Pickaxe Week 2025 | Triforce #333

Pickaxe

on October 17th.

I'm an angel.

See the wings?

Don't miss the new comedy Good Fortune, starring Seth Rogan, Aziz Ansari, and Kiana Reeves.

Critics Rave eats haven't sent.

You are very unhelpful.

Good Fortune, directed by Aziz Ansari, made it R.

Oh, hello everyone.

And welcome to Triforce Live.

Sorry we're a little bit late.

P Flax refuses to join the Discord channel until I've joined.

And because we're doing this live, I'm actually in the studio.

So Piriam was like, oh, I guess we're not doing it today.

You didn't explain why I do that.

Why do you do that?

We've spoken about this previously.

So let's get this podcast off to a great start.

Me and Flanks have moved in together.

We're in the same room right now.

It's crazy, isn't it?

our desks facing each other the evolution of the shit sips how's it going over there you get over there yeah

uh so the reason is that if i join the channel and me and kips are hanging out here for 15 minutes waiting for your late ass

across uh the square that's the tidied up version of your background as well p flex normally it's worse than this you gotta keep why are you commenting on sips's background well sips is a sips is

three children two of which are younger you know yours are yours are off going around around Camden Market doing

for makeup.

It's a very different experience for Sips.

Look, you know, all kinds of stuff.

Look,

where am I meant to store my Snorlax?

Huh?

Just what am I meant to do?

You know,

my garage is a dumb frames picture of VHS.

Some of that stuff behind me is mine, but most of it is not.

Huh?

All right, that's nice.

Copy of a book I was recommended that wasted a great deal of money.

A great deal of money.

How much did you spend on that?

I'll say it was a pint.

20 quid you did for a hardback

anyway it's a good book i've enjoyed it i finished all seven of them now i'm gonna go and see him live as well in um cardiff oh again team that he's doing um doing a live oh oh

i loved your books that's who i'm gonna be yeah i don't give a god damn that's he's gonna be like that what if he's like in his 80s and wrote these books I don't know.

He's like one of us.

He's one of us, I think.

He's got a beard and he's played video games all of his life.

Is this like your...

Do you want me to come with you?

Is this like your ghost face killer?

Like my mum.

You want me to accompany you?

Well and just act bewildered the whole time.

What's going on?

Look, it's nice to show moral support to your friends that you haven't seen for a while.

So maybe, yeah, maybe you could fly over.

So we're live

and as a result, we are slightly more

unhinged.

So that that means we prepared something, right?

People actually prepared some.

Yes, I prepared something for you uh it's about ufos now obviously we did that me and simon did a bit of ufo stuff on peculiar portions recently i didn't say that to you but if we were talking about this uh we were talking about this in my whatsapp you said

uh wait where's the message i said

so first of all sip said um that he was hoping that he was going to be raptured

this is where the conversation about ufo abductions came off the back of the rapture that was meant to have.

He was hoping you might have to do this one.

Oh, that's a shame.

Maybe there's a better chance of them getting abducted by aliens.

Probably.

They said that it was going to happen at 11.36 or something like that.

Yeah.

And when it didn't, they were like, well, it's a very gradual process.

I love the way they just,

you know, they didn't say that at the start.

You got a vape flax.

You could have put a pair of sneakers on the floor of your room and then had some vape, some vape smoke coming out of them.

i've been raptured

but

sorry honey i've been raptured

i don't need dinner i think i think this phone in heaven

disappeared

oh man but then i said the topic for tomorrow is ufo abduction stories how does that sound uh and sips posted a gif of himself being raptured or someone being raptured and i love that

sounds brilliant

i love that somebody could maybe you know do you ever hear about that the couple that faked their death in a canoeing accident and then just went to live in South America or whatever?

Was it Spain or somewhere?

And then they got spotted, didn't they?

They got spotted, yeah.

I thought it was just the husband.

that feigned his death so that his wife got the life insurance and then they just went and lived together in Spain.

It's funny.

I often think of that, not because I want to do it, but I just think it's so comical.

But also, it'd be funny if somebody, you know, staged their own rapture.

He was the only guy

who's just living in Spain or South America somewhere, just having fun, wearing a big fake mustache, left his old life behind, yeah.

Yeah, kayak man, something

like that, yeah.

It was all right, so let's start off with Project Blue Book.

Have you ever heard of Project Blue Book?

Yeah, Project Blue Book gets mentioned in the Twin Peaks universe a lot.

It does, yeah.

Yeah, it was uh, it was a

basically what they think is

the U.S.

government's UFO

project or ongoing project, and it's all classified information, and it's in Project Blue Book.

They were investigating

UFO arrivals and abductions and any

sort of evidence there was relating to UFOs was in Project Blue Book.

But it was a real thing.

It wasn't like

a myth or anything like that.

Sorry, let me move my microphone somewhere a little closer.

Maybe you can hear me better.

It was the systematic study of UFOs from 1952 till 1969 when they wrapped it up.

And the

summary was that no UFO was reported, investigated, and evaluated by the Air Force was ever an indication of a threat to national security, because that was their big concern was national security.

There was no evidence

that they there was no evidence found, full stop.

They didn't find a single thing.

But this didn't stop a lot of people from claiming that they'd seen them

even for a second though was this actually

talking about extraterrestrials was this just cold war ufos in their original sense which was russians spy planes no no no so number three there was for example the the third of their conclusions was um no evidence indicating the sightings categorized as unidentified were extraterrestrial vehicles I mean, UFOs as a term didn't start off with aliens, though, did it?

It started off with, as an as an official term to describe things that were, you know, probably

a foreign power, not necessarily like aliens, right?

But I think it very nowadays, when we say UFOs, oh, welcome.

I'm now in, I've got an equally busy warehouse in my background.

Thank you, TJ.

But Joe, I mean, now, you know,

when you say that it was a government thing to check out UFOs,

they weren't actually looking for aliens in 1959, right yes they literally were well they were trying to decide whether they were extraterrestrial in addition to dangly grey guys that are all smoking dubs i mean the the the the the third conclusion was that there's nothing extraterrestrial about anything that is unidentified so i think the main thing was they weren't saying we're looking for aliens i think they were looking is this a threat to national security which is is this some kind of military technology we're unaware of Failing that, let's find out what the hell these things could be.

And in conclusion, is there there any chance that any of this stuff is extraterrestrial?

And their conclusion was no.

I'm pretty sure that that's the point of it.

So it did have something to do with aliens, you know, they didn't sort of

just just think I always thought aliens were used as a kind of fun

cover.

Almost like

well, almost like the US government.

I read this whole thing about it and I felt like the gist of it was that the US government didn't necessarily see a downside in having the population believe, the local population believe in UFOs because it kind of helped cover up sightings of their sort of testing their new jets and their new rockets and things like this, right?

So it kind of was a convenient excuse that they didn't think was harmful because I think back in the day they thought, oh, the crackpots, you know, it's not going to do anything.

They didn't quite realize now how many crackpots there are and how crackpot ideas can actually spread around and become

like global,

globally recognized

ideas, you know?

Like, all this stuff seems to come out of the US only.

Like, you never hear about it anywhere else.

That's true.

They're obsessed with it and obsessed with all the other weird shit that you always seem to hear about.

But, like, I always thought the British people were really eccentric, and in some ways they are.

But, like, the US take the cake every time.

Like, I don't know how they manage, but they just.

Oh, shit.

I just got raptured.

He's gone.

How about that?

How about you?

Christmas, you got chosen.

Oh shit.

I'm sorry.

I'm up here in heaven now.

I got raptured, but it wasn't aliens.

How do you feel?

I've seen a lot of people make their like rapture tick tocks and saying like this was my last tick tock.

And the funny thing is they start off and they're like kind of like a little bit like oh i'm sorry i'm gonna you know but the message quickly shifts like during the tick tock as they get towards the end that they're kind of like, maybe if you prayed hard enough, you'd be up here with me.

If you're very gloaty, they're very gloaty.

I said, if you didn't get raptured, maybe you're doing it wrong.

Maybe you got to change your game plan up a little bit.

Indeed, indeed.

Stop not being a good enough Christian.

Ah shit, I got derapt.

He's back.

Oh, you shouldn't have said that thing about them being gloaty.

No, no, that's it.

You got too close to the truth.

So it's

not.

They watched some of the old streams as well.

You know, they were like, wrong wrong guy, send him back.

It could have been aliens, though.

They could have been picking you up and, like, they gave you a little taste.

And they thought, ooh, don't like this one.

He's gone.

Maybe.

He's weird.

They licked my bald head and they were like, not this one.

What if you could stay in heaven, but everybody was into licking bald heads?

I'm not sure I could stand it.

Really?

It'd be a bit fucking weird.

Talking to Albert Einstein and he's like licking my head.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Mr.

Einstein, can I ask you a question about the theory of relativity?

He's just like, yes, but first I must lick your head.

You've got a pain there.

I want to go back.

Like a consistent licking, like it's hard for him to speak.

Everyone does it.

