Married To The Queen Of Garbage w/ Kevin Ryan & H Foley (Are You Garbage?) | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Welcome to another episode of Two Bears One Cave.

This is an exciting day here.

The The sexual energy is thriving.

It's charging.

I can feel it in my bones.

And we're really happy to tell you guys that on February 25th, you can check out the all-new Route 66

tour comedy special.

It's coming out on YouTube.

And these are the guys behind it.

Give it up for the Are You Garbage Guys, Kevin and H.

Foley, everybody.

What's up, guys?

Good to see you, buddy.

Thanks for having us.

Of Of course.

It's so good to see you.

Congratulations.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Special.

Thank you.

This is a documentary special that encompasses Are You Garbage with the Crowd?

Stand Up.

And I think actually it's the thing that people want to see the most, which is like the bits, the off-stage fun shit.

Like on the bus, fucking around in restaurants.

That's exactly what it is.

Dumping out salt shakers.

Whatever you do for fun.

But it has it all.

Yeah.

it was very, like, we, through the bus, we got, I mean, because we are just dirtbags and like, you know, we just did this ourselves.

Like, I just started calling bus rental places, and I'm like, can we have a bus?

They're like, sure.

But we got a bus from like 1981, maybe.

You got a purposely bad old?

No, it was just like, that's what I mean.

It's got a lot of characters.

It felt like we were in like a log cabin in the 80s.

It was fucking, dude.

The seats were ripped.

It was fucking bad.

How many people were on the bus with you?

Nine guys.

Nine dudes

nine dudes it was it was yeah so it was uh

me him two openers uh sam and tommy a tour manager and then the crew was uh three people and a producer okay and a bus driver who hated our guts oh he hated we thought he was either deaf or didn't speak english for the first four days and it turned out he turned out he just didn't like us

at all because were you guys like rowdy

well i mean probably a little bit but nothing like what did he not like about you just our faces, really?

Like, right away.

We're his kind of guys.

Do we have it on?

We have us meeting him after the first night because he got there, parked the bus, and, you know, we lost to the venue.

It was there in Chicago.

Yeah, we met in Chicago and then took the bus all the way to California over the 12 days.

And I get there.

So like we go, we do the show.

The bus calls, you know, it's like, you know, 2 a.m.

or whatever.

So like we go, we do the show, do the meet and greet, go out for beers and like something to eat.

And we're coming back and he's there smoking a cigar.

I'm like, hi, I'm Kevin.

Nice to meet you he just put his hand out no like no words no just i said thanks for driving us and he just fucking strong silent type so yeah i mean first of all he's a simon is driving the 1981 fucking capivo so this is not their best guy yet but i think he said it had like 20 like 2.2 million miles it was like crazy it broke down was it like his bus

like we got him off airbnb it was just an rv so so wait so like describe him.

Like, how old is he?

He was a Dominican guy from the neighborhood I live in.

I live in a Dominican neighborhood in New York called Washington Heights.

Yeah, he lives.

He's from there, and he's like, you fucking live there.

I'm like, you're an idiot.

He's like, I got out.

I had a pretty good conversation with him one night.

We took shrooms, and I was up.

Not the driver, just

me.

And

he ripped heaters, so we were still smoking at the time.

So he let me come up and sit and smoke a sig with him.

I chatted him up a little bit, found a little bit of his life story okay nice guy uh he's dominican dominican dude maybe you know a little bit of a rougher younger days he's got a past oh okay he well he's not a lot in canada we found out he's got he's got a past yeah neither am i you know what i mean yeah

so yeah it's good the tour didn't go up there sure yeah i just stopped in la so he was really cool though so and was he like like from dominican or was just like no just like a new york dominican guy i got you and what really broke him is we were you know the we pulled over and we had a drone flying above us like we were pulling into a town.

Like the production guy was like, yo, pull over.

So they throw the drone up and we're cruising.

He's cruising.

And then they hit a fucking power line with the,

and it fucking just blew up.

It fell on the ground, got ran over.

And he thought that was the funniest thing.

He loves that.

Meanwhile, it was like a $15,000 loss for us.

And he's like, ha ha, I ding a truck hit it.

Did a car hit it?

Did a truck hit it?

I'm like, dude, we get it.

All right.

We get it.

Yeah.

We lost a lot of money.

Sure, yeah, it sucks.

We're in the red on this fucking thing, dude.

It's going on YouTube.

We're not even selling.

I was sleeping.

I didn't see it anymore.

Holy shit, man.

Uh-huh.

Like, everything that kind of could have, in a good way, of like, it's very us.

Like, so much shit just

went wrong.

The thing, too.

I shit my pants.

You shit your pants?

Yeah.

On the tour?

Yeah.

On five different cameras and tried to hide it, which is the most insane.

Where were you?

I didn't realize they were filming.

So

I was still in Ozempic at the time, and it was really, it was really killing me.

Killing me.

Was it helping?

No,

it was making me, I was so sick.

I had burps, the runs, the whole nine yards.

I was in a bad spot.

So

I was on a clock because you get on that bus, kid poop.

He acts like he lives in like a typical good spot normally.

Like he's not burping and forwarding.

But I had to really time it out, and then the bus broke down, and that kind of jammed up my schedule.

Yeah.

Per se.

Yeah.

And yeah.

We got to the place where we were getting the bus fixed and, you know, something happened.

I didn't realize fucking Luke, our producer, was running around like the school newspaper filming me.

Dude, meanwhile, he's got a lava.

Like, we are, we're on like day seven of production.

I thought it was under the radar.

Was it running down your legs?

Was it like no, no, it wasn't not.

He threw the underwear away.

Yeah, I had to get rid of the underwear.

Didn't break the upper atmosphere, but he kept the shorts on, though, for the rest of the day, which is a wild joke.

That would have been a dead giveaway, I figured.

Oh, so it was just to like save face.

Yeah, yeah.

So we got there.

Were there stains on it?

I knew there

from the outside could you be like oh these are well they were dark they were dark basketball shorts.

Okay, so

yeah, they were stained at a glance.

I could have maybe sat in some water or something like that.

I remember when my I was with my dad one time and we were in Portland, Maine and we went out.

He was like, we got he's like, let's go get lobster.

And so we got lobster and then we walked.

It's like a father-son trip.

By the way, it's like I'm fucking 40.

I mean, this is like a few years ago.

And

we get back to the, we're in the hotel lobby.

And he's like, I got to take a shit.

So he just goes to the lobby

bathroom.

And I go up to the room.

We're sharing a room.

Sure.

So I go into the bathroom of the hotel room we're in.

And I'm sitting there taking a shit.

And then, I don't know, a minute later I hear on the bath.

I go, what's up?

He goes, me.

I go, I thought you fucking

were using the bathroom downstairs.

He's like, I shit my pants.

And I go, okay.

So he's like, hurry up.

I go, I'm on the toilet, man.

Like, hold on.

So I clean up.

I get out.

And he's like, I shit my pants.

I go, what happened?

He's like, well, I was walking in and it was, you know, it was five feet too far.

The toilet.

So I was like, okay.

So he goes in there, he cleans up,

and then he comes out and he's telling me the story.

I'm like tearing up, laughing at it.

And then he's like, all right, well, let's go to whatever, like go to see a movie or something.

And I, he starts putting pants.

I go, are those the pants you just shit in?

He's like, well, yeah.

I go, well, don't you want to look at them?

And he holds them up.

And you see this brown stain.

I go, you can't wear those.

He goes, why?

I go, because there's shit on them.

And he goes, it's just a little bit of shit.

That's crazy.

And I go, no, that's not a sentence.

No one says it's just a little bit of shit.

I go, don't you have other pants?

He's like, yeah.

I go, well, get the other fucking pair of pants.

Yeah, that's why you don't look.

looking is bad yeah yeah when you don't want an answer you don't look yeah yeah

yeah it was bad reality in the cold lighted day he's a unique guy on a bus yeah to live with for that nine guys he'll just be like you come in he's like sitting in your bunk and i'm like dude get your proven shitty ass off off of my bed like that's you like we

i put my shoes on so he's dude he's an animal he's the only guy just like his luggage is out and open and they was it a slow reveal that you had done this.

