Scotland w/ Steph Tolev | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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So, I heard you have gay pride.

I heard you've co-opted the whatever.

Budweiser's back, everybody.

They're on board.

Are they?

Yeah, with gay rights.

But they're deciding they're just going to see which way it goes.

Oh, what's that?

No gay rights.

Have you ever tried to suck a dick?

I tried to fuck a trainy once, but I couldn't do it.

Did you?

Did it have a

I couldn't get into the

no, no, ladyboy.

Oh, okay.

It would have been still boy.

Okay.

Have you ever tried to eat a cooch?

Yeah, I have.

You did it?

Yeah, not well.

It's hard.

There's a lot going on down there.

I don't know how the hell you guys do it.

Yeah, there's multiple.

Yeah.

It's bizarre.

What do you think is easier?

Sucking thing is the easiest thing on the planet.

Are you kidding me?

Of course it is.

It's a sheath.

You're putting a sheath in your mouth and sucking it.

I'll tell you from a receiver end, there's different levels of who's good at it, but the bad ones are still pretty good.

Yes, I will say bad, bad pussy eating is bad.

It's bad, right?

The level of bad ones.

Stop.

You're actually annoying.

No, it is annoying.

And then we hear them breathing down there.

Like that, that is bad.

How about growling?

Do you like growling?

I'd rather growl.

Yeah.

Ew, you definitely do that.

Yeah.

Ew.

I try to give them a sense of, you know, I'm overcome by this.

Oh, God.

Where you been and where are you going?

This is Aries Travel Show.

Yeah, we're going to talk about travel today.

It's you be trippin', yeah.

Hi, everybody.

Welcome to UB Trippin'.

It's a travel podcast.

This is my announcer voice.

We go to different places every week.

That's pretty much the podcast.

It's mostly comics and then some non-comics.

Steph Tolev is on today.

She's a wonderful stand-up comedian.

She's

allowed to be in almost every green room in America.

Almost.

There's There's one big one.

I'm not allowed in.

You're allowed in.

That's crazy.

That was an oversight.

Oh, that's funny.

Where are we going?

We're going to Scotland.

Nice.

I love it.

Have you been?

I lost my virginity there.

Did you?

Nope.

Well,

I had fucked there.

I have fucked there a lot.

Really?

Did you do that at a Brofring's Fest?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You must have got your fucking schnaws sucked right off over there.

Dry.

It's the only dry thing in Scotland was my dick after that.

Everything else was wet and pruny, but but your dick was just dry as hell and just scathed up, flaking.

How many years did you do it?

Did it three times?

I would have got another, but pandemic, and then a scheduled special before instead of after.

So then it was like, yeah, but I'll go back.

You seem like someone who likes Scotland.

Bucket hat, perfect for Scotland weather.

Yeah, exactly.

You saw the rain right off the head.

Why'd you go?

And when?

I, okay.

I used to competitively Highland dance, Scottish Highland dancing from the ages three to eighteen.

I thought your mom went to the to the Highlands.

I didn't hear the message.

My mother has been teaching Highland dancing since she was 19 years old.

She dropped out of high school.

She's Scottish?

No.

No, she's not.

My grandmother, she's Canadian.

I don't know.

Albo?

What's Albo?

What's HUD?

Is that derogatory for Albanian?

No, no, no.

What are you?

I'm Bulgarian.

I was like, what is this?

A bulgo read?

Let's get some new racism.

Bulgies, I think.

Bulgies.

Bulgies.

Bulgos.

You got a bulge in your pocket.

That means like the Bulgarians moving in the neighborhood trying to move out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got a bulge in your pocket.

And they can say that about most of the women because we all look manly.

So they could say that.

A couple of bulgies over here.

My grandmother saw somebody Highland dancing at a party when she was a kid and got in her head.

And then she got my mother into it.

And then my mom liked it so much she started teaching it.

So my mother, so I'm like from a dance mom life,

which if you know anything about is hell on earth.

Oh.

Hell on fucking earth.

I had no life.

I had practice every single night.

I'd come home from school.

Just for Highland or also?

Highland dancing.

Just Highland dancing.

I mean, you're no, at some point, we're going to have to go watch Highland Dancing.

We have to watch Highland Dancing.

So if you're listening right now, pitch your kilts, picture the band.

Where you go like this with a log and you chuck it up?

Yes,

that's part of the Highland games, which I should have fucking done that.

You know how good I would have been at throwing that log over?

You throw it over one time.

Yeah.

My parents fucked it up.

There we go, it's highlight dancing.

What?

So, let me tell you right now, those kilts are heavy as shit.

Really?

Those wool socks.

Oh my god, this outfit alone is weighting like eight pounds.

What the match is we got and and sock is, yeah.

So, you wear the jackets you would wear if you should have worn this for my storytelling show.

You should have worn that.

Why didn't you?

I don't know, I didn't know about it.

Yeah, so you dance over, you dance over swords.

That's that's a main dance over the swords, yeah.

So, there's a sword, you put a sword on the ground, it's not sharp, and you dance over it and if you touch the sword if your foot even whispers it you get disqualified killed oh you get yeah you get off stage they slit your throat you get disqualified if you touch the sword yeah so they're usually in every uh competition there's four dances fling sword chantreuse and reel slow down what so there's like there's different sling chartreuse sling highland fling sword dance Chantreuse and the Highland reel.

So those are like the main four dances you would do every single weekend.

You're in your age age group.

Is this just chicks?

No, there's some guys.

There's a guy right there.

There's a guy in the photo right above there.

Homosexual.

I will say majority are.

Yeah.

But there was a couple in there and they were getting their butts fingered because I'll tell you what, the girls, there's only there's only a few men.

I had a crush on a guy.

Morgan, I called him, what's his last name?

Morgan McKenzie.

Blonde tips.

Morgan, if you're listening.

You're getting now.

But I'm kidding.

You missed it.

I was so ugly.

I had a unbrow.

I had a unibrow in this nose.

I was hideous.

And I was not built like a dancer.

Like all these dancers, look at them.

They're all small framed, little feet.

I have, look at this, nine and a half fuckers.

Big shoulders.

It's a good fighting technique as well.

It is, yeah.

I think it was all based off like, you know, actual highlight.

I don't know what that.

I don't know.

It's like when you're in the middle of the fingers.

No, it's this.

It's like the fingers.

It's the middle finger and the thumb.

Oh.

Oh, yeah, you're good.

Yeah.

Up and then high.

Yes.

You're going to have to do this.

One hand.

Oh, God.

One hand on the fist like this.

Okay.

Okay.

And you go every year to compete?

So, yes.

So every year in Scotland, they have the biggest Highland Dancing Championships in the world called the Cowwell Highland Games.

Okay.

So there's like, that's where they have like.

The Highlands.

Yes.

So that's where they have the Caber Toss and they have like other, they have pipe band competitions.

I also played the bagpipes for a year.

I was really bad, though.

I like.

My mom wanted me to, because at the competitions, a live piper plays.

So my mom was cheap as fuck.

They ran competitions.

So she wanted me to play the bagpipes.

And then I thought my teacher was a pervert because you just play on the chanter, and he would just stare at my tits.

I was like, 14.

I was like, he's looking at my boobs, this pig.

So I'd wear like three sweaters.

I'd be soaked trying to play.

I was so bad.

Did I ever mistake one of those like long read things that you have to play for bagpipes for your nose?

Very similar.

Yeah, that's what I played.

So rarely do I get to make a nose dirty.

I know.

I was like, what?

What's going from fucking nose?

I get it now, everybody else.

I get it now.

This is the only podcast I felt safe on.

And I immediately go on and I'm getting a notion you piece of

um

so yeah i started you you start young i started when i was three years old wow three

years

old i was highland dancing and you went to the highlands every year was yes so every year we'd go to scotland outside a castle like that

no it was in cowell uh okay highlands rule

Like the cult, the landscape and shit.

The landscape's cool.

Yes.

I was like, the dancing is, it's fine.

It's whatever.

How'd you do in the dance?

Not good.

Look at my body.

What are you talking about?

I was not built to be doing this.

Yeah, these are very, very

small, light, nimble girls, little feet.

And then me schlomping around.

Actually, that might be, wait, click on that left photo with the cow gathering.

That one.

Yeah.

That's my mom's student to the left.

She won, but she fucking, she left my mom right when she got there.

It's fucking drama.

That girl's mom is a fucking bitch.

She right there.

My mom taught her for fucking 15 years.

They got to this huge competition.

She fucking left my mom literally to that's her on the left.

On the left.

I'm not going to say your name, bitch, but your mom is a piece of shit.

Literally, my mom trained her from the time she was a kid.

And then my mom flies to Scotland for her to win this fucking competition, and she fucking fires her the day my mom gets there.

You know how crazy that is?

And the crazy thing is that go right there.

And you want to know the craziest thing?

My mom.

has the best Thailand dancer in the world.

She's won consecutively 15 years this competition straight.

Every age group.

Why?

Which nobody else has done.

She's still one, though.

She still won.

But she was there.

Because my mom drew my dad.

Right, right, right.

It wasn't like someone else got her.

Yeah, no, she got there, and some fat pig who's balding took over training her.

And I was like, well, she didn't do anything.

An agent?

Look at that Unibrown in the middle.

That lady.

But look how thin they are.

They're thin.

Look how pointed their toes are.

Yeah.

The one in the middle looks tough.

Yeah, she looks like she doesn't take any guff.

I think that girl's Scottish.

You can tell the Scots look very.

Which one?

The one in the middle?

Yeah.

Yeah, they look harsh, Viking-like, and pale.

Oh, very pale.

Such a pale group of women.

Well, there's no sun out there.

The fact that the sun was out right there, I saw my first dick and balls at

one of these Highland games.

Yeah, a man in a kilt above my head.

Shaking it around.

There's no, they don't wear anywhere.

That's real.

Shaking it around.

Like, I looked up, me and my friend, my friend was underneath, and she goes, she goes, look.

And I'm like, what?

And I looked up and he was like, oh, he was like really giving it to us.

Oh, yeah.

He gave it to us.

I was like eight.

It was crazy.

That's too young.

It was way too young to see Balls 9.

