Life & Fettuccini

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You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

We're bad friends.

Where's McCone?

He's not here.

Where's McCone?

Anyway,

look at you.

Dumbfounded.

Yeah, dumbfounded.

Andrea Jin.

Andrea Jin.

And none only.

Yeah.

Then our lovable

beloved Gene Hong.

Gene Hong.

Wow.

Wow.

And look at, we did Korean

hungbuk.

It's called hungbook.

That's the clothing.

And we were a hit at the Renaissance Fair.

You guys were a big hit.

I mean, they were like, people would bow to us.

Wow.

I made everyone do accents.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

A boat crash.

And we don't know where we are.

Well, what is this family story as we look at this photo?

Can you describe to me the family history and the story?

Well, okay, so my daughter, she's blind.

Oh,

she's blind and deaf.

Wow.

Yeah, and she has no idea what's going on.

Right?

The other one is.

You look wealthy, by the way.

Yeah, we're very wealthy.

Yeah.

So then

Dumbfounded plays a man who has many murders.

And he works that way.

He looks tired from all the murders.

Yeah, he murdered so many people.

Japanese, Chinese, and Koreans.

Wow.

But mostly North Koreans.

Wow.

And I keep going, don't go to the North.

Don't go.

Yeah, yeah.

And he will.

And Gene is my,

well,

they think he's my assistant.

But there's some, you know what I mean, other privileges I get.

You get to have sex with him?

That's not what I said.

Well, that's what you said.

In ancient Korean tradition, we don't talk about stuff like that.

But yeah, sex.

Yeah, cheese.

Yeah, dude, dude.

So I got you a new wand.

Here's a new one.

Here you go, dude.

It's a new elven wand that they have.

Oh, look.

Yeah, yeah.

Look at this.

It's a butt plug.

Yeah, yeah.

You stick your butthole right in there.

Yeah.

Dude, come here, Carlos.

You have a standard, just a wand.

Still does magic.

Yeah, but barely.

It makes dicks get hard.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, are these handmade?

Yes.

Wow.

Yeah, by Intel

in the Midwest.

Anyway, here you go.

I get a one.

You get a one this time.

Yeah, yeah.

I get a one.

You get a one.

You get a Spanish one.

Wow, I actually like that a lot.

Yeah, yeah.

That one's very pretty.

Here's a Spanish one.

And this one will be mine.

And I'm going to say something to you.

I have a wand.

Oh, here.

Okay, so

let's play a little dark magic.

I learned about dark magic.

And today,

ladies and gentlemen, when you're listening, all right,

today's dark magic is about revenge.

Today's dark magic is about betrayal.

And we have to use our wands to destroy these evil people.

Look at me right there.

Doing a seance.

Does that hat fit?

No.

I don't know if it's supposed to look like that.

It's supposed to look like that.

It is.

Yeah, yeah.

And it was so uncomfortable.

You have to constantly balance it.

Can I see the girl who's seancing you?

There she is.

That's my aunt Barb.

Barb was great.

She is.

I had no idea what she was talking about, but it was great.

Now, do they speak in tongues and languages?

And how do they do this?

Oh, calezia baconfusopo?

Yeah, yeah, that.

Italian.

It's kind of funny.

Yeah, yeah.

So here's the dark.

Wade, here's the funniest thing.

Yeah.

Go back to that photo to the right.

Yeah.

And I apologize for fans at home.

I've lost my voice a little bit.

Go out and go to the other photo to the far right.

Yeah, now zoom in.

The best part is, you guys are dolled up.

Yeah.

Head to almost toe.

Now zoom down to the feet.

It just sneakers.

Yeah, yeah.

It's just like the outfits are amazing, and then he's wearing Hoka running shoes.

Because we went to the store, there were clogs, and there's no way.

You're not rocking clogs all day.

Yeah, we're going to rock clogs.

Yeah, yeah.

So I'm going to do my golden goose.

They had golden gooses back then.

Did they really?

Yeah.

So back to the dark magic.

okay?

So I don't know if y'all know that I did a short film called Death and Robin, right?

No, yay!

For that short film.

Okay.

It was good.

So I'll tell you something.

So I'm at the Renaissance Fair, right?

Right.

Andrea Jing goes, because she's dating a writer.

Ooh.

Right.

So then, you know, he was offered something or

a production company asked him for like a production coordinator or for something.

And he goes, for what?

He goes, Death and Robin, the movie.

So I got all excited.

I'm like,

I call my agents and I go, hey.

Boy, hi, Bobby.

How are you?

Yeah, yeah.

Hi, Jewie Lieberwitz.

Yes, great to talk to you today.

You're the best agent.

I'm number one.

Juby Liebowitz.

Yeah.

Hold my call, Shireen.

I'm on the phone with Jewie Robinson.

