India w/ Adam Rowe | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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Oh.

Hi, guys.

It's Ari Shafir, just working stuff out.

I told you there'd be a big announcement, and that's what's happening.

Ah, this is heavy.

I would like to announce that I am working out on my loose ends.

I did one already.

I recorded Ari Shafir Jew.

It got canceled and taken away from me, and I finally tied up the loose end, and I recorded it.

Perhaps you've seen it.

And now, the final thing I had to wrap up in my life: Ari Shafir's renamed storytelling show.

I'm recording a new season.

Let that sink in, motherfuckers.

A new season of Ari Shafir's Renamed Storytelling Show recording April 20th, 21st, and 22nd in New York City.

Tickets go on sale Tuesday at noon for the pre-sale.

Promo code Ari.

Get tickets there.

The general on-sale will happen either Friday or Monday.

I forget.

Tickets are at ari shafir.com only April 20th, 21st, 22nd in New York City.

Guys, it's a funeral of sorts and it's a celebration of sorts.

Dress up if you want.

The venue is up scale, so you'll match.

Wear a suit if you want.

Wear jeans and a t-shirt too, but that's fine.

Only come to one show per night.

If you want to come to a second show,

that's fine.

But

not in the same night because crowds get tired out and I want everybody excited for this.

It'll be some of the people you know from before, be some new people, some people you've never heard of, but they will all be great.

If you've never been to one of these Ari Shafi's renamed storytelling shows, oh, you're in for a treat.

I'm fucking stoked on this, this, guys.

I'm trying to hide my excitement, but I can't be more excited.

It's my final loose end.

I got to clear up.

April 20th, 21st, 22nd, New York City.

Also, no scalper.

So if you need to get a ticket, you need to have that ID matching the name that you purchased a ticket under.

Otherwise, you will not be admitted.

So don't try to resell them.

That's it.

Guys, I'm fucking stoked.

Get tickets right now.

That's right.

Doing a final season of the show.

And then I'm retiring it forever.

It'll be done.

So, if you want, if you've ever been to one of the shows and you wanted to go to another one, this is your final chance.

All right, let's start the episode.

That's my announcement.

Fuck it.

Legitimately happy about this.

Legitimately happy about this.

All the lineups are secret.

You don't know who's on, but I'm letting you know we're going out with the bang.

All right, let's start the episode.

Adam Rowe, take us to India.

Where you been and where you going?

This is Aries Travel Show.

Yeah, we're going to talk about travel today.

It's you be tripping.

Yeah.

Hi, everybody.

Welcome to UB Trippin'.

It's a travel podcast.

I don't know if you know about it.

Well, you tune it in, so thanks.

It's me.

I'm a comedian, Ari Shafer.

And every week, it's a different guest, almost always comedians, or Rob Lowe.

It's the only podcast that talks about Six Baby.

Let's talk about you and me.

The first Liverpoolian comic ever to be on.

You'll be trippin'.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Is that the Jeagen Klopp reference?

Yeah.

That's so good.

I'm so impressed that you knew that.

How do you know that?

What?

Are you a Liverpool fan?

No, I'm a, I don't really want to talk about it, Tottenham.

Okay.

Yeah.

That makes sense.

Dude,

I was given a team one year at Edinburgh.

I was hanging out with these guys after the show.

They were just like, you want Mandy?

I'm like, what's Mandy?

I don't know.

And they do it in a way.

I don't know.

It's just like the tissue paper rolled up, little droplets of tissue paper.

Yeah.

i was hanging out with these people it's like four guys and four girls anyway and then one of them was like we got to get you a

league team i was like okay and one of them's like you should like arsenal it's like okay sure i'm down okay you're giving me a team and then one of the guy gets back in the bathroom he's like we gave him arsenal he goes no why no like uh tottenham and they were like yeah yeah we were wrong we were wrong it's totten

it absolutely is tottom as well that was such a perfect correction from that guy and actually the worst team they could have given you is Arsenal.

Because they're like the biggest rivals.

Interesting.

So they know how to be a self-hater.

Yeah, and also, like, the worst factions of Arsenal fans will sing anti-Semitic shit at Tottenham.

That's so funny.

Because then you'd have to join in.

I would have to join in.

I'd be like, guys,

I'm sorry.

It's for sports.

Do they really sing anti-Semitic stuff?

That's so great.

Great.

Well, the players are like, I'm from Zimbabwe.

So there's a lot of stuff in,

there's a lot of like real awful shit said at British sports at the other teams.

And there's huge campaigns now to like stop.

To stop it?

To stop, like, like, just stop saying the worst stuff.

Like, you can still say, like, that they're all whatever, but, like,

just the worst thing about each team, just don't have...

That's also their fan base you're making fun of.

So they're just like, I'm not even a player.

I'm just, you're just talking about it.

It's because of the Jewish neighborhood.

Yeah, but they're not singing at the players.

They're singing at the fans in the opposite end.

Right, Right, you know what I mean, yeah, and also because like we have like segregation in sport, like you can't like there's no way blacks and whites can't be in the same locker room, totally, yeah, yeah.

The blacks, it's the car park, and the whites they get the mansion at the back of the pitch.

You guys aren't really raced against blacks, you race against like people from India, yeah, it's like Pakistanis and stuff like that.

Yeah, yeah, it's interesting, it's interesting, it's gonna take some getting used to.

Go ahead, what?

What are you gonna say?

So, because of segregation, what?

So, like, there's no like you're never sat next to an opposition fan, right?

They're in their own pen at the fucking bottom of the.

It's so cool.

Yeah.

It's like the smoke bombs and stuff.

Yeah, like, before the gate, like, if it's like the FA Cup final,

so the final's played at Wembley, which is a neutral stadium in London.

And what they do before the game, let's say it's Liverpool against Chelsea, and it was a few years ago, and they will allocate each team like 10 pubs each near the neighborhood.

And they're like, but if you're a Liverpool fan and you've got like red stuff on, you will not, you'll be turned away from the Chelsea pubs.

Oh, good by police.

There's police there, guys.

Good idea.

Yeah, go to you've got one of the Liverpool pubs, go to one of those.

That's so smart, and also so aware.

There used to be this billboard campaign in Newark, New Jersey, saying please stop shooting teachers.

And I'm like, How bad would it have gotten where you need a billboard for that?

You know, and they just must, the cops, like, no, no, no, we know what this is gonna do.

No, absolutely not.

I also love the idea that, like, there's a guy on his way into a school with a gun and seen that sign i was like ah you know what

i thought it was original

yeah how do they know not to like when you buy tickets to a yankee game you just buy if you're a nast shows fan going to a you just like buy a ticket they'd be so much nicer like this is the away don't stay anywhere else or you will get beat up and won't protect you so normally uh

scalp a ticket you have to be in that

yeah well so if you buy a home ticket or an away ticket and to buy a ticket for your team you normally have to be a member of the club yeah and

like if there's no

you've got to be like an official liverpool football club member to buy a ticket for any liverpool game yeah so if you wanted to be like a totnam fan getting a ticket for the liverpool game at the liverpool fans end you'd have to sign up as a member for the club and then buy a ticket and then also they might look at your postcode and be like you're a fucking Tottenham fan you live in Tottenham

you know interesting like there's ways that they get around it.

And also, like, you don't want to be the only Tottenham fan in the future.

It won't be fun for you.

Yeah.

My brother goes to, he supports a Swiss team.

And so him and his son go.

Basel?

I think FCZ.

Okay.

I don't know.

Yeah.

But they went to an away game and it was like he was showing video.

And then it was just like, you can't see because of the smoke.

It's so cool.

It's so much better than a home game.

Yeah.

They go nuts.

And then kids are like, I can't see.

And my brother's like, because of the smoke, right?

And the son's like, yeah, dad.

What?

Yeah, right.

That's what I was saying.

But then somebody goes, hey, man, turn the phone off.

Like, it taps him.

He's like, why?

He's like, we're doing illegal shit.

Turn the phone off.

And it's like, okay, sorry.

So, like, going to an away game, you're surrounded by the fans that most

are most committed because they want to be at like every game.

They're willing to travel for it.

And

yeah.

And

if you go to a Liverpool home, Liverpool's a very touristy club now.

So there's a lot of like...

Because they won so much.

They won so much.

And like, because we're seen as having like the best atmosphere.

Yeah.

Like, people are like, oh, I want to go and be at the best atmosphere.

But then they don't contribute to it.

They'll just stand there with their phone, like, filming it.

But if you're in a Liverpool away game and you're being like,

people would be like, put your fucking phone away, lads.

That's good.

Like, put it away.

That's good.

I feel like there's more, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel there's more of like, put your phone away in Europe than in America.

Definitely more in like Germany and like nightclubs.

But like, I don't know where it starts where people are just filming everything.

Yeah.

I'm bad for that.

Like, I take pictures of me fucking dinner and everything.

I'm like, really?

Yeah, I'm a loser with stuff like that.

I'm always go back to those times where you're just taking pictures of your dinner.

At least you're not infringing on people's privacy.

Or it's just like, someone's passed out.

Don't film that.

They're just drunk in the streets.

Or taking a picture of your dinner.

That'd be fucking crazy in a restaurant if you were just like someone else's.

What do you call it?

What's your name?

I just want to make sure credits are right.

I'm going to tag you.

Yeah.

Oh, what was I going to say?

I had a Tottenham jersey with Shafir on the back I got for Christmas one year.

Sick.

I should have brought it.

I I didn't realize we were going to do this.

All right.

Where are we going today?

We're going to India.

Going back to India.

Nice.

The dark continent.

Yeah.

No.

It's Africa.

It's Africa.

I mean, it's pretty dark.

It's pretty dark.

Yeah.

There's, and, you know, there's different castes over there, and that's their whole, that's how they decide who's worthy of respect and stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Where, what brought you there, and when did you go?

So I went in November of 2024.

Oh, nice.

Okay.

So recent.

Yeah.

A friend of mine works for a baby hospice

comedy podcast.

Baby hospice?

Yeah.

Hold on.

I thought I knew what hospice meant.

What do you think hospice means?

It's where they see you out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's the waiting room for heaven.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But for babies,

that's the cutest sad I've ever heard of.

Yeah, yeah.

It's babies who are born either like already into palliative care, like they're dying, or they've got like really severe like life needs, whether educationally or physically or mentally or whatever.

And they were threatened with closure, so they had to find funds.

Swear the baby's gonna die in the street.

Yeah, no, like literally.

And guess who was kicking them out?

Guess who their landlord was?

Klopp.

Nuns.

Oh, really?

And they were like, you're not paying your rent?

Like, nuns.

We're like, we're like, we gave you a year's notice.

You haven't moved.

Like, now you need to just get out.

So they needed a new place.

And as part of the fundraising efforts for it's called Zoe's Place.

As part of the fundraising efforts, they arranged a charity bike ride from New Delhi to Jaipur.

Well, actually, from Agra to Jaipur, but we flew into New Delhi.

I'm going to look this up.

How do you spell it?

What?

Jaipur?

Jaipur is J-A-I-P-U-R.

Yeah.

So that was the end point.

The start point was Agra, A-G-R-A.

So

the total kilometers was 450.

Really?

And we did it in six days.

I have no reference to know how much that would be.

Do you need in miles?

I needed miles, but also like biking.

I don't really know how long it would take to bike a mile.

So it's 300 miles.

Okay.

300 miles.

You could do...

And you did it in four days?

So

six days.

So it's 50 a day.

50 miles a day.

But there was like, there was a couple of days that were a lot longer, a a couple of days that were shorter.

Because, like, obviously,

India, like, although a lot of it is flat, like, some of it, when it's not flat, it's fucking vertical.

Oh, fuck.

So, you're going, like, you know,

you might as well be like base jumping.

Yeah.

Um,

it was tough.

There was real.

There's proper tough.

Are you a biker?

No.

Oh.

No.

Yeah.

We've met.

Yeah.

I love that second, like, no.

Oh, wait.

What are you talking about?

You're not just wrong.

You're weight.

Where would you even get that?

I signed up for this a year in advance.

So this is what happened.

Did you do the thing?

You're like, I'll get in shape by then.

And I'll just not this weekend.

But also.

And also, by the time it came around, I was like a full...

Do you do stones or kilograms?

Or pounds?

Pounds, pounds.

I was a full, like 20 pounds heavier than when I signed up for it.

Okay.

It was, I just went totally in the wrong direction.

Oh, my God.

And when I signed up for it, so here's what, like, a friend of mine works there.

Her name's Gina.

And I was on tour and I was in a hotel room on my own.

And I'd had like, I don't know, 10 beers after the show.

And I'm just talking to her.

And she goes, hey, do you want to come and do this fucking insane charity challenge next year in November?

And I was like, no.

And then an hour later, she'd like talked me into it.

I was like, it'd be great for the charity.

It'd be great for you.

Like, everything's going to be great.

And I was like, okay, cool.

I'll do it.

And she goes, well, if you're going to, and she knew I was was drunk so she was like pay the deposit now like you have to pay a 500 pound deposit now and then you're in and I was like okay cool so I paid it I woke up the next morning and you know when you wake up and you're like what did I do last night when you wake up and you're like did I sign up to go to India

it's not even in your neighborhood no and then I go into our podcast studio And as you know, because you've done the show.

Have a word.

Yeah, have a word.

There's a big group of us.

And I went in, and my angle with it was, boys,

I've signed up for this, I need your help in getting me out of it.

And they all went, no, we'll do it with you,

and we'll film it, and we'll make a

film while we're out there.

That's the way to trap a comedian, yeah.

And look, I'm so glad we went, but

like the anxiety building up to it and like training.

Like I'm cycling, doing like laps of my house to get ready for this fucking thing.

How the bike paths in Liverpool, huh?

How the like bike lanes in Liverpool, I mean,

There's no bike lanes.

It's just like every month.

It's so industrial there.

What a weird town.

There's no bike lanes in India.

Biking over dead bodies.

It's not like in India they're like,

we're cycling through what can barely be called roads.

Oh my God.

