Work Visas w/ Ari Matti | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

loves a challenge.

It's why she lifts heavy weights

and likes complicated recipes.

But for booking her trip to Paris, Olivia chose the easy way with Expedia.

She bundled her flight with a hotel to save more.

Of course, she still climbed all 674 steps to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

You were made to take the easy route.

We were made to easily package your trip.

Expedia, made to travel.

Flight-inclusive packages are at all protected.

Dude, I love this map.

Every time I see a map or like this stuff, because I used to backpack so much, I always feel like every time I see Bolivia, I'm like, why haven't I been in Bolivia?

Why haven't been Bolivia?

Why am I not in Bolivia?

Why am I here?

Dude, Harlan came into mine, and there's in my New York City, there's a way bigger map, way clear

countries.

And he's looked, yeah, you got to look at it.

He just draws the eye, right?

And I go, which one of these have you been to?

He goes, all of them.

And I was like, no, which ones?

He goes, oh, buddy, all of them.

Really?

I was like, what?

I've been through a lot.

Yeah, all in Europe.

But sometimes, yeah, you'll see something that you haven't heard of, but you see it on a map and you're like, actually, this seems dope.

Yeah, sometimes it's like the Guyanas and those things.

Oh, that's there?

Oh.

I was in Indonesia and I was like,

he goes, you're going to go see the Komodo dragons?

I was like, where are those?

He goes, in this country.

And I was like, oh, where?

He goes, like, two islands over.

Exactly.

What?

It's been a dream.

He goes, well, how did you not know?

I'm like,

I don't know.

I didn't know where.

That's not the videos I see.

All I see from Indonesia is the white chicks in Bali doing a travel blog.

What a different vibe.

It's Komodo Island and the Indonesian Bali dress girls.

Dude, when I went to Bali and I saw all those Australian people tearing up that city, you know, just partying, and all the local Indonesians hating on them, I remember being like, well, the bombings make sense.

Where you been and where you going?

This is our Reece Travel Show.

Yeah, we're going to talk about travel today.

It's you'll be tripping,

yeah.

Oh, I thought fuck, yeah, I know.

I think it does,

but it doesn't.

That's not exactly a lottery, that's not exactly the all right.

Let's pick a spot.

Yeah, it's not.

I do want to do one of those where you put then you go.

I need more time and just feel like, let's go, and then just go right to the airport.

I need like a two weeks.

I should have done this now.

I know, June, when I was my next travel dream of uh um

was when I was talking to a guy, it was in uh Spain, and and I was talking to a guy who's also a backpacker at the hostel.

Yeah.

And he,

so he talks to me about,

he only takes boats.

Wow.

And I go, huh.

And in my head, I see, it's like a waste of time, no?

But then he tells me about this, about, I mean, imagine when you arrive to a country, it's like when you arrive by plane, the airport, the check-in in, you get a whole, then you go straight to the city.

That's a whole different experience that also the human race has only experienced.

We're the first generation, by the way,

just to be like,

Of course, air travel existed more, but I mean, generation, we're the first ones that are actually, you connect, you put the shoes off the thing.

But by boat or by train, that's if you arrive ashore, that ignites a different part of your nervous system that generationally goes back.

It's like riding a horse.

My dad came here on a boat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And people that have done that.

I don't know.

A thousand?

Maybe.

1492?

Yeah.

No, not quite.

Not quite.

Yeah.

But at least multiple generations of that feeling of reaching ashore.

And imagine how also.

It is cooler when you get a land border or

ocean border.

Ocean border.

And imagine how you experience the country.

You come in

from a whole different angle, a whole different experience.

And it's like riding a horse, you know?

Like when you ride a horse, there's a part part in the back of your DNA that activates where you go, oh, this synergy has existed for a long time between this animal and me, you know?

Same thing with, I think, with when you go by boat.

So this guy's explaining, then I started reading books.

But it's a millionaire thing more.

That's probably why I get hard when I ride horses.

Uh-huh.

Because you've fucked them.

I know.

I got to talk to the neuroscientist about that, but there's something there.

There's a connection there.

There's a connection.

Yeah.

I don't know.

So that's the next thing I want want to do.

You ever get a boner when you're cuddling with a dog in the morning?

When a cat sits on my lap and starts massage.

You know,

it's involuntary.

Cats start doing this thing.

When you start doing this thing around my dick, no matter what species you are.

How come chicks aren't doing that more?

There'll be a reaction.

Oh, yeah.

Chicks are the.

Chicks never know what to do.

Get with it, chicks.

Yeah.

Up your game.

Dude, a cat, yeah, on your lap with the rear feet.

Massaging.

Yeah.

Hard as a ball.

It's rock, brother.

You ever get like a super hat chick and she's and then you don't get as hard?

Oh, like for a fat chick, and the super hat chick says, What's going on?

You're like, right?

I don't know.

I know, 100%.

I love a yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um,

yeah, when you cuddle a fat chick and you feel that you put your dick, okay, anyway.

You know, it's like when it's damn, anyway.

Um, it's just softer and better, and it feels better.

It feels better.

When I feel a bone on your body, you don't want that.

You don't want that.

Yeah, it looks good on

pictures.

I want a fatty bomb battle on her period.

So she's sweating.

So she's sweating in bed.

That heat.

It's like a radiator.

Have you ever cuddled with a...

What's it called?

With a...

Not a bleeding one.

There's a word for

heat.

In heat, yeah.

Wait, they get hotter?

Hot.

Sweaty.

Sweaty.

Hot.

Like a radiator.

That's not a thing.

Well, I'm from a cold country.

It's definitely a thing.

Trust me, I know more about heat sources than you.

Fair.

Fair.

Trust me.

Welcome to Yubi Tripping, everybody.

It's a travel podcast, the only travel podcast that has been

endorsed by the Eastern Bloc country as not harsh enough.

My guest today is

the new number one Ari in town, Ari Mati.

Oh, the new number one.

He's hilarious.

Two decades being the only Ari.

Well, there was Ari Manis.

Ari Manis.

No one gave a fuck about him.

And they still don't.

He had to rebrand all his Ari number twos to Ari number three.

Also, Ari Matty, Ari Manis.

I'm a nightmare for this guy.

If I'm a spy, he's like, Why'd you pick this name?

Like, did you literally Google?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Today's episode is sponsored by Messicop.

When you're looking for imported chocolates, look no further than Messi Cop.

It's,

I, what does that mean?

Like,

honeycomb.

No, no, up there.

What?

A little frog thing.

What does it mean?

It means it's the best in the world, probably.

Oh.

Like a rainforest alliance.

Okay, so like not, they don't like cut down trees for this.

Yeah.

Honeycomb.

We'll lead someone in a second.

Ari, thanks for joining us.

You, I would say, am I the first?

Probably not.

Am I the first American comic you met?

No.

Of course not.

But

the way I met you was definitely a very

weird.

I was doing gigs with William Childress in Cambodia.

Yeah.

And you were the one who was like, he's the number one architect comedian.

Yeah.

Exactly.

He's the number one number one architect comedian.

Yeah.

Also, have you had him on?

You know, he has a crazy story.

I have had him on about.

You know, know, he used to live in Myanmar.

Yeah.

You know that?

No, that's where I met him.

He gave me all these tips from Myanmar.

While he's living in Myanmar, he brought me to Thailand.

That's insane, dude.

Yeah.

He lived a crazy one, too.

He's doing opium at the fucking.

Oh, I didn't know you were talking about

it.

That's the one I wanted to bring up immediately, but that's the opium deal.

He's not hiding out.

But I didn't know.

I mean, I don't know.

Maybe it's an architect somewhere, you know, company.

I mean, what happened in another country?

It doesn't really count.

I actually don't know the rules of business.

You did Cambodia.

Cambodia.

He did Cambodia.

Okay, so we're going to have a bunch of Cambodias.

Yeah, of course.

O'Neal's just got back from Cambodia.

He's going to do that.

But yeah, we met in Phnom Penh or Siam Reap?

Siem Reap.

Near Siem Reap, like in a fucking lobby.

What a weird gig.

Indoor, outdoor.

It was

only usually in pools, rarely in comedy clubs.

Indoor, outdoor.

I mean, one of those expat gigs.

Yeah.

Where it's all weird people.

There was a couple of Estonians there, I remember.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

Then there was an old German guy I played pool with that night that I'm pretty sure was a

on the run.

You know they do that.

That is Cambodia.

You know they do that a lot, right?

What?

On the run?

No, no.

They go to they go to like...

Those areas.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm aware.

It was the bit like if you get in trouble in, if you get in trouble in America for or any sexual, you go to France.

Right.

But you get trouble in there, then you go to Estonia.

We're the next in line.

What do you guys do?

And if you get in trouble in Estonia, that's where you go to the jungle.

That's where you're in CM Reap in a pool bar watching a comedy show at 70 years old you german i was 100 sure he's

because he kept not saying what he does or why he's here he just smiles and then when i was in cm reap i was training uh mixed martial arts at this gym i remember i was there for six months then i met another german guy uh he's like at the local newspaper you can still google this guy's name he's always like in jail for two months for

then they you know they can't get any money and there's no funding so they just go fucking get out of here what for what yeah he's like a what who's gonna fund that What do you mean they can't get funding?

Like, like they want the government?

No, no, they want the government sponsors.

They want the money from the German guy.

But then the German guy, I'm sure, calls the embassy and they're like,

we're not gonna hook you up.

And then the Cambodia, they don't have funding from their government.

It's not like a secure system of fucking.

They just want money from you, you know?

Who?

The cop.

The cop puts you in the jail.

Oh, I didn't know who you were talking about.

Sorry.

I did love the in Cambodia.

I guess Phnom Penh, it was like you go to these, it's it's just like sex bars, and it's a bunch of 65-year-old white men smiling.

Smiling.

And they're either fucking young boys or young girls.

Exactly.

Usually in their 20s.

But then there's always the other thing where they're like, we don't judge here.

We all came to the same place.

There's a second floor to that bar, always.

There's the second floor where you can, it's on the main.

It was Seam Reap.

That was fun.

I remember they had a tower of beer.

Do you want to go up?

I was taking four months off and then William was like, you want to go up?

I'm not, I was, here's what I was afraid of.

Bombing and then having to sit with a bomb for the next three months traveling around Southeast Asia.

And I'm like, I can't let that be my last set.

Oh, that is true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That is true.

If I was going up the next day, I'm like, sure, I'd love to go up.

Oh, yeah.

It's a terrible room for comedy.

One of the worst rooms I've ever done in my life.

Yeah.

But they put you up in that place?

Yeah, yeah.

I remember.

I was opening for William.

I was on the road with him.

And then you were hanging around.

You crushed, I think.

I remember just five.

I was like literally three years in or something.

Wow.

But you were my first, definitely, and I would say maybe the only, I don't meet a lot backpacking comedians Because you're a guy who has that in his blood.

Yeah, we're backpacking.

We're hustling.

I'm like a backpack type of guy.

Even to this day, like I don't like stuff.

I just.

You're not a rollerbagger.

You're a backpacker.

Yeah.

You see, the rollerback people, they're different.

What's going to happen?

Yeah, exactly.

I need to get out of here as soon as possible.

Nothing more than I love is just having a backpack and going.

Yeah.

Rollerback doesn't give you cobblestone street.

Every time I have stuff around me, I'm always stressed about the stuff.

I'm like, fuck, I gotta move my stuff.

How fucking fucking great is it when you're down to just one backpack?

It's so freeing.

Oh,

yeah, that whole time, when I did that Cambodia, I think I was three, four years, maybe just in Thailand, Cambodia.

I did Australia at that time, and I did all the Indonesia.

I did all the circuits there, all the comedy circuits.

Oh, wow.

So comedy brought you around places, gave you a little extra cash.

I was backpacking before, but it gave me an extra.

Like now, you can also go to places like Kuala Lumpur.

I wouldn't go there as a backpacker, but you definitely go there for a gig.

Also, the gig's like you get a little nicer room.

A little nicer room.

One night.

I was like, oh, real shower.

Exactly.

Yeah.

But to be honest, I don't even, I love hostels.

I don't mind.

Yeah.

That's what you learn about backpacking the most is like

your stuff doesn't matter.

Like you think you need this pillow, this circumstance, this fucking AC.

You think you need that.

But if you're so tired from fucking arguing with an Indonesian cop who can't find a flight, the letters are wrong.

wrong once you get to that bed with a fan and 16 people you don't you pass out yeah you know

yeah exactly you pass the fuck out yeah or you pay the extra dollar for AC but a fan's fine you just used to you just get used to it yeah and then how little you know and if somebody's like you want this t-shirt I'm like yeah sure this is a cool t-shirt let me see what I have to throw away now oh because there's I'm already full on room always full on room yeah yeah yeah I love when they try to sell you shit like they're like you want this blanket I'm like buddy I have to lose a pair of jeans exactly like i don't need it there's no blankets yeah yeah

yeah it was cool though and then when they told me here they're like there's this guy ari maddie and i'm like and then i saw him like oh no i know him like where i'm like cambodia you know he goes like what yeah it's so weird williams life is crazy dude i love that guy he rules yeah he fucking rules hey guys i gotta break into this is a crooker it's pretty close this week's episode i'll let you know about ari maddie He's a great stand-up comedian who I met in Cambodia.

I believe

we're going to annex them.

The government is going to annex them pretty quickly.

I've decided to start.

Hey, a little tip.

Tell me what you think.

I've decided to stop saying Trump's going to do this or the Democrats do this.

Instead, I just go the government.

You know, it just lets you know, like, it's just them.

I don't care.

I don't care who you say is in charge.

The government's going to annex Cambodia.

It's pretty funny.

You can put your own name on it.

Ari's going to be in

Zaney, Chicago, April 24th, 25th, and 26th.

If you want to see his dates, do not check out his website.

This is perhaps the worst website I've ever seen in my life.

You guys gotta legitimately have to see it.

