WDWDY #20: Dancing in the Moonlight

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, No, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's gonna tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Yeah, aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

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Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Some might say, too many.

I have one already.

I don't have any because there are enough.

Politics, business, sport, you name it.

There's a podcast about it.

And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Why is that?

Are they scared?

Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Possibly, but not us.

We're here to ask the only question that matters.

We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

That's it.

All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.

Day before yesterday, Max?

Nope.

The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.

I'm Max Rushton.

And I'm David O'Doherty.

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Welcome, David O'Doherty, and welcome, everybody, to Midweek Mayhem, episode 20, I'm told.

The 20th of the Mayhems.

What a landmark, David.

I just, from the last episode, the fact that you pull out that you beat Teddy Sherringham and various celebrities in a million-dollar poker tournament.

It's although we're 20 in, I feel we're only getting to know this guy.

We're only scratching off the start of this lottery ticket.

I'm like an unmined diamond, David.

Yeah, that's me.

John's a feedback.

Let's start with a child.

Benjamin in Tunbridge Wells, 12 years old.

Hello, David.

I just don't know.

Is this 12?

I think maybe it is 12-year-old friendly.

I'm a huge fan of the podcast.

And when I say huge fan, I mean huge fan.

In fact, after listening to every single one of your episodes in succession, I now want to be a comedian when I grow up, much to the disappointment of my dad, because I previously aspired to be a lawyer.

If I succeed in my plan to become a very lazy comedian, I should definitely come on your podcast.

I couldn't stop laughing at the constant references to Nish Kumar's shit, Benjamin Tumblr Dwell's 12.

We're influencing the youngster, and that is good, David, isn't it?

Because there's a lot of, there's a lot of, I would say, slightly disappointing male role models in life.

Oh, wow.

Maybe we can come in and change.

We can be the beta males.

My goodness.

Revolutionizing society.

What do you think?

You think one boy at a time.

Instead of showing adolescents in schools, they should play all 20 episodes of Midweek Mayhem of What Duty Yesterday, where

we talk about the worming chocolate a lot

and people say and what are your biggest influences on how you decide to live your life and the response is bajing

um

no i think you sent me this in the whatsapp group sarah um on tapestries i think it was sarah made it i don't know why were we discussing tapestries david i remember it being a true bit but i can't remember why like oh podcasts of old maybe maybe they did tapestries.

I forget.

But you sent me this.

She made a tapestry of us.

There we are.

We're both in sort of medieval suits of armor.

I have two swords and you have one.

If I've got the beards the right way around.

Yeah.

And there's a football, a bike, and a toilet.

That's all there is.

You are the guy with the football.

Obviously, I'm the guy with the bike.

And then

betwixt betwixt us, as we say in tapestry chat,

is a big old porcelain poop machine.

The thing, the thing that binds us, the thing that brings us together, that connects these two wastrel strays from lands apart.

Marsmar, if you can find a medieval version of the Sugar Ross.

No, Tom Loader

with a lute.

Bling, bling, blink, bling, bling, bling, blink, bling, blink, blink, bling, bling.

Okay, I'm on it.

This is from Patrick.

Thank you, Marsba.

Curdle RIP.

Correspondence on Curdle has dramatically dropped since the competition was finished, but I do believe people miss it.

Patrick says, hi, Max.

Big, what did you do yesterday, fan?

Going to see David at a small festival in the west of Ireland in Dingle.

this Sunday.

I am unicycling in a balaclava for the parade.

Just asking to see what cheese you'd recommend me having on me to throw at him, either in the crowd if I spot him at the parade or from the crowd at the church where he's doing a gigat.

Love the pod.

Fuck him for saying it's a normal cheese.

Thanks a million.

So

this was last Sunday.

It was a dingle.

It was Felene Bialtena, the sort of, I mean, it grows from a pagan summer festival type thing, but lots of artists,

trad musicians, cool bands.

I think I was doing the comedy show, but they have this parade and the theme of the parade was the Phoenix, which is the local cinema, which is called the Phoenix Cinema because it burned down twice in the 1950s.

And

it's currently being done up.

And an artist managed to, not only was the local cinema, it was also the local video shop.

And so so they were hoofing out stuff they'd found in it including basically you know half a skip full of old VHS videos wow

as the theme of the parade was uh film and off the coast of Dingle you can see the skelligs which are the islands in the last star wars where Luke Skywalker goes it's um it's like a ninth century monastic settlement with these amazing beehive huts it's where he hides out in the galaxy so no one will find him.

But they filmed it just off Dingle.

And so my friend decided to make one of these stone beehive huts, but from old VHS tapes he'd found in the skip around the back of the old cinema.

And the children were dressed as Star Wars characters.

But what he realized while building it was definitely a soft core porn section to the old VHS.

So he had to angle those VHS tapes kind of inward.

So the parade, one of them was called Sex O'Clock, which is just such a lazy name for an 80s softcore boobs fill.

Come on.

Star Wars would be different if they, you know, if they'd called one of the old planets dingle, wouldn't it?

You know, it's just not where, it's not where Obi-Wan would be teaching people the way of the force, would it?

We must hyperspace to dingle.

And then chewbacker makes a big noise.

Now, look, we have a we've missed a trick here, by the way.

Oh, Marsbar says medieval dancing in the moonlight is ready whenever you want it.

Well, of course, we want it right now.

Here we go, everybody.

In at number six, it's top.

Is he playing it, do you think, Marsbar?

Yeah,

he's got out his loot.

It can't help but make you smile.

Whatever era.

Thank you, Marsbar.

Well,

we know how to start the live show now, don't we?

Men in

tights and sort of those puffy trousers and neckerchiefs playing the lute to top loaders dancing in the moonlight.

I do love that people recorded that, but

what were they thinking as they were recording it?

You know, it's a pretty

hit.

It's a hit.

Pete Waterman sits back and says, well done, guys, it's a hit.

Unless Michael used AI.

I've never used AI, but I imagine that's what AI does.

I mean, it's its best uses.

Can you make a medieval version of Dancing in the Moonlight?

Who knows?

Maybe Mars Bars has a harpsichord at home.

Or maybe that was the original version of it from the 12th century.

And it was only when King Crimson?

Was it King Crimson?

And Top Loader came along afterwards.

They ripped it off.

Kind of fits, doesn't it?

You know, people like skipping around, dancing in the moonlight.

