Tom and Bert's Favorite OF Submissions | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

it close.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Okay.

Tom, this is incredible.

100%.

Yep.

Welcome to another episode of Two Bears, One Cave.

Oh shit, I hit pause.

Fuck.

God, Tom, this is insane.

This isn't this is the greatest thing I've ever

watching adult footage in virtual reality.

So what's going on?

What are you seeing?

Okay, there is a Russian chick in a red dress.

Okay.

And she's sucking my dick.

And Tom, I have abs.

I have limited pubes.

I have skinny legs.

My jeans are to the left.

I'm in a nice, bespoked kitchen.

I got it.

Oh, oh, now I'm fucking her.

Now I'm fucking her.

Oh, hold on.

You don't have to thrust.

You can just watch.

No, it's kind of cool.

I'm on the same timing he is.

I wish you could touch her.

You could try.

Nope.

I'm going right through her face.

Okay.

Holy shit, Tom, this is next level.

Pretty cool stuff.

You should bring this to Riyadh with you.

Something tells me that might not go well.

You don't think so?

I don't think so.

This is insane.

This is crazy.

This is the future.

Why would you ever date a chick?

Why would you ever go out to a bar?

Why would you ever do anything when you can just bang tens for real i gotta try jerking off with it well not for real it's virtual it would it feels real it feels real it feels real you probably get looped into it

let me shut up she's still talking yeah

let me see let me see what she's doing now hang on i'm gonna have her doggy style

okay hey just shut up woman

I just heard something.

Yeah.

All right.

She's, I'm going to put her to sleep.

Okay.

Dude, I'm ready for a fucking robot chick.

Yeah, they're available, man.

You can afford it.

You should do it.

Dude, you can design them.

They're $3,000.

Should we make one?

Should we make one and fucking bring it?

Let's make it.

Oh, okay.

Would it be creepy if we made them and we made them look like people we know?

Yeah, that'd be super creepy.

And you're like, Sarah, Tiana, come over to my house.

I want you to meet my robot chick.

And she's like, wow.

And go, look, it's got a southern accent and everything.

That's really cool.

That's really cool.

But wait, why is she pregnant i was like i don't know i liked her better when she was pregnant

this is a really good idea for you yeah yeah that is shout out to sarah t

that is the coolest thing i've ever seen thrilled

check out sarah t on his new special yeah there you go there's a good way to spin it

So is that, was that your first time watching it?

I've held off all week.

I've seen porn.

I've seen porn in it, but it's just like you're watching a porn.

That interactive one is crazy.

That's pretty crazy.

I would like that for, I've always said this for a long time, but I'd like that for a podcast where you could put on the VR goggles and sit here and you feel like you're just sitting with us talking to us.

That'd be fun.

That would be really fun.

That'd be very cool.

Yeah.

That'd be good, man.

How are you feeling?

I feel great.

What did you think about Jimmy Kimmel's monologue when he came back?

I haven't talked to you since.

Yeah, I mean, I think

he did exactly what he set out to do.

You know, he addressed things.

He was emotional and he was, it was, there was jokes and there was points made.

I mean, I think like monologue-wise, that was probably a 10 out of 10 for what he was aiming to do, for sure.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't know, you know, what there's other ways you could have done it, but I think he did everything that he wanted to do.

He addressed the obvious.

Like I said, there was like some heartfelt stuff in it.

There was jokes in it.

It was kind of exactly what you were looking for.

Yeah.

You did massive, massive numbers that episode.

I kind of think maybe Donald Trump had money invested in ABC.

He's a smart guy.

What if he was like, yo, move my money over to Disney?

I'm going to light up their fucking numbers.

No, I don't think so.

I mean, could you do that, though?

Is that manipulating the market?

Well, there's a lot of things that can manipulate a market, but in this case, I'm not sure what you mean.

You think he was just like, I'm buying a bunch of Disney shares, and then I'm going to try to fuel this fire.

So, okay.

Just an, just a, just a thought spark.

Half the country loves whatever Donald Trump says.

Half the country, I'd say not, I'd say less than half, but there's a solid quarter of the country that absolutely hates everything he says.

And then I say there's a quarter that's kind of like, you know, more centrist.

They go back and forth.

But we know half the country fucking loves it.

Yeah.

So Donald Trump knows, has that information.

Right.

So if he says tomorrow, if he goes, fuck, fuck Nestle.

Nestle is a bunch of fascists.

They, they're a communist organization.

Their politics is bullshit.

And I say we boycott Nestle.

He knows that his words will affect half the country, but he knows it'll spark like a solid number that's going to start supporting Nestle no matter what.

Right.

Right.

So when you have that kind of power, you can, in, in essence, manipulate the market, or at least

have friends that can benefit off you.

I mean, the same way he goes, we're going to war, let's give contracts to these companies.

You could be, it's like almost you just got to get close to Donald Trump and listen to what he's thinking or plant seeds in his head.

Yeah, all that, I think you have a point.

Like you, he can, he can manipulate.

I mean, it'd be interesting to think like, but the long-term fallout of this Tylenol thing is, that's kind of like.

Okay, that's a perfect example.

Is he says Tylenol causes autism.

And you're like, and you're like, yo.

I mean,

and by the way, immediately, the World Health Organization, American Medical Association,

everyone's like, there are no studies to support this whatsoever.

He's like, I got a gut feeling.

And it's, it's fucking crazy.

The thing that's like interesting is, you know, you do something like that.

And if you have influence, influence, you're definitely open to like major legal action, right?

Because

you can affect people, like consumers buying habits and you can affect share prices.

You know,

this is a still evolving story, but like, you know, like there's legit, I mean, I feel like if it were anybody other than a sitting U.S.

president, you would have seen like aggressive tactics immediately from them.

Instead, they were like, What?

What are you talking about?

And so, but that doesn't mean that that's over.

You know, that could evolve over time into like something serious legally, you know, because

of the influence.

You know, I never fucked with a C to Menophan.

Oh, nice.

I never fucked with it.

I never fucked up.

I can tell you look like a real fucking put-together guy.

Yeah.

I don't fuck with it.

I don't fuck with it.

When I go like, hey, what is what's Bert staying away from?

I fucking take it seriously.

Cetaminophen.

Yeah.

I asked my mom if she ever took acetaminophen.