Never do that, but not at an eight-year-old.

And maybe a teenage.

13, at least 14.

That's what I'm doing.

Are you going to act for FID, Crystalia?

Hey, before I swing my dick and balls around here, can I obviously see your idea?

You don't seem old enough to do this.

But also, again, nobody.

But if it has to be someone, not an eight-year-old.

Double digits, bro.

Yeah, double digits.

It was, and he was laughing his head off.

He thought it was so funny.

We were like, this is demented behavior.

Kind of out of line.

So this competition is crazy.

So all these dancers go, and the day before, you have to do something to compete to get into the big world championships.

So I never even did the world championships because I was not good.

So you have to come top six.

I didn't qualify.

You have to come top sixth at least in one dance.

Yeah.

Nothing.

I'm dog shit.

You go all the way to Scotland, don't qualify.

My mom met this other dancer who was really good.

Oh, so she's like, hey, if I'm going to fly you out here, you're going to bagpipe this shit.

And then I didn't even do that.

I ended up finding a dog one year.

I rescued this dog and they couldn't find me.

And they looked in the middle of the field and I was carrying this disgusting wet dog and it stung so bad.

My mom got so pissed.

I would just, I wouldn't like white people.

Oh yeah, I was very, I was a very white person thing.

Guys, quick break to tell you about today's guest, Steph Tolev.

She is a fucking hilarious stand-up comedian, legitimately.

I remember when she came to New York from London, Ontario, or maybe Toronto, probably Toronto.

But it was like, who's this?

She was just great from the start.

She was.

So, okay, so there's some comics.

By the way, she has a new special out right now called Filth Queen on Netflix.

Everybody go watch it.

Here's what, let me give you a little insight into the comedy world.

Comedians, sometimes, you know how they say in MMA, matchups make fights or something like that?

I don't know what they say.

That happens with comedy, too.

And there's certain comics that are hard to follow.

And comics don't like to struggle.

We just don't.

We're always trying to kill, even when we're doing the material.

And there's a few comics that you do struggle with.

So comics invent a reason why they had trouble.

Like, oh, they're just famous.

So they all like that that person and not me.

When actuality, plenty of people follow famous people quite well.

I saw Steve Simone get a standing ovation after

Louis C.K.

It's like 2015, 2016, at his height.

And Steve Simone went on after him as a nobody and got a standing oh.

And that, so don't tell me it's because someone's famous.

But they do that to comics.

And then you have to tell them, like, no, no, no, they were crushing well before they were famous.

Faheem Anwar,

Shane Gillis.

People go, oh, Shane's famous.

Dude, Shane was crushing on a level you couldn't comprehend before he was known at all.

So don't give me that bullshit.

And Steph Tolev is that too.

She destroys.

And hopefully, soon, and thankfully soon,

we get an excuse now.

It's going to be, oh, of course I couldn't follow Steph Tolev.

Before, nobody really knew her.

Oh, it's just on me.

But now, now that she has a Netflix special, Filth Queen, streaming today.

Now we have an excuse.

Thank you, Netflix, for making mid-level comedians like me able to sleep with ourselves for not being able to follow Steph.

Before this, it was really damaging.

Oh, do you want to go before me?

Oh, no, Steph's on.

I don't know who's on.

Steph?

Oh, is this Steph?

Yeah, you want to go on before me?

I can go on after.

Those days will be gone thanks to Netflix and their partnership with Steph Tolev.

She's great.

She's hilarious.

Also, I just saw Steph.

I just saw you on fucking tires.

You were a fucking killer.

She's also going to be in the road.

You can get tickets at steph tolev.com or

this place.

Punchup.live/slash Steph Tolev.

Starting Starting in August.

Bakersfield, Brea, San Francisco, Philadelphia.

Punchline.

The worst of the two rooms.

Detroit, Minneapolis, Sacramento,

Austin,

Baltimore.

Nice.

Port Comedy Club.

I never heard of that.

Winnipeg.

Oh, rumors.

I love that place.

Calgary.

Oh, yeah, you're Canadian.

Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte, Chicago, Rosemont, Chicago again.

And Toronto at Danforth Music Hall on December 19th.

and Montreal.

But her homecoming on December 19th will be big.

Get tickets right now for Steph Dola before you cannot see her at these clubs anymore.

She's going to be a theater act in no time with massive ticket master surcharges that you'll complain about and Steph will complain about and no one will do anything against because Pearl Gen went against them and couldn't do shit.

So how can we?

Guys, if you're liking today's episode, please subscribe and hit that bell thing too if you've already subscribed so you get notified of new episodes.

This one is hilarious and great.

Really reminded me of fucking Edmonton, I mean, Edinburgh, and then the north, the one trip I took in the north.

This is all wrap-up stuff.

But subscribe wherever you're listening.

There is also a new playlist that goes along by country.

So look for that on YouTube.

So if you're looking to go to a country, see if we've covered it.

Maybe it'll help you in your vacation, your travel plans yourself.

I am going to be at

the last show.

The last show I have.

Charlestown, West Virginia, on July 12th.

Get tickets at rhythm.com.

One show only.

And then I'm off the road until 2027.

Must be nice.

New stickers are available right down below if you're watching on YouTube.

You'll be tripping stickers.

Also, you'll be tripping t-shirts.

The pre-sales at least hopefully are there by now.

I'm off in Anchorage, Alaska, so I did.

record this ahead of time.

But let's get back to the episode.

Congratulations, Steph Tolov, on a fucking finally getting the recognition you deserve.

It does make me happy as a comedian when worthy and deserving comedians get ahead.

And this is one.

It's a win for all commerce.

Go check out Filth Queen right now on Netflix.

Just start it if you don't have time.

Just start it, and then you can stop it or just let it run while you go to work.

And then it'll remind you.

Either say watch again or

get back to.

Tip from me to you.

Let's get back to the episode.

Also, wait, before we get back to the episode, I want to tell you really quickly, Shroom Fest is coming, everybody.

It's this year.

It's September

6th, 7th, and 8th.

If you don't know what Shroom Fest is, it's an international holiday on another plane of existence to celebrate what God gave us, mushrooms.

All you got to do to participate is wherever you are, take mushrooms.

September 6th, 7th, and 8th this year.

It moves around at the longest day of weekend.

Moonlight in the summertime months in the northern hemisphere.

And this year, it's September 6th, 7th, and 8th.

It's a Saturday, Sunday, Monday.

Always make sure to celebrate.

Start looking for your supplies now.

Shroom Fest, everybody.

Come celebrate with me.

I don't know where I'll be.

I don't know where you'll be, but let's meet up on another fucking plane of existence.

Shroom Fest, September 6th, 7th, and 8th.

Be there.

Honestly, just participate.

I'm sure you've done it in the past.

Be there.

It's Shroom Fest.

I didn't invent it.

The mushrooms told me to invent it and give it to you guys.

So they invented it.

And I'm just telling you.

Shroomfest.

See you out there.

My biggest story that I would do when my mom got so mad.

So it was the qualifications for the worlds.

And

Your video of you dancing?

I might have something.

I might have something.

It's deep on the phone, but I could find it.

Yeah, find it.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

This dance, the sword was the only dance that I usually would place in because I didn't touch it because I didn't care.

And I would just, like, everyone else would be so nervous and I didn't give a fuck.

So I'd just dance over it.

So they called my group up and I just ordered this baked potato.

And it was like.

Have you ever had a jack of potato in Scotland?

What?

Jack of potato.

So it's like coleslaw, beans, butter, chives.

And I was like, I just ordered, and I sat down.

I was like, my fucking potato's here.

I started eating it.

And they called my group up.

And I'm like, well, I don't want to go.

My mom was like, get out there, do the fucking dance.

And I was like, I'm going to hit the sword.

She's like, no, you're not.

I'll go watch this.

So I walk up, the whole group's lining out, warming up.

And I'm like, my potato's ready.

So I'm going to hit the sword so I can go up and get it.

They're like, no, you don't want to go watch that.

And no one believed me because it's a big deal for everybody.

So the first step, I did the best first step I've ever seen.

I get in the second step.

I hit the sword.

I go,

you do a big bow.

I fix the sword.

I'm like, sorry.

Ran right up, ate my potato.

My mom was so fucking pissed off at me.

It was the one you're good at.

I know, but I was like, my potato is getting cold.

And I was very upset.

And I, I see, I see both sides.

I was like, fuck this.

So, okay.

So, kill.

Potato was getting cold.

It was getting cold.

It's not as good as a fresh potato.

You need a freshly, and you open it up and that steam that puffs out.

Oh, mom, just move me back in the order.

Or don't let me order a potato right before I'm about to go out.

Don't make me dance.

I'm not good.

Why are you eating potato right before you dance?

That's not the right pre-dance meal.

Like, picture if you were, okay, picture if you're

picture Jerry Seinfeld.

Yeah.

Does stand up.

Picture some of the worst stand-ups you've seen your entire life.

Okay.

Very easy.

That's, that, that's my mother.

That was what I was for her teaching.

Wow.

So she had the best student in the world, and I get up there with my large fucking shoulders and schlop around.

It wasn't great.

This nose, too.

Nobody had this nose in Island dancing.

What the hell is this?

I looked absurd.

That's cool.

And one year, oh my God, this is so embarrassing.

I think I scraped these pictures on the internet.

But one year I I got those braids done, you know, those like black girl braids.

Oh, yeah.

And I had to put it, you had to put it in a bun.

Do you know how psychotic I looked?

I had this fucking bun that was my whole head.

And there's one dance called the whole, if you look up the Sailor's Hornpipe,

you have to wear a hat.

This could easily be made up.

Go on, Sailor's Hornpipe.

There it is, Sailor's Hornpipe.

It came up.

It was, there it is.

You have to wear this hat.

So my hat couldn't even get around my head because my fucking braids were so big.

It was like hovering.

The elastic was like holding on for dear life, but my hat was like hovering over my head.

And you gotta, oh man, so you're you're jumping.

So, the thing is with Highland Wood, and anybody ever compliments my legs?

These are Highland dancing legs.

I've been jumping up and down.

Look at that.

Look at that line.

That's that's the Highland line.

That's fucking rock.

Straight out.

