WDWDY #17: A confession from David...

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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many.
I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough.
Politics, business, sport, you name it.

There's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.
Why is that? Are they scared?

Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
We'll try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?

That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.
Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushton.
And I'm David O'Daugherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Hi, everybody. Welcome to Midweek Mayhem episode Who Knows and Who Cares, frankly, because David O'Doherty is here.

And David, we have to start on a very serious note, a note that I think will shock and probably upset a lot of the audience. Will I just read it?

You've written a statement, so I guess you should, yeah. I'm reading it off the notes app on my phone to the listeners.

Yeah.

Dear, what did you do yesterday, family?

It's time for me to be honest. I have enjoyed making these podcasts very much.
The many catchphrases it has spawned will stay with me forever.

If it didn't happen yesterday, we don't want to know. It's a shitty box of unmade food for stupid idiots.
And they're just normal cheeses.

It's the final one of these that I would like to speak to now.

Since Christmas, the global family of what did you do yesterday listeners have been trying to guess the five cheeses I bought for the O'Daherty family Christmas dinner in a game called Curdle slash master rind slash who wants to be a millionaire.

In trying to guess the cheeses, I've been encouraging listeners to think inside the box. They're just normal cheeses, Max.
They're just normal cheeses.

Cashel Blue, Manchego, Comte, Goat, the unguessed final cheese. Just normal cheeses.

There have been learnings along the way, like when I said Chevrole wasn't one of the cheeses, but then revealed that French goat was. I will never make that mistake again.

And now we reach another stop along my learning journey. This week I was cheese browsing in the supermarket feeling a little thrill each time I spotted a cheese from our game.

Cashel Blue, look at it there with this little picture of a farmhouse in Tipperary.

Goat, with a little picture of a goat?

Manchego, a little picture of a sheep? What the fuck? I felt the floor drop away and super value began to spin. Super value is the name of the supermarket.

I had presumed that Manchego came from a flabby Spanish cow called something like Ethmeralda, happily munching wiry grass in a field in Andalusia or on the quiet side of Ibiza.

It's just a normal cheese. These are just normal cheeses.
Then I see this picture of a sheep. I check my phone.
Manchego. My hands are shaking.

I see a picture of the sheep, maybe called Lucia, on a farm close to the Camp New Estadion. La Manchego es un queso di oveja.

You see our final unguested cheese is also a sheep's cheese. And I've been waiting for someone to say sheep's cheese.

And then curdle will be over and you can give away the yellow Nissan micro filled with cheese that's been stinking up your drive, Max. But now I learned that we already have a sheep's cheese.

So we're going to need a more specific name for our final cheese to put in the simplest way. The final cheese is not a normal cheese.
I'm sorry.

Have you. I'm sorry, Max.
No, listen, we podcast as a team and we make mistakes as a team. Yeah.
I think it's fair to say this mistake was more your mistake than my mistake. Yes.

But when you sent me, because I didn't know what any of the cheeses were, when you sent me a picture of what the final cheese is, my instant reaction was, the one thing I know about this cheese is it is not a normal cheese.

Have we or should we employ one of those crisis PR companies that, you know, like sort of states that are committing war crimes do? Do you think it's at that level? What I foresee now is

even though this podcast won't be released immediately as we're recording recording it, when I go out in a minute to go and get a coffee, there'll be paps outside.

I'll have to read another statement to them. The Helen Copter standing a little bit behind you, ashamed, but standing by your side for this moment of madness.

She's come out and made the paps like cups of tea just in the naive hope that they're not going to absolutely do us in the press tomorrow.

So when you informed me and when we realized it wasn't the final cheese is not a normal cheese,

which makes the catchphrase they're just normal cheeses except the fifth one. Yeah.
It doesn't roll off the tongue as well, but we can work with it. I had two theories.

One, we just declared this season of curdle null and void. We obviously start again on Boxing Day 2026 after the

cheese board. But I think we can carry on playing.
We'll obviously play today and today's guesser, when we get to it, is at a disadvantage because they thought it was a normal cheese.

But from next week, obviously, people will go with not a normal cheese. And we've got four.
It's a one-cheese board. It's not a normal cheese.
The game still has, I think, integrity of a sort.

I don't know if the cheese has integrity because I've never eaten this cheese because it's not a normal cheese. No, it's not a normal.

I feel particularly bad for Will, who came to my gig and Athlone three nights ago with this beautiful t-shirt that he had made, which is so great. It says, Today is tomorrow, it's yesterday.

There's a picture of a cheese board with five cheeses on it, but they are normal cheeses. You can clearly see.

It says, Everything is showbiz and curse of writing under it. And then what did you do yesterday? Hashtag W-D-Y-D-Y.
It's amazing. It's amazing.
It is a genuine first piece of merch. Yeah.

So I apologize to Will. Yeah.
Sorry, Will. And look, we will take your reaction, of course.
Live reaction. You can text the show 87641.

You can get to me on X or Blue Sky, and we'll be reading those live as they come in. Or you can call.

081-811-8181.

How many of those from your 40 years of broadcasting for six hours a day? I bet you have so many just numbers in your brain. Yeah, I think Talksbook changed the phone number once.

It went from 08717 to 03717. And honestly, the whole phalanx of TalkSport presenters could not do it for months.
Just absolutely couldn't do it. This is too big a change.

From an eight to a three, you can't expect grown adults to get that right. Anyway, we'd love your feedback on that.

