Fun With Foreign Slurs | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

100%.

Yeah, we are back.

We are in Los Angeles.

We're doing two bears, one cave.

Everybody's dying to know: how do you feel after having 16 feet of your intestines removed?

Red.

I feel really red today.

You do?

That's great.

God, I'm red today.

Like, I know I get shit for being red a lot.

Yes.

Yeah.

But man, I am, I just got out of the sauna, just got out of the gym, and I'm like, I am looking at myself in the mirror as i walked past yeah

today's a rough one for me well you know there's a thing about being red is like you can fight it or you can lean in like what about getting redder oh you know what i mean yeah and just get so red that people go

they don't even notice anymore yeah exactly it's like why fight it's good yeah also red's a good you're i think you look good with red

Can I tell you, I'm always amazed that like, like when you feel fat and disgusting and then you're on an airplane airplane and you see someone really fat and disgusting Yeah, yeah, and then you go How do you feel?

Like I'm not as bad as you I didn't get a seatbelt extender.

You know that you look disgusting the real place where you kind of you find

You find kind of your place in society is when you go to like a hotel pool.

You know what I mean?

And so because at first you're like, I'm a piece of shit.

I'm the fucking grossest.

And you see a couple like fitness bodies and you're like, oh my God, like that's that's what we're supposed to look like, this fucking perfect human.

And then

some fucking pig waddles down and like has trouble kicking their slippers off.

And you see the rolls just hanging.

You're like, this is the grossest person at the pool.

And then you, you kind of smile.

You're like, that person's way grosser than me.

And you know exactly your status because there's always like, a couple gorgeous people.

And then there's just a few animals that you go like, nice.

I'm glad they're here too.

They should make that, you know how they have like, uh, they have like uh those vacation spots for singles and for swingers.

Yeah, they should make one for couples wanting to feel better about themselves.

Yeah, with just my 600-pound life people, yeah.

And you go there and go on vacation there, and you just you're like, they're like, hey, you can go on the zip line.

Not everyone else can, but you can.

It's just a vacation place for you.

I mean, I honestly, if you're around enough gross people, especially at a pool,

you will stand up a little straighter.

You'll be like, I'm not that bad.

I'm actually pretty good.

Can I tell you, Tom, I know that I don't really read comments, but I know that people say me and you are out of touch and that we've changed.

And I would fight that tooth and nail.

I am the same Bert you've known since day one, since day one when I was doing the Dayton Funnybone.

And then the other day, I went to the DMV and I realized, I have not been around these people in a very long time.

Different, huh?

I am out of touch i that is america that is shut down the 101 and throw a brick at a cop america that is yeah not who i see on a daily basis not i have i was like i am this i am the healthiest person in this room i've showered the most in this room yeah i've brushed my teeth the most in this room yeah the dmv is fucking scary time it kind of boosted you up i went i haven't been in a i went last year and it's you know yeah just sitting there waiting for your number to get called and you're just looking around that room.

It is the, it's the bottom of the barrel, dude.

I mean,

that's America, Tom.

Yeah, it is.

It's most.

You go to our shows.

Our shows are cultured, high-end, top-level of the Titanic Americans.

I mean, we've got.

If you're listening to this right now, you are fucking killing it in life.

Just listening.

If you're listening, if you're watching this, you might be, you know, touching on.

If you're listening to this,

you are a 1%er, in my opinion.

I like that.

It feels good.

Yeah.

You know what?

Even if you're not yourself.

Just tell yourself you are.

You're a 1%er.

And if right now you're going, no, no, no, no, Bert.

I'm having a rough day.

I feel like I'm overweight.

Maybe I'm not achieving everything.

Go to the DMV.

Yeah.

And look around and go, wow, you know what?

I am fucking killing it.

It's not that bad.

That's what you'll leave there thinking.

It's not that bad what I've got going on.

I really was, I got a DMV appointment and I was like, I was like, nice.

Cause, you know, I always try to like make sure that I'm grounded in life, you know?

I was like, nice.

I got a DMV appointment.

I'm going to the DMV.

I'm just fucking, hey, if Tom Cruise goes to the DMV, I go to the DMV.

And the second I got there, I was like, how do I pay to get out of this?

Yeah.

How do I need to pay?

There's like a backdoor situation there.

I got offered it and I didn't take it.

You didn't take it.

I didn't take it because I was like, you know what?

Not like cancel culture shit of like, if people found out.

But I was like,

I was like

if I it just it really I think that's when I don't that's when I'm no longer in touch yes when I um and let me tell you Tom let me just so we're clear I did all the steps to take it yeah and then failed got there I was like I'm not doing this really

oh yeah you bailed I bailed and then now you're gonna do the celebrity way No, I'm no, no, I fucking did it.

I had to just get my license renewed.

And now I got to go back and I was, I could have done the

and now i got to go back and do in november and get my license renewed because i didn't do the the the celebrity way do you know i you know when i found out about it when i moved here when i moved here i had some appointment to go to for the dmv and somebody i worked with was like oh yeah i can uh facilitate like the

the back doorway and i was like really here and they're like oh that's right no not in texas i can do it in california i was like oh okay oh there's there's i don't even know about it

Isla, you know,

Isla's failed the driver's exam like eight times.

Seriously?

Oh, yeah.

She, buddy.

She shouldn't drive.

I don't think she should ever.

She knows what she said the other day.

She goes, you know what, maybe I won't drive a car.

Maybe I'll just get a motorcycle.

I was like, baby, that's even worse.

No, that's not.

Yeah.

She's like, Doug, maybe she, you know what car she wants?

She wants a Hellcat.

Oh, perfect.

Is she dating a D1 college football player right now?

Yeah.

No.

She wants a purple Hellcat.

Is she dating someone that plays for Georgia?

I have no idea what's wrong with this kid.

We're in a fight right now because

I got in her shit at Georgia's birthday.

You got in her shit?

We got into an argument.

I mean, it's so stupid, but she was like, Georgia's like, Ali, you know, you're moving into a house next year.

It started with Georgia turned 21.

So we went up and surprised Georgia for her 21st birthday.

And I said, Georgia, what's the first drink you're going to drink now at a bar that you can order?

You know, what are you excited to order and she said i've always wanted to order a martini but you know when you're underage getting a martini is really difficult so like you know you can have a beer you can have a uh uh jack and coke you can have a rum and coke you can have uh porosos and soda if you're underage you can have a porosos and soda but you know getting a martini is like something you need to go to a bar and order yeah and so she said i really want

I really want a martini.

And I was like, really?

And she goes, I want a martini.

They look so good with with a blue cheese olive in it.

And I was like, well, maybe we'll go get a martini with a blue cheese olive.