Go to AriMati.com.

For no reason at all,

it just says it's made by WordPress.

That's the most featured thing.

on his website, that it's made by WordPress.

And it says 2025, which that might be an auto update because I can't imagine someone who has done that now.

The pictures are all out of date.

It's wild.

It's wild.

He's got clearly somebody made like a

picture for him and he was impressed by it a long time ago.

It says Ari Maddie Mustonen live.

And yet there's no dates.

It just it only features a picture of him,

a cartoon picture of him,

and then another picture of him.

And then his bio is first and foremost.

What year was this made, Ari?

You're nuts.

Hailing from Estonia and just returned from a year in Vancouver, Canada.

Out of date like crazy.

Ari Maddie, and then the word goes over his ear, so you can't really see it.

Most of them has a bright future ahead of him.

What a chump thing to say.

What a not current comic thing to say.

With enough

on-stage energy to power a small town and punchlines to match.

A fucking loser you are, Ari.

Come on, you're giving our name a fucking bad rap.

Ari's been enthralling audiences around the world.

This sounds like in Edinburgh.

Stories about life growing up in Eastern Europe.

Ari Maddie Mustardone is a, yeah, say it again, bro.

Is the most Finnish-sounding name ever.

You do know what Finnish name sounds like, right?

It's making me mad.

A mixture of mad and sadness, I guess, for him and his website.

And then it says again, Ari

has recently returned from a year in Vancouver Canary, worked as a feature act and headliner for the Yuck Yucks and Comedy Mix.

Comedy Mix is no longer open, by the way.

Neither is Yuck Yucks in Vancouver.

Dude.

As a highlight of his time, he self-promoted and performed his hour, imported goods at the Rio Theater in Vancouver, selling 350 seats.

You gotta look it up.

You gotta look it up.

Then the Lynx.

Oh, the Lynx are fucking wild.

Okay.

Oh, let's get this here.

The links are wild.

The

Twitter's first.

It goes to the Matty podcast.

Then you got Facebook.

Let's see what that opens on.

You got to log in.

Then we got Instagram.

Okay.

Sorry, this page isn't available.

And then YouTube.

Let's see what we got on this.

Ari Mati Mustonin.

Let's see.

Last video uploaded four months ago.

It's a highlight of Whitney Cummings.

Okay.

Okay.

That's

just regular bad.

Ari's other pasture is martial arts.

He's becoming a favorite.

Appearance.

Ari's a okay.

Here's one from Glenn Wool.

A couple.

Oh, okay.

Glenn Wool.

Ari's a great stand-up.

He's an ev he's an enviable he has an enviable fearness.

He's going to make many, many people people laugh all over the world.

Glenn Wool, great comic.

Great comedy wit, internationally appealing.

Chris Franklin, Bogan.

Appearance credits include the 2016 Laugh Factory competition.

And the 2016 Comedy Conference in London.

Radio 2.

Radio 2.

And then Podcast of the Year, 2017.

And then his Estonian bio,

which,

oh, okay, it opens up a new comedy Estonia.

Oh, my God.

It's so bad.

It's so fucking bad.

Sorry, this page isn't available for his.

Bro, this is like.

And then there's a bunch of pictures of you.

Gay!

Wow, bro.

Now let's go over to my website where you can see all my dates.

AriShafir.com.

You can get merch, tour, jute, specials.

It's actually not that great either.

But see all my dates.

I just was in

Atlanta and Portland.

By the way, if you have a record for me to sign, you want to bring it, show a door guy when you come into a club.

Or if it's a theater, which I'll be doing in Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary, and Edmonton in April, and in Anchorage in

June.

I think that's it.

There'll be a separate wristband at the door.

Show your record at the door, and then there'll be a separate wristband, which will allow you to hang out for

like 20 minutes after the show, everybody to clear out, and then I'll come out and sign them.

I also will have signed grinders.

They're in the other room, but they're cool looking.

Two different ones.

I'll keep going.

And you can get those signed.

I mean, get

at

the shows at the merch line.

I will not be out there, but I will sign them ahead of time.

Two different ones.

These are not signed, but they will be.

Ari Shafir's Fine Quality Goods.

That's one.

And then the other one is the Ari Shafir Third Eye Smoking.

Available.

Both designs in black.

and green.

Those are also available on my site, but they won't be signed like they will at the venues.

I'm going to be those places, Fort Lauderdale, Orlando in March,

San Jose in March as well.

I think that's it.

Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary, Emmont.

Yeah, I think that's it.

I think I've talked about everything.

Then I'm off the road.

Goodbye.

Also, this is not.

Also, Ari Shafir's renamed storytelling show.

We're still renaming the show.

Will

tickets are almost gone.

So hurry up and get them at ari Shafir.com.

The pre-sale is now over and you can get tickets.

Every show is going to be great.

No more than one show per night per person.

If we see you coming in on someone else's ticket, you'll be like, you know, no refund and stuff.

You'll just be like not allowed in.

But one show per night is fine.

If you want to come to more than one show, you're welcome to.

Dress up.

Don't dress like a slob like this.

Look at this fucking college shirt.

Come on.

Do better, Ari.

And that's it.

I got lots of merch and everything, everything, everything.

And we're still going to try to send somebody around the world, but I haven't looked at the submissions yet.

Send it to the Instagram account, Ubi Trippin'Pod.

Not my Instagram account.

I don't really look at those.

I see them once in a while.

I'm like, no, it's not it.

The Ubi Trippin'Pod Instagram account or the email address.

And that's it.

Let's get back to the episode.

Ari Maddie.

Yeah, I do love being on the...

Yeah, but the next thing I want to do is that boat thing.

Like, but that's for comedy.

It's so hard because it takes so much.

That's what time is.

In between, yeah.

It's literally years that you need to be on the fuck.

And if you want to do it properly, you know.

A few weeks in between that minimum at least a few weeks.

But it'd be cool to just be on a boat, catch your food.

A hundred percent.

Anyway, where do you want to go today?

Where are we talking about?

Okay, so you're going to be on this podcast a bunch of times.

You're one of the traveler

comedians, so it's like...

But everybody's done so many cool countries here.

So we've already done like 5th, 40.

What are we at?

Something like that.

Let me check.

35?

I don't know, wherever we're at.

But it's like, yeah, we've done a lot of Australia.

Now I got to go to Afghanistan.

We've done Australia.

We've got a cool on ours podcast.

Now I got to go to Australia.

Dude, I already have two Afghanistans in the can.

Really?

Yeah.

Awesome.

Like, wait, wait, wait.

Pause.

USO.

USO.

USO.

USO.

We did.

Do you mean USO or Afghanistan?

Like, somebody went over there.

Julio Gadarati went to Afghanistan, and then I got

Saad Mossani, who runs the media corporations in Afghanistan.

Oh, okay,

okay.

Yeah, not USO.

Yeah, that's cool.

That's a different thing.

Yeah, sometimes guys.

Dude, I've met so many.

USO?

You keep calling it USO?

I like it.

I met so many American comedians who are like, oh, yeah, I went to Japan.

I did the naval base.

Oh, wow.

What are Japanese?

What are Japanese like?

They're all tough.

Yeah, they're tough.

They're all tough and white.

Yeah, well, the brothel was great.

I'm sure it was.

Yeah, I've had a bunch of a few things.

Afghanistan, surprisingly.

Amsterdam, I had to stop.

No more Amsterdams.

It's all, I got too high.

I got too high.

I was in the red light district and I fucked a child.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wish I haven't got that story yet.

What am I going to get a ⁇ who's willing to talk about it?

You know, the term is changing, you know.

Well, you know, are standing up for their right now.

You've read about this?

No.

You've heard about this?

You've heard about this?

You know this?

You know this?

On Reddit, apparently.

My friend sends me these fucking things.

You know, they're like,

apparently don't like the word anymore.

Oh, yeah, let's make sure they're comfortable.

Exactly.

Just like you can't call trans people Chinese anymore.

Same thing with, you know.

Now they're like

age-affluent, you know, like...

Should we keep this up here or should we eat it?

You could keep it up there.

Let's keep it up here.

If you eat this on Mike, this is the worst thing to eat on Mike.

It's honeycomb chocolate.

But it's one of the best chocolates you've ever put in your mouth, just so you know.

Really?

Yeah.

Just so you know.

I gave this to Brian Redman.

He's moving to Estonia.

He's buying real estate there, opening up another club with two high ceilings.

I have a joke about Redman because he saw me at the comic store once and I was like a bit thinner

of my up and down.

He goes, damn, if I was your, if I was weighed as much as you do, I would just binge all the time.

And I was like, you were my weight and you did binge all the time.

I love how fat people say, Oh, as if I was you,

as if he had no legs.

Yeah, if you have Skittles in your mouth as you're talking to me, yeah, this is a very like

solvable situation.

Where are we going?

Let's find a place.

Where are we headed?

We're going to go back to Cambodia another time.

Let's go to Canada.

Canada, we have not had.

Let's go to Canada.

Ghana.

The Great Leaf.

Yeah, it's an interesting one because a lot of people say it's Greater America, which to a degree it is.

But it's different.

Yeah, it's very different, actually.

What were you doing there?

Where did you go?

Where'd you stay?

I moved to see when the backpack thing started for me.

I started doing...

I've done every working holiday visa.

Do you know about this?

I've heard about it.

Have you heard of this?

You know about it?

You know working holiday visas.

These are things that European Union, inshallah, European Union, inshallah.

I'm getting my Romanian passport.

What?

Moving on?

Oh, like e-residency, so you can have...

Yeah.

That's a good move, by the way.

So then you can go to the line of the stars.

British people are not in that line anymore.

The British people used to ruin our line because they're like animals, you know.

They are animals.

They're all bloated, screaming.

Do you think they're the fattest European?

Brits?

The most disgusting, definitely.

Not the fat.

Include Scottish.

They might be the fattest.

Which country is fattest?

Actually, you're 100% sure.

They're an empire.

Every country that has invaded other countries is fat.

Yeah, they're like the extra.

Yeah.

France kind of got away with it.

I don't know why.

Wales considered the highest...

Wales.

Oh, Wales.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

They're on an island.

They don't get to walk around a lot.

You just fucking.

That's the UK.

Wow.

So now the...

So now the United Kingdom people, they go to the line of the fucking other passports.

Yeah, now they have to deal with that.

That's the base of the break.

Exactly.

So that's a great idea for you to have.

So we joined the European Union, you know.

We were very lucky.

There's some countries that went with the Russian mentality when the Soviet Union collapsed.

Went to what?

They went to Russia.

Not to Russia, but you went with the...

the it's like turkmenistan kazakhstan tagestan they're all i want to go to those yeah 100

i can't go because then i'll be fucking i can come here um oh really of course yeah i can't go to iran or kuba either what i'm

you really it's gonna affect your green card if you just go to any of those places

i wanted to go to when i'm when we were in miami i was hoping for tony hinchcliffe i wanted to go to kuba because it's just a boat and i'm fascinated by the cars too they have 10 flights a day no i'm literally about to buy the thing and i ask my immigration lawyer he goes oh yeah you want to to go to the place where they're putting the new missiles?

Sure, go ahead.

You won't come back.

Yeah, I'm trying to get this guy on the podcast, and he goes, Hey, no, I can't come to America right now because I did business in Afghanistan, so they won't let me get it anymore.

I know a guy who went to study, he's a chef, he went to study uh, these dumplings in Iran.

Yeah, he couldn't come and see my Madison Square Garden gate.

Really?

He couldn't.

This is why you need two passports: one for like, you know, terrorism, one for the Arab country, one for terrorists, Israel, and other places, one for terrorism, one for non-one for terrorism, yeah.

You fuck it, Cambodia.

Yeah, what were you doing in Cambodia?

I wasn't, there's no proof of that on my U.S.

passport

on my U.S.

passport.

In my Romanian passport.

Oh, where they don't frown on these things?

I'm a who sells uranium to governments.

Yeah.

All you see that?

No, I was just traveling for looking for accordions.

Ari, never heard of him.

Yeah.

So, yeah, so that's a great idea.

So then you can do these working holiday visas, which is meant for ages from 18 to 30.

It's meant to boost the local.

It's basically you want legal slaves.

You want legal slaves.

You want this.

they do it in america for picking weed

like seasonal come to modesta or or whatever the whatever in california

yeah called the hills trust me as an as

i can't say anything really you can't say that as an immigrant no actually i haven't done it but as an immigrant i know every i know every i actually had a girlfriend whose ex-boyfriend got murdered there no

You know they do really shady shit that you can do.

Yeah, they put them in massive like and it's all Colombian drug dealers that fucking get these young German backpackers.

They r in the ass and then put you on a field.

And if you say something, they kill you.

So wait, wait, wait.

How fun is that picking weed,

the most relaxed, the most chill drug in the world, has the most crazy.

Yeah.

Wait, hold on, explain the order.

Migrate across the stick.

See, trimmigans.

Yeah, they trim.

Yeah, I knew an Italian lady.

Let's go.

Even AI knows what's up.

Nearly half of whom.

These workers are especially vulnerable to sexual violence.

It's called City.

Up there it's called City.

I don't know if that's true, but

you might as well.

Wow.

So wait, they fuck the dudes in the butt and then put them in a field?

Everybody gets fucked.

Everybody.

And there's no rights.

And because you do it with a tourist visa, that's not.

Right.

So you're allowed to come, but you have to work.

You have to trim.

And you have to tourist visa.

It's all cash.

You're not even a real person.

You know, so you don't have any of the rights.

Yeah, there's that.

Then there's the au pair.

Au pair is very popular for American visa.

Chicks come and raise your babies because you guys don't

fuck the dad.

Yeah.

Dude, if you're a bad person.

That's what Juno was.

That was an American father.

No way I'm not getting an Estonian fucking no rights.

Yeah.

You want someone from Eastern Bloc countries who know how to keep their mouth shut?

They know the benefit of not spreading.