It was, it was absolutely, it was genuinely like the most life-changing week of my life.

And I'm so glad I went.

And I've got absolutely zero intention of ever going back.

Hi everybody, I got to break in real quick to today's You'd Be Tripping episode to tell you about our guest, Adam Rowe.

He's got a new special out called the India Special.

It's not a stand-up special, it's a travel blog.

Yeah, it's on his Patreon, have a wordpod at patreon.com.

Patreon.com slash have a wordpod.

Adam Rowe is also a host of a

oh, this is a mistake, popular,

maybe the most popular comedy podcast in England.

It's based out of Liverpool, the new London.

Yeah, it's open later night.

London is paling now in comparison to Liverpool.

It's a cooler city.

It's a hot take.

It's called Have a Word.

I've been on there.

Start with my episode.

Move to anybody else.

I think Schultz has been on there.

Maybe Shane.

Maybe Shane.

Anyway, it's great.

Adam's also on the road.

He's a quality stand-up comedian.

He's in Liverpool, March 12th and 13th at Hotwater, then Manchester, Chester, Birmingham, Stourbridge, Liverpool, Belfast, London, Dublin, Glasgow, South Shields, Newcastle,

and Edinburgh.

A lot of these sound like made-up cities.

All tickets are at adamroe.co.uk

slash shows.

Myself, I'm on the road as well.

Oh, by the way, I've got a new t-shirt.

Take a hike shirt.

Available at arieshafir.com.

You like it?

Let's take a hike.

No matter what the weather is, it's always available.

To take a hike.

This is what Shane makes fun of me for.

I do think it's fun to go outside and get into nature.

Take a hike.

I don't see what the problem with that is.

I'm in the road this week.

I'm in

Atlanta at the Tabernacle Theater on Saturday night with Adrian Appalucci and Sean Patton is now jumping on the show as well.

And then over to Portland, Oregon, also with Adrian.

Turner Sparks from the Old Skeptic Podcast will be on that show too.

First show pretty much sold out.

There's like individual seats left, and then late show added.

Then San Jose, California,

Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, both of those shows added.

Fort Lauderdale.

I know there's more.

Damn, I'm really bad at my own dates.

Fort Lauderdale.

Oh, and then Seattle at the Moor Theater, the huge end of the farewell tour tour.

Seattle at the Moor, followed by Vancouver.

Second show added at all these next three, all through Canada.

Canada's always been good to me.

Vancouver, Calgary, and Edmonton.

All second shows have been added.

So get tickets right now before they're gone and then I'm done.

Anchorage, Alaska.

And don't forget

this.

Nope.

Nope.

Ari Shafir's Reading Storytelling Show is coming for the final six fucking shows, everybody.

The final six fucking shows.

I'm so goddamn excited.

I can't wait to show you the lineup.

It's all the best comics.

It's all the ones you love.

It's all the classics.

I'm not going to tell you the lineup.

It's just going to be great.

I'm just going to tell you it's great.

Get tickets.

The deal is get tickets for

for a show.

If you want to come to more than one show, do not come to more than one show in a night.

Crowds get tired, so you know, I don't want you being worn out.

This is going to be a fucking party.

Dress up if you want.

It's up to you.

Don't dress up in our costume, but dress up in something nice.

The box is one of the coolest spots in the world.

And

I'm excited to show it to you.

That's it.

Let's get back to the show.

Take a hike shirt at RShifer.com, as well as sign finals, sign grinders,

t-shirts, psychedelic playing cards where I am the king of mushrooms, and much, much more.

Let's get back to the episode.

I think that's it.

Subscribe.

Why don't you subscribe wherever you are?

Alright.

That's it.

Bye.

Check out Adam Rowe.

Oh, the India thing is going to be fucking sick, guys.

It looks crazy.

Go get it.

Agra.

What did you do when you got there?

So

Agra is really quite beautiful because that's where the Taj Mahal is.

Oh, really?

I thought that was New Delhi.

No, so you would fly into New Delhi to go to it.

How far is it?

I think on the train, it was like three or four hours from New Delhi.

Did you meet any of these people?

Yeah, all of them.

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

It was either them or someone who looks an awful lot like them.

We met a guy there.

I sent you one of the pictures I sent you, I think it was the first one.

Yeah.

And he just looks like an Indian Bill Murray.

And

it really stuck with me how much this guy looked like Bill Murray.

So I got him to take a photo with Carl, my best mate.

That's him, yeah, on the left.

But like,

if you look at him there,

you can't really see it, but look how miserable he looks.

And then I went, I just said, smile, Bill.

And if you skip to the next photo, you will see a man go from,

look how happy.

Have you seen a man go from so like Carl is exactly the same?

Carl has no change on his face at all.

Oh, my God.

Also, he's smiling upward somehow.

It's crazy, isn't it?

It comes like it's usually you lower the bottom of your lip.

This one, it moves up.

He's so upset at his life.

Oh, there's a Tash Mahal barely behind you.

Is it smoggy as fuck over there?

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Like, it is so polluted.

Like, the whole, like, especially when you're like...

Yeah, that looks like...

That might have been like the one clear day.

Yeah.

When you get like this close to it, it does sort of look like that.

But like trying to see any sort of a little bit of a single thing.

You barely see it.

Hey.

I also look at his teeth.

Great teeth.

Yeah.

Great teeth.

It looks like he's collected them from like several different people.

Who is he?

He's a guide or something.

He was just one of the guys who works at the Taj Mahal, yeah.

Oh.

But because like we all thought he looked like an Asian Bill Murray, and the more I look at him, the less I'm confident in that

moment.

That's why we asked him for the photograph, yeah.

It was great.

Oh, that's solid.

The people out there have you ever been there before?

Huh?

Have you ever been to India before?

And I'll never go back.

Why?

Interesting.

Like, it's an incredible place, and it the poverty you see and the perspective, like, it sounds all like fucking,

but like, the perspective you get on

life and like how people who are literally like we were cycling through puddles in places that it hadn't rained for a month.

So,

what does that mean?

It's pissing shit.

I was hoping not to know what it meant

when I was asking.

Part of me was going, Should I even ask this?

But, like, I follow a band, band reels on Instagram.

I forget what it's called, but it's just like stuff that's banned.

Yeah.

And then the one I saw today, usually it's like somebody falling off a cliff or something like that.

And this one was just like a guy close up.

And every once in a while, it's like an OnlyFans thing.

And I'm like, please let him be getting fucked.

And then you see somebody's hand on his head and a knife come out and just slices it.

No, no, no.

Yeah, and then I'm like, why did I watch this?

Yeah, there's something.

What was I hoping for?

Hoping for a diddy party.

Yeah.

Hoping?

Yeah.

I was hoping not to know this fucking piss and shit puddles.

But like

this sounds like awful, but like you're cycling through these villages and children are like running out of their

houses, but like houses is a generous term.

And

they're covered in what can best be described as mud.

And it's probably their own piss and shit.

But they're like so happy.

They're so happy.

Really?

So like they're like they're coming and went, Namaste,

Namaste.

Hello.

They're so like when you cycle through, they're like, oh my God, like it's like the coolest thing they've ever seen.

Small towns?

Yeah, like towns and villages.

Wow.

What do you think?

They're not used to seeing whiteies?

Well,

they're not used to seeing white people.

You might be the first white person they've ever seen.

What does namaste mean?

Peace?

Hello?

Hello.

But I say.

You might be the first white guy they've ever seen.

It's possible.

Wow.

Yeah, right.

They're kids.

Yeah, and they're so young.

And who would go to a small village?

Like, nobody.

Like.

There was a, so as well as like the charity group that were all from the UK, we had some local guys who were like guiding us and like leading the cycles and stuff.

Yeah.

And one of them says to me one day, he goes, because I become like friends with them.

Like I'm trying to talk to these guys, find out more from the local guys than the like white saviors that like flew us out there.

I was like, I want these guys to tell me.

So one of them, he goes,

instead of saying Namaste, he's like, the reason all the kids are saying Namaste and hello is that they think that's what you know.

He's like, but what I would say is Ram Ram, like Ram Ram.

He's like, so if you shout Ram Ram,

they will like be like mind blown

so then for a few days i'm cycling through these villages and i'm shouting ram ram and about 70 of them are like oh my yeah ram ram what the

but like about a third of the time people are just like uh

and then uh one of the other guys the other like local cycle guys he pulls me to the side he goes uh just so you know adam like you know there's a lot of racism in india and that, like, between the communities of like Muslims and Hindis, like, there's a, like, a, you know,

you're only speaking to two-thirds of the people because the other third doesn't even

the other third, no, they know what it is, but they think you're being disrespectful to them by

using someone else's word, yeah.

It's like they're, it's like you're being like

in support of their sort of

rivals, really, and rivals makes them sound like they're they're fucking football teams.

Yeah,

so like he was like, You should say Namaste because Namaste is for everybody, but Ram Ram is for just one community.

What does it mean?

What does it mean?

Hello, oh, just hello, but just okay, damn, that's funny.

There's nothing like a kid coming out in a small town, and you make their day with your presence.

Yeah, they're fucking delighted.

We stopped at a school, yeah, and I was teaching them like scouse.

I was teaching them like scouse, I just got done hanging out with uh with Kyle Legacy.

Oh,

He seems like the most scouse of anyone I know.

Oh, that is so wrong.

Really?

Interesting.

What's scouts that mean?

Then what's scouse mean?

So scouse is like scouse, I mean, a scouser, a scouser, is a person from Liverpool.

Okay.

Right?

And Kyle is.

Okay.

He is a person from Liverpool.

But the most scouses where I can't let that happen.

So Kyle moved to Australia.

When?

Kyle lived in Australia for years.

What?

I think.

And I love Kyle.

Yeah.

He's a lunatic.

So a few years ago when I first saw Kyle,

he was so hit and miss on stage.

Like so hit and miss.

He doesn't give a fuck anymore.

No, but like he's hit this like purple patch with riffin'.

Yeah.

And he's like starting to do real well in.

What's he call himself?

The riff king or something like that.

Stuff like that.

But his accent is so like...

Bastardized.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

The way he speaks, like, sometimes I'm like, like...

When I'm trying to remember,

what's a Liverpool accent?

I think of Kyle.

I'm like, an offshoot of that, but he's the ultimate.

Like, he's the accent is insane.

Sometimes I don't even understand them.

Like, the way he says the word lighter, you know, like for a cigarette, like a lighter.

Every time he says it, because he goes, ladder,

are you that ladder?

I'm like, what?

That's not Australian.

It's not American and it's not Scouse.

And you need to just pick one.

You can't have this amalgamation of them all.

Now,

I'm one of the worst people on the planet for going somewhere and my accent turning a bit like theirs because I have this need for everyone to understand me.

Yeah, so like when I'm on stage or even on a podcast over here,

I soften my accent so much.

Like, I went on a couple of other shows already, I was here, and my like followers are sending me like clips from the show going, Why are you talking like a fucking idiot?

I'm like,

I'm trying to get Chris DeStefano to understand what I'm saying.

He's already looking at me like I'm speaking parcel tongue.

Like, I've got to do something.

You know what I mean?

I was hanging out with him once.

I found some acid in Edinburgh.

I forgot who gave it to me.

Somebody was going to my show.

I was like, yeah.

And he was like, hey, I can pay you in money or acid.

I was like, I guess acid then.

Sure.

It was like 60 pounds.

I was like, yeah.

So it was four hits.

Sloss wouldn't do it.

DeRosa wouldn't do it.

Did Sloss do it?

I think Kai did it.

Kai.

I wasn't there.

Kai did it.

Kai did it.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think Elliot Steele did it.

And I forget who else.

Like, some people were like, no, it's two.

It's 11 p.m.

Other people are like, like, the difference in like, sure, sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, I got a savory crepe from those fares there or whatever.

I was like, so hungry.

And then you know when you're on drugs like that, I took one bite, but I'm like, I'm done.

Like, that's all I needed.

Kyle took the rest,

which is fine.

He was like broke, broke back then.

Anyway, I'm off on a golf course.

Sun's rising.

I'm on a golf course, still up.

And then I'm like, oh, I got a joint.

I'm so happy.

And I went and I'm like, where's my lighter?

And it's like, fucking Kyle took my lighter.

You got your ladder.

All I wanted was that joint.

He took my ladder.

He took my fucking lotta.

And then when I passed, I wanted to ask, but I couldn't light a joint in front of him.

Oh, I'm still mad about it.

Still mad about it.

All right, let's get back to India.

Fuck Kyle Legacy.

He's LeBron James of stealing lottos.

Oh.

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Now let's get back to the episode.

So, okay, so where did you stay in these things?

So we flew into New Delhi, right?

Yeah.

And they took us to a place called the Bloom Rooms as the first place.

I don't think I said the Bloom.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's close enough.

And

I've never seen anything like this area that it's in.

Okay.

Like it was

like we stood up, we went and dropped our bags into the hotel and then came out because we were going to do some like extracurricular filming for the podcast.

And

like, you know, like when you sort of

if you stand on a street corner for long enough and like, you know, yeah, that's that's it, but it doesn't look like that from the outside.

these are very selective photographs okay okay okay that's ai

and and you're like ai make this look not dingy yeah that's more like it okay

um

it's not it's the inside yeah go ahead sorry i don't want to distract you so you know if you stand on like a street corner for long enough in new york like if you're in like i don't know like

you know, the finance district or whatever.

Like, if you stand there for long enough, a guy's going to come up to you and be like, have you got any money?

Can I have some money for whatever?

Yeah.

we were stood outside that hotel for, I want to say,

three minutes waiting for an Uber or a Tuk-Tuk.

And

in that three minutes, I think

between

30 and 40 different people asked for money.

Really?

Yeah.

Wow.

And because they can't...

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

And they can't speak English, so this is what they do.

They come to you and they go.

and you go, no.

And they know, no.

But then they go,

and they don't move.

And eventually you just have a crowd of locals just asking you.

And they are the most depressed.

It's, you've never seen, I don't know whether you've been, but like, I've never seen

anything

like it.