And then she pivoted.

She goes, Isla, you got in a kitchen next year.

This will be your first time you have a kitchen.

What are you excited to make?

And Isla goes, eggs.

This fucking child has never eaten an egg in her life.

I've tried to cook her an egg for 18 years.

Never once has she allowed me to, dad, I hate eggs.

As a matter of fact, the name of our chat thread, our group chat thread with my family is, I swear to God, Isla hates eggs.

That's the name of the chat thread and i said you're gonna make a egg and i was a little hungover and i was a little aggressive and isla goes yo calm down and i was like no i'm not gonna calm down i've never seen you make an egg i've never seen you eat an egg and you're telling me you can make an egg and she was like dad it's easy and i was like bullshit she was like dad anyone can make an egg and so then the other day i was like hey why don't you bring those superpowers over here make me an egg she goes scrambled i go no no no no no no no Over easy.

She goes, no, no, all I can do is scrambled.

I go, a fucking monkey can make a scrambled egg.

I go make me a fucking egg.

And so we're fighting right now about over the eggs.

Wow.

Yeah.

That was pretty intense.

Oh, dude.

It's like if your kid, all of a sudden, you know that you know your children.

Yeah.

Right.

Yes.

And if if Ellis just walked into the living room and he's like, hey, dad, put on ice skating.

I love ice skating.

And you're like, wait, when did you start watching ice skating?

He goes, I've watched it my whole life.

You just haven't paid attention.

Dude, you know what just happened?

I was like, hey,

let's watch Star Wars because I've tried to get them.

He goes, fuck no, no, no.

And I go, why?

He goes, I hate that shit.

I don't want to watch it.

And I go, it's awesome.

And he goes, I don't want to see it.

I just don't want to.

And I'm like pleading and pleading.

And I'm like, dude, they're awesome movies.

Like, let's just start with the original and we'll go through it.

Yes.

Yes.

He's like, no, I hate it.

You know what?

Let's just not watch anything.

And I go, dude.

How about watch 15 minutes?

And if you don't like it after 15 minutes, we'll watch them.

Oh, God.

i'm like come on man fine

so i put it on and like 10 minutes in julian's like this is cool and i go yeah and then ellis goes yeah they're they're all pretty good i've seen them all and i go what he goes yeah i watched them over at my friend's house i go i thought you said it was the worst thing ever he's like no it's pretty rad they're pretty cool i go what the fuck is this man like you just told me you don't want to like it's all you know, misdirects.

And I'm like, wait, so you've seen these?

He's like, I've seen them all.

And I go, and you like them.

the other people.

These generations, Tom, they're not like, they're not like our generation.

Okay, dude.

We had respect.

We had dignity.

It's like the people on the Titanic, Tom.

They said women and children first, and the men just died with dignity.

They got dressed up and they died.

Do you think, do you think our generation, do you think the generation right now, like let's look at Zolo.

If Zolo's on the Titanic,

do you think Zolo would be like, No, no, no, no, Heather first.

I'm going to die.

No, he'd push all the women in.

Yeah.

Do you think Annie is going to be like,

not a chance?

Not a fucking chance.

And he's going to be like, I'm going to

step on someone's neck and be like,

I've already, I've done my work.

We've suffered enough.

You know, he'd do one of those.

And then.

And he would throw a rock at a window and be like, get me in.

Yeah.

No.

He'd be like, he'd be like,

here we go again.

No, he would definitely be like,

fucking white ass shit right here.

Oh, he's like.

How do you think any would react if a white guy that looked like Halston was like, so sorry, so sorry, women and children first?

Wait, wait, what was the question?

How do you think any would react if a white guy that looked like Halston?

Really white.

Halston's the whitest that you can get.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And not physically in the body.

What would any say?

What would any if Halston went, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, what would you say?

The first thing he would say is a word we're not allowed to say, and then he would go, fuck out of the way.

And then he would just jump on that life ramp.

Yeah.

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Yeah, for sure.

It's crazy.

I'm watching, you know, they're, I don't know, for whatever reason, the Titanic, I guess the Titanic must have sunk right around now in real life, you know?

I don't know.

Really?

But it's Titanic showing up everywhere in my feed.

Everywhere.

So I've been been seeing a lot of Titanic stuff.

Bro, it's June.

What is it?

Was it a bit in June?

It was cold.

So I'm not with the icebergs.

When did it sink?

April?

I don't know.

They're looking it up.

Maybe you're right.

April 14th.

That was April.

Yeah.

Okay.

So 1912.

So the guy

that was like, his dad created the White Line.

What was it called?

The White Line cruise ships.

The guy that started it, his name was like his, his son was the chief financial officer.

His name was like Bruce Ursay or something.

And at the very end, Tom, he gets on a boat.

Like at the very end, their last boat to go in the water.

There's like 14 dudes in it.

They're already like.

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Dudes on.

They say, are there any more women?

There's no more women.

And he just, and he is the chief financial officer of all these boats.

And he hops on.

And they call him Bruce Ismay.

And they call him the coward of the Titanic.

And it ruined his life.

That it would have been better for him to die than to live that life.

Really?

And I keep,

it destroyed him.

Just because he should have gone down with his ship.

The idea with every man that survived the Titanic was, how did you get on a boat?

And so a lot of guys lied and said, no, I jumped in the water and then swam to a boat.

A lot of guys lied.

But then a couple guys like this guy and well, let's hear.

Let's park here.

So it says, after the disaster, Esme was savaged by both the American and British press for deserting the ship while women and children were still on board.

They called him a coward of the Titanic, suggested that the white star flag be changed to a yellow liver.

Some ran negative cartoons depicting him deserting the ship.

Some maintain Izmei followed the women and children.

principle first, having assisted many women and children himself.

His actions were defended in the official British inquiry, which found Mr.

Izme, after rendering assistance to many passengers, found sea collapse, the last boat on the starboard side actually being lowered.

No other people were there at that time.

There was room for him and he jumped in.

Had he not jumped in, he would have merely been one more added life

lost.

Wow.

But

they still trashed him, huh?

Oh, they destroyed it.

It ruined his life.

He went out.

He ended up, I think they kicked him out of this company that his dad started.

His dad started the White Line or whatever it's called.

And they kicked him out.

He ended up donating a lot of money and being a good guy.

He ended up moving to like some farm in Ireland and fishing the rest of his life.

He died from diabetes.

But my point is,

it raises a question of like,

is life worth living if you're looked at in shame for the rest of those years you get to live?

That's a good question, actually.

That's like a really deep philosophical question.

I mean,

I'm sure, especially in that time, to have been him was probably brutal from 1914 to 1937 when he died.

