WDWDY #37: A differently but equally exciting yesterday...

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Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Some might say too many.

I have one already.

I don't have any, because there are enough.

Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Why is that?

Are they scared?

Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Possibly, but not us.

We're here to ask the only question that matters.

We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

That's it.

All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.

Nothing more.

Day before yesterday, Max?

Nope.

The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.

I'm Max Rushton.

And I'm David O'Doherty.

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Hello, and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

This is midweek Mayhem.

I'm Max Rushton.

David O'Doherty is there.

David, it feels like I saw you just moments ago.

Does it feel like I'm in an exotic French Gallic type place and at any moment, asterisks and obelisk, your faves, could just wander in behind me?

Because it should, because I'm in France.

Absolutely.

Gerard Depot is behind you, just eating a chicken leg, just slobbering it into his mouth.

He took a wee on an Erlingus flight a few years ago.

Like from, I think they said you can't get up to go to the loo.

So he just did it in the old corridor.

Just in the aisle.

From his seat.

Yeah.

I don't think he's a great bloke.

I think it's.

I thought you were about to defend it there.

You were going to go, nah, nah.

You see, the thing about Gerard is.

You've got to see it from both sides, haven't you?

This is the day listeners will be...

Pike possibly listen to this on the way to what did you do yesterday live.

Wow.

So that's exciting.

So if you get in touch with the podcast because you're coming to the show and you've got anything you want to tell, let's do it.

We might read it out on the show because we've yet to, we have had, we've got a production meeting, WhatsApp group where David and I put in different ideas and then we don't read, we just put in different ideas.

So to the listeners who are or are not attending the live show,

me and Max have never done this together.

In fact, we have done this entirely separately with a tiny delay usually because Max is in Australia.

And my fear is that that delay will transfer into real life.

That as soon as you say anything, I'll count to 1001

and then I'll say something sassy back to you.

When I'm back in the UK and I'm doing talk to people shows in the studio with Charlie Baker or Barry Glendenning, People always say, look, you've got to be in the room, guys.

To make these things work, you've got to be in the room.

So I make a point on air of saying, I need to make these shows a bit worse than the ones where I'm not in the room so the bosses go you can't be in the room so then I'm allowed to carry on doing the shows from Australia have I seen you in the flesh since we started doing the podcast no the last time

I saw you was when we went to a small pub in Melbourne and what's the name the guy with the song about the shoes didn't turn up Paola Natini Paola Natini old shoesy boy

did not turn up and that is two two years ago, probably.

How should we greet each other when we see each other?

Oh.

Do you want a big long embrace?

Interesting.

Do you want just a very professional handshake as colleagues?

As just colleagues.

Or how about we don't, it's like the Eagles and we don't meet till we get out on stage.

You know what I mean?

We're delivered

separate limos to other sides of the stage and then we walk out.

What I'm looking forward to most from the live show is when the texts from Mrs.

Rushton start to come in.

Are you still doing this?

That's at 10 past eight, 10 minutes in.

Please hurry up.

Wait, are you back?

We should put them on a big screen.

No, she's hoping to come.

She's hoping to get her babies to come and then the babysitter will message her and she'll, we could do is she could sit on the stage.

with her phone and then as soon as Ian or Willie wake up, she'll just leave and everyone will know what's happened there.

she did say thank you to David for thanking me for being a good mum, she said.

And regards the quiz, the insane quiz at the end, Paul Merson is a terrible guest because I would have said hello to him because I worked with him for years.

And we went to his wedding, okay.

She says, Oh, okay, fine, fine.

Well, I'm trying to get the helicopter to come over.

Ah, that'd be good.

I know, but she does very important

work in the human rights field.

I know, so sometimes it's difficult to talk her into coming to listen to us going on about coming a bath.

She not tried to bring that in to the human rights field.

Next slide, please.

Click.

We have had some BOC feedback, which we'll get to shortly.

Don says, Don Matteo, long time listener, first time caller, really enjoy the show.

A bit late on the feedback.

I wanted to share the impact what did you do yesterday has had on my life.

I live in the UK.

My children, ages nine and eight, live in Spain.

When I went to see them some months ago, I introduced them to the world of Curdle.

What did Yufon do yesterday?

etc.

It was an instant hit.

It was adapted for the age group.

Sometimes it was Pizza Topping's favorite Disney characters, best saves by Denmark's third goalkeeper, etc.

To such an extent, even the amazing Mars Bar's opening sequence had to be played each time before gameplay.

