181: Drop a Pin, Buttercup.. Ft. Hannah Berner

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Speaker 1 I love having you.

Speaker 2 I love being here.

Speaker 1 Oh, every time you come into the studio, I just feel like I'm like,

Speaker 1 you're like my emotional support person. I feel like you see me on some of the worst days.

Speaker 1 Like truly, like the last time you saw me, I was having a mental breakdown from hell.

Speaker 2 And it's so funny because

Speaker 2 you're so Midwest. So you have such a cheery, just overall vibe that I'm always like, she's the happiest person I've ever met.

Speaker 1 You know, some days, some days.

Speaker 2 No, you're the, I also think you're so interesting because you literally look like a like, just like a cute cartoon character who's always happy.

Speaker 2 But then you have like so many other sides to you that are like fascinating.

Speaker 1 I love you. You're just like the ultimate little hype girl.
You're a horse superhero. I know.
Hannah met the ponies today.

Speaker 2 I met the ponies. Gorgeous.

Speaker 1 Gave them a couple carrots.

Speaker 1 They were real happy about that.

Speaker 2 I love, I feel like, talk about emotional therapy animals. Yeah.
Are they smarter than us?

Speaker 1 I, I don't know. They're very motivated by food.

Speaker 1 They're really smart. They're really smart and they're really emotional.
Horses are really emotional. Wait, that's so funny.
They know when you're sad. Oh.
And they just like cuddle.

Speaker 2 Are they moody?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Very sassy.

Speaker 2 Like, they're like, I woke up on the wrong side of the hay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, actually.

Speaker 1 Actually, like they're, they're sassy little things. I love it.

Speaker 1 Hi, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes.
I'm your host, Morgan. Today we are joined by the amazing Hannah Burner.

Speaker 2 Thank you for having me again. No, I hope you all aren't sick of me.
It's a bit

Speaker 1 invite.

Speaker 2 I have opinions.

Speaker 1 Opinions.

Speaker 1 Amazing comedy special out right now. Thank you.
I literally, I went to go watch it and it was like number two. And I was like, fuck yes.

Speaker 2 You never know with these algorithms. You really never know.

Speaker 1 You are doing so well. Oh my God.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 Well, Netflix is also weird because I saw it charting and I was like, wait, is it just my algorithm that's charting?

Speaker 1 Or like, are other people seeing it? It was number two in the world. Crazy.
Insane. But so, so deserved.
Like, Hannah works harder than probably anyone I know. Like, non-stop, go, go, go.

Speaker 1 Multiple podcasts. You have giggly squad front.

Speaker 2 You can't catch on my thoughts. I think it's once you find something that's fun, you're like, okay, let's just, let's roll it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because

Speaker 2 otherwise, I feel like I have no purpose. I love a to-do list.
I love checking. Even if it's little things, check that shit off.
I know.

Speaker 1 I went to Home Depot and had a list of items. And I was like, oh, shovel, yep, hook, check.
I sound like I'm going to kill someone.

Speaker 1 I'm like, what the body are you burying? But it just felt so good. I'm like, okay, this is what it feels like.

Speaker 2 It's literally better than sex is like cross that shit. I'll just write a little thing to just cross it off and be like, oh, she's just accomplishing things.

Speaker 1 I need to do that. Gave horse carrot check.
Yes. Like little things, make it attainable.
Yeah. I love that.

Speaker 1 Today's theme, I mean, your whole special and everything you've been doing lately is like very for the girls, for the people. people.
We ride at dawn.

Speaker 1 Like, you are just there about like helping the people. Like, you, you know.
So, today's theme I have for you is: drop a pin.

Speaker 1 So, these are people that they might need our help. They got to drop a pin, or, you know, I want to be in on the fun too.
I want to see that freak out. So, drop the pin.

Speaker 1 We're going to, we're going to roll up.

Speaker 2 Let's do it. We ride at dawn for them.

Speaker 1 We ride at dawn. Let's go.
Let's dive in.

Speaker 1 Okay, this first one is coming from Am I the Asshole. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Returning My Wife's Shoes?

Speaker 1 My wife was at the doctor's office for our baby's two-week checkup when I stumbled upon new purchases in her closet, as in shoes, flip-flops, sandals, etc., that looked pretty close to the ones she already had in the closet that she had bought earlier this year in preparation, I guess, for summer, except that the shoes were much bigger than the ones that she had had previously.

Speaker 1 This is our first baby, and to be honest, what I noticed more than anything is the fact that her feet have gotten swollen, wider, and longer as the pregnancy progressed.

Speaker 1 It has been a big mood killer for me, and it's made worse by the fact that my mom compares pregnancy feet to a loaf of bread, and I can only visualize her feet like that now.

Speaker 1 But more than that, my mom said that feet are supposed to shrink after pregnancy and that weight loss is a big part of it.

Speaker 1 So I was upset that my wife just spent all this money on new shoes when she barely goes anywhere outside of either her bedroom or our baby's room and should be gunning for weight loss instead of throwing in the towel.

Speaker 1 I thought that it was an impulse purchase that in the end was going to waste money and disincentivize her to lose weight and look for solutions for her swollen feet.

Speaker 1 As a result, I ended up taking the shoes back and getting refunds. Now my wife is pissed and I feel like she's just going to refuse to lose weight out of spite.
Am I the asshole?

Speaker 1 I can't help feeling not attracted to her, and unfortunately, the state of her feet is something I notice very clearly. And I'm also still mad that she used my money without permission.

Speaker 1 And I'm tempted to cut up the credit cards she uses if she's going to impulse buy.

Speaker 1 So, am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 I need to throw that computer across the room. I'm enraged.
I don't know if I've ever been so one-sided on one of these.

Speaker 1 Let's go. Pop off, girl.

Speaker 2 I have so many questions. There's so many red flags.
Why are you talking to your mom that much? Why are you a grown man asking your mom all these questions about your wife's feet? That's insane.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 2 when your wife just birthed your child and wants

Speaker 2 two-week old baby

Speaker 2 and wants to feel comfortable walking around. Also, okay, I get it if they were like Louis Vuitton.
I don't think they were Louis Vuitton.

Speaker 1 They sound like target flip-flops.

Speaker 2 I i just want to say louis vuitton they're they're deaf i'm i'm giving maybe 50 max you should be doing everything you can to make your wife feel as comfortable as possible she didn't go behind your back and she might have been a little embarrassed and also swollen feet is not the same as like losing weight it's retention from the pregnancy

Speaker 2 let's go We ride at dawn for this woman.

Speaker 1 How many times did he mention weight?

Speaker 1 It was crazy. She's lose weight.
I hope she's not disincentivized to not lose weight now. She's going to not lose weight out of spite.

Speaker 2 It's giving like he has like a weird foot fetish, right? That. Well, his whole like they're longer.
They're what? My husband doesn't even notice if I get a pedicure.

Speaker 1 Also, if you're worried about her, her feet being swollen, massage them. Massage them.
Retrograde massage, baby.

Speaker 1 Come on. Like be a participant in this.

Speaker 2 Also, like thinking of worrying the most about your wife's feet. when you've just had two babies.
It's like, thank God she's healthy. Thank God the, I hope the babies are healthy.

Speaker 2 There's so many more things if we're going to be worried about something. I'm really not happy with this meon.

Speaker 1 No, the other part that really irks me is the financial abuse comment. I'm mad that she spent my money on this.
No, sir.

Speaker 1 If you have a stay-at-home wife and you're choosing to have your partner stay home to take care of your child,

Speaker 1 that is your money.

Speaker 1 The financial abuse, and I'm sorry, if my partner cut up a credit card because I bought a couple pairs of shoes, divorce.

Speaker 2 Also, imagine dealing with this, like coming home from having a baby and being like, oh, where's my sandals?

Speaker 1 That's what my sandals are.

Speaker 2 And he's like, I went out and returned.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 In that time, you could have massaged my feet and done whatever freaky shit you want to do to my feet because clearly that's all you're obsessing about.

Speaker 1 All he sees are loaves of bread.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 he doesn't like a loaf of bread.

Speaker 2 What's wrong with you, sir? I love bread. Get out some bread and butter and let's go.

Speaker 1 I would take a baguette right now.

Speaker 1 With some buffalo butter.

Speaker 1 Have you had buffalo butter? No.

Speaker 1 The best butter there ever is.

Speaker 2 Like from buffalo?

Speaker 1 Yeah, apparently they can milk those things.

Speaker 2 Well, next thing I know, you're going to have a buffalo in your backyard with the two horses.

Speaker 1 Honestly, don't put it past me. Don't put it past me.
I want a donkey.

Speaker 2 Are you literally not like buffalo sauce butter?

Speaker 1 No, like buffalo.

Speaker 2 Because that's some white trash ship. Tatongo.

Speaker 1 Buffalo sauce butter. Buffalo.
Oh. Yeah.
Cool. I don't know.
I'm into it. I don't know how they get it, but

Speaker 1 it can be done.

Speaker 2 It can be done. Okay, now we're hungry.
But no, I'm like really, I'm like at divorce level with that man. I am too.

Speaker 1 I think there's a lot of concerning red flags. And I do think if you are concerned about your wife's feet, like talk to her, buy her a pedicure, do something about it.

Speaker 1 But like, people's feet don't usually get smaller. Like, I don't know if this is like.

Speaker 2 My feet get bigger in the summer just because it's hot out.

Speaker 1 That. And the more you work on your feet, like your feet do change over time.
Like when I was a flight attendant and I was on my feet non-stop or working retail, my feet did change.

Speaker 1 They got a little bigger. I went up a half-size.

Speaker 2 I also would love to see his fucking feet.

Speaker 1 They probably look disgusting.

Speaker 2 I'd say your fucking hairy toe knuckle.

Speaker 2 I have a hairy toe knuckle.

Speaker 1 I am Italian. I one time went to a pedicure spot and the lady just started tweezing my toe hair on solicited.

Speaker 2 See, I love that. I'd be like, thank you.
I mean, painted. I was so embarrassed.
But I love that she didn't ask. That was nice of her.
She didn't want to embarrass me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she didn't want to say it out loud. I'll get a lot of like, I'll be getting a facial and they're like, do you want me to get a little bit of your mustache off? And I said, yes, ma'am.

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh. Those chin hairs, they come in like a belly goat.
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 I had a joke that I said. I was like, live life like a chin hair.
When someone tries to take you out, come back stronger than ever.

Speaker 1 If that isn't accurate. Wait, right, I don't.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I need that on a t-shirt.
Yes,

Speaker 1 or a coffee mug. It's so motivational.
It is motivational. Because, like, they will come back stronger every time.
And darker. Darker.
They started out blonde, now they're black.

Speaker 2 And then TikTok tries to tell you you have like a hormonal imbalance. I'm like, no, I think I'm just a girl with

Speaker 2 a chin hair that I get to play with when I'm like spacing out.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. I know.
And if I find it when I'm driving, I just sit there and I just try to the whole car ride just to play.

Speaker 2 It's so hard to get it. But when you do, like cross it off your to-do list.

Speaker 1 It's so satisfying. Why? Why do we like this?

Speaker 2 Oh, God, we went off on a tanner.

Speaker 1 Oh, top comment on this one. I really hope you're a troll because if not, you're a huge asshole and a terrible husband.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 She gave up her figure to bring your child into the world two weeks ago. Her shoes do not fit her.
This wasn't an impulse buy. It was a necessity.

Speaker 1 You do not have the right to threaten her with financial abuse because she had the audacity to want shoes that fit her. Guess what, Buttercup?

Speaker 1 When my mom was pregnant, her feet grew two sizes, all caps, and never went back down.

Speaker 1 Despite the fact that she lost weight, you suck and you're the asshole.

Speaker 2 Wait, I love how she threw buttercup in there or he.

