206: Chaos as Usual..

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Are you guys ready?

Yes.

Yes. I am so, so excited.
This is the first week that video is dropping right on Spotify. Direct.
Spotify. Direct.
Ooh. Yeah.
Wow. You were giving like that S that you draw like six lines for and then connect and a little you know remember a superhero s oh so good i was never really good at drawing that oh i crush that was crazy but nuts so so excited to be a part of the spotify family it has been four years of hard work a lot of episodes to get us here but we are in a new era and it is so, so crazy, exciting.
We're grateful. We're thankful.
I'm blown away. I'm just overwhelmed.
I'm overwhelmed and I'm a little scared because I'm nervous how many people are seeing our face for the first time. Hope you're not disappointed.
I'm so sorry if you are disappointed. I'm Morgan, by the way, just in case you didn't know.
I'm Lauren. I'm Justin.
These are my regular co-hosts because there might be some people coming in. They might be seeing the pod up on bright billboards.
They might be like, what is this two hot takes? Reddit stories? Crazy drama? Yeah, we get into it all. We've been here four years.
And if you're new, you will come across some iconic stories like The Coconut, The Buttersticks, Slugs. I mean, we have covered chaos over the past four years.
Absolutely. Yes.
We're traumatized and also just desensitized. Yeah.
Yeah. That's the best way to put it.
Something like that. I have so much information from Reddit now that when I'm talking to friends about issues going on in their life, I'm like, well, this one, this one lady, 27 female.
I just have people, friends, close friends of mine, that'll say, oh oh you're doing the podcast thing when they bring up issues to me i'm like well did you talk to blah blah did they see it this way because maybe they're thinking about it like this he's like oh you're doing what you do on the show i'm like well yeah but that's just me on the show i'm also that we started. Yeah.
That's how we started. Literally, this whole idea came about really like, I think the first text I ever had was like 2019, like, let's start a podcast.
But it really got brought to life because of COVID and like being so bored and alone and scared and depressed that like we were sending Reddit stories back and forth and and i would send i would send them to everyone and i'm like really probably starting to annoy everyone like what about a podcast and that's what it was it was just like talking through these stories trying to understand them giving some takes and it's turned into all of this yeah which is pretty freaking wild. Morgan used to make me come over to her house during COVID and just like do a bunch of like tricks.
Like I felt like a pony. Well, no, we actually made me be a pony.
I did. For TikTok.
She's like, let's make something out of this media world. And I'm like, we're too old.
We were jumping over rolls of toilet paper trying to make it. Just trying to make something happen.

I mean, COVID was a crazy time.

Crazy time.

But here we are.

This is another episode full of chaotic, crazy, unhinged stories.

And I really, really hope you enjoy the show.

Especially our OGs.

Been here four years.

Love you all. Are you guys guys ready let's do it let's

go let's dive in Okay, are we ready for this first one? Yes. Okay.
This first one is coming from A-I-T-A-H, eight days old, titled, Am I the asshole for deciding to postpone the wedding over a comment my fiance made about my scar? I, female, have a visible scar on the side of my neck. It's been there for over six years and no one has ever commented on it or made any negative remarks about it.
However, my fiance would make comments about my scar and make it seem as flirting. Like, for instance, complaining he has kissed every part of my body except my neck because of the scar.
And how the scar, quote, looked like a kid messed up such a great art, referring to look oh no etc etc i told him i didn't appreciate it even if he was using the scar to be flirty with me but he insisted he loves me anyways how is that flirty yeah what part of that was flirty our wedding is approaching and i've been busy with the wedding planning and days ago my fiance and I and in-laws were talking about the wedding and we're talking about how we're going to finally be married. He laughed and said quote I'm marrying you minus the scar.
Absolutely not. I was stunned when he said that especially in front of his family.
I was so upset I got up and walked out of the room. We had a big fight, and he kept saying I was being a drama queen and that he said nothing wrong.
He doubled down when I said I'd consider postponing the wedding because of his comment, and then he called me crazy. His mom said that I'm obviously traumatized by my scar to let it ruin my marriage with her son, and she suggested therapy.
She told me that the scar was the issue, not her son who loves me as I am and chose me to be his wife. I'm so pissed.
I don't know. I feel really horrible right now.
I don't know if I said the right thing about postponing the wedding and whether I'm overreacting in this situation. My girlfriends have previously said that my fiance shouldn't even be bringing up the scar like that.
Absolutely not. Am I the asshole? No.
Justin, you want to take this? his mom is saying for him that no, he's marrying you, all of you, for you, when that directly contradicts everything. True.
So with that in mind, this is, some could say, oh, well, it's just, he doesn like one little whatever, part of you, whatever. But really, this is a character thing.
This isn't just, oh, he made a bad comment, and it's a pattern of bad comments, which, you know, I always like to react to a pattern and not a one-time whatever. And, you know, it makes it feel like this is a overall him red flag.
Yeah. Huge.
Where he can't get over the scar and he's going to keep bringing it up and then drop the bomb, probably of the worst comment he's made, or at least what it appears to be. It's really bad.
Right at this time. It's intentional, though.
Do you not think? Like it feels like he's made or at least what it appears to be really bad right at this time it's intentional though do you not think like it it feels like he's really trying to take her confidence down and like like neg her in a way like where he's just constantly poking like an insecurity and maybe it's not even an insecurity for her but he's constantly bringing up something that could negatively affect her and using it as a way to like, I don't know, it feels like keep her in check. Like, make sure you don't realize that you're too good for me.
Like, I'm just getting a really bad vibe from this. Yeah, it is.
It is a good question. Like, where does that even come from? Is it just because he thinks it's normal or funny to say stuff like that? Is he is he trying to get something like a reaction? Is he trying to make her feel small and that she's like that she gets the prize by winning him? Like, what is the motive? Is he hoping that, oh, well, if I keep making comments and now, man, now that I'm really committing forever, maybe I can convince her to, I don't know.

Like there's, there's no changing. I like, I don't think that that would be it because I feel he would instead say something like, oh, if that bothers you, like I'll help chip in for removal, you know, but then again, I don't know.
People are stupid. So and also that would be wrong for him to say too.
But it's just I don't know, guys. I don't know.
It's he sucks. I mean, I'm sorry.
He really sucks. This isn't something I would go on with because it's like you're maybe going to get scars later.
If you have kids, you get stretch marks. Those are scars.
What's he going to do? Oh, I love you for all of you. Accept those stretch marks.
Like you love me for me. End of story.
You love me, all of me, scar and all, bald and all. It doesn't matter.
It's either you love me for who I am or you don't really love me. I don't know.

And if there's something, because also it's not a perfect world where you do love every single aspect of the person you're with. We're not perfect.
Nobody ever in history or in the future is ever going to fit together like a perfect puzzle piece. It just, it's about loving someone for who they are overall.

Because you're not going to love...

Flaws and all, we all have flaws. Exactly.
And so if there is a flaw, you learn to love that flaw or you just don't bring it up and you don't keep making it a thing. And if it's really that big of a deal for you, then what are we doing anyway?

Yeah.

Because someone else is going to love this person 10 times more.

Yeah.

I feel like you guys are puzzle pieces.

We're pretty close.

I mean, I don't love that Justin doesn't fart.

Oh, God, we're doing this again.

We got to really let the new people know what they're getting.

I mean, imagine if she did that right before the wedding she's like i'm marrying you and not your non-farting-ness well that would be that would be kind of funny you know it's less serious yeah but no i i mean i like a lot of you guys know this i've talked about it, but I have a birthmark on my head and it makes like half of my hair color a different color. And I'm not insecure about it.
But I don't know. Sometimes I just I want to not show it because I maybe I'm a little insecure about it.
I don't know. It's just, I guess I don't, I don't like people to think that I diet because it makes me seem way edgier than I am.
So maybe that's where the insecure part is. I feel like I want to wear a sign that says, no, this is just a birthmark, but whatever it is, there's some feelings there.
And, um, if I were to, if my fiance were to say that to me about my birthmark yes yes, I can dye it. But knowing that he thinks that my birthmark looks bad or negative and he doesn't love me for the uniqueness or the random parts of me, that would hurt so much that I don't know that I would be interested in that relationship.
Completely agree. Yeah.
You should never inspire insecurities in the people you love. Yeah.
Because we all know from elementary school, middle school, high school, I bet we can all remember those comments, remember exactly where they happened, when they happened, and they still cross into our minds to this day. Fourth grade playground First time I got called fat.
Oh, I remember exactly who said it. I won't, I won't out him.
Yeah. It's that, or, you know, it's any other feature or anything like this scar.
I mean, she's obviously well aware of it. She's hopefully made peace with it and is just living her life until you come around and be like, oh, but that scar.
And you have to constantly point it out. And that whether it's trauma from the past or trauma literally created from you, not getting over the scar, you keep digging that knife in every single time.
And again, for what? So the top comment on this one, not the asshole.

That's hurtful, disrespectful, and calling attention to something that is very much a part of you in a negative way. When you love someone, you do so not out of spite of the things that make them unique, but because of those things.
I'd venture to say that scar has shaped how you feel about yourself, the world, relationships, etc., and contributed to the woman you are today. OP responds and says, thank you for your comment.
True. I feel like he has let me down because he, of all people, shouldn't be commenting on my scar, but I thought he meant well.
But now? I feel like it's deliberate, but for what purpose? Yeah. I have no idea.
Oh, and then let's not forget, too, you don't want that mother-in-law in your life? No, thanks. I mean, it's the classic.
Was anyone surprised when that part came up? I mean, it's the classic support your son. I think we've seen on both sides where they fiercely defend and enable.
And enable. And enable.
And enable. And an enemy Nice.
But yeah, you're enabling and you're just defending your child. Yeah.
And trying to hold it together probably for their sake because it doesn't seem like she and OP have the strongest relationship. relationship because I think in that sense it would be more of like yeah that was almost taking

her side making her feel better instead of just fully focusing on her son and the marriage oh you're gonna walk away just from for this you're gonna give up your whole marriage like super manipulative you're traumatized so there is a comment here that someone says the fact that they're making it sound like he's doing you a favor by marrying you even though you have a scar is the hugest red flag who the fuck comments on someone's scars like that for this long yeah and op goes to be honest i didn't see it this way at first but i guess the way he word, especially making those comments seem flirty, has been driving me insane. And this is the next comment after that.
I don't see how you found your example flirty. Look up negging.
Yeah. Thank you.
Yeah, there you go. Thank you, Sharper View, because that's what this is.
Like, this is someone making negative comments about you in hopes that you try to then seek their approval you really try to like impress them and it's it's a power dynamic thing and it's it's so gross there is one last comment from op it's in response to this he got his mom to gaslight you i bet this isn't the only constant douche move in your relationship. Yeah.
And OP goes, thank you. I thought the same thing when she made the trauma comment.
It hurt my feelings because I've always been accepting of my scar and never thought of it as traumatizing. Yeah, the traumatizing part is that family.
Yeah. Not the scar.
No, they're creating the trauma. Well, also, like, what are they implying by saying like oh your scar is traumatizing you it's like does my scar scare you does my what what are you implying i know well right and it's not oftentimes it's not whatever physical attribute or thing about you that is the traumatizing thing it's the way people treat you over it.
Yeah. That's what,

like when I was talking about the middle school, high school thing, it's the trauma from those people. If people had never said anything or made fun of you or made you feel bad about it, it wouldn't be traumatic at all because it's just you.
That's where it comes from. Yeah.
And that's what this family's doing now. I know there's, there's a comment too, And it's kind of reminding me, it's like a quote about disability.

It's like comment too. And it's kind of reminding me, um, it's like a quote about

disability. It's like people saying like my disability isn't what disables me.
It's the

world. Like it's, there's a saying and I'm, I'm not remembering it exactly right now, but it's,

it's more so that it's like, it's like, I'm, I'm good. It's how others treat me.
It's how the world

doesn't create a space that enables me. And it's like it's like i'm i'm good it's how others treat me it's how the world doesn't create a space that enables me and it's just it's frustrating really frustrating but okay we have no updates from op on this one no idea if the wedding is off yet i mean it's nine years old and uh yeah that's all we got.
So we're gonna have to keep our eyes peeled, see if anything comes of this one. Damn.
But moving along. Moving along.
Okay, this next one is coming from r slash relationship advice, three days old, titled, Boyfriend's behavior in restaurants leaves me embarrassed. How can I avoid these scenarios? Whenever me, 27 female, and my boyfriend, 29 male, go to a restaurant, he will often order something that he envisions in a certain way in his head, which is different from the way it's actually supposed to be.
And when his food arrives, he starts complaining that it's not what he had in mind. Mind you, this occurs eight out of 10 times.
For instance, yesterday he ordered

an espresso macchiato. A couple of minutes later, the waiter brings him exactly that.

After which, he freaks out, whining about not being able to get a decent coffee,

why he always has to suffer from getting this little shitty-ass cup of coffee. I used to work as a barista, so I know my way around coffee, and I explained that he got a perfectly prepared espresso macchiato.
Apparently, he automatically assumed that he would get a large cup of black coffee with milk, just because of the word macchiato. Then this morning, whilst we were getting brunch, I recommended him the toasted sandwiches, pointing at the list of ingredients, reading the name of it out loud simultaneously.
He liked the sound of veggie cheese, so he agreed to that. The waiter brings his veggie toast.
He whips the sandwich open, frantically searching for the eggs. I asked him, what eggs? He tells me he understood eggs and cheese instead of veggie cheese and didn't bother to look at the menu as he trusted me.
This was probably the fifth time in a row that the same incident occurs, and I'm getting frustrated with him, refusing to learn at least a few basic types of coffee since he's already consuming it on a regular basis, ending up causing a scene. Literally not one of my friends has ever done something remotely similar to this.
How am I supposed to handle this behavior? I'm curious what the causing a scene part is. I'm sure he's freaking out being like, I don't want to eat this.
I want something else. But like involving others? Uh-huh, the restaurant.
He's probably being like, send this back. I don't want this.
This isn't what I ordered. I don't want these the eggies and cheese.
Veggie like what did you expect to get he thought it was the eggies well i'm also wondering because you're right it is really odd like do you is do we think maybe there's like a learning issue or a reading issue and maybe too embarrassed to say it because it does seem very interesting i don't't I don't know the top comment on this one. Let's hear it.
Let's go. I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like he's straight up stupid.
Oh, ouch. I mean, like what what I have no explanation for this, except like maybe he's been enabled so long.
But like, yeah, in what world? His mom picked out all of his meals or something. Probably cuts his food up for him still.
But in what world would I would never be like macchiato must be a black coffee with some milk in it. That would be coffee with milk, coffee with cream.
I don't take risks like that. Anywhere I go, if I don't understand something that's on the menu, I'm looking that word up.
Or if it's something I'm used to, as simple as like a chicken sandwich, and the sauce has a weird name, and there's something in, you know, some word in there, I'll look it up. I don't take a chance.
Wow. I'm like, yeah, it's probably good, but well, I am not as compared to some members of Morgan's family, we have found out.
I am actually very not picky. So it depends, right? It depends who you're comparing to.
Compared to you, I'm probably very picky. But I don't take chances.
But also, I just think this makes me feel like I'm very easygoing. Because I, I'll order stuff.
It's kind of not what I expected. And I'm just like, I'm eating it.
I'm good. I don't know.
Like this, it's just a non-issue in my world. And obviously, if something's really bad, right? We've all had those experiences.
That's a different story.

