S3 EP19: Rosie Jones

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Speaker 2 Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many.
I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough.
Politics, business, sport, you name it.

Speaker 2 There's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.
Why is that? Are they scared?

Speaker 2 Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Speaker 2 Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
We'll try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?

Speaker 2 That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.
Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Speaker 2 Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushton and I'm David O'Doherty.
Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Speaker 2 Hello and welcome to today's episode of What Did You Do Yesterday. My name's Max Rushdon.
Alongside me, David O'Doherty and on today's episode, David, we speak to one of my...

Speaker 2 I can't do it now. Rosie Jones.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Rosie Jones. Rosie's one of the great comedians working today.
She just comes at it from a slightly different angle to any other comedian that I know. It is always a joy to hang out with her.

Speaker 3 And this is a day unlike any others. I mean, I don't want to trail it by saying there's a lot of motorway services because I don't think that necessarily will make people want to listen.

Speaker 2 No, but if you really have a thing for

Speaker 2 Reading Services Eastbound, this is the episode for you.

Speaker 3 She co-wrote and stars in Pushers, which is all on the Channel 4 app

Speaker 3 thing.

Speaker 2 All right, granddad.

Speaker 2 And her tour, what's her tour called, Dave?

Speaker 3 Her tour is called, I can't tell what she's saying.

Speaker 3 Just bloody go and see. She gives her Ocho a harsh review

Speaker 2 here, but

Speaker 2 everything she does is wonderful. Sorry, for the tape.
As will become apparent, she's in a canteen at a premier inn. Oh, yeah.
And for the first 10 to 15 minutes, it's quite noisy around her.

Speaker 2 But I think everybody eventually gets so annoyed with her banging on about what she did yesterday that it does go silent.

Speaker 2 So, if you're finding the ambient noise of phones ringing and people sort of banging pots for a little bit, that does subside.

Speaker 3 You deal with it pretty well.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think so. I think so.
But it's always good to take the listeners with you. That's my experience.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a bit of radio expertise there, just thrown in there. Is that a signpost everything and then they can't

Speaker 2 carry on? Did yesterday.

Speaker 2 Rosie Jones, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 let me have it straight. I know D O D.

Speaker 2 I love for David

Speaker 2 to my boss.

Speaker 2 Why is that too much?

Speaker 3 Because I know there's there's a book coming here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it's not your book to

Speaker 2 deal with.

Speaker 2 It's Max's book. All right, okay.
Max.

Speaker 2 I don't know you.

Speaker 2 The love

Speaker 2 that I have for DOD

Speaker 2 is...

Speaker 2 missing

Speaker 2 for you.

Speaker 2 I understand. I understand.
But by the end of this podcast, I reckon you might love me more than you love Dave. Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Okay, we have an hour

Speaker 2 to

Speaker 2 distribute you all the love I have.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 you know what? You were two

Speaker 2 white, straight, non-disabled men.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 you are

Speaker 2 at a base

Speaker 2 level,

Speaker 2 very

Speaker 2 hard to look.

Speaker 3 Question one. You sound like you're in a school canteen, Jonesy.
We obviously we don't care about today, only yesterday, but just where do we find you today?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 it is

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 I am currently on tour.

Speaker 2 So I am not

Speaker 2 in a school canteen.

Speaker 2 I am

Speaker 2 in a

Speaker 2 premiere in

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 I am living the highlight.

Speaker 2 I am

Speaker 2 in

Speaker 2 Magstown.

Speaker 2 But the Wi-Fi

Speaker 2 of

Speaker 2 course,

Speaker 2 it didn't get to my hotel

Speaker 2 room.

Speaker 2 Why would it

Speaker 2 get to my hotel room?

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 I am

Speaker 2 ten doors

Speaker 2 away

Speaker 2 from the Wi-Fi

Speaker 2 router.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I am now

Speaker 2 here

Speaker 2 in the county

Speaker 2 where

Speaker 2 I get

Speaker 2 Wi-Fi

Speaker 2 good,

Speaker 2 but I

Speaker 2 also

Speaker 2 get a lot of

Speaker 2 lovely, lovely ladies

Speaker 2 watching up breakfast.

Speaker 3 They are going to get one half of this

Speaker 3 and they possibly won't even know it's a podcast recording.

Speaker 2 they'll just think you for some reason are talking to your mother and telling her every single thing that you did yesterday and that intrigues me as to what they think to be fair that is not on you here

Speaker 2 andrea jones is a lovely lovely lady

Speaker 2 but she is an incredibly

Speaker 2 nosy bitch

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 it wouldn't be surprising. We have had guests on before who've said that Rosie's mum is a nosy bitch.

Speaker 2 I wasn't sure if we should bring it up this soon into the podcast, but it's good that it's out there. Oh, yeah.
She'll be listening right now.

Speaker 2 That's how nosy she is. Give us some space, Andrea.
Fuck's sake. Come on, Andrea.
Yeah, I'm 35.

Speaker 3 Also, Andrea, just be aware that you've been infringing the copyright of this podcast by making Rosie go through what she did yesterday in the past.

Speaker 3 So we will be serving legal letters to Andrea Jones straight after we finish talking to you.

Speaker 2 It's

Speaker 2 okay

Speaker 2 for when she does it. She wears a hat

Speaker 2 and she puts on her silly Irish accent.

Speaker 2 She's looked into parody law

Speaker 2 and now things were broken.

Speaker 3 Jones, Andrea, stop impersonating me. This is getting too much.

Speaker 2 Okay, come on. Let's cut to the chase here.
Come on, David. Come on.
Let's get down to serious business before Andrea rings on that landline again.

Speaker 2 Losie, what time did you wake up yesterday?

Speaker 2 Oh, I had a lion

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 I had a busy day the day before.

Speaker 2 So I did

Speaker 2 not

Speaker 2 wake up until

Speaker 2 11

Speaker 2 a.m.