Speaker 1 Guess what? Buttercup. Buttercup.
And I started saying that. Okay, buttercup.
Okay, buttercup. Okay, buttercup.
Okay, yeah, sure. Buttercup.
I think it's better than sweetie. Yeah, sweetie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this is like the new. This is upgraded.
Sweetie.

Speaker 1 This is elite level.

Speaker 2 No, them. Did he like just maybe he has like a kink where he wants people to call him an asshole?

Speaker 1 Ooh, I could see that. We have some degrad.

Speaker 1 What's that big word? Yeah. Degration.

Speaker 1 Degradation. Degradation.

Speaker 1 Next.

Speaker 2 That sounded like something people do in a lawn. I degraded my lawn.

Speaker 1 It does, actually. It can go along with irrigation.

Speaker 2 I got some new degradation in my lawn.

Speaker 1 Look at you. Look at you.
Yard work. Hannah.
Farmer Hannah. Farmer Hannah.

Speaker 2 I could see you being a farmer. I do want to have like a cat dog sanctuary one day and be a painter in a farm.
You have it.

Speaker 1 You have it. It's in me.
It's like see it.

Speaker 2 It wants to come out.

Speaker 1 The overalls with like the paint all over it.

Speaker 2 Yes, I'm just like, and I'm always really busy, but I actually have nothing to do. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want that for you more than anything. You need a vacation.
I'm selling the paintings. I'm just like, I have to finish this painting.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, I love that.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along. Okay, let's lighten it up a little bit.
Let's lighten it up. This next one is coming from Am I the Asshole.

Speaker 1 It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Agreeing with My Niece Being Booed at Her Sister's Wedding and then later putting her in check? I have two nieces, and one recently got married.

Speaker 1 The other one is pregnant with her first child. At the reception, she used her toast time to announce her pregnancy.

Speaker 1 My niece is selfish like that and has always stolen the spotlight. She always got away with it though, because she was the favorite.
Well, she didn't get away with it this day.

Speaker 1 The groom's family and friends immediately booed her loudly.

Speaker 1 The best man, groom's brother, said on the mic, how dare she use his brother's wedding to announce that, and quote, this day is not about you.

Speaker 1 The booing changed to applause and not just from his family and friends. I clapped too.
My selfish niece and her husband left out of embarrassment. I went to the bride to check on her and hug her.

Speaker 1 That's when I found out my niece had asked the bride for permission to announce it weeks ago, quote, because it's practical since the whole family will be there. But the bride had said no.

Speaker 1 She wanted that day to be about her and her husband. This made me very glad that I clapped.
Later on, my selfish niece sent me a text message blasting me for clapping while she was being humiliated.

Speaker 1 I ignored it. She called me the next day and blasted me, but this time I told her she deserved it.

Speaker 1 I told her I knew her sister asked her not to announce anything, quote, but you had to make it about about you, like always.

Speaker 1 Then she had the nerve to tell me, quote, she's always been your favorite niece. And while that's true, that pushed me over the edge.

Speaker 1 I told her, quote, she, the bride, had to be someone's favorite since you held that title with both of your parents.

Speaker 1 Unlike you, she has a kind and selfless spirit that she'll pass on to her first child. Then I told her I don't want to hear from her until she grew the fuck up and apologized to her sister.

Speaker 1 Then I hung up. Now I'm all kinds of assholes to my sister, their mom, and other family members for clapping and for my words over the phone.

Speaker 1 I don't regret the clapping, but did I go too far over the phone?

Speaker 2 Wait,

Speaker 2 I love that the groom's family stood up for her. Like that is, that's actually the most romantic thing I've ever heard.
Iconic.

Speaker 2 And obviously, I feel like there are multiple sides to this story because she's really making this one girl seem like the most horrible human that's ever walked this earth.

Speaker 1 Varucha salt vibe. She's a spoiled brat.

Speaker 2 Yes, if the facts are true, though, that like the bride said no, also it's crazy to ask that.

Speaker 2 And then you did it out of it was convenient, which that's not a good excuse. And you still did it.
Like you do deserve it. I do feel like if you're going to clap.

Speaker 2 then you are asking for a little drama. So like their responses are valid too.

Speaker 2 But I do think that she made a point and you, you did you, girl. You like stand your ground, say it with your chest.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. You got told no and you still went ahead with it.

Speaker 1 Looks like you're dealing with the consequences now. Exactly.
That's how it works, babe. Exactly.
That's how it works, buttercup. That's how it works, buttercup.
Come on.

Speaker 2 That's such crazy behavior. Also, the whole like favorite niece thing.

Speaker 2 Like, okay, look, I know, like, we'll joke in my family and be like, oh, like, I got a lot of attention on this, or like, yeah, my grandpa really loved me.

Speaker 2 But, like, it's not that obvious and it's not true. It's a joke.

Speaker 1 It's a joke.

Speaker 2 So, the fact that they like have a ranking system and she's, she's like, you always thought she was the favorite.

Speaker 1 Like, what? It's so strange. Come on.
Your family, your sisters. Yeah.
It's giving Golden Child and scapegoat. Yeah.
Like, she was the golden child.

Speaker 1 And now that, like, she got put in her place and wasn't fond of,

Speaker 1 she's losing it because this has never happened to her.

Speaker 2 You know what? This is kind of reactive abuse a little bit for for the aunt because it's like she's reacting to what the girl was doing and everyone's mad at her for her reaction.

Speaker 2 Let's focus on what the niece did. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Your sister's wedding is not a family reunion. No.
It's not a time to make it about you. You are there for quite literally one reason.

Speaker 2 Yes. Your sister.
And don't project your embarrassment. and blame it on your aunt for clapping because that was just a reaction to the bullshit.

Speaker 1 Yep. Yep.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this one. Not the asshole.

Speaker 1 But now I'm wondering if the bride had a feeling her sister would make the announcement anyways and suggested the booing to her new in-laws and hubby's friends.

Speaker 1 I don't care if she did.

Speaker 2 I don't care if she did. She probably was embarrassed and knows her sister and was like, hey, just warning you guys, this might happen.
And if it happens, like, I'm not going to be happy.

Speaker 2 So she basically made sure that she had people there to try to save the moment for her still.

Speaker 1 Which is what like everyone does at weddings. Like, oh, hey, can you keep an eye on my aunt Sally?

Speaker 2 After a couple drinks, she's going to start talking about

Speaker 2 so-and-so's, you know, security.

Speaker 1 You know, watch out for Sally. She might, she might try to have an affair.
Everyone does that. Like, that's, you kind of have those people that come to your weddings or baby showers or whatever.

Speaker 1 Like, that's normal. Good for her for being proactive and making sure people had her back because her own sister sure fucking didn't.

Speaker 2 It definitely definitely is a quality of families where like someone's known to make it about them. Always.

Speaker 2 And it's like, I definitely have had these situations where someone's like, hey, so-and-so tends to make it about them and will be somewhere important.

Speaker 2 And someone suddenly like is always like sick or like they're they, you know, something happened that they're not telling people about, but it's like to get the attention on them.

Speaker 1 And you're like, how many times?

Speaker 2 It's like, it becomes a pattern. But always.

Speaker 2 But then I sometimes like have empathy for them because I'm like, what happened that you can't not have people worrying about you all the time or like praising you all the time?

Speaker 1 Like deep down, you really need that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And it's funny because with me, obviously I love attention, but I like hated wedding attention.

Speaker 1 I know, I remember you telling me that.

Speaker 2 Like I heard that story and I was like, wait, I would have loved someone else to make it about.

Speaker 2 Because I want to like, my own demons are like, I want to earn people's attention. Like I I want people to be like, I don't know if I like her.

Speaker 2 And then be like, give me the mic and let me win you over. But like me forcing people to come and like celebrate me, I get like, it makes me unsettled.

Speaker 2 Even though like everyone obviously is excited, but like,

Speaker 2 I'm like a people pleaser the whole time. Like, are you guys having fun? Is everyone, are we having fun? Are you having fun?

Speaker 1 We should unpack that more later. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You are worthy of love and attention without

Speaker 2 working for it. No one likes when people sing happy birthday for them.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's a lie.

Speaker 2 I feel like it's the most awkward, first of all, difficult song to sing.

Speaker 1 Why is it so hard?

Speaker 2 Why did they put such a high note in the most popular song in America?

Speaker 1 I would love to use the Spanish version because I feel like that's a little

Speaker 1 easier.

Speaker 2 And it's so much more light and fun.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.
Bring that out. Bring that out.
Make that the standard because it's way easier. That's so funny.

Speaker 2 No, yeah, I never know what to do with my hands. Everyone's staring at me.

Speaker 1 Everyone's okay. I might.

Speaker 2 i don't want to ruin it for you but like i personally like i will fight to the death for people not to sing happy birthday i do like the applebees version yeah happy happy birthday from all of us to you yes we wish it was our birthday so we could celebrate too but how many times do you think they prank your friend and that you're like it's my friend's birthday when it's not just so they get the song Probably pretty often.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think it's the move.

Speaker 1 But it comes with free desserts. So like a win is a win.
A win is a win. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Someone has to sacrifice.

Speaker 1 I'm going to really think about this happy birthday now.

Speaker 1 I think the most awkward is when you don't know someone's name and you get to the name part and you're like,

Speaker 1 happy birthday.

Speaker 2 Or like, or they have a nickname. You're like, are we saying the nickname? Are we not? Yeah.

Speaker 2 But actually, let's be honest, thinking back, I would not be happy if someone announced their pregnancy at my wedding. It's just disrespectful.

Speaker 1 Tacky.

Speaker 2 It's tacky. It's disrespectful.
It's mean.

Speaker 2 And also, like, this bitch already got married and no one did that at her wedding.

Speaker 1 No. And you're going to have a baby shower.
So that's your day.

Speaker 2 Not this one. Oh my God.
Booing is so funny.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 we need to boo more.

Speaker 1 We need to boo more. I think honestly physical tomatoes tomato.

Speaker 2 I was going to say tomato, tomato, tomato. But also this is like just like, it's a learning lesson for that.

Speaker 2 I'm like excited that this happened to that woman so that, and, but in this moment, instead of projecting it, all the issue onto your aunt, be like, what did I do wrong in this situation?

Speaker 2 How can I learn from it? Yeah. And she needs to like have a really big formal apology.
Yeah. And I think they'll be able to move forward from it.
I think so.

Speaker 2 Because it can be a learning lesson if she reacts to it the right way.

Speaker 1 I think so. And I hope it's a character development because, you know, you're about to have a baby, sis.
Like, you gotta get some good. Imagine when that kid's older.

Speaker 2 Be like, you wanna know about before you were born? You were booed.

Speaker 1 You were booed from the ballet. You're the boo baby.

Speaker 1 I would like a pin drop so I can see the video in person. Oh my gosh.
Please, if you're out there, bride, please post this on TikTok. Oh my god.
I know someone was recording those speeches.

Speaker 2 But it's that will end the relationship between the sisters sisters if it goes viral. Just send it to me.

Speaker 1 Or sometimes,

Speaker 2 honestly, cutting ties is sometimes very healthy.

Speaker 1 Well, no contact. I could see it.
A couple years.

Speaker 2 I could see it. At peace.
I love that.

Speaker 1 Sometimes nice. Moving along.

Speaker 2 So good, so good, so good.

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Speaker 1 Do you want to ease into being mad or do you just want to like?

Speaker 2 I'm already mad. Okay, we're here.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Slapping My Husband in the Face?

Speaker 1 Where is this gonna go?

Speaker 1 My 43 male husband thinks it's funny to constantly slap me, 43 female, in the privates all day, every day. He sneaks up behind me and will stick his fingers in my ass or slap my vagina.

Speaker 1 He does this in front of the kids. Once or twice is one thing, but this is at least 10 times a day.
Tonight, I was in the shower washing my face, and he came in and slapped my privates.

Speaker 1 He knows I don't like it. I've told him.
I have bad hemorrhoids after having the kids, so when he sticks his finger there, it hurts. He knows this.
Sorry for the TMI, but I am pissed.