I'm Juby.

All right, so I'm not.

Okay.

So I, Juby, did I get the movie?

Yes, you got a movie.

Yes.

Got a movie.

Death and Robin.

No.

Yeah.

So they.

You got life and fettuccini.

He got the

movie.

We booked you life and fettuccine.

You're going to love it.

But that's not the short idea.

It's not short at all.

It's a seven-hour movie.

Really?

Yes.

Oh, I heard

Death and Robin got Sebastian Monoscalco, so I get the life and Fettuccine.

You got Life and Fettuccine.

Yeah, and

he got Death and Ramen.

Can we switch?

Unfortunately not.

Unfortunately not.

He's better for Death and Ramen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He wasn't the guy that was cast, by the way.

He's booking me in Life and Fettuccine.

Yeah, yeah.

So I called my agent and he goes, no, they recast you.

No way.

And I go, why?

And what do they say when you don't get something?

We went a different direction.

I fucking hate that.

It bothers me so much.

Yeah.

What does that even fucking mean?

It means no.

It means they hate you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait, so who got the role?

I don't know.

But, okay, I didn't even get a call.

And then when my agents called them, they said, yeah, we're going in a different direction.

Wow.

Right.

And so, you know, it ruined my renaissance.

Of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go back to the tarot reading.

Yeah.

You tell in that photo.

Yeah, yeah, in that photo, right?

And just look at that photo.

Yeah.

Tell me this isn't right after you got the phone call.

Yeah, and look at that face.

My question to her was, who got cast in death in Ramadan?

No one.

Did I really not get death in Ramen?

Right.

And every card was a death card.

Right.

And some guy being hung or slain.

You know what I mean?

So everybody,

I normally don't do this, but I think it's war.

I think it is.

I think it is.

And I would do the same for you.

And I got to tell you, you do normally do this.

What?

This is par for the course.

You do do this.

Yeah, but not war.

Look, you only fight when somebody tries to fight you.

Right.

Wait, anyway.

Zoom into that photo in the background.

Go ahead.

And just in the back.

No, no, no, the people.

You're the people over there.

On the side.

Doo-doo-doo.

Are you making fun of my brethren and my sisterhood?

Your breaths?

No.

Yeah.

I got to tell you, dude, I'm fascinated with this world.

The fact that they get to escape like this,

I don't get to do this.

Saturday, Lisa Gilroy went.

I saw that.

Yeah.

Why don't you go?

I'm not interested in being there.

I know, but we know about you.

I would go with you.

But I mean, you would laugh so hard.

I would go with you, but where do you get the outfits?

Do I have to buy it?

No, I spent a couple of grand on those.

Yeah, I don't want to do that.

That's that's yeah, but that's life.

I'm gonna use it again.

When?

What?

When I develop my time machine

and I actually go to 16th century.

Where do they buy these clothes?

Do they make them?

We went to Koreatown and we went to a Hangbook place.

What's Hangbuk?

Hangbok.

Hangbok.

It's the type of clothing.

And then I rented all those.

The irony is you're not all Korean.

I know.

We have one.

Andrea is Chinese.

She's Chinese, I know.

And she asked, can I wear a Chinese one?

We said, no.

How dare you?

Yeah, yeah.

You're doing Korean.

Dare you.

Yeah, but look at Dumb.

He looks dumb.

Yeah.

He does look dumb.

And also, I love Dumbfounded.

Let's talk about Dumbfounded for a second, if I may, right?

You guys are all wearing mics.

You filmed this.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're wearing mics.

What did you shoot this for?

Patreon or something?

No, it's for pleasure.

For experiences.

Love it.

So, dumb, we're going through every Asian girl that's there, he had sex with.

Really?

Yeah, yeah.

He's so good.

You mean that wench over there?

Yeah.

Yeah, I used to fuck that wench.

Yeah, yeah.

See that woman stewing over a double, double toil and trouble over there?

Yeah.

Making a bubbly stew?

Yeah.

Pumped her.

Yeah.

The food's not great.

Really?

Yeah.

Zoom in in the background again?

Yeah, yeah.

What are you going to say, dude?

I'll say this.

Yeah.

This is proof.

Yeah.

This is proof that everyone is going to find someone that has their weird, fun interest.

This is proof.

Look at all these people, by the way, that guy with the cool hat and the glasses on the hat.

Yeah.

He's fucking.

That's his chick, dude.

That's his maiden or his, whatever they call him.

Yeah, yeah.

They all got a chick.

And yet I'm alone.

I know.

That's what's sad about this.

That's what bothers me.

Why see the hottest chicks?

But you should have just gone and walked around you and dumb if you wanted to get a chick.

Because then you brought a lot.

Look at Gene Hall.

Look at Gene's fucking face.

