WDWDY #43: The A - Z of What Did You Do Yesterday?

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Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Some might say too many.

I have one already.

I don't have any because there are enough.

Politics, business, sport, you name it.

There's a podcast about it.

And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Why is that?

Are they scared?

Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Possibly, but not us.

We're here to ask the only question that matters.

We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

That's it.

All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.

Day before yesterday, Max?

Nope.

The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.

I'm Max Rushton.

And I'm David O'Daugherty.

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Hello and welcome to today's episode of Midweek Mayhem, a podcast spin-off of What Did You Do Yesterday, starring me, Generic Man 3, Max Rushton, and David O'Doherty, Irish comedian.

Welcome, David.

I've just had such a confusing moment.

Oh, what's happened?

This will fit into my yesterday, but because this is my today and it's just happened.

Look, if I'm honest, I've been up for an hour, okay?

Which I think that's the minimum time time you should be up before you record one of these podcasts.

Okay,

and last night, my partner, the helicopter, had gone to bed before me for reasons.

We'll get to the point.

Hang on, interrupt.

You appear to be giving us some of your yesterday, A, okay, not in chronological order, and B, not where it fits in the episode of May Hem.

I'll pivot to the today.

Okay, because I am a conscientious person,

I strip down

to my t-shirt and Lululemons in the bathroom.

This morning?

No, last night before I go up to bed.

Right, I see.

Oh, yeah, I understand.

Yeah.

You know, so I'm not clomping around

in the room.

But I leave them on the side of the bath, the trousers with the shoes under it.

And when I come down,

a badger is wearing them lying in the bath.

No, it just, because of the sleepy state of me an hour ago and this really it opened me with a jump.

I thought there was a man standing in the bathroom

because I saw shoes and trousers.

Right.

And then kind of like, I think it's a joke in Top Secret, the Val Kilmer movie by the airplane guys, where he is crawling through a field and he sees like some boots in front of him and he goes up and they're just boots in a field.

Similar to that, when I got to the height of the bath, it was nothing else.

But I had two concurrent thoughts.

One was, there's someone in my bathroom.

And secondly, they're wearing very similar clothes to me.

Were you thinking if there is an intruder, right?

If the intruder is also wearing Lululemon, you think this podcast is really doing well.

Take what you want, especially if they tell you.

Because I mean, I don't have experience.

When the Subaru was stolen, they didn't stop in to have a chat.

Yeah.

And certainly, we didn't get to the stage of what underwear do you normally carry?

What are you normally wearing, Mr.

Robber?

But if you got to that stage, just imagine the coincidence.

Yeah.

You'd have to stop, chat about that.

Anyway, we have some breaking news.

Producer Will is manning the buttons in the absence of Mars Bar.

Will, welcome.

Hi.

It's very much on the fact that this podcast is the center of the universe.

But what happened to you?

Was it yesterday or just the other day?

No, it was actually yesterday.

And that's very relevant to the podcast.

It really is.

Yeah.

Perfect.

So I woke up at 6 a.m.

No, I was.

That's the whole rest of this podcast.

Producer Will just straight in.

So yesterday evening, when I was returning home from a busy day in working in Soho, I was on the Elizabeth line going east and it was quite a cramped train and I was standing next to someone.

They got out their phone and in that kind of distracted way where you kind of can't help but look at someone's phone over their shoulder.

I clocked that this person was listening to an episode of what did you do yesterday yes yes and did you say i produced that sometimes i didn't speak to her because it's london okay and question

was the only reason they weren't doubled up in hysterics like lying on the floor the amount of passengers do you think if the passengers had discerned they would have collapsed no actually do you know what before i noticed the phone i did notice that she had a lovely little smile on her face oh okay that's good he's definitely added that in just to put a nice little ending on this I heard that the tube sometimes is like a silent disco but instead of having music on they're all at all times listening to what she did yesterday it's just different episodes yeah so some more pathos you know when Alison Spittle goes to visit her grandfather a beautiful boot seeing the lights over Redding meanwhile there's a guy in the back listening to Dar O'Brien talking about masturbating and you're like, okay, yeah, you can't see him.

I had a conversation with O'Brien.

He's furious, mostly about our depiction of.

So Jonathan Wilson was in the Arctic Circle and watched Aurora Borealis with the Tottenham Hotspur press officer.

Yeah, you made it sound like it was a gig.

And I just threw out a line as to what I actually checked what I said on everythingishowbiz.com, where if you ever need to get the exact wording of what was said, I said, what's it caused by, oh, it's atmospheric heat or something, isn't it?

That's what I said.

And now, nerd boy O'Brien has come in, has he?

Yeah, absolutely furious.

Tell me about charged particles and the sun and solar wind and stuff.

Calculus head there.

Dara.

I had my hand over the talky bit of the phone and I was just shaking my head.

Was it like, was it, I can't remember who was, you know, Dick Darcy's boss, but did Dara's hands come through the phone and like throttle you a bit and then go back into the phone?

Yeah, a mischaracterization of what Aurora Borealis is.

That's what we're all about.

We apologize.

Sam Alison's Bittle feedback.

Maria says, I have had two dreams about siby cups since listening to this episode.

Tilda says, I've been waiting so long for Redding's time in the what did you do yesterday limelight?

And you had it.