I used to have a bit about, you know, those perverts that go to Thailand and they get like a Thai wife.

They don't speak the language.

See, it's because a lot of men, a lot of older men want to find a woman,

want to find the women they grew up with.

So that's why you sometimes get an immigrant woman, you know, because it's because now these new American women, you know, they're on blogs, they have the rights, they vote, you know, they like tell you what they think, you know.

They're like, I think about, you know.

Let's get to Canada.

Oh, this is, yeah, this is all.

Yeah, so you have a workers, you have a workers' permit.

So I did Australia.

Yeah.

I did

stole money and fucking everything.

Okay.

Yeah.

I actually started comedy there.

I was supposed to go into those Coton Gin farms, but the farm work was just, dude, I can't do spots.

I have to do comedy.

Oh, right.

You're too far out.

Yeah, I actually met you.

This is after the whole Cambodia debacle.

I met you in Australia too when you did the comics launch.

I remember.

I actually had a guest spot on your show now.

Did I remember it?

Wow.

Yeah.

And then the MC goes, Ari, and does a pause.

And of course, people people think, because you're the headliner there.

That is you.

Yeah.

And then I go out there and I'm like, I'm from Austin.

I was so confused.

It's like, is he not, is the guy we came to see not coming?

Exactly.

And they all go like, where's my ticket?

Did I buy the wrong one?

Wait, that's crazy.

I met you in two other countries before here.

And then you had a great joke about how you don't know any, like, you know, the trans people.

You don't know any trans people that are not mentally ill.

Like you said that bit about that.

That was amazing.

Oh, yeah.

That was great.

Did I do there?

Yeah.

There's no trans people that are mentally ill.

You said they're all fucking crazy.

Everyone I've known is literally insane.

That was not one of my bets.

It was.

Really?

You actually said kill all trans, and then you had merch.

And then you had...

Oh, now.

I remember.

Yes.

And then you had the merch.

Hashtag kill trans.

Hashtag kill all trans.

Oh, yeah.

I was trying to get.

Yeah, because hashtags were bigger than

Twitter days.

Yeah, you were on Twitch.

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Hmm.

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Guys, I'm Ari Shafir.

And my people have approved this message.

Now, let's get back to the episode.

The booth boys just suggested, so I want to do some theme episodes too.

Uh-huh.

And so it'll be like trains, hostels, different things.

That's right.

They just suggested doing work visas as a theme.

Uh-huh.

Like, shift this episode hard.

Uh-huh.

And go work visas.

Uh-huh.

What's your feelings?

Because the booth boys are here.

I don't want to express my real opinion.

No, no, no.

It's a suggestion or they would have stopped.

No, you seem reluctant to talk about Canada.

Yeah, you're really good.

Oh, no, no, no, let's go.

I don't know.

You ask me.

Now,

my fault.

Look at him.

Look at this.

This is what they do in the Eastern European countries.

No, no.

It was him.

Take him.

Take his sister.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Okay, Canada.

So I did the working holiday.

I've done it in Russia.

I've done every country.

Yeah.

I've done the UK one.

America doesn't have that program.

You don't.

Okay.

So I went to Canada.

Yeah.

To Vancouver to do it.

I waited.

When you apply, you get that visa.

It's 365 days.

You have time to enter the country.

I entered on the 365th day, two hours before that visa expired.

And then you get it for how long?

For one year.

Oh, so start any time, and you get a year when you start.

Exactly.

Wow.

And I picked by Vancouver because I missed the flight from New York to Toronto.

How did you get to Vancouver there?

Because it was because the visa expired at 12 o'clock.

Where did you come from?

Which way did you come from?

New York.

I connected.

I was thinking I'm going to just chill and have fun.

Yeah.

And, you know, then you start having fun, whatever.

I extended.

And then I waited till the last day.

Got to Vancouver.

I knew nothing about it.

Went to a hostel.

And you know, when you sleep in the lobby and they keep waking you up because there's no sleeping in the lobby, but the check-in time is at three.

This is 6 a.m.

I'm not sure.

You gotta wait.

You think they'd have like a...

Just like a quiet room for people who get there too early.

Because this kid is a little bit more than a hundred.

Yeah, the quiet room is called a room that you have to pay for, which I didn't want to do.

Yeah, right.

That's called the quiet room.

You can pay for the day ahead.

You're like, you know, I'm on a budget.

You know, I'm on a fucking budget.

Or they go, if you mess up the towels, it's $10.

Exactly.

Fuck off.

Exactly.

Don't even give me the towels.

Yeah.

Just don't even give it to me.

So that's how it got there.

And the way I found the plot, dude, rent was so expensive.

You know, when you're...

Honcouver, they fuck the fucking rent.

All these goddamn Chinese.

Possible edit.

The Chinese.

See, we don't agree on law.

They're buying buying up all the property, and then

there's no apartments.

So everything goes up.

We don't agree on a lot.

You don't like trans people.

I love them.

You hate them.

You say from river to the sea.

I say.

From the sea to the river.

I say both sides have their reasons.

You say Nukemal.

But one thing we agree on 100% is fuck the Chinese.

Fuck the Chinese.

God damn, they suck.

Hancouver, it's being ruined.

Do you understand that in Vancouver, there's these two towers that look like from like Tom Cruise could do a mission in them yeah like so beautifully architect built and they're all empty you never see a light on because they're all in investment apartments that i bought and they used to be actually wouldn't it wouldn't it maybe look oh uh look at these towers i mean every year

yeah that's they're all empty because these are all just money laundering so wouldn't they make money renting them out absolutely double the money absolutely you do but ari we're talking about trillions of dollars so they just need investment investment they don't want to get involved then you get a guy in there who's gonna kid and now there's the lawsuit there's a body you gotta get rid of of course it's a dark episode yeah of course

it's like there's a it's like why there's no starbucks in estonia you know why you know why if you do go if you do starbucks in estonia it's gonna make money like that okay but the money worth the effort it us

we're not gonna open up i have to open up uh then then i have to get legislation none of what you're saying makes sense to me.

No, it does.

Okay.

Oh, it does.

All right.

It does.

Wait.

The money to what to get it started?

Even to have the meeting.

Hold on, hold on.

Okay.

Let me just explain to you what you said.

You're like, you're going to make so much money, but to get started, eat ass.

What would I glean from that?

See, this is what my business manager tells me all the time.

He doesn't know which direction we're going.

No, I mean, like,

even the meeting we have to have to open this department

is too much already of my time to spend to make, I don't know, how much money Starbucks a year are gonna make in Estonia with all the fees of opening all the million pesos or whatever the fuck you use.

Exactly.

Yeah, you know, it's a fan card.

Same thing we're getting filling the guys with filling the apartments with somebody who rents.

Do you know they open a subway, a kosher subway in Jerusalem, Ushalaim, and

they use the subway, you know, mentality there, subway Subway sandwiches.

And they're like, all right, the cups, you buy the cup, you fill it up.

And they just didn't understand juice because we would just leave with our cup and come back the next day.

If you see a friend, like, don't buy a cup.

Here.

They didn't sell a single large in three years.

It was all smalls.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

It's like when they introduced self-checkout to Estonia.

It took us like five years to be like, well, you're bankrupting the store.

Yeah.

Oh, that self-checkout's a dream.

Self-checkout as a backpacker, brother.

Yeah.

In Australia, I would literally go to Whole Foods.

One One time, me and my girlfriend wanted to have a party, and we put speakers on through as carrots.

You know, boop, bop, beep, pop.

You weighed them as carrots.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

It's like $7.

Okay, Canada!

Here's a tip, by the way, for all the backpackers.

Uber Eats, you're in another country.

Hey, it never came.

You do that twice.

They go, hey, we're taking away your account.

Like, sick, I'm not staying here.

Or the local app.

There's always a local app.

Foodie, booty,

delivery,

band.

I asked my friend once, and I was like, wait, does that come out of the driver's pay or out of Uber Eats?

And he goes, I'm busy eating.

Anyway, go ahead.

And it doesn't, by the way.

Okay, no.

That's the warranty they have, yeah.

So Canada.

So you get to Vancouver, your hostel.

How are the hostels?

Expensive there compared to.

Of course, I mean, expensive.

In Thailand, you get the child and the breakfast for $3.

It's not a full breakfast, and it's not a full child.

I'm not usually a

joke guy, by the way.

Yeah, no, you're usually pretty serious.

I'm actually usually pretty serious about it.

By the way, guys, I'm very political, and I'm doing the tonight show tomorrow.

But something hanging out with you.

This is where my fucking vagabonding went.

Okay.

Your book.

I was looking for it.

Oh, now I don't bring up Canada.

Now I'm this show.

This guy's reading books in the middle of the whole thing.

Okay, let's bring up the lonely planet.

Have you ever done that?

That you get the lonely planet and then you go to the restaurant or the hotel that's not there because it's fucking 2004.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It should be right here.

It's a record store now.

Tuke 255 is in the middle of the bush.

Oh, this was pre-revolution.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is 1993.

And then after Uprising.

Yeah, this is when Hong Kong was Great Britain.

Yeah.

Let's make Hong Kong Great Britain again.

They got to have that hat.

Oh,

great merge idea.

Yeah.

For the Chinese.

Chinese.

So, okay, so you get there.

How long were you there for?

One year, exactly.

The visa expires.

Oh, wow.

The visa expires.

What happens if you stay over your visa?

Well, you can, but then it's a Commonwealth country.

You get banned in all the rest of the ones.

They hear about it.

You know, there's like a UNESCO or whatever service they use because the other countries.

Because sometimes

they just bill you more.

Like if you leave after your 30 days, obviously like you owe some money.

You owe us like another hundred bucks.

Yeah, I remember I overstayed in Thailand.

They were all like,

such a good bribe.

A little four bucks.

Yeah, and then the backpacker's like, you're fucking me.

Four dollars.

I can't handle this.

Yeah.

Devastating blow.

I knew so many backpackers were like, this is going to be a devastating blow.

I'm like, it's $6.

It's so funny because I was playing Playpoor poor when I was there oh you were play I remember meeting you yeah play poor yeah and I was around backpacker so I was like I'll be you order the drinks like this let's have a round you don't meet any backpacker who goes let's have a round I got the tower of beer yeah tower of beer Jesus but uh but yeah I was around I was on children's and I was like all right it's fine but um but uh yeah I remember going to some like national park like all right two dollar cover to get it I was like yeah sure and I turn around I was like where are we friends and they're like hemming and hawing I was like ah fuck I played it too rich exactly so okay So you're in Vancouver.

Boom.

How long?

What?

A year.

What'd you do when you were there?

What'd you do for money?

Well, sure, sounds like a work visa episode.

We haven't even touched it yet.

We haven't even touched it yet.

So.

I mean, okay.

Hard shift.

Work visa episode.

We're 30 minutes in and we haven't even touched Vancouver yet.

The Chinese own most of Vancouver.

Yeah.

Oh, here's spam.

Oh, take the take the phone out.

Yeah.

Hey, you guys got ivermectin or anything?

Oh, what a wonderful segment of the R.

Hello?

Ari is a fear shipping class.

They hung up with me.

Sure.

Let's do work visas.

No, they've been calling me for fucking two years to running Jet Gag on this.

Uh-huh.

For three years.

They're just calling me to sell more ivermectin.

Rogan doesn't tell you all the side effects of ivermectin, which is call some India.

Really?

They call you and sell you?

Non-stop.

Really?

I asked them once I got

off your list.

Let's call Bunjeep.

We have to call this fucking.

Well, let's see.

Let's see a number back.

Any 213 number, I know, just like.

Let's call him back.

Potential spam.

Let's see.

Hello?

What the hell, bro?

What the?

I don't think you can even do that, Act.

I'm usually very clean, actually.

If you want to put this number in DNC, please press one.

And if you want to connect the call to a representative, then please press two.

Yeah, sure.

Oh, my god.

He actually clicked there.

I've never heard somebody go.

If you want to put this number in DM.

Oh, fuck off.

Exactly.

Wait till they call back.

Okay, we're doing work visas.

It's a work visa episode.

What does that mean?

It's a theme one.

We're going to talk about the process of getting work visas and visas in general.

Travel visas, work visas, visas.

Full shift.

Full shift, guys.

Full podcast.

Where you've been and where you're going.

This is our Reese Travel Show.

Yeah.

We're going to talk about travel today.

It's you'll be tripping.

So all the Vancouver stuff is we can trash that.

We lost 40 seconds of this solid podcast where we just shit on Chinese people in Canada.

I don't know if it'll apply.

We'll save it for another episode where we just shit on Chinese.

That's another theme.

That's another theme.

We got to write these themes down.

Chinese.

And when people say,

don't do Chinese bad, have you been to China?

They hate white people.

They hate you too.

So shit on them all you want.

Oh, yeah.

They're like, look at these people.

That's fork.

They say no eyeball and not me.

No eyeball.

No eyeball.

Did no one

attack us.

I am white.

I do fork and no eyeball.

Hey, booth, boys, keep the camera on me during those segments.

Hey, booth boys.

I love how

now you do this.

Tony's fucking calling Puerto Rico garbage.

I love how Rogan's like, can my guys just keep it down for you?

As long as you stay in a low enough level, we're fine.

True, true.

Tony got big.

They noticed him.

Nobody noticed abject failure.

They'll notice that, Dari, trust me.

If you keep that, put it.

If I get this fucking new hair in Turkey, then they'll start noticing it.

If they see that clip on TikTok, they'll be very upset.

Oh, yeah.

Well, my numbers will go down if I talk about China.

First of all, okay, here's how we got to get this

to still get numbers in China.

All hail Mao.

Ah, now they're white people off ruining our culture.

You have to do like a John Cena Apology video now.

Oh, yeah.

But you're fooling so much.

Now, wait, I'm doing it wrong.

Okay, okay, okay.

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Talk about visas.

Wherever you had it, trouble, wherever you had them, easy.