In other words, that like

they found, so they were filming, like, so the bus broke down.

We were getting all that footage and stuff like that.

But I didn't realize Luke was like hovering around me with a camera.

And when I got off the bus, is when the incident occurred.

And it's like, it's a moment, right?

It's like one quick moment.

But I wasn't sure yet.

Oh, right.

Because you have to check sometimes.

Because we have the two-finger dab and then the

when I wasn't sure.

Because you know sometimes sometimes it feels like is it wet down there?

And you go.

Dude, he comes up to the nose and does that.

Yeah, you got that on camera?

People on camera, dude.

No, I didn't realize that.

How many goes?

You think they got a bathroom in there?

And they're like, so, I mean, this poor mechanic shop, it was a family-owned mechanic shop in like Arizona.

And if it wasn't, if we weren't at that specific mechanic shop, I don't know how other mechanic shops are, but this bathroom was like a bathroom at a house.

Like they had a sink, they had cleaning products

under the sink.

It was like a powder.

They had paper towels in there.

You took the underwear right in the trash?

Yeah.

Well,

first I checked because, you know, sometimes, you know,

it feels swampy.

Yeah, yeah.

And it isn't.

Right.

Unfortunately, this time that wasn't the case.

There was some action.

For everybody involved.

So I had loose basketball shorts on.

So I thought I did it real swick.

I just did like

one of those.

Yeah.

And I knew it was bad news.

Yeah.

Yeah.

For everybody.

Yeah.

So I excused myself from the group and I went in.

And same thing with your dad.

Somebody was in there.

Somebody else was in there and I was banging on the door and I heard the toilet flush.

It was Tommy Cassidy, our opener.

And I was like, listen, I heard the toilet flush.

Next thing I should hear water running.

Get out of there.

I got a situation.

So I go in there, have to get completely naked.

Yeah.

I'm completely naked.

And it's like a little, it's like, it's a chilly Albuquerque morning.

So I feel that draft coming in.

Yeah.

Standing in these people's bathroom.

They're live.

Their livelihood is in the line.

He's just like got a pair of shitty underwear and a brown ass on him.

So

I threw them in the trash can.

All right.

Threw them in the trash can, cleaned up, had to clean.

I was like the wolf.

I had to clean up the bathroom, get rid of everything.

And thank God they had,

you know, you sometimes put a clean trash bag under the dirty one so you could fill it.

They had that.

So it was cool.

I got away clean.

Yes.

I grabbed my bag.

I threw my shorts on.

I moved out.

Hook shot it in a dumpster.

And that's it.

Bus was fixed.

Let's go.

Thought, all right, no big deal.

Everything's clean.

He doesn't think anybody knows.

So at this point, in your mind, you just got away with this, right?

The heist of the century.

It was like the Lufthansa heist.

Jimmy!

That was set.

Our producer comes out to me at lunch and he's like, dude, I have something that I probably shouldn't.

I'm like, if it's in the nick, if it's in the world of comedy, if we can get laughs out of this, you have to tell me.

I think it was very funny.

And he's like, Foley,

I'm pretty sure Foley shit himself.

I'm like, when?

He's like, an hour ago.

So I'm like, well, we haven't changed.

We haven't chat.

We've, you know, the bus is up on a jack.

I was on the bus eating Cheez-Its at the time when this was all going on.

We get back.

So he's sitting there eating, snacking away.

And I'm like, what?

We're like, we're on the road to, because at this point, we're like, meanwhile, it's like just the duality of the dichotomy of the show.

He's

actively has fecal matter in his underwear.

Allegedly.

And I'm like, can we get to Sprinter van?

Like, we have to still get six hours to a show that has to go, like, you know what I mean?

Yeah, we're behind the eight ball a little bit.

I'm like, we're calling rental car.

They're like, no, you can't return the car to another location.

We're just trying to figure out.

We're like, can we get a plan?

Like, anything we can do.

They were all handling that.

I had other businesses.

And he's like, you think they got a bathroom in here?

And I'm like, dude, what the fuck?

So then we finally, with the reveal, we slow, we slow roll it, just so happened, like we would do on a pot.

I'm like, what happened at the mechanic shop?

And he's like, oh, like he

thought the service was great.

you're still downplaying it I say and I'm like do you want to get out in front of this or like because I I know what happened and it's it was just like a lie till the end until they got you yeah until they got you on camera

you need to see the evidence before

yeah talk to my lawyer

I don't answer questions

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keep my hands on the wheel i don't answer questions oh my god so that's in the dock though that's all in there

yeah.

I mean, I wanted that just to be the dock.

I'm like, fuck the comedy ass.

Just release this.

That's the best part of the dock.

Yeah.

That's going to be the highlight of it.

It was the way it was shot and the way the editor did it.

And like, look back.

And like, I mean, because we have so many angles of it that I'm like, this is the maybe the funniest thing I've ever been a part of.

It just shows you, too, that like you can work at comedy for

so long, and a real moment like that will be funnier than anything you ever wrote.

He'd a fat out of shit in a dumpster.

If you want the Emmys to call.

Wait, you were on the Ozempis then?

I was on the Ozempis then.

Yeah.

You now know.

Now, I had an up and down with the Ozempis.

I know it's bad.

I'm sure you got a lot of questions.

It's bad news.

I understand.

I'm aware of what I look like.

No, it's just, you know.

We went to dinner last night.

He had lobster three ways.

He had three different kinds of lobster.

All right.

Listen.

Well, wait.

Poached, fried.

He had a lobster taco.

Okay.

A soup.

Yeah.

And then his.

You ordered the lobster taco.

No, it's my fault.

You ordered the other two types of lobster for yourself.

That's Eddie V's.

Eddie V's.

Shout out to

that's a nice joint right there.

How was the bill?

Heavy.

Heavy bill.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But that's the one place we do splurge.

Food.

Steakhouse.

And we really, we don't go anything.

It's typical.

We'll go ahead.

Steakhouse is the, you can't go wrong at a steakhouse.

And we only do, we only, listen, we only do it in like, you know, once or twice, like, you know, on like something like this, you know, we had like a long week or whatever, like the first night we got here, we got the guys with us and stuff like that.

You know, we, you know, we want everybody to have a good time.

Have you been

celebratory?

When you come here, have you been to Jake Harver's?

No.

No, we went to Three Forks.

How'd you like that?

Loved it.

Did you get the King's Butter?

What the fuck is you dropping that on me now, Tommy Buns?

Had a little King's butter in my underwear.

You got to go back.

You got to get the King's Butter, yeah.

That place was expensive.

Yeah.

That place was

that was that was a heavy bill.

Actually, well, you told me, I mean, mean, you got here, you guys were like, we are spenders.

We're just banned with money.

We also almost got kicked out of Three Forks because we were pretty fucked up.

Really?

We probably shouldn't have been in there.

I'm literally, I have this exact outfit on, and I got a backwards hat on.

Our producer's blind, drunk, kicking, chant, like falling into things.

I was wearing a bathing suit.

What?

At Three Forks?

We are who we are, Tommy.

We can't change it.

Our money's still green?

Were they like, excuse me?

I'm pretty sure they thought we weren't going to be able to cover the check.

We were in the middle of the dining room.

There was

nice people having nice dinners, enjoying themselves.

You guys were just animals?

We started day drinking at like two.

We went to Cisco's and East Tech Shoutouts.

I don't know if you've ever been to Cisco's.

Great Mexican food.

Okay.

Started out.

We're like, oh, let's have a beer here.

And then that, the weather was nice.

It was like 75.

Yeah.

Let loose, man.

Yeah.

You got to do what you're saying.

It was our only off day.

We knew we were in trouble when after we ordered, they came and they flipped out the lease.

Dude, they came to open up the table.

And I was like, at this point, I'm like in the walkway.

And there's like, there's two nice couples having dinner behind us.

We're screaming back and forth.

We're doing this.

We're doing that.

We were like, we were a scene for that place.

It's not like we had each other in headlocks and, you know, trying to put each other out or anything.

How did you guys handle the Super Bowl?

