183: Things Are Not Swell.. Ft. Amanda Swell Entertainment

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Speaker 1 We cover a lot of hot takes on this show, but here's something that's just a smart take: staying in control of your body after unprotected sex. Enter Plan B: emergency contraception.

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Speaker 2 Okay. Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 Headphones sound good.

Speaker 2 There we go.

Speaker 1 We are rolling on everything. Don't mind my one girl circus here.

Speaker 2 Yep, yep, yep.

Speaker 1 Okay, coffee, check. Gave the guests the water, check.
Oh, wait.

Speaker 2 Let me crack this open now before.

Speaker 1 Yeah, give the people some ASMR.

Speaker 2 There you go. Okay, we're rolling.
We're rumbling.

Speaker 1 I'm so excited.

Speaker 1 What did you say? You're like, the yapping has been initiated?

Speaker 2 Yap Powers Activate. Oh, there we go.
Yep.

Speaker 1 God, that isn't a good episode title.

Speaker 2 I might have to save that because today is covered, but wow, Yap Powers Activated.

Speaker 2 Hello. Hi.

Speaker 1 Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes, everyone. I'm your host, Morgan, and today we are joined by Amanda Gulka from Swell Entertainment.

Speaker 2 Thank you for having me. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited.
I pronounced your name right. You did.
Okay, thank you.

Speaker 2 I panic every time. I know you're all right.

Speaker 1 Your content i you walked in and i was like watching one of your videos but your content i can't even put words into how refreshing it is how

Speaker 1 you just encompass every side of a topic of an argument of whatever you're so good at being neutral but yet having subtle opinions but like explaining it all So the video of Amanda's I watched was this video on overconsumption.

Speaker 1 And I was just blown away. Like it's something so simple and it really got me thinking.

Speaker 1 I told you I'm like sitting here unpacking some trauma because I grew up with my great grandma who lived through the Great Depression and then my grandma like helped to raise us as well.

Speaker 1 So it was like a full family affair village raising us.

Speaker 1 And like, I didn't know it wasn't normal to like cut your tubes of like makeup open to get the last bit out or like there was just a bunch and I'm like, this is so good.

Speaker 1 So first and foremost, stop this episode right now and just go over to Amanda's channel because I'm just blown away. And then I got into the hobby horsing video.
Yep.

Speaker 2 And as a horse girl, I'm like, I have been invited to the next world championships in Finland. Please tell me you're going.
I'm going to go. It's next year.
So we've got some time. What month?

Speaker 2 They don't even know yet. They're like, it's usually around June.
So literally a year out. I literally just missed it.
I kind of want to go right now.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I would never do it, but I'm like really intrigued to watch people jump over meter-high fences.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, it's, it's crazy.
And it's like, I love finding like

Speaker 2 fun and different things, especially things now because I've gotten so into like sports and sporting adjacent things. I just got back from the Lumberjack World Championships.

Speaker 2 That's why I needed to like lock in the state. I was like, I need to make sure I'm back.
Oh, my God. So I was just in Wisconsin for like five days for the Lumberjack World Championships.
Wow.

Speaker 1 That's insane. Is that like one of the most like absurd sports you've witnessed recently? Or like what, what stands out to you as like one of your craziest topics you've gone into?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was one. I just went to a Metal Geared Solid fan convention not too long ago.

Speaker 2 I'm going to a hacker convention in like two days. Okay, that in Vegas.
I know. I'm not sure how to go about it.
It makes me a little scared for you.

Speaker 2 I might just be, you know, getting a digital camera. I honestly

Speaker 2 leave my phones everywhere.

Speaker 1 I would. Like, have you seen like all the skimmer stuff lately? And like there's something about like this big antenna.

Speaker 1 I saw like a car theft video where this guy walks up with an antenna as you're like locking your car and then he can come back later and just use the same thing to get into your car.

Speaker 1 I don't know what I don't know how it works, but hacking and like

Speaker 2 stuff is see that's getting paranoid. I have met some hackers and most of them are just very chill.
Like they're very low-key.

Speaker 2 And I think because of media, we have like this big or like anonymous as like the collective that like people are just very scared of them.

Speaker 1 and it's like they're most of the time they're just like yeah it's it's it's fine yeah it's fine it's just low-key where are we at with student loans and hacking do you think just you know asking

Speaker 2 i would love to ask them it's one of those things where it's like um you know i i don't know you know because i feel like there's like there are god what was it this totally unrelated but there was someone who just like they bought a bunch of people's debt from a collection company because debt is sellable like a lot of people a lot of hospitals medical debt things like that personal loan debt they don't want to go through the stress of collections.

Speaker 2 So they sell it to a collections agency. And then those are the ones that come after you for your loans and your debts.

Speaker 2 And someone just bought, you can just buy people's debts and they literally just burned the paper. And it's like, your debt's gone after the fact.
God, what was this? This was months ago.

Speaker 2 It's going to drive me crazy. And I was like, that is what I want.
We need more people to be doing that. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Instead, Musk just keeps changing everything on Twitter. Sorry, I'm not calling it X.

Speaker 2 No, I still, I will always call it Twitter. Always.

Speaker 1 Always.

Speaker 1 I'm just like, he needs to get off Twitter and go focus on his Cyber Truck because those things are just pieces of shit.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. Every time I see one, I was behind one yesterday and I was like, we're adding four lengths of cars between me and you.
I don't trust you on the road.

Speaker 1 I get the biggest ick from those things.

Speaker 2 As someone, I love cars. Like, I love Formula One.
I love motorsports. I love, I grew up going to classic car shows, all this stuff.
To look at them, it's such an assault on the eyes.

Speaker 2 It's like, disgusting. As someone who is like, no, everyone has their own thing.
Everyone's got their own vibe. Everyone loves.
No, No, I hate looking at those things.

Speaker 2 You make me feel nauseous, to be honest. It's so, I'm like, I'm gonna come up and just put like an industrial-grade sticker on your car.

Speaker 2 Good luck getting it off because you can't take it to a car wash, you can't take goo off to it, it's gonna disintegrate the car.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, and they don't have crumble zones, none. And then, did you? I don't know if you saw this video, I don't know the name.

Speaker 2 They literally were just talking. They, it's like one of those like car review channels or whatever.

Speaker 1 Was he taking sledgehammers to it?

Speaker 2 No, they tried using the tow hitch to tow an F-150.

Speaker 1 Yes, the same guy. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 So tow it and and the whole back of the car frame snapped off completely and aluminum. Oh god, it makes me physically ill.
I know. So I fell down the rabbit hole.

Speaker 1 He's like a bodybuilder something, and he does like these car reviews, which

Speaker 1 I can't even imagine having that money to like blow a hundred something thousand dollars on a car to just like beat it with a sledgehammer. Yeah.
So he does that tow test.

Speaker 1 Like the delivery, he like you see him roll this cyber truck off the delivery truck flatbed and he just like goes

Speaker 1 and it goes on the ground. Like, I'm like, it's painful, but like, I appreciate the commitment to the bid.

Speaker 2 That's the thing. It's like, we, it's like whenever someone is like mad at like a phone reviewer where it's like, oh, I did a stress test and it snaps the iPhone in half.

Speaker 2 And it's like, okay, good thing I'm never going to go like this on my iPhone. It's like, yeah, but we do need that.
Yeah. We do need people that do full in-depth reviews, including of cars.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. I mean, I think it holds all of those companies more accountable.

Speaker 2 Like, don't sell us shit.

Speaker 1 Exactly. We want good stuff.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 We want good stuff, which this week's episode is not full of good stuff. The theme I have today is: it's not swell.

Speaker 2 Things are not all right.

Speaker 1 It's not okay.

Speaker 2 I'm excited.

Speaker 1 People are on well. I'm going to be on well.

Speaker 2 I'm, it's, there's a lot happening here. I'm ready.
Let's dive in. Yeah, powers activate.

Speaker 1 I seriously love that.

Speaker 1 Okay, so this first one is coming from relationship advice. Okay.
It is titled, My 29 Male Girlfriend, 29 Female, Has a Hard Time Acting Like a Girlfriend.

Speaker 2 How do I address this? As someone who is perpetually single, I already feel I'm going to have opinions on this.

Speaker 1 My girlfriend Rain and I have been in a relationship for a few months. We didn't get together in the most conventional way because she was my wife's friend and we fell in love.

Speaker 1 My wife, Rose, and I lost that excitement in our relationship. My girlfriend and I got that excitement, and unfortunately, we started an affair.

Speaker 2 Unfortunately, like you were a passive bystander to this happening. Okay, continue.

Speaker 1 I regretted deeply.

Speaker 2 We should have told her right away.

Speaker 1 We did end up confessing, and unfortunately, my wife did not take it well. Fast forward a couple of months, Rose did a great job at being a wife, and I took that for granted.

Speaker 1 She made sure we spent quality time together, she did nice gestures, was a great mother to our child. With Rain, she doesn't help at all with the baby and just sits there.

Speaker 1 To clarify, the baby I have with Rose, we have joint custody of, and I'm now staying with Rain and she doesn't do shit. I've asked and she just complains.

Speaker 1 Mind you, she also hasn't seen her child in months. She had a child with her ex-husband and makes zero effort to see her child.
She is so indifferent about it, it's crazy.

Speaker 1 But perhaps worst of all, is she goes to the club all of the time and doesn't let me know. She will just come home at 3 to 4 a.m.
And it annoys me.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, I come home from work and I cooked and cleaned. I don't mind her going out, but all the time, she needs to at least act like a partner.
It seems like she just prioritizes fun.

Speaker 1 What do I do?

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 2 I didn't get the spot where they were separated because it does sound like he's still with his wife. But then he said, okay, I'm living with my girlfriend.
Yep. Okay.

Speaker 2 What do you do is that you blew up your life. It's what you did.
You blew up your life.

Speaker 2 Your wife clearly loved and adored you and your kid. And of course, she's doing a great job being a wife.
Yeah, because she was your wife. That was what she was.

Speaker 2 She's now, she's a great mom still, because that she was before that. You just lost the spark because you stopped trying to find the spark, basically.

Speaker 2 And then it's like, yeah, your girlfriend's now complacent because also, I'm sorry. So she blew up her marriage too.
Were they separated at all?

Speaker 1 yeah okay we're missing a lot of information there are key details missing there is a lot of typos in this um i'm not sure if english is the first language because a lot of just the grammar stuff i kind of reworked on the fly but it's definitely interesting and the timeline is very unclear like yeah they hit it but now he's moved out unclear if they're actually divorced or just separated Yeah, because

Speaker 2 she was doing a great job being a good wife after she found out. And it's like, okay, so you decided to try and work through it, even though she took it poorly, is what I would interpret that as.

Speaker 2 And then he's like, but I'm living with my girlfriend. And I almost think that the things that are missing are to make the girlfriend sound worse.

Speaker 1 I could see that.

Speaker 2 Because then it's like, oh, yeah, she's not seeing her kid. And it's like, okay, well, was she divorced before you guys were together? Was she with her kid before you guys were together? I know.

Speaker 2 Is this a new development since you've gotten together? Because, you know, I can see that because there are some people who are like, oh, well, this is my second chance at life.

Speaker 2 I'm getting rid of everything of my old life.

Speaker 1 Isn't that so?

Speaker 2 Which is crazy. But I can see some people do see that as like, oh, this is my option to do this.
But again, we're missing key information. The advice here is you messed up.
That's the advice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think you got to take this tail between your legs, admit you messed up. And thank God your wife got out from your sorry self.
Yes. But this person isn't your person.
And you learned a tough lesson

Speaker 1 and you move on. You find a new girlfriend.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it almost sounds like he's trying to be like, Okay, so here's how great my wife is. This is what my girlfriend's doing.

Speaker 2 And almost like being like, How can I get my girlfriend to be like my wife? She's not. It's like she won't be.

Speaker 1 No, she's gonna be at the club.

Speaker 2 She wouldn't want to be at the club.

Speaker 2 And it almost sounds like, because he's saying the spark was there. Did they meet at a club? You know, it's this is the girlfriend's, so this is the wife's friend.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think we're skipping over that, which we can't skip over. Cause also, I would literally,

Speaker 2 oh, God, I, maybe, because it's not even like just being a girl's girl. I would never do that to someone.

Speaker 1 No, I would literally

Speaker 2 never do that, let alone to my friend's friend, husband. Like, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 I, I give the wife so much props for not going nuclear because I could have fit you both with her car and it would have been justified.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would have gone Beyonce, baseball bat, lemonade style on something of theirs.

Speaker 2 Like, oh,

Speaker 2 oh.

Speaker 1 I know, it is interesting. And I think it's like, oh, we had the spark.
It was so exciting. Well, yeah, because you were doing it behind your wife's back.

Speaker 1 Like, of course, secrets and the thrill of, oh, let's not get caught are going to make it interesting for you, which

Speaker 1 I still can't wrap my head around some people thinking that way because it would just give me non-stop anxiety.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, fully. My anxiety barely lets me date.
It's not going to let me be a homewrecker. Like, it just will not.

Speaker 2 It's like, it's like, one, as a person,

Speaker 2 it does not appeal to me whatsoever. But then also, like, let's say, oh, maybe I do fall in love with someone.
My anxiety would just be like, you are doing something wrong. It is bad, bad, bad.

Speaker 2 Self-sabotage at every moment. Do they like me? They don't like me.
He hates me. Why is he here? Oh my God.
I'm not worthy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's

Speaker 1 the struggle of that inner monologue sometimes. It's rough, but oh, this one is brutal.
It's only six days old right now. Oh, God.
Okay, ready.

Speaker 2 It's a fresh one. It's a fresh one.

Speaker 1 Top comment on it. Not sure why you're expecting your girlfriend to be someone she wasn't to begin with.
Yeah. Also, she technically doesn't have to take care of your child.

Speaker 1 She's your girlfriend, not your wife, nor your baby's

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, that's that also we didn't discuss that is like the fact that, yeah, she doesn't do anything for my kid. It's like she doesn't do anything for her kid either.

Speaker 2 It's like, okay, well, then it sounds like she may not have done anything for her kid in the first place. And that's why she was down to have an affair with you,

Speaker 2 as well as like her marriage. Maybe she was already divorced.
Maybe they're already going through a hard time, whatever. It's like the signs were there.

Speaker 2 I don't know what you thought was going to happen here at the same time.

Speaker 1 I mean, just rational brain. Like, she, he clearly knew she she likes the club.
She likes going out. You kind of know those things.
Or maybe they didn't. Maybe they only talked between 9 and 5 p.m.

Speaker 1 while he was at work. Like, I don't know, but you clearly knew something about her, at least, you know, enough to want to sleep with her and have this affair for an extended period of time.

Speaker 2 So we didn't get a timeline for how long the affair was, right? No.

Speaker 2 But if it's more, like, also, if, like, if this is your wife's friend, she's been in your life for a long time, you would have heard your wife talk about like, yeah, it's like, oh, yeah, she's, no, she doesn't want to come to dinner, she's going out with friends tonight, you know, like you would have heard that.

Speaker 2 So he's an idiot. Moral of the story is you're an idiot.

Speaker 1 Next comment down: the dildo of consequences that rarely arrives lubed is arriving really early for this guy. I love to see it.

Speaker 1 God, I hope Rose is out there living her best life with someone that loves, appreciates, and respects her because this asshole certainly didn't.

Speaker 2 I'm really hoping Rose is not her real government name. Yeah, I'm really hoping.
Some people that he said, he said the the

Speaker 2 other woman's name, the girlfriend's name, right? Too eventually, Rain. Yeah, those are very specific.