Well, there's an open program.

In Australia,

if you're missing a foot and you're retarded, you can get a work visa.

In where?

In Australia.

They want everything on the fields.

Because they need people.

Because Australians are now so rich, they don't want to do that shit.

So do you need backpackers?

It's huge for local economies.

It is weird how it's fun for the local economy.

And the backpackers are like, if we can get in, sick.

We can buy all within a month.

All these farms fuck these backpackers over.

Is that a real thing?

Oh!

Oh!

You get a guy.

What do you...

Of course.

Yeah.

Please, if you edit these clips,

put the parts where I say something that doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, he's always like, they do that.

Okay, now I know.

I got a visa, a tourist visa in Thailand, and I was landing.

I was like, I'll get it, whatever.

And they go, like, where are you going to stay?

And I just put down like tourist hostel.

And then they're like, usually they're like, let you in, like, the name of your hostel is tourist hostel.

And I was like, yes.

And she was like, just go.

That's how they're getting their shit together, but it's just taking a lot of time.

They're still.

Yeah, exactly.

So, yeah, they go to the farms.

There was an incident with Estonians

like 15 years ago because Estonians always go there.

It's like 40,000 Estonians right now on the farms.

Really?

They're digging a hole.

The mining towns, you know, that's a big gig.

Sometimes they don't pay you.

And, you know, they control so much because they control your visa status.

You have to do 81 workdays, active work days so it's like a three to six months period but what counts as a workday sometimes the farmers try to fuck you because they want to keep you around as long as possible because you get the fucking so they say you haven't earned 81 days yet yeah exactly they do that a lot took a long smoke break i don't know exactly and sometimes they claim they'll sign you off and they never do what do you mean sign you off like uh let's say you did 20 days they'll be like i'll give you the fucking 80 you know they do that too oh they say we'll help you out

in return for favors or just for the visa so you get that extension because you get the second year visa in australia only by doing farm work in the first year

oh interesting that's how you get the extension now i think you can just keep extending it and all these backpackers are like great sounds great but all these farmers get australia is so expensive too for a backpacker it's like first world prices But you get paid well too.

Oh, you do?

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, $25

an hour maybe on the cotton farm.

Wow.

If you're in a mining, if you're in the mines, you get like 80 bucks.

Oh, really?

80 bucks an hour.

I have a friend who's been underground for eight years right now, digging into the middle of the earth.

He's about to pop up from Austin.

He's the guy at the bottom of the ship in Water World.

Oh, literally, he is.

And he sees the fire.

He's like, oh, thank God.

He's such a money-oriented guy.

I love how he's like, dude, I have like 2.5 million on my bank account.

And I'm like, you've been underground for eight years.

Yeah.

You can see in the dark now.

Great.

You're going to have a two-bedroom apartment in Round Rock with fucking lung cancer.

What did you do when you were there?

Bartending.

I've always used bartending.

I'm a service industry guy.

It's an easy job to have anywhere in the world.

Even in Thailand, one point I ran out of money at Echo Beach hostel.

I just told them, I'll work.

And then you get, it's five bucks a month, five bucks a night for the spot in the bunk bed.

But if you help the bar clean up, that's just for free.

At the hostel.

Wow.

That's very popular.

You can go to any hostel and tell them, can I clean up pyuk?

They go, please do.

You'll just stay.

Here's a room.

Yeah, here's a room you get breakfast everything yeah yeah you put the bananas in the pocket so you get the snack

yeah you know yeah i was in cambodia on some island there there was like the hostel workers the ones that sold weed were like we get free weed free food free board free weed free food free pussy that's what you get um where else to be worked where else what piece what piece is hard to get well canada one is used to be a lottery now it's much easier used to be a lottery it's like 80 slots per country yeah uh maybe maybe 2000 in it's like a a lotta, because Estonia is so small, we only get 80 or something.

So then you get that.

And I got the lottery.

And I was very...

No, more stuff.

Notebooks?

Notebook, yeah.

Oh, you're writing some stuff too?

Yeah, question, so don't forget it.

Yeah.

It's super distracting.

Oh, really?

So you get

now if we go.

China, what were we talking about?

Work visas.

This is the most chaotic podcast I've ever done, by the way.

Yeah.

Oh, you're true, dude.

Oh, look at that.

Look at how nice that is.

Yeah, that's a good note.

Welcome to the UB Dripping slash work visa slash.

I know what it means.

It means like, to these people, is there a lot of fucking going on at these like farm farm stuff?

Not hostels.

Oh.

Like temporary farm work.

It's like summer camp, bro.

You're going to fuck somebody.

I know.

Such a threat the way you said it.

I know so many guys who go into these like cotton cotton.

This is Australia for me.

You go into the

you go to the coton gin farm or you go to the mining town, you go to the mining town or whatever, yeah, and then the owner of the farm is some fat guy who's got a pretty wife because he's actually rich.

I mean, farming is a big business, yeah.

So he's got a hot wife, and he's like, banging the wife, working for this guy, bang the wife, work for get that girl pregnant, he moves out, move on, he divorce, she divorces, gets half the money, you share the money, whatever, you know,

people suck and fuck when in in like in like uh ski towns, in Vale, whatever, it's all Australians and they're all doing Irish or Australian.

Yeah.

Every ski town is Irish or Australian.

They just go ski chair and they go to South America when it's

in the in our summer to ski more.

Yeah.

And then, right, just blow and fucking.

Yeah.

They sleep 10 to a house.

So many Australian girls have been in the bunk bed, 16 people with the fan, and then they just walk in and they just go, all right, boys, pick a hole.

It's crazy.

It's crazy, dude.

Do you know how many times I've been in the bottom bunk

while someone else is banging and you're just along for the ride?

It sucks.

Sucks.

It's always been Germans for me.

Germans get, yeah, German girls always, they come in a group of three and then the Australians just run a train on them.

That's a classic.

I meant the German boys.

German boys, too.

They fuck all the time.

They fuck.

The Brits are around.

But Australians are everywhere.

In backpacking culture, it's like Australians are the biggest race.

Yeah.

They get drunk the most.

They They get drunk.

They need the party.

They fuck the most.

And always, there's a lot of Australian girls who are like from Sydney or Melbourne.

They have rich parents, and that's how they rebel against their dad.

They get fucked.

I know.

And by the way, public service announcement for all the listeners here from Australia.

Your dad has hurt you, and you need to get back at him.

No, no, we, yeah.

And we support the rebellion.

Yeah.

In our Shafir, support the rebellion.

I never really got.

No, one time I got laid at a hostel in like Thailand.

One time?

I was like, yeah, I wasn't great at it.

You know.

You don't get laid in Chiang Mai.

You just can't get laid.

You know what's the so ironic part about like traveling culture?

Yeah.

When I used to be so poor in hostels, I couldn't buy the drinks, girl, the

drinks for girls.

So that would be kind of make me not cool at the bar.

Now that I have enough money to stay at the nice hotel, and also I had a bunk bed, no room.

So you're in a bunk bed and no money to buy the girl's drinks.

Now I'm in a hotel.

I have money to buy the girls' drinks, but there's no girls at the lobby.

These These fucking,

yeah, these four-season lobby bitches are stiff.

They have people already, they have people already, and they're stiff as a bore.

They're like, Can I buy you a drink?

Like,

my ex-husband's buying this drink.

And you definitely don't want to be the 30-year-old guy who goes to the hostel from the four-season drinks.

No, no, no, you got to stay there.

That's not cool.

It is, you're right.

It's a super low level.

If you go slightly above that, now you're the rich guy.

What, you have a solo room?

Whoa.

Dude, you give a hostel bitch a good shower, a separate shower?

Yeah.

You're treating it.

She's She's a princess.

I hooked up in an RV in Bonaru, and it was somebody from the tents.

They're like, what?

Air conditioning?

And she was like, you're my boyfriend.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So

what's like a hard visa to get?

What's a super easy one?

What do you got to lie on to get in places?

Because some are you got to get ahead of time and some you just land and get them.

Oh, well.

Work visas and should we just do work visas?

Well, work visas are not like that.

They're always you have to apply.

And there's the Commonwealth countries, which is the Great Britain, Australia, and Canada.

And those countries always swap around and suck and fuck.

You can do whatever.

Canadians are, dude, Canadians are crazy too.

Like

the boys from like Alberta, when they have money, when they get that RICP money, they can work on the oil rigs, they get a rig big money, and they go to like fucking Bali.

Holy shit.

I remember I was in a hostel, just Nappy Nunu, like sleeping, having a nap, you know.

I heard Nappy Nuno.

Is that an expression?

What is this?

Like with the blanket.

And I taking a nap, and then I wake up and I hear these.

I hear, you know, when you hear somebody go, you hear this?

And I look on the table.

This is like your version of

how high?

Where he waves the joint in front of you.

You just hear a sniff, and you're like, where is that?

Where's that coming from?

Are you a coker?

Only, only marijuana.

Never been anything up my nose or never tried anyone.

I don't know.

It doesn't.

Are you saying you don't want your mom to see this?

Are you saying

she's dead, by the way?

Oh, good.

No, I don't.

Yeah.

That is good.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

This is the craziest podcast I've learned.

So you.

Do we both have ADD?

I think we both have.

Oh, yeah.

Because I have ADD, but usually the other guy is the guy who keeping me on track.

You're throwing me.

That's a good question.

Do you need a work visa for every show you do in other countries?

Yeah.

No way, really?

But you can get a performer's permit.

There's stuff like that.

But do you really need that or do you just pay you to do it?

Because

I never got the work visas for China china or thailand i've gotten them when i've done really

interesting

really

i went to get i went to get a work visa for china i went to do a china run and i got a work visa and i was like that was like hey what are you doing there i'm like working it was the embassy in la and they were like they were like uh where's your letter of invitation from the government where's all this and i was like i don't have any of that and then i called them like what the fuck you tell them you were working for

I don't know.

Yeah, I've done a few of those.

They said, go back in line and tell them you're not working.

I'm like, I was just in line.

And they go, so you know how you can't tell them apart?

It's both ways.

So just go back in the line and say you're there for.

Did you change out the accent?

No, they just go back.

You're just all round eyed to them.

They can't tell you apart.

So it is.

You know, they do that a lot.

That is crazy.

Yeah.

If you're an immigration officer, they're just like, whatever.

If you were, me and you were immigration, dude, everybody's getting, I don't know who the fuck this is.

Everybody's getting that.

Go, go, go.

Men, women, I don't know.

This is just a...

Seem about right.

Wait, so you need a work visa to work in those places.

Does the gig arrange that for you?

The gig, yeah, yeah.

I've gone out of some gigs.

I had that one time with China, too, that I got a gig, but then they also said, yeah, I just lie.

And I remember it was a good way for me to get out of the gig.

I was like, I don't feel comfortable with that.

I have one for Canada.

Early on, when we go to Canada from L.A., Saskatoon, places like that, it was like, hey, keep this off the books.

We don't have the money.

We're flying you up there and putting you up.

Like, that's about as much budget as we got.

We can't do this in the books.

So you have to lie and you have to think of a friend you're visiting.

Have some, they're like, have someone in mind from college.

Just say they live in Canada now.

Susie.

But have someone in mind so you can get the lie.

They're like, well, what's Susie up to?

Like, well, she majored in this.

You got to have someone in mind.

Yeah.

And so I would do that all the time.

And then I got a gig at Edmonton at the House of Comedy for Brunson.

Yeah.

And Tammy.

And then I was like, oh, I'm just here to visit a friend.

They're like, okay.

And well, how long you know them?

Like, oh, since college.

They're living up here.

And so, you know, like, what are you going to do?

Like, maybe fishing.

But we'll just hang out.

He's like, you're not working?

Like, no, no, just hang out with Susie.

And they're like, you guys romantic?

I was like, no, no, nothing like that.

They're like, okay, so you're not working?

Like, no.

So this flyer for your show, is that anything to do with what you're doing?

They Google screen.

And I was like, fuck, fuck.

And he goes, you know, they filled out the paperwork.

And I was like, what?

They go, yeah, it's all.

It's all on the books.

You don't have to lie.

I'm like, no, I didn't know that.

Yeah, immigration officers, they do this thing.

There's a, I don't know, the direct translation for it, but it's called hooking.

It's like an interview format.

It's you ask a question about the answer that they gave you.

That's how they do immigration.

Just do it.

So let's.

Get me.

You'd be the officer.

Okay.

Okay, Mr.

Jew.

Yeah.

Okay, Mr.

Jew.

This is for this is for Lebanon.

You're coming to Palestine.

Yeah.

So you're entering Palestine.

So, oh, so what do you do for work?

I just, I just, what am I saying?

Hold on, the sidebar.

Am I saying what I do or am I trying to?

Let's try.

You try to get away.

Okay, okay.

Sorry, back up to it again.

So, Mr.

Jew, what do you do for work?

I am in,

I import and export.

Already, I mean, fuck, fuck.

I import export.

I literally couldn't think of any profession.

Okay, well.

You do it to me.

Let's do it.

I am Mr.

Jew.

You are Palestine.

Okay.

I'm coming to do a gig.

Yeah, hold on.

I need a knife for this.

Oh, because, yeah, I'm mad.

Yeah, okay.

No.

Hey, Mr.

Drew.

How are you?

Your name is Ari.

That's interesting.

Wait, I don't know how I'm hooking you, though.

I got to be the hooked.

You got to be the hooker.

Oh, yeah, because you can't do that.

Yeah, I don't know where I was going.

Okay, I know one.

Okay, I got one.

Okay.

Oh, you.

Yeah, I got one.

I'm in Palestine?

Yeah, you're Palestine.

I'm the Jew.

Purpose of travel?

I'm just vacation.

Wow.

Where are you going?

I'm going into Gaza City and then little Gaza town.

Oh, have you been to Gaza before?

No, I'm excited about it, though.

Oh, you're excited.

Have you been there before?

No.

