Just a Little Something..

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I don't know. I don't know.

Okay. Well, I teased this free bonus story on the episode with Justin and it's wedding vibes.

It involves a grandma. It involves cake, like kind of all of my favorite things.

So we're going to see what it is. Let's it let's dive in so this one is coming from am i the asshole it's It's two months old now, titled Am I the Asshole for suggesting that my brother and his fiance bring out a cake at midnight on their wedding day for our grandma's 80th birthday? My older brother is getting married to his partner on July 20th.
That's literally today. Oh my God.
A date that they agreed on in January and shared with the whole family. July 21st is our grandma's 80th birthday.
She comes from a line of women where none of them lived past the age of 80. So it's a big deal for her.
And she announced last year that she wanted to go all out with a weekend long celebration. Oh Oh.
Those fuckers. I know.
When my brother announced his wedding date, she was the first one to react with kindness, considering he forgot all about her 80th birthday plans when deciding upon the wedding date. I'm going to cry.
They had made several down payments before announcing, so there was no point in asking them to move the wedding a week before or later for grandma, and grandma wouldn't allow it. She ultimately decided to have a relaxing, low-key Sunday dinner because my brother and his fiancé also want to have a post-wedding brunch that day for relatives and the bridal party.
My mom and I got to talking and we thought it would be super fun if at midnight

Us grandkids could surprise grandma with a cake and have the band play her favorite song. They better fucking do that.
So we could share a dance with her. It seemed like a fun way to include such an important milestone into the celebratory weekend since she was giving up her big birthday bash in favor of the wedding.
I called my brother immediately to share the idea with him, and he loved it. He even came up with the idea to make the cake England theme because my mom and I are taking her to England in September as our gift.
Okay, amazing. It's a lifelong dream of hers to go.
That is, he loved it until he didn't, meaning until he spoke with his fiance. He called to say, quote,

the cake deal for Gran was off.

And that same night I received a text from his fiance telling me

I should have checked with her first.

Shut up.

If she would be okay with it and how I was being insensitive,

rude and selfish for meddling with her special day.

I hate her.

Yes.

Her special day.

Not my brother's special day or their special day. Her special day.
Call it off. She really seems like a good person.
And we got along well despite her not being super close. But it seemed logical to me to contact my brother since it's also his wedding and it's his grandma, not hers.
I responded back by saying it was my brother's special day as well and how he was initially thrilled by the idea. I also told her I didn't appreciate her accusing me of meddling since both mom and I have fully respected the fact that she planned the entire wedding with her mom leaving us out of the loop despite my parents paying for a portion of the wedding.
My mom was bummed about being fully excluded even though all she would have wanted was to know how everything was going. The wedding reception is scheduled to end at 2 a.m.
And by midnight, she'll already have been the center of attention all day. It's not like someone is going to jump out of her wedding cake and propose to another person.
My text was met with a phone call from my brother who basically told me the conversation is over as I've overstepped my boundaries. Shut up.
Am I the asshole? No, I hate her. I know that this is unreasonable to say, leave her, but that's how I feel.
I'm like, call it off. The wedding is over.
I'm sorry. Make the wedding a celebration for the grandma and said, you put your down payments.
You still have a party. Let's celebrate the grandma.
Leave her. Like I, this is is these type of stories are the reasons why I've started to grow resentment towards weddings is like stuff like this.
It's just like, I'm sorry, you could get married at any any day. You could get divorced and get remarried multiple times.
You don't turn 80 every day. And she's been turning 80 for this date for 80 years.
It's no surprise. Yeah.
That's what really pisses me off about this one is grandma. Like some people dread birthdays.
She's looking at it as this magical thing. I think when you hit a certain point, like I feel like turning 30 was a little hard, but like you get to a certain point And it's like after you're 50 it's like fuck yeah I'm still here I'm still crushing it bitches what's up but she was talking about this for a full year saying I want this huge birthday bash exactly and then he picked the date six months after she had already been talking about it like it's kind of rude and inconsate.
And I don't think you need to ask your family permission for a date.

You're always going to get feedback on your date.

Like I recently shared what date me and Justin were thinking and multiple people made comments

about it, how it's like, oh, well I got married on the day after and we got divorced.

So I don't like, and I'm like, okay.

And then like he has family members that were like, I've already got a wedding on that date.