And they are, you know, like they fucking stink.

Like they stink.

And they've actually given money sometimes.

Do you not?

No.

So I'm in a...

It's never going to stop if you give them money.

So this is the thing.

We went to like the little market one day

because while we were out there, we're doing this charity bike ride stuff, but we're also like filming a special for our Patreon for our show.

Okay, so like we're doing have a word, it's on uh Spotify right now and uh Patreon, patreon.com slash have a word.

It's everywhere, and thank you for the plugs.

Start with my episode, yeah, it was a good episode.

Speaking of plugs, I might be going to Turkey soon.

Yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, so we'll do it a good episode.

It was a great episode.

Okay, I never know when I come to a new one that sometimes I was like, that was fun.

They're like, yeah, you know what?

That was good.

It was really good.

We loved it.

And so when we did a Patreon specials, we'll film challenges and stuff.

So one of our friends sets us a challenge to buy him a souvenir from the market and gave us like a price budget.

So we all got given like money.

In India?

Yeah.

But then the second part of the challenge was something else.

So like, and I won't spoil that for anyone who's going to go and watch the stuff.

But

wait, tell me.

Just bleep it out.

So that whatever we bought him, we had to attach to our bikes for the rest of the challenge.

Okay, unless I bought him like a boom box speaker, and it was like, I've got to attach this thing to

um that's funny, like Carl bought him a mannequin.

Do you know, do you know what the second part of the challenge is before you do the first one?

No, so that you do the first part, and they're like, and now here's why, yeah, yeah, fuck, yeah,

and it was it, it was fun, but we're in this.

It'd be like, say hi to someone on the street, and they're like, okay, I did it.

Like, now fuck them.

I would have chosen more selectively.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, we're in this little market, and then there's like these four children, and they come up, and they're like, Can I have some money?

And I just didn't, I think maybe I'd have like in hand motion, or yeah, like money, money, money, but like, these ones spoke a little English, it's like money, money, money, and I'm like, oh, I just, I think I drank a little too much the night before, so I'm like a little hungover and feeling fucking a lot more guilty and whatever.

So, I was like, oh, do you know what?

So, like, I take out what is the equivalent of, I don't know, about five or ten dollars.

And in my head, I'm like, this just doesn't matter.

Like, they'll be really happy with it and whatever.

And I gave this kid this money.

And then five minutes later,

about 20 adults catch wind that there's a white guy nearby giving money out.

The fish are biting today.

And we're now trying to get into it.

They're called tuk-tuks.

I don't know whether you know what they are.

They're like a little sort of.

Same as in Southeast Asia.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

So they're like, they're taxis over there.

It's a bike or smoke pack and a bunch of box on the back back of the carrier.

We're trying to get into them, but these adults who obviously one of their children has just come home with five pounds or whatever.

And he's coming over going, lots of sick people here.

Lots of sick people here.

More, more, more, more, more.

And we just had to get out of there because they're like, these people have got money and we need to go and get off them now.

You know what this reminds me of?

This is it.

It's Michael Jackson at the Western Wall.

And everyone just mobbing him.

He's unable to get out of his car.

I didn't see it there, but like.

Unable to get out of there.

And everyone just, he's a god.

anyway,

yeah,

that that happened that like they might not even know that's Michael Jackson, they just think that's a white guy,

they're just excited that it's a white guy.

Like, when we were cycling, if we so every sort of

like we do, like a day that's like, I don't know, so we were working in kilometers, but like the longest day was 120 kilometers, so that's like uh 80 miles.

That was the longest day, Okay.

But every

kilometers to miles the same as pounds to dollars?

1.6.

1.6 kilometers is a mile.

Similar.

Every sort of 25 kilometers.

It's about to be one to one, motherfuckers.

Every like 25, 30 kilometers, we'd stop and have like a snack break.

Okay.

But every 10 kilometers, they would stop and let the group regroup because there's like 40 of us.

And if you're, yeah, if you're the fastest, you're so much quicker than the slowest and they want to keep it sort of relatively together if we stopped and we would be on like the side of a fucking mountain like

you know going like up a main road or whatever or on a dirt path if we stopped for like five minutes yeah there's just like a shitload of mopeds and cars and tuk-tuks who would just stop and they're just looking at us They just stood there just like

and they're getting their phones out and just like they're not asking can I take a photo?

They're just coming up and just, like, filming you and being like, look at these white guys.

What the fuck?

Look at these white guys on there.

Because that's not even a tourist spot.

No.

So there's not any real reason besides this thing.

And also, they think we're all fucking stupid for riding bikes because of like their class system over there.

They're like, here's how the poverty ladder goes.

It's like

if you, if you have enough money for a car, you have a car.

If you don't have quite enough money for a car, you'd have a moped.

If you don't have quite enough money for a a moped, you would get the bus.

If you don't have quite enough money to get the bus,

you would get a bike.

And if you don't have quite enough money for a bike, you would walk everywhere.

And that's the system.

So for them, they're like, right, there's white people here from another country.

They've obviously got money

and they're on a fucking bike.

Like, what, what are they doing?

It'd be like the real New York City experience.

And you're like, I'll sleep on a sleeping bag in the street.

And you're like, bro,

that's not the real experience.

I'll shit myself on the subway.

Damn, that's so funny.

This is to do with the food, this next photo.

Okay, yeah, I was going to say, what'd you eat?

How were the bathrooms?

Where did you shit while you were going on this?

Did you have to be careful in the small towns?

Because I know in tourist towns, like you go to Thailand, right?

Or you've been?

I've never been, no.

Where do you guys go?

Where do Liverpoolians go?

On holiday?

Yeah.

Like, Spain, Tenerife, and Greece.

Oh, okay.

So you're sick.

They're like the common ones.

Yeah.

Okay.

The more Australians go to Thailand.

Yeah.

I guess.

But it's like a known thing.

Like, you don't eat salad, nothing that gots washed with water.

So we were told avoid all meat.

Avoid all meat.

Avoid all meat because you don't know how long it's

been dead.

You don't know how it's been cleaned.

You don't know like how it was raised, any of it.

And

so we did.

And

so here's how our days went: we get up, we would start cycling really early in the morning, get a breakfast, yeah, okay, uh, and breakfast straight out on the bike, finish the cycle normally about 5 p.m., regardless of how long we would cycle on that day.

They'd either fill the rest of the day, like during the cycle, one of the stops would be, and we're going to a school for an hour, or we're going to this store for an hour, or whatever.

See something, yeah.

So, every day pretty much finished around five.

Was it hot?

It was warm.

It was like

sort of like between 24 and 35 Celsius.

35?

That was the hottest day.

That's hot as shit.

That's over 100.

Yeah.

It's right there.

Yeah.

That was right about 100.

Yeah.

That was the hottest day.

So every day pretty much will finish around five.

And then they go, right, if you want to go and get a shower, you've got an hour.

We're going to have dinner at six or seven o'clock, depending on like exactly what time we finished.

Everything they eat,

everything they eat is curry.

That's how you can tell when you get one of their cabs.

You're like,

everything they eat is curry.

So for breakfast, it's eggs and curry.

And for lunch, it's paneer curry.

So there's cheese in it.

And then for dinner, you could have the paneer curry again.

Yeah.

Or you could have the chicken curry.

And a couple of people early on were like, ah, fuck it.

I've been traveling for a few years.

My stomach's made of stainer stuff.

I'm going to try the chicken.

Including the guy I was room sharing with, Jack.

Yeah.

So Jack is.

How did that go for him?

So Jack is one of my best mates in the world.

Like when we went to Taj Mahal, there's a guy like making fucking pastries

on the streets, sat on the floor with his legs crossed with no shoes on.

And Jack bought a pastry off this guy and was just.

Was just like, yeah, I'll try it.

Like, that's who he is.

And he's our, like, I think you will have met Jack because he does the photography for the podcast.

Okay.

He's also my housemate at home.

So we were rooming together in India, but we live together as well.

Okay.

And he's game for fucking anything.

And I've never seen anyone regret.

Like, he converted to fucking Islam.

Like,

what is he?

What is he here?

Between barfing and shitting?

Or what's going on?

So, I wish this photo, I wish this was a video.

I wish this photo had sound.

But I didn't do that to him.

But so

he's shitting at this point, maybe, you know,

six to seven times an hour.

Wow.

Like, to the point where he's going the toilet and he's like, I must be shitting out organs because they can't possibly

but stuff is still coming out.

Because your body's like, God, move it.

Yeah.

That's when you drink a little water and get it out.

And so this night, he's there.

And right that second, he's

screaming into his arms.

Really?

Ah!

And so, yeah.

Visit India.

Awful.

Look at the beautiful painting.

And this is the best sort of.

This is the best image I can paint you about Jack.

The day after this, he felt fine.

And he had the chicken again.

And the next night, he was doing the same thing.

No.

Because he was.

Did he go?

I'm immune now.

He was just like, when in Rome, he's like, I'm here.

I'm trying the.

He was like, I'm not letting this.

The second time it happened, he was like, okay, I'm done.

I'm not doing this anymore.

Yeah.

But this hotel.

So, this, I think, we were there in total for 10 days.

Six of it was cycling.

Four of it was sort of like either side of it.

Yeah.

You don't smoke, do you?

I don't smoke.

Okay.

And

this was, I think, day five or six.

Yeah.

So every day for six days, we have had curry for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Yeah.

And this night, and

I've got a video I can send you.

Yeah, okay, I'll pull it.

I'll send you the video.

Okay.

And I can show you it now, actually.

Okay.

This night, we had like one of the guys who works for the podcast who is still back home.

Yeah.

Who is still waiting at home?

Yeah.

He's the one from Heaven's Gate.

They're like, you got to tell the others.

And he goes,

sorry, Lancer.

It's all right.

He's sort of working for us.

Like, he's arranging the extracurricular stuff we were doing, you know.

And we're like, Harry, do us a favor.

We're all sick of curry.

We're sick of curry.

So, can you just find us something else to eat nearby to this hotel?

So he goes, I've found you a pizza place.

It's got 4.8 stars on Google.

Great.

It's a five-minute drive from the hotel you're in.

Get one of the guys to take you there.

Go for pizza.

So we left the hotel tonight to eat just the

boys because we were sick of eating curry.

We found this pizza boys.

There's pizza.

There's curry in the pizza.

There's curry in the onion rings.

This is the garlic cheese.

It's got a little bit of curry in there.

So this is a cheese trim room.

Curry.

Cheese steak.

Cheese steaks got curry in there.

But in there, curry.

Curry in the curry.

Look at those angel wings behind him.

He looks like an influencer.

So we get to this pizza place, and as you can see from the video.

Yeah.

I love this.

It looks like he's trying to be one of those chicks.

Which one's the one who got super sick?

He's not there.

He's still in bed doing that.

That's so funny.

That's so funny.

So.

Wait, wait, give me that.

Before I forget.

I'll send you it.

Okay.

So.

Twitter Skeptic's MacBook.

Is that on there?

I've sent it to you.

What's up?

Oh, okay, perfect.

Yeah.

So

we get there.

And we'll, like,

pizza is so great.

As we're walking in, the guys are like, there's no one else in this pizza place, right?

So they're sort of like, why are these like seven white people turning off?

Yeah.

And we're like, and you can see, we order all the food.

So everyone ordered a pizza each and like two sides each.

And they sort of go, We've got an Indian girl with us.

And they say to her, sort of in their language, they're like, it's going to be a little while for us to get everything out.

It'll come out in stages.

And we're like, fine.

Great.

So they bring out the sides first.

They bring out the garlic bread with cheese, which has curry under the cheese.

They bring out the mozzarella sticks or cheese triangles.

There's curry powder.

There's curry in the cheese triangle.

There's curry in the onion rings.

And then there's curry.

Instead of a tomato base on the pizza, it's a curry base.

Wow, so we're laughing and stuff.

And the last day, everybody had ordered fries.

So, like, I'm literally at the point with curry where I'm like, I fucking can't.

Like, I'm just not, I can't.

So, I like, I'm just gonna wait for the fries, and I'm gonna just eat all of my fries and any fries any of you guys leave.

The fries took 45 minutes because they made everything else first, and that was the last thing they brought out.

Fries last?

And the fries had curry powder on them, and that's not on that video because they hadn't come out yet.

But there was curry powder on the fries.

What is it?

What?

Why?

They're just like.

Does that cover up the stench of like rot?

I think they're just like,

obviously, these white guys are in India.

They're here for a curry.

They've heard we've got the best shit, so they're coming out for this.

It was,

yeah, awful.

Like, the only good food, and this was like a

like, I don't want to skip straight to the end, but like the the final night yeah we uh we finished in jaipur which is it is written on your little map here oh nice jaipur the next one oh jaipur yeah so we finished there and then they go right we've got you a coach that's going to take you back to new delhi and you're going to stay in the hotel you stayed in on the first night again great now

That hotel in New Delhi, the bloom rooms that we looked at before, the area it was in was just horrific.

and it was also right in the middle of town and really far from the airport.

So, what we said,

our little podcast team, we were like, fuck that.

We want to get the fuck out of here.

Let's get a fucking five-star hotel right next to the airport so that tomorrow morning, like we've done the challenge.

Tomorrow morning, we can just get up.

It's a five-minute cab to the airport, and we can just

there'll be a really good hotel.

There's got to be.

Like, it's New Delhi.

There's got to be.

There's people from all over the world.

There's There's got to be.

There has to be.

The hotel we stayed in was the best.

I've stayed in some good hotels for either, like, you know, being flown for gigs and stuff.

So there's second to last thing there.

The one before this.

So that, this is from the final night.

Oh, wow.

So

it is the best hotel I've ever stayed in.

And it's not even close.

It's some of the nicest food I've had in any restaurant, in any hotel, anywhere in the world.

So this was like lamb chops with asparagus.

Wow.

That's not curry on the asparagus.

That's like a peppercorn sauce sort of thing.

I love a lamb chop.

And

I so this place was three kilometers

from the place we stayed on the first night.

