South Africa w/ Yannis Pappas | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

By the time I hit my 50s, I'd learned a few things.

Like how family is precious.

Work can always wait.

And 99% of people over 50 already have the virus that causes shingles.

Not everyone at risk will develop it, but I did.

The painful, blistering rash disrupted my life for weeks.

Don't learn about your shingles risk the hard way.

Talk to your doctor or pharmacist today.

Sponsored by GSK.

That's hilarious.

Well, yeah, dude, I'm fucking happy you guys are back.

Everybody is.

Yeah, it's first two.

The reception was crazy.

I mean, we've posted those teasers on Instagram.

Like, people were like, what?

I mean, just never stopped.

Bring History of Hanes back.

Bring History of Hanes back.

Yeah.

It never stopped.

Yeah.

It just, it just, it just feels like it feels.

People stop with Cometown.

Yeah.

They stopped asking for it back.

Yeah, but History of Hanes, they never stopped.

They never stopped.

They kept just saying, bring it back, bring it back.

Yeah.

Because ours, Cometown went for a long run.

Whereas me and Chris stopped right at your beginning.

Just ramping up.

You gym browned it.

We just like, yeah, like just right at the beginning.

It's like Barry Sanders.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Yeah, what are you doing?

I heard he was older than we remember.

I heard he was already like mid-30s or 30s, where it's like.

Yeah, he's punch drunk a little bit.

It's sad when you meet those older guys when they used to really be allowed to hit.

Damn, yeah.

Just like a little.

I interviewed him for my old show.

It was just like.

I met Ken Griffey Jr.

and

No, he was totally fine.

Yeah, I don't think he made him.

I don't think he got hit by a baseball once.

He was totally fine.

Hi, how are you guys doing?

Lovely jacket you have on.

Yeah.

They're fine.

They got millions and billions of dollars.

Yeah.

Where you been and where are you going?

This is our race travel show.

Yeah, we're going to talk about travel today.

It's UB

Trippin.

Yeah.

Hi, everybody.

Welcome to Ubi Trippin.

It's a travel podcast.

That sounded too serious an announcer.

That's all right.

No, we were talking normally for a minute, and then that was like a different guy.

That really was a switch, yeah.

We're having normal.

Hey, everybody, what's going on?

Welcome to Great Adventure.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

That was good.

It's a pod for

kids?

Yeah, welcome.

Hey, if you're listening, welcome in, everybody.

It's a travel podcast.

And, you know, if you've been here before, you know, we just go to a different place every week.

That's the voice.

That's the fucking.

voice.

That was it right there.

That was it.

But you know what?

I didn't hate that energy you gave either.

Okay.

Yeah, it's appealing.

We welcome one of the best cats we'll ever have.

Giannis poppin'.

Yeah, you gotta get him excited in the first couple seconds, really.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I do teasers now.

Anyway, the point is, Giannis is,

we're just talking.

History of Hyenas is back.

Giannis has his own Long Days.

Nope, sorry.

Giannis Papusauer.

Used to be called Long Days.

I may change it again.

But it's Giannis Pappasauer.

What's Ryan Long's?

Ryan Long's?

Long Boys?

The Boys cast.

The boys cast.

Yeah, the Boy Boys.

Yours was Long Days.

Mine was Lash.

That's one of those mixing up.

Yeah,

you stole it from Ryan Long.

I still from Long Days.

I clearly had Long Days.

Like, we'll see what the public thinks.

Yeah, we'll see.

We'll do it out.

Yeah, mine was called Long Days because Chris used to call me Long Days because he would get a text from me and I would give him like a paragraph and he'd say it's going to be a long day.

So he started calling me Yanni Long Days because I would just be ranting about something like psychotically.

And then I changed it to Giannis Pappasauer because long days is just hard to say.

Giannis Papasauer.

Yeah, Giannis Papasauer is just easier.

And yeah, History Hyenas is back and it's been exciting.

We got two episodes up and we got bonus stuff up at patreon.com slash history hyenas and the fans are excited and I'm excited, bro.

Yeah.

I'm excited.

That was just going good.

Your fake New York Times article was the fucking title.

Oh, you remember that fake article?

Yeah.

You wrote a fake New York Times?

I mean,

tell me the story of that.

I know what I think of it, but like.

We were having fun.

We were just having fun and we were like, what if we wrote like a fake, I think the first one was a fake New Yorker.

But yeah, first of all, there were so many articles coming out about things like, who's, nobody knows this podcast.

What the fuck is this?

Yeah, and people, it was just like, it was that time where it was, what was it, like five years ago, whatever, where like

news was just writing about comedy all the time.

And you're going, like, why is everyone into like reviewing comedy?

Like, we're, and comedians were getting in trouble for saying things.

And, you know, I remember Burr had that.

He's like, you know, a joke lives in the context.

And then when you read it, it's like, it sounds like a statement.

Like, yeah, it was that era.

Yeah, yeah.

They were just making, like, taking our jokes, putting them down.

And you're like, oh, that sounds terrible.

Yeah, that's terrible.

It's like, yeah, it wasn't in context of irony.

And so I just had the idea.

I was like, this would be funny if we just, we're such a wild podcast.

I was like, what if we just got reviews from

the highest brow

that were positive?

So we chose like the New Yorker and New York Times, and they were like,

I mean, it is the book reviewers for the nation.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

And they were like very, I remember, I can't remember what they said, but they were like very lofty and pretentious.

They were pretentiously written, you know?

Yours or all of them?

No, the ones, the fake ones we did.

Yeah, the two fake ones we did.

So

we thought it was funny.

It was great.

But then we took them down because

I think

Burr, I think it was actually Burr who commented and he goes, this is great, man.

Or he texted me and said, hey, congrats.

And I was like, oh, wait.

People not knowing it's a joke.

So I didn't want people to think it wasn't a joke.

So I think we took him down from our account.

Damn.

Yeah, I think people were like, oh, congratulations.

I saw that write-up.

Because people only read headlines.

Yeah, exactly.

I was like, no, we just, I mean, why would you think the fucking New Yorker would ever review our podcast where we say some of the wildest stuff?

I love it.

Like, fuck them.

They're always.

And whenever they do an interview about stand-up, about somebody getting in trouble, they're always like, this comedian says, I'm like, who the fuck is that?

I know 290 comedians personally.

Yeah.

Never heard of those guys.

They'll go to Brooklyn, Brooklyn, find the fucking minor rooms, and they're like, I'll do the article.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was a wild era.

That era is long.

I feel like it's over.

That era was great.

It was a wild era.

It was really just like a.

Anything went?

Yeah.

I went down to fucking, I got homeless guys.

Like, come to my podcast.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was, it was that era, but then, yeah, it was a really, like, there was a microscope on comedy, and they were like, really.

Oh, that era.

That's the era I'm talking about.

The cancer culture era, which I think is over.

I feel like that's been over for a little while.

You see people reviewing going, shut up.

Anybody who's like, should they ever beat it?

This is Jump the Shark.

Yeah.

Yeah, we get it.

It just gets hacky after a while.

Yeah, yeah, we get it.

The guy said some stuff.

All right, it's fine.

Yeah, it was like even Sandler had to stop going like wacky.

Yeah.

You know, it was like people are like, we get it.

There's a pant going, oh,

all right.

It's been six movies.

Grow up.

Yeah, you can't.

Yeah, you can't, you can't act like you're

mildly retarded.

Yeah, so it's interesting because the hyenas feels different, but it also feels the same.

But it does, because we're older now.

We're a little older.

We all got kids.

And segwaying,

His Chinese goes all over the world for stories.

We go all over the world for stories.

So do we.

Yeah.

What do you got?

Where are we headed?

Where are we going to tell me this about?

Do people do like a weird thing where they go like,

here's my fake airplane.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I'm flying over China.

I'm nervous.

I'm even more nervous.

No, no, take the long run.

I don't mind taking it connected.

No, that's bad, too.

Take over Mongolia.

Yeah, we're going right down there to South Africa.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, South Africa.

I mean, I used to tour all over Norway, Sweden, and Finland.

Who, you did?

I did, yeah.

I did.

That was a while.

How many of us went there?

Yeah.

Oh,

through Rouse.

That's how you know Manolis.

No, I know Manolis through Rouse.

Yeah, and that's...

So

I know Manolis before that.

I met him through Rouse, but Rouse was going over there.

And so then I went over and I met a Finnish comedian Tommy Valemies.

From there, I went to Finland, slept on his couch, did shows.

Then, from there, I just met other people, and then I met Magnus Betnier, who's a Swedish comedian, who came over to the States.

I got him in a bunch of shitty rooms, and then he came and brought me to Sweden and took me on tour, and we went all over.

And he's like famous in Sweden, yeah.

Whoa, yeah, and this was a time where I had nothing.

Wait, how long ago is this?

This was uh, this was uh 2008, nine.

I went over there, nobody was going overseas, yeah, nobody was going over there, Norton, maybe quick, like a quick pop-op Pablo francisco was the only one who was going there and he got huge he went viral from the movie phone thing yeah so it got huge in sweden for some reason and he went over there and was just cashing in and he would just go there and go like this summer and

like i can't believe it and they would go

And they clap a lot over there.

Romania, too.

They were, they passed around tapes.

It was communist, so they couldn't like download anything.

Yeah.

They passed around a Pablo Francisco tape.

It's wild.

And then he was like, I'll do a show here.

It sold out in like seven minutes.

And they had to do like a 5,000-seater.

Yeah.

That was like the beginning of like the internet.

You'd go viral and you didn't even know it.

Nobody went out there, though.

Russell, obviously.

Russell was like,

I'm just finding out now.

Yeah.

I went later than this.

That's 2008, 9.

2007.

Yeah, 2007, 8, 9.

Yeah, Rouse must have.

Rouse, because Rouse started going over there.

I did a TV show in Denmark.

What?

It was funny.

Yeah, because you're just American and they're just like, he's American.

But then I'd go home and go perform at a bar for like six people which was like a mindfuck because I'd go over there and they pay you well and I was in Sweden and then I'd come home and be like just at a bar yeah I had nothing going on in comedy it's so great yeah but it was great it was great and uh it's you know you get paid when you start doing comedy their comedy scene is like 10 years at this point, maybe 20 years old in Scandinavia.

So like when you start doing comedy, your first gig is like paid.

Right.

You're like,

we need you.

All those guys.

Yeah, you're like, you're a professional.

Yeah.

And you're like, we should move to America.

Like, why?

Yeah, why would we do that?

For a 15-year pay cut.

