Catfights Make The WNBA Interesting | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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100%.

Bertrand Thomas.

This is our last episode.

before the fans get what they want, which is new hosts.

And

we're going to go make

magic.

You're going to make a television show.

I'm going to make a movie.

And

yeah, I'm going to miss you, man.

You're going to be in Atlanta with

a whole crew of people.

You're going to have new friends and you're going to get to know a city like

you've never known it before.

I mean, you think you know Atlanta, but not the way you're going to know it now.

You're going to give me all the.

Magic City has the best wings in the world.

Magic City, you're going to know Magic City real well.

You're going to start telling me where to go.

Get my, I got all my friends live in Atlanta.

Do they?

Yep.

All my old friends live in Atlanta are white.

All my new friends that live in Atlanta are black.

Yeah.

You know, his house I went to the other day?

Who?

T.

Payne's.

Where?

Here?

In Atlanta.

In Atlanta.

I went and did his podcast.

Did you really, dude?

Yeah.

I'll just say, me and you have some money, but we don't have T-Payne money.

I'm a huge fan of T-Pain.

Dude, T-Payne,

T-Payne's house is

astounding.

Yeah.

I wish I had taken pictures around it.

I would love to show it to you.

It's first of all, it's in Atlanta.

I would say,

you know, for the money.

Oh, are you just pulling it up?

Oh, okay.

Never mind.

That's his house.

Damn.

It is.

Yeah, that's his house.

Jesus Christ, that is his house.

Holy shit.

So, okay, do you see that?

Hang on.

Stop, stop, stop in the middle.

Stop in the middle.

Go up right there, right there.

Yeah.

So I pulled in right there and between, pulled around and then into where those two things.

Yeah.

Tom,

15 cars.

Yeah.

Up on risers.

Fucking a donk.

He's got fucking race cars.

He's got, he's got a wraith.

He's got every car.

It's so fucking amazing.

And then, and here's the deal.

This house was built by like a clear,

by the way, Payne, I hope you appreciate what I'm going to say and I hope it doesn't come off sideways.

This was built by just rich white people, right?

Some guy, no one builds a house for a rapper.

Right.

They build a house for a rich white family.

And you walk in and T-Payne.

He is.

It is.

It is.

Tommy,

it's like the funnest fucking house you've ever been to.

You like walk in, you're like, this is very nice.

It's beautiful.

It's gorgeous.

And then they're like, basically, they're like, come on.

And then they pull a fucking book and the doorcase opens and you're like, what the fuck am I experiencing?

And then you go into what was once, I'm sure, a billiards, smoking,

game room.

It looks like you're in Tron and there's stripper poles everywhere.

There's TVs on those sides.

And I go, those TVs?

They go, click, click.

Now they're windows.

And you're looking outside.

They have cameras on the outside.

It's so funny.

And he's a big Twitch streamer, too, right?

He loves to.

His podcast setup, I told him, I said, I've been to the best podcast setups in the world.

Nothing compares to him.

We do a podcast, and it's the funnest podcast I've done in a very long time.

Because, you know, my head, I was in production mode the whole time when I was in Atlanta.

And so all of a sudden I get a night off where it's like, we go out there at seven.

Black dudes always have podcasts at seven o'clock at night.

Yeah.

No black guy does like a noon podcast.

Yeah.

It's like you go 85 South.

They're like, show up around 11.45.

You're like, are we doing an overnight?

Go out to T-Pains at like 7.45.

They have it catered, right?

They have a whole dinner catered.

Everyone's around.

There's like 15 people just hanging around.

Cocktails.

His wife Amber made me the best fucking Porosos cocktail I've ever had.

It was incrazy.

Have you ever heard him sing, sing?

Yeah.

Hold on.

This guy, he can really sing.

Nobody knew this, I think, for a long time.

It was all like, oh, they, because everybody was like, he's doing the, you know, the, what's it called?

The

auto-tune stuff that he had like some big hits with it.

And then like you hear him actually on stage singing.

You're like, so, yo.

Let me, hold on, hit pause.

Just let me tell the story.

So I got the, I found a water pit, Kyle.

Thank you.

So

I'm going to, I'm trying to figure out the right place to tell this.

I told this on his podcast.

So

the podcast is amazing.

It's got two guest hosts.

It's really fun.

And we have drinks.

We didn't end up doing five hours.

And it was fucking awesome.

Stick around, Kyle.

Do not leave.

And

then he pulls out.

This is why I bring this up.

He pulls out

five hours.

Five hours.

Five hours.

And by the way, his night hadn't even started.

It's now three in the morning.

And he's like, you want to hear some beats?

And we're like, okay.

And they are simply the best beats you've ever heard.

And it's, what was it?

Like, it was, it was Jamaican dubstep.

And he was, he's like, I'm fucking with dubstep right now.

And he was just, and Kyle is like, he's like, I don't want to leave.

I go, we got to go to work at fucking 10 in the morning.

It's three in the morning.

And he's just started his workday.

The podcast would have been like his, his afternoon thing.

This is his, this is him going to work.

Yeah.

Dude, it was so fucking fun.

But to talk about, you have to do it.

You have to do it.

I'm so joking.

I called Cody Rhodes that night.

I was like, Cody, you got to do it.

It's funny shit.

It's hysterical.

And we did it on Juneteenth.

So we were celebrating.

Sure, for both sides.

Yeah.

And so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So

this is the thing you talk about singing.

Now,

everyone's got their own version of where they were when Babe Roth hit the home run.

You know, everyone's got their version of that.

But when T-Pain came to do,

t-pain came to do uh go big show

we had we talked about this on the podcast the very end of the podcast or the very end of the

go big show we got karaoke we we did our rap party like two days before the actual last day i think they did it because they knew no one could test positive for covid we all tested positive for we all had covet we all had covet Everyone that was on the show got COVID at this rap party.

Yeah.

And Payne's there.

And he had, and the reason I bring this up is on the thing, he he had a

hard ice,

hard seltzer, whatever those are, hard seltzer.

And he had one, and I had never had one before until that rap party.

And I drank 10 of them, and I got sicker than I've ever been.

It was COVID, we found out.

And he was like, I love these, I love these.

And we were doing karaoke.

Now, all anyone knew him was for auto-tune.

Yeah.

And we were like, yo, Payne, go up and sing.

And he's like, man, I can't sing.

That's my whole thing.

I can't sing.

I'm auto-tune.

And we're like, just sing.

This is a whole casting crew.

I'm sitting next to Cody Rhodes and Rosario Dawson and T-Pain goes up, no auto-tune, and bangs out warp.

Generals gathered in their masses.

And we are sitting there like, holy fuck, he can sing.

Now you cut to what he's doing today.

And he's singing.

I'm not saying we were there at ground zero.

We were there the first day.

But man, we witnessed what we would call our ground zero.

Yeah.

And now he's killing, and he looks amazing.

Look at how skinny he is.

Yeah, it looks great.

No, No, he's really talented, man.

He's beyond talented, and he's the sweetest guy in the fucking world.

Yeah, no, awesome.

I'm a fan, dude.

Set me up.

I want to do it.

Oh, it's so...

But his cars, you would geek out just over his cars alone.

And his hall, like, it's, dude, by the way,

I was on the first floor of what I think is a four-story mansion.

Yeah.

I mean, it's crazy.

And it's like, do you know when you stand in like a, like, like, I got a nice house, but if you stand in different certain parts of my house, you're like, okay.

