South Africa w/ Big Jay Oakerson | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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You know where the ashtray's from?

Let's just start.

Okay.

Okay.

Big J Okra said, well, I'll do your insurance in a second.

That ashtray's from the Amazon.

This guy at this fucking early hotel we were staying in,

no names, was

making it out of a can.

He made it out of a can.

He goes, look, and then he did fire dancing, but he was new to fire dancing.

He was like kind of chucking it up lightly and scared.

And then he finished, and I think I was the first one to realize, I I think he's done.

And I was like,

and then he's like, Thank you.

He was so proud of himself.

Oh, you couldn't believe he did it.

Yeah, oh, like, call that one.

His eyebrows are still there.

Smush inches.

Where you been, and where are you going?

This is Aries Travel Show.

Yeah, we're gonna talk about travel today.

It's you be tripping, yeah.

Big Jay Oakerson, yeah, buddy.

One of my best friends, yes, sir, my My oldest friend in New York.

Not a great traveler.

Not a great traveler.

But that's great because I like having all types in here.

We've been to some places together.

We have.

Toronto was fun.

It was fun things, yeah.

Yeah.

Blind eating in Toronto.

Blind eating was great.

We've done some wild things in Montreal, Canada.

Yeah.

Our adventures are Canada.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like you can drive to it.

It's not as adventures.

Do you remember when we went on that wild adventure six hours drive away?

One hour from Hulu working?

But

this one is very far away.

Jay, you know, from his podcast, Legion of Skanks, SDR Show, The Bonfire, which is not a podcast, it's a radio show

with Bobby Kelly, who will be on here.

Also available, though, as a podcast.

It is now also a podcast.

You were so out of it before, but it's not a podcast.

It's a radio show.

Well, now the first hour of it is a podcast.

Every week a podcast.

But if you want the full version, of course, yes, Series 6.

Jay was on a former podcast called Ari Shveer Skeptic Tank, possibly more than anyone else.

Yeah, fun show.

Fun show.

Jay,

where are you taking us today?

What are you going to tell us about?

I'm telling you about my trip to South Africa, Cape Town Comedy Festival.

It's wild that you went there.

So you go fucking nowhere.

And then you went the furthest.

Yeah.

It was,

and

the leading up to it

was so

bad.

One, I was excited to go, but the only other comic from America, or the two other comics that were going from America,

were Todd Lynn, who the late Todd Lynn.

Late blind dead.

Not blind yet.

Oh.

Probably had diabetes already.

He could have had it from Fat or Black.

Yeah, you never knew.

You never know with him.

Never knew.

You just didn't know.

Wonky Arm and just an all-around

terrible, terrible personality um and there's no one i've met that has died that people refuse to even be like nah he's a good guy i do i do that always because i it was weird he was one of the first deaths toddlin

that i'll say that like

it always and also dealing with him on this particular trip which you'll which you'll hear in this particular trip

is being able to, and I've always loved this.

This is why I always thought like barbecues were great.

What barbecues?

Like comedian barbecues and stuff were always great.

Like at my old place.

Yes, because it gets people out of their judgmental like comedy world.

Yeah.

Do you know what I mean?

And they start just like becoming dudes talking about football or whatever, growing up in whatever city and the games used to play.

You know what I mean?

Like you stopped going like, oh, this guy never puts me on his shows at his thing.

Those things were important.

And me and Todd did have that in South Africa.

Really?

Interestingly enough.

That is the cool thing about comedy festivals.

You do have to be like, we're just in this together.

And the nasty show in Montreal was like, it's two weeks.

You're a team.

You're a team.

And like, you're in the team.

People who you later ended up online fighting with.

At the time, we're like, this is great.

We're just, it's just us guys right now.

And

the other comic from America who was going was Alou Bell.

Ah, Alou Bell.

Who

by this point seemed to have already cracked.

And I really don't mean that in a mean way, but Alou Bell was like a dapper,

very handsome, very funny.

Curly-haired one?

Yeah, very funny comic when he was younger.

David Letterman, like.

A lot of people said he was

their favorite over.

Yeah.

I mean, he was a suit comic, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

But just like I said, like a handsome guy kind of had it together.

And then he just became like a long-haired, like...

He almost looked homeless.

It was so weird to see.

Which he did.

Yeah, I don't know.

But I don't know if something happened or what.

But either way, he was the other guy going.

And

no disrespect to his comic, very funny guy.

It was just these two people, Todd and Alou Bell.

You're like, damn, dude, not like one friend, you know, Kurt, Metzger.

It's not the same style as you in any way.

No.

Comedy-wise.

Probably,

probably

Lynn was, Todd Lynn was probably closer to your style.

Yes.

Yeah.

I worked with Todd Lynn often in the city.

That's why I knew he had a bad personality.

My interaction with Todd Lynn first time ever when I met him was

me and Dean Edwards met at the Black Comedy Club in Philly, the Laugh House, before I ever really came to New York.

Yeah.

And I said something to Dean.

Dean had a joke where he mentions Westside Story

and

sings a tune to one of the songs of it or something.

It wasn't the same concept as my joke.

And my joke where I mentioned West Side Story, I also sing a thing at the end, like learning how to fight from watching Westside Story.

They weren't the same joke at all.

We both mentioned West Side Story and both sing a different part of it, like a different song part of it.

And it was cool about the tiny overlap.

I brought it up to him that I said this thing.

No, this is to Dean Edwards.

Oh, okay.

I'm telling you.

And so we had already had this thing.

It's like, oh, yeah, those things aren't alike at all.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh, good.

Thank you.

I'm like, this guy's clearly higher than me.

No, I mean, if he was like, yeah, it's kind of close, I would have just had to get rid of my thing.

But it's good.

Like, hey, no drama.

Great.

Perfect.

Yeah.

And I went to go do this black show one day in New York when I first started coming to New York at a place called La Bar Bat

on 57th Street.

It doesn't exist anymore, but they would do an after-work comedy show hosted by Talent.

It was a black comedy show.

This is like the black people in sweaters and suits after work.

Yeah.

Again, they are there to hook up, meet chicks, and fuck.

Comedy is happening very in the background.

You know, they'd love talent because he was famous in that world.

And,

you know, whoever else went there, you know, good, good comics, like who were Donnell Rawling, these guys would go up there and murder because they knew how to like get that crew.

I didn't have the

forward punch to like really do that good.

But, you know, I was doing it, and I, and I'm like, oh, well, my last bit where I sing the song will do good.

You know what I mean?

And I did it, and it gets interrupted by a voice going, yo, that's my roommate's joke.

That's my roommate's joke, motherfucker.

That's my, and I'm like, you dancing?

And I'm like,

what?

You dancing?

I was singing the

story song.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I go, I'm like, what?

He's like, that's my roommate.

I'm like,

this fucking guy, you know, whatever half cocktail.

Calling in a black room, cocked way I get out.

Trying to sound sort of tough.

I just get off stage and I go over and I'm like, I'm like, who is that?

You know what I mean?

And I'm like, what's who's this guy?

Good.

I was like, do you want?

I'm like, what's the problem, man?

And he's like, my roommate, he's like, Dean Edwards, man, that's his joke you took.

And I was like, I actually spoke to Dean Edwards in Philadelphia and we discussed these jokes.

And he said he had no problem.

That was my first time.

Actually, sir, you are incorrect.

I'm sure it's how it sounded for sure.

No, okay.

Are you ready to listen to reason now?

Now that you've been crazy?

Yeah, really.

But like whatever, I explained.

I have a general education diploma.

Do you?

And that was, I think, we didn't.

We had to be separated at the cellar from getting into a fist fight one night, me and Toddlyn.

Wait, so, but let's go to Africa, though.

Yeah, I'm saying, no, I'm not going going to tell that whole story.

I'm just saying, like, we've had this tumultuous thing, yeah, oh, and he's one of the people going to Africa.

Okay,

I'm like, great.

Now,

also, before the week I'm going to Africa,

I get caught cheating on my ex before we were married.

So bad.

My daughter was young.

She was a baby still.

So bad.

Is this when I met you?

Maybe.

No, it was a little after this, I think.

No, it was after.

It was before I met you.

Yeah, for sure.

Okay.

I met you and you were like, well, go ahead.

What was it?

Go ahead.

I remember, and you were like, yeah, my chick caught me cheating, and it was bad.

She was really mad.

And then she was like,

trying to forgive me.

It might be.

It was probably after that.

Trying to forgive me.

And she's like, well, just promise me you'll never do it again.

And you were going,

first time in my life, I realized I was definitely going to do it again.

So I was like, I can't promise you that.

That was that true.

She was like, wait, what?

What are you talking about?

And you were like, it's so honest.

like, yeah, I'd love to say I'm not going to do that again, but I think I'm going to do it again.

I think I'm probably going to do it again.

Yeah,

I couldn't believe this guy.

I was like, You told her that?

He goes, Well, that didn't take away this trip ultimately.

Wow.

Okay.

Oh, yes.

I met you shortly after this.

You were telling me about this trip.

Absolutely.

Yeah, yeah, because it did.

It did.

Wow.

So we, so I get caught really, really bad.

Okay.

And I feel fucking terrible.