And I was like,

Thank you. divorced so i don't like yeah and i'm like okay and then like he has family members that were like i've already got a wedding on that date and i was like how do you know you have a wedding a year and a half in advance yeah and i'm like i'm like what right and then so it's like well this is like a really important person and they were like well i guess i can't come to your wedding yeah and so it's like do then change your, I'm like, it's kind of that if it were me and it was my grandma, it was about my grandma.
Yeah. I would have changed my date or I would have toned it down.
Like, like they're doing their big wedding party and then they're doing a brunch the next day on her birthday. Right.
No one wants to go to a brunch hungover for you and celebrate your wedding that you just spent the night before doing and you and your bridal party want to do it sure and i would have like a lot of uh sympathy or understanding if it was like oh it's my cousin's like 33rd birthday let's do a cake and them being like i'm sorry but that's kind of tacky that's no we're good but this is grandma grandma 80 years old and like you said there's a history of her family not living past 80 so it is a huge milestone it's a huge deal and it's really sweet it's like it's it's precious like it would make everybody like the takeaway of being like this was a beautiful wedding you know what i'm saying like it's so precious that it's like how are you that worried and that's what makes me about this girl, that this is going to steal your thunder. It's midnight.
You've already gotten all of the love and all the attention. It's midnight.
It's like the cutest thing you could possibly do. Everyone would love it.
Everyone would love you because you're so self-obsessed. Everyone would love you for it.
So why don't you do it? You know what I mean? Literally, that's the thing. You don't realize this is also the family you're marrying into right yes like this is your grand too in a sense and it doesn't sound like she respects them because no the fact that the mom was excluded too that they're paying for the wedding and that you're not even like giving them updates well and it's pretty standard like I know everyone does their dress shopping and like stuff really differently But it is pretty standard for the mother-in-law Like the groom or the other person's mom to be invited Like that's just kind of like a lot of people do that as like a courtesy to like keep the other person involved like if my it's normal if my If my fiance's if if my boyfriend right now I'm thinking about his mom if she were to offer to pay for like a portion of the wedding you bet your ass that I'm gonna give her updates like just update she's paying for this stuff yeah she didn't even care about being involved she just wanted to know how it was all going and it makes his mom so happy I can text his mom and just like text her like a cute picture of something I think would make her smile.
And it makes her so happy. So I do stuff like that.
Because it's like you're thinking of her. Yeah.
Everyone wants to be like, oh, she's thinking of me. She cares about me.
Like that small little effort is so meaningful. And then when you're paying.
Yeah. It's like even more.
It's all it could have been. Yeah.
And I don't think you should expect anything By paying for someone's wedding but at the same time Oh I got my dress And yeah we picked out caterer and like I've decided on my flowers like That's exciting stuff you already want to talk About right so why not talk about it Exactly I mean I think that you Shouldn't expect that they run your wedding Exactly but Like you know like oh thank you for offering that's so nice you really don't have to do that I'm gonna still do what I want to do for my wedding if you still want to pay you know that'd be great but I want you to know that I have my own agenda that's that's totally fair but I just think that it's just like it's this type of disrespect to just like completely write someone off who is funding

your dream you know what I mean the thing that really irks me completely agree like just give

toss her a bone like at that point toss her a bone but what really irks me is that he was so

excited about it he thought it was a great idea and he even had the idea let's make it London

England themed because you're taking her there in September like I'm so ready for this and then

And the fiance shuts it down.

Yeah.

That's shitty.

I would never,

if Justin like,

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fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'd be like, okay, like, yeah, how can we do it? Like, I want to do something for my grandma.
Like my grandma's 82. Like, yeah, I'd love to do that.
It's such a bad look. Like it's such a bad look.
I just, and that's so pissed. And that's what love to do that it's such a bad look like it's such a bad look I just and that's so pissed and that's what gets me is that it's probably for some people might hear this story and think like oh this is a very tame story that we've had on the show right yeah but like to me I'm like it just it shows so much more though and like I I think about like true like character and this is a moment to show character and how you would handle something and she got it wrong because even if she didn't like it she should have handled it in a different way and be like hey I really have this whole vision planned out and like I want to do something special to honor your grandma but I don't want to do it on this night like Like, even then I'd be like, I would still be kind of annoyed, but like, at least you would handle it in a way that is respectable.
Where it's like, my special day, fuck you guys, is like so gross. Also, I'm just like, want to make sure we hit every point because everyone lately has been like, you didn't even talk about this point.
And it's like, there's so many's so many points in these stories sometimes you forget the wedding reception is scheduled to end at 2 a.m do you know how many people are going to leave before 2 a.m i've been to a couple weddings recently everyone was gone by midnight yeah like literally we me and justin because he was a groomsman at his friend mike and brooke's wedding i just love them um and we were literally the last ones there we were helping them clean up everything yeah and it was like 11 30 yeah like people don't I know I was at a wedding too that's a long time and I was like it was again probably around that time too and I was thinking about leaving I was about to leave and then someone came up to me was like you're not thinking about leaving are you and I was like oh leaving. I was about to leave.
And then someone came up to me and was like, you're not thinking about leaving, are you? And I was like, oh, maybe. Why? And they were like, because the bride is getting really sad that everyone keeps leaving.
She just wants to dance and have a good time. And please don't leave.
Please don't leave. And I was like, I'm not leaving.
Please don't leave. Just leave.
Yeah, I know. So, yeah, I totally agree with that sentiment I think that it's very normal for people to like at midnight kind of like be yeah yeah it's crazy yeah okay are we ready for the comment yes yes yes I hope they're agreeing with me because I kind of came in really hot today fiery right now and I think I I'm kind of in the boat where I think this does show a lot about your relationship going forward.
Like, are you going to be steamrolled on everything? Is she going to respect you and your family? Like, I just don't get good vibes. And the way that she texted the sister and was like, you're selfish.
You're meddling. It's like, I approached my brother.
My brother is my family. You're marrying into the family.
You'll be family. But like, it's also my brother's job to kind of then talk to you about this Yeah, it's not on me and like could op have approached them together in a group text? Yeah, sure That would have been maybe better But op also thought like this is my brother.
This is his grandma like yeah, he's gonna love this And we don't shouldn't have to and that's the thing that gets me too Like you shouldn't have to group text couples like you should be able to still text people individually yeah you know what I mean like I think that's they don't become one blob yeah like and you can still have a relationship with your brother and that's then on him like go back to your fiance like then you go deal with it so fucking weird okay so top comment not the asshole your kind lovingyear-old grandma who has already expressed how this is a historic and meaningful moment for her is more important than your entitled sister-in-law who would already have a full day of attention under her belt by then. Go ahead and plan for lovely festivities with your grandma and her family without sister-in-law or your brother.
She outright declared war on the people financing her wedding and who are important to her husband. So all bets are off.
Yeah. OP responds.
My mom is now really upset over the whole situation and she feels responsible for messing things up. I, on the other hand, am pissed off enough to blow off the wedding and throw grandma a weekend bash instead.
Literally. The old lady is so sweet and kind that she would probably be stressed going back and forth as to not miss her grandson's big day or the party her granddaughter threw her.
I mean, of course I won't do it, but it's fun to think about. Yeah.
I do admit I was originally annoyed when they announced the wedding date. So were my aunts and cousins, but my grandma was so kind about it and my mom supported her as she wanted to be there for both her son and her mom.
So grandma ended up settling for a basic Sunday dinner knowing everyone will be tired, hungover, and worn out instead of having a weekend-long birthday bash with all the people she loves. This just makes me more and more sad.
I know. And mad.
Next comment. Do you think those aunts and cousins would be down to organize something for your grandma? Nothing outrageous, but something better than a lunch alone and closer to her original vision for a weekend long party.
And OP goes, I would have to check with them. Mom doesn't want this getting out as to not upset grandma and to not further upset the bride-to-be.
Fuck the bride-to-be. Fuck the bride-to-be.
I hate her. The problem is that we have a lot of family and friends coming from out of state.

