168: A Wee Bit Rude..

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Speaker 1 Wow, it feels weird to be back in the studio.

Speaker 1 We have not recorded like an actual episode in so long, just with the tour.

Speaker 1 It's been wild.

Speaker 2 I know. We also haven't recorded

Speaker 2 me and you for a minute. And so this feels kind of odd.
It feels like a lot of pressure.

Speaker 1 We're missing, yeah.

Speaker 2 We're missing Justin. Missing someone.
Well, because usually, you know, if I don't really know my thoughts yet, I can just let Justin say his thoughts first. And now I just have to

Speaker 2 really try to figure out my thoughts before I speak.

Speaker 1 You know, it's going to be okay. I think today's theme will be a really fun one.
It's a wee bit rude. Like, were the people involved rude? Or is this just like, ah, it's not, you know, so rude?

Speaker 1 Or we'll see. I feel like a lot of them might be like, it wasn't necessarily rude, but like, it could have gone better.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'm very intrigued.
I, I honestly have not read most of these.

Speaker 1 I was like scrambling to pick this morning to get ready for us and just like, I kind of went off title and like the first line.

Speaker 2 So you might be surprised by some of these too.

Speaker 1 I literally, I'm mostly surprised by all of them. Like I, and then I had one saved in a theme for it.

Speaker 1 Haven't read it in a month and a half. So now I'm like, okay, what are we getting into? I'm so scared.

Speaker 2 I like the title. Wee bit.

Speaker 1 A wee bit rude. Just a wee bit.
Maybe a lot a bit.

Speaker 2 Where does Wee Bit come from? Like, which country

Speaker 2 started that?

Speaker 1 I feel like it's a Wee Bit.

Speaker 1 Doesn't it give like Irish or something?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 2 Harry Potter, even.

Speaker 2 It actually comes from the wizarding world.

Speaker 1 Scottish. It comes from Scotland.
The word we.

Speaker 2 I should know that. I'm Scottish.

Speaker 1 Wow, you really...

Speaker 1 did a disservice to your heritage.

Speaker 2 I know. Well, my mom didn't teach me anything about the Scottish side.

Speaker 1 Well, I'll get you you a trip over there. Thank you.
We'll go adventure. I really want to go to Scotland.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 1 I really want to go.

Speaker 2 The Taylor Swift concert, too.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 1 I might still just pull one out of the hat.

Speaker 2 Right before Ollie's birthday.

Speaker 1 Just, I'm going, I'm going scorched earth, going ham, going balls to the walls, going crazy, going catatonic. I'm like, I'm, I'm like this close to the edge, I would say.
Okay. I would say

Speaker 2 there's a good amount of room there.

Speaker 1 Well, maybe

Speaker 1 this. There's still some wiggle room.
I'm dealing with an insane amount of burnout where I just like, I'm like,

Speaker 1 there's an episode that came out recently and someone was like, I feel like you shouldn't respond to these types of stories. And I'm like, I'll do you one better.
I won't respond at all.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm just like, I'm so burnt out.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 1 And it's just, I know, like, you know, the tour was amazing meeting everyone. And now I'm like, honestly, I just only want to do live shows.
Literally, literally. I love the live shows.

Speaker 2 We get real-time feedback and it's playful and it's fun

Speaker 1 it's fun yeah it just feels so good and different yeah exactly and so i'm just like i'm really struggling this week with like finding the motivation you know i know there's a lot i don't have experience on but like if if i only picked stories that i can genuinely talk about because of my experiences we wouldn't really have a show no we wouldn't have a story about fucking a coconut because i've never done that but you want to i would i do really want to i've told a lot of people that at live shows, like if I had an appendage to do it, I would.

Speaker 1 But I haven't slept with my brother. Like, you know what I mean? Like, obviously those are obscene stories, but I don't relate to any of those.
And that's just the beauty of this show. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's us giving our take, our hot take. It could be wrong.
It could be great. And then the community fills in in a kind, respectful way.

Speaker 2 That's the show.

Speaker 1 That's the show, guys.

Speaker 1 That's the show. I love this energy.
That's the show. So I'm, I told you, I'm, I'm this close to the edge, and I just need to find a way to get reeled back in because

Speaker 1 it's just burnout is fucking crazy to deal with.

Speaker 1 Burnout is like by far my like

Speaker 1 depression, anxiety all goes into burnout. Like it's, it's a beast of a little mental thing.
So

Speaker 1 here we are. I mean, I, the live show, okay, so what?

Speaker 2 We, I got back from New York on Saturday night and I woke up and I moved my, all of my stuff out of my apartment the entire day.

Speaker 1 I moving sucks.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, I forgot how much energy it takes, but like doing that right after all of that travel that we had, I'm like, wow,

Speaker 2 I am ready to take some naps.

Speaker 1 I could nap for a year and it wouldn't be enough.

Speaker 1 But let's get into these stories because as you can tell, I'm raring to go. Rar.
Rar. I'm going to to fucking go crazy today.
Who knows what takes you're going to get today?

Speaker 1 Watch out.

Speaker 1 Let's dive in.

Speaker 2 Let's do it.

Speaker 2 I really like this unhinged version of you.

Speaker 1 I am fucking unhinged. That's my favorite word.
I truly think if you don't go unhinged at least once a week, you are not living. Ooh,

Speaker 1 that is like a thing.

Speaker 1 You need to be unhinged at least once a week. You see a video on TikTok, you better fucking cry your eyes out, bitch.
Oh, I do. Like, you go unhinged once a week.

Speaker 1 Your takeout, they forgot the guac and chips in your order. You better go unhinged.
Like there's just one thing a week where you need to let some rage energy out. And if you don't, I'm concerned.

Speaker 2 I was crying my eyes out because,

Speaker 1 hold on, let me redo that.

Speaker 2 I was crying because I was watching it TikTok yesterday. Oh, what one? It was this little girl finding out that she's going to be a big sister.

Speaker 2 And it was such a long, long TikTok because it took her a while to read and to understand what was going on. And I patiently watched the whole thing and started with little sniffles.

Speaker 2 And then by the end, I'm full blown. Just

Speaker 1 I've cried over multiple things on social media this week. One, if you guys follow like Juniper the Fox, her little brother Moose died.
I was crying about that. And then, um, wait, who?

Speaker 1 It's like a dog. He had to be put down.
I was crying about that. And then, um,

Speaker 1 what else did I cry about?

Speaker 1 Oh, there was like this compilation of like poop pranks where like parents would ask their kid to get them toilet paper, and then they would smear like fake poop on them, and the kids would get so upset.

Speaker 2 I was crying about that because that felt bad, but that was like two years ago. Well, I just thought

Speaker 2 I just saw it. Maybe it came back around for another round of honestly.

Speaker 1 Justin pulled it up, and I was like, This is mean.

Speaker 2 Honestly, pranking kids is so funny. I don't know if it's right or not.

Speaker 2 It feels like it's probably wrong, but it like this video that I saw, this mom saying that she ate all of her kids' Halloween candy. That also was an old one that resurfaced.

Speaker 2 But the little girls were like,

Speaker 1 But we have candy in the back pantry. It's okay.
And oh, she's like, No, I ate that too.

Speaker 2 And they're like,

Speaker 1 Well, we can get some more next Halloween. I remember you telling me about this one.
It was so cute.

Speaker 1 But okay, here we go.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's do it.

Speaker 1 This one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is six days old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Walking Out of the Bridal Salon when I found out my friends were making fun of me behind my back?

Speaker 1 I have two friends, Gabby and Shelly. All of us are 23, if that matters.
We were roommates in college and stayed in the same city after graduation.

Speaker 1 While the three of us are close, I've always known that Gabby and Shelly are closer. They have a really sweet friendship.
Shelly is getting married.

Speaker 1 Gabby is the maid of honor, and I'm one of the bridesmaids. Over the weekend, I went with Shelly so she could look at wedding dresses.

Speaker 1 Gabby was supposed to come with us, us, but got called into work last minute. I helped Shelly pick out some dresses, then she went with a consultant to try them on.

Speaker 1 Shelly asked that I take pictures and videos on her phone to send to her mom and Gabby. I was getting the camera ready when a text from Gabby came through.

Speaker 1 I didn't mean to click on it and was instantly going to click back out when I saw one of my Instagram pictures in their private chat from earlier that morning.

Speaker 1 Both were making fun of me for the face I was making and my my outfit choice. It didn't appear to be in very good nature.
I admit, curiosity got the best of me, so I searched my name in the chat.

Speaker 1 I found multiple pictures that I, my boyfriend, or my mom have posted of myself, absolutely ripping them to shreds. Stop.

Speaker 1 Ranging from selfies to pose shots to even a few baby pictures. They'd also make fun of me in general terms of the way I talked, wore my hair, the way I ate.

Speaker 1 This went back as far as I could tell, at least a year.

Speaker 1 My heart broke. It all felt so juvenile in high school.

Speaker 1 While we all joke around, I would never do this to them, nor have they ever even tried to instigate these types of conversations with me about the other one-on-one. I was in tears.

Speaker 1 As someone who was bullied all through middle and high school, it just brought me back to a horrible place.

Speaker 1 I put the phone in Shelly's purse and brought it to another employee, telling her to tell Shelly that I had to go. I drove home and had a long cry.

Speaker 1 Shelly texted me by the time I made it home asking where I went. I said I was going home and we could talk later.

Speaker 1 When she did call a few hours later, she was understandably confused and hurt that I had left. I told her what I found, explaining I only looked further because of the initial text I accidentally saw.

Speaker 1 She went off on me for looking through her private text

Speaker 1 and said those were none of my business. Oh my God.
She also told me I shouldn't have left the store without saying anything.

Speaker 1 I said I didn't want to make a scene, but also knew I couldn't fake being happy for her.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 Shelly told me the texts were all in good fun, and clearly she loves me because I'm going to be her bridesmaid.

Speaker 2 Clearly you don't.

Speaker 1 She added that I'm only hurt because I chose to read all of those texts. Later on, Gabby called to tell me that I invaded Shelly's privacy and hurt her by walking out.

Speaker 2 Please.

Speaker 1 my boyfriend and mom think I did the right thing by walking out, but obviously they're a little biased. I just want some unbiased looks.
Was I an asshole to look through the text and then leave?

Speaker 1 No, no,

Speaker 1 this is no, this is more than a wee bit rude. Like, yeah, I, at first, I was like, okay, well, she walked out.
Like, like, what were they really saying? I didn't know, like, based on the title.

Speaker 1 This is beyond justified.

Speaker 1 I honestly would have taken screenshots, sent them to myself, and then put those bitches on blast. Like, you guys are bad friends, genuinely bad friends.
This isn't a wee bit rude. This isn't a like

Speaker 1 to do that to one of your bridesmaids

Speaker 1 and then to blame her. Like, you invaded my privacy, right? You invaded my space.
You chose to read those. You hurt yourself by choosing to read those.

Speaker 2 And that is just so typical and predictable. That is just the like, I got caught and I feel stupid.
And so I'm going to try to flip this because I'm going to try to defend myself. And

Speaker 2 that's crazy but it's it's it's absolutely ridiculous and it's just like i mean yeah if you guys all poke fun with each other and you know you there was one thing and it's just like haha her outfit made me laugh today but the fact that that was like something they do like that was like a bonding moment for them is crazy well and how baby they've done baby pictures what's wrong with you guys like what type of sick like happy like that's what makes me like

Speaker 2 that's like when people like get addicted to like hating on something do you know what i mean like they like get addicted to like something that makes them cringe that's what that feels like because how do you do that consistently to like one of your closest friends it's how beyond weird

Speaker 1 it's beyond weird it's so weird i just can't imagine like

Speaker 1 hating someone so much to where you constantly make it a thing to talk about them. Like you're using that as a way to bond with your other friends that's yeah it's like

Speaker 1 there's so many times i've like seen videos of people on tick tock where it's like i found out one of my best friends was actually my hater and it's like i can't imagine feeling that way about someone and still choosing to be friends with them yeah like why

Speaker 1 but i i'm working on like another podcast um with april mcdaniels and like savannah james it's called everybody's crazy

Speaker 1 and they have some really, really crazy call-ins. And it's a really, really fun show if anyone needs another podcast to listen to.