Speaker 1 After the shower tonight, I slapped him in the face. Not hard, but hard enough to sting.
His reaction was to punch me in the stomach and tell me he wants a divorce for hurting him.

Speaker 1 He's never done that before, and in my opinion, way overreacted. After 11 years of marriage, that was a first.
And he said, I'm the asshole. Meanwhile, I'm ready to leave and take the kids tonight.

Speaker 1 I know his reaction was not okay, but was I out of line?

Speaker 2 What

Speaker 1 the fuck?

Speaker 2 Wait, it's obviously so easy for me to sit back in my chair right now and tell people to leave their husbands because it's obviously way more complicated than that. But, like,

Speaker 2 leave

Speaker 1 your husband immediately.

Speaker 2 Take the kids. You can stay at my place.
Like, we'll figure it out.

Speaker 1 Drop the pin. We'll come help you move.

Speaker 2 Drop the pin. I got you.

Speaker 2 What? Like,

Speaker 2 that was so layered of so many weird things.

Speaker 2 And it's funny because when you stand up for yourself, I feel like sometimes their reaction really, like, confirms, like, oh, they have really been fucked up this whole time.

Speaker 2 And I was just giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Speaker 1 Yes. Have you heard about reactive abuse? Yeah, I've definitely been the victim of it.
I, I feel like I just, you hear about it, but like I just really learned about it recently.

Speaker 1 And that's what this kind of feels like.

Speaker 2 It's a form of gaslighting where it's like finally someone reacts and then they're like, you're the problem. Yeah.
When they were the person that made you so upset.

Speaker 1 That's instigating it.

Speaker 2 It's, I say, like, don't judge people based on their reaction to trauma.

Speaker 1 Ooh.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't always say that, but it is. It's like,

Speaker 2 how someone reacts to abuse, like you can't, they're reacting to abuse. Yeah.
So you can't like weigh it to the abuse.

Speaker 1 That makes total sense. And it just like I'm sitting here, like, that's so raven-tunneling to like a bunch of moments in my life.
I'm like, oh my God. Okay.
Like, I, yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, that's what they are good at with reality TV because people are just reacting and they're getting all these reactions and then they decide how they want to put it together.

Speaker 2 So you don't always see what people are reacting to. So then you compare one that's considered crazy because they show you reacting to something that was different.

Speaker 1 The abuse that happened before

Speaker 1 triggered that reaction.

Speaker 2 And then you could get bullied for your

Speaker 2 reaction to the abuse, like you were the bully.

Speaker 1 Reality TV is terrifying.

Speaker 2 So that's like one thing to look out. I actually can't watch it anymore now that I like know how the sausage is made.
Yeah. Because it's like, it's like...

Speaker 2 It's like watching a fight, but starting in the middle of it and having to decide which side you're on.

Speaker 2 You ever see that sometimes on like TikTok, there'll be a fight and someone's freaking the fuck out and you're like they're crazy but then you find out that person did something so beyond that you're like of course she flipped out like that like she should have flipped out more exactly you see the other pov yeah yes and i also think like yes like the physical stuff in relationships there has to be boundaries it could be super scary but him reacting i want a divorce immediately it's like then go

Speaker 2 please go i my hemorrhoids will be less inflamed well he has no boundaries and she finally was like put standing up for herself. And like, people would be like, Why don't you tell him what he knows?

Speaker 1 She's told him multiple times. Yeah.
He knows.

Speaker 2 And I understand. Like, I am guilty.
I like annoying my husband. Like, he's very ticklish.
And, like, sometimes like he'll just like, his stomach will kind of be out.

Speaker 2 And I know that he doesn't want me to, but I need to, like, poke him. And I'd be like, why would you do that? And, like, I try not to, but I think I'm like the older sister.

Speaker 2 Like, I love annoying my little brother. and it's something I'm working on.
And, but it's also like we end up laughing, but I try to be like, I get in a silly mood sometimes.

Speaker 1 I think, like, a little poke, a little foot tickle, a little, like, a little boom.

Speaker 2 Because he overreacts a lot. So, I think it's really funny when he overreacts.
He's like, it's not funny. You're like, you know, I'm really ticklish.

Speaker 2 So, like, hearing this on a smaller scale, I'm like, okay, that's so valid. And I should listen to him more.
But also, like, it is funny when I barely touch him that he's like, whoa.

Speaker 1 I know. Just like such a boy.

Speaker 2 And I also, I like being like teased and made fun of. So like,

Speaker 2 but you have to understand that sometimes they don't enjoy it. Yeah.
So I've been better.

Speaker 1 I feel like the difference is like, if he seriously was like, I really don't appreciate it. Can you please stop? You would stop.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And I'm also not sexually assaulting him.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. Like getting slapped in the private again and again and again.
Like, at what point is this a joke? At what point is this funny?

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, what's the point of it? Because what's turning her on and it's embarrassing her.

Speaker 2 Also, the way she brought up the kids multiple times in this, it makes me feel like she's just a little embarrassed by like how her husband is acting in front of her children.

Speaker 1 This is not a good thing to show your kids. To do this in front of your kids, it's okay to hit your partner in the genitals.

Speaker 2 Not to go big picture here, but I feel like Am I the Asshole is super powerful because this is the kind of thing that you won't necessarily want to bring up at brunch with your girls.

Speaker 2 Like, what would you guys do? Like it's so layered and complicated and embarrassing and weird, but like, yeah, you're not going to tell your mom or something.

Speaker 2 So like this gives people an outlet to have unbiased opinions to be like, you're not crazy. You should leave your husband.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 I'm so happy to be able to do that. When in doubt,

Speaker 2 leave.

Speaker 1 At least remove yourself like and take a break. Like if you're, if you're questioning things, if you feel gaslit,

Speaker 1 if that person loves you and it's the right person, a couple weeks away for you to clear your head isn't going to change that.

Speaker 2 I'm just really in a place of like life is so short. And like, yes, we all want a beautiful family with a perfect home and, you know, a 50-year marriage.
But it's like, you know, what's

Speaker 2 worse than

Speaker 2 not having that? Being stuck in something that is killing you inside.

Speaker 1 Dude, the ballerina farm stuff that's coming out. Wait, can you explain that?

Speaker 2 Have you talked about it yet?

Speaker 1 No, it just dropped. I think the article just dropped like yesterday.
So Ballerina Farm is like this big content creator that's like really pursuing the trad wife content.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 They live out on a farm. They have like eight or 10 kids.
I'm not really sure. I'm not, I don't engage with the content typically.

Speaker 2 But it keeps coming up.

Speaker 1 It just keeps coming up. And so it's like they have this farm.
They get their own milk and flour and butter and like. traditionals.

Speaker 1 She doesn't have a nanny for the eight, 10 kids, however many she's got. Meanwhile, like the husband comes from money.

Speaker 1 Like, I think his family, like maybe he's not well off, but like his family owns like an airline.

Speaker 1 And so just this crazy stuff where it's like, why are you making her suffer?

Speaker 1 And then, so this article came out where she talks about like she wanted to be a ballerina and went to Juilliard and she was like the only ballerina in modern Juilliard history that got pregnant in undergrad and she gave up dancing for this guy and these, these kids and this life.

Speaker 1 And she couldn't get an epidural. And like she whispered to the interviewer like, I had to get the epidural when he left the room.
Like, crazy shit. And so everyone's kind of like,

Speaker 2 what's going on? I think they might be.

Speaker 1 But it was just like this whole thing where it's coming out and they're like, holy shit, is she okay?

Speaker 2 It's that it's honestly reminds me of a bit that's in my special about how I had bad taste in men, but it was never my fault. It was Disney's fault.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because the concept of like, we're trained to be like, you're going to want a man that's, you know, he's tall and he is rich and he's a prince and he is the loudest guy in the room and the most masculine.

Speaker 2 And then you find these guys and they're not always right for you.

Speaker 2 And then you have to battle like everything you've been taught to be like, oh, I need to find a guy who's right for me and who's kind and who loves me, not just the guy who's like the Disney prince that is supposed to save us, which obviously doesn't work out that way.

Speaker 2 And could be,

Speaker 2 that's the problem. When you're with the wrong person, yeah, it can suck, but it also can like literally ruin your life.
Yes. They're your everything.
They're the person you bounce ideas off of.

Speaker 2 You make financial decisions. They can be super controlling.
Like

Speaker 2 it's a huge decision who you spend the rest of your life with.

Speaker 1 It really is. And like thinking about choosing the wrong partner, like if I would have been with any of my exes.

Speaker 1 before my fiancé, like I would not have this podcast. Like being with him is the reason I literally have this show.
He bought me the equipment. He taught me how to edit.
He encouraged me to do it.

Speaker 1 Any of those other people that I was with before him would have stomped that little spark out. Wait, you made me cry.

Speaker 2 Truly.

Speaker 1 Like I, I, hearing you say that, I'm like, it's so important to have the right partner around you, the right friends around you, because it can foster or it can squash you.

Speaker 2 100%. I'm very like quality over quantity with that stuff because it's so many energies and you're getting all these weird things in your life.

Speaker 2 But I feel like these horrible relationships can be good because then you realize like, oh, it's so not worth it. I never want that again.

Speaker 2 Like my worst breakup in my 20s made me finally stop being too boy crazy and just wanting attention from guys and being like, oh, wait, attention from guys can be really, really bad.

Speaker 2 Like, in the long term, like, this could be four years of therapy, me thinking a guy's hot. So, I'm like, if I'm going to fall for someone, I need to make sure that they're going to be an asset.

Speaker 2 And not to make it like, oh, I need you to benefit me, but it's like, if you're taking away from my life, I can't. Like, I don't care how blue your eyes are or whatever you're into, you know?

Speaker 1 I love that. I just, I hope that resonates with people because it's like, life again is too short to be with the wrong person.
Yeah. And this lady needs to run.

Speaker 2 And I feel like there's a lot of smart, powerful people that listen to this pod. I mean, obviously, because they like strong opinions.

Speaker 2 And there's a lot of like, oh, if you're a strong woman, it's really hard to find a guy.

Speaker 2 And like, I was able to find a guy who, like, even with all like my Netflix special coming out, I know, like, he's been so, he's so proud.

Speaker 2 And he also was so helpful in a lot of like critical decisions. decisions.
He was the one who told me like wait eight months before you put it out so you can tour more and make it even better.

Speaker 2 Like he's just looking out for me and just it's nice to have just a partner that cares about you as much as you care about you.

Speaker 1 Which like to find that I do think is so rare because he's also in comedy. He does the same thing.

Speaker 1 So to not be threatened by your success or to take what you're having and like take it personally like, oh, well, why aren't I getting the Netflix special? No, no, no. I'm going to support my partner.

Speaker 1 I'm going to foster that. I'm going to encourage that.
Like it shouldn't be as rare as it feels like it, it is.

Speaker 2 I know. And I do think it is a timing thing.
Like, for example, because he's older, like he's had these moments for himself already.

Speaker 2 So he almost loves being able to like hold my hand sometimes and be like, hey, don't make this mistake that I made.

Speaker 2 And it's this nice, like, I don't know if we met if when we both were 30, like coming up, we might have. like had butt heads.

Speaker 2 So it's like just trusting the universe to like put you with the right people at the right time. I love that.
You can't force it. No.

Speaker 1 I love that. I love all the jokes.

Speaker 2 And then leave when he pisses you off.

Speaker 1 I love all the jokes about him in the Netflix special. It's so funny.

Speaker 2 When I got Fallon, like you have to do clean material. And one of my favorite clean bits was this story about him.

Speaker 1 Like the restaurant one.

Speaker 2 Him having a heart, thinking he had a heart attack and I didn't want to call an ambulance, which is like so fucked up, but hilarious that I was like, it's just not the scene.

Speaker 2 And he could have been like, don't do that. on Fallon.
And I would have been fucked. Like, I wouldn't have had material for it.
Yeah. And he was like, go for it.
Like, this is hilarious.