One leg straight out.

One leg.

I've been jumping up and down my entire life.

This is all I do.

And you hop on one leg, and you're fucking sweating your balls off up there.

It's hot as hell.

Yeah, it's hot.

You're hot.

You're kicking the bugs.

Bugs are annoying some places because you're in the woods.

You're outside.

You're in the fucking highlands.

Those binges, benjies, chiggers, what are they called?

You just want to say a racist word.

You're just

got a bit here to say something.

Bidgers.

They weren't as bad as you'd think.

Supposedly there's like some sheep and dogs mucking around, so they'd go to them.

There's some egg sect out there that fucking burrows into your skin.

Ew.

Bites the shit out of you and like keeps clawing at you.

What the hell is that?

Like

something that they're talking about.

They're called chiggers.

What is it?

Chiggers.

Chiggers.

I think you're moving around too much, so they're not burrowing.

But this is like, so I will say, this is huge all across the world,

like mostly North America.

So, in Canada, every weekend I had a dance competition.

Scottish dancing.

Scott, I guarantee you right now,

it's June 3rd.

I guarantee you there's a Highland dancing competition this weekend in or around the Austin area.

Guarantee.

It's like a weird, small, it's like, it's small, but

it's a big community of people.

A lot of people do it.

And also, my mom's like pretty famous in the Highland Highland world.

As a teacher.

As a teacher.

Everybody knows her.

Does she like, does she rule with like an iron fist?

Yeah, she's, and she's very sassy.

And she's like, she's like me, but like,

same mullet.

She actually does it the same hair as me, but it's straight.

So anyway, so we used to go and do these competitions.

Yeah.

So we traveled a lot.

I.

I mean, that part's cool.

That part's cool.

I can't shit publicly.

So all this bouncing around.

What do you mean?

When I was a kid, I would be bunked up for weeks, weeks on end.

Like I'm hawking at one point, we were at a Highland dance competition in Nova Scotia, and all of a sudden I collapsed.

The Nufi?

Nufi.

I fell over.

I'm like, I don't know.

Something's going on.

Wait, wait.

What do you mean?

When you say you can't shit publicly.

I meant on these dancing trips, a piece of shit will not leave my asshole.

In the hotel room?

Couldn't do it in the hotel room.

What do you mean?

That's not public?

I couldn't do it.

I was saying my grandma's there.

She's always yapping.

My dad's yelling.

We'll share the hotel room.

It was hell.

How did you normally poop?

I quiet.

Sometimes in the dark, turn the lights off.

It's be a little dark pooper, all night pooper.

Can we get Dr.

Drew back in here and talk this out?

I'm better now.

It's still not great, but I'm not.

I used to hold it.

Yeah, I'd hold it.

I was like, I don't want it.

And then it became such a ball that it would take so hard to get it out.

Yes.

Because it was so crushing.

This is exactly what this is what I would do.

And it would take me so you would think because we're eating healthy, we're jumping around.

Yeah.

So we would go on these trips.

So this, it started in Nova Scotia.

I fell over.

Week was the longest I went, 11 days.

So I fell over.

No, it was Newfoundland.

I fell over this.

Did you ever have to reach in and try to pull some out?

Almost.

It was close.

I used a spoon once.

Okay.

Why are you actually like, you need Dr.

Dr.

You need them?

I'm relating.

A spoon.

Yeah, I was like so crunched up and like hard that we pushed out.

It was like, it's it's fucking to try to like get some like out.

You did this yourself?

Yeah.

You can't really tell anybody.

Hey,

I held a poop so long that it's too big for the hole.

What was your long, late longest?

I think a week.

A week?

I think I poop about every week.

That's yeah.

And as a kid, your butthole is smaller and it's not as loose.

It hasn't been beaten up.

You haven't got

by a ladyboy like you almost did.

So it's not, it hasn't been pounded.

I was going to fuck.

I wasn't going to get fucked.

Oh, you were going to fuck.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

I don't know why I picture the other way around.

We really honestly, let's make notes for Dr.

Drew for later.

So

I was at this competition.

I fell over.

I'm like, something's wrong.

I thought my panic burst.

So they wheel me out.

So embarrassing.

I was like, oh my God, Joy's daughter.

Joy's daughter.

It's a big mistake.

She's like, oh my God, God, she's mean, she's going to be fucked.

She's in the hospital.

They take me to the hospital.

They rush me and my mom and dad are there.

The doctor comes in and he goes, okay.

So we did some x-rays.

When's the last time you took a bowel movement?

And I was like, what?

And he's like, when's the last time you pooped?

And I was like, I don't even remember.

And they're like, he's like, yeah.

Yeah.

My parents were so mad.

They're like, we have to go back now.

Everyone's going to eat fucking shit for a week.

Because they were like embarrassed that I got wheeled out in a wheelchair because I had to go cock up.

Like, that's so psychotic.

So I like, go back it was embarrassing so yeah very embarrassing so this is where my story comes in okay

so we would travel all through the highlands my mom would rent a car we would drive to see like the sterling castle all through the scottish mountains all these all these places we drive i can't remember there's one castle we went to but we there's a little um gift shop and i remember i had to shit so bad i was like fuck so i had to sit down so whenever i got this urge to that i had to shit i should just shit but instead i would sit the fuck down so we're in this public gift shop, and there's these little trinket things.

This is a glass case, and all these little tiny trinkets.

And I'm like, okay, I'm going to sit here and just play with these.

I was probably 11 years old.

So I sit down, cross-legged, and I'm like looking at this stuff.

And all of a sudden, I hear this fucking bang.

The loudest bang I've heard my entire fucking life.

I'm like, I feel this immense pressure.

And I'm like, what?

I thought, I thought a bomb had gone off in the store.

People are screaming.

People are crying.

There's, I open my eyes.

I'm like,

I can't breathe.

There's dust everywhere.

And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

I look up.

This woman is lying on my body.

Like a whole woman is on top of me.

And I'm like, I'm like, oh my God.

Oh, my God.

What the fuck?

So I like shimmy off.

I go to find my ball in my eyes.

I'm like, oh my God, this woman.

And they're like, what the fuck?

She had fallen through the ceiling.

She was doing like an inventory.

It was like a 12-foot ceiling.

She stepped on the wrong thing, fell, just missed this glass case and landed on my huge child body.

And I saved her fucking life.

I saved her fucking life.

Because you softened the blow?

I softened the blow.

And her head, I patted her head on my fucking body.

Like her head was like here in my chest.

So I got

for my Bulgarian sternum.

This woman would be dead.

If it's not for my can't go publicly shit, I saved.

So the ambulance came over.

They took her out and they were like, she's unscathed.

She doesn't have a bruise.

She's going to be fine.

They took her on testing anyways.

Her, me, not a bump, not a scratch, not a bruise.

They gave me this little good good luck charm, this little horseshoe.

Like, here you go, thank you for saving her life.

And I'm like, if she had hit that fucking glass cabinet, if she had been dead, right on you, bleeding all of you.

Bleeding all of me.

It would have been hell.

I would have been probably also severely hurt because I would have been, the glass would have stopped me too.

Yeah.

So guess what?

My moral of the story is.

No, I saved her.

So she just walked away.

She walked away.

They took her to the thing, but she was fine.

The ambulance came.

And everybody was like, what the fuck just happened?

I wish there were security cameras from that because that would have been the best video I've ever had.

Yeah, just you there, boom, just brushing a chest.

And because, because you know, I had no idea what was happening, my body went limp.

So, that's how I like saved her fall by me just being like,

and I didn't even shit.

I can't believe I didn't shit.

That didn't even get me to shit.

That's how tight my asshole was.

That a fucking Laura, and she was like,

She wasn't a small lady.

Like, this was not a tiny little Highland dancer that fell on me.

This was a Bulgarian woman that fell on top of my body.

Big gal.

It was so crazy.

And then the whole rest of the weekend, my mom kept like, should we check you?

Literally, they did like an exam with me.

There's like a hospital guy there or whatever, nurse, and look at me.

He's like, Rebs fine.

I'm like, no, I'm fine.

Nothing wrong with me.

Insane.

That's crazy.

Oh, because I don't know.

You should still be in touch with that lady.

I know.

What the heck?

I should have somehow contacted her and been like, what the heck?

I know somebody who got a kidney from somebody in his community.

And then now he's like every time he sees them he's like do i gotta say thank you every time like it's so weird like well i wouldn't want to know i wouldn't want to know no no you get if you get someone's insides yeah like please don't tell them yeah no i wouldn't want to know hey guys today's episode of you'd be tripping is brought to you by factor meals guys i use them and they're great it's so easy to make food late night for me listen you're coming home if you don't live in new york there's no place to eat legitimate everyone's go to austin oh it's a great food scene are you out of your mind do you know who you're talking to i live in new york City.

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shopify.com slash trippin' do you so okay that's so funny do you go back now ever no would you go to the fringe i did the fringe a couple of years in 2012.

It was a long time ago.

Oh, a long time ago.

It was a long time ago.

It was too much.

It was exhausting.

I did, me and my sketch partner did it.

It was just too much drinking.

I was doing stand-up and sketch, and I kept like trying to get us into every show.

And I signed us up for this double-decker school bus, thinking it was a funny, fun show.

We show up and they're like, okay, you ready for the kids show?

We're like, sorry.

They're like, oh, yeah, the five-year-olds are upstairs.

I'm like, five-year-olds?

At the time, me and my friend Allison, we were called Lady Sash, our closing bit was this this huge dildo, and we had these puppets, and we would jerk off the dildo.

And I was like, What?

We had to go into this.

We had, we had puppets, and we had to like, we sang camp songs to these kids.

What?

We couldn't do our jokes.

It was crazy.

That's Bob.

That's Bob Slayer.

He's my promoter.

He has the bus.

Bob fucked us.

I didn't know.

It's the Blunda bus.

It's Bob.

Yeah, it's Bob.

I had no fucking clue.

I did comedy for a fucking three to four years.

I used to be a tour manager for a

what's criminals?

What's fuck you like an animal?

I want to fuck you.

No, no, no.

Irish nails?

No, no, no.

I'm thinking

nothing about him.

Oh, nothing but man was.