I remember I tell them, you're like, yeah, we do shows for free all the time.

They're like, what?

Oh, dude.

I thought you were a comedian.

Yeah, the Hong Kong guys didn't understand how any of the American guys were poor.

They're like, you do comedy at night.

Yeah.

Why won't you have a job?

It doesn't interfere.

Do your job till six, go on at night.

And we're like, I have no defense for that.

Yeah.

I really don't know why we didn't just also work.

Yeah.

I was like, well, listen, we're a little lazier than you are.

It's a cultural thing, man.

It's not, you you know we don't really do the tiger mom thing here we yell at our parents about let us do what we want to do alexa mom you're you're getting in the way of my dream yeah um so what brought you there south africa south africa um we went to joburg and this was about uh this had to be about 2011 or 10 11 or 12 something like that okay so i got invited by the Greeks in Johannesburg.

What do you mean?

So I got a character, Mr.

Panos, that got popular with Greeks.

So Greeks would call me up, and I would have to do the worst gigs, right?

They're always through the church.

There's always a priest there.

And I would do it for, I'd just take the money and I'd just do it and I wouldn't do well.

And so there's a Greek population in Johannesburg.

Okay.

And so they invited me to go down and do a Mr.

Panos and, you know, go for like six days.

And they said, hey, you can, you know, we'll pay you and you, you, we'll put you up.

And then you can, you know, we have activities you can do.

Like, we'll figure out fun stuff for you to do like the guy who brought me out there was like we'll figure out stuff to do so I brought my buddy Jesse Scaturo who's a producer history hyenas now and my podcast and I brought Ted Alexandro oh hello I brought Ted Alexandro I was just like Ted will be great so Ted will Ted will open then I'll do stand-up and then Mr.

Ponos will go on at the end so we we flew there

and to Johannesburg and I hated it why I hated the flight Oh.

First off, the flight is.

You flew from America or from there?

I flew from America.

Okay, yeah.

I flew from America.

Yeah, that's the furthest you can go.

Yeah, it's 20 hours.

Look at this.

This is the center of the map.

Yeah, and you got to.

And you got to go over and down.

So we went to, I think, Abu Dhabi.

Do you go up over Iceland?

Yeah, I don't know.

Wait, does it?

They took us.

Yeah, they took us to, like, we did a...

We went to Abu Dhabi.

Was it Abu Dhabi?

Yeah, we went to

Dubai or Abu Dhabi.

Yeah, we went.

So we flew over.

Which way do you go?

From the.

This way.

Yeah, we go this way.

We flew that way.

So that way, and I think that was 12 hours, and then it was eight down.

So then we went there and we spent the night there.

We spent the night there.

And I don't remember, I guess because our ticket was the next day or whatever, or maybe something happened with the airlines.

I don't remember.

We stayed at a hotel and then we flew down.

And then just, you know, with anxiety, I didn't even like flying over those countries.

Any place where you're like, if we crash and survive, I might get eaten.

Yeah, I had that feeling when we were flying over.

I was like, we're probably over Yemen right now.

Now we're over Somalia.

Now we're over Kenya.

Now we're over Tanzania.

I just didn't have a good feeling about

safely 200 meters away from some car and safari.

Like, oh, you got lucky.

We're here right now.

And you wouldn't get to that car.

I feel like you'd be fine.

I feel like you'd go for six months to fucking Somalia and figure it out.

Yeah.

Oh, I'd be a war lord.

Yeah, where me, it's like, I'm going to Cancun and I'm going home.

That's me.

You got towers here?

Let me show you what the Jews plan in my country.

Yeah.

Hey, everybody, I got to break in really quickly to tell you a little bit about Giannis Pappas, the guest today.

He's an accomplished stand-up comedian.

And exciting news.

Right now, he's got a new stand-up comedy special out on YouTube.

Property owner, full stand-up comedy special.

by Giannis Pappas, just released on the History Hyenas YouTube.

Whatever you're doing right now, stop this episode.

Go over and click.

Should be in the description.

At minimum, click on the watch it later.

Property owner by Giannis Pappas.

Very exciting news on the number one platform for stand-up comedy, youtube.com.

He's also going to be in Bozeman, Montana in November.

You can get tickets there at

Yannis PapasComedy.com.

But also exciting news is History Hyenas is back, everybody.

One of the best, most exciting podcasts in the world.

Giannis Pappas and Chris DeStefano every week take on a piece of history and really just fuck with it a bunch.

So check it out.

History Hyanes has also got the Giannis Papas hour.

But the most exciting thing is his new special out right now, property owner on YouTube.

Myself, I'm going to be in Anchorage, Alaska on

June 18th.

June 18th.

And in Charlestown, West Virginia, July.

I mean, I really got to look at one of these are

June 18th, Anchorage, July 12th, Charlestown, West Virginia.

All tickets are available at rhsdvir.com.

Plus, I got merch.

If you're watching on YouTube down there at the bottom,

get some.

Support me in my drug habits.

Stuff like this.

Grinders.

For grinding.

I got to talk in the outro.

Bad times.

Bad times.

Right now, all you got to worry about is Giannis Pappas' brand new special property owner.

Check it out right now on YouTube.

History Ienas, check it later.

Let's get back to the episode.

So,

it was 20 hours to get there, and then we get there.

And, dude, Johannesburg is

like not great.

What do you mean?

It's just a weird country where the poverty and the

richness,

the wealth and the poverty is so extreme.

I think they have one of the biggest wealth gaps in the world, if I'm not mistaken.

Really?

And you just feel it.

Like, it just, it's weird.

Like, everyone lives behind security walls.

When you drive, when we were driving, they're like, all right, listen, they had like guns with them, and they're like, a lot of carjackings happen.

You see people without shoes.

Where we were staying was behind security walls.

Every house has security walls, just constantly up.

Really?

Everyone lives in like their own little fortress.

It's like District Night.

Nai?

It's crazy, dude.

Yeah, and nobody goes downtown anymore.

And it still has like a skyline.

It's still...

Do you see the poverty?

You see the poverty, and the poverty is disturbing.

It's not like poverty here.

What do you mean?

It's like no shoes.

It's like no shoes, like mud.

Like,

yeah.

It's a poverty that you're just, you don't see here.

Yeah, at least here when you see homeless, you're like, they have phones or something.

Syracuse sweatpants.

Oh, did you go there?

Did you find these?

Yeah, yeah.

They have clothes.

They have phones.

They do have phones.

They have phones.

They got like sneakers.

Sometimes you'll see them in like $80 sneakers.

They're like, they're having burgers, they'll go get a dollar burger at McDonald's.

Homeless guys, yeah, what?

And they're like, Well, I don't eat the healthiest food, you're like, But you eat a lot of it, yeah.

One burger a day wouldn't get you fat.

Yeah, it's a totally different level of poverty.

Damn, was it?

I mean, is it dangerous?

Is it scary?

It's dangerous, yeah, it's dangerous.

It was constant, it was a constant reminder of like we gotta, when we drive, we gotta be careful of carjacking.

And the guy who took us to dinner and did all this stuff and was like, he was like a soldier

in like whatever that was that happened.

And he was like telling us about stuff he did.

And he's like,

stuff that haunts me and I'm not proud of.

And like, yeah, like they just did bad things to the natives there.

What?

Like bad murder type of stuff and torture type of stuff.

And it was like,

you know, they were like in control.

Yeah.

And there was no like,

it was just bad.

Yeah.

It was like we had, we had that problem in America, and they had that problem like 15 till 15 years ago.

I heard an NPR story about this guy who was like liberal arts major, like, like, but after like 9-11, you know, a lot of those fucking nerds signed up.

So he was like enlisted.

And then he was like guarding some like, whatever, some like host, not hostage, but like some, some captive.

And he was like, he was a bad guy, just so you know, it wasn't like a maybe.

He was definitely a bad guy.

And he goes, I had to stop all my friends from coming in and killing them.

And I, I had to talk myself out of it.

He goes, you just get this power and you're like, they're right there.

And you're just like, I just want to fucking, I just want to use it.

Yeah.

Power is not good for anybody.

Anyway, so yeah.

And that was just what he was.

Did they feel bad about it?

Yeah, he felt bad about it.

And it was kind of just like he was in the army and they just were doing all that segregation stuff and they were just like killing and

doing bad stuff to the native populations there.

What did he say about it?

Did they not see him as people or was it just like yeah, kind of stuff like that?

Yeah, kind of stuff like that.

I mean, he wasn't like the the most progressive guy to talk to.

Yeah, yeah, I mean.

Yeah, and I mean, when did it stop?

It wasn't that long ago.

When was it?

It wasn't that long ago.

It wasn't that long ago.

And I was there what?

So, like, when did apartheid, South African apartheid?

It's just crazy to go to a country.

I guess it would feel like 1990s.

Yeah, it's like 1990.

So I was there like.

20 years after?

Like, not even 20 years.

Yeah, well, not, yeah, like 20 years after.

It's like a little, like 20 years after.

I did a Copenhagen comedy festival with Bobby.

We had an Icelandic guy who now like runs that whole fucking state country.

He's been doing it for like eight months.

Yeah, he's got a lot of instantly, like I said, money.

He's a millionaire.

Yeah.

And this South African guy, he goes, oh, yeah, great.

Free everybody.

Make them all voters.

I get that.

But you have a bunch of non-readers that are voters.

He goes, I know why the reason where none of us are proud of that.

But you have a bunch of illiterate people voting.

So who do they vote in?

They fucking vote in the main good guy.

Right?

What's his name?

The big leader.

Mandela.

Oh, yeah.

Nelson Mandela.

Yeah.

Then Mandela dies.

And they voted in a Zulu warrior with 10 wives and thinking you can cure AIDS with fucking a virgin.

Yeah.

He goes, we're fucked.

Yeah.

And look, there's like Mandela was like, you know, said that whole thing, like, we're just going to leave the past in the past and not do.

But a lot of people, you know, the cops are black and the people live in the suburbs are white.

And you can just feel, you can cut when you go there or when I was there, you know, 20 years.

Imagine being in America like in 1880.

Yeah, when did slavery end?

What was that?

1865, the end of the Civil War.

So you're like there after the Civil War, like 1885, like in Mississippi.

It just feels like that.

But it's different because the blacks have the power because they have the majority and they, a democracy, they elected in all like blacks.

So it's just, and there's this tension.

You can cut it with a knife.

You can feel it wherever you go.

We went to a casino.

You could just feel it.

Were they all like intermingled?