And that's a long time to get trashed, right?

But it's almost like, I don't know,

how much did he enjoy the rest of his life?

I don't think any.

Really?

Because, yeah, because

he lived a compromised life.

He couldn't do what he loved doing, which is, by the way, he's autistic, I think.

So he loved numbers and he loved working

with numbers and stuff and

with numbers.

Some people just like numbers.

Yeah.

I don't know.

I think he's pretty autistic.

I think he was autistic.

I don't know why I think he was autistic.

I just, that was my read on him.

But, uh, but like, so like,

I was trying to equivalate it to, like, our life, right?

Yeah.

And I was like, how would we,

what if you made,

you made, you, you, is life worth living if you have to live in shame?

Like, say, say, you get on a plane, right?

And the plane crashes and you're like, fuck it, I'm out.

You ever seen that movie where the guy,

it's like a French movie, and they're on the Swiss Alps and and there's an avalanche, and the guy fucking panics and goes and shuts the door on his family?

No, I don't think I have.

No, oh, they reded that.

That's a rough one.

Yes.

And then the family just dies in the avalanche?

No.

The avalanche doesn't make it to them and they live, but they know that their dad was going to let them die.

That's pretty great.

That's pretty.

And it's not a comedy?

No, it is.

I think it is.

I mean,

they remade it with Will Farrell and

the girl from Seinfeld, Julie Louise Dreyfus.

I think, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But Tourist, is that it?

Force Majeur?

I think so.

That's the original.

All right.

So, that's crazy.

It's like, would you be willing to die so that

you didn't have shame?

I guess it depends, man.

I mean, look, what you're talking about is why a lot of people unalive themselves.

People unalive themselves to not deal with immense shame all the time.

So that's a real thing.

There was that comic that I guess had some essays.

I like that we've changed our language to get it.

Well, you kind of have to.

Yeah, to otherwise.

People always ask, why is this bleeped?

Why'd you say it this way?

It's so that it stays up.

Otherwise, they'll take you down.

So

he had some alleged essays that

they were going to dub you about in an in a in an NP.

Okay.

Not that anyone reads NPs anymore, but I'm sure the

I would have gotten a hold of it and put it on YT and it would have just Fed him in the A up and down.

And what did he do?

He essayed.

No, he didn't essay himself.

He

R'd himself.

No, he K'd himself.

Wait, he unalived himself.

He did?

Yeah, he unalived himself.

Oh.

And he was like a really good kid, and

he was an AA.

You know what I mean?

A B, but an AA.

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, I know who this is.

Yeah.

He was an AA

C.

Yep.

Okay.

I think at this point, there's people in their cars just going, the fuck is happening here?

So, yeah.

Yeah.

They're like, I don't know.

African-American comic.

Yeah.

But

allegedly, he

unalived himself because he didn't want to deal with like the Me Too movement.

I mean, that's allegedly.

I don't know.

I don't know the whole story, but that's what I heard.

Yeah, yeah, it's rough, man.

Yeah.

So you're, I mean, but the real question is: like,

you know, how much shame are you willing to deal with?

God, that's a good question.

Yeah.

I mean, and can you look past the shame and just start enjoying sunsets again?

But I mean, that this is

something that a lot of people have had to weigh in their own lives.

Yeah.

I think the shame hurts the most if you're someone who

never got it, who never got it and didn't, and then all of a sudden the shame shows up and you're like, oh, the accolades are gone.

And now I just have shame.

Yeah.

And it's happened to some very notable people, you know?

Like who, like, like, I know it's had to have happened to athletes.

Well, the first person I thought of actually was like Mel Gibson.

Lance Armstrong.

Yeah.

I mean, they're, I think they're both falling that for different reasons, but like Mel was super celebrated, you know, like highly respected.

Um, I mean, a legit bona fide movie star.

And then he had these like drunken rants saying wild shit, and it totally changed people's perception.

And there's a lot of public shame in something like that.

Um,

and then with Lance, yeah, it was like, I've never taken anything, I've never, and you know, then it comes out that he had taken everything.

Um, and there was big shame for both of them.

Yeah.

By the way, can I tell you what's crazy is

both of them, it never

bothered me.

No?

No.

You know, I ran into Mel Gibson and was like, oh, I fucking love you, dude.

You're a hero.

Yeah.

If I ran into Lance Armstrong, I'd be like, think, I mean, okay,

argument's sake.

And hopefully one day we get Lance on the podcast.

I would love to have him as a guest bear.

I would love to.

But like, think of all the good Lance did.

And he was, he was only doing what everyone was doing at the time.

Well, that is true

I ran into him once really mm-hmm.

Not in Austin.

I was I was in Colorado and he was in a restaurant and yeah

Did I say hi to him?

I kind of like not really like he did one of those like

Somebody else I knew knew him and they spoke and then he was like this time.

He's like hi.

Like it was real real quick.

It wasn't wasn't like an actual, you know, conversation we had you look like you're real happy with mel though whereas oh yeah yeah i'm dude i i mean i what mil gibson has done for cinema is i think you know i think it's a tit for tat with what he's done for bad things like hey sweet tits okay i'll take it for a pocket lipto yeah we yeah

is pretty great i mean if you're gonna say like one drunken racist filled uh phone message for all the lethal weapons come on yeah okay i gotcha it's a good exchange i know yeah if you kind of let's do it let's do it let's do it okay let's take a look at our careers and see what we could get away with that would be worth it okay

it is directly proportionate into what you've given for sure yes lance armstrong it how many people did he help with cancer

god who knows i mean it's a lot infinite an infinite amount of people yeah he helped through his cancer society or whatever he had yeah

Right?

And what did he like?

So he said some wild stuff, right?

No, I mean, he cheated, whatever.

He was doping.

Everybody was doping.

Everyone was doping.

Tit for tat.

There we go.

Can you hit Christina?

Think about your body of work.

Okay.

You got how many specials out there?

Five soon.

It'll be six soon.

Six.

You're shooting in November and you're going to shoot your sixth special in Wisconsin.

Yeah.

Okay.

Now let's just put this out there, okay?

So many people have gone through loss and hardship and heartbreak and depression and probably thought to themselves, maybe I should unalive myself today.

And then they saw Ballhawk and they went, you know what, I'm going to give it another day.

And then who knows how that person's unjust keeping themselves alive has changed so many people for good.

Is it worth you punching Christina one time?

Yeah, I mean, are we talking about like a direct hit?

Like, you know, like a square in the face kind of thing?

Like a Ray Rice.

Okay, let's do Ray Rice.

Hold on.

Yeah.

Hang on.

This is a fucking, this is a fun game.