And what do you do for work?

I'm working at HR, the company I work at.

How long have you worked at HR?

This one, probably almost five years.

This one, almost five years, yeah.

Can you pause?

I'm crushing this now.

You are, you are, you are not improved by a lot.

And which company you...

Also, I'm not an immigration officer, but they're way better at this.

And what company did you work for before?

USFNG.

It's a sugar company.

So now if I Google this,

this is going to show up?

I don't think it'd be public.

Maybe.

I'm not sure.

But

we didn't upload anything.

Okay, this is going already terribly wrong because I'm not good at this.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Nice.

One, one, one.

No, that was great.

The one one.

That was good.

The first one.

Where's the hooking?

So hooking is that I ask.

And then you asked again?

Because people always, when you create alibis, where do you go?

You go, where did I work?

Or let's say you come with a girlfriend, right?

We separate you.

That's what they do.

We separate you, ask you questions.

And you've already rehearsed how long we've been together, five years.

Uh, but what's your favorite color?

Blue, but they won't ask you, it's not like an interview format, they do they ask the first question, a question about your answer, you have an answer, a question about that answer.

So, it's like, how long have you been together?

Where'd you meet?

What'd you uh, where'd you meet?

Yeah, oh, in Amsterdam, oh, when did you go there?

Then you say that, I googled when were you in Amsterdam, just to see.

Then I talk, oh, what was your what did you do in Amsterdam?

Like, you know, yeah, so create it, so creating this alibis.

And then you ask the other one, where'd you meet?

Like, Like, fuck me.

And I've been through, I've been to a couple of those and I've never had anything to hide, but I remember thinking how good they are.

They're always, those immigration are always really good about that technique of like, they'll ask you as soon and they ask you straight up too.

I had one in Canada.

Like, do you, are you, what are you doing here?

I was like, I'm working.

I'm here for the festival.

And it's like, okay.

You've been here before.

Like, yeah, like, do you have any grenades?

I'm like, what?

What?

Oh, really?

And she was like, I just want to see her reaction.

Oh, good.

How many places have you got these work visas in?

Canada and Australia.

I got one in New Zealand.

I never went to do it.

And London.

London.

What did you do in London?

Bartending and comedy.

God, bartending is a good skill, man.

Such skills, dude.

And the chicks are right there.

Yeah.

Great for an immigrant, too, because also most of them are fucking under the table.

You can steal.

We had a way

at a, I'll not say that, at a comedy club I worked at.

It was a bartender who was like, Do not pay me a salary.

Let me just work for tips.

She was, I don't know what kind of running from the law or whatever.

She goes, I can't be on the record.

And they're like, all right, sweet.

We'll save someone.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it was just like, just keep the tips.

In Canada, when I had the work visa,

you could.

What do you mean?

I say it like I'm from Quebec.

Canada.

Yeah, okay.

It's the letters.

Yeah.

Okay.

One of the

So yeah, you worked in Canada?

There was a the only job you can't do with the work visas usually is a strip club or

or if the whorehouse is permitted, you can't do those either.

Why?

I don't know why.

It's interesting.

It literally says on the visa is no strip club, no strip club.

Wow.

So you worked there, you made money there?

Yeah, and I worked during the year, I worked in a marijuana store when it was legalized, and I worked during the year it was legalized.

So it was a crazy process because before they would get the marijuana from all these columns, you know, when it's like half legal, same as Amsterdam, Spain is like that.

So then you have to basically only do it with fucking drug dealers.

Kind of like the California Hills things.

Those are not.

Yeah, early California, when it got legal, it was like armed guards all the time because we're not allowed to put it in banks.

We had, yeah, banks, exactly.

So it was in Canada.

And I always got 100 extra bucks every Friday because they would give 18 grand put in my backpack and I take it under the name of Rodrigo to another guy on the corner.

What?

And those guys usually get, if there's any situation, those guys usually get

something.

There was another, I worked at the dispensary where there was the way I got hired there.

It's so funny.

100 bucks.

Yeah, I know.

It's

mass.

It should be more.

Well, also, I stole with.

I'm like a Robin Hood.

The benefits.

To myself.

Yeah.

Steal from the rich, give to you.

Exactly.

I am poor.

Yeah.

So

I remember I got a job there the way I got.

I go for the interview.

There's a nice girl, Stephanie, who's married to the guy who owns the place.

And then there's another Estonian guy there working.

And he hears my accent and he peeks through the back door, you know, goes like, hey, what's up?

You know, and I'm like, oh,

and I say in Estonian.

He says it in Estonian in front of the boss.

He goes, just so you know, I'm stealing so much money here.

They just said it.

The Estonian guy in Estonian.

In Estonian.

In front of the girl goes, I'm stealing so much money here.

I'll recommend you.

And then in English goes, this guy is a, oh, I know this guy.

He's a

kiss on the lips.

You know, amazing employee.

Wow.

So apparently this other Estonian guy stole and then the Colombian, whoever brought the, this was during the legalization area, so it's very sketchy.

They want the money back.

Because they start collecting these debts because they understand legalization is coming.

Then you're kind of fucked.

It's all got to be.

Because now it's a federal issue.

You know, it's a federal issue now.

So now the government gets involved and now it's way shadier because the government kind of turns a blind eye if you do something shady.

You know, now.

So they come.

So they send some muscle.

They send some two guys with a leather jacket and they have a gun.

They don't look, they look like fucking goodfellas guys.

They're like older.

It's not threatening, but they keep the, they want to, they want you to see the strap just to let you know they mean business.

I'm in the back of the house.

I'm just fucking weighing the stuff.

And then a guy shows up with

the guns.

And then the front, the guy who works at the front, Rasta guy, he's like a weed guy.

He's already sweating bullets.

And I'm watching this go down through the, you know, the window.

That's only the one way.

So I can see what's happening.

Yeah.

And they come and they go, they go, we're looking for an Estonian.

And of course, the guy in the front goes.

Like,

and my friend, the other Estonian, he's here with me.

And he points through the, he points, goes like this through the door and closes the door.

So then we watch this go down.

And the guy with the dreadlocks, he don't got it.

You know, he's already...

He's not going to be cool about it.

They go, hey,

he's in the back.

You know, he folds immediately.

So then the guy go, open up the door.

And then I open up the door.

I go out there.

And then the muscle guys, they have a third guy there who's apparently the guy they do business with.

He's like a nerdy guy.

And he's here to recognize the Estonian, you know.

He he goes that's not the one then i go back and then he goes like no he literally looks at me goes he's not the one and the two muscle guys look at me go where are you from i go estonia they go how many estonians are in here apparently they had some previous problems too oh that was like an exciting that was like a fun job to have that was like a side job i had damn so when you're in these places you know like your year is coming up

it's 365 days or wherever it is or australia 365 days also australia a year yeah because i didn't do the farm work to get the second year visa.

That's how you get it.

Are you trying to like do a bunch of tourism stuff or are you just like, I'm just living in a city for I live in a city and well when comedy started that was the goal.

You know, that's why I moved to Vancouver as well.

Amazing comedy scene and all that.

But yeah, you do bartending jobs.

I love, I've always loved,

I mean, for money, I love doing like city jobs,

being a waiter.

Wait, so if also if you have a work visa, that means you can do, do you have to do just that job or can you do any job, any job to do that, and then also do a comedy game.

Absolutely, yeah, yeah.

It was great.

It was great.

Yeah.

It's perfect for that.

Yeah.

A lot of comics should do that.

Yeah, it's a great way to move around.

Like, like the dream when I was in hostels and stuff was like website design.

Yeah, so like once.

Once I'm a nomad,

I got to find a place to upload stuff.

Digital nomads.

Yeah, and then it's like, here's what I worked on.

Upload and go back to whatever.

You don't need an offer.

You know how many cities those digital nomads are ruining, right?

If you go to Portugal, they'll fucking stab you if they see you with a satchel and and a MacBook.

Because their local economy is fucking ruined.

Because they get all the nice apartments, of course.

But they don't really...

Because

you're not bringing in any money.

You're just taking up a fucking space.

Because you're making all your money with a scam, with crypto.

But you're spending it all.

You don't take any from the local.

You spend all.

Only spend, no make.

Maybe the rent part, but local.

Work for, I mean, that's not how a city is supposed to work.

You know, you're supposed to move to the city to a job that's in the city, paying local taxes,

income tax.

You're supposed to be part of the healthcare system.

You pay that.

That's your slot in the city.

You're allocated slot.

But because you're doing some crypto scamming through fucking Russians and Pakistanis, you're not.

You know what happened in America?

They were like, they were like, during COVID, they were like, hey, I don't have to go.

I'm working at Facebook.

I don't have to be near a Facebook office anymore.

I'm a coder.

Let me go live in Austin.

Let me go live anywhere.

And let me go live in the Czech Republic.

They'll let me in.

I'm still working there.

And then people are like, okay, you know, and I'm still getting these New York prices to work in the Czech Republic.

Exactly.

And then the boss is like, oh, no, John's in the Czech Republic.

It's cool.

And they go, wait, why don't we just pay someone check prices?

And then John's like, no, no, no, I'm an American.

Like, yeah, but you're right next door to some other guy who could do just as good a job as you for a quarter of the money.

Exactly.

And now the American workforce has been fucked.

Yeah, yeah.

Those digital fuck themselves.

And then they ruin communities too.

Like, like, I mean, Bali, perfect example.

It's all

work, work, workaway offices.

It's all like, yeah, digital nomads, hot chicks in a they get a nice house with a pool and they just fucking sell their pussy online and all the tax money goes to america or something you know they do only fans or they do some or they're like rich and they have a dad that gave them a business to sell soap just so the daughter shuts the fuck up you know and does something and then they're in indonesia and a party like oh my god traveling and all the local indonesians and it's fucking up the price because they're like i'll pay seven dollars for a beer everyone's like it's 40 cents russians did that with thailand that's why when you go to a tuk tuk in thailand they're all russian mafia now And they go like minimum 200 baht now.

Because they're like, that's what we can get.

If you go to Phuket, it's literally Russia.

The Russian art starts playing.

It's literally Russian science everywhere.

Literally, small Thai girls walk up to you and they go, Strust with you, I didn't be back.

Full Russian.

Because that's why they go.

This is why we bleep out fucking names of places.

I don't want a bunch of people going, like, oh, I heard it's cool.

Let's go there and ruin it.

Yeah.

Oh, exactly.

Yeah.

That's happening.

So then you have to go.

Now, Thailand, like Copanyan, the empire has fallen.

It's dog shit now.

So you have to go.

You just keep, have to go.

Further.

I've heard good things from my backpacking friends that are still out there, fucking no, SimCard, no nothing.

I've heard good things about Nepal now, that it's developed enough so you feel safe, just like Thailand was 15 years ago.

Yeah, it's this in-between thing.

I should tell you about Thailand by Russians.

Oh.

A significant influx of Russian tourists and residents.

Yeah, nice.

Yeah.

Look, Russian-only businesses, that happens.

It's Russian-only.

This is what the Jews do in New York and also the Asians, the Chinese, where they only put the ads out for the apartments in either Hebrew or Chinese.

In Vancouver, it's easier to get an apartment in Chinese than it is.

Yeah, and then

if your Chinese friend says, oh, I found one, and you apply, they're like, what are you doing here?

Like, for the apartment?

They're like,

it's just been rented.

By Jingpeng.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then they just rent it later.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So those and those digital nomads, yeah, Portugal is like, they're going through a fucking big thing.

Where do you want to go?

Where did you want to go work?

I mean, you're here now, I guess, doing the same thing.

Yeah.

Oh, that's interesting.

Never picture America as a place you would go work away.

But I'm doing, yeah, but now it's like stand-up comedy only, you know.

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Where did you want to go that you never got to?

I've been every country in Europa, every country in St.

Petersburg.

You've been every country in Europe.

Okay,

if we're going to go into, yeah, you can name Turkmenistan or start.

Macedonia, something like that.

Macedonia been.

bin, bin, bin.

Let's go, European Union.

Let's go.

Let's go like that.

Is Estonia Eastern Europe or is that just Scandinavia?

It's close to, we like to say Northern Europe, but our behavioral traits are definitely Eastern European, but they hate that.

Every time I say I'm Eastern European, all these Estonian comments are always like, we're actually north because we want to be Finland and you want to be Scandinavia.

We want to be so bad.

But if you go to our streets and you take a tram and you eat a dumpling in your mouth, every Swedish person looks at you like, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, it's funny.

I was talking to Ryan Chang about it.

It was like, where does Scandinavia?

It's like there's three Europs.

There's Europe, Europe, there's Scandinavia, and there's Eastern Europe.

And then Greece is another.

But we're definitely not like Romania or Macedonia.

You're not like them.

Definitely not.

But you're not like Djurken-Birken Dirk.

Not full.

You're right off Helsinki, though.

And that's where all the Finnish people come to fuck our women.

They're fucking up our economy, by the way.

They fuck our women and buy all the booze.

They're the ones that our economy actually relies on.

They don't fuck it up.

We live in the Finnish.

But finished vodka is like a huge thing.

They go to Estonia?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

The prices in Finland are insane, dog.

That's it.

In Estonia, you can get a

dog on that.

In Estonia, for the same money in Finland, like for a thousand euros in Estonia, I get a mansion with two hookers I can shoot with a crossbow.

It's in the menu.

In Finland, you get a fucking apartment with two whiskeys.

Yeah.

And they send you a cleaning fee later.

Estonia.

You can burn down, you can keep the dead hookers in the building, burn it down, and they say thank you.

I gotta go.

I really wanna go.

It's cheap, yeah.

Yeah, but not just that.

I just seems cool.

It seems like the sauna culture is really cool.

Sona culture is amazing.

Listen, Estonia is amazing.

The silence of the bog.

When you go into the bog, the silence.

You're in a sauna.

Dick out.

Pussies out, ticks out.

Nobody, there's no problems with nudity.

