The Island Bullies Are Back

Speaker 1 Tito's handmade vodka is America's favorite vodka for a reason.

Speaker 1 From the first legal distillery in Texas, Tito's is six times distilled till it's just right and naturally gluten-free, making it a high-quality spirit that mixes with just about anything.

Speaker 1 From the smoothest martinis to the best Bloody Marys, Tito's is known for giving back, teaming up with nonprofits to serve its communities, and do good for dogs. Make your next cocktail with Tito's.

Speaker 1 Distilled and bottled by Fifth Generation Inc., Austin, Texas. 40% alcohol by volume.
Savor responsibly.

Speaker 2 Hey, guys, we have new merch. Check it out.
These t-shirts. Oh my God.
The best we've ever done, I think. This is incredible.
This design is my favorite so far. These hats.
We have these shirts.

Speaker 2 And these hats. And this is like the thank you bags that you get, which we love so much.
And it's got some stuff down below for you to read when you get them. You'll see.
You'll love it.

Speaker 2 So go check at badfriendsmerch.com. Go to badfriendsmerch.com to get this gear, these hats, these shirts, and

Speaker 2 socks for your feet.

Speaker 2 Get these right now at badfriendsmerch.com.

Speaker 1 You two are

Speaker 2 I mean I don't want to use World War II references, please but above my refrigerator on the top of my refrigerator, you know what I call it Oshawitz

Speaker 2 Dude, why there's 93 I'm not kidding you, I have 93 traps the hotels, yeah, the little mouse trap, yeah, yeah. And I go oh, you mean the ant trap?

Speaker 2 The little ant traps, the ant traps, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have 90, 94, 93 of them in there, right? And how many ants have you caught? 6 million? No, about eight.

Speaker 2 No. I've caught thousands of them.
And what?

Speaker 2 6 million is a funny joke. Oh, God damn it.

Speaker 2 God damn.

Speaker 2 I missed the joke. I missed the joke, dude.
That joke was so good.

Speaker 2 6 million, yeah, yeah. How many ants are you good? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what? Here, if we redid the joke, I would have said, God damn, that was good. I would have said, how many ants did you catch? Six million?

Speaker 2 And you would have said, that's what they say.

Speaker 2 I know, I know, I know, but I didn't even. It's all good.
Get it. I'm so sorry.
That's how good you are. No, I'm not good.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
So, no,

Speaker 2 I was being literal about it. I got you.
I know. You know what I mean? So, probably thousands.
Is there food up there?

Speaker 2 Well, apparently what happens in the summer is it gets so hot. They have to come inside.
They have to come inside. I know.
I got spiders all over my house. Spiders the same way?

Speaker 2 And the dog catches the spiders. And this is the funniest part.
She's sick. She's sick.
She plays with them. She doesn't kill them right away.

Speaker 2 She pushes them in the corner with her nose and keeps them in there. Right.
Like a maniac. And then I'll come over and be like, What are you doing? What are you doing? And then she's like,

Speaker 2 and she'll look, and the spider will be like, I don't know what it's about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She pushes it up against the wall and she waits for me to get there. Then she kills it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's kind of tight. I like that little hunter mentality, dude.
You know what I like to do? What? When I'm taking a bath, sometimes I'll get a spider.

Speaker 2 And I talk. I go, you want to go swimming about?

Speaker 2 Right? But they can't swim. No, they can't.
When you're taking a a bath, do you ever see bugs? Oh, what do you mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's where they, they love, because there's the pipes, the water, all that. They love all that stuff.
Yeah. I used to think putting a spider down the drain or down the like in the toilet kills it.

Speaker 2 I've seen spiders come right back up. I'm not even kidding.
I've seen a spider come right back up. You know what I did once? And this is when I was born.
And I think my Xbox is broken, right?

Speaker 2 But check this out, dude. Wait, what do you mean it's broken? It was, this is when this, the very first Xbox broke when I had like 15, 20 years ago.
What's it called? The Red Ring of Death?

Speaker 2 Is that what it is? Yeah, it was the Red Ring of Death. Do you remember, right? I remember that.
So I had nothing to do during the day. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And so I stared at a, you know, a scout ant.

Speaker 2 A scout ant? Yeah. I don't know what that is.
So sometimes I think that's, I mean, I'm not a. Oh, they send him in early, huh? Right.
So there's a guy they send. It's like our Carlos.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And go, go see.
Go check it out. Go check it out.
Yeah. So whenever, sometimes you'll see like an ant by itself.
You know what I mean? You know, go just

Speaker 2 by himself. It's crazy.
Imagine, dude, imagine being and then seeing someone, you know, a human, this gigantic mountain thing.

Speaker 2 Right? So I saw an aunt grab a cracker. Like a full-size cracker? No, it was like a chunk of a cracker.
But you know what I mean? He's like, I'm going to bring this to the village.

Speaker 2 So from the kitchen, I tracked him. I let him carry it for a long time.
That's nice of you. Right? All the way to the living room, which probably took about two hours.
Right.

Speaker 2 I scooped him back up and I made him start over.

Speaker 2 I made him start over

Speaker 2 he you know yeah what

Speaker 2 the fuck dude that's the ant

Speaker 2 and i let him do it again yeah you're not you got to teach him a lesson you got to teach him a lesson you can't just crush them people's attitudes to his bugs wide but uh harming or killing bugs uh important to find strong disapproval of such actions find him cruel and unethical even concerning psychological tendencies in children undeveloped empathy and psychopathic behavior

Speaker 2 what do you think what you're trying to tell tell me is this:

Speaker 2 when Dahmer was a kid,

Speaker 2 that was in the movie, right? That was it. I hit a bag of bones, right?

Speaker 2 If I hit a bag of ants, it would be the same sick sign. Pretty close.
I don't think so. Well, it's near.
I don't. If I had a jar of dead ants, I don't think it's the same as bones.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute, dude. You have a whole jar of ants? Yeah, that's crazy.
That's even crazier. How many are in the jar?

Speaker 2 Six million. Six million.

Speaker 2 I have an Auschwitz of ants.

Speaker 2 So what you're saying to me right now is if you had a son,

Speaker 2 I'm your sickhead. You are my sick.
Yeah, I was in the backyard.

Speaker 2 Hey, buddy, what were you doing out back?

Speaker 2 Nothing. Nothing? It seems like you have stuff in your hands in your pockets.
What is that? Nothing. No, show me your hands, bud.
I want to see.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Is that...

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 That's a bunch of dead grasshoppers? Yeah. What are you doing? Why do you have so many? What are you doing? I like to pluck the wings.
You pluck the wings off the grasshoppers?

Speaker 2 Yeah, and then they're still alive when I poke the wings. Oh, my God.
And you know what they do? What?

Speaker 2 They get hurt themselves. And you like this? Feel good.

Speaker 2 I get hard when I do that. Well, I'm glad I'm divorcing your mom.
Anyway, I pluck the wing. Uh-huh.
Right? And then what I do is I take a stick. Yeah.
A little teeny stick. I got eye die.

Speaker 2 You poke out their eyes. I poke eye out, right? You know what I do? Then they go swirly.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Because they don't know what's going on, so they go in a circle.

Speaker 2 Hello, adoption agency. You would do that.
We want to give him back. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What would you do this? Because you're my adopted son, obviously. Obviously, in this scenario, yes.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 What about this? When they adopt a kid from Russia, this has happened.

Speaker 2 And you know, you know, Russian kids. Crazy.
I don't know, maybe.

Speaker 2 Gotta be. Knife work.
Knife work. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 They know how to do that. They do.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What is that? What is that called? Yeah, Yeah, I like that. The blade butterfly knife.
What? The butterfly knife. They can do that.
That's.

Speaker 2 Dude, watch this. Do Google a kid with a butterfly knife.
I guarantee he's a Russian kid who knows how to do it. Yeah.
100%.

Speaker 2 If you adopt a Russian kid who can butterfly knife.

Speaker 2 Right. Or the daddy, you want to play a game? And then you know that

Speaker 2 that right? Like rumoring aliens? Was it aliens? Aliens. And they let the

Speaker 2 robot. Look at this.
There's a little Russian girl right now. Right.
Obviously playing with a butterfly knife. Yeah.
And her dad is like, very good girl. Very good girl.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You still have to learn.
Yeah. So if you had a Russian kid, he was doing some shady shit.
Oh, yeah. He is three years old, adopted him from Russia.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like you wake up one night, right? And he's just standing over you with a fucking butterfly knife and for some reason a spatula, right? Good morning, Daddy. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Or, you know, what would you, would you, what would it take for you to go back to Russia? It would make a good fight scene for sure out of me and the kid. I mean, I'd have to fight him.

Speaker 2 He's obviously instigating a fight.

Speaker 2 Then butterfly knife and the spatula is either going to cook me something or we're going to fight. Yeah, I made spaghetti, Daddy.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Do you want fast enough for me? No, you're going back, dude. Really? We're putting you back on the boat.
Yeah, I think I don't know how. Well, that would really traumatize the kid.

Speaker 2 He traumatized me. I know.
I don't need that. But can't you change him? No, dude.
That's what they say. And then Dahmer's dad was like, we can't believe he was boiling body.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's right. But they acted like they didn't know it was coming the whole time.
Right. That's what you do.
You cannot change that. Back on the boat.

Speaker 2 There's a lot of signs, you know what I mean? And I get it like if you're emo.

Speaker 2 Emo's different than psychotic. Emo's different than psychotic.
For sure. But what I'm saying is one of the signs, probably, because I've never had children.
Right.

Speaker 2 But if your son doesn't have any friends, like, okay, so I'm your son.

Speaker 2 I have no friends, dog. Well, let's get you some friends, buddy.
I don't want friends. I want to stay in the room forever, dog.
Okay, what are you doing in the room, though? What?

Speaker 2 Why are you a little bit?

Speaker 2 I'm plucking fucking caterpillar wings dad poking their eyes out brah all right well all right what do you mean all right dad comedy guy oh man yeah oh man what you know what i mean what kind of dude you know what ron howard had a better career than you dad yeah he did yeah in terms of redheads he's the top redhead well i agree yeah you know what dad fuck you you know what dad i have red hair too because of the genetic code i can't get any pussy dad because of your fucking bullshit well that's your fault no it's your fault too dad because you gave me the red hair you freak i'll kill you

Speaker 2 That's who I'm going to. I snapped.
That lasted five seconds. That's what I'm trying to get to.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, look at the behavioral traits of kids who might be psychotic.
People who have cruelty to animals. Fascination with fire.
Ooh, that one me for sure. Ooh, that's a good one.

Speaker 2 Persistent bedwitting. That's bedwetting.
That's me. I still do that.
Antisocial behavior. That's...
What's an antisocial behavior? You don't want to go talk to people.

Speaker 2 You don't want to be around people. No, that's not us.
Okay, that's not us. Manipulative or deceitful behavior? That's us.
Yeah. That's me too.
Yeah, you manipulate. You're the king manipulator.

