182: Need a Minute to Decompress..

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Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Kraft Mac and Cheese. Kraft mac and cheese is the best thing ever.
It's even better than a juicy dating story.

Speaker 1 Kraft mac and cheese will fill you with joy and giddiness without any of the secondhand anxiety because while Kraft Mac and Cheese is definitely cheesy, it's never cringe.

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Speaker 1 My eyes are watering because I'm uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 What does that mean?

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's something that has happened ever since I was a kid.
Your eyes water when you're uncomfortable? When I'm nervous. Wow.
Yeah. I was always really worried when I would do,

Speaker 1 what do you call it?

Speaker 1 Any type of classroom presentation.

Speaker 1 Literally, what do you call it? Gives me no context clues.

Speaker 1 Because I would always worry that I would start just like full-on sobbing up there. Yeah.
And it wouldn't be sobbing. It would just be tears just rolling because it's not a sad cry.

Speaker 1 It's just like, it's like as if my eyes just all of a sudden dry out. And I'm like, dude, that's crazy.
I know. I don't know if that happens to anyone else.

Speaker 1 I haven't heard of that, but I'm sure somebody else experienced it. Oh, someone for sure.
I'm honestly, that's one thing with me too. Like, I hate public speaking.

Speaker 1 And it's amazing that we can do live shows. Yeah.
And not just do live shows, but have so much

Speaker 1 fun.

Speaker 1 And like, oh, it's just it's so cool I'm like ready to go back on tour yeah I'm ready for it well I'm a ball of nerves until we start talking to people and then it feels family yeah it feels really good I love it I'm ready to go back on tour who's gonna be seeing us out there are you coming you coming I'm really excited we're going to new cities a lot of new cities some repeats Seattle I'm looking at you Phoenix, Tempe, I'm looking at you.

Speaker 1 They popped off last time, so we're going to be in one. I can't wait.
It's going to be good, but we're also going to be in one today's episode.

Speaker 1 It's only taken us like three hours to get here to the studio, even though it's like five minutes down the street from my house. We had horses and kitties to hang out with.
There's a lot going on.

Speaker 1 So much going on. Oh,

Speaker 1 but here we are. Today's theme, my folder that I've had it in.
It's like, I need a minute to decompress. I'm like, hold on.
Just need a minute. There's stories that you read read and you're like,

Speaker 1 did I hear that right? Did I read that right? How is this person even typing this? Because I'm stressed and anxious and sad for them. I can't even imagine.
So I just, I need a minute to decompress.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Is the vibe we're doing? Okay.
So I feel like it's going to be one similar to my reaction to that girl who said she needed to break up with her boyfriend when her brother comes home.

Speaker 1 Remember, like, I was so

Speaker 1 bad because I kept interrupting you, but I was like, am I,

Speaker 1 am I missing something?

Speaker 1 It was, that was weird. That was really weird.
It was. We've got weird ones.
I know.

Speaker 1 I want to hear what people think is like the weirdest we've ever had. That's another theme I'm working on right now.
I just started it today, but it is called Simply So Weird.

Speaker 1 It's just like...

Speaker 1 It's just like stories that you just like, you just sit there and you're just kind of like, well, that was weird.

Speaker 1 there's some weird ones love this love this for us it's been life is wild right now life is wild we've been talking about this a lot today yeah i don't know what it is it just feels like there's something in the air and like everyone's gonna be listening to the beginning of this episode and like are you guys okay

Speaker 1 because we're just like so i feel like my brain

Speaker 1 One, I had way too much coffee today. Yeah, I think that's what happened to us both today.
We can't have too much coffee.

Speaker 1 And sometimes it hits us perfectly, and sometimes it doesn't. And so, I feel like we both were just like

Speaker 1 in not a good way. No, Lauren got to my house, and she was so anxious from her coffee.
She had to go take a walk outside. It's like 100 degrees.

Speaker 1 It's 100 degrees, and I'm like, you're choosing to be outside right now. Like, I'm like, what? Sweating in the only clothes that I have for the night.
Just

Speaker 1 it's crazy. It's crazy.
But okay, let's get into these stories. Are you ready? Yep.
Let's dive in. Let's do it.

Speaker 1 My eyes actually, not just from being awkward, but my eyes are also watering because of the sunscreen. I got my eyes earlier today.
I got sunscreen. I think that's the real culprit.
That is.

Speaker 1 That's actually what it is. And that is exactly the way that I would put it when I would get nervous with school presentations when I was younger.
Is it feels like I got sunscreen in my eyes?

Speaker 1 It's not like I'm sad and want to cry. It's like

Speaker 1 it's just genuinely, yeah, something's going on. Don't know what to tell you.
Do you want to hit it where it hurts right off the bat? Or do you want like a little bit of a warm-up?

Speaker 1 And don't think about what the people want. What does Lauren need?

Speaker 1 I want to hit it where it hurts. Okay.

Speaker 1 This one is coming from True Off My Chest. It is titled, My ex Got Revenge on Me in the Worst Way Possible, and I have No Way to Clear My Name.

Speaker 1 I don't like this already. Last year, I cheated on my ex-girlfriend of eight years, Annie, with a colleague, Jess, who I now have a three-week-old son with.
I have no excuse.

Speaker 1 It cost me my job and the majority of my friendships, along with the love of a good woman. I deserved it all, and I have never expected any sympathy for my actions.

Speaker 1 Annie delivered my stuff to my parents' house before I even knew she knew about the cheating. She didn't even confront me.
She just cut me out of her life without a word.

Speaker 1 I messaged everyone we knew, begging them to ask her to talk to me, and I sent hundreds of messages telling her how much I regretted everything and wanted her back. I never got a response.

Speaker 1 Jess saw the messages and it obviously caused issues between us in the beginning, but she fell pregnant quickly, so we moved past it for the sake of our family together, which we both wanted. Whoa,

Speaker 1 I didn't see that coming. I am 100% committed to the relationship and haven't even looked at another woman since things settled down.

Speaker 1 In the final stretch of Jess's pregnancy, about a month ago, I saw Annie in a shop for the first time since the breakup.

Speaker 1 She was pretty cold towards me, but said that a few months ago, she found a keychain my granddad got me when I was very young.

Speaker 1 It's not valuable, but she knows it means a lot to me, and she said I could come collect it the following Saturday morning.

Speaker 1 I explained that was six days after Jess was due to give birth, so I'd probably need to be home. But she just said I could either get it on Saturday Saturday or it was going in the bin.

Speaker 1 So I agreed to a time to go over to her place. My son was born a few days late, but he's perfectly healthy and wonderful.

Speaker 1 So he was less than 24 hours old on the Saturday that I needed to collect the keychain.

Speaker 1 I planned to pop in on the way to the hospital, but when I got to my old house, Annie invited me in to talk about how things ended between us.

Speaker 1 I thought we had a good conversation and that both of us walked away with closure. She let me apologize for the way I treated her, wished me the best with my new family, and hugged me as I left.

Speaker 1 I admit I held on tightly for the hug, but it was purely because of the relief, not lingering feelings. I spent less than an hour at her house, then headed to the hospital.

Speaker 1 I didn't tell Jess about any of this because I know she still feels insecure about Annie, and I didn't want to add fuel to it.

Speaker 1 When I arrived at the hospital after seeing Annie, Jess had revoked my access, and the ward manager wouldn't tell me why.

Speaker 1 I ended up being removed by a security guard because I was denied seeing my son for the second time ever, and I didn't respond well to being blindsided.

Speaker 1 I tried calling Jess and her mom over and over, and the only response I got was a screen recording of a message from Annie.

Speaker 1 It was doorbell footage of me walking through the door at 9:30, then back out just after 10:15. And the hug is only partly caught, so it does look like we could have been kissing.

Speaker 1 The message Annie sent with it said, quote, did he even shower and change his clothes between fucking me and holding his son? Congratulations on being stuck with him for the next 18 years.

Speaker 1 I hope it's everything you dreamed of. Oh, this is diabolical.
Wow.

Speaker 1 No one believes this is a setup at all. It's something I never would have expected from Annie and no one else would either.
So they're completely rejecting the idea that this is a lie.

Speaker 1 I sent her a message asking why she did this, assuming that I would still be blocked.

Speaker 1 Her response was that she wasn't going to let me play innocent and that I may have deleted all of our messages over the past few months, but she hasn't.

Speaker 1 Obviously, there are no messages, but she blocked me again straight after, so I have nothing at all to exonerate myself with. Oh

Speaker 1 my

Speaker 1 wow. She waited in silence for almost a year, then took the most cruel and vindictive revenge she possibly could.

Speaker 1 I have met my son once, minutes after he was born, and now Jess is refusing any contact with me and won't let me see him. Court will take months, and my heart hurts every minute of every day.

Speaker 1 I know what I did to Annie was horrible, but I don't deserve this. I have no one to talk to about it because not even my own mother believes me.

Speaker 1 Her only question was why I ruined my life with a baby when Annie was willing to reconcile. And that's about the most supportive thing she said to me since I was dumped.

Speaker 1 The few friends who stuck with me are assuming the worst, too. And it's killing me that not a single person I know sees this for what it is.
Everything is ruined. Wow.

Speaker 1 This is absolutely wild. How long do you think she had this plan for? I'm not trying to

Speaker 1 say I think this or not, but is it possible that OP went and wrote this so that his ex would see it and believe him.

Speaker 1 There are a lot of scenarios that were playing out of my head, and that is one of them. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because how often do things go viral now?

Speaker 1 That's why a lot of you guys are here. And if this was like on her TikTok and it comes up and it's like, oh my God, he was telling the truth.
Right.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, it's a post that he wrote to garner sympathy. Yeah.
And hopefully have his baby mama, girlfriend, whatever, see it

Speaker 1 and come back. I could see it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't put it past him because it's like

Speaker 1 45 minutes.

Speaker 1 I get it. It's nice to get closure when you can, but at the same time, to not tell your girlfriend, to not be like, hey, Annie reached out.
I just want you to know she found a keychain.

Speaker 1 My grandpa got it for me. It's got a lot of meaning.
I'm going to stop by and get it. Yeah.
If he would have told her beforehand, there wouldn't be this fire. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 And the hard part is too, though, is that

Speaker 1 when, like, if my partner was very pregnant and I would still want to be completely honest, but like, if this happened when they're right about to give birth and you either have one chance to get something that means a lot to you or not, maybe they plan to tell after.

Speaker 1 That's true, too. Like after the birth was happened and everything settled, so that

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because I guess, but at the same time,

Speaker 1 he knew like a week because he was like, well, that's six days after she'll give birth. Like he kind of knew well in advance, actually.

Speaker 1 About a month ago, I saw Annie in a shop. She was cold towards me, but then said I could come over and collect it the following Saturday morning.
So, oh, a month ago, because he's writing in now.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he had like a week to tell her. And then was like, oh, well, that's six days after she'll give birth.
But it like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I do think he maybe was thinking that, but I think he just didn't want to stir the pot because she was the other woman. Yeah.
He tried to get back with his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 The other woman saw the messages and had been serious about it. Yeah.
Yeah. Which I would.
Totally. I mean, you weren't his first choice.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was very clearly written out when he was begging his ex back. Right.
You're not the first choice. Right.
You're the consolation.

Speaker 1 I was surprised when he said we very much want to have a family together because I thought that where did that come from?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I thought he was like moving on from the person he cheated with and was trying to get his ex back. I didn't realize that he was.

Speaker 1 I know. Yeah.
So that kind of shocked me. So I'm not surprised at all that

Speaker 1 OP's new partner feels really insecure about this entire situation. But it's like, but still, that's something that I'm always going to say that you should be like forthcoming with stuff like that.

Speaker 1 Always. It's so much better.
Yeah. So, I mean, OP messed up in that aspect.
But if this is true, this whole story, like, that is pretty, that's pretty wild. Like, that's.

Speaker 1 Do you feel like it's karma, though, in any way? Or do you feel like that revenge is too diabolical, given how many other people are involved now? I,

Speaker 1 yeah, I, exactly. I think it's too far.
And, like, there's a part of me that's just kind of like, whatever.

Speaker 1 But the fact that there's a child involved, that's what makes me feel like it's just, it's too much. Well, now you have this new mom who's dealing with a new baby without on her own.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And, you know, her mom was obviously there, so it sounds like she has support.

Speaker 1 But to not have a partner, like you had a partner and now, like, this is all coming out. And

Speaker 1 but it does feel like a little too far. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I get it. Annie's hurt, but also, Annie, like, you, you won by not having this dude.

Speaker 1 Like, you don't want to be with someone who after eight years cheats on you and then gets this other woman pregnant right away. Like, that's not who you want for

Speaker 1 yourself. The fact that it's been a year, too, like, and that she's plotting this revenge, it's just kind of like, go talk to somebody because, like, let that's just,

Speaker 1 you're just hurting yourself at that point. Like, that's,

Speaker 1 I don't know if she actually can feel really good about that. Like, does that make her feel like she won? I mean, maybe that makes her feel that way, but I can't imagine that.

Speaker 1 I just, I know you wonder, and it's like, did she actually plan this for a year? Or did this come to mind when

Speaker 1 she ran into him a month ago? Yeah. I am confused about a couple comments, though.
I have no one to talk to you about it because not even my own mother believes me.

Speaker 1 Her only question was why I ruined my life with a baby when Annie was willing to reconcile. Yeah, that confuses me too.
I didn't realize when was Annie willing to reconcile.

