Season 3 Episode 5: Antigone in the Spotlight

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Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now?

Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with a class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

AKA Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

Antigone Fun runs a funeral home in the village of Piffling Vale.

It used to be the only one.

It isn't anymore.

The Piffling Amateur Dramatic Society is staging their latest production.

But Antigone won't be buying a ticket because she's got rather involved.

Wooden Overcoats by David K.

Barnes.

Season 3, Episode 5.

Antigone in the Spotlight.

It's the opening night of The Sun Beyond the Shade by Isabella Magoon.

The people of Piffling are packed into the theatre, intrigued by rumours of a production in chaos.

They've scented blood, and they're here to get it, clutching their programs with ghoulish delight.

And alone in the wings, is Antigone fun.

Oh, they're here.

Everyone's here.

What can I do, Madeline?

What can I do?

I know.

Quick, take these matches and a copy of the script.

Go on, start Start a fire.

Give me a pause.

Pick up the match.

Okay, everyone.

Five minutes till curtain.

No, no, we can't do it, Georgie.

Tell them something.

Anything.

Just make them all go home.

You've got nerve talking to me after what I saw in that dressing room.

But there was nothing.

You've got to believe me.

It didn't look like nothing.

You know, I actually thought you were my friend.

Five minutes till curtain.

Oh.

How did I let things get to this?

Roger, wait.

What is it?

You were right.

I should have listened to you.

This place is a mess.

We've got to escape.

Now look here, Antigone.

As of that little incident just now, we are no longer on speaking terms.

I'm sorry.

Too late.

You got us into this.

Now you're going to get us out of it.

Oh!

Eyes bright, Madeline.

It's all been my fault.

If I could only travel back in time, I'd make sure we never started.

In the very first rehearsal, things started to go wrong.

Yes, I think I'll take over from here.

After all, I am a professional.

So, let's turn the clock back to that first rehearsal one week ago.

The playwright, Isabella Magoon, was in the middle of the theatre.

She was also dead, embalmed.

and at rest in her coffin.

Antigone had done a pretty good job, but her funeral wasn't due for a number of days.

Before that was the matter of her very last play.

Antigone!

Look!

This place has got coffee?

Of course it has coffee.

What do you think I just drink?

Small back!

Fresh.

If I'd known the theatre had this sort of thing, I'd have come here long ago.

Would you have watched any shows?

I wouldn't go that far.

What's wrong with live performance?

I hate gimmicks.

Where are the scripts?

They're here, Bradjad.

Open your eyes.

This is where we're reading the play.

Antigone, that's not a table, that's her coffin.

I put chairs round it.

Put the coffee down.

Are we sure it isn't sacrilege?

I haven't got coasters.

She wanted to be present at the reading of her last play.

That's not too much to ask, is it?

Antigone.

She wanted to be at the reading, at rehearsal, at the performance, and in the performance.

Despite being dead.

You make her sound like an egomaniac.

She's dead, and she's written a part for herself.

She's only playing the body.

She'll still put herself in every scene.

Look, to let us have a funeral, we had to agree to do the play.

She left the money behind to cover it, and we're getting the theatre for nothing.

It's the most ridiculous venture we've ever engaged in.

We once had to bury a seagull, Roger.

I least I hadn't written a play.

If you hate it so much, then why did you agree to be in it?

Because I don't want Chapman to take all the glory.

Look, if this is our production, then why is he starring in it?

You're just jealous because you've only got one line.

I am not.

There are no small parts, only bad ones.

I just don't see what that man should be in our play.

It's not our play.

We're just making sure it happens.

And let's be honest, we're not exactly busy right now, are we?

Speak for yourself.

I make the coffee.

Hey guys, shall I let the casting?

Not yet, Georgie.

We should wait for Marlena.

Wait.

Marlena's coming.

Wow, the smorkin old fit one from the circus.

Yes, she's directing the poem.

Wow.

Is she bringing the wit?

Focus on the job, Georgie.

Why, Marlena?

She's their favorite director.

But she's mad and she hates us.

That describes over half the people on the island.

We've got to work with some of them.

Hey, I think she's here, and Elephant's just pulled off.

Raise yourself, Antigone.

Oh, stop it.

I'm sure she's forgotten who we even are.

Oh, yes, I mean, who can't sweep 40 dead clowns under the carpet these days?