It is a fun game.

Well, he, but he, they decided his body of work wasn't sufficient.

I know.

He got completely blacklisted.

And can I tell you who got fucked the hardest on that?

His wife.

Yeah.

Not only did she get punched, she lost her Mercedes.

She lost her house.

She lost all her jewelry.

She fucking, I mean, she got with the most.

What?

Is she still with him?

I don't know.

That's a great question.

If she is, she's the

realest one ever.

Yeah.

She is.

If she is, she deserves an award and a scholarship.

Yeah, they are.

They're still married.

Yeah.

Yeah, that is crazy.

It is.

Because, like, if that had been Tom Brady,

they'd be like, you know, people lose their temper, man.

What are you going to do?

It just happens.

Yeah.

She probably was saying some wild shit.

Yeah, definitely.

I think Gronk could have gotten away with it.

Yeah, for a while.

Man, that would have been...

It's a big guy.

If Aaron Hernandez had played five more years, do you think he could have killed those people and gotten away with it?

That's the thing is, like, multiple murders.

He just killed one dude.

I think it was more.

And himself.

He un-alived himself.

Yeah, but I think other people.

Like, they pinned that first one on, but then they didn't they end up tying other ones to him?

I don't know.

I didn't really pay attention.

That's why I shouldn't talk about stuff like this because I don't really know any of the information.

I'm just kind of like, all I really know about Aaron Hernandez is he unalived himself with soap.

He was acquitted in

a double murder.

Okay.

Well, you're right.

He's convicted of one.

Yeah.

But it's like, it's like you look.

What do you think?

You could, you think you could get away with hitting the end?

No, I can't.

I don't know good enough.

No?

No.

I think if the machine had performed a little bit better in box offices, yeah.

If it was like a huge box office, hate your money.

If it had made like $100 million, you're fine.

It's easy.

I don't even know if I'd be with her today.

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But uh,

but you know, luckily for her, it just did enough to make some money back.

And, you know, so she's mine forever.

Yeah.

That's a really interesting thing is how much what well you think about it, all these big celebrities, like we were talking about that the other day.

When you think back on like Michael Jackson, he's so talented that he was like, little boys sleep in my bed.

And everybody was like, have you heard you want to be starting something?

It's fucking amazing.

You know, like thriller.

To this day, Tom, people will defend Michael Jackson.

It's because of his talent.

Yeah.

He was so talented.

Yeah.

Dr.

Dre hit a chick.

Everyone's like, yeah, but the chronic was fucking.

Yeah, exactly.

No, I know.

So you're right.

I think if I did that,

you know, I'd probably still be able to work, but it'd be a different world.

You'd be able to be a different world.

Yeah.

I guess we can't hit our wives.

Can't hit our wives.

I can't even cheat on mine.

Yeah, we got to, you know, we got to look for is like, well, we should probably discuss it.

Maybe we can hit our wives after our summer projects come out.

Ooh,

I like that.

Yeah, like maybe that's the

goal is

because we're both doing stuff this summer.

Can you say what you're doing?

Is that like, this is,

are you announced and everything?

I haven't announced it yet.

I don't know if I'm announcing it.

You're not announcing it?

I might just let it just show up.

Oh, okay.

Why do you?

I don't, I don't know.

I never understood why we announced them.

I don't know how it works either, dude.

It's just

mine, but well, yeah, because we're recording this in advance.

Mine's now announced.

So I'm shooting a movie this summer.

And, you know, the goal is just obviously to make it a fun and funny, entertaining movie, but ultimately good enough where you guys would forgive me for,

you know, assault.

Yeah.

Like battery or something, you know?

Yeah.

That's what I just hope that my project is good enough

that you guys would forgive me for like throwing Leanne against a wall.

Yeah.

At a restaurant.

Which is not as bad as a closed fist punch.

No.

Oh, come on.

I think I could

could I

could I

okay

videotape someone tapes me and Leanne at a

am I good enough?

This is a great in the comments.

Yeah.

Have I done enough in podcasting and in

stand-up, in touring, in creating tours, in having cruises, all the things I've done, my whole body of work, ignore travel channel, that's not going to help to

dress Leanne down with like the worst words at a valet and get in my car clearly drunk and drive away.

I think you could do that, dude.

I think I can too.

I think I can too.

I actually think it might actually be kind of some bonus points.

They'd be like, that was pretty fucking cool.

I might need some bad boy points because I think I've been too good.

I'm like a goodie two-shoes.

You know what I think you could do also is if you threw her through like a plate glass window.

Oh, like Charles.

He did that, dude.

Yes, because here's the thing.

Ultimately,

it's like it's softer than a wall.

Like, you know what I mean?

But the dramatic, like, if it was somebody who had their phone out and you see a glass window shatter and this woman goes flying through it and she gets up, you know, she's got a couple bumps bumps or whatever yeah little scratch on her but it's like a what the fuck and then you're like that's fucking right you say some wild shit on your way out you look pretty badass she's not like unconscious like she's okay yeah i think that's like a definitely like people would probably be like that was fucking really cool the way you did that what you have to do in a moment like that is say the right thing when the like just go black lives matter not all lives matter black lives matter.

Right.

You have like a nice punchline for it.

Like a nice, like, uh, like, like, free Palestine.

Yeah, yeah.

There you go.

Oh, man.

Actually, you'd have a bunch of people.

Well,

a lot of people would hate you for it, but you'd have a lot of people that would be like, hey, dude, that was really cool the way you threw your wife through that window for Palestine.

There'll be a lot of guys from Palestine not minding it at all.

They'd be like, this isn't even a big

man.

Yeah.

We do this all the time.

When we used to have houses,

it's such It's such an interesting, like,

I watch my behavior in public a lot because I don't want to

negative tapes about me.

So like

I think I'm a good person, but I can't really tell because I'm already in front of it.

So you're always careful?

Oh, yeah.

And

I've had some slip-ups, obviously.

Like almost hitting her and stuff?

No, no, not with Leanne, with like strangers.

Oh, I always interact very nicely and pleasantly.

And I'm, you'd be shocked what I'll allow someone to say to me.

And I'll diffuse it and kind of apologize and just, and, and separate my way and go, I'm not going to interact with this.

This is something someone's going to catch on camera.

Like, I'm not, I had a woman one time.

I, I can't tell if I ran the red light or she ran the red light.

I clearly thought she ran the red light.

And I, and she fucking pulled up next to me, screaming at me and had her phone out.

And I clearly think she read the ran the red light i mean i'm not even around i am almost 100 certain she ran the red light i went and i pulled up to park and she came up with her phone yelling at me and i knew i was on camera and i knew i had more to lose than she did if i talked back because now she gets to edit it from wherever she wants yeah and i just i just apologized Really?