What a lovely image it is.

I wonder if now there are people doing TikTok dances over the skyline of Reading.

It's probably people with those long shutter.

cameras that you normally do to get hummingbirds and they say you know it's always a Norwegian or it's a Scandinavian person Sven spent 18 days in a hide to get a photo of the snow leopard but now he's in the airbridge at Reading services to get the perfect skyline but it was a lovely lovely episode.

And Jacka Lasari, if I've pronounced it correctly, says, Everyone should have someone love you enough to deliver a cheese platter and pork when you're in a care home.

And it's true, isn't it?

That's what we all want.

That was beautiful.

And then also just the throwaway reference to the funeral that her dad was going to, where the deceased had requested that everyone wear old West Brom jerseys.

It was such a lovely.

And then sing shit on the villa.

Please rise.

Now, this is good from Anonymous.

Regards the Alison Spittle episode.

Dear Max, Diodia Marsbar, long-time listener, first-time commenter.

I enjoyed listening to Alison Spittle's journey through London with her nod to the lovely Camley Street Natural Park at King's Cross, but my heart skipped a beat when she mentioned Rio's naturist spa.

Oh, what?

20 years ago, I worked there as a topless waitress while I was a student.

It paid better than pubs and was a lot less stressful, handing out drinks and towels to naked people.

To answer David's question, yes, there are people who go for a wholesome sauna and steam and there's a garden to sunbathe in.

If you ever go, please remember to rub Factor 50 into your testicles, they say.

You also...

Hang on.

I wasn't exactly sure how it brands itself because a place like that can't just go a club for swingers.

You know, they need...

Yeah.

So it's a naturist reserve is officially what Rio's is.

Well, hang on.

I mean, let's see what they describe themselves on the internet, shall we?

A second.

Because Rio was the name of a Pixar-type movie that I'm sure you've had to watch.

About a.

It's said in Brazil.

Was it about a parrot?

Jermaine Clement from Platt of the Concords had a song in it.

All right.

Did you book him?

Have you booked him for the parlour?

I doubt it's about Rio's, though, in King's Cross.

Health Spa.

Just says Health Spa.

Four stars, Health Spa.

London's leading naturist health spa, it says on the website if you're under 21 years of age it's illegal or if it is illegal to adult material in your community please leave now i'm not going to enter the site it says not secure anyway that's where we're at not secure i don't want to be compromised you also made a joke about bumping into people you knew there i had the opposite problem i'd meet people elsewhere and it might take a few moments before you recognized each other with your clothes on and a few moments more to gauge if it was safe to say hello walking through soho with my sister once a man ran ran after me to say he recognized me from the shape of my hips and bottom and asked for my number.

They're just normal shapes, she says.

I don't know if it's true, but as chat uplines go, I've had worse.

I love that it attracted people from all walks of life and all shapes and sizes.

The night shifts were the most interesting, and I'm still dining out on stories from them.

I wish I could share them with you, but alas, this is not the place.

But if I ever bump into Alison, I will happily fuel her obsession further.

Thanks for the great podcast.

Please don't read out my name.

Funnily enough, Rio's never made it onto my CV.

I think you might have read out this person's name.

That is from Kemi Badenoch.

No, I didn't read out the name.

I don't have the name.

That has been left off this.

I didn't even have the power.

Because, you know, very much like Dougal and the red button in Father Ted, if someone says, please don't read my name.

Every part of me is like, come on.

Donald says, hi guys.

During the Jonathan Wilson episode, Max speculated that Vermont might be the furthest north he's ever been, but was unsure whether Reykjavik or Vermont is further north.

Vermont is a few thousand kilometers south of London, roughly the same latitudinal position as Bordeaux.

Everything is showbiz.

So, thank you for that correction.

I wasn't to know, was I?

On the subject of

the pod being the center of the known universe, this is from Colin in Godstone.

Lads, yesterday I listened to the Trevor Nelson episode, a curious man, but I found his love for fish heartwarming.

What a review of Trevor Nelson.

No one's ever said a curious man, but a heartwarming love of fish.

To be honest, I had heard nothing about Nelson for many years aside from Max's microwave anecdote.

Fast forward to the next day, and he's co-hosting Pointless.

WTF.

He has a round of his own where he draws fish for the contestants to identify.

What?

Sure, it depends on how good he is at drawing fish, doesn't it?

How do you know if Trevor Nelson can accurately draw a halibut?

And how does that fit on Pointless?

So, Trevor Nelson has drawn a halibut, and then they've shown it to 100 people who have to say that's Trevor Nelson's halibut.

Wow.

That's a great round on pointless.

So, he's not running them live.

These are ones that he's spent some time when he's not doing electric golf in his garage.

He has a huge easel set up or maybe a fresco and he's doing his fish pick.

Like a Rothko-sized.

Do you know what?

I reckon when he's out doing his live gigs, he's pressing play a lot, isn't he?

He's got a playlist.

And that, if you actually look behind the decks, he is just Sturgeon, Tench, Barrow Mundy.

He's literally just knocking him out.

Now, the Reddit page.

I'm not sure about the Reddit page, David.

Oh, no.

I've never looked at the Reddit page.

Well, no, no, it's good.

But once I mentioned it, they then mentioned Max knows we're here.

He's now watching.

