165: Wanna Be a Fly on the Wall.. Ft. LyssieLooLoo

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Speaker 1 We cover a lot of hot takes on this show, but here's something that's just a smart take: staying in control of your body after unprotected sex. Enter Plan B: emergency contraception.

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Speaker 2 We have a little woman on set today.

Speaker 2 I report to tell everyone there is a little kitty on set today. I can't believe you know the reference to little woman.

Speaker 1 I, when I say I've been following you, like I literally showed my fiancé last night and he's like, who's coming tomorrow? And I was like, concrete.

Speaker 2 And he goes, what, who?

Speaker 1 And I showed him the videos.

Speaker 2 He goes, You've loved her.

Speaker 1 And I go, I know.

Speaker 2 Hey, you're going to make me feel like that.

Speaker 1 I want a gummy.

Speaker 2 I was like really emotional. I was like,

Speaker 2 concrete.

Speaker 2 I love it.

Speaker 2 I can't believe. I can't believe

Speaker 2 the reference little woman and concrete come to mind, but that's just how we roll it.

Speaker 2 I love it.

Speaker 1 For those listening and those watching on YouTube, you'll probably recognize our little mascot here, Junior today.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 today's episode, it's got concrete, crotch kiss, aka Lissy Lulu, aka Alyssa Collins, aka Judy's mom.

Speaker 2 There's the intro for you. That was actually incredible.

Speaker 1 I think that's like the byline now going forward.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like it's just gotta carry.

Speaker 2 And this is Junior.

Speaker 2 We have a little mic set up for her, but I don't know if she'll

Speaker 2 she's so cute. She wants to explore the studio right now.
So she's kind of in her.

Speaker 1 We'll see how long, how long she lasts up here with us.

Speaker 2 I'm like, you should be asleep by now, but she's really loving this place.

Speaker 1 Oh my gosh, the videos of her trying on like her reindeer

Speaker 1 or like the bunny costume. And she just literally goes like, she just passes out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, always. Always.

Speaker 1 You literally got the calmest cat ever.

Speaker 2 I should have bought an outfit for this two hot takes, but I was like, I don't even know what the theme would be. Like, I have so many different themes for outfits.

Speaker 1 What would I should have got her something? I should have got her like a little flames, like choo-choo or something.

Speaker 1 What the heck?

Speaker 2 I messed up. A little Reddit costume.
Oh,

Speaker 2 goodbye.

Speaker 1 She's like, Let me wander.

Speaker 2 I know. I'm like, come back here.

Speaker 2 I can grab her too. There's so much fur everywhere.

Speaker 2 I'll just bring it back.

Speaker 2 There's going to be fur everywhere. It's okay.

Speaker 2 She's just a cute gal.

Speaker 2 She's just shedding.

Speaker 1 It's fine.

Speaker 1 She's so funny.

Speaker 1 So the stories I have today, I still don't know what kind of theme I'm working with. It's kind of giving juicy, crazy.

Speaker 1 And the only thing that comes to mind when I read them is like, wow, I wish I could be a fly on the wall watching this happen.

Speaker 1 So the theme today, like, might be like, let me be a fly on the wall. I want to be a fly on the wall.
I don't know. It's still happening.
happening it's developed come on okay

Speaker 2 we need your opinions the first one she's she's gonna feel yeah she's gonna need this she's gonna feel attacked this little woman is opinionated she's got this yeah okay she has all the right opinions too

Speaker 2 she's a cultured queen yeah when i have my like hair up in a bun like this she she doesn't like it and when i have my hair down she's like okay you look stunning today and i just trust her.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, I just get it.

Speaker 1 She did, yeah, she does have opinions about your outfits, too.

Speaker 2 I saw, yeah, yeah, so she's ready. Okay, yeah, let's dive in.

Speaker 1 Okay, so this first story, we're really, really gonna need Juni's takes on.

Speaker 1 Listen up. It's coming from Am I the Asshole titled, Am I the Asshole for Making My Friend's Cat Lose Weight While She Is In My Care?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Junior Juni, do you feel attacked?

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, it gets better. Ready?

Speaker 2 Oh, she's she's ears up now.

Speaker 1 My friend's cat, Juno, has always been massive.

Speaker 2 Okay, is this one of my friends?

Speaker 1 Well beyond the level of a usual, oh, that cat is kind of fat. She was an absolute tank, and she is not even a large breed, just a standard, regular cat.

Speaker 1 Whenever someone would point out that she was bigger than she should be, my friend would get annoyed and insist she is just that way and is perfectly healthy.

Speaker 1 My friend started a global mobility assignment at her job that involved living in Europe for a year, and she asked me if I would take care of Juno while she was gone, which I agreed to.

Speaker 1 She walked me through all the cat matters before she left and told me that Juno was free-fed, and I just needed to keep her feeder topped off so that she could access dry food at any time.

Speaker 1 The feeder wasn't on a timer, it was just a bottle that dispensed food with gravity whenever the tray got empty.

Speaker 1 I told her that I really wasn't comfortable letting her have constant access to food at her weight. She said, paraphrasing here, look, she's still my cat, and you don't get to make the call.

Speaker 1 Either tell me you're going to stick to the plan or tell me you won't, and I'll find someone else.

Speaker 1 I agreed, but admittedly, I wondered if I would be able to follow through on my word for a whole year. I lasted, dot, dot, dot, maybe a week.

Speaker 1 Having Juno around all day made it extremely clear how much she was suffering because of her weight. She struggled to even hop up on my couch.

Speaker 1 I took the feeder away and started feeding her one can of wet food in the morning and one can in the evening.

Speaker 1 I work from home, so the adjustment period of constant yowling for food was an absolute nightmare.

Speaker 2 But it worked.

Speaker 1 She is now 14 pounds after eight-ish months on my my way or the highway diet. And she's much more energetic and mobile.
Even her breathing sounds better.

Speaker 1 My friend though started to notice the weight loss in the photos that I've been sending her and is extremely upset that I went behind her back after I agreed to the free feeding.

Speaker 1 She demanded that I go back to the old way. I said, honestly, I'm sorry, but I don't really think I can bring myself to do that.

Speaker 1 I was like, I know that when she is back with you, that you are going to do what you will.

Speaker 1 But while she is under my roof, I can't just let her gorge herself on food all day when it's clear that she can eat normally and lose weight that would be neglect my friend called around to see if any other friends or family would take her for the remaining four-ish months but no one wanted to slash could she is extremely upset with me and says that when she is back in the u.s she is taking her cat back and the friendship is over

Speaker 1 It hurts, but I accept it. I know I went back on my word, and it must feel very bad for my friend to be across the world with this situation totally out of her hands.

Speaker 1 But I don't know if I can bring myself around to thinking that I actually did something morally wrong. I welcome any and all feedback.
Lay it on me.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's so much, there's so much going on that is so relatable.

Speaker 2 Have people told you?

Speaker 2 So people tell me, um,

Speaker 2 I, I mean, quite often I get the comment that Juni is like, they're questioning if she's overweight, you know and one thing that struck me or

Speaker 2 stroked you

Speaker 2 one thing that definitely stroke me no one thing that strikes me during the uh what she was talking about is that she's a breed that's not supposed to be heavier yeah which rag so juni's a ragdoll and her breed is specifically heavier and much more like

Speaker 2 dense yeah and fluffier she is very

Speaker 2 very fluffy She's fluffy, yeah. And there's different like weight ratios for her breed than a different, you know, kind of a standard cat.
And

Speaker 2 I think that

Speaker 2 did it start out as, am I the asshole? Yeah. Because I almost feel like she's not the asshole.
Because I don't know, like a cat's health is

Speaker 2 everything.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Everything. And every time we take her to the vet, she's always a perfect weight for her breed.
But they always mention, hey, like make sure to maintain this weight and not let her get a little too

Speaker 2 put on a couple pounds because she's kind of at the like average. Yeah.
But maybe on the edge of a little bit, like needing to go on a diet.

Speaker 2 And I always keep that in mind, like no matter what when I'm feeding her, because especially like being overweight when you're a cat and like cat obesity

Speaker 1 has like a really high like link to their their health yeah well their little joints like if this cat I mean she calls it massive yeah well beyond the level of a usual oh that cat is kind of fat totally so it's like okay if it's that noticeable like and she can't hop on stuff or like her little joints start hurting

Speaker 2 When you said she couldn't hop on a couch, it like made me really sad. And I think that

Speaker 2 definitely not the asshole. I think that it's so important to like make sure that your pets are getting the proper

Speaker 2 like health maintenance that they need. And her not her saying that, hey, your cat like may need this or may need to go on a little bit of a diet or maybe work out a little bit more is, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I always think that like a healthy recommendation and also offering your own like positive kind of reinforcement with it. Like, hey, I noticed that Juno

Speaker 2 maybe can't jump on a couch.

Speaker 2 That's not great.

Speaker 2 That's not great for a cat. Like, cats can usually jump like 12 feet.

Speaker 1 They can jump so far.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, they can jump really high. And like Juni, if she wants to, she doesn't ever want to, but she can jump pretty high because she's at like a healthy weight.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it's, yeah, it's just funny because I always do get comments about her being like overweight. And I'm like, if you guys saw her after a bath,

Speaker 1 you can feel like take everything back. Yeah.
She's like, well, she's got like...

Speaker 1 She's got like a double coat. Like it's very, like, it's very layered.
It's almost like a husky where it's like, it's super layered and thick. So it's like, she is a lot of, a lot of fluff.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 When I'm, there's, there's currently a fur on my nose right now.

Speaker 1 When I'm picturing like obese cat, I'm envisioning this one.

Speaker 1 And like the photo is kind of blurry, but like, oh, yeah. Or like, you know, that cat from Adam Sandler.
Yeah. I think it's like one of those movies, his name was like Meatball or something.

Speaker 1 It was like an orange, really big cat.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm envisioning.

Speaker 2 It's not good. It's not good.
I actually went to

Speaker 2 headquarters for like cat health.

Speaker 2 And they, they were talking about how like cat obesity is a number one like danger to their health and how it really affects everything: cardiac, their mental health, their muscular health, everything.

Speaker 2 And so,

Speaker 2 yeah, it's a big thing.

Speaker 2 I think that's also the easiest way to disturb your cat's health is by free feeding them whenever they want and whatnot. But, Judy, what do you have to say?

Speaker 2 Because I know you love your food and your treats.

Speaker 2 Meow. She's not so happy.

Speaker 1 She's like, she's like, I want to explore.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 She's like, I, she's like, I'm done. She's like, no,

Speaker 2 I am going to be free fed.

Speaker 2 She's like, I am going to get unlimited treats, whether you like it or not.

Speaker 1 I, I was worried for this one. I thought it could go either way.
I was a little like on the fence.

Speaker 1 Well, I wasn't on the fence, but I thought the people could be on the fence because like you did agree to free feeding and then all of a sudden like you took it back and like yeah yeah, you're not going by your friend's rules.

Speaker 1 But, like, when it comes to the animal's health, that's what's most important.

Speaker 2 It triumphs everything.