Speaker 2 No my God. Wow.

Speaker 3 That is low performance waking up time. Oh my God.
Tom Rosenthal got up at midnight the previous day.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 oh my god, that boy needs to talk to.

Speaker 3 I strongly agree with that. You're on tour? Do you wake up in a hotel at 11? See, 11's late to wake up at a hotel.
Being knocked out on the door.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 So I always

Speaker 2 go for midday

Speaker 2 checkouts.

Speaker 2 It is

Speaker 2 a game

Speaker 2 changer

Speaker 2 and I really

Speaker 2 feel

Speaker 2 like I started my day

Speaker 2 on a high.

Speaker 2 11 a.m.

Speaker 2 I'm rested.

Speaker 2 I'm relaxed.

Speaker 2 I've had my first line

Speaker 2 in about

Speaker 2 a month.

Speaker 2 I'm feeling good

Speaker 2 until I remember

Speaker 2 where

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 am.

Speaker 3 Where are you?

Speaker 2 I am in the travel lodge

Speaker 2 at Reading

Speaker 2 Services.

Speaker 2 Wow, after no mentions of Reading for a year and a half, we've now had Reading services mentioned twice in quick succession.

Speaker 2 Alison Spittle was on the airbridge at Reading Services, marveling at the skyline of Reading. Can you confirm?

Speaker 3 Like, she had an emotional moment. Yeah.
Did you see her? Had she gone back? When you opened your curtains, was the first thing you saw? Alison Spittle just crying as she looked at some chimneys.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 I unfortunately did not see

Speaker 2 Alice and Spittle,

Speaker 2 mainly because

Speaker 2 I was too busy

Speaker 2 quatching

Speaker 2 all my life choices

Speaker 2 that had led to me

Speaker 2 to waking

Speaker 2 up in a travel lodge

Speaker 2 in Redding services.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 this

Speaker 2 might be your most

Speaker 2 boring episode yet and that it says a spoiler alert

Speaker 2 but i think 80

Speaker 2 of my entire day

Speaker 2 happened at

Speaker 2 reading services

Speaker 2 hang on people have been waiting for the reading services transit to maidstone this is the episode that people have been waiting for. This is why this podcast was designed in the first place.

Speaker 2 I'm excited. It's like a really shit version of the terminal.
You know, the Tom Hanks film, isn't it? Your whole life is at Reading Services. Wow.

Speaker 2 I'm excited. I'm excited.

Speaker 2 Do I get out of bed immediately?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No, no, no.

Speaker 2 I am currently playing

Speaker 2 a game

Speaker 2 called

Speaker 2 Tasty

Speaker 2 Travels.

Speaker 2 Tasty Travels, right?

Speaker 3 So it's an iPhone game. What the hell happens in Tasty Travels?

Speaker 2 It's my

Speaker 2 entire life right now.

Speaker 2 All I got to do

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 to link

Speaker 2 two of the same

Speaker 2 kind

Speaker 2 so for example

Speaker 2 if i link

Speaker 2 two

Speaker 2 prawns

Speaker 2 i will

Speaker 2 make a bigger prawn

Speaker 3 Where's the travel aspect to this? I thought you'd be like you travel to Portugal where you link a prawn with an Australian shrimp. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Something like that. Oh no.

Speaker 2 That is very

Speaker 2 deceptive

Speaker 2 because there's absolutely no travelling

Speaker 2 at all.

Speaker 2 It's all about

Speaker 2 linking up.

Speaker 2 You can link up a football with another

Speaker 2 football

Speaker 2 and of course

Speaker 2 that will make a football boot

Speaker 2 of cards. Right.

Speaker 2 It says here, open your phone and join us on a journey around the culinary world. Tasty travels.
Is that what we're on?

Speaker 2 In tasty travels, you get to travel the world while experiencing local cuisines, learning to make various specialty dishes, and sharing with friends from all corners of the globe, including Reading Services.

Speaker 2 The most exciting part, you can combine two identical ingredients to create new, exquisite dishes, reveling in the joy of cooking, it says.

Speaker 3 So, for example, if it was like ready, steady, cook, and all I had was two footballs to feed someone, I could combine them and make a glove out of them. Is that what you're telling? Yeah, perfect.

Speaker 2 So, I think that's an opposite

Speaker 2 interesting

Speaker 2 because it did

Speaker 2 start

Speaker 2 very

Speaker 2 food

Speaker 2 based,

Speaker 2 but now I'm on level 100.

Speaker 2 We're going into the football world,

Speaker 2 we're going into

Speaker 2 the bottle world.

Speaker 2 So it's all about choosing what you were making.

Speaker 2 And I am

Speaker 2 so sorry

Speaker 2 to say that I played Taste Travels

Speaker 2 for about

Speaker 2 45

Speaker 2 minutes.

Speaker 2 I have a question.

Speaker 2 If you combine two prawns, you get a giant prawn. If you combine the giant prawn with another prawn, do you get an even bigger prawn?

Speaker 3 You see, he writes for The Guardian.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Access for asking

Speaker 2 their questions

Speaker 2 everyone wants to hear.

Speaker 2 It really

Speaker 2 depends.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 if I remember correctly,

Speaker 2 you go

Speaker 2 little

Speaker 2 prawn,

Speaker 2 middle and prawn,

Speaker 2 bigger prawn,

Speaker 2 chicken.

Speaker 2 That feels like it's not a sequence. You only connect.
They're never getting that.

Speaker 3 I thought it was going to go like scorpion. No, maybe prawn, then scorpion, then like lobster in terms of like shelled, earwiggy, clawed animals, something like that.

Speaker 2 No, there's a lot of

Speaker 2 oh, they know they've covered the prawn

Speaker 2 space.

Speaker 2 Someone's been sworn.

Speaker 2 and there's a meeting room where they gone

Speaker 2 big round of applause. That person gets a raise.
They're the CEO.