And she said, when they were pregnant, they weren't allowed to take anything.

I believe that.

She goes, when we were pregnant, we weren't allowed to have coffee.

We weren't allowed to have anything.

It was clean,

water, no sodas, no nothing.

And that was the old school thing.

And then it's kind of laxed up.

I think Europe is to blame because Europe was like, like, Europe was like, you can drink wine.

And then as soon as you drink wine, you're like, well, I can definitely have to Minophan.

I mean, I can have a couple smokes.

What's the fact that they can't?

Yeah,

sometimes I'll see not all the time, but every once in a while, I'll see a pregnant woman smoking, and I always give her a nod and a wink, you know, because I'm like, do it,

do it.

I saw, I saw,

I wanted to write this as a joke, but I didn't because it just seems creepy, but I don't mind telling you it.

So, the last

I was the last time I was in New York, I took the subway

and I saw a girl holding a baby.

And I was like, that, I was like, wow, I've gotten old.

She is way too young to have a baby.

And then she started breastfeeding.

I was like, nah, she's not too old.

And I watched her breastfeed.

Oh, my God.

I'm glad you only saved that for me.

Nobody else will find out.

Sunglasses on.

I was like, ah, I'm not, she's not too old.

She's got to be at least 20, right?

25, 26.

How was that session?

Was it cool?

It was weird.

It was weird because everyone watched her breastfeed.

Like when you breastfeed like that, everyone watches.

Yeah.

There's kits out.

Yeah, but it's like so normal.

Did Push breastfeed?

Yeah.

And did she breastfeed in public?

She seems like she would have been a public breastfeeder.

I mean, if she, yeah, but always with like the, there's like a cover you put on.

She put a cover on.

She put a cover on.

But you still were locked in.

Yeah, I was still dialed in.

No part of your brain was like, oh, just let that person do that in private.

No, I scooted over, sat next to her, and was like,

I was like, hi, I'm Bert.

She was like, I'm breastfeeding.

And I was like, that's crazy.

That's your name.

And you're doing it.

Oh, it's so crazy.

What's your tit sitch like?

Can I get a peek?

Hey, I'm thirsty.

You got an extra one over there.

Yeah, yeah.

It's cool.

That's cool.

Is that one of your searches?

Do you like breastfeeding videos?

No.

No, you know what I'm really into right now?

No, you know what I'm really into now?

Have you seen Freeze Porn?

Freeze porn.

Yeah.

I don't think so.

It's a, I'll break it down for you.

A girl's having a problem with her remote control in her hotel room and the maintenance guy comes up and she berates him, right?

She's like, listen, you piece of shit.

This remote hasn't worked the entire time.

I've been messing with it.

And he goes, well, I have a new remote.

She goes, let me see it.

And he goes, well, here, I'll turn it on.

And it hits it and it freezes her.

And then she's like this.

And then he just proceeds to undress her and fuck her.

The whole time.

That's it.

And then

he'll unfreeze her.

And she'll be like, wait, what are we all?

And then he'll freeze her again.

It's kind of, it's kind of interesting.

And by the way,

the same guy does all, the same two people do all of them.

Like, that's, I think that's their niche.

That's a good lane to be in.

Yeah.

It's kind of fun because it toys with no consent.

It toys with it, but they always consent towards the end.

Right.

Like they unfreeze them and the girl's like, how did you know this is what I wanted?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you know, you know.

Right.

Freeze porn.

Freeze.

Yeah, freeze.

You've never seen.

Are you not watching porn anymore?

Because you're all the way in Texas when you're watching porn.

Or you have to like register to watch it.

You should get an ID and get someone else's ID.

Get Zolo's ID and get an account.

Yeah.

Oh, he's already registered, so that's fine.

Would you be?

Would you be comfortable if America knew your porn searches?

Kind of.

They're not that crazy.

So,

I mean, do I want it out there?

No, but I guess it wouldn't like ruin me.

It wouldn't ruin me, but I think I would want it.

It wouldn't ruin me, but I don't

half the time I look at porn.

Yeah.

I'm looking for a joke.

I'm looking for a joke about porn.

Oh, right, right.

Like, I'm not looking for the real thing.

And then if I see something that I don't recognize.

It happens to get hard.

And you're like, I guess I should tug on it.

If I see something I don't recognize where I'm like, wait, what's that?

What's that?

Yeah, that's fun.

That's fine.

I'm always like, yeah.

Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm going to look up Freeze.

Yeah.

I bet we can find one for you.

This porn is the best porn I've ever seen in my life.

Oh, that, yeah.

That's the best porn I've ever seen in my life.

Dude, I have not put mine on in over a year.

Really?

Have you jerked off to it?

When I first got it, yeah.

Oh, I'm definitely doing that.

Yeah.

Shutting the lights out.

Yeah.

And then you like, you forget that you're wearing it and you like walk into a desk as you're coming.

Ow, fuck.

Yeah.

Yeah, that happened.

That happened.

I hurt myself a few times with that thing on.

Are you serious?

Not with the porn, really, but with like some of their games because you're like, you know, you're like moving and then all of a sudden you walk into a wall and you're like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, it hurts so bad.

I was in a hot air balloon and that and that and I got a panic attack.

Really?

I was like, you take off in a hot air balloon.

You're like, shut up.

Hole.

And I get my heart.

I started racing.

and I got fluttered in here.

Hey, can I ask you a crazy question?

So I'm at Cottie's house last night.

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And

my initial thought went to you because I don't know if it's normal with her kids, but like me and her, her husband are watching TV.

We're watching a great documentary on Randy Rhodes, great documentary Hulu's Got, a series of them about all these rock stars' tragic endings.

But we're watching tv we're having a cocktail and her my niece is like is like a foot from an ipad with headsets on watching a korean lady uh assemble uh recipe move things like move like rice in a package to over here with an arm and then move rice and it's like a korean lady and the korean lady looks at the tv screen every now and then goes oh

and then just moving stuff in a in a factory just over and over and i was like that can't be good for her And that's what kids watch.

Do your kids watch that kind of stuff?

How old is your niece?

I don't know, four, five.

It's her birthday today, five.

Yeah, I mean, things like that, I feel like, are for a certain, so they were watching, you know,

not that exact thing, but shit of that nature in that age range.