Speaker 1 But we recorded some episodes yesterday and April was just talking about how like out of all the emotions, like love is a big one, envy is a big one. And like envy is actually stronger than love.

Speaker 1 So it's like,

Speaker 1 I get why people choose to do that. Yeah.
Like you're so envious of your friend that you then grow to hate her. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's, I don't know, it's a weird, it's a weird concept, but I, I can kind of like thought train get it. Right.

Speaker 2 I, yeah, I was in a fight with my ex-boyfriend and I was like,

Speaker 1 I hate him. And my friend was like,

Speaker 2 well, there's a fine line between love and hate. And I was like, nope, just hate.

Speaker 1 No love.

Speaker 2 I was pissed, but, but like, and everyone knows that phrase, but I, I felt it in that moment.

Speaker 2 You know, I was like, wow, I get what they're saying by that because I had such intense angry feelings from that fight because of the fact that I loved him.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 2 but that's not this story.

Speaker 1 This story is just weird. Top comment, not the asshole.
If I was in your place, I think I'd drop out of being in the wedding.

Speaker 1 Duh. Like, yeah.
That is a no-brainer. Yeah.
Duh. Do not support this girl.
Do not make it like this is okay. No.
You're done. And you're done.

Speaker 2 And a little bit ago, I tried to like say, maybe if it was just one text and they laughed at her outfit, even that, I'd be pissed. I'm like, why are you laughing about my outfit?

Speaker 2 Like, what do you, what do you get out of that? Why are you sending? Why are you, what are you guys doing?

Speaker 1 You want to buy my clothes, bitch? Yeah. Go right ahead.
Go right ahead. You can dress me.
I will pay for a damn thing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, but the fact that it's just like a consistent thing, that would be really hard for me to imagine moving forward with a wedding specifically.

Speaker 1 Like, no.

Speaker 1 It's one thing to jokingly make fun of someone one time. There you go, Lauren.

Speaker 1 But seems like they have done this to you a bunch of times. And it doesn't seem like it was lighthearted.
If I was you, I wouldn't feel bad about looking through those messages at all.

Speaker 1 She handed her phone to you and feels like fate took the opportunity to expose them to you for who they are. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That is very true. Yeah.
Sorry,

Speaker 1 my lip. No, you're good.

Speaker 2 It's probably Juni's cat hair.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, it probably is.

Speaker 1 No, it definitely is. But that is so true because both of those girls knew they would be together.

Speaker 1 She wasn't even scared of getting caught because if she was, she would have deleted those mean messages. Like she didn't even care.
She was like,

Speaker 1 Like, I'm not ashamed of this until she got caught. It's wild.
But, like, the fact that that other girl texted Shelly and it was right there.

Speaker 1 Like, you accidentally click into the message and it's right there, easy to find.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Come on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I have a friend who, this is reminding me, who he will talk a lot of shit, like, to your face to anyone. He'll say whatever he wants.
That's crazy. But he won't ever do it behind their back.

Speaker 1 Like, that I like. Yeah.

Speaker 2 If he's going to say something, he says it directly to the person. He'll stop a conversation if people start talking about somebody else behind their back.
Like he's just, he doesn't engage in.

Speaker 1 I respect that.

Speaker 1 There's people who have relationships like that with their friends where their friendship is based on like banter and roasting each other and those light jabs.

Speaker 1 There are some people that that's their friendship and they can handle that.

Speaker 1 That's not what this is.

Speaker 1 This is behind the back. This is mean conniving.
There's another comment. And like we've used this expression before on an episode even with friends like like this, who needs enemies?

Speaker 1 You're done.

Speaker 1 You don't deserve this. They don't deserve you.
Move on. Find people that love and cherish you and don't treat you like a punching bag.

Speaker 1 Done.

Speaker 1 Done. Okay.
Move on. Away bit rude.
Away bit rude. Okay, so this next one is coming from Am I the Asshole? It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Celebrating During a Coworker's Meeting?

Speaker 1 I have a friend/slash coworker that always offers to make birthday cakes for everyone. This week, it was my birthday.
So last weekend, she texted me asking what flavor I would prefer.

Speaker 1 I told her this time I would take care of the cake myself, and all she had to do was be there to eat it. She told me she would be there all day, except for a two-hour period where she had a meeting.

Speaker 1 I told her, great, I'll see you then. When she was attending her meeting, we didn't really want to wait.
Some people actually wanted to leave. So we sang happy birthday and ate the cake without her.

Speaker 1 I guess we could have done it before her meeting, but I didn't think about it. I didn't think she was mad at us because she talked to me after that, asking how the cake was and all.

Speaker 1 However, for the rest of the day, she was not joining in as usual in our group chat, and some of my coworkers are saying that she's probably upset and that I was a bit of an asshole.

Speaker 1 On one hand, it's true that she always makes sure to work around everyone's schedule and leave slices for those who can't be there. We didn't leave her her a slice because we finished the cake.

Speaker 1 On the other hand, it was the first time she wasn't the one organizing, so we're not very used to it. And I didn't expect her to mind.
Am I the asshole?

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah.

Speaker 1 I would say, yeah,

Speaker 1 this is rude. It is rude.
This is rude.

Speaker 2 I would say it's a wee bit rude because it was,

Speaker 2 what do you call it? Like incompetence rather than actively trying to be rude.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm like, I just want to make sure I'm like, shit, I should have googled rude before we started this. Rude.

Speaker 1 Offensively impolite or ill-mannered, having a startling abruptness. I think that fits into like

Speaker 1 offensively impolite and ill-mannered. Yeah.
She reached out. She offered to make you a cake.

Speaker 1 Okay. You wanted to make your own cake.
So, so you did.

Speaker 1 But then you did it without her when she said, I have a meeting, just this. Like, this is the time.
I just can't make it. Any other time is great.
I'll be there for you. I want to celebrate with you.

Speaker 1 And then you literally chose that time. And then you didn't even save her a slice.

Speaker 2 That's, yeah. Do you like this person? That's what I'm saying.
I'm like, it sounds like, it sounds like OP really didn't understand

Speaker 2 what they did being wrong. And that's why I'm like.
Okay, well, maybe this is just a learning lesson for you. But to me, it feels so obvious.
Of course, that's rude.

Speaker 2 This person usually is always like on top of it with everybody else. And then the one time she's like, oh, I have a meeting right here, but I want to help out.

Speaker 2 And then you just leave her out completely. Like, even leaving a slice would just be like, can't you just wait for her? But you didn't even leave her a slice?

Speaker 1 That's like the bare minimum in this. Yeah.
If someone brought treats to work and I didn't get one, I'd be going unhinged. That would be my one time for the week.
I'd be like, are you serious?

Speaker 1 Well, I love treats.

Speaker 2 I also think that those, it sounds like, you know,

Speaker 2 the other person might even be like little type a and i feel like type a people specifically when they go out of their way to make things happen for other people and they make that their prerogative and then when the simplest time somebody doesn't consider them i feel like that can like push someone over the edge yeah you know what i mean like it's like it seems silly like oh they didn't leave a cake for me but it's like no it's the principle of it all no 1000 fucking percent because you look at what she does to accommodate her coworkers she texts them what flavor would you like?

Speaker 1 Bakes them a cake, plans this whole celebration, includes everyone at work. Let me tell you, baking cakes, not cheap.
Baking is a labor of love, time, money.

Speaker 2 Like, this is so-I don't think I've ever baked a cake, honestly. Now that I think about it, I mean, besides like the mix, the two ingredients, one.

Speaker 1 I mean, but you think about it, even the cost of eggs now, crazy. You need eggs for a cake.
You can even do a box mix. You still need those eggs.

Speaker 1 It's, it's 20 bucks every time and she's doing this for how many co-workers right that adds up like that's a decent amount of money and just to be brushed off it's like if i were her i would be like why do i do this why do i go out of my way why do i do this for people yeah she probably won't anymore i wouldn't yeah this would be the straw for me yeah snap that camel's back

Speaker 2 it done no more cakes for you bitches uh i just love when you use uh

Speaker 1 what are they called idioms is that what those are called I actually don't know.

Speaker 1 Let's look at the word idiom.

Speaker 2 I need to go back to school.

Speaker 1 A group of words established by usage as having a meaning not deducible from those of an individual words. It's raining cats and dogs.
Okay. See the light.

Speaker 2 Okay, so yes.

Speaker 1 Good job. Nice.

Speaker 1 Win for London. Off to fourth grade.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, top comment. And let me ask you this before we read it, because I can just scan.

Speaker 1 Do you also blame the other coworkers in this? Yeah. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The fact that nobody was being considerate or thinking like, no, yeah.

Speaker 1 So top comment, sorry, but this is a collective you're the asshole. She told you when she wasn't available and nobody thought to actually take that into an account.

Speaker 1 Nobody even thought to save a piece of cake for the person who always makes the cakes for everyone else. Yeah.
None of you covered yourselves in glory today.

Speaker 1 She may not be angry, but she's surely, at the least, rightfully feeling hurt. She deserved better from all of you, I think.
True. That's very true.

Speaker 1 That's sad.

Speaker 1 That's like, that just shows she wasn't even a thought for any of those people.

Speaker 2 And honestly, in the beginning, I feel like I was a little delicate and I take that back. Like incompetence is not an excuse.
You guys are being assholes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I think like, I think even if you had a brain fart in that moment and you were like, oh my God, it it was gone before I could even, but how did

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 that?

Speaker 1 But then it's like, okay, well, you should be apologizing then. Right.
Going out of your way and just being like, hey, I'm so sorry. I felt pressure to start things.

Speaker 2 I, that's such a good point.

Speaker 1 It's, it's on me. Like, I'm so sorry.
I didn't make sure you were there or save you a piece. Instead, this person is writing a Reddit and asking.

Speaker 1 How do you not know? How do you, yeah, how do you not know you were rude and inconsiderate and rash?

Speaker 1 Moving along?

Speaker 1 Moving along.

Speaker 2 That sounded like

Speaker 2 one of the Hannah Montana transitions.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 I love that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's go.

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This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Speaker 1 Okay, so this next one is coming from Am I the Asshole posted nine days ago.

Speaker 1 It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Sending a Venmo request for babysitter, hotel, and Uber reimbursement after a dry wedding? A friend from college got married this past weekend.

Speaker 1 The wedding was 45 minutes from my house, so my wife and I got a hotel room. We checked in, had a few pregame cocktails, and we ubered from the hotel to the venue.

Speaker 1 We sit down, wedding happens, it's beautiful. We get to the social hour, as it's called, and there is no booze.
Turns out, this was a dry wedding.

Speaker 1 There was no indication that this was a dry wedding before showing up. I checked the digital version of the invite and website.
Nothing indicating this. I'm pissed for a few reasons.

Speaker 1 One, I might not have RSVP'd yes if I knew this. And two,

Speaker 1 I'm pissed I blew a few hundred bucks on a hotel for the night, babysitters, and Ubers. I'm like, what the fuck? Other friends that were there were grumbling and felt similar to me.

Speaker 1 The night went on and the wedding was fine, but honestly, a bit of a bummer. Now that my wife and I have kids, nights like this are rare and I was pumped to do something.

