Kinky Kings w/ Jim Norton | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

100%.

Well, Bert is recovering from quadruple bypass.

It's going to be a few weeks, but as he recovers, we have some great friends stopping in.

And stopping with us right now is one of our absolute favorite comics.

You can see his new special unconceivable on his YouTube channel.

It's Jim Norton, everybody.

Thank you, Tom.

Oh, thank you for that applause.

Doesn't that feel good?

It feels good, even though I know that no matter who you introduced, that would happen.

Joseph Goebbels, they would still do it.

But the fact that you said June Norton, they clapped, you're right.

It taps into my needs.

Speaking of Goebbels, man, it's a Hitler summer here.

We are.

By that, you mean great.

I've been watching nothing but World War II docs because sometimes you're like, I've seen it, and then a new one comes out, which I also am, I'm just fascinated.

How many more docs can we do about Hitler?

Like,

you think it's covered, and they're like, no, no, no.

There's a new eight-bar series, but they're all fascinating.

I know.

It's like, how many delicious flavors of ice cream can I have?

There's a new one.

The color footage of him is very crazy.

Like, when you see footage of behind the scenes, Hitler, like when he was chatting with people and he was like doing his little friend, like the friendly, like the friendly

and smiling and laughing with locals, like, oh, God, it's the same guy.

Yeah.

And he's, it goes up to like the, when the youth kids are joining and he shakes each one's hand and he taps their face like this and he's like, you're a good boy.

And then he walks to the next one and you're like, oh, he's like this affable guy that everyone, you're like, how come we don't see more of this?

I'm tired of seeing.

The negative spin.

Yeah.

The angry grimace.

I did see, I read an article about a guy.

He was a Jewish guy who lived.

He was one of Hitler's neighbors.

And it was, I think he wrote a book.

And it was when Hitler first came to power.

And this guy was a very small kid.

And he was one of the few people alive who'd had like a personal interaction with Hitler.

But it was mostly just from seeing him as a neighbor.

And then as the Third Reich got worse and worse, his his family, his father sent him away.

And then his father luckily lived and met up with him.

But as a kid, he said he would see Hitler around.

And you could just start to feel the tone change.

And the family got out of there.

The shift kind of happened.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like when a comic starts selling tickets.

Yeah.

Something's going on.

Not the same guy.

It's not the same guy.

Oh, there it is.

Hitler, my neighbor.

I mean, wow, he really is on the nose.

Right.

Wow.

Wow.

You read this book?

No, no, no.

Of course not.

I read a I read a brief summation of it.

Okay.

But I wanted to come off like I read it, but I literally just read like an article on the book.

Yeah,

that's pretty fascinating.

Especially to be someone who was like, oh, you mean my neighbor?

Yeah.

The guy that, yeah, I used to see him go for a stroll, get a coffee.

They'd wake me up with the fucking lawnmower.

Yeah.

That's insane.

But those docs are so fucking good, man.

They are.

They're so good.

And you also realize, especially because we have wars going on right now, that there will never be the type of war, like even if there were World War III tomorrow, it wouldn't look like those wars.

Like, with the way technology evolved, this was like, you know, the people were just like, I, I love my country and I'm just going to battle.

And it was just, you know, it was like, get the gun, hang out in this burned-out building.

I just feel like now, you know, we have drones and, you know, fighter jets.

It's just, it's a completely different thing.

It's impersonal.

Like, and like people would lie about their age just to go and fight.

They love the country.

And you know what they said that people miss when they see especially like world war one documentaries is they said the smell of shit on the battlefield it smelled so much like human shit because people had to shit outdoors or in trenches and they like that's the thing that doesn't translate when you watch it but it really stunks and i think of that now whenever i see it really yeah yeah i saw this uh in this doc this guy um was uh i think he was a brit He was either British or American, and he was in the,

I didn't even, some of these things remind you that like World War II extended into North Africa, which is something I think is lost on us a lot.

So there's this battle there.

He gets captured.

He's a POW.

And he's like, we go on this like thousand-mile drive in the back of trucks standing because it's all just packed.

Yeah.

And people just stood and shit and like for the, they weren't going to stop for us.

So we just stood there and shit.

Yeah, it's disgusting.

Disgusting.

But you don't think of it when you watch it.

You're like, wow, the trenches, people kind of glorify it.

It's like, no, people were pissing and shitting in the corner.

It's just, it's awful.

vile and awful not nothing worse what was the movie uh 1916 or 1917 17 that they said that i i don't know if they cut it all but they said it was all one shot i'm sure they cut yeah but it looks that was a great movie incredible movie incredible yeah because that

that first sequence follows that one actor yeah for like 25 minutes without without seemingly a cut yeah like he just yeah there's a moment where he'll run behind something yes that's like like a black uh screen for for a half second.

You're like, okay, they could have cut there.

Maybe they can just do it now and make it look like they can.

I think they can, yeah.

What was the show that came out?

Every episode was like one shot.

Adolescence?

I didn't see that.

Is that a Netflix show?

Yes.

Is that the one where the kid was

like whether he was a black kid, but they made him a white kid for the show?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Maybe that's not the one.

The only thing about one where there was a murder.

Yeah,

this is the one.

Oh, yeah.

I think people, there was, the only thing I know about is people are mad that they changed the race and made him a white kid, if it's the one I'm thinking of.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

So it's based on...

A black kid killing somebody, but they made him a white kid, and I don't know why or what the story really is.

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Yeah, each episode is one continuous take, which is really, it's insane when you watch it.

You're like, how are they going to do this?

There are little things, though, where, like, you know, because

they don't.

Obviously cut every time, like, if we were talking and then you got up, you know, the camera tracks you.

Yeah.

But like when it go, when you walk past the doorway and you go like, you know, I mean, like that moment where it's covering the door isn't a moment you can cut as well.

Absolutely, but you probably cut down on inconsistency.

Like, like when you're editing a special and you go back and you realize, like, oh, fuck, that was from the late show.

And I'm going from here

to there.

And it's like, those, those are the things that are really hard about piecing something together.

Yeah.

And then that's when you cut to the crash side of the person going, yeah, I know.

I know.

I hate

the fucking crap.

I use them once in a while for the same reason everybody else uses them.

Yeah.

But Louis actually turned me off.

Like, we had talked years ago, and he's like, I just like, it's black.

I don't want to see the audience.

And I was like, I was like, yeah, he's kind of right.

Like, who the fuck needs to see an Asian girl?

And they show an Asian girl laughing.

That's like a Comedy Central thing.

The other one that somebody put in my head, I don't remember who it was, but ever since they said it, you know, you can't stop thinking of it.

Yep.

Is

when a comic walks out.

And there's like two minutes of applause.

And you're like, if you're, if you know the person, you're a huge fan, sure, you go, but like, if you're just like, who is this?

You're just going to watch people clap, you're like, get to the, start talking.

Yeah.

I'm cutting that down with something that somebody put in my head.

Like, don't just sit there and have you walk out, wave.

How's it going?

Isn't this great to be here?

What's up, Phoenix?

What's up, Phoenix?

Yuck.

Cut that.

But you're right.

But that's more like for YouTube, too.

Like,

this one was done by the homeless pimp who's like, you know, legendary.

Yes.

But he goes, no, just start with mid-joke or a joke.

Just you're on stage.

There's no walk up.

No one cares.

Get to it, stupid.

And he was right.

No, I think that, I think that's a really cool move that is like, just get to it.

I just was watching somebody, like a notable comic, and it was, I mean, borderline three minutes of walkout, applause, looking around.

