130. Lessons From Loneliness

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Speaker 1 Ask your baby's doctor about Bayfortis.

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Speaker 4 This episode is fully going to change the way you feel about loneliness and help you stop questioning yourself because periods of isolation can get real bad.

Speaker 4 But what I want to point out is a lot of things people don't realize.

Speaker 4 With periods of loneliness, you learn a lot of skills and you learn a lot of new things and you get a lot stronger than you realize because what I'm gonna share is gonna help you rebuild your self-esteem and kick a lot of insecurities that have come up from all this basically being lonely is no longer going to be painful after this video Hi friends this week I'm gonna tell you some lessons that loneliness teaches you without even realizing whether you're going through a period of isolation now or you're trying to recover from what being isolated did to you because it does fuck you up a little bit this episode is gonna help and the main thing I'm gonna do is help you remember who the f you are because that's the key point to all this.

Speaker 4 Because loneliness will only be a bad experience if you look at it like that. So let's just jump into this.
I have a big list of things we're going to talk about.

Speaker 4 But first thing I want to point out is you are meant to be calling your life into question right now. This is happening for a reason.

Speaker 4 As soon as you start questioning your entire life and everything's just up in the air, don't freak out that you're questioning everything and you feel like all these changes are coming.

Speaker 4 They're meant to come and you're meant to be questioning yourself right now.

Speaker 4 So main thing here is I just want to prepare you mentally and set you up mentally not to catastrophize and make the whole change period and the questioning everything period even worse.

Speaker 4 Because when you look at it like something's gone wrong, it makes everything catastrophic. It makes everything hell.
It's going to make you feel trapped and make you feel even worse.

Speaker 4 So that's the first thing to get is you're questioning everything right now because you're meant to.

Speaker 4 question it lean into it and for any of my listeners who are in texas i'm coming to dallas austin and houston this weekend if you're watching this when it comes out this weekend.

Speaker 4 So May 30th, 31st, and June 1st, I will be in different cities at each one. I go to Houston, then Dallas, then Austin.
So if you want a ticket, the link will be in the description. Grab one.

Speaker 4 I talk about confidence on tour. And if you're not in Texas, I still have a lot more shows after that.
So the link's in the description. You can see everywhere I'm going and get a ticket.

Speaker 4 And let's jump into lesson number one that loneliness will teach you.

Speaker 4 This is the biggest skill set you've gained, and it's the ability to live against all of your biological instincts because human beings are a social and a group species.

Speaker 4 We're meant to need each other and live in tribes and live around people.

Speaker 4 If you've gone through isolation or you're in a period of isolation right now, it does feel uncomfortable because it's the opposite of what we're biologically supposed to do.

Speaker 4 We're supposed to be around people. We're supposed to live with people.
And if you've been through isolation, you now can survive that.

Speaker 4 A lot of people, you know, these friends that can't be single or can't not be doing shit. They can't just sit with themselves.

Speaker 4 If you've learned how to do it, you have a skill set that is beyond what a lot of people are capable of. And I just want to point that out because it's huge.

Speaker 4 You've learned to live against your own biological instincts once you've learned to survive alone and be okay with it. That little inner peace that comes out, oh, that's such a gift.

Speaker 4 But you have to get that gift by going through hell. But you did it.
And if you still don't feel okay with it yet, It's coming. It's going to get easier.
It's going to get better.

Speaker 4 But you're not meant to be alone forever.

Speaker 4 So anyone that's going through isolation right now, you feel just real alone or real lost, you're meant to be questioning everything because you're meant to lead to new desires, new things you want and follow those.

Speaker 4 And all the people are going to fall in line with it. So don't just beat yourself up over this shit.
You've learned a really big skill.

Speaker 4 You know how to operate against what's natural and you're doing all right. Look at you surviving.
Look at you. Strong little shit.

Speaker 4 The next lesson from loneliness that's going to help you feel better about it is you learned how to take accountability for things because all the consequences fall on you there's no one to blame there's no one to even falsely accuse or blame when you're living alone because it doesn't matter whose fault it is you have to deal with the consequences regardless so you learned to take accountability and be accountable for

Speaker 4 and do things that need to be done Because you're the one left to deal with it. It doesn't matter if Joe Schmo or your family member or your friend or somebody did something.