Yeah.

But like, if you, when you go to a rich person's house and everything sounds like, feels like it's dug into the ground.

Yeah.

Everything's really solid.

No doors squeak and nothing.

Dude.

Cool.

Amber made us the coolest.

I'm going to find out the cocktail.

I'm going to post it.

I'll text Payne right now.

He's the sweetest guy.

You know, he's a guy.

He's like me and you, where he can't stop working.

Yeah.

He has to work.

He has to do something.

Or he,

hey, can you get Amber to text me that recipe for the Porosos drink?

It was fucking incredible.

Also, you have to get Tom Sugura on your podcast.

Do you realize you forget how many fucking bangers he has?

Yeah.

Like straight bangers.

Yeah, he's put out hits, man.

Yeah, he's put out big hits.

No, that's all.

I mean, that's fucking awesome, man.

I also love that it's like a, it's almost like a rebirth of an artist in a way, too, even though like he didn't, you know, stop, I'm saying, but like to see that somebody has this other side, it's very cool.

He's, you know, what's interesting about him is he is authentically a unique individual, meaning like

he's not, he's never who you think he is.

Like

I find him so fascinating because he's not

one thing.

Like he is the exact reason you can't judge a book by its cover because he's so into so many different things.

And, like, he's just a real curious brain.

I fucking love him.

That's awesome, man.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

Did you can I tell you, okay, two things.

I have a bunch of things I want to talk to you about.

Have you watched the SAC Exchange?

The SAC Exchange?

On ESPN 30 for 30.

Which one is that?

Do you remember when we were kids?

Mark Gastono,

Joe Kleco.

Yes, I

this is um

I know what this is because he is like super pissed that his sack record got

taken by Strayhan, I think.

And Favre was involved.

Favre kind of took a knee.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I gave it to him.

And I hugged him.

Yeah.

And you're like.

And he would, but he's so.

Did you see the video of him approaching Brett Favre?

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah.

I mean, he's like, you really hurt me, man.

You hurt me.

No, Brett, you hurt me.

Yeah.

And he's like, yeah, no,

he's like, Oh, okay.

Brett Farv's like, I don't know if you know about me.

Did you watch The Fav Doc?

Okay.

All right.

Can you, can you still love your heroes?

Because he was a hero of mine.

Well, he was a hero to a lot of people.

I mean, he was kind of like,

I would say he was the NFL's most beloved

player for kind of a generation because he had that,

you know, he had that accessible

persona and background.

We're like, he's a Mississippi boy, and he's not, you know, I think there was another guy there who was like, yeah, it was like year three.

He's like, what's cover two?

And they're like, what?

Like, he didn't know anything about, you know, I mean, he's not like the by the book guy.

He was the guy who just like showed up gunslinger, right?

Just that's why we love Baker.

Yeah.

That's why we love Johnny Menzel.

Yeah, these guys are just like, and like

white quarterbacks can be like Brady and dialed in or they can be like these like a Steve Young.

Yeah, just gunslinger.

And like Favre, you know, extending plays, like magic, magic happens, you know, like it was, it felt like this magical thing.

And he was just like this,

not even quite all shucks, but just like,

you know,

you would think.

You would think when you watched Favre play that if football paid $30,000 a year, that's what he'd be doing anyway.

You know what I mean?

Like

you couldn't even tell

he was this multi-millionaire guy, and like you couldn't, you just none of it really seemed to phase him.

And so people were just like in love with this guy.

And

like the stories in that doc are like, I mean, honestly, like the what feels like I think the worst

is the last bit about like taking

money that is earmarked for the poorest of the poor in Mississippi.

And you're seeing the texts like, hey, they're not going to find out about me getting this money, right?

And then you're like, and then he's like, ah, that wasn't, I didn't mean it like that.

And you're like, wait, how did you mean it?

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How much money do you think he has?

That's what's crazy.

These football players don't have the kind of money you think they have.

And then you look at T-Payne, he's got more money than you ever think he's going to have.

Well, I don't, I really don't know.

I mean.

Because he's doing copper tone commercials, copper thing commercials.

Yeah.

But this, these.

Worth $100 million?

Why the fuck is he doing a copper?

Well, there's a couple of things about that.

First of all, one thing you can figure out if you go to these net worth sites, it's just somebody going, I think this is what they're worth.

There is like this, whoever wrote that does not have access to Brett Favre's financials.

And they don't have anybody's.

I would look at mine and I was like, that's not right.

And I was like, yeah, but who?

They don't know.

They'll just cite things.

They'll be like, he gets this much per show or per, you know, they don't know.

They don't know.

So they're making it up.

You have no idea, really, what he has.

He signed a 10-year contract extension around $100 million.

In 01.

In 01.

And by the way, you got to figure.

So he keeps,

what do you sign?

If you sign for $100 million, what do you keep?

$25 million?

No, no.

But, well, first of all, with the NFL, it's always about what's guaranteed.

It's not like baseball and basketball where it's all guaranteed.

NFL, there's the contract, and then what's the guaranteed amount?

Because very few people play out their contracts in the NFL.

Right.

So you can see a contract where someone is signed for, you know, three years,

$77 million, and then there'll be like $34 million guaranteed.

Well, he's for sure getting the 34.

And then if he fills out the whole contract.

Yes, but a lot of people.

So that's why John Sally, when he played, I think he played for the Lakers, right?

John Sally, at the end of his career, played for the Lakers.

Possibly.

And he had, or Clippers maybe, but he had like a $125 million guaranteed contract.

And he was on Fox Sports, but still getting paid.

NBA is wild.

NBA is insane.

They, um,

so

his career earnings, so what he actually earned in the NFL is 141, it looks like.

That's spread across, you know, four different franchises.

Crazy amount of money.

Ton of money.

Yeah.

And that's not endorsements.

That's, that's like his.

And there's an endorsement like Campbell's soup.

He was endorsed by everybody for a while.

Yeah.

And why is he doing that copper?

Because there comes a point, I think, even when you made money like that, where he's probably like sitting around.

He's 45 or something, and they're like, Yeah, you have no income.

Here's an offer to do this.

Like, yeah, it'd be nice to have something coming in because you don't know at that point, it's everything's going out, you know?

God, that's crazy.

Yeah, it's

took money from underprivileged people.

Well,

allegedly, allegedly, yeah, I mean, allegedly, I don't know.

I don't know what's been proven.

I'm saying, like, in the doc, they kind of show you that

it seemed like a pretty

corrupt type of story, but because it involved like multiple levels, yeah, of yeah, I mean, I think the governor's office was involved, and yeah, it is a crazy story, but it was one of those stories where you would love to have Brett Farvon to defend that.

I know you can't, but I would love to hear him on a podcast to defend it.

Yeah,

yeah, look, he had a guarantee there for 101.

Jesus Christ, are these all his earnings?

I don't know.

Drank olive oil for seven days.

Yeah, damn, he played for 16 years in Green Bay.

Dude.

It's a long time.

So they were talking, I'm watching all the docs on 30 for 30.

Yeah.

The best one, fucking an hour and 45 minutes, 2001 Ravens.

Is that when they won the Super Bowl?

2001 Ravens.

What a crazy fucking team.

Shannon Sharp.

Fucking my guy,

Goose.

Yeah.

Like one of my favorite human beings I've ever worked with, I've ever known.

One of my favorite guys,

he worked at Scripps for DIY.

Okay.

He gave me my man cave.

He did?

