WDWDY #37: A differently but equally exciting yesterday...

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Speaker 4 Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Speaker 2 Some might say too many.

Speaker 4 I have one already.

Speaker 2 I don't have any because there are enough.

Speaker 4 Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

Speaker 2 But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Speaker 4 Why is that? Are they scared?

Speaker 2 Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Speaker 4 Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.

Speaker 2 We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

Speaker 4 What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?

Speaker 2 That's it.

Speaker 4 All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.

Speaker 2 Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Speaker 4 Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.

Speaker 2 I'm Max Rushton. And I'm David O'Doherty.

Speaker 4 Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Speaker 4 Hello, and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? This is midweek Mayhem. I'm Max Rushton.
David O'Doherty is there. David, it feels like I saw you just moments ago.

Speaker 2 Does it feel like I'm in an exotic French Gallic type place and at any moment asterisks and obelisk, your faves, could just wander in behind me? Because it should, because I'm in France.

Speaker 4 Absolutely. Gerard Depot is behind you, just eating a chicken leg, just slobbering it into his mouth.

Speaker 2 He took a wee on on an aeralingus flight a few years ago like from i think they said you can't get up to go to the loo all right so he just did it in the old um corridor just in the aisle from his seat yeah i don't think he's a great bloke i think i think it's

Speaker 2 i thought you were about to defend it there you were gonna go nah nah you see the thing about girard is

Speaker 4 you've got to see it from both sides haven't you

Speaker 4 this is the day listeners will be quite possibly listening to this on the way to what did you do yesterday live. Wow, so that's exciting.

Speaker 4 So, if you get in touch with the podcast because you're coming to the show and you've got anything you want to tell, let's do it. We might read it out on the show because we've yet to.

Speaker 4 We have had a production meeting, WhatsApp group, where Dave and I put in different ideas, and then we don't read, we just put in different ideas.

Speaker 2 So, to the listeners who are or are not attending the live show, me and Max have never done this together.

Speaker 2 In fact, we have done this entirely separately with a tiny delay usually because Max is in Australia. And my fear is that that delay will transfer into real life.

Speaker 2 That as soon as you say anything, I'll count to 1001

Speaker 2 and then I'll say something sassy back to you.

Speaker 4 When I'm back in the UK and I'm doing talk to people shows in the studio with Charlie Baker or Barry Glenn Denning, people always say, look, you've got to be in the room, guys.

Speaker 4 To make these things work, you've got to be in the room. So I make a point on air of saying, I need to make these shows a bit worse than the ones where I'm not in the room.

Speaker 4 So the bosses go, you can't be in the room. So then I'm allowed to carry on doing the shows from Australia.
Have I seen you in the flesh since we started doing the podcast?

Speaker 2 No. The last time I saw you was when we went to a small pub in Melbourne.
And what's the name? The guy with the song about the shoes didn't turn up.

Speaker 4 Paola Natini.

Speaker 2 Paola Natini. Old Shoozy boy.
Shoesy boy. Did not turn up.
And that is two years ago, probably.

Speaker 4 How should we greet each other when we see each other?

Speaker 4 Do you want a big, long embrace?

Speaker 2 Interesting.

Speaker 4 Do you want just a very professional handshake as colleagues? As just colleagues.

Speaker 2 Or how about we don't, it's like the Eagles and we don't meet till we get out on stage. You know what I mean? We're delivered in

Speaker 2 separate limos to other sides of the stage and then we walk out what i'm looking forward to most from the live show is when the texts from mrs rushton start to come in are you still doing this that's at 10 past eight 10 minutes in please hurry up

Speaker 4 we should put them on a big screen

Speaker 4 no she's hoping to come She's hoping to get a babysitter come and then the babysitter will message her and she'll what we could do is she could sit on the stage with her phone.

Speaker 4 And then as soon as Ian or Willie wake up, she'll just leave and everyone will know what's happened there.

Speaker 4 She did say thank you to David for thanking me for being a good mum, she said.

Speaker 4 And regards the quiz, the insane quiz at the end, Paul Merston is a terrible guest because I would have said hello to him because I worked with him for years and we went to his wedding. Okay.

Speaker 2 She says. Oh, okay, fine, fine.
Well, I'm trying to get the helicopter to come over.

Speaker 4 Oh, that'd be good.

Speaker 2 I know, but she does very important

Speaker 2 work in the human rights field. I know.
So sometimes it's difficult to talk her into coming to listen to us going on about coming to bath.

Speaker 4 She not tried to bring that in to the human rights field.

Speaker 4 Next slide, please. Click.

Speaker 4 We have had some BOC feedback, which we'll get to shortly. Don says, Don Mateo, long time listener, first time caller, really enjoy the show.
A bit late on the feedback.

Speaker 4 I wanted to share the impact what did you do yesterday has had on my life. I live in the UK, my children, ages nine and eight, live in Spain.

Speaker 4 When I went to see them some months ago, I introduced them to the world of Curdle. What did you fondo yesterday, etc.? It was an instant hit.
It was adapted for the age group.

Speaker 4 Sometimes it was pizza toppings, favorite Disney characters, best saves by Denmark's third goalkeeper, etc.