Oh, Bloodhound Gang.

Yeah, I used to be a tour manager for them.

And then he has his Blenderbus that he got you and wouldn't sell, which makes sense because he was drunk all the time.

He ruled.

I would not have said yes to that.

Oh, yeah.

Three-year-olds?

What are you fucking talking about?

You're jerking off a fucking puppet in front of them.

Jesus Christ.

They loved us, though.

They really did.

I'm just saying.

Everyone else probably caters to their level.

Did you get to see the Highland Games too when you were there?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Because you're in the stands.

So you're just kind of watching it all.

So the dancing stage is here.

They have a track around.

People are doing like some running races.

Then there's like all these tents.

Then all the pipe bands come in.

With the backpipe bands.

Yeah.

So it's pipes, drums, like everything.

They come in and they compete.

So pipers compete individually and then the bands compete and people like go by and they watch them and it's a whole thing.

Wow.

That seems cool.

The dancing, I could care less about it.

The dancing and also the amount of fucking damage.

I got to see a picture of you dancing, too.

Jesus Christ.

What?

The amount of perverted dads.

That's when I started hating men when I was literally a young person.

Because, first of all, no one looked at me.

I wonder why.

You missed out on this.

Uh, my little nipples that I thought I had cancer with for three years.

My nipple is growing in.

Um, you're one of those fish that if you look straight, it's a tiny fish, and then it goes, yeah,

really.

How many more are these?

I actually can't believe you're doing this.

I get it.

It's a fucking, isn't it?

What?

It's so mean.

Um,

because you would change publicly.

Like, Highland dancers, if you're a pervert, I can't believe Dalia wasn't there.

Two Dalia jokes, one podcast.

I can't believe he wasn't there because it's the, you, the girls would get off stage, take off their jackets, and they just have a brawn.

So it's all these like preteens running around brawl.

And I remember just watching some dads like help their daughters.

And I just see them looking at the ones.

I'm like, this is disgusting behavior.

Me sick.

So gross.

It's so weird though if you're like, watch like, oops, oop, wrong set.

Yeah, it was like so, ugh.

My dad, so my mom still does Highland dancing stuff.

My dad now announces at the competitions in Toronto.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, the whole thing.

Wait, is there Scottish dancing here in Austin?

There has to be.

There's, well, there's Kaylee dance.

That's different.

Several Hunting Games, Kelly Festiv schedules.

Yeah, 2025.

Look at this.

Saying 20 Highland Games.

Yep.

It's already passed.

Okay.

Well, what's that one?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you mean you got to compete in one of these.

November, come back.

I was trying.

I was thinking of doing like writing a movie about this because it's so like a Will Fairy Time movie where I like come back and and like try to do it, it would kill me.

Well, you'd already hard to do, but you'd already have, you know, how they there's a video of like, hey, here's every actor trying to do sports, and it's like, uh, hey, man, and they all throw left-handed.

It's like, I don't know, dad's trying to force me into that throw because they've trained in like in like throwing for like a week.

You would look like you know what you're doing.

I do know what I'm doing.

I know every, I right now could technically do every single Highland dance.

There's probably 15, 20 dances.

I, I can't, oh god,

No!

I understand.

What?

Can I teach it to you then?

Yeah.

Well, then I'm teaching it to you.

Okay.

Because I'm not doing it by myself.

Okay.

I'll teach you the first step of the Highland Flame.

Okay.

Okay.

This is.

Okay.

There we go.

He had the chair there.

You just did this.

Like, you need the room here.

We need to.

This is really happening here, okay?

Let's see what we got.

Okay.

I'll teach you the easiest, the easiest part.

Okay,

our heads cut off.

It's so light

Go ahead.

You need your hands.

Oh, I'm learning.

Okay, so you're gonna stay your first position.

Heels together.

Heels together.

Heels together, first position.

Fists.

I think my voice carries.

Your voice carries, yeah.

Fists here on your hips.

Okay.

Okay, so you're gonna stand for five seconds.

One, two, three, four, four.

Bow two.

Wait, why are your legs so...

Why aren't they wide like mine?

Because I'm a dancer.

I don't know what's wrong with you.

There we go.

You got your calves must be together.

Stand for four.

One, two, three, four.

Bow, two, three, four.

Okay.

Ow on the bow.

That already hurt.

Yeah.

My great show.

Okay, so now it's going to get hurt.

Okay.

So the first move here is a hop hop point

to the right, but this arm has to comp 10 time.

Remember, I showed you the same thing.

Yes.

Okay.

You ready?

Hop point.

You ready?

Same foot.

hop back,

hop front, hop back.

Okay, yeah, now the other side, hop point.

So hop point, hop back, hop front, hop back.

One more time on the right, hop point,

point to the ground, hop back, hop front, hop back, and now back the left side, we're gonna do the turn.

Hop point, hop back, hop front, hop back.

It's crazy.

You're the best I've ever seen.

That is the first half of the first step of a six-step flink.

Picture how much fucking jumping that is.

Try it now together.

Okay, ready for the bow?

So, bow, two, three, four, up, two, three, four.

Hop point, hop back, up point, hop back, up point.

Other s five.

This leg left, back, front, back, right.

Oh no, fuck that.

See, well, we tried.

Oh, my God.

It's exhausting.

See, we're tired.

It's so much hopping.

I fucking know.

Too much hopping.

It's all hopping.

That's what I'm saying.

Should be in Blink 182.

Mark Hoppis over here.

There we go.

Good reference.

Do you need the globe back in?

Oh, my God.

That's crazy.

Yes.

Would you ever just win?

Would you ever just get winded and be like, nah, I'm out?

I will.

I was.

I was not built like it is, so I'd be tired all the time.

And my mom made me teach it.

So I told you that.

This is all taken away from your potato time.

See?

That's why now I needed the carbs.

Yeah, right, right.

I'm out of breath from that.

It's crazy.

Yeah, it's a little bit difficult.

And that is literally, picture that with the fucking kilt, the jacket, and the jackets are not, they're not loose.

It's a fucking velvet, and your arm can barely get up and then down.

That's it.

And that's just from the highlands.

That's not like lower Scotland dancing.

It's a different hype dancing.

It's all the inline, like, uh, I think it's all the same.

Really?

There's no other.

Oh, they have like Kaylee dancing and they they have scottish country dancing but that's so easy my grandma did that scottish country dancing is just like old women just doing like this like hop one yeah hop two and then there's a class by you do a thing and you pass the weeping willow or the weeping you know weeping willow yeah i've been trying to get a kaylee going kaylee's rule i i did i found one in toronto once i went it was the most fun i've ever had they have been in new york they have definitely scott they do have them in new york yeah where it's once in a while they'll call it and there's advanced and there's like low-level ones oh my god the advanced ones are like you'll it up by being there.

The mid-level and low-level ones is like, there's still some really good people, but they'll go, let me show you step-by-step.

Yes, they go video first.

Okay.

And they have a live band, right?

Yeah.

And you think when you say, like, I'm not going to be able to get this.

And then within three minutes, like, I could have joined in on this one.

Yes.

Strip the Willow is the best one where you're lined up on both sides and you twist your partner, then you twist, then you twist your partner.

You twirl.

It's fucked.

It's so fun.

And then you get so out of breath.

You're like, oh, you're like,

you got to go all the way around.

You missed your partner.

And some of you.

You come back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's so fun.

God, I love Kaylee's.

Yeah.

So Kaylee's, we would do like after the dance competitions.

Just for fun.

Yeah.

Like the bars would happen and stuff.

Yeah.

Wow.

I know.

Now the chair's a little whack.

Here we go.

It's fucking exhausting.

Yeah.

I was like, fucking these guys, were they like the buff?

Were they like the ones you're trying to bone?

No, no.

Also, I never fucked anybody on the dancing.

I know.

What the heck?

You're too young.

Well, I did say I was 18.

Were there,

yeah, I guess it's 17.

So, I mean, yeah, yeah, what the heck.

Were there like adult sections of this?

Yeah, the oldest group was, um, I mean, whatever.

I think it's like 18 plus.

Yeah.

And there's still some girls who are doing it that I did it with.

They're like 40.

I'm like, get a life.

What do you mean?

Competitively?

Still doing it.

40 years old.

Get a hobby.

Get a fucking career.

Yeah.

Like, I get it when people like teach it because you can, my mom teaches it.

She's an examiner.

She does workshops.

Yeah.

So there's like a whole thing to do.

But I don't know, just dancing.

You better have a side.

It's like those people do a community theater.

I'm like, dude, your acting didn't work out.

Stop.

Unless you're an old lady.

Any kind of theater like that really irks me.

Really?

I don't know.

My boyfriend did a play this

past winter.

Million dollar quartet Christmas, to be

specific.

And I just, I can't hang out with these theater people.

They suck.

They are so.

Listen, all actors suck.

Theater people are the worst of them.

There's so much singing aloud and skipping.

And they're silly all the time.

Skipping.

What are we doing here?

I went to a party, it's a director to this party, and it was like one of the worst nights of my life.

I had to watch every

single person with the cast went up and sang this ballad in the middle of the party.

We're like eating pizza and talking, and the director's like, everybody to the room at once.

Jefferson played the piano.

And then made my boyfriend play the piano.

And I'm like, why did I say I'd be DD tonight?

I was so

sober watching everyone sing like ballads.

crazy.

Why weren't you boozing?

Because I offered to be the DD.

And then the director's wife tried to get me to do a set.

Oh, no.

In the middle of the room, she goes, get up there.

Just do it for us.

For who?

Suck my ass.

I'm not doing this.

Can you imagine?

Standing there talking to my fucking lady in front of all these people.

Just like,

what the fuck in the hell you are?

I love when people are like, yeah, just go to a stand-up.

Like, hey, a lot of our stand-up is not built for this situation.

There's maybe someone who could could do well.

It ain't gonna be you.

No, no, no, no.

I'm not.

Yeah, you need somebody who's a nice, clean comic with a small nose.

Now I have to get on the nose jokes.

What the hell?

I've left out for fuck's sakes.

It's like a double bulge.

Wow.

You look in the fucking mirror as if this man is saying, I have double bulge.

Go sideways.

Go sideways.