Quietly.

Quiet.

I watched it at home with my wife.

Because we went to the NFC championship the week before

and I realized very quickly after that whole excursion that I wouldn't have made the

it was rough really yeah how so I had to walk to the subway there was no cars had to get through Broad Street walking around my feet were killing me I was all we were all fucked up I just knew we couldn't do another weekend like that like that were you considering going thought about it you know in the moment we were excited because that's hometown it would have buried us hometown yeah hometown it's also like we we got our boy, you know, the but I don't know if you know, like, uh, Tommy Pope, Chris O'Connor, Gilly, and we always go to the game, like we always go to Philly's game, like Philly's games or whatever, big games together.

And it was like it was like rally the troops type thing.

I was like, I don't fucking do it.

Also, we're gonna have to pay for tickets like fucking schlubs.

Oh my god, I'm hitting up everybody, and they're like, I'm hitting up our agents, like, you made us like $700 last year.

Get out of here.

They're like, we can get you into the party, maybe.

Super Bowl tickets are crazy, crazy.

Crazy.

Yeah.

I also also didn't, you know, just I didn't want to watch that in that environment because I was very anxious about it.

I don't want to go to any Super Bowl parties.

I wanted to sit in the dark, quiet, and watch it.

But you must have really enjoyed it.

I mean, not because I kept thinking, like, this fucking guy's going to come back.

Right.

If anybody could have done it, you know, it's him.

But there was a point where, like,

it was probably in the

third or the dagger.

Yeah.

The dagger like, oh, shit, this is really cool.

This is happening.

Also, it was such a beatdown.

Crazy.

I've never, i've never ever

also like the the vegas people must have made out because there's no way people were betting with these types of spreads no no no no no yeah no way it was also very like the philly mentality is like we don't win like like we have to eke out weight like you know it's just very much like tooth and nail and then to have that you're like what the

i mean i it's just so crazy to see not just how good you guys looked but like how bad they looked wild They looked so bad.

You know what it looked like?

It looked like when sometimes when like an old mean coach makes his JV team play the varsity,

and they're like, these guys are way bigger and stronger.

And like, this is not cool.

Someone's going to get really hurt.

That's what it looked like.

It looked like two different leagues of teams playing.

Really, yeah.

There was a guy in Philly in the 60s, I think.

He ended up becoming

one of the managers of this restaurant I worked at when I was a kid, the Blue Bell In.

His name was Jack Friel, Philly legend.

He was the coach of a Catholic school in Philly.

The night before, like the city championship or whatever it was, the varsity team got in trouble for like drinking or something like that.

Starts, benches them all, starts the JV team, wins the city championship.

What?

Or the staff?

I'm not sure what it was, but there should be a movie about that.

That's what I'm talking about.

Some of these old guys, like right before I got to my high school in Florida, when I transferred there from Milwaukee, we, um, the old,

like, you could just tell the guy's mean AD was the also the high school, was also the football coach.

And he transferred out.

So I never, I got to see him when I moved there.

And then by the time spring came around, he was gone.

And they were like, oh, yeah, he's a piece of shit.

And they go, he would, like, like, one time I remember, I tried to, I asked one of the kids in my class, I was like, why don't you play football?

He's like, I'm not doing that anymore.

And I go, why?

He goes, well, that guy,

he goes, just for his own amusement one time, to make me like run full speed at a like he was a freshman, at a senior, and just to like, and they, and the senior was like the big fucking juiced fucking guy.

Like a neck roll on and everything.

Yeah, he was like, just 40, 40 yards, sprint at him.

And the fucking senior knocked him out, like sent him into the unconscious.

And he was like, yeah, that was the last time.

I go, yeah, that's not.

That's a life lesson.

What are you talking about?

Come on.

The next guy's not going to make you do that.

He was like, I'm done with that shit.

I'm not doing that again.

He just did it to like bully.

he did.

Tony's kids are soft now, Tommy.

That's right.

That is what you see.

The fucking Rick Petino thing?

That's crazy.

No, what happened?

Dude, you got to pull this up.

This, um,

this is so great.

I just saw this.

Oh, wait, maybe I'm thinking of something else.

It's a go to bleacher report on Instagram.

They fucking Rick Petino is still at it.

Fucking, he's been coaching, I feel like 45 years or something.

Old schooler.

Old schooler.

So he's, I think he coaches St.

John's now.

They are.

Scroll down.

Right there.

Where have you guys been?

And when you click on that, you'll have to swipe and turn the sound on.

Basketball player.

Dig in.

This is halftime.

Every time you miss a shot, your game deflates.

We don't care about your missed shots.

Play fing defense.

You guys keep blowing opportunity upon opportunity upon opportunity.

You're like children with bad things happening.

Instead of digging in and be tougher, you wilt.

Where is your fing toughness?

Where have you guys been raised that you're so weak mentally that you just fing give up when something doesn't go right for you?

Don't you know what adversity is all about?

That's the fing game of life.

Not the game of basketball.

You don't f ⁇ it down when things go wrong.

You dig in and get tougher.

Your whole life's going to be adversity.

Learn how to fing deal with it.

Let's fucking go, right?

God damn, that's scripted.

Dude, so leave that up.

They're down

13 at halftime.

Come back and win this game.

Good for them.

This halftime.

Yeah, and if you scroll down, it's just everybody's just ready to be like, I want to play.

Yeah, that's crazy.

Yeah.

That's fucking, I mean, like, I'm always shocked by coach, like as performers, you're like, how did you hit all of those notes perfect?

Like, they build the emotion.

then it's like how do they do that off the cuff is crazy yeah it's great think he likes it at EVs huh oh sit down

baseball steak with him

get you straightened out you guys are like children

you're just sitting there you're like where were you raised meanwhile he's screaming at dudes that are like six fourth and fully just like where were you raised pussy like

that's what you need all my coaches in high school and college were like that and I loved it It's great, right?

Oh, it was the best.

Yeah.

It was the best.

I love coaches that were, because there's this line.

you want them to be tough, but care about you.

Of course.

And like some coaches don't know that you have to have both.

But if they care about you, they can say anything they want to you.

I remember my football coach in high school saying he was, he was hard on us.

Me, like they were, he came in when I was a junior and then like my senior year, they

gotten their foot under them and stuff like that, and they really wanted to like build a program.

And so he was, they was hard on us to like, you know, get everybody ready as the program moved forward.

And I think I or another one of my buddies who he always like you know was just strong on was like you know why do you yell at us so much and he was like when i stop yelling that's when you should worry yeah yeah yeah it's true how he stuck with me sounds pretty emotionally abusive if you ask me i'm doing this for your own good like jesus right we liked that stuff back then it was crazy yeah when they yell at you when you know the guy gives a shit about you and he says that it fire it fires you you're like yeah i'm letting him down letting myself down it like radicalizes you're like like, let's fucking go.

Let's go, dude.

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I fucking love it.

By the way, oh, I had to bring this up.

Christina told me to tell you.

Shout out to the new queen of garbage.

She couldn't come in today, but she was like, I go, because I told her how much fun she was going to, I was like, you're going to have so much fun doing this.

And then I go, how'd it go?

She goes, I'm the new queen.

And I go, I go, what?

She goes, I'm the new queen of garbage.

And I was like, oh, I knew you were going to at least come close to the title.

How much of that did you know?

I know a lot.

Did you know that when you were like started there?

Did that come out after, like, as you you

well, I think you know, yeah, you know, little by little, right?

Like, like, she doesn't put all those cards on the table the first date.

There are some wild, like, you know, we go like in the valley.

I don't know how well you know LA, but we'd be like in the valley and, you know, she'd show me this neighborhood.

And, like, I grew up in these apartments.

And I was like, oh, these suck.

And then, you know, like, she said it was all like single moms.

That was pre-Indian stepdad, though.

Pre-Indian stepdad.

My Indian stepdad is the funniest sentence I've ever heard about.

My Indian aunt and my three Indian stepsisters.

That's what he was saying.

That's got to be a book.

That's the name of someone with the colour.

Turn on the cover like this.

My Indian stepdad.

And then he was out of his fucking mind, you know?