He gave me my man cave.

He gave me my man cave and he and he and he gave me extra.

His man, my man cave, he gave me $186,000 worth of man cave.

Wow.

And then he told me why.

Why?

Pulled me into his fucking thing and he goes, we tried working with some of the other travel channel fucking people.

They're all fucking difficult.

You're not difficult.

You're one of us.

So all the money we have for all three of them, we're giving it all to you.

That's awesome.

You get all of it.

$186,000.

You're my guy, Bert.

And I was like, thanks, Goose.

That's awesome.

And then, and then,

and then, you know,

if I've ever flown private, it's Goose's

charter.

Oh, right, right.

He started

Titan Aviation.

Shout out to Dirk, but that's Goose.

That's Goose.

All his children work for them.

It's like in a weird way of if you ever fly, you know, fly in private is expensive, but I don't mind knowing Goose's kids get it.

Yeah.

You know, but Goose is, and you forget what a fucking star he was.

Oh, yeah.

What was a fucking personality?

And this documentary, they brought the whole, not the majority of the team back.

Ray.

Ray Lewis.

Ray Lewis.

Ed Reid was on that team.

Rod Woodson.

Yeah.

Trent Dilfer.

Yeah.

Jamal Lewis.

Smoking.

Dude, they had just lost Ray Rice.

Jamal Lewis had a 2,000-yard rushing season, and they found out he was chain smoking.

It's insane.

They're 30 for 30.

Their hard knocks was the best hard knocks that they ever knew.

I remember that hard knocks.

That was the best hard knocks there ever was.

Yeah.

And that documentary is amazing, and they filmed that documentary.

Peter Bulware was on that team.

Peter Bullware was on that team.

They filmed that documentary right two months before Goose died.

Really?

Yeah.

He died two months later.

What is he?

Did he die of heart attack?

Heart attack, yeah.

55 years old.

And they asked him, Tommy, they asked him, what do you want on your tombstone?

They ask him that in the documentary?

In the documentary, they're like, what do you want on your tombstone?

And he said, he goes, you know what, my tombstone?

I want a fucking highlight reel.

I want them being like, hey, my name is Tony Saragusa.

I like spaghetti.

I like hanging out with my friends.

I like playing football.

And then he goes, I want a TV.

See what's on Goose's Tombstone.

I think the thing on his tombstone is pretty fucking epic.

Really?

I think.

Type in Goose's Tombstone.

Goose was the greatest guy.

So we're sitting at upfronts, Tom.

Yeah.

And Goose does not fit in at all.

He doesn't fit in the chairs.

We're in a fucking theater.

And it's like,

type in his, what is written on his tombstone.

Is that it?

Anyway,

he's sitting there.

I'm sitting next to it to, I'm sitting next to Andrew Zimmern.

Andrew Zimmern used to have bizarre food

where he'd eat like Cal Tesco.

Yeah.

And

Goose was like, you know, he reminded me a lot of Patrice.

He reminded me a lot of, he reminds me a lot of Shane, just like a bully.

Like, just like a fucking big bully.

Yeah.

And Goose starts going, Bert,

Bert.

I was like, what's up?

He's like,

the guy next to you eats balls.

I go, I know.

And he goes, no, no, no.

Tell him this whole role knows that he eats balls.

I go, yeah.

And he goes, hey, tell him to turn around.

I want him to see the look on my face when I tell him he eats balls.

I go, hey, Andrew.

I think he goes, he goes, I can hear him.

I go, Tony Sarah Goose who wants to talk to you.

And he goes, and he turns around and he goes, well, hello, Anthony.

And Tony goes, hey, I've seen you eat balls before.

It was, he was.

That's like middle school shit that he was doing to him.

When he did my man cave, when he did my man cave, he had a trailer.

They had a trailer for him in front of my house.

It was Goose's trailer.

I'll be very candid.

I love Goose.

He was maybe there.

for the construction for a total of 30 minutes.

Okay.

He was not a hands-on guy.

Jason did the majority of the lifting and their crew.

Goose did it.

He would show up, film a scene, and he'd leave.

Yeah, sometimes he'd show up early, smoke weed,

and you couldn't get him out of his trailer.

Then he'd film a scene and leave.

But he'd been in the trailer.

He had a trailer.

So he comes.

I'm doing work.

And then one of the PAs is like, hey,

Goose wants you in the trailer.

And I was like, okay.

And they're like, they're just so you know, they're like drinking and smoking beer.

And I had the day off.

I was like, cool.

So I walk in the trailer and it's Goose

fucking smoking and drinking.

And hands me the joint and I hit it and I hand it to the guy next to me and it's Kato Kalen.

Kato?

They were really close.

He's sitting with Kato Kalen.

You're Kato Kalen.

He goes, yeah, I know.

I was like, what's up, man?

And he's like, I'm Friends of Goose.

And I was like, oh, cool.

Just the weirdest.

Yeah.

But yeah, that fucking dock is so good.

But Trent Dilfer says in that dock, he goes, I respect

Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers.

They're great guys, but they couldn't do what I did.

And he goes, if they played when I played, they wouldn't be who they are today.

Because apparently, so many rules changed.

Oh, I see what he means.

Yeah.

I mean, so many rules changed, I guess, in hitting the quarterback and when you could.

I mean, part of the reason not to say that your team wasn't great, Kyle, because Kyle's from Baltimore or whatever you say.

Boldimer, Boldimer.

Balmer.

Boldimer.

He's from Baltimore.

I'll be hitting up Baltimore on my Permission to Party World Tour this fall.

Anyway, one of the big plays was they're playing the Raiders and Goose sack goes to sack a guy and then falls on him again and like crushes his rib cage yeah and they're like dude

goose even this is how much i love this guy he says you got to watch the doc it's so good

phil sims comes after goose on air and he's like that's illegal he should be fined he should be this is crazy that's an illegal play and goose watches it and he goes this fucking cocksucker nfl calls monday and they fine goose ten thousand dollars because of that because of that and goose is like, fuck Phil Sims.

Fuck Phil Sims.

He grew up in Jersey.

I grew up in Jersey.

I'm going to get in his fucking face.

So they go to do a pre-thing for the Super Bowl.

And fucking Goose goes up to Phil Sims.

He goes, hey, cocksucker, you owe me $10,000.

I know where you live.

You just put in new landscaping.

When you come home and it's all dug up, I want you to know it's in my fucking house.

You're like, what a fucking great fucking legendary band.

That's awesome.

Oh.

Yeah, his kids are great too he's a great guy but that's a cool doc but yeah he was fun to watch man i mean he was fun to watch just because honestly you'd watch him play but then watching him do like a an interview was so much more entertaining like those guys were so fun to watch that that squad was unbelievable man it's like does it does do we have that in football anymore what like did football change so much I mean it's changed a lot.

It's kind of a little more corporate.

A lot more.

Yeah.

yeah i missed those days yeah because it was used to be like or is it because we were children i think that plays a role in it but it did used to be just all about the game and i think it has evolved into just such a brand and you know i mean like it's just it's so massive nfl is massive as i'm saying not just like popularity but like as a corporation and yeah there are a lot of rules you know it's like

it's it's fucking Coca-Cola.

Like it's a company like that, you know, it's a Fortune 500 massive company.

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It's like, you know what The WNBA is doing right?

The WNBA?

What?

They're letting these bitches fight.

That's cool.

These cat fights are making this game really interesting.

I know.

It's almost like 1970s basketball NBA.