They were originally going to come for the birthday, but now they're coming for the wedding.

So I'm not sure how many of them could tweak their schedules and stay an additional day or two if we were to celebrate on Sunday and Monday, for example.

I honestly think celebrate Sunday, starting at lunch.

Fuck your brother's brunch.

Yeah.

The brunch doesn't matter.

He just got a whole goddamn day. And there's probably, you know what? There's probably a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.
So shut the fuck up. You don't need a brunch.
Your day is over, bitch. It's not a weekend long festivities.
It ends after the wedding. It ends after the wedding, whatever you want to sneak in before engagement party, rehearsal, dinner, bridal shower, whatever fucking cock fuck of events you want.'s fine and dandy but after that wedding after that midnight pumpkins blowing up carriage is done slippers off motherfucker this is done i love how angry this makes us because it's like it's like do not mess with me when it comes with grandma to a sweet old lady yeah yeah literally watch your fucking back mind your p's and q's bitches god now i'm gonna i'm gonna get my grandma a cake at my wedding just to say fuck you literally i don't have any grandparents anymore sadly but you're gonna have mine for the day she's really sweet so this is happening today oh there's an update.
Oh, my God. I was scared.
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Check out bows.com for more. What? The wedding is off.
I'm so happy. I'm so happy.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
The wedding is off after the conflict between me and my brother's former fiance, which resulted in a phone call from my brother. I decided to text her three days later to apologize Even though my family and the internet sided with me.
I just didn't want any bad mojo or to be a sister-in-law from hell My text was met with a lot of anger on my dad's behalf Which really surprised me because the man supports me no matter what I don't understand. Was it a group text then? I don't know.
He was telling me how I shouldn't have been the one to apologize and he let another thing slip out. End of February, the bride's dad asked my dad in confidence if he could pitch in additional money for his daughter's dream wedding because he didn't think it was fair.
He had to pay more due to tradition. My mom didn't know about this, which prompted fight

number one. My dad was pissed that I was the one to apologize, even though I was the one that was

insulted. So he called my brother behind our backs and told him that he respects the fact that she

will be his wife and his primary family, but how he also thinks he should have checked her for

insulting me the same way he checked me for crossing a boundary. Ooh, full body chills.

He told him about the additional money that he gave and he told him he wasn't convinced the overlapping events were a coincidence. Fight number two ensued.
My brother called our mom the next day to tell her the wedding was off. All hell broke loose.
We then couldn't get in touch with my brother or his fiance for almost a week. Whoa.
Her mom then got a hold of my work email and emailed me saying I'd ruin her daughter's life. Shut the fuck up.
I forwarded the email to my brother and he finally called me back. He said it felt like she wanted to marry for the wedding, not for the marriage.
She also admitted to making her dad ask our dad for some money so she could afford a wedding flower package She wanted that was an additional seven thousand dollars Shut up and she saw heck after the initial turmoil. I miss my brother so much, and it sucks knowing how heartbroken he is, but at least he's talking to my parents, and he has the rest of the family as his support system.
She didn't do anything wrong. Nothing.
Nothing. If he's going to take out his own pain on someone, you'd think it'd be the dad.