Struck by the magnificence of this, the game was introduced to the playground of Collegio de Educación Infantile San Juan Saip, XXIII, 23.

Los Galados in the dry sands of Andalusia.

Even now, can the noises of

the game being called KS Eso?

SO S Quezo.

What is this?

This is cheese.

Surely proves this show, as endorsed by Max's parents as the worst idea ever, is in fact genius, in it for life.

Don Mateo, Jesio de Bastardo, the Lord Percy of Dingbat.

Wow.

I wonder if at the live show, Lord Percy of Dingbat will make an appearance.

I doubt it.

I don't know.

I think you just might see 1,500 people sitting in the stalls and you might decide this is the time to launch your improvement.

I'm my improv career.

Yeah.

You do a straight hour

of different cod pieces.

And I'd like to do, you know, when impressionists just have like a tray behind them?

Yeah.

Like a trolley, and then they just put some glasses on and go, who's this?

Who am I?

Who am I?

I'd really like to do this.

You'd be a variety of obscure 90s footballers, though.

You'd be like, I'm Mitch Davre of Ipswich.

I'm Paul Goddard.

Look at me.

Oh, of course you are.

Paul Goddard is sensational.

Matt says, hi, Max and David.

B-F-O-T-P.

I don't know what that means, but should I know what that means?

B-F-O-T-P.

Big fan of the pod.

There you go.

Wow.

On that subject, one of my favorite musical artists is Boards of Canada.

However, I can no longer listen to their singular brand of hauntological esoterica without conjuring some particularly visceral mental imagery.

Thanks, Matt, that BOC is BOC everywhere.

Oh, yeah.

On the same note, Dominica says, I've long accepted that everything is showbiz, but was hesitant to admit that what did you do yesterday is the center of the known universe until today.

Or at the very least, it appears to be the center of my universe.

As I was strolling along the road listening to, dare I say, another podcast,

I was stopped in my track to what appeared to be a shop offering baths of cup.

I stopped and looked around me to see if anyone else was seeing what I was seeing.

But lo and behold, none of the city office folks seemed concerned about the BOC sign dangling in the wind.

It took me far too long to realize BOC could, in fact, refer to other things.

In this case, it was the Bank of Ceylon.

Imagine how long it would take to fill that place.

Yeah.

Speaking of how long it takes to fill the bath,

and I'm so glad this I'm just reading this to you, just to you and not to merry beard.

John says, Dear, what did you do yesterday, pod?

Hello, David, Max and Marsba.

A short but significant email to say that the average blue whale ejaculation contains around 20 liters or 10 to 20 percent of the volume of an average bathtub.

Wow.

I will leave it to you to judge whether it's easier to fill the BOC by collecting the ejaculator of 10 blue whales or 11,500 gig attendees.

i respect that but i don't want to wank off whales either so yeah i still don't think either either is the answer wow that is that's a little i i did once see elephants at it in taronga zoo in sydney

and yeah i was

struck by it was like a water main had burst okay let's let's not go on about this anymore You do wonder, if we keep talking about being the center of the universe and then people keep writing in with these incredible coincidences, does that go to our heads and do we become cult leaders?

I suppose, because really the podcast began from thinking that everyone is insignificant.

Yeah.

So nobody is significant.

And if the actual conclusion is that you and I are the most significant people on earth.

Yeah.

That would be quite a turn up.

It really really would.

Yeah.

I mean, it hasn't changed me yet.

Yeah.

And from a cult point of view, yeah, it'd be a lot of bland food associated with it.

You know, bowls of dry oats, stuff like that.

Well, no, there'd be an abologé on the go.

Of all the cults to be in, right?

Yeah.

Apart from the fact you might have to do some childcare for me.

Yes.

I think it would be quite a nice cult.

Because the real big issues are, we really want your coffee to be good in the morning.

You'll probably get a cycle ride.

Yeah.

There'll be always be a bolognese.

I don't want to get onto the importance of, or not, or, you know, the dangers of organized religion.

But I think that as a religion would be quite a good one.

Yeah.

Everyone would be pretty chill.

Yeah, okay.

But eat a lot of spaghetti.

Let's think about it then.

Maybe we'll launch it at the live show.

Good idea.

Lock the doors.

That's it.

Who's on after us?

Cirque de Soleil, they're not performing because we're here forever.

Stuin Aberdeen writes.

Hi, Max.

Hi, Barry.

Hi, Marsbar.

Hope you're both well.

First time.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You just said Max Barry.

That's for an extra.

Fuck's sake.

