163: Anything but Perfect..

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Limon. Limon.

That was beautiful. Thank you.

I am so excited to have you here today.

Thanks. Oh, did we start now?

Yeah, we're rolling. Oh.

Just like that.

Just like that. We're in it.
SJP.

All at me. You guys are

seeing a new face.

You're hearing a new

beautiful voice.

I'm so, so excited to introduce you to my friend Richa. Hello.
What were you talking about? We were like, okay, what's your elevator pitch going to be? I know. I don't know how to like, I'm not socially awkward, but I think I'm socially awkward when I have to talk about myself.
You know what I mean? Like I don't know what to say. I'm Richa.
I'm Morgan's friend. Yep.
That's what I say to everybody, by the way, even when I'm not in this room. Okay.
That's how I present myself. I'm from California.
Still here to this day. And yeah, I don't know.
I'm just a normie. I'm not exciting.
A muggle. I'm a muggle.
I am fully a muggle. It sounds like a slur when you say it out loud.
It does. Like, and I know that's what it kind of is in Harry Potter world.
Yes. But it like, it does feel good saying it.
I know. But you know, there was an interview recently with one of the actresses from Harry Potter, like an older actress.
And she was like, the people that are still obsessed with Harry Potter need to move on. Like, that's a problem.
I felt personally attacked. I was like, okay, let me go throw away all the things from Potter World that I have at home.
Oh, my God. What's your Patronus? Um, I feel like I got an elephant once on a, like, a Harry Potter World quiz.
I could do that. Which felt a little bit, like, targeted at me being Indian.
I'm just kidding. I think I just, like, positioned it that way.
but I love elephants. So I'll take it.
Elephants are magical. Have you met one? Yeah.
Okay, good. In India.
Yeah. I don't ride.
I'm not into the like riding of the animal, but I have visited and seen many. Yeah.
I went to a sanctuary in Thailand and they are just such magical. And they like throw the water on you at their trunk.
Oh, they're so cool. We got to give them a mud bath.
Love. I love elephants.
I got a horse for my Patronus. So that feels so accurate.
A white stallion. Wow.
That's very you. Yeah.
And I was a, I was a Ravenclaw. Ooh, I'm a Gryffindor, but last, this is like becoming, you should have chosen Harry Potter.
Next time, next time. But I'm a Gryffindor.
But last, this is like becoming, you should have chosen Harry Potter. Fuck.
Next time, next time. But I'm a Gryffindor.
Okay. I could see that for you.
Just in case anyone wanted to know. You're kind of like this athletic, perfect little person just going through life, crushing it.
Oh, no, no. I don't know about that.
Rich is a big deal. Oh, no.
Small deal. No, you're just so cute.
And I feel like you, I'm really excited to have you because you are just such like a authentic, genuine, kind individual. You show up for your friends in big, meaningful ways.
Family. You're just like so family oriented.
You're always like flying to India to go to weddings. And like, I just live vicariously through you a little bit when I see all your fun celebrations.
And you're adorable.

Oh, I didn't even pay her to say that.

I'm really excited to get your takes today. I know.
I'm excited.

I feel like I remember when you first started this on an iPhone by yourself.

And now here we are.

Some real shit more.

Here we are.

Okay. Are you ready?

I'm ready. I'm ready.

Okay. Let's dive in.

Are they the asshole?

We're going to find out today.

I guess we are. so this first one is only seven hours old coming from our very own too hot takesotTakes subreddit, it is titled,

Husband attacks in his sleep. I haven't slept in days.
I'm ready for it. I'm 24 female and my husband is 24 male.
We are happily married. We've been married a year, known each other since 2018, officially dated all 2022 and then married 2023.
We have a history like a rom-com. I am very in love with this man.
He's not abusive or anything. There's literally nothing wrong.
I'm just at the end of my rope with this, and I have no idea what to do. This is a vent, but I'm open to any advice.
So my husband has always had trouble sleeping. He complains that he hardly ever has dreams.
I'm talking one to four dreams per year. He also can talk, blink, and act like he's awake aside from actually getting up.
This is made for some funny times as I'm a light sleeper. In the middle of the night, I'll ask him something and he'll say the most random and funniest things.
He has no memory of this in the morning and we laugh about it. This is the actual issue though.
He will also flail his arms and smack me in the face. He's a mechanic slash gym rat.
His arms are like meaty weights. It's not intentional.
I once smacked him back in surprise and he literally laughed, then whined that it's raining too hard and turned over. He's not awake or aware of any of this.
He'll apologize like crazy the next morning and do anything to make up for it. It hurts to see him so upset at something he can't control.
This man has literally come home from work to take care of a spider for me. I know he doesn't mean to, but gosh dang it, I want to sleep without being attacked.
All caps. We've tried separate sleeping, but I hate that.
We're snugglers, and he will come to me in the middle of, very, very light sleeper, I can understand her probably just like, yeah, she's at her what's end, right? She's like, what the heck do I do? I need sleep, but I love this man. In my head, I was like, obviously just different rooms.
No duh. But I mean, they've they've already tried that I get the snuggling thing but also again as a fellow light sleeper like if I'm snuggling with someone it's all cute and fine but then I'm like okay now I need you to not touch me while I sleep because I'm such a light sleeper so I'm the same way if she's that close to him and he's like yanking this stuff and hitting her either they need to like try a week of sleeping in separate rooms and really commit to it so that she can actually like she's at her wits end.

What are you going to continue to not sleep?

No.

For the sake of cuddling.

Like you've been with each other long enough where you're like going to be comfortable, hopefully.

Or, you know, cuddle and then go sleep.

But I feel like they should, you know, those like put not twin beds, but like put two beds together, have your own bedding. Yes.
Hopefully he doesn't still reach and yank and you're not freezing your ass off. But like two separate beddings, you have those like mattresses that are kind of the same mattress, but two different temperatures and whatever's and put a pillow in between you if he's, I do that all the between me and my whoever I'm next to that was my idea too like those you know those pregnancy pillows where they're like really big and long yeah just like have a divider yeah I I slept in a king bed for like the first time in years yeah like last weekend with Justin and when he was on his side of the bed and I was on my side of the bed it felt like we were in different zip codes like i didn't feel him move i didn't feel anything and we actually sleep with our own blankets like i think it's so it's so key it's so much better for your sleep yeah because you stay temperature regulated yeah it's like the number one sleep disturbance i've learned from all of like my sheets ads I do.
I learned. That's fair.
The plug is real. I feel like it's, what's that marriage advice? It's like have separate bathrooms if you can afford it.
And it's like something you're able to do if you're building your own home, two separate toilets or whatever. I feel the same about beds.
It doesn't have to be two separate beds, but like two separate situations so that you're both covered. But she's going to listen to this and be like, girl, I told you he's smacking me.
He's like a long meaty hand hitting me across the pregnancy pillow. So then, I mean, you got to, I don't think you're the asshole, but I don't think anybody's an asshole in this situation.
He can't help himself. And I can't imagine how he's waking up every morning in anguish over the fact that he's hurting or keeping this, you know, his partner up at night.
That sucks. But I also can't imagine he feels rested the next day.
No. Can you like imagine like sleeping with your eyes open? Or maybe he's just so rest.
I don't know. I don't know.
That would be crazy. But if I were her, I mean, I can't I sleep like five to six hours a night, which is really bad.
But if I'm sleeping in the same bed, I know it's not, I have my own sleep problem. See, so this is actually, I know you didn't even know that, but I relate.
So if I'm sleeping next to somebody that goes down to like two to three hours, it's really bad. So I feel her frustration, but I also feel her like, I feel bad about it, but I'm so frustrated.
I've become a lighter sleeper age. And I would love to know if there's any studies, if you guys out there know of any.
But I'm wondering if it's because of like being like a biological woman, like where it's like you're supposed to be a lighter sleeper because of like child rearing or like some like biological need. I'm so curious about it because I used to sleep like just a rock.
rock. And the older I get, the lighter I sleep.
Is that a biological thing? Like we're, I've been child rearing for 30 years because I've been a light sleeper all my life. Oh my God.
That's why I've got, I use the data to like gamify my sleep and I do the like, whatever the trend is, the tart cherry juice and the magnesium and it kind of helps like chill me out, I guess. But I mean, it's some good CBD.
Yeah. And I travel.
I'm in a hotel half the year, as you know. That's probably why.
And so it's hard. I'm on different coasts every other week and that doesn't really help the situation.
But as this girl, I can only imagine how you just can't operate as a regular human being every day if you can't sleep. So girl, have your cuddles and then go to it.
Yeah. Or just even like two beds in the like sleep on it.
Have him sleep on a day bed and you're in the real bed or something. Try out not missing each other, but missing each other enough to be able to sleep.
That's a thing in other countries. I remember I went to, I think it was Hungary.
Um, and one of the places we stayed, it was like a queen bed. We asked for a queen, but it was two twin beds pushed together.
So often. And it's honestly, it was so nice, especially because it was me and Lauren traveling.
I'm like, we didn't need to cuddle. This was great.
Every time I travel with my girls, I'm like, that's sure. I love it.
I'm confused why there's no mention of like he's done a sleep study or like he's going to do a sleep study because I read this and I'm like, sleep study, non-negotiable. Yeah.
He's got to go in there, get all the electrodes hooked up. He's got to see what's going on with his sleep.
Yeah. A hundred percent.
Maybe there's, you know, a little bit of a thing they could do. There is some things that people can do for insomnia or sleep paralysis.
I mean, I don't want to, I don't know what he has, but definitely something. I mean, where he's like literally hitting her now and thinking about like, I would put an oven mitt on in the middle of the night.
So it's like softens the blow or something like that sounds crazy, but I would be desperate to try everything too. I think he might need a Snuggie.
Like, have you seen those little baby sleepers where it's like you, cause you don't want to like have blankets or things that can get loose on babies. So there's this new thing for babies that all my like nieces and nephews, nieces and nephew, I don't know how multiple have been in.
All my one. And it's like a flying squirrel outfit and you just zip them up in it, but then they can't like, yeah, the sleep sacks.
Yeah. that's what he needs.
My nephew, we put him in one too. And he's like.
It's like a little slug. It is kind of a straitjacket.
It is a straitjacket. That's what he needs.
He could easily have an adult version made. Just team up with a local seamstress, you know, pair to make it.
He should make it. He should start a company and be like, this is from my personal experience of not whacking my partner in the middle of the night.
I wonder if this would help all those like sleepwalker people on TikTok too. Their videos are crazy.
I started to get that in my algorithm a lot. And then I was like, am I going to get influenced to do this? Like, I don't know.
It just became a little bit of a dark hole. I know.
Top girl. I hope she figures it out.
I think we get some answers because the top comment says separate sleeping is the best option for now. Cuddle until he falls asleep and then go to the other bed, perhaps.
Other than that, maybe there's a physiological component to it. I would have him see a doctor and get a sleep study done.
Oh, you're so smart. It's possible he isn't getting good sleep if he's showing this level of activity at night.
OP responds, we've talked about it. He's got the nose thing for now to measure something.
He's going in next week. What's the nose thing? I'm wondering if it's measuring like the breathing rate.
Yeah. Or like carbon dioxide output.
And if there's like an unhealthy level, I'm not sure. That's just me purely speculating.
Yeah. It's probably measuring something.
Yeah. Because I think when you go in to do the sleep study, you get all the electrodes, you get the nose thing.
They hook you up. Dang.
I really want to do one. We should do that.
I really want to do it. We like go to brunch and then go fall asleep.
I'd be so down. I sometimes I wake up like choking and I'm like, do I have sleep apnea? Yeah.
Choking on air? I think my tonsils. That's its own episode.
I mean, damn, what do you mean? I like feel like I stop breathing sometimes. Then I just like cough myself awake.
It's it's a really bad sleeper. Yeah, I am, too, because Jennifer Lopez, who is like fine, she's neutral.
I'm neutral, whatever about her, but no wrinkles. So it's like mummy sleep.
Yeah. And I put pillows on every side of me and then I just like, but I can understand, I guess, why you're something's happening.
Your tonsils are not. I need my tonsils out.
I've been trying. No one will do do it why it's because you don't need them out you just don't take tonsils out of a 30 year old woof i know sorry for you but i think she's got it started so yes moving along i want to know that what happens keep us posted yes you're a two hot takes listener this is coming from the subreddit so we need we need an update.
Keep us posted. Yes.
Yes. Okay, moving along.
Okay, so this next one is one day old coming from A.I.T.A.H. Titled, am I the asshole for telling my mom she married a little bitch after she complained about me marrying an accountant? I'm getting married in June to Kate, and I wasn't aware until recently that my