Speaker 4 To such an extent, even the amazing Mars Bar's opening sequence had to be played each time before gameplay.

Speaker 4 Struck by the magnificence of this, the game was introduced to the playground of Collegio de Educación Infantile San Juan Saip, XXIII 23, Los Galados in the dry sands of Andalusia.

Speaker 4 Even now, can the noises of

Speaker 2 and bing bing bing bing bing be heard.

Speaker 4 The game being called KS ESO, SOS queso. What is this? This is cheese.

Speaker 4 Surely proves this show, as endorsed by Max's parents as the worst idea ever, is in fact genius, in it for life. Don Mateo, Hisio de Bastardo, the Lord Percy of Dingbat

Speaker 2 Wow I wonder if at the live show Lord Percy of Dingbat will make an appearance I doubt it I don't know I think you just might see 1500 people sitting in the stalls and you might decide this is the time to launch your improv career my improv career yeah you do a straight hour

Speaker 2 on different cod pieces

Speaker 4 and I'd like to do you know when impressionists just have like a tray behind them, yeah, like a trolley, and then they just put some glasses on and go, who's this? Who am I? Who am I?

Speaker 4 I'd really like to do this.

Speaker 2 You'd be a variety of obscure 90s footballers, though. You'd be like, I'm Mitch Davre of Ipswich.

Speaker 4 I'm Paul Goddard. Look at me.

Speaker 2 Oh, of course you are.

Speaker 4 I think Paul Goddard is sensational. Matt says, hi, Max and David.
B-F-O-T-P.

Speaker 4 I don't know what that means, but should I know what that means?

Speaker 2 B-F-O-T-P.

Speaker 4 Big fan of the pod. There you go.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 4 On that subject, one of my favorite musical artists is Boards of Canada.

Speaker 4 However, I can no longer listen to their singular brand of hauntological esoterica without conjuring some particularly visceral mental imagery. Thanks, Matt, that BOC is B-O-C everywhere.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 On the same note, Dominica says, I've long accepted that everything is showbiz, but was hesitant to admit that what did you do yesterday is the center of the known universe until today.

Speaker 4 Or at the very least, it appears to be the center of my universe. As I was strolling along the road listening to Dare I Say Another podcast,

Speaker 4 I was stopped in my track to what appeared to be a shop offering baths of cup.

Speaker 4 I stopped and looked around me to see if anyone else was seeing what I was seeing. But lo and behold, none of the city office folks seemed concerned about the BOC sign dangling in the wind.

Speaker 4 It took me far too long to realize BOC could, in fact, refer to other things. In this case, it was the Bank of Ceylon.

Speaker 2 Imagine how long it would take to fill that place. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Speaking of how long it takes to fill the bath,

Speaker 4 and I'm so glad this, I'm just reading this to you so you and not to merry beard.

Speaker 4 John says, dear, what did you do yesterday, pod? Hello, David, Max and Marsba.

Speaker 4 A short but significant email to say that the average blue whale ejaculation contains around 20 liters or 10 to 20% of the volume of an average bathtub. Wow.

Speaker 4 I will leave it to you to judge whether it's easier to fill the BOC by collecting the ejaculator 10 blue whales or 11,500 gig attendees.

Speaker 2 I respect that, but I don't want to wank off whales either. So, yeah, I still don't think

Speaker 2 either is the answer. Wow, that is, that's a little.

Speaker 2 I did once see elephants at it in Taronga Zoo in Sydney.

Speaker 2 And yeah, I was

Speaker 2 struck by, it was like a water main had burst. Okay,

Speaker 2 let's not go on about this anymore.

Speaker 2 You do wonder, if we keep talking about being the center of the universe and then people keep writing in with these incredible coincidences, does that go to our heads? And do we become cult leaders?

Speaker 4 I suppose, because really the podcast began from thinking that everyone is insignificant. Yeah.
So nobody is significant.

Speaker 4 And if the actual conclusion is that you and I are the most significant people on earth.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 That would be quite a turn up.

Speaker 2 It really would. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I mean, it hasn't changed me yet.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And from a cult point of view, yeah, it'd be a lot of bland food associated with it.
You know, bowls of dry oats, stuff like that.

Speaker 4 Well, no, they'd be in a bolognese on the go.

Speaker 4 Of all the cults to be in, right? Yeah. Apart from the fact you might have to do some childcare for me.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 4 I think it would be quite a nice cult. Because the real big issues are we really want your coffee to be good in the morning

Speaker 4 you'll probably get a cycle ride yeah

Speaker 4 there'll be always be a bolognese i don't want to get onto the importance of or not or you know the the dangers of organized religion but i think that as a religion would be quite a good one yeah

Speaker 4 everyone would be pretty chill yeah okay but eat a lot of spaghetti let's think about it then maybe we'll launch it at the live show good idea lock the doors

Speaker 2 that's it

Speaker 4 who's on after us cirque du soleil they're not performing because we're here forever. Stuin Aberdeen writes.
Hi, Max. Hi, Barry.
Hi, Marsba. I hope you're both well.
First time.