What?

I've been doing this for over a year now.

How quickly are you not the center of the universe?

It's just a matter of seconds.

So to the listeners, Barry is the genial Irish guy that he does his sports stuff with.

A lovely man, but not me.

Are we just

all interchangeable?

could it just be Dara Patrick Keolty WB Yates Seamus Heaney just any Irishman and Max equals a podcast AOI any old Irishman that's what I say my agent says who do you want for this I just say oh AOI hang up hi Max hi Barry hi Master Barth hope you're both well first time long time and all that i'm from offerly and my dad is a vet yeah yeah that's good stuff i've been bothered into writing by everything everythingisshowbiz.com.

It's a wonderful resource, brilliantly put together, but I'm worried now that your knowing about it is going to be its undoing.

Recently, a few mentions of everythingishobiz.com have been followed with a reference to friend of the show, Ernest Shackleton.

Now, I worry, since you're mentioning him as a result of how often you're mentioning him, it's artificially boosting the number of times that Mr.

Shackleton has received, thus making the website statistics useless.

I'm loath to write this as I feel I may skew them further, but felt it needed to be done before it got any worse.

Love to you all.

Keep up the good work.

Lots of love, Stuart, from Aberdeen.

Well, friend of the podcast, Sir Ernest Shackleton,

who tragically left us in 1920, maybe somewhere around then.

But he did love the pod.

He knew it was coming.

And in his long trek to the South Pole, which heroically, and in a way, this is one of the most heroic things in the history of Antarctic exploration.

He was 100 miles from the pole, which would have made him the first before Amundsen.

And he elected to turn back because he calculated they may not have enough food to get all the way there and back, thus putting the crew in jeopardy.

So it's a delight to me that he is such a fan of the pod.

Thank you, Sir Ernest.

Tragically, died whacking off a blue whale.

In the words of Alan Brazil, I've heard different things.

Lynn says, hi, Max David, love the pod.

The cycling shirt delivered to flat two reminded me of my birthday this year in Brisbane.

My best friend from Bristol Uni in the 80s asked gently if I'd received a bunch of flowers.

A bit more investigation and we both realized she'd sent them to my old flat.

It's only a couple of kilometers away.

So I went round later that day.

A nice lady opened the door.

I told her my name and I said, just wondering if you had any deliveries for me.

She said, not even looking embarrassed, oh yeah, I was about to call you.

This was four days after the flowers had been delivered.

She took me into the flat where the flowers were on the table as far as possible from the front door as they could be with her two elderly parents looking at them.

I'm an intensive care nurse and also look after mum and dad.

They've enjoyed them a lot, she said.

Fuck.

I was wondering, holding up the card that said, dear Lynn, lots of love on your birthday from Ellie with my mobile number written just under that.

Is this your mobile?

She said innocently.

Not caring about the obvious tug at my heartstrings with the intensive nurse elderly parents, I marched over, grabbed the flowers, said, thank you so much for looking after them and left in rage and fury.

I wanted to say, obviously, that's my number.

And in four days, you couldn't call it, but I wasn't brave enough.

I hope you get the shirt back.

Surely your show business enough that they won't try to keep it.

Keep up the fab pod.

Say hello to Mars Bar 2.

Cheers, Linz.

That's cheeky.

Yeah.

I mean, I guess with perishables, if it was dinner in a box, you know, if a deliveroo is left on the wrong step, you can't be holding on to that for four days and say you were about to drop it over.

Just some falafels.

These are falafels.

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Oh, hang on.

Jamie's calling.

This is exciting.

This is live updates.

Do you have five minutes?

I'm fighting for my life down here.

I need a towel.

Wet wipes, please.

S-O-S.

Give me one second.

Wet wipes.

Towel.

This is live, baby.

I'm fighting for my life.

It's very hard not to...

run away from what she did yesterday when you get that text.

Looks like it's just you and me now, Marsbar.

I'm back.

Crisis averted.

I wouldn't say averted, but you know, we've stemmed the flow of blood.

Shit.

Carl in Poole says, Dear Max David and Marsbar, just listening to the excellent Mary Beard episode and her asserting what fantastic historical material the pod would make, she used the words that struck with me: give it to the Bodleian.

Surely this is the new hang it in the Louvre for the podcasting generation.

If you were to give it to the Bodleian in years to come, when someone may be researching the history of Sanskrit or the manuscripts of Jane Austen, they can at the same time also find out how many shits Nish Kumar did in a day.

So the next time a guest says something particularly illuminating or momentous, remember to respond.

