Afghanistan w/ Giulio Gallarotti | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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I remember when I saw you at the stand and I was like, wait, you're going where?

Have you always been like that?

Kinda, yeah.

But I was actually, I appreciated your take on it because it was like a more measured, like relaxed perspective, which I really needed at the time because it was like an onslaught of negativity.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Are you crazy?

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

Not worth it.

Blah, blah, blah.

Wait, what did I say?

You were like, yeah, dude, do it.

Where you been and where you going?

This is Aries Travel Show.

Yeah, we're going to talk about travel today.

It's you be trippin', yeah.

Hi, everybody.

Welcome to UB Trippin', an exciting new episode of a travel podcast where we, me, and a guest go all over the world.

It's the only podcast in Vladimir Putin's top five podcasts.

American, only American podcasts on Vladimir Putin's top five.

Today, his guest is a fucking well more traveled man than me,

which is nice.

Julio Gallarati.

What up, what up, what up?

Thank you for coming.

Thanks for having me, man.

Yeah, I've been trying to get you on here for a bit.

Where are we going?

So we're going to Afghanistan.

Afghanistan.

Afghanistan.

And dude, I will say this is a treat for me because I feel like more often than not, people don't care about this topic as much as I feel like they should.

And then I'm like, all right, well, you're feeling yourself, DJ.

Like, people will want to hear what they want to hear, and that's it.

So, like, when somebody really is interested and wants to take a deep dive, it's like such a treat.

Like, even when I put my stuff out, like, it's a series of me making videos, putting them out, nobody watching them, and then me being really sad, and then like saving up a bunch of money and doing it again and rinse and repeating it.

It's crazy.

I mean, yeah, I can't tell you about the making money part, but like, but like, the stuff out there, just a little clip I saw of, and I didn't even know you were doing them like that.

I just thought you were going to go.

Oh, no, I'm shooting, like, full-length things.

What are they called?

I mean, this particular part of it is called Places You Can Go.

Places You Can Go.

So, there's like a few episodes.

That's to mean like

you actually can go there.

I guess.

I guess the theme is just sort of like going to places that you just assume you wouldn't be able to go to.

I'm not suggesting that you necessarily should, depending on which place.

However, it's certainly doable and I would say lower risk than might meet the eye potentially.

I have two stories.

This like real traveler lady I met

now.

She's like an environmental activist, but I met her out somewhere and she was talking about Iran.

And I was like, you can go to Iran.

She goes, oh, like I definitely wasn't the first person to react that way.

And she goes, you're thinking of like three of the 27 regions.

Oh, interesting.

And it's like, Yeah, yeah, don't go to southside Chicago.

Right, right, right, but like near Wrigley, you're no, you're fine.

Interesting, interesting.

Um, that's cool.

And I was like, oh, and then the other question was, like, can Jews go there?

And it's like, oh, that I don't know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There is a separate travel guide for Jews.

That, yeah.

And gays, too, actually.

Yes.

The gay part is

easier to hide, obviously.

And especially in these countries, dude, people are very

touchy.

Men are very touchy-feely with each other.

It's just such an interesting interesting thing.

You see these tough guys fucking holding hands,

heavily armed, and it's a pretty interesting sight.

Wow.

Yeah, yeah.

Like Taliban dudes holding hands with each other.

What?

I'm not even kidding, dude.

Frolicking around, which I do have a video of, actually.

So these guys are.

Where'd you get this outfit?

Oh, you basically need that outfit if you're going to be over there so they fit you up and then you can buy more.

But here, these are two Taliban guys.

Wow.

Holding hands.

I mean, that is Williamsburg.

Isn't that crazy?

What?

Isn't that crazy?

Where are you

with the iron fence around?

So we are at this sports facility.

This is in Bamion, which is actually interesting.

It's where the image on the map you pulled up is.

That is a shell of this thing that used to be a...

This guy?

It is a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

There was a giant Buddha in that cocoon at one point, and the Taliban destroyed it

when they were

a little more backward than they currently are.

They're more forward now.

No, they're not forward by any means.

But this is just Taliban progress, which should not be measured the way regular progress would be made.

But

at the time they destroyed this, the sort of rationale was, you know, when we go to heaven or whatever, God will be like, you couldn't even destroy a Buddha.

Like, what the fuck are you doing?

Like, you couldn't destroy a rock thing.

I think that was sort of the official explanation at the time.

I wonder if they would still do the same thing today.

They might.

This is in no way saying that the Taliban is not.

I wonder if they're like, we're just trying to show our our like independence.

Now that we are, we're like, Yeah, we know it was just a relic.

Yeah, I mean, I, you know, they're just like learning a bit more, and

better safe than sorry, probably easily still in the top five worst governments in the world.

Uh,

and you know, and by going there, I wasn't like they're not that bad, like I feel that way still.

Okay, hold on.

What, first of all, why'd why, what was calling to you about Afghanistan?

Okay, so I

guess backstory appropriate, okay, if it, yeah, okay, So I made a video in Africa in 2018

in Rwanda.

I did like a comedy festival and whatever, did a video.

So

I do not think of comedy when I think of Rwanda.

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

So

the whole thing was interesting.

I read an article

in a political magazine saying how there was comedians.

And I was like, oh, how interesting.

So anyway,

I messaged them and they invited me and we were going back and forth.

And it was actually funny because they were suspicious of me,

which should theoretically be the other way around.

Remember that scam that was like, your uncle died in Nigeria and he left you millions of dollars.

So it's funny that, like, it was the other way around.

Long story short, I go, last second, I invite my boy who now travels with me on all these trips, and my other friend to like film and help me put a thing together.

And

I remember just being shocked at how different it was than I thought it was going to be.

So, and it might be obvious to some people, but to me, I was like, oh, like, last time I heard about this place was, you know, the Civil War, Hotel Rwanda.

Yeah.

And here we are, and I'm doing all the stuff I do in New York, and this is so interesting.

So anyway, from there, I kind of became interested in that.

And when was the Rwanda thing?

I did that in 2017.

And

it came out in 2020, I think, or maybe 2021.

I didn't know how to edit.

I didn't know how to do anything.

And I sort of, for years, tried to wrap my head around it.

Ended up putting together this eight, nine-minute thing.

Was that the first wild place you'd been, Rwanda?

No.

Well, it depends what you mean by wild.

I mean, I've been to the Middle East.

I've been to Lebanon.

Okay.

You're not.

You're just Italian.

Yeah, I'm Italian.

I had a Lebanese friend who was, who was studying abroad in Jordan.

And his parents were like, hey, he's lonely.

If we pay, would you go?

And I was like, yeah.

Hell yes.

Hell yes.

I was like 23 or 24.

So I went there for a month and then I went all around.

So anyway, I had sort of the itch to,

because you know that feeling when you're somewhere so different, how like special that is.

So anyway, I became fascinated with the idea of here's a place that people are telling me I'm going to die if I go to, and lo and behold, it could not be further from the truth.

Rwanda is like the safest place ever.

Like, you can easily go to Rwanda.

And even like people

eat, dude, it's 100 times safer than New York.

And that may not be a good thing.

It like, you know, maybe there's too much, they have too good of a grip on stuff.

Yeah, right, right.

You know, right.

And maybe don't say anything bad about the government.

But

for some reason,

they talk about that as a reason, but it's like that, that doesn't impede.

So they shit on Mayor Adams for whatever.

But when they use bring up the school system, that doesn't affect me at all.

But he said he was going to fix up the parks, and they all have a lot more flowers this year.

So from what I'm seeing, bang up jobs.

You know what I mean?

So it's like the same thing with China.

Just don't talk about the government.

I don't know anything about the government.

Right, right.

All right.

No intention of doing that.

And it isn't one of those things where they're going to be wrong.

Because that's a stressful thing if they think you're a spy or something.

Ron does not like that.

Booming tourism.

Kigali is like a metropolitan city.

There's there's dating apps, there's Uber Eats.

There's

ride sharing.

Oh, and damn, this is like 2017, bro.

This is a while ago, too.

So I was single at the time.

I was going on Tinder dates.

I was like having the time of my life.

So anyway, so fun.

And I was like, that's crazy.

I wonder if this is what it's like in general everywhere.

So from there, I started making these videos.

So I did that one.

And it's funny, I was actually going to let that one die because I finally put it together.

It sucked.

The audio sucked.

This, this, that.

I share it.

it no one's watching it i'm depressed that after i a random sunday afternoon schultz happens to see it and share it and it like did super well relatively speaking and if he had not done that we probably wouldn't be sitting here talking about this whoa which just goes to show how fickle things can be you know that's cool it lives it keeps living so anyway

i end up like pushing it to the limit here to some degree where like i went to iraq i went here i went there and it was sort of like the same story everywhere that i went yeah So I was like, I wonder if Afghanistan will be the same thing.

And while, you know, much more chill in a lot of ways than you would expect, potentially

bid off slightly more than I could chew in some capacity.

Really?

In some scenarios.

So you land at the airport.

Are you met with any instant like,

well, I'd say it's always like the smell is different or the signs are different.

Like, what do you see?

That's already like, oh.

Yeah, yeah.

So, okay, first of all, there's a bullet hole in the

thing that you get off the, whatever that thing's called.

The tarmac?

No, the gate.

Whatever.

Yeah.

It comes to push you.

Yeah, the thing that comes to the

tube, yeah.

Yeah, exactly.

The tube.

Bullet hole in the tube, which I can show you as well.

It would take me a second to find it, but I mean, it's a bullet hole.

Okay, you can just send it to me.

What's that?

You can send it to me.

I'll write these down.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I can even send you a file of the video itself because all this stuff is in the video.

So then you can easily just rip whatever you want.

Okay.

So anyway, bullet hole, like, okay, that's crazy, but whatever.

Obviously, it's cool to look on the map, see where you are.

You're like, this is nuts.

But then it depends where you are.

Like, some places are prickly, but they're developed.

You know what I mean?

In Afghanistan?

In general.

So, like, for example, Guayaquil is a place that comes to mind for Guayaquil, yeah.

And I know you, you helped me with my Ecuador trip, and I appreciate that.

But Guayaquil is like nice, but it's just like dangerous.

It's dangerous.

Like, I was driving

now.

Like, there's like a yoga studio.

There's like a sushi restaurant, but there's gangs.

So, that's like different than what this is like.

Afghanistan is just like behind.

It's traditional.

They've had war during the entire time the modern world modernized.

So, they're just behind.

So, when you get there, it's a much more lax process than it would be landing in Russia, where if there's a letter wrong in your name,

you can't enter the country.

And Afghanistan, not like that.

That happened to me in Russia, by the way.

Really?

Yeah.

Got today, And it was a pain in the ass.

But here, it's chill.

You get there, some guy helps you.

Where did you land?

Kabul?

Kabul, yeah.

Kabul.