There's not, you know, that happened.

That's generally how people had hijinks.

Yeah.

Didn't they, in medieval times?

They did.

They got it on.

every night.

Yeah.

There's nothing else to do, was there?

We missed a trick, David.

Many people got in in touch to say, regards the Estaminito episode, why did none of us call it what did you do yesterday?

Yeah.

And

I feel slightly ashamed that I didn't think of that.

Maybe that joke is not good enough for you, but I really felt like had I come up with it, I'd have been delighted.

My role as the non-professional comedian, I just try and be funny, you know, just in an amateur sense.

So, like, I uh

anyway, um, I talked to Chris Clark.

Yes, David.

I had to, so my version of that, though, I'm not saying this is a higher level than you in anyway, Mike.

It can be.

It can be, David.

I don't mind.

I had to resist because she must be so sick of this, of saying, Esther Manito, like Des Posito, the world's biggest hit of the last five years.

Every time I said her name on the podcast.

But boy, that was a funny episode.

I really felt...

I don't know.

Just the idea of doing a marathon and no one giving a shit the next day.

But that is it, no one really gives a shit what anyone does.

I mean, that's sort of what I think we're establishing over time.

Dr.

Chris Clark has been in touch.

I was listening to the Estaminito app.

I thought I'd weigh in on the cool pop, ice pop science question.

I'm a structural food physicist.

This is what we wanted.

Yeah, so this falls nicely into my area.

Hang on, Max.

So you were maintaining that

when you suck up a

cool pop is what we're calling the genre ice pop a tony pot anything like that have these in other countries where you physically force the delicious sugary icy mix up with your fingers towards your mouth you are maintaining that the delicious sugary syrup comes out first leaving you with uh just ice then afterwards flavorless icicle

like a stalactite so you're getting you're getting an icicle you're right great i was maintaining it was melting different melting points of the elements within the ice pop.

Anyway, here we go.

Chris says, Max is spot on with the different melting points idea.

One point for me, but the structure also plays a big role.

When you freeze the sugary liquid, pure water ice crystals grow first and force out the sugars into a concentrated sugary liquid that sits between them.

The end result is a network of ice crystals with semi-solid sugar water in between.

The semi-solid sugar water melts at a lower temperature than ice crystals, which means it can be sucked out.

What's left is the fairly flavorless ice.

Hope this helps.

Thanks for brightening my daily commute.

We suddenly became no such thing as a fish there, David.

That's what happened.

We became an episode of QI.

In our time.

We became in our time.

In a minute, someone will come in and ask us if we want to or coffee.

Wow.

I felt like I was in a real podcast there for a second, man.

Yeah, me too.

Well, let's take it back to normality.

This is on my friend John's penis and locksmiths.

So I was discussing with you, you, me and Joel were discussing some time ago about, you know, showering with other men and times when it's totally normal to be naked with your friends and times when it really isn't.

And I was discussing my friend JK and how I would shower with him in the football changing rooms, you know, showers.

We would stand next to each other naked.

fine when we lived together we didn't stand next to each other naked at any point his friend graham got in touch on another of his friends whatsapp groups just to say long time since i'd had cause to think about jk's insert aubergine emoji hashtag t n j n c they're just yeah normal cheeses yeah they're not just normal cheeses he's he's up to date of course uh as john said to me somewhat surprising discovering who has been thinking about my penis historically and or for the first time uh

and he adds john i called a locksmith to my house.

And this is on the subject of, you know, me really painting locksmiths in a, in a bad, just, you know, I think it's a racket, right?

I called a locksmith to my house because I thought we needed to replace a lock.

He looked at it and said, this was a job I could do myself, explained how, said I should do it myself because he'd have to charge 200 pounds and that didn't seem necessary.

Then he went away, no call-out fee.

He was called Mike.

So we salute Mike the locksmith.

And maybe I was wrong.

I apologize.

You've really gone in two-footed on locksmiths on this.

Yeah, I did.

I don't know if that's going to get a lot of popular consensus there.

Well,

my locksmith did not thank me, and I gave him $29 for nothing.

Oh,

I really, this is the fourth week in a row that this has come up.

And I just don't know if this, if I want to die on this hill with you about

the fuck locksmith's hill.

We'd die on the hill together, David.

You know,

he was found beaten to death in his bed with breberoost argental cheese

with a chub shoved right up exactly um

adam from london hello adam hi guys day one listener big fan of the pod welcome on the topic of max's boring energy and generic vibe i imagine max is one of the default options you're given when making a character on something like fifa or the sims

max is

default man three, and I won't hear otherwise.

Like, toggle, toggle, toggle.

There you are.

However,

something happened during my last listen, which means Max can't possibly be boring.

I'm somebody with absolutely no interest in football.

I grew up in Newcastle, so instinctively revere Alan Shearer as some sort of god, but otherwise couldn't care less.

But somehow, Max's retelling of his first game of the season with the Melbourne Big Boys Club was one of the most exciting things I've heard in years.

I want a similar retelling of every game now.

I'm completely hooked.

I totally loved it.

If Max was truly a hollow void of boringness, how could he have converted so swiftly to his passion?

Food for thought, says Adam.

Yeah, food for thought.

Thank you, Adam.

I appreciate it.

Max, you get such a kicking.

A generic vibe is

band three.

It's a really good name for a band.

Generic vibe.

Well, I should ask you then.

I mean, I know we're here, we will eventually cover your yesterday when we've dealt with other business but have you played another match since the epic five three victory against whatever hoodlums they were against epping city well our next game was against maribong oh those guys yeah those bastards um man you know the answer this day we've talked about this for the tape because i believe in honesty But I'm glad you asked me that question because

I stood aside

to take Jamie out for lunch.

And I just said, I don't need to, you know, it was Saturday and

she was a bit sad that I was playing football because it's four hours.

We've been through this.

Yes.

And maybe just because of the podcast, I felt guilty.

I didn't feel guilty before, but the way you talked to me about it, especially when I said I didn't have a beer, and you were like, oh, you hero.

So I was like, why don't we go out for lunch?

And Jamie's first question was, is it your yesterday tomorrow?

Your whole life is just performative for this podcast.

But it's bringing us together.

So it's a beautiful thing.

You know, you're fine.

I don't want to give any spoilers for our yesterday, my yesterday.