Speaker 2 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You just said Max Barry.
That's what I said. Marsba.

Speaker 2 Fuck's sake.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 I've been doing this for over a year now.

Speaker 4 How quickly are you not the center of the universe? It's just a matter of seconds.

Speaker 2 So to the listeners, Barry is the genial Irish guy that he does his sports stuff with. A lovely man, but not me.

Speaker 2 Are we just

Speaker 2 all interchangeable? Could it just be Dara, Patrick Kealty, W.B. Yates, Seamus Heaney? Just any Irishman and Max equals a podcast.

Speaker 4 AOI, any old Irishman. That's what I say.
My agent says, who do you want for this?

Speaker 2 I just say, AOI, hang up.

Speaker 4 Hi, Max. Hi, Barry.
Hi, Master Barth. Hope you're both well.
First time, long time and all that.

Speaker 2 I'm from Offaly

Speaker 2 my dad is a vet.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, that's good stuff. I've been bothered into writing by everythingisshowbiz.com.

Speaker 4 It's a wonderful resource, brilliantly put together, but I'm worried now that your knowing about it is going to be its undoing.

Speaker 4 Recently, a few mentions of everythingishobiz.com have been followed with a reference to friend of the show, Ernest Shackleton.

Speaker 4 Now, I worry, since you're mentioning him as a result of how often you're mentioning him, it's artificially boosting the number of times that Mr.

Speaker 4 Shackleton has received, thus making the website statistics useless. I'm loath to write this as I feel I may skew them further, but felt it needed to be done before it got any worse.
Love to you all.

Speaker 4 Keep up the good work. Lots of love, Stuart from Aberdeen.

Speaker 2 Well, friend of the podcast, Sir Ernest Shackleton,

Speaker 2 who tragically left us in 1920, maybe somewhere around then.

Speaker 4 But he did love the pod.

Speaker 2 He knew it was coming.

Speaker 2 And in his long trek to the South Pole, which heroically, and in a way, this is one of the most heroic things in the history of Antarctic exploration.

Speaker 2 He was 100 miles from the Pole, which would have made him the first before Amundsen.

Speaker 2 And he elected to turn back because he calculated they may not have enough food to get all the way there and back, thus putting the crew in jeopardy.

Speaker 2 So it's a delight that to me that he is such a fan of the pod. Thank you, Sir Ernest.

Speaker 4 Tragically, died whacking off a blue whale.

Speaker 2 In the words of Alan Brazil, I've heard different things.

Speaker 4 Lynn says, hi Max David, love the pod. The cycling shirt delivered to flat two reminded me of my birthday this year in Brisbane.

Speaker 4 My best friend from Bristol Uni in the 80s asked gently if I'd received a bunch of flowers. A bit more investigation and we both realized she'd sent them to my old flat.

Speaker 4 It's only a couple of kilometers away. So I went round later that day.
A nice lady opened the door. I told her my name and I said, just wondering if you had any deliveries for me.

Speaker 4 She said, not even looking embarrassed, oh yeah, I was about to call you. This was four days after the flowers had been delivered.

Speaker 4 She took me into the flat where the flowers were on the table as far as possible from the front door as they could be, with her two elderly parents looking at them.

Speaker 4 I'm an intensive care nurse and also look after mum and dad. They've enjoyed them a lot, she said.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 4 I was wondering, holding up the card that said, dear Lynn, lots of love on your birthday from Ellie with my mobile number written just under that.

Speaker 4 Is this your mobile? She said innocently.

Speaker 4 Not caring about the obvious tug at my heartstrings with the intensive nurse elderly parents.

Speaker 4 I marched over, grabbed the flowers, said, Thank you so much for looking after them and left in rage and fury. I wanted to say, obviously, that's my number.

Speaker 4 And in four days, you couldn't call it, but I wasn't brave enough. I hope you get the shirt back.
Surely your show business that they won't try to keep it. Keep up the fad pod.

Speaker 4 Say hello to Mars Bar 2. Cheers, Linz.

Speaker 2 That's cheeky. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, I guess with perishables, if it was...

Speaker 2 dinner in a box, you know, if a deliveroo is left on the wrong step, you can't be holding on to that for four days and say you were about to drop it over just some falafels please you were falafels

Speaker 4 oh hang on jamie's calling this is exciting this is live updates yeah do you have five minutes i'm fighting for my life down here i need a towel wet wipes please s-o-s give me one second

Speaker 2 I'm fighting for my life. It's very hard not to run away from what she did yesterday when you get that text.
Looks like it's just you and me now, Marsbar. I'm back.
Crisis averted.

Speaker 4 I wouldn't say averted, but you know, we've stemmed the flow of blood.

Speaker 2 Shit.

Speaker 4 Carl in Poole says, Dear Max David and Marsbar, just listening to the excellent Mary Beard episode and her asserting what fantastic historical material the pod would make, she used the words that struck with me, give it to the Bodleian.

Speaker 4 Surely this is the new hang it in the Louvre for the podcasting generation.