From via Dubai, which, by the way, hilarious juxtaposition of the most modern place in the Muslim world going to the least modern place in the Muslim world in a 12-hour period of time.

Damn.

Pretty cool.

But they all break for fucking bow downs here.

Everywhere.

Yeah.

But it's not like.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, it's the most heavily concentrated Muslim population of any country on earth as percentage of the population.

Really?

99.8% or 99.7%.

Wow.

Wow.

You know what the most

Muslims total country?

Indonesia.

Boom.

Got it.

Nailed it.

India number two.

Yeah, dude.

India number two?

I believe so.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

I might be wrong about that.

But anyway, yeah, so it's cool because, so you need a visa to go here which is also a funny thing i feel like i didn't even know what a visa was until i was like 21 or 22 yeah because like you just go you want to

we go right most places you'd be going to you don't need a visa so anyway you need a visa to go here it's not that hard to get uh it seems more difficult to get than it is there's a afghan consulate in dubai that is still the same people who worked there during the old government Wow, which is really they're just stationed there and like no one called them home.

They just live there and they're not going back.

Yeah, why would you?

Yeah.

It's rich here.

Some sort of fear of retribution, maybe.

I'm not totally sure, but it's super easy and they treat you really, really well, too.

Like you landed at sort of an awkward time and my guy was like, oh, you should have let me know last time, or you should have let me know because I would have booked your hotel for you so that you could have just checked in when you arrived.

So they show up, they take your passport, and then they come back in three hours and you have your visa.

Oh, okay.

And then the flights to Kabul at the time were like pretty pretty gnarly.

The times, it was like, there was a 3 a.m.

and a 4.30 a.m.

out of Dubai to Kabul.

And you land as sort of the sun is rising over.

It's like they know, oh, damn, it's snow.

It's like they know that people are just jumping off from this place to another place.

They're like, you're going to want to land at 5 p.m.

and not at 2 a.m.

Right, right, exactly.

Yeah.

They figure it out for you.

So anyway, that makes it a whole like even more sort of.

Exhausted when you land.

You're exhausted, but you also sort of feel like you're dreaming.

It's such a...

the only now I think Fly Dubai flies there, which is a better airline than Cam Air, but Cam Air is fine.

That was sort of like the national airline.

Guys, I'm going to break in real quick to let you know a little bit about Julio.

He is, first of all, like Hall of Fame comedian travelers.

He like what he told me, I didn't realize what he was doing.

And he first told me, he's like, yeah, I'm just going, I'm going on a trip.

I'm like, where?

And he goes, Iraq.

I'm like, what?

He went to Iraq.

He called me to ask me about Ecuador since I lived there for so long and I gave him some advice.

But I thought he was like, I thought he was like a resort kind of person.

And he was like, no, not at all.

I mean, you talk about getting your hands dirty.

It's him, bro.

I mean, I'm going to have him back on this podcast like 30 times.

The guy rules.

And he's got a new, a new, I don't know if you wouldn't be called a special.

I guess it's a documentary about Afghanistan.

It's called On the Map.

It's available at his YouTube channel, youtube.com slash at not Julio.

It's J-U-L-I-O.

Definitely check it out.

His trip to Afghanistan, this whole episode is fucking wild.

I mean, he really goes for it.

And he's learned so much about like the hijab and how they don't really have to wear it.

Yeah, it's just a ton.

He rules.

He's also on the road.

You get tickets at Julio Galloradi, G-I-U-L-O-G-A-L-L-A-R-O-T-T-I

dot com slash pound shows.

It's going to be the Den in Chicago, Comedy Detection in Providence, Portsmouth, New Hampshire, Washington, D.C.

The comedy law if that place rules.

And

Charlotte, North Carolina.

Get all tickets right now.

Myself, I'm also on the road.

I've got Schaumburg, Illinois with Adrian Appalucci.

Shows added there.

Then Atlanta and Portland with Adrian.

Atlanta at the Tabernacle.

I'm fucking super stoked on that.

That's where Joe Rogan recorded one of his specials, and I've been trying to get there for my, honestly, my entire career.

So get tickets for Atlanta, Georgia, right now.

San Jose, Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, and finishing it.

That's through April, and then finishing it off with Anchorage, Alaska for my last show until 2017, 2027, excuse me.

The farewell tour for RShava.com.

Also, we are continuing to take submissions for the You Be Tripping Trip Around the Worlds, where we're sending somebody, maybe you around the world.

Send in your why you think it should be you.

You know, if you have time off, if you really want to go see things and why you want to do it my way, it's going to be off the grid a little bit.

Don't worry, I'm not going to ask that much of you.

I'm going to ask you to weigh in a little bit, like once every month or so, find a you know, a computer at a hostel and just like send us updates.

But if you want to go, either send a DM to at ubtrippin' pod on Instagram or you can email ubtrippin'podcast at gmail.com.

Caitlin here will be checking the DMs and

the messages.

However, you want to do it, guys.

She's open to anything, either video or audio of like why you have free time.

It's going to be like 10 months to a year.

So you got to have free time.

You got to say why you want to go.

And just like, I don't know why you should be the person we send.

She's going to be leafing through them, getting rid of all the chuds.

Do you have any suggestions for what they should say?

Don't be a loser influencer, we don't want that.

Yeah, no loser influencers, um, and then yeah, hey guys, it's gonna be a great time.

So, that's it.

Thank you, Caitlin, for leafing through all those, and we'll figure it out in like a couple months.

Uh, also, if you want to sign up for the Patreon to help me finish off paying for it, it's patreon.com/slash at you be tripping, and then we'll wrap up the Patreon.

Um,

yeah, that's it.

Also, send DMs if uh no, that's it.

Great, thank you.

Let's get back to the episode.

Oh, I took a break from the break.

This is telling that Julio has a special out, guys, on the map.

For Giulio Gallarati.

It's on his YouTube page, youtube.com/slash at not Julio, because everyone spells his name wrong.

N-O-T-J-U-L-I-O.

On the map.

Come see the new special from the new.

Oh, crap, I'm moving.

Oh, comedy's version of Anthony Bourdain, not Julio.

Watch it now, guys.

The new special.

It's the most exciting thing in our lives.

Legitimately, go get it right now.

There'll be a link at the bottom of this on YouTube and on Spotify and everything.

Just go support all comics.

You land, and then your guide picks you up, which I highly recommend if you intend to do this trip.

I'm not recommending it.

How much is a guide?

I think it was probably like 200 bucks per person per day.

There was 200.

Wow, that's a lot.

Which is a lot.

But they hold your hand for 24 hours.

And Afghanistan is probably the cheapest place I've ever been.

How did you find him?

I'm in this Facebook group that sort of helps pair extreme travelers with guides.

And it mostly talks about solo travel, which we were talking about this before we started recording.

Solo travel to me is overrated.

Like, I don't mind having a guide holding my hand.

I see what you desire.

Especially in a place like this.

Like, dude, if you were to do this trip by yourself,

and it might be a little different now.

I went at the end of 2022, but like, you're going to just be hanging out with the Taliban the whole day.

What do you mean?

So you'll get stopped by the Taliban if they hear you talking.

One fun fact about Afghanistan, super diverse.

So if you or I were to walk around and not talk, no one would think we weren't from Afghanistan.

Isn't that cool?

Really?

Yeah.

Because there's just different shades, dude.

Like, no, like everything.

Like, there's redheads.

Really?

Dude.

Why?

Because, like, the Russians stayed after enough years?

No, I just think it's not like, it's not an Arab country.

There's like, there's a mix of ethnicities.

So it's like Pashto.

Pashto people.

There are sort of Tajik people, Uzbek people.

Uzbek, yeah.

Khazara people.

Wow.

It's a big mix.

So there's a bunch of different people they all expect to be.

Borders were almost up against, or does it border against China?

There is one part that does the Walk-in corridor right there.

Yeah.

That's a really beautiful part of the country.

And to be honest, that was a place people would go before

because

you could sort of cross the border there and it wouldn't really be like an traditional Afghanistan experience.

Walk in National Park.

That's fucking bad.

Death.

Crazy mountains.

Wow.

Yeah.

Some of the best mountains in in the world.

Damn.

Yeah.

Sick, right?

Yeah.

You went there?

No.

Okay.

That's like that's a more expensive trip to go up there.

You could, before you could cross the land border from Tajikistan, if you did like the Pamir Highway, which is like a really fun, outdoorsy mountain trip you could take.

But I don't know that that's still a possibility.

I'm not totally sure.

Oh, right.

So, okay.

So you get there.

So this guy's taking you around.

So wait, wait, no.

Sorry.

You were going to tell me if you go alone, you're just going to be talking to the Taliban.

Yeah, you're just gonna hear what the Taliban the whole day.

What does that mean?

So, like, they're good.

If they hear you speak English, or they're like, they check your passport, they're like, Oh, you're American, and they sort of just like don't know if they're supposed to do something.

So, instead of just letting you go, they take you to the police station, and they'll be cool to you.

Like, they'll let you play with their gun, they'll give you tea, they'll be all nice and shit, but you're just gonna be there all day until they're like, I want to go walk around till their boss is like, No, let this guy go.

He's a foreigner, like, we're nice to foreigners now.

And then they're like, Listen, if anything you need, let us know.

If you want to become a Muslim, that'll make the mullahs really happy just saying you don't have to but if you want to say

just throw this out there for them here's my number if you need anything and you're like okay you know wow yeah yeah um and that's you know that's not that intimidating who's akbar it is allah

oh yeah you have they make you do the whole is that an actual thing no there is like a thing like that What do you mean?

There's like this, I forget what it's called, and I don't want to say it wrong, but there's this like thing you're supposed to say that means that you're,

you like recite a thing.

That you're cool with everybody?

No, it's like a, it's like an Islam thing.

And they tell you to say it?

You say it and they film you and it's like weird.

I didn't do that, but it's a thing that I've heard that.

Wow.

It's like a Star Spangled Banner.

They just say it when you get in here.

Sort of.

It's like sort of like a

Star Spangled Banner for Islam.

But dude, so if you know that that's a possibility before you go, and if you have a guide, it's fine.

So for the most part, that encounter is not as intimidating as it sounds, besides the initial suspicion, which very quickly turns warm.

But, you know, we did have some

prickly moments too, but I guess we can sort of get into that a little later

since you wanted it.

So you land, you meet the guide, they got to suit you up in the local clothing.

What do they do?

Take you to a store to get all that?

So they already bought you an outfit.

Okay.

Which, by the way, my guy only got me one.

I'm like, bro, I'm not wearing this for 10 straight days.

No, you'll smell like us.

It'll be great.

Exactly.

We need to go shopping for clothes.

So we did that that day.

