185: Lesson to Learn?

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Speaker 1 We cover a lot of hot takes on this show, but here's something that's just a smart take: staying in control of your body after unprotected sex. Enter Plan B: emergency contraception.

Speaker 1 It's safe, effective, backup birth control you take after unprotected sex to help prevent pregnancy before it starts. You have up to 72 hours after unprotected sex to take it.

Speaker 1 Sooner you take it, better it works. And anyone can buy it.
It's legal and available in all 50 U.S. states at all major retailers.
Follow Plan B on Insta at plan B one step. Use as directed.

Speaker 1 Snoo. Okay.
I think we're rolling on everything.

Speaker 1 I've got a pumpkin cider here.

Speaker 1 Cracked.

Speaker 2 I'm really excited to try this.

Speaker 1 Not spilling on the new chairs.

Speaker 1 That just, that sounds terrifying. I need to bring some tide to go pens here now that I think about it.

Speaker 2 Whew, maybe these chairs were a bad idea.

Speaker 1 Maybe they were a bad idea.

Speaker 2 Now I'm kind of stressed.

Speaker 1 Just put your blanket over everything. Just, I'm so so annoying.
Like, I got a white couch and it's the comfiest couch in the world.

Speaker 1 But the amount I spill on this couch, coffee spilled, I spilled a whole glass of wine on it. Oh, yeah.
I like set it on the table behind the couch and like bumped it. Bam.
Thank God it was white.

Speaker 1 I never drink white. That was just, that was God saying, Be careful.
Calm down. Be careful.

Speaker 2 That's the thing about getting nice stuff like this is that, because I'm over here, you got this for the studio. This is going to be on camera.
These are nice chairs, literally to be on camera.

Speaker 1 And I don't split your fault like the entire thing because it's too scary. It is scary, but it's okay.
You know?

Speaker 2 I spill so much. Like, it's, I don't even understand it.
I just did laundry.

Speaker 1 It's insane how much I spill.

Speaker 2 White laundry, like five seconds before coming here and put my white pants on. And then as I was leaving, running out the door, I spilled my coffee on my white pants.

Speaker 1 That's why I need this blanket too. Story of my life.
Like if there's one, if there's a pasta sauce, a red sauce, especially pasta sauce, ketchup, barbecue sauce, you name it, it will end up on me.

Speaker 1 It will find a way. Avocado.
Do you know avocado is really hard to get out of stuff?

Speaker 2 You know the hardest thing to get out, though, is foundation.

Speaker 1 Like liquid foundation. No, it literally, I have this one makeup, my foundation, and it's makeup forever.
I love the way it goes on. I get great coverage.
What do you spill?

Speaker 2 It was a little, little tiny dot. Okay, it's fine on my own shirt, thankfully.

Speaker 1 It's fine. But wow, the irony.

Speaker 2 Like, my God.

Speaker 1 Okay. But

Speaker 1 this foundation, there's something wrong with the bottle where sometimes it's like a Russian roulette. Sometimes you'll go to pump it and it'll just

Speaker 1 everywhere.

Speaker 1 I liked that sound. Everywhere.
And it happens on a brand new item, a favorite item, or right before I'm going to go out and a combination of all three.

Speaker 2 Oh, man. It's terrible.
I think it's time to get rid of the stuff, but it's so good.

Speaker 1 Makeup forever. Just fix your bottle.
Yeah. But, you know, in all of this and in life, you know, a lot of times we go through these things and there's a lesson to learn from it.

Speaker 2 You've been really good at drawing back with our little

Speaker 2 when you and I are just chatting about literally the most random stuff. I try.
You find a way to reel it back into the start of the episode.

Speaker 1 You know, I try. Today is full of stories where we're going to sit there and we're going to question: like, is there a lesson they could have learned from this? Or, oh, I think he learned his lesson.

Speaker 1 Or she, she really did not learn her lesson. Okay.
We're going to get into all of them.

Speaker 2 Is that what the title is?

Speaker 1 It's a working title. Oh.
But something to do with, was a lesson learned? You know? Yeah. Was it, did it stick? I don't know.
We shall see. Be sure to tell us what you think on all these stories.

Speaker 1 I've loved the comments lately. They've been really fun, really thought-provoking and civil.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. My, the last episode, I can't even tell you guys how happy I was that other people relate to having your eyes water when you're nervous.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 2 That I felt so heard.

Speaker 1 Everything you were worried about in that episode, like people related to the most, like the Costco thing and being scared of big stores, you were like, I don't know if we should keep that in because I don't know.

Speaker 1 Like it makes me sound weird. Relatable.
Nice. Embrace the weird.
Nice. Embrace it.
Okay, let's dive in. Let's do it.

Speaker 1 Lauren, do we want to slow ride up today, or do we just want to bam, bam, bam, bam, bam bam?

Speaker 2 I'm kind of into the bam.

Speaker 1 Hitting him where it hurts then. Okay, you ready? Barely.
Buckle up, buttercup.

Speaker 1 This one is a real juicy one to start us off.

Speaker 1 It is titled, I, 25 female, was set up on a blind date by my friends, 27 female, 28 female. It went well, and now they're mad at me, but I don't know why.
What did I do to upset them?

Speaker 1 And how do I go about reaching out to my date and friend?

Speaker 1 Sorry, this is so long. I'm just trying to include all details because I have no idea why any of this happened.
I, 25 female, have been single for a couple of years now.

Speaker 1 I had moved back home and just wasn't looking for anything, especially after ending my college career with a pretty nasty breakup.

Speaker 1 I recently moved to a new city, living on my own, woo, and made friends with some new people through various hobbies. I've been spending a lot of time time with one of them in particular.

Speaker 1 We'll call her Kelsey, 28 female.

Speaker 1 She and I were fast friends, and she introduced me to several people in her friend group who have all been super nice up until this point, including her best friend, who we will call Isabelle, 27 female.

Speaker 1 At some point when we were hanging out, it came up that I was single and not on apps or anything, and Isabel offered to set me up on a blind date with a friend of hers, 27 male.

Speaker 1 I've never been on a blind date, or honestly, have never even been set up by a friend.

Speaker 1 So I said yes, that it sounded fun, but I asked Isabelle to send him at least one full body picture of me before he agreed to it.

Speaker 1 I should mention here that the reason I asked this is because I am pretty fat. I am very comfortable with it and have been fat all my life.

Speaker 1 It's never negatively impacted my ability to date or anything else for that matter, besides some thigh chafing, lol.

Speaker 1 And I love my body regardless.

Speaker 1 However, I am aware that I'm not everyone's cup of tea and would rather he know in advance instead of feeling like he didn't know he was signing up for it and saving us both an awkward conversation.

Speaker 1 Isabel said she would. She showed me a few photos of him and he was fine as hell.
A couple of days later, Isabel confirmed he was down and sent me the lunch plans that he had arranged.

Speaker 1 The day of the date comes, and when I get to the place, I spot him and walk up to say hello. Immediately, something is off.

Speaker 1 He tells me he's here for a blind date but with a totally different person. I mention Isabel's name and then his own name.

Speaker 1 He loosens up after he realizes I'm truly not a Rando and shows me the picture Isabel had sent him and they're of a totally different person who I don't recognize and it's not me.

Speaker 1 At this point, I'm super confused and so is he. The Rando girl in the pics looks nothing like me.
We're not even the same race, body type, hair color, general style, etc.

Speaker 1 I shoot off a quick text to our group chat saying something jokey about the mix-up and then tell the guy, Ryan, 27 male, that we don't have to go on the date since he fully thought he was going out with someone else.

Speaker 1 He says he's down to at least get lunch since we're already here and it's one of his favorite restaurants. We actually wind up hitting it off.

Speaker 1 Afterwards, we walked around the city, stopped at both of our apartments to change change in a less dressy clothes, LOL, and hung out so long, we actually grabbed dinner together too. Ah, I love this.

Speaker 1 It was like seven hours, and one of the best first dates I've ever been on. At some point throughout the day, I took a selfie of us and sent it to the group chat.

Speaker 1 Neither of them had replied to my text about the mix-up, and then all I got from the selfie was a question mark reaction from Kelsey. Oh, this fucking bitch.

Speaker 1 The next day, there was a park picnic that Kelsey's friend group had put together and they had invited me to at the last big hangout.

Speaker 1 I still hadn't heard from either of them, and at this point, was honestly pretty annoyed with Isabel for going radio silent on me.

Speaker 1 But I figured maybe my tone wasn't clear, I'd made a joke about it when I broke the news, and plus, the date going well made me, quite frankly, care a lot less.

Speaker 1 When I got to the park, Kelsey, Isabel, and several other friends are there, and the mood seems good. When I walk up, everyone seems friendly enough and Isabel gets up to hug me and says, hi.

Speaker 1 I sit down and she asked me how the date was and says that's what they were talking about before I walked up.

Speaker 1 She said she was off her phone all day yesterday and woke up this morning, saw my text and realized her mistake.

Speaker 2 She said, Who makes that mistake? I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 No one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She said it was a total accident and that her brain just did that thing where you like mean to tap one thing and your brain doesn't listen and pushes a different button.

Speaker 1 To be honest, I really didn't buy this from the jump, but again, date went well and I'm in a good mood, so I kind of don't care. I'm just planning to keep Isabelle at arm's length going forward.

Speaker 1 I tell everyone about how great it was and how much time we spent together. In real time, I watch the smiles drop from Kelsey and Isabel's faces.

Speaker 1 There are four other people there, and none of them seem to notice, just telling me that they're happy for me and glad it went well.

Speaker 1 Out of nowhere, Kelsey just looks me dead in the eyes and asks me, quote, are you fucking serious?

Speaker 1 I said,

Speaker 1 quote,

Speaker 1 why wouldn't I be? I'm getting heated. And then she starts raging.

Speaker 1 She tells me I'm a fucking bitch for getting snarky with her after the, quote, stunt you just pulled, and that I should be ashamed of myself. What?

Speaker 1 Then she starts angry crying. Now I'm panicking and thinking that maybe this guy is her boyfriend or something, even though she was totally there when Isabel initially told me about him.

Speaker 1 I look at Isabel hoping she can help and she tells me to get the fuck out.

Speaker 2 What is going on?

Speaker 1 I don't even move and just ask her what the fuck is going on and who even is Ryan to Kelsey and what did I do?

Speaker 1 When I say his name, the other four people at the event go completely silent and all look down and start ignoring me.

Speaker 2 What is, what in the mean girl shit is going on right now?

Speaker 2 I'm actually freaking out.

Speaker 1 Insane. Insane.
One of them goes to comfort Kelsey, who is still crying and yelling. People in the park are looking at us.

Speaker 1 Isabel looks straight at me and very icily says, quote, for your own good, never talk to Ryan again. He doesn't date whales like you.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 And she pushes me. We're standing now off the picnic blanket and onto the grass.
It wasn't hard enough to hurt or make me fall, just enough to send a message.