mom had a problem with her. I mean, they are very different.
Kate is quiet, reserved, practical,

and my mom lives in a fantasy world, but they seemed okay. For some context, my mom and I

aren't that close. I don't think she actually wanted to be a mother, so the relationship has

always felt fake. She is married to Ryan, who is a decent enough guy and treats her very well, but he seems to have some issues.
Bullet point number one. He is a big shot lawyer who never loses.
So one time he did lose a case. He punched a wall and then didn't speak all evening, wouldn't eat, etc.
He bought a microwave so he could heat up his own food and not have to go into the staff room at his office because he can't stand people saying hi to him. This is only after he stopped letting his assistant heat it up because my mom said she was probably touching it to gauge the temperature.
He almost never speaks to Kate or I and says he doesn't owe anyone words. He is a stage 12 clinger who has to have at least one hand on my mom at all times.
He was telling my mom how if she would just learn to golf, he could get rid of his friends and never have to speak to another person outside of work again. Last bullet point, he grew up poor and is now super annoying about his money.
I've never said anything because my mom clearly thinks the sun shines out of his ass. Anyways, my mom recently sat me down and said she is concerned about my future.
She said that Kate is, quote, nice enough, but so boring and has no hobbies or sense of humor. And she is worried I'm settling for dot dot dot.
She took a long, dramatic breath and then said an accountant. She said no one actually wants to marry an accountant.
I was pissed she was going after kate and said quote but you married a little bitch ryan was in the house and heard it he just made a face but my mom exploded and told me to get out and when i didn't move she shoved me she. She said I can, quote, get the fuck out

if I'm going to disrespect her husband like that.

And said the stuff she said about Kate wasn't that bad,

but I made it personal.

I guess I feel a little bad as I went for Ryan

when he wasn't doing anything.

She might not be coming to the wedding now.

Am I the asshole?

Oh, boy. Okay.
First of all, Ryan, I know he's not like the focus, but he seems like quite controlling. And I don't know that I would trust the mom's judgment necessarily with like my partner at all.
I mean, I would say that behind the scenes. I would feel bad if this guy heard it i think i would definitely that would be my like instinct thing to say probably too i almost feel like maybe this is not the right thing to say but like little bitch is not that bad compared to if he listed out all the things that were wrong with ryan yeah what if he heard that that's like cuts deep and is real, right? Like controlling, hotheaded, anti-personal.
Seems like he thinks he's above everyone. Like all of these.
Shit don't stink. Yeah.
Yeah. I'm really, really torn on this one personally because I get like the mom really opened up this conversation.
And so it's kind of one of those, like don't throw stones if you live in a glass house moments. But he did kind of like pop off in a sense where like you're kind of like being a little rude to someone who didn't really say anything or start anything with you.
And now you're just kind of like throwing a knife at him, especially when you can overhear it. The fiance doesn't sound like she was there.
So, you know, this is maybe just your mom trying to, you know, as good intentions as it might be, just look out for you, but it's coming across bad. So I'm trying to like be a little more open-minded on this one.
So I'm a little torn, but I don't necessarily think the biggest asshole because the mom kind of did open this up and like really kind of shit on his fiance. Yeah.
Like you're settling. No one wants to hear that.
I don't know. I feel like that is very open-minded of you to think that way.
I feel like he's like maybe an accidental asshole at best. Like I, you know, you're not that close to your mom.
She's opening up this conversation. It could have led further into attacking his fiance.
She's clearly showing that she doesn't approve of him or her, excuse me. And I don't know.
I just feel like you're in every right to probably he's been bottling up all these feelings about like his mom's partner and, you know, observing all this stuff. And he's not going out of his way to be like, hey, mom, why did your guy not trust the staff or want to say hi to them or whatever? That is true.
So, and I don't know, I think at the end of the day, like if your mom, not that I'm saying she's the asshole, but like she should come to your wedding if she cares about you. And if that comment is going to like be the deciding factor of attending your wedding to me, like she wasn't excited to come regardless.
That is kind of a weak disagreement. And I mean, she, in her right, she did defend her husband.
Yeah. She said, get the fuck out of my house if you're going to talk about him that way.
Yeah. I think that's fair.
I think that is within her right to do fair. And so the husband should be like, thanks, babe.
Love you, too. I think OP could apologize to Ryan.
Just like, hey, dude, you know, 100 percent. I I popped off a little bit.
I don't think you're a little bitch. But my mom, you know, you overheard.
It wasn't a fun conversation. Yeah.
And just smooth it over. I think at the end of the day, if he wants his mom at his wedding, he needs to be the one to initiate to both of them an apology because we know Ryan is not going to, as if I know Ryan, we know Ryan's not going to go and be like, babe, you should still go to your son's wedding.
Like, don't worry about that comment. He's probably going to be like, absolutely not.
Yeah. Or maybe not.
Yeah. Don't talk to any of these other people except for the two of us.
Let's go golfing together. But I think accidental asshole that should proactively do something and be the bigger person, like the adult in this situation.
We do have one term that we've used. It's not an official vote, but it's become a little common is justifiable asshole.
Oh, yeah. Justifiable asshole.
Like he might be still kind of, you know. Yeah.
It was like an asshole thing to say, but I don't think that this person like OP is not an asshole. Yeah.
From this story to me. Yeah.
We might have some people, you know, disagreeing with us though. Oh.
Top comment on this one. Roll the comments.
Not the asshole. But this post made me laugh.
Your mom and Ryan deserve each other. Next comment down.
It's like if Sammy and Ronnie from the Jersey Shore spewed all of their immature bile outward instead of at each other. I love that reference.
Ron, stop. Oh.
There's a new show coming out with them and I really want to get into it. What? With Jersey Shore? Yeah, they're all coming back.
What? Including Sammy? Yeah. You should just got married or engaged.
Yeah. Yeah.
They're all coming back. There's some stuff about those people.
MTV like still exists. There's still shows on there.
I feel like they're the saving grace. They're going to bring that network back.
Oh my God. Angelina.
Oh my God. There's another couple comments.
The parents are the living embodiment of every pot has its lid. Mom sounds like a jerk, but I got to say, I kind of respect Ryan's life goals.
He knows what he wants. Like, let's let's be real.
He's a go getter. Very clear on who he is and what he wants.
Yeah. A lot of not the assholes.
I'm curious if there is any. Yeah.
You're the asshole. My instinct was not the asshole.
I am not. I'm not finding one at all.
OP does respond to some comments. Someone goes, the only reason why mommy dearest likes the bitch is the size of his bank account.
I'm guessing I would stay away from the trash. People really big mad.
Yeah. Big mad.
Damn. Also, by the way, justice for accountants.
My mom is an accountant. My sister-in-law is an accountant.

And they're great people.

Justin's mom's an accountant too.

Justice for Justin's mom.

Like, I don't understand why an accountant is the boring job that you like.

I can't even get my head around how tough it would be.

I just like my brain trying to even do like help with my taxes.

Couldn't be me. Dude, no.

Nope.

Absolutely not. It's so hard.
It's so scary. It's overwhelming.
There's a lot of numbers. I don't do well with numbers.
Yeah. It's hard.
Accountants are really underappreciated. 100%.
Also in this tax season right now, like you're going to, if this is a today story. Tax season.
That's just crazy. Payment today.
Literally today. I know.
April 15th.th op responds she's a trust fund baby and probably makes more than him because she got her dad's company i think she's really in it for the constant weird stroking i'm sorry should we could you back it up who are Constant weird stroking Of the ego

What are we? What is the end of the sentence? That is the end. No.
Listen, I just have to say, I feel like the mom is a little whack-a-lack. Like, that's crazy that she's out here with this man.
She makes more money. And she's shitting on her son's accountant accountant fiance.
This just feels like a mess. It feels like I can understand why you're not that close to your mom.
Yeah. And maybe it's for the best question mark.
What are we stroking? I don't know. I don't know.
It's really interesting. OP does a choice.
He has a lot of comments. Basically talking about his his fiancee i love her my mom is a spoiled brat who lives this just jet-setting life and finds everything boring kate is kind mature intelligent i i think the mom like i don't know like have you ever had your your parents like you introduce them to a boyfriend and they're like we love you richa but are you okay i have actually never introduced my parents to a boyfriend i'm indian we don't unless it's like you're gonna get married to them you know that's not oh god i almost wish that was me because i've introduced my parents to some idiots like all of them i have met a lot of parents and i'm always like i don't have a future with your son son.
So like, I don't really know why I'm here, but like, thank you for the like barbecue.

I mean, you're getting good practice for when you do meet the parents of the one.

That's true. Would you ever do an arranged marriage? Because I feel like they're not as

like blind anymore. Like correct.
They're a little more. The auntie is texting your mom with like your picture being like, what do you think of this guy? Show Richa and my mom will not show me a picture of who the auntie is talking about, but she'll send my picture to like everyone she meets in life.
She'll like go to the grocery store and be like, this is a picture of my daughter, Richa. And I'm like, mom, first of all, you need to ask for a picture back.
Second of all, stop. Third of all.

You don't share the picture unless you know that they're good. You are not the homie.

Yeah.

I'm like, what?

You're not being a homie right now.

She's like, what?

I didn't think you'd want to know.

And I'm like, dude, we have so much to work on here.

But no, I don't think I would do an arranged marriage.

I have seen them go both ways.

I have aunts and uncles.

My aunt and uncle just celebrated like 45 years yesterday and they were arranged, but they're madly in love, like the perfect match. And nobody knows that.
That's so crazy. And then I have other people that are close in my life that like, they're just roommates or housemates or they're just like, you know, kind of stuck to an Indian community.
We don't like divorce rates are not high at all. It's kind of a taboo.
I think now, obviously, here, but in India, it's not really that common. And so you just kind of stuck with this person and whether you like it or not.
And it used to be very blind. You would meet once and then get married and get shipped off to America.
That's what happened to my parents. My mom chose my dad or said yes because she really liked his sister.
And I was like well that's a good sign and somebody else chose their husband because they liked his shoes that were sitting at the front like the house oh my gosh um it's not like that it wouldn't be like that for me yeah but I mean it's still like no it's just a thought that popped into my head I'm just like yeah I'm not anti again I've seen so much success it. I think it's very similar to like matchmaking matchmaking or like you're if you were to text me being like,

hey, Rich, like I found like I met a guy that I think would be really good for you. So it's not

so different. Like the original like arranged marriage was.
Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely evolved

in this room, meet once and then that's it. And now you're married.
I am. I was talking to, like a friend of mine that's single right now.
And I was like, obviously, it's not going to happen. But if I were to become single tomorrow, I would do a matchmaking service.
Yeah? 100%. I think it just would be.
Well, why do you have to be single to do? Oh, you would. You would.
I thought you meant you would. I was like trying to encourage them to do it so I could like live vicariously justiously just to like get the, like, I think it's such a fascinating process.
Yeah. And I think it would just be really interesting.
So it's like dating is hard. I'm like, if I were to be single ever again, I would try it.
Dang. Okay.
I'll keep that in mind. It's not part of my one year plan.
No. It's my, my work is My work is my relationship, which I'm sure you can imagine.