Speaker 2 Lack of empathy. I have empathy.
Empathy and remorse. We have that.
We have that. All right.
Aggression and violence. Me, spades.
Not me. Fascination with violence and death.
That's more you than me.

Speaker 2 Well, I liked ballerina last night. I saw that.
That was pretty violent. Was it? What? It was violent? You don't know what ballerina is? What is ballerina? Well, let me explain it to you.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's John Wick. So, what they're trying to do is try to expand the franchise.
Oh, God. I couldn't even get to the last one.
It flopped. It was so bad.
It was, you know what?

Speaker 2 There was some disconnection.

Speaker 2 I don't think it was directed well. But the last one wasn't good either.
I tried to watch it, it was so bad. Oh, so they're having this girl.
Who is that girl? Anna Adams.

Speaker 2 She plays the ballerina. Yeah.
This movie didn't do well. She's huge.
She's great in it, too. She's so.

Speaker 2 You know, here's what's sad about Ballerina, okay?

Speaker 2 I'm not a fucking film critic.

Speaker 2 We are kind of. Yeah, we are kind of.
But when you're watching her, you know, she's trying so hard to be.

Speaker 2 I mean, look at, she's doing all the John Wick shit. Yeah.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Getting thrown over cabinets. You know what I mean? I mean, doing...
So she's doing her own stunts there. Oh, yeah.
And she's doing it,

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 you're saying, I wish this was a better movie for you because you are doing such hard work. She's busting ass.
Busting your fucking ass. 106 million worldwide.
I got to be honest with you.

Speaker 2 I bet you the budget wasn't that high. Oh, my God.
It had to be a $100 million movie. No way.
Was it that visually stunning? It had to be. The stunts and all that.

Speaker 2 Because the John Wick history traditional

Speaker 2 $80 million. To a $90 million.
Yeah. It had to have been.
Okay, because look at the John Wick franchise as a whole, they started that whole thing with such low budget, nothing.

Speaker 2 It was like 10, 20 million or something. Obo Yaga.
Opu Gayaga.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you, that's...

Speaker 2 By the way, I watched the worst documentary of all time last night. Let me guess what it is.
What a waste of time.

Speaker 2 Can I guess the topic? Go ahead. Trending on Netflix.
Oh, I know what it is. What? What do I get if I guess it? Give anything you want.
What do you want? Poop cruise. That was poop cruise.

Speaker 2 Is that really? 100%. Yeah, yeah.
I couldn't get past the first 15-minute stock. It sucked.
Yeah, yeah. By the way, they made a five-second story.
They made it a fucking hour movie. It stinks.

Speaker 2 It stinks. And they should have told it from different perspectives.
They got like the most, the least entertaining people to talk about it. Get some weirdos.
Get some weirdos that were on the boat.

Speaker 2 I want the guy. They have people being like, it was out of control.
There's poop coming out of the dreams. No, I want the guy who's like, I'm the one that made the tents and I was collecting poop.

Speaker 2 I want that guy in the documentary. Where's the weirdo? But was he on the boat? You tell me there's not one of those guys on a fucking carnival cruise line?

Speaker 2 Okay, anybody that goes on these things, first of all, is a maniac. You know, there's lifers.
They go on these things. There's people that stay on cruises.
They just go cruise to cruise.

Speaker 2 When you ever see a TikTok with Carnival Cruise and I look at the pool party, it seems like a nightmare. Number one, I'll tell you what.
It looks insane. At sea, too many people.
Way too many people.

Speaker 2 Right? Music's not my thing. That kind of music.
Because it's constant. Everywhere you go, it's.
Give me the loot. Give me the loot.
I don't know what they're playing. I do love it.

Speaker 2 I don't know what they're playing. I do love that.
Something like Biggie or something. I love Give me the Lot.
I love Give me the Lut, the Bissog. No, they're playing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but on a boat, I don't want to hear hear it. Give me the loot.
Give me the loot. You know, I don't want to hear it.
Right? Because it's like, I'm not, I've never done that. You don't do that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never, you know, give me the loot.
I've never done that. Now, if it was Portis Head, you'd be into it.
Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah.
Well, you know what?

Speaker 2 Mazzy Star. Fine.
Mazzy Star is great.

Speaker 2 Or whatever, right? Well, that's a suicidal song on a boat. Wouldn't be good.
I know, but still, I could cut with myself with my email friend. You know what I mean? So it's the music.
Too many people.

Speaker 2 Give me another reason why you wouldn't go on that cruise. Well, buffets, you know, give me the creeps.
I have, I'm germaphobic. I think buffet to me is nightmare.
Everyone's

Speaker 2 fucking in the shit.

Speaker 2 Fuck that. No, thank you.
Also, also,

Speaker 2 there is something to be said about unlimited booze and booze available

Speaker 2 in a trapped environment.

Speaker 2 Yeah, hallelujah, dude. Give me something.

Speaker 2 Can I go back to the buffet? Sure. Never trust a buffet without a glass paneling.
Oh, bro. Bro.
If there's no glass paneling, forget it. And guess what?

Speaker 2 Who's the fucker that has to clean that fucking thing? Bro. Oh, gross.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. You know what I mean? It's people's breath.
Yeah, it's

Speaker 2 breaths and snot and hands and fingers. Yeah, it's gross.
All right, here's another thing. I don't think that I'd be able to sleep well.
In on a boat.

Speaker 2 Because you'd have to pay extra to get a can you get a window room? I think they're all window rooms, right? There's no inland room? I would imagine. Why would there be? How could there be?

Speaker 2 They all have to be on the outside of the boat. I would need a window.
Uh-huh. Stop it.
Is the shower water, even without like, is the shower water good? It's filtered clean water.

Speaker 2 You can't, it's non-potable. Thank you.
So you can't drink it, but you can shower with it.

Speaker 2 Why is that? I want to shower in water that I can drink. I totally agree.
I totally agree. Don't you, like, I want to.
I can't put it in my body, but I could put it outside my body.

Speaker 2 And by the way, this, it gets in my body when it's pours. Yeah, it's on my skin.
Yeah, I want Fiji water for shower water. Yeah, 100%.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It contains bacterias, viruses, chemicals. So yeah,

Speaker 2 no, you can't drink it. But also, I don't trust that they're not recycling water.
How do you know? How do I know? Yeah, you don't know. And you would never know.
You never know.

Speaker 2 Even the fucking water filter I have at my house, sometimes I don't know. Oh, I think it's bullshit.
I think it's bullshit.

Speaker 2 We have filtered water at the house, too, and I'm like, this didn't do anything. This has high-tech technology, fine filters.
Now, if you use idiom and idiom, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And all these fucking things I don't even understand. And by the way, idiom and idiom.

Speaker 2 How well do they work? Yeah. Edium and idium.

Speaker 2 But so here's another thing.

Speaker 2 Activities. So.
you're not doing any of those. Well, let's just throw them out.
I've never been on a cruise, but I assume pool activities is one. Pool all day.

Speaker 2 Okay, number two, is there a movie theater? There is a huge movie theater and a huge performance theater where comedians and musicians and people go to perform.

Speaker 2 Drop it. But what are they playing in the movie theater? You know what they're playing.
What? What? What are they playing?

Speaker 2 What are they playing? What are they playing? I'm asking you, kind of.

Speaker 2 I've never been on a cruise. I've never fucking.
I've never been on a cruise. So what do you think? Okay, I'm on a boat.
Yeah. Honey? Hi.
Let's go into the movie theater. What's playing?

Speaker 2 Hi, welcome to the movie theater. We have three films available.
Which one would you like to see? You sing to me? Yes. Oh.
We have three films there. Which one would you like to see?

Speaker 2 Let me just read it. Medea.

Speaker 2 Medea showing in 10 minutes. Yeah, in 10 minutes? Yeah.
What is Medea?

Speaker 2 It's a beautiful, it's a beautiful heartfelt story, a family story. Yeah.
About a woman and her extended family. Yeah, no, thank you.
Okay.

Speaker 2 That's pretty much... Is it a comedy? It's a comedy.
Yeah. Who is Madea? Who plays Medea? Tyler Perry.
Tyler Perry. Yes.
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 What's another movie that you have here? Oh, we have Soul Plane.

Speaker 2 Soul Plane, what is that?

Speaker 2 It's Dog and some friends are on, and Cat Williams, they're on a plane to. Can I ask you another question? Sure.
Is Tyler Perry. Is that what you said? Tyler Perry.
Yeah, yeah. Is he black? He is.

Speaker 2 Okay, I didn't know. Is that okay? It's not completely fancy.
I would hope so. Big Denzel fan.
We don't have any Denzel movies. What's the third movie?

Speaker 2 I think you can see what the third movie is.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 Amistad. No.

Speaker 2 Amistad. Is that about a boat? It is about a boat.
Good. Do you have Titanic? Because I like white boat.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 We found that that tested negative with the people on a cruise. With the people on cruise? Okay.
So there's movies. What else is there? Is there darts? Like, what else happened? Shuffleboard.

Speaker 2 There's also water slides, they said. And then people really get off on the casino.
It's a fucking floating casino. Oh, it's a casino.
Yeah, it's another way for people to lose their mortgage.

Speaker 2 Can you smoke inside the casino, you think? You better believe it. Okay, good.
It's a boat. You can do whatever the fuck you want.
Maritime Law, baby. You can have as much fun as possible.

Speaker 2 Look, there's a Punchliner comedy club. There's an IMAX theater.
You can play Deal or No Deal Live. Wow.
Drive-in movies. Oh, dive-in movies.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Karaoke, Nightmare, Piano Bar, Live Music, a Nightclub. Yeah.
A sports bar. And then

Speaker 2 a fancy, what does that say? Go ahead. That's in your stuff.
Blanca de Blanc. Blanc de Blanc.
Blanc de Blanc. It's a dazzling performance version.
So what is this? Is that Carnival's website?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's their activity. Okay, so I want to ask you this.
God, no thanks, man. Sometimes, you know, I'll run into a comic I haven't seen in a very long time.

Speaker 2 Did it just happen to you? No, just generally, sometimes you just run into a guy like, oh, so-and-so. Yeah, I saw a guy.
I haven't seen you in 20 years or whatever. I literally just saw it.

Speaker 2 Do you know who Tarun Shetty is? Love Tarun. Yeah, I just ran into him, man.
I haven't seen him in a long, long time. And then they go, yeah, I've been doing the cruises,

Speaker 2 that thing. Oh, when they tell you they Oh, right.

Speaker 2 They've been gone because that's how they make it, which is a great, a cruise doing stand-up on a cruise. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Would you do it?

Speaker 2 I mean, because I've never been offered it. Let me tell you something.
Let me just say something. When this show's over and we aren't on this show anymore,

Speaker 2 we might have to cruise.

Speaker 2 I have nothing against it. We might be cruising.
They might be bad friends at sea.

Speaker 2 We could do that because Chelsea Lynn does it. I think the Workaholic Boys are doing it.
They are doing it.

Speaker 2 Bert's done it, a cruise. Yeah, they all do cruises.
No, what I'm saying is just you as a stand-up getting hired. I know what you're doing.
I know what you're doing. What am I doing?