Speaker 1 At this point, I am so mad, there's steam coming out of my fucking ears. And I know I could snap this girl in half like a twig if it came down to it.

Speaker 1 But I keep my hands to myself like a grown woman and say, quote, maybe you should tell him that. He seemed to like this whale well enough last night.

Speaker 1 And then I got up and walked off, not looking back, or else there's a real chance hands might have been thrown. I wish you did.

Speaker 2 I hate to say that, but

Speaker 1 I went back to my apartment and immediately called my best friend and told her what happened.

Speaker 1 She was obviously pissed on my behalf, but also incredibly confused at why they were so mad, considering they set me up on the date to begin with.

Speaker 1 I don't know if they're mad that I went on the date, mad that he showed up, mad that it went well, or some combination of those things.

Speaker 1 It's been two days since the picnic fight, and I texted Kelsey directly to tell her that I had no idea what I did beyond go on the date that Isabel set me up on and that she endorsed.

Speaker 1 I told her I was sorry if I had done something to hurt her, but I would like to be able to understand what it is that I did and that I hope she's doing okay.

Speaker 1 I have not reached out to Isabelle and don't plan to. Haven't heard from either of them.

Speaker 1 I also haven't texted Ryan because I was so overwhelmed by everything that happened, but today he texted me to see if I wanted to go out again this week.

Speaker 1 I don't know if he has any idea what's going on or if this is some kind of setup. I also don't want to rub salt in Kelsey's wound.

Speaker 1 I'm worried this guy did something really messed up to her or something like that. But I did really like him and under ordinary circumstances, I absolutely would go on a second date with him.

Speaker 1 Reaching out to Reddit because now that he's responded to me, I need to make a choice. At the very least, I'm contemplating seeing him again just so I can ask him if he knows what's going on.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I can get some kind of answer as to what Ryan and Kelsey's connection is. I've known her for five months, which isn't long, but I've never seen her react that way to anything.

Speaker 1 And it makes me worried. So one, is there a glaringly obvious faux pas I've made somewhere in here that I'm missing? Two, how should I go about responding to Ryan given the circumstances?

Speaker 1 Is it worth reaching out to him to try and get my questions answered? And three, should I be concerned about Kelsey's well-being? Is there anything I can do? Thank you in advance.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is going on?

Speaker 2 Yeah, first of all, what's going on? Second of all, They're not your friends.

Speaker 1 These are not your friends.

Speaker 2 This is like one of the worst mean girl story that I've heard.

Speaker 1 First of all, you absolutely sent the wrong photo.

Speaker 2 What, to just set your friend up on a date to embarrass her, to make her feel shitty because you thought that he was going to be like, oh, I don't want to go on a date with you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You expected him to get up and walk away.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then, and then two, to say that he doesn't go on dates with whales. What is wrong with you?

Speaker 2 How, I don't, I don't even understand how they got this far, any of them, or her, or her being friends with any of them.

Speaker 1 Because they've been friends for five months now. That's a decent amount of time.
And, like, was that all fake? Was that all a part of the plan to like be able to use her for this setup?

Speaker 2 It's so weird. Please tell me we have answers.
Please, we need answers to this.

Speaker 2 We don't. We do.
We do. You're smiling.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. We have some edits.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's get this ball.

Speaker 1 Do you like for me? So when I read this,

Speaker 1 I feel like this was a setup. And especially based on that girl's reaction of screaming, crying at the park.
Yeah. You better, and then the other one, you better stay away from Ryan for your own good.

Speaker 1 What are you going to do? Come beat me?

Speaker 2 What are you going to do? What are you going to do if I see Ryan again?

Speaker 1 I thought that was because Ryan will break your heart.

Speaker 2 I misinterpreted that.

Speaker 1 But why would they even set her up with Ryan? Yeah. If there's a chance that one of them likes Ryan, Kelsey likes Ryan,

Speaker 1 why

Speaker 1 even set her up? Why play with fire?

Speaker 2 I feel uneasy. Like I want to throw up because I have so many questions and it's making me uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 So my hypothesis, they set her up with Ryan in hopes Ryan would go on this blind date. It would go so bad and then Kelsey would be able to swoop in.
In my head, Kelsey likes him.

Speaker 1 My head, Kelsey likes him.

Speaker 2 Wait, you think...

Speaker 2 What's it called? Good luck chuck? Is that the movie? Yes. So you think they pulled a good luck chuck on her?

Speaker 1 On him? I think there's something very, very nefarious going on here. And I definitely think they were like,

Speaker 1 especially because they called her a whale. Yeah.
To use that against someone, to call someone a whale, like that is so hurtful. No matter how comfortable someone is in their body.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. No, that's messed up.

Speaker 1 That's fucked. And it's like, you, why are you friends with me if you think this of me? Why? Why?

Speaker 1 And so I really do think they used her as like

Speaker 1 this bait. Otherwise, why send the pictures that they did

Speaker 1 of this really other girl that like

Speaker 1 they catfished him? That's not an accident.

Speaker 2 That's that's a really good theory because I mean, I can't, I couldn't think of anything else, but they literally made a movie off of that. I think that's what it's called, right?

Speaker 2 The guys all hire this other guy to go on after their girlfriend breaks up with them, they hire this guy to go on a date with them and be like absolutely a terror to them, so shitty to them that the girl runs and cries back to her boyfriend that she broke up with and is like, I saw what else is out there, and you're the one.

Speaker 2 I'm so sorry for leaving you.

Speaker 1 Is that good luck, Chuck?

Speaker 1 Good luck, Chuck, is the one with Dave Cook, Dave Cook, and Jessica Elba.

Speaker 1 And any girl he sleeps with immediately goes and finds her husband right after.

Speaker 1 So, like, all these people, the rumor mill goes around, and then he just sleeps with all these people so that they can find their husband.

Speaker 2 Okay, so then

Speaker 1 I'm curious what one you are. Yeah,

Speaker 2 this will be a different movie.

Speaker 1 That sounds really good, though. Hmm.
Who's in it? Do you know?

Speaker 2 I thought it was Dane Cook. That's why I'm confused.

Speaker 1 Are there two plots in

Speaker 1 Good Luck Chuck that I've never heard?

Speaker 1 Employee of the Month? No.

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Good luck, Chuck. The character's Charlie?

Speaker 2 It's been so long.

Speaker 1 My best friend's girl?

Speaker 2 That could be it.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Let us know.

Speaker 1 You guys are always so, so good about knowing the movies. Everyone's always in the comments.
It was this one.

Speaker 2 I'm always making movie references too. I'm realizing.

Speaker 1 I like it.

Speaker 1 They're very relevant.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I don't, I don't know what the fuck to think about this. Original post has been removed.
Top comment on the original.

Speaker 1 Based on the group's reaction when you said Ryan's name, I'm guessing that there's some sort of history there. Based on the picture mix-up, there was some sort of very odd setup going on.

Speaker 1 I would just contact Ryan if you like him and ignore Kelsey. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Next comment.

Speaker 1 My guess from Kelsey's Crying is: this is an ex she's trying to get back, and Isabel told her they should try to set him up on a date with a catfish and then have OP show up instead.

Speaker 1 But it turns out he likes OP and the plan was more about crushing his ego or making other women seem bad so he's sad and the ex can pop back in with, so many women are catfish these days.

Speaker 1 You deserve better than a fat girl. Sorry, you were tricked.
Want to hook up? Go on the second date, OP.

Speaker 1 Damn.

Speaker 1 Yeah, evil.

Speaker 2 Definitely go on the second date.

Speaker 1 Evil.

Speaker 1 Edit. Okay, wow.
Was not expecting such a big response. I had to go to work, but we'll try to reply and answer additional questions later.
And please, rest assured, I will be texting Ryan back, lol,

Speaker 1 which let's talk about how great of a first date that was. I love that.
Lunch, change, get comfy clothes on, hang out for so many hours that you then need to get another meal together.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 As long as he wasn't love bombing her, I'm down for that for sure.

Speaker 1 Hello, I'm back. Edit number two.
Some additional context because I'm seeing this come up a lot. Kelsey is thin, and as far as I know, has always been thin.

Speaker 1 I've seen her Instagram history, and she has been thin for at least the last 10 years. So I think it's unlikely that Ryan ever called her fat.

Speaker 1 Also, optimistically, I am hoping that the guy I hung out with for seven straight hours wouldn't be the kind of person who would do that, but I'm not placing much faith in anybody in this meth.

Speaker 1 Until I sort it all out for myself. Isabel is also thin, almost has like a model-type type build, tall, long limbs, etc.
So same goes for her. Everyone at the picnic was also thin.

Speaker 1 There's one man and one woman in their friend group who are plus size. Neither of them were at the picnic.
No idea if they know what went down.

Speaker 1 The pictures Isabel sent Ryan don't really look like Kelsey or Isabel. or me as previously established.
Truly just appears to be some random hot girls IG feed.

Speaker 1 As I write this, I'm waiting for my entirely unrelated and from before I even moved here friend to come over and help me craft a text to Ryan and game plan for how to talk to him.

Speaker 1 Y'all have given me a ton of really helpful advice on this with a lot of variation, other than everyone definitely saying, text him.

Speaker 1 So I am. I'll probably make an update post after our meet happens, so hopefully he can fill in enough gaps for me to piece things together.

Speaker 1 In the meantime, I will continue the Siffian task of trying to read all these comments and editing the post to add more info as requested.

Speaker 1 Appreciate you guys for your resounding and moderately intimidating support. Ryan has been texted.
We did it, lads. I'm updating real time now, so I'll let you guys know when he replies.
Edit 8.13.

Speaker 1 Is this that old? Yes.

Speaker 2 God, we're all in this together. I love this.

Speaker 1 All in this together. That song will never not be in my head.
Is Ryan a fake name? I would assume so.

Speaker 1 Ryan, you out there? Yeah. Ryan and I are meeting up for coffee tomorrow.
A lot of people have been asking what the text I sent said.

Speaker 1 Won't be sharing it word for word, but in essence, I told him I would definitely like to go on a second date, but that some wild shit understatement of the century related to the photo mix-up with Isabel happened the day after our date.

Speaker 1 And that I think we should both be aware of that.

Speaker 1 And that I was pretty confused as to where the conflict had come from and was wondering if he could help fill in some gaps since he's known known Isabel longer than me.

Speaker 1 They've been friends for a couple of years.

Speaker 1 I also asked if he had reached out to Isabel about the photos after the date since as far as I know, he didn't contact her during the date and I wondered if he had heard anything from her at all.

Speaker 1 I offered to buy him coffee in exchange for my light interrogation request.

Speaker 1 He replied this morning, I sent the text like stupid late at night and said he was totally down and understood and he didn't want the shadow of Isabel's typo hanging over the second date and would be happy to help clear up the air.

Speaker 1 He said he had texted Isabel the day of the date after he got home to ask who the person in the photos she sent him was.

Speaker 1 She had actually replied to him that night and told him they were a different friend of hers, that she was setting up with a totally different person, and that she got her wires crossed and that she was super sorry to have misled him.