That's so different Yeah

This is like

No

It's

Thank you. Yeah.
In my world. And obviously if something's really bad, right? We've all had those experiences.

That's a different story.

That's so different.

Yeah.

This is like, no, it's perfectly prepared the way it's supposed to be.

And you're just an idiot.

And now you're making a scene.

I could not put up with this long term.

Again, a pattern.

There's a pattern of this happening.

You've brought it up or that's kind of part of this conversation. you do it nothing changes i'm out there you go i liked that i think this cut your losses yeah you know what's kind of crazy i don't know what a macchiato is either just sounds fancy right macchiato i wouldn't i wouldn't do this i wouldn't do this but like I would look and see what was in it.
But I've never ordered a macchiato. So I actually don't even know what it entails.
And then you're just upset and angry. I'm picturing you like before a live show like, oh, it's coffee.
No, definitely not. But no, I feel like I've only ever ordered coffee, latte, or cappuccino.

Like, I don't think I've ever, ever ordered macchiato.

So my understanding, and I'm not a barista, never have been,

they're all similar, but have different amounts of espresso to cream or milk ratios.

So a macchiato is an espresso drink with a small amount of steamed or foamed milk.

The word macchiato is Italian for marked or stained.

That's a cute name.

You've got some macchiato pants.

What's that supposed to mean?

Marked?

Stained?

They're marked and stained.

Wait, with these pants?

Skid marked.

What?

Oh my god.

No.

We're off the rails. Why are you coming for me right right now back in got the macchiato pants no oh my god i saw when you walked in what this is a complete lie must have happened in the car definitely not where are you getting this you said stained or marked but why me why not you Why not Jerry? Like, Where are you getting this? You said stained or marked.
But why me?

Why not you?

Why not Jerry?

Like, why are you going for me?

Because I'm in control of my rear end.

And I'm not.

I don't know what's happened here.

I don't know.

There's a porta potty story.

You guys are, I don't even know what's going on.

Did you have a gummy? No. Oh my god.
It's high on life. Aw, that's sweet.
Here I am looking up differences between a cappuccino and a macchiato. A cappuccino has significantly larger proportion of steamed milk when compared to a macchiato, which only has a small amount.
Nice. So baristas chime in, but that's the vibe I'm getting.
Okay, so what does she do? Is she keeps on reading the menu to him, or are they scrum separate ways? There is a comment here that OP responds to. He sounds like a child.
Has he just been spoon-fed by his parents his entire life? This is a 27-year-old. OP responds, no, I'm 27.
He's 29. And the person goes, why do you put up with this? And OP goes, I haven't known him that long.
And I've noticed these cases in the past few weeks. Nothing similar beforehand.
I mean, I think there's an issue if you're having a tantrum past the age of eight, 10. I don't know.
Some days I crash out and I just turned 31. I'm talking like a tantrum.
Okay. Not like an adult, like just being angry and whatever.
I'm talking like little kid screaming, just ridiculous tantrum. Yeah.
I mean, there's a certain point where. Come on.
You got to reel it in a little bit. But I wonder again, like I'm thinking about the scar.
I'm thinking about this. I'm like, he didn't do it initially.
This is a recent thing over the past couple of weeks. Is this a test? Is he trying to get her to break up with him because he doesn't want to?

It's a weird way to do it. It would be a really weird way.

People have done weirder.

Creative.

People have done a lot weirder.

There's a lot easier ways to get someone to break up with you.

What's one of them?

Let's hear Justin.

Mr. Creative today.

Well, you can poop your pants like Lauren.

Oh my God. You can cheat.
You can lie. You can steal all their shit.
First of all. You can burn their house down.
You can't just drop bombs like that. You guys, my pants are completely clean.
I feel like I need to show them my pants. This is so an inch.
There's a lot of stuff you could do. could burn their house down ordering stuff at a restaurant and pretending it's not what you wanted burning their house down well there's probably you know there's jail time included with that so but there are other ways to speed this thing up if that's really what your motive is well we have no updates on if they're breaking up or not.
I mean, this is three days old, and I'm curious about an update, OP. So if you're out there, let us know what you do.
Hit us up. Let us know.
Active account, though, posting things as recent as one day ago. Oh, okay.
So, OP, chime in. Tell us.
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Okay, moving on to the very last story i have with you two ever well not ever i hope not ever imagine that that'd be weird during our last story lauren got really scared over there so this is coming from r slash true off my chest 13 Days Old. is titled my husband lied about coming to help me while i was critically sick i 28 female have been married to my husband 32 male for three years we have a one-year-old daughter together up until recently i thought i could count on him when i truly needed him.
But last week, he proved me completely wrong.

I'd been feeling off for a couple of days. Fatigued, nauseous, just generally unwell.

Then one morning, I woke up with a fever, chills, and a deep sense that something was really wrong.

It was so weak, I could barely get out of bed. Taking care of our daughter felt impossible.
I called my husband at work and told him I needed him to come home. He promised he would.
An hour passed, then two. He kept texting me, saying he was just finishing up something and would leave soon.
Then he claimed he was stuck in traffic. Then he said he was on his way but had to stop for gas.
At this point, my fever was getting worse and I was struggling to even sit up without feeling dizzy. I told him it was urgent.
He reassured me he was almost there. But something felt off, so I texted one of his co-workers, someone I knew he was close with.
The response I got sent a chill down my spine. Quote, he hasn't left yet.
He's still here. I was furious and terrified.
I immediately called my neighbor, a kind older. She came over right away, helped me get dressed, and drove me to the hospital.
Turns out I had a severe asymptomatic urinary tract infection that had turned into a serious kidney infection. My heart rate was dangerously high.
And the doctors told me that if I'd waited much longer, I could have gone into septic shock. Wow.
Two hours later, while I was lying in that hospital bed, shaking from fever and hooked up to an IV, my husband finally decided to show up. Fuck you.
I didn't even want to look at him. Nope.
He tried to explain, saying he didn't realize it was that bad and that he was just trying to wrap things up at work. But I can't get over the fact that he lied to me over and over while I was at home struggling to stay conscious.
If my neighbor hadn't been there, I don't know what would have happened to me. I feel so betrayed.
If he could ignore me in a life-threatening situation, what does that say about our marriage, about our future, about our daughter's safety if something ever happens again, don't know what to do would you be able to trust your partner after something like this no i would be so betrayed i oh my god i'm i'm betrayed for her i'm pissed this is unacceptable and and to the point too the multiple lies it's not just kind of like, oh, like, I'm stuck in traffic. Like, it's like, oh, now I have to do that.
Like, just all of those lies, too, in a row is not— That makes me think, what else do you lie about just casually all the time? What? Yeah. Like, why would he lie? Why couldn't he be like, hey, babe, I'm tied up at work.
Can you call the neighbor? Can you call your sister? Can you call your friend? Like, if you can't make it there, why lie? Why? Oh, I'm stuck in traffic. Oh, I have to stop and get gas.
Okay, that still shouldn't take you two hours. There is no can't make it there.
At some point, there's nothing more important.

And work is the most ridiculous excuse.

I don't care what you're in you're in the meeting with the ceo to who cares it becomes like all of that's irrelevant irrelevant this is crazy and who's gonna fault you hey, I have to run home and take my wife, right?

Wife in because she's having this crazy, serious health thing. No one.
Who's going to be like, oh, you didn't finish that report yesterday. We lost the client.
Like, dude. even cares like a job is replaceable a person not so much people die from septic shock all the time like it's not that far-fetched and i know like some people could be devil's advocating this and be like well why didn't she call an ambulance well if you live in united states ambulances aren't affordable for most people insurance maybe she doesn't have she doesn't have it.
And when your partner who you trust is telling you that they're about to be there, then why would you call an ambulance? You are supposed to trust them that they're telling the truth. And you have a one-year-old.
Yeah. You have a baby.
Yeah. You're supposed to come home, help me, and so then take care of our baby.
It's not just like, oh, I can get myself in an's like okay well what about this little one like you have a duty to your family yeah and for him to be like well i didn't know it was that bad i'm telling you it's that bad believe me i'm dizzy i can't sit up i i just it always bothers me when people like don't believe people when they're not feeling well like if they're telling you that they're not well believe them like stop being like oh they're dramatic like no believe them that's all i got to say justin i feel like you had something i mean there are certain situations in life and we know the people that are kind of the cry wolf people well that's different if it's very different but i'm just trying to see all sides where someone could like him at his level that he's at right now the low level could make some argument well you always say you feel crappy and you always do this but it's like if this isn't just the ultimate proof that you are just the biggest loser and not capable and not deservant of this person, like I don't know what else there could be. Did you say deservant? Yeah.
Is that a word? I don't know. If it's not, it should be.
It sounds pretty cool. It reminds me of something that would be said in Game of Thrones.
Anyway, sorry. Yeah.
Apparently, it's a word. Wow.
At least according to Wiktionary. We got our little wordy over here.
What does it mean? What do you mean, what does it mean? You just used it. Now I'm feeling like I did it wrong.
Deservant may refer to a song by RJ Merla. Yeah, that's what you meant.
Or a word that means worthy or merito. That's a big word by Elmo.
Meritorious? Like of merit? Yeah, no, I think you nailed it. Look at you.
Yeah, I mean, this is just the worst.

I don't know.

I have no more words for it.

Well, people in the comments sure do.

They have a lot of words.

Top comment?

Yeah, no, I couldn't do this either.

If you had waited for him and had gone into septic shock and probably ultimately died, what would he have done then? That could have 100% been prevented if he just came home when you asked. He gives more loyalty to a job that will just replace him when it's his time over his wife, who he chose to love in sickness and health? Crazy.
Pretty much. Crazy.
We do have some comments from OP because people had questions. People had a lot of questions.
So the first question that OP responds to is this. I'm not sure if this even matters, but was he panicked? Clearly not, right? No.
Definitely not. Did he come in realizing exactly how bad he screwed up?

Was he terrified that something bad could have happened to you because he lied to you?

Or was it just, oh, sorry, I didn't realize.

If it was the second, we'd be done.

If it was the first, definitely going to take a lot of work on his part to show that he is an honest, dependable partner who loves and cares for and will prioritize you and your daughter and definitely counseling. OP responds.
Oof, no chance. no guilt no remorse he just keeps making excuses and minimizing everything

he even told me i should have just gone to the hospital earlier with my neighbor instead of

waiting around for him. But the only reason I waited was because he kept telling me he was on his way.
I also didn't want to leave my baby with my elderly neighbor unless it was absolutely necessary. I would have such a hard time with this one.
Like, I know that they're married with a brand new kid. And so I don't want to like quickly be like divorced.
But I just genuinely knowing myself, like it would be so hard for me to like move past this. And we would have to go to therapy over it.
Like he would need to have like to admit and understand what he did wrong fully before I could even consider moving past it. It's another one that comes down to character.
This doesn't feel like, oh, it's just a mistake. This feels like, no, this is who you are.
It's hard for me to separate those two because this can't be the first time that this lack of caring has shown. There's no way.
And this might be the most extreme, life or death, but it'd be weird if everything was all perfect and he was the best partner and then something happens to you and he's just totally like, whatever, that was cool. Are you stable now? Because I'm going to head back to that.

You are his family too.

Yeah.

There's a couple other comments here I want to get into.

It's just quite strange to me.

Like, OP says, I needed someone to take care of my daughter. That's why I was waiting for him.
And someone was basically implying, like, why didn't you just call an ambulance? Also, I'm in a rural area, and the ambulance takes just as long to arrive as he should have. Yeah.
Also, why are we even, like, shaming her? Maybe it wasn't intended intended that way, but like, I don't know. So someone goes, if you didn't tell him you needed to go to the hospital, you were kind of making a bigger deal than it needs to be.
And I'm not saying you're wrong because I would be extremely pissed off, but your initial symptoms to me would have sounded like you simply just had the flu because that's exactly what I felt like when I had the flu right a week ago. And he might not have been taking it at that seriously.
Now, if you had told him you needed to go to the hospital, that's a completely different situation to begin with. But to him, he's thinking you're probably just sick with a fever and have the flu and he'll be home to take care of you at some point.
No, it's not. You have a one-year-old and if you're extremely sick, your partner needs to step up.
Like there's, even if she was like, I have the flu, like, well, if you have the flu, there's a one-year-old that needs to be taken care of. So come the fuck home.
Sorry. So OP responds to that.
I told him I didn't want to say it because it's embarrassing, but I even ended up wetting myself because I couldn't get up to go the bathroom. He knew that when he was lying, saying he was about to arrive.
Oh my God. You got to be kidding me.
Well, and so also how old is she? She is 28. He's 32.
Okay. Let me tell you something about being 28.
I think you've been around long enough to know the difference between, oh, I'm coming down with the cold or the flu versus no, I've never felt like this before. And this is something serious.
I think we all would be able to determine that even though there's outliers. Yes.
Where it's like like it starts like that and then it gets really crazy but she knew from the start yeah and she made it apparent from the start i need you here when your partner says i need you here you go because there if they think it's not necessary they're not going to have you leave work if it's a big situation like, oh, if I leave work, it's going to whatever. If they know that that's a big deal, they're not going to say, I need you here if it's not serious.
And when your partner needs you, Buck up. You go.
Get there. Well, you guys, we have an update on this one.
Oh, we have an update. Let's hear it.
Posted 10 days ago. I'm feeling better and finally back home after a few days in the hospital.
A few days. Crazy.
My parents came to pick up my daughter and take care of her while I was away. They live four hours away, so I hadn't asked them for help earlier.
I didn't really get an apology from him, just a bunch of excuses. He said he didn't think it was that serious, and I should have gone to the neighbor if it was really that bad.
I didn't argue, not because I agree, but because some of the comments I got made me realize some things. People asked if I'm the type to cry wolf, and that's why he didn't come.
In five years of being together, I've only ever needed him to take me to the hospital once, when I gave birth to our daughter. He wasn't there when I was sick, and if he had come home, he probably wouldn't have done much anyways if it didn't need a hospital.
but then someone asked me what I would do if it was our daughter in my position, and he acted the same way. That hit me hard.
And as dramatic as it sounds, I don't want to be with him anymore. I don't think I can ever trust him again.
I've made an appointment with a lawyer, but of course, divorce takes time. I'm looking for an apartment, but the housing shortage is a nightmare.
Since I live in a rural area, though, there's still hope. I haven't told him yet.
He's acting like nothing's wrong. So I'm doing the same.
I even saw some comments suggesting that he might not have actually been at work, maybe using it as an excuse

for something else. So one night while he was sleeping, I checked his phone.
I didn't find proof he wasn't at work, but I did find messages to women, multiple flirty ones. Oh.
And a Tinder app. Wow.
These messages have been going on for months. He's the worst.
He is the absolute worst. He was also sending TikToks to his friends while I was sick, laughing and joking around with no real concern for me.
He told me his boss refused to give him time off. I found no evidence that he even asked for time off or discussed my condition with anyone.
And what a great job that would be. I'm starting to suspect he lied because if he really did ask, it would have been illegal for his boss to deny him leave where I live.
Yeah. At this point, I don't feel like confronting him.
I just want out. Good.

