Phones Are Making You Unfunny w/ Jimmy Carr | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

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Wow, that 80s music is like people don't give it enough credit, dude.

And then, like, somebody throws on like a mixtape or something, or you know, a playlist of that, and you're like, oh, this is like the best shit.

And then, you know, the funny thing, I have kids, young kids, and they love it.

Well, you're like, you're like, oh, I want to interest in the music.

And then you realize everything that they're like, this is good.

It's like 40 or 50 years old Well, you know what the interesting thing about that for me is there's a guy called Mark Fisher who's like a theorist on music and his thing was culture is downstream of technology So we don't see it like that because we sort of go well no culture is just kind of naturally It's a wellspring from somewhere just comes from the ether but you go no it's downstream of technology So someone invented a keyboard in the mid 70s in Germany

And then you get daft punk and then you get all of that 80s pop so they'll be using this new music.

So there's an amazing kind of flourishing because of this technology that came along.

Or then the ability to loop causes like a lot of the RB and rap stuff that we love is kind of what causes that.

Right.

And it's slightly like there's a weird theory now that the 21st century is just the 20th century on better screens.

That's kind of a good theory.

Like what's new?

Like we're old dudes, so obviously we're going to say that.

We're going to say this is nothing new.

There's nothing going on.

This is too good to waste this, though.

So let's.

We're probably taping, aren't we?

100%.

Oh, okay.

Then that's a good guy.

I mean, I was like, what the fuck?

Don't waste that.

That's too good.

No, it's an interesting thing.

It's a guy.

There's a Polish philosopher called Žžak that talks about it a lot.

Like, just the idea the future's been cancelled.

Because you think about like Hollywood now.

What's the last movie that was like important?

Global impact.

That you could make a joke about on stage.

And

everyone gets the joke.

Because not everyone needs to have seen The Sixth Sense, but everyone got that.

That's what the movie was.

I know.

The Matrix, Fight Club, whatever those things were that people just went, yeah, that's

the language comedies a lot, you know, like

about comedy movies.

It's like when you want to say a reference that everybody goes like, yeah, you realize that you're like the hangover.

And then you're like, oh, that's like 20 years old now.

You know what I mean?

Like,

what's the last comedy movie that if you say it and you go like, everybody, like, you go Borat, everyone's like, oh, yeah, yeah.

And you're like, yeah, that's 20 years old.

Like, it's not, it's not a, a recent thing.

Well, I wonder if it's that our technology has changed, that we're not going to the movies anymore, to the cinema.

That's, you know, it's tailing off.

You know, the Oscars is becoming less relevant.

And if you see the tars on it,

what's becoming more relevant?

So the idea that the phone is the technology now, so people are consuming things on the phone.

So actually, if you put up crowd work all the time, it suits people because it's little bite-sized chunks.

And actually, it's not...

as good as the real experience.

Like coming out, seeing a comic live, there's nothing like that.

Nothing like it.

You don't laugh in the same way.

You laugh.

I think someone sent me the stats.

It was like 30 times more at the same stimulus when you're in a crowd.

Because it's like when you're performing.

Obviously, the illusion is, I'm on stage in Dallas last night and had great fun.

And the illusion is, oh, he performed on stage.

Yes.

No, 1,600 people performed in the audience.

I suppose it's more obvious with music, but if you go and see like, I don't know, Taylor Swift or Oasis or whatever your thing is, and you see the people in the crowd.

singing along and like Bruce Brinkstein at the top of the show goes, how you doing?

Everyone goes, yeah,

Try that in Starbucks.

See how far you go.

He'd be escorted from the building.

Yes.

It's all performative.

It's all performative.

And people love play.

Yeah.

That's the thing that we're into.

The thing that's missing from our lives is play.

Think about anything anyone gives a fuck about.

It's play.

Sports.

It's playing, right?

Comedy is playing.

Movies, we're watching our play.

It's all, we want more play in our lives.

You think about what a podcast is, it's play.

Yes.

It's kind of a conversation.

We don't know where it's going.

It's in good faith.

We're just seeing what happens.

That's it.

It's a great point.

It's a good point.

And it's like, and it's the thing that

you realize so many people,

so many people are missing from their lives.

You know, is like a lot of people don't remember to play.

In other words, they go like, oh, yeah, I don't go to shows and I don't want.

And you're like, yeah, you're missing like fun.

You don't have any fun anymore.

And then like last night, I was on stage in Florida and, you know, I talked to some people afterwards.

And they're like, this is

my first comedy show I've ever been to.

And I was like, what do you, you know, what do you think?

They're like, it's so, like, I've watched so many specials.

And I was like, yeah, but you can't duplicate the energy, right?

Like being a part of the crowd and like feeling the energy.

This is the issue with the world, I think, right now.

Not to be all serious, but I think it's the issue is we're giving up everything for cheap dopamine.

Yeah.

Like young men are looking at porn.

And I'm not like puritanical.

I'm not saying ban porn.

We shouldn't be looking at porn.

I'm saying, no, no, go and get your dick wet.

Yeah.

You've got to go and do it in in real life.

That's the better.

You know, it's way better.

Well, that thing of like the message can't be don't look at porn.

It's like, no, no, you have to go and meet a girl and take a chance and make a porn with her.

Yeah.

And yeah, make your own.

Yeah.

Well, that's kind of the thing, isn't it?

I mean, this is the thing.

And as somebody who, like, I remember being in my 20s and 30s, especially like early on when you move to a new city and you're feeling isolated and you don't know people and it coincides.

You're like, if you, when you look back, especially when you can see things clearly, you're like, oh yeah, I'm sitting in a room watching porn and thinking that I'm participating in life, right?

Like you're just like, I'm just in a room.

Looking back on it, you're like, oh yeah, I was like trying to fill a gap, right?

A hole that is not being filled with a game.

You're trying to fill a hole quite literally.

You're trying to fill like six holes.

But you realize, too, that it's a cheap search for dopamine.

And then that you can see how somebody could easily fall into

this gap.

What are things that are, you know, they're proxies.

So, like, porn is a proxy for real intimacy and sex.

Yes.

Booze and drugs are a proxy for fun.

It's kind of a fast way to get there.

Yeah.

You know, and it helps.

And I'm not, you know, again, not puritanical.

I'm saying great.

We're not.

We're not doing that.

But make sure you're doing something.

Yes.

Do something fun.

But make sure you're doing something fun.

And it's like video games for me.

It's like the tragedy of video games is the young men that play them, like there's levels and a big boss at the end.

Yeah.

And it's a proxy for the career they're not having.

God damn they need to go out and and and live the life go and have the adventure and i do the thing it's easy for us we're a couple of old men yes and somehow we got dealt the cards like the luck we don't factor in the luck yes the luck is big because we came along at a time when comedy was a thing if we'd been around in the 1930s comedy was not a thing like thanks to the hard work of prior and george carlin we get to be in a world i totally where it's all the clubs were there the infrastructure was there the community was there like people think they're individuals.

No one, our, our sort of whole identities are dispersed.

It's why we've got a mental health crisis because people think they can solve their problems internally.

I always

done like that.

It's done with other people.

It's done with, you have to

go to the village.

The other epidemic that is like huge, huge, huge that I become more aware of.

as I've gotten older is the epidemic of loneliness.

Meaning there's so many people that you don't, like you take for granted sometimes that you have a family, you know, a boyfriend, girlfriend, a husband, wife, friends, and then you realize there are a lot of people that don't have any of that.

Like they really don't.

They live in their, the isolation of their life.

They don't interact with a lot of people.

They don't have a lot of friends.

They don't have a romantic partner.

I suppose it's that thing of like, you know,

it's, it's hard choices now, easy life later.

Those things are very difficult to put together.

Yeah.

And then obviously you get the benefits downstream.

Yeah.

So you get that thing of like the good good stuff is like you have to put the energy in.

Like why do people get drunk?

Like soldiers.

Why do soldiers get drunk?

Oh, well, it's a bonding experience, right?

It's kind of obvious.

It's not.

It's the hangover.

The reason guys get absolutely blitzed before going into battle is not to get drunk together, not to be drunk.

It's not for the night out.

It's the hangover.

The hangover is the bonding.

The next morning, oh man, what did we do last night?

What do we have?

I feel terrible.

That thing, that's what's the bonding.

That's the bonding.

Going through tough times together and sticking together.