Speaker 2 Prawn, prawn, prawn. Ring the bell.
Ring the bell. Ding, ding, ding.

Speaker 3 So, Jonesy, you do this for 45 minutes lying in the Reading Services Travel Lodge bed.

Speaker 2 I do,

Speaker 2 and I'm also listening to Catherine Ryan's pole cat

Speaker 2 as I do this.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 she's a very clever lady.

Speaker 2 She's talking about putting her flat

Speaker 2 on sale.

Speaker 2 Did I

Speaker 2 temporarily temporarily

Speaker 2 think

Speaker 2 shall I buy Capron Ryan's

Speaker 2 flat

Speaker 2 and then I thought

Speaker 2 I can't buy Capron Ryan's flat

Speaker 2 I'm in a travel lodge at Reading Services.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but what if you're such an eccentric billionaire, you have bought the entire travel lodge at Reading Services and you sleep in a different room every night. You just love travel.

Speaker 3 You love the freesome, the excitement of people going to other parts of the country.

Speaker 2 How much

Speaker 2 do you think it will cost?

Speaker 2 I think I could pick it up for a million pounds.

Speaker 3 It would be intriguing when you go to settle your bill when you're checking out of the travel lodge and you just have like a black sack with money on it and you dump it on the counter.

Speaker 3 Do you have any extras, Rosie? Yes, one extra. I'm buying the whole place and all of you.

Speaker 2 It's just not when you're scrolling through right move.

Speaker 2 You just go house, house, house, travel renting services, and you show it to your wife and you go, Jamie, I didn't ask you because I knew you'd want it, but this is what we've got.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 I don't say a downside

Speaker 2 to buying the travel log

Speaker 2 reading services

Speaker 2 because of first of all

Speaker 2 24-7

Speaker 2 parties. Yeah,

Speaker 2 well, of sorts. Of sorts.

Speaker 2 Secondly,

Speaker 2 as a comedian,

Speaker 2 you've always had comedy friends

Speaker 2 who won't place to

Speaker 2 stay.

Speaker 2 Ideally,

Speaker 2 at Redding Cirbits. It's true.
I mean, it does have good links to the rest of the country, doesn't it? Probably got a wild bean cafe as well nearby. Oh, well, we'll get into that.

Speaker 2 and know exactly what they have in Redding Services.

Speaker 2 Okay, Rosie, it's 11:45. You've done your tasty travels.
If you haven't already, it's time to seize the day. Yeah.
I'm not really seasoning anything yet apart from

Speaker 2 the

Speaker 2 soap

Speaker 2 slash shampoo slash condition

Speaker 2 books

Speaker 2 in the shower.

Speaker 3 Are you stealing it?

Speaker 2 I am eating

Speaker 3 famously. There's enough nutrition in it.
If you don't get the breakfast you drink from the general purpose cleaning detergent product.

Speaker 2 No, I don't get in the quirky shower ever.

Speaker 2 I'm putting the

Speaker 2 soap

Speaker 2 slash shampoo. slash

Speaker 2 conditioner

Speaker 2 everywhere and we're using the soots made from my hair

Speaker 2 to wash my amputes

Speaker 2 it's a very

Speaker 2 bubbly

Speaker 2 situation

Speaker 2 but I feel a lot cleaner

Speaker 2 than I did

Speaker 2 in my

Speaker 3 So when I use that multi-product, when my hair is longer, it boofs out and I look like one Wendeline who Wallace from Wallace and Gromit his love interest,

Speaker 3 whereby it just boofs everything to this enormous so then I basically have to wear a a woolly hat for the day to bring it back down again.

Speaker 3 Does this have the same effect on your beautiful flaxen locks, Rosie?

Speaker 2 Not really,

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 I then

Speaker 2 let it dry

Speaker 2 in the air

Speaker 2 and as you can see it's mulking okay.

Speaker 3 Yes, so much so that it seems like it's what's the slogan?

Speaker 2 I'm worth it.

Speaker 3 Maybe I'm worth it. Except the product in question is the multi-purpose bathroom/slash body/slash hair cleaner available in travel lodges.

Speaker 2 We haven't really had as detailed the process of showering since Adam Buxton, and he did it cold.

Speaker 2 I'm wondering, oh, yeah, I'm interested in the temperature you're going for. He wrote, I'm a hot shower guy, it's nicer, but Adam Buxton's more successful.
I am hot, you're hot, of course.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I sometimes

Speaker 2 about once a year

Speaker 2 I try a cold one

Speaker 2 and then I go

Speaker 2 this is amazing.

Speaker 2 I should do this

Speaker 2 every single day

Speaker 2 and then I do remember that I like

Speaker 2 myself

Speaker 2 so yeah

Speaker 2 hot

Speaker 2 hot hot all the way.

Speaker 2 The hotter,

Speaker 2 the better.

Speaker 2 Okay, good. This isn't me.

Speaker 2 But it will sound like me.

Speaker 2 But I have a friend

Speaker 2 who gets

Speaker 2 sexually

Speaker 2 aroused

Speaker 2 by

Speaker 2 hot

Speaker 2 things

Speaker 2 and then specially in the shower

Speaker 2 he will

Speaker 2 challenge himself

Speaker 2 to put it on

Speaker 2 as hot as

Speaker 2 possible

Speaker 2 to the point that it will

Speaker 2 gold

Speaker 2 his skin because he finds

Speaker 2 the feeling of burning himself

Speaker 2 very sexy.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's possible my co-presenter here met his wife on a volcano in South America.

Speaker 3 So it's possible you now associate great heat with a sort of sexy horniness then, too.

Speaker 2 We won't participate in anything carnal unless we're on a lava flow.

Speaker 2 When you met your wife on the volcano,

Speaker 2 were you sexually aroused? I mean, I was more than she was. I think it's fair to say.
I would say aroused. Like, I wasn't like.