I bought like five different outfits.

so you can't no one's there with just jeans and a t-shirt only people who are working or children wow isn't that crazy so they tell you to get that i don't even think it's the rule it was just like weird it would be like you wearing a blanket instead of clothes here when i was in chiang mai they were trying to make a a a thing to all the tourists like hey don't it's not a beach town so don't treat it like a beach town this is a walled old city and they're like you wouldn't walk around like uh new york city with no shirt on and i'm like oh actually i do that all the time i will get good weird looks but that's a bad example because i'm doing that constantly

that's funny is that on the beach what

no but the people treat it like a beach town because they're like on vacation right right right right right that's funny yeah that's sick yeah i'm gonna go there dude um Okay, so you get this outfit.

You get suited up and then you sort of just fucking hit the streets, dude.

We had a plan.

So when I go on these kind of trips, I try to make sure that they, I sort of know what's good on for the camera now at this point versus what isn't so like i want to try my best to integrate with with people as much as possible i feel like that makes for better content than just like this is where genghis khan went once this is that's a tour guy that's like that's like a lonely planet book it's not i'm not interested in it in it as much agreed agreed i'm i'm down but fun fact okay sure i don't want a fun fact but

so you're good

Okay, inevitably along the way, like interesting things will happen at all these places.

Like I've found that the museum experience in these kind of countries can be pretty unique because it's just so fucking random.

Like some random dude will like hijack you and try to chill with you the whole day and like show you every single thing in the museum.

Like it can be funny.

But in general, so I'm trying to like cook it, bro.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I try to push.

You have to push sometimes because the guides don't understand that you don't want to do like the bucket list like British person trip.

Right.

And I say British person trip because I think they are the most adventurous group of people as far as like destinations visited.

Oh, interesting.

This is like a pretty unique meal that they made me.

They cook chicken in the ground with like hot rocks.

I've seen some of this in South America too, but and they put chicken in the corner.

Cool,

yeah.

They heat it up.

It's really fucking good.

It's called huluhi.

Huluhi?

Yeah.

Wow.

This was ended up being one of the worst days of my life, actually.

This was a nice morning.

So, okay.

It's so great.

You have this great mice morning.

You're like, it's going to be pretty shitty.

So, okay, we were supposed to leave early.

This is, I guess, this is, we can just, unless you have any specific questions, I can tell you the story.

Yeah, go ahead.

Okay.

So, we are, we go over this guy, the guide's uncle's house for breakfast.

And we have this chicken that is cooked in the ground.

They tie the chicken up in silk and put it in this hot stone hole.

They bash the rocks, let it sit there for 40 minutes.

Why do they bash the rocks?

Because the heat, it like makes the heat sort of like a heat mound over it.

And then.

So, anyway, we do this and we get started late because of that.

We were driving from

here to Mazari Sharif, which is a city in the northern part of the country.

I had heard that this drive is sort of perilous.

It lived up to the hype.

And we got started so late that we ended up having to drive at night, which they say don't do in Afghanistan.

And we sort of found out why.

Yeah, why?

So let me get you there.

So

the Google Maps to where I was going to where I was going says it only takes two and a half hours because not enough people have driven the route for the Google Maps.

Dude, Google Maps sucks in not well-trodden.

It's like, it's just like in Ecuador, we're like, double.

Just double.

Double it.

And that means like, well, we're not going to make it one day.

Like, no, you're right.

So think of a place to stay.

Dude, 100%.

So this drive takes 12 hours.

What?

And it's a two and a half?

Yeah.

What?

So, and I'll show you.

I have a video of this too, which I'll show you.

But dude, so this drive sucks.

Where to where?

So, okay, you're driving from roughly, just for all intents and purposes, because I ended up starting a school while I was there, and I'm trying to hide the location.

Yeah.

What do you mean you started a school?

Yeah.

Founded a school?

Yeah.

What are they teaching?

Crushing it?

They're teaching science, math, English,

and literacy, and boys and girls, all ages, legally operating.

What?

I started a charity.

Yeah.

I know, crazy, right?

What?

Yeah, I know.

It's not.

what you're talking about.

I have a bunch of video on that too.

Oh, I see.

You don't want to get a location of it.

Yeah, so just say, for all intents and purposes, Kabul to Mazari Sharif.

Okay.

I think it should take you the similar way.

Let's see.

Mazari Sharif.

Mazar.

It'll come up.

Yeah, there it is.

Mazar-e-Sharif.

Okay.

Yeah, so that I think.

Oh, it's caught up a little now.

It knows now that you've traveled it.

Now it knows.

It's eight hours.

Still 24.

So it takes about three three or four hours to get to this Salang tunnel.

Okay.

And you have to drive past the Panchir Valley.

There's sort of like an active insurgency.

Oh.

There's some like...

Is that happening?

Is it like groups trying to overthrow each other?

Yeah, there's a little bit of it.

There's like ISIS.

There's a lot.

There's more suicide bombings in Afghanistan every year, sort of three or fourfold over everywhere else.

So that's just like not great.

It's just their way.

The Taliban have a stronghold on the country, but they are fighting ISIS and they're fighting.

But it's not like a full-on civil war, I would say.

It's more of just sort of like a simmering insurgency between them and some of the other like groups that used to be in control or whatever.

That's interesting.

ISIS and the Taliban are enemies.

Yes, very much so.

Interesting.

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Yeah, so a Taliban, the problem with the Taliban is they sort of allow some of these groups to sort of do whatever they want.

And it's uniquely the only place like that.

So that is the problem.

The Taliban don't really have imperial aspirations, but they allow some of these groups to

operate there.

Dude, I got to be honest, after meeting a lot of these guys, and maybe this isn't a good example, but like, I think that a lot of it has to do with just like naivete and like incompetence over bad intentions.

Oh my god.

What do you mean?

Like, I don't, they're just like, dude, they're like mountain fucking people.

They don't know anything.

Like, they've been hiding in the mountains for years.

Once they, they, like, took the country back over, they came down from the mountains and they were all getting into car accidents because none of them know how to drive.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Yeah.

And, dude, we'd be driving down this road, and the guide would casually be like, oh, yeah, this is a place where there'd be a Taliban sniper up there, and he was just like shooting people who drove by and killing them.

And this guy I know, he just got shot in the head.

And then they killed this other guy for no reason.

And he's like, but they have changed this ads a bit.

But it wasn't him vouching for them.

It was just him being like,

they don't do that anymore.

They're still shitty, but

they're not quite.

They're very shitty still, but they're not as bad.

So anyway, from where we were to this tunnel, it's probably four or five hours.

And this drive is the scariest drive I've ever been on.

The Salang tunnel, I want to say it's like 10, it's like 10,000 feet in the air or something.

It is six miles long.

There's a six-mile-long tunnel?

Yep, it's it's one of the highest mountain tunnels in the world.

If you look up Sally Tunnels, you just look at it looks like a hellhole.

I'll show you the video.

I have a video of it.

Oh, yeah, show me the video.

No ventilation, and cars just break down it.

You could fucking die if the Soviets built this tunnel.

So I'll pull up this video.

Sounding tunnel.

Whoa, the Soviets built it.

Bro, it is a discariest thing yeah.

It's so cool.

They can build a fucking tunnel through a mountain.

And that road is so shit.

Like, it's so bumpy and bouncy and terrible.

And like.

In it.

Like, getting there, getting out of it, in it, it is like nightmare fuel.

And I think now that the dust has settled, one of the scariest, like the way back it wasn't, it was fine because there was no traffic.

But on the way there,

we got stuck in a fuck ton of traffic and it was really scary.

Here we go.

Treacherous.

Oh my god, these are cool videos, man.

Thanks, dude.

That's how long tunnel halfway through there.

Dude.

It's from one region to another.

Look how scary that is.

Oh, my God.

There's no lights in there.

That car's broken down.

What?

In one lane of direction under a mountain.

Through, like, not under a mountain.

You're, dude, you're 10,000 feet in the air.

You're like high elevation.

Scary shit.

The way back, there was no traffic, but on the way there, we were stuck in in there for 20 minutes.

And there are these giant coal trucks that are going back and forth in Pakistan.

Oh, my God.

That are disgusting.

And they jingle.

It's almost like, dude, full-on nightmare fuel.

Wow.

And then you get out.

You're like, finally.

Yeah, super fucked up, man.

So anyway.

How much is food there?

How much are you spending a day on food?

Oh, my God.

Dude, you can eat an awesome meal for five people.

Everybody drinks soda and shit.

There's no alcohol, obviously, but like ordering sodas, four entrees for everybody.

It'll be like eight total dollars.

What?

Yes.

Pack of cigarettes, 10 cents.

What?

Everybody drinks energy drinks there, which is pretty funny, including like you'll see a good five-year-old drinking a Red Bull.

Jesus Christ.

Why don't you ask them here?

Oh, really?

They're kind of like a lot of them are like knockoff, but yeah, you'll see it.

It's got a bull on it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The ex-bull.

And it's, it's Chicago.

Yeah, it's a a Chicago Bulls Bowl.

What are you smoking?

Smoking a cig.

Just like a long, thin cigarette, 10 cents a pack.

Do people offer you cigarettes there?

No, I think smoking is sort of like slightly frowned upon.

The Taliban don't like vice stuff.

So like they tried to sort of make all the opium addicts, like they sent them all to rehab when they took over.

They don't like smoking.

If you ask for a drink, people look at you like you're fucking insane.

No drinks.

No drinking.

You know Yoshi?

No.

I got got to get him on.

He'll be the only other one that'll do Afghanistan.

He went to Kabul when it was a

who are those people that worked for the U.S.

government?

Oh, like defense contractors?

Yeah, contractor town.

And so the front lines was like 10 miles past, so they were safe there.

And then when they left, they're like, guys, it's time to get out of here.

So that city doesn't exist anymore.

But he was like, can I bring anything?

They're like, Jack Daniels, bring us two bottles of Jack Daniels, and we can have a bar for a month.

That's sick.

And then super watered-down mixtures, no straight shots.

That's sick.

Yeah.

that's sick.

So, yeah.

So, wait, so you can eat like a fucking king?

Oh, yeah.

What was the food?

It was good.

It was sort of like a combination.

It was like a mixture of like what you think Indian food would be like and sort of like Middle Eastern food.

Okay.

Good bread.

It's a little rustic.

You know, like the chickens will have bones in it that you didn't know were in chickens because you're used to eating fucking GMO chickens, you know.

Yeah.

But overall, the food's pretty good.

South Asia is like a pretty big hotbed for food poisoning.

So I was like really cautious.

I ended up getting sick anyway, but like cautious of what?

Food poisoning.

All of it.

So I just didn't eat a lot and I ate slow and I was fine while I was there.

And then when I got back to Dubai, I got really sick and I was sick on the plane, which sucks.

Oh, shit.

You can't go anywhere.

It's the vegetables they always tell you to be careful of.

I was on the flight when it hit me, though.