And then I think you start to notice that like, every not even a year, like every few months, six months maybe, you, you see these escalations in what bores them and what entertains them.

So things that were like seemingly mundane,

which are, uh, become mundane to them.

They're like, I don't want to see that shit.

That's for little kids.

And then they kind of evolve, you know, but they were doing, they were watching those kinds of like, count this and like, yay, the voice is like, you're a cutie pie.

And they're like, and they just stare at it, but they're like two, three, right?

And then every year it kind of progresses more.

And then, yeah, now they're like, want to see me play this game?

I'm going to rob this guy.

And then I'm going to hit him in the head with a hammer.

And you're like, okay.

So you're like, fuck.

So there's like, it's just,

you know, a thing that evolves as they age.

Is it the quickening, though?

Is this good for kids?

How often do your kids just, how often do your kids walk out the front door and then come back like 10 hours later?

Well, that's a good question.

I mean, We encourage it a lot.

Sometimes when they're like, you know, I'm bored.

Can I watch something?

And we're like, no.

Like, what can I I do?

Like, go outside.

And then they resist it.

And then they're outside.

And you're like, where are they?

Right.

And then it's, you have to drag them in, which is kind of normal, I think, you know, like you're just encouraging them to be out there, play outside, do something out there.

They'll be reluctant and then they're loving it.

So it kind of goes, I think, both ways.

These phones are addictive.

Yeah, for sure.

We don't let them do

iPads during the week

on the weekends.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So when they come home from school, first of all, we're like, you know, they got home from school.

They chill for a little bit,

you know, play.

And then it's like, all right, like, we're going to get ready.

Like, if they have an activity, like jiu-jitsu or something, we do that.

And then it's like dinner.

And then after dinner, it's like, clean up and let's do homework.

So we do it.

We do homework like right after dinner.

So it's like you sit down and do homework with them?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow.

A lot of times it's like they have to,

they both have reading every day.

So we, like, one of us will read.

If I, if I'm home, right?

I mean, obviously I'm on the road a lot, but I'll read with one, she'll read with the other.

And then we just go over like any other homework you have, like math or language stuff.

And we just sit there and kind of just supervise it, you know?

It's funny because they're, you know, they're still at the age where the homework is, I mean, it takes 10 minutes max.

It's not, it's not daunting homework.

And they are, they both are good at it.

So they're both like, this is easy as shit.

And you're like, great, do it, finish it.

And then they just do it.

And you're like, okay, you're done now.

But getting them to do it is the fucking thing, man.

They're always like, I don't want to, let's do it later.

I'm like, what do you mean later?

It's fucking 7:30.

Like, let's just do it and then you're done, dude.

And it's such a thing to get them to start.

And then they do it in like 10 minutes.

And you're like, yeah, you're done, dude.

Do they, are they like, are they like Texas kids?

Or do they still have a little bit of LA to them?

No, they're pretty Texan, bro.

For real?

Yeah, I mean,

yeah, they're real boys, boys.

And then, you know, they're pretty active.

Like, you you know, they're doing sports one's playing drums, you know, like they're they're into like

certain types of activities, and they're always like, when can we go to the gun range?

So yeah, they feel like Texans.

Yeah,

yeah, are we shooting two, two, threes today?

What do we got?

I'm like, all right, so yeah.

Holy shit.

That's crazy still.

They would have been soft.

Liberals, if they had been raised out here, and now they're just redneck Republicans.

Who knows if they're going to end up being like, how y'all doing?

I mean, it could happen.

I don't fucking know.

That's crazy that you get that as a kid.

I never thought I'd get like woke liberals for kids.

Yeah, you have two woke

liberal daughters.

Woke liberal daughters.

Yeah.

There's still innocence in my kids, both kids, though.

So you just don't know what's going to, you know what I mean?

Like they're still pretty naive and innocent to like the world.

Yeah, I don't know when the girls,

I think over the pandemic is when the girls got woke.

That makes sense.

And it's like a time that would like pivot somebody.

I think the thing that happened is during that time, they had friends transition.

And

I think, and then I wasn't very, obviously, I was just who I am.

And I was like, I was never, I was misgendering everybody.

And

that's when they'd like get defensive.

Be like, dad, dad, you have to do it right.

Just try.

And I'd be like, oh, fuck.

I was like, just tell me what, what it was when it started.

Yeah.

What it was when it started.

And then

tell me what it is right now.

And I'll tell you what it is.

I'm not going to fucking jump through hoops for a fucking kid I've known

fucking five minutes who's like.

So are they checking you all the time on like the things you say, the way you speak, like things like that?

Not, not, not Georgia.

more not no Isla and Georgia I think once they went to college and they got they've got pretty grounded although Georgia is a little

yeah I don't know I said I made a joke I saw

for like I was I think I told you this already but I saw we were at college at Isla's college and

I noticed that um

the trans

By the way, I'm talking wildly irresponsible.

I'm just telling you what I saw, but I noticed that a lot of the trans people at her college all had canes.

They'll have

canes?

Yeah, like canes.

And so,

not the chicken tenders, but the actual, like, I'm a sword.

They were disabled also?

A lot of the, a lot of the, I mean, from what I saw, this is just my.

I just saw a cluster

of disabled trans people.

Four disabled trans people.

Okay.

And I called them a trans slam to Isla because it was four of them.

And she did not laugh.

And she was like, dad, stop

and then I was like it's a good joke yeah she was like I said yeah but you know you know she doesn't like she didn't find it funny I think Georgia would have laughed

Georgia I think Georgia you know what happened with Georgia and maybe not so much Isla but when Georgia went on the road for fully loaded she was around David Tell

Big Jay Ogerson and Shane Gillis And I think they kind of broke the woke out of her.

Like they made her, they got her to laugh and stuff.

She was playful.

They made it.

Well, she, the first joke, Shane had a joke about

going back to a plantation and the black guy talking to him weird.

And he was like, go back to your quarters or whatever, you know, and Georgia went like this, like, whoa.

And I went, what?

She goes, you're not, you can't say that.

And I went, he just did.

She goes, yeah, but you're not supposed to laugh at it.

And I was like, you have a stadium full of people just did.

She goes, well, can I laugh at it?

And I go, did you find it funny?

She was like, yeah, but if I, someone sees you laugh at it, you get in trouble.

And I was like, no, that's not how it works.

And then a tell went up right after.