Speaker 1 Rain and Rose.

Speaker 2 Those are our names. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Next comment down. You feel that sharp pain in your ass? That's the karma bus hitting you.

Speaker 2 The karma bus. I haven't heard of a bus before, but I like that.

Speaker 1 I like envisioning the buses coming for my enemies.

Speaker 2 Because it's on a schedule.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 1 I like that.

Speaker 1 You see, you're so quick with it. You're so quick with it.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I think this is, I kind of like this. I'm happy things aren't so swell for him.

Speaker 1 Screw you, buddy.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along. Okay, this next one is coming from Am I the Asshole?

Speaker 2 Let's go. OG, baby.
Let's go.

Speaker 1 It's titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Brother to Get Out and Take His Bitch of a Wife With Him When He Ask For Some of Our Mom's Ashes?

Speaker 2 I'm going go with.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 My mom used to live near my brother. She was a quiet person in general and after dad died was lonely.
She wanted to have dinner with my brother and his family often.

Speaker 1 His wife, Cara, didn't like that and they agreed to do it once a month. Mom started to have issues and would send panic texts and went to the doctors randomly.

Speaker 1 Around this time, his wife made a lot of posts about how she was an attention seeker and was making up problems, that she was trying to cause a wedge in their relationship.

Speaker 1 My brother stopped visiting our mother, and I do not like Cara at all. When this started happening, I decided to visit my mom.
I live in another state. It took me a day to realize something was wrong.

Speaker 1 I took her to the doctors, and it turns out she had dementia. I informed the family and became the main caretaker.
Cara continued to make posts or comments that she was faking it.

Speaker 1 My brother stood by her the whole time. I literally begged him to come and visit before she passed.
She was cremated, and I have the ashes. He didn't even come to the viewing.

Speaker 1 This is the issue. He and Cara showed up asking for some of our mom's ashes.
I told him no, that he didn't even see her before she died. This started an argument against us all.

Speaker 1 By the end of it, I told him to get out and take his bitch of a wife with him. He has been calling me a jerk and telling me I have to apologize.
The family family is torn.

Speaker 1 Some are saying fuck him and Cara, but others are saying I would give in because it's his mom too.

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 I take it back. You're not the asshole.

Speaker 2 No, I

Speaker 2 no, I

Speaker 2 okay.

Speaker 2 So none of my grandparents had dementia, but my dad's long-term girlfriend who did pass away at the end of 2022 from cancer, it is truly terrifying and it's terrifying for them too because they can be be so confused, so scared.

Speaker 2 It's not something that you can fake, honestly, I don't think, especially when you're older, because you don't have the forethought of that. Like it's, it's terrifying.
So that's that.

Speaker 2 So already your, your sibling and his wife are assholes because to even insinuate publicly on Facebook is what I'm assuming.

Speaker 1 Publicly.

Speaker 2 That's insane. Publicly.
Because it's one thing if she's like, I think she thinks she's, my mom is faking. That's one thing if you believe that.

Speaker 2 To have public proof that she is posting that your, your mom was faking is so insensitive, so unhinged, so insane. That's ridiculous already.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And then for your brother to back it up, your brother not be worried about his mother or anything like that, insane. So

Speaker 2 I don't think you're the asshole. Yes.
Could delivery be better? Sure. But then to not, regardless of what you believe, your mother has now passed away.

Speaker 2 You don't go to the viewing. And again, your sister lived in another state, upgraded her life to go take care of her mom.
Yep. While you had seemingly live down the street is what it sounds like.
Yep.

Speaker 2 And you didn't take time to go to the viewing and now you want ashes. Why? Why? To be a good son all of a sudden?

Speaker 2 It's for show. Excuse my language.
Fuck you. You're done.
You're done. No.
You're done.

Speaker 1 I, I wish you would have gone harder on him, obviously. Like, there's so many things wrong with this one.

Speaker 1 And I, I think the point of like publicly bringing this about, saying she's faking dementia it's insane it's it's insane it's one thing to think it between you know you and your partner like yeah your mom's being a little dramatic with this you know she's got a history of being a hypochondriac in the past or you know she malingers some things

Speaker 2 but who wants to fake

Speaker 1 dementia do you have you ever seen someone go through that you fucking asshole kara kara however the fuck you say it that's not something i would wish on my worst enemy you lose your sense of self.

Speaker 1 It's just no.

Speaker 1 And so to publicly air it again and again and again,

Speaker 1 she's gone. Yeah.
So you were proven incorrect.

Speaker 2 Still didn't go to the viewing. So you still, did she, was she faking being dead? Is that what your thought process was? Because that's insane.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? What do they want to do with these ashes? I feel like they're trying to do some fucking seance or something evil. No, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Because they give evil.

Speaker 2 They do give evil, but I also, again, it's like what goes back to an earlier story about being, refusing to be seen as a bad mother or a bad parent, being refusing to be seen as a bad son or daughter-in-law.

Speaker 2 Like, it's like, oh, no, we need something from the family. It's like, oh, we couldn't go, but we have her ashes here.
We have a photo of her here.

Speaker 2 We want to remember her constantly as a very performative. I know it's disgusting.
Very performative is my assumption because it's like,

Speaker 2 I just, I hate it. It's awful.
And then it's like, I'm sorry, does he have kids? Is that what she said? Their family. So I assumed kids.

Speaker 1 I don't know if there's any mention of kids. I think like overall the family is torn.
Some are saying fuck him.

Speaker 2 When they were saying that she wanted to see my brother and his family earlier on.

Speaker 2 So I was like, and so I was like, oh, no, she didn't like it though. So they only saw once a month.

Speaker 1 It does imply some children potentially. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So maybe it's like maybe the kids are asking like, well, what happened to grandma? Like or something like that. And it's like they're wanting, you know, ashes as like, oh, well, she passed away.

Speaker 2 Why didn't we go to the funeral? I don't know. We don't know how old the kids are if there are kids.

Speaker 2 The implication sounds like there's kids is the implication. Yeah.
So, or at least a kid.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I just don't,

Speaker 2 you're not an asshole. I think you should have gone harder.

Speaker 2 And yeah, if there's your family, it's funny because, like I've said, I don't have contact with one of my parents and everyone has a, has an opinion on that. Oh, of course.

Speaker 2 And every periodically, especially lately, I get calls from people who never call me otherwise. It's time to forget.
It's like, you know, they're doing really great. I'm like, cool, did I ask?

Speaker 2 I don't think I did. I'm also doing great.
Have you asked how I'm doing? No? Cool. Like, it's the same thing.

Speaker 2 I think when people, when it's not directly impacting someone, like they're not act, like if the, the rest of the family, I don't think was taking care of your mother in that time, was not dealing with your brother and his wife in that time, was not seeing these posts in that time, then it's, it's hard for them to contextualize that until it affects them.

Speaker 2 And so it's really easy to be like, well, that's your mother. That's his mother too.
Yes, it is that, but it's like they want to remember that now after the fact.

Speaker 2 They want to remember that versus during the time when you uprooted your life to go and take care of your mom and be a good daughter and be a good upstanding member of society and not a completely lunatic like your sister-in-law.

Speaker 2 And it's like,

Speaker 2 again, she was posting publicly that she was faking dementia. That's unhinged.
That's insane. She needs help.
She needs help and not the ashes.

Speaker 1 Don't give them the ashes. No, no ashes.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no. And it's so frustrating.
I think that's a big grievance of mine is when people who don't have like a hair to lose or they don't have a dog in the fight chime in.

Speaker 1 This isn't your fight.

Speaker 2 No. Stay out of it.

Speaker 2 You're weighing on people's stories.

Speaker 1 You have nothing to lose, though, by like saying this opinion to me. Like, oh, of course it's easy for you to say to reconnect with my parent.
They didn't hurt you.

Speaker 1 You're not the one with an issue with them.

Speaker 1 Just butt out.

Speaker 2 Just butt out.

Speaker 1 Really, seriously.

Speaker 1 I'm so.

Speaker 2 No, you're not the asshole. You're not the asshole.
In fact, I would have probably decked my sister-in-law at that point, especially if she showed up asking for ashes.

Speaker 2 Because it sounds like this was months after the cremation, not like the day after. So it's like you could have gone to the viewing.
Or did you just show up after? And it's like, oh, we need

Speaker 2 our portion of the ashes. You know, I'm surprised there's no.
I'm not going to come out of the will. I'm hoping there's nothing.
There's no mention of the will, it sounds like.

Speaker 2 So it's like, I'm hoping there's nothing or anything like that. But it's,

Speaker 2 I hate it. Let's see.
Let's get into the comments.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. Top comment, not the asshole.
Your brother made his choice and he chose poorly. He deserves nothing.
They have the same energy as my younger sister.

Speaker 1 She was really abusive and awful to my mother most of her life, and she continued after my mother got diagnosed with cancer and traveled internationally more than she came to visit.

Speaker 1 Then she's engaged in some performative bullshit at her funeral. Next comment down, sadly, I think just about everyone has a similar family member.
I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Speaker 1 There are some comments that OP responds to. Someone goes, what would your mom have wanted? And OP says, she wanted her son to care about her when she was alive.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 And like, you, the dementia is so hard too, because you know, every single day, especially even if it was like once a month that they were seeing her, that's a pattern that she probably got used to even in her dementia.

Speaker 2 So she would be like, oh, where's brother's name? Are they coming by? Are they, what time are they coming?

Speaker 2 Like, it would probably be things like that where it's like, and so she would have to, it's like, oh, well, well, they're not coming today, you know, like she had to go through that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she had to routinely tell her mom, no, they're not coming. Like that's horrifying.

Speaker 1 It's so sad. Someone replies back to OP's comment and they go, eight with this one.
May she rest in peace knowing she had a son like that. I'm sure she's watching over you.

Speaker 1 And someone goes, to hell with your brother, his wife, and being the bigger person. Keep all of the ashes.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Speaker 1 May your mother continue resting in peace away from those that caused her pain.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, gagged, honestly, at this point. Sorry.
Do what you feel is best. Sorry.
I know.

Speaker 2 Sorry. I don't mean to laugh.
Gagged took me out.

Speaker 1 Well, that's like when I read like eight with this one. It's like,

Speaker 1 I get it, but like, damn. Like, this is this point where you don't want to be a little bit more.

Speaker 2 One of the comments section is eldest daughters who have had to be in this position, is what it sounds like in some capacity. Elvis daughters.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Lisa Marie? What does it mean?

Speaker 2 No, eldest daughters. Like oldest daughters.
Eldest. Sorry, what did I say? I thought you said Elvis daughters.
No, eldest daughter. Marie Presley? No.
What do you know about that? Eldest daughters.

Speaker 2 No. No.
Which I mean, she is an eldest daughter. So she is.

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, OP, people are like, wait, what are you asking? And OP was like, outside opinion on if I went too far. I know I am biased.
I'm so close to the issue.

Speaker 1 I want to know others' opinions on this and if I should give him some ashes.

Speaker 2 No. No, I mean, it's, I vote no, but also it's like,

Speaker 2 if you yeah, you asked that you answered the question, what would your mother want?

Speaker 2 Your mother wanted a son that cared about her when she was alive and, you know, took her concerns seriously and things like that.

Speaker 2 Cause she clearly knew something was wrong with her going to the doctors, but she didn't have the mental, you know, wherewithal to be like, okay, I am forgetting things. I am losing time.

Speaker 2 Things like that. Like that's And I'm getting confused.
That's what she needed.

Speaker 2 If they had cared about her at all versus thinking that she was just crazy or trying to drive a wedge in your marriage, which is insane behavior. That's insane to make that assumption.

Speaker 1 And what she was asking for is like, she wanted to see him and his family. She wanted to have dinner with them.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that was viewed as driving a wedge between their relationship. Insane.
That's nuts. Like, so you just want to separate your husband from his entire family.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dinner once a month, like, that's not a lot to ask for.

Speaker 2 Especially it sounds like if you live in the same city is what it sounds like.

Speaker 1 I literally, if I lived in the same city, I'd see my grandma four, five times a week.

Speaker 2 Like, I love my grandma. I talk to my dad all the time.
I love my grandma. I see my dad for dinner all the time.

Speaker 1 And it's just like, it's not when you, I don't know, it's just, I, and I get not having a great relationship, but it doesn't sound like there were any issues or OP maybe would have mentioned it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 My brother and my mom were strained, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2 But it doesn't sound like that. She's the one that lives in another state.

Speaker 2 And she came, but she still came. Oh, she's like, I wanted to visit my mom, come to visit.
And I immediately knew something was wrong.

Speaker 1 Such immediately. Yeah.
I was there a day and I knew something was wrong. And the brother had seen her how often? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is there any more comments from that one?

Speaker 1 No other comments besides there wasn't a funeral, just a viewing.

Speaker 1 But either way, he lived in the same town. Easily could have been.

Speaker 2 Even then, viewings as well, there's like, there is a preparation process that is a cost. Cremation is not cheap.
I do know that.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm assuming he didn't help with any of those costs or anything like that as well. And then he wants the ashes.

Speaker 2 And it's like, I'm assuming that maybe she didn't want to write that in there because it is, it's tacky to talk about that when it comes to death. Yeah.
But it is a factor.

Speaker 2 Dying in this country is expensive. They don't tell you that.
Is that that?

Speaker 1 It's very expensive. That feels like

Speaker 1 illegal. Yeah.
To get buried, I saw some sort of stat, like to get buried and have a nice casket and a nice funeral, it's at least $8,000.

Speaker 2 What? Cremation is one of the cheaper options, and it still is very expensive. And even then, it's like, and like to have a viewing as well, like they do go through the process of preparing the body.

Speaker 2 And so that is very expensive.

Speaker 1 No, I don't want to be embalmed. Yeah.
No. Honestly, now that I'm thinking about this, future family, if you check back in,

Speaker 1 I won't put that on you, though.

Speaker 2 It'll be very clear in my will. Oh, yeah, no.
I have a living will at 26. I have something laid out fully.
Oh, God, you're so good. Well, I have a parent I don't speak to.

Speaker 2 I don't want it to be a debate. I don't want there to be a lawsuit.
I don't don't want my dad to go through that.

Speaker 1 You're a lawyer local.

Speaker 2 I need someone good.

Speaker 2 There's quite a few. We'll find you one.

Speaker 1 But I literally just bury me in the backyard. Wooden box, like just wooden box.
I don't want a fancy casket.

Speaker 2 What's crazy is in some instances, you legally can't do that. They make it very difficult.

Speaker 1 Can you get buried in your backyard? I think it's state by state.

Speaker 1 Burial on private property is possible in Minnesota. There you go.
If you want to establish a private cemetery, you must have the land surveyed and the plat recorded with the deed.

Speaker 1 The cemetery land will be exempt from taxation.

Speaker 1 Look at me. I'm going to go build a cemetery in my backyard.

Speaker 2 Start a family plot.

Speaker 1 I got a couple dogs there, you know. There you go.

Speaker 2 I think this is going to be good.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, gosh.

Speaker 1 This is crazy, but no, not the asshole.

Speaker 2 Not the asshole.

Speaker 1 Just, oh, I'm so sorry for your loss and the fact that you now have to deal with this added layer.

Speaker 2 No, I know. And that's the thing, too.
It's like, it's never just,

Speaker 2 think it ends at that and it never is which is just such a bummer because then it's like family politics are just such a nightmare frankly it's it's exhausting

Speaker 1 exhausting why can't people just be more sane and loving and kind towards their family and just not

Speaker 1 crazy like absolutely crazy like i still

Speaker 1 i haven't really had a relationship with like my aunt's husband in years. And I love my aunt.