It's, I'm

one night meeting.

So that girl, the side girl

i did uh

she had for the first time ever seen in my phone that her name was in there as like

just like a guy like larry or something like weird like a larry doesn't even make any sense that didn't make her feel great and she was like what the hell that and i was like what i like oh i said the first time the first night i ever the first night i ever got your number i didn't remember your name and i knew it started with an l so i just placeheld it as as

Larry.

It was such a bad, whatever.

I think she was just born today.

As if she had never met any man.

She didn't buy it.

Yeah.

Needless to say, she didn't buy that, this girl.

So, but then, so I'm trying to, you know, in so many ways, like, whoa, whoa, you know, I'm just young, dumb as shit, maybe like 24 at the time, 25.

Yeah.

And I'm like, what?

I'm like, I don't know what you mean.

And I go, I'll prove to you so much how I'm not doing that to hide your number from somebody.

Yeah.

From my kid's mom.

You know what I mean?

I say is not my girlfriend.

Okay.

I put her name in as her first name, my last name.

Oh.

Just like, look, that's how little I'm worried about this.

It's not even a good excuse, by the way.

It seems like, because it seems like, by the way, it's not even a good, let me tell you why it's not a good solution.

It was a dumbest solution.

I mean, you just know where, now you know where it's headed.

I'm like, it's the worst possible thing.

Well, of course, but I'm saying, but like, just that, that last name thing doesn't prove, it's almost like easier.

You should put everyone

cheating with as whatever, no, even if it's a girl, yeah, their first name and your last name because they'll think, like, oh, this must be like a cousin or something, or whatever, an aunt.

Who knows?

You wouldn't think twice about it.

But my long-term, so that night I go home and

your aunt, Las Vegas, stripper, yeah, yeah, yeah,

stripper from Las Vegas, Okerson.

Yeah, so I

so I go,

I go home that night, and what I would would do, I was so worried about getting caught and shit all the time.

Oh my God.

That

I would turn my phone off.

It was like a T-Mobile sidekick.

I would turn my phone off completely and put it in.

I put him on a side piece.

Get a sidekick.

Yeah.

And I'd turn it off and put it in my pillowcase.

Wow.

Oh, that didn't look suspicious.

I did it every night.

And I don't know.

I don't know.

It was just like young dumb shit, I guess.

But like, it is a weird thing to make to normalize.

So she

so that morning, now that night, you know, I went to bed.

Me and the side girl were kind of fighting.

And I,

you know, and I, I thought I turned my phone off and put it in the pillowcase.

But I left it on.

And she had tried calling me in the morning a bunch, the girl.

Okay.

I'll never even know if it was to be like

non-stop.

Oh, so you were ignoring it.

Didn't go to waste asleep right i'm dead asleep

it was early it must have been early because then uh

what happens is my you know it's reading so much like my ex thinks it's an emergency fair to her you know i mean she's like oh shit that's this is probably like something important and then she sees the girl's name okerson and being like

like i it's like i've known this guy you know i mean i've met his family we have a child together like lauren okerson and why is she calling nons yeah like what is this emergency thing

she answers the phone and i'm asleep and they have three full hours oh of really catching up on all of it wait the girl and and and your

what talking to each other three hours while you're asleep dead asleep dave temple told me a story plums dancing in he was in uh philadelphia when they called the lockdown of philadelphia but he was like four blocks over from the riots so he was just having a nice day and he was just walking and he goes they had already called a curfew he was unaware he was just blissfully like you asleep Yeah.

Just like,

just like, your life is already done.

The world's going on.

Like that shit that went to South Africa, the aged lady.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, her life was done.

And she was like, can I get some more peanuts?

This fight is great.

So I, uh,

so then I wake up, you know, a couple hours

when their phone call's done.

Yeah.

I wake up with a, my ex is in law school at the time, still, with a nice law book straight to the face.

Well deserved.

Well deserved um

well deserved she hit you with it in the face through it

and law books dude

i mean i was a real wake-up

yeah if there was ever evidence that i'm never gonna like hit a girl yeah it was the uh what i caught that day i caught a nutshot that day too she gave me a good old-fashioned lightning

yeah yeah and a real like

it was one of it was really damn man like she's frightfully so furious the way a way to find all this out.

Guys, I got to break in real quick to tell you about Big Jerkers.

He's a comedian.

He's one of the best comedians in the world.

I'm not joking.

So much so that I produced his special on YouTube called Dog Belly, Millions of Views.

Check that out.

We recorded it at Skank Fest, and it's fucking, it really showcases his talent.

He's one of the best riffers, one of the best crowd work guys in the fucking world, in my Hall of Fame, in my Mount Rushmore of This Not Happening storytellers.

He's great at everything.

He's ugly, though.

And he's fat.

And he's fat.

And that's why he's on this week.

Yeah, there's a five, it's a five Monday September.

So I decided to go theme.

Did you get it?

All fatties.

Star with Sean Patton, fat, Cuba, then Shane Diaz, fat, Spain, then Joey Diaz.

Sean Patton, Shane Gillis.

Shane Gillis.

Did I say Joey Diaz?

Then Joey Diaz.

America.

Fat.

He fills up on edibles.

You think it's just got drugs.

It's got sugar in it, too.

And now Big J Ogerson, South Africa.

And who will be the final fat of the month?

The fattiest fat of them all.

Leave your guesses in the comments below.

Please subscribe.

I'm almost at 100,000 subscribers.

That is cool.

It's going well.

I'm having fun with this.

I already know who it's going to be.

I'll tell you in the outro.

Here's where Big Jay is going to be.

You can get all of his tickets at bigjcomedy.com slash live.

Starting, well, he's in Skank Fest with me at the end of September, but

starting in October, Spokane, Poughkeepsie, St.

Louis, Buffalo.

Then in November, Oklahoma City, Austin, Louisville, Houston, and Philadelphia's hometown.

Moving on in December, Providence, Palm Beach, Boston, at the Wilbur Theater.

I'm excited for Jay to finally finally do that his first time.

And then in January, he's at Cleveland.

Get tickets at bigjcomedy.com slash live.

For myself, I'm finally starting another tour.

It's time to put it on sale.

It's going on sale in

October 16th will be the pre-sale, possibly 23rd.

I'll keep you updated.

These are the cities.

I need a name.

If you can help me out with a name in the comments below if you're watching on YouTube, I really need a name.

The deal is it's the only cities I'm going to do.

I'm not adding any cities.

And I'm only only really touring, I mean, Austin and maybe Tahoe in December, but mostly only I'm touring January, February, March, and the first week of April.

And then one gig in June in Alaska.

And then that's it till late 2027.

So it's like the See Me Now or See Me Never tour.

I don't know.

Help me come up with a name.

But here is going to be the cities.

The pre-sale will be October 16th or the 23rd.

Austin, Tahoe, Pittsburgh, Providence, Salt Lake City, Brea, Nashville, New Jersey, Tampa, Denver at the Commodores.

I'm doing another best of week.

Schaumburg, Illinois, Atlanta at the Tabernacle Theater, where Joe Rogan taped a special, and I'm excited to go there.

Jacksonville, San Jose, Fort Lauderdale, Seattle, Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary.

And then maybe, I don't know yet, a version of, oh, and Anchorage, Alaska in June.

Maybe some, a couple of these.

Portland, Dallas, San Antonio, Spokane, and Boise.

I don't know which ones yet, but I will know before the pre-sale on October 16th.

So set a date in your calendars.

I will not be adding shows.

I'll not be adding anything closer to your town until late 27, possibly 28.

I'm not joking.

I'm going to go joy my life.

Sign up for the Patreon, patreon.com

slash you be tripping.

The RSF fear one's dead.

I imported all the travel-based ones to patreon.com slash you be tripping.

Once I get to 2,000 subscribers, I'm sending a fan or just somebody around the world.

It won't be a patron.

It'll just be somebody.

It could be a patron, but it's just be somebody.

We're going to have a contest.

I'm going to use all that money that you guys are going to be in on this dream.

We're going to send them around the world.

I'm going to want to check in once a month.

I figure out a way they won't just blow all the money in the first week.

I'm going to keep putting money on a credit card.

Send them out there.

Just check in.

Let us know how you're doing.

We'll talk about it on the Patreon.

And I'll probably do it on outros of these podcasts too.

It's cool.

It's a fun thing.

It's a fun thing.

I have fun.

Patreon.com slash you be tripping.

Three episodes a month.

People have been sending in their travel postcards.

I read them.

I talk about the countries they're in, all the fucking experiences they have.

It's been fucking cool getting a postcard from somebody saying, you may be traveling.

I like it.

It's fun.

Also, I got vinyls are all shipped out now.

You probably have them in your hand already.

If you didn't get one of the signed ones, get one and get them signed at one of those gigs.

Grinders are on there.

Some t-shirts, I believe.

The Aries of your cat shirt.

I'm sure I just think what else.

I got to get passport holders.

Good idea.

Anyway, that's it.

Let's get back to the episode.

Please subscribe.

Please leave a comment for the algorithm.

Things are going great.

I love life.

Get off the news.

Let's get back to Bidj Okris on a wild tale of South Africa.

This is a cool version of South Africa.

All right, let's start.