Speaker 2 And make fun of me.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, I love you. I love you.

Speaker 2 Thank you for letting me make fun of you on national TV.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I love that he just embraces it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I know. And I'm excited for like when he'll be on Fallon one day making fun of me.
It's gonna be so good. We're freaky.
That's how we that's how we flirt.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this one. You should give him that divorce for your own sake, not the asshole, but your husband is 10,000% the asshole.
Leave that abusive fuck.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 1 O.P. responds, thank you.
I told him I don't need him and I'll be just fine on my own. He doesn't think so.
So I guess we will find out that he has been really lucky to have me.

Speaker 2 Ooh, now I really feel we write at Don Vibes because he basically said, I don't believe in you.

Speaker 2 And she's about to do one of those girl things where like she's about to like get a degree at Harvard or like she's gonna like get a whole like makeover and be like feel so hot and like start her passion.

Speaker 2 Like she's about to like level up.

Speaker 1 The out of spite pop-off. Oh,

Speaker 2 I love the girl leveling up after a relationship that she realized was weighing her down.

Speaker 1 Like she was doing you a favor, truly. Like you were charity work and you disrespected a queen and she's gonna go show you now.

Speaker 2 It's so funny the like crazy leveling up that girls do. I didn't even know, you don't even know it's possible, and you're like, Wow, that man was making you tired.

Speaker 1 I love when a guy does it too, like when you know there's like a woman who's just like taking advantage of a guy, and then he does the flip, and he's like, No, no, no, like I'm gonna actually get with the nice girl, not the mean girl, not the pick-me.

Speaker 2 Well, they seem lighter, like everything about them. Have you ever seen someone after getting out of a relationship and you're like, Who are you?

Speaker 1 The glow, the glow, like after they're over that initial, like

Speaker 1 the glow that people get, it's so amazing to see see.

Speaker 2 And it's so scary, but like, there's light at the other side.

Speaker 1 No, we have an update on this one. Wow.
I am so overwhelmed with all of the encouragement and kind posts.

Speaker 1 I had a few not-so-friendly ones, and I wish you'd refrain from making me feel worse by saying hurtful stuff. Unfortunately, this is true, and I don't make it up.

Speaker 1 I do feel the need to clarify a few things since I seem to have not chosen the best wording in my hasty post yesterday. One, he has not been doing this for a year.
This started a couple of weeks ago.

Speaker 1 We both work from home and are home 24-7. 2.
No, I do not walk around naked. He's poking my butt through my clothes, so not penetrating, but it hurts, and he knows that.
3.

Speaker 1 My children are safe, as am I. I did call police last night and had him removed from the home.
I've started to talk to a lawyer and will move things along as needed. 4.

Speaker 1 My husband did call today and I had shut my phone off for a while, hence the late update. But he, of course, is apologizing and doesn't want to divorce.

Speaker 1 He offered counseling, so we will look into that. I don't know how I feel just yet about trying to make this work, but we will see.
Thank you again for reaching out.

Speaker 1 I haven't been able to reply to everyone, but I will try.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.

Speaker 2 I mean, she definitely doesn't need to make a hasty move, but I'm really proud of her for clearly putting her foot down. Yeah.
And I...

Speaker 2 It's weird to me, like, yeah, they're working at home together, but like, what,

Speaker 2 what came over him that these last couple of weeks he started doing that? And what had he been doing before that was similar? Or like, was it, is he now a new guy in the last couple of weeks?

Speaker 1 It is quite strange. Cause, yeah, I wonder what was like the gateway to the like slapping.
Exactly. Did this start with the Pope?

Speaker 1 Did this start with the table?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was a little tickle.

Speaker 1 This is quite odd. Yeah.
Quite odd. Yeah.
And very concerning.

Speaker 2 Interesting, but I think she's on the right path to figure out what's best for her.

Speaker 1 I think so. It seems like she's getting a lot of support in the comments.

Speaker 1 She's obviously like she says, I feel embarrassed. I feel like a complete idiot.
Like, talking about her kids, my boys are all young, but they'll definitely be told it's never okay to hit anyone.

Speaker 1 I think she's also feeling embarrassed about the reaction, but I think like there is something to be said about the reactive abuse. And like,

Speaker 1 it's kind of like when you get pushed and pushed and pushed,

Speaker 1 what do you do? It's not okay that, you know, she reacted and hit him. But then again, like he after punched her in the stomach.
Like they're both just at points of like clearly not good.

Speaker 1 This is toxic. This is unhealthy.
Something needs to happen here.

Speaker 1 Drop the pin. Divine intervention.
I don't know. Yep.
But moving along, moving along.

Speaker 1 If you haven't watched Hannah's special yet, what are you doing? What are you doing? We're sitting here. We went like way off tangent in between stories.

Speaker 1 And I'm just like, I'm here just like talking about how much I love this special. No, like having like cool girls like you love it is all I wanted.

Speaker 1 It's so good. I'm going to go watch it again.
And you're so right about Beast. He's so hot.
The Beast is hot.

Speaker 2 I say that he looks like Travis Kelsey.

Speaker 1 Why do I see it now?

Speaker 2 They're just big and burly and they have a good, like, furry.

Speaker 1 Why do I see it now?

Speaker 2 Hmm. Why do I see it? Want to pick you up.
Occasionally get mad.

Speaker 1 Literally, I see it.

Speaker 1 Okay, this next one. It's coming from AITAH, seven days old.
It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Rejecting My Friend's Request to Have an Open Relationship with My Husband?

Speaker 1 I, 30 female, have been married to my husband, 32 male, for five years. We have two beautiful kids, five male.
What's that math?

Speaker 1 I'm like, how long have you been married? Like, wait, how old are these kids? Okay, okay, got it now.

Speaker 1 We have two beautiful kids, five male and six female, and have a very strong relationship and are happy together.

Speaker 1 Recently, my friend, Lisa, 29 female, confided in me that she has developed feelings for my husband.

Speaker 2 She says,

Speaker 1 She said that she finds him attractive and admires our relationship. And she asked if we would consider having an open relationship so she could be with him too.

Speaker 1 I was shocked and told her no, explaining that my husband and I are committed to each other and that we are not interested in an open relationship. Lisa got upset and accused me of being selfish

Speaker 1 and close-minded.

Speaker 1 Wait, what?

Speaker 2 What the fuck is going on? Are we taking crazy pills right now?

Speaker 1 She argued that modern relationships should be flexible, that I was denying her happiness.

Speaker 1 Since then, Lisa has been distant and has been spreading rumors in our friend group, suggesting that I am overly possessive and controlling.

Speaker 1 This has caused a lot of tension, and some of our mutual friends are now taking sides.

Speaker 1 My husband is supportive of my decision, but I feel guilty for the drama it has caused. So, am I the asshole for rejecting my friend's request to have an open relationship with my husband?

Speaker 2 This is so fucking layered. Also, I wanted to know more about the husband because all she said was he supports the decision.
I'm like, what, what was his role in this? Maybe.

Speaker 1 You're like, are they flirting in the background?

Speaker 2 Like, how did he tell her to ask?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 2 but also, I don't want to put it on him. Maybe, but also, where did you meet Lisa?

Speaker 2 Is this her thing? Has she been fucking everyone's husband?

Speaker 1 And why are people picking sides? Like, is Lisa in your relationship too? To where you're like, oh, I get it. It's just Lisa.
You know, she's

Speaker 1 really fun.

Speaker 1 Like, what do you mean you're picking sides?

Speaker 1 She called someone selfish for not wanting to share their husband.

Speaker 2 Also, there's a thing where, like, if there was miscommunication, she was spreading lies. That's when you do, like,

Speaker 2 we need to do a group Zoom or like, we need to sit down and have like a tell-all of what's actually going on just to make sure. Like a CNN.

Speaker 2 We need to do a CNET, whatever, like, get all the, get a government, whatever people do, speaker of the house situation and be like, this is what was asked. This is what I said.

Speaker 2 How is are people taking sides on this? I'm so confused.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what?

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 what if Lisa just like likes the idea of someone's husband and like likes that he's unattainable?

Speaker 2 And then the second you open up the marriage, you fucking don't like him and you ruined someone's marriage.

Speaker 1 I don't get it. I'm like, you don't really know him.

Speaker 2 You don't know him.

Speaker 1 What you see is not him and being in a relationship with him.

Speaker 2 And also, like, once you cross that that little line with your friends there's no going back and here's what worries me sometimes and even like with just a casual threesome and all this what if they like it better than what you had but you're married so like then you're getting divorced well and you're the one with the kids and like he gets excited of like a new fresh thing this is so i'm not about it um it's one thing if she brought it up she wants the spice of her marriage but this is the kind of thing that if you find yourself having, also, crushes are so weird.

Speaker 2 Like, I can make myself have a crush on a plant. Like, if I, like, if I'm going through something, I need to, like, you project stuff onto anything.
Yeah. Like, talk to your therapist about this.

Speaker 2 Keep it to yourself. What happened to just, like, not saying every, I mean, I say everything that comes into my head, but like, don't.

Speaker 1 Secrets.

Speaker 2 You can have secrets. Have a secret.

Speaker 1 It's okay to, you know, have a little secret. You can have a crush on someone.

Speaker 2 I like if people are, like, think my husband's hot. Like, that's fun.
Don't attack me for not letting you fuck my husband.

Speaker 1 I'm like, isn't that why people get married? So they don't have to share ever again. Literally.

Speaker 2 So you don't have to be dating again when you have a full family.

Speaker 1 And that's selfish.

Speaker 1 She is like a little gaslighting queen, that Lisa.

Speaker 2 I wonder if her name's really Lisa.

Speaker 1 I wonder if she outed her like that.

Speaker 1 Top comment, not the asshole. Tell the friends that are on her side to let her fuck their husband.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, iconic. Iconic.
Let's have a party.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 my God. That's a good line.
That's great. Next comment down: seriously, do this.
You are 100% in the right here. Your ex-friend is so self-absorbed that it's beggars belief.
That it beggars belief.

Speaker 1 Oh, I've never heard that before. It beggars belief.
Beggars believe. Okay.

Speaker 1 Lisa acting like they owe her sex. No is a full answer.
That's the other thing. What if the husband isn't even like into her or attracted to her?

Speaker 2 That's why I wanted some more info from the husband. Like I wanted the husband to be like, well, that's no.
And like I would never and like tell her to stop.

Speaker 2 Like why are friends even being like, yeah, give her a chance with your husband? Like that's so weird to me. Like maybe they're having an affair.

Speaker 2 God. Maybe they've been having it.
I mean, I'm just

Speaker 1 trying to like

Speaker 1 make it more acceptable.

Speaker 2 Basically, the husband's like, I'm not going to leave my woman for you. So she's trying to open up the marriage.
Fuck. And some people know.
Look, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Also, I like making up that all these people are the same. Like, I pretend that this is, Lisa is the girl who also announced her pregnancy at the marriage.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 2 At the wedding. And she's pregnant with this, her husband's

Speaker 1 the two hot takes multiverse. It's all

Speaker 1 connected and interwoven.

Speaker 2 It's all connected. It's like a bunch of Sims Sims characters.

Speaker 1 It really is. That's how I look at them.
I'm like, I just remember these are all my little kids. We do have an update.

Speaker 1 After reading some of your comments, I decided to bring the group out for coffee and told them all about what Lisa said and the real story. I also showed them the Reddit post.

Speaker 1 After showing them, there were two girls that were still on Lisa's side. So I took some advice from the comments and said, quote, let Lisa fuck your husband.
Then you can be on her side.

Speaker 1 After that, everyone was on my side, thankfully.

Speaker 2 Also, don't be friends with those girls anymore.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 2 let's not.

Speaker 1 You have the post, you have what Lisa said, and you're still going to be like, Yeah, that's fine. Lisa should be able to fuck your husband.
Yeah, that's fine.