And we will be having a game of curdle because they're just normal cheeses except the last cheese. Dear, I'm so sorry.
Lindsay writes, hi, Max and David. We're moving on.

In the latest midweek mayhem, you joked about having listeners message David on Blue Sky to remind him to spritz his mushrooms.

I took this too seriously and coded up a little bot to do this, which is... Fucking hell, I've seen this.

It's called Mushroom Spritz Pot. And three times a day

it contacts me to remind me to spritz the mushrooms. I'd say it may be the most harmless bot on social media.
I think we have to accept that.

It's currently set up to message David three times a day with a friendly reminder.

I was feeling good about this, having had a little fun with one of my favorite podcasts and learned something new along the way until I found David's Blue Sky profile and saw the picture he posted of his mushroom bag.

Then I felt a bit sick and itchy all over. Yeah.
Because it looks, honestly, it looks like it's going to take over the world. Yeah.
Like it's absolutely terrifying.

Max, it's not going well. Really? It's not going well.
This was going to be our ongoing feature when Curdle finished. Fortunately, now Curdle won't finish for months because it's not a normal cheese.

But what's wrong with the kilo of oyster mushrooms? So I contacted the mushroom butcher who created the bag initially.

And he said, basically, oh, you didn't put it in a cupboard, did you?

It has to be out of the light. It has to be in a constant temperature of 13 degrees, but it needs circulating.
So the mushroom butcher is Aussie, and I will now read you.

So basically, it stopped growing and they turned mutant into sort of like they were turning into spaghettis. Okay.
The mushroom butcher has said, I'll give you a free one.

I do not want that mushroom butcher. These ones look kind of like a ransom photo.
This is his, he's Aussie, so I'll do it.

These ones look kind of like a ransom photo you'd send to a parent. We've got little Timmy in a dark cupboard and the oxygen's running out.

Drop 10K in a bag of unmarked 50s at the spire at midnight if you ever want to see him breathing again.

He's funny. The mushroom butcher's funny.
He's really funny. We should find out what he did yesterday, shouldn't we? I have a fair idea what he did yesterday.

He said they don't mind a little light. We go 12 hours on, 12 hours off.
They don't photosynthesize, but a little light helps them know which way to grow.

So he said they'll probably still continue to grow, but just very weird looking. Okay.

I'm not sure i want this because frankly we shouldn't body shame the mushrooms they are just who they are you know let them be max i don't know if i want to

helencopter is fully on board with eating the fungal spores yeah that we've been growing in a cupboard i however have heard one too many tales of elephants dying because they eat one wrong mushroom.

Yeah.

The thing is, I think they look disgusting. But if you just put them in a box with a little recipe in it and sent them to me, I'd be all over that shit.

Anyway, thank you to Lindsay in Nashville, Tennessee, for setting up the bot. That's where the bot is coming from, Nashville.
Cara says, Hi, David and Max.

Just had to share some delightful synchronicities that occurred while I was listening to the Champignon's League today.

While David was describing spritzing his kilo of mushrooms, I was in the midst of spritzing my orchids.

And as he described the making and eating of chicken pasta, I was eating my lunch of leftover chicken parmesan.

And then, to blow my mind even more, David talked about the love of my life, Pierce Brosnan, whom I had just watched in two episodes of Mobland the night before.

You may wish to check it out if only to confirm your gentle critique of his attempt at an Irish accent. That aside, he's a total dream boat.

Thank you, David, for mentioning the greatest television series of all time, Remington Steele.

If there had been any note of disdain, I would have had to stop listening to What Did You Yesterday, which would be a true shame. Close brackets.
Love you guys, Cara in Canada. Thank you, Cara.

Very kind of of you so i've received a lot of feedback this week max from our joel domet episode oh yeah and what's interesting about this is all of the feedback was from joel dommit

he had responded to every single person I plugged it on my Facebook page. I plug it on all platforms.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Joel had responded to every single person.

I'm very impressed with your profile and personality. I mean, isn't that just classic, Joel? I also admire your good sense of humor.
Now, interestingly, he spent humor in the American way.

Right, okay. But this is special stuff.
He says, I don't normally write in the comment section, which is a funny thing to say because he has responded to every single person in the comment section.

But I think you deserve this compliment. I'd like to be your friend.
Kindly send me a friend request. If you don't mind, thanks.
Wish you all the best. Joel Domet.

Did Lindsay in Nashville set up a Joel Domet bot as well? Is that what happened?

Yeah, and I have to go over three times a day and spritz Joel Domet.

Ashling says, there's a real chance on the Joel Domet

and Max, that's me, love triangle, there's a real chance here that we could crash the Daily Mail website, looking up that article about Max and Miss 90210.

What an unexpected upside to today's part, part, she says. And David says, Jesus, I've been sat outside the gym for 10 minutes because I'm not willing to leave the Lee Ryan 90210 actress story.

And yes, of course, I've gone into a wormhole and found the original Daily Mail article that Max references. I will have to leave a one-star review as none of it happened yesterday.
I agree.

I felt unclean as that story was being told, David.

You know, you contain multitudes, Max.

And I'm learning all the time about these different eras. Like, who knows what's next? You were a Formula One driver for a while in the late 90s.
Who knows what is coming yet?

I liked a couple of five-star reviews that we got. And I don't really like reading out compliments, as you know.

This one two days ago said, I thought this pod would get boring after a while, but so far, delivering a big five. But the subject line is DOD and the AI radio guy.