Speaker 1 He hit her with a got it and just left it at that.

Speaker 1 He sent me a screenshot of the text, unbidden for whatever that's worth, which he said was because he still thought it was off, but didn't feel like trying to dig for an answer that she wasn't offering up.

Speaker 1 Mind you, this all happened that night, so the picnic hadn't even happened yet. Ryan also didn't tell her anything about whether the date actually happened, let alone that it went well.

Speaker 1 We left the discussion at that and planned to meet up for coffee tomorrow. After that happens, I will hopefully have a better sense of how things went down the way they did.

Speaker 1 Obviously, I've read the comments, and I'm pretty convinced that it was a duff/slash catfish slash setup slash prank slash whatever you want to call it. But there's still a lot I'm unclear on.

Speaker 1 Most notably, why now and why Ryan? I also still have not brought up Kelsey at all to Ryan, as I'm hoping I'll be able to gauge his reaction and response better in person.

Speaker 1 That's all the info I have for the time being. Hopefully that changes in the next couple of days.
On a personal level, The sting is definitely starting to settle in.

Speaker 1 I'm pretty thick-skinned, and the whole trying to humiliate me for being fat thing never really got to me. But the betrayal itself really sucks.

Speaker 1 There's no world where I see myself ever being friends with any of them again. Yes, including Kelsey.
Thank you guys for knocking some sense into me. And Isabel can absolutely get fucked.
Ha ha!

Speaker 1 I love that. I suspect I'll never really get a full picture of how it all went down, but I'm a gossip at my core, and anything I can find out, I will.

Speaker 1 Thank you again for all the support, and I will keep you all posted.

Speaker 1 That's it? That's all we got. What?

Speaker 1 Come on. We don't get an update from their date.

Speaker 1 So unfortunately, Reddit has since suspended the account. Why? Why, Reddit?

Speaker 2 Who's working for you?

Speaker 1 There is a comment because I'm reading the post off of r slash spilled tea,

Speaker 1 spilled spiced tea.

Speaker 1 And in the comments, people are like, can someone upvote this when there's an update, please? OP's account was removed and the post was deleted. It wasn't removed.
It's suspended.

Speaker 1 It was shadow banned, apparently, and mods can't or won't give any additional information. OP is working with another Redditor to try and get it back.

Speaker 2 I don't, why does this happen on Reddit?

Speaker 1 It's so frustrating. I feel like they over

Speaker 1 police in order to keep

Speaker 1 things like

Speaker 1 factual, not AI posts, real, authentic, but like this to me feels very genuine.

Speaker 2 So for this person to that's what I'm saying, it feels like the ones that don't make sense or the ones that they are the ones that don't make sense for them to censor, they censor.

Speaker 2 And that's what I don't understand.

Speaker 2 And then meanwhile, we have Twitter right next door with porn. So I'm like,

Speaker 1 I don't,

Speaker 2 I don't understand. Was it her get fucked comment? Like, why, why did you take that down? I'm upset.

Speaker 1 So, someone does have a guess that it was fake, but it really seems genuine. So, I don't know.
I would say out of a lot of the posts I've read, this one seems very real. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Given the detail, given, you know, it's not that hard to write out a well-written post and not have it be AI. Yeah.
Like, some people are really good writers.

Speaker 1 B, one of the crap non-friends found it and got them all to mass report it. C, some other dumb reason we don't really know

Speaker 1 uh i'm trying to google search and just see if

Speaker 1 there's other

Speaker 1 things you know like another account that op made or anything like that but i'm not seeing anything so that's where we were left at well

Speaker 1 at least we got the second date booked and the friends no longer friends so happy ending happy ending i will say on the line that op says here i'm pretty thick skinned and the whole trying to humiliate me for being fat thing never really got to me.

Speaker 1 But the betrayal itself really sucks. I will say, like, that line, like having friends betray you.
And it's like, you kind of evaluate and you're like, well, why were you friends with me at all?

Speaker 1 This whole friendship was fake. Yeah.
You used me. You got close to me the whole time so you could do this.
Right.

Speaker 1 That would really hurt. But I will say, I don't think they were trying to humiliate her for being fat.

Speaker 1 I genuinely believe it is about ryan yeah and she was collateral damage right it's just disgusting it really is treat people kindly op if you're out there i know you're out there so give us an update how's ryan how's how's it going

Speaker 1 no one has that good of a first date and it doesn't go somewhere keep us keep us posted let us know

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along.

Speaker 1 This episode of Two Out Takes is brought to you by Wayfair. This is not your first rodeo.

Speaker 1 After all of the wild and somewhat uncomfortable stories we read on this show, one thing's for sure, life can be unhinged. That's why your home should be your calm, comfy, happy place.

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Speaker 1 Okay, this next one. It's coming from r/slash relationship advice, 15 hours old, titled, I, female 26, accidentally had my baby at my friend, female 31's house, and now she's pissed.

Speaker 1 How do I solve this? What?

Speaker 1 Oh my god, okay.

Speaker 1 I don't even know where to start with this. I'm sorry for bothering y'all with it.
English is not my native language, by the way, so I'm sorry if this is riddled with mistakes.

Speaker 1 I'll also use fake names to make it a bit easier to follow. I have a close friend group consisting of seven women, including myself.
We're all around the same age, 26 to 32.

Speaker 1 Some of us have known each other since we were we kids, so some are closer than others.

Speaker 1 We do girls' nights about every month, but decided to keep a chill and do a movie night at Ella's house, seeing as myself and Sarah are pregnant. I was at 36 weeks at the time.

Speaker 1 I'd been having some discomfort for some days, nothing I wasn't told was completely normal when things suddenly got kicked up a big ass notch. I don't know if that's how you say it.

Speaker 1 Things got a bit hazy from there, but I went from discomfort to active labor in a short time. I didn't feel comfortable moving at that point, so someone called our version of 911.

Speaker 1 With the help of the EMT, my child, with impeccable timing and a flair for the dramatic, was born on my friend's sofa.

Speaker 1 The girls were amazing, supportive, but when the EMTs came, they did ask most of them to leave, and I was grateful they did, as it was very overwhelming.

Speaker 1 I only asked Grace to stay, who I've known since we were tiny humans, and at that point, I had already crushed her hand, her words. She is also a nurse.
The weeks after have been a whirlwind.

Speaker 1 Despite everything, baby and I are fine. My partner was initially upset she missed her birth, but moved on quickly as she fell in love with our baby.

Speaker 1 Thing is, that Ella has been cold towards us since. She's the only one who hasn't come by.

Speaker 1 When I apologized and thanked her, she sent me a bill for the sofa, which I don't mind paying at all, but it still felt kinda harsh.

Speaker 1 Sarah and some of the others said she was upset I and the EMT sent her outside. I love those girls, but I already was in a panic and having all of them there was just too much.

Speaker 1 Ella seems really hurt, though. Sarah and Grace mentioned she at first didn't want to leave.
I don't even remember this, as it's her house, that she wanted to be there when the baby was born.

Speaker 1 Apparently, Sarah's the one who told her it's not about her now and got her out. She did ask months before to be there as well, but we had already decided only my partner was going to be there.

Speaker 1 I don't really know how to fix this. I feel guilty.
My wife says I shouldn't. How do I go about all of this? She barely wants to speak to me.
She's been distant towards the girls as well.

Speaker 1 What do I do?

Speaker 1 I mean, if I fucked up somebody's couch with some amniotic fluid, poop blood, I'm buying them a new couch.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's the thing is that I'm like inclined to be like, this is a birth that came unexpected. Let's just roll with the punches here for sure for everyone involved.

Speaker 2 But I will say that like, that would be the number one thing I would do is offer to replace anything. And it's probably a lot cheaper than your hospital bills.
So,

Speaker 1 oh, oh, this is very true. Yeah, very true.
God, seeing some of the bills people post on TikTok is insane.

Speaker 2 I was just looking it up recently. It's specifically without insurance, it's actually really scary how expensive it can be.

Speaker 1 I'm just looking at the average cost to have a baby in the U.S.

Speaker 2 Without insurance, it can be like 30 grand for a C-section,

Speaker 2 which is crazy.

Speaker 1 Giving birth costs $18,865 on average, including pregnancy delivery and postpartum care, according to Kaiser Health System Tracker.

Speaker 1 That's a lot to have a baby. And then it sounds like, you know, this couple obviously might have additional costs associated with that because it is a lesbian couple.

Speaker 1 Who knows if they did, you know, IVF or what, pulled out an egg, switched the egg. I don't, I don't know.
But

Speaker 1 I would be upset about the couch if I was that person. Like, I don't think she should be expected to replace her couch.
And I get this is a totally uncontrolled situation. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, how, who does this happen to? I'm surprised they didn't move her in the bathtub, though. I'm going to be honest.

Speaker 2 The only thing that I don't really like, though, is the way of handling it. I think that your friend.

Speaker 1 Signing her the bill.

Speaker 2 Yeah, your friend that you've been friends with for so long just had a baby. I think kind of there's things to address first.
Very excited for you, XYZ.

Speaker 2 And then, hey, can we talk about the couch? Because it's ruined. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I just, it, but I, but there was a whole nother layer that was factored in where she felt completely um kicked out of her house, kicked out of her own house, and when she already wanted to be there for the birth in general, and now she's getting kicked out of her own house.

Speaker 2 So, like, I get that there's other resentments there, but um, I mean,

Speaker 1 I would say that's probably the biggest resentment. And that's probably why she even sent the bill for the couch.
Right. It's almost like a punishment.
Like, well, you didn't let me stay.

Speaker 1 Here's the bill for my couch. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Which that's kind of hard for me to relate to because I don't really want anyone to be in the delivery room with me besides, you know, my partner.

Speaker 2 And then I also don't have a desire to be in the delivery room with for somebody else. Yeah.
But I know that that is extremely, you know, like people get really heated and sensitive over this topic.

Speaker 2 So that might be be what the friend is experiencing. But obviously, the communication

Speaker 1 is

Speaker 1 not very great. No, but at the same time, like,

Speaker 1 I don't know if you can expect anyone to want you in their birthing suite. Like, this is a group of seven women, so six other women were standing about while she's in active labor.
Like,

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 I wouldn't want everyone watching me. Yeah.
This is so stressful. You're 36 weeks along, unexpected, giving birth on your friend's couch.
I mean,

Speaker 1 I would be overwhelmed. Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 2 I would want everyone out of there immediately.

Speaker 1 So I don't know why she's so surprised. Like, and also

Speaker 1 you could have gone in your kitchen, maybe. You could have gone in your bedroom.
Like, it's not like you had to actually leave your house. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, I don't,

Speaker 1 this wasn't ideal for anyone. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, I I just, I don't think that anyone should expect to be right in there with somebody giving the birth unless it's your child.

Speaker 2 But I'm just trying to understand why the friend who, you know, OP's been friends with for so long would respond like this with such horrible communication.

Speaker 2 And that's what it sounds like is that there's a huge layer of hurt. But I'm not, I don't think that it's right to communicate with someone like that.