Speaker 1 I love my cousins, but it's been like the past, and it always happens at Christmas, which is should be a happy time.

Speaker 1 But like four years ago, we just was like talking shit about my mom, and it's like, of course, I'm gonna get upset. So we didn't talk for years after that.
Randomly started seeing each other again.

Speaker 1 And then this past Christmas, my grandma had like a front-wheel drive car and was becoming very unsafe to drive. It wouldn't start.
It was just, it was terrible. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she's 82 years old.

Speaker 1 Jeez. And so I have the privilege.
And thanks to all of you guys, I was able to get her a car. And so I bought her like this little, it was used.

Speaker 1 It's not like anything crazy, but it's still a beautiful new car. My grandma's never gotten a new car and it's new, basically.

Speaker 1 And they stormed out of Christmas. And I haven't talked to them since.
They were like, fuck Morgan. She's showing off.
And it's like, this is quite literally not about me. This is not about you.

Speaker 1 This is about grandma. And I, I didn't even like preface it as like, I got you this car, grandma.
I literally, we recorded it. You can, we played it back to see what they got so upset over.

Speaker 1 We, I literally go, we got you this car, grandma. There's one last gift for you.
We got you this car. We,

Speaker 1 until they stormed out, she thought everyone had done it.

Speaker 2 Like, what is it? It's like it was a family pulling it together.

Speaker 1 What is, and we asked, we literally asked, like,

Speaker 1 you can contribute a hundred bucks, you can contribute $500, like whatever you want and you can to be a part of this. Did they reply? They were like, no.

Speaker 1 And then you did it anyway. I did anyways.

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 They didn't think I would. And I'm like, no, my grandma's going to be safe out there on those roads.

Speaker 2 No, people don't expect others to stand on business because they refuse to. It's literally that.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, you're mad at me for getting her something she needed to be safe. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Insane. Okay.
Crazy.

Speaker 1 Fucking psychos.

Speaker 1 I just don't understand people. I'm just like, why?

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 1 Why can't people just be nice?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Moving along.

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Speaker 1 This next one is coming from AITAH. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Prioritizing My Sister's Wedding Over My Girlfriend's Birthday After She Gave Me an Ultimatum?

Speaker 1 My girlfriend Lisa and I have been together for two years. Her birthday is coming up and she's been planning a big celebration with friends and family for months.

Speaker 1 It's a milestone birthday for her and she's really excited about it because she always felt her birthday hasn't been celebrated properly in the past. Here is where it gets complicated.

Speaker 1 My sister, Jane, just announced her wedding date, and it's the same weekend as Lisa's birthday.

Speaker 1 Jane and her fiancé had to move their wedding date up due to some family health issues, and now it's a small, intimate ceremony that means a lot to her.

Speaker 1 Jane asked me to be a part of the wedding party, and as her only sibling, it's important to me to be there. When I broke the news to Lisa, she was devastated.

Speaker 1 She feels that her birthday should be a priority, especially since I've known about it for so long.

Speaker 1 She's also hurt because she planned this big event event with her closest people, and my absence would be noticeable.

Speaker 1 I suggested celebrating her birthday a day earlier or later, or even me flying back the next morning, but she wasn't having any of it. Things escalated when Lisa gave me an ultimatum.

Speaker 2 Either I attend her birthday party or we're done.

Speaker 1 She feels this is a test of my commitment to our relationship and argued that if I loved her, I would prioritize her special day.

Speaker 1 I explained that my sister's wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event and that I can't miss it. But she insists I'm choosing my family over her.

Speaker 1 Now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Speaker 1 My family thinks it's obvious I should go to my sister's wedding, but some of our mutual friends say Lisa has a point and that birthdays are important milestones in a relationship.

Speaker 1 I don't want to hurt either of them, but I can't be in two places at once. So am I the asshole for prioritizing my sister's wedding?

Speaker 2 Okay, there's a lot there. And also, I have this thing where, like, I don't think I've ever had like a good birthday that wasn't a complete nightmare.

Speaker 2 And so, in that regard, like, last year, my birthday, I was like, okay, who's buying me lunch? Who's buying me dinner? That is all I want to plan. I don't want to plan anything else.

Speaker 2 We're not having a party. We're doing nothing.
Who is buying me food? That is it. I love that.
It was great. Because there's no pressure.
There's no like letdown.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 That's the hard part. Just the letdown.
Yes. And so in that regard, I'm like, okay, yeah, it's a birthday, you know? Like, it's, but I get it.

Speaker 2 you know, you want to throw something big, and this is a wrench in that. But at the same time, it's like

Speaker 2 the family health issues, I don't think we could ignore that.

Speaker 1 That's a huge piece of content.

Speaker 2 Because there's a lot of people, like, I've seen weddings get moved up, I've seen, you know, vow renewals get moved up, things like that, because it's like, you know, my grandmother's going to die.

Speaker 2 I need to get married so that she can be there. And it sounds like that.
There's something there, whether it's his family or

Speaker 2 his sister's fiancé's family, like that is relevant. And if his sister wants him there because it's his sister,

Speaker 2 I would choose the wedding. And then, okay, but then also, like, let's say I think I'm going to marry this girl.
This is my girlfriend. I think I'm going to marry her.
Surprise trip a week before.

Speaker 2 Surprise weekend away.

Speaker 2 I can't be here on your birthday. And I'm sorry, but I want you to know that I am.
I love that. You know, I am committed to this relationship.
And so this is how I'm proving that to you.

Speaker 2 That's the thing. And so I will come back first thing the next morning, but I have to do this for my family.

Speaker 2 And as my future wife one day throw that in there okay i know you will understand the sacrifice i have to make right now to be there for my sister because i know that you would also understand how important it was for my sister to be at our wedding one day you know i'm being a little bit of a little shit with it but you know at the same time i'm like you know i would i would if i truly thought like this is my person and she's just not being rational because she's so emotionally invested because i i get it you know there's a lot of people i've seen i think the birthday dinner thing is a big deal on TikTok as well.

Speaker 2 With like, oh, they didn't come to my birthday dinner. They're officially not in my friend group anymore.
And all of that,

Speaker 1 it is crazy the stipulations and hoops people will make their friends try to jump through.

Speaker 1 And it's like, not everyone is in that place of privilege, comfort to be able to afford a luxury, like luxurious dinner. Like, yeah, I'm, oh, that's just people have gotten so beyond.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 But I, I, yeah, I'm just like, she's

Speaker 2 put him through it. Yeah, and it's like, I get it.
It's, this isn't your friend. This is your boyfriend of two years.
Yeah. This is important to you.

Speaker 2 But also, it's like, she's getting married one time. You have a birthday every year.
I get it. This is a big deal.
Milestone birthday. I'm assuming it's a 25, a 30, maybe.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm assuming it's like one of the big fives or something.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 1 there is a couple edits from OP. Ooh, okay.
All right. It will be her 21st birthday.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 1 I was going to say before seeing the age, I was going to say this is giving young. Yeah.
Because if this were me, even if it was like my 30th, I would have been like,

Speaker 1 for my 30th, I just went to Disneyland. Like, I have friends that have done big trips and it's amazing and everyone should celebrate their birthday the way they want to.

Speaker 1 But like, I just, I don't know. I was like, Disneyland sounds nice.
No pressure, no letdown, no tears this year. First birthday without tears.
So something about Disneyland.

Speaker 1 But it was giving young, like not understanding.

Speaker 1 And they've only been together two years, which I get everyone has like their own relationship timeline. Some people are married within two years.
Some people are married within six months.

Speaker 1 But I've had cake in my freezer longer than this relationship. So, I mean, if it doesn't work, and this is a great test of you're having something hard, how are you going to work through it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because life is never easy.

Speaker 1 The thing with relationships is how do you work through the hard stuff and do you work through it well? And if you don't, then there might be a compatibility issue.

Speaker 1 Question. Did OP give us his age? No mention of ages.

Speaker 2 Oh, that stresses me out.

Speaker 2 Are you like, is he 34? Yeah, like I'm thinking, because did he say his younger sister is getting married?

Speaker 2 She's just sister.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 See that alone. I don't know.
That's giving me some red flags, maybe.

Speaker 1 It's giving big sister for me. Let me see if there's any ages in comments from OP.

Speaker 2 Because if, like, they're both 21, a milestone birthday. The way he says milestone birthday, that makes me sound like to me, I interpret that as he's older because he knows it's a milestone age.

Speaker 2 Like he himself has been through 21 already, which could make him 25, which is not a big deal. Okay.
I don't know. It does seem he never calls her child.

Speaker 2 Did he ever, I don't think he ever called her childish. No.
Yeah. So then I think it's fine.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I think that, yes, she's very young. She doesn't get it.

Speaker 2 And she may not get it.

Speaker 2 This might be the challenging time, you know? You're right. I think this might be the, you know, hey, listen, it's my sister.
She's getting married one time. It's extenuating circumstances.

Speaker 2 I want to be there for her. I would really love for you to support me at this time and I will make it up to you.
Yeah. If I can't make it up to you, then this is where our paths end, you know?

Speaker 1 I'm, I'm with you. I'm on that boat with you.
Top comment. Did your sister move it up to that weekend knowing about the birthday weekend?

Speaker 1 Or did they just move it up and didn't realize until you told them it was the same date as her birthday?

Speaker 1 The latter, they don't even know it's her birthday.

Speaker 2 Okay, then yeah, then,

Speaker 2 yeah, because for when you first said moved up the date and then didn't say like the family stuff and all of that, I was like, Okay, is this a my sister hates me?

Speaker 2 Sabotage my girlfriend, yeah, like is this that?

Speaker 2 But even then, it's like, I can't imagine, even even in my most vindictive mindset, I can't be like, I'm gonna move up my special day just to get my boyfriend, my brother to break up with her, his girlfriend.

Speaker 2 Like, that's insane. No.
So that.

Speaker 1 Wedding planning,

Speaker 1 I haven't even started because it's like, I can't even imagine wedding planning, the stress, and having to like rapidly move something up because of family health issues.

Speaker 2 Like the stress. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You would really have to hate this girl to do that to yourself. I'm fully planning on eloping, by the way.
I've seen all my cousins get married. I'm technically next in line.

Speaker 2 And I told my aunt, because she's planned all of them. She's like, I know what to do for you now.
I'm like, no, no, no. Plan the party.
I'm just going to go elope and then we can have a party.

Speaker 2 And she's like, okay, I like that.

Speaker 1 I like that. Someone does respond after that, the same person actually.

Speaker 1 So my not they asshole still stands. And that is a red flag that she is giving you an ultimatum because that's the thing here.
It's not like, I'm really mad at you. You're letting me down.

Speaker 1 It's you pick me and my birthday or we're done.

Speaker 1 Like if you are giving someone an ultimatum over something so trivial, but like I understand. Inconsequential.

Speaker 1 yes like it's your 21st it's big it's exciting if you're in the states you get to drink for the first time that can be a big milestone at that age absolutely but 15 years from now

Speaker 1 like i don't remember my 21st really like yeah i don't you know it's like the wedding is really what's more important here in the grand scheme of things yeah so op's edit little update After this post, I texted and called out her behavior, and now she is crying, saying I don't even care for her.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to calm her down, but she is really crying a lot. Did little video call to see her face.
I don't know what to do, bro.

Speaker 1 Edit number two.

Speaker 2 Okay, he's definitely 22. He's young.
He's young. We're good.
We're good.

Speaker 1 Little more update. I think now she has calmed down a bit and is understanding my point of view.

Speaker 1 I said I'll try to either rush things and be on both sides for small time, or we will celebrate a grand one next time slash day or whenever she likes. Now she said, okay,

Speaker 1 and then wrote a long ass emotional paragraph on how much she loves me. After reading that, even I got emotional.
Even if it was genuine or not though, to the people asking, it will be her 21st.

Speaker 2 It's a baby.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. I just, I remember being 20.
You know, it's like, I say every day, it's like, I'm so glad my YouTube channel didn't blow up or take off until I was 22.

Speaker 2 Instead, I was like 16, I would be a psychopath. I'd probably be in jail.
Like there would be a problem. I would be insane.
Really?

Speaker 2 Even then, I feel like 20 to 22. Like I feel like I'm such a different, I was such a different person.
To now I'm 26, I'm just a drastically different person. So

Speaker 2 yes, right now, this is the most important thing to her in life, but also it's like, I feel like even once the wedding happens and she like sees the photo or a boyfriend and his like, maybe he'll be in a suit, nice jacket, something for his sister's wedding, she'll be like, I should be there with him, you know, like I, I, I am being ridiculous.

Speaker 2 I should be there with him, yeah, you know, so hopefully that's the perspective, but I do think that it wouldn't be until after the fact. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I know. I feel like if this was my birthday, I would have just shifted it.
Yeah. Like, I, cause I would want to be at the wedding.

Speaker 2 Like, well, if I was invited, I guess.

Speaker 1 But I'm like, if you have the opportunity to go to a wedding, like, I'd go to the wedding and then have your birthday a different weekend. Uh, there is a comment here from someone.

Speaker 1 They go, 15 years from now, you and your wife will be at your sister's house looking at pictures of her wedding.

Speaker 1 and one of your kids will ask why aren't you in the pictures daddy and your sister will say you blew me off for that girl what was her name and you'll respond laura no lisa yeah it was lisa and op responds and goes yeah lol

Speaker 2 i love when people make fan fictions

Speaker 2 like that's that's that's funny but also it's like yeah i think that's there there is this it's funny i like how i i'm i don't intend to talk in TikTok trends, but there is this like thing going on on TikTok right now.

Speaker 2 I don't know if you've seen this where it's like, oh,

Speaker 2 unmatching with him on Tinder because my future husband would never say that to me or something like that. I love that.
Or it's like things like that.

Speaker 2 It's like, yeah, would your future wife ask you to skip your sister's wedding? No. I think is the question you have to ask yourself.

Speaker 1 And I do think this is. someone who might be a little younger or just not as relationship savvy because a lot of people are now pointing out the red flags.

Speaker 1 And he's like, yeah, you know, I was just conflicted about trying to be in two places at once and trying to make it happen for both of them that I kind of ignored the red flags

Speaker 2 so we do have an update an official like post wedding update or post

Speaker 2 not sure haven't read it it's 10 hours old

Speaker 2 I'm so I'm sad I'm sad

Speaker 1 First of all, thank you for your feedback on my original post. I decided to go to my sister Jane's wedding, but things have gotten a bit more complicated since then.

Speaker 1 When I told Lisa that I would be attending the wedding, she was understandably upset and cried a lot.

Speaker 1 She love-bombed me, showered me with affection and promises, and finally agreed that we could celebrate her birthday the next day. I thought we had come to a reasonable compromise.

Speaker 1 During the wedding weekend, Lisa texted and called constantly with various problems. She claimed her car had broken down and she didn't know what to do.

Speaker 1 Then she said she had an urgent work issue she needed my help with.

Speaker 1 At one point, she sent me a series of frantic messages about our dog acting strangely, only to later admit that he was perfectly fine.

Speaker 1 Lisa also pulled some weird stunts to disturb me.

Speaker 1 She sent a food delivery to my hotel room with a note saying, quote, wish you were here, and even called the hotel pretending to be me and leave a message saying my presence was needed at home urgently.

Speaker 1 It was bizarre and stressful, but I tried to stay focused on supporting my sister. When I got back, I went straight to see Lisa.
She kissed and hugged me a lot, acting overly affectionate.

