HTDE: OOO Baby, with Andy Samberg, Kate McKinnon, and U.S. Poet Laureate Ada Limón

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Hey everybody, it's Peter Sagal, and I've got a true story for you. Earlier this summer, there was a lovely gathering of all the wait-wait people, the extended family, and everybody involved.

And my wife came, which was quite lovely. Everybody was happy to see her.
And she ran ran into How to Do Everything producer Hina. And Hina said, you know, Mara, this is so funny.

There's this great gag that Peter's gotten going for a while now where he says that How to Do Everything is your favorite show, even though, of course, your husband, Peter, hosts a pretty well-known podcast slash show himself.

Haha, isn't it funny? And Mara says, actually, it's true. It is my favorite show.
I love it. So great news for...
Mara and all of you. Season two of How to Do Everything is finally here.

Mike and Ian did everything they were supposed to do to satisfy the corporate requirements and have been allowed to go back to the microphones.

So, we're very pleased to present to you episode one of season two of the revived How to Do Everything right here in our podcast feed.

Make sure you go over to theirs so that you don't have to bother with this

other show

in your podcast feed when you just want to hear how to do everything.

Labor Day was Monday. We were showered with presents.
And according to everything we've ever heard, you cannot wear white after Labor Day. What will happen? Will you explode?

Will you be shunned by society? And where does the whole thing come from? Elise Taylor is the senior lifestyle writer at Vogue. Elise, what can you tell us?

Where it came from is that in the Gilded Age, those with money would often leave New York City, which was crowded and hot and sweltering and go to a vacation location somewhere else maybe that was Newport maybe that was Southampton maybe that was Saratoga Springs and since it was hot and then you know there was also just a formality of culture back then where you couldn't wear like shorts and a tank top they were just trying to stay cool.

So that's kind of how it started where white really became known as a summer color.

And when it kind of became this, I don't want to say rule, I don't want to give this distinction, when it kind of became known that you didn't really wear those whites, the linens and the more breathable fabrics, is because when you got back to New York City, New York City was just disgusting.

We didn't have a sanitation department.

And so if you wore these white clothes and you stepped out into the street, which was covered in horse manure, garbage, we didn't really have anyone picking up our trash, sewage, all this really gross stuff, your clothes would get really, really dirty quickly.

And so if you looked at, you know, the old issues of Vogue, when they were talking about whites, they would say, you know, don't wear wipes to town because it soils too easily.

And so, you know, that's kind of how this all started.

So, okay, so you're at Vogue. You guys are setting a lot of the standards for what is fashionable.

Are you and your colleagues wearing white pants after Labor Day? Yes, of course we are. You know, we have sanitation departments in our cities now.
Feel free to walk around. I love that.

That's a great way to combat anybody who says, oh really, that's what you're wearing today? And you can be like, dude, we have sanitation departments in our cities now. You can wear whatever you want.

Yeah, it's like we have taxis, we have subways, please wear white. The world is getting hotter.
It's probably more comfortable if you do so.

This is how to do everything. I'm Ian.
And I'm Mike. On today's show, Andy Sandberg and Kate McKinnon tell you what to do with any old baby teeth you have lying around.

But first, hey Alex, what can we help you with?

So we were on a vacation and on a drive to like a long road trip and one of the questions that my wife and I came about was

we need to set up the out-of-office message in emails

to not encourage people to talk to us.

What do you uh do you currently have an out-of-office message that you use? Yes, uh it's like a very generic one. Like, I will be out of office until XYZ Day.
And if you have any

need of emergency assistance, please contact me. This number.
But at the same time, it's like, should I even bother to even do that? Or should I be humorous?

Like, hey, you should, you know, spend your own time with your families or stuff like that. Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah. Like, what's a good way to put a little flair into it? Right.
Put flair, but also discourage a second attempt to contact you. Yeah, eventually.

Alex,

just right off the bat, I think the funniest thing you could do is I'm out of the office until whatever date. For any urgent matters,

please email mike danforth at npr.org. So

Mike got all of your email. I think that would be great.

Way, yeah. I mean, I could.
Nobody, nobody, nobody bother you. Let me make sure.
Hold on, Mike. I'm just going to say your cell number and your home address.

And Alex, are you a nuclear scientist or someone on the front lines of stopping disasters? Because I'm ready. I'm ready to volunteer.
Perfect. In lieu of Mike helping Alex certainly lose his job,

let's help Alex write a good out-of-office message. I think we have the perfect person to call.

Hello. Hello, Ada.
Can you hear me? Hello, this is Mike. Is this Ada Limon? It is Ada Limon.
Oh, thank God. Is this national public radio? Sort of.
I mean,

technically, yes. Oh, I love it.
Ada Limon is the Poet Laureate of the United States. Ada, do you have an out-of-office email message? I have an out-of-office email that's on all the time.

Do you really? You're never in the office.

I am 100% never in the office. Perfect.
Well, what is, okay, so what does it say?

Mine says that you can't reach me, but if it is a poetry emergency, and then it gives a contact,

which I love, because then I get people who actually get me and say, I think this might be a poetry emergency. Wow.
Which I love.