Speaker 4 Nobody gives a fuck because who has to sit here and live with what happened because of it? You. When you're the only one that you've got around you for a little bit, everything falls on you.

Speaker 4 And that's a lot of pressure and a lot of weight.

Speaker 4 for a lot of people and you're under it and you managed it and a lot of you have been through it and you've gotten through it and you've got that under your belt that is a huge character development and a very humbling thing so your ego has probably died a little bit but that's a really big skill i want to point out and help you see that loneliness has made you be able to embody and get a grip on is accountability it's a bitch it's not fun but that's something you really only get a mastery of when you are alone for a certain period of time you're the only one to do things you're the only one to depend on you're the only one to blame and you're the only one to deal with what goes on so you learn that and this is really really big this is a big achievement to have this character trait because social media and society and everything now is at a point where it's pathetic.

Speaker 4 People weaponize the shit out of their incompetence. They pretend like they don't know how to do certain things or they just didn't know because they get to throw the blame off.
You don't have that.

Speaker 4 You can't do it actually. Once you go through a period of isolation, you're so dead set and like, I did contribute to this or this is how I can fix something that's happened.
You get checked.

Speaker 4 square into your control in life and that's the best place to be is to always recognize your control over a situation. And this is the key way to do it.
So you've already got this huge skill.

Speaker 4 And this is something that's going to do nothing but help you with anything else you do in life. I'm sure it's changed.
And I'm sure you're fed up now with certain people you didn't see for a while.

Speaker 4 Now you're seeing them and they're kind of bitchy and they throw accountability off to the side and they're just whiny or they don't take action and do things and make changes.

Speaker 4 You're fed up with it now. Welcome to another phase two of isolation.

Speaker 4 It's like when you hermit and and you go in away from everybody, you grow, you change, you get these new character traits, you try and go get back around the people you were around.

Speaker 4 You're like, what the fuck? I don't like none of you. You're annoying.
Like, they just seem very ninny. And you're going to go through period two of isolation where you're trying to find new people.

Speaker 4 But it's totally normal. It's totally fine.
And don't get mad at yourself and freak out thinking, oh, I've changed in a bad way. No, everybody's going to say you've changed.
Absolutely.

Speaker 4 It's a good thing. And this kind of ties into my third lesson of loneliness is learning how to take care of yourself and look after yourself.
You're the only one to do it. A lot of people are babied.

Speaker 4 A lot of people need things done for them.

Speaker 4 A lot of people need to be told, oh, go take out the trash, go do your laundry, go put the sheets on the bed, get them out of the dryer, flip the laundry in the dryer so it don't smell like shit because you left it there for a few hours.

Speaker 4 You've learned all this. You've learned how to take care of yourself.

Speaker 4 in a grand way and it's not like you're gonna have to do it forever but having the ability to know how to take care of yourself puts you in a more independent situation where your well-being and your ability to thrive and survive is not dependent on someone babying you and telling you what needs to be done and looking after you.

Speaker 4 You don't need people in your life now. You've learned this.
You're good now. You could take care of yourself, make sure all your shit gets done and you don't have any qualms about it.

Speaker 4 Now you're going to be baffled by people who can't seem to do it. It's just, it's a funny little process, this is.

Speaker 4 But the thing that comes out of this is a sense of freedom if you look at it like that. Like you're free.
You're not dependent on people. You don't need anyone.

Speaker 4 And that's a nice feeling to have because you get to be more selective with who you choose to depend on and ask for things or allow people to be in your life. You're a lot more picky with it.

Speaker 4 You don't fucking need them. You like them, you appreciate them.
You want them around. And you become a lot more picky.

Speaker 4 And you no longer have to tolerate bullshit and people you don't like and people who don't respect your boundaries to do things things for you because you can't do them for yourself.