Give it to the bodily and keep up the good work.

Everything is showbiz.

Carl Baldwin in Poole.

Thank you, Carl.

Wow.

And she upgraded our undergraduate degrees as well.

Yeah.

Me to a first.

Yeah.

Well done.

Congratulations.

Should we play there just normal countries?

If we're able to play that, I'm in favor of it.

Here's the jingle.

I am

The guess is so far.

Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana, Northern Marianas Islands, Bhutan, Brunei, Nepal, Esbatina, U.S.

Virgin Islands, Equatorial Guinea, San Marino, correct.

Liechtenstein, Turkmenistan.

Interruption.

Whenever you list them like that, I think of Enya's song Orinoco Flow, where you list any number of countries and I just sing, sail away, sail away, sail away.

Maybe we'll do that tonight at the Hat in the Empire.

Wow.

Maybe Enya is the special guest.

He's a special guest.

Imagine if it's Enya.

Blow my mind.

Dear Max David and Marsba, I'm a 13-year-old in Canada and I love the pod.

I've been trying to think of a reason to write in and the Tom Basdan episode finally gave me the chance.

I heard that Tom's son played a game called Tocatina on the piano, and I realised I had played the very same song in my grade six strings class on the cello.

My family came to the pod through an uncommon scenario, having to Google David rather than Max.

My dad has been listening to Football Weekly for years and has recently become obsessed with UK comedians.

The podcast is a perfect medley, he says.

I'm an Irish comedian, but as the old joke goes, you Americans all make the same mistake.

I know he's Canadian.

Thank you.

My dad somehow thinks he is Max's long-lost twin until he learned of Max's tragic ineptitude with tools and other practical skills.

Just like Max believes he is Guy Montgomery's.

Our family is now subjected to second-hand anecdotes of what happened in Max's yesterdays, which is somehow even more boring than hearing it from Max himself.

I would also like to submit my guess for their just normal countries.

My guess is the Seychelles.

My reasoning for that is the official language is English.

The population, 119,000, is low enough that having only one listen is completely plausible.

It also has my favourite flag.

Thank you for adding something so silly, yet so meaningful to my day.

It's something my dad and I share together, and it brings us a lot of joy.

All the best, Ian.

Yet, another reason why my dad thinks you and he are the same.

Thank you, Ian.

Thank you so much.

So, Mars Bar.

Firstly, are under 18s allowed to enter their just normal countries?

Finally, if you said no, yes, they are.

That's fine.

Okay, Seychelles.

Is it correct?

I'm gonna say we're hot because a lot of tourists go there, I'd say a lot of people kick back in the beach listening to what did you do yesterday.

Yeah, are we huge in the Seychelles, Mars?

I'm going to put the listenership at over 60, Mars Barr.

At the time of recording, we had had 84 listens on the Seychelles.

Live show in the Seychelles.

Let's do our second live show in the Seychelles.

We may lose money, but imagine how good it would be.

Max, do you have any questions for me?

Oh, yeah.

I have a question for you, David.

Yeah, what time did did you wake up yesterday?

So the Edinburgh Fringe has finished.

Yep.

And David Adardi has jetted, I think is the verb that you use when people from showbiz, such as myself, go anywhere on a plane.

And I have jetted to Nice.

to the south of France where Helencopter has picked me up and taken me in a Renault.

Everything about France is so French.

That's the thing about it.

She's taken me to a little

chateau, it is too strong, but it's a French house with many extensions that is between Marseille and Nice, kind of inland a bit, surrounded by what I insist on calling wine trees, but she tells me are in fact vines.

And I woke up yesterday, my first good post-Edinburgh sleep at 10.30.

Yep.

Yes, I did.

Just if you remember for the tape, this is exactly the same day as I had on the last midwick million.

And I know there's a time difference, right?

So it's 9.30 UK time, but

we're just on different paths at the moment.

That is unbelievable.

A bunch of Helen's friends are staying here.

How big is your mansion?

Or they're in a different...

It's three,

might be four bedrooms.

So there are five friends and two kids, two adorable kids staying here.

And so I went down, I had the most French breakfast possible.

A bowl of hot chocolate.

Yes, there was hot chocolate.

There was just baguette.

I mean, where we are, it's the distant sound of accordions fills the air.

David, can you get on the Peugeot bicycle and cycle to the Santreville, to the Petisserie to get more baguette?

baguette.

It's literally

that's what we're doing.

Yogurt, all the rest of it.