Speaker 1 And so, I don't think asshole either.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm actually shocked that the friend doesn't see videos of the cat

Speaker 1 moving better and isn't like, oh, wow, my cat does look healthier.

Speaker 2 You're right.

Speaker 1 Like, keep doing what you're doing. Yeah.
Because don't you want your cat to live as long as possible, as healthy as possible?

Speaker 2 I'm like, you like, she needs to be immortal. And I truly believe it because I'm just like manifesting it.

Speaker 2 But yeah, I, especially with the context clues you gave, it's like, it's, it's a standard cat, not one of the heavyweight breeds.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 Can't jump on a couch. Oh, it's not good.
They're meant to not.

Speaker 1 No, they're meant to jump. Like my friend, oh my God, he just told me.

Speaker 1 He, he's got a bangle, and this thing can literally jump from the ground to the top of his refrigerator. He like ends up like on the top of his cabinet.

Speaker 1 It's like this cat is the most like athletic, crazy thing, but he, um, Jeannie's like, I can't too.

Speaker 1 He accidentally launched himself off of the balcony recently. He, like, used to jump on the balcony railing because it's like super wide, and he just miscalculated and like fell.

Speaker 1 But all he had is like a little bruise on

Speaker 1 a kidney, and he was like, A-okay. But I'm like, that is a life lost.

Speaker 1 He's only got eight lives left.

Speaker 2 I truly like cats miscalculate, and they're

Speaker 2 especially this little woman. She's off in the distance, but this girl miscalculates.
She falls off on my bed all the time. And I'm like, God bless, because so do I.
And

Speaker 2 she's so much like your mother.

Speaker 1 It happens to the best of us. I'm your mother.

Speaker 2 Apple dude. You take it off after me.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 There's cat fur all over the mic already. It's okay.
Well, that's what vacuums are for. Yeah.

Speaker 2 cruising.

Speaker 1 She's like, I just need to check out everything.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 She's like, is this my new apartment?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's loving it. What's happening?

Speaker 2 She loves what you did with the place. I know.

Speaker 2 She can hop.

Speaker 1 She has really good hops.

Speaker 2 You have a camera right here.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, she's got the hops. She hopped up on that thing.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, she's really exploring. She's

Speaker 2 this woman can jump on a couch.

Speaker 1 No, she's got hops. Oh, everyone listening.
Juni's got hops.

Speaker 2 Okay, this is actually aesthetic. I gotta tell you, really quick, like, she never

Speaker 2 is this awake. Like, she loves your studio.
I'm not even joking. This is crazy.
It should be insane. And she's had to have people's places before.
Like, this is actually insane.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of cool stuff here. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 A lot of plants. They're all fake, so she can't get sick.

Speaker 2 I know. It's perfect.

Speaker 1 It's just like it's a good spot for her.

Speaker 2 For her, yay. I'm so glad.
I'm like, girl,

Speaker 2 do not mess up her palm tree, please.

Speaker 2 You can eat it. It's from a key.

Speaker 1 Well, no, don't eat it, but you can mess it up.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along.

Speaker 1 This next one is 11 hours old. It's fresh.

Speaker 2 Ooh.

Speaker 1 It is titled. Raw meat.

Speaker 1 It's titled, Am I the Asshole for Backing Out of My Friend's Wedding when His Fiancé Called Me Uptight and a Pick-Me Girl?

Speaker 1 My friend Sam, 28 male, and his fiancé Kate, 29 female, and I, 27 female, went to university together for our masters.

Speaker 1 Sam and I are both South Asian and from the same community, so I was quite close to him during our early masters years.

Speaker 1 But then Sam met Kate, and out of respect for their relationship and the fact that Kate was uncomfortable with me, I stepped away and minimized contact.

Speaker 1 We remained friends, and our families are close now. Sam is now engaged to Kate, and he asked me to be by his side and do some of the duties that the groom's sister usually does.

Speaker 1 I said yes, as he doesn't have sisters and his female cousins are very small. South Asian weddings have various such cultures and rituals.

Speaker 1 Kate, for the first time in many years, finally seemed happy in my presence and told me she was glad I was helping with the wedding.

Speaker 1 One of our university friends, who is close friends with Kate, sent me a video that she secretly recorded where Kate was talking about me to her friends. And I was honestly hurt by what she said.

Speaker 1 She called me an uptight bitch and that my husband was only with me because apparently I could be the stable wife with the personality of stale cardboard.

Speaker 1 I'd be fighting.

Speaker 1 She also told them that I was a pick-me and that I always was trying to get her mother-in-law to purposefully not understand her and ruin her relationship with her in-laws.

Speaker 1 She was saying that she is only keeping me close to keep an eye on me and so that I cannot sabotage her any further. For context, her mother-in-law doesn't speak or understand English.

Speaker 1 She only speaks our mother tongue, so I only speak to her in that language, and Kate has made passive-aggressive comments about it all the time.

Speaker 1 I did not say a word at all these years to either Sam or his family because I felt it would ruin my relationship with them, and Sam was happy with Kate, so I didn't want to meddle either.

Speaker 1 I showed the video to my husband, and he was so mad that he was about to go to Sam's house and demand an apology.

Speaker 1 I was just so sad that I texted Sam that I could not be available to participate further in their rituals and that I was sorry it was such short notice, but I think it would be better if we had limited contact for a while.

Speaker 1 My husband, however, was so mad that he didn't listen to me about letting it go due to Kate's behavior all of these years. And he called Sam and yelled at him and even sent him the video.

Speaker 1 Not before blocking him on both of our phones, though. Today, Kate called me and asked me to talk to Sam as he was mad at her.

Speaker 1 And his mom threatened to withdraw her blessing as she now considers Kate a vulgar woman.

Speaker 1 I told her off, and Sam apologized for all of this and said that he understood if I didn't want to talk to him again. I responded politely and he hung up.

Speaker 1 Now I'm feeling guilty about potentially ruining Sam's wedding and my friendship with him and his family. And I think I could have probably handled this better.
Am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 Girl, you are an angel.

Speaker 1 This is like the nicest girl best friend scenario I've ever heard of.

Speaker 2 What did you say? Stale cardboard? She called her stale cardboard oh my gosh cardboard can't even go stale it's inedible oh my gosh okay first of all don't go to the wedding

Speaker 2 don't be friends with these people you're never gonna

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 2 I um I'm a wedding videographer and yeah I'm so random I like never tell people, but I'm a wedding videographer. You probably have so much tea.

Speaker 2 so much tea and I've I've gone to like I think at 200 weddings at this point and first of all a big indicator that like a couple isn't gonna last like the the wife and groom is if there's like drama at the wedding you know yeah

Speaker 2 and um secondly if like

Speaker 2 the groom the groom or the groomsmen have like

Speaker 2 if they're just like

Speaker 2 not good guys, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So it's Kate and Sam, right, that are are getting married. Yes.

Speaker 1 My NHD. No, you got it.

Speaker 2 They both don't sound like great people.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm like, I'm just confused. Like, OP being like, I feel like I could have handled it better.
I think you handled it like really respectfully.

Speaker 1 And really, your husband went rogue and is the one that sent it. Like, you weren't even going to send it, which I honestly think it's okay to send.
Like, he should know who he's marrying. Yes.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't want to marry someone that is annoyed when people are talking to my mom in the language she understands.

Speaker 1 Don't you want your future wife to love your family and like respect them at a bare minimum?

Speaker 1 And it's like, it sounds like she's almost judging the mom that she can't speak English or it's just giving weird vibes.

Speaker 1 The thing I'm upset about is like, I feel like Sam ap apologized for all of this and said he understood if I didn't want to talk to him again. But why wouldn't you want to talk to him again?

Speaker 1 Is that because he's staying with her still?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 If somebody sent a video of my boyfriend just being an absolute, like,

Speaker 2 bad person,

Speaker 2 I would cancel the wedding. Like, I would want to know about that.
And I wouldn't want to marry that person, you know? Like, I, I, I want to know about that information and also,

Speaker 2 why would you still be with that person? That is a,

Speaker 2 especially when people are talking like a different language and you think that's like an insult to you. I especially feel empathy for people in that situation because that's like unheard of.

Speaker 2 Like that is so, you are not a good person if you think that other people talking in a different language that you can't understand is like such a bad thing.

Speaker 1 No, oh my God, the videos.

Speaker 1 that have like Karens in the park, like there was one that went really viral and it was like this Karen of a woman and this Hispanic family was like having a birthday party in a park and she went up and was like speak English and it's like

Speaker 1 ma'am

Speaker 2 go fuck yourself yeah I just want to like run people over like that with a horse like I just want to like just just like bowling people you're done you're done like you don't even need to be get over yourself you don't need to know what's being said even if it's like even if they're talking about you don't you don't need to know what's being said it's such a control thing it's a control thing they want to be in control They want to hear what's being said.

Speaker 2 The conversation probably has nothing to do with you. Nothing.
And even if it does, mind your own beeswax. Mind your own beeswax.

Speaker 2 It's the whole thing. Everything that you said is.

Speaker 2 She is not the asshole. No.
Also, I just learned these acronyms to Reddit.

Speaker 1 Did you do homework before?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I did. I did my little homework.
I was like, okay, acronyms for Reddit before two hot takes. You're so pleased.
I know what P means now.

Speaker 2 I've never been on Reddit before.

Speaker 2 I was like, what is AITH mean? Or what are A-I-T-A?

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 2 What is that? I was like,

Speaker 2 okay.

Speaker 2 And then it's like, not a lawyer is what I'm learning now. Not a lawyer.
If I knew you know that. I'll like preface because you never know what people are going to say.

Speaker 2 I am a lawyer. There's so many lawyers on Reddit these days.
Do you get any legal advice?

Speaker 2 Well, you know, okay, you know how Cora, like Quora. Yes.
Like, I'll always Google a question and it won't be like the first answer is like the

Speaker 2 first good answer is always Quora, but Quora has the worst like setup

Speaker 1 in website history and the answer is like not

Speaker 2 ads, ads, ads, and then there's an answer and then you can't see the rest. And I'm like, okay, I got to start looking at Reddit now because they do have good advice.

Speaker 1 Reddit is incredible. Like I've found advice for ancient coins on there there when I was like trying to get my boyfriend at the time, now fiancé, a gift.
And then I had like a car problem.

Speaker 1 My car was making a crazy noise. And they know.
And they diagnosed it. Yeah.
Like, I can find anything on Reddit.

Speaker 2 They are like IACM. I am a car mechanic.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 I know how to reach.

Speaker 2 But yeah, now, now I know. So, OP, you are N-T-A.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 1 You nailed it.

Speaker 2 You crushed it. You are actually IAA.

Speaker 2 Wait, I-A-A-A, I am an angel. Because you handled this with so much respect.
You don't have to be dealing with these people. Don't go to the wedding.

Speaker 2 Let them get a divorce four years down the line. I'm telling you right now.

Speaker 2 I want to have an update.

Speaker 1 I want to know if he's going to call it off. Because even his mom, his mom is now considering taking away her blessing.
And what did the mom call her? A vulgar woman.