Just generic, the generic AI radio guy. And Steve says, perfectly mundane.

max and david bring a light-hearted energy to the most mundane days in multiple comedians lives they're incredibly witty and i for one love max for his boring energy

how do i take that he loves it how does he take that

Do I emit boring energy? Boring energy. Oh my.
I'm writing that down down just so it's always written on this test.

The next thing he says is like very complimentary, so I don't want to read it out. He says, the best podcast since other podcasts.
Thank you. Keep up the great boring energy.
Fantastic. Five stars.

Now we move, David. Do we have enough time before Curdle, the now defamed Curdle? Oh, no.
Let's go to World Bin News. Bins of the World.
That's great.

Hello, Maximilian. And David, I think spelt in the Irish way, D-A-I-T-H-I.
Deity. Yeah.
Dahi.

On the subject of bins of the world, please find, attach, some visual evidence of the rather futuristic bin collection system in the exotic lands of Pamplona, Spain. Wow.

Bin chutes built into the exterior walls of buildings activated by card, into which you chuck your rubbish. Can't envisage ever going back to the dark ages of private bin lorries.

On another note, I had a revelation while listening to the Jess Napat episode earlier today. Max's panic about getting through the day could quite easily be avoided in the following manner.

Start each episode by asking for the guest for a start and end time to their day, thus ridding both presenters and listeners of this time-based anxiety.

Now, I know what he means, because, you know, I'm getting a bit annoyed, especially with a warm dinner, a full table, peace of mind for every family. That's the holiday we all wish for.

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Interruption from you when it's an hour 50. It's like 2 a.m.
where I am.

You're asking another question about the make of Hessian of their rug. But

I don't want to know that before it starts. I I don't want time codes.
You know, it's like people who ask in football for a clock. No, I want the injury time board.

I want that moment where I go, where did the how much? What? Yes. Yes.

I just don't want anything to disturb your boring energy.

Thank you so much. Anyway, that was from Agponus Mupley,

a minor Harry Potter character.

May all your yesterdays light fools the way to dusty death,

they say.

Gents, as a fellow Irishman and long-term Barcelona resident, I can say they have fabulous bins.

Boring energy. This is from Barry.
Every street has a very large glass, organic, paper, tin, and regular bin that you drop your rubbish off in from your flat, and they're emptied every night.

I think Barcelona may be the pinnacle of binness. Keep doing what you do.
Makes people happy, says Barry. We should go there.
But come on. Re Pamplona's bins.
Re the bins of Pamplona. Yeah.

Which is another one of my albums from the... So that was a John Le Carrie, wasn't it? Was that a Le Carrey?

Would it be possible to have a chute leading from your apartment into a skip and not sort of Michael J.

Fox Ferris Bueller style to go down it every single day, then just knock a single banana off your shoulder and then go to school on your electric skateboard?

I think the issue would be, if I think about the state of the three bins that I have, you definitely want to go in the recycling chute, which is the safest of the chutes.

Like general rubbish, which ours is full of shitty nappies, is only the second worst because the green bin, when I open my green bin, the amount of

flies.

Like it's so disgusting. So, you know, like you, it gets cleaned every once a fortnight or it gets collected.
And then you think, okay, this Monday, I'm going to take some bleach to this bin.

But then, you know, and I don't have anything better to do, but I have better things to do. I just look at it and I close it and I think, I'll do it in two weeks.

And I think if you got in that bin, you'd be dead within five minutes. Yeah.
I think you would die. I think even two minutes.
I think it's so toxic.

I sometimes just leave it in the middle of the street, just, or just on the like the grass bit, just to be a bit away from our house, just so the ants go that way.

So don't get in the green shoot. I mean, we return to an occasional topic of this podcast, which is disposing of bodies.

Do you think we could pop someone in that bin and the flies mixed with the whatever the chemical processes are, they'd be done in an hour? I think it would be, and I've used this reference before.

If you put it in, it would crumble as quickly as the man who drank from the wrong grail in Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail.

That's how quick, you know, like his temples would implode, then his eyes would pop out, he'd rattle a bit, and then he'd be dust.

It would be a different end to the movie if there was just the green bin from number number 14.

And then the end is when you and Ian Rushton stand out, as you love to do, to watch the magic arm come out of the bin lorry and turn it upside down where you then see

the Nazi or whoever he was just getting sent to the dump. I don't remember this, but it's date specific.
Hi guys, I'm very excited to hear. This is interesting.

Today is, we're recording on the 15th of April and it's not going out until a week's time.

I'm very excited to hear that on my birthday each year, says Jane, the 15th of April, I can now imagine David packing away his special trousers for the summer.

I hadn't realized I was born on the first day of shorts. Good to know.
I don't remember this bit, but that's exciting. So is today the day of shorts? Are you in shorts?

Well, it's been really nice here in Dublin.

In fact, there were days because I have friends in Melbourne at the moment for the comedy festival where you are, Max, where I would check the temperature there.

And there were a few days where we were similar.

Yeah. And now today it's gone back cold again.
So

let's just say if I had taken the shorts out, I would have put them back today.

Big fan of the pod, says Anthony. You've asked a fair few times about what people do when they're listening to this.

And while I've never been tempted to send an email after listening to what did you do yesterday, number eight, I felt I had to.

I work as a survey manager for a company specializing in surveying for the renewal of the railway based in Perth, Western Australia. Yes.