Speaker 3 We don't have time to go into it, Rosie. But he spent several years just coincidentally turning up and where she was.

Speaker 3 You know, she would be in Aspen, Colorado, and he would just be like sipping a latte in a local cafe. Fancy meeting you here, you know, that kind of a thing.

Speaker 2 So it took a while. That is exactly what I thought when I met you.

Speaker 2 That was that

Speaker 2 absolute perfect

Speaker 2 of the highest

Speaker 2 order. Absolutely, yeah.
That's how I'm known. Yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 2 Wes, it's midday. You've got to check out.
You're washed, you're dressed. It's time to hit the services.
I presume.

Speaker 3 You're starving.

Speaker 2 You're starving. Yeah.
I'm checking now.

Speaker 2 Can I call them from Bit of a Traveler?

Speaker 2 a foyer.

Speaker 2 Barely.

Speaker 2 It doesn't feel very foyery, does it?

Speaker 2 So I meet my tall manager

Speaker 2 at the foyer

Speaker 2 of the grand

Speaker 2 travel lodge

Speaker 2 and we look at each other

Speaker 2 and we go,

Speaker 2 we need to work

Speaker 2 and we need

Speaker 2 coffee

Speaker 2 pumped into our friends

Speaker 2 immediately.

Speaker 2 So we

Speaker 2 walk about ten steps

Speaker 2 into

Speaker 2 Redding services. Oh, here we go.

Speaker 3 Highway to the danger zone. Here we go.

Speaker 2 And you know what?

Speaker 2 It says small services,

Speaker 2 but it's got

Speaker 2 all the things

Speaker 2 I need.

Speaker 2 It's got a prat. Oh, yeah.
It's got a M ⁇ S.

Speaker 2 It's got a colster.

Speaker 2 a double UH Smith

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 a McDonald's

Speaker 2 show you that thing.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it'd be good if it had one real curveball shop. You know, for no reason, it has like a Timpsons or something like that that no one has been to for the last five years, just sitting there.

Speaker 3 Where do you go of this list? I'm gonna predict, where's Rosie going?

Speaker 2 Costa. Straight to Costa.

Speaker 3 She's more prep than Costa.

Speaker 2 Well, I'll give you a clue.

Speaker 2 I I get my food

Speaker 2 from one place

Speaker 2 and I get my coffee

Speaker 2 from another.

Speaker 2 No one is going food from Costa. Like, no one in the last 200 years has got food from Costa unless it was the only thing.
So it's got to be coffee from Costa, food from Pratt.

Speaker 2 Unless I've missed some of the other ones.

Speaker 3 No, it's food from MS. You're getting food from M ⁇ S.

Speaker 3 But what I need to know is, do you then get in trouble when because it's a fair judgment on Pratt when you sit down and start eating you know the salmon and cream cheese sandwich from Marx and Spencer's

Speaker 2 so DOD

Speaker 2 you are right

Speaker 2 I went

Speaker 2 food from MNS

Speaker 2 cut food from Pratt

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 cut food from cotstaff is

Speaker 2 absolutely fucking dog shit

Speaker 2 this podcast is brought to you by costa get the new armoured latte just 3.99 from reading westbound there's a rumor it tastes like dog shit but we don't know where that rumor started

Speaker 2 and this

Speaker 2 comes

Speaker 2 from a woman who had just

Speaker 2 washed her entire hair and body

Speaker 2 with warm product.

Speaker 3 Do you think that they say to themselves in Pratt, it's the iconic Rosie Jones. We will not come down on her like a ton of bricks for violating the main rule of Pratt?

Speaker 3 Do you think you're leveraging your celebrity status in Reading services here?

Speaker 2 So that's is why Redding Services is so great

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 they don't really

Speaker 2 have

Speaker 2 tables

Speaker 2 for the restaurants. Open plan.
It's just an open plan communal area. Got it.
They don't give a shit

Speaker 2 what you're reading.

Speaker 2 This is interesting. From 2017, so obviously it's a little while ago.
The BBC, no less, England's best and worst motorway service stations named.

Speaker 2 The M4's Reading Services Westbound takes the crown for the country's best stop-off with a customer satisfaction score of 100%. 100%! You're the westbound or the eastbound, Rosie?

Speaker 2 You were the best one there is.

Speaker 2 So we were going

Speaker 2 from Britstow

Speaker 2 to Maidstone. Oh, no, that's eastbound.

Speaker 2 You say you blew it. You had such a chance.
Imagine 100%.

Speaker 3 That means no one has ever had any problem. No one's ever had a bad day.
No one has ever taken like a leaky poo there. Nothing bad has ever happened in the Westbound.
You are in the Eastbound.

Speaker 2 Oh, damn it.

Speaker 2 That's why I was so sad.

Speaker 3 Okay, so we open our laptop. We presumably have free Wi-Fi there.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute,

Speaker 2 because there's a table

Speaker 2 situation.

Speaker 2 So the exact

Speaker 2 services we're talking about

Speaker 2 is a

Speaker 2 Moto.

Speaker 2 M-O-T-L.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I love the

Speaker 2 for

Speaker 2 their

Speaker 2 work

Speaker 2 boothed. Oh, wow.
They kind of

Speaker 2 spaces

Speaker 2 covered with plugs

Speaker 2 and it feels

Speaker 2 quite private.

Speaker 2 We

Speaker 2 get there and we go.

Speaker 2 Hopefully

Speaker 2 we can

Speaker 2 get a booth.

Speaker 2 Now,

Speaker 2 All five are taken

Speaker 2 by

Speaker 2 what can

Speaker 2 only be described as

Speaker 2 the

Speaker 2 same

Speaker 2 woman

Speaker 2 clones

Speaker 2 five

Speaker 2 times.

Speaker 3 Okay, I'm gonna predict. So it's a lady with a blonde bob in a Karen type Unidlow coloured puffer jacket?