That's just the thing.

That's the culture of heaven.

It was a different thing.

It was like more of a greeting.

Like you just one lick and then you're done.

You can just crack on.

Yeah, I think, come on.

Like, you know,

it's Albert Einstein.

I'd let him lick my head.

You know?

He's go, you know.

People were different back then.

You know,

they had different ideals, didn't they?

You know?

Yeah, but now they're in heaven.

So if you think about it, they're

just like having your head licked by a horse.

You ever seen his tongue in that picture when he's sticking his tongue?

It's massive.

He's got like a

big

tongue.

Yeah, it's huge.

But if you think about it, heaven must have its own cultural norms.

Because if you've got people from throughout history there, they're not all going to sit on separate tables at dinner time, are they?

They're meant to intermingle and they're all one within God's realm of heaven.

So you're going to have to have some kind of culture develop where Einstein and ug can coexist i see where you know i'm saying there has to be some kind of culture would form within heaven including presumably social norms because you you know if you just turn up and you're suddenly like you're so welcome brother sister come sit and break bread with me you'd fucking want to kill each other after a week that's ridiculous do you think somebody's nice all the time think they debate online in heaven Do you reckon they're posting on Reddit from heaven?

Yeah, well, Lord, the Wi-Fi has gone down again.

You've got to consider that, like the things that people really like to do in the real world They're gonna expect to be able to do it in heaven too, right?

They've got an internet up there.

This is the age-old thing like oh, I just want to have sex with everybody But like are you allowed to even?

I don't know because I because is heaven still governed by like all like the you know the yeah, can you get booted out?

I mean, they talk about fallen angels and stuff, right?

They talk about fallen angels.

So it must be possible to get booted out.

And given that you're in heaven, getting booted out would be the worst thing ever.

You can't go to heaven.

You can't go to heaven.

Yeah, they don't let you in.

Well,

I mean, I'm not even sure.

No murdering anyone, Jack the Ripper.

First of all, I think they're pretty select.

I wouldn't go in because he wasn't baptized.

Why not?

The matter.

He was the matter.

I'm talking about a true vision.

He wasn't saved.

Do you know what I mean?

But the point is, God can't be like anyone prior to this point.

Sorry, you're all going to hell.

No, he was.

He was drowning them all with the ark.

Don't you remember the ark?

He was like, I'm sick of all you humans.

Kill them all.

Yeah, but that's when they're on earth.

I'm talking about post-that,

there must come a point point where you can't.

I think, I mean, in order

in order for you to make it to heaven, you've got to have done something for God.

God is not like sensible.

No, what if you just live a good life?

He's a crazy, irrational, jealous cunt.

Right, right.

So, I'm saying that in that case, heaven wouldn't exist at all.

It would just all heaven is is a dinner party with God.

This would say he's like, I don't agree with that.

To hell with you, you're going back to hell.

I don't agree.

I'm going to go back to hell because you don't like eggs.

Well, I'm just saying.

No, no, no.

I'm totally aggressive.

I don't send you back to you.

But God has the power to send people to hell.

That Satan has to accept him into hell.

What?

Where do they go then?

Purgatory.

They go into the middle bit.

So you're telling me...

So here's the thing.

God is omnipotent.

He wants

more souls, right?

He feasts on souls.

Who God?

No, Satan.

I've never met either of them, so I don't know what makes you tick or how they.

Couldn't comment on it.

Not me.

Don't know.

So let's talk about UFOs, all right?

Because we're talking about

pass through the eye of a needle than it is for a man to get into heaven or something

into their kingdom.

A rich man.

A rich

man.

Yes.

You missed out the whole point of the

parable.

But what does rich mean?

Does it mean having a well, no, that's how they get around it.

There's a lot of good people.

That's how they get around it.

Have a rich life.

I'll find the article for you.

I read this.

This is an explanation for how rich people can be Christian.

I'll never be able to find it in time.

But basically, it was like, well, what is wealth?

You know, maybe it means that,

you know, wealth of

like your mind.

Look at all kinds of weird stuff like that.

But then, like a rich man, like they're saying, oh, no, it's actually an eye

of a needle in this point means a certain part of a castle.

And you could pass through it, but maybe not with everything.

So you should give some away, but you'd have to give it all away.

Like there was this weird justification for it based on various translations of what the eye of a needle means.

I don't reckon, I mean, maybe even Einstein ain't in heaven, you know.

You know, what did he do that was so good?

For God, well, right, but I mean, I don't think he was a bad person.

I thought science was bad.

Yeah, his discoveries led to the deaths of millions of people, you know.

Yeah, he did, he did.

He's got to be damn.

Maybe his soul is highly feastable.

Feastable.

Just like, and he's got that really long tongue.

That's great.

That's delicious.

That's delicious.

Lunchable.

Lunchable.

Lunchable soul.

Snackable.

Feastable, lunchable, snackable soul.

Alright, so here we go.

Humanity, apparently, according to this article in the BBC, has been contemplating the possibility of life on other planets for thousands of years.

Blah, blah, blah.

There was a Greek philosopher around 450 BC.

So that's where we go back

to 2000.

We're starting with aliens way back in the past.

You'll find out why.

To where our alien journey starts.

It begins.

Anaxagoras or Anaxagoras.

No.

It's tentatively suggested that the moon might not be a god which they thought at the time and he thought uh it might be a rock a bit like the earth and he said it might even have life on it so it says in the bbc article he was promptly sentenced to death for his insulation

it's like this is not triangles we like triangles here like you're talking

he was in fact just forced to retire um and sent to uh somewhere else yeah they sent him away he he died of starvation there so he did die but you know uh but he they didn't just say, kill that man.

He was forced to drink hemlock.

Was he?

No, they didn't do any of that.

Like Socrates, I want to say?

But he was a clever guy.

Like, he genuinely thought some pretty cool stuff.

What he paid the price for it.

He said

he examined the celestial bodies and the fall of meteorites.

He started to think about things like

examining

proto-astronomy.

Well, we will come to that.

Believe it later, hopefully.

We will.

So, one of the earliest

sort of abduction stories,

this is,

let me find this one for you.

I don't know if this is the earliest one, but this is certainly one of the early ones.

This is 1954.

There's this woman called Elizabeth Clara or Clara, K-L-A-R-E-R.

And she is on this hill

in this farm in in New England somewhere, I think.

Oh, no, sorry, this is in Australia.

Let me check.

The Natal Midlands.

Where's that?

South Africa.

South Africa.

But here we go.

Elizabeth Clara was a South African woman who, starting in 1956, publicly claimed to be contacted by aliens multiple times between 1954 and 1963.

Okay.

Her first visitation allegedly occurred when she was seven.

And then gradually she built up relationships to the aliens, including the fact that she claimed to have had sex with an alien.

Of all the people on this planet, they chose her.

Yeah.

Just randomly in South Africa, you know, just

the moon and the stars aligned, and this was the person that they were going to make contact with and have sex with as well.

So this is my favorite bit.

She goes into the ship.

She meets the inhabitants of the ship.

This is on a hilltop.

She meets them, okay?

And then she, after meeting its habitants, she was returned to the hilltop.

Um, during the encounter, kisses were exchanged, and this alien, Akon, revealed that Elizabeth was in fact a reincarnated Venusian and long-lost soulmate.

And he further explained that they occasionally took Earthwomen as partners as the offspring strengthened their race with an infusion of new blood.

So, of course, she has sex with the alien, like that's a big thing.

And then she claims to have had a baby.

She described their lovemaking as, I surrendered in ecstasy to the magic of his lovemaking, our bodies merging in magnetic union as the divine essence of our spirits became one.

Now, just bear that in mind.

1954, she's talking about having sex with aliens.

Okay, well, okay.

Again, there's clues, though, right?

Because it's very inspired by a product of sci-fi of the time.

About that time, we sort of believed that there could be Martians, people on Mars, or people on Venus.

Venusians, yeah, yeah.

Now we know that there aren't, right?

Because we've sent probes up and they've had a look and it's just a fucking sulfuric acid nightmare um no no one there but people aren't talking these days when they talk about their abduction stories that they were abducted by a martian or a venusian right they're not they're like you know they're not they don't say these things because we they're not in the public consciousness right right so it's kind of almost a telltale thing that that that it's it's come from sci-fi or stories or popular culture right that's influenced this this thing you know if an alien says they're from Venusia Vene Venus or whatever yeah we we're pretty sure that's not the case

pretty pretty sure like I don't know like 95% sure there's no aliens there it's hard to see maybe they've got like really well insulated houses under there on their main well I mean that's how it if I were to write a story about Venusians I would of course I mean the Russians did I think it was the Russians landed an actual probe They sent it through the atmosphere of Venus.

Yeah.

And you can see all the images.

It looks, it looks like I think it lasted for like

10 minutes or something because it was like

put in a probiotic

acid oven.

Yes, exactly.

The pressure and

incredibly awful atmosphere.

If anything were alive down there, it would be like some crab monster or like a cockroach.