I just thought it was such a crazy coincidence that as I was driving in my ute from the town of Karata, south inland, 200 kilometers or so, that you two guys started discussing utes.

It felt like a glitch in the matrix to me or some sort of ute seption. Thanks for creating this podcast.
I absolutely love it.

Thank you, Anthony, and your ute driving through the desert of Western Australia. To listeners

not from Australia, they won't know what a ute is. I know everyone knows a ute.
Everyone knows a ut. They don't know.
When I got to Australia the first time...

Do you ever tell me about my first first day in Australia, Max? It was 2003. I was in Adelaide.
They just put up the tents for the Adelaide fringe. I was talking to a rugged Aussie man,

and the possums were agitated because there were suddenly loads of tents in the trees, the field where they lived. This one ran down

a tree, was heading towards another tree, and ran directly towards the man I was talking to, ran up his.

So a possum is a large squirrel. Yeah.
And I need to also say, in the 20 odd years I've gone back to Australia, nothing like this has ever happened.

But remember, this is the first night in Australia, and I'm jet lagged.

A freaking like jumbo puppet squirrel runs up a man's legs, gets to his chest head, realizes he's not a tree, turns round and runs off.

And the man memorably was like, oh, fuck off, mate, and just went back to talking to me again. And I was nearly, take it home, please.

Please, can I not be here anymore?

I remember like when I started, when I moved here, and you know, the Football Weekly and Talksport were like, look, we're really happy for you to carry on, but like, don't become Australian.

Don't make the show about your life in Australia because, you know, it's pissing down with rain in Scunthorpe. They just don't want to hear.
I was on the beach all day.

So I was trying to avoid Australian references.

And then the day of my first talksport show, my boss on Channel 9 couldn't make it into work because they'd found a snake in his car that they couldn't remove. I was like, well, I cannot use this.

Anyway, more feedback, please, for next week. Thank you.
And now it is time for the now disgraced Curdel Master Rind.

Oh, Mike.

Five.

four

three

two

one

I've got cheese! This is Dave!

Interestingly, A.B. Chapman's Boot says, I'm starting to think the fifth cheese isn't a normal cheese, you know.
Mitch in Ohio says, Hi to Max and David, big fan of the show.

And for the record, among the listeners to come via Max and Football Weekly, I'm reaching out due to the title of the recent midweek mayhem episode, The Champignon's League.

As it happens, I work professionally with speciality cheeses so naturally assumed from the title of the episode that the infamous cheese board had been completed champignon is the name of a german cheese producer only at the end of the pod when it became clear the origin of the episode title came from the proposed name for a group of guests at david's theoretical marriage to a giant oyster mushroom did i realize this is a

coincidence however it does raise the point that just normal cheeses may be a fairly relative statement casual blue and compter are pretty specific whereas Goat is almost comically vague.

Anyway, I hope the game goes on with one cheese remaining until at least next holiday season. So, round two may begin seamlessly.
Absolutely right.

We really want it to end the week before Christmas, don't we? Thanks for all the comfortable distraction from the chaos of the world. Mitch.
It's time for Curdle, Master Rind.

What did you fondu yesterday?

Mark the Brea Millionaire discredited edition. Yes, David.
Do you want to hear the saddest sound you've ever heard?

i know what's coming

it's interesting this week is the turn of our husband and wife joe and dan hi david and max producer masbar the reason i'm emailing is because of a recent midweek mayhem episode in which david pondered the spelling of his frankly incredible catchphrase buzzer impression and mentioned that there is a transcript for the podcast to which max responded which poor bastard is transcribing this well

I'm the kind of poor bastard that transcribes things like this as I've been a TV subtitler for almost 20 years.

I used to subtitle live TV, and I reckon I must have subtitled Max on Soccer M at some point during the glory years.

You'd remember every, you'd remember the episode. You'd be like, oh, it was David Bentley.

In a Bentley.

Yeah, David Bentley. Listening to Bentley Rhythm Ace.
Thank you. There's the bit.

As David said on the episode, the transcript for this podcast is AI generated, and it's hit and miss in terms of quality. It labeled the cheese game as Master Ryan Curdle.

Sounds like a League Two player, doesn't it? Place for Peterborough. We need to find him, Ryan Curdle.
Yeah.

And it was left to Ryan Curdle to sweep up at the back posts for a share of the spoils for Peterborough. It also does manage to get the Helencopter right, which I was quite impressed with.

I decided to have a look and see how it coped with the infamous buzzer, and the answer was a pretty dull buzzering.

In my professional opinion, this completely fails to encompass the depth and intricacy of David's impression. If I was transcribing this, I'd go for something like

bougering.

Doesn't help, does it? Just because I'm just saying it. Someone now has to transcribe that.
That's getting very meta now. This is the tale of James Joyce, I think, when he was writing Ulysses.

Someone was like,

how would today's writing go? And he said, I wrote one word. And the word was, he wanted the sound of the waves coming in on Sandy Mountain Strand, which was like splish-willish loshlish.

You know what I mean? So this is bazuring is not dissimilar to that, James Joyce. I'm pretty sure that wasn't the first comparison of this podcast to the works of James Joyce.

I think in the bourgeoisie circles, that's what they're talking about at the moment. Buzzuring to represent the richness and vocal complexity of the sound that David manages to achieve.

Speaking of the legendary cheese board, it'd be foolish of me not to throw my hat into the ring at this point, or my husband's hat, since it's actually his guess. So,

here are his guesses. I will just say, he says, My husband is convinced that bleep is exactly the right level of normal cheese for the festive cheese board.