But there was no, there was just pure happiness, no tension in the house.

So, you know, there we go.

Hang on.

Well, I have to ask the follow-up question.

Did you, because I know your team, someone on the bench does a minute-by-minute update on the WhatsApp group.

So

firstly, did we, and I feel I'm part of this team now.

Of course, yeah.

Did we win?

And secondly, were you checking regularly?

We, Melbourne Bohemians, were we lost 4-0 to a younger, fitter, stronger team.

So, and I probably was only worth three goals, if you think about it.

So, probably, probably didn't, we didn't lose anything by me not being there.

Quentin was also injured, and he's really good.

So that was a problem.

And actually, the minute-by-minute, I sort of, you know, if I'm not there, it is not as detailed.

So, if I'm not on the pitch, you know, I really like go to town, I really enjoy it.

And I'm trying to, I'm trying to model the behavior I want from others.

But really, it was just like 2-0 down a half-time.

And I guess if you're losing the minute-by-minute, it's a bit less exciting, yeah, because you're a bit sad.

So, then it just went 4-0 full-time.

Unlucky lads.

We've got a winnable game on Sunday, so I'll keep you posted.

Great.

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Claire from Wimbledon writes, Dear Max, David and Marsbar, I was listening to a midweek mayhem this morning as I enjoyed the first day of my holiday in the Yorkshire Dales.

Lovely.

As I left the rental cottage this morning, I was humming the Romeo and Juliet tune after hearing it discussed in the proposal story.

Imagine my surprise when upon entering the only shop in the tiny village we're staying in, what was playing through the speakers but Dire Straits Romeo and Juliet.

I thought, here's a shop owner who also listens to your brilliant pod, and it's my chance to bond with the locals.

I sidled over in my city barber jacket and flared jeans to the shop owner and casually mentioned I'd heard this song being discussed on a podcast only this morning and wasn't that spooky.

I was expecting us to both have a look of mutual understanding about listening to what did you do yesterday and become friends for life.

But no, she just gave me an awkward shrug and off I went, sad to have not met a fellow pod enthusiast.

But I think the gods must have been involved in all of this because where am I staying in Yorkshire?

Wensleydale.

It's just a normal cheese.

Thanks for all the laughs and the bazooking.

Claire from Wimbledon.

Lovely.

Yes, that email has everything.

Yep.

I mean, that song does have a life of its own away from our podcast.

It's, I would say, one of the top 50 most popular British songs of the last 40 years.

I think it's pre-40.

I reckon it might even be more than 40 years ago.

19 Juliet.

80 ago.

82.

Yeah, maybe it is.

I guess that is more than 40.

It's from the album before.

Isn't it?

Yeah.

Do you think that, you know, in the way that say, you know, saying that Wayne's world sort of brought Bohemian Rhapsody back to number one?

Do you think if Romeo and Juliet enters the charts at number seven in the next week or two, we'll know the influence that we have?

Yeah.

Keep an eye on the charts, particularly if a medieval version of it comes back.

So if anyone is still listening to, you know, Bruno Brooks.

top 40 or perhaps Mark Goodyear, then let us know if Romeo and Juliet or Plinky Plunky Top Load is in there.

On the subject, David, of who would replace you in the event of your death.

Hi, guys, says Stephen in his truck.

Knowing that Max needs someone Irish to work with on the podcast, I have an inventive solution that would keep Max's 1990s sensibilities in check, but also offer some variety.

I propose that on a rotating basis, Max is joined each week by a member of the cause.

Just one of them, of course.

It's musical, it's Irish, it's definitely 90s.

What's not to like?

Best wishes.

Well, I could step in there, and every Irish listener is thinking the same thing.

Jim, the fella from the cores,

really,

he's asking a lot of questions in life generally.

They would be spicy podcasts where Jim comes on.

Jim, I remember, like, I really stopped looking after a while.

Initially, there was a real comic value to the fella from the cores

going like real early conspiracy theory.

You could say he's asking legitimate questions, but

it would always be phrased in such a way, which is

if there was an earthquake, people who know more than me are saying that the

that the U.S.

Army are trialing an earthquake machine.

Who knows?

People are just,

who knows?

That's the podcast I'd like to listen to.

Dragon's Den idea, isn't it?

An earthquake machine, isn't it?

Just came up with it at home.

Me and the wife were just chatting at home thinking about what we could make i've i've invested 250 000 pounds of my own money in this earthquake machine i think debram even with that's time to stop other suggestions we've had to we've had to swap david for another david from multiple listeners include hasselhoff zinnela d'acovny and let's face it if we could get the three of those on a pod together

who wouldn't listen who wouldn't listen to hasselhoff zinneler and dikovni talking about anything i wouldn't

it sounds like uh a lunchtime show on Talksport, doesn't it?

Yeah, or it does.

It's that or a just a sort of suburban law firm.

But you're probably right.

It is.

Yeah, it's afternoons with Hasselhoff Jindler and Dacofny.

You're right.

Brought to you.

Brought to you with Tool Station.

I'll interrupt you there.

Dacofney, we've got this goal at Roker Park.

Whatever it's called, though.

Sean in Dublin on being sick on a bus.

Of course.

I absolutely love your podcasts about shitting.

It's not what it is.

It's my favorite podcast currently airing.

Not of all time.

That would be mental, he says.

Your listener that got sick on a bus in Sri Lanka sparked a memory of mine you might enjoy as teenagers.

We were getting a bus back from Mayo to Dublin.

Returning from a house party the night before, we're all very hungover.

Five hours.

Oh, five hours.

Oh, ouch.

I already felt sorry for the respectable commuters sitting around us.

But one poor man was sitting beside our friend Luke, and he had it the worst.

During the journey, Luke got sick in one of those triangular sandwich packets

and

spent the remaining hours precariously balancing it like a seesaw on the seat tray in front of him.

From memory, the man took far too long to swap seats, and Luke took far too long to throw out the sick.

Anyway, have a great week.

Sean Dublin.

Thank you, Sean.

Wow.

That's a grim image of Sydney there.

Yeah, because it would look a bit like a sandwich in certain lights.

I don't think it would.

Well, it depends what they'd be drinking.

It would look like sick in a bag, I think it would look like.

Shall we do my day?

What do you want to do?

Should we do my day, or do you want some nice iTunes reviews, or should we wait for them next week?

