206: Chaos as Usual..

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Speaker 1 Are you guys ready? Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 I am so, so excited. This is the first week that video is dropping right on Spotify direct.
Spotify.

Speaker 1 Ooh. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 You were giving like that S that you draw like six lines for and then connect and a little, you know, remember? Superhero S. Oh, so good luck.
I was never really good at drawing that. Oh, I crushed.

Speaker 1 That was crazy.

Speaker 1 But nuts.

Speaker 1 So, so excited to be a part of the Spotify family. It has been four years of hard work, a lot of episodes to get us here, but we are in a new era and it is so, so crazy exciting.
We're grateful.

Speaker 1 We're thankful. I'm blown away.
I'm just overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed.
And I'm a little scared because I'm

Speaker 1 nervous. How many people are seeing our face for the first time? Hope you're not disappointed.
I'm so sorry if you are disappointed. I'm Morgan, by the way, just in case you didn't know.
I'm Lauren.

Speaker 1 I'm Justin. These are my regular co-hosts because there might be some people coming in.
They might be seeing the pod up on bright billboards. They might be like, what is this too hot takes?

Speaker 1 Reddit stories? Crazy drama? Yeah, we get into it all. We've been here four years, and if you're new, you will come across some iconic stories like the coconut, the buttersticks, slugs.

Speaker 1 I mean, we have covered chaos over the past four years. Absolutely.
Yes. We're traumatized and also just desensitized.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's the best way to put it. Something like that.

Speaker 1 I have so much information from Reddit now that when I'm talking to friends about issues going on in their life, I'm like, well, this one, this one lady, 27 female.

Speaker 1 I just have people, friends, close friends of mine that'll say, oh, you're doing the podcast thing. When they bring up issues to me, I'm like, well, did you talk to Bob?

Speaker 1 And did they see it this way? Because maybe they're thinking about it like this.

Speaker 1 And he's like, oh, you're doing what you do on the show. I'm like, well,

Speaker 1 that's just me on the show. I'm also.

Speaker 1 That's how he started. Yeah.
That's how I started. Literally, this whole idea came about really like, I think the first text I ever had was like 2019, like, let's start a podcast.

Speaker 1 But it really got brought to life because of COVID and like being so bored and alone and scared and depressed that like we were sending Reddit stories back and forth.

Speaker 1 And I would send, I would send them to everyone. And I'm like,

Speaker 1 really probably starting to annoy everyone. Like, what about a podcast? And that's what it was.

Speaker 1 It was just like talking through these stories, trying to understand them, giving some takes, and it's turned into all of this. Yeah.
Which is pretty freaking wild.

Speaker 1 Morgan used to make me come over to her house during COVID and just like do a bunch of like tricks. Like I felt like a pony.
Well, no, we actually made me be a ponytime for TikTok.

Speaker 1 She's like, let's make something out of this media world. And I'm like, we're too old.
We were jumping over rolls of toilet paper trying to make it. Just trying to make something happen.

Speaker 1 I mean, COVID was a crazy time. Crazy time.
But here we are. This is another episode full of chaotic, crazy, unhinged stories.

Speaker 1 And I really, really hope you enjoy the show, especially our OGs, been here four years.

Speaker 1 Love you all.

Speaker 1 Are you guys ready? Let's do it. Let's go.
Let's dive in.

Speaker 1 Okay, are we ready for this first one? Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay, this first one is coming from AITAH, eight days old, titled, Am I the asshole for deciding to postpone the wedding over a comment my fiancé made about my scar.

Speaker 1 I, female, have a visible scar on the side of my neck. It's been there for over six years, and no one has ever commented on it or made any negative remarks about it.

Speaker 1 However, my fiancé would make comments about my scar and make it seem as flirting, like for instance, complaining he has kissed every part of my body except my neck because of the scar

Speaker 1 and how the scar

Speaker 1 looked like a kid messed up such a great art, referring to my look. Oh, no, etc., etc.
I told him I didn't appreciate it, even if he was using the scar to be flirty with me.

Speaker 1 But he insisted he loves me, anyways. How is that flirty? Yeah, what part of that was flirty?

Speaker 1 Our wedding is approaching, and I've been busy with the wedding planning.

Speaker 1 And days ago, my fiancé and I and in-laws were talking about the wedding, and we're talking about how we're going to finally be married. He laughed and said,

Speaker 1 I'm marrying you minus the scar.

Speaker 1 Absolutely not.

Speaker 1 I was stunned when he said that, especially in front of his family. I was so upset, I got up and walked out of the room.

Speaker 1 We had a big fight, and he kept saying I was being a drama queen and that he said nothing wrong. He doubled down when I said I'd consider postponing the wedding because of his comment.

Speaker 1 And then he called me crazy.

Speaker 1 His mom said that I'm obviously traumatized by my scar to let it ruin my marriage with her son. And she suggested therapy.

Speaker 1 She told me that the scar was the issue, not her son who loves me as I am and chose me to be his wife. I'm so pissed.
I don't know. I feel really horrible right now.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I said the right thing about postponing the wedding and whether I'm overreacting in this situation.

Speaker 1 My girlfriends have previously said that my fiancé shouldn't even be bringing up the scar like that. Absolutely not.
Am I the asshole? No.

Speaker 1 Whew, Justin, you want to take this?

Speaker 1 His mom is saying for him that no, he's marrying you, all of you, for you.

Speaker 1 When that directly contradicts everything that

Speaker 1 so,

Speaker 1 with that in mind, this is

Speaker 1 some could say, oh, well, it's just he doesn't like like one little whatever, part of you, whatever.

Speaker 1 But really, this is a character thing. This isn't, this isn't just, oh, he made a bad comment and it's a pattern of bad comments, which, you know, I always like to react to a pattern and not a

Speaker 1 one-time whatever.

Speaker 1 And, you know, it makes it feel like this is a... overall him red flag.
Yeah. Where he can't get over the scar and he's going to keep bringing it up and then drop the bomb,

Speaker 1 probably of the worst comment he's made, or at least what it appears. It's really bad.

Speaker 1 Right at this time. It's intentional, though.
Do you not think? Like, it feels like he's really trying to take her confidence down and like

Speaker 1 neg her in a way, like where he's just constantly poking like an insecurity.

Speaker 1 And maybe it's not even an insecurity for her, but he's constantly bringing up something that could negatively affect her and using it as a way to, like, I don't know, it feels like keep her in check, like make sure you don't realize that you're too good for me.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't, I'm just getting a really bad vibe from this. Yeah, it is, it is a good question.
Like, where does that even come from?

Speaker 1 What, is it just because he thinks it's normal or funny to say stuff like that? Is he, is he trying to get something like a reaction?

Speaker 1 Is he trying to make her feel small and that she's like, that she gets the prize by winning him like what is the motive is he hoping that oh well if i keep making comments and now man now that i'm really committing forever maybe i can convince her to i don't know like there's there's no changing i like i don't think that that would be it because i feel he would instead say something like oh if that bothers you like i'll help chip in for removal you know but then again i don't know people are stupid so and also that would be wrong for him to say too, but it's just, I don't know, guys, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's he sucks. I mean, end of story.
He really sucks. I, this isn't something I would go on with because it's like, you're maybe going to get scars later.
If you have kids, you get stretch marks.

Speaker 1 Those are scars. What's he going to do? Oh, I love you for all of you, except those stretch marks.
Like, you love me for me. End of story.
Yeah. You love me, all of me, Scar and all, bald and all.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It doesn't matter.
It's either you love me for who I am or you don't really love me.

Speaker 1 I know. And if there's something, because also it's not a perfect world where you do love every single aspect of the person you're with.
We're not perfect.

Speaker 1 Nobody ever in history or in the future is ever going to fit together like a perfect puzzle piece. It just, no, it's about loving someone for who they are

Speaker 1 overall because you're not going to love. Flaws at all.
We all have flaws. Exactly.
And so if there is a flaw,

Speaker 1 you learn to

Speaker 1 love that flaw, or you just don't bring it up and you don't keep making it a thing. And if it's really that big of a deal for you, then why, like, what are we doing anyway? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because someone else is going to love this person

Speaker 1 10 times more. Yeah.
I feel like you guys are puzzle pieces. We're pretty close.
I mean, I don't love that Justin doesn't fart. Oh, God, we're doing this again.

Speaker 1 We got to really let the new people know what they're doing. Well, I mean, imagine if she did that right before the wedding.
She's like, I'm marrying you and not your non-fartingness.

Speaker 1 Well, that would be kind of funny. I know it's less serious.
I know it is. Yeah.
But no, I mean, I like a lot of you guys know this.

Speaker 1 I've talked about it before, but I have a birthmark on my head and it makes like half of my hair color a different color. And

Speaker 1 I'm not insecure about it, but I don't know. Sometimes I just want to not show it because I

Speaker 1 maybe I'm a little insecure about it.

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's just, I guess I don't.

Speaker 1 I don't like people to think that I dye it because it makes me seem way edgier than I am. So maybe that's where the insecure part is.

Speaker 1 I feel like I want to wear a sign that says, no, this is just a birthmark, but whatever it is, there's some feelings there. And

Speaker 1 if I were to, if my fiancé were to say that to me about my birthmark, yes, I can dye it.

Speaker 1 But knowing that he thinks that my birthmark looks like bad or negative and he doesn't love me for the like uniqueness or the random parts of me, that would hurt so much that I don't know that I would be interested in that relationship.

Speaker 1 Completely agree. Yeah, you should never inspire insecurities in the people you love.
Yeah. Because

Speaker 1 we all know from elementary school, middle school, high school, I bet we can all remember those comments, remember exactly where they happened, when they happened, and they still cross into our minds to this day.

Speaker 1 Fourth grade playground, first time I got called fat. Oh,

Speaker 1 I remember exactly who said it. I won't, I won't out him.

Speaker 1 Tyler.

Speaker 1 It's that, or, you know, it's any other feature or anything like this scar. I mean, she's obviously well aware of it.

Speaker 1 She's hopefully made peace with it and is just living her life until you come around and be like, oh, but that scar. And you have to constantly point it out.

Speaker 1 And that whether it's trauma from the past or trauma literally created from you. not getting over this scar, you keep digging that knife in every single time.
And again, for

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 So, the top comment on this one: not the asshole. That's hurtful, disrespectful, and calling attention to something that is very much a part of you in a negative way.

Speaker 1 When you love someone, you do so not out of spite of the things that make them unique, but because of those things.

Speaker 1 I'd venture to say that scar has shaped how you feel about yourself, the world, relationships, etc.,

Speaker 1 and contributed to the woman you are today.

Speaker 1 OP responds and says, thank you for your comment. True.
I feel like he has let me down because he, of all people, shouldn't be commenting on my scar. But I thought he meant well.

Speaker 1 But now, I feel like it's deliberate, but for what purpose?

Speaker 1 I have no idea.

Speaker 1 Oh, and then let's not forget too.

Speaker 1 You don't want that mother-in-law in your life?

Speaker 1 No, thanks. I mean, it's the classic.
Was anyone surprised when that part came up? I mean, it's the classic support your son. Support.
I mean, your child.

Speaker 1 I think we've seen on both sides where they fiercely defend or enable and enable.

Speaker 1 And then enable. And an enable.

Speaker 1 And an

Speaker 1 animal.

Speaker 1 But yeah, you're enabling. And you're just defending your child.
Yeah. And trying to hold it together, probably for their sake, because it doesn't seem like she and

Speaker 1 OP have the strongest relationship.

Speaker 1 Because I think, in that sense, it would be more of like, yeah, that was almost taking her side, making her feel better instead of just fully focusing on her son and the marriage.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're going to walk away just from for this? You're going to give up your whole marriage? Like,

Speaker 1 super manipulative. You're traumatized.

Speaker 1 So, there is a comment here that someone says the fact they're making it sound like he's doing you a favor by marrying you, even though you have a scar, is the hugest red flag.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck comments on someone's scars like that for this long? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And OP goes, to be honest, I didn't see it this way at first, but I guess the way he worded it, especially making those comments seem flirty, has been driving me insane.

Speaker 1 And this is the next comment after that. I don't see how you found your example flirty.
Look up nagging.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Thank you.
Yeah. There you go.
Thank you, Sharper View, because that's what this is. Like, this is someone making negative comments about you in hopes that you try to then seek their approval.

Speaker 1 You really try to like impress them. And it's, it's a power dynamic thing.
And it's, it's so gross. There is one last comment from OP.
It's in response to this. He got his mom to gaslight you.

Speaker 1 I bet this isn't the only constant douche move in your relationship. Yeah.
And OP goes, thank you. I thought the same thing when she made the trauma comment.

Speaker 1 It hurt my feelings because I've always been accepting of my scar and never thought of it as traumatizing. Yeah, the traumatizing part is that family.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not the scar. No, they're creating the trauma.
Well, also, like, what are they implying by saying like, oh, your scar is traumatizing you? It's like. Does my scar scare you? Does my, what,

Speaker 1 what are you implying? I know. Well, right.
And it's not oftentimes, it's not whatever physical attribute or thing about you that is the traumatizing thing. It's the way people treat you over it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's what, like when I was talking about the middle school, high school thing, it's the trauma from those people.

Speaker 1 If people had never said anything or made fun of you or made you feel bad about it, it wouldn't be traumatic at all because it's just you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's where it comes from. Yeah.
And that's what this family's doing now. I know.
There's there's a comment too, and it's kind of reminding me.

Speaker 1 It's like a quote about disability. It's like people saying, my disability isn't what disables me.
It's the world. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, it's, there's a saying, and I'm, I'm not remembering it exactly right now, but it's, it's more so that. It's like, it's like, I'm, I'm good.
It's how others treat me.

Speaker 1 It's how the world doesn't create a space that enables me. And it's just, it's frustrating, really frustrating.

Speaker 1 But okay, we have no updates from OP on this one. No idea if the wedding is off yet.
I mean, it's nine days old.

Speaker 1 And yeah, that's all we got. So we're going to have to keep our eyes peeled, see if anything comes of this one.
Damn.

Speaker 1 But moving along. Moving along.
Okay, this next one is coming from R/Relationship Advice, three days old, titled, Boyfriend's Behavior in Restaurants Leaves Me Embarrassed.

Speaker 1 How can I avoid these scenarios?

Speaker 1 Whenever me, 27 female, and my boyfriend, 29 male, go to a restaurant, he will often order something that he envisions in a certain way in his head, which is different from the way it's actually supposed to be.

Speaker 1 And when his food arrives, he starts complaining that it's not what he had in mind. Mind you, this occurs eight out of ten times.

Speaker 1 For instance, yesterday he ordered an espresso macchiato.

Speaker 1 A couple of minutes later, the waiter brings him exactly that, after which he freaks out, whining about not being able to get a decent coffee, why he always has to suffer from getting this little shitty ass cup of coffee.

Speaker 1 I used to work as a barista, so I know my way around coffee, and I explained that he got a perfectly prepared espresso macchiato.

Speaker 1 Apparently, he automatically assumed that he would get a large cup of black coffee with milk, just because of the word macchiato.

Speaker 1 Then, this morning, whilst we were getting brunch, I recommended him the toasted sandwiches, pointing at the list of ingredients, reading the name of it out loud simultaneously.

Speaker 1 He liked the sound of veggie cheese, so he agreed to that. The waiter brings his veggie toast.
He whips the sandwich open, frantically searching for the eggs. I asked him, what eggs?

Speaker 1 He tells me he understood eggs and cheese instead of veggie cheese and didn't bother to look at the menu as he trusted me.

Speaker 1 This was probably the fifth time in a row that the same incident occurs.

Speaker 1 And I'm getting frustrated with him refusing to learn at least a few basic types of coffee since he's already consuming it on a regular basis, ending up causing a scene.

Speaker 1 Literally, not one of my friends has ever done something remotely similar to this. How am I supposed to handle this behavior?

Speaker 1 I'm curious what the causing a scene part is.

Speaker 1 I'm sure he's freaking out being like, I don't want to eat this. I want something else.
But like

Speaker 1 involving others? Uh-huh. The restaurant.
He's probably being like, send this back. I don't want this.
This isn't what I ordered. I don't want these the eggies

Speaker 1 and cheese.

Speaker 1 Veggie cheese? Like, what did you expect to get? He thought it was the eggies. Well, I'm also wondering, because you're right, it is really odd.

Speaker 1 Like, do you, is, do we think maybe there's like a learning issue or a reading issue? And maybe too embarrassed to say it because it does seem very interesting. I don't, I don't know.

Speaker 1 The top comment on this one. Okay, let's hear it.
Let's go. I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like he's straight up stupid.
Oh, ouch.

Speaker 1 I mean, like, what, what? I have no explanation for this, except like, maybe he's been enabled so long.

Speaker 1 But like,

Speaker 1 in what world? His mom picked out all of his meals or something. Probably cuts his food up for him.

Speaker 1 But in what world would I would never be like, macchiato must be a black coffee with some milk in it.

Speaker 1 That would be coffee with milk, coffee with cream. I don't take risks like that.
Anywhere I go, if I don't understand something that's on the menu, I'm looking that word up.

Speaker 1 Or if it's something I'm used to, as simple as like a chicken sandwich, and the sauce has a weird name, and there's something in you know, some word in there, I'll look it up. I don't take a chance.

Speaker 1 Wow, I'm like, yeah, it's probably good, but well, well, I am not

Speaker 1 as compared to some members of Morgan's family, we have found out. Okay, I am actually very not picky, okay? So, it depends, right?

Speaker 1 Depends if you're comparing to compared to you, I'm probably very picky.

Speaker 1 Uh, but I don't take chances, but also,

Speaker 1 I just think this makes me feel like I'm very easygoing

Speaker 1 because I'll order stuff. It's kind of not what I expected.
And I'm just like, I'm eating it. I'm good.
I don't know. Like this, it's just a non-issue

Speaker 1 in my world.