Thank you.

It's great to be here.

It's great to be in this city.

More applause.

And you're like, what are we doing here, man?

Like, let's get to it.

Yeah, we don't need to see your victory lap before you've told one joke.

You haven't done anything yet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got to get to the joke.

Where did you shoot Unconceivable?

Village Underground.

I'm glad you said the name because this is true.

I originally called it Domesticated Animals.

And then someone told me, oh,

Brett Ernst.

has one called and I didn't know that.

I'm so dumb, I didn't Google it.

So I immediately changed it.

And Unconceivable, I figure, is pretty accurate.

And it's a weird word, but I just keep forgetting what it's called.

So

I'm glad you said that, but I hate watching myself so much.

Oh, it's the worst.

Isn't it terrible?

It's the worst.

And you can always tell who's a piece of shit if they like watching themselves.

You can tell, dude.

I remember being in a green room one time where we were having this type of conversation, and some comic was like, don't you, he just volunteered, don't you just love watching clips of yourself?

And I was like, what?

And he was like, yeah, I just go home and I watch myself.

And I go, you're you're a psychopath that's a sociopathic thing to do and and to not read that other people hate you for it you hate yeah and he he was just lost you know can you watch i i can't i'll do it during an edit like again it's part it's still part of the thing but like i know guys who can watch themselves in front of other people and like look for the land and i'm like oh horrible really cringe my last special I got the call after months.

They go, hey, we're going to have to move your air date if you don't actually watch a cut.

Because I kept going, like, yeah, yeah, I'll get to it.

Oh, yeah, putting it off, putting it off, and they were like, Oh, you don't actually do that now, we're gonna have to move the date.

And I was like, All right, because I hate

that.

And then you just go, Look at my fucking, my voice is weird, my hands, yeah, nice blinking, nice delivery, frogneck.

Yeah, believe it.

It's a real exercise in self-hatred.

Yes, but I can do it just until it's done, but then once it's done, I'll never

look at it again.

The worst too is I remember one time, I gotta actually, now I know what to do, but I did a private for this, like this, you know, corporate kind of thing.

Yeah.

And I got there and I met one of the people and my big mistake, I was like, oh,

yeah, I'm excited to do whatever, like what I'm on tour with now.

And the guy was like, oh, no, no, no.

Like, we want, he cited specific bits.

I want to hear this and I want to hear this.

And I was like, oh, shit.

And some of those at the time were like,

I don't know, five, six, seven years old.

Literally, you know the bit, but I remember how it goes.

Sure.

like the beats.

Yeah, so I was like, okay, well, thanks for telling me.

And so I downloaded the like from albums my bits because I was like, oh, yeah, to like hear the rhythm and like, oh, yeah, the words and how it goes.

So I'm sitting there in my hotel room, like trying to like memorize because some of it feels vaguely familiar, but you're like, oh, yeah, I got to pause here.

I know I'm not going to do it well.

Anyway, I forget that I do that.

And now those stand-up bits of mine are on my iPhone library.

So if I have like a shuffle playing, sometime my own stand-up comes on.

And you definitely, I go, I'll just drive into this poll.

Yeah.

I'm going to unbuckle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I have a couple exactly on Spotify the same thing.

I'm such an again, such an idiot.

I'm like, well, I might as well support my own work, you know, fucking eager dummy in his 50s trying to capture the internet.

But watching, like, you forget how to get into something.

Like, I forget that, like, if I say this, but I forget the word that always springboarded me into it so if I have to just do a bit from the atmosphere that I did 10 years ago I'm fucking doomed I can't remember how to get into it I don't know how to get into it either and I've never done it since it's been taped I stopped doing it and it's yeah as soon as you're I tape I also let it go I just go that's done yeah it's funny how I've one time a guy was like do this bit and I just was like all right and I started it and I was like seven words in I was like I forget what's next yeah and then like he starts doing the bit like he has it memorized better than i do because you just you like there's only so much room in your head yeah and it's like and the But people who like will do something and they shoot it and it's been out there for a while.

And then you see them on the road two years later and they're doing the same thing.

And it's like, how do you not, how do you not hang yourself?

How do you not want to kill yourself doing the same jokes?

You know, it's funny because we have these conversations about this.

And it's like, that guy, though, that's doing that to you.

He also is the one who's like, I feel stuck in my career.

And you're like, well, yeah, you're not evolving at all.

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And that's the beauty of it.

Like, I know, like, I never feel stuck.

Like, I'm finished.

And there's a big difference between being stuck and finished.

Yes.

I've accepted

the peak in 2007.

Really did take a sharp nosedive.

You have to accept where you're at.

No, well,

but your stand, like I told you this when you were here last.

Like, you are, one of the things I admire so much.

I talk about this thing on stage even right now, is that

like I learned that people,

when you feel shame about anything, it grows in you and it stays and it actually can become overwhelming when you don't share it with someone.

And then you have this thing where it

feels like, oh, well, you're so comfortable sharing what would be shameful and therefore

opening up about it.

Like, was that something that you knew to do or you just took a leap one day?

I don't remember.

It would make the other comics laugh.

Like in the early, like 1990, 91 at the open mics and like the Sheratons in New Jersey.

Like the other comics responded to it.

So I was like, all right, this feels kind of good to make those guys laugh.

Yeah, because they're hard to get respect from, you know.

And it just felt good to get it out.

Like, I always feel like the reaction is strong when people connect with it.

Yes.

And it felt like now that I've said it, it's not a painful thing that I'm trying to hide anymore.

Exactly, right.

And again, in 2003, when I did, there was a show in Montreal called the,

it was like the confessing it so I started confessing things I had never talked about right um was that scary yes and no I hadn't really I had joked about it a little bit but like I did then I did a bit one of them was about fucking a transsexual in a car

It was a true story.

I mean, I gave a young lady a ride.

And I think even at that point, I was still lying and pretending I didn't know.

There was one other thing.

I knew.

I could tell from, you know, across the street.

Someone told me I have the eye.

I could literally spot it from Google Earth with the transition.

And there was one other thing, but it feels great to just spit it out because what are you going to do?

I don't care if people like it.

Once you've said it and you've put it in their face, I don't care how they react to it.

But that's like, and I feel like that perspective is like an earned thing.

Like some people go, I don't care.

You're like, yeah, you do.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like yours feels genuine, but you've also have, you also have this resume of being like, yeah, I let it out.

I shared the thing.

Well, I've also had enough time.

Like, I care about it being funny.

I definitely care about that.

Like, I don't want to, someone just standing up there blathering out childhood trauma.

Yeah.

Big deal.

Anyone could do that.

You have to, yeah.

Have the jokes.

Make it funny.

It's like, otherwise, you're just a fucking asshole doing a TED talk.

Like, do that, but don't tell yourself you're a comic.

There's a few that are like doing that and they're doing very well.

Yeah, she is.

You're just like, you're just giving your speech.

It's very strange.

And it's easy to do.

But as years have gone on, especially from radio, like I've gotten enough emails and contacts from people who go like, I'm so glad you talked about that because I had that or I was ashamed of that.

So that's when you start to realize, like, yeah, I don't care if people don't like this because enough people, they'll never go out and tell the world, hey, I feel good that he said that because it made me feel better.

Right.

But they've, they've told me.

Yeah.

And that does feel good.

It feels great.

Are there any, because you've been so open about kinks, are there kinks that you were once like, wow, this is something.

And now you're like, it's so boring.

Like, do you evolve past the kinks?

Kind of a little bit.