Speaker 4 If you were to give it to the Bodleian in years to come, when someone may be researching the history of Sanskrit or the manuscripts of Jane Austen, they can at the same time also find out how many shits Nis Kumar did in a day.

Speaker 4 So the next time a guest says something particularly illuminating or momentous, remember to respond. Give it to the Bodleian.
Keep up the good work. Everything is showbiz.
Carl Baldwin in Poole.

Speaker 4 Thank you, Carl. Wow.

Speaker 2 And she upgraded our undergraduate degrees as well. Yeah.
Me to a first. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Well done. Congratulations.
Should we play there just normal countries?

Speaker 2 If we're able to play that, that, I'm in favor of it.

Speaker 4 Here's the jingle.

Speaker 4 The guess is so far. Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana, Northern Marianas Islands, Bhutan, Brunei, Nepal, Esbatini, U.S.

Speaker 4 Virgin Islands, Equatorial Guinea, San Marino, correct. Liechtenstein, Turkmenistan.

Speaker 2 Interruption. Whenever you list them like that, I think of Enya's song Orinoco Flow, where you list any number of countries and I just sing, sail away, sail away, sail away.

Speaker 4 Maybe we'll do that tonight at the Hackney Empire. Wow.
Maybe Enya is the special guest.

Speaker 2 It's a special guest.

Speaker 4 Imagine if it's Enya.

Speaker 2 Blow my mind.

Speaker 4 Dear Max, David, and Marsba, I'm a 13-year-old in Canada and I love the pod. I've been trying to think of a reason to write in, and the Tom Basdin episode finally gave me the chance.

Speaker 4 I heard that Tom's son played a game called Tocatina on the piano, and I realized I had played the very same song in my grade six strings class on the cello.

Speaker 4 My family came to the pod through an uncommon scenario, having to google David rather than Max.

Speaker 4 My dad has been listening to Football Weekly for years and has recently become obsessed with UK comedians. The podcast is a perfect medley, he says.

Speaker 2 I'm an Irish comedian, but as the old joke goes, you Americans all make the same mistake. I know he's Canadian.
Thank you.

Speaker 4 My dad somehow thinks he is Max's long-lost twin until he learned of Max's tragic ineptitude with tools and other practical skills. Just like Max believes he is Guy Montgomery's.

Speaker 4 Our family is now subjected to second-hand anecdotes of what happened in Max's yesterdays, which is somehow even more boring than hearing it from Max himself.

Speaker 4 I would also like to submit my guess for their just normal countries. My guess is the Seychelles.
My reasoning for that is the official language is English.

Speaker 4 Population, 119,000, is low enough that having only one listener is completely plausible. It also has my favorite flag.
Thank you for adding something so silly, yet so meaningful to my day.

Speaker 4 It's something my dad and I share together and it brings us a lot of joy. All the best.
Ian, yet another reason why my dad thinks you and he are the same. Thank you, Ian.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 4 So, Marsba. Firstly, are under 18s allowed to enter their just normal countries? Funny if you said no.

Speaker 2 Yes, they are. That's fine.

Speaker 4 Okay, Seychelles. Is it correct?

Speaker 2 I'm going to say we're hot because a lot of tourists go there, I'd say a lot of people kick back on the beach listening to what did you do yesterday.

Speaker 4 Are we huge in the Seychelles, Mars?

Speaker 2 I'm going to put the listenership at over 60, Mars Barr. At the time of recording, we had had 84 listens on the Seychelles.

Speaker 4 Live show in the Seychelles.

Speaker 4 Let's do our second live show in the Seychelles. We may lose money, but imagine how good it would be.

Speaker 2 Max, do you have any questions for me? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 I have a question for you, David. Yeah, what time did you wake up yesterday?

Speaker 2 So the Edinburgh Fringe has finished. Yep.
And David Adardi has jetted, I think is the verb that you use when people from showbiz, such as myself, go anywhere on a plane. And I have jetted to Nice.

Speaker 2 to the south of France, where Helencopter has picked me up and taken me in a Renault. Everything about France is so French.
That's the thing about it. She's taken me to a little.

Speaker 2 The chateau is too strong, but it's a French house with many extensions that is between Marseille and Nice, kind of inland a bit, surrounded by what I insist on calling wine trees, but she tells me are in fact vines.

Speaker 2 And I woke up yesterday, yesterday, my first good post-Edinburgh sleep at 10.30.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 4 Yes, I did. Just if you remember for the tape, this is exactly the same day as I had on the last midwinter meeting.
And I know there's a time difference, right? So it's 9.30 UK time, but

Speaker 4 we're just on different paths at the moment. That is unbelievable.

Speaker 2 A bunch of Helen's friends are staying here.

Speaker 4 How big is your mansion? Or they're in a different place? It's three,

Speaker 2 might be four bedrooms. So there are five friends and two kids, two adorable kids staying here.
And so I went down, I had the most French breakfast possible.

Speaker 4 A bowl of hot chocolate.

Speaker 2 Yes, there was hot chocolate. There was just baguette.
I mean, where we are, it's the distant sound of accordions fills the air.

Speaker 4 Le Beau and Le Comforture.