Speaker 1 And obviously, if something's really bad, right? We've all had those experiences. That's a different story.
That's so different. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is like, no, it's perfectly prepared the way it's supposed to be. And you're just an idiot.
And now you're making a scene. I could not put up with this long term.
No.

Speaker 1 Again, a pattern. There's a pattern of this happening.
You've brought it up, or that's kind of part of this conversation. If you do it, nothing changes.
I'm out.

Speaker 1 There you go. I liked that.

Speaker 1 I think this cut your losses. Yeah.
You know what's kind of crazy? I don't know what a macchiato is either.

Speaker 1 Just so you can. So you wouldn't order a macchiato.
No,

Speaker 1 I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't do this.
But like, I would look and see what was in it. But I've never ordered a macchiato, so I actually don't even know what it entails.

Speaker 1 And then you're just upset and angry.

Speaker 1 I'm picturing you like before a live. So, like, oh, that's coffee.

Speaker 1 No, definitely not. But no, I feel like I've only ever ordered coffee, latte, or cappuccino.
Like, I don't think I've ever, ever ordered a macchiato.

Speaker 1 So, my understanding, and I'm not a barista, never have been,

Speaker 1 they're all similar, but have different amounts of espresso to cream or milk ratios. So a macchiato is an espresso drink with a small amount of steamed or foamed milk.

Speaker 1 The word macchiato is Italian for marked or stained. Oh,

Speaker 1 it's a cute name. You've got some macchiato pants.
What's that supposed to mean?

Speaker 1 Marked? Stained? They're marked and stained. Wait, they're black.

Speaker 1 Skid marked. What? Oh my god.

Speaker 1 We're off

Speaker 1 Coming from your back. Dorin's got the macchiato pants.
No.

Speaker 1 I saw when you walked in. What?

Speaker 1 This is a complete lie. Must have happened in the car.

Speaker 1 Definitely not. Where are you getting this?

Speaker 1 You said stained or marked. But why me?

Speaker 1 Why not you? Why not Jerry? Like, why, why are you going? I'm in control of my rear end. And I'm not.

Speaker 1 I don't know what's happened here. I don't know.
There's a porter potty story.

Speaker 1 You guys are, I don't even know what's going on.

Speaker 1 Did you have a gummy? No. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 She's high in life.

Speaker 1 Here I am looking up differences between a cappuccino and a macchiato. A cappuccino has significantly larger proportion of steamed milk when compared to a macchiato, which only has a small amount.

Speaker 1 Nice. So

Speaker 1 Barise does chime in, but that's the vibe I'm getting. Okay, so what does she do? Is she

Speaker 1 keeps on reading the menu to him or are they going separate ways? There is a comment here that OP responds to. He sounds like a child.
Has he just been spoon-fed by his parents his entire life?

Speaker 1 This is a 27-year-old. OP responds, no, I'm 27.
He's 29.

Speaker 1 And the person goes, Why do you put up with this? And O.P. goes, I haven't known him that that long.
And I've noticed these cases in the past few weeks. Nothing similar beforehand.

Speaker 1 Hmm. I mean, I think there's an issue if you're having a tantrum past the age of

Speaker 1 eight, ten. I don't know.
Some days I crash out and I just turned 31. I'm talking like a tantrum, okay? Not like an adult like just being angry and whatever.

Speaker 1 I'm talking like little kid screaming just ridiculous tantrum. Yeah, I mean, there's a certain point where

Speaker 1 you got to reel it in a little bit. But I wonder again, like, I'm thinking about the scar.
I'm thinking about this. I'm like, he didn't do it initially.

Speaker 1 This is a recent thing over the past couple weeks. Is this a test? Is he trying to get her to break up with him because he doesn't want to? It's a weird way to do that.
It would be a really weird way.

Speaker 1 Just people have done weirder. Creative.
People have done a lot weirder. There's a lot easier ways to get someone to break up with you.
What's one of them?

Speaker 1 Let's hear, Justin. Mr.
Creative today. Well, you can poop your pants like Lauren.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 You could cheat. You could lie.
You could steal all their shit. First of all.
You could burn their house down. You can't just drop bombs like that.
You guys, my pants are completely clean.

Speaker 1 I feel like I need to show them my pants.

Speaker 1 This is so uninched.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of stuff you could do. You could burn their house down,

Speaker 1 ordering stuff at a restaurant and pretending it's not what you wanted, burning their house down. Well, there's probably, you know, there's jail time included with that.

Speaker 1 But there are other ways to speed this thing up. That's really what your motive is.
Well,

Speaker 1 we have no updates on if they're breaking up or not. I mean, this is three days old, and

Speaker 1 I'm curious about an update, OP. So if you're out there, let us know what you do.
Hit us up. Let us know.

Speaker 1 Active account, though, posting things as recent as one day ago. Oh, okay.
So, OP, chime in. Tell us.
Come on. Are you breaking up?

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Speaker 1 Okay, moving on to the very last story I have with you two.

Speaker 1 Ever. Well, not ever.
I hope not ever. Imagine that.
That'd be weird during our last story. But Lauren, you're not really scared over there.

Speaker 1 So this is coming from r/slash true off my chest, 13 days old. It is titled, My husband lied about coming to help me while I was critically sick.

Speaker 1 I, 28 female, have been married to my husband, 32 male, for three years. We have a one-year-old daughter together.
Up until recently, I thought I could count on him when I truly needed him.

Speaker 1 But last week, he proved me completely wrong. I'd been feeling off for a couple of days, fatigued, nauseous, just generally unwell.

Speaker 1 Then one morning, I woke up with a fever, chills, and a deep sense that something was really wrong. I was so weak, I could barely get out of bed.
Taking care of our daughter felt impossible.

Speaker 1 I called my husband at work and told him I needed him to come home. He promised he would.
An hour passed, then two. He kept texting me, saying he was just finishing up something and would leave soon.

Speaker 1 Then he claimed he was stuck in traffic. Then he said he was on his way, but had to stop for gas.
At this point, my fever was getting worse and I was struggling to even sit up without feeling dizzy.

Speaker 1 I told him it was urgent. He reassured me he was almost there.

Speaker 1 But something felt off, so I texted one of his coworkers, someone I knew he was close with. The response I got sent a chill down my spine.

Speaker 1 Quote, he hasn't left yet. He's still here.

Speaker 1 I was furious and terrified. I immediately called my neighbor, a kind older.
She came over right away, helped me get dressed, and drove me to the hospital.

Speaker 1 Turns out I had a severe asymptomatic urinary tract infection that had turned into a serious kidney infection. My heart rate was dangerously high.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 And the doctors told me that if I had waited much longer, I could have gone into septic shock.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Two hours later, while I was lying in that hospital bed, shaking from fever and hooked up to an IV, my husband finally decided to show up. Fuck you.
I didn't even want to look at him. Nope.

Speaker 1 He tried to explain, saying he didn't realize it was that bad

Speaker 1 and that he was just trying to wrap things up at work. But I can't get over the fact that he lied to me over and over while I was at home struggling to stay conscious.

Speaker 1 If my neighbor hadn't been there, I don't know what would have happened to me. I feel so betrayed.
If he could ignore me in a life-threatening situation, what does that say about our marriage?

Speaker 1 About our future, about our daughter's safety if something ever happens again. I don't know what to do.
Would you be able to trust your partner after something like this? No, I would be so betrayed.

Speaker 1 I,

Speaker 1 oh my God, I'm, I'm betrayed for her. I'm pissed.
This is unacceptable. And, and to the point too, the multiple lies, it's not just kind of like, oh, like I'm stuck in traffic.

Speaker 1 Like, it's like, like, oh, now I have to do that. Like, just all of those lies too in a row is

Speaker 1 that's that makes me think what else do you lie about just casually all the time?

Speaker 1 What? Yeah. Like,

Speaker 1 why would he lie? Why couldn't he be like, hey, babe, I'm tied up at work. Can you call the neighbor? Can you call your sister? Can you call your friend? Like, if you can't make it there, why lie?

Speaker 1 Why? Oh, I'm stuck in traffic. Oh, I have to stop and get gas.
Okay, that still shouldn't take you two hours. There is no can't make it there.
At some point, there's nothing more important.

Speaker 1 And work is the most ridiculous excuse. I don't care what you're in.
You're in the meeting with the CEO to, who cares? It becomes

Speaker 1 like all of that's irrelevant. Irrelevant.
This is crazy. And who's going to fault you?

Speaker 1 Hey, I have to run home and take my wife, right? Wife, in

Speaker 1 because she's having this crazy, serious health thing.

Speaker 1 No one.

Speaker 1 Who's going to be like, oh,

Speaker 1 you didn't finish that report yesterday? We lost the client. Like,

Speaker 1 who even cares? Like, a job is replaceable. A person, not so much.
People die from septic shock all the time.

Speaker 1 Like, it's not that far-fetched. And I know, like, some people could be devils advocating this and be like, well, why didn't she she call an ambulance?

Speaker 1 Well, if you live in the United States, ambulances aren't affordable for most people. Insurance, maybe she doesn't have it.
Like, yeah,

Speaker 1 and when your partner who you trust is telling you that they're about to be there, then why would you call an ambulance?

Speaker 1 Well, it probably you are supposed to trust them, that they're telling the truth. And you have a one-year-old.
Like, you have a baby. Yeah.
You're supposed to come home, help me.

Speaker 1 And so then take care of our baby. Like, it's not just like, oh, I can get myself in an ambulance.
It's like, okay, well, what about this little one? Like, you have a duty to your family.

Speaker 1 And for him to be like, well, I didn't know it was that bad. I'm telling you, it's that bad.
Believe me. I'm dizzy.
I can't sit up. I, I, come on.

Speaker 1 It always bothers me when people like don't believe people when they're not feeling well.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 if they're telling you that they're not well, believe them. Like, stop being like, oh, they're dramatic.
Like, no, believe them.

Speaker 1 That's all I got to say. Justin, I feel like you had something.

Speaker 1 I mean, there are certain certain situations in life, and we know the people that are kind of the crywolf people. Well, that's different.
If it's

Speaker 1 very different, but I'm just trying to see all sides where someone could,

Speaker 1 like him at his level that he's at right now, the low level, could make some argument. Well, you always say you feel crappy, and you always do this, but it's like

Speaker 1 if this isn't just the ultimate proof that you are just the biggest loser and not capable and not deservant of this person.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 I don't know what else there could be. Did you say deservant? Is that a word?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 If it's not, it should be. It's sounds pretty cool.

Speaker 1 Like, it reminds me of something that would be said in Game of Thrones. Anyway, sorry.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Apparently, it's a word. Wow.

Speaker 1 At least according to Wiktionary,

Speaker 1 we got our little wordy over over here. What does it mean?

Speaker 1 What do you mean? What does it mean? You just used it.

Speaker 1 Now I'm feeling like I did it wrong.

Speaker 1 Deservant may refer to a song by R.J. Merla.
Yeah, that's what you meant. Or a word that means worthy or merito.

Speaker 1 That's a big word by Elmo. Meritorious?

Speaker 1 Like of merit. Yeah, no, I think you nailed it.

Speaker 1 Look at you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 this is just the worst.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I have no more words for it.
Well, people in the comments sure do. They have a lot of words.
Top comment: Yeah, no, I couldn't do this either.

Speaker 1 If you had waited for him and had gone into septic shock and probably ultimately died, what would he have done then? That could have 100% been prevented if he just came home when you asked.

Speaker 1 He gives more loyalty to a job that will just replace him when it's his time over his wife, who he chose to to love in sickness and health

Speaker 1 crazy pretty much crazy we do have some comments from op because people had questions people had a lot of questions so the first question that op responds to is this i'm not sure if this even matters but was he panicked

Speaker 1 clearly not right

Speaker 1 definitely not did he come in realizing exactly how bad he screwed up was he terrified that something bad could have happened to you because he lied to you?

Speaker 1 Or was it just, oh, sorry, I didn't realize? If it was the second, we'd be done.

Speaker 1 If it was the first, definitely going to take a lot of work on his part to show that he is an honest, dependable partner who loves and cares for and will prioritize you and your daughter, and definitely counseling.

Speaker 1 OP responds:

Speaker 1 he acts like nothing happened. Oof, new chance.

Speaker 1 No guilt, no remorse. He just keeps making excuses and minimizing everything.

Speaker 1 He even told me I should have just gone to the hospital earlier with my neighbor instead of waiting around for him.

Speaker 1 But the only reason I waited was because he kept telling me he was on his way. I also didn't want to leave my baby with my elderly neighbor unless it was absolutely necessary.

Speaker 1 I would have such a hard time with this one. Like, I know that they're married with a brand new kid.

Speaker 1 And so I don't want to like like quickly be like divorced but i just genuinely knowing myself like it would be so hard for me to like move past this and we would have to go to therapy over it like he would need to have like to admit and understand what he did wrong fully

Speaker 1 before i could even consider moving past it it's another one that comes down to character yeah this doesn't feel like oh it's just a mistake this feels like no this is who you are it it's hard hard for me to separate those two because

Speaker 1 this can't be the first time

Speaker 1 that this like lack of caring has shown. There's no way.
And this might be the most extreme, life or death, but

Speaker 1 it'd be weird if everything was all perfect and he was the best partner and then something happens to you and he's just totally like, whatever, that was cool.

Speaker 1 Are you stable now? Cause I'm going to head back to the office. That's the energy it's giving.
There's a comment here that OP responds to. Someone says, he has shown you who he is.

Speaker 1 The decision is yours now. Is this a pattern or a one-off? And OP says, you could say it's a pattern, although the previous times were for much less important things.

Speaker 1 He has often put his work, his family, et cetera, before us.

Speaker 1 And someone comments back to that, you are his family too. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a couple other comments here I want to get into.

Speaker 1 It's just quite strange to me. Like, OP says, I needed someone to take care of my daughter.
That's why I was waiting for him.

Speaker 1 And I, someone was basically implying, like, why didn't you just call an ambulance? Also, I'm in a rural area and the ambulance takes just as long to arrive as he should have.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Also, like, why are we, why are we even like shaming her? Maybe it wasn't intended that way, but like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 So, someone goes, if you didn't tell him you needed to go to the hospital, you were kind of making a bigger deal than it needs to be.

Speaker 1 And I'm not saying you're wrong because I would be extremely pissed off, but your initial symptoms to me would have sounded like you simply just had the flu because that's exactly what I felt like when I had the flu right a week ago.

Speaker 1 And he might not have been taking it at that seriously. Now, if you had told him you needed to go to the hospital, that's a completely different situation to begin with.

Speaker 1 But to him, he's thinking you're probably just sick with a fever and have the flu, and he'll be home to take care of you at some point.

Speaker 1 No, it's not. You have a one-year-old, and if you're extremely sick, your partner needs to step up.
Like, there's

Speaker 1 even if she was like, I have the flu, like, well, if you have the flu, there's a one-year-old that needs to be taken care of. So, come the fuck home.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 So, OP responds to that. I told him I didn't want to say it because it's embarrassing, but I even ended up wetting myself because I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom.

Speaker 1 He knew that when he was lying saying he was about to arrive. Oh my God, you got to be kidding me.
Well, and so also, how old is she?

Speaker 1 She is 28. He's 32.

Speaker 1 Okay, let me tell you something about being 28.

Speaker 1 I think you've been around long enough to know the difference between, oh, I'm coming down with the cold or the flu versus no, I've never felt like this before, And this is something serious.

Speaker 1 I think we all would be able to determine that, even though there's outliers, yes, where it's like, it starts like that, and then it gets really crazy.

Speaker 1 But she knew from the start and she made it apparent from the start, I need you here. When your partner says, I need you here, you go.

Speaker 1 Because they're, if they think it's not necessary, they're not going to have you leave work if it's a big situation, like, oh, if I leave work, it's going to whatever.

Speaker 1 If they know that that's a big deal, they're not going to say, I need you here if it's not serious.

Speaker 1 And when your partner needs you, buck up, you go, get there.

Speaker 1 Well, you guys,

Speaker 1 we have an update on this one. Oh,

Speaker 1 we have an update. Let's hear it.

Speaker 1 Posted 10 days ago.

Speaker 1 I'm feeling better and finally back home after a few days in the hospital. A few days.

Speaker 1 Crazy. My parents came to pick up my daughter and take care of her while I was away.
They live four hours away, so I hadn't asked them for help earlier.

Speaker 1 I didn't really get an apology from him, just a bunch of excuses. He said he didn't think it was that serious, and I should have gone to the neighbor if it was really that bad.

Speaker 1 I didn't argue, not because I agree, but because some of the comments I got made me realize some things.

Speaker 1 People asked if I'm the type to cry wolf, and that's why he didn't come. In five years of being together, I've only ever needed him to take me to the hospital once when I gave birth to our daughter.

Speaker 1 He wasn't there when I was sick, and if he had come home, he probably wouldn't have done much, anyways, if it didn't need a hospital.

Speaker 1 But then someone asked me what I would do if it was our daughter in my position, and he acted the same way. That hit me hard.
And as dramatic as it sounds, I don't want to be with him anymore.

Speaker 1 I don't think I can ever trust him again. Yeah.
I've made an appointment with a lawyer, but of course, divorce takes time. I'm looking for an apartment, but the housing shortage is a nightmare.

Speaker 1 Since I live in a rural area, though, there's still hope. I haven't told him yet.
He's acting like nothing's wrong. So I'm doing the same.

Speaker 1 I even saw some comments suggesting that he might not have actually been at work, maybe

Speaker 1 using it as an excuse for something else. So one night while he was sleeping, I checked his phone.
I didn't find proof he wasn't at work, but I did find messages to women, multiple flirty ones.

