Sampling Your Own Sauce | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Hey guys, brand new episode of 2Bears One Cave.

It's me and Tommy and our health regimen.

We believe full wholeheartedly in IVs.

Giving us our V IV today is Coco.

Coco is about to stick Tom.

If you have a fear of needles, turn your head.

Run that timer, boys.

You know, the majority of people,

majority of people have this as their biggest fear.

Needles?

Needles.

Yeah.

Here we go.

I love watching it.

Boom.

She's good, isn't she?

Yeah.

I've actually never seen one go in right there.

No.

My dad had a big, juicy one there, so it was like, pick me, pick me.

Do you ever hear Christian McCaffrey's story of getting one?

Christian?

Christian McCaffrey?

No.

So his dad used to get IVs every day before big games for him.

He'd take him to go get him an IV.

Yeah.

One time, Christian McCaffrey, he's like fucking 12.

His dad was a savage.

Yeah, his dad really prepped him.

And the guy, the guy missed the vein

and his arm, Coco, you've heard of this?

His arm just started swelling up with fluid.

No.

And Christian McCaffrey's like, dad, dad?

And his dad's like, oh, take it out.

Let's go.

Let's go.

And he gets to the car and he's like, dad, he's like, never mind.

These IVs are a bad idea.

I think he had him on like like nutrition plans and and like uh his training regimen from the nfl that ed was doing yeah when he was a kid it's insane you got to do that with your boys yeah sure i would i would this is what i if i if i could start over i would have taught one girl all right i would have had one of my daughters be a nurse and the other cocoa

hey coco coco how good are i these for you they're amazing

amazing for you

100 of that is going into your bloodstream where when you take anything orally you're not absorbing all of that and this is going into our cells yeah and this is like getting glutathione, which is, it is good for

your body.

Every time I get this, though, thank you, buddy.

Every time I get this, I think about heroin, though, how much fun that has to be because that goes right into your bloodstream, too.

So the NAD that we're getting at the end of this, Coco's going to give us NAD shots.

Yeah.

They say...

So we're getting 200 milligrams.

And by the way, we're not doctors.

We're just reciting what Coco said.

200 milligrams is probably pretty typical.

You can do an NAD drip where...

I do 500 when I get the drip.

joe gets 500 when he does the drip and joe does the drip with a push so he gets a bag pushing it so it goes faster that's insane and and this guy this guy's giving me my nad he does not know that i know joe and he goes he goes yeah he said you know do you want to drip and i said no i'll just take the intermuscular and he goes you know

there's this guy that gets the drip and he does it fast he said he can do it in like fucking 10 minutes i said who he goes his name's joe rogan and he goes big intervening drug user user.

I said, who?

He said, Joe Rogan.

I said, what makes you say that?

And he goes, well, that's who likes the drip fast.

Am I right, Coco?

Intervenious drug user.

Wow, because it's like it crushes you.

I do it when I get it regularly.

I do the

500.

And they go, oh, you're taking it pretty quick.

It still takes me.

I guess pretty quick for the 500 would be like an hour.

And I've seen one patient do it in like 30 minutes.

So it's not really Joe Rogan.

No.

Well, I can tell you, even if it was.

But there is that feeling when you get it where it actually can, like, you feel pain, right?

You feel like you're having a fucking heart attack.

So

why would an intravenous drug user enjoy that?

Here, Coco, come here and stand next to me.

Y'all put me on the spot here.

Yeah.

Like, what about it would be...

Well, I don't know.

I guess it depends kind of like what their high is that they're chasing and what sensation they're wanting to feel.

Damn, nothing about that feels pleasurable though no when you take nad you feel like you're having a heart attack yeah like it's like this

and i feel it sometimes in the head like kind of

transpatian will get um sinus

yeah uh congestion

sneezing oh

now hold on do i that's what i get when i get nad

intramuscular

would that happen because i always get clogged in my nose yeah it could be from damn it but then afterwards you feel great yeah you feel great i'll tell you the other thing that i that has nothing to do with this is uh nitrous oxide.

Like

when you're, I was just in the office.

You ever tried poppers?

Dude, that was the best.

I was laying there and they were like,

take, you know, inhale five times, breathe back into the thing because it gives you night.

And then oh, you're not talking like outside of Dave Matthews concert.

You're talking about

a doctor.

A doctor.

And I go, okay.

And I was, I felt so high.

And the doctor was like, do you feel it?

And I go, not really.

And they go, just keep doing it.

I was like, okay.

I was like, oh, this is the best.

But it's out of your system so fast.

Can you get us some of that?

I don't have that.

Damn.

What kind of scripts can you get us?

Not that exciting.

Yeah.

Hey, can we get you a bottle of vodka?

Do you like vodka?

I do.

Oh, we got vodka.

Can we give a bottle of vodka to you?

Yeah.

We have our own vodka.

We have a wedding this weekend, so one of my coworkers will bring it with us.

Can you give my views to yourself?

I have.

So when I had

the influenza, I didn't want to go to the clinic and get everybody else sick.

So I stuck it in my hand myself.

I will tell you this.

This is the thing that has been so crazy to me.

I would say three or four times in the last year, and I wouldn't like, I wouldn't say this if I didn't have repeated evidence of this, where, you know, we travel a lot for a living.

So we're always around people, a lot of people, shaking hands, all this.

And I regularly get colds, get sick, viruses, you know?

And you kind of know when it's day one, you're like, ah, fuck, I'm getting sick.

Four or five times in the last year, it's been day one, and I got a heavy NAD like two, three days in a row, and just it went away.

And I'm like, holy shit.

And I try to, I want to tell people that because, dude, like, I have seen it multiple times now where, like, I know I'm about to be sick for two weeks.

And it's like, oh, I just didn't get sick.

This is where I'm going to sound out of touch to our fans.

I don't know what an IV costs.

And I get them every week.

I get one a week.

And I, and I'll tell you, anyone listening, my blood work came back like, you know, two months ago.

Yeah.

And partying, still partying, still own a vodka.

Best numbers I had ever had.

And I said, well, I hadn't drank in a couple days.

And Denise said, it takes 100 days to change your biomarker.

So it's not that.

It's whatever you're doing.

And I was like, it's fucking IVs.

Do you know who put me onto this?

Chappelle.

Oh, yeah.

Chappelle owns his own IV company.

You're with Chappelle and he's like, yo, you want an IV?

I go, it's two in the morning.

He's like, that's okay.

Someone shows up in their pajamas with rubber gloves on.

And ever since then, I've been that.

So if you're like me and you party, what's the cheapest you can get an IV for?

Depends what's in it, right?

It really depends.

Like the most basic trip is probably around $200.

But it also depends where you are.

You know, bigger cities, they might mark it up a little more than little towns.

Do you know Tech 9?

Tech 9 owns an IV company.

Tech 9 does?

Tech 9 owns an IV company.

Dude, I'm telling you right now, hang on.

Jordan

owns your company, right?

I'm not fucking around.

I want to start an IV company just so I can get a deal on IVs.

I get IVs every other.

I think there's probably a different way to get a deal.

We need fractional franchising.

Oh, yeah, $25,000.

I've already looked into a fractional franchise.