A judge.

It was Marlena Magdalena, the tyrant of the travelling circus.

Her jacket was was the color of blood, and her top hat was alarmingly jaunty.

She strode towards the stage, nearly crushing me underfoot.

Until she stood, eye to eye with the funds.

So,

we meet again.

Do you mind if I smoke?

Yes.

Does it look like I care?

No.

I want you both to know I am not doing this for you.

And I am not doing it for the money.

There is money, yes.

Profit share.

Oh, for God's sake.

Okay, okay.

It doesn't matter.

I am doing this for my old friend Isabella.

I knew that drink and drugs would get her in the end.

Yes, though, of course, she was killed by a bear.

Is there anything we should talk about before we start?

Just follow my three simple rules.

Go away, let me direct, and though I run a circus, I will not tolerate clowning around.

Especially as all my clowns are dead.

Oh, look, she remembers!

Shut up!

Oh, I feel like the play, guys.

Georgie entered with two members of the cast, both favourites on the Andram scene.

Petunia Bloom had been in every show on Piffling for over 20 years, whilst Reverend Wavering was best known for his portrayal of Hamlet, Hamlet, in which he'd improvised two additional hours of text during To Be or Not To Be.

Ah, it's a pleasure to be back here at the Elder Manuel.

Oh, I'm surprised they let us in again after last year.

What happened?

Jesus Christ, superstar.

We had a few too many beers before the show and nearly crucified Herbert Coff.

Yes, he bellowed some very unholy language that night, didn't he?

Mind you, I'm sure Jesus would have done the same if that kind of thing had happened to him.

Small talk is done.

Now we do drama.

Where is the one they call Chapman?

Oh, here I am.

Evening all.

And at last, Eric Chapman, who turned our lives upside down, not least of all Antigone's.

Romantic, enigmatic.

Sent here by forces unknown.

Sorry, I was just in the toilet.

Have I missed anything?

Not yet.

I've been looking forward to streading the boards again.

You know, I was the Phantom of the Opera for a few weeks on Broadway.

Your anecdotes are wasting time.

Someone, hand out scripts.

You creepy girl.

Me?

Distribute now.

Um, here you are, Chapman.

Oh, thank you.

Don't mention it yet.

You're a soldier back from the war.

Mm-hmm.

But Junior, you're the woman in love with him.

Uh, is there any knocking in it?

Not really.

Ah.

In that case, I'll tell Sid he can come.

Reverend, you're the soldier's father, a man of principle and firm convictions.

Haha, typecasting in.

And Roger has one line as the chauffeur.

I'll park the car.

Very good.

I suppose I'm producing Georgie's own props.

And I'll be doing the rest.

The play is a simple story.

Boy goes to war.

Girl is sad.

She loves him, but never told him.

Boy comes back for mother's funeral, and girl thinks maybe I should tell him while I've got second chance.

Oh, how romantic.

What happens?

Over the first half, she decides she ought to tell him everything, and over the second half, she talks herself out of it again.

It's three hours long, and it's excellent.

It's meaningless.

It's not.

She could tell the story in three minutes if they stopped being silly about it.

All the talking is self-indulgent.

So now you're an expert on the human condition.

Do you recall our parents ever speaking to each other?

Not very much.

Because they got it all out of the way before they were married.

That's what I call efficiency.

Oh, what do you know about theatre, Rudgehard?

There's an exquisitely moving and powerful text about celebrated passion.

It's more powerful for the things it doesn't say than the things it actually does.

It's also a load of crap.

I beg your pardon?

It's crap!

The little man is right.

It is long, it is boring.

It's overwrought.

That too.

Oh, thank you.

And why are we doing it if it's as bad as all that?

Because it is final play of Isabella McGuhan.

And being a waste of our lives doesn't change that.

But I, Marlena Magdalena, believe that we together can find the excitement in this story, the passion in these characters.

Together we shall make these dead woods live!

Are you with me?

Yes!

Then let us begin.

Yeah, that's the stuff.

By the end of that first rehearsal, to Antigone's horror, 90 minutes had been removed from the play.

Yes, nothing had happened in them, but nothing had at least happened beautifully.

And now the 90 minutes of nothing happening wouldn't not be happening after all.

You can understand Antigone's distress.