Speaker 2 There's much better ways, specifically when someone just had a baby. It's probably one of the happiest moments of OP's life like maybe

Speaker 2 maybe give some grace there's a lot of

Speaker 1 things in play yeah i think you just have to like send a message have a phone call hey can we meet up and talk i'd love to you know hash this out i noticed you've been kind of distant towards me and i don't want that we've been friends for ages and hash it out and pay for the couch.

Speaker 1 Yeah, which is relaxed.

Speaker 2 That's why I'm like, I'm on, I'm on OP's side, besides the fact that I think OP should have offered to pay for the couch

Speaker 2 beforehand.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Without having to be asked, you know?

Speaker 1 Especially week, I mean, it sounds like this is weeks after. Yeah, exactly.
Weeks after. And to not be like, I'm obviously wasn't expected, but I'm sorry about your couch.
Let me know what I can do.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I get maybe not right away.
You just popped out a baby. You need time, bond, do all this.
But at least, you know, it's been weeks now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this one. I had an unplanned home birth.
A friend suggested I call the insurance company. It turns out accidental damage included damage from amniotic fluid, and I got a new sofa.
Nice.

Speaker 1 That's the lesson we learned. There you go.
Call your insurance company before you send your friend a bill. There you go.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, hot tip right here. Thanks.
Who would have thought?

Speaker 2 That's hilarious.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, bad advice, unfortunately. Most home insurance companies would absolutely love for you to make a claim over something relatively cheap so they can raise your rates at the next renewal.

Speaker 1 Very rarely is it worth it.

Speaker 2 We keep learning.

Speaker 1 We keep learning. Don't take that lesson then.
Fuck.

Speaker 1 But someone does mention OP isn't from the U.S., it seems. So insurance might work differently where she lives.
Inquiring about it couldn't hurt in any case. There is an edit from OP,

Speaker 1 but there are some comments

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 OP responds to as well.

Speaker 1 So, OP did respond to the insurance comment. Oh my God, I didn't even consider it.

Speaker 1 Also, it might be something that OP could claim as like, I damaged this property, even though, you know, it's her friends.

Speaker 1 OP is from Belgium. So, someone goes, I'm surprised you didn't offer to pay for the sofa after the fact.
Pay her for the sofa and set up a time to talk to her directly.

Speaker 1 Make it clear you want to hash it out and clear the air. Maybe try and schedule a time to pay her in person so you can talk then.
And OP responds.

Speaker 1 A lot of people thought OP was crazy for not offering to pay. Like a lot of people were actually pissed at OP for this.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I very much understand. I also planned to.
It was only fair. I just hadn't gotten around to offering it yet.
I messaged her to thank her and apologize about a week after I gave birth.

Speaker 1 She immediately asked for the payment, which I get. She's just been cold towards me and I'm a people pleaser, so I get stressed.

Speaker 1 And someone does ask, could your partner or family have helped with the cleanup? Because cleaning up that much bodily fluid would have been disgusting and shouldn't have been left to her alone.

Speaker 2 I didn't even think about that.

Speaker 1 Ooh, I didn't either. Someone after responds to the initial one about like paying her for the couch.

Speaker 1 It's small, but I think if you stated your intention to pay for the couch in this message, it might have gone differently.

Speaker 1 She may have thought if she didn't bring it up now, it will be in the past and harder to recoup the cost as time moves forward. And that is true.

Speaker 1 I could see how the friend would have perceived this as like, oh, she's just trying to like apologize or brush me off. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And OP goes, yeah, I do regret not doing it immediately. Yeah.
Thank you for the comments.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's definitely, I think everyone's in agreeance on that.

Speaker 1 Just seeing if there's any other comments.

Speaker 1 So she was in a different room with the others. I honestly don't know how long.
Once baby was born, we both got taken to the hospital. And yeah, baby's head emerged soon after they arrived.

Speaker 1 They decided against it, which I assume is like taking her in directly or moving.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 yeah, just regrets not doing it immediately. And then we do have an edit.
I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed by all the replies, so I'm going to take a step away from this.

Speaker 1 I do appreciate all of you taking your time, whether kind or not so much. The situation has been insane for us, but also for her.
And I hadn't properly thought of that, which is very much on me.

Speaker 1 I'm going to try and reach out again, pay her back everything, as I should, and try and resolve this somehow. I care about her.
I want to make this better.

Speaker 1 I don't think it's about her sofa, but there's only one way to find out.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry for my comment in the beginning about my English. I'm genuinely not a native English speaker.

Speaker 1 A lot of you are accusing me of this being fake because of the situation, which I can't blame you for. I wouldn't have believed it if it hadn't happened to me.
And because of the way I speak.

Speaker 1 My wife says to take it as a compliment about my English, but I feel incredibly guilty. I'm sorry to anyone I've offended.
I'm also sorry about the the joking way I spoke about it.

Speaker 1 Definitely not meant to make light of a situation. Stop apologizing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, she said she's a people pleaser.

Speaker 1 That's true. Thanks to everyone.
Good luck. Baby, wife, and I, thank you for your words.
Okay. There we go.
Yeah. Good lessons all around.

Speaker 2 Yeah, nothing too crazy.

Speaker 1 Nothing too wild.

Speaker 2 It would be a crazy story if OP was like,

Speaker 2 how dare she suggest that I pay for the couch?

Speaker 2 But I feel like it was just a

Speaker 2 missed opportunity. Like, OP should have offered it earlier.
OP has no problem paying.

Speaker 2 OP just had a lot going on in OP's mind.

Speaker 1 And say OP one more time. Take a shot.
Every time Lauren says, OP.

Speaker 1 And if she reaches out and says, hey, I love you. Pay for the couch.
I want to make this better.

Speaker 1 If it's not received well, then that lady just, she's being an ass.

Speaker 1 Like, you can only, you know, work with what you're getting. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And that's the thing is that if, if she's holding this against her, that she got kicked out of her own house, she was in a completely different state of mind.

Speaker 2 And somebody else asked her to leave the house. So, like, I don't think it's necessarily fair to hold that against and

Speaker 1 it wasn't the house, just another room. So, it's not like you're standing outside in the cold.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're probably in your kitchen eating some snacks,

Speaker 1 which snacks sound. Sounds so good right now.
I'm so hungry.

Speaker 1 Okay. Moving on.
I never can eat snacks again on this show. Wow, God.

Speaker 1 I know the one day I couldn't cut mic lines. Yeah.
Sabotaged you, Lauren. Brutal.
Moving along. This episode of Two Hot Takes is presented by DiSerono.

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Speaker 1 Okay, this next one is coming from Am I the Asshole, four days old. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Being Excited That My Husband Painted Our Bedroom?

Speaker 1 I, 34 female, just came back from a girls' week getaway while my husband, 36 male, stayed home with the kids. I was off the grid, so we didn't text very much, and it was a fantastic trip.

Speaker 1 I was excited to get home and see my husband and the kids.

Speaker 1 The last day was all travel with a connecting flight, so after my husband picked me up from the airport with the kids, it was pretty late, and I was tired.

Speaker 1 My husband didn't really act like he was excited to see me, but the kids went crazy and that was fun.

Speaker 1 When we got home, I went upstairs to to put the kids to bed, and I found out that the kids' rooms were different colors from what I left.

Speaker 1 I asked my husband about it, and he was smiling and saying the rooms were always those colors, and that I must have been misremembering.

Speaker 1 But the kids ratted him out and said that he had painted their rooms. He then showed me our bedroom, and oh my gosh, was it dot dot dot dot green?

Speaker 1 I know I had once told my husband that I wanted the room dark green, but this was like forest green.

Speaker 1 My husband also has a habit of just doing things around the house, like getting a ping-pong table without my say, and we've had arguments before about how I'm not included in his decision making.

Speaker 1 Anyways, I did not react in the way my husband expected. I wasn't outright mad, just not happy.

Speaker 1 After the kids went down and he was putting the bedroom back together, together, I came in to talk to him about why I wasn't included in this decision.

Speaker 1 And he told me that he was upset at my reaction, that I didn't appreciate the time and work it took to paint the rooms over the weekend, that I had not yet said thank you, and that he needed some time to cool off.

Speaker 1 Later on, he came downstairs after he had put everything back together and said that I was welcome to repaint the room.

Speaker 1 When I tried to talk to him about including me in these decisions, he stopped me and said, that's not how surprises work, and said that this was a hill I shouldn't be fighting over.

Speaker 1 I felt like he basically invalidated me because he wanted to surprise me. I said I just wanted to come home to him and the kids, and instead spent the night crying because I upset him.

Speaker 1 He said he was sorry for how I felt, but did so in a way that meant he didn't care and wanted the conversation to be over.

Speaker 1 He then went to his office to play on the computer. So here I am, typing alone in bed in a very, very green room.

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 Okay, so because they've already had this conversation about including OP in the plans and that these surprises haven't gone well before, that's why I think that

Speaker 2 the husband was in the wrong.

Speaker 2 But I will say that if I painted the house and put all the work in there and was so excited to surprise my partner when they got back from a trip and they reacted that way, I would 100% be crying.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I would be so, so sad.

Speaker 1 I'm really torn on this one. And I have not seen the overall vote.
I haven't read a single comment. This was actually a blind read for me.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And it's just the fact that, you know, the kids were excited. They probably got to pick out their own paint colors.
Oh.

Speaker 1 And it's kind of like tomato tomato, right? Because when she said I didn't realize the kids got to pick out their colors, I'm assuming they did because their rooms were painted as well.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so it was probably like a fun weekend with dad painting the rooms and picking out colors.

Speaker 2 And specifically, because she said that she wanted the room to be dark green, and then she said, but it's forest green. I don't know the difference either.

Speaker 1 I just like I get like an olive green and a Kelly. I, there's a lot of colors, but like forest green is a dark green.

Speaker 2 Right. That's that's why if her husband was

Speaker 2 like painted it like neon or something just out of the blue. But the fact that his wife said dark green

Speaker 2 and he painted it dark green, he probably was so excited to surprise her.

Speaker 1 That. And so I feel like.
Even if it's not the exact color you envisioned, at least be appreciative that one, he was listening to you when you said you wanted a dark green room. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Two, he went out of his way to do this nice gesture. I think it would be a totally different story if it was red or pink, because then it's like, no, you just created more work for me.

Speaker 1 You didn't listen to me. He thought he was doing a really nice thing.
And I get some people are like, but it was disrespectful. He didn't involve her.

Speaker 1 I'm going to look at this as like, it was truly a nice gesture and he wanted to take something off of her plate. Right.
That being said,

Speaker 1 I myself can be guilty of this where I do enjoy being involved in things, like even if it's so minuscule and like, I don't know if it's a control thing type A personality, but like I just like to have a say.

Speaker 1 And so when people like make decisions for me, like, I, I just kind of like, I get a little razzled by that, you know?

Speaker 1 So I can see why she was thrown off if she's, if she's like me in that regard.