Right.

Like, it's, it's,

have you seen, like, like, I, I don't like, I, I'm just going to be just, so I'm saying this out loud.

I don't like

them pitting Caitlin against the Angel Clark girl, Angel Reese.

I don't like the, I don't like the racial bullshit.

Yeah.

Cause it's not there.

Like, I don't like when the internet does that.

I don't enjoy that.

But man,

Caitlin Clark is so much better than everybody.

She's great.

She's a great, great shooter.

Look at that.

Poke in the eye, right?

Then push.

Then push down to the ground.

And then hang on.

Do you see what happens after this?

Is it Sophie Chan fucking tackles that bitch?

Type in the next play, the next play, girl goes up for a layup.

Sophie Chan just fucking wraps her arm around her head and takes her to the the fucking ground.

Oh, then that like skirmish blue.

Yes, that makes the I watched a WNBA game the other day.

Yeah, I chose it over a professional baseball game.

Yeah, and the and the Phillies were wearing something wild, and I wanted to see what they were wearing, but I was like, it's the fever, man.

The fever's got Sophie Chan, who, by the way, have you seen what she looks like?

No, pull up Sophie Chan, pull up Sophie Chan.

Holy fucking Cunningham, whatever.

Sophie Chan's her Instagram.

That's all I follow her on.

Take, go to Sophie.

Go to her.

Look at Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

Go to her Instagram.

How tall is she?

She's got to be 6'2 ⁇ .

Is she?

Yeah.

No, go to her height.

No one gives a fuck about her height.

No one gives a fuck about her height.

I just asked.

I just care about her Instagram.

Wait till you see her fucking Instagram.

Really?

Oh, buddy.

Okay.

Look at her outfits she shows up to game day in.

Shit.

Right?

Yeah.

She's fucking stunning.

And here's the other thing that's great about these.

All these WNBA players, do you know what the one thing they have in common?

What?

They had great relationships with their dads.

That's why they play basketball.

They were trying to connect with their dads.

Oh, yeah.

That's the only reason they're into sports is their dads.

No one's a fucking WNBA player who just had a mom.

Unlike the NBA, it's just they had moms.

And then they, you know.

Yeah.

And then I get it.

All these fucking WNBA players, they all had great relationships with their dads.

Their dads are active fucking games.

Who do you think taught them how to play basketball?

She's smoking, man.

Dude, she's insanely beautiful.

Yeah.

And by the way, baller also.

Yeah.

Now, all you're going to see on Caitlin is all her highlights.

And Caitlin, I mean, Caitlin's got crazy highlights, like literally fucking five dribbles just outside the half court and shoots a three.

Yeah, it's up.

And you're like, what the?

Her dad must be amazing.

Pull up Caitlin Cart's dad.

I bet this guy's fucking, I bet he's so, what he's from Iowa?

Yeah.

I bet

Brent Clark, vice president at a product company, him and his wife, still married, maternal grandmother, fucking football coach, Mr.

Struderman, Catholic high school.

Give me a picture of this fucking guy.

Look at him.

Look at him.

Look at him.

Fucking dude.

That guy showed up every day and was like, Caitlin, let's work on bounce passes.

Caitlin, three points.

You got a girl.

I gotta be.

He has a cute nickname for her.

Hey, Sea Dog.

Here we go.

Sea Dog.

Fucking Caitlin's dad.

If you're a man listening to this, you need to realize you need to be fuck Tiger's dad.

You need to be Caitlin Clark's dad.

Right.

Caitlin Clark's dad took fucking.

She must have had brothers, too, right?

Does she have brothers?

Has to.

I would bet my fucking house on it that she has a brother who's that's like, you know, that's the Reggie Miller formula.

Reggie Miller.

Right.

His sister was 10 times better basketball player than Cheryl.

Cheryl Miller.

Yes.

She's an unbelievable.

Are those her brothers?

I don't know.

If they are, those are the two that beat the shit out of her for probably for a while.

They fouled the fuck out of her, and then she'd go sit on the table.

Includes her parents, two brothers.

Blake and Colin.

Blake and Colin would foul the fuck out of Caitlin.

She played football for Iowa State.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah.

And her younger, oh, she had a younger brother, too.

They would foul the fuck, and she would come inside, and she'd be crying in their modest house on the farm in Iowa, and playing in a dirt patch with just a stick and a hoop no backboard and he'd and he'd foul her and Caitlin would come in and go mama I need a glass of milk and she'd go Caitlin yeah you go downstairs and you talk to Pa and Pa would come yeah that was nuts right there but just that one shot was this right she's just

yeah

that's that's having like you would think that that's somebody's just one like heave it up but she knew that was going in

you could tell the way she ran from that she knew it was going in

She just, yeah.

Like, what is it that makes her better than everyone else?

Oh, she's an incredible shooter, man.

But, I mean, what is that?

Is that just

somebody who fucking probably shot more than anybody growing up?

I mean, she has like Steph Curry vibes, you know?

Like, he's the best shooter we've ever seen in the NBA.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, but she can facilitate too, man.

She's,

she is a super.

Where is this Sophie from?

where is she from sophie coming cunningham i don't know but i i was already following her so she had to have played basketball at a college i performed at let's hit that wiki

missouri huh nope i did not play there okay they were both her parents were both student athletes at mizzo chim black belt and taekwondo at age six that's fucking father and ration yeah that's a great dad hey honey do you want to go get ice cream well you got to get a black belt.

Holy shit.

This is girl dad energy.

You know who's going to have two pro athletes?

Taylor LaWan and Will Compton.

Yeah.

Because you know they're going to be active as fuck.

Me.

I phoned it in with my daughters.

They quit softball at fucking 13.

Yeah.

I just couldn't do it.

I had a career.

It was my life, not their life.

I was this main star.

Yeah.

You know, fucking focused on your softball career.

How were they at softball?

Georgia was leading the state in base hits.

Maybe the county, maybe the county, leading the county in base hits going into COVID, and she quit.

Just didn't like it.

She hated it.

Oh, here's that thing you wanted.

This is it.

Yeah, look at this.

Yeah.

That's awesome.

You got to play it again.

I want to see the tackle.

Look at the tackle watches.

And you're going down with me, bitch.

And there's no color in it.

It's just two white chicks giving fucking mad dog energy.

Yeah.

I wonder if they say shit like, oh, fuck your boyfriend.

You know your boyfriend watches me more than fuck you.

Look at this.

Nice.

I love it.

Dude, more of this shit.

Yeah, it's cool.

More of them fucking each other up.

Yeah, this always goes back to the whole thing of like, well, this is why hockey is amazing because you just, fighting is part of it.

Yeah.

It's so great.

We just love to watch fights, man.

I wish they'd, I love when NFL breaks out into a fight.

I love it.

Can I tell you, can I tell you the, the, oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Can I tell you the one thing that I, this is the one downfall to growing up in Florida that we didn't understand?

What's that?

We didn't have hockey growing up.

Right.

So we didn't understand who played hockey, like what boys played hockey.

However, there was a minor league hockey team in Tallahassee when we were in college that was our age.

They were our age dudes, but they lived in Tallahassee, played minor league hockey, and then hung out at the bars where we hung out.

And we got into a fight with a minor league hockey team

at the down under, thinking we had a shot,

having no idea what a hockey bro is.

Yeah.

Thinking, yeah, we're tough too.

And they're like, and now in retrospect, they're like, no, we fought yesterday.