Speaker 2 You're saying that my career is headed in the path that I will be a cruiser. You're a movie star, and that's insane.
Please, dude. I'm not even a TV star.
You got something coming. I can feel it.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I made some calls, but my point is. Okay, dude.
All right. But what I'm saying is that

Speaker 2 could. No, I don't know if I could do it.
I don't know if I have the material for it. I don't know if I have to.
That's really what it is. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It would kill my soul to eat shit on a boat and then not be able to leave.

Speaker 2 When you bomb. Am I bomb and then I have to go to 41C, my bunk? Rough.
I have to eat shit and then walk past people to my bunk. I've lived that life.
It hurts.

Speaker 2 When you fucking eat shit at a bad room, and then you're like, I'll be in the back sitting at a table eating chicken wings

Speaker 2 Until I have to go, until my ride takes me back to the hotel. Like that.
I mean, I bomb, and then I'm up there in the pop bunk. Oh my God.
And your opener's in there too? Yeah. We have to chat it out.

Speaker 2 And he's like, I killed. You're like, oh.
I know, I saw you. I used to play Heroes in Vegas and used to do 16 shows in a week.
That's fucking Monday through Sunday. Ridiculous.

Speaker 2 So one time I had really, really like, it was eight people.

Speaker 2 So people that don't know, what happens is when you don't have a name and you're doing a club like Heroes in Vegas, they don't care who it is. No, they're just giving us just free tickets.

Speaker 2 Yeah, free tickets. People show up.
They don't know who the fuck you are. Which is why we're so grateful for the fans.
So grateful. If God come see us, keep cooking.

Speaker 2 So we don't have to go back to Paris and do 19 shows. Yeah.
So I had one particular, it was like seven people in a 200-seat room.

Speaker 2 I bumped so hard.

Speaker 2 You cannot kill with seven people. I went to the Girardinas.
Is that what it's called? The ice cream place?

Speaker 2 Giraldes? Giraldes? Giraldis. No, no, no.
Girardelli. Girardelli.
Girardelli. Yeah.
Thank you. Well, the fucking foreigner got it.
Yeah. Girardelli ice cream place.
I got a Sunday after the show.

Speaker 2 That's kind of a nice reward. Right.
But the two people that went to the seven of the seven, right? And the guy goes to me, yo, nice try.

Speaker 2 That's so funny. It's not, you were funny.
It's not, you know what I mean? You're pretty good.

Speaker 2 Like, he

Speaker 2 acknowledged my attempt.

Speaker 2 A guy shook my hand one time. I think I was was in,

Speaker 2 God, I want to say, I want to say

Speaker 2 not Portland, but I was in the Northwest somewhere. And I don't remember where I was because I was all

Speaker 2 broken on the road. Tacoma.
Yeah, it could have been Tacoma. It was up in the Northwest somewhere, but I was broken on the road.
And a guy said, and I had such a fucking mid-ass bullshit set.

Speaker 2 And he shook my hand and smiled. Very nice because I was saying hi to people on the way out.

Speaker 2 I used to do that a lot, you know, because you just wanted to say thanks for coming. Sure.
And the guy goes, keep swinging.

Speaker 2 Keep swinging. And by the way, it's not even that mean.
It's just perfect. It's perfect.
It's like saying,

Speaker 2 you'll hit the, you'll, come on, you're doing it. You're all right.
You'll be,

Speaker 2 you know, don't worry about that. Keep.
Keep swinging. Which means that you struck out.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, I see it now that you struck out. He's saying, batter out.
Get back in the battery.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.

Speaker 2 Factor. Summer is here, baby.
More sun, more light, more time to do all the things that make summer so special.

Speaker 2 And the number one thing you don't want to be doing all summer, spending hours cooking inside, right, Andrew? That's right. I don't want to be indoors, man.
That's where the factor comes in.

Speaker 2 Factor's chef-crafted, dietitian-approved meals are ready in just two minutes. That's as long as Bobby laughs in the bedroom, taking the hassle out of eating well.

Speaker 2 Factor powers your day, sun up to sundown, with nutritious breakfasts, on-the-go lunches, premium dinners, and guilt-free snacks and desserts. Factor has your whole day covered.

Speaker 2 Look at Bob and I are on the road a lot. A lot of times we're on the go, and Factor, thank you to them.
They sent us a bunch of meals. They are delicious.

Speaker 2 And I got to tell you, they're so quick and easy to get in and get going with your day.

Speaker 2 Get started at factormeals.com/slash bad friends50 off and use code bad friends50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.

Speaker 2 That's code badfriends50off at factormeals.com slash bad friends50 off for 50% off plus free shipping. Factor meals.com slash bad friends50 off.
Shopify. Shopify.

Speaker 2 Look, guys, if you have an online business, i don't know if we do i don't know what you're doing if you're not using shopify um when you think about businesses andrew yeah that are selling through the roof like aloe or albert or skims what do you think of a pretty good product i guess good product but you think of shopify no oh that's what i think of the most though yeah exactly dude because that is honestly the secret behind business because businesses that use shopify they are winning.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That means way less carts are going abandoned and way more sales going.
Cha-ching up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.

Speaker 2 So, if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere else in between, my friend.

Speaker 2 Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify, and the secret's out. It's not so secret.
Businesses that want to grow, grow with Shopify, like ours.

Speaker 2 Upgrade your business to get the same checkout that All Birds and Skims uses today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com/slash bad friends, all lowercase.

Speaker 2 Go to shopify.com/slash lowercase bad friends to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash badfriends.
Bad friends.

Speaker 2 Chime. You know, when I was younger,

Speaker 2 I was terrible at banking. I was confused.
So bad. Get overdraft charges.
Yeah, I just didn't know how to handle my money. I didn't know how to manage it.
And also, no one was there to help.

Speaker 2 But Chime understands that every dollar counts.

Speaker 2 That's why when you set up direct deposit through Chime, you get access to fee-free features like overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and much more, which definitely would have helped me when I was doing my PA jobs back in the day.

Speaker 2 Also, with qualifying direct deposits, you are eligible for free overdraft up to $200 or debit card purchases and cash withdrawal. You can learn more about it at chime.com slash bad friend.

Speaker 2 To date, Chime has spotted members over $30 billion, right? You need a little bit of help. You need a little money quicker than normal because something pops up.
It always does.

Speaker 2 You open up a check-in account. with zero monthly fees and no maintenance fees, and you got access to over 47,000 fee-free ATMs.
That's more than the top three national banks combined.

Speaker 2 All those ATMs are there for you to use, and don't get clipped. You got to try QIIME.
Chime. Work on your financial goals through Chime today.

Speaker 2 Open an account in two minutes at chime.com/slash bad friends. That's chime.com/slash bad friends.
Chime, feel like progress.

Speaker 3 Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bankor Bank NA or Stripe Bank NA, members FDIC.

Speaker 3 Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission payment file.
Fees apply at out of network ATMs, bank ranking, and number of ATMs, according to U.S.

Speaker 3 News and World Record 2023. Chime, checking account required.

Speaker 2 Keep swinging is

Speaker 2 a really good one. Shout out to that guy.
That stayed with me for 12 years. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Pretty funny hurts too. You were pretty funny.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Pretty funny.
I don't like. It's mean when they go, when they say it like a surprise, when they go, you were pretty funny.
Like it blew their mind. Oh, I think that's worse.

Speaker 2 When they saw you leave. Yeah, you were actually funny.
That's fucking.

Speaker 2 He knows. That's so mean.
Yeah. Or, yeah, you really want to get under a comedian's skin.
Yeah. Fans, go up to the headliner, shake his or her hand and go,

Speaker 2 dude, funny, funny stuff. I loved the guy before you.
That will fuck them up in a way. It's irreparable damage.
But say it real, go, God, I love that guy right before you.

Speaker 2 Say his name again. Say their name again.
Make the headliner tell you the other person.

Speaker 2 That kills a headliner so much. I'll tell you what's going on.
It's the meanest thing.

Speaker 2 Same thing. If you see the opener with the headler standing next to each other.
This I know. This is crazy.
Go to the opener and go, you should headline. No, God, it's so funny.

Speaker 2 You should have been the headliner, right?

Speaker 2 That will destroy every ounce of fucking joy inside your heart. It hurts so fucking bad.
Hey, it's happened to all of us, dude. It's happened to us.
We've been on both sides of the fence.

Speaker 2 Both sides of the fence. That's like what I told you.

Speaker 2 That story where I love the national. I followed them from the beginning.
I saw them in small shows. Then we saw them open the Hollywood Bowl for REM.

Speaker 2 And my wife hates REM so much, we left after the National. We paid for REM's tickets to watch the opening act.

Speaker 2 Your wife hates REM. That's very annoying to me.
Loates R.E.M. That's the most annoying thing I've ever heard.
Let me tell you something. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I never cared.

Speaker 2 I always thought, whatever, REM's fine. They're not a favorite of mine.
I don't listen to them. Oh, my God.
But now, because of her hate, I've also found out why she hates them.

Speaker 2 Can I guess? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let me think.

Speaker 2 Too white. Like in a generic college role.
It's too college-y, white, whiny guy. Right.
It's whiny white guy. She hates whiny white guys.

Speaker 2 Look at this fucking band. That's what,

Speaker 2 look at their fucking faces. Mike Mills.
Mike Mills is the one in the glasses. Brother.
He is the whitest of the whites. Right.
That's whiter than me. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But Peter Buck, the guy to the far left, right? What do you think of... I like white dudes like that.
Yeah, but he doesn't belong. Which one of these things doesn't belong? Peter Buck?

Speaker 2 He does not belong. Okay, that's the guy to the left.
What do you think of Michael Stipe?

Speaker 2 I think he's a brilliant songwriter. He is.
I like his voice too. Just don't care.
Okay. That's insane.
I think the song is. I mean, automatic for people.

Speaker 2 There's just so many great albums that they've done that it's like, I just, when, when, when I heard your wife just now doesn't like R.E.M., it really kind of shocked me. Here's why.

Speaker 2 It's one of the greatest bands of all time, I think. I disagree.
Do you know what this? They'll never go up there as the greatest, one of the greatest bands.

Speaker 2 They are, they are, he's a brilliant songwriter. Are you out of your fucking mind?

Speaker 2 No one names R.E.M. as one of the greatest bands.
And you'll never listen to their albums again once you've done with them.

Speaker 2 How do you fucking listen to it all the time now? No, you don't. Evils of the Reconstruction.
I know the albums. Let me say something.

Speaker 2 Give me your spotify and prove to me that you listened to them recently okay liar

Speaker 2 i mean how do you i don't have some but i can know apple music i can do what are you my dad yeah right even download it let's see if you because when you download a song that means you really like it sure is it downloaded so let's see this is downloaded right yeah click on i'm gonna go to artist i don't think i have it

Speaker 2 i hope oh look

Speaker 2 downloaded no

Speaker 2 that's just on that's that's the live stop no that's not downloaded look at the top give it to me yeah yeah

Speaker 2 and you know when when it's downloaded, press the REM.

