164: Cheating the System.. Ft. Charlotte Dobre

and my little feet i'm so envious your feet touch the ground oh that's so cute they just hover here well to be fair i am wearing platforms so just a little bit of elevation you got some height though i'm like i wish you could donate a couple inches do you want to like take my feet i might chop my legs off and i'll give them to you have you seen those knee transplant or like stretcher things people do? Yes. It's so bad for you.
It's so dangerous. It's so bad.
Oh man. I won't go that far.
I'm fine. It's fine.
You guys, I'll put some heels on. You're mini.
You can fit right in the nook. You know what I mean? Just fun size, that's what I say.
Polly pocket. I'm so excited to have you today.
Thanks for having me. I'm so excited too.
I'm like, okay, you're probably, I'm probably the most nervous I've been in years. Why? I don't know.
You're just so iconic. Oh my God.
Just an icon. This is my first podcast, so I'm a little nervous too.
I did my vocal warmups before I came in the Uber driver. I was like, what is she doing? Oh, you're good.
Do you actually have vocal warmups? I do, yeah. Well, because you're like jazz trained, aren't you? Oh my gosh.
How did you know that? I did a little. A little deep dive? Yeah.
And I was like, okay, how do I pronounce her last name? Dobre. Yeah, I know.
You're Romanian. Oh, wow.
I know. I always butcher people's names.
So it like stresses me out. But I appreciate that you learned.
Okay. I appreciate it.
You guys have probably recognized her voice. If you're watching on YouTube, you clearly know who is with us today.
We're joined by Charlotte Dobre. Hi.
Did I say, right? Yes, you did. Yeah, I know.
You're great. As you literally just told me how to say it.
I still like if I said it wrong. Oh, God.
But we're getting into it today. You are a YouTuber a youtuber actress but I feel like people say actor now for all genders yeah I mean it's still like best actress at the Oscars I know so but then in their speeches they only say actor like actor actor female actor doesn't have the same ring to it actress actress lioness but you have an amazing channel.
You also have gotten into reading Reddit stories lately. I have.
Big fan of the Reddit stories. So good.
I watched a couple of your videos and the way you like analyze them. I was so mad.
It was the one about the wife who has like 150k of credit card debt. Oh my God.
Yeah. Yeah.
That triggered me. I was mad.
So good. You're just so, so fun to watch.
So I'm really excited. I feel like you're going to nail my stories I've got today.
Well, I'm excited to see what you got. So today's theme is a little bit cheating, affairs, juicy drama.
The working title I have currently is like cheating the system.

Okay. These are people that are just going outside regular rules, rules of monogamy or life.

Like that. Yeah.
We've got some, we've got some interesting ones. Okay.

Bring on the tea, bring on the drama. Let's dive, guys.
so up first this is coming from a it a h it is five days old i accidentally accused my wife of cheating on me but actually it was just my daughter. And now we may divorce.
What? Yeah, I have questions. Okay.
So sure. All right.
Sorry for the length, a ton on my mind right now. Me, 52 male and my 50 female wife have been married for 25 years and are immensely happy.
We of course have the normal fights, me not cleaning the bathroom, arguing about me losing money on sports betting, her spending twice as much at the shops as we agreed to, etc. But overall, we have a really happy, healthy marriage.
Until about 8 p.m. yesterday night.
Recently, we've been having a bit of trouble in the bedroom. I don't want to derail the post, but basically, sex has naturally slowed down between the two of us in the last couple of years.
This has really bothered my wife and bothered me a bit also, I will admit. Once we vocalized the problem, we both agreed we're going to take steps to fix some things.
We talked to some doctors. Basically, all of them wanted to put my wife on some serious medications, which my wife was pretty against.
This led to about a year of building what we call our sex drawer filled with products in the kitchen that my wife has tried and tested in the kitchen and liked the ingredients of. Oh, okay.
Interesting spot for the sex draw.

Yeah, interesting indeed.

It's nothing crazy.

Literally, like little things like vitamin D, zinc, some Lubricil soft gels, maca.

Stuff has been tried and tested.

Nothing too wild and all over the counter.

Now here's where things start to go downhill. So my wife naturally takes these products around the times we're going to be getting intimate or try to.
Now I don't like to monitor the kitchen drawer, but sometimes I do peek. I know, but I can't help it.
About three-ish weeks ago, I noticed a ton of pills and soft gels were disappearing. Me thinking I'm about to have a pretty good week, I start to get mentally prepared for it.
So about a week after that, I recheck the drawer and a ton more of the stuff has been taken. I remember thinking, that's weird.
We haven't done anything recently. About a week later, the same thing happened.
Tons of pills and soft gels are gone. And I'm not going to lie, I get in my head a bit.
Last night, me and my wife are out to dinner. After a couple of glasses of wine, I ask my wife why she's been taking so much of the stuff in the sex drawer without trying for intimacy.
I asked coming from an angle of both worry, mostly for health, and confusion. Immediately, my wife gets insanely defensive.
Oh, okay. Blows off the conversation and tells me she isn't talking about it.
This, of course, makes it where now it's the only thing I want to talk about. And while I respect everyone's I don't want to talk about this, I think something like this should probably be fucking discussed.
I press a bit and for about an hour, she's not having this convo. Basically gets to the point where I just blatantly ask my wife if she's seen other people.
My wife, who has never been aggressive or loud, starts basically screaming at me in this Italian restaurant.

Okay.

She tells me my daughter, 25 female, has been having some relationship issues with her boyfriend and has been taking some stuff to help.

I'm like, why the fuck didn't you just tell me?

Right.

She goes on a rant about how some things are girl to girl and how my daughter didn't want her telling anyone, which I get, but come on, I buy the things to fill the drawer. My wife ends up leaving the restaurant mid-dinner.
I've honestly never seen my wife this mad and I'm honestly a bit worried for our marriage. And to top it off, my daughter is acting awkward around me.
I get that I stepped out of line with the questioning, but the defensiveness really caught me off guard. And I never would have assumed my daughter is using our stuff.
It would have been discussed. And I wouldn't have actually cared.
And I would have just bought more stuff. Anytime I try to talk to my wife, she makes it seem like I'm an insane, out-of-control monster, that I've broken the trust in our marriage, and that I've ruined 25 years of progress we've made together.
Reddit, am I crazy? I am beyond confused right now. I don't think you're an a-hole.
I think you just wanted a little bit of communication, which I think you're entitled to have. Absolutely.
Like, I would want to know if my daughter was, like, sexually active and, like, you know, whether or not I should prepare for something like that. And, like, maybe it would help.
Yes, I understand that it's, like, girl-to-girl things. But, like, I think it is also good to, like, have those conversations maybe with your dad as well.
And like I just I don't understand why she's so defensive. Why are you getting so mad? That makes me feel I'm like is the wife actually giving them to the daughter? Yeah.
Like why are you so mad about it? Like it's not it doesn't really seem like that big of an issue to me. Like a like you know marriage ending issue.
Oh you took some like zinc and like okay she's sexually active like big freaking deal honestly but like like hopefully you're using condoms too but I just don't really understand why she got so mad if there's like I feel like there's something else going on there's something else happening here because otherwise you didn't you made it 20 times worse by reacting the way you did right if you would have just been like oh our daughter's been taking them sorry i should have i should have literally that's it moot like end of conversation oh okay got it cool done oh interesting got it good no need to like continue the conversation but why why are we getting so mad why are we not it took an hour of this dude being like, seriously, let's talk about it. An hour.
Do you know how long that is asking like, hey, are you going to tell me? Are you going to tell me? I'm getting really worried. An hour? And that's how long it takes you? Yeah.
Just get it. Spit it out, lady.
You just made it so much worse. And then to like flip it on him where I think that is kind of a valid curiosity or question to ask because my head would go a fair.
Granted, I read a lot of Reddit stories, so I'm a little scarred, but it's not a question that he's wrong for asking. He's not.
No, he's totally valid in asking that question. It's so strange.
Especially if like, you know, they also haven't really been sexually active either. You know, like I just am confused about the defensiveness.
Like it's not that serious, you know? Some families just don't talk about sex though. Could be that, yes.
It could be like a super like uncomfortable situation maybe for the wife to discuss. Maybe the daughter got pregnant or something.
And there's like, there's just some sort of like weird defensiveness surrounding that. But the fact that she like won't communicate, I think that's the main thing is there just needs to be a little bit healthier of communication here.
And no, he's not the a-hole. No, not at all.
Top comment on this post. I feel like my sex drawer would be a bit different than yours.
You know what? I was thinking that. I was like, oh, Zink.
Oh, yeah. Is that supposed to help or something? Like, I didn't realize that we used that, but noted.
Noted. I thought they were talking about like, you know, like toys and that kind of thing.
I know this is a very health nut forward sex drawer. It's just like vitamins.
Yeah. I'm like, mine does not look like this either.
I went on a mission because like I always talked about this one sex toy on the podcast, like early on. And I've gone on a mission to like find it again because like Amazon keeps selling out.
I've gotten to the point now I'm just like having my merch people like design it. But then I went, I was like, I'm trying all of these creams, all of these things.
And I'm like, okay, that's like, that's a sex drawer. But zinc has been shown to maintain optimal testosterone levels, helps promote erectile function.
Okay okay but isn't that for like the man though you would you would think you know interesting very interesting yeah improves blood flow it can enhance sexual satisfaction in both men and women okay good to know good to know per hymns you hims. And then what else was she taking? Sorry.
What other supplements were there? I've literally never heard of this before. I have never either, but I guess if you want to go like the homeopathic route, like this is probably your best bet.
Zinc, vitamin D, Lubricil soft gels, and maca. Maca.
Maca. Like macaroot or something.
Macaroot. Never heard of it.
No, I haven't either. But apparently HIMSS actually sells it.
Same brand that's packing that. Improves semen quality and relieves symptoms of menopause.
Okay, but again, like why is the daughter and the wife taking this then? I don't. I know.
I would be very, it's interesting because she is only 25. So so it's like it's not related to menopause i feel like she should actually probably like consult like maybe a sex therapist yeah definitely if they haven't been like subscribe prescribed subscribe youtube subscribe guys if they haven't been like told to take that by a naturopath like i don't know it's kind of weird to be to be doing that yeah like what works for your you know 50 plus mom maybe isn't going to work for you yeah it is interesting I can't believe that this is like would be marriage ending for someone I don't yeah I think it's fine I think that the wife needs to get over whatever issue she has and like they just need to like communicate.
And it sounds like he wants to communicate with her. And like, I mean, it definitely sucks that he accused her of cheating, but like, yeah, your mind, she's not having sex with him.
All of these, you know, the paraphernalia is going somewhere else, I'd be a little bit worried too.