So I don't want to watch anymore.

You know, it's a bit like if you watch your cat, your cat behaves differently than if you don't watch your cat.

True.

Right.

So I want the Reddit page.

to be free.

I don't want them to know that we are spying on what they're talking about.

Yeah.

I've never been to Reddit before.

At the moment, my experience of it is quite pleasant.

I mean, when NY Ice Cream said, Natalie Ibrudio's big mistake is an underrated song, I was like, okay, these guys are good.

But I do have a little quiz for you.

So how well do you know what did you do yesterday?

Last Laugh Lane One wrote, I was bored and started to complete an A to Z of funny themes of the show.

I have, of course, taken some liberties with some of the words, letters.

I'm quite happy that the difficult letters are done.

Feel free to help me complete the rest of it.

But I ideally like to avoid guests' names to make it a bit more niche.

This is edit number 314.

I think we have it.

Open to changes, particularly for Q.

Maybe David and Max can decide which S takes my spot.

So there we go.

So it'll be very quick.

A to Z.

What do you reckon A is?

A in the what did you do yesterday alphabet?

I don't know.

That's too broad a question.

Araldite.

A is for Aeraldite.

B, you should be able to get B.

I should explain.

That's a glue that I have mentioned.

I know a resource where I can check how many times I've mentioned it, but it is a glue that I sometimes use to secure broken things.

Please don't ask me what B is.

You know, B.

Is it a Bourgois?

Is it a cheese?

It's not a cheese.

It's a BOC.

C is for...

Do you want all of them?

Is C the C of B O Z?

No, C is Colonel.

D is for David.

Do you want to keep playing?

I think people at home would like to a little pause.

E is for what?

What's E for?

E is for.

You should get this.

I need parameters for a quiz.

This is too...

No, bro.

The parameter is it's something that we say on this podcast all the time.

This is exactly your sort of quiz where...

No, I disagree.

If it was my quiz, there'd be no clues and we'd wait until you got there.

D should have been...

No, that's a good point, but it is B-O-C.

I mean, it's hard to choose between those two.

E is for

uh

people are yelling it out of their cars at the moment or people on the tube yeah on the carriages i don't know what's everything is showbiz oh yeah do you even listen do you even know this

f is for f is for oh it's harder for you than me what's f for i like the fact you go oh for god's sake you know what's coming next you you know the alphabet like you know after this don't say g is next oh god not g i'm not i'm doing the alphabet exactly as it expects it shouldn't be a surprise f is for.

Give me a clue for F.

It's definitely a me thing.

It's definitely a me thing.

It's not a you thing.

Hot wheels.

That could be H.

F.

F.

You can't say F is for Hot Wheels.

And it's me and Jamie.

It's nothing to do with the kids.

Okay.

Daybed.

I'm trying to.

It begins with F.

No, I know.

It begins with F.

F is for Daybed.

If this is me, this is quite eye-opening.

So far, F is for Hot Wheels and F is for Daybed.

Is it because you only got half an hour ago?

This is so unfair.

Oh, interruption.

Yeah.

I saw a Hot Wheels Garage in the Wild the other day.

Oh, did you?

Oh, well.

Yeah, it's kind of barter-Meinhoff syndrome where

you having mentioned that you once saw a Hot Wheels garage just on the ground.

Now you see them all the time.

I'm seeing them everywhere.

I think because they make them too big,

that people are very happy to be like, well, we got a year or two out of that.

Now it's time to just pass it on to someone else.

Definitely true for prams and playgrounds, which I did not see for 42 years of my life.

And now the only thing I see.

Anyway, F is for flat white, three-quarters full.

Should have got that.

G is for, you're never going to get G, generic man to three.

Hot wheels.

H is for, what's H for, David?

Hot wheels.

No, No.

No.

I'm good at crosswords, but this is just not

how my brain.

What's H for?

Clue, please.

It's a U thing.

Bikes.

What else do I like?

Hats.

It's like that guy in Anchor Man.

I love lamp.

Hats.

Hats.

Hop scotch.

And

homebrew.

No, it's not homebrew.

Never talked about homebrew.

Whenever you ever talked about homebrew.

Do you think this is the worst segment we've ever?

No.

I think it might be the best.

What is it?

I'm not giving you this one.

Oh, God.

You have to get this one.

I'll give you the other ones.

It's a me thing.

What do I like?

What do you like?

Helen Copter.

Yes.

Really good.

It's really good.

You went hats first and hot wheels.

I think she'll enjoy that bit.

Hi, Helen.

What do I like?

What do I like?

Hats?

How long do you want this purgatory to last?

Do you want me to just read them?

I is Ireland.

In it for life

j

is

jamie correct yeah okay which you got staggeringly quicker than you got helen k is kneeling in the bath l lululemons m mars bar n normal cheeses omagilities t p poo q quizzes bad ones by max r release the nishkumar tapes s stolen subaroo symphony of the butt sigar ross swarfaga samuel beckett sauropods shackleton sconce

that's a lot t is for top loader.

U is for universe.

V is for the vibrator of Stevie Martin's tortoise.

W is where in the world/slash Willie, Willie Rushton, I believe.

X is for Max, sort of works.

Y is for yesterday or young Ian, and Z is for bazoin.

So there we are.

But I really enjoyed it.