Speaker 4 Now you can do them for yourself. Now you have no reason or no benefit of having talked to people around.
Kick them. But another big thing here is you got a lot of self-trust now.

Speaker 4 It's the best feeling where you can trust yourself to take care of yourself and look after yourself and the cute little shits you do for yourself, like putting your little water by your bed.

Speaker 4 Something I do every night is like make snacks and I take them to the bed on like a gold tray and I just like lay there and fucking eat and just take care of myself and have a blast.

Speaker 4 Like having fun by yourself is next level. And doing little things to take care of yourself and buying yourself little things here and there, just the cute little shit that you do.

Speaker 4 You now have experienced what other people experience when they get to be cared for by you. But we're going to get there.

Speaker 4 The point with that one is you gained a lot of trust for yourself and a lot of admiration and a lot of respect for yourself because look at you doing the damn thing, taking care of you.

Speaker 4 One more point. I want to yap on that one a little more.

Speaker 4 Going out in public and doing shit, shit you're not dependent on anybody needing to do it i know people from my past who couldn't go run errands by themselves the hell i've never related to that i had to grow up real fast at a young age but having the ability to go out and do things alone go take yourself to dinner go it's always cheaper when you go by yourself the food comes faster you have fun you socialize you meet people it's a big thing for you to be able to go do things by yourself.

Speaker 4 For me, I never looked at it like it was this big thing until I saw the contrast of people who couldn't do it you have a big skill and that's a big thing to appreciate it's funny because your sense of normal and what is normal to you people now look at you like how the hell do you do that your sense of normal is a lot of people's thing that they achieve for so you're i'm pointing out things that are just normal to you now and point out things you didn't see to rebuild your self-esteem because this shit will make you start questioning yourself But just going out in public, doing what you want, having fun with yourself, take yourself on a little date, go do shit.

Speaker 4 Like just being able to go out and do things, it builds your social interaction skills too. It builds your ability to get a grip on social anxiety, not let it run you.

Speaker 4 Because like I said, you got to go do shit. You're the only one to do it.

Speaker 4 So you've had to step up to the occasion and beat a lot of things and grow and get a lot stronger than you might have been before when you didn't have all of this.

Speaker 4 Okay, now let's get a little deep with it. The next lesson you learn from loneliness is how impactful a human presence can be.

Speaker 4 And this is is going to come into play when you start getting around people again.

Speaker 4 So all the times you were alone and you were going through shit or you were upset or whatever it was, how bad you just wanted someone there or someone to talk to or someone just give you a goddamn hug.

Speaker 4 All those times taught you how valuable you are.

Speaker 4 Just by being a human being to other people, just by giving somebody a hug, just by being there for them, just checking on them, just letting them vent to you on the phone one night because they're alone or they're lonely or whatever they're going through, you know how important that is and how impactful that is because you would have fucking killed for someone to do that for you when you were going through it.

Speaker 4 You had to take care of yourself and get yourself through it.

Speaker 4 But my point is, as bad as you've wanted a hug that many times, you will never question or underestimate yourself, the power of your presence, the power of you just being a genuine person out of people and caring about people.

Speaker 4 Just being a presence is enough. A lot of of people struggle with not feeling like enough.
You know how bad you just needed someone to just be there at certain points.

Speaker 4 And it didn't matter who the fuck it was. You just wanted the presence.
There's so much power in your presence. There's so much value in your presence as it is.
Do not ever forget that.

Speaker 4 And if you're ever questioning or worrying, does so-and-so like me? Does so-and-so think I'm a good friend? Why would they want to be friends with me? Why would they want me?

Speaker 4 want me whatever think about this shit you know the power of just your presence now and just the little things you wish someone would have done for you that would have comforted you and meant the world to you.

Speaker 4 You got that. You can give that.
And now you know how it feels to get it when you give it and you'll never question your value again.

Speaker 4 But that also goes a lot further and it goes to my next point of just small little things you can do for people. Small little shit.

Speaker 4 that just brightens your fucking day that you wish someone would have done for you.

Speaker 4 For you to go do those things, for you to just be a friend to someone, for you to just give someone else the opportunity to have someone to call is huge.