I ignored the red flags before, the small lies, broken promises, and I shouldn't have.

I thought he'd be there for me when it mattered most, but I guess I was naive.

I never thought anyone could let me down like this.

I'm not telling him I'm leaving until I'm ready, just like he didn't tell me he wasn't coming.

Ooh, a poetic ending. Ooh, I got i got the chills i mean it's totally justified oh yeah absolutely i mean like the way that she just brushes over the fact that he was basic he was cheating like he's he's cheating emotionally cheating at the very least yeah exactly tinder yeah you're married for years.
You have a one-year-old baby and you're on Tinder. To make friends.
That's a bumbled BFF, bitch. Come on.
Oh my gosh. I just.
I'm so happy for her. Me too.
I'm so happy for her. I downloaded it for a friend.
A friend wanted to swipe on my phone. Insane.
That's, I mean people say some stupid shit i mean there's a few other comments from op basically just being like he wouldn't have lost his job we're very protected here honestly i care less about the cheating than the fact he could have let me die and didn't care. And it's over.
This is over.

It's so over.

If I was talking to my partner saying, I'm super sick.

I just peed myself.

I'm dizzy.

I can't move.

I can't get out of bed.

And I found out they were sending their buddies TikToks and laughing while I'm dying.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, my gosh. The rage i feel yeah my boyfriend uh literally his mom went to the hospital and thought it was serious and he was on the other

side of the country and literally got like left work early and got on a flight and went straight

there that's what you do that's what you do like this is family this is your wife like

Thank you. and got on a flight and went straight there.
That's what you do. That's what you do.
Like, this is family.

This is your wife.

Like, insane.

Insane.

But again, happy she's getting out,

and I think that is the best plan of action.

Like, stockpile some money, get your go bag ready,

and go when you are prepared.

Yeah.

Goofy.

But thank you guys for teeing up this episode with me. A little bit of a different episode this week.
We are jumping in to three amazing guest co-hosts. We've got Chris Clemens, Michaela Oakland, and Spencer Hunt coming up.
So enjoy the rest of this episode. I'm so excited that you all are here.
I appreciate you all so much and for being a part of this journey with us. I don't feel like this is real life.
I still am like pinch me like this is so insane. And I'm just remember when you actually did you got the delicate skin of my underarm.
But sorry But I'm just so thankful for each and every one of you. And I hope you love these stories coming up.
Okay. Yeah.
Have a fun rest of the show. On to the next one.
Bye. This episode is sponsored by Tire Rack.
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Okay. Our next magical act, Mikayla Oakland, everyone.
Hi. If you're new here, yeah, there's an occasional air horn or two.
Not saying I'm good, but... I thought good air horn i hope so i hope you've never done sound effects have you no interesting i could see it i could see it i'd love to play an animated animal or at a live show i could see you like having control of like a sound effect thing and really going crazy with it i should get a sound pad that would be maybe now in this new era of two hot takes.
We'll bring in a sound pad. That's the only change.
You do this whole like rebranding thing and it's just you out of the soundtrack. Yeah, that's it.
Oh, and there's video on Spotify now and a sound pad. The sound pad, though, is what we're all here for, right? Michaela, we how long have we been friends now? I think since the pod pretty much started at least.
Yeah, what year was that? At least four years. It's crazy.
I think it was right after COVID lockdown ended. Yeah.
Yeah. Wild.
Time flies. Yeah.
Time flies. You were living in a very different area of LA at that time.
I know. We've come so far.
Yeah. You have a podcast with your friend Ellie.
I do. Plug it.
Plug it. So people, after they hear your takes, they can know where to find you.
It's called Late Night Drive with Ellie and Michaela. And it's on the places.
But of course, we prefer Spotify. Hey.
Oh, it's such a fun fun podcast i love the dynamic you two have and as you guys will see as you get into the show or if you're a regular you know mikaela's a regular and you will be seeing a lot more of her this year even more like more so much more i'll be here in this chair it's gonna be so good i'm really excited to see what you think on these stories. I'm excited to hear them because you've had that like sinister giggle about at least one of them where I like know that you know it's good.
So I'm excited about it. I am really excited.
This one is just, I don't know. I'm like scared to refresh because it's a very contentious.
You will see. Oh, wow.
You're like, you think it'll get removed? Oh, yeah. Okay.
I think OP might remove it. Wow.
So here we go. This is coming from AITAH, six hours old, titled, Am I the asshole for posting my friend's story on Reddit as my own and accidentally ruining her parents' marriage.
Yep. Here we go, guys.
Buckle up. Two months ago, my best friend's, Valerie's boyfriend, Derek, began ghosting her upon meeting her parents.
She was upset about this and came to me for advice. I'm not good at giving people advice and felt bad for not really being able to help her out.
I'd seen many people asking Reddit for advice, and it seemed like the advice was genuinely really helpful. I considered suggesting my friend post it, but she does not use a lot of social media, so I thought it would be a good idea if I made the post as if it was my story and passed on some of the helpful feedback I got.
Here is where I may be the asshole. I made the post, changed the names and some details to stay anonymous, and some of the advice was good.
I told her, and she took some of it. She spoke to her mom, who is a high school teacher, and she discovered that back when Derek, her boyfriend, was in high school when he was 19, they slept together.
Oh my god. Valerie talked to Derek and they mutually broke up.
My friend's mom told her that her father was aware of this and they worked it out. I got a lot of comments begging for updates, So I did since I didn't think there'd be any harm.
A couple of days ago, I woke up to a bunch of missed calls from Valerie. I called her back and she began yelling at me, asking if I had posted her story on the internet.
I initially denied it until she sent me screenshots from my post and other screenshots from my account that proved it was mine I confessed and tried to explain to her why I made the post She was still angry and yelled at me saying that my reasons were lousy and that I only made the post because I wanted attention and was jealous of her I apologized for not asking for permission, but told her I was just trying to help and she shouldn't be so mad. I offered to take the post down, but she shouted, saying it was too late now and hung up the call.
She refused to talk to me, but after talking to mutual friends, I found out that Derek found my Reddit post and assumed it was Valerie's. She had him blocked, so he messaged her mom, asking her to tell Valerie to take down the post and unblock him so they could talk about this.
Valerie's dad saw the text from Derek, and turns out, her mom had lied. Oh my god.
The dad had no idea. He read the story, and after a lot of denying, the mom eventually confessed.
They're getting a divorce. Valerie's dad is really distraught and will be moving in with his brother a couple of states away.
Valerie's mom called her, accusing her of posting the Reddit story and ruining her marriage. After being really confused, Valerie figured out the account was mine after looking through my other posts.
Valerie is telling everyone that I ruined her family and all of my friends think I am an asshole for posting her story, whether I had good intentions or not. I guess I shouldn't have made the post without asking, but I had genuinely good intentions, and I never thought that the post would be found by anyone involved.
Also, I feel like the cheater is the one who ruined their family, not me. So am I the asshole? I mean, it is.
So it is the cheater who ruined the family and also in a creepy, like predatory way. Like that was the mom.
So the mom is a teacher. I'm just going to make sure I get these facts right because there's so many people involved in their two story layers here.
So Valerie's mom was a teacher. And while her mom was a teacher, she had sex with Valerie's boyfriend who was in high school.
Yep. OK, so she's definitely the biggest asshole out of this whole situation.
Absolutely. but I also think airing your friends really personal drama online is a bad thing to do as well yeah like that and to give updates and like sort of just be in like the drama of it of like sharing those personal details like I understand I guess if you're not super online maybe you have a hard time knowing how many people can see things and how viral things can get.
And maybe they've never experienced something going viral, but you're still airing really, really personal business and engaging it in a way that you didn't need to engage in it. And if it were me and I had good intentions originally posting, which I wouldn't do that but like if I started seeing it blow up that's probably another point where I'd be like oh wow like this has a lot of views on it like I should I should take this down yeah instead of posting updates oh well posting updates and then posting this post reiterating everything that happened yeah they didn't learn their lesson at all no yeah like what just I mean you didn't have to give us a full rundown you could have been like hey I'm at the asshole I posted something about my friend's life to try to get advice but it ended up getting out that you know it was out there and family's upset now like I was just trying to be helpful though but like you don't need to re-air everything right right you've once again now told everybody their business.
Well, how does that make any sense? Oh, my God. I mean, the other layer of this story is insane, though.
Like, how is Valerie doing? Dude, because it's like she lost her boyfriend, found out her mom had an affair. Her mom is blaming her and now maybe cutting her off.
Yeah. Dad found out getting divorced.
So your parents are splitting up like this is like earth shattering. Yeah.
Her relationship with her mother. I don't like know how you come back from that.
I don't know if you can. I don't think you can.
I'm looking at this person's Accounts as old as a year So it doesn't seem like this is just an account that was created to make this troll post, right? Right. That's how they could identify that they were the person who made this post because of other posts they'd made Yep, and so looking at the other posts There's one on r slash cat advice seven months old.
My cat is sick. What can to make him happier and more comfortable posting in r slash danny gonzalez umbrella academy subreddits um a lot of cat advice that's pretty identifying like i understand why valerie would be like okay it's pretty clear it's you based on all this other stuff especially when you're sharing details like my cat is around nine years old and he is really fat the vet says he's not at the point where it's you based on all this other stuff.
Especially when you're sharing details like my cat is around nine years old and he is really fat. The vet says he's not at the point where it's detrimental to his health yet, but he keeps gaining weight.
Like, oh my God, my friend kept telling me, oh, my cat is getting really fat and I don't know what to do on top of finding a post on their account. That sounds like my life.
I'd be like, yeah, that's my life. A plus B equals C.
Exactly. Quacks like a duck, walks like a duck.
It's a duck. Looking at the post, though, the original post that she posted asking for advice, two months old, titled my 26 female boyfriend, 36 male, has started acting distant and ghosting me after meeting my parents, 49 male and 50 female, last week.
How do I reach out to him? Wait, okay, so Valerie was still dating this boyfriend and he didn't know that her mom was a teacher who slept with him when he was in high school. Never met the parents yet.
This original story is crazy.

Early relationship.

I mean.

So on another layer is now her relationship with her boyfriend is fucked up.

Yeah.

No, she's losing everybody.

Dropping like flies.

And it's, it's their age gap.

I mean, a 10 year age gap.

Mom and him have a 14 year age gap.

Like boyfriend's age is kind of like in the middle of the two of them a little. Yeah.
So, I don't know. Like, there's always a risk.
Like, if you started dating someone that is your dad's age, he could be friends with your dad. Wait, how old is the boyfriend? 36.
She's 26. Okay.
So, I don't think he could be her dad, but, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's still, like like a large age gap as well. Obviously not nearly as consequential as like the difference between 19 and an adult.
Yeah. Which is so insane.
And also she's dealing with like, my mother is a predator and I can't look at her the same. No.
And even though like mom and maybe Derek is corroborating the story and saying, oh, was 19 in high school yeah you're still a high school student yeah and you're supposed to be my teacher yeah you know what I mean like that relationship yeah inappropriate and that age difference is inappropriate as well so it's like double double whammy inappropriate oh my god but the original post like doesn't mean, the ages could be fake because she said she changed stuff.

But I mean, it's nothing like super crazy.

My boyfriend Derek and I met through mutual friends six months ago and we immediately hit it off.

He's sweet, funny, kind and just a generally good guy.

He's super extroverted and I've never seen him dislike or not click with anyone. I mentioned him to my parents a couple of times, and they said they were excited to meet him.
My parents live a road trip away, so me and Derek had to book a hotel nearby. About two weeks ago, we dropped off all of our stuff in the hotel and arrived at my parents' house.
My parents are the most welcoming people you'll ever meet. They have met some of my past significant others in the past and have always been warm and kind.
Since both my parents and Derek are charismatic and welcoming, I thought that the dinner would go smoothly, but I was wrong. It didn't start off too bad.
My parents and Derek seemed a bit awkward, but I assumed he was just nervous. We sat for dinner and my parents asked us a couple of questions.
How did we meet? How serious is the relationship? Etc. Etc.
I've never seen Derek stutter or hesitate before this dinner. Oh God.
But he did. As soon as I finished eating, we thanked my parents for dinner and said we had to go.
It felt like he was rushing to get out of the house. When we got to the hotel room, he ran to the bathroom and I heard him throw up.
Oh my God. He said he felt sick and he was going to head back home, but he insisted I stayed and enjoyed the rest of the trip without him.
I agreed since I really missed my parents and he seemed to want to be alone. I texted him a couple of times asking how he was doing, if he felt better, but he didn't reply.
After two days passed, I started to get really worried that maybe he was really sick and had to go to the hospital or something. So I cut the trip short and headed back home.
I went to his apartment and saw he was okay. I asked him how he was doing and why he wasn't replying, and he said he felt fine and that I was overreacting.
He told me he still felt sick and he wanted to be alone. I went back home and texted him asking if I did anything wrong and if our relationship was okay Since he was acting so weird and cold a week has gone by since the text message and he has not replied Derek is the last person i'd expect to ghost me I'm torn between wanting to give him space and wanting answers How do I reach out to him without pushing him further away?

When did the revelation about why he was ignoring her, it was at the update to that post? So the top comment on that post? Yeah. Ask your parents.
It sounds like they know each other or something happened that you didn't see or something like that. Oh my God.
I just got chills Reddit was on it

That's crazy I because I don't think I would have I don't know what I would have thought if we'd heard that story first I don't know I guess I would have been like it's kind of weird they're being so awkward especially given his age like if he's around 36 like it's not the first time meeting the parents he's not a high schooler yeah nervous like like do they right i don't but i don't know if i would have been like sounds like they know each other like yeah that's a job like i don't i don't know if i can say i would have guessed that yeah and my head spirals i maybe would have thought there was like a weird interaction that took place when i like wasn't looking or something like something weird was said or something like you you hurt my daughter yeah dead yeah something yeah a dad joke comment that maybe read wrong or maybe there was a comment that was just wrong but yeah that is really interesting next comment down I think OP should tell her parents that she spoke to Derek, but now needs to hear their side of the story.

Clearly they have met previously, and there's a dodgy story to be told.

Getting to the truth might require OP bluffing that she already knows.

These people are geniuses. They should be in Mensa.
What the heck?

Next comment down.