Speaker 1 Lisa wasn't happy at all, and she started ranting about how it, quote, wasn't fair. She, quote, just wanted to experiment something new, and it wasn't even that bad of a request.

Speaker 1 You're making it such a big deal, which I didn't get. Me and the rest of the group have officially cut contact with Lisa, just hoping she doesn't try to reach out.
We'll update if something happens.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 just clarifying, that Lisa also asked my husband for an open marriage. He also rejected it, saying that, quote, even if I was, I would never want to go out with you.

Speaker 2 Okay, so what's, what is the argument here? It's almost like she's trying to ruin all her friendships and she's like, what's the worst thing I could do?

Speaker 2 Let's go up to one of my friends and get mad at her for not letting me fuck her husband. Some kind of weird self-sabotaging behavior.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 2 the husband like ate with that line.

Speaker 1 Even if she was open to it, I wouldn't want to be with you.

Speaker 1 Ooh, good job.

Speaker 1 Good job.

Speaker 1 Go off, King. Wow.

Speaker 1 I would be embarrassed if I was this woman. I would tail between my legs, go hide in a hole, and she's doubling down.

Speaker 2 I know that, like, in Utah, they were like, remember, all the Mormons were like hooking up with each other's husbands, but it got kind of weird and crazy. Yeah.
But this doesn't sound like that group.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 It's also giving like there are other men in the world.

Speaker 2 How small is your community that you feel like he's the only freaky moment you can have?

Speaker 1 There's so many other ways. On Craigslist.
Have you looked at that Let's Meet

Speaker 1 like thing Craigslist has?

Speaker 2 No. Is it new or is it?

Speaker 1 No, I think it's been around for a while.

Speaker 1 But it's literally that. It's like looking for big husky man, looking for petite, busty blonde.

Speaker 1 And I'm like,

Speaker 1 whoa, Russian.

Speaker 2 Big busty blonde.

Speaker 1 I'm like, okay.

Speaker 2 Like, if this actually works, like, I know like Foot Fetish stuff does really well there.

Speaker 1 Are you on WikiFeet?

Speaker 2 I actually am.

Speaker 2 I actually am. And I found out because Michael Blaustein

Speaker 2 from an

Speaker 2 Stiff Socks is obsessed with feet and we looked it up. He told me I had a nice arch and then my head got big and I started to get cocky.
And then I was like, well, now we know what.

Speaker 1 And your feet are on here a lot.

Speaker 2 Wait, really? They're because I haven't looked in like a year or two years. What's my rating?

Speaker 1 Look at your feet.

Speaker 2 Okay, see, that was fucked up of me. And that was years ago.
That was like five years ago before I knew that that was.

Speaker 1 Well, I was like knowingly giving the feet people exactly what they wanted.

Speaker 2 People knew that.

Speaker 1 Look at the bottoms of those feet.

Speaker 2 That's where he said, I have a nice arch.

Speaker 1 Wow. You were really serving on the feet.

Speaker 2 I hate to say it, but that first guy would be like, that's the kind of loaf of foot.

Speaker 1 They have your shoe size on here.

Speaker 2 They have it wrong, probably. What do they have?

Speaker 1 Nine.

Speaker 2 Now I'm an eight.

Speaker 2 Edit. Don't believe anything you see online.

Speaker 1 You have, you have one of the highest ratings I think I've seen. You almost have full five stars.

Speaker 2 This is my thing. How do I monetize this?

Speaker 1 You literally start posting just feet on OnlyFans

Speaker 1 or Patreon.

Speaker 2 What people don't realize is I have tennis feet where like I've lost my nails so many times. Like I do not.
And I also have like hairy toes. Like there's, I have a hairy toe.

Speaker 1 Some people would pay extra for that.

Speaker 2 I like your thinking. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a market for literal entrepreneur. There's a market for everything.

Speaker 1 Who would pay extra for Hannah's hairy toe?

Speaker 2 Yeah. I also have hair on the top of my foot, too.
Sometimes I shave it, but I don't have to shave it if you don't want me to.

Speaker 1 Look, she'll offer options, a la carte experience.

Speaker 2 That's what people are like, one day you might get a Netflix special and be able to sell your foot picks still.

Speaker 1 I'm like,

Speaker 1 yeah. I mean, look at this one of you and Paige and your feet just primed.
Look at those little toes. Look at the toe bed.

Speaker 2 It's so funny because when you don't know about foot fetishes, you're not like, oh, that's my feet primed. That's just me in a bathing suit.

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, I never would have, I don't know, I never would have thought, like, oh, this.

Speaker 2 You think differently about me now that you know that I have five, a 4.9 on WikiFeet?

Speaker 1 Well, I just gave you five, too. So hopefully it ups the average.
Yeah, I rated. I rated.
I gave you a five-star beautiful feet.

Speaker 2 Do you know that if you search in the podcast app Hairy Italians, Giggly Squad comes up?

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 I don't know why. Maybe because we've called ourselves Hairy Tallion so many times.
The algorithm finds us. But that's insane.

Speaker 1 That's some SEO like optimization.

Speaker 2 Because we don't even have an episode that's titled it. It's very weird.

Speaker 1 That's wild. I just looked up someone like you've worked with recently, Miss Haley Bieber.
And I was like, let me see where your feet compare to hers. She has five stars as well.

Speaker 1 You're like neck and neck. We're neck and neck.
You're neck and neck.

Speaker 1 Can we clear your throat? I've never been on WikiFeet before. You're having a lot of fun.

Speaker 2 Are you on it?

Speaker 1 i don't think so

Speaker 1 i don't there's no way i think you need to search there's no way no results

Speaker 2 well someone listening is about to start no results i don't post my feet i literally have a saying no free feet pics but i feel like five years ago that wasn't like a thing i don't know people weren't as aware i don't think you could find one foot pick on my they say people in snapchat just post their feet to like get engagement

Speaker 1 that's a tactic i mean

Speaker 2 do what you gotta do i guess I feel like every girl should at least be making side money from their feet. Like, that should just be like a thing.
Why not? Why not? Why not? Why not?

Speaker 1 What's the harm?

Speaker 2 Use what God gave you.

Speaker 1 I know. I would be so down for like my fiancé having an OnlyFans and like posting milk bath pictures.
I'd be cool with it.

Speaker 2 What's milk bath?

Speaker 1 Oh my God. So you fill up your bath with water and then add milk and it makes it cloudy and people will take like very sexually artistic.
It doesn't always have to be sexual.

Speaker 1 It can be very just tasteful and artistic.

Speaker 2 But like you can't see anything really.

Speaker 1 Yeah, only what you pop up above the water.

Speaker 2 Yes. Wait, is that like a thing on OnlyFans?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but I thought, I thought there was a market for it. And so I was always like, I'd be fine with you doing that.

Speaker 2 I love that our algorithms are so different.

Speaker 1 Like a lot of people do it for maternity shoots, I will say.

Speaker 1 Okay. But imagine just like a dude in a tub and just popping up above the surface is

Speaker 1 that could sell.

Speaker 2 I mean, my husband could definitely have a zaddy-only fans.

Speaker 2 There's definitely a market for it. I think so.
For sure. He just

Speaker 2 tells you old stories and takes Advil.

Speaker 1 The Silver Fox.

Speaker 1 That could be the name. The Silver Fox.
Silver Fox.

Speaker 2 He just complains about his lower back.

Speaker 1 Just talking about his physical therapy.

Speaker 2 Talks about the 80s.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. He was around during that time.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Skills is prime.

Speaker 1 No, I actually feel like your age gap, like you make it seem so healthy because I'm usually not a fan. I think I've told you that.
Yeah. And you just like, your relationship is so cute.

Speaker 1 Like the whole COVID start and your lockdown. And then like, you got engaged within six months.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because honestly, my parents did.

Speaker 2 So like, it was kind of my love star in my head. But I do have to say, age gaps, I think, not good in your 20s.
Like when you're in your 20s, your brain is forming still.

Speaker 2 You're not making a lot of money. You're figuring out yourself.
You can get taken advantage of.

Speaker 1 That. it's just the power imbalance.
It's the power balance

Speaker 1 I don't fuck with.

Speaker 2 That's why I love like, if you're in your 30s, you're single. Go for these older guys because you're actually like on a similar wavelength as them.

Speaker 1 That's like with age gaps, it's not the age itself. It's the power imbalance that typically will accompany it.

Speaker 2 And I was financially independent when I met him. I knew what I wanted to do.
Driving. And I knew what kind of guys I liked.
So

Speaker 2 I literally say, like, I'll do my college, my jokes at colleges, and I'll be like, this is not for girls who are 20.

Speaker 2 Deal with men your own age who don't know what's going on either, who are like fingering you and it feels horrible. Just keep doing that until you're ready to graduate.

Speaker 1 Find Bucky the mascot.

Speaker 2 Make some stories.

Speaker 1 Make some stories. Yeah.
Ride around on those athlete scooters. We read it, Don.
Oh my God. Look at you.
Just the big cis advice everyone needs.

Speaker 1 Well, there isn't an update on this one past the dinner, past the coffee with friends, which I love that you were like, get everyone together. Do a tell-all.
Yeah, do a tell-all. Do a reunion.

Speaker 1 She does have something in the comments that she has been considering cutting off those two that agreed with Lisa for a while.

Speaker 2 So yeah, that's weird to me.

Speaker 1 I think they're on their way out. I think they're on their way out.

Speaker 2 I want to know what Lisa's up to right now.

Speaker 1 Trying to find someone else's husband.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's so many people out there. So many people.

Speaker 2 Find your own.

Speaker 1 You don't need to double up.

Speaker 2 Find your own. Or find a community that's into that stuff.

Speaker 1 There's those out there too. Yeah.
I've always wondered about the naked cults.

Speaker 2 Same.

Speaker 1 That'd be a hard bit to commit to.

Speaker 2 But I feel like it's one of those things that you just get so used to. Like at first, you're like, oh my God, there's schlongs being thrown around.

Speaker 2 And then four days in, you're just like, I don't care.

Speaker 1 Just you go a little blind to it. Yeah.
Like nose blind almost. Yeah.
Eyebrow blind. Yes.
I'm like, I started getting really worried about my eyebrows after that.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Now you have great eyebrows. They're microbladed.
That helps. They look great.
I need to get them touched up.

Speaker 1 Enough about me. Enough about me.
I don't like attention. I'm like, I'm the opposite.
I'm like, give Hannah all the attention. I don't want it.
No.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 This one is fresh. This next one is only a day old.

Speaker 1 Coming from Am I the Asshole. Titled, Am I the Asshole for Getting Into an Argument with My Husband? Because he left me during surgery.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 What kind of surgery?

Speaker 2 I have follow-up questions.

Speaker 1 I am a 25-year-old female and my husband, 27, and I have been together for almost four years. We do not have any kids together.
I had a same day lumpectomy surgery yesterday.

Speaker 1 The tumor is not believed to be malignant, but I wanted it out since my mother had breast cancer. My husband got the day off work and drove me.

Speaker 1 The surgery was delayed for about three hours and my husband was getting impatient. The surgeon finally came in and said she expected the surgery would take about an hour.

Speaker 1 After she left, my husband said he was going to leave the hospital to get lunch when I went under since he hadn't eaten that day.

Speaker 1 I wanted him to be able to eat and was trying to be brave, but I really didn't want to be left when the surgery was only supposed to be an hour.

Speaker 1 So I asked him if we could pick him up food on the way home. He gave me the impression that he would stay, and I was then wheeled away.

Speaker 1 Fast forward to 30 minutes later, I was being shaken awake by a nurse who told me I was sick and she was trying to get in touch with my husband.

Speaker 1 Apparently, during the surgery, my blood pressure dropped rapidly, and my surgeon was able to get the tumor out in 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 But my BP was 70 over 30 by the time they got it out, and my lips had turned blue. I was very sick in my room.