And you have a child with this person.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, this guy's a dildo dummy, and I have a kid with him.

And it's a law book.

It's like proving to you that she's in the right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, so I know how poetic that is.

And a law book.

So, um,

so yeah, that's that's a whole ordeal.

So I feel feel terrible.

I feel terrible because I can't even overly worry about the other girl who is also upset and I feel bad.

I'm like, oh, I've lied to her so much.

It wasn't like.

But she wasn't complicit in like fucking over my ex.

Do you know what I mean?

So I've made her do that.

You're being faced with all the friends you've brought in on it by like, you know, making it like it's not a weird thing to them that they're like.

at my house having dinner and then dude i hate it and then being you had somebody ask you to lie for them but then they they broke up, and you're like,

Hey, they might find out that I lied to them.

Can you just not involve me?

Exactly.

So it's like, I didn't realize how you're doing that to people until it happens.

Yeah, you know, someone does to you.

But, like, uh,

but so I was feeling so much guilt, and then at home was terrible.

So, I'm going out, and like, rare for me outside of like opening for a tell at the time when he still drank, yeah, I'm getting obliterated

every night, yeah, dude.

I'm getting obliterated,

uh, and

yeah, every night.

So, I have about three nights before I have to go to South Africa for three weeks.

And how many nights are removed from this day?

From being caught.

Yeah.

Yeah, like three.

Wow.

So part of me is also.

I'm not dealing with it, dealing with it by not dealing with it for three days, and then I got to leave around the world.

Actually, you want to hear something crazy?

Sure, yeah, buddy.

About that story.

When I got caught in my mind, I was like, maybe this is for the best.

I'm actually leaving the mall.

I think I got caught like on a Sunday or something.

You know what I mean?

whatever it was i thought i was leaving for south africa the next day oh

and then when i woke up in that morning it was like i just had the i just assumed it was monday not really looking at the date yeah and it was like we're leaving wednesday actually you know i mean so it's one of those like oh man i got two more days i have to sit in this and it's it's so bad it's so so bad she kick you out was she like you got to get out of here or was like not i mean they got the kid No, there was no kicking me out of there, but like I was going

until like late night doing, you know, clubs anyway, but I'd go to the club and I was getting obliterated.

And then the night before

I was leaving, I went, got hammered, and woke up in the morning in the bed.

And like, I moved and I got hurt.

My fucking like elbows, like right below my elbows or above, depending on how you're looking at it,

hurt.

And like, because there's like a stingy feeling because they feel like they're stuck to the sheets.

And I was like, wow, you know, almost like tape was ripping off.

I look down, there's blood on the sheets.

And then I go, and I got the star tattoos the night before on 6th Avenue somewhere with Mike Vecchion and Joe DeRosa.

So I like dragged them to this place, and they stopped me from getting, they said I was asking to get 666 tattooed on me somewhere.

Yeah, I was feeling it.

It was pretty depressing times.

Depressing times.

They were like, and I was like, well, I always kind of like when those stars are on the elbows.

And they were like, Okay, sure.

We're not going to stop you from doing something.

That's just lame.

Like, do they?

Yeah, like, you have a tattoo that 50,000 people have, of course.

So we can live with lame, yeah.

Woke up that next day, go to the airport to find out I have,

and this is so many years ago, I said it wasn't like, you know, like tickets now, like you have it all on an app and, you know, where the thing, I didn't even pay that.

I'm like, I was in a fucking middle seat for 26 hours, man.

An 18-hour flight and an eight-hour flight or 18 hours and eight hours.

With bloody elbows?

Yeah.

Bloody elbows.

And like, you know, just in the middle seat, dude.

It was brilliant.

You You can't just swap it, so you can't even go on an app and just change it.

You're just like, that's your seat.

You got to get there and hopefully, and I did, there was no chance of me having money to go, like, well, let me change this to a fucking first clay.

I'll pay, I'll pay whatever, just don't make me sit in the middle seat.

You know what I mean?

Like, it was a time where you're like, I love when you get there, you're like, hey, can I have like an Iowa window?

They go, let me check for you.

And then other times, like, can I have an Iowa window?

They go,

yeah, no, it's it's packed.

Yeah, we're about to ask 10 people to knock it on the flight.

So I know it sucks though, the difference.

But so

I get to the airport.

I go and I'm like,

I'm getting away from

all this stuff now.

I go to the first night.

I remember we land

and like

when we pull into this place, it really was like, it looks like another planet.

It was crazy.

Cape Town Airport?

Just like the, just land, you know, when you're landing, you're looking out the window.

It was night when we landed.

Yeah.

Already, but like, it was just like, you still see.

It was just like

Earth.

You know what I mean?

It didn't look like fucking buildings and shit you know what i mean like when you're coming down it's like wow

and uh they transport us and they take us to what do you mean just like flat buildings not buildings just like just like no like the planes and stuff just like africa you know it just looks very africa like oh cool you know the shanty towns when you're coming down it was it was dark so you couldn't see much you know i mean but it was just like that's almost what i'm saying it's like you're landing in this like pitch black

just like it said like nature earth you know what i mean

and um

we landed and the first thing i was surprised by which I don't know why we weren't like, I guess maybe they figure if you know anything about the world or were worldly at all, you would know this, but I was blown away right away.

I'm like,

white people, it's British mostly.

It's a British.

Oh, yeah, you picture black.

I pictured like jungle black, you know, like coming to America.

You know what I mean?

Like, like dancing ladies on elephants and shit.

Yeah.

Which, by the way, which, by the way, I made that joke to Todd Lynn when we landed.

And he told it on stage every night.

What?

Yeah.

Yeah, that was pretty weird.

I made the joke because I did the thing where I made him laugh over it because I was doing like the Coming to America dance thing.

And I'm like, nah, just a bunch of British white people.

And then he does that.

Wow.

Yeah.

But he

is.

So

we go.

And I said, I'm going through all this shit at home, but I will say, just these moments, like we drive into the

Table Bay Hotel.

Yeah.

How far away from the airport was it?

How far do you have to drive?

I don't remember.

Was it the Dangerous?

No.

Okay.

No, but they were pointing out they were like

some strange things I thought.

They were like, during the day, they said specifically during the days, like during the days, you should go

take, they do,

they didn't say Safari, but it's so, because it would be so shitty to say, because it's basically what they're saying, though.

They go, you should take, they do tour buses that go through the

ghetto?

But they're called the townships.

Yeah.

They go through the townships, and that's like where they're, that's the place where they, first of all, they call the people who live there the colored because I think they're like

discarded half black, half white,

and they call it colored.

I think that's what Trevor Noah ultimately says, like his thing is.

They call them color.

That's not full black.

Oh.

Like dark black is black.

It's very bizarre.

But that's the people who live in the, at least in South in Cape Town.

That's the people who live like in the houses that like are made of like shit and garbage and like, you know, discarded newspapers.

District 9 whatever it's called yeah yeah yes absolutely so that was joburg which is like not crazy far from there either okay but like uh

but so

oh yeah that was south africa anyway oh right right right we get to

table uh bay hotel like resort i guess which is i forget what they're called but maybe this is different now but it was like this is one of like the 10 most elite like hotels in the globe.

They put you up at that?

That's where they put you up.

This

changed the next year actually apparently whatever we did

you were responsible for i heard the cape town festival was no longer table mountain table bay mountain hotel

um yeah

oh yeah

table bay mountain hotel or no no table bay hotel i think westquay victoria no yep that one i'm sure yeah victoria nope

that's not it is it

no no is it i mean it looks like it could be is it yeah yeah then it's definitely right there yeah zoom in where it was again

yeah

yeah

protected

um

it's wild man yeah take a look

wow yeah i remember that road that goes up i mean and i'm telling you this the breakfast there yeah

yeah it was a three and i mean this three rooms of buffet no really and then also they did like they put in comics up in a place like this and again only

whatchamacallit Only Hotel I've ever seen.

Look at his backdrop.

It's my backdrop.

Many nights sitting in that bar.

You know what's funny?

In that bar, you know what I remember about that bar?

From the future?

What?

Do you know what I remember from that bar?

What?

I was sitting in the corner of it and hearing.

This is a weird...

This is before, again, like, internet could figure everything out in a heartbeat.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Just like, you know, it seems not long ago.

It's 20 years ago or whatever.

I remember sitting there and like being able to ask the person what the song was playing because it was a song I've been chasing for a couple years.

It used to play in the showroom.

It was this guy's personal mix who played in the

front bar at Caroline's Comedy Club.

And when he stopped working there, that guy, I never asked him who that was.

You could never just get it?

The song is Whispering Wind by Moby.

How funny is it?

It's mostly instrumental.

And you found it here?

Found it at that.

Oh, that's your big souvenir

bar.

This looks awesome.

I can't believe they would ever send a comedian up in anything nice.

Hi, everybody.

I am so excited for this spa day.

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Music on.

Hot tub warm and ready.

And then my chronic hives come back.

Again, in the middle of my spa day.

What a wet blanket.

Looks like another spell of itchy red skin.

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Now back to the episode.

It was elite and crazy.

It's also attached to, if you go to the map again,

it's attached to a gigantic mall.

It's on the bay.