This idyll was shattered by the fact that I had to come upstairs and record an episode of What Did You Do Yesterday with the wonderful Alan Davies.

Now, an interesting thing happened there because as I sit here today in the same place, we've got shutters on the outside of the building and those kind of windows that are like shutters that come in.

And it's beautifully calm out there today.

Yesterday during that podcast,

sky went dark, the first monsoon-like rain of the season,

and some distant electrical flashes all while we were listening to Alan Davis talk about how his dog attacks other dogs, but fails to attack burglars.

In fact, just loves anyone who appears in the garden.

I don't know if that episode is out already, but my favorite bit of that episode was his research call with Saturday Kitchen.

I really enjoyed that bit,

especially with someone like him, whereby, because they want to tee you up for a story or whatever, but he's just going to say something completely different.

He's going to be a really good guest.

Just don't worry about it, guys.

Yeah, yeah, 100%.

I went downstairs then.

So the torrential rain is falling.

It's still quite warm here, though.

And the entire group is gathered around a large dining table doing shrinky dinks.

Do you know what shrinky dinks are?

I don't know what shrinky dinks are.

Shrinky dinks are you draw a picture on a piece of plastic.

This is obviously with the kids.

We're all doing some crafting.

And you draw and color in a...

picture on a sheet of plastic.

You then cut it out and put it in the oven where

it gets smaller and kind of forms into a badge.

Oh, that's fun.

What did you draw?

Well, everyone else, because where we are in Provence is the center of, it's where all the Impressionists came.

I feel the other people went.

Aleister McGowan, Roy Bretmore.

Cézanne,

the big three.

The others were all doing little matisas

and the kids were doing dinosaurs.

Love it.

I decided to make a beautiful tribute to the Helencopter by drawing her face and writing Helen underneath it.

My plan was I would put it between the see-through case and the back of my phone so she would always be there.

However, I drew her looking incredibly gormless.

But actually, presumably as it gets smaller, she'd get less gormless.

So you would think.

As it happened, she looked more chaotic then as well.

I have a problem with eyes.

I think I always draw big round eyes with dots in the middle like primary school boobs.

Or like a sort of like Droopy the Dog.

Exactly.

She looks like a single idea has never passed through her head.

And not only that, but in the...

oven somehow my shrinky dink folds over on itself.

Oh dear.

It's not going to fit in my phone case.

Maybe for the best.

I decide then with one of the kids who is four and a half, five, that I'll get in the pool.

There's a pool here

and it's still raining a little bit.

Oh, fun.

Pool in the rain.

And I'm a fun uncle as well.

Yeah.

And you may not know this about me, but I'm also an absolute chaos merchant.

All right.

We've got an inflatable killer whale and an inflatable alligator in the pool.

So initially I'm jumping onto them, trying to stay up, but they're flipping over and to the great entertainment of the kid.

And is the four and a half year old a good enough swimmer?

Four and a half row initially, I think, because I'm splashing so much.

is just watching from the distance in one of those kind of inflatable tutus ready for her moment to come in.

However, I have turned into the splash monster.

And every time anyone comes near the pool, I hide under the killer whale and then absolutely soak them.

It's good stuff.

It's really good stuff.

They're enjoying it.

They're enjoying it.

Yeah, everyone loves it with the exception of Helen, who I keep getting really, really wet.

But it's the holidays, guys.

Is Helen rolling her eyes?

Is she like, this is fun?

Is she...

Oh, it's Willie Rushton.

He's entered the chat.

Is the Helen Cops?

Does she roll her eyes?

She's happy that you're the fun uncle.

She's very happy.

And we then move on to, I think they're called sinkies which are plastic things that are thrown into the bottom of the pool that stand up like flowers and it seems to be me more than the four and a half year old has to swim down and pick up when you come out of the pool do you hold it up and look look for affirmation from an adult i got it

yeah absolutely

Or when I go to hand it to the four and a half year old, my hand sort of slips and I throw it back into the deep head again.

Good stuff.

I'm very happy to be a complete idiot here.

When we book a villa for the four of us, me, you,

the helicopter and Jamie, and the children are slightly older, will you do this for hours?

Yeah, I'll do this for, it's actually an incredible workout as well.

The incidental fitness is wild.

Especially when you're climbing out of the pool, just the act of pushing yourself up out of water.

Maybe it's because i've done virtually nothing for the last month in edinburgh i'm having the absolute time of my life oh this is so wonderful yeah i even try a few i ask everyone to look at my dives i am just an eight-year-old yeah and then i just belly flop in in an attempt to soak everyone it's good gear did you try a backwards dive

no too scared too scared of that what about butterfly Oh, butterfly just as a means to splashing everyone.