And now we kind of live in a world where there's we've got too many options.

Yeah, you can't stay in a relationship because people are on tender.

They've got other options.

You've got constant.

It kind of gets back to that.

I know.

There's a book from like the 80s that this guy, Neil Postman, wrote called Amusing Ourselves to Death, where it's kind of like a media studies book kind of thing.

But he basically talks about how it's not, it's not Orwellian.

It's not like our power will not be taken from some overlord

in charge, some fascistic leader.

Our power will be taken.

we'll give it away for cheap dopamine yeah we'll give it away for swipes on tick tock you know and all that stuff can be great but it's the it's the it's a quick fix though it's yeah and it's and the the it's it's often the it's the dosage is the poison right it's like it's just to eight hours of tick tock is a lot it's too much well that goes back to the video game thing because i don't like to like i there's this thing where you know we a lot of people demonize or like criticize gamers, right?

They'll just be like, oh, you're fucking in your basement playing games.

I'm like, you know, these games are incredible and the people that are skilled at them are very skilled.

The only thing that I find for like your average person like myself and gaming is like if you don't have control over the time you would put into it, like, you know, if you commit too much of your time, then it's this portal into too much escape, I think.

I mean, listen, we can't be too...

down on gamers because it's it's the variable reward system that they use to make those games brilliant yes and they are brilliant they're brilliant brilliant.

And you go, it's the same as the casinos.

Yeah, 100%.

And it's the same.

Same engineers.

Same thing we do with comedy.

Yeah.

It's a variable rewards mechanism.

It's kind of what jokes are.

Yeah.

Because you go, what are jokes?

Well, it's taking people to a surprising yet inevitable conclusion.

Like that story.

It's like landing that plane.

It's like, it's surprising, but it was absolutely inevitable.

Yeah, that's true.

There's a lot of people I realize in this moment that are adjusting their dials or looking at their screens and they're like, is that Bert?

So we should make it clear that you are not Bert Kreischer.

Oh, yes, no, I

think, right?

Yeah, no, we probably should say, yeah, because there's people like, Wow, Bert's like, we get we get a lot of people come and see me, and they're like, Wait, this isn't his dad.

Why's he got his shirt on?

Yeah, he's like,

He's dressed, isn't it?

He's dressed, he's lost weight, he's really putting it.

This is a good time to tell people he's died.

This is

this is Jimmy Carr.

This is not Bert.

And just so that people are aware, Jimmy,

how will he die if we made our predictions now?

I'm going to go eaten by a shark.

I'm going to go.

Dude, he would be so much happier if that were his.

I slightly think that should be...

Some type of action adventure.

If you're going to die, right?

If you're absolutely committed to

unaliving yourself, I think shark-infested water is the way to go.

Because basically, everything else you've done in your life is like a is a footnote to, you heard he got eaten by a shark.

And that would be the...

It's such such a burt story too like burt lives in a fantastical you know like yeah he's always it's always extremes and crazy shit like he lives it's almost like he's on a train in russia yeah it's with a bag of cocaine and a grizzly it's all this like almost like fantasy shit right so it's like if he died like oh heart attack which you're like yeah of course it's such like a it's so boring yeah it feels like i would love it him be like oh guess what he jumped out of plane no parachute you're like that sounds right you know like that kind of like something

eaten by a shark i think if if um and this is obviously, this is a big stretch.

I'm not criticizing your security services in America, but I think if Epstein had been thrown to sharks rather than just killed in prison, I think that would, I think everyone, no one would be talking about the islands.

People would go, you heard he got eaten by sharks.

Sharks are so insane.

It's grizzly.

You've got it on film.

It's crazy.

It is crazy.

But so people know, Jimmy is on his laughs funny tour throughout the U.S., UK, Europe right now.

You're going to Australia, New Zealand in early 26.

You can get tickets at jimmycar.com.

So make sure you go see him live.

I feel you have to.

Well, you don't have to.

You've got other stuff on.

There's a lot of stuff you can get.

But do go and get tickets for something.

Go to something.

Go to something.

I always think that thing of like, when you get your ticket, like you kind of get the benefit twice.

Yeah.

Like the, we, we, Jim Jeffries came over to London, so we went to see Oasis, right?

We went to see the gig, and we were like, when we got the, like, when the tickets came out and when we got them, and when we got the passes, and the thing, like, the whole thing was the amount, the high before the high was so good of like, right, what are we going to do?

Where are we going to go?

We've got to be careful.

We don't drink too much because we want to enjoy every moment of it.

It was just and nothing will be that good again because it's what you put into it.

Yeah.

Oasis aren't the greatest, but you kind of go, well, I've put 30 years into this band.

Yeah.

I know everything backwards.

So 90,000 people singing along.

It was just...

Yeah, the energy.

Next level.

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You can't explain.

The other thing I was thinking, dude, is like, you know, you're talking about like...

tender dating and all this stuff, like, you know, the relationship stuff.

I was having conversations about with multiple people about how the fact that our generation usually like makes fun of the older generation for like how they, you know, how they courted and stuff.

Yeah.

But you're like, yeah, but that type of courting is what was done for like basically the previous couple thousand years.

Like it's just manipulative, like, you know, it's an evolution of it.

And you're like, they're kind of on to something.

Like it.

It did work.

You know what I mean?

Like for now.

It's really, it's not thousands of years.

It's, it's actually, it's not for that long.

Well, not for that long, but it's everything was like evolution of an arranged marriage, which is the nice way of saying cousin marriage.

Yeah, that's true.

It was the tribal thing of like keeping everyone together for years.

And then we had this wonderful thing where we would meet someone and fall in love.

I think the issue is now, the way I think about relationships is, is it cornerstone or capstone relationships?

So, cornerstone relationship, you meet someone in your 20s and you build a life together.

And there's like a reservoir of goodwill and you kind of build a life together.

And then there's capstone relationships where guys sort of do everything else and they just solve for career and money and hard charging.

And then at the end they go, and I've got this girl who's super hot, who's 20 years younger than me.

Yeah.

But you go, there's like a

different way of doing it.

It's a different way of doing it.

But I think that there's something to like,

you know, when in the old days, we'll call it, which is just like 50 years ago or something, it's like you meet someone and you get to know them.

And then, you know, like you actually take, as opposed to like, swipe, swipe, yes, no, bop, I went out with her and whatever.

Like that feels like, hey, maybe take some cues from that previous time.

If you're not finding success in your swipe, swipe, swipe.

Isn't there some stat that the old people now, our grandparents are having more sex

than the children?

In retirement communities, it's a big thing.

Yes.

Which is kind of, it's not the way it should be, right?

It feels strange that they're like, these are the highest STD.

like numbers that we're seeing in any demographic is within retirement communities.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a bit of granny fan.

So they're like, that can't be good, can it?

We're on our way out and we're trying to fuck.

Yeah.

Gilfs.

Yeah, dude.

I have a friend that's into that and I, we all were like laughing at first and then we're like, what's up?

Like, what's wrong with you?

Like, he's like...

Well, I guess we don't choose.

Yeah, it's your wiring, right?

It's a weird thing with like, I often think of that with like a sense of humor or like

your sense of humor is very much like your taste in food or your sexual preferences.

Like some people like it spicy.

Yeah.

And my audience is self-selecting.

So people that come and see me, they like the spicy comedy.

And some people like plain stuff.

Yeah.

And that's absolutely valid.

I agree.

But we see it on certain things.

You go, oh, you don't like that food.

You do like that food.

Well, like, no one's like cross.

Oh, you don't like Indian food.

It's too spicy for you.

Oh, you're an idiot.

You go, well, that's fine.

But with comedy, if someone doesn't like that comedian, you go, you're an idiot.

No, no, it's just what you like.

It's just what you like.

I agree.

I agree that, like, that's another thing.

The older you get, you, I think you just feel like I used to be more critical of something.

I'm annoyed with stuff if I didn't like it.

Yeah.

But this isn't for me.

Yeah, not everything's for you.

Not everything's for you.

It's just like when you go to the cinema and there's 12 movies, you're like, yeah, that one's not for you.

The one that you're like, I wouldn't want to see that.

Like, don't go see it then.

Go see the one that's for you.

Yeah.

You don't have to shit on.

I think having kids really kind of changes that because you go, you obviously watch a lot of kids' stuff.

Of course.

And then you, and then you find yourself going, no, that's a good one.

Yeah.