Speaker 1 So I feel like OP is kind of being deceptive because it's like, I sent her hundreds of messages. She moved out.
She didn't even tell me she knew I was cheating. And then she stopped talking to me.

Speaker 1 Where did she want to reconcile? Right.

Speaker 1 Or did she try to reconcile actually after all those messages? And then she found out that Jess was pregnant. Yeah.
So you kind of burned her twice. Right.

Speaker 1 I, I also, even when you were saying this story, I'm thinking like, even if this is really important to you, and I do understand not ever having a conversation and wanting to have some type of closure or reconcile or with somebody who you cared about that you know that you did wrong.

Speaker 1 Like, I understand that aspect, but I just think that the fact that your child was just born and that you spent and you decided to go inside, that to me, it doesn't feel right.

Speaker 1 Like even if he didn't hook up with his ex, it's like, just don't go inside, get the keychain and say, thank you so much. I have stuff I need to do.

Speaker 1 My baby was just born, but I would love if you'd give me the chance to have a conversation with you to let you know how sorry that I am. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, I think it's, that's just the admirable thing to do is to be like, this this conversation needs to happen later. And then so true.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then, and then, and then talk to your partner about it and be like, hey, like, and see how your partner feels.

Speaker 1 And at the end of the day, if your partner doesn't feel comfortable with it, like, that's your priority. You have a family with that partner now.
So, like, yeah,

Speaker 1 you're so right.

Speaker 1 You're so right. I'm literally sitting here.
And now that you mentioned that, it's like, this is literally the second time you're going to see your kid

Speaker 1 and you would rather connect with your ex. Yeah.

Speaker 1 For what? Exactly. And for he said 45 minutes or whatever it was, an hour.
It's just like, I wouldn't be okay with that, even if even if they didn't have any sexual interaction.

Speaker 1 Like that would make me feel if I was the one who just had the baby, like that would make me feel really deceived. I'd have, I would have a problem with that in general.

Speaker 1 So I understand like wanting closure. I understand wanting like your the thing that from your grandpa that means a lot to you, but still, it just, it wasn't done correctly.
No.

Speaker 1 And oh, God, you're just you're so on the nose with it because literally the baby's umbilical card is still wet and 45 minutes is so long.

Speaker 1 All it could have been is like, hey, I just want to apologize. We're both moving on.
You deserve better. Thank you for getting this back to me.
Bye. Right.
That's not 45 minutes. That's 15.
Right.

Speaker 1 Maybe. And like, and no, I shouldn't come in.
Thank you so much for inviting me in, but I really, I got to run and get back to my brand new baby.

Speaker 1 That's so true Because if he would have just stayed on the steps,

Speaker 1 there would have been no footage of him going in. Yeah, you would have the footage of him, if it has a microphone saying, I'm gonna man up and I have to go take care of responsibilities to,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 So that is where I kind of circle back to, did he write this with the intention of getting people to believe him? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hard to know. Ever since we got faked out with that, what was it, that PlayStation girl? Now, now I question all the PlayStation.

Speaker 1 It's like something that like that woman wrote in and she was just like the Chris or the birthday gift.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she was like, everyone made fun of me and then and said I was a dinosaur and Nintendo Switches. Something like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then the daughter found it.
And she was like, this is the real story. So now I question these more often than I used to.
Have you seen the dress drama on TikTok?

Speaker 1 I don't think so. For

Speaker 1 this girl named Ray. No, I just saw a video today and I didn't listen to the whole thing because I got on messy TikTok and I need to stop.
I need need to get back to my animal TikTok.

Speaker 1 Put me on animal TikTok. Put me there.
But I did actually come across that. I didn't see the one where the girl made the GoFundMe, but I just saw the one who she was responding to.

Speaker 1 She's like, I was busy getting married, but like now I have a chance to talk about this. Yeah, that was the Rayleigh girl.
So essentially, this girl had this designer make her wedding dress.

Speaker 1 It was like a $6,000 something dollar dress. It wasn't done on August 10th when it was supposed to be done per their contract, which was like, I think like months and months to.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so she didn't get the dress until two days before her wedding. And it was completely just like the worst quality, didn't fit her right.
Terrible. All this stuff.

Speaker 1 The designer, who I saw her video first, started posting these videos. Rayleigh stole this dress.
She hasn't paid me for it. Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, then you get Rayleigh's side, and she was like, Here's the receipt where I paid her 60% of the dress, 3,000, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever it is.

Speaker 1 I didn't even prove the dress. It wasn't done upon my final fitting.
She canceled other fittings on August 10th. She said she's like done.
She flew out to Miami or something multiple times.

Speaker 1 And then one time she like completely canceled on her. So she flew there for nothing.

Speaker 1 And then she was like, I didn't get this dress until two days before my wedding. At that point, I didn't even know if I was going to have a dress.
I had to go get a new one.

Speaker 1 And the dress she wore was beautiful. But it's so important to like hear both sides.
Yeah, like because that other woman, the dressmaker, started to go fund me. She raised like 12 grand.
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 I didn't, and the Rayleigh girl only owed her three. I didn't look back at that.
What was what'd she say? She just said this girl screwed me, or like, what was her?

Speaker 1 She said she stole the dress, she's not paying for it. Got it.
It's like,

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 So it's a mess, a mess, but two sides to every story.

Speaker 1 Top comment,

Speaker 1 top comment on this one. Of course, Jess believes her.
Due to that, she and you are both cheaters, and she accidentally got pregnant right after you dumped your eight-year girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Jess wanted to make sure you didn't go back with Annie. I'm sure Jess is looking at you and saying, How I got him is how I lost him.

Speaker 1 Don't worry, Jess will come back as she was good hooking up with a taken guy and doesn't want to pay for everything. Oh,

Speaker 1 Annie, is that

Speaker 1 you, girl?

Speaker 1 Next comment: Down, bingo. Nah, you should blame that dude more.
Jess is a piece of shit, but he's so stupid. His son needs better parents than these people.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Here is a comment with 10K upvotes.

Speaker 1 The fact that you withheld the information because of what you perceived as her insecurities was really your insecurities with a painful truth you kept from your wife.

Speaker 1 Girlfriend, though? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Had you been honest about why you were going in the first place and had someone go with you, she may have been mad, but she'd have no reason to be insecure about Annie.

Speaker 1 You walked into a trap of your own creation. Yeah.
Sorry. Honesty is the best policy.

Speaker 1 Someone after that goes, as a gifted Reddit Word Smith once wrote, quote, the dildo of consequences rarely come lubed.

Speaker 1 You walked into a trap of your own creation. O.P.
literally willingly dropped his pants. Oh my God.
I'm not reading the rest of that. That's really, I don't like it.
Wait, who? I want to hear.

Speaker 1 Can you just cut it? I want to know. OP literally willingly dropped his pants, bent over, and spread wide open.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 I was trying to save you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There is a comment that OP responded to before deleting his account. Someone goes, Annie ate with this revenge, I fear.

Speaker 1 It had 10.6K of votes. And OP goes, not really.

Speaker 1 She's taken a stable family away from a newborn and left him without a father and put an insane amount of stress on an immediately postpartum woman who is also a first-time mother. This is pure evil.

Speaker 1 That was OP.

Speaker 1 Did anyone like respond to that?

Speaker 1 Not anything of like substance. There's another comment OP responds to.
How did you not see this coming? I knew where this was coming the moment she invited you in.

Speaker 1 Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I thought they, when she invited him in, I thought they he was going to say, I accidentally hooked up with her.
Like, like, like I did.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like I didn't mean to, but I accidentally did. That's why, I think that's part of the reason why I questioned the stories because that's my, my head went there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 OP responds, how the fuck would you ever see that coming?

Speaker 1 What I saw, which is what any reasonable person would see, was a much needed opportunity for two people who ended a very long relationship on horrible terms to get some closure and move forward with their lives.

Speaker 1 Someone comments under correction, OP ended the relationship due to his cheating.

Speaker 1 So they don't believe him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Crazy.

Speaker 1 Crazy, crazy, crazy. Yeah, I think

Speaker 1 everyone's against OP. I still think, though, like, I still worry about the newborn and the situation.
I do too. So I don't, I mean,

Speaker 1 I'm not like trying to defend OP, but like, I do think that this was a revenge plot that was kind of a little above my pay grade. It's wild.
Like

Speaker 1 it is very diabolical.

Speaker 1 And obviously there's a lot of context about Annie and his relationship that like we're missing. Were they engaged? Like they were together for eight years.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That is a huge chunk of your life to give to someone to only have them stab you in the back like that with cheating. Right.

Speaker 1 I can't even imagine too, like finding out even after dating somebody for like one month or a couple of, or sorry, not one month, one year or a couple of months, it's like, I can't even imagine breaking up and then them having it, getting someone pregnant like a few months later.

Speaker 1 That in itself would be

Speaker 1 so hurtful to me.

Speaker 1 I mean, obviously accidents happen, but it would be just so hard for me like after dating someone for a year and then like all of a sudden they

Speaker 1 are pregnant with somebody else. Like,

Speaker 1 so I don't know, I'm sure she was going through a lot. Uh, she went nuclear, yes, she went nuclear.
She went nuclear. That's a hard word for me to say.
Nuclear,

Speaker 1 nuclear,

Speaker 1 you know, what word I found out I'm also saying wrong the other day? What

Speaker 1 ha, you know, the

Speaker 1 you know the word ha,

Speaker 1 what was that? Not I can say that. Uh, I want you to say it to see how you say it.
Okay, you know, the word that is abbreviated ETC dot,

Speaker 1 etc.

Speaker 1 How did you say it? Et cetera. Am I saying it wrong too? One more time.
Etc. You're saying it wrong.
Classic. Why do we get the same words wrong? It's etc.

Speaker 1 There's no C. Etc.

Speaker 1 Etc. Etc.

Speaker 1 That sounds like you're missing something. I know.
I say et cetera. Etc.

Speaker 1 Nope.

Speaker 1 I nope. Nope.
I don't accept that one. Sorry.
Etc. Etc.

Speaker 1 Et cetera. Fuck.
Et, whatever. Anyway, thanks for pointing that out, whoever commented.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Ollie. You know what shouldn't be a hot take? Wanting great sex and a healthy hoo-ha.
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This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along.

Speaker 1 This next one is coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit, 16 days old, titled, My Friend's Fiance is Testing Her, and I Don't Know If/slash How I Should Tell Her.

Speaker 1 Hi all, this is an odd story, and I need to know if I should speak up or mind my own business. My friend, 27 female, is engaged to her partner, 27-ish male.

Speaker 1 They've been together for about three years in total and got engaged a few months ago. I'll be using fake names to be safe.

Speaker 1 So Rick has a job that keeps him out of town for a couple of weeks at a time, and he comes home about every other weekend. Amanda lives and works here in town.

Speaker 1 They recently got their first apartment together, not living with family. Shortly after moving in, Rick expressed wanting a dog.
She kept telling him she wasn't quite ready.

Speaker 1 They just moved in and hadn't settled into their new home yet. He kept bringing it up, and she finally caved and said, okay, but requested they get a smaller, more easy-going breed.

Speaker 1 Well, without going into too much detail, he comes home with a very young puppy that is a high-energy dog. Think almost any shepherd breed.

Speaker 1 Luckily, Rick does take the pup with him when he's gone for work. This weekend, however, while he was home, he had to leave the house for a few hours, and she was stuck at home with the puppy.

Speaker 1 My partner and I stopped in for a visit. I got to meet the pup for the first time, and he is a little sweetie, but like all pups in the Velociraptor stage, he's a bit of a terror.

Speaker 1 Poor Amanda was exhausted and overwhelmed. While my partner was out of the room, she expressed to me that she loves Rick and she loved the pup, but she felt so drained and overstimulated.

Speaker 1 She said she was annoyed that her wishes on the type of dog was overlooked and it bothered her.

Speaker 1 I offered that auntie and uncle, my partner and I, would happily puppy sit from time to time, or even just take the pup on walks if that would help.

Speaker 1 About an hour later, Rick, her fiancé, comes home, and we are all sitting in the living room visiting.

Speaker 1 Amanda gets up to take the puppy outside to go potty, and after she leaves, Rick opens up to my partner and I.

Speaker 1 I can't remember word for word what was said, but he asked if he could talk to us, and I said, Of course.

Speaker 1 He goes on to tell us that he picked out the puppy he did as a way to test Amanda to see what kind of mother she would be. He said it was a, quote, old-timer's way of testing a woman.

Speaker 1 I expressed that I didn't think this was a fair comparison. I have three dogs and zero kids.
I love my dogs like my children.

Speaker 1 But if I were to have a child, my love for my child would be vastly different than my love for my fur babies. It's a different kind of love.

Speaker 1 I also asked him, quote, Well, are you trying to have children right now? You guys still have plenty of time to settle and get where you need to be before having kids.

Speaker 1 He replied saying he wanted a family. I understand wanting things, dot dot dot, but I also feel like you should want to do it right,

Speaker 1 especially if it involves children. My partner and I don't want kids personally, but if we did, we wouldn't want them right now as we definitely aren't ready.
And we want them to have the best life.

Speaker 1 Rick seems to think he is ready for this right now. But from an outside eye looking in, he didn't listen to his fiancée's boundaries when picking out a dog.

Speaker 1 He's testing her abilities to be a mother behind her back.

Speaker 1 And that's the other thing. While talking to my partner and I about it, he almost seemed to be belittling her ability to handle a crazy puppy.
Like, that is your partner.

Speaker 1 This is the woman you claim to love and want to marry, but you are thinking about all this when she has expressed to you that she wants to do these things, but isn't ready yet?