Whoa.

Laying in the bathroom shirtless in the floor of the bathroom.

Shirtless.

On the plane.

Why shirtless?

Because I don't know.

It just makes me feel better.

Yes, sir.

You need the air.

You can't question it.

During food poisoning, you can't question your your motives.

Don't care.

You don't want to get it on you.

I don't know, whatever it is.

Yeah, dude.

So anyway, we get out of this tunnel.

Sir, do you need help?

Yes, desperately, but you can't give it to me.

Dude, also.

Some stewardess.

Get the fuck away from me.

They were not very nice.

They're like, go to the bathroom in the front of the plane so you don't disrupt the other passengers.

I was like, oh, my gosh.

I'm dying, bro.

It was Emirates flight, too.

I was like, I thought you were.

Oh, really?

Nicaragua, yeah.

They're hot.

Well, anyway, the so we get out of the tunnel.

We're fine.

I'm feeling pretty good.

And we still have quite a bit of driving.

We get on some solid road.

It starts to get dark.

We get stopped by the Taliban.

Now, usually when you get stopped by the Taliban, it's fine.

Like during the day, they just look around.

They don't suspect that anybody in the car is a foreigner.

They just let you keep going.

If they find out you're a foreigner,

they don't believe it at first.

Then they find out...

Why?

Because not a lot are in that region.

There's never a foreigner, ever.

And so, did your guide be like, hey, just be quiet.

I'm going to do the talking?

Yeah.

But if they asked him straight up, these guys are foreigners, he'd be like, yes.

Yeah, he'd be like, they're American.

And and they'd be like, No way, and he'd be like, Yeah, and they'd be like, Show me a passport, and then he'd show the passport.

And dude, I swear to God, a lot of times, there'd be like a 16-year-old kid, and they look at the passport, and they're just like,

Like, they're so happy, they can't believe there's an American, and they're like, Oh, they think that that means that they're like doing a good job.

So then they're like, We got to take a selfie.

So then you take a selfie with them, and then they're like, Anything you need, let us know.

Like, they're so excited.

But also, like, how am I going to call in that favor?

Oh, yeah, dude.

You know what?

What's your name?

Yeah.

Okay.

I'll call you.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll give you a call.

Don't you know I need a good chicken spot and fucking this next town?

Exactly.

So that's usually just what would happen.

So it ended up being fine, and it wasn't even that like scary.

They were happy to see you.

You were American.

They were excited.

It was like, what the fuck?

Yeah.

Once they rule out that you're not a soldier, which is ridiculous that they even need to do that.

But the fact that you go through that every time is not the best, to be honest.

You're just sort of like, hopefully, this will be fine.

Like it always has been.

We get stopped at night at this one particular.

Yeah, was there any worry of like, well, an American killed my dad, and I've always wanted to meet one of you motherfuckers.

Do you want to know why?

No, because they are able to be like, oh, you're not, you didn't literally kill my dad.

You're just some random guy.

We can't do that.

Which I know.

I've always been impressed by that.

And that's typically what I've gotten traveling in these sort of places.

And Vietnam was like that about America.

They hate America.

Like, no, they hate China.

Like, China helped them then.

But now they're like trying to encroach.

Right, right.

Like, no American is bothering them currently.

Right, right, right.

I appreciate the pragmatism there.

So, anyway, we get stopped.

They make us get out of the car, which is normal, but then they're like sit on the side of the road with us and have dinner.

And we're like, okay, we hadn't really had to do that.

You can't say no.

No, you can't say no.

And, dude, six or seven guys so heavily armed.

I was too afraid to film this part, but I made a cartoon that's kind of long, so I'm not going to show it to you here, but I'll send it to you later if you're interested.

But

then they had, dude, they had a giant container, a Gatorade container full of beans.

That's a Gatorade on it.

Full of beans?

Yes.

The one you like pour on the coach.

And then they're like, sorry, we only have beans.

And I was like, it's fine, dude.

Like, all good.

And they're feeding us beans.

And

then we're talking, we're talking, blah, blah, blah.

They're asking us all the same questions.

They're like,

what do you think about the Taliban?

And I have to lie.

You know what I mean?

I'm like, I think they're great.

Like, it's just insane.

And then they're like, wow, it's so cool.

Then they're like, you need to meet the commander.

And we're like, okay, great.

Like, where is he?

They're like, he's like over there.

This is nighttime.

So this does not happen during the day?

Pitch dark.

Anyway, go ahead.

No, no.

So this, something like this wouldn't happen during the day.

They kind of hang around, bro, almost like a gang.

You know how like a gang will like hang out at night?

They just sit there and don't do anything until

there's gang activity to be had.

This is sort of how they operate too.

And they are not a gang, by the way.

They basically are a gang.

So anyway.

So we're sitting there and then they're like you have to go meet the commander.

The commander is not close.

So they send their guy with us in our car.

And they follow us.

And we drive to the commander.

This is an hour drive out of the way.

It's nighttime already.

So we're just, and this guy has a fucking gun.

So this sucks.

This whole thing is scary already, right?

We get out of the car.

We're at this like compound, Taliban compound.

And we walk in.

The commander, welcome, blah, blah, blah.

He has his deputy who speaks English, who's super nice.

This guy's sort of nice, but he's sort of being like the alpha dog.

You have no choice but sit there and listen to him.

The guide is showing him videos of my stand-up.

Really?

He's like, look, he's a comedian.

The guy has no idea what he's looking at.

He's like, oh,

English?

Not really?

That guy didn't speak English, just the deputy.

Wow.

So we're sitting there for a long time.

And eventually, the dude who searched us in the parking lot comes in with my suitcase and throws it on the ground.

And he's like, we're going to search you.

And I was like, oh, I thought we were friends.

He's like, we are.

That's why you're going to search yourself.

That's why what?

That's why you're going to search yourself.

So, by the way, and I know like

people listening to this story are probably like, good, this is what you get.

Like, fair, I didn't want this to happen.

I wasn't searching for this sort of thing.

This is not a thing.

Oh, yeah.

It's like when they say, like, some like real celebrity, they're like, that's what you get.

You get, like, you're trying to break up with your wife, and some waiter is going to come for your picture.

Like, that's not what they wanted.

Right.

This is not what I intended.

So

I'm showing them every single thing in my bag.

So I'm like, this is a sock.

This is underwear.

Like, literally.

Man, dude, I go in my toiletry bag.

I'm like, these are Tums.

The commander's like, what's that?

I'm like, you know, like indigestion.

The guy can't translate the word indigestion.

So I'm like, you know, like, I'm doing.

They don't have that.

And he's like, oh.

So I'm like, I give him tums and he eats them.

He's like, oh, these are, I'm like, they're pretty good, right, dude?

Tum smoothies, the good shit.

He's eating them.

He's loving it.

So they don't find anything.

We go in the parking lot and we're just standing in the dark in the driveway.

Which at this point, I'm like, this is closer to some of the scenarios that are really not that fun to think about

than I would like like to be.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just a couple, I'm a few, even if I'm 10 steps away, I'd rather be 100 steps away.

I'm fine probably right now, but like this is not fun.

But also, like, at this point, you're not really in control.

Yes, and the guide isn't either,

which was scary.

They're in control.

The guide did not want this to be happening.

And he was acting like it was fine.

And like, after we left, he was like, I'm so sorry.

And, like, he wasn't giving off that vibe while we were there, which made it even scarier.

I was like, oh, fuck.

Like, you had no control over this situation.

So we went to Canada.

We were doing a bus tour and our last stop was Toronto.

And we're like, hey, let's Clorox everything.

Let's do whatever.

Let's make sure the drugs are gone.

Even the weed, but definitely the Coke.

Definitely, definitely.

And then they're like, the bus driver's like, they should just generally just kind of take a look at our passports and leave.

They might step on, but that's it.

And then this time they're like, oh, they're kind of going through the bus.

They're asking us to open it up.

And the bus driver's like, this usually doesn't happen.

He's like, you guys got rid of everything, right?

And I was like, yeah.

And then Colin was like, I mean, I put it on my bed.

I put it under the pillow.

And like, no, Colin, what the fuck, man?

It should be fine.

What are you doing?

So then it's like at that point, it's nothing like this.

It's out of control.

And we just would be refused entry.

And you hear this story about like a tour bus all the time.

All the time, yeah.

The amount of people who get taken down because of their tour bus.

Right.

It's a high number.

So you're like, fuck.

But yeah,

out of your control.

Out of my control.

Now we.

But also, there's no chance of us getting lined up and shot.

Right.

Before it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, wait, wait, wait, we can talk.

We can talk.

It's like, no, no, we're taking care of it now.

Yes.

So, damn.

And in my head, I'm like, okay, I know that that's not happening now.

But you always sort of worry about the chain of command there because there is a chance that you run into a guy who like didn't get the memo yet.

Or you look the wrong guy in the eye.

You're like, why did you?

I don't know the customs.

You don't know what's up.

This is only a year after they had taken over.

So there's a chance that the message, the messaging had not gotten there, bro.

This is like a very traditional place.

Like,

you wouldn't, like, it's not shocking to think that a guy might not get the memo for a while.

So, you're kind of like, eh, this kind of sucks.

And these guys, picture the scariest Taliban guy you can picture.

This is who we're talking about here.

Yeah.

Most of them would be nice, whatever.

But now we're in the driveway.

In the house, it was nice.

We're drinking tea, but there's like the walls.

Imagine this room, but just the walls lined with giant guns, bro.

Including like the gun from Heat, the like Val Kilmer double-handle, like

artillery, bro.

Those American weapons?

I'm not totally sure.

I think it was a comp, there's probably Kalashnikovs.

It's probably a combo of everything.

And then they finally find an envelope of money.

And I'm like, oh, this is like what was happening.

So I tried to be clever.

I spread my money out just in case so that they couldn't take it all.

But that ended up working against me because the envelope that was in my iPad, they don't know about an iPad.

So they didn't know to open the case.

So the envelope, they never, they go, okay, I'm like, this is an iPad.

They're like, all right.

They never would have found that.

They end up finding the envelope that has the most money in it, too.

Ah, fuck.

And you need a lot of money when you visit Afghanistan.

You can't take money out of the bank, obviously.

And they only exchange new issue hundreds.

And if they aren't perfectly crisp, you get a worse exchange rate.

Wow.

Which is interesting, right?

They do that in a lot of places.

Yeah, crazy.

Sometimes they just go, no.

You're like, what do you mean, no?

You're not talking about it.

What are you talking about?

Nope.

Sorry.

Good luck with that.

So, anyway, they find the money, they count all of it, and the guy has his boy

record him counting it.

And then when he's done counting, he hands it back to me, turns off the camera.

He's like, I just didn't want you to be able to tell anybody that I took money from you.

I'm like, okay, that's nice, I guess.