That's a good one.

I mean,

I wouldn't watch it on my own, but that was a good one.

Yeah, because then you realize you're like,

this was done by high-level people where they're entertaining children and adults at the same time.

Like, some of it is so well-crafted.

You're like, oh, they got both jokes in there.

They got the one for the kids.

That picks our stuff as well, where they just go, oh, this is just perfect.

That's really, really well done.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

So, how long are you in the States right now for?

I've got like three, three blocks.

So I've got little kids.

So I like 12 days away at a time.

So just basically hard charge and do like two shows in a different city every night is kind of the idea.

Wow.

And just kind of do that.

But I mean, I'm always on tour.

Yeah.

I kind of love it.

I think that thing about going it's not like at the end of the tour the beginning of the tour it's just like i'm always doing shows yeah and i i kind of love it i think it is that thing where you go it's it's nice to be good at something it's nice to kind of

travel around you have a lane you're like i get to do this it's kind of great well yeah that's very it's very lucky as well it feels like there's a you know comedy's having a bit of a moment i think culturally it feels like it's it's maybe having the moment that movies had in the 70s right or that you know that music had you know that thing of like it it's the center of the culture And it feels quite, you know, there's a lot of controversy around comedians because

they're saying interesting things.

Yeah, that's true.

I always think about the luck, too, by the way, that you were mentioning.

Because one of the things I tell people is I'm like, you know, if I was the same guy and the same age and this were just, forget 50 years ago, if this was like 2001.

and I was like 35, like when my first special came out, I go, like, the thing that would have happened is, like, best case scenario, like, maybe I could fill up a club, you know, just, just, just the times I'm saying.

Because Don Rickles never played an arena, right?

Like, you got, I mean, also, the only, like, to be an arena act 25 plus years ago, you'd have to be a global household name.

Like, you'd have to be

so.

I think it was, yeah, Eddie Murphy, Robin Williams, that was made.

Yeah, Dice, when he, when he did it, was like, like, everybody knew who that was.

But Dice did it it in america he did some people just stay in them stay in america yes because why would you not i mean it's it's so huge yeah you can just do the circuit here forever yeah and never wander out that's true but like i have a total awareness i'm saying of the fact that streaming and the internet changed that space where you're like oh i'm also just lucky that when this came out

this medium was available like it wasn't available it's weird how i'd really noticed it earlier this year with like white lotus came out and everyone was talking about the same tv show And I thought, Are we, am I a kid again?

It felt like there was one thing on TV, right?

Like it used to be like when there were five channels, when there was three channels, whatever it was, and everyone kind of watched the same thing.

That's true.

And it feels like we're getting back to that now.

Yeah, the way it's kind of consolidating.

The thing about movies, too, I don't know if you've ever done this, where you go on like

the Apple, you know, like iTunes movies, and you're like, what's what are the top 10 or 20 trending movies?

And now you'll go through them and you'll see movie stars.

Like it'll be like Keanu Reeves.

And you're like, is this a Keanu Reeves movie?

And then you're like, I've never heard of this movie.

I don't know what this is.

How did this come out?

And it's a shift from

not that long ago when if somebody of his stature was in a movie, there would, it would always be a theatrical release, obviously.

And you would, there's no way you wouldn't have, you would have a reference, you'd be like, oh yeah, I saw the billboard and the trailer of this movie because it's a huge movie star and there's a lot of money behind it.

And now there's like, you'll see movie stars in these things and you're like, I've never, this came out this year.

And then it's like straight to a rental thing.

Like that's a different path than what we had.

And there's a bunch of those now because now that it just, they go different places.

Well, there's a, there's a, there's obviously there's a theory.

There's a theory that we're kind of at the end of a cultural sort of time.

So there's a, there's a guy called Neil Howe.

He's the guy that came up with the term millennium, millennial.

So he's like a demographer guy.

And he thinks that like history sort of rolls certainly America in 80 to 100 year blocks.

So you basically have, so 2008 was 1929.

That financial crash, and that's the beginning of what he calls the fourth turning.

It's kind of the end of a period of history.

So you go through this incredibly sort of

disruptive period where there's a war or cataclysmic events and you reinvent the institutions and then you kind of there's a rebirth.

So So you go, if you think back to like the end of the last fourth turning was like 1945, 46, right?

And then we don't have any culture from before that.

Nothing makes sense to us before Elvis.

Yeah, yeah.

And even Elvis now is kind of fading from view.

Right.

Like as the kind of the foundation myth of our society is kind of fading away.

World War II, that foundation myth is kind of fading.

So you go, so we're kind of at the end of a cultural thing.

And you sort of, and this is real events.

Yeah.

What is what's like the current

point of view of from Brits of like what the US is right now?

You know, I mean, I don't think there's one view anymore.

It's like there's multiple views.

Well, people are kind of siloed.

I think people are sort of, it's, I don't know, there's a lot of talk of left and right.

I don't think that makes any sense to me.

I think it's about kind of authoritarian and freedom.

Basically, it's like that idea of going, some people want to have a conversation and some people do not want there to be a conversation.

Yeah, yeah.

And it's that weird thing of like going, you know, what's, I mean, it could have gone another way.

You're often thinking about the kind of counterfactuals.

So it's the end of an era, I guess.

Yeah.

It feels like it's the end of something.

If you've sensed the authoritarian shift.

Not even the authoritarian shift.

It's the end of...

So, sorry, it's too boring for the podcast.

It's like Pax Americana, right?

So there was a thing called Pax Americana, like Pax Romana, Pax Britannia, where basically there was a unipolar world with one massive power.

It was the Romans, it was the British, it was the Americans.

And it was the Americans for the longest time.

From 1945 until the fall of the Berlin Wall, America just ruled the seas.

The American Navy gave us globalization.

They let everything happen.

Those brave men made everything possible that we appreciate in the world today.

And then since 1989 or 91, wherever you want to draw the line, the American Navy has shrunk every year.

because it didn't have a big enemy to fight.

It was just this unipolar world kind of going, okay, well, those guys are fading and our empire's getting stronger.

And it's it's all just sort of fracturing apart now.

That globalization thing is just like, it's fracturing.

And we're kind of witnessing the end of that.

So some people think, okay, so it's because Donald Trump was elected.

So it's

contingent on that.

And I don't think that's the case.

I think it's convergent.

I think he happens to be an elected.

But this is the force of history happening.

It doesn't matter who's elected.

It's still going to be this going on.

It's still going to be that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I agree.

Might be too boring.

No, I can do dick chips.

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To look like this.

Yeah.

I do, I do, what do we do?

I do, I listen to too many podcasts.

So obviously I do a bit of AG1.

You have to do that.

There's a certain level of podcasts where you go, well, they just, if you listen to a certain amount, they send you AG1 or L MNT.

Are British comics as into cold plunges and peptides as American?

I'm massively into cold plunges.

I saw on a cold plunge every day.

I do that thing.

I do.

And there's a weird thing of like, I did it the first time and kind of went, this is some bullshit.

I've got baby dick from the cold plunge, and I hate this.

Yeah.

That's how you can tell who's got a real cock on them, too.

If they pop out of the cold plunge and you see weight, you're like, this guy's got a dick.

This is, that's something, yeah.

Yeah.

That thing of like, yeah, it is good.

It is a really, it seems to work.

And I don't know about the that thing of like you, I'm very aware of like what's a fad and what's not a fad.

But you kind of go when you go to, I did a bunch in like Norway and Denmark when I tour over there.

Yeah.

You're like doing like cold plunges where you actually jump in the Baltic Sea.

Yeah.

Out of the sauna, it's like.

This is the best, though.

And then for the next six hours, you're kind of on a high.

And then you're like, these motherfuckers have been doing this for like a thousand years.

Like this, this works.

I kind of think it's meditation, but it's like a physical version of meditation.

You can be chatting to someone over, but your body is in like a, in like a so it's like a workout for your heart like every blood vessel opens everything tightens it's good for you you prioritize sleep i sleep i sleep pretty well you sleep little kids or whatever but yeah i i sleep kind of not bad yeah not bad and then does that mean you're so like

it's the booze thing is is hard because you're on the road it's always tempting as a little treat yeah apparently people started drinking because it was like the it was the sugar at the end of the day just like a little treat yeah yeah and that thing of like going it's hard sometimes not to have a little drink after a show but it's it's that classic thing of like you're borrowing happiness from tomorrow.