Speaker 1 So we dipped out a bit early and went out. Other friends rolled with us.
We left in the middle of the dancing time and didn't stay for the exit.

Speaker 1 Later that night, I sent a Venmo request for the cost of babysitter, hotel, and Ubers.

Speaker 1 Yesterday, I heard from my college buddy. He was like, what the fuck is this asshole? I explained I was mad that this was a dry wedding.

Speaker 1 The bride had family that were alcoholics, so they opted to not have alcohol as an option. I told him, that's need to know information.

Speaker 1 Not informing us of that cost me and our other friends a lot of money. He said I should have asked him and not assumed it was a wet wedding.
I said to him, alcohol is a default option.

Speaker 1 If you change the default, you tell people. He disagreed with that notion.
I said, you drink, why would I think it's dry? We went back and forth for a while. He still thinks I'm the asshole.

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 I mean, like, I do think that like, because of the fact that weddings are pretty consistently like

Speaker 2 recognized as drinking events, it just kind of

Speaker 2 is like that.

Speaker 2 Then it would be nice to give people a heads up because of, you know, he did do all of this stuff and he would have done it differently.

Speaker 2 Which, but like, the fact that he said, I wouldn't have even, I might have not gone to the wedding, like, okay, that's weird.

Speaker 2 You're that, so you're literally only going to there to support him because you can get drunk. Like, that's that's kind of messed up.

Speaker 1 That's very strange. Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Speaker 2 So, I just think that, like, I think the one part of this that I like agree with him on is like, it would be nice if, you know, you let people know if it's going to be a dry wedding, just because typically they're not, but like, that's not, you don't owe anybody that.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 you definitely don't owe them his Ubers and like his hotel and his babysitter. That's insane.

Speaker 1 Also, sir, you still got a night out of it. Yeah.
You chose to go out. You left your friend's wedding, all the dancing.
You could have still had fun. You left and chose to go to a bar.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 At that point, you had a pregame cocktail or two.

Speaker 1 Spend the rest of the wedding sobering up. Drive yourself home.
Yeah. You can then release the babysitter early.
The hotel might let you get off the hook early. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Probably not, maybe.

Speaker 2 Probably not, maybe.

Speaker 1 But you save on Ubers. You save on the babysitter.
Like

Speaker 1 you chose your destiny at that point, too.

Speaker 2 He just sounds like such an ass, honestly. Super entitled.

Speaker 1 He's so entitled. Super entitled.
I also think, like, I do understand

Speaker 1 the frustration with not disclosing it in the sense, like, some people do pregame weddings. Like, we, we got on our friend Noel's, like, shuttle bus.
We all had white claws. Right, exactly.

Speaker 1 And even that, like, we

Speaker 1 could have triggered someone by bringing a white claw. Exactly.
And then it's like, oh my God, they, they have issues because they saw a white claw.

Speaker 1 Like, you just don't want to accidentally cause a problem.

Speaker 1 And so it would be nice, like, hey, this will be a dry wedding. Please refrain from bringing alcohol.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 There's so many people like, and maybe this is like a hillbilly, Minnesota wedding thing, but we showed up to my cousin's wedding and we like tailgated.

Speaker 1 Like that, yeah. That's just yeah, more hillbillies.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 I went to a Minnesota wedding too, and like the entire wedding party it took uh fireball shots before yeah before everyone went down so i and i mean maybe that's sad that our society like expects weddings to have alcohol in it but like it it pretty much has been very consistent at least in the united states that i know of that like there's alcohol in weddings so i think that like it would be nice if you if people were avoiding that if they you know kind of like kids like if this is a no kids wedding this is a no alcohol wedding like you know stuff like that but yeah but i definitely think that that's not

Speaker 1 grounds.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's not grounds to treat your friend that way. Like, that's, that's a moment that's just like, oh, that's, I wish you would have let me know.
And then drop it there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's it.

Speaker 2 Move on. That's their special day.
And you're going to ruin it because you didn't get your fucking drink.

Speaker 1 Like, shut up. Well, what's also really crazy to me is he sent this Venmo request the night of the night of the wedding.

Speaker 1 The night of the wedding. Oh, God.
You're so right. You're such a tacky asshole.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 You're an absolute asshole. That is insane.

Speaker 1 Also, like, let's chalk this up. Like, a hotel on average, $100, maybe $200.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Again, you chose to do this. Ubers, 50 bucks.
Babysitter, 50, 100. Like, chalk this up as your wedding gift and move on.
Literally,

Speaker 1 you're not going to be friends with this person after this if you are this. It's entitled.

Speaker 2 I would drop them so fast. Are you kidding me? Like on.
Like, weddings are expensive without alcohol too. This person's spending a lot of money and having you and your, partner come.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You need to grow up. This is so beyond rude.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 I know. I can't believe the night of, too.

Speaker 2 That detail is just actually.

Speaker 1 That's wild. Oh, my God.
That's wild.

Speaker 2 Like, that is, oh, my God. That

Speaker 2 it's just ridiculous.

Speaker 1 You're the asshole is the top comment. The wedding was 45 minutes from my house.
So my wife and I got a hotel room. They quote, OP.

Speaker 2 You write so?

Speaker 1 Like this was a casual relationship. 45 minutes away ain't some destination wedding.
Yeah. You wasted your own money on a needless hotel because that's true too.
Like you're bitching about the money.

Speaker 1 You don't want to waste money. You could have one decided between you and your wife who's going to be the DD

Speaker 1 or like, hey, mom, you're going to babysit our baby. You know, do you think dad could pick us up? Like, if this was me.

Speaker 2 Or take a 45-minute Uber instead. That's probably cheaper than the hotels and the Ubers.

Speaker 1 Wow. There we have it, folks.
45-minute Uber is nothing.

Speaker 2 No, it's not like I haven't done that before.

Speaker 1 We just took two-hour Ubers. I actually technically took two-hour Ubers.

Speaker 2 That's so sensitive.

Speaker 1 It still hurts. Dude, when I literally, I was supposed to roll into New York and when I saw the Philly skyline again, I was like, oh my gosh, shoot me now.

Speaker 1 Shoot me now.

Speaker 2 I was looking at. my phone because I was trying to see if you guys beat us there.

Speaker 1 And you were in Philly. And I'm like, this must be wrong.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I said to Carrie, because Carrie is like, I think they're like five minutes ahead of us. And I'm like, oh, so I thought it just didn't update.
And then she goes, wait, they're still in Philly.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, oh, so it is updated.

Speaker 1 It was so bad.

Speaker 2 This thing is on. It's working.

Speaker 1 And you're very far. Fuck.
Okay, back to this top comment.

Speaker 1 They also quote OP where OP said, I was pumped to do something. And they go, so you could have stayed and danced and had fun at the reception.
You want to be fucked up all night.

Speaker 1 Next time, remember to take your edible.

Speaker 2 Just sneak a

Speaker 2 sneak some stuff in your sleeve.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Next comment down.
They also had cocktails at the hotel before taking an Uber to the wedding. Dude is a crybaby for not being able to drink for a couple of hours.
He needs to grow the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Truly. Truly.
Also,

Speaker 1 this is like, if you're that pressed about not having alcohol for a couple hours, I would really question your relationship with alcohol.

Speaker 1 And maybe this is a time where you should consider not drinking for a minute. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Like that sounds like if you need alcohol to have a good time, that's where I start to question, like, is your relationship with alcohol okay? Right.

Speaker 1 And if you're that pressed about it, take another goddamn Uber to the hotel, rip a couple shots and go back. Right.

Speaker 2 Truly. Yeah.
And that's why it's like, there's no,

Speaker 2 this does not equal the other thing. Like, would it have been nice if, you know, they gave a heads up so that people planned a little bit, you know, however they wanted to plan around that.
Sure.

Speaker 2 But it wasn't necessary. You don't need to do that for a wedding.
Like, and it,

Speaker 2 and the response to it is just so out of control.

Speaker 2 I cannot get over the fact that he sent a Venmo request on their wedding night when they just put down so much money to invite all of their loved ones to celebrate their love.

Speaker 2 That's what you think you're going to do?

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 I hope this, I hope the OOP responds and is like, you guys are right. I'm fucking stupid.

Speaker 1 Please tell me he says that.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 2 we need to come to Jesus moment.

Speaker 1 Account has been suspended. I don't see any comments from OP on the original post.
So

Speaker 1 I'm going to go with no.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Someone does point out, like, scrolling way, way down.

Speaker 1 I have taken Ubers longer than 45 minutes, and they definitely cost less than half of a hotel room. Yeah.
So, like, that would have been.

Speaker 2 Our two-hour Uber from San Diego.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I've taken a lot of long-term.

Speaker 2 Speaking of unhinged around food, that was because of that. Dude, someone stole your Taco Bell.
And you're

Speaker 1 leaving. I literally, I am unhinged.
I fully recognize that. It is okay to be unhinged.

Speaker 1 Someone ate my goddamn chicken nuggets. Oh, it was chicken nuggets.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it was Taco Bell. That's probably happened before, too, though.

Speaker 1 But this time, someone ate my Taco Bell.

Speaker 1 As I was trying to mediate a fight to keep other people from leaving, and I get back up to the Airbnb, someone ate my Taco Bell, and and I said, enough of this shit. I am going home.

Speaker 1 And I took an Uber back to LA from San Diego. I was over it.
Yeah. I was over it.

Speaker 2 I started crying because I came home from a really tough day of high school.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 2 obviously, this is a little bit ago.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 2 I came back to shrimp all in the sink. And I'm like, that better not be the shrimp for my shrimp pasta.
Sure was. She picked out the shrimp even.

Speaker 1 Bitch. How could she?

Speaker 2 That was the one thing I was looking forward to the entire day is at least when I get home, I'll have my leftovers. I started crying.

Speaker 1 I cried like a little baby.

Speaker 2 Especially in high school, you don't get to like go out to dinner just like any olds.

Speaker 1 No, that Applebee's half-off apps. That was rare.

Speaker 2 It was. Well, actually, it was, it was TGI Fridays, even better.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I really am craving chilies now.
Damn it. Or Red Robin, Denny's.

Speaker 1 So good. I'm so hungry.
Okay. We got to move along.
Okay. This episode is brought to you by Kraft Mac and Cheese.
Kraft Mac and Cheese is the best thing ever.

Speaker 1 It's even better than a juicy dating story. Kraft Mac and Cheese will fill you with joy and giddiness without any of the secondhand anxiety.

Speaker 1 Because while Kraft Mac and Cheese is definitely cheesy, it's never cringe. Pick up a box in store or online today.
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Speaker 1 Okay, this next one is a little goofy.

Speaker 1 It is coming from r/slash a-i-t-a-h titled, am I the asshole for refusing to lend my friend my house for her wedding after she asked me for a paternity test, resulting in her having to cancel the wedding.

Speaker 1 My friend Sandra and I have known each other for over 20 years. We are 30 and 32.
Sandra is getting married to Andres, and I am married to Ian. Some relevant information.

Speaker 1 Andres and I originally come from the the same country and even the same region. We share many characteristics.
We both have very round faces, deep brown eyes, long, straight black hair, et cetera.

Speaker 1 If you didn't know better, you might assume we are actually siblings. I met Andres six years ago and introduced him to Sandra.
He proposed to Sandra two years ago.

Speaker 1 I own a beautiful property in my home country that I was ready to lend to Sandra and Andres for their wedding. My property is like a Finca and has 10 rooms.

Speaker 1 Usually, I would rent it out for weddings at a somewhat high price, but I was happy to give it to them at no cost with the condition that they hire their own catering and have their guests strip the beds when they leave.

Speaker 1 The issue. Three months ago, Sandra became more reclusive.
She wouldn't answer my texts and we didn't meet up. Two weeks ago, she appeared at my door with Andres.