Speaker 4 You probably were going through a period where you didn't feel like you could call someone or you didn't feel like you had anyone you could go to dinner. Hey, do you want to go to dinner?

Speaker 4 Just the ability to have someone in your life to say, hey, I have an option of I could go see someone or not be alone right now. Just to give someone that option is huge.

Speaker 4 But also the little things, like I said, the hug shit and all that, but there's bigger things than that. There's small little acts you can do, and just being a friend or dating someone.

Speaker 4 You know how it is to be alone. When you've had to celebrate certain things by yourself, just to go celebrate with somebody, how much it's going to fucking mean to them.

Speaker 4 The thing I want to point out here is: don't ever fucking question yourself again.

Speaker 4 Don't ever question how valuable you are as a human being, or if you have anything to offer, or why anyone would want you or care about you. You just got the full contrast of it.

Speaker 4 What you would have done for someone to come and be you to you when you needed someone, please don't ever fucking question yourself again, okay?

Speaker 4 Before I get too heated, next lesson is learning how to be there for people. You learned, like I said, you learned the contrast.

Speaker 4 You learn what people could have said or done that would have meant the world. You know how to do that now.
You know how to be there for people.

Speaker 4 Certain times in the past where you might have been, oh, should like my friend's upset. Should I call them? Should I not bother them? Should I give them a hug right now? Like they're crying.

Speaker 4 I don't fucking know what to do. You now have the understanding of what to do and when to do it and how to be more

Speaker 4 comforting and caring toward people you know how to insert yourself and handle the situation or know what someone would want even without them asking like a lot of people would be like oh i'm not going to text them i don't want to bother them you now understand it's not a bother

Speaker 4 text somebody check on them check on everybody all the time it's never a bother and you know how much it would have meant to you if someone checked on you so this gave you a big ability to insert yourself and assert yourself and stop being so scared and nitpicking yourself and judging yourself and allow you to actually be there more for people and be there better for people you learn how to do all this this made you a better human all the way around for all the relationships you have all the people in your life you now have one a deeper sense of connection to them because you know how to do things for them and truly touch them and make them feel better or feel good or comforted or cared about or whatever you know how to do that it's going to deepen your bond and your connection with people so loneliness taught you how to truly connect with someone because all of the needs that came up for you and all the things you wish you could have had you now know how to do it and that's gonna literally make you a magnet to the people that you want to be friends with or in a relationship with

Speaker 4 it's huge it's really big and i'm proud of you the next lesson is discipline bitch you learned it oh loneliness will teach you how to govern yourself because like i said before you learn on the accountability aspect of things don't get done if you don't do them.

Speaker 4 And you got to look out for yourself. You got to do things.
You got to get what you need and do what you need for yourself to survive and do good. But discipline.

Speaker 4 No one's there to baby you and encourage you and tell you you need to do this. And come on, do that.
No one's there to poke holes in your excuses. You got to fucking do it.

Speaker 4 And you most likely have learned from consequences of not doing this thing or doing this thing led to this negative consequence. I'm not going to do it.

Speaker 4 You learn how to fully govern yourself in a whole new way, and that's a strength a lot of people envy: discipline and the ability to govern yourself. You know, now how

Speaker 4 to do shit and get things done, and push yourself, and rise to the occasion, no matter how you feel. You could be sad, but you're still doing what you got to do.

Speaker 4 You could be pissed off, you could be depressed, you could be whatever. You're still up and moving, you still got it.
You're so much stronger than you realize.

Speaker 4 And this is a big skill, big skill for anything you need in life, anything you want going forward, for anything. Do not ever question yourself.

Speaker 4 And if you are questioning yourself, replay this episode as much as you fucking need it because these are things you need to be reminded of is your strength and your power.

Speaker 4 And if you don't think that you are that disciplined or you still need help with discipline, I have a podcast episode, episode 127.

Speaker 4 You can look that one up and it will help you with all my tactics about discipline. But you learned it.
You've got it. You know how to govern yourself.
You know how to make yourself do things.