Yeah, it looks like it's on the bay.

So you see the open air area there.

Like all down by those piers and shit.

It's just when you go, it's exactly what you're hoping.

It's like steel drum playing and little shops of people making like real art stuff.

It was

like African?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whoa, cool.

Wait, so what were they making?

They were kind of like just like wood shit.

I mean, it, it may be like the tourist trap thing of it, but I'll tell you, if as a person who's been to a bunch of like, you know, the Bahamas port and the whatever shit and like all the way, you know, where you get a Jamaican like a hat and shit like that.

that everybody buys, you know, it's like the tourist trap thing.

It didn't feel tourist trappy.

It felt real.

It felt like how people make their money.

It felt like busking more than it felt like,

and just people just performing music and stuff, walking around and stuff, and like looking at it.

So, the first night I got there, yeah, that's why I said this place was so amazing.

I opened the window,

uh, I opened the window of

the hotel, and like my room happened to have a view of Table Mountain, which, if you could bring up that, you probably should.

Uh,

it's one of the night, it's one of the nine natural wonders of the world, this mountain, yeah.

What?

Table Mountain?

It's so

it's it's it is lit up at night.

Type it in at night, yeah.

Maclear's Beacon?

What?

No, you just had it.

Cape Town.

What?

Table Mountain.

Yeah, there it is.

Yeah, I guess maybe it was what it's called.

Maybe they named it.

It's like FedEx Mountain now.

USFNG Mountain.

Yeah, that's it.

Oh, look at it.

No, that's definitely it.

And there's like, it's lit up at night.

At night.

And you take that, and that's what I was going to say.

There's a gondola that goes up to the top of it.

Cool.

Ask me if I did it.

Jay, did you do it?

I did not.

Damn it.

I'll regret that one forever.

By the way,

this wasn't a trip not filled with adventure, by the way.

So that's one of the things I just didn't.

Hold on, Jay.

Sit in it for a second.

You'll never do it.

I'll never do it.

Yeah.

And you regret it.

I regret it.

Yeah.

Sit in it for 10 more seconds.

You know what, though?

What?

I didn't incit in it.

I won't sit in it, but no, but I'll tell you why.

Even reliving this, telling it, this is the most involved I've ever gotten in telling the story that they are looking at at night.

Which one?

Am I?

Green one.

It's just so cool.

What the fuck?

And that's just out my window

of the hotel.

And that's.

What the fuck?

What is this?

Table mountain, dude.

What are they projecting?

Green light.

Just for fun?

Yeah, just to make it look cool at night um mission accomplished and it was uh

that is that was at my window but i remember saying that was the first time i said it was relatively young in comedy you know in hindsight yeah

and i remember looking at the window and saying i was like wow man this is like insane i'm here because of telling dick jokes and by the way seven year in comedy dick joke you know i mean like not even like that long in it yet

so like you know i was blown away by that but you know i was saying this i wouldn't say it's a lost cause i say because

again

picking the right kind of travel, the most comfortable possible travel, if I had the money for it one day, to go back there and stay at Table Mountain, just for like a complete,

maybe do shows, but I'm saying more just to go like take Christine and go, like, yeah, we should go to the top of this mountain.

Because what I'll tell you here in a few minutes is like the stuff I saw out there was pretty wild.

Yeah.

Here's some reviews of the gondola on the tabletop mountain.

Please.

The cable car is amazingly smooth ride.

I was on an overly windy day, and

the rotating floor allows everyone to get a full.

Wow.

Wait, the floor rotates?

Wow.

Wow.

So you never get a bad seat.

Damn.

You can't be so high.

You can't even see.

That would be wicked.

Number one out of 14 things to do in Cape Town.

Number one.

Wow.

Wow.

Get out of here, Ads.

Number one.

Wow.

Look at that view.

You're that far up there.

Yeah.

It's nuts.

Easily the city's most recognizable landmark.

Table Mountain.

Flash.

It's one of the nine natural wonders.

That mountain.

Yeah.

Wow.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, that's what I was saying.

It's why it's such a thing.

It's like, it's one of the nine natural wonders of the world.

Wow.

And you watch it every night.

That view looks crazy

with the green on it.

It's crazy.

Yeah.

And I plugged in and I plugged in my Xbox and it worked.

Oh, no.

And I started, no, no, just this is good for this night, man.

Let me tell you.

I didn't play a lot of video games there at all.

Okay.

I'm just saying that first night I hooked up and it worked and I laid on that bed and I started playing Madden.

And it was just like, you got to remember, I've just been on a 26-hour middle flight.

It was a very miserable flight.

Yeah.

Very, very miserable.

Uncomfortable.

Also, plenty of time you're sitting there alone in a middle seat to think about the

shit that I've left in the wake back home.

Oh, yeah.

Nothing's resolved at home.

Nothing.

I'm just away from it now for three weeks.

And

so I go

to,

yeah, so I go back.

So I'm just enjoying.

I'm like, you know what?

I can get away from all this tonight.

Then the next day, like the bummer starts like setting in, like right away.

And this is what I will say about the whole thing is Todd Lynn,

for the remainder of this trip before you'll see what the change comes in this trip, but for the, for the first week and a half, two weeks of this trip,

100% of the days he would come into my room in the morning and knock on the door and be like, come on, man.

Let's go outside and walk around that open air market.

Let's go get breakfast, man.

Let's go.

Because you knew you were going through it.

Oh, yeah.

I told him the whole story.

And he was like, you're not just going to sit in the room and be fucking.

Wow.

Come on.

Let's go.

Let's go do something.

Just me and him.

Yeah, right.

As I was saying, you have these like moments that are like, it's like he's a real person there.

You're like, okay.

He's dropping the like, I'm this guy in comedy.

I'm the mean motherfucker everybody hates.

And just like, ah, shit, dude, that's a crazy situation.

And he's like, yeah, well, well, don't just do it.

You're going to kill yourself in a room.

He's like, don't just sit here and be depressed.

Like, come on.

I mean, good advice, though.

Oh, yeah.

Because also, you can't do shit about it.

You can't even call.

Can you even call?

Calling cards.

Wow.

So it's like, you can't really correct it.

It's just like, these might be your last days on earth.

You might as well enjoy it.

This is so great that this story, I don't know, I didn't even think about it when I said we would tell this story.

It ties in

to my

one of my stories in

the

really yeah

you'll remember how and i'll tell you when i get to the thing okay okay okay yeah yeah

good thing we told all this going on at home because that is important to this so um

and toddling yeah he takes me uh every night and we do uh

some crazy now here's what i thought uh just like uh just the stuff you see i mean you see like like like loose monkeys are just like in like like crossing the street when you're driving you know what i mean like it's pretty weird we're just you know know what?

Going, getting the food there.

Who's driving?

A driver.

The driver, yeah.

Now, funny you bring that up.

The first night of shows,

we all meet up in the lobby to get in the transport.

They're going to take us over to do the nasty show of this festival.

Names I remember,

Ben Norris is a comic from England, London.

He looked to me exactly like Chris Martin from Cold Play and dressed like him too.

He was out there really enjoying himself.

And I mean just like partying, you know, I mean like drinking and having fun.

Yeah.

Because

he had, and I don't know if he had them already or if he was going home to very shortly have triplets born.

And that's like, that's a lot.

Damn.

So I think he's both going back to the bottom.

He either just had them when he had it or she was going to give birth shortly after he gave back.

It was one of those two, I don't remember.

One of the most hilarious long-term things that came out of that to

insane, like like where he's at and what he's become, and where it was Jim Jeffries was out there.

But this is Jim Jeffries lived in London.

He had never been to America yet, ever.

He was an Australian comic that was making a little bit of

headway in London now.

Him and Steve Hughes, his best friend at the time.

And so I met Jim out there, and all of a sudden, the first night, We're all getting to know each other, shooting the shit, and having a good time talking in this transport.

It's a little bit of a drive to the venue, I remember.

And George is our driver.

George is a mild-mannered black guy, very sweet.

You know what I mean?

Over-laughy and less like, you know, happy-go-lucky guy.

And Todd.

Who?

The driver guy?

The driver, George.

Todd.

How do you remember his name?

Todd Lynn.

Three weeks of like talking to him every day.

Also, also, he's a very interesting guy.

Years ago.

He's a very interesting guy.

Yeah.

Because it was so many.

No, it was more than that.

It was fucking...

15, maybe?

13?

15 right.

It was right.

15 easy.

15 easy.

Wow.

It's wild.

So

I go, where was I?

I'm sorry.

Georgia driver.

Yeah, George Driver.

We're driving to the venue.

And while we're driving, Todd Lynn's in the back.

And I think I make a joke because Todd just ain't talking to nobody.

He's just like looking out the window and everyone's talking except Todd.

Yeah.

And Todd is the only black person.

Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

No,

Luis Gola.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that guy rules.

Yeah.

He's great.

That's why I've always stayed kind of like friendly with him, like when I see him and stuff.

You know him from South Africa?

Yeah.

Wow.

I know.

For Switzerland.

Yeah.

That's funny.

Yeah.

But so he was on there, too.

He didn't say anything about this either.

But Todd's in the back and I go, sorry, guys.

I go, Todd's.