Speaker 1 And a Tinder app.

Speaker 1 Wow. These messages have been going on for months.

Speaker 1 He's the worst. He is the absolute worst.
He was also sending TikToks to his friends while I was sick, laughing and joking around with no real concern for me.

Speaker 1 He told me his boss refused to give him time off. I found no evidence that he even asked for time off or discussed my condition with anyone.
And what a great job that would be.

Speaker 1 I'm starting to suspect he lied because if he really did ask, it would have been illegal for his boss to deny him leave where I live. Yeah.
At this point, I don't feel like confronting him.

Speaker 1 I just want out. Good.
I ignored the red flags before, the small lies, broken promises, and I shouldn't have. I thought he'd be there for me when it mattered most, but I guess I was naive.

Speaker 1 I never thought anyone could let me down like this. I'm not telling him I'm leaving until I'm ready, just like he didn't tell me he wasn't coming.
Ooh, a poetic ending. Ooh, I got the chills.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's totally justified. Oh,

Speaker 1 absolutely. I mean, like the way that she just brushes over the fact that he was basic, he was cheating.
Like he's, he's cheating, emotionally cheating at the very least. Yeah, exactly.
Tinder. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're married for three years. You have a one-year-old baby and you're on Tinder

Speaker 1 to make friends.

Speaker 1 This ain't bumble BFF, bitch.

Speaker 1 Come on. Oh, my gosh.
I just, I'm so happy for her. I'm so happy for her.
I downloaded it for a friend. A friend wanted to swipe on my phone.

Speaker 1 Insane. That's, I mean, that's what usually people say.
Some stupid shit. I mean, there's a few other comments from OP, basically just being like, he wouldn't have lost his job.

Speaker 1 We're very protected here. Honestly, I care less about the cheating than the fact he could have let me die and didn't care.

Speaker 1 And it's over. This is over.

Speaker 1 So over. If I was

Speaker 1 talking to my partner saying, I'm super sick. I just peed myself.
I'm dizzy. I can't move.
I can't get out of bed. And I found out they were sending their buddies TikToks and laughing while I'm nuts.

Speaker 1 Dying. Yeah.
Oh,

Speaker 1 oh my gosh. The rage I feel.
Yeah. My boyfriend

Speaker 1 literally, his mom went to the hospital and thought it was serious. And he was on the other side of the country and literally got like left work early and got on a flight.
and went straight there.

Speaker 1 That's what you do. That's what you do.

Speaker 1 Like, this is family. This is your wife.
Like,

Speaker 1 insane. Insane.
But again, happy she's getting out. And I think that is the best plan of action.
Like, stockpile some money, get your go bag ready and go when you are prepared. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Goofy.

Speaker 1 But thank you guys for teeing up this episode with me. A little bit of a different episode this week.
We are jumping in to three amazing guest co-hosts.

Speaker 1 We've got Chris Clemens, Michaela Oakland, and Spencer Hunt coming up. So enjoy the rest of this episode.
I'm so excited that you all are here.

Speaker 1 I appreciate you all so much and for being a part of this journey with us.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 don't feel like this is real life. I still am like, pinch me.
Like this is so insane. And I'm just, whoa, remember when you actually did and you got the delicate skin of my underarm?

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I'm just so thankful for each and every one of you. And I hope you love these stories coming up.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
Have a fun rest of the show. On to the next one.
Bye.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Redkin. Blondies, colored hair girlies, and stylers with heat.
Smooth and strengthen those locks with Redkin ABC.

Speaker 1 That's Redkin Acidic Bonding Concentrate Leave-In Treatment. The longer you leave it in, the better it feels.
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Speaker 1 So leave it in and repair those bonds with Redkin ABC. Shop Redkin ABC LeaveIn Treatment at ulta.com.
This episode of Two Hot Takes is presented by DiSerono.

Speaker 1 This holiday season, I'll be raising a glass with DiSerono, the world's favorite Italian liqueur. And mine.
DiSerono has been a holiday staple. The flavor it has is just so unique.

Speaker 1 Smooth almond, hint of vanilla. It's one of the only liqueurs I can actually just drink on the rocks.
It's sweet, but not overly sweet. It's just sophisticated.

Speaker 1 And to mark 500 years as an icon of the Italian Dolce Vita, DiSorono has released five limited edition bottles. Visit DiSorono.com to learn more.
Drink responsibly.

Speaker 1 1525, The Legend of DiSorono begins. Are you ready? I'm ready.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Our next magical act.

Speaker 1 Michaela Oakland, everyone.

Speaker 1 Hi.

Speaker 1 If you're new here, yeah, there's an occasional air horn or two. Not saying I'm good, but

Speaker 1 I thought it was a good air horn.

Speaker 1 I hope so. I hope.
You've never done sound effects, have you? No. Interesting.
I could see it. I could see it.
I'd love to play an animated animal.

Speaker 1 Or at a live show, I could see you like having control of like a sound effect thing and really going crazy with it. I should get a sound pad.

Speaker 1 That would be maybe now in this new era of two hot takes, we'll bring in a sound pad. That's the only change.

Speaker 1 Booze. You do this whole whole like rebranding thing, and it's just you added a soundtrack.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's it. Oh, and there's video on Spotify now

Speaker 1 and a sound pad. The sound pad, though, is what we're all here for, right?

Speaker 1 Michaela, we,

Speaker 1 how long have we been friends now? Like, I think

Speaker 1 since the pod pretty much started at least four years, what year was it?

Speaker 1 At least four years. It's crazy.
He was like right after COVID lockdown ended. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wild.

Speaker 1 Time flies. Yeah.
Time flies. You were living in a very different area of LA at that time.
I know. We've come so far.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You have a podcast with your friend Ellie. I do.
Plug it. Plug it.
So people, after they hear your takes, they can

Speaker 1 know where to find you. It's called Late Night Drive with Ellie and Michaela.
And it's on the places. But of course, we prefer Spotify.
Hey!

Speaker 1 Oh, it's such a fun podcast. I love the dynamic you two have.

Speaker 1 And as you guys will see as you get into the show, or if you're a regular, you know, Michaela's regular, and you will be seeing a lot more of her this year.

Speaker 1 Even more, like more, so much more. I'll be here in this chair.
It's going to be so good.

Speaker 1 I'm really excited to see what you think on these stories. I'm excited to hear them because you've had that like sinister giggle about at least one of them where I like know that you know it's good.

Speaker 1 So I'm excited about it. I

Speaker 1 am really excited. This one is just, I don't know.
I'm like scared to refresh because it's a very contentious. You will see.
Oh, wow. You're like, you think it'll get removed? Oh, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I think OPU might remove it. Wow.
So here we go.

Speaker 1 This is coming from A-I-T-A-H, six hours old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Posting My Friend's Story on Reddit as My Own and Accidentally Ruining Her Parents' Marriage? Oh,

Speaker 1 yep.

Speaker 1 Here we go, guys. Buckle up.

Speaker 1 Two months ago, my best friend, Valerie's boyfriend, Derek, began ghosting her upon meeting her parents. She was upset about this and came to me for advice.

Speaker 1 I'm not good at giving people advice and felt bad for not really being able to help her out. I'd seen many people asking Reddit for advice, and it seemed like the advice was genuinely really helpful.

Speaker 1 I considered suggesting my friend post it, but she does not use a lot of social media, so I thought it would be a good idea if I made the post as if it was my story and passed on some of the helpful feedback I got.

Speaker 1 Here is where I may be the asshole. I made the post, changed the names and some details to stay anonymous, and some of the advice was good.
I told her, and she took some of it.

Speaker 1 She spoke to her mom, who is a high school teacher, and she discovered that back when Derek, her boyfriend, was in high school, when he was 19,

Speaker 1 they slept together. Oh my god.
Valerie talked to Derek and they mutually broke up. My friend's mom told her that her father was aware of this and they worked it out.

Speaker 1 I got a lot of comments begging for updates. So I did since I didn't think there'd be any harm.
A couple of days ago, I woke up to a bunch of missed calls from Valerie.

Speaker 1 I called her back and she began yelling at me, asking if I had posted her story on the internet.

Speaker 1 I initially denied it until she sent me screenshots from my post and other screenshots from my account that proved it was mine. I confessed and tried to explain to her why I made the post.

Speaker 1 She was still angry and yelled at me, saying that my reasons were lousy and that I only made the post because I wanted attention and was jealous of her.

Speaker 1 I apologized for not asking for permission, but told her I was just trying to help and she shouldn't be so mad.

Speaker 1 I offered to take the post down, but she shouted, saying it was too late now, and hung up the call.

Speaker 1 She refused to talk to me, but after talking to mutual friends, I found out that Derek found my Reddit post and assumed it was Valerie's.

Speaker 1 She had him blocked, so he messaged her mom, asking her to tell Valerie to take down the posts and unblock him so they could talk about this.

Speaker 1 Valerie's dad saw the text from Derek, and turns out her mom had lied. Oh my god.
The dad had no idea.

Speaker 1 He read the story, and after a lot of denying, the mom eventually confessed. They're getting a divorce.

Speaker 1 Valerie's dad is really distraught and will be moving in with his brother a couple of states away. Valerie's mom called her, accusing her of posting the Reddit story and ruining her marriage.

Speaker 1 After being really confused, Valerie figured out the account was mine after looking through my other posts.

Speaker 1 Valerie is telling everyone that I ruined her family, and all of my friends think I am an asshole for posting her story, whether I had good intentions or not.

Speaker 1 I guess I shouldn't have made the post without asking, but I had genuinely good intentions, and I never thought that the post would be found by anyone involved.

Speaker 1 Also, I feel like the cheater is the one who ruined their family, not me.

Speaker 1 So, am I the asshole? I mean, it is.

Speaker 1 So, it is the cheater who ruined the family, and also in a creepy, like, predatory way, like that was the mom so the mom is a teacher I'm just gonna make sure I get these facts right because there's so many people involved and there are two story layers here so Valerie's mom was a teacher

Speaker 1 and while her mom was a teacher she had sex with Valerie's boyfriend who was in high school yep okay so she's definitely the biggest asshole out of this whole situation absolutely but I also think airing your friend's really personal drama online is a bad thing to do as well.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like that. And to give updates and like sort of just be in like the drama of it of like sharing those personal details.

Speaker 1 Like, I understand, I guess, if you're not super online, maybe you have a hard time knowing how many people can see things and like how viral things can get.

Speaker 1 And maybe they've never experienced something going viral, but you're still like.

Speaker 1 airing really, really personal business and like engaging it in a way that you didn't need to engage in it.

Speaker 1 And if it were me and I had good intentions originally posting, which I wouldn't do that, but like if I started seeing it blow up, that's probably another point where I'd be like, oh, wow, like this has a lot of views on it.

Speaker 1 Like I should, I should take this down. Yeah.
Instead of posting updates. Well, posting updates and then posting this post, reiterating everything that happened.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They didn't learn their lesson at all. No.
Yeah. Like, what just, I mean, you didn't have to give us a full rundown.
You could have been like, hey, I'm out of the asshole.

Speaker 1 I posted something about my friend's life to try to get advice, but it ended up getting out that, you know, it was out there and family's upset now.

Speaker 1 Like, I was just trying to be helpful, though, but like, blah, blah, blah. Like, you didn't need to re-air everything.
Right, right. You've once again now told everybody their business.

Speaker 1 Well, how does that make any sense? Oh, my God. I mean, the other layer of this story is insane, though.
Like,

Speaker 1 how is Valerie doing?

Speaker 1 Dude, because it's like she lost her boyfriend, boyfriend, found out her mom had an affair. Her mom is blaming her and now maybe cutting her off.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dad found out, getting divorced, so your parents are splitting up. Like,

Speaker 1 this is like earth-shattering. Yeah, her relationship with her mother, I don't like know how you come back from that.
I don't know if you can. I don't think you can.

Speaker 1 I'm looking at this person's account. Accounts as old as a year.
So it doesn't seem like this is just an account that was created to make this troll post, right? Right.

Speaker 1 That's how they could identify that they were the person who made this post because of other posts they'd made. Yep.

Speaker 1 And so looking at the other posts, there's one on R slash cat advice, seven months old. My cat is sick.
What can I do to make him happier and more comfortable?

Speaker 1 Posting in R slash Danny Gonzalez, Umbrella Academy subreddits.

Speaker 1 A lot of cat advice. That's pretty identifying.
Like, I understand why Valerie would be like, okay, it's pretty clear it's you based based on all this other stuff.

Speaker 1 Especially when you're sharing details, like my cat is around nine years old and he is really fat.

Speaker 1 The vet says he's not at the point where it's detrimental to his health yet, but he keeps gaining weight. Like, oh my God.
If my friend kept telling me,

Speaker 1 oh, my cat is getting really fat and I don't know what to do, on top of finding a post on their account that sounds like my life, I'd be like, Yeah, that's my life. A plus B equals C.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Quacks like a duck, walks like a duck.
It's a duck.

Speaker 1 Looking at the post, though, the original post that she posted asking for advice, two months old, titled, My 26 Female Boyfriend, 36 male, has started acting distant and ghosting me after meeting my parents, 49 male and 50 female, last week.

Speaker 1 How do I reach out to him? Wait, okay, so Valerie was still dating this boyfriend and he didn't know that her mom was a teacher who slept with him when he was in high school.

Speaker 1 Never met the parents yet. This original story is crazy.
Early relationship. I mean, so on.
Another layer is now her relationship with her boyfriend is fucked up. Yeah.
No, she's losing everybody.

Speaker 1 Dropping like flies. God.

Speaker 1 And it's, it's their age gap. I mean, a 10-year age gap.
Mom and him have a 14-year age gap. Like, boyfriend's age is kind of like in the middle of the, the two of them a little.
So

Speaker 1 I don't know. Like,

Speaker 1 there's always a risk. Like, if you started dating someone that is your dad's age, he could be friends with your dad.
Wait, how old is the boyfriend? 36. She's 26.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So I don't think he could be her dad, but you know what I mean? Yeah, that's still like a large age gap as well. Obviously, not nearly as consequential as like the difference between 19 and an adult.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Which is so insane. And also she's dealing with like, my mother is a predator and I can't look at her the same.
No.

Speaker 1 and even though, like, mom and maybe Derek is corroborating the story and saying, oh, yeah, I was 19 in high school. Yeah.
You're still a high school student. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you're supposed to be my teacher. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like that relationship. Yeah.
Inappropriate. And that age difference is inappropriate as well.
So it's like double, double whammy.

Speaker 1 Inappropriate. Oh my God.
But the original post like doesn't, I mean, the ages could be fake because she said she changed.

Speaker 1 But I mean, it's nothing like

Speaker 1 super crazy. My boyfriend Derek and I met through mutual friends six months ago and we immediately hit it off.
He's sweet, funny, kind, and just a generally good guy.

Speaker 1 He's super extroverted and I've never seen him dislike or not click with anyone. I mentioned him to my parents a couple of times and they said they were excited to meet him.

Speaker 1 My parents live a road trip away, so me and Derek had to book a hotel nearby. About two weeks ago, we dropped off all of our stuff in the hotel and arrived at my parents' house.

Speaker 1 My parents are the most welcoming people you'll ever meet. They have met some of my past significant others in the past and have always been warm and kind.

Speaker 1 Since both my parents and Derek are charismatic and welcoming, I thought that the dinner would go smoothly, but I was wrong. It didn't start off too bad.

Speaker 1 My parents and Derek seemed a bit awkward, but I assumed he was just nervous. We sat for dinner and my parents asked us a couple of questions.
How did we meet? How serious is the relationship?

Speaker 1 Etc., etc.

Speaker 1 I've never seen Derek stutter or hesitate before this dinner. Oh, God.
But he did. As soon as I finished eating, we thanked my parents for dinner and said we had to go.

Speaker 1 It felt like he was rushing to get out of the house. When we got to the hotel room, he ran to the bathroom and I heard him throw up.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 He said he felt sick and he was going to head back home, but he insisted I stayed and enjoyed the rest of the trip without him.

Speaker 1 I agreed since I really missed my parents and he seemed to want to be alone. I texted him a couple of times asking how he was doing, if he felt better, but he didn't reply.

Speaker 1 After two days passed, I started to get really worried that maybe he was really sick and had to go to the hospital or something. So I cut the trip short and headed back home.

Speaker 1 I went to his apartment and saw he was okay. I asked him how he was doing and why he wasn't replying, and he said he felt fine and that I was overreacting.

Speaker 1 He told me he still felt sick and he wanted to be alone. I went back home and texted him asking if I did anything wrong and if our relationship was okay since he was acting so weird and cold.

Speaker 1 A week has gone by since the text message, and he has not replied. Derek is the last person I'd expect to ghost me.
I'm torn between wanting to give him space and wanting answers.

Speaker 1 How do I reach out to him without pushing him further away?

Speaker 1 When did the revelation about why he was ignoring her? It was at the update to that, to that post.

Speaker 1 So the top comment on that post? Yeah. Ask your parents.
It sounds like they know each other or something.

Speaker 1 Something happened that you didn't see or something like that. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 I just got chills. Reddit was on it.
That's crazy. I, because I don't think I would have, I don't know what I would have thought if we'd heard that story first.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I guess I would have been like, it's kind of weird they're being so awkward, especially given his age.
Like if he's around 36, like it's not the first time meeting the parents.

Speaker 1 He's not a high schooler. Yeah.
Nervous. Like,

Speaker 1 like, do they, right? I don't, but I don't know if I would have been like, sounds like they know each other. Like, yeah, that's a job.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't, I don't know if I can say I would have guessed that. Yeah.
And my head.