Speaker 4 You're no longer a slave to your emotions. You now have emotional discipline.
You have mental discipline. You have physical discipline.
Duh. That's a given.

Speaker 4 But the emotional one is the one that runs so many people so far into the ground. And it's honestly what holds a lot of people back.
You don't have that. You don't have that limitation anymore.

Speaker 4 Loneliness removed the limitation of not being able to govern yourself. You got that shit in your pocket.
And this pulls in a whole nother aspect of freedom.

Speaker 4 You're not controlled and dicked around by your emotions.

Speaker 4 You do what needs to be done. You got it.
You know how to control yourself. You know how to govern yourself.
You're literally free from your emotions running you and controlling you.

Speaker 4 You're also free, like I said before, with being dependent on anyone. You're not dependent on feeling like it.
You're not dependent on being motivated. You goddamn get up and do it.

Speaker 4 And the best part of it is you now have a track record and you have proof that you've done it. All the hard things that you didn't want to do, all the times you didn't want to be disciplined.

Speaker 4 You wanted to just be like, fuck it, I don't feel like it today. but you did it anyway.

Speaker 4 Whenever you question yourself, or you feel weak, or you start doubting shit, you have so much experience and proof to look back on and recall and be reminded of your power and the strength you do have.

Speaker 4 You made it through all that, you've done X, Y, Z. Look at any proof you got, and it will give you encouragement to go forward.

Speaker 4 Because, like I said, this whole loneliness thing will make you question yourself, it'll make you insecure. That's what this episode is for: is to put it in the opposite direction.

Speaker 4 The isolation can be empowering, or it can be crippling, and it can make you insecure and ruin your self-esteem. My advice is don't let it do that.
Look at everything you gained.

Speaker 4 And if you ever feel like you doubt yourself or you're worried, you got all this proof stacked up now.

Speaker 4 You got this. All right, the next little lesson from loneliness is you stop taking shit for granted.
You learn how to stop doing that. You learn how to appreciate people a little more.

Speaker 4 There's a lot of people in your life you probably were irritated with and you're just fed up with their shit because when someone is too consistent or around too much, you start to get annoyed or you start to just get comfortable and used to their presence.

Speaker 4 And you start to only kind of focus on and see the bad parts and the irritating things.

Speaker 4 But a period of isolation or not having certain people around will tap you into a whole new level of appreciation for them and help you see things and appreciate things you never saw before.

Speaker 4 And it might rewrite who you thought was bad in the past. You might actually realize you appreciated someone more or you actually did like somebody that you thought you didn't like.

Speaker 4 And this goes into opportunities too.

Speaker 4 So activities and things that you might have gotten worn out with like getting invited to go out invited to parties invited to all kind of shit you might have been annoyed with it at one point but now you're at a place where you've experienced the contrast and the lack of it and now when it comes back you're a little bit more excited these moments mean more to you because you have a new appreciation for them and the other part with that it's kind of a bitch is after you get to that level of peace, you know what I'm talking about, with being alone and you are enjoying your own presence and your own peace and you just feel happy and you have your own little vibe going on, your own little like routine and you're just having a blast.

Speaker 4 Everything's going great.

Speaker 4 When people start to come in and opportunities come up, you become a lot more selective because you see things more clearly and you're not so desperate for people in your life who are going to fuck it up.

Speaker 4 And I'm just talking about your life at that, like in the past. You should let people in just to have somebody, even if it was negative.

Speaker 4 Now that you found found that peace you're a lot more protective of it so the quality of people you're going to have in your life and have around you the people you're going to spend your time with are going to be at the cost of the peace so you now have something to lose and you're now going to become a lot more protective of yourself and a lot more picky and a lot less tolerant of bullshit setting boundaries it has never been easier than after you find that peace and you're like people are fucking it up it's going to be so easy to set boundaries and maintain your peace or weed people out.

Speaker 4 And it's a good thing to be picky with the things you go to, the nights you go out, the parties you go to, the events you go to, whatever it is. Being more picky with it is a good thing.