Look the other way, the other way.

Yeah, this is my bad side.

This is my good side.

This one looks smaller from the side.

Which way?

That's right, I'll do it this way then.

I'm thinking of getting a nose job.

Really?

Because fucking this kind of shit.

You know, get a job.

No, I'm not getting it, huh?

Okay.

All right.

No, I'm not going to do it.

I'm not doing it.

Fuck the internet.

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What else would you do up there in the highlands?

Anything?

Or just?

No, we just

competitions.

We go competitions.

We do some sightseeing and then we go to like when you were into Paris and then we.

Did you ever go to

The Lake?

The Lake.

The Lock Ness.

Lock.

No.

Ness.

No, I think we like maybe drove around there.

Did you?

Yeah, I drove up once.

After the French.

I was so like, I got my first fringe, I think.

And I was like, I'm just renting a car and going north.

Yeah.

How's crazy driving out there?

It's just the other side.

You're all fucked up.

Yeah.

And then it's like one-lane things, they drive 75 miles an hour on these one-line things, and there's these pull-outs every once in a while.

And so, if somebody comes, you go like, I'll pull out, or you back up some.

I remember pull up, but they're going so fast.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, it is Mr.

Bean, like the way that, like, that blue car would fly around behind them.

That's what it is.

It's crazy, yeah, but it's so like pretty up there.

It's so pretty.

Sometimes there'll just be a bunch of sheep on the road, and then you beep at them, and they run away.

It's very cute, it's like idyllic.

It is really wild.

Yeah, I was thinking, my boyfriend, we were going to vacation this year for the first time in 20 years.

I have not gone on vacation since I was 24 years old.

I went to Dominican as my parents, so it doesn't technically count, I guess.

You're going to go to Ireland, but I want to go to Barcelona because I feel like Ireland looks like Scotland.

I've been there so many fucking times.

Scotland.

Yeah.

Do you want to go somewhere else?

We're going to Barcelona.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah.

Yeah, I got tips for you.

I need the tips.

Okay.

Give me these tips.

Well, one, I will tell you.

Otherwise, I'll tell you in private, but it's just, there's this architect named Gaudi.

Yes, I've heard of this.

Yeah.

And so the term Gaudi comes from him.

It's like, you know, but they're doing it wrong in Vegas.

But his hand is everywhere there.

So all the like the

bars on the windows, it's like weirdly shaped.

It's all like.

It's all him?

Yeah.

And then he made this one church.

Okay.

It's like, you really have to do that one.

Yeah.

That's a big part of it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's the only like tourist thing there that you're like, wait in line, do it.

Okay.

Go in.

Worth it.

Yeah.

Okay.

But then you see his hand everywhere in the park.

Okay.

Well park, I think.

It's just like when he died, he got hit by a tram.

By a tram.

Yeah, when when he was older.

But he designed this church and it was a 200-something-year plan to make it.

And the city's like, we gotcha.

Jesus.

You'll be dead, but we'll finish it after you're dead.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

They love this guy.

They love him.

And when he died, thousands of people came out for his funeral for an architect.

Flew?

Did the funeral?

Just to bring his body down the road.

Do you think people would fly to see you if you died?

No.

I just was like editing this interview thing for my special.

People flew in.

Two people flew in.

One guy flew from Spain to see my special.

Another person flew in from San Fran.

I filmed it in Boston.

I was like, people have no lives.

What's the special called?

Filth Queen.

Filth Queen.

I think I already have laid something into the episode.

It would have been five minutes in.

Oh, that's right.

Again, I remember from

five minutes in.

Five minutes in.

Filthy Queen's not bad for you.

That's a good idea.

That's a good title.

It's a good title.

You kind of are with Filth Queen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a good title.

That's it.

You are really funny.

And you did great in my storytelling.

Thank you.

That was so fun.

Yeah, it was great.

That was such a fucking.

Are you allowed to say the venue?

No, probably probably not.

You can, that was the coolest fucking venue I've done anything, I think, ever in a taping in.

It was so intimate and interesting.

And it felt like, you know, something to be like, you didn't even feel it.

You can't really, but that you're like, oh, I actually.

You feel like this.

Because it was an old, like, it was an old

cabaret.

Yeah.

It's so, it's so strange in there.

And you feel the vibe.

Did I take you to the bathrooms downstairs?

No, I didn't fucking see the things with the sex things, right?

Damn it.

The backs of some of the toilets have a little couch where you can, you know.

That's so wild.

Why wouldn't they just have a separate like little couch room?

A toilet is so gross to fucking.

I have friends that have fucked in port-a-potties at like festivals, and it makes me sick.

I can't be near caca and

fucking a port-a-potty.

Oh, yeah.

Go to the tent.

So I'm saying.

It's all gross, but ew.

I fucking know.

Bonnaroo.

My friend Laura fucked this guy in a port-a-potty.

She's disgusting.

I mean, a regular hostel bathroom.

I could see it, a port-a-potty.

I fucks in a hostel bathroom.

Sure, sure, sure.

Most people have.

Yeah, I mean, what are you going to do it?

In the dorms?

Yeah, there's too many people in there.

Yeah, you go to the showers.

You go to the bathroom.

Where's your fucking hostel bathroom?

Bridgetown.

Portland?

Uh-huh.

At the festival?

Yeah.

You stayed in a hostel for Bridgetown?

Because they don't put you up.

They get you a deal in the hotel.

And then it was like crazy because it was like, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk, bunk.

So you're like, we got to go to the bathroom.

No, we're going to go.

It's bunks.

Bunked up.

You know who doesn't go to the bathroom?

German backpackers.

They just fuck on the bathroom.

Yeah.

And it's like they try to go quiet but it's like go to the

so you're hearing them yeah having sex yeah and they're they're not like really going for it they know they're in a dorm i i don't i'm not into that whole public thing

and then but the fucking whole thing's moving like a little bit they're not like really going for it if no one was there it'd be rocking

why can't you wait get up you got lazy germans make bad decisions

yeah they're lazy it's like just get up just get up.

I wouldn't want anyone hearing anything I did.

I love the shower.

Yeah, go to the, it's clean in there.

I love a nice thing.

Cleanest place in a hostel.

Oh, yeah.

Clean the pee-pee, put the pee-pee in, clean it afterwards.

Everything's clean.

I have a good rinse.

Who'd you fuck in a hostel?

A common?

Yeah, it's like.

Another conqueror staying at the hostel?

I can't think of the name.

Publicly like that.

Had you already fucked?

Yeah.

You had already fucked.

And so now you're like, we're going to fuck her.

Yeah.

You're never going to get it.

I'm just trying to see the situation.

I'm telling you.

American or Toronto?

American.

American.

So you would meet up once in a while.

We met up once in LA, and then I said.

Oh, hey, we're both here at this festival.

Yes.

Why not?

Slip it in again.

Slip in, but where are we going to do it there?

Slip in, slip out.

Slip it around.

That's great.

Hostel fucking is real fucking.

Yeah, I think I fucked in another hostel.

When I was in Amsterdam, I told you I.

That was my story that I had no story at all.

The first time I thought I was, I never ever thought about women until I was in Amsterdam years ago.

I really wanted to move there.

I have a giant windmill on my back tattoo.

Giant what?

Giant woman?

I really want to move to Amsterdam.

I went to Amsterdam once.

Yeah.

And then I was like, I'm moving to Amsterdam.

No, no, when I say giant, I mean it's my whole fucking back.

Oh, giant windmill.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A huge windmill on my back.

It's absurd.

It's very stupid.

Is it?

Yeah.

Never moved there.

I definitely wanted to move there.

I fell in love with that.

I went there once when I was 24.

Yeah.

And I was like, I need to move here.

I went back and I auditioned for Boom Chicago.

That's how badly I want to move there.

Worst audition in my life.

Oh, my God.

And I was doing improv at the time.

So I don't know what the fuck happened.

It's like their second city.

They're comedy stand-up scene rules now there.

It's like the number, kind of there in Berlin, but really there, number one in Europe.

Well, they did not like me and I bombed pretty good.

But yeah, I remember we were, it was me and my boyfriend at the time and then my best friend, her boyfriend.

And we were like so high.

We were like, it was this magical evening.

We had had like just done one of those like canal tours.

We ate an edible.

We were like, oh my God.

We're staying on this bridge, just like looking at the water and the lights.

And this like fucking blonde bombshell comes out of nowhere.

And she stops.

She goes, oh my God, you're so beautiful.

And it was like out of a dream.

And I was like, what?

She's like, I'm so sorry.

What a great response.

You're so beautiful.

What?

I was so, because it was so.

She was like, she had blonde hair.

She had this little beret on.

She had these like perfect little, it looked like in a movie.

These big red lips, these like blue eyes.

She had this like really cute little dress on.

And I was like, what?

She goes, what are you doing?

Please come with me right now.

And I'm like, my boyfriend's like, hello.

I'm with her.

She's like, if you want, please come with me.

And I'm like,

what?

And I like, I remember she walked away and I was like, am I gay now?

Like, I never had ever thought about another woman in my life until that fucking moment.

And then after him, I dated a woman.

I was all like fucked up.

I'm like, I'm gay now.

I'm like, you didn't go with her.

No, I didn't go with her.

I was with this guy for seven years.

No, he should have been like, this is, try it.

He should have.

What the heck?

See how far?

I'll be in the lobby.

It was wild.

At that moment, I was like, My God,

this woman, was she real?

I don't know.

She came out of the street.

Listen, strong lipstick lesbian, and like so femme.

Wow.

Because anytime after that, only very butcher women like me.

Yeah.

They're the ones who go for it hard.

Oh, they're always like a buzz cutting.

Like, I want to fucking suck your ass dry.

I'm like, Jesus, Chris.

By the way, on the low, there's no sexual harassers like a lesbian.

Oh.

And they won't take no.

They will not take no.

So it's like, hey, even a creep dude will eventually go away.

Oh, they in there.

There's this one comic who got out in Toronto and she was like pushing up women against the fucking bathroom and like grabbing their pussies and shit.

What?

Oh, yeah.

And like, Lesbo, you can't do this anymore.

No, no, that was crazy.

It was nuts.