Speaker 1 However, since then, she's been continuously taunting me about ignoring her for the wedding.

Speaker 1 She makes passive-aggressive comments like, quote, I guess family is more important than I am, and quote, hope Jane's wedding was worth abandoning me. I'm at a loss for how to feel.

Speaker 1 On one hand, I understand she felt neglected, but on the other hand, her behavior during the wedding was extremely disruptive.

Speaker 1 Yet, sometimes she loves and seduces me like I doubt anyone can ever do it that lovely. Our relationship feels quite complicated, and I'm not sure how to move forward.

Speaker 1 Thank you all for the advice on my previous post. I'm trying to navigate this situation, but it's been tough.

Speaker 2 Okay, disruptive is not the word. Unwell is the word.

Speaker 2 Unhinged, deranged.

Speaker 1 There's a couple of their, you know, mentally unstable.

Speaker 2 Yes, that's because not even anything about like, oh, her birthday was wonderful. She didn't have a good time.
Something happened at the birthday. Nothing about the birthday.

Speaker 2 So clearly, it sounds like maybe she didn't even do the birthday because she was focused on mentally, psychologically torturing you the entire time. This is nuts.

Speaker 1 This is time to go out and have dinner with friends based on what she was doing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it sounds.

Speaker 2 And then to, I'm sorry, the way it was being described, I was like, this is what you hear in the dateline episode

Speaker 2 after they find his body. Like, not to take it that extreme, but like, this is not well behavior.
This is not someone who has,

Speaker 2 okay, no, I broke. No, I vote breakup.
I vote. This is yourself.
This is go, I vote, protect your dog and go move in with your sister for a little bit. Literally.
And her new husband.

Speaker 1 Well, that's like, there's so much added stuff here, right? Like, they share a dog together. So are they living together too? Like, this is a very serious relationship.

Speaker 1 And for her to like do all of this, it's giving like

Speaker 1 narcissist who doesn't have the moment on her. And she's doing everything she can to bring the attention back to her and sabotage the other happy thing that's going on.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Car, work emergency, dog emergency, sending food to the hotel, sending, pretending to be himself to ask for, like, I didn't get that.

Speaker 2 So she called the hotel pretending to be him, saying that I have to check. What was it that I have to check out to go home for an urgent meeting?

Speaker 1 Saying my presence was needed at home urgently.

Speaker 1 What are you trying to do with that?

Speaker 2 That sounds like it's trying to cancel his hotel reservation. Like, pretended to be me.
My presence is needed at home urgently. I've said that when I have to leave places, like, hey, I have to go.

Speaker 2 I have to have a family emergency for hotels and stuff because I travel so much. Oh, my God.
And it's like they really won't argue with a family emergency for the most part, any hotel, really.

Speaker 2 And so it sounds like she was trying to cancel his hotel room while he was there.

Speaker 1 I thought she was leaving a message for him like on

Speaker 1 the hotel room voicemail. Like, oh, you can leave a message for someone.
But pretending to be me. That makes more sense.
She was trying to cancel him.

Speaker 2 She was trying to cancel his hotel room. So you would have to come home.
Yeah. That's deranged.
That's deranged. That's insane.

Speaker 2 That's an episode of Dayline. That's a YouTube post-mortem.
That's something's wrong. That's, I, I wouldn't

Speaker 2 exit this relationship because this is, she also, if, it doesn't, does he say how long after that this has been going on for now since he's been home no he doesn't mention it it sounds like this is something that like for the rest like at your wedding

Speaker 2 she would bring up like to your sister or something like oh yeah remember when he chose you over me and now we're getting married like it sounds like

Speaker 1 it's gonna go on forever the original post is 17 days old this update is coming 10 hours ago okay it's tuesday

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 if i'm envisioning this timeline i feel

Speaker 1 like this past week the wedding was this past Saturday. So it's been a few days.

Speaker 2 Four days. Three days.

Speaker 2 Now you're a big old age of 21. Okay.
You should know.

Speaker 2 I know you got a few more years till your frontal load fell ups, but still, it's

Speaker 2 no,

Speaker 2 I'd call it.

Speaker 2 It's not worth it. It's not worth it.
And this is, what, a few days after? Like, it's not even like, it didn't, it didn't even, like, she didn't even let it fester. She was just immediately like,

Speaker 2 actually.

Speaker 1 I mean, just the comment: I guess family is more important than I am.

Speaker 2 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Hope Jane's wedding was worth abandoning me. He didn't abandon you.

Speaker 2 If, like, if this was anything but a birthday, if she had a surgery that he said, I will take care of you after the surgery.

Speaker 2 If this was, hey, our dog is getting surgery, you know, hey, I'm scared of being home alone and we're going to have construction workers here, you know, any of that. It's like.

Speaker 2 Anything else other than a birthday, I think I would be like, okay, I can get like feeling hurt. Like, oh, we made this commitment.
It's a birthday. It's a birthday.
It's a birthday.

Speaker 2 And your sister, his sister got married. And this is going to be potentially your future sister-in-law.
And you can't have any form of perspective. Yeah, no, no.
I'm sorry. He's not the asshole.

Speaker 2 He's not the asshole, but he does need to get out of this relationship, I think. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Top comment on the update: there are more red flags in Lisa's behavior than at a communist party meeting. Get out while you can.

Speaker 2 Next comment.

Speaker 1 More red flags than a minesweeper on hard.

Speaker 1 And if that ain't the truth, that little game was a bitch.

Speaker 1 Communist Party meeting. Damn, that person really.

Speaker 1 They popped off. They popped off.
I'm concerned for him. I think he needs to go in a witsc

Speaker 2 yeah, it's

Speaker 2 yeah,

Speaker 2 I think it's time. I think it's out.
I think it's out.

Speaker 2 You tested your relationship. You tried.

Speaker 1 You tried.

Speaker 2 This was the test that broke the camel's back because she couldn't have a birthday dinner with her friends and not you. um

Speaker 1 yeah yeah no and then she i don't know it doesn't even sound like she did the birthday because there's no talk of the birthday no i'm trying to look at op's comments to see if there's anything crucial we're missing um

Speaker 1 not any mention of breaking up yet

Speaker 1 well it's been 10 hours it's only been 10 hours um by the end of us recording there will be an update i know op does mention that like she doesn't really have that many friends.

Speaker 1 She actually only has a few friends. I mean, there are many, but they aren't that close with her.

Speaker 1 The reason she says is it's because of me. She keeps me in priority so she eventually gives less time to her friends.

Speaker 2 That's not healthy.

Speaker 2 That's no. Okay.
Yeah, cut it. Cut it.
Because also that's putting pressure onto you to be her whole world because she has no support system outside of you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Which is also just not healthy in general to not have any form of a support system outside of your partner. No.

Speaker 1 There is a comment OP responds to here. So someone says that's emotional manipulation and once again, a red flag.
And OP says, yeah, maybe. By the way, I ain't denying.
So stop downvoting me.

Speaker 1 I don't know why, but I just fall for her so easily.

Speaker 2 Because she's hot, I'm assuming.

Speaker 1 Just sounds like toxic. It's that vicious cycle.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Just not a healthy relationship.
And you mentioned seducing or whatever.

Speaker 2 And so I'm just like, I need you to think without your penis for five minutes and think about, you know, the desire to stay out of a body bag. Like, I need you to think

Speaker 2 with that mental, like, that elevated level of thinking of like, how can I get to tomorrow? Um, because this is concerning. Um, and yeah, I would, I think, ending this.

Speaker 1 The desire to stay out of a body bag.

Speaker 2 That is beautiful.

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Speaker 2 Seriously, that is where we're inching towards.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's these, these are not just like, this isn't like key or car this is scary behavior i think oh i i think this even if they break up i i think he's gonna have to keep his head on a swivel for a while

Speaker 1 wish him the best yes

Speaker 1 Okay, friends, trigger warning for this next one. It does contain talks of animal abuse, animal death, and some serious mental health issues.

Speaker 1 So please do not take this trigger warning lightly and skip ahead. Time stamps are in the description on YouTube if you want to just go go to the next story.
Okay, thank you.

Speaker 1 This is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit.

Speaker 1 It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Letting My Psychopath Little Sister See My Dog?

Speaker 2 There's a lot here. I'm gonna go with no.

Speaker 1 For context, I, 25 female, recently moved out of my parents' house.

Speaker 1 My little sister, 13 female, has always stole my parents' attention and, in numerous occasions, has proven to have psychopathic behaviors. For example, she has killed numerous family pets.

Speaker 1 My dad always has wanted to punish her, but my mom defended her saying that, quote, she just didn't know any better. Now, a year ago, I got my first pet.
His name was Arlo.

Speaker 1 He was a golden retriever rescue dog, and he lived with me while I searched for apartments. He was about five years old, but he was my best friend.

Speaker 1 I have never been the one to have the biggest friend group, so taking Arlo out every day was what got me out of bed every morning.

Speaker 1 One day I arrived at my parents' house after work, but I didn't hear Arlo's distinctive bark. I thought the worst, so I ran to my room where Arlo was shaking and whining in agony.

Speaker 1 My sister had arrived after school and wanted to use Arlo as a pony, ending up in a broken spine.

Speaker 1 In summary, Arlo ended up being buried in our backyard a few hours later.

Speaker 1 Again, my mom didn't do anything and said, quote, she's just a kid. Let her do what she wants.

Speaker 1 A few days ago, my maternal aunt gifted me a Labrador puppy, which I named Buzz.

Speaker 1 I posted a story on Instagram, but my family saw it, and now my mom can't stop texting me that my sister wants to meet him.

Speaker 1 I told her that she won't be seeing him anytime soon. My mom didn't stop insisting, so I ended up blocking her.
Yesterday, I woke up and my dog was barking at my face.

Speaker 1 Turns out my mom had taken my sister out of school so that she could meet my puppy.

Speaker 1 I didn't open the door, but a few minutes later, my sister grabbed her school lunch, banging on my window and almost breaking it.

Speaker 1 I told my mom to control her daughter, but she didn't respond and only stood there, watching the chaos unload. I had to call the cops to get them to go away.
My dog was terrified, and I was too.

Speaker 2 Am I the asshole? No, oh my god,

Speaker 1 Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 No, absolutely not. Oh my God.
With okay, my brother's not 13. He's 22, 23.

Speaker 2 But I also, it would be if he had done something, like I love my brother, if he had done something that, if anyone had done something that directly led to the harm of my dog, let alone me having to bury my dog a couple hours later.

Speaker 2 This is this is being recorded. You wouldn't find them.
Like you wouldn't find this human being anymore. This is a child.
This is a 13 year old.

Speaker 2 But if this has happened to numerous pets and then to this person's pet as well, something is psychologically wrong with the child at that point. Forget even being a psychopath.

Speaker 2 I don't know if there's any other impulse control issues, anything else that might be attesting to this.

Speaker 2 The fact that the mom is like actively like, no, no, no, this could end up in a situation where like this child ends up killing their mom.

Speaker 2 Like not to go so dramatic with this, you're going to need to put a lot of trigger warnings on this. I know.

Speaker 2 This is, this is horrific. Yeah, you might need a restraining order against your sister at this point and your mother, because your mother just, hey,

Speaker 2 I moved away. This is my dog.
My sister killed my dog, and now I've moved away and I have a new puppy, and you are now going to force me to put my dog around my sister. No,

Speaker 2 no.

Speaker 2 That's insane.

Speaker 1 I'm blown away by this one. Like,

Speaker 1 a 13-year-old and then the mom just enabling her. Like, ma'am, do you not see that your daughter just killed another family pet? Hey, you know, five years old accidentally kills a goldfish.

Speaker 1 That's a different story than 13 years old and trying to ride a golden retriever thinking it's a goddamn horse. Absolutely not.
Hell fucking no.

Speaker 1 I'm so happy for OP that she's able to have her own apartment now and get out of this fucking house. Yeah.
And I think you are absolutely right. I think it is time for a restraining order.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 These people are unhinged. The mom pulled her out of school so she can go meet this puppy.

Speaker 2 Because she was hoping that she would not be at her apartment, I bet. That's during the work day.
That's during the school day.

Speaker 2 She was hoping her daughter would not be at the apartment where the dog was.

Speaker 1 And what are they going to do? Break in to meet this dog?

Speaker 2 Sounds like she was banging on the door with the lunchbox.

Speaker 1 Why is this mom so scared of giving her kid a consequence?

Speaker 2 You're going to be the reason she kills someone and then calls you to help hide the body. Are deranged.
Some parents are deranged. I don't talk to one of my parents.

Speaker 2 This is a total tangent, but like literally, it's the same thing where it's like, oh no, okay, I need to make sure I keep my one kid happy because my other kid won't speak to me.

Speaker 2 It's like that same thing. So they would let other siblings get away with so much.
Yeah, girl cousin versus scapegoat mentality.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yes.

Speaker 2 Fully. And so it's like, okay, well,

Speaker 2 but also I think there are so many parents, because I've seen this so much now, especially as someone who has like cut off ties with a parent.

Speaker 2 There are parents who their whole goal in life is to only be seen as a good parent.

Speaker 2 And so their whole thing, it's like, no, no, no, if I admit that they're doing something wrong, that's me failing as a parent.

Speaker 2 And it's like, but you're enabling this behavior to continue versus admitting that something is wrong. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it's like your child needs therapy. Your child needs psychological help of some sort.

Speaker 2 Cause also I'm really hung up on multiple family pets being multiple. Because like, that's

Speaker 2 that's a lot. And then, you know, also, it sounds like, is this all over the sports fan of like, so she lost her first dog.
Uh, and then within a year, she got the puppy.

Speaker 2 And so it's like, okay, so this child is either 12 or 13. It doesn't matter.
This is a, a, a tween. This is a young teenager.
You know, this is.

Speaker 1 That's insane. I mean, I think at

Speaker 2 to have a, to have a, a body count attached to your age at 13 is crazy.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, I'm thinking, I'm like, at what age do you know that not to hurt animals?

Speaker 1 I think at 13 or 12, by that point, you know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I feel like toddlers, we see these videos all the time of a toddler grabbing a catchment. It's like, no, don't do that.
Gentle hands, whatever. Yeah.
You know, we see that all the time.

Speaker 2 By 13, you know the consequences of like life and death, good and bad. Maybe not fully like in your being, but you know, oh, if I hurt, if I, if I hit the dog, it will hurt them.

Speaker 2 This, if, if I get on top of the dog, it will hurt them. Like, you understand that process a little bit.

Speaker 1 Dude, I want her to get attacked by a dog so bad. I want a dog to just like run from the middle of nowhere on a street and just bite her.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I maybe scare her. I don't want to wish harm on a child, like a 13-year-old, but at the same time, I'll wish harm.
A bite, a bite, a bite, something. Just a bite.
Something.

Speaker 1 I'm not hoping she gets hit by a car, but like, I hope she gets bit by something to where she maybe respects animals a little bit.

Speaker 2 She's hoping that she wants to hurt a golden retriever to the point that she broke. We good.

Speaker 1 I'm like, okay, I'm hearing myself now. I'm like, no, you're good.

Speaker 2 I'm on him. No, you're okay.
I'm just so pissed. I know.
No, I'm no.

Speaker 2 To hurt a dog to the point where it's like, you broke their spine.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is

Speaker 2 especially a golden retriever. They're big fucking dogs.
Like, that takes so much. That's so disgusting.

Speaker 1 How do you know the dog was like trying to probably run away?