Hey, let's play.

They're just normal countries.

Yes.

I am the one and only.

What country could I be?

I am the one and only.

Where in the world could our listeners be?

So, this is good.

Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana, the Northern Marianas Islands, Bhutan, Brunei, Nepal, Eswatini, the U.S.

Virgin Islands, Equatorial Guinea, San Marino, correct.

Liechtenstein, Turkmenistan, Seychelles, Mauritius, Georgia, Vatican City, Oman, Fiji, correct.

So Amber has control of the board.

Do you remember?

One and only.

Here we go then.

Amber then has control of the board.

Hello, she says.

Following on with the same theme, we're booked in to visit another very close island neighbor of Australia's, Vanuatu.

Will we just be in another family resort spending hours and hours by kids' pool?

Yes, but three-hour flights from Sydney seem much more appealing than Max's 24-hour absolute horror show.

My guess is Vanuatu.

And if there are no listens, there soon will be.

Over to Will, Vanuatu.

Amber, you're no longer in control of the board.

No listens in Vanuatu, but good to know you'll get us on the board, Amber.

So look, everyone is back in play.

This is where you need a catch rate.

If this is to be a proper quiz, you have to be like, Amber, you've lost control.

Boards back in play.

You You know, something like that.

Amber, you've lost control.

Rest of the population of Earth,

8.4784561 billion.

You're back in play.

Amber, you've lost control is a very strong.

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Hey, David, I have a question for you.

Yeah.

What time did you wake up yesterday?

Approximately 8.03.

Interruption.

I'm still laughing at hats.

What do I like?

It's an interesting question, isn't it?

Because one of the secrets to a fulfilling life is to have passions and things you like and to ask yourself, what do I like?

And to try and bring more of that into your life.

So maybe I was trying to do that.

But I do like Helen as well.

Yeah, no, no, I don't doubt it.

Maybe when we sort of release our high-performance.

spin-off podcast,

one of our first bits of advice should be if you want to lead a meaningful life, write down the alphabet and then put one thing next to it that you like.

And so when you're just walking around, you can go through and go.

Oh, now it's my turn.

It's quite hard, isn't it?

Now you put it that way.

Aniseed, don't even like it.

Just panics.

People just keep getting you those awful sweets, the really hard sort of dark red aniseed drops.

Like, it's so funny.

While you were saying that, some part of me is so gullible when you said, go through the alphabet, write down something you like about each letter.

Part of me is like, that's a really good idea.

Yeah, maybe I should.

Maybe that is the secret.

For mayhem, next week, we'll both write our alphabets.

Okay, we'll do that.

I'm looking forward to that.

I'm going to give it some real thought.

Okay, 803.

803, good.

Yeah, and this is the first time I've had a busy weekend.

Obviously, can't go into it except to say I did two big gigs in Dublin and at one of them someone shouted what did you do yesterday very nice to the general I don't know what proportion of that audience listened to this I'd say half maybe that's good that's good but there's another half who again it sounds like I'm being accused of something that I did yesterday

they've come to the gig just to remind me of something awful that I've done in the past it's really important that you know the police, maybe ICE, don't listen.

We don't want them listening.

This is the first time I have been woken by coffee and granola just being placed beside me on the bed.

I know, I know.

By a hat?

Was it by a hat?

Helen was wearing a hat and drove up on some Hot Wheels.

Okay.

Yeah.

That is amazing.

I'm tired after all of that.

And

because I have worked through the weekend it's gonna be a slightly weekendy Monday great that we're gonna have right here what a great time not involving too much traditional work that said I need to get up soon after so I wake up as I spoon this

Helen makes it it's a granola thing she makes it a little healthier than I would do you know what I mean okay I'd razz it up with a little bit of honey in there and whatnot all right so it's sort of quite tart is it is it quite a and is the granola granola or is it just nuts and seeds?

It's a granola.

It's a healthy granola in Greek yogurt that she has then doctored up with poo-poo seeds and stuff like that.

You know?

A banana?

Is there a banana for you know?

No.

So those bits are like your fun bits, a spoon with bit of bits.

Exactly.

Throw a few blueberries in there, stuff like that.

Something about the fact that it's Greek yogurt as well makes it a little bit turgid.

Is that the right word?

Oh no.

That sounds awful.

i'm delighted

this turgid shit waking up to this but as i spoon it into my face i am also aware this is good for me you know after a busy weekend like you say you need an hour before you podcast i couldn't i couldn't wake to breakfast do you know what i mean i couldn't wake up and just somebody's sort of force feeding me peanut butter on toast i need a bit of time

yeah yeah

But in all honesty now, what's the closest to a podcast you've you've ever woken up?

I mean, it's different for you because you've got your little sleeps all the time.

Yeah.

I mean, back in the day, I was podcasting in the UK.

So they'd be, you know, yeah, I'd be up at, you know, before the kids, probably an hour.

Yeah, probably an hour.

You can't do this hungover.

You can get away with it at the odd time.

Like once or twice, there's been...

I've had like four drinks the night before.

Which episodes have you been hungover for?

One of the early Edinburgh ones,

which was good because you need to limit your going out nights in edinburgh and so that's true like i feel like i'm getting away with that at the time but if you listen back to it it's too obvious to me that i'm slightly grasping at straws maybe right so you're just not quite on it yeah because me and mars bar quite often whatsapp after each going i think david was i think he had a couple

So I go downstairs and have a multivitamin because again, I've had a busy weekend.