All I need is a brick and mortar, and I'm thinking about buying a building to start an IV company just so I can get fucking IVs cheap tell Jordan we said what's up and thank you please

yeah yeah tell Jordan thank you and thank you and don't go you're not going anywhere yeah no no no no you can go stand up there sorry but I realize you're you're not gonna just leave

yeah yeah yeah thank you dripping good yeah so speaking of being out of touch and not knowing the prices of the things you see this new line of Rolexes that came out dude they look great they look great let's talk let's spend the whole time talking about rolexes the funny thing to me about um if you talk to like watch people you know that like people are in that world they're like scared people are scared of rolex rolex is terrifying as a brand and a company because they are like the vatican they they're so powerful they will crush people who are I mean, they protect the shit out of their brand.

The way that they allow you to be, let's say, an authorized dealer, dude, they send in people that you don't know are there.

They check everything from the cloth on the table that you display on, the way that

the logo is displayed on the wall, and they give you critiques that you don't know about.

At the end of the year, they come in and they go, you didn't do this shit right.

And if you don't do it right again, we're just going to pull it from here.

People will get like scared it

all i'm saying is like there i will never do anything justice as much as this podcast acquired that sounds really cool actually they talk about that they talk about the fact that rolex does not have a brick and mortar they have one it's in geneva one rolex store everyone else is certified dealers they talk about how the guy who started rolex set everything up in a trust so rolex has more money than god yeah so when when the when the market dips and everyone else scrambles to try to figure out fucking what to do,

he's like, yeah, the role of like, we'll be good for the next 100 years.

What's also cool, and there's the last thing I'm going to say about watches, and I just need you, please continue.

This is what I think is cool.

We don't need them.

You don't need a watch.

It's almost like stupid to have a, you have to be a fucking idiot to have a watch on.

Only a fucking moron would spend $80,000 on a watch.

A fucking idiot.

Right, just to tell the time.

But that's what makes it sexy.

Yeah.

That's what makes it sexy, that we're using an antiquated timepiece,

handmade, handcrafted.

If you open mine up on the back, you can see the inner workings of this watch.

And

this does it so much better.

Do you know what also does it really good?

Yeah.

Hey, what time is it?

It's crazy, but I think that's so fucking, you know what it's like?

It's like walking to work.

It's like walking to work.

It's like, it's like,

it's like fucking in the kitchen.

It's old school.

I just think that's the funniest thing about watches is like.

It's like fucking in the kitchen.

Rolex.

It's like fucking in the kitchen.

It's like fucking in the kitchen.

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Acha a ching.

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

No, Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action aka charlie sheen only on netflix september 10th and man i'll tell you right now i'm not a watch guy i'm into rolexes yeah i know you are i'm i think i and i and i and i the reason i love

i take that back i have two other watches i have two other watches a good friend gave me one one of our good friends and then uh i got one in paris um that wasn't a rolex wasn't a rolex good for you never wear them the but what's cool about him and and this is a soft pitch to anyone who's not irate right now yeah is

man tudor is an amazing watch and it's it's it's made by rolex it's it's in the family of rolex tudor's a great watch well listen i know and it's it's a great way to celebrate a benchmark in your life and to make you smile every now and then you look at your watch you're either into it or you're not like i mean i know like there's there's uh it's there's obviously a huge huge fan base for this and people do it for get into it for different reasons some of it for the the art uh involved because they are like pieces of art art.

Some of it to like you say, Mark.

I look at this watch and I think Mark Special Lucky is streaming right now on Netflix.

There you go.

And it was streamed in the top 10 for two weeks.

And I'm, and, and, and I treated myself when I went to Vegas and I said, every time I look at this watch, I remind, I remember that two weeks how everyone was hitting me up about their dogs and like it was just a great moment in my life.

So I buy something to remind myself of the good feelings.

I think that's a great move.

And I know, like, like I've, we've heard you.

We know the fans love watch talk.

and we promise, you know, we're, we'll keep it up.

We'll keep telling you things that we've acquired that, um, that you can dream about.

Let's talk about Porsches.

Can I tell you what is interesting?

Sure.

I'm not a car guy at all.

I know you're not.

I'm not.

I was with Kyle Bush, and I, I said, he said, what kind of car do you drive?

And I said, oh, it's a Mercedes.

He goes, what kind?

And I said, the white one.

The white one?

And he goes, what?

I said, I'm not a car guy.

And he goes, wait, what do you mean?

You just told him a color?

Yeah.

Well, he walked past it.

Yeah.

And it was, I was like, it was the white one.

And he goes, he goes, you really don't follow cars.

And I said, not at all.

And I'm being dead serious.

After that Porsche podcast,

I think Porsche is the sexiest fucking, just hearing them talk about a brand.

Yeah.

And the longevity of the brand and what struggles the brand has had.

You told me last night, this is, I think,

conversations like this are fascinating to me.

Yeah.

You said

what were the two that are just carrying the brand right now?

Well, for several years now, the Makan has been like the top seller and the Cayenne, the SUVs, these do extremely well for the company.

And basically, the cars that like people are,

I would say, the most passionate about is like the GT line for Porsche, like GT3s and everything.

Everyone's like, those are

the coolest fucking cars.

Those are, that line, the GT division is basically supported by the fact that they sell so many of these other cars.

I think

it wouldn't be, they wouldn't be profitable if they were like, we just make GT3s.

It wouldn't be a low.

This is a really interesting pivot because

this is

maybe this is a disconnect where people hear us talk about watches and they don't understand.

It's not.

It's not talking about the ones we actually have.

It's always about the ones you want.

What's fun for me is like the chase, the chase.

And by the way, it's like pussy.

Pussy is this, is a very good pussy and Porsche's are line, like they're just exactly the same thing.

You just can't wait to get it.

And then once you dump inside, you're like, I'd like to try another one.

You know, dude, that's also

a slogan for Porsche.

Dogs, Tom.

You know how I love to fuck dogs.

Yes.

Coco, you're really getting an earful on this podcast.

What's funny is like,

so when we got Priscilla

and you fucked it.

And

I fucked her to death.

The best part

of Priscilla, in my opinion, was the

six months, maybe seven months leading up where I was looking at breeders and I was looking at breeds and I was trying to pick what dog we needed as a family.

And that was my favorite part.

I hope you're connecting into this and understanding what I'm talking about.

It's like the funnest part of buying a car is looking at cars.

Yeah.

It's the funnest part.

And I do this.

I eventize my life way too much.

Like right now, the greatest part about today is Sunday for me because it's the masters just started today.

And I can't wait to Sunday.

I'm picking out my outfit.

I'm wearing my master's hat.

I'm going to be watching it all day.

I'm going to be drinking mint juleps.

I'm so excited for Sunday because the master started today.

And that is the whole thing about any good you want.

And whether it's watches, dude, never buy a watch, but look at them.

They're so fun to look at.

I've looked at, dude, I look at watches I'll never buy.

John Mayer has one of the baddest motherfucking watches ever.

Yeah, that's very cool.

What's it called?

It's AP?

Yeah, it's an AP.

It's a John Mayer AP.

And by the way,

you really want to get blown out of the water?

Listen to the podcast John Mayer did with Ed Sheeran.

Have you heard that?

those two are really really deep oh you can't you can't john mayer doesn't say nice watch do you know what he says oh serial number ap4579 yeah nice

i've got seven eight zero dash two

he's he's really really other level he's like probably the best celebrity ambassador for that entire um field.

I think he's the best one.

Really.

I get it.

I'm so passionate about it.

He really is.