Speaker 4 You don't want to be doing things that are going to wreck everything else you got going on for yourself and the new little piece you found. You don't want that to happen.

Speaker 4 You don't want these people who are nobodies and have nothing to contribute but chaos and gossip trying to come into your life. No, you're not going to want that.

Speaker 4 You're going to get a little can of raid, some bug spray.

Speaker 4 Get a little Rochester out of here but this leads you into feeling a lot more confident with friends and relationships that you have going forward because you're a lot more picky you're not going into things out of just desperation you're able to trust and relax and ease into things because you'll find people who your peace can exist with and if you haven't found them yet keep

Speaker 4 looking the peace you have now

Speaker 4 The people who are meant to be in your life with this version of you are people who do not ruin or disturb the piece that you have. They will add to it or they'll fuck off.

Speaker 4 There's not going to be any space for them. And this is a good way to find people who are meant for you.
If they fuck up your piece, they're not meant for you. Let them go.

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Speaker 4 And this is going to increase the quality of your life, your relationships, your friendships.

Speaker 4 It's going to make you all around just a better person and a more enjoyable person and a funner person to be around. And a lot of people get worried that when

Speaker 4 they like to spend time alone, where they have their own life going on, where they don't deal with the meshment trauma, if you don't know what that is, Google it.

Speaker 4 But people who don't know how to not revolve their life around someone else, people pleasers, your biggest fear is pushing people away and pissing them off.

Speaker 4 It's actually more enticing and more attractive for other people to see you with your own life, your own views, your own things you're doing and being protective of it and having boundaries.

Speaker 4 You're safe to care about because you don't just fully mold to them and latch to them like a leech to figure out, what is my guidance? What am I doing today? What do we feel? What do we like?

Speaker 4 What do we not like? You come in as a person now. with your own shit going on and it's attractive.

Speaker 4 It's not attractive and it's not fun to be with someone who is fully dependent on you for their sense of self and what they're doing and they don't act like they have any needs.

Speaker 4 That's how you match with a narcissist. Being a codependent, acting like you have no feelings, wants, needs, everything's fine.
You just go with the flow. It's how you line up with a narcissist.

Speaker 4 It takes two to tango. So if you want to unpack that, go for it.
Basically, my whole point with this is you now know how to clean house.

Speaker 4 And now you have a house you're not desperate for people to come into. You're more protective and picky over who gets to come in the goddamn house.
You're happy in your house.

Speaker 4 You got peace in your little house. You're not letting little homeless people come in and squat in it no more.
Ain't nobody staying for free. You're going to clean.

Speaker 4 You're going to contribute to the peace. You're going to have a good time.
You're going to get the fuck out.

Speaker 4 Okay, the next one. Oh, I got to get situated for this one.
You now know how to be your own first resource. You now know how to form your own opinion and not need opinions from other people.

Speaker 4 You're your own first resource for judgment on things. You now know how to make your own assessment, make your own opinion of something and trust it.

Speaker 4 And also make decisions based off of what you think and feel like and don't like.

Speaker 4 You you don't have other people to be bouncing opinions off of like basketball you don't have that no more or you didn't have it at a point and you learned how to fully trust your own opinion and your own judgment that

Speaker 4 is the most valuable thing in this life is it

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 4 I can't even think of anything more valuable as the ability to trust your own opinion, to form your own opinion, and to trust your own judgment of things, and to validate your own feelings and your own experience in this life.

Speaker 4 You don't look to other people. Oh, what do you think? That's having your life be dictated by the opinions of others.
When you let that in too much, it's not a good thing.

Speaker 4 When you're grown, you need to be able to trust your own judgment. When you're young, you need to call in advice.
Maybe see some things that you're not seeing from people who are wiser and get it.

Speaker 4 You should always ask for more opinions, but the whole thing is you know how to form your own opinion first. Your opinions are not formed for you.
You know what you think, and feel, and believe.

Speaker 4 You now know how to educate yourself and get your own grip on reality and what you think, and what you want to do, and what you think the next best steps are.