No bigger.

Literally, the end of the last episode, we both agreed that we would live forever because we weren't taking supplements.

This is a three-in-one effervescent one

that has got electrolytes, vitamin C, and something else in it.

So I don't think it's...

Does it taste like Fanta?

Is it that one?

That's the main reason for having it.

I finish it.

And for some reason, I think I've had this for ages.

I mean, this will give you an idea of how many multivitamins I take.

I look at the bottom.

Best before

10th, 2023.

I think it's still fine.

It's too late.

It can't go off.

It can't go off.

Yeah.

No, no, no, no.

I bet it's fine.

It actually ages you.

It has the reverse effect.

You start aging like the person who drinks from the wrong grail in Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail, and your temples implode and you explode into dust.

Or it's another incredibly weak origin story for a marvel character that

his baroca was two years out of date and now he's low energy man or his effervescent pea you know because like baroca does give you luminous pee it can like cut through any sub you know what i mean we could rob a bank and how are we going to open this safe as a middle-aged man you don't really have the purchase that you used to so you you can't get a really powerful circle

I wonder about that.

I think I still have,

I think I can still

pee quite a distance.

There's the next live show sorted, isn't it?

What we'll do is we'll get some good triple jumpers in.

We'll get Jonathan Edwards and Philip Sadowu, and they'll do a trivial jump, and then we'll see how far we can.

I think triple is ambitious.

We should just go for long jump.

Yeah, triple was ridiculous.

What do you think?

The pee is going to bounce twice?

Like a skimming stone.

Okay, but

it's a good superhero.

We can work with it.

Okay, right.

We pack the helencopter off to work

and I need to fix her bike.

So her bike is the perfect middle ground between goes beautifully, looks shit.

She's been riding it for years.

When I met her, one of the first things I did, her saddle was way too low.

It's a thing that doesn't anger me, but I'm just baffled when I see people cycling with their feet sort of sticking out,

which is the number one sign of the saddle being too low.

That, yeah, you're just wasting so much energy.

And it's always people who don't have enough air in their tires and the saddle is the wrong height that are say, oh, I don't like cycle, but I hate it.

And that's because you're making it as difficult as humanly possible.

Helencopter had had to abandon the bike on Thursday evening.

Okay.

And I had gone and picked it up then and done a temporary fix.

It's a very simple bike, but it has a chain guard on it that had squashed the chain.

And then she had ridden the squash chain.

Okay, I see.

Wound itself around some business.

Okay, oh dear.

This is a big job.

Yeah, but I know just the guy to do it.

Interruption, did you, when she showed it to you, did you like put your hand in chin and go, we have to take the whole thing off.

Turn the whole thing out.

It's going to cost you funnily enough.

She just locked it because it wouldn't ride.

And then I went to pick it up and I took it off the lock and turned it upside down.

I just got it in my head that it looked like I was robbing it.

You know what I mean?

But the fact that I was then trying to fix it on the path, an upside-down bike, and winding it.

And you'd also unlocked it with the key for the lock.

Yes, but I had the lock on the ground beside it.

So it looked like I had sort of broken it off.

Okay.

But I guess it's the secret of robbing bikes is if you do it so,

you know, just blatantly, everyone thinks there's no way he's robbing that.

And I wasn't robbing it.

I need to make it clear.

I did not rob a bike.

But after we've done the A to Z of things you like, we're going to do a podcast special on just how to rob stuff.

I once stole a

I think the last thing I ever stole was a fries peppermint cream from Lavelle's news agent because they were something like 30 or even 35 or 40p.

So that was beyond what my pocket money could stretch to.

So I presumed this chocolate was like, you know, nectar from the gods.

Yeah.

How can this be 35p?

And I was like, I couldn't possibly save for two weeks, right?

Because,

you know, I wanted some instant gratification.

Yeah.

So I slipped it into my my pocket.

Weirdly, the woman at the counter saw me do it and just sort of went and sort of shook her head a little bit, but didn't actually say, You

don't steal this thing.

So then I got it home and I went somewhere secret and I ate it all.

And actually, it was a bit of a letdown.

I thought, this is a letdown.

I was expecting, you know, if your expectation is so high, I couldn't tell you how good I thought this peppermint cream would be.

This is a whole new aspect of your character.

The other thing I used to do was fish about in my parents' coats and body warmers for coins, pound coins,

and then run to Lavelle's news agent and buy as many packets of football stickers, Football 87, as I possibly could.

Yeah.

And then they caught me in the act because I ran to the top of the house, which was their bedroom, which on reflection was the wrong place to open these stickers.

And I was grounded for a week.

And I'd like to say, robbing doesn't pay.

I think football stickers were 15p.

12p.

So I was more 84, 85 when I was doing it.

Well, ours were 12p, six stickers.

That's what we were getting.

Did I tell you this once before?

I finished Panini 84 sticker album,

except for one, which was

Scottish Striker.

And my friend went online a few years ago and found it and bought it for me.

And we ceremonially

took it in.

Eric Black

from the Scottish Strike Force team.

The last two were Mitch Davre, which I got, and Eric Black.