And by the way, his collection is like no it's world-class ed sheeran's also a huge huge collector dude yeah really crazy it's that that for me like i'm nowhere near there and not even remotely i don't even think like sylvester stone stallone's crazy

you can't tell you what

you can i tell you someone who

shaded me for my watch who shaq what do you mean you stupid spending all that money on a watch invictus invictus so much better Get get that shit off your wrist get your money back get an Invictus

go to Invictus

and part of me was like does Shaq own Invictus

Probably

because I said how do you what kind of watch do you wear because you're so big like you know like how small is a toothbrush in his mouth

Yeah, well, yeah, I know right you ever you ever sit on a toilet and your dick hits the hits the porcelain?

Yeah, how the fuck does he shit every time he shits?

He's holding his balls and he's just like but he goes Invictus Invictus is a great line of watches, they really are.

Yeah, he's um,

he's uh, he also owns a plane.

Did you tell him that when he said to get your money back?

He bought a challenger, he did, yeah,

like, hey, man, get your money back, just buy plane tickets,

dude.

Can I, can we pivot and talk about Mexican women?

Sure, Coco, are you Mexican?

No, everybody thinks I am.

What are you?

I'm Italian.

Oh, old school.

A cabadara.

I saw a clip of you on

look at your eyes.

I saw a clip of you

speed me up

on Rogan saying you speak Spanish because everybody in Florida speaks Spanish.

Did you also say you speak Italian?

Claro.

No, I don't.

Maybe I do.

Did you say that, though?

No, I don't speak Italian.

I speak Spanish.

I speak enough.

Apparently, I don't speak good Spanish.

Well, yeah, you were just in Spain, right?

Yeah, I was in Spain.

And apparently, my Spanish sounds a lot like,

me, ice, need.

How would you say it?

Yo necesito, ice.

I mean,

okay.

You get a part of it, right?

Yeah.

Yo necesito, frio.

I need cold.

There we go.

Okay.

Then George is like, dad, you're not speaking what you think you're speaking.

And I'm like, you serious?

He's like, buddy, you sound horrific.

But you said it with full confidence.

I say it very confidence.

Yeah, that's good.

Tu queres, agua.

That means

that's good.

Yeah.

But here's the thing about Mexican women.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

So pretend you're my husband, okay?

My husband?

Yeah.

Yeah,

I'm the Mexican woman.

Okay.

You're my husband, okay?

Can you do a wide shot on two of us?

Okay, come to me.

So

I'm sending you to work.

First off, we're going to start with Mexican women's lunch boxes for their husband.

Google it.

It's fucking incredible.

Okay.

They hand them the lunchbox, and then they do this.

They go,

and they kiss you.

I think that's the coolest shit in the world.

Every Mexican woman does it to her husband when they leave the house.

They do the signs of the cross on them.

I think that's fucking badass.

My husband's going to want me to do that, though.

Is your husband Mexican?

Nope.

But he's going to like it.

I think he's going to want me to do that.

Yeah, of course.

Because you said it's awesome.

Mexican women's lunchboxes are freaking...

No, no, no, no, not the goddamn actual lunchbox, the stuff they put in it.

You guys are fucking horrible.

Packed lunches.

mexican women's packed lunches right oh look at this look at this look at this look at this okay go go do that that's right lunch at 5 a.m she's making sure

give them the signs of the cross she gives yeah okay

oh she's making them oh yeah god

there's not a white woman on earth

no no

look at this

Look, she puts homemade salsa.

Okay.

They always do some melon.

Oh,

it's the chili bat with some lime on the side.

Look at this.

Perfecto.

All right.

Dude, he's got a feast to go to work.

Dude,

you realize if he brings any of that back, she's going to hit him.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's the, she keeps him warm up top.

Oh, they always do fucking smoothies.

They always do fucking smoothies for their husbands.

Look at that.

Look at that.

She did the signs.

I told you.

Yeah.

I told you.

They did the signs of the cross.

Of course.

My mother used to do that to all of us, by the way, leaving the house.

Are you serious?

Every day.

Yeah.

Guess what we're going to start?

Let's start in a secret handshake.

Secret handshake?

We're going to do signs of the cross on each other.

Okay.

Okay.

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It's a whole line of these dude.

I am obsessed.

I am obsessed.

A Mexican culture just really got to me this week.

Yeah.

It's an awesome look.

Look at this.

Do you go to Mexico?

I've been to Mexico.

No, I mean like regularly?

No.

Unless I need something.

Oh my gosh.

Shout out to the fucking guy.

We were at the bottle signing.

You gotta keep going.

Hold on.

He gave me Vivance.

Oh, fuck yeah.

Yeah, And by the way,

she just, hold on.

Did she just make a fucking salsa real quick?

Yeah, she did.

Yeah.

She's just making her sauces.

Yeah.

She's making sauces for her husband right now.

Which nothing.

She just made a homemade queso.

This is, dude, Mexican women fucking rock.

And all I'll say is if you're a black woman and you're listening to this show, number one, I'm shocked.

Number two,

number two, yo, post your video.

I want to see black women making lunches for for their husbands.

And now I want to see white women making lunches for their husbands.

And this is a game show I would fucking invest in.

It's called Which Race is Better?

It's called Race Wars.

And it's what...

Look at this.

She's making fucking enchiladas for her husband.

She's wearing rubber gloves.

And he puts his fingers inside her, and she's still wearing rubber gloves.

Look at this.

My God.

Oh, different?

Yeah.

Sauces.

Oh, it's the fucking Mexican flag, Tom.

It's the fucking Mexican flag.

It's the fucking Mexican flag.

It's really beautiful the way she did it, too.

I'm ashamed of being white right now.

Oh, it's not the first time.

Look at this.

I bet that rice is so soft.

Oh, it's all.

It's all delicious.

Oh, she's making churros.

She's just fucking churros.

Tom, it's the Mexican fucking flag, Tom.

It's the Mexican fucking flag, Tom.

I know.

This is a...

Oh, my God.

I could watch homemade salsas being made on a loop.

Okay.

You ever make homemade salsa?

No.

Oh my God.

Look at this.

Look at this.

Can I tell you?

The only, I'll tell you right now, there's one gay couple.

How is this guy not 400 pounds?

I mean,

I can tell you how.

He fucking moves his body for 13 hours a day.

Guys, fucking...

You've seen.

Jesus Christ.

I gave

the guys.

Okay.

Okay.

Hang on.

You got to find the gay black couple.

I don't know what their names are.

The gay black couple that make

food for each other.

One's like a queen.

He's got long nails.

And the other's like power bottom.

Like, he's a fucking man.

And he's like, hey.

And he claps his nails like this.

And he's like,

that's him.

You fucking found him.

Red first shot.

First shot.

First shot.

Go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it.

Tom, this guy's awesome.

So for today, I made you hot honey sliders with mac and cheese.

Enjoy.

That's a ton of food, bro.

I know, right?

But watch him eat.

It's so fucking sensual.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mm-mm-mm.

Mm-mm-mm.

He's big about his pickles.

Yeah.

Do you watch this a lot?

I watch this a lot.

He's so happy.

Wait, do you see him eat the mac and cheese?

Now, how is he not 400 pounds?

I think he fucking slams this dude night and day.

Just fucks all the weight off of him.

Dude, this couple confuses me so much.

This mac and cheese always looks good.

This page is

worth the follow.

Dude, that's like a 3,000 calorie.

It's a fucking big meal.

Can I tell you?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit, yeah.

Fuck yeah.

Fuck yeah.

A lot of sound.

By the way,

it sounds like they're fucking.

So, wait, he does.

This is a misstep.