Just because she's like, yeah, I was a woman.

It's okay.

I was like, no, you fingered her over her pants.

Who was that one Lesbo from Toronto?

She was funny.

Black hair, kind of thin, small.

Dana.

Dan's gone.

Short black hair, but kind of cute, but in that lesbian way.

Now I need to know who this is.

Short black hair, kind of cute, lesbian.

Cute in like a Cameron Esposito way, but not Cameron.

Deanna, Deanna, something, Deanna.

No, I think it's Heather.

No.

Okay.

I don't know who Deanna is.

All right.

Okay.

I'm glad we both shouted up that person we don't know.

All right.

Well, here's what we're doing.

That's where I'm going my nose is.

Okay.

Where do you want to go next?

I guess Barcelona.

I actually, and now I'm kind of regretting.

I kind of wish I was going to like Italy or Greece or Bulgaria.

I've never been to Bulgaria.

Oh.

The motherland.

You don't feel a connection.

You want to go back?

No,

I don't.

My family doesn't really speak English over there.

I've never really met them, so I wouldn't be able to see family there.

Yeah, but just go to the homeland.

I know.

I should have gone to the homeland.

I'd go to Israel more if I didn't have to see family.

Have you been to Bulgaria?

No.

Yeah.

Least visit a country in all of Europe.

What's cool about Bulgaria?

Should I be going to Bulgaria?

Yeah, I think you should.

I think it's like, it's because tourists don't go there, so it's like cheap.

Like the jam.

Where the fuck is Bulgaria?

It's like on the Red Sea.

Oh, it's over there.

It's right here in Quebec.

That's where it is.

It's France Edward Island.

That's where it is.

You speak French?

No, I would have picked it up.

Yeah.

No, I learned.

Oh, I actually want to go to Australia.

You've never been to Australia?

No.

Oh, you can get there.

Yeah, I know I can get there.

I feel like this is where I should be doing my stuff.

I played Aussie Rules football competitively.

Oh, yeah.

Made the Canadian national team.

I was fucking good.

They played the footy in.

Oh, huge.

In Toronto, it's massive.

There's like seven or eight women's teams and like 10 men's teams.

They don't even play it in all of Australia.

It's almost all East Coast.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, huge.

Yeah.

Huge, huge population in Toronto.

That's wild.

And they don't have a Perth team?

No.

I played for the Blues.

Wow.

Yep.

I got

it's so fun i used to think that's where my soulmate lived i was convinced i was so single for why i was convinced that it's just someone in it's someone in australia because i'm like they all have mullets yeah they all find me funny not all that's i'm really genuizing every single australian thinks i'm hilarious um they did on the team

it isn't it's like they like gritty they like raunchy

i went to a game with nick cody and one of the guys from the team recognized me afterwards They all came out.

He got locker room visits because he works for the radio out there and we're in the lot.

And somebody they're all eating their oranges and coming in and they're like, oh, Arish spirit that's so cool so cool oh my god that's actually really cool i that would make me like really starstruck yeah something like someone like that out of consciousness

they're so fucking like he'd be like so crucial these people get fully fucking tackled and go

and then like they comically shake it off and then run again i saw someone get punched casually It was like he was out of bounds.

Somebody like tackled him out of bounds, but he just kind of pushed him out of bounds.

So it wasn't a full tackle.

And then the guy was holding on to him, not realizing he had touched the line.

So he's out.

And so the guy's like, all right, get off.

I'm going to try to throw the ball in.

And the guy wouldn't get off.

He just fucking punched him.

And then the guy's like, all right.

Anyway.

And they went back right back to the battle.

And nothing.

Yeah.

There's no like hard.

And they go, what's up?

All right, whatever.

There's no fake soccer rolling.

They're limping off.

They're running again.

They're bleeding.

I can't stand that.

God damn.

It's so crazy.

They bitch more than Donchik.

It's bad.

It is bad.

And these guys are like literally bleeding.

They're all toothless.

Oh, it's a fucking sport of Karen's soccer.

It is.

Yeah, it rules.

I also saw somebody get knocked out in the halftime.

There was a thing where they'd hit you with a mattress.

You know how you go to the fair catch?

Yes, yes, yes.

You know, so you can like, we'll spot up.

We could

get whatever, wicked or whatever from here.

So they're doing that with fans.

Like, we're going to hit you with a mattress as you jump up and try to catch this, catch the ball.

And one guy caught it and fell.

And they're like, ah, you fight.

Like the third guy did it.

And the ball just like rolled away.

And it was like, what?

I'm like, oh, he's unconscious.

Oh, God.

He hit his head.

And they're like, all All right, and then the fourth guy's like, Can I like it?

Game's over,

guy's dead, game's over, guy's dead.

But Barcelona, you're gone.

Where's that really calling you, though, besides just a vacation?

Although, Barcelona does rule, yeah.

I mean, I feel like I honestly feel like Greece.

I've been getting on this weird uh Greek TikTok right now, okay, where it's like really cool.

Like, this is the place in Greece, you should go.

Is these all those little towns that are right over the water, and that like crystal clear blue water

in northern Greece?

Yes, that's cool, yeah.

Yeah, you know anything about those.

I didn't know nothing.

Nothing too exciting.

My boyfriend just came back from Japan and he fucking loved it.

Who's your boyfriend?

Check Arena?

No, don't tell me a story.

No, he's not.

He would have matters.

But he works on cruise ships and he just came back from Japan.

He said it was the fucking craziest.

It was so cool.

Why?

He said the people were so nice.

Like everything he ate was amazing.

Damn, I want to go.

I know.

Like just everything he's like, I ate like the whole time he lost weight because it's like they don't, they're not gouging on shit.

They have a drink,

they have a drink.

It's like, it's like this much whiskey, soda.

They're not fucking American pores where it's like, ooh, margarita is like this fucking sugar mix.

It's like homemade shit.

Like, it's absurd.

That's all the Scottish food I remember eating like shit for the festival and losing weight.

I don't know how you did.

It's fucking fish and chips and cheese and gravy.

A lot of fried.

That's all it is.

Hoggis is great.

Do you like Hoggis?

No, it's gross.

The fucking, ew, the sheep's intestine.

If you can't say it like that, then of course it's going to be gross.

I used to, you know, Robbie Burns, the old Scottish poet.

Yeah, he's the number one.

Every year.

Burns nights.

Yeah, Burns nights.

I would dance at them.

My mom would drag me to these fucking Legion halls in T.

I have a big nose.

This by Bulbas in Red.

And these guys would be just smoking, watching me dance as like an eight-year-old.

They're like,

turn around again.

In Toronto?

Yes.

They had Burns Nights in Toronto.

Yes.

I tried to go back last year and do it because they pay well.

It's like $100 a dance.

I'm like, I'll put the old kilt on.

I'll toss me a couple of fucking velvet vests here.

That's so cool.

Old fucking Scotchman.

Listen because they just love hearing his poetry.

Yeah.

We don't have that here.

No, no, but we'd watch somebody go around with the haggis and the hart desk and skirt whatever.

I loved it.

It was cool.

I expected to hate it and loved it.

It needs some sauce.

Oh, yeah.

It needs a bit of HP or something on there.

It needs a little.

I love HP sauce.

I should slap.

You ever ever fried Mars bar?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I think my favorite.

Did you ever try the Iron Brew bars?

Iron Brew?

Iron Brew.

Bars?

Oh, there's these.

Show me.

I don't know if they make them anymore.

Iron Brew Bars.

They were these, they look like there's like Laffy-Taffy kind of stuff.

Huge clumps of sugar.

I'd be like, maybe that's why it shows me.

Iron Brew, no one understands what it is.

It's only Scotland.

Iron Brew is a good one.

It's a plastickier soda.

Yes, it's disgusting.

Oh,

there's the bars.

The second one over.

Iron Brew Bar.

Oh my fucking God.

Those were

nasty.

I don't know what the fuck was in the middle of the day.

They all drink it.

Iron brew, we got to get a bottle.

It's really gross.

It's so gross.

It's like so every time I go placement, I'm like, let me try the thing.

And I'm like, oh, I actually like it.

I like Haggers.

Iron Brew, I'm like, I actually don't like it.

I gave it a real try.

Poison.

It's disgusting.

It's bad.

And this is

so fucking fat there.

They're so fat.

I do love a Scottish breakfast, though.

Like the fried tomatoes and the beans and the fucking wet sausages.

I love that.

Uh-huh.

It's one of the best breakfasts.

Oh, it's unreal.

And when you're hungover, or if you're up all night on acid and you just come home, Mark needs it.

Mark was going, they were giving us those big glasses on Kill Tony last night instead of the small ones.

Oh, yeah, he's fucked.

Um,

yeah, the Scottish breakfast is rule, they are so good, but everything else is brown.

Every food you eat there, the sauces are brown, everything's deep-fried.

I mean, best messenger chips I've ever had in my life, though, when they wrap them up in like the newspaper.

Yeah, fuck that tartar sauce.

Drunk food in Scotland is amazing.

Yeah, their crisps are good too.

I like their crisp flavors,

yeah.

Oh, yeah, where they just put like curry sauce on them and like

slap that back.

They have great Indian food over there.

The great Indian food.

Best I've ever had.

Yeah.

There's a high-level Indian restaurant in Edinburgh with like a line around the block all the time.

Really?

It's like one of those Michelin-y things.

Oh, shit.

I forget the name of it, but it's like Fusion Ian New.

Yeah, they have great Indian food.

So good.

Immigration really helps.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know what's doing the Toronto food scene, but it's really helping all over you.

Toronto is great food.

Yeah.

You've obviously been to Toronto a bunch.

Yeah.

It's so diverse.

Like we have great, good

Jamaican food, and our fucking Chinatown is insane.

Yeah, all these countries get a rap on their rep on their food, but it's like, no, we're not, no one eats.

There's no America.

What's American food?

It's just snake.

It's just Indian.

It's fucking

American fries.

No, but that's from Hamburg.

Is it?

Yeah.

We don't have that.

I don't know anything.

What's Canadian?

Fucking poutine?

It's stupid.

Poutine.

I guess that'd be it.

It's so good, though.

Yeah, but the food in Canada is not just Canadian.