Okay.

The disparity between the opulence of this area and the people in this hotel and in this hotel restaurant.

This is at midnight, by the way.

They're still serving this food at midnight, and the restaurant is like semi-busy.

The disparity of wealth in three kilometers of space, so two miles of space between this place and the place we stayed on the first night

is inhumane.

Wow.

It was the richest looking.

I've been to Dubai, and this makes Dubai look like fucking

Baltimore.

Like, it is

oh, it

in like it was glamorous.

The,

The standard room that we booked was a suite.

So in our

really in our hotel room.

How do they keep the pours out?

How do they keep them out of that neighborhood?

I never know how they like just the poors would just travel towards what the money is.

But they just don't.

Maybe they gun them down or something could.

They must do.

And there's like no one around there apart from like, you know, the rich people that are in this place.

But then like you go three kilometers up the road and there's more people packed into one square yard than anywhere else in the world and

yeah and like not even that expensive like the how much

I think it was

in in English no ish like how much about

this hotel per room was less than 200

for the night I think five stars I think it was a hundred and thirty nine pounds That's like a hostel here in New York.

You couldn't get a could you even get a room like that in London?

No.

Even in Liverpool, I stayed stayed like an okay place and it was like more than that.

Yeah, like on a weekend in Liverpool, you'll you'll pay, you'll pay around that for like a four-star decent hotel in Liverpool.

Yeah, this is the best hotel I've ever been in, the best food I've ever, and included with the room, yeah, was a limousine to take you to the airport the next morning for £139.

Was that cool?

£160.

So at this point, you're just like over it.

You're just like, I'm done.

I did it.

I never really wanted to be here.

Yeah, just like fucking.

But also, like, the most incredible.

Like, we had a fucking fucking great time.

Yeah.

And, like, like I say, the perspective, and there's a, if you go a couple of pictures back,

maybe one more, one more.

So, this guy, yeah, he was the head teacher.

So, this is at a school, and I've just been teaching the kids there, like, uh, some liver puddling words and phrases.

Really?

And this guy's like,

huh?

So, you get Pepsi there, that's cool.

Who the fuck?

Look how grizzled this fucking face is.

Wait, that's you?

Damn, you look different.

You're in shape there.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you lost it.

Yeah, yeah.

What the fuck, bro?

I'm cycling in 35 degrees Celsius heat through fucking India, of course.

With zipped-up shirts, long, not even a long sleeve.

Damn.

Yeah, so this guy.

Grizzled he is.

He sees me speaking to the kids.

Yeah.

And he starts like crying.

And he calls over

the girl we had with us.

So we took a camera operator and a sound guy with us for the filming, but we hired an Indian girl to be our like second camera out there because obviously it was cheaper to do it that way rather than flying someone out and all that stuff.

So he called her over to translate a conversation.

And he says,

he goes, I've read all of Shakespeare.

He's like, I can't speak good English, but I can read some English.

And he says, what I teach these kids,

and like when I first recounted this story later that night I was like gone crying he goes what I teach these kids I teach them to add to write to speak but none of that matters what I have to teach them is happiness and to find happiness in nothing because that's all they'll ever have

And after cycling through these villages where children are running out of their houses covered in their own shite, being happy and waving at us for a week.

I was like, it's people like this that are making these kids

not care, like, not that they don't care, but like

be able to be happy in this absolute poverty.

Damn.

Yeah.

Wow.

He was a cool guy.

Teach them how to be happy with nothing.

That's so fucking good.

Because that's all they'll ever have.

Isn't that brutal?

It is brutal.

Does this make you

do anything to your not appreciation of Liverpool, but like how you relate to the UK, to your life?

Yeah, it made me more grateful for it.

It also made me feel quite guilty that you know

I was in India raising money for white kids back home.

Yes, you can't just bike around Edinburgh.

That's like do the Edinburgh, Glasgow mile.

Yeah, Damn.

Damn.

Hey, Alan, when he starts tearing up, can you just put a big, like, right at the end, can you put a big, like, gay stamp over him?

Damn, that sucks.

Look how cool their outfits are, though.

Yeah.

They were fully.

Is that their school outfits?

Is that just normal?

They don't have like school outfits.

It's just like whatever they've got, they'll wear that day, you know?

Damn.

It's so fucking bleak.

Yeah.

It is funny when you like see people, I'm sure it's like that in the UK, also, just like fighting with each other about like privilege or whatever.

You're like, you know, you guys are all, it's like the 98th percentile scream of the 99th.

Yeah, yeah.

It's yeah, absolutely.

And also, like, that uh, the pizza place we went to, because obviously in the hotels, all the food is included and free with the fucking

booking and stuff.

But um, the pizza place where you get the bill, you get the check, and

for seven of us to have uh three drinks each, a pizza each, and two sides each, it was uh 22 pounds.

30 bucks.

Um,

and so I

try and tip the guy.

So, I think I give him like the equivalent of you know

50 bucks, like 40 pounds, whatever.

And he goes, No, no, no, no, no, no.

And we were like, No, take it.

And Shruti, who was our Indian girl who was working with us, she goes to the guy, oh, this is an English thing.

Like, they

pay more than

the check because they are grateful for the food.

And he goes, but I can't accept this because you are a guest of India.

And, like, this is a, they've got nothing.

And he's like, you're a guest.

Like, I can't.

Like, you've paid enough for the food.

We don't want any more.

Whoa.

Damn, weird.

There's obviously a lot of problems.

Like, I'd hate to be a white woman out there.

Like, I know friends of mine who've gone out there as white women and just like been, you know, harassed and groped.

I mean, that's the biggest fear of India with the church.

Wait, yeah.

So that's happened to them.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whenever I'm thinking about it with that, I'm always like, maybe it's just in some small town or one town.

I don't quite get it.

But like, the level of like spirituality and gang

chad is like it's such a wild crossover, yeah.

Like, how do the both those things exist?

I think they just do them on different days, you know.

You're right, like, oh, you went out on Thursday, yeah, I should not take the bus on Thursday.

You should have known that.

A friend of mine went out there and uh, she's certainly like white presenting, she's got some sort of um

Mediterranean background, but you would never know it, really.

Yeah, and she uh she she's like a really sort of right on, she's like super feminist girl, yeah, but even she was like, as much as I was being harassed out there, I sort of like, not to victim blame myself, she was like, I felt like, oh, I shouldn't actually be here.

Like, this is sort of on me for being in this exact spot.

I've fucked this up.

Interesting.

I sort of knew if I came to here, this would happen, and I've done it anyway.

And then it did.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's a difference between like

victim blaming and like explanation.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

It's like, oh, I mean, here's how to avoid that next time.

Yeah, totally.

Like, if you're walking around New York with like

your watch on and you're like, yeah, I'm sorry that happened to you.

If you're like waving a cab down like this,

you're like,

yeah, watch someone come over and took your watch while you were doing this in the street with your watch on in a short-sleeved t-shirt.

Like,

there's some lessons you can take from this.

Yeah.

Like, sorry it happened to you.

Let me tell you how to avoid that in the future.

Let me tell you why that happened.

Damn.

So was it just white chicks or did they say or was it like any chick?

So

Shruti, who is she's from Mumbai.

So it's

quite a bit away from where we were.

And she came up and like there's a

go is down there.

Interesting.

There's a couple of like sorts of times where she even though she so like the the guys who drive like the tuk-tuks and stuff, they'll try and and rip you off.

And they she stopped them ripping us off.

You mean extra money?

Yeah, yeah.

So they'd be like, oh, it's this much.

And like, she'd come out of nowhere and be like, no, no, no, no, no.

You deal with me and it's going to be this.

But she said she was only doing that when we were with her.

She was like, I can't be a woman on my own in Delhi or Agra.

She's like, I can't be.

You've got to stay with me.

And like, so wow.

Yeah.

And then, like, there was

because the charity had put us up in certain hotels and there was one or two nights where the hotel was full because of us.

Because, like, there was like 50 of us doing the challenge.

So, if a hotel only had, like, 30 rooms, you know, the hotel was full with us all sharing rooms.

And she was booked on to help us quite late.

So there was like two, maybe three nights out of the 10 where she had to be in a different hotel.

And, like, Will, who like sort of arranged everything for us, he's our creative director

with our company.

He's the

yeah, he's he's he's fucking the kids, yeah.

Um, he

was like, Oh, I'm gonna book these hotels, and she was like, Not that one, and not that one.

She's like, I'm a woman on my own, you just got to trust me.

She was like, You can find a cheaper one, I'm just not staying on that street.

She knew, yeah,

she's like, I can't be there on my own.

She was like, Again, if you were in the hotel, maybe, but like, I'm not being a woman on my own on that street.

That's the kind of shit that I'm like, I don't, I don't really want to go to India.

No, it's just like I'm never going back.

I loved it, and I'm never going back.

Wow.

Yeah.

And I know, too, it's like, since it's such a big country, it's like 10 countries in one.

Calcutta is nothing like Goa or whatever.

It's like.

If you've taken Indian

put it on Europe, look how many countries you'd see.

Because when they call that Asia, it's like, no, we're thinking of Chinese people and the surroundings.

India is already a different thing.

India, Pakistan is different than Afghanistan.

I know it's like more like them, but that already starts to us Middle East, which should be another continent.

Yeah.

It's crazy that the Middle East isn't another continent, yeah.

And the Middle East should go, should take over Egypt, too.

It shouldn't just go by some random river.

It's like, no, no, that's over there for sure.

I wonder how,

I wonder whether Egyptians would be upset by that.

They hate when you call them Arab.

They're like, we're 100% not Arab.

I'm like, what?

You're Muslim and you speak Arabic.

Yeah.

They're like, don't insult us.

So when I went and did some shows out in Dubai,

and

I'm in

the UAE,

there it is,

and uh

in the bar, have you done Dubai?

No, I got an offer once, I kind of wanted to not do it because I'm like, there's rumors of like slavery and stuff.

Tucker Carlson explained this to me a little bit, and he was like, Oh, no, it's bad.

Yeah, oh, you drive past it, you see it, but I was like, How much is the money?

And they're like, It's the same as any dig.

I'm like, oh, well, then I thought they were gonna give me like a fucking Rolex a minute that I'm there.

I thought it was one of those chic shows.

It's uh, I've been out a couple of times, yeah.

The first time I ever arrived there,

the the woman who books the club out there, she picked me up in the airport.

And I didn't bring this up like in any way, shape, or form.

She goes, Yeah, it's gonna be great.

You know, we've got you in some really nice hotels.

And also, by the way, you don't have to worry about terrorism because all of their money is here.

Wow.

What a good explanation, too.

Like, why not?

Like, oh, okay.

She's like, they're not going to bomb this because it'll just cost them money.

Wow.

I love a good explanation.

Like, hey, do you have to worry about venereal disease and tijuan hookers like oh no they get rid of them if they get anything it's not worth it because just because it's their money they'll lose money if the word gets out so they'd rather just get rid of them um yeah

why did i bring to bio oh yeah so the in a

i went into a bar one night first of all in the bars there they're all in hotels and there are local guys in there But that means you like, even if we were there hanging out, we couldn't like get a photograph of us taken with like them in the background.

They'll come over and be like, fucking delete that picture.

Because because i'll get in trouble for kicking a bar they just don't want yeah for like they'll go to a bar they'll drink but they don't want any evidence of it ever anyway no picture should be a national standard international but uh

like obviously liver liverpool is my football team also where i'm from and our best player for the past sort of decade has been muhammad salah who is egyptian yeah and there was a guy i'm sat at the bar in Dubai just having a beer and a local guy come up to me and he goes where are you from and I I'm like oh Liverpool.

And he goes, Mohamed Salah!

Mohamed Salah.

But he was an Arab, he was from the United Arab Emirates, and he was like, He's one of our guys.

Like, Mohamed Salah's one of ours.

Because he's Arabic.

Because he's Egyptian, yeah.

He's

the most popular country in the Arab world and the second most popular African.

What?

So it's both.

Yeah, I don't know.

It's the Arab world.

Yeah, I guess it is.

Wow.

I didn't know that either.

African or Arab?

It's Arab.

17.

Oh, modern Egyptians are only 17% Arab.

Wow.

Well, Mohamed Sal is one of them.

And they are claiming him.

65% North African.

Yeah.

Yeah.

4% Jewish.

Nice.

Making a statement.

That same night in Dubai, a guy tried to fuck me.

Isn't that interesting?

Can they do that?

So this guy was.

Is it crazy to be gay in a place where it's like there's so many more hurdles yeah but this guy wasn't from there he was israeli

so i'm sat at the bar on a bar still

and after you know a little while the guy next to me sort of picks up my accent and he's like um

where are you from is it liverpool and i'm like yeah where are you from and he goes oh i'm is uh

brings up

no really nothing there oh wait Hold on.

Is this you?

What is this?

There it is.

That's the picture from the bar, bottom left.

Okay, all right.

So

it's Kenro.

Okay.

A few on the right, I guess.

Yeah.

I did dress like that for a while, and that was my haircut, so I can't even be 100% sure it's not.

I'm not turning safe search off.

I'm sat at the bar, and he's like, Where's your accent from?

Is it Liverpool?

And I'm like, yeah.

Where are you from?

And he's like, I am Israeli.

He's like, I was born in Israel, but I was raised in London.

And I sort of split my time between the two.

And I work all over the world.

And

I'm just sat.

And, you know,

it's expensive to drink out there and stuff.

But, like, he goes,

I've, you know, had like four or five beers or whatever.

And he's like,

he's like, we'll have some tequila, please.

Two tequilas.

Jeez, whatever.

And then he gets another one.

And then I'm done with my beer.

And he's like, oh, I'll have another beer and get this guy another beer.

And then I asked for my check.

And he's like, oh,

when you went to the bathroom, I've taken care of it.

Drinks on me.

And I was like, oh, you didn't need to do that.

He's like, I'm a multi-millionaire, Adam.

Like, fine.

Don't worry about it.