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what happened.

If I ran that red light, it's my fault.

She goes, you definitely ran that fucking red light.

I said that I apologize.

I wasn't paying attention, but I was just, and I

apologized.

What if she hadn't had that phone out?

Fuck you, whore.

Fucking kicking her window.

I'd wait till she tried to get out of her car.

Then I'd kick her door so it crushed her fucking skull and then unalive the shit out of her.

Fucking.

Good thing for phones.

Man, that's the way to, I mean, that's, you know how many lives I've saved is just having a phone out?

Yeah.

I mean, look at all these people down at the protest in the 101.

Yeah.

Just fucking, you pull a phone out and you're like, and people, people are terrified of the phone.

They're afraid of getting shamed.

Yeah.

Shame is a, shame is worse.

Shame is worse than, ooh, shame is

as bad as death, I guess.

In some cases, yeah.

Yeah, I think that's what we're getting at.

In some cases, it is.

I asked Pete today.

Pete Giuliano no longer works for me.

Everyone knew my assistant, Peter.

was, we caught him on tape saying the N-word.

And so we had to get rid of him.

And

well, it was about any, so we understood what he was doing, but like, but uh, and so we have a new assistant, Kyle, uh, ex-military.

Oh, we were talking today about that, that, because it's on Netflix, is the sub that went down to see the Titanic.

Yeah, and they unalived just

in a second, right?

Yeah,

and I said, what would you rather do?

Have it instant

or fight it.

Fight for it.

Fight for it like a bear.

Fight for it like a snake and you got to get out of the woods.

Fight for it like a pack of wolves have you on top tracked up on the top of a tree.

Fight for it like

you're in a capsized boat in the ocean and you're holding on for dear life for five days with no water, horrible storms, sunburn, sharks circling you.

fight for it or just

what would you rather do fight for it you'd rather oh there's a dude that was stuck out of sea for 436 days and i kind of thought i kind of thought dude how could anyone live that long in the ocean i don't know i didn't read the whole article there you go um

oh my god

But if you know you're gonna, if you're gonna for sure die in either one,

even if you know you're gonna die, I'd still fight for it.

I'd fight for it for the hope that I could get out of it.

Well, yeah, that's that's what you're, yeah, for sure.

I mean, I listen to this podcast.

Me and I listen to this podcast called uh adventure.

It's a noiser, it's about like uh, it's like adventure stories or something.

It's uh, not adventure, it's about I'll tell you what exactly what it is.

Well, hold on, we found this guy.

So, Jose Salvador Alvarenga, a 36-year-old fisherman, survived 438 days, bro.

Dude, he was

his boat got fucked on the first day of fishing.

The first day of fishing.

He was found in January in 2014.

He drifted 6,700 miles.

So he was shark fishing with a younger companion when they separated in a storm.

The other person, Cordova, died, leaving Alvaren alone for the remaining nine months of his ordeal.

He describes surviving by fishing, swimming, and collecting rainwater.

He also credited a strong sense of caregiving, the ability to create imagery realities with keeping him alive.

There's a book called 438 Days.

Holy shit.

His case was the subject of a lawsuit filed by the family.

Do you know why?

Do you want me to tell you why?

Well, I think he ate him.

Yeah.

I mean, that's okay.

I mean, no, they were like, he had to get rid of the body because he was talking to the body because he was hallucinating.

So he had to throw the body over the thing.

But the family is like, yo, bullshit.

You ate him.

And then

you made money off of it.

That's okay.

I feel for him.

Real survival stories.

This is what Isla and I listen to.

And every single one is like, I mean, just better than the other one.

But everyone, they think they're going to die.

They're definitely going to die.

And they fight for it and fight for it.

So I think I'd go, oh, I'm fighting.

I'm definitely fighting.

Did you,

are you having a Hitler summer too?

Like I am?

Like, do you watch?

I watch a lot of.

I realize in the summers, I watch war documentaries.

So I'm watching a World War II doc again.

It's so goddamn good.

The one in color, which one?

It's a six-episode one.

It's it's like World War II in color on Netflix.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, it's fucking amazing.

I think it's the second time I've seen it.

Um,

and actually, I don't think that's the one, I think it's a different one.

Um,

yeah, I think it's a different

one.

But

whichever one it is, it's fantastic, man.

Like I was telling Christina, I was like, there's so many details that

you don't know or remember about it.

So every time, even though I feel like I've seen it, you just go like, like, I was telling, I didn't know

that the part of the directive when we were trying to get Germany to surrender was we just bombed Hamburg and just blew it to sm like just flattened it.

And then there was a, there were survivors that were housed in a building.

And then the, I think it was the Brits that were like, hey, bomb that too, like for all the

civilian survivors.

Can I?

Okay, three things.

Don't let me forget three things.

Three things.

Number one, plutonium.

Plutonium.

Number two, Japan.

Number three, these

movies like Band of Brothers

or

Saving Private Private Ryan are so much more interesting and engaging once you know a little bit about the history.

Like if you don't know anything about the history of World War II and like D-Day, let's take D-Day for an example.

Like I'm watching Band of Brothers, which I never gave a shit about when it came out.

I was like, yeah, I don't like war stuff.

Now that I'm into World War II stuff, I'm watching them, I'm watching the paratroopers jump.

over enemy lines and I'm understanding the history of it that they had flooded the fields so that those guys would drown that they there was a storm and they were getting bombed so they didn't know when to jump out that the planes were getting hit by artillery and people were just getting thrown out that they were getting shot in the sky now that i know the history it is fucking fascinating it's fascinating you know i also found the one thing that you are definitely like hitler in

he's a good friend he's a good friend hitler was yeah to mussolini he really was a good friend to him yeah so next time somebody says, you remind me of Hitler, you just be like, yeah, because he was a great friend to Mussolini.

Sorry.

Did you ever hear what Hitler said to Mussolini when Mussolini passed the wine to him?

He said, Grazi, Nazi.

That's pretty good.

By the way, I never looked this up.

When Hitler and Mussolini would converse, what language did they speak to each other?

Did they speak?

Here we go.

It was the first result.

Despite, and Pluto often struggled to communicate effectively, Mussolini, oh, who spoke some German, initially refused to use a translator, but he found Hitler's rough Austrian accent difficult to understand.

Hitler was known for his lengthy monologues, which Mussolini found boring, despite their shared ideology, their communication at each other.

And he found tedious.

So I like how they're like, okay, so essentially, eventually they used translators, I guess.

Okay.

We should do that one time.

What's that?

We'll use translators.

Oh, okay.