What do you mean, the bog?

The bog.

What does that mean?

It's the bog.

So is it like sauna's out in the woods?

What do you mean, the bog and the sauna?

You know what the bog is?

Just like the fog

in the woods out there?

It's the fog and it's the bog

because it's the, what is it?

The swamp.

Swamp.

It looks like Barry Weiss.

The bog is so swamp, right?

Remember that Barry Weiss-Rogan episode where she goes tells the gabbers a toady for Siri?

And Joe Rose, like, what does that mean?

And she goes, I think it means what it means.

Jamie, look that up.

And he goes, no, no, does the word toady mean?

And she goes, I think I'm right.

He goes, just then just tell me.

And she keeps going, Jamie, look that up.

Look that up.

Yeah.

What the fuck is bog?

It's a foggy swamp.

Am I correct?

Okay, there you go.

See.

Oh, yeah.

I don't like that they say poorly drained soil.

Hey, this is a rich soil.

That seems like where they make a skin.

Okay, go, go, go, go, go.

Go Estonian bog.

Just put Estonian bog in it.

Just do it.

Just why are you guys not doing it?

Just do it.

Don't be scared.

And

look where I spend my time see this bog is near my house which is the first one the first one that one yeah it's like a 45 minute walk away and so you just walk are there animals that they can get you no no no no no animals and a nice bear who might run away and give you a smile a nice bear yeah but nothing nothing like canadian where it's gonna rip you apart and keep you as a fuck toy

you know they do that they bring you back to the cage

the the cave cage and keep you alive to keep you alive

um wait so the so there's a sauna out there no we do sauna i have a a sauna in my apartment i had a sauna before i had to bed

i hear they all have that and we sauna every day you get that tranquility in the heat you sweat with your friend balls out you open up to him you say things in the heat in the heat and the haze you don't even know then you go out to the bulk you take a dip in the ice cold water there's no highway even in the country we don't have we don't have these american fucking six that are hum the hum see that's that's what america always gets me i looked for for an apartment in Los Angeles, and the back looked over a highway, and I was like, Oh, it's a highway.

She goes, It's like white noise, it's like the ocean.

And I'm like, Well, it's not exactly like this.

Lady was so wanted to sell this apartment or like rent it out.

And I was like, It's not exactly like the ocean.

She goes, Yes, it is.

It's exactly like the ocean.

I'm like, All right, let's get out of here.

The hum.

Yeah.

Beep, beep, some guy getting stabbed.

It's the, it's the, yeah, so real quiet.

Stone is really quiet.

You can, and if it's like, uh, if it's winter, you know, it causes snow causes insulation because it's all on the trees.

You start hearing your heartbeat and the blood in your veins flow because it's so quiet.

You hear your body functioning

after that sauna.

And you're just sitting and steaming in the snow.

Wait, wait, wait.

These are out in the bog?

These saunas?

Yeah, there's saunas everywhere.

So you drive out the sauna.

The bog is everywhere.

We have the most amount of bog in the world, by the way.

So you drive out.

Whoa.

Look at this.

This is where I live.

Look at Mezco.

Tallinn smoke sauna.

Oh, it's a smoke one.

There's all kinds of different ones, but the smoke sauna is amazing.

It's part of our culture.

And look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this.

Look at these fucking nymphs off to the left.

What the fuck out of society are they starting?

This is what we're doing, actually.

Have you watched the movie Meet Soul Mar?

Oh, yeah.

Because how we live.

Look at that.

That's literally Estonia.

Go up, go up, up, up, up.

Yeah, that one.

No, no, down, down, down.

No, no, right, right, right.

Yeah, that one.

Man, that's nice.

Yeah.

And you go there.

And so they're out in the woods.

And so who's paying?

Does it see the one on the left there?

Yeah.

Who runs that?

Is that a business?

No, that's probably, yeah.

See, this seems like a tourist farm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, Hopsalu.

See, traditional Estonian sono experience.

Hopsal is an amazing spot with an amazing forest and an amazing ocean.

Oh, look at that steam coming up behind.

So this is where the Jews and the Estonians meet up, in the Schwitz.

This is also where the gays and the Jews and the Estonians meet up.

The Schwitz.

What's the Schwitz?

Schwitz is a Yiddish word for sweat.

And we call them.

Oh, so we weren't the biggest fans of the

Jews?

Of the EU then.

Why not?

Well,

you can't play.

Well, that's we don't like this.

Anything with tip in it, we're like, we're not fans of.

Oh, look, Leon's in that one.

Hey,

not exactly.

Wait, let's go back to work visas.

We'll do Estonia another time.

You have to come to Estonia.

I have to come to Estonia.

We should take a trip there.

Yeah.

You should do a gig there.

If you have like four days.

Estonia used to be, when you go to Edinburgh, it was like, that's the one gig you get out of Edinburgh.

Yeah.

With some guy who books a show in Estonia.

And my former manager, Lewis.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Hey, we're going to go.

And then right from Edinburgh, you went,

what's his name?

Evan DeMarie.

He got that gig.

and it was like it was like, Oh, sick, I just got another five-day gig in Estonia.

And I'm like, Why didn't they ask me?

Yeah, we didn't know you would come.

Well, that's how you ask.

Yeah, um, how much do these work visas cost?

Um, $300 to $600 mostly.

And then you're set for the year

for the six months or whatever.

You're set for the year, yeah.

It's mostly a year.

I've never heard a six-month one.

I think it might be American going to Australia or other people going to Australia.

I heard it's like you can work for six months up until you're like 26 years old.

No, it's a year.

And now they raised, because they need more slaves, they raised the age from 30 to 35.

They keep going up.

Now there's 35 year olds with 19 year olds at these hostels.

Fucking.

Oh, getting in there.

Oh, they're creeps.

The older ones are just creeps.

At a hostel, it's always funny that there was that one guy.

Because therefore sex.

Because we're all young people having the time of our life.

And this guy's on his last leg.

Like, hostel is a crazy spot where those people, there's a guy going through the fucking.

It is where, because there is a lot of fucking, but it's like, it's not about that.

It's not about that.

And then somebody hears, like, I heard there's a lot of fucking at these places.

You're like, dude, if you go like that,

chill.

We're playing card games mostly.

I'm meeting a guy from Brazil.

Yeah.

I'm talking about fucking his childhood.

Yeah.

Is there a lot of trade on like info about where the other tourists' like workspots are?

Yeah.

Oh, a lot of trade.

If you find a good farm, you swap.

There's a lot of groups on Facebook.

I also, my primary backpack years were when Facebook, the groups were a thing.

But right now,

you can be in Bolivia and go

Work Visa, Bolivia, Youth Hostel, Reddit, and you'll find the info.

Isn't that like a farm, some sort of farm website?

Like

work on farms or farm, something with farms.

There's got to be something like that.

Good question.

It's like work on.

That's a good question to your own question.

You wrote one.

It does sound like that.

Oh, any loopholes?

Yeah, the whole thing.

You go to the farmer, you pay him to sign you off.

But then, also, see, this is the thing.

Also, you're committing immigration fraud,

which is like an international crime.

And that can also come to bite you in the ass in the future, even if you got signed off.

Yeah.

So that was the only thing because always my dream was moving to America.

I never wanted to ruin my chances with that.

That's the thing.

It's like I said, if I get crop farming, nah, there's there's a farm website.

Indeed, no.

Is it wolf?

Is it what?

W-W-O-O-F.

Oh, farmwork.

Farmwork.com.

It might be that.

Oh, it might be wolf.

Yeah, where they just

like it's something to an organizer.

Wolfing.

Yeah, if you go work and live on their farm.

Woofing is a thing.

Yeah, you live on the, but that wolfing is like the primary scam for these farms because under wolfing, you don't sometimes don't, most of the times, you don't even get paid.

Because it's like stension for free.

Yeah, because you that extension, and then they fuck you.

This is just Saudi Arabia.

Little mini Saudi Arabia's.

They're like, you can't go anywhere.

You need to.

Inshallah.

Dude, it's so funny how some of these sites started well, like couch surfing was such a cool, good idea.

As soon as

Uber, what a wonderful thing.

A hardware.

I'll drive you.

I'll drive you.

Give me 10 bucks.

I'll drive where you're going.

Give me 10.

I need a side hustle, my friend.

Give me 10 bucks.

I'll drive you to the airport.

And now, and you know they did Uber for women, but when, but what is that badly drive?

Like, can't can't stay in your lane?

Car stops at lights for no reason.

We agree in China and keep the women

in the back seat.

Yeah,

no, just stop right here.

My gates right here.

No, just stop right.

My gates right here.

Just stop right here.

Ma'am, just stop.

So they did Uber for women, which is like women for women, so you don't get as much.

Were there, wait, but Uber weren't a thing.

Every app, every ride share.

Yeah.

Yeah, every Rideshare app.

Listen, men,

we will find

this episode.

We need a cover word for

just a straight bleep.

We need

another word.

Grape.

Yeah, I don't know if that is.

Grape.

Something unrelated.

A good sexual time.

It's too long.

Men will always make you have a good sexual time no matter what.

We'll find a way.

Yeah.

That's it.

Sadly.

I used to.

Couch surfing was so cool.

Yeah, go ahead.

Remember when there were like stand-up workshops were popular with clubs, you know, they would do like Tuesday stand-up workshop.

I would always, I would, whenever they would invite me to do it, I would always say, men, if you're starting comedy, the only way you'll make it, all you got to do is not.

You'll outlive the r

yeah.

And apparently, statistically, it turns out this is nearly impossible to do.

So if you don't, you'll make it.

There's like eight comics who have it.

Literally.

Literally.

If you go to a green room now, it's fucking skimmed out.

It's not that bad.

So it's very bad.

So they did women for women, so they did women for women.

And then, of course, the ⁇ put on a wig, pick you up, click.

But like, you're on the hook.

They have you on.

I remember like when I was in the middle of the day.

But then you'll get

a bungee fucking.

But I remember when Tinder became a thing and women were like, I'm so worried about meeting this guy.

I'm like, why?

There's a record of it now.

As

before, it's like my friend told me there's a guy.

It's always bad if you have to tell a woman, relax.

There's a record of it.

Relax.

It's going to be fine.

It's like blind date for a guy.

You know, it's like the worst case scenario for a guy, blind date is that she's fatter than in the pictures.

Worst case scenario for a girl, I have to bite into

the fucking

leather in the car just so my parents get closure.

Hey,

can you turn on his radio on

my body?

Yeah, scrape your name in here.

Yeah, literally.

That's.

What other questions are we not asking about?

Wait, but you asked me a question, and I started talking about for some reason.

And guys will always extend your

wolf away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Couch surfing.

And now wolfing is a great thing.

Couch surfing is so good, though.

I just wanted to drink your dick, or you're not going to get the visa, you know.

Yeah, it's the creeps.

Men will always.

I was in Myanmar, and there was some, there were two like hollows.

I love how the British word.

I did it quite a bit.

You mean

it?

You mean good sexual time?

Yeah, we got to use the word Chad every time we cover it.

Chad?

I just know.

Oh, he's in a chat word.

Listen, men will always be a chad and chatted up.

God damn it.

Chad means something in English, right?

What?

In England?

Isn't it a chad?

Yeah, Chad is like a...

You mean Chev?

Maybe Chev.

Chev, isn't it?

But Chad is American for like a guy who's like a douchebag, no?

Is that the Chad tattoo?

It's gone through many iterations.

Now it's Chad.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Well, now it's red.

There's a Chad tattoo of Thailand.

Was it the Chad tattoo or something else?

It's when you have like scrape up from driving your moped too fast.

Oh, it's the kiss of

in Bali, it's the kiss of the.

It's the Bali kiss.

That's when you have that, you know, the exhaust.

Oh, that.

The exhaust, the scar of the exhaust.

We had it, it was all these chads, like, I can go 90k, I'm fine.

And then you're like, no, that fucking scrape.

Everybody falls.

Yeah, it's literally the Thai tattoo.

It's right next to the leg.

Yeah, it is.

Kind of Bali tattoo.

Yeah, it's crazy.

I know so many,

many nights where I've been backpacking in Thailand and I've been...

You go do like a jungle rave and you're obliterated on shroomi, woo-mi, weed.

Rando drugs.

Just

everything.

And then booze, and then you...

No helmet.

Or everybody goes, wear a helmet.

The helmet they give you is literally...

Have you...

It's just this thin little cap top thing.

It's a The face will be smashed.

No, no, everything's smashed anyway.

And also, have you tried those helmets and hit it?

Why does it hurt more?

This doesn't hurt.

Put that helmet on.

It hurts more.

It literally hurts more.

Why is no one stealing this helmet?

Because it's worth it.

So it distributes.

The pain.

So instead of losing speech here with the accident, I'm going to lose all of it.

Wait.

What else are we not talking about for work visas?

What have we not covered?

I don't know if this is the work work visa episode, bro.

I mean, it's just a loose fucking thing.

We got to shift it.

We'll do another one for Vancouver or for or for anywhere.

Wait, what else have we covered for work visa?

If Joe's going to hear this one, he's going to be like, I told you not to have a theme.

I told you not to have a theme.

No, it's a good one.

It's all been travel.

Yeah.

It's been great.

It's been great.

But I love those motorbike.

My favorite thing in the universe, this is why I'm a backpacker and like a traveler at heart, too.

That feeling I get when I'm in a place, even Bangkok, even though it's a city, I don't don't mind.

What I love is I have my motorbike and I have a backpack and I pick a direction and I go and I'm a nobody.

And I know if I crash this motorbike, it's officially over.

Yeah, like no one's gonna even, they're not gonna even get closure.

Great rumble from the stomach, huh?

Pulling in a piss hard.

You want to piss?

No, but yeah.

After I shit on stage on Kill Tony, I'm not pissing on the podcast anymore.

Oh, you did do that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Were you there that night?

Kill Tony Vegas?

Yes, I watched.