I just, there was one thing I wanted to tell you about because please, please.

I feel it's a slight microcosm of the world the so last week i told you about this whole other side of my personality oh yeah the sheep in the are they out are they out they all out uh we believe they're out now

uh we'll we'll only tell by looking at the poos and seeing how recent they are when i get down there see if they're just human we know it's just you

but also the gutter blew down and the storm oh dear the brackets broke off it must have been some storm this storm in march and the brackets themselves

when we went to the uh shop that the sort of general store on the island the guy said we don't have these anymore the it's a it seems like a touch of scam on the part of the gutter company in that they've changed the sort of bracket every few years.

So if you need to repair it, which should be a small repair, you have to buy full guttering for the whole house anyway i have one and so because the uh sweenies on accol doesn't know uh where to get them i take a photo of it and i put it on my facebook page oh yeah that's okay good that's where i feel the i'll get the most feedback and i'll be honest nothing has ever got this much response like messages start coming in at this speed

of

people with advice as as to a lot of people suggesting 3D print it, but that's not really possible because these are Atlantic storms.

And I would imagine you'd have to

3D print it in some sort of rubbery silicon type thing.

But the reason I bring this up is the initial tranche of people, the first 50, were so helpful.

They were like, you see, to me, it looks like this.

Maybe contact WAVI and see if they have it.

But then the second order came in, and the second order are like, think you know about gutters.

Jog on, mate.

And

then the problem was the first people who'd just been nice were like, well, why don't you go and fuck yourself?

Why don't you ask my ass?

And like using gifs.

And you don't, you know, nothing about guttering.

Like what you do is dangerous.

I think you should be reported to the gutter council.

And it was you hadn't done something like this for a while.

Normally I just plug stuff, but it was like, oh, this is the internet.

I ended up just having to hide loads of comments.

And then I did want the information to come in.

But you're like, wow, people are brilliant slash awful.

Yeah, that is true.

That's true.

That could be our next t-shirt.

Do you want my yesterday, David?

Max, what did you do yesterday?

All right.

My notes begin at 4 a.m.

Where I can't really remember.

I imagine Willie woke up.

Willie woke up, needed his nappy change or something like that.

That's fine.

That's part of the course.

But then I go for it.

Then I just go to the toilet myself.

And it was interesting because I did a poo.

And that's very rare for me at four in the morning, but I did.

So

I thought I'd just put that in the middle.

I'd love to know.

Yeah, what you'd done the night before, but obviously can't ask.

It's good, though, that you've started with this.

And because I know that your day generally is for an audience of one, I thought you might have opened up just by writing some songs about how beautiful your wife is or something like that as you sit there shitting your guts on the toilet.

While I was there, I was just graffitiing poems of love for Jamie on the rock.

I don't know why I'm telling everyone this, but I did that.

And if you didn't see them, Jay, they may have washed away

while you slept and I gazed into your eyes.

Anyway, I went back to bed.

So that doesn't really count, but I just thought it was an interesting little 4 a.m.

point.

Five past six, Ian wakes up and calls for Mama.

And so Mama goes and I stay with Willie Rushton.

I try and keep him down, keep him asleep, which involves him spitting his dummy out and me putting it back in.

just on loop.

And it's pretty much a success for half an hour.

He's basically asleep.

He's jostling a bit, but that's that's fine.

Interruption.

In your last day, which was the football match, the greatest game of all, the goal that was heard around the world,

you put Ian to bed.

Do you remember that?

Yeah, yeah, I did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it felt like a real breakthrough of a massive breakthrough.

It was a massive breakthrough.

More Sugar Ross playing as his eyes shut.

And you're like, I can do this.

Has that all just fallen away now?

now oh yeah completely now it's like who would you want to do bedtime he goes dadda and we go you sure he goes no mama you're like okay um you know i do a lot of the lying in bed with him at 3 a.m if he can't sleep where he sort of gas where he where i just stay totally motionless and my knees are sort of bent up it's not good for football and then he like rolls into me and says you're hurting me um and you're like that it's just you're gaslighting me at three this is really just not acceptable but he's good at it anyway so 6 35 i bring willie to the living room the whole family are there i turn on into milan versus barcelona it's on delay so kicked off at 5 a.m but i'm watching an hour and a half behind perhaps one of the greatest football matches of all time that might be recency bias but it is a great game i'm watching on a laptop with one airpod in while making ian porridge so i mean it's not quite being at the san sero but i believe it's the next best thing as well

so the game's great and that is really taking up a lot of my attention um i make ian some porridge he rejects the porridge so we just leave the plan is is to not just go oh i'll make something else you just leave it there go that's breakfast mate you got to suck it up and right yeah yeah could you add some cinnamon to it oh no because if if it doesn't look plain he's not interested

um but like it's worth a thought but the other day and this wasn't yesterday i think i just said look this is for breakfast how do you like them apples yeah and that was wrong because then he said, can I have some apples?

And he eats so many apples that we just

try and put off the apples because there's no there's going to be many in the day.

It was the wrong turn of phrase to use.

Anyway, I made myself my wishes.

How do you like them apples?

Well, Steve Jobs.

Actually, he was the one who originally coined it after he'd invented the iPhone and the iPod and the iMac.

He pointed at them in front of the ground.

He said, how do you like them?

Them apples.

No, I I don't know if that's a joke or actually true.

I thought it was a really good joke.

It's a good one.

It's a good one.

I enjoyed it.

I know, but normally a good one person doesn't have to be like, is that true?

You know, you know things and I don't know things.

Now I feel completely stupid to even for a second think that's how how did you like them apples began.

But maybe you did.

I made myself my wheatabix slash wheatbix because Australia has lost the vowel.

And unlike he in rejecting the porridge, I accept the wheat picks because I wanted it.

Interestingly, David Squires, the brilliant guardian cartoonist, has a food app and he messaged me, he put Wheatabix into the food app to check if you or I were right.

And it does get a tick under no hazardous substances, which feels positive for a foodstuff, doesn't it?

So thank you, David.

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Ian is cycling around the house.

He's got, he has three bikes.

So you have 18.

He's got two three-wheelers, pedals,

one red, one yellow.

We don't know where the yellow came from, but it's in our house now, and a red balance bike.

He's on the yellow pedal bike.

And I put a nappy on his head, and then he cycles into the living room.

And Jamie finds it very funny.