See how, like, yeah, we'll get one Spanish to English translator.

You only talk in Spanish.

Okay.

And then I'll have them translate and we'll see how it turns out.

We could do that.

Yeah, that'd be fun.

Translator.

But we'll dress up.

I'll dress up as Mussolini.

You dress up as another guy.

And then we'll.

I'll dress up as.

Is it racist to dress up as Hitler?

I don't know that it's racist.

It's usually frowned upon.

Oh, do you know who did that one time?

Hmm.

My favorite Megan Markle's husband, H.

Oh, H, yeah, yeah.

H dressed up like Hitler one time.

Fucking frat party.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You know what would be a great costume?

Prince Harry.

Yeah.

That was something that everybody did over the last probably, whatever it is, 60 years until finally I feel like now everyone's like, that's a no-go, right?

Like, no one really does that anymore.

What's the next one?

I remember I had a girlfriend, not a girlfriend, but a girl that I was really close with who was Peruvian, and it was, it was Halloween, and she dressed up like a Puerto Rican.

And I went, you're not allowed to do that.

She was like, I go, first of all, it doesn't look like you dressed up at all.

You just look like yourself.

You just like a Puerto Rican.

You just look like you're Puerto Rican.

She goes, I know, but look at it.

It looks like crazy, right?

And I was like, no, no.

You can't do that.

That's funny.

What's the next one?

What's the next one that are people will be like, you can't dress up like that?

Yeah, what's the next you can't?

Because people have done bin Laden because that's where my mind went for a while.

Did you watch the bin Laden doc?

No.

It's fucking amazing.

which one's the bin Laden dock?

It just came out like a month ago.

Wait, could you dress up like Harry the Nazi?

Oh, that's really good.

Like, I'm not dressing up like a Nazi.

I'm dressing up like Prince Harry.

I'm Prince Harry.

He was a Nazi.

Yeah, no, a lot of people won't make that connection.

I'm not dressing in blackface.

I'm dressing as Justin Trudeau in blackface.

That's right.

Yeah, the blackface thing is still definitely not okay.

Yeah.

You want to try it?

You can do it at at home.

Well, it's a slippery slope about dressing up in blackface because a lot of those face masks they give women are blackface.

What do you mean?

Like those mud masks.

Oh, yeah.

Black women put blackface on.

I go, that's blackface.

That's like, it's like saying the n-word in a different language.

You're still saying the n-word.

Oh, right, right, right.

Yeah.

That's a what?

Is that Justin Trudeau?

Can we learn the N-word in other languages?

That'd be a fun one.

Ooh.

Let's, Let's learn racial epithets in other languages.

Okay, Holin.

Oh, okay.

This is awesome.

Never knew this.

Wow.

There's like fucking downloadable.

Be careful what site this is.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Okay, so

because historically the word became really demeaning in Brazil,

roughly the same word as the N-word in English was criolu,

which is a cognate of Spanish criollo and English creole.

Negro or or negro or preto was and is in principle neutral.

It just means black color.

Okay, so we're looking for what is, there's got to be one that actually lays it out.

No, but that's almost more, that's even like wilder to just be like,

like to say the word black in a different language, but it sounds like it's painful.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's right.

and then what's the one for white?

See, if that's one, if we can teach black people one that hurts us, then what's the what's this one?

Hold on.

In Hebrew, the term kushi can be racially derogatory, particularly with the accent on the ku.

The Italians used to say words like

uh

tizone

or

mulanjan.

No,

that's from uh that's uh Eddie Murphy, didn't he?

The moulian Italian, Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, because that's what's it called?

Eggplant, right?

Isn't that the eggplant thing?

I think so.

I don't know.

I thought eggplant was a dick.

No, no, but the Italians, I think that's supposed to be, yeah, moulian.

That was the, I think that's, isn't that,

oh, it doesn't.

Yeah, based on the provider, is primarily understood as Sicilian dialect for eggplant.

Yeah.

But the eggplant is dark, right?

So that's that's how it was a that was but what let's find out the

other

like horrible racial epithets in another language

right

like uh

uh

god dang what's uh what's an arabic word for slave

abid

Abid means that's an Arabic way of saying it.

These are nice for you to use in public.

Yeah.

You know, like if you're at a restaurant, you're like, what's with all the Abids here, man?

You know?

Yeah, that kind of thing.

Everyone's like, what?

What are you talking about?

Oh, my God.

Oh,

they told us a horrible one in South Africa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What a site is this?

This is on Wikipedia, bro.

This is on Wikipedia.

These are just racial search for everybody?

Yeah.

Wait.

If you scroll down, because it's alphabetical.

Go to the letter K.

Why would it K.

I just want to see if this is.

Okay.

Jay.

There it is.

That's the one they said when we were there.

They were like, that's the worst thing you can say in South Africa.

For real.

Yeah.

I've never heard that.

Well, no, of course not.

It's just there

and the guys were like, yeah, that's the worst word here.

That would be, it would be funny to just very casually say that.

Like, oh, this is my, like,

if you meet like Trevor Noah and you're like, oh, this is my best, my wife's maiden name is that.

Oh,

yeah, that would be.

No one else would hear it.

And he'd be like, what the fuck did you just say?

Yeah.

It's her maiden name.

It's her maiden name.

Yep.

It's not far off my wife's maiden name.

Um, yeah, but see, this is what I was looking for.

See how it says, like, in northeastern Thailand, that's a slur for Vietnamese people.

Do you see it?

Wait, no, I don't see it.

I don't have my glasses.

You just had it.

That one.

I don't even know how to say that.

K-A-E-W.

Sandra, how do you say that?

Because Sandra's Vietnamese, she can say it.

There you go.

I don't think that's Vietnamese.

No, and it's Thai, but that's what they call you.

I don't know.

You've never heard?

You've never been called that?

No.

Would it hurt your feelings if I called you that right now?

Well, it has no meaning to me, so no.

So no, yeah.

So it looks like someone's got a new nickname.

Oh.

Oh, I can't wait.

We're going to get a t-shirt made for you.

It's going to be fun.

God.

It'll only register to Northeastern Thai people.

people

it's only it's so northeastern Thai people would be like oh my god it's so funny because the the we're as we look at these words they have zero meaning to them us cow there it is how do you say it cow

cow oh it's cow

cow cow

sorry Sandra

you can do that when she's slacking off all right you fucking

It's crazy because it has no meaning to me, right?

I know.

It has no meaning to me.

It has no value.

And there's someone in.

There's a fun one.

It's a German slur for Dutch people.

Caskop.

It means German people.

German slur for Dutch.

I feel comfortable saying that one.

Yeah.

Caskop.