Speaker 2 It has that little white dot. It means it's downloaded under my phone.
Automatic for the people. All you have is one song, Night Swimming.
One song. Okay.
One song. Yeah.
And on.

Speaker 2 Now go to my non-dot. And you have one song on the other album.
One dot. There it is.
Driver 8.

Speaker 2 Give it to me. Two songs.
He loves it.

Speaker 2 Downloaded it. Download it.
Let's go back to now. Oh.

Speaker 2 Let's go back to just library now. Lord, please, please.

Speaker 2 Let me improve apart.

Speaker 2 In the way that you hate.

Speaker 2 Give me the loot. Give me the loot.
I hate REM. I love Pinky.
What are you talking about? No, you don't want to want to boast. I don't think he killed Tupac.
He didn't. Or his people.
Did he? Did? No.

Speaker 2 So, so the irony of going to an opening act for the record was so we could see the national because we love them. And I had to leave for R.E.M.
And I don't hate R.E.M.

Speaker 2 I think Michael's one of the best songwriters. I just don't fucking care.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's like. If If you believe.

Speaker 2 It could a man on the moon. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Man on the moon.

Speaker 2 What's the song about? If you believe. If you believe.
What's the song about? Been out there to see. The song is about who? Kaufman.
Andy Kaufman. I know, dude.
Unbelievable. Yeah, it's incredible.

Speaker 2 First time I've ever heard of, even before I even knew who Lenny Bruce is, I learned it from.

Speaker 2 Do you want me to drop the act?

Speaker 2 I like REM a lot. Do you really? Yeah, I do, dude.
Did you leave? Yeah, we left.

Speaker 2 Why did you leave? Because she didn't want to hear it. And you know how funny it was? I literally go, what if we stay for like two songs? Yeah, yeah.
I really would. Really? Yeah, I wanted to stay.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Of course, I wanted to fucking stay.
Yeah. I knew it would.
Dude, as soon as you told me that irked you, I was like, well, I'm going to dig as deep as I can.

Speaker 2 That was good because it was really getting me going. Because here's the thing.
I don't even know if I went to a show of a band that I really loved and if my significant other said, let's leave,

Speaker 2 I don't know if I could, I think that would be a deal breaker for me. It would hurt.
Yeah. Well, here was the deal.
We went for the national. Truly, I wanted to see the national.

Speaker 2 So that's really because I'd never seen them in that big of a venue. So we wanted to see that.
And then talk about a beautiful

Speaker 2 full circle. They played the Hollywood Bowl the next year solo headlining.

Speaker 2 And then I thought we should go see the opening band of that and leave before the national. Okay.
Who's opening his band of that? No, it was, it was a, it wasn't a fucking nobody.

Speaker 2 It was like a band where you're like, oh, they could sell

Speaker 2 tickets. Yeah.
Sometimes you need two bands to sell. Sometimes you need two bands to sell a lot of tickets.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but yeah, of course. I have no shame in it.
I get that. What do you mean? You and I?

Speaker 2 We love it together. Sometimes we're the killer combination.
Yeah, good combination. That's why we're doing London and Dublin together.
Yeah. And

Speaker 2 we can announce it. Saudi Arabia.
We're doing Saudi Arabia. We're doing the Riyadh Comedy Festival.
Yeah. But to me, that would be like

Speaker 2 the girl that I'm seeing now. She's like, let's watch Hamilton.
I didn't know anything about it. The play? Yeah.
It's a wait, the movie? Is it?

Speaker 2 A play. She goes,

Speaker 2 because I guess they're going to do.

Speaker 2 Okay, I feel so bad about this, dude. What?

Speaker 2 So she goes, she goes, well, in New York, the original cast is going to do like one show.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 And to be impressive, I go,

Speaker 2 I could maybe try to get tickets for that. Can you imagine how expensive that is? Guess what? What? I can't.

Speaker 2 That's what I found out. I have no power.
That's for me. I call people.
They're like, get the fuck out of here, dude. I go, oh, okay.
An impossible ticket.

Speaker 2 That's like for Bradley Cooper and whoever hot. That's what I'm saying.
I thought that maybe I could get a back row thing. Brother.
I know, brother. I don't know.
No. About Hamilton.

Speaker 2 Because here's what happens. They put in that show is going to be the coolest, hottest New York celebrities

Speaker 2 in the orchestra. Then in the top balcony, that will be people who used to be super famous, but are still cool and relevant.
Corey Feldman. What the fuck? I'm going to throw some names.

Speaker 2 You see if they get a kid to come or not. In the balcony? Yeah, in the balcony.
Say a name. I'll tell you if they're in orchestra, balcony, or upper deck.
This is a good deal. Or back, upper deck.

Speaker 2 Charlie's there on.

Speaker 2 Orchestra. That's good.
Orchestra. Oh, yeah.
The floor. They're on the floor.
Okay, Charlie. All right.

Speaker 2 Paulie Shore. Pulling tickets up front.

Speaker 2 Scalping tickets. He's a scalping tickets up front.
No, he's a ticket ripper. He's a ticket.
Oh, he's ticketed up tickets. Roe Ford, brother.
Okay.

Speaker 2 We love you, Paul. We love you.
Yeah, no, let's keep going. We wouldn't get in the fucking building, is the point.
Okay.

Speaker 2 What's that guy?

Speaker 2 What's that guy? guy obviously not in there

Speaker 2 if you have to say what's that guy yeah he's not inside harry styles orchestra orchestra by the way second row okay they want him in the shot of the reverse camera shot of of hamilton with harry right there that you know the picture that they want okay let's go um let's go to uh um sally fields i gotta be honest with you Balcony one.

Speaker 2 She's in the first balcony. Wow.
Here's what they pitch her. She goes, oh, I'd like to to be down in the orchestra.
And they go, Sally, it's kind of hard to see from down there.

Speaker 2 You might, because of your age. But I'm 4'9.
No, no, no. I'm saying.
Yeah, that's why you need to be elevated to see down to the stage. Oh, you're as a talent guy that works for Hamilton.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's really, oh, so I'm calling. Yeah, we'd be afraid.
I'm a public stage. We'd be afraid that you couldn't see the stage from over people.
So we'd want you elevated to look down.

Speaker 2 There's two balconies. You're in the prime.
You're in the middle one. You're in the best one.

Speaker 2 So, David Swimmer? David Schwimmer. Yeah, Schwimmer.
Yes, we do have a seat for David. Where is he sitting? He's in the second balcony.
Oh, second balcony? I think he's orchestra. You do?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think he's orchestra. He's actually in the second balcony and he's in the middle row.
He's in the dead center. So really, David Schwimmer would get that.
Dave, Dead Center, though. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He gets to see right down.

Speaker 2 Am I wrong? That's

Speaker 2 the second balcony. I have.

Speaker 2 Who else do you have on your team, on your roster there, Agent? What's your name again, Agent?

Speaker 2 Donovan Alejandro. Crisp.
Is that a new agent? Are you ready for this?

Speaker 2 Donovan Alejandro. Just call me Crisp.
Oh, Crispy. Dr.
Chris. Oh, I know Mr.
Chris. I'm a doctor.
Oh, Dr. Chris.
Yeah, but I also do publicists on the side. Publicity on the side.

Speaker 2 Damn, what happened to your fucking...

Speaker 2 What happened? And the doctor? What do you mean what happened?

Speaker 2 What kind of doctor were you? I was an orthopedic surgeon.

Speaker 2 Someone's heard me talk about it recently. Yeah.
All right. So let me hear.
Who else do you have on your client list? Molly Ringwald. Ooh, she'll be upstairs next to David.
Two seats away. Mollywell.

Speaker 2 Center. Center, two seats away.
Perfect. Beautiful.
Okay, now let's go. Dr.
Ken Jung.

Speaker 2 You know, let me me see if we have any more tickets, actually, because I think we might get a bunch of people. You don't think Ken would get balcony.
That's insane. That hurts.
You're not Ken.

Speaker 2 I know what it's said, but honestly, you don't think that Ken could get balcony. Yeah, he'd get balcony.
He'd get first balcony. I didn't want to say it to upset you.
He'd get middle balcony for sure.

Speaker 2 I already tried. They said no.
Well, yeah. They said, quote, get the fuck out of here.
No, shut up. But they did.
Shut up. Get the fuck out of here.
Or you'd get middle balcony. I won't.

Speaker 2 I already tried. I called, you know what I mean, my peeps, and they go, it's not, no.
Get the fuck out of here. Really? Yeah, so I go, okay.

Speaker 2 I think you could get top row. I believe it.
Yeah. You know, you

Speaker 2 one show? I don't think so, dude. You could get up there.
I think you could. No way.
Fuck you guys. Yeah, no way, right?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? It's like 600. Andre Agassi.
Oh, he's in there. 100%.
It's a legend. A literal legend in his game.
Oh, fuck. Carla Malone.
Carla Malone? Yeah, Carla. Carla Malone.

Speaker 2 You're saying Carl Malone? Carla Malone, the basketball. 15-year-old, he got pregnant.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Carl Malone. Carl Malone would not be available for that.
They would not. They'd be go, sir.

Speaker 2 Wow, Living Legend, though, no. You know what we could go? Huh? If they did Lion King,

Speaker 2 do you ever see Lion King?

Speaker 2 I went.

Speaker 2 I think the only third play I ever went to. But I had a girlfriend named Christine, and she goes, Let's go watch at Pantages.
You went to go see the Lion King. I bought tickets, right?

Speaker 2 It was pretty fun. Yeah, I haven't seen it.
Yeah, there's like a giraffe with a kind of costume. You know what I mean? And you're like, oh, look.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's pretty good.

Speaker 2 You didn't pay attention attention to it, did you? Well, I'd never seen the Lion King in any form. So it was so riveting to me because I didn't know the story.
Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 You never saw the Lion King? I have never seen Little Mermaid, Lion King, any of those Disney old things. Malone.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 Princes of Persia, any of that stuff. What? The only thing I saw was Nima.
Nemo.

Speaker 2 I saw Nemo. I saw the one that has like schizophrenia, the Dora.

Speaker 2 I forget things.

Speaker 2 You've finding Dory? yeah. That one.
Yeah, you've never seen it. Where am I? That one.
You've never seen

Speaker 2 Aladdin. No.

Speaker 2 I don't even know. So when I was watching The Lion King, I go,

Speaker 2 too old. I didn't even know it was about Africa.
It's not. No, I thought I don't know anything about it.
All I know is just says it's not? No. It's not in Africa? It's in Bakersfield.

Speaker 2 Oh, I didn't know.

Speaker 2 Right? So I know that the lion's in it, but I don't know any other kind of information. What else do you know about the lion? He's

Speaker 2 Mutumba.