If you are, if you work at the hot Cheetos company,

this guy fucks with hot Cheetos.

Oh, he does?

Dude, he does hot Cheetos everything.

Hot Cheetos, chicken tenders, hot Cheetos, fried chicken, hot Cheetos.

He is fucking awesome.

Oh,

just go to hot Cheetos.

Go to hot Cheetos.

Look at this.

What the fuck is that?

So for tonight, I made you deep-fried bald egg hot Cheeto balls with custom nacho cheese sauce.

Deep fried bold egg hot Cheeto balls.

What in the?

Mm.

Mm.

Mm-mm.

I also got you some ranch on the side.

How is this guy not fucking 300 pounds?

I mean, seriously, he's not only, he's not even a little overweight.

Can I get a cross section, please?

That's the only thing I'd say.

Can I see what's inside that?

What does he say it's called?

Deep-fried

hot Cheeto-boiled eggs.

I'll take cheese.

Yeah.

That's insane.

Bro, I kind of want to watch them fuck.

You can.

I bet I can.

See if they have an OnlyFans.

They have an OnlyFans.

We're going to it right now.

By the way, can I tell you what I love about black men?

Not these black men.

8.7 million volumes.

What the fuck?

On TikTok?

Real Jay Lin?

Please have an OnlyFans.

Please have an OnlyFans.

Please have an OnlyFans.

Please have an OnlyFans.

He's the nail king.

Please have an OnlyFans.

No, fuck.

By the way, real Jay Lin,

that's $25 right there you missed out on.

Now, I guess you don't, I just am suggesting that I want to watch you and your husband fuck.

So I guess maybe that's something you want to keep private, but

wait, do you think anyone's ever gone on my

this guy's eating an insane amount of oh, look at the green one?

Go to the green one.

That's not fucking broccoli.

That's not broccoli.

What do you think that is, Tommy?

This is bro.

They done fried duolingo.

Before you act, I already got an appointment for Friday, so it's covered.

You think you need me to pay for it?

No, I got it.

You should.

Yeah.

So, for today, I made you St.

Patrick's Day fried tenders with a loaded baked potato and, of course, special sauce on the side.

Enjoy.

Look at that fucking tender.

If I had one of these meals, one.

I want chicken tenders now.

I would have so much diarrhea for so long.

Oh, yeah.

I would have a day's worth of diarrhea.

He fucks with pickles too.

He puts a pickle on everything.

I like pickles.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You want bees?

Sure.

So, you know what?

You know?

Instagram's kind of like the zoo a little bit.

Yeah.

Like, I feel like I'm just sneaking into their lives and watching it and going, like, that's so crazy.

And then I go back to my life and I'm like,

that was a close call.

I almost can't.

Can I tell you whose life I've been stalking?

Yeah, sure.

La.

God, what's her fucking name?

La.

La Sleepy.

La Sleepy.

La Sleepy.

Okay.

La Sleepy.

Lost sleepy.

Yeah, go down.

Lost sleepy.

Is that the first one there?

I think it's his.

I think it is.

Nope, that's not her.

It's La Sleepy.

Okay.

Lost Sleepy.

That's Lost Sleepy.

That's fucking Lost Sleepy.

Okay.

Oh, fuck yes.

Fuck you, Lost Sleepy.

No, hang on.

Hang on.

Go scroll down.

You lost sleepy?

There, get into the middle one.

The middle one.

The middle one.

The middle one.

Yeah.

I love this shit.

Turn up music.

Nothing but good vibes at the Whittier Boulevard Cruise.

It's that trolla life, man.

Dude, I love it.

I want you said you would

be so fucking cool.

This, and then don't you scroll her page?

They got her with her cars.

Her, she's got, oh, look at Tokyo, Tokyo.

I love this.

I don't do enough of this.

Yeah.

Posting up.

You want to start doing videos?

I want to start doing videos like this.

This is so fucking sexy.

They love the oldies man

are we almost done yeah nice I love this look at him

let's see that yeah

the old school cars with the old school jams I love it look at the sleepy sleepy right there I love the sleepy and you know what

this is crazy so I'm I follow the sleepy LaSleepy loves pickles

every time I eat a pickle I think of La Sleepy Isn't that bizarre?

Yeah, like that's like a

crazy thing.

Well, you have an association with it now.

How do you think she got that nickname?

You think she was because she was sleepy a lot or she looks sleepy?

I don't know.

You know what's crazy?

Is if I accidentally run into her at like a swap meet or something,

I'm going to fucking lose my shit.

And she's going to be like, well, how the fuck do you know who I am?

Well, she's got a good following.

She does?

A third?

It's like 38,000.

Oh, wow.

She's an influencer, man.

Yeah, it's crazy.

Like, it is like...

And I mean, I say zoo.

I don't want to.

You can book her.

There's bookings.

What?

It says bookings, right?

What can I book her for?

I don't know.

I think she's a chef.

She's a chef?

Scroll down.

I think she's got a taco cart.

Like a hot dog cart.

There you go.

Yeah.

Oh, let's hear her.

Hot dogs.

Lastly, you love hot dogs.

It says La Sleepy Hot Dog.

Dude, I fucking love hot dogs.

How do you not book her for a hot dog?

The bacon-wrapped hot dogs?

When I used to leave the Hollywood Bowl, when I would go to shows there, there'd always be somebody with a hot dog, bacon-wrapped hot dogs, and the corn, the Mexican corn.

Okay.

Hang on.

That's a great idea.

It was fun making hot dogs at my bro Boo-Boo's ice cream truck.

So you can probably get both.

Boo-boo's ice cream and fucking Sleepy's hot dogs.

I'd get La Sleepy to do.

Maybe I'll have La Sleepy come make lunch for our office one day.

Easy.

Create content.

That's awesome.

Fuck yeah.

Dude, I mean, you know, it's funny.

I get in this thing.

I have a real problem with Instagram, you know, because I disappear in it.

But it's not...

Like, I've blocked everything

comedy.

I don't want anything comedy.

I don't want any like clips of people.

I don't want that.

People doing fucking...

I don't want to watch...

You know, it'll depress me sometimes when you watch like...

When you watch like a young kid.

There was a young kid on Kill Tony when your episode.

That was actually really fucking funny and i got and i was like god man i gotta be real honest i don't know if i could do a minute minutes rough a minute's rough and the kid killed it but so like i block out i don't get any crowd work clips i don't get i just follow my friends but like i don't have any info from comedy my fucking instagram i'll deep dive into it

and i i can just i mean like anything with a toenail

you like watching those I'm fucking obsessed.

And then I get into a deep dive of like ingrown toenails or fucking

foot surgery, dry feet, cleaning dry feet,

pimple popping.

I mean,

it's crazy.

And I say to myself.

My feet's a little different.

I said to myself the other day,

I saw a picture of me and Leanne when Leigh Ann was pregnant.

On Instagram?

Yeah, I'll texted you guys.

So that's a picture of me and Leanne, right?

When Leighne was was pregnant.

Yeah.

I want you to see it only because I want you to see how happy I am.

Yeah.

And I realized why I was so happy.

That you were having a baby?

Well, no, no.

Oh.

No,

she's pregnant.

She doesn't look that great.

No, but I was happy, Tom.

Yeah.

Because I was present.

I was present.

I didn't have any.

Fucking care in the world.

I was making zero money.

I had zero.

Look at how happy I am.

Yeah.

I had zero.

I was still fat, but I was so, I was still as bald as I am today.