Speaker 1 I maybe would have thought there was like a weird interaction that took place when I wasn't looking or something. Like, something weird was said or something.
Like, you, you hurt my daughter. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dead. Yeah.
Something. Yeah.
A dad joke comment that maybe read wrong or maybe there was a comment that was just wrong.

Speaker 1 But yeah, that is really interesting. Next comment down.
I think OP should tell her parents that she spoke to Derek, but now needs to hear their side of the story.

Speaker 1 Clearly, they have met previously, and there's a dodgy story to be told. Getting to the truth might require OP bluffing that she already knows.

Speaker 1 These people are geniuses. They should be in Mensa.

Speaker 1 What the heck? Next comment down: either he slept with mom before,

Speaker 1 or they had a threesome.

Speaker 1 The dad's like, why am I in it?

Speaker 1 Or he slept with dad.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude.

Speaker 1 That might have been what I thought, actually. Slept with dad.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 he took a cab home.

Speaker 1 It was a four to five hour drive. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck takes a cab? He really wanted to get away. Yeah.
I mean, I will say I took an Uber from San Diego to LA once, so I get it. Yeah.
Someone ate my Taco Bell. I was really upset.

Speaker 1 Wait, you took a technical cab because someone took your, ate your Taco Bell? Yeah. It was my last straw.
Things weren't going well that night. And they ate my Taco Bell.

Speaker 1 I think it was a chicken chalupa. I was pissed.
So you're like, I can't take on a drive right now. Nope.
I'm done. Well, I didn't have a car.
We road tripped together. Oh, carpooled.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I called a new bar. I was like, I'm out of here.
Yeah. I'm done.

Speaker 1 Not my chicken chalupa. Did you throw up, though? Did you throw up? I didn't throw up.
Probably not.

Speaker 1 And that is crazy for him him to like walk into the hotel no that's so sad and be so stressed he's puking a couple times yeah that really that's heartbreaking actually yeah

Speaker 1 op does you know give that update fake op right yeah hey sorry i didn't reply most of the comments were just saying that derek was secretly my brother which is horrifying so i wasn't sure how to reply and then they go on and share the update that like I talked to my mom

Speaker 1 and told her Derek's reaction was weird after dinner. I asked her for advice or if she knew what happened.
She was silent for a moment and I heard her start crying.

Speaker 1 She started apologizing and I didn't understand what she was trying to tell me at first. Eventually I got her to calm down.
She told me what happened.

Speaker 1 My mom is a high school teacher and apparently Derek was a student in his senior year and she told me that they had an affair. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 She didn't give me many details. Honestly, I don't even want to know.

Speaker 1 All she said is that they only slept together once before she shut it down and that my father knew and they had attended couples counseling years ago to work through this.

Speaker 1 I wonder, is it possible that the top comments like retroactively got more attention now that people were like, wait, they were right? They could have. Yeah, it definitely could have shifted.

Speaker 1 Um, but let me just make sure that those comments were from like the same time period, you know? Yeah,

Speaker 1 those comments are all two months old. Wow, so as old as the post before this update, six hours ago, yeah.

Speaker 1 Do we know if Derek like threw up because

Speaker 1 he

Speaker 1 has like had negative like violated type feelings about this woman the whole time? Or if it was just the stress of like oh mentioned, yeah. No mention, no mention in

Speaker 1 the update I see,

Speaker 1 which is probably for the best because that wasn't this person's information to share in the first place. Like,

Speaker 1 yeah, there's not much about Derek's side,

Speaker 1 but in the update, which again is not even coming from the person it should be,

Speaker 1 I went to Derek's apartment again and he invited me in. He said he had to tell me something, but I stopped him and told him that I already talked to my mom and I knew everything.

Speaker 1 He promised me he had no idea up until the point we had come over for dinner where he immediately recognized her.

Speaker 1 He apologized for ghosting me and said he just didn't know what to say and he was scared that he would ruin my relationship with my parents or maybe ruin their marriage.

Speaker 1 I forgave him, but I told him the whole situation was just too messy for me and we agreed. So yeah, that's how my past few days have gone down.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I do kind of miss Derek, but not too much since the whole banging my mom thing is a massive turnoff. That's a crazy thing for someone who isn't her to be saying.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I missed him typing like gossip girl. Honestly, I missed Derek, but he banged my mom.
So

Speaker 1 that's not you. That's not you.
No, it wasn't you. It didn't happen to you.
And this is where I'm like, you are the biggest asshole.

Speaker 1 I also think it's one thing to post like the general post for advice.

Speaker 1 Maybe you could have left out more details, but then give people an update. And now you're posting again to ask people, are you the asshole for posting the post and the update? It's ironic.

Speaker 1 It's like, come on, this was the original problem. Was you oversharing? And now you're doing it again.
I think this person really gets off on

Speaker 1 there's like an addiction to this now, the attention. There's something that this person doesn't get in their life that they're getting from people.

Speaker 1 Give me an update. I mean, when these stories blow up on Reddit, you'll see OPs come out later in updates saying, like, hey, I got hundreds of DMs.
I got

Speaker 1 all these people asking for updates. So for someone that doesn't, you know, get that a lot in their life,

Speaker 1 it would probably feel really good. Yeah.
For people to like care so much about your stories and like what's going on. To be so invested.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. That's so insane.

Speaker 1 I, that, I, I'm sure there are other stories that you've read that were instances of people kind of submitting on behalf of someone else and like doing something similar to that.

Speaker 1 They're usually very clear at the start of the post, though. Yeah, but like people who've gotten away with it, maybe.

Speaker 1 But I wonder how often the actual person finds out because like there's like your podcast or there's like

Speaker 1 things that go viral on Facebook. Like they reach like different corners of the, like there are Instagram accounts that post the stories.
Like it reaches all these corners of the internet.

Speaker 1 And I, for everything that Valerie was going through, like with her parents' marriage, with her relationship with her boyfriend, with her relationship with her mother, to then be like, and now my friend is also like sharing these private details online.

Speaker 1 After you found out why Derek ghosted your friend,

Speaker 1 don't you think, holy shit. Yeah, this is so big.
This is so big.

Speaker 1 I'm. That's such an invasion of privacy now for me to post an update.
Absolutely. Like at so many points.
That to me just screams like this.

Speaker 1 This person genuinely needs to start talking to someone, a therapist, and like really evaluate why they felt it was acceptable to do this.

Speaker 1 Because, like, if my friend told me something in confidence, which this was, this person probably wasn't going to tell everyone why her and Derek broke up. Obviously.
Yeah. Like, it's embarrassing.

Speaker 1 Like, that's so embarrassing. You don't want people knowing that.

Speaker 1 No. It's so personal.
So I'm like,

Speaker 1 the fact she told you this in such confidence and you violated her trust as a friend.

Speaker 1 And why does that mean more to you? Like, why do all of these people asking you about a story that's not even yours mean more to you than an actual friend in your real life? I know.

Speaker 1 Who was leaning on you in this moment? I think that's the worst moment of her life. Literally the worst.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I mean, you know, I am in a way like the dad did deserve to know the truth. Right.
I wish the mom wouldn't have lied and said, yeah, he knows we went through therapy. Like,

Speaker 1 because your daughter could have still, like, as would have still probably brought it up to him and been like, how do you feel about this whole situation?

Speaker 1 Because the mom couldn't have been like, don't bring it up to your father, though.

Speaker 1 It would have come up at some point. I think so.
Even if the dad asked, like, hey, why did you and Derek break up? Yeah. Because then it would be like,

Speaker 1 what do you know why? Mom didn't tell you Derek is the same Derek? And you'd be like, what, what do you mean? That's who mom slept with. Like, it could have so so easily came out regardless, but

Speaker 1 I also doubt it was a one-off with the mom sleeping with one student. Like, come on.

Speaker 1 Gross. You're.
If you literally.

Speaker 1 How old was the mom when that happened? What's the math on that? At least.

Speaker 1 Mom is 50. Derek is 36.
He was 19 at the time. So 18 years ago-ish.

Speaker 1 Okay, 50 minus 18-ish.

Speaker 1 You're going to find out something real fast, guys. 32? We're not good at math.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Which the first, the initial number might have been wrong. It might have not been.
It's 30, 31 through 33.

Speaker 1 Give or take when your birthday is, and if you're a Pisces or Sagittarius. Could easily pull out a calculator, but you guys know that there's the gist.

Speaker 1 And yeah, someone's yelling the number at their phone or screen now,

Speaker 1 regardless. Like

Speaker 1 an adult. Yeah.
I'm 31 on Tuesday.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 look at high schoolers because my fiancé's got step siblings that are in high school

Speaker 1 and they're driving, they're 16, 17, 18. Like, they look like babies.
Even college students look very young to me.

Speaker 1 When I see like videos of like frat, frat parties now or like sorority recruitment and stuff like that, like those are babies. I wouldn't date a 22-year-old.

Speaker 1 I was on a dating app. I started at like 23, and I was like, oh, that's even cutting it.
Like, I mean, I'm 28.

Speaker 1 That's cutting it close. Like, what? Five-year age, Cabikayla? How dare you? Yeah, I was like, when I see, yeah, I haven't, I haven't dated anyone that much younger than me.

Speaker 1 Only dated people who are older than me. No, but like,

Speaker 1 so, like, add in the layer, right? Where this mom was 32, yeah, high school kid, high school child,

Speaker 1 and you're a teacher, you're his teacher.

Speaker 1 Don't didn't, didn't, did you not take an oath? I will not sleep with my students. And like to be even turned on in that environment is just like you have something morally bankrupt inside of you.

Speaker 1 It's just predatory. You're in a high school environment.
Not okay. Why is that kid who like

Speaker 1 your parents are like trusting you? Those children are trusting you. Like you're in this position.
Yeah. Everyone.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm glad that she was found out, but it wasn't because of this guy's post that she was found out. No.
No.

Speaker 1 And I get the intention of the first one, but you should have stopped there. Yeah.
You should probably have never gone there, but you definitely shouldn't have updated. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this new update post that summarizes everything again. Right.
And you decided to make yet another Reddit post about it. Insane.
Let's just be clear about something, says another user.

Speaker 1 You don't have the fucking right to out people without their permission.

Speaker 1 You took away their agency. Now you continue to compound the problem by seeking even more attention.

Speaker 1 Next comment. You're the asshole.
You betrayed Valerie's trust, lied, and exposed her family's secret. Own it, apologize, and don't expect forgiveness.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's tough. Bad news, but

Speaker 1 if someone,

Speaker 1 if someone went on Reddit about like an innocuous story that was someone else's asking for advice on behalf of their friend, do you think it could ever be okay?

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 1 no, because then you would have the friend's permission if it's okay, you know?

Speaker 1 Even if it's like not as intimate as this story. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like otherwise you would just talk to your friend about it and be like, I'm going to make a post on Reddit and I'm going to ask their opinions.

Speaker 1 And then they would either say that's okay or that's not okay. And a lot of people do that.

Speaker 1 Or, like, I understand if it's a conflict that directly involves you, because we'll have that a lot where it's like, am I the asshole like for doing this? And it's like, well, yeah, or no.

Speaker 1 And then once the person gets a no, they'll send the post to the other people involved. Right.
But it directly, it was them. It was their issue.
They were hurt. They were X, Y, Z.

Speaker 1 So it's like, it's so different. Yeah, absolutely.
You're the asshole, OP. Yeah.
And just because another asshole exists in this scenario doesn't mean you're like free of becoming an an asshole too.

Speaker 1 Crazy.

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 So crazy. Wow, that was a good one, Morgan.

Speaker 1 I hope so. Yeah, that was a good one.
I hope you guys like it. Okay, our next one for you.

Speaker 1 This is coming from A-I-T-A-H, three hours old. I haven't read it.
Wow.

Speaker 1 I was looking for a fresh story for us because I was like, I've got a lot of tabs open, but like nothing's really exciting me, exciting me.

Speaker 1 I think this one's going to be insane. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Point Blank Refusing to Be My Sister's Surrogate? Because it would ruin my mommy makeover.

Speaker 1 Maybe there's a better forum for this. I don't know.
I, 36 female, have had two kids, eight male and five female, and knew after my daughter was born that I was done.

Speaker 1 I had my tubes removed, and then last year I went and had some very expensive surgery to get rid of saggy, scarred skin after years of body changes from pregnancy and breastfeeding and weight loss.

Speaker 1 I finally feel more confident in how I look again, and I have zero desire to put my body through another pregnancy.

Speaker 1 My older sister, 40 female, got married last year, but just recently found out she likely won't be able to carry a pregnancy to term due to her very short cervix.

Speaker 1 It's obviously devastating for her and her husband, who is a sound guy, and I do feel for them.

Speaker 1 But instead of looking into other options, she cornered me in our parents' house on Sunday and asked me to be her surrogate. Not if I'd consider it, but as if it was the natural solution.

Speaker 1 Before I could reply, she listed her reasons, like that I've already been pregnant twice, so clearly my parts work, and it shouldn't be a big issue for me to do it again.

Speaker 1 I tried to be nice about it and said no, that I had my tubes removed for a reason. I don't want to go through pregnancy again.
I don't want to undo everything I've done to feel good in my body again.

Speaker 1 I just don't want to. Also, I'm 36 now, which isn't 40, but is quite different to being pregnant in your 20s and early 30s.

Speaker 1 She did not take it well. She was upset, saying it wasn't fair that I...

Speaker 1 already got to be a mom and I should want to help her have the same happiness, even if it meant having the surgery redone in the future, and that she would do it for me in a heartbeat.

Speaker 1 I get that she's having a hard time, but it isn't my fault she has a short cervix. And I don't think she fully understands how difficult the recovery after my surgery was.

Speaker 1 She went crying to my parents after I left, and they are involved now, too.

Speaker 1 My mother notably said,

Speaker 1 You'll get through another pregnancy, but your sister may never get over not being a mom.

Speaker 1 She also pointed out that she sacrificed her nice figure to bring us into the world.

Speaker 1 I saw red at that one and reminded her that she wouldn't even take my kids for a week or so while I was recovering last year because she said she was done plain mommy when Danny left home.

Speaker 1 Danny is our younger brother, 28 male, if that's relevant. So she's obviously not that self-sacrificing.
She also said at the time my surgery was pure vanity and a waste of money.

Speaker 1 My husband is conflict averse, so was neutral initially, saying it was my decision, but he can see the tensions it's causing.

Speaker 1 So even he's saying that maybe we should look into it and see what's involved so we can make an informed decision. And I'm like, there is no we

Speaker 1 in this.

Speaker 1 He says, quote, okay, so then you can make an informed decision. That was a couple of days ago.
And then my sister brought it up again there today. And I was very blunt with her this time.

Speaker 1 I told her there was no way in hell I was doing this. And then she called me a selfish bitch.

Speaker 1 So, Reddit, am I the asshole for refusing to be my sister's surrogate without even looking into it? I'm not even sure what the laws around it are where we live.

Speaker 1 It's never even crossed my radar before this week. I think legally I would be listed as the child's mother.
Am I the asshole?

Speaker 1 Why is everyone like dehumanizing her? They're treating her like an object, like just a vessel for like giving birth to things. An incubator a little bit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Which like is already can be an issue with surrogacy, but like in this instance, it's really an issue. Like, I,

Speaker 1 why are the parents saying that too? And then they're also acting like the only reason she doesn't want to do it is like a vain reason. When it's like, no, actually,

Speaker 1 it's a thing I have to do to my, like, I had surgeries. Like, it's not just about my looks.
Even if it was, it wouldn't matter. Like, it's still my choice.
It's my body.

Speaker 1 You know, and I feel like everyone's kind of treating this as like, oh, pregnancy is a walk in the park. Yeah.
No complications, no risk factors. Yeah.
No potential for death.

Speaker 1 or losing your teeth or breaking bones like ribs and like just because she's had two

Speaker 1 good pregnancies successful pregnancies, doesn't mean this third one is going to be that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, there's no mention of like maybe she had terrible morning sickness or, you know, hyperimesis gravidarum, like where she was throwing up all the time.

Speaker 1 Like, we have no idea what she actually went through and she had her tubes tied. So clearly it wasn't a great experience.
She was done after her daughter. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I just think it's crazy that they're like almost like, yeah, adding that vanity aspect to be like, oh, you're so vain. You're so vain.
Yeah. Pregnancy is not a walk in the park.

Speaker 1 Even if the sister had had a pregnancy herself so that she could say, I would do the same for you with, like, you know, an authority on the subject, you still can't base other people's actions off of what you would do for them.

Speaker 1 And I feel like that can be the cause of a lot of conflicts of like, oh, well, if I were in this situation, I would act this way.

Speaker 1 So if they don't do it, that means they're like not as good of a person as I am, or they don't care about me as much as I care about them. It's just not how humans work.

Speaker 1 Like, you can't just assume that the same things that you would do is what everyone else would do. Otherwise, they're not as good of a person as you.
It's beyond strange.

Speaker 1 We do have a couple comments from OP, okay?

Speaker 1 There's one here, which I think the legality of this is really interesting to me.

Speaker 1 So, OP responds to someone, and she was like, I probably should have looked it up earlier, but I just looked it up now. And I think professional surrogacy is illegal here.

Speaker 1 It's a bit unclear because there was meant to be a new law, but it hasn't been enacted yet. And I was like, I didn't even think surrogacy would be illegal anywhere, but it is.

Speaker 1 It's legal in some countries and states, including Italy, France, Germany, and Nebraska. Wow.

Speaker 1 So maybe they're in Nebraska. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The UK prohibits commercial surrogacy.

Speaker 1 Spain bans all forms of surrogacy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it's tough because surrogacy can be a beautiful thing, but sometimes I see like the way the Kardashians are using it, and I'm like, I don't, that seems

Speaker 1 it can be really,

Speaker 1 really complex and complicated.