Speaker 2 David, can you get on the Peugeot bicycle and cycle to the Santreville, to the Petisserie to get more baguette? It's literally

Speaker 2 yogurt all the rest of us.

Speaker 2 This idyl was shattered by the fact that I had to come upstairs and record an episode of What Did You Do Yesterday with the wonderful Alan Davies.

Speaker 2 Now, an interesting thing happened there because as I sit here today in the same place, we've got shutters on the outside of the building and those kind of windows that are like shutters that come in.

Speaker 2 And it's beautifully calm out there today. Yesterday during that podcast,

Speaker 2 the sky went dark, the first monsoon-like rain of the season,

Speaker 2 and some distant electrical flashes all while we were listening to... Alan Davis talk about how his dog attacks other dogs, but fails to attack burglars.

Speaker 2 In fact, just loves anyone who appears in the garden.

Speaker 4 I don't know if that episode is out already, but my favorite bit of that episode was his research call with Saturday Kitchen.

Speaker 2 I really enjoyed that bit.

Speaker 2 Especially with someone like him, whereby... Because they want to tee you up for a story or whatever, but he's just going to say something completely different.
He's going to be a really good guest.

Speaker 2 Just don't worry about it, guys.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah, 100%.

Speaker 2 I went downstairs then. so the torrential rain is falling it's still quite warm here though

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 the entire group is gathered around a large dining table doing shrinky dinks do you know what shrinky dinks are i don't know what shrinky dinks are shrinky dinks are you draw a picture on a piece of plastic this is obviously with the kids we're all doing some crafting and you draw and color in a picture on a sheet of plastic you then cut it out and put it in the oven where

Speaker 2 it gets smaller and kind of forms into a badge.

Speaker 4 Oh, that's fun. What did you draw?

Speaker 2 Well, everyone else, because where we are in Provence is the center of, it's where all the Impressionists came. I feel the other people went with.

Speaker 4 Aleister McGowan, Roy Bretmore.

Speaker 2 Cézanne,

Speaker 2 the big three.

Speaker 2 The others were all doing little Matisas

Speaker 2 and the kids were doing dinosaurs. Love it.
I decided to make a beautiful tribute to the Helencopter by drawing her face and writing Helen underneath it.

Speaker 2 My plan was I would put it between the see-through case and the back of my phone. So she would always be there.
However, I drew her looking incredibly gormless. Ah.

Speaker 4 But actually, presumably as it gets smaller, she'd get less gormless.

Speaker 2 So you would think.

Speaker 2 As it happened, she looked more chaotic there as well.

Speaker 2 I have a problem with eyes. I think I always draw big round eyes with dots in the middle like primary school boobs.

Speaker 4 Or like a sort of like Droopy the Dog.

Speaker 2 Exactly. She looks like a single idea has never passed through her head.
And not only that, but in the oven, somehow my shrinky dink folds over on itself.

Speaker 4 Oh, dear.

Speaker 2 It's not going to fit in my phone case. Maybe for the best.

Speaker 2 I decide then with one of the kids who is four and a half, five, that I'll get in the pool. There's a pool here.

Speaker 4 Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 And it's still raining a little bit.

Speaker 4 Oh, fun. Pool in the rain.

Speaker 2 And I'm a fun uncle as well.

Speaker 2 You may not know this about me. I'm also an absolute chaos merchant.

Speaker 2 We've got an inflatable killer whale and an inflatable alligator in the pool.

Speaker 2 So initially, I'm jumping onto them, trying to stay up, but they're flipping over and to the great entertainment of the kid.

Speaker 4 And is the four and a half year old a good enough swimmer?

Speaker 2 Four and a half year old initially, I think, because I'm splashing so much. is just watching from the distance in one of those kind of inflatable tutus ready for her moment to come in.

Speaker 2 However, I have turned into the splash monster and every time anyone comes near the pool, I hide under the killer whale and then absolutely soak them. It's good stuff.
It's really good stuff.

Speaker 4 They're enjoying it. They're enjoying it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, everyone loves it with the exception of Helen, who I keep getting really, really wet. But it's the holidays, guys.

Speaker 4 She is Helen rolling her eyes. Is she like, this is fun?

Speaker 4 Is she...

Speaker 4 Oh, it's Willie Rushton. He's entered the chat.
Is the Helen Copper. Does she roll her eyes? She's happy that you're the fun uncle.

Speaker 2 She's very happy. And

Speaker 2 we then move on to, I think they're called sinkies,

Speaker 2 which are plastic things that are thrown into the bottom of the pool that stand up like flowers. And it seems to be me more than the four and a half-year-old has to swim down and pick up.

Speaker 4 When you come out of the pool, do you hold it up and look for affirmation from an adult?

Speaker 4 I got it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 Or when I go to hand it to the four and a half year old, my hand sort of slips and I throw it back into the deep head again.

Speaker 4 Good stuff.

Speaker 2 I'm very happy to be a complete idiot here.

Speaker 4 When we book a villa for the four of us, me, you,

Speaker 4 the helicopter and Jamie, and the children are slightly older, will you do this for hours?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll do this for, it's actually an incredible workout as well.