Speaker 2 I'm like, I know.

Speaker 2 But also, the dog is five and probably, like, she said he was from a shelter.

Speaker 2 So he probably was just like, oh no, I'm going to get hurt again. Because like, you don't know what this dog has been through before.
I'm going to start crying. I know.

Speaker 2 Oh, fucking.

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know what? I take it back.
Yeah, this kid needs to get bit by a dog or something. Actually, I want this kid nowhere near a dog.

Speaker 2 I don't want this kid to get anywhere near the chance for a dog to bite them because I want them to be away from animals for the rest of time.

Speaker 1 I wonder if that's something that you could actually get put on someone's driver's license.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, on the back of a driver's license, it's like, can't drive at night, can't be around dogs, can't be around animals. Like, I wonder if that's something you could actually like

Speaker 1 charges and have that put on their record and then it's attached to them.

Speaker 2 Technically, yes, because it's kind of like, like, if someone's on parole or something, it's like, oh, you can't be seen around, you know, uh, felons or anything like that.

Speaker 2 Like, that is something that they can, like, that could be a break in your parole or things like that.

Speaker 2 But it would come to the point of, I think, having to go to like be convicted of something or be plead guilty to something. I I think.

Speaker 1 Open needs to press charges.

Speaker 1 Top comment: You need to report this to the authorities. Your sister is abusing pets, and your parents are letting her.
Next, they'll probably get another dog and she'll terrorize it.

Speaker 1 Please report them to animal shelters and/or breeders in the area so they can't get another dog.

Speaker 1 And put cameras around your home. Make sure your doors and windows are locked.
And don't tell your family where you take the dog for walks.

Speaker 1 And don't take the dog to family events because your sister will hurt him.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
I, it's, and that's the thing where it's like, sometimes I'm like, okay, I think some people are being paranoid because I'm very much a paranoid person.

Speaker 2 I fully, I'm like, okay, what's the worst possible case scenario? Let's operate as if that's true. I'm there.
You have evidence that your sister is a danger to pets.

Speaker 2 This isn't paranoia. This isn't, oh, she threw our cat one time and it landed on its feet.
Like, you have a direct, she rode him like a pony and it broke his spine, and then we had to bury my dog.

Speaker 2 Like, that is direct evidence that your sister is a violence, is a terror to animals and is exhibiting psychopathic behavior. You absolutely need cameras.

Speaker 2 You need a restraining order, frankly, right off the bat, especially against your parents, because your parents are enabling that behavior. And it's, especially if they, yeah, I agree.
Report them.

Speaker 1 I honestly want her to move and like not share the address.

Speaker 2 I've done that. I highly recommend it.
Don't tell your parents that you're not in contact with that you, where you live. I'm full for it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Move and do not share.
So people are questioning, like, you actually thought you were the asshole.

Speaker 1 And OP responds, I actually thought I might be because when speaking to my brother, who's in college, by the way, he said that he agreed with me, but maybe it was too harsh on calling the cops.

Speaker 1 Sorry for not being specific.

Speaker 1 There is a little bit of a edit that OP put in the comments. Hi, I just posted this a few hours ago, but I thought I might clarify a few things a lot of you asked me about.

Speaker 1 One, we live in South Hemisphere and my little sister just got out of winter break from school. She's not on summer vacation until early December.

Speaker 1 Two, the pets that my sister had killed until now were numerous hamsters, fish, and a baby chick my brother got for his birthday.

Speaker 1 I left Arlo at home locked in a space only I could access in the backyard. My mom/slash sister somehow got the keys to the gate and my sister rode him in the backyard.
Three, my dad is a pilot.

Speaker 1 That's why we don't see him around that often. From what I know, my dad is trying to get a divorce from her and full custody of my sister.

Speaker 1 Four, before burying him, my dad did take Arlo to the vet with me where they discovered the spine injury. Then I confronted my mom where she admitted to my sister sitting on his back.

Speaker 1 I'll update soon. I also bought a ring camera and I'm searching for a new apartment.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yay.
Progress. Steps.
Fantastic. No, but that makes more sense because I was like, the fact that he knew to go and hide in her room, like after he got out of the gate, after the sister hurt him.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Like, it's like, oh, God, sorry. I'm going to start crying again.
I know. This is just really,

Speaker 1 things are not okay.

Speaker 2 I told you. No, things aren't.
You need trigger warnings for this whole thing. I do think you need to call someone.

Speaker 2 I think you need, especially because regardless of whether or not your parents are trying to get a divorce or your dad's not there or not, at this point, it's like your sister needs psychological help.

Speaker 2 There needs to be a record of something because like, I think that's one thing.

Speaker 2 The last thing that you want is to hear, oh, well, the neighbor's dog, something happened to the neighbor's dog, but they don't know who.

Speaker 2 And it's like, okay, but if you would put a record of this in, then they would know that your sister has a history of this. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, and it's like, I'm sorry, just because when she was younger, smaller animals, yeah, that makes sense. That is still a history of behavior of causing the death of a living thing.
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 Fish, hamster, chick, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 2 That's a lot of animals. Yeah, that's multiple hamsters.

Speaker 1 I mean, one goldfish, like,

Speaker 1 I get it. Stuff happens.

Speaker 2 If you change the water too fast, they can blub up and that like beta fish are crazy my brother once put our beta fishes in two separate tanks next to each other my my fish jumped out of the tank because it was trying to fight the other one i was on i was on a girlfriend beta fish are so nuts they're so hot what was crazy how do they even reproduce if they hate each other so much i don't know it's so weird how are they around still it's insane it's insane i think you need to report something absolutely it's time get it attached to her their her little dumbass record yeah Yeah, something.

Speaker 2 Or even like, I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Summer southern hemisphere.

Speaker 2 I don't know if if that means Australia or like I know Mexico Panama something yeah but like what if there's like a class pet or something like I would honestly tell the school

Speaker 2 that's a good idea actually maybe you don't want to take it to the step of calling the authorities but like I would alert the school like hi I am her sister people need to be aware yeah what if she goes to a friend's house yeah with pets yeah like people need to be aware this is but also at that point when you go to the school if it's something like that I think well at least here in the US like, because usually they have to at least have like a school therapist or something talk to someone.

Speaker 2 So at the very least, you would ensure that she is getting some form of professional help to some capacity.

Speaker 2 It sounds bad.

Speaker 2 There might, I don't know what child support, child protective services would be involved in something like that, but like there needs, something needs to be done because this is, at the very least, your mother is enabling this insane behavior.

Speaker 1 She needs help. They all need help.

Speaker 2 But yeah, especially this little girl.

Speaker 1 I think that's a great idea because schools are also mandated reporters.

Speaker 2 Typically, again, we don't know exactly where the southern hemisphere is very broad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and so I'm

Speaker 1 hoping that if OP did report to the school or keep

Speaker 1 going down this track of like reporting to the police to get a restraining order and all of these things, like someone within that system,

Speaker 1 systems would have a way to get this little girl some psychiatric help.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, getting going away from this.

Speaker 2 I need some liquid.

Speaker 1 I know. God, there's no other updates on the account.
Last comment from OP was 20 days ago, so we will keep our eyes peeled, everyone. Yay.

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Speaker 1 Unwell. Not swell.

Speaker 2 Not swell. Not swell at all.
Not at all.

Speaker 1 This next one, I'm like, oh, God, do I rearrange? Maybe I rearrange and give us a little something more. you know, monotonous.
Okay.

Speaker 2 More typical. All right.

Speaker 1 It's not going to be light. light.

Speaker 2 That's fine. But they never are.
I do have a palette cleanser at the end, though.

Speaker 1 So you know, if you can't handle the rest, just skip to the end.

Speaker 2 It does get a little better.

Speaker 1 This one is four days old, coming from our very own Tuha Takes subreddit. It is titled, Am I the Asshole?

Speaker 1 My husband has ruined my birthday two years in a row, and this was the last straw in our marriage.

Speaker 2 Ooh.

Speaker 1 My husband, 29, and I, 32, have been married for eight years. We have four boys ages four and under, so our life is extremely busy.

Speaker 1 I'm a stay-at-home mom who babysits other children for money, and I'm in school full-time.

Speaker 1 My husband works seven to one, Monday through Friday, and does nothing to help around the house and spends little to no time with our boys.

Speaker 1 I take care of our boys, the house, and everything in between while in school, so my downtime is little to none.

Speaker 1 Well, last year my husband completely forgot about my birthday, and I I had to tell him at 3 p.m. that he forgot about it.

Speaker 1 And I got a pity party dinner that was crap because the kids were just screaming the whole time while he sat there and enjoyed his meal and left me to the mess.

Speaker 1 Well, today is my birthday, and all I asked for was a break. I didn't even want to go out to dinner because I knew it was just going to be me trying to keep the children chill and quiet while out.

Speaker 1 So instead, I asked for a break and to order in dinner so I had literally nothing to do. Well, he gets off of work, comes home, and just goes to sleep.
He left me to deal with the kids.

Speaker 1 On top of it, I had to do our budget just to see if we could afford dinner and grabbing the food. I ended up just making the boys dinner and that's it.

Speaker 1 So then he calls me petty and a child because I didn't make him food. I also refuse to talk to him and I'm done giving in to talking it out because he is never wrong.

Speaker 1 Our marriage is already shitty with infidelity, he belittles me, and the way he treats me is honestly terrible. But I'm trying to at least stick it out until I have a degree and can support my boys.

Speaker 1 But I don't know how much longer I can take it anymore and being treated this way. But am I the asshole for this being my last straw?

Speaker 2 No, because I think that this is, again, I don't think you're the asshole because I think that this is the story we hear all the time of guys being like, I don't know why she wants a divorce.

Speaker 2 Everything was fine. And it's like that tolerable level of unhappiness that they see in women a lot with marriages.
And it sounds like, yeah, the day-to-day is what's driving you crazy.

Speaker 2 But you asked for one thing for your birthday and he couldn't give you that. And then he made it his problem by being like, you were being petty because you didn't make me food.
That's insane.

Speaker 1 Like, did he forget again that it's her birthday?

Speaker 2 And no, I think it just, he doesn't care about her. He thinks I don't have to do anything because he's never had to is what it sounds like.
It's the day-to-day, it's everything.

Speaker 2 And then I'm sorry, the, she brushed past the infidelities a lot.

Speaker 1 I know. Which I was like, that's a reason alone.

Speaker 2 Like, no, you don't deserve that. That, and then it's, yeah, because he doesn't, it's like, no, it's not a big deal.
You're making a big deal out of the fact that I cheated on you.

Speaker 2 It's like, oh, it was this, it was one time. You know, like it was whatever.
And it's like, no, no, no, that's added up. And it's everything together.

Speaker 2 So yes, this is the breaking point because it's like, no, no, no, I'm done. It's the one dinner.
It's the one tube of toothpaste not being replaced.

Speaker 2 It's, it's, it's, it's usually something small like that. Yeah.
But it's not that. No.
You know?

Speaker 1 it just finally, I think you have those moments where after suffering for so long, after making excuses or putting up with it, you have that one moment of clarity that just takes the blinders off.

Speaker 1 And you're finally like, it's that hallelujah moment where it's just like,

Speaker 1 and you just see everything for what it actually is.

Speaker 1 No, this person doesn't love me because if they did, they would help with the kids. Why did he even want kids? He's not a a participant in their life at all.

Speaker 2 When he explained, when she said the ages, I started doing math in my head. I was like, this sounds suspicious.

Speaker 1 Because they were boys under four. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then she's been pregnant for the last four years constantly. Yeah.
Getting pregnant immediately after that waiting period. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's

Speaker 2 so stressed. God, the stress on your body alone and then trying to finish up school while doing that.

Speaker 1 And babysitting other kids for extra money. Like, what isn't she doing?

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I'd leave him. I'm sorry.
I'd leave him in a heartbeat. She's a single parent as it is.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 All it would be is that you would, if it sounds bad, if anything, you would force him to be an active participant because a judge might mandate it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Who is going to take care of the kids if you have 50-50 custody?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's responsible for those kids then. And there's no one there to step in.
You're not going to be there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's like, I know this shouldn't be the reason why guys step up or other parents step up, but you look at that first story we had where he's like, My girlfriend's not acting like a girlfriend. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I now have to take care of my kid.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is the same thing. You're going to have to take care of your kid.
Yeah. Be a good partner.
Be in it 50-50. Otherwise, you're going to have to be 100%

Speaker 1 50% of the time. And I'll tell you right now, you're always going to get it easier with another person in that house with you.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't think you're the asshole. I think

Speaker 2 it might feel pet. I'm assuming she's feeling guilty and petty about like, am I being, am I overthinking this birthday thing? Because, but it's like, it's not the birthday thing.

Speaker 2 And I hope one day you realize that, that it's not the birthday thing, but it's just what. I hope you, I hope you find a lovely therapist who helps you work through some of these feelings.

Speaker 2 And I hope you find a great divorce lawyer. Fantastic one.

Speaker 1 I'm so mad. And I'm sure she loves her kids, but four under four just

Speaker 1 like such a handful.

Speaker 2 Oh, gosh.

Speaker 1 I went to go see if there's any other comments from OP, and someone was like, please don't have any more kids with him.

Speaker 1 And OP does share one positive. We are both snipped, so not possible, thankfully.

Speaker 1 Just never have sex with him again, though, honestly.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Why? Why?

Speaker 1 He doesn't deserve it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, also, how do we know for if he could be lying about being sniffed? I don't know. I don't trust this man at all.
I don't trust him.

Speaker 1 Top comment: you don't have four kids. You have five.

Speaker 1 The oldest one is just an entitled man baby. He is completely selfish and has no respect for you at all.
Think about it like this if he was gone would you have more work around the house or less

Speaker 1 if the answer is less then you don't have a partner i'm sorry

Speaker 2 yeah i agree i think you again it's i think so much of you know especially situations like this, it's like, it's the, the birthday is making you realize like you're recontextualizing everything that you've been through.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And it's like, it's questions like that.
What happens to your, like, would it be easier for you to go through school if you were divorced? Would it be easier for you at this point? I know.

Speaker 2 Because you're not taking care of a fifth kid?

Speaker 1 Well, and it's like, he honestly sounds like he's got great hours. He works Monday to Friday, seven to one.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Come home, take a power nap, but still spend time with his family.
Yeah. And then get good sleep and no weekends.
Like,

Speaker 1 this sounds amazing. Yeah.
And yet he's not contributing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 Again, lemonade style bat to the playstation what yeah like

Speaker 2 i just no it's one of those things as well because it's like i it's not so much 50 like what's an equitable work like you know it's like yeah if i was with someone and they worked crazy hours of course i'm gonna end up doing more of the housework because they're gone all the time you know and i work from home like that just makes sense but it's like yeah he's home you're in school all right and she's doing extra work on the side and he's dicking around like it's that's ridiculous and on her birthday i yeah so i get it i get it it's funny there's a a lot of there's a birthday theme happening i know you realize that we have that like happens every episode i feel like i pick a theme but there's like secretly another underlying theme yeah i kind of love how they come about yeah he's not swell i hope you leave him yeah

Speaker 2 we don't have any updates yet um i mean this is this is really fresh this is do you ever comment on your own subreddit oh yeah oh yeah sometimes i can't hold back um and if you're listening divorce divorce divorce divorce Think about it this way as well.

Speaker 2 Because I, as someone whose parents are divorced, okay,

Speaker 2 I think a lot of people like to think like, oh, kids are young, especially having four under four.