Speaker 1 So his mom might not even go if he continues.

Speaker 2 The one thing when I read these, all these stories, it's like, I can't believe there are people out there that, that just aren't like normal, like normal humans.

Speaker 2 Just like I can't believe there's people out there that are like this.

Speaker 1 You really have to burn me for me to like talk badly about you. Yeah.
And even people that have burned me recently, I would never like

Speaker 1 say bad things. I'm just like, I'm peeved by the situation.
I have personal opinions, but like I would never like go bad mouth like them to anyone because it's like, that also reflects on you.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 it's just not worth it.

Speaker 2 I'm going to take a higher road. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The top comment does agree with you. Not the asshole.
Kate has no one to blame for her current situation but herself.

Speaker 1 I find it interesting that a mutual friend of both of you and Kate taped this particular conversation. So, does this mutual friend not like Kate?

Speaker 1 At least now Sam knows what kind of person Kate is and can decide whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with someone like her. Nice to see you have a husband who has your back.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Oh, I was going to say that.
When you have a partner, like, or a husband or a wife, like it's that person has to be completely always

Speaker 2 hyping you up, supporting you, always has your back. And I'm really glad that OP, yeah right yeah

Speaker 2 has a great husband that sticks up for her he went above and beyond fighting for her i'm really glad when you said that part of the story that was like the

Speaker 2 i was like reflection yeah yeah i was like

Speaker 1 we're good now op responds to that comment glad this mutual friend thinks kate is unhinged period the only reason she talks to kate is because of sam as kate has very less female friends and she never wanted me around her friend group.

Speaker 1 Also, thank you. My husband really is wonderful and he can get very overprotective in some cases, as I am extremely introverted and try to avoid confrontation.

Speaker 2 Same girl. Same.
Bless your soul.

Speaker 2 Juni is somewhere in this room and she wishes you well.

Speaker 1 She's just back here. She's like cleaning her little paws.
I think she likes this. It might feel like a little cave or something.
Yeah, she's like, hey, she's just down here. She's so cute.

Speaker 1 You guys will be getting lots of juni pictures on the Instagram and YouTube video.

Speaker 1 I don't see any other comments from OP here.

Speaker 1 No update.

Speaker 2 So I also went as far as to research. I knew nothing about Reddit.
I like got my own profile. I was researching how people's profiles work.

Speaker 2 You can read their little comment history and everything, right? Yeah. Like you see their comment history.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like crazy the digging you can do. Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I fell down a rabbit hole yesterday. I searched myself.
Don't, don't ever search yourself on Reddit.

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 But yours was very positive because one of like when you search. I have things.

Speaker 1 When you search Concrete Crotch Kiss, one of the first things that comes up on Google is a Reddit post being like, I love her so much.

Speaker 2 Oh, whoa. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you have very nice things on Reddit.

Speaker 2 You're kidding. I do.
I have to have one wrong thing.

Speaker 1 I had like one mean post about like a live show and I was like, I was like, this isn't even true. We didn't, we didn't start late and we actually read, we read seven stories, not four.

Speaker 1 So I was just like, you know, when you have like 20 nice comments, but one mean?

Speaker 2 I have like had people reach out to me and be like, you're on Reddit and don't look at the comments. And it was about how my like lips were so fake.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I was like, I've never got a filler in my entire life. You don't I'm so tempted to create a Reddit account and post my baby pics if you guys want.

Speaker 1 You know how you can tell if someone has had lip filler or not. Oh, it's the wrinkles, the wrinkles, the wrinkles, like look for people's wrinkles in their lips.

Speaker 1 If you don't see wrinkles, any of these zoom,

Speaker 2 can you zoom in? I got the wrinkles, those are real, I got wrinkles galore, and it's and it's to the point where people will be like, you need chapstick. I'm like, I put it on five minutes ago.

Speaker 2 You're just used to the unwrinkled lips.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I was so tempted to make a Reddit account to just like prove myself, but I was like, you know what? This is kind of fun. A little bit of drama.
I'll take it. I'll take it over the lips.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 People are just so interesting.

Speaker 2 Gina, you want to come for the next question?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, she is ready. She's so relaxed.
Okay.

Speaker 1 This episode of Two Out Takes is brought to you by Wayfair. This is not your first rodeo.

Speaker 1 After all of the wild and somewhat uncomfortable stories we read on this show, one thing's for sure, life can be unhinged. That's why your home should be your calm, comfy, happy place.

Speaker 1 And Wayfair totally gets that. My happy place includes a nice sofa, an ottoman to kick my feet up on, and a blankie.
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A lot of my studio furniture is even from Wayfair, and they delivered it, came in, set it up.

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Speaker 2 She's like, let's hear the next question.

Speaker 1 She got her zoomies out of her

Speaker 2 system.

Speaker 1 Cat zoomies are so funny.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 1 And it's always at like 4 a.m. when you're trying to sleep.
And then all of a sudden, you just get like smacked in the face.

Speaker 2 It's actually really sad because I'll like wake up. And I always put Juni's toys in her like little bin in the living room, which is across the house.

Speaker 2 And when I wake up, all of her toys are like near my bed, which means when I was sleeping, she just brought them out. Like, it's so sad.
I'm like, I'm sleeping. Like, what can I do about this?

Speaker 1 Does she give you scalp massages?

Speaker 2 Um, no, she never has. No, but she gives me little foot massages in a not so fun way every single night.
Like, I'll, I can't have my toes out.

Speaker 2 Like, I put the bedding under my feet because she loves just like

Speaker 2 I don't think she knows that they're a part of my body.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, she's just the same.

Speaker 2 Oh, little like piggies out for me.

Speaker 2 I'm like, oh, I guess I am a pig. Like, I got the snow.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love it. That's me.
I guess I am a little piggy.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. I guess I am a little piggy for her to.
I love that.

Speaker 1 I have my cat. She literally would like massage my head with her teeth.

Speaker 1 And it was like the craziest sensation.

Speaker 2 It was like,

Speaker 1 yeah. It was like she was like pulling my hair with her.
It was, I don't know. Maybe, maybe you guys out there will have a cat that's done that.

Speaker 1 It was like, you know, those little brain, like the scalp massagers. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It looked like an octopus.

Speaker 1 Yes. It felt like that, but like 20 times better.

Speaker 2 Oh, it was nice. It was so good.
Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 1 You hearing this? You gotta learn, Juni. Yeah, gotta learn.

Speaker 2 She's asleep most of the time, anyway. So

Speaker 2 the little tail flick. Yeah, yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 Okay, this next one.

Speaker 2 It's 12 hours old as well.

Speaker 1 Titled, Would I Be the Asshole for Dumping My Girlfriend After She Ignored My Calls and Messages and Went Clubbing While I Was Undergoing Emergency Surgery?

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 I I already

Speaker 2 agree with you. You're not the asshole.

Speaker 1 I, 22 male, and my girlfriend, 22 female, have been together for five years.

Speaker 1 We've been together since high school, and until recently, I've always considered her to be my future wife. I've even bought a ring and was planning on proposing over the coming months.

Speaker 1 Well, last weekend, it was my girlfriend's best friend's birthday. She and her friends booked a private lounge at a club.

Speaker 1 Obviously, Obviously, I didn't go since one, I wasn't invited, and two, I hate clubbing or anything associated with that.

Speaker 1 I was actually looking forward to spending an evening alone and just binging Netflix or something. Well, my girlfriend left around 9 p.m.
and I just crashed on the couch and watched some YouTube.

Speaker 1 Well, around 11 p.m., I started to feel this distinct stomach pain.

Speaker 1 Oh, the pain you experience when someone hits you in the nuts. It wasn't bad at first, and I just thought my body was playing some tricks on me.

Speaker 1 But in the span of about five minutes, the pain just kept getting worse until I was basically stuck in the fetal position on the couch. Again, initially, I just thought that the pain would go away.

Speaker 1 But then I pulled down my pants and it felt like my right testicle was starting to swell.

Speaker 2 I did not read this one before.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. Yeah, I definitely relate.

Speaker 1 The moment I tried to get up and grab my phone to inspect whatever the fuck was happening to me, I just collapsed to the floor. That was probably the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.

Speaker 1 Imagine being pelted in the nuts over and over again.

Speaker 1 I did manage to crawl to the table next to the couch to get my phone. I immediately tried calling my girlfriend, but she declined my call.

Speaker 1 I then texted her that something was wrong and could she come home immediately. The club she went to is like a five-minute walk from our apartment.

Speaker 1 I just put the phone down and started throwing up because of the pain.

Speaker 2 Oh no.

Speaker 1 After throwing up for like a minute, it felt like the pain started to cool down a bit. And I grabbed my phone again.
And that's when I saw her response. She just replied with a quote, what is it?

Speaker 1 And like an emoji that's like an annoyed face. Like,

Speaker 1 oh.

Speaker 1 I tried calling her again, but as expected, she just declined it again. I then texted her that I need to go to the hospital now.
She then asked for what, and I just replied with, my balls hurt.

Speaker 1 I then just dialed for emergency services. I explained my situation to the emergency responder and she asked if there was somebody that could drive me to the hospital.
And I stupidly said yes.

Speaker 1 I thought my girlfriend would be home soon and she would drive me to the hospital. I felt embarrassed to call an ambulance because my balls hurt.

Speaker 1 After I told the emergency responder this, she then told me that she would call me again in 10 minutes to make sure I was being driven to the hospital.

Speaker 1 I then put down my phone and went back to vomiting on our carpet. Again, after the pain went away for a bit, I checked my phone and saw that my girlfriend responded with laughing emojis.

Speaker 1 I again tried to call her, but as expected, she just declined again.

Speaker 1 She texted me that this wasn't the time to play games, and she then told me that if I texted or called her again, she would block my number.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 I again tried calling her, but she declined again. And when I tried calling her a second time, I realized she did actually block me.

Speaker 1 I went back to curling up on the floor, and now I started shivering. At this point, I didn't care about being embarrassed and just called emergency services again and asked for an ambulance.

Speaker 1 It felt like an eternity, but the ambulance eventually came and rushed me to the hospital.

Speaker 1 I don't remember much of surgery since I was sedated, but I remember waking up eventually and my right testicle was being stitched together.

Speaker 1 The doctor informed me that I had testicular torsion and I was extremely lucky to reach the hospital in time.

Speaker 1 I could have easily have been forced to surgically remove my testicle.

Speaker 1 I checked my phone and saw the missed calls and messages my girlfriend left me. In summary, she came home from clubbing and smelled the vomit in our carpet.

Speaker 1 When she saw the vomit on the floor, she got mad and tried searching the apartment to find me. When she realized realized I wasn't there, only then did it hit her that I was actually being serious.

Speaker 1 I just texted her in which hospital I was staying at and my room number and then went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and saw my girlfriend sleeping on the couch next to my hospital bed.

Speaker 1 After she woke up, she started bombarding me with apologies. She thought I was joking, that I was trying to ruin their night, etc.

Speaker 1 I didn't have the energy to argue, so I just kept quiet. I was beyond hurt by what she did, and I wanted to break up with her then and there.