Speaker 1 Sorry, I'm just rambling. Anyways, after we left to go home, my partner was the first to speak up to me.

Speaker 1 He said he didn't like how Rick talked about Amanda and how he was testing her to see how she would handle a kid. He and I both want to say something to Amanda, but we don't know if we should.

Speaker 1 And if the answer is yes, we should, we don't know how. Also, sorry, other side note, Rick wants kids and to have a family, but he's gone for like two weeks at a time.

Speaker 1 Like, how is that fair to Amanda? I told my partner, if that happens, then Auntie, me, is stepping up to the plate, lol. I'll get over my fear of babies real quick.

Speaker 1 Anyways, sorry, I had to make a small joke to make myself feel better. Any advice is appreciated.
We aren't sure how to proceed. I will also fully admit, Amanda is my girl.

Speaker 1 She's a really good friend of mine and my partner. So there is a chance we might be a little dot-da-da-protective.
And if that's the case, case, I'm fully open to being told that.

Speaker 1 Thank you for reading and thank you in advance. Sounds like a really good friend.
I know.

Speaker 1 I can't believe this guy had the

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 you're gonna tell them this behind your fiancé's back. Like, yeah, don't you kind of know they're gonna tell her exactly.
That's why I think that

Speaker 1 I, I think they should tell her. You need to tell her.
Yeah, this is weird. Yeah, especially because, like, there's such a difference between

Speaker 1 if you want a certain type of animal or if you want a kid you know what i mean like if she doesn't want a certain type of animal then you can't judge her abilities of taking care of that animal the same way that she would take care of her babies because she never wanted that she never wanted that animal whereas like if she has babies she wants to have those babies yeah so i just think it's a really unfair comparison and it's just it's weird and it just doesn't feel like it doesn't feel like that's the type of stuff you do when you get into partnerships you should be able to have these type of conversations and trust

Speaker 1 that they're going to be able to

Speaker 1 respect you yeah i don't know it's it's it's really weird it's this could have been in the simply so weird thing like it's it is really odd and it's just like wait so you took on a 10 year sometimes 20 year commitment.

Speaker 1 Dogs are living a long time nowadays. Yeah.
As a way to test your fiancé to see if she would be a good mom. But you're engaged.

Speaker 1 So don't you think you should have thought about if you want to have kids with that person before getting engaged, if that's something you really want? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And now you're stuck with this dog.

Speaker 1 A dog is not this toy.

Speaker 1 It's not like, oh, I'm going to test my fiancé and then I don't want this dog. Yeah.
No. So you're stuck with this dog, a dog she didn't want.

Speaker 1 And I'm envisioning like a Belgian Malinois. The minute I heard Velociraptor, I'm envisioning Belgian Malinois.
They call them malligators for a reason. Oh my gosh.
They're high energy.

Speaker 1 They don't shut down and they are little chompers.

Speaker 1 I love them. I think they're adorable.
I would never want one for myself. If Justin brought that home, I would be pissed.
Yeah. You're completely disregarded.
She said she wanted to wait.

Speaker 1 You pushed her. You pushed her.
She agreed to a dog, but hey, please, let's get something a little more agreeable. Get a a golden retriever, dude.

Speaker 1 If anyone's testing anyone here, it should be her looking at him and being like, holy shit, you don't respect my opinion. And we're not making these big decisions together like we should.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So it's, it's really lame. I'm like, there's a part of me, a small part that,

Speaker 1 so, for example, whenever we foster cats with my boyfriend, I am always the one like picking up the kitty litter.

Speaker 1 And I'll tell him, I'm like, I need you to pick up this kitty litter so that if we ever have kids together, I need to know that I'm not going to be the only one changing diapers. Okay.

Speaker 1 So, like, please pick up the kitty litter.

Speaker 1 And so, it's, but that's like, you, that's, like, lighthearted, and we're having these conversations. It's so weird that he's

Speaker 1 did all of this behind her back like that. It just feels not like a good relationship.
No, not at all.

Speaker 1 So, yes, Ryder, you do have to tell your friend, what would you do if your partner was doing something like this to test you?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Because I don't know what type of relationship that they have.
Like,

Speaker 1 it doesn't seem like, and obviously we're only getting a tiny glimpse,

Speaker 1 but it seems like he doesn't, like, obviously there's not respect there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's like,

Speaker 1 it just feels like a very unbalanced relationship.

Speaker 1 Well, I think from the start, this is why it's hard for me to even think about like how I would handle it because from the start, I think I would, unless my partner found like this dog on the side of the road, but I would be like, you went and adopted or bought a dog without talking to me and we share a space together.

Speaker 1 That I would be like, that's, that's not okay.

Speaker 1 Like, I'd be like, you need to go and find another loving home for this animal and then we can work on a relationship because that is not how this is going to work.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a good way to go about it, especially, I mean, they're engaged. So

Speaker 1 they do see a lifelong future together. So that's probably a sensible reaction.
I would not do that to my partner.

Speaker 1 I would not force an animal on my partner to live with and take care of without having a conversation with them about it. So that's why I'm just like that.

Speaker 1 And again, I'm such an animal lover. I don't know if I'd actually be like, you need to find a new home for this animal.
Or if this dog was eating all your shit, you'd say, get it out.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Say, but, but that's not the point. The point is just like that respect.
Yeah. The lack of respect is a big issue because if every decision in your relationship, you're going to get rail runned,

Speaker 1 railroaded?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Steamrolled.
It's steamrolled. It sounded like a sexual act.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 Trained. You're going to get trained every decision of your life.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, man.
I'm really with it today, guys.

Speaker 1 But if every single decision, you're going to get steamrolled, that is not the person you want to be with long-term. Absolutely not.
Kicking out an apartment, your opinion doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 You get the apartment he wants. Getting a dog, your opinion doesn't matter.
You get the dog that he comes home with and he wants. Getting a new car.

Speaker 1 Like, there was one story I read recently where it was a guy who was like, Am I the asshole for not letting my wife get a minivan? And he he bought this like

Speaker 1 old Mercedes. Like it was 10 years old.
He could have got a brand new minivan for the same price and it kept having issues. Check engine light.
It would go dead. It would do this.

Speaker 1 And it's like, all your wife wanted was a minivan. She's the one driving the kids around every day anyways.

Speaker 1 But he didn't want to drive an ugly minivan. So he bought, he wouldn't let her get a minivan.
And it's stuff like that, where it's like, if your partner's going to

Speaker 1 railroad, is that what I was looking for? Railroad?

Speaker 1 Railroad every decision? Steamroll every decision? Like, that's not someone you want to spend your life with.

Speaker 1 Top comment, she's your girl. You would be wrong not to tell her.
She can do better than him. That's ridiculous.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I think so. If I found out my friend was like keeping something from me, I'd be bummed about it.

Speaker 1 That's part of the reason I asked what the relationship was, because I was wondering for a second if maybe the partner was saying that more as a playful joke since he was so comfortable saying it to

Speaker 1 the friends that was so weird to me yeah

Speaker 1 i wonder but also like it's not necessarily a joke because you did it

Speaker 1 yeah exactly but like if it'd be a joke if you were like borrowing someone's dog to test her well no i mean like more of like he got the dog he didn't consult her and that was not cool of him but he thought that they'd all be happy and it'd be wonderful and la da da da but like my point is like if he kind of just came came up with that on like a whim, talking to the friends, like, oh, yeah, I'm just testing her.

Speaker 1 Like, if he was saying that as a joke to the friends, but that's not actually what his, like, they didn't read it right. Yeah, but actually, no, because he said that's the old-timer way to do things.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 it seems pretty serious. He's giving, like,

Speaker 1 he's giving he wants a trad wife. Yes.
Yeah. He's giving he wants someone that is just like kind of at his beck and call.
And

Speaker 1 I want it, I want kids. I want a family.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
But what does your partner want? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, it doesn't matter. I want kids.
I want a family. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I saw this TikTok where this guy got up and was like, women aren't like how they used to be. Like they like quality women like back in like the 1920s just don't exist anymore.

Speaker 1 And like this other girl like dueted it or responded to it. Yeah.
And was just like ripped him apart. And

Speaker 1 it's just like, there is a lot of people out there still that, like, that's that's the person that they want to partner with. Like, they think they love women, but they want that woman from

Speaker 1 that they see in the history books. Yeah.
Like, I think it was so crazy. I was talking to my grandma about this, but I was like, Grandma, do you remember your first bank account you ever got?

Speaker 1 And she goes, Yeah, it was with my husband. Like, women couldn't get bank accounts on their own, they couldn't get credit cards on their own forever.

Speaker 1 And this is something we've talked about, but I do think it's really interesting. And like,

Speaker 1 this is so tangential, but um, I saw saw like a TikTok about this guy who's building a Sears home, and so Sears,

Speaker 1 which I miss Sears so much, it was such a good store. They used to sell homes for like five thousand dollars.
You're talking about the department store, right? They would sell homes, okay.

Speaker 1 And so, this guy- Wait, why do you miss it so much? I'm sorry, they had good deals, okay, yeah. Their shoes were good, it was like a Kohl's, like it just had everything.

Speaker 1 Do they not exist anymore? No, they're not. Really?

Speaker 1 They're gone. Huh.
See, I don't like department stores because they're too overwhelming to me. There's just too much going on.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 No, let me loosen Kohl's with some Kohl's cash and I could make that a party.

Speaker 1 I love Kohl's. TJ Maxx, but that's not really a department store.
Nordstrom, Macy's. Yeah, I know.
JC Penny's. I love Penny's.
You can get stuff there so cheap. They got their little rollbacks.

Speaker 1 Eyes are starting to water again. I'm sorry.
You're crying over the deals that Jay-Z Penny's offered. That I'm missing out on.
If anyone doesn't want their Kohl's cash, I'll take it. I've got a P.O.

Speaker 1 box. It's in the description.

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's something about department stores.
It doesn't matter what department store it is.

Speaker 1 They're too big for me. And I already have a hard time with shopping.
And so I just feel really overwhelmed. How do you feel at Costco?

Speaker 1 Don't like Costco either. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't like it. I like my Trader Joe's.
I like my

Speaker 1 little stores that just have a few options. I love going back.
Way less stressful. Wow.
Yeah. Wow.
I know.

Speaker 1 There is a comment here I want to read. You need to tell her.
In my experience, these tests never stop until you leave the relationship. He's just looking for more reasons to belittle her.

Speaker 1 These types of actions can at times very quickly turn into some form of abuse, too.

Speaker 1 Very true. Well, we have an update.
What way do you think it's going to go?

Speaker 1 It's going to get worse. So, overwhelmingly, the answer is to tell Amanda, and that's what I thought the answer was, but I just need to be sure.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be seeing her later this week, and I will talk to her then. I keep seeing a lot of you're not a very good friend.
If you have any doubt, you should tell her.

Speaker 1 And I want to clarify a couple of things about that.

Speaker 1 One, I was in an extremely abusive relationship, and when other loved ones told me I should leave and he wasn't good for me, I clung to him more and distanced myself from those trying to help me.

Speaker 1 I'm scared of doing that to Amanda. Two, I had another friend whose husband was total trash.

Speaker 1 I fought tooth and nail to try to help her out of the situation, even offered for her and her daughter to come live with me. Eventually, her husband made her block me.

Speaker 1 They are now divorced, but I'm still blocked and can't check in on my friend. I think about her often and wish her well.
So I'm also scared of losing Amanda.

Speaker 1 That's so lame of the friend for keeping her blocked. Like, you're divorced now.
Don't you recognize like

Speaker 1 she was. being a really good friend.
You want people like that. Three, sometimes because of my past, I can see a situation and think it's abuse when it's really not.
I can overreact.

Speaker 1 I really just needed to make sure that wasn't the case here.

Speaker 1 Update two. Amanda and I talked.
I took a lot of advice from the comments. I started by saying up front that if I'm overstepping or I'm wrong in any way, please just tell me and I will drop it.

Speaker 1 This is such a good friend. I

Speaker 1 see.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I then proceeded to tell her the other day, Rick said something to partner and I.
And if you're open to hearing it, I want to give you the option to hear it.

Speaker 1 Personally, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would want to know. God, this person, just where'd you learn all these skills?

Speaker 1 Paraphrasing, it's hard to remember a conversation word for word, but I then told her what he said. I kept it very matter of fact.
She asked to know more.

Speaker 1 So I told her as much as I could remember to be fact. After crying with each other as I was scared of losing a friend, we both told each other that we are stuck with each other for life, LOL.

Speaker 1 She said she understood that I was only coming from a place of love and I'd never do anything to hurt her. She also thanked me for being honest.

Speaker 1 I did tell her about the Reddit post and I shared the link to her. She read it and some of your comments.
I would like to correct an earlier statement I did make.

Speaker 1 He would find a different job when/slash if they have kids. That is something they did agree on, and I was incorrect in that.

Speaker 1 I apologized for being wrong and told her that based on previous conversations, I was under a different impression.

Speaker 1 She understood, and I'm taking accountability in admitting I was wrong on that detail. She knows no matter what happens-good, bad, ugly, my partner and I are here in her corner and always will be.

Speaker 1 I can't say for certain what life has in store for her, but I can say that our friendship is just as strong.

Speaker 1 Thank you again to everyone who was kind and helped me navigate the situation as best as possible. That's so cute.

Speaker 1 I'm so curious if they're still together. Oh, you looked like you had another update.
No, I wish. Oh, this sunscreen in my eyes, it still just keeps like

Speaker 1 randomly appearing. So the post is 16 days old.
Okay.