And that's not giving you some celestial fucking experience, is it?

You're not having sex with like a crab monster and being like, this was my fucking cracking life, you know, great sex.

You know, blew my mind.

You need to go against crab monsters.

Crab monster.

Mr.

Pinchie was the best sex i've ever had the pincer

especially liked when he was clicking and clacking the whole time

really turned me on never been hornier in fact so there was a guy called um antonio villas boas uh while working on his family this is 1957 in brazil his family farm in brazil 23 year old antonio villas boas claimed to have been abducted by extraterrestrials he said he saw a large egg-shaped craft with a coupler on top containing a rotating red light.

So a giant egg with a big spinning red light on top.

The craft landed by extending three legs, after which several five-foot-tall beings disembarked.

Antonio tried to escape on his tractor, but the engine died and he continued on foot.

He was eventually captured by the beings.

You can run faster than a tractor can drive.

I mean, why haven't you got a tractor?

He's very slowly getting away.

Like, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump.

He was captured by the beings who wore grey overalls and helmets.

He was taken upon the ship, whereupon they took the helmets off.

They had small blue eyes and communicated via a series of animal-like grunts.

Once aboard the ship, Antonio was stripped naked and covered in a gel.

He was led into a large semicircular room through a doorway adorned with red symbols.

He was later able to recall these symbols with perfect clarity.

Of course, if you've made something up yourself, probably possible to recall it with clarity.

The beings took took blood samples from his chin before moving into a third room where he was left alone for half an hour.

I don't know how he knows it was half an hour.

A gas was pumped in, which made him nauseous.

Then the nausea abated.

The doors opened and a naked female alien of the same species joined him.

Antonio recalled that she was very attractive.

She had platinum blonde hair and red pubic hair.

She had a pointed chin and large cat-like eyes.

He felt a powerful attraction to her and they engaged in sex.

Wherein, instead of kissing him, she nipped him on the chin like a little cat.

Where he'd been, where he'd been, their blood sample had been taken from.

Bizarre.

After the act, the woman smiled, patted her belly, and pointed upward before leaving.

He was given his clothes back, turned around the ship, and then escorted off.

What does that mean?

My

taking your baby to space.

Yeah, like,

do you want to see where we cook our food?

Thanks for the space, baby.

Yeah, I love that.

Well, thanks for having sex with the alien woman.

This is our library.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

This is our washing machine and our dryer here for our space clothes.

Yeah, really odd to then give him a tour.

You'd start with the tour, wouldn't you?

But yeah, really strange.

But there are loads of these.

Do you know what?

Here's another classic one.

Sharon Gilbert.

She's an author, reporter, and co-host of Skywatch TV, a geopolitics enthusiast and Christian podcaster.

She takes on many roles.

In other words, she fucking does it all.

This woman's a real virtuoso.

On the Jim Backer show, she discussed her alien encounter.

What makes Sharon's story interesting,

it's not interesting, just going to ruin that for you,

is that it's the opposite of the typical alien encounter.

Again, untrue.

Most of them start with witnessing the spacecraft before seeing the aliens.

However, there were no indications or warning signs for Sharon.

Her encounter began as a frightening confrontation.

While lying in bed, an alien visited her in the form of her husband.

Her Her husband was lying in bed and something disguised as him lifted out of his body.

She insisted the creature wanted to have sex with her.

The communication between the two was internal.

Before she pulled the mask off, she told the creature, Jesus is real.

She revealed that it looked like a gargoyle with reptilian features.

So, of course, they always want to have sex.

It's all about sex with the alien.

They all want to have sex and they all seem to have like human-like behaviors and traits as well.

You never hear somebody say, like, oh yeah, a craft landed and a hatch opened and just a bunch of really stinky goo came out and just started dripping everywhere and then it left.

I had sex

with the goo and then it left.

Yeah.

Like 20 chimpanzees came out or something.

Like it's it's always like somebody, somebody told me that my favorite conspiracy theory is actually true.

And then we had sex.

That's it.

Every alien counter story is that.

Exactly.

I love the idea that she woke up the next morning and her husband was like there in the bed.

And she was like, Did that, did you try and have sex with me last night?

And he was like, No.

No.

She's like, No,

no, I didn't.

I wasn't dressed up as a lizard either.

Wait, did you say that or did I?

Exactly.

And she's like, well, it must be.

I'm just filling in the blanks here.

I'm just guessing that, you know.

Are these people?

I always wonder if these people are supremely gullible, gullible, right?

And really just their brains are just

a sucker.

They're like, they are, they just fall for everything and they can't help it and

they just believe everything.

Or are they a grifter?

Are they actually knowingly

making money off this in some way?

And I think it is often often in the case of an influencer,

it's money, you know.

I just think like, first of all, how much money can there be in this?

Like, genuinely, how much money i don't think it'd have to know that's the thing i don't think

they were abducted but but it doesn't you you'd be surprised how little people would

would do for for it you know if they can get a couple of hundred bucks or something on on twitch or whatever or or some something they'll do it like these people are

you know that's usually their second job they've got a real job you know but they're doing this in their spare time they're hoping to make it big but it's it's it's an america you know it's a gig economy you've got to make a little bit we're making a living right now chatting about it that's true chesterton too so you're saying you've got it you've got a side hustle uh as uh someone who's claiming as a conspiracy theory

all you need to do is have one

kind of reinforcing thing happen where someone pays you something for it or someone tells someone's like i totally believe you and they they or they're impressed with you or they're like thank you for telling the truth like all you need is one moment like that to to convert someone into this kind of person who has this make moment where they're like damn i can actually

people so chesterton says we're making a living chatting about it i will say this we don't just do this topic every week no and those people that's their whole thing so every single episode of her podcast well it's not though is it about god or any of that things well she's got a whole broad breadth of conspiracy nonsense that she believes as well right i'm sure she does but here's the thing the the audience for that is inherently going to be much smaller because most people are going to go what load of bollocks and not listen to it at what point though that's the interesting thing though like what at what point like how many people listen to a lot of this stuff because they find it entertaining and how many people listen to it and actually fully believe it and there's there's tons of people that fully believe yeah i guess there are you got a lot of flat earthers and stuff i also think a lot of there's a lot of excuses for these stories right like in terms of genuine abductions just that are dressed up to you know be some sort of hidden thing or where people get drugged or people just taking drugs and having a weird, bad, like psychedelic experience, you know, or a dream.

You know, dreams are very, you know, our brains are very mushy and stupid and shit.

And people can believe that dreams are real very easily.

And,

you know, if you're, you know, the brain, it's complicated.

It's the kind of mental illness, I imagine.

that that you have that makes you think that your dreams are real and are convinced that that's the thing but it seems like a very easy thing to happen and i think and that's partly why again they're so influenced by the culture of the time you know you hear you know i i'll be honest with you the illusion i think you're 100 right i also think a lot of the time people probably have a drinking problem and don't want to admit it and get hammered and have a weird dream and wake up and think i've got abduction by this oh that's why i feel so terrible today that's why all my vodka's gone missing you know i think that's probably a lot of the time it's literally someone on something

when i said genuine abductions i meant genuine abductions by other people do you know what i mean that does happen people get kidnapped people get like you know taken yeah and by other people by gangs or criminals or whoever and they get right you know this this does happen we're not talking about that though we're talking about aliens no but i imagine that you know it in a in the case of i think some of these

some of these stories

Some of the real abductions are also fake.

It could be.

Well, no.

I think that some of the...

I don't know.

It's complicated.

There's a.

What about that kid that the family claimed the kid had gone missing and he was in the basement?

It happens all the time.

The parents are like, well, kid's gone missing.

He's just in the basement or whatever.

What, they put him in the basement or he's hiding?

Yeah, no, they were keeping him in the basement and

being mean to him and claimed he'd been abducted.

Was that not the that was that balloon boy one where they said that the kids the balloon boy one where they said the balloon had taken him yeah but what did uh what did Fritzel say about all of his family members that he had in the basement?

Let's find out.

I haven't thought about old Fritzel in some time.

Oh, why?

I was happy to have not thought about him for some time, and now I'm thinking about him.

And it's,

I don't know.

Aliens of shit in my pants, says Sein and Zeit, 1927.

Nice.

God.

They're always doing that to me, too.

Well, I mean, yeah, we've talked about aliens a little bit because I did read a whole book about conspiracies.

Like, back in the day in Byzantium, they would see things in the sky, but it was actually physical sailing boats i mean they kind of would the people would report what they knew right they they thought oh there must be some sort of boat that can fly to the moon you know that is is that a different person in a different country has but if the world was a lot smaller and so people see what they're expecting to see a lot of time you know if you like this

if you like this uh this stuff about project blue book and and the uh and the air force investigations into all this stuff and and whatnot There's some good tie-in stuff

in Twin Peaks.

If you've never seen Twin Peaks before, it's more like it's not so much about aliens, but the same people that are investigating aliens are aware of this sort of like, almost like dimensional rift that opens up and there's, you know,

some evil pouring into the world and

with the lodges and stuff.