The dad's the one who was like, nah.

The dad really blew it up. Yeah.

Like, he's like, nah, fuck this.

But her, she didn't do anything.

She's a saint.

I know.

From the story.

Obviously, there could be more involved.

Well, and it's obviously like, this is so raw.

Like, he just went from getting excited, being a couple months, two months away from his wedding and then like all hell breaks loose like you lost your person you're right she was the one who broke it off with him so that's yeah different and so it's like he's just probably reeling and it's obviously like misguided anger but he's reeling it's understandable why he's like shutting down yeah i really hope we can rebuild our relationship someday i'm glad he won't marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons but it's awful being the trigger to his life falling apart and i regret everything no you're the gift you are the gift you will see that once his brain clears once he's not brainwashed by this girl anymore no i completely agree i think i could see eventually like when he does find a person that is not satan gets married, I could see him having his sister give the speech. Literally.
Or giving a speech about his sister, saving his life. Or at least just being like, hey, I just want to say thank you.
This today wouldn't have happened without you. I think it will blow over.
But yeah, right now, it hurts. It really hurts.
Totally. This is insane.
Top comment. Ultimately, it sounds like this is for the best and your brother dodged a bullet.
Hopefully you two can repair your relationship. Yeah.
Imagine calling off your wedding because somebody wanted to someone wanted to give a shout out to their grandma's 80th birthday. Like, I'm sorry, you have issues.
Go get help. Like you called off an entire full-ass wedding like someone who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with because he asked you about getting a cake for his goddamn grandma you know what I'm saying like of course of course he dodged it's not okay like it's it sounds little in comparison to a lot of things we've talked about, but like it is, it's a, it's totally character.
And to me, I'm like, that girl needs to like figure her shit out. Like clearly she did just want the wedding.
Yeah. That's what I was going to say.
That comment, like she wanted the wedding, not the marriage. And that's just like, I'm like the opposite.
I would just want to be married. And then like, I don't think I'll have a wedding, honestly.
Have a party. Yeah.
I think I'll do i'll do a party but like i genuinely don't think i'm gonna have like a full-on wedding like i just i don't i don't have those same type of i've really changed yeah i've really changed i wanted the like traditional and i still do in a sense just to like like just kind of like i don't know just bring our families together yeah but like i I just more so want the fun party of getting everyone together and just like yay Yeah, but we'll see what I do Well birthday is today. I'm the parties.
It's this weekend guys. Happy birthday grandma Happy birthday tomorrow, right? Her actual birthday is tomorrow, but I would assume the big party is today I wish we knew her name so we could give her like the biggest shout out.
I know. Yeah, OP's last comments were from 14 days ago.
The grandma's birthday party will be the first time she'll see her brother. And they're both going to be back home on July 19th.
So we'll definitely have some privacy and time to see each other. Kind of inevitable being under the same roof and maybe we'll talk.
My dad is an old school kind of guy. He kind of kept it to himself.
It was his understanding that neither his son or son's fiance knew about it and he was helping her dad out with the cost. Her dad reached out to him in confidence.
Oh, wow. I do think he's projecting some of the blame he's feeling onto me.
He told our parents he feels guilty for forgetting about grandma's birthday in the first place and he swears that he didn't pick that wedding date on purpose, though he can't vouch for his ex because she suggested the date to him. I also know how critical he can be of himself and surely navigating this situation isn't easy for him.
Yeah. She definitely picked it on purpose.
Sounds like it. Yeah.
Fucking weird. Well, thank you guys for being here for this month's free bonus story bonus story oh that's not that's not a part of the that's the free one they get some juicy shit this month oh my god yeah yeah so if you want more we're really we're diving into some good ones so head on over to a tier and get the full bonus episode with lauren So say bye.
Bye, guys. No? No.
What? I don't accept. I'm not ready to move forward.
Okay, well, bye. Bye.
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Now streaming exclusively on Max. Okay, so this is now 15 days old, coming from AITAH, titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Fiancee to Not Share a Letter My Ex-Wife Sent to Me on Social Media? My ex-wife, 34 female, sent an email to me, 34 male, pleading me to not marry my fiance, 27 female.
My fiance wants to share the letter on her social media to expose my ex-wife, but I feel she should be the bigger person and ignore her. My ex-wife Lily and I started dating in college, and we were together for almost 10 years, married for four.
I thought we had a perfect relationship. However, around six years ago, Lily sat me down and told me she was feeling unhappy with our marriage and felt like she missed out on a lot of fun things in life because we got married early and spent all of our efforts on our career and finances.
We are both lawyers and spent a lot of time on our law school, bar exam, etc., and got pretty high-paying jobs. She really felt that she never got to live an independent life and find herself.
I was heartbroken, as I did not know a life without her. We went through a lot of stress during our marriage, and I could see her side.
We split amicably and got a divorce soon as we did not have any assets or kids to worry about. Everything went okay for the first few months.
However, Lily started getting panic attacks and went into depression after she started living alone. I still cared about her and helped her during that time.
She was also

diagnosed with BPD and has been in therapy since. We stayed friends as the transition was difficult

for both of us. However, I tried to move on from her by going on dates.
Lily and I stayed good

friends for almost one year after our divorce. She asked me a few times if we should try to work

on our marriage, but I had moved on, I told her. We are better off as friends than as a couple.