Speaker 1 They sat us down, my husband included, and said that she suspected that my daughter is actually Andres's biological daughter and requested a paternity test for peace of mind.

Speaker 1 I was so shocked that I couldn't say anything. My husband lost his temper and raised his voice, telling Sandra that she was absolutely stupid.

Speaker 1 Sandra pointed out that my daughter looks like Andres.

Speaker 1 I explained that Andres and I look alike. She kept shaking her head, saying my daughter would look more like my husband and not like my exact copy.
The evening ended poorly.

Speaker 1 I agreed to the test if they paid for it. The results came back last Friday, showing that Andres was not the father.
We also did a test confirming that my husband is the father.

Speaker 1 Sandra cried and tried to hug me. I told her I didn't want to and that I didn't want to be friends with her for the time being.

Speaker 1 She kept saying her worries were justified and and made a comment about, quote, women from your country being more likely to do that. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 In that moment, I was filled with anger. I told her she could forget about using the venue and that I didn't want her in my life anymore.
She started crying, but I made her leave.

Speaker 1 Her mom and she have been texting me saying they can't find a new venue. I said no still.

Speaker 1 20 minutes ago, Sandra called me sobbing, saying that the wedding is off because of me.

Speaker 2 No, because of you

Speaker 1 am i the asshole should i have let her use the venue at the usual price or was what i did okay

Speaker 2 uh sorry she asked i don't know which one to answer to um no you're not the asshole and what you did was okay yeah there we go there we go done this is just like so

Speaker 2 let's just say that sandra was going through such a hard mental time and she was just panicking and freaking out. Then, and this happened.

Speaker 2 And and then she were to say, like, I'm sorry, I'm having like mental health issues. And like, thank you for giving me that peace of mind.

Speaker 1 Like, that was out of hand, but to follow it up, but then I'm sorry, but people from your country, what the hell is that? It feels a little racist.

Speaker 2 It's, it's everything derogatory. It's like, it's so not okay.

Speaker 1 What is that? Called for, what does that even mean? Like,

Speaker 1 which country

Speaker 1 women in your country are sluts? Yeah, which What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Like, it's so insane. I just, I love that the husband just goes, you're stupid.

Speaker 1 Also, don't you think, like, for Andres,

Speaker 1 don't you think, like,

Speaker 1 you would consider maybe even calling this off on the fact that your wife doesn't believe you didn't cheat or your fiancé? Like, your fiancé is so adamant that you had an affair with her best friend

Speaker 1 that she wants a paternity test. Right.

Speaker 1 You have bigger issues, ma'am. You shouldn't be getting married if you're so

Speaker 1 like in that mindset that your partner cheated on you. Right.
Call it off at that honestly. Alone.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I'm sure he's like, babe, I didn't cheat on you.
That baby is not mine. I'm sure he's saying that.
Right. Like they had to have those conversations.

Speaker 1 And she's still like, I don't believe you. I don't believe you.
I don't believe you. Why are you marrying him? Why are you still together? That's so fucking weird.
So weird. She's rude, though.

Speaker 1 Like, this is so rude. Oh, my God.
Yeah. I get having a mental health crisis where, like, you could be that paranoid.
You do start having those delusions, but then blame it on yourself. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Then that comment.

Speaker 2 Take accountability for your own, you know, whatever's going on with you. Don't push it onto other people.

Speaker 1 Also, don't be so fucking delusional that you're still going to get to use this wedding vegetables. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You need to understand that even broaching this subject is going to have consequences. Exactly.
This is extremely rude. This is uncalled for so offensive.

Speaker 2 Consequences. It's and that's and there's well, let's say that she did this and then she ended up being right, you know, and then it's like, oh, thank God I did this.

Speaker 2 But it's, if you're going to go to those lengths, you have to be so certain. Like you have to be like,

Speaker 2 you have to be so certain that you know that it's going to end your friendship and the marriage. Like that's what, that's what you were trying to figure out, right?

Speaker 2 So it's like, what are you thinking now that you find out that you were blaming everyone

Speaker 2 for an issue that you were dealing with and you were making it their problem? Now you just think everyone's going to be all happy dory.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 2 did I make sense? I feel like I just talked in circles.

Speaker 1 Happy Dory. I like that word.
I don't know what I picked up on.

Speaker 2 I mean, the last 30 seconds. But anyway, we're all on the same page here.
This is absolutely ridiculous. And I know, of course, she's not going to let her use the venue after this.

Speaker 2 Like, that was so offensive how you followed that up.

Speaker 1 It's no common sense. Top comment, not the asshole.

Speaker 1 The wedding is off because she accused her fiancé of infidelity and then insulted your and her fiancé's culture by implying that women from said culture are slutty or have no respect for relationships.

Speaker 1 Maybe she shouldn't be an insecure racist. Yeah.
Okay, good. Summarize everything I was thinking.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Next comment down, she basically implied that not only OP, but Andres, mother, sister, aunts, cousins are also potential slutty homewreckers. The man can't run fast enough away from this woman.

Speaker 1 Next comment, I feel really bad for him out of all of this, but at least she showed her true colors. Hopefully the relationship is off too with how she's acting.

Speaker 1 Next comment, like, well, not next. It's a couple down.
Also, she never even apologized. She just started crying and wanted to hug OP like, yay, you're not a slut.

Speaker 1 And my fiancé didn't get his leg over you. Let's celebrate or something.
I don't understand why Andres even agreed to look for a different venue instead of dumping Sandra right there.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We do have an edit. Oh,

Speaker 1 we got an edit. Let's do it.
Andres was not chill about this. He seemed exasperated.
He was quite upset and basically just agreed to this so she would drop it.

Speaker 1 I didn't include it because I did not see the revel

Speaker 1 relevance for the conflict between me and her.

Speaker 1 Update. They are no longer together.

Speaker 1 Sandra just wrote me an email apologizing and for some reason PayPal'd me 256.

Speaker 1 I always get confused when it's a comma and not a dot, but I believe it's 25.67 euros. Oh.
Anyways, thank you for weighing in.

Speaker 1 Why would she? PayPal her that?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Was she trying to request her in accident?

Speaker 1 Honestly, I'm like, is that the cost of a paternity test?

Speaker 2 Didn't you say like 20, 20 grand?

Speaker 1 No, it's 25,

Speaker 1 6, 7 euros. I think they use the comma instead of dot.
So it's like $25.67, but like Euros.

Speaker 2 Oh, maybe it was the cost of the paternity test.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, interesting. It doesn't, I'm Googling.

Speaker 1 A paternity test, I'm seeing is like 170 euros from this website.

Speaker 1 79 euros from this other website. So like, why PayPal her that awkward amount?

Speaker 2 I don't know. That is so weird.
She's like, get a coffee on me.

Speaker 2 That is so strange.

Speaker 1 That is a lot of donkeys. I had a lot of Dunkin' donuts when I was in Boston and Philly.

Speaker 1 I love the donkeys.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I thought you said that the bathroom didn't like them, though.

Speaker 1 My stomach had a bad reaction to the first day of blueberry. Cold brew.
It sounds so good, though. It was incredible.
After that first day, though, I think I was so cleansed.

Speaker 1 It just couldn't happen anymore so we were good we were good we were good there you go love the donkeys

Speaker 1 yeah this is crazy moving along i'm scared to laugh too much now why

Speaker 1 why

Speaker 2 every time i laugh i'm like don't do it for too long because all of the hate um i love alyssa she seems like a sweetheart i couldn't listen to this episode because she was laughing too much

Speaker 1 Are you okay? And who hurt you?

Speaker 2 People are going to now pay attention to all my laughing and be like, stop laughing.

Speaker 1 Shut up.

Speaker 2 Just shut up. Just don't say anything.
Just smile and clap.

Speaker 1 It just reminds me of that monkey symbols.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along to this next one. It is coming from Am I the Asshole titled, Am I the Asshole for Charging My Roommates a Clean Air Fee to Make Things More Fair? Hmm.
Hello, Reddit.

Speaker 1 I don't usually use this website, but my roommates told me to post on here in hopes that some outside perspective will help us settle the situation, hence the brand new account.

Speaker 1 The three of us live in a three by three and split costs equally three ways, for the most part. I have a slightly bigger bedroom, so I pay a bit more than the other two roommates in rent.

Speaker 1 However, at the moment, I feel like I'm putting more work into maintaining the environment that we all get to enjoy, and that I should be compensated fairly for that.

Speaker 1 I have over 100 different house plans throughout the apartment, including shared spaces like the living room that I have spent hours every week and thousands of dollars caring for, purchasing, and maintaining.

Speaker 1 My roommates have commented on how pretty some of the plants are, so I know that they appreciate having them around as well.

Speaker 2 Okay, immediately no. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 That's on you. That's your decision? No.

Speaker 1 Obviously, the presence of these plants contributes to the cleanliness of the air that we breathe in our home.

Speaker 1 With so many many plants in the house, our home air quality is obviously superior to those without house plants.

Speaker 1 And with COVID and other air quality considerations, it's basically like having an in-house HEPA air purifier. But the plants are natural, so they're even better.

Speaker 1 Because I put so much money and so many hours of work into these plants, I feel that my roommates should contribute to the financial burden by paying what we would call a clean air fee.

Speaker 1 Something reasonable, like $25 a month from each roommate, would really help offset the costs of things like fertilizer, new pots, soil, etc., and the time I put into taking care of the plants.

Speaker 1 I think this is an incredibly fair agreement for my roommates, as they get the benefit of living in a house with organically clean air and not doing any of the work for it.

Speaker 1 They think I'm being unreasonable and selfish.

Speaker 1 I told them that I would be willing to compromise and not charge them the fee if they would hold their breath between the front door and going to their bedrooms. Stop.

Speaker 1 You are fucking kidding me. Which isn't even far.
It's not like we live in a huge apartment. Are you okay?

Speaker 1 So they aren't breathing the plant air that they aren't paying for.

Speaker 1 They think that's stupid, but have yet to propose another reasonable compromise. Oh my gosh.
So I think it's pretty clear who's being unreasonable in this situation.

Speaker 1 So basically, that's where we're at. I'm the one who who everyone gives rent money to and then I write the check to the landlord.

Speaker 1 So if we don't figure this out by the next time rent is due, it's going to be a problem. How can I get my roommates to see slash understand my side of this?

Speaker 2 You are out of your mind.

Speaker 1 You know what I would say if I was one of these roommates?

Speaker 2 I would say get rid of the plants.

Speaker 1 Put all the plants in your room. Yeah.
I don't need the plant here.

Speaker 1 You want your plants. This is an investment for your happiness, mental health, well-being, whatever.
You take your fucking HEPA filters and you put them in your room. Literally.

Speaker 1 I don't need the plants.

Speaker 2 Literally. I would say.

Speaker 1 Go live in the rainforest cafe, bitch. Literally.

Speaker 2 Go. I would say, and that's the funny part.
That's why this is just, this argument is so dead because it's like, if they were to be like, we don't want the plants, get rid of them.

Speaker 2 They're in our communal space and we don't like them here. So get rid of them.
Then what do you think OP would do? OP would freak out because it's OP's passion. Okay.
They're not doing that for them.

Speaker 1 Exactly. This is an OP problem.

Speaker 1 OP chose to buy thousands of plants, hundreds of plants.

Speaker 1 Even a hundred. Like I have, I only have eight plants in my house and my house is small.
It's 1,200 square feet.

Speaker 1 Like it's a small little house, but I have eight plants and I'm like running out of room already.

Speaker 1 Hundreds?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's your personal, personal. That's your

Speaker 2 that's your personal hobby.