They were all intermingled, like kind of, but you can, you know, it's more blacks.

It's just a black country.

It's like all blacks everywhere.

God, I don't see how there's any whites left.

I just want to be, you just want to like wear an American flag.

That's the only time you want to wear an American flag.

You know how people used to put the Canadian flag on their bags because everyone hated America so much, like during the Bush administration.

They're like, I'm Canadian.

That's when you want to walk around.

You're like, I got nothing to do with this.

Yeah.

Yeah, you just feel it and you get the looks.

You get the, it's just, it's, it's tense.

Damn.

And so we, um, we did a lot of fun stuff.

Um, and um, they took us.

This is a funny story.

So, and then I'll tell you about the show where I bombed, which was great.

I mean, I bombed.

I mean, they were came in to see me.

I mean, a thousand Greeks in this theater.

Ted Alexandro murders.

Oh, he's Greek.

No, Ted Alexandro is not even Greek.

Oh, Alexandro's not?

No, he's not.

He's Italian.

You know Ted, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ted's cool.

So he's up top.

He's clean, kind of clean.

And he's just a great comic.

And I'm like, while he was up there, I'm like, what the fuck was I thinking to bring Ted to start the show?

He goes up, he murders, and then

I was just, I was just not that great a comic at that point.

I just wasn't that good.

And so I go up, it was just all characters.

And so I go up after him and I bomb.

I just bomb in front of these people that brought me out.

And then they did this intermission.

And then thankfully, I did the character, and the character did well.

But anyway.

Yeah.

So what did they have you do?

Yeah.

So we went to this private reserve.

So they have these private reserves.

So the private reserve is just like a rich guy who's got all this land and he just has these exotic animals and he's got like a private staff that handles them.

Wait.

And there's like you a personal safari?

It's just a personal safari.

What?

No government interview, nothing.

No.

So they didn't get back any of their money.

They just lost their free labor force.

They just lost their free labor forces, basically.

Yeah.

They just, yeah.

And you go and you look at these, I mean, these animals in the most intimate, dangerous ways.

Yeah.

So we go to this guy's private reserve reserve

that they take us to.

You have pictures and stuff?

I had, I can find them.

Okay, I have

and the story.

I think I have the picture when the story gets good.

Okay.

So we go in there, and at the beginning, we go in there, and

Ted has a phobia.

He didn't, and he did not tell me or Jesse about it until afterwards.

I'll just start the story saying, Ted Alexandro has a phobia of animals.

He has a big phobia of dogs.

He has like a phobia, Like some people are scared of heights.

He has a phobia.

Like bad.

But he didn't want to tell us.

There's got to be strays everywhere there.

Yeah, I mean, dude, I'm not.

There's fucking hyenas there.

There's like hyenas and fucking lions and fucking cheetahs and fucking.

We don't even worry about a dog, dude.

There's fucking.

We're an Afro dog.

Yeah.

The dogs have been eaten.

Some of the people get eaten.

Damn.

Yeah, they eat people.

So we're going to see like the most dangerous predators of the planet.

He's got this massive, like, debilitating phobia.

But he didn't mention it because, like, he just didn't want to ruin our time.

But he told us later that he was just freaking out.

Like, the whole thing, he couldn't sleep.

He had anxiety.

He didn't want to go, but he didn't want to ruin the time of us going to his private reserve.

So, we go there.

And this is how fucking loose they were with the regulations there.

You get there, and you got to sign this long contract about if you die, it's like your fault.

You decided to come here and you're dead.

We don't know.

There are animals here that do can get a little upset and they can jump and kill you.

And then you go through, and I swear to God, you're in a Jeep.

You're just in a fucking Jeep with no fence,

no anything,

nothing.

It's like me and you in this chair, and they're driving through, and then they stop, and they're stopping by hyenas.

And most of the hyenas are sleeping and whatever.

They're not doing it, but they're like as close.

They're as close as like that backpack, and they're just close as the camera.

They're just right there.

So if one hyena just like had rabies or something or whatever, like they

or whatever,

they just jump at you.

What?

Then we stop at this lion, this male lion.

Right there, too?

Dude, wait, why don't they attack you?

I wish that's crazy.

How do they let you do that?

This is what happened.

So I don't even know why.

I don't even know.

How do they let you do that?

I don't know.

What do you mean?

It's there?

It's there, dude.

And the seat is like we're sitting.

I'm telling you.

Just like open, like this.

Just open.

I'm talking about like there's like a rail where you put your arm and then you're just it would be on.

He can jump in in one second.

He can just jump right in.

And this is a private reserve.

This isn't like a fucking docile zooed animal.

There's a private reserve where they like, you know, it's not like one of those things where this is like a, you know, he's been in captivity for 20 years.

He cuddles with an with some tiger lover or, you know, you know, those videos and fucking stuff.

He doesn't have a guy who knowed him since he knows the lion since he was a cub and they're like friends.

I love that.

It's like this and the lion type.

I just want one of those like, ah, fuck.

Yeah, and they got these like people working there.

Like, the guy that was driving wasn't even a good driver.

It was nothing professional about it.

They had no uniforms on.

They were just people.

And so this, we pull up to this lion.

He's about like five feet from us.

And they're like, don't worry.

And I kind of asked, I was like, is this cool?

Like, are we cool?

It's like, we are.

And he's like, no, don't worry.

He's fine.

He's, he goes, he's used.

He's used to the

shape of the truck.

Like, it doesn't startle him the truck okay so he's like don't worry he's just used to it it doesn't startle him well you'd only have to be worried if like he didn't wasn't used to it but he's used to it so we get there we look at him he fucking the lion goes

and we

to the point like where the driver was like all right this is a problem and sped off so that's how we like started that's how the thing started and then they told us a story about like they just lost one of the animals because one of the lions they so they had the lions in one section, the cheetahs, the hyenas, and they're all separated by these fences, like these fucking makeshift fences, like that you'd see at like a basketball court because they have to keep the predators separate from each other because they'll kill each other.

So

the day before or two days before we got there, one of the lions was able to fucking rip through that fence and kill the cheetah.

So they were like, yeah, it was like one of our, you know, oldest cheetahs.

And

this lion just went through.

So you can imagine Ted just hearing these fucking stories.

We go past this lion.

This lion like does like a thing like it's going to jump at us.

And dude, the growl of a lion, have you heard like an angry growl of a lion in person?

The animal channel just doesn't do it justice when it's 3D and it's right there and there's the threat and you see the teeth and you see the fucking psychopathy in the eyes of that type level of predator.

It's something that like stays with you it's just a dead like it's just like i'm gonna eat you

yeah like i have no what do you empathy like nothing just kind of just fucking like a snake

this episode is brought to you by progressive commercial insurance business owners meet progressive insurance They make it easy to get discounts on commercial auto insurance and find coverages to grow with your business.

Quote in as little as eight minutes at progressivecommercial.com.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company, coverage provided and serviced by affiliated and third-party insurers.

Discounts and covered selections not available in all states or situations.

And then, so we drive off after that happens because he gets nervous.

Ted.

Yeah.

Oh, the dude.

The driver got nervous.

We drive off.

And then we get to this part where they have...

They have these two lion sections.

They got the, and you can go play with the lions, right?

So they have the baby lions, which are like two or three months old.

And then they had like the six, seven, eighth month lions, which are like kind of, they look like size of like a big German shepherd.

Yeah.

And they're not full grown yet, but they're about to like be where they will kill you.

So we didn't know about.

They've never had puberty yet.

Yeah.

They're like teenagers.

Yeah.

That's worse.

It's bad, yeah.

So me and Jesse, who were like thrilled by this, they was like, which one do you want to go to?

Because we didn't know.

Ted is probably already shit in his pants at this point.

So me and Jesse go, let's not go with the two, three month.

We want to go fucking play with the, you know, 10, 11 month fucking lions.

So Ted comes with us.

He's not saying anything, but he's been quiet the whole time.

And after this happened, now it makes sense that why he was quiet.

But at the time, he was just like, he's just being quiet.

He's just enjoying it.

He was just quiet.

He was just oddly quiet.

So he comes in with us.

They make us sign another thing.

And then they have this like yarn ball.

And so like you, you can play with the lion, but you have this big ball like a cat, and you distract them with the thing.

And so he's playing with the ball with these fucking paws because they had the big paws.

They just haven't grown into them yet.

And they're clawing.

And you see these knives and they're clawing.

And then me and Jesse would rub its belly and play with it.

And then we were taking pictures.

And that's what we took pictures.

And

then we get on the, the guy who worked there was like, get on the ground.

You can get on the ground with him.

And you can distract him with the ball.

So we're on the ground with the lions playing, right?

And so Ted does it too.

ted gets like on the ground he doesn't want to ruin the good time he wants to be one of the boys so he gets on the ground and i guess the lions can like smell fear

because they just go at him like three of them just start going at ted what do you mean going like going at him like one jumped on him like jumped on him and then another one

another one went and bit his foot started biting his foot and then another one came like three of them at the same time and they're playing like you know the way they play like dogs and dogs play they play they play they're they're playing play kill it's all play it's all simulating kill they start simulating a kill on fucking ted alexandro this fucking 10 month line so three fucking 10 month lines and they're not small and i will find the picture so you can post it and and this so one starts biting his foot and then another one comes while the other one's on here like jumped in another one comes here and fucking claws his chest and then one's biting his foot, he starts going, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

And then he starts screaming in terror.

Like terror.

I can see him trying to hold it.

Like, okay, don't let on.

Don't let on.

He's like, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

And he just, the dude, he had a fucking claw mark

on his chest.

Like, it was like.

I mean, a dog will get you.

Yeah.

A puppy dog will slice you up.

Yeah, this thing sliced his chest.

What?

It looked like Wolverine.

He had a fight with Wolverine.

He just.

What do you mean?

They just let that happen?

They just let it happen.

They just let it fucking happen.

That's the type of place we were at.

We were at a private reserve.

We're like, you just signed the contract and his foot got bit.

I mean, the fucking tiger, I mean, the lion bit through his sneaker.

What?

I mean, it was nuts.

It was nuts.

And then he tell, like, he's freaking out, right?

Afterwards, he's freaking out.

And then afterwards, like, we're laughing about it.

We're laughing hard because I kept laughing at the way he went ow, ow, ow, ow.

He was like,

and he just screamed.

And then he goes, and then he told us.

He's like, guys, I didn't want to tell you, but I have like a deep phobia of like dogs and animals.

And we're like, what do you mean a phobia?

And he's like, I can't, I can't even be around them.