And I'm going to go ahead and we really hit it off. Mila was much younger than me, but really matched my energy, and we started dating seriously soon after.
Mila expressed that she found it uncomfortable that Lily was still such a big part of my life. I also felt like I wanted to invest all of my energy into the relationship with Mila, and so I told Lily that I would be distancing myself from her.
Lily reluctantly agreed, and we stopped texting each other daily and only met on social occasions such as weddings or parties, as we both share the same group of friends. Lily and Mila never got along, but Mila tolerated Lily for me.
Mila and I have been dating for three years, and I proposed to her during summer holidays last year when we visited her parents' house. We have been busy planning our wedding and planned to get married in September.
Everything was going really well until last week. I received an email from Lily last week pleading me to not marry Mila.
It was a long email talking about how we are soulmates and meant to be together. It was extremely delusional and talked about how I was just punishing her by being in a relationship with Mila.
And she has learned her lesson and I should take her back now. It talked about how I would be abandoning her after I promised her that I would take care of her in sickness and in health for her entire life, and my new marriage vows will be meaningless since I promised all of those things to her.
I immediately told Mila about this and told her that Lily has crossed the line and I would not only block her everywhere, but make sure I go no contact with her. Mila was very upset too and started cursing out Lily on how she is planning to ruin her special day.
Mila told me that she wants a screenshot of the email and sent it to my parents. They, of course, supported Mila and told her that Lily has to be cut off forever from our lives, and I agreed.
Mila wants to share the email on her Instagram and Facebook so that all of our friends would also see Lily's behavior, so that they all block her as well and never invite her to any events. This is where I do not agree with Mila.
I know that Lily is not mentally well and has now been depressed again since we announced our engagement. Lily has tried to reach out to me through my friends, but I had not given her a chance to speak to me alone.
I feel bad for Lily, and I feel Mila sharing the post would only extend the drama. I also worry that my friends know about Lily's mental condition and it would feel petty to hurt her while I am moving on and marrying an amazing person in Mila.
I have told Mila about all of this and she feels that I'm still trying to protect Lily when she tried to hurt Mila by sending that email. I'm not sure what to do at this point.
am I the asshole to ask Mila to not share the email on social media for everyone to see Lily's private email to me? Is Mila right that Lily deserves all the hurt she would get after she makes that email public? Thoughts? Oh, okay. Well, this is a rollercoaster.
It is. And my mind went to i wonder if anyone comes out of the woodwork as we approach our date which i highly no i highly don't think no they could have shot their shot by now that's true i guess when you see an engagement then it's like the clock starts ticking yeah make a move and we a move.
And we're like, our engagement's been long.

It's not like we got engaged and like immediately started planning. Yeah, yeah.
Well, no one knows, right? So they would assume, oh shit, well, I better say something or it's over forever. No, I think we're good.
I think we're in the clear. Okay, cool.
Well, my perspective on this, if it was someone in my life coming to me with this problem, I think I would be satisfied with the fact that you and your partner have decided we're not going to engage with her any further. Perfect.
So let's not engage with her any further. Email was what it was.
I understand that, oh like i want to post this thing let's let everybody know but i think that's a decision being made quickly and not well thought out i don't see and i also don't see it as him protecting lily further i think it's just let's move on and if we're gonna move on, let's move on. And if we're going to move on, let's move on.
Yeah. And by posting this out there, it feels like we're not moving on.
It feels like we're going to keep this, like, let's keep this battle going forward. Yeah.
Because you know, there's going to be some sort of response or reach out for something. Let's put our blinders on and go forward.
We're going to ignore the past. If she pops up, we've agreed now how to deal with it.
Yeah. But to keep engaging and refighting this battle, we're not being the bigger person.
And we're also just like, we're being petty for what? what I agree I think there's also a chance that it could backfire I think you know a lot of people who could see that post might have the inside knowledge that Lily is really struggling and all it's gonna do is make then Mila look like an immature 27-year-old who's callous, giving mean girl vibes. I feel for Lily.
I really do. I think she made a big mistake.
I don't know if she was having an episode and that caused just this spiral, but I get having that regret. And I don't think what she did was necessarily right.
I think, you know, this person, you know, our writer OP here deserves to move on now and be happy. 100%.
And have this new great relationship. And it is unfortunate.
Like, Lily, you blew your shot. You know, it sucks how it played out.
You know, who knows if they would have been endgame had this not happened.

But it did.

But it did. And it's just, it is what it is.
And so I think she is obviously very hurting, but a lot of what she said was also like really manipulative and not healthy. Yeah.