No, no, no.

God, no.

Nothing.

Yeah, and smoked meat.

Smoked meat's Canadian.

Oh, yeah, smoked meat.

Delis fucking.

And a certain type of bagel.

Are you going to Montreal this year?

No, it's back, though.

I mean,

yeah, I guess it's back.

The deals are sending out.

Doesn't look like it's back.

I hate to break a deal.

It was never good deals.

Well, it's much worse.

They're rebranding.

They're starting over.

Yeah, yeah.

They should have started over a little up.

A couple more numbers in there.

It's It's so funny.

I remember Ralphie May bitching about the pay at Montreal.

And I'm like, my check as a new comic, I was like, this is great.

Most I've ever made.

Yeah.

But the higher level people, you know, it's like, uh,

it's a festival.

It's a festival.

I get it, but it's, you know,

insulting is what it is.

Whatever.

The amount of shows, 20 shows.

Oh, they keep working.

Yeah.

And I was like, and once you get there, you're like, chill, chill.

Let me just do this.

I got to sit for a second.

Like, God, my dog's here is going to be three times this amount.

What?

Do you have any travel tips?

Do some googling before you get there, I think.

I like to

do a little bit of checking out the restaurants.

Because if you get there in a panic and you're...

Yeah.

I like to know where I'm going.

I like to map out the area first.

Not a bad idea.

I never do it, but what you're saying is not a bad idea.

I think it's good to just see, because especially if you get a hostel, I stayed when I went back after I got this tattoo.

I stayed in the Red Light District.

In Amsterdam.

Yeah, by myself, in a hostel.

And that was a big mistake.

I really wish I didn't do that.

I didn't look, I didn't Google the area.

You, I say the Bulldog Hostel, and there's a couple of them.

Bulldog over it's right next to the coffee shop.

Yes, there's like one.

I think there's two bulldogs, and I booked the one that was in the right district, and I wasn't, I was like, oh, fuck me.

And it was just like, I couldn't even go for a walk.

I was watching all the men, watching the men look at those women is just,

it was.

Can I tell you, from the man's point of view, you try to just glance at a woman and they're like, oh, come here, come here.

Like, I just want to gawk.

Let me gawk.

Yeah, there's an open window.

So you got to go across the canal and then look over.

Yeah.

And you're not seeing as much.

I see.

You're in a glass.

I want to look.

You want to go that close?

I mean, not right, but yeah.

You're in a glass window.

You're insane.

Window shopping.

We window shopping.

I was just there.

I was there.

You stayed in it.

It's walk through.

I was so high, and I was like, so disgusted by it.

With Jessica Michelle.

I met with Jessica Michelle.

We would walk through there.

Oh, yeah.

The first time I went, I think, was with her.

You showed us there?

Yeah.

Yeah, she did.

She went to a live sex show.

So did I?

Really?

Yeah.

It was

not what you think.

They sit you in church pews and it's a bunch of Americans and then they come out and do like they have like a whole theme and they came out and they were doing like a friar tuck the guy who just says friar tuck and the girl was like this maid friar fuck from sex on the city I'll tell you what fire talk looks exactly like fire talk season three episode 16 if that's real

Wow.

You're that big of a Sex to City fan?

Couldn't possibly be season four.

It was either late three or early four for sure.

Are you actually a sex to city fan?

I'm watching it for the first time right now, so I have everything in my email.

And it brings women in to go, this actually reminds me of the time Charlotte did this, and women were like, What?

I can do exact quotes because I just saw the episode like a day before.

Look how Firefuck

and what episode it is.

It's got to be late, late three or early four.

Friar, this is so hilarious

that you actually know exactly what this is.

Samantha and the priest.

Yeah, click on that.

Let's see.

Friar fuck.

Yeah, for sure.

Season four, episode one.

Oh, God.

That was too close.

It was scaring me.

My God.

Yeah, I watched it, and it was, it's not, it is gross.

He's wearing a condom.

His t-shirt kept rolling.

He's wearing a condom?

It was really gross.

It was, and they were doing it to shut through the heart, but you're to blame.

So, and they were...

doing to the beat and all these Americans and Canadians were in the pews and we just burst out laughing because we're like, we're never going to hear the song the same again.

Oh, yeah.

And it was like, they were both ugly.

I feel bad, but they were both hideous.

And I'm like, nobody would ever have punched this in and looked for it.

Like, no one was googling whatever we saw because it wasn't even sexual.

It just became like very performative.

And I was like,

oh, really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like when you look at amateur porn and then you're like, this is too amateur.

I don't want this bad.

You can't do amateur porn.

The sheets are not clean.

The mattress is showing.

There's a sock in the corner.

I need a clean bed spread.

Somebody found a porn where they they were watching a special in the backdrop.

They weren't watching, but it was just on, and you could kind of hear it.

Oh, my God.

That's good.

That's good.

That was a YouTube special because Netflix would have blocked that.

They would have been like, no.

We can't have this.

That's a good travel tip.

Do a little bit of Google.

A little bit of Google, especially where you're staying.

I think that's the main one.

Because you want to, you know, because it'll say like, homeless people.

And I say the tendon only once.

When I went to the first time in San Francisco, and I didn't know that there would be man shitting right in front of my eyes the second I I went to my hotel room.

And I'm like, you know what?

Things like that, I wish I knew.

Yeah, I went to Havana with Bobby Kelly, and I was trying to say the more, the less touristy part.

I was like, oh, let's get a better feel.

And he Googled it.

And it was like, no.

Yeah.

You read those reviews.

You're like, this is a.

That's probably pretty smart.

All right.

And like, try the local stuff.

Try.

And, you know, also ask, I love asking people there.

People who are cool bartenders.

Not as people on the street.

Like, what do you do?

What's a cool bar you go to?

What's a good restaurant you go to?

That's how you find, I think, the best spots.

Yeah, you got to phrase these things right, too.

Because Nick Youssef had a thing back when he was drinking.

You know, Nick?

Not personally.

Okay.

But he was drinking.

And

he'd go, hey, you're on the road.

You're like, what's a cool bar?

And then they give you a version of what they think you'll think a cool bar is, which is like probably a nightclub or whatever.

Yeah, I want.

No, no, no.

So like, how do you get through to them what I want?

So Nick goes, hey, where's the bar where people not gay, but where guys with mustaches go?

Okay.

And he goes, oh, okay, you want this part.

He's like, Yeah, that's what I'm looking for.

Okay.

It's a regular hip surbar.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

As yeah.

Yeah, ask locals.

What's cool?

Ask locals, yeah.

Like where they eat.

Yeah, right.

Where you eat, where you drink.

All right, that's pretty good.

The special again is, hold on, because I've already said it twice now.

I only said it once.

Piece of filth.

I already did it.

Piece of filth queen.

Filth queen.

June 24th on Netflix.

No, it's already out.

It's out.

Go watch it on Netflix.

What's the 24th?

Tuesday?

Yes.

It's out today.

It's out today.

Go watch my special.

That's why we held this episode on the show.

Hey, thank you for holding it.

Please go watch it.

I'm excited for it.

You're fucking hilarious.

Thank you so much.

Thank you for having me on your story song show.

I hope that gets

LA Comics

going right now.

Thank you.

Yeah.

You know, you were there the worst set I ever had at the store.

I don't remember this.

It was years ago when Adam was still the booker.

Yeah.

I was showcasing and I bombed so bad.

And

I think you did that.

You took my hand and you went, yikes.

It was so

go right at it and not dance around it, guys.

Oh, no, no.

I wouldn't have wanted you to.

And then that night, I got rear-ended on the way home.

I was so pissed after bombing my tits off.

But I'll never forget that you were just like, yikes.

I was like, I think, if I remember right, it's tough.

I believed you enough.

You were always funny.

It was just.

You just leave me enough to go, wow, that was bad.

If I didn't, it'd be like, no, no, it was

bad.

But it's also embarrassing to do in front of the comments that you respect.

You're like, god damn it.

Like anybody else is doing it.

If Bobby, Lee brought me up,

it's so bad to bomb in front of someone you like look up to.

I was more, I was more upset that you saw that than the booker.

I was like, I'm actually mortified right now.

And then I always think that you remember that think, oh, you remember that.

But I'm like, I always think of that, like, I always bombed in front of Nick Crowell the first time he ever saw me, and he forgot about it.

I brought it up to him.

He's like, I don't know what you're talking about.

I was like, thank God.

Because it was like, don't bring it up.

It was rough.

So it's nice to know that.

How long have you been in LA?

11 years.

I guess I met you right when you kind of moved because I had just left.

I think you left, and I was like doing, I was also doing more alt stuff.

Did I know you in Toronto?

I probably saw you once in Toronto.

We probably came into some festival.

Yeah, maybe that.

Yeah, maybe Time Bar or something like that.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, interesting.

Because I remember when you got there, and it was like, there was even a vibe around you.

Like, Steph's funny.

Like, oh, cool.

New person.

New person.

That's actually funny.

Yeah.

Bob, like,

horror.

And you're like, yeah, okay.

Never said that.

Watch the fuck that nose.

Hello.

Okay.

You recovered.

Filth grade's on Netflix right now, everybody.

Plus, listen to her podcast.

The filth of the queenie.

Yeah.

What's the podcast?

Steph Infection.

Steph Infection.

Are you still doing with Jessica's Show?

No, no.

I don't.

This is my own

audio.

Steph Infection.

Yes.

Come to it when you're in L.A.

I don't know if you guys understand what a play on words is, but.

A lot of people don't.

A lot of people don't get that.

They're like, what do you do that?

I'm like, I can't explain it to you.

You're stupid.

I had one once at Steph Infection.

Did you?

Where?

It was like here.

I was like here, right here.

I I was playing pool with Rogan, and

I didn't know what they were.

It was you.

Yeah, he gave it to me.

That's why he wouldn't let me in the grease.

If it was in the butt, maybe, but this was on my leg.

And we were playing pool, and I was limping.

He goes, what are you limping?

And I was like, I got like a mosquito bite or something.

He's like, what?

What's a mosquito?

Why are you limping a mosquito bite?

Or not a mosquito bite, but a spider bite.

And he was like, let me see it.