Speaker 1 Why the fuck would somebody ignore messages where their partner is begging them to come home? Not only that, she stayed in the club until 3 a.m. and didn't even consider going home to check on me.

Speaker 1 She did stay with me in the hospital for the remaining two days, I was admitted there, and did take good care of me, but I was still beyond pissed at her.

Speaker 1 Ever since coming home yesterday, I've been wanting to dump her, but at the same time, I feel like she genuinely thought I was joking and made a mistake.

Speaker 1 I feel conflicted and don't know how to proceed with this situation. Would I be the asshole if I dumped her? Am I overreacting?

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 for me,

Speaker 2 I feel like people are always so quick to say,

Speaker 2 dump him, like dump her. You know, people are always so quick to say, I feel like this is so justified

Speaker 2 now that that she knows what happened. And also

Speaker 2 the only thing that's holding me back from

Speaker 2 like going full force, like, yes, dumper, is that he responded to her by saying, my balls hurt. And that's it.

Speaker 2 And there was never any more context.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 2 That's the only thing. And you are not in the wrong, OP,

Speaker 2 but.

Speaker 2 Maybe a little bit more context like, hey, I'm actually dying and my balls are

Speaker 2 doing something

Speaker 1 very dangerous. I know, because like she could have interpreted that as like

Speaker 1 a sexual thing. Like, exactly.
Oh, like, like blue balls. Like, you just want me to come home so we can have that.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I'm really annoyed where it's like, okay, he keeps calling you. Just answer the phone.

Speaker 2 Answer.

Speaker 1 Answer the phone. Like, come on, girl.
Like. It's clearly dire.
Yes. Step into the bathroom, answer the phone, see what's actually going on, and then you can decide if it's like leave the club worthy.

Speaker 1 But also, you live five minutes away, run home real quick

Speaker 1 and use the bathroom there, two birds, one stone, because the club's probably got a line, and then go back to the club.

Speaker 2 Like the part that's so messed up to me is that, and probably Junior, I'm like,

Speaker 2 she's, she agrees, but

Speaker 2 is that she blocked him. When will you?

Speaker 2 When do you ever block your own boyfriend? Ever, ever. I can't imagine blocking my own boyfriend.
That's ever.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 And then I'm like, I'm like, is there more context we're missing where like he's cried wolf before? Like where she's been at the club and been like, can you come home? Like, I'm not feeling well.

Speaker 1 Like, is this like a little boy who cried wolf story? Or like, why did she automatically go to assuming, oh, I thought you were just trying to ruin my night?

Speaker 2 I would never have situations where he's like, my balls hurt. Like, I need you to come like

Speaker 2 fix them. Yeah.
That's the only scenario where I can think of.

Speaker 1 I'm like really perplexed.

Speaker 2 Where OP would be in the wrong, you know, I know. It's like the boy who cried balls.

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 1 can't even imagine what this feels like, but I have seen that.

Speaker 1 Like, there was one study that said, like, I know, like, childbirth is worse than a heart attack, but getting kicked in the nuts can feel like a minor like chest pain. I actually

Speaker 2 do know a guy

Speaker 2 that lost a ball and he said it was no big D.

Speaker 2 So ironic. So punny.

Speaker 2 Oh my god.

Speaker 2 So not anymore.

Speaker 2 Not with one leg. It was a big D, but it was no big D.

Speaker 2 I knew him from like, like, high school or something. It was just so like distant,

Speaker 2 it was like, it wasn't like a huge thing.

Speaker 1 No, I honestly, I would love, now I'm like so curious, I would love to see anatomy with both balls like gone. Like I had a guy friend from high school that he got testicular cancer like.

Speaker 1 a year out of high school or two years out of high school. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so and they can remove it and they can put it in like artificial, it's just like a boob job. Oh, yeah.
They can put it in like an artificial ball.

Speaker 1 Why did I not even consider that? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then you're just like, ready to go.
And I guess your other like sack also like makes up for the lost sack. If you only lose one.
If you only lose one test of

Speaker 2 so much

Speaker 2 overproducing potential. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So human bodies.

Speaker 1 It's crazy.

Speaker 2 I'm like, what do you think of this junior?

Speaker 1 She's like, leave me out of the chest.

Speaker 2 She's never been like a boycat in her life. She has no idea what's going on.

Speaker 2 But she does love men. She does love men.
So she, yeah, she's like, yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm interested. I'm intrigued.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Top comment, former paramedic here, dude, when you're in that level of pain, don't call your fucking girlfriend. Call emergency services.
There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, and not the asshole, but your girlfriend is. And next comment down, they have a strong disconnect in communication styles.

Speaker 1 If they get married before figuring it out, they're going to blame each other.

Speaker 1 One comment down goes, what is her communication style in this scenario?

Speaker 2 Like, she didn't communicate. Her communication style is blocking.
That's not a good one.

Speaker 1 I just, like, can't imagine like ever just brushing my partner off.

Speaker 2 Like, ever.

Speaker 1 Being like, answer the phone, like, answer the phone. And you get called repeatedly.
Like, the minute someone calls me more than two times. I'm like expecting bad news.

Speaker 2 I'm like, yes.

Speaker 1 I get such bad anxiety if my mom calls me more than once.

Speaker 2 If my mom even calls me once, I'm like, something bad happened. Dude, I've never blocked somebody in my entire life because you never, like, you just never know.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 2 Like, what if you? I don't know. It's a whole thing.

Speaker 1 I feel bad blocking telemarketers because I'm like,

Speaker 1 what if that actually was my bank that called me?

Speaker 2 What if there's like a heist going on while they're like telemarketing and they need my like, they're like, please, like, I know I'm a telemarketer right now, but like, there's a, there's a robbery at my telemarketing space.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm like, okay,

Speaker 2 go find cover.

Speaker 1 dude i've been getting so many scam calls from um like other countries lately and i will accept it because i want to know what the deal is like no don't i'm so curious if there's any comments from op on this one let's check their profile now that i know i think they reply they do reply to that comment about like why would you call your girlfriend first like like kind of like kind of shaming him And honestly, like, depending on where OP lives,

Speaker 1 like, it's so expensive to get an ambulance. Like, totally.
If I knew my partner was five minutes away, I'd, I'd probably call my partner too.

Speaker 2 I don't even, I don't even relate to that question because I do call my boyfriend when anything goes wrong because he's the one to like

Speaker 2 let me know if I should be calling the emergency services or just like kind of like calming me down. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Didn't you see that trend on TikTok? It was people talking about why they called so-and-so first before 9-1-1.
No, I never saw it. It was like a trend, and they were like,

Speaker 1 like kind of a quote, and they're like, Wait, why would you call your husband before calling 9-1-1?

Speaker 1 And then it was like a ring doorbell of their husband like speeding in the driveway.

Speaker 2 I did see that, yeah. And it was like, I'm glad you called your husband and not like 911.
My husband got there first. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so they cared about you so much. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so a bunch of people were posting stuff like that. And like multiple times, like their partner or family or whoever got there before 9-1-1 did.
Totally.

Speaker 2 100%. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like that's kind of weird to shame him about.

Speaker 2 Totally. And I get very dramatic about things.
And it's really glad that I don't call 911. And I call my boyfriend because he'll be like, this is literally no big deal at all.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, you're right. And he sings a little song to me called, It's Okay, It's Gonna Be Okay.

Speaker 2 I need that song. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's not on Spotify yet because let me tell you my panic attacks lately.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's going to be okay. You just sing yourself that little song and

Speaker 2 believe it, you know?

Speaker 2 I'll send you the little

Speaker 2 voice. Yeah, voice memo.

Speaker 1 We should really turn it into a song. I know.

Speaker 2 We'll see. We'll see.

Speaker 1 That'd be good. Opie does say, though, when you're going through that type of pain, do you fucking think ahead? Question mark? I swear, I need to log half of you off.
You have to be bots.

Speaker 1 Which, like, that is just, no. don't shame him.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 She just went through something very emotional.

Speaker 2 When you're going through pain, and especially it sounds like ball pain sounds not good, you're not rational. You're not rational.

Speaker 2 I can only imagine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you think this is breakup worthy?

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 1 she did apologize. Yeah.
So there's lots of comments asking OP, like, did she actually apologize?

Speaker 2 I think she's definitely the asshole. I don't, I don't, I'm like 50-50 on the breakup worthy thing

Speaker 2 because of the her only or him only texting her, my balls hurt.

Speaker 2 That's the only thing, but your balls did hurt so much that you probably didn't think about, hey, I should probably say, I feel like I'm dying right now, you know? So, yeah, that's my only thing.

Speaker 1 There is a little bit more context here, too.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh,

Speaker 1 probably should have included this in the post for us.

Speaker 1 He does, he does prank her sometimes,

Speaker 1 and so he does say, All of my pranks

Speaker 1 go in that direction. Let me see what this is.
Is in response to it.

Speaker 2 We literally said, Hey, if this is the guy who's the ball guy who's crying wolf over his balls, then I can understand where the girlfriend's coming from.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So someone commented, Is that the only prank you've done? If so, no.
So I think OP shared like somewhere else where they had done pranks before.

Speaker 1 Oh, now I'm just, I just got to find all the details.

Speaker 2 Go into their profile.

Speaker 1 All the details. Apparently, he would buy her bracelets and hide them in empty chip bags as a prank.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that's necessarily

Speaker 2 anything to do with balls. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So people are like, do all of your pranks go like this? It's like, if that's the only one you've done, if so, no. And you're entirely justified in being upset.
I agree.

Speaker 1 If no, then include all of the pranks. Yeah.
If you're leaving details out.

Speaker 2 let us know about every single prank.

Speaker 1 And maybe they were all innocent, but you can't expect accurate feedback if you don't include relevant details. And if she assumed it was a prank, then all pranks are relevant details.

Speaker 2 100%.

Speaker 1 And OP respond, all of my pranks do go in that direction. I've never done a prank where I faked being in danger to get her attention.

Speaker 2 Okay, then you are totally fine. Yeah.
If you were like,

Speaker 1 if you were, that's what I think we kind of said at the beginning, like, is there context of like him crying wolf in the past?

Speaker 2 Like, have you pulled any more ball jokes or

Speaker 2 dick and ball jokes? Or health pranks in general? Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 That was...

Speaker 1 He should have put that in there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 The only other thing that I can think of is like, you know, kind of sexual pranks where he's like, my.

Speaker 1 Come home. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I need help. Yeah, yeah.
I need help showers. Exactly.
My balls are. I got blue balls.
That's That's all I can think of. I know.
It doesn't sound like that, though. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, hiding a bracelet in an empty chip bag. That's it.
I'll take that prank all day.

Speaker 2 Great prank, Ophi. Great prank.

Speaker 1 Are we talking tennis bracelet? What are we working with here?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Tennis bracelet? I would love a prank like that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Seriously.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along. Maybe we'll get an update on that one.

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Speaker 2 She's really nibbling on that thing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Some intermission treats. There you go.

Speaker 1 Okay, so this next one is coming from Am I the Asshole? A-I-T-A.