Speaker 2 Is it a pencil skirt? What do you think? Yeah, and they've all got unused paper.

Speaker 2 They've all got their Daily Mail. Yes.
And they're all

Speaker 2 absolutely seeing

Speaker 2 at their husband.

Speaker 3 You'd think one of them would be like, Rosie, you need to keep writing your iconic comedy. Please have my little space.

Speaker 3 I'm just getting outraged by whatever the Daily Mail is outraged by at the moment.

Speaker 2 Boats, it's the boats. It's the small boats.

Speaker 3 It's the mail on the small boats.

Speaker 2 Now, I'm gonna

Speaker 2 blow your

Speaker 2 mind

Speaker 2 and break your heart

Speaker 2 in one small sentence.

Speaker 2 Brady,

Speaker 2 some

Speaker 2 people

Speaker 2 in the world

Speaker 2 don't give a shit about

Speaker 2 me

Speaker 2 I have never met any of these people so I find there are five there are five people that don't give a shit and they all look the same and they're lined up in booths at the Moto Eastbound

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 we sit down at a much

Speaker 2 impact

Speaker 2 talking to me

Speaker 2 but all i am thinking is

Speaker 2 eyes on the booth

Speaker 2 eyes on

Speaker 2 the

Speaker 2 booth

Speaker 2 and as soon as

Speaker 2 one of the clones gets up

Speaker 2 the cevbul pulsing in my body

Speaker 2 goes away

Speaker 2 and you

Speaker 2 you have not seen a person

Speaker 2 sprint into

Speaker 2 a booth

Speaker 2 quicker

Speaker 2 and we're there

Speaker 2 we're in the booth

Speaker 2 I'm using all the pull sockets

Speaker 2 I'm charging my laptop

Speaker 2 I'm charging my phone

Speaker 2 I'm charging my headphones.

Speaker 2 Ready for you boys. Thank you today.

Speaker 2 I'm eating my wonder

Speaker 2 sandwich.

Speaker 2 I'm eating my olives. I'm drinking my coffee.

Speaker 2 I'm a happy lady.

Speaker 3 It's almost a perfect Daily Mail story would be

Speaker 3 so-called woke comedian Rosie Jones. I saw her sprinting across Reading services to steal a table from someone else.

Speaker 2 Hmm.

Speaker 3 Able-bodied.

Speaker 2 And then that

Speaker 2 I would say, come get me.

Speaker 2 Come

Speaker 2 get me.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 So we've had a coffee, we've had a sandwich. We've chatted to Ash.
Where are we going now? I would imagine you'd be on the way to Maidstone, but you want to stay in the services a little longer.

Speaker 3 This is such rookie behavior by Max Rosie. You don't want to get to Maidstone pre 5 p.m.

Speaker 2 Like, is that a rule of comedians or just a rule of Maidstone?

Speaker 2 D.O.D., you are so right.

Speaker 2 We look in,

Speaker 2 we get more coffee.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna rush through

Speaker 2 a bit because

Speaker 2 would you believe it's even more boring

Speaker 2 than my tasty travels

Speaker 2 45

Speaker 2 minutes

Speaker 2 but I do emails I do my receipts

Speaker 2 I edit every video that I'm doing

Speaker 2 advertising an action or look to read.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I do

Speaker 2 a

Speaker 2 Instagram post

Speaker 2 of photos

Speaker 2 taken on me where I look very

Speaker 2 beautiful. Great.
Surprise.

Speaker 2 Surprise.

Speaker 2 And she's also the director of

Speaker 2 my foundation.

Speaker 3 Oh, Rosie Jones Foundation.

Speaker 2 I'm a good

Speaker 2 lazy and don't you ever forget.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 we had a big

Speaker 2 talk about

Speaker 2 our

Speaker 2 next

Speaker 2 steps

Speaker 2 and what we're doing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I feel

Speaker 2 like we were there for about

Speaker 2 three

Speaker 2 hours.

Speaker 2 I guess once you've got a booth, you've got a booth, right? Max,

Speaker 2 we had a booth.

Speaker 2 If you could have said to me with the utmost confidence

Speaker 2 in

Speaker 2 Raidstone,

Speaker 2 you will get a booth.

Speaker 2 We would have

Speaker 2 have to do that. Yes, I get that.
I get that. But you can't take that, Rick.

Speaker 2 I'm not sure if there was.

Speaker 3 Firstly, congratulations. You are the first person with a foundation that we have spoken to.
Nish Kumar does not, to the best of my knowledge, have one.

Speaker 2 Sarah Pasco

Speaker 3 absolutely not. The David Odardi foundation.
If I did have one, like, what would it be it would be like tiny keyboard it would be for bicycle repair wouldn't it yeah

Speaker 3 but that's a bike shop that's not really a foundation you'd call it a foundation i think maybe tiny keyboards bring them to like war-torn areas and my van comes over the hill and people are like at last food

Speaker 3 and then i just hand out tiny keyboards and they're like go fuck yourself

Speaker 2 yeah all of sub-saharan africa pressing demo They're all pressing demo.

Speaker 2 Maybe you can make tiny edible

Speaker 2 keyboards. Oh, yeah.
Oh, see. Oh, God.

Speaker 3 What's the foundation do?

Speaker 2 So it helps

Speaker 2 people with cerebral pulsary with their focus on mental health.

Speaker 2 So if you got a physical disability

Speaker 2 you're much more likely

Speaker 2 to suffer

Speaker 2 with your mental health so for example

Speaker 2 we just

Speaker 2 donated a large chunk of money

Speaker 2 to a company

Speaker 2 that pairs disabled people

Speaker 2 with

Speaker 2 player pits

Speaker 2 who have

Speaker 2 the same disability

Speaker 2 as

Speaker 2 them

Speaker 2 which is a huge

Speaker 2 game changer because

Speaker 2 I've had a lot of non-disabled player pits

Speaker 2 and without that common ground

Speaker 2 it's so hard to talk about

Speaker 2 what you need to talk about.

