Funn Fragments: Practical Magic

Transcript

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and I coming to the Grinch of Subaridas Susplan Definia,

as well as their festivals, and the idea of more retorcidas, salpices papitas verde, constazoon of Pepinillo, and within

my return.

Así que siquires provaro que grinch preparo, ve McDonald's, and veras lo que tremor, en new grinch meal, ya en McDonald's. In McDonald's participants,

para, pa, pa, pa.

Fun fragments of wooden overcoats.

Georgie is entirely spellbound in Practical Magic by Gabrielle Abina.

Let's try this one more time, Timmy. And I need you to concentrate.

Okay,

pick one of these.

Okay.

Good.

Look at your card, and now we'll put it away.

Now, Timmy, clear your mind and really

think.

No.

No, I'm still not getting anything.

Okay, this isn't going to work if you don't try.

Georgie? Georgie, is that you? No, it isn't. Hey, Georgie.

Um, why are you sh.

What's going on? I said, shh.

Who are you talking to? Timmy. What? You're talking to a Spaniel? No, Eric.
I'm just trying to read his mind. What? Oh.

Why are you trying to? Eric, would you shut up?

No, no, no, Timmy. I need your mind.

Nice one, Eric. Sorry.
If I lose him, Nana will be furious. Look, I know it's none of my business.
It's for the Valentino funeral. Oh, Darius Valentino, the magician.

Yep, he got son in half by his own rabbit. Now we're doing the funeral, and his family want us to perform his favourite trick at the service, which was, apparently, mind-reading.
Oh.

Except, he didn't leave behind any idea how the trick was actually done. It was my job to find out how he did it.
Limey, that's a task. Yep.

I thought I'd start with animals. Work my way up to reading people this afternoon.
I thought you'd be great at magic. So did I.

But I've no idea what that dog's been thinking. Look, let me help you out.
It's much simpler than you think. Yeah, yeah, cheers, Eric.
But I think I'll just.

Wait a minute.

You can do magic. Yes, I can.

So you really do have evil powers, just like Rod said. Oh, I assure you, it's all perfectly benign.
I learned it all

through a correspondence course I took once. Oh.
A long time ago. There we go.
Have you ever heard the story of the greatest magic trick that anyone's ever done? No, and I hope it's won't be boring.

It won't be. I'll be the judge of that sunshine.

Imagine this. London, 1928.
It's a very specific date. It's a story, I'm telling you a story.
Okay. I'll just have to set the scene first and then we can do it.
1928. Cool.
Got it. You're at London?

Yep. Right.
London, 1928. Right? Mm-hmm.
Okay. Tucked between a dentist and a delicatessen is a quiet little tailor's shop run by a brother and a sister.

The sister would sit in the back every day gnashing her teeth as she looked over the shop's accounts.

Why do I always have to deal with this mess? Because no matter what they tried, the shop was always mysteriously, inexplicably, in dire financial trouble. What was her name? Sorry? The sister.

What was she called? Oh, sure. She's called Antonia.
She's called Antonia. Pay the four, deduct the interest payment, and.

No, no, no, no, no, that can't be right. Where does it go?

Meanwhile, her brother was out front running the shop. Come in, come in! Welcome! We get the buddy in the suit on Vogue on Thai.
What's his name?

Rudolph Rudolph. And he was the perfect salesman in every way, except he was just a little hard of hearing.
Come in! Come in! Welcome!

Jesus! So there they are. Her in the back trying to save the shop from utter financial disaster, and him up front minding the customers.
And one day, you walk into the shop. Good morning.

How may we help you today? Georgie, that's your cue. Get involved.

Fine. Hello, I'm looking for a new suit.
Socks? Of course we have socks. Right this way, sir.
No, no, I said suits. Yes, yes, nothing but the finest socks here.

A suit, I'm looking for a suit. A suit? Well, why didn't you say so in the first place? Right this way, sir.
You really should speak up.

And so you slowly explain what you're looking for and try on possibilities until just when your throat's going hoarse. That one.
I'll take it. An excellent choice, sir.
That'll be.