Speaker 2 That is not for, that's like, that's like if you and I were to start sharing a place, like if you had an extra bedroom and I'm staying with you or something, and you started charging me for looking at your horse,

Speaker 2 petting your horse, yeah, or like an animal. Like, that's like charging someone because they, they smile about my puppy, too.

Speaker 2 So, you got to start, you got to start paying the vet bills because you also pet the dog and I know the dog brings you joy. So, you got to contribute to that bill.
That's literally what it is.

Speaker 1 Also, $25 a month. Like, I'm sorry.
That's one bag of fertilizer. Like, plants are expensive.
Yeah. So, you kind of knew what you were doing there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And if you don't want to pay for all those plants anymore, there is a house plant market on Facebook Marketplace, baby. Start selling them.
You can probably make some money.

Speaker 2 I just can't believe OP is serious. The roommates are probably just like

Speaker 2 so happy getting the response. I mean, I'm assuming and hoping all of the comments are agreeing with me.
Are they not? Oh my God.

Speaker 2 You just made a face as if no, no.

Speaker 1 I was like, I don't know yet.

Speaker 1 I haven't gotten to the actual.

Speaker 2 I just hold your breath until you get to your room is so insane.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. That had to be a joke.
That had to be satire.

Speaker 1 I don't think so.

Speaker 2 There is something funny. One of our friends, when she lived with like past roommates, apparently the roommate would never sweep the floors.
And so she was like,

Speaker 2 Can you please sweep the floors? And the roommate said, I hardly am am here, so no.

Speaker 2 And she said, well, unless you levitate from the front door to your bedroom, then you use these floors and you can sweep them once in a while too.

Speaker 1 And I thought that was so badass. That's so smart.
That's so good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no one can fucking fly. They aren't Harry Potter.

Speaker 2 Just the fact that she said that, though, I was like, that is.

Speaker 1 That's bold.

Speaker 2 I love that.

Speaker 1 Unless you levitate, then you can, you can contribute to.

Speaker 1 Okay, so the original post, the top comment, you're the asshole. Your roommates have no obligation to subsidize your hobby.

Speaker 1 And the next comment down, houseplants have been proven to not even clean your air. And they link a study from Harvard.

Speaker 1 And someone goes, but what about increased oxygen in the home? They also reply, they don't really increase oxygen in the home to any sort of benefit.

Speaker 1 They technically do release oxygen, but at such low levels to be basically negligible.

Speaker 1 A plant would have to add 8.25 pounds a day to keep up with one person's oxygen intake, not taking into fact that they also release CO2.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think snake plants are supposed to be.

Speaker 1 Snake plants are, yeah, they're good. Yeah.
Also, this person has like a hundred plants, which is like, that's not normal, I would say.

Speaker 1 So I'm sure like they are contributing in some way, given the number of them. Right.
I'd be curious to know how many plants were utilized in this study from Harvard.

Speaker 1 I'm going to look just because I'm curious and I love fucking studies.

Speaker 2 I really want to know what OP's response is to people telling them that they're not correct.

Speaker 1 Account has been suspended.

Speaker 1 I hate when Reddit does that. Me too.
I don't see any comments from OP, though. So honestly,

Speaker 1 they probably ran and hide after

Speaker 1 getting the things. I love that the roommates were like, why don't you post? I know know you go post on Reddit.

Speaker 1 Just go post on Reddit. Let Reddit take care of it.

Speaker 2 Maybe someone from the outside would provide some clarity and tell you that you're insane.

Speaker 1 Craziness. Moving along.

Speaker 1 Whoa-oh, whoa-oh-oh.

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Speaker 1 This next one.

Speaker 1 Haven't read the title alone. I'm kind of like, ah, I don't know.
So we'll see.

Speaker 1 It is coming from A-I-T-A-H titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Mother-in-Law That I Don't Want Her Here Because My Baby Hates Her?

Speaker 1 I don't know what we're getting into, guys.

Speaker 2 A baby hating someone is such a

Speaker 1 funny concept. Yeah.
26 female. I've been with my husband since we were 14, and we just had a baby 10 months ago.
I have always gotten along with my mother-in-law.

Speaker 1 She's a very sweet woman who would literally take the shirt off her back to make sure I am okay.

Speaker 1 I love this woman tremendously, but for whatever reason, every single time she has come over to see the baby, my daughter screams bloody murder the entire time she's here.

Speaker 1 She doesn't do this with anyone else. But literally, the second my mother-in-law walks to the door and my daughter sees her, she is in my ear screaming, hyperventilating, and inconsolable.

Speaker 1 It's literally been like this since since she was born. My mother-in-law first visited when she was four days old and it was the same thing.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 We have never been super cautious about having people over to see our daughter, but like I said, she's not like that with anyone else.

Speaker 1 Like some people, she doesn't want touching her, but she never cries. My mother-in-law is just the polar opposite.

Speaker 1 She has been able to successfully hold her once without her screaming, but it was when she was holding her face away from her and my husband was entertaining her to keep her distracted. My God.

Speaker 1 My mother-in-law comes over once a week. And honestly, I've just started completely dreading her coming here at all because I'm not kidding.

Speaker 1 My daughter screams the entire time and sometimes my mother-in-law doesn't leave for a couple of hours. It is not fun for anyone involved.

Speaker 1 Well, she came here yesterday and my husband is starting to get irritated by the fact that our daughter refuses to warm up to his mother because she's been a huge part of our lives.

Speaker 1 So he suggested that she start coming here more often than she already does now to basically attempt to force the bond.

Speaker 1 I personally know it doesn't work like that. I mean, if the bond was going to happen right now, it would have already.
She simply does not like my mother-in-law.

Speaker 1 I thought maybe it was the perfume my mother-in-law wore, so she stopped wearing perfume, but that did nothing. I told her not to wear her jewelry to see if that helped, but again, that did nothing.

Speaker 1 I've even had her put her hair up, thinking maybe my my daughter was getting overwhelmed by not being able to see her face completely, and that actually made it worse.

Speaker 1 I've told her to stop baby talking to her because she has a very high-pitched baby talk voice, but her normal voice didn't calm the baby down either.

Speaker 1 And honestly, I'm exhausted and fed up with trying. I don't think we should try.
I think we need to let it go and let it form naturally.

Speaker 1 She will warm up to her eventually in her own time, but my husband is basically just not okay okay with it. All because my mom came here to see us for the first time last month.

Speaker 1 She lives in the UK and traveling is hard to get to the US for her. And our daughter immediately loved her and didn't want her to set her down.
So my husband felt slighted about it.

Speaker 1 And as said, he wants his mom to come over now more.

Speaker 1 Well, I usually don't mind when my mother-in-law stops by, but she came by unannounced this morning at 8.30 a.m. And I mean, I had just woken up with the baby.

Speaker 1 She had a long night teething, so I'm talking like three hours of sleep. She comes in and says that my husband told her to come over and hang out for the day.

Speaker 1 She said she cleared her entire schedule to be here. I just kind of shook my head and said, I don't really want to deal with the baby screaming all day long.
I wish you guys had run this by me.

Speaker 1 You know, I love having you here, but this whole let's force a bond bullshit is dragging me mentally. You guys should have asked me.
She looked hurt and said, quote, it's okay, sweetie. I can go.

Speaker 1 And she left a few minutes later.

Speaker 1 But now my husband is mad at me, insisting that this, quote, would have worked. So am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 No, you can't, you can't not run that by your partner.

Speaker 1 That's just,

Speaker 2 but at the same time, too, if I was the husband, I would totally want to force the bond. Like that would be why he's tried.
100%. Yeah, it would be so frustrating to to me.

Speaker 2 Like, if my baby didn't like my mom, that would be

Speaker 2 so painful for me, honestly. So, I would want to do whatever I could to make that happen.
Yeah, but I think no matter what, if you're gonna, you can't just have people come by your house unannounced.

Speaker 2 Like, that's just you have to run that by your partner. That's just an immediately like, that's where he went wrong.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, especially because it sounds like OP is the one staying up with the baby while, you know, it's going through this whole teething process, which ugh, nightmare.

Speaker 1 I can't, just those little teeth popping through and how much they cry and how much pain they're in. It's just, ugh.

Speaker 1 And so it's like, if he's not the one getting up and she is, then it's like doubly like you need to communicate. For sure.
Also, I'm so confused by the title now because that's why it's in this theme.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 I,

Speaker 1 in whatever she mentioned, nowhere did she tell the mother-in-law, I don't want you here because my baby hates you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, ma'am, no, the way you said it was not rude.

Speaker 1 If you would have said it how the title stated,

Speaker 1 then it would would have been like,

Speaker 1 I get your sentiments, you're justified in them, but like, hey, little rude in how you said it. That's not the case here.

Speaker 2 I wonder if she just wanted it to get noticed so people would actually give her advice because that title is like a little rage baby.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's interesting.

Speaker 2 But then again, it's also, you know, I told,

Speaker 2 I told her to leave. And then maybe talking to us because my baby hates her.

Speaker 1 Or maybe the husband is going back to her being like, you basically told my mom the the baby hates her. Like you, you were mean to my mom.

Speaker 1 Like maybe there's some wires getting crossed somewhere else here where people are inferring that.

Speaker 2 I feel so bad for the mom.

Speaker 1 Like, I feel bad for everyone in this. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because it's just like she's just like, it's okay, sweetie. I'll leave.
I know.

Speaker 1 And it sounds like she has an amazing, loving mother-in-law with a great relationship. I mean, saying

Speaker 1 here.

Speaker 2 Does this happen, by the way?

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, it can, I feel like this can happen all the time. Babies go through like phases too of like,

Speaker 1 I think it's around 10 months where like stranger danger is a big thing.

Speaker 2 They said at four days old.

Speaker 1 And I think it's just, there's something about the mother-in-law.

Speaker 2 But like, why is she okay with everyone else?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Maybe, maybe mother-in-law came into the room and scared her and it's just like subconscious in the little baby's brain.

Speaker 1 Like, I don't even begin to understand like babies and baby brain. Like, did you see that one video of the baby on TikTok where the mom was like, who wants to go to the four seasons, Orlando?

Speaker 1 And this little baby who looks like eight months old, the little baby goes, I do. Yeah.
And everyone started this whole conversation now about like conscious babies.

Speaker 1 That shit's fucking crazy, too.

Speaker 2 Did you see the baby that was stuck? It was like a baby. It looked like a

Speaker 2 little tiny baby.

Speaker 1 And she goes, Are you stuck? Yes, stuck in between the couch.

Speaker 2 Sorry. It wasn't, it wasn't bad.
And then the mom goes, Are you stuck? And she goes, I stuck.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, How are you speaking right now?

Speaker 1 You look like you're five days old. Just a potato.
Yeah. It's crazy.
So I'm like, maybe that little baby's a conscious baby. And like, just, I don't know.
But I mean, there's no way as the kid grows,

Speaker 1 they're gonna hate the mother-in-law forever. Like, give her time, like, when she's a toddler and like is more conscious.

Speaker 2 Like, yeah, but I just, it's sad though, because I think that for, you know, the husband and then the grandma, it's like those are special moments that they want to have and you you don't you never know i don't know how old like his mom is but like you just you never know how much time you get with anybody and so it's like you want to be able to have them know your baby you know it's just i feel like the way they're going about it though like isn't

Speaker 1 going to lead to a good bond. Yeah.
Like it feels like by forcing it in the way they're trying to, like you could also be traumatizing this kid more. It's so wild.

Speaker 1 Like you just don't know what impressions certain behaviors and, like, everything is going to make on your kid. Like, they're just, their little brains are just forming, like, there's pruning.

Speaker 1 There's just so much going on up there. What'd you say? There's pruning.
Okay. What's that mean?

Speaker 1 So, when you are little and you're forming neural connections, what happens is like another thing called pruning. So, if you don't use it, you lose it.