And he was like, I like, I'm not going to, I mean, I feel bad doing an Atel joke because

I don't want, you know, I don't want to burn any of his material, but it was something about pubic hair.

And it was,

it's just awesome.

And Georgia laughed out loud.

And then she goes, I think David Tell is my favorite comedian.

And I was like, he's everyone's favorite comedian.

She was like, dad, I like.

the aggressive stuff.

Like, I like it.

And I was like, yeah.

And then Isla just fell in love with Big J.

Isla just, and I, you know, I think Isla is probably less woke because of Fully Loaded.

She did two years of Fully Loaded also.

But Georgia and Daisy came out that first year and they were, they, and those guys just, they broke it out of her.

They turned her into a regular person.

Well, that's good.

It's good that they're, honestly, the best thing is to be exposed to all of it.

Yeah.

And then figure out who you are.

Like,

Georgia was never going to misgender or mispronoun someone.

Yeah.

Neither will Isla.

I will.

I will, I just probably will.

I don't, I just, like I say bro to everyone or dude or hey guy or I yeah yeah and that always sucks when you do that like getting coffee you're like thanks big guy and they're like I'm a girl and you're like

all right okay

yeah

thanks big guy to a girl definitely hurts I said big guy to a girl said big guy to a girl and she I did not know it was a girl at all and I was like because there's certain ones that like actually you go people say what's up guys and like hey dude what's up bro you say that to you can say that to a girl and like if she's you know, not super defensive, like it works.

It's like, what's up?

But if you're like, what's up, big guy?

It's different.

It was, I mean, it was a, I mean, like, I just, I'm just saying what I saw was a big fella.

It was a big guy.

I guess.

And I was, I was like, okay, you dye your hair a little bit.

It's a little weird.

Haircut.

What's up, dog?

And you got some, you got some, some earrings.

That's the big man right here.

Yeah, I was like, what's up, big guy?

She's like, and she was like, I'm not a guy.

And I was like, okay.

And then I was like, sure.

And then I was like you big bitch

I go if you're not if you're not okay if you're

if you're never mind I'm out of this okay this is getting worse yeah yeah

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And worse, did you ever think we'd get to this, Tom?

Hey, do we have an OnlyFans star yet?

I don't know.

I have no idea.

I know that we had submissions.

Where are we with that?

By the way, I have a business pitch for you.

Oh.

I have a business pitch for our fans, but a business pitch for you that I want to field and I would love to group workshop.

Group workshop it, yeah.

Oh,

yes, I'm already in.

Hey, my name is Kens.

I'm 27-year-old, newlywed from the Midwest.

I have an existing OnlyFans that didn't make it due to lack of following, wanting to keep my identity hidden at the time.

I would love the opportunity to work with you guys.

I would be open to revamping my current OF or starting fresh.

I do have some experience with modeling in my early 20s.

I love your idea of doing something different rather than just filling all my holes, laughing my ass off.

Although everything has a price.

Right, boys, let me show you guys.

Let the show, you guys.

Love the show, you guys.

Keep my husband and I laugh.

Okay, great.

All right, let's see these

here

yep nice very nice oh that's really really nice yep very she's very pretty she's very pretty yeah she's very uh she's uh she she's got let's just break this down she's got fantasy quality right

she she looks like a nubile

right is that the right word I don't know like she doesn't look like she's we found her at a gas station No, no, yeah, she looks like she reads

she probably likes Lord of the Rings.

Like, I think a lot of our our fans are going to be like, oh, yeah.

I could get into a chick like this.

Yeah.

She's, she seems really, really pretty.

Seems cool.

It's a great option.

I bet she could put on a bunch of different looks.

Yeah, for sure.

Maybe she does cosplay shit.

I guarantee you she probably does cosplay.

Yeah.

All right.

This is a really good one to consider.

I mean, you're the ultimate.

This was your idea.

So you're going to have to be like, it's this person.

Okay.

But

yeah, that's a really good one.

Let's see.

Who else?

Okay.

Oh,

holy.

Ah, yeah, baby.

Fuck yeah.

Wow.

Way to bring it.

Way to fucking bring it.

Some of them just get it, dude.

God, some of them just fucking get it.

Yes.

So if you're listening right now or watching, because we're probably not showing you this,

this is a woman who is posing.

You're seeing her from behind.

One leg is up, and then she has a bottle.

a full bottle of Porosos in her no-no hole.

I mean, there's so much to this picture to break down.

I love the light herring on her under thigh.

That's so sexy.

The little peach fuzz there.

I love her nails.

I love the tattoos on her fingers.

Her heels

have been worn down by a pedicurist.

I would love to see what she looks like.

Okay, is there any more written here?

Oh, shit.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

Oh, she's got a whole thing going on, though.

Real Delilah.

Well, give her a plug anyway.

Real Delilah.

Real DelilahDelilah.com.

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, she's all tatted, like you like.

Yeah.

I'm Delilah.

I'm a small-town Wisconsin MILF who's been spreading my wet flap on the internet for five years now.

I'm most known for taking large and all-capital letters, fantasy dildos,

and of course, my Porosos video.

Oh, there's a video.

Hey, guys.

She made a video?

Is there a video?

Maybe she posted one somewhere.

Yeah.

That would be,

yeah, a thing, I guess.

So, but I think this, this woman actually, I mean, she has a website.

Like, this, she's the real deal.

She is the real deal.

I'd love to see this video, but she is the real deal.

I'm sure the video, maybe on

Twitter, X.

That's where people post wild shit, right?

Really?

I haven't been on X in forever.

I was on,

what's...

Yeah, see, so so she has

this is like another level of professionalism.

This is like what, oh, fansly poor Osos bottle and pee.

It's one of her go-to videos.

Let's click that.

This is where I get the freakiest from piss content to random insertion and more, I promise.

Full nude pics, naked TikToks, naked Legos, full-length videos, Thursday, Thursday P content, random insertions, solo content with dildos of all sizes, boy girl content.

She's really doing it all, man.

This woman is really coming.

Oh, there's Twitter.

I wonder if she has it.

See it right there?

Right where it says, yeah.

Yeah.

Yes.

View profile.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, she hasn't posted.

All right.

Well, she's keeping it.

She's got 226,000 followers, bro.

Oh, she's

legit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is a pro, dude.