Speaker 1 It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Ignoring My Husband During Our Flight When He Expressed Anxiety Over Flying.

Speaker 1 I, 33 female, recently married my husband, 30 male, and we took a three-hour flight to Mexico for our honeymoon. I fly a lot for my job, so I have racked up a lot of miles.

Speaker 1 My husband isn't a big fan of flying, though he has gotten better and tends to just hold my hand and close his eyes during takeoff and landing. Mostly okay when we're in the air.

Speaker 1 When I booked our flights, I requested to use my points if an upgrade to business class became available, but made it clear I only wanted this upgrade if two seats were available.

Speaker 1 And then I basically forgot about it. Then comes the day of our flight.
I was so excited for this trip. I checked us in online.
All is going well.

Speaker 1 And then when we go to board, the person scanning our boarding passes stops us. She says it seems that my husband was upgraded to business class, but only

Speaker 1 him and asks if that is okay. I immediately say, no, we are on our honeymoon and would like to stay together.
But then my husband jumps in and says, quote, no, it's fine. I'll go in business class.

Speaker 1 I look at him in complete shock and he tells me that I fly all the time and have been in business class before, but he hasn't. So he deserves a chance to experience it.

Speaker 1 I see we are holding up the line, so I feel like I just need to agree and get on the plane. To say I am pissed off is an understatement.

Speaker 1 He is all smiles, taking his seat, and I go back to the seat where they sit me next to an old woman with a baby on her lap where my husband should be.

Speaker 1 Within maybe five to ten minutes of sitting there, trying to hold back tears because my husband left me alone on our flight during during our honeymoon and uses my points for his upgrade no less.

Speaker 1 He starts to text me saying he feels anxiety over flying.

Speaker 2 Oh no.

Speaker 1 I ignore the text and stop looking at my phone.

Speaker 1 Within maybe an hour after we are in the air, he comes to the back of the plane to find me, offers me half of his business class breakfast and asks me if I was ignoring him and that he was scared and needed me to tell him that it would be okay since I am such an experienced flyer.

Speaker 1 I told him maybe he should have thought about that before leaving me alone before our honeymoon even really began.

Speaker 1 He gets angry, tells me that this may be the only time he gets to fly business class, and he was giving me half his breakfast to make up for it.

Speaker 1 So the least I could be is supportive of his genuine fear. I roll my eyes, sarcastically say, thanks, and he goes back to his seat.

Speaker 1 When we land, I try to just move on and forget about it so that we could enjoy our honeymoon. But he guilt-tripped me about not comforting him via text before takeoff.

Speaker 1 And now I am wondering if I'm being unreasonable and should have just let him enjoy his first time in business class and ensured him it would be okay.

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 This one's so like, it's kind of just silly, you know? It's not like

Speaker 2 it's like a life or death situation, but it is kind of silly.

Speaker 1 Well, and there are some other votes too. Like, there's no assholes here.
So, like, neither one of them is the asshole. Or it could be everyone sucks here.

Speaker 1 And they're both just kind of assholes. So, this is this is kind of a trickier one.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I have got to say, I think that neither are the asshole. I think that both people are kind of justified in their own feelings.
For me, I like,

Speaker 2 I don't know, it would be, I feel like, super lucky because I feel like my, my boyfriend now would,

Speaker 2 if they were like, one of you has an upgrade, he'd be like, it's literally, of course, going to you. Like, there's no question about it.
Keeper. Yeah, yeah.
A keeper.

Speaker 2 And that's where I'd feel like she is kind of justified in her feeling. She's like, why? I don't know if it was interchangeable to the other person.

Speaker 1 It probably would have been.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I feel like it was.

Speaker 1 And it was also like her personal points.

Speaker 2 Her points. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Like, she's spending a lot of money to like get those points and miles. And like, then he just takes it without really being like, well, babe, you should, you should take it.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Yeah.
He was like so quick about it. He does have, okay, here's my thing.
He does have like severe flight anxiety, but how does being in business class like

Speaker 2 help that dodge? Does it make it better? Maybe have a little bit more space. And if anything, you're probably like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 But like, why wouldn't he think in that moment, like, oh, I'm going to be separated?

Speaker 2 i usually have an easier time flying with my partner maybe i should stick with my partner yeah she can comfort me he's slightly the oh he's definitely the asshole if he just like took it without i don't know if she couldn't have gotten the business upgrade and only he could

Speaker 2 he's not the asshole but if if there was an option to give it to your wife who got it with the points especially first of all she's the like lady and then she got it with the points and i'm like that is, that is reason enough to like offer it to your wife.

Speaker 1 And like the

Speaker 1 reality is you're going to get an opportunity to sit up there again. Yeah.
And like do it when it's the two of you together because experiencing it together for the first time is so much better.

Speaker 1 Like I remember the first time. I got one of those pods, like the sleeper, like where it lies down.
I like found some like TikTok point hack. And so I bought points for like $500

Speaker 1 and then put myself and my fiancé on the upgrade list.

Speaker 1 We both got upgraded. So we got pods from LA to London for $500

Speaker 2 extra.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 It was the most insane hack. And I go, damn, those TikTok points people, they mean business.

Speaker 2 But like,

Speaker 1 experiencing that together and like getting like champagne poured together,

Speaker 1 like that was so special. Like, if only one of us would have got upgraded, I would have felt bad and lonely and like just not good about it.

Speaker 2 I can't believe that he didn't offer, or like, at least

Speaker 2 even

Speaker 2 if you got the business upgrade, at least like decline that if your other, if your fiancé or wife at this point can't

Speaker 2 wife can't get the business upgrade with you. Like, that is so, so weird.
You, I would, okay.

Speaker 2 For me,

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I kind of think if I got the upgrade and my boyfriend did it,

Speaker 2 it would be a no-brainer.

Speaker 1 He'd be like, Yeah, go for it. Mine would too.

Speaker 2 Like, oh, yeah, exactly. And I would do it.
Like, I wouldn't be like declining it.

Speaker 2 But especially since he's the one that's already requesting that they fly together and that they're together, why are you not saying, hey, I don't need business upgrade, like, put me in the economy with my wife?

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm just like no assholes here. Like this is just a couple spat and like he kind of

Speaker 1 asked for like, you know what I mean? Like he's the one that chose to be up there. Yeah.
And like phones sometimes don't work on airplanes anyways. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he had to kind of go up there with the understanding of like you guys are separated. Like you might not be able to talk.
So totally. That's kind of like you messed with the bull.

Speaker 1 You're getting the horns of the flight anxiety or like be careful what you wish for. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because that's just how it is. So, no, like she's back there in tears.
Like, and then it's like, what, you're going to comfort him when he's the one that chose to leave you?

Speaker 1 No, no, like, just move on. But he shouldn't be guilt tripping you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, definitely not. I speak.
I think I would hold a grudge for a couple of days. I don't know.
I just

Speaker 2 sometimes as like the girlfriend, I feel like a little bit more.

Speaker 2 She's like, hey, goes what we chatted about.

Speaker 2 She's just like, I feel a little bit more like, okay,

Speaker 2 with being

Speaker 2 like,

Speaker 2 I don't know. I, I actually am in the same situation where I use my points to pay for me and my boyfriend's flights a lot.
And it's my, I'm like, I love doing it for you. I love paying with my points.

Speaker 2 And especially in that situation, especially if I was paying with my points and he got upgraded,

Speaker 2 he would not let that happen.

Speaker 2 He wouldn't let, he would be like, no, you're going to get the upgrade and i'll be in the back even if he had flight anxiety yeah so i feel like the you know the husband's a little bit

Speaker 2 it's it's a silly situation it's not something like crazy but you are a little bit the asshole but that i'm leaning towards not neither of you are the assholes

Speaker 1 top comment ask info did you get stuck in a middle seat in economy

Speaker 2 if so we ride at dawn yeah yeah agreed honestly especially with a baby. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Babies deserve to fly. I'm on that

Speaker 1 train, but

Speaker 1 I don't want to sit next to the baby that cries. No.

Speaker 1 OP responds, thank God, no.

Speaker 1 I'll seat. We have flown together three times in the past, Florida, Vegas, and Europe, and made a deal to alternate if one of us had a middle seat.

Speaker 1 I think the flight was overbooked, and they just gave a random person in a middle seat an upgrade to business class so they could fit more people in economy.

Speaker 1 I have status that allows me to use 500 points to upgrade if they have seats available.

Speaker 1 Usually, I don't bother putting myself on the upgrade list, but the agent I spoke to on the phone said she could ensure we'd be upgraded as a couple or not at all.

Speaker 1 That's interesting.

Speaker 2 That is really interesting. Why are they trying to like split up couples?

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 I flew Frontier for the first time the other day, and like I had a reservation with three people on it, and I paid for two carry-on bags for my dad and fiancé.

Speaker 1 And they literally gave them boarding zone one and sat them together. But I didn't pay for the carry-on because, like, I didn't need it.

Speaker 1 They gave me boarding zone 99 and put me in the very last row away from the two of them.

Speaker 2 That's even a thing, boarding zone 99.

Speaker 1 It was for me.

Speaker 2 They were specifically like, this girl's going. You don't pay.
Dead last.

Speaker 1 You are the last one on a flight.

Speaker 2 Wow, they really consequence you. I started crying.
Oh, I don't blame you.

Speaker 1 I was like, I don't want to sit by myself.

Speaker 2 Oh, that is actually really sad. Did he sit by yourself?

Speaker 1 No, my dad traded with him.

Speaker 2 Oh, see, he's such a guy. I feel like, yeah.
Yeah. I've never been in a situation where I've been with a guy in a plane and I don't,

Speaker 2 and they like, don't get the worser seat or worse seat than me.

Speaker 1 I literally saw a video of someone being like, who has like the flying princess boyfriend?

Speaker 1 The boyfriend that always has to have the window or he's mad. I got the biggest biggest ick

Speaker 2 who does because gross yeah and you should break up

Speaker 1 yeah yeah like he's not gonna give you the window one time

Speaker 2 done yta yta

Speaker 2 you're the asshole for that

Speaker 2 i'm really using my

Speaker 2 red acronyms on this podcast because

Speaker 2 i just learned about them and i'm I'm ready to use them.

Speaker 2 You're ready. You're trying to.
The TA. You're trying to.
If you're the boyfriend, airplane princess.

Speaker 1 You're trying to secure your spot on another episode.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I got it, Reddick.

Speaker 1 I know the lingo.

Speaker 1 There is a comment. There's a lot of just like not the asshole or like no one, no assholes here.
Yeah. And there is another one that's like, I'm usually pretty team.

Speaker 1 Married couples can sit apart for a few hours on a plane, but this is their honeymoon. Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 2 I forgot that's their honeymoon.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, I'd be pissed.

Speaker 2 Husband, You are in big trouble.

Speaker 1 I'd be so mad. That's like you want to hold a hand.

Speaker 2 And that's the start of your cube.

Speaker 1 He kind of he's giving this like dumb golden retriever energy. Oh, yeah.
Like, just didn't realize.