Either he slept with mom before, or they had a threesome. The dad's like, why am I in it? Or he slept with dad.
Yeah. Dude.
That might have been what I thought, actually. Slept with dad? Yeah.
I don't know. He took a cab home.
It a four to five hour drive yeah who the fuck takes a cab he really wanted to get away yeah I mean I will say I took an uber from San Diego to LA once so I get it yeah someone ate my taco bell I was really upset wait you took a cab because someone took your ate your taco bell yeah it was my last straw things weren't going well that night and they ate my taco bell my i think it was a chicken chalupa i was pissed so you're like i can't take on a drive right now nope i'm done well i didn't have a car we road tripped together okay carpooled yeah so i i called an uber i was like i'm i'm out of here yeah i'm done not my chicken chalupa did you throw up though did you throw up i didn't probably not and that is crazy for him to like walk into the hotel no that's so sad i'd be so stressed he's puking a couple times yeah that really that's heartbreaking actually yeah op does you know give that update fake op right yeah hey sorry i didn't reply most of the comments were just saying that Derek was secretly my brother which is horrifying so I wasn't sure how to reply and then they go on and share the update that like I talked to my mom yeah and uh told her Derek's reaction was weird after dinner I asked her for advice or if she knew what happened she was silent for a moment and heard her start crying. She started apologizing and I didn't understand what she was trying to tell me at first.
Eventually, I got her to calm down. She told me what happened.
My mom is a high school teacher and apparently Derek was a student in his senior year and she told me that they had an affair. Oh my god.
She didn't give me many details. Honestly, I don't even want to know.
All she said is that they only slept together once before she shut it down and that my father knew and they had attended couples counseling years ago to work through this.

I wonder, is it possible that the top comments like retroactively got more attention now that people were like, wait, they were right?

They could have.

Yeah, it definitely could have shifted.

But let me just make sure that those comments were from like the same time period, you know? Yeah. Those comments are all two months old.
Wow. So as old as the post before this update six hours ago.
Yeah. Do we know if Derek like threw up because he has like had negative, like violated type feelings about this woman the whole time? if it was just the stress of like oh yeah no mention no mention in the update i see which is probably for the best because that wasn't this person's information to share in the first place like yeah there's not much about derek's side um but in the update which again is not even coming from the person it should be I went to Derek's apartment again and he invited me in he said he had to tell me something but I stopped him and told him that I already talked to my mom and I knew everything he promised me he had no idea up until the point we had come over for dinner where he immediately recognized her.
He apologized

for ghosting me and said he just didn't know what to say and he was scared that he would ruin my relationship with my parents or maybe ruin their marriage. I forgave him, but I told him the whole situation was just too messy for me and we agreed.
So yeah, that's how my past few days have gone down. Honestly, I do kind of miss Derek, but not too much since the whole banging my mom thing is a massive turnoff.
That's a crazy thing for someone who isn't her to be saying. Honestly, I missed him typing like gossip girl.
Honestly, I miss Derek, but he banged my mom. That's not you.
That's not you. That wasn't you.
That didn't happen to you. And this is where I'm like, you are the biggest asshole.
I also think it's one thing to post like the general post for advice.

Maybe you could have left out more details, but then give people an update.

And now you're posting again to ask people, are you the asshole for posting the post and the update?

It's ironic.

It's like, come on.

This was the original problem.

Was you oversharing and now you're doing it again?

I think this person really gets off on. There's like an addiction to this now the attention there's something that this person doesn't get in their life that they're getting from people give me an update i mean when these stories blow up on reddit you'll see ops come out later in updates saying like hey i got hundreds of dms DMs.
I got all these people asking for updates. So for someone that doesn't, you know, get that a lot in their life, it would probably feel really good.
Yeah. For people to like care so much about your stories and like what's going on.
To be so invested. Yeah.
Oh my God. That's so insane, I'm sure there are other stories that you've read that were instances of people kind of submitting on behalf of someone else and like doing something similar to that.
They're usually very clear at the start of the post, though. Yeah, but like people who've gotten away with it, maybe.

But I wonder how often the actual person finds out because like there's like your podcast or there's like like things that go viral on Facebook like they reach like different corners of the like there are Instagram accounts that post this story it's like it reaches all these corners of the internet and I for everything that Valerie was going through like with her parents marriage with her relationship, with her relationship, with her mother, to then be like, and now my friend is also like sharing these private details online. After you found out why Derek ghosted your friend.
Yeah. Don't you think, holy shit.
Yeah. This is so big.
This is so big. That's such an invasion of privacy now for me to post an update absolutely like at so many points that to me just screams like this this person genuinely needs to start talking to someone a therapist and like really evaluate why they felt it was acceptable to do this because like if my friend told me something in confidence which this was this person probably wasn't going to tell everyone why her and Derek broke up obvious yeah like it's embarrassing like that's so embarrassing you don't want people knowing that no it's so personal so I'm like the fact she told you this in such confidence and you violated her trust as a friend and why does that mean more to you like why do all of these people asking you about a story that's not even yours mean more to you? Like, why do all of these people asking you about

a story that's not even yours mean more to you than an actual friend in your real life? I know

who was leaning on you in this moment. I think that the worst moment of her life literally the

worst. And I mean, you know, I am in a way like the dad did deserve to know the truth.
Right.

I wish the mom wouldn't have lied and said, yeah, he knows we went through therapy like

Thank you. You know, I am in a way like the dad did deserve to know the truth.
Right. I wish the mom wouldn't have lied and said, yeah, he knows we went through therapy.
Like because your daughter could have still like as would have still probably brought it up to him and been like, how do you feel about this whole situation? Because the mom couldn't have been like, don't bring it up to your father, though. It would have come up at some point.

I think so.

Even if the dad asked, like, hey, why did you and Derek break up?

Yeah.

Because then it would be like, wait. Well, you know why.

Mom didn't tell you Derek is the same Derek?

And he'd be like, what do you mean?

That's who mom slept with.

Like, it could have so easily came out regardless, but.

I also doubt it was a one-off with the mom sleeping with one student.

Like, come on.

Gross.

You're...

If you literally...

How old was the mom when that happened?

What's the math on that?

At least...

Mom is 50.

Derek is 36.

He was 19 at the time.

So 18 years ago-ish? Okay, 50 minus 18-ish. You're going to find out something real fast, guys.
32? We're not good at math. Yeah.
Which the initial number might have been wrong. It might have not been.
It's 31 through 33, give or take when your birthday is and if you're a pisces or a sagittarius could easily pull out a calculator but you guys know that there's the gist and yeah someone's yelling the number at their phone or screen now regardless like quite an adult yeah i'm 31 on tuesday i i look at high schoolers because my fiance's got step siblings that are in high school and they're driving. They're 16, 17, 18.
They look like babies. Even college students look very young to me.
Isn't that crazy? When I see videos of frat parties now or sorority recruitment and stuff like that. Like that like those are babies I wouldn't date a 22 year old I was on a dating app I started at like 23 and I was like that's even cutting it like I mean I'm 28 that's cutting it close like what five-year age got Michaela how dare you yeah I was like when I see yeah I haven't I haven't dated anyone that much younger than me the only dated people who are older than me no but like so like add in the layer right where this mom was 32 yeah high school kid high school child and you're a teacher you're his teacher don't didn't do you not take an oath i will not sleep with students.
And like to be even turned on in that environment is just like you have something morally bankrupt inside of you. It's just predatory.
You're in a high school environment. Not OK.
Why is that kid who like your their parents are like trusting you? Those children are trusting you like you're in this position. Yeah i don't know i mean i'm glad that she was found out but it wasn't because of this guy's post that she was found out no no and i get the intention of the first one but you should have stopped there yeah you should probably have never gone there but you definitely shouldn't have updated yeah top comment on this new update post that summarizes everything again right and you decided to make yet another reddit post about it insane let's just be clear about something says another user you don't have the fucking right to out people without permission.
You took away their agency. Now you continue to compound the problem by seeking even more attention.
Next comment. You're the asshole.
You betrayed Valerie's trust, lied, and exposed her family's secret. Own it, apologize, and don't expect forgiveness.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
It's tough. Bad news, bears.
If someone went on Reddit about like an innocuous story that was someone else's asking for advice on behalf of their friend, do you think it could ever be okay? Or no, because then you would have the friend's permission if it's okay. You know? Even if it's like not as intimate as this story.
Yeah. Like otherwise you would just talk to your friend about it and be like, I'm going to make a post on Reddit and I'm going to ask their opinions.
And then they would either say that's okay or that's not okay. And a lot of people do that.
Or like I understand if it's a conflict that directly involves you because we'll have that a lot where it's like am i the asshole like for doing this and it's like well yeah or no and then once the person gets a no they'll send the post to the other people involved right but it directly it was them it was their issue they were hurt they were xyz so it's like so different yeah absolutely you're the asshole Yeah, and just because another asshole exists in this scenario doesn't mean you're, like, free of becoming an asshole, too. Crazy.
God, so crazy. Wow, that was a good one, Norgon.
I hope so. Yeah, that was a good one.
I hope you guys like it. Okay, our next one for you.
This is coming from A-I-T-A-H, three hours old. I haven't read it.
Wow. I was looking for a fresh story for us because I was like, I've got a lot of tabs open, but nothing's really exciting me, exciting me.
I think this one's going to be insane. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Point Blank Refusing to Be My Sister's Surrogate Because It Would Ruin My Mommy Makeover? Maybe there's a better forum for this.
I don't know. I, 36 female, have had two kids, eight male and five female, and knew after my daughter was born that I was done.
I had my tubes removed, and then last year I went and had some very expensive surgery to get rid of saggy, scarred skin after years of body changes from pregnancy and breastfeeding and weight loss. I finally feel more confident in how I look again, and I have zero desire to put my body through another pregnancy.
My older sister, 40 female, got married last year, but just recently found out she likely won't be able to carry a pregnancy to term due to her very short cervix. It's obviously devastating for her and her husband, who is a sound guy, and I do feel for them.
But instead of looking into other options, she cornered me in our parents' house on Sunday and asked me to be her surrogate. Not if I'd consider it, but as if it was the natural solution.
Before I could reply, she listed her reasons. Like, that I've already been pregnant twice, so clearly my parts work, and it shouldn't be a big issue for me to do it again.
I tried to be nice about it and said no, that I had my tubes removed for a reason. I don't want to go through pregnancy again.
I don't want to undo everything I've done to feel good in my body again. I just don't want to.
Also, I'm 36 now, which isn't 40, but is quite different to being pregnant in your 20s and early 30s. She did not take it well.
She was upset, saying it wasn't fair that I already got to be a mom and I should want to help her have the same happiness, even if it meant having the surgery redone in the future, and that she would do it for me in a heartbeat. I get that she's having a hard time, but it isn't my fault she has a short cervix, and I don't think she fully understands how difficult the recovery after my surgery was.
She went crying to my parents after I left, and they are involved now too. My mother notably said, quote, you'll get through another pregnancy, but your sister may never get over not being a mom.
She also pointed out that she sacrificed her nice figure to bring us into the world. I saw red at that one and reminded her that she wouldn't even take my kids for a week or so while I was recovering last year because she said she was done playing mommy when Danny left home.
Danny is our younger brother, 28 male, if that's relevant. So she's obviously not that self-sacrificing.
She also said at the time my surgery was pure vanity and a waste of money. My husband is conflict-averse, so was neutral initially, saying it was my decision, but he can see the tensions it's causing.
So even he's saying that maybe we should look into it and see what's involved so we can make an informed decision. And I'm like, there is no we in this.

He says, quote, okay, so then you can make an informed decision. That was a couple of days ago.
And then my sister brought it up again there today. And I was very blunt with her this time.
I told her there was no way in hell I was doing this. And then she called me a selfish bitch.
so red, am I the asshole for refusing to be my sister's surrogate without even looking into it? I'm not even sure what the laws around it are where we live. It's never even crossed my radar before this week.
I think legally I would be listed as the child's mother. Am I the asshole? Why is everyone like dehumanizing her.'re treating her like an object like just a vessel for like giving birth to things an incubator a little bit yeah i know which like is already can be an issue with surrogacy but like in this instance it's really an issue like i why are the parents saying that too and then they're also acting like the only reason she doesn't want to do it is like a vain reason.
When it's like, no, actually it's a thing I have to do to my, like I had surgeries. Like it's not just about my looks, even if it was, it wouldn't matter.
Like it's still my choice. It's my body.
You know? And I, I feel like everyone's kind of treating this as like oh pregnancy is a walk in the park yeah no complications no risk factors yeah no potential for death or losing your teeth or breaking bones like ribs and like just because she's had two good pregnancies successful pregnancies doesn't mean this third one is going to be that yeah Also, there's no mention of like, maybe she had terrible morning sickness or, you know, hyperemesis gravidarum, like where she was throwing up all the time. Like, we have no idea what she actually went through.
And she had her tubes tied. So clearly it wasn't a great experience.
She was done after her daughter. Yeah.
So I just think it's crazy that they're like, almost like, yeah, adding that be like oh you're so vain you're so vain yeah pregnancy is not a walk in the park even if the sister had had a pregnancy herself so that she could say i would do the same for you with like you know an authority on the subject you still can't base other people's actions off of what you would do

for them. And I feel like that can be the cause of a lot of conflicts of like, oh, well, if I were

in this situation, I would act this way. So if they don't do it, that means they're like not as

good of a person as I am, or they don't care about me as much as I care about them. That's just not

how humans work. Like you can't just assume that the same things that you would do is what everyone

else would do. Otherwise, they're not as good of a person as you.
It's beyond strange. We do have a couple of comments from OP, okay? There's one here, which I think the legality of this is really interesting to me.
So OP responds to someone and she was like, I probably should have looked it up earlier, but I just looked it up now. And I think professional surrogacy is illegal here.
It's a bit unclear because there was meant to be a new law, but it hasn't been enacted yet. And I was like, I didn't even think surrogacy would be illegal anywhere, but it is.
It's legal in some countries and states, including Italy, France, Germany, and Nebraska. Wow.
So maybe they're in Nebraska? Yeah. The UK prohibits commercial surrogacy.
Spain bans all forms of surrogacy. Yeah.
I mean, it's tough because surrogacy can be a beautiful thing, but sometimes I see, like, the way the Kardashians are using it, and I'm like seems it can be really really complex and complicated and I know there's some people that will like use their egg they'll give their egg to the person they're being a surrogate for and then use their other partners like sperm and so it's like there's so many different complexities of it but sounds like this it would be the sister's egg, her husband's sperm. But OP also adds this, voluntary surrogacy is legal.
I think it just has to be registered in advance. But no, I've just spent 20 minutes reading about it, and our laws seem very backwards.
So legally, I would be the child's mother and I think my husband would legally be considered the child's father. Even if we used my sister's and her husband's embryo, they would also have to adopt their own biological child, which is mad when you think about it.
Yeah, that's crazy. I'm just shocked that like nobody was on her side.
Like even her husband was kind of like unsupportive about it. I think that concerned me the most.
Yeah, like I would want my partner to be like They're they want you to you don't want to do it. Okay.
End of conversation Right, there's no need to even go further. Like if you don't want to do it Yeah, let's no we're fine.
Yeah, if they simply asked if they simply asked it it's fine to, you know, be like, think about it or whatever. Not the husband, but like.
Yeah. It's just the way they went about it is the worst possible way of going about it.
Like assuming she would do it. Yeah.
I'm bewildered. And the comments.
Do they agree with us? They do. Thank God.
Top comment. Not the asshole.
Your asshole your body your choice no is a simple answer yeah next comment down which i love tell your mom that if it is so easy and simple she can do it your body your choice she is the selfish bitch because she wants what she wants and to hell with anyone who opposes her. Which I have seen some Facebook posts of people's moms being their surrogate.
Oh, wow. So I know you can do it.
Are there greater risks? I would assume so. But and then if she says no, you'd say, well, why do you care so much about like how you look? You're so you're 60 it's also a year of her life like

no wine no sushi no cold meats from the deli no roller coasters no all kinds of things yeah it's very limiting for for people and to not even yeah not even to ask just assume that's. There's a comment here from someone.
A colleague of my sister's was the gestational surrogate for her own grandchild. Grandma can indeed do it, even if she is postmenopausal.
OK, so because it's different because it doesn't need to be your own eggs. So, like, I guess you could be a surrogate for longer than you could give birth to your own child.
That's what I'm gathering here. Wow, I had no idea.
I'm learning a lot. I know.
I know. I really, I don't know.
I'm like, would I? I'd let my sister-in-law. I would actually, I'd let.
It would be a gift if my sister-in-law would be a surrogate for me, but my brother won't let her. She gets cranky when pregnant.
Yeah. But I'm like, I don't know if I'd want my mom to.
I'm like, she's been through enough. She's been through enough.
She's had Bell's palsy. She's had just long COVID stuff.
I'm like, she's off the hook, but I'm like, if grandma's going to talk the talk and say you're selfish, why don't you do it, mom?