Speaker 2 musta mustava mustava yeah yeah yeah yeah mufasa mustafa mufasa mufasa i know that there's a thing where he goes look and there's like a little boy like the little one cub yeah over the ridge yeah i don't think that was in the live play um what's what's um so let's okay i don't know what the lion king is no aladdin no lion king no little well okay little mermaid

Speaker 2 let me see you know shut up you're fucking with me I swear on to my mother's life,

Speaker 2 I don't know what the little, I know that it's a mermaid i know she's little just based on the just based on the you know the title yeah i know that there's a purple creature

Speaker 2 the the the retund the the fat purple thing purple fat yeah and she's goo goo goo goo goo whatever she does right

Speaker 2 bubbly bubbly bubbly you're yes bubbly bubbly you're in you're in a clam trap that's exactly right

Speaker 2 right i know that there are clams in it going pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop right under the sea right

Speaker 2 oh yeah

Speaker 2 I know that kind of stuff. So you know it.
No, because you've been in a mall and you go, what the fuck is this bullshit? And they go, it's from the little mermaid.

Speaker 2 Then you go, oh, and you retain that information. But I don't know anything about that.
I don't know anything about

Speaker 2 Aladdin. Nothing about Aladdin.
Magic carpet ride dog.

Speaker 2 I know the who song. I can show you the world.

Speaker 2 Oh, I can. I know the, like, start a tune.
I'll maybe finish it. Go ahead.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Here is, here is the jungle jungle of here is here is the jungle you will be the man of the jungle you know that song no it's not a real song i know

Speaker 2 i know that didn't retain that didn't hit i'm being real try to say all right aladdin yeah but i don't know uh so i don't know about that i don't know about that um but you think okay if i have to start what do you think i should start with That's interesting.

Speaker 2 What should he start with if he's starting with one of those old school Disney movies? I would say either

Speaker 2 Peter Penn. Peter Penn.
I know Peter Penn. Ask me anything about Peter Penn.
I'll tell you Peter Penn. No, he's seen Peter Penn.
I would say, no, that's Songs of Disney, dog.

Speaker 2 We're talking Disney film, a classic Disney film.

Speaker 2 I would say, honestly, I think The Lion King is one of the best. Aladdin and Lion King, Beauty and the Beast

Speaker 2 and The Little Mermaid are the three like bangers.

Speaker 2 Beauty and the Beast is so good that was nominated for an Oscar.

Speaker 2 The only animated film ever. What is? Beauty and the Beast? Yeah.
Was it?

Speaker 2 Or best picture?

Speaker 2 I don't think I'll pass on Beauty and the Beast. Oh, fuck.
You're wrong. She's the hottest.
Because I believe that it's inherently, you already know the story, based based on.

Speaker 2 This is your story, Bobby.

Speaker 2 Okay. Explain to me why it would be my story, Andreas.
I'd like to be educated. Money makes you more handsome.

Speaker 2 Damn, dude. These guys are

Speaker 2 what's going on up there in that crazy fucking window. Yeah.
It's like you're cursed to be alone forever.

Speaker 2 Holy shit, dude.

Speaker 2 That's not the message. Beauty is inside.

Speaker 2 We have to break the dark. That's the nice version.
The beauty is on the inside. But to get the princess to your castle, sometimes you got to kidnap her.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. The scary laugh.
He's about to lose it.

Speaker 2 That's a bad laugh. It's good.
No, no.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying that about you. They are.
It's good. No, I didn't say that about you.
Stop it. Stop it.
Wow.

Speaker 2 That's unbelievably good. Stop it.
Yeah, I ugly. He's going to lose his mind.

Speaker 2 True classic. Oh, my God.
You know, whenever you wear True Classic, Andrew, you look so like... You think it actually fits my body? Very Marlon Brando early or Marlon Branda days.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it looks so clean on you, dude. When you wear True Classic, you look like Bobby Lee in the early days.

Speaker 2 When I was 12. Yeah.
You were young and fit and fabric. But let me ask you, what sets them apart from other

Speaker 2 t-shirts? Because their mission goes beyond fit and fabric. It's about helping guys show up with confidence and purpose.
The gear fits right. It feels amazing and it's priced.

Speaker 2 So guys, everywhere, no matter who you are or what you do, you can step into confidence without stepping out of your budget.

Speaker 2 We've been wearing True Classic for a while now, and now you can feel the difference the moment you throw one on. Tailored where you want it, relaxed where you need it.

Speaker 2 No bunching, no stiff fabric, no BS. Just a clean, effortless fit that actually works for real life.
And by the way, you can forget overpriced designer brands.

Speaker 2 All right, ditch that disposable fast fashion. True Classic is built for comfort, built to last, and built to give back.

Speaker 2 You can grab them at Target Costco or head to trueclassic.com slash bad friends and get hooked up today. That's trueclassic.com/slash bad friends.
Talk space.

Speaker 2 You know, today at four, I went to therapy. You did go to therapy right before we recorded this? Every Thursday I do.
And I tell you something: it's because of my anxiety, right?

Speaker 2 I need to work through what makes me anxious, right? Because of the trauma that I experienced as a kid, I had to work on these different moments as a kid, doing EMDR and all that stuff.

Speaker 2 I honestly believe that therapy is priceless, and I think that to be free and to have a healthier life, you should do, you should go to where? Talkspace. I think you should.

Speaker 2 Talkspace is the leading virtual therapy provider. It makes getting the help you need easy, accessible, and affordable.
It's for everybody.

Speaker 2 And by the way, their Talkspace therapy and psychiatry are covered by many insurance plans. I know that's a big deal for a lot of people.
Like, well, I can't afford it, but they're covered.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 employers, including TRICARE for Active Duty veterans and their dependents, most insured members have a $0 copay. So you should try Talkspace.
I believe everyone should talk to somebody.

Speaker 2 And TalkSpace makes getting help convenient because you can take your appointments from the comfort and privacy of your own home, and that's nice.

Speaker 2 You can even talk it out between sessions by sending messages to your therapist. That's right.

Speaker 2 As a listener to this podcast, you're going to get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.com/slash bad friends. Enter the promo code SPACE80.
That's S-P-A-C-E eight zero.

Speaker 2 To match with a licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com slash bad friends, enter the promo code. Space80.

Speaker 2 Hydro.

Speaker 2 I got it. You? They gave me one.
I got one at the house. I love it so very much.
It's incredible. And I'm rowing in the morning, and it wakes me up and gets me juiced.
Well, what is it? What is it?

Speaker 2 Hydro is your ultimate go-to for ultimate full-body workout.

Speaker 2 How ultimate is it? You may ask. It works 86% of your muscles, arms, legs, and core, twice as efficient as cycling or running.
Just 20 minutes. All it takes to feel the results.
And this is true.

Speaker 2 I do it for 15 to 20 minutes in the morning, and I feel so good for the rest of the day. People have seen traditional old rowers, the old ways are gone.

Speaker 2 Hydro's newest rower, the Hydro Arc, delivers such powerful results. GQ magazine named it the best rower of 2025, and I agree.
You've convinced me I'm getting a hydro today. We should get you one.

Speaker 2 Head over to hydro.com and use code Bad Friends to save up to $600 off on a hydro rower during this holiday season. That's hydro, h-y-d-r-o-w.com.
Code, of course, is bad friends to save up to $600.

Speaker 2 Hydro.com, code is Bad Friends.

Speaker 2 The girls are back. Damn, dude.
Look at how tan. Fucking tanned.
Wow. Rat turds.
That's what they look like. Stop it.
I'm kidding.

Speaker 2 How long were you guys in Hawaii? A month. Wow.

Speaker 2 God, you guys are. I know.
Look at how tan they are. And we went to the beach today, too.
Yeah, they did. Do you? You've never worn sunscreen.
No. We don't need to.
We don't burn. Like you.

Speaker 2 Okay, don't take it. Talk to into the mic, Issi.
Issa? Hello. Hello.
I cannot believe how tan tan you got. You're so tan.
You got so tan. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We didn't burn once, though. Yeah, because you got.
Don't say nobody burned. There's Filipinos that burn.
Probably like the lighter Filipinos, but we're not light. Oh, you got a bunch?

Speaker 2 You've never gotten a sunburn? No. You've never gotten a bunch.
I'm not on that trip.

Speaker 2 But you have gotten a sunburn. When I was a kid.
Now, did you eat the chocolate cake?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 How much the chocolate cake? So, what happened was I was on Gold Belly about a month ago,

Speaker 2 and there was an advertisement for

Speaker 2 a double, triple chocolate cake. Sounds good.
Right. It comes.
They're in Hawaii and I'm on Ozimpic. So that cake is not getting eaten.

Speaker 2 So I put it in the freezer.

Speaker 2 Thought it out a couple of nights ago. Right.
And I've been begging them to eat it. Because you want them to be satisfied.
No, that, but I don't want it to go to waste.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because you can't have it. Right.
I've been eating. I had it for breakfast.

Speaker 2 I had a slice. I had made your mom make me a slice for breakfast.
Chocolate cake. Make a slice? I go, can I get a slice? And she

Speaker 2 and she sliced it. And you had it.
Yeah. Last night.
How good is it? It's so good. It's like two decadent, though, is what you're saying.
It's so heavy. It's heavy.
Yeah. Yeah.
But you got it.

Speaker 2 That's why you just have to eat a small piece of it.

Speaker 2 We got so small. And he was so mad that we took a small piece.
Yeah, I want a big chunk. You know, here's another thing that drives me crazy.
Give it to me. Because they all live with me.
I know.

Speaker 2 I've heard. It's insane.
And so. Wait, you don't right now, do you? I do.
She do. Gross.
yeah what a night here's another thing is their mom

Speaker 2 sorry

Speaker 2 i go

Speaker 2 today i go i'm gonna get a sandwich she's like oh i go want one okay

Speaker 2 i go what kind turkey okay get it right

Speaker 2 comes from where where do i get it you think giata

Speaker 2 oh uncle polly's uncle polly's how good is that sandwich it's my favorite what do you

Speaker 2 get the sandwich she takes the bread

Speaker 2 complete bread, takes it out. Takes the bread off of the sandwich? Yeah, she takes all the insides, then busts out her own Filipino bread.

Speaker 2 Right? And puts the fucking insides of the sandwich onto the bread. I don't know what kind of bread it is, but Filipino bread.
What kind of bread is it? What is it? It's a keto.

Speaker 2 Oh, keto bread. Oh, she's

Speaker 2 a keto. Oh, she's Filiketo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's keto.
And she's keto. Why? Because she doesn't want to be fat.
Your mom's not fat. She was really fat before.
Was she?

Speaker 2 Would you say that to her? Would you say, mom, you're fat? Yeah. That's so fucking mean.
It's so mean. You guys are fucking mean.

Speaker 2 She would show us old pictures of herself and she was like, God, I really let myself go. Like, she would show us.
Yeah, but you guys don't.

Speaker 2 That doesn't mean you back it up and go, yep, fatty.

Speaker 2 But that's normal in our family. We just say the truth.
See, they're mean to each other. They're mean to each other.
It's true. But it is true.
But it is true.

Speaker 2 Maybe we should all be like this to our family members. Was I fat? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Am I fat now?

Speaker 2 No. No.
In fact, you said something about...

Speaker 2 You're a narc, by the way.