And, you know, it's just high spirits.

We're just having a great time.

Happy family.

It's an Instagram family.

We should be posting all of this stuff.

Is the match?

Because it is regarded by many as the greatest

two-legged series in the recent history of football.

Is it over at this point?

I'm doing quite when the ball's sort of in the center circle, I'm fast forward 10 seconds.

So I'm sort of getting up to date as it's going.

I think by extra time, I'm watching it at the same time that everyone else is watching it.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

This is what I think is happening.

Jay, Willie Rushton, is a bit sleepy.

So Jay takes him for a

nap walk and the game's finished.

So for my birthday, Ian Ian bought me a scooter.

Have I mentioned this?

Yeah.

I wasn't necessarily delighted about it, but actually, it's quite good.

So, Ian and I, Ian is on his balance bike, and I'm on my scooter, and we're just scooting.

We can go around the house, through the house, we can go together, we go separately, but we just do some scooting for about 10 to 15 minutes.

It's good for you.

Question:

It's getting nice here in the northern hemisphere.

In Ireland, it's been lovely.

Dingle was an absolute delight, but it's getting autumny, I would imagine, where you are.

Is it?

Yeah.

What are we talking about?

Are we talking shirt and a jacket?

We're talking cold mornings, radiators on, and then like, so you really dress up to go out, and then an hour later, it's like 25 degrees and you're completely overdressed.

That's where we're at.

So it's probably about

the late teens, early 20s, last couple of days.

A nice day yesterday.

I think there is some.

Is there some rain yesterday?

Maybe there's some rain.

I think there is some rain.

I can't remember if I've noted that down.

But anyway.

So Jay's taken willie uh i'm doing some scooting

young ian rushton's babysitter sophie arrives we like sophie she's great i then get on my bicycle i have one bike and i cycle to see dave the osteopath not for any work not for any remedial work he is all my neighbors none of my neighbors are australian citizens apart from frank and janet and they're away and i need it's a melting pot that we live in yeah but uh i need an australian because we are we need somebody to sign the forms for Willie Rushton's passport so that we can take him on an aeroplane to the United Kingdom in July.

Oh, great.

Wow.

Now,

the photos for this that you did send me, and he looks like,

I think there's some photos of like cockney three-year-old pickpockets from the 1920s.

He's, I, I hate to say this, but he's, he looks guilty.

Whatever it is.

Well, Ian, poor Ian.

ian yeah ian looks like he has killed maybe 25 people and really wanted to kill them and when they interview him he's just like i did it because i wanted to kill them and willie looks like his thick

you know sidekick who gets a reduced sentence on the grounds of diminished responsibility i think that is the only way you can say it this is so so uh Now, this isn't the first time that Dave has signed the forms, but we didn't sign enough of the forms.

So this rigmarole, like this is part two.

So, I get to his at eight o'clock.

He loves Italian football.

He doesn't want me to tell him the scores, right?

So, he's right.

So, I don't tell him the scores.

He signs what we think is right on both Willie and Ian's passport forms.

And then I go off to a cafe near Dave's, get myself a long black, really good coffee.

And

it was a big lorry pumping something in or something out

of a building opposite.

Yeah.

And the door wouldn't quite close.

Every time someone came in, they just didn't quite shut the door.

And so, twice I got up and sort of shut the door because the noise was a bit annoying.

Okay,

I didn't want to be that guy, yeah, you know, who's like constantly huffing and getting up.

So, I left it and I had to deal with the noise, it was okay.

But my coffee was great, I had a long black, it was lovely.

Did a lot of the pod script, you know, what a great game.

I'm in a really buoyant mood about the football because I mean, it's such a good football match, and

so that was really, really fun.

Dave joins me yesterday.

Just, you may have seen this online.

It happens once a week that someone responds to either an article you have written or one of your podcasts about football and tags me into it.

Yeah.

And so I've just taken it to being really rude.

So yesterday, Ralph

said, you'd, you put up

The Guardian article.

And

Ralph said, clearly the article should have been headlined, Are You Not Entertained?

Good, because

absolutely brilliant.

So, I respond because he tagged me in that on behalf of Max and all of my Guardian journalist colleagues.

You were barred from ever looking at the paper again.

Sorry,

just find it funny.

Keep it up, there's no reason to tag you.

Um, so Dave Cunns, and this is exciting moment for you know, for fans of the podcast and what they want.

He says, do you want another coffee?

And I say, you know, I don't.

You know what's coming.

Yeah.

I said, I don't really need one.

But yeah, go on then.

He's stopping for coffee.

He's a, he's a, you know, he's probably my, you know, my, him and his wife, Christy, my, my, my,

are they married?

Hmm, maybe just partner.

Either way, my two great friends in this

I've known for 20, 25 years.

I say, go on then, I'll have a, you know, he orders a cappuccino and I order a strong three-quarter flat wine.

It's just normal coffee.

It's just normal coffee.

So anyway, I go for a wee and as I come back, the barista is putting down a mug the size of a planet on the table, right?

But amazingly, before I even get there and Dave says nothing, she just goes, oh, this isn't right and takes it away.

And I'm like, oh, okay.

This is fun.

And then we, then the, literally, it's just over there.

I mean, it's literally, we're next to the coffee machine.

And she just goes, oh, you just want a strong three-quarter flat white.

I say, Yeah, yeah, strong three-quarter flat white, brilliant.

Great.

So, we're chatting away.

Then, and this has happened before, she arrives with a completely full flat white in a cup.

And she says,

This is a strong three-quarter flat white, right?

Now, Dave listens to the podcast, so he knows, and he also knows by now that it's my yesterday.

We both look at the coffee, I don't say anything because

you flip the table, you flip the table over, you get whatever the truck outside was you just get the whatever

jets

you just point it directly into the cap the cafe starts to fill with plop from the sewers

the thing is right i think it's right we're both looking at this coffee and it's totally full it's totally full like no there's like no question that this carpet is three corners it's just absolute gaslighting she must listen because she's just gone and like jamie said this before where someone has arrived with a full flat white and said, it's a three-quarter flat white.

It might not look three quarters, but it is.

And like, you can't argue when someone says that, but you're like, you're looking at it.

And it is, this is four quarters.

It is a strong four to a quarter flat white.

But the point is, I'm thinking, I can't,

you know, I can't.