Speaker 1 There is a comment from someone that OP responded to. I'd like to know if they are still together.
Currently, yes, they are.

Speaker 1 I'm not surprised. Amanda.

Speaker 1 Okay. You know best, Amanda.

Speaker 1 I'll trust you. I'll trust you.

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Moving along.

Speaker 1 Okay, this is one you found, but you didn't read. I didn't didn't read.
I didn't read it either. Which always worries me because what if we wasted our time on something bad? But

Speaker 1 risk it for the biscuit. So this is coming from AITAH.
It is five days old. Titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Husband That He Can Divorce Me If He Doesn't Want Me to Sleep With Others?

Speaker 1 My husband cheated on me. He begged me to stay and to go to counseling, and that's what we have been doing for two months now.
I think I'm still in shock, honestly.

Speaker 1 He said he would do anything just so we would stay together.

Speaker 1 On our latest session, I told him with the therapist present that I will never sleep with him again, that she could have him, and that I will have sex with another man.

Speaker 1 He will not know when, or where, or with whom. If he doesn't want to live like this, he can divorce me.
He started crying and saying that I was unfair, which is ironic because he started this.

Speaker 1 He says it is not the same. Am I the asshole? Oh,

Speaker 1 I didn't realize this one was that short. Just right to the point.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow. Okay, so OP, do you still actually want to be married, though? You just want to have an open marriage? Like, or are you just trying to be

Speaker 1 like trying to kind of make him get the point of how hurtful it was? Also, when she says here, I told him with the therapist present that I will never sleep with him again, that she could have him.

Speaker 1 Was it the therapist? The therapist? Or was it, that's what I was wondering.

Speaker 1 I'm assuming it was the other woman. The other woman, yeah.

Speaker 1 But also, it's like, if you're never going to sleep with someone again and that's like of substance to you, you know, because some people are very like sexual relations with their partner is very important to them.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Then there's some people that are asexual, but like, if that's important, why stay with someone that you're never going to have sex with again? That's what I'm wondering.

Speaker 1 That's why I'm like, are you just saying that to make a point? Or do you actually think that that would make you happy to like own a house with someone, maybe raise kids with them?

Speaker 1 I don't know if they have kids kids or not. No mention.
Yeah. And that.
I mean, that's all we got. Yeah.
And then just do your own thing.

Speaker 1 Like, if you just wanted to have like a best, a best friendship that you kind of do life together, but don't do anything sexual. Like, does that, is that something that would actually make you happy?

Speaker 1 Or are you just trying to make a point? That's my question. What? And that's the thing.
What's the point? What is the point of this? Why stay married to someone that you don't even like?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Life is too short to be stuck with a ball and chain that cheated on you and now you're just staying with out of what's, is this another out of spite?

Speaker 1 But this is why I'm wondering. I'm like, well, does OP like him and

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 1 doesn't

Speaker 1 is just like, but I don't want to have sex with you, but like, you're my homie.

Speaker 1 I don't know, dude. We got some edits, though.
Okay. I also made a group chat between me, all of his friends, all of his colleagues.
She is a colleague.

Speaker 1 and told her, quote, her name, I just want you to know that I'm grateful for you for showing me my husband's true colors. He is all yours now.
Congratulations for winning such a prize. Oh,

Speaker 1 yeah, there's a lot of anger there. I don't, whoa.

Speaker 1 Well, and I mean, she did say in the original post:

Speaker 1 I've been doing therapy for two months now. I think I am still in shock.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then the group text, the group text.

Speaker 1 I get it, but girl,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'm not in messy Morgan mode.

Speaker 1 Messy Morgan would be like, text them all,

Speaker 1 text the family too.

Speaker 1 I'm feeling a little

Speaker 1 clean today. More Zen.

Speaker 1 Edit two.

Speaker 1 I will not be sleeping with others. I just told him so.
See, that's what I was wondering. So it feels like it's just trying to hit him where it hurts.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 She probably wants him to envision it too. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like that's why she's saying it. Like, this is my plan.
This is what I'm going to do.

Speaker 1 Like, I think she wants him to actually picture that because she's had to picture him with another woman over and over again in her head, you know?

Speaker 1 Especially a colleague that you know he still has to interact with, still somewhat close to, even if it's just proximity.

Speaker 1 I also wonder, and maybe there's listeners out there who you've, you've done this and you could write in.

Speaker 1 I wonder if there's anyone that has been cheated on and says to their partner, I'm going to cheat.

Speaker 1 Well, not cheat because we're discussing it, but I'm going to sleep with someone else, not going to tell you, and then we'll be, we'll be even and we'll be good. And I wonder if that has ever truly

Speaker 1 set the slate clean and worked. Yeah.
I'd love to know. There was this movie that I watched where this couple, they ended up, I can't remember it, but they lost their house.
And so they went to this,

Speaker 1 this kind of like farm area where everybody just pulled their weight and then they didn't have to pay for rent. And they were all very like open sexually.

Speaker 1 And so sounds like a cult. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And that something like that happened where

Speaker 1 she ended up doing that because they agreed upon it. And then

Speaker 1 he tried to do it to like hooked up with somebody else. And so he tried to do it to even it out because he's like, what, you actually did it? Like, I thought we were just joking.

Speaker 1 And then she's like, oh my God, please go be with somebody else so we can even it out. She's like, We need to even this so that, like, because she's like, I'm not gonna be able to live with myself,

Speaker 1 so she's like, Now, like, she was like, trying to set him up with this other girl, husband and wife.

Speaker 1 You need to know what movie this is. It sounds so familiar.
Is it Wanderlust? Yes, with

Speaker 1 Jennifer Anderson and Paul Rudd, yes, yeah. When the hell did this come out? Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 Oh my god,

Speaker 1 wow, okay,

Speaker 1 that sounds crazy.

Speaker 1 I'm very curious. So that concept does exist.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let us know if it's worked for you. Yeah.
Edit number three.

Speaker 1 Okay, off to bed. I'm getting slaughtered here, and I didn't expect that.
All I want is for him to feel my pain. He cheated on me, and now I have to take the decision and leave him.

Speaker 1 I wanted him to feel the same when he believes I cheated and he has to leave. That's all.
If that makes me an asshole, then I'm the asshole. I respect your verdict.
Good night.

Speaker 1 Edit four.

Speaker 1 Wow, I wasn't expecting this. Now I'm getting lots of support too.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 1 Well, I just woke up. I haven't slept in weeks.
I needed it. My husband wants to talk.
We have a session today that I actually didn't want to go to.

Speaker 1 The last session I told them that this would be the last one because I've made up my mind, but he begged me because he said he wanted to talk. Not sure what I expect.

Speaker 1 Hopefully he is going to ask for a divorce and we'll be done with this. I need to go to bed again before the appointment.
If anything important happens, I will let you know. Edit five update, I guess.

Speaker 1 We had a session today with a therapist, and I told them again that I didn't want to go to sessions anymore because they will never work for me.

Speaker 1 On our way home, he asked me if I was with anyone, and I didn't answer him. So he said that he can't think of a time that I wasn't home at an odd hour or anything.
I didn't say anything.

Speaker 1 So he said said he couldn't live like this and he is going to spend the weekend at his family's home. Then he said that he trusted that I wouldn't have anybody in our apartment.
And I said nothing.

Speaker 1 He said he couldn't do this anymore. And I said that this is the way I will always feel if I took him back.

Speaker 1 Is he with another one? If I'm to visit family, will he bring her to my home?

Speaker 1 I kind of love this tactic. I know it's probably not very recommended, but like he's gone paranoid.
but yeah, but like rightfully deserved. Yeah, she's trying to show exactly like.

Speaker 1 And I've, I don't know why I haven't really thought about this aspect of somebody cheating on a person and then begging for them back and how hard it is for that person who just got wronged to have to be the one to make the decision to end the relationship.

Speaker 1 Like when it's like, I never wanted to end the relationship and now you're making me have to end the relationship because you're begging for me back.

Speaker 1 And now, like, I don't put me through mental anguish.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I thought I had the love of my life, I thought I had it all, and you stripped that all away from me, and now I have to make the decision to leave.

Speaker 1 It's it's already hard enough for people to make a decision to leave when someone doesn't cheat because you know, yeah, they just aren't working out, yeah. So, I just think that, like,

Speaker 1 why do I feel like that was just like a big like you think about that, right? But you don't think about the gravity of that. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you were wronged. And then you also have to be the bigger person in a sense to leave.
Yeah. To know your worth.
You didn't necessarily want that. You definitely don't deserve that.
Right.

Speaker 1 But it's what's right. Right.
God, life is just so unfair sometimes. It's confusing sometimes.
That's for sure.

Speaker 1 Opie.

Speaker 1 Opie does go on to say, Can I think back long and hard enough to remember if he has been out at an odd hour? He said he would never do this to me ever. And I said, but you already did.

Speaker 1 And this is how I always will be thinking if I took a cheater back.

Speaker 1 He packed a bag and said that he loved me and left. Now I can cry in peace.

Speaker 1 Edit six. Sorry, I have over 120 DMs.
I can't read them all. I hope you don't think I'm being rude.
Edit 7. Hi, this is the next morning from Edit 5.

Speaker 1 I must say that I felt a kind of relief waking up this morning to an empty apartment. The first thing I thought of was to just lay in bed and watch House of the Dragon.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, but the ending of season two is terrible. Are you guys blacks or greens? Blacks.
He called me twice and texted me, but I didn't answer. Let him boil.

Speaker 1 I guess my message is clear to him now: that we are not a thing anymore.

Speaker 1 He canceled the rest of the sessions he booked for us because I got texts from the therapist's office about cancellation. Now, only divorce left.

Speaker 1 To those who are asking me if I ever tell him if I in fact cheated or not once we are divorced, I don't know. I want him to never know ever.

Speaker 1 But at the same time, what would he think if he knew that I never cheated?

Speaker 1 He'd probably come begging again, right?

Speaker 1 Also, like, don't give him that satisfaction. Don't even give him the ability to go to other people and be like, well, she cheated on me after.
Don't give him that.

Speaker 1 Keep your integrity, your dignity intact. Keep your side of the street clean.
Yeah, and it's just not worth it. Like, don't give the pond scum any more LG to feed off of.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not worth it. I would agree with that.
Drop a couple goldfishes in the pond, let them clean it up and go about your day.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Where'd you learn that one from, or did it just like come out of nowhere?

Speaker 1 Were you watching? I feel like you were like watching Miss Rachel before this episode. I would love to have Miss Rachel on an episode.

Speaker 1 Miss Rachel, I'll make it really

Speaker 1 PG.

Speaker 1 Top comment. I think you're very hurt and likely feeling a lot of emotions like rage or even vengeance, which is normal.

Speaker 1 Be honest with yourself and give yourself the space to sort out your feelings, perhaps separate or create some boundaries with him. OP responds, I think I'm still in shock.

Speaker 1 So, what was the overall consensus? Were people saying, OP,

Speaker 1 we like you, or OP, maybe try not handling it this way? Yeah,

Speaker 1 there's no

Speaker 1 top comments I see about you're the asshole, not the asshole. Like people aren't really voting.

Speaker 1 Someone does say revenge is a dish best served cold, but I think divorce is probably best here as you are never going to be able to forget and forgive. And that's okay.

Speaker 1 The first not the asshole I'm seeing is way, way, way down the page and just says, not the asshole. And OP, I know you must be blinded by rage right now, and you're so right for it.

Speaker 1 However, the longer you decide to keep your soon-to-be ex losing his poop, the longer you'll be stuck in this toxic roundabout that's not going to help you heal. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Please be kind to yourself and look to set yourself free. True.
It is really early, so that's why I'm not really surprised because it's only been like, what, a month or two months?

Speaker 1 Yeah, very, very quick. Two months.

Speaker 1 Pretty fresh. Yeah.
For a marriage specifically. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No other updates beyond that last one.

Speaker 1 But yeah, just a couple comments from OP.

Speaker 1 So there's one that she says to someone, hope you're not wasting your youth on a loser.

Speaker 1 Hmm. Poor thing.
Because no mention of age on that one.

Speaker 1 So we don't know. Like, no mention of how long they were together.
It could have been 20, 30 years. Like, can you imagine being with someone for 30 years and then just,

Speaker 1 oops, I slept with someone else? Like, like it's an oops, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just, it's a lot.

Speaker 1 Good find, Lauren. Yay.
Yeah, I didn't, I did not know what that one would be like. I just, it had a lot of attention in the

Speaker 1 title of it. I was like, I'm going to send this over to you.
Yeah, it's a good one. Moving along.
Okay, this next one does need a trigger warning.

Speaker 1 It does contain talks of infertility struggles just going off the first few lines so if you feel you can't handle that today please skip ahead okay so this next one is coming from am i the asshole it is titled am i the asshole for leaving the hospital after my sister gave birth and announced the name of her baby oh it's the name that she wanted

Speaker 1 we shall see I, 32 female, have been dealing with infertility for seven years now. My husband and I are prepared for the fact we might not ever get to have a child together, but it's not easy.

Speaker 1 We're both currently in individual therapy to help us process all of this and find a way to be at peace regardless of what the future holds for us.

Speaker 1 But I truly hope we are lucky enough to have a child. My husband and I have baby names picked out.

Speaker 1 We never talk about them, but we have a little note on our baby name book with our boy and girl name pick. It's in our bedroom.
We don't look at it much anymore, but it keeps us hoping, you know?