Speaker 1 And I know there's some people that will like use their egg, they'll give their egg to the person they're being a surrogate for, and then use their other partners, like sperm.

Speaker 1 And so it's like, there's so many different complexities of it, but it sounds like this, it would be the sister's egg, her husband's sperm.

Speaker 1 But OP also adds this: voluntary surrogacy is legal. I think it just has to be registered in advance.
But no, I've just spent 20 minutes reading about it, and our laws seem very backwards.

Speaker 1 So, legally, I would be the child's mother, and I think my husband would legally be considered the child's father, even if we used my sister's and her husband's embryo.

Speaker 1 They would also have to adopt their own biological child, which is mad when you think about it. Yeah, that's crazy.
I'm just shocked that, like, nobody was on her side.

Speaker 1 Like, even her husband was kind of like unsupportive about it. I think that concerned me the most.
Yeah. Like, I would want my partner to be like,

Speaker 1 they want you to, you don't want to do it? Okay, end of conversation. Right.
There's no need to even go further. Like, if you don't want to do it, yeah.
What's no, we're fine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If they simply asked, if they simply asked, it's fine to, you know, be like, think about it or whatever. Not the husband, but like, yeah.

Speaker 1 it's it's just the way they went about it is the worst possible way of going about it, like, assuming she would do it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm bewildered. And the comments.
Do they agree with us? They do. Thank God.
Top comment, not the asshole. Your body, your choice.
No, is a simple answer. Yeah.
Next comment down, which I love.

Speaker 1 Tell your mom that if it is so easy and simple, she can do it.

Speaker 1 Your body, your choice. She is the selfish bitch because she wants what she wants and to hell with anyone who opposes her.

Speaker 1 Which

Speaker 1 I have seen some Facebook posts of people's moms being their surrogate. Oh, wow.
So I know you can do it. Are there greater risks? I would assume so, but.

Speaker 1 And then if she says no, you'd say, well, why do you care so much about like how you look? You're so vain. You're 60.
It's also a year of her life. Like,

Speaker 1 no wine, no sushi, no cold meats from the deli,

Speaker 1 no roller coasters, no all kinds of things, yeah. It's very limiting for people, and to not even, yeah, not even to ask, just assume that's

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a comment here from someone. A colleague of my sister's was the gestational surrogate for her own grandchild.
Grandma can indeed do it, even if she is post-menopausal.

Speaker 1 Okay, so, because it's different because it doesn't need to be your own eggs. So like, I guess you could be a surrogate for longer than you could give birth to your own child.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm gathering here. Wow, I had no idea.
I'm learning a lot. I know.
Stories. I know.
I really,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'm like, would I? I'd let my sister-in-law.
I would actually, I'd let. It would be a gift if my sister-in-law would be a surrogate for me, but my brother won't let her.

Speaker 1 She gets cranky when pregnant. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I'm like, I don't know if I'd want my mom to. I'm like, she's, she's been through enough.
She's been through enough. She's had Bell's palsy.
She's had just long COVID stuff.

Speaker 1 I'm like, she's off the hook, but yeah. I'm like, if grandma's going to talk the talk and say you're selfish, why don't you do it, mom?

Speaker 1 They might just have to briefly move somewhere that surrogacy, it's sounds like everywhere else in the United States, it's legal and like a lot of other places

Speaker 1 in Europe, it's probably legal as well. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And there's people that want to be surrogates. Yeah.
There's agencies for this. There's ways to do it where it feels very ethical.
And you have the contracts. You have the legal support.

Speaker 1 No one's getting screwed. No baby's getting stolen.
Like, there's a right way to do this. And it's not forcing your sister to.
No. So, yeah.
Not the asshole. God.

Speaker 1 We do have.

Speaker 1 An update on this one. Wow.
What is it? A little bit of an edit. Edit.
I'm reading the comments, but I can't keep up with them all. The general consensus seems to be that I'm not the asshole.

Speaker 1 So thank you for that. I was beginning to feel like I was in the Twilight Zone or something.

Speaker 1 To the people who mentioned Kurglage, I don't know if that's an option for her, but I'll suggest she talk to her doctor about it or she gets a second opinion.

Speaker 1 I might let it all cool down for a while first. I've looked into the laws around surrogacy here since posting, and paid surrogacy is definitely illegal here.

Speaker 1 Voluntary surrogacy is allowed, but the the birth mother is listed as the mother. And if she's married, her husband is listed as the father, even if it's not their embryo.
Wow.

Speaker 1 So, if my sister goes down the surrogate route, she would have to adopt her own biological child.

Speaker 1 And until then, the surrogate is the legal mother with all a mother's rights and responsibilities, which seems mad, but all the more reason not to do it as far as I'm concerned.

Speaker 1 That's insane. Yeah.
On your birth certificate, your aunt would be your mom. I still can't get over that.
But

Speaker 1 wow, what a crazy story. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't think I would be a surrogate for anybody, even if I like loved them a lot. I love people a lot, but I don't want to do that.

Speaker 1 And I think that that's a fair choice to be able to make for yourself. So fair.
So fair. There's so many people out there that never want to be pregnant.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm in the boat of like, I do want kids, but like, I am really scared to be pregnant. It's not something I've like dreamed about.
And

Speaker 1 I don't have this.

Speaker 1 I don't know. And it's weird because like when you tell people that, people

Speaker 1 always say, oh no, it's so different when you become pregnant. Like you'll never know what love is like until you're pregnant.
And it's just like,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I think I got a firm concept on love.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it's, it's a risk. It's scary.
Yeah. People being able to like be a little 3D printer and make another, like, I know it's biology, this science, it's whatever, but it is really, it's magical.

Speaker 1 It is insane.

Speaker 1 Insane. Michaela, thank you so, so much for joining me.
Of course.

Speaker 1 Those were so good. I hope so.
We're going to have to like make sure everyone gets a chance to tell us the favorite story on this

Speaker 1 very special theme. Still, I know we were just talking.
I was like, I don't know what to call it yet. It's like a smorgasbord of stories and people.
That's that's a good smorgasborg of stories.

Speaker 1 Smorgesborg. Smorgasborg of stories.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe there's something. You're going to come up with something amazing.
I hope so. And all of you know that because you're seeing it right now in front of your faces.
It's going to be good.

Speaker 1 But where can people find you? I'm Michaela. Michaela Oakland on Instagram, and I have a podcast called Late Night Drive.
Amazing. All of Michaela's links will be in the description.

Speaker 1 Be sure to check her out. On to our next guest.
Here we go. Hi.

Speaker 1 Hi. Hi.

Speaker 1 How are you doing? I'm good. Are you ready to be back today? I am.
I've been waiting. Let's wait.

Speaker 1 I've been having my moment.

Speaker 1 I feel like I have a lot of um opinions i'd like to share oh i'm ready for them all i literally every time i see that you like upload a youtube video that i'm in i immediately run to the comment section and i'm like are people agreeing with me and nine out of ten times people are so nine out of ten is great odds yeah i i think i'm i think i'm doing pretty like fair

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Nordstrom. Oh, what fun.
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Speaker 1 Try Spotify Portal at backstage.spotify.com. We're in the two hot takes game.
Okay, friends, there we go. These next couple of stories, I'll be joined by Spence Wa.
Hi. Spencer Hunt.
Have you on?

Speaker 1 Spencer, you have just, I feel like you're just a magical person. You started in Starbucks and doing TikToks that way.
Yeah. You're now getting your big break in the Hollywood lights, going in movies,

Speaker 1 TV shows. If anyone's casting,

Speaker 1 yes, please. Hi, my name is Spencer Hunt.
I

Speaker 1 have a plethora of characters I can provide.

Speaker 1 Do you want to do one quick? I'm so curious.

Speaker 1 I'm just talking out of my ass.

Speaker 1 I was like, wait. I,

Speaker 1 um, the Meisner method, acting method, um,

Speaker 1 again, throwing out random names. Um, you're on it.
You're just the moral of the story is Spencer is on it. Always, always on it.

Speaker 1 And I have a feeling you're going to be on it for these next couple stories. I think I will be too.
Okay. This first one is coming from Am I the Asshole, only a day old.

Speaker 1 Oh, are there any like comments under it? There's a couple. Got it, got it.
The title is Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Let My Girlfriend Bring Her Dead Dog's Ashes on Vacation?

Speaker 1 Hmm.

Speaker 1 On mobile, sorry for any formatting errors. My girlfriend, 29 female, and I, 28 male, have been together for four months.
She had a dog that died a few months before we met.

Speaker 1 I have only ever spent the night at her place. I live with my sister and her two kids, so it's a little chaotic at my place.

Speaker 1 Girlfriend has a small two to three inch tall urn on her bedside table with the dog's ashes.

Speaker 1 Before she turns off her lamp to go to sleep, she always gives it a little tap at the top and says, Good night, as though she is talking to the dog. I think it's weird, but I've never said anything.

Speaker 1 We were supposed to go away for the weekend. On Friday, I was watching her pack and noticed she took the urn and put it in the top pocket of her backpack.
I asked what she was doing.

Speaker 1 She said she didn't want to, quote, leave the dog behind. I told her she was not allowed to bring the urn as it made me very uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 I didn't want to see it anytime we returned to our hotel room. I didn't want her talking to her dead dog after we've had sex, i.e., before we go to sleep.
It's weird.

Speaker 1 And frankly, she's been mourning for this dog too long. She didn't argue.
She simply started to unpack her bag. She told me to have fun on the weekend getaway as she would not be coming.

Speaker 1 I asked if she was seriously choosing a dog's ashes over me. She said she was choosing herself over me, as I could have spoken to her with kindness and empathy, but didn't.

Speaker 1 She also said that I didn't get to dictate how long she's allowed to grieve. Then she asked me to leave.
She hasn't replied to my text. I think she's overreacting.

Speaker 1 My sister said she can see both of our sides. Am I an asshole for thinking my girlfriend is weird for being so attached to her dead dog's ashes?

Speaker 1 I think so attached would be like

Speaker 1 if I were to carry around the urn to the store, to the bank and bring it everywhere with me. I don't see a problem with the way people mourn over animals.

Speaker 1 Has he ever had an animal before? Like, I don't think, because It takes a while, especially if that's like her first dog on her own.

Speaker 1 And also, who the hell are you? Why are you telling her whether or not she can bring the urn, first of all? Second of all,

Speaker 1 it doesn't really affect you whatsoever. Like, who the hell cares if she's saying goodnight to an urn before she goes to sleep? Like, how is that affecting you in any way, shape, or form?

Speaker 1 It kind of to me sounds like you're nitpicking and you're finding a problem for something that really is not a problem at all. So, yeah, I do think you're the asshole.
It just feels very controlling.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I get it's kind of goofy, right?

Speaker 1 Like, maybe if they're flying, like, if they have a seven-hour flight and, you know, you're going through customs or like things like that, then it might be a little interesting because I know there's, there's certain rules to even have ashes in an urn on airplanes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So that might be a little more difficult, but it sounded like they were driving in a car

Speaker 1 and it was just for a little weekend.

Speaker 1 If I were her, I'd be scared that, like, if I left it in the hotel, something's going to happen to it. But she doesn't care.
She's willing to take that risk.

Speaker 1 And for him to be, like, judging her, it's like, she's been doing it at home. For the past four months, you've been dating her.
And all of a sudden, a weekend away is where your foot goes down.

Speaker 1 That's where you draw the line. That, like, what's the difference? I also.
She's doing it. Kudos to her, too, for being, for saying,

Speaker 1 or like, I guess the way she framed it when she said, I'm not going because I'm choosing me over you treating me this way so smart because that is like that's so

Speaker 1 I think he's upset that she set a boundary that's what it sounds like to me she set a boundary she said hey like you are not to tell me how I'm supposed to mourn everybody mourns differently maybe have a little empathy like that's how I feel like I it it It would it is not hard to understand where she's coming from when you look at it from an empathetic standpoint.

Speaker 1 And I feel like like her saying, Hey, the way you even approach this, saying that it's weird and it makes you uncomfortable, like, that's fine if it makes you uncomfortable, but don't call me weird for it.

Speaker 1 One, and two, maybe approach it differently. Like, you're seeing I'm packing my bag, you're seeing that I already put it in there.
Like, who, why, instead of judging me, maybe try to level with me?

Speaker 1 Because it seems like he didn't really try to level with her in any way and say, like, hey, do you think this and the third? Or is there any compromise we can make?

Speaker 1 He literally was like, no, don't bring it. I think it's also, it's clearly a source of comfort for her.
And I think there's compromises to be made if this is like a big issue for you.

Speaker 1 Like for me, when my cousin passed away, my aunt gave me some of his ashes in like a necklace. Yeah.
Something like that could be really, really meaningful for her.

Speaker 1 And I think there's different like little things or like I know some people have like put their dog's ashes into a ring and then you like pour resin over it. So it's like a like a thing.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 I just saw TikTok on this. So, I'm like, there's other beautiful ways, but like, she doesn't have that yet.
You're not offering that compromise. You're literally just judging her.
And it's like,

Speaker 1 okay, we do judge our partners here and there. Like, sometimes they give us the ick, whatever.
But to feel judged so harshly, so early on, and then, like you said, like it was about the empathy.

Speaker 1 Like, she stood her ground and was like, I'm not going to be talked to this way. I just think he approached this

Speaker 1 so wrong, even if, you know, maybe this is a little unusual.

Speaker 1 But the approach here is, he's an asshole for the approach.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think if I were to approach it in any way, I'd probably be like, do you think it would be feasible for me to get you like even a small vial? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like even if you got a little vial, sprinkled some of your dog's ashes in there, even I know people. You can get like a vial necklace.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And just like, he's like, hey, I know the trip is coming this weekend. I understand that you love your dog and I'm, again, so sorry for your loss.

Speaker 1 However, do you think it would be more feasible on this trip instead of taking the entire urn if you put it in this necklace I got you?

Speaker 1 That way it comes across as like, hey, I'm giving you a gift and it's like a compromise versus a whole like in your face, don't do, like, don't bring it. I'm uncomfortable.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think that's what it needs to be. We have a lot of comments from people on Reddit and OP responding to people.
So there's one comment here. It did get downvoted 612 times.
Oh.

Speaker 1 But someone says, You aren't the asshole. And I think it's really fucking weird to travel with ashes.
Dodged a bullet, in my opinion. You could have used nicer words, though.

Speaker 1 I think that person's a fucking asshole. OP responds.
I don't think I dodged a bullet. She is a wonderful woman.

Speaker 1 I just didn't want to have a reminder of a dead dog while we were supposed to have a fun and relaxing time.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Yep. I think his resp see, like the way he responded there was reasonable.
At least he's not throwing her under the bus.

Speaker 1 But he's also like kind of, I don't know, he gets downvoted a bunch for these comments, but he's, he's kind of like trying to provide context to make what he said and did more valid, but it's, it's, it's not worth it.

Speaker 1 It doesn't stick. Yeah.
So he's talking about the dog and like context of the dog. She only had the dog for a few years.
This wasn't a family pet. She rescued the dog and it died a few years later.

Speaker 1 She had only known the dog for a few years. I think it was eight or nine when it died.
It was diagnosed with cancer and died a couple of weeks later.

Speaker 1 What is wrong with you, sir? Is that supposed to make this fucking better? Better at all? You just said she had.

Speaker 1 Imagine

Speaker 1 nothing for me. Yeah, imagine you take care of a dog that you rescued for years.

Speaker 1 You take care of this dog, take it on as your own. pets are like family like if anything were to ever happen to my cats please i'm not joking put me down like

Speaker 1 i can't imagine like cats gone take me out good thing cats live a little longer than dogs they can live like 20 30 years i actually recently found well i don't know if it's true because i i'd have to um see if it's fake or not, but I did see online that someone said that a doctor

Speaker 1 like created this like vaccine for cats to help them live longer.

Speaker 1 And I was like,

Speaker 1 I've been seeing something about that. But oldest cat ever recorded was named Cream Puff, lived to be 38 years and three days old.
See, here's my thing. How many surgeries did Creampuff have to have?

Speaker 1 Honestly, Cream Puff's looking pretty good.

Speaker 1 Like, he's looking pretty.

Speaker 1 I think this is Flossy, the world's oldest cat right now. 27.

Speaker 1 Looks really

Speaker 1 cute.

Speaker 1 Real chip for young. Healthy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But what I was gonna say, with all of his comments and kind of him implying, like, oh, she rescued it, only had it for a few years, he's kind of like

Speaker 1 implying, and maybe this is just my read on it, but it feels like he's being like, oh, well, if you adopt a dog that's older, you don't have the same connection because you didn't have it as a pup puppy.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it's like, you still are

Speaker 1 pouring your heart and soul into this animal. And I would say adopting older animals can be even harder because they're set in their ways.
They might need more care.

Speaker 1 Like, especially if you're a rescue animal.

Speaker 1 I feel like when you have a rescue, depending on when you get that rescue animal, like for example, I have a, or I had a cat named Cedar.

Speaker 1 He passed away this past year in New Jersey. But when we first got him, was

Speaker 1 the most

Speaker 1 violent cat I think I had ever encountered in my life.

Speaker 1 You would walk past him. He would hiss at you.
I remember one day I came home from school and I put my book bag down.

Speaker 1 and I guess when I put it down, the sound scared him and he jumped and clawed into my back and I screamed and twisted my back.

Speaker 1 Like I twisted and turned and he flew into our like the blinds and the window. Oh my God.
But here's the thing.

Speaker 1 He immediately came up to me and started purring against my leg.

Speaker 1 I think that's when he realized like, oh, like first of all, this is your domain. Second of all, I hurt you.

Speaker 1 And I think when it comes to especially like rescue animals, depending on the environment they grew up in, if they were abused or if they were neglected, it takes a really, it's like you're putting in 10 times more effort to build a connection.