Speaker 2 And this

Speaker 2 company

Speaker 2 works a lot with the NHS.

Speaker 2 But naturally,

Speaker 2 the waiting lists at the NHS

Speaker 2 are so long

Speaker 2 that with

Speaker 2 our help

Speaker 2 they've been able to clear the waiting list

Speaker 2 and it means all the people

Speaker 2 with CP

Speaker 2 who needed

Speaker 2 immediate help.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'm getting

Speaker 2 it. Fucking hell.

Speaker 3 Jeez. What am I? I'm just playing a little keyboard.

Speaker 2 It's okay, David. Thing is, David, I used to do a lot of charity work, and then I had children, and I am too tired to help anyone, even myself.

Speaker 2 So when they're 25 years old, I'll go back to doing something good.

Speaker 3 The Max Rushton Foundation just tries to pair Max Rushton with baristas that know how to make his a really annoying three-quarter double flat white.

Speaker 2 It's an important chord.

Speaker 3 That's brilliant, Rosie. Yeah, well done, Rosie.
So, what time are we moving out of Reading Services?

Speaker 2 So me

Speaker 2 and Ash

Speaker 2 are very

Speaker 2 narrow spicy.

Speaker 2 When we get locked into

Speaker 2 work

Speaker 2 nothing happens around us.

Speaker 2 So I think we

Speaker 2 initially said

Speaker 2 we'll get on the road at half two.

Speaker 2 Okay. And we got on the road at

Speaker 2 four o'clock.

Speaker 2 Yes,

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 2 then we

Speaker 2 had

Speaker 2 missed

Speaker 2 the time for food

Speaker 2 at

Speaker 2 Maidstone.

Speaker 2 Oh shit, so then we are

Speaker 2 on the motorway

Speaker 2 and we stop off

Speaker 2 at another

Speaker 2 service. Oh,

Speaker 2 station day. This is good.
And

Speaker 2 but I cannot remember which one it was.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 Could you tell me about how far into the journey it was? Because I'm on Google Maps here. So you're going to be going

Speaker 2 A329

Speaker 2 past Slough.

Speaker 2 And then you're going to take the M25 and you're probably going to go through Red Hill, Seven Oaks on your way to Maidstone. I'm just trying to to wonder where

Speaker 2 we were about

Speaker 2 15

Speaker 2 minutes away from Maidstone. Oh, okay, right.
I can really now. This is like hunted.

Speaker 2 15 minutes from Maidstone. Right now, I'm just going to have to go services.

Speaker 3 What did the services have in it, Jonesy? Was it a similar setup with all these great options and shared tables?

Speaker 2 So they said to why we stopped there

Speaker 2 because it had a Leon.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Love a Leon.

Speaker 3 Okay, so to our international listeners, how do we describe a Leon? It's like a Michelin starred takeaway where even the boxes are fancy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like

Speaker 2 if McDonald's

Speaker 2 sold

Speaker 2 real food.

Speaker 3 Yes. If McDonald's had a string quartet in the corner

Speaker 3 and a server came over and said, I trust everything is delicious. For me, that's Leon.
Yeah. Pure class.

Speaker 2 Okay, I think I have it, guys. I think you were at Clacket Lane eastbound.

Speaker 2 There is a Leon. Yes.
It only gets a 3.2.

Speaker 2 I was at Clacket Lane. Yes.

Speaker 2 As soon as she said it, I was an

Speaker 2 officer for that clanket lane. That's the closest I've ever felt to being in the FBI, I think.
Do you know what? It felt good. It felt really good.

Speaker 2 Do you get the meatballs?

Speaker 3 Do you have meatballs in a box?

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 I get the kicking nuggets. Oh, they're good nuggets.
They are very

Speaker 2 good.

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 sorry, can I say say aside now

Speaker 2 that you probably

Speaker 2 notice

Speaker 2 that it's very

Speaker 2 quiet

Speaker 2 now

Speaker 2 and that is because

Speaker 2 every single member of the premiering

Speaker 2 kitchen team have gone home and for the last

Speaker 2 hour

Speaker 2 they've been cleaning around to me

Speaker 2 giving me

Speaker 2 such

Speaker 2 dirty look

Speaker 2 when everyone mentioned

Speaker 2 the travel

Speaker 3 I was trying to think what they would think you were doing and I've decided we're police investigators. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 We're trying to figure out how watertight your alibi is for some murder you definitely committed yesterday.

Speaker 2 But because of the cuts, we do everything remotely now. It's a bit of a problem.
Then we say if we think you're guilty, we say, Now, could you just come in?

Speaker 2 'Cause we need to imprison you for 25 years.

Speaker 3 Okay, now so are we straight to the theater in Maidstone?

Speaker 2 Yes, call for the eight now.

Speaker 2 I am eight in the north

Speaker 2 on the go.

Speaker 2 And then we get there to the hate slot

Speaker 2 theatre.

Speaker 2 It's a beautiful

Speaker 2 venue.

Speaker 2 We go straight onto stage

Speaker 2 and sort out sound

Speaker 2 and sort out lighting

Speaker 2 and it's all

Speaker 2 looking

Speaker 2 good. Right, I thought for a second you were just this was so exciting you were literally just running on stage with half a Leon chicken nugget and then just going, good evening, Maidstone.

Speaker 2 And just toss the rest into the crowd and go, here we are.

Speaker 2 Amir,

Speaker 2 have a nugget,

Speaker 2 what a tagline that would be. It's the title of the show.
Why is the show called Have a Nugget, You Fuckers?

Speaker 3 And then Chelsea walks out and like confetti, they start to drop from the ceiling.

Speaker 2 That people have Maidstone all on the floor just gobbling up Leon nuggets.

Speaker 2 Yes, no.

Speaker 2 So we're talking about

Speaker 2 half six right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And the show

Speaker 2 starts at seven.