Afterwards, she reluctantly joined Marlena and her accomplices at the bar in Chapman's funeral home, feeling entirely adrift from them all, like an unwanted broom in a big puddle.

Everyone, that was strong work today,

and strong work deserves strong liquor.

I'm right.

Right.

And here's a few packets of crease.

Oh, she does look after us.

I asked for a glass of milk, but I bet I won't get it.

Shouldn't have hired Marlena.

She's turning the play into something it isn't.

Yeah, entertaining.

She's great.

I'm tall.

I want her to pick me up and put me in her hat.

Guys, let's make it happen.

Gosh, that was a whirlwind, wasn't it?

You pleased with how it's going, Antigone?

I would be if we could leave the script alone.

Oh, I think a few cuts here and there won't hurt.

We've lost half the play.

I still park the car.

I know it's not exactly what the author wrote, but I do think we're making it better.

I don't want to make it better.

I want to do it as it is.

What about the audience?

They don't come.

Right.

Well, at the end of the day, it's just a bit of fun, isn't it?

Can I get any drinks?

Glass of milk, Rudyard?

That won't be necessary, Chapman.

Suit yourself.

Didn't offer me a drink.

We don't need his drinks.

Can you lend me money to buy a glass of milk?

Here.

A bucket.

Half a pint of your semi-skinned.

Why do I always feel like I'm wasting my time?

If running a campaign for the mayor taught me anything, it's that stuff always turns out for the.

Oh, God, here she comes.

Remember the hat thing.

What?

Hey.

Want a drink?

Oh, um, no, thank you, Miss Magdalena.

Please, Marlena.

You weren't happy at rehearsal.

I can't tell.

Nor was I.

No?

No, you think I'm blind?

No.

The problem is Petunia.

Oh, I see.

The character is complex, sometimes small, sometimes big.

Petunia is Petunia.

I knew I should have played it.

You'd have been great.

Really great.

Do you want someone to rub your feet for a while?

I suppose so.

On it.

But whatever happens, we shall do Isabella proud, eh?

I suppose we do still have the greenhouse scene, where Clarissa conveys her isolation through obscure horticultural terms.

It says so much.

Yes, the greenhouse scene.

I forgot we could save another ten minutes there.

Everyone, the greenhouse scene is gone.

Oh, good shot.

Thank you, creepy girl.

We make a great team.

Antigone bit her tongue as the week wore on, but eventually, she could take no more of it.

Okay, let's do it again, but better.

From the top,

I can't believe I'm back so soon.

Yes, God moves in mysterious ways.

Though you may disagree on that point, Reverend.

Sorry, God moves in mysterious ways.

I should never have left.

You had to, my boy, for your country.

There are some needs greater than any one man's.

How long is this speech?

Two pages.

Cut it.

What, but it's gone.

Chapman, your line.

I can hear a motor car.

Are we expecting anyone?

Ah, yes.

Clarissa.

Clarissa, my old friend.

I believe she has something to say to you.

I should leave you two to talk.

Why?

She is already in the hall.

Boring.

Cut it.

Cut it.

Shorter.

From the top.

I can't believe I'm back so soon.

God moves in mysterious ways.

Here's a car.

Miss Clarissa.

My old friend.

Cut me on.

Quicker, quicker, from the top.

I can't believe I'm back so soon.

God, Carl.

Clarissa!

Oh!

Nailed it!

Oh, that felt good.

But she found the changes made to the romantic scenes were the hardest for her to bear.

We should cross the meadow alone again, as we used to.

Just the two of us.

Jenkins?

That will be all.

I'll park

the car.

Rajard, what are you doing?

I'm tapping my nose.

Why?

To give him character.

He doesn't have a character.

He does now.

He taps his nose.

That's ridiculous.

Well, what else do you expect me to do?

We haven't even got a real car.

Oh, you're stupid.

This scene should be more.

It should be something.

It should be sexy.

No, it shouldn't.

What if Charlie took his shirt off?

I guess I could do.

You could?

No, Shalef.

Why on earth would you do that?

Clarissa has a reason to jump him.

But Clarissa doesn't jump him.

Betunia, you can jump him.

I meant in the scene, but whatever helps you out.

But she's a woman too scared to express how she feels.

Look, playful of talking or playful of sex.

Hands up!

Who prefers sex?

Well, it depends what kind of day I've been having.

She can't just walk into a room and get what she wants.