Speaker 1 Like, the brain will like cut away those neural synapses or like they just go away. Whoa.
So, you want to expose your baby to as much as you can in those early formative stages.

Speaker 1 Like take him to the park, take him to the zoo, like take them everywhere, show them everything, do everything because there's such rapid brain development. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 But someone's going to be in the comments being like, that's not how it happens, Morgan. But okay, just put it in the comments and let me know

Speaker 1 nicely.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 yeah, it's, it's, it's frustrating. I, I do get it, but not the asshole.
I don't even think you were rude about it. You're dealing with a lot.

Speaker 2 You're at your wits end. No.

Speaker 1 And you guys should have had a group text like, hey, can I come over? Yeah. Like,

Speaker 1 just let her get a goddamn nap in first.

Speaker 1 Top comment. Have your husband take baby to mother-in-law, change the scenery, and remove yourself as the baby is likely reacting to your stress at this point.

Speaker 1 Oh, your baby can sense you better than anyone. Whoa.

Speaker 1 That's so crazy to think about.

Speaker 2 I didn't think about that. But yeah, if the If the very first time that the grandma met the baby,

Speaker 2 the baby started screaming just because, and now the mom is really stressed out. I could totally see that.
Then she's on edge every single time that she comes there. Every time.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Did they just solve it?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I know. We're going to see if there's an update from OP, but that would make total sense too.
Also, because like.

Speaker 1 If the mom is getting stressed, like one, the baby can sense it. Like, it's like no different than a dog.

Speaker 1 If like, you're nervous that your dog's going to attack, like your stress is making the dog more anxious.

Speaker 1 Babies are so in tunes with moms, especially if the mom is breastfeeding because you if you're stressed you produce cortisol that's in the breast milk whoa yeah

Speaker 1 that's what's so crazy too i learned about breast milk it's like if you're um if you're like pumping in the morning and feeding your baby the morning's breast milk it has like wake-up chemicals versus like you should if you're gonna pump and bottle feed and do that you should use morning milk in the morning and then night milk for night wow because there's like melatonin like just natural like that is so interesting and fascinating breast milk is crazy and like if your baby's sick your boob knows and you produce like excess antibodies and like oh my god so you just share a brain with your baby while you're breastfeeding it

Speaker 1 literally yeah literally it's crazy it's such a crazy little connection i just i

Speaker 2 that is fascinating wow now i'm like

Speaker 2 I mean, my parents were three when I got, when they got divorced. Like, things were on the rocks when I was born.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So I'm like,

Speaker 2 I maybe this makes sense why I'm such a ball of stress.

Speaker 1 Honestly, there's like so many factors that can encourage like our behaviors. And like, who knows what this forcing the bond could do for the baby?

Speaker 1 The top comment on this one was have your husband take baby to mother-in-law. The next one down, dad absolutely needs to be a part of the solution.

Speaker 1 Instead of volunteering his tired, stressed out wife for more hours of sound torture. Sorry, OP, but that was really an asshole move on his part.

Speaker 1 He takes the baby to mother-in-law and OP stays home and has some time to herself, which I am such a noise person. Like the door to the studio was like rattling today.
I was going crazy.

Speaker 1 So like I get hearing a baby cry non-stop for hours on end

Speaker 1 nuts. Oh yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 It would drive me nuts.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I've like recently developed a noise. Not with dogs.
The bark.

Speaker 2 It used to not bother me, but now I'm like, if there's a dog that's just consistently barking, like I just can feel my stress levels. I'm just on the edge.

Speaker 1 Same.

Speaker 1 It's really, yeah, it's wild.

Speaker 1 Let's see if there's any comments from OP on this one. The post is still up.
So account is still up. There's only one comment from OP.

Speaker 1 Really interesting. So someone goes, not the asshole.
In fact, give your husband a chance to prove his theory. You step out for a few hours and let him have fun with a screaming baby.

Speaker 1 Next comment down, This could work. As a mother of three kids, sometimes you need to step away and let dad handle things.

Speaker 1 She needs to get used to having more than just you to comfort her and be her safe space. She is also feeding off of your energy and feels your anxiety.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Try leaving before your mother-in-law gets there and letting your husband take care of it. You get some needed me time.

Speaker 1 Also, your mother-in-law could come over more often and just try being there without interacting with the baby. She will eventually get curious of why grandma isn't trying to talk to her.

Speaker 1 Babies are so hard. Just keep doing your best.
Not the asshole, by the way. God, babies are, they seem very difficult.

Speaker 1 They freak me the fuck out.

Speaker 1 OP responds: I can't even do that. Well, technically, I could, but I'm the only one who can calm her down when she's like that, and she is a breath holder.

Speaker 1 If I walk away, she more than likely would hold her breath until she passed out. And the idea of that literally terrifies me.

Speaker 1 I didn't know babies babies could do that.

Speaker 2 That sounds, what is up with this baby?

Speaker 1 Next comment down goes, blow in the baby's face when she does that. It will make her take a breath.

Speaker 2 It's like a dog. I actually, now that I think about it, I do remember my niece,

Speaker 2 like sometimes she would cry when she was little and she like wouldn't breathe. You could see her just like, she was silently crying.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 dude.

Speaker 1 To me, sometimes when I have a panic attack, it's just relatable.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yesterday.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's really interesting. I do think, like, hearing this too, where it's like, I'm the only one that can calm her down.

Speaker 1 Take it with a grain of salt. Don't have kids.
Don't have a baby. Haven't been pregnant.
Don't breastfeed. Whatever.
I don't know how any of this fucking works. But it does seem like

Speaker 1 there could be kind of an issue with that. Like if you're the only one that can get the baby to calm down, you're the, like, she should be able to like have a bond with her dad.

Speaker 1 And like, that could be something where you might want to address to like increase a secure attachment to both parents.

Speaker 1 Right. I don't know.
I'm not a child psychologist. Oh.

Speaker 2 Neither am I.

Speaker 1 Moving along. Moving along.
Yeah, there's no other comments from OP, no updates, but I would love an update on this one. Like, hey, we took advice and here's what happened with our baby.

Speaker 1 And now we're, we're like, it's everything's great

Speaker 1 love it i know because you do want a happy ending on this one me too you do um i did take a child psychology class when i was in high school and it was one of my favorite classes so crazy and honestly i really would love to take high school classes again not college because i don't really want to i don't want to go there but it's more fun when it's like stuff you're seeking out on your own to learn about versus being forced like even if it was a college class because you can audit college classes for free really?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 How? You just sign up as an auditor. You don't get credits.
You don't like earn towards a degree, but it's free.

Speaker 1 They offer it for seniors in a lot of places to keep seniors engaged in the community and learning.

Speaker 1 I love that. I know.
So you can audit for free at a lot of places.

Speaker 2 I honestly want to because I just need to sharpen a few skills of mine.

Speaker 1 I'm down. I'm down.
I'll join with you as long as it's not a dinosaur class because that sounded way too hard. It was hard.
It sounded way too hard.

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Speaker 1 Okay, moving along.

Speaker 1 Okay, this one is titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Speaking Japanese After Living Here for Six Years? I, 34 female, met my 33 male husband online, and we got married six years ago.

Speaker 1 I moved from my home country to live with him in Japan since then. He is Japanese and has a stable job here.
On the other hand, I am a freelance illustrator, so I was okay moving.

Speaker 1 Every day I use English with him. Maybe you notice already, but English is not my first language.
So it is not perfect, but neither is my husband's English, but at least we can communicate.

Speaker 1 I tried my best to learn Japanese to be able to communicate with his friends and family, but Japanese is not an easy language.

Speaker 1 I have to learn how to read kanji, hiragana, and katakana from zero all by myself.

Speaker 1 During COVID 2020, we got money from the government and he bought me some books and dictionaries, telling me to learn the language more intensively during the lockdown.

Speaker 1 He didn't teach me anything though. He said since I could speak four languages, adding one more language should be easy for me.
I tried, but it is never good enough for him.

Speaker 1 He always said my grammar sucks, but I do always have problems with grammar. As you can see, my English grammar sucks too.
He said I should be able to speak like a native at this point.

Speaker 1 So last year, summer 2022, I decided that I would get a part-time job at a restaurant so that I can practice more of my Japanese.

Speaker 1 To my surprise, the staff there like me and they can understand my Japanese. I also now could read and write several kanjis.
I could write my own address with kanjis and read menus.

Speaker 1 Last week, we had a family dinner with his family. During the dinner, I made some grammar mistake, which was not actually quite bad because everybody still understood what I was trying to say.

Speaker 1 But my husband says in front of my family, quote, I was stupid for not understanding the correct grammar. It makes me upset because he said it in front of everyone.

Speaker 1 So I said in English, quote, your English is not better than me and you can't speak my language. Why do you call me stupid? He was so pissed off and won't talk to me since then.
Am I the asshole?

Speaker 1 No, he is.

Speaker 1 How rude. So rude.
To call her out like that during dinner.

Speaker 2 He also just sounds like one of those controlling husbands where, you know, we know somebody who literally

Speaker 2 was married to somebody who would freak out on them if they didn't go to the gym. Like, would if they were out of town, they would like watch like their um, their dot.
What do you call it?

Speaker 2 Their find my friends and make sure that they went to the gym.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what this gives. Like, I know this isn't as intense as that, but that's what that feels like.
It just feels like unnecessarily that's really unhealthy, mean,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 that's really, really unhealthy.

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't like it.

Speaker 1 And it's like,

Speaker 1 I like OP's comment where it's like, I speak four languages. Your English isn't better than mine.
And you're calling me stupid. Yeah.
Yeah. So it sounds like he knows Japanese and English.

Speaker 1 She now knows Japanese, English, and two other languages. Yeah.
And he hasn't made an effort to learn her native tongue. Yeah.
Where's the do you not see the hypocrisy, the double standard there, sir?

Speaker 1 Wild. How rude to embarrass in front of like all of his family.
To call someone stupid for

Speaker 2 knowing four different languages is just out of control.

Speaker 1 It's absurd. Top comment: not the asshole.
Your husband is an asshole, though, for sure. For sure.
Even if you understand multiple languages, it doesn't mean learning another is any easier.

Speaker 1 He definitely should have helped you too. I think what hindered you overall is not practicing.

Speaker 1 From the sound of it, once you got that part-time job and was forced to speak more, then your Japanese improved. So honestly, he should have spoken more Japanese at home.

Speaker 1 Also, curious if he's making any effort to speak your native tongue.

Speaker 1 OP responds, he said he doesn't need to learn my native language because we don't live there.

Speaker 1 My parents don't speak English and Japanese, so I beg him to at least try to communicate with my family. But he said his brain has no capacity for that.

Speaker 1 What a stupid asshole.

Speaker 2 Literally.

Speaker 1 I'm not learning your language because we don't live there. What if we visit my family? Do you not want to communicate? Oh my God.
He is so selfish,

Speaker 1 so self-centered. The world revolves around him, his family.

Speaker 1 OP has made so many sacrifices, and that's crazy to me that they don't practice Japanese at home when it's his native tongue and he could help. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hey, babe, let's cook dinner tonight and only speak Japanese. We'll prepare the meal.
Like,

Speaker 1 that's the best way to fucking learn. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's normal for couples to do that.

Speaker 2 Why do you think that he is behaving this way? What do you think is going on in his head?

Speaker 1 I feel like he thinks he's better than OP. I feel like he's really arrogant.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's like a control. I don't, it feels controlling as well.

Speaker 2 Do you think maybe he feels in like not intimidated, but threatened by the fact that she knows more languages? So he's trying to make her feel dumb about it.

Speaker 1 Probably. Probably.

Speaker 1 I think a lot of times people get threatened over the silliest things and it comes out in weird ways. And I could see him being threatened.