Speaker 2 You're a little piece of shit. What did I do? Yeah.
What did I do? So your mom took a photo of my passport photo, and then you tell Kalila, right? He looks sick. No, I didn't say that.

Speaker 2 I said, you look so old already.

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 2 You don't think he looks younger now that he lost weight? No, like, I felt so bad because, like on the picture like your faith your eyes were like that and then like your skin was so sad. I'm Korean.

Speaker 2 Fuck off. That's how we all look.
I just felt so bad. So I texted Ati Kalai and said Tito Bobby looks so old now.
Oh god, how mean. It's so mean.
It's not. No, but with a crying emoji.

Speaker 2 Oh!

Speaker 2 Oh! I didn't see the emoji. Yeah.
Oh, that changed. It's that joke.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. So what you're saying, you got emotional because

Speaker 2 it's, don't you think it's because of the Ozimpic face or you really think that I look old now? Well, how old are you?

Speaker 2 Guess how old I am? He's got a birthday coming up. I have a birthday coming up.
50, 55. 54, right.
Okay. 54 coming up.
Yeah, he's turning 54. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And one day you will get there. No, they won't.
They won't live that long. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, there's no chance. Well, she mate.
She might.

Speaker 2 You're. No, no.
He says 16, 17. 17.
17, yeah. 17.
When do you turn 18?

Speaker 2 Next year, March.

Speaker 2 Is 18 a big deal like it is in the States? Like you can vote and all that year. Is there voting down there? Give me the rules.
Chucking chickens in the road or what is it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. The drinking age.
The drinking age is 18 in the Philippines. Yeah, but I feel like in the countries like that, people drink anyway before that.
Sure. Yeah, see, it doesn't far.

Speaker 2 So if I was 15 in the Philippines and I walked into a liquor store, could I buy a bottle of whiskey?

Speaker 2 No, you could if you knew the guy. He's probably your friend.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 if he was your uncle. Like in our in the sari-sari stores, you can just

Speaker 2 Why two sorry? Two sorry. Yeah, yeah.
That's you people. That's your people's thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's called sorry, sorry.
Sorry, sorry store.

Speaker 2 All right. Yeah.
It's just like a thank you, thank you story. Oh, I didn't know.
Thank you, yeah, yeah. It's like a my bad, my bad.

Speaker 2 When you turn 18, you usually have a debut. Yeah, a debut.
What does debut mean? It's like

Speaker 2 a bad thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like continera, but for 18-year-olds. Yeah.
But it happens at 16? At 18. 18.

Speaker 2 And they call it a debut. So you throw a party? Wow.

Speaker 2 Did they do like extravagant parties like they do for

Speaker 2 accounts or like really big? Yeah. Are there dwarves?

Speaker 2 Are there dwarves? Their names do dwarves. Did you have a debut? Are you going to have a debut? I don't think so.
It's really expensive. How much does it cost to?

Speaker 2 How much is a debut? I don't know.

Speaker 2 We should throw her away.

Speaker 2 You want us to fund your debut? Yeah. Guys,

Speaker 2 click below on the do and the gofund me for you. Let's do a go-funding for your debut.
How much is it? It says

Speaker 2 $200,000. No, what? $600,000.
Oh, that's a $2,000.

Speaker 2 Okay, so

Speaker 2 it's anywhere between $1,000 and $12,000 USD. $12,000.
$12,000? Oh, it's for a grand, though. Yeah, but she...
There's moderate. Oh, you want a grand?

Speaker 2 Wait, wait. Zoom in.
Zoom in.

Speaker 2 It says grander, or is it grander? Moderate means, so we could, you could, for $1,000 to $2,000 United States dollars, you could do a nice one. For like a big show, you do $4,000 to $12,000.
$12,000.

Speaker 2 A $12,000 Filipino in the Philippines debut. I figured you could buy an item.
You can buy anything you want for that.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 Look at that. Look at that.
Is that her debut? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow. What's the word for debut, though? They don't say debut.
This is his debut. They do say that? Yeah, that's why.

Speaker 2 They say it debut, though. Debu, debu.
Welcome to my debut in Cebu.

Speaker 2 So is there a mute? Like how Jewish kids do the fucking, you know, their barmits for rap videos.

Speaker 2 Come to my my debut in cebu. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Speaker 2 Can you drink it?

Speaker 2 So, if we could do a debut, you would drink? Yeah. And then who's invited? The whole town? Everyone?

Speaker 2 The whole town, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's why it's expensive. You gotta pay for everyone's bullshit.
Wow. It's just like a fucking wedding.
You gotta pay for everyone's bullshit. Yeah.
Is there kind of like

Speaker 2 kind of music or no?

Speaker 2 I've never been to one, so I don't really know. Oh, you never have.
So we can just go

Speaker 2 like any kind of music.

Speaker 2 You can't pick any music.

Speaker 2 You're stuck in LA in your head.

Speaker 2 That's a Kinsenyera. That's not a okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think I'm stuck. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, all right, so. They don't debut for you unless we throw one for you.
Maybe we will. I don't know.
Would that bum you out not to have a debut? No, it wouldn't.

Speaker 2 But I know people get so much money from gifts. Oh, yeah, because they give

Speaker 2 the same thing. Kinsenyeras, Bar Mitzvahs, they all get money.
They get money. They get like a.

Speaker 2 a it's supposed to be like a fund for your new adult life or whatever so if we were at your debut okay debut or whatever you call it okay and we gave you an envelope of money

Speaker 2 american money what would be sufficient do you think me and andrew k we flew all

Speaker 2 now mind you we flew to yeah mind you we flew all the way to the philippines

Speaker 2 we got hotels to go to some person's debut

Speaker 2 yeah but i'm not just some person

Speaker 2 oh what are you you're a snowflake, an individual. Is that what you're saying? What? I'm your niece.
You're my niece. Okay.
So, how much money would you say?

Speaker 2 Think about how much money I'd spend on sunscreen alone. I know.
Would you complain like, dude, don't bother me only gave me.

Speaker 2 So, what would be the number that would be suffice for you?

Speaker 2 It has to be enough so that me and my sister could go to Hawaii for a couple of months. What the fuck? That you were just getting quiet for a fucking month.
That's so much money.

Speaker 2 Dude, dude. Americans who have full-time jobs can't afford to go to Hawaii on vacation.
For a week, they want to go for a fucking month. But they were just there for one month.

Speaker 2 Your fault. Oh, I'm in the bad.
Yeah. Your fault.
You know what? You get nothing for your debut. That's insane.
So if we gave you, if I gave you five grand, American. Oh, my God.
That's a lot.

Speaker 2 Why would you give it a ball? That's a lot. I'm in high ball.
I'm kicking in $100. Oh, yeah, yeah.
I just thought of $2,000. I was like, oh, that's too much already.
All right.

Speaker 2 If me and Andrew gave you $100, $200.

Speaker 2 $200 each. No, it's not going to be a bad thing.
I give you $100 fucking dollars.

Speaker 2 It can't be $200 because you've given me $300 before just to do, like, just to be alive. What are you doing?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Literally, like,

Speaker 2 a couple days after I got here,

Speaker 2 he woke us up at

Speaker 2 12 a.m. And he was like, if you guys suck on this sour ball, I'm going to give you $100.
Hold on, hold on.

Speaker 2 Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. The stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Let's put it into context. Let's put it in context.
What the fuck are you doing? Shut the fuck up. Shut up.

Speaker 2 I was shutting. All right, we're going to explain it better because it sounds a little weird, okay?

Speaker 2 So I saw TikTok, right, with these sour balls that you saw. It's a candy.
I've seen them. You've seen them.

Speaker 2 They're like, what are they? Sour warheads. They're like warheads.
Sour warheads, right? So I woke them up because I just got them. I found them in the box.
They just got delivered. Sure.

Speaker 2 So, what did I say?

Speaker 2 I'll give you $100. Yeah, I'll give you $100 if you can suck this for

Speaker 2 one minute. I get one minute.
I'll just rephrase all this. I'll give you $100 if you can eat this.
Eat this. Eat this ball.
Suck this ball.

Speaker 2 It's insane.

Speaker 2 I know. But he kept saying that.
And he was like, you have to suck it.

Speaker 2 You don't eat it. You suck it.
Fuck off.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 You don't eat it. You suck it.
Right? Carlos? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Carlos Chevalier. Yeah, you know, you bite.
Right? He bites it. He bites it.
Yeah, he bites it. Yeah, yeah.
You lick it. You lick it.
So they did a minute, and I gave 100 bucks. It was so easy.

Speaker 2 It's so easy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you have do you have money on you right now?

Speaker 2 Yes. Do another challenge then for 100.
This will be your, this will be your challenge. No, I don't have anything to suck.
No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I have nothing around here.

Speaker 2 Anyway, let's move on.

Speaker 2 Strolling. Fancy stop.
Stop, stop, stop. All right.
So here's the thing, okay? Listen, all all right. Give me one of those hules to see if they can chug a huel.
No, no, no, that's not a thing.

Speaker 2 All right. So what I'm saying is that sometimes I get generous, but you do get very generous.
No, that's why I don't think I'd be a good dad. No, you'd be a great dad.

Speaker 2 No, because I would spoil the fuck. Like, what do I do with the cats?

Speaker 2 You overfeed them. Overfeed everyone.

Speaker 2 Treats? Yeah. King.
King treats. Right.
I treat. Living things in my vicinity with praise and with gifts.
Except for me. And that's.

Speaker 2 Yes, you do, dude. You, nope, not.
My talent. Your talent.
Yeah. That's interesting.
Yeah. You know what?

Speaker 2 Yes. Congratulations, dude.
I'm offering you my services for being a talent. Services denied.
Okay, right. Services declined.
And I accept your talent as well, and that's a gift.

Speaker 2 I give you so much more than that. Exactly.
That's my point. No, it's not your point.
Yeah, because your point is, how come you don't give me a gift? For your fucking birthday, what did I get you?

Speaker 2 I got you a fucking golf fucking girl. One time.
Fuck you. Give me something real this year.
All right, what do you want? What? You want to know what I want? Yeah, I want to know what you want.

Speaker 2 Something big. Okay.

Speaker 2 To suck on?

Speaker 2 Give me a sour ball to suck on. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I can't suck on those sour balls, but my point is, is this. All right, so what you're saying to me right now, ladies, is I'm being too generous with you.
Yeah, you need to stop the generosity.

Speaker 2 And it stops. Everyone here right now, it stops here and now.
This is the problem. No more cash.
Because little nieces, nieces are

Speaker 2 so sweet and they're so nice. But then what they're really doing is they're pulling, they're manipulating you to give them more money.
No, well, I guess exactly. I don't know about Issa.
See?

Speaker 2 No, I've never, never.

Speaker 2 Sounds like it.

Speaker 2 Here's another thing that occurred last night, if I just may,

Speaker 2 while we're at it. Okay.
Don't like your attitude right now, by the way. That little face you did.
Bullshit.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 don't scare me.

Speaker 2 What did you do the other night? You scared my

Speaker 2 wife.