Speaker 1 I was bleeding through my internal stitches, coming in and out of consciousness, and was vomiting. All the while, my nurse was trying to track down my husband.

Speaker 1 My surgeon called him, but he did not even answer her. I'm very thankful for the sweet nurses who took care of me and reassured me.

Speaker 1 It is the next day now, and I'm very emotional and angry about the whole ordeal. My husband did not apologize and has been incredibly defensive about the whole thing.

Speaker 1 His explanation for leaving was: quote, I went out and got lunch, and then I was getting gas because I was low from driving your ass around. The surgery was supposed to be an hour.

Speaker 1 How was I supposed to know your heart could have stopped? I told him he had one job, which was to stay with me and tell me what the surgeon said.

Speaker 1 I could get over him leaving if he was apologetic or remorseful, but I'm shocked at his words slash how little he seems to care for someone he claims to love.

Speaker 1 In his defense, he cared for me last night when we got home, but left today after we argued.

Speaker 1 I'm sure I'm just still really emotional from anesthesia and I'm being a bit dramatic, but I can't even look at him the same. He is usually attentive and caring, so I'm pretty baffled.

Speaker 1 I'm sure he thought the chances of anything going wrong were slim, but I can't understand his thought process.

Speaker 1 I sat for hours and hours in waiting rooms during all of my mom's breast cancer procedures. and was nervous to even leave for a minute to get food.

Speaker 1 God forbid, I don't have cancer because I don't trust him with anything medical now. Anyways, I'm unsure what I hope to get from writing this to strangers.
I just needed to vent. Am I the asshole?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, wow, wow.

Speaker 2 I mean, obviously, this man did not knowingly leave her

Speaker 2 when she was, you know, sick. Yeah.
But it was obviously always a possibility.

Speaker 1 Always.

Speaker 2 It's kind of giving like he immediately got defensive instead of like, this is one of those relationship moments where sometimes they'll get mad at you and you really didn't mean it.

Speaker 2 And that's the moment when you say, like, you don't say, well, I didn't do it on purpose. So I'm not apologizing.
That's when you literally say, I'm fucking sorry. And you learn from it.

Speaker 2 Like, this is one of those weird, just like annoying things where she literally said, if he just said sorry and learned and realized he fucked up, we can move on. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's super annoying and scary it's really scary and i i think you're right like it does happen so often where people are just unwilling to fall on their sword like and it doesn't have to be a sword it could be like you slept on a pebble one night like it's just i'm sorry like yeah i'm sorry in the beginning like of some relationships i've had guys like say something that hurt my feelings and i'd be like i'm i just want you to say sorry because it upset me and they're like well i wasn't trying to upset you so i'm not gonna say sorry doesn't matter if you're trying or not You're like, I just want to move on knowing that you understood what happened so it won't happen again.

Speaker 2 Yes. And like, also, it's, it's about like,

Speaker 2 it hurt me regardless if you were trying to or not. And aren't you sorry that I was hurt?

Speaker 1 I feel like a lot of times people like, they, they overthink an apology. Yeah.
They overthink it.

Speaker 2 I love apologizing. I throw it around left and right.
I mean, if it's fucking up left and right.

Speaker 1 We all are. We're human.
You're going to make mistakes. You're gonna treat someone.

Speaker 2 Yes. And like you, you can't control that.

Speaker 1 I would look at like an apology more so as like that person just wants to know you were listening and you heard them. Yeah.
You recognize that they were hurt.

Speaker 2 It doesn't mean you're getting in trouble. It doesn't mean you're going to jail.
Like it's literally just an acknowledgement of I understood how it affected you.

Speaker 1 You're not a bad person. No.
You're not whatever. Insert, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah. It's just you recognize them.

Speaker 1 You see them, you hear them, and you're going to make a more conscious effort to not do it again. You're

Speaker 2 so right about that. Because saying sorry is not this like admission of guilt to being a bad person.
No.

Speaker 2 It's an acknowledgement of their feelings and how whatever you did hurt them, which you obviously don't. It's basically being like, I don't want to hurt you.

Speaker 1 That's all it is.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to work on making sure that doesn't happen. Yes.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 I'm so, like, I so much would rather someone say sorry in like any situation i can move forward because if you don't say sorry you just don't know if they even knew what they did wrong exactly but on the flip side of that you need to be able to communicate your feelings and why you're upset because otherwise that's unfair to the other person true people aren't psychics true you have to like it's a two-way street She's

Speaker 1 very clear. She's doing that.
And I'm annoyed with like, she was like, can you please just stay? Like, just stay so you're here.

Speaker 1 Like, hospitals have cafeterias, dude if you're hungry go to there you get a snack there's many mission bars bring snacks like plan ahead like but then to be like okay i'm not gonna leave and then you still leave i hate when people lie or like think like oh she's not gonna know she's gonna be under she'll be none the wiser i hate that then you have people calling your phone like clearly something's going on why aren't you answering You're not answering the nurse.

Speaker 1 You're not answering the surgeon. You're getting multiple phone calls.
Why aren't you answering?

Speaker 2 Well, this is also, I wonder about him. Like, has something happened to him where he doesn't like being in a caretaking role because of something? Like, this is again like trauma.

Speaker 1 Maybe she has.

Speaker 2 Maybe he has. It's like, this is a marriage, and I don't think it's as simple as like, he doesn't give a fuck about you.
Like, let's delve into why this happened.

Speaker 2 But I also don't like that, like, two days later, they get in a fight and he left her. Like, I don't like the whole leaving.
No. Like, yeah, go upstairs, maybe breathe some air, like, take a moment.

Speaker 2 Don't leave her.

Speaker 1 No. And, like, what if she is sick? Yeah, like, I get having like medical trauma and like you, stuff like that makes you anxious.

Speaker 1 And so, you messed up, you left, now you feel guilty, you're embarrassed. So, you're not admitting, you're, you know, you're not apologizing, but at the same time, like, where do you go from here?

Speaker 1 What if she is sick? What if she has to do something else in the future? What happens when you guys, you know, if you have kids, how are you going to react in that situation?

Speaker 1 It's like, you need to nip this in the bud now.

Speaker 2 I do also, she said, like, in the past, he's been good at caretaking. So, So that's also weird.
I feel like some people have different love languages. Like I know, like my brother,

Speaker 2 like wasn't that good at caretaking. And then like his wife was having migraines and she had to kind of teach him like what she needs.
Yeah. Cause he's like, do you want me like there?

Speaker 2 Do you want me not there? And she was like, once I told him what to do, he was great.

Speaker 2 But so it's like, maybe this guy. didn't realize

Speaker 2 that while she was under he needed to be there like some guys are very like too logical. Yeah.
Where they're like, you're, you're literally

Speaker 1 under.

Speaker 2 Like, I can go get food and I'm not going to apologize because of this freak accident. It sounds like he's just being stubborn and

Speaker 2 he needs to fucking say sorry.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I do think it's like OP being like, oh, well, can't we just get food on the way home?

Speaker 1 Like, I understand why he didn't want to do that because in my head, I'm like, well, you have surgery for an hour, then you're in post-op.

Speaker 1 you're recovering, blah, blah, blah. Like, you're not leaving for another three hours.
When I'm hungry, I got to eat. Like, I'm a hangry.
I hang out. I can go with that.

Speaker 1 So, I get that, but cafeteria at the hospital, door dash, call a friend to bring you a sandwich. I don't know.

Speaker 2 It's also like, I'm trying to think, like, if I was in his position and I did leave, like, that is, it's such bad luck. And that's when you literally have to, like, look at the person and be like,

Speaker 2 That was so fucked up of me. I'm such an asshole.
And I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 And like, I learned now like i'm not fucking with like leaving you ever again yeah and that would help so much in the situation that's all it would be that is literally saying i am i was an asshole is like so healing i think for both people yeah

Speaker 1 seriously if you can get the other person that was an asshole to like actually

Speaker 2 do that why is so hard it wasn't on purpose no i mean yeah he was like a little lying and he was being annoying but like you ended up being more of an asshole than you anticipated because of bad luck Yeah.

Speaker 2 And just own it.

Speaker 1 You got to own it.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this one. I think we know where it's going to go, right? Not the asshole.
I'm really sorry you went through that and he's not being supportive.

Speaker 1 Did he actually say, quote, from driving your ass around? That's incredibly insensitive. OP responds, he did.
That was the comment that really turned into an argument.

Speaker 2 It's also hard because things get emotional. I know.
And then, like, he just probably was, was, he was probably really frustrated.

Speaker 2 But again, don't get mad at her because that happened and you didn't anticipate it.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's just like, I don't know why he feels the need to slough off all these excuses. Like, well, I needed to get food and then I had to stop and get gas.

Speaker 1 Those are both two things that still don't excuse you not answering your phone. Exactly.
Exactly. Where was your phone? What were you actually doing? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I don't think you were just getting gas and food.

Speaker 2 Or he was like, I'm not answering these calls, which is weirder.

Speaker 1 Your wife is in an operating room and you don't answer a phone call. Likely showing up, caller ID, blah, blah, blah, hospital.
Yeah. Those iPhones are smart.
They know when a spam is calling. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's true.

Speaker 1 What was he doing?

Speaker 2 Look at these conspiracy theories. We started.
Is he with Lisa?

Speaker 1 I think he is with Lisa. He's with Lisa.
Lisa found a husband to see.

Speaker 2 He's with Lisa.

Speaker 2 But again, this also could just be like

Speaker 2 learning how to fight better, where like he doesn't get super defensive because she was pissed off. Yeah.
Like like let your per your person's gonna get pissed off sometimes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it doesn't always mean they hate you. They just need you to hear them and to apologize.
I know.

Speaker 1 It's okay to pop the lid here and then, but it's like, how do you come back from it after? And if you can't connect and communicate.

Speaker 2 And it's also that weird like pre-kid time

Speaker 2 where like you're kind of keeping an eye on your man to be like, is he capable of like being there

Speaker 2 for the family? So I think it's like it was extra hurtful to her to be like, you're going to be the father of my children. And you left me for dead.

Speaker 1 Essentially.

Speaker 2 You literally left me for dead.

Speaker 1 Essentially, I mean, a blood pressure, 70 over 30.

Speaker 2 So scary.

Speaker 1 That's

Speaker 1 that's borderline. Like you're going, you're going down cardiac arrest.

Speaker 2 But and when you were saying that, I was like, oh my God, he's going to be so upset. Like he's going to be so apologetic.

Speaker 2 So it's really, it's less him going to get food because I am a crazy food person like that too. It's more the after effect of how he dealt with it.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. Just fall on the sword, friends.
It's okay.

Speaker 1 It won't kill you. I promise.

Speaker 1 Someone else goes, that's honestly awful. Also, does the hospital not have a cafe?

Speaker 1 Someone responds, oh, it does. You see, this event wasn't about him.
It was supposed to be about OP. So he made it about him by ditching and then talking down to his wife.

Speaker 1 I saw my father do the same to my mother. He called it a waste of time to be at the hospital during her mastectomy.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, they're still married, and it's so obvious how much they hate each other. OP, you are not the asshole.
Take a hard look at your relationship. This is how it will be.
He won't change.

Speaker 1 He will actually get worse. I'm not sure anyone deserves to be so unhappy.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow. Cause they just made it bigger of like, this is who the dude is.
Like, and everyone, it's about making about yourself. Yeah.
It was him basically being like, you're not that important.

Speaker 2 Like, my hunger is way more important than like anything that could happen to you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I think you do like, you have such a good point about this is kind of a trial period in life, like before kids and making sure your partner is capable.

Speaker 1 Because someone does say the next comment down and take a hard look at your relationship before you decide to have kids if you think that's in your future.

Speaker 2 And there is something so scary and vulnerable when you're in that position in a hospital. I remember I got my

Speaker 2 appendix, like, was

Speaker 2 appendicitis. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 And my parents drove me when I first started dating my husband. And it was during COVID.
So they literally

Speaker 2 just had to drop me off. Yeah.
And I was just lying there and no one knew what it was. They were giving me like Advil.
And I was like, no, this is really bad.