And although I'll never hear the end of it, if he's right, I really hope he's nailed it and gets a bougering of his own. All the best, Joe, and Dan, who provided the cheese guess.

Then he says, Okay, here are the guesses thing:

Cashel Blue, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing,

Manchego. Bing, bing, bing, bing.

Goat. Bing, bing, bing, bing.

Cobter.

Bing, bing, bing, bing.

Rockfour.

Yeah, I mean, it's a terrible guess. It's not even a sheep's cheese.
Well, I don't think it's. I have no idea, but you should know that.
If you'd been listening at the top of the episode, Joe and Dad.

I think that's the bit more than any other where I think about my next-door neighbors like hearing. Like, they have no context for what I'm doing here.

They just know. I think they work from home some days a week.
What does he do? He's a comedian.

And then some days he goes to his basement and goes, Bing, bing, bing, bing, ping, bing, bing, bing, ping, bing, bing, bing.

Thank you, Joe and Dan. I sort of feel for you, given the situation with the game.
PS Live subtitling is mostly done by voice recognition, which can lead to some odd mishears.

One of my personal favourites was when I said Sir Alex Ferguson, but the subtitle came out as Ceramics Ferguson. To this day, Sir Alex is still known as ceramics in my house.

Okay, it is your yesterday, David. Yeah, which in a way is a shame because I actually did some things yesterday, but we can't talk about that.
Oh, Mike. Well, it's possible they could overlap.

Never know.

My day, it's a Monday. Yep.
It begins at 8 a.m., which is late.

And it begins with the helencopter placing a tray before me. And on it is some mushrooms of death.

Some freshly made coffee. And

a sort of a thing with granola in it and Greek yogurt and chopped up banana. You're so honeymoon period.
I know you've been together. I don't know how many years you've been together.
Not this again.

I need to wake up tomorrow morning and make Jamie some breakfast. It's just making me feel like we're at the same place as you guys.

Max wakes once again with piss dripping from the ceiling on top of his head. Day 307, and I haven't left this house.

I have been up phenomenally late. I've been up till 3 a.m.
Oh, yeah, you were sending pictures of Guinness in a pub. Nope, that is outrageous.

I can't go into why, but hopefully it will come up over the course as to why I was up so late. But I unfortunately wake up unable to remember who I am.

My body.

Yeah, I have to go into my phone and find a selfie of myself just the hope that it rekindles something. I have this catchphrase where I say, I'm just waking up.

As I shovel more banana goat into my face, Helencopter, because the whole operation is late, goes straight to work, leaving me a man who doesn't know who he is or why he is on whatever this planet is, alone in the house.

Right. Lying in your own feces.

But you don't know what feces is, so there's nothing you can do.

Just buzzing confusion around me. I wake up.
The coffee wakes me up.

And Helencopter has said there is no food in the house. So I will go to Little.

Now, Little is, I guess most of our listeners probably know, maybe our American listeners don't know. It's a slightly chaotic German supermarket chain that there's one quite near me.

And it's about the unexpected as much as anything. And can I tell you this, Max? The Little is almost entirely empty.
I mean which sort of adds to the dreamlike state I'm in. As in of people or stock?

Stock full. Stock full.
Virtually no people in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I make the utterly chaotic decision when entering the shop, there is a coffee machine in Little. Wow, okay.

And they're not going to make me my coffee, are they? Let's be real. This machine.
I'd be complaining about this machine.

It would be the ultimate hipster move for me to say it was the best coffee I've ever had and then insist that all coffees in future are got from a chaotic German supermarket.

And I set off on this journey. I really enjoy it.
It's not often you enjoy a trip around a supermarket. But again, to our listeners who may not know, these supermarkets have a middle aisle section.

And for the first time ever, I buy five things in the house. Oh, well.
Can I guess? A canoe. Like, honestly, if we weren't still doing Master Ride, this could be the next one of these things.
Well,

i'm just saying i'm just saying maybe keep it under your hat because i'm interested in the middle aisle from middle david o'doherty's little middle i mean who's not here for little middle with david o'doherty actually i think i've made a mistake here i think it's leadle i think someone once said it's brad friedle and don cheadle the actor and the x-spurs goalkeeper.

You want to say what you got? You can guess. You can try to guess some of the items.

They're pretty off-piece yeah but five things but they weren't because you can you know you can buy you know like a set of carry cases or like a deck chair but i just don't you know you're walking right you've walked a little haven't you you know you're carrying these home yeah okay you've bought um

five things

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Have a great day. Come on, Mike.

Clock alarm.

Windsurf. You've bought a water pistol.
You've bought some balloons. And you've bought some comedy fake glasses.

Oh my goodness. I bought a jug that has scales in the bottom of it.

So you can put whatever item

And

Helen's like, Why did you buy that? We basically have that already when she saw it that evening, like, no joy whatsoever. I bought a product called Tea Cut,

which is a car polishing lotion

that I think has a slight abrasion in it that basically removes one layer of paint.

You're only supposed to use it once or twice in your car's lifetime, but I use it on bikes sometimes to get scrapes out of it. I bought a a hand sander

with the sand refills. Well, you do need to sand your door down occasionally, don't you? So I know that.
Thank you. Also, my sister's table has candle burns in it.

And I think this is exactly the thing I need to get those out of it. Interesting.
I bought three water filters. Okay.
And I mean, you were never going to guess this one.