And I was like, well, why did you?

Why would you go into a lion cage?

Yeah.

And he's like, I didn't want to ruin.

I didn't want to ruin anyone's good time.

And I was like, dude, dad.

He made it actually.

That's how good a guy he is.

He was thinking about us over his own death.

Oh, my God.

How did they get us?

They just stopped.

They just got bored of us.

So then when that happened, the guy ran over.

So Ted was like, and when I mean, Ted was screaming.

I mean, Ted was scared he was being eaten by lions.

I would have loved to have seen that.

At that moment, he thought he was being eaten.

I would have loved to have seen

what you do know as the end.

Yeah, he thought that was happening.

Like, three lions were on him.

And that's what.

And imagine you had that.

fear of animals and then that's happening.

He was like, so he was screaming like that.

So the guy was like,

he ran over and he pulled the lines off and distracted him.

And Ted got up and he was like,

oh my God, hey.

And then he like lifted his shirt.

He's like, oh, my God.

He's all blooded.

His shoe.

He had a fucking hole in his shoe.

I think I remember he was wearing like

Adidas Campus, like suede.

And the,

You know, the fucking animal probably was like, yo, this is, yeah, it's made out of leather.

This is a little animal.

Oh, it's so funny.

And, yeah, so Ted Alexandro

almost got eaten by lions.

10 months old.

What else did you get into?

What were the bathrooms like there?

It was.

Are they, yeah.

Yeah, everything else is just pretty.

It's like

an American city, you know, where the city's kind of gotten bad.

So

everyone lives in the suburbs who has any bit of money and how are those those people who are rich rich there's rich rich that live in the suburbs where'd you stay we stayed in the rich rich area we stayed in the burbs because nobody who has any money goes to the city anymore don't even try no no i mean i don't know if you can look it up but the wealth disparity the wealth disparity in johannesburg is disturbing i know it's one of the most

it's it's and it's something that you can read on paper and like say oh that's the wealth disparity but then when you're there you

can you can really and you can feel it you can feel it's South Africa is one of the most unequal cities in the world.

Yeah, it's crazy.

The top 10% of South Africans own 86% of the country's wealth.

Crazy.

While the top 0.1%

own a third of it.

It's crazy.

The top 0.01% of those, so 10% of those own 15% of all the wealth, which is more than the bottom 90%.

Oh.

Yeah, the typical black household in South Africa owns 5% of the wealth of a typical white household.

5%.

That's 4% away from zero.

20 times their salary.

It's crazy, dude.

Goes to a typical white household.

Yeah.

And then these people were, you know,

brutalized.

They don't spend money.

Right.

They were brutalized by the money.

Why don't there be any whites left alive?

I don't even, I don't know.

When Chappelle said that thing about chicks calming down because look what Africa did, South Africa did.

It was like, oh, I get it now.

Yeah, like I was crazy.

Every white there.

All you needed was one to start, and you could tell the rest, rest, like, finally, let's go.

I mean, I think there's, it's happened a little bit.

I think there's been some of that that's happened, and I think it's a constant

economy doesn't generate enough jobs.

Okay.

Yeah, I think it's a constant problem there where, like, whites are getting attacked or whatever, and you just feel it.

I'm telling you,

when I went there, it was like, it was like the only other place that I felt like the problem like that was I went to Montenegro.

One of my best friends is Montenegrin, which is in the old Yugoslavia.

Oh, okay.

Montenegro should be Macedonia?

No.

No, Montenegro, right there.

Montenegro, right there.

So, yeah, it's by Serbia, right?

And they're the second tallest people in the world, by the way.

Montenegro.

Yeah, behind, like, well, I think maybe.

I'm sorry.

Maybe put an edit in there if I need it.

Why, for what?

Montenegro.

Whatever.

Oh, you called it Montenegro.

Yeah, you got to really slow it down.

You got to really slow it down.

It's like Montenegro.

When you're in Kansas City and you want to go to the Negro.

grow,

like I lost his job.

Negro.

I could see it either way.

I could see him either just said it fast and it came out a little sounding wrong or I could see him saying it either way.

He was like, what?

Oh, no, no.

If I say Yannish, Papa, I'm like, oh, I'm sorry.

But I'm like, I'll still continue in society with a Yannish.

Right.

But if you go fast on that word,

you got to really slow it down on that word.

I would say, guys, if you're out there listening, best not even to visit that Hall of Fame.

Don't even tell anyone.

Don't tell anyone about it.

Yeah, and if you do, just go, I'm going to a baseball museum, just leave the word out.

Just go, I'm going to the baseball museum.

Really?

I don't see race, so it's really just an old-timey baseball museum.

That was one of the funniest things, though.

That baseball we went over to the

he was trying to give it up for them, too.

He really was trying to prop them, give them their flowers, as that gosh would say.

But it's so close, that's the problem.

Negro, it's so

Montenegro, Montenegro, Montenegro.

Yeah, so I was there in 99

when we were bombing them, when Clinton was bombing

that area.

And you could feel, you know, at that point, there's like no Americans who were going over there.

And it was funny because it was me and my friend Todd, who I played basketball, no, Todd, who's black.

And there's no black.

So this was before the internet, dude.

So this is 99.

So they'd never seen a black person.

So everywhere we walked in Montenegro, they were just going, Michael Jordan.

Michael Jordan.

And they all wanted to take pictures with him because they'd just never seen a black person.

You want to test if their their cameras could take both of them in one shot?

Remember that?

Where you couldn't have pictures with your black friend?

Yeah.

They'd never seen a black person.

They had never seen a black person in person in their entire life, and all they knew was Michael Jordan.

My aunt said in the suburbs of Munich, I mean, 40 years ago, like if a GI was there and was walking, they'd come out of their homes and stare.

They'd be like, what the fuck?

Yeah.

It's like.

It's weird.

Like they knew of their existence, but to see one, it's like, whoa.

Yeah, it must feel weird.

It must have felt weird for him because it kind of made him feel like a celebrity, but it was also kind of isolating because you're in a country full of like these big, tall,

you know, Eastern Europeans, and they're just like looking at you all the time.

I think right next to.

I had this long-standing theory that Italians are the worst of the whites.

Italians are the worst of the whites.

And I'll justify it as much as you need me to.

No, I don't disagree.

But I would say if you were a Jew, you'd probably say, you'd maybe want to go German.

Nope.

Yeah, I understand that.

Do you have a problem with that?

Small slip-up.

Yes.

One-time slip-up.

It's not there normally.

It's not there all the time.

Everyone makes mistakes.

And it's not there now.

Right.

Everyone makes mistakes.

Yeah, everyone makes mistakes.

So they don't stand by that.

Right, right, right.

Italians,

they glorify sopranos and the worst of them, the most violent.

They all pretend to be of the mafia.

They give nothing to society except wife beating.

They're just, they're not classy in any way.

They smell, they value all things society does not value.

But recently, I've been made aware, and I have to,

Albanians might be the worst of the whites.

I just didn't grow up with them.

Yeah, yeah.

Could be Albanians.

Well, Greeks, yeah.

You know, there's a lot of Albanians in Greek.

A lot of Albanians in Greece.

Okay, they worked there.

Yeah.

And, yeah.

Loved?

Okay, let's come back to this.

They're great.

No, I don't.

I'm not, I don't live over there.

The stereotype is they do crime there and stuff like that.

That's the stereotype.

I don't know.

I love Albanians.

I love Albanians.

Yeah.

I remember when they came to New York, like the Albanian immigrants came to New York and everyone was just scared of Albanians.

There was like Albanian gangs and everyone was like, dude, Dude, don't do that.

This guy, the kid's friends with Albanians.

And you're like, all right, I'm just fucking keeping away from you.

Yeah.

They seem like a type of like crazy whites.

Lose an arm and keep going.

Yeah, they're just crazy whites.

Yeah, the worst of the whites.

I don't, I want to say that.

No, I know you don't want to say it.

But as someone who has survived black rage, I could survive Albanian rage.

Yeah, you really have survived a lot of ethnic group rages.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, wow, you're right.

Latino rage.

Yeah.

Black rage.

You've saved it.

Yeah.

You got to go.

How about Germans?

Why don't you call it Germans?

They did stuff.

you forgive them, yeah.

I forgive them, you just forgive them, which is very Christ-like of you, which is ironic.

They moved on.

Here's why Christ-like they turned the other cheek.

Yeah, the drugs in Germany have enriched my lives, totally enriched my life.

Yeah, I've had some of the best times I've ever had in Germany.

And also, now it's like probably the safest place for Jews, right?

See that interview with that guy?

No, going out.

It was a man on the street, young kids interviewing people, and some old man, they're like, So, any tips for life?

He goes, Yeah, I like to travel the day after a terrorist attack.

I go to these places and they're like what he goes listen security's at its highest who's gonna do two terrorist attacks in two days that's a good point it's you probably have the most time until a terrorist attack

i never thought of that he goes you get deals on travel stuff nobody's there no crowds at the beaches that's it actually really good point yeah I never thought about that.

Yeah.

Like September 12th was probably the best time to come to America.

I'm gonna let the dust settle, so to speak.

Maybe September 13th, you're gonna get a really cheap ticket.

My friend had an apartment down there they go we're paying for 70% of your rent yeah for a year and then 50% after that yeah yeah so he lived down there yeah it was a great time to get a deal for sure wasn't a great time if you were in the bill but if you I mean if you lived in the area great great time great time FEMA paid your rent

yeah I did that I worked I did 9-11 disaster relief honestly yeah they got their rent paid for 18 months with the mortgage rental assistance program yeah

I think the whole neighborhood's been rejuvenated there was no reason to go down there until now well Bobby Kelly who you were just in Cuba with, he did my podcast once, and he had the funniest conspiracy theory.

He said they did it just for the renovation.

Wow.

He was like, it was a conspiracy.

They did it just for the money trade.

He just didn't like the way it looked.

And he was just like, it was just a renovation.

Yeah.

So they called it like

ISIS construction.

And they just wanted to just didn't look good.

What are your holiday traditions?

Hunting up a minimum of six trees?

Decorating every room with a different theme?

Whatever it is, here's one way to make those traditions extra special.

Start the season with Etsy.

On Etsy, you'll discover original pieces from small shops to help you celebrate your way.

Shop Etsy for holiday decor that makes you feel seen.

Special starts on Etsy.

Tap the banner to shop now.

Okay, wait, let's go back.

What else did you get into there?

We did this.

Would you have local foods?

We had local foods

at the restaurant.