You're a busy gal. Thankfully, you have a Justin.
I do have a Justin. Shout out, Justin.

But I have, side note, sidebar there. I have had my mom basically kind of approach me about

someone I'm dating and be like, Morgan, you know, he's, he's not that great. Like, are you sure? And it just like, it was coming from a place, but like, she didn't like throw him, like, he's not funny.
You're selling. Yeah.
She didn't like do this character assassination. So now that I'm sitting here sitting here i'm kind of like maybe just like no assholes here like he was fair she kicked him out she you know yeah whatever like it is it just kind of is what it is yeah i think again like accidental or what did you say it was like the justifiable yeah justified i really think he just probably slipped up like little bitch or he's a bitch or whatever it is.
But I agree. Like there's a way to handle going up to somebody and saying, hey, honey, just want to check in and see how you're feeling about your fiance.
Like I've, you know, noticed and then kind of edge around it. Not to say that somebody should beat around the bush with something that serious, but like you want to avoid this.
Yeah. Lots of comments from OP.
To be fair, if I'd called her a bitch, he would have knocked me out. Last person who insulted her got thrown down the outside steps.
He was trying to get her away from me because she has anger issues. So it seems like a husband might've came in and like stepped in between them.
Yeah. And

people are just kind of asking about his relationship with his mom and like why she

was even inviting invited to the wedding in the first place because the relationship was never

awful. And usually it takes something horrible and drastic to ban your parents from your wedding.

She wasn't abusive. I actually think she tried her best, but was coerced into being a mother.

She's done nothing to make me want to hurt and humiliate her on that level. But if she chooses not to come, I won't really care.
Well, and there we have it. I feel like I feel like OP knows that he's not the asshole, but is kind of like, I don't know, maybe this is like a venting.
Yeah. Moment or maybe to show that it's justified that he's like, I don't really care anymore.
Yeah. I'm wondering if this is a bit of projection from the mom in a way too, because OP shares, she actually left my kind, funny, easygoing father for Ryan because it was love at first sight no one could understand huh so she kind of went from like a kate like kind nice easygoing chill to ryan just hot-headed extreme kind of like very out there and maybe like she's trying to like project that onto her son a little bit and be like

almost implying like his dad was her settling. I'm wondering if there's like a little bit.

Why are you choosing this like boring like whatever. Some people need that.
Some people

need that level of like hot-headed whatever. It's almost like you're looking for the drama

like you want the challenge in life but like do you really want that in your partner?

I don't know. It sounds like a lot to me.
Sounds like a hell of a lot. There are no official updates from OP, but let's keep our eyes out for one because I really want to know how this one goes.
I want to know if she ends up coming to the wedding or not. Like, will she back up, like backpedal and say, you know what? Nevermind.
I'll come. I don't think, I think she, I don't know.
I could see her asking for an apology, but I could also see her just like not bringing it up again and going to the wedding because of like almost that like saving face. Like you don't want like people to like think you look bad or like you know what I mean it's like more about other people's thoughts about her yeah she's got to uphold that image you don't want the internet knowing that you didn't show up to your son's wedding no because of that I feel like that's just not that maybe it was a huge blow up and we're not we don't know all the details obviously she kicked him out but like again why you don't go to your son's wedding little bitch at least you I didn't marry a little bitch I feel like that's like it's not that bad it's just not that it's kind of funny I mean it's not but but it's kind of funny yeah does your vote change are you like not the asshole are you still I just don't feel like he's the asshole again I think it was like a slip-up moment I don't think it was from what I'm hearing like I think he was going to talk to his mom to be like yeah you're dating a little bitch I think it was just a response to her digging yeah in a negative way and him almost wanting to defend and maybe his defense for his fiance ended up accidentally like you know I'm with you I think off to I think my vote changed a little bit.
I think I'm not the asshole. You know, she, she kind of messed with the bulls there and he gave her the horns.
Yeah. A hundred percent.
Wow. Okay.
Right there in the eyes, huh? Moving along. This one is not as fresh for us.
Okay. It is a month old coming from Am I the Asshole titled Am I the Asshole for Not Letting My Toxic Sister-in-Law Have My Mother's Dress.
Okay. All right.
Excuse my language. English is not my first language.
So for some context, I, 25 female, married my husband, 27 male, after being together for almost 10 years.

We've now been married for three years. Everyone from my side of the family was so happy for our relationship and was on board with our marriage.
But my husband's side of the family didn't like

our relationship, and my mother-in-law wanted my husband to get married to another woman.

My husband has a

brother and a sister, and he has a strained relationship with everyone in their family. My father-in-law, the sole decision maker in their house, wanted this marriage as it would be an advantage for his business with my brother.
My brother has a very successful business, and my father-in-law needed a business contract from him. And so he reluctantly agreed to our marriage.
I live in India, so it's very common to live as a joint family, but we wanted privacy and decided to live on our own. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law constantly try to create problems between me and my husband.
They often come to our house and find faults with my way of running a family. So this one time they came over to our house and they were super nice to me.
We had our lunch and after my mother-in-law demanded that I give my mother's red sari, it's an Indian garment, to my sister-in-law along with a jewelry that my dad himself made for my mother. That piece of clothing and jewelry has a very sentimental meaning to me.
Dad and mom are no longer with us. Even I don't wear it, unless it's to a very, very important event.
The last time I wore it, it was to my wedding. I told them very nicely that I won't be able to give her the sari as it's very important to me.
Now, my mother-in-law is calling me selfish for not sharing the sari with my sister-in-law as it's very common to share clothing and jewelry. I told them that I'm willing to share any other clothing and jewelry, but not this one.
But they only want this sorry. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law went on and on about how I haven't adopted to their family traditions and haven't taken their family name and stuff.
My husband is on my side, and he has also explained to them how important this is to me, but they accused me of changing their son and being the reason that he doesn't love them anymore. He asked them politely to leave our house and not to cause any more problems.
They say I'm causing a big fuss over a sari, but it's not just a sari or a piece of jewelry to me. Am I the asshole for not giving them this sari? No.
Oh my gosh. My heart is pounding for this girl.
There's so many layers to this, but no, you're not the asshole. It seems like the sorry is just a gateway to a ton of other issues that is, you know, there's like a million layers, but I don't know.
Like this is very, I'm generalizing here for sure, but it's very common for like mama's boys in India and like mother-in-law issues. It's everywhere, I'm sure, across the world.
But in India, there's a lot of like kind of mother-in-law horror stories that happen with brides. And it's heartbreaking.
So many people. I couldn't name one family that doesn't have a situation like that to some degree of mother-in-law doesn't like bride, mama's boy, whatever.
I'm not saying this guy's mama's boy. I don't know.
But before you even said the word India, I was like, this feels like more people. I'm sure.
I was like, oh, maybe it's somewhere else. Nope.
They're Indian. Gosh, no, she's definitely not the asshole.
Like I have saris from my nani, which is my grandma, from my mom's wedding too, that are so sentimental. And I don't even touch them either.
It's just like you have that artifact or that thing from your family member and you, it's so sentimental and there's so much value. And I would only ever wear it to my wedding too.
So no, like, of course not. And I think that they should understand that if they're, you know, wanting to connect with her at all and understand the, how emotional, like the emotional ties she has to this garment.
Also in India, do you know how much fabric there is available every and every, you could remake that sari. You could go buy the same sari at the same like if it's an older one you can get it remade very similar like why do they have to have that one i think they're fixating on something to to try and turn the scent against them and it's not helping the mom's case and the sister's case that he's backing his wife which is so refreshing to see because i know a lot of men in my my experience don't.
They'll just like cower to the mom because they're used to it and leave the wife hanging. So good on him for supporting his wife.
I know. I really, really enjoy this.
Like him setting boundaries and being like, this is important to her. Like just understand, like he's really going to bat and advocating for her her it is interesting that like she is being like very open and like any other piece of clothing any other jewelry but not this yeah and it's it's interesting that they went and are almost going after this these two pieces because of the significant value it almost feels like it's some sort of like power struggle to like, we're going to take this, we're going to use this and you're going to like it.
Yeah. And I'm really glad she did say no and, you know, was able to hold on to that and not fall into the people pleasing or trying to like not rock the boat because it's easy to do that.
It's easy to just be like, okay, yeah. And then, you know, worst case, something terrible happens to this.
Sorry. They never, she never gets it back or it gets spilled on.
It gets torn. It gets ruined.
Like I said ruined, right? Oh my God. What do you normally say? I say ruined normally.
Okay. I've heard you say ruined before.
I don't know how that just happened. I like to just, you know, pretend it doesn't happen.
Yeah. But it's just like, it's just so odd.
And it's like, you're trying to mend this relationship because it is strained and yet you're not respecting her and you're not willing to like value. Like, it's so crazy.
It's like her parents are gone. I know.
This is like maybe one of the only things she has. But I'm not even surprised at all about this story.
Like I think they're testing her to see if she'll budge for the sake of like the larger family. And I mean for context, obviously she said this too in her story.
But it is super uncommon. Maybe now it's starting to happen a little bit more, but it's very uncommon for families to live apart.
Everybody lives, aunts and uncles too, but like everybody lives in the same household. That's how my families grew up too.
Grandparents, your siblings, aunts, uncles, however many people can fit. Like it's just always like land disputes and stuff in Indian families that end up happening because they all live together.
I know inheritance would be like really interesting to like, I think there's so many comments and captions with like Indians and it's like, Oh, just another land dispute in my Indian family, like my big old. So there's already probably a power shift there between the parents who've been controlling their choices all their lives.
And now all of a sudden, your son could have been the one to be like, I don't want to live with my parents anymore. But they're going to blame the daughter because, of course, she's the new person in their life.
She's easy. And so I feel like the parents are probably just trying to test with the thing that they know.
Or like the mom, I guess, is not the parents. But the thing that they know is something she's mom I guess is not the parents but the thing that

they know is is something they're not she's not going to be willing to give up and yes like we share lingas and saris and stuff like that but regardless if it was your mom's or your your grandma's or whoever's like if it was your wedding one that's like not I don't know maybe maybe I'm off here. But like, for me, I would not necessarily for somebody that I don't know, maybe, maybe I'm off here, but like for me, I would not necessarily for somebody that I don't like think is, has my best interest at heart.
I'm not going to give you my wedding outfit, especially if it's from somebody else in my family that I'm like no longer have. I'd frame that.
I would frame that. Sorry.
Like I would too. I'd be in a box.
Yeah. It's also one of those things too.
It's like, well, maybe she now wants to preserve it for her daughter or, you know, her kid, her child. Yeah.
I, you said something and it just like, like turned a thought in my head. Maybe the reason they asked for that sari and jewelry is because she knew, like they knew she would say no.
Yeah. And then it's all the more reason to be like, well, she's not being a family member and she doesn't like us.
It's like, it's just the perfect ammo. Yeah, what is it? It's like they're fishing.
Like they're fishing for her to finally do something that's against them to tell the son, like, look at what you're, like she's not even giving your sister her outfit. Like it's not even a big deal type of thing.
And I just, I'm so