I've been told, some of my friends have said, you've got to stop talking about the coffee.

Anyway, the cup isn't that big.

So what Dave is saying is, look, my cappuccino cup is bigger than your flat white cup.

If it was three quarters of this cup, that would fit as three quarters in this cup yeah i'm like yeah but this is this cup i have this cup and this is full but i don't i don't complain i just drink the coffee i find it very funny the coffee yeah you don't complain you don't complain at all you just carry on just like a rego normster

someone says this is a three quarter this is three quarters full and look i take you back earlier in the podcast I was right about the science with different melting points.

I'm right about this science.

This is not three quarters full.

It is 100% full.

It is four quarters full.

But that's okay.

We have a coffee.

Dave goes to work.

I've got to go to the supermarket to buy a few things.

Can't remember what avocado, cucumber, some nice granola, and

can't remember.

Yeah.

Then I'm to the post office for the second time with my passport forms.

I've got all the forms.

I've got my cardo's license.

I've got my passport.

I've got Jamie's passport.

I've got everything.

Now is the incident with the bee slash wasp.

Oh, yeah.

I stopped my bike in one of the, you know, where, you know, a little metal railing to park my bike.

And there's a wasp is instantly interested in the bike.

But I'm like, I sort of like, just, I'm, I'm not scared of wasps, but I don't like wasps.

Yeah.

It's not your first wasp, surely.

It's not my first wasp.

No, it's not my first waspio.

I, uh, and I, so I listen, I'm not angry about it.

I just sort of, you know, I gesture him away, like a little,

and then I go to lock my bike up.

And this guy, he is back.

And he's back at my, I'm in shorts, he's back at my legs.

He, uh, so I push him away again, he's back again, and so I have to like, so I'm like, I don't want to get stung by a wasp, I'm not interested, good content, but I'm not interested.

So I like, I run 20 yards down the road to get away from it.

No, yeah, and he doesn't follow me, I'm all right.

So I go back to the bike, then he comes back again.

Oh, shit.

So he's back again.

He's just all over me.

Like face, no, like face.

I don't want to get stung on the face.

I'm hosting the project tomorrow.

Like, I can't have a big, you know, bulging nose wasps thing.

Do you think controlling the news for Australia?

The bag of food do you think there's something in that that is very tempting for you

the open pot of jam that i've bought

withy the pooh you forgot yeah like winnie the food

i did they said at the end of my shopping edge and would you like to dunk your bag in honey and i said yes please and now now you mention it silly of me anyway eventually i i

cycle the bike 10 meters and lock it somewhere else further away from the post office because I'm afraid of of the boss.

He goes off on his merry way.

I get into the post office.

It's a very officious, but good man.

He's there on my, he's on my side.

You know, with these things, sometimes they're on your side, sometimes they're not.

He takes out all my thing and he says, do you have Willie Rushdon's birth certificate?

I say, I don't have it.

He says, there's nothing I can do.

I say, okay.

He says, is everything else right?

He's like, it's fine.

Everything else is fine.

But you need the birth certificate for Willie.

And I say, for Ian, who's already got a passport, I just want to update the photo because the photo was taken when he was three weeks old.

He looked nothing like it.

right?

He says, shouldn't be a problem.

No one cares.

So, baby, it's your baby.

Like, you don't need to change that passport.

I'm like, okay.

But I quite like to update the photo.

So, you know, because he looks like a, you know, looks like a stone cold killer, and that would be a good passport for people.

But surely there is a checklist at the very end.

You know, Australian bureaucracy tends to be very good with this stuff.

Like when you go into the country, they're like, show us health insurance, show us a return ticket, show us a visa or a visa waiver.

You know, like,

good question, and I haven't been through the checklist.

Okay, fine.

I cycle home.

I cannot find Ian's birth certificate for love and no money, but I've got Willie's, and that's the important one because he doesn't have a passport yet.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

So then it's a nap walk for Willie, and I take Willie to a different post office, the one in Northcote Plaza.

Because at Northcote Plaza post office, I have a man.

He did Ian's passport.

He's my man.

I get in the queue.

He's there by his desk.

He's served a customer.

I'm next in line.

Then then he walks he walks to the you know the door for the staff room and i just say oh you know i said shall i shall i sort of say oh hey mate because he's had a look at these forms before right because i didn't i didn't bring something else in last time can't remember what and he says i'm just on lunch and i'm heartbroken but i don't

i don't want the guy to know i don't want the guy to know of his lunch so i go back to the front of the queue The next booth comes free.

Oh, we don't do passports at this booth.

I'm like, okay.

Next booth.

Next booth comes We don't do passports here.

You have to wait for Daniel.

Daniel's on the right.

He's young, Daniel.

I'm nervous.

He's too young to really be good at this.

I'm wondering, he might not be on my side.

I would need someone on my side.

On my side, it really sounds like you're, I don't know,

it's the great escape or something, and you're trying to

get across the border into Switzerland.

There are some people with forms, they want you to have messed it up.

There are some people who are really just initial there.

That'll be fine.

We'll sort that.

It turns out Daniel's really good at this.

He's done it before.

It's not his first waspio when it comes to uh task ports and he doesn't notice that you've got david squires the guardian cartoonist to do a fake birth cert a really obviously

beautifully drawn fake one yeah willie's is fine and i basically say can we i've got a screen grab of ian's can you can you can we come to some sort of agreement here yeah i don't like i don't take out a 20 note but i'm a bit like you know that's good enough isn't it he won't have a bar of it i bet my guy would have done it but my guy's at lunch.

Yeah.

So

it's fine.

I get home.

Willie's woken up because his naps are really rubbish at the moment.

But that's okay.

Family home.

Jamie wants a jammy egg.

I make some jammy eggs.

And I, the secret to a jammy egg, would you like to know it?

I mean, hang on.

It's hard to keep track with that woman and her egg needs because the last conversation we had about her egg desires was she wanted a hard egg.

True.

She doesn't mind the yolk being

fedastic twats, anyway.

She doesn't mind the yolk being a damned job.

But you've noticed 20 episodes into this.

No, but like your egg, your egg, you know, it's a very personal thing.

She doesn't mind the yolk being jammy, but she just can't have any albumin.

And I'm with her on that.

The white has to be cooked.

You put the eggs in a pot that is already boiling for seven and a half minutes.

And when you take them out and you put them into a bowl of cold water, and that is the key to a jammy egg.