Yeah, because what felt taboo like being a cuck i always like being a cuck i thought it was so dirty and taboo yeah but now i'm married and it's like no i don't want her fucking somebody and then spitting in my mouth

i don't want that i wouldn't like that

you brush your teeth you blew the uber driver did you like the the cuck play role play like or like those those scenarios where like the what the big stud comes in is that that kind of thing or does it just any guy yeah it could just be a guy with a bigger dick than like it was just it was was but it was some kind of a humiliation thing and it would be the like the tethering somebody is like mentally tethering you along um like i was talking mental of it is so it's everything it's everything and you learn i feel like as you as i've gotten older that you know when you're like 16 you're just like this woman's beautiful like if she's hot she's yeah that's that's what you want and then as you get older you're like oh it's all in like the attitude and the way someone speaks and like how they're, you know, they could be objectively a six or whatever, but like something about them, you're like, no, she's a 10 because of the way she carries herself.

She communicates trigger words.

It's anticipation and like whether they know, like there are some people in life.

Like one of my exes was a great dirty talker.

And we would talk dirty and she was talking about fucking other guys.

And she just knew where I wanted her to go without me saying it.

And like when people do that, it's like, that's against like you're just following, but they're like breadcrumbing all this perversion in front of you yes without you setting it up yes it's like setting up your own surprise party it's just not the same right so uh but yeah i've got like the cuck stuff i'll still watch it online but i it's like yeah i don't want to see that in real life i've gotten more

like less needing that stuff because i'm only having sex with one person so you kind of you're you kind of you come back a little bit you know the the uh the tide comes back in a little yeah and it's still fulfilling enough still thrilling enough i mean you know, let's be honest, married.

No, it is, because none of it is worth wrecking the marriage for.

Yeah.

And I say to myself, like, I was so attracted to my wife.

If I'm, if I all of a sudden don't want to be sexual with her anymore, then something is really wrong with me because I'll meet other people I'm attracted to, but I'll never meet anyone who has more of an effect on me at one point than she did.

So I'm like, then I know it's just my addictive thinking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

It's like you have a lot of awareness, though, about it.

Yeah, because I've done done everything wrong you can do, like, or most things wrong.

So it's like, I've destroyed relationships.

I've gotten caught.

I've fucking cheated.

What's the like most, have you ever had a thing where you're like, you're alone?

Like, you're not, but you feel like the most degenerate?

Like, you're just like, oh, this, this is like,

I feel like I went crazy.

You know, a lot of times when I would go out with a girl and I knew I could fuck her, but instead I would avoid the sex just to go home and jerk off thinking about what the sex would have been like.

Wow.

That's a fascinating one.

That's a perversion.

And it's also, then you realize it's not about sex.

I didn't care about the, it's dopamine and it's keeping the high going.

Yeah.

It's almost like if you have a joint, instead of just sitting there smoking the joint, you take one hit, stop for an hour, take one hit, stop.

You're just making it last, making it last, making it last.

That's what that was.

Wow.

Like once I had sex with someone, you know,

you're back.

Yeah.

Here's the world.

Here's life.

So let me extend, extend, extend.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So I would do that a lot.

Like I would go out on a i've had a lot of experiences even with prostitutes i would like see somebody and hook up and then not come um most so much of it was the ritual of riding around looking they had to approach the right side of my car it was all this bizarre stuff that was just part of a get hub part yeah so all that because all that is a dopamine release yeah it was it's such a good feeling too but it's such a fascinating thing that i don't feel like i don't even think a lot of people even grasp entirely what you're saying you know who who like because what you're saying is that you know we get dopamine from our brains, from like either achieving things or doing pleasure-seeking things, but you're, there's this thing that happens automatically that like if you you hit something, you get a threshold, the dopamine levels will go down.

So you need to basically either, if it's a dopamine drip from challenging behavior, you need to make the challenge higher.

And if it's from like pleasure, you need to up the whole experience to make the thrill higher.

So, like, you're getting dopamine from even the pursuit, right?

The pursuit and like looking for someone.

All this is tied together.

It all kind of gives you the dopamine.

Yeah.

And Mike Tyson had a great term for it, which he said he got from a therapist.

And I believe it was baseline normal.

Like the things you have to do,

okay, just to feel normal.

Like without the dopamine, without that rush, I felt like below zero, like I was in a pit.

So like I had to do a lot of things, tweedle the nipples, text somebody, you know, just pervert.

And And then all of a sudden, okay, I'm good.

Feel normal.

I'm regular.

Yeah.

And then it starts going up.

So it's like a Facebook

or Twitter, whenever you see the little red thing, bing, being, it's the same kind of a feeling of

that little, that little bing, that little message, that little, oh, my view count is good.

It's all

the same thing.

And I hate myself for at times still requiring that.

Yeah.

Fucking weakling.

Yeah.

Somebody said too that like they realize that when you see a selfie posted from someone, like, just, hey, it's a selfie, that that is a clear need for that affirmation for people, you know, and like, once you get that thought in your head, you're like, oh, yeah, then you see the self, you're like, this person needs approval right here.

And then, if you take your own selfie, you're like, what am I fucking needing to pitch right now?

Yeah, I really am.

I'm as big of a weasel as that person

criticized.

And you notice it in opinions, too.

People who are like, and again, I don't mean don't post opinions.

We're all, it's like a big conversation, great.

But people who are obsessive, it's almost like I'll play this game with myself where somebody who I really annoys me, I'll go to their Twitter just to see,

I bet you they're talking about this.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's, it's, I don't hate watch a series, but I do that almost, it's like going to the fucking gym mentally.

I'm like, am I right or am I being a pre-judging asshole?

Yep.

And a lot of times I'm right.

I'm like, yeah, you're right.

They are obsessive dummies.

So I kind of catch, I don't want to be that, so I try not to do that.

I know this, I try to do it less too.

There's a few people who message me all the time who go, why haven't you spoken out yet?

Oh,

about, you know, like Palestine, Israel.

Like, huh?

Why haven't I?

That's what you're looking for?

Yeah.

You're like, this, if once you, Tom, speak out, then we'll find the resolution.

Like, I don't need to.

I mean, no, and it's also, it's also what they're doing is so self-serving.

There's a really weird parasitic nature of people needing, because they they don't care about you or what you think.

They want to go, all right, Tom's going to say something.

Do I, if he says the right thing, it validates me.

I agree.

I feel strength.

And if you say something wrong, well, fuck him.

There's the dopamine rush of getting angry.

Of getting angry, yeah.

But it's all parasitic.

It's all them somehow taking something from your opinion.

It's total bullshit.

They don't care about what you think.

No.

And they want to just, whatever your opinion is, then they get to go, oh, you're in this cat.

Like, they want to categorize you, you know?

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I always think of this, it's always pops in my head that one time I went to a gun range and it was like so fun.

They like they train people how to shoot, you know, for the movies there.

So like they were filming and posting videos, and I posted one of these videos.

And

it's so funny to see people go didn't know you were um into this understand and unfollowed and you're like what yeah because of what oh because there's a gun at a gun range like where you're supposed to shoot them like it's but they they that person felt like oh I know who you are now yeah and they're dumb they're really stupid yeah and I don't ever care if they unfollow me or they're mad about it no it's actually good when you go great I'm happy to lose you I'm happy you're gone yeah because it's a level of stupidity and it's like this it's really weird thing.

It's like a terrible weakness masquerading a strength where people are going around and it's like, this is my, they think that they're telling such truths.

What they're also doing is making everyone who agrees with them already happy.

Yeah.