Speaker 2 I think people think like, oh, these kids don't realize like how bad that I'm unhappy, that the marriage is unhappy, whatever. I think kids internalize a lot more than people realize.
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 And so I think you'd rather, would you rather your kids see you unhappy and stressed out constantly or, you know,

Speaker 2 alone not taking care of, you know, their father as well. And, you know, the chance for both of you to be happy, honestly.
Because

Speaker 2 he's, he's happy because you're unhappy right now, is what it sounds like. And that's no way to go through life.

Speaker 1 No, and I think honestly, maybe he's trying to push her to the edge of like, ah, well, it won't be my fault then if she asks for a divorce. Like, she could be instigating this.

Speaker 1 And I think you make a great point that, like, yes, they are under four, but kids are so intuitive. And a comment here kind of piggybacks off what you're saying.

Speaker 1 I'm also concerned about the example he's showing her boys. It won't be long until they start imitating him and treating her the same way.
She should get out before that starts taking root.

Speaker 2 Because they're all boys, right?

Speaker 1 All boys. Four boys is crazy.

Speaker 1 Were you hoping for a girl?

Speaker 2 Because I feel like they probably were.

Speaker 1 At that point, and I get it's expensive, but like,

Speaker 1 I would just want to Petri dish it. Like, I'm not taking no chances.

Speaker 2 Adoption. Adoption is beautiful.
Yes. No, it's, yeah, you, that's the risk you take, I think, as well as it's like kids start mimicking.
I'm sure she sees this as well.

Speaker 2 Like, that's why she's the one that has, he's, it's kind of like that one, uh, there was this one clip, I think, perfectly exhibits this. And it was

Speaker 2 a a girl and a guy eating dinner. And it's like, they have the dogs in the living room with them while they're eating on the couch.

Speaker 2 And it's like, oh, can you tell which one of us gives, shares food with the dogs? And it's like, she's eating no problem.

Speaker 2 And the dogs are just staring there like him, like all up in his face, waiting for him to give them a piece of pizza. And it's like the same thing.

Speaker 2 It's like he, they know they're not going to get attention from their dad at dinner. That's why you have to be wrangling them the entire time.
Absolutely. And so he's able to eat no problem.

Speaker 2 And that's going to flip at some point where they will see this behavior and see the standoffishness. And it's like,

Speaker 2 what type of kids do you want your kids to grow into? What type of adults do you want them to grow into? Do you want them to grow into someone like their father?

Speaker 2 And if the answer is no, I think you need a divorce. Yeah.
I think you need a divorce.

Speaker 1 I would say immediately, because someone does point out here, and I don't know how true this is. I'm not a child psychologist, whatever.
But someone does say some things are pretty set by age six.

Speaker 1 I would want them away from him well before that.

Speaker 1 So it's like we're kind of in a crucial window here. They're little sponges.
Yeah. They're soaking it all up.

Speaker 2 It's time. Yeah.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 And I understand like.

Speaker 1 You know, she might not have the luxury of being able to do it on her own, but you might. You might be able to do it.

Speaker 2 She basically is, though. It sounds like he's contributing a paycheck, which I know is a lot.
That's not nothing, but like he's not contributing anything emotionally.

Speaker 1 No, but also, like, you know, if you do get divorced, hopefully, the judge will allocate a decent amount of child support. Maybe you'll get spousal support based on his income.

Speaker 1 You have the babysitting other kids for money, and you're going to be done with school, hopefully, very soon.

Speaker 1 Like, I get that sometimes leaving a bad situation is, you know, it's not always accessible because of financial abuse or finances, but I think, I think it can be done here. Like you are a hustler.

Speaker 1 It sounds like you're really trying to make your, your way in life. And I, I think you could, yeah, could do this.

Speaker 2 And if you're in a communal property state, 50-50. You don't need a prenup.
Hey, you should get a prenup still. I'm pro-nup, but I'm with you.

Speaker 2 But yes, like California is a 50-50 state, split down the middle pretty much. So it's like you wouldn't leave with nothing for the most part.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know about what state you're in, obviously, but yeah, pro-divorce.

Speaker 1 Pro-divorce.

Speaker 1 We're going to have to keep our eyes peeled on this one. Please update us, OP, if you're out there listening.
Please wishing you so well because you truly do deserve it. This is unacceptable.

Speaker 1 Unacceptable.

Speaker 2 Think about it this way. Do you want him in your graduation photos when you graduate school? Do you want him in those photos or do you just want your kids in those photos? Think about that.

Speaker 2 Because I think that's a good parameter, too. It's like, would you feel cheated if he was in those photos with you and he hasn't supported you at all?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because it's like you're taking away

Speaker 1 my day,

Speaker 1 my shine on my day. You did nothing to help get me here.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Fuck you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is why you go watch Amanda's stuff.

Speaker 2 It's just

Speaker 2 all the time. All the time.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I'm going to give you a choice on this last actual story.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 So we have a choice between this one titled, I've been spending time with a good friend more recently, but I think he's only doing it so he can look at my daughter.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Or,

Speaker 1 am I the asshole for not giving my sister who eloped as generous as a gift as my sister who had a traditional wedding?

Speaker 2 I'm going to judge both people, but

Speaker 1 and you just know people are out there just screaming, a man

Speaker 1 pick number.

Speaker 2 Okay, I want, I, I, there's a child's safety at risk, so we're gonna do the first one. Okay, okay, okay, We're going to focus on that one versus the

Speaker 2 especially because I mentioned a low pain earlier.

Speaker 2 You know, and we've had some wedding ones already. Yeah, yeah.
We've done some weddings. Okay.
I think this is going to be

Speaker 2 the first one. The first one.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So this post is coming from R slash advice. Okay.

Speaker 1 Again, titled, I've been spending time with a good friend more recently, but I think he's only doing it so he can look at my daughter.

Speaker 1 The last few months, I've been chatting to a friend more regularly than previous. We've been friends for over a decade, and we used to be really close, but we slowly drifted apart.

Speaker 1 I should probably mention that we are both men in our 40s. It's been great catching up with him, and honestly, I really needed a friend, so it's just been great.

Speaker 1 He's got a long-term girlfriend and two young children. A couple of months ago, we visited his house for the first time.

Speaker 1 He recently moved, and we weren't speaking much before that, just an occasional comment on Facebook.

Speaker 1 And me, my 14-year-old son, and 20-year-old daughter, spent a few hours honestly just chatting about nothing, but in a good way, you know.

Speaker 1 While we were there, I noticed that he kept looking at my daughter out of the corner of his eye.

Speaker 1 I never really caught him fully looking, so I didn't think much of it, especially as he has known my kids for over a decade.

Speaker 1 I didn't mention it to my daughter as I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable if it was nothing.

Speaker 1 A couple of months went past, and we visited them again.

Speaker 1 He kept talking to my daughter and not really me, which is fine, but it just seemed odd when my daughter has really bad anxiety and she can't really hold a conversation and she makes it clear when she's uncomfortable talking.

Speaker 1 He just seemed to keep looking at her and talking. Even if he was talking to me, he would just look at her.
The final straw was last week.

Speaker 1 We visited them and we've been having a heat wave, so we were all dressed in as minimal as possible. My daughter in a thin pair of skorts and a t-shirt.

Speaker 1 My son in a pair of athletic shorts and a gym top, and me in a polo shirt and white chino shorts. Nothing unusual, just basic summerwear.

Speaker 1 When we were all in conversation, he would look at my daughter. When anyone told a joke, he would smirk a little or give a small laugh, depending.

Speaker 1 But if my daughter told something mildly funny, he would really laugh to the point that even she would look awkward. He kept dropping out of conversation and just staring at her.

Speaker 1 I think she noticed it as well because she started to lean back in her chair to try to cover herself, even though she was fine. She looked uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 Then when the sun set, she put on a thick jacket and zipped it up.

Speaker 1 I don't know if he's just trying to be friendly and he doesn't know how to act or if he's only inviting us around to stare at her, and if so, then I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 Yes, she's 20, but she's still my little girl.

Speaker 2 And this man watched her grow up.

Speaker 1 It just seems strange. I don't know if I should say something or just don't go there again.

Speaker 1 Either way, I think it's the end of the friendship, which is a shame, but oh well.

Speaker 2 Ooh.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Because like I'm really, my dad is one of my best friends, you know, and he's in his 50s now. I'm 26, you know, and he has a lot of older friends.

Speaker 2 And I've, especially when I used, before I was a YouTuber and that was like my full-time job, I did videography and editing work for his like events and things like that.

Speaker 2 And so without fail, because it would be like a lot of strangers, a lot of startup people.

Speaker 2 They would just make comments about, oh, you've got all these hot young people working for you. And it's like, cool, I'll tell my daughter and my girlfriend's niece that you said that.

Speaker 2 Like, I'll be sure to tell them that you said that. And then I would hear comments like, too bad that's his daughter and things like that throughout the event afterwards.

Speaker 2 And people then still would be like, oh, are we going to get a beer after this?

Speaker 2 I'm like, no, like, like, I would be like 20, I'd be 20, 19, whatever, making comments to me like this throughout the time. Like, too bad, that's his daughter.

Speaker 2 And it's like, and I would tell my dad, I'm like, hi, you need to say something or I will. And I have anxiety, but not when it comes to weird older men.
Okay. I will fully make you feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 She clearly is not that way. And so before he does anything else, I would first talk with my daughter.
Yeah. I would, not with your son there, not in a group setting.

Speaker 2 Maybe, hey, let's do a little father-daughter ice cream day. Let's go out.
You know, let's go do something. Okay.

Speaker 2 Cause she clearly lives at home or something at the very least, which is very common these days to be 20 and living at home, I think. And I would just like bring it up.

Speaker 2 It's like, oh, hey, like, what do you think of, like, don't bring it up, like, do you have a weird vibe? Anything like that, but I would be like, how do you feel about, you know, so-and-so?

Speaker 2 He wants to like do dinner again soon. Like, how do you feel about him? Like, are you, do you guys, do you guys like, hang, do you and your brother like hang out with him?

Speaker 2 Have you heard your brother say anything? Maybe put it on like the brother, the son, something like that, you know?

Speaker 2 And and yeah i would i would bring it up to the daughter because if she if you are clocking that your daughter is uncomfortable then i think as a parent regardless of how old she is you need to do something you need to say something you know if you just want to like not be friends anymore and it's just that totally cool but like i think you have a duty to you know at the very least check in with your daughter and protect your daughter yeah Absolutely.

Speaker 2 Especially because if you're both in your 40s and she's 20, like, it doesn't matter that she's an adult. Clearly, you are clocking.
There is, she is uncomfortable. There is anxiety.

Speaker 2 There is a power imbalance. And this is a man is also married with kids.

Speaker 2 Even if it's not something like, oh, I'm actively pursuing something. He's like, oh, well, I get to go see my friend.

Speaker 2 I get to go stare at his hot daughter is what it seems like at the very least, which is weird. That's the thing.

Speaker 1 I'm with you. I think he needs to talk to her because if he is clocking it, it's weird.
Yeah. Automatically.
Like, I think a lot of stuff can fly under the radar. And

Speaker 1 I don't want to generalize too much, but I would say because of things that typically women will go through in terms of hearing comments or fearing for their safety or being, you know, followed, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 We are more aware to stuff. We have more of our head on a swivel.
We might trust our gut a little bit more on those things. So the fact that this guy is picking it up.

Speaker 2 First off, you're a good dad for clocking this, by the way, and acknowledging that your daughter's uncomfortable because I have seen a lot of instances where it's like, oh, your daughter's clearly uncomfortable and you're doing nothing.

Speaker 1 Nothing. They will even feed into it sometimes.
So the fact that he is clocking it, I think shows how bad it actually is. He might even be downplaying it in here.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And the fact that she's wearing skorts and a t-shirt, a t-shirt, and she still feels the need to put a thick jacket on and zip it up.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Clearly uncomfortable. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Clearly. And also like, how often do dads clock what their daughters are wearing? Like you clocked that enough to know that it was something that is because she was uncomfortable.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like it's hot and it's summer. You're all wearing light clothes and and you clock that you put on a jacket.
She clearly felt exposed. She felt uncomfortable.
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 You acknowledge that she was dressed fine, which is irrelevant, obviously. It doesn't matter how she was dressed.

Speaker 2 But, and then also, I'm sorry, does he have kids and he's just hanging out with you guys without his kids? Is what it sounds like.

Speaker 1 I know, it's interesting because he mentions he has two young children. Yeah.
Long-term girlfriend. I don't know if they're running around.
I don't know if it's just you.

Speaker 1 I also, like, I like that you're including your kids and kind of making this a family outing, but like, I'm surprised the daughter hasn't found an excuse to not go.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cause like, and not that that should be on her by any means, but like, I just like, I'm just, I'm mystified, I think, by the whole situation.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I think definitely talk to your daughter privately in a, I think in a public place versus like doing it at home, you know, like not like it sounds, I know that makes sounds counterintuitive, like, oh, in a private place, like at home or something like that.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But like, I think it's like, oh no, like, let's go do something fun.
Let's go get ice cream. Let's go get a coffee, you know, something like that, whatever.
Like, just the two of you.

Speaker 2 So it's it's like no pressure, no really sure.

Speaker 2 I love that. Yeah.
Cause it's like, maybe she doesn't know if you'll like be up, like, because she could tell you something that could be upsetting.

Speaker 2 You don't know if like maybe he has tried messaging her on Facebook. Oh, or has

Speaker 1 he hasn't even gone there?

Speaker 2 Contacting her privately. That's the thing that my, would be my concern.
It's like, this is what he's doing in front of you. What could he be doing when he thinks she, she won't tell you something?

Speaker 2 Yeah. And she could maybe, because she knows you, this is your friend, she may be worried to tell you something.
Oh, and then

Speaker 2 maybe just something like, you know, oh, like, I know we've been spending a lot of time with so-and-so, you know,

Speaker 2 are you okay with that? Like, how do you, how do you and your brother like him? Like, and then maybe kind of flip it as like, you would tell me of something, like, if there was something going on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I honestly, I feel like knowing him and he seems like such a good dad, I think he could have like a very serious conversation. Like, I love this coffee or ice cream.

Speaker 1 Make it feel like no pressure. But I would say, hey, like, I just want to let you know, like, I've been kind of getting a weird vibe from Dan.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm probably not going to continue my friendship with him.

Speaker 1 Do not feel that this is on you, but I've been feeling uncomfortable. You know, I've kind of noticed his behavior being a little weird.
Yeah. What are your thoughts on that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And see where she takes it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because,

Speaker 1 I mean, there have been Reddit stories where we do have the daughter start dating a dad's friend or we do have this girl who's young in her 20s date her friend's dad. We've had these stories.

Speaker 1 So we don't know if this is something she likes or if she's feeling uncomfortable and maybe just got awkward that her dad might be seeing it. Yeah.
So we don't really know.

Speaker 1 So I think, I think OP could really just be like, I'm getting weird vibes. Like, what are your thoughts?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 my father, I've noticed this and

Speaker 2 I've seen how you react. I just want to make sure you're good.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Are you okay? Do you feel safe? Yes.
I don't want you to keep going over to his house if you feel uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I don't want him in my home where you live if you feel like the last thing I want to do at your father is make you feel uncomfortable, bring someone into your space that you're not happy with.

Speaker 2 Please let me know.

Speaker 2 I think that's first and foremost, you got to talk to your daughter. I think.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this post.

Speaker 2 Trust your gut.

Speaker 1 It sounds like this guy is around for all the wrong reasons. Also, who just stares at someone like that as the whole situation seems creepy and way out of line? Definitely best.