So hang on.

You're soft boiling eggs in shells here.

Correct.

Yes, correct.

Interesting.

I don't know.

It's just, it's something old-fashioned to it.

Whereas, you know, that I have the little boats that you float on the tempestuous ocean of boiling water.

And you put an egg with a tiny bit of butter into each one and they bob away.

I mean, obviously, if I was more skilled, I would do the swirly thing with the vinegar and the water.

But there's something so First World War about your method.

So you're poaching your eggs.

Yeah, but are you not sort of poaching them in the shells?

You're soft boiling them.

I'm boiling them.

Yeah.

Okay, fine.

Yeah.

I take E into the mechanics.

The Subaru has been telling me it has a lot of problems.

Every time I switch it on, it says, this tire's flat.

I want a new engine filter.

You need to change the oil.

I had a service two months ago.

I ring them.

I'd run them the day before to say, look, can I just bring you in?

They've said, fine.

Great.

So we arrive at the mechanics.

I take Ian.

Ian is absolutely over the moon.

Yeah.

And he is.

There are all sorts of cars that have been winched up about six feet, and he's running underneath all of them, ready to be crushed by a Mitsubishi star wagon or whatever it may be.

They famously love that in the mechanics.

A three-year-old just sprinting, jumping into the 10-foot deep hole that allows you to look under the car.

I'm pretty good.

I'm pretty good.

I'm not like, you know, isn't he cute?

Yeah.

Like, I try and keep him.

I try and shackle him a bit.

My question here is

the only time I've ever been in the Subaru, the Subaru had its full dashboard, but in the seat I was sitting in, which I think was the back because your wife was sitting in the front, I had my own fake steering wheel with a fake,

which you'd requested.

We found it strange, but we

I'm just wondering if those warning lights were on the real dashboard or the fake one because they'd be easy they'd be able to fix the fake one quick enough now interestingly the fake one uh does come into play later in the day um but uh it's not in the car anymore anyway there are uh i i i i wander in i just say oh i rang yesterday there's some problems with the car but you know I'm in no hurry.

And they say, oh, yeah, we'll be with you in a minute.

And there's like eight mechanics, it's clearly lunch break, sitting in a circle on their metal chairs, all just doom scrolling, eating sandwiches.

And so I'm like, okay, it's fine.

It's lunch break.

And actually, it's fine because Ian is having a great time.

We're just, I'm showing him lots of cart tyres and wheels and stuff.

Yeah.

It does take 15 minutes.

And I've sort of, I'm sort of thinking, this is, I don't mind, but I'm interested in how long it's, they are committed to their lunch break.

And good for them.

Until someone comes over and says, what?

Until someone comes over and take us.

Yeah.

So, but that's totally fine because Ian, this is, this is honestly, it's better than a soft play clay for Ian.

He's an absolute ball.

Then I put him in the boot and he loves being put in the boot.

So I shut the door.

He says, can you close me in the boot?

I say, yes.

It is, to be clear, a kind of, it's got a, it's not like,

it's not like a, you know.

You open the boot and take a Cadillac.

You take your two children out just before it's wedged up.

It's not like you can see, he can see out of the boot, is what I'm saying.

It's not like, it's not like an old sedan or whatever, that I'm just shutting him in the darkness as if i'd kidnapped him so we're getting in and out of the boot whatever someone comes over they're incredibly helpful what they tell me is even though the subaru has been serviced two months ago the subaru itself doesn't know it's been serviced right it's not sentient which is in a way reassuring so it's going it's about time for a tune-up so they're just pressing buttons and say it's all fine but then they say actually all your tires are fucked you need four new tires

all right i'll have four new tyres yeah how much are four new tyres David what do you reckon um

a hundred and fifty dollars each it's a six hundred dollar job plus VAT 700 big ones please Max higher higher really

$250

a tyre it's a thousand bucks a thousand bucks but I think these tires have probably not been changed since the car was first sent out on its merry way into the world in I think it's 2017 Subaru.

not buying a new car.

I'm not an idiot, David.

Especially what this Subaru's been through.

It's been through a lot.

It was stolen and then it came back.

Sometimes when I turn it on, on the DAS, it just says PTSD.

And I say, I understand.

I say, I understand, Subaru.

Okay, so the car's fire, you know, they pump up one of the tires that has a very slow puncture.

I've booked it in for next Thursday.

Maybe tomorrow will be the day before.

Don't know.

But that's all said in stone.

Ian and I then go to the plaza which is uh the northcote plaza which basically was i reckon it was built in 1992 and nothing has changed yeah since 1992 it's an extraordinary place with like thousands of 200 year old greek people drinking coffee and queuing outside the bank and it like it has these shops that just sell nothing and there's no way they should still be in existence unless they're fronts for all the drugs in melbourne i don't know but it is a it is a truly miraculous place.

And we're going to the reject shop to buy some A3 paper and some felt tip pens because we have an afternoon of drawing and coloring ahead of us.

So

what's the nature of the reject?

Generally, reject shops sell seconds, like they sell mugs where the handle is a little bit wonky.

But is this surely, you know, A3 paper is just...

Yeah, I think, yeah, it's not used.

It hasn't been used, that's for sure.

It's just selling new stuff cheaply.

And can I predict what happens here?

You get to the counter.

Everyone's gone on their lunch.

Oh, my God.

This is

awful.

Ian finds the Hot Wheels matchbox car section.

Yeah.

And he wants a car.

Right.

And I've decided this is the moment to teach him the value of money.

And I say, we're not getting a car.

I'm still, we're not in a hurry.

I've got nothing to do.

I'm sitting on the floor with him.

We can look at all the cars, but we're not going to get a car.

And so he looks at this, looks at this, and then he has his heart set on a motorbike.

We have that exact motorbike at home, although he has pulled off the handlebars.

I say, I'm not going to buy it.

He says, Well, I'm going to buy it.

And I say, Well, he says, I tell him he doesn't have any money because he doesn't have any money.

Uh,

he's three.

And so eventually he's uh, he walks to the counter with it.

And I say, Look, we're not going to buy it.

And he's like in a pretty good mood.

He understands, in pretty good mood.

Then we get to the counter and I say to the man, we're not going to buy this.

We buy these A3 paper and these felt it pens.

And then basically the grieving begins, and the tears come immediately, and they're like falling off him like a Hollywood movie.