And then the defensiveness as well.

Like that's just like not a reason to,

you always like know when you kind of hit a nerve

whenever someone gets like weirdly defensive

over something so small.

So I think that there's definitely more to that story.

I agree.

My spidey senses are tingling.

I'm tingling, tingling.

There is an edit.

Okay. Wow.
A lot of incredible information in here. Thank you to everyone for your comments.
This post has made me feel better and has allowed me to think about other aspects of our marriage. I've seen a ton of requests for info.
So let me try to answer some of the questions here. Me and my wife didn't go to the doctor for only libido issues.
I don't know the general age of Reddit, but as you get older, things like menopause and other hormonal issues become a reality. It's just the way of life.
I didn't plan on questioning my wife at the dinner. It had been in the back of my head, and after a few glasses of wine, I handled the situation poorly, which I 100% agree with all of you.
Not the right time or place. Though we've had tough conversations before in public, it still doesn't justify it.
There's more, but I feel like that's not the most inappropriate place. How do you even bring that up? I just don't think that there will ever be an appropriate time or place to talk about that.
When you're at home in the kitchen, you can open the drawer and then it feels even more like accusatory.

I think it's still good that he wanted to communicate with her. And like, you know, it's date night and he probably didn't think that it would cause such a problem.

So I know.

Yeah.

Well, it's probably in his mind, too, because he's like, hey, a couple of glasses of wine.

We're going home after this.

And you know what I mean?

For sure.

That's I don't know. Calling it a sex drawer may have been a bad name, but it's just how we reference it.
We didn't really think too deeply when coming up with the name. And I don't actually know which one of us created it.
I don't have a good reason why it's in the kitchen, but we're kind of past the age of caring about what someone may or may not see in our home. I wasn't monitoring the sex drawer.
The Lubricil soft gels, which we keep out of the box, come only in a 30 pill supply. Half the pack or so is missing.
I didn't count. It's just very obvious, even at a quick glance.
As for why I didn't automatically assume my daughter, the soft gels mentioned above and some of the other stuff in there are for a specific thing outside of the vitamins, which I don't know the ingredients too intimately, but you wouldn't

really expect those things to be shared. What else is in the drawer that you didn't mention, sir?

And finally, for those mentioning that my wife is still actually hiding something,

I appreciate your comments and it has given me a ton to think about. While I won't jump to those types of conclusions, I do agree that there is probably more that needs to be discussed between me, my wife, and my daughter.
That'll be a fun convo. I would, oh my god, I would love to be a fly on the wall.
Pop yep I oh god I would I would hide I'd oh I would love to hear that me too so strange that's a weird one that's a weird one hope you guys can work it out good luck buddy the next one it's even more weird this next one is coming from r slash relationship advice. It is three hours old.

Oh. My wife, 38 female, wants me, 39 male, to help get our lesbian couple pregnant.
Failed in vitro previously. My wife wants me to get our friend pregnant.
Throw away because content of question. I, 39 male, and my wife, 38, have been together for almost 25 years and married for almost 20.
We have a couple we've been friends with since college, 38 female and 35 female, and they're amazing. Godmothers to my second born.
They've tried in vitro fertilization, no dice. I was the sperm donor after some convincing two times though.
Fast forward to three years later and again they've asked. This time however the suggestion is the good old fashioned way.
No. No.
Oh no. Please no.
Oh god. Oh.
Oh that's awkward. That reminds me of like handmaid's tale or something oh it is giving handmaid's tale again all good friends vacationed with these ladies would take a bullet for them i am not shy however what they're asking i'm not sure if i can do it They, along with wife want me to have sex and attempt to impregnate our friend oh my god 35 female as they have exhausted all of their savings the first two go-arounds yes they could adopt however do not want to the couple of times as the donor.
It was the 38 females eggs in the 35 female. Apologies if the math of it all is off.
As I'll be honest, I'm not being exactly sure how all of it works mechanically. My wife does not want to watch.
However, 38... Thank God for that.
Oh no. Oh no.
Oh, there's more. Okay.
okay however 38 female does want to witness the moment of conception my flabbers are aghasted no absolutely not no no this is no i believe this to be true i do not believe either is bisexual i'm a bit uncomfortable initially but was warming up to the idea as I absolutely love these women to death. I do not really want her watching as I find it would be awkward.
They've both seen me naked before. Nothing weird, just happenstance, nor am I shy.
So mechanically, it could work in theory. Additionally, I do not last forever in bed with my wife.
However, I do range to about 8 to 10 minutes if I'm not taking breaks. What if I accidentally make her orgasm? Do I masturbate prior so it only takes a handful of thrusts? Oh God.
If I do go through with it and she backs off on not watching, do I just go hang out? I'm probably overthinking all of this. Obviously not a conversation I can have with just anyone.
So Reddit, thoughts, ideas, suggestions. My goodness.
Can you all just get like a turkey baster or something? Thank you. Thank you.
Please. Oh, God.
or like I don't know like see if they're into having like a like a menage a trois menage a quattro like like why is it separate i don't know man this is confusing um interesting that he agreed to it though he agreed to it he just doesn't want to be watched yeah i would have a hard time with an audience yeah but it also kind of is that like there's a lot of questions that you kind of have to discuss with them now like is there foreplay involved like am I literally just gonna like jerk off and then like yeah when I'm ready to come thrust inside of you, is that going to be comfortable? Like, what are they asking? This is a lot. This is a lot.
Can you imagine asking one of your friends this? I mean, I've never been in that position. So I don't know.
I can't put myself in their shoes. Like, obviously, they want their own child.
and this is one of the ways that they can do it. And maybe they feel like most comfortable asking this couple.
But yeah, it's definitely not a traditional way to get pregnant. That's for sure.
So is he asking if he's the asshole or what should he do? He's mostly just asking for advice. He's asking for advice.
Suggestions even. Yeah.
I would definitely say he needs to have some boundaries there. Like, I think that he needs to be comfortable because I mean, he's just kind of like, just a, like a sperm donor, but you also have to like engage in something very intimate with somebody else.
And, um, yeah, like turkey baster, honestly, like would that work? I don't know. The sperm stays alive for like, you know, three days or something crazy like that.
Like why is it that there needs to be, I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know the science. I know.
I don't know the science at all. I think it like it depends on the environment of the vagina.