And he goes, bro, that's...

You got to go to the hospital right now.

How long have you had that?

And I was like, a couple weeks ago.

Dude, that's going to get.

What's it called?

Where it just goes into your bloodstream?

Oh, yeah, and then you die.

Yeah, yeah.

You need it.

Yeah, he goes, you got to go to the hospital right now.

I'm like, buddy, I can't express to you what it's like to not have insurance.

There's no chance I'm going to a closed emergency room.

I will go tomorrow, though, when I can get back.

Oh, my God.

And you wait another night.

Yeah.

That's scary.

Anyway.

Anyways, thanks for having me.

Yeah, thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

I was like, how do you have this?

Don't drink iron brew.

Eat everything else.

Well, that's the episode, everybody.

Please, well, go see stuff.

First, click subscribe or click the the fucking bell button at the bottom of YouTube if you're watching, if you're on Spotify.

And I think there's other platforms too, but I don't really know them.

Hit subscribe so you get notified when new episodes are out.

If you're new to this podcast, we just cover a different place every time.

It really doesn't matter who the guest is.

We have a blast.

It's unrelated.

We don't always have a blast, but it's unrelated to the name of the guest.

It's just like somebody wanted a cool trip and it's fun to go along with them.

Damn, it really reminded me of the North.

I took a long trip.

I mean, I could do my own episode of this after um after Edinburgh one year after

was it the Jew one nope it was the first time I went to Edinburgh

I took a trip into the highlands it's a magical place where she was it's a magical place and then north of there do I have a Garvault

damn I had um

nope it's not hanging up guys I do get uh postcards from people I had one up from the the Garvault Hotel, the most remote hotel in

the UK mainland.

And I went to find it, and it drove and drove and drove and drove.

And you see it.

You finally see it.

It's on a one-lane street.

Okay, I like to bleep the names of places so it doesn't get overrun with tourists just trying to step in somebody's foot.

But find your own place.

I didn't find that by someone telling me.

I just

chanced upon it.

I made my own journey.

So make your own.

But I will tell you about the ones that are super difficult to find, which aren't going to get overrun.

Because I don't just tell you what, there's nothing worse than going to a place and coming back a year later, like, I can't bring a friend, and they'll go, uh, it's like out of parking lot now and it's full.

It sucks.

I'm not gonna be part of that.

Garvo Hotel, you gotta find.

I mean, it's an hour's drive from the nearest city, and then you finally come over a hill and you see it.

It's still like a 30-minute drive, it's so crazy remote.

And I got there and

pulled in.

There's a hotel area, no one's no one's in it.

So then I walked to the bar next door.

Everyone just stopped and stared at me like it was Blues Brothers

when they walked into the black room.

And I was like, hello.

And then they heard the accent.

They were just like, what?

I was like,

do you know if anybody's at the hotel next door?

And the bartender's like, it's my hotel.

And I was like, oh, okay.

It was just odd.

They were staring at me.

I mean, do you ever see Wickerman?

I had not, thankfully, or I would have frightened out of my my mind.

And so I went, I was like, yeah, so

can I get a room?

And he goes,

we're actually all full.

And I was like, no, really?

He goes, there's four rooms.

And they're all taken by these guys.

And they were like, oh, hi, where are you from?

I was like, I'm from America.

They're like, what are you doing out here?

I was like, I was at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

And they're like, oh, my God, that's so cool.

I was like, oh, yeah.

I was like, okay.

And I'm just ready to sleep in my car.

It was cold up there, but

there's nowhere else to go, but I could.

And

it's not like I didn't do it when I used to cut class.

Sleep in the car for a while, piss out the window, get a nice piss, and then back in.

I was like, okay.

And then one guy's like, hold on.

I have an RV.

I have a camper.

I can sleep in there.

You can take that room.

I was like, what?

He goes, yeah, we're all friends.

We're just here on a fishing trip.

They're like these guys in their 60s.

But, you know, I've got a camper.

I can sleep in that.

Take the room for the night.

And I did.

And then we all had dinner together.

He was like, do you want lamb?

I didn't know any of this.

He goes, do you want lamb or do you want whatever?

And I'm like, I mean,

lamb.

And then they make you a meal.

There's nowhere else to eat.

And then there's breakfast, too.

And these guys all went, it was so cool.

And they had these bugs that would just devour you.

Chiggers, right?

Commonly referred to them as chiggers.

Harvest mites up there.

Also known as berry bugs, but they're terrible and they burrow into your skin, but they're out there.

But man, what a fucking blast driving around up there.

I saw, I can't even tell you.

you.

I'll do this as an episode, The Highlands, because I got to tell you something I saw that's a bit magical.

I understand.

You don't know what I'm talking about.

I saw something

in the realm of magic.

Okay, so that's the episode.

Again, go watch Steph's specials, Filth Queen.

It's available right now.

And guys, by the way, I want to say this.

I'm going to say her dates real quick.

Bakersfield, all tickets are available at punchup.live slash sash slash Steph Toloff.

I will guarantee you this.

I know a lot of you don't know who she is yet.

I understand that.

I know a lot of you do.

She's great.

She has a new Netflix special.

She crushes.

And if you're looking something for Jimmy to do, this is what I, when I had friends, when I started, my friends would always write me, be like, hey, DC Improv, which one of these, I want to go this month.

Who of these are good?

And I'd be like, don't know.

That guy's great.

That guy will laugh for sure.

And this person,

I would choose something else.

Or this person's a Christian comic.

No offense, Nate.

Or this person's like, you know, date night.

And I just give him advice: Steph Tolov, even if you don't know who she is, will be a great date night out for you or a night out with your friends, whatever.

She's filthy.

And she's great.

She's hilarious.

So go see her.

In Bakersfield, Brea.

This is all starting in August.

Bakersfield, Brea, San Francisco, Philadelphia, Detroit, Sacramento, Minneapolis, Austin, Baltimore,

Winnipeg,

Calgary.

Where is she in Calgary?

Charlotte, Chicago, Rosemont, Chicago, again, Toronto, and Montreal.

Get tickets right now to see Steph Tolov.

Today's

wait, tomorrow's start today.

Today's episode, and I want to say this real quick, by the way, I'm in Charlestown, West Virginia.

My last gig.

Get tickets at RCFU.com July 12th.

One show only.

Stop sending postcards.

That's done.

That mailbox will be no longer.

If something's already in the mail, I'll probably get it.

But if not, I'm going to set up a new P.O.

box somewhere else.

Today's episode of You've Be Chipping is brought to you by, is produced by your mom's house network.

It's edited by Alan Caffey and

helped along by Chris and Niana.

And

I want to say we had a fucking blast when I was there last time.

We went out to Franklin's.

We did a line of Franklin's, a YMH outing.

I've never had this as a company outing in so many fucking years.

We all went out and got blasted in line beforehand.

What a fucking fun time.

We brought way too many trulies or beers or whatever, and we just like started handing them out.

So we're the hero of the line.

I mean, we were lit up by the time we got in there.

I don't know what happened.

It's summertime or

too many barbecue shops open, but the line at Franklin's is no longer undoable.

I used to have to trade Taskrabbit to get in or go myself at like 8 a.m., wait for three hours by myself, sometimes in the rain.

And we got beers and we got fucking lit up and they ate a shitload of meat.

Just say what you want.

Franklin's amazing.

You can say whatever the fuck you want.

Franklin's is amazing.

I'm not doing that comparison thing, but I will tell you, Franklin's.

Esta Amacio.

Oh, yeah.

Mont Blanc.

I am going to read some of these.

So guys.

I just want to give it up one time.

Show some pictures from our fucking outing.

It was a blast.

And we went swimming in a fucking swimming hole.

Got in trouble for drinking where we shouldn't have with a different crew.

That was not YMH.

We definitely did not get in trouble as a YMH staff for drinking in public when we didn't.

So

allegedly, I dropped YMH staff, found another staff of a neighboring place, then we got in trouble.

And then YMH came back in and we did not do anything.

Oh, no, wait, the manager was there.

Fuck off.

Yeah, we got almost pretty much thrown out.

Hey, Ari, just finished the

Tar de Mont Bloc, a 174-kilometer hike through France, Italy, and Switzerland.

Wait, what?

Is this one of those crazy fucking...

Is this one of those crazy hikes, multi-day hikes?

Rain, snow,

hail, blisters, bad knees, shitting in the woods.

Love it.

And wearing the same clothes for 10 days.

Would recommend.

Love Oscar.

And he sent it to Ari Shafir.

Care of you be tripping at an address that is no longer, so don't send it there.

Hold on to your postcards, guys.

I will send up another P.O.

box to send it to.

Putting that up on the wall.

Also, my fucking money thing is almost done.

Let's finish the episode, everybody.

If you're looking for a merch, hopefully it's up by now.

Stickers!

You'll be tripping stickers.

And here's what I want you to do.

At least minimum, the pre-sale will be up there with Ubi Trippin' shirts.

I saw this at a show in Providence.

Some people made a bootleg shirt, whoever those people are.

I love it.

I've been asking to try to find a picture.

I recreated it make my own you be tripping t-shirts go with pride it's the fucking logo right there which you can't see yeah you can

we have the technology

it's that

but just

just that part

um get them below if you're watching on youtube get them right below

get one of those the shroop fest shirts are coming also so maybe

be aware of that.

Hopefully, that maybe pre-sale will be on there, too.

Ooh, wouldn't that be great?

If not, it'll be next week.

So look below.

We got a bunch of shit coming.

Plus, you can get the Juvinyl, of which I have tons of in here.

Damn.

Some still signed.

Grinders.

Like that one.

Yeah, fuck.

Anyway, I'm doing a bad job with this.

Next week, who's on?

Who's on?

Graham K on Budapest.

Graham K on Budapest.

That day I'm also supposed to meet with Sabbatical

50/50 if it'll happen.

We got great ones coming.

Small Brain American,

John Ronson,

another Norman one, a great list, and Sarah Tolomash one when they visited me in Ecuador.

We got a bunch coming.

Please subscribe.

I'll see you next week, everybody.

Goodbye.

Steph, that was

great.

That was great.

You're graceful as shit.

Don't let anybody tell you different.

Bye.