They might just have to briefly move somewhere that surrogacy. It sounds like everywhere else in the United States, it's legal.
And like a lot of other places in Europe, it's probably legal as well. Yeah.
And there's people that want to be surrogates. Yeah.
There's agencies for this. There's ways to do it where it feels very ethical and you have the contracts, you have the legal support.
No one's getting screwed. No baby's getting stolen.
Like there's a right way to do this and it's not forcing your sister to. No.
So yeah, not the asshole. God.
We do have an update on this one. Wow.
What is it? A little bit of an edit. Edit.
I'm reading the comments, but I can't keep up with them all. The general consensus seems to be that I'm not the asshole.
So thank you for that. I was beginning to feel like I was in the Twilight Zone or something.
To the people who mentioned Kurglage, I don't know if that's an option for her her But I'll suggest she talk to her doctor about it Or she gets a second opinion

I might let it all cool down for a while first

I've looked into the laws around surrogacy here since posting

And paid surrogacy is definitely illegal here

Voluntary surrogacy is allowed

But the birth mother is listed as the mother

And if she's married

Her husband is listed as the father

Even if it's not their embryo

Wow

So if my sister goes down the surrogate route, she would have to adopt her own biological child. And until then, the surrogate is the legal mother with all a mother's rights and responsibilities, which seems mad, but all the more reason not to do it as far as I'm concerned.
That's insane. Yeah.
On your birth certificate, your aunt would be your mom. I still can't get over that.
But. Wow.
What a crazy story. Yeah.
I don't think I would be a surrogate for anybody, even if I like loved them a lot. I love people a lot, but I don't want to do that.
And I think that that's a fair choice to be able to make for yourself. So fair.
So fair. There's so many people out there that never want to be pregnant.
Like I'm in the boat of like, I do want kids, but like, I am really scared to be pregnant. It's not something I've like dreamed about.
And I don't have this. I don't know.
And it's weird because like when you tell people that people always say, oh, no, it's so different when you become pregnant. Like you'll never know what love is like until you're pregnant.
And it's just like, I don't know. I think I got a firm concept on love.
And it's it's a risk. It's scary.
Yeah. People being able to like be a little 3D printer and make another like I know it's biology the science it's whatever but it is really it's magical it is insane insane michaela thank you so so much for joining me of course i those were so good i hope so we're gonna have to like make sure everyone gets a chance to tell us the favorite story on this uh special theme.
Still, I know we were just talking. I was like, I don't know what to call it yet.
It's like a smorgasbord of stories and people. That's a good smorgasbord of stories.
Smorgasbord. Smorgasbord of stories.
Yeah. Maybe there's something in there.
You're going to come up with something amazing. I hope so.
And all of you know that because you're seeing it right now in front of your faces. It's going to be good.
But where can people find you? I'm Mikayla, Mikayla Oakland on Instagram, and I have a podcast called Late Night Drive. Amazing.
All of Mikayla's links will be in the description. Be sure to check her out.
On to our next guest. Here we go.
Hi. Hi.
Hi. How are you doing? I'm good.
Are you ready to be back today? I am. I've been waiting.
Let's go! I've been having my moment. I feel like I have a lot of opinions I'd like to share.
Oh, I'm ready for them all. I literally, every time I see that you, like, upload a YouTube video that I'm in, I immediately run to the comment section and I'm like, are people agreeing with me? And nine out of 10 times people are.
So nine out of 10 is great odds. Yeah.
I think I'm, I think I'm doing pretty like fair in the two hot takes game. Okay, friends.
There we go. These next couple of stories, I'll be joined by Spensois.
Hi. Spencer Hunt.
Hi, everyone. Spencer, you have just, i feel like you're just a magical person you started in starbucks and doing tiktoks that way yeah you're now getting your big

break in the hollywood lights going in movies tv shows if anyone's casting yes please hi my name

is spencer hunt i um have a plethora of characters i can provide i um do you want to do one quick

Thank you. please hi my name is spencer hunt i um have a plethora of characters i can provide i um do you want to do one quick i'm so curious i'm just talking out of my ass like

i was like wait i um the meisner method acting method um again throwing out random names um

you're on it you're just the moral of the story is spencer is on it always always on it and i have

I'm going to go on it For these next couple stories I think I will be too This first one is coming from Am I the Asshole Only a day old Oh are there any like comments under it There's a couple Got it got it The title, Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Let My Girlfriend Bring Her Dead Dog's Ashes on Vacation? Hmm. On mobile, sorry for any formatting errors.
My girlfriend, 29 female, and I, 28 male, have been together for four months. She had a dog that died a few months before we met.
I've only ever spent the night at her place. I live with my sister and her two kids, so it's a little chaotic at my place.
Girlfriend has a small two to three inch tall urn on her bedside table with the dog's ashes. Before she turns off her lamp to go to sleep, she always gives it a little tap at the top and says good night as though she is talking to the dog.
I think it's weird, but I've never said anything. We were supposed to go away for the weekend.
On Friday, I was watching her pack and noticed she took the urn and put it in the top pocket of her backpack. I asked what she was doing.
She said she didn't want to, quote, leave the dog behind. I told her she was not allowed to bring the urn as it made me very uncomfortable.
I didn't want to see it anytime we returned to our hotel room. I didn't want her talking to her dead dog after we've had sex, i.e.
before we go to sleep. It's weird.
And frankly, she's been mourning for this dog too long. She didn't argue.
She simply started to unpack her bag. She told me to have fun on the weekend getaway as she would not be coming.
I asked if she was seriously choosing a dog's ashes over me. She said she was choosing herself over me as I could have spoken to her with kindness and empathy but didn't.
She also said that I didn't get to dictate how long she's allowed to grieve. Then she asked me to leave.
She hasn't replied to my text. I think she's overreacting.
My sister said she can see both of our sides. Am I an asshole for thinking my girlfriend is weird for being so attached to her dead dog's ashes? I think so attached would be like if I were to carry around the urn to the store, to the bank and bring it everywhere with me.
I don't see a problem with the way people mourn over it. Has he ever had an animal before? Like, I don't think, because it takes a while, especially if that's like her first dog on her own.
And also, who the hell are you? Why are you telling her whether or not she can bring the urn? First of all. Second of all, it doesn't really affect you whatsoever.
Like, who the hell cares if she's saying goodnight to an urn before she goes to sleep? Like, how is that affecting you in any way, shape, or form? It kind of, to me, sounds like you're nitpicking and you're finding a problem for something that really is not a problem at all. So, yeah, I do think you're the asshole.
It just feels very controlling. Yeah.
And I get it's kind of goofy, right? Like maybe if they're flying, like if they have a seven hour flight and, you know, you're going through customs or like things like that, then it might be a little interesting because I know there's there's certain rules to even have ashes in an urn on airplanes. Yeah.
So that might be a little more difficult, but it sounded like they were driving in a car and it was just for a little weekend if i were her i'd be scared that like if i left it in the hotel something's gonna happen to it but she doesn't care she's willing to take that risk and for him to be like judging her it's like she's been doing it at home for the past four months you've been dating her and all of a sudden a weekend away is where your foot goes down. Like where you draw the line.
That like what's the difference? I also. She's doing it.
Kudos to her too for being for saying or like I guess the way she framed it when she said I'm not going because I'm choosing me over you treating me this way. So smart.
Because that is like that's so I think he's upset that she set a boundary that's what it sounds like to me she set a boundary she said hey like you are not to tell me how I'm supposed to mourn everybody mourns differently maybe have a little empathy like that's how I feel like I it it would it is not hard to understand where she's coming from when you look at it from an empathetic standpoint. And I feel like her saying hey the way you even approach this saying that it's weird and it makes you uncomfortable like that's fine.
If it makes you uncomfortable but don't call me weird for it one and two maybe approach it differently. Like you're seeing I packing my bag you're seeing that I already put it in there like who why instead of judging me maybe try to level with me because it seems like he didn't really try to level with her in any way and say like hey do you think this on the third or is there any compromise we can make he literally was like no don't bring it I think it's also it's clearly a source of comfort for her.
And I think there's compromises to be made if this is like a big issue for you. Like for me, when my cousin passed away, my aunt gave me some of his ashes in like a necklace.
something like that could be really really meaningful for her and I think there's different like little things or like I know some people have like put their dog's ashes into a ring

and then you like pour resin over it so it's like really meaningful for her and i think there's different like little things or like i know some

people have like put their dog's ashes into a ring and then you like pour resin over it so it's like a like a thing i don't know i just saw tiktok on this so i'm like there's other beautiful ways but like she doesn't have that yet you're not offering that compromise you're literally just judging her and it's like okay we do judge our partners here and there like sometimes they give us the whatever but to feel judged so harshly so early on and then like you said like it was about the empathy like she stood her ground and was like i'm not going to be talked to this way i just think he approached this really wrong even if you know maybe this is a little unusual but the approach here is he's an asshole for the approach yeah i think if i were to approach it in any way i'd probably be like do you think it would be feasible for me to get you like even a small vial yeah like even if you got a little vial sprinkled some of your dog's ashes in there even i know people you can get like a vial necklace Yeah. And just like he's like hey i know the trip is coming this weekend i understand that you love your dog and i'm again so sorry for your loss however do you think it would be more feasible on this trip instead of taking the entire urn if you put it in this necklace i got you that way it comes across as like hey i'm giving you a gift and it's like a compromise versus a whole like in your face.
Don't do like don't bring it. I'm uncomfortable.
Yeah, I think that's what it needs to be. We have a lot of comments from people on Reddit and OP responding to people.
So there's one comment here. It did get downvoted 612 times.
But someone says, you aren't the asshole. And I think it's really fucking weird to travel with ashes.
Dodged a bullet, in my opinion. You could have used nicer words, though.
I think that person's a fucking asshole. Opie responds, I don't think I dodged a bullet.
She is a wonderful woman. I just didn't want to have a reminder of a dead dog while we were supposed to have a fun and relaxing time.
Okay. Yep.
I think his, see, like the way he responded there was reasonable. At least he's not throwing her under the bus, but he's also like kind of, I don't know, he gets downvoted a bunch for these comments, but he's, he's kind of like trying to provide context to make what he said and did more valid, but it's not working.
It doesn't stick. Yeah.
So he's talking about the dog and like context of the dog. She only had the dog for a few years.
This wasn't a family pet. She rescued the dog and it died a few years later.
She had only known the dog for a few years. I think it was eight or nine when it died.
It was diagnosed with cancer and died a couple of weeks later. What is wrong with you, sir? Is that supposed to make this fucking better? Better at all? You just said she had...
Imagine you take care of a dog that you rescued for years you take care of this dog take it on as your own pets are like family like if anything were to ever happen to my cats please i'm not joking put me down like i can't imagine like cats gone take me out good thing cats live a little longer than dogs they can live live like 20, 30 years. I actually recently found.
Well, I don't know if it's true because I I'd have to see if it's fake or not. But I did see online that someone said that a doctor like created this like vaccine for cats to help them live longer.
And I was like, hmm. I've been seeing something about that.
But oldest cat ever recorded was named Cream Puff, lived to be 38 years and three days

old.

See, here's my thing.

How many surgeries did Cream Puff have to have?

Honestly, Cream Puff's looking pretty good.

He's looking pretty good.

I think this is Flossie, the world's oldest cat right now.

27.

Looks real chipper. He looks really good.
Real chipper, young, healthy. Yeah.
But what I was going to say, with all of his comments and kind of him implying like, oh, she rescued it, only had it for a few years. He's kind of like implying, and maybe this is just my read on it, but it feels like he's being like, oh, well, if you adopt a dog that's older, you don't have the same connection because you didn't have it as a puppy.

Yeah.

And it's like you still are pouring your heart and soul into this animal. And I would say adopting older animals can be even harder because they're set in their ways.
They might need more care. Especially if you're a rescue animal.
Yeah. I feel like when you have a rescue, depending on when you get that rescue animal like for example i have a where i had a cat named cedar um he passed away this past year in new jersey but when we first got him was the most violent cat i think i had ever encountered in my life you would walk past him he would hiss at you.
I remember one day I came home from school and I put my book bag down. And I guess when I put it down, the sound scared him and he jumped and clawed into my back.
And I screamed and twisted my back. Like I twisted and turned and he flew into our like the blinds in the window.
But here my God. But here's the thing.
He immediately came up to me and started purring against my leg. He realized.
I think that's when he realized like, oh, like, first of all, this is your domain. Second of all, I hurt you.
And I think when it comes to especially like rescue animals, depending on the environment they grew up in, if they were abused or if they were neglected, it takes a really – it's like you're putting in 10 times more effort to build a connection. And once that connection is there, I feel like it's really strong, as strong as it would be if you had a puppy or had that dog since it was a puppy.
So trying to downplay her connection with the dog by saying, oh, she got it as a rescue.

It was older anyways.

Like, I'm sorry, sir.

That doesn't matter.

Like, you actually sound even more like an asshole to me.

I would agree with that.

Couple more comments from OP.