Like they act like I'm just pissing them off, but it's like, now you forget the other 50% dummy is you're entertaining and getting the approval of people who are already agreeing with you.

And that's what you want.

You want to serve that master.

Right.

You want people to go like, you did the right thing.

The amount of people who like, that's their currency is like, I said something that I know someone else will applaud me for you're like you feel you're pretty lost they want some zilts to go good on you good on you good on you which i loathe yeah it's good for you i'm good on you that's it's a real old-timey way of doing it i hate it and i hate by the way when the fucking brits uh say i went to hospital yeah you went to the hospital it drives me crazy and i don't understand why they removed the word the i went to prom a lot of people say that what about maths which one maths maths yeah i've never heard that really people say maths brits oh yeah when i was taking maths that's very irritating yeah i didn't know that i'm actually going over to london and now it's gonna bother me oh yeah if you you can find that for sure that um

yeah they the why why do they do that i don't know i don't i don't either i mean by the i he was in hospital In the UK, maths is the common term for the subject where we use math.

The difference is a minor point of distinction.

No, it's not.

Reflecting a difference in how the plural noun mathematics is abbreviated in the dialect.

Yeah, it's like, yeah, I was studying, I was doing my maths, and you're like, no.

And what they're forgetting is, and it's a major issue, you're right.

Because TH and S, nobody likes a TH followed by

it's a hard sound, it's unpleasant.

It is.

You see Orson Welles when he's doing that read for Ps, and he goes, it's not pleasant to say.

It's not fun to say.

You've seen his, when he's pilled out of his mind, doing

the French champagne has always been known for its excellent.

Oh, Palma San?

Was it Palma San?

Yes, Paul Mexin.

Yeah, dude.

He's absolutely fucking plastered.

What news is there is a French champagne?

Turn camera.

He doesn't do anything.

That's how he starts this.

Action Awesome, please.

Action North.

He doesn't do anything.

No, it's

rolling.

102, take two.

These poor people.

The French champagne

has always been celebrated for its excellence.

There is a California champagne bag.

And by the way, the guy and the woman with him, they are doing a scene with Orson Welles.

And they're looking at it probably like, he's fucking killed out of his head.

He's bonnet.

And they're also

terrified because he was a guy.

There's audio of him doing those things.

One was for Mrs.

Somebody's Pete, and he still sounds good yeah like he's still orson well yeah yeah but when you listen to him doing that and he's snapping at the engineer it doesn't feel good and and crisp crumb coating he was doing one for and uh he was very intimidating and he would really upset these people because he would snap quickly they're so scared they're terrified because he's the guy who they say makes the greatest film ever made so it's awesome you know

in other words i'll just i'll have to second link don't you think you really want to say july over the snow isn't that the farther

If you can make it almost when that show disappears.

A snow-covered field and say every July, peas grow there.

We know a remote farm in Lincolnshire where Mrs.

Buckley lives.

Every July, peas grow there.

We're not even in the fields, you see.

We're talking about them growing, and she's picked them.

Oh, what?

I don't understand you then.

What must be over for July?

When we get out at Snowy Field.

When I was out, we were onto a can of teas, a big dish of teas when I said in July.

Oh, I'm sorry, yes, always just

snapping at the engineer,

unhappy with the way the camera was being like.

You've heard the Shatner one, I don't know.

Oh, William Shatner is doing a read,

and it's it's clearly like a sound engineer who he does overstep for a moment where he's like, maybe uh

maybe like intonate, maybe go up at the end or something.

And he's like, what's that?

And he's like, you know, like, like when you read it, like, he gives him like a little direction.

Ooh.

And then William Shatner is like,

okay.

And he goes, no, no, no.

I'm going to do it just the way you said it.

And the guy's like, no, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

He's like, no, no, no.

And he does like a shit read.

Was it Oldman who wound up?

Oh, no, no, it's Christian Bale, where he yells at the person who walked in his sight line.

Yes.

And technically, he's right.

It's like, how dumb?

Because he keeps keeps going, you have rank amateur, you fucking amateur.

But it's like the guy was an idiot to not know that he's doing a scene and he should have handled it better.

He should have handled it better, but it is kind of the thing where you're like, if you're trying to like, you're in this like scene and you're really prepared and it's emotional.

And then like people like, because when we were shooting this thing, if you hear like hammering or something, you're like, dude, I can't fucking do this.

Yeah.

Right.

That's why he like stopped the work.

You like, let the thing happen.

Yeah.

So, I mean, did he lose his shit?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

But,

yeah i mean i kind of i kind of get it yeah i do too and people were like oh how terrible is he but it just made me love his work more yeah because i'm like he really uh he really cares about getting there properly or like when cruz lost his shit on his crew covered during covid yeah and you're like well yeah i mean he's like this whole fucking thing can get shut down if you fucks break the rules you know he did say one thing that then then like there's always that one thing they do you're like ah where he says something about like we're saving hollywood like he made some some comment that you're like, you didn't have to say that.

You could have just kept doing what you were.

But yeah, he was technically right to be pissed off.

He was, uh, he was very pissed.

Yeah.

And what are you going to say?

It's Tom Cruise.

And he's also the guy who fucking he hung off the side of the Burj Khalif.

He jumps off planes.

Like, he does his own shit.

There's nothing you can say about him.

He's, he's unbelievable, man.

Have you met him?

I've never met him.

No, me neither.

I've never met him.

Um,

everybody who I know several people who have, and they all say that it is like when you talk to him, you're the only person in the world and he's like all on you and very engaged.

A lot of times, if he like, if he knows he's going to meet you, he's fully briefed on you.

Yeah.

So he knows like all these, he'll reference things and you're like, oh shit, like he'll, he'll know your whole background.

The guys who are the most captivating and charismatic, they said Bill Clinton would do that.

They understand that the thing that makes a person like you is when they think you like them or when they feel like you're entertained by them or they're entertained by you.

So like I realize that I look back at people in my life who I really like.

I'm like, I make that guy laugh a lot, so I really like him.

Yeah, like he makes me feel good about myself.

He doesn't just entertain me, he makes me feel like I'm entertaining him.

Isn't that a fucked-up thing to learn?

Yeah, you're like, oh shit, I'm just like an insecure.

Like, oh, you laugh?

All right, cool.

What's up, man?

You want to go out?

Yeah, yeah.

You can go.

Hey, you can come to my house and fuck my sister.

As long as you get a giggle out of it.

Is this it?

Yeah, this is it.

Okay.

This is William Shatner, and I would like to invite you to take a journey with me into the 21st century.

So take the next few minutes and listen very closely.

You'll be amazed at what you hear.

Okay?

Can there be a little more

excitement in the beginning?

I love it.

Okay.

All right.

It sounded like really laid, you know, really super laid back.

Well,

I'm saying,

okay,

I'll try and do that.

Let's do, take, two.

That laugh, too.

This is William Shatner, and I would like to invite you to take a journey with me into the 21st century.

So take the next few minutes and listen very closely.

Well, speak up.

And maybe you better do it.

Do it the way you hear it.

Do it for me.

No, I mean, just go ahead.

This is William Shatner, and I would like to invite you to take a journey with me into the 21st century.

So take the next few minutes and listen very closely.

You'll be amazed at what you hear.

Yeah, so he's like that.

He actually is doing a direct mimic read of that guy.

And it's so bad.

And it's clearly like, that guy, he overstepped.

He did a little bit, yeah.

There's certain guys you can't, it's a director can give certain notes, but certain acting notes, like

for me, I would take the note because I stink, but there are guys who are really who are so good at what they do.

They're like, you're telling me how to do a line?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're fucking crazy.