Speaker 1 My sister, 36 female, has five daughters, and two weeks ago, she gave birth to her first son.

Speaker 1 My husband was working, but I was at the hospital with my parents and my sister's in-laws while waiting for the birth.

Speaker 1 Once he was born, we were called in to meet my nephew, and my sister told us that they'd chosen the name Elio for him.

Speaker 1 She said the name was originally mine and my husband's top choice, but since we wouldn't be having any kids after all this time, she decided that they should use it and not let the name go to waste being kept a secret by me.

Speaker 1 It was then that I remembered seeing my sister in my room while she was pregnant a few months ago. I thought nothing of it at the time, but realized she had been snooping.
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 My parents asked how she could do that without talking to me first. My sister replied that it seemed like a shame to waste a perfectly good name if I asked her not to use it.

Speaker 1 I couldn't handle it and I left. I didn't even say congrats or anything.
I left and went home and I cried for a while. The very next day, my sister called and asked me why I made such a big deal.

Speaker 1 She also decided to drop that she was hurt, that I never discussed my baby names with her, gatekeeping them.

Speaker 1 Shut off.

Speaker 1 Even when I knew I wouldn't have a baby. I asked her how she could go out of her way to take the one name my husband and I had picked.
She called me sensitive. I ended the call without another word.

Speaker 1 My parents checked in on me two days after. But since then, my parents have said that I should let it go and apologize for walking out.

Speaker 1 My sister also said I made her postpartum time difficult and it would be very selfish on my part. Selfish? Am I the asshole?

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. So what? Let me get this straight.
This wasn't even a name that was shared with sister. Sister just went and and like snooped around and found it.
Is that what happened? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Went into a drawer, found her baby notebook with the boy and girl names picked out. This was never discussed with her.
It was never shared. She snooped, found the name, and instead of like asking,

Speaker 1 sprung it on her, sprung it on her. Hi, this is my new son.
His name's Elio. That's such shady behavior.
That's gross. What the fuck? And

Speaker 1 it's such a unique name, too. Yeah.
It's not Eli. Right.
Elio? What do you think that like pregnant sister was even thinking? Like when, like, how to,

Speaker 1 I don't understand how that.

Speaker 1 That's this specific thing. She's a selfish bitch is what she was thinking.
Yeah. Also to imply, well, it's going to go to waste.
You'll never have a baby. There's other fucking options for them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, there's other options. That's just out of time.
What if they wanted to adopt? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What if they did IVF? What if they were able to get a surrogate? Or what if they just were able to have a baby in general? Like, it's just like, that's so, that's so shitty in so many ways.

Speaker 1 She's only 32. Specifically, because like what I've heard from people like struggling with infertility, like it's a very emotional process.

Speaker 1 So for that to be weaponized against you is like so messed up. It is insane.
And like, obviously. There's a, there's so many ways to feel about Ozempic.

Speaker 1 Like, it's a very hot topic, hot button issue for a lot of people right now.

Speaker 1 But the amount of stories I've seen from women who are like, I went on Ozempic for my PCOS and weight loss and I got pregnant. There's so many people that like randomly

Speaker 1 a bunch of mucinex. And from taking mucinex, they ended up getting pregnant

Speaker 1 after struggling for years and years and years. And like, that is not medical advice.
That's not me.

Speaker 1 Trying to use any knowledge. That's just like me seeing shit on TikTok.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like take it for what you will yeah but i'm trying to say like there's hope there's people that have struggled for fucking ever and then gotten pregnant randomly at 45. absolutely she's 32 yeah 32

Speaker 1 like they're just coming to terms with like the fact that they might not be able to naturally conceive yeah but it doesn't mean it's off the table

Speaker 1 what a fucking bitch truly That would just be hard. Oh, I'm pissed.
I don't need a minute to decompress. I'm pissed.
I'm pissed. I'm so pissed, honestly.
I would not talk to her.

Speaker 1 And honestly, I would still keep that baby name. And then when your family asks, why did you have the same name as your sister? Well, actually, see this little fucking baby book? This was my book.

Speaker 1 My sister went into my room, snooped, and then on the birth of her son, announced this name after she stole it from me.

Speaker 1 I would, I know this is like kind of crazy, but I would be like, either change the name or we're done being siblings.

Speaker 1 I don't think that's crazy at all. I don't think that's crazy.
I think that's

Speaker 1 the most rational thing I've fucking heard all day.

Speaker 1 I love that. I love that for me.
Change the name or we're done, bitch.

Speaker 1 How many times can I say bitch after one story? I'm so happy. I like that.

Speaker 1 I'm like, you're fired up today. And I love this for you because I love this for us because like

Speaker 1 Messi Morgan is active. Yeah, I like that because I'm a little, um, I'm a little in my head today.
And so I'm happy that you are, um,

Speaker 1 what's the word? Popping off, taking one for the team. Not taking one for the team, but like winning.
Like, you know, where's my trophy?

Speaker 1 You're holding it together for the team.

Speaker 1 Ribbon right here. And I love it.

Speaker 1 This is your best story yet. I just like, I'm, I'm so hurt for her because after seven years of struggling with that,

Speaker 1 to then be just

Speaker 1 trompled over. I'd be so pissed.
And then your parents coming in now and being like, You should apologize. Shut up.
No.

Speaker 1 Apologize for what? Yeah.

Speaker 1 For what? She stole my baby name. It just makes me so, it feels like the sister is one of those people who is always trying to compete or take something from her sister.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, that she's like, I'm just upset that you gatekept these names from me. It's like, yeah, what do you,

Speaker 1 why,

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 Clearly, I needed to. Yeah.
Because I didn't even share it with you and you stole it. God.

Speaker 1 I just

Speaker 1 am blown away. Me too.

Speaker 1 Okay. So, top comment on this post.
Hmm. Not the asshole.
Now, this subreddit, including yours truly, is a big supporter of we don't own fucking names. And that's true.

Speaker 1 But your sister was acting incredibly out of line here. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The snooping, calling you out for not talking about the names ever and choosing the name that she specifically got the idea of from snooping without so much as a conversation is completely unacceptable.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 Well, OP did respond to that comment.

Speaker 1 What bothered me/slash hurt me the most was the fact that she considers the name wasted on my husband and me. Like, yes, I know we might never have kids.
We might never be that lucky.

Speaker 1 But the comment stung so much. Yeah, that's that's my point.
Like,

Speaker 1 how inconsiderate are you?

Speaker 1 And how, that's just not a supportive friend or sister or person at all when somebody's going through these infertility issues and that this is something that they really want.

Speaker 1 Like, that's so messed up to use that against them. Like, well, it's going to go to waste.
Like, you don't know that. You jerk.
No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Someone replies to a P and goes, oh, she meant to hurt. Yeah.
I don't know what your underlying relationship is there.

Speaker 1 If she's actually jealous of your marriage or something something else, but don't believe for a second this sequence of events is in any way coincidental.

Speaker 1 Which I think is so messed up because it's like, why would you want to name your child out of like a spiteful tactic to hurt your sister?

Speaker 1 I think people that are so insecure of a sibling or have always had it about them, which giving by the parents' reaction, maybe we're getting a little golden child syndrome where it's always about her.

Speaker 1 She can do no wrong. She might honestly think she's entitled to use that name.
It's a good name. It's going to go to waste.
It gives like

Speaker 1 stealing sister's husband and being proud of it type of like story vibes. Cause we've had a story like that before, too.
And like,

Speaker 1 we've had conversations where it's just like, well, why would you even want to be with somebody who is married to your sister?

Speaker 1 Like, everything aside of how much it hurts your sister, why do you want that? You know, like, and so that's what this kind of, it's like different, but it gives me those kind of vibes.

Speaker 1 It's just like, why do you want to use a name that you know causes so much pain to your sister?

Speaker 1 I don't even think it's just like, I feel like having that name in that book too is like not even, maybe not even painful, but like maybe hopeful for her. Exactly.
Yeah. Like, here's my name.

Speaker 1 If I ever get so lucky, we already have the name that me and my husband both love. Yeah.
It's not just her she's hurting, she's hurting her sister, her brother-in-law.

Speaker 1 Like, you're, you know how hard it is for a couple to agree on a fucking name and then you steal it? Bitch.

Speaker 1 Uh, OP does have another comment here that they respond to.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, it sounds like she deliberately searched out your preferred name so she could use it to spite you and rub it in that she can use it while you so far can't. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What a malicious way to bring a child into the world. That's what I'm saying.
And now, of course, she makes your provoked reaction about how that hurts her.

Speaker 1 I don't know how you get past this with her. Your sister sounds extremely toxic.

Speaker 1 Ding, ding, ding.

Speaker 1 OP goes, I don't know either. Using the name alone, I could have gotten past, but her comments on top of that are not something I can easily get over or quickly.
I don't think you do.

Speaker 1 I think this is one of those situations where you go no contact. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 if it doesn't get better,

Speaker 1 I would agree. So someone goes, I can't help but wonder what the baby's father thinks of the name and if he knew how OP's sister found the name.

Speaker 1 OP responds, he was aware and was happy about the name because his name also begins with E. He didn't care that it came from my list my husband and I made.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, those assholes really deserve each other.

Speaker 1 And if that ain't the fucking truth,

Speaker 1 moving along.

Speaker 1 Never mind.

Speaker 1 I was just going to say that. I hate them.
No, I was just going to say, like, then again, like, I feel like,

Speaker 1 I feel like my partner, I could see him being like,

Speaker 1 oh, that's a cool name. Sure, whatever.
And, like, not asking details, you know, just like, oh, E, E?

Speaker 1 Cool. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I could see it. Boys are sometimes silly.
Men are sometimes silly.

Speaker 1 This episode of Two Hot Takes is presented by DiSerono. This holiday season, I'll be raising a glass with DiSerono, the world's favorite Italian liqueur.
And mine. Di Serono has been a holiday staple.

Speaker 1 The flavor it has is just so unique. Smooth almond, hint of vanilla.
It's one of the only liqueurs I can actually just drink on the rocks. It's sweet, but not overly sweet.
It's just sophisticated.

Speaker 1 And to mark 500 years as an icon of the Italian Dolce Vita, DiSerono has released five limited edition bottles. Visit DiSorono.com to learn more.
Drink responsibly.

Speaker 1 1525, The Legend of DiSerono begins.

Speaker 1 Oh man, I don't know how we're starting this. I know.
Hi, guys.

Speaker 1 What was going to be a short episode turned into Lauren sleeping over and us coming back to record some more stories for you

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 record one of September's full bonus episodes for Patreon.

Speaker 1 You're getting lots of Lauren. Lots of good Lauren stories and more of this.
I just need a minute to decompress theme. Nice.

Speaker 1 And if you're wondering why I'm in the same clothes, despite sleeping and coming back, tell them why, Lauren. Well, because I slept over and I only had one set of clothes.

Speaker 1 And so she wanted to join me in solidarity. I'm being a good friend.

Speaker 1 And I wore it literally to record. So I don't feel that

Speaker 1 bad. Yeah.
And I also am a big outfit repeater. Like

Speaker 1 constantly. Yeah.
If I like my outfit, I will wear it two days in a row. If I'm not doing anything crazy, like sweaty.
I'm not stinky.

Speaker 1 Which I just did that because I was walking outside to find coffee and I accidentally went the wrong way and ended up like outside in the 90-degree heat for like 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 It's a little warm up here.

Speaker 1 We're going to need to change when I get home.

Speaker 1 But, but for now, I can't smell you. We're good.
Fantastic. That's great.
Let's get back to these stories.

Speaker 1 Coming from relationship advice, 21 days old, titled, During our vacation in Vegas, I, 28 female, woke up at 2 a.m.

Speaker 1 to find my husband, 34 male, missing, his location off, and thousands in charges from a strip club on our bank account. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Where to go from here?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 My husband and I booked a last-minute getaway to Vegas for a couple of nights. We arrived yesterday.

Speaker 1 We had tickets to see a show last night, but after a long day of drinking in the heat, I wasn't feeling well and I needed to end the night early.

Speaker 1 I encouraged my husband to still go so he could enjoy his evening. So he did, and I went to sleep.
2 a.m. rolls around and I wake up to find that he never came back to the room.

Speaker 1 The show is literally at our hotel, so I start to panic and go to check his location. It's off.
Then I text him asking where he was. He reads it and doesn't respond.
Oh my god. I call him.

Speaker 1 I would be throwing up right now. I call him several times and he sends me to voicemail.

Speaker 1 While I was trying to get a hold of him, I see there are two separate charges for $1,000 plus from a strip club. Oh

Speaker 1 my God.

Speaker 1 He didn't respond to me until nearly 3 a.m. and just texted me that he was on his way back.
30 minutes later, he stumbles into the room, absolutely obliterated.

Speaker 1 He tries to lie and say say he was just gambling down the strip, that he never went to a strip club, even though the charges were literally made with Apple Pay and he hadn't lost his phone.

Speaker 1 After going through his receipts, I found he had been at the strip club for nearly five hours, essentially confirming that he went straight from the show and left 40 minutes after my first Where Are You text.

Speaker 1 You don't go to the strip club for five hours and not have some funny business go down.

Speaker 1 I also tracked all of our accounts.

Speaker 1 Literally, can you imagine just getting a lap dance for five hours? You would be raw from the friction. What is happening? Five hours?

Speaker 1 I also tracked all of our accounts. And if all of the charges made there settle as they are, he'll have spent nearly $6,000 there.

