S3 EP19: Rosie Jones

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Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Some might say too many.

I have one already.

I don't have any because there are enough.

Politics, business, sport, you name it.

There's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Why is that?

Are they scared?

Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Possibly, but not us.

We're here to ask the only question that matters.

We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

What did you do yesterday?

That's it.

All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.

Day before yesterday, Max?

Nope.

The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.

I'm Max Rushton.

And I'm David O'Daherty.

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Hello and welcome to today's episode of What Did You Do Yesterday?

My name's Max Rushdon.

Alongside me, David O'Doherty.

And on today's episode, David, we speak to one of my...

I can't do it now.

Rosie Jones.

Yeah, Rosie Jones.

Rosie's one of the great comedians working today.

She just comes at it from a slightly different angle to any other comedian that I know.

It is always a joy to hang out with her.

And this is a day unlike any others.

I mean, I don't want to trail it by saying there's a lot of motorway services because I don't think that necessarily will make people want to listen.

No, but if you really have a thing for

Reading Services Eastbound, this is the episode for you.

She co-wrote and stars in Pushers, which is all on the Channel 4 app

thing.

All right, granddad.

And her tour, what's that tour called, Dave?

Her tour is called, I can't tell what she's saying.

Just bloody go and see.

She gives her o-cho harsh review

here, but

everything she does is wonderful.

Sorry, for the tape.

As will come become apparent, she's in a canteen at a premier inn.

Oh, yeah.

And for the first 10 to 15 minutes, it's quite noisy around her.

But I think everybody eventually gets so annoyed with her banging on about what she did yesterday that it does go silent.

So, if you're finding the ambient noise of phones ringing and people sort of banging pots for a little bit, that does subside.

You deal with it pretty well.

Yeah, I think so.

I think so.

But it's always good to take the listeners with you.

That's my experience.

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a bit of radio expertise there, just thrown in there.

You want to signpost everything and then they can't

carry on.

Did yesterday.

Rosie Jones welcome to what did you do yesterday hello

okay

let me have it straight I know DOD

I love for David

speak to my boss

why is that too much

because I know there's a book coming here.

Yeah, but it's not your book to

deal with.

It's Max's book.

Oh, right, okay.

Max.

I don't know you.

The love

that I have for DOD

is

missing

for you.

I understand.

I understand.

But by the end of this podcast, I reckon you might love me more than you love Dave.

Oh, God.

Okay, we have an hour

to distribute you all the love

I have.

And

you know what?

You were two

white, straight, non-disabled men.

So

you are

at a base

level,

very

hard to look.

Question one.

You sound like you're in a school canteen, Jonesy.

We obviously

don't care about today, only yesterday, but just where do we find you today?

Well,

it is

because

I am currently on top.

So I am not

in a school canteen.

I am

in a

premiere in

because

I am living the highlight

I am

in

ragstown

but the wifi

of

course

it didn't get to my hotel

room

I wouldn't

get to my hotel room

because

I am

ten doors

away

from the Wi-Fi

router

so

I am now

here

in the county

where

I get Wi-Fi

good,

but I

also

get a lot of

lovely, lovely ladies

watching up breakfast.

They are going to get one half of this

and they possibly won't even know it's a podcast recording.

They'll just think you, for some reason, are talking to your mother and telling her every single thing that you did yesterday.

And that intrigues me as to what they think.

To be fair, that is not on you, Sherwood.

Andrea Jones is a lovely, lovely lady,

but she is an incredibly

nosy bitch.

So

it wouldn't be surprising.

We have had guests on before who've said that Rosie's mum is a nosy bitch.

I wasn't sure if we could bring it up this soon into the podcast, but it's good that it's out there.

Oh, yeah, she'll be listening right now.

That's how nosy she is.

Give us some space, Andrea.

Fuck's sake.

No more,

Andrew.

Yeah, I'm

Also, Andrea, just be aware that you've been infringing the copyright of this podcast by making Rosie go through what you did yesterday in the past.

So we will be serving legal letters to Andrea Jones straight after we finish talking to you.