But. I don't know.
I don't know the science. I know.
I don't know the science at all. I think it like it depends on the environment of the vagina.
But I say like that vagina. Yeah.
But I think like I've heard even sometimes up to seven days. Yeah.
So I feel like if he like does an at home turkey baster, like there's tools, like there's actual tools. Yeah.
And per a quick Google search, success rates for artificial insemination are the same as having intercourse. So it doesn't have to be this whole thing.
No, I was kidding, but you're like fully doing your research over here. Google is easy.
Yeah. It doesn't take, you know.
Honestly, okay. well I feel like like maybe they should try it like that first.
And then maybe, you know, like, you know, that he can have kind of like the room and he can be private and they can take the turkey baster and go. And then she, you know, the 38 year old can, can impregnate, you know, and that way it's between them.
Then it's between them. That would be a much better scenario because then it's like you're actually getting to help with the conception.
For sure. Yeah.
Like you can DIY it. Yeah.
And they used the 38 year olds eggs in the past. Right.
So maybe the 35 year olds eggs are going to be, you know, better. And it doesn't take this actual like in vitro method of like harvesting eggs, fertilizing, re-implanting.
Yeah. Like, I think that having, if they're really good friends, like, I think if you're going to have like a, like, let's say a threesome or, you know, that kind of thing, it does affect the friendship.
Like it does just, like, I haven't specifically done it, but I have a lot of friends who have. And, you know, it makes sense to go with someone that you trust, et cetera, et cetera.
A lot of people go with people they don't know because it's, I don't know, just easier on the relationship if it's just that's all it is. And then, you know, but like if you have to see these people again, who knows, like maybe he's going to like it.
Maybe she's going to like it. Like maybe that's going to like affect their marriage.
So like I feel like before they go down this route, they should exhaust all other options first. Yeah.
That's just, I know it sounds weird, but it's just, to me, I don't know if ruining a really good friendship would be worth it. But yeah.
I agree. Especially because I think he even said they're godmothers to his second born.
So it's like you can try like he seems like he's really happy to donate like he's done it now twice. That's not the issue.
So give it a couple months of like around ovulation like like you're getting maybe new stuff every day and really just squirting it up there just you know a little pipette or whatever you're using. Oh, man.
This is crazy. That is a crazy one.
Oh, my God. Top comment.
I think there are all sorts of awful reasons this is bad. For starters, being the biofather is likely to throw attention into the relationship because that is literally your child.
And when the child gets older, you will be the father. Although I guess that might be better than the kid not knowing their father, but you have probably already gone over that.
Second, and most importantly, just buy a damn insemination kit. They literally- They make kits for this shit? They literally shared it on Amazon.
Right. It's like pipettes.
Oh, wow. And it's so affordable.
Oh, my gosh. That's a great option.
It's literally $15, $13 prime one day delivery. Like this is not bad at all.
Oh, my God. This one comes with a funnel.
Oh, a funnel. A funnel.
Wow. Oh, OK.
Yeah. Wow.
I feel like he's got to kind of be in the room for the funnel. Yeah.
Or like, just like, you know, kind of put your thumb over one end and. Oh my God.
Like a, what is that thing? A beer? Like a beer bong? Like a. Yes.
Oh no. Yes.
Oh my God. A beer bong for semen.
Yeah. No, they have extender syringes.
This is, get the pipettes. Yeah.
They have options. They have so many options.
And I think it's more than fair to try this, especially given the source saying there's no difference between artificial insemination and having intercourse. That's what's up.
Don't overthink it. Yeah, dang.
OP responds. Did not know this was a thing.
Wow. Thank you.
Wow. I didn't either.
I didn't either. Yeah.
I also do kind of disagree with like the person saying being the bio father, like I do think it could their attention in the relationship, but being when the child gets older you will be the father he is just a sperm donor yeah and depending on how they share that info with their kid like i do think the kid should know but it's still like eventually yeah it would be eventually kind of thing i feel like there's a difference between father and dad yeah and like sperm donor some people it doesn't need to be that complicated. No, no, it definitely doesn't.
And I don't know, they could all be some like, you know, weird little non-traditional happy family, right? They're the godparents, right? So like, I don't know, they're kind of already like involved in that way. It's just, you know, a little more non-traditional than that.
You know, maybe this is just one big excuse to have like a little menage, like, twa sort of situation. Like, I don't know.
I don't, I'm surprised that no one knows that this is a possibility out of this group. I know.
I'm curious. I didn't see any other comments really from OP here.
Just very shocked. The only comment is to the pipette thing saying I didn't know it was a thing.
So no comments, you know, clarifying is that 35 year old wife actually bisexual or like what? Because I don't know. I feel like if, if you were just a lesbian, like I, I have friends that are lesbians and like the thought of having sex with a man is just like not not there no not into it and so i feel like that would be really tough so he's in a tough position he really is yeah he's doing a good deed though he is taking one for the team yeah okay moving along this next one is coming from r slash amirong posted 36 minutes ago.
Okay. I pulled it up right before you walked in the door.
Mother-in-law's game destroyed my parents' lives. I want my fiancé to go no contact.
I'm getting married in May, and right now I feel like everything is falling apart. My fiancé's mom, Claire, has always hated me and has been nothing short of an evil bitch.
But at the same time, I get she is his mom. She was by all accounts an excellent mom, and he does love her.
Don't get me wrong. He will set boundaries and put her in her place, but he isn't ready for no contact.
My mom recently got caught having an affair with mother-in-law's best friend, Brad. Oh my God.
And to say it has blown up my family feels like an understatement. Whoa.
Now I know my mom bears the responsibility, but from everything she is telling me, it sounds like Brad was the aggressor. My mom has a lot of self-esteem issues and and then comes this very good-looking, charismatic man, and it was just the perfect storm.
Well, I recently found out that Brad and mother-in-law had some game going on where they both got to pick someone for the other to sleep with. He picked his ex-wife's fiancé, and my mother-in--law picked my mom I have never felt such rage or disgust in my life I want to drive to her house and rip all of her stupid hair out Oh my god My fiancé confronted her and she said it was just a game and a joke And claimed it was only fair after how my mom and her friends bullied her At this point, I truly believe her and Brad are so Wow.
Okay. Interesting.
Wow. Am I wrong? Are you wrong? I mean, no, that's like a literally insane thing to have happen to you.
Going no contact is definitely hard, but if the mother-in-law is like a sociopath or like a narcissist, that's pretty much the only way to get rid of them, so to speak, or to like have them like lose their power. And like, it's not good to diagnose people as like sociopaths or narcissists.
Like people can be, can have tendencies, but it doesn't mean that they're overtly a narcissist. Absolutely, yeah.
It's quite the moral dilemma we're facing. This is really, really tough, yeah.
It's hard because like there's a lot of different parties at fault here. Is the mom absolutely unhinged for creating this game and saying, Brad, you fuck the mom? Yes.
Yeah. No, that's insane.
I'm curious if she was actually bullied by the writer's mom. For sure.
Yeah. I want to know more about that too.
I feel like you can't add that in and then not add more context of was she actually bullied or was what happened there? Not that would like justify it either though too that's

kind of like twisted yeah so um his mom does not have like a husband or anything she's single it sounds like she's single and she really like was interested in this guy like liked him brad sounds like it's mother-in-law's best friend right so then it was kind of like a revenge swap. Like, oh God, that's so twisted.
Brad was like, you fuck my ex. Like you fuck my ex-wife's fiance.
And then I'll fuck someone for you. And it's like, what the fuck? You guys need, you need help.
You need therapy. You need therapy.
That is messed up. But at the same time, the mom of our writer wouldn't have any issues if she wouldn't have cheated.
Yeah. So it's kind of like.
That's a very good point. Like do the two wrongs, like cancel each other out where it's like you guys are both messed up.
Like, are you also cutting off your mom for having an affair on your dad? Like where like how can you ask him to cut off his mom

if you're not willing to cut off yours as well?

That's a very good point.

Because she wouldn't have an issue,

even with Brad and Brad being flirty

and hitting on her and starting this affair.

She wouldn't have an issue

if she wouldn't have gone down that road.

So I'm a little torn on this one.