Speaker 1 I think when speaking about like heterosexual relationships, I think a lot of times guys are more threatened by successful women or women that are more intelligent than them or like whatever.

Speaker 1 Like there is a study that says the more intelligent a woman gets, the harder it is for her to find a partner.

Speaker 2 Me and Alhonda were talking about that.

Speaker 2 Because we're so smart.

Speaker 1 It's literally a thing.

Speaker 2 But like, but now we were talking about that. There's studies with money too.

Speaker 1 Money is a big issue. Big issue.
So I could see that being a thing. We do have an edit from OP.
He is not a bad guy. I love him so much.
He is just very outspoken.

Speaker 1 If he dislikes something, he would say it right away. He never comments about my body or looks, but he is very sensitive about my skills.
He often criticized my art style and other skills.

Speaker 1 He said, I am lazy. There is no excuse not to master the language since I am living here for almost six years now.

Speaker 1 Maybe this is me trying to defend myself, but last year I got my N3 slash JLPT, Japan Language

Speaker 1 Proficiency Test, level three certification. He said it must be out of luck because my Japanese is very rough.

Speaker 1 And he said, I should have gotten the level one already because I have been here for so long. He's kind of just gaslighting her.

Speaker 2 Yeah, pull the plug. He doesn't sound like he's your guy.

Speaker 1 He's like like really gaslighting there is someone that will treat you much better we haven't updated on this one what's the update

Speaker 1 so we got divorced oh she listened to me just kidding pull the plug

Speaker 1 that was quick just i think about it well when was this original post

Speaker 2 No, I was making a joke because I told her to pull the plug and then it just happened like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So the original post was seven months ago.
This update is coming from a month ago. Ooh.

Speaker 1 I think about it more and more, and I feel like the six years has been hell for me. I am tired of trying to find any reason to think he is good for me.

Speaker 1 I found a full-time job in Japan with a company and started working there from last January. Everybody in my new company said I speak Japanese very well.
And so far, I am doing great.

Speaker 1 I rented my own apartment and I'm surviving by my own just fine in Tokyo. Albeit, my ex-husband saying that I would never be able to survive in Japan without him.

Speaker 1 I have a crush on another guy,

Speaker 1 but I'm taking it slowly. Thank you all for your comments to me.
I am so glad I posted here.

Speaker 2 Aw, why did that make me want to cry?

Speaker 1 It's beautiful. Power of Reddit and the community coming together.

Speaker 1 Because, like, in that edit on the original post, she went from like defending him to now being like, no, I see, like, I didn't deserve that. I'm done.

Speaker 2 I'm sick of defending him, is what she said.

Speaker 1 It was awesome. I'm tired of trying to find a reason that he's good for me.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love that. There is another edit on this post.
I only use Japanese in the company I work for now and earn almost the same amount with my ex-husband despite just working here for four months.

Speaker 1 My crush now speaks only Japanese and we communicate just fine. I am confident now.

Speaker 1 Another long edit because I am surprised that I got so many responses. Thank you so much for the support.

Speaker 1 Just to clarify, of course, the reason of my divorce is not only because of the language thing.

Speaker 1 I kept saying my ex was a good person and I still think that he is a good person, but he is not treating me right. Right.

Speaker 1 There was a lot of things he had done to me that had harmed me physically and mentally. Oh, wow.
Ma'am,

Speaker 1 so happy you're out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Before I was with him, I was also doing modeling for side jobs. I took good care of myself.

Speaker 1 But after I married him, he said that my looks didn't matter and he disliked me dressing up or putting on makeup. Yep.
Because he thought a married woman should not attract other men.

Speaker 2 Yep, that's, I told you. See, I was onto it with the controlling thing.
I knew it.

Speaker 1 I did what he wanted and I kept telling myself, oh, this man loves me the way I am, no matter how I look. But then I found out he was following sexy girls on Instagram and Twitter.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 He never chatted them, so I let it slide, but I kept thinking about it, especially since he never said anything positive about my looks.

Speaker 1 Basically, he never said anything positive about my effort, except for my cooking. Oh, my God.
I started to feel unconfident. I got depressed and had to take antidepressants.

Speaker 1 Then I gained 20 kilograms in six years. He was doing that on purpose to keep you under his thumb.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 1 To make you think you couldn't leave. You're not good enough for anyone else.
You're lucky to have him.

Speaker 2 He wanted you to feel small so that he could feel bigger.

Speaker 1 Now, after we got divorced,

Speaker 1 I don't have to take my antidepressants anymore. I already lost 15 kilograms.
I started to talk to some guys until I met my crush right now.

Speaker 1 I was surprised because my crush now always said that I look good and nice. He noticed when I changed my hairstyle or nails, says I smell nice and compliments me when I do good things at work.

Speaker 2 And that's what you deserve.

Speaker 1 Why am I going to cry? The other people also said that I look super good now and I look so much happier.

Speaker 2 I love this transformation.

Speaker 1 I want to show you my pictures so you can see the difference between when I was single and married and became single again.

Speaker 1 But I know there's a chance some of you might recognize me and then would recognize who is my ex-husband and it would cause problems for him.

Speaker 1 Anyways, how I learned Japanese is by listening to some songs, movies, and other people.

Speaker 1 And when I can't understand some words or phrases, phrases, I would find it in a dictionary based on how I hear it. I guess a lot of people were asking how OP was learning the language.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But that's irrelevant. She's got it down now.
It's all good.

Speaker 2 I would be curious how the husband took the news that she was getting divorced from him.

Speaker 1 Probably not. Well, yeah.
Once again, thank you for the support. Please wish me luck for my career and my life ahead.
I also wish the best for all of you.

Speaker 1 May you have learned something from my experience and may it be useful for you, or at least it could give you good feelings when you read this update. Yeah, cheers.
I did.

Speaker 1 I love that. I do too.
Absolutely love that for OP.

Speaker 2 Wow. You know what? This is kind of a random thought, but

Speaker 2 I always think about this now because when I was in Argentina,

Speaker 2 this guy that we were all friends with was saying how much funny, funnier he is in Spanish. So he's like, it's annoying because I'm so much funnier in Spanish.

Speaker 2 And you guys will never know because you don't speak speak Spanish. And now I always think about that.
I'm like, wow, it is kind of crazy because I'm not fluent in another language.

Speaker 2 So I don't know what that would be like to be fluent in multiple languages, but one of them comes way more naturally to you.

Speaker 2 So you're quicker, you know, like on with what you say, which would probably make it likely that you'd be funnier in that language, you know? So I always, I always think about that now.

Speaker 2 I'm like, who, who is the other version of you?

Speaker 1 I know. I think that's really funny when it comes across in like music too, like how it doesn't translate very well a lot of times.

Speaker 1 Like, there's this girl that has a series translating bad bunny lyrics to English. Oh, and it's like, um,

Speaker 1 it's if there's one, I just had to Google it because it's so funny. If I don't text you, you don't text me.
Hey, if you want me to, I'll pick you up. I know where you live.
Perhaps today you're upset.

Speaker 1 And there's one.

Speaker 2 Perhaps today you are upset.

Speaker 1 Perhaps today. And there was one, I thought it was like about a cow or something.
And it was like,

Speaker 1 go moo, moo, moo, like moo. And I was like,

Speaker 1 but it's such a bop when you hear it in Spanish. Then you hear like the English translation, you're like, yeah, this, yeah, it's so much better in Spanish.
That's hilarious.

Speaker 1 Language is, when it's like intended, when it's used how it's intended, like it sounds so much beautifuler than when it gets translated a lot of times. Yeah.
Language is fascinating to me.

Speaker 2 I, that's why I always think that people who know multiple languages are so smart because I just, I think it's,

Speaker 2 I think it's so cool.

Speaker 1 I just wish that when I was a baby it was taught to me because I know I could take classes and I could get much better but there's you're never gonna have that like true natural ability as if I were to learn when I was a kid I think people can get really close though like I've been doing babble and practicing on that is like I feel like I'm like getting back into the flow of like when I was using Spanish a lot in high school and college it's not the same as immersing immersion immersing yourself in another country like chill our friend.

Speaker 1 Like, I feel like she is so close to being so fluent. Yeah.
And it's because she lived in another country with a family for months. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But her Spanish, even now, it's like, it's crazy when we go to Mexico and she'll just start whipping it out. And people like,

Speaker 1 people, everyone does double takes because she's the most like gringa, like air quotes, like white blonde girl. And she is fluent.
She's really good. It's so beautiful, so impressive.
And

Speaker 1 I'm very envious of that. I want to get to that.

Speaker 2 Like, it's just I would love that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know. That, that is, that's one of my high school classes I'm going to take.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 2 college class, I guess. So crazy.
But no, I would love to be better because I just think it's so, it's such a cool skill to be able to speak multiple languages. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. I'm giving you a choice on the last one.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 This first one is titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Husband's Kids How Broke He Was When We Met After They Insinuated I Was a Gold Digger?

Speaker 1 Or Am I the Asshole for Telling My Friend It's Not My Problem She Married a useless man? Or last one, sorry, there's actually three.

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole for not appreciating the surprise getaway my husband planned? Hmm.

Speaker 1 Gold digger, useless man, not appreciating surprise getaway.

Speaker 2 I want to say the first one.

Speaker 1 Gold digger. Okay, we got it.
But no. Okay.
Trust your gut. This one is three days old coming from Am I the Asshole.

Speaker 1 Again, titled, Am I the Asshole for Telling My Husband's Kids How Broke He Was When We Met After They Insinuated That I Was a Gold Digger?

Speaker 1 I've 38 female been married to my husband Rob, 52 male, for four years now. My husband's late wife died one year before we met, and we dated two years before getting married.

Speaker 1 He has two kids, 28, Madison, and 26, Brett. Note, I am not calling them my stepkids because they explicitly told me I am not their stepmom.
I am just their dad's wife.

Speaker 1 I didn't play a part in raising them, so I'm okay with that.

Speaker 1 It's always been intense between us. I've tried my best to be kind to them and have been generous when I can be, but they are still very cold with me.

Speaker 1 Being a child of divorce, I can partially relate to a parent moving on, so I try not to force anything. Madison recently got engaged and we are very excited about it.

Speaker 1 Everyone was over recently and she asked about a wedding budget from us, and Rob told her he was able to contribute 10K.

Speaker 1 She had bigger hopes for her wedding than this, so she was upset and kept asking for more. Rob, however, is still working hard on building his savings back up.

Speaker 1 Before his late wife died, he basically wiped out his cash savings, had to cash out his 401k, and even took a small mortgage on his house to cover medical costs, as well as life expenses, since he had to cut back on working.

Speaker 1 Eventually, he had to drop that job for a more flexible but lower paying one. So this $10K is actually really generous for him.

Speaker 1 Rob went to run an errand, and it was just me and his kids. Madison then asked me if I'm going to give any addition to what her dad is giving.

Speaker 1 I told her we were a marital unit, and that's what we discussed together as a reasonable amount to contribute. She then said,

Speaker 1 I should have known. Obviously, you married an older man for what he had, not for what you could give.

Speaker 1 I knew she didn't like me, but this is the most flat-out rude thing she has ever said. What a brat.

Speaker 2 You are too old to be acting like that.

Speaker 1 28.

Speaker 1 28, ma'am. I kind of lost it and said, quote, excuse me? Who do you think has been paying the second mortgage your dad took out to pay his debts?

Speaker 1 Truth of the matter is, I make more than her father by a large margin. I have no debt and have been paying 70% of the household bills the whole time we've been married.

Speaker 1 The 10K we are giving her is available because I've been able to subsidize her father's living expenses for the last few years.

Speaker 2 Did she tell her all this? I hope so.