Yeah.

We fought at practice.

We fight all the time.

And I was like, I fought five years ago, I got in a fight.

We got fucked up.

Dude lost his tooth that night.

Really?

Yeah.

We got fucked up.

Yeah.

And I just ran into a dude who came up to me the other day.

I was doing something.

And he was like, hey, man, I was like, I'm your age, but I played hockey.

And I was like, I think we fought you guys.

He was just like fucking still a brick.

Yeah, those guys are gnarly men.

Are you kids going to play hockey?

No, I don't think so.

Fuck it, fuck it.

I don't think they want to.

No, they're not going to, they can't achieve if they're from Texas.

You got to go up in Florida or Canada.

That's the only place you.

Boston, New York.

No, Minnesota.

If we had stayed in Minnesota, when I got to Minnesota, I was 10.

Everybody was playing hockey.

You'd have been a hockey player.

I don't think I would have because, I mean, I did start skating then because it just became normal, but I was still

really into football, playing football.

I don't think I would have done hockey.

I would would have been a spectacular hockey player.

Spectacular?

I'm probably one of the best.

Not even fucking right.

Are you a good skater?

Beautiful.

Hold on.

I'm a good roller skater.

Okay.

You're not a good ice skater?

Well, we didn't have ice then, so I never learned how to ice skate.

Oh, you've never ice skated?

I've ice skated a couple times.

I'm not very good at it.

However,

I was a competitive speed skater on rollerblades.

On roller skates.

Roller skates.

Wait, when you say competitive, you mean you went to competitions?

On Saturdays, they would hold speed skating competitions at our skating rink.

okay and they would like they'd do skate and then they'd hold a competition and we'd race around the rink a couple times and we'd see who won and i won all the time i was so good i was did you like to dance and skate

amazing yeah amazing now my confidence lays with me for the rest of my life so like if i do something great one time i believe i'm great at it for the rest of my life for sure so i'm doing a show called wings of glory for red bull uh we're sort of the flu tog And we're doing sketches to interlude in between the filmed flu tog.

And they go, hey burke can you roller skate and i go i'm an amazing roller skater and they're like uh cool we want to do um a bit where you the guy's got a pen in his mouth you know and he's doing something and you go up and you go hey

safety first i'm sure you can find this video video wings of glory safety first okay

and then it pulls back to reveal you're on rollerblades with a chainsaw And I go, okay, or roller skates with a chainsaw.

And I go, okay.

And they go, can you skate backwards?

I go, yeah.

And they're like, great.

So we're just going to add the chainsaw thing in post.

Wings of Glory, Burt Kreischer.

And so

I go, just turn the chainsaw on.

I think it's funnier if the chainsaw is on.

Just scroll until you find the chainsaw and roller skates.

What is this?

This is a,

it's a TV show for like fucking Fox or some shit.

This is a different TV show?

Yeah.

You got to keep, you got to keep your finger, that thing, go back, go back, go back, go back.

Right right there.

Hit play,

think, and then there's the chainsaw and me and roller skate.

So I fell with the fucking chainsaw on and almost cut my fucking leg off.

Oh, that's a real chainsaw?

A real chainsaw.

I go to the bottom.

I wasn't thinking.

What is this show?

I've never even heard of this show.

What is this?

It's something I did.

30 grand.

Wait, at what point does this happen, though?

I'm trying to figure this out.

This is right after the first season of Birth Conqueror.

First season is Birth Conqueror, they came to me.

You'll see me jump off.

Hang on, don't go all the way.

Go back, go back, go back, go back.

Right there, right there.

Okay.

And what is the premise of this story?

We were going to hit pause.

We were going to the Flu Tog.

The Flu Tog is an event where they fly homemade planes off an aircraft carrier.

Right, okay.

So we went to Camden, New Jersey, Camden, New Jersey,

off an aircraft carrier.

There was a hurricane coming in.

This is an interesting part of this story.

Yeah.

There was a hurricane coming up the coast and it was fucking up

the river.

It was sucking water out of that river, whatever river it was.

It was sucking it out to the ocean because of the pressure system for whatever reason.

And so the water was moving rapidly and they were like, the Coast Guard were on top.

There's fucking a million people.

I'm not even exaggerating a million because it's free.

A million people out this park to watch people go off in airplanes off the aircraft carrier.

And the producers are like, I think it's too dangerous.

I think we're going to call it.

And the head of police, the chief of police goes, now, you're not calling it.

And I was like, what?

And he goes, I got a million fucking people that want to see you fucking idiots go off a goddamn aircraft carrier.

I don't give a fuck if you lose somebody.

I got a riot on my hands.

If a million people don't see people go off that fucking thing, they go, well, it's all voluntary.

And he goes, there's got to be someone you're paying to do this.

And they looked at me and they're like, you're getting 30 grand.

You're up.

So I went first.

And we almost got sucked off the aircraft carrier.

I landed on my ribs, broke my ribs, shitting blood.

It was such a fucking shit show.

But this is me going off.

The thing almost decapitates me.

Wait,

this is you?

This is me going off right there.

So

there?

Yeah.

That's you.

That was me.

And that's, we lived.

Oh, so you just go right in the water.

Some people get really fucked up.

And the flu to crashes, some people get.

There was a news report.

Oh, pull up flu tog crashes.

Oh, my God.

You're going to see some crashes.

Crashes.

Yeah, crashes.

Oh, yeah.

So some people really get fucked up.

Yeah.

Wait, do some people really take off well?

Oh, yeah, some people fly legit.

So you do a dance, a presentation,

and then you build this, and then you see who can fly the furthest.

Holy shit.

And some people get fucking worked.

And then some people like this.

Well, he got some air.

That's cool.

Yeah.

That's not good.

That's not good.

That's really bad.

Oof.

And then watch him.

Oh, you can tell these are concussions left and right.

Oh, dude.

Oh, dude.

Breaking your back.

Oh, my God.

Holy shit.

Just see the worst ones.

So those little bars, just go to the best ones, the ones with the highest bumps.

Oh, the plane didn't even go.

In all honesty, you'd rather the plane not go.

Right.

Oh, my God.

Look at her.

Oh, shit.

Oh.

She's

going to hit the fucking.

Oh, fuck.

That sucked.

Like Like that, dude, I feel like it's concussed immediately.

Onto the fucking thing.

What about a good one?

Type in

longest flu tog flight.

All right, watch this.

Oh, fuck.

These are all.

Some people just build something and jump off of them, but it's so hard because you can't time it right.

Oh, yeah.

He's just like, this is going to.

Yeah.

That's what you're hoping for.

That's just what you want.

Yeah.

We had, we had, that's what part of the thing is, we had to learn a dance.

So we did a dance up there, but we were so fucking nervous.

I was like, I was like, everyone's got to jump.

Yeah.

And they were my cameramen.

My cameramen and sound men all had to jump.

So were you terrified?

The fucking most afraid I've ever been out of all these things.

Was this?

I had to go first.

And the one person.

But you went just straight in, right?

the yeah the one person that went before me was the day before it was a news reporter and they had put her on a wing and the wing

she was from she was from boulder or whatever boldimer how do you say it again boldimer

body more

the city that reads man and she

she went off and the thing went like this and dropped And she was sitting on it and it smacked the thing and broke her back.

And they had to go in and get her out of the water in a fucking stretcher and put her in, and they put her in and took her off in a stretcher.

And then they're like, we go tomorrow.

And I was like, what the fuck?