Speaker 2 Holy shit.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 2 my husband at the time was calling me and he like drove and just sat in the parking lot for like a couple hours. Stop.

Speaker 1 Why am I going to cry?

Speaker 2 And I think he's also, he was good at like dealing with like he was like, I'm literally like, what the fuck, Hannah?

Speaker 1 That's, but you got a good one.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 No, but that's why I was like, I'm marrying this man.

Speaker 1 I see why you got engaged in six months. That was like two months in.

Speaker 2 And I like wasn't responding because I was just lying there with my phone and he was just like with my parents scared. But it's those moments that like you can, you can see how much people care.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. Like when people show up in times of need,

Speaker 1 like ride or die, forever, like truly. And it's like, this was his moment.
This was, this was a moment. You don't know if it's not cancerous yet.
You don't know.

Speaker 2 And you know, it's so fucking fucked up.

Speaker 2 I do a joke on stage.

Speaker 1 Oh, God. Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm ready.

Speaker 1 I'm ready. Yeah, this is a whole transition.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't even call an ambulance on him when he thought he was having a heart attack.

Speaker 2 But I did a joke on stage about how we went to Aspen for the first time and he was skiing and I didn't want to ski and I wanted to get lunch when he was done skiing and he calls me and he's like, we can't go to lunch.

Speaker 2 Like I'm at the hospital. I think I tore my ACL.
Oh.

Speaker 1 So I went and got lunch.

Speaker 2 Are you him? I am that man. No, but he basically was like being really tough about it.
And we also joked.

Speaker 2 We're like, no one feels bad for you because you hurt yourself skiing in Aspen when you literally shouldn't have been doing like the hardest whatever he's going down black diamonds he literally took like a video like I'm about to go down I he had a hike up something crazy like he was being wild

Speaker 2 so I didn't feel I felt really bad but I also was annoyed at him

Speaker 2 you ruined lunch but he also was like hey like it's I'm okay like there's a lot of stuff going on so like I got us two burritos and I brought it But then when you go and you see your person, like, he had a neck brace on and I joke that I got the ick from it.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 I really, you like have a different,

Speaker 2 like you're literally like, oh my God, I'm so scared with that.

Speaker 2 So yeah, these traumatic moments, I feel like, can really make or break relationships. Like you either realize how much you care about someone or you're like, wait, I'm leaving them for dead.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, and they're so young too. 20.
She's 25.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. 25.

Speaker 2 Again, I don't love getting married before your brain's fully formed. And it works out a lot of the time, but it's a risk.

Speaker 1 How old were you when you got married?

Speaker 2 I think 30 or 30, 31. I feel like you're kind of young for my friends in New York.

Speaker 1 That's the thing about like here, too. Like I'm planning for a 2025 wedding.
By that point, I'll be 31.

Speaker 1 And like, I will be like my friends that are in Minnesota, they're kind of like, it's different. They're still in the Midwest.

Speaker 1 You do get married, you know, you're 20s.

Speaker 2 One of my friend group is married.

Speaker 1 And that will be me here. I'll be the only one in LA that's married here.
So it's like, it's, it's so interesting. Like geography can like impact stuff like that.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And your perspective of what's right time.

Speaker 1 But I have a friend in Minnesota that like, she was divorced by 30. And I think there's something to that.
Perfect.

Speaker 1 No, I think, I think there is because you get that like fear out of the way, that fear of like starting over, that fear of abandonment, that fear of like that sunken cost fallacy where you're like, well, we've been together since we were 19 and in high school.

Speaker 1 And like, this is, this is my person. No, no, no.
This is not your person.

Speaker 1 It's okay to check out and move on.

Speaker 2 No, divorce is so powerful.

Speaker 2 And also, like, even for people who are older, there's a whole wave of divorcees in their like late 30s and 40s that you find, or someone could be really right for you when you're 22.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they're not right for you when you've both evolved and changed. People grow.

Speaker 1 People grow.

Speaker 2 And sometimes they grow together and sometimes they don't. And that's not your friend of of all.

Speaker 1 That's not your fault. It's not your fault.

Speaker 2 But this man, I'm mad at him.

Speaker 1 I hope.

Speaker 1 I hope the food was worth it.

Speaker 2 I hope the sandwich was worth it.

Speaker 1 I think the sandwich was someone else. I think he went to lunch with someone else.
I don't think he was doing what he said he was. And that is just my gut.
I don't know what it is.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, because it's such a weird behavior.

Speaker 1 There's no way you don't answer your phone unless you're doing something that you're really not supposed to be doing. Yeah.
Lunch and gas, that's excusable. But like,

Speaker 2 this is something else is

Speaker 2 to stick to the argument that he didn't do anything wrong. Maybe there is something deeper.

Speaker 1 I think so. I really think so.

Speaker 2 I love when we enable each other to be like, yep, he is having 10 affairs right now.

Speaker 1 Okay, I just googled, well, not Googled. What's that? Command F where you can like search the page.
Yeah. And I did cheat just to see if anyone else is on the same page with us.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, hate to say it, but this is immediately where my mind ran to: cheating. Even if he'd gone down the block to a restaurant and sat there to eat, he knew his wife was in surgery.

Speaker 1 Keep the phone on the table and see if you get a call. Yeah.
Stopping to get gas too? Well, take the phone with you outside while you're waiting at the pump.

Speaker 1 See an unknown number during a time like this? Common sense says it's the hospital. The hospital could have been calling to say anything, and he did not pick up the fucking phone.
He's cheating.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 1 I think something's going on here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because it's giving like addict behavior where it's like you don't do things you would normally do to like get something else. Yeah.
Like what was he chasing?

Speaker 1 Something's going on. OP has since deleted her account.
Like can't look at comments from OP, can't look for anything.

Speaker 1 Accounts deleted.

Speaker 2 So what do you think that means?

Speaker 1 I think she's getting answers. Like,

Speaker 1 I think maybe like with the cheating stuff coming up, maybe it's just like, okay, this is too much. Like, I'm overwhelmed, delete.

Speaker 1 But I think this is someone who I think will have a wake-up call from this post. Wow.
Especially having a mom that went through breast cancer. Yeah.
And at 25 is getting a lumpectomy. Yep.

Speaker 1 Breast cancer has a genetic connection. Like,

Speaker 1 this was a glimpse. This was a speeding ticket.

Speaker 1 It's not, you know, a full tire spike. You're locked up.
Like,

Speaker 1 you're getting off with a warning, is what I'm trying to say. Like, take it.

Speaker 1 Take it. Don't look that gift horse in the mouth.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You take it and you ride down the road on that little pony. You go.

Speaker 2 You wanted to bring up ponies.

Speaker 1 Anytime I can. Anytime.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 This next one. Something else is going on here, too.

Speaker 1 It is 23 hours old, coming from AITAH, titled, Am I the Asshole for Breaking Up with My Girlfriend after she set up cameras in our apartment? Quote, in case I abuse her.

Speaker 1 I need help. I'm a 25-year-old male and my ex-girlfriend is 24-year-old female.
We were together for three years and marriage was definitely in our future.

Speaker 1 Basically, my ex always loved true crime, but she was getting really into domestic violence true crime.

Speaker 1 She had been down the DV rabbit hole for about four to six months, I want to say, before she really started acting weird with me.

Speaker 1 She didn't want me to have her location, which we mutually had for safety purposes. She was telling her mom, sister, and friends everything

Speaker 1 I did. She was being skittish around me, kept a diary when she had never had one before, and would basically just be overly cautious around me.

Speaker 1 I'm not too sure how to describe it. You could just see that she was being weird.

Speaker 1 Even at gatherings, my family asked me if we were fighting because she seemed overly cautious around me and was only sticking with the women.

Speaker 1 It was really starting to get to me, but I didn't want her suspicions to be right, so I didn't do anything about it. She had told me that as a man, I have to understand, that DV happens all the time.

Speaker 1 Even perfect men suddenly end up abusers, and that I was no different. It really, really got to me.
All I could think then, and even now, is that I'm nothing like those men.

Speaker 1 I get that it could be anyone, but seriously, I don't even kill bugs. I take them outside.

Speaker 1 She had never even been in an abusive relationship either. This behavior was so unlike her, but I felt like there was nothing I could do because of her position.

Speaker 1 If I reacted badly, she would be right. And I know I'm not an abuser, so I just took it.
We had been together for three entire years, and she really thought I would suddenly do something to her?

Speaker 1 I've never even raised my voice at her, and I came from a broken home with DV. She knows that.
I would never treat a woman or child, man, or animal that way.

Speaker 1 A few days ago, she put up cameras, and I noticed pretty quickly because she didn't hide them well. When I confronted her, she told me it was for her safety and peace of mind.

Speaker 1 And that if I wanted them gone, I don't care about her safety then. I got really fucking angry, but I got this moment of clarity all of a sudden.

Speaker 1 It was like all of the anger left my body as quick as it came and I understood. All these months hit me like a train and I was over it all.
I didn't yell, didn't react. I just said that we were over.

Speaker 1 I told her I couldn't be with someone who thought of me as an abuser. I didn't take any of my things.
I just left to stay at my parents' house.

Speaker 1 She's been telling her family that I'm an abuser and I've gotten a few semi-threatening calls and texts from her brothers. I'm really torn up about it and I'm feeling like a real asshole now.

Speaker 1 Her texts range from, quote, I'm sorry, I know you're not an abuser, to how I never cared about her and she was right about me all along. Why did she convince herself that I would abuse her?

Speaker 1 I never, ever laid my hands on her, nor have I even yelled at her. If something was wrong, we handled it like adults, not dysfunctional teens.
I miss her a lot and I'm starting to regret it all.

Speaker 1 I should have just let her put the cameras up. That probably isn't the self-respecting choice, but I really loved my girlfriend, and I understood to an extent.

Speaker 2 He understood to an extent?

Speaker 1 Poor boy's going through it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm either getting like she's lost her damn mind. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I mean, you know, you like watch something about like an abusive man and you get really mad at men and you're like, men are so fucked up.

Speaker 2 And then you see your man and you're like, I'm fucking mad at men. And then you're like, oh yeah, but that's, I don't have to project that onto him.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's almost like she

Speaker 2 got obsessed with the idea of

Speaker 2 an abuse is such a general term. Yeah.
I wonder if there was like an event that happened between them that like triggered her to be like, this could become something. Like if there was a fight.

Speaker 2 Like I feel like we're missing maybe one piece of information.

Speaker 2 Maybe he had a moment where like he got angry, which is like totally fine.

Speaker 2 But he's making it like he's been perfect this whole time.

Speaker 2 And she just

Speaker 2 like, also, the cameras is fucking weird. Regardless, I feel like the cameras is not okay.

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 1 Like, if you're putting up cameras somewhere, I'm not telling him. You have to let people consent to that.
That feels very invasive. And like, if someone has never given you a reason to

Speaker 1 suspect that they're going to hurt you,

Speaker 1 something's going on here.

Speaker 2 And my thing is like, I'm like, maybe she's developing a mental illness you know she is maybe there's something i'm like it's like she wants to be the person in the documentary the one thing also that makes me real feel like he's not a bad dude is that abusers don't normally leave you no they want you to stay yeah for him to finally be like it clicked i'm done

Speaker 1 Like he's really hurt by this and understandably so like if my partner started coming out of the woodwork and being like, oh, I'm scared. You're going to hurt me.
She's avoiding him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's being weird and like jumpy around him.

Speaker 2 It's so, but he can't be fulfilled by that too. Like, that's not a happy relationship.

Speaker 2 But it's, it's like when you are with your friends and they start telling you things about your man and you start kind of believing it, except that's her with these documentaries.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's giving gone, girl.
Yes. It's, it's giving, she's like trying to create something that's not there.