Well, doing the stroke, saying I can do a length of butterfly, because no actual human can do a length of butterfly.

That's not physically possible.

It's not a swimming stroke.

I did, I tried to do all of my strokes, yes.

But then also

water pistoling became a thing, which doesn't really count because you're already fully wet, but there is still something about pointing a water pistol at people and squishing them that is joyous in the situation as it rains too.

Any of the other adults in the pool?

No, just me.

Just you.

Okay.

Just the kids in the pool?

The four and a half-year-old has got in, but kind of only up to her waist because I'm quite literally hogging the whole pool.

And are they actually paying you any attention?

Are they still inside?

Are they now talking about the war inside?

The kids are colouring another room and you're just splashing around like a dog.

So it actually stops raining then.

And we walk.

There's a river just at the end of the garden.

I mean, this is magical stuff.

Oh, an idyll.

This is so, I mean, it's not doing someone's laces up that you've never met a little boy on an estate in Hackney, but it is almost there.

It is interesting to map this day on to your day.

We walk down to the river.

If I could compare this place to anywhere, there's a Timothy Chalamet movie called Call Me By Your Name, which I think is set in Italy, but it's a very similar idea to that.

Right.

How is the quest to what did you do, Chalamet?

Because I was thinking about just going on to, I don't know, Oprah's Instagram and DMing her.

Because you never know.

One of them might say yes.

Say, like, do you want to come on?

But has anyone made any contact with Chalamet?

Because it could be good for him.

Do any of our guests, would you say, know Shalom?

John Robbins, he might.

No, he doesn't know Chalamay.

I don't know.

I don't really know a lot of Chalamet's work.

Chalamay was Bob Dylan in the recent Bob Dylan film.

Got it.

Okay.

I know Bob Dylan is.

Nish loves Bob Dylan.

So maybe we can get some sort of a lead there.

Okay, yeah, that's a good one.

I'll work on that.

Walk to the river.

You can jump into the river, but you do notice how the river is significantly colder than the pool.

Got it.

But it's still nice to get that contrast.

Oh, my God.

I'm comparing the temperatures of different beautiful bodies of water while you eat freezing beans out of a tin in a car park.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

You're not going to like this either.

And on the walk back.

There's a beautiful French restaurant with a table outside.

That's later in the evening.

Okay.

Does a full patonk pitch.

Oh, stop it.

With like 200-year-old men, one really round, one really thin.

They've got little magnets, so they don't need to lean down to get the ball.

They just pick up the ball.

They've been playing for the last 25,000 years.

Patonk to the listeners.

I think it's the same as bounce, is it?

Patonk.

Because we did a quiz the night before, means feet together.

and it's one of the most beautifully simple games ever you throw a small ball are you an overarm are you a wristy man or a just a roller oh no i come in from a height yeah okay yes good i try and sort of mcelroy it almost backspin it got it towards it you open the face phil mickelson style yeah

it's really really good and we do that now what's beautiful about that is the four and a half year old is almost immediately just as as good as us.

Yeah, great.

Because you're just rolling things at things, and everyone understands that.

Stroll back to the house where I drink a lemonade from the fridge.

Beautiful.

That I'm feeling something.

What are these feelings?

I look down, it's 1% alcohol lemonade.

Citron de bar de bon.

Classic Frenchies have just snuck a little bit of Captain Good time into that lemonade.

Delicious.

Then eat some French Bickies.

Everyone else in the house has been to the Super Marche.

And like Choco Leibniz would be the only one that people might know.

Choco Leibniz, it's a butter biscuit with a thick layer of...

Milk or dark?

What's your Leibniz of choice?

There is milk Rego Leibniz and then a Waffer Leibniz.

Oh,

a Wafeur Leibniz.

Yeah, with a big, thick load of chocolate on top.

Absolutely wonderful stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like a movie with Emma Thompson.

But nothing's happening in the movie.

But I know, but that's fine.

There's going to be a murder or something like that if Thompson's around.

That's true.

Okay.

Maybe Thompson's the wrong pick.

What happened in Peter's Friends?

It sounds like that.

Peter's Friends, I think they just meet 10 years after college.

Oh, I see.

And none of them.

It's like a film that I don't know.

That's another one of the great pull quotes from the history of this podcast.

I

decide to read a book then.

It's been a stressful day so far.

Of course, you do.