Speaker 4 And if you know what's best for you, you know what's best for you. No one else knows what's best for you.
Everybody's different, and nobody lives in the same body. You know what's best for you.

Speaker 4 And when you can trust that, and you know what is best for you, and you feel it, and you can trust that, unfuck with the boy, you're going to be. That's how you get there.

Speaker 4 And the way to know that you've actually got this is if you get annoyed or irritated when people start talking and voicing shit before

Speaker 4 you've made your own opinion about something. I experienced this a few times.
I still deal with it. When I was touring houses, I was with my realtor.
We'd walk in the door.

Speaker 4 I don't want nobody to say nothing to me. I want to walk in the house.
I want to go walk around. I want to go touch everything.

Speaker 4 I want to go look around, get my own assessment of the place, take it in in visually feel the energy of it see if anything's off but when my realtor would start talking i would get pissed off like let me go look at everything first when we walk in the living room you don't have to say oh this is the living room this is beautiful they did shut up i'm just trying to

Speaker 4 look at it

Speaker 4 But that's the thing. When you haven't even formed your own opinion of something yet and someone's already yapping, you're going to get irritated.
And that's how you know.

Speaker 4 You trust your own opinion and you value it now. That's huge.
So pay attention to the irritation because it's going to be validation of, yeah, you know what you think now. You know what you like.

Speaker 4 You don't need someone to point it out. But just pay attention to that.
Don't snap at people. Don't get mad at people.
Just kind of like tune them out if you need to.

Speaker 4 But forming your own opinion, huge. Okay, the last little lesson from loneliness I'm going to talk about in this episode.

Speaker 4 Loneliness teaches you how to live by your own approval and also be a lot more accepting of yourself and other people. And it sounds like, okay, sure, fine.

Speaker 4 Before you click off, hold on a fucking second. Living by your own approval means you're operating off of your morals, your values, and your own integrity.

Speaker 4 Also, you're not living by other people's limitations.

Speaker 4 What you think you can do, your own assessment, and your own approval for what you're going to take on comes from you, your experience, what you feel and what you feel capable of.

Speaker 4 You're not over here living by other people's limitations of what they can't do, what they would be scared to do that they're going to project onto you when you go and try and do it.

Speaker 4 Like I said, your state of normal now is higher functioning than a lot of people.

Speaker 4 And when you try and go do things after you've hit this new little like self-governing level and you've got all the skills I'm talking about in this episode, people are going to look at you when you say you want to do something and they're going to project all their shit onto you of like, oh my God, no, it's scary.

Speaker 4 How can you do that? They're going to see all the work and the effort it's going to take. For them, it's a lot of work and effort.
For you,

Speaker 4 not much. You know how to be disciplined.
You know how to make sure shit gets done. You know how to be accountable.
You know how to trust your own judgment.

Speaker 4 For other people who don't have these skills, they're not going to get it. They're not going to understand.
But you're living by your approval now.

Speaker 4 You don't need anyone's blessing or anyone's approval to live by your own approval. You live by what you think, what you feel, and what you feel capable of.

Speaker 4 and that's how it should be but with that with being more accepting it kind of goes hand in hand because you get perspective around other people's limitations and yours and you also get perspective around what really matters With being more accepting, there's plenty of times you were by yourself and you were desperate as hell, just wanting someone to be there.

Speaker 4 You didn't care about skin color, weight,

Speaker 4 looks, or sexuality. none of it mattered.
A human would have sufficed. You'd have been happy with presents from anyone.

Speaker 4 You now know if you had any qualms about any of this before, or if you didn't, you now just have an even broader understanding of how none of that shit even matters.

Speaker 4 We're human beings at the end of the day. We need each other.

Speaker 4 And you now know the comfort you get can come from someone gay, can come from someone overweight or underweight, can come from someone of any skin color. We're all humans.

Speaker 4 And you're not the only one looking looking for connection that's the biggest thing i want to remind you of it's very very weird the mindset you get in when you're isolated you look around and you see everybody living life and seeming like they're fine everybody wants connection everybody's open to new friends and relationships and all kind of shit if they're single you should be open to a new relationship if you're in a relationship close your legs all right But I want to say it again.