I was like, this looks dangerous.

And they're like, oh, it's really dangerous.

I can't believe you've done so many of these things for somebody that seems to hate the idea of doing so many of these things.

Oh, I'm.

I mean, you know, we were talking the other day about you going surfing with the boys.

Yeah.

I got stuck on the outside one time.

That's the scariest thing in the world.

It's is like, you know, so imagine, because I'm imagining you probably had like, you know, three foot waves or whatever.

Yeah.

So usually what will happen is there will be an inside and then the outside.

So then the inside will have like a second break sometimes.

And then the outside is where the big waves are.

And I got, I paddled out and there were like okay waves and I was fine with the okay waves and all of a sudden they got really big.

And it started getting darker and it was like, and it was, it was really big.

And I got stuck out there, and I couldn't.

I mean, I, and I had to paddle even further because they were breaking.

And they were so big.

We were in Puerto Rico, they were so big that I couldn't think of even catching wave to bust on because I was like, I'm going to get severely hurt.

Yeah.

And I was out there for so long.

And like, people were coming up, but they were speaking Spanish to me.

So I knew what the fuck they were saying.

And they'd come out.

And I was like, no, I don't know.

I'm scared.

And then a dude on a jet ski came out and he was like, ah, me?

I think I understood that.

And I was like, por favor.

And then he put me on a sled with my board.

Like I put my board on the sled and I held on and he just is like yelling, hold on the fucko in Spanish.

And he just waited for two waves and just fucking punched it.

And I got to shore and I was like, I'll never shrive again.

I'm never, I'm never going.

And I've been on it since.

But it's terrifying if it's really big.

Oh, yeah.

We did, we did, we did boxcar soapbox racing, but we did um soapbox racing was like really fun.

We didn't do the Red Bull one, we just did as fast as you can go, and you get going fast, but you feel very confident about it.

Yeah, that's fucking fun.

The Red Bull soapbox.

Have you seen these?

I have seen some of these, yeah.

These are in wait, have you done this too?

Oh, I didn't do this one.

I did, you know what I did?

They get fucked up too, I bet.

Type in, type in,

type in San Francisco

big wheel

big wheel San Francisco big wheel run

okay

this is the wildest thing I've ever done bring your own big wheel we did dude this was so fucking fun

you get on a big wheel Tom and you bomb one of their biggest hills oh no and it's fucking a thousand people and it's and all and you are flying down a hill on a big wheel.

Jesus Christ.

You did this?

And people are getting fucking worked.

Oh, I bet.

Hold on.

Hold on.

You know, hang on.

Type in shovel racing.

Shovel?

Have you ever gone to shovel racing?

No.

Shovel racing is terrifying.

Oh, this is.

You sit on a shovel.

Okay.

Yeah, just hit shovel racing in New Mexico.

You sit on a fucking snow shovel and you go roughly 70 miles an hour down a fucking hill.

Oh my God.

It is fucking crazy.

So we do it and I see, I'm watching people do it and there is no control.

You have no control.

None.

You have zero control over anything.

If you think you're in control, you're already out of control.

And so

you get going like 70 miles an hour.

70.

70.

The hill, depending on the hill you're at, we were doing it.

I think we were doing it in New Mexico, if I'm not mistaken.

And it's fucking steep as shit.

And I'm watching dudes look at this.

Haul ass.

And by the way, the shovel's in the working area of your crotch.

Yeah, sure.

So if you bust, it's fucking bad.

Now, we were doing it for Travel Channel, and I knew, as a rule of thumb, 50%

looks like 100% on TV.

Yeah.

So if you're going 40 on television,

I can't really tell it's 40.

It kind of looks 70, right?

Like, you don't know how fast that is.

That guy's looking how fast he's going.

He's probably going 60 miles an hour, but it looks like a fucking hundred, right?

I get my lesson, and the first run I do, I haul ass and I'm and I don't bust, and they don't get it on camera.

It's not part of the race.

But what I noticed is that, like, it didn't look as like this, it didn't, this doesn't sell it.

So there were these two girls, they were the Traveling Sneakers girls.

They were, that's their, their name.

They were, they were hired by ESPN.

They had the Traveling Sneak, Traveling Chucks.

See if you can find them.

The Traveling Chucks.

ESPN, Traveling Chucks.

They were two adorable girls who were doing the same thing I was doing for Birth Conquer for ESPN and Traveling Chucks.

Yeah, but it says shovel racing, traveling chucks.

Yeah.

And so, but these girls didn't have the insight I had that you could get killed on these.

So

every time we do our event, we'd meet up with the traveling chucks after and go have beers with them.

They were adorable.

I mean, adorable.

And

all the guys on my crew were in love with them.

So they always wanted to hang out with them.

So we go to do shovel racing and I say to the girl, I say to the one doing it, I go,

just so you know, like 50% looks like 100% on film.

She was like, oh, I'm going to charge it.

I go, I wouldn't charge it because you can't, you're not in control.

That was not them.

That's definitely not them.

It's definitely not them.

Got it.

And I was like, I go, but you're not in control.

So like, and I go, you know, sometimes selling it for camera is better than going as fast as you can.

I go, so, because when I watch these guys go fast, that's not great.

But what I'm going to do is I'm going to put my fingers in the snow and drag snow, and I'm going to put my feet in the snow to have snow fly up over me.

I think it'll look better.

And she was like, no, not me.

I'm going for, I'm going for like, I'm trying to win.

And I was like, no, no, no, don't try to win.

That's going to be a bad idea.

So I go.

I go maybe like 40 miles an hour.

And it's fast.

It's very fast.

But it looks dramatic.

There's snow everywhere when I get done.

My face is covered in fucking snow.

I look like Santa Claus.

My beard's covered in snow.

It's a great read.

This is fucking amazing.

It's a great read.

She goes next.

She throws her feet up on top of the shovel.

She puts her hands back in the air like this.

And this bitch probably got up to about 80 miles an hour until she catches a corner.

The shovel whacks her in the face.

She goes flipping end over end over end over end,

rolls up into the berm.

and is motionless.

They go in, they wake her up, they put her on a backboard, and we're like, fuck, that's crazy.

Sitting at the bar that night, and she comes in with like a cast and a neck brace, and she's like, hey, can I get a beer?

And I was like, you should have gone 40 miles an hour.

The traveling Chucks, I saw them at theme parks.

They were awesome.

They were two real.

She got real fucked up.

She got really fucked up.

She got really fucked up and they never stopped doing the show.

They did stop?

Yeah, you had to stop doing the show because it's like some of the stuff, some of the stuff we did was like,

and you you know it's it's the lack of attention i remember the first time the very first episode we were doing scott sands love scott sands love scott sands my cameraman he had this is before gopros that's how old the show was i was before gopros i remember when gopros sent gopros out and said try our product it's called a gopro yeah and we were like we're gonna stick with we had this camera that you had to have the bag with you so when we filmed

things you had a full bag that had a whole camera that had a line going out to a camera that hooked up and that's what filmed it but it recorded it into a bag so anytime you did anything you had to have a bag with you when i did when i jumped off uh

not the stratosphere because i had cameras for that that flew with you but when when i did any roller coaster that i had to jump off free fall they had to put a backpack on me with a cord that wrapped around me to shoot me So we did a free fall in Cedar Rapids, Cedar Point.

It's like a 420-foot free fall power tower.

And they were like, well, we don't want to see the bag.