Speaker 4 The incidental fitness is wild.

Speaker 2 Especially when you're climbing out of the pool, just the act of pushing yourself up out of water. Maybe it's because I've done virtually nothing for the last month in Edinburgh.

Speaker 2 I'm having the absolute time of my life.

Speaker 4 Oh, this is so wonderful.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I even try a few, I ask everyone to look at my dives.
I am just an eight-year-old. Yeah.
And then I just belly flop in in an attempt to soak everyone. It's good gear.

Speaker 4 Did you try a backwards dive?

Speaker 2 No, too scared.

Speaker 4 Too scared of that. What about butterfly?

Speaker 2 Oh, butterfly butterfly just as a means to splashing everyone.

Speaker 4 By doing the stroke, saying I can do a length of butterfly, because no actual human can do a length of butterfly. That's not physically possible.
It's not a swimming stroke.

Speaker 2 I did. I tried to do all of my strokes, yes.
But then also

Speaker 2 water pistoling became a thing, which doesn't really count because you're already fully wet, but there is still something about pointing a water pistol at people and squishing them that is joyous in this situation as it rains too.

Speaker 4 Any of the other adults in the pool?

Speaker 2 No, just me.

Speaker 4 Just you. Okay.
Just the kids in the pool.

Speaker 2 The four and a half-year-old has got in, but kind of only up to her waist because I'm quite literally hogging the whole pool.

Speaker 4 And are they actually paying you any attention?

Speaker 4 Are they still inside? Are they now talking about the war inside?

Speaker 4 The kids are colouring another room, and you're just splashing around like a dog.

Speaker 2 So it actually stops raining then, and we walk. There's a river just at the end of the garden.
I mean, this is magical stuff.

Speaker 4 What an idyll. This is so...
I mean, it's not doing someone's laces up that you've never met a little boy on an estate in Hackney, but it is almost there.

Speaker 2 It is interesting to map this day on to your day.

Speaker 2 We walk down to the river. If I could compare this place to anywhere, there's a Timothy Chalamay movie called Call Me By Your Name, which I think is set in Italy, but it's a very similar idea to that.

Speaker 4 Right. How is the question, what did you do, Chalamet? Because I was thinking about just going on to, I don't know, Oprah's Instagram and DMing her.
Because you never know. One of them might say yes.

Speaker 4 Say, like, would you want to come on? But has anyone made any contact with Chalamet? Because it could be good for him.

Speaker 2 Do any of our guests, would you say, know Chalam? John Robbins, he might. No, he doesn't know Chalamet.

Speaker 4 I don't know. I don't really know a lot of Chalamet's work.

Speaker 2 Chalamet was Bob Dylan in the recent Bob Dylan film.

Speaker 4 Okay, I know Bob Dylan is.

Speaker 2 Nish loves Bob Dylan. So maybe we can get some sort of a lead there.

Speaker 4 Okay, yeah, that's a good one.

Speaker 2 I'll work on that. Walk to the river.
You can jump into the river, but you do notice how the river is significantly colder than the pool. Got it.
But it's still nice to get that contrast. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I'm comparing the temperatures of different beautiful bodies of water while you eat freezing beans out of a tin in a car park.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 That's okay.

Speaker 2 You're not going to like this either.

Speaker 4 And on the walk back, there's a beautiful French restaurant with a table outside.

Speaker 2 That's later in the evening. Okay.
Does a full patank pitch.

Speaker 4 Oh, stop it. With like 200-year-old men, one really round, one really thin.
They've got little magnets, so they don't need to lean down to get the ball. They just pick up the ball.

Speaker 4 They've been playing for the last 25,000 years.

Speaker 2 Patank to the listener is, I think it's the same as boules, is it? Patonka, because we did a quiz the night before, means feet together.

Speaker 2 And it's one of the most beautifully simple games ever.

Speaker 2 You throw a small ball. Are you an overall?

Speaker 4 Are you a wristy man or just a roller?

Speaker 2 Oh, no. I come in.

Speaker 4 from a height. Yeah, okay, yes, good.

Speaker 2 I try and sort of McElroy it, almost backspin it.

Speaker 4 Got it towards it. You open the face, Phil Mickelson style.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's really, really good. And we do that.
Now, what's beautiful about that is the four and a half year old is almost immediately just as good as us. Yeah, great.

Speaker 2 Because you're just rolling things at things and everyone understands that. Stroll back to the house where I drink a lemonade from the fridge.

Speaker 4 Beautiful. That

Speaker 2 I'm feeling something. What are these feelings? I look down.
It's 1% alcohol lemonade.

Speaker 4 Citron de bar de bon.

Speaker 2 Classic frenchies have just snuck a little bit of captain good time into that lemonade delicious then

Speaker 2 eat some french bickies everyone else in the house has been to the super marche

Speaker 2 and like choco leibnitz would be the only one that people might know choco leibnitz it's a butter biscuit with a thick layer of milk or dark what's your leibnitz of choice there is milk rego leibnitz and then a wafer Leibniz.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 yeah, with a big, thick load of chocolate on top. Absolutely wonderful stuff.