Like that's not a good foot to start on if you are trying to share your feelings with someone and then have them maybe get back together with you. You're being manipulative.
You're abandoning me. Those vows, I guess you didn't mean those vows you took and your new vows are meaningless because you already made them to me.
That's just manipulative. You don't want someone to be with you because of manipulation.

You want them to be with you because they love you, because they cherish you. They want to support you.
They're your person. That's not how you do it.
I get you want to send a letter. You want to shoot that last shot.
I think if anyone's got big feelings like that, hey, shoot it. Let's see what happens.
But don't use manipulation. Say how you're feeling.
Right. I love you.
I realize I made grave mistakes. If you have any doubts, if you want to try to see if we still have something, I would love to pursue it.
Done. No.
Yeah. You don't love me.
Your vows, I guess you didn't mean them no no well i think she feels helpless and so then you start resorting to other types of behavior when you feel like you're for sure it's like it's all lost so it's tough to you know expect that someone would do it in that way I think after you make all those comments you probably look back on it and say maybe I could have approached it a different way yeah just and I think that's the same with not only the instant reaction to oh I'm going to post this on social media, but also following through with the decision to do so. I think you'd look back and just think that was unnecessary.
Well, you got him. You already won.
It's not even about winning. It's not even about winning.
It's just, you guys are happy. Don't let this get to you.
Yeah. Well, and she may show up in other events.
If the

friend groups are overlapped and they were together this long, certainly they have mutual friends and they're going to end up at mutual friends events, whether it's a mutual friends wedding or a birthday party or a Superbowl party. I don't know.
Whatever it is, she'll be there. and now we have a plan of how we deal with that.

We're gonna be decent humans you can interact on a surface level if she takes things a little too far we have procedures in place for that we're just going to remove ourselves or we're going to do x y z but it takes a lot to keep playing that game and fighting that battle. It takes so much energy versus just committing to the fact that we're moving on from her.
Well, and again, it could open a can of worms. It could turn everyone on you.
It could limit you in what events you get invited to. It's not worth it.
No. Tell security, do not let this woman in.
Enjoy your wedding day. You have a partner who is amazing.
He communicates with you. He tells you about this message, this email.
He's standing his ground. He's setting good boundaries.
You have the total picture. Don't ruin it.
Well, maybe age is playing into it where, Oh, we have a huge age gap. I mean, she's 27.
I think at 27. Yeah.
At 27, you shouldn't have maybe so much of that insecurity lingering. They started dating when she was 23.
That's young, 23 and 31. I don't love the age gap, but it is what it is.
But we're 27 now. Exactly.
And it's like act 27. Don't be and 31 i don't love the age gap but but we're 27 now exactly and it's like act 27 don't be the mean girl don't be high school don't share this email like to me that just seems for what you said it for what i'm so scared i haven't looked to see if there's an update i haven't read any of the comments i'm like my self- for this one.
Like I feel like a superhero not looking. That's pretty good.
Especially, you know, five minutes into the movie, you're Googling the end. So this is really good.
I know it's growth. I was going to ask though, what would you do if this was your potential partner and she disrespects your feelings on it and shares it anyways.
So that would assume that we've come to an agreement prior or we're still kind of in this weird space. Let's say she goes rogue.
Let's say she goes rogue. They agreed.
Nope. Not going to post it.
Then it's a trust issue. And when you get into trust issues, it's a slippery slope.
And that lends itself into so many other things because when we're talking marriage with somebody, there's always the question of kids and there's always, and there's just with or without kids, there's a long life of marriage I've had. Yeah.
And as we go on that path, there's going to be so many things that come up that our foundation needs to be solid. When you are going to marry somebody, you want to start that marriage on the strongest foundation possible because everything forward, there's going to be great things, of course.
That's what it's all about. But everything going forward is going to test you.
And it's going to test your ability to be a team and be a real partner

because shit's going to get really bad. It could go, yeah.
Even in our world, something's going to

come in from the side that hits us both off the league. And we're going to be like, in those

moments of how we handle those situations, especially as a team, are what are going to define

our relationship for the long term. Yeah.
I think you need those building blocks. Trust is

Thank you. situations, especially as a team, are what are going to define our relationship for the long term.
Yeah. I think you need those building blocks.
Trust is a huge one. It would really, really, really make me reevaluate if something this big.
100%. Like it's just, ugh.
Okay. Let's get into the comments.
Top comment. What do you mean you don't know what to do? You don't want the letter shared? End of story.
You are not the asshole here. Tell Mila that you do not want it shared and she does not have your consent to share a private correspondence addressed to you.
If she won't drop it or shares it anyways, that's a massive red flag. Next comment.
Yes, I understand her urge. And maybe if everyone involved was mentally well, I wouldn't feel quite so strongly about it.
But since he has responded by blocking and going no contact, and the ex has a pretty serious personality disorder, attempting to destroy her social life feels like a dangerous move. I wouldn't want this woman around either, and I'd probably confront her face to face the next time I saw her, because I will not tolerate that kind of disrespect.
But to ostracize her from everyone she knows could do serious damage. If she lost her entire social circle, spun out, and harmed herself, I'd feel guilt.
unless she continues on and uses the friend group to try and gain more leverage it it seems better to not share. I usually don't believe in being the bigger person because generally it means letting people get away with bad shit, but he's cut her off.
That's a huge consequence here. Let that be enough, not the asshole.
I am curious. People do quote that comment.
I totally agree with this comment. Unless she continues on and uses the friend group to try to gain more leverage, it seems better not to share.
They quote what that writer said. This part I think should be seriously kept in the back of OP's mind.
Mila is scared she'll try to sabotage their wedding and relationship if this, quote, delusional and unhinged side really rears its ugly side, which is completely understandable. Mila does need to express some discretion and perhaps a little more maturity, despite it being something any person would be angry over.
Posting that letter on social media does feel like a bad idea with someone who has just kind of stressed out thinking about the fact that she has it. I wouldn't like the fact that she has the copy of it because now I'm worried that either it'll get posted, it'll get sent around to a bunch of people.
And that just, we're already talking about trust. We're already kind of in that.