Speaker 2 They don't even think about it.

Speaker 2 That's when you really got to like

Speaker 2 have

Speaker 2 hours-long conversation of just saying, hey,

Speaker 2 we got to be more intuitive of

Speaker 2 things like that, social cues. And

Speaker 2 100%. Now that we're married, you also, I feel like people always are planning out their weddings when you should be like planning out your marriage and like situations like that.

Speaker 2 Like, people are so like honed in on planning their wedding, and like that's their whole thing about their marriage.

Speaker 2 And then you just like know nothing about planning your entire rest of your lives together, you know?

Speaker 2 And I feel like you should be able to have conversations before your honeymoon about, hey, what happens in this kind of of scenario?

Speaker 2 Or what are we going to do if you get some kind of benefit and I don't? Are we in this together? Are we, are you going separate? It's a whole thing. So, yeah.

Speaker 1 This might have been a couple. If you were their videographer, you could have been like,

Speaker 2 that's going to have some issues.

Speaker 1 What's the craziest thing you've seen?

Speaker 2 Oh, my gosh. I've, oh, gosh.

Speaker 1 Have you had like the groom hook up with anyone?

Speaker 2 Um, no, but I have oh, so I have a little microphone attached to the groom the entire day because that's where like the vows are coming from.

Speaker 2 We're like, and it's actually not attached to the bride because they're, it doesn't hide it in the dress. So it is attached to the groom all day.

Speaker 2 And I tell them, hey, you're mic'd up all day. And I've heard like it, I don't think it was ever the groom, but I've definitely had a wedding where I'm

Speaker 2 rereading or I'm looking through the different

Speaker 2 like things that were said throughout the day.

Speaker 2 As you have to like

Speaker 2 content exactly i'm not like trying to snoop around like i'm mining my own beeswax but i have to like hear that kind of stuff to pair it with the video you know oh no and um the groomsmen are like talking about

Speaker 2 talking about

Speaker 2 me and they're like

Speaker 2 yo um is that chick single like she has a really flat ass but

Speaker 2 but you gotta get they're like talking to one of their friends. They're like, you gotta get with the videographer tonight, like you gotta start flirting with her.

Speaker 2 And it's crazy because I like I matched it all up.

Speaker 2 I never heard this audio until weeks later when I'm editing, but I knew who they're talking to because they're like, he's like, oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna flirt with her in this way, and I'm gonna use these jokes.

Speaker 2 And they're talking about my flat ass for like two minutes. And I'm like, yeah, I know, I do.

Speaker 2 And then when

Speaker 2 when I was editing I'm like

Speaker 2 I'm so pissed at all these groomsmen right now like they were talking about how flat my butt was

Speaker 2 and you almost just like want to send them the clip yeah they're they're not together anymore like the groom and the wife I don't I don't know which uh of the grooms voices it was so I don't know if he was involved in it but

Speaker 2 They're not together anymore. And I always tell people, like, the number one indicator to me as a wedding videographer, if you're gonna stay together, is actually weirdly enough, the groomsmen.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 yeah, who your groom is like hanging around because girls are always great. Girls, women are like

Speaker 2 divine. Like, we all have such amazing relationships with all our girlfriends, but the grooms, the groom, who they're friends with is like a complete

Speaker 2 picture of who they are.

Speaker 2 And if you're hanging around slimy men like that, like you're not a good guy yeah so I I mean it's sad but the groomsmen like look how rowdy the room not rowdy but like they can get as drunk as they want but yeah how like slimy and grimy they are when there's like derogatory comments exactly and like degrading like women like I have had like a um a guy dated and like going out with his like friends and like the server or someone that they saw at the bar and it's like the

Speaker 1 the way they would talk about her It's like exactly and it's one of those things like that like you kind of are who you associate with so yeah, that's like such yeah, and us women are never talking about like mmm like that guy is you know like we're either

Speaker 2 excited for you like this is the best day of your life and then the men are like get with the photography it's just so yeah

Speaker 2 that's only happened you know

Speaker 2 and a handful of times. A handful of times.
Yeah, but

Speaker 2 still. Pretty funny.
Yeah. I'm like, little do you know, I know everything that was said, but it's fun.
It's all in a day's work.

Speaker 1 There was one story on Reddit where the groom fucked someone's mom.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah, I remember that. I actually saw that.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's just like, God, the day of the wedding. Like, do you?

Speaker 2 I have a question. So, do you think that everything is always true? Or do you think that people ever like make things up just to

Speaker 2 get some karma?

Speaker 1 Some Reddit karma. I would say 95%.

Speaker 1 I'll be realistic. Yeah.
90%

Speaker 1 is probably true.

Speaker 2 I would totally agree.

Speaker 1 I've gotten some listener write-ins like directly emailed to me or people telling me stories. And I'm like, that is crazier than anything Reddit has ever had.
Totally. So I'm like, okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is real. Some things are actually crazy.
Like movie crazy, crazier than movies. Judy.

Speaker 2 She's just chilling. She's loving the spotlight.
She's just chilling. Like, go spotlights right here.

Speaker 1 Well, speaking of wedding drama and stories,

Speaker 1 this next one, nine days old, coming from Am I the Asshole, titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Attending the Wedding of My Cousin and My Ex-Boyfriend? I, 32 female, was engaged,

Speaker 1 ex-fiancé,

Speaker 1 was engaged to marry Travis, 33 male. But a couple of weeks before the wedding was supposed to take place, he said that he didn't want to get married.
I asked him if he was cheating and he said no.

Speaker 1 He told me that most of his friends were already marrying or starting families, so he thought it was time to settle down. But he had just realized that he didn't want to.

Speaker 1 Suffice to say, the wedding was canceled, and that was the end of our relationship. It's been about a year since that happened.
Things haven't been exactly great, but I've managed.

Speaker 1 Well, some days ago, I received an invitation to the wedding of my cousin, Taylor, 26 female. Imagine my surprise when I read it and saw that my ex-fiancé was the groom.

Speaker 2 Good riddance.

Speaker 1 I had only seen them barely interact during family meetings. I hadn't noticed any clues that pointed to anything happening between the two of them at the time.
Some info about my cousin.

Speaker 1 She's what some people would call a free spirit. She doesn't have a conventional job.
She works as an artist.

Speaker 1 She dyes her hair in unusual colors, sometimes blue, sometimes green, and dresses extravagantly. Once she wore a white robe, another time she wore a black leather jacket and spiked boots.

Speaker 1 She says that she doesn't like following society's rules and that she only follows her own code. Immediately, I called my parents.

Speaker 1 I asked them if they had known something about Taylor's relationship with Travis. To summarize, Yes, they did.

Speaker 1 They hadn't intended on telling me because they figured out there would be no positive outcome to it, but they also made it clear that they expected me to come to the wedding anyways in order to show support to my family.

Speaker 1 At this point, I lost it and shouted that they were delusional if they believed that I would go to the wedding of my cheating liar ex and his manic pixie dream girl.

Speaker 1 They said that I can't keep holding on to my hatred and resentment forever and that I need to let it go. I hung up on them.

Speaker 1 My extended family has been blowing up my phone since then, saying that I'm a bad person if I don't attend. Right now, I feel so confused, betrayed, and disappointed.

Speaker 1 I'm no longer sure if I'm being irrational or not. So I think it might be best to ask for an outside point of view.
Am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 Okay, your family sucks.

Speaker 2 Your ex-fiancé sucks. Your cousin sucks.

Speaker 2 Everyone sucks. Except OP.
I cannot believe Juni's up in arms too right now she's like no the cousin

Speaker 2 she's like not the cousin

Speaker 2 wait her tongue is out

Speaker 2 oh my god she's like the cousin disgusting no um that's actually insane I actually can't believe that the gaslighting they're they're doing to her also yes the gaslighting and also

Speaker 2 I cannot imagine like

Speaker 2 not even knowing that your cousin is getting married to your ex like where and your parents didn't tell you your family knew and they never even told you and um i've actually experienced this kind of situation before to a way lesser degree oh my god where my like friends knew that my other friend was dating my ex and they didn't tell me for

Speaker 2 years

Speaker 2 what because it was kind of just like they thought i would be hurt by it i was like well, yeah.

Speaker 2 It wouldn't have hurt me at all, but they like let me be friends with the same girl while she was dating my ex, you know?

Speaker 1 It's just weird. Like, even if you're not, like, I feel like it's always more hurtful to be lied to for an extended period of time, even if it's lying by omission.
Just tell me.

Speaker 1 Just give me the choice and the opportunity to not care, or then at least be able to process my feelings a whole lot sooner.

Speaker 2 Yes, 100%. And you can be a little bit hurt, but it's so much better to be aware of the fact that that's happening, especially when it's within your family or within your friendship group.

Speaker 2 Like just being able to know that information so that you can like better base your actions upon them.

Speaker 2 Like I had always wished that my friends told me earlier that that friend was with my ex-boyfriends so I didn't have to like

Speaker 2 so I wasn't going on trips with her while like, you know, she was doing that.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 you know, it's a whole thing. It's because then you just feel stupid.
Yes, yes. You feel stupid and you feel like almost used in a way.
Like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I feel like, I feel like no matter what, it's always best to tell the person about what's happening.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 100%.

Speaker 2 If it's involved in their life, you know?

Speaker 2 And then you just feel like, I don't know. It's just a whole thing.
But that is really, really, really a terrible situation to be in.

Speaker 2 I really empathize with not the, how, explain to me how they could even think that they're an asshole and anyone. You must go.
Yeah, yeah. Show respect.
No, you are not going. Show respect to who?

Speaker 2 The people that disrespected you the most?

Speaker 1 Literally.

Speaker 2 Judy's like, me too, I'm out.

Speaker 1 She's like, I can't even hear anyone.

Speaker 1 This is terrible. Poor OP.

Speaker 1 What did they say to like, you can't keep holding on to your hatred and resentment forever?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I can. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yes, I will and I must. Like, what?

Speaker 1 I feel like it doesn't take sometimes. I will say, like, it's not worth the energy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, totally.

Speaker 1 But there's certain times where it's like, it doesn't take that much energy for me to not like that person. 100%.
Like, it's not like I think about them every day.

Speaker 1 I just like, if they come up, I'm like, yeah, I don't like them. They suck.

Speaker 2 I don't like them. End of energy.
Like, I don't even, I don't even think about it. I just don't like them.
I don't want them involved in my life.

Speaker 2 And I'll, whatever energy it takes to not have them in my life, that's the maximum amount I'll give out. Literally.
And then, boom, we're done. We're done.
We're done.

Speaker 1 Top comment: not the asshole. Your family is being ridiculous.
They should have told you that your ex-fiance was involved with your cousin, especially when they got engaged.

Speaker 1 And they're out of line, expecting you to show up and smile because family. Family goes both ways.
You're family too. And they should have told you what was happening.

Speaker 1 I would make it clear that you are not holding on to anger and resentment. You have moved on and wouldn't have wanted to be married to a guy who would do that, anyways.

Speaker 1 But you won't be attending the wedding, and it's inappropriate for anyone to ask you to do so.