And it's kind of cool.

It's such a mood.

The Twin Peaks, it's

such a vibe, right?

Like it's slow burning, but it really sort of

is.

It is a trip, it's very slow, but kind of, I don't know, like,

it's worth a watch.

I did enjoy it.

Yeah, when you made me watch it all, and I was like, I really got into it.

So, you know, he's still alive.

Who?

Fritzel.

Fritzel, yeah.

He's 90.

Now, I want you to look up the prison where he's staying.

It's called Garston Abbey.

It's a former Benedictine monastery, and now it's a prison.

It actually looks quite lovely.

This is insane.

He's 90?

He's 90.

Oh, wait.

Okay, so last year there was an article on BBC about Joseph Fritzel being moved from a psychiatric unit to a normal prison.

He is 90 years old, just doddering around.

They've ruled that.

They should keep him in a basement.

That would be the ultimate, surely.

Yeah, they ruled that he should be moved to a normal prison.

He kept his daughter captive for 24 years in the dungeon he built beneath his home and fathered seven children seven kids

three of whom didn't see sunlight until he was found you know they they busted the place they'd never seen other people or sunlight they just lived down what a terrible

i hate this awful uh thing yeah it's horrible isn't it really rotten awful yeah really yeah god damn well now he's in a normal prison apparently and now he's in prison

yeah

so uh mark h says he was abducted by aliens clearly remembers awakening one night, unable to move anything but his eyes.

Mark Humes.

Mark Humes.

He saw flashing lights, heard buzzing sounds, experienced feelings of levitation, and felt electric tingling sensations.

Most terrifying were the non-human figures he saw by his bed.

Mark believes they were aliens.

Later, he underwent hypnosis, which always works, to try to recall exactly what had happened.

Under hypnosis, he remembered being whisked through an open window to a large spaceship.

He was very frightened when aliens took him into some kind of medical examining room.

There, he had sex with one of them.

It's always sex with the aliens.

That's their primary way of testing things out.

We came here to fuck all

on Earth.

Get Cindy in here to fuck this thing.

Let's see what happens.

Get

Cindy.

Yeah, it's every time.

It's insane.

Bring in Cindy Bot 4000.

Are there any

accounts from.

I guess the first one was the South African lady.

Yeah.

It'd be interesting to see the spread of

alien encounters

where they occur by country.

Because again, I America.

It's more.

Almost exclusively America.

Yes.

If you look at the map of UFO sightings, abduction claims, yes, there are some from around the world.

There's quite a famous one in China.

There's a whole bunch in South America, but it's almost exclusively America.

Like the USA.

They're just.

Who else is?

I also wonder, you know, Captain Kirk.

fucked a lot of aliens in Star Trek.

He was always up there fucking the aliens.

So I wonder if Gene Roddenberry

was someone who read all these abduction reports.

It was like, so the aliens are shaggers.

Got it.

And Kirk now has to be like, hey, I'd stuff to every blue-skinned, green-skinned woman he...

Well, he's the alien, though.

Isn't he?

No, mate.

He's normal.

They're the aliens.

Come on.

Sorry.

Did you...

I'm just trying to think who else is...

What are the terrible criminals are still alive?

Do you know what I mean?

In prison.

It must be tons, right?

It must be tons of tons of famous behind.

Dahmer died a long time ago.

I think the son of Sam's probably still.

Is it the

Green River killer?

He was like, I think one of the biggest serial killers, I think, in Washington state.

Rose West.

Prostitutes.

I think he...

Well, maybe he was given the death.

penalty.

I'm not sure, actually.

Some

the Nazi war crime people are still alive.

What?

Yeah.

Bruno Day was a former SS guard at the Stutthof concentration camp.

And

he

is 98, still going.

Most of them are dead.

Yaroslav Hunker, WAFN-SS veteran.

The Huta Panaka massacre.

The mass murder in a Polish village.

He's 100.

Lives in Canada.

There's a whole bunch of them knocking about.

101.

Hell no.

Yeah, I've babysat him before.

He would have babysat you.

He's 100.

Listen, I'm the babysitter.

Nobody babysits me, okay?

Okay.

Well, lighthearted podcast.

All right, let's carry on with this.

Hey, we were talking about aliens.

Yeah,

with the aliens.

Well, I'm out now.

You're running.

That's it.

Yeah, that was 45 minutes of alien jabber.

That was good.

We did 45 minutes of alien chat.

Yeah, sorry, bro.

That's pretty good.

Bye pretty.

Are you going to do a Lou's news today lou i got it's early for lose news it is early it is early you got some though you got some news i got some lose news yeah

did you guys hear about this comet that we're gonna be able to see next month no with with with the naked eye

how big is it gonna be it's gonna be visible it's something that some people think it'll be as bright as the moon

As big and bright as the moon.

As bright as the moon.

Not as big.

If it was as big as the moon, we're in big trouble.

It's gonna be as bright as the moon.

But to be as big as the moon, it would have to be extremely big and extremely close.

And if that happened, we'd probably be looking at a dinosaur-level Chicksilub crater event.

Like a full moon?

What if it's not actually a comet?

And what if it's a UFO and it comes down here and fucks up?

For rapturing.

Oh, it's not going to.

What do you mean?

No, it's going to rapture everyone off onto it.

Everyone.

That's why I've sent you that Kool-Aid, guys.

You need to drink.

Oh, thank you.

I sent it to all the youngsters, guys.

What's that blue juice that people drink sometimes?

You see,

you see, I think like RFK

has been cited drinking it like on a plane or something, you know, makes you inside your mouth blue.

What is that stuff?

Oh, anti-like.

It's not Kool-Aid.

I don't think it's anti-aid.

No, I can't remember what it's called.

It's something.

Engine coolant.

Yeah, no, it's like some blue juice.

Colloidal silver.

Is it that?

Is it the colloidal silver?

The Portaloo stuff.

Yeah, I think that's it, actually, Lewis.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is it colloidal?

Some guy made himself blue drinking it, didn't he?

Um

Randy Bobandi

Man, that that performance is one of my favorite comic performances.

He's so fucking good.

The earlier seasons are even better.

Like the whole like the whole bit with like Ricky doing something and then Leahy just having a radar for it, you know, like he would just like, you know, Ricky would be like stealing a chocolate bar quietly, and then Leahy would turn out and turn up immediately.

You know, the car would like hit something and they would spill out of the car.

It was just chaos.

It was so good.

Julian's always holding like a rum and cocoa or whatever.

Like, there'll be a carcass.

You'll just get out stumbling around carrying it.

I like the episode with Conky.

Do you remember Conky?

Look, Julian, it's Conky.

Yeah, that puppet he found in the swamp.

I was like, yeah, that's for one of the puppet.

Yeah, Trailer Park Boys was such a good show.

I've really loved that.

I love the episode where Ricky turned his trailer into a hockey rink.

You remember that one?

No, I turned his trailer.

He was fully lessons, hockey lessons.

15 years since I watched that show.

Oh my God, I love it.

Full rink show.

Oh, it's good.

Man, I think

that's cool.

One of my favorite bits is when he's redecorating the

someone's trailer and it just gets worse and worse.

You know, he goes in, it's it's supposed to be solar shelf, but then you know, he ends up like pulling the water pipes out of the wall, and then everything just completely destroys this place.

Oh man, I loved it.

I think, like, the first three or four seasons, I want to say, were

the best.

Like, you had, like,

in the first four seasons, you had the season where

they do the driveway in Hash,

and

you have

all the altercations with uh was it was it cyrus yeah

the the rival and then i think so yeah

the you consistently had the the start of the season they were coming out of prison and the end of the season they'd go back to prison i don't know if that persisted yeah they were they always it always began with them coming out and going back there were there were lots of like little subtle bits that they they stuck to in like the uh in the earlier seasons it felt like uh apparently like loads of it was just you know unscripted.

I think they had some vague idea of what how a scene was gonna go.

Yeah, a lot.

I mean, there was definitely scripted stuff, but at some times there was a lot of improvisational stuff as well.

Yeah, it's just a brilliant show.

We've got a question for you, Sips, from Clayston chat.

In episode 18 of Triforce, this is like three years ago.

Sips promised he would replant the flowers he ripped up to turf.

Pyrion says there is no chance that he will continue his one-man B genocide.

Did Sips replant those flowers?

I don't even know what you're talking about.

What flowers did I

think?

Have you got any flowers in your garden at all at the moment?

Yeah, yeah, we do actually.

We got a whole bunch of lavender and we had a whole bunch of marigolds as well in the summer.

I was walking down the street the other day.

I've been done now, but.

And I said, we walked past some dahlias.

And I said to my partner, I said, oh, I think I really like dahlias.

And she said to me, Oh, why don't you marry one then?

Yeah, did you sniff it?

She said to me, Dahlias, then dahlias are no good because the bees can't get in them.

And I looked at I stopped and I looked at the dahlia, and there was literally a bee on it going into it.