Like, where are we?

Yeah.

I want to go home.

I want to write again.

Yeah, yeah.

Bringing me back to my computer.

That's not a happy face.

He's such a computer boy.

Yeah, yeah.

He looks like a computer.

Dude, that face is like he caught his wife cheating.

Again?

Again?

Why are you doing him again?

Look at my face, though.

What am I doing?

You're going, yeah, fuck her.

No, what's that face?

Why the fuck didn't they cast me in Death and Ram?

That's what it is.

You're thinking.

That's the face.

Right.

So, what is this?

What is

there spells we can put on Death and Ram and

we'll have to do that for sure?

Okay, is it like my wicked revenge spell?

It's a formidable spell.

It's powerful and long-lasting.

Well, you want to do one now?

Yeah, but it's $29.95.

Oh, fuck.

I don't know.

Give me a cheaper spell.

Yeah, yeah, give me a cheaper one.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't want a $30 spell right now.

Rival Be Gone.

That's it.

That's it.

That's it.

Rival be gone.

Please be cheaper.

How much?

Oh, $30.

Jesus.

I'll give you the $30.

Okay.

Can we do it?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I just feel like $30.

Where did they get off charging this?

I got $30.

Can you imagine if they asked for a tip?

Yeah, yeah.

Give him 50.

Give him 50.

$30 for $50.

Work on the spell.

We'll talk about other things, but work on the spell.

You know, we're going to need things.

You didn't know his birthday?

Yeah, why did you Google my birthday?

Because I thought it was in October, but it's in September.

Wait, you seriously don't know his birthday?

And he knows your birthday?

It's on my Google calendar.

So I don't ever forget.

We're putting a spell on you.

No, no, no.

You're getting spellbound.

No, you're going to get spellbound.

I need to look at it.

Let me see.

What spell could we cast on him?

Who?

Who are we doing?

Carlos.

No, no.

Spell would be negative.

But like everything I think of, I'm like.

I'll do one.

Dimitri Martin.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Sick him on him.

Whoa.

Whoa.

I can feel Dimitri in me.

Yeah, yeah.

How about this?

Yeah.

Ooh.

Ooh, that's not one.

Ooh, not one.

Hold on, I'm conjuring it.

There's a word.

Carlos.

No, that's not a word.

That's not it.

You ever seen Harry Potter?

Carlos.

Ovintis Magico or whatever.

You got to do something like that.

Compano so calepafanos.

Yes, that's it.

That's it.

You will forever be bound to your students

in a studio apartment and never get laid again.

You're going to get laid again

Your dog's gonna get sick AIDS eventually dog AIDS dog AIDS eventually dude I feel fucked up.

Don't do this anymore.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whoa, your hair's gone.

I did that.

Whoa.

That's a part of my fucking cat.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Why'd you lose your voice?

I was singing last night.

Oh, when you sing, you get this way.

When I was singing and yelling, I do lose my voice.

Yeah.

It was such a loud night.

It was such a loud.

Who do you sing with?

Michael Pena.

Pena was there?

Yeah.

You and Kara working with Pena?

Yeah.

Wow.

And we sung a song that I absolutely hate.

Yeah.

We knew.

There I am.

There's my boy.

Who's that?

Travis Kelsey.

I never heard of him.

Yeah.

I sang with Pena, and Pena was like, what do we want to sing?

I said, it's got to be something that everyone knows that people like.

And so then we're sifting through cool songs.

At first, we're pitching around songs.

I bet you he knows la la la bamba.

That's what we sung.

Yeah, exactly.

Because when he goes,

it's so good.

Pala la la la la la la la bamba.

Yeah, yeah.

No, shut up.

Who cares?

We sung La Cucaracha.

La la la cucaracha.

Is that what it is?

Oh, how do you sing?

You're doing the same tune.

Oh, yeah.

How do you sing?

Oh, la cookaracha.

That that that plays.

Shut up.

We do it the white way.

Yeah.

La la la ukarracha.

They're all the same song.

My favorite Richard Vallen's is Donna.

They're all the same.

Oh,

Donna.

Oh,

Dana.

Dana.

Yeah, and then he died.

He did.

Yeah, on that plane.

We sung that song.

Pour me up another double shot of whiskey.

Everybody at the margin.

Tip.

Tip, tip, pronoun.

And it was a hit.

Branco, Bronco.

People liked it.

No, no.

There's no Bronco?

People liked it.

Let me try to finish it a little bit.

Start one of those songs.

Let me try to finish it here.

Me and Jack Daddy.

Hanging around.

Prehistory books.

Pretty good.

Give me another shot.

That was smooth.

I had to read it.

Make up some.

Make up one.

Oh, another song?

Yeah, yeah.