Speaker 1 Also, like

Speaker 2 she's his ex. Yes.

Speaker 1 I don't think anyone wants their ex-fiancé at their next wedding.

Speaker 2 In what world are you ever attending your ex-fiancé's wedding? In what world? I can't even think of like any scenario where that would be a thing.

Speaker 2 No, it's so inappropriate because whoever they're marrying that you know, that's probably a bad thing in the first place that they're getting married.

Speaker 2 Like, they probably know of each other through you in the first place, you know?

Speaker 1 So, literally, they do, yeah, they met because of you, yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 So, it's it's just bad, bad, bad. You don't have to show these people an ounce of respect.
I don't know where the family's coming from, cuckoo, yeah, cuckoo.

Speaker 1 We have an update.

Speaker 1 Ah!

Speaker 1 Hi, it's me again. Thanks to everyone who commented on my first post.
Some people asked for an update, and here you have it.

Speaker 1 I've read all of your comments, and I've got to say, the one who gave me tips on how to be petty made me laugh. But after thinking about it, I decided to simply not attend the wedding.

Speaker 1 I'll also be distancing myself from my parents and extended family, at least for a while for the former and definitely for the later.

Speaker 1 I I also told my friends about the whole situation, and they were even more pissed off than some of you.

Speaker 1 I told them about the suggestion that some commenters made about going on vacation during the week of the wedding, and we've already started making plans. Something else happened in the last few days.

Speaker 1 I received a call from Travis. He asked me if we could meet and talk.

Speaker 1 I know it was probably stupid of me, but I accepted.

Speaker 1 We met in a public place, and I told him I wanted to know exactly what was going on between him and Taylor. This is what he told me.

Speaker 2 Travis and Taylor, first of all.

Speaker 2 Anyway.

Speaker 2 I don't know if it's swift and colourful. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 First, he made sure to emphasize that he had never cheated on me. Not sure if I believe him, but I let him talk.

Speaker 1 He told me that he too felt bad about our relationship's end, and that on a night out, he just happened to end up in the same place as my cousin.

Speaker 1 They started talking, and one thing led to another and he proceeded to have a middle-aged crisis with her. The only reason he's getting married to her is because she's pregnant.

Speaker 1 And he is afraid that she would just run away and he'd never get to meet his child if he didn't marry her.

Speaker 1 After that talk, we went our separate ways. He wished me good luck and I said the same.
As soon as I came back home, I blocked his number.

Speaker 1 So at the end of the day, I'm left with more questions than answers, but whatevs, that's no longer my problem.

Speaker 1 Anyway, this is it. I don't think I'll be posting on this account again.
Once again, thank you for your support when I needed it.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh, that is crazy.

Speaker 1 Happy ending for OP, though.

Speaker 2 The OP sounds so rational.

Speaker 2 Maybe it was a little weird of them to meet up with Travis.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 Travis. But

Speaker 2 he's going to have a child with with Taylor.

Speaker 2 That sucks. Yeah, that sucks.
I just like. Why were you messing with the cousin?

Speaker 1 A middle-aged crisis.

Speaker 2 Yeah, what?

Speaker 1 He's 29.

Speaker 2 This is a like forever middle-aged crisis thing. Like, you have a child now because of.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's 33.

Speaker 2 He's 33.

Speaker 1 Early middle-aged crisis.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. That is very

Speaker 2 early. Yeah, I feel like that usually happens like 40s, 50s.

Speaker 1 40s. Yeah.
Yeah. You hear it 40s usually.

Speaker 2 Wow. Okay.
So I'm glad there. It's just a good riddance all around.
I'm really glad for OP.

Speaker 1 Now she gets a fun vacation out of it.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Good for you. And I also want to like hear about what she did with her family because it sounds like her family is just like little cuckoo.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I don't know. She probably just has to deal with that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's one of those tough situations, but like like your family clearly doesn't have your best interests in mind because otherwise they would have given you a heads up and like told you and like been like hey just so you know we heard through the grapevine travis is starting to date taylor yes it's obviously not great it's inappropriate but you should know we don't like it either yeah

Speaker 2 That's so unfortunate.

Speaker 1 I'm just like, I can't imagine why you would like,

Speaker 1 I don't get why they're so supportive of it too. Yeah.
that was your child's ex-fiancé who ended it a couple weeks before the wedding.

Speaker 2 I always truly think, like, it's so much easier to tell people during the beginning. Like, if you have a friend that's dating your friend's ex or a family member, sex,

Speaker 2 just tell them in the early stages, hey, hey, so-and-so are hanging out. I don't like it either, but just so you know, so you don't have to like,

Speaker 2 you know, hang out with them or like you're not fooled into, you know, thinking so, so.

Speaker 2 So it's a whole thing.

Speaker 2 I've always been an advocate of just like, you know, hey, by the way, this is happening. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I don't like it either, but it's how it goes.

Speaker 1 Like, just be an adult. communicate.
Yes. Share things openly.
Totally. Like, and then it's like everyone can move forward in the way that they feel is best and can handle.
Like, totally.

Speaker 2 I hate secrets.

Speaker 1 I hate people manipulating and lying by omission. Just totally.

Speaker 2 Get it out there. Yeah.
And especially like on a light-hearted note. I feel like in its early stages, it's light-hearted enough to be like, hey, so-and-so are hanging out.
It's not

Speaker 2 so cool, but it's happening.

Speaker 2 You can't control others, you know. Kind of sucks, but

Speaker 1 speaking of not being able to control others,

Speaker 1 our very last one today.

Speaker 1 It's five hours old, titled, My 28 Female Boyfriend, 29 Male of 10 Years, has Liquidated His 401k without telling me.

Speaker 1 How do I handle this? My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years and are technically high school sweethearts.

Speaker 1 We live in Southern California and are starting to make okay money, bringing in about $150K combined.

Speaker 1 We have a goal to each make six figures by 32 and have been slowly climbing the ladder ladder in both of our careers.

Speaker 1 We've lived together for 10 years and have recently talked about getting married and starting to plan what the next steps are for getting a house and when we want kids, et cetera.

Speaker 1 We both decided we need to really start to budget so we can pay off credit cards and really start saving. We agreed on how we want to budget and have been holding each other to it.

Speaker 1 He works in sales and got a big bonus in March, about 25K.

Speaker 1 Even after taxes, it was still a lot more than he thought he was going to get. We were really excited because he could use that to pay off his credit card debt and have a decent start for his savings.

Speaker 1 Then, when tax time came around this year, he told me he owed 8K to the government in total and used a big chunk of his bonus to pay it.

Speaker 1 This really shocked me because besides the bonus, his base salary is 80K.

Speaker 1 He didn't get a bonus last year because it was his first year, so it didn't make sense why he owed that much.

Speaker 1 He used TurboTax, so I asked him if it was okay to send his tax return and tax info to my parents so that they can give it to their tax guy to take a look at it.

Speaker 1 He agreed and gave his docs to my parents. Come to find out, he emptied his 401k from his previous job, about 25k.

Speaker 1 Mystery solved about where the 8K he owed came from. I asked him why he did that and mentioned that that's like the worst thing you can do since he was penalized for taking it out early.

Speaker 1 He told me it was to pay off his credit cards. I questioned him more and more and he seemed to not think it was a big deal.

Speaker 1 I told him that he should have talked to me before he did this and he responded, quote, it's my money, so I can do what I want with it.

Speaker 1 This really hurt my feelings because we have never been that's my money type of couple.

Speaker 1 We have both always supported each other during financial hardships and generally split things evenly, not keeping close track.

Speaker 1 I've never really questioned about his finances, but generally knew he had credit card debt. I do too, so I never judged him.

Speaker 1 I just don't get how he could take out that much money and would have never told me.

Speaker 1 Also, to mention, since I sent his tax info through my parents, they are also now aware of what he did and now think we are both financially stupid and are lecturing me.

Speaker 1 I had to admit to them that I didn't know he did this, which is even more embarrassing. They are now questioning our relationship and our communication.

Speaker 1 I told him today that I don't know how we can get married if he's not going to discuss with me about things like big financial decisions. He thinks I'm making a big deal and that it doesn't affect me.

Speaker 1 How do I handle this?

Speaker 2 I got to be honest, this would be so such a different situation if

Speaker 2 they were married.

Speaker 2 Like the entire time I'm thinking, like, oh, this, like, they would be justified in talking about or having a issue with this if they were married.

Speaker 2 And maybe, probably, their, you know, money would be joint. Yeah.
But since they're dating, it truly is his money. And

Speaker 2 I don't know. Like, I never like

Speaker 2 mentioned to my boyfriend, hey, by the way, I'm putting this amount in my savings, or hey, I'm going to be making this huge purchase. Like, I don't, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I'm like, it's, it is very interesting because what i don't

Speaker 2 this would be such a different answer if they were married and if it was her money it's his money and it is pretty true like it's his bacon cow and

Speaker 2 you know she doesn't know what the money's for right

Speaker 2 she

Speaker 1 he said he used it to pay for credit card debt

Speaker 2 I'm like, what's on the bank statements?

Speaker 2 What's on the credit card debt?

Speaker 1 I am like, I'm so confused because like he was going to use his bonus for credit card debt. The bonus was 25K.
And then he's like, well, I had to cash out my 401k for credit card debt.

Speaker 1 The 401k was 25K. Yeah.
50K in credit card debt, you're starting to like really like that's a lot.

Speaker 2 That's a lot.

Speaker 1 Like in my head. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like I think a lot.

Speaker 1 I think the most my credit card and everyone, you know, has their own life situations, but when I was unemployed for like a year because of COVID, I lived off my credit card. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so like, I ended up having like a balance, I think of like 12K.

Speaker 2 Like, I

Speaker 1 really tried to like pinch pennies. Yeah, I also had like a California like food stamp card, so like that helped.
Yeah, and my mom would give me a thousand dollars every month, totally.

Speaker 1 So, like, whatever I couldn't, like, get with my mom's $1,000 and the food card would be credit card. Yeah, I did that for like almost a year.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 And so, like, I got to 12K, but like, I was like, I was so

Speaker 1 like cautious. I tried to budget.
And so it's like, for him, he's making 80K.

Speaker 1 And that's like a lot. That's more, that's more than the average American makes.
Totally. And he's still like putting himself into this crazy debt.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, honestly, he, he does sound financially irresponsible. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you're not married. Yes.
That is his money. Totally.
I completely agree. Technically, technically, you don't have a reason to be mad.
Yeah. The only thing you can control is yourself.
Totally.

Speaker 1 And like, are you going to take that as the red flag that it could be? And like, yeah, your communication style isn't great.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you do get married, if you have a joint account, is he going to spend that money without consulting you?

Speaker 1 Is he going to be able to contribute to things like a mortgage or kids evenly if he's racking up all this credit card debt? My head, like, I go a little down the rabbit hole.

Speaker 1 I'm like, does he have a gambling addiction?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 Like, what is $25,000? What's going on?