First time, when I was watching the third entering your asshole, I kind of realized one thing.

I realized one thing.

I've never seen an asshole shit.

I don't have kids.

I never seen my own asshole shit.

I've never put the mirror up there.

I've never, I've seen, describe it.

I've seen shit under my balls come out, but I've never seen it open up and the third comes out and then the asshole closes back up.

And then another third with the note comes out

dude when i saw you do that i kept yelling in the back i was like he had the note the whole time it's like two hours you sat and did a podcast with a note up your ass yeah

i i even told him i was like hey i need this i need this announcement like printed on paper and they gave me this thick cardstock i'm like no this won't do like why it looks good i'm like it's i need it thinner No wonder our interview didn't click.

I was like, that was kind of weird, me and Ari.

And no wonder you had a third up your, you had a paper up your ass.

And a poop ready to go there.

That was crazy.

On command.

Like, bam.

And yeah, your asshole is just like, you have a kind of an asshole that gives you a little bit of like,

like, you ever, you when you're, you know, when you're banging and you're pulling your dick out and it, and it looks like it's trying to keep it back in.

It's good, like a blade.

It's pretty hot.

Yeah.

That's what your asshole did with the turd.

Like, it kind of came out.

It was kind of like, remember the alien when he has the small alien in the stomach, in the mouth?

Can you get a picture of that?

Like an extra part came out, and then it closed back up, and then another part.

First time I've seen it.

And you also,

the way you did it, that you went full nude, a naked Jew man, taking a shit.

I should have kept my shirt on.

It's insane.

I was workshopping it afterwards.

I had to Protect Our Park shirt on him.

I should have branded that.

I had three friends there.

Three chicks.

They're like, one is a singer, one is a, and two are supermodels, like actual supermodels.

They were there for me.

They don't even know comedy.

They don't know Kill Tony.

They don't even know.

Because this isn't even base-level comedy.

This is like, it relies on you knowing about skanks, knowing about Kill Tony, a long, fucking year-long setup.

This is like talking conspiracy theories, you know.

It's like, you got to know the basics.

Yeah.

Before we even bring up JFK.

But like,

so there it is.

And then at one point,

I remember, you know, there's that point, like, you know, when somebody has something covered in shit in their hand, you know, there's always a point when somebody, like when you were a kid, when you're 15 years old, somebody picks up dog poop on the stick.

Yeah, you know, there's always a moment where you see the guy pause, look at the dog poop, and you know, everybody knows what he's thinking.

I remember you were wiping your ass, and remember, you looked at

the shit.

You looked at the shit in your hand, and all in the crowd can see your...

You know what's going to happen.

And you could see from the front, like World War Z when the zombie was on the plane.

You could see people start clearing up and i see my i see my i see my i see my three friends the chicks the supermodels they're like they're like like a bomb's going off they're like and everybody can see what you're thinking and i remember you looking up and then you look towards the crowd and everybody's just everybody knows what you're and you start throwing shit

this is such a long setup seven years ago i pissed into a cup i pissed into a cup during naked roast and then zachamiko's there and my first thought I was like, oh, that's funny.

I pissed on camera.

It was one of the first ones.

Exactly.

But now suddenly, new moment, I have a cup of piss.

I just thought I'd piss, but now I have a cup of piss.

I look at the crowd, thought about it.

I'm like, I got to do it.

And then I looked at Zach.

He gave me a look.

Off, do it on me.

Do it, which he now says, I don't know what you're talking about.

That was not what that look said.

And then I just threw it in his face as he was bleeding from staples.

Hit him perfectly.

A year later, Louis Gomez had to weigh in.

He was as fat as Bert.

He had to weigh in.

We made it.

He goes, well, I don't know what my weight is.

I had a scale for him.

I was like, piss.

He goes, let me piss first to get as low as possible.

He weighed above this.

I'm in the crowd celebrating with mistake.

My back turned to

the stage.

And Lewis jumps off and then just dumps his piss on my head.

So this is all a bit of a bad thing.

So I kind of see why British comedians shit on American comedy sometimes.

Yeah, we're not eyebrow.

And then, yeah, I threw.

Yeah, what a fun.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

Because I've seen a a lot of peace.

You sound Lewis doing right over his head.

Wow.

Missed him.

But to be honest, you know what I do like about you?

I'm kind of that guy.

Hold on, hold on.

Pause.

The way you said that implies a lot of things.

You know one of the few things that I do like about you.

It implies I don't like almost everything.

Yeah.

You know what I do like about communism?

We disagree on everything, but one three we agree on is the Chinese and the peace.

I have always been a guy like that, too.

Like, if we're in a cabin in the bog with the boys and the party needs to go to the next level i'm the first to take my dick out i'm the first to sit in something always flat no no always flat this is not sexual assault this is a goof yeah this is a goof yeah i always take my dick out i piss i i i haven't but

if there's something yeah if it if they if it needs to take the party up like you did yeah let's take this episode

I totally agree with that.

Because I remember other comedians around me like, how could he do that?

And I'm like, I totally see it.

If we need to go down, yeah.

Netflix got mad at me, too.

They go, Tony Hitchcliffe was disgusted by it.

I'm like, Tony helped me plan it.

Exactly.

Tony loves that too.

If we're going to shit in a bucket, he goes, if you shit in a bucket, who's going to see it?

I'm like, oh, you're right, Tony.

Intelligent guy.

No one gives him credit.

Yeah, if we're like around cool guys and we're having a party and we're in the bulk, me, you, Tony, you know, all three of us will look at each other and be like, something has to go on somebody, up somebody's ass.

And I'm happy to be the guy who puts it.

If Bobby Lee's not there, then somebody's got to do it.

Something is going to go up my ass at some point if I'm at a party.

It's just about bound to happen.

I brought

two candy bars, Twix, and a and a which are the two thin ones, and whatever, and I put it in Bobby's freezer to Tiger Belly.

And he goes, What were the candy bars for?

And I go, You know what they're for.

Oh, no.

And he just was like, I'm not putting stuff on my ass anymore.

And I was like, How'd you know what I went?

Oh, yeah, Bobby Lee seems like a guy who does fun stuff too.

Yeah, he does fun stuff.

Yeah.

That was fun.

Wait, why did we get on that?

Welcome to the Work Visa podcast.

Is there anything that gets your vircus

revoked?

What's a revoke?

Like taken away.

Taken a visa?

Yeah, of course.

Do you call it drugs or anything?

Yeah, drugs is a big one.

If I like

anybody,

they might...

Actually, in America.

No, but for real.

What do you have to avoid?

Like, I can't work drive.

Anything criminal.

So So name a criminal thing.

You can't do it.

Drunk driving, though, but you still do it.

Do you know Canadian?

That's why Canadian comics sometimes don't go into America.

They're like, you don't want to make it?

They're like, I can't.

Because I have drunk driving.

I was fucking fucked up in Alberta with the boys, and now I can't go to America.

Vice versa, too.

I dunno in America.

You can't get in a candle to even work.

You're like, I'm not going to drive.

I know.

We don't want you here.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

So there's that

same thing in Estonia, too.

If you have a criminal

denied?

No.

Have you ever had a work visa denied?

I've always been like a piece of shit

around corporations but when i started traveling the first thing i knew to do is do everything you can to keep your passport that's why i don't like to go to dubai either you know you know give it away and they come back ten minutes later where was my passport where's my passport you're fucked without that passport take a xerox of that isn't that isn't it no but

yeah exactly why do you need my original how crazy is that we're still there that like we have this paper thing that a poly

random poly guy on a scooter can grab yeah and now i'm nobody.

You don't exist.

Like you're not even in a scooter.

So that's what I, that's my only thing that I've always been really clear about is trying to, yeah.

The night work visa.

Yeah, it's criminal activity mostly.

Yeah, the drunk driving one is like, especially scooter.

You know what I tell people to look for in a scooter?

We forgot that part.

Some of the trunks are about this thin and some are about this.

Look for the trunks.

You want to be able to put some shit in there and lock it.

You ever have like a secondary wallet that's meant to get stolen?

I have that.

I used to.

Well, I used to have that.

That's a good one.

I never did one of those.

Yeah, just one of those.

I know what you mean.

Sock, money sock, a little money in the wallet.

Oh, you got me.

There goes $20.

Yeah.

You ever been robbed?

I've been robbed.

One time I got robbed.

I met my girlfriend, Australian girlfriend.

We met in Bali.

I was backpacking the other places.

She had to work in Australia to get more money.

So we meet and we go out for a walk and they rob us.

These children.

They rob us.

I have my armor on my girl and they go in the backpack.

But the cute little boys, they're grabbing my leg.

They're making funny faces.

Distracting you.

Distracting me.

Wow.

We go to the hostel.

We find everything's been stored on the phone.

Her passport.

Luckily American.

Her passport.

Fuck.

Luckily, American passport.

And an American embassy, you can literally, if you're an American, they hear you, you can go straight.

And that's a thing.

There's the minefield there.

What did they do with the passport they stole?

I know, but they just take everything and they just throw it away.

That's annoying, right?

But some people, in that Cuba, I heard, they'll go into the safe and they'll take your passport along with your money to the passport, too.

But I'm like, what's the passport?

No, please.

If you're a thief out there, you're not going to do anything with it.

Give me the license.

My identity is not worth it.

Ooh, I get to be the guy who watches Ari shit now.

You know, like, my identity is not worth anything.

You know, I'm not joe rogan so just keep the passport and then we go to the um go to back to the hostel and i'm so angry that i go out and i terminate her around you know when you walk around and you're like this i look for these kids in my head i'm like i'm gonna pummel these kids to death

find some random other kids

he's like mama i know i was so upset because I'm a 20, 22, 23, 24-year-old man who, you know, if somebody takes something from your girl, does that.

Yeah, you got to, it's like emasculating.

I couldn't fuck my girl right.

Right.

I can't fuck you right after we just got behooveled by little children.

Behooveled.

Look that word up.

Yeah.

I can't fuck you correctly.

You know, I need to find these children.

And fuck them.

Bring their head to my girl.

Yeah.

That way she gets extra wet.

I get extra hard because I'm a man.

I'm a Viking.

I'm a protector.

I need to stand for my girl.

They're getting hot in the booth.

And then she, I ruined our whole vacation, our week together in Bali, because I'm so tense about this incident.

But she was like a hippie girl, and she taught me at that time too.

I learned that because I'm still so a suburban kid.

I need to keep my stuff.

I had all these bullshit values of manhood in my head.

And now I ruined our little fucking week of in Bali by feeling like a bitch.

Just touch.

Yeah, I feel like a bitch.

And that moment, I realized that was my first robbery.

Now I've had a few.

And every time it happens, I always think like,

you know.

Yeah, you need to take like a minute to be like, that sucked.

Let me feel this for five minutes.

Exactly.

And then go, well, we're here now.

Don't let it ruin everything.

I still have my wallet, okay?

Or I still have something.

Let's just have a good time.

We're in Bali.

Let's have fun.

The feeling will always be.

If you get robbed in America and they said, sorry about that, here's a free ship to Bali to make up for you.

You'd be like, okay.

So you're there.

Enjoy.

One time in Cambodia, I go to my hotel room.

Everything's gone.

No.

No.

Everything.

But you know what is there?

On the nightstand.

My little passport.

They left it.

They left it.

Nice.

Cambodia, underrated place.

And I remember when I saw it, my first thought was, oh, thank God that I didn't come in while it's happening.

I don't want to fight with you.

Yeah.

Just take it.

That's why, like,

this is what you do if you go in there, Rob, and you're like, uh,

wrong room.

That's what I'll be back in Florida.

Really?

That's what I just do it.

I don't, because the trauma I'm going to have from this physical combat, okay, I might kill you, but it's going to happen that I'm all

I'm Jay Leno, and we're both in the kitchen

And we're and we're you know the have you seen the video the Jay Leno?

He's all anyway, I'll show it later

The booth boys no, what's up

Oh wait he got apparently beat him up Yeah, but he stories he fell down a hill.

Oh, that's a good one.

That's me in the kitchen floor with

a dead with a dead Cambodian boy here who tried to rob me.

What's the outcome?

I'm never gonna do stand-up again because I'm traumatized.

My dick ain't going to get hard.

Actually, it might because I killed some.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know.

I don't know what the rules are.

It always gets soft, it gets hard.

Exactly.

So that's the thing about home invasion.

You know, in America, they do that.

Do you know about cat burglars?

What they do?

So if they catch you,

if you catch a cat burger, man catches a man,

they're not violent.

They don't want to mug you.

They're just trying to hope you're not there.

So the only way they can get you to not report to the police is they have to chad you.

They have to chad you.

Oh, oh, chad.

So now you're

the merchant.

So now they have, so now you'll be too embarrassed to report it.

I don't know any of it.

Where did you hear this?

Capital.org.

Okay, okay.

Becoming a capitalist.

I don't know.

Is that a true thing?

Look that up.

Maybe that's an urban legend.

No, you look it up, dude.

Calling me your report.

Chaddest.

So that's why.

This is a tip for anybody who wants to rob me.

If you find out where I live, you find out where Ari lifted it.

No, come in.

To the last word.

Come in,

knock.

Yeah.

And say, give me all your shit.

I will help you pack.

I will literally,

I don't want the fight in the kitchen floor.

I don't want none of that.

Yeah.

No, I guess it's not there.

It would be.

Golden State killer suspect maybe LinkedIn earlier.

Wow.

They're still looking for that car.

Jesus Christ.

I like it.

The unbelievable story of Chad.

Look at that.

Hey, Siri, do capillaries often.

Chad.

Jesus Christ.

Siri's not going to answer that, my friend.

Okay, I found this on the web.

For do capillaries often checked out.

Chad.

What?

They say that?

Siri says Chad?

Siri says Chad.

That's crazy.

Does it say the N-word?

We got to get her to say it.

We got to get her to say it.

Hey, Siri, can you repeat this word?