What is... And often it's a deadline that I need to meet.

Yeah, is there, has there ever been something where you're like, oh, that is actually a poetry emergency? Yes, yes.

One of them was I was working with NASA to create an original poem that is on a spacecraft that is currently heading to Jupiter, the second moon of Jupiter, Europa, and I needed to respond very quickly.

So,

you know, that went up the chain and became a poetry emergency.

Wow.

That feels like there's like there's like stakes involved with that. Yeah.

Do you generally, as a poet and as the poet laureate, do you feel added pressure to make the sort of you know the quotidian things that we have to write extra poetic?

Like do you agonize a little bit knowing your your reputation and people's expectations?

Yes and no. For the most part,

I think that

everyone

loves a thoughtful message. Everyone wants to know that there's a real human being that's replying to you.
They don't necessarily need it to be poetic, quote unquote.

They don't even need it to be of length. They just need to know that you're a real living human being on the other end.
And I find that that is

that feels very necessary in this day and age. So like, what's a good way to convey that?

Like, to let people know you're a person without explicitly saying, by the way, this is a person talking to you.

Well, I was thinking about this when I was thinking about Alex's request. And I think partly it is to recognize that you are talking to someone, right?

So if I were Alex and I was thinking about who is receiving this out of office, I would want to take them into consideration, right? Who's on the other end of this?

And as poets, we often consider the reader. Yeah.
So a good prompt for him to begin would be who is receiving the message? Is it friends and strangers, right?

Is it, you know, to those of you who have gathered at the edges of the universe, you know,

to those found, you know, desirous of me and my time?

What if it's just Jimmy John's offering me $5 off my next sub

because it's a spring break special? Right. So you can say, you know, dear friends, dear strangers, dear

automatic replies

from places I have frequented that now have never lost my email. Yeah.
You know, we can include them.

I think implicit also in an out-of-office message, especially when it's someone going on vacation, which I think is the case with Alex.

Okay, I was going to ask, yeah. Is

I am doing something I want to do while the rest of you are stuck at work doing a thing you don't want to do yeah what is it that you want to convey do you want to say that you're on vacation are you on vacation are you escaping or are you

trying to

maybe be vague about your location? Oh sure, yeah. You know, so I think that's something to consider.
With poets, sometimes we like to obfuscate a little bit and sometimes we want to be super clear.

Sometimes the strangest thing is our own reality, right?

If you were to say, you know, I'm going to be underwater with fish, you know, with the fish, with all the fishes of the sea, that's interesting, but that could be very clear that you're going scuba diving.

You know,

so

you could sort of use the clarity of truth to be somewhat absurd, or you could try to hide it a tiny bit. So, I am here, but I am not.

I am a fish that can't be caught. You know?

Oh my gosh.

You could play around with it a little bit. Ada, did you just write a poem for Alex? I did.
I did. It just came out.

If I start to rhyme, it's actually really absurd. So

I try to avoid it. You couldn't help it.

I mean, I think Alex, yes, Alex should just use that. That's also the solution.
Yeah, good news, Alex. You have a new out-of-office email, and you're going to SeaWorld.

Not SeaWorld, not SeaWorld. Okay, fair enough.
And I also want to just say the third thing that he should really think about is also a sign-off. All poets really have to consider our endings.

So I would make sure that he's also considering what he wants to say as a sign-off. You know, is it, you know, don't despair.
Or rather, do, I've gone away and so should you. You know,

something kind of fun. You can't help it.
You did it again. You can't help it.
I know. And really poems don't need to rhyme and yet it's a joy to rhyme.
I don't know. You're the poet laureate.

I think you just decided that they do.

I was kidding earlier when I suggested to Alex that we give all of Mike's contact info so that he could be his emergency out-of-office contact. But I actually think this would be a lot of fun.

I think that for all of you listening right now,

we could be your out-of-office emergency contact. Yeah, yes, yeah.
I mean, not, I mean, not real emergencies, we should be clear. Yeah, we will be your out-of-office contact.
Yeah.

Let's not over promise. The thing to do, I think, we are going to write up an out-of-office message that you can copy and paste.
We'll put that in the show notes.

Put that in your emails when you go on vacation in the office.

And whoever reaches out to you they will have a way to contact us and we will try and answer their question yep we will jump in front of any emails that you get anyone who's upset anyone with a pressing question that they that only you can answer we will answer it i feel like we're going to want to stop doing this at some point so let me just say if you're listening to this episode after

July 2034, the service is no longer available. Okay.

But

yes,

if you want seriously take this thing put it in your email and uh we'll see what happens yeah good luck everybody and enjoy your time off

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It's probably a good time to tell you that whatever question you may have, maybe it's out-of-office related, maybe maybe it's poetry related, we will answer it for you.

Maybe it's about being in the office. Out of office or in the office, that covers every possible question in the universe.
Whatever it may be, send it to us at howto at npr.org.

You probably know this. Whenever a big movie comes out, there's always junkets, where the stars of the movie, they stay in one place and and journalists from all over the world

get six minutes with them to ask them whatever questions and everybody always asks the same question. Do you remember this from the movie Notting Hill?