I bought a box of assorted washers.

Like, basically, it's a lifetime's worth of. By washers, I mean, when you're doing nut and bolt and you need something else,

if you ever need a washer, and I extend this to all of the listeners, if you ever need a washer, I have a big box of washers. Live show at the Hattie Empire.
Everyone will get a washer on their chart.

The washer is one. Like, I don't know.
I think the helicopter is not very materialist, so she doesn't enjoy me coming back with this bag of users

I've got to say right when someone says they're not very materialistic I think like she doesn't want like a Gucci bag or like a posh car like a box of washers you don't go oh god they're so vulgar next door see look all the washers they've got

While walking around Leidle, like Brad Friedel and Don Cheadle,

I am sent a photo of Max Rushton from a variety of angles with a delicious pint of ale in front of him from Nish Kumar. Yes, you did.
Who is in Melbourne at the moment and gets to hang out with you?

Yeah. We went for three to four pints.
Wow.

And it was fun. You hanging today? I'm not hanging.
I did get a bit sad at about four. You know, I'm molded, as Jamie would say.
It was a long day with the kids. I couldn't see the end.

I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I was sad.
And when I get sad, I just say, why don't we just have more help?

Like, I know these are our children, but just like two hours a day, like just someone takes them away and I can just have a little lie down.

We met at a lovely pub called The Standard. We had two pints and then we said, let's get some food.
You know, I flirted with the Himalayan lamb curry and him with the barramundi.

and then we both set on a chicken palmer because that's what you get when you're in a pub in melbourne so i went at 8 36 and i ordered two chicken palmas and he said the kitchen's closed and i was like this is very early for a kitchen to be closed it is a monday night so then we were like okay well let's finish these and go somewhere we looked on google maps because it was just it was I would say two kilometers from my house, but I'm quite lazy, so I have a one kilometer radius

knowledge of the city. I could have been anywhere.
We could have been in Bogota. So we saw a Mexican place that had 4.5.
Thought that looks all right. We walked in.
It was probably a thousand seats.

It was bigger than the palladium. It was like neon

and there was two other people in it. Yeah.

And Ganisha and I don't know each other that well. So we both walked in and we were like, is this all right for you? And we were like, yeah, I'm fine.
I'm fine.

But I suspect both of us thought, what the fuck are we doing going into this?

He had the burrito. I had the chicken fajitas.

I had a pint, another pint there that was served in a chalice. We got them in a sort of goblet.
It was weird. Why would you do that? Time traveled.

Why a goblet when a glass is fine? It's not Mexican either, is it? Is it from the Mayan ruins? I don't know.

Did they find them in Chichen Itza? I don't think so. Here's an interesting thing, because I was thinking, all the listeners want to know is, did Nish go for a shit during the time that we were...

He did. He went for one, two weeks.
One went on for quite a long time, but I don't think it was. But I didn't ask him for the tape.
Didn't ask him. That would have been the ultimate.

What did you do yesterday? Circularity is if you'd taken him back to your house for a shitty box of dinner

and then he'd taken a massive dump in your house.

The podcast would have just ended then. Like the French word fant would have come up in the middle of the screen.

If he'd shat out the cheese and we go, you're right. It's not a normal cheese.

The Odoatty family were very very surprised when it was fromage to Kumar that he was the fifth cheese no one would ever get it

then so when we went from one for the road and we went to a pub that was playing thrash metal and again I walked in I was like is this all right if he was like yeah I you know he's cooler than I am and he said he quite liked thrash metal I was like oh god this is fucking there was like we sat quite near a speaker it was hard not to and then like after about a third of the pint, it changed to Otis Redding.

The music, it was great. Two people came up to us, both absolutely astonished that Nish Kumar was there.
A guy who worked in the restaurant who was like, Why are you in this restaurant?

but was very sweet. And a guy in the pub who said, I have to get you a shot.
And I was just like, Oh, God, don't say yes, because I do not want a shot.

Not my yesterday, but that's that was the photo that you got.

That, to anyone wondering what the definition of boring energy is, that whole thing there,

thrash metal. That's not what I'd be interested in.
A shot. I don't think so.
But Otis Redding, I was like, this is great. I could have stayed there all night.

Great. Well, Nish said, any questions? And I said, for you.
And I said, ask him what David Laurie is really like.

He doesn't seem to have asked you that. No, he did.
Well, he told me that that's what you'd said. And we looked.

Okay, fine. But we didn't actually talk about what you're.
Oh, and actually, to be fair, we talked about this podcast a bit. And we both said how great you were.
I don't need to hear that.

And I said, you know, in terms of comedians, you're pretty normal. You know, because as we've told from these series, a lot of them are, you know, slightly unhinged, but you seem hinged to me.

You know?

Hinged. David had already.
Hinged and boring energy. It's what you want.

I get back home afterwards with my concoction of items from the centre aisle. Hungry.
And we now. You whipped up a lunch of washers and

a jug and some tea cut

and

a paste that can strip paint from cars.

Yummy.

So initially I have a, I start to make an omelette, a delicious omelette, not the healthiest, but. Question.
Have you got a crippling hangover? This is my mind. No crippling hangover.
Oh, you don't?

Okay. So an odd thing has happened the day before where it was my friend's birthday in the afternoon.
Not interested. Yes, I know that.

But I then sat down to watch six hours of Rory McElroy winning the Masters. Yeah, oh, fair enough.
Okay, right, right, right. Buzzing from...