It's crazy.

And they're right.

Usually the guys are.

But again, a lot of actors will give you a couple of different takes and say, which one do you like?

Yeah.

And those are the ones that people tend to like working with.

But yeah, to give Shatner an acting note and a voiceover.

This is William Shatner.

And if you're like, bro.

He's saying the whole thing is a fuck you to the engineer.

Yep.

And it's humiliating.

Yeah, it's humiliating.

And that guy's just like, I'm so sorry I spoke.

Please do what you.

And he's like, no, no, no, no.

You said it.

So I'll do it.

And then that guy's like, am I going to lose my job?

Yeah.

And William Shatner hates you.

Yeah.

Hates you so much.

I like him.

I've interviewed him a few times.

And I was on a plane and I saw him.

And it was a layover from Tampa to Philadelphia.

And I said hello to him when the plane landed.

And he recognized me because I, and he was very friendly.

And the pilot even came out to meet him because he found out Shatner.

And it was so funny watching him blow off the pilot.

Like the pilot was like, hey, one time we met, and Shatner goes, yes, it was very nice.

And just walks off.

I was like, oh, you poor bastard.

It was this big moment.

It was a big moment.

Reconnect with Bill.

Who's like, do you have?

Because you interviewed a lot of people.

Do you have like your all-time favorite thing where you're like, this was like my, you know, somebody you can't believe you got the opportunity to interview?

Ozzy, obviously, because I was such a fan.

trump last a year and a half ago in uh for ufc was a big one um i you know it wasn't like an all a life's goal but it was in hindsight it was a huge moment even what was your take on on him we didn't talk politics it was for ufc so it was only fighting because dana loves him and he was like he was very important to the early ufc giving us a home yeah um my take from it was that He has a great memory.

Like, we talked boxing and we talked MMA for about 40 minutes, and he remembered everything.

People People thought we had cue cards set up for him and it was an absolutely non-political conversation about the old days and the fights and what he felt about this and how this happened.

And the memory was really good.

So my take was like he liked, love him or hate him, his brain is working and he's got a great memory.

I feel like when I was a kid, you know, you would always see these big like Tyson fights at like Trump Taj Mahal or like, right?

Like Trump, wasn't Trump always

in some way involved with some of these big boxing events like in the 80s and stuff?

Yeah, he was I think like a foreman, I think foreman Michael Moore, if I remember I don't even remember like I remember I did all this research and now I forget it and he remembers it from 30 years ago.

But yeah, he was involved with a lot of those huge fights and a lot of them were was it Taj Mahal was one I think where a lot of them I think that's Atlantic City.

I think so.

Yeah.

You know who was a fascinating guy to talk to?

He just died was,

I forget his name.

It was, oh my God, Cliff.

He was Clint

Clint something.

He was the Secret Service agent in the Kennedy assassination, who was Jackie's Secret Service.

Um,

uh, what's his name?

Oh, Clint Hill.

Yeah, and uh, he was the one who was behind the limo when Kennedy got shot.

He's the guy who runs behind the limo and hops up on the back of Kennedy's car as it speeds off to Parkland.

Wow.

And he was describing looking in and seeing the inside of the president's head, and he knew that he was dead.

It's like that, that was a fascinating guy to talk to.

Yeah, but did he have takes, you know, because there's so many theories on the assassination.

He said he shot him.

He said, I finished him off.

Yeah.

That good head of hair.

No, it was, he said he heard the bullets behind him.

He said he heard it.

He said I was there and I heard the bullet coming from him.

You know, I didn't get too crazy detail with him because it's almost like asking Buzz Aldrin.

Another fun guy who I've interviewed who's also very cranky, snapped at me.

Yeah.

A fucking Buzz is, you know,

he does not suffer fools.

Yeah.

And I asked him a question.

He goes,

let's not dilly dally.

I've got to get to CNN.

He was really shitty.

But he walked on the moon, so I took it.

I took it like a trooper.

But these guys, sometimes the, I don't want to go too far.

It's like asking Buzz about the moon landing.

Like, it's real.

Like, I didn't want to ask him stupid conspiracy questions.

Yeah.

For him, it's like, yeah, of course it happened.

I was, it was behind me.

And I heard it.

Well, like, it's like every year now, there's like more, like, the further you get away from it, people have new theories.

I know.

They're like, oh, there's four shooters and all this.

And I remember I was talking to this emergency room doctor.

He's like, anybody who thinks that because of the trajectory of that the bullets had to be multiple people has not been in an emergency room.

He goes, when you see what bullets do, one bullet does to some people, where it enters here and it fucking moves around.

He's like, it totally opens your mind as to like what one shot can do to someone.

They literally turn all over the body.

And I love, I mean, I look, I still love JFK.

It's a great movie.

And I do like that Oliver Stone.

I think all the parts he was speculating about were in black and white.

I think that was the device he used to show you.

This is something that I think and not other than Mr.

X, the Sutherland part, which was, I think, two people put together.

But it's still a great film.

I don't care if it's right or wrong.

I still enjoy watching it.

Yeah.

I mean, I actually feel like even when I don't,

I don't know, I'm not convinced by someone's.

I mean,

conspiracy conspiracy theories can sometimes just be very entertaining yes and when people I don't mind people like I used to be a very big believer that it was a conspiracy

and I think it was Vincent Bugliosi I interviewed where he had a book come out and he called in so I read his book and he was very very much uh warren commission he believed that it was Oswald and that was it

And I was like, oh, yeah, I kind of think he's right.

Like, so I don't get married to the idea of one way or the other.

That's the problem is people get married to it.

Like, it doesn't, who gives a fuck?

Whatever the truth is, I'd like to to know it.

When you get too married to it, that's when you realize this is like a, you're in a bad place when you go, I, I'm more interested in being right than I am in learning what the truth is.

Then you've kind of lost your way.

Yeah.

It's like it's in an argument with your spouse.

It's acceptable.

Yes.

I mean, that's exactly why I'm a shit partner

because I have to be right.

Right.

But yeah, when you start getting into that in life, that's when like people are like, just shut up.

Yes.

We heard you.

You've been heard.

Yeah.

Sometimes I want to just tell people that you've been heard.

Everyone's heard you.

Yes.

Let's move on.

Yeah, it didn't have the effect you wanted.

It didn't move us like you thought.

We don't look to you as a thought leader.

You're not a voice of the generation, but you've been heard.

I do think it was hilarious that with the

what's that guy?

He's like the deputy chief of the FBI now, and he's like a

no, cash is the actual director, but the deputy, that guy, Dan Bongino or Bongino, Bongiono or something?

Yeah, yeah.

That guy, who was like a huge right-wing conspiracy guy and was like, you know, fueling all these types of things, is in this interview like two weeks ago.

He's like, Epstein killed himself.

Yeah.

Sorry.

And you're like, these are like, this is the same guy who would be like, it's impossible.

The cameras were all, you know, and now he's like, listen, I looked it over.

He killed himself.

Which means either A, people would say he's been compromised or B,

you could go like, oh, he actually did see all of the legit information that he knows is legit.

Yeah.

I always thought it was, I always thought he hung himself,

but the two cameras being out is very suspect.

You can't ignore that, yeah, for sure.

Um, but I always felt that he was worth $600 million,

and now he's in a roach-infested place, and he's going to go to jail for life as a,

so there's a good reason to hang yourself.

There's a good reason to hang yourself.

There's also, you look at behaviors, right?

Like a few days before he died, he went through the actual process of transferring all of his immense finances to his brother.