Speaker 1 Keep your kids safe around this guy and cut off contact. At least that's what I would do.

Speaker 1 Next comment, even if you want to say it's no big deal, it looks like a big deal to your daughter and she always comes first. You know what to do.

Speaker 1 Next comment down, why not hang out with your friend without your kids? If he has no interest in that, then you would know his intentions.

Speaker 2 That is a good test because it doesn't sound like, like, it just sounds like, oh, yeah, we're back in the same area. So we started hanging out again.

Speaker 2 Like, it does seem like this is one of those, what I call circumstantial friendships. Yeah.
It's like the class, the friendships you have in school.

Speaker 2 Like, oh, it's like, oh, yes, in this period, we are best friends because our desks are right next to each other, but after graduation, we will never see each other again.

Speaker 2 You know, it's kind of like, oh, yeah, we're back in the same area, so we're friends again.

Speaker 2 If he doesn't want to just go to the gym or go get coffee with you, or like, you know, whatever throughout, like, oh, I'm going to work, you need to go do this, sure.

Speaker 2 If he's not going to do that because your daughter's not there, you know, something is going, and you know, yeah, immediately, immediately, and immediately run, yeah, immediately, yeah.

Speaker 1 We have an update.

Speaker 2 Oh, god, okay, all right, I haven't read it.

Speaker 1 Okay, I did not know it existed until I just searched.

Speaker 2 All right. Let's do it.

Speaker 1 So, this original post is 10 days old. Okay.
Getting into his comments is how I found this update. And it looks like the update is coming two days later.
So the update is eight days old. Okay.

Speaker 1 Update from my last post. I spoke to my daughter about the whole thing and wanted to know what she thought about it all because I didn't want to say anything if she didn't think it was odd.

Speaker 1 She told me that after the first time we saw him again, a few months ago, he had appeared outside of her work after she finished her shift and asked if she wanted to lift home instead of getting the bus.

Speaker 2 No, no, I'm sorry. With love, my dad's gonna hate me for saying this.

Speaker 2 My dad has this thing where if anything ever happened to me, he said I would just make sure that I wasn't in the state when it happened, Amanda.

Speaker 2 Like he would just make sure that something would happen to this person and they would not, and he would not be in the state when it did happen. This would be one of those times.

Speaker 2 If he found out that his friend was doing things like this,

Speaker 1 how does she know where she she works?

Speaker 1 How does he know when she gets done? He's been sitting out there. He's been stalking her.
How does he know she takes the bus? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I get this could have all came up very innocently during conversation after the first time.

Speaker 2 After the first time. That's what's getting me.
It's not like it's like, oh, yeah, no, we've been. You don't have a relationship.
No, no.

Speaker 1 This is stalker, crazy, scary.

Speaker 2 This is scary. This is scary.
Oh, I just don't even. Oh, my God.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 She said that since he was a good friend of mine, she's trusted him and got in the car.

Speaker 1 On the ride home, he repeatedly touched her leg and started talking about how much she's changed since he saw her last before we all met up and how much of an adult she looks like now.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 I feel sick.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I love my dad. He would hit you with a car.
He would hit this man with a car. Yeah, but he would go nuts.
My dad would, it would be a problem. It would be, oh my God.

Speaker 1 My dad, my dad really pops off.

Speaker 2 I don't know any of these people. I would do this.
If I was, if I, oh, God, if I was your co-worker, I would hit this man with my car.

Speaker 1 Like, I would, oh, my God. My dad on, and my dad's show is like very, we try to keep him like, yeah, contained.
Yeah. But he would say, this man should get his dick hit with a hammer.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He needs to be,

Speaker 2 what's that big word for

Speaker 1 castrated? Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He needs to be castrated.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, my God.
God.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.
Oh, God. There's more.

Speaker 1 Is it too late to have a trigger warning? Like, please, if you get uncomfortable with any stuff of like, I don't know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 Of me wishing harm on grown 40-year-old men who are preying on 20-year-olds. I don't care what anyone says because someone's going to harp on the fact that she's 20.
Yeah. I don't care.

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
She's 20. And the dad has made it very clear that she is uncomfortable with talking with people.
She clearly has some social anxiety.

Speaker 2 She clearly is being put in a position that she, she even says, because he is such a good friend of my dad, I I trusted him. That is how, that's how predators go after.
I'm a predator.

Speaker 1 Go ahead. If you find that any, maybe, I don't know what's in front of us.
I really don't.

Speaker 1 So if you are maybe uncomfortable with talks of borderline grooming or potential SA, please just skip to the palate cleanser now because it's not going to be good.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he told her she's growing into her body, quote, like a good girl.

Speaker 1 My daughter said that she would walk the rest of the way home because she didn't want to put him out too much, but he insisted on driving her all the way.

Speaker 1 She said she kept moving away from him, but he was leaning to touch her knees.

Speaker 1 She said that at a red light not long before the house, he gave her his mobile number and texted himself from her phone and told her to call him if she ever wanted a lift or quote anything else.

Speaker 1 Then when she got home, she went to leave the car, but he he grabbed her arm and asked her where his hug and kiss goodbye was. Not a new thing.
He gives us all a hug every time.

Speaker 1 And when she leaned in, he held her tight and whispered that she should call him.

Speaker 1 I want to vomit.

Speaker 2 Ugh. Okay, continue.
Go ahead.

Speaker 1 In the last few months, since then, he has repeatedly been sending her explicit texts and images and waiting outside of her work asking her if she would like a lift home, even though every time she said no.

Speaker 1 She said she didn't want to say anything because she didn't want to upset me, as he was the only friend I had. I feel sick thinking about this.
This is my daughter.

Speaker 1 She's 20, but she's still my little girl, and I feel like I've put her in danger.

Speaker 1 I've messaged him asking him to stop contacting my family, and I've sent him the screenshots from her phone as reasons why.

Speaker 1 But he is messaging me, asking me why when she is an adult, and the only sleazy thing he's done is cheat on his girlfriend as my daughter never physically said the words stop. She just ignored him.

Speaker 1 I'm so angry at him and myself.

Speaker 2 I'm like shaking. I

Speaker 2 okay. I'm gonna be put on a watch list.

Speaker 2 Which is I'm definitely on several times that I've made. Yeah, no.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. I

Speaker 2 I'm so angry. Send it to his girlfriend.
Send it to his ex-wife. Send all the screenshots.
Hey, this is what he was doing to my daughter.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I know, don't, I understand wanting to protect your daughter and not wanting to make it public. So, like, don't post it publicly.

Speaker 2 I know you're obviously posting about this here, but like the messages you should tell his girlfriend, you should tell his ex-wife.

Speaker 2 Uh, because the like not to say that he would do anything to his own children, but like, this is someone who is making engaging vendor behavior.

Speaker 1 I also think, depending on where he works, like, it might be justifiable to notify his work. Like, I would say, like, if this man is a high school teacher,

Speaker 1 like, yes, this is a 20-year-old.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But he's almost finding the perfect victim. That plausible deniability.

Speaker 2 That, oh, well, she never said no. She's legal.

Speaker 1 She never said no.

Speaker 2 So if it's not a yes, it's a no. Okay.
It's.

Speaker 2 And also, again, oh, I'm just saying. I'm gonna, I feel so bad for this girl because she clearly felt like she couldn't tell her dad.

Speaker 1 This is your only friend, dad. I didn't want to upset you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I thought, yeah. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Poor thing.
Oh, God. It's,

Speaker 2 oh, God. I, I'm so upset.
I'm so angry. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I know.

Speaker 2 I didn't, I

Speaker 2 uh,

Speaker 2 it's like, again,

Speaker 2 waiting outside of her work. Honestly, I think you have enough, especially if there's a pattern of behavior with these messages.

Speaker 2 I don't know if you, if she, if he, because, okay, so he could press charges, maybe. If she could press charges, she could probably get a restraining order.
I think so.

Speaker 2 Especially if she.

Speaker 1 If he continues to show up at her work, she could definitely get a restraining order.

Speaker 2 Especially because now that you're saying stay away from my daughter, I would send, I would either have her send her

Speaker 2 or something from her phone saying, please stop contacting me.

Speaker 2 And I forget the police. Fuck the police.
But like, I don't want this. You need to stop contacting me.

Speaker 2 It something needs to be in writing on her end, I think, for it to classify for a restraining order. But there's a level of intimidation happening here.

Speaker 2 And there's messages and there's photos and things like that. And it's like, oh, just ignoring him.
Yeah. Still, it doesn't matter.
There needs,

Speaker 2 I want to hit someone with the car. It's so bad.
Oh, God.

Speaker 1 So bad.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, I did not think this was going to turn out into this.

Speaker 2 Like, the original.

Speaker 1 No, the original was trending on my like for you page on Reddit. And so I'm like, okay, like, it's just going to be a good one based on the title.
And here we have like just a...

Speaker 1 abundance of cluster fuckety chaos. Yep.
So

Speaker 1 top comment on this update, send it all to his girlfriend and both of you warn him to cease and desist, or you will notify authorities. Yep.

Speaker 1 And someone else goes, It's not your fault, but you need to have a sit-down and talk through the socialization for women to be nice and how to get past that mental block.

Speaker 1 This is something a lot of us go through, and it puts us in really awful situations. Help her understand that her safety is the most important thing.

Speaker 1 She doesn't have to be nice or put up with things like this. There's probably some very eloquent people who can speak to this topic on YouTube.
It's not me.

Speaker 1 But I want to make sure she knows she doesn't doesn't have to take this shit for the rest of her life, even with the anxiety and desire to not rock any boats. Also, like, it's not me.

Speaker 2 It's their comment. No, I know.

Speaker 1 But I will say, like, everyone, I hope you're listening. Do not put yourself in situations that make you feel bad, uncomfortable.
Not even not have to appease anyone.

Speaker 2 Do not feel like you have to stay in a situation. when you are uncomfortable.
It doesn't matter if it's a date. It doesn't matter if it's a friend of a friend.

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter if it's a friend's boyfriend, your parents' friends. If you are uncomfortable, there is a reason for that.

Speaker 2 And you'd rather leave and have it be nothing later, you know, than potentially stay in a bad situation.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I would encourage this father to maybe encourage his daughter to speak to someone that's a professional.

Speaker 2 Maybe therapy, something, even just like a one or two off, you know, sessions or something, just to talk through this with someone.

Speaker 2 Like, like clearly, I'm glad that she felt comfortable with talking with him once he brought it up to her.

Speaker 2 But like, there may even be more that we don't know about that he doesn't know about, you know, with other, even maybe other people.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because this is, and that's something where I think, like, she may feel empowered just talking to a professional. That's a great, great,

Speaker 1 great comment.

Speaker 1 There is a response to that one where OP says, I've told her many times growing up that if she doesn't feel comfortable doing something, no matter what it is, then she needs to say that.

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter if it upsets someone or offends someone. All that matters is that she is safe and comfortable.
I'm hoping that she will be like this from now on.

Speaker 1 And I just hope hope that she knows I'm here for her no matter what. Also, there's an update to the post.
Thank you for your comment.

Speaker 1 So, OP does have an edit.

Speaker 1 I'm so scared.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. Okay.
I'd like to say thank you to everyone for the advice. I've also been getting a lot of mom comments.
And although I appreciate the sentiment very much, I am her dad.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, her mom passed away quite a few years ago, but I really appreciate that everyone thought I was her mom.

Speaker 1 Why did I assume dad?

Speaker 2 No, I assumed you said, he said, my daughter, male 40-something. Like, he, he said, he made it clear he was the dad.

Speaker 1 I was like, wait, did I make the wrong assumption?

Speaker 2 I think, I think, when things are discussing, like, friends, uh, friends being weird or things like that, I think it's because, like, when you're a single parent, I think the assumption for a lot of people is that it's the single mom.

Speaker 1 Interesting.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, her mom passed away quite a few years ago, but I really appreciate everyone that thought I was the mom. It really is the biggest compliment to me.
I must be doing something right.

Speaker 1 We went and spoke to our local police and they couldn't really help us as she had willingly gotten into his car.

Speaker 1 They did say that as we have spoken to him already, they could keep an open file and if it continues, then they would be able to take action.

Speaker 1 Honestly, it seems that they don't really care about it at all, which is alarming and upsetting.

Speaker 2 Unfortunately, as someone who has tried to get a restraining order against a parent specifically, it is something that is unfortunately very difficult, especially in California, I was straight up told, well, they don't have a gun.

Speaker 2 So we can't get you a restraining order. It's like they have physically tried to strangle me.
What do you mean?

Speaker 2 It's like, but because I didn't have marks, because I hadn't reported them prior to that, you'd rather have a record of something so that if it does consist, persist, you can further the report and get a restraining order.

Speaker 2 But unfortunately, yeah, obviously this is, I don't know if this is California, I don't know where this is, but you'd rather have a record of something than,

Speaker 2 okay, well, he hasn't done anything and they told me it's not worth it.

Speaker 2 You'd rather press the issue and be like, no, I want to, I want a file. I want an open file.
I want something. I want this written down.
I want it time stamped.

Speaker 2 I want a record that I came and showed you this. Yeah.
I want you to have copies of these messages. Absolutely.
Here's the address of where my daughter works.

Speaker 2 Definitely tell her work. Like, hey, if you see this man come in or be around.

Speaker 1 It's just to be walked to her car, supervised.

Speaker 2 A back exit, something. Something.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 I definitely think like if you get brushed off by the authorities, like tell them, like, I want you to note that you're brushing me off. Like, this could be my life.

Speaker 1 Like, how many women try to report a stalker or get a restraining order and end up dead? Yeah. Like, this could be my life.

Speaker 1 I want you to document this because if anything happens to me, it's on your fucking negligence.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And don't say fucking because they all immediately just tune out.

Speaker 2 But unfortunately, if you start swearing, they do get mad.

Speaker 1 Like, this is your negligence potentially costing me my life. So I want you to document that.
Yep. Keep an open file.
Like, what do you have to lose?

Speaker 1 A couple more pieces of paper? Yeah. A couple more zeros and ones on the computer.
Like, keep a file.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, my daughter's life is not worth your lunch break or whatever the fuck. You know, it's just, ugh.

Speaker 1 It's crazy.

Speaker 1 We sent the screenshots and an explanation to his girlfriend, and we've had some missed calls from him, but that's not our problem.

Speaker 1 We've blocked him on everything and have completely removed him from every social media.

Speaker 1 My daughter has spoken to her work, and they have said that until she's able to find another job, they will ensure that at least one other member of staff will wait with her for the bus.

Speaker 1 And I will be meeting her at the first stop in our town to take her directly home on days. I am not working and on days I am, then her grandparents will be picking her up.
She is safe.

Speaker 2 That's good.

Speaker 1 I also had a lot of comments suggesting I get violent with this man.

Speaker 1 Although I do appreciate that a lot of people would be choosing the other route of resolving the problem face to face. I am not like that.

Speaker 1 I'd like to say that there is no problem I can't solve that way, but that's simply not me. It doesn't make me a bad dad either.

Speaker 1 I found another way to solve the problem and make sure that my daughter is safe and comfortable. Thank you all for your help and advice.
It's nice to find some support through the internet sometimes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I think that that's the most important thing. It's like they have found a way to do it that makes his daughter feel safe.
That should always be the priority.

Speaker 2 Like as much, like the last thing that you want is, oh yeah, I am dealing with this,

Speaker 2 who I thought was my dad's friend has been being a predator towards me. And then now my dad's in jail because he hid him with his car.
That's like

Speaker 1 we don't need a good guy behind bars.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 this is why you hire someone to do it. No.