Yeah, he's a criminal.

He's a real criminal.

Yeah.

She said they were like shooting out windows and flattening tires and shit.

That ice cream, he loved his pistachio ice cream.

I know he's stories.

Yeah, she told us.

And then we pulled into a parking lot.

And he's like, oh, hold on a second.

And then fucking just stabbed the guy's tire.

And then the crazier part to me is like, that in and of itself, you're like, that's super psychotic.

Is that he gets in the car and that her mom was like

yeah like laughing in the highway yeah and they were like in it together like this fucking guy owes me money her dad too first of all the story of her parents getting out that's crazy that's going to an internment camp that's nuts where now because they were they were in an internment camp in italy and he's like resents italians so much um and i'm like well they you were refugees for having had a slice in 50 years oh he's like the italians are the cockroaches of europe that's like his

slogan.

He hates them.

And you're like, yeah, they took you in, though.

Yeah.

But he's like, fuck them.

But yeah, then to Canada.

And then, did she tell you the story about why they moved to the States?

Yeah.

It's like, it seems like it's out of a comedy because

he's working in Windsor.

Well, living in Windsor.

Forklifts.

Because Canada, well, no.

So Canada, he's a mechanic, right?

Right.

Canada

is more welcoming to immigrants and refugees.

So they settle in Windsor, Ontario, which is across the bridge basically from Detroit.

So he's going into Detroit to work, but they're residing in Canada.

He's like, one day I see a man in Detroit, a black guy, cool guy, with a nice coat and a feather in his hat.

And you're like, you mean a pimp?

Yeah.

And he's like,

he's like,

this is who I would need to be with, these guys.

And you're like, pimps.

Yeah.

And then they just get in the car and drive to California.

So, like, he's that's the inspiration.

He was inspired by the pimp and then went to California

and started pimping himself.

How much, I mean,

her life is crazy.

It's crazy.

It's like proper crazy.

What is your role in that side of the family?

Do you have, what, or what are your experiences with them?

Um, I mean, I don't know.

There's a few things like she had.

He passed, right?

Her septat passed.

Indian Septab passed.

Her mother passed as well.

Okay.

Okay.

So the first time I met her mother, what was funny to me was she was like, my mom's crazy.

And I was like, yeah, my mom's crazy.

Every mom's crazy.

Yeah, like we're crazy.

She was like, my mom's

crazy.

And I go, okay.

So we've been dating, I don't know, a few months or something at that point.

And she's like, okay,

we're going to go to this restaurant now.

And she's like, again, you know, just so you know, I go, just relax.

It's fine.

So

I got this.

We go to, we sit at this restaurant.

Her mother comes in.

She's got her hair's done.

Blonde lady, very nicely done, like a well-put-together lady, like nice sweater, pearls.

Yeah, she said she was beautiful.

Beautiful.

Yeah.

You know, has her makeup, nails.

Like, she looks very presentable.

You know, this is a nice, elegant woman in her probably, what, late 50s or something at the time.

And

I go, hi.

And she's like, hi.

And then she, Christina's here, I'm over here.

She goes, and she does this little, she had this like little point with her.

She goes, I went to Bloomingdale's and this fucking

tried to tell you.

And I was like, yo.

And I look at her and she goes, I told you.

I told you.

And I was like,

and then she just like goes off, goes off on the fucking

Bloomingdales.

Wild.

And

she, yeah, she had a wild mouth.

The dad did too.

I mean, I don't think I thought he was a saint.

Yeah, she told us her dad would take her to Club Med.

Club Med.

It's crazy.

It's crazy.

First time I met her dad,

I can 100% tell you when this happened because it must have been 2005.

Because I think that's the year that Michael Richards was on stage at the laugh

and dropped the N-bomb.

And we went to his house the weekend after.

He goes, what the fuck's the problem with saying that?

I go, what?

And he goes, why?

He's like, if somebody's an N-word, why can't I say it?

And I go, yeah, I go, right?

He goes, there's one across the street.

Look at his cheeks.

Look at his lawn.

And I go, what the fuck?

Those Houston Europeans play by their own fucking rules.

They don't give a shit about.

They're like words.

What do you mean?

It's like, so like, I was in an internment camp for fucking 40 words.

What?

This guy's in trouble.

I go, he's in big trouble.

His life is ruined.

He's like, I don't get it.

Anyway,

how long you date my dog?

It's like, oh man, this is how long you've been dating my dog.

This is nuts.

So yeah, they were pretty,

they were like intense

Eastern European, like hardcore ones.

And yeah, her mom, you know, her mom was complicated.

Like she would be sweet, but also had this like fly off the handle.

I remember one time she

had ended up in the hospital.

I think she had fainted.

at a lamp store or something like that and we went to the hospital the business smells like a slip and fall

and she goes I had a stroke.

I had a stroke.

We were like, oh, shit.

And then the doctor was like, he took us outside.

He was like, she didn't have a stroke.

And we were like, what?

He's like, she didn't have a stroke.

You know, she fell.

But her mother, who was going through a lot of things, was like the attention.

Livia.

Gotcha.

And then I made a fatal error, which is that I was bedside with her and I decided to try to lighten the mood with a a joke.

And it was a silly, it was like a simple, playful joke.

I was like,

Well, you know, when we get out of here, you know, would you like to go dancing or something?

Maybe we can go for, find a nice club to go dancing at tonight.

And she was like, fucking dancing.

I had stroke.

Nobody can dance.

And I was like, oh.

And I thought it would be like playfully dismissed.

Yeah.

Like, oh, Tommy.

Yeah, yeah.

Just like something to like, you know, just lighten the mood.

She got really, really mad about that.

That, like, who's going to fucking dance if they had a stroke?

And I'm like, well, I don't know, but you didn't.

One, you did have a stroke.

So,

yeah, that, but she got very mad about that.

Yeah,

yeah.

Yeah.

That was why it was a great episode, man.

Christina's awesome.

She's great.

It was the most requested, longest, a way to get.

I'm like, we don't do episodes outside of the studio.

Like, we've turned down a lot of people of like,

no, just we're not doing it.

But there's a, there's a special level at.

But I was like, we have to, you know, yeah.

Yeah, because you're like, I'm not coming to New York.

I'm like, I picked up on that over the past three years.

And she had all the shit that I know would.

She showed up from the emergency room.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Josh is

a push at 30 minutes.

She's like, she's at the emergency room right now.

Something, something.

She's bleeding.

And I'm like, he stabbed her.

I'm like, what's going on over there?

We can cancel this.

She told me, she goes, I cut myself.

I just cut myself, by the way, with the same fucking knife.

So maybe we should get rid of these.

Man, these cigars are a little fucking weird.

And

I filleted open my finger.

It was gnarly.

And I was trying to just wrap it myself, and I was bleeding through it.

I was like, I gotta go.

So, I went to urgent care, and they put steri strips and everything on.

I was just lazy trying to slice something through my finger.

She saw these, my kids are always grabbing scissors, screwdrivers.

Yeah, they sound like great kids.

From what I, I mean, I've never met them.

You, I mean, I love you and Christina.

These kids, I hope I never meet.

I hope

by the time they're adults, they're in the correct facility.

What's the deal, man?

You know, those like little electric

cars that like kids drive power wheels, yeah, the miniature ones that you probably want it on

you zip around.

So they have a couple older ones that like they don't really use anymore.

And I walk up the other day and they're just

like there's no steering wheel.

There's two tires on the top.

They took it to a chop.

The door is off the other one.

And I was like,

what the fuck happened?

So I grabbed them like, what happened?

They were like, oh,

we've been hitting them with hammers.

And I go, why?

And And they're like, they don't work.

So

we took them to the shop.

And I go, what's the shop?

And then they both pulled out hammers.

And they just fucking like, you can't blame me.

Good as new, pop.

Yeah.

And I was like, this is cool, guys.

Man.

Yeah.

Terrors.

Yeah.

That's funny.

That's,

yeah.

I mean, I've only, yeah, so like, I mean, we were just talking about it.

The story where like they ran through the construction site and like broke all the shit.