And I was so present.

And I was, I was like, you know what?

I took that with a camera.

Yeah.

I didn't take that with a phone.

I took that with a camera.

I set up a camera.

I set up a timer.

And I took a picture of us in the moment.

And I was like, I wasn't on my phone.

I wasn't scrolling.

I wasn't watching foot surgery videos.

I wasn't watching Sleepy or Two Gay Guys Make Fried Chicken.

I didn't have any.

I wasn't thinking about Mexican women or the Stations of the Cross.

I was present.

And I said to myself, what am I doing on my fucking phone?

What am I doing on my phone?

I'm wasting my life.

I'm scrolling, just scrolling, looking at other people live.

Do you think I'm going to be,

let's get meta on this?

So I'm in this weird fucking headspace because I'm getting back to work in June.

And I'm in this weird headspace of like,

dude, I haven't sailed sailed around the world yet.

I haven't climbed a mountain.

I need to go to the top of Machu Picchu.

I need to climb Kilimanjaro.

I need to sail to Hawaii.

I need to swim with sharks.

I need to go to Thailand and get on a beach and be off the grid.

And then I went, hold on.

Is that because I scroll and that's what I see?

And I see people doing it and them posting it.

Like, do you think people, do you think people were as adventure-driven before Instagram?

Well, not everyone, but there's always a segment of society.

I mean, isn't some of this just having like a bit of an existential crisis in a way of like knowing that

you start to get to a certain age where you realize that it's not forever and there's things you want to do.

I think that happened before Instagram.

Yeah.

There's just people that just, you just realize you have one go at this.

And if there's things like that that are exciting to you, there's a time, there's a ticking clock on it.

You know, there's just only so much time you have that you can do things.

I think about stuff like that, too.

I don't think it's all.

Sometimes what it is, is that the Instagram or the image you see reminds you of that thing that's already in your mind.

Like, I want to climb a mountain or I want to go to a place.

But you still wanted to go to that place before you saw images of it.

You still wanted to do that thing.

But I see what you're saying, that it can fuel it.

But I still think, you know, it's not like.

30 years ago, people weren't thinking of those things.

They were still having those thoughts.

It just wasn't always prompted by looking at their phone.

That didn't exist.

They still wanted to do those things.

But do you think, like, I wonder sometimes,

so one morning, maybe I've told you this, but

one morning I got up and we were getting ready.

We were on tour and everyone was meeting at my house and everyone was in the gym and I had just worked out and I was getting in the sauna and I heard them talking.

And as I got out of the sauna, I heard someone say,

is he going to pull?

It was still dark out and like is he gonna polar plunge and i didn't want to and i did and i did it so that they heard me do it because i you know yeah so it was performative it wasn't what i wanted to do yeah so then i and then i realized how much of my life is performative and i started looking at instagram going like how much of people's lives are performative how many people genuinely want to sail around the world or how many people go i wouldn't mind getting views for you know like well yeah it's like motivation for but the motivation is performative so then i started going like as i look at these people all like

these people going i'm running the 150 mile race and i'm tracking it here on instagram and then i go okay like

without instagram if they shut down instagram and tick tock how many people you think would just sell their boat and be like well if no one could see this then what's the point well some but some people also see it as um

it's being performative on those platforms allows people to sometimes monetize that, right?

Which allows them to do the thing they want to do.

So for some people, like

sailing or running, they're like,

if I didn't have this social media thing.

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't do it.

Okay.

I'm doing it.

That's there.

There's a dude.

Do you know John John Florence?

I don't know him.

But you know of him?

Uh-oh.

He's the best surfer in the world.

John John Florence?

Yeah.

You know Nathan Florence.

I'm friends with Nathan.

I'm friends with Nathan.

Okay.

So I was overhearing a conversation one time about John John Florence.

And then I heard it on a podcast.

But they were like, yeah, he's got this like 66-foot gunboat and he just sails to like fucking just sails at crazy places and doesn't post it on Instagram, doesn't tell anyone.

Yeah.

He's got footage from like two years ago that he's never posted.

He's like, whatever.

I'm also just the greatest surfer in the world.

And I just was like,

yeah, man, that's kind of, it's like old school sexy, like to do.

Is there anything you would do without posting it?

No.

nothing

i'm getting an iv on camera right now well we both are but yeah i know i mean that's the other thing um i yeah but you would do that i would i've gotten a hundred ivs and then this is the first every time i i post it

why i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know why i post half the shit i post and then and then i what's crazy is when you have a great moment and you're like this would be fucking epic to post and your kids are like nah

and you're like what the fuck really do you know what they said to me one time we went to dodgers opening day

opening day and uh dodgers hit me up and like yo you want to come i was like fuck yeah and they're like how many i said four and they go great i said girls you want to go to opening day and they're like fuck yes that would be great so like fuck yeah we get in the car and george and i like go hey no phones I said, what?

She goes, no Instagram today.

Let's just have like a day as a family.

And I was like,

What's the point if I can't post on Instagram?

I was like, Wait, so what are we gonna do?

And they're like, just no phones, let's leave our phones in the car.

I go, We can't leave our phones in the car.

But wait a minute, didn't you still enjoy going to the game with them?

Yeah, but yeah, but it was like

I ended up posting stuff anyway.

I don't know, Tom.

It's like I was like,

i couldn't this is a dodgers game

it was it was i have no idea

i i don't know it's it's it's an addiction to i don't know there's something the feedback you like you know what it is it's like everyone wants to be seen yeah

everyone wants to feel valuable yeah and feel

Hey, look at me.

You know, and I'm just like everyone else.

Maybe a little hyper version of that, but that's the thing.

It's like,

but like, if you didn't post it, it's like almost it didn't happen for you.

Yeah, and also there's a part of me that I love going through my feed and seeing stuff like this.

Like, if I don't take pictures of this, then maybe.

Oh, that's Leanne posted that.

Yeah.

Good.

Good.

It's on her.

I just want to say, it's just gay

bars are where it's at.

We went to the Iron Bear last night.

Annie was dancing there.

There was

so funny.

Annie was fucking going down with that dude.

Yeah, he was fucking.

We're cutting this out.

You know what's kind of cool?

What?

You don't see a lot of homophobia these days.

Yeah.

But man, black men are holding that shit down.

They're holding it down, dude.

They're not letting go.

And

it is nice that there's no end in sight.

It doesn't stop

in elementary school.

Black guys are holding on to that shit hard.

But

I will say this, in all sincerity, it was such a fun night.

It was so fun.

It was great.

We went to the Iron Bear here in Austin.

It was a Porosos bar takeover.

But the vibes were the best.

Everybody was there.

Meaning like the regulars that go to that place, fans, couples, women, guys.

And it was just, everybody was in a great mood.

We got to do

interviews outside on the street with people, which was way more fun than I thought it would be.

But everybody there was so welcoming.

They were just really cool.

And it was a fun night, man.

It was a so big shout out to the Iron Bear and

I guess everybody that just came out to that.

It was a fun, fun time.

You guys were.

It was fun for you because everyone wanted to fuck you.

No.

No.

I was, I was, I was.

You wore that.

And I thought I'd get a little more play.

What I did is I got.

Well, you also had those shorts off.

So you're ass cheeking.

I had the shorts off.

And man,

I will simply say, gay men are handsy.

Yeah, they were handsy.

They are handsy.

They hope they grab your ass.

I realized, dude,

if they want to move you, finger in the ass crack, move you to the side.