And I turned to my partner, I was like,

This was like one of those

then

grabs the bee.

What do you think this is, huh?

What the fuck do you think this is?

It was like a perfectly timed moment.

It couldn't have been more like,

you know, like immediately.

I wish that happened more, you know?

Yeah.

Did you recommend me this book, Lulu?

I don't think so.

No, I think probably some listener or something or someone in your life.

It's really, this is a funny book.

City on Mars.

Tell me about it.

City on Mars.

So it's written basically basically from the perspective of why couldn't we build a city on Mars and like the actual difficulty and misery of living on another planet and why we probably could never do it.

And it's like, it's a really good book.

It explains all the incredible difficulties of space travel.

And it's all coming from the perspective of, yes, it's possible that there'll be some technology in the future that allows for all this, but for the meantime, we have no idea how to overcome all of the many many many problems that come with us living not on earth like anywhere but earth it's just going to be a terrible terrible existence miserable grinding peasant life on mars beyond anything you could really

i think you have to think about it like you're living in a bunker right that's because that's oh it's much worse than that is it yeah why for one thing well because

i don't know if you saw that elon musk world's smartest guy, said that he was going to colonize Mars, and his plan was that they were going to

turn all the water on Mars.

They're going to heat it up and turn it to gas to give Mars an atmosphere.

This genius idea he came up with.

Of course, you couldn't have an atmosphere on Mars because it'll just evaporate into gravity.

And it doesn't have a magnetic field as strong as ours.

So the solar radiation is just going to strip away any atmosphere and you're done.

So you're going to get irradiated.

There's going to be no atmosphere.

You can't grow anything.

Any water you find that you could potentially use, you just have to recycle over and over and over again.

There's no new materials there for you to do anything.

Everything has to be imported.

There's nothing you can't make plastic.

There's no fuel.

There's nothing.

Just rocks and space.

And it's even worse on the moon because there's zero atmosphere.

So it's just like that.

And even getting there is going to be a fucking nightmare.

It's just, it's just terrible.

It's awful.

In essence, we're stuck here.

i guess it's yeah like we can't up this planet because there isn't an alternative that's that's even remotely livable you know it's it if you did have a colony there it would be so dependent on us but then again like it's the same with something on the moon you know it's it's not got its own

it's just going to constantly need resources we've got this incredibly complex economy here of making things you know in order to make a chip you know it it needs millions of people

but sorry a computer chip Jimmy,

imagine you're on Mars, though.

Potato chip takes a million people to make this potato chip.

First someone's got to grow it.

And you've got to water that potato.

They've got to pick it out of the ground and scrub the dirt off it.

Slosh it up real fine and cook it in oil and then put it in a bag with some salt.

Serve that chip one million people per fry.

Can you still get those bags of potato chips?

Potato chips where they have like the little sachet of salt.

Salt and shake.

You put the salt in, you shake it.

Yeah.

I love salt and shake.

I don't know why i like it because all the salt ends up on one chip yeah

one criminal covered in salt

and then the rest of them have like one but it's not but i do like them i do like them yeah the um yeah the regolith on the moon is is bad as well i don't think the marsh what's regolith regolith is the name for the the sort of moon dust which is a layer of loose unconsolidated material i think you'll find yeah it's kind of sharp though like it can be very it's like asbestos type vibe like it's dust broken rocks and other materials.

On Earth, Regolith is often referred to as soil.

But it lacks the organic matter found in terrestrial soils.

So regolith on Mars is what soil is like on Earth, but with no organic matter.

Yeah,

but

it's not good.

apparently.

So you have to be very careful to clean your spacesuits off when you're going out on the surface and stuff like this.

Like there's all these pain in the arse things to do, especially if you're on other planets.

And obviously, like the lack of an atmosphere is, you know, very, very dangerous.

So you'd have to...

Wait, Square and Squares says they changed the salt packet colour so they can never find it.

I thought it was just a little dark blue.

It's still dark blue.

It is still dark blue.

What's this lad talking about?

It's dark blue, isn't it?

It's always been dark blue.

It's dark blue.

Yeah, you can find it.

We've always been at war with East Asia.

What are you talking about?

It's a shame that we're not...

I mean, I really enjoyed

For All Mankind.

I thought it was a great, great show.

That was good.

Pyrrhon did did like spoil a bunch of it for you.

Did I spoil it?

I think that was like that was like halfway through season two.

I haven't finished it.

And Pyrrhon was like, oh yeah, that guy who does this.

I'm that woman who does this.

And I'm like,

what is it?

It's about, it's about...

It opens with a bunch of people in bars across America watching the newscast of

the moon landing, but the reveal is that it's a Russian astronaut and a woman.

and america is thrown into chaos because

first of all it makes them look terrible that the russians got there first second of all it makes them look terrible because a woman got there and women are still you know 1960s america was still kind of under the under the boot a little bit in terms of like what they could do they weren't you know the idea of a woman being a president or a ceo or anything like that was still

a woman was still really unlikely um so it made them look like more progressive and suddenly America suddenly has to catch up.

And the space race instead of ending, America pushes even harder to build the first base on the moon.

And then they want to go to Mars and they want to build space hotels.

So it takes the space race and says if America winning, put a stop to it.

Whereas if Russia had won and kept competing,

the Soviet Union doesn't collapse.

And it's all very, you know, it supposes a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's a nice old history show.

Yeah, it's clever.

It sort of takes place over like three generations.

Well, not three generations.

Three sort of time periods.

Two generations.

It was like an alternate

timeline sort of thing.

I thought it was just, oh, how we got to the moon.

Yeah, that's what I thought it was going to be.

No, it's quite clever because it re-envisions the sort of all the political landscape as well.

A bit like the man in the high castle with the

Nazis.

Yeah, but with all the novels.

So

that was sort of meant to be not an alternate alternate history, but certainly in the novel.

I haven't finished the TV show, I must admit.

I don't know if it comes up.

But the whole point of the novel is that the Nazis didn't win.

There's some weird thing where reality has become twisted and the real version of what actually happened

is

out there.

And there's this film called The Grasshopper Lies Easy or something like that that is essentially...

all the post-war newsreel footage of the Allied victory.

And this film is like forbidden in Nazi America and Japanese America because they split it down the middle.

And it hints at the fact that something has gone wrong and they're trapped in the wrong reality.

It's like all classic Philip K.

Dick stuff where it's all what is real?

And like that's the biggest question, which as I've said before, when you're on as much speed as he was on, what is real is a genuine question you probably ask yourself every day.

Yeah, for sure.

I think that it's

it doesn't need that like Deus Ex Machinery kind of like, oh, it was all a dream.

Like, it doesn't need that

to be interesting enough, right?

But yeah, Super Mario 2.

I think a lot of a lot of places are a bit of cop-out, right, at the end.

Like, that's just what happens.

I think sometimes these writers, they get a really cool idea.

They just run with it.

and they have fun with it and it's a really cool concept but they're not really

really a good idea to tie it up in a neat bow at the and i i get it like i think that's a good way to that's certainly the way stephen king writes right his his his his attitude has always been i'm just gonna go for it and you know worry about tying it up at the end because life and real stories don't always have neat tying up endings you know it would be nice if his books were a little neater though because they're like this fucking thick Most of it is just about people living in Maine.

Every single thing that happens in all of his books, barring a handful, happen in Maine.

And I think he just goes for a drive,

and

basically, things that he sees, he's like, I'll put that in.

That'll make a chap.

And just goes home and boshes it out.

It doesn't really make any sense.

That's literally what he does.

Yeah, that's his thing.

Like, he's just that plane is landing.

That sounds like a landing plane.

Grasshopper lies heavy.

Oh, that's a lander, baby.

That's a lander.

And I think that must be coming in from, I want to say, Spain.

I want to say.

I'll check it out.

I'll check it out right now.

Istanbul.

Yeah.

It's an early flight.

It's an early.

It's a takeoff.

Okay.

It was a takeoff.

It's a takeoff.

It's going to Istanbul.

Oh, fuck me, I guess.

I'm just.

It's going to Istanbul.

Wow.

Lewis, didn't you say it was coming from Istanbul?

I did.

I did.

I did.

But.

It's going to.

Is that because you looked it up on flight?

No, I didn't.

Like a little cheat, really.

TJ, you can confirm.

I just, that was just a shit.

It's on flight radar right now, isn't it?

He's got it on his watch.

So that was a that was taken off.

It was scheduled to take off at 11:20.

what is the most

commonly flown route in the world what is like the most most i'll look this up you guys have a guess because what they have like the most flights going out back and forth to i want number of people not like small planes

new york to london has got to be a one up there it's got to be a uh an up there busy route no no i reckon it's something like one of these indonesian ones where it's like kuala lump or to like or something like this like two big two big islands that are near to each other that are both big cities like it would be something like that right it must be all right so i'll tell you right away it's jeju in korea to seoul in korea jeju to it's a 500 it's a 449 kilometer journey and in 2021 it was flown 17 million uh seats were flown out on that route so that these are internal flights obviously um so let's look at what is the most commonly flown

because they don't have a very good like train network do you know what I mean because I feel like in Japan the Shinkansen's so good that you would just take that instead of the plane is it Johnju did you say Jeju where the fuck is Jeju Hong Kong to Taipei 6.7 million in 2024 Cairo to Jeddah 5.4 million in 2024 Cairo to Saudi Jeddah

yeah London to New York 4 million people in 2024 down there that's a lot Where's Jeddah?