I know.

That gray area.

We are.

A lot of people are saying this feels really malicious on Mila's part.

Compassion for a suffering person is always classy and correct.

Mila needs to keep her nose out of this issue as OP already has it handled.

Yeah.

And I do too.

I think it's just giving a mature mean girl. Like I said just think you know i get 27 is very grown i get feeling very triggered flustered scared whatever but like also recognize this person is very ill and struggling yeah Yeah.
What do you win?

Nothing by posting that.

You just open potential hurt. Well, in the short term,

she thinks she will.

In the long term.

I think it makes her look like an asshole.

Right.

But from her perspective.

I know.

There's an update.

That's good.

I don't want to read it. I'm so nervous.
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I read.

I got it.

Oh my God. Update was posted six days ago.
I had a long discussion with Mila over the weekend. I know it was hard on her too, and I'm sure I would also be angry if the shoe was on the other foot.
I told her I understand her frustrations and asked her to tell me what is going on in her mind. She told me that it bothered her that I reacted so calmly to this situation when I should be very angry at Lily and have gone nuclear.
We don't want that either. According to her, Lily has been acting horribly towards her ever since we got engaged and is now actively trying to break us up.
And I am treating her with kid gloves because of her mental condition. She said that she feels bad for Lily, but what Lily is asking me was to destroy Mila's life and hoping to take her back.
According to her, Lily has had a successful career and well enough to function in every other aspect of life, except when it comes to me. So even though she has a mental illness, it cannot be as bad as everyone makes it out to be.
I thought about it and told Mila that the main reason why I did not react drastically to the email was because after all these years, Lily is nothing more than a stranger to me. I have barely had a meaningful conversation with her for the last four years and never really wanted to learn anything about how she is doing.
It's true that we once shared a bond, but I have just moved on and I have no time for her drama. My mind is filled with all of the happy thoughts about our wedding, and I did not want to give importance to a letter from someone who has no place in my life anymore.
I again brought up the topic of Mila posting the letter on Instagram to get back at Lily. I told her that why I feel like it is a very bad idea, and it would just give Lily fodder to continue the drama.
Mila told me that she never really intended to post the letter online, and it was originally my mother's idea as she really hates Lily for what she did to me. She said that she cannot be as patient as me and is really mad at Lily.
She cannot shake the feeling that Lily might do something awful during the wedding day and Mila is anxious about it. I told Mila that her well-being is my main concern and we should talk about the letter to at least some of my close friends so that they can keep an eye out for Lily.
I called three of my friends who are are mutual friends with Lily, the next day and told them about the letter and also our concerns about Lily. All of them confirmed that Lily has not been doing well recently and has had many BPD episodes.
She had called them for help regarding that, and Lily's mom is currently staying with her to help her through the issues. None of them were surprised, as Lily has been repeating to them that I am only dating Mila to punish her, and she feels she has suffered enough for her mistakes in her past, and I should take her back now, as we are even.
She has also said some scary stuff regarding Mila, and how Mila is stealing me from her, and she is in a fight of her life. They also told me that she has been following every post Mila makes on social media, using fake accounts.
All of them tried to dissuade her from contacting me, but I guess the email was the final straw. I wish they would have told me sooner, but I can understand that they wanted to protect Lily's privacy.
I asked all of my friends to please keep me informed if Lily said or planned something I need to know. I feel like I was underreacting to the email, but now I'm really worried about all of it.
I talked to Mila and we decided we should reply to Lily's email and calmly tell her to fuck off. We wrote her an email yesterday and put down our thoughts.
I wrote to Lily that I understand that the news about Mila and me was difficult to her. I wrote that my decision to get married to Mila is important to me, and we are starting a new chapter in our lives.
I have forgiven her for any issues that happened between us in the past, and I hope that she also remembers our time together fondly and moves on to better things in life. I told her that I hope she finds a lot of support in friends, family, and therapy, but we will take a break from conversation now, and it would be best for both of us to move forward and find our own paths of happiness.
I also wrote that this is my last email to her and to not contact us again in the future. We are still worried about Lily, and hopefully the email tells her that I am not punishing her and just want to move on with my life.
We are also worried if she might show up to the wedding, as BPD can be unpredictable, and we have decided to hire security for the wedding. Sure, that should have been step one.
Currently, Mila seems to be in a good place after we wrote the letter together. I want Mila to understand that she is the most important person to me and no letters from Lily can shake my feelings for her.
I really don't know what the right thing was to do here. It was not ideal for this to happen so close to the wedding date, but hopefully things calm down and Lily gets the support that she needs.
Again, thanks for all the help from the community. I really appreciate it.
And any further advice is also appreciated.