Not like all the way to one butt cheek and move you over.

Yeah,

yeah.

That was out at the I didn't realize my asshole was showing.

Your asshole showed.

Yeah.

Oh my God, I would have paid so much for it to have any there and had a guy move him by holding his waist,

hands on the waist, and moved him.

Just to have him been like, yeah, no.

Hey, man.

Here's the hands.

Dude, there we are.

Gay men fucking rock.

Yeah, it was fun, man.

Gay men,

and they told us the greatest stories.

We asked for like

for stories.

Oh, well, first of all, this is the crazy part.

Apparently, I am an obvious bottom.

Like, without a doubt, I am an obvious bottom.

The way they assess is so quick.

Yeah.

They're like, no shade, you're a bottom.

And I was like, no shade taken.

Wait, hold on.

Wait, what?

Yeah.

If you can last.

And by the way, they've all got hogs on them.

There's a couple that described themselves as like...

Also, they said the smaller end of dicks was between six and like if you're kind of like average small, you know, like six to seven.

I was like, wait, wait, what?

Smaller?

No, that's me and that guy rubbing cocks together.

Oh, yeah, your dick's touched.

Yeah.

Got a little fucking action from that.

You said you got a little...

Our tips touched.

And you got.

He was in a match.

I thought he had a a backpack on

he had he had did not have a backpack on he had those were it was the same outfit i had on except his was cloth yeah but you you got a little chub i did a little chub yeah

yeah it was it was we did interviews on the street and what's crazy is like we're gonna do more of these the fucking the best people to interview are people that don't want to be interviewed.

I know.

If someone wants to be interviewed, it's never the best person to interview.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

If you had taken your shirt off, they would have lost their fucking mind.

They would have lost their fucking mind.

Yeah, I wore the gayest shirt I had, and it seemed to work well.

Somebody mentioned this to Tethy.

They sent me this image, and they go, you look so miserable.

You, uh, you fucking

you you had a good time.

That's when I can tell if it's good or not is if you have a good time.

Did my face get bloated within this episode?

I don't know.

We got fluids going anyway.

Yeah.

Is my face bloated?

Did it get bloated?

But I'll say this.

Can I tell you this?

Can I tell you this?

Yeah.

It is flattering being complimented because men will say it to you in a way that women never will.

Women don't know how to.

So they like,

you can know a woman

digs you, but it's like you're sensing it.

But the guys are like

very

direct.

I would argue

gay compliments are up there.

Oh, I would argue women are dead inside.

All women?

Yeah.

And they don't know how to treat you the way a man can treat you.

That's true.

Like those guys, even when they'd shave me a little bit, they'd still make me feel better.

Right?

So like imagine if that was a hot chick.

I know.

And she was like, yeah, I wouldn't fuck you.

It ends there, right?

Yeah.

They'd be like, I wouldn't fuck you, but I'd let you fuck me.

And you're like, okay.

you're like not so bad yeah oh no no it was the other way around he goes i wouldn't fuck you but i'd like no

yeah i i wouldn't let you fuck me but i'd fuck you and i'd be like okay okay thank you thank you that feels good yeah no woman's gonna be like i wouldn't fuck you but you could fuck me It is interesting how gay compliments feel so good.

Why do it's almost like when black guys compliment you on your shoes?

I know.

It's almost like the trajectory.

I would feel like now it's like gay compliments are amazing.

Black compliments are great.

And then a gay, black compliment, unbelievable.

Oh, my God.

And there was a few last night.

There was a few gay black compliments.

Yeah, it was great.

Can I tell you also the other coolest thing is like just having guys go like, hey, thanks for coming here, man.

Yeah, yeah, they were super appreciative.

Yeah, they were like really, they were just solid guys that I had such a great fucking time last night.

And by the way, can I tell you, I didn't drink until we got done.

And I didn't have time to drink.

And you drank a lot.

Yeah.

No, because when we were doing interviews, you were like, I'm pretty hammered.

No, I didn't.

Yeah, you did.

I was not saying that.

You did.

I wasn't hammered.

You said that to me.

Oh, I drank at dinner.

You're right.

Okay.

Yeah.

And then, and you started with martinis, and then you had like a bottle of wine.

Yeah.

So it's

like.

It's not like you drank.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're pretty right.

And then we were drinking on the street.

And we're like, hey, we're not allowed to drink on the street.

And they're like, it's fine.

Yeah.

They're like, we fucked on this corner.

You can definitely have a drink.

He goes,

yeah, that guy said, he He goes, I've been fucked on this corner.

And you go right around here.

And he goes, No, right here.

South by is wild.

One guy goes, If these walls could talk, honey.

Also, all this shit that, like, as a straight guy, where you go, oh, you know, gay guys have it the best because they just get to fuck whenever.

And you're like, well, that's kind of a stereotype.

And then you talk to some of these guys and they're like, well,

sometimes you end up in a doing this and then you're, you're, all of a sudden there's five of you fucking each.

And you're like, wait, five of you?

And they're like oh, yeah, and then you think that's a lot and then you would end up in a warehouse in Dallas and there's 200 people fucking and you're like what what

Tom goes wait, are you on like a group text?

Yeah, I was like, How did you learn about this shit?

He's like, Well, if you really like fucking, you find out.

I was like, I like fucking, I'd like to find out.

God dang, yeah, what?

And that wait, what did that guy look like?

That was the guy.

He had, you asked him about the beard, he had like the cropped out.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

He was a good-looking kid.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And they were all pretty age-appropriate.

We had no.

What's crazy, though, is that like not everyone's a bear.

A lot of cubs, a lot of otters.

Yeah, it was the fool.

And then there was little short dudes.

Yeah, the little short guy.

Oh, my God.

And a couple tall guys.

Best.

I wish I had that shirt today.

Oh, yeah.

That Jason Kelsey shirt.

Yeah, yeah.

I got a post that for Jason Kelsey.

Jason Kelsey is probably the king bear.

Oh, my God.

If if he went there.

Dude, he would get fucked so quick.

No, they would want to be fucked by Jason Kelsey.

Do you think they'd want to fuck?

It's a big man.

They'd want to submit.

Jason Kelsey would.

Can I just soft pitch to Jason and Travis?

Go fuck guys.

Take.

Oh.

Go send garage beers to a bear bar.

Yeah.

And just send Jason.

Yeah.

They will, I mean, if you sent Jason and Travis,

Taylor Swift and Jason Kelsey, they would be like, Travis, we want to talk to you, but we're going to stare at your brother.

Yeah, yeah.

Dude, they are.

Their mom made

bear perfection.

Yeah.

He is the perfect bear.

He is the perfect bear.

Although, some might argue, we learned this last night, that

to be considered a bear by some of the standards for hair, are kind of ridiculous.

I didn't know this.

That like, I thought I have like, they're like, oh, that's not enough hair.

Yeah.

What are you talking about?

Like, no, you need to be like completely all over your back.

All over your shoulders.

Every inch of you has to be hair.

Otherwise, these guys would be like, you're not really.

He didn't, he said I wasn't even a bear.

No.

He was like, no,

hell yeah.

It's the best.

Jason Kelsey.

Ty Jason Kelsey.

I got him on a cocktail.

You want a cocktail?

Kinda.

It could be arranged.

Do We don't have to work today, do we?

We have to do a photo shoot.

Hey, do you want to try our vodka?

Yeah.

You want to do glass?

No, I can't.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you're a nurse.

What am I doing?