Speaker 2 And then that's why I was saying specifically because they've had these conversations before that you'd think maybe they'd be on the same page of like, okay, maybe surprises aren't the best for us.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And like a ping pong table,

Speaker 1 it does feel different than a painted room, but it, the bottom line is like, hey, please consult me on big decisions. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I don't know. I feel like it just wasn't,

Speaker 1 I would be very sad by that reaction.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 2 I would be, like, I'm just thinking that if I did this and Brian came home and reacted that way,

Speaker 2 I'm, I would literally be bawling. Like all, I know, because I know I would be sweating, putting like the paint up and getting the ladder up.

Speaker 2 And like I'm going balls to the wall and painting the color that I think that he wanted. And he came back and reacted that way.
I would literally be bawling.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 2 So, but I do, but yeah, that's why this one, I'm curious to hear what the comments say because I don't really know who's the asshole in this one.

Speaker 1 I'm like kind of leaning towards like, and everyone sucks here more so, I think. Because OP is like, I get it.
Like, paint is such a personal thing to pick out.

Speaker 1 There's so many subtleties in the color.

Speaker 1 Like, if you've ever gone to a hardware store, a Lowe's, Home Depot, whatever, and you sit there and look at the paints and you're just like, are they fucking different? Like, what?

Speaker 1 And then lighting changes everything. Like, your room lighting could change.
Natural lighting coming in could change the color. Color theory is just

Speaker 1 crazy.

Speaker 2 Well, and that's the thing that's

Speaker 2 the catch-22 about this is that as much as I would be so sad if my partner reacted that way, I also

Speaker 2 very well might react that way if I came back and my partner painted the different color. Like, I just, I genuinely think I'd be like, I'm sorry, but we change it back.

Speaker 1 I know. And I think that's why I'm like having such an odd reaction to this one.
Because

Speaker 1 I, I recognize that her reaction is probably something I would do and I feel bad about it. Yes.

Speaker 2 That's such a good way to put it.

Speaker 1 I literally feel bad about it because I know like when people go out of their way to do nice things, you should at least appreciate it or like comment, like, thank you. I appreciate it.

Speaker 1 But or maybe, like, maybe address it the next day, but then when you're like me, it just like eats you outside until you get it out. Yeah.
So, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I, I feel like I'm maybe just no assholes here and they just need to better their communication. This is one of the tougher ones, honestly.

Speaker 2 It just, it kind of reminds me of when my

Speaker 2 college boyfriend gave me a watch for Christmas or something. And then it was so beautiful.

Speaker 2 And he spent a lot of money on it and spent a lot of time picking it out and was so excited to give it to me. And my reaction was like, oh, it's so lovely.

Speaker 1 I don't really wear watches that often though.

Speaker 2 I literally am still haunted by my reaction because I couldn't believe like how

Speaker 2 it just.

Speaker 1 I'm like, no, I love it. I absolutely love it.

Speaker 2 I'm so sorry I said that.

Speaker 1 I don't know what came over me. Yeah.
I've done that with so many presents where it's just like, I've told my mom, I'm like, I don't really want anything for the holidays.

Speaker 1 And then she'll get me stuff that, like, it, she's just, she's got some trauma around Christmas.

Speaker 1 So she like loves to gift, give, and that's like her love language of like giving gifts for the holidays.

Speaker 1 And for me, I'm just like, you know, I, this is great, but like, I didn't really, I didn't really want this. And it's like, then I make her feel like shit.
It's just like, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 We all could work on that.

Speaker 2 I think my, my college boyfriend, I think he

Speaker 2 actually returned it.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 he did return it, but he said, Let's go get something that you know you would wear all the time because I like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but then I don't think we ever got something new. So, you got no gift.
So, I got what I deserved is what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 so top comment on this one. What I'm hearing is that your husband regularly makes decisions around the home and for your family without your input.

Speaker 1 Then, he expects you to be grateful because he's, quote, doing this for you.

Speaker 1 When you try to explain how you feel left out out and dismissed, he invalidates your feeling because his feelings are more important than yours.

Speaker 1 It sounds like either one, he truly believes that he knows what is best for you and your family, and he is humoring your opinion, but then doing what he wants, and/or two, he can't be bothered to communicate with you first and talk to you now because that takes effort.

Speaker 1 Either way, he is dismissing you. These are interactions that lead to resentment, anger, and relationships breaking down, not the asshole for being upset.

Speaker 1 Next comment, ugh, that's the worst kind of helper.

Speaker 1 The, I did this for you, even though you didn't ask for it, and now I'm mad at you for not having the reaction I wanted you to have. Kind

Speaker 1 that's an interesting perspective.

Speaker 2 I see it. This one is just hard for me all around because I see it.

Speaker 1 I'm struggling. Yeah, I'm struggling.

Speaker 2 I, like I said, I can feel out both ways. So I'm having a hard time.

Speaker 1 I feel like if it's just the ping-pong table and the paint,

Speaker 1 I feel like it's probably like it feels like it's a bigger deal than it like needs to be, based like that comment, you know?

Speaker 1 But if there's multiple other things, if it's ping pong table, the family car, the kitchen cabinet,

Speaker 2 the paint, then it's like, oh, I'd be pissed if it was a car, the family car, and no conversation. Yeah, it depends upon like how much is going on.

Speaker 1 I wonder if there's any comments from OP.

Speaker 1 No comments.

Speaker 2 But I do think I...

Speaker 2 You know that book, What Makes Love Last? I kind of, when they talk about the bids, it almost feels like both of them were doing these bids where it was like, oh, she said she wanted to be forest

Speaker 2 green. I'm going to get it, make it green.
She's going to be so happy. That's my bid.
And then he felt like the resentment.

Speaker 2 And then it feels like on the other side, she's like, I've had this conversation with him. My per bid is to like show him that.

Speaker 2 I want to have this conversation with you and talk to you about this because I want to make sure you're hearing me. And then he dismissed that.

Speaker 2 So it's almost like they're both just missing each other on what they're trying to do is what it sounds like.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, unless the husband really does just suck, like these comments are saying, maybe, and maybe like he just doesn't give a shit about her opinion. That would be completely different.

Speaker 2 But I think that is what depends. Is it a ping-pong table and the paint, or is there much more? Because it's much more than like a different conversation.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I feel like I need a little bit more context from OP. I think the feelings are valid.
I know I personally would react in the same way, so I don't necessarily falter for it.

Speaker 1 I think for me personally, I just reading this one, I realized like, just be a little bit more gracious when you get a present, even if it's something you don't like.

Speaker 1 And it's, I don't know, then some people would be like, but you don't have to. It's like,

Speaker 1 but like, I, I'm going to believe that people are trying to do good. I don't, you know, I don't like looking at the world so negatively.
Yeah. Even though like it can go there.

Speaker 1 But I'm going to go with like he was trying to do something really nice. He went with a dark green.
So he clearly did care what his wife thought.

Speaker 1 Otherwise, he would have picked a totally different fucking color.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm thinking too.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I don't know, man. Let us know.
Overall, vote was not the asshole. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, I never thought she was the asshole.

Speaker 1 I feel like there's just no assholes. Now that I'm thinking about it, I feel like there's just no assholes here.
They're just not communicating very well. Right.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And I don't think that she's the asshole because I think that she, um,

Speaker 2 it sounds like she came about it really respectfully.

Speaker 2 The only thing that maybe we could recommend is that maybe it would have been more helpful to the situation if maybe you waited a day so that everyone could kind of settle down and then say, you know, I love what you did here, but

Speaker 2 it's not my favorite.

Speaker 1 Can we maybe talk about a better color?

Speaker 2 And I'm so sorry because I know you put effort and I love that you surprised me, but I'm also not feeling very heard. But that shit is so hard to do.

Speaker 1 Like, it's, I honestly just think couples counseling. Like, if you can't communicate how you're feeling without him getting defensive and turning it around, then like that's an issue.
So, you know,

Speaker 1 couples counseling, work on the communication, but no assholes here. No, that's my final vote.
No assholes here. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's just, it's too hard for me to like

Speaker 2 wait it out and let the dust settle. Like what I'm trying to recommend.
I just, I feel like I would say it immediately.

Speaker 1 I feel sick if I hold shit like that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 I do. But was there a lesson that could have been learned here, Lauren?

Speaker 2 I think I'm still like figuring out the lesson for myself, right?

Speaker 1 Don't paint without everyone's mutual agreement on the color. That's my, that's my lesson.

Speaker 2 That's true. Surprises that are not easily reversible, maybe you make 100% sure that it's the right surprise.

Speaker 1 Then paint swatches. Disguise what it is.
Say pick the color. Haha.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Moving along.
Okay.

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Speaker 1 Okay, so this next one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Sister the Truth About How My Fiancé Feels About Me Pole Dancing for Him?

Speaker 1 I started pole dancing for fitness for fun, and I am really loving it.

Speaker 1 Because pole can, obviously, be exotic, I told my fiancé that I would like to dance for him once I improve and feel comfortable performing.

Speaker 1 I thought it would be a kind of special thing for us and boost our intimacy. Well, when I told him this, he started being kind of weird and didn't seem interested.

Speaker 1 I asked him how he really felt about it since he seemed off, and he said that he has never been interested in having a girl he's with pole dance. He said he sees it as being slutty.

Speaker 1 He then told me that he'll let me dance for him, but to not be upset if he's uninterested during it or doesn't react at all. No lie, that kind of hurt and made me a bit sad.

Speaker 1 My sister FaceTimed me last night, and I haven't talked to her in a while. When I told her I am pole dancing, she immediately said, quote, ooh, I bet he loves that.

Speaker 1 And I told her that he had said he isn't interested and doesn't care about the exotic part. He heard me say this and got mad.

Speaker 1 When I got off the phone with her, he said that I made him look bad by telling her that, that he looks like an asshole now. I replied that it was the truth.
What else am I supposed to say?

Speaker 1 He said that I took what he said wrong and that he didn't mean it that way.

Speaker 1 He just sees it as slutty and never had the interest before and doesn't know if he'd like it. I told him that's still the same thing, not being interested, LOL.
So am I the asshole?

Speaker 1 I didn't want to make him look bad. I felt I was just being honest.
No, you're not the asshole. I don't think so.
No, not at all. If I was like excited to share something with someone, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It is kind of like an intimate, erotic thing, which OP did have an edit. I said exotic when it should have been erotic.
My bad bad people, give me a break. It is kind of like this hot thing.

Speaker 1 It's different than going to a strip club. Like, this is you and your partner.
And pole dancing should be an Olympic sport. I'm sorry.
I saw that break dancer from Australia. She was terrible.

Speaker 1 I'd rather see women use their strength on the pole.

Speaker 1 She flopped like a fish. I could break dance better, and I've never even tried.

Speaker 2 I liked the memes a lot.

Speaker 1 The memes were good.

Speaker 2 I liked when people redid it actually on their TikTok.

Speaker 1 They were pretty good. Did you see that? There was like a chicken that did it.
No.