thankful that he's defending his wife in the situation because again, I really don't think that's that common. A lot of people, when your mom is upset in our community, it's like, you know, yes, you can defend her or you can just be neutral for the sake of like keeping the family at peace.
So it's really nice to hear that. But poor girl, she's probably like, did I make now like there's a strain here but I mean I hope she knows that she absolutely did I would not no she's not the asshole not the asshole at all oh sweet angel there's a lot of comments from OP a lot okay um just basically people are coming out in support, not the asshole.
And she just is kind of saying, thank you so much. It means a lot.
I really needed this. The support and warmth I'm getting, I have no words to express them.
Because how hard would that be? Like the only, like her husband's on her side, but like you're getting like bombarded by every angle that you're terrible, that you're not being a good family member, that you're not, you know, working yourself into their traditions. And it's like, oh, that just like, you said it's like, she doesn't have a family, right? Like they passed.
Yeah. So it's not like she, I mean, I get why she's going to the void of the internet to like find some comfort because obviously her husband gave her comfort, but you can only like vent to him so much about his own family.
That's a really awkward position to be in too. Did anyone say she was the asshole? Not that I'm seen.
Okay, good. Not that I'm seen.
No, and let's read the top comment on this before we get into any more of her comments. Top comment has since been deleted, but the one next up is it's a power trip.
They know it's sentimental and it's a weird manipulative way of winning if you do hand it over. It's like a test.
They want to know that you will bend over if pushed to a certain extent. Don't ever give it to them because they will disrespect it and use it as a way to teach you a lesson.

Yeah. They're testing her.
I would be terrified of like lending something of that significant value and sentimental value. Like I'm, I'm scared lending people stuff that like I, it's not even that old or meaningful, but like, I know I can't get replaced.
Like, Yeah.

Oh, it's just so painful losing stuff that means a lot to you.

Yeah.

She's just like make a dupe version of it. She should.
As if she has all this free time, but she should make a dupe and like give it to them. Go to a seamstress.
Yeah. I actually love that idea because I wonder if she would even wear it.
Yeah. I wonder.
Test her back. Test her back.
This is like negative meets negative, but like. I kind of like it though.
I kind of love it actually. Like see if it comes back torn or she spills on it or she even wears it.
Yeah. She'll probably notice and be like, girl.
But I mean, again, this is India. Do you know how much shit gets made in India? Like every block is like Master G, the tailor.
Like's just you can get something very similar.

I want her to do it.

They're baiting her.

They are.

So bite.

So next comment down after that.

Plus, it's unlikely that you would get the sari or jewelry back.

OP responds, exactly how I feel.

I was initially ready to do anything for having a good relationship with them.

But after some while, I just understood it's not worth my time. 100%.
Oh, girl, I'll be your family. We don't need them.
Yeah. It's too much negativity.
Well, and so someone does pick up on what you were saying is this red sorry is the excuse they want to find for convincing everyone, your husband included, that you are a bad person and a bad wife. Where's your husband in all of this? You need to have him by your side.
And by the way, feed in your brother with this nonsense. It seems father-in-law depends on your brother's contract.
You need to solidify your position in this absurd situation. Your husband and your brother need to have your back, not the asshole.
OP responds, absolutely. My husband sees through his mom and sister's act.
He is always by my side, but I feel I shouldn't include my brother in this, though he would 100% have my back. Yeah.
Interesting. What are your thoughts on that? Would you kind of let your brother know? Would you just be like, I mean, it's your sibling.
Like I'm close with my siblings. I guess it depends.
I'm close with my brother too, but my brother could like pop off on somebody a little bit. So I feel like I would have to tell him, I tell him like bad things after they happen sometimes because I'm like, just so you know, it's all calm now, but this is what was happening.
If I need like the comfort part of it, I love my brother, but he's a little bit reactive. He's not going to like go crazy or anything, but he will maybe say something if the opportunity arises and it's fresh.
And the business thing is such a classic Indian handshake agreement. This is now your daughter because we have to do business together.
Isn't that crazy? It's almost like a... Oh, what did they call it? It's like a...
Not an offering. Yeah, they deliver the bride with a cow.
Like dowry? Dowry. It almost feels like a sense oh what did they call it it's like a not an offering like yeah they deliver the bride with a cow dowry it almost feels like a sense of dowry yeah yeah in a way i mean this is not just an indian thing though that's like it happens the royals across europe like they're marrying into each other like the princess of greece i mean yeah and like spain get married because there's like trade that's happening between two countries right yeah it's going on forever.
I mean, even like, you know, if you look at some of America's like prominent families, like, I don't know, you could say Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner. Ivanka, right? Yeah.
I'm like, there's so many Ivanka, Ivanka, whatever. Like those two that could have been a very business forward wedding.
You know, it's I think it still happens more than we think. Yeah.
Especially in like very prominent. Some of that older.
The Peltz family. Not that she married the Beckham's for like a business perspective, but she could have probably her dad probably.
I know. Could have been like, all right, Nicola, here's a businessman's son.
But it seems like she married for love. I would marry into the Beckham family too.
Very much for love. They're really cute.
So cute. I got really into the Beckhams with that documentary.
I like didn't really know about them. And then watching the dance scene.
So cute. Iconic.
Also, whenever they tag or like post on Instagram and they tag every single child and hashtag Harper or whatever, because she didn't have an Instagram because she a baby or a child. But I just love that they're like so family unit.
It's so cute. I just want to go out to their little farm, play soccer on the kitch.
Okay, but back to, you know. Yes, there is one other comment that I'm seeing that OP kind of shares some more context.
So the most important duty of a son in India is his duty towards his mother to live with them and render them services. It is frowned upon if the son cuts off their parents and failing his duties.
And my husband's side of the family wants to maintain this perfect social image. So I doubt they would even let us be.
They would obviously want us in their family events and all. I think someone was recommending like cut them off.
No, we can't do that. That's not an option.
No, not a thing. I didn't even really understand the concept of cutting people off until somebody I know was suggesting cutting their parents off.
And I was like, financially, I didn't understand. Seriously, that's just not a thing.
But Indian communities, when you get married in India, you're not just marrying that person. It's not just you and Justin.
The family is marrying the other family. We have traditions.
We have something called the Bharat where the groom and the groom side all dance up towards where the mandap is, where the wedding is going to happen and then the bride will come down the aisle and do the whole thing which by the way is the best part of the wedding it's like just a giant dance party where you're walking he might be on a horse or an elephant or whatever something um and at the end of that the families are greeting each other and it's like your uncle and his uncle your aunt and his his aunt her, his aunt, your mom and his mom, like the brothers, like the whole family's involved, which is all to say like the image of the family and the community and everything is such a crucial part of being Indian and like the identity of the Indian community. And so I understand the like heaviness of not wanting to weigh on that.
And definitely can't cut them off. Or it's not done.
Now, of course, they could be the first and then generations after would not feel that pressure. But like who wants to, you could be a trailblazer, but like that's your son's family.
That's not yours. So it's tough to recommend that.
And you live in the same area. Like I don't know, there's too many layers.
At least they live on their own. Like, at least they have that degree of separation, which is really nice.
And then I have to say, I guarantee that that's also strain already. Oh, yeah.
That the mom is hearing from her auntie friends that she goes to like kiddie parties with every Wednesday, like first Wednesday of the month. She's having tea and they're probably all like talking about how her son does.
I guarantee that's a topic of conversation. I could, I could totally see it.
And especially maybe even behind her back, which is like, then she knows. And it's like, you could be on a 360 rotating machine, whether it's behind your back, in front of your back, people are going to talk.
They are. So there is one last comment from OP that I'll read.
And it's just like, I think the support from the community is really making her feel more confident in herself, her decision. But she goes on to say, it's a two-way street.
If they aren't going to respect me and treat me the way I deserve, I'm not going to put up with it. Things change.
We can't endure abuse in the name of culture, though it's very sad most of the women of older generations, even this generation, go through this. I'm grateful that I have a husband and brother who support me and my ability to lead a perfectly good life even without them.
But I can't say this about all women. 100%.
I feel like there's now starting to become people who break the norm and in the name of

culture, they're like pushing it aside and it's, you know, I'm going to do what's right for me.

I want to like talk to this girl directly and get to know her.

You can give her a message.

Oh my God. Can I do that?

You can message her.

Oh my God. I love you.
I support you.

Can you imagine if you met like one of your new besties from me reading you a reddit story oh my god she could be my friend except for i think she does she live in india yeah i go there every year see you there see you in november let's grab some tea oh my god let's do something yeah yeah oh can you imagine that'd be nuts dude i would go up to the mother-in-law and be like, what are you doing to my friend? Just kidding. Sorry, auntie.
I'm acting like, oh, I would do this and this, but no, I wouldn't. I would cower.
Rich as all bark, no bite. No, I'm literally all bark, no bite.
You're all bark. Unless it's like I'm getting yelled at on the street, and then I'll turn around and yell and regret it immediately.
But with an auntie, there's no one scarier than an Indian auntie. There's just no one scarier.
I feel like you put me in front of a million CEOs and I wouldn't give two shits. The pop-off would be lethal.
But the Indian auntie, they don't play. See, they're, they're, they're baiting.
They're like doing this shit. It's's a dangerous world it's a dangerous game to play