Yeah, I'm a little torn. I don't really understand how you guys are going to be in the same room together, honestly.
Sounds a little messy to me. Every family has baggage and every family, not like this, but definitely every family like this is next level.
But every family does have baggage and everyone kind of has to come together at the end of the day. It's just one day.
And maybe it could be something where you just like literally avoid each other the whole time. Because like you said, there's a couple parties at fault here.
A couple people made some bad decisions. And I mean, it's if everybody wants to go to the wedding, then it is what it is.
Everybody just kind of has to suck it up and be adults and maybe have security. So there's no fights.
Absolutely. But at the end of the day, yeah, it is kind of about the couple and not about like whatever weird drama is going on between in-laws and in-laws best friends and stuff.
And absolutely. Yeah.
It's tough because if he doesn't want to cut her off, like this is someone you have to deal with the rest of your life. If you guys want kids and end up having kids, she's likely going to be involved in your life.
Yeah, yeah, she will be. So it's one of those things you need to ask yourself, like, unfortunately, do you want to move forward with someone else who you don't have this baggage with? And like this conflict of like their mom and everything that now goes with you moving forward.
It is so important to like like your in-laws. Yeah.
It is like insanely important for you guys to have a good relationship because if it's this bad before you guys are already married, I don't know. It's not going to necessarily get better.
But you can also have minimal contact and not be low contact. You don't have to live together, right? You can just be cordial.
I know that's difficult, but yeah, you can be be cordial about it maybe she might be useful when there's kids in the picture but yeah that's i would not uh i would not want to be in that mess that's a that's a messy one would this be breakup worthy for you um or have you like have you dealt with crazy in-laws in the past where like, you're like, oh, it is easier to move on. Yeah.
I mean, this is, this sounds like this just happened, like one big blowout fight. So like tensions are really, really high.
It's always good to kind of like take a step back and have like some breathing room. Yeah.
How long until the wedding? It doesn't. Oh, May.
The wedding is in May. Oh, so, like, literally next month.

Oh, my God.

In, like, a few weeks.

Yeah, that's crazy.

Maybe they could postpone at least.

Maybe they could postpone and figure some stuff out.

I don't know how easy that would be because, you know, with the wedding so close, they probably can't do that.

Oh, man. Maybe they just need to have, like, one big intervention where they just sit everybody down and everybody just yells at each other.
Honestly, not a bad idea. Like, because I'm sure our writers, mom and dad, they're having their own marriage issues now.
Like that might be a good thing. Like get a mediator in there and just like, you guys are all fucked up.
How do we proceed forward? Like this is our lives. This is about us.
How are we going to do this? Honestly, not a bad, not a bad way to handle it. Nice little intervention with like a therapist in there maybe.
Something has to happen soon though, because if you want the wedding to happen, I think it would probably be good to like have some sort of communication there. Absolutely.
Top comment. You should go no contact with all of your parents because it sounds like both mothers are total fucking assholes.
One for playing games and one for cheating. Don't blame it on the man.
She willingly slept with him. Try eloping.
And that might be a thing too. Yeah, there you go.
I mean, it just, it doesn't sound like, okay, yes, your in-laws are important, but it doesn't sound like this is an issue with like the couple themselves. It's like everyone around them.
And I don't think it's worth, like, I know it's like, you know, am I the a-hole and everybody likes to say, oh, just like break up. It's not that simple.
You can't just't just like you know like if you love a person yeah strangers on the internet can tell you to break up but like it's not really them that have the issue there's been no cheating with like the couple it's just like everyone around them is just batshit crazy um and got some serious things they need to work out so I agree with the eloping comment like maybe maybe they should, you know, go down that route. And if they, you know, like want to do that, then you can sort things out when you get back with your family or not at all, whatever.
But the important thing is that like, it's, it's about them getting married and everybody else is just going to have to pull up their big girl pants and deal with it. Yeah.
Yeah. That is like such a good point because we don't know if they've been together for 10 years or two like this might be really hard to walk away from yeah and if you love like if you love someone it's like it's fucking sucks when your parents are like the issue but yeah if she if she can't come to terms with her fiance and like agree on what to do with his mom with his mom or you get comfortable with you not interacting with her, but he has his own relationship, then it might be really tough to move forward with the relationship.

For sure.

When I had the post originally pulled up, there were only four comments on it.

I just gave it a refresh.

There's now 300.

Wow.

And yeah, this is just not fun. Everyone feels like it reminds them of cruel intentions and things like that.
But yeah, the you should go no contact with all of your parents does have 581 upvotes now. I can't believe it's the parents that are doing this.
You know, it's just like, wow, you guys are acting like kids. Toddlers.
Yeah. Get it together.
Yeah, honestly. It's another good motto of like, also don't shit where you eat.
Period. Yes.
What did you think Brad was doing? Why would you hook up with Brad, mother-in-law's best friend? on come on yeah if you're gonna cheat don't be so dumb it's selfish too you know it's like very like you you were you like not thinking like where was your brain where was it a lot of people don't think like this next one they just they're not using their brainsal lobe is definitely not developed.

This is coming from AITAH titled, Am I the asshole for robbing my wife's affair partner, which has now led to his divorce?

I, 32, have been married to my soon-to-be ex-wife, 30, Madison, for four years. We are currently in counseling, but it is not going to work.
About a year ago, I found out she was having an affair by coming home to their clothes in our living room and sounds coming from our bedroom. Oh, shit.
I lost it. I was getting my cricket bat out of the front closet when I stopped to think about consequences.
I did not want to go to jail. I instead took all of their clothes and left quietly.
I went to a friend's house, but not before throwing all of the clothes in a McDonald's garbage can. I turned off my phone and got shit-faced with my buddy.
His wife hosed us off in the morning.

After I turned my phone back on, I had dozens of calls and texts from Madison.

First, scared because she got my updated flight information.

Then upset that I hadn't called her to let her know I was going to be coming home early.

Then freaked out that the house had been broken into.

Then crazy because she figured out it was me. They got more and more deranged as the calls went on.
The guy she was with is five inches shorter than me and about 60 pounds lighter. I love how you included that.
So if he had taken my clothes, it would have been obvious that they were not his. He ended up calling his friend to go get his spare key from his house.

Unfortunately for him, his wife smelled a rat and followed his friend back to my house,

where she saw him leaving in oversized clothes.

Whoa.

Long story short, she took pictures and she had evidence of his infidelity,

which caused their prenup to be canceled, which cost him a lot of money. It is all one big giant shit show.
It took a couple of months, but my wife convinced me to try and forgive her. We started going to counseling and we were working our way through it until recently.
In a counseling session, she said that I was wrong to steal his wallet, phone, and car keys. She said that his divorce is costing him a lot of money and that I should have dealt with it in a more mature manner and that it is my fault.
I'm sorry, what? No, no, no. That's like the least he could have done, Best i'm he's a way better man than most people like he fully could have grabbed that bat you know like i've wow the delusion so delulu if you think that that what he did is at all like a like a bad response to what he just witnessed and what just happened to him.
My jaw was just dropped. My goodness.
I'm blown away. OP goes on to say, I have never admitted to taking his stuff.
To begin with, I was afraid he might call the cops. Then I didn't want to give her ammunition in case she wanted a divorce.
Now I just don't care. I told her that her cheating was the reason her boyfriend is getting divorced and that I hope his ex takes everything.
Period. I'm still not living at home.
I have my own apartment and I'm filing for divorce. Now that I know how she feels, it is kind of a slap in the face that she is blaming me for his divorce.
So am I the asshole for robbing my wife's affair partner? Absolutely not. No.
No, you could have done so much worse. I would have took the clothes and slashed a couple of tires.
Literally. Why is she so worried about the guy that she, like, why does it matter to you? Like, why? Also, for her to know all that information.
You're still in contact. Yeah.
Like I'm sorry. You guys are still like chatting and like oh he's like venting to you about how horrible his life is because you guys cheated and had an affair.
So. Zero sympathy.
No sympathy. I'm sorry.
I'm like you're preaching to the wrong choir here. Like I don't care.
Ma'am. Go cry a river somewhere else.
Like maybe to him. You guys are both getting divorced now.
Now you can rekindle your little love affair and be done because you are so delusional. And the thing is, it's like you're trying to go to marriage counseling and work through this with your partner.
You should be more concerned about his feelings. It doesn't really doesn't really sound like she's sorry at all.
No. It just kind of sounds like she's still trying to justify what she did and try to like make her partner empathize with the situation.
He doesn't need to. No, the fact that he's even giving her a second chance, like, I'm sorry, in that scenario, you are his bitch for a little bit there.
If that ever happened to me, my partner would have to do so much to regain my trust if there was the option to do that at all. So he's giving you the option to, he's trying to build that trust and you're kind of throwing it in his face.
Who cares what this guy is going through? He did it to himself. You guys did that.
Consequences of your actions. Hello.
Nice to meet you. You play with fire.
You could get burned. Yeah.
You got burned. That's what's up.
Oh, sorry. You don't like consequences of your actions? Okay, well then don't fuck up in the first place.
Also, he's the one that knew he had a prenup with an infidelity clause. Oh, yeah.