Speaker 1 He swears he didn't cheat on me and says nothing sexual happened, though I can only only imagine the situations you find yourself in after five hours in a strip club, especially when you're intoxicated beyond comprehension.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'll never truly know what happened, and that alone is the most painful part. We flew home a day early, and I just have no idea where to go from here.

Speaker 1 We've been together for seven years, married for four years in just a couple of months. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 As far as I was aware, We're in a great place in our marriage, and there haven't been any issues with infidelity in the past. This is completely out of character.

Speaker 1 I'm absolutely crushed and deeply disappointed. He was reckless with our money, with my trust, with our marriage, and it really fucking hurts.

Speaker 1 The fact that we were on a solo trip together, and instead of coming back to me or doing literally anything else, he chose to go to a strip club.

Speaker 1 I would love any insight and advice from those who have gone through something similar with their partners. Thank you for reading.
He sucks. I'm pissed.
$6,000. Oh my God.
Yeah. I don't even know.

Speaker 1 I think that I would be more mad about that than anything, which sounds crazy to say, but I will. Yeah.
I also, we, we both have weird relationships with money.

Speaker 1 But like

Speaker 1 $6,000

Speaker 1 is absolutely repulsive. That's a year of rent for a lot of people.
That is

Speaker 1 at least six months of rent for a lot of people. A year.
Rent expensive, not a year.

Speaker 1 No, it can be a year i i actually know um somebody who has two places one in la and one in ohio and he pays 300 a month

Speaker 1 yeah i guess my my apartment in uptown minneapolis was 500 a month it was like i split it with three people so like yeah it is possible but like

Speaker 1 oh my god just like it's insane it's insane the disrespect the lying the

Speaker 1 what is he doing there for so long there's no way like I would be, there's no way.

Speaker 1 Honestly, like, forget the like trust aspect of it.

Speaker 1 Like, I would genuinely be like creeped out of my partner just because, yeah, just the whole dynamic of it feels so, makes me feel so uneasy because it's like, it's so, it feels so drunk and sloppy and sneaky and then gaslighty.

Speaker 1 I just, I don't like all these things that are going down.

Speaker 1 Well, and it's like you turn your location off,

Speaker 1 bad intentions Yeah. To do that.
Exactly. You then don't answer when she starts calling you bad intentions.

Speaker 1 You're in the middle of something.

Speaker 1 I don't know. And I get like, oh, you're in the middle of a dance.
Like, maybe you don't want to say, hey, one second, I got to take this call. But to then not call her back,

Speaker 1 to then like.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 And that's the thing is that, like, I know that like, there's, there's people that are, like, couples that are very down for strip clubs, but like going anywhere and lying to your partner about it is very questionable.

Speaker 1 Yes. So the fact that like location was turned off, there's charges directly to the strip club.
And then he said, no, there's not. That didn't happen.

Speaker 1 Forget the strip club in itself. Any location would be concerning.
But like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, and then the funny thing too is he's like, he's at the strip club and he says nothing sexual happened. It's like the whole, that's the idea of being there is just, it's a a sexual place.

Speaker 1 Well, it's, it's also the fact first where he was like, I didn't, I didn't go to the strip club. I spent all my time just gambling on the strip.
And then, oh, okay, fine. You caught me.

Speaker 1 I did go to the strip club, but I didn't cheat on you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, I have a hard time believing you just got dry humped for five hours.
Right. I'm very pro-strip club.
I know not everyone is. I have fun going there.
But if Justin went by himself

Speaker 1 for that long and spent that much money and lied to you, I would be pissed. Exactly.
I would be pissed.

Speaker 1 That was my point of what I was trying to say: is that like, even if that's a part of their relationship where they're okay with like, with strip clubs within their relationship, it still is not okay behavior because it's extremely shady.

Speaker 1 I really think like going forward,

Speaker 1 you like honestly might have to have like a no strip club rule for this relationship. That might have to be a boundary going forward because of the way he's lying.
And

Speaker 1 you even say here in the post, like, you don't know if you can trust him. You don't know if you believe him.

Speaker 1 So, like, going forward to work past this couples therapy, 100%, but that might have to be a hard boundary for you.

Speaker 1 And then, if he crosses it and you catch him or location goes off, you kind of have your answer that you have a partner that doesn't respect you and your trust is gone.

Speaker 1 And you might have to create a fork in the road.

Speaker 1 I would just, depending on, as of right now, the way that the partners handled this is so bad that, like, I would just have such an ick from my partner that I just,

Speaker 1 I wouldn't even be interested. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I know that that's easy to say because I'm not in it and they've been married for a long time. So, obviously, there's way more to it.

Speaker 1 But, like, I don't know, just when people are super like sneaky and lie like this, and it just,

Speaker 1 it just, it gives me the ick. It's crazy.
Well, and also, I understand he was extremely intoxicated,

Speaker 1 but if you were that,

Speaker 1 this is hard because some people just don't know their limits.

Speaker 1 I don't think he had his drink spiked. I truly just think he had too much.
But, like, that's, that's fair. If he did have his, honestly, maybe

Speaker 1 that's like the only

Speaker 1 out is like if he had his drink spiked and then just like went crazy. But

Speaker 1 maybe they should go get a test. That's the hard part about that stuff.
It's out of your system pretty quickly. Yeah.
So dangerous. So, so dangerous.
I have a neighbor who, um,

Speaker 1 oh my gosh, he

Speaker 1 ended up coming back from a bar and thought that his dog was

Speaker 1 lost and broke into a different apartment and ended up getting arrested. And they, um, he had like a cut.
So they ended up bringing him to the hospital.

Speaker 1 And then they found out that he had rufillin in his system. So he was actually able to get like drop drop the charges because he was

Speaker 1 the one who was some yeah he was drugged yeah

Speaker 1 so it's just like really scary that's why it's like i mean it might be worth a shot like but obviously this is so after the fact now it's like been days

Speaker 1 i don't know it's just this is wild top comment okay so simple fix Dispute the charge. So the strip club has to prove it was authorized.

Speaker 1 Strip clubs usually get really pissy about that and spill all of the the tea. So that's the closest you're going to get to finding out the truth.
Brilliant.

Speaker 1 To be honest, though, you have to know that dropping 6K, turning off location, leaving you on red and denying your calls means he cheated, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But a lot of clubs do have cameras for the women's safety, the workers' safety. So like,

Speaker 1 They might have him on tape and then you're not going to get gaslit. You're not going to get lied to.
You'll have an answer. And I would rather know the truth.

Speaker 1 Like in my head, if it's over anyways, I want to know the truth. I want to know truly.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't want my radar and my sense of like

Speaker 1 knowing what's right and trusting my gut to be off. Like, I would want to know.
I want to see the video.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Show it.
Pull it up. I would be very curious too, if he got, when he got back to the hotel, if that credit card was in his pocket.

Speaker 1 Because there are pit pocketers. And like that she could have gone to the strip club.
But she

Speaker 1 will pay, though. Oh, that fucker.

Speaker 1 It was him.

Speaker 1 Get the tapes. Get the tapes.
That fucking bitch.

Speaker 1 Ah, slimy.

Speaker 1 Someone responds to that and goes, My first thought was, quote, well, maybe the strip club would be happy to spill the tea. This is the best way, I think.
Oh, I love the dispute charges.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes, yes. This is why we have read it.
Brilliant. There are no comments from OP, no update.
We're going to have to keep our eyes peeled on this one. Ooh, juicy.
Damn. Juicy.

Speaker 1 Wait, so would you, do you think you would leave? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's

Speaker 1 so hard, though, because they're married. I know.
And like she said, I thought our relationship was great. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I thought, you know, we were amazing. We've been married for four years, together for seven.
There's been no issues. So, if this truly is a one-off and alcohol was really the fueling factor here,

Speaker 1 no more drinking, no more, no more drinking like that, at least for sure. No more strip clubs.
Yeah. Like that, those are the boundaries now.

Speaker 1 And therapy. Therapy.
Therapy. You got to get that trust back.
I feel like we need like signs that say either like

Speaker 1 believe or therapy.

Speaker 1 Because that's what a lot of the stories that we have are, you know? Yeah, I can make some other signs. Yeah.
Yeah, I'll get on that. I like that.
And we'll turn them on

Speaker 1 as we need.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's good. That's really good.

Speaker 1 This episode of Two Out Takes is brought to you by Wayfair. This is not your first rodeo.
After all of the wild and somewhat uncomfortable stories we read on this show, one thing's for sure.

Speaker 1 Life can be unhinged. That's why your home should be your calm, comfy, happy place.
And Wayfair totally gets gets that.

Speaker 1 My happy place includes a nice sofa, an ottoman to kick my feet up on, and a blankie. You guys know I love a blankie.
And I love pieces that look good and are gonna last.

Speaker 1 And that's what I've gotten with Wayfair. A lot of my studio furniture is even from Wayfair, and they delivered it, came in, set it up.
It was seamless.

Speaker 1 And I'm even trusting Wayfair for the lounge furniture for our wedding. So, whether it's furniture, storage solutions, decor, you can get it all in one place at Wayfair.

Speaker 1 Shop everything home at Wayfair.com with free and easy delivery straight to your door. That's WAYFAIR.com.
Wayfair, every style, every home.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm gonna give you a choice on the next one. Option number one:

Speaker 1 I, 28 female, found out my husband, 29 male, has been telling his coworkers that I'm his sister. What do I do? Please help.

Speaker 1 Or option number two,

Speaker 1 my 28 female boyfriend's 30 male ex hid a note about his cleaning/slash dating habits right before they broke up, and I just found it. How do I hit a note? Hid a note.
What's wrong with me?

Speaker 1 I was literally picturing like a

Speaker 1 music note. How do I talk to him about cleaning habits without him feeling like I'm using his ex's words against him?

Speaker 1 Work, husband keeps telling his coworkers I'm his sister, found a secret note from my boyfriend's ex.

Speaker 1 See, I'm kind of confused by this note and the cleaning.

Speaker 1 What was this note? What did the note say?

Speaker 1 Are you leaning towards that one? No, because I'm really curious about the sister too.

Speaker 1 Which one do you think is better? I don't know, Lauren. That's why I let you pick.
I'm so stressed. I want the sister one.
I'm curious about that. The sister.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, so again, I, 28 female, found out my husband, 29 male, has been telling his coworkers that I'm his sister. What do I do? Please help.

Speaker 1 My husband, I'll call him Josh, and I have been together for six years, married for four. We don't have any kids.
We have a really healthy and communicative relationship.

Speaker 1 We're both pretty easygoing, and I really love him. He started working at a large accounting firm about three years ago.
And from what he tells me, he loves it there.

Speaker 1 He's made a lot of friends through his job, and he goes out with them for drinks and social events quite often. And I've been totally okay with that.

Speaker 1 I'm quite introverted, so I've never been interested in meeting his colleagues or work friends, nor have I asked to.

Speaker 1 I've got my own circle of friends, and I'm fine with us having separate friend groups.

Speaker 1 After what happened yesterday, it only just occurred to me that he has never actually asked me if I'd like to meet any of them or even go to one of his work events. I guess that's important context.

Speaker 1 Anyways, I'll start with what happened a few months ago that I had brushed off until now. I was at a bar with some friends for a couple of Friday after-work drinks, and a guy approached me.

Speaker 1 He was there with some friends too. He looked slightly familiar, but I hadn't met him before.
He seemed friendly enough, and he asked me, quote, my name, right?

Speaker 1 I think I might have just given him a confused look because he followed up with, quote, I'm Jake. I work with Josh.
I realized that I recognized him from some photos on my husband's phone.

Speaker 1 I don't use social media except for a private Instagram, so I'm not sure if he posted the photos anywhere. But we've got a very trusting relationship, so I look in his photos sometimes.
Don't hate me.

Speaker 1 This is where it gets a bit embarrassing. I'm a bit socially awkward, and so I struggled to end the conversation, but he kept just talking at me.

Speaker 1 I guess he was already a couple of beers deep, but while he was talking, he said something like,

Speaker 1 It's great that you guys are still so close. I haven't talked to my brother in ages.

Speaker 1 At the time, I was like, huh?

Speaker 1 But I just assumed he was drunk and not making sense. So I ignored it.
He started to get a little flirty, so I turned to my friends and we left shortly after that.

Speaker 1 I didn't say anything to them about it, and it didn't seem like a big deal to me.

Speaker 1 I also decided to not tell my husband that I had met his coworker Jake, not to hide it, but because I figured the guy wouldn't even remember talking to me.

Speaker 1 And I didn't want to make it awkward for Josh at work by telling him his colleague tried to hit on me. I just thought.
Wait, when did he try to hit on her? He was being flirty. Oh.

Speaker 1 I just thought, no harm, no foul. But yesterday morning, I was out walking our dog, Monty.
He's a cross between a few breeds and has very unique markings. This matters, I promise.

Speaker 1 And I was on my way to my regular cafe, which is in town. I was waiting in line to order, and the guy in front of me was an older man.

Speaker 1 He got his coffee and turned around, but stopped and looked at my dog and goes, Hello, Monty.

Speaker 1 Monty was super excited to see him. Apparently, and so I guessed that this guy was another colleague of Josh's because Josh brings the dog to the office a couple of times a week.

Speaker 1 I thought it was sweet to be honest, so I smiled at him and said, Hi. He introduced himself.
I guessed correctly that he was a colleague, but then he said something like,

Speaker 1 Aren't you a good sister walking his dog for him? No way.

Speaker 1 I was so confused that I didn't even know how to react at first. What the fuck? So I stumbled on my words and just said, quote, it's my dog.