It's it okay

for when she does it.

She wears a hat

and she puts on her silly Irish accent.

She's looked into

parody law

and now things were broken.

Jones, Andrea, stop impersonating me.

This is getting too much.

Okay, come on, let's cut to the chase here.

Come on, David.

Come on.

Let's get down to serious business before Andrea rings on that landline again.

Rosie, what time did you wake up yesterday?

Oh, I had a lion

because

I had a busy day the day before.

So I did

not wake up until

11

a.m.

Oh my god.

Wow, that is low performance waking up time.

Oh my God.

Tom Rosenthal got up at midnight the previous day.

No.

So,

oh my god, that boy needs to talk.

I strongly agree with that.

You're on tour?

Do you wake up in a hotel at 11?

See, 11's late to wake up at a hotel.

You get knocked out on the door?

No.

So I

always

go for midday

checkouts.

It is

a game

changer

and I really

feel

like I started my day

on a high

11 a.m.

I'm rested.

I'm relaxed.

I've had my first lying

in about

a month.

I'm feeling good

until I remember

where

I am.

Where are you?

I am in a travel lodge

at Reading

Services.

Wow, after no mentions of Reading for a year and a half, we've now had Reading services mentioned twice in quick succession.

Alison Spittle was on the airbridge at Reading Services, marveling at the skyline of Reading.

Can you confirm?

Like she had an emotional moment.

Yeah, did you see her?

Had she gone back when you opened your curtains?

Was the first thing you saw?

Alison Spittle just crying as she looked at some chimneys.

No,

I unfortunately did not see Alice and Spittle,

mainly because

I was too busy

quatching

all my life choices

that had led to me

to waking

up in a travel lodge in Redding services.

And

this

might be your most boring episode yet and that it says there's spoiler alert

but I think 80%

of my entire day

happened at

Reading services

hang on people have been waiting for the Reading services transit to Maidstone this is the episode that people have been waiting waiting for.

This is why this podcast was designed in the first place.

I'm excited.

It's like a really shit version of the terminal.

You know, the Tom Hanks film, isn't it?

Your whole life is at Reading Services.

Wow.

I'm excited.

I'm excited.

It's 11.

Do I get out of bed immediately?

No.

No, no, no.

I am currently playing

a game

called

Tasty

Travels.

Tasty Travels, right?

So it's an iPhone game.

What the hell happens in Tasty Travels?

It's my

entire life right now.

All I got to do

is to link

two

of the same

kind.

So for example,

if I link

two

prawns,

I will

make a bigger prawn.

Where's the travel aspect to this?

I thought you'd be like, you travel to Portugal where you link a prawn with an Australian shrimp.

You know what I mean?

Something like that.

Oh no.

That is very

deceptive

because there's absolutely no travelling

at all.

It's all about

linking up.

You can link up a football with another

football

and of course

that will make a football

of course.

Right.

It says here, open your phone and join us on a journey around the culinary world.

Tasty travels.

Is that what we're on?

In tasty travels, you get to travel the world while experiencing local cuisines, learning to make various specialty dishes, and sharing with friends from all corners of the globe, including Reading Services.

The most exciting part, you can combine two identical ingredients to create new, exquisite dishes, reveling in the joy of cooking, it says.

So, for example, if it was like ready, steady, cook, and all I had was two footballs to feed someone, I could combine them and make a glove out of them.

Is that what you're telling me?

Perfect.

So,

I think that synopsis is interesting

because it did

start

very

food

based

but now I'm on level 100

we're going into the football world

we're going into

the bottle world

so it's all about

choosing what you are making

and I am

so sorry

to say that I played Taste Travels

for about

45

minutes.

Okay.

I have a question.

If you combine two prawns, you get a giant prawn.

If you combine the giant prawn with another prawn, do you get an even bigger prawn?

You see, he writes for The Guardian.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you

for asking

their

questions

everyone wants to hear.

It really

depends.

So

if I remember correctly,

you go

little

prawn,

middle and prawn,

bigger prawn,

chicken.