Hanging round downtown by myself and Easter Island with the statues and the gifts are with my mind.

Wow.

That's actually about

pretty good.

Can you name the song I saw?

Yeah.

Hanging without downtown by myself.

What's the song called?

That's not what it's called?

Do you not know what it is?

You know?

Sex and cancer.

Yes.

Oh, Darcy Playground.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

One of my favorites.

Oh, let me sing a song.

I don't know any lyrics.

That's the only problem.

Oh, do I know any lyrics here?

Hey, Jude,

don't be afraid.

Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself.

It was Clinton.

The Clintons, they are at fault.

They did it all.

So

the best of the children.

Thank you.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, I put the order in.

We got the confirmation.

Rival Begone spell.

By the way, I love that you put out a spell.

It costs $30 and you get an order number.

But what the fuck does that mean?

Why do we get it now?

We are waiting on a rush delivery email confirming that Andrika casted the spell.

The guy who runs this is just wiping off the pizza from his finger.

He's like, oh, we got one.

Hold on one second.

Oh, my God.

We got one.

That's what it is.

Yeah.

Idiot.

Just some guy in a garage.

You're right.

$30.

We were going to charge $10.

You're right, man.

Idiots will do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

So we put in his birth date.

We put in the other person's name, Death and Rahman.

And the name is the cast speller is Andrika.

Yeah.

Andrika.

Recursing the show, the movie.

By the way.

You know what?

I feel bad, though.

Nah, you're giving them a lot of a lot of press.

All right, all right.

Should Andrika cast her spell twice in your behalf to increase the chances of success?

Yes!

I pressed once.

Oh, you had to pay twice?

Yeah, yeah.

It would have been like Andrika.

Yeah, $7 or something.

You drive a hard bargain, Andrika.

I would love to know who this person is and what they look like.

Oh, hi, Carlos.

Thank you for your order from Andrika, one of the founding members of the California Astrology Association, CAA.

I was with that agency for a while.

We are writing to let you know what you can expect next.

Your order will be processed shortly.

Rush, quote-unquote, orders are processed within one business day.

All other orders within a few days.

Please allow extra time for order processing over holidays and weekends.

Dude, they're acting like this fucking spell has to go through a corporate system.

Yeah, yeah.

But this is how you know it's real.

Yes.

Yeah, it's true.

Imagine without it.

I know it.

Like, thanks, dude.

25% discounts.

Did we not get the fucking discount?

We're a first-time user.

But we got a guarantee.

No, Andrika seems to have split off from CAA and is doing her own thing.

But

Andrika provides the same 365-day guarantee.

Oh, that's sick.

It's kind of like Seleno and Barnes.

Oh, let's do that.

Do that one too.

No, we already.

We already did hers.

Yeah.

Oh, I did hers.

By the way, guys, if you're looking to cast a spell on a friend, hit up Andrika Andrika and use promo code BADFRINES for 15% off a spell cast by a psychic consultant spirit channeler.

Yeah.

Wow.

You know, honestly?

This is real.

You know what's so fucked?

Don't you feel it's real?

I know it's real.

Yeah, in my heart.

I know it's real.

It's like a weird thing.

It is.

It's like finding Gizmo in that china shop.

It's real.

It's real.

It's very real.

You don't think it is.

But it is.

Well, you're going to go down.

I'm going to get like a lamp, right?

Or I'm going to get like an antique

jewelry box.

Right.

But then there's a little magwai there.

And all those little.

Yeah.

And those little rules.

Little tiny.

Yeah.

I don't know what to remember as like don't.

What is it?

Well, water.

Don't jerk it off.

No.

No, no.

What was it?

I thought that was one of the rules.

Don't feed him after midnight.

Oh, feed him after midnight.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, those are my rules.

Yeah.

When you find me.

Don't jerk it off.

Don't jerk it off.

Yeah.

Wait, go up.

Three rules caring for a Magwai in the movie are don't expose them to bright lights, never get them wet, and never feed them after midnight.

I remember the water one.

I remember that you can't get them wet.

Yeah.

Never get them wet.

They don't need their self-cleaning.

They multiply.

They multiply when you get it.

Yeah, but isn't like their own saliva

something that's.

How do they clean themselves?

They have to be like cats.

You know what I mean?

No, no, no, no.

No?

No, no, no.

They don't ever wash.

So they just smell.

No,

their skin continues to shed.

They shed.

Okay, I don't know an animal like that, but.

What do you mean?

With fur.

Bears?

Yeah, but they scratch their backs against the fucking trees.

Maguis might scratch.

Okay, Maguawai gremlins do not clean themselves, they're creatures with specific rules and weaknesses, and their cleanliness is not a factor.

The core rules to avoid getting them wet.

So maybe they smell like shit.

That's what I think.

Fuck, you see a Maguai, you're like, oh my God.