So let's do this.

we're going to put the camera on your helmet then we're going to wire it through the rigging all the way over to the other side of this that's the power tower one of the funnest rides in the world that's not the power tower that that no you're on the power tower right there it takes you up to the top and just drops you look at that view and so the bag had to be wired through the fucking ride and then the bag was over here so it was wired and the bag's over here and they i go in the very first day and they're like all right hop on the ride and i was like cool they're going to put this to your head and uh test it out and i was like hold on hold on you haven't tested it yet and they're like no you're going to be fine and i was like yeah but it's stuck to the rigging like if it snags on something it won't it rip my head off and they're like that's not going to happen and i was like well have you why don't test it without me and they're like we can't we need it on someone to know if it's going to go and i went well wait why would you test it on me is there like a homeless person or someone we could test it on and they're like no i go well you're the camera guy scott you test it on you he goes fine i'll test it on me jesus christ is is like my first day.

He's like, God, fucking talent is so dramatic.

And then he goes, hey, we checked the whole rig, right?

And they're like, well, maybe we checked it a couple of times.

He's like, well,

hold on, maybe.

Let's just check it a couple more times.

Like, oh, it's different when it's your fucking head.

But that was the whole production is like, they didn't know any of the things.

They didn't know safety was like.

Ultimately, they were like, if he gets hurt, it's a better show.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think people probably watch those shows hoping that the host is like, maybe her when I did her birthday sent me under a house to be a rat collector and they got a rat handler who from the movie Willard.

Do you know Willard?

No.

Oh pull up the fucking cover of Willard.

They got him the rat handler from Willard to bring all his a thousand rats in and release them on me.

Oh really?

Yeah.

Willard is where he's got covered in rats, right?

Yeah.

That guy the guy that was the rat collector for Willard, hid under a house and sicked rats on me.

The drama was what they wanted.

Right.

Speaking of rat collecting, have you seen this family whose house is

infils?

What's it called?

No, infested with snakes.

Which family?

Infested as in they don't want these snakes there, or this is like their pet snakes.

They have hundreds of rat snakes,

dude.

Where?

I have no idea.

I sent it to you.

It's in the I sent it to the link over here.

Look at this.

Snake.

They have snakes everywhere around their house.

They have snakes climbing into their house.

Oh my God.

Here they go out and just a snake's just sitting on their fucking front porch.

That's cool.

Where is this?

Who knows?

But they say they.

I was thinking, what animal are you cool with an infestation of?

Not snakes.

No.

No, that would get most people running, dude.

Snake infestation?

Come on.

Would you be cool with a snake infestation?

No.

That's like the last animal because they show up at the last, they like sneak on you.

Yeah.

They don't like

like we had rats at our old Agnes house.

We did a rat infestation

because of an orange tree.

Yeah.

So you have an orange tree in LA.

Every rat shows up.

Yeah.

We had that too in Woodland Hills.

Yeah.

Rats.

Yeah.

It was horrible.

And then I shot one.

And then one time

we got up in the morning and I walk into the kitchen

and all over the counter are pellets.

I'm like, how are these on the counter?

I don't understand.

I didn't know what was going on.

I'm like, those are rat droppings.

So then you're like, wait a minute, where the fuck, where?

So you're trying to figure it out.

That's part of it is like in a home, you go like,

So then we found

under, like, there's the main sink in a the kitchen.

And then sometimes you have like a smaller, right?

Like a wash sink that's separate.

So it was like, it's almost like a wet bar area.

Underneath there, I open and it's just like rat shit everywhere.

And then you can see the pipe from that sink into the, out, you know, outside the house.

And where that pipe hits the wall, it's like there's just a big gap.

And you're like, oh, this is where they're coming.

Like, that's why there's shit here.

This is where they come in.

So I was was like i mean i'm like

so freaked out by this i'm like fucking i don't know what to do so you know you have like you tell christine no oh we there's no way around it yeah so we have that you know we clean that up you have the

you know like the rat people or whatever come out and like what do you want to do i'm like just poison everything put poison everywhere like put traps and poison poison they're like well this i go i don't care what it kills have it kill everybody in the neighborhood right so like we just putting they're like we're putting this these they're like your dog could get a hold of this i'm like let it die just put the poison out so we put poison everywhere

and then

you know whatever like a few days later you find more pellets and i'm like god damn it so then i just go to the to the

um hardware store and the like the caulk filling yeah dude i just

fill that gap so entirely like where it's like foaming out falling and that sealed up every entrance and that was the end of it like that that's what like it was just the the accessibility they can squeeze in through you know like a dime oh yeah so you have to just have zero gaps but that shit made me i mean i was i lost sleep over that that had me just you could in agnes they would climb across our phone our power line that went into our house yeah and it would it went up right to a thing there was a hole that they'd come in so they put a mesh shield over it right yeah so that they go well it we'll close it up whatever's in there dies whatever's out there can't get back in

the girls

there's a mama rat on the line talking to a baby rat inside the house

and they're like

they're like dad we can't let a mom not be with its baby oh boy and i was like wait what do you mean and they're like okay don't get mad

we opened up the shield to the baby could come in, to the baby could come out, but the mom went in.

And I went, of course the mom went in.

It's inside.

All the good shit's inside.

And they're like, well, we broke the shield.

So now they're all going back and forth.

And I was like, motherfucker.

So I took my BB gun and I went out with a bottle of wine one night.

And I just sat there.

It was a pellet gun.

And I just sat there and I waited for them to cross.

And I was like, I'm just going to take them off.

Like one by one.

I'm drunk.

Think that I'm the kind of guy like Rogan that could just fucking hunt my own game, process my own meals.

First one,

I'm like, oh God, oh God.

I start crying.

I'm like, what the fuck?

Just die.

Just die.

Grabbed it, wrapped it in tail, slammed it.

It didn't die.

I was like, motherfucker, why won't you die?

Yeah, that shit's, it's rough, dude.

We, um, in Silverlake, we had uh rats on the, because also just in that terrain, like you would see them crossing power lines and phone lines and everything.

And so I was working as a site rep where I would go to like

production offices

or like locations.

And when I was in the main Hollywood location office downtown,

I saw one of the maintenance guys and I was like, hey, you know, got these

rats at the house.

I don't know what to do.

And he was like, oh, I got something for you, man.

He goes, take this shit.

And it was this like pad that you peel the top and then there's like sticky shit.

Whoa, have you seen it?

And they, they get stuck in it, and their metabolism just immediately like kind of shuts down.

He said, like they can't, they have to be able to move constantly.

He's like, this is the shit right here.

He's like, set these up.

So I fucking set it up in the backyard.

And I took a lot, like a dollop of peanut butter and I put it like right in the middle.

And he's like, that's what you do.

This is, he's like, let me know how it goes.

So

I go in.

He's like, how'd it go?

I go, I put the peanut butter out, I put the sticky pad out, and in the morning,

the thing was flipped over and shit on.

And he goes, those are some big rats.

I go, cool, man.

We also had a possum in the inside above my bed.

Like, so in my bedroom in the ceiling, you would just hear

like all this scrape.

And it was a possum that I think had a baby up there.

Yeah.

And so you would just hear claws scratching all the time.

So that one I called like an animal control person.

That dude came out like say straight out of central casting, like four teeth.

In LA.

Yeah.

Wrap around shades, you know, like he was like, I don't, I don't know what the fuck to do.

And he set up a cage and he was all proud of it.

He showed me like put this bait right here.