All right.

So, what are you sitting on for this?

There are just placed around the patonk pitch are some nice like day beds.

Yeah, of course they are.

So I just lie on that.

Also, the rain has held off and I need to dry out my togs.

So I will start to read Doppelganger by Naomi Klein,

which is a fascinating book about how she has been confused with Naomi Wolf, who is another woman called Naomi, who kind of went

quite conspiracy during the pandemic.

Naomi Wolfe did.

Naomi Klein would just constantly get messages, a bit like me and Barry, people thinking we are, in fact, the same person.

This is all tiring stuff, Max.

It is, yeah, sounds exhausting.

So, we're going to need to go off to

the village.

No, actually, I don't nap because I've slept for possibly 12 hours the night before.

That takes me a week.

So, we go to an adorable restaurant in Cotignac.

We go through

which I think is the village where we are.

And for some reason, I decide I will become a Carces Ultra and just talk down Cotignac, which is the next adorable village along the road.

And just keep saying, this is bullshit.

This main street with all these fairy lines.

Sort of Ross Noble tipping point approach.

It's exactly that.

It's a lot of French villages in Provence.

Exactly.

We need to go to Carces.

And the reason I decide it's great is because we need to refill our bladder of rosé.

I might as well have just said chase a goose there, but we're down to the last liter of rosé.

Oh, God, crisis.

It's a crisis, everybody.

It's a crisis.

Do you want me to fly over and help?

Let's start crowdfunder for David.

We go

party of, what is it, seven, nine, eight, whatever our total is, go to this beautiful family-run restaurant with a guy playing really good flamenco guitar.

Very simple menu.

Such a simple menu.

Yeah, of course.

He just says, we have ribs on this evening.

Is that good for you all?

And we say, yes, it is.

Caraffs, carafs everywhere.

We're in Rose country now.

Right.

So, yeah, we got the local rose.

Are you sitting with the kids' table?

You're on the kids' table.

Little chairs.

Slightly lower than the other table.

Interestingly, they hear the flamenco music and just immediately start doing what appears to be flamenco dancing with no knowledge of what flamenco dancing is.

There is something within that that causes you to sort of raise a fist to the sky and spin around.

We have our adorable food.

Someone has fish, loads of rose,

bags of bread, like paper bags of bread are brought to the table.

This is the most agonizing day you've had so far.

Wonderful.

It's getting worse.

It's getting worse and worse now because I decide to be the big man.

And because I've been eating and drinking them out of house and home and did not contribute to the Super Marche

trip at all, you're getting dinner.

I say

I'll get dinner, which in any other place would be a big swinging Mickey move.

But when I see the price of it, I'm like, wow.

You won.

It's 28 Euros.

Yeah, exactly.

Like, definitely, me and Rose Mattefeo have eaten meals in Edinburgh that cost more than this dinner for nine.

And yeah, go for a little stroll around the town.

Helen Cupter's brother got married in the Lidlies right there.

It all appears to be.

I mean, you brought them up, I think.

From the 16th century.

Came back home then.

We just sit around a table outdoors.

Oh.

What is that, Willie?

I know this is difficult to listen to, but...

We have to get through it.

It's nearly done, Willie.

It's okay.

We'll have days like this one day.

Here's what happens, though.

We're sitting at a table outdoors, and I'm drinking...

I think I have another shandy.

I have some wine and maybe a vermouth.

You know, I want to be in peak condition for the recording of this.

So only drink six to eight delightful small glasses of these drinks.

But just when the whole thing's relaxed, oh, the loir appears.

Now, what is a loir?

It's a sort of a squirrelly.

I'm going to say squirrel because it has a furry tail, but it does seem like a large mouse.

Now, it does have huge eyes.

So again, that distances it from what I would describe as rodent country.

Right, it's the eyes that you draw.

Has your drawing, has your tiny trinket on it.

It's come to life.

It's Helen.

The rodent Helen has come to life.

They live in the ivy around this country house and they start leaping into the trees above our heads.

Oh, that's nice.

No, no, no.

It's not particularly nice at all.

It's quite terrifying.

But everyone else, because they've been here for a few days, seems quite relaxed with it.

So, suddenly, I just have to be calm.

Quite cool.

Yeah.

In what is one of the most terrifying, I mean, terrifying is too strong a word.

In that adorable cartoon, mice are leaping over my head.

Bats are also flittering around the swimming pool as well.

This is nice.

It's a return to nature in many ways.

I remember I have this podcast, and I need to be in peak physical and mental condition for it.