Speaker 1 I regret it, but I genuinely couldn't bring myself to correct him and say that I'm Josh's wife and not his sister. It was just too awkward.

Speaker 1 And I just wanted to leave because I think it was suddenly dawning on me what might have been going on. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 He asked me something about sharing a dog, but I was able to escape the conversation by being next in line to order my coffee, and he left. I seriously don't know what to do because what the fuck?

Speaker 1 Oh my God. Do I even ask my husband about this?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Part of me is just assuming or hoping that it's a mistake, that he doesn't talk about me much at work and they assume we are related because we both have brown hair.

Speaker 1 Question mark, question mark, question mark. But the thought that he has been telling his coworkers that I'm his sister and evidently they have seen what I look like.

Speaker 1 So they must have seen photos makes my stomach churn. I don't even know how I would broach the subject with him.
I need some help. What would you guys do in this situation?

Speaker 1 I have only told one friend what happened because it's so weird and embarrassing. And she has jumped straight to quote time to plot his downfall because she's my ride or die and I love her.

Speaker 1 But I don't want to immediately assume the worst or ruin my marriage over something that could be nothing. I'm sorry for the long and rambly post, but I would really appreciate all and any advice.

Speaker 1 I think you should end the marriage based off the fact that you don't even feel like you could talk to him about this. Like, what? How are you even questioning, like, should I even say something?

Speaker 1 Of course, you should say something.

Speaker 1 If you don't feel comfortable saying something to him, then, like, I don't know what is going on because, like, even if you think that it's a mistake, how would you not bring it up?

Speaker 1 Anyway, do you know what I'm saying? I'm distraught. I'm fucking just distraught.
I would, and maybe this is just because I'm honestly way too much of a yapper with my partner. Like city.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like yap city business. I say way too much.
So like I would have immediately said, I sorry your coworker. So like that also could just be because like at different personalities and whatnot.

Speaker 1 So but I'm like, I just don't understand like how you don't feel comfortable like asking him about this, about this. Like

Speaker 1 I would go, I would call immediately and be like, what's going on? Why does everyone think I'm your sister? Yes. Do you have a work wife? Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you go out with all these coworkers, they think you're you're single. You've worked there now for how many years? You're clearly.
Three years?

Speaker 1 Oh. He has worked at a large accounting firm for three years.

Speaker 1 So every time you go out with all these coworkers and colleagues,

Speaker 1 they think you're single.

Speaker 1 What are you doing? That is insane. Did you lie and say I'm your sister because you were flirting on some of the times you went out with them? And they were like, dude, aren't you married?

Speaker 1 No, that's my sister.

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. I was thinking this was like a new job.
I missed that. Like, I thought it was a few months in.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, maybe there is a chance that they just saw his Instagram and just thought, oh, same last name. They look similar, siblings.

Speaker 1 But you don't work somewhere for three years, go out after work, and like have social time and not mention that you have a wife.

Speaker 1 So angry.

Speaker 1 Dude, why? This is, there's got to be like,

Speaker 1 obviously, there's only two ways out of this. He's either cheating, has been cheating, or he got caught in just this weird thing.
And like, that was the only way forward.

Speaker 1 But the only way forward after this is you got to find a new job because you look like a psychopath saying, My wife is my sister.

Speaker 1 How do you all of a sudden tell your coworkers, hey, sorry, guys, I'm actually lying. That's my wife.
Yeah. How do you flip the narrative? Like, you got to quit.
You literally got to quit.

Speaker 1 You got to move. You got to, you to go into wit sec.

Speaker 1 I,

Speaker 1 okay, let's get into this. Let's go.
Top comment: walk up to him and ask directly, quote, Why are you telling your colleagues that I'm your sister?

Speaker 1 Sorry, but this is nothing where you beat around the bush. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 And I think you do make an amazing point where if you feel like you can't even confront him and talk to him about this, you got bigger fish to fry. Yeah,

Speaker 1 truly.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Next comment. Yep.
Also, it's only awkward because you think you own some shame in this OP and you don't. Just be frank.
I'm his wife, not his sister. This is my dog.

Speaker 1 It's not awkward to tell the truth. It will be for Josh because he is a lying jerk, but that's not yours to manage.
This would not make me feel safe with my spouse.

Speaker 1 He set you up to be hit on by his coworkers this way. It's not okay at all.
That is the least of my worries.

Speaker 1 Let the coworkers hit on me. Yeah.
Why is he telling them I'm his sister in the first place? Let them hit on me. I'm single now.

Speaker 1 Hey, Jake.

Speaker 1 Hey, buddy. Oh my gosh.
What? Yeah. This is like the most convenient way to cheat.
She doesn't have social media.

Speaker 1 She doesn't want to go out with his friends or meet any of his colleagues, which also after three years, girl, girl, you should have been at least at one of them being supportive and engaging.

Speaker 1 It's healthy to have separate circles, but also like after three years of not meeting any of those work people,

Speaker 1 what about the holiday parties? Right. No, and I understand being shy and being okay with having the separate friend groups, but I would definitely agree.

Speaker 1 I think that it would be healthy to meet people that your significant other spends so much time with. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. We have an update.

Speaker 1 Well, an edit. Oh.

Speaker 1 Holy fuck. Thanks, everyone who commented.
A small update. Josh came home at 2.30 a.m.

Speaker 1 last night, but he was so drunk he just went straight to sleep, which is fine by me because fuck having this conversation in that state. I've just woken up, but he's still sleeping.

Speaker 1 First thing I just want to clear up.

Speaker 1 I've seen a lot of people suggesting I have crippling social anxiety or I'm severely introverted, which I suppose you could gleam from the way I explained what happened, but I'm not.

Speaker 1 It meant that I'm slightly introverted in that I'm not the most eager to meet lots of new people at once, especially a bunch of finance bros whose weekends consist of unending sports bar beers, where I assume I would be mansplaining to everything until my ears bleed.

Speaker 1 Probably a negative assumption, but I'm sure a lot of you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 I suppose you could say that I'm confrontation averse and that I'm quite laid back and prefer to keep a conversation easy and positive. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't like it when things are awkward and correcting when people misrecognize me is one of those things, but I'm not terrified of confrontation. Also, my husband and I do share some mutual friends.

Speaker 1 I didn't explain that well, but our lives are not entirely separate. The way he acts towards me around our mutual friends is extremely affectionate and normal.

Speaker 1 It is only his work friends that I have never interacted with.

Speaker 1 I've also seen some people suggest that what is going on is equivalent to my husband abusing me and me hopelessly wondering whether I should break up with him, or that I'm stupid for thinking my relationship was healthy when it clearly isn't.

Speaker 1 Like, damn, cut me some slack. I'm a real person, and this is an entirely alien and bizarre situation for me.

Speaker 1 My first reaction wasn't to assume the worst, but I do appreciate that you all have made me certain that this is a big deal.

Speaker 1 I guess I needed confirmation that the things happened are enough proof that Josh has been purposefully lying and they weren't just mix-ups. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm going to talk to him today and ask him directly why he's telling his coworkers that I'm his sister.

Speaker 1 I followed the advice of writing my points down so that they don't get lost if I get emotional, LOL.

Speaker 1 I will do my best not to let him slither out of it, and I hope he has some proof that his colleagues know I'm his wife.

Speaker 1 There's none. I know that's not the theatrical confrontation you guys were hoping for, but it's a Saturday and I can't wait.
Wish me luck. Thank you all.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 I just thought of a funny way to confront him. What? Go into work bringing a cake that says, happy anniversary, baby.
I love you. with balloons and everything.
And a picture on the cake of you two.

Speaker 1 Of their wedding photo.

Speaker 1 You need to. Embarrassing.
You need to.

Speaker 1 You absolutely need to. Let me check the account because that is not the end.
I'm not satisfied. I'm not okay.

Speaker 1 Is there an update?

Speaker 1 Shit, I'm so happy. Hi, everyone.
I just want to say thank you for the overwhelming amount of support and advice. I'm blown away.
It really means a lot. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 I actually tried to update on Saturday, but it turns out the suburb date doesn't allow me to post an update until 48 hours after my first post.

Speaker 1 I'm also only allowed to update to post one single update, so I'll try to fit as much here as I can. Sorry if it's long and it might, oh my god, it's so long.
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 You were doing good speaking fast. I like this.
I'm so sorry how long it might end up getting. I'll just get right into it.
On Saturday morning, I woke up earlier than my husband.

Speaker 1 He was very hungover, so he was sleeping like a rock. But you guys will be proud of me because I followed some advice and decided to look through his phone properly while he was sleeping.

Speaker 1 I've been on his phone so often just pissing around on it that I never thought to check anything very deeply. I know his passcode by heart, though.

Speaker 1 I checked all the expected things, like Instagram DMs, Facebook messenger, his iMessage, etc., and I didn't find anything that set off alarm bells to me.

Speaker 1 But I know from some comments that people who are cheating are good at covering their tracks and hiding messages, so I kept looking around.

Speaker 1 I saw he had a folder called work, so I looked in there, and he had a couple of Microsoft apps: Outlook, Authenticator, OneNote, etc. But he also had Microsoft Teams.

Speaker 1 So I opened that up and looked around. It did feel like I might have been breaking laws, looking at his work messages, but I obviously had to.

Speaker 1 Anyways, I was already upset to see that he had a bunch of one-on-one chats with several female coworkers, which at first glance is obviously not an issue because everyone works with people of the opposite gender and are required to communicate with them.

Speaker 1 But a couple of them were vaguely flirty, nothing I would call egregious, but there would be the occasional message between them with some playful innuendo or a wink emoji.

Speaker 1 These upset me, obviously, and they did send me into a bit of a spiral, but I didn't find anything that suggested he was having an out-and-out affair with any of them.

Speaker 1 Still, I followed someone's suggestion of screenshotted the messages and I airdropped them to myself.

Speaker 1 I still wanted some evidence of the lie, though, some proof of Josh telling someone that I was his sister directly.

Speaker 1 A commenter suggested that I go through his messages and search for the keyword sister. I wanted to reply to your comment and say thank you for the idea, but the post was locked, so I couldn't.

Speaker 1 But thank you. So I searched for sis on his MS Teams, hoping to find both results for sister and sis.

Speaker 1 A bunch of messages from all hands group chat or one-on-one chats came up from other people, all unrelated and all about their own sisters or whatever.

Speaker 1 But my heart dropped out of my ass, lol when I saw there was a direct message from Jake, the guy from the bar, to Josh from a Monday a few months ago.

Speaker 1 Jake's message said, quote, ran into your sister at the bar on Friday. She's single, right?

Speaker 1 And my husband had the fucking gull to reply, quote, nah, she's married.

Speaker 1 What the fuck? Freak.

Speaker 1 Absolute freak. I literally almost burst into flames on the spot when I saw that.
I can't even describe how much I was shaking after reading those messages.

Speaker 1 Firstly, that I could have confronted Josh about this months ago. I was and still am so furious at myself for that.

Speaker 1 Josh would have been fucking praying I didn't remember seeing Jake or that I wouldn't mention it, and he would have been counting his lucky stars that I never did.

Speaker 1 He probably thought he was hot shit for getting away with that. And I nearly burnt a hole through the fucking floor thinking about it.

Speaker 1 But secondly, I was just in shock that he had the balls to tell this guy that I'm the one who is married because he doesn't want anyone having it on with me.

Speaker 1 But he is allowed to coily flirt with every fucking woman in the office.

Speaker 1 Anyways, I kept going back through the search results on his MS teams and eventually I got as far back as two-ish years ago and I did in fact find a message from Josh himself to a group chat.

Speaker 1 It said, quote, me and sis in Nusadua. I clicked on that and saw that he had sent it alongside a bunch of photos in him and I from our holiday to Bali.
We went to Bali for our second anniversary.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, he's a fucking freak.

Speaker 1 I thought he probably chose those photos because he's shirtless and had been working out. So he looked hot and all of them.
I was in tears seeing all of this, obviously.

Speaker 1 I took screenshots of those two and airdropped all of the screenshots to myself. Needless to say, I'm devastated and still am.

Speaker 1 To see all of that,

Speaker 1 I'm still struggling to even process it all. But that all happened on Saturday morning, and I immediately took myself to my friend's house.
I'll call her Sophie.

Speaker 1 I went to her place to cry it all out and show her what I found. And she was extremely supportive and probably more furious furious than me, lol.

Speaker 1 At around 1:30 p.m., I got a phone call from Josh, and I hung it up immediately. He sent me a few messages along the lines of,

Speaker 1 Where are you, baby? I'm ordering food. Want some? Oh my god, I'm gonna throw up.
Sad to not wake up next to you this morning, sad face.

Speaker 1 Guys, I have to reiterate how much I loved this man and how fucking heart-wrenching it was to see him still acting like nothing had gone wrong.

Speaker 1 It took so much willpower to not just pretend none of it had ever happened and go home to him.

Speaker 1 I know a lot of you will yell at me or accuse me of being terrified of confronting him about this, which is not true. Please have some empathy.

Speaker 1 It takes me time to process my emotions and I wouldn't have even been able to form a sentence if I tried to confront him immediately after seeing those messages.

Speaker 1 I needed some time away with Sophie to recollect myself and so I stayed the night at her place. She ordered us Chinese and she helped me plan how I would confront him.

Speaker 1 I got a bunch of more texts and calls from him as the evening progressed, and I eventually put my phone on Do Not Disturb.

Speaker 1 Sunday morning, I woke up feeling more angry than sad, so I opened my phone and finally replied to his messages, coming home now, need to talk.