And, you know, you're just like, these kids, I mean, they.

little rascals they sound like criminals dude yeah they little rascals yeah they got a lot of spunk they do stab their mother you know their favorite thing to do with me they call it torture time so they go it's torture time and I go okay so that means you clear the bed and I jump I get on the bed and then they pummel me sure but like they get like really like they punch they they choke me they like and I'm supposed to like I get to pin them and then as soon as they go hey

then I have to let go.

Like, I was doing that, and I had one leg locked, like, I had one

dad's leg lock will fuck you up.

Oh, yeah, and I, and I'm, I stopped paying attention to him,

and I'm like this guy, and then I just, he's like, Oh,

he just starts crying.

I go, What?

He goes, Your ass is close to my face,

and I go, Okay, okay, sorry.

And then he calls for his mom, Dad, put me by his asshole.

And I'm like, I didn't put you by my asshole, man.

Yeah, meet the Seguras, Yikes.

Crazy, dude.

Yeah, that was the first time that that ever happened.

Somebody came in straight from the ER who should have went to the ER the night before.

Yeah, she found out.

She blew through, yeah.

Lovely through.

And then find out.

I know she was maybe doing it half-jokingly, but I also think maybe she didn't want to admit this.

She said she got bit by a snake.

So I don't think she wanted to admit that

her son stabbed her.

He had a knife, and she went to grab it, and then he didn't let go.

So then her hand went and sliced it.

Sliced it.

Sure.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, there's been snakes, too.

One time they caught a copperhead, which is crazy, and they put him in a cooler.

And then they put him.

On their own?

Well, with her cousin.

Her cousin's like three years older.

That's on their own.

Yeah.

And then they caught a copperhead.

A copperhead, which is very dangerous.

Put it in the cooler, put the cooler on the trampoline.

And then I go, what the fuck?

Why are you doing that?

And then

my nephew was like, I secured the premises.

That's what he said.

He goes, Everything's secure.

Did you know there was a snake in the cooler?

No, I go, What, what is that?

What, what is that?

Jesus, good thing.

Copperhead, and I'm like, dude, that could really

fuck up the day.

Yeah, that thing can fuck up, yeah.

It could fuck up the rest of what we suffer from yellow stuff.

I put my copperhead in the cooler.

Yeah, hate that, open this.

Yeah, they're they're fun.

Yeah, it sounds uh, it sounds wild.

Yeah,

they are the best, though.

I I gotta say,

they are

all the stories I tell are like people who don't have multiple boys go like, huh?

And then every kid who, everybody who has boys is like, yeah,

yeah, I mean, it was the same thing with me and my brother.

Like, we were law, it was lawless.

Yeah,

my mom was a single mom.

My dad was, you know, it was split custody.

So it was like, I mean, at one point, they were like, we weren't allowed home alone together.

I had to stay after school because we would just fist fight.

Like, it would just be like, it would be hell in the cell until my mom got home.

How kids like adjust your

emotions.

So, yesterday, I hear this banging.

And I'm like, what is this?

And I get out and they had taken, you know, like stretch, like workout bands?

Yeah.

They had taken a band and they put it around a different type of toy car and they're pulling it, but it's hitting the walls.

So I go, hey, guys, look at the wall.

Like, it's all banged up.

And I go, take that shit off and, you know, don't do it again.

And I go, now I have to have this touched up.

Like, you, you fucked up the wall.

I have to pay for that.

And then my oldest, he goes, I could do it.

And I go, get the hammer.

I go, no.

I go, you don't, I don't want you to do it.

I want it to look good.

So I would have a professional do it.

He goes, it's just a little paint.

I go, again.

It's also like you're getting in a fight with him.

I go, it's not happening.

You're not doing it.

Listen, you don't have the steady hand to do that, okay?

You're definitely not doing it.

Give me an estimate.

You're going to cost me money by doing this nonsense.

and then i'm you know i'm fired up and i go yeah just don't do shit like that he goes or maybe don't get so upset about a little bit of paint hey maybe stop being a pussy and i'm like

and i because he's right he's not wrong you're like all that stuff you have going on you're you're worried about paint and i'm like yeah of course what are they three years apart yeah two and two and a half yeah me and my dude it was the same thing we were nightmares one year we uh we had just moved from uh upstate Pennsylvania down to outside of Philly.

And the

down by Philly, everything was way more expensive.

So we were like, my parents were kind of struggling a little bit.

We were living in a townhouse.

They were trying to give us a good life.

They were working their asses off and all this stuff.

And my mom, every year, she would wrap all the Christmas presents and put them, hide some stuff, but put a majority of them in one of the rooms downstairs, like where she wrapped them up.

But there'd be no labels on them.

You know what I mean?

So like, oh, these are for your cousins and all that kind of stuff.

My mom's working like a triple shift somewhere.

My dad's away.

Me and my brother are home by ourselves.

Maybe we're like 12.

I'm 12, he's 14.

And my brother walks in.

I'm sitting there watching TV.

He comes in.

He's got a brand new sneaker in his hand.

And I'm like, Where the fuck did you get that?

And he's like, Come here.

Brings us, brings me into the room.

He got a razor blade and slit open the presents and we slid them out.

So once we realized we could do that, we looked at at every single one.

I got this.

I got Sega.

I got this.

Unbelievable.

We piece it back together.

Perfect crime.

Don't do it right.

We put it back.

Next day, go to school, come home.

Usually my mom's there.

My dad doesn't get home until whenever.

He's sitting at the kitchen table.

He's like, Your mom's over at your aunt's.

She's hysterically crying.

Bust it.

Ruin Christmas.

It was like one of those times, like no yelling.

Yeah, just quiet, like bad,

bad.

We did the same thing, but we me, we were starting when starter jackets hit early 90s.

Hot.

My brother, same thing.

Four years older than me.

And he was a, my brother's a fucking

loose cat.

He was like, especially as a kid, he was a fucking lunatic.

Yeah.

So he's the same thing.

He's like, come upstairs, go back all the way into the deep behind the closet, behind the clothes, starter jackets.

And my mom's in the kitchen, and we walk.

He's like, let's go downstairs with them on.

And I'm like,

I remember being like, this ain't a good, I was like six.

I'm like, I don't know.

He's like, look at this.

Look what I found, mom.

She's like, you fucking pee.

Like, just broke down.

First time I ever heard her say fuck, she said, you ruined fucking Christmas.

And I was like, all right, let's go to dad's for a couple of days.

Wow.

That's what boys do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's tough.

I mean, like, I look back at like what we did

to my mind.

And also, because they were divorced, I was like,

he would just be a dick to my mind.

Like, no, you just, you you know, you're like a boy.

You're like, I'll do whatever the fuck.

There's no father figure in the house.

Yeah, one of my kids gave a C note to a kid in school the other day.

What?

Yeah.

He's got that kind of cash.

I fucking, I was like, what the fuck, man?

I go, what?

He goes, hey, don't get upset.

No one's upset.

And I go, okay, what for?

He's like, he's a good kid.

Good kid.

Smart kid.

Use it.

Straighten him out.

I go, what are you talking about?

He's a really good kid.

I just want to do something nice for him.

I was like, I go, you don't have to do that for people.

You don't have to give them cash.

What the fuck?

Where'd he get the 100 from?

I don't fucking know.

He stole it from me.

Jesus.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Man.

Yeah.

I was like, okay, I go, can we just, I go, I'm not mad at you.

Can we just make sure that we are not in the practice of giving cash?

Who dimes him out for something like that?

Dude.

School calls?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

They probably got them on fucking speed dial, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

They were walking around like Henry Hill to give it.

What, the kid ran him out and say, hey, he gave me $100?

I think a teacher saw it.

Teacher saw it and was like, is that a $100 bill?

And they were like, yeah.

Hey, do you think, you dumb broad, I got 20s?

Hey, it's 100.

Here's a little something for yourself.

Keep the chocolate milk cold.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was very.

Don't wear that perfume tomorrow either.

I can't concentrate, huh?

Yeah.

Trying to spell over here.

Giraffe?

I don't fucking know.

So, yeah, he, I don't know, man.

Those kids are, yeah, they're wild.