it is you know what else is a dangerous game to play this next one oh god all right this is two hours old oh two hours fresh old it is coming from relationship advice It is titled, Two Coworkers, 25 Female and 35 Male, Are Having an Affair. How Can I Inform the Wife? I, 25 Female, work as a receptionist.
Four months ago, I made the stupid decision to recommend my now former best friend, Jane, 25 Female, for an open position after someone had left. It's a prestigious hotel, so they are very selective about their hiring process.
Jane had little to no experience, so I took a risk by vouching for her. Looking back, it was dumb, but I knew she was a hard worker and I could have never guessed what was to come.
I trained her during her first month and she picked things up quickly. After that, we began working separate shifts.
It was around this time that I started noticing a weird dynamic between her and John, 35 male, our chief receptionist. One night when I arrived for my shift, I found them acting all giggly, and their body language just seemed off.
They didn't notice me at first, but when they did, they tried a little too much to act cool, which raised some red flags. There have been too many similar situations over the months, but I tried to just deny it.
John just had a baby, and his wife comes in at least four to five times a week, sometimes with the baby too. Jane sees this as well and I just couldn't think she would do something like that.
But the awkward tension, quick glances, and giggles just wouldn't quit. So I brought it up two weeks ago when we were out for drinks.
I was floored by her response. She confessed in a playful manner, almost like sharing a dirty secret.
She said they couldn't keep their hands off each other and that she had wanted to spill the tea but didn't want to involve me in their drama. When I brought up his wife and their newborn child, she said that she didn't care.
Apparently, John told her they had been sleeping in separate beds and his wife stopped caring about the marriage after the pregnancy and some other bullshit like that. I was disgusted and we had a major fight.
She stormed off and cut all contact with me. Since then, going to work has been hell.
John is in charge of our shifts and ever since our fight, he's been giving me the worst shifts and making sure we're not scheduled together. I've considered telling the wife since day one, but I don't have any proof.
Same with our manager and HR. I texted Jane saying, quote, tell your boyfriend to stop giving me the worst shifts, hoping for a response that could serve as evidence.
But she didn't reply. One week ago, someone got sick and I had to work with the two evil fucks.
Close to our lunch break, John's wife came in to bring him lunch. She looked tired as hell too, and my heart broke for her.
Then I noticed something on John's wrist. He had Jane's scrunchie on his wrist.
He also has long hair, but I know for a fact it's hers. He held and kissed the baby with the fucking scrunchie on his wrist.
I legitimately thought I was going to throw up. I had a panic attack, I think, at the smoking area.
I was crying and couldn't breathe. I come from a divorced family because of my father's infidelity, so this hits too close to home.
I'm losing sleep. Please tell me what I should do in this situation.
Should I send the wife an anonymous message? I only have her Instagram. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
Oh my God. First of all, I'm, I love workplace tea, but not when you're the one that's like directly involved.
That's like, no. Oh my God.
I feel like you could go to HR automatically. You guys work at a hotel.
He's married with a wife and baby at home. there's gonna be some proof on camera at the hotel yeah like they're not behaving totally at work like there's no way yeah okay okay okay okay so this is taking me to a story that I heard my allegedly yeah yeah yeah allegedly riches like Kevin Bacon circle like whatever okay degrees of separation oh my god i'm ready um rich's degrees of separation this is a couple degrees separated from me and there was an affair at an office and they were caught through the cameras at work the elevator cameras yes and i feel like that's thing.
It's got to be. It's not like even really that.
There's cameras everywhere now. Everywhere.
Parking garages. They're on camera somewhere.
But especially a hotel. You're right.
So. They're probably taking rooms and going and fucking in the rooms.
I know. Well, that was my first thought too.
It was, of course they got closer. They've got a lot of access.
They've got a lot of time on their hands. I wonder if their HR, I mean, some of my closest friends are in HR, so no shade to HR, but I do think sometimes like the HR is there to protect the employer, not the employee.
And so there's been stuff that's happened to me at work where I'm like, do I go to HR and report this? Do I not? And I haven't because I'm like scared or maybe she doesn't want to get worse, even worse shifts or something like that. Right.
Like, is it going to come back to bite you because you already confronted the girl and now you're taking a step further? So I don't know. I feel like, I mean, I've never been in this situation before, so I don't know what I would do, but clearly this is eating op up inside yeah and so it's like at this point I feel like do you do you just tell the I don't know is that your I don't know what somebody's place even means in the situation like is that your place is that not your place I mean I don't know I would want to know yeah like if I was the wife this, I would definitely want to know.
Yeah. I also feel like even like recognizing that HR is there to protect the company.
I think she could have a case to be made about retaliation from him and him creating a hostile work environment because she found out about his affair. Yeah.
And the proof would be the schedules. Here's my schedules from the previous six months.
Look at my schedules. Now I arguably have the worst shifts because I found out about their affair.
Yeah. You know, I, I don't feel comfortable approaching him because of this.
And like, I don't, you know, if I have an unsafe work environment, you know, this could be a retaliation lawsuit. Like she could get a lawyer and maybe that's the advice before you go to HR, talk to a lawyer.
Yeah. Because they give consultations for free and see what they say.
Yeah. Dang.
I mean, and then also run it back, run the cameras back. Yeah.
Like tell, and if the cameras aren't working, then turn that shit on because they're going to keep on, you know, doing their thing for a little bit probably out in the open so you

can catch them.

They're going to get brazen.

Yeah.

They're going to get confident and they're going to get caught on something.

100%, especially if they're doing the same shifts and God knows what else.

Yeah.

But I feel like for the OP, clearly it's eating them away inside.

Like what the heck do I do in a situation?

Thank you. knows what else.
But I feel like for the OP, clearly it's eating them away inside. Like, what the heck do I do in a situation? Again, I've never been in this situation, but I feel like the wife has a right to know.
Now, does that have to come from you or is it going to come from one of them? Probably not one of them. No.
Is this going to make you feel better to tell them? I know that's like a selfish way of looking at it, but I think it would make me feel better. It would make me, I think I would say something too, but I would be like in the group chat, like sending 17 versions of the text to make sure that it's like soft, but also not like soft and direct, but also firm, but also I'm here if you need me, but please don't me this is just information so ask your man I wonder like I think if it were me I'd create a finsta like I'd create a fake Instagram account because that's all she has is like the wife's Instagram account and I'd like create a fake one to then message her and be like hey hey girl like oh just you know that what that feels like getting one of those hey girls yeah and just like, Hey, Hey girl.
Like, Oh, just, you know, that what that feels like getting one of those, Hey girls. Yeah.
And just like, you can just feel the pit fall to your stomach, your stomach. Like it's almost like your stomach falls through your ass.
Like you're just like, Oh, but it's like, he's not going to tell her. And your friend doesn't give two flying fucks.
No. And she deserves to know.

Especially a new baby at home.

She's probably working her ass off.

And also, if they're real,

first of all, sleeping in separate beds.

Go back to the first story.

But it's like,

if they're sleeping in separate beds,

like, there's no proof.

It seems like this guy is just doing it,

like, saying whatever.

Yeah.

Just like there's no proof of the affair yet.

There's no proof of him not being,

you know, strong with his wife. And then she's coming and dropping off food for you at work so clearly there's like she just had a newborn baby and she's gonna come out of her way to give you food sir a saint while you cheat on her i don't know a saint we should yeah i think i think my i'm team tell her yeah now how you do that maybe it, maybe it's a Finsta.
Yeah. I suppose.
I feel like unless you can get her email somehow, like creating a fake email address is easier. Because you're saying you don't want it to track back to her and then have there be more retaliation to her.
That's what I'd be scared about. Yeah.
Because he's already fucking with her. Yeah.
Top comment. Contact the wife.
But start looking for a new job, too. Yes Yes The fact that you're being bullied for their bullshit is off the wall I think if you can Try to find a new job do it But like in this economy Like she's not at fault here.
She shouldn't be I know punished But she's not being punished. That's like you removing yourself actively from the situation.
That's true. That's a better way to look at it.
Even if he left the company, your friend's still there. Are they really both going to leave because of the situation? Probably not.
And so for your own mental health, I would rather remove myself from the situation. Control what you can control and everything else.
I can't. I can't control them telling her.
I can only control me telling her. I can't control if they're going to leave the company or continue to like hate on me.
Yeah. But I can control.
I would want to work in a place where I don't have to deal with that shit anymore. I think here would be my order of events.
Contact a lawyer. Okay.
See what the lawyer says and gives you recommendations. Go based on that.
You go to hr or you find a new job if the route is find a new job before you leave and give your two weeks or as you give your two weeks to hr i would make sure hr knows that those two are having an affair and then you go about your merry way at your new job or lawyer says let's go to HR let's talk to them together you could have a retaliation case if they don't treat you right then maybe they're gone and you get to keep your job but I think first step like I'd get some consultations even if you go to like legal advice on Reddit like they're lawyers not your lawyers but they can give you a little bit more of a starting ground on, yeah, you do have a case.

Go talk to someone.

Yeah.

I wonder how big the hotel chain is because like. Prestigious hotel? Yeah.
It does seem like if it's one of the big ones, it could take a long time. That would be the only thing.
It's like, yeah, do you want to go through all the rounds of how many HR people in the investigation and the X, Y, and Z if they're already so like mentally anguished from the situation? I would do it, but I would probably also start- Protecting your peace a little more. Yeah.
Like sharpening my resume a bit. Yeah.
Which is just as annoying of a process, by the way. Like that's a full-time job in and of itself is finding a new job.
I know. Well, and then what if OP can't find a new job? I know.
Like the reality is so many people are struggling right now to get employment and like housing crisis, inflation, like cost of living. It's just like, like this might be her only option right now.
And then it's, it's, if that's the case, like, let what the lawyer says. Yeah, that's true.
But I'm

all for like, try. Try.
Like, if you can't get a job, then you know your answer. Yeah.
I couldn't leave. So now I'm stuck here and here's my order of events from there, the order of operations.
Yeah. But I'm going to try because I need to protect me.
I know. Oh, man, we have no comments from OP.
No updates. So let's keep an eye out for an update on this one okay because it is i mean it's so fresh um the next comment down after contact the wife but start looking for a new job they say absolutely this op to build the bullying case save down and record all of your shifts before you found out the affair and after you found out i did not read these comments i was gonna say damn did you come with these comments no keep a record of your conversations with your colleague slash ap save down or screenshot the calendar invite of when you met with the colleague and when she confessed any receipt for the drinks or transfers showing you were with her and she met with you when she confessed would be gold historical conversations also setting up the drinks and the sudden decline in your messages with her would help build circumstantial evidence smart someone goes maybe see if the bar has cctv footage from that day next person down this is called retaliation you should contact hr dang But I don't, again, HR sometimes can screw you over.

I would go to a lawyer first and foremost.

Yeah.

Consultations are free for a lot of them.

Yeah.

Get that free consultation.

Get it.

Know what you're working with.

Yeah.

Dang.

No, no, no.

I don't like that.

Also, not good friend.

I get scared to recommend people.

Not because of that.

I don't think it's going to go that far.

But this OP is never going to recommend somebody again.

No, it's hard. And like I'm going through this like I have a really good CPA.
But like it's hard. Like even if you like someone, you're like, I don't want to recommend you someone and then like you have a bad experience or like, yes, like I make you a recommendation and then like maybe you're a terrible client and then like I just like it's just one of those things like sometimes it's better to not shit where you eat and just keep it all kosher unless it's like somebody who truly would crush it at this company and like it would be mutually beneficial by vice versa then like you're saying like it's really hard to get right now.
Who am I to stop somebody from getting one? But also there's a lot of layers that like at my old job, I would get hit up several times a week, a week for jobs. And I mean, half the time I was like, I, I can't recommend you even if I wanted to, but you got to be really careful with it.
That's so crazy. And so obviously looking back, OP is like, I wouldn't have actually recommended her.

No, but at the time it's like, this was her best friend.

Damn.

Losing a friend over this is like so heartbreaking too.

I'm using this water bottle as my stress.

Your emotional support.

My stress. Your squeezy.

Squeezy.

Yeah.

That's smart.

It's the best flavor I've ever had. Is it?'s new baby i'm so obsessed i just tried a watermelon popsicle the other day it's like this organic like little brand johnny pop or something watermelon i'm big into the watermelon flavors wow okay i love um i made lemon perfect into with like fresh fruit and the flavors into popsicles.

We were in Miami a few months ago, and they were such a hit.

It's easy, clean.

I'm going to do that.

But watermelon is definitely a favorite.

Coconut is new, too.

You're just crushing it, Richa.

Did you airdrop?

Did you drop a pin on your skin to get the color code for that?

Correct.