I mean, we'd be, we'd be bringing a fucking pro onto the team when I think it's better, easier to break like a new talent.

Right.

Someone you can manipulate more.

Not manipulate, but, you know, just help grow.

Just help grow.

Yeah, help grow, help grow.

Yeah.

Okay.

I mean, this is someone that we would be like, she does guy and girl content.

You'd be like, yo, we're going to do a fan contest, and the fan gets to have sex with her on only.

There's a guy that I follow, and he's like, what, bro?

My dog, my boss said, I got to stop fucking chicks online, bro.

I'm having fun.

I'm having a good.

Do you know who I'm talking about?

What's this?

What's this?

Okay.

Here you're on the hunt for first of model here's my angle i'm currently medium attractive i want to be hotter i can't i come in as your of model in progress i love this um

procedures that i want simple like teeth lice light cosmetic work maybe a trainer nothing crazy the audience gets to be involved follow along as i get hotter so the glow up can be secondary content in a relatable and funny way I'm experiencing the kink scene, plethora of stories to share.

I'm passionate about my craft, somewhat self-aware, self-deprecating, shameless, committed, etc.

It could be more dimensional than just a simple OF.

I'd be open to candidly sharing procedures I want, sharing stories from my past, etc., etc.

It would be my dream to work with two of my favorites.

I think I'd come in more like I'd come in more like the Tom of OF where I enjoy the craft and experience as opposed to being driven by fame and attention like Bert.

Okay.

Pass blur.

Okay.

I don't know.

Here's her screen grabs.

They're pretty good.

She's cute, man.

She's attractive.

Are you seeing?

No, I'm fucking stuck on that last sentence.

Oh.

She really thinks that I'm just stuck on fame and attention?

Well, she's not, you know.

She's not crazy.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Well, that was, I mean, it was playful.

I don't think she meant it like super serious.

Just a little bit.

Okay.

All right.

Is there another one we need to see?

Let's see the next one.

Turn on the vocation.

Not now.

Okay.

Oh, these are like DMs.

Oh, nice.

Oh, a guy?

A guy?

Oh, he's mentoring.

Oh, my wife.

I think she'd be awesome fit.

She is so excited about the possibility.

Okay.

So this is like the pimp husband.

Okay.

Very beautiful.

Sure.

Yeah.

Eating pizza.

Yeah.

I think,

did we see this person before?

I don't know.

She's eating a lot of pizza.

Yeah.

Well, it's not sticking to her.

I mean, she's really put together, man.

Like, that's the kind of prototype body, right?

Yeah.

No, you're not into it?

I don't.

I just feel weird about, like,

I want to deal with her directly.

I don't want to have to go talk to her husband.

Yeah, yeah.

Because it's like, if we come up with a weird idea, the husband's like, what did you just say?

And you're like, oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got you.

I just would rather talk to like one entity.

Okay.

Oh, here we go.

Oh, let me see him.

Set up, set up my page.

Set up my of, oh, OF page, please, Bert.

He just targeted you.

Well, I think we better readdress our fans' relationships with us.

Please pimp me, Bert.

It's just for you, bro.

Oh, no, this is me.

Can you pimp me, please, Tom?

Okay.

Tom, why don't you answer me?

Please pimp me.

I'm sending my cock again, please.

God, he's got a great cock.

It's pretty crazy.

All right.

So when it's that big, you can't even get fully hard.

That's just angled down.

It's got a kind of interesting angle.

So that's, we haven't heard from a guy yet.

I know, that guy's got a hog.

Yeah.

We can definitely use him.

Well, yeah, you need both, right?

Yeah.

All right.

I think we're good here.

That was great.

Okay.

So are those all our submissions?

I think those are, I mean, look, this is going to keep coming in for ever a few years.

So I say we wrap it.

I say we put very succinct, like a one best photo up.

We do a carousel on Two Bears YMH.

We'll both share it, and we'll let our fans vote on who our OnlyFans model is going to be.

Okay.

So you have to make it to the carousel to be considered, though.

Yeah.

You got to make it to the carousel.

Yeah, okay.

And so we've got our carousel, right?

Yeah, I think so.

We're going to have to like offline it and just.

Yeah, we'll offline it, get our carousel, and then we'll post it, and then you guys pick which we want, and then

we'll find a fun introductory video that she can post on OnlyFans that everyone's going to go, wow, I want to go see her OnlyFans.

I think it should be, I think it should be like a cribs

type style video of her body.

Oh, like, oh, okay.

It's like, hey, like, she'll open the door and go, hey, everybody.

This is my cribs.

And she's like, come on in.

These are my tits.

And then she talks about her tits a little bit.

They're a little smaller, bigger.

People really, guys have always paid attention to my nipples.

You know, maybe, and maybe it's clothes on so that everyone's kind of like, maybe like, like, you know, it's like,

like, like yoga pants, like a revealing outfit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's just like, and she walks us through her body and her favorite aspects.

Guys always love my feet.

These are my feet.

I want to show you.

And then, so it's like a cribs tour of herself.

You know, you kind of were born to do this, I feel like.

That's a good idea for this.

Do you want to hear my best idea ever?

I'd love to.

I came up with it with Brian Erlacher.

and

Chase Rice yesterday.

Okay.

And

they're on board.

They like it.

And I think you'd be on board.

We've got to find the right city to do it in.

So I asked Brian Erlacher, ex-Bears, linebacker,

Hall of Famer, crazy.

I said,

what do you miss most about professional sports?

And Chase

played football over at UNC as well.

I said, what do you guys miss most about professional sports?

And their answer, and I'm curious, like, what do you miss most about sports?

You're asking asking me now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You played college football.

I did not.

But the thing that I

think the most, honestly, the fun thing that you miss the most, I think it's the same as amateur sports people and professionals because I've hung out with ex-professionals and you kind of see this is that even there, though they're the higher level.

The thing that's the same is camaraderie, like hanging out with the guys.

The locker room.

And like, yeah, like that's the most fun whether you're 17 or 30.

It's, it's the hanging out, busting balls, bonding over, bonding over things that suck, two a days, shitty practices, watching film, getting made fun of by your coach in the film.

Like that happens at every level.

And even when you don't make it to the pros, like you still have, like, I still have friends from high school and we still will talk about, remember that fucking thing?