And I'm like, back then, I'm like, no profile, not selling tickets anywhere.

Like, I'm getting £300 a show while I'm out there.

Like, I'm like, fucking lucky to be there.

Beautiful.

Yeah, nice.

Free drinks.

And

then I go, oh, well, it's...

been great to meet you.

And I get up to go and he stands up with me and he goes, so what room are we in?

And I'm like, what?

And he goes, what room are we in?

I assume you're staying at the hotel.

So what room are we in?

And I just told him the wrong room and said, just give me a few minutes to tidy the room up and follow me.

And he was like, okay.

And I just went to the other room that I had and went to bed.

Some rando got lucky.

Some rando got a fucking boner-up man in his door.

He goes, sick.

I mean, it must be so.

It's hard enough.

You're hitting off with a girl.

you know, at a bar, and then it's like, want to come up to my room.

We're both heterosexual.

Do you want to to come to my room.

50-50, it's not going to happen.

Even if you're flirting heavy, it's like, no, I'll give you my number, though.

Yeah, yeah, gays go right to sex, though.

So now he's like, 10% is 100% of 10.

Yeah.

And like, the gay guys are like, why would I want your number?

I don't want to speak to you.

If you were gay, the odds of you going, I have a boyfriend.

I'm like, so I had a friend, Justin, in LA, and his boyfriend was like,

Justin was a good-looking guy, and he was cheating constantly.

And the boyfriend goes, Can you just not give me AIDS?

Yeah.

And this is before prep, and Justin was like, I can't even make that promise.

I need to get it.

I'm trying to try to get it, but.

Like, fuck whoever you want.

Just don't give me it.

You can catch it.

Just don't give me it.

Once you feel a bit AIDS-y, just stop fucking me.

Just chill, bro.

Just chill.

Okay, so what did you, so, so then let's get back to this trip.

Okay.

So now you're biking day two or three or whatever.

Yeah.

What else did you get into?

We went and did a Bollywood acting class.

That was fun because we...

What's this?

Oh, what's this?

Yeah, just the side of the road?

No.

So this

is.

I forget the town we were in, but this is

the largest tiger park in India.

Wait, you biked through it?

No.

Okay.

So one morning, they wake us, they tell us we've got to be up by 5 a.m.

And we're going for a sunrise tiger safari.

Wow.

And they split us into four groups, right?

Yeah.

There's four like trucks.

Hunger games.

And there's four areas of the tiger park, right?

So there's A, B, C, and D.

And only one truck can be in each section at a time.

So they're like, you know, like the tigers could be anywhere.

And, you know.

Okay.

We're in this tiger park for four hours.

We've seen zero tigers, like zero.

Not even, and like the guys kept going,

I'm hearing over the radio, the tiger might be near this pond.

And then we drive to the pond, and he'd be like,

Maybe it's back over there.

And I'm telling you right now, this is the greatest scam in all of those.

Like at one point,

at one point, he like because he gets to the point where he's like, right, we're not going to find any fucking tigers.

I've got to find other animals.

So there's monkeys everywhere.

And like, they're on the streets.

Like,

on a safari, and he's stopping stopping the car being like, hey, look, a monkey.

And we're like, yeah, yeah, we've seen some world, bro.

He stopped for a fucking pigeon.

He's like, this is the special pigeon in India.

And we were like, we have lots of pigeons.

But he's like, not this special, this special pigeon.

One of the four groups seen one tiger and got like a photo of it.

And that was it.

But

yeah, we were in this for three.

It was the worst three hours, I think, maybe of my entire life.

Bored.

Oh, bored.

Could you even get out of it?

You can't even get out and walk around.

No, bored and tired.

Like, it's 5 a.m.

And later that day, we've got to do 70 kilometers of cycling.

So it's like, why the fuck have we been dragged out of fucking bed at 5 a.m.

for to do three hours of like listening to a guy bullshit us that he he can hear a tiger in the bushes and we're going to drive over to it oh it was absolutely abysmal and easily the worst part of the trip.

Like one of the days we had to cycle 120 kilometers, like 80, 90 miles, whatever it is.

And that day was less exhausting in its entirety than the three hours sat on this fucking

truck.

Was

honestly horrific.

Damn.

What if I just see a tiger right in this?

I'm just hoping that.

That'd be so funny if there's in the photo.

It was fucking there.

The monkeys are class, though.

The monkeys will just come up to you and take your stuff.

I've heard of that.

They're just trained just like the kids.

They're just like, if they see you've got something, they're like, I want it.

Like, one of the guys had a can of Fanta and it was unopened.

And he picks it up and a monkey jumps down, takes the Fanta off him, opens it, pours it all over the floor, and then licks it all up off the floor.

A can of Fanta.

It knows how to open Fanta.

Whoa.

It comes down.

It's like, ah.

But it hasn't figured this out.

There's a can too.

You had to pop it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it hasn't figured out how to drink out the can.

It just knows if I pour this on the floor, I can lick it off the floor.

You're wasting all of it.

That's so crazy that monkeys know that things mean food.

Yeah, took a banana.

I think I might have a video.

Like one of the when we at the entrance of the tiger park, there was some monkeys there.

And one of the guys got off and was like, oh, I've got this banana and I'm going to like use it to get a photo with the monkey.

And the monkey just ran right over to him and just took the fucking banana.

That's so cute.

I thought there might be a monkey back there.

I've got loads of videos and stuff of the monkeys.

They're just like around.

they're just around.

This was a temple, you guys just stopped.

Yeah, we that was one of the stops on one of the days.

It was let's go up to the temple, and there's a god of something at the top of this.

I mean, I probably should know exactly who it was.

I love when you go to some fucking religion, you're like, is this guy represents like six?

Sounds like a myth to me.

I'll go look at your dumb shit.

While we were in India, this is like sort of a bit of a brag, I suppose, like a humble brag, but uh,

when we were in India, we knew that the podcast at some point while we were there was gonna hit 29,000 patrons.

Yeah, and when we got to the top of that temple, we refreshed the page to check, thinking this is gonna be our big moment.

Like,

and it was on 28,999.

We were one short of hitting the greatest milestone possible at like the most beautiful, like the view at the top of this place was absolutely insane.

I think there's a picture of me with one of the local guys, yeah, that's at the top.

That's from there, yeah.

that's the picture obviously never does the these sorts of things oh that's the baby hospice zoe's place zoe's place yeah this is the baby's hospice in liverpool in liverpool there's the hospice is in liverpool yeah god look at that scenery yeah that is this is the guy who taught me ram ram oh yeah and got me but he knew he was fucking with you i think so yeah i think he's

actually fuck those indies i think he's just like part of that community and he's like i'm gonna get you saying the one that i like and fuck all the other guys yeah

wow that's gorgeous Is it safe out there when you're biking, or are there animals that can come grab at you?

There's no, like, like, there's monkeys everywhere, and like, you know, if they wanted to attack you, they absolutely could.

Um,

it, the,

the dangerous part of it, but it's, it's, it's strange, you know, like you're cycling on

roads that are too narrow for cars, but they have cars on, and you're also cycling on it.

So they also, everyone in India uses their horn as like an indicator.

It's like, watch out, I'm coming around the corner.

Yeah, it's not like get out the way.

It's like, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

Southeast Asia, every turn, every round the bend, it's like honk, honk, honk, just in case they're coming, just slow down and get out of my lane.

But you can't sleep, it's hard to get fucking used to that.

Yeah, like you're on a bike, and like you, you, you're just facing this way, and then you're just out of nowhere,

and there's a fucking truck, and you, you instinctively, like get over, like, get out the way, but then you're into a fucking wall or whatever, and they're just telling you, like, easy, I'm coming.

Yeah, they're just trying to say, like, it's totally normal to them, yeah.

And

yeah, it was real fucking dangerous.

I also like

there was a day where it would have been so great if you'd lost somebody to a car accident trying to save these hospice kids.

One girl did, um,

she broke something.

She came off and broke something, and one of the local guys came off and uh dislocated his shoulder and had to stop completely because, like, because you're such like a commodity, and like, oh my god, white people are here.

Like, cars are slowing down to look at you, and like

mopeds mopeds will like get in front of your bike and be like, they'll have one guy on the back of the moped, like filming you.

And I could have killed this guy, I swear to God.

So, on the penultimate day, the second to last day, we had two real like steep inclines.

So, like, we did like this steep incline, and it was like, right.

And then you've got one more coming up, and it's even worse than the one you've just done.

And they were genuinely like those two half-hour stints,

the two worst half hours of the whole trip.

It was so difficult.

And what you need when you're going uphill on a bike is momentum.

You've really got to be in a rhythm.

And I'm halfway up the steepest incline, and a fucking moped cuts right in front of me to start videoing me.

And I have to stop, and the chain comes off the bike.

Oh, fucking shit.

If that guy had stopped, I think I'd have thrown him off the fucking hill we were on.

I was like, you

the amount of like annoyance you've just caused me.

Oh, do it at some point.

Do it at the top.

It'll be on camera on the film we've made where I'm just like, screw.

You fucking like I lost it.

I completely,

especially that when you're like so tried by like effort that you're like, I'm not in the mood right now.

Yeah.

Like, I've been cycling for fucking six hours.

This is the last stretch.

I'm going uphill.

I'm tired.

I'm hungry.

And I've run out of water.

And you want a fucking photograph of the white guy on the hill.

But then again, you know, I sort of.

I mean, I've been there too.

We all went camping.

Me and Joe List and Bobby Kelly went camping once, and it was like we had to hike out to go camping.

So it was like, it's like you don't just camp, right?

So it was like an hour and a half because Bobby was fat, super fat, took three hours.

So three hours out there to hike, bugs everywhere biting at us.

And then you finally get there.

We're setting up a tent, and it's like starting to get dark.

And I'm having trouble with it.

One of them makes a joke and it's like, shut the fuck up.

Shut the fuck up or help.

It's one of the items.

And after it's like, I'm sorry, guys.

That was something.

So then you, so what?

Anything else on the way?

I want to see this last one.

This has to be when you finished, right?

This next one.

Let me see the next one.

That's the end of it, yeah.

So we turn up there, and there was like

there's just like local guys like playing drums and singing and shit.

They'd arranged like this big party for us.

There was shitloads of beers.

But then

it was incredible.

That's cool.

It was such like the energy was like so incredible at the end.

But then we really, really, really

got our ass handed to us by the trip back.

So the trip back from Jaipur up to New Delhi

was on a coach.

This guy weighing too much.

Right there.

Hey, he got it done, though.

What?

He got it done.

He did get it done.

It's a hidden body.

Yeah.

Was on a coach.

What do you mean, coach?

Like a bus.

A big bus.

Oh, yeah.

I still say Glastonbury, like coach.

I'm like, who's the coach of this?

And you're like, no, no, no.

The coach was supposed to be, or the bus was supposed to be two and a half to three hours, and it was nine.

Oh,

because the guy, so we checked on the map, and the guy was like, Oh, I'm gonna go the alternative route.

It's normally quicker, and it cost us six hours of our lives.

It's normally quicker, what is it?

Was it just uh traffic?

So, there's there's two routes, and one of them's like the main highway, and one of them's

Jaipur

J I J I

J A I

P U R

New Delhi.

New Delhi.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

There's two ways.

So there's two ways.

So this is 444, this is 430.

Which one did you go with?

So he went to the one on the left.

Okay.

But even then, it's like it's 15 minutes longer, but I think we might miss traffic.

And it's like nine hours.

On the maps, like it didn't say nine hours, but one of them was like, I think three hours or three hours 10 or something was the one on the right.

And the one on the left was like five.

And he was like, no, no, no, no.

Just the map's wrong.

Like, it'll be fine.

So it was nine hours.

Nine hours.

And during that nine hours, the air con broke.

And you're just in constant like traffic of

you can't sleep.

There's just there's nothing.

The one saving grace with it for me was that Liverpool played while we were on the bus, and I managed to stream it on my phone the entire game.

Okay, so I got to watch it three hours done.

Two hours gone.

That'll help.

But like when we first got on the bus, like everyone's in such a good mood.

Like there was

everyone's got like 10 beers each, and we're like, fucking, we can drink beers on the bus, and we'll be hammered when we get back.

Let's have a nice meal together when we get back, it's all gonna be great.

And then, a few hours in, everyone's just like, just fucking

shut the fuck up and get through this together.

That's how uh Ecuador was.

We realized after a while, where it's like Google Maps is like two and a half hours, like that's five

with the windiness of it.

And it's like, it's like that's unrelated.

And don't try to make it.

If it gets dark, pull over, find up something to sleep in.

It was absolutely horrific, just not

fun at all.

Um,

yeah, and then you had your last day, which is this, and we had the last day, nice meal,

and then uh, oh, what the fuck's Redford?

I like finding random places on the map and just like, what is that?

So, I think that might be one of the places that's linked to

the Taj Mahal.

Do you know why he built it?

Do you know why the guy built the Taj Mahal?

Jimmy Taj, why?

So, he built it as a present for his partner.

Oh, really?

Yeah, but he also built tunnels into it so that he could leave it and cheat on it.

That's

he could leave it underground and go and fuck other people.

Respect.

Respect.

I mean, they give you that book of positions and say, don't use them all.

That's ridiculous.

You're going to find some chick who wants to use pages 6 through 12.

That's so crazy.

So you're never going back there.

No, never, ever.

I don't think we'd be allowed back at the Taj Mahal because we played a game.

This is such an infantile game.

So, it's a game that me and Carl play.

And the rest of the podcast boys hate it.

They cringe.

But, like, we've got no cringe whatsoever.

So, there's an old

kids' TV show that we grew up with

called Dick and Dom in the Bungalow.

Just like an old in the bungalow, yeah.

Yeah, it's like an old kids' show.

And they used to, they started a game with school kids called Bogies.

And the game of bogies is: it's me against you, right?

And the idea is, I say bogies, and then to beat me, you've got to say it louder than I did.

I know that.

One episode.

What's bogies mean?

Usually we say like

bogies like a boogie.

Okay.

Right?