She already has a custom made ring where the stone was mixed with a bit of ashes, but she doesn't really wear it. And I'm curious about that.
Maybe she didn't end up liking it. But if she likes, like, the actual ashes in the little urn, like, maybe putting some of the ashes into a vial.
Like, something. Like, literally a mini urn necklace.
Yeah, I was. And, like, something because I'm thinking when I think about it, at least also like I don't know if they do this with dogs, too.
But if she's really sentimental, she could also my mom. Thank you, mom.
Love you. Got me cedar when cats die.
They do like a clay paw print. So I have his paw print in my apartment in my living room and that's like my little like oh cedar yeah um and i think even like it's going around like maybe even that route if she has that um but again maybe she doesn't like it because like the resin is covering the ashes and i would say like maybe she feels more connected because the urn straight up ashes.
And then there's not like resin poured all over it. So maybe having like a tiny vial around her neck, that would feel more comfortable.
I think so. I'd get down to like the context and like why she doesn't wear the ring or like the ring or whatever.
Right. OP is fighting for their life in the comments.
Yeah, his life. Top comment on this one.
didn't argue she simply started to unpack her bag she told me to have fun on the weekend get away she would not be coming i asked if she was seriously choosing a dog's ashes over me they're quoting what op said and they go your girlfriend well ex-girlfriend likely sounds amazing right i wish she was my friend because she sounds like an awesome person to know. Sounds like you lost that privilege by being an asshole.
You're the asshole. Everything she said was 1000% correct.
I don't even have anything to add because she spoke for herself so clearly. The fact that you still don't get it shows you have a fundamental problem actually hearing her.
Read and reread what she said until you get it. We have some edits from OP.
Edit number one. The hotel was non-refundable and only a three-hour drive, so I went on the trip without her.
Did she pay for half of that? Edit number two. She started seeing a psychologist around the same time we started dating.
She hasn't told me any specifics, but she said the're just airing her out. Also like a couple months.
Okay. What if this dog literally saved her from like a really traumatic experience, bad home life partner, whatever, like insert X by Z, like that was her best friend.
And it wasn't like this dog was like 16 and you knew it was coming. It was eight or nine and had been diagnosed with cancer and then dropped dead a couple weeks later.

Like, this is shocking.

This isn't something she got to prepare for.

Right.

It was cut short.

Mm-hmm.

Update.

God.

This man needs to learn how to stop talking and to just listen.

And I'm sure this will make a lot of you happy.

Got it.

I get it. I'm an asshole.
Yay! Thank you. You did so good.
You did so good. I texted my girlfriend to say I'm sorry for how I spoke to her and for dismissing her feelings.
It was wrong. I also said I would like to apologize in person and offer to bring her over her favorite takeout.
She said, quote, all good. Don't worry about an in-person apology.
I gathered the things you've left at my house. Let me know when you'd like to come pick them up.
I'm hoping she will still hear me out when I go to her place. Good for her.
A queen. I love it.
She set her boundary very clearly. And you know what? And I think that that's something everybody can learn from.
Like you need to set up boundaries. And when people break them, you really need to put your foot down.
And the fact, again, I think what really like hammered that nail into the coffin. She knows he went like she knows he went on this trip without her for sure.
was the line in the sand yeah like you so not only did you insult me by saying that me having my dog's ashes and being attached to those ashes is weird but then you went on the trip also it took you going on a trip and going on a reddit thread to figure out what you did was wrong that's also like i'm glad I do know you're the trip. Also, it took you going on a trip and going on a Reddit thread to figure out what you did was wrong.
That's also like, I'm glad, you know, you're the asshole. But also, it should not take you.
It should not take you going on a Reddit thread and then going on a trip and then coming back. It should have not taken you that long to realize what you did was not OK.
If someone went on a trip without me, that's like the ultimate like, fuck you. Especially if I paid for half or, you know, I was the one that planned and was super excited.
Like, I think. Especially when she started unpacking.
Yeah. Like you're mid packing for this trip.
Yep. And I know like some people would be like, oh, well, maybe she was unpacking was unpacking to test him and you know that could be looked at as emotional manipulation or whatever and it's like no like i think this is someone that just realized her worth and this was a boundary for her and they weren't flying they were driving a couple hours it shouldn't have been a big deal nope it shouldn't have been a big deal and the fact he was like i don't want to look at the urn after we have sex like that's what you're concerned about looking at first of all why why would you look at an urn at first of all i don't know put a tissue over it if you don't want to look at it one no offense don't look at it two it's not like you're looking at a dead dog corpse after how it's an urn grow up like literally grow up it is an urn look at it and be like oh a cute vase like it can you can literally reframe it in your mind to be like oh that's a really cute hotel decor and not an urn full of ashes that's on you yeah i also think the wording he used here, I told her she was not allowed

to bring the urn. Yeah, that's...

As a grown adult,

very few, very, very, very few

people are going to tell me what I can and can't do.

And if they're telling me I can't

do something for my own safety, yeah, I'll consider

it. But this circumstance is not

that. Like, she's

an adult. Especially after calling it weird.

Crazy. But, you know, there are people out there that say not the asshole.
I mean, people were calling her unhinged, mentally unstable. Were these all, like, no offense, were they men? We have no insight into their accounts.
Can I be really honest with you? They're probably straight men. And that's just, I mean.
In my opinion. Or pick me's.
And that could be it. Like they're just kind of not in tune with their, I don't know, sensitive side.
Because I look at this as just like have empathy for someone else. Would I do it? No.
Is it okay that she does it? If it makes her happy, sure. Like I am so in the boat of like everyone's got to live their life life is hard enough as it is why do we need to make it any harder on each other let people live moving along i'm that's the first one babe i can't i know i'm just gonna peek at his most recent comments just to see if uh he did get his stuff and that she still broke up with him.
There's a comment from a minute ago. Oh.
Just still fighting for his life. He goes, maybe she just needs some time to calm down.
Who the hell said that? OP. He's just still not getting it.
After reflecting, I see there was no nuance. I belittled her grief and told her I think her coping habits are weird.
This is a good lesson for him to learn. But yeah.
A lesson he hopefully will learn from. I think it's done.
Yeah, period. Good for you, girl.
Good for you. This next one.
Very peculiar. Okay.
Very peculiar. It is coming from Am I the Asshole, titled, Am I the Asshole for refusing a donut that my boyfriend licked? Oh.
Okay. My boyfriend and I are having a small staycation at a hotel for his birthday.
We got some Chinese food delivered and I ordered the donuts. Basically deep fried biscuit dough rolled in white sugar.
When the food arrived I joked about inhaling the donuts so he made a whole show of stealing one from me and licking off all of the sugar. I'm laughing up a storm when he hands it back to me and then I get confused.
He said he didn't actually want to eat it, so he was giving it back to me to eat later. I laughed and said, ew, no way.
I'm eating the new ones. This made him quiet.
We spent a couple of minutes eating in silence before I spoke up and tried to clarify that I would just prefer to eat a new donut with sugar and that it isn't sticky with his saliva. He said that we have swapped all kinds of saliva and it hurts that I'm acting as if he is too disgusting to share food with.
That's not... Okay, keep going.
I took the donut and put it back in the box, but it's pretty much too late. The night has most likely been ruined and he's still quiet hours later and nothing I'm saying or doing is helping lift his mood.
Am I the asshole for not taking back the donut? No, but your boyfriend's a bitch. Your boyfriend's a little bitch.
That's what I will say. That's what your boyfriend sounds like.
I'm sorry. He licked your donut.
It's covered in sugar.

After you lick a donut covered in sugar, it's going to be sticky.

He licked the entire thing, handed it to you.

It's not like he went like, it's not like he did like a little dab on his tongue.

He licked all the sugar off the donut and then handed it back to you and said, here you go.

Bitch, I'd say no too.

I think he's, I think that's nasty.

And yeah, I'm making out your swapping saliva, but I'm not about like, I'm not about to eat something that you just tore up with your tongue weirdo weirdo tore up with your tongue that's literally that made me mad he's a little bitch and the fact that he's like being all quiet and not talking to you and oh like i can't believe you wouldn't eat a donut that i just literally licked with my entire nasty tongue. Tell him to go fuck himself.
I just wonder, like, what did he want from this? Was his pouting and this, you know, what feels to me like a manipulative reaction? Because this is not something that needed to ruin the night. It's also not something that had to happen.
Like, you chose, just like he chose to lick the entire donut that you were about to consume, you chose not to eat it. I don't see anything wrong with that.
No, and it's, I get it. It was funny in the moment, super cute.
He did it for the plot, whatever. But it's okay if no one eats it.
It's one little donut. Am I annoyed that he's not going to eat it? Yeah, because it's a donut and it sounds amazing.
But it's like, you can't expect to like spit all over something or like, you know, like when you're having a drink and you can just see the backwash floating around. And it's like, here, here's the last sip for you.
And it's like, gee, thanks. I wanted to gulp down your spit.
Yeah. I also had this image of like they did it in, I think, the movie The Sandlot.
And I'm so sorry. This might gross some of you out.
But, you know know when you like as a kid would get pinned down and someone would like drop spit over you and then suck it back up? That is like what this feels like to me. It's just like I don't want to just eat your saliva.
Making out is so different. But like to eat your saliva.
The only thing you should be licking and eating is this cooter mama. The only thing you should be licking and eating is this box.
The only thing you should be licking and eating is this tight little poon poon I got down here. So sorry, I don't want to eat your nasty donut.
The only donut you need to be eating is the donut I got down here, babe. And you know what I'm talking about.
You know what I'm talking about. You can eat that donut.
Yeah, I have no problem with you licking up that box, that box of donuts, that nice, clean, tight box of donuts. Anything else? You're going to hand me an actual donut that you just licked up, slathered all over.
Please get a grip. No.
And it's one thing to have this all happen, lick the donut, whatever. It's the reaction I have a big problem with.
And it's giving a lot of red flags. Like I think there's a bit more to unpack there.
Yeah, babe. I think you're again, dating a bitch.
Sorry. Top comment on this one.
Okay. Your title said he licked it, which I thought would be okay.
Then your explanation is that he licked all of the sugar off it. That is totally not the same thing.
Ew. I'm not eating that.
Same. The best donuts are fresh and covered in cinnamon sugar.
And after it's been in someone's mouth that much, it's no longer fresh. It's not about the saliva.
It's about the donut. Next comment down.
Come on. It's about the spit too.
I love my partner and kissing is totally different, but I'm not drinking a shot of his spit for fun. Same goes for other bodily fluids.
Context matters. That right there.
That right there. Context matters.
Thank you. Not the asshole, says the next one.
I wouldn't want to eat it either. It doesn't matter how much saliva you've already shared.
To me, it's like he's expecting you to eat something he's already eaten. It's weird to me this made him upset to the point he ruined the evening.
Yeah. By the way, you did not ruin anything, ma'am.
He ruined it. Like, he really ruined the evening.
He, again, is a little bitch. Yeah.
I think there's another really long comment here that's like, it's honestly like six paragraphs, so I'm not going to read the full thing. But essentially, like, this person is just being like, you didn't ruin anything.
He deliberately spoiled something that you'd literally just told him you were looking forward to enjoying. Rude and unhygienic.
And then they have points, like one through five. one, ruined the donut itself.
Two, wasted a food item that, again, you specifically told him you were looking forward to. Three, tried to confuse you with ridiculous false equivalents about bodily fluids in other contexts.
Four, pouted disproportionately with a level of exaggeration that screams bad faith and manipulation and has the desired result of you second guessing your correct and normal reaction which again that just like glaring red flags testing boundaries emotional manipulation trying to like almost i don't know if it's gaslighting but like purposefully make you feel bad and doubt yourself and your gut it's just bad it No, it's giving like he's gaslighting you.

Yeah, he's making you feel bad for something that's normal.

Yeah.

And five, kept up the act for long enough

to ruin his own damn birthday celebration.

It was his birthday?

Oh, I didn't really give a shit about that.

But like, it could have just blown over.

It was really never that deep.

Again, this is why I'm telling you, girl, you're dating a little bitch. This is not about the donut.
No. It's not about the donut.
I think this really is about more a sense of control or just something else. And even like how he reacted.
Something else is at play here. But we have no comments from OP on this.
Very active Reddit account, still posting after this has been posted. So maybe we'll get an update eventually, but definitely giving real.
I mean, OP was posting in r slash baking, looking for recipes that take up a lot of active time, feeling really low. And I usually like to bake for myself to keep myself busy but I'm in need of ideas so very real account and I'm hoping we'll get an update eventually.
Babe I think you unlike the last the last M&A asshole we I think you dodged a bullet. I think you 100% dodged a bullet.
I think so. I hope that, I don't think they broke up though.
Who? I don't think they're breaking up. I think there's more info needed.
Girl, stand up. I don't.
Get your belly off the floor and stand up now. I really hope we get an update.
I really hope you guys break up. Why are you dating a bitch? Sorry, I can't get over it.
Take a shot every time Spencer says bitch. Take a shot every time Spencer calls his random man bitch.
You're drunk. Don't do that at home.
Yeah, you'd actually get probably obliterated. I just start saying bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.
Everyone's throwing back shots now, huh? Oh my gosh. Well, thank you so much for coming on helping me introduce the world hopefully to two hot takes guys you are gonna love two hot takes because i love two hot takes and if i love it you gotta love it because i'm objectively actually yeah i'm objectively correct yeah you i feel like you've got a good pulse on the beat.
Yeah, I do. I really do.
I have a really good pulse. What's that saying? You got your ears to the ground.
You're with it. Is it pulse on the beat? You got a good pulse on the beat? I have no idea.
I'm with the shits. Okay.
Okay. I'm with the shits.
And yeah.

Where can people find you?

Oh, find me, Spensois.

That's S-P-E-N-C-E-W-U-A-H.

Everywhere.

Everywhere.

Except Snapchat.

Snapchat, there's an M, but there's like an M in the middle.

It's Spensois.

But you shouldn't have a problem finding me there because I'm verified.

Yeah.

And Spencer will be tagged in everything in this show's description, Instagram, socials, everything. So be sure to go check out his stuff.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Thank you.
Thank you. Our next magical guest.
Chris Clemens, everyone. Hello, everybody.
I'm very tense now that we've started. and also you guys are getting the very first look at my new set oh oh i mean it's like a very cropped in version but like still we got to keep some mystery alive guys oh my gosh chris you have been you've been through it with me i I think the first time we met, I really, I baptized you by fire.
I gave you the coconut story. Bitch, you baptized me in acid.
What do you mean fire? I mean, I mean, that was, I still, like, I don't remember this morning, but I remember that. Well, I might have a couple today that maybe top that in a different way.
Girl, what the fuck? I don't know. I don't know.
I'm usually the one doing the topping, so I'm not into this. Oh, this is going to be so good.
I'm just so excited to have you again. It's going to be so fun.
That's so good. I mean, Chris, I don't think it's going to so good i'm i'm just so excited to have you again so fun that's so good i mean chris i don't think it's gonna be as bad as what i gave you when you came on tour with us for live shows see i blacked all of that out like that was like that's recorded somewhere maybe and if not great but i had a great time don't remember it and i think i don't know i always have I'm with you.
Like you could ask me like, Chris, do you want to go take the Statue of Liberty for ransom? And I'd be like, sure, girl. I have no idea how we're going to do that considering I barely could set up my podcast studio.
But I'm down. Okay.
You're down for anything. Down for anything with you.
Let's see how you feel about this next one. Okay, this is coming.
This is coming from r slash relationship advice, 10 days old. It is titled, I think that my 25 male wife, 23 female, thinks that I murdered her ex.
Curiosity peaked, bitch. Let's do this.
About a month ago, while out shopping,

my wife and I ran into her high school boyfriend and his mom on the street. It was a slightly

awkward encounter. His mom made a comment about how good they looked standing next to each other,

quote, like it was meant to be. We said we were in a bit of a hurry.
As we were walking away,

he said something along the lines of, quote, hey, we should grab coffee sometime. All in front of her husband is crazy.
That is so crazy. I didn't think too much of it at the moment.
Sure, his mom was awkward, but they'd been broken up for about seven years, and I do think he meant it to just

be friendly. But still, we had a quick check-in after where we both agreed it was awkward and that I wasn't too upset, and that I wouldn't even necessarily mind them meeting for coffee, provided that it became clear if he still had feelings or was making advances that she would cut him out.
She wasn't even sure she wanted to take him up on it, so it was all purely hypothetical. That evening, I met up with some friends for drinks and was home by 1 a.m.
That next morning, my wife got a message from her friend that her ex had died that night. Girl, you picked that night to come home at 1am?