So they took us to like a traditional like African, like, so the tribes there, like the Zulu nation is like the big tribe there, and they have, like, political power.

And they're bigger than a tribe called Quest?

They're bigger than a tribe called Quest, which was shocking to me.

Oh, it was, they're bigger than, yeah.

And, you know, tribe called Quest was one of the biggest tribes, and the only tribe that I've ever come in contact with.

Yeah, exactly.

It's the only tribe I've ever known.

Yeah.

There are no tribes around us.

No.

But yeah, the Zulu.

What tribe?

Yeah, and they would, at the restaurant, they would come by with their like traditional African drums and stuff, and they would, like, perform for you.

And then you.

That must have felt.

I know they weren't slaves before, but that must have felt

borderline.

The whole thing felt borderline.

In the place we were staying, the maid was black, and she was wearing like a outfit, like an outfit with like a white.

It just looked, it just was like,

dude, this is like America in the 1930s or 20s.

Like they're behind.

That's where they are.

And you're just not, you don't want to be a part of it.

You're You're just like, I don't want to be white here right now.

Damn, it must be weird, too, because to them, they're like, This is the freest it's ever been.

Yeah, it's like, this is great.

And you're like, this is so unfree.

I'm like, are you?

I actually was like, wanted to be like, you want to, can I, you want me to get you out of here?

Like, I want her to pull her aside and be like, you want me to.

And she'd probably be like, no, it's actually like, great, I'm getting a paycheck or something.

Wow, weird.

Yeah, but like, the outfit was weird.

It bugged all three of us out.

Like, the outfit and just sort of, she lived there.

She was like a live-in maid.

At a hotel.

And it was like a, yeah.

Or at this guy's place?

No, it was, no, it was like a bed-and-breakfast type of residential hotel, but it was like a bed-and-breakfast.

So it was, yeah, it was like residential in a residential area.

So it didn't feel like a hotel.

That was how me and Baby said in Cuba.

Yeah, but she didn't feel, she was, she, she, like, she was the maid, because I think it was owned by the woman, and then she rented out certain things, if I remember correctly.

And yeah, she was that woman's maid.

yeah like the owner and we met the owner and like we would have breakfast at her house and like it was just like a it was like a slave maid damn it was really

so fucking weird and the Zulus when they come and perform and that's how you can do anything about it you can't be indignant and be like I'm stopping this no no and yeah yeah no right no I had I didn't I didn't I did not like it I can see other people going like you know

Maybe I could see how it could corrupt people, like that type of wealth inequality, and people will like it, but that's not me.

I was like,

I don't like this.

I can see how colonization would be good if you're on the colonizer's side.

As long as you don't let any of it in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the side you want to be on.

Yeah, that's the side you really want to be on.

Morally wrong.

You want to be on the laboriously right.

Yeah,

you want to be on the side that's morally wrong in that situation.

There's access to unlimited showers.

Yeah, I mean, being morally right, what does it fucking get you?

What does it get you?

What does it get you?

What does it get you?

At the end of the day,

what do you get from being into justice and fairness?

fairness like what do you get

legitimately yeah you get like one moment where finally after the bad people have been kicking off for centuries you get like finally we pass some bill and this is over after all this carnage and all this exploitation but then by then some new thing is gonna be and you're gonna be evil wait you ate animals yeah you ate living animals yeah that's the one they're coming for everybody they're coming for everybody yeah it might be 25 more years but they're coming for everybody like no i've been a vegetarian since i was in high school yeah and before high school, and before high school, and have you publicly apologized for that?

Yeah.

Are you a vegetarian still?

No, no.

Look, I ate meat right before you got here.

Just straight salami.

All right.

I didn't know if you were doing first person if it was an example.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, but they're coming for me too on that.

Yeah, they are.

They're coming for you for a lot of stuff.

Yeah, college loans for one.

Yeah.

Who's Aaron Schaefer?

That would be.

Do you have you not paid your college loans?

I pay whatever I got to pay.

That's hilarious.

Cut this.

Shut up, Nark.

Yeah, you know what?

It's great.

You got rich and you're still fucking up in condos?

I just stopped unemployment literally three years ago.

I'm telling you, you Jews are sneaky.

I'm that guy with the fucking Riddler outfit.

Like, let me show you what money you can get.

Yeah, yeah.

Some of these are no interest loans.

Uh-huh.

So it's like free money.

Yeah, yeah.

Take it out of my cold, dead hands.

Yeah, but you don't feel like you just want to get rid of it to not deal with the pressure?

Oh, boy.

You are fulfilling a Jewish stereotype right now.

What pressure do you think I live under?

Yeah, that's true.

You don't have kids or anything like that?

No.

So you welcome it.

You're like, yeah, bring that fucking loan check.

When they told me, SAG, the dues didn't accrue if you were late.

I was like, oh, no.

I will wait until I work on another shoot.

And they say, hey, you haven't paid your dues in three years.

You got to pay them.

I'm like, no, I will pay them.

Yeah.

You know what?

I felt a little bit of that.

Sometimes you got to do it.

So

I went to the hospital in San Diego and I went to the hospital in Providence, two liberal states.

And they both sent me ambulance bills.

And I just live in New York.

I just take the bills and rip them up and go, what are you going to do?

My buddy used to go, he used to live here from Pittsburgh, I think.

And this is my father's friend.

So when he was in college, they'd be like, anyone got a ticket in New York, you put it on David's car.

Because they're like, David doesn't have, they have no way of finding someone from Pennsylvania.

Right, right.

So just put it on his car.

If he has a ticket, take it off his car, put it on your car so they don't take you again.

That is a great scam.

That is a great loophole.

Let's go back to Joe Burg.

Yeah.

So, yeah, we went to the Zulu restaurant, and the food was like they give it to you like the bone.

Like, it's like they're just giving you half the animal.

So you just fucking put the animal in the middle.

Did you do anything weird?

Like lions or some shit?

No, we ate steaks.

It was all steak.

We didn't.

I ate the only weird thing I ate was in Norway.

I ate whale.

I ate whale.

I've eaten that.

Yeah.

Whale burger?

I had a whale, like whale carpaccio.

Oh, no.

It was like raw whale.

Tasted like carpaccher.

It was tasted great.

You feel really guilty about it.

You do feel guilty, but it's not in danger there.

I guess not.

They're like, no, no, here it's bad.

Yeah.

I don't understand.

Are we sure it's not in danger there?

I'm pretty sure it doesn't make sense as it's out of my mouth.

Isn't it world in danger?

That kind of thing, yeah.

But how do they eat them there?

Maybe they'll allow them to get a couple.

It's big business over there.

It's big business.

Like whalers.

Like I have a friend from Norway whose dad is like a whaler.

We were telling these migrants that came here.

We had to like.

You were really telling them, get out of here.

Get out of here.

There's a new sheriff in town.

Run for the border.

The government government was doing nothing.

All the parks around my neighborhood was like, let's meet and figure out what we're going to do.

They're not going to do shit.

We got to handle it or it won't get handled.

So they don't know about trash cans where they're from.

So, like, someone's got to learn fucking French or whatever language they speak and tell them about trash cans because they just chuck.

Yeah.

And the opposite is like, if I'm eating an orange and I'm in the woods, part of me feels bad to throw the peels.

But it's like, it's biodegradable.

But I still, being in the city, like, I can't do this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like in Miami.

It's a little wrong to eat Norwegian whale.

Yeah.

I felt a little bad, but it was delicious.

Yeah, it's like the same thing in Miami when

everyone's from another country, and that's why there's a car accident every single day

because they just don't have the same

driving laws that we have.

So they just don't put their blinkers on.

They just go over four lanes and then there's like a fucking helicopter.

When I lived in Miami, every day there was an accident on the highway that I was going to and from work every single day.

And sometimes you'd see them happening.

And it's just because some guy from Venezuela, like, bada, bad,

yeah, they're just from other countries and they're different countries driving next to other countries.

They're like, well, in my country, you can fucking drive.

Dude, I was in Montac, I had to turn my signal on, and a motorcycle driver came up.

He's like, turn your fucking blinker on.

I was like, what?

It wasn't even like I thought I fucked up.

Yeah, yeah.

Here, it's like, you got to put your blinker on.

You got to go.

There's a speed limit here.

You know, people break it.

But, like, we have laws.

Some countries just like don't have laws.

Like Albania.

What were the chicks like in South Africa in Jerusalem?

Did you just go to Johannesburg or did you go anywhere?

Just Johannesburg.

Because I heard Cape Town is a totally different.

Everyone says Cape Town is great.

I've never been to Cape Town.

Honestly, down there, you can't say it's a different animal.

You just got to say it's a different vibe of city.

It's a different vibe of city.

Yeah.

But

what's the difference between a different animal, different vibe of city?

Once you bring in

you don't like animals.

I'd say once you bring in any sort of ethnic people,

you just can't use that terminology.

Oh, right, right, right, right.

All right, right.

Okay, yeah.

It was a different vibe.

Oh, right.

It was a different, it was a different vibe.

Yeah, that's a different vibe, is what people say.

Wait, what were the chicks like?

The chicks are gorgeous.

The black chicks in South Africa are gorgeous.

They're just gorgeous.

Nubian digits.

It's like that milky black.

Like that dark, but smooth.

It's dark black, but smooth, and just like gorgeous.

Like, really, unbelievably gorgeous.

Yeah.

And

the whites, not so much.

The white's not so much.

No, not so much.

Wow.

Yeah, I mean.

They look like this, right?

Yeah, they're just beautiful, man.

Wow.

Yeah, it's just, yeah, that's what you see.

They're really beautiful.

Damn.

Look, this chick's pregnant and hot.

Yeah, I mean, they're just beautiful.

Really, really beautiful.

And yeah, the whites, I mean, the whites, they're all like descendants of like the most brutal Dutch settlers.

Those people were so

yeah, they're Dutch, right?

Yeah, is that what they spoke?

They speak Afrikaner or yeah, the Boers, I think they're called.

And those are the Dutch sleddlers, and they have their own language.

Who was that metal group with that little weird kid they had for a while?

Die Antwerp.

Yeah.

Were they South African?

They were South African.

Were they Afrikaner?

They were Afrikaner, but that was the guy and the girl.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They had that little kid with them.

Yeah.

He probably died or something.

Yeah, he had a weird disease or something like that.

Yeah, I think he broke off from Kid Rock's group.

Joined them for a while.

No, I think it's a different disabled kid.

Agree to disagree, but.

Okay,

but I think that kid died.

Yeah, that kid died.

Yeah.