There you go.

Like, if you are worried

about that and what a divorce

would entail,

get divorced before cheating.

Like, then you not have to worry

about your wife taking everything.

Yeah.

Come on.

Yeah.

No, it kind of sounds like

he made his bed

and he has to lie in it, honestly.

And I think that

this is a scenario where

I'm going to be. she doesn't really seem to think that that's a big deal or like she's still backtracking and doubling down on certain things and trying to get you to empathize with her situation and the guy that she cheated on you with zero sympathy like none whatsoever you should be concerned about one person yeah your partner yourself so maybe maybe two people yeah but like he is not your concern if you're trying to make this marriage work yeah odd 100 top comment not the asshole can't believe she had the audacity to back him up after she betrayed you with him next comment down if it's not the lion the witch and the audacity of this bitch i like that i want that on a t-shirt oh i wonder what copyright would say about that it's a pretty long statement i feel like it's an old book now too yeah i mean the line the witch in the wardrobe is but like not the not the poem yeah next comment down op needs to unload in counseling about how he feels about the affair partner the kind of people who betray their spouse are scum.
Those who lie to their partner and sneak around are dirt. Those who defend it afterwards are the most bottom feeding of the lot kind of thing.
OP hopes the cheated on wife takes everything but his undies. Then smile sweetly and say, but thankfully, we're not like that.
After all, your undies wouldn't fit me. Ooh.
Interesting. That was a good one.
Someone does comment about how the marriage counselor, like, should have maybe called out the wife during that. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm surprised that they didn't.
I'm curious if a counselor can be that, like, forward with their thoughts. Yeah.
I've always wanted to do couples like

counseling just to like, you know, it's like, you know, uh, oil change for your car, just regular maintenance check in. I mean, I think that they always, as someone who's in lots of therapy, um, they do validate your feelings.
And if some people, you know, it's, it's one of these things where your feelings are valid always,

but it's what you do with those feelings that is, or isn't valid. You know, you can, you're definitely entitled to feel however you want to feel, but like maybe she was just, or he or she was just listening sort of thing.
I'm surprised that, that the counselor didn't interject as well because like,

yeah, that's like fully gaslighting, like trying to make herself the victim or not even herself, like the guy that she cheated with too. Like I still don't understand why we're even talking about this guy.
Annoying. Over it.
I'm bored. Over it.
There's quite a few comments from OP, none that really give new info. He does mention that he did steal money out of the guy's wallet.
Get your coins, sir. I'm sorry.
I'm still not mad. Not mad.
Don't hate it. Don't hate it.
Chuck the phone in a river and go about your day. Yeah, no kidding.
Karma. Deserved.
I think so. Better than a bat.
Yeah. A win is a win.
A win is a win. Like, I think it could have been so much worse.
Like, he's worried about, like, a couple 20s. What? Like, this guy was fully going to go and get a bat and beat your ass.
And you're worried about a couple of 20s in your wallet? I'm so proud of him. Me too.
I'm so proud of him. Love you, King.
Oh, this next one, I don't know if I'm proud about. It is coming from Relationship Advice, 15 hours old.
I, 28 male, recently learned my wife, 27 female, has at some point performed oral sex on her mentor, 64 male. Is this not a big deal? Wife and I have been together for four years, married for one.
She has known this other guy her whole life. Oh, like how young? I had no idea they ever had sexual contact before this incident.
The other day I was on my wife's phone while she was asleep. I know that I shouldn't snoop, but I was.

Anyways, I was scrolling through texts with this mentor-type figure when I ran across this bombshell.

To paraphrase, it was essentially her reminiscing about sucking his dick while also complimenting his semen.

No. No.
Ew. Why would you ever compliment semen? Semen are disgusting.
They smell like a pool. Sorry.
It's gloopy glue. It's like, oh, just the membrane.
No. It's like egg whites, but worse.
It's worse. It's like a booger.
He basically just replied within an emoji and the topic stopped. I confronted my wife.
She claims it's something that happened years ago and is no big deal. Is she right? How should I proceed? Okay.
How young was she when it happened or how long has she known this guy? Well, let's See if there's any comments that give more context. Okay.

She was. happened or how how long has she known this guy well let's see if there's any comments that give

more context okay she wasn't a minor at the time she was 18 slash 19 okay which if she's known him

since she was a baby like if it's a family friend that is that's like predatory yeah that's like

for sure but even then like 18 and 18 or 19 like you're still pretty much a teenager at that age. Like, yes, you're not like legally a minor.
Yeah. And how big is the age difference? He, the mentor, is 64.
She's 27. Ooh, yeah.
Okay. What's that math? Do you know the math like 30 years more or more yeah yeah 34 like just under 30 years yeah I'm really bad at math don't don't quote me on that but three to get to 30 yeah 14 oh no no I'm sorry you guys I'm gonna bring up the calculator I'm just so curious I don No, this is like, it's just like so simple.
And I know there's like add three to get to 30 and 37 year age gap. Bro.
No. So it was a while ago.
So he's not, he wasn't 64 then. No, wasn't 64 then.
If she was 18, that's nine years, 64 minus nine, 56. He he was 56 I really want to know what he looks like oh god well and for her to be complimenting on his dick and semen yeah that's weird for me age gap is like like I'm sorry but how can you do that you that? Your daughter could be that age, right?

I know. I know.
It's so interesting because talking to my dad, he's 65 and single, and his cutoff is like 50. He's like, maybe I'd consider 45.
But 45 at 65 is so much different than like, you know, like even the same age gap scaled down.

Yeah, for sure.

Like. But like 45 at 65 is so much different than like, you know, like even the same age gap scaled down.
Yeah, for sure. Like 18 and then 20 years, like almost 40.
Like that's just kind of, you're so different in like experience. For sure.
Different in experience and also just like a man who's that experience can definitely like manipulate a woman who is like, I think that's why they kind of like them young and dumb because it allows them to sort of manipulate and they don't have any standards yet because it's like, oh, a man like loves me. Thank God.
Just so happy to have, you know, the male attention and you see the boats and everything and whatever. It's easy to get caught up in that.
But I'm just going on a rant here. I of forgot the question i'm just kidding i think but not really our writer is like is it weird yeah is it weird how should i proceed because he confronted his wife and she claims it's something that just happened years ago it's not it's not a big deal but like you're saying it happened years ago but in my head my thought was like you just found out yeah well and how how old are these messages like yeah this might have happened a year ago but like did he really get on her phone and scroll like when when are these messages happening true true yeah so I'd be more concerned about crossover than anything like I don't know like timeline.
Like timeline crossover? Yeah, timeline crossover. True.
Then like, I don't know, maybe he's a good looking guy. Maybe he, you know, like if it was just a thing, it's whatever.
It's whatever floats your boat. Honestly, I would just be more worried about like a crossover than anything.
Yeah, because then, you know, she cheated and your whole relationship really isn't started on good playing field, good solid grounds. So OP responds to someone's comment.
Why were you going through her phone at all? OP says, curiosity, I know I shouldn't have. How old was the message? OP says, a couple of weeks.
No. But seems to be referencing something from a while ago like she's still thinking about his semen like i'm oh god your your semen it was so squishy no i literally i'm such a like sensation texture person like if a banana like if a banana is too ripe.
I literally will gag while eating it. I'm a spitter.