Oh my god, you did it, bitch. You did it.
I think you did it. We got a few more details over the next couple of days, but it seemed he suffered from epilepsy and that night in a freak accident had a seizure, fell, and hit his head.
What does AF-A-I-K mean?

A-F-I-A-K? freak accident, had a seizure, fell, and hit his head. What does AFIAK mean? AFIAK? As fuck as it sounds.
I don't know. Oh my god.
Okay, so he had a seizure. Yeah.
Oh, so. Okay, I'll keep listening.
I always do this where I'm like, so then why does the wife think he did it? As far as I know, there's no foul play suspected or criminal investigation or anything like that. Oh, is that what it stands for? As far as I know? Yeah.
Oh my God. That's the most exciting part of the story so far.
I'm like, I learned a new acronym. In the weeks since, she started acting really strange.
She hasn't been abnormally sad that he died, but more like cautious and fearful around me. She hasn't made any kind of direct accusation, but had been asking me a lot of questions where I went drinking with my friends, who I was with, what time each person arrived and left, etc.
She's lately mentioned that she wanted to spend some time with a friend to catch up for about a week. I don't know how to address this.
It feels crazy to have to ask her whether she thinks I murdered him or to have to tell her that I didn't. I'm even afraid to bring it up and whether that would just feed into whatever she seems to be going through.
Any thoughts on how to deal with this? For the record, I didn't murder her ex. I mean, I think that's where you're like, hey, babe, you've been fucking weird this week since that happened.

Do you think I killed him?

Because that's the vibe I'm starting to catch.

I mean, can you imagine?

You love someone, you trust them enough to marry them.

And then like crazy, you know, tragedy happens but you you think your partner did it what like why if you love some why would you think that your partner would kill your high school boyfriend over saying like we should get coffee i mean i feel like if that's how like insane your partner is that you think they're capable of that, there would have been other signs that would make you feel like, hey, red flag. Yeah, you would think.
Like if he's killed a frog and then played around with it, like Jeffrey Dahmer style, I would be like, okay, yeah, I don't think he's off the suspect list. But like, if he's just been kicking it this whole time, and like he was talking like, yeah, I mean, I don't care if you go and get coffee.
Like, no, I don't think you fucking I think you just say like, hey, girl, what's going on? He seemed like very chill about their encounter. Even with how weird it was.
I mean, the mom being like, you two look like you're meant to be. You look so great.
No, the mom toddler and tearing them is like crazy. I would have been like, okay, let me just see myself out.
Okay, I'll go fuck myself. Thanks.
My question, is she acting weird because she saw him again? And now that he's dead, she's realizing that maybe she had feelings for him. Listen, the brain is on today.
Inspector Chris is in the office. He needs to talk to her.
I mean, come on. Every guy in these Reddit things are like, I don't know, like, should I talk to her? And I'm like, hey, men, this is what we've been saying pretty much the whole fucking time.
Communicate. Communicate.
You feel like what the fuck? Communicate. Which is what the top comment says.
You don't need to ask her that. You need to ask her why her demeanor towards you has changed.
All caps, COMMUNICATE.

God, men are so fucking stupid.

Next comment down. COMMUNICATE and then update us on how it went because I am invested.

Yeah, I'm hoping that there's an update.

Well, we have a little bit of an edit.

No idea what it says, but let's see.

Edit, thanks for the feedback.

Just wanted to throw a quick update.

I am going to ask her when I get home from work.

I always knew it needed to be a conversation.

Just needed to hype myself up to actually do it and figure out how I wanted to approach it.

We'll let you know how it goes.

There's an update. just needed to hype myself up to actually do it and figure out how I wanted to approach it.

We'll let you know how it goes.

There's an update, right?

That was 10 days ago.

Oh my God.

What if the girl killed him?

Maybe she...

Oh my God.

Wait, no.

Okay, sorry.

I'm getting very ahead of myself.

I'm like creating like the next big Paramount picture.

There is no official update on the account. What a blue ball.
What the fuck? Nothing. Um, just a couple

comments about like how they got together. We got together in university four years ago and our

first wedding anniversary is coming up in about three

months. They haven't even

had their, oh my god.

It's like

their first year anniversary and there's

a murder suspect in it.

I'm crying.

OP

also says here, I definitely don't

feel very secure in my relationship at the

moment. Physically safe, sure.
And for the record, I'm quite confident I didn't murder anybody. I was where I said I was, and I'm like 99% sure the bar I was at has security cameras.
I don't think I'm going to end up on a true crime documentary anytime soon. But divorced? Possibly.
And he has the nerve to comment that but not give us an update.

I know.

I take back my advice.

Go fuck yourself.

You can go figure out how to handle this situation on your own.

What's the point of coming on Beyonce's internet if you're not going to give us the fucking update?

It's been 10 days.

If you haven't communicated once in those 10 days yet, maybe you should just get a divorce.

I hate him. You tell him.
You tell him. I did.
I did. Well, I do.
I was going to go a different direction for you on the second one. Okay.
But you said you wanted an update, right? Shut up. You blue balled me.
Oh my God. You're the murderer in the library with the chandelier oh my god no sir i just have another one another story for you today and this one is insane oh so this is totally unrelated unrelated next story okay I thought there was like an update and i was like there was one okay anyways no let's hear no oh god is this one crazy you you be the judge you be the judge that means yeah so this is coming from r slash true off my chest it is titled my husband left our five-year-old and nine-month-old home alone and refuses to explain why.

it's not funny just for the real it's like not a funny situation just the delivery of these words and he will not give an explanation like so where did you go fully sat seated and kaput my husband is 43 and i'm 31 we've been married for seven years and have a five-year-old and a nine-month-old baby. My husband left our children alone, and he refuses to admit it or tell me where he was.
I'm furious, enraged, and my husband keeps telling me I'm making a big deal about nothing. This just happened this weekend.
I'm on the board of directors for a local nonprofit organization. I had to attend an event for that organization this past Saturday, and I was gone for most of the day.
My husband was supposed to be home with our kids. I texted him a few times, and he responded.
When I called around midday, he didn't respond, and that's not very unusual. Shortly after that, I got a call from my mom.
She said my son had just called her. And when she asked him what he and his sister were doing, he said they were both watching TV.
When she asked where their dad was, he said his dad wasn't there. My mom asked him several other questions.
And from my son's response, she believed he was telling the truth and that my husband wasn't there. My mom asked him several other questions and from my son's response, she believed

he was telling the truth and that my husband wasn't there and that there was no adult there at all. She said he didn't seem to be scared, alone, or worried about where his dad was at.
He just called her to chat. He has a tablet designed for children.
Oh my god, that's so cute.

Oh my god.

He has a tablet designed for children. Oh my God.

That's so cute.

Oh my God.

He has a tablet designed for children with pre-programmed contacts that he can call.

It's only a few people, just family members.

I left the event immediately and began texting and calling my husband repeatedly.

He didn't respond to my first several attempts.

It took him about 10 minutes.

I was halfway home at that point.

Thank you. texting, and calling my husband repeatedly.
He didn't respond to my first several attempts. It took him about 10 minutes.
I was halfway home at that point to respond. I was so confused, so worried, really mad, and I asked him where he was.
He said he was at home. I told him our son had just told his grandmother that he was home alone with his baby sister watching tv about 15 minutes ago my husband denied it god you got god my husband denied it and i told him i was too upset to talk and drive when i got home i checked on the kids right away and they were both fine i asked my husband again, where was he? He said he was home the entire time.
He doesn't know what our son was talking about, but he must have been just confused since he had gone to the basement to do some laundry. I ran down to the basement.
It was the same load of laundry I'd thrown in the dryer the night before. He didn't do any laundry when I was gone.
This is so gaggy. This man just keeps digging his hole deeper and deeper.
I asked my husband why my son would be confused about whether his dad was home or not. Where in our home would he have gone and for how long for our son to think his dad wasn't home? That doesn't make sense with a five-year-old and a nine-month-old baby.
You wouldn't leave them unattended that long. Why was he nowhere to be found when my mom asked my son to go check certain areas of the house? Oh my God.
Oh my God. If there is not an update for this, I just remembered the podcast I'm on.
This is about to get crazy. I feel you just did an eyebrow raise.
Oh, buckle up, bitch. I begged my husband to just admit it.
Stop treating me like an idiot and to stop accusing our son of lying. Just tell me the truth because being lied to right to my face is so incredibly maddening.
He insists he was home, but he can't come up with any believable story of where he was at or what he was doing during that time. The way he answers me when I ask him about it and demand truthful answers is so dismissive.
When I tell him, quote, you left our children alone, he quickly says, no, I didn't. So anyways, he says I'm overreacting and letting our son's imagination drive me crazy.
I am convinced he was gone. We don't have a ring camera, but at least one of our neighbors does.
I'm so upset about this that I'm tempted to ask our neighbor for the ring footage. Oh, Miss Mother, you better have attached the ring footage to the motherfucking Reddit.
I had to go out to my car and scream and cry because I got so upset. Of course, I didn't want my kids to see my reaction.
I can't put into words how upset I am about the fact that I know he must have really left them alone, but I have no proof and I'm being treated like I'm just a paranoid nutcase of a woman slash mother by him. let me just say that a woman's instincts i feel like are scientifically 99 accurate like that is just as effective as like Lysol or like Clorox or whatever the fuck.
Oh my God. Give me the update.
Like I don't even need to deliberate. Like I'm so fucking buckled in.
I've got like an extra buckle on. I mean, how does he not think he's going to get caught? But it's like, no, he did get caught.
How does he think he's going to get out of it by one, being an asshole? Two, you lied about laundry when, no, you didn't. The jig is up.
Also, no offense. You would have to be in the basement for like three hours doing laundry.
You would have to be like, what is that thing called that they used on like Little House on the Prairie? Washboard. he would have to be fucking washboarding everything for that to make sense i mean girl just be like i was fucking some other bitch like why won't men just realize if you cheat just say it it makes it 3 000 times better than someone finding out themselves uh yeah be honest but also But also, like, if you're going to cheat, maybe don't leave your nine-month-old baby alone.
Find a time where you're not being a dad and do it then. Like, don't be so disrespectful.
I mean, if you're going to be disrespectful, at least have some respect for someone. Yeah, don't involve the kids like that.
Your kids, a five-year-old and a nine-month-old, like, there's so many things that could have gone wrong. They're babies.
Doesn't, like, a nine-month-old need to eat, like, every four hours or some shit? Maybe not, but that's what I think. I have not.
I have not had a child yet. I do not know.
But I mean, he was gone longer than at least 20 minutes. Right.
Like he called grandma, had a full conversation with grandma, went around the house with his little tablet, like playing I spy. Then grandma called mom.
Mom called him and tried to drive home. And that was 15 minutes.
So like this is at least 20 minutes. Like if he's not checking in on a nine month old baby.
And he had to drive anywhere. So like, well, like, yeah, he had to drive somewhere.
So like, buffer that in. He's gone for at least an hour.
That's what I'm saying, at least. Okay.
What's, I don't know why. She's like, should I ask for my neighbor's ring footage? I mean, the way that I would have fucking hacked their ring by now is like immediately yes i mean we would have gotten into the full fucking mainframe the side frame the i mean it's just ridiculous oh my god i'm so invested so top comment on this one when my now ex did this it.
I didn't know about it. He told me months later when I found out that he often left at night and put the kids in the living room together.
Quote, so if the house burned down, at least they'd be together. My youngest was under a year.
My oldest was five. Don't stop asking questions.
Holy shit. Wow.
I mean, consider me doing BDSM because, bitch, I'm gagged. OP responds to that.
This gives me chills. Wow.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, okay.
Like, here's a a fun creative writing moment what if he was going to kill the boyfriend who has epilepsy you know we've got like a cross marvel dc world honestly don't put it past reddit to that man don't put it past reddit but this next comment is really interesting. I haven't seen it anywhere, but will admit I haven't looked super deeply.
So I'll add this to you. This is not the first time your husband has left your children alone.
Your son's reaction to grandma is proof enough of that. He was calm, completely unbothered by the fact that he and the baby were alone.
He would not react like that the first time. Wait, gag.
That is so true. Because imagine the first time you're little and you can't find your parents, you start crying.
You do not have this calm. I'm going to call grandma on my tablet reaction.
Wait. Yeah.
He leaves them alone all the time. I was thinking maybe the dad was like, I have to go to the grocery store to get you guys a snack.
I'll be right back. But then the kid would have said, like, dad's at the grocery store getting us a snack.
He just slipped out. Wow.
Wow, wow. Wait.
Wow. I mean, like like this is how i know that reddit and your podcast has totally fucked me hard because like i am jumping to like the most insane situations but like what if the person who responded and was like my ex did that with my kids what if it's the same same guy? Trying to like poke holes.
I don't know. I'm just like grasping for anything.
Is there an update? There is, but I have a few more comments for you. Oh my God.
Oh my God. This is the best day of my life.
So someone else goes, it's either drugs or an affair. Also, the fact that your five-year-old was calm and nonchalant about it makes me believe

he does this frequently enough that the kids are used to it.

And OP responds, my mom said she chatted with my son for at least five minutes before she

asked him where his dad was.

And when she asked, she still didn't think anything was wrong.

She was just trying to make conversation.

He gave no indication that anything was wrong.

And when she started asking him more questions regarding his dad's whereabouts, he didn't seem phased. OP just says like he definitely won't be left alone with them anymore unless it's a test where I am secretly watching the entire time.
Oh, my God. Please tell me she did this.
a lot of people are asking like does husband have any accounts like bank accounts that

she's not aware of that she could start looking through to gather evidence and really build a case? And OP responds, he has a separate bank account that I don't have access to. It's not a secret account.
I know it exists. I don't have a debit card for it.
I'm not named on the account, and I don't have login details.

I have no clue what's in it.

We have a joint account too.

So, I mean, very easy of him to hide things.

Oh, my God, is there another update?