Wait, I didn't want you to tell anyone that I took money from you.

I didn't want you to be able to.

Here's your money back.

Oh, but he's about to steal it.

Well, counts it all, hands it back to me, and goes,

I didn't want you to be able to tell anybody we took money for you.

Then he goes, but what about a donation?

However, I am taking money from you.

I'm like, very clever.

So then I'm like, oh, this sucks.

Like, all this money is about to be gone.

Shakedown.

Yeah.

Shakedown.

Shakedown.

Are you thinking, like, how much can I keep?

I'm thinking he's taking it all.

Yeah.

And you're not in control.

The school plan had just sort of popped up earlier that day.

So a lot of this money was supposed to go to starting the school.

Now they take the money.

There's no school problem.

What?

So I'm like, fuck.

Then, dude, this is the funniest part.

He goes, I'm like, how much does he want?

It was $5,000.

He goes, $5,000?

$5,000.

Well, that's going to be a life changer for him.

He goes, $100?

I was like, are you serious?

He's like, yeah, just $100.

And I was like,

yes, absolutely.

Like, yeah, there you go.

And then he goes, no, no, no, no, no, don't give it to me.

Give it to him.

And I give it to the guy.

Everybody in the driveway is looking down at the ground because they're all embarrassed, bro.

Why?

Because you're not supposed to do this, which is why he didn't take it.

He asked for it.

And there's all these things you're not supposed to do.

He's not supposed to be doing this.

And they all felt like, this is shitty.

They're like, this is shitty.

If this guy's boss found out, he'd be in trouble.

At the time,

you can't process all this.

You're just happy.

Also, for $100, you're not going to be like, no, no, you don't get this.

Oh, dude.

Fine.

Call him.

Call the general.

Wake him up.

And I was told later that if I had said no,

that it would have been fine.

I'm like, bro.

Now are you going to know?

What the fuck are you talking about?

So anyway, I give the guy 100 bucks, no problem.

He gives it to the other guy.

The deputy guy apologizes to us.

And they're like, we're so sorry.

And nobody looked me in the eye.

And then we left.

It was the fucking weirdest thing in the world, dude.

Next day, school gets started.

I was joking.

I'm like, in this hilarious plot twist, our secular progressive school in Afghanistan would not have been possible without the generosity of the Taliban.

You're like, however, we are short of $100, so there will be no pencils this year.

Correct.

Correct.

Wait, that was the pencil.

No wood for the wood stove this year.

Wow.

So, dude, after that, I was like, that sucked.

I want to go home.

You were soured.

I was just like, was just, that was just shitty.

And the further away I get from it, like, the less scary it sounds and feels to me.

I don't know how it feels to everybody listening, but like, it was super scary in the moment.

And dude, we had to do that drive back.

There's only one way to get back.

So we have to pass that checkpoint again.

We have to drive through the tunnel again.

And now we're just chilling in Mazari Sharif for two days.

We go to this Blue Mosque, which is this UNESCO heritage site.

Wow.

But I'm just thinking about the looming prospect of this drive.

I'm like, just get me back to the village where we're starting the school.

I felt safe there.

Like, I just want to go back and then I want to go home.

Blue Mosque.

It's beautiful.

They made the point that since.

This one?

No, no, no, no.

I think that's.

This looks like turkey.

Maybe.

Yeah, yeah.

Look up Blue Mosque Mazar.

It was kind of

not looking its best because the.

Yeah, this is it.

Wow.

Since there was so many sanctions and stuff, it was just like dirty.

It didn't look as nice as that, but it was cool.

Oh, it's a real pigeon.

I thought that was

the statue.

Yeah.

Was it hot there?

Mazar is hot.

Yeah.

Because it's low altitude.

Kabul is not.

Kabul is like 8,000.

I think Kabul is maybe 6,500 feet, I want to say.

So

it's like Arizona weather if you're at high altitude.

Oh, right.

If you're in northern Arizona, it's like hot in the day, cool at night.

Dusty, dry.

Cool.

Yeah, it was sick.

But anyway, just scared of this drive home the whole time.

Damn.

Yeah.

So.

How many days were you there for?

In Afghanistan?

I think, I want to say eight or eight nights.

Do you, when you're filming this stuff, does any part of you go, hey, let's put this away, experience it for a little bit?

And then once we figure out what to film, then we'll pull the shit out.

Or are you just like, as you go, going, like, get this, get this, get this?

I'm in a constant state of attempting to balance the two things.

Yeah.

Because I know you're filming something for a thing, but everyone has the same problem.

You're filming stuff for your friends back home.

Well, everyone has this problem of like, how much memories do I make?

How many pictures do I take?

Right.

And so it's interesting because I'm wearing a lot of hats.

I'm sort of, I'm trying to construct this story where there is no story.

And I don't want to plan it too much because I don't want to ruin the experience.

So I'm like, I'm going to sort of allow the story to unfold.

If we get nothing, no one's going to fucking watch this.

I mean, dude, like, I put this out as a five-part series, and it got

very, very few people watch it.

What's it called?

Where is it?

It's called Places You Can Go Afghanistan.

I re-released it on my channel, and a couple weeks ago, it has like 7,000 views.

But the original one did okay.

But

let's see what pops up.

Places You can go Afghanistan.

Oh, that's great.

Nice SEO.

Just put Julio, yeah.

Yeah.

So this is the series, but there's like a curiosity.

There's the full, like, uh.

What a fucking good site for a goddamn intro.

Yeah, dude.

Look how gorgeous that is.

How pretty was it all there?

It was fucking gorgeous, bro.

So, anyway, yeah, I'll send you the link of the full video because I want that one to sort of pop off.

But this is like...

What city is this?

This is Dubai.

Oh, interesting.

This is before we left.

And this sort of ends with the school thing, actually, which it might be a good thing to go to, theoretically, if we're going to talk about that next.

So, yeah, so the idea for the school came from this.

We visited visited a school that's in a cave, yeah, uh,

and

it was so

it was hard to hear these kids be like, We want to be a doctor when we grow up, and it's like, You're not gonna be able to do that, bro.

Like, look at this girl, bro.

This girl could be a model.

Why'd you bleep her out?

She ended up fleeing the country.

They told me anything.

Yeah, asked me these really profound questions on the spot.

I wish that I had prepared for these.

Like, these are, I want want to give good answers to these, you know?

So I hope I really ask you.

They're like, what, uh, what do you have advice for us?

Uh,

you know, where would you like to go?

I forget, I forget exactly, but like shit like that.

Like, just like really thoughtful questions.

And I think maybe they are used to this.

I'm sure they have visitors and people who donate and stuff.

So I go to this school.

It feels kind of heavy.

But also, you don't want to be condescending.

Like, right, right.

Just because it seems like you're, oh, they must have it so tough.

That is worse than just treating them the same as people you know.

Imagine somebody coming to, like, I mean, this happens in New York all the time, actually.

Your friends come to visit you.

You're in the nicest apartment you've ever been in, and they're like, ugh.

Yeah, exactly.

Where's the kitchen?

You just walk through that kitchen.

That's not an actual room.

You're like, come on, man.

How much do you pay?

I was happy about myself.

Yeah, exactly.

Dude, totally.

But here, I mean, dude, like, right as we had kind of gotten there, they had made this rule about the girls can't go to school past a certain age and all this shit.

Really?

Yeah, which is just so fucked up.

And they think that it's like chivalrous.

They're like, we love women.

Like, that's why we don't want them to have to do anything.

Oh, interesting.

Well, guys, this is backward.

I'm sorry.

So, anyway, we have this whole experience, and it was so nice.

And a guy I know had given me some money to sort of hand out to people, which is just sort of a more difficult thing to do than it sounds.

Because if you give money to someone, everyone's going to want money.

So you need to be kind of careful how you give it, where you give it, whatever.

And I find out how much these teachers make.

And it's not a lot.

It's like $100 a month.

And it's like a good, it's like a decent wage.

And I was was like, oh shit.

Like,

do you know any teachers?

And the guy's like, yeah.

And I was like, is there places for the kids here to go to school?

And he's like, not really.

And also the parents don't care.

So they don't think to send it.

But if we were to go and be like, hey, you should send the kids, they would.

And I was like, okay.

And I was like, is there a place that we could do it?

And they're like, yeah, you could just do it here.

There's no red tape in Afghanistan.

You just go use this school building.

And they're like, well, just what?

Just use this as you could just use the school building that's already there.

We've since rebuilt it.

And now all the visitors who visit my guide donate to it.

So it's become this nice thing where I'm also paying the salaries of all the teachers.

How much does it cost to keep a school going?

So it's $100 per teacher.

Per what month?

Per month.

We have five teachers.

I pay this guy.

Or no, it's six teachers.

We hired another teacher for this school because that lady left.

So we hired first woman for this.

And then we pay the guide a sort of admin fee for bringing the money.

These little girls got adult face.

I know, dude.

Look how cute these kids are.

So anyway, it's a bummer.

And also.

You're going to go to fucking school?

Dude, you go to a place and you think that you're like, oh, they're used to this.

They're like from there.

They're used to it, which is wrong.

Nobody is used to this.

So anyway.

Oh, they're not used to it.

No, bro.

Like, they want to go to school.

And they have like a nice attitude about it.

But like with the proper infrastructure and the proper governance or whatever, all people theoretically have a good shot, which is why it's such a bummer that most of the world lives in fucking corrupt under corrupt governments.

So anyway, we end up starting it, but dude, look at this.

This is so nice.

It really ended up coming together.

I had this like really nice meeting where we met all the guys and we.

Which guys?

So we interviewed all the teachers.

There's male and female teachers.

Is that totally allowed?

Female teachers?

Yeah.

Okay.

Male teachers are allowed.

The woman thing is like you can have jobs like that, like teacher, doctor.

If you just travel between provinces, you need a chaperone, which is ridiculous.

Somebody told me in Syria that they got, you know, similar, not the same, but they get real weird if like if like you and just like your other hostel friend is like going to hang out in your place.

You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't do that.

You're not married.

What are you doing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so girlfriends, traveling, girlfriends, and boyfriends are like, what do you mean you're not married?

Why are you in a room together?

Syria is a modern country, too.

That's the thing that's weird about that.

Wow.

Iraq was like that, too.

My guides were like, yeah, we had to get married because it was weird that we were sneaking off to Kurdistan to spend the night, the weekend together in a hotel.

So anyway, and I don't want this to seem too virtually.

Actually, yeah, fuck it.

I don't want this to seem too virtue signal-y.

To what?

Just like...

We're trying to get pressed for the school and stuff.

Well, that's okay.

That's kind of cool.

I'll just pull it up.

But anyway, it ended up being like a really nice...

So we meet with these teachers, we hire them.

I spend the whole day with these guys.

It was super fun.

And we're discussing.