He's just like the angry guy.

Like, I go, you'll get to love him in a day or two.

Like, you know, playfully.

Yeah.

And I think it was Jim Jeffries or something.

It was like, why are you,

why are you so angry?

I made,

or he goes, why am I angry?

Cause I'm a black man living in America.

That's why I'm mad.

And everybody in that transport got weirdly uncomfortable.

I didn't get uncomfortable.

I was uncomfortable more in how uncomfortable they got just thinking I was like, man, what a bad first impression.

Wait, wait, wait.

The whole ride, he was thinking about his blackness.

That's he was standing out the window thinking about his blackness the whole time.

Well, yeah, he cooking the whole time.

Yeah, and he had a meltdown in his head, and then he was like waiting for someone to say something.

He was like, I should be this.

I should do.

Yeah.

It's wild.

I'm a black man living in America.

That's why.

And then we stop at a gas station and George gets out.

This is South Africa.

George gets out.

Todd gets out and a couple other, I don't remember who.

But I remember it was like Jim Jeffries.

And that Ben Norris were both still in the car at me when I was like, when you got out, I was like, sorry about Todd, guys.

I'm genuinely like, he's an all right guy.

And they go, no, mate, it's just like

fucking weird to say, I'm angry because I'm a black man living in America when I'm like, George was like 11 years ago, was still technically like a slave.

It's like apartheid ended here 11 years

when we were there.

So you could do the math on, I guess, how old I was in that way.

It was 11 years removed from apartheid.

Wow.

So,

and I was like, oh, yeah.

I'm like, fuck, that's right.

I'm like, that's like.

It's so much worse.

1990.

So this was

2001.

Couldn't have been that early.

So they were wrong about how many years it was.

It was probably, this is probably 2007.

Oh, it went into effect?

Yeah, okay.

But whatever.

The point is, like, it was like, they were like, whatever, if it's under 100 years ago,

they remember.

They remember like.

It's like, I have it tough.

And you're like, shut the

fuck up.

Crazy.

Yeah.

So that was the first impression.

Are you out of your mind?

They They cut my finger off.

And George was also you're on a trip to South Africa.

And literally, George was the sweet, you know, I mean, he was like a guy that's like, and by the way, George was a guy, like

he would do, like, you can go, hey, George, if I also our money there at that time was fucking insane.

What do you mean, making?

No, no, we were making was fine.

Oh, that's 13 to one.

So, everything was cheap.

13 to 1 of our dollars.

Europe, the

quid, I guess, whatever you called it.

Europe.

Yeah, but that's what I liked.

The quid.

Jim Jeffries always called a quid.

Whatever that, that was like 20-something

to one.

It was wild.

So I started having like a good time in South Africa because I'm going to the

bar every night.

Down the pier, there was a bar and like me and Jim Jeffries would go, and you could become the hero of the bar because, and I mean this,

did this multiple times you buy a round for the bar

really

50 bucks what 50 bucks and you did it several times that's so cool you walk in and go that's so cool you go you know get around because some people would know we were the comics and stuff that was and so the few people that knew now you became like people were talking about you're like it's like get a here and you're like and you just go run the card because the card does the automatic transaction you just get like card response like i mean nights where we would go out and get hammered not buy a round for for the bar.

Yeah.

Like 13 bucks.

Wow.

It was crazy.

Really?

I thought it'd be like close to the same.

That's awesome.

It's, it's probably changed a thousand times over.

It's went at a good time.

Yeah.

Oh, so you're living like a fucking king.

To some degree.

Yeah.

You're like feeling good.

I'm not killing at any of the shows.

I don't remember the shows ever being great.

Whatchamacallit's murdering Jim Jeffries.

Todd Lynn's murdering because they loved it as a black guy, like giving him a little shit.

You know what I mean?

Oh, right um

Jim Jeffries his story to tell though got into a multiple-day

vendetta war with the captain of the

national cricket team Graham Smith

Graham Smith I want to say I didn't say it was his name still have this Graham Smith I want to say his name was well I'll tell you why because they asked me at one point they go when he was at the show the night, I was like, they're like, you should go down, like, get a photo op with Graham Smith.

And I was like, I don't know who it is.

And they were like, they go, no, no, no, you should go like, take this opportunity.

And I was like, okay, okay.

I was like, why?

But I don't want to go down there.

I feel like I'm a fool.

Like, what am I going down there to meet?

Good prank.

Should I give him like the, should I give him like the, you know, wow, nice to meet you.

Should I fake that I know him or something?

Yeah.

And they go, he's the captain of the national cricket team.

I was like, oh.

And they go, no, go take the picture because who's one of the producers of the festival?

They go,

yeah, cricket.

Anyway.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, look at that.

So, um, yep, that's him.

So they go, you should go take a picture of him.

He goes, it's like, it's like taking a picture with Barry Bonds in America.

And I went, well, that's not true.

And they go,

I go, yes, it is because you know who Barry Bonds is.

I don't know Graham Smith.

You've heard of baseball.

What the fuck's cricket?

There's no picture come up when you put this guy and you together.

So, yeah, I'm sure of it.

Absolutely.

Yeah, no way.

Yeah, I don't think I took the picture.

I don't think I went down.

Graham Smith, Big J O Christen.

So

that was an interesting thing down there.

And then so it's going on while I'm there.

I could actually tie this tie in.

Someone please make some sort of Photoshop of Big Jay's stats in cricket compared to Graham Smith's

Lifetimes.

Lifetime stats.

And here's where the tie-in comes to.

Here's where the tie-in you don't realize.

Here's where the tie-in comes to just not happening.

Oh.

Story.

So, again, this isn't like phones that have your email on it and blah, blah, blah.

Times.

This is flip phone using calling cards if you're calling home.

So I went to the internet cafe or whatever, you know, at the business center of the hotel because once in a while you could spend some money and use the internet.

Check your email.

Okay.

Oh, yeah, by the minute.

I checked my email at one point.

It's the girl.

The only thing I have is it's the girl who I was, you know, the other girl, the side girl,

telling me she just always so funny too.

Like, I think I probably showed that I was jealous one time that she like said she, I don't know if she said she thought Dove David off was funny or hot, whatever it was.

Yeah.

I'm sure I reacted jealous in some way.

And she was like, blah, blah, blah.

And by the way, I'm going to go fuck Dove David off or something like that.

And I was like, I never even asked him if that.

happened at all because like one he could go for it it's like not my business to intervene So, I thought the cool word thing was just like,

I'd hate that, but like, you know,

I fucked up with everybody.

So, like, sure, you know, whatever things you get back.

It's got delayed on the law right there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're going to what?

Um,

so I was like, oh,

maybe she did, maybe she didn't.

But, like,

there's that going on.

You imagine just getting some girl running angrily up to you.

It's like, oh, fuck you.

Like, I don't know what happened before this, but all right.

And then I get a calling card

and I call to check my messages.

I thought, you know, your phone messages that are stored up.

You submit a code and it would tell your messages.

And from this not happening, you have 19 messages.

Hmm.

First message, Wayne,

our buddy Wayne Rada,

saying that

he just flagged and is letting me know that there is an ad on Craigslist, Men Looking for Men.

With a naked picture of me, my dinger hanging out.

Tiny as all hell.

Fresh out of a shower.

Just sitting there

with my TV credits.

Like the few TV credits I had at the time.

I think up to that time, maybe the most was

Bad Boys a Comedy.

P.

Diddy.

Yeah.

Might have been the biggest thing.

Damn, there's no way it's up here anywhere.

What?

The picture.

No, Bobby says he thinks he has it on an old thing.

Well, if you recall, when that story ends, what I found out, so it was 19 messages.

First one was Wayne telling me

the next 18 were dudes, not 18 different dudes,

not 18 different dudes, but like several dudes calling back one of them.

Because I guess she's communicating with a few

and saying, like, he's like, because he's saying things like, well, how come you keep emailing with me?

You won't answer the phone when I call, Bear.

But they're hearing my voice when they call the voicemail.

So it seems real, you know?

Yeah.

So like,

so that's what I found.

And then what I found out later to tie it into the This Not Happening story was that

what Wayne did was he did get it flagged

before I even got a chance to see the ad or anything.

He did have it flagged.

But I found out the hard way that how he got it flagged was he informed all the big dogs in our circle of comedy, the Bobby Kelly, Patrice, Keith.

He told all of them to go flag it so it would get pulled down.

But everybody flagged it but they took a picture of it first and i said i'm pretty sure when patrice died

uh his computer still if you touched the mouse when it was asleep and it would the desktop computer it would uh it was a picture of me with my wiener out it sucked

but i always said to that girl yeah she never really got full revenge on me like there's no like she just made a person

for you there was no real thing she could have done to get back at me other than

me and Carla clearly like stayed together, got back together.

We worked it out.

We have a kid, blah, blah, blah.

Like there was no course of action.

So my thing, I've always even looked back on that.

I'm like, good.

If it was today, I'd probably sue her for revenge porn because the way that would circulate right now was

would be very, very fucking different, though.

I'm saying, like, that picture circulating.

Yeah.

You can't put on a naked picture of somebody anymore.

You know what I'm saying?

But it also back then.

How my team hurt.