So that's the kids' version.

Me and Carl, who are, you know, essentially two absolute man-child

people,

we just still play it, but we say bonus.

It's just bonus.

We know that game.

And we play bonus at the Taj Marl.

It's a holy sight, huh?

It's a holy sight.

And there's video footage of like

Fritty Lao bonus.

You know, someone's trying to spiritualize up and just hearing bonus, like you're rolling after me.

It's the worst, the worst game of bonus we ever played was at the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam.

Oh, yeah, I love that place.

But it's so quiet in there.

Oh, yeah, it sure is.

And the absolute silence of everybody

when

I put an absolute top, top corner bonus in.

Like, Carl had gone like bonus.

And I was like, bonus.

Do you ever tap out?

Like, I can't.

I can't.

It's too embarrassing here.

So, I, I really, especially when I know we're being filmed and it's for, it's for fun and like it's going to go as a thing.

I just don't really have a cringe level like that.

I'm just like, if someone comes up and goes, what the fuck are you doing?

Then I know I've got the out of, are we filming a prank?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

So, like, if that wasn't there, maybe I'd be a bit more cautious.

But when I know I've got that, I'm like,

there's no amount of loud you could do that's going to beat me.

Yeah.

You've just got no.

That's tough.

That is tough.

That is tough.

But I'm just like, what's going to happen?

Yeah.

You can't.

What are you being arrested for?

He shouted a rude word in the Van Gogh Museum.

Yeah, let him go.

We had one time we were going to Sydney and we had this thing where we covered Bobby Lee's car and poop and his door handles and stuff, human poop, or whatever, whatever.

Whatever, whatever.

And then Duncan, who was working for the owner of this comedy store at LA once, said that the owner was really mad about it.

She had never found out about it, but he said he was just, she was, he was her pope, pretty much.

He's like, the owner said she's mad.

She wants to hear about it.

And this guy, James, just ratted me out.

Ari made me.

Ari did this.

I'm like, you think you're telling the owner on me.

You're not, but you think you were.

So I waited a while, almost a year.

And then we all were going, didn't mention it, went down to San Diego.

We went to Tijuana to fuck some hookers and whatever, have a Tijuana time.

And then we did shows at the comedy store in La Jolla.

And then I made sure he went went on last of the three of us.

And it's two and a half hours away driving.

And I told the guy who just got off, I went on first.

The other guy, I'm like, let's go.

He goes, what do you mean?

We're leaving.

We're leaving James here.

And he was like, what?

I'm like, we're leaving James here.

You can come or you can stay.

I don't give a fuck.

He goes, can you tell me why?

I'm like, in the car, but we got 10 minutes before he gets off.

So let's go.

And I printed up that note of what he wrote to the owner.

And I just get it with the door guy.

We're rat on the outside.

And I said, give this to James when he gets off.

And James gets off.

Sees, I was like, what?

Reads it of note he wrote a year ago that no one saw

how to get a train back to la

and at that point he goes i'm done like he's like i don't want to keep upping this

absolutely yeah if you're screaming boner at some point i'm like yeah i don't want that you won't have an ending

spectacular adventure

It was so great.

And I was back at the store.

We made it back by almost midnight.

A bunch of people were there.

And then we got a phone call from the manager of the La Jolla comedy store.

It goes, Where's Jay?

And then they came.

I was like, Did you leave James Painter in San Diego?

And then people were like, What?

And I'm like,

the word got out immediately.

Oh, it was so great.

So, like, I

haven't really got like a revenge study that sort of tops that, but I've got a sort of a thing.

So,

I like I will just, you know, I'll go too far.

Yeah, like, I just will.

So, like,

years ago, me and two comedy, I don't know if you know either of them, Paul Smith and Brennan Reese.

And we both did a show down near London in Milton Keynes, but we all live in the northwest, so we travel down together and we're driving back home.

And we stop at a service station just to get like a bite to eat and take a piss.

And

I finished my food and I was like, right, I'm going to go to the toilet.

And they did what you did to James to me.

But unprovoked, right?

So they just leave.

And I'm now at a service station.

There's no trains at service stations.

I don't know how you get away from there.

So I'm like, what am I going to do?

So like, I initially start laughing.

I'm like, what, whatever.

And then I call them, and they're like both laughing.

And they're like, we're on our way back, we're on our way back.

And they come back, and I was like, what was the point of that?

Like, if you've come back, like, what was the point?

And they were like, well, we weren't going to, but then we realized

we would really end up regretting this

because they know

when one of our children go missing.

Remember 38 years ago?

Think about it.

Think about it.

What's today?

What is today?

What anniversary is today?

Yeah.

I'm kind of glad I've got that reputation where I don't have to really do anything awful.

People just know that I'm willing to.

You're capable of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Damn.

So that's your trip.

That's the trip.

Pretty much.

Is there anything you're leaving out of it?

What were the bathrooms like?

Were you able to like?

It's holes and floors.

Holes and floors.

Holes and floors.

And then, like, they're not.

Are you prepared for that?

Huh?

Are you prepared for that?

They tell you?

Do you train?

So I have IBS anyway.

So, like, I've, you know, if I've got to go, I've got to go.

And I've had to shit in some places where it might as well be a hole in the floor.

Sometimes you go into, like, a.

I don't know how your stomach is, but, like, if I've got to go, I've just got to go.

And if that means that, like, I'm in a terrible bar or restaurant and I've just got to go.

Worst bar in Scotland.

It could be a night thing.

Yeah, but like the hive in Edinburgh.

You're like.

You don't want to shit there.

No, but if I've got to, I've got to.

And that that might as well be a hole in the floor because I'm not sitting on the fucking seat.

No way.

Yeah.

So like it, like to me, Coop and Coke.

Like the guys I was with were like, oh, this is disgusting.

And I'm like, nah, you know.

Have you ever shit outside, just like on the street, in an alley?

No, no.

I've come pretty close to needing to, to be honest with you.

Shit have bunion kids.

I've never shit myself, which I'm really proud of because I really should have by now.

Well, at some point, you're like, I'm going to shit on the floor.

If I shit myself,

I think I'd rather just shit on the floor on the street.

Yeah, I shit all over my dad's bathroom once.

You're in the bathroom.

So

here's my theory.

Here's my theory.

And I might try and do stand-up about this, right?

Here's my 30.

It's a shit joke, so like it's been disgusting, but here's my theory, right?

My theory.

Oh, theory.

Okay.

Theory.

Sorry, it's the accent.

Have you ever been real?

Have you ever had like the runs and you're desperate for like, right?

Yeah, sure.

I think

our

assholes

become like sentient

because as you get close to a toilet, it's like your asshole knows.

It's like, oh, we're good to go.

As soon as you get the key in the door, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Your asshole's like, oh, we're ready, right?

And I've been pooped now.

Yeah.

I've been out drinking like until like 5 a.m.

And I got home.

And as I, like, I'm struggling to keep it in.

And I get to the door.

And it was when I lived at home with my dad.

And I, I get in, and I run upstairs, but I'm also drunk,

so I drop my trousers, and then my asshole's just like time to go because then it's the air, yeah.

And then I'm at the bathroom door, and it's not a large bathroom, like maybe if I'm at the front door, maybe your laptop is where the toilet is.

Yeah, so I, in my drunken state, tried to like spin my ass and throw it in,

but it wasn't all solid.

So, I just created like this present moon of shit all over the battle.

Chuck it in there with your butt.

And you got to understand what that was like.

If you've never done that before,

the odds of like throw left-handed 50 yards.

Like, okay, yeah, but like, I live for the story, Ari.

So, like, if imagine if I now was sat here getting to tell you, I once threw a shit into the toilet with my ass from the door.

I mean, if you hit it, yeah, you're a hero.

But

you got no choice.

You got an underhand shovel pass if your Mahomes get intact.

You gotta try.

You gotta try.

I was hammered, I covered the floor in it, and uh, I'm cleaning it up.

And then my dad wakes up and he comes into the bathroom, and he like I'm his eldest son, and he's just like,

How much more disappointed can you be in your son just watching him clean his own shit off the bathroom floor?

Like, you're like, but, dad, I'm you'd be more disappointed if I wasn't cleaning it,

cleaning it.

You raised a responsible,

and we now need to deal with the mess we've made.

And look at me doing that.

I took a dump on uh, Kill Tony at Skank Skankfest

on the stage.

On the stage.

Yeah, we had a theory that the Skank Fest audience loves me so much.

Somebody's like, you could take a shit on stage, they still love you, like as an allegory.

And I was like, no, that's a, I'm taking that like realistic.

And so I just took a shit on stage.

I said I had to piss, piss in a bottle, and that filled up, piss in another bottle.

And then I was like, oh, it's getting worse.

I got a shit.

I knew it.

I mean, I knew it.

How did they take it?

Screams.

Nobody left.

Screams, screams, like horror screams, or like mixture of horror and like what the people in the back liked it more than the people up front.

And then I had some dude wipes and I wiped it up.

But then I have this thing they talk about in movies where once you have a gun in the scene, the gun's in the scene.

Yeah.

And then it's like, oh shit.

Yeah.

You can't just put a gun on it.

So it's like I have wiped dude, and I'm like, oh, I didn't realize.

No, I have something, I have a projectile.

I've just realized I lied to you.

I have shit outside, and it was on this trip.

So, and this is awful.

This is real bad and

so the day we stopped at that school yeah right there there's like a toilet at the front of the school that was just full of spiders and and when i say toilet it's a hole in the floor it like

so to the right of this like this building okay there's like a a toilet just full of like a hole in the floor

like just full of spiders and i'm not like terrified of spiders but i don't like them

yeah so i was like i'm I'm not doing that.

So I spoke to

Shruti and she spoke to this guy.

And this guy was like, oh,

just around the back.

Just go around the back.

So she goes, just go and shit around the back.

So I go around the back of the school.

What are you expecting to find around the back?

A different bathroom?

Well, this is the thing.

I just went and shit around the back of the school on the school.

And then as I was pulling my pants up, I look up and there was another bathroom that had no spiders in.

So, this guy was like, oh, the spider-free bathroom is just around the map.

Sorry, they should have told you in the first place.

This guy's prissy with the spiders.

So, yeah, but like, I just had, I just had to go.

It was, you know, we're halfway through.

Did you tell anybody at that point?

Are you just like, you're getting out of there?

Oh, no, like, everyone knew what I'd gone to do.

They, they, until right now, didn't find out that, you know,

there was a bathroom that I probably should have used.

Did you wipe?

Yeah.

With what?

Like, we took wipes with us.

Okay.

You got to take, you're in India.

You got to take wipes with you.

I would say that is a little tip for any hole in the ground toilet country is bring wet wipes with you wherever you go.

Or a little pack of tissue paper, dry or wet, both.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like

bring them.

They are as essential as like shoes in a country like that.

You won't find real toilet paper.

You won't find a real bathroom.

You will find need to shit now.

So, that combination is real bad to not have to do.

You absolutely like we all had them.

Like, that was like, so when they um, when they get when you do this, like, charity thing challenge, they, they send you a checklist of the stuff.

You must bring this with you.

So, there's like, you must bring a helmet, you must bring the right thing, you must bring a backpack every day to keep snacks in.

And in big,

like, bigger letters than everything else at the bottom, it's like you must bring enough toilet paper and wipes for you to use during the cycles.

They're like, the hotels will have them.

Everywhere else will not.

You need these.

That's real solid advice.

Like,

helmets written in like size 10 font and wipes are written in like size 72, like a new header at the bottom of the paper.

That's really solid.

When I went to China, I went to Shanghai.

It was like, no one had told me.

And so they're like, I guess there's other people from China coming here.

They know.

So like the bar who interacted with the shit.

I thought Shanghai was like a developed and upset.

In this, in the sure.

And then you go a little outside the main part of town and it's like back to them.

Back to like, sometimes they'll have both.

Yeah.

Because they're like, well, we're not used to toilets.

We want, where's our hole?

And they don't repair the toilet ones as much.

So yeah, you might just not find one.

So the guy who owned the bar was like, hey, keep this with you.

I'm like, for what?

He goes, you'll know.

He just laughed like that.

And I'm like, what?

I just didn't get it.

Yeah.

Man, thank God.

thank god you might oh shit it's right i put this in here before oh it's such a that's so smart they actually told you that yeah they've done it before

yeah what a trip it was great man yeah what a time it's done and it's done done done we were we're gonna is there a smell in india that you like can remember now not that you can describe it sounds like you're being sort of racist but like everything smells of piss shit and curry like not in like the sort not in you know the area we stayed on the last night yeah but everything's polluted.

All they eat is curry.

Like, it's it, look, this is just from my experience, the areas I went to.

All they eat is curry.

And, you know, people do have to piss and shit in the streets because

they do.

And it's

still an incredible place.

It's a really, really incredible place that I'm happy to not see again.

That is cool that you went there.

Open defecation has been an issue in India.

I call issue it, they're downplaying it.

What?

What?

But open defecation is also an issue, like in Gramacy.

When you pass poop and you're like, it's human.

You just know the difference.

What are they all doing here?

Oh, they're all shit.

And those are boxes.

They're all boxed out.

Well, that's nice.

They're laying down a little piece of paper.

They did something.

This kid, fuck,

fuck.

Disgusting.

Are they all pissing?

Cow dung fight.

Okay, well, well at least that's cow dung.

Oh, that's an annual festival they have.

We just missed that.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

But like the cows are sacred out there, so it's like a good thing, you know.

Ugh.

All right.

Well, before we wrap up again, the special what's the special called?

I'll put a bumper in earlier.

Latest special is called What's Wrong With Me.

It's on the Have a Word podcast YouTube.

YouTube.com slash have a word pod.

There's four specials in total on

YouTube.

But the late, yeah.

You put them all on on YouTube?

They're all on YouTube.

That's good.

I pitched this latest one to

Netflix, but they were like,

they got back and they were like, we love this, we love you, but we can't take an unsolicited submission.

You have to go through a Jew?

Yeah.

Yeah.