It's in Saudi Arabia.

You could take a boat.

I think it's not necessarily people who live in New York just going to London for fun.

I think

you get transatlantic and then you transfer, right?

Like, it's not.

Because Jeju is an island?

Oh, yeah, you're right.

It is.

Jeju is on the little island.

No, Jeddah.

No, Korean.

Jeddah.

Koreans.

Oh, I see.

We're talking about the Korean one.

So Jeddah, you go there to get to Mecca.

That's right.

So it is on a little bit of a.

So it's people doing the best.

Is Jeju like

nice holiday destination or something?

Let's have a look.

Jeju Airport is on Jeju Island.

Jeju Island is.

It's kind of

off the bottom of the island.

It's like that.

It's off the bottom.

It's right south.

And it was formed by the eruption of a submarine volcano two million years ago.

Doesn't it?

It contains a natural world heritage site, the Jeju Volcanic Island and lava tubes.

Nice.

So there you go.

It's a popular holiday destination and a sizable portion of the economy relies on tourism.

Let's look up Jeju Island pictures.

That's interesting that the most

busiest route in the world is this

internal route.

I mean, I guess it's close to the number one.

Like, the thing is, if you look at Korea and where it is,

their holiday destinations are fairly limited.

You'd have to go to Western Russia, or Eastern Russia, which doesn't sound very appealing.

China, which doesn't sound very appealing.

Japan, which is, you know,

not that dissimilar to Korea.

And then you're going to have to fly much further south.

It can't just pop to Spain on EasyJet like we can.

It's quite a haul.

So I guess maybe a lot more of Korean tourism is internal.

Yeah.

It's weird to me.

Just a thought.

Yeah.

They kind of sandwiched him.

I mean, they could pop to North Korea on holiday, maybe?

That'd be nice.

It's a one-way ticket, but you could go.

I like how Infra Manuel.

I went over and you guys missed it because it was teeny tiny.

Just a small one.

It was very little.

Yeah.

It's a private jet.

It is actually booting it.

It is.

Spain.

It's no, it's going to fucking Luton airport.

Nothing beats that.

Private jet.

Take me to Luton immediately.

Who can afford a private jet, but wants to go to Luton?

Oh,

man.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Luton of all places.

Looting.

God bless.

This episode is brought to you by Tic Tac.

Your boss is going off at you for missing a deadline and you swear the clock just moved backwards.

Suddenly, you remember the pack of Tic-Tacs on your desk.

Now you're riding horseback on the beach, the smell of citrus in the air.

And what's this?

Your boss is sitting behind you, breathing heavenly fresh mint.

Refresh your mouth and mind and share your good vibes with Tic Tac.

Don't you want that Max?

Cooper loves that shoe too.

Oh, now he's into Cooper's food.

Wow, he is loving it.

What do you feed Cooper?

Blue Buffalo life protection formula.

He never leaves a crumb.

I love it because it's made with high quality protein, nutrient-rich fruits and veggies, and wholesome whole grains.

Looks like we're switching to blue.

Blue Buffalo foods are made with the superior ingredients your dog needs to thrive.

Can your dog food say that?

Visit feedbluefood.com to learn more.

All right.

Hit us with some loose news.

All right.

Okay.

What have we got?

We got

teenagers Wu and Tang who urinated in a hot pot in a Shanghai restaurant have been fined £230,000.

Apparently, this was big news back in the...

For urinating in a pot?

There are a couple of teenagers who peed in a hot pot in right now and they became like global pariahs um and everyone and their names are their names are wu and tang no right this is no this is true are they in a clan together it's nothing no

it's unrelated it's just a coincidence right uh they

They apparently intentionally did it.

It went viral, very viral, and

caused

the police was NWA, not the Wu-Tang clan.

But yeah, they were...

It was quite the story.

Anyway, they've been fined for it.

That's a lot of money to get fine for pissing in a half-part.

They took turns standing on a table and filming themselves urinating into a cooking vessel at an eatery in Shanghai.

All right, I don't like the term eatery.

Yeah, well, you've been to Shanghai.

You know what it's like there.

I have.

I've been there twice.

You just said it was just wall-to-wall buildings.

I don't like the term eatery.

It sounds old-fashioned, but I don't hate it.

It's annoying.

It's just annoying.

All right, here we go.

Big boy coming over.

It's an A380 and it's landing.

Oh, the noise gate cuts me off.

Sorry.

There it is.

Can you hear the big boy on his way in?

He's coming in.

Is it a big A380?

It is not.

It's a Boeing.

It's a Boeing.

Ew.

Yeah.

So keep an eye out for falling passengers.

It's 777.

It took off 34 minutes late.

It's going to

Spain.

No.

Shit.

Police?

No.

It's a big plane, so it's going somewhere far away.

At this time of day, it could be going to like, it could be going to the East Coast US, maybe.

A lot of flights to the U.S.

start off in the morning for some reason.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What do you think?

I think if it's a Boeing 777 it's going to

uh new york or maybe washington or maybe it's going west coast oh west cool okay la

no san francisco no close san diego yes

nice oh i want to be on that sandy

means old old wooden ship

does it San Diego.

It's just from fucking anchor man.

What's another

lose news?

Did you see yesterday that the Department of Homeland Security have started using the Pokemon theme tune to promote kidnapping?

Yes.

There is a pretty awful video showing like ICE.

cops, border patrol officers, military agents blasting people's houses up.

Dozens of people and using the theme tune from the 90s saying

gotta catch them all.

Yeah.

Pretty fucking disgraceful, hey.

So, yeah, the video includes mock-ups of Pokemon cards where people's mugshots are the art.

What a life.

Nintendo has to sue, though, right?

I think they have.

They've complained.

I don't think it's.

The thing is, it's

if you do, they're very audacious.

If you do, then you know who is going to say that they're banned, that Nintendo is banned.

Yeah, you know, I'm not planning on going to Nintendo.

I'm not planning on going to America.

Don't play Nintendo.

I'm going to go to Spain instead.

I've always been a Sega guy.

Sonic's the one.

Mario's garbage.

He says he's a plumber.

He's not even American.

That guy.

Oh, good.

What's the next news?

Related to this Pokemon event, there is a, you know, the really popular Pokemon TCG Pocket, which I've been playing on my phone for the last year.

Sorry, what?

There's a game called...

Basically, it's the Pokemon training card game, but it's on phones.

It's like one of the most popular phone games there is.

You log in every day, you get free packs.

Naturally, we don't know anything about it.

You get free packs, you open the packs,

and there's Pokemon cards in there.

Oh, no, Pokemon.

Is it Pokemon?

It is, yeah.

I've heard of Pokemon.

Is it?

It is Pokemon.

It is.

And you play it on your phone, dear.

Is it fun?

Is it fun?

No.

It's not fun.

Well, what are you playing it for?

Well,

oh my god.

It's crack, isn't it?

It's cardboard.

I just got £15 off groceries.

Yeah.

Wow.

Oh, thanks, Uber Eats.

15 pounds off groceries right there.

Just like that.

Holy shit.

Are you just advocating?

What a great day.

Wait, this is the beginning of the rapture.

You're not going to get to use that 15 pounds.

Yeah, I just got 15 pounds for off groceries and now I'm going to be raptured.

I'm going to be raptured.

So

basically,

the Pokemon Trading Card Game Pocket are doing a real-life event space where you can walk through some Pokemon cards in life size.

So it's going to be an art gallery of life size Pokemon cards.

Barry, let's get him some tickets because he'd love this.

You can walk around.

It's in Rome in Italy.

And it's going to be the Pokemon Pocket Trading Card Pocket Plaza.

Why did you put it in Rome?

Rome's a city of like ancient history and beauty and culture.

And now you're sticking a fucking...

You can walk through a Pokeball card.

Oh.

What have we come to?

But then it's no one's going to be looking.

In a thousand years, no one's going to be looking at this.

We should be building things for future people.

It's coming after Rome.

It's coming to Westfield, London.

Of course it is.

What a load of work.

3rd of October.

And then in Madrid.

Zips, you want to go and see Pokeball cards when you're on hold age?

When is it going to be

October?

Oh, I'm not going to be there.

Oh,

reschedule the whole trip you wouldn't want to miss this so yeah and there's going to be

i don't really want to miss it there's all sorts of this garbage there's a pokemon pop-up shop at the national history museum happening people go crazy for this one these korean chains opened up in um cabot circus and they did like a hundred give a giveaway for like you know first hundred people get a free corn dog or korean corn dog or whatever it was it was rammed there was like queuing round round the whole place it was absolutely they should do a laboo boo instead they should have a if they do like a pop-up of this stuff it's

it's out of control it it's

it's goes it's just so crazy um i told i think i've spoken before about the star wars virtual reality experience that i did at westfield yeah you did which is which was terrible all this pop-up stuff you said you loved it I didn't.