Speaker 2 No, but it's a joke. We joke about castrating.

Speaker 1 We joke about hitting with the car, the hammer, but like, this is probably the best route. Like, I don't want him behind bars or him facing repercussions for something that this, you know,

Speaker 2 there's another minor child involved as well with his son.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's got to be, you know, there. He's a single parent.
Yeah. Mom's not with us anymore.
And he's got to be there for his kids. And this is the best way to do it.
Yep.

Speaker 2 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We ended up on a really, a really banger note there.

Speaker 1 Well, you ready for the palate cleanser?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 So this was originally posted in r/slash metal detecting. Okay.
And it's titled. Of course there's a metal detecting subreddit.
I know it's so cute. It's titled, My First Find.

Speaker 1 Hey guys, I just bought my first metal detector and I went in my backyard to try it out. It beeped after five minutes of detecting and I dug up this ring around six inches deep.
I couldn't believe it.

Speaker 1 I can't tell if it's real gold or just a fake ring, but I am super happy either way. I'm just afraid that this is the first and last cool thing I will find.

Speaker 2 Ha ha.

Speaker 1 And OP does include a picture of the ring.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, that's like a full band. That's a wedding band.
That's a men's wedding band. It's very thin.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Gold wedding band has like KM engraved on the inside.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's, I think that's for silver. I think that's the silver.
Is it?

Speaker 2 If it's, if it's like a little K and M, I think that's some type of, I think that's the quality of the silver or gold, I believe. Okay.

Speaker 1 I know there's like 14K, 18K, they'll stamp on the inside for stuff.

Speaker 2 So like, wait, wait, let me show the engraving one more time. Sorry.

Speaker 1 And there's like another little symbol here, too.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, that might be the manufacturer then. Yeah.
So there's. There's definitely not like a, like, it's like, oh, it's like Curtis Fitzgerald or anything.
Like, I don't think it's that.

Speaker 2 Curtis Matthews.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it is interesting. I

Speaker 1 would assume it's from a manufacturer. Yeah.
But we do find out.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. So.
Sorry, Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. No, I like the excitement.
Okay. So the comment that's at the top of this one,

Speaker 1 weird way of saying that.

Speaker 2 Sorry, guys.

Speaker 1 It looks like my dad's wedding ring. Married in 1950, U.S., 14 karat gold.
I bet it's real. Congratulations.

Speaker 1 OP responds, even though I would absolutely be fine with it if it's fake, I have my hopes up for it being real. It would just make it a lot cooler.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get it checked out tomorrow and will post as soon as I get home. Someone goes, update me.

Speaker 1 OP responds, responds, I've been to the jeweler today to get the ring checked out, and you were right. It is indeed real gold.

Speaker 1 It's worth around 200 pounds, but, or Euros, but I'm not going to sell it. Since I found it in my backyard, there's a fair chance that my landlord lost it there years ago.

Speaker 1 I'm going to contact her and ask if she lost it. I hope it's hers.
I bet you'd be happy to get it back.

Speaker 2 This is so cute already. I'm already excited.
No, it's like I love. Is there our treasure hunting? I know we're on our metal detecting.
detecting. Yeah.
There is.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm going to spend a lot of time there because now I've been really into treasure hunting lately. I love

Speaker 2 it.

Speaker 1 I love all the pirate movies or like even the more like recent ones with Matthew McConaughey, like Fool's Gold. Yes.
I would love to go on a little treasure hunt, right?

Speaker 1 Like the, what is the stat that there's like

Speaker 1 how many billions of dollars lost to the ocean in gold and like yeah treasure?

Speaker 2 Yeah, fully debris fields out there and all that. And it's like, even like in California, they estimated that what, only 10% of California's gold was mined during the gold rush.
That's it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like very little.

Speaker 2 Because they could only go through what was on top of the sediment and all that.

Speaker 1 Why are we not out there panning right now?

Speaker 2 Well, some people are. Like, there is still people hunting for gold.
That's why there's like gold hunters or whatever the shows are called on a

Speaker 1 discovery channel about that little town.

Speaker 1 I think it's in Alaska. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, there's, there's a, I don't know what it's called. There are a couple of places where it's like, oh, yeah, no, there are people that can go get rich.

Speaker 2 There's from Panning for gold, there's, I think it's one of like the mountain countries or mountain towns in various

Speaker 2 in

Speaker 2 Europe, I want to say, where it's like people just move there to pan for gold and like mine for gold up there. And it's like,

Speaker 2 it's, it's crazy because I think there's like a lot of trash and stuff there because there's no like actual infrastructure that's like Everest.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's like people come in and don't take their trash with them.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. So, but it's like they just move there and everything costs a lot of money, but everything is just looking for gold.

Speaker 1 That's the whole thing there. And I get it's probably really labor-intensive, but like to just go out and find a nugget, like and then have someone smelt it into a ring.

Speaker 1 Like, I want to go on a gold mining vacation. Yep.
I'm going to look into that.

Speaker 2 See, I'm from California. So, like, when I was in fourth grade, we went to, God, what was it called? Not Outdoor Ed.
That was like fifth grade.

Speaker 2 But there was a time where we literally went and went mining for gold in like Sacramento and all this stuff. Like, we just, that's what we did.
I was like, it's on my list.

Speaker 1 I'm going now. Yep.

Speaker 1 So, update. So, about 20 days ago, I bought my first metal detector and tried it out in my backyard.
After some time I got a strong signal from the detector and dug up a gold ring.

Speaker 1 It was quite deep underground, about 10 or 12 inches, I'd guess.

Speaker 1 At first I wasn't sure if it was real gold so I went to the jeweler to get it checked out and it turned out that it was indeed real gold. It also had two letters KM engraved in it.

Speaker 1 At first I thought those were initials from the person who made the ring but I was wrong as they told me.

Speaker 1 I figured that the ring was probably lost a long time ago since it was buried so deep underground.

Speaker 1 My idea was that my landlord's wife could have lost the ring when they used to live there 13 years ago.

Speaker 1 I tried calling my landlord several times, but they didn't answer right away because they had been on vacation.

Speaker 1 After 20 long days and waiting for them to return, they finally called me today and I asked them to come over. We had some coffee and I told them about my new hobby, metal detecting.

Speaker 1 I asked if they had lost jewelry in their yard when they used to live here, and my landlord's wife immediately said yes.

Speaker 1 She lost her gold wedding ring when she was pregnant with their first child 18 years ago and were in the process of moving into a bigger home. 18 fucking years, man.

Speaker 1 I handed her the ring and she could not believe her eyes. She was incredibly thankful and happy.
She never thought she would see it again. And KM are her own initials.

Speaker 1 To see their surprised faces and how happy the ring made them absolutely made my day. It was awesome.
Here's another pic of the ring.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh. I'm gonna to be honest.
When he said I told him about my new hobby, I was like, oh, you're going to get evicted.

Speaker 1 You know, that is literally.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah, that looks more, I can see it because it's like, it's the,

Speaker 2 I mean, I guess it kind of, it could be the angle, but it looks like it's like thicker on one side and thinner on the other, which would make more sense.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it does give like more masculine of a ring. I wouldn't have assumed like it was the wife's ring because it is like a just a standard really thick gold band.

Speaker 2 But they're saying it's pounds, right? Or Euros for the money.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 200.

Speaker 2 So, I mean, I don't know what what

Speaker 2 European like wedding bands. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 I found out,

Speaker 1 I witnessed a proposal when I was in Paris and like recorded it and went up to him after and like was like checking out the ring. She was

Speaker 1 so cute and so excited. And I learned that they do the opposite hands.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, right hand.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, I literally was like, girl, did he put it on the wrong hand? And she was no, no, no.

Speaker 2 And I was like, oh my God, okay, okay. It was so cute.

Speaker 1 But yeah, it could be like just a thing.

Speaker 2 And older couples too.

Speaker 1 Like, my, I actually have my great grandma's wedding band and she got married like basically during the Great Depression. And so it's the tiniest, thinnest little band.

Speaker 1 Like, I actually have to go get it like

Speaker 1 welded, soldered to like another band because it's so fragile.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 really, really cute though. So, what a good deed, too.

Speaker 2 Because he didn't have to share. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There is hope out there. There is hope.

Speaker 2 That's so nice, though. And And then, yeah, but he's right.
He's like, I'm worried I'm never going to find something this cool again. You may never experience this.

Speaker 2 No, that's always, that's the thing with like my job too. It's, it's not that this is his job, but I mean, it could be, you could be a professional finder now.
Um, I could see it.

Speaker 2 It's like sometimes I do really cool things, but then it's like, there's always that one thing where it's like, oh, am I ever going to outlive this cool thing that I've done?

Speaker 2 Like, am I ever going to get the chance to do something this cool again?

Speaker 2 Constantly. I know.

Speaker 1 I feel like it happens. Because, like, if I would have put myself back like in my 16-year-old shoes, I never thought I'd be doing this.

Speaker 1 And like the coolest thing that happened to me then was like getting on stage with Justin Bieber as like the one less lonely girl.

Speaker 2 And like I would rank insane.

Speaker 1 It was wild. Like 16, flew to Kentucky, so random.
But like I would rank this.

Speaker 1 like being able to have a show and like it reaches people and it has a community like i'm like this is way fucking cooler like this is so this is amazing so it does like i think you do like just keep

Speaker 2 yeah but my current one is that I got to be inside a world championship winning Formula One car.

Speaker 1 Like, I, I, nope.

Speaker 2 I don't know if I'm able to be able to top that. I'm going to have to become a mermaid.
I'm going to have to become a Formula One driver. Like, I have to, to top that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that I don't think you can. I don't know if you can top that.

Speaker 2 Like, I was in Lewis Hamilton's car. Sorry.
Hi.

Speaker 2 Like, it's literally, it's literally my phone background because I'm never going to be able to top this. Like, I, every time.
Oh, no. I don't.
No, you can't. I can't take back everything.

Speaker 2 I have to become a treasure hunter. I have to.
I have to find, you know, Atlantis.

Speaker 2 I have to do something.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I think we've learned that Amanda is like the coolest person out there.

Speaker 1 Where can people find you and listen to your show?

Speaker 2 You can find me on YouTube and TikTok at Swell Entertainment. You can find me everywhere else at Love YouTubeGolka on Instagram, Twitter.
I refuse to call it X, the like.

Speaker 2 I also stream on Twitch, also under Swallow Entertainment. And yeah, I'm just kind of all over the place.
I do a variety of content on commentary and reviews of products, media, and events.

Speaker 2 And I have motorsport brain rot. So on Twitch, that's usually what I'm talking about is various F1 and motorsport related things.

Speaker 1 I know we need to talk cars after this.

Speaker 2 I'm such a little car junkie too.

Speaker 1 I love this. I will be sure to link all of Amanda's channels, especially the YouTube, you guys.
It's such an easy clickover. And the video on overconsumption, I'm telling you, like...

Speaker 1 It is a little bit life-changing for me, but there's so many other amazing videos on her channel. So be sure to check them out.
Thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I'm hoping I didn't didn't like traumatize you too much because today was a lot.

Speaker 2 It was a lot. But you know,

Speaker 2 it's okay. It's also like in 2024, it feels like every day is a lot.
So this is, at least we got to like, we're kind of removed from these things that we talked about at least. So there's that.

Speaker 1 I know. Everyone can feel a little bit.
less anxiety that this is not happening for you. And if you are going through something similar, just know you deserve better

Speaker 1 and start making your way out of the situations because there is happy, good people that will want to and will if they want to, whatever that thing is. If he wants to, he will.

Speaker 1 Like every one of these.

Speaker 2 Oh, if he wanted to, he will.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm like, you deserve love and happiness and safe, healthy relationships and good family members and just.

Speaker 2 Let's all find that. Yes.

Speaker 1 2024 is, we're halfway through the year. Start 2025 on a good foot.

Speaker 2 And see, I felt thinking about that as well, too, about like, oh, we're halfway through the year, like a year's awash. We're over halfway through the year.
I know. We're in August.
Oh, my God. I know.

Speaker 2 But I've been thinking about it more as like, okay, how different could my life be by December?

Speaker 1 That's what I mean.

Speaker 2 Versus like the year's almost done. It's like, how much can I, I could change.
So much could change by December.

Speaker 1 So, so much can change. I, I just did

Speaker 1 an episode for my dad's show, and we, we do like all like dad advice, listener write-ins.

Speaker 1 And we had someone that like updated us, and she was like, I listened to the show, and because of it, I was able to get out of a bad relationship and I just moved across the country.

Speaker 1 I'm now in LA and I'm starting my modeling career.

Speaker 1 Like, oh my gosh. The change you can make for yourself in such a short amount of time.
Yeah. It's incredible.
Like, it's incredible. And everyone deserves that.

Speaker 1 Like, you don't deserve to feel bad every day.

Speaker 1 Like, you deserve love and happiness.

Speaker 2 And you deserve to have a partner that's an actual partner and not a burden.

Speaker 1 And if you want to get in a Formula One car, get it in a Formula One car.

Speaker 2 You deserve all the good things. Treasure hunting, metal metal detector, treasure hunting, panning for gold.

Speaker 2 Yeah, next time I'm on the show, I better hear updates about everyone and their treasure hunting journey. Let's go.

Speaker 1 We should have a gold or we could do a metal detector meetup in the beach.

Speaker 2 We could do a metal detector meetup.

Speaker 1 Honestly, follow me around.

Speaker 2 You'll find jewelry eventually. Like the amount of jewelry I've lost, necklace broke in Trader Joe's.

Speaker 1 If someone wants to find my necklace, it's a panda coin. My mom got it as a push present.
1994 panda coin, some tiny little ass diamonds around it.

Speaker 1 It fell off my neck somewhere, probably in the Trader Joe's, the Trader Joe's on 3rd Street and La Brea.

Speaker 1 Anyone works there? You want to go let me go under shelves? I will see you there. But if anyone finds it,

Speaker 1 it's out there floating in the universe.

Speaker 2 I lost a locket at the Pentagon. Oh,

Speaker 2 the Pentagon? What the fuck am I saying? I was in the eighth grade. It was for my eighth grade trip.
We went to like Washington, D.C., and like New York and all this stuff.

Speaker 2 And we went to the 9-11 memorial at the Pentagon. And I got back to the bus, and I realized I lost my silver heart locket.
So, somewhere in the memorial. Is there a picture in it?

Speaker 1 How do people know if it's going to be yours?

Speaker 2 Put it out there. Panifest.

Speaker 1 I don't think there's a picture in it.

Speaker 2 This is just a logic. Again, I'm 26.

Speaker 1 Never say never.

Speaker 2 18 years ago.

Speaker 2 It was probably my dog. So it was probably a Priscilla and Princess.
So a Shelty and a Schnauzer.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Look at you.

Speaker 2 A little little schnauzer queen no i know that's why when i got hermes i was like okay i know i'm i'm familiar with schnauzers like this is why i want hermes and then i forgot oh no they're they're fire alarm barkers they bark like he barks like a fire alarm it's insane i need to hear i'll never i'll never get robbed he just barks like an insane person it's an it's crazy oh my god it's like a high-pitched squeal in the back of it so it's like it's so loud it's crazy it's insane yeah well thank you so much for coming on thank you guys absolutely blast i like how we did the outro and then we just kept you i know i'm like yap was activated Yap was activated.

Speaker 2 Okay, thank you. Bye, guys.
As I whack the mic.