Yeah. sensation texture person like if a banana like if a banana is too ripe yeah i literally will gag while eating it i'm i'm a spitter yeah i just i can't i literally like i've i will do it a couple times like just just like i know that they like it you know like i know they like it i know it's appreciated did you know that if it gets in your eye it will actually like semen will try to impregnate your eye.
Like if it's, that's why it hurts. Sorry, too much information.
No, I love this. Dude, if you get semen in your eye, like it's going to, it's going to fucking hurt.
Like it will, your eyes will water and you won't be able to see for a bit. And it is because the semen are actually trying to impregnate your eyeball.
God, you learned something new every day. Holy smokes.
That's like one thing. We're really diving into this today on our first encounter.
I get like letting someone like come on your chest or, you know, wherever. But like your face, like I would be so scared to like let someone just like openly like my my eyes I wear contacts yeah no oh no definitely not in the eyes but I've heard it's good for your skin that facial I've actually heard it's good for your skin I wonder I'm like is that a rumor people just boys just started oh you know what yeah what? Yeah.
Don't quote me on that. Like maybe.
Yeah. Fact check us today, you guys.
Oh, yeah. That could definitely be.
Yeah. Could you see it? Yeah, I could see it.
Oh, it's good for your skin. It's like, why doesn't it try to impregnate your skin? You know? Why? My pores are tight.
Not getting through my barrier. No.
My epidermis. Oh, man man guys are just something else yeah this one this would probably be divorce worthy for me yeah no well i mean she's fully yeah emotionally cheating if not like if that like smoke there's fire type thing like i feel like if she's talking to this dude and it's been like a couple of weeks since she shared that kind of a text there's probably more going on there yeah I think it's inappropriate yeah even if they're not still doing stuff that is extremely inappropriate what was the purpose of that message you're married yeah happily question mark for.
That's not something like if I if I were to text my ex boyfriend or previous partner that I've had sex with and we're still complimenting their dick. Yeah.
Semen. No.
My fiance would be really hurt. Also, does it still look the same? You know, like it's been some time.
It's been some time. Maybe it hasn't been some time.
We don't know. We don't know.
But it might not look the way you know like it's been some time it's been some time maybe it hasn't been some time we don't know we don't know but it might not look the way it did before just saying that's one thing i am nervous about with aging i'm like what is what it's gonna happen well i mean they definitely dangle a little more you know like i know things are dangling there's ball plastic surgery oh you can tighten your sac you know sacplasty sack plasty is that what it's called i have no idea it should be called testicular something plastic yeah but you can tighten it up because the gravity it does start to go down and then like as your body because ball sacks are like the most fascinating thing because like when it's well when it's, it'll like pull closer to keep the semen like alive and healthy. And then if it's hot, it will descend.
Right. Some, our bodies are so nuts.
They're freaky as fuck. Yeah.
So nuts. So nuts.
There is a question that OP responds to. Okay.
Someone goes, is she a champion dick sucker who goes down on you at the drop of a hat? OP goes, kind of, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, thank you. Okay, that is very valuable context.
Didn't, didn't, no, didn't. No.
Might be why he's, you know, coming to Reddit asking if he should leave or not. Yeah.
Crazy. But yeah, I would say that if she's still at the very least emotionally cheating, I would definitely be questioning that relationship.
Yeah. Or trying to shoot her shot.
Yeah. Yeah, totally.
Because the top comment says if she's reminiscing, it sounds like she misses him. Yeah.
His response implies he doesn't miss her. You need to ask her why she felt the need to contact him about this and tell her to block him.
She's like fishing, you know, like she's almost like she's like fishing to see if it's still like. That's what it's giving, you know, 100 percent.
Yeah. And maybe they're talking and he just didn't want to provide like a text trail.
And so it was just like an emoji and like whatever. Yeah.
need to block each this is this man married or not there's no there's no mention no mention no mention of his relationship status i'm really curious now that is that is curious curious and curious really wild okay moving along this next one title really just got me messed up. Haven't gotten too into it myself.
I was like, after a juicy title, I'm like, I'm going to flip a coin. I'm just going to let, you know, Jesus take the wheel.
Jesus in both hands. Just 10 and 2.
Please be good. Don't make me regret it.
Yeah. So this is originally coming from Am I the Asshole, three days old, titled, Am I the Asshole for not telling my brother about my mom's death because he didn't answer the phone? Oh, okay.
Okay. I, 32 female, have a brother, Max, 34 male, and three other siblings.
His partner, Anne, is obsessed with boundaries,

but she never sets them until they've apparently already been broken. A big gripe was that mom called Max too much, aka two to three times per week.
Max never mentioned an issue to mom,

but he let Anne attack her character hugely during one of her calling out sessions.

A few weeks later, before they went on a trip, he messaged the group chat. It was clearly written by Anne, saying they didn't want to hear from us that entire week and that they would block us if we disturbed them on their vacation.
It was a long and nasty message clearly directed at mom. She was upset, but asked us to keep the peace because Ann was intimidated the last time we pushed back at her.
Two days after they left, mom died unexpectedly. Dad called me at 830 and 45 minutes later, I tried to call Max for the first time.
I then sent a text saying, quote, answer your phone. It's urgent.
Then called again. I sent two more messages and called four more times that day.
The next time I tried was the day before the funeral. I sent him a text saying he must know it's serious and I need him to call me.
On the day, I called six hours before so he'd have time to come back. Then again an hour before.
In total, I called 16 times. My sister tried seven times and my dad tried three.
When they got back, he, aka she, sent me an essay to the group chat about how we're bullies taunting them and trying to ruin their relationship and that we will never see either of them again what the fuck are you so delusional did you you don't wow my youngest brother 20 male responded quote mom died on sunday consider your wish granted cunts. Period.
And booted him from the chat. Well done.
Max then rang me 22 times in a row. I sat and watched them all ring out.
We siblings headed straight to the house because we knew he'd turn up there. My youngest brother, 20 male, who still lives at home, was by far the angriest about the situation, so we didn't want to tempt fate.
They showed up, furious, nowhere near as furious as we were, though. The long story short is that none of us, except one sister, the reason I'm posting, have seen or spoken him since this all went down.
Dad has made it clear he lost both his wife and son that day. Wow.
Fair. My position is that it was obvious the situation was urgent, that I slash we made more than enough effort, and that the outcome is all on him.
This all happened in December, but dad recently cleared out Max's stuff from the spare room and gave it to his best friend to pass on. Now Max is reaching out, wanting apologies for him

and Anne, but ultimately to get back into the family. One sister is in contact with him and

is applying pressure to the rest of us. She started to become judgmental about not telling him,

but we have reminded her that she owns a phone and could have done so at any time. I'm still very angry with him, and I'm leaning towards no longer inviting her to our weekly dinners, a big deal for us, especially now.
Am I the asshole for not telling him mom died, cutting him off, and considering doing the same to my sister. I mean, okay.
So I don't think that you're the a-hole with regards to the brother. I think that the fact that he is demanding an apology when he was so unbelievably disrespectful over something so stupid, I like fully, you know, if anybody should be apologizing, it should be him.
The sister kind of sounds like she's a bit of a people pleaser. She kind of like, you know, feels bad.
She wants, you know, the family to come together over it. You know, maybe she's been talking to people who are like, but we're family, you know, all that shit.
We're family. And then it's like, okay, so then why did we not act like family before? Why am I the only person that has to, like, act like family, you know? Yeah.
It's always people that, like, want you to, like, step up and be a family member. But then what about all the people that, you know, in your family who didn't treat you like family? Yeah, the double standard of it.
This is just like a really awful situation. I can't even imagine losing your mother and then be fighting with your whole family over it.
Like this is supposed to be a time when you guys really are supposed to be coming together. But I mean, the situation is what it is.
I would say definitely the brother made his bed.

If anything, he has to apologize.

Thank you.

Yeah, you know, he needs to apologize.

And then, you know, I just don't really think it's worth like cutting another family member off just because maybe they, you know, just kind of want all the drama to end sort of thing.

I don't think it's worth like cutting off another family member in a time when I feel like you guys need to support each other. But yeah, that's how I feel about it, I think.
Yeah, I think you're spot on in your advice. Someone, the top comment actually does say, I'm so sorry about your mother.
What a terrible time for you and your family. You are not the asshole for ignoring your brother now.
He doesn't deserve any apologies. You do.
I would not OP does respond. Thank you so much for your kind words.
The sister who is applying the pressure is going to be tough to manage. She's the eldest and it seems she's taking it upon herself to reunite the family.
I don't think she will give up, but I might send her a message letting her know what's going to happen if she carries on. I don't see it going well.
Yeah. I mean, that's fair.
Deal with it when it happens though. Yeah.
One step at a time. I think, yeah, first of all, if you're watching this, very sorry for what has just happened.
That's terrible. But yeah, like tensions are going to be high for a while.
And you guys all had something very traumatic happen to you. And I think it would probably be best to not, you know, continue the cycle of negativity and cutting everybody out