Yeah.

Hey, what's a slur for someone who's really red?

Oh,

let's look for Native American slurs.

I literally got in the sauna today, and I was like, don't get in the sauna.

You're going to get very red, and you're going to do the podcast and be like purple.

And now, every time I laugh, I see myself get redder.

Cowish.

Oh, here we go.

Canadian French.

Cowish.

That's my new nickname, Bert Kawish-Kreischer.

There you go.

Bert Kawish Kreischer.

So you did, you did do the.

I did.

I worked out hard as shit.

I have a cough.

So I was coughing like crazy throughout the workout.

Ooh, this sounds like meaner.

What?

Nichie.

That sounds nichey.

That's my new nickname.

Nichie.

Nichie.

Yeah.

If you say that to me, on the road, I'll buy you a drink.

And you'll see how rapid.

A lot of drinks.

I was in the sauna today, and I was with Pete because it's his last day.

And I was like...

And I was just like, I was so dizzy.

I was so dizzy.

And I was like, I was like, God damn it.

I'm going to be so red for this podcast.

And then I'm looking at myself.

I catch myself in a reflection on a camera.

And I'm like, if I laugh, my cheeks get red.

Yeah.

Just like, oh, fuck.

And then I look at my hand next to my face.

I'm like, this doesn't look normal.

Oh, yeah.

You look way redder than your hands.

Jesus.

Oh, my God.

The rest of my body?

Looks like Pacific Samoan people call white people

Palagi or Palagi.

That's a good one.

Palagi.

How?

How do you want in Hawaii what they call us?

Yeah,

it's not that positive.

It never hurt my feelings.

Yeah, I know.

I think the Chinese would call

white people guilos.

That means like ghost,

like ghost face or something.

That sounds scary.

I'm definitely not a ghost.

Yeah.

I'm a Nietzsche.

I'm a Nietzsche Guilo.

Nietzsche.

You fucking Nietzsche.

I'm a Nietzsche Guilo.

I like that it said Ting Tong.

Twink is a gay slur for skinny gay guy.

Oh, my God.

This is.

Okay.

Yeah, these are great, man.

This is a what.

I mean, this is

a poster to the wall.

This is just Wikipedia.

Yeah.

It's giving you everything you need, man.

Holy shit.

There's so many.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

There was a restaurant with one of these names when I was a kid.

Oh, yeah.

Sambo's.

Oh, yeah.

There's a restaurant crazy.

That's the Sambo's.

That is nice.

And you could buy little, you got little wooden nickels that were like quarters that you could get, and they had the picture on it.

Yeah, that's it.

When did Sambo's go out

of business?

Look at that.

There was one on 81 Avenue.

Right?

No, 84, right?

Is that one?

Oh, no.

The last restaurant was renamed in 2020?

No.

It was open in 57.

They expanded to more.

In late 63, it had 16 cities, 98 locations by 69.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Scroll back up.

In 79, there was 1,117

Sambos.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

I remember that we we went to the one on Fletcher, and right when they changed their name, they changed their name to like

Chad's.

No.

That's what it said.

At the end, there it said in 2020, it was renamed it Chad's after the owner, Chad Stevens.

That's it took George Floyd for he was like, all right, it's Chad.

All right.

Everybody happy now?

I think they did change it to Chad's.

Yeah.

They changed it to something else when I was in like, when I was like 10.

I had to be younger than that, probably eight.

And I remember that's the last time we went there.

They're like, they've changed.

That's incredible.

Let's go to Chad's now.

Chad's is so much more offensive, I think.

It's a horrible name.

Yeah.

God, can you imagine?

For a restaurant?

Ugh.

You want to go to Chad's?

Never.

No.

Don't you have something like Sambo's around?

We sell sell French fries, but no salt or anything.

It's just French fries.

It's so, oh, yeah.

Can I get a cheeseburger?

We don't do that.

We just hamburgers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you want chicken fingers?

I like chicken fingers.

Can I get ranch?

We don't do ranch.

No, there's just mayo here.

We only do mayo.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ, man.

It's crazy when you think, when you think, like, people, you know, like, there was a guy named Derek, like, that I knew growing up.

And then I realized the other day, I was like, God, man, his dad could have picked any name and he picked Derek.

Yeah.

Like I understand when you name a kid after yourself, like Albert Charles Chrysler III,

but like you just went, oh, he's calling him Derek.

Yeah.

It's just such a weird thing.

It's a weird choice if it's not a fan.

Because there weren't Derek's.

When did the name Derek, there weren't Derek's like in like the 1950s?

Feels like it may have started like, yeah, that was like 72.

Yeah.

Derek.

I knew a bunch of Derek's growing up.

It originates from the old germanic name theodoric which means people ruler ruler of the people

i don't think that's why they named derek derrick no the derek i knew was not a ruler no

um

wait did do you know like our clip went viral where you were talking about this office and then i was like well your place has is a fucking like yarn collectors.

Leanne gave me a lot of shit about that.

that like she was mad

yeah i i didn't know it went viral i saw that i just i made me laugh yeah it's so funny dude um did you see me in um in ai as a woman like with that filter it looks like i should work in your office let me see it can you find it yeah we have it it looks like i should be in your bullpen 100

i love you richard thank you so much i can't believe i'm saying this but burt really nailed this one go yourself richard

Even when I'm funny, people go, why don't you do that more often?

And you're like, fuck, just laugh.

Just have a good time.

Just enjoy it.

And just don't look at my face.

There I am.

Look.

Oh, my.

That's not you.

Yeah, that's me in the filter.

Don't I look like I work downstairs?

You kind of look like Rachel.

Yeah.

You do look like you go work for me.

Totally.

It looks like a little secret slut.

Doesn't it look like...

You dismiss something I say.

Like, I go, hey, can we get this?

And you go, oh, yeah, whatever, Bert.

Sure, Bert, whatever.

Here we go.

Now you do work for me.

Doesn't it look like a whore, like a secret whore?

Like you think she's a nice girl, but she's really,

how did they do that?

That is great AI filter.

I don't know.

Did they do that without your beard?

No, I just did it.

They just, the, the filter just takes it off.

We got to do one of Bert, though.

Yeah, do one of me.

I'd love to see me as a fucking whore.

Would you smash or pass on this?

Uh, in college, I probably would have.

i'd pass if you had big tits maybe maybe in college maybe in college now

yeah

no fuck no fuck that pig well you have big tits yeah thanks man i your hair is a little blah for me you don't like the hair no i can tell i did my highlights highlights more highlights

more more highlights More highlights, and your nose looks like you've been punched a couple times.

Well, I probably have been, like, fucking back talking bitch.