Speaker 2 I think the biggest thing, too, is her being able to maybe take this as a, like, not a learning lesson, but just understand

Speaker 2 maybe

Speaker 2 how he, how he makes his financial decisions. You know, like, you're not in control.
It's not your money, but being able to take this as a, hey, this person

Speaker 2 makes this kind of financial decision and maybe that should be a warning to you, or maybe you should take it as trying to teach them, hey, this isn't probably the best idea to be able to do, you know?

Speaker 2 Yeah. I don't really know how credit card debt works.
Actually,

Speaker 2 I like was so lucky. My mom is, my mom has always been the most

Speaker 2 frugal. She literally had a blog about coupons and

Speaker 2 she's like the coupon lady.

Speaker 2 And I grew up like she she always has started my credit card I think she started my credit card account for me like the day I could open it yeah so you were building and yeah she's always been like

Speaker 2 very on top of me not having anything like she's always like pay pay pay pay

Speaker 2 and I think that really helped me out I don't know how like

Speaker 2 the debt part of that works but it sounds like Should you be paying that off instantly when you get money?

Speaker 1 I've like been told if you use your credit card almost like a debit card, it boosts your score like crazy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's, yeah.

Speaker 2 I do know about that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. There's like little hacks.
So I know that. But like, if you can't afford to pay it off, like obviously like do the minimum payment.
Over time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or like pay off the amount that like then is at least interest like incurring the next month. Yeah.
So there's all these different hacks, but you know, he might not have that financial literacy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's like you should have like talked because, like, what if your girlfriend would have borrowed you the money versus cashing out your 401k? Totally, like, what if there was another solution?

Speaker 1 So, it's like you guys have been together for 12 years, yeah. It is kind of concerning that you couldn't talk about this, yes, and yeah, a little bit

Speaker 2 this.

Speaker 1 This, I got obsessed with prenups. Oh, yeah, I'm like obsessed with them now.

Speaker 2 I love prenups.

Speaker 1 I used to be a hater, yes, I have evolved, and

Speaker 1 I think this would be one where it's like you should really consider a prenup and keeping your finances separate and making sure you separate your community property so that his debt doesn't become your debt.

Speaker 2 I completely agree.

Speaker 1 Because I feel like he's hiding more debt than he's letting on.

Speaker 2 Yes. And it's a way of, it's a way of her like being able to say, hey, this is my, like, this is my consequences of my decisions.
And these are your consequences of your decisions. 100%.

Speaker 2 I think this is either way a learning lesson for them both.

Speaker 2 She can learn about his decisions financially and maybe it's a learning lesson for him because she can kind of teach him, hey, this is not what you do.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 When you have this money.

Speaker 2 And also, I don't know. Yeah, prenups, what you said.
Prenups.

Speaker 2 I'm a big prenup advocate because it's not even like saying, hey,

Speaker 2 we are going to separate.

Speaker 2 It's saying, hey, this is what we're going to, we're going to be able to control what we want if we do get divorced rather than the government telling us what's exactly what it is. Yeah, we want.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Exactly what it is.

Speaker 2 It's just having more control in, you know, nobody expects for things, bad things to happen, but they do happen.

Speaker 2 And it's giving yourself more control. Yeah.
You both, you know, rather than the government. So

Speaker 1 top comments on this are a lot of finance bros or gals, maybe.

Speaker 1 Top one is: at your boyfriend's age, 65, that 25K would have been $772,000 if he just put it into an SP 500 index and never touched it. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 So your parents are correct to assume that he is financially stupid and to worry about your future together.

Speaker 1 Next comment down, how would 25K in credit card debt have cost him by the time he turned 65?

Speaker 1 I'm going to go out on a limb and assume the return on his 401k was less than the 20% plus interest rate on his cards.

Speaker 1 So he might have made some bad financial decisions accruing the debt, or he had unplanned medical bills or auto house repair, et cetera.

Speaker 1 But liquidating a retirement account at 29 to get out of crippling debt isn't necessarily the wrong decision, even with the 10% penalty.

Speaker 2 Wow. That is

Speaker 2 over my head.

Speaker 2 It's like, I, A,

Speaker 2 A,

Speaker 2 F, B, I am a finance pro.

Speaker 2 I can't answer this.

Speaker 1 I want to like take financial classes.

Speaker 2 I know that actually, you know what? I did and I

Speaker 2 was just watching Netflix the entire class, but that does sound about right. Like, I do know that money and retirement accounts go absolutely so, like, it's exponential, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's just, it goes crazy at a certain age. And I mean, I trust the finance bro.

Speaker 2 Don't want to, but I trust it.

Speaker 1 I'm on board. Like, I think depending on the situation, like like there's little hacks, but he should have just talked to her because like maybe she would have been able to help.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 A lot of people are asking like, what does he have so much debt on?

Speaker 1 And OP has said like

Speaker 1 he hasn't really said so far. Yeah.
OP doesn't have clear answers. He's been like really defensive.

Speaker 1 So far, I've gotten vague answers about student loans and credit card debt.

Speaker 1 I believe he has a little left over from the bonus for an emergency fund, trying to get more answers when he's ready to talk.

Speaker 2 What does that mean?

Speaker 1 Like, sir, this is not that serious. Open up and talk.

Speaker 2 Show me your bank statements. You don't have to be ready.

Speaker 1 Just something's going on here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that is interesting.

Speaker 1 Something is going on here. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 You got to get down to the bottom of that.

Speaker 1 There's going to be like crazy.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. He's probably got like an insane amount of like OnlyFans.

Speaker 2 I know. That's what I was thinking.
My brain immediately went to OF, but that's a lot of money. That's a lot of money for that.

Speaker 1 He's getting direct messages. He's doing stuff for sure.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh. I'm like,

Speaker 2 unless

Speaker 1 I need an update. Another, I need like an update for this one.
Like when she finds out,

Speaker 1 no update yet.

Speaker 1 That last comment was the one I read when he's ready to talk to him.

Speaker 2 And it was not sounding great. He better be ready to talk

Speaker 2 now. What the heck? Just print out the bank statements or just show it on the PDF.
Open his mail.

Speaker 1 Find the credit card statements.

Speaker 2 Wow. It is pretty crazy how like I popped off.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It is pretty crazy, though, that people, I mean, they really don't teach us about finances. No.
So it is, it is

Speaker 2 a little bit difficult to just assume that people know about, I mean, if you have a 401k, you probably know what it's for and you probably know how much like it can reach to its potential, like when you're older.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 maybe he didn't even know what a 40K 1 and K was. He was probably like, oh, this is my savings account.
I don't know. Probably.

Speaker 2 I don't even know much about 401ks, but I do know that they can get like when you reach your 60s or 70s, it's just like you're a millionaire.

Speaker 1 It's, it's nuts. I, I don't understand how it works.
Like, I know some jobs automatically contribute to your 401ks. Exactly.
So maybe it was that.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm wondering.

Speaker 1 But, like, as someone who's like now self-employed, like, I have to contribute.

Speaker 1 And I just like. My CPA helped connect me with a guy that like does it.
I don't know. I don't know anything about it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, I just know that I have to contribute every year and it helps with my taxes.

Speaker 2 Exactly. That's all i know i was like there's so many acronyms there's so many numbers and i'm like please s p 500

Speaker 2 what is that that sounds like a car race it does

Speaker 2 i don't i'm like please just i'll pay you to do this we need to like connect with a finance bro i'd be like give us the lowdown well i'm so lucky because my mom does that stuff too She really get on a Zoom.

Speaker 2 My frugal woman, yeah.

Speaker 1 Does she have her own channel about coupons and stuff?

Speaker 2 She used to. Yeah, she used to.
to, and now she like just, I don't know, now she just uses all her points to travel so she doesn't queen.

Speaker 2 She really is gold.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 God bless that woman, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, thank you so much for coming on today.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much for having us.

Speaker 2 I should hear it. I gotta get this junior to cordially say,

Speaker 1 say goodbye, Junior.

Speaker 2 She wants to say goodbye to everyone.

Speaker 1 She's been so cozy napping.

Speaker 2 Do you want to say anything?

Speaker 2 She's like, girl, let me put me back in that car. Put me back.
Put me back in my little carrier.

Speaker 2 I might go home.

Speaker 2 She's so cute. She was a good guy.
She's sleeping now. Of course she is.

Speaker 2 She really loved this place, though. And so did I.

Speaker 1 You are welcome back.

Speaker 2 By the way, says that. Anytime.

Speaker 2 Anytime. I love the studio as well.

Speaker 1 You'll have to see the next one with the ponies.

Speaker 2 Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
Count me in.

Speaker 2 Junior needs some horse friends.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. Can you imagine what she would think of a horse? Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 She would be like, cool, like another animal. I don't care.
I'm going back to sleep.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I can't wait to see it.

Speaker 2 She would love him, though.

Speaker 1 Where can everyone find you?

Speaker 2 Concrete Crotch Kiss.

Speaker 2 I'm so sorry. Just kidding.
I think that's, yeah.

Speaker 2 Or like Lissy Lulu. It's a whole, I don't, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you, what, Concrete Crotch Kiss is is from a skateboard?

Speaker 2 Oh, you said my first video ever on TikTok was a video of me. I used to skateboard like pretty, like much every day, like down bowls and like pools, you know, like empty pools.

Speaker 2 And my first video on TikTok ever was like me

Speaker 2 skating down a pool and I did the splits and my crotch like really slammed onto the concrete

Speaker 2 and it went viral. And at the time, my name was Butterfly Kisses.
And somebody was like, I thought your name was Concrete Crotch Kisses, and now it works perfectly. And I was like, you know what?

Speaker 2 Concrete Crotch Kiss has such a ring to it.

Speaker 1 It's so unique. And I love it.

Speaker 2 Do you have merch yet? No.

Speaker 2 No, but

Speaker 2 I will never be a merch girl. I'm just like,

Speaker 2 imagine.

Speaker 1 It's time. I want it.

Speaker 2 Concrete.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm like, I don't know

Speaker 2 if the people would get it.

Speaker 1 I'm going to do a logo. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I got this. It's a whole.

Speaker 2 But yeah, I go by concrete now, I guess. And this is a little woman, and she

Speaker 2 is such a little woman. There's a little college.
The woman on the planet. Yeah, have you ever had a pet in the studio?

Speaker 1 My dog, Holly.

Speaker 2 Oh. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They would be little friends.

Speaker 1 They would be. I feel like Juni likes it.
She loves her dog.

Speaker 2 She loves dogs.

Speaker 1 She likes it more.

Speaker 2 She's like, dead asleep now.

Speaker 2 I hope she's not. Just

Speaker 2 be like, I just want to keep her.

Speaker 2 So sweet.

Speaker 1 All of Alyssa's links will be in the description. Concrete crotch kiss on everything.
Lissy Lulu. But thank you again for being here.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 That's so good. You're the best.
That was so fun. I love having like an opinion and not looking at the comment section for once.
It's so good. Yeah, it's fun.
It's refreshing.

Speaker 1 You were on it today. Oh, thanks.

Speaker 2 You were on it.

Speaker 2 Until next time, guys.

Speaker 1 Bye.