And it's like, well, what mind space are you in when you go, hey, why don't you put everything

in his name?

Well, because you think maybe I want to die.

Yeah.

Or he was also probably worried about lawsuits after, too.

Like, he knew that the civil suits were coming.

Sure.

But I mean, that was a guy.

There's certain things that, like, if they were going to kill you before you gave out information, they wouldn't have left him alive that long.

Yeah.

They probably would have killed him outside of a jail.

They would have just picked him off somewhere.

Because if they can pull it off in a jail, they can kill you somewhere else.

They can get to you.

There was another guy in France who committed suicide, but I think he'd been in jail for a year.

I'm like, they don't leave you in jail for a year.

If they want you, yeah, or Oswald.

He was interrogated before he got shot.

Yeah, it wasn't like they picked him up and he died on the way to the police station.

Then you go, maybe.

Yeah.

But he was interrogated and then he was in custody for a short period of time.

Yeah, it's

pretty late.

He transferred his

577 million two days before his death to his brother.

Trust named the 1953 Trust.

So yeah, he might have known what was about to happen, but he had great reason to kill himself.

I mean, he knew he was finished.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He was in France, too, I think.

And see, there was so much speculation in the beginning.

Did Ghelane help the state?

Because then there was the speculation that she was the one who got him to come back.

Like, no, everything's okay.

And then he gets arrested.

And he might have thought, oh, if they have her, I'm dead.

I'm dead.

So that's, but again, then they wind up going after her.

Yeah.

And also, it's like, how, like, every week it feels like they go, you're going to see this list now.

Yeah, it's just.

I don't understand.

I don't either.

The only people they should, there's been people that I heard they protected who had legitimate business dealings with him, who had nothing to do with any of the sexual stuff that they kept private because the name association would have ruined their lives, but they legitimately weren't involved with that stuff.

Sure.

But then there's other people you're like, maybe they're.

Right, because he had to have obviously some legit business things going on, right?

Like,

there was

one guy that

the way that Epsey made a huge amount of his money was he managed the money of a multi-billionaire.

And then when that guy

became aware of his first scandal is when he was like, he's like, I don't want my money with this guy.

You know, he took it away from him.

Oh,

not Lex Wessler, right?

Who was the guy who, you know, Lex Wessler was the guy from,

he owned a bunch of, I would say he owned a bunch of stores, but I realized I couldn't have have sounded stupider.

But, you know, he's like a guy who owns a massive shareholder, right?

Something, yeah.

It could have been, I don't remember exactly who it was, but this really well-known business guy was like, you know, he, he was like managing my money.

And then that first case, like, this is before everything.

Sure.

The earlier one.

And he was like, oh, I don't want anything to do with this guy.

And so that guy was like, I don't want to be associated with this fucking guy.

Yeah.

Which, which is legit, right?

Yeah, of course.

But, yeah, that's why they kept some of those those names off.

But I would like to, we'd all like to see it.

It's just curious.

Of course.

Yeah.

We all want to see the super famous people that are on the left.

Is there anyone in the left?

Because they said there was all this video, and then we've seen nothing.

Then you realize how much these people just talk.

How much people in public life, government officials, how many of them are easily influenced by what somebody else says?

And then they turned out not to know what the fuck they were talking about.

They don't know what they're talking about.

No.

Yeah.

I think we all, our illusion is that we always think that the well-known are going to have like some special level of knowledge and and and and know things and and are going to say but they're all just regular people they're all they're regular people and they're as prone to being uh reactionary and stupid as we are i never care about the opinions or politically of people who are like whether they're arguing israel i just don't care i don't care i don't give a fuck what they think it doesn't sway me at all no no it's boring i mean and also it's like okay high profile names i think we knew almost all of these right space you know me Campbell.

Oh, Prince Andrew, Randy Andy.

What a naughty boy.

Never seen again.

You ever see a guy like, here's his problem, Prince Andrew.

He's a guy who is so rich and so coddled that people would always go, yes, Your Majesty, yes.

And he had no idea what a bad liar he was.

Right.

He never had to truly lie his way out of something because he would go, oh, I didn't knock your lamp over.

And people would go, of course you didn't, Your Majesty.

Yes.

He never had to really connive and lie his way out of a ticket.

So he thought he was a better bullshitter than he was.

That's such a good point.

Yeah, that's such a good observation.

I was watching him, the awful explanations he was giving.

And by the way, Emily Matthias, I think her name was, did an amazing interview with him.

She was such a fucking sniper, right?

Like luring him in.

He thought he did well.

Yeah.

He thought he killed it on that interview.

Yeah.

That's the one.

That's the big one he did.

That was the big one.

The nightline.

Something was called Nightline or something.

And, but you realize this guy, for him to believe that he did well.

is such a lack of self-awareness.

Yeah, totally delusional.

It's like a guy coming off stage and going, fuck, they're hot.

And it's like, shoot.

You're a fish in a barrel.

And you're like,

I had a guy one time did that.

He walked off and we were like, woof.

And he was like, killed him.

And you're like,

what?

You killed the mood.

Yeah.

You just ate shit, bro.

I've had like four bomb sets in a row, maybe five even at the comedy store.

I'm just working.

You ever have some just go, like, I don't know what it is, but there's something I'm just,

I'm not believing it.

There's something I've been doing last week or or so where I have just been eating shit halfway through and on.

And I gotta, maybe I gotta change up the order just to make it fresh again.

The order can make a big difference.

I mean, I told this story a few times about how one of the hardest I ever fucking bombed.

And it was a, it felt like it was a six-hour set.

I was supposed to do 25 minutes in the middle, you know, that was the middle.

And it was the summer of Katrina.

2005, right?

Yeah, 2005.

And

there was reports that week that some people were actually,

you know, forcing themselves sexually upon people

in the aftermath.

Yeah,

in the dome,

in the dome, and also they were like in the city, this was happening.

But there was also reports of like, obviously, like corpses floating by.

So I thought a clever opener.

would be my

observation that like, you know, nothing gets my dick harder than a bloated carcass floating by.

Makes me want to fuck somebody too.

And this is like a sold-out show.

Everybody was like, huh?

And then I didn't realize that I didn't have the skill set to recover from that.

Like, I was like, I'm going to pivot now, right?

And they were like, no, you're not.

So it was, I mean, I had hair and it was flop sweat.

Like it was stuck to the side of my face, pouring sweat, pouring sweat.

I ate shit so bad that like, you know, there's a hierarchy in stand-up.

Yeah.

The MC was like, how about that fucking douchebag?

And I was like, yo, like, you're the MC, dude.

He was like, you suck, dude.

By the way, I concur with your opinion that it was a great opener.

That's hilarious.

Dude, I thought I was, I was like, that's, you know, the, the kind of, you know, you're trying to convey like what you think is funny.

I think this is funny.

The crazy thing was I get off stage.

first of all the club owner comes up to me and she is a she's the manager she goes i thought you were supposed to be funny and i was like oh and then she goes can you also not add and i go what and she goes what does that say because there was a count up for

and i got i bailed at like 22 or 20 i was supposed to do 25 and she goes do 25 dumbass and i was like right sorry oh

Second show.

Sold out.

Every show is packed.

Packed show.

Do you remember who the headliner was?

Yeah, it was Bert.

Bert.

Oh, okay.

It was one of our first, like, one of our, it was our first road gig together.

Okay.

It was, it's a packed show.

I mean, it's paper.

Don't think.

So it was a, it was 05.

But it was like hacked second show.

You could hear it bustling.

And I do that thing where you go, like, don't be a pussy, right?