And then the pros just talk about it you know for longer they work up to the highest level that's what i think that's my business pitch

which is a locker room we create a locker room you create

a locker room in a city you create a locker room and it's like it's a it's got a it's it's got a gym you got you got a you got a an equipment guy that meets you right when you walk in the door he's out of shape he's shorter than everyone maybe he's got a lisp he's like what's up tommy how you doing you're like hey zach and he's like uh hey got your locker ready for you uh doc's got you on on Zofra like you know like so you got a doc you got the whole locker room yeah you recreate the whole thing you got a strength coach you got conditioning coaches you have you got a real coach who's like a therapist but you have a missing ingredient that you that's tough to manufacture black dudes

they are tough to get but also yeah whether you're amateur or pro you have a unified goal Right.

So if you go, this is the locker room, you have all this shit.

People just show up.

It could be like 24-hour fitness where you're just like, yeah, I'm here to work out.

You need a unified goal.

That's going to, what's going to help drive the bond.

Okay, I love this.

I love this.

See, this is what I, you know, this is what I love is when you take an idea to someone and they help you figure out how to make it better, right?

Yeah.

Where they don't just go, well, it's stupid.

Why wouldn't I just go to a gym?

And you're like, no, that's not about the gym.

Right.

It's about the hang.

And it's about Saturday morning.

Showing up.

Like you go to the, you go to, we call it, we don't even call it the locker room.

Maybe we call it the facility, right you show up at the facility and You you're you have laundry done there you everyone wears the same shit to work out you have a gym you have a strength coach you have conditioning everyone shows up maybe locker room hours are like six to ten every morning during the weekdays and on Saturdays everyone shows up at the same time and you have like you have a goal maybe your goals are on Sundays maybe but I love that camaraderie.

No one's got a name.

Everyone's got a number.

You walk in.

They're like, what's up, 44?

And you're like, how you doing?

So it's almost like, and then it's almost like fight club.

You go out into the city and you're out to dinner with your family.

One guy with the locker room walks by and you're like, 22.

He's like, what's up, 44?

And your wife's like, what the fuck was that?

And you're like, don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it.

But it's fun.

Yeah.

It's a fun thing.

It would be a fun way to, a fun approach to me.

It's for guys that loved busting balls, loved.

the energy of high school locker rooms that don't technically want to go to a equinox or a crunch or and don't want to get don't want to get a trainer no no

Here's the other thing.

Shoot.

How do you, you gotta, so the thing about the sports thing is that everyone wants to be there because they want to play that sport, right?

So you kind of deal with who

shows up.

But if someone's just showing up, like, how do you filter out

people you don't want there?

You're right.

What you're saying is right.

Because you do have to have a goal that filters people out.

You have to have a physical goal.

Because the one thing I noticed when I did the bench press against the bust with the boys is that having a goal in mind, meaning like if I like, I knew that if I did every exercise the perfect way, no matter if I failed at it or succeeded at it, if I did it perfectly and failure was even better because

if I could only get 275, three times, I still went for all six because I knew that those extra three were the thing that were going to get me there.

And I never phoned it in.

And I said, if I just do the hardest work, then I'll achieve that goal.

And when I watched those guys do bench press, like Jason Kelsey and

Taylor and Will, what's so funny, Tom, is their bench press was close gripped because

that's where they push from.

And I was like, oh,

they never worked out to look good.

They worked out to be able to throw bigger men off them.

So if you have that goal in mind as a team, I think it creates,

that is, you're right, that creates the camaraderie, that creates the hard work, that creates the bust and balls of like, bust your ass a little harder and, and, and high tide raises all the boats.

But what is that thing?

And then, and then, and maybe, maybe this is a franchise where locker rooms play other locker rooms.

Maybe we're creating mini sports teams.

Yeah, you got to create, you got to have create some ultimate competition.

Because you go to the locker room to get ready for the thing.

Yeah.

You got to have something.

You know, it's got to be, and if you're getting like middle-aged dudes, you don't want it to be violent or like super explosive.

It could be like those, those, those, uh, those,

those, uh, kids in Miami.

I envy those football teams in Miami, those all, all young black kids where they go around, they're like, they're like,

what watch you wearing?

And they're all wearing Apple watches.

Have you seen that?

No.

They're all wearing Apple watches.

Uh-huh.

They're like, is it charged?

They're like, no.

They just have them on?

They all have on Apple watches.

It's all about the fit they do fit checks and then the the the my favorite one ever oh they're not even high school they're like eight years old oh they're little kids they're little kids they're little kids and they're like uh the best one is um

is that that kid that like dresses people down like look at that old motherfucker like that that kid on i tried to get him to two bears 5k yeah that kid was hilarious he's hilarious he's like i i got obsessed with it with it because he was like he's like oh who's your celebrity crush and everyone says lotto lotto and they're like why you like lotto and they're like slim thick and he's like what you know about that slim thick he's like seven years old eight years old seven yeah he's like saying what you know about what you know about that slim thick look at this old ass looking boy

he's like

he's so young he's did he ever respond no they never responded but i think it's someone who probably it's like a parent who's like yo i don't really i'm not gonna hire my kid out you know maybe i mean he should because the kid's talented if our next 5K, I'd hire him to work the field.

That little kid, the best is.

We should do another 5K.

We should do another 5K.

That shit was too fun.

I was such a great.

I was such.

And do you see how much weight Jelly's losing?

Dude, he's.

So last time when we saw him at that last 5K, I was like, God damn, good on you.

Like, he'd lost 120 pounds or something.

You're like, God damn, he's still a big guy.

Yeah.

Big dude.

Now

he has like just like a

medium build.

Like he's lost, he had to have lost another hundred pounds.

It's crazy.

He is doing, you know, I was listening to Gary Brecca on

someone's podcast, and he was talking about he flew out to Jelly, texted him, and said, do you work with fat people?

I mean, let's never get it twisted.

Jelly, jelly is.

I got to be honest with you.

It's chicken and the egg kind of scenario.

We came up with this stupid 5K idea, but I don't think it was going anywhere.

I think we were like, yeah, we'll do it.

Let's do it.

Maybe we were toying with it.

And once Jelly said he was going to do it, that started the groundswell of people wanting to do it and people wanting to follow Jelly's journey.

But Jelly's the inspiration, Jelly decided to do all the hard work to get to lose the weight to do the 5K.