This is my exact shade, as you can see. It is pretty close.
That's crazy. What do you mean? The lighter ombre.
Oh, I'm looking at the top. This is like shade matching.
This is why I don't shop at Sephora. I don't know what I'm doing.
Okay, moving along. Okay.
This next one is 10 hours old. It's titled, Would I be the asshole if i told my younger sister's fiance that she lied about my older sister when they met okay so to set the scene here we have my older sister k female 32 my younger sister j female 28 my younger sister's fiance Matt, male 32.
Kay and Matt met at work about two and a half, three years ago. He was hired in as a consultant at her company on a few months assignment.
They became close, but nothing happened because they probably didn't think it was professional. I think both, or I know that my sister at least, was hoping that it would develop to something more when his assignment was completed.
Kay is a very shy and private person, but even with that, she couldn't stop talking about Matt to both Jay and me. When she turned 30, we encouraged her to invite him to her birthday with the rest of her close friends from work.
She was very hesitant and panicked at first, but then she thought, yeah, why not? His assignment was almost done anyways. Matt and Jay, my younger sister, met at that party.
Six months later, Jay told us that she and Matt are a couple. This devastated Kay, and I knew that, even though she held herself together and pretended to be happy for them.
I almost made her confess her heartbreak to me because I just couldn't let her hurt alone without any support. She said that she wasn't angry or disappointed, that after her birthday, he changed towards her, and he was even a bit angry.
Then when he left, he stopped talking to her. Kay said that she probably misinterpreted his interest in her.
I know that she is still heartbroken about it. Matt was assigned with her company some more times again, and it was awkward at first, but eventually they were friends again.
Now he's a part of the family. Kay never showed that she's hurt though.
Now I found out that Jay told Matt that Kay had a boyfriend at that birthday party. Matt is very handsome and lovely and Jay basically wanted him.
Matt was shocked at first because he was hoping for something more, but he probably just thought that he too had misinterpreted Kay's interest in him. He is very shy too.
After the party, he probably decided to cut his losses and not pursue Kay. Jay, however, kept contacting him, asking him out, being supportive.
At first, he refused, but then they started dating. How do I know all of this? Jay's roommate spilled the beans to me, thinking I already knew everything.
I am closer to Jay than my older sister Kay. Matt has now proposed to Jay.
I feel sick because I want to tell Matt what happened, so he makes an informed decision. Marriage is not a game.
At the same time, he and Jay seem to be perfect for each other, and the love is genuine.

Maybe he was interested in Kay initially, yes, but obviously it wasn't that deep?

Also, Kay? I want to tell her, but she seems okay with the relationship now too.

She made it clear that Matt and Jay obviously are meant to be, or it wouldn't have happened,

but I want to tell. Would I be the asshole if I told everyone what happened? This is like reminding me of Hitch.
Do you remember that movie? Yes. And Allegra, I think is her name.
Allegra Cole. Allegra Cole.
Albert Brenneman. Yes.
Okay. They get matched up or whatever, like organically, but not really organically.
Hitch behind the scenes. Yeah.
Hitch behind the scenes. And then they break up and it's devastating.
But then they get back together because they're meant to be. I feel like Jay and Matt are a good match in the end.
They met in a way that was a little bit calculated maybe on one person's party, like by one party. But I wouldn't tell.
Like everybody's at peace now with their choices in life. It's been time.
You're going to put two sisters against each other. Matt's get like the mess, the mess.
I don't know. It's going to be a mess.
It's going to be a mess. Like, do you really want to do that? And you're about to like ruin a relationship.
Kay is over it now. Is she though? I guess maybe that's where I would start would you what would you do walk me through your order the order of operations i have a really hard time with secrets oh and i'm good at secrets and i just like i feel bad because like they could have been each other's perfect match and then literally this little asshole of a little sister comes in and sabotages and lies to him like but they could have been but like they also had an opportunity clearly they both were shy and they both were like edging like maybe it would have never gone anywhere but maybe that night he was gonna do it i know maybe that night and then this little fucker comes in she has a boyfriend you know she doesn't have a boyfriend bitch come on but okay but here's the thing the end result i don't think there's a high probability that if op goes and tells family that this is happening it's not like k and matt are gonna run off into the sunset now.
Like that's tainted. What if they did though? There's a very low probability that that's going to happen.
Richa, we have a lot of stories on this show. Where that happens? Where siblings will date their other siblings' ex.
Y'all are bold. Even after one sibling has kids.
so you know i i think i'm just such a hopeless romantic and i i really do believe in soulmates oh no see and so i'm like is it your soulmate if you had to lie and manipulate to get him oh but i do see where you're coming from i don't okay i don't believe their family apart i don't not believe soulmates. I don't really think about it that much, I guess.
But like, I believe daily. Do you feel you found your soulmate? Yeah.
Oh, cute. But he doesn't believe in soulmates.
So I don't know. Oh, see, like, I don't believe there's just one person for everybody.
I think you can make it work with a lot of people. That's just my perspective on it.
And I feel like he's making it work with Jay and they're clearly revving up to get married. So obviously, hopefully there's a lot of similarities to be able to have a really strong life together.
And yes, there was some hitching going on in the beginning and like kind of fuck you, Jay, for doing that to Kay. But again, I don't know that it would have happened with Kay and Matt.
Seems like they both were just like at the eighth grade dance waiting for the other to make the move. But they're both sitting on the sidelines.
I think this is a great like if you take away anything from this, if you have a crush on someone, if you are unless they're married. Unless they're married.
We got to back it up because the last story. Yeah yeah but if you have a crush on someone and they're single and you're just kind of like are they into me are they not into me shoot your shot shoot your shot there's not like what are you gonna do what do you have to lose them great you weren't going to either way then yeah yes i don't understand i always shoot my shot that's not true i just lied bold shot.
I always shoot my shot. That's not true.
I just lied. Bold face lies.
I don't know. I always shoot my shot.
So confident. Has never shot her shot.
No, that's not true. I have sometimes.
Like, sometimes. Sometimes.
I'll be casual about it. Maybe after a bottle of Austin Hope.
She knows. See, she knows.
We're real friends. Best wine out there.
We're real friends. Yes.
It's my favorite um i think you should shoot your shot sister i think you need to always yeah but this sister do you think no don't don't shoot no more shots in this family no no no let i i feel like my hope is that k is truly over it Would you tell her at all? And then maybe let her maybe let her be the one that goes to Matt and says, I just want to clarify, like, you know, my birthday a couple of years ago, I didn't have a boyfriend that night. Like, I just want to get that out there.
Take with that what you will. Like, would you tell her and then let the ball be in her court? Because then like, she can also confront her younger sister and be like, hey, what you did, like, that was really shitty.
Yeah. I don't know.
It's so messy. Like, I want to watch the movie, but I don't want to be in the plot.
You know what I mean? Like, I don't, I just feel like that becomes a domino effect of like, I'm going to give you this information, do with it what you will. Yeah.
Because then Kay goes to Matt and is like, I'm going to give you this information. Do with it what you will.
And then he goes to Jane and is like, I just got all this information passed down to me. What the fuck? Would you want to know if you were like kind of deceived into dating someone? If you were like.
If I ended up like maybe in the beginning. Sure.
But I just feel like what she did, it's like the worst thing in the world it's not the best thing but it's not the worst thing I mean like she lied she listen she lied that's not nice especially it's really bad to her sister shady but again I feel like they ended up being right for each other so I think no I wouldn't want to know like Like it's not my business. Like it's, it's fine.
We're here. Like I have ignorance is bliss in my, in that situation for me.
What way do you think the comments are going to go? I don't know. I feel like very mixed.
Top comment. Wow.
Sister is dot, dot, dot something. Yeah.
She certainly didn't consider anyone else when she made her decisions

back then i would probably say something so he can make an informed decision but be prepared for the backlash and that's i mean that is what you're you're saying like yeah it is going to be it's going to be really messy and there's gonna be a lot of heart heartbreak for three parties and then you're just like that meme of the girl like smiling while the house is burning behind her like I don't know.

OP responds.

Okay.

The thing is they are great together. He and K are so much alike, both shy and introverted and very calm.
Jay is a social butterfly and he has even said that she has taken him out of his shell. So I don't know.
My only thought is I would have wanted to know. But if I tell, am I ready for the backlash? I don't really feel like you are.
I don't know. That's two sisters.
That's like, it's very close. Also, it's not like we're all meeting our men in the most organic way possible.
Like a lot of people are. But a lot of times there's like an entire army of women who are crafting the text and like the first several conversations you have with a girl before you meet her in person are not even her a hundred percent of it.
You know, like you plus five friends or two friends or it's like the board of investors, like in the background, like whatever. And so I just feel like there's a lot of real examples of not 100% organic.
Now, this is obviously pretty sad that she did that to her sister, but I don't know. I feel like I've probably sounded more witty to somebody in a text that was actually crafted by my best friend.
The way you just said board board of investors is the perfect way to describe like a girl's group chat and like crafting these messages together. It's like everyone's getting a little invested, like the little board of investors.
Yeah. I actually was given advice at my last company.
Somebody was like, this was like board of directors. She said, get a group of board of directors mentally, like women that support you in your business and your career moving forward that you can always tap into for mentorship or advice or whatever.
And then your friends are like your board of investors. They're like extra invested in your life.
You know? I love that. You got to get your board.
Everybody get that conference table going and mentally. Oh God, Richard, you're so good.
There's another comment that OP responds to. Okay.
You should tell.

Jay stole Matt's choice from him.

Everything they have built is based on a lie.

She didn't just tell that lie once.

She told it repeatedly.

She faked sympathy and comfort for him.

She manufactured the entire origins of their relationship.

If Jay has deceived him in this way,

I guarantee she has deceived him in others.

Her behavior was foul and selfish. She didn't care who she hurt as long as she got what she wanted.

How many other times has she hurt him to get what she wants? If there, Matt and Jay's love is real,

they will get over it. If not, and I don't see how it can be when it's built on sand,

please let this man have the opportunity to escape before Jay tricks him into marriage. Shit.
Popped off. OP responds, there is zero chance that Matt and Kay would be together, and that is not the point either.
I want my big sister's heart to heal and Matt to make an informed decision. Is your big sister's heart going to heal because you tell her this? I feel like it's going to break.
I think because she's going to wonder what if. What if I would have told him how I felt? What if that could be me? Like, I guess to your point, like now there is nothing that can be changed in regards to how it went down.
So it is interesting. I just feel like what I get it, but I don't think the benefit outweighs the mess here.
Yeah. Well, and someone that same user who commented that I literally didn't mention Kay once.
Matt deserves to know before he marries a woman who is happy to lie to him to get what she wants. There's no conceivable way he and Kay would ever be together now, but Matt deserves to know the kind of woman he is about to marry based on a lie.
And OP goes, Yeah, I know. I read and agreed with your comment.
I just wanted to add that this isn't about Kay and Matt being together either, in case some people wonder if that's my goal. Got it.
I also, I don't know if that's like necessarily fair to say. Like there's zero chance that Matt and Kay would be together.
Yeah. Because people could be very similar and still together.
He was interested. Yeah, he was interested.
He literally went to that party in hopes like of something happening. Yeah.
So zero? Never zero. No, never zero.
Never zero. I think ultimately is what's happening.
It's like Jay's character is coming into question is ultimately, I guess what they're trying to figure out if they need to like shut a light on or not. I don't know, Morgan.
I know. This is going to be a really tough one.
We might just have to put it to the people. The people.
Come on, people. What are your thoughts on this one? I don't think I would say anything.
I'm going to go in these comments and then you guys are going to influence me to say something. But like I just, again, and maybe it's because I'm like close with my family and I feel like there'd be a lot of like the blow up.
Again, I think the impact of the blow up would be worse than the benefit of telling your sister and healing. Did they say how long ago the situation happened? They've only been together for two years.
Okay. So Kay met Matt initially at work two and a half to three years ago.
Got it. So it's not that long.
No, it's not that long. Also, there is another comment from OP that Jay used Kay's shyness and pride against her.

She knew Kay would never fight back.

She's a deceptive little thing.

Yeah, it's like.

She's ugly.

It's not nice.

No.

Her character should be questioned.

What say you guys?