Speaker 1 People got wild. Oh, but I just think it's hurtful the way he said it.
Like, yeah, fine, but don't be mad if I don't like it or don't respond.

Speaker 2 And actually,

Speaker 1 I might just spit on you.

Speaker 1 Like, that's how I heard it. I'm like, God damn, dude.

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I, well, that's the thing is that at first I was thinking, okay, the way this is being read, he definitely sounds like a jerk.

Speaker 2 But at the same time, if he genuinely thinks that it's not something that he is interested in, but he'll watch and support, but he doesn't want to make her feel bad if he's not like super turned on, then like at least he's being honest.

Speaker 2 It's unfortunate because, you know, OP is excited about it, but he's trying to be honest.

Speaker 2 But the part where he really lost me is that the fact that he's getting pissed off that she told her sister exactly what he said. That's

Speaker 1 what you said.

Speaker 2 Was it supposed to be a secret?

Speaker 1 Shut up. Like,

Speaker 1 that's that's almost a red flag to me.

Speaker 2 I'm like, that's

Speaker 2 you're weird. You're being weird.

Speaker 1 So, you're trying to control the image people have of you. You're being controlling and you don't want to look bad to other people, which I know is somewhat natural, but

Speaker 1 it is what you said. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, and if when you said it, you didn't mean to be an ass,

Speaker 2 then why are you mad that she repeated exactly what you said? And now you look like an ass. I don't know what to tell you, buddy.

Speaker 1 That got burned burned a little bit, then you deserved it. Yeah.
So, the top comment on this one: not the asshole.

Speaker 1 I don't understand why people expect that when you say something to someone, they are not allowed to discuss that with other people.

Speaker 1 You are certainly allowed to discuss whatever you would like with your sister, unless there was a boundary or expectation set before the conversation.

Speaker 1 There's another comment from that same person: wait, you said a strip club is on his bucket list? So, he's not actually opposed to or turned off by pole dancing.

Speaker 1 He just wants to pay a complete stranger for it. Did I black out during that?

Speaker 2 Okay, because I was going to say, did I miss that?

Speaker 1 He said he's never been interested in having a girl. He's with pole dance.
He said he sees it as being slutty.

Speaker 1 There was no mention of strip club in this. That's

Speaker 1 so it must have been shared in a comment.

Speaker 1 That's whack. So OP does crazy.
OP does respond. Yes.
And I also mentioned that. And he said he wants to go to see what the atmosphere was like.
I told him it's girls dancing naked on a pole, LOL.

Speaker 1 Edit. I know it's more than that, but just being really general here.

Speaker 1 What? Interesting.

Speaker 1 So you think pole dancing is slutty, but you're willing to go to a strip club and pay for it.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Where does that make sense? I don't like him.

Speaker 1 Me neither. Oh my gosh.
So, looking at some of the comments, the very first one from our OP here, well, he said he wanted to go to strip clubs before, so I figured he would like it.

Speaker 1 That's not why I want to pole dance, but I thought I could give him something. No, I literally just said that I'm not pole dancing for that.
There is no competition.

Speaker 1 It's a fun way to exercise, which is so, I mean, it's hard work. There's so many pole dancing studios here in LA.
That's like such a big workout.

Speaker 1 That's a big workout.

Speaker 2 i i think he's really ungrateful

Speaker 2 because i'm like if i told my partner that i wanted to take up pole dancing and get really good and show him he'd be so grateful so justin would be like

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 just bowing bowing down literally yeah well and it's like there's a big thing where

Speaker 1 When you're getting married, you give your partner a boudoir like photo shoot.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to be in Playboy. I'm not going to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated, but I might, you know, wear some lingerie and take some sexy pictures and give it to him.

Speaker 1 Like, it doesn't mean I'm a centerfold model.

Speaker 1 Like, just because she's working out and using, you know, the pole as her mode of fitness doesn't mean she's going to go and start stripping, which she does say in the comments.

Speaker 1 And I don't think there's anything wrong with being a dancer if that's what you want to do. But, like, the way he is so like he looks down on it, but yet would still go engage with it.

Speaker 1 I have a big problem with

Speaker 1 if you think it's so bad and trashy, you don't belong there. Yeah, you don't deserve those women's time.

Speaker 1 Get the fuck out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You piece of trash. Yeah, there's quite a few comments from OP.

Speaker 1 I just offered that he could choose to watch if he wanted to. Titties do be nice.
I enjoy a nice rack myself. Who said that? OP.

Speaker 1 OP's a little goofy. But I just think the way he came across, and then it's my bigger issue is like the reaction.

Speaker 2 Well, you did say it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And why can't I talk about it?

Speaker 1 And I think it is a red flag when someone starts really policing what you say to people and how you're making them look. That just, my alarm bells go off a little bit.

Speaker 2 I think it's, and it's a different story if it's something that they're talking about that's personal to them. They're asking them not to repeat it.

Speaker 2 But it's just like if you weren't trying to be a jerk when you said that, then it shouldn't be such a big deal.

Speaker 2 So, what's your problem?

Speaker 1 I know,

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's really weird.
Stay out of strip clubs, dude. Yeah.
What do you feel like the lesson is from this one?

Speaker 2 Do we not have any other updates?

Speaker 1 No. Oh, no updates from OP.

Speaker 2 I wanted to get, like, I wanted to get the reason behind the husband's comments because it feels like there's something else there, something weird.

Speaker 1 I think he's just a judgy asshole.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I don't know.
Sounds like a good idea.

Speaker 1 I'm not seeing anything in the comments.

Speaker 1 I didn't mean to make him look bad at all. I did apologize to him.
It's like, you shouldn't be apologizing to him. Like,

Speaker 1 I just feel like you should be able to have conversations with your family.

Speaker 2 And like, she should apologize to him for the fact that he's an asshole.

Speaker 1 i'm sorry you're such an asshole there you go that's an apology i think he deserves

Speaker 2 okay moving along

Speaker 1 wow i just took that from you i'm sorry no no no there is just one more i do want to read okay op does clarify i did not share anything about our conversation i told her what he told me that he's not interested that's it And I wasn't sad about him telling me no.

Speaker 1 I was sad because he was so damn aggressive and rude to me about it. It came off as attacking.

Speaker 1 So it's like, no,

Speaker 1 he's not that interested.

Speaker 1 What are you mad about, sir? You're not.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're not.

Speaker 2 That's even worse.

Speaker 1 Such a whiny, whiny little fucker. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Moving along. Okay, this next one.
It's coming from Am I the Asshole titled, Am I the Asshole for telling my friend her child's name was the same as a very prominent athlete?

Speaker 1 Two of my very close friends are expecting. The husband and I are both fans of the same NFL team, and they share the last name of a very prominent player.

Speaker 1 Yesterday was their baby shower, and they announced both the gender and the name, which was the first name of the player who they share a last name with.

Speaker 1 The two names are both very common, but put together, I think a lot of people would at least recognize it as the player's name.

Speaker 2 I'm picturing Jordan Love. Love.

Speaker 1 Afterwards, I was chatting with my friend and I complimented the name, saying it's like blank NFL player.

Speaker 1 She said, yeah, that'll be his name, and didn't seem to be aware of the athlete whose name her child would share. I told her, quote, no, it's the same as one of the top quarterbacks in the NFL.

Speaker 1 She seemed surprised, but laughed, and I thought it was odd, but no big deal. Last night, after the shower, I got a text from my other friend.

Speaker 1 He asked why I told his wife about the name's origin, saying that if she didn't know, I shouldn't have told her, and now she doesn't want to name the child after him.

Speaker 2 Wait, is this husband that's texting?

Speaker 1 I told him that I assumed she knew about the player and didn't care.

Speaker 1 If she didn't know, I think she deserves to know that her child is sharing the name of a prominent person like that, especially when there's a good chance he was actually named after him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 My friend is pissed at me and said I was meddling in his business. I didn't mean any harm.
Am I the asshole? No.

Speaker 1 I don't think so.

Speaker 2 And it's like, sir, how far does you think you'd get without your wife figuring this out?

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 1 Also, like, I feel like if I I was coming up with a baby name, I would put the name together and Google it just to like see if anything pops up. Like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'd, I'd do a bit of a deep dive.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, I have a name.

Speaker 2 I have a name that you love that I really like.

Speaker 1 And it's,

Speaker 2 there's not really anyone on Google that pops up besides these like random. Like, I found like these two girls.

Speaker 2 They're like 13-year-olds that have, and they just are like adorable little, oh my gosh, pitch squeak.

Speaker 1 It's funny though, there's another one out there yeah

Speaker 1 but yes I think that's something that would be normal for someone to do because here I am who did you've already done it yes literally uh overall vote on this one not the asshole so I feel like not at all we I think we're gonna be yeah we're on it yeah top comment you are not the asshole If true, this husband intended to trick his wife into naming their child after a sports figure.

Speaker 1 You would have no reason to suspect that, and it would not be ethical for you to join him in that purpose.

Speaker 1 OP does respond, yes, especially because we live in the city of that player's rivals, who they've lost to in the playoffs many times, and I don't want the kid to get made fun of for his name. Yeah,

Speaker 1 and that's true. Yeah,

Speaker 2 no, I think that the husband's being really silly.

Speaker 1 Next comment: Let me guess. You live in Kansas City area.
Your friend's last name is Alan, and your friend's husband wanted to name him Josh. The Chiefs live in the minds of Bills fans, rent-free.

Speaker 1 OP goes, yes, but we're not Bills fans, which is why the name choice surprised me. Hmm.
That's interesting because it's not even after his quarterback. Yeah.
It's just after a quarterback, right?

Speaker 1 Huh. If I'm going to name my kid after a quarterback, I'd pick it.
I don't know. Well, they have have the last name that kind of just stuck with them.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But nice drive.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 I actually love the name Baker. Okay.
That's cute.

Speaker 1 I don't think you were there that night, but I actually met him in Austin when we were there for our first ever live show we did.

Speaker 2 Wait, I don't know who that is.

Speaker 1 Baker Mayfield. Yeah, I don't.
He's a quarterback. He's got really good commercials.

Speaker 2 What team?

Speaker 1 I don't know where he went nowadays. He got traded somewhere.
Buccaneers, maybe? I'm not sure. But I had no idea who it was.

Speaker 1 And I met him at some like event and he had his arm in like a sling because he had just had surgery. And I go, oh, God, your arm.
I go, I hope you're doing okay.

Speaker 1 Like, did you have rotator cuff surgery? Like, what'd you do? Based on like the pillow he had it in.

Speaker 1 And he goes, yeah, how'd you know? I'm like, well, the pillow and

Speaker 1 I'm in OT and blah, blah, blah. And he goes, oh, really cool.
And I was like, Yeah, like, I hope your recovery is going well, blah, blah, blah. And we were just like talking about

Speaker 1 how annoying it is to have to do things where you can't weight bear, you can't do any active motion.