All the money you're sending to the school, you could be spending on YouTube Premium.

Right.

Okay, so let's go here to the end.

So we have this full day with these guys.

We discuss how it's going to work.

We discuss who's going to be who.

We sit and we have this whole like tribunal, basically.

It felt like some Game of Thrones.

Always tea, huh?

Yeah, always tea.

Always with the T.

Always tea.

And always on like a blanket.

How was the tea?

Great.

Yeah, really good, actually.

And this is in the middle of like an apple field, and like apples grow.

The apples that you'd like eat at the store grow naturally there.

Wow.

And are delicious.

And anyway, so at the end here,

like within a couple weeks, this is what ends up happening with the school, which is super fucking sick.

And it's nice when we get these up.

You have to start a school.

Dude, the thing is, I've never done this anymore before.

I have no charity background.

And what it showed me is just like, with ever so slight amount of effort it's not that hard to do some shit like this so this is like the the sort of final product here of the school and it ended up being like such a great thing

these are all the kids oh my god they're like being lined up to get shot okay now they're clapping it's the yard looks clapping yeah it's seen some stuff right

it's just like a nice whoa these cute kids bro It's very rewarding.

So now they're all in a fucking school in some small town.

Yeah.

And I think there was another school.

Like, you know what I mean?

It's just like adding to the existing infrastructure.

People on the right, bro, those are housewives who go to the school.

They're not supposed to.

They're just

learning how to read.

Wow.

And so the no red tapes, you can just be like, start it.

There's like there.

Just do whatever you want.

So we had to get a permit

from the

we had to get a permit from the.

Can they pronounce your name?

Yeah, Mista Julio.

They can say the ju?

Yeah.

They taught them how to do it.

This is there.

Mr.

Julio.

Doing their little lessons.

So anyway,

really nice, really nice thing.

Wow.

Wow.

And yeah, man, I'm very proud of it.

It's been.

How long did it take you to get that together?

So.

I mean, you were only there for

a couple weeks.

It was quick.

So anyway, like, you know, it almost sounds too good to be true, right?

So it's like, all right, accountability, this and that.

Like, they still are sending videos.

It's the same people in all the videos.

Like, there's no reason for me to think that it's not going well.

And I had a neutral third party visit the school recently.

Okay.

He listens to my pod, who like does my itineraries.

Yeah.

He went.

He's like, dude, it looks like it's going pretty, pretty fucking well.

Wow.

That's sick.

So anyway,

it wasn't that hard, dude.

We just like picked the people and then I was going back and forth with the guy.

Now, the thing that was hard, we had a legal thing, like a legal corporate lab look over all of our stuff to make sure we weren't violating any international laws and stuff.

Who chose the curriculum?

We did.

We We sat and we talked at this sort of lunch.

And did they tell you, like, oh, you actually can't.

No, that book won't never go.

You can't do that here.

So it wasn't as specific as the book itself.

It was just sort of like broadly what would be taught and that it wouldn't be a religious school.

And they said they're okay, that's fine.

Yeah, they're like, no, the kids need to learn how to fucking read and shit.

Read and read and do whatever.

If they're going to have any hope of doing anything, they need to have a decent school.

Wow.

Yeah, I mean, correct.

Right?

Yeah.

But

again, like for that like pre-preconceived notions idea, it doesn't go with that.

The preconceived notion is like, no, no, no one can be educated.

Right.

But that doesn't make sense.

So like, what do you mean we're going to be a country?

We need like dams built.

We need to know some math.

No, dude, totally, totally.

And I think that that's part of why it's fine.

We,

I forget.

Like, so yeah, we have a permit, official permit.

And the Taliban are different in the different areas, too.

So in this particular area, some of the people who we knew knew the Taliban people, blah, blah, blah, made it easier to get all this stuff off the ground.

And as long as the money is being sent to non-sanctioned individuals,

it's no problem.

Damn.

So we background checked everybody who worked there.

We background checked the guide.

We background checked blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Anyway, so still going, man.

And we raised a good amount of money just from a couple Instagram stories.

Yeah, and I linked up with a couple people who've been helping.

And

it's been sort of like I wouldn't call it a lot of work, but there is responsibility.

Like, I need to send the money to them.

Like, I actually need to send it to the guy today.

So, I like it.

It's interesting how you're right.

They do look different.

They looked white, looked Asian.

Yeah, I have that video too, which is like we took like

how fuck old is this kid?

I know.

This kid's a fucking 20-ass kid.

Dude, you'd see a kid like that ripping a Red Bull.

Really?

Yeah, bro.

Wow.

Was there like,

wow.

And the food was just like Middle East with a lot of bread?

A lot of good bread, a lot of rice, chicken, lamb.

Lamb, dude.

Dude, and some of the nature was super sick, too.

Like, aside from all this kind of stuff, like, beautiful nature.

Also, I got pretty baked one day.

This one dude got me super high.

Was it hash?

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

Hash is legal there?

Like, it's not illegal, but I think, like, hashish, do they call it?

I guess, yeah.

It's fine.

Yeah, you can smoke it.

And this dude's, this one dude was kind of a burnout.

And he got in the super base.

Like, in my country, you rule.

Yeah, right, exactly.

And he's like, this stuff's super strong.

And I just got, like, super high and paranoid.

I was like, this was a mistake.

Oh.

But yeah, and then we went to this, like, one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life, like, this giant sort of like crater lake.

Yeah.

That's just like, it's called Bandia Mir.

Do you have pictures of that?

I do, yeah.

Oh.

yeah.

Especially in a smoking sesh with this dude right into the

look at that.

Look at that.

Environment got super high.

You fucked up there.

Dude, blazed.

Because, you know, I'm leaning into it.

I don't, you know, I normally would not be smoking like that in the middle of the day.

But also, if somebody offers you something, don't you feel kind of like I have to?

Yeah.

Unless it's going to like fuck you up.

Yeah.

When I was in Egypt and I was waiting for a bus somewhere and

I'm just kind of like waiting and the guy, the bus driver guy sees me and he's just like cigarette And I was not smoking at the time.

And I was like, yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

I can't be like, nah, dude, I don't want to get hooked again.

Absolutely.

Went in Egypt, bro.

Fucking smoke a heater.

Smoking a fucking.

Yeah, so this is like, I took this from like a music video that's about it, but there's like actual footage coming.

Look at that, darling.

Damn.

How long was the hike to get up there?

Wow.

Not too great.

We pretty much like drove up.

Crater Lake.

Yeah, I think sick, right?

I don't know why it's so slow with the whatever.

And no one ever, you were never like, besides that checkpoint, never got like robbed, pickpocketed, anything like that?

No, never, bro.

That kind of shit doesn't happen.

Seinfeld's in this?

That kind of shit doesn't happen in these places.

It does not.

No.

That's, dude, to me.

Yeah, it's like the, I guess the good thing about religious fanaticism is like religion's gonna run it.

Oh, yeah.

Nobody's gonna steal from you.

Everyone's gonna invite you over.

So there's the political component where the worst case scenario of that is worse than getting your iPhone stolen, but you will get your iPhone stolen if you're walking around keto with baggy pants.

That shit will never happen to you here.

Maybe in Kabul, maybe, but like...

Right, no one's gonna look at you word for holding hands with a girl in keto,

but they're gonna steal your iPad.

Correct.

Right.

And here, like,

yeah, bro, you don't have to worry.

People are super nice and they're super innocent.

You don't have to worry about that kind of shit in general.

I find, you know, in a lot of the Middle East, so you want to say what you felt about

the head coverings?

Oh, yeah.

That was really interesting.

That was cool for sure.

Yeah, it was interesting because the rule is that you have to wear a head cover, and there's like all these fully covered.

We've all heard that.

Yeah.

And there's signs.

You cover up head to toe with a big fucking knapsack.

Yep.

Which is really, it's jarring to see it when you see it a lot.

But, dude, in the city, and depending on where you were, not everybody was doing it.

And you'd see these women walking right past.

the Taliban, face open, nothing.

So a lot of it's like rhetorical.

Like they say that, but then they don't enforce it because they're like, women are like, we're not wearing a fucking face covering.

And they're like, okay,

what are we going to do?

Wow.

We'll let you have this one

in good faith since we're trying to be the government now and get people to like us.

So they're just like, it's cool.

It's the big city.

Yeah.

And this is, dude, the people of Afghanistan are scared of the Taliban, too.

So when they

first became the government, people were like really freaked out because they weren't sure what was going to happen.

Yeah, how bad are they going to be?

But like, you know aside from the obvious things like the it's so poor there because of all the sanctions and all the lack of access to blah blah blah blah blah

so all that shit um

but yeah like as far as stuff like that like they are not as bad as people thought

but still are the taliban are still bad still bad yeah but they wouldn't make them cover up in the big city that's so interesting did you want me to play that yeah they were just chill with with it.

Yeah, dude.

They're just like, yeah, the Taliban are just kind of like, all right, I guess.

I mean, I guess

it's so hard to like.

I saw this guy in Montreal once, religious Jewish.

I wouldn't say rabbi, but certainly could pass.

Orthodox.

Letting out from his car a big, fat, black hooker.

And it's just like, what?

And you're like, yeah, not everyone's a good anything.

Totally.

Everyone's like, I've heard about this in Brooklyn, too.

Oh, yeah.

They love black, they love black hookers.

And

it's like, well, yeah, they're not doing it right.

Or like, I don't know.

I'm not that fanatic.

Dude, totally.

Still got to get a black hooker once in a while.

Not a lot of black chicks in the Orthodox Jewish community.

Everybody's human, bro.

So this is just you seeing the.

Anyway, this is just sort of like, I'm trying to repurpose all this stuff to try to get people to watch it.

So I'm just kind of like picking whatever.

But yeah, this is interesting.

So there's all these signs like that.

A lot of women not covered.

The women are just not covered.

Dude, you got a bunch of of outfits.

Yeah, yeah.

I got like.

You still have these?

I do, yeah.

Nice.

And when I first got back, bro, I'd throw them on.

They're super comfortable.

Really?

Yeah.

Wait, do you not wear underwear?

Does it just free flow?

No, you do.

And, dude, it's super fucking comfortable.

Yeah, like when I was back, I would like get hammered on my couch and like throw this on.

I like the top of that yarmulke looks like a mosque.

It's sick.

Like the front?

Yeah.

The way it goes up.

Like ornament.

Yeah, that's true.

Consistency with the design.

Good for the ladies.

Wow.

So they don't don't make it.

Yeah, look, that's nothing, nothing.

Ton of chicks not wearing it.

Calling them chicks, dude.

But yeah, like.

She's not bad.

Dude, it's.

I mean, yeah, she may as well be wearing a covering.

Oh,

just a lot of tooth gone.

Depends.

And then that's a full fucking duffel bag.

And right behind her, some skank showing off her nose like a fucking, like she's flaunting it.