I don't know. Yeah, let's hear it.
I'll, if I remember, I'll try to remember. I'll post a poll.
Um, I can post polls on YouTube now. So maybe everyone go to YouTube for the poll on this one.
I'm going to vote. I'm, I could be, I could be swayed either way because I also do say this sometimes.
Are you telling someone something more so out of your own selfishness? like is she just doing is op just doing this to get it off their chest yes like is this really gonna help your sister also like there wasn't any mention like is this other sister the older sister okay is she dating now is she happy like what is like you know but morally, should he know Matt? Yeah, Matt, maybe, maybe Matt deserves to know. Yeah.
And you just say, hey, Matt, I just found this out. Do you just go straight to Matt, though? You could.
Do you skip the sisters? You could. Or is that like shady? I mean, he's a part of your family now.
That's what OP is saying. So you could just go straight to him and just be like, hey, I found this just want you to know so you know out in the open like you can make an informed decision but just so you know like k wasn't seeing someone back at that birthday party like jay did tell you a lie yeah um i just wanted you to know or like in a really chill way like oh i heard like you thought that k was dating somebody at that party like or make a fake email and write him an anonymous letter.
Morgan's all about that. You're like Snooki and JWoww writing the note to Sam.
God, kiss someone. I need to, we need to watch that.
What was it? What was the bar? Salt? I can't remember the bar's name. I just remember them writing it.
Sugar? I wish I couldn't spell fridge. I don't know.
Something about like refrigerator in it. But yeah, you're, you know what? You're so right.
This is very much like respectfully kind of a selfish. I need to get this off my chest.
It could be. I feel like it seems like.
Maybe not. Maybe they're like, no, no, Richa.
Like we don't know. People need to know.
There's no further updates on this one. We will keep will keep our eyes peeled okay I say that about everyone this episode so I am going to give us a little bit of some closure on this last one okay it does come with an update okay okay you're doing your this is like fresh stories I know I work my I work my butt off for the people do you guys you guys.
By the way, Morgan is like the hardest friend to hang out with because she's... I know.
She's always... You're just as hard.
But I mean... You're traveling.
You're bopping. I know, but you've built this empire.
Ma'am. I didn't build...
This is not... I didn't make the company.
You're out there marketing.

You're a little butt off, though.

I see you at those conventions.

I see you designing the tracksuits.

Me schlepping water at trade shows.

I want to go to a trade show.

I know.

I'm not wearing mine because I don't know how to put it on over my headphones.

So I'm just – it's my blankie.

You've got great taste.

You've got great taste.

You do have great taste, Rachel.

Oh, thank you.

Okay.

This last one for us. Okay.
Ready. It's coming from Best of Redditor Updates.
On that sub, it is only six hours old. However, the original post is coming from March 24, 2024.
So like almost a month old? Three weeks old? Three weeks old, Yeah. OK.
This one is titled my 32 male ex-wife, 33 female divorced me after a personality change. I found out I have a brain tumor.
How do I move forward? Oh, God, I'm sad. OK, let's hear it.
My ex-wife divorced me in 2022. I was devastated, but I couldn't blame her.
We had been together for about six years, and for a while, we had an incredible relationship. We had a memorable engagement in Belize, a long story involving bats getting stranded at the Mayan ruins where I proposed to her, and being rescued by a passing British military exercise.
But that's a whole other story. I won't wax poetic about it, but suffice to say, it's the happiest I've ever been.
And I think I made her very happy too. She was my best friend and we were ready to spend the rest of our lives together.
I was extremely close to her whole family as well. I was her brother's best man at his wedding.
But then the troubles started. My mental health took a steep decline.
My behavior was extremely erratic and bizarre. When we were in public, I often thought I was being followed.
One time I became convinced listening devices had been implanted in our home. I thought the police or government agencies were after me and monitoring my devices.
My wife finally dragged me to the emergency room after one of these incidents, and I ended up getting diagnosed as having a psychotic break with bipolar and schizoaffective disorder. My wife stood by me through it all, but even on treatment, I continued my strange behavior and thought patterns.
There was lying and substance abuse. Previously, I'd only ever drank socially and occasionally smoked weed.
It was all very out of character for me. I'd always been a very stable person, but I seemed to be spiraling.
One day, my wife had had enough and told me she wanted a divorce. She'd caught me lying about drug use.
For a while, I maintained contact with her brother, who tried to support us both through it, but eventually he cut me off too. In the year following the divorce, I tried emailing and texting my wife and her brother, but eventually I got the hint.
Mutual friends dropped me too. I couldn't blame anybody.
I think additional lies and misbehaviors had come to light, so I was a pariah. I sank pretty low, lost multiple jobs, and barely scraped by.
Fast forward to now. I'm still struggling, but I've managed to hold a good, well-paying job and even bought a few properties.
I got a new little pup named Archie who keeps me going when times get tough. I've kept at therapy and it's definitely helped.
But recently, while traveling, I suddenly collapsed. I went to the hospital and when the doctor heard my history, he immediately ordered an MRI.
The look on his face and his whole demeanor spooked me, like he suspected something that he didn't want to tell me, but he insisted on just waiting to see and not speculating. Lo and behold, I have a brain tumor.
The funny thing is, when I found out, I was dot dot dot relieved. Finally, it all made sense.
Apparently, it's not unheard of for such a thing to be misdiagnosed as bipolar. The doctors say it's probably been growing slowly for a long time, and it explains my strange and out-of-character behavior.
Thankfully, they think it's treatable, and with surgery, I stand to make a good recovery. So how do I move forward with this? I want to try to reach out to my ex-wife and her brother, but maybe they've moved on with their lives and I shouldn't try to reinsert myself.
I've done enough damage as it is. They don't seem to want to have any contact with me, but I also feel like they should know.
They may have blocked my number and email, but I do still have some mutual friends I could reach out through. For all I know, my wife is in another relationship and I shouldn't reopen those wounds.
But if the roles were reversed, I'd want her to know. So how should I move forward here? What, if anything, should I say? Oh my God, that's devastating.
I've given us so many like, do you tell? Yeah, right. You're really putting me on like the decision making spot here.
I kind of gave you a moral dilemma episode. You really did.
My theme when I started this was like, it's anything but perfect. But it's like, now it's like moral dilemmas.
Do you tell? It's not perfect by any means. It's like, it's wow.
Like, is this my fault? Is it not? fault is it not oh my gosh okay I you know what's so funny my first thought was like he needs a dog oh which Archie Archie look cutie um I would tell the mutual friends I think you you need to there's nothing wrong like I don't want to also demonize mental illness and bipolar and schizophrenia. So many people are diagnosed with that and they work through it.
They learn how to keep up with their medications and still maintain all of their occupations and ADLs and all those things. But he had this brain tumor.
And so, you know, he literally has this reason for why he changed. And I would want to know, like, I would, I would want to like, almost like, just make sure the people that, you know, I love and care about, like, know that now, like, I have an answer finally, like, he even said, like said like I'm relieved like he has more of an answer yeah and like maybe she's not seen anyone here's where I go back to hopeless romantic yeah I'm like maybe there's a shot like their engagement story like so caught in the Mayan ruins yeah ruins ruins oh my god we're gonna work on that word yeah So it's like I just like I would want to know like I'm like I said I'm bad with secrets I'd want to know see I feel like I would share it but not from like a romantic perspective it's not like I want to get back with her and so I want her to know this information it's more of like she might also feel some relief to learn that like there was a valid like a real thing going on back here yeah like he wasn't purposefully trying to lie to me correct like I'm sure even whether she's in a relationship or not it's human nature to like maybe she's gonna web md more about like brain tumors and find that like a lot of the situations that she was experiencing through him are common or have happened or are not like one in a million.
And maybe her experiences are going to feel like she's not, she wasn't alone in them, right? Whether or not she's like, okay, now I trust that he's not fully recovered from it. So maybe she's not going to want to go back.
No, there there's a long road ahead maybe there's like a bit of a peace moment for both parties where he's like i just want her to know this information and she's like i receive that that actually makes sense and like it gives me some closure and peace it's the closure that maybe she deserves i would tell the friends and also as your friends, I would hope that they present it to her in a way that is like delicate enough where they are like are respectful of her situation. And if she is engaged or dating or hates his guts, like whatever it is, they present it in a way that's like really respectful of what stage she's in in life.
Well, and I think as long as there's like no, like I have my own hopes of maybe they could come back together. You want everyone to end up together.
You are like, you love love. I love love.
That's the best way to describe me. I love love.
But I think if he says it with no ulterior motives and like approaches the friends, like you're saying, and it's just like, Hey, you guys, like I just found out like I have a brain tumor and that explains you know what's been happening to me if you could pass it along I'm not looking for anything you know if she wants to reach out she can but there's no pressure could you just you know let her and Johnny the brother know like yeah that'd mean a lot yeah and just leave it at that like If there's no ulterior motives or you're not looking for anything, I feel like there's no harm or no ill intention behind it. Yeah.
Again, this goes back to what I said earlier about I can control what I can control. I can control me telling you or telling the friends.
But after that, I can't have any expectation. I can't control her reaction, anything like that.
Right. Like you just have to be at peace with, with knowing that that was the right decision.
Okay. Let's get into the top comment on the original post.
Can I just say one more thing? Yes. I feel like in the last situation, I was like, don't tell that's really selfish.
And in this situation, maybe it sounds like I'm saying like you should tell and that could be selfish. But I think you should tell because it'll also potentially be beneficial to her.
I think it could really provide some closure, which I was going to bring up about the last one. And maybe this is where OP was coming.
Could telling my sister provide some closure that it had nothing to do with her. And now she can move forward finding her person.
Maybe. Maybe we got to put both of these two.
I'm open. I'm open on that one.
But for this one, I'm team. I think it would be nice for her to know.
Okay. I don't know what's about to come, and I'm so scared and nervous.
I didn't read this one at all before. I have no idea what the update entails.
Okay. I'm ready.
Hit us with the comments. Okay, the top comment on the original post.
If I were your ex, I would want to know. It doesn't mean that she'll want to have any kind of relationship with you, but on the off chance she still has feelings, that information would allow me to make some important decisions moving forward.
Yeah. OP responds.
No. What? I admit, I do fantasize about us getting back together oh my name is morgan and uh but i i'm literally gonna cry it's just so sad well of course brain tumors oh but i guess i should go into this with zero expectations.
I just miss her a lot.

That is really heartbreaking.

Isn't there some like they say that it's like renovation, IVF, and like home renovation, IVF, and illness are the three things that like if you can get through those, like you can get through anything in a marriage.

I can see that. But like a lot of couples get divorced over one of those three things.