Speaker 1 Nicest dude ever.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, like, he's an NFL quarterback. He's got the best surgeons, the best PTs, the best everything.
And he's like humoring little me, like

Speaker 1 talking to him about this. And I literally walk away.
That's really sweet. And someone goes, You were talking to Baker Mayfield.
And I was like,

Speaker 1 what

Speaker 1 i was like

Speaker 1 he was so nice he was so so nice i met a football player who's who really famous well i don't want to say the name because um him and his wife were not nice and oh yeah you know what i'm talking about

Speaker 2 and he sucks and um

Speaker 2 I had no idea who they were.

Speaker 2 And then my friend came up behind me and was just like, oh my God, what were you talking to them about i was like who is the who is that girl she's so rude she was so mean to you she was so rude she was so mean but um but yeah so i

Speaker 2 the husband was just kind of there the the wife was just

Speaker 2 for no reason just uh

Speaker 1 not the best There's many, many, many, many people that have had experiences with her.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But, so that's nice that you had a really nice experience. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love when you interact with like famous people and you don't know they're famous. Yeah.
And then it's just like, or you do know they're famous, but like you play it off, like you don't.

Speaker 1 And then they're just so freaking nice. Yeah.
Haley Bieber is another one where she was so sweet. So sweet.
So sweet. And just like,

Speaker 1 seems like she was just like, oh my God, I love theme parties. Like she was just, she was so nice.

Speaker 2 And we never even mentioned that we knew who she was.

Speaker 1 No. And she was just

Speaker 1 so, nice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Moving along. Moving along.
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Speaker 1 Okay, Lauren, I'm going to give you a choice on our last one. Okay, your choices are: my 31 female husband, 32 male, has been killing my house plants with bleach.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 Or my boyfriend did not give me the first slice of cake.

Speaker 2 Uh, the bleach one.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So this is coming from our slash relationship advice. I have many, many houseplants and even some that were quite expensive and were gifts from my sister.

Speaker 1 Within the last six months, at least a third of my plants have died. I have had houseplants my whole life due to my late mother's own love of houseplants, and I know a lot about plants.

Speaker 1 The death of the plants didn't seem related to a lack of light or inconsistent watering or a lack of nutrients or even root rot. They just died very suddenly.

Speaker 1 I tried tried to not let it upset me too much because plants die, and it was not any of the expensive ones until now.

Speaker 1 My sister gave me a five-leaf Monstera Albo rooted plant for my birthday two months ago. It was beautiful.

Speaker 1 This morning, I was crying pretty hard about it as I unpotted it and took a look at the roots. And I was looking hard at this plant and roots to see if its death was pest-related.

Speaker 1 And that's when I noticed a smell. I sniffed my potting mix and I smelled bleach.

Speaker 1 The only other adult person in my home with unlimited and unobserved access to my plants is my husband.

Speaker 1 I wasn't able to talk to him for several hours, but when I could speak to him, I very calmly but very directly asked if he had done something to my plants. He denied it at first.

Speaker 1 I said I smelled bleach in the potting mix of the elbow my sister had gotten me, and that the only other person that could have put it in there was him.

Speaker 1 And he caved.

Speaker 1 He said he was putting small amounts of bleach into the fertilizer water jugs I prepare. I started crying.
I asked him, why? Why would you do this? You know I love these plants.

Speaker 1 Why would you destroy them? He didn't really answer, nor did he really apologize. The trust I had in him is absolutely gone.

Speaker 1 I think maybe counseling can help us, us, but he is the one that did this, but I'm the one that would have to set up the counseling. The angry part of me just wants to be done with the relationship.

Speaker 1 I know that might seem overboard as we are married and share a child, but I feel now that I'm not safe around my husband. What do I do?

Speaker 2 I was going to say,

Speaker 2 this might sound dramatic to you, but leave.

Speaker 2 I'm freaked out. This is creepy stuff.

Speaker 1 Why do you just kill all these plants? Bleach?

Speaker 1 Why are you putting bleach in stuff what else are you putting bleach in are you putting bleach in my food and not to be apologetic not to have an answer not to apologize this scares me this is terrifying yeah this is reminding me of the slug guy oh flashbacks and that yes it's it's way less extreme but it's still it's this weird thing to do that just makes you question everything about the person that you know and trust and love because it's like it's a power thing or it's i'm trying to like pinpoint what it could possibly be, but you're essentially knowingly killing something that brings this person joy, something that they love.

Speaker 1 Well, and if you're causing them pain on purpose, exactly.

Speaker 2 And maybe if you would have responded right away and just said,

Speaker 2 I don't know, plants drive me fucking crazy. I wanted you to just give up on them because I don't like them in the house, but I didn't want to ruin it for you and blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2 Like, then maybe I wouldn't think he's as crazy, but he'd still suck. But like, I actually am scared.

Speaker 1 I'm I'm actually scared of him. I am too.

Speaker 2 I feel like no, there's no reason. There's no remorse.
That freaks me out.

Speaker 1 There's no remorse. There's no empathy.

Speaker 2 It's just no remorse, no explanation. I'm a little freaked out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is crazy.

Speaker 1 Top comment, I don't know your partner. Hopefully you do.
But proceed with great caution.

Speaker 1 You may want to give this a read.

Speaker 1 And it is linked to a story that is titled Slug Story. I found my partner's been putting slugs in my stairway.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, I was kidding.

Speaker 1 It's literally linked to that story. I felt really off my game this episode, so that makes me feel a little better.
No, I, and I, I'm with you. Like, anytime

Speaker 1 someone tampers with someone's stuff in a harmful way, I immediately start wondering what else are they capable of? Yeah. Yes, this is just plants, but plants turn turn into people real easy.

Speaker 1 Well, and you know, that sounded weird, but you guys know what I meant, right?

Speaker 1 Plants don't actually turn into people.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. But yeah.

Speaker 2 No, and I mean, I had somebody that I lived with who I really trusted and found out that she was stealing a lot from me.

Speaker 2 Not even for any rhyme or reason, because she came from a very wealthy family. She didn't even use the the things she would take a lot of the times.

Speaker 2 And to me, it wasn't even about the things that were gone. It was more of like questioning everything else.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, this is someone I thought I knew. And now I, now I don't know.

Speaker 1 And now I don't know you.

Speaker 2 So to me, like, I take this stuff seriously.

Speaker 1 That's so terrifying to question your sanity. Yeah.
And just like be fucked with like that.

Speaker 2 Well, and that's exactly what this story is is because it's like, for me, like, I kept missing things and it was, and

Speaker 2 I was going crazy. Like, it was like, how am I, how do I continue to lose these things? I don't understand.

Speaker 2 And that's what it's making me think with this story because OP is like, how do I keep letting these plants die? I'm trying to do everything right.

Speaker 2 So it's, it's more of the like mind fuck that gets me where it's like, maybe the person who I was living with just like,

Speaker 2 maybe, maybe it wasn't harmful. It was just a weird nervous tick.
But to me, it's the

Speaker 2 way that my brain felt during all of that made it be enough for me to create a lot of separation. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just insane. There is a comment that kind of highlights more of these instances.

Speaker 1 It is in response to the person sharing the slug thread. This is the first story I thought about.

Speaker 1 Also, a more recent one where a woman's husband was secretly destroying or giving away her stuff because he was resentful of her and wanted to see her upset and crying. Psycho behavior.
Next comment.

Speaker 1 Or the guy who was deleting his girlfriend's homework and messing with her PhD thesis/slash coursework so she would fail. Or the other guy who was stealing and hiding his partner's EpiPen.

Speaker 1 Or that woman who got her boyfriend fired from every job he had by making false anonymous complaints about him.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Really scary stuff. Yeah.
Starts off small, and the trusting partner starts to gaslight themselves thinking this is too outlandish to be real.

Speaker 1 But dot dot dot, like he killed her plants slowly but surely, not in a fit of anger, but with cold calculation and patience. It's so creepy.
That is so freaking creepy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, when you picture him doing that, like going and sneaking into her little watering thing and pouring in some bleach when he thinks that she's not looking.

Speaker 1 Scary. It's scary.
I'm genuinely, I'm scared. I would be testing all my food.
I would not eat anything he prepared. Like, I would be so scared what else he's tampering with.

Speaker 2 You know what?

Speaker 2 Crazy. Also, freaks me out is the fact that they share a child together because

Speaker 2 you're tied to them. Well, not only that, but then it's like, what does custody look like? And if you can't trust this person, yet they're not doing anything that's outright enough to get custody.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Then it's just like,

Speaker 2 are you gonna be nervous every single time you have to drop your kid off? Do you know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 1 bad,

Speaker 1 just bad. Yeah,

Speaker 1 there's no comments from OP,

Speaker 1 but we do have some edits. Oh,

Speaker 1 edit number one: I thank everyone for giving advice. The townhome we live in is mine, and my sister's are inheritance from my mother.

Speaker 1 My husband has an office/slash/den/slash-gaming room that is his personal space, and there are no plants there. There are also no plants in the kitchen.
I'm not a plant hoarder.

Speaker 1 Like, he has room for himself. I also have a sunroom, and that is where the concentration of plants live.
He has no reason to go in there. It's not access to our backyard or anything.

Speaker 1 I saw some people saying maybe he's sick of bugs, but I do not have a fungus gnat problem.

Speaker 1 I did see one person ask why I did not smell the bleach when I was watering, and I can only say my nose wasn't all up in there, maybe.

Speaker 1 I also usually use a natural systemic in my fertilizer water called SNS209 that smells heavily of rosemary. But I ran out last month and haven't replaced it yet.
Why is this on her at all?

Speaker 1 Why are we asking all these like, yeah, you have too many plants? Maybe he's annoyed of them. Doesn't fucking matter.
Have a conversation. Don't kill my fucking plants.
Right.

Speaker 2 I think that what I'm thinking is that maybe they're just trying to get down to the bottom of it. Like, is this serious, scary shit, or is it still extremely concerning? But, like, there's at least

Speaker 2 a motive behind it that makes sense rather than just being evil. Yeah.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 After our conversation yesterday, I needed space. I spent the night in my daughter's room on a trundle bed.
I'm going to text my husband today.

Speaker 1 He usually communicates easier and opens up more via text rather than face-to-face. I'm going to ask for a reason and I'll see what he says.
Edit two.

Speaker 1 Sorry, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to update on a separate post. My husband won't be welcome in my home anymore, and I need to find a lawyer ASAP on Monday.

Speaker 2 Did something else happen or just after reading everything?

Speaker 1 I did text him, and he admitted again to putting bleach in my fertilizer water.

Speaker 1 He says it wasn't every jug I ever made, so that explains why it wasn't all my plants dying, but randomly over the past six months. His exact words were that I deserved to be be knocked down a peg

Speaker 1 what the

Speaker 1 for having plants for having a passion for having a hobby

Speaker 1 for caring about a living organism

Speaker 1 what does that even mean she needs to be knocked down a peg

Speaker 2 is he saying that Yeah, what is he saying is my question.

Speaker 1 What does that mean?