That's funny.

That's all.

Wait, let's talk about money.

Okay.

So, what's going on?

I have some.

What's going on?

Give your son in.

You're the kid in here.

Is your spending out of control?

I mean,

we're not buying tigers or anything like that.

You know?

Things happen quickly.

Okay, so you're an impulse buyer?

Is that what the thing is?

Am I an I'm just an idiot, man.

He's been smart.

He's been good.

It took me like two years to.

Last time I saw you, or at least we were podcasting, you were like, you were debating about a car.

Do you remember this?

Yeah.

You were like, I want to get this car.

I don't know about that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But what did you end up getting?

I got.

He bought two.

What?

He bought two.

Oh, yeah.

I bought two.

Well, that car, so I had a Kia.

That got stolen by the Kia boys.

Shout out to the Kia boys.

Shout out, Kia Boys.

That got stolen.

So I bought a used Mercedes from Carvana that I'm pretty sure was in a flood.

Okay.

A little swampy.

A little musty.

Okay.

But the way I look at it is like, I've never had a nice car.

I've always, I've always had you.

The first new car I ever had was a Kia.

Before that, I had like a Mercury Montego.

And before that, I had a Chevy Lumina.

I actually had three Chevy Luminas.

I kept crashing them.

And then, but they were like

$500 luminas.

They were like $800 at the time.

Okay.

So I would crash them and then, or they'd break or whatever.

whatever and then my mom be like i can give you 400 bucks to a new lumina and i just had to come up with another 400 so we just kept replacing luminas with luminas and uh

so then i bought a lumina i thought you know yeah because i you know people buy nice cars and i don't i'm not like a car guy by any means and i just smoke sigs in there too yeah you gotta it's a fucking it's a car it's a 95 shed lumina dude you know put a whole 50 cent and reliability

you had a new one no i bought a 95 oh you bought a nine it cost me eight grand to buy a 1995 shot.

How's it running?

It wouldn't get out of reverse last time.

Yeah, that's it.

I got like a powder blue one of those.

It wouldn't get out of reverse?

Nah, so it's not inspecting.

Who's running away, huh?

Moving forward, baby.

Okay.

So, yeah, so that cost me.

That was like a big thing for my childhood, though.

Like, I just was like, that will be cool.

I just want to zip around with my boys.

Do you do any type of saving?

I do.

The one thing I was able to do, well, I bought a house.

Oh.

I bought a a house in the suburbs, a little fixer-upper.

Okay.

That'll be like the plan to get out of the city at some point because the city is fucking

going to shit, dude.

It's crazy.

Why?

Currently, in my neighborhood, actively for like three weeks, four weeks now, there's a guy just running around taunting women is the word.

Taunting.

Just like, you bitch, I'll fucking kill you.

And then like scaring away.

And the cops are like, we can't do anything.

Yeah.

You're allowed to say that.

You're allowed to say, like, you know what I mean?

Like, you're allowed to tell a baby you're going to kill it.

And that's what he's doing.

Cool.

So they can't arrest him.

So he's just wandering around doing that.

So like the plan would be in a couple of years, you know, start spending more time in the burbs.

I like it.

So I've been able to, and it's just, it's funny.

I ain't going anywhere.

It's funny because it's a long time.

Yeah, he's jammed up.

It's their sponsor, but

Acorns.

Shout out to him.

I downloaded that.

I'm just as bad as money with him.

Okay.

The way I look at it is like I've been, I've spent every dollar I've ever made.

Yeah.

Up until like two years ago.

I was going to say, not now, right?

Now you're going to spend every dollar.

Well, two years ago, I had a clean up.

It was taxes.

We were just...

Because I was still running the books at the time, which

got above.

I'm pretty good, but it got above my pay grade.

And it was coming in.

And I'm just going, here, take half.

I'll take half.

We'll figure this out next year.

I've never learned anything like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I vaguely remember having an accounting class in high school, but I know I didn't pass it.

I have it.

But now that you know, now that you've been doing this for a podcast, it's obviously grown, it's become successful,

you're selling tickets on the road.

Are you when you get money now, do you put some aside for like taxes and or?

Well, we got a business manager.

Yeah,

we took that out of our control.

So he doesn't.

He's doing that.

That's new.

So that's this year.

This year is the first year I don't have to kind of wipe out my savings to pay taxes.

Good.

So that's pretty cool.

And then he should be also, is he talking to you about a pension?

We're not there yet.

No, like the, like, you don't have to start with a lot, but like just contributing.

Because you know what we were saying?

No, he's 49.

Yeah, he's going to have to have to tap into it like six years.

Yeah.

I got the acorns.

Well, when I'm 88, I'll have a couple of million.

He looks at that because they give you, if you keep the, if you keep contributing this, it'll be whatever.

Look, there's no, you're never too late to contribute to something that that you can tap into after your retirement age.

That's what I'm saying.

You're not going to want to hustle the same level when you're an older guy, right?

So I am an older guy.

He is an older guy.

He's older than you.

Am I?

I guess.

I'm 49.

Well, then, yeah.

What are you?

I'm 45.

He's doing pretty good.

I used to have a lot more gray.

This guy's all right, huh?

Yeah, I mean,

you know, just, yeah, we'll be all right.

Yeah.

I think.

You will be.

I have to.

Just babe.

I'm just speaking.

all I'm saying is this.

Like, I'm in panic mode now.

No, I learned this too.

I learned this too.

I learned this too, which is like, I've had different business managers and stuff.

Nobody.

Do you trust them?

I trust my guy, I think, but blindly.

Yeah.

I just know he uses other guy.

Like, it's my friend's guy.

Like, he's our peers' guy.

And I'm like, no, if you have a good guy.

Listen, he's not going to be stealing 10 grand from me.

He's going to be stealing that guy's $10 million.

This is what you learn.

What you learn is that you can hire the absolute best, best, best of the best, and nobody will ever look after your money with more concern than you, right?

So you gotta get it back.

I gotta get out of here.

I don't know if that's true.

All you have to do, what I'm saying is, yes,

you should trust somebody.

If this is a trustworthy person, trust them, right?

But ask for a monthly report.

Look at that.

I got access to the, but I'm so nuts.

I got access to, so we moved banks to like, you know, they move it to like, they don't use TD bank right they go to fucking

they go to rich guy banks that don't have storefronts which is shady to begin with okay i used to work for very wealthy rich families and they were always like sterling bank or fucking you know all these things you're like where you can well yeah give me an atm card cocksucker let me go get my cash but they don't do that but ask here's what i'm saying ask for like a monthly well i have access to the i have a login to the account okay but then also i think i'm so nuts i think they might make that up just no no they're not making it up They're not making it up.

I'm crazy, though.

In my head, I'm like, if I was robbing you, I would go make a fake fucking landing page that says he has this much money and make a list of transactions.

Well, look, it might be a Ponzi scheme.

And in which case,

you know, best of luck.

But

in the idea that it's not, which I hope it's not, and this is somebody who's taking care of you, just all I'm saying is ask for things and ask questions.

And you are only going to get where you want to be if you tell this person what your goals are.

Because what will happen is if you go, I'm just giving an example.

If you're like, my goal is like, I want to buy a house in this neighborhood.

And you don't mention it, things are happening.

And then when all of a sudden you want to do it, they're like, well, we didn't know that.

Like, they can help you structure.

I don't know what that is, though.

I don't know what my goals are.

I'm trying to have a little cash on me.

Okay.

Walking around my body.

Do you have any debt?

I ask you personal questions.

Well, I'm saying that could be a goal.

I got a credit card bill

I pay it, though.

Okay, I'm saying, I'm giving you examples.

Do you have any non-revolving debt?

Do you have any longer-term debt?

What's non-revolving?

Like, that's not due at the end of every month.

See, I know that revolving debt.

Why wouldn't it be due at the end of the month?

Like, a car loan isn't revolving debt.

I got a lease.

Okay, that's fine.

I got my rent.

Do you want to not have to work one day?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, that'd be one of your goals then.

Tell them that.

Tell them that.

I could do that now.

Let's go back to being a ball.

I'd be jammed up.