So, certainly on the eighth drink, I announced that.

You're retiring.

It's the sort of place where you say, I shall retire to bed, isn't it?

Yes.

And Lord Percy of Dingbat says, we'll see you in the morning.

I learned an incredible fact from one of our party that, I mean, we need someone.

Can anyone check this?

That sharks are older than trees.

What?

Sharks have been around longer than trees.

Wow.

Because they've survived various ear.

Is that true?

Could that possibly be true?

I mean, I think it's not.

All sharks are not older than all trees.

Mars bars just come up in the chat and it simply says true.

Sharks are older than trees.

That's interesting, isn't it?

Oh my goodness.

Adieu, I say.

No, actually, you don't say adieu because I think adieu actually means I'll never see you again.

Adiato.

I say, good night.

Ademin.

Ade main.

Mars bars come up in the chat again.

450 million years, first shark.

390 million years, first tree.

Wow.

Both quite a long time ago.

Yeah.

Neither of them yesterday, if we're being honest.

We're being true to ourselves.

I mosey up to bed where

I did get bitten a bit last night.

If you're looking for whatever the opposite of a silver lining is, if you just need to find some badness in the middle of the middle.

I need to find the cloud.

Yeah.

I got a little bit.

I don't know if there are mine.

Hopefully by an XL bully or whatever it is.

Excellent live in the rafters and they come out after dark and they have removed one of my.

But I'm having such a nice time.

I don't really mind.

I'll make it to the hospital, hopefully, at some point.

And yeah, that was, that was my yesterday, Max.

Lovely day.

Do you want to see how much vomit is on my?

No, I've missed that.

Oh, wow.

There you go.

You've got a podcast through the pain.

Hey, another fact about this day.

Oh, yeah.

I was wearing the Lululemon underpants.

They're too hot for the south of France.

Too hot for France.

Yeah, they are perfect for winter in Australia slash summer in Edinburgh.

But yeah, I've had to de-lemon.

So are you Commando?

Are you wearing other pants?

Yeah.

Yes.

You're seeing other pants.

I mean, I've just got my togs on because as soon as this ends, I'm going to jump in the the pool.

As you remove your puky t-shirt, I'll be breathtaking around the pool with some bug-eyed rodents in it.

Do you want to guess then?

Come on, the quiz that people are calling it an insane quiz.

It's a very sensible quiz.

In Teddington, now six weeks ago, days apart, I saw a comedian putting up posters for his show, and then a footballer walked past me.

Who are they?

If you get one of them right of the two, it doesn't count.

Okay, Lee Evans and Darren Andreton.

Incorrect.

Nil's bar.

I'm going to stick sticking with Tim Vine and Graeme Lasseau.

Incorrect.

Let's keep playing.

Really?

Okay, let's keep playing.

If you'd like to get in touch with the show, here's how.

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com.

Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod.

And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

And if you didn't, please don't.

Thank you, David.

If you're coming tonight for Antony Empire, we can't wait to see you.

And if you're not, hopefully we'll see you again at some point when we do our live tour.

Is the success of the show,

will that decide whether we do a world tour?

I think so, yeah.

And also, I heard the bookers for the Royal Albert Hall are going to be there.

And if it goes well, Sydney Opera House, they're going to be there tonight.

A lot of big industry in.

This could make or break us.

And to the listeners, as I say that, Max has got a wet wipe and is wiping puke off his t-shirt.

Doesn't seem like he's going to change the t-shirt.

He's just going to

take a wide view on.

I probably will change this one because that is sort of a shoulder worth of sick.

So, you know, if it's a little bit, but right on the shoulder, I'll feel that when we go to the science museum.

I think you may have forgotten that everything is showbiz, and that was certainly showbiz.

See you, David.

Thanks, Max.

Hello, Max Rushton.

Here, you might remember me from Series 9, Episode 2, of Parenting Hell.

I'm here to tell you about Dog by the Bakery Door, the debut children's book by author Jamie Bruce.

Dog by the Bakery Door is a charming story of the magical things a little boy sees on a normal trip to get a coffee with his mum.

Perfect for newborns, three-year-olds, six-year-olds, all children.

Just Google Dog by the Bakery Door.

Here's a review from my three-year-old son.

Dog by the Bakery Door.

I have this book.

Full disclosure: the author might be his mother and my wife, but even more reason to buy it.

She has to live with us and a baby 24/7 and has sacrificed her career for mine while also being an amazing mum to two boys.

Thank you, goodbye.