Yes, yes.

Okay, I will say, I do like this.

I feel better.

Handled very appropriately.

I think this is great.

I think Mila saying I was never going to post it.

I hope that's true because it would have been not good to post.

I think she's being very mature now.

I do appreciate that.

Thank you. and I was never going to post it.
I hope that's true because it would have been not good to post. I think she's being very mature now.
I do appreciate that. I think the security is great.
I do think that this should be documented with the authorities. I think there might be grounds to pursue a restraining order in the future, especially if Lily reaches out again.
Perhaps. Because this is getting scary.
Having Lily identify Mila as such an enemy. I'm in the fight of my life.
Yeah. Mila, Mila, Mila.
Like there's a hyper fixation on this person that can be dangerous. Yes.
So I do think that should not be taken lightly.

100%. But it feels like, you know, we're focused on our lives and our wedding and making that

a beautiful day.

So hopefully we can go into our future on a strong foundation.

It seems like we've come together and we're acting as a team. And that's all you can ask for.
And if Lily pops up, she pops up and we deal with it accordingly. Yeah.
That's all you can do. For sure.
Top comment on the update. This is probably not over if she has been saying those types of things to your friends.
Right. like i've actually i got the chills when i read that like i was like oh fuck okay i'm a little worried definitely higher security at the wedding making sure everyone has her picture and i would add additional security measures at home as well lily sounds very unstable and will likely spiral further as the wedding approaches yeah i'm glad mila is in a better place.
It's always helpful when people communicate as adults. There it is.
OP says, I hope it does not come to that, but I'm going to take every precaution before and during the wedding day. Someone adds here, don't forget to include passwords on every single vendor.
I predict that will be Lily's first line of attack. And that is a big thing of like family members, mother-in-laws, whoever calling vendors and being like, yeah, I would like to change the flowers actually.
So if you discuss with your vendors, yeah. So you're supposed to, if you have any people like that, anyone you're worried about, you address it with your vendor and you say, hey, just so you know, we have someone that might try to call you to change things, cancel things.
We would not do that unless we gave you this password. Let's talk about what the password is.
Do not make any changes, whatever, unless you hear from us and we include this password. Even if you're not worried about someone, that just sounds kind of fun because it just sounds like you're working on something secret.
A little covert operation. Like, oh, password.
And then you have to give your password just to even speak to them. Feels like you're part of some secret spy agency.
Yeah. I'm into that.
Let's do that. Okay.
Okay. What's our password going to be? We can't tell, really.
Can't tell me. Well, we'll think about it.
The masses are calling. We'll ponder.
Yeah, there's a couple other comments from OP. A lot of people were criticizing Mila, and OP just defends her.
If you put yourself in her shoes, she had every right to freak out. In fact, all her instincts were true about Lily, and we are disturbed by her condition.

I hope our email gives Lily the closure she needs and clearly tells her that there is no future with us in it.

So, hopefully all's wells ends wells.

Yeah, couple other comments from OP.

I will post the link for you guys, but just a lot of them kind of going into detail about Lily, her condition, borderline personality disorder, responding to people who have had partners with borderline personality disorder, things like that. So it could be interesting if you want to read it, but this case is closed for me.
Closed. Except the wedding is September.
It's August. Let's all look and make sure that this wedding goes well.
OP, I don't know if you're on THT free Patreon. If you are, please let me know.
I will come to the wedding. The THT security force will be there.
I will act as security. I got you.
Would you wear the badge and the jacket? Hell yeah. I'd have a black jacket that says security on the back.
That's like a dream of mine. Nice.
I'm five two, but I got a big bark. Then do you have a taser or as security, do you just carry that piece of gum that looks like a piece of gum, but then it shocks you? I'd want a taser.
That looks like a flashlight. What if you saw her at the wedding and you're like, Oh no, no, no, no.
I got to get her. I got to get her.
Hey man, would you like a piece of gum? Oh my God. I had one of those as a kid.
It was terrible. You were that person? No, my brothers had one and they got me.
And then there was also a lighter that looked like a lighter, but it was a shocker. That one was- It's terrible.
Oh, that one was the worst. Yeah.
It happened to me one time and I never, ever, ever talked or associated with that person ever again terrible burn the bridge don't burn a bridge with me it stays burned it does not get rebuilt wow yeah thank you guys so much for being here for august free bonus story head on over there's lots of good stuff on the tiers for this month justin and I are about to dive into a couple other stories.

I got a full bonus episode coming.

Good stuff.

Really good stuff.

Good stuff.

Stuff.

The best stuff.

Just the best.

The best ever.

The best Patreon content there ever was.

Ever.

We should make s'mores.

I'm craving one of those cookies.