And illness, there's so many people that like, you you know it's not really just do us apart no oh my gosh next comment down tell her my friend's mom had her and then had her two brothers like 10 years later my friend used to talk about how different her mom was when she was growing up and how sad she was her brothers never got the mom she got. Well, it got bad when something happened at school one day.
She was a teacher and basically retired for medical reasons. After that, they found a tumor like yours.
She had the surgery to remove it. And after she recovered, she was her old self.
Her personality had completely changed because of the brain tumor. I wish you well.
As someone that blew up her life for no goddamn reason, I can relate to you. You have a chance to at least explain why you were like that.
I have no excuse. Good luck.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Everyone put us in our feels. That's really, damn.
Yeah. She deserves that closure and she deserves to understand that there was a reason that there was such a shift yeah like what that reason was yeah I think it could really provide some peace and like if she is having a hard time moving on maybe it'll like create a resolution yeah are you ready for the update oh oh we have an update we have an okay this update this update came april 8th okay i'm scared so first of all thanks everybody for the comments and advice i didn't expect my post to get as much attention as it did but it was really helpful to get some perspective not to mention lots of support including some very thoughtful messages it got reposted on other places.
I didn't even realize there was an entire ecosystem of TikToks devoted to rehashing Reddit posts. I guess I'm old, lol.
Including some news sites. And a few journalists and podcasters reached out to me.
Not me. I'm just reading it now.
I'm touched that my story seemed to resonate with some people. But I'm a pretty private person and I'm working through a lot right now.
So apologies if I haven't responded to your messages. Long story short.
No, I've decided not to contact my ex or her brother for the time being. I know some people were probably rooting for a happier or at least more interesting ending, but this is how I'm handling things for now.
I'm sure he feels so overwhelmed with all of a sudden, like an influx of people telling him, you know, obviously he posted asking for advice, but now he's like getting a tidal wave of it across all angles. So maybe he just feels like overwhelmed.
Well, maybe he also is like, I'm going to get through this surgery. Like that's my priority first and foremost.
I'm going to get through the surgery and then see what happens. And then like maybe tell her.
Or perhaps he just like feels that deep down he knows that he can't not have an expectation about it. Maybe.
Cause I mean, he even said himself, he hopes that they'll rekindle. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. So maybe he's like protecting his piece by not putting it out there because then he'll be wondering and waiting almost, right? Oh, he goes on to say, I think the majority of the comments on my last post encouraged me to reach out just to inform my ex of the situation and maybe give her some closure.
Some suggested making a post on social media so it would get back to her or delivering a message through a mutual friend. For a while, something along these lines is what I wanted to do.
Now for the social media thing, I don't actually have any social media other than an Instagram account for my pup Archie with like 10 followers and a Facebook account using a fake name with zero friends. I use it for marketplace.
Same. But that's kind of besides the point.
I think more importantly, not reaching out right now just dot dot dot feels like the right move. I guess the true question is, what would be the best way to handle this for my ex? How does this affect her? And honestly, the more I think about it, the more it seems like reaching out is the selfish move.
No, see, I think reaching out is, I think the opposite. That's so interesting that he's saying that.
It's, I'm like, but that's like, we've been like talking about this and it's like, that's why there's so much gray area to all of these. Like it could, a lot of these today, it could go either way.
Huh. I wonder why he, does it say? Yeah.
So he goes on to say, she's always been a strong, resilient person. So I have no doubt she's managed to build a good life and move on.
And I'd just be potentially interfering with that, stirring up old hurt and wounds and maybe adding a lot of confusion and other complicated emotions. And then for the selfish perspective, I don't think it would be good for me either.
I admit, a part of me fantasized about a situation where we got back together, all was forgiven, and we lived happily ever after. But I think that's exactly the problem.
I realized there was no way I was going to be able to temper my expectations. So right now, with everything going on, it probably would be a bad thing to add it into the mix.
I've always loved my ex-wife. We grew up together.
I loved all of her quirks and her silliness and her strength, the way she always stood up for what she believed in. The fact that we always had so much fun together, whether we were playing a board game, she'd learn quick and kick my ass, except for Race for the Galaxy, or buying a house, or going on a bike ride somewhere, or overanalyzing a movie or TV show we'd watch together.

She's brilliant and hilarious and gorgeous,

and a total weirdo.

Very early in our relationship,

she asked whether I was a barfer or a shitter

when I got sick.

North or south?

I was also the DM for a D&D campaign that she played in,

and her goblin rogue would always peak tabletop gaming to me. I loved hearing her thoughts about everything.
I miss her every day. And who knows, maybe we'll reconnect at some point in the future.
I'm not ruling out ever contacting her. And in case it wasn't clear in my last post, I never thought my tumor exonerated me of responsibility for everything.
I've done. I know I still need to take ownership of my actions and learn to grow from this.
So that's what I'm going to focus on, getting better. My surgery is getting scheduled and then I'll just have to take it one step at a time.
There's a lot of other stuff going on too. I was applying and interviewing for jobs before all of this and actually got two offers recently.
So I'll be communicating with them about whether we could delay the start date and worst case, if not, my current job is secure and medical leave won't be a problem. I also bought another property, although the sale is still conditional, so I could walk away if I have to.
We'll see how it goes. All this to say, life is pretty hectic right now, but I honestly feel good and for the first time in several years, I'm looking forward to what comes next, whatever that may be.
Anyways, thanks again, everyone, for reading and commenting, sharing your advice and stories, well wishes and love. I might post another update down the line, but fair warning, I'm hoping it's just as boring as this one.
Not boring at all. I'm not.
If you are out there listening and this sounds familiar to you,

maybe reach out through the grapevine and find out if your ex has a brain tumor. Yeah.
If you're single and not married with kids and just fuck. Gosh, I really wish she found out through the podcasts and the interviews and the news and the whatever.
I do wish it gets back to her and she sees that he's saying like,

you know, I'm going to protect the peace right now.

I get it.

He's a big person.

He's bigger than I would be.

Yeah.

Bigger than I would be.

He does share some pictures of Archie.

Show us Archie.

That's exactly what I thought Archie would look like. Archie looks to be.
With the black ears or the dark ears and the. I'm thinking a Shih Tzu mix.
Sir Archibald. Oh my God.
Such a good haircut too. Wow.
Cutie. It's giving Shih Tzu.
Mix. Mix for sure.
Shih Tzu Maltese maybe. Oh don't know i'm curious oh very cute little dog definitely shih tzu very very cute at least i i'm happy that op has like a lot to a lot of positive coming up i do i do feel like it would be good for her but at this point i mean she hasn't known she'll just continue to live the same life that she's been nothing will change yeah for her nothing will change for him

potentially a whole new world in front of him yeah wish him the best oh again i guess we are

ending another one with keep our eyes peeled for another update same shit different i thought i

thought i was saving us you guys no no but i hope his surgery goes well i hope they reach out

Thank you. fuck same shit different i thought i thought i was saving us you guys no no but i hope his surgery goes well i hope they reach out and fall in love again no maybe they're not meant to be anymore though he did go he did put her through a lot and like that's a lot of trauma for her that is that is and i'm like there's a friendship can we start can we we could start we love his friends? Yeah.
Because they knew each other growing up. They grew up together.

Yeah. He was the brother's best man.

I know.

They're basically.

It's interesting that he's not like telling the brother or like somebody else.

Like I get he has a lot of mutuals.

But is this man so private that like his friends don't know?

I'm surprised it's not like getting leaked to them regardless.

I mean, who does he have to like, there's no mention of family or support like brain surgery. But he's a mutual support like and like your friends don't know you have a brain tumor i don't know it's so interesting i'm gonna be out here like sending you guys ultrasound like whatever the photos of like where the mri we're gonna go over the mri together i cannot believe they didn't do an mri when this all initially went down like yeah our health care system can be so goofy sometimes if this is America.
Yeah. Damn.
Okay. This was a good one.
Keep our eyes peeled. I gave you some really tough hitters.
I didn't make it easy on you your first time. Yeah.
Wow. I feel like, I feel like for the most part, there's only a couple of those stories where I was like, I actually have no idea what this person should do you guys give richa some love in the comments it is it is a big feat i would say to like come on it feels like i've had a lot of friends that have asked to come on and they say no like they feel really intimidated and like they're scared of blowback and mean comments so be sure like obviously we all have different takes.
We're never going to agree. So give Richa some big props and credit for coming on.
Angel. No, when you asked me, I was like, I'll do whatever you ask of me.
Oh my gosh. I'll be here fixing the cameras if you want.
I don't want to do that, but I would YouTube it. You are welcome back anytime.
I loved like getting so much cultural insight today too. And it's just like, it's so, I just love it.
It was so good having you. You can borrow my saris anytime.
I'm, girl, your wedding. One day it'll be in India.
I'm like. Me.
I will. No one to, I don't need the man.
I just need the wedding. I don't even care if you don't invite me.
I will be there. So be prepared.
Are you crazy? No, I've had someone tell me that though. Like they were like, well, just know if I'm not invited, I will be crashing.
So see you there one way or another. No, literally I will be there.
So be prepared. Are you crazy? No, I've had someone tell me that though.
Like they were like, well, just know if I'm not invited, I will be crashing. So see you there one way or another.
Literally, I will be there. So nice to see you there.
I always joke that I'm not actually going to do this, but that I'm going to have like an application for my friends to come to my wedding because I don't want someone going to India for the first time. And it's very overwhelming.
Every all senses are like shooting off at the same time. And I only want people to love it and you will love it.
But there's a lot that you're seeing on the road. There could be a huge, gorgeous palace and right next to it is slums and there's people everywhere.
And it's not like Japan is so clean and orderly. I'm obsessed with I'm obsessed with Japan but like India is not that and so if my application is getting back have you been to a country where there's like more people per square foot than than you've ever seen before and if so then India will be easy I'm ready I'm so ready I really want to apply to be on the amazing race I love love the amazing race.
I watch it all the time. Jesse Tannenbaum, if you're listening, I am here and they always do, um, a certain leg through India or like, and I'm just like, I'm going to fucking crush it.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, it's just the best. It's, it's, it's home for me.
So it's the best, but I need people to like go into it not experiencing that severe culture shock like I get scared that's so interesting people will go there and and be like oh no it was too much or something but it's like too much culture like there it's just so much beauty but there's a lot of like cooking ever there's a lot of scent oh the food give me and things to look at and people and there's animals and there's cars honking. I feel like that was Thailand, like Bangkok and parts of Thailand I went to.
You could come. A little less.
I'm not worried about you. I love Thailand.
Yeah. But Indian and Asian in general, I feel like hospitality is something else.
You will just have the most incredible hospitality. And Indian family units, as we talked about, are so the community and the perception, but also like genuine warmth and hospitality is like something that we take so much pride in.
I know. I love that.
I'll have to say. I love that.
I did have another story about a bride who got her sari pre-approved by, or no, another wedding guest who got her sorry, pre-approved by the bride before she went. And she was met with like people trying to pour wine on her.
And she was like, I was so shocked by this because in India, like we take such pride in being great hosts and being so warm and accommodating. And so I just, I love that.
Oh my God. I can't wait.
I'll address you for my one day imaginary wedding. Let's go baby.
Anyone. Don't do it.
Don't do it. Don't even bite your tongue right now.
I'm too busy. Where can people find you if they want to follow along on your journey of being a normie muggle, uh, Gryffindor? Oh my God.
I don't know. What do I like? I'm not exciting.
What's your Instagram? You are. You can find me Morgan.
I'm sure I have. We have some photos together, but.
Oh my God. She's going to play hard to get.
I'll be sure. I'll be sure it's linked.
Richa will be linked in the description. Oh, you can find me somewhere.
Maybe I'll put her LinkedIn professional one just to really get the hits up on the LinkedIn. No, you'll be able to find her one way or another, the description.
Thank you for having me though. I love it.
I love you. I love you.
I can't wait to see what happens with these stories. I'm just going to be scouring for updates.
I got to go follow all of them. You need to text me when I'm really bad at Reddit.
I'll be like, update, girl. We got it.
Here it is. But if you want more, there's some amazing stories dropping this month on Patreon.
We're going to be doing a big updates episode, and I think it's going to live over on Patreon. Getting in a lot of updates from stories.
We've had some big ones come out recently

that are going into the folder. So be sure to keep an eye out for that.
But other than that,

until next time, thank you for being here. Bye.
Thank you.