My friend years ago had won a Jeraboom of champagne, which is the sort of one the Formula One drivers shake. Yeah.
And he'd kept it for this occasion.

And a small enough group of it had drunk probably a bottle of champagne each. Wow.
I mean, it was amazing, wasn't it? It was amazing. So we have a low moment while I'm making the omelet because

I glance in at Mushie and he's not happy. He's got little strings coming out of him.
Something bananas is happening.

And of course, in the back of your mind is a Jurassic Park type scenario where, you know, Mushy comes up the stairs and grabs you and you then find mushrooms going out of your ears.

So that's when I contact the very friendly mushroom butcher. He assures me that this is the problem.

He said it's completely my fault because on the list it says, don't put it in a low oxygen atmosphere. It's getting too much CO2.
That seems to be the issue. We're going to go again.

You haven't heard the last of mushrooms on this podcast.

I then have another low because the basil that I've put on the windowsill along with coriander also seems to be dying. Yeah, they always do.
So I look that up on the internet.

How do we bring this back? And the internet is unanimous. You never water it from the top.
That's the mistake.

You fill the little tray with water and it sucks it up. And honestly, within six hours, everything stood back up again.
I feel great. Did you just spend six hours staring at it?

Is that I spent no exaggeration, four hours listening to podcasts talking about the golf that I'd watched for six hours the night before. Listeners, I'm not a golf guy, you know,

but

because McElroy's from Ireland and he's been trying to win this one tournament for 14 years,

and because he was getting a bit older, it looked like it wasn't going to happen. And then there was this phenomenal thing where on every successive hole, he would like, oh, he's won it now.

Oh, he's lost it now. And he would hit it into a lake.
He'd hit it behind a tree. He would hit a miraculous shot.
He'd then miss a little tiddler. It was one of,

like, in terms of seminal sporting moments, the only thing I could compare it to, Max, was Dennis Taylor, also from Northern Ireland, winning the snooker when I was eight or something.

84, yeah. Is that Steve Davis? It's the highest ever TV audience for an event after midnight.
The snooker went on late, basically, as this golf did as well, because the golf went to a playoff. And

every single shot would lead to a different thought in your head. Anyway, I listened to essentially four hours of people talking about this and enjoyed every single bit of it.

The only way to make it better is actually if it's not Justin Rose, because Justin Rose is such a lovely guy. And actually, he's never won the Masters.
Obviously,

you're not English, so I was kind of torn then because I initially presumed Rose had won it at some point, but he hadn't.

And so I was like, Oh, I don't, I'm sort of watching this like I watch the Rider Cup singles, but I don't mind, as opposed to when I watch the Ryder Cup singles, and I like, please be that American

chip Stude Baker the Eighth. Come on.
So, I think had that playoff been up against like a horrible

yank, you know,

you know, a golfie one, our American listeners, I think, will understand. Sure.
But then ultimately, the right guy definitely won, right? And he won it in a great way. Yeah.
I had severe doubts.

I did hear a nice line on one of these podcasts where McElroy's caddy is his best friend from childhood, which everyone says is a terrible idea, but McElroy has stuck with it.

And Harry the Caddy said to him, and I know this is a cliche, but as they walked up to start the playoff, said, if someone had offered us this at the start of the week, like this is a brilliant position to be in.

You're the best match player in

the world. So this is great.

And someone on one of the other podcasts said that Rory McElroy's old caddy used to say to him when he was in a situation like this, he'd just say to him, you're Rory fucking McElroy.

And Rory McElroy would be like, oh, yeah, yeah. No, it'll be fine then.
Max, no one has ever said, you're David O'Dougherty to me about anything. But I'm in little, little, I'm in the center aisle.

I see a jug that's got a weighing skill at the bottom of a should I buy it? My caddy says to me, It'd be good if you had a caddy in little, though, wouldn't it?

Just marking out the yardage. You're looking at the purchase, you're looking at the washers from both sides.
He's bending down on the other side.

Maybe they should have them, just their optional caddy. Well, this is great.
We're rattling through the day. Now, I want to make a fancy dinner for the Helencopter

Because I've gone and done a good shop.

In addition to those items, I have bought actual food, which would be like if you got one of your boxes and opened all the stuff that's in the little packets and then put it in jars and put it in a cupboard.

Don't understand. Sorry.

And so I decide I'm going to make us a Moroccan chicken.

There is some stuff happens in between here involving repair of bicycles, talking to the accountant as we're coming towards the end of somehow tax something or other yeah so i make a one tray dinner with four vegetables helencopter signed up for a farm that delivers a cardboard box with wonky vegetables to us okay that's nice sounds a bit like what we do

These are not chopped vegetables.

These are vegetables that the simple farmer, the farmer from one of your son's TV shows, has simply picked, placed in his tractor that winks at him or whatever happens on a farm.

And they've delivered it to us. Weirdly, though, Max, in the box.
of stuff from the farm. You got kale, fine.
You got sweet potatoes, great.

You got a bag of carrots that look like wizards' dicks, you know, like proper wonky lads. Although you forget, Gandalf was, I mean, like, he's swinging down there.

They didn't talk about it much.

They all said it. Yeah, the IF sour up.

But then, weirdly, there's a lemon in the box,

which really makes you think, what is this farm in Ireland?

What part of Ireland

citrus enough to grow a lemon? We used to get these boxes, and you'd always get a turnip. For the first couple of weeks, you're like, We're going to go with this.
Come on, we can do it.