Do you have a house?

No.

Then maybe you want to get one one day.

Yeah.

I'm just saying to tell them, tell them what you have on your mind.

Don't assume that they'll know what it is your goal is.

That's all I'm saying.

Sure.

No, I agree.

I agree.

I actually just did that.

I was like, hey, man,

what would it look like if I got it?

Like, when can I buy an apartment?

Yeah.

Right?

Just because rent New York.

So crazy.

Just running the scenarios because he's like, these are the stuff you need to think about.

So I go, what would that look like?

And he's sent it back.

He's like, send me one you like.

What's that?

A very modest,

like one or two bedroom, you know, really like a one and a half bedroom.

And what did it look like?

Well, he's like, well, scenario one, you put this one down, and this is what you're left with.

Like,

like, this is what you're left with.

Yeah.

And this is what you're left with.

And this is what you're left with.

And then they, all three of them were in the red.

Yeah.

Like, he'd be like, you'd be left with negative $25,000.

Okay.

And I didn't invest.

Well, I don't know.

Yeah, but here's the thing.

He doesn't think, but like, I have money in, like, an eight, like a retirement account.

I'm like, well, let's cash that out and buy a house.

No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, that's the rich guys don't think like that.

What do you mean?

No, no, don't do that.

No, hold it.

No, you shake it up.

I shake it up.

I didn't involve him in the planning of my wedding, which looking back,

that would have been a good time.

Yeah,

he was hitting them up for payments early.

What did this wedding look like?

Beautiful, Tommy.

Really?

It means Hawaii.

It's Hawaii.

Beautiful place.

Beautiful.

Did you get married on the beach?

Yeah.

Place called Lanikoanua in

Oahu over in Koalina.

Beautiful place.

Koalina is gorgeous.

I got to give it to him.

The fans, I thought it was going to be a cluster fuck.

Yeah.

He's never planned anything really for

the tours, the show.

Like, you know, he's.

Which I didn't really plan any of it.

Sure, but I'm just like, this guy can't book flights.

Like,

how is this all going to go off without a hitch?

You know?

And I mean, dude, they got there.

Say the ceremony was whatever, four to 420, right?

If then at the end, you go and get a drink, uh, a little 10 minutes a cocktail hour, former lieutenant governor did the wedding, a nice quartet, sun starts going down, greeting drinks.

You see the sunset perfectly hit the horizon.

15 minutes.

Everybody had to pay for that.

That wasn't cheap.

Yeah, yeah, no, none of it is.

Weddings are you know how much does it cost to get a sunset?

Wait, how many guests?

150.

Shit.

Yeah.

I told you you briefly, I walked in, I went, who the fuck is paying for this?

This is crazy.

Yeah.

It was.

You aren't that kid.

I know.

That's a good thing.

He actually had me working till I'm fucking 70.

He keeps going, we need a big year.

We need a big year.

Four years ago.

Yeah, I just didn't understand it.

I mean, I'm an idiot.

You know what I mean?

This is the first thing that's worked out for us.

We can't be more grateful.

No, of course.

And yeah, you know what I mean?

It's like it was kind of there.

I was like, all right, yeah.

You know, then it just kind of adds up.

And then, you know, man, what was really getting close?

I was like, fuck, am I going to be able to physically pay for this?

So, what happens?

He was when we get like a monthly check, like take a deposit.

You know, we'll, we'll take the rent and pay all the other stuff.

Dude, it was like November.

He's like, can I get December and January as well?

Something in good faith.

Yeah, yeah.

If that didn't happen, I would have

been, yeah, I would have been bad.

Really?

Yeah.

And I came back in January, like, ew, straighten me out.

Because here was the thing.

And it was.

But he was working with it.

He's like, what do you need?

We can, like the business manager is like, we can figure this out.

You know what I mean?

I'm not going to let you be bouncing checks in fucking Honolulu.

The main panic was, and I didn't realize this as we were getting closer to the finish line, is that, you know, we got a room block.

for everybody that was coming over.

Okay.

Which everybody, I mean, got banged out.

I got my whole whole family flying to Hawaii at Christmas.

These guys came in for like three days.

I came in for like

55 hours.

Everybody's a little tense, but wedding was beautiful.

Everybody had a great time.

But I never did a room block before.

I just assumed that if you get a room block, you're getting like a special, you know, you get a little discount because you got people coming in.

It turns out that whatever I tell them, like if I say, hey, I want 75 nights, you know, broken up, you know, broken up, like, you know, 10 nights, 10 nights, 10 nights, you know, whatever.

I'm responsible for that.

Dude, he will.

75 nights

at a beachfront hotel at Christmas in Hawaii.

Oh, why?

Oh, my God.

Dude, I signed the contract and then I was like talking to the lady and I'm like, so wait, what does this, what does this mean?

She's like, well, you know, if for some reason that you only hit like, you know, say 50 nights, you're going to be financially responsible for those other 25 nights.

Holy shit.

So around,

I would say, August of this year, I was basically working for this hotel, pitching to my family.

People started dropping like flies, too.

They did?

Yeah, oh, we're going to stay over here.

Oh, my friends got it.

Your friends got a place, got the pool.

What are you talking about?

So how many did you have to end up covering?

None.

It all worked out.

Yeah, it all worked out.

Oh, it would have.

No, that's stressful.

That is stressful just thinking about it.

I just would have swam out out in the ocean and just kept going.

I would have been done.

If they were like, good news, you only have to pay for 19 nights

for people that didn't come.

Let me put you this way.

When we got back from the wedding, I was on the bed fucking ripping open envelopes.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

That's yeah.

But it was nice.

We had a good time, didn't we, Kippie?

We had a good time.

We had a good time.

Beautiful.

Let me ask you this, because

for everybody watching right now, you're either going to know that tomorrow or if you're seeing this after, that there's a special out on YouTube.

It's on the Are You Garbage YouTube page?

Yeah.

It's the Route 66 tour special.

So it encompasses like a bunch of stuff you guys did on the road.

You documented like a whole tour.

What happens now?

It comes out.

Are you guys going back on the road?

What's

yeah, we're resuming our regular tour.

We go back out in early March to do a run.

We're going to do a run in April.

We're going to take a little time off in the summer from the road.

And then we got an AC show.

And then we'll start back up touring in the fall.

Take back up in the fall.

But yeah, back, you know.

This was different.

This was our big thing.

Again, also

financially irresponsible.

We sunk everything we had into this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, yeah.

Also, another thing, we're what are we doing here?

Dude, so our new, the one thing we want to do as a, you know, is we want to buy, we're like, let's buy a conversion van.

Do you have an Acorns account?

So.

You want to buy what?

A conversion van.

Because that's a trashy thing.

So we're like, all right.

So you start looking.

Those things ain't, Gianno, like the new, they're like 80 grand.

Yeah.

Nice, though.

So I run that by the business manager.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

And he's like,

absolutely not.

He's like, you got to insure this thing?

You got to put it in a garage in New York.

I'm like, yeah, but like, we'll just pay a guy to drive us to whole drive to Pittsburgh.

Yeah.

We'll land in Pittsburgh because we do all like strings of one-nighters.

Yes.

You know what I mean?

Like clubs are on the weekend, theaters on the weekend.

So it's like, we're out for a week.

You're paying sprint i'm like this guy i'll just my i'll just get my buddy ryan to just drive us around the midwest and he's like saving that ubers and he's like dude there's no way this will ever financially make sense he's like you're going out on the road 30 cities next year right

yeah sure he's like that means it's you you use it one month out of 12 months.

It's got captain's chair.

He's like, yeah, which is nice, right?

Swivels.

It's got a TV in it.

Yeah.

I want to be able to sit in the captain's chair in the back right and turn around and talk to the boys.

I

conduct business.

I'm a fan of it.

You know, yeah, we're doing it against his better judgment.

So you are doing it.

Yeah, we're going to buy it this week.

So he's like, well, at least he'll be with us in Pontiac, Michigan on March 8th.

Yeah, exactly.

So he's like, is that the first game?

Yeah.

Dude, we literally have our idiot friend.

He's like, he's like, this sounds like the best.