It was awful.

It was hysterically bad.

Like, we were laughing the whole time at how shit it was.

So.

It was really, really bizarre.

Do you remember five?

So, sorry, Ms.

Cupcakes, who we know.

How different would Conclave have been if they had Stanley Tucci walking through the Pokemon experience?

That's true.

It would have been very different.

When is it going to be at the Vatican?

The Pope can bless.

Conclave.

He's American.

They love Pokemon.

I avoid that.

Yes.

He plays.

Can you imagine the Pope getting his phone out and playing a bit of Pikachu?

Pope Mon.

They got a Pikachu.

Pope him on.

Well, he's got Poplio, hasn't he?

Poplio.

God bless them all.

God bless them.

God damn it.

So, you know, Fire Festival?

Do you remember this?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fire with a one.

This is the big scam one, right?

That never

went ahead.

Fire Festival brand went up for sale on eBay.

They said they were doing a second one.

Yeah, I thought they were doing a second one.

Have they already canned it?

I think it might be canned.

But they're basically putting the brand up

on eBay.

For a tenner?

And guess how much it went for?

£10,000.

$245,000.

Right.

And guess who bought it?

Elon Musk.

LimeWire.

What?

No.

I know.

Fucking hell.

Lime wire.

This is this fucking stupid world we live in.

First of all, is lime wire still a thing?

Yeah, I guess so.

Well, at least it's $245,000 worth of thing.

Second of all, how did LimeWire make any money?

I don't even know.

We live in a fucked up world, don't we, with this stupid shit?

I didn't even think LimeWire was a place where you needed people to work because all it is is a torrenting platform where you can exchange was.

I can't.

Well, yeah, I don't even think it's still going.

Is LimeWire still going?

LimeWire was like, was when Napster was like,

you know, shut down.

It was the Wild West.

Everything you downloaded was like...

Just dog shit.

It was so bad.

I did get some good music off LimeWire.

I didn't have Napster.

Never used Napster.

You never had Napster.

I had Napster for a bit, and then I think I used LimeWire.

Oh, God.

Sorry.

Frostwire.

Never heard of Frostwire.

Oh, slightly.

I guarantee you, LimeWire's, if we look it up, it'll be a company that has 400 employees somehow.

I'm going to look them up right now.

LimeWire.

Maybe it's just a company that...

It's still going.

It's still going.

Maybe it doesn't actually make money.

It just gets like given money.

Oh, it's end-to-end encrypted, AI-powered file-sharing platform.

What a

shit!

God, AI frightening, uh, frightening words.

So, um, we've got another like 15 minutes.

All right, and because we're doing this live, it would be nice to interact with people live.

So,

if you want to ask us a question in chat, now's the time, and we'll do a little do a little

mailbag.

Lime wire is now an NFT service.

Oh, that those

are just make my bile rise.

I know.

So it's just a load of absolute shit.

Someone wants...

CB Zombies wants to say Wheels was here.

Amazing.

You did it.

Barons, Bruce, Sipsonoos, do either of you still play WoW?

I haven't played WoW in years, but...

I'm going to play it this year when the player housing starts.

Well, WoW is this weird thing that is as I'm sure X Wow players know it's always there.

It's like it's like X X users know what the heroin feels like and they

they kind of want it, but they know it's bad for them.

And

so it does have like this kind of when we pick up Wow again, we realize why we quit because the game's pretty dated, honestly.

Walking around,

the way you interact, the way you move around, it feels pretty

pretty old.

Notice how big everything is in that game like it's like none of it was designed for uh people to use it like every every room every staircase like everything is massive like it's huge like it like it's like a like giant world but you're just like little little mice running around in it or something yeah and it does feel like uh the fomo is such a powerful aspect of it now and they built all these very skinner box type mechanics in which make you feel like you're missing out and you have to keep logging in and they do everything they because of the way it's built with the subscription service all they care about is getting you to resubscribe and they they make you they they hook into a lot of your desires with you know wanting to complete things wanting to achieve things wanting to you know collect things and they and and they they they they dangle that carrot just out of reach just out of reach and it's if you let me build and decorate my own house in it I'm there for all of it.

I'll do that.

You know what I mean?

And so I don't.

I'm trying to collect the stuff.

Like, I think it's one of these games which is never quite satisfying sadly and i think that i've never i it's never done yeah it took me a long time to realize that it was poison and toxic and so i don't really want to play wow uh anymore um partly because also like i don't really have chums like that that i want to play it with i think i think then again like this We talked about this a lot.

If you've got a little group of friends and you want to play the friend slop games for an afternoon, it's good.

It's just an excuse to hang out with friends, right?

But I feel like...

Friends slop.

a little bit more like

in like

stuff like that.

Repo.

Next question.

What we got?

Hate friends.

Star Trek the Next Generation favorite episode, Yummy Pasta, 1231.

Joe, I was tempted to start watching Star Trek the Next Generation the other day.

It was on, I think, the full, all the seasons are on one of the streaming services.

I have some Star Trek Next Generation-related news that you have just reminded me of.

Oh, yeah.

I can't tell you what my favorite episode is, but the ones I don't like are all the ones ones where they go back to like 1930s Chicago.

You like those?

I don't like them.

Oh, you don't.

No, they're direct trouble.

The holiday episode.

So Card goes into the holodeck and does like a full poetry recital for like an episode.

I hate those ones.

So here's my Star Trek related news.

Marina Certis, Deanna Troy, goes to, lives in Twickenham.

Yes.

And goes to the same gym as one of Mrs.

F's friends.

So I was like, can you get me a picture with Deanna Troy somehow?

Why don't you get

down there to the gym?

You know, get yourself because that's a little creepy.

Get yourself working out.

Start lifting.

If the gym works out for a Star Fleet uniform, that would be

no, because as we know, when her and Bev Crusher work out, they wear a special new slinky.

They wear like a yoga outfit.

Do you remember the aerobic setting?

She should make an exception just for you, though, Flax, if you went down.

She is in her 70s now, bless her.

So that was my sexual awakening.

So, God,

I love that.

huge huge fan huge fan i kind of like uh i kind of like beverly crusher as well you know like she was she's she's great she's fantastic i don't know what she's very stern looking almost like almost like a stern

but but in a way that she's not stern like for the bit do you know what i mean like she's not she's not like femme dom stern where she's just putting it on she's actually cool she just seems in unapproachably stern professional yeah she's professionally stern yeah i mean she's quite sweet to Jean-Luc occasionally.

I always think, why didn't he just fucking get on with it?

Just fucking shag Beverly and be a nice couple.

Instead, he's always like, Beverly,

I've got captain stuff to do.

They're stuck on the ship together for so long, you know, like you can't.

Get it on.

You know, if it doesn't work out, then pretty much.

Maybe he just revels in

the sexual tension, you know?

Maybe he wants to just have like non-stop, all-the-time sexual tension.

He doesn't want to break it.

It's got to be worse.

I mean, I watched an episode the other day where Picardo is abducted and they put a phony captain in his place who's like a completely terrible captain.

Yeah, like just like a sorrow version of himself.

Yeah, he's like singing and buying everyone drinks at the bar.

He shags Beverly.

And when Captain Picard comes back, she's just kind of like a bit looking at him a bit different.

She's not like, oh my God,

I've been sexually assaulted by an alien posing as Captain Picard.

This has changed my relationship completely.

She's just like, gosh, that was an interesting night, wasn't it, Jean-Luc?

You've got that look on your face like my alter ego fucked you.

Exactly.

It was so weird.

It was so weird.

Oh, man.

Right.

Next Generation

was quite perverted.

Well, that was when Roddenberry was the main guy.

It did persist after he left, but Gene Problemberry, when he died, the show improved massively.

I'm actually going to be doing, I suppose I'm going to...

Is there that episode where the Enterprise

blows up, but they're stuck in a loop.

I think it's because of the...

Yeah, Kelsey Grammar comes out of a hole in space.

Yeah.

And it almost hits.

It's repeating itself.

The number three, the number three, the number three.

Yeah, over and over.

Some real great episodes.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was a good one.

I'll tell you guys, me and Ben are going to be starting a new podcast.

We're recording the first episode tomorrow.

What?

And we're going to watch Star Trek Next Generation from the beginning.

From episode one all the way through and comment on, like, each episode will be one episode of Next Gen that we have watched and we'll talk about how much we hate it.

That's great.

I don't know about the name.

I was thinking Star Trek the Flaxed Beneration, but that doesn't really make any sense.

So we'll have to come up with something.

I like that.

It's stupid enough.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sure.

It's not really very google-able, but that's fine.

No.