Speaker 1 And once that connection is there, I feel like it's really strong, as strong as it would be if you had a puppy or had that dog since it was a puppy. So trying to downplay her

Speaker 1 connection with the dog by saying, oh, she got it as a a rescue. It was older, anyways.
Like, I'm sorry, sir, that doesn't matter. Like, you actually sound even more like an asshole to me.

Speaker 1 I would agree with that. Couple more comments from OP.

Speaker 1 She already has a custom-made ring where the stone was mixed with a bit of ashes, but she doesn't really wear it. And I'm curious about that.

Speaker 1 Maybe she didn't end up liking it, but if she likes the actual ashes and the little urn, like maybe putting some of the ashes into a vial, like something like literally a mini urn necklace.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was and like something tiny.

Speaker 1 I was because I'm think when I think about it, at least also, like, I don't know if they do this with dogs too, but if she's really sentimental, she could also, my mom, thank you, mom, love you, got me cedar.

Speaker 1 When cats die, they do like a clay paw print. Cute.
So I have this paw print in my apartment in my living room. And that's like my little like, oh, cedar.
Yeah. Um, and I think even like

Speaker 1 going around like maybe even that route, if she has that.

Speaker 1 But again, maybe she doesn't like it because like the resin is covering the ashes. And I would say like maybe she feels more connected because the

Speaker 1 urn straight up ashes and then there's not like resin poured all over it. So maybe having like a tiny vial around her neck, that would feel more comfortable because I think so.

Speaker 1 I'd get down to like the context and like why she doesn't wear the ring or like the ring or whatever. Right.
OP is fighting for his life, their life in the comments. Yeah, his life.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this one. She didn't argue.
She simply started to unpack her bag. She told me to have fun on the weekend, get away.
She would not be coming.

Speaker 1 I asked if she was seriously choosing a dog's ashes over me. They're quoting what OP said.
And they go, Your girlfriend, well, ex-girlfriend, likely, sounds amazing. Right.

Speaker 1 I wish she was my friend because she sounds like an awesome person to know. Sounds like you lost that privilege by being an asshole.
You're the asshole. Everything she said was 1000% correct.

Speaker 1 I don't even have anything to add because she spoke for herself so clearly. The fact that you still don't get it shows you have a fundamental problem actually hearing her.

Speaker 1 Read and reread what she said until you get it. We have some edits from OP.

Speaker 1 Edit number one. The hotel was non-refundable and only a three-hour drive, so I went on the trip without her.

Speaker 1 Did she pay for half of that? Edit number two. She started seeing a psychologist around the same time we started dating.

Speaker 1 She hasn't told me any specifics, but she said the trauma of suddenly losing her dog brought to the surface other trauma from her past. This is why I think she has been mourning for too long.

Speaker 1 She is still attached to the dog, even after seeing a professional on a regular basis for several months. Okay, so like now you're just airing her out.
Also, like a couple months?

Speaker 1 Okay, what if this dog literally saved her from like a really traumatic experience, bad home life partner, whatever, like insert XYZ? Like that was her best friend.

Speaker 1 And it wasn't like this dog was like 16 and you knew it was coming. It was eight or nine and had

Speaker 1 been diagnosed with cancer and then dropped dead a couple weeks later. Like,

Speaker 1 this is shocking. This isn't something she got to prepare for.
Right. It was cut short.

Speaker 1 Update. God.

Speaker 1 This man needs to learn how to stop talking and to just listen. And I'm sure this will make a lot of you happy.
Got it. I get it.
I'm an asshole. Yay! Thank you.
You did so good. You did so good.

Speaker 1 I texted my girlfriend to say I'm sorry for how I spoke to her and for dismissing her feelings. It was wrong.

Speaker 1 I also said I would like to apologize in person and offer to bring her over her favorite takeout. She said, quote, all good.
Don't worry about an in-person apology.

Speaker 1 I gathered the things you've left at my house. Let me know when you'd like to come pick them up.

Speaker 1 I'm hoping she will still hear me out when I go to her place.

Speaker 1 Good for her. A Coeen.
I love her. She set her boundary very clearly.

Speaker 1 And you know what? And I think that that's something everybody can learn from. Like you need to set up boundaries.
And when people break them, you really need to put your foot down.

Speaker 1 And the fact, again,

Speaker 1 I think what really like hammered that nail into the coffin, she knows he went. Like she knows he went on this trip without her for sure.
That was the line in the sand. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like you, so not only did you

Speaker 1 insult me by saying that me having my dog's ashes and being attached to those ashes is weird, but then you went on the trip.

Speaker 1 Also, it took you going on a trip and going on a Reddit thread to figure out what you did was wrong. That's also like, I'm glad you know you're the asshole, but also

Speaker 1 it should not take you. Like, it should not take you going on a Reddit thread and then going on a trip and then coming back.
It should have not taken you that long to

Speaker 1 realize what you did was not okay.

Speaker 1 If someone went on a trip without me, that's like the ultimate, like, fuck you, especially if I paid for half or, you know, I was the one that planned and was super excited. Like, I think.

Speaker 1 Especially when she started unpacking. Yeah.
Like, you're mid-packing for this trip. Yep.
And I know like some people would be like, oh, well, maybe she was unpacking to test him.

Speaker 1 And, you know, that could be looked at as emotional manipulation or whatever. And it's like, no, like, I think this is someone that just realized her worth.
And this was a boundary for her.

Speaker 1 And they weren't flying. They were driving a couple hours.
It shouldn't have been a big deal. Nope.
It shouldn't have been a big deal.

Speaker 1 And the fact he was like, I don't want to look at the urn after we have sex. Like, that's what you're concerned about looking at an urn.
First of all, why, why would you look at an urn?

Speaker 1 First of all, I don't know, put a tissue over it. Don't even want to look at it.
If you don't want to look at it, one, no offense, don't look at it. Two,

Speaker 1 it's not like you're looking at a dead dog corpse after how it's an urn.

Speaker 1 Grow up.

Speaker 1 Like, literally, grow up. It is an urn.
Look at it and be like, oh, a cute vase.

Speaker 1 Like, it can, you can literally reframe it in your mind to be like, oh, that's a really cute hotel decor and not an urn full of ashes. That's on you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I also think the wording he used here, I told her she was not allowed to bring the urn. Yeah, that's.

Speaker 1 As a grown adult, very few, very, very, very few people are going to tell me what I can and can't do. And if they're telling me I can't do something for my own safety, yeah, I'll consider it.

Speaker 1 But this circumstance is not that. Like, especially after calling it weird.

Speaker 1 Crazy. But, you know, there are people out there that say not the asshole.
I mean, people were calling her unhinged, mentally unstable. Like, were these all like, no offense, were they

Speaker 1 men? We have no insight into their accounts. Can I be really honest with you? They're probably straight men, and that's just, I mean, in my opinion, or

Speaker 1 pick me's, just, and that could be it. Like, they're just kind of not in tune with their, I don't know, sensitive side because I look at this as just like, have empathy for someone else.

Speaker 1 Would I do it? No. Is it okay that she does it? If it makes her happy, sure.
Like, I am so in the boat of like, everyone's got to live their life. Life is hard enough as it is.

Speaker 1 Why do we need to make it any harder on each other?

Speaker 1 Let people live.

Speaker 1 Moving along. I'm that's the first one, babe.
I can't. I know.
I'm just gonna peek at his most recent comments just to see if he did

Speaker 1 get his stuff and that she still broke up with him.

Speaker 1 There's a comment from a minute ago. Oh,

Speaker 1 just still fighting for his life.

Speaker 1 He goes, Maybe she just needs some time to calm down.

Speaker 1 Who the hell said that? OP, he's just still not getting it.

Speaker 1 After reflecting, I see there was no nuance. I belittled her grief and told her I think her coping habits are weird.

Speaker 1 This is a good lesson for him to learn.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 a lesson he hopefully will learn from. I think it's done.
Yeah, period. Good good for you, girl.
Good for you. This next one.

Speaker 1 Very peculiar. Okay.
Very peculiar. It is coming from Am I the Asshole titled, Am I the Asshole for Refusing a Doughnut that My Boyfriend Licked?

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 My boyfriend and I are having a small staycation at a hotel for his birthday. We got some Chinese food delivered and I ordered the donuts.
Basically deep-fried biscuit dough rolled in white sugar.

Speaker 1 When the food arrived, I joked about inhaling the donuts, so he made a whole show of stealing one from me and licking off all of the sugar.

Speaker 1 I'm laughing up a storm when he hands it back to me, and then I get confused. He said he didn't actually want to eat it, so he was giving it back to me to eat later.
I laughed and said, Ew, no way.

Speaker 1 I'm eating the new ones. This made him quiet.

Speaker 1 We spent a couple of minutes eating in silence before I spoke up and tried to clarify that I would just prefer to eat a new donut with sugar and that it isn't sticky with his saliva.

Speaker 1 He said that we have swapped all kinds of saliva and it hurts that I'm acting as if he is too disgusting to share food with.

Speaker 1 That's not.

Speaker 1 Okay, keep going. I took the donut and put it back in the box, but it's pretty much too late.

Speaker 1 The night has most likely been ruined, and he's still quiet hours later, and nothing I'm saying or doing is helping lift his mood. Am I the asshole for not taking back the donut?

Speaker 1 No, but your boyfriend's a bitch.

Speaker 1 Your boyfriend's a little bitch. That's what I will say.
That's what your boyfriend sounds like. I'm sorry.
He licked your donut.

Speaker 1 It's covered in sugar. After you lick a donut covered in sugar, it's going to be sticky.
He licked the entire thing, handed it to you.

Speaker 1 It's not like he went like, it's not like he did like a little dab on his tongue. He licked all the sugar off the donut and then handed it back to you and said, here you go.
Bitch, I'd say no to.

Speaker 1 I think he's, I think that's nasty. And yeah, I'm making out you're swapping saliva, but I'm not about, like, I'm not about to eat something that you just tore up with your tongue, weirdo,

Speaker 1 weirdo,

Speaker 1 tore up with your tongue. That's literally that made me mad.
He's a little bitch, and the fact that he's like being all quiet and not talking to you.

Speaker 1 And oh, like, I can't believe you wouldn't eat a donut that I just literally licked with my entire nasty tongue. Tell him to go fuck himself.
I just wonder, like, what did he want from this?

Speaker 1 Was his pouting and this, you know,

Speaker 1 what feels to me like a manipulative reaction? Because this is not something that needed to ruin the night. It's also not something that had to happen.

Speaker 1 Like, you choke, just like he chose to lick the entire donut that you were about to consume, you chose not to eat it. I don't see anything wrong with that.
No, and it's, I get it.

Speaker 1 It was funny in the moment. Super cute.
He did it for the plot, whatever. But it's okay if no one eats it.
It's one little donut. Am I annoyed that he's not going to eat it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because it's a donut and it sounds amazing. Delicious.

Speaker 1 But it's like, you can't expect to like spit all over something or like, you know, like when you're having a drink and you can just see the backwash floating around.

Speaker 1 And it's like, here, here's the last sip for you. And it's like, gee, thanks.
I wanted to gulp down your spit. Yeah.
I also had this image of like, they did it in, I think, the movie The Sand Lot.

Speaker 1 And I'm so sorry, this might gross some of you out. But you know, when you like, as a kid, would get pinned down and someone would like drop spit over you and then suck it back up.

Speaker 1 That is like what this feels like to me. It's just like, I don't want to just eat your saliva.
Making out is so different, but like to eat your saliva.

Speaker 1 The only thing you should be licking and eating is this kuder, mama. The only thing you should be licking and eating is this box.

Speaker 1 The only thing you should be licking and eating is this tight little poon poon I got down here. So sorry, I don't want to eat your nasty donut.

Speaker 1 The only donut you need to be eating is the donut I got down here, babe. And you know what I'm talking about.
You know what I'm talking about. You can eat that donut.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I have no problem with you licking up that box, that box of donuts, that nice, clean, tight box of donuts.

Speaker 1 Anything else, you're going to hand me an actual donut that you just licked up, slathered all over. Please get a grip.
No, and it's, it's one thing to have this all happen, lick the donut, whatever.

Speaker 1 It's the reaction I have a big problem with. And it's, it's giving a lot of red flags.
Like, I think there's a bit more to unpack there. Yeah, babe.
I think you're, again, dating a bitch.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this one. Okay, your title said he licked it, which I thought would be okay.
Then your explanation is that he licked all of the sugar off it. That is totally not the same thing.

Speaker 1 Ew, I'm not eating that. Same.
The best donuts are fresh and covered in cinnamon sugar. And after it's been in someone's mouth that much, it's no longer fresh.
It's not about the saliva.

Speaker 1 It's about the donut.

Speaker 1 Next comment down. Come on.
It's about the spit too. I love my partner and kissing is totally different, but I'm not drinking a shot of his spit for fun.
Same goes for other bodily fluids.

Speaker 1 Context matters.

Speaker 1 That right there. That right there.
Context matters. Thank you.
Not the asshole, says the next one. I wouldn't want to eat it either.
It doesn't matter how much saliva you've already shared.

Speaker 1 To me, it's like he's expecting you to eat something he's already eaten. It's weird to me.
This made him upset to the point he ruined the evening. Yeah.
By the way, you did not ruin anything, ma'am.

Speaker 1 He ruined it. Like he really ruined the evening.
He, again, is a little bitch.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think there's another really long comment here. That's like,

Speaker 1 it's honestly like six paragraphs. So I'm not going to read the full thing.
But essentially, like this person is just being like, you didn't ruin anything.

Speaker 1 He deliberately spoiled something that you literally just told him you were looking forward to enjoying. Rude and unhygienic.
And then they have points, like one through five.

Speaker 1 One, ruined the donut itself. Two, wasted a food item that again, you specifically told him you were looking forward to.

Speaker 1 Three, tried to confuse you with ridiculous false equivalents about bodily fluids in other contexts.

Speaker 1 Four, pouted disproportionately with a level of exaggeration that screams bad faith and manipulation and has the desired result of you second-guessing your correct and normal reaction, which again, that just like glaring red flags, testing boundaries, emotional manipulation, trying to like almost, I don't know if it's gaslighting, but like purposefully make you feel bad and doubt yourself and your gut.

Speaker 1 It's just bad. It's no, it's giving like he's like he's gaslighting you.
Yeah, he's making you feel bad for something that's normal. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And five, kept up the act for long enough to ruin his own damn birthday celebration. It was his birthday? Oh, I didn't really give a shit about that.
But like,

Speaker 1 it could have just blown over. It was really never that deep.
Again, this is why I'm telling you, girl, you're dating a little bitch. This is not about the donut.
No. It's not about the donut.

Speaker 1 I think this really is about more

Speaker 1 a sense of control or just something. And even like how he reacted.
Something else is at play here.

Speaker 1 But we have no comments from OP on this.

Speaker 1 Very active Reddit account still posting after this has been posted. So maybe we'll get an update eventually, but

Speaker 1 definitely giving real. I mean, OP was posting in r/slash baking, looking for recipes that take up a lot of active time.

Speaker 1 Feeling really low, and I usually like to bake for myself to keep myself busy, but I'm in need of ideas. So, very real account.
And I'm hoping we'll get an update eventually.

Speaker 1 Babe, I think you, unlike the last, the last M of the Asshole, we, I think you dodged a bullet I think you 100% dodged a bullet I think so

Speaker 1 I hope they I don't think they broke up though who I don't think they're breaking up I think there's more info girl stand up I don't get your belly off the floor and stand up now I

Speaker 1 I really hope we get an update I really hope you guys break up why are you dating a bitch

Speaker 1 Sorry, I can't get over it. Take a shot every time Spencer says bitch.
Take a shot every time Spencer calls his random man, bitch. You're drunk.

Speaker 1 Don't do that.

Speaker 1 You'd actually get

Speaker 1 obliterated. I just start saying, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.

Speaker 1 Everyone's stolen back shots now, huh? Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 thank you so much for coming on.

Speaker 1 Helping me introduce the world, hopefully, to two hot takes. Guys, you are going to love two hot takes because I love two hot takes.
And if I love it, you got to love it because I'm objectively

Speaker 1 actually, yeah, I'm objectively correct. Yeah, you, I feel like you've got a good pulse on the beat, yeah.
I do, I really do. I have a really

Speaker 1 what's that saying? You got like you got your ears to the ground, you're you're you're with it. You got pulse on the beat, you got a good pulse on the beat.
I have no idea.

Speaker 1 I'm with the shits, okay, okay. I'm with the shits, and yeah, um, where can people find you? Oh, find me a spensois, that's S-P-E-N-C-E-W-U-A-H,

Speaker 1 Everywhere.

Speaker 1 Everywhere. Except Snapchat.
Snapchat, there's an M, but

Speaker 1 there's like an M in the middle. It's Spensoir.
But you shouldn't have a problem finding me there because I'm verified. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And Spencer will be tagged in everything in this show's description, Instagram, socials, everything. So be sure to go check out his stuff.
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Nordstrom. Oh, what fun.

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Available at your local Walmart. Our next magical guest.

Speaker 1 Chris Clements, everyone.

Speaker 1 Hello, everybody. I'm very tense now that we've started.
And also, you guys are getting the very first look at my new set.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 oh.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's like a very cropped in version, but like, still, we ought to keep some mystery alive, guys.

Speaker 1 Oh, my gosh. Chris, you have been...
You've been through it with me. I think the first time we met,

Speaker 1 I really, I baptized you by fire. I gave you the coconut coconut story bitch you baptized me in acid what do you mean fire I mean

Speaker 1 I mean that was I still like I don't remember this morning but I remember that

Speaker 1 well I might have I might have a couple today that maybe top that in a different way

Speaker 1 girl

Speaker 1 I don't know I don't know. I'm usually the one doing the topping, so I'm not into this.