Speaker 4 It's like a movie with Emma Thompson.

Speaker 2 But nothing's happening in the movie.

Speaker 4 Well, no, I know, but that's fine.

Speaker 2 There's going to be a murder or something like that if Thompson's around.

Speaker 4 That's true, okay. Maybe Thompson's the wrong pick.
What happened in Peter's Friends? It sounds like that.

Speaker 2 Peter's Friends, I think they just meet 10 years after college.

Speaker 4 Oh, I see.

Speaker 2 And none of them.

Speaker 4 It's like a film that I don't know.

Speaker 2 That's another one of the great pull quotes from the history of this podcast.

Speaker 2 I decide to read a book then. It's been a stressful day so far.

Speaker 4 Of course you do. All right.
So what are you sitting on for this?

Speaker 2 There are just placed around the Patonk pitch are some nice like day beds.

Speaker 4 Yeah, of course they are.

Speaker 2 So I just lie on that. Also, the rain has held off and I need to dry out my togs.

Speaker 2 So I will start to read Doppelganger by Naomi Klein, which is a fascinating book about how she has been confused with Naomi Wolfe, who is another woman called Naomi, who kind of went quite conspiracy during the pandemic.

Speaker 2 Naomi Wolfe did, and Naomi Klein would just constantly get messages, a bit like me and Barry. People thinking we are, in fact, the same person.
This is all tiring stuff, Max.

Speaker 4 It is, yeah, it sounds exhausting.

Speaker 2 So, we're going to need to go off to

Speaker 2 the village. No, actually, I don't nap because I've slept for possibly 12 hours the night before.

Speaker 4 That takes me a week.

Speaker 2 So, we go to an adorable restaurant in Cotignac.

Speaker 2 We go through Carces,

Speaker 2 which I think is the village where we are. And for some reason, I decide I will become a Carces Ultra and just talk down Cotignac, which is the next adorable village along the road.

Speaker 2 And just keep saying, this is bullshit. This main street with all these fairy lines.

Speaker 4 Sort of Ross Noble tipping point approach.

Speaker 2 It's exactly that.

Speaker 4 Exactly.

Speaker 2 We need to go to Carces, and the reason I decide it's great is because we need to refill our bladder of rosé.

Speaker 2 I might as well have just said chase a goose there. But we're down to the last litre of rosé.

Speaker 4 Oh, God. Crisis.
It's a crisis, everybody.

Speaker 4 It's a crisis. Do you want me to fly over and help?

Speaker 4 Let's start a crowdfunder with David.

Speaker 2 We go

Speaker 2 party of, what is it, seven, nine, eight, whatever our total is, go to this beautiful family-run restaurant with a guy playing really good flamenco guitar.

Speaker 4 Very simple menu.

Speaker 2 Such a simple menu. Yeah, of course.
He just says, we have ribs on this evening. Is that good for you all? And we say, yes, it is.

Speaker 4 Caraffes, carafs everywhere.

Speaker 2 We're in Rose country now. Right.
So, yep, we get the local rose.

Speaker 4 Are you sitting with the kids' table?

Speaker 4 You're on the kids' table.

Speaker 4 Little chairs. The kids.
Slightly lower than the other table.

Speaker 2 Interestingly, they hear the flamenco music and just immediately start doing what appears to be flamenco dancing with no knowledge of what flamenco dancing is.

Speaker 2 There is something within that that causes you to sort of raise a fist to the sky and spin around.

Speaker 2 We have our adorable food. Someone has fish, loads of rose,

Speaker 2 bags of bread, like paper bags of bread are brought to the table.

Speaker 4 This is the most agonizing day you've had so far. Wonderful.
It's getting worse.

Speaker 2 It's getting worse and worse now. Because I decide to be the big man.
And because I've been eating and drinking them out of house and home and did not contribute to the Super Marche

Speaker 4 trip at all. Are you getting dinner? I say

Speaker 2 I'll get dinner, which in any other place would be a big swinging Mickey move but when I see the price of it I'm like wow you won it's 28 euros yeah exactly

Speaker 2 like definitely me and Rose Mattefeo have eaten meals in Edinburgh that cost more than this dinner for nine

Speaker 2 and yeah go for a little stroll around the town

Speaker 2 Helen Cupter's brother got married in the L'Edlise

Speaker 2 right there it all appears to be not yesterday I mean you would have brought them up

Speaker 2 from the 16th century. Came back home then.

Speaker 2 We just sit around a table outdoors.

Speaker 2 Oh

Speaker 2 what is that Willie?

Speaker 2 I know this is difficult to listen to but we have to get through it.

Speaker 4 It's nearly done.

Speaker 4 It's okay. We'll have days like this one day.
Here's what happens though.

Speaker 2 We're sitting at a table outdoors and I'm drinking, I think I have another shandy, I have some wine and maybe a vermouth.

Speaker 2 You know, I want to be in peak condition for the recording of this, so only drink six to eight delightful small glasses of these drinks. But just when the whole thing's relaxed, oh, the loire appears.

Speaker 2 Now, what is a loir? It's a sort of a squirrelly. I'm going to say squirrel because it has a furry tail, but it does seem like a large mouse.
Now, it does have huge eyes.