Speaker 4 You're not the only one looking for connection. And now you don't have any limits around the connection you can have, but you also have confidence going forward.

Speaker 4 All the little shit you were worried about and insecure about doesn't matter.

Speaker 4 Anything you're worried about that you feel like is wrong or off or bad about you or shameful, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 4 You have perspective around what actually difficult is, what actually hard is, but you also have perspective around what matters. And it's just connection and presence from a human being.

Speaker 4 No one really gives a shit if you haven't got your hair cut in a few days. Me right now.
I have a little extra hair than usual, like a fucking tennis ball.

Speaker 4 You don't have to worry about these things anymore because you now feel

Speaker 4 how not important they really are. They used to be the biggest thing to you.
Now, you don't really care and you shouldn't care. And it's not that big of a fucking deal.

Speaker 4 Change whatever you want to change. I'm always a big promoter of that, of like always change what you want to change.
If you don't like something, fix it, whatever.

Speaker 4 But you now no longer have an excuse to hold yourself back from people and hold yourself back from connection by saying, oh, this, this, and this is bad. It makes me insecure.

Speaker 4 Your insecurities can't stop you no more. That's the biggest thing you got set free from is your insecurities stopping you.
It doesn't even feel comfortable to think about them anymore. I know it.

Speaker 4 I see you. You're now at a place where you have so much perspective.
You don't give a shit. You know what really matters.
And when I talk about the contrast thing, my hair,

Speaker 4 the situation with my hair and when I shaved it a couple of years ago and I've shaved it every week since, is I was so busy doing so much stuff that dealing with trying to find barbers and set up appointments and go travel to the appointment and go spend time doing all that my hair just got to a point it was such an inconvenience it was such a worry in my head and every day I was so like just conscious of it it took up too much mental real estate and it was too much of an inconvenience to upkeep so I was like okay let's just get rid of it and just shave it so I can be more optimal.

Speaker 4 Mental space is cleared up. And also I could focus on what I need to focus on.

Speaker 4 Before I was busy, before I was alone, before I was actually working on shit and cared about my peace, I was so concerned with my hair. I was so worried about it.
All the time, I just removed it.

Speaker 4 But having the things going on that I was doing at the time that made it urgent and put it into perspective, how small of a thing that was to give a fuck about, it's hair, girl.

Speaker 4 Shave it if it's that much of an inconvenience. And I did.
And I don't regret it. And I love it.
And I've shaved it every week since, like I said. But that's the biggest thing.
You got the contrast.

Speaker 4 You know what actually is important. You know what's important, what's not.

Speaker 4 And when you have so many things you're working on, like the first day after I shaved it, walking around in public, I felt so like off. I was like, what the fuck?

Speaker 4 Like I could feel the wind on my head. I was like, ew, now I love it.
But walking around, I didn't have time to be insecure.

Speaker 4 I was going to the gym and running my errands and working and doing what I had to do. And I didn't even give my hair two thoughts.
Okay, I'm bald. So what?

Speaker 4 And I did cut it way too short the first time.

Speaker 4 i was like neck and mole rat bald but living on my own for the first time being in a whole new city when i moved to houston when i was doing this whole period of shaving my head there was so much more going on i didn't even have time to entertain this little insecurity and i got so much clarity around how small it really is that's the biggest thing here so if you made it to this point loneliness no longer gets to fuck with you and no longer gets to be a painful thing and it's not something that has to limit you anymore come to this video anytime you need it and hear me in the back of your head whenever you have a worry or a doubt or anything going on remember who the fuck you are and remember who the fuck you are now that i've pointed it out you're way much more better much more sickening much more strong much more everything than you thought like i said i will leave the link to my tour tickets in the description and i will also leave all my social media and everything else you need from me if you enjoyed this video and you're watching it on youtube hit the thumbs up hit the subscribe button and if you're listening to the audio version on apple podcast and spotify leave me a five stars rating.

Speaker 4 Thank you so much. Love you.
But that's all I got for this week's episode. Everybody, be safe, take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.