Is it

Antwerp you're talking about?

Diane Wert.

Yeah, Diane Wert.

Ninja.

Wait,

could you hook up with Angel?

I mean,

you could.

Were you?

I mean, it's legal.

Were you matched up at that time?

I don't think.

Maybe it's frowned upon by some people.

I don't know.

Wait, was interracial wrong there?

Dude, it was apartheid.

Yeah, it was like 20 years later, so they hadn't

apartheid.

You couldn't even go.

Yeah, you couldn't interact.

You think there was any cutting edge?

You remember stories of the Cotton Club here?

Where Batman's parents got killed, where it's like some people were intermingling.

Got to, for sure.

There must have been that there, right?

Maybe, yeah.

The arts.

Must have made the sex so much hotter, just like knowing that it was like

it was very illegal.

Could you?

Were there hookers?

Wait, were you with your chick then or not?

At that time, I think I was with Jesse Maypeluso.

I think we were were dating.

Oh, yeah, I think at that point.

So that must have been 2010.

I had a girlfriend there.

I didn't hook up with anybody.

You did not?

I did not hook up with anybody, no.

And we were with these Greeks the whole time.

They were showing us around.

So they took us to a casino and they took us to restaurants.

And we went to the city.

One of the fucking smoothest skinned people in the world and one of the hairiest people in the world.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, between us, it was a normal amount of hair.

I forgot you were with Jesse Mae.

Yeah, I think it was with Jesse May at this time.

That's not a chick to cheat on, by the way.

That's a cut, you girl.

Yeah, yeah.

Especially back then.

I don't know if she's calmed down, but that's a cut-you girl.

Yeah, I mean, you know, we broke up, so you know how much, you know how much puss I passed on when I was with her?

God, that sucks.

You do your mental

that one?

It sucks more than you know.

So I was with her.

It sucks more than you know.

I was with Jesse May from

it, it sucks way more than you know.

I was with her

Maurice, the character Maurisa, took off in 2011, right?

So I was with Jesse May

the whole couple first years.

We would do these shows,

and it was the hottest fucking Puerto Rican and Latin women that you've ever seen in your life.

And they were all over me

taking pictures, fucking loving me.

And I didn't cheat on her once.

Not once.

Not fucking once.

I was so in love with that girl.

Wow.

And it was...

Oh, yeah, they must have been all over you.

It was all over me, me and it was for a couple of years and it was it was a specific demographic that loved that character and they were the hottest chicks that you've ever seen in your fucking life.

And they would hit on me in front of their boyfriends.

They'd take pictures and they'd like, they kissed me and kissed me on the cheek.

Because they're kissing a character?

No, they take pictures with me because it no, but they just loved me for the character.

It was like bananas.

Like when that character came out and she would come out there and go, ah,

and I was just with Jesse May.

I'd have Jesse May.

she owes you like three three current blow jobs for that yeah i think so i think some retroactions like three like every year and a half or so yeah she owes me she owes me that's a good point yeah that's a good point thank you yeah i hope my wife never finds this in my algorithm

wait hang on i'm trying a new setup switch seats with me okay tell me what you think of this seat that was the original i'm trying these chairs now had them on the outside and had them there What do you think's better?

What do you mean?

Like, what do you feel better in?

Because I got another one of these chairs and another one of those chairs.

I I love that chair.

You like this?

Yeah.

This I'm just put in.

I think this is better.

I think that's better.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This feels...

This is good too, though.

Yeah, I mean, I've been using that every episode.

This is the first time here.

Why, did anyone complain about the chairs?

No, I had these and I'm like, I should switch them in.

Plus, I can attach these to this and get rid of this shit.

Yeah.

Or do something.

I don't know.

I mean, it feels good to me.

I mean, they both feel good, but that's a nicer chair.

You like this?

Yeah, I think it's a nicer chair.

It's a more sleek chair.

It looks more like a Scandinavian airport kind of waiting area chair.

Yeah, right.

This kind of looks like you got it.

Well, I went for like lounge, but.

Are you going for like cigar lounge?

Cigar lounge, yeah.

Yeah.

And now let me ask you a question, too.

What's better?

That?

Or

this,

full facing each other.

But you were too.

This is more like we're playing a game show.

This is, right.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's a little too adversarial.

Yeah, plus you want to cheat out to the people a little bit.

Yeah.

Burt has couch, couch.

So he does straight, but it's two couches, so you can really lie however you want.

Yeah.

Anyway, I'm fucking with it.

Yeah, no, this is good.

Yeah.

But yeah, South African women were absolutely incredible.

Absolutely incredible.

What do you wish you had done there that you didn't do?

Fucked a South African girl.

Yeah, I wish I would have fucked a South African girl.

I wish I would have fucked a native South African girl.

And it would have been great.

And then I would have fucking moved to South Africa and raised the most little Trevor Noah.

You ever hear Ian Edwards been about

whatever, half and half people?

Maybe the ugliest father and the ugliest mother, but if they're both different breeds,

yeah, something about that.

And he goes, You're telling me your mother is Oprah Winfrey, your father is Gollum from Lord of the Race, and you are a dime.

Something about the mix.

Yeah, the mix.

Because, yeah, that's something you guys.

Lisa Bonet?

Yeah, your people just are not big on that.

No, we don't.

God.

And so it's kind of grody.

You got to mix up the gene pool.

Otherwise, you get hot between like 16 and 28.

Yeah.

It's like their whole hotness level.

Yeah.

And then it's just done hard, fast.

Yeah, I mean, this is like, look how close my eyes are together.

They're wrong close.

Yeah, they're like, it looks like gravity's pulling them into my nose.

You look like Millhouse took out his glasses.

I look like a Cyclops.

Yeah.

Wow.

I look like a blind stand-in for John Stamp.

It's, that's what you need to separate the gene pool.

People need to, and it's also good for the immune system.

That's why it's great.

People are traveling and everything.

Yeah.

Because scientists say the farther away from your gene pool that you marry, the healthier immune system the kid has.

So I should have fucking fucked a black chick in South Africa, moved there, broke up with Jesse Mae, and just we would have had like a Jesse May was Italian, right?

Jesse May is like Italian and Irish.

That's pretty far.

Syracuse, girl.

Okay, well, that's pretty close.

Yeah.

Italian and Greek.

Yeah.

And Irish.

Well, that's pretty far off.

Yeah.

South Africa is wild, too, because it's like...

You know,

it's down here and it's like cool.

And then you go up, like, you just, imagine, like, just neighboring all these countries that just, I mean, I bet you the the Democratic Republic of Congo is a place that is just kind of a little, it's a little dangerous.

A little dangerous.

The ones that don't touch any, look how much coastline they have.

Yeah.

Just like a little,

just right at the very, very edge.

Just right there.

Right there.

The Deputy Nile?

No.

No, the Nile, dude.

Wait, and the White Nile.

Does it keep going?

The Blue Nile?

There's the Nile.

What the fuck's Blue Nile, White Nile?

This is the Nile River.

The Nile's not a river in Egypt.

This is where civilization and everything, right?

Here's where I feel worse.

Euphrates and the Tigris.

This is where we all started, right there.

Yeah.

Right there.

I feel bad for Lesotho, though.

They're just inside South Africa.

Never even heard of Lesotho.

Also, can we maybe do something with that name?

Yeah, change up.

Change up Niger.

Yeah, can we do something with Niger?

Niger.

Yeah, change that up.

Change that up.

We're all trying our best here, but like, you got to give me a hand up.

Yeah.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, I'll go to the workout, but, like, unlock the gym.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I can't believe that country is still called Niger yeah yeah that's a problem that's a mistake yeah it's really too it's too close yeah yeah it's not really fun oh what

bro

okay sorry what happened I fucking have been trying to fucking remember this for seven fucking six years seven years bro

can you believe how big Russia is and me and Ari were both saying that we cannot believe how big Kazakhstan is imagine being that big

and just like

not being a place anyone wants to go.

Like, it's kind of a waste of land.

What's this?

This is your wedding present.

I've been had it for so fucking.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

I've had it for so fucking long.

It was like I was going to give it to you and then like

and then COVID.

I've moved with that thing three fucking times.

This should be in a museum.

I mean, it's five, six years.

What is it?

It's funny.

So this is from that long ago or did you just do this now?

No, shortly.

I mean, in a month or two after.

I don't know.

Maybe right afterwards.

Yeah, I was like, oh, I got to get him something.

Oh, my God.

All right.

I don't have a full memory of what it is, to be honest.

I don't have.

I was just like,

every time I move, like, what is this?

I'm like, I'm fucking Giannis.

Let's see.

Okay.

May your love be eternal.

And it's nice.

It's a guy.

I do remember that.

I do remember that.

Dear Giannis,

I have very little respect for your comedy.

That's not what it says.

No fucking comedy.

I'm not that big of a fan.

I've heard.

Let me read it, dude.

No way.

Some people say good things, some people say bad.

I agree with the people who say bad.

I'm also not really a fan of your ethnic group or your people.

I'm currently trying to think

of a video that I can do that could really disparage them because I'd really like to get those diner monkeys angry at me.

You know why I never did an amazing race about Greeks?

What?

Because who gives a fuck about Greeks?

That's a good point.

It's a good point.

Yo, what did I say?

You're never going to make it in this business, and your eyes are too close together, you fat, ugly Greek slob.

I only came to this wedding because I wanted to fucking hang out with some of the other cool people here.

How small did I write?

You wrote very small.

Yeah.

Thank God Soder and Vecchion were here, so I had someone to talk to while I went through this goddamn Greek wedding where you did yourself.

What a fun time away.

Strange dances, and you guys all smell.

What a fun time it was.

Here is a box full of fucking axe body spray to spray you Greeks away.

No, he says, I'm so happy for you guys.

Thanks for letting me be a part of it.

Such a beautiful night.

Love Ari on the other side.

Yeah.

Love Ari.

Yeah.

I remember

your arm was in a sling.

You had a

from skiing, probably.

I remember

Manola sat next to

how funny was Manola's coming like he was a retarded game.

I mean, he's so close to being.

He got nicked a little bit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's

pretty much on the same scale, but different than Shane.

But like Shane has the look.

Manolis has the feel.

Manola's kind of fucking.

But he said, he said,

he came in like a big Lagowski suit.

He goes to Nate.

Nate was just starting to like,

just starting to maybe do small theaters or something.

I forget back then where he was.

And he goes, hey, Manila's sitting here and Nate was sitting here.

And Manolis goes, hey, wait, you're Nate Bargatzi?