Hey, we came up with a new drink last night.

You want to hear about it, Coco?

It's called a UTI.

Yeah.

It's cranberry and vodka.

That's it.

Yeah.

I go, I said to someone last night.

That was a hit, dude.

I was the fucking hit.

I said to a gay guy, he goes, he goes,

cranberry and vodka.

He goes, cranberry and osos, please.

And I went, awesome.

I said, do you have a UTI?

And he goes, no, but I could use one.

I love gay men.

And I was like, and he goes, he goes, hands it over.

He goes, UTI.

Give me another UTI.

And then we just came up with a UTI.

I know.

And I thought it would be fun to say that, like,

hey, put a couple drops of cum in it.

And nobody liked it.

The one guy did say, yeah, Tom goes, it's called a UTI.

It's cranberry and porosos.

And we put a lot of drops of cum in it, and the place went

just silent.

I bombed so hard, and I was like, I thought we were gay,

and they were like, No,

I don't understand.

I thought, dude, we've had this conversation.

Not all gay guys like the taste of cum.

Yeah, it's crazy to me.

It's why put on the pads if you're not cool with concussions,

yeah.

Like any,

have you ever tasted cum?

No.

No, I have not.

Negative.

Not even your own out of curiosity.

No.

I wonder what my blood sugar is.

You never accidentally sprayed your face when you were laying on your back?

Accidentally.

No.

No.

Never done it.

Yep.

I guess I'm lucky.

All right.

Everyone else

go cut to that shot again.

Raise your hands if you've ever tasted cum.

Tasted cum?

Yeah.

Go.

Wait, it sounds like you went close.

What do you mean?

You just seem to need to specify as though you might have done something like that.

I have never tasted cum, no.

You never, like, were curious,

hey, you know, what's this gay shit all about?

No.

No, Zolo?

Neither?

No.

And you never were like, oh, I'm just going to blow a guy once just to see if I like.

All right.

What if we said, what if we said, what if we said

a million dollars,

a million dollars if you taste our calm?

Oh, your calm?

Fuck no.

No.

No.

Any.

No.

And I know you could do it, too.

All right.

Let's ask the women in the office.

Do you think that, oh, it's going to be this, like some will be like, yes, and some.

No, we're not going to ask them.

But I'm saying it's like anything where some people will be like, oh, I love it.

And some people hate it.

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Hold on one second.

What?

I can't.

I wish we could.

Wait, what?

What?

Every woman in the office would take a million dollars to taste cum.

Oh, I know that.

I'm saying some have a taste for it and some don't, just like you're saying.

I don't think someone's going like, I don't think there's anyone in your office silently thinking to themselves, God, I want to taste their cum.

No, no, not theirs.

I'm saying

in their own lives,

some of them are into it and some are not.

That's what I'm saying.

Like, some have boyfriends that are like, yeah, I love it.

I know that.

What I'm saying.

You're talking about us?

No, I'm just just saying.

I'm saying

this.

I don't know how to talk about this.

Every woman in here would taste her cum for like a million dollars.

Yeah.

That's it.

That's it?

Yeah.

These guys won't do it because they think it makes them gay.

First of all, yes, they fucking would.

You know what?

If we laid out the cash,

the thing is, I know that you could.

I know that that you could.

I know.

Hold on.

Hold on.

For real.

Yeah, no.

This is insane.

A million dollars?

Dude, I tasted your money.

For $1 million?

I would gargle your cum

and swallow it for $1 million, and I have a lot of million dollars.

Coco.

No, no, don't ask Coco.

Wait, do you have breast milk?

Do you have breast milk right now?

No, not right now.

I drink Coco's breast milk for a million dollars.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah,

By the way, Coco, no offense, I would do it for $40.

Any, would you drink breast milk for $40?

For free, yeah, why not?

For free.

Okay, so that's how I think most women would deal with come.

They're like, it's come, whatever.

It's not a big deal.

Yeah, I think a lot of, by the way, a lot of straight guys, if you offer them a million dollars, I think these three lying whores we have in the booth.

Yeah.

Wait, is it all three you're saying no?

No, solo definitely take the check.

Chad gonna do it.

I mean, if you laid out a million, a million.

I guess it depends on how it was administered, you know?

Yeah, you don't have to take it fresh from the source.

Wait, hold on, hold on, you fucking queen.

Now you're gonna tell us how we're gonna get to come to you.

That matters.

It's a million dollars.

I'm gonna tell you right now: Chad, you're gonna be blindfolded and your knees are gonna be cold.

Did you ever see the clip of

the podcast I did with Ari and Matthew Broussard?

It was wild.

Yes, I think I did see this clip.

I can't do not say names.

Don't say names.

Wait, why can't you say names?

Because I can't say the person who did its name.

So I promise him I'd never say whose name it was.

We blurred his face out.

It's

edit that out.

It's

we did you see the clip?

Did you see the clip?

Uh-oh.

Oh my god.

So Ari pisses in a glass, right?

Yeah.

Like he always does.

And then he puts it there.

And we're like, yo, get this out of here.

So Pete goes in and gets the glass.

And he's walking to port in the bathroom.

And I go, Pete, for a million dollars, would you drink Ari's piss?

And he goes, no.

And I go, hold on, Pete.

You've got to have a price point.

I go, $1 million.

And he goes, well, fuck.

And out of nowhere, here go, I'll do it for a thousand.

And Pete goes, we were just at a million.

Yeah.

Said person comes out,

takes the piss, and drinks.

Look at this.

There you go.

There you go.

You're a little dehydrated, Pete.

Yeah, a little bit.

I'll do it.

All right.

How much to take a sip of it, Pete?

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

How much?

Let's start with the high.

No, no, no, let's come up with a real number.

Let's harder than that.

$5 million, obviously.

Okay.

Okay, okay.

A million.

$2?

dollars?

Obviously, no.

A million?

Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Okay.

I mean, yeah.

We've got a deal.

We've got a deal.

We've got a deal.

We've got a deal.

If you're going to take a sip of Ari's piss for $1,000.

I mean, let's beat.

Let's go.

Jewish man pays Goy to drink his piss.

Oh, hang on.

Hang on, kit.

Come over here and do it on camera.

Are you going to throw up?

Look at the look on Ari's.

I mean, no one thought you have done it before.

I can't watch this.

This is for my family.

Wait, I'll just give you $1,000.

To not do it?

Oh, no, dude.

He drinks it?

I did it.

I'm going to give you $5,000.

To do it one more time.

What do it taste like?

Hey, hey, someone give him $5,000.

Someone give him $5,000.

$5,000.

What?

What?

$5,000?

$1,000.

$1,000.

$1,000.

What did it taste like?

Hey, how did you go from $5,000 back to one?

That's awful.

You're like...

He goes, no, I just thought it was $1,000.

Hey, everyone, go see Matthew.

By the way, can I tell you what's brilliant?

What you just did?

Right at that moment, because I knew people were watching, I plugged Matthew Special and you hit pause right before I said it special.

It's on YouTube.

It's called called hyperbole Matthew Matthew

was Matthew saying that he's Jewish Matthew is Jewish oh that's

you don't think so because he's attractive that's not what I

um

was it no but was Ari just learning that there that's what I'm asking yes so Ari didn't know Ari didn't know no

and Matthew's also it's French right Broussard no he's he's uh he's

I think he's autistic he's uh that's not a nationality.

He uh we took him to a strip club one time and uh I was asking if he's French.