That feels like it's not a sequence.

You only connect.

They're never getting that.

I thought it was going to go like scorpion.

No, maybe prawn, then scorpion, then like lobster in terms of like shelled, earwiggy, clawed animals, something like that.

No, there's a lot of...

Oh,

they know they've covered the prawn space.

Someone should have been sworn.

and there's a meeting room where they gone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Big round of applause.

That person gets a raise.

They're the CEO.

Prawn, prawn, prawn.

Ring the bell.

Ring the bell.

Ding, ding, ding.

So, Jonesy, you do this for 45 minutes lying in the Reading Services Travel Lodge bed.

I do

and I'm also

listening to Catherine Ryan's pole cats yeah

as I do this

and

she's a very clever lady

she's

talking about

putting her flat

on sale

did

I

temporarily

think

shall I buy cat from Ryan's

flat

and then I thought

I can't buy cat from Ryan's flat

I'm in a travel lodge at Reading services

yeah but what if you're such an eccentric billionaire you have bought the entire travel lodge at Reading Services and you sleep in a different room every night?

You just love travel.

You love the freesome, the excitement of people going to other parts of the country.

How much

do you think it will cost?

I think I could pick it up for a million pounds.

It would be intriguing when you go to settle your bill when you're checking out of the travel travel lodge and you just have like a black sack with money on it and you dump it on the counter.

Do you have any extras, Rosie?

Yes, one extra.

I'm buying the whole place and all of you.

It's just not when you're scrolling through right move.

You just go house, house, house, travel renting services and you show it to your wife and you go, Jamie, I didn't ask you because I knew you'd want it, but this is what we've got.

But

I don't see a downside

to buying the travel logic reading services

because of first of all

24-7

party.

Yeah,

well, of sorts.

Of sorts.

Secondly,

as a comedian,

you've always had comedy friends

who won't place to

stay

ideally at

yeah at red in services it's true i mean it does have good links to the rest of the country doesn't probably got a wild bean cafe as well nearby oh well we'll get into that

and now we're

familiar

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okay Rosie, it's 11:45.

You've done your tasty travels.

If you haven't already, it's time to seize the day.

Yeah.

I'm not really seasoning anything yet apart from

the

soap

slash shampoo slash condition

books

in the shower.

Are you stealing it?

I am eating

famously, there's enough nutrition in it.

If you don't get the breakfast you drink from the general-purpose cleaning detergent product, no, I'm getting the quirky shower ever.

I'm putting the

soap

slash shampoo slash conditioner

everywhere.

I'm using the shots made from my hair

to wash my amput.

It's a very

bubbly

situation,

but I feel a lot cleaner

than I did

in my taste date travels

So when I use that multi-product, when my hair is longer, it boofs out and I look like one Wendeline who Wallace from Wallace and Grommet, his love interest,

whereby it just boofs everything to this enormous.

So then I basically have to wear a woolly hat for the day to bring it back down again.

Does this have the same effect on your beautiful flaxen locks, Rosie?

Not really,

because

I then

let it dry

in the air

and as you can see it's mulking okay.

Yes, so much so that it seems like it's what's the slogan?

I'm worth it.

Maybe I'm worth it.

Except the product in question is the multi-purpose bathroom/slash body slash hair cleaner available in travel lodges.

We haven't really had as detailed the process of showering since Adam Buxton, and he did it cold.

I'm wondering, oh, yeah, I'm interested in the temperature you're going for here.

I'm a hot shower guy, it's nicer, but Adam Buxton's more successful.

I am hot, you're hot, of course.

Yeah, I

sometimes

about

once a year

I try a cold one,

and then I go,

This is amazing!

I should do this

every

single day.

And then I do remember that I like

myself.

So, yeah,

hot,

hot,

hot told away.

The hotter,

the better.

Okay, good.

This isn't me.

Well, it will sound like me.

But I have a friend

who gets sexually aroused

by

hot

things.

and then specially

in the shower

he will

challenge himself

to put it on

as hot

as

possible

to the point that it will

gold

his skin because he finds the feeling of burning

himself

very sexy.