That fucker ruled.

But back then, it would have gone.

I'm saying now it would have just been everywhere.

She put it on Craigslist.

It's like, you really are.

You really can't find it.

Yeah.

If you can, God bless you.

What are you going to do?

You know what I mean?

But like the point is, like,

yes.

But either way, like,

I look reflect back on it.

I was like, you know what, though?

For the timing.

Did you talk to her anymore?

No.

No.

For the time that it was, Artie Fouqua, one time when I was on stage, like a year or two later, also knowing what happened.

I mean, it was pretty public what happened in the comedy world.

It was like, cause everyone's like, oh, yeah, I guess Jay got caught with that side girlfriend finally.

You know what I mean?

Like, I mean, that was pretty obvious.

You know what I mean?

Something was going to happen.

And Artie Fuquo, when I was on stage one time, like, walked her in the club and he's like, he's like, Jay, look, look.

And I was like, okay.

I was like, hi,

how are you?

And she was just kind of like, hi.

And then awkwardly just left.

We didn't even talk after I got off stage.

But like,

she was already gone.

But like,

no, but she, I said, in the time, with the repercussions that it brought, which is basically basically just laughs to my friends and a couple of funny phone calls and a good story.

Handle it well.

It's, no, I'm just saying that she liked, yeah, I'm like, I deserve that one.

I deserved that level of punishment from it.

I don't deserve to have had that be all over the world.

You know what I mean?

Oh, right.

That picture like circulating forever.

Yeah.

It died where it died, so it's not a big deal.

But like,

so that.

So I got the gay things that I'm like, oh, no.

And I'm also talking to Carla back there and my grandmother, rest in peace.

My mom, I was talking to her at one point, and she wasn't like a wealthy lady at all, but she had like, you know, if anybody had like, you know, owned six figures of money, because my grandfather had like a wrongful death suit

when he died.

Like, so she had like, she wasn't a millionaire or anything, but like, she was able.

Yeah.

But he, uh, so she had like, you know, a couple dollars, enough to like, she lived very like meagrely too, you know what I mean?

She didn't live like big at all.

And so she was like,

you know, you and your, like, my ex-wife, like, you guys have to like figure something out because there's a kid.

You know what I mean?

There's Isabella, my daughter.

And like, you have to sort something.

You have to stay together.

My grandmother.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

And I was talking to her from, because she called me up to be.

It was funny because I was kind of like, and it makes sense.

I was almost in.

In Cape Town, she called you.

Yeah.

Wow.

I told her, like, you got to work.

Well, I was in the rhythm, if it makes sense.

Like, I remember being in the rhythm of like a week and a half or so, of like,

oh, you know, I don't have to deal with any of this.

Like, Carla doesn't really want to talk to me even.

So it's like, I don't have to talk to her.

You know what I mean?

Almost like, it was like a, I didn't like hook up or anything out there, but like, it's almost like pure escape.

How long were you there for?

Three weeks total.

Three weeks.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You escaped.

I mean, pure escapism.

So 100%.

A week and a half in.

I'm not even feeling depressed anymore because I'm just kind of like, well, this is life now for a year.

You know what I mean?

That's a whole nightmare going back to.

And I called my grandmother one day.

The first time I spoke to her was probably about a week and a half in.

And she,

when I just heard her voice, like at me, it was like, are you okay?

I think I just started crying.

You know what I mean?

I was like, I was like, oh, no, it's right.

Everything like home.

And also, like, I'm like, oh, my grandmother also knows.

So it's like, she knows what's happened.

So like my grandmother, who loves me and is like, you know, you're a great person always, it's just been, you know, has been informed also.

So she knows that like I'm not.

I've done the same thing my dad did and I've done the same, you know what I mean?

Like whatever this

cycle is, you know?

Oh, wow.

But she was just like,

but she was just like, no, well, you guys have to figure something out.

You do have a kid together.

You have a kid together and blah, blah, blah.

So she goes, if she wants to do it,

I'm going to fly

Carla, my ex, out there to South Africa?

South Africa.

You can't afford that.

I can't.

No.

My grandmother said, I'll do that.

Oh, to save her.

Fly her out there.

Damn, let's leave.

So you guys could at least, you're away from the world.

She goes, you get to solve this without everybody in your ears.

You know what I mean?

Like, just you and her can flush this out.

And when I called Carla, I was kind of like, Do you want to do this?

She was like, You know, I was like, You're coming out here.

They're like, Look, we have to be like civil immediately because we're sharing a room.

We're doing it, you know what I mean?

It's like, so this has to be discussed.

And, like, you know, we have to, so we talked a little bit on the phone leading up to it.

She came out when I saw her.

I was so thrilled to see her.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

It was just like.

Just a hugger.

I mean, like, last time I like saw her, she was like, you know, throwing a bucket out.

Yeah.

Wow.

She came out.

Yeah.

and uh

we had right out of the gates like

so for the last week she was there for the last week in south africa south africa and she came out and then for the first couple days this is all cape town pretty much and all cape town okay yeah so while she gets there i'm even more now like let's go do the things and then we drive through the township and we go to seal island which is uh the one place I think in the in the whole world where the sharks breach the waters to get the seals yeah

like the seals are just kind of on this little pad and like the sharks will jump out seal island it's called and we went there and looked at all that shit and like where they take the fresh fish out of the water and cut them up we went to a a dinner yeah

we went to a dinner uh at this fucking beautiful place

I mean, we ate, it was like carpaccio and all this like fucking like, it was like this crazy fish that comes on a thing and swords.

And, you know, they present the food and everything.

It was like 25 bucks total for us to eat there.

Because it's like, it's a couple hundred bucks or something.

You saw the sharks jump up and grab at seals?

No, we didn't see it happen.

We went on a whale watching trip.

Jim Jeffries and his girlfriend at the time came on that with us.

100% of the people on the boat.

besides me and the person driving yeah got seasick oh really i mean down for it and i was the only only person that was fine.

And there was no whales, just some penguins we saw.

That was kind of a bummer.

I was like, oh, I thought you could like, I was like, maybe we should have done the shark cage if we're going to do that.

You would have done the shark cage?

Probably.

It was too expensive.

I couldn't afford it is what it was also, though.

Even with the exchange rate, it was pretty expensive.

You would have done it?

I think so.

Get in a bathing suit and go in a fucking cage?

Sure, I think so.

I think that'd be something to see, man.

Like a shark coming at you.

They can't hurt you.

I guess, but except you see videos of them, they can.

Well, if I saw saw those videos i probably wouldn't do it it's it's the fucking if their feet could get through it's it's like kind of open and then then it'll get you yeah if you

put your foot down it goes through yeah yeah the whole

rails tighter you shouldn't be able to get a toe through why are the goddamn holes so big

mesh

so

we went to uh cape point where the two oceans uh

meet and you see it's almost like creates like it's it's pretty neat uh you walk up these like crazy old steps to get to it so we're seeing all this cool stuff we went to a real uh

street fair like we went like into like the township areas and bought like gifts for home like that i think were borderline illegal like we bought like like they weren't even that expensive because the exchange rate was good there and you could barter angelo sorakis you know who he is yeah that great guy yeah he was out there also and i met him out there he was doing a different he wasn't doing a nasty show he was just on the festival too and i became like

he was very friendly guy so we became friendly with him and he took us to the um yeah he's a nice guy yeah he took us to this place because he's been there a lot he travels like that a lot so he knew how to barter and like we got like for gifts for people and i'm broke at the time

multiple ivory chess boards with chess pieces ivory like illegal

uh i got like beckiona cool like a couple of those man like the wooden mask but you're just watching them make them like there yeah dude i love that kind of shit that was neat so i was able to we did all these cool things and then one night You got to get yourself a white swallow.

One night, like one of the last couple nights we were there,

you know, my ex was with me and we go to the bar.

I go, watch how cool this is.

So around for the whole bar.

And we get the bar and we're drinking.

We're having a good time.

And that good time

just devolved that night.

That's what I was telling you that night about.

Like we started talking about it, like drunkenly, which definitely shouldn't have happened.

And it just went insanely terrible.

And then, like I said, where that conversation went bad, it was like, are you ready to stop doing this?

And I was like, I don't think I am.

But I was like, but why don't we both?

We could do stuff together, maybe, and try some like wilder shit.

And then she was like, yeah, but like, I've quickly just discovered like she was just doing that sort of for me.

Do you know what I mean?

Like, she didn't, I don't think she was really into doing that.

You went from hell

to

vacation to a honeymoon.

Yeah.

Then to a, whatever, back to a breakup.

Yeah.

Back to life.

Oh, man, that was the other, like, talking about another guilt thing that laid on while I was out there.

Like, she worked at the comic strip at the time.

And the comic strip, like, she was going there upset as shit because of me.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like, it's me.

It's my fault.

This one's like, there's no, like, I can't put any of this on her.

Like, if she would have done this better, this would, you know, this is like all me.

And she's just bummed and sad at work.

And works also her social world.

Like, she knows all those girls forever.

They worked?

Comic strip at the time.

And they fucking fired her

almost in a way of like, well, we can't have her here like crying all the time.

And Jay's going to be working here.

And I was like,

so then I went to the club and I got shitty with the club.