Speaker 2 Oh shit, you've got a seven o'clock show. No, sorry.
Doors. Half seven.
Okay. Half seven.
Okay, right.

Speaker 3 How do we fill that lost hour then between Sanchek and ladies and gentlemen, Rosie Jones.

Speaker 2 Naturally, it's about trash talking.

Speaker 2 Fellow comedian

Speaker 2 Daniel Kitson.

Speaker 3 So, you're engaging with, is it via voice message or is it via text?

Speaker 2 Via text

Speaker 2 because the night before

Speaker 2 I was in Britstall

Speaker 2 Old Vic

Speaker 2 and I get a text

Speaker 2 at half six

Speaker 2 from Mitch Day Kitchen

Speaker 2 saying,

Speaker 2 I am where you were

Speaker 2 last night.

Speaker 2 And I said,

Speaker 2 I am not fucking telling you where I was

Speaker 2 last night

Speaker 2 where do you

Speaker 2 think

Speaker 2 I was

Speaker 2 last night

Speaker 2 it was

Speaker 2 a very

Speaker 2 aggressive

Speaker 2 yes hello yeah but I'm just

Speaker 2 annoyed

Speaker 2 that I didn't know that he would be there

Speaker 2 because I would have left

Speaker 2 a present for him.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 3 Are we talking about a poo-in-a-bag, Josie? Surely not.

Speaker 2 Oh, not in a bag. Yeah.
And a Ziploc.

Speaker 2 No, I came one other

Speaker 2 blue plastic bag.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's sweet. That is sweet.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 You get good money for them on eBay now.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of them knocking around, but yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So we trash talk Kitson. Do you have a tourist support or are you doing the whole show yourself?

Speaker 2 Um out there

Speaker 2 raw dogging.

Speaker 2 Roar dogging Nightston. Why not?

Speaker 3 It's true. Because I mean if you have a support, they effectively take care of the roar vibes and you just come on like Ed Gamble in the second half to the great cheers and roars.

Speaker 3 But the real ones go out off the top, Jonesy.

Speaker 2 Yes, they your protection

Speaker 2 they your barrier

Speaker 2 we're about that man

Speaker 2 you're roll dogging

Speaker 2 all over the place

Speaker 3 and how is it are they excited to see you how are the people i've never been to maidston i would imagine they're hardy coastal folk probably the waft of herring smokers in the room you know i would say sorry Maiton,

Speaker 2 but they are a pure

Speaker 2 six out of ten.

Speaker 2 They are

Speaker 2 smiling.

Speaker 2 They are laughing.

Speaker 2 Are they laughing

Speaker 2 a bit delayed?

Speaker 2 Sure.

Speaker 2 Have I got to tell them to

Speaker 2 pick up

Speaker 2 their that

Speaker 2 and to be better

Speaker 2 yes great do i say i know

Speaker 2 i'm amazing

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 2 do a

Speaker 2 better job

Speaker 3 they love that audiences famously love that when yeah you're again part motivator that's what you are as well do they improve will daniel kitson when because he's obviously just following you around the country now Yeah.

Speaker 2 They'll be ready for him.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Daniel Kitson will have a lovely night tonight.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 after that, I did a lovely me and greet.

Speaker 2 Apart from

Speaker 2 the last

Speaker 2 lady

Speaker 2 show.

Speaker 2 I do hate me and greet every night and people

Speaker 2 are so lovely,

Speaker 2 so polite

Speaker 2 and then you always

Speaker 2 get one

Speaker 2 who always

Speaker 2 means to watch. Oh no.
But they hang

Speaker 2 back

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 they go,

Speaker 2 I think

Speaker 2 I am funny and I think

Speaker 2 me and Rosie will be friends. Oh no!

Speaker 2 The problem with that is

Speaker 2 they are not funny and we will not be friends.

Speaker 3 Come on, what did she say?

Speaker 2 So this lady

Speaker 2 I would have said a guest

Speaker 2 was in her mid to late

Speaker 2 50s

Speaker 2 and in their show

Speaker 2 I eat

Speaker 2 half a banana.

Speaker 2 Of course I do. Absolutely.
So this

Speaker 2 lady

Speaker 2 had

Speaker 2 gone onto stage

Speaker 2 and stole my banana

Speaker 2 and told to me that she was

Speaker 2 taking it home to freeze it.

Speaker 2 Oh gosh, this is getting sinister now.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 my lips

Speaker 2 have all been

Speaker 2 over there beneath. Wow.

Speaker 2 And when I asked her if she wanted a photo

Speaker 2 with me,

Speaker 2 she said

Speaker 2 no

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 having a photo with you

Speaker 2 when I don't even know you

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 weird. Oh, God.

Speaker 2 So, which I said,

Speaker 2 but

Speaker 2 stealing a banana

Speaker 2 and freezing it because

Speaker 2 my mouth had

Speaker 2 touched it.

Speaker 2 that's not weird yeah and she said

Speaker 2 exactly

Speaker 3 it reminds me a bit of a friend of mine is comedian and once i was in a pub someone asked him for a photo and then four people wanted to be in a photo and another guy was in the queue and he waited till it was his turn and he just said to my friend i don't have a fucking clue who you are and just went back,

Speaker 3 which is like as if my friend had been like, All right, line up, everyone.

Speaker 2 I'll do some photos.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you know, there's a desire to put people in their places, I think, lest you think you're getting a bit above yourself.

Speaker 2 Yeah, do you think when you next play Maidstone, she'll be back and she'll have a frozen banana? Do you wonder about the banana?

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 so on

Speaker 2 the 10-minute drive to the premiere

Speaker 2 where you

Speaker 2 see me now,

Speaker 2 me and Ash

Speaker 2 started talking about

Speaker 2 what's in store

Speaker 2 for that banana.

Speaker 2 But as well as that, she

Speaker 2 did tell me that she would like to kiss me

Speaker 2 with tongues.