Right.

Like our drink is okay, but if you have

several things.

Are you into edibles or anything like that?

No, not my, not my jam.

You kind of can't get them in the UK.

It's not, well, I mean, you can, but it's a whole thing.

Well, it would be, it would be illegal, and it would be, it's, you know, so if it's illegal, then nationwide?

Yeah.

But it would be the, it's, I think that thing about with marijuana, I've got quite strong views on marijuana, which I think are controversial.

You do?

Yeah.

So here's the thing.

I think it's a performance-inhibiting drug.

So, I see a lot of young men playing video games, smoking weed, kind of doing nothing with their lives, but it doesn't matter because they're just in a kind of little fugue state.

Okay, I don't like seeing that.

I'd rather they were out doing something, uh, I'd rather they were out drinking, frankly.

I think

I would say the risk to your liver is as nothing compared to the risk of social isolation.

Get out there, have a few drinks.

But some people can do that

socialize with weed, like a lot of people are feel social on it.

But it isn't classically a social drug.

So I think it should be illegal for the under 30s, legal between 30 and 50.

Whatever.

You can make a decision.

And then over 50, mandatory.

That was an unexpected turn.

But I think a lot of dudes of like 50 and above, like the CEOs, that kind of class of people, they need to chill the fuck out.

They do.

Get out of the way.

Let the young people have a go.

I'm much better in social situations with a light dose.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

I'm talking about socializing.

But the dose thing is everything for me.

The dose is everything.

Because when it's illegal, like marijuana isn't what it was when I was a kid.

When I was a kid, it was like, it was weed.

Yeah.

And now it's this incredibly kind of powerful

kind of skunk.

Like,

it's too powerful for me to go anywhere near.

And the dosage is not clear because it's illegal.

So everyone's doing it.

Like, the dosage, like, whoever figured out what's one unit of alcohol.

That's a genius move.

We sort of need the same thing for marijuana, like the proper dosage so that you can it's just universal and you only get that when it becomes legalized yeah

i don't know i i um i've had like an interesting relationship with weed for most of my life i think where i didn't do it for like when

i i started to do a little bit in high school right and then

kind of stopped and then college i was smoking a lot of weed a lot and then i got to la

right after and it was heavy heavy use Like, like, not that I was throughout the day doing it, like, every evening, right?

It was like, like, a, the nighttime treat.

But you never quite give yourself time to recover fully from that.

Yeah, well, what I realized was that, like, we were doing, you know, we're doing like massive bong rips, like, right before you go to bed.

So you're, like, super high.

Right.

And then you, you know, you feel like, oh, I'm sleeping so much deeper.

But then at my, the next day, I would be like dragging, especially if I had something to do, obviously, right?

Like, I have to go somewhere.

So I would like kind of reduce, reduce what I was doing because I had an awareness of it.

And then I just wasn't smoking anymore, just like completely, not like I'm anti-this.

I'm like, oh, I'm, I'm more productive, right?

This way.

Then, anytime I would introduce it, it would be too much.

So, I would get like anxiety and paranoia.

I'm like, this isn't, this isn't fun for me.

Like, I'm not enjoying this.

Right.

And then years would kind of go by.

And then I guess you would call it, well, it's, it's all related to like the dosage, where when I was introduced to low-dose edibles, it was like the kind of like the nice

feeling of like, oh, there's like a little something here, like having a drink and you go, I have a little buzz, but not like, I'm fucking blitz.

Yeah, I mean, that's kind of my point on the, yeah, it's half a joke, but half also, I think actually older guys, like it seems appropriate, the victory lap.

You made it.

You made it.

You've done your thing.

Okay.

Just you need to chill out.

Chill out.

This will help you chill out.

Have a laugh.

But like in your 20s, I don't know if you need that.

Yeah, that's a good point.

I haven't really thought of it.

Well, I think that thing about everyone's got a couple of lost years to like, I didn't drink.

When I started doing comedy, I gave up drinking for, I think it was like 12 years, maybe.

Yeah.

I went fully sort of teetotal because I kind of suddenly, I was like mid-20s, but I felt so old.

And I suddenly felt like, this world's incredible.

Maybe I could stay here.

Maybe they'll let me stay here.

And it was like, it was probably 10 years before I went.

I think I do this for a living now.

Yeah.

I think this isn't just a

phase.

I think I'm okay.

I think I've established something.

I think I'm going to be all right.

Because it wasn't like there wasn't really the career ladder that there is now in terms of people can see, oh, I'll follow that path and I'll do that.

It was a bit more kind of, we were kind of walking into a, in 2001, it was like, it was kind of walking into a graveyard.

There wasn't a lot going on.

People weren't touring in the same way.

Yeah, that's 100% true.

I also remember that like I listened to something.

I'm glad I did.

The very first time I did stand-up, I was in a panic, right?

I was like, I can't, like, I signed up for this thing.

I was like, what the fuck am I doing?

Yeah.

And I, there was a bar here, and then you had to go around to this thing.

It wasn't a comedy club.

It was like, it was a bar that was having comedy night.

And I was, once I was in there, because I had prepared or I thought I'd prepared, and I'm standing there and I'm listening to the person on stage.

I was like, and I pounded a beer, right?

And then I got a second one and I pounded that one because I was like really nervous.

Yeah.

And I went up there and it was, you know, it was fine.

It wasn't great.

It wasn't, it was, it was fine.

But I remember talking to someone, not that night, but shortly thereafter, where they were like, make sure you don't get into

drinking before your sets

because

it's going to become like a crutch for you where you'll be like, oh, if I have a set, I have to have drinks.

And then you'll probably have to have more drinks.

And for some reason, it just...

It's great advice to get early on.

It clocked with me.

And I've never performed since then with a drink in me.

I always have a drink.

If I want a drink, I have it after a set, never before.

Yeah, it is a weird...

I don't know.

I mean, I slightly, it kind of makes me a bit melancholy because I think back to Edinburgh and the festival and the guys that you haven't heard of, that you'll never hear of, that had such fun.

Yeah.

They had more fun than I had.

Yeah.

But they didn't, they kind of, the comedy was like a little bit of it.

It wasn't the whole thing.

Yeah.

It was like, oh, I'm doing comedy, but it kind of facilitates my incredible capacity for drugs and alcohol.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, great.

But it's like.

Yeah, well, we all know so many names of like, you're like, this person was outrageously funny.

Well, it's the reason Bert died.

That is why Bert's dead.

Yeah.

This is the memorial show.

We should probably talk about him more, but nah, it's fine.

I miss you.

I miss you, Bert.

Still, moving on.

Yeah.

So are you in the middle of a tour at the moment?

Yeah.

So I...

I've been on this tour for almost two years.

I like that.

I like touring for like mine's about a three-year thing, but I like that fact that you get to know it really well, so it becomes less about the memory trick of knowing what the jokes are and more about okay, I nailed that.

I did they took them with me on that joke, and then and then you're kind of you're adding bits all the time, like little it's okay, perform like that, and then the gap needs to be a bit longer there.

Or and now I'm in that part where I love this part where I'm gonna shoot in November, and you can't manufacture the pressure

of an upcoming show.

You shot the last one in, was it Phoenix?

Yes.

I played that room.

I saw your special and I went, I'm going to play that room.

It's fucking great.

I'm going to book it.

So it's like in the round.

Yeah, celebrity theater.

Because whenever I do arenas, I always play them in the round.

Yes.

And it's kind of a trick I got from, I played a gig with Chappelle in Australia.

We did an arena in the round.

I went, oh, no one's got a bad seat.

No one's got a bad seat.

And you kind of, you turn, but if you put screens above you, you just sort of turn slowly.

Everyone kind of feels like the thing.

Everyone feels like we've got great seats.

Yeah, absolutely.

The thing that I love about being in the round too is that I'm generally a pretty stationary guy, you know?

Like, I'm not going to do a lot, a lot of movement.

But when I work the round, it just...

inherently makes you do a like a continuous movement and it adds something actually like

you kind of don't realize it but it's adding a little bit of volume to your performance because you keep moving around yeah and it's you become a little more compelling to watch right because you you have movement to you it's more compelling to and then you can and then when you stop it's actually more dramatic because you're it's not a it's not you're not just standing still like you might in a theater where you know it's like it's for it's the effect it's for it there's an effect that comes from it so i i love that venue the celebrity theater in phoenix is is fantastic it's pretty special where are you taping the new one where are you going the new one i'm doing at the riverside in milwaukee and uh it's a cool town to play though it's like a really good i don't know there's something about those kind of blue.