It's like you can't cry like this, it's amazing.

Yeah, he's so sad, but but from what I've read from Instagram reels, once you've made a decision, you have to stick to your decision.

So, you know, I want him to understand the value of money, so I'm like, this is what we're gonna do.

Wow, um,

so little peak performance vibes here from this is the moment you need to learn to invest, son.

And he's like, I'm three.

Yeah.

He's got loads of toys.

He's already got this exact toy.

Anyway, we get home.

He's totally fine.

It's half past three.

It feels like midnight.

I take Willie for a nap walk at four.

He doesn't have a nap.

This is a disaster for bedtime for Jamie.

I get home at five.

Pods at 10 past five.

I get him down on the bed with minutes to spare.

This is a very exciting moment.

I tiptoe out.

Oh, on the nap walk, I have a phone call with my agent about whether I can get to the Club World Cup in New York.

I'm worried about what I've tweeted about in the past, and will ICE string me up?

I don't want that to happen.

So, hang on.

The Club World Cup is for the first time ever, the best clubs in the world are going to come together and play in a tournament that no one really cares about.

And in the era of players playing too many football matches, it just seems like, why have you added more football matches to the giant bin of football matches?

Yeah.

And on Football Weekly, we have been saying, you know, we don't need this.

And now if we do go, it's going to be like, you know, Alan Parcher is going, can I shock you?

I like wine.

But no, we're going as a dress rehearsal because we're going to go to do the World Cup next year.

And we just want to see how it all works.

But the logistics are a nightmare because I might have to.

fly back to Melbourne to pick up Jamie and then literally that day fly to London, which would be 48 hours on a plane.

And oh, wow.

As Jamie said you should just record your yesterday after that because i would be dead

also while i'm on the walk i do listen to cigar ross and since we talked about it i listened to it quite a lot and it does inspire

that one feel i can do anything honestly i put it on and i think i can do anything i've got a screaming baby in front of me whatever it is and i'm just like I could change the world.

And so I listened to, I have that on a loop.

Sometimes I listen to it twice or three times.

And I recommend it to anybody.

Yeah.

Interruption.

When footballers arrive in the stadium, they always have headphones on when you see the shot of them coming off the bus.

But and they're listening to whatever their motivational version of that song is.

But I love to always listen.

Imagine that they're listening to an audio guide of a tour of the stadium.

Just

in 1976.

Yeah.

Anyway, I do football weekly, which is a joy because the game is so wonderful.

I go back inside.

Jamie has reimagined yesterday's meatballs.

So I eat them with spaghetti and a crusty roll while chatting to Ian.

He's being a taxi driver with the steering wheel that you've used.

And I'm on the sofa and he's driving me around as a taxi driver.

And then he says, emergency, and he gets out.

And then he has to fix my leg with a key.

Yeah.

Anyway.

Tires.

It's a callback to the tires thing from earlier.

Yeah, yeah, you're probably right.

Jamie has the leaking potato soup she made last week.

It's what we call dinner time, every man for himself.

So we all just eat the bits, eat whatever's.

I then come in back into the shed where you can see me now, and I record an episode of What Did You Do Yesterday with a Brilliant Comedian.

Oh, yeah,

yeah.

And that takes me to, I don't know,

about nine, nine: thirty.

By the time we finish gassing on, they always go on too long, those episodes, don't they?

I like these ones.

I

walk into the house, brush my teeth, do a wee, take my clothes off, get a glass of water, lie in bed, open the squerdle, get one word in the squirdle.

Willie Rushton makes a tiny noise.

I can't be responsible for waking up when I've got into bed.

I just throw my phone on the floor and I go to sleep.

How soon after the end of the episode of What did you do yesterday?

Are you conked?

Because I definitely have a buzz after this.

Like, I know we have different times, but I will sit in the garden now and just take the sun on my face for a few minutes and be like oh that was a bit of a laugh hope people like that one now yeah well when i when i do this i get no buzz

no i do i know that's i um i don't know like i'm obviously i got up at four o'clock that morning to do a poo and now it's half past nine so like i'm you know like i have a tiredness within me and i've always had that that means i can but i know what you mean like some if i come off air at really late when the clocks are different and it's half past midnight or whatever I am like, oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I normally like to do the squaredle.

That's what takes me from this world to that world.

Got it.

But I don't have, I just can't on this occasion.

But I'd probably lie there for a bit.

But as we've established, I'm too simple to need anything to help me go to sleep.

Once I'm horizontal, I'm so happy about it.

Great.

And I know that I've got to get up at five o'clock the next morning to watch Arsenal Paris and Germain.

Oh, my goodness.

You know, so yeah, after sleep.

For the circularity of this day, it'd be really nice if the wasp flew back into your bedroom again and just stung you just as you were dozing off right on the end of my nose it made a big like cartoon like

like a like a hot spot from strike it lucky

our references are so fucked

what is a hot spot not a good spot there you go of course it is

What a lovely day.

Ready, if you'd like to get in touch with the podcast, here's how.

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidoudo yesterdaypod at gmail.com.

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And if you didn't, please don't.

Well, that's it.

Thanks, Say.

Thanks, David.

Thanks for listening to my yesterday, your yesterday next week.

Yeah, I don't think you...

I mean, there was some frustration in that yesterday with the people and their bloody lunches, but I did notice you were very charming about your relationship.

That was noted.

What a nice guy.

Well, I had a lot of vim.

I was in high spirits.

And I love my wife.

Let's be clear for the tape.

Jamie, I love you.

All right.

All right, folks.

Thank you very much.

Thanks, Max.

Hey, everything is so biz.

Hello, Max Rushton here.

You might remember me from Series 9, Episode 2 of Parenting Hell.

I'm here to tell you about Dog by the Bakery Door, the debut children's book by author Jamie Bruce.

Dog by the Bakery Door is a charming story of the magical things a little boy sees on a normal trip to get a coffee with his mum.

Perfect for newborns, three-year-olds, six-year-olds, all children.

Just Google Dog by the Bakery Door.

Here's a review from my three-year-old son.

Dog by the Bakery Door.

I have this book.

Full disclosure: the author might be his mother and my wife, but even more reason to buy it.

She has to live with us and a baby 24-7 and has sacrificed her career for mine while also being an amazing mum to two boys.

Thank you, goodbye.