Or you get one new potato. You get like one Charlotte potato.
What am I making with this? The smallest dauphinoirs ever.

A tiny jacket potato for like a hamster with like one piece of mince on top for a tiny chili concani. Anyway, the answer is: what you do is you chop it up small in like one centimeter cubes.

You then dunk four different spices on top of it. Turmeric, cayenne pepper, you know, this kind of stuff.

And then it really doesn't matter what the substance is because it just tastes of Morocco. Whack it on the chicken.
And the helicopter is transported to the souks of marrakesh

by the driest chicken.

The problem here is

the sweet potato takes longer than the chicken. The recipe has lied to me.
It's fine. I think maybe I had it up too high in the oven.

We eat some some delicious vegetables and we pretend that we're not kind of chewing on a spongy chicken that I've absolutely fucked. Is there any sauce? Sounds a bit dry.

Yeah.

I've done. You've done an Asian.
Obviously, you've done a Thai chicken sauce. We know you.

Poison.

No, I've got some Greek yogurt, some feta, threw some lemon juice into that, etc. Oh, that's lovely.
That's lovely. And pops it over the top.

Yeah, so the only hope for the chicken is to cover it in 80%

yogurt, basically. Yeah, okay, good.
And that sort of defibrillates some joy back into it.

Helen has cases to read.

Just stuff happening in immigration law at the moment. And in fairness to the helicopter, she sits down to read 60 pages of photocopied solid text with a highlighter.
Wow. How does she do it?

We need people like that. I know.
We also need people like this, but less so.

I go to the pub because... It's about time.
I've been writing jokes for the last few weeks, Max, that I will never say to you on this podcast because it will destroy any confidence I have in them.

And the small pub, my favorite pub in Dublin, is called Unsha and it's around the corner. It means here in Irish.

And they have a room that is about twice the size of your shed where for the next eight weeks, once a week, I will take my new jokes and perform them to tiny groups of people.

I will record those and from these recordings will come the new show that opens in Edinburgh in August. So it was a step along the way.

I sat down with Eddie, the boss of the pub, to find days when this room wasn't in use. They have like punk bands play there and stuff like that.
So,

yeah, I'm all set up with that. Oh, so you didn't do the jokes.
You just booked the room. I booked the room for

like there's a Cole Porter line.

Someone once said to him, which comes first, the music or the lyrics? And he said, the phone call.

And I am very much of that. I need the prospect of a gig where I may die on my arse tomorrow night to make me right now.
The jokes. Yep.
Okay. Highlight of the day is on the way home.

Even though it's like half nine, I decide to phone my dad, who I just want to talk to him because I knew he would have, he would have stayed up for the golf. He's 86, but he stayed up.

So my dad recorded it and then watched it in the morning. Yeah, well, mum went up to bed.

Then Helencopter, interestingly, because we drunk a bottle of of champagne each, she dozed off when McElroy was four shots ahead on about the ninth

and then woke up when he won the playoff. And I had tears running down my cheeks.
And I said, McElroy won. And it was the least surprise response from the Helencopter.

And similarly, it had been a hugely emotional. I don't know, my family.
Is it something to do with him being a jazz musician?

You do put a lot of stock into these genuinely emotional and beautiful moments. And I think

because we have followed McElroy for so long and he seems like such an honest human kind of a guy.

Even the fact that we were both talking about there was this moment, so he burst into tears when he hit the ball into the hole and he's walking to the trophy presentation and there was about four groups of people.

There was like a lot of the other pros had stuck around. So Lowry is one of his best friends.
The other Irish guy in Fleetwood was there. And then

there's this beautiful moment where there's just a bunch of his mates from Hollywood in County Down. And he goes over to them.
He's crying. And he like sort of does a group hug of six of them.

And then you see him wipe tears from his eyes. And obviously his true self, he goes, Oh, sorry, lads.
I have to go. I just have to get a green jacket.
And they all cheer.

And it's that to me was the beautiful moment. Anyway, me and dad are very moved by this.

So actually, I stayed up till one watching that. And then it took another hour and a half.
Just, I couldn't sleep afterwards. I was so delighted.
So that had been an effect on this day. I got home.

I had what Helen calls a neat bath, which is a bath where I use no cleaning products whatsoever. Just pure water.
Pure water. PW.
P-H-W. Pure hot water.

I dunk

and I lie there delighted with myself. It feels good to have these gigs booked now because my life now has medium-term aims.
Yeah. I'm tired.
I go to bed. It's a lovely day.

Not much happened, but I did feel I sorted out a few things. I didn't like because the mushrooms had

come up with such fanfare. I didn't like when they got sad.

But then I did like the attitude of the mushroom butcher because my fear was he might regard mushrooms as almost human. Right.
And with that.

And because it had been my fault, he would like burst into tears.

But he's called himself the mushroom butcher, which makes him actually sound like somebody who is there just to really just hack him to pieces in their sleep.

Yep, so we go again with the mushrooms. Okay, well listen, I mean, it's been a huge episode given what happened with Curdle, which now feels about two hours ago.
Maybe it was.

Hopefully you can forgive David. And when I say David, I mean us because we come together.
If you'd like to get in touch on that subject or any others, here is how.

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudo yesterdaypod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram at yesterday pod.

And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform. And if you didn't, please don't.

Thanks, David. Let's do it again sometime.
Thanks, boring energy. Everything is showbiz.