People always ask, they're like, well, how do you pick these cities?

And I go, you pick the city based on your past experiences.

So I go, I've had good shows in Milwaukee.

I'm going to do it in Milwaukee.

But what I love about the tour right now is that because I know I'm shooting, I've noticed how much more laser focused I am on the set.

You know what I mean?

So like this past weekend doing shows, I finally, I was like looking at my normal set and I was like,

like crossing off things, but I'm like, that's just a gratuitous nonsense.

Like that's not helping the set.

Yeah, that's right.

And then I get to edit it.

I cut it, you know, in real time, and I was like, oh, this made the set better.

And then I moved some, like, you start to go, like, oh, I want to actually really dial it in, adding tags, jokes.

And I feel like, even though you're doing that all the time, when you know there's a ticking clock, it just happens at a more large.

How many do you tape for the special?

We're going to tape three shows.

Oh, okay, great.

So you kind of, the pressure's off.

One Friday, two Saturday.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Perfect.

Be, yeah.

It'd be fun.

It's a fun thing to do.

It's a really kind of fun.

It is is fun.

And I think I'm enjoying it more now than I ever have before.

Yeah, I mean, pressure is a privilege.

Yeah.

Some people don't get to be pressured at work.

They don't get to have that thing.

And you go, it's absolutely a privilege.

It is.

I think people like, I don't know, I think people code stuff wrong in life generally.

Like pressure, great.

Stress is great.

Yeah.

Like the idea of like people talk about problems.

You go, a problem just means something needs your attention.

Right.

Like you either have a problem or you're bored.

And boredom, I think, is wrongly coded i think boredom is just unappreciated serenity right there's monks in a in a in a you know up a mountain in tibet trying to get to where i'm getting to on in an airport lounge yeah just thinking about nothing yeah i i i you know i have two young kids and all the time when they're like i'm bored i go good you know they're like what do you mean i go figure it out do something and they're like what i go i don't know man just be bored figure something out i used to like write most of my material driving

because you were kind of busy doing something but your mind was like so I'd like I turn off the radio because it's just a distraction and I just sort of go okay let's think about stuff think about yeah because a lot of it's kind of wordplay and stuff so just let things kind of and let things just occur to you yeah just funny little thoughts and let them I think a lot of creativity comes from boredom I think that overstimulation were you good at retaining it like would you just retain it if you came up with it would you have yeah I've got a pretty good I've got like it's not a photographic memory but like I'll remember if I listen to something, or if I say something, I'll remember it like pretty much verbatim.

Yeah.

Even years later, I'll remember where I was when I said it.

Yes.

Yeah.

I'm like that too.

I have really good recall for specific conversations.

Like I'll be like, this is where we were.

You said this.

I said this.

You said this.

You know, like.

Yeah.

If I can listen to an audio book, I'll remember where I was when I listened to it.

Yeah.

The whole thing, pretty much.

Yeah, it's

useful.

But that thing of like boredom as a, it's like it's seen as being the worst.

And you go, no, no, it's, it's okay to be bored just sit with yourself it's it's okay i mean the phone has kind of ruined that for us ruined ruined it and i think it's a bigger ruiner for a young kid now because they don't like we tell them like yeah we didn't have any of this shit you know we just take a stick and fucking throw it like like you know like you should figure out something to do you can figure it and then of course they do they do they end up figuring out some you know yeah they build a fortress in the living room and you're like yeah this is what you like you made something happen you did something you know you don't have to just be like, give me some stimulation from the phone right now.

Yeah, it seems to be that thing of the, what's that

Jonathan Haidt book?

He's the guy that did the coddling of the American Mind, and then he did the anxious generation.

They're very good on like, you know, kids can't have phones.

It's weird how, but he also sort of makes the concession that like stories are very good for kids.

Whether it's a, you know, it could be a book, but it could be like a 25-minute like morality tale, good TV show.

That's pretty good for kids.

Yeah.

That's good.

It's the swiping.

It's just the instant, instant, instant stuff.

It's just kills them.

It kills them.

I agree.

It's too much.

I wanted to ask, because I just had this conversation with someone who asked me this the other day.

I was like, oh, this is a good one.

What is the, have you ever had, what's the biggest surprise

person,

celebrity, or whomever, that you came to a show and you're like, whoa, really?

Because I know that you've had people pop into shows that you're like, you're here?

I remember Stephen Hawkin coming in Cambridge.

That's a crazy one.

Yeah, he's like, was an old friend of mine.

Wait, he was an old friend of yours?

Yeah, he was a friend of mine, yeah.

So, okay, but so when he came, it was a friend showing up or was it somebody just being?

No, well, he was like, he was a friend showing up.

So, like, it's quite a lot of organizing to get him anywhere because

he's ever so slightly tetraplegic.

Yes.

He's just one cheek muscle at the time.

Yeah.

But I remember him coming to the show and then doing like a barrage of jokes about him.

And then the people around him just going, Does he not know he's here?

And he loved it.

Yeah, he's fine.

Can you tell us?

What was Stephen hawking like i feel like that's not it was like a fun he was a fun hang like it was a weird thing where obviously if you know someone if you have people that are severely disabled in your life if they're tetrapleging you have to just be on send because you're not going to get any there's no waiting for an answer like people waiting for a yes it's going to take him 20 minutes to fucking do just fucking tell him some interesting stories he'll maybe send you an email in a few weeks really yeah so that thing of like being on send

but it was was it a surprise that he came where you're like oh no i kind of on the day it was like oh i went to see him for for teen.

He went, you know, people went, can he come to the show?

Yeah.

Great.

That's pretty good.

That was fun.

That's a fun, like,

Poplo.

Who else came?

Who's the wrestler guy?

John Cenna?

Yeah, John Cena, yeah.

John Cena, I was doing a gig in Melbourne, Australia, and it's about halfway through the gig, and I'm looking at a guy in the third row going, I recognize him.

Suited and booted.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Sitting with a stunning looking lady and just like, you know, clearly enjoying the show, but I recognize him.

Yeah.

I know that guy.

That looks just like that wrestler fella who's a movie star.

It looks just like him.

And then, so finish the gig, go backstage, don't think anything of it.

And then, like, the tour manager comes and goes, there's a guy who wants to come and say hello.

He's a wrestler, I think.

And then he sort of came back, but he just bought a ticket.

He was in town filming something.

That's cool.

He's such a gentleman.

It's like such a menshe move, I think.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah,

I saw him at a restaurant in LA.

Same thing, like custom suit.

Yeah, just

like, and then you see the back

like this.

You're like, Jesus Christ.

Yeah, what is that?

Yeah, what is that?

I was watching a show.

James Gunn was just here, and there's a show that called Peacemaker on HBO Match right now.

Cena's amazing in it.

He's so good in it.

Like, really funny.

Yeah, he's really good.

So, who turned up at your shows?

Who was like a weird?

Well, I was like, because you start racking, like, it's a kind of like a pressure question.

You're like, oh, yeah.

Because you think back of all the years of like something.

I was like, well, like, the holy shit, Brad Pitt, that's a holy shit one.

Yeah.

And then Mike Tyson.

I think those are like the like, what the fuck.

I remember meeting Brad Pitt at something.

I met him and Angelina Jolie.

Yeah.

And here's the thing: right, I've met a lot of very attractive women because there are lots of tens.

Yeah.

Wander around Austin on a Saturday night.

There's a lot of incredibly attractive women.

That's just a thing women do.

They could be very attractive.

But you meet a guy that good looking.

He's like, what?

Yeah.

What's going on there?

Yeah.

I've never seen this before.

What's your life like?

This seems pretty cool.

This seems.

Can I be handsome?

Yeah.

No.

And then, like, you stand.

the fun thing about like you he's a celebrity so it goes to another level but if you are with a dude who's that good looking

and you the fun thing to do is watch other people uh observe this person yeah and you go like oh that's crazy like this this is how you get looked at all the time you know because like people you get look you get used to like what normal eye contact looks like yeah and then you see people going like

Like just I think it's a good thing.

I think I know what it's like to be an an incredibly attractive woman now.

You do?

Okay, here's why.

Well, first of all, you're gorgeous.

Keep going.