of your life and, you know, try to find, you know, have your boundaries for sure. Like don't let people push you around, but it might be best for, you know, the conflict to end there.
Yeah. I think it's just like, don't do any more damage.
You don't have to like only, this is a grotesque saying but it's like something along the lines of like only cut the like the cancer that you need to yeah like the tumor or whatever it is like don't go too aggressive but I'm just I'm blown away by the fact that he is demanding an apology and it's like have you lost sight of yourself so much that like you're letting your wife control your relationship with your family like getting called from a parent two to three times a week is nothing I talk to my mom like every other day I don't that's great like that's healthy that's you know I could understand if it was like two to three times a day. A day.
Yeah, that's a lot. I was surprised.
I was like two to three times. Isn't that normal? Like, don't we? Yeah.
Yeah. Like if you have a health, if you don't, then it might not be.
But if you have a healthy relationship with your parents, you should be talking to them a couple times a week if you can, if you have the time. Yeah.
Yeah. So it's just preposterous.
And it's like, you clearly had your phone on you. Did you block your whole family before or during you know at the beginning of that trip so you didn't see any of those calls come through yeah like that is solely on you yeah and if you did see the calls coming through that means you just ignored 30 plus calls from your family clearly if someone's calling you 30 times something is very wrong clearly yeah so you have no one to blame but yourself the only thing i would like give grace to is like the wife is kind of giving extremely controlling i'm like starting to question i'm like is this really what he wants or is he maybe slipping into a toxic yeah maybe she's kind of like you know brainwashing it maybe she's a bit abusive or something like that isolating him from um from his family that sort of thing like there could be something going on there that you don't you don't really know about because yeah that's that's what you know abusers do is they try to like isolate you from everybody else and they really twist your perception of things.
She's being very successful. Yeah.
If that's what's happening here. For sure.
To the point where like, you know, somebody died and you know, the delusional, like, Oh, they're so obsessed with like, what was going through your head? Like there's 30 calls. Oh my God.
obsessed with us like they just like see see see like can't you just no babe somebody died like literally somebody died this is not about you and your relationship like there's an emergency here you know that that's exactly what she sounded like yeah like we knew this would happen oh my god they're so obsessed with us we can't even have one vacation. Can't we just like live? Your family is so controlling.
I want to cut her hair. Maybe put gum in it.
A gum like that is just a day rooner. Yeah.
So, so unfortunate. I'm just like, I feel bad.
I feel really bad for OP. Me too.
Lots and lots of comments. I'll be sure to post the link for this one if you guys want to go and look through them all or offer support for our OP here.
But people were, I think, criticizing or maybe asking how long it was from the time your mom passed to when the funeral was. And OP says she died on a Sunday and was buried on a Tuesday.
We're not really religious, but it's a cultural tradition to bury within 24 hours. We live in a fairly small town in the UK and Sundays are a nightmare for anything.
So it didn't quite work out that way. But I think like, again, he had two days to answer a phone call to multiple days.
Like I know for like my family, like the Jewish tradition, you have to have the funeral within three days. So I think that's like totally fair.
Like respect the culture. And like, again, this is just on him.
Someone is criticizing her, though, saying you should have just texted him what it was about. And OP is like, what? So like I should have said.
No, that is not something that you say in a text. I don't get why people don't understand that.
No, that's not something that you like, oh, just drop it in the group chat. Mom's dead.
Sorry. Like, no, that's a phone call or you say it in person, but obviously they were away so they couldn't really do that.
Yeah. Yeah.
Just no, that's not how you tell someone. No.
And people are like commenting. They're like, maybe you didn't make it seem urgent enough.
I think 30 phone calls is pretty evident that there's an emergency. OP responds, what part of messages saying things like, quote, it's urgent.
You need to answer the phone. Yeah.
Quote, call us as soon as you get this message. Quote, Max, this is serious.
You need to get in touch. Leaves him not knowing there's an emergency.
Unless he was born yesterday, you can clearly see those messages and know something is going on.

Dire situation.

Answer the phone.

What an asshole. Yeah.
Wow. What a weird response.
So weird. So weird.
I just like I can't imagine like and even like trying to give him the benefit of the doubt where or like devil's advocate where it's like, OK, you now feel really, really guilty. Like if he's of sound mind, like he feels guilty.
He didn't get to, you know, say goodbye to his mom and he sent this nasty message like he should feel guilty. And guess what? He should have been OK with having her call two to three times a week and now he doesn't get those calls anymore yeah so it's like even if that like those are his feelings and he's projecting in a weird way no clock it no clock it go to therapy start working.
Identify if this is a healthy relationship for you.

Like based on the context we have, like this seems like a very healthy, great family dynamic.

Like family dinners regularly, like two to three times a week.

Yeah.

Honestly.

Fucking asshole.

Yeah.

That poor mom.

That poor woman.

The.

Okay.

Moving along.

Okay. One last one for us.
Time flies when you're having fun my goodness this is coming from best of redditor updates three days old titled am i the asshole for falling out of love with my wife after she took a seven week vacation oh i 32 male have been married to my wife 30 four years, and we've been together for eight. She's a stay-at-home mom.
We have Irish twins, one female, two male, which have been incredibly taxing for my wife. She wanted a solo vacation break for a few weeks where she would travel to different states, visit her high school and college friends, go to concerts, and do a lot of fun stuff.
She asked if I would be okay with it. I asked if she could make it a couple of weeks shorter because seven weeks of managing our two children alone sounded really daunting, especially since work was also getting taxing recently.
I do work remote, so at least that worked in my favor. My wife and I discussed for a couple of days, and I ultimately agreed with her that she did deserve a break because of what she has been through the past few years.
And so she took her vacation. The first week managing our children alone was extremely difficult, and I did feel like I was losing my mind.
But I survived. My sister came over to help me from the second week on.
She was honestly a lifesaver, and I will be eternally grateful for her. I never directly asked her to help me, but I guess I did indirectly because when she video called me at the end of the first week, I basically broke down in tears.
So from the second week on, my sister stayed over at my house to help with my children, and a huge burden had been lifted off of my shoulders. I was also really able to focus on work and meet my deadlines.
To be brutally honest, I did not miss my wife at all. I was emotionally and mentally relaxed and also had a lot of fun with my children and my sister.
I felt a sense of betrayal that my wife had actually gone through with the seven-week vacation. I slowly fell out of love with my wife.
When she came back from her vacation, she was super refreshed and recharged, but to be honest, I was a bit indifferent. My wife tried to initiate sex the first night she came back, which I rejected because I said I wasn't feeling it.
The subsequent days, I had the same level of indifference in our day-to-day life, and she probably noticed it but didn't say anything. A week later, she asked me why I was acting like this, and I told her I don't love her anymore.
Wow. She apologized for taking the seven-week vacation and asked if there was anything we could do to fix it.
I told her no. We pretty much went through the motions the next couple of weeks before I finally decided that I wanted a divorce.
She seemed devastated when I brought up divorce, which surprised me because I had already told her I don't love her anymore. She asked if we could do couples therapy or marriage counseling first before I started looking for a divorce lawyer, and I told her I needed some time to think about it.
I've spent a few days thinking about it, and I'm still leaning towards divorce because I basically don't love my wife anymore. I don't think marriage counseling can fix it.
So am I the asshole for falling out of love with my wife because she took a seven-week vacation? I don't think so. I mean, you feel however you feel, right? Like, I think that it wasn't just about the vacation.
It was also about, like, her needing that much time away from him and away from their kids and away from their life. Like, damn, like seven weeks is a lot.
That is like, that is crazy, dude. Like, what is that? Just under two months? It's basically two months.
That is like, that is an insanely, like, I don't know how you can, I'm, I've been on vacation, vacation, like work trip for like six days now. I can't wait to get home

to my boyfriend. Like I cannot wait.
Like I, I don't know how you could, um, need a break from life so badly. And like also your support system too.
Right. Yeah.
Well, it's interesting. and the youngest is one.

I wonder if she's dealing with like maybe some postpartum, like persistent postpartum disorder. Could be.
Because to need seven weeks away, that's quite some time. But that's also developmental.
Like, isn't that like a really important time to be like around your kid?

Like, yeah, okay, fair enough.

You're having postpartum depression.

It's just like it seems like a very long time to be away from your child while they're like developing.

And like you need to have that, you know, skin to skin contact and stuff.

And like, you know, I don't know what like so she just she gave birth.

And then what exactly was going on that she needed to take a break from so badly, like a seven week long break?