We can't take it unsubmit.

Why?

I don't know.

You think if Dave Chappelle calls them and I got a new special, they're like, nah.

They have all these rules that don't really apply.

They just say it.

I was trying to get him to like, I make a good-looking clip.

Like, Schultz taught me how to make better-looking clips.

Yeah.

I was like, I asked him once for advice.

Like, hey, I finally have like a topical clip.

And he goes, you send us me a show.

He goes, oh, no, no, no change the font, change this, change that.

I was like, all right, I'll figure it out.

He goes, no, no, send it back before you post it.

I'll help you through it.

He's really supportive.

Okay.

But then he's like, all right, let me show you how to make good-looking clips.

And then Netflix's look terrible.

I was like, hey, guys, I made some.

Can you?

use mine.

They're like, no, we want to keep them all the same, even though they're bland and bad.

And I was like, but Gabriel Iglesias, he's not using yours.

And they go, well, I'm like, oh, oh, you mean a big name can do it?

So you don't really have a rule.

So I was like, I'll just post my own.

You guys, I don't need to collab with you.

But yeah.

Fucking 3 million subscribers and 80,000 clips views.

That's cool.

What's wrong with me?

Yeah.

Let's see who's looking.

This was filmed in Liverpool last March.

Cool set design.

I really love how it looks.

And the guys did a really good job on the edit.

I'm really happy with the hour.

And

it's like a bucketless room for me as well.

What is it?

It's the Liverpool Empire.

It's the place I first ever saw stand-up.

It's like a 2000

300 seater.

That is cool.

And

we did two shows on the one night.

Alfie Brown.

What was his credit?

Alfie Brown, he opened the whole tour and he directed the show.

Oh, interesting.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's so funny that, oh, Russell Howard, I met him once.

Oh, it's Elliott.

That's cool.

I know a lot of these guys out here.

Are these the big ones?

Are these just do they just know people I know?

I've got no idea.

How does it suggest just the latest ones?

Two weeks ago, one month ago, five days ago.

No, there's more recent than that.

They're out every

day.

That's just a random selection.

Yeah, I know a lot of these people.

Finn, I know.

It's not bad.

I'm already in the fucking London scene, the UK scene.

I know Russell.

I know Elliot.

I know.

That's two out of three.

Sloss, Finn.

Adam, Dan, and Carl, and Finn.

Oh, okay, right.

Did you change Finn's name to two N's?

Is it a different?

No, no, that's not Finn Taylor, that one.

There's a guy called Finn who is our fourth.

Sloss?

Finn Taylor.

Yeah, I did a show.

I was in.

It was at Shane, I know.

Oh, you finally got him on.

Congratulations.

I finally got who on.

Shane.

When I went last time, you were telling me somebody's, oh, Seguro's in town.

We were trying to get Segoro on.

No, Shane did it years ago.

Jim Jeffries, I know.

Ari Shafir, I know.

There he is.

Yeah.

Vittorio and Mike Rice.

They're two really great comics.

Oh, cool.

Chicks.

Oh, Gabby Bryan, I know.

Damn, I know a lot of these.

She's American.

Jamali, I know.

All right.

Well, whatever.

All right, guys.

Check out the podcast.

Have a word.

It's good fun.

It's good fun.

It is good fun.

It's just ridiculous and just good fun.

So these are all your specials.

What's wrong with me?

Daniel 9gs has a special.

Okay, Juicy.

So Juicy is one long story.

It's sort of more like an Edinburgh story.

show

i didn't ever take it to edinburgh um i only ever i only ever did juicy like 15 times really

in total um

but it's a it's a it's just one long story and that was probably the best received thing maybe i've ever put out imperious is the tour before my most recent one yeah and then there's an old special on there called club comic but i don't think that's on this channel i think that's on my my youtube but i don't really use that one anymore okay uh club comic was just, it's two sets at the comedy store in London that I just did two separate sets and stitched them together.

That's cool.

I love Elliot Steele.

It's so cool to see him still around.

He's become an absolute like monster of a comic.

Really?

Maybe it's so interesting.

I meet these guys at Edinburgh and I'm like, okay, I got a sense of you, but they're like, I was a year in.

Yeah.

And I'm like, oh.

So I met Elliot when he was 17.

There was a package show in Edinburgh, like, you know, like a mixed build

called Big Value.

And I did that with Elliot.

And he was 17 and we became really good mates.

like, I hope he doesn't mind me saying this.

He was all right.

Yeah, he was all right then, yeah.

And then about a year ago, I went down to London for some stuff and dropped into top secret and asked him, Could I do a set?

And they were like, Yeah, you can go up after Elliot.

And I watched him and I was like, Oh,

like, I've got to follow

just

burning the place to the ground, and like, not with like

easy stuff, like with fucking

provocative, well-written.

He's just become

what's happened is he started at 17.

He's had a little bit of nepotism, maybe, because you know, he signed with big agency early on, who his dad was already with.

And I think he maybe got pushed onto a couple of things.

And then I think he's sort of got to a point where he's like, hang on.

I'm just going to go and work for fucking three years and just see where I end up here.

And honestly, like the last two or three times I've seen him, I've been like, oh, holy shit.

It's also at 17, you have no life experience to draw from.

So even if you're like, I've done comedy for four years, like, yeah, but have you ever legitimately been cheated on or something?

Have you ever paid taxes?

You know what I mean?

Like, so like 10 years in from starting at 17, now you're 27, you have some life experience, and that it's like, oh, wow.

Like,

what's her name?

Taylor Tomlinson.

She started like 16, 17.

And then when she hit 28, it was like, oh, I'm a 10-year comic.

Yeah.

So I'm the only one developed speaking to this life.

I started at 18 great yeah i'm 14 years in now nearly 15.

oh so yeah it's so funny you see somebody like i saw them you're like you saw the difference in one year and seven years in is so much more than between seven and 14.

oh yeah yeah so it's like oh that's great that makes me happy that first decade is just constant growth isn't it and then you eventually sort of find your voice and then it's incremental changes and you know what you want to say and how you want to say it yeah but those first 10 years like you're essentially just trying to find out what type of comic you are yeah and it you could see see someone as completely different.

You see a little version, too.

I went to the, in

St.

Petersburg, Florida, there's a Dali Museum, the biggest one outside of Genoa,

wherever his one is, and it goes in order of his age of when he painted stuff.

So it starts with him in art school, and it's just a bowl of fruit, just like anyone would make.

And then it's a little bit better bowl of fruit, and then one's melting, and then it just goes to where he becomes.

And it's like, you see the development of him.

That's same for the comics.

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where it's like, oh, I get an inkling.

You see an old, old clip of like somebody like, oh, I get an inkling of what you're going to become.

I remember listening to Sloss on a podcast years ago or maybe an interview.

And he says,

I hope I hate

the special I'm doing now in five years.

He's like, because if I don't hate it, it means I've not moved on and not got better.

He's like, I look at my old stuff from when I started and I really can't stand what I was doing.

He's like, but I see that as a good thing because it means I must be better now.

Yeah.

Atel does that where he's like, that was so funny.

He goes, it's just a simple switch.

He's on such another level that he's like sees through what he's doing.

And he's like, it's garbage.

You're like, I mean, you're a lot better than I am because I just thought it was awesome.

Okay.

All right.

It's bad.

All right.

Anyway, so before I go, I got two things.

I got to ask everybody for a travel tip in general.

Or it might be India.

It could be bring fucking toilet paper, but like we just did that.

But anyway.

And also like what country is calling you that you've never been to?

Like what?

Not one, but uh.

Okay.

Okay.

So

if you'd have asked me this a year ago,

like we'll come back to the travel tip, but if you'd have asked me a year ago for the country that's calling me, I'd have said Australia.

But I've been now and I fucking don't get it.

You don't get Australia?

I don't get Australia.

Why?

You don't like overpriced cocaine?

No.

Interesting.

That's why you should go.

So if you don't like that, I kind of liked Sydney.

I didn't like Melbourne.

I didn't like Perth.

And I didn't like Brisbane.

Brisbane, I think, is terrible.

Perth, I think, is fine.

Melbourne, I think, is fine.

Sydney, I think, is good.

Wow.

And I didn't go for like festival season.

I went and did.

I was there for 10 days.

I did a show in each town.

And then I left.

And I just, do you know what it is?

It's not a bad place.

Yeah.

Just for where it is to get it needs to be better

interesting yeah brisbane is it's not like it's one of my most it's the most underrated city in australia there are boozers they're trash they lean into it brisbogan

but yeah you wouldn't go going what the fuck it's not like new delhi or or paris or something no we're like it's a city yeah you just full of cool trash people yeah yeah i get what you're saying it's too far to go for just that just chicago yet it's just not worth the fucking distance like if you put australia and mate like see that big gap between like the uk and america yeah if you put australia just there

then i'd be like yeah let's go and see it yeah but like that because that would be a three-hour flight maybe right the 24-hour flight and the jet lag adjustment and all that stuff yeah is just not fucking worth it it's really not worth it okay so where would you say now then

um

all respect to asia and your overpriced coke and your meat pies at 7-eleven.

I really want to do South America.

I want to do like Brazil.

Something like that.

Yeah.

Maybe, maybe for, you know.

Extended?

Huh?

For what?

For the.

What's the fucking carnival thing in Brazil?

In Rio?

Carnival.

The.

Carnival.

No.

What's.

There's a thing in Rio.

Like, it's.

Carnival.

Yeah, maybe.

I don't know.

I don't know the name of it.

I forget.

There's one in Trinidad and Tobago, too.

This is mine from Trinidad.

It's part of my costume.

It rules, bro.

The Rio one is bigger, the Trinidadian one is the first.

So I, yeah, Brazil's definitely on the list.

And also, I want to do like

Asia, Asia.

Uh-huh.

Like what?

Like Thailand, as you mentioned before, Philippines, something like this.

And like bucket lists for me.

Like, I think if I ever got married for honeymoon, I'd want to do like Bora Bora, you know, where you're just in the middle of like paradise.

Shit like this, yeah, seeing those costumes, yeah,

yeah,

it was fun.

Look at that, look at this.

I mean, they party, these carnivals are fucking party.

Look how everyone's dressed up in different outfits.

It's like the original, like, uh, how do you not want to go to the how do you not want to go?

Look at this and be like, nah, not for me.

Like, even if, like,

even if you're a bit of an introvert, like, just go and fucking be quiet in the corner and watch it.

It's gotta be, it's gotta be like a spectacular thing to witness, you know?

God damn.

I mean, the pomp and circumstance.

It's like, who could not appreciate just the making of this thing?

This giant fucking squid demon

that's a size of like 30 people.

What the fuck?

And it's gone after a day.

Travel tip.

Yeah.

Get real comfortable traveling alone.

I like it.

Be willing to do it.

And like, you know, if you, if you want to go somewhere, if you've like seen something somewhere and you're like, that's for me, I want to go and see that.

Yeah.

You've got to be able to do that without relying on someone else to get the same time off work, be as interested as you and all that shit.

Because if you're not comfortable going alone, then you will have to constantly wait for people.

Totally.

Instead of like, let's say you and I are visiting tomorrow.

Let's say we go to like anywhere.

Yeah.

Chicago.

Yeah.

And you're like, I got work to do.

Am I going to wait for you in the hotel?

Or am I going to be like, all right, there's a bar around this corner.

In two hours, let me know.

I'll be there somewhere.

Like, you've got to be able to go out.

Be able to go out.

Good tip.

Travel.

Like, you don't have to travel everywhere alone.

And I understand that shared experiences are often more memorable and stuff.

But if you are really comfortable going, I'm going on my own.

Being in, like, I know people who won't even eat in restaurants alone.

And I'm like, you've got to be able to go anywhere in the world, alone, be comfortable.

Table for one, please.

Yeah.

Do you mind if I just sit at the bar, be a police please, sir, whiskey chaser.

Like, just get comfortable being on your own because you can see a lot more of the world that you're interested in if you are not relying on a girlfriend or a friend or a fucking whatever.

That's not, how do you get comfortable being alone?

You just force yourself to do it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's also like joint travel to me is like, is fun.

You're right.

There's definitely some things to that.

And when you go, one of your mates can be like, I found this thing.

Like, sick.

I hadn't done that research.

I don't mind what we can do.

We can do that one.

Van Gogh Museum was one of my friend Paul Paul Morrissey's like the Van Gogh Museum.

Okay.

I wouldn't have known.

It was fun.

But there's a freedom of being able to go in.

Like I was in Paris.

I went to a cafe.

I was going to roll cigarettes.

And then I saw all the signs were like in English.

I'm like, this is like a tourist one.

And I'm by myself.

And I was like, I'm going.

And I just go.

If you and I are there, I'm like, hey, do you mind if we can go to the next one?

You'd be like, sure, why?

I'm like, I don't know.

It seems kind of

tourist.

Now the waiter's over.

Like, what can I get you?

Like,

now it's weird to leave.

You've got to justify it to someone else, like, on your own, you're just like, I don't want to fucking, yeah, everything's a fucking committee, yeah.

I like, I, I really love like going away with like a girlfriend, or like, like, me and Carl have traveled, like, just the two of us, we've been to New York together, we've been to Germany and stuff, yeah, we're like, we've done it, but like, when I'm like, I've been in the States now for two weeks, and just being like, I can wake up, I don't set an alarm, I'm just, I'm awake, I fancy a coffee, I fancy a bagel, I'm gonna go and get a coffee and a bagel, I'm gonna going to go and walk over there.

And then I'm going to go and watch the Liverpool game in that pub, even though it's further away, because I don't have to justify going to the further one.

Right.

So, this person is going to be a little bit more than that.

It's a motherfucker.

Well, this one's.

I was like, I know.

I just want, I like the colours better.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Why don't I have to say it?

This is not the optimized trip.

Right now, I've got enough time for a nap and I'm going to go and nap.

And then I'll shower.

And then I don't have to wait for someone else to shower.

I can just shower at my leisure.

I can put my music on when I'm getting ready.

Like,

yeah, it's

nice.