Why not?

I do it all the time.

If I might interject.

Why?

Wow, okay.

Marlena, he wanted this story to be about a woman who shows her love for a man and then loses him when he he returns to the war.

Whereas Antigone prefers the original with the woman not admitting that love in the first place.

I prefer Marlene's.

It's much more exciting.

And there's so much less of the script to learn.

And anyway, how can you possibly care about someone who can't admit to what they want?

Because it happens!

Because it's real.

But if we're allowed to say what we want, then I want you to go away.

What?

Go away.

Antigone?

It's not worth it, dear.

You're ruining this play.

You don't understand it, and you haven't the slightest idea what you're doing.

Do not stand against me!

Get back, I say!

Back!

Don't give me that!

Have you gone mad?

On the contrary, Marlena, I'm finally going safe!

How can this stupid little play matter so much?

Because I like the story!

You think you could do it better?

I couldn't do it worse.

You think so?

Yes!

You think so?

Yes!

Very well.

The play is is yours.

Malena Magdalena.

Quit.

You can't do that.

We're on in a couple of days.

Sucks to be you.

Goodbye and bad luck.

Malena, wait a minute.

Let's not be hasty.

You, creepy girl, shall see me again.

And you will rule this day.

Roo!

But wait, stop.

Where are you going?

I'm running away to rejoin the circus.

Ha!

Um, Antigone?

Antigone?

Well, what?

You heard her?

You all heard her.

I'm the director now.

I'm in charge.

You have to do what I tell you, where else.

Okay.

What do you want us to do?

Oh, right, guys.

I had to crush the coffee beans with my teeth, but I think you'll find that there are.

Oh.

Did I miss something?

Yes!

The milk!

Antigone had done it.

She'd seized the means of dramatic production.

She restored the material that Marlena expunged and even winked at the playwright's coffin before she left the theatre.

She knew that she could do this, so long as they all believed in her.

Antigone, listen, we can cancel the show.

Let's all put our heads together and devise a plausible excuse.

I could burn the theatre down.

If you get caught, then we don't know each other.

Nobody is burning the theatre down.

I'm directing this play, and it will be performed.

Antigone, if I've learned anything, and he hasn't,

Georgie, you're not helping.

Sorry.

One must accept one's limitations and avoid lost causes.

What, since when have you ever done that?

I was never meant to be in the scouts.

And if Chapman runs for mayor again, he shouldn't come crying to me.

That was just another ridiculous scheme in a long line of ridiculous schemes for a cause so lost it might as well be in another universe.

Still got rid of the leaflets.

Not the air horn.

Damn it, I was right to replace Marlena.

Her vision was corrupting a wonderful play.

And if anyone can do it properly, I can.

Right, Georgie?

Could you see me and Marlena ever happening?

I could.

Protigany, are you sure you're carrying on with this?

We've only got two days.

The Sun Beyond the Shade is proceeding as planned, and nobody can stop me.

Well,

in that case, I'd better go over my line.

I'll park for the car.

I'll park the car.

Antigone, can you trust me on my line?

The next evening, a fearless Antigone returned to the theatre, but her confidence began to evaporate.

So I come in with the papers.

You go out with the papers.

I say hello to my son.

You say goodbye to your son.

And I wait with Clarissa.

You don't notice Clarissa.

And then I nip out to the pub and get sloshed.

It was too much, too late.

She was pushing so hard.

At times, they even thought she was mad.

Chapman, preferent,

I'll park the cup.

She just couldn't explain what she wanted in a way they could understand.

And her obsession with the play had made me suspicious.

Okay, Virginia, between the two of us, we can do this.

From your very first entrance, Clarissa, are you there?

Hello, Charlie.

Stop.

Okay, this man.

You want him.

You want this man deeply and you always have, but he doesn't know, and he never can know.

Or maybe he does know, but he's never said, because you've never said, and you never will, unless you do.

But is that likely?

Will it make you strong?

Will it make you weak?

Would he do you any good?

What's the point?

Does it matter?

Do you like yourself?

Love, pride, hate, fear.

Whenever you see this man, is this the day you step from the shade, or will you be forever confined to the darkness?

Oh, you want it like that?

Yes.

Why didn't you say, dear?

Right.

Hello, Charlie.

You're right, it does make a difference, doesn't it?