Thank you. Like, yeah, you know, I don't know what like so she just she gave birth.
And then what exactly was going on that she needed to take a break from so badly, like a seven week long break? Yeah. So Irish twins have been incredibly taxing for my wife is what OP says.
What's an Irish twin? It's like they're born a certain month distance apart. So it's like basically you had sex as soon as you could after that first one was born.
And then you got pregnant again. Yeah.
Okay. I did not, I thought that I was picturing like redhead babies.
Like, I don't know. Like, oh yeah, we redheads were a pain in the ass, you know? Like redhead Irish babies.
Oh my gosh. I didn't know what you meant when you said that.
Okay. So for those listening.
She's basically consecutively pregnant for like almost two years. The term Irish twins refers to one mother having two children who were born 12 months or less apart.
Got it. So, yeah, that's a lot.
Yeah, it could be that she was dealing with a lot of postpartum. Like, I mean, maybe she just didn't even have time to have postpartum after the first one, and then it would just all hit her.
if they're a year apart you had sex three months after your first was born yeah the height of newborn yeah crying waking up sleep disturbance like yeah and then you're pregnant for the next nine months with an infant yeah and now you have two infants yeah you're changing two babies diapers i'd go fucking She's, she's valid. Honestly, like maybe not seven week vacation valid, but like valid.
Definitely valid for needing a break. Well, and I'm really dissecting it too.
Do you find it kind of concerning that he couldn't really handle one week? I mean, I find it kind of ironic that there's lots of single mothers out there that are doing it alone.

And yeah, it's hard.

It's really fucking hard.

Surprise.

Yeah.

So I'm like, OK, after only one week, you're crying.

And then your sister comes for the next six weeks.

So much so that it like it honestly doesn't really mention him helping with child care after his sister got there oh wow interesting you know what i'm saying and so he's a little he's butthurt about yeah i just like i'm like how involved are you as a dad like maybe it's justified your wife needed this extended vacation do i personally think seven weeks is too long Yeah. Two, maybe three weeks tops and my head feels justifiable for sure seven that's a lot but I'm like I'm getting like I'm just getting a vibe from him that maybe he's not the most spiteful or like weaponized incompetence type thing that and he's maybe not being like a good um information provider like he's not necessarily the most reliable source but it's interesting that he felt that way after like one week like yes maybe one week when you're not used to it but like yeah after I would feel like five weeks or something you know halfway through or something you're really really struggling because you're trying to balance everything and like it's fair to fair to ask for help after that.
But like, I don't know, that's, uh, that's crazy to me that he couldn't even stand one week, you know? It's so odd. Top comment on the original post.
My mom went on an eight week vacation when we were kids. Decades later, we found out it was inpatient rehab.
Oh. Not even our dad knew where she actually went.

Oh. decades later we found out it was inpatient rehab oh not even our dad knew where she actually went oh so like she could have been at some sort of facility wow yeah that's I feel like if that's true it says a lot about their relationship and it's like okay well if she needed that then she needed that but but it's kind of like in my head i'm like you should be able to talk to your partner and he should know that yeah if yeah so i find it interesting that there's no details on like where she went though too you know well and he doesn't even mention talking to her during that time yeah like he mentioned her like plan initially like she's going to visit friends from high school and college in various states and like bop around but he doesn't mention talking to her at all during that stint of time she might not have had her phone dude yeah okay wow this took a turn I was like initially totally on his side but then I just just like, I feel like there's something more going on there.
Doesn't it feel fishy? Okay, maybe I'm being paranoid because that happens a lot. And then we get the update and it's like, okay, Morgan, you went nuts.
But okay, okay, let's get to this update. Oh, there's an update.
There's an update. There's an update.
More context. I posted my original post late last night and went to sleep immediately after.
I have deleted it for anonymity's sake, but it was preserved here. I woke up this morning, spent an hour reading the comments, and decided that I at least owe it to our children to try couples therapy before considering divorce.
Do you not also owe it to your wife a little too? Yeah. I don't know how you could, and maybe this is like, maybe he's neurodivergent or something.
Because like, I know with me and ADHD, like I don't miss people the same way that other people do. I get it.
I like being alone. Out of sight, out of mind.
Yeah, for sure. I'm not the best communicator with family or friends long distance, but to fall out of love.
Yeah. You, so much you married her and had kids with her.
I'm concerned. I told my wife of my decision and she was really happy about it, but I also told her I don't expect too much to come out of it because I just didn't love my wife anymore and wasn't sure if couples counseling would fix that.
I want to clarify a couple of things.

Money was not an issue. I'm lucky to be working in a high-paying, albeit stressful job.
It really doesn't bother me how much money my wife spent on her trip. The main issue was I was emotionally and mentally overwhelmed managing two children while I was also working full-time.
My wife was also specifically against daycare for personal reasons. By the end of the first week, I had lost my sanity and basically broken down in tears when my sister video called me.
My sister had enough time to come over and help me from the second week on, and she really wanted to because it gave her purpose in life. she has no plans to be in the workforce and she's pretty much set in life because of my father's money.
I did ask my father to not leave any money behind for me and give everything to my sister because I was already in the workforce and had a good job. That's it? That is not what I wanted.
That's not what I wanted. No, that's, that's, that's you really left me hanging there like i feel like everybody's feelings are valid i think that she really deserved a break i think that he is i like why fall out in love out of why would he fall out of love with someone after you know seven weeks of like what what did she do? Did she try to keep in touch? Like, you just didn't like that she went on a vacation.
You didn't like that, you know, she left you there on, like, why did you fall out of love? I don't get it. I'm, yeah.
Like, what is seven weeks? And I don't know. Someone does ask, did you or the kids have any contact with your wife during this seven-week vacation?

OP responds, she called me two times during the entirety of her vacation.

Account's been suspended.

I can't look up any comments. The moderators even went so far as to remove OP's comments now.

But, like, he never addressed people speculating about like a rehab unit yeah for sure how yeah give give the people what they want to know sir i mean it sounds like he's whining that he has to take care of his children but it's also something that he doesn't really understand how hard it is for women who have just get like I cannot 18 months pregnant consecutive that is like that is nuts I don't know I don't know how she did it I think that maybe he also needs to give his wife a little bit of grace as well here like yes it was hard for him but like it was also very hard for her and he's never going to understand what it feels like.

Yeah.

Well, and it's I think it's interesting, too, where he's like, it was so hard for me during the one week while working full time.

True.

Like, I get that.

But your wife does this 24-7.

Yeah, for sure.

She never gets a break.

Yeah.

How do you think she feels?

For sure.

Two kids under two. Come on.
Yeah. Something's up here.
Yeah. Something's up.
I work. There's no mention of her working, but I would assume given the vibe, stay at home mom.
Yeah. Okay.
So like doing doing a lot like i'm so confused yeah someone comments on the best of redditor updates and goes seven weeks and only two calls it sounds like she went away and was considering a divorce herself yeah but changed her mind and then point good yeah hot take potential yeah and then someone on the updates goes in the original post a lot we're speculating on rehab and in the update on that post too a lot of people are speculating like in seven weeks she called twice wow i would be calling each day to say good night to my kids totally that is bad yeah so i'm like if genuinely was on vacation, there's pictures with her friends that prove it. She has receipts from every different state.
Then I'm like, OK, this is really weird. And maybe you both just kind of have issues like you're like neither one is really wrong.
But if she really in a facility then I'm like okay he's more so the asshole for sure definitely I'm curious because he also said in that update money wasn't an issue so like he knows how much her trip was yeah definitely and rehab is not cheap yeah I don't know if there is like also if it was just a regular vacation and you're only checking in with your husband twice, that's also like not good. I feel like I need to know where she was in order for me to accurately say whether like who's the a-hole here.
Yeah. Because in his head, if she's only calling twice, he might start to feel abandoned.
like she really doesn't care about which is valid yeah and that's so valid yeah so i mean if that's how it went down i i i'm really torn now yeah i know i'm really torn yeah same here i cannot wait to hear your guys's thoughts oh yes on these especially this last one charlotte thank you so much for being here thank you for having me that was a good chat that was so good where can everyone find you? your channel, all your amazing projects you've got going on oh I have a few things in the works but yeah you can follow me at Charlotte Dobre on YouTube and Facebook as well and yeah we're on Facebook as well are you on the talk? the TikTok? I'm on the talk, yeah. But I just kind of post whatever I, like am I the a-holes that I put on YouTube on TikTok.
I like it, I like it. Yeah.
Amazing. I'll be sure to have all of Charlotte's links in the description.
Go over to her YouTube, give it a subscribe. Your videos are edited such- Oh, thank you.
Like the detail, the effects, like it's amazing. So it keeps it flowing.
I will tell my editors you said that. I'm sure they'll appreciate it.
It's so good. It's so good.
Thank

you so much. And thank you so much for having me.
This was so much fun. So good.
Yay. Thank you

guys for being here. Another episode, head over to Patreon if you want more.
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