And my other podcast idea that I haven't, I'm thinking about it, but I don't know if we could actually do it, would be that we get, like, the whole idea of the podcast is that that um i i have a guest on the show and i have to get them to recommend the next guest on the show and it has to be someone who they think other people will know like a famous person or someone that was is known for something we gradually try and work up through the levels of oh my god you could get deanna troy on you could do it like that tom hanks thing where like dead eyes that podcast remember that where he he got rejected for

Bradder Brothers because Tom Hanks said he had dead eyes.

And so he went on this whole crusade to speak.

Yeah, that's right.

Tom Hanks

dead eyes or not yeah

that was brilliant that was brilliant

yeah but I thought that that would be quite funny

to boldly go but Ben isn't bald so it doesn't make sense oh that works so well

that works yes but it doesn't make sense because Ben's not bald to boldly go looks so good ben if Ben's coming he's gonna be bald soon let's be honest look at him he's down Ben's hair is in fine fashion a lot of hair that guy he's a hair yeah it goes fast look at sips you know

Get rid of Ben.

We cannot get rid of Ben.

It goes...

Before you know it, it's gone.

Get Boba?

She's not bald.

She's shaved her head.

That's a difference.

But no, but that's a choice, though.

You choose to become bald.

I see this on R slash Bald a lot.

I don't know why I'm subscribed to the subreddit.

R slash bald.

No reason.

There's an R slash bald subreddit.

But routinely, you get people...

Almost every day, there's like a couple of posts of some guy who's got terrible long eyes.

I finally did it.

Exactly.

And he's like,

I finally did.

I took the plunge.

And everyone in the comments is like, you look so much better.

Great job.

Yeah.

That's good.

I say, you know what?

It's nice.

I did,

I have spoken to a lot of, when I'm at Dote Revents and stuff, a lot of the talent

to me and says,

what do you think?

Should I shave my head?

And they see me as like the bold advisor the member of the bold council and my my boy shane is occasionally at present as well and we'll discuss the matter with them and discuss whether they should shave their head and stuff there's a bunch of baldies actually there isn't it there are now there's a bunch yeah but but that's when i started there were no other it must be the the the dota brain you know the big the hot it's just age they're all getting older now it's just lads in their mid-30s and stuff um and uh they'll come up to me and be like looking for advice if i'd go and bold what do you think was my head a weird shape that kind of thing um but my friend lyrical who's a who's a brilliant caster he's one of the one of the the top casters um it must have been i must have been drunk at a party or something and i went up to him and said don't don't think you're fooling me i can see what's going on here you should shave that off and then he did so i actually bullied him into shaving his head and he is now bob i had no memory of being that horrible to him it was awful i i look i think there's a it's about star trek right at a certain point in your life you move from being will riker to being jean-luc picard right and you know when you've you know when you're ready to make that transition to the elder statesman then that's the time to to take the plunge so yeah um do you think being bold makes you look like an elder statesman it kind of does yeah it gives you like a like a like an gravitational

authority of what it's a sign of wisdom it's like having a long white beard

instead of having a long white beard now because that's comical and you if you have a long white beard, you're like some tree-worshipping, you know, hippie who lives in a caravan and eats grass.

Somebody is telling me that Riker apparently had chronic back pain.

The actor.

That's why he does the wins.

He doesn't

ever stands a lot.

Stands a lot or sits funny.

Yeah.

He had some back pain.

Apparently, too.

Yeah,

which makes sense.

But yeah, it's definitely a vibe.

I think a lot of people have rocked the bald over the years, and I think it's

a safe bet for a good look.

You know, I rarely see a bald person.

I think, oh, that doesn't work.

You know, it doesn't work on you.

But you see a lot of people.

You see a lot of people with their hair disappearing back.

Once you've lost your hair, you can't just.

I mean, I guess you could wear a wig or something, but like something.

Oh, shit, the elephant in the room sips.

You just get used to it, I suppose.

I get used to seeing the person bald, but then you yourself would be used to being bald.

This isn't an intervention for you.

We're not talking around you.

We forgot that your hair looks great.

We like you as you are.

You don't need to go bald.

Thanks.

You don't need to be posting on our session board.

You look fantastic, Sips.

I was going to take the plunge, but now that you've said that, I guess I don't need to.

We weren't like, I completely forgot.

Next bit of lose news.

I don't think there's any more.

Sam only did them three.

Sam only did them three.

We were actually questions, not lose news.

We were taking questions from Sam's from Essex, so I speak like he does.

That's all I got.

Nothing else.

I ain't got no lose news.

That was four things as well.

That was good.

Can I tell you guys quickly before we go?

I watched the last episode of that stranded on Honeymoon Island that was on BBC One, and apparently

it it didn't get very good views and it's not coming back.

Really?

Stranded on Honeymoon Island?

It was really something else.

Have I worn wigs?

No, I would never wear a wig.

Why would I wear a wig?

Other than like for fun.

In fact, I think I had a wig knocking on

it.

It's done.

No more stranded on Honeymoon Island.

And you know what?

Like wigs are, you know, always an option if you're if you've shaved your head.

You know, you could just do all sorts of them.

No, they're not.

You could be.

It's not an option.

You can't wear a wig.

What are you talking about?

CJ's just put a big sign up saying wrap-up time.

We are painfully aware that this podcast is puttering, it's buttering, and it's and it's almost like we can handle about an hour and a half of each other a week.

Do you want to do the ads live as well or not?

There is probably one, but I'd probably have to do it.

I'll do it separately.

We could do it, and then you just don't use it.

i'll do it myself

then only you only do it if we're going to use it you guys honestly the ads are so much better when you guys do them um

anyone sponsored this week is gaviscon uh gaviscon

double action mint yeah it's a

500 available and 500 available

gallon it's like a innocent smoothie oh my god also sponsored by renny which is available geez you have a lot of heartburn you should probably

have the orange Rennies.

No, no.

Oh, my God.

They fizz up like crazy in your mouth.

I don't know what they put in them, but like the normal Rennies, you chew them up and you swallow them in swine.

The orange ones like fizz up.

It's like

they like they expand, like the foam expands in your mouth.

It's Jesus.

Shout out to the lovely

Midnight Queen who just wrote in chat.

Before the stream ends, I wanted you all to know the old scars have been a major part of my life since primary school and I finished uni three years ago.

Thanks for making my days better.

Oh man, Like, this is some nice messages in chat.

Thank you for watching this live.

Thanks.

Before we go, are there any other things you guys want to let us know?

Any other business before we end this meeting?

Any other business?

No, very well.

Let's circulate the minutes later on this.

My home renovations are going to be done this weekend.

You've been saying that for about two years.

No, it's like it's going to like official.

I think Sunday is like the last day.

The last thing that's done.

And your house is finally done.

Yeah.

Wow.

it's a lot of work isn't it i'm i'm excited i'm getting i'm getting a house soon and it's gonna be absolutely i gotta think of something new to do because i'm gonna miss all these guys are you around all the time

yeah yeah i don't get an opportunity to have like manly chats with people what's your best tip for like finding a good person to do work on your plan get recommended one get recommended one right yeah the work's already been done the hard work's already been done by people out there who've had their stuff done ask uh like ask around ask around ask around uh for recommendations or like if you see somebody like a neighbor having some work done and there's like a sign outside just go knock on the door and just say oh are they actually any good or whatever and get a recommendation that way all right and if they go but don't just go don't just like go it like don't like phone books or phone a1 builders yeah don't don't do that what if they got like 50 good google reviews or something like that doesn't matter

no you can you can

personally now yeah get a personal review from somebody somebody though all the best tradesmen i've i've had it have all come from people recommending them there you go well if you're uh if you're doing work in the bristol area you know let me know um no that's the opposite of what we're talking about

there are a lot of people i sorry they're doing if you've had work done in the bristol area and you have any recommendations there you go i did it that's what i'm saying and if you if you do if you're a fan i don't want you coming to my house there we go

i did have an Ecado delivery by a fan.

Did you?

That's

he knows exactly what I get every week.

From where you live.

15 gallons of Gavascon.

You should see someone about that.

Two large tubs of lube.

Lube of Gavascon.

Yeah, that's all you need, mate.

That's all.

Can I stop this audio now?

Are we done?

Yeah, we're stopping.

We are stopping.

So thanks, everyone, for listening to this stupid video.

Yeah, cheers.

Try force

after all these years.

All right.

Bye.

We'll see you guys next week.

Bye.

Bye, bye, bye.

Bye.

Hi, I'm Dan Maher, host of the Convergence Podcast, where I invite the talented, inventive, and uncompromising minds behind some of your favorite and soon-to-be-favorite indie games to talk about what they do best.

On each episode, I invite two members of the indie community, many of whom will be meeting for the very first time to share their journeys, their formative experiences, their successes and failures, their advice for aspiring indie devs, and no doubt lots of unrelated waffle, too.

I mean, this is a podcast after all.

If this sounds like your cup of gin, then subscribe to the Convergence podcast from wherever you choose to ethically source your podcasts.