Right, so that's official policy, and then there's actual policy official policy and then how what's enforced so in ecuador they had the um the official it uh it's one of the only countries if not the only one where the the the rights of environment are protected in the constitution Interesting.

And we were like, wow, that's so cool.

We asked them, and they just started laughing.

Is that not part of the Constitution?

And he was like, yeah, it's part of the Constitution, but we're constantly fracking and doing everything.

As he throws up the state of the state, is it your Constitution you can't spy on Americans?

Yeah, I'm like, so yeah, what are you talking about?

Right.

That's funny.

No, it totally makes sense.

Damn.

There was some good.

I appreciate you helping me with that trip, dude.

There was like good day trips and shit.

In Ecuador.

We'll be back on to do that one.

So you got to come back, buddy.

Yeah, for sure, man.

That was so fucking sick.

What a cool trip to Afghanistan.

Nobody goes there.

Yeah, it's a tough one.

And, you know, and I will say this too.

If anybody here has listened to me, like, wow, like, this sounds like something I want to do.

The Taliban are like way better about visitors.

You know, there's some conflict, conflict in my brain about like visiting.

Am I somehow being like a traitor by doing that?

But like, I have nothing to do with anything.

Neither do the normal ass fucking people there.

There's no reason why I can't go and enjoy the customs that predate any sort of fucking, any sort of like disputes that are going on and enjoy people and hang out.

Like, this has nothing to do with sides to me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And also, I saw someone come up to Michelle Wolf for performing in like Dubai, UAE, or somewhere.

I don't know, whatever.

And she's like, with the female rights, she goes, wouldn't it be cool, though, to show them what an actual like free female could be?

Yeah.

Should I not show them that version of womanhood?

And she's like, fuck off.

She was just like, eat a dick.

I'm going to fucking perform.

Dude, 100%.

Agreed.

And I always land there as well.

And you're curious.

Very much so.

And this is becoming an easier trip to take.

Like, I'm seeing on some of the accounts of people who I follow who are over there.

Like, Taliban now take photos of people.

They didn't used to do that.

They're getting a little bit more used to it.

So it's easier to do this trip than it used to be if you wanted to, which I, you know, I'm not recommending it.

But there are places that I do recommend.

Iraq, fully recommend that as a vacation.

Wow.

Oh, you got to come back for that one.

Yeah, yeah.

That's like a vacation, bro.

That's a vacation.

That's a vacation, I swear.

I mean that, and I'm not just being this guy

you'd see if you went vacation.

But yeah, Afghanistan, it's a little more of an adventure, but very doable if you want to do it.

It's such a cool place to have been.

Does any part of you,

while you're somewhere, okay, listen, I'm skiing in Vale.

I'm like, it's fun, right?

And then my brother took me to, we were going to go to Zerma in Switzerland, and he was like, hey, no snow, let's shift, let's go to Lavino.

And it was like, this is cool to be skiing in Lavino.

It's cooler than Vale.

So when you're in Afghanistan, how much of your goes, this is cool, dude.

Like, very much so.

This is sick.

Great experience.

But I try not to get too desensitized because I still enjoy Brussels.

You know what I mean?

I truly, not to sound like a fucking really obnoxious, positive person, because I'm definitely not that.

But I really do try my best to enjoy every single place that I go, even if it's not obvious what the place has to offer.

Because if you pay attention, every place does something well.

Yeah.

Even if you're in fucking Indiana.

You know what I mean?

Like every place

has a thing that they do and that they offer that's different than anywhere you've ever been.

So So you just have to be willing to pay attention.

So I do feel that way about Afghanistan, but it doesn't make me not want to go to Tokyo.

Right.

I still want to go to Tokyo.

I still want to go to St.

Bart's.

I still want to go to all these places.

I have two more questions for you.

I'll let you think about the first one while I ask you the second one.

Travel tips, just in general.

I would always do this.

Also,

what's on your horizon for next?

Just a country or two that like, like, I definitely want to hit that.

Oh, cool.

And then, also, before we get to either one of those, what would you tell somebody headed to Afghanistan?

Oh, make sure to do this or stay away from this?

Like, some advice.

Interesting.

I would say you probably have a better experience if you fly on like a

quote reputable airline.

Okay.

Just for peace of mind.

I mean, I think you'd probably make that decision by default, so there's no reason to.

Any sort of like random.

So, okay.

you need a guide.

You need a guide.

Obviously, nobody listening is probably even gonna go at all and probably would never consider going without a guide, but you need a guide, or you hang out with the taliban the entire day.

Well, yeah, but my thing is that guy was like, I don't need a tour group guy, but this a guide is different than a tour group guy.

That's the beauty of this.

You pay the same price you'd pay for a group to have a solo guide, right?

I was not with a group, right?

You can't make a video with a group.

I've tried before, it's impossible because everyone's like, come on, you're just cringe, you're fucking sneaking off, it sucks.

It's such a vibe killer.

Uh, so you need, you need the guide, and you can go in small groups if you want.

It will make it less expensive, but it's the same amount you'd spend on a big vacation.

I mean, you know, depending on what you're doing, if you're going to go take an international vacation, this falls in the same sort of price range.

Yeah.

So, yeah, if you're going there,

go with the guide.

Ask me before you go because I'll give you a recommendation and they'll tell you everything you need to know, fortunately.

Would you tell them like, hey, pack heavy and light because it's

cold and warm?

Yeah, yeah, check the forecast.

I would say don't go during the winter because it's like a heavy winter, heavy snow.

Like, um, definitely, yeah, try to go during the best time to go is probably during the fall, which is when I went.

Uh, it's like desert weather, it's like gets really hot in the afternoon, it's cool at night.

It's like Utah, nice looks like Utah, too, to be honest.

Wow.

Um,

and then as far as travel tips in general, yeah, assemble your travel toiletries over time

because

you never

need to feel like you're that far away from home.

You know how unpleasant it is when you're like, I don't have my moisturizer.

I don't have my toothpaste.

I don't have whatever.

You can curate all that stuff for yourself.

And it's worth it to do it.

What do you mean?

So, like, every single thing you have at your house that you can just default go to, if you assemble travel versions of that over time, you'll have everything you need to always.

Let's say you just bring your travel toiletries thing.

You don't go like, oh, fuck, I forgot to put my toothpaste in.

It's already in there.

My travel toiletries are always assembled.

Wow.

Smarts.

Ready to go.

That to me, because I never feel, I always feel at home on the go.

And even more so because I'm not bogged down by the fucking bullshit protocol of my life.

I can't possibly sit at my desk because I'm gone.

I'm on the road.

You know what I mean?

I don't know.

Somehow that like frees me up.

What I do, I like bog my day down thinking I need to do more than I actually need to do.

And I decide it's going to take me seven hours to do something.

And then

it doesn't.

Or then I think I need to be doing other productive things.

When I'm on the go, I feel light.

And I feel like I can look back at my life or whatever.

So I want to curate an environment where I don't feel homesick when I'm gone.

Okay.

Okay.

I like that.

Yeah.

You have your, okay, nice things.

And now, what else?

Where do you want to go?

Okay, so

it depends on what you mean by that.

I think like from a where do I want to go?

What's calling you?

What's calling Iran?

Iran, yeah.

Yeah, when she said, when she said Iran, and talked about how beautiful the mountains were and stuff.

And she goes, only a couple regions, probably

along the border here, but I don't know.

But she's like, the mountains were sick.

She goes, you didn't have to wear a hijab except in a few places.

Yeah.

Even for a girl, for a Swedish girl, was like, she was like, said it was fine.

That's great.

Yeah.

But she goes, as an American, you need a chaperone wherever you go.

Yeah.

And there's a little bit of like looseness with that, but you need a registered tour person.

Oh, right.

As an American, I'm working on getting my Italian passport.

I'm hoping that happens at some point, in which case that trip becomes more approachable.

It's easier to get the visa, et cetera, et cetera.

But I mean, dude, it's a developed country.

They have the biggest mall in the world in Iran.

Really?

Like, it's bougie, like, to some degree.

Like, you can find out, you can seek out a bougie experience in Iran.

You can't really do that in Afghanistan.

That's just interesting to me.

So, like, Iran is definitely up there.

I would say that Central Asia in general, like these countries, Tajikistan sounds super interesting.

Yeah.

Akiri, all of them, actually.

Turkmenistan is like weird.

I started learning Russian a little bit to go to Tajikistan, and then it was like, this is so hard.

I should just go Spanish.

What am I doing?

To use in like a very, maybe, maybe trip to take once.

Was, did you go?

No, but when I was in Myanmar, everyone was talking at a hostel about like place to go, and some lady was just like, the stands, and I think Tajikistan in general, she was like, it's uncharted, but it's still like, like, um, outgoing.

And one of them is like, no, no, you'll get taken.

And the other one's like, so friendly.

Which is the taken?

I don't know.

I got to look for it.

I think Tajikistan is one of the ones who actually, and

correct me if you know that I'm wrong, but I don't think that they speak speak as much Russian there.

I think they speak Tajik, which is kind of more like Farsi.

Interesting.

Maybe it's, I don't know.

I don't know.

Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan, Russian will help a lot.

I think Kyrgyzstan, too.

I don't really know what's on Turkmenistan.

Interesting.

Turkmenistan is like North Korea.

It's like impossible to go.

Big, beautiful cities.

There's no one there.

Oh, really?

It's super weird.

Turkmenistan?

Yeah.

Interests me a lot for sure.

Ashgabat.

Yeah.

Ashgabat is like the marble city or something they call it.

It's like gorgeous, huge, whatever.

There's just like nothing there.

So that sounds interesting to me.

I'd also like to do some sort of like Buddhism thing somewhere in Southeast Asia maybe or in Korea.

Buddy, right

here.

So Buddhist.

You've been there?

Yeah.

You mentioned it before.

What was that like?

It's very Buddhist.

Very.

So much so that they're literally killing the Muslims.

Yes.

It's very sad.

They said either Hitler Buddha or Nazi Buddha.

One of their main higher-ups was just like, again, not everybody's the most ideal You're not supposed to step on a fly, but they're like yeah, but the Muslims got a fuck Yeah, right.

It's like that fly you protect but not one of these fucking Muslims.

Yeah, you're like what you're Buddhist brutal.

What was where'd you go?

So you can't go everywhere this whole northern region.

There's one place you can go, but you can't get out of your train.

It's a 10-hour train to get you can't get out as a foreigner.

Once you get there, it's a little like almost like a embassy.

Like along these grounds, you can go out.

Anywhere else, no, but that's just, you wouldn't go there anywhere.

You know where you see all these areas.

You know what you see the ethnic cleansing.

But people are, yeah, I mean, it's only in regions, but yeah, but that region, right, they don't want you to see it.

You can't get a motorized vehicle, only electric

or bike.