But that thing of like, you get asked, you have the same conversation.

I think that thing of like, if I was a single guy, I'd go, if it's an attractive woman, just a disruptive conversation, just something interesting and different is probably the way to start because they've had the same conversation a million times.

Yeah.

In the same way as like, and not like, I love people coming up and saying hello, but it tends to be that it's one of three conversations that they're just going to hear every time.

And you need something to shift and

something kind of weird is like, like, is better.

And imagine how many times

I told a young dude this, like, imagine how many times a beautiful woman has heard, you know, you're beautiful.

Like how that won't stimulate anything inside of that person.

It's the same thing.

It's a hundred.

She's heard it a thousand times.

You got to say something different, man.

Yeah.

It's weird, actually, that thing of like, I was thinking about this recently about how in dating, like one night stands for dating.

Men will lower their standards standards for a one-night stand.

It's a one-night stand.

See, who cares?

Yeah.

What do you mean she's got one eye and a patch?

She's got three teeth.

It's one night.

She seems nice.

Whatever.

She's like, whatever.

We've had a few drinks.

She seemed great.

You stuff a trash bag.

Who cares?

Women

raise their standards for the one-night stand.

A one-night stand, you've got to be Brad Pitt for a one-night stand.

Interesting.

It's weird.

We go in opposite directions.

So it's like, why is it impressive that a guy

sleeps with a girl on a Saturday night and it's not impressive that a girl sleeps with a guy on a Saturday night?

because it's impressive.

Right.

The guy had a one-night stand.

That's a big deal.

Right.

That's a big, that's a big deal.

She raised her standards, and he met that standard.

That's that's impressive.

That's congratulations.

Good job.

Well done.

We're going to.

It's like we're on the yeah.

We're going to take a moment and celebrate every man that's had a one-night stand here.

You're special.

Hold on, gents.

Oh, look, look, they're in the booth right now.

They're thinking about their one-night stands, and they're like, wow.

In the booth.

In the booth, they're sitting there thinking, I wonder what it's like to touch a boob.

That's what they're thinking.

God love them.

Were you a big one-night stand guy?

No.

No.

That's not my...

Yeah.

No.

I mean, I don't think.

No one is thinking of me in a...

Yeah, I'm pretty.

It's happened.

Yeah, it's happened, though.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Sure.

This guy.

This guy.

He's in a fucking three-piece suit.

Of course I'm going to fuck him.

Of course.

Yeah.

Of course.

Of course.

Yeah,

I don't know whether people are looking.

It's a weird thing where what people are looking for, like guys

go for looks, right?

Which seems very shallow.

But looks, it's proxies.

Again, it's a proxy for healthy, right?

That's what it is.

It's like something in us is going, that's healthy.

She would give us good children.

Great.

That's our biological fucking brain just going.

And women are, like, women tend not to find boys very attractive.

They find men attractive.

You've kind of got to be 30 to be attractive because women go for competence.

They do.

But it's competence like across the board.

So it sort of doesn't matter if you're a billionaire.

It's like, okay, money, well, you must be good good at something, or whether you can put up a shelf and you google your hands.

You're like, it doesn't matter.

It's like, he's good at something.

He's resolving he could do something.

Yes.

Maybe he could help.

I saw, I think it was a behavioral scientist say that the number one thing, whether or not they're aware of it or not, that a woman looks for in a partner, a male partner, for long term, not a one-night stand, but long-term, does their brain is going, does this guy treat me better than he treats other people in the room when it's like when I'm with him?

So in other words, does the guy make the woman a special, a priority?

Right.

Treat her better than even the other people around.

And that signals to a woman, oh, this is perhaps a good long-term partner, the way that he engages me as opposed to how he engages everybody else.

I could see that, yeah.

I always think that trick on like if you're dating someone,

even if you're just meeting someone, hanging out, how are they treating the waiter is a really good indicator.

That's the thing.

That is, I, either way, if someone's like, I was talking to the staff, you go, fuck that guy.

Dude, I had because everyone's nice to me.

Right.

I'm fucking famous.

I still remember fucking getting a date with a girl that I was like, man, I cannot, like, I can't believe she said yes.

Right?

This is like, no, I'm with you.

You don't need to convince me of that.

Yeah, I can't believe she said that.

I was like, I don't know, I was probably 23 or four, and I was like, just like,

this woman was beautiful.

and the we walked from the car to this restaurant and she was

so shitty to the parking attendant like the like she was so rude and dismissive that in the moment I was like uh like my my attraction went down like 50% immediately I was like oh shit she's kind of a shit person yeah you know it's just in a in an instant yeah I'm still gonna fuck you but there's gonna be some interesting yeah I put it in her but I was like I don't like you that much yeah yeah no no, I could see that.

It's like,

it's a real tell.

I suppose it's that thing, though, with very beautiful people.

My friend Roshine Connerty's got a great theory on this about how really beautiful people speak very

slowly

because

they've never been interrupted.

That's.

Of course.

Of course.

Like a beautiful girl.

She can tell you how intuitive her cat is.

And you go, oh, right.

Yeah, yeah.

Amazing.

it's very she looks like her face caught fire and they put it out with a hammer.

You go, land a plane.

Is there a story here?

Is there a punchline?

That's another behavioral thing that's fun to watch is to watch like other men.

If you're around a beautiful woman and you watch how other men engage her in conversation, you're like, oh, really?

This is interesting to you?

Like, you watch them go,

that is, and it's, it's a red cat.

That's neat.

And they just.

You, Virgo.

Yeah.

Oh, right.

With Libra rising.

Wow.

My sister's a Virgo.

and then that I was just that's really neat I love studying this stuff and they just fully give in to the most boring fucking conversation points and you're like oh okay this is this is how we're designed we're designed to do this just give all this attention to the most boring fucking story ever because it's a beautiful source yeah it seems it seems kind of crazy it is yeah well that's how we're made yeah well where's your other half today and she's normally around

she's uh she's she's in the back I think she's taking a shit or something.

I don't know.

You're really keeping it alive.

Yeah.

Nice.

Yeah.

Are her and Burt having an affair?

God, I hope.

No.

Imagine that.

Imagine walking on that.

God.

Yeah, that would be my mom.

I was thinking like walking in on your wife.

There's better and worse positions to walk in on as well.

Yeah.

That would be.

What would be the one, the worst one?

Well, the worst one would be to see him on top, I think.

Because it would look...

like you walk in and you're just looking into there's a pregnant trans man on top of my wife yeah yeah

that'd be crazy to see yeah that would not be and i wouldn't know who to even react to first i think i think the the the dream is you the missus is is kind of reverse cowgirl and

just oh no i can explain yeah what happened was what happened was yeah yeah

yeah i guess he has to lay on his back for it to get in, right?

I think just health and safety, he has to be on

his back.

On his back.

Yeah.

I think otherwise it's like a wardrobe falling on you with a key in it.

You got to move the stomach up and kind of pull, you know?

There's a lot of

joints on there, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, let's plant that idea in their head for sure.

I'd love.

That would be quite something.

New YMH live idea, right?

We could do a ticketed event.

Probably sell a bunch of tickets to that.

I think you could definitely sell.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're in the, you're live from the cuck chair.

It's a new show.

I think it's a hit.

Maybe that's like a thing of like, I presume the cuck thing is like you want someone to see someone fuck your wife very well.

Yeah.

Or maybe there's a thing where I want my wife to be fucked very badly.

I want her to know what this real disappointment feels like.

Yeah.

She's impressed with me, but look at this guy.

You think I suck?

Check this out.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

You have a lady?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've been together like 25 years.

25 years?

Yeah, it's a long time.

Yeah.

Holy shit.

How do you keep it?

Kids and everything.

And yeah, it's fun.

How do you keep it fresh and exciting?

I think the fresh and exciting is the next phase of it.

I think like the thing is like

happiness is your current situation minus expectations.

Like we've done the travel the world, fancy holidays, all of that.

Now we're kind of parents to young kids, and it's amazing fun.

It's an amazing thing to kind of do together.

How are you so fucking zen on shit?

I don't like you have you just have such a Buddhist outlook on everything.

No, I don't know about Buddhist, but yeah, I'm pretty happy.

Yeah.

I think that thing if I've always sort of thought this, like disposition is more important than position, right?

And the only thing that changes your, like we all know like super wealthy guys that ostensibly have everything and they're just miserable.