But the problem is, when it's a 400 sticker sticker book, even buying more stickers is such loser town.

Like, I think they said they didn't restrict the number, all of the players.

You're saying there weren't many Eric Blacks.

But you could send off, couldn't you?

You could send off.

Once you got down to like 30 stickers, you could write the stickers in and send off.

Or did you see that as cheating?

Or maybe they only introduced that in, you know, the later years because I'm quite a younger, much younger man.

Football 87, 86, 87.

Anyway, where were we?

I still textually

feel the ripping open of the blue panini sticker thing.

The smell, yeah.

Yeah, the smell and the excitement and finding the silvery ones.

Oh, great times.

Great times.

So now I'm fixing a bike.

Uh-huh.

And

for once, I need

to talk to a higher power.

Wow.

So what we're looking at here is: I don't want this to ever happen again.

So, I need the chain guard to be bigger than it is.

Got it.

And there's a sort of a bracket that holds it on.

I need to go and talk to Dara in B-Cycles, who's my.

He's Obi-Wan.

He's Obi-Wan.

He's so good at fixing bikes, his hands aren't ever dirty.

You know, the way like great footballers a lot of them

have clean knees, even on a muddy day.

He just picks up the tool and swizzles it.

Oh, amazing.

Yep.

I finished the gig, very pleased.

And then on the way back, despite having these mankey hands, I decide to do a medium shop.

Just a basket.

Yes, but I'm also going to put bags on the handlebars as well because it's not too far to get home.

Interruption.

Two bags on the handlebars.

Have you got a rucksack too?

Or is it just the two plastic bags?

No, we've got a basket and a bag of each handlebar so that is let's just say you're not buying four 500 mil cans of stout no you're buying coriander in a little packet yeah but it's not time to as a prepper stock up for the apocalypse with tinned peaches exactly yes with you but nonetheless i'm i'm pretty happy with this lightweight shop that i've done because i've been working at the weekend there's been a little bit of deliveruan and all of that going on.

So it's time to get back on the health kick.

Then I get back, wash my hands, and make a dream sandwich.

Okay, what's in the dream sandwich?

It's a curious one.

D is for dream sandwich.

I look forward to.

I have

a sort of Italian flatbread

type of that I'm going to roll the magic up in

that I can't remember what it's called, but it's a little bit thicker than just a wrap yeah a tiny bit thicker but not it's between a naan and a wrap whatever

got a roti thickness it's not a roti but it's got a roti thickness yeah it's got a picture of italian flag on the packet uh-huh

i elect just to put that into the oven on the rack while i let my imagination go wild hit me and what my imagination settles on is well we've too many spring onions so i put a pepper chop it up, dice it, and a spring onion and throw a little bit of garlic into that.

Then there's some pastrami

that I've bought.

Do you fry that a little bit?

No, just put it straight in

with some rocket and a fried egg.

Okay.

It sounds crazy.

Where's the sauce?

Where's the sauce?

There's a certain wetness.

So I'm against condiments.

You know, I'm not a big condiments guy.

No, okay.

If there was hummus or pesto, I might have considered that.

Wow, because they take it in a totally different direction.

I'm pretty anti-pesto, I've got to say.

Are you really?

Yeah, I think it's sort of overpowering.

Wow.

Wow.

And also, if you have a pesto dish, everything tastes of pesto.

And I'm aware that every mouthful of bolognese tastes the same, but there's something about pesto that I just want one spoonful of it, and that's it.

I can't go back in.

Well, I see the mistake you're making.

No one wants a spoonful of pesto.

However, if you just get pesto and like we have basil plants growing on the windowsill, I always make it in a juice little blender,

like just throw in olive oil, pine nuts, some garlic,

and then horse it onto literally just pasta.

Like, that's a legitimate dinner.

It is legitimate, but it's just not for me.

Okay.

Okay, fine.

I very much enjoy my sandwich.

It's a great success.

Interrupted by O'Brien.

I don't don't think he loves that we have accused him of electrocuting his dog.

So, this is a phone call, is it?

It's a phone call where he is critically running through every episode of What Did Just.

No, I'm reducing it to that.

We talk about other things,

otherworldly things.

That's slightly disappointing.

I'd quite like it if it was, you know, a sort of quarterly review of how this podcast is going.

Well, I think every time he listens to it, we are talking about him.

Fair enough.

And I think he's keen to distance himself from the allegation that he debrained his dog by way of training it, and also that he used to electrocute Andy Parsons on Mock the Week.

Right.

That was something that Alan Davis alleged.

He could definitely sue us.

I mean, we are banged to rights, don't we?

We have no evidence.

It would be a disappointing way for this podcast to end.

He has been to Bodo or Dlimped or whatever the town is called.

And he was disappointed that Jonathan Wilson hadn't visited the Aviation museum there which okay would have been right up his street okay i'll message wilson and tell him yeah

yeah and then the northern lights thing he was furious about that so got it we now need to go and visit mom and dad of course we've had a difficult

dad

86

still gigging still gigging it's their 60th wedding anniversary this weekend can you even conceive of that It's beautiful.

But dad slipped last week and broke his leg.

Oh, I thought you were going to say dad slipped and had an affair.

And I was going to say, really,

so close to 60th.

The week of his 60th.