And he called Gary Brecka and was like, do you work with fat people?

Gary Breca flew out.

They got in a private jet together.

And Gary Brecka shared all this that Jelly never shared with any of with us which is is jelly was saying you know he had to sleep on his side because if he slept on his back he had the chance of choking and aspirating and and that he'd wake up every morning thank god he was he was he lived through the night and that and they got all his blood work back and he was just like devastated like

i'm in bad shape and then And then to look at where he is today.

It's incredible.

It's so incredible.

Yeah, I saw a picture of him posing, I think in Italy, and like wearing like designer clothes.

And you're like, oh, shit.

Like, yeah, this.

What the fuck?

Dude,

he's unrecognizable from when he was two years ago.

That's crazy.

He looks fantastic.

If you type on jelly on birdcast, he was, he was, he had, he had been partying that night before.

Like, I think he was doing Coke the night before.

And he came in hot.

And he was large.

But man, he looks great.

Yeah, now?

Absolutely.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

Just,

oh, yeah.

No, look at that.

Dramatic, dude.

That is dramatic.

It's dramatic.

That's from 22.

Holy shit.

So, yeah, he's at his full, close to his full max there.

Yeah.

Oh, he's

wild.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

Oh, look, that's awesome, dude.

I'm happy for him.

But yes, we will definitely do another one.

We should do another 5K.

We'll reach out to Jelly and see if we can all be in the same town at the same time for the same thing.

That'd be red.

That'd be red.

Let me take a, I I got a piss.

So

piss.

How do I turn this back on?

This is crazy.

It's a real person.

Oh, we're back?

Back.

Yep.

Hang on.

You good?

Yep.

All I did was pee.

That's crazy.

Yeah, what happened to the Russian?

She's still here.

Dude, you can see her fillings.

Like, it's crazy.

You can see her fillings.

Like, it's a real person.

She seems nice.

She seems nice.

She's a little skinny for my taste.

She's small um and i wouldn't mind if the guy looked a little bit like me like it would be cool if i could avatar the guy up you know oh right and dress him and be like put a fitbit on him you know yeah yeah like put a little more hair on his on his arms i don't mind seeing the abs but like his dick is like glistening it's it's a pretty sweet cock i would like a little smaller Yeah, like just so it's a little more believable.

Yeah.

But it's crazy.

She's like a real person.

And you can totally see, like,

they're called VR Bangers is the company.

Make America Heart Again.

You're acting like I haven't owned one of these for a year and a half.

Can you imagine if your kids got a hold of one of those?

No.

No.

Can you imagine if your kid was like, hey, dad, can I play a video game?

And he's like, wait, what the fuck?

Holy fuck.

No, that would definitely overwhelm a small mind.

It would overwhelm.

It's almost like

I'm going to say this.

It's almost like getting.

Well, I was thinking it was more like trying drugs too young, but yeah.

Yeah, I mean, it's like

that shouldn't happen to you at that age.

But if you could, if you could,

what's the perfect age to give that to a kid?

To a kid?

Yeah, I mean, like, like, meaning for if it was me or you, like, at what age would you have liked to have received that?

And been like, and be like, I'm going to spend some time alone.

I mean, I think it's definitely

better to put that off as long as you can.

I think that would have been the seventh grade.

No, that's too hard.

If I got in seventh grade, seventh grade is when I like really got me jerking off.

No, but it would wreck you, dude.

It would wreck, it would wreck what you would have done, like trying to meet and get with girls.

It would wreck it.

And it did for lots of people in different ways.

And I'm sure it's still happening, but seventh grade is too young, bro.

It's too young.

You don't want it that early.

You want it.

If you're going to do that, you want it after you've had some real life experience.

I think it's bad to have it before real life experience.

It's not going to help you.

No, I think it would hinder you.

It's like, it's almost like someone teaching you to ride a motorcycle, but all you know how to do is pop a wheelies.

And you're like, you got to learn how to do a figure eight

and not drop it.

Did you get a bike?

No.

Weren't you going to?

Yeah.

What happened?

I don't know.

You were close.

Yeah, I don't want to talk about it the same way you don't want to talk about Saudi Arabia.

So it got shut down pretty hard, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You have no idea.

Yeah.

It's like right now our big deal is a puppy because

we put down Mac and Izzy's just

Izzy's so sad.

And you can just see it.

The dog just, our other dog just is like, yo, I had a life and now I just sit in this house by myself and i'm trying to convince lane to get a puppy i want to get another bull mastiff puppy just to bring life back into the house mac mac was so full of a life

and the annual do it and it's it's one of those things where it's like you know i bust balls and bust balls and bust balls and then she's like hey we ain't talking about this no more and then you're like oh okay this isn't even a joke anymore and so then you're like i guess you okay she doesn't want to do it because she doesn't want to deal with another

she doesn't want to rafter she doesn't have to potty train a dog oh okay yeah that's it.

I mean, makes sense.

Yeah, but it's just, it's like, I don't think anyone should just have one dog.

Or let me rephrase that.

If you're going to have one dog, just always have one dog.

Never get two.

Right.

If you get two, you never want to go back to one.

If you get two, you're going to be like, yo,

it's almost like you spend less time with your dogs when you have two because they play with each other.

And then you're not going to break them up playing with each other.

But the one thing that sucks is like with Mac, I had, I always cuddled with Mac, Leanne always cuddled with Izzy.

And

George always cuddled with Mac.

I always cuddled with Izzy.

And now it's just, it's like Leanne and Izzy.

And I'm just sitting there going,

Where's my dog?

Yeah.

And she's like, well, go get the cat.

And I was like, ugh.

Just go get, why don't you, what would happen if you just show up with another dog?

I'm in Arizona soon.

That's where we got Mac and that's where we got Mac and izzy and no not priscilla priscilla we got from a meth house a gay meth house what if you just went to the what yeah

what if you went to the breeder and you just took photos with the dog and be like how about this guy and send him and she's like all right you know i think our breeder reached out to leanne's like i heard about mac and lean's like don't reach out to me don't talk to me I think Leanne shut it down.

Right.

So then you go and you initiate.

Yeah.

You know?

Is it Connie Corso or Kane Corso?

Don't know who you're talking about.

The dog.

Because I've been looking, all I do is look at dogs.