And he goes, that possum is going to come in here and that door is going to shut.

And he's like,

it's going to be pissed.

Whatever comes in is going to be pissed as shit.

He's like, you just give me a call.

I'll come pick it up.

And I go, what are you going to do with it?

He's like, I'll release it out like some parks.

Yeah, update to farm, Tom.

Sure thing.

That thing was like on, on, like clockwork.

And that thing, when, when it-Did you find me shovel racing?

Is that you?

What?

That's me?

That's you right there?

Yeah.

It's crazy that even your staff interrupts my stories.

It's not just you.

Like, I'm fucking talking, and your staff's like, I'll play a video.

It looks good with the snow flying by right yeah 17 minutes later perfectly perfect

no

so wait what happened with the possum just even my staff interrupt is that me you're like oh yeah here's you this is the thing you were talking about half an hour ago you want to watch it

the we you know we had a possum kill our chickens a possum killed the chickens killed all our chickens one by one by one within a week

One by one?

One by one.

So the next morning you go out and another one's dead?

Another one's dead within a week.

And we were like, motherfucker.

And Leanne's like, it's a possum.

I know it's a possum.

Wait, do they eat them?

They would just kill them.

Just kill them.

They never even ate them.

They just ripped their heads off.

Holy shit.

So we'd wake up to find a headless chicken and the girls were still young.

We were still living over at Agnes.

And so we'd bring them over to our house over here.

We'd bury them in the backyard so they could be with us.

Say a moment.

We'd say a prayer.

Then we'd come home.

Maybe we'd stay later and have pizza, let the sun set, and go home.

So the very last one, I think it was Lucy Lou, that's Isla's chicken.

That was like, Isla kept going,

Isla's such an interesting person.

It doesn't, it doesn't, she has no empathy for you if it doesn't affect her.

She has zero empathy.

It's a good trait.

She's, she's,

she's like, they killed, first one they killed was Leanne.

She goes, well, at least not mine.

And we're like, well, no, I know, but mom lost her chicken.

And she goes, I know, but Lucy Lou's still here.

And we're like, well, I know, but that's not, yeah, that's not.

And then George's was the next one.

And she was like, well, thank God I'm the only one with a chicken.

And we're like, no, that's not what you're supposed to say.

You're supposed to say, like, oh, George, I feel bad for her.

And she goes, yeah, but I don't, my chicken's not dead.

And we're like, are you autistic?

Why the fuck can't you just understand?

And then when Lucy Lou got, I was like, no, do you realize how this is affecting all of us?

And we're like, now it's affecting all of us.

And so, I mean, dude, she's 18 and she still does this shit.

She still does this.

And so we bury Lucy Lou, we have pizza and we invite friends over for Lucy Lou's burial in the backyard, bury Lucy Lou.

We come home.

This is when we have Priscilla and Izzy and Mona, but Priscilla and Izzy

have a possum in their mouth that they're ragdolling.

It's playing possum, it's playing dead.

They're ragdolling it in our living room.

It is soaking wet.

It is almost hairless.

And they have been fucking with this thing.

They caught it in the backyard.

They brought it into our house and they are ragdolling it around.

And Isla's like fucking kill it you killed our chickens get it dogs get it like it's like Michael Vick shows up out of Isla yeah and we're like and Leanne puts a bucket on top of the possum who's playing dead in the corner and calls whatchamacallit and they're like just let it go so we were like so we went to our neighbor's house and let it go over there it was fine yeah the gruesans we just dropped it off their house we're like no i don't want the possum yeah then they were like oh fucking dog got attacked by a possum like shut the fuck up so crazy that's how does that even happen uh all right we should rap dude we should rap what do you uh what's the plan for the rest of the week with the boys um just more hanging out going the beach yeah yeah we're we're gonna go surfing again um

yeah

i would cancel everything right now to go surfing with you guys oh dude we're doing like it was fun we're walk we walked down to the beach we um you know took them out take them out for ice cream just have them

You know, it's just a full day of just the whole day is spent trying to deplete their energy.

That's what two little boys are like.

You're just like, all right, dude.

Yeah, just burn calories.

You got to burn calories.

Just burn calories.

Otherwise, they're just like, ah, like just in your face, biting you, fucking punching you.

They fucking just wail on me, dude.

Like full swings.

Isla told me that when she went to college and she called up, she goes,

how's it living with mom?

She'd always lived with Leanne for like two years while I was on the road.

She was living with Leanne.

And I was like, I was like, it's good.

And she goes, she talks a lot.

I go, yeah.

She goes, you get all her words, dad.

Like, you know, you don't get to share any.

Like, you get all the words.

She heards all the words until she sees you.

And then you get all her words.

I go, yeah, I am getting all her words.

And she goes, you know how they take kids to a park to let them run around?

You got to let her take her out to let her talk to other people, bring up subjects, and then let her talk.

So when she comes home, she's done talking.

I was like, really?

She goes, I used to do it all the time, Dad.

Bring up where she grew up.

She loves talking about where she grew up.

I was let her talk.

Yeah.

I was like, okay.

That's hilarious.

I was like taking Leanne out to talk to people going like, hey, she grew up in a small town.

They're like, where?

She's like, rural Georgia.

I'm a town of 1,200 people.

I went to Chu Church at the same school.

My granddaddy went to.

And I was like, fucking Isla's a genius.

That's really, that's really clever.

You want to know what it's like to live with a college kid?

Yeah.

Dad

last night, dad.

Yeah.

Did you get Pierce the Veil tickets for me?

I was like, no.

Can you get them?

Can you call someone and get them?

I go, Isla was just going to buy them.

I need to know where the seats are.

And I'm like,

never heard of Pierce the Veil song in my entire life.

That's why I bought tickets for them three times.

For her?

She's obsessed with Pierce the Veil and My Chemical Romance.

And My Chemical Romance.

Yeah.

Is she going to festivals and shit?

Does she do all that?

She loves music.

She goes to music shows all the time.

She goes to like underground punk shows.

She loves.

fucking loves music.

That's cool.

Well, I wish I could trade, but

yeah.

Good luck.

Have fun at the show or making your show.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Tommy, good luck on making your movie.

Thanks, man.

I hope it is a fucking blockbuster.

And I think with

the story behind this script, I can't wait to see what we get.

It's going to be fucking amazing.

Thank you, man.

Thank you.

I wish you the best on your show, too.

Oh, thank you.

Everything you've told me sounds hilarious.

It's going to be good.

It's going to be fun.

We'll see.

Yeah, we'll have stuff to show you in a year.

That's the way it works.

Oh, Oh, I'll be done.

Mine will be before then.

I know my air date already.

You already know your air date.

Yeah.

All right.

That's great.

That's why we're racing.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Well,

enjoy it.

Have a great summer.

Thanks, you two.

Enjoy our replacements.

We know you'll miss them.

Hey, if you guys could just

a couple of times, the comments you leave for us, just leave it about them.

It's like, God, Chris seems so, he's changed.

Yeah, yeah, out of time.

God, I remember when these guys used to be funny.

Yeah, do that.

Oh, Stavi looks fucking unhealthy.

He's going to be dead in a year.

Do all that stuff.

Don't do that to Stavby.

That's not fair.

But don't do it to me either.

Fucking assholes.

All right.

All right.

We love you guys.

Love you.

Love you.

Bert and Tom.

Tom and Bert.

One goes topless while the other wears a shirt.

Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.

Here's what we call two bears, one cave.