Speaker 2 And she

Speaker 2 asked me if I wanted to

Speaker 2 feel

Speaker 2 her breath. Oh my.

Speaker 2 To which

Speaker 2 I politely

Speaker 2 declined.

Speaker 2 But I think that will

Speaker 2 give you a little

Speaker 2 insight to

Speaker 2 what

Speaker 2 will

Speaker 2 happen to that banana.

Speaker 2 Because you know, you sometimes think about like a cat and the luck of where they're born and who their owners are or whatever.

Speaker 2 And maybe most bananas probably live a good life up until being consumed. There are better places to be a banana.
Some bananas get opened too early. They're a bit hard.

Speaker 2 Some are perfectly, some go moldy. But this banana is like, this banana has been captured.
And almost feel we need to rescue the banana.

Speaker 3 Yeah, pray for the banana. Yeah, yeah.
Maybe we could get a SWAT team to try it out.

Speaker 2 I feel like that banana

Speaker 2 needs a lot of fabric.

Speaker 2 I think so. If it ever makes it out.
It will be like that room with Barack Obama and Madeleine Albright and when they're getting bin Laden, won't they? We've got the banana.

Speaker 2 But they're rescuing the banana. It's slightly, the analogy doesn't quite work.
But you take my point.

Speaker 3 So you're trying to say shoot the banana and throw it in the sea though.

Speaker 2 Shoot the banana. Say, it was better that we shot the banana, that it went through what we know it was going to go through.

Speaker 3 So we return, or we don't return, we embark on a new journey to this fresh Premier Inn, which is, in terms of room cost, about 15 quid more than a travel lodge.

Speaker 3 Do you immediately feel that extra 15 pounds of luxury?

Speaker 2 I do.

Speaker 2 I do. But now we're tying

Speaker 2 everything

Speaker 2 into a

Speaker 2 lovely bow

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 I immediately realize

Speaker 2 that I cannot get what I've

Speaker 2 got my room

Speaker 2 so I go

Speaker 2 fuck how am I gonna do the podcast

Speaker 2 tomorrow

Speaker 2 so I worry about

Speaker 2 that slightly. Shit, yes.

Speaker 2 But then I realized,

Speaker 2 you know what? I haven't played

Speaker 2 for about 10 hours.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, we know. Let's make two bananas, a giant banana.
Tasty travels.

Speaker 2 Tasty travels.

Speaker 2 And then because

Speaker 2 I wanted to

Speaker 2 go into the night

Speaker 2 thinking about

Speaker 2 you too,

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 listened to the Helen Bower

Speaker 3 trapped on public transport that episode. So traumatic.

Speaker 2 I thought it would calm me down, but it reminded me how much of a fucking idiot she is.

Speaker 3 Do we doze off to sleep while playing Tasty Travels?

Speaker 2 A bit of a book? Anything else?

Speaker 3 Do we have a drink before we go to bed? Just Raw Dog?

Speaker 2 Raw Dog the Night?

Speaker 2 Just dry

Speaker 2 Raw Dog.

Speaker 2 Tasty Travels.

Speaker 2 You two.

Speaker 2 They're fucking public transport idiot.

Speaker 2 and then

Speaker 2 at a point

Speaker 2 I fall asleep.

Speaker 3 There's a day on the road.

Speaker 3 I like it because it's not the most glamour. Like, you know, Rob Beckett's day on the road opens with like being picked up by his driver, you know, and all of this.

Speaker 3 And whereas this is for the real ones right here.

Speaker 2 They say for

Speaker 2 anyone who goes, oh my god, tomorrow should be amazing

Speaker 2 no

Speaker 2 it is

Speaker 2 six hours in reddin services

Speaker 2 and you're silly burner banana take it sexy

Speaker 2 sorry

Speaker 2 Rosie Jones thank you very much for telling us what you did yesterday

Speaker 2 I love you boys Max. Yeah.
A little bit.

Speaker 2 Oh, there we go. I love you, Rosie.

Speaker 2 What a great episode. David, the fact that you think you've had enough service station.
Yeah. And then

Speaker 2 she pulls right into another one. And that is just, you know.

Speaker 2 Also, my heart melted.

Speaker 3 In the league table of hotels, the fact that she has to come to the canteen, that doesn't reflect well. I wouldn't say I'm a Premier Inn loyalist.

Speaker 2 Right, ultra. You're not an ultra.

Speaker 3 No, I have always tried to stay in better hotels than Premier Inns. But I would definitely have had the travel lodge at a lower status.

Speaker 3 And look at her now just yelling in the canteen, much to the bafflement, I would imagine, of the staff.

Speaker 2 And does all that and also has a foundation. And

Speaker 2 neither of us have a foundation.

Speaker 2 Do we need to start a what did you do yesterday foundation?

Speaker 2 Do we need to do that?

Speaker 3 Help people with their yesterdays.

Speaker 2 Yeah, exactly. We help people with their yesterdays.

Speaker 2 And when anyone gets in touch, we say, it's already happened. There's nothing we can do.

Speaker 2 But we'll fundraise like crazy and make millions.

Speaker 3 Stop living in the past.

Speaker 2 Let the past be the past, said an eight-year-old. Okay, if you'd like to get in touch with the podcast, we do love your feedback.

Speaker 2 It's especially useful for the midweek mayhem episodes because without them, it's not a lot of content. So yes,

Speaker 2 it's how you get in touch.

Speaker 2 To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudo yesterdaypod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod.

Speaker 2 And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform. And if you didn't, please don't.

Speaker 2 Hey, thanks, David. I had a nice time once again.

Speaker 3 Thanks, Mark. Thanks, Rosie Jones.
And

Speaker 3 thanks to the ladies who blocked the posh seats in the eastbound Reading services because, you know, we got a real window into Rosie's life from that.

Speaker 2 Everything you showed is in it for life. Yes!