General tip for life is just be comfortable being alone.

Like, and accept that, like, you are often going to want company.

But, like, if you can be, if you're listening to this right now and you're like, oh, I could never go and eat on my own.

Just tonight, go and book a restaurant and go out tonight.

In your own city, in your own city, and like a nice one.

Don't go to a like a, I'm not talking about going to a fucking McDonald's or something like that.

Go, go and book like a really good steakhouse and just sit on your own, get a beer, get and do three courses, get oysters,

and just just sit and be like, Yeah, yeah, I'm taking my time and be on your phone.

Like,

the greatest pleasure in life for me, genuinely, is when I'm meeting one other person for drinks.

Let's say, like, we're in Liverpool and I'm meeting you for a pint, and we go, Should we say five o'clock at the pub?

And then you text me at five to five and go, ah, I'm going to be like 20 minutes late.

That 20 minutes of being in the pub, having one pint and being on my phone, waiting for the person person who's late.

I'm like, take your.

Yeah, it's sick.

I'm already set up.

I know you're coming.

That's nice.

And I'm one drink ahead of you when you arrive.

I'm like, I'm in a sweet spot.

It's class.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, you should go to Thailand, though.

I do want to go to Thailand.

It's fun.

It's fun.

Cheap beers.

You would like it.

There's an overlap between the vibe of there and Liverpool.

Yeah.

Get out of Bangkok as fast as possible.

Get out of Bangkok.

Get out of Bangkok.

Okay.

You're going to want to see it, but then, like,

go to Chiang Mai, go somewhere else fast.

Sick?

It's disgusting.

Where else?

One more place.

Recommend it.

Where have you been?

Trying to think what you would like.

Cold beers, good food, and country music.

That's all I need.

I went to see Billy Strings for the first time.

Did you?

In Fort Worth.

Me and my friend went down.

He was in Austin the same day as I was in Austin, so I couldn't go because I chose.

So we drove down to Fort Worth.

What a show.

It's just Grateful Dead.

A good country concert is soul cleansing.

I got it.

You like cold beers, country music?

Yeah.

Tokyo.

Fuck off.

What?

Massive country fans there.

No.

Not joking.

Really?

Humongous country fans, and the musicians play country, and their Sapporos are ice cold.

From what I've heard.

I'm going.

Like a girl who works for...

She's our dog sitter at the podcast because we have like two dogs who are like in the studio when we're recording.

We need someone to keep them occupied so they don't like bark and shit.

She went to Madrid recently and she was like, Adam, I've found

your spot.

Like it's a country bar that sells really good Spanish food and cocktails.

It's tiny.

She was like, the whole city's real quiet because it's January, but like this place has got a line round the block.

Like it's so busy.

And we've just waited for 45 minutes to get in and we're not leaving all night because it's so cool in here.

She sent me a video.

They're singing like Wagon Wagon Wheel.

Like, and I was like,

I've once, I've never been to Madrid, and I was like, I've wanted to go for a while, and now that has solidified it.

It's done, it's so quick, too.

It's right there, it's so close.

That's why I love, like, I've been to Nashville twice, and I'm going back in June, and I've never done spots there.

I'm not like working, I just go because cold beer, good food, and you're going back to Nashville on this trip?

Not on this trip, in Jesus.

I got a spot for you, bleep it.

It's uh,

it's karaoke, but you can smoke inside.

There's cheap beers, and if you curse while you're singing, your song's over.

Even if the song calls for cursing, they go, all right, now, all right, now, no, no, no, you know the rules.

It's so fun, and it's just alone by itself.

I think someone else might have recommended this to me.

Yeah, that's a cool one.

It's just a local cool bars.

Stay off Broadway.

I mean, you've done it.

You've seen cool places.

Even when I go back in June, I will spend, so I'm there for a week.

I will spend two of those nights on Broadway.

Okay.

Maybe the second and the second to last night, I'll be like, right, let's go and do it.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why not?

And like, there's like the obviously it's a bit better down in Austin, but like the barbecue food, like the brisket and the ribs, and like, I just, oh, just fill me up with it.

Yeah.

Like, and my favorite beer, like, I back home, all I drink is Guinness, really.

Okay.

But out here, and we, they don't sell it in the UK, but Miller Light is the greatest beer on God's Green Earth.

And the fact, like, I can get it at the comedy cellar here, every bar in Nashville, Miller Light, and it's the little 330 mil cans.

Yeah.

330 mil can of beer.

Millilite is the best alcoholic drink.

Pound him, pound him, pound him.

Ice cold.

And if you get ice cold.

Barely get a buzz.

Oh.

You get enough.

If you get a buzz, you can ride.

But you can drink it from like one in the afternoon until three in the morning and like you still remember getting home.

You surf at all?

Have you ever surfed?

Never.

Okay.

Come on.

There's a thing you get when you're like hit a wave or boogie board or whatever, even if you're not able to stand up where you're just like, oh, I'm on it now.

That buzz on a light beer is like once you get on that buzz track like i can go for seven more hours like this i'm not getting too drunk it's not liquor or like i'm gonna throw up yeah you just keep it going yeah it's class it's like it's class that beer and my all this lingo it's class it's class yeah yeah um the that beer and my love of that music is it's why how do you get the country music that's wild an ex-girlfriend introduced me to luke combs yeah and that was like the gateway and now just like i've seen him twice i've seen him in the uk in glasgow I've seen him in Nashville.

The first time I went to Nashville was to see Luke Homes.

Is he the one that sings We're all fishing in the same pond?

No, that's somebody else.

No, that's someone else.

I don't even know that song.

I'd be able to tell you if it was his.

But yeah, whenever I come to New York, even though like all of the comedy clubs are in Manhattan, and it would be so much easier if I was like staying in like the West Village or Chelsea or something, I always stay in Williamsburg so that I can drink in Skinny Dennis till 3 a.m.

Oh, really?

Yeah, and then just walk home.

Oh, yeah, they got barbecue up there.

That's right.

Zach Brown, different guy.

I've seen those guys too.

I've seen them in London.

Zach Brown band.

I've seen Zach Brown in London.

So there's a festival in the UK called Country to Country.

So they do a Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and it's Dublin, Glasgow, London.

And the lineup switch.

So

the lineup on Thursday in Dublin.

All of them go to Glasgow Friday.

They do these traveling ones now.

Where it's like, we're just here for a day.

and then like it'll come.

Yeah, it's like you get it.

They were headliners, yeah.

Dude, go see Billy Strings.

So it's like, it's psychedelic in that, you know, they play these like long beats the way, like, you know, so they stay in the same song for like way long and kind of jam.

But when they come out of it, instead of coming out of it into like rock, they come out of it into bluegrass.

So like, you're like, gone, you got to do drugs.

You're kind of gone, and then for however three to 15 minutes, and then you come out of it, and you're like, but

It's just so great.

There's wooks, it's just like, but it's country wook.

It's great, it's so fun, it's so fun.

I didn't know what I was walking into.

I'm sold.

Yeah, I uh

I just love it, like all of it.

That's great.

Yeah, it's so, yeah, I like it too.

It's just

simple, yeah, like that.

Everything,

like, there's no subtext to any of the songs.

This is what we're singing about.

Yeah, it's this, there's no, like, hidden meaning, it's this, yeah, it's real close to rap, too.

Yeah.

Well, like, I was talking to Schultz about this a couple of years ago.

He was like, it's the new rap in that it rap was like a rebellion against the sort of rock, the census.

Yeah.

And country music is now that.

Because now rap's so

R B and rap is so the thing.

Yeah.

The country's.

And even if you're like Arcade Fire or whatever would be that now, it's like, and yeah, country's now like the streets talking.

Yeah.

Interesting.

All All right, Adam Rowe.

Thanks, buddy.

Thank you so much for having me, sir.

How do you say goodbye in Indian, do you know?

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Oh.

I didn't know you were still here.

Damn, I did not mean to poop while I was doing this.

Guys, that's the episode.

I hope you had a good time.

What a disgusting place.

It reminds me of the one video where the guy's like a man in the street and he's going, what's the dirtiest country in the world?

And some guy's like, India.

And the guy goes, nope, guess again.

And the dirty interviewer goes, I'm pretty sure it's India.

It doesn't make me want to go.

For all the spirituality,

there's just something disgusting about it.

Well, today's episode is edited by Alan Caffey.

Alan, I'm sorry about this.

It's part of the job of working for YMH.

It is part of the job.

It's edited by Alan Caffey, produced by your mom's house network.

YMH.

Productions.

That's it.

Before I go, I would like to tell you one thing about India, I guess I should say.

I got to do my recommendation for the week.

But also.

Ari Shafir's renamed storytelling show.

Get your tickets.

The pre-sale starts Tuesday at noon o'clock Eastern Time.

It's in New York City, April 20th, 21st, 22nd.

As I said, the rules are:

you need to come with the name, with an ID that matches the name you purchase the tickets with.

That's the Sop Scalpers.

I want people in those seats.

Presale is Tuesday at noon.

Promo code Ari at AriShafir.com.

Also,

come see me on the road.

Also, dates are at ari shafir.com.

Is it punch up something?

It's punchup.com slash live.

What is it?

Here we go.

Punch up.

Punch up.live slash RI Shafir.

But really, just go to Rishafir.com where you can get merch like this.

The Go for a Hike shirt.

The Stay Positive shirt.

All sorts of stuff.

But it's the final six shows.

I'm done with the show after that.

I'm going to go do stuff.

But it'll be done.

And come see it out with a bang, you guys.

I started this show 12, 13 years ago, 2012, 13 years ago.

I had a small, tiny room and

had no name back then.

We just did a bunch of psychedelic drug stories.

The lineups will be secret, but I'm telling you, every single lineup is something you're going to want to be at.

We're going to have limited edition rhizograph or possibly lithograph posters only available for the people at the show for purchase.

That's it.

And if you want to come to more than one show, come different days.

That's my only thing to tell you.

That's it.

I'm on the road this weekend on Saturday and Sunday.

I'm in Atlanta and Portland.

Adrian Appalucci and Sean Patton are in Atlanta with me at the Tabernacle and Portland show added.

Adrian Appalucci and Turner Sparks will be with me.

And then San Jose,

Orlando,

Dania Beach, whatever, Fort Lauderdale.

Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary, and Edmonton.

And then I'm I'm done.

I have one final show in Anchorage, Alaska in June, on June 18th.

Tickets are available at R.S.

Ferrara.

Or no, wait, punchup.live slash RISH Ferrara.

Go to my website.

Go to RShafer.com.

And that's it.

India.

Oh, also, don't forget to check out Adam Rose,

what's it called?

India special.

It's on patreon.com slash have a word pod.

You can check out his podcast as well.

Or go see him on the road.

If you do see him on the road, tell him.

If you didn't know about him before, he's legit, legit, legit UK comic.

Tell him I sent you.

Tell him you heard about him from me.

He's at the Hot Water in Liverpool, March 12th and 13th.

Manchester, and then Chester.

Is that a real place?

Chester, Birmingham, Stourbridge.

Is that a real place?

Liverpool, Belfast, London, Dublin, Glasgow, South Shields, also sounds made up.

Newcastle at Edinburgh.

Tickets are at adamrow.co.uk slash shows.

Or dot shows.

Adamro.co.uk is the website.

For all of his stuff.

Guys, India.

I'll tell you one thing I got.

I'm able to understand what Sikhs are.

They wear those little bracelets, the turbans and stuff.

And it's when I,

my one superpowers, I get into a cab, you seek?

And they go, yeah, how'd you know?

Because they're cooler.

They have that fucking bun thing, but they're just cooler.

And they have that little silver bracelet.

It's a tip from me to you.

Also, if you want to tell Koreans apart from other Asians, round face.

Look at Bobby Lee and Margaret Cho.

Look how they are similar

in a different way than Japanese people are.

It's a tip for me to you.

For this week's recommendation, I will tell you:

damn, I don't have one.

Fuck, I don't have one.

I guess just, meh, no music.

Music, food,

hikes.

I guess since I'm selling these new go-for-a hike shirts, I should tell you about a hike.

Alltrails.com.

That's my recommendation.

Use alltrails.com.

It's not an ad, but they tell you about any hike nearby.

If you're looking to go for a hike in any weather, wherever you are, go to alltrails.com.

You don't need to go to, I have a higher level, whatever, but I also have a lot of

reviews on there.

If you look my thing up, Ari Shafir,

review different hikes I've been on.

But you can go see if you want an easy hike moderate uh challenging nobody there a loop back uh out and back or a site to site um dog friendly you can go by waterfalls you can you can look for like nature nobody on it all sorts of stuff alltrails.com if you don't know if you're looking for a hike that is where you go it'll tell you about little parks in town little two-minute hikes hour-long hikes whatever whatever it is trust me go on there go to all trails it's a great site to get you out in nature and get your head clear and when you do go my recommendation for the week is to turn your phone off completely off

no you do wrong airplane mode so you can follow along because it tells you where you're going on all trails and then carry a piece keep a piece of paper in your pocket so if you have a something to remember or someone to text as your mind gets clear from being in nature and on the phone write it down at the end of the hike go to what you wrote down and then do it all there in the car.

Send all your texts then.

It's a good tip for me to you.

I'm Ari Shafir.

Thank you, Adam Rowe, for tuning in.

I'll see you guys at the Storytelling Show April 20th, 21st, 22nd in New York City.

I'm fucking excited about that.

Get your tickets now before the pre-sale is over.

Pre-sale code Ari, and then they will be sold out.

This show is gonna go fast because it's a fucking party as shit, dude.

I'm so goddamn excited.

All right.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

A lot of people say that sometimes my backdrops and my stuff is fake.

So I feel the need to tell people

that it's not fake by proving it to them.

And how can I prove it to you?

Well, there's only one way.

That's right.

I'm Ari Shapir.

Until next week with Andrew Schultz,

I don't know how to say goodbye in India.

Ew, that stinks.

What is that?

I'm out of here.

Not bad.

See you next week, everybody.

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