Oh, like,

oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, so cute.

Yeah.

By the way, it kind of looks like a sticky, stinky little fucker.

Also, gremlins look better to me.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They can get shit done.

Yeah, they do.

Yeah.

Well, look.

I mean, look at the difference.

Like, hey, steal those speakers from that car.

Right?

Yeah.

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they go to it, right?

A Mogwai would be like, what?

Grab that guy's phone.

Grab his phone.

Yeah,

you got it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know it.

Yeah.

Up the tariffs.

Up the tariffs.

Yeah, gremlins would do it.

The gremlins would do it.

Up the tariffs.

185.

And the Mogwai.

Mogwai's wouldn't because they're looking.

They're so scared.

They're made in China.

Yeah, that's right.

We're trying to stop the Magwai.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

So then feed them after midnight.

Oh, they must get like hunger pains at night.

It must be tough.

Well, there's the gremlins eating popcorn.

Watch that three times.

Dude, they're so much cooler.

They are more rad, dude.

They have more style.

Their fashion's better.

Dude, would you rather have a Mogwai or a gremlin in a mosh pit?

Come on.

It's not even a question.

It's a big gremlin all fucking day.

Yeah.

I think I saw that guy on the lift at

Metallica.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I remember that guy.

Yeah.

That's Mark.

No, that's Rick Ingram.

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Now you're addicted to the Renaissance fair.

Now you're going to go every weekend.

I really like it because I think that it

just makes me feel at home in a weird way.

You look so proper, dude.

It's unbelievable.

No, we were getting so many compliments because no one dresses like that.

What do you mean?

Every photo, people dress up.

You mean in traditional not traditional Korean garb.

Right.

We probably could be the first.

I think Andrea is crossing a line here by being a Chinese woman in Korean garb, though.

Yeah, yeah.

You have to see.

Why don't you get a Korean girl?

Also, Morpheus glasses?

I know.

What do you think?

Yeah, you don't put Morpheus glasses in there.

Although you know who should wear glasses and cover up his eyes is Gene.

I mean, look at those things.

Good God.

I know.

Put something on those.

But she also acts like she's a star already.

Do you see?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's got that vibe.

Like, those glasses, like, I hope it's a Bill Burr now.

Right?

Ronnie Chang.

Look at that.

She does.

She's killing it.

Yeah, she's killing it.

Yeah.

But she's very funny.

Look at that nose, though.

Oh, my God.

Because Eric Griffin's nose.

I got to be honest with you.

Your nose doesn't look small in that photo either, bud.

You both got Asian snazz.

You know, you can now tell how old I am.

Just now?

Yeah.

In this photo?

Yeah, I think so.

You look younger in real life than you do in this.

This photo is a weird photo.

Yeah.

yeah, yeah.

I look tired.

A guy told me today when he ran into me, a fan, he goes, Oh, you're better looking than I thought you were going to be.

I was like, Oh, yeah.

That fucking hurt my feelings.

Yeah.

I mean, you thought I was ugly because you see me on the internet.

People go, You're taller than I imagined.

Yeah.

Would you think I was a dwarf?

Like, what's going on here?

Did you think I was Brad Williams?

Yeah.

Hey, wow.

Hey, hey, yeah.

Let's go back to the Gremlins.

Wow.

What a great 80s movie.

So many good movies in the 80s.

By the way, I re-watched

In Bed the other night at the hotel, Lethal Weapon.

So good.

So good.

What?

What is that?

What's that face you're making?

That's the movie that I have for you guys.

What do you mean that's the movie you have for us?

I'm too old for this shit.

What did he say?

Yeah, I'm too old for this shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Danny Glover is the man.

So I'm Danny Glover, and he's Mel Gibson.

Yes.

I mean, it's got to be.

No, I've got to be Danny Glover.

You can't be.

Yes, I can.

You don't have that kind of style.

You really want to make me angry right now, Debbie?

Okay, let's go through the history of the actors that played them.

Okay.

Right?

Yeah.

So these two.

Yeah.

Just the idea that he's, you know what I mean?

Different colors should be a sign.

But you got to flip it on its head, otherwise it's too on the nose.

That's the whole point.

Oh.

Like, look, when they did the remake with

Pesh was so good in that movie.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Yeah.

Because at the Renaissance Fair, we ran into a girl that has a kid, and I'm friends with her.

And I bought the kid a wand, but it looks like a lightsaber.

So the kid would go,

like that.

He was loving it.

And he hit me in the leg, and I went, ow, ow, and I fell to the ground.

And he laughed.

So he did it for four hours straight.

And then I had to constantly go, ow, ow, ow.

You know what I mean?

I want to disappoint them.

Ow, ow, and ow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it was crazy.

So what?

New love on that?