Oh,

that's odd. What is? This jacket doesn't seem to have a price on it.
Excuse me a moment.

Antonia, could you come onto the shop floor, please? Antonia, could you come onto shop floor, please? Antonio, could you come onto the shop?

How much for this dinner jacket? For heaven's sake, it's sixty pounds. Sorry, what was that?

Sixty

pounds. Could you stop mumbling? Sixty pounds! It's sixty pounds, you stupid-finally, like blood from a stone.
That's it. You can slink off back to your lair now.
I'll eliminate you on those games.

Do excuse my sister. She's just a bit inexcusable.
Now, where were we? Ah, yes, the dinner jacket. And that's when it happens.
That'll be 16 pounds. I'm sorry, what? 16 pounds for the dinner jacket.

All of a sudden, it's your lucky day. That's practically a 75% discount.
Almost makes up for how long it took to find the jacket. Oh, look here, if you don't want it, I can just put it in the back.

No, no, no, where?

Uh, 16 pounds.

£18.

There you go.

Thank you for your patronage, sir, and we hope to see you again soon.

And

there you have it. There I have what? The whole thing.
The greatest magic trick ever pulled.

What the hell are you even talking about? Oh, well. That was just a weird story with some funny voices.
I thought they might bring it to life. There wasn't even a single bloody magic trick.

No, no, no, there wasn't until you know the secrets. What secrets? Give me a reason not to kick you in the knees.
Secret number one, the shop's actually in great shape financially.

Secret number two, Antonia's not really upset. Number three, Rudolph's got perfect hearing.
And finally, secret number four, that dinner jacket they sold you, it's worth maybe eight pounds at most.

Double the takings for them. Voila.

Magic. It's not magic, it's just a con.
What's the difference? Well, it's like business. There's all these things you can't control, so you stay focused on what you can control.

And how people are looking at what you're doing. So, back to your mind-reading trick, you can't control what card people pick, and you can't actually read their mind.
What does that leave you?

Oh,

yeah, wait a minute. Georgie!

Georgie! I hope you can do magic by now. Chapman! Hello, Richard! What are you doing in our alley, Chapman? I mean, it's a public alley.
We're more public than you. What?

He's just passing through, and I think I figured out the mind-reading trick. You have? Here, give me that sheet of paper.

Yo, Vandal, that was my last one. It'll be worth it.
And we need a hat, like a box, or a. Dog bowl?

Now, while that's drying, why don't you give me a category, like

cities or football players? Internal organs.

Sure.

Why not?

Suggestions? Well,

heart.

Heart. Bold it up.
Throw it in the bowl. Few more.
Come on.

Brain. Lungs.

Liver. Brain, lungs, liver.

One more. Spleen.

Spleen.

Brilliant. Now, we mix these up in the bowl so we can't tell which one's which.

Now, Rudyard, pick one. This is safe, isn't it? Yes.
Pick one.

Now, take a look at it, but don't let me see it.

Okay, I've taken a look. Now what? Just think about whichever organ you got out of the pile.
Picture it in your head as clearly as you can.

I've done it. Now what? Quiet.

I think something's coming through.

Something small

but very powerful.

And

there's a sound:

thump, thump,

thump, thump.

It was a heart, wasn't it? Right.

Well,

well, that was just uncanny. Magic.
You must have done a deal with the devil. Something like that.

Right, there's no time to lose. We've got a funeral to plan.
Come on, Georgie. Thanks, Eric.
Don't mention it. I don't suppose you'd like to maybe uh.

Ah.

Well, let's take a look in the bowl.

Heart.

Heart again. Mm-hmm.

Heart.

Tot work, Georgie.

God, I'm lonely.

Practical Magic was written by Gabrielle Arbina and was performed by Felix Trench as Rudyard, Beth Eyre as Antigone, Tom Crowley as Eric and Kira Baxendale as Georgie, with additional voices by Holly Campbell.

The script was edited by David K. Barnes and the music composed by James Whittle.

The programme was recorded at the Coach House Studio and was directed and produced by Andy Goddard and John Wakefield.

The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

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