As she left the theater that night, Antigone averted her gaze from the playwright's coffin, for she felt sure that she had failed them both.

The following night, she arrived at the theatre for the debut performance of The Sun Beyond the Shade.

Every seat was sold, and the audience were filing in.

Please tell me this wasn't a mistake, Georgie.

Okay, this wasn't a mistake.

Could you sound a little more convincing?

Could you give me some direction?

I just did.

That's what I just did do.

Look, if things go proper pair-shaped, I've got a plan.

You give the word, and I'll hit the fire alarm.

You really think the audience would rather be soaked by the sprinkler system than have to watch our play?

I need a cold word.

Blamange, done.

Despite the rumours of Antigone's manic behaviour, Sid Marlowe was here to review the show.

Keep back and give me a programme.

I really can't do both.

Across the floor, sign it to me.

Enjoy the show.

You can't threaten me.

I'll write to my paper.

Even Georgie's grandmother had come to see it.

Nana Crusoe, it's so nice of you to be here.

I've been looking forward to this.

I've heard it's dreadful.

Oh.

Georgie,

which one's Marlena?

She isn't here, Nana.

Your girlfriend, isn't she?

She's not my girlfriend.

Yeah, alright.

We'll just point her out and they won't.

Yeah.

I like to meet her special friend.

Not now, Nana.

Oh, hey, everyone.

Hey, Eric.

Break a leg.

Oh, thank you, Georgie.

No, I mean, really.

Break a leg.

Oh.

Thank you, Georgie.

Gentlemen, what are you doing out here?

The show starts in a few minutes.

I've got a situation backstate.

What kind of situation?

The kind where you're the only person to deal with it.

Oh,

why was I even born?

Antigone followed Eric from the foyer, wondering how bad this disaster could possibly be.

After all, he rarely seemed to need anyone else.

Least of all her.

Right.

Uh, I better leave you alone.

What for, Chapman?

What's going on?

See you in a tick.

Hopefully.

Wait, Chapman.

Yes?

I need to ask.

Do you, um

like the play?

Oh,

yes.

On the whole?

On the whole.

Well,

um.

No, it's fine.

Go on.

I suppose I

still don't know why Clarissa doesn't just tell the guy how she feels.

It'll make things so much easier.

Would it?

Anyway, I should probably let you solve this.

Yes.

See you in a minute.

All right, all right.

What's going on, and why should I care?

To answer both of your questions, me.

Marlena.

So, we meet again, once again, creepy girl.

Okay, look, if you're here to kill me, then can you do it now?

Beat me to death with a prop.

Here, go.

That's a cushion.

I don't want it to hurt.

I'm not here to harm you.

In fact, quite the opposite.

I have come back

to star in the play.

What do you mean, star in the play?

We've already got Petunia Bloom.

The two of us have reached an understanding.

got the dolls in the foyer.

She says Petrunia's just been found tied up and gagged behind a flower stall.

That's just a longer way of saying an understanding.

Marlena, you buried it.

Not for long.

Georgie, find out if Petunia's on her way and then come back and tell me.

Uh yeah, sure.

We start in ten minutes and we don't have our lead.

You have me now.

This is much better.

Marlena, why have you done this?

Because you were right all along, and I came here to tell you the story of a woman who cannot express how she feels.

The dialogue's crap, but the story is magnificent.

That's quite a change of heart.

I read it again and again until I could see the whole thing through your eyes.

My eyes?

Oh, they are intelligent and lonely, yet filled with so much more.

No one has ever dared to confront me the way you did.

You are unique.

You are a titan.

And I have returned to prove to you that I understand this piece.

I have come back to save this play.

But why?

Because

you see,

I am in love with you.

What?

I am in love with you.

You're in love with me?

No, not in love.

In love.

You see, there's a difference.

I am in love with you.

But sorry,

Padma, I know.

No, do not not speak.

Despite what I have said, you must not accept me.

You cannot accept me.

I cannot accept you.

We are professionals.

You cannot accept me.

For the sake of our art, you cannot accept me.

Though my heart may break into a million shards.

No, no, shh.

For the sake of our work, you must promise never, ever accept me.

All right, I won't.

Why do you deny me?

You just told me to.

Oh, you're so cruel.

So cruel.

I'm really not, I promise.

I offer you everything and you'll throw it away.

You want me to beg?