No, no, no, no.

It's no love.

It's your friend.

But another thing is, is that you see the stress of it.

Of having a kid.

Yeah.

Come here, come here, come, come, come here.

You know what I mean?

It's a lot of that.

Yeah, yeah.

Where you going?

Where you going?

Where are you going?

You know.

But see, our parents never did that.

They just let us disappear.

Yeah.

And figure it out.

I was kidnapped three times.

Yeah, they didn't care.

Molested all three times.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

By Downs Patrol.

Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo.

You're on fire today, dude.

Yeah.

Keep that in.

Wee ooo, wee-oo, wee-oo.

All right.

one's coming pretty quick yeah yeah yeah you got to keep that in that's so funny but um yeah it's a big responsibility but i said in the car i go

if there because you know there's a lot of predictions that ai is moving so fast that in the next three or four years

there might be like nuclear you know weapons being released you know i mean hurry up speed it up

so i was saying is that having a child would be great because if a nuclear bomb you knew was going to hit and you had your kid, you want to be strong for him and hold him and go, I got you, buddy, right?

But if I didn't have a kid, I'd be like, what the fuck?

What the fuck is going on?

I would freak the fuck out.

The real you comes out.

Like the fucking.

No, I'm both.

You are.

Oh, so if a nuclear bomb was coming and you were all alone, sipping coffee.

Yeah, you're going to be cool.

Stoked.

If it's like, map, map, map,

national alert, a nuclear war has started.

Just sipping my coffee and my little breakfast nook on good.

You're not going to call anybody?

Who?

Your parents?

I just talked to them an hour ago.

Yeah.

Love you, Antonio.

You know, there's steps for this.

Huh?

There's steps for this when a nuclear.

Seek immediate shelter.

I'm already inside.

Go underground.

Can't.

No basement.

Stay low.

My chairs are low.

I have one of these like little lounge chairs.

Cover your mouth and nose.

Yeah.

What is this?

COVID?

Fuck that, dude.

Ventilation needs to go off shut off the ventilation i want to keep it cool inside okay well let me ask you this it's just this is you you're dead you know what's gonna happen yeah you're gonna fucking die eventually too i'd rather die now me too later slow death sucks you know what i mean you're just walking on the street and like plop your arms gone you're like what the fuck happened What happened, you know?

Like, imagine though, yeah, body parts just start falling off because of radiation.

Like, fuck that.

Just kill me now.

The big blast just shocked me.

Now, would you get nuclear radiation for country?

meaning this

no fucking idea what you're talking about yeah you will yeah yeah

so it's one of my shows i always go to just to watch over and over again when i have nothing to do what show is Chernobyl on 8 Max very good right

and so you know they would go we because there was one scene where they had to get these water vulbs released and they can only send three men down there but the men were gonna die they knew they were gonna die yeah they knew they were gonna die

When you go down there, you'll be dead in a week.

And three guys volunteered.

I'll do it for country.

Would you?

For country?

Yeah.

Fuck no.

Because if you and I were sitting there, right?

And if I stood up.

You're saying if I go down, if we, you and I go down, if they go, Bobby Lee, Andrew Nantino, you must do this for country.

And it would save the country.

Yes.

No, you wouldn't.

You already showed your cards, dude.

Well, this is what would happen.

I'd stand up, right?

He wouldn't stand up.

I'd sit back down.

Right?

I'd be like,

that fast.

And they go, Mr.

Lee, did you?

And you're like, no, no, I just got back.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah.

So there was a lot of those kind of scenes.

No, I wouldn't do it for country.

That's crazy because

this because it's guaranteed that I'll die, right?

But it's not guaranteed it'll save the country.

It is.

It's a literal guarantee.

Stamp it will.

It does.

Because in that particular scenario, right, if the molten lava seeped into water tanks, it would cause an explosion

That was going to make Ukraine, I think half of Poland, and some other country completely inhabitable for a hundred years.

We wouldn't have even these problems now.

What do you mean by that?

That shit would reach Spain before us, fucker.

You would have died a long time ago.

It could definitely reach us first.

Yeah.

We're much closer to that than Spain.

Oh, really?

Very.

I don't know.

Moscow?

No.

It wasn't Moscow.

I think Chernobyl is more close to Ukraine.

Oh, than Spain, for sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what I'm saying to you is that

it's going to make 80 million people die immediately.

Wow.

So would you make that sacrifice for 80 million people?

Well, there's 360 million people in America.

Do we have to make the decision now?

The commander's standing there.

Okay, commander, can I ask you a few questions, sir?

Yeah, sir, commander, sir.

Yes.

Okay, so listen.

Hold on,

I talk slow.

Where are you from, Commander?

Moscow.

Oh.

My name is Vladimir.

Great.

Go on.