I'll leave two days early and I'll meet you and I'll pick up the business.

How much was the van?

It's well, we haven't got it yet, but they're about 80.

It's going to be a car payment.

A car payment a month.

You're going to put something down?

I don't don't know.

So that's what I was talking to the business manager.

Not that.

No, it's a GMC Sierra.

What a nerd.

Sipping around in that.

Savannah, right there.

Yeah.

Oh, whoa.

That's clean living right there.

Pulling up at one of them.

Yeah.

B.A.

Barrackus.

Yeah.

That is kind of a garbage vehicle.

Right?

It's like fun.

It's like.

Ours doesn't have that tent on the top, does it?

Oh, that's where you're staying.

No.

Yeah.

And it's all like sweet on the inside.

It's like all like leather and it got captain's chairs TV speaker the whole nine radio AC

Yeah rack and pinion steering but don't like I like that you point out it's got AC

Those those are hard to find these days.

I got two words for you power windows.

All right,

but the one thing is you know you travel a lot.

You're in different car.

You're just in

and I go if that's just our car for this for the Midwest to the East Coast and that's just what we're in all the time.

That's not it's like a home away from home.

One thing that is crazy, like somebody pointed this out to me, I forget who it was.

Um,

I was on the road one time, and uh, another comic was staying at the same hotel.

This is like 10 years ago,

and we were playing different places, and I go, Are they coming to pick you up?

And he was like, Oh, no, no, no.

He's like, No one ever picks me up.

And I thought he meant like disrespectfully.

I was like, What?

He goes, Oh, I refuse.

Yeah.

Like, what do you mean you refuse?

He's like, These motherfuckers don't know how to drive.

They're nuts.

I rent a car in every city I go to.

And I was like, you're out of your fucking mind, right?

10 years later, every other time I get picked up in a city, it is some fucking Yahoo who is like talking to me.

They don't care.

I'm like, you're a professional driver.

Like brake checking, like just driving like an asshole.

And half the time, like, I'll ask when we get, I'm like, if the drive isn't far, I'll be like, hey, can I rent the car?

I'll just drive myself.

I'd rather be behind the wheel.

We'll do like, we'll get like a sprinter or something.

We're like, oh, we're going like three hours between cities.

It's like, just get a sprinter.

And those guys, you go, hey, can you slow down?

That's another thing.

Like, it's so dang.

Like, they're like, we're all looking.

Then we're going, can you tell them?

You say it.

And it's like, we're like afraid to be like, buddy.

I know.

And then they go, no, no, no, that's

that guy's fault.

It's like, I'm doing a speed limit.

I'm like, you're doing 90.

Yeah, no.

We had a dude stop for gas not that long ago.

We had a show in Red Bank.

We drove from the city.

The guy's like, I got to get gas.

He got a gas.

He disappeared for like 20 minutes.

After 15 minutes of being in the the car, he's like, I got to stop and get gas.

I'm like, what the hell's going on here?

Yeah, there's a lot of fucking.

All right.

And so my thing is like, hey, we got a driver that we know and can trust and can communicate with.

Yes.

We know what kind of car we're in.

Your friend will do this?

Yeah, he's not.

He's chomping at the base.

He goes, he's like, that sounds like the coolest thing in the world.

Yeah, conversion van.

We're all, you know, to me, it's the boys.

The boys are fucking, you know, how many people will travel in the van.

It's getting more.

It's getting more.

30 of us.

It's getting more and more, dude.

Yeah, so we go, it'll be six of us.

Okay.

Yeah.

It'll be six of us.

Two producer.

It'll be me, him, a producer.

Well, your business manager will be a lot happier with this purchase if you use it for a lot more transportation.

Sure.

You know what I mean?

Well, that's the thing.

It's like you also landed six guys.

You're like, we got to rent a car for a week or whatever.

It's just, you know, I'm trying to sell it.

It doesn't make sense financially, but it's fun.

And it's fun.

We kind of made a oath of like,

let's just spend money on being stupid and fun.

That's what the whole show is is about.

That is what I mean.

The bozos and the homies.

We'd be stupid to have a 401k.

Let's get a fucking GMC Sienna.

There you go.

I wouldn't even know how to go about that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you don't know, just don't do it.

Yeah, don't ask the guy.

Don't ask the guy.

Plus, I don't know.

The retirement thing, it's like you can't take it out till a certain age.

Yeah, what?

I know.

I mean, clock's ticking.

You know what I mean?

On all of us.

I need access to that cage now.

Yeah.

Fuck retirement.

I got a Florida in Hawaii looking for me.

I would love to see the bills.

Man, it's

we were getting on.

I thought I had it all mapped out.

We flew from New York to, I think, was it Minneapolis and then got on a, got a, got on a, we had a layover in Minneapolis, got on a plane.

We're flying in.

I got it all mapped out.

Everything's been taken out.

All the final payments are done.

Yeah.

We're literally about to take off.

You know, and I'm going to lose my internet.

I look at my American Express bill and I go white

Something was just a like an invoice when I thought I paid it, but I didn't and I'm like man This is gonna fuck everything up and then we get I'm like wait wait, I thought this was taking out whatever we get into a huge fight on our way there and then I lose it good time.

I'm trying to text I'm trying to text the, you know, the vendor like, well, did what did you double charge me, whatever?

And I lose it, man.

Talk about a long flight.

It's a a long flight.

Woo!

I remember the

before, like, this is 2007.

Uh,

I had miles and I had, like, I don't know, points or something.

And I figured out the, and I, I went to Hawaii with Christina.

Uh-huh.

And she was like, this place is fucking.

I was like, yeah, it's no problem.

No big deal.

And I had calculated that this trip with whatever I was doing was going to cost me three, $3,000.

And then when I checked out, you know, you forget things that like breakfast.

Sure.

$29 a clip per person.

More.

I like a big breakfast, too.

Yeah, it's like it was, and then I'm checking out, and they're like, here's your bill.

And it was like $7,500.

I was like,

and I didn't say anything.

I just was like,

and I left.

And then, I don't know, six months later, I was still being like, fuck.

And, and I believe that, yeah, that bill went to collections.

Sure.

yeah, yeah, man, and then they called me.

I still got some stuff in collections, and I paid it.

I paid it, and the guy I was like, I paid that off.

He's like, Oh, the guy on the phone, he goes, Oh, you a big baller?

Little pussy bitch.

He's like, You big baller, you paid that off.

I was like, What?

I was like, Just taunting you, yeah, he was taunting me.

That's great, dude.

Yeah, I was like,

Yeah, my activities leading up to this, as far as like exploring different avenues of

maybe loans or whatever, has now led to my phone gets blown up.

I am on some list of, I am on the huge sucker list somewhere.

I have these random,

hey, you're almost approved for this.

You want to dude, I mean, I get like five a day and I'm answering them because I'm like, take me off your fucking list.

I didn't fucking apply for this.

Well, we try to explain to them that that's a positive to them.

They go, he answered.

You were one in 5,000 that answered.

So they're going to go, this fucking fat idiot's going going to give up at some point.

He's going to be behind the eight ball and go, you can get me 10 grand today.

All right, I'll do that.

This guy likes to swipe.

That's what they know.

They're like, this guy swipes this card.

Give me 30% APR and I'll consider it.

If not, I'm losing money.

Yeah, that's fucking amazing.

All right.

Well, thank you guys for coming.

Thank you, buddy.

We love you.

We love you guys.

Are you garbage?

Root66 tour special comes out February 25th.

It's on their YouTube channel.

Make sure you check it out.

Make sure you listen and follow Are You Garbage?

And we'll see you guys soon.

Thank you.

Thank you, buddy.

Appreciate it.

Tom, Tom, and Bert.

One goes topless while the other wears a shirt.

Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.

Here's what we call two bears, one cave.

Martha listens to her favorite band all the time: in the car, car,

gym,

even sleeping.

So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live.

She saved so much, she got a seat close enough to actually see and hear them.

Sort of.

You were made to scream from the front row.

We were made to quietly save you more.

Expedia, made to travel.

Savings vary and, subject to availability, flight inclusive packages are at all protected.