Yeah.

What was your thing about Japan?

What about Japan?

You asked us to, like, don't forget, you want to talk about Japan?

Dude, I had the, I mean, I know that I'm, I know that I say stupid shit sometimes.

I just had the realization that plutonium

is

real.

Like, it's not created.

It's a fucking rock they dig up in Africa.

Wait, what did you?

I don't understand.

I assumed that nuclear bombs and plutonium and all that nuclear energy, I assumed that was created in a lab.

Okay.

I never knew that you can actually dig up plutonium.

I thought that was shit you saw in superhero movies.

Oh.

I didn't know plutonium was a real rock they dug up in Africa, and then we bought like 100 tons of plutonium.

And then we created bombs with it.

Like I had no clue.

Is that why you're tying it to Japan?

Yeah, because i was just studying uh not studying but i was reading about or not reading i was listening to a podcast about you know what i'm trying to say yeah hiroshima nagasaki about hiroshima and nagasaki did you know that nagasaki was their second choice

um

i had seen the uh

this in one of the docs yeah the nagasaki that they went to go bomb a better city first

and they had cloud coverage and they're like fuck it let's just do nagasaki oh no i didn't know that yeah they they were supposed to do a different city, and they couldn't see it from cloud coverage, so they just did Nagasaki.

But plutonium,

you can, like, out of all the rocks, right?

You get diamonds, you get gold, you get silver, you get platinum, you get all these different metals and rocks.

Plutonium is a natural thing that grow that you

is you have to get cancer if you dig up plutonium, right?

I don't even know.

I have, I have no, you're, Where do we get plutonium from?

I think it's Africa.

We'll just find out.

It is crazy that you can get plutonium from Africa.

That's wild.

Plutonium,

primarily produced in nuclear reactors through a process called neutron capture.

While trace amounts of plutonium exist naturally in the Earth's crust under specific geological conditions, most plutonium is man-made.

Okay.

The main process involves uranium-238 absorbing neutrons, transforming it into Neptunium-239, which then decays into plutonium-239.

So it is actually mostly man-made.

But you can also dig it up.

Like I think for our first bomb, we bought plutonium from Africa.

Really?

I think so.

I don't know.

Fucking don't listen to me.

Plutonium occurs naturally in trace amounts.

Let's see.

It is found found in nature in extremely small quantities.

I don't know.

It doesn't say here where.

Type in Manhattan Project

and

purchase plutonium.

Okay.

Manhattan Project.

Purchased.

Plutonium was produced as an alternative to enriched uranium for the use in atomic bombs.

Was the da-da-da-da?

Dropped on Nagasaka.

The project's Hamford site was dedicated to plutonium production.

I wonder if we bought uranium.

Maybe it was.

Dude, let's buy some plutonium.

Caboka has plutonium wedding rings.

Yeah.

They needed large quantities of uranium.

14% was acquired from the Colorado Plateau.

Okay.

Yeah.

It sounds like you need to listen to that podcast again, actually.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Not the best.

I listen to podcasts while I sleep.

And it kind of like half stays in your head.

Can I tell you what I'm looking for?

Is a nice fuck adventure.

Okay, here you go.

You were right.

What?

Sort of.

Well, they purchased uranium from what is now the Congo in Africa.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah.

There you go.

I would love,

if you guys could make this,

I would love a great

adventure fuck podcast.

Adventure fuck?

History adventure fuck podcast.

So start with history.

So I fall asleep, right?

So tell me about the Manhattan Project or whatever.

And then like

20 minutes in,

plug me into the adventure.

Oh, okay.

So like, like, start talking about the Manhattan Project and then be like, and that's when they had to go to the Congo.

And then start talking about about going to the congo yeah we've got our guns on the boat there's crocodiles everywhere the natives are hiding in trees with blow darts and and we got a thing and next to you is a beautiful uh congolese woman with no bra she's grabbing your dick she's jerking it off oh wow sucking your cock and then because i dream about i dream about whatever i listen to Sure.

Like the other day I had a big, I had a dream that Big Jay was trying to board of the Titanic.

And I was like, I can't let you on, Jay.

You're not going to be on the upper class.

They're going to keep you on the lower deck.

So we got to, Jay, trust me, listen to me, buddy, with your earrings.

And they're not going to welcome you.

You need to be.

And so I dream about whatever I listen to, but I would love, and by the way, put, sprinkle some ads in, but I would love a podcast that took me, it bored me, so I fell asleep and took me on an adventure and then gave me a wet dream.

And that was like brought to you by Coca-Cola.

I mean, it sounds like you should maybe pitch that.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

shut the fuck up.

Shut.

I look hot as fuck.

I look

smashable.

Holy shit.

I'm hot.

Even Leanne.

But you look like a woman that's been through some cocks.

Like that.

Oh, yeah.

No, I've been on the casting couch before.

Yeah.

I didn't get this part for my talent.

No, this woman is

like run through, but I like it.

Good.

Like, you know, it's like, yeah, you're like a hot older whore.

Yeah.

I look like a mom in an 80s sitcom.

Yeah, dude.

But like on her fourth marriage, you know, fuck.

I love white wine.

I love Virginia Slims.

This lady.

I play tennis on the weekend, but I only play the first match, and then I give up and start drinking.

Yeah, that's overuse of fucking lipstick, too.

Jesus.

Are you saying he looks like Jennifer Tilly?

I do look like Jen Tilly a little bit, don't I?

A little bit.

A little bit.

Yeah.

Do I have an accent?

That woman, no.

Uh-uh.

Look at that.

You bitch.

You got nice eyes.

I have beautiful eyes.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm so much more wholesome.

Yeah.

Yeah, my chick is like wholesome.

Post those to Instagram today.

Yeah.

And say, who would you smash, Bert or Tom?

Oh, I think we know who the answer is going to be.

Look at that.

Yeah, I look like such a nice girl.

You're the one who's like, come with me, bitch.

I'll show you how to get a man.

That's what it looks like.

That you would take.

Okay,

I want you to come in me.

You let people come in you.

Right.

I'm just like.

Like, you do it because you're needy and you're like, I want them to like me.

I just go, I want to feed, I want to be abused.

Yeah, you definitely.

You asked to get like choked out and spit on, slashed.

Oh, yeah.

That's what you're making covering all the bruises.

Oh.

And you're like,

I love Sucking Dick.

And but you don't really love Sucking Dick and you don't love watching sports, but you tell people you love sports.

Yep.

That's very good.

All right.

You've seen these two whores.

Let us know who you want to bang.

Yeah.

We got to run, but this was fun.

I love you.

Love you too, man.

See you guys next week.

what we call two bears, one cave.