Speaker 2 Again, it is like attention seeking where it's like she wants from her friends and her family to feel like she's she's going through something like these girls were going that she was watching.

Speaker 2 But yeah, the whole thing with domestic abuse is the cycle of abuse that like you get hurt and then they want you back and they apologize and they act good for a while and then they do it again and you're suck, you're stuck in this horrible cycle.

Speaker 2 They don't just say, okay, this is weird. I'm leaving.

Speaker 1 I know. And he did that.
I mean, I think he's doing everything right. Like, I feel so bad for him.
And then the comment here where he's like, I came from a broken home with DB.

Speaker 1 She knows that. So then to kind of like put that on your partner and be like, I'm worried you're going to be an abuser.
Like you could be an abuser, abuser, abuser, abuser.

Speaker 1 Like, that's not a light thing.

Speaker 2 No. And it's basically like if it was his dad being like, are you your dad?

Speaker 1 Well, and then it's like at that point, like, there's the whole self-fulfilling prophecy thing. Like, you're putting that into his head.

Speaker 1 You're almost conditioning him to like make him think I am like that.

Speaker 2 Well, so accusing someone of being an abuser is something that could elicit a pretty intense response from someone. Like, if he raised his voice, I wouldn't be surprised.

Speaker 1 Well, then it comes into that, again, that reactive abuse.

Speaker 2 Well, I was going to say, like, what she was doing is a form of abuse because now he's getting,

Speaker 2 if she's lying about him, he's now getting bullied by her family. Yes.
And he must feel just like dirty and misunderstood and just like lost.

Speaker 1 It's really, really scary. It's like a form of psychological abuse, what she's doing.
Yeah. Like it feels very psychologically damaging.

Speaker 2 And it has nothing to do with him. No.
And it's something where it's, I think he should, I think he should talk to her family to just be like, hey, I really care about her.

Speaker 2 And like, I had to remove myself because of what's going on. But like, I care about her and this is what's going on.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like, I'm genuinely worried.
She's 24. So severe mental illnesses, like, they start really manifesting themselves at this age, you know, 23 to 26, 27.

Speaker 1 It's kind of that window where, you know, bigger things come out. She's giving like very paranoid.
Yes. And so maybe there is some mental health issue popping up right now.

Speaker 2 No, it's totally valid. And I think he needs, he can't just let it be believed.
He needs to stand up for himself.

Speaker 1 He needs to set the record straight.

Speaker 2 He, if, if they're like in a small town, like he cannot have that going around at that thing.

Speaker 1 And then her like text too, where she's like, I'm sorry. I know you're not an abuser.
To then being like, oh, I was right about you. It's like she's swinging on both sides of that pendulum.
Exactly.

Speaker 2 She's unsure what's going on and she's, she needs help.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm on a roller coaster today. I, I really am messing us up.

Speaker 2 No, these are wild.

Speaker 1 I'm messing us up.

Speaker 1 Holy smokes.

Speaker 1 So there is only one comment from OP, and it is in response to this comment. Not the asshole in the slightest.
I would check up on her or at least urge her family to do so.

Speaker 1 Although, from my understanding, you are not on great terms at the moment, because it seems that she has come to develop what I can only understand to be some sort of acute paranoia as a result of the content she consumes.

Speaker 1 She can have her interests, but she by herself needs to be able to distinguish her own reality from others. Period.
That is something which inherently is not your problem.

Speaker 1 But seeing as you have been together for a while and we're envisioning marriage, your approach to appeasement and not communicating your own emotions at the expense of your well-being also was less than ideal.

Speaker 1 You made the right decision, anyways. You honestly don't need this, and her wrongs heavily outweigh anything you've done.

Speaker 1 OP responds, I did talk to her about it, but not in depth, so I didn't mention it in my post.

Speaker 1 Our talking about it was her explaining why she felt the need to be doing things she was doing and me reassuring her that I would never hurt her.

Speaker 1 She always replied, quote, I know, it's just in case, and then carried on.

Speaker 1 I also think she's paranoid due to the media she's been consuming, but there isn't anything I can do about it now, and that's my mistake.

Speaker 1 I could have intervened much sooner, but saw no harm until it was too late. I can't really tell her family that I'm worried about her, but my sister extended the message to her mom.

Speaker 1 I don't know if they'll be doing anything about it.

Speaker 2 Well, I hated when he said, like, I didn't want to respond to things because I don't want to prove her right.

Speaker 2 Cause you can't be in a relationship where you can't at least voice your concerns or boundaries without being accused of being an abuser. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, you have to, and also in your relationships with people you love, sometimes they see, like, the darkest parts of you because, like, you're going to show them everything.

Speaker 2 And I think he's being put in a really fucked up situation where he can't even speak up for himself.

Speaker 1 No, because anything he does or like any feelings and speaking up for himself that he does articulate, it's going to be like, well, if you weren't an abuser, you would let me do this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's going to be twisted on him.

Speaker 1 So it's like he can't even say how he actually feels about it, which is so toxic.

Speaker 2 Also, just like putting the abuser title is so impersonal and so just like projecting where she can kind of define it in however she wants.

Speaker 1 This is really, this is actually kind of a scary one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this one, not the asshole. This person is unhinged.
I'm a woman who enjoys true crime. This is so weird.

Speaker 2 It's giving gone girl.

Speaker 1 It's giving gong girl. Yeah.
Which there's like another Netflix thing that just came out. It's really good.
Did you watch it? It's incredible. The one that like faked her own kidnapping, right?

Speaker 2 It's incredible. And it is another

Speaker 2 thing of like wanting attention and seeing how much someone like wants to be with you or like how much people care about you.

Speaker 2 And it's, it's, it's a sickness. It's a sickness.
So, um, get help if you need attention

Speaker 2 Throw a birthday party start stand-up comedy

Speaker 2 start stand-up comedy

Speaker 1 Do those things instead of going to therapy if you go if you won't no the Applebee's go to Applebee's go to Applebee's you will feel special half-off wings a song and a little dessert Mm-hmm Dollarita.

Speaker 1 Let's go. Do they have those again?

Speaker 2 In the summer, I think

Speaker 1 I'm literally gonna look up the nearest Applebee's. I need this.
I need this. But there's other ways to get attention.
Like,

Speaker 1 come on. Yeah.
Don't hurt people that.

Speaker 2 Let me get a dog.

Speaker 1 A dog. Foster.
Like Hannah.

Speaker 1 You had the cutest foster recently.

Speaker 2 I still have a really cute foster, Abby. She's like a pocket pit who

Speaker 2 she's like tan and a little white on her face and she just loves people so much. She's not great with other dogs, but she like literally just wants to cuddle with you all day.

Speaker 1 Okay. Where can people go to look for Abby?

Speaker 2 SouthamptonAnimalShelter.com.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yes.
ABBY.

Speaker 2 ABBY. She's the best.
She's really the best.

Speaker 1 If you're watching on YouTube, you'll see some pictures right here.

Speaker 2 Right now.

Speaker 1 Let's get Abby adopted. Yes.

Speaker 2 Abby. Abby.

Speaker 1 You're so freaking cute.

Speaker 1 I love that you foster.

Speaker 2 Yeah, thanks.

Speaker 1 You're just... Why are you the most magical little human?

Speaker 2 It was my husband that wanted to foster because I was like, I travel too much and I like cats. And he was like, we're fostering this pit bull.

Speaker 1 I love that.

Speaker 2 I mean, we've had her for like

Speaker 2 three years now, which shows how great of a dog she is. We don't want to give her back unless she's adopted.
Three years? Yeah. His brother will take care of her.

Speaker 2 We have like a whole system because we travel a lot, but like she's

Speaker 2 living in Long Island. She's super happy, but we want her to have a forever home.

Speaker 1 She deserves a nice little yard.

Speaker 2 Oh, yes. And she does like big males, which honestly same.
Oh, but she doesn't get along with like little dogs.

Speaker 1 It's too bad. You know, she doesn't get along.

Speaker 1 I had a reactive dog and it is really tough. But like, there's so many places you can still go.
And like people are getting better about having their other dogs on leashes.

Speaker 2 She's always on a leash, but it's so funny because with people, she's just the best.

Speaker 1 I wonder if she would get along with Miss Peaches. Oh,

Speaker 2 I don't know because Miss Peaches is a girl.

Speaker 1 Maybe two, you know, two powerful women in a household.

Speaker 2 We'll see if they, but we can try.

Speaker 1 Reach out to Mr. Dave.

Speaker 2 Mrs. Peaches is from Southampton Animal Shelter.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
All the more.

Speaker 1 Come on, guys. Come on.
Get them together. Check out Abby.
Check out Southampton in our business. Check out Abby.
Oh, I love that.

Speaker 1 You're going to encourage me to start fostering.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. It's the best.

Speaker 1 I love it. I miss it so much.

Speaker 2 You save more dogs than one, they say.

Speaker 1 Oh, I love that.

Speaker 1 Well, that's all I have for you.

Speaker 2 That's all? That's it.

Speaker 2 I need a

Speaker 1 palette. A drink.
A palette. A pack lenser.

Speaker 2 No, that was amazing. I have so much fun doing this with you.

Speaker 1 I love having you. I really,

Speaker 1 really, really think so highly of you. And I was talking to someone the other day,

Speaker 1 kind of telling them I had you coming on. And I was like, you are genuinely one of the kindest, most authentic people I've met in this journey I call life now.

Speaker 1 Like podcasting has been, like, it's been really tough. Like it, it's so rewarding, but there's a lot behind the scenes that people don't see or don't know.

Speaker 1 And I think every single time I'm with you, you are just such a light and you deserve every good thing coming your way.

Speaker 1 And it's not to say you haven't worked your ass off for it, but it is so, so deserved. And it's so nice to see one of the good ones win.
Let me tell you.

Speaker 2 Wait, I love you so much. And you've actually been so helpful in so many ways.
Stop. And like everything right now.
Take a compliment. No, I can't.
I literally can't. No.
No. How dare you?

Speaker 2 No, but seriously, I love you. And this community you built is so fucking great.

Speaker 1 It's magical. It really is.
We've got some good ones and good ones that are hopefully going to come check out where you're at now. You have a podcast with your friend Paige, Giggly Squad.

Speaker 2 Giggly Squad. It's very silly, very funny.
I love it. And we read it down on Netflix.
Message me. Tell me how you like it.
Tell me your favorite bits. Yes.
Let's get into it.

Speaker 1 Yes. We should do a poll.
What have you found to be very polarizing about your special?

Speaker 2 People really like the queef joke.

Speaker 2 I have like a 10-minute queef bin.

Speaker 2 It's about who queefed to.

Speaker 2 Like, does he queeef you? Are you queefing? No. So it's

Speaker 2 gotten into that.

Speaker 1 It's purely from the other person pushing air up in you. It's their fault.

Speaker 2 I say, I've never queefed alone, so I know. But then some girls messaged me and said they can queef alone.
So it's been, it's gotten kind of controversial.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Okay.

Speaker 1 We are going to put a poll up and see if you guys have queefed alone. Because now I'm really curious about that.

Speaker 1 Somewhat concerned for those that are queefing alone. Or a little jealous with all the skills.

Speaker 2 Actually, I'm glad I can because I would never stop. I'd be like, look what I could do.

Speaker 1 I have enough flatulence from the other hole. I don't need, don't need a double whammy.
No. I'm okay there.

Speaker 1 Check out Giggly Squad. Be sure to watch the special.
It is so good. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Let's get it to number one.

Speaker 2 Let's go. Let's go, baby.

Speaker 1 Let's go. Could I repeat? I love it.
All of Hannah's links will be in the description of the podcast, podcast, the YouTube. Easy, easy, guys.
It's one click. One click.

Speaker 1 But thank you for coming on. Always welcome.

Speaker 1 Just come whenever you just say, I'm coming. I'm coming on.

Speaker 1 Until next time, guys. Bye.