All I do is I have dogs are in my algorithm.

I'm looking at puppies.

Corso?

Connie Corso is how I've always been told how it's said.

But everyone online is calling it a Kane Corso.

And I'm wondering if they're mispronouncing their own dog breed.

Yeah, I mean, it sure feels like Kane,

but I don't know.

Will you hit pronunciation?

See if it says.

Because because you're Italian, Tom, or you're Italian adjacent,

right?

How do you say it?

It looks like Kane by the phonetic thing.

Kane Corso.

Kane Corso.

I'm not pronouncing it that way.

No, no, no, no, no.

The correct pronunciation is Kane Corso.

Oh, people who don't know better because of it say Kane.

Oh, that, but that also is just a Reddit thread.

I believe Reddit.

Reddit's never wrong.

So, Cane or Kane?

I've never, yeah, never,

never seen that before, bro.

Connie Corsos are badass dogs.

What's the dropdown say?

Ooh, this is a different version.

Maybe this will be on your speechmodification.com presents how to pronounce

Kane means dog in Italian.

Stress the first syllable.

Cane.

Cane.

So it's Kane.

Corso.

Corso.

Corso.

Cane Corso's are badass fucking dogs.

So it's doggo Argentino.

I barely feel like I get to say, wow, I really learned something from you today, Bert.

But it is

Cane Corso.

That's pretty good, man.

Connie Corso.

So is it an Italian breed?

Is that what it is?

It's an Italian mastiff.

It's basically an Italian breed of mastiff, and they're beautiful.

Look at that dog.

Look at that dog.

They're gorgeous.

Yeah, they are.

The prettiest dog that's around is a doggo Argentino.

And that dog

pulling doggo argentino doggo doggo argentino right there all right this dog look at that white look at that the second one over look at the chest on that fucking dog yeah dude he's fucking yoked dude he looks like a kangaroo what's the um what's the background on these like what's this these are I think they're pig hunting dogs.

So I think they're like, they're like,

they used to go around and hunt wild boars in Argentina with them.

All right.

So the doggo doggo is fucking hilarious.

Doggo.

The doggo Argentino is an Argentine breed of large mastiff.

It was bred in the early 20th century in Cordoba in central Argentina primarily for large game hunting.

Wow.

That's insane.

First place.

Is it legal here or illegal?

It says, why are doggos illegal in the U.S.?

Oh, they're not illegal.

They are illegal to own nationwide, although some cities and counties have local restrictions on bans on the breed due to concerns about their strong prey drive power and potential for aggression, which necessitate proper training.

The breed was developed for big game hunting.

That's a beautiful dog, bro.

First time I saw that dog, we were boar hunting in Hawaii, and they had big, thick collars on it with tracking devices.

And they had like six of them, and they were losing their mind.

And they're like, oh, yeah, they'll grab the boar.

They'll hold the boar down until we find it.

And we'll use the tracking device to find them.

Holy shit.

And, bro, look, imagine if you got that pup, dude.

Look at, wait, let me see the pup.

Dude.

Come on.

And then, and then you teach him to be your, your, like, that's the thing about Mac is: we taught Mac to be our apocalypse dog.

Like, this dog will protect the house.

And Izzy is the one that follows you everywhere, sits at your feet.

Anywhere you go, Izzy is.

But Mac stood at doorways waiting for people.

His favorite place to sit was at any doorway where the door was open.

He'd sit and guard it.

Oh, I miss that fucking dog.

And then

I could get one of these and just, I'd get another bull mastiff.

Bull mastiff is the most amazing breed I've ever had in my entire life.

Dogs are the best, bro.

Dogs are the fucking best.

I know.

I miss having dogs.

God damn it.

You're a cat guy now.

Yeah, we have cats.

We have multiples now.

We got another cat.

Wow.

I have to say, I've been pleasantly surprised that these guys are awesome.

They really are.

They're really cool.

I know you guys are really good friends with Marilyn Rice Cub.

Yeah.

She's got the best cat in the fucking world.

Really?

Have you ever seen her cat?

No.

Type in Marilyn Rice Cub's cat.

This is the baddest cat you're ever going to fucking meet.

That fucking thing?

What is that?

A lynx?

her cat is fucking awesome dude holy shit her cat would protect her look at how big that goddamn cat is that's what i'm saying that looks like a wild cat what is that is that a bobcat it's i think it's a savannah monitor holy or savannah cat i'm sorry savanna cat

wow dude her cat fucking rocks

That's crazy.

I got to hit her up about this.

This is nuts.

Dude, if you're getting another cat, get one of those.

I think the only place you can have it,

I got to be honest with you, I don't even know if you're allowed to have it in Texas.

Holy

oh my god, look at the leg on that thing.

Yeah, that I mean, that really looks like a wild cat, bro.

I've never heard of this.

Isn't it funny that I could tell you?

Like, I know that animals that people have based on Instagram.

Yeah, that is really nuts.

What is Savannah?

Oh, yes, Savannah.

Right.

So it's a mix between this, a serval?

Yeah.

Wow.

And then a domestic shorthair, and it breeds a Savannah cat.

Yeah, but this is a wild cat, bro.

Look at this.

Oh, yeah.

It can jump like 10 feet.

I believe it.

Probably more.

And it gives you those doe eyes, and you're like, what a sweet little guy.

And then it just comes up and mauls your face.

That's a badass animal.

Shit.

That's so cool.

So much we learned today.

We are almost at the point of declaring an OF person that we're going to try to promote.

I had no idea

that there was such thing as a Cane Corso.

Corso,

Argentine doggo, a doggo Argentino.

Yep.

Mary Lynn has this

fucking wild animal in her house.

Cat ever.

And we, and listen, hey, if you're out there.

We're going to do

we're gonna do another 5k and if you're out there and you're saying to us hey bert uh and tom that locker room idea is not that bad can i give you a soft pitch on it and i go yeah we'd love to hear it and then i'd love to figure it out mostly i think it has to happen in austin because you're there and i'm there more often than not okay let's do it dude let's do it awesome awesome this is awesome this is fun hey just come back just come back alive okay i love you okay just come back alive don't read anything don't just come back alive.

See you next time.

I don't go back to this.

Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert.

One goes topless while the other wears a shirt.

Tom tells stories, and Bert's the machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.

Here's what we call two bears, one cave.