Remember when Hugh Grant has to go interview Julia Roberts character, Anna Scott? And the only way he can do it is to pretend he's a magazine writer for Horse and Hound magazine? Do you remember this?

I don't remember it, but I love hearing how many details you just remember.

It's a terrific movie. It's actually actually really good.
The reason we bring up Junk It is because there's a new movie coming out called The Roses.

It stars Kate McKinnon and Andy Samberg and other people. But Kate McKinnon and Andy Samberg recently did a junket and we joined it.
Yeah.

But rather than ask them the same questions that they were getting asked by thousands of other people, we decided to ask them your questions. So here we go.

These are questions you provided that we asked Kate and Andy. This first question is from Rosa.
Hi, Mike and Ian.

So recently my oldest lost his first tooth and as I was holding the tooth in my hand, I immediately questioned what I was supposed to do with it. Frankly, my husband and I don't agree.

He was leaning towards keeping the tooth and I thought that was kind of gross.

But I also feel some level of guilt throwing it in the trash.

So I guess my question is, what am I supposed to do with my kids' baby teeth when they fall out? Thank you. A husband should take it,

say he threw it away, but keep it in a secret place.

Oh, okay.

It's not a... a TV that doesn't work anymore.
It's a tiny thing.

Why throw it away?

I mean, I do know there's many instances of like children grow up and then at one point they find like a little baggie of all these little dinky teeth and it is kind of disconcerting. Yeah.

I have an idea. Make a very small hole in your sheetrock.
Drop

through.

When someone does a big reno on your house, they'll find a tooth. and they'll call the police and it'll be kind of a fun day for everyone.
Like, dad, you were the jump rope killer?

All right, here's another question. This is from Aaron.
How do you explain to your wife that you are not into kissing due to bad breath?

That is beyond my pay grade.

I think it's if you're in a long-term relationship, no matter who you are, you got to tell that person. I think that's right.
I've certainly been told before, like, woof, you know?

Not always, but there are times when we all have a moment where our breath is not as nice as it could be. I would be sad to know that I wasn't told and they had to suffer.

Andy, in that situation, how would you like to be told that you have bad breath? Probably like,

no,

like that, Kate. Here's how I'd like to be told: gum.

Yeah. It like comes up.
It comes up from under the covers.

I didn't realize they were in bed. Okay.

Gum. Well, yeah, that's how I imagined it.
Yeah. Gum.
Oh, where did that come from? Oh, I see. Premeditated.

This has been a long time coming.

One more question. This is from Emily.
My husband and I love each other dearly, but he cannot stand the sound of me eating potato chips. We can't eat chips in the same room.

What do we do? Wow, I've never heard potato chips being one of those.

As a person who doesn't actively dislikes potato chips, it's hard to

why this is a problem. Why someone would be so devoted to eating potato chips that they would let it get in the way of their relationship?

Do you like all chips, Kate, or just potato chips? Do you like a Torito? No chips for you.

Really? What is it about chips?

I don't, um, I don't care for them.

Okay.

Fries? Do you like fries?

Sure. I don't seek them out.

Sorry. Do you like pretzels? No.

What do you like? Yeah. I like plenty.

I guess I don't like it if it's from a little bag. I think in a relationship, you get a few things that you get to ask for, like this, right?

I think if it's really a big priority, you say,

can you eat those somewhere else?

Yeah. There's certain things that we can't explain why really bother us in that way, like auditory or sensory in any way.

I think if you're with somebody, you are allowed to tell them a few things like that.

But be warned, if you bring it up, there's a strong chance you've got a few for them also, and it might come back out.

It's a real Pandora's box. Okay.

Thank you all so much for helping all of these people. Our pleasure.
I think we really cracked it.

Well, that does it for this week's show. What did we learn today, Mike?

Well, I learned that the whole white after Labor Day thing isn't so much about fashion as it is about how gross the city was and that you didn't want to wear white when you were back in the city because you would get all dirty.

Yeah, you would look disgusting. Yeah.

I have small children. Yeah.

And I do find that there are certain clothes. Wearing white after having small children

should also be banned by Vogue magazine. What kind of stains do you have? Do you have because I've seen, I know what you, I know some, I know some of your clothes.

You have some white sweatshirts. Are they pristine still? I have to be very careful.

I usually wear them only, I'll put them on after the children go to bed and remove them before the children wake up. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.

I did recently, I have a red, there's a red stain on one of my off-white t-shirts.

But the red stain is is dead center in the back.

And

I don't know how it got there.

What's the situation where you as a parent of two small children ever get something on your back? Like were you guys, did one of your kids, like, is one of your kids a coward?

And they could only only get you from behind where

you weren't looking? Like, to my face, son.

How to do do everything is produced by Hina Srivastava with technical direction from Lorna White. You can send us your questions at howto at npr.org.

And don't forget, we will be your out-of-office email responders if you need that help. It's kind of an experiment to see how many American companies we can bring down just by doing our best to help.

The out of office is in the show notes. I want to say one more thing that some of the music in today's show was provided by Moby Gratis.
No, I'm required to say it, but I want to say it. I'm Ian.

And I'm Mike.

Thanks.

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