Poor dad.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I mean, I know.

You told me already, but I'm sorry.

Just shit.

Like, it's probably the worst part of it now because he's been told just to rest it.

Right.

But he's an all-action guy you know he likes to go out on his bike he loves to go and do gigs he loves to go and see gigs and all the rest of it and it's just kind of him and mum watching flogg it now you know those kind of shows

and oh god so he's a bit low is he or is he all right yeah he's a bit low and also

He's missed, he would have been at my gig at the weekend.

And I think he's probably a bit sick.

Like, we are trying to call over to them a lot.

Like, we're very lucky in that there's three kids and we all live in Dublin.

So, most of us make it over most days.

Yeah, it's good when you bring this up and you don't make me feel at all guilty for living 10 miles away from my 86-year-old dad, but that's okay.

He doesn't give a shit.

Oh, no.

Look, if I'm completely honest, dad said maybe we should postpone the we're having a bit of a shindig in the hotel across the road for the 60th on Sunday.

And dad was like, maybe we should postpone it.

Whereas.

Sounds like somebody who's having an affair to me.

So I went straight in with, no.

In fact, this could be the thing that just.

Yeah.

Because they'll realize how beloved they are and unexpected people will turn up.

And even though he has to keep his leg up, he can just sit there and greet people.

Let's do it.

Yeah.

So I just tried to be useful in this situation.

Interruption: when you say unexpected people, and this is going out after the party, I think, so it wouldn't be a surprise.

What do you say?

Like Dwayne, The Rock Johnson,

Eamon Holmes, who is Alex Super Gran?

Who's going to be there?

Alexander von Hugenhungen, Higgin Huggen, the generic you from this morning.

No, just odd jazz musicians.

Sure.

Great.

I just like to celebrate them a little bit because

they're just such vital positive forces and there's still great crack in them as well, even though they talk about being decrepit the whole time.

You can still get a real laugh out of them.

So yes, let's do that.

Yeah, which is actually reminding me.

I think my inner monologue is becoming more bland as I get older.

I just noticed it the other day.

I was walking somewhere and my two thoughts were: scooters have got very fast.

And the other one was, everyone's smoking doobies.

There's doobies smoke everywhere.

I can trump you for the second time on Talksport.

This was on Saturday.

I think I threw to the news.

And whoever's pressing the buttons back in London forgot to take my microphone down.

And so as Matt Hutchinson is reading the news, you just hear me going,

like it was exactly like when David Cameron went back into number 10.

You know,

I was like, oh my God,

that is a bland interior monologue.

To the listeners, how bland is your

phone in?

606-7351.

What's the most bland interior thought you had?

that was me just through the news on that scooters have got very fast

i do a run to the chemist i do a run to the shop i buy them treats you know it's not a bad idea yeah for my mother i get there's a posh deli place and i ladle some chunks of turkish delight into a little plastic uh

wow have you seen the message that's just come up in the chat

So, to the listeners,

producer Will has just put in something to note.

When Max joined up on this call,

just before we started recording, he was singing that exact song.

I mean, it's sort of sweet.

Like, you know, there must be a positive angle on this.

It's harmless.

If everyone in the world had that in a monologue, there would be world peace, wouldn't there?

Is everyone just going

harmless is such an awful description of anyone, isn't it?

And you've just described yourself as.

I'm largely harmless.

So I've got mum, Turkish Delight.

I get dad, a thing of fancy Portuguese sardines.

You'll like that.

Just

keep things, keep fresh inputs going in there.

But I get a text from my cousin Joe.

He's got a spare ticket to Ireland against Armenia tonight.

Wow.

I agree to go to that crucial world cup qualifier is it crucial i believe it's all over for you lot isn't it no because of the nature of the group that portugal are miles out in front if we beat hungary in our last match provided we beat armenia now we could get into a playoff it could be possible serious yeah it is still mathematically possible.

I should know this for, you know, my other.

I should be doing this on the other other pod.

No, I see you, but you win your last two.

Yeah, you could do it.

Okay, well, that's exciting.

Yeah, it's quite the compressed qualification campaign.

Let's stop talking about this.

This is for you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, if you want this, the Guardian Football Weekly does it in a professional podcast.

Much better than this.

But we are going to re-enter the world of football now because I cycle home and then almost immediately walk into Dublin's city centre and to Dublin's beautiful gayety theatre where

my buddies second captains

are an Irish sort of sports and a bit of politics podcast.

They are doing a live event and they're interviewing another friend of mine on it.

I have talked the helencopter into coming.

There is not a million years that I could persuade Jamie to go to an evening with Martin O'Neill.

There's just not

literally no way.

So

I have,

I think she's happy that she went.

She's interested.

She doesn't join us for a pint afterwards.

Okay.

But she is legitimately tired on that.

Yeah.

We have a nice time.

It's in a really plush theater and we're in a beautiful box.

People are looking up going, who's in the, who's in that?

You know, whenever you get to the theater, go, I wonder who's in, who's in that box up there.

And it's you.

Yes.

And

some people take photos of me in the box and send it to me via social media got it or rather you only see the top of helen's head in these pictures yeah which is a little bit odd but that's fine and is it like a show or is it just a sit-down chat or do they have like funny

you know they're a bit smart for like funny bits they do have funny bits they it's very well produced in okay like our live show like

they're much more calm than we were.