After like, you know, 30, 40, an hour sitting there.

And he goes, Yeah, he goes, Dude, my friends all say you're one of the most prolific comedians working today.

And Nate goes, like, oh,

cool, thanks.

What do you do with that?

And he goes, well, I got a question for you.

What's prolific mean?

Nate, they ate it up.

I thought that was the funniest thing I've ever read in my life.

Nate was probably, I don't know.

I actually don't know.

I actually don't know.

He's hoping you'd

I never do.

I don't know.

Manolis had white sports socks on

and like

real thrift store, like Sperry top series.

It was a black tie event.

And then we took him on the bus.

No, we took him on the fucking wedding party

shuttle.

It was a black tie event.

He was like, he had no way to get from the wedding to the thing.

He was just like, can I come with you guys?

So it was like the wedding party and Manolis.

What a beautiful fucking wedding party.

And I already had my special needs brother there, and then I had to watch two.

Can I open this up to God?

Yeah, I do remember what it is now.

Okay, look.

I've had it for so fucking long.

You can tell the wrapping paper is like old.

Yeah.

Sorry.

COVID hit, and then when I moved, I went to Ecuador.

That's true.

Yeah, you've been out of the countries.

I mean, you haven't gotten any venereal diseases from those things.

You would think.

I might be immune.

Yeah.

Because you would think.

You would think you got something.

All right, so it's in an Amazon box.

Let me get your fucking

fragile.

Let me get to a.

I mean, it's going to be fucking great.

There we go.

I have.

Where are the fuck are those scissors?

Okay.

Sorry, man.

Here we go.

My bad.

My bad.

Thank you, by the way.

This is great.

You're welcome.

Thanks for inviting me.

What a fun time it was.

We all watched a UFC one night.

I remember one of the rooms.

Yeah.

Not one night.

That night.

Sal, DeStefano came to join us.

Do you think this is the first time someone's got a wedding gift six years after the wedding?

How long?

It's been six years.

On the podcast?

Yeah.

Who was it?

See yeah, bro.

That is, I would say, outside of the proper amount of time.

I think you have up to a year.

Even one year is like, come on, get it there.

Bring it to the bed.

I would have never even known.

I would have never even remembered.

I would have never known.

But this is nice.

This is very thoughtful that you did that.

You're welcome.

Well, by the way, while you're opening it, do you have any travel tips in general?

Travel tips?

Yeah.

Yeah, just stay away from a few countries.

I don't want to get this shit all over the place.

Go for it.

It doesn't matter.

I'm the maid here.

Okay.

The fuck is this?

Oh, my God.

It has our names on it.

Did you make this?

I sure did, buddy.

You did?

Yeah, I made it for you guys.

That's really thoughtful.

This is like a...

So this is like a...

You went and did an arts and crafts thing?

Yeah.

This is hilarious.

You actually spent time on this gift.

Spent a lot of time.

I'm not an arts or a crafts.

My whole art is jokes about penises.

Wait, you're one of the most fascinating fucking guys I know.

So let me get this straight.

Yeah.

Were you taking a class already, or did you take a class specifically to make us a wedding gift?

I took a class and said, What am I gonna do with this class?

And I go, Oh, I know, I'll make a gift for it wasn't like I gotta get them something, I'll take a class for this, but they had these classes, and it was like, Oh, great, I'll do that, and I'll make them a present for this.

And you bubble-wrapped it?

Yeah, I bubble, I might have gotten help with the bubble-wrapping.

You really

throwing something from the Titanic.

Holy shit, with with the Greek flag in it.

Oh, yeah.

Look at that.

Dude,

this is beautiful.

Look at this.

This is so nice.

It's like a serving piece.

It's my favorite wedding gift.

It's a serving piece.

And you didn't even remember it because you could have told me you have a gift from me like over any of these years.

I was going to give it to you.

I kept forgetting.

And then I move.

And then it got, you know, how stuff gets in the back of the closet?

Yeah.

And then you're like, ah, fuck.

I haven't seen that thing in a year.

Holy shit.

True love forever.

Thank God you guys are together still.

I know, right?

If you're like, are I actually even talking?

Yeah, you'd have to find another friend named Giannis.

And then just pretend you're

painted that.

This is, I mean, you took time.

This is actually, I think, the most special gift we got because this comes from the heart.

You made it.

You put time into this.

I am going to cherish this forever.

You know when they say, like, this was the first battle of World War II?

Yeah.

Or this was the last, but Turkey was the last war of World War II.

Yeah.

This is the final.

Your wedding is officially over now.

How it's officially over.

This is nuts.

I love the flag in the bottom.

You're Greek.

Yeah, we're Greeks.

Yeah.

That's amazing.

That's crazy.

Love Ari on the bottom.

You remember that part?

Oh, now you're not.

That is.

You are an interesting guy.

Congratulations on your wedding, buddy.

Man, thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I always really liked you, so I invited you because we don't hang out all the time no it was a last-minute invite that yeah kind of the first time we really hung out was at your wedding yeah but we we'd spend some time and i just not too much though no not too much no and i was just like i really just always enjoyed you

yeah i just think you're a great guy so yeah i mean you know i call them the normal people of comedy

like oh he's normal he's normal yeah yeah i just get it we're all just kind of yeah

it's just yeah i always liked you so i'm thank you for coming you're welcome and thank you for giving me a gift it was a fun wedding right it was so great yeah it was um what was that place can you called?

Can you tell me?

It was called the Ojika Castle.

It was like the Luxembourg Gardens in Paris.

It has an interesting story, and you should know about it because it's a very cool thing for your people.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know about the history of it?

No.

The guy's name was Otto Kahn, who owned it, and he was this rich dude, and he was very rich, and they wouldn't let him in to the country clubs because he was Jewish.

So he said, fuck you.

And he built like the biggest mansion on Long Island and his own fucking golf course.

That's what we did.

He was like, fuck.

That's what we did.

We're like, that sucked.

Yeah.

Let's feel it for a day.

Now let's make our own country clubs.

Yeah, and he just fucking,

he was a real interesting guy who didn't give a fuck and was like tough.

And like, yeah, I like hearing stuff like that.

Yeah.

Whoa.

Yeah.

So that was the history of that.

It was cool.

Auto Khan's Mansion.

I think that's what Gaza's all about.

They just want more country clubs there.

Maybe.

I think that could be it.

Yeah.

But that place is an interesting place.

And yeah, Long Island is just, there's a lot of mafia.

It was so weird.

But getting out there was fucking great.

Place has just got a thing there.

Even the hotel we stayed at, I'm remembering this now was pretty epic.

Did you stay there at the castle?

Not at the castle.

There was a hotel nearby.

I think we put it right up and it was like windy roads to get.

Maybe I'm mixing up with someone else's wedding.

Yeah.

You've smoked a lot of weed in your day.

It's not crazy that you're.

No, I'm thinking of Joe Liss.

Yeah.

It was in.

Who was in Tanzania.

I should I can't believe I didn't invite Joe List.

No, not Joe List, it wasn't Joe List.

How did I invite you and not Joe List?

Right?

Yeah, you knew him way longer.

Yeah, I bet he's lost.

He didn't invite me to his.

Okay,

I'm gonna have an honor.

Yeah, all right, we gotta wrap this up.

I gotta go to skanks.

And you came last minute.

I remember you were like, I don't know if I can make it, but then you were like, you invited me like two weeks out.

I was like, oh, hell yeah.

Let me try.

Yeah, yeah, you did make it.

It was great.

Didn't have a car?

No.

It was a cool weekend.

It was such a fucking fun weather.

Yeah.

Joe Bartnick was pregame in the weekend.

Bartnick got lit up.

He got lit up and he spilled wine on my wife's wedding dress.

Yeah.

When he was hugging her, he was like, ah!

You know, he's like this big fucking brooding.

He was just like, ah, and he hugged her and his wine spilled up.

Yeah.

Wow.

So I don't know.

I mean,

was the story enough?

No, that was totally good.

We had to cut it short.

Anything else crazy happened there?

No, that was it.

It was a cool vibe of it.

That I wouldn't have thought of until you told me, but the fucking disparity and the bubbling rage that you described would be like, whoa.

Every time we stopped at a stoplight, there was like people there, like poverty.

Every stoplight, there's like someone without shoes who's like begging for money.

And they always talk about carjacking.

What were we supposed to do?

Just keep it.

They just say, yeah, you keep the locks closed, and they're just like holding their guns.

Because the car just come with guns.

Carjack is at stoplights or

and sometimes they just drive through red lights because they're scared of getting carjacked like someone's coming yeah or cars yeah cars will come up like that and so that was another thing i then now i remember they would drive through red lights like in certain areas you just drive through red lights they wouldn't stop at red lights and then all the cops and they this is an unfortunate reality about that area i'm not saying this because i but they just didn't because the cops were black and they they say that the cops are corrupt and so sometimes the cops will look the other way or participate.

Oh, wow.

They just, it almost feels like the white people there now, like, they have all the money and power, but they don't have a lot of the political power.

And all the cops are black now.

So it's like, it's just this fucking weird place that has this history that's very recent.

And all those issues are still like right on the surface.

And you can't escape.

It's just, that's what you experience it.

You know, it's like, I wonder what changed 20 years out from end of apartheid to 35 years out from.

I wonder what it's like now.

Yeah, I wonder what it's like now.

I wonder.

What do you think?

I bet close to this thing?

I think we just read.

I think

those are recent stats.

Those are so-called trip stats.

Yeah, those are so think about 15 years ago, it was probably even more.

Yeah, at least one black guy.

They're like, you're allowed to play the lottery now.

So the city used to be all white people in the city.

Now, when you go to the city, all black.

And like, no white people go to the city.

Like, the downtown area is all black.

And all the white people are like away in the suburbs.

And the city is all black.

That's why America is so much better.

Our homeless people who have taken over are mixed races.

Yeah.

All sorts of things.

You look at San Francisco, it's not like a black problem.

That is like really a drug problem.

We do have a diverse group.

Like, yeah, and that's why maybe the whole DEI movement never complained about homeless people because they're like, they were of every race.

They were of every race.

Yeah, they are very DEI.

Yeah.

So that's good.

Yeah.

That happens naturally.

People down in their luck,

it's everybody.

Anywhere else you're looking to travel to?

What's like on your mind that you really have to?

You don't want to over-travel?

Like, I'll never do that.

I'm never doing that.

There's no place you're like, I want to go.

Even vacation-y.

I want to go to Monaco.

Great.

I want to go to fucking Monaco.