Speaker 2 So, again, that distances it from what I would describe as rodent country.

Speaker 4 Right, it's the eyes that you draw.

Speaker 4 Has your drawing, has your tiny trinket on it?

Speaker 4 It's come to life. It's Helen.
The rodent Helen has come to life.

Speaker 2 They live in the ivy around this country house, and they start leaping into the trees above our heads.

Speaker 4 Oh, that's nice. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 It's not particularly nice at all. It's quite terrifying.
But everyone else, because they've been here for a few days, seems quite relaxed with it. So suddenly, I just have to be calm.
Quite cool.

Speaker 2 Yeah. In what is one of the most terrifying-I mean, terrifying is too strong.
Word in that adorable cartoon mice are leaping over my head. Bats are also flittering around the swimming pool as well.

Speaker 2 This is nice. It's a return to nature in many ways.
I remember I have this podcast, and

Speaker 2 I need to be in peak physical and mental condition for it. So certainly on the eighth drink, I announce that.

Speaker 4 You're retiring. It's the sort of place where you say, I shall retire to bed, isn't it? Yes.
And Lord Percy of Dingbat says, we'll see you in the morning.

Speaker 2 I learned an incredible fact from one of our party

Speaker 2 that...

Speaker 2 I mean, we need someone. Can anyone check this? That sharks are older than trees.
What? Sharks have been around longer than trees

Speaker 2 because they've survived various ears. Is that true? Could that possibly be true?

Speaker 4 I mean, I think it's not. All sharks are not older than all trees.

Speaker 2 Mars bars just come up in the chat and it simply says true. Sharks are older than trees.

Speaker 4 That's interesting, isn't it?

Speaker 2 Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 Adieu, I say. No, actually, you don't say adieu because I think adieu actually means I'll never see you again.
Adiento. I say, good night.

Speaker 4 Ademin.

Speaker 2 Ademin. Mars bars come up in the chat again.
450 million years first shark. 390 million years first tree.

Speaker 4 Wow. Both quite a long time ago.
Yeah. Neither of them yesterday, if we're being honest.

Speaker 4 We're being true to ourselves.

Speaker 2 I mosey up to bed where

Speaker 2 I did get bitten a bit last night. If you're looking for whatever the opposite of a silver lining is, if you just need to find some badness in the middle of the day.

Speaker 4 I need to find the cloud. Yeah.

Speaker 4 i got a little bit i don't know if they're a moment hopefully by an xl bully or whatever it's called

Speaker 2 xl bullies live in the rafters and they come out after dark and they have removed one of my

Speaker 2 humorous down to the bone but i'm having such a nice time i don't really mind i'll make it to the hospital hopefully at some point and yeah that was That was my yesterday, Max.

Speaker 4 Lovely day. Do you want to see how much vomit is on my?

Speaker 2 I've missed that oh wow

Speaker 2 you've got a podcast through the pain hey another fact about this day oh yeah i was wearing the lululemon underpants they're too hot for the south of france too hot for france yeah they are perfect for winter in australia slash summer in edinburgh but yeah i've had to delemon so are you commando uh are you wearing other pants yeah

Speaker 4 yes you're seeing other pants

Speaker 2 I mean, I've just got my togs on because as soon as this ends, I'm going to jump in the pool. As you remove your puky t-shirt, I'll be breathtaking around the pool with some bug-eyed rodents in it.

Speaker 4 Do you want to guess then? Come on, the quiz that people are calling it an insane quiz. It's a very sensible quiz.

Speaker 4 In Teddington, now six weeks ago, days apart, I saw a comedian putting up posters for his show and then a footballer walk past me.

Speaker 2 Who are they?

Speaker 4 If you get one of them right of the two, it doesn't count.

Speaker 2 Okay, uh lee evans and darren andreton incorrect nice i'm gonna stay with tim vine and graham lasso incorrect let's keep playing really okay let's keep playing if you'd like to get in touch with the show here's how

Speaker 4 To get in touch with the show, you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod.

Speaker 4 And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform and if you didn't please don't

Speaker 4 thank you david if you're coming tonight for happy empower we can't wait to see you and if you're not hopefully we'll see you again at some point when we do our live tour is the success of the show

Speaker 2 will that decide whether we do a world tour i think so yeah and also i heard the bookers for the royal albert hall are going to be there and if it goes well sydney uh opera house they're going to be there there tonight.

Speaker 2 A lot of big industry in. This could make or break us.
And to the listeners, as I say that, Max has got a wet wipe and is wiping puke off his t-shirt.

Speaker 2 Doesn't seem like he's going to change the t-shirt. He's just going to carry it.

Speaker 4 I'll take a wide view on. I probably will change this one because that is sort of a shoulder worth past sick.

Speaker 4 So, you know, if it's a little bit, but right on the shoulder, I'll feel that when we go to the science museum.

Speaker 2 I think you may have forgotten that everything is showbiz.

Speaker 2 And that was certainly showbiz.

Speaker 4 See you, Tevi.

Speaker 2 Thanks, Max!

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