I mean, I hate to compare it to our live show.

They've done loads of live shows.

But so have we independently, but when we come together, it's just the chaos begins.

I doubt if they would have done their first one, though, in front of 1,400 people,

where the sound of the intro is only coming out of one small Bluetooth speaker at the very back of a huge Victorian theater.

It should always be that way from now on.

On the show, we have friend of this pod, Andy Lee, the boxer.

I mean, how often does he come up?

So he is training in just a local gym.

Joseph Parker, who's a New Zealand guy who's going to fight for the middleweight belt at some point.

And he's terribly nice.

Joseph Parker is, has, as you would expect, a very strong handshake, which everyone comments on.

Oh, I should hope so.

Yeah, but the problem is, kieron who's one of the second captains has fractured his wrist and has one of those velcro gloves on which he takes off because he doesn't want to see he doesn't want people to see him wearing it in the show got it then joseph parker takes the opportunity to re-break it with a firm handshake do you know what i am david hay was fighting i think audley harrison And they were both due to come on Soccer AM on the same day.

Oh, those two straight-ups don't like each other.

Yeah.

And then David Hay dropped out.

And it's actually really discourteous on the day because a lot of producers work really hard to make, you know, montages of them and put all their questions together.

So I just looked down the barrel of the camera and said, look, I just think it's really rude.

Maybe he was fighting ValueWev, that enormous sort of Russian Andre the Giant chap.

I can't remember who he was fighting.

Anyway, he didn't come on and it was annoying.

And then he had to come on.

And I said, we should never get him on.

I was like, no, this is bullshit.

Never get him on.

Obviously, he's on the next week because pay-per-view and then something.

So when he comes on, right, he like gets me in a bit of a headlock, you know, like he's like ruffling my head on the sofa, right?

And I'm underneath David Hay, but I've got his hand and I've got his little finger and I'm thinking, if I really went for it, right, I could pull it right back and might break his finger.

This would put the fight off.

It would be like really funny, but also really terrible.

And in the moment, and also like he could just then just knock me out a second later.

Yeah.

But I was thinking I could do like a really like dirty Twix.

Just a yeah.

Yeah.

I did.

I I mean, the story would be better if I had done it, but I didn't do it.

Had he heard that you had dissed him the week before?

Yeah, I think so.

And then it was fine because it was fine.

I'm friends with a guy called Killian O'Sullivan, who was the captain of the Mead Gaelic football team, who on his honeymoon, and this is what he talked about, felt a tremor that he thought was a trapped nerve and ended up getting some sort of a scan in South America and sent it back back to his doctor.

And his doctor said, Come home now.

And he has MS.

But he's playing on.

He's going to play on.

Yeah.

He's like 33, 34, and he's got, I've got another season in me.

And he's a clinical psychologist.

So he's really treating it like, great, what's the next best course of action?

He's a fascinating person.

It was a very inspirational story.

And then, yes, Martin O'Neill was on, who used to be the manager of Ireland.

And then at the very end, Charlie O'Leary came came out, who was the bag man in the Ireland glory eras of 1988 to 94.

And he's now 101.

Whoa, that guy.

Yeah.

They presented him with this little lifetime trophy from the podcast, which was nice.

And in his speech, he said

something like, I'd still like to ride ladies, but that'd be like trying to play snooker with a piece of rope.

He He made a Mickey joke.

And that joke got a standing ovation.

It got like a proper Stalin-esque, well-deserved five-minute round of applause.

Yep.

That was great.

We have a pint after in the pub next door.

Terribly well done.

It was a Monday night.

Yeah, they made a great show.

And I strolled home then.

And because I didn't want want to, this is going to neatly bring this round on exactly the under an hour mark as well, Max.

Because I didn't want to wake Helen up, I took off my clothes and left them on the side of the bath.

I just put them there.

I didn't think about it and thought, yeah, I'll get those in the morning.

Yeah, went to bed then.

Great day.

I have one question of that, back of that day.

Yeah.

A few months ago, I was in Teddington.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

and I saw a comedian putting up posters for a show, his show.

And then a couple of days later, I saw a footballer.

Yeah, yeah, you know, I know who.

Oh, you know who it is?

Yeah.

Can you tell us?

Well, I am excited to say the right answer, but we will still also give producer Will a go.

Because remember the last time, his only guess, he doesn't know any footballers.

So we made him say the late Stanley Massey.

Will, what's your guess?

Yeah, I mean, I still don't know many footballers, I'm I'm afraid, so I'm going to have to go fairly route one.

Was it Gazza and Roy Chubby Brown?

Is he still alive, Roy Chubby Brown?

Yeah, Chubby's fine.

Well, they're not correct, but imagine if those had been those two.

David?

I actually know who this is.

I've gone through all the CCTV footage of Teddington.

Teddington in July.

Yeah.

And thanks to the public, we've been overwhelmed with responses here on the help desk.

And it's obviously Chris Waddell and John Bishop.

Incorrect.

If you'd like to get in touch with the podcast, here's how.

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyedo yesterdaypod at gmail.com.

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And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

And if you didn't, please don't.

Thanks, David.

I had a good time.

I'm off to write my A to Z.

Oh, God.

That A to Z is.

Thanks for listening.