Vlad, the impaler.

Yes.

I love your work.

Wait.

You may continue, my fellow townsman.

Townsman?

Doi, doi.

Toi, toi.

So listen.

Yes.

Just because I do this.

Yes.

What if in a few days something else happens and then it's then we'll send three more commissions.

No, that's why I'm not doing it.

But our offer is this.

We will give your family 40 rubles.

40?

50.

50?

100 rubles.

100 rubles.

Yes.

Sounds like every time I repeat what you say, you go up.

Did I say a thousand?

A thousand rubles?

Yes.

All the rubles that your family can eat.

That we can eat.

Yes.

You must eat them because you're going to have cancer.

Okay.

Yeah.

How do we survive?

Eat the money.

So you wouldn't do it.

No way.

Yeah.

By the way, you just reminded me of that old Richard Kine told me this, an old Jewish joke.

He said,

a Jewish kid asks his Jewish father for $100.

And the dad says, $60?

What do you need $20 for?

That's a great joke.

That's a good job.

I would never do it for country.

You're not doing it for country either, and you know that.

But so some of these men had wives and children.

These are stronger men than we.

No, and I'll admit.

If you have people go to the military.

Your wife and your child.

We don't have any fucking kids.

No, but in this scenario.

Okay, but I don't.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, my fuck.

How How many kids?

And what do I have?

Weigh in's kids.

I got 10.

No, you have more raw kids.

You have six.

Seven.

What?

What?

I wouldn't do it.

So your children will die.

I don't give a shit.

I'll be dead too.

We'll all be dead in heaven together.

But if you go in, they will not die.

Yeah, but then I won't be with them.

I'll be with them in the afterlife.

Thank you.

Would you like their position in the

government?

Oh.

I like your thinking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

How many rubles is that?

20,000.

20,000 rubles?

That's right.

I don't know where.

I don't know where that went.

What's that old Russian saying?

In Russia.

If you hit me with a feather, I'll hit you back with a tank.

Is that right?

Yes.

Jesus Christ.

That's fucking brutal.

I was just playing with my chicken.

I'm sorry.

Live a century, learn a century.

Oh, these are right.

Without effort, you can't even pull it.

Do it in a Russian accent, though.

Without effort, you can't even pull a fish out of the pond.

Don't have 100 rubles, but have 100 friends.

By the way, that's government fucking propaganda.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look, so you're poor, you eat your toenails for breakfast.

Big fucking deal.

You're friends.

Yeah, yeah.

Look, it's all about friends.

Measure seven times, cut once.

What does that mean?

It's saying if you're making something, like if it's diligent.

That's like that's Japanese shit too.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow.

The eyes are afraid, the hens do.

Yeah.

I like wolf analogies here.

Give me the wolf one.

Work is not a wolf.

It won't run away into the forest.

No shit.

Brother.

I wish my waiting job ran into the forest.

This is all government propaganda.

Yeah, that's crazy.

You know, Yakov Smirnoff was telling me about that,

how accustomed you get to hearing when he was a kid on the speaker systems.

Wow.

Just constant propaganda.

And I said, what was like the main theme of the Soviet Union, like as a kid?

Like, what were they trying to do to say to kids versus adults?

Yeah.

And he was like, they constantly put it in children's heads that Americans specifically

were the worst version of humanity alive.

Wow.

Awful people.

Yeah.

Bad, bad, evil people.

Yeah.

And they paint this picture over and over and over.

And you inherently will, you just 100% believe it.

Yeah, and I was like, How did you have the wherewithal to not

in that?

He's like, It just, I guess, something just didn't make sense about it.

Wow, but I was like, That's how is that?

How do you have that?

Yeah, you know, what's also funny about him is that when I saw him at the comedy store, I fucking love Yakoff.

Yeah, the only thing that I remember from his act from years ago was what a country, right?

What a country.

So, I re-watched his Rodney Dangerfield.

Oh, yeah,

he's got great jokes, he still does, yeah.

He still does, He's a good joke writer.

Dude, he's a great joke writer.

Yeah, yeah.

By the way, when I got off my plane today,

the pilot,

you know, I'm seeing the pilots are saying goodbye.

What do you say?

The pilot goes, one kakatai.

I'm not kidding.

What does that even mean?

It was something I said on the show years ago.

Bad friends?

Yeah, you said something about cactus.

You were like, you're like, it was only one kakatai.

And I was like, one kakatai.

Really?

Of all the Bobby moms that I get,

That one, I literally go, yes, dude.

Yeah.

One kakatai.

One kakatai.

Oh.

You know what, dude?

One.

Oh, one kakatai.

Don't do that.

Don't.

One kakatai.

But the pilot goes.

You know what, dude?

One kakatai.

By the way, this is going to haunt me.