Chad?

Sorry, I can't.

Oh, damn.

Oh, Chad is much better.

Chad is.

They're lying.

Sirius, like, here's what I found, Ari.

Where to do it?

All right.

All right.

Let's wrap this up.

I feel like we've covered it.

What?

This was the craziest podcast I've ever done.

This was a wild one.

I don't know what happened.

Yeah.

Well, we'll go to a real country another time.

The next episode.

This was fun, though.

So much fun.

Yeah.

Everybody, check out Ari Maddie's podcast.

It doesn't exist yet.

And

I'm going to put in stuff what?

I really loved...

When I was starting comedy, there was a moment when I was struggling.

I remember I heard you had a podcast where you were talking about getting passed at the paid regular.

Comistry, yeah.

And I remember you had a sentence where you go, when people say they believe in something,

that's not believing.

It's not believing.

And they say, like when people hear you believe in something and they say, that's great, and you should believe in something.

That's not believing.

Believing is when everybody else says your dream is stupid and you still believe.

I remember you saying that?

That kept me for 10 years on

struggling.

Leap of faith.

When everybody else tells you.

Because everybody likes these cool stories where everybody's like, you go, Ari, do your comedy.

Yeah, I believed in myself.

It's like everyone believed in you.

What is that?

Exactly.

Yeah, yeah.

But when everyone's like, it's like an NBA.

This isn't for you.

And you're like, I can.

That's a

real leap of faith.

It's like an NBA athlete successful from high school.

Well, we're going to see your fucking franchise.

Yeah.

But if everybody.

That's good.

Yeah, exactly.

And in the beginning, you're so bad that everyone's like, you're not good at this.

And you weren't.

But some people are good.

Not right away, though.

Yeah.

Okay.

I ask everybody this.

Travel tips, either general or specific to a place.

Some people like Pac Light.

Some people like put mushrooms in your, in your

what is it, granola.

And some people like, when you go to Cuba, bring American dollars.

Maha.

So any travel tip.

Well, true.

US dollar.

If you have US dollar,

$100

anywhere in the world will get you somewhere where you need to be.

It will get you a meal.

It will get you the cab right to the airport.

It will get you to the embassy when you're in trouble.

It will get you the police.

$100, always good to have.

That's actually my advice when you do mushrooms.

Put your phone down.

Put $100 in a pocket and another $100 in another pocket.

And no matter what, you'll be able to get back to where you're.

Exactly.

Secondary wallet, I did say that.

Secondary wallet.

The number one trial tip I would give all around is

don't believe the hype.

When people tell you, don't go to Peru, they'll fucking stab you.

Don't believe the hype.

Trust me, right now, right this moment, there's people in Iran having the most beautiful day, having a croissant or a fucking whatever the local pastry is.

There's people

in Gaza right now riffing around coffee.

There's people in Ukraine right now walking in a beautiful street with the sun and the snow coming down because it's fall.

Don't be Poland, beautiful.

When people go to Dubai, they go, I love that it was so safe everywhere.

Yeah, they told me in Cuba, like, the food's terrible.

Like, I had pretty good food.

Pretty good food.

Everywhere in the world, you can have an amazing experience with amazing food and a nice cup of coffee, local alcohol.

People say, Mongolia, we don't go to Mongolia.

Probably, I've never been.

Let's be honest.

If you Google Mongolia Mountains, it's going to be the most beautiful place you've ever been in your life.

And you can go through something that will change your life.

Don't believe the hype.

People go, Moldova, what a shithole.

One of the most beautiful places you've ever been in in a fucking damn here we go damn look at those eagle hunters oh life is really bad yeah i love being wow look at that look at that that's a fucking bog bro yeah

yeah

yeah look at baby being in that

wow new york is awesome wow i'm in an alley covered in piss

that's a good point you know when they go

to paris Yeah, oh, it does smell like piss every third block.

Piss everywhere, and I can't even see the Eiffel Tower from my my room.

What the fuck is that thing on the left?

Look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this, look at this.

Sacred Mountains.

Everywhere is beautiful.

Go to...

Put in Google.

What's a...

Put.

Yeah, put in Google.

Hold on.

Put that in.

Put in Google.

What's a pha?

The pha.

Put

it in.

Yeah, that's it.

Enter that.

Oh, Julia Michaels.

I love that.

Oh, Julia Michaels.

You're actually the dream of Michael.

Wait, wait.

You can put in Iran Beach.

Put in Iran Beach.

I don't even know what that means.

I've never been to Iran.

But put in Iran Beach.

Let's see what happens.

Look at this.

Damn.

Anywhere you go.

Where are the fucking house?

Yeah.

Look at the red beaches.

The fuck is that?

That's what I'm saying, dude.

Anywhere in the world you go,

it's going to be amazing.

You're somewhere else.

Look at that chick swimming in a fucking

fucking

paper bag.

Okay.

Jesus, she's a fucking, she's swimming up next to.

It looks like she's wearing a fucking disguise.

Like, you can't see me if I'm covered.

Caspian Beach.

Damn.

Look at that red.

What is that?

Silver and red beach of Hormuz.

Hormuz!

Hormuz Island.

I bet you have a fucking.

That's on the list now.

That's on the fucking list now.

You have the Giki Sauce, Hormus.

Look at those guys down there burying a Jew.

Look at them.

They just found a Jew.

The left.

Yeah, no, left.

Yeah.

He's screaming.

That's a nice pastime.

As long as you're not a Jew, that's a fun thing to do there.

That's a fun thing to do.

Bury the Jew.

The last question is, what country what would like give me a country they're like I gotta get there I want to get to that place like me or you you me and Nepal Nepal I want to get to the mountains I love something about them I don't want to do the Everest with the

I don't want to do I'm not the sport I like hill climbing yeah I don't need to go in the snow once it's snow I don't like I don't need the big I love the snow I don't want the big like challenge of the sport.

It just insulted your country.

I know.

I'm sorry.

All the Estonians, I'm sorry.

Yes.

In your language.

also, what we did to the Jews, I think, were.

What did you do?

You're not on our radar.

We killed everybody before the Germans came

because we didn't want to start off on the wrong foot.

Wow.

Well, we're going to go to the bottom.

From the river to the sea, my friend.

Is that how you took the name Ari?

Literally, you took it from an Ari?

Oh, interesting.

Okay.

Ari file.

No, I don't want to be.

Ari file.

Is that you're supposed to be Ari.

case, but chad.

Yeah, we gotta mute a bunch of people.

Ari.

I think we use Ari for that.

Okay, we can use Ari for.

Let's use Bert for that.

Let's use BERT for that.

Nah.

Who's been accused?

Well, wait, what else do you have to bleep?

It's Chad.

It's Chad.

Chadded.

Chadder.

Yeah.

And Auriphile.

Ari.

What?

Chaddest.

Arophiliac.

You can't even have them in Estonia.

Wait, what else do you have to bleep?

Ariphelia.

Dude, I love this camera.

Dude, it's just like...

What is Arophile?

Chad.

Chad.

It means bother.

Ari.

Bado.

Yeah, something like that.

Chatted.

Chatter.

Ari.

It means don't bother me.

No, it's like no mention.

Ari.

Yeah, yeah.

Ari.

1000 days.

Julie, I can't speak away.

Ari.

Yeah, no bother.

Don't bother me.

Look at you, Traveler, Delight.

Well, no, I was like being accused of multiple.

Chatted.

And I'm like, you don't know that?

Like, you didn't bother anybody?

I was like, oh,

yeah, for sure.

You admit to the lesser crime.

You get out of there.

All right.

We need, all right, Chad, fine.

Fair enough.

Well played.

Let's find some other people we can hurt.

But I'm still keeping it on the table of using Ari as Aura file.

Okay.

Just so I can use Chad as Chad.

And we need something for Ariphelia.

You can't say Chatter.

Dude, that's so crazy.

It's crazy.

It's really a beautiful thing that women have, and these things are not.

Yeah.

I mean, when we do a Cambodia episode, it's going to be a lot about childhood.

Chad.

And just like...

Dude, I would sometimes even be at bars and see an old guy, and I would already be like, what the fuck?

He's probably

just getting away from his wife.

There's a thing online about me that I went to Thailand just to fuck kids.

To be fair, I'm not fighting it, but like, it's just funny to me.

To be fair, when you are on a flight to Bangkok and you're on the flight and you look around, we all know.

Yeah, they're on the flight like this.

Yeah, we all know what's about to go down.

Yeah.

You know, somebody is like, they go like this, like, hey, what's for lunch?

Okay, cool.

And just

when you hear I'm going to Bangkok, nobody's like, oh, the temples.

They named it after that.

Yeah, we know.

Also, beautiful angels, huh?

Not a nice temples.

All right.

Ari, I'll do the bumpers later when I put this in.

Thank you very much.

Do you have a website or anything?

Instagram.

You have Instagram?

Ari Matty Comedy.

A-R-I-M-A-T-T-I.

We got to get you a fucking real visa.

I'd love a visa.

And we have to.

You got to be close, right?

I'm working on it.

Yeah, okay.

What's crazy is that when I did Dunk and Trussell podcast, I talked about more traveling.

I know I love it.

Did you really?

I talked about more traveling than I did in this.

Just because sometimes it's...

Sometimes you get in a groove.

Sometimes it's hard.

It's hard for you.

Transcribe that, please.

Yeah.

You know.

Yeah.

It's hard for you what?

To be like,

like, I talk about Canada, but then you bring up the Chinese.

You're going to get me going.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's what you nerd out about.

Exactly.

Yeah.

I'm the same way.

And people are like, we didn't get into this.

I'm like, oh, shit, sorry.

I got to go.

That's the point of a podcast, I think.

Yeah.

And they're like, oh, you always talk about this.

You should do something about it.

And I was like, yeah, let me start a podcast called RA Sees the World.

All right.

But it's called You'll Be Tripping.

Oh, yeah, it is.

That's right.

You said the wrong name.

Yeah, I did.

But if I start a podcast, RAC is the World.

Please.

And we both have a travel podcast where we don't talk about travel.

Yeah.

We do.

We talked only all about travel.

It was great.

It was absolutely a beautiful podcast.

Yeah.

Visa, Work Visa episode.

It was a beautiful time.

All right.

Well, when you come back, what country are we going to do the next time?

When we'll do just a country.

Name it.

I've been there.

Maybe Cambodia.

I think Ryan.

I'm going to Mexico for the first time.

Oh, cool.

That'll be fun.

When you get back, if you stop in New York, we'll do that.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

I got to piss like crazy.

I have to piss like

streams to bring back.

I'm actually pissing right now.

Okay.

All right.

Thank you, everybody.

Please subscribe.

He chatted that chick.

What an episode.

Okay, guys, that's it.

The storytelling show is almost sold out.

So hurry up and get your tickets if you want.

The ticket name, name,

your ID must match the name of who you purchase it under.

You know, one per group, but that guy's got to be there.

We're scalping scalpers.

So,

yeah, if you buy it from a scalper, it won't be good unless he shows up with you.

That's a long shot.

But I wouldn't get it from a scalper.

And if you're a scalper, you're not going to be able to sell these.

I mean, you could try, I guess, but I wouldn't.

Because of this disclaimer, you have to show up with the ID that matches the name on the tickets.

One per night max.

That's it.

It's going to be a fucking party.

I'm excited about it.

Check out Ari and Zaney's in Chicago, April 24th through 26th.

Check me out.

San Jose

this coming weekend.

And then Orlando

the following Wednesday, Fort Lauderdale or Daniel Beach, the Thursday and Sunday, um,

and then Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton.

Shows are already added in Calgary, Edmonton, and Vancouver.

And uh, that's it, you guys.

For my recommendation of the week, by the way, today's episode is uh edited by Alan Caffey, it's um

produced by your mom's house network.

My recommendation for the week is Big Jay Okerson's crowd work special, the first of a two-part crowd work special.

Because Big Jay Oakerson does crowdwork in a way that you don't know because you're used to seeing create, like, what's your whatever, send me throw out some topics.

Big Jay's always the guy that we all said did it the most correctly.

It's incidental.

The way Brian Regan or Nate Bargatzi are clean, when you don't notice it, Big Jay, you're not seeing him try to do crowd work.

He's just a master at it.

He's the best one at it.

Um,

and so check it out right now, Big J Okerson on YouTube.

Um,

they them.

The second one's coming out soon.

If you haven't seen the first one,

get on it.

The second one's coming out in April.

That's my recommendation for the week.

Ari, that is funny.

Good, good episode, actually, talking about just the visa process in general.

The next time he comes back, I think we'll talk about Cambodia, like fully.

We actually recorded it.

I just don't remember because let's call it long COVID because the government put it in me.

All right, guys, that's it.

I'll see you there at all my shows.

The few remaining ones are the farewell for now tour, and uh,

still submit for the trip around the world.

Goodbye, everybody.

Thank you, Ari Matty.

And, guys, go check out Ari Matty's.

I mean, what's even his Instagram account?

You got to go look at his website and then go.

I mean, is it Ari Matty?

What's his even Instagram?

Ari Matty Comedy.

A-R-I-M-A-T-T-I Comedy.

Go there.

300,000 followers.

And

I'm trying to think how you can barrage him with your own observations about this terrible, terrible website.

Follow him on there for sure, but

harass him as well.

He's got to learn.

That's crazy.

They'll be okay.

Leave a comment in the YouTube.

And subscribe to the YouTube, by the way.

You'll be tripping pod.

Leave a comment about your particular

fondness for how terrible, terrible, terrible that website is.

What specifically do you find the worst?

Leave a comment below.

Subscribe, subscribe on Spotify, wherever you're listening.

Guys, I'm having a blast with this podcast, and thank you for tuning in.

Until next week, with

Sam Talent, we'll be going to France, the countryside of France, not

Paris.

Until next week,

Bon Voyage.

Yeah, because there's no country just visas.

Welcome.

Goodbye.