And then,

but since it's so Buddhist in a real way, like people are actively trying to help you.

That's really nice.

Like, it's like, this is a real big, cool thing for me if I can just help you get where you're going.

And I'm not trying to take advantage.

100%.

And it makes it an experience so much better.

Yeah.

Because when you get greeted by the like fucking gringos or like even parts of Africa, like I haven't really traveled all over, but like I gather that a lot of some of these countries can be like that, not hospitable.

And people are just like shaking you down constantly.

Like that gets old.

Yeah.

We got off in a place we weren't supposed to be.

Sort of like, let's stay the night.

Let's try.

And some guy was like, where are you headed?

We're like to this place.

No, we're fine.

Leave us alone.

Still like got that xenophobia.

Like, I know you're trying to get over on me.

And

he's like, I can take you guys.

I've got a motorcycle.

I can take one of you you and then take another one.

It's like a mile and a half.

I could just like

you know, ferry you guys.

We're like, What do you want, man?

Like, what are you up to something?

Right, right.

And he goes, All right, you got me.

I was trying to practice my English.

If anyone that is a bit, that's funny as fuck.

It was great.

I was like, Yeah, all right, I gotta stop assuming things.

That reminds me of something.

Iraq,

and I know you want to do an episode about this, but this is like a fun thing.

The first night I was there, our guides were like, They were like, sorry, we can't meet you till tomorrow.

So we're just like alone in Iraq for 24 hours, which was completely fine.

But like, again, you don't want to, you don't want like curveballs the day you arrive.

No, you don't.

You don't.

So anyway, they're like, yeah, you'll be fine, like, whatever.

So we feel kind of comfortable at the hotel.

We're going to go to dinner.

They're like, okay.

They're like, we'll call you a taxi.

Use this number to like call the taxi when you come back.

We're like, okay.

So we go to dinner.

We have a great time.

Whatever.

Nobody speaks English, but we're pointing.

We're eating.

Have a great meal.

Then we somehow somehow can't figure out the taxi so we go to just hail a cab so there's marked cabs so we're kind of like and then just this random car pulls up and we're like oh no dude and it's some it's like a toyota camry the dude just kind of looks like dirty and little and like i don't know that's rude to profile somebody but you know yeah he's like get in get in and we're like fuck so we show him a picture of the hotel and we're just sitting there like oh my god oh my god and then he drops us off at the hotel and we're like oh thanks we're like how much we owe you he's like no no don't worry he's like it's free please please Welcome.

What?

Yeah, isn't that crazy?

Didn't nobody let you pay for anything there, dude.

It was like that the whole trip.

Wow.

I know.

I was like, that's wild.

That was a really nice experience.

Damn.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, Julio Gallerati,

thanks, buddy.

Yeah, thanks,

you got to come back on for sure.

This was cool.

Yeah, thanks.

Dude, it's a treat to get to talk about this stuff.

I appreciate it.

Yeah, so what Rolf says is like when you get home, he goes, you're going to be met with two people.

You probably experienced this.

We're going to wrap this up anyway.

But like, he goes, You have this amazing, kind of life-changing experience, or just wild for sure.

And someone's like, How was you?

Like, oh my god, it was so cool.

Um, I, I, I went to a monastery in the mountains, and they go, Oh, yeah, I've been to monastery.

Hey, what you see in a dune yet?

And you're like, Oh, really?

You're just gonna change the subject on me, yeah.

You're like, This guys is so much cooler than anything you've done this week, dude.

I, I, how much I relate to that is crazy, and I kind of understand it, but yeah, I don't want to be annoying.

Yeah, you're like, all right, if you're not asking, I'm not going to push.

Now that I've been so many places, like I have things that I can add, and I try to be sparing with that because I don't want to be annoying.

Right.

I don't want to have something better to say than you have to say.

But this podcast is like, I want to hear it.

Exactly.

Which is so nice.

And dude, it makes me feel bad for people who've been to war, to be honest.

They come back from war and like, not only does nobody understand what they've been through, and they probably don't even want to talk about it, but like how little they understand must be really difficult.

Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean?

Kind of fucks me up thinking about it, but uh, yeah, man, I just really love traveling to maybe to a fault, and I intend to continue letting her up.

Yeah, nice.

All right, good show, all right.

Thanks, man.

How about, buddy?

Thanks.

Good.

Hi, guys.

Well, that's the episode.

As always, I like to avail myself, get it, pun, oh, of interesting places to shoot.

Oh, shit.

This was a mistake.

I can already tell you this is a mistake.

This is dangerous.

If you liked Julio, please check out his special on the map at youtube.com/slash at not Julio.

Guys, he's the Anthony Bourdain of stand-up comedy.

I'm not joking.

You think it's me?

It's not.

It's Julio.

He goes to way wilder places than me.

Does way wilder and more dangerous things.

If you want to see him back, listen, he's come back either way, but if you want to incentivize him to come back sooner, click on his special on the map.

Shit, how how do I make this jump at Not Julio?

Shit.

And tell him you heard about his special from this.

Tell him your favorite joke, but also tell him you were sent here

straight from Afghanistan.

No, that's all mogul.

That's all mogul.

How do I make this turn?

Oh,

Jerry.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

We're safe,

guys.

I have a couple big announcements.

One, if you're looking interested for the trip around the world, it's not really around the world.

It's either Southeast Asia or South America.

Maybe it's around the world.

Maybe that would be more fun.

If you're a guy or a girl, it's interesting going, please send a DM to at Ubi Trippin'Pod on Instagram

or Ubi Trippin' Gmail account.

It might be Ubi Trippin'Pod a Gmail account too.

Please put it up.

Tell Heather and Caitlin why you want it to be you,

what time you have, why you want to travel, what you're hoping to get out of this.

By the way, you're going to do it my way.

That's the deal.

You're going to leave your phone behind.

You're going to lock yourself out of all social media.

and your email and you're going to be off the grid.

You're going to make friends.

That's the way I want you to do it.

That's the the way I think you'll get the most out of it.

Whoa.

Oh,

fucking shit.

Yeah, why is it better light here?

No.

Oh, that's a nice shot.

That's it.

We're going to hopefully choose by

April and then send you out from May.

Today's episode is edited by, oh, what is this?

Little Wonderland by Alan Caffey.

Produced by your Mom's House Network.

I can hit this.

Send it.

Oh.

Send it.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

And now I've got a massive announcement.

It's not now,

but it's coming next week.

Adam Rowe is next week talking about India.

Fucking great bike trip in India.

Really good episode.

As you know by now, different experiences, different places.

It is not Duncan Trussell's spiritual journey in India.

No, it's Adam Rose's disgusting journey.

But I have a massive, massive, massive announcement for any stand-up comedy fan, for every fan of stand-up comedy and the history thereof.

There will be a pre-sale announced for something

on Monday's episode.

Pre-sale will start on Wednesday.

You want to get the first codes for that.

It might be on Tuesday, to be honest.

We'll find out.

he's coming Monday when the pre-sale is.

And that's it.

All I can tell you is that's a hint.

Full announcement.

That's straight Cliff.

Full announcement next week.

But you want to tune in for that.

Anyone who's been a fan of mine for a long time,

anyone who's a fan of Justice,

ah, fuck.

It's a big announcement.

Until the next week, Adam Rowe.

But we got a bunch of good ones.

North Korea.

We got North Korea coming with Michael Malice.

Dude, it's just so many.

Please subscribe.

Wherever you're watching and listening.

Fuck.

And I tell them, by the way, what do you think of this new jacket?

I had to buy a new one because fucking Northface is bullshit.

I said the zipper's broke.

Can you fix it?

They go, yeah, sure, but you got to bring it in.

I'm like, can I, can you just like, can I just fix it myself?

No.

They said, no, if you do it yourself, the fucking warranty is lifted.

So I sent it in.

I took it all the way out to where the fucking Cap City is in Austin.

Dropped it off.

They shipped it straight back to me.

These fucking cunts, idiots.

They shipped it straight back to me instead of to the fucking repair.

So then I get it a month later.

I'm on the road.

God, I like the jacket too.

I get it back a month later.

Let's go skiing.

And then what do they do?

They say, oh, great.

I was like, it's not repaired.

And they go, oh, yeah, sorry.

It's an error by the employee.

I'm like, okay, your employee though, right?

And they go, yeah, our employee.

I'm like, okay, so can you fix it?

And they go, yes, send it in.

I'm like, all right, how long does this take?

It's just a zipper.

And they go, yeah, it's just a zipper.

Should be no time.

Two weeks.

So I mail it in.

A fucking month passes.

Nothing.

They stop responding to emails.

Two different threads I'm on.

They just keep saying send it back.

We'll send you a fucking shipping label.

You sent me the fucking shipping label.

And now it's fucking

March.

Fucking Northface.

Oh.

And now it's fucking March.

I still don't have it back.

And then you won't even respond to emails.

So that's fucked.

Get fucked, Northface.

You screwed me.

You screwed me royally.

I had to go through my whole fucking winter with this, and then I had to buy this.

Now I'm going to return it.

It's going to be ruined.

I wanted to.

I'm also, you know, I'm into materials.

I'm materials.

I don't want to waste things.

And Northface made me waste stuff.

Until next week, everybody.

That's Alam Lekim.

Thanks, Julio.

Everyone subscribed to his stuff.

Oh, and you see me on the road?

Schaunburg, Illinois.

This week, show added on Thursday with Adriana Pelucci.

Tabernacle in March

in Atlanta.

Then Portland,

I mean, March 16th.

Tabernacles, March 15th.

March 16th, and Portland's show was added.

Both those shows with Adrian Appalucci, The Dark Queen, and then, I got to finish those.

Then Vancouver, Seattle, Edmonton, Calgary, all the Canadian days have a show added because they're all sold out.

San Jose.

I don't know what else is there, guys.

Orlando's almost gone.

No shows will be added there.

Well, a second show is already added, but then, and then Fort Lauderdale.

That's it.

Let's go.

I think I'm done.

I don't know what else there is.

Damn, it was sick.

All right, guys.

Oh, also, I got recommendations of the week.

The heavy heavy.

Check out the heavy heavy if you've never done it.

It's my new thing.

I'm going to do a recommendation at the end of the week.

It's a band.

They're like Led Zeppelin.

I saw him live once in New York.

It was a tiny little fucking place.

They fucking rule.

You got to get their album.

I don't know what it's called.

But

I think they only have one.

I have the vinyl.

They signed it for me.

That's how small they are.

They're going to be in arenas fucking soon.

So check out the heavy heavy.

Until Mezuk, Assalamu Alaikum.

Thanks to Alan Caffey for editing.

Thanks for your mom's house producing.

Goodbye.

And check out next week on a row for that announcement.

Also, we'll start reading off some of the submissions.

Not by name.

Okay, goodbye.