Speaker 1 oh this is gonna be so good i'm i'm just so excited to have you again so fun that's so good i mean chris i don't think it's gonna be as bad as what i gave you when you came on tour with us for live shows see i blacked all of that out like that was like that's recorded somewhere maybe and if not great but i had a great time don't remember it and i think i don't know i always have fun when i'm with you like you could ask me like chris do you want to go

Speaker 1 take the statue of liberty for ransom? And I'd be like, sure, girl, I have no idea how we're going to do that, considering I barely could set up my podcast studio, but I'm down.

Speaker 1 Okay, you're down for anything. Down for anything with you.
Let's see how you feel about this next one. Okay, this is coming.

Speaker 1 This is coming from R/Relationship Advice, 10 days old. It is titled, I think that my 25-male wife, 23-female, thinks that I murdered her ex.

Speaker 1 Curiosity peaked, bitch. Let's let's do this.

Speaker 1 About a month ago, while out shopping, my wife and I ran into her high school boyfriend and his mom on the street. It was a slightly awkward encounter.

Speaker 1 His mom made a comment about how good they looked standing next to each other, quote, like it was meant to be. We said we were in a bit of a hurry.

Speaker 1 As we were walking away, he said something along the lines of, quote, hey, we should grab coffee sometime.

Speaker 1 All in front of her husband is crazy. That is so crazy.
I didn't think too much of it at the moment.

Speaker 1 Sure, his mom was awkward, but they'd been broken up for about seven years, and I do think he meant it to just be friendly.

Speaker 1 But still, we had a quick check-in after where we both agreed it was awkward and that I wasn't too upset.

Speaker 1 And that I wouldn't even necessarily mind them meeting for coffee, provided that it became clear if he still had feelings or was making advances that she would cut him out.

Speaker 1 She wasn't even sure she wanted to take him up on it, so it was all purely hypothetical.

Speaker 1 That evening, I met up with some friends for drinks and was home by 1 a.m. That next morning, my wife got a message from her friend that her ex had died that night.

Speaker 1 Girl, you picked that night to come home at 1 a.m. Oh my god, you did it, bitch.
You did it. I think you did it.

Speaker 1 We got a few more details over the next couple of days, but it seemed he suffered from epilepsy and that night in a freak accident had a seizure, fell, and hit his head. What does A-F-A-I-K mean?

Speaker 1 A-F-I-A-K?

Speaker 1 As fuck as it

Speaker 1 sounds, I don't know. Oh my God, I okay, so he had a seizure.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, so,

Speaker 1 okay, I'll keep listening. I always do this where I'm like, so then why does the wife think he did it?

Speaker 1 As far as I know, there's no foul play suspected or criminal investigation or anything. Oh, is that what it stands for? As far as I know, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, that's the most exciting part of the story so far. I'm like, I learned a new acronym.

Speaker 1 In the weeks since, she started acting really strange.

Speaker 1 She hasn't been abnormally sad that he died, but more like cautious and fearful around me.

Speaker 1 She hasn't made any kind of direct accusation, but had been asking me a lot of questions where I went drinking with my friends, who I was with, what time each person arrived and left, etc.

Speaker 1 She's lately mentioned that she wanted to spend some time with a friend to catch up for about a week. I don't know how to address this.

Speaker 1 It feels crazy to have to ask her whether she thinks I murdered him or to have to tell her that I didn't.

Speaker 1 I'm even afraid to bring it up and whether that would just feed into whatever she seems to be going through. Any thoughts on how to deal with this? For the record, I didn't murder her ex.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think that's where you're like, hey, babe, you've been fucking weird this week since that happened. Do you think I killed him? Because that's the vibe I'm starting to catch.

Speaker 1 I mean, can you imagine you love someone, you trust them enough to marry them, and then like crazy, you know, tragedy happens, but you, you think your partner did it?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Like, why?

Speaker 1 If you love someone, why would you think that your partner would kill your high school boyfriend over saying like, we should get coffee?

Speaker 1 I I mean I feel like if that's how like insane your partner is that like you think they're capable of that there would have been other signs that would make you feel like hey red flag yeah you would think like if he's killed like a frog and then like played around with it like you know Jeffrey Dahmer style I would be like

Speaker 1 okay yeah I don't think he's off the suspect list but like if he's just been kicking it this whole time and like he was talking like yeah I mean I don't care if you go and get coffee.

Speaker 1 Like, no, I don't think you fucking, I think you just say like, hey, girl, what's going on? He seemed like very chill about their encounter, even with how weird it was.

Speaker 1 I mean, the mom being like, you two look like you're meant to be. You look so great.
No, the mom toddler and tearing them is like crazy.

Speaker 1 I would have been like.

Speaker 1 Okay, let me just see myself out. Okay, I'll go, I'll go fuck myself.
Thanks. Like, what? My question is, is she acting weird because she saw him again?

Speaker 1 And now that he's dead, she's realizing that maybe she had feelings for him?

Speaker 1 Listen, the brain is on today.

Speaker 1 Inspector Chris is in the office.

Speaker 1 He needs to talk to her. I mean, come on.
Just every guy in these Reddit things are like, I don't know. Like, should I talk to her?

Speaker 1 And I'm like, hey, men, this is what we've been saying pretty much the whole fucking time. Communicate.

Speaker 1 Communicate. You feel like, what the fuck? Communicate, which is what the top comment says.
You don't need to ask her that. You need to ask her why her demeanor towards you has changed.
All caps.

Speaker 1 Communicate.

Speaker 1 God, men are so fucking stupid.

Speaker 1 Next comment down, communicate. And then update us on how it went because I am invested.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Yeah, I'm hoping that there's an update. Well, we have a little bit of an edit.

Speaker 1 No idea what it says, but let's see.

Speaker 1 Edit, thanks for the feedback. Just wanted to throw a quick update.
I am going to ask her when I get home from work. I always knew it needed to be a conversation.

Speaker 1 Just needed to hype myself up to actually do it and figure out how I wanted to approach it. We'll let you know how it goes.

Speaker 1 There's an update, right

Speaker 1 that was 10 days ago oh my god what if the girl killed him

Speaker 1 maybe she oh my god wait no okay sorry i'm getting very ahead of myself i'm like creating like the next big paramount picture

Speaker 1 there is no official update on the account

Speaker 1 what a blue ball what the fuck

Speaker 1 Nothing.

Speaker 1 Just a couple comments

Speaker 1 about like how they got together. We got together in university four years ago, and our first wedding anniversary is coming up in about three months.
They haven't even thought they're, oh my God.

Speaker 1 It's like

Speaker 1 their first year anniversary, and there's a murder suspect in it. I'm crying.

Speaker 1 Opie also says here, I definitely don't feel very secure in my relationship at the moment. Physically safe, sure.
And for the record, I'm quite confident I didn't murder anybody.

Speaker 1 I was was where I said I was. And I'm like 99% sure the bar I was at has security cameras.
I don't think I'm going to end up on a true crime documentary anytime soon, but divorced? Possibly.

Speaker 1 And he has the nerve to comment that, but not give us an update. You know what, sir? I take back my advice.
Go fuck yourself. You can go figure out how to handle this situation on your own.

Speaker 1 What's the point of coming on Beyoncé's internet if you're not going to give us the fucking update? It's been 10 days.

Speaker 1 If you haven't communicated communicated once in those 10 days, yeah, maybe you should just get a divorce.

Speaker 1 I hate them. You tell him.
You tell him. I did.
I did.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I do. I was going to go a different direction for you on the second one.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you said you wanted an update, right?

Speaker 1 Shut up. You blue balled me.
Oh my God, you're the murderer in the library with the chandelier. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 No, sir. I just have another one, another story for you today.
And this one is

Speaker 1 insane.

Speaker 1 Oh, so this is totally unrelated.

Speaker 1 Unrelated. Next story.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I thought there was like an update, and I was like, there was one. Okay, anyways.
No. Let's hear.
No. Oh, God.
Is this one crazy?

Speaker 1 You be the judge.

Speaker 1 You be the judge. That means yeah.

Speaker 1 So, this is coming from r/slash true off my chest. It is titled, My husband left our five-year-old and nine-month-old home alone and refuses to explain why.

Speaker 1 It's not funny, just for the red room.

Speaker 1 It's like not a funny situation, just the delivery of these words is so fun,

Speaker 1 And he will not give an explanation.

Speaker 1 Like, sir, where did you go?

Speaker 1 My husband is 43 and I'm 31. We've been married for seven years and have a five-year-old and a nine-month-old baby.

Speaker 1 My husband left our children alone, and he refuses to admit it or tell me where he was. I'm furious, enraged, and my husband keeps telling me I'm making a big deal about nothing.

Speaker 1 This just happened this weekend. I'm on the board of directors for a local nonprofit organization.

Speaker 1 I had to attend an event for that organization this past Saturday, and I was gone for most of the day. My husband was supposed to be home with our kids.
I texted him a few times, and he responded.

Speaker 1 When I called around midday, he didn't respond. And that's not very unusual.
Shortly after that, I got a call from my mom.

Speaker 1 She said my son had just called her, and when she asked him what he and his sister were doing, he said they were both watching TV. When she asked where their dad was, he said his dad wasn't there.

Speaker 1 My mom asked him several other questions, and from my son's response, she believed he was telling the truth, and that my husband wasn't there, and that there was no adult there at all.

Speaker 1 She said he didn't seem to be scared, alone, or worried about where his dad was at. He just called her to chat.
He has a tablet designed for children.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, that's so cute. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 He has a tablet designed for children with pre-programmed contacts that he can call. It's only a few people, just family members.

Speaker 1 I left the event immediately and began texting and calling my husband repeatedly. He didn't respond to my first several attempts.
It took him about 10 minutes.

Speaker 1 I was halfway home at that point to respond. I was so confused, so worried, really mad.
And I asked him where he was. He said he was at home.

Speaker 1 I told him our son had just told his grandmother that he was home alone with his baby sister watching TV about 15 minutes ago.

Speaker 1 My husband denied it.

Speaker 1 You got got.

Speaker 1 My husband denied it, and I told him I was too upset to talk and drive. When I got home, I checked on the kids right away, and they were both fine.
I asked my husband again, where was he?

Speaker 1 He said he was home the entire time.

Speaker 1 He doesn't know what our son was talking about, but he must have been just confused since he had gone to the basement to do some laundry. I ran down to the basement.

Speaker 1 It was the same load of laundry I'd thrown in the dryer the night before. He didn't do any laundry when I was gone.

Speaker 1 This is so gaggy. This man just keeps digging his hole deeper and deeper.

Speaker 1 I asked my husband why my son would be confused about whether his dad was home or not. Where in our home would he have gone, and for how long for our son to think his dad wasn't home?

Speaker 1 That doesn't make sense with a five-year-old and a nine-month-old baby. You wouldn't leave them unattended that long.

Speaker 1 Why was he nowhere to be found when my mom asked my son to go check certain areas of the house.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. Oh my god.
If there is not an update for this,

Speaker 1 I just remembered the podcast I'm on. This is about to get crazy, I feel.

Speaker 1 You just did an eyebrow raise. Oh, buckle up, bitch.

Speaker 1 I begged my husband to just admit it. Stop treating me like an idiot and to stop accusing our son of lying.
Just tell me the truth because being lied to right to my face is so incredibly maddening.

Speaker 1 He insists he was home, but he can't come up with any believable story of where he was at or what he was doing during that time.

Speaker 1 The way he answers me when I ask him about it and demand truthful answers is so dismissive.

Speaker 1 When I tell him, quote, you left our children alone, he quickly says, no, I didn't. So, anyways,

Speaker 1 he says, I'm overreacting and letting our son's imagination drive me crazy. I am convinced he was gone.
We don't have a ring camera, but at least one of our neighbors does.

Speaker 1 I'm so upset about this that I'm tempted to ask our neighbor for the ring footage.

Speaker 1 Oh, Miss Mother, you better have attached the ring footage to the motherfucking Reddit.

Speaker 1 I had to go out to my car and scream and cry because I got so upset. Of course, I didn't want my kids to see my reaction.

Speaker 1 I can't put into words how upset I am about the fact that I know he must have really left them alone, but I have no proof and am I'm being treated like I'm just a paranoid nutcase of a woman/slash mother by him.

Speaker 1 Let me just say that a woman's instincts, I feel like, are scientifically 99% accurate. Like, that is just as effective as like Lysol or like Clorox or whatever the fuck.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, give me the update. Like, I don't even need to deliberate.
Like, I'm so fucking buckled in. I've got like an extra buckle on.
I mean, how does he not think he's going to get caught?

Speaker 1 But it's like, no, he did get caught. How does he think he's going to get out of it? By one, being an asshole.
Two, you lied about laundry when, oh, no, you didn't. The jig is up.

Speaker 1 Also, no offense, you would have to be in the basement for like three hours doing laundry. You would have to be like, what is that thing called that they use on like Little House on the Prairie?

Speaker 1 Washboard. He would have to be fucking washboarding everything for that to make sense.
I mean,

Speaker 1 girl, just be be like, I was fucking some other bitch. Like, why won't men just realize if you cheat, just say it.
It makes it 3,000 times better than someone finding out themselves.

Speaker 1 Yeah, be honest, but also, like, if you're going to cheat, maybe don't leave your nine-month-old baby alone. Find a time where you're not being a dad.
And do it then.

Speaker 1 Like, don't be, don't be so disrespectful.

Speaker 1 I mean, if you're going to be disrespectful, at least have some respect for

Speaker 1 someone

Speaker 1 your kids, a five-year-old and a nine-month-old. Like, there's so many things that could have gone wrong.
There basically, like a nine-month-old need to eat, like, every four hours or some shit?

Speaker 1 Maybe not. I mean,

Speaker 1 that's what I'm saying. I have not, I have not had a child yet.

Speaker 1 I, I do not know, but I mean, he was gone longer than at least 20 minutes right like he called grandma had a full conversation with grandma went around the house with his little tablet like plain eye spy then grandma called mom mom called him and tried to drive home and that was 15 minutes so like this is at least 20 minutes like if he's not checking in on a non-mobile baby

Speaker 1 so like

Speaker 1 well

Speaker 1 well like yeah he had to drive somewhere So like, but for that, and he's gone for at least an hour.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? At least. Okay.
What's I don't know why she's she's like, Should I ask for my neighbor's ring footage?

Speaker 1 I mean, the way that I would have fucking hacked their ring by now is like immediately, yes. I mean, we would have gotten into the full fucking mainframe, the side frame, the,

Speaker 1 I mean, it's just ridiculous. Oh my God, I'm so invested.

Speaker 1 So, top comment on this one.

Speaker 1 When my now ex did this, it was drugs. I didn't know about it.
He told me months later when I found out that that he often left at night and put the kids in the living room together.

Speaker 1 Quote, so if the house burned down, at least they'd be together. My youngest was under a year, my oldest was five.
Don't stop asking questions.

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 1 Wow. I mean, consider me doing BDSM because, bitch, I'm gagged.
OP responds to that. This gives me chills.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Like, here's like a fun creative writing moment. What if he was going to kill the boyfriend who has epilepsy? You know, we've got like a cross Marvel DC world.

Speaker 1 Honestly, don't put it past Reddit.

Speaker 1 Don't put it past Reddit, but this next comment is really interesting.

Speaker 1 I haven't seen it anywhere, but will admit I haven't looked super deeply. So I'll add this to you.
This is not the first time your husband has left your children alone.

Speaker 1 Your son's reaction to grandma is proof enough of that. He was calm, completely unbothered by the fact that he and the baby were alone.
He would not react like that the first time.

Speaker 1 Wait, gag.

Speaker 1 That is so true. Because imagine the first time you're little and you can't find your parents.
You start crying. You do not have this calm.
I'm going to call grandma on my tablet reaction.

Speaker 1 Wait, gag.

Speaker 1 He was thinking, like, maybe that dad was like, I have to go to the grocery store to get you guys a snack. I'll be right back.

Speaker 1 But then the kid would have said, like, dad's at the grocery store getting us a snack. Like, he just slipped out.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow, wow. Wait.
Wow.

Speaker 1 I mean, like, this is how I know that Reddit and your podcast has totally fucked me hard because like I am jumping to like the most insane situations. But like,

Speaker 1 what if the person who responded and was like, my ex did that with my kids? What if it's the same guy?

Speaker 1 Trying to like poke holes. I don't know.
I'm just like grasping for anything. Is there an update?

Speaker 1 There is, but I have a few more comments for you. Oh my God.
Oh my God. This is the best.

Speaker 1 So someone else goes, it's either drugs or an affair.

Speaker 1 Also, the fact that your five-year-old was calm and nonchalant about it makes me believe he does this frequently enough that the kids are used to it.

Speaker 1 And OP responds, My mom said she chatted with my son for at least five minutes before she asked him where his dad was. And when she asked, she still didn't think anything was wrong.

Speaker 1 She was just trying to make conversation. He gave no indication that anything was wrong.
And when she started asking him more questions regarding his dad's whereabouts, he didn't seem phased.

Speaker 1 Um, OP just says, like, he definitely won't be left alone with them anymore, unless it's a test where I am secretly watching the entire time.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, please tell me she did this. A lot of people are asking, like,

Speaker 1 does husband have any accounts, like bank accounts that she's not aware of that she could, like, start looking through to gather evidence and like really build a case?

Speaker 1 And OP responds, he has a separate bank account that I don't have access to. It's not a secret account.
I know it exists. I don't have a debit card for it.

Speaker 1 I'm not named on the account, and I don't have login details. I have no clue what's in it.
We have a joint account, too.

Speaker 1 So, I mean, very easy of him to hide things.