No, I don't want that.

Well, look at me now, on my knees.

Hey, guys.

I am in love with you.

What the hell is going on?

Georgie, Georgie, is not what you think.

It is everything you think and more.

That's not helping.

Antigone.

The one time I actually...

Honestly, Georgie, it's not what you think.

Ten minutes.

Ten minutes till curtains up.

Got that?

Georgie.

Opportunity is not coming.

Who cares about her?

You dare still reject me?

I don't know what's happening.

I've upset a friend.

The show is a catastrophe.

And I can't handle anything else right now.

But do you think you could love me?

No.

No, I.

No.

Can't you lie to me just for an evening?

I won't lie about something something like this.

And nor will you say what you want.

I'm sorry, Marlene.

I really am sorry.

You don't have pity for me.

I don't have pity for you.

You don't have pity for me?

No.

Why not?

Please, Marlene.

No, we've got a show to do, and we've got to get on with it now.

You mean you have a show to do?

I am going home.

You can't do that.

I came back here for you, and you turned me away.

No, no.

I am not angry.

You were honest, and and I am honest.

I cannot do this play.

Not now.

But there's nobody else.

No one could have done it better.

Farewell, creepy girl.

One day we may meet again.

Perhaps.

Perhaps.

See you after the show.

Why am I...

Why is anything?

Why is this?

Why is that?

Why won't won't anyone help me?

Tiggly!

Oh, there you are!

I've had a fantastic idea!

Yes!

Yes, what is it?

I think the chauffeur should be Scottish!

What?

Listen.

I'll park the car.

Oh, no, sorry, that was Welsh.

My judge.

I still think we're missing a few extra layers.

My judge.

Just something to make the character work.

By Jad.

I mean, I've come to do this, Scottish, right?

My judge.

I'll park the car.

We'll park the car.

I'll park the car.

I'll park the car.

Just say the line.

Just say the line.

Say the line.

Just walk on stage and say the line.

Say the line.

Say the line.

All you have to do is say the line.

Say the line.

Say the line.

Just say the bloody line.

Antigone?

What?

That was unkind.

Hey,

so, uh,

we need a plan,

sort of

now.

And so, here we are, in the wings, with nowhere left to run, at a coffin on stage with a dead playwright in it.

And, as we all know, the show must go on.

I keep telling myself I've been doing it for her.

All I needed to do was embalm embalm her body, and I did that over a week ago.

Funerals tomorrow, why did I care about this play so much?

Curtis up in one minute!

What was it all for?

Antigone?

Chapman?

It's gonna work.

Okay?

They'll love this play, and it'll be great.

Oh, I see.

You've got some secret plan worked out to make it all better.

No,

just trying to give you a boost.

Do you really think they'll like the play?

And what about Clarissa?

Will they like her too?

Let's hope so.

But they've got to like her, she's the whole point.

Really?

She spends all her time moping around her greenhouse pining for Charlie.

She's difficult to root for.

But

she's scared.

Her life's going by.

It's kind of pathetic.

I feel sorry for her more than anything.

But I'm sure the audience will go for it.

On your marks!

Antigone.

Get it!

Oh, Fina.

I was beginning to think it was never stolen.

Here, what's that notebook for?

You're stealing ideas.

I'm reviewing it for the paper.

Oh, you're the reviewer?

I hear it's dreadful.

My girlfriend's starring in it.

Oh, that should help.

Does your editor know your girlfriend's in this?

I am the editor.

Corruption in the media gets worse every day.

I can't believe I'm back so soon.

Yes, I'm told that God moves in mysterious ways by some people.

I should never have left.

You had to, my boy.

For...

Oh, uh...

For some reason.

Yes, right.

Oh, the wall.

Probably.

Yep.

Thank God.

Uh, I can hear a motor car.

Are we expecting anyone?

Ah, yes, Clarissa.

Clarissa, my old friend.

I believe she has something to say to you.

I should leave you two to talk.

Why?

She's already in the hall.

Ah, Clarissa, Clarissa, are you there?

Hello, Charlie.

And chickeny fout.

Oh, and Clarissa, it really is you.

Yes.

And it really is me.

Yes.

We must have so much to say to each other.

Yes.

What's wrong?

Why, to be with you again, like this, after all this time, to look upon your face, to see into your eyes?

I'm told you have something to say to me.