Yes.

And you go, yeah, they've got a terrible disposition.

And what the only thing that changes your disposition is kind of gratitude.

It's just going, well, I got this.

These are the cards I got.

I'm very happy with this.

I'll roll with it.

Yeah.

Great.

But you actually really practice that.

It seems to me.

Well, I think about it quite a lot.

Yeah, I suppose.

Yeah.

I think I'm an incredibly lucky dude.

I do feel like when I get away from

feeling and expressing gratitude is when I get the most kind of caught up in my own shit.

Yeah.

And then when I remind myself of that and actually take just a beat of gratitude moments, it feels exponentially better.

It's a weird thing though, that thing of like comparison.

Yeah.

Like people kind of compare themselves to someone and

you go, oh, they're doing better or there's something, but you discount everything else.

You discount everything you've got.

Yeah.

Well, yeah,

we're all doing great.

It's like a weird, that thing of like going, not to be all

hippie-ish about it.

Yeah.

But the gratitude that we have is like, yeah, we get to be comedians and we get to do the thing that we love and it's that's really fun.

But it's also that thing of like, if we lived 100 years ago, like we're so privileged to live now, not because the money and the

food and fame and whatever, it's that half the kids used to die 100 years ago.

50% of the kids died.

If you have a kid, you go, what?

That would suck.

Yeah.

People just had to just live with that.

Horrific when you think about it.

Yeah.

We're having an absolute result.

Yeah.

If it wasn't for your wife having such an obvious affair behind your back that everyone seems to know about, your life would be brilliant.

You guys, is that real?

she's in there right now and he's in there right now no you would hear him that's the thing there's no there's no not hearing him

like it's just it's just stealth yeah there's not a stealth bone in his body dude

i wonder is there a rom-com with him in the lead yeah definitely yes i think you could that's definitely something that would work ladies man yeah yeah

Yeah, but don't like don't be like, hey, like, tighten it up, get, get in shape for it.

You know, No.

Him is the new Bond.

I could really...

Oh, my God.

That'd be just a bit.

Him in your suit walking in.

Double 07.

Double Osos and soda.

I mean, 007.

Yeah.

You'd be ordering drinks when he's supposed to be saying his name.

Yeah.

Who do you think's going to get it, by the way?

Do you know?

You probably know.

I don't know.

I hope it's.

I don't know.

I hope they do something fun with it.

I think it's...

A sassy black woman.

Is that what you mean?

Yeah, yeah.

That's.

that's got to be it, hasn't it?

Yeah, like why isn't it a sassy?

I really like the Daniel Craig movies.

I really liked those.

I thought they were, yeah, fantastic.

I think if you were like, you know, if you love the franchise, you obviously have this,

you have an affection for the franchise, right?

So you know, the eras, and Sean Connery is, you know, like that, everyone's like, he's the original, and these are great.

And there's something fun about.

But the Craig movies became, I think, arguably like just the best films.

Like he and the producers and everybody around them made the character have more depth, made the character more of a real guy.

Not just like, this is just the coolest guy.

Like there was just more vulnerability.

And I think the stories became better.

Yeah, I think they could do.

I mean, listen, if I was in charge, I'd get Christopher Nolan to direct it.

Oh, yeah.

And I'd set it in the 1950s in the Cold War.

But there was a

go back.

Because everything now is just going to be, I don't know, who's going to be the baddie?

He he was in talks for it several years ago was he yeah yes but they I think he does one thing at a time he's got he's this guy that goes he's making a movie so he's making I think he's making is it Ulysses at the moment yes

so he's and he goes well I'll do that and someone I think his producer came to him and I want to talk to you about Bond and he go

when I'm finished with this yeah I'm doing this now but the bond or the Odyssey

okay the

at least the story that I heard about with Nolan and Bond is that he was like interested, but hey, I'm going to do, you know, I'm Christopher Nolan.

I'm going to do my version of this.

And it was like, well, no, no, no, well, you still have to do.

And then that's what took him out of it.

Like,

like, not having complete control.

Yeah.

And obviously,

it's prime video, so Bond is going to spend a lot of time on his laptop ordering shit for the house.

That's right.

It's going to be a whole sequence.

Yes.

Is that what it said, too?

Yeah, same thing.

Yeah, major sticking point in past negotiations was Nolan's insistence on having, oh, final creative control, final cut, which they received.

I kind of like the idea that there's we still care about this one.

Because it's weird how franchises can get messed up.

Like the Disney, you go Disney Corporation, like, that's the biggest entertainment corporation in the world, right?

And they've got Star Wars now.

You go, wow, this is going to be great.

And they made a couple of good seasons of something.

And then they made some absolute dog shit.

And you go,

how did you mess that up?

Well, it's got that the arms of that franchise have also just grown.

There's so many properties within it now.

The point was you had to make it special.

Yes.

You have to make it special.

Yeah.

Wait.

Yeah.

You can wait.

Yeah.

You don't have to do it all.

Waiting was the thing that made it.

That's right.

The queuing up and being excited about the new one.

That was it.

GTA 6, man.

We're all fucking...

When are we getting this, right?

Yeah.

God damn it.

I want to fucking see how you get to kidnap somebody in 8K.

Why can't we just get that already?

Fuckers.

When is it?

When's it coming out?

It's been 11 plus years, right?

Or more?

Didn't they make an official announcement?

Oh, they did.

Okay.

The official release date, May 26, 2026 for PlayStation 5 and Xbox.

That's an incredible.

They say the delay was giving the team more time to finish the game properly, noting the significant public interest in it.

And when did the last one come out?

Because I think it was, is it 2014?

That's an incredible wait time between, like, for a franchise.

But you go, what's supposed to be?

13.

But what's that worth as a franchise?

It's like bigger than

anything.

I didn't know about this until a few years ago.

Video games is worth more than

movies and music combined.

Oh, the revenue is like, you're like, what?

I had no idea.

And that was like, it was, I forget which game,

if it was like, you know, Call of Duty or like Redemption, whatever it was.

They were like, day one of this anticipated game was like $890 million in sales.

Like day one, you're like, oh my God, like it is blowing that shit out of the water.

Look at this.

Look at this, bro.

Film revenue for 2024, 33.9 billion.

Music, 28.6.

Video games, 184 billion.

Can we see where stand-up comedy goes in there?

Listen, we've got a dog in the race.

We're catching up.

It's really incredible.

I mean,

that is an astonishing amount of time.

And it's kind of weird now how, like, there's less movies being made.

Yeah.

Like, there's less...

It feels to me like there used to be, maybe this is just two old dudes talking, but it used to be like, I don't know, 100 albums came out a year that were kind of good.

And they, you know, some did better than others, but it was all like, they all did okay.

There was bands that all did okay.

And then there was like...

a hundred um books a year that all did kind of okay yeah now it feels like everything's gone to because the algorithm just if you're one percent better you do 300 times better in sales because everyone just goes for the best thing.

So the top three artists sell all the records.

Well,

I wonder, will comedy go that way?

I hope it doesn't, kind of.

The machine that was

film coming out or music, let's say, when an album was coming out, it's like you had, okay, the album's here.

The record company and their marketing division.

would devise a plan to bring awareness to this album.

You knew that the album was going to come out on a Tuesday.

They would set up like pressers and events.

And then you would be like, it is here.

It's like a whole thing.

Now it's just like it's out.

I didn't know it was out.

Same thing with movies.

They're just out.

Unless it is like a huge, like a Taylor Swift thing or Star Wars where there's like, this is now, we're going to put real marketing dollars behind this.

I got a movie coming out in December.

Do you?

Yeah.

Congratulations.

Yeah.

It's pretty fun.

It's like the elevator pitch is good.

Okay, so it's Downton Abbey meets airplane.

Oh, really?

We made like a funny

parody kind of thing.

Yeah, parody.

That's very cool.

I was a big fan of Mel Brooks growing up.

I always thought those movies were just the funniest thing that I could watch again and again and again.

You live upstairs, I'm guessing, in this parody.

Are you the priest in it?

I just have a little bit part in it.

Damien Lewis is in it.

It's pretty it's it's good.

Great.

It's called Facham Hall.

Facum Hall.

Fuck'em all.

Fuck'em all.

Fuck'em all.

Facum Hall.

It's fun.

It's a fun little

fun little movie.

But yeah, that's opening on like a thousand screens in the States in December.