Wow.

I mean, it's possible my co-presenter here met his wife on a volcano in south america

so it's possible you now associate great heat with a sort of sexy horniness then too we won't participate in anything carnal unless we're on a lava flow

when you met your wife on the volcano

were you sexually aroused i mean i was more than she was i think it's fair to say yeah i wouldn't say aroused.

Like, I wasn't like.

We don't have time to go into Rosie, but he spent several years just coincidentally turning up and where she was.

You know, she would be in Aspen, Colorado, and he would just be like sipping a latte in a local cafe.

Fancy meeting you here, you know, that kind of a thing.

So it took a while.

That is exactly what I thought when I met you.

That was an

absolute perfect

of the highest

order.

Absolutely, yeah.

That's how I'm known.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Western, it's midday.

You've got checkout.

You're washed, you're dressed.

It's time to hit the services, I presume.

You're starving.

You're starving.

Yeah, I'm checking now.

Can I call them from

bit of a traveler?

barely

it doesn't

feel very foilery

does it

so i meet my tall manager

at the

foyer

of the grand

travel lodge

and we look at each other and we go

we need to work

and we need

coffee

pumped into our faints

immediately

so we

walk about ten steps

into

reading services oh here we go highway to the danger zone here we go and you know what it says small services

but it's got

all the things

i need

it's a got a prot oh yeah it's got a ms

it's got a culture a double

h smith

and

a mcdonald's

so you the outfit.

Yeah, it'd be good if it had one real curveball shop.

You know, for no reason, it has like a Timpsons or something like that that no one has been to for the last five years.

Just sitting there.

Where do you go of this list?

I'm going to predict.

Where's Rosie going?

Costa.

Straight to her.

She's more prep than Costa.

Well, I'll give you a clue.

I get my food

from one place

and I get my coffee

from another.

No one is going food from Costa.

Like no one in the last 200 years has got food from Costa unless it was the only thing.

So it's got to be coffee from Costa, food from Pratt, unless I've missed some of the other ones.

No, it's food from MS.

You're getting food from MS.

But what I need to know is, do you then get in trouble when?

Because it's a fair judgment on pratt when you sit down and start eating you know the salmon and cream cheese sandwich from Marx and Spencer's

so DOD

you are right

I went

through from Minnets

coffee from pratt yeah because

cut food from copster

is

absolutely fucking dog shit.

This podcast is brought to you by Costa.

Get the new armoured latte.

Just $3.99 from Reading Westbound.

There's a rumor it tastes like dog shit, but we don't know where that rumour started.

And this

comes

from a woman who had just

washed her entire

hair and body body

with warm products.

Do you think that they

say to themselves in Pratt, it's the iconic Rosie Jones, we will not come down on her like a ton of bricks for violating the main rule of Pratt?

Do you think you're leveraging your celebrity status in Reading services here?

So that's

why Redding services are so great

because

they don't really

have

tables

for the restaurants.

Open plan.

It's just an open plan

communal area.

Got it.

They don't give a shit what you're reading.

This is interesting.

From 2017, so obviously it's a little while ago.

The BBC, no less, England's best and worst motorway service stations named the M4's Reading Services Westbound takes the crown for the country's best stop-off with a customer satisfaction score of 100%.

100%!

You're the westbound or the eastbound, Rosie?

You were the best one there is.

So we were

going

from Britstow

to Maitstow.

Oh, no, that's eastbound, isn't So

oh

for

yeah, you blew it.

You had such a chance.

Imagine 100%.

That means no one has ever had any problem.

No one's ever had a bad day.

No one has ever taken like a leaky poo there.

Nothing bad has ever happened in the westbound.

You were in the eastbound.

Oh, damn it.

That's why I was so sad.

Okay, so we open our laptop we presumably have free wiffy there wait a minute because there's a table situation

so the exact

services we're talking about

is a moto

moto

yeah i love a moto

for their

work

proofed.

Oh, wow.