I.

Is there something you'd like to say to me at all?

I.

Um.

Anything at all?

I.

I.

No.

Sorry?

No, I...

haven't.

I really thought I did, but

I actually haven't.

Any more.

Uh my, my, Clarissa.

Because, Charlie, I...

feel like I've been wasting my time.

And if I told you why,

I'd be wasting even more of my time.

And really, I am tired of wasting my own time.

What page are we on?

So I suppose, the thing I have to say to you is that, ultimately,

I have nothing to say to you on this subject.

I

see.

And furthermore,

well, furthermore.

Yes?

Blancange.

What was that?

Blancange.

I.

I.

I said Blancange!

Blancange!

Come on, in the name of sanity, Blange!

What?

A few minutes later, the cast stood outside the theatre, bidding their now rather soggy audience an abrupt good night.

I found Antigone, wet through, somewhat numb, and yet assured, as if she'd left something behind her, and she wasn't going back.

Does someone have a tissue?

There's water on my nose.

Here you go.

Thank you, Gaja.

Um,

I'm

sorry about

I would say we're about equal now for embarrassing public performances.

We've still got the funeral to look forward to tomorrow.

Yes, I suppose we have.

It's what we do, after all.

You're right.

Yes, I think I am.

I think

I

am.

Oi!

Have you given any fun?

I want to speak to you.

Mr.

Marlowe, yes, I'm sure a refund will be provided.

Refund?

Get out of it.

That was sensational.

The best show we've ever had.

Are you drunk?

I will be.

Three hours I heard this was, but you didn't mess about.

Straight to the point, big finish, then out again before the pub shuts.

Magic.

That said, I'd have liked an interval, but that ending, wow!

Yes.

No idea what it meant, mind you, but that shows you how clever it was.

Five stars I'm giving that out of five.

Well, thank you, Mr.

Marlowe.

Hoy, Sydney.

But Junior, darling, love the play.

Which one were you again?

What did I say?

I said I liked it.

Oi, sweetheart, darling.

Not now.

Not in this hi, come back.

Well, I suppose we've learned you can't please all the people all the time, but you can please one of the people for three minutes of amateur theatre.

That could be valuable.

Oh.

Antigone.

Oh.

Hello, Chapman.

Um

good performance.

Thank you.

Uh

you too.

Uh at the risk of always being the messenger, there's somebody over there who'd like a word with you.

Oh, I see.

Thank you, Chapman.

Following Eric's nod, Antigone walked over to a small tree where a certain someone was waiting for her.

You said you'd see me after the show.

And here I am.

I am sorry about the sprinklers.

Oh, that was you.

What you are saying out there.

Oh,

you are never going to top that for an ending.

So, I smashed the alarm.

No need to apologize.

You know, I don't quite know what happened.

On stage, I mean.

Really?

Well, maybe some things are better left unsaid.

Do you believe that?

No.

But I do think that timing is everything.

I'm...

sorry, Marlena.

I must be going a circus to run.

But perhaps we'll work again one day.

Somebody on the shade should get a proper go.

Hmm.

I think that one should remain unsaid.

For our sake.

Till next time, creepy girl.

Yes!

And with a burst of smoke,

she was gone.

Uh,

hey.

Georgie.

I'm sorry I missed my cue.

Well, I can understand why.

I know.

I was just.

Look.

The guys are going out for drinks at Chapman's.

You, uh, want to come?

Oh,

why not?

Thank you, Georgie.

I decided to leave them all to it this time.

I was sure that it would be a pleasant evening for everyone concerned.

But, just in case it wasn't,

well,

I'd had enough drama for one night.

Antigone in the Spotlight was written by David K.

Barnes and was performed by Felix Trench as Ruddiard, Beth Eyre as Antigone, Tom Crowley as Eric, Kira Baxendale as Georgie, Andy Seacombe as Reverend Wavering, Emily Stride as Marlena Magdalena, Paul Putner as Sid Marlow, Sarah Tom as Petunia Blue, Julia Deakin as Nana Crusoe, and Belinda Lang as Madeline.

With additional voices by Holly Campbell and Pip Gladwin, original music composed by James Whittle.

Special thanks to Kickstarter backer Thomas Jansis.

The program was recorded at Artspace Studios and was produced and directed by Andy Goddard and John Wakefield.

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

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