Like I cursed the club out.

What are you doing?

Yeah, dude, it was so bad.

That doesn't help me to do that.

They brought her back, I think.

But it was just like a weird, like, it was all going so haywire.

But no, then we went home and it was like, look, it was definitely rocky.

And I said, and then it just like,

you know, years went by.

But I'm happy about what we did for sure together.

Well, I I think, is we raised our daughter.

You know what I mean?

Because that was that would have been the difference.

That would have been the difference.

But that would have been the difference of, what'd you say?

I think that's actually the only thing I think he did wrong.

He did wrong.

I think she came out rotten.

But what you, but what she,

because that was her as a baby and me as a kid.

You know what I mean?

Like, I'm 24.

She's one.

It's so retarded that you could actually have, get even into that situation.

So I'm saying,

so she's, she, Isabella was one,

and me and Carla were like in our super early 20s.

So that's, I'm saying it's a thing where like, uh,

you know, what that, how bad that was, I'm so happy like the time it bought Isabella having like her family like together and there, because that bought, I was 12 more years almost.

11, 11 more years that I was there until I left, which was still difficult when I left, but I'm saying she at least like, she had a child, like, you know, most of her school years was coming home to me getting her from the bus or her mom or whoever, you know what I mean?

Like, because South Africa.

Everyone was together.

Yeah.

It's safe.

South Africa.

It bought us 11 fucking years.

By the way, great years, some great years in there.

If not for the Black Uprising, not for the last time.

If it wasn't for the Black Uprising.

Yeah, then that wouldn't have happened.

It would have just stayed broken up and your daughter would have had a tougher upbringing.

Who knows what she'd be into now?

Who the Christ knows?

Look at these side effects of a great.

I remember in my Man Enough Depression,

me and Toddlin sitting in a room debating

calling calling prostitutes and then really having a come to jesus sitting there talking moment he goes wait i think this is where aids is from

let's not dance the most dangerous dance at hq you know what i mean aids hq

um

all right jay let's wrap this up hell yeah um

that was a great trip okay i mean it was a great trip i kept wanting to go like tell me more about south africa but this was the fun

it's really

what I was going through through that, and the things that, like, I said, going through that, going through that amazingly terrible time, and then, but also, like, you're going outside and day and watching a person, like, make these fucking dolls with, like, their children also, like, making them.

And, like, they're just cool.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

That was the first time I saw, I went, whatever, you could look this up.

Actually, look this up.

I'm curious to see.

Yeah.

What's it?

Fever pitch.

Is that the Jimmy Fallon?

Yeah, Fever Pitch.

With Drew Barrymore.

Look up what it was called in other countries.

It was

a different name.

The perfect catch.

Boom.

There it is.

That's what it was called out there.

I saw it in the thing.

I was like, wait, isn't this?

Because it just came out in the theaters, but I was like, wait, that's the Fallon and Drew Barrymore.

Like,

I go, it's not called that.

Do you know what Groundhog Day was called in Israel?

Uh-uh.

Because they don't have, in this, they don't have pitching.

So they're like, I don't know, make it about something else.

In Israel, they don't have the Groundhog Day.

Yeah.

I'll see you again tomorrow.

Really?

Yeah.

That's a better name.

It's not Patch.

It's not a better name.

Well, thanks for having me, man.

Yeah.

It's always so fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got any travel tips?

Travel tips.

The most mind-changing.

No, the dumbest about say, like,

have a lot of cords.

You need cords.

It's not bad.

Prep.

To me, it's prep.

It's the dumbest prep.

When I started going on tour buses even,

the most powerful guy was the guy that goes, oh, I have a cord for that.

Oh, I have the spray or a cream or a

bag.

If you get some plugs, it was like, let me just get one of those ahead of time so you're not stuck just have just a because by the way the first time i went to australia yeah i plugged my xbox 360 in and it it exploded

they have like a surge protector on that that popped and sparked and and made a little flame it was it was crazy

so prepared okay not bad i also asked people about like regrets or if you could tell anybody but i'll just read read these for you these are your regrets um

the cape town gondola this is a must if you're in cape town the view is extraordinary caps the ride is very fast out the mountain.

The other option is to hike.

We need more time and good physical condition to climb up.

The Cable Way is a very short ride at the top, but it's amazing up there.

Damn.

Yeah.

Damn.

There's a little food and drink restaurant at the top?

No.

Yeah.

Oh, wait, read more because is that what it says?

We plan to walk up to the top, whatever.

The beautiful views, the entire way up and still excellent opportunity.

There is.

There's a beautiful food.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, food and boot drink.

But I'll say also that Table Mountain Hotel, Table Bay Hotel is the only hotel I've I've ever seen that included in the thing where I said there's that breakfast buffet.

You can go back down.

There's like a 5 p.m.

like lunch one also.

That's like a full menu.

And it's just like if you're staying at the hotel, like

going to the house.

And by the way, it's a buffet, but also the menus, but it's included in your stay in the hotel.

Is that restaurant's part of your stay?

Wow.

It was the most amazing.

What they had the worst of in the world, TV.

Horrible, horrible.

They have their own channels.

Or bad channels.

Okay.

Channels.

They have have a prank show that was called the Sucker Squad, Sucker Squad.

And they do pranks that go nowhere.

And then they look at you and they point at a camera and call you a suckers.

So it would be like, it'd be like a guy walk up with a trench coat and go like, would you like to buy some tea?

And it's like tea bags.

And it's like, wait,

do I want to buy tea?

Would you like to buy some tea?

And they're like,

why would I buy tea off the street from you?

And they're like, suck ass.

And it wasn't ironic.

It was like, that was the comedy.

So, needless to say, they didn't get me there.

I ain't going to place on Satay.

That sounds fucking awesome.

All right.

Good one.

Go follow bigjoxoncomedy.com.

No.

Big J Comedy.

BigJComedy.com.

Go.

Special Dog Belly.

It's ours too.

If you're watching this, it'll be the same platform.

If you're listening, it's

on the internet.

Hell yeah.

Dog Belly, produced by Ari Shafir.

Produced by Arish Shafir.

I need a better credit.

Helped made by?

I say executive produced by.

Yeah, I know, but it's different, though.

No, but that's good.

That's like the Michael Bay.

Where the Michael Bay's name's before the movie almost.

Right, right.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe I'll get like first five minutes of specials from now on.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, get your drinks ready, watch this.

Well, what you really should do, which would be funny for your future production endeavors, is you should make an obnoxious,

do you know, family guys made fun of it before, but do you know like the like an ambla entertainment, like, has become eventually like the kid actually walks to the creek and sits on the thing and throws a fish around, and then it becomes ambla entertainment picture.

Like, you have to just like long, it's just like a day in the life of Ari, and then at the end, be like, and just like look at the camera last second, it's like, Shafir ink, you know, whatever.

It's like

five minutes.

It's like, oh, this wasn't a thing.

Yes, this isn't the show.

Oh, all right.

Well, guys, that was the episode.

That was very interesting.

That's the kind.

That is, I told next week's guest about this, this episode as a conversion of like, hey, it doesn't have to be just like places and foods and stuff like that.

It's be like, how did you get there and what did you legitimately do there?

The Jay getting to South Africa in this way and experiencing it this way is kind of what this podcast is about.

If you're going for like, oh, now I'll know what to do in South Africa, you're not going to get that.

It's not about that.

It's about his trip.

Today's episode is edited.

I think by Chris Larson did this one.

Could be Alan Caffey.

I think it's Chris Larson, though.

It's produced by your mom's house network.

It's a friend of mine who was so successful.

He started a whole network and so successfully give his degenerate friends who never buckle down an opportunity.

His name is Tom Segura.

He's Latino.

How come he hasn't done this show?

Will he be the final fat?

No, he's not fat anymore.

Sorry, Tom.

I know you wanted to do the last week of

Fat September, but you can't because you're not fat anymore.

You blew it.

You blew it.

You blew it.

While your friend who stayed fat blew a 1.2 on the Breathalizer when he got pulled over and he told the cops, hey, let me off the hook because I can get you free tickets to one of my arena shows.

Big J, don't forget, he's in Spokane, Poughkeepsie, St.

Louis, Buffalo, Oklahoma City, Austin, Louisville, Houston, Philadelphia, Providence, Palm Beach, Boston, and Cleveland.

Get tickets at bigjcomedy.com/slash live.

God, can you imagine getting caught cheating and then fucking leaving the fucking free world?

I mean, with no access.

What a time.

And just seeing him relive it.

Some of these guys have these stories that are like, it's like when Joey Diaz was talking about skiing, and I'm like, dude, I've known you for 20 plus years.

How have I never known you skied?

And not just you skied, but he was a bum, a ski bum.

Shane Gillis, nobody's heard that version of Spain from him.

And no one's heard this version of fucking Big J about South Africa.

It's a wild fucking tale.

My pre-sale, don't forget, we'll start.

Sign up.

Guys, subscribe to this podcast.

Do me a favor.

Subscribe to this podcast.

I'm going to keep talking while I go get one of the

postcards that I've gotten.

And I'm going to not read it here, but I'll read it there.

Yeah, I'm getting all these fucking postcards.