Like, go for it again.

So I do the exact same opener.

Dude, I think I eat shit harder.

It's like, it is worse.

And it was the first time, because somebody had asked me, they go, have you ever had moments where you're like,

you you know, maybe I shouldn't be doing this?

And I remember, I go, I remember that was one of the first times I was in my hotel that night and I was like, maybe I'm doing, like, maybe I'm not cut out for this.

Maybe I'm not good at this.

Maybe I shouldn't do this.

You know, yeah, sometimes it hits you so hard.

It rattles you beyond, like, wow, that sucked.

Oh, man, what

I got to work that out.

It's like, wow, I'm a fraud.

I'm wearing a costume.

A costume.

And I have to multiply.

I remember I was lying.

Like, I talked to Christina that night.

She was like, how was the show?

I was like, yeah, there's a little, they're were a little tight.

You know, I was trying to like, I wasn't confessing the full story.

I was like, yeah, they're just, that's kind of a weak, soft crowd.

And then it was, that was Friday night.

And then Saturday night, we have two more.

And I still remember Bert coming up to me.

He goes, can I just give you one, one thought?

And I go, yeah, sure.

What?

He goes, just

open differently.

Do anything else you want to do, but just open on a different joke.

And I was like,

all right.

And I went up there and I opened differently.

and it was like such redemption.

I had like a gangbuster set, yeah, like one of those, like, holy shit, you killed, you know, where like the MC was like, God damn, he was like, you really turned things around.

I was like, yeah, I just didn't do my

corpse, sure.

And uh,

and uh, it's a tough one if you don't know how to pivot.

It's a great way you said that if you can pivot from a bomb, but when you don't know how to pivot, you don't know how, that's a giant hole to do.

Because I was too, I was too inexperienced.

Yeah, you know, it's like now i feel like i could probably say even worse things sure and be like well i have the skill set to recover yeah i know how to zig and zag and kind of recover but that's one of those things you can't manufacture no the the skill set no you have to and a lot of times if i and i've certainly had those moments as i just go down the toilet i'll tell the audience like uh you know that they're right and i i see it too i know what that just happened we all know it sometimes bringing them in and they're like all right at least he's being honest with us and we know that he knows what he's doing up there.

Yeah, but when you plow ahead, like you know, that went as planned, yeah, that whole never let him see you sweat, like that doesn't work now

because it's dishonest, and they know all of a sudden they go, This guy doesn't, he's not real, he's not in the room with us, yeah.

Exactly, he's sweating, and we see it, and he's pretending that we don't.

I mean, I've had even on this, like on this tour now, though, sometimes you're like, You know, I'm gonna just gonna open with like a local observation.

Sure, you just fucking you say it, and you're like pausing for the laugh, and everyone's just like, Is that the observation?

And you're like,

yeah, so

I just got back from a trip.

I'm going to switch to the act.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I figured I'd go off book for a second.

Yeah.

The director went, no.

Could you say it the way it's written?

Could you please just stick to the script?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

No, I was just trying to

improv little.

Pretty good at it.

It's easier now than it used to be because at least if it's your crowd, they are there.

They know you're funny and you can acknowledge it and move forward.

But sometimes still, if I, again, in the regular, in the cellar or somewhere where they're not there to see me, you know, they don't, half of them are fucking NYU students.

They have no idea who I am.

And it gets ugly.

Yeah.

I mean, I love the practice of doing, like, when I go to LA, because I go to LA more.

That's what I love about the OR is that, like, on the OR,

if you walk in, there might be on any given night, maybe 20 of them are super stoked that I'm there.

Yeah.

And maybe 140 are super stoked that other comics are there and don't care.

So then you're like, oh, like it's, it is, you still have to like,

the joke's got to be there.

Yeah, it's a great test because they're not going to give me the, we like you, so we're with you.

Yeah.

No, this is just what it is.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Seinfeld would say that, like, because he would go on at the cell, he goes, the first five minutes, like when you're on his level, they would, he goes, they'll give you the first five minutes because they're happy you're there.

But then you have to, it has to be good or you're going to tank.

Yeah.

I know I saw Robin Williams tank in that room.

It was never an aggressive tank where they were like, fuck you.

It was never like that.

But it was almost like they would at one point stop laughing and wait for a joke that they liked.

Yeah.

That's the difference between being that guy and somebody else.

It's like that you can still bomb, but they're not as mad at you.

Yeah, it's a different.

The bombing looks differently.

Yes.

Yeah.

I mean, I feel like actually one of the worst feelings is if you go to a club and you get like a crazy ovation in walking out

and then it's flat

your whole set and you're like, what was that?

Why did you do that?

And I always go with no intro whatsoever.

I never want an intro.

I despise credits.

You don't want one of the best comedians working today?

I mean, just to say

he's been seen on, it humiliates me.

It's humiliating.

Or the worst is they would go, we got a special guest.

And it's like, what are you doing?

Who?

There's no special guest.

I was scheduled to be here.

What did I have?

One time I was with, I was in New York and Chappelle and Rock.

were doing one of those joint shows.

Yep.

But like at a 500-seater.

And they go, we have a, not them, but whoever was like up there was like, we have a special guest.

And I was like, you realize they were like, oh, is it fucking Johnny?

Eddie Murphy or something, you know?

And then when they said me, you could tell people were like,

they were not excited at all.

No, the worst is when there's a special guest, they go, woo!

And then it's a tepid applause.

Like, oh, this guy?

Somebody must know who he is.

Yeah.

Did you just bring Dave and Rock out?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You don't ever want to be as a special guest, you don't want to be smaller than the people they're expecting.

Way smaller.

That's a humiliation.

Yeah, it was such a human.

They were like, oh, is fucking Cosby here?

Like,

it was really, it was a bummer, dude.

Yeah, they do it at the cellar once in a while, but I tell every host, like, no, no intro, no, because I don't use my own name there.

I used to get death threats from the, it happened years ago from the radio show.

I started using fake names.

Um, and I didn't want them people hassling the club.

Yeah.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, calling the club, see my name, just being dicks.

Um, and it just kind of stuck.

So I use always fake names when I'm on the street.

On the set list?

Like, I'm on the, on who's going to be there?

On the outside.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And except for the Wednesday night show, I do it.

Then it's my own name.

But again, it was just at one point to stop the club from being hassled.

And I had a couple of real fucking weird things.

Do you ever miss kind of the chaos of the morning?

Oh, my God.

I'll be in Anthony's show.

Of course.

It's the funniest thing ever.

I loved.

It was no pressure.

I would just show up and be funny.

And Anthony would be funny and just hang out with comedians.

It was fucking great, dude.

It was,

yeah, I miss it a lot.

I mean, there was a time capsule, and i was i'm happy that i didn't sabotage it yeah like when things in life end right i go it sucks that it ended but i know that i showed up for it i was really present when i loved it yeah and i didn't blow it yeah so that's how i live with it like knowing i didn't it's like if a relationship ends because someone gets killed in an accident that sucks but it's a lot easier than you drunk driving and killing them yes because then you're like why did i do that do you um are you having fun with the podcast though jim norton can't save you thank you yes love it

And I really do love it.

Like, it's mine, and I can talk to whoever I want.

And

it's been very fun.

We use callers because I still like that live interaction.

Yeah, yeah.

I kind of like having that.

And I had Anthony on again recently.

I've had some great guests.

It's fun.

I hate saying it's fun, but I mean, it is.

I just enjoy doing it.

Yeah.

I mean, fuck, man.

It's been, I mean, I never had a radio job, but like 15 years I've been doing podcasts.