Speaker 1 I kept it cryptic to make him squirm, to be honest, because I was slash am fraught with emotions. I can't remember the entire conversation word for word, but I'll try to replay it as best I can.

Speaker 1 Long story short, I got home and he tried to hug me, but I refused him and we just stood in the kitchen. I did confront him like someone suggested, and I just said,

Speaker 1 Why have you been telling your coworkers I'm your sister?

Speaker 1 I wish it would have been like a movie scene where the color drained from his face or he immediately looked like a deer in headlights, but he didn't.

Speaker 1 It was like he had been girding himself for this confrontation for a while.

Speaker 1 Because for three years.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 to practice.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Because he just frowned at me and looked flabbergasted. He just said, huh?

Speaker 1 This made me so

Speaker 1 angry. How are you going to pretend to be stupid after three years of lying? I basically said, don't fucking play dumb.

Speaker 1 Two of your coworkers have greeted me as your sister, and I have proof of you telling them. And I know you're pretending to be single.
Essentially, I asked him what he had to say for himself. He

Speaker 1 still played stupid. Of course he fucking did.

Speaker 1 He became moderately defensive and just kept saying, I don't know what you're talking about, or why would I lie about you?

Speaker 1 Ew, there's nothing that pisses me off more than someone who gets caught in their bullshit and then doubles down on it. I cannot.

Speaker 1 When we have proof, too. Literally, it's right here.
Are you okay? Like, it gets worse.

Speaker 1 I cannot describe how furious I was at this point, but I was in tears. I always cry when I'm angry.
Same sis. So he was trying to comfort me as I was having some kind of a rational breakdown.

Speaker 1 I showed him the screenshots of his messages saying, me and sis. And I said something like, you tell me.
He just said, quote, I don't know what I'm looking at. And quote, I'm confused.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. I got so angry that I left again and went back to Sophie's because it felt like a dead end road.
I didn't think I was going to get him to admit to anything.

Speaker 1 And I was just getting so furious, I couldn't continue.

Speaker 1 He was really upset and in tears, which to me was evidence that he knew he was lying and that he was going to have to come up with some explanation.

Speaker 1 He tried to get me to stay, but I told him that until you have something to say for yourself, we've got nothing to talk about. At like 8:30-ish, he called me again, and I did pick up.

Speaker 1 He basically asked for us to talk, and he said he has some things to say. So I went back to our apartment.

Speaker 1 He had written out a bunch of stuff on a piece of paper as if he had prepared a speech and sat me down on the couch. He asked me not to say anything while he was explaining himself.

Speaker 1 I'll write down the gist of what he said in bullet points.

Speaker 1 Bullet point number one: he started apologizing relentlessly and admitting that he pretended to be stupid before because he couldn't immediately think of something to say for himself.

Speaker 1 Number two, he said that immediately after he started his job, he realized the atmosphere was like a frat house.

Speaker 1 All of his team members were men in their 20s and 30s and that were single and fuckboys.

Speaker 1 He noticed that the one guy in their team that was married would either get picked on or essentially excluded from any and all social interactions.

Speaker 1 That included getting lunch, inside jokes, going out on Friday, et cetera. These guys were friendly and welcoming to Josh, and he admitted that he was desperate to fit in with them.

Speaker 1 He hated feeling like fresh meat, so he was scared that saying he was married would alienate him from his coworkers, and at first just never mentioned that he was married.

Speaker 1 He said he did wear his wedding ring and that they just never pointed it out. Bullet point number three: a few months in, they were all out drinking after work.

Speaker 1 He admitted that after one of his workmates saw pictures of him and I on his lock screen, they asked him who I was. And in a moment of panic, he said, my sister.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 This is like a movie.

Speaker 1 I'm so uncomfortable on this chair right now.

Speaker 1 He was really apologetic at this point and he was crying a lot. He couldn't even look at me and he was just reading what he had written down.

Speaker 1 Anyways, he said from then on, he basically dug himself a deeper and deeper grave because they just kept grilling him about me and wanting to see more pictures of me.

Speaker 1 He said he had let it go on too long and that he, quote, didn't have the balls to admit the lie. Dude, if this is true, this is so embarrassing.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 They would always bring me up and ask shit like, quote, did you give her my number yet? or joke that they had slept with me, etc.

Speaker 1 And this guy just had to keep going with this stupid ass lie. Can you?

Speaker 1 Oh my God. Can you imagine? I almost feel bad for him.

Speaker 1 It's pathetic.

Speaker 1 Like, if this is true, this is so pathetic. It's like actually funny.

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 1 The fact that they would taunt him about hooking up with her. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Wow. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 So when he got that message from Jake, he essentially thought it was just him taking the piss.

Speaker 1 Oh, like making a joke. I've ran into your, into your sis, hitting on her kind of thing.
But he didn't like the jokes they were making about me and said that I was married in hopes they would stop.

Speaker 1 They didn't. He said that this wasn't the first time he told them I was married.
In fact, he had said so pretty much immediately after saying I was his sister.

Speaker 1 He said those pictures of us in Nusa Dua were the only pictures he had purposefully sent them and deliberately lied about after what he called an endless barrage of pestering from his colleagues to share the pics from his holiday, he said he was really ashamed that he did that.

Speaker 1 He told me that he had never had an affair or even considered it, that the messages between him and his female colleagues were banter and that it was commonplace to talk to people like that in the office.

Speaker 1 He also said he knows how disgusting it is and he is embarrassed to have been acting like a fuckboy. Again, his word.

Speaker 1 He concluded his speech by apologizing again and said that he was disgusted with himself and ashamed that he had lied for so long, but felt like he had trapped himself and that he couldn't find a way to get himself out of it.

Speaker 1 This would make it even more funny if she showed up with like a happy anniversary balloon and

Speaker 1 well, gigs up now.

Speaker 1 He said he knows he could have confessed the truth to either his coworkers or to me at any point, that he didn't because he was a coward.

Speaker 1 He said that he'll confess to his entire office that he lied and that I am his wife and not his sister if I want him to. He said that you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He said that he will quit his job without a word if it will make me feel better and that he hopes I can forgive him, but he understands if I can't. Is it weird that I believe him? I fully believe him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like it makes a little too much sense for me not to believe him. Call me stupid.
Call me gullible, but I believe this dumbass.

Speaker 1 Anyways, I couldn't really think of anything to say at this point. He went to lock himself in the bathroom and I just sat on the couch crying.

Speaker 1 I still don't know if I can trust trust what he said, and a lie that extreme is just baffling to me. If he can lie like that for so long, what else could he be lying about?

Speaker 1 But his explanation and apologies seemed so sincere and genuine, and I guess to an extent what he said is believable.

Speaker 1 He has always been extroverted and very susceptible to peer pressure, especially from other blokes. If nothing else, to me, it's a sign of shocking immaturity.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyways, I packed a bag and went back to Sophie's, and I'm still at her place as I'm writing this. She said I can stay as long as I need to.

Speaker 1 I told Josh that I needed time away from him to think about everything and whether or not I believe him or whether I can trust him again.

Speaker 1 He told me to take as long as I needed and that he will be there when or if I get back. He said, even if it takes a year.

Speaker 1 Right now, nothing feels real. I'm still dealing with the emotional whiplash from all of this, and I can't keep food down or think about anything.

Speaker 1 I've taken the day off of work, and Josh told me he's going to take the whole week off. Sophie and my other friends have told me not to make a decision or anything until my head is clear.

Speaker 1 I spoke to my parents this morning and my mom says it's just a bump in the road. But she and my dad adore Josh, so they're pretty biased, lol.
That's where I'm at right now.

Speaker 1 I'll take some time before I consider my next steps. I can't say whether I'm leaning towards forgiveness or divorce, but those are really the only options.
I kind of feel lost in a void at the moment.

Speaker 1 That's probably the best way to describe it. Just emptiness.
Thanks again for all of of your advice and support. I'm truly so grateful.

Speaker 1 And having this place to write down all of my thoughts has been helpful to get my mind a little clearer. Oh, good.
This will be my last update unless I make an edit to clear things up. All the best.

Speaker 1 This is crazy because, like, my first thought was just leave. She an asshole.
And now I'm like, therapy. Therapy.

Speaker 1 Josh needs to grow a little bit. Yeah.
I mean, it's still, I wouldn't blame her if she wanted to leave him, but at the same time, I don't know. I, I say it's worth, I say it's worth a chance.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And maybe this is also just me, but like, there's something about somebody offering to make these changes.

Speaker 1 Like the fact that he's like, I will leave my job without any questions asked immediately, like if you would like me to.

Speaker 1 That makes me feel like they're even though clearly both of them lack transparency in their relationship because they haven't communicated on a lot of things that would have just been easier to talk about, like right away.

Speaker 1 But I think, like, the fact that there sounds like there's respect in the relationship that we can work with. Yeah.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 feel a little goofy for believing him, but I really do. I think,

Speaker 1 especially with guys and that broy, frat house, frat boy mentality, there is so much toxicity within that culture.

Speaker 1 I think a finance world would be very tough. And

Speaker 1 I don't want to give him an easy out because, like, oh, how pathetic. No, is he? It's bad.
It's still bad. It's really bad.
But I can see why you would want to fit in.

Speaker 1 And I think there's a study that literally, it's interesting that he felt the negative consequences of being married or like perceived being married to be negative.

Speaker 1 But I'm pretty sure there's a study that shows that married men make more, like married men get more promotions.

Speaker 1 So that to me is interesting. But he saw it firsthand with this other coworker who was basically ostracized for being married.
And he still got bullied for a hot sister. So it's like, he couldn't win.

Speaker 1 Like, it was almost probably worse for him getting hazed about his hot sister. I fucked your sister.
Yeah. I met your sister at a bar.
Like, he probably dug himself the worst hole. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's once you, and then

Speaker 1 if he said that in like a panic of a moment, it's my sister. Once you say that, you can't go back, you can't reverse that.
No, and so that's why it's like you're in it.

Speaker 1 Wow, oh my God, it's just it's brutal. Yeah, I think this one is salvageable.
Yeah, I feel like I need to really sit here and decompress after this one, especially, but like it does feel salvaged

Speaker 1 salvageable with couples therapy. And like, I do think he either needs to come clean,

Speaker 1 but honestly, if this was my husband,

Speaker 1 I would just like,

Speaker 1 I think you need to get a new job. And at that new job,

Speaker 1 obviously, you start with a wife.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine if they just make, like, they make fun of people for having a cute sister? Can you imagine how much they would bully him for having a sister that turned into a wife?

Speaker 1 His career, I genuinely think if he came clean about it, I think his career would be

Speaker 1 over.

Speaker 1 But here's the over. This is the weird thing, though, because it's like we don't live in times where things are very separate.

Speaker 1 We're online, we have a lot of mutuals, there's a lot of connections, specifically in certain industries. So if this guy goes to a new company,

Speaker 1 it wouldn't be that crazy if other people are like, oh, yeah, him and his hot sister. And then, and then it just starts all over again.
Like, I feel like he needs to come clean and then leave.

Speaker 1 I feel like the big accounting world firm is actually pretty small. Like, Justin's stepdad works at one of like the bigger accounting firms.

Speaker 1 And, like, people move to the big ones all the time. There's like the big, the big three or the big four.
I don't know, like Deloitte and all those big firms, but like

Speaker 1 people get poached to like go to different firms. So, like, there's definitely going to be some overlap someway.
Like, the Venn diagram, there's going to be at least one person.

Speaker 1 And I think what you're describing. Oh, yeah, yeah, his sister.
No, if that's his wife, boo-boo-boo, yeah,

Speaker 1 it's gonna happen.

Speaker 1 But I think he will have better odds moving to a new firm versus,

Speaker 1 you know, so for the past three years, I've been lying to you all because I wanted to fit in, and they're gonna eat him alive. Literally, they would eat him alive.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, Josh, I wish you luck. Wish you luck.
But I think they sound really cute.

Speaker 1 Like his little messages in the morning. I'm like, ah,

Speaker 1 yeah. I wish I would have woken up with you, sad face.
I know. I think it's definitely worth a shot to continue and see it through.
Yeah. At least, at least see it through.
Try therapy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And God, if that, if I feel like people are yelling at us through the screen, leave, dump him, divorce. But I don't know.
Like, I'm a hopeless romantic. And this one does seem like he's just a big

Speaker 1 oaf.

Speaker 1 I mean, I feel like people sometimes don't like when we say leave too

Speaker 1 soon. It's not about you guys, it's about what I think today.

Speaker 1 So, I think that

Speaker 1 I think it's good to switch it up and be like, stay in a situation where we didn't think that she should at first. Let us know what you think in the comments.
Let us know.

Speaker 1 That is all I got. Okay.
All I got.

Speaker 1 Amazing. Wow.
Was that a good episode or what?

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.
Thank you guys so much for joining us. I am just blown away to have you all here and this show.

Speaker 1 If you want more of these stories, there are going to be some doozies from this theme. So head over to Patreon.
It's going to be really, really good.

Speaker 1 Lauren, you already know all the stories we've encountered today. What did you think of this assortment?

Speaker 1 Some made me like really energized, and some made me the opposite. So, it's quite the assortment.
It's a doozy, y'all. But thank you again.
Head over to Patreon.

Speaker 1 Check out the link in our description for tour tickets. Love you all.
Have a good rest of your day. Workout, cleaning, drive, walk,

Speaker 1 horse ride,

Speaker 1 trot, trot, canter.

Speaker 1 Until next time. Until next time.
Bye. Bye.

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