They kind of

spaces

covered.

We're plugged

and it feels

quite private.

We

get there and we go.

Hopefully

we can get a proof.

Now

all five are taken

by

what can

only be described as

the

same

woman

thrown

five times

okay i'm gonna predict so it's a lady with a blonde bob in a karen type unidlow coloured puffer jacket a pencil skirt what do you think yeah and they've all got a newspaper

they've all got their daily mail yes and they're all

absolutely seeing

at their horses

you'd think one of them would be like rosie you need to keep writing your iconic comedy please have my little space i'm just getting outraged by whatever the Daily Mail is outraged by at the moment.

It's the boats, it's the small boats.

It's the mail on the small boats.

Now, I'm gonna

blow your mind and break your heart

in one

small sentence.

Ready?

Some people

in the world

don't give a shit about me.

I have never met any of these people, so I find there are five.

There are five people that don't give a shit, and they all look the same, and they're lined up in booths at the Moto Eastbound.

So

we sit down at a much

baby

table,

and Ash

is talking to me,

but all I am thinking is

eyes on the booth,

eyes on

the

booth,

and as soon as

one of the clones gets up,

the cerebral palsy in my body

goes away

and you

have

not seen a person

sprint into a booth

quicker

and we're there

we're in the booth

i'm using all the pull sockets

i'm charging my laptop

I'm charging my phone.

I'm charging my headphones ready for you boys thank you today

beautiful sound I'm eating my wonder

sandwich

I'm eating my olives I'm drinking my coffee

I'm a happy lady It's almost a perfect Daily Mail story would be

so-called woke comedian Rosie Jones.

I saw her sprinting across Reading services to steal a table from someone else.

Hmm.

Able-bodied.

I never

heard that.

I would say, come get me.

Come

get me.

Okay.

So we've had a coffee, we've had a sandwich, we've chatted to Ash.

Where are we going now?

I would imagine you'd be on the way to Maidston, but you want to stay in the services a little longer.

This is such rookie behavior by Max Rosie.

You don't want to get to Maidstone pre-5pm.

Is that a rule of comedians or just a rule of Maidstone?

D.O.D.,

you are so right.

We look

in.

We get more cock foods.

I'm gonna rush through this a bit because

would you believe it's even

more boring

than my tasty travels

45

minutes?

But I do emails,

I do my receipts,

I edit every video that I'm doing

advertising the national

look to rea yeah I do

a

Instagram post

of photos

taken on me where I look

very beautiful great surprise surprise

she's also the director of my foundation.

Oh, Rosie Jones Foundation.

I'm a good

lady

and don't you ever forget.

So

we had a big talk about

our

next

steps and what we're doing.

Yeah, I feel

like we were there for about three

hours.

I guess once you've got a booth, you've got a booth, right?

Max,

we had a booth.

If you could have

said to me with the utmost confidence,

in Maidstone,

you will get a booth.

We would have gone to Maidstone.

Yes, get that.

I get that.

But you can't take that, Greg.

I'm not sure if there was.

Firstly, congratulations.

You are the first person with a foundation that we have spoken to.

Nish Kumar does not, to the best of my knowledge, have one.

Sarah Pasco

absolutely not.

The David Odi foundation.

If I did have one, like, what would it be?

It would be like tiny keyboards.

It would be for bicycle repair, wouldn't it?

Yeah.

But that's a bike shop.

That's not really a foundation.

You'd call it a foundation.

I think maybe tiny keyboards bring them to like war-torn areas.

And my van comes over the hill, and people are like, at last, food.

And then I just hand out tiny keyboards and they're like, go fuck yourself.

Yeah.

The whole of sub-Saharan Africa pressing demo.

All pressing demo.

Maybe Maybe you can make tiny edible

keyboards.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, see.

Oh, God.

What's the foundation do?

So it helps

people with serable pulses with a focus on

mental health.

So if you got a physical

detail,

you're much more likely

to suffer with your mental health.