Speaker 2 What are you talking about? Slow down. What are you saying? You scaring them.
He was being a little weird off.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, guys. So, just by me being alive and around is scary.

Speaker 2 You know what he did?

Speaker 2 He waited for so long. And he was just crawled up in the corner.
And he was waiting for me to go up. And he screamed at me when I got up the stairs.
And it was creepy. all right

Speaker 2 okay but when i say this don't do it back no they have well it's gonna no there's gonna be no retribution yeah because it was i should have known because i'll tell you why i should have known all the signs all the signs were there for me to know

Speaker 2 So usually when I walk into the house, I come home around midnight to one in the morning, right? Yeah. And the dogs are in their room.
So I have four dogs. Sleeping?

Speaker 2 No, they go hog wild when I walk in. Right.
But they don't, they never let them out, right? But last night, I opened the door and they're just out. Roaming around.
Roaming around.

Speaker 2 So you should have known. Right.
And I look into their room. First of all, they all share one room, three people, like sardines.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I mean, talk about Amistad.
I mean, it's like, how do you sleep in that room? We have the Japanese floor

Speaker 2 and we just share all three of them. And then somebody gets the couch.
Don't you have another fucking room? Yep, it's getting redone, and also the bathroom upstairs is broken. It's broken, yeah.

Speaker 2 Why is it broken? Because I'm getting remodeled, but I can't get it remodeled until they completely move out

Speaker 2 because you think you need to.

Speaker 2 Actually, I can get it remodeled now since you guys live downstairs. Yeah, it's a lot, though.
Who cares? But it's like a lot of people in the house, a lot of animals. It's like a lot.

Speaker 2 I have seven animals, anyway. Let's get to the

Speaker 2 so um, the dogs are out.

Speaker 2 I look in the room, they're not there, and for some reason, I was just like, oh, well, and I just walk up the stairs, completely dark on on the, you know what I mean, on my, the second floor of the house, right?

Speaker 2 And then your mom,

Speaker 2 whatever, which is like, you know, not a boo or ah,

Speaker 2 she went, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, like a, like a Filipino ghost. I think it is our best.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And it scared me a bit, right? Yeah.
So, all right, let's continue this game.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the scare game. It's not a competition.
Yeah. It's not.

Speaker 2 How much longer is this living situation going to be like this? Indefinitely, probably. It seems indefinitely.
Really? Yeah. Like, when do you think? I don't know.
Yeah, me either. I leave soon.

Speaker 2 Yeah, leaving soon. You go back to the Philippines? When?

Speaker 2 On the 12th. Wow.
Soon. And then when do you know when you come back? You don't?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know. But DeKalia wants her to come back on September.
September. And then go to Hawaii.
Again. Jesus Christ.
These kids are living like a family.

Speaker 2 I understand. And now that you graduated, I'm free.
You're free.

Speaker 2 So you might come back September. Yeah.
September 11th, maybe?

Speaker 2 It's a good date. It's a great holiday for us.

Speaker 2 Have you heard of September 11th? What happened that day?

Speaker 2 You know. No, I don't.
Tell us what happened. We don't know.
We don't know because we were in a coma. Both of us.
Yeah. Yeah.
2001. We were both in a coma.
What happened? Tell us about September 11th.

Speaker 2 Don't Google it, Society. Yeah.
I want to see if. I know it.

Speaker 2 What happened?

Speaker 2 9-11 happened. I know, but what happened on 9-11? Yeah, what did happen? The Twin Towers and stuff.

Speaker 2 See, this is what's interesting now. Okay, go ahead.
Because she wasn't alive for 9-11. Yeah.
So what she thinks happened probably didn't happen. That's why we want to know.

Speaker 2 What do you think happened? You guys are just gaslighting. No.
You guys are like.

Speaker 2 You guys are just gaslighting. Neither of you were alive for 9-11, so how the fuck do you know what happened? We asked Mama about it, and she doesn't know about it too.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah. So no one knows about it.
I guess. What do you think? Philippines, like, I don't know.
Yeah. Because mama doesn't know anything.
Yeah. They don't know.

Speaker 2 Did the Philippines have their own 9-11 ever or no?

Speaker 2 Well, it happens like every day there. Oh, every day.
Every day is a 9-11 there. No, I meant like very bad things.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, killings.
Killings. Remember Datarte? Is that his name?

Speaker 2 Datarte? Dadarte.

Speaker 2 That's 2021 terrorist incidents in

Speaker 2 North Cotabato.

Speaker 2 Buses were bombed and torched. In September, eight persons were wounded in an explosion at a volleyball court in Dato Payang.
Yeah, why do you, when you say the name,

Speaker 2 why do you do it? That's how you have to say it. I know.
It's like when someone, like a white person, comes back from going to Mexico and you're like, oh my god, I loved my time in Mexico.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 2 It's the same thing. Yeah.
Bruce and I had a lot of fun in Puerto Vallarta.

Speaker 2 You know what the irony of this is?

Speaker 2 These motherfuckers, foreigners, get mad at us when we don't do it. That's the fucking irony with you fuckheads.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 On the internet, you know how many dickheads I've seen on TikTok being like, it's Iran. It's not Iran.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, so what do I want to, I want the girl's advice on something.

Speaker 2 Fancy's going away to Spain. So we need to replace him because we don't have anybody at the studio.
And we asked for Spaniards specifically, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Is that right? Yeah.
And we got submissions of Spaniards that are going to replace him. And we want you guys' help picking somebody from this list.
Can you do that? Yeah. Fantastic.

Speaker 2 First impressions, bob nice nose i i like the adrian brody by vibe i love it too yeah like he you know he went through like a war alejandro brody yeah i like it go ahead all right let's see

Speaker 2 hola bad friends podcast uh me yamo sergio i am living in hollywood but i am uh from spain uh specifically uh catalan he's lying uh but i also grew up in malaga uh i would love to be your new spaniard on podcast i

Speaker 2 i'm just kidding bro i'm I'm Indian. I do live in LA.
I can't be a comedian. I'm funny as fuck.
I love your podcast.

Speaker 2 Stop push-pause. What he's trying to do, he doesn't know what the job is.
We're not looking for, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 A guest.

Speaker 2 It's a guest. Yeah, we're looking for someone that's going to work behind the scenes.

Speaker 2 All right, who do we got on our submissions? This is Andres.

Speaker 4 Hello, holigos. My name is Andres.
I heard you guys were looking for a new Andres. So here I am sending my submission.

Speaker 4 And one thing is, I'm actually not from Spain, I'm from Colombia, but I think it's an extra thing because we have cocaine.

Speaker 4 So, yeah, I think I will make a good job of filling in for the other Andres because I can make quirky comments every episode. And you guys can tell me to shut the fuck up.

Speaker 4 So, yeah, Bobi, Andrew, I love you guys. I've been watching you for years.

Speaker 2 All right, pause it. I actually hi up.
I don't know if he's from Colombia. I think he's putting on an accent again.
I think he's another liar.

Speaker 2 But the piece that I'm now arguing with myself with is clearly done on an Android. So I'm like, he could be a foreigner.
This is not an iPhone. How do you know it's an Android?

Speaker 2 The video quality is odd. It's different than what we're used to.

Speaker 2 And by the way, usually better video quality on Android. This looks strange.

Speaker 2 So it means the conversion switch when it got to an iPhone. Can I defend him real quick? Please.

Speaker 2 I mean, I like him. I like him because he's just like Andreas in this sense, and I don't want you to be offended by it, but he's not sexually threatening.
Right, right.

Speaker 2 You don't want to be a single person. It's something very asexual.
Yeah, I mean, they're like nothing. Correct.
Like Barbie, just nothing down there.

Speaker 2 Ken, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the smooth sailing.
Okay, so then he's hot on those. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he doesn't come to at the end of this and say, hey, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 2 I'm American, right?

Speaker 2 I don't think so.

Speaker 2 Press. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I've hot screamed fucking. I scrubbed through them.
What does that mean? Because I love the discovery.

Speaker 2 For us.

Speaker 2 It's like it's a living, breathing. Your job.
We need two submissions. We got to get rid of this guy.
What are we doing with you anymore? What are we doing? Should we fire him too?

Speaker 2 And get two new people in the booth? Well, you today. Sada Rayo, should we bring him? Only because.

Speaker 2 And I go, really?

Speaker 2 And you go, we got to bring him, right? And I'm always like, really? Someone's got to shoot the show. He's got to shoot the show.
Don't you love McConnell, Andrew? I fucking hate him lately.

Speaker 2 He's pissing me off.

Speaker 2 You like McCone? I like McCone. You like McConnell? You like McCone? Why do you like him? Why do you guys like him? What do you like better, McCone or EJ? Be real, right now.
Go fast. Fast.

Speaker 2 Don't think.

Speaker 2 EJ.

Speaker 2 I know, right? We like that. We love that.
No, but we hung out with McCone and his friends, and oh my god, they're so cool. Wait.

Speaker 2 When the fuck did that happen? When the fuck did that happen? Because McCone wanted to buy a dress for like filming something for me. So we hung out.
And then, oh my god, his friends are just so cool.

Speaker 2 When the so cool

Speaker 2 was this before they left, we went to the Silver Lake Flea, the flea market, yeah. And we've never been there, so we were like, You were there too?

Speaker 2 Oh my god, yeah, wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Speaker 2 Stop, stop, stop. Oh, you might get it, you might get fired.

Speaker 2 My blood is

Speaker 2 okay.

Speaker 2 So, let me get this straight. Yeah, okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 You met him at the flea market. Here's the address.
No, his house.

Speaker 2 what so you have his address yeah so you bring the Prius

Speaker 2 to his house yeah and then do you go all right I'll follow you in the car or do you guys get in one car

Speaker 2 oh my god

Speaker 2 oh my god and then did you go inside his place before yeah his place is so cool

Speaker 2 Oh, really? It's very artsy and did he go?

Speaker 2 Do you want to move in there? Why don't you move in there? I like it so much. Who's the bed bouncy?

Speaker 2 No, I didn't. Okay.
Ooh, he did a tour of the house though.

Speaker 2 By the way, what do you mean tour? It's one room.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's literally one room.
So this is the corner of the room. This is the other corner of the room.

Speaker 2 Two more corners.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny.
Oh, that's funny. So then you went to the flea market to get one car.
To dress for a sketch, That sketch you guys shot? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you got a dress, and you bought the dress.

Speaker 2 So he's buying her dresses. And then, and don't, okay, I'm going to ask you another question.

Speaker 2 Was there other things you did, like a coffee run? Oh, yeah. He bought us Cos Coffee.

Speaker 2 Before we got there, he was like, do you guys want coffee? Where'd you guys go? Let me guess. Alfred.
No, they went. No, he's over on his side of town.
Oh, I see. Yeah.
So where'd you guys go?

Speaker 2 Where'd you go? Blue note. No, no, he went to probably.
It's like stereoscopic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't like it. On Sunset? Yeah.
Yeah, that deal.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I know. It's Indy Place?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's actually

Speaker 2 the neighborhoods. Yeah, they're so cool.
Like his friend group. Yeah.
Yeah. I couldn't.
Yeah. Does that bother you or no? No, dude, because he's 25.
Oh, yeah, right. She's 23.