Speaker 1 I made it clear that not only am I not a gold digger, I am literally wealthier than my older husband. She called me stuck up after this and stormed out.
What a brat.

Speaker 1 Then she called her dad later and said that I told her that I blamed her mother for being sick for her not having a better wedding budget.

Speaker 1 I told him what what happened and he was mad at her, but also said I shouldn't have shared his financial details with his kids.

Speaker 2 Why not?

Speaker 1 It's the truth of the matter.

Speaker 2 Why not? Tell the truth. And also, it's like, why would you, your daughter is going to think that you are just like stiffing her if you don't tell her? Why would you not want her to know?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like, why would you not want her to know how generous? the 10 grand is that he's giving because of what he's working with.

Speaker 1 This is above and beyond. You are not entitled to anyone else's money money for your wedding.
If you can't afford what you want, you need to scale it back.

Speaker 1 That is not anyone else's problems, but your own. Plan for what you can afford.
And if you can get money, that is a fucking beautiful gift. If you can't, plan for what you can afford.

Speaker 1 Bottom line.

Speaker 2 I could not agree more. And I just, I know that I'm not going to get much money from my parents, if anything.
I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 2 We haven't discussed that, but like, I, I just think it's so wild to me how many people think that they're entitled to having their parents pay for their wedding.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 2 That is a gift. Why? You're an adult.

Speaker 1 Why? Like,

Speaker 1 why do you think that you're entitled to that? My mom wants to buy my dress, and that's something I'll let her do because that's like a beautiful thing for her.

Speaker 1 If they want to, other than that, I'm not taking any money. Yeah.
I don't want any money. Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 Right. And it's like if they

Speaker 1 like really want to, and there's no strings attached and it makes them feel good. Right.
Then sure, you guys can pay for the meal or like whatever. But otherwise, like, no.
Yeah. Like, no.

Speaker 1 I totally agree.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, and that's a privilege.

Speaker 1 That is fully a privilege to be able to do that.

Speaker 1 But it's not an expectation from me.

Speaker 2 That's well, yeah. And, and the thing is, is that like, I,

Speaker 2 I just, I would, I would have like a court wedding before I would go and get pissed off at like other people for not paying for my wedding. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I just, I just don't understand why it's the expectation because it is. It's like very traditional.
And I'm like, why?

Speaker 1 I don't get why it is.

Speaker 2 And if you do have people that can and want to pay for you, that's fantastic. I'm not saying anything bad about that.
Like, take it, go for it.

Speaker 1 Like, that's fantastic.

Speaker 2 But to expect it and then be pissed off and moody and say

Speaker 2 when you're not getting enough. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just like Scoofie.

Speaker 2 I don't understand it.

Speaker 1 I think in some sense, it probably comes from the tradition of the bride's family paying a dowry.

Speaker 2 It does. It comes from that.
But I'm like, but why?

Speaker 1 But we're also in 2024 now. Exactly.
Traditions change. Yes.
It can be equally paid. It, you know, teach their own, but to expect it.
And then, like,

Speaker 1 ma'am, you just found out she makes more money than your dad. And then you call her stuck up and storm out.
Yeah. And then you go to your dad and lie.
Your mom was not mentioned. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it is, I feel for them to not have your mom there. You lost your mom due to like an illness.
That's, that's fucking tragic. That sucks.

Speaker 1 That's probably like really bringing it into perspective again and like cutting open that wound because you're getting married and your mom won't be there.

Speaker 1 But that doesn't mean you can take it out on this other person, especially because you made it very, very, very clear to this person. You're not my stepmom.
You're not anything but my dad's wife.

Speaker 1 So why do you expect to get money from her? Totally.

Speaker 2 That

Speaker 2 a hundred percent.

Speaker 1 And I have a problem with the husband not defending her.

Speaker 1 That is the reality. Honey, I love you.
I'm sorry. You're upset that I can't contribute more.
But the reality is your mom was really, really sick.

Speaker 1 And medical bills are the number one cause of bankruptcy in the United States. And I was barely, barely able to keep afloat.
Yeah. It's lucky I have 10K to give you.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 Let's try to see how we can really stretch it and make it go further.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Nailed it. Defend your wife.
Mm-hmm. This is not anything to do with her.
The reason I have 10K to give you is because of her generosity

Speaker 1 and paying for a mortgage that might not go anywhere. That house might go to his kids.
That house might not, OP might have her husband die, and then she's left finding a new house.

Speaker 1 Like, we don't know what this will is. We don't know what the prenup was, if there is one.
So, OP, as of right now, in my head, is very fucking generous.

Speaker 1 Wow. I'm pissed about this one.
You nailed it.

Speaker 2 This is very rude.

Speaker 1 I didn't have to be rude. I didn't have to add to it.

Speaker 2 You just, you nailed it.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Top comment, not the asshole, but you have to know that you're either stuck up or a gold digger to a child, even an adult one, who has determined to make you a wicked stepmother.

Speaker 1 OP responds, that's exactly why I thought I needed to tell her the truth. I'm just tired of that trope.
Exactly. And that's the, you got to clear your name.
At some point, I would too.

Speaker 2 I would, I would say something too. If someone called me a gold digger when I was supporting my partner like that, I would absolutely speak up.

Speaker 1 I'm clearing my name. Yeah.
I feel like there's times in life where it's like, you can either be the bigger person or you can let the truth come out and clear your name.

Speaker 1 And I feel like if you're the one being thrown under the bus and your name is being dragged through the mud, you have every right to clear your name. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 I know. That's why it's annoying.
The husband's like, you shouldn't have discussed my finances. It's like, well, it was me discussing my finances.
It has to do with me.

Speaker 2 I'm being affected by it and I have every right to talk about it.

Speaker 1 So sorry. Yeah.
I'm really frustrated by this one.

Speaker 2 I think that he didn't want her to do that. It's probably like an ego thing too, you know, just like it's embarrassing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's embarrassing, especially like as an older male.
Like, I know my dad is kind of close to him in age. He's 52.
My dad is 65 now.

Speaker 1 When my dad wasn't able to get money and I was paying for things, it was a really sore subject for him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like a lot of that generation, their ego, their self-worth is tied to how much they can make or produce for their family.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because society has continued to

Speaker 2 enforce that idea. And it's just, it's sad that it's,

Speaker 2 that it's like that.

Speaker 1 But yeah.

Speaker 1 Next comment down, good. She's old enough to hear it.
And this is also a practical step.

Speaker 1 It's important that she and her sibling understand his financial standing, not to be a downer, but eventually, if he passes, hopefully not for a long time, you don't want to be facing accusations that you've robbed of an inheritance.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would really, after this conversation, I would start. having these conversations about like, hey, what does our future look like? What if you get sick? What if you die before me?

Speaker 1 What happens to the house that I'm paying towards? What do we, you know, what about a will? Like, because of this, I think this is a really good time to start having these conversations.

Speaker 1 I completely agree. Okay, I'm going to see if there's any comments from OP before we wrap this up.
So, OP replies to someone, you're probably right.

Speaker 1 Truth is, marrying someone older tends to lead to some heavy accusations. And I'm just a little tired of it.

Speaker 1 In the moment, I figured I should have said her straight, especially since she's an adult, not a teenager.

Speaker 2 She sounds like she's 18. Like I

Speaker 1 very immature. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can't imagine having someone give me 10K,

Speaker 1 which is

Speaker 1 life-changing for a lot of people. 10K is like a year's worth of rent for some people.
Oh, yeah. 10K is a new car for someone to be able to get to work.
Like 10K is so much money.

Speaker 1 And to just be like, that's not enough. You're an entitled little brat.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And if you're making 100K a year, let's just say, and

Speaker 2 then you still have taxes and whatever is coming out of it, it's like 10K is more than 10% of what you make for an entire year. If you want to put that in perspective, it's a lot of money.

Speaker 2 Because it's, I mean, after taxes, I don't know how much, what percent that would be, but like, if you think about it that way, it's a lot of money to just hand over to someone for one day.

Speaker 2 Do you know what I mean? So I, that's, that's why I have this whole thing with weddings. I, I, I think they're beautiful and fantastic, but I just hate how much they cost.

Speaker 1 It's crazy.

Speaker 2 It's crazy.

Speaker 1 Crazy. I'm like nervous, but I'm like, it's fine.
At least I save on the venue. We're going to do food trucks.
Should be, it should be okay. It's going to be okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. So one last comment that OP does have is in response to a comment that says, You guys, specifically you, need to have a will in place and segregated money.

Speaker 1 Normally, I'm against separate finances, but his kids are 100% going to come after you and your money if your husband passes,

Speaker 1 including the home you should have equity in at this point. You should work with a financial planner and a state attorney to make sure your assets are protected from his kids.

Speaker 1 Kids from a prior marriage are entitled to some of their parents' estate in most states. So it's important you do this.

Speaker 1 OP responds, my name has been added to the deed since I've paid so much of the equity. We have wills.

Speaker 1 All family mementos are going to his kids, but besides that, all real assets are going to the surviving spouse for when either of us die. There's really not much in his name though.

Speaker 1 His net worth is about flat right now. We do not live in a state where kids are entitled to a percentage.
Only person you can't disinherit here is your spouse.

Speaker 1 We haven't told the kids this, but we are likely going to move to downsize in the next year or so. We want to move somewhere warmer.
That way we can have a fresh start together somewhere new.

Speaker 2 Nice.

Speaker 1 But I I will say, I do have a problem with that. Why? He needs to tell his kids now so that, hey, down the road, they're not shocked.
They're not fighting with the stepmother. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because like if he does pass before her, she doesn't deserve to have to go through that

Speaker 1 on top of dealing with the grief of losing a house. Yeah.

Speaker 1 A partner spouse. Yeah.

Speaker 2 A bouse.

Speaker 1 We're done here. Great episode, guys.
I hope.

Speaker 1 And it's over. It's done.
I will say those last two stories I read for Lauren to pick from are going on our Patreon. We're, we're going to record some Patreon content right after this.

Speaker 1 So you'll still get them. We're going to kind of keep going with them.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, oh, I got confused. I thought you were saying the last two stories you just read to me were going on Patreon.

Speaker 1 No, the other two options.

Speaker 2 Got it, got it, got it.

Speaker 1 The surprise getaway and useless man. So those will be on our Patreon if you want to hear them.
But thank you guys so much for being here.

Speaker 1 Another episode. I cannot wait to hear your thoughts in the comments on these ones.

Speaker 1 These were really good ones. Yeah, I liked this one.
This was a fun theme.

Speaker 2 I feel like a lot of them were like home run answers too.

Speaker 1 So I hope.

Speaker 2 I always worry because honestly, you know, I'm trying to say things.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to say from the heart.

Speaker 2 Well, I was going to say, I'm trying to like say things for you guys, you know, like I,

Speaker 2 For example, when there was a homeschooled one, I was trying to be really sensitive, thinking like, oh, I don't want to hurt anyone that's listening's feelings who's homeschooled or is homeschooling their children.

Speaker 2 And then I ended up like offending teachers that go in school.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, damn it, I'm just trying to do this for you guys.

Speaker 1 It really is for you at this point.

Speaker 1 Like, it really is about you guys in the community and like making this a fun, safe, happy space and like everyone feeling like they can chime in and say their takes and, you know, all of that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But at the same time, we do need to be true to our takes and our experiences Cause if we're just conflating what we're saying to what you guys want to hear, yeah, then it starts to become unnatural.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's not fun either. So

Speaker 1 we're, we are going to have different opinions on this show. Like we're almost 200 episodes in.
I would be concerned if we didn't have different opinions. Yeah.
Like that's just the reality.

Speaker 1 But head over to Patreon. It's going to be a good fucking time.
And thank you for joining us. Until next time.
Bye. Goodbye, friends.