So for example,

we just

donated a large chunk of money

to a company

that pairs disabled people

with

who have

the same disability

as

them

which is a huge

game changer

because

I've had a lot of non-disabled therapists

and without that common ground

it's so hard to talk about

yeah what you need to talk about

and this

company

works a lot with the nhs

but naturally

the waiting lists at the nhs

are

so long

that with our

help

they've been able to clear the waiting list

and it means all the people

with CP

who needed

immediate help.

Yeah.

I get in it.

Fucking hell.

Jeez.

What am I I'm just playing a little key.

It's okay, David.

The thing is, David, I used to do a lot of charity work and then I had children and I am too tired to help anyone, even myself.

So when they're 25 years old, I'll go back to doing something good.

The Max Rushton Foundation just tries to pair Max Rushton with baristas that know how to make his a really annoying three-quarter double flat white

important chord.

That's brilliant, Rosie.

Yeah, well done, Rosie.

So, what time are we moving out of Reading Services?

So, me

and

are very

neurospicy.

When we get locked into work

nothing

happens around

us

so I think we

initially said

we'll get on the road at half two

okay and we got on the road at

four o'clock.

Oh, yes,

so then we

had

missed

the time for food

at

Maitstone.

Oh shit, so then we are on the motorway

and we stop off at another

service

This is good.

And

I cannot remember which one it was.

Come on.

Could you tell me about how far into the journey it was?

Because I'm on Google Maps here.

So you're going to be going

A329

past Slough and then you're going to take the M25 and you're probably going to go through Red Hill, Seven Oaks on your way to Maidstone.

I'm just trying to wonder where

we were about

15

minutes away from Maidstone.

Okay, right.

I can really now.

This is like hunted.

15 minutes from Maidstone.

Right now, I'm just going to have to go services.

What did the services have in it, Jonesy?

Was it a similar setup with all these great options and shared tables?

So they said to why we stop there

because it had a Leon.

Okay.

I love a Leon.

Okay, so to our international listeners, how do we describe a Leon?

It's like a Michelin-starred takeaway where even the boxes are fancy.

Yeah, like

if McDonald's

sold

real

food.

Yes.

If McDonald's had a string quartet in the corner, yeah, and a server came over and said, I trust everything is delicious, for me, that's Leon.

Yeah, pure class.

Okay, I think I have it, guys.

I think you were at Clacket Lane eastbound.

There is a Leon.

It only gets a 3.2.

I was at Clacket Lane.

Yes!

As soon as you said it, I was

off

caution

for that blanket lane.

That's the closest I've ever felt to being in the FBI, I think.

Do you know what?

It felt good.

It felt really good.

Do you get the meatballs?

Do you have meatballs in a box?

No, I get the chicken nuggets.

Oh, they're good nuggets.

They are very

good.

Also,

sorry, can I say aside now?

that you probably

notice

that it's very

quiet now

and that is because

every single member of the premiere and

kitchen team

have gone home

and for the last

hour

they've been cleaning around to me,

giving me

such

dirty looks

when everyone

mentioned

the travel local cut.

I was trying to think what they would think you were doing, and I've decided we're police investigators.

You know what I mean?

We're trying to figure out how watertight your alibi is for some murder you definitely committed yesterday.

But because of the cuts, we do everything remotely now.

It's a bit of a problem.

Then we say, if we think you're guilty, we say, now could you just come in?

Because we need to imprison you for 25 years.

Okay, now, so are we straight to the theater in Maidstone?

Yes, Coach.

Now

I am

in the North Gates

on the go.

And then we get there to the Hayst hastel

theatre.

It's a beautiful

venue.

We go straight onto stage

and sort out sound

and sort out lighting

and it's all looking

good.

I thought for a second you were just this was so exciting you were literally just running on stage with half a Leon chicken nugget and then just going good evening maidstone and just toss the rest into the crowd and go here we are

amazing have a nugget

What a tagline that would be.

It's the title of the show.

Why is the show called Have a Nugget, You Fuckers?

And then Jodze walks out and like confetti, they start to drop from the ceiling.