Isn't that a French last name?

Yeah, it sounds like it.

Okay.

Yeah.

I never seen him with a croissant in his hand.

I mean that's a you could still you don't have to

you just be like, yeah, he's a French Jew.

Yeah.

So swimmer?

Very good swimmer.

Yeah.

His girlfriend or fiancé, I think he lives in Austin now.

He's not gay?

No.

Oh.

No.

We took him to a strip club and he had never been to a strip club.

He'd never been to a strip club.

He'd never been to a strip club.

Okay.

And

he's a very literal man.

Like, he's really smart.

Do you know what he does to calm down after a show?

Math problems.

What?

He goes in and does math problems.

Regularly?

Regularly.

He tutors children.

He tutors children.

in math for free because it relaxes him.

What?

He tutors children in math.

He's one of the most

common is like, I said, jaw clenching and tingling of the tongue.

Or sinus that you should.

Here, do you want to give me my shot now on camera?

Holy shit.

Yeah.

He's, by the way, he's one of the smartest human beings I know.

Dude, look at this guy.

He's so fucking funny.

He really is hysterical.

Wait, was he a college swimmer?

No.

This is just from casual swimming?

Dude,

he knows swimming like crazy.

Like, he really follows swimming.

So he did swim in college.

Is he a Division I swimmer?

He must have been.

You don't know shit.

I don't know.

You don't listen at all.

So

I think his wife, his girlfriend went to the Olympics, I think.

As a swimmer, too?

I think so.

I don't know.

I don't listen a ton.

Completely made up.

Is that his page?

That's Monday, Pun Day.

He's really good at puns.

That's insane.

He's really smart, man.

When I was getting ready for this hour, he was just traveling with me the whole time and doing shows with me.

And the way he assesses comedy is so

somewhat analytical yet fun.

There was a joke I had.

Here we go.

I'll let you poke me.

Can we do the booty?

Yeah, can we?

Yeah.

Sorry, y'all.

Are you gonna hit my sciatic?

No.

Alright, ready?

One, two, three.

You good?

Yeah.

I'm putting a band-aid so you don't get any blood.

There you go.

Okay.

His assessment for comedy is so analytical.

Like, he really does go, you said this here, you can't say this again.

Like, he's just really, he's really smart.

You should check out his special.

It's on YouTube.

It's really funny.

But, man, he

that moment, I mean, we spend the rest of the moment, we talk.

I mean, it was like such a fucking wild thing.

What's crazy is my podcast streams live downstairs to all the women downstairs.

Oh, my God.

And you should have heard the screaming.

Sandra is one of the young ladies who works.

She threw up.

She threw up.

I mean, I look like Ari was about to throw up, but it's his piss.

I know.

Super gnarly.

So what's our price point on tasting cum, boys?

No.

No.

Zero for me.

Zero.

It's insane.

If there was a game show.

How do you drink cum?

Yeah, man.

Yeah, what would you call it?

It's online.

Come, God.

It's brought to you by First We Feast.

it's called hot combs

taking it from the source that would be cool that would be cool you just different types of gum and they i understand if you were like hey this guy's gonna fire it right into my face that might be like a different price all right what about this honey what about this okay soft pitch

I give you a million dollars.

You will taste, you will eat cum within the week.

You just don't know when you're going to get it.

That's even, that's just the same thing that works.

What the fuck?

I don't know, but like, it's a fucking surprise.

Yeah, it's a surprise.

I was like, it's in a souffle.

Like, you don't know.

You think you're eating something.

I bet you've had cum before.

No.

All right.

New office game.

We got to get Eddie to eat cum without him knowing it.

Yes.

And then we give you the cum surprise.

Yeah.

Wait, has a girl ever kissed you after giving you a blowjob?

Yeah.

I don't think I have any taste to come if that's the case.

Yeah.

No.

That's never happened?

No, as a matter of fact, I push them away.

They get upset about it.

Oh, when they try to kiss you?

Wait, how long?

How long?

Bitch, who's had my dick in your mouth?

Yeah.

Whoa.

Wow.

What?

Coco in here is giggling, going, as a woman, I'm a little offended.

Yeah, of course.

Wait, so wait, if a girl, how long do you need to allow a mouth to rest before you'll go back to kissing it?

Any amount of time, it's brushing your teeth.

So go brush your teeth.

That's what you say.

Go brush up, bitch.

I mean, hey, I don't say

you're thinking it.

I know you were like, yeah, bitch, go get some Colgate.

yeah no i'll just be like uh she always well all right yeah they'll come up and i'll just be like woo hey

you don't think it's kind of you don't think it's kind of hot to have a little bit of your remnants on her mouth when she kisses you i sure don't

i think it'd be hot if she wants to keep it there like hey that's cool but like don't kiss me no All right.

Hey, okay.

I think Zolo and Chad are being a little more honest.

Yeah.

Guys, have you ever kissed a girl after she sucked someone else's dick?

Raise your hand.

No.

No.

What?

Yeah.

What do you mean?

10th grade.

Oh, 10th grade.

Okay.

Like, right after?

No, I think it was pretty close.

All I know is I told my story.

What kind of an animal were you fucking dating in 10th grade?

I told my story.

I told my story at lunch the period after the guy told his story.

Uh-huh.

So like the guy told his story.

There were two periods of lunch.

Yeah.

Some guys had both periods.

You know, so like, there was a group of guys that stayed.

And you're like, I made out with Kelly.

I was like, I hooked up.

I want to say her real name because I'm still fucking bitter about it.

Yeah.

But I was like, I hooked up with dot, dot, dot.

Let's just call her Monica.

It's not Monica.

And it's that, I can't say Monica because I know Monica that we all grew up with.

But I made out with

fucking Frida.

Frida Carlo.

Okay.

Okay.

Got it.

I made out with Frida.

And everyone goes, when?

I said, Saturday night at Ty's house.

And they're like,

when?

And I went, does it matter?

And they're like, when did you make out with Frida?

And I said,

it was at the end of the night.

And they go, was it the end of the night?

And I said, yeah.

Like, at the end of the night, she got on the couch, she started making out with me.

And they're like, oh.

That's awesome.

So what's Sean's dick taste like?

I went, what?

They're like,

Sean got a blowjob from her earlier.

I was like, fucking Frida Carlo's a whore.

Yeah.

She is.

God, man, I bumped so much.

Wait a minute, but Zolo, back to you and Chad.

Yeah.

You've kissed a girl after she's given you nice mouth kisses, right?

I'll do like a tight-lipped peck.

Yeah, yeah.

Like you're kissing your grandma?

Yeah.

There you go.

I definitely have.

Yeah.

I'm not ashamed of it.

No, of course not.

No, of course not.

You're a fucking adult, man.

You're supposed to like full French after that.

That's the way you do it.

Yeah, you have her hold a little bit left for you and give it back to you.

And we call it the Ennie.

And then you go, hey,

you go,

leave a little in my stash.

I want to know it was there.

Exactly.

Eddie, I'm really shocked.

What are you shocked about?

Like, just that you hold firm opinions

on this.

Do I seem like I would like come?

Is that what you're surprised about?

What's the surprise?

Well, you know, they usually say

all black guys are gay.

Clip it out.

All right, we got to run.

We got to run.

Thank you guys for watching.

Thank you for listening.

And

yeah,

we'll see you next week.

I love you.

Love you too.

Bye.

Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert.

One goes topless while the other wears a shirt.

Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.

Here's what we call two bears, one cave.