And you kind of go, well, I don't know how to tell people that.

I guess I'll just tell them on social media because

what's the point of putting a poster up?

It doesn't do anything.

Yeah.

And then

now, I mean, I've had the conversation, I don't know if you had, about like

promoting other, any other projects where you go, you know, you used to be like, well, I'll just do like this interview and that'll cover, you know, this series of interviews.

And they're like, I mean, could you do more podcasts?

Yeah.

Like more podcasts?

Like, yeah, that's what people are watching and listening to.

So just do more of those.

Yeah, it kind of makes sense now.

It used to be that you went on the tonight show and then everyone saw it.

They all knew what you were doing.

Yeah, I guess, I guess, it moves on.

It is that thing of our culture is downstream of our technology.

That thing of like the podcast has become the long form.

Kind of great.

Kind of great.

It's a nice thing.

I think slightly it speaks to the people who are a little bit isolated.

They're on their own doing things or whatever.

I mean, it's nice if you're driving or whatever, if you're messing around, you're listening to something.

So you're never you're kind of not bored because there's a conversation going on.

Yeah.

Yeah, I

mean, I enjoy long-form conversations more than watching a

like if I want to see an artist, you know, who's doing late night, it's like, yeah, it might be like a fun appearance.

But if you tell me that that artist who I'm interested in is having like an hour-long dialogue with you, I'd be like, oh, I'd rather watch that.

He's that thing of like, you go, oh, I don't know who your favorite like media or

creative is.

Like for me, it'd probably be Quentin Tarantino.

And you go, Quentin Tarantino on the tonight show.

Yeah, they're fine.

Entertaining.

Like, they played a game.

They did something.

Yeah.

But him, for three hours talking about movies, you go, yeah, all day.

I won't be able to take my eyes off.

Quentin Tarantino was here.

He sat right there.

So if you have not seen it, watch Quentin Tarantino come here.

And he got mad at me at the end.

But that's not the point.

Why did he get mad at you?

What did you fuck up?

Sounds like you fucked up.

I'm on his side 100% on this.

What did you get wrong?

Okay, so I get the call that Quentin's coming to Austin.

He's going to do the podcast.

And I was like, great.

Yeah, sure.

And they're like, he's coming in.

He's promoting his book.

And I go, okay.

So I'm in Seattle.

And his agent emails me.

And he goes, I don't know if I can get you the book before like Tuesday.

He's like, yeah, the book drops Tuesday.

And I don't know if I can get you an advanced copy.

And I'm like, fine.

Like, I do my weekend.

I come home.

I come here Monday.

And when I get here,

the book's here, right?

Is this Cinema Speculation, that book?

It's an amazing book.

Well, it's incredible.

I pick up.

You read it because, I mean, you want to read it before you

interview him.

And I did.

I did read the first 15 pages.

So

Tuesday morning.

Hey, Quinn, yeah, I saw the trailer for your new movie.

It looks interesting.

I didn't watch the whole thing.

I have actually the best conversation with him.

And we're talking all about movies, specific stories that he's like, I've never told this story before.

I'm like, great.

Tells me the story about like

Bruce Willis.

I was like, how did, like, how did Bruce Willis end up in Polt?

Like, tell me, he's like, I've never told this story.

Tells the story.

It's a fantastic story.

Yeah.

Starts telling all these things, and we're just talking all about his movies, his writing, his directing, his editing, like, you know, all these things about how he's, you know, I'm a huge fan of.

And then we're like, all right.

Like, I know, I know he has an out, right?

He's like, you know, they're like, he has to leave at a certain point.

I'm like, great, I know.

He goes, we're going to talk about the book.

And I go, what?

He goes, I mean, that's why I'm here.

Are we going to talk about the book?

I go, yeah.

So

I'm like, I go, whatever question.

He goes, that's on like page six.

And I go, it's one of my favorite pages, you know?

And he's like, he goes, you didn't read the fucking book?

Well, no one listening's read the book yet.

You can talk about the book.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

I tried, but you could tell he was just like, the fuck, man.

You didn't read the book.

I'm like, well, I'll read it tomorrow.

The book is kind of great.

Did you read it since?

No.

Do you know what?

It's the book on tape is amazing.

Because he reads it and it's really, it's just effusive.

Like his love of movies.

So I did a thing where there's a weird thing where you go, where do you get your dopamine?

Where do you get your serotonin?

So most people watch new movies and they listen to old music.

So I switched it last year and I listened to just new music, just stuff I hadn't heard before, like found playlists and things of new stuff and watched old 70s movies.

It's much better.

Like there's something about the new is very attractive.

You go, even 70s movies that you think you've seen.

Even if you go, yeah, taxi driver.

Yeah, I know I've seen taxi driver.

And you go, yeah, you saw it 25 years ago.

Right, watch it.

You remember one scene.

Yes.

And you know it's great.

Watch it again.

It's amazing.

Yeah, I just re-watched French Connection.

Oh, it's unbelievable.

Fantastic.

Unbelievable.

They nearly killed someone in the car chase and just kept it in.

Yeah, they also were like shooting in New York with like no permit.

They're like, hurry up and get over there.

So like before somebody sees us,

like just shot the scene.

And there's also this thing about, I'm kind of obsessed with the

today's film making, like the way that I think audiences have attention on something, there's always like 30 edits for everything going on.

So it's like here, here, here, why, bop, bop, bop, like everything.

And you go back to a lot of 70s movies and there'll be one shot where you actually see

life taking place.

In other words, the coffee being poured isn't like

thing,

like where you see it like

you just see somebody put the thing in, put it, press the button, and you're like oh yeah i'm i'm watching this moment take place and then the feeling that you're supposed to kind of feel whether it's supposed to be like this is a mundane morning for this guy you feel it you go this is like

there's a really strong case on those like the 70s movies as well when you watch them and you go there's a certain amount of toxic masculinity in those movies fantastic and we don't make them anymore so we used to make a cowboy movie once a week and like a mob movie kind of replaced the cowboy movies right but it was a it those were our stories in the same way that women have like like, you know, they might have romantic fiction.

That's their stories, their little fantasy world, and we've got our little fantasy world.

And if you take that away from our culture, which we have, yeah, then you end up with fucking Andrew Tate online because you go, there's a demand for that.

Yeah, there's a demand for that.

So you go, well, no, it's, it's it was really healthy.

Those movies were kind of great.

Yeah, they're kind of great.

And I shall say this: Tarantino is was fucking awesome here.

Like, I

should have read the book.

You should have read the book.

I can't believe you didn't read the book.

Man, I had like an hour, dude.

I didn't have enough time.

Those first 15 pages.

Just unacceptable.

Those first

15 pages were fucking.

This is why you're stuck with guests like me.

Yeah.

Will you come back, Quentin?

Please come back.

I'll read it.

All right.

Check out Jimmy Carr on tour.

Go to jimmycarr.com.

He is in the US now, UK, Europe.

You're going to be in Australia and New Zealand in early 26.

Yeah, it's going to be a lot.

Always have the fucking best time in both of those places.

It's the best.

It's incredible.

It's like, the audiences are so kind of there and so kind of, especially if you tour, like, I don't just do the main cities.

I play everywhere in New Zealand and Australia.

Really?

And the people are like, they're just kind of like excited you come.

If you go to Invercargill and Dunedin in New Zealand, people are excited that you're there.

I have, you know, you, you clock, your brain will clock great, like great shows where you're like, that was a great night.

Yeah.

One of the most fun shows I've ever had was on my last tour in Christchurch.

Oh, I love Christchurch.

And I had no idea where I was going.

I mean, you know, I didn't know anything about it.

And I just got there and I was like, all right.

And then that show, from the backstage moment where you go like, what's up, everybody?

Like to the house of, you know, the voice of God, Mike, where like when they cheered, we all looked at each other like, what the fuck?

Like, it was so energetic.

And the show was just unbelievable.

Yeah, it's the best.

The best.

It's the best.

Thank you as always for coming in, man.

It's great to see you, man.

It's great to see you, too.

Thank you guys for watching.

Listening.

we'll hope bert recovers

i mean you can't recover from that it's like yeah you're dead but we're gonna get we're gonna get we're gonna do a seance next time and we're gonna speak to him from beyond the grave

god bless bert and tom tom and bert one goes topless while the other wears a shirt tom tells stories and bert's the machine there's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean here's what we call

two bears one cave