Speaker 2 Is he saying that, was he trying to say she has too many plants and he wants to have less? Or is he actually being a freak, right?

Speaker 1 You think, you think you're better than me because you have plants. You need to be knocked down a peg because I own the house we live in and I have plants in it.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Red flags. After the text communication, I went home from work early and I entered his office.
I usually respect his space. Absolutely.
I don't even go in there to grab dirty dishes.

Speaker 1 I don't know what I was looking for, but the hundreds of comments saying he was working up to something worse or already doing something else really worried me.

Speaker 1 I went in there and I found a drawer full of my daughter's dolls and dollhouse furniture and little toys. I bought her that dollhouse for her fourth birthday last year and she loved it.

Speaker 1 She takes such good care of her toys, but something always ends up missing, and it's always my husband who notices.

Speaker 1 He lectures her about keeping track of her things and how he won't let her play with her dollhouse if she keeps losing things.

Speaker 1 I'm sick. He keeps going until she starts to sob.
When I hear this going on, I always step in and ask him to take a break. I assumed he was losing his cool.

Speaker 1 I've told him this is not how to deal with this with a kid. And he says he just wants her to grow up responsible.
I now see it was some weird scheme. I'm so sick.
Or set up or something.

Speaker 1 He would steal the stuff and stash it away and point out it was gone to berate our daughter until she cried.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 My sister and her husband and her husband's dad came over this afternoon and they've changed the locks.

Speaker 1 I've texted him to tell him he isn't coming back and that he can come on Saturday morning to grab his essential things, but that my brother-in-law and another man would be there to watch. Good.

Speaker 1 Sorry if this is unclear or things seem missing. This Reddit post isn't really my priority.
It will probably not be updating again. Thank you to everyone worried about my safety.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Holy fucking shit.

Speaker 2 I literally got the chills in the worst way. Like the heebie-jeebies is what I should call them.

Speaker 1 This sick mental, psychological torture game you're doing with a fucking child?

Speaker 2 He's a psychopath. Like, I'm terrified.

Speaker 1 Oh my

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 We have an update. What? Trigger warning for this update.
It does contain talks of domestic violence.

Speaker 1 This update comes six months later.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 It actually just happened September 6th. The original post was March 21st.
I've recently got some messages asking me for an update and to let the internet know I'm safe.

Speaker 1 My daughter and I are both safe.

Speaker 1 Without getting into too much detail, but to satiate the curious, my husband, the man I thought I knew, has changed so much that I think of it like him ripping off a mask.

Speaker 1 He has sworn at me, screamed at me, and pushed me to the ground twice and kicked me in the face.

Speaker 1 Wow. Our entire marriage, I was never ever afraid of physical violence from this man.
The police have been involved. Divorce is still in progress.

Speaker 1 After an initial period of intense anger, my husband seemingly stopped caring at all.

Speaker 1 He said he doesn't want any custody and he wants to give up his parental rights of our daughter. He doesn't see her.
In the last month, I have heard he actually has a new girlfriend.

Speaker 1 His parents still talk to me. I was on good terms with his mom.
Also, a friend of my husband's, who has been friends with him since college, reached out to me to ask what is going on. We texted.

Speaker 1 He says my husband has ghosted that entire group of friends he still had after someone in the group called him out for some of his assholish behavior.

Speaker 1 One positive thing that is also sad is that my daughter is bright and wonderful. There has been such a profound change to her behavior since her dad has been gone.

Speaker 1 She's happy and silly and joyful. I guess there's been a change in both her and my behavior.
I think of it like the frog in the boiling pot. I was sitting there boiling to my death and never realized.

Speaker 1 We lived in a house of walking on eggshells. If my husband was upset, he would infect the house with hostility.
I'm not sure I can describe it. I was constantly on guard and never able to relax.

Speaker 1 I was not afraid of physical violence though, so I don't want to describe it as something more serious than it was. Thank you all for making me realize I was in that boiling pot.

Speaker 1 The sub says I need to pose a question to post. What can I do for my daughter to let her know she's safe and loved always?

Speaker 1 I know I failed her whenever I heard her dad yelling at her about the dollhouse. I can say I tried to step in at all times when I heard it going on, but that doesn't seem enough.
I feel so guilty.

Speaker 1 She is on a waiting list for therapy. Our structure is still the same.
She looks like she's thriving, but I just don't know.

Speaker 2 Oh, don't feel guilty. You did the best.
You did the best you could do.

Speaker 1 I, oh, oh, this is

Speaker 2 as horrible as the story is, the ending makes me so happy because it just also feels like this is is the positive side of the Reddit community, like shining this light.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'm OP would have figured it out eventually, but just being able to have this community behind her, like, this is the part of Reddit that I really love because I love, and also, I'm like, so thankful that he didn't want custody, but it's like, I don't even know if he would have gotten custody if he wanted to because of what he did.

Speaker 2 So it's just like, as awful as the situation is, I'm so happy that it all all played out

Speaker 2 without this nasty custody battle and that the daughter and that OP are brighter and lighter and happier and that Reddit was able to be a source of hopefully comfort and awareness. So,

Speaker 1 oh, there's just a lot of feels behind that, but I literally almost started crying. Like, thank you all for making me realize I was in that boiling pot.
Yeah. I mean, you said it so well.

Speaker 1 I just, it's amazing that people have a place they can turn to when they just feel like they're not being heard or they feel like they're crazy or alone. Am I overreacting? Is this weird?

Speaker 1 Scared, alone, everything. So,

Speaker 1 I mean, I thank God every day for Reddit. My, my life is forever changed because of it and all of you guys.

Speaker 1 And I think the only lesson here is. the power of community and good people and it is never too late to get out.
There's a story I read for one of our September full bonus episodes.

Speaker 1 Actually, it's in the first tier. It is one of the bonus stories.
So it's in the basic entry level tier. But this story gets into

Speaker 1 this website.

Speaker 1 And this website is called loveisrespect.org.

Speaker 1 There is a quiz on this website that essentially

Speaker 1 you answer these questions and it tells you if your relationship is healthy and respectful and a loving relationship or if your relationship could be on the toxic side.

Speaker 1 It is by far one of the best organizations I've come across recently. When you enter their website, it stops you with a warning and it says, heads up.

Speaker 1 If your browser history can be monitored without your knowledge, it can never be wiped completely. Think your internet might be monitored? Call us instead.

Speaker 1 You can quickly leave this website at any time by clicking X at the top right or by pressing the escape key twice.

Speaker 1 It has built-in protections for people.

Speaker 1 If you hit X or hit the escape key twice, it immediately goes to Google. If you hit the back button, it goes back to Google.

Speaker 2 Amazing.

Speaker 1 So, if any of you are out there and feel that you might be in an unhealthy relationship, or honestly, I think this is a quiz that everyone should take.

Speaker 2 Yeah, might as well.

Speaker 1 See, I'm like in the middle of it. I started as we were doing this bonus story and I just haven't had time yet, but take it.
Justin's like,

Speaker 1 no, it's,

Speaker 1 it's really important to just make sure. And, you know, we can get so accustomed to things and it's, it's hard.
Like the lesson here is like, it's, it's hard to see when you're in it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's absolutely hard to even know something's wrong when you're

Speaker 1 so used to it and you're married with a kid. And

Speaker 2 I think that it's hard. All of us can look back at our relationships and see things that were really hard to either see or really fully like

Speaker 2 understand or acknowledge while you were in the relationship. There's just, that's why they have the phrase hindsight 2020.

Speaker 1 Literally, literally, I just want to make it very clear, like. With this story, especially, like, there's no lesson for OP to learn.
Like,

Speaker 1 I really didn't know where this story was going. And, you know, it's more so a a lesson for us.
Like, be there for the people in your life.

Speaker 1 Make sure your family who you question is in an unhealthy relationship is supported. Yeah.
Maybe share the link for the loveisrespect.org quiz.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 2 I'm just so

Speaker 2 happy that she's safe. I mean, that physical violence is absolutely fucking horrific.

Speaker 1 So unacceptable. The fact we just got an update like 12 days ago.
Crazy. 10 days ago? Yeah.
10 days ago. Unreal.
So, so happy for her. So, so happy.
Your kid will be fine. She has all of your love.

Speaker 1 It's all she needs.

Speaker 1 And thank God you are out. That being said, thank you all so, so, so, so, so much for being here.
Head over to our Patreon. We do have free bonus stories for September.

Speaker 1 We also have other amazing bonus content. Lauren is on one of September's full bonus episodes.
And it's really fun.

Speaker 1 People are raving about it. Really? Raving.
Wow. The stories were really intense, but people are

Speaker 1 comments have been very positive, very constructed, like insightful comments, too. Okay.
So it's been a good conversation on Patreon with the fam over there, but

Speaker 1 we are officially on tour

Speaker 1 right now.

Speaker 1 Literally, you're listening to this. We're already doing shows.
We will actually be in San Jose as you guys are listening to this episode if you're

Speaker 1 quick with with it. Oh,

Speaker 1 so if you don't want to miss out on our live show, don't wait any longer. Look at what cities we're hitting up and get your tickets because it's gonna be good.

Speaker 1 But thank you guys again for being here. Any other thoughts, Lolin?

Speaker 2 I'm just cooling down from everything. I'm actually sweating over here, and it's not because of the blankets.
No,

Speaker 1 I'm seated. Yeah.
Be sure to check out the pumpkin cider at Trader Joe's. It is delightful.
It's so cute and spooky. It's so good.

Speaker 2 We have ended spooky season. I just saw Beetlejuice last night.

Speaker 1 You, you're such a movie guru. I know.
You're so on it.

Speaker 1 It's like, it's something that me and my partner love to do. So how was it?

Speaker 1 Did you see the original?

Speaker 2 No, I have not seen the original, actually. And I am.

Speaker 2 I have mixed reviews on it because I like the storyline. There's a lot of like fun aspects of it, but they go over the top on being gross.

Speaker 1 Just they, there's the kiss that got you.

Speaker 2 What was the kiss?

Speaker 1 I heard some people are upset about a kiss, but I'm not going to give any spoilers.

Speaker 2 Okay, I don't know. There, I can't even count how many gross things there were in it, just nasty.
Oh my god. So, and it's it's so fake that it's like

Speaker 2 it's not necessarily like hard to stomach because it's so fake, but it's also just, it's like, why it's to me, it's like too much, but it's still really fun storyline.

Speaker 2 Like, I love all of the actors in it.

Speaker 1 So, Shana Ortega, Minona Ryder, Michael Keaton.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So, it's, I think it's really fun.
It's really fun for spooky season. So, I would recommend it.
But if you don't like gross things, just be prepared for that.

Speaker 1 Stay away. Yeah.
But happy spooky season. Happy spooky season.
We are going to get into spooky episodes very soon.

Speaker 1 If you have a personal story, especially one with photos, please go post it on the Too Hot Takes subreddit. We really, really, really want personal write-ins.
Okay, that's all. Until next time, guys.

Speaker 1 Until next time. Bye.
Bye.