I am just like a little greedy bitch today because I'm like, give me more. So we do have an official update.
It was. Oh, my God.
I'm so excited. Oh, my God.
It was posted four days after the original post. Oh, I thought you were gonna be like four days ago.
And I like, and it's hot off the press. Well, I mean, this story is coming from February 4th.
It's less than a month old. Like we could still get more updates, but let's, let's see what this one says.
Before you give me the update. I don't understand why she didn't immediately.
If someone was like, oh, someone's done this to me before and it was drugs with my kids. That neighbor with the ring camera.
My God. I would be sucking and fucking them immediately to get that footage.
Oh, you know the neighbors are going to get a kick out of it, too. Everyone loves a little neighborly drama.
Yeah. Are Are you kidding? Oh my God.
She can be an informant to the neighbors. Just give the footage over.
Gag. Anyways.
So for the update. Last weekend, my husband left our five-year-old and nine-month-old home alone while I was gone and then refused to admit it or provide a plausible explanation.
Since then, we've had many arguments

about it. I've been living in a constant state of anger and frustration.
I didn't want to fight

about it anymore, but I couldn't help it and I kept bringing it up again and again. I couldn't

lay low and pretend to get over it while I waited for him to do it again and catch him in whatever

was going on. I also knew that demanding he tell me the truth wasn't going to get me anywhere.
Since he had been refusing to talk and deflecting for days, all it was going to do is make me enraged and feel like I was about to have a brain aneurysm. I told him to hand me his phone so I could check his location at that time.
He refused. He said he wouldn't do it and that it was a violation of his privacy.
He won't be treated that way and refuses to give in to my delusions. You think I enjoy being in a situation where I have to beg my husband to show me his phone so I can see where he was at? I hate it.
I don't want to live that way. I told him it's simple.
If he was really at home the entire time, just prove it. Why wouldn't he want to clear this whole thing up? That's the gag.
If you're home, it's like, here, bitch, here's a location. Enjoy.
Sir, why are you fighting? At this point, it doesn't matter if it's principle, right like i don't want you to invade my privacy you should trust me oh the principle of it it's clearly time has gone on she's not getting over it if you're innocent prove your innocence because you're not looking innocent but there's no privacy if you're at home there's nothing to be private about. Isn't that the truth?

If I was sitting my

fat ass at home and someone was like, I don't

think you were home, I would be like,

bet, bitch.

Like,

oh my god, I am

on the edge of my literal seat.

I got so mad

that he wouldn't turn over his phone that

I told him I was going to the neighbors to get their

doorbell footage.

At first, he was like,

Thank you. I got so mad that he wouldn't turn over his phone that I told him I was going to the neighbors to get their doorbell footage.

At first, he was like, fine, go do it.

He didn't think I actually would.

He knows I don't like to air drama to others, so he probably figured I'd just swallow all of this crap he's been giving me.

Luckily, I was totally being driven by anger at this point,

so nothing was going to stop me from going to the neighbors.

When I actually started to go out the door, he tried to stop me and followed me out the door.

I felt pure anger rushing through my veins, nothing else. The neighbor, who I've probably said less than 10 words to the entire time we've lived here, told me he would send me the footage.
I went home, told my husband that the neighbor didn't have the footage from that day anymore, and told him I just needed to go to the store and cool off. So I put the kids in the car and went and parked somewhere while I waited for the neighbor to send me the footage.
I have the neighbor's number now too, and he told me if I need any more footage, he will be happy to give it to me. So for the video.
The video. Oh my God, let's go.
This is like the fucking Super Bowl. Oh my God, is this how straight men feel when it's happening? Oh my god.
The video shows a blue car that I don't recognize show up and park in our driveway. A blonde woman gets out of the car and goes towards my house.
She walks on the outside of our garage towards the gate leading to our backyard. The gate is too far back and out of the way to be seen by the doorbell footage.
She and her car were there for 23 minutes. Imagine that.
The car leaves right around the time that my husband called me to say he was home and had been home the entire time, as I was rushing home in a panic and calling him on repeat. One of two possibilities as to where they went.
She either came in through the side door of the house, which does provide direct access to the basement, or, and what I think is more likely, is that they were in the back most area of our yard, which is a gated pool area. Immediately behind our house is a grass lawn.
Then you step down a few steps and we have a patio. And then there is a fully gated area where the pool is.
It's not like you think of when you picture a gated pool. It's a full six-foot wood fence all the way around, plus even taller landscaping for added privacy.
You can't see into the area at all unless you're inside. I think it's more than likely that they were back in there because my son said his dad's keys were gone and we keep that gate locked with a key.
The pool is closed for winter but there's one small building back there sort of like a shed that we converted into a changing area, and there is a covered patio with furniture. I am fully convinced that's where they were.
So technically, he was home, but in an area totally removed from the house and where he couldn't see or hear the kids if something happened. I asked him how he could explain this.
What were they doing? I obviously don't need him to tell me what they were doing, but for some reason, I still had hope that he'd finally be honest. He wasn't contrite.
He showed no remorse. He was just like, yeah, she was here, but I obviously never left.
Okay. Who is she? Cleaver out of the kitchen and we're having steak tonight.
Who is she? How long has this been going on? And if he's going to be such a disgusting, despicable excuse of a man, then why couldn't he at least have found any other time

and any other lie or excuse other than when he was home alone with our kids?

I told him I know this has happened before, and I demanded to know how many times he's done this

when he's been home alone with the kids. He swears this is the only time, but he still doesn't have the balls to confess what they were doing.
I don't believe him that this was the only time. FYI.
Oh my God, thank God. I still have so many questions, and I still feel like my heart is beating 200 times a minute.
My blood pressure is through the roof. I've cried a lot, sobbed, begged for somebody to help me, yelled, screamed, ordered a bunch of books about divorce and custody.
And you know what? The next day, after our multiple explosive fights, him putting hands on me and me seeing the evidence, he acted like everything was totally normal and like none of the stuff ever happened. Done.
Girl, what? Done. I woke up seething, exhausted, broken, and he's acting like everything is totally normal.
He said he was ordering breakfast to be delivered from our favorite breakfast place. He asked if I wanted to go to the store together later and try this new recipe for chili tonight.
What? Why would I want to do any of these things with you? Absolutely no acknowledgement of anything he's done and what's transpired between us the past few days. He deserves an Oscar for how well he is able to act like none of it happened.
Completely comfortable and non-phased. I know that it's a waste of my energy, but I desperately want him to admit the full truth of what he did that day and any other day with this woman.
I want to hear it from him. It won't change what he's done, but he could at least have the respect and decency to be honest now that he's caught.
That's a ridiculous thought though, right? How foolish of me to expect this man to show decency and honesty now. If he was a decent and honest man, he wouldn't have had a strange woman over to our house and been out of sight of our kids for 23 minutes.
His continued denial and refusal to admit to anything other than the bare minimum, his attitude like I'm somehow being controlling or infringing on his rights by asking for information, that's almost more hurtful than him cheating on me. I mean, you got got, bitch.
And like, also you saying I ordered us breakfast from our favorite breakfast is another translation of bitch. I'm guilty.

It's almost like he's trying to love bomb her now. And it's like, I didn't love their age gap at the beginning.
I know, you know, there's some people that have huge age gaps and that works for their relationship. And that's amazing.
But she's 31 now and he is 43. They've been married for seven years.
What's 31 minus seven? Oh, you're asking a lot of me. Don't tell me.
24. 24.
Yes. Oh my God.
And that's when they got married and so like how long were they dating were they dating at 22 and 34 like you know what i mean like that's just such they're at two very different spots in their life and so i think all of his behavior now is like giving red flags it's giving very controlling it's giving abusive it. It's not a healthy relationship.
You just had a baby and I'm not the center of attention and it doesn't look like it used to down there and he's looking for something righter and tighter. That's all I'm getting.
But what I immediately went to hearing that update, I'm like, bitch, let's zoom in on that video. Let's get the license plate.
Also, let's take a little trip to the little changing shed and see if there's any little condoms. Ooh.
Ooh. Like, let's check the trash can.
I mean, like, we're, like, God bless this person. And I'm so sorry it happened to them.
If you are listening. Oh, my God.
If you're listening, I'm so sorry. But like, oh, my God, you are so naive.
Like, check. I mean, I would be walking around with a magnifying glass in the backyard.
I mean, you kind of unfortunately have to like I know there's there's a lot of times where you don't need closure.

But this feels like one of those times like you just need like the evidence to not feel so crazy, especially with the way he's gaslighting, where he's confronted with this video evidence of another woman coming into their home. And he goes, yeah, she was here, but I didn't leave.
It's like, OK, well, now that's not the point. That was crazy.
That was crazy to be like, yeah, there is another woman coming in the side of our home, but I didn't fucking lie. Okay.
So you want to, you want a trophy for not leaving the house. You still left a baby, a nine month old baby who could have just rolled over and died alone for 23 minutes.
Sir, that is not... Dude, every day I am just more and more amazed by men.
Like, I really am. I...
I mean, but we got a woman in the first one. She was goofy.
It's just people, like, have people just lost the plot lately? Like, I. With everything going on, too, I'm like, like, I just, okay, I just don't understand, like, cheating.
Like, I just, I don't get it. Because we've seen it time and time again that nobody likes being cheated on.
And nobody loves having to do the detective work to find out that they were cheated on. No.
So just fucking say it, bitch. The jig is up.
I mean, the fucking car is in the driveway. Look, come on.
We know her hair color. We know what box dyke shade it is.
I mean, what? We're really good at who? Well, I was home. I think he fully expected to be able to have that power over her.
I think he fully expected he could gaslight, provide her some pancakes, and she would move on. Clearly, but like, oh, my God, what a fucking moron.
If you're're gonna do that and fuck around in the pool

area hey yeah i was cleaning the pool oh i was doing maintenance on the pool i like if you're gonna fucking cheat at least be good at it i mean god it's insane it's insane so stupid and no wonder they don't have a ring camera so he can go get his dick wet on a fucking Monday night.

Like, no wonder he's like, nah, babe, we don't need a ring camera so he can go get his dick wet on a fucking Monday night. Like, no wonder he's like, nah, babe, we don't need a ring camera.
The government's gonna be watching us. And then he's like, the fucking idiot that votes for Trump.
Anyways. I'm so angry at this story.
I'm like, what an idiot. What an idiot.
I know. We do have a couple other comments from OP just kind of talking like, I'm concerned for my mental health right now too.
And so understandable, like your whole world is kind of crashing down. But I think in these situations, like you just need to get out, take your kids, go stay with your mom for a little bit, set up a camera before you leave, because she will be there.
Have the neighbor's camera rolling. Get a login to the ring app.
I mean, she will come back. But I mean, commenting about like how I'm not sure what the current footage I have will really prove as far as the court is concerned, because like it doesn't show them it just shows her coming in so I definitely think she needs to set up cameras I have like a better idea that's like so like Carmen Sandiego of me okay I think she should put like an ink or something on the padlock that locks the pool that's like you just cannot wash off you know how like you get like a Sharpie on your finger and it's like there for a couple of days.
Like, oh my God, a stamp at one of the clubs. Those things are on your hand for fucking ever.
Yeah. She needs something that's like, she should make the ink red so he can be caught.
Red. Oh my God.
Gag. I've like written the whole movie.
Ah! Chills. Okay.
Yes. Sorry.
I'm, like, I've become a lunatic on this podcast. Like, I fully become, like, a tinfoil flat earther.
I'm, like, here we go. Oh, my God.
A tin hat wearing. You forgot.
Oh. I mean, she needs to do something, right? Like, I think at this point, a divorce is not only inevitable, but absolutely necessary.
Bare minimum. She does.
Bare minimum. And she does, like, clarify.
Like, he grabbed my arm to stop me from going to the neighbors. He didn't hit me.
But regardless, he put his hands on you. He was trying to obstruct you from getting this evidence because he knew he was guilty.
And at that point, as you've said, the jig is up. You could have came clean then.
You didn't have to try to stop her from getting out of the house. That's just being a psychopath.
Yeah, it doesn't matter if he grabbed your arm. Oh my God, that is an indication of what her relationship is like, but she's downplaying like, no, it wasn't like physical abuse.
He just grabbed your arm like oh my god that is an indication of what her relationship is like

that she's downplaying like no it wasn't like physical abuse he just grabbed my arm because it doesn't he knew that he fucking cheated on me does not matter if anybody is putting hands on you to be controlling red flag red flag not good No.

Bad.

Very bad.

And last comment we have from OP is 23 days ago. We have no other updates, no other comments.
So I'm hoping OP is out there, hears this, knows that it's okay to leave. It's okay to get out.
Like, look after yourself, your yourself your safety your kids you got to go i hope op is alive where i i think i think she's okay not to be grim but this husband is like shift t he's pushing 50 and he is shifty it's very concerning because like when, and I'd love for like maybe a therapist to chime in on that. Like, hey, what's going on in his brain where you are very clearly caught, caught, evidence presented before you and you still are like doubling down that nothing's going on, nothing's happening.
You're still gaslighting. Like, what is that? Like, what is that? What screw in the brain is loose on that one? I don't even think the screw is loose.
I think someone at the factory forgot to put it in. It's something.
It's something. Okay.
How are you feeling? I feel great. There was no coconuts involved.
So I am just like thriving. I feel like I watched like a back to back action movie.
Wow. Man, that was absurd.
I was like, I was like expecting to be put through the ringer in like the coconut story kind of way. This was enthralling.
You know, I do have one that people have been tagging me in that is pretty nausea inducing, but I figured I'd ease into it. I didn't want to scare any newcomers that might be discovering us this week.
And I, you know, we'll get back. We'll get there.
You're just going to save it for when we're on tour, when I'm a hit there in person. Great.
When we're in person, I want to feel your scream. Just send shockwaves through the studio.
You ask and you shall receive. Chris, thank you so, so much for coming on and just being the most amazing person I I just appreciate you so much you are one of the most authentic kind funny smart witty people I've met on this normal person to podcaster journey and I just I love you oh my god I'm gonna cry What the fuck? I'm like, no, no, no, that was not part of the deal.
You complimenting me.

But you have an amazing youtube channel you have a new show coming where can people find you you can find me you can just google chris clemens baby and the rest well maybe actually don't do that i think my ass cheeks come up on google oh Oh, I mean, like I put them up there, but like, you know, it's not great. You can find me on the Internet.
Chris Clemens. God, I'm just everywhere.
There is nothing I hate more than like having to plug myself. I'm like your ass cheeks do not come up.
You're safe. Oh, great.
Just Google Chris Cummins. I'm on YouTube, tick tock podcast coming soon.
Oh, okay. I lied.
I did scroll a little further and, um, you're, I got laser hair removal. Ass shot does come up.
Oh, that one's okay though. That, I mean, not, it's not great, but yeah.
Okay. Thank you so much for having me.
I literally love coming on this podcast. This feels like my home away from home, and I just now I'm going to jerk you off a little.
You too are the most genuine, kind, caring, every positive adjective I could think of you are that like you

really do just care about the people around you and making everyone feel good and seen and you

are just that brain of yours is so goddamn big so I love you I love you I love you that you're

in the family but uh thank you