And I'm going to read them all in the fucking air.

I know this is unprofessional.

Oh, you know what?

I got some fucking money, too.

I got some money.

People send me all this shit, guys.

This is just the latest one.

You can send anything to Ub Trippin' 151 First Avenue.

Number one.

49, New York, New York, 10003.

This one's Thank You for Wrecking Sean Patton.

It's just a

Love Rocket S.

Amy.

I don't know.

It's Gettysburg.

I'm not going to do that one on the Patreon because Gettysburg's in America and I try to do foreign ones.

Actually, you know what?

I'll do stuff from fucking America too for stuff like Gettysburg.

You know what?

yeah this is iconic enough i'll decide later actually so i do these on the outros no i'm sorry i'm gonna do this on uh patreon patreon.com slash you be tripping let's see here let's get a good one

um

well tell you what stay

Hey, I watched the Greece episode.

On my way to Greece.

Yo, Ari.

Greetings from Florida.

Florida well okay I watched a Greece episode on my way to Greece it was awesome sorry I didn't buy a postcard there yeah what the fuck bro

I didn't know I'm from New York but live in St.

Pete Florida I saw you at Prospect Park once

from Veronica you'll be tripping 151 first avenue number 49 New York New York 10003 now guys send me postcards from out there in the world I've decided no this ain't going up and that one ain't going up I do appreciate it I'll put stickers on it that's nice.

Still not going up on the wall.

I have a whole wall you can see on the Ubi Tripping Patreon.

Have you guessed yet who the final fat is?

No, wait.

I thought I had.

I thought there was money in one.

Isn't there money in one of these?

Guys, this is too disorganized.

Jap Japan, the Japans.

Wow.

Japanese currency.

50 yen, 10,000.

Oh, this is badass.

Have so far.

I'd love this shirt.

This looks like a

second one.

Anyway, where is the money?

I want to put the money up on

there.

I'll tell you who next week is.

How about that?

How about I just fucking tell you?

Can't find it.

It's Stavros.

Stavros Hakias

going to Greece, of course.

And that was similar in a similar vein to this episode, where it's not so much the travel guide, which he actually was my travel guide in Greece when I went.

It's more experiential as shit for him.

Somebody send me money.

I really would like to start putting bills up.

It's not about the cash, by the way.

Yes,

yes,

Bank of Korea.

Oh, bad ass,

bad ass.

Oh, that's going on that wall.

Look at this fucking warrior dude.

Look at this fucking warrior dude.

Bank of Korea.

That is fucking cool.

Oh, that's going up on the wall there.

Okay, that'll be behind the guest's fucking head.

Java.

And a postcard from Java.

The Garden of East Java.

That's Indonesia.

I know where that is.

The land of eternal summer.

This is also cool.

Look at this fucking thing.

You be tripping.

151 First Avenue, number 49, New York, New York, 10003.

This warrants reading on the podcast.

Ooh, I want to fill up that whole fucking wall with bills from everywhere.

Especially places we've been, which means I got to get a Korea episode.

Is this north or south?

It's got to be south, right?

Who's been to South Korea?

Anybody?

Any comics been to South Korea?

Any big names been to South Korea?

Please let me know.

Oh, leave your fucking guest suggestions in the comments below.

They've really helped.

I'm trying to get John Ronson on.

A great writer and a fucking podcaster.

John, if you're listening, just we can bank it.

I'll put it out when when your book comes out.

Hope you get my Japan postcards with bills taped in between them.

Oh, same fucking dude.

The bills.

We got a Japan episode coming that I did in Romania.

Maybe that'll be soon.

I got to get Hamilton Morris, his episode out.

I got to get...

Julio Gallorati.

I got to get Rolf Potts.

Mark Agnon.

Soda's got another one coming.

We're getting some good ones.

Hope you get my Japan postcard.

26,824.

They send it weird.

Hope you get my Japan postcard with bills taped in between and an Indo postcard

together.

In between.

Tan, Indo postcard together.

Love's a bit rude.

I was a bit rude.

You were an inspiration.

Through your work,

jokies of this podcast.

What?

You were an inspiration through your work joke

and this podcast.

Jokes and this podcast.

Central Drava was a new experience with the Muslim call to prayer every a.m.

5 a.m.

every day with multiple

something a day.

Most of these are easier to read.

Derek.

I'm trying my best, buddy.

We went to a mass human puppet show in the Java at Museum Sonobuduyo, and it was an intimate

150-person room.

Performers had a live symphony.

Wow, that's fucking cool.

I've never been to Java.

I've been through Indonesia.

Been through Indonesia.

I'm looking at it right now.

Indonesia is this crazy island country.

And it's made up of a bunch of, they know the name of it.

It's like 170, and then now it's less.

Every kid in Indonesia learns how many islands there are.

And then the government, Jacobi, I think his name was.

That could be wrong.

That's crazy if I remember that.

Sold off a bunch.

to China.

So now there's a new number.

Every kid learned the same number.

Islands in Indonesia.

17,508 islands.

Ooh.

Indonesia is the largest country made only of islands, with previous census identified between 13,000 and 25,000 islands.

Some of the islands go away with the high tide and low tide.

17,508.

But I didn't go to Java.

I did not go to Java.

Damn.

I'd like to.

Because it's different.

I went to

started in on Bali, on Bali.

Let me get the map out real quick.

I'm not going to ask you guys to edit this, but if this were up one of the Patreons,

you'd have the map up on screen, you'd have everything on screen.

This is definitely going up on the fucking wall in the podcast room.

Indonesia.

Okay, so I started in

on Bali.

Let's see.

Pandong, Indonesia, Central Sulawesi.

Where's Bali?

Oh, damn, it's down there.

Okay.

Okay.

Started on Bali.

Where's Java?

Is Java to the left?

Yeah.

Java's a giant one to the left.

And that's where Jakarta is.

I avoided it.

Started on Bali.

Then I went to

Lombok, which...

Man, it's like to say it's my favorite.

Everyone was my favorite.

I had some great experiences in Lombok.

I fucking started a fire

over this fucking beautiful.

God damn, I should save this because it's so fucking great.

I mean, I'll do this on an episode when somebody interviews me about Indonesia.

And then

I took a 46-hour ferry.

I got

to fucking Flores.

I got hoodwinked.

I thought it was a fucking four-hour thing.

And it was 46 hours, a bus to a ferry to a long bus driving all the way through West Noosa, Tungura.

Finally, finally ending up on

Flores.

Where's Flores?

Flores there, right near Komodo.

And I saw Komodo Dragon.

God damn it, but never went to Java.

And each of these things are different because in Indonesia, it starts off really

Christian, I believe.

Then the Middle Islands are Hindu, and then it gets Muslim as you go further west.

so as you go further east I'm sorry as you go further east you cannot find this might be reversed you cannot find pork they won't do it so babaguling this like suckling pig so fucking good God Ari come with the names smoke weed in well two days

you couldn't get it on on on

on Flores

on

Lombok.

You could get it in Bali.

And I don't know about

over there in Java.

Anyway,

I had a live symphony of guys sitting criss-crossed with stunning women in traditional

centuries-old outfits.

Some rad masks.

Dude, this sounds fucking so cool.

What an experience.

I gotta get to Asia.

I gotta get back to Asia.

Fuck, it's like

I'm going through South America now, and it's like

I gotta get to Asia.

Dudes

barter for

princess with some comedic endobanter.

Dudes battle for the princess

with some comedic endobanter.

Couldn't understand a word,

but so worth it to stumble upon.

Love Derek.

Derek, buddy, this is a fucking great one.

This is going up on the fucking podcast wall, the Patreon wall.

This money will now be.

I gotta do the fucking warrior side, right?

It says it's a Bank of Korea on the other side, but nah, it doesn't matter.

That's gorgeous.

Smells not expensive.

Wait, that just reminded me of something.

Oh, the not knowing.

I was in Greece.

I went to an outdoor theater

and uh

couldn't find anything to watch and there was a there was a film noir

uh in french

and they had greek subtitles

still enjoyed it didn't understand a word another one i went to in uh on an island off um croatia outdoor theater outdoor theaters are fucking chill drink beers smoked smoke rollies

um

It was a cartoon about like ducks flying south and one duck they left behind.

What the fuck movie was that?

Anyway, it was in fucking Croatian because they just dubbed the whole thing.

So it's not even subtitles.

Let's see if I see it.

Migration?

Yeah, maybe.

Migration.

I wouldn't know.

Saw it out there, and it was fucking great.

Go to shit, guys.

Go to shit you don't understand.

You don't have to know the words.

You're just experiencing the shit.

Anyway, that's the episode.

Please hit subscribe.

Chris, sorry for the late fucking extra work to do.

Shit, it's Thursday.

I gotta upload this shit right now so you can get it done by Friday so we can go out on Monday.

This podcast is going great.

People ask how your podcast is doing, they want to know about numbers or ads, but it's not about that, it's about how fun it is, and it is fun.

And now I gotta go do, I'm gonna go record a fucking Patreon right now because I'm so fucking juiced off this shit.

Patreon.com/slash you be chipping, guys.

Until next week, with Stavi Bebe,

going to Greece.

I'll see you next week.

week.