Speaker 1 Oh

Speaker 1 my God, is there another update? I am just like a little greedy bitch today because I'm like, give me more.

Speaker 1 So, we do have an official update.

Speaker 1 It was.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. I'm so excited.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 It was posted four days after the original post. Oh, I thought you were going to be like four days ago.
And I'm like, and it's hot off the press.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, this story is coming from February 4th.

Speaker 1 It's

Speaker 1 less.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's less than a month old. Like, we could still get more updates, but

Speaker 1 see what this one's like. Before you give me the update, I don't understand why

Speaker 1 she didn't immediately, if someone was like, oh, someone's done this to me before and it was drugs with my kids.

Speaker 1 That neighbor with the ring camera, my God,

Speaker 1 I would be sucking and fucking them immediately to get that footage. Oh, you'd know the neighbors are going to get a kick out of it too.
Everyone loves a little neighborly drama.

Speaker 1 Yeah, are you kidding? Oh my God, she can be an informant to the neighbors, just give the footage over. Gag.
Anyways.

Speaker 1 So for the update. Last weekend, my husband left our five-year-old and nine-month-old home alone while I was gone and then refused to admit it or provide a plausible explanation.

Speaker 1 Since then, we've had many arguments about it. I've been living in a constant state of anger and frustration.

Speaker 1 I didn't want to fight about it anymore, but I couldn't help it and I kept bringing it up again and again.

Speaker 1 I couldn't lay low and pretend to get over it while I waited for him to do it again and catch him in whatever was going on.

Speaker 1 I also knew that demanding he tell me the truth wasn't going to get me anywhere.

Speaker 1 Since he had been refusing to talk and deflecting for days, all it was going to do is make me enraged and feel like I was about to have a brain aneurysm.

Speaker 1 I told him to hand me his phone so I could check his location at that time. He refused.
He said he wouldn't do it and that it was a violation of his privacy.

Speaker 1 He won't be treated that way and refuses to give in to my delusions. You think I enjoy being in a situation where I have to beg my husband to show me his phone so I can see where he was at? I hate it.

Speaker 1 I don't want to live that way. I told him it's simple.
If he was really at home the entire time, just prove it. Why wouldn't he want to clear this whole thing up? That's the guy.

Speaker 1 If you're home, it's like, here, bitch, here's a location. Enjoy.

Speaker 1 Sir, why are you fighting? Like, at this point, it doesn't matter if it's principle, right? Like, I don't want you to invade my privacy. You should trust me.
Oh, the principle of it.

Speaker 1 It's clearly time has gone on. She's not getting over it.
If you're innocent, prove your innocence because you're not looking innocent. But there's no privacy.

Speaker 1 If you're at home, there's nothing to be private about.

Speaker 1 Isn't that the truth?

Speaker 1 If I was sitting my fat ass at home and someone is like, I don't think you were home, I would be like, bet, bitch.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 oh my God, I am on the edge of my literal seat. I got so mad that he wouldn't turn over his phone that I told him I was going to the neighbors to get their doorbell footage.

Speaker 1 At first, he was like, fine, go do it. He didn't think I actually would.

Speaker 1 He knows I don't like to air drama to others, so he probably figured I'd just swallow all of this crap he's been giving me.

Speaker 1 Luckily, I was totally being driven by anger at this point, so nothing was going to stop me from going to the neighbors.

Speaker 1 When I actually started to go out the door, he tried to stop me and followed me out the door. I felt pure anger rushing through my veins, nothing else.

Speaker 1 The neighbor, who I've probably said less than 10 words to the entire time we've lived here, told me he would send me the footage.

Speaker 1 I went home, told my husband that the neighbor didn't have the footage from that day anymore, and told him I just needed to go to the store and cool off.

Speaker 1 So I put the kids in the car and went and parked somewhere while I waited for the neighbor to send me the footage.

Speaker 1 I have the neighbor's number now, too, and he told me if I need any more footage, he will be happy to give it to me.

Speaker 1 So for the video,

Speaker 1 the video,

Speaker 1 the video,

Speaker 1 let's go. This is like the fucking Super Bowl.
Oh my God. Is this how straight men feel when it's happening? Oh my God.

Speaker 1 The video shows a blue car that I don't recognize show up and park in our driveway. A blonde woman gets out of the car and goes towards my house.

Speaker 1 She walks on the outside of our garage towards the gate leading to our backyard. The gate is too far back and out of the way to be seen by the doorbell footage.

Speaker 1 She and her car were there for 23 minutes. Imagine that.

Speaker 1 The car leaves right around the time that my husband called me to say he was home and had been home the entire time, as I was rushing home in a panic and calling him on repeat.

Speaker 1 One of two possibilities as to where they went.

Speaker 1 She either came in through the side door of the house, which does provide direct access to the basement, or, and what I think is more likely, is that they were in the backmost area of our yard, which is a gated pool area.

Speaker 1 Immediately behind our house is a grass lawn. Then you step down a few steps and we have a patio.
And then there is a fully gated area where the pool is.

Speaker 1 It's not like you think of when you picture a gated pool. It's a full six-foot wood fence all the way around, plus even taller landscaping for added privacy.

Speaker 1 You can't see into the area at all unless you're inside.

Speaker 1 I think it's more than likely that they were back in there because my son said his dad's keys were gone and we keep that gate locked with a key.

Speaker 1 The pool is closed for winter, but there's one small building back there, sort of like a shed that we converted into a changing area and there is a covered patio with furniture.

Speaker 1 I am fully convinced that's where they were.

Speaker 1 So technically he was home, but in an area totally removed from the house and where he couldn't see or hear the kids if something happened.

Speaker 1 I asked him how he could explain this. What were they doing? I obviously don't need him to tell me what they were doing, but for some reason, I still had hope that he'd finally be honest.

Speaker 1 He wasn't contrite, he showed no remorse. He was just like, Yeah, she was here, but I obviously never left.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Get the cleaver out of the kitchen kitchen and we're having steak tonight.

Speaker 1 Who is she?

Speaker 1 How long has this been going on?

Speaker 1 And if he's going to be such a disgusting, despicable excuse of a man, then why couldn't he at least have found any other time and any other lie or excuse other than when he was home alone with our kids?

Speaker 1 I told him I know this has happened before, and I demanded to know how many times he's done this when he's been home alone with the kids.

Speaker 1 He swears this is the only time, but he still doesn't have the balls to confess what they were doing. I don't believe him that this was the only time.
FYI.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, thank God.

Speaker 1 I still have so many questions, and I still feel like my heart is beating 200 times a minute. My blood pressure is through the roof.

Speaker 1 I've cried a lot, sobbed, begged for somebody to help me, yelled, screamed, ordered a bunch of books about divorce and custody. And you know what?

Speaker 1 The next day, after our multiple explosive fights, him putting hands on me and me seeing the evidence, he acted like everything was totally normal and like none of the stuff ever happened.

Speaker 1 Done. Girl.
Immediately.

Speaker 1 Done.

Speaker 1 I woke up seething, exhausted, broken, and he's acting like everything is totally normal. He said he was ordering breakfast to be delivered from our favorite breakfast place.

Speaker 1 He asked if I wanted to go to the store together later and try this new recipe for chili tonight. What?

Speaker 1 Why would I want to do any of these things with you? Absolutely no acknowledgement of anything he's done and what's transpired between us the past few days.

Speaker 1 He deserves an Oscar for how well he is able to act like none of it happened. Completely comfortable and non-phased.

Speaker 1 I know that it's a waste of my energy, but I desperately want him to admit the full truth of what he did that day and any other day with this woman. I want to hear it from him.

Speaker 1 It won't change what he's done, but he could at least have the respect and decency to be honest now that he's caught. That's a ridiculous thought though, right?

Speaker 1 How foolish of me to expect this man to show decency and honesty now.

Speaker 1 If he was a decent and honest man, he wouldn't have had a strange woman over to our house and been out of sight of our kids for 23 minutes.

Speaker 1 His continued denial and refusal to admit to anything other than the bare minimum, his attitude like I'm somehow being controlling or infringing on his rights by asking for information, that's almost more hurtful than him cheating on me.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 you got, got, bitch.

Speaker 1 And, like, also, you saying I ordered us breakfast from our favorite breakfast is another like translation of bitch, I'm guilty.

Speaker 1 It's almost like he's trying to love bomb her now. And it's like,

Speaker 1 I didn't love their age gap at the beginning. I know, you know, there's some people that have huge age gaps, and that works for their relationship, and that's amazing.
But she's 31 now, and he is 43.

Speaker 1 They've been married for seven years. What's 31 minus seven?

Speaker 1 Oh, you're asking a lot of me.

Speaker 1 Don't tell me. 24.

Speaker 1 24. Yes.
Oh, my God. And that's, and that's when they got married.
And so, like, how long were they dating? Were they dating at 22 and 34? Like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, that's just such, they're at two very different spots in their life.

Speaker 1 And so I think all of his behavior now is like giving red flags. It's giving very controlling.
It's giving abusive. It's

Speaker 1 not

Speaker 1 like you just had a baby and I'm not the center of attention and it doesn't look like it used to down there and he's looking for something righter and tighter. Like, that's all I'm getting.

Speaker 1 But what I immediately went to hearing that update, I'm like, bitch, let's zoom in on that video. Let's get the license plate.

Speaker 1 Also, let's take a little trip to the little changing shed and see if there's any little condoms.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 1 Oh, like, let's check the trash can. I mean, like, we're like, God bless this person.
And I'm so sorry it happened to them. If you are listening, oh my God, if you're listening, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 But, like,

Speaker 1 oh my God, you are so naive. Like, check.
I, I mean,

Speaker 1 I would be walking around with a magnifying glass in the backyard. I mean, you kind of unfortunately have to.

Speaker 1 Like, I know there's, there's a lot of times where you don't need closure, but this feels like one of those times, like,

Speaker 1 you just need

Speaker 1 like the evidence to not feel so crazy, especially with the way he's gaslighting, where he's confronted with this video evidence of another woman coming into their home.

Speaker 1 And he goes, Yeah, she was here, but I didn't leave. It's like, okay, well, now that's not the point.
That was crazy.

Speaker 1 That was crazy to be like, Yeah, there is another woman coming in the side of our home, but I didn't fucking lie.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you want a you want a trophy for not leaving the house? You still left a baby, a nine-month-old baby, who could have just rolled over and died alone for 23 minutes.

Speaker 1 Sir. Dude, that is not.
I am just more and more amazed by men. Like, I really am.

Speaker 1 I,

Speaker 1 I mean, but we got a woman in the first one. She was goofy.
It's just people, like, have people just lost.

Speaker 1 the plot lately like i with everything going on too i'm like like i just okay, I just don't understand like cheating.

Speaker 1 Like, I just, I don't get it because we've seen it time and time again that nobody likes being cheated on and nobody loves having to do the detective work to find out that they were cheated on. No.

Speaker 1 So just fucking say it, bitch. The jig is up.

Speaker 1 I mean, the fucking car is in the driveway.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 We know her hair color. We know what box dyke shade it is.
I mean, what

Speaker 1 we're really gonna.

Speaker 1 I think he fully expected to be able to have that power over her. I think he fully expected he could gaslight, provide her some pancakes, and she would move on.
Clearly, but like,

Speaker 1 oh my God, what a fucking moron. If you're going to do that and fuck around in the pool area, hey, yeah, I was cleaning the pool.
Oh, I was doing maintenance on the pool. I

Speaker 1 like, if you're going to fucking cheat, at least be good at it. I mean, God.
It's insane.

Speaker 1 It's insane.

Speaker 1 So stupid. And no wonder they don't have a ring camera so he can go get his dick wet on a fucking Monday night.

Speaker 1 Like, no wonder he's like, nah, babe, we don't need a ring camera. The government's going to be watching us.
And then he's like, the fucking idiot that votes for Trump, anyways.

Speaker 1 I'm so angry at this story. I'm like, what an idiot.

Speaker 1 I know. And we do have a couple other comments from OP just kind of talking.
Like, I'm concerned for my mental health right now, too. And

Speaker 1 so understandable. Like, your whole world is kind of crashing down.

Speaker 1 But I think in these situations, like, you just need to get out, take your kids, go stay with your mom for a little bit, set up a camera before you leave because

Speaker 1 she will be there.

Speaker 1 Have the neighbor's camera rolling. Get a log into the Ring app.

Speaker 1 I mean, she will come back,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 I mean, commenting about like how I'm not sure what the current footage I have will really prove as far as the court is concerned, because like it doesn't show them cheating.

Speaker 1 It just shows her coming in. So I definitely think she needs to set up cameras.
I have like a better idea. That's like so like.
Carmen Sandiego of me. Okay.

Speaker 1 I think she should put like an ink or something something on the padlock that locks the pool. That's like you just cannot wash off.

Speaker 1 You know how like you get like a Sharpie on your finger and it's like there for a couple of days. Like,

Speaker 1 oh my God, a stamp at one of the clubs. Those things are on your hand for fucking ever.
Yeah. She needs something that's like,

Speaker 1 she should make the ink red so he can be caught. Red hand.
Oh my God. Gag.
I've like written the whole movie. Ah, chills.
Okay. Yeah.
Sorry. I'm like,

Speaker 1 I become a lunatic on this podcast. Like, I fully become like a tinfoil flat earther.
I'm like, here we go.

Speaker 1 We got a tin hat where I need a guy.

Speaker 1 I mean, she needs to do something, right? Like, I think at this point, a divorce is not only inevitable, but absolutely necessary. Bare minimum.
She does, bare minimum.

Speaker 1 And she does like clarify: like, he grabbed my arm to stop me from going to the neighbors. He didn't hit me, but regardless, he put his hands on you.

Speaker 1 He was trying to obstruct you from getting this evidence because he knew he was guilty. And at that point, as you've said, the jig is up.
You could have came clean then.

Speaker 1 You didn't have to try to stop her from getting out of the house. That's that's just being a psychopath.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's that's yeah, it doesn't matter if he grabbed your arm. Like, oh my god, that is an indication of what her relationship is like, that she's downplaying.

Speaker 1 Like, no, it wasn't like physical abuse. He just grabbed my arm because it doesn't.
He knew that he fucking cheated on me.

Speaker 1 Does not matter. If anybody is putting hands on you to be controlling red flag, red flag, not good,

Speaker 1 bad, very bad. And last comment we have from OP is 23 days ago.
We have no other updates, no other comments.

Speaker 1 So I'm hoping OP is out there, hears this, knows that it's okay to leave. It's okay to get out.
Like, look after yourself, your safety, your kids. You got to go.
I hope OP is alive.

Speaker 1 I think she's okay. Not to be grim, but this husband is like

Speaker 1 shifty.

Speaker 1 He's pushing shifty and he is shifty. It's very concerning because, like, even when,

Speaker 1 and I'd love for like maybe a therapist to chime in on that.

Speaker 1 Like, hey, what, what, what's going on in his brain where you are very clearly caught, caught, evidence presented before you, and you still are like doubling down that nothing's going on, nothing's happening, you're still gaslighting.

Speaker 1 Like, what is that? Like, what is that? What screw in the brain is loose on that one? I don't even think the screw is loose. I think someone at the factory forgot to put it in.

Speaker 1 It's something.

Speaker 1 It's something.

Speaker 1 Okay. How are you feeling? I feel great.
There was no coconuts involved. So I am just like thriving.
I feel like I watched like a back-to-back action movie. Wow.

Speaker 1 Man.

Speaker 1 That was

Speaker 1 absurd. I was like, absurd.
I was like expecting to be put through the ringer in like the coconut story kind of way. This was enthralling.

Speaker 1 You know, I do have one that people have been tagging me in that is pretty nausea inducing, but I figured I'd ease into it. I didn't want to scare any newcomers that might be discovering us this week.

Speaker 1 And I, you know, we'll, we'll get back. We'll get there.
You're just

Speaker 1 when we're on tour, when I'm there in person, great.

Speaker 1 When we're in person, I want to feel your scream just send shockwaves through the studio.

Speaker 1 You ask and you shall receive.

Speaker 1 Chris, thank you so, so much for coming on and just being the most amazing person. I

Speaker 1 just appreciate you so much. You are one of the most authentic, kind, funny, smart, witty people I've met on this normal person to podcaster journey.
And I just, I love you.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, I'm going to cry, bitch. What the fuck? I'm like, no, no, no, that was not part of the deal.
You

Speaker 1 complimenting me.

Speaker 1 But you have an amazing YouTube YouTube channel. You have a new show coming.
Where can people find you? You can find me. You can just Google Chris Clemens baby and the rest.

Speaker 1 Well, maybe actually don't do that. I think my ass cheeks come up on Google Pages.
Oh, oh. I mean, like, I put them up there, but like, you know, it's not great.

Speaker 1 You can find me on the internet, Chris Clemens.

Speaker 1 God, I'm just everywhere.

Speaker 1 There is nothing I hate more than like having to plug myself. I'm like, your ass cheeks do not come up.
You're safe. Oh, great.
Just Google Chris Cummins. I'm on YouTube, TikTok,

Speaker 1 podcast coming soon.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. I lied.
I did scroll a little further and

Speaker 1 your, I got laser hair removal ass shot does come up.

Speaker 1 Oh, that one's okay, though. That, I mean, not, it's not great, but yeah.
Okay. Thank you so much for having me.
I literally literally love coming on this podcast.

Speaker 1 This feels like my home away from home. And I just now I'm going to jerk you off a little.
Like you too are the most like genuine, kind, caring,

Speaker 1 like every positive adjective I could think of. You are that.
Like you really do just care about the people around you and making everyone feel good and seen. And you are just,

Speaker 1 that brain of yours is so goddamn big. So I love you.
I love you. I love you that you're in the family.
But

Speaker 1 thank you.