That people have made stood all on the floor just gobbling up Leon nuggets.

yes no so we're talking about

half six

right now yeah and the show starts at seven

oh shit you've got a seven o'clock show no sorry

half seven okay half seven okay right how do we fill that lost hour then between Sanchez and uh ladies and gentlemen Rosie Jones Naturally,

it's about trash talking.

Fellow comedian

Daniel Kitson.

So you're engaging with...

Is it via voice message or is it by a text?

Via text.

Because the night before

I was in Britstall

Old Vic

and I get a text

at half six

from Mitch Day Kitchen

saying

I am where you were

last

night.

And I said,

I am not fucking telling you where I was

last night.

Where do you think

I was

last night?

It was

a very

aggressive

hello.

Yeah.

But I'm just annoyed

that I didn't know that he would be there

because

I would have

left

a present for him.

what do you mean are we talking about a poo in a bag chelsey surely not oh not in a bag yeah and a ziploc no i came one of the blue plastic bag

oh that's sweet that is sweet yeah

get good money for them on ebay there's a lot of them knocking around but yeah

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So, we trash talk kits and do you have a tourist support or are you doing the whole show yourself?

I'm out there

raw dogging.

Roar dogging Nightston.

Why not?

It's true.

Because, I mean, if you have a support, they effectively take care of the raw vibes.

And you just come on like Ed Gamble in the second half to the great cheers and roars.

But the real ones go out off the top, Jonesy.

Yes, they your protection.

they're your barrier.

Without

them, me and you're

all dogging

all over the place.

And how is it?

Are they excited to see you?

How are the people?

I've never been to Maidstone.

I would imagine they're hardy coastal folk, probably the waft of herring smokers in the room, you know?

I would say sorry, Maidston,

but they are a pure

six out of ten

they are

smiling

they are laughing

are they laughing

a bit delayed

sure

have I got to tell them to

pick up their act

and to be better.

Yes.

Great.

Do I say, I know I'm amazing.

So

do a fucking better job.

Yeah.

They love that.

Audiences famously love that.

Yeah.

You're again, part motivator.

That's what you are as well.

Do they improve?

Will Daniel Kitson when because he's obviously just following you around the country now?

Yeah.

They'll be ready for him.

Yeah,

Daniel Kitson will have a lovely night tonight.

And

after that, I did a lovely meeting and greet.

Apart from

the last

lady

show.

I do ate me and greet every night and people

are so lovely

so polite

and then you always

get one

who always

means to watch oh no but they hang

back

because

they go

I think

I am funny and I think

me and Rosie will be friends.

Oh no.

The problem with that is

they are not funny and we will not be friends.

Come on, what did she say?

So this lady

I would have said a guest

was in her mid to late

50s

and in their show

I eat

half a banana okay of course I do absolutely so this

lady

had

gone onto stage

and stole my banana

and told to me that she was

taking it home

to freeze it.

Oh gosh, this is getting sinister now.

Because

my lips

have all been

over there beneath.

Wow.

And when I asked her if she wanted a photo

with me,

she said

no

because

having a photo with you

when I don't even know you

is

weird.

Oh god.

So which I said,

but

stealing a banana

and freezing it because

my mouth has

touched it.

That's not weird.

worried.

Yeah.

And she said,

exactly.

It reminds me a bit of a friend of mine is a comedian.

And once I was in a pub, someone asked him for a photo, and then four people wanted to be in a photo.

And another guy was in the queue.

And he waited.

till it was his turn and he just said to my friend, I don't have a fucking clue who you are and just went back,

which is like as if my friend had been like, All right, line up, everyone.

I'll do some photos.

Yeah, you know, there's a desire to put people in their places, I think, lest you think you're getting a bit above yourself.

Yeah.

Do you think when you next play Maidstone, she'll be back and she'll have a frozen banana?

Do you wonder about the banana?

Oh,

so on

the 10-minute drive to the primary area,

where you

see me now.

Beautiful.

Me and Ash

started talking about

what's in store

for that banana.