Speaker 2 Oh, so same as you're going to be. Same age of losers.
Yeah, yeah, but same as losers. So I feel like a loser compared to him.
You are, but he is too.

Speaker 2 I think you're, I would have to say that you're a bigger name.

Speaker 2 I used to think you were so cool. Yeah.
What do you mean?

Speaker 2 This is not cool. Yeah, it's not cool.
Here's another thing that bothers me. Now, thank you for bringing this up.
You're welcome, man. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Are my farts bothering you? Yeah, twice.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because I've been noticing my own farts. And you've been ignoring them.
Well, because we were in a groove. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I thought, if he does it again, I will say something, but it's got to be out of the context. So I just want to say SOS.
Real, round, round, round. One's coming.
Not one of the coffee.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, okay. But isn't that nice to me? I thought we're in a comedic groove.
Don't want to break the groove. Yeah, that one bothered me.
Yeah, it's true. That's what I just.
Yeah, it was gross.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. So anyway, here's another thing that your sister revealed to me last night.
Don't look at her like that. What? Oh.
I think, what?

Speaker 2 I think you get recognized more than you admit you get recognized. True.
I don't think so. You know that's

Speaker 2 today again.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, at the beach. Yeah.
At the beach, what happened? Someone was asking her if we were leaving.

Speaker 2 We're parking. And then I was like, no, we just got here.
And then she's like, wait, you're Rudy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. And then the hamburger place the other day, too.
Uh-huh. In and out.
In and out. Are you getting recognized now? No.
That's going to be fucking insane. That's going to be insane.

Speaker 2 But you get recognized every day now. Not every day.
In Hawaii? Anytime? No.

Speaker 2 Not one time. No, Hawaii is different.

Speaker 2 There was one time, but you could tell the dude wasn't a local. Yeah, it was a white guy from

Speaker 2 a main island white guy.

Speaker 2 The mainland white guy doesn't count.

Speaker 2 All right, so let's go through some more.

Speaker 2 This guy's high on our tick list, right?

Speaker 2 What's his name? Andres? Andres. I like it.
Non-sexual. I'm 50-50 if it's real.
I'm not kidding. Okay.
I scrubbed through it. This guy.
Hola. May almost somewhere.
Push pause. Out.

Speaker 2 Hola, me.

Speaker 2 What the fuck? I'll give him a chance. All right, go ahead.
All right. Comas tas.

Speaker 2 I would like to be the new Spaniard in the booth.

Speaker 2 I lived in Spain for 33 years,

Speaker 2 and I live in Los Angeles. Pause.
If you guys he's under 33. And why the fuck is his shirt off? Why in the fuck is this guy in bed with his shirt?

Speaker 2 You couldn't put a shirt on when you're doing a fucking and then what serial killer does he romant you of? Dahmer. That's Dahmer.
I thought it was going to come out.

Speaker 2 When he first started talking at those people. Exactly.
That's the young damn. He was thinking about coming over there to the booth and being it.
And by the way, all this being said, High on the list.

Speaker 2 Oh, you think so? Short off. I think that's a good thing.
He's funny. He's cool.
I like him. I think that's...

Speaker 2 true. That's the thing about our fans that people don't get.
We like him when you're a fucking weirdo. Yeah, we like weirdo.
That's top shit. Hi, bad friends.
It's Luke Crichton. Pause.
I'm

Speaker 2 out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, what are you going to build as a gazebo?

Speaker 2 Like, what are you going to do for us?

Speaker 2 A new deck at my house? Like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, yeah. What's going on here, dude? We don't need a youth pastor on this.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I know. Jesus Christ.
We want to talk to you about the Lord. Press play.
Luke, we're just fucking with you. Fuck with you, Luke.
Is Xavier still here?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's here. What is he doing? He's just sitting.
xavier what are you what are you doing

Speaker 2 come over here he's rocking back and forth yeah we got a new guy xavier that's going to be on the show a little bit look at him xavier xavier what

Speaker 2 are you doing back there i'm just sitting i'm taking notes okay can i tell you the first time i met xavier he's maybe he's replacing fan i know can i tell you the first time i met him yeah it's the funniest thing what i'd seen him before but i never really talked to him so i'm in vegas right

Speaker 2 and bargazi nate bargazzi goes let's go to a fucking uh skank fest so he, I get in Nate's car, we drive to Skank Fest, right?

Speaker 2 And then I lose Nate,

Speaker 2 and I'm just kind of wandering around. And there's an acid tent.
Oh, there's a tent.

Speaker 2 What? This is cigar tent. Cigar tent, but people are saying this is where everyone's on acid.
Sure, that makes sense. So I sit there next to Xavier, and he's doing this.

Speaker 2 You're me, right? He's a gun later.

Speaker 2 I go, what's up, dude? He goes, nothing.

Speaker 2 I go, you high? He goes, I'm hallucinating.

Speaker 2 Like, no information. I go, I've seen you at the store.
He goes, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, like, kind of breathing. Like, just tripping balls.
Tripping his balls off. Well, how many tabs did you have?

Speaker 2 I did one, but it was really strong. And I feel like at the point where we all were like, dude, like, it's really starting to fucking hit us right now.

Speaker 2 Bobby Lee just sits down next to me and I just did, I froze up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 He was breathing loud. I go, what's your problem, dude? He goes, this is, what's going on? Xavier,

Speaker 2 do you use a lot? No. You're not a big drug user? No.
When I'm around certain friends, we'll go. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who are you with that night?

Speaker 2 Horamos Rishi, Kim Con. Oh, we know them.
We know them.

Speaker 2 Living Acid.

Speaker 2 If there was a chance for us to have you on the show on Acid, on the show, will you do that?

Speaker 2 No, dude, I can't do it. If you can't do it on camera, you'd freak out.
I don't know that I'd freak out, but I have to drive here.

Speaker 2 No, we'll get you. No, we'll Uber you here.
We'll get maybe three drops of acid, three hits. Three hits.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember that the job is to record this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and then sit down, right? Oh, yeah. And we'll Uber you back.
We'll get you a nice. Kim and Sarah's podcast.
That's kind of like how we did it. Whose?

Speaker 2 Kim and Sarah, you were on it.

Speaker 2 That was how I first met you.

Speaker 2 This bitch. This bitch.
Kim and Sarah. I don't remember.
I honestly don't know what you're talking about. Okay, Minechank.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm going to tell you something.
Yeah, yeah. Talk closer to the mic though.
Okay, we're excited.

Speaker 2 You're going to be with us for a little bit on the show here. Yeah, that's going to be a lot of fun.
We're going to dose you. Yeah, yeah.
We're going to dose yeah can we dose you or no

Speaker 2 say yes yeah yeah you guys

Speaker 2 all right all right thank you but Xavier does stand up too right yeah yeah that's what I was doing there I was on the show oh yeah okay okay it shows

Speaker 2 don't be a dick dude yeah at least at least Xavier can go up on stage and walk through that fear you piece of shit I gotta tell you something yeah that was ice cold

Speaker 2 okay so we're going to Spain we're gonna go to Spain to shoot a movie for Fancy yeah so Fancy's directing a movie it's a zombie. Zombie.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're

Speaker 2 fighting.

Speaker 2 It is. It should be.
It should be. But he, I guess,

Speaker 2 is there. Thank you.
Yeah. He got like oil money or something.
Somebody

Speaker 2 is funding it. I don't know how you got the money.
Cartel. Cartel.
But we are going there. We're booking the flights.
Three days, and this is a really big test.

Speaker 2 I want to know what he's going to be like on set. As a director.
I'm beyond excited. Yeah.
And I want to know if you listen to his notes. I'm fine.

Speaker 2 I think if you gave me direction, I'd be like, okay, Andreas. Shut the fuck up, you liar.
You're not taking any notes from him.

Speaker 2 Fuck, I'm king note, brother. Bro, I go, let me do an adjustment.
That's why I say on movies all the time, I'd like to do the adjustment. Well, let me tell you something right now.

Speaker 2 Can you do an adjustment? Can you learn your lines?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you something right now. I'm not taking any of your fucking notes.
You can shove them up your ass.

Speaker 2 Andrew, I think, what have you said? Andrew, I think, slow the line down. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Because, you know, people aren't really grasping. It's a serious.
What would you say?

Speaker 2 Is that what you want me to do? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 Action.

Speaker 2 You do the polar option. 100%.
Oh, you give me a note. Bob.

Speaker 2 Hold on, dude. Bolly.
Did you say cut? No, cut, cut, cut, cut. All right.
Please, and this scene, can you be more emotional? It's an emotional scene.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay, Akhan?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he died.

Speaker 2 Perfect.

Speaker 2 You think so? Well, we're going to cut you out of that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, thank you for your submissions.
I don't think we found anybody yet. We'll keep searching.
The undressed guy was good. The Asian guy.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Congratulations on your, once again, fantasy-fueled life of journeyness to Hawaii, both of you girls. I've never met people who have gone to Hawaii so for months at a time.
They're living vacation.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And by the way, all your fault.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, all your faults. I don't fund their flights or their hotel rooms.
In a way. I guess you're right.

Speaker 2 Your graduation gift was really nice. I see.
What was it? The place.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. I gave you a fucking debut in Hawaii on a beach.
Yeah. And did I pay for the house too? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I wasn't even at the house. Was it even at the house? You're the only guy I know that doesn't even know what he's paying for.

Speaker 2 I know. You have no idea.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You'd be the greatest partner. I showed up.
I'm like, oh, this is pretty cool. Who's funding it? You are.

Speaker 2 I am.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love that. Yeah.
And I brought all the, that was a, you know what, can I say about that day? You were there too.

Speaker 2 That weekend was, I think, one of the greatest weekends of my life in a long time. Say it.
I just said it. Well, go on.
Explain why.

Speaker 2 What made it so special? I don't know. It was just the shows went well Friday.
And

Speaker 2 I brought three openers from the comedy store. Yeah.
Mike,

Speaker 2 Ariana, and Ramsey Badawi.

Speaker 2 Everyone was at the beach, right? And then Kalila and that side of the family was there. It was just everyone kind of got along.
It was like, you know, beautiful.

Speaker 2 You know, it was just a great weekend. Yeah.
Beautiful. It made you feel something.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that it's not over. Well, let me tell you something.
Every single week of my life with you on this show is the greatest week of my life.

Speaker 2 You think I don't mean it? Yeah, but before when I go, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I'm the gift to you. You're the gift to me.
Is that what it is?

Speaker 2 You're the gift that keeps on giving. You're the gift that keeps on giving to me, too.

Speaker 2 I'm the gift that keeps on giving. To me.
And you're the gift that

Speaker 2 someone else already got me.

Speaker 2 So I'm going to pretend like I love it, but I'm going to regift it to somebody else. Okay, good.
I want you in my life. I want you in my life.
I love you.

Speaker 2 Girls, look in the camera and sign off. You know what to do.
Thank you for being a bad friend.