Yeah.

And it is fun because you just get to go, like, who do you want to have on?

And then have a conversation.

It's like, it is still like the best thing.

The only thing that misses, again, the live interaction, I liked because you know that a lot of people are hearing you.

So any mistake is everyone's hearing it.

Or there is that one thing about being live

where I know that they're hearing it now.

I don't know why I just explained what live means to a comedian.

Fucking idiot.

No, I know exactly, but I know exactly what I'm saying.

I'm exactly the nerve of me to explain explain that to you.

You do arenas and I'm talking.

The microphone will convey.

Shut up, Jim.

Yeah.

No, there's like, but there's that.

You're right, though, because with the podcast, you always have that thing where you're like, hey, cut that out.

Yeah.

Don't, you know, don't use that.

Don't show that, whatever.

And

you're more naked on the morning radio.

You have a dump button, but that was only for like things that would get you sued for slander or a last name.

Somebody would call up, yeah, my girlfriend.

They'd give her a name, and it's like, nah, drop that out because we don't know if he's lying or or not, or we're gonna get fucking sued for putting it out there.

But that's the only difference.

Um, is that you would dump something out of necessity, or if it was a word that was gonna get you fired.

Um, somebody dropped an N-bomb or whatever.

Um, at one point, at one point, no one cared, but yeah, I missed doing that.

I love that show so much.

It's interesting to me, too, that like I really commend you guys that

you were part of the circle of Patrice's circle, you know, of friends.

That, like, when he died, and I saw in the, you know, the years after the first year second year they're like oh we're doing this fundraiser this thing for Patrice for his family or whatever yeah I was like you can kind of tell someone's impact by how long they keep doing that yes you know what I mean it's like there's people you're like yeah we'll do that once and like I feel like the fact that you guys have just done it every year

that you guys have been really committed to like keeping that going I did I think I think I did the first 10 and the reason I still I'll do them once in a while now but it's almost like you want people to come see them.

You don't want them to see the same acts.

Right.

Which I'm really annoyed that I did the first 10 because I've also often thought if I died, fucking Patrice would have done one.

He would have done the first year, and he wouldn't have been happy.

He would never be talking about me in interviews a decade later.

A decade later.

Oh, like I'm so much nicer to his memory than he would be.

Right.

I think all you guys are like, really, like, you really have upheld that, you know?

I just found a video.

I just found this

where it was, we did a film called Furry Vengeance, which was a classic with Brendan Frazier and Brooke Shields.

And Patrice and I played Construction Workers.

And he was so miserable and difficult on that shoot.

It was very funny.

And there's a scene where we have to dance at the end.

It's just as the credits are rolling.

It's one of those.

We had to do a dance to, I think, a Cypress Hill song.

And it's something that's very humiliating to have to like dance to.

But again, it was part of the thing.

It wasn't my idea.

And I have a video of us rehearsing.

And he was just so miserable.

And so, it's such a Patrice, not really wanting to commit to it and just being annoyed.

And there was no audience watching.

It was just me, him, and one of the other actors.

So I'm really glad I had that.

Like, I really did love him.

And he really was as funny as people think he was.

Yeah.

But he was also, I think, a nicer guy than people think he was.

Like, towards the end of his life, he started apologizing to people for things he had done that he felt like negatively affected them.

He felt bad.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

He started to feel bad about stuff.

He had 40.

And I remember he called me one time.

We were just, whatever we were talking about, and he goes, man, I feel irrelevant.

And I'm like, what do you mean?

He's like, I just, I feel like I'm irrelevant, completely irrelevant.

Like, it was just, he was the same as any other comic.

He would have his great moments and his, it is, his, like, fuck, I'm a piece of shit moments.

And I think he apologized to Jeff Garland for the way he was to him on Tough Crowd.

And there was a few other people that he started feeling guilty.

And it was because one of the things was he had done a project.

And there was one guy on the set being a fucking douchebag, but it was Patrice's project.

And Patrice goes, am I that guy on somebody else's thing?

And he goes, I never want to be that guy again on somebody else's project because now I see how upsetting it is when someone,

you know what I mean?

So, you know, he was

a more self-aware person than people like, oh my God.

Wow, yeah, those dumb hats.

Oh,

I mean, none of us are proud of that moment.

Yeah.

Well, that face he just made was, it didn't seem like he wanted to be doing it.

No, but that, yeah, that's the dead.

That little move they were just doing there.

That was, oh,

I just, I can't.

Furry vengeance.

I've never seen the whole movie.

That's hilarious.

Yeah.

You had a big smile on your face.

I did, yeah.

I mean, I just, I knew I was on camera.

I just was happy to be there.

At least Patrice had the integrity to go, this sucks.

I remember we had the same manager at the time, and I remember he was being such a ball buster to the director in front of the other act.

Like, he was just so dismissed.

He was like he was at the table.

Yeah.

And I was like, dude, you're going to get us fucking, what are you doing?

Yeah.

You're going to get fired.

I called my manager.

I'm like, tell them this, you know, they're gonna can him i'm glad we i'm glad we did that though it was just so oh there we go awful more dancing yeah

yeah none of us were really proud to yeah oh there's yeah rival yeah that's the that's the part i wish i had just in the barrel

no we're gonna put this barrel on you again perfect yeah that's awesome yeah i'm glad i have that footage though that was just us in a in a room so it's like those little dumb things how long has it been

done 2011 i think wow and i just I've been thinking about him a lot lately because I did Ari Shafir's podcast a few weeks ago and we were talking about the Brazil trips.

And so he said, hey, you have any pictures?

So I was going through a lot of my Brazil photos with him and with Keith Robinson and Bobby Kelly and Voss.

So yeah, I was just going through all of that.

Brazil amazing.

Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't go back.

We went three times.

This was around 2003 and 004.

Radio was over at that point.

We had gotten fired, so we were off the air for two years.

So yeah, we were going down there and going to the whorehouses and it was fun.

What's the best horror place?

I only remember, you mean like in the world?

Yeah.

I mean, for me, my big, that to me was not one of them because I prefer English speakers because, again, the communication is sexy.

I don't want someone who's just going to go, here you go, and then fuck me.

Like, I like someone who can talk dirty.

Yeah, yeah.

New York or LA for me has been the best.

Wow.

Because there's the most people to choose from.

Oh.

Amsterdam, I didn't do it when I was there.

I was like,

I looked around.

I think I went into one, but it might have been in Antwerp, Belgium.

There was another place, and I kind of just did it to do it.

Yeah.

But I kind of like

when the person, you get to know them a little bit

over time.

Got a little rapport going.

A little rapport going.

Yeah.

I like that a lot.

New York's made the best.

Well, there you go.

New York, man.

They really do have everything.

Yeah.

So you that never sleeps.

Be sure to check out.

Jim's new special, Unconceivable.

It is out right now on his YouTube channel.

Make sure you listen listen to jim norton can't save you the podcast and um see him on tour are you on tour right now i am on tour i got to change my tour name by the way i've said this about you too the best tour name uh is i'm coming everywhere i i was jealous i didn't think of that but my my tour picture is an abomination i'm just an egg-headed fat fuck now you know with a suit i should have been shot for that but i was just i needed something so yeah i have to change the name of it okay okay but you can get tickets yeah to see jim is at jimnorton.com uh jimnorton.com JimNorton.com.

Yeah.

JimNorton.com.

All right.

Thank you for coming, Jim.

I love you.

Thanks for joining me too.

All right.

Bye, guys.

While the other wears a shirt.

Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.

Here's what we call two bears, one cave.