But as well as that, she

did tell me that she would like to kiss me

with tongues

and she

asked me if i wanted to

feel

her breath oh my

which

i politely

declined

but i think that will give you a little

insight to

what will

happen to that banana?

Because you know, you sometimes think about like a cat and the luck of where they're born and who their owners are or whatever.

And maybe most bananas probably live a good

life up until being consumed.

There are better places to be a banana.

Some bananas get open too early.

They're a bit hard.

Some are perfectly right, some go moldy.

But this banana is like this banana has been captured and almost feel we need to rescue the banana.

Yeah, pray for the banana.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe we could get a SWAT team to try.

I feel like that banana

needs a lot of

flavour.

I think so.

If it ever makes it out.

It will be like that room with Barack Obama and Madeline Albright and when they're getting bin Laden, won't they?

We've got the banana, but they're rescuing the banana.

It's slightly, the analogy doesn't quite work.

But you take my point.

So you're trying to say shoot the banana and throw it in the sea, though.

Shoot the banana and say, it was better that we shot the the banana, that it went through what we know it was gonna go through.

So we return, or we don't return, we embark on a new journey to this fresh Premier Inn, which is, in terms of room cost, about 15 quid more than a travel lodge.

Do you immediately feel that extra 15 pounds of luxury?

I do,

I do, but now we're tying everything

into a

lovely bow

because

I immediately realize

that I cannot get away from

my room.

So I go,

Fuck

how am I gonna do the podcast

tomorrow?

So I worry about that slightly

yes but then i realize

you know what i haven't played

for about ten hours

oh yeah we know let's make two bananas a giant banana tasty travel

travels

and then because

i wanted to

go into

the night

thinking about you too,

I

listened to the Helen Bower

trapped on public transport that episode.

So traumatic.

I thought it would calm me down, but it reminded me how much of a fucking idiot she is.

do we doze off to sleep while playing tasty travels a bit of a book anything do we have a drink before we go to bed just raw dog raw dog the night just dry

raw dog

tasty travels

you two

the fucking public transport idiot

and then at a point I fall asleep.

There's a day on the road.

I like it because it's not the most glamorous, like, you know, Rob Beckett's day on the road opens with like being picked up by his driver, you know, and all of this.

And whereas this is for the real ones right here.

Let's say

for anyone who goes, oh my god, Tomo Bay amazing.

No,

it is

six hours in Redding services

and you're chilly burning banana.

Take it sexually

sorry,

Rosie Jones.

Thank you very much for telling us what you did yesterday.

I love you, boys.

Max.

Yeah.

I love

Oh, there we go.

Love you, Rosie.

What a great episode.

David, the fact that

you think you've had enough service station.

Yeah.

And then

she pulls right into another one.

And that is just, you know, also

in the league table of hotels, the fact that that she has to come to the canteen, that doesn't reflect well.

I wouldn't say I'm a Premierian loyalist.

Right.

Ultra.

You're not an ultra.

No, I have always tried to stay in better hotels than Premier Inns.

But I would definitely have had the travel lodge at a lower status.

And look at her now, just yelling in the canteen, much to the bafflement, I would imagine, of the staff.

And does all that and also has a foundation.

And

neither of us have a foundation.

do we need to start a what did you do yesterday foundation

we need to do help people with their yesterdays yeah exactly we help people with their yesterdays and when anyone gets in touch we say it's already happened there's nothing we can do

but we'll fundraise like crazy make millions stop living at the past

let the past be the past said an eight-year-old okay if you'd like to get in touch with the podcast we do love your feedback it's especially useful for the midweek mayhem episodes because without them it it's not a lot of content.

So yes,

here's how you get in touch.

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudo yesterdaypod at gmail.com.

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And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

And if you didn't, please don't.

Hey, thanks, David.

I had a nice time once again.

Thanks, Mark.

Thanks, Rosie Jones.

And

thanks to the ladies who blocked the posh seats in the eastbound Reading services because, you know, we got a real window into Rosie's life from that.

Everything is service in it for life.

Yes!