Where's that?

Monaco is fucking.

Is that its own country?

Yeah, Monaco.

Yeah, where's Monaco?

French.

There's Monaco right there.

And that's its own.

That's France.

Yeah, it's France.

It's France and Italy.

It's like right in Italy.

It's its own country?

It's its own country.

Oh, interesting.

It's a gambling country.

It's a city.

No, it's a city, but it's like has its own country.

Is it a city country, like Singapore?

It's a city country, yeah.

It's like a weird thing.

Singapore's like that, right?

Yeah.

And it's just rich and boats.

And you know, Tim went there, of course.

Tim went there.

Yeah, I was trying to think of like who would let that's a Tim place.

Yeah, and but I would always tell him, why don't you got so much money, just go live in Monaco?

If I got the money, if I get a lot of money, I'm fucking just leaving my family.

I'm just going to Monaco.

I'm putting on linen pants and I'm just putting on one of those hats and I'm just living in Monaco and drinking like little

aperitifs.

You get like the Greek fat, just the belly belly fat.

Just the belly fat.

No shirt.

Thin arms, belly.

Yeah, yeah.

Smoke a cigarette.

I'm just going to become European in Monaco.

Wow.

That'll be it.

Yeah, that's what Joey Diaz said after Rogan signed his deal.

He goes, you move to fucking Austin, you puke, you dumbass.

Go for a fucking house in the Amalfi Coast and call it quits.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Yeah, I mean, do we stop at some point or what do we do?

I don't know.

Yeah.

At what point?

At what point?

Yeah, what is it?

You are going to enjoy this when you have a cane.

Yeah, have you thought about it?

Like, how long?

How long do you want to go?

Along the way.

80, 90?

With work?

With comedy.

I'm going to keep doing stand-up until I don't want to do it anymore.

Well, and that could be 80 or 90, right?

Like George Burns.

I just won't go on the road.

I'll be like, I'm just going to stay home and do this.

Yeah, the issue becomes the road.

Yeah, if I had like Seinfeld money or even I talked to Rogan about this, he's like, well, I just like doing stand-up.

So his agents and managers are like, come on, let's go out to this place, do a theater there, do an arena there.

And he goes, but I just like doing stand-up.

So I don't need any money.

What am I going to make for that?

$100,000?

I have 200 of those.

Yeah.

I don't need that.

So I'd rather just do it at home.

I'd rather drive into a spot than at all deal with a plane.

Right, right, right.

And what do you mean?

Let them come to me.

I'm just doing a stand-up.

That's the dream.

That's the dream.

Doing stand-up every night.

Whenever you want, drive in, drive out.

I had that exact same feeling without all the money.

As long as you want.

I was at the stand the other night and I was like, I love doing stand-up.

I love driving and doing stand-up.

Yeah, I I don't love traveling anymore.

And then I went, oh, yeah, I don't have the money that he has.

Right, right.

So it's like, yeah,

I don't even have the money that he doesn't have.

You think if Rogan's ever forgot to pick up like a check of over $100,000?

You ever leave a club and be like, oh, I didn't get paid?

I'm sure they'll wire it.

But like, oh, I should have gotten that.

It would be funny to go to dinner with him and him go, like, all right, who's putting it?

That would be funny.

He'd be like, come on.

He'd be like, that wasn't the deal.

We had an understanding.

That would be funny if he was just like, all right, so we're splitting this four ways.

Paul used to take us out to nice places.

I'd be like, you guys just cover the tip.

And we're like, we can't do that, Paulie.

We would have gone on subway.

We would have gone to subway.

The tip is over 20.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But that is a pressure when you're the richest guy, right?

Like, everyone just kind of pretends to reach.

What do you even do with Rogan?

Do you like.

I've only been to barbecue with him once, and I didn't even, I just assumed.

I like to try to help him other ways.

Money's not going to be any effective at all.

So it's like, I'll make sure to go get a coffee or something if I'm going.

Like, what do you guys want?

One time I got him and Goldie a fucking, how long ago it was, the hot dogs at the UFC.

Yeah.

I was like, yeah, I brought you guys home.

I'm like, oh, fuck you out of there.

Because they're working for six and a half hours.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

But like,

money ain't it.

If you go to dinner, you're not going to be like, all right,

he also doesn't get it.

It's like, it doesn't, he's, he's smart.

He's like, that doesn't matter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like, but just, you know, you don't, don't take advantage.

And then, like,

yeah, it's like, oh, don't make me wasn't lying to Starbucks.

You got, you were right there.

You couldn't have got me one.

Right.

That makes sense.

Yeah.

Like little favor, friend favor stuff.

Yeah.

That makes sense.

Yeah.

Money's not going to offering to pay.

It's just, he's just like, all right, put that away.

It's almost embarrassing.

It's embarrassing.

Put that little gun away.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was at Marcello and he fucking paid for this great night out.

And then we went to food later and I was like, I was like, let me get there.

Cause you don't have to like, I saw how much you pay.

Let me get the $60.

Let me live like a thing for a long time.

I remember you did that to me, and I insisted on paying when we went to the game oh yeah and i was like let me and i we actually went to a like cash machine you're like you don't need to do this and i just like with i was like it's weird it's not taken i don't take buddies i was like you just you know and i just did it i was just like that's like you know i just felt like it was right because you got the tickets i gave you something for the tickets you don't need to it's fine it was like i got the i didn't pay for them i got them yeah oh you didn't even pay for them i don't remember actually

just gave you money for nothing where were the tickets they were the hockey game no no no dude you it was baseball you're like yeah you playoffs yeah yeah yeah You're like a dog in the moment.

Like, you have no memory.

I don't know if it's long COVID or something.

I can't remember anything.

It might be nice that way, though.

Oh, it's great.

I hear stories again and again and again for the first time.

Yeah.

Do you want to get maybe scared?

Maybe you got early onset.

I hope not.

I think it's just weed.

It's weed.

How much weed do you smoke?

How much weed do I smoke, and how many books have I read in a decade?

Yeah.

Two.

And all for the first question.

Yeah, but also a baseball game with me is not as memory.

Doable as probably four, four months ago.

No, I paid for those.

four.

That was pre-that was pre-yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

Those weren't cheap tickets, yeah.

That's true.

Thank you.

I appreciate it.

Yeah, yeah, I pay.

I fucking was like, let me fucking pay.

But you were totally like, didn't, you were like, duh.

And then I, and then you were almost inconvenient.

You were always like, this is worse.

I had to go to like a machine and get it.

I got it right here.

You were just like, fucking.

One time I saw Renazisi after it was, we were all in Vegas.

He was at the Palms.

I got to go.

And we were, what time is it?

Oh, yeah.

It's 8.15.

I got to go.

Yeah.

shit and uh and um renozes with the palms we were we were doing UFC and we all met up whatever let's all go out Renazisi and maybe Duck Benson something we're all going gotten a limo they're like we'll get a limo for you mr.

Rogan and and Steve's like I'll pay for it and Joe's like no no don't tell it it's fine it's fine he's like Joe let me pay goes you really don't have to go Joe I'm in between season two and three of a sitcom that I'm a star of let me get it and he goes oh Yeah, all right.

Go ahead.

That's cool.

Yeah.

But he's just like, Sal's the worst.

Sal's like, oh, why did you pay for the Starbucks?

I I should have paid for it.

You're like, buddy,

it's just the coffee.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, I gotta go.

All right, thank you.

That was fucking awesome.

It makes me not want to go to South Africa.

Oh, yeah.

People, I mean, go to Cape Town.

If you're gonna go to South Africa, that would be my travel tip.

Go to Cape Town.

I think you should cape down everybody's doing this and just going.

Yeah, yeah.

But maybe I have it wrong.

No, I think so.

All right.

Thank you.

Well, that was the episode, everybody.

What a fun time in South Africa.

If you really get away from the

racism down there, the history of racism.

It seems like a great place.

Apartheid.

Apartheid?

Don't forget to check out Giannis Papa's new hour, property owner.

It's on the History of Hyenas

YouTube channel.

Also, their podcast is on there.

One of the funnest podcasts around.

You guys, I'm sure, if you haven't watched it yet, you will get a kick out of it.

Giannis Rules.

Giannis Rules.

Anyway, that's it.

Myself, I'm in Charlestown, West Virginia on July 12th, and I'm in Anchorage, Alaska on June 18th.

Get tickets at riskfear.com.

Bad news, you guys.

Bad news from my...

friends from

my friends from Queensland.

Lost game one of state State of Origin in Brisbane.

That's a tough loss.

Two years running now.

You've got to win that game, guys.

No one knows what State of Origin is.

It's wild.

I planned my entire tour around it last year in Australia.

It is a North versus South rugby match, more or less.

I'm simplifying this, but it's a North versus South rugby match.

And it's brother versus brother.

Mate versus mate.

State versus state.

That's what it is.

State versus state, mate versus mate.

So these guys are teammates all year round, and then they play a three-game series, one in Brisbane, one in Sydney, and one on a neutral territory.

Melbourne's one I went to.

Nope, went to Sydney.

Sorry.

We got yelled at.

Me and Nick Cody got yelled at.

A bunch.

More Nick Cody

for wearing this maroon

in Sydney.

Yeah, and it's crazy.

They're teammates all year round, and they're just punching each other in the face because they're playing for their own.

It's nuts.

It's what the Olympics should be, to be honest, in basketball and stuff.

There should be more fights in the Olympics.

NBA players, you guys are pussies.

You should be fighting each other way more.

You think Giannis Atakapos?

I know he's your teenman, but now he's playing for Greece and you're playing for America and you should punch him in the fucking face.

That's it, I guess today's episode was edited by Alan Caffeys, produced by your mom's house network.

I

have nothing else to add, you guys.

That's it.

Let's just end the episode today and get on our way.

Next week, shit.

Who did I have on next week?

I know this one.

I know this one.

I got it today.

Boom.

That's Giannis.

And the next one is Chris O'Connor on next week's episode of You Be Trippin takes us to,

damn, not Cuba.

Denmark.

Denmark.

Be a good one.

All right, guys, that's it.

Thank you for tuning in.

Please subscribe wherever you're watching or listening.

Hit that subscribe button.

Do me a favor.

It'll make me feel better.

That's it.

See you next week, everybody.

You'd be tripping.

Every week, if you don't know this, you go to a different place

with a different guest who's been there and just tells you about it.

It's not really much what you're supposed to do, it is pretty much just what they did.

It's a travel podcast, it's not a travel guide.

See you next week, everybody.