Did you laugh?

I cracked.

I thought I go right on, dude.

One kakatai.

Yeah, yeah.

That one's make because the bobby mom doesn't get me anymore.

Yeah.

You know, I'm so glad you got sick on that plane.

I think it's sick.

I lost my voice last night.

No, no, no.

No, when you passed out with

Machine Gun Kelly.

Yeah.

Because I saw Machine Gun Friday.

Did you go to his house?

No, I went to his, he just showed up at the store.

He invited us to a party.

He did?

Yeah.

And he hugged me as if we were like Vietnam vets.

He's the fucking best.

One of the nice.

In my mind, I'm always like, I'm so glad Andrew almost died.

Just for that relationship to me and Florida.

Thank you.

It was incredible.

No, it was.

Yeah.

Yeah, of all the Bobby moms I get, I got him.

I I was in Vegas this weekend.

It's a million Bobby moms everywhere.

Wow.

The dealer.

Yeah, the dealer said Bobby Mom.

He goes, hey, Bobby Mom.

They call me Bobby Mom.

Yeah, yeah.

They don't fucking, I think some of them don't know my.

Some guy said Anthony Santini.

And I was like, yeah, yeah.

Just call me Bobby Mom.

Oh, Yakov called you Santana.

Santana, yeah.

Santana.

He didn't say your first name.

He goes, well, Santana told me, you know what I mean?

And I'm like, that's not his name.

I am good at guitar.

Okay.

So people are saying that Vegas is kind of dead.

Is it true or no?

You know, it's interesting.

I talked to this as we were going to the airport in the Uber.

I was asking the guy, like, how long have you lived?

I'm always curious about the Uber drivers in Vegas.

I'm like, how long have you lived here?

Where are you from?

Because most of them are foreign.

This guy lived there for like 30 years.

And I said,

how much of the strip is like, because I don't remember it really.

Like, I just go to my fucking hotel, do my show or gig, and then go home.

And he would, they're knocking down the Mirage.

They're putting up the hard rock.

They're putting a big guitar up there.

Wow.

I read this thing the other day, literally the other day, that Excalibur and those other ones are

no more valet, no more like room service and shit.

Yeah.

So like the ones that are thriving are thriving, but the ones that are diving are diving bad.

Like it's it's the dispersion's insane.

Tourists.

Some of them are so old, too.

Well, they're right.

Yeah, right.

Excalibur, like we said, Excalibur, those ones at the South Strip are so old and they're dilapidated.

Yeah.

You know, talk about

talk about, speaking of dilapidated,

it hits the mic right there.

Yeah.

Hulu.

What's up, buddy?

Konichiwa.

Kenichiwa.

Origate Gozemas for sending me to Japan.

Origato, Gozemas.

Hey, Go demas.

Go demas.

Ladies and gentlemen, Dax Flame is back.

Back from Japan.

Dax, do you need headphones or you don't use them?

He never likes them.

Yeah, I don't like Japanese.

Okay, okay.

How was our little?

Let's talk.

Yeah, take your clothes off.

Yeah, take your clothes off.

I'll

By the way, I've never not seen you with four layers on.

It doesn't matter what temperature it is outside.

Guy wears two undershirts, a pullover, a quarter zip, a jacket.

How was the flight going there?

Good.

Yeah.

What does that mean?

What do you mean?

It was nice and easy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tokyo to LAX.

Yeah.

The LAX to Tokyo one.

I watched two Lord of the Rings movies.

I'd never seen any of those.

Wow.

Because I've seen a bunch of times.

What did you think of them?

They were awesome.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then I watched.

You didn't see Return of the King?

On the way back, I watched it.

Oh, you did?

And I had actually seen that one when I was a kid, but yeah, out of order.

So I don't think I didn't remember it at all.

Yeah, yeah.

How'd you see an out of order?

You mean on TV?

I had just, my uncle invited me to go see it, and I had not seen the first two, and I just watched that whenever it came out, so I would have been like

12 or something.

Did something happen with your uncle?

Yeah, no, no.

Anything?

No.

No.

Did he go like, let's go swimming?

Did your uncle take you on vacations?

No.

Yeah, yeah.

I didn't spend much time with him.

He

I don't remember him ever swimming yet.

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When you travel, travel well.

Well, that's I'm an investigative journalist.

Did you sleep on the flight?

I don't think.

Or actually, I think I just slept like an hour or two.

Yeah.

Well, I'm so happy that we got you to Japan and shared a video and thank you.

Thank you.

Is there any way?

It's 11 hours, a long flight.

Is there any way we can continue to do this as the year goes on?

Just start sending you more places?

Yeah, I'll do it anytime y'all want.

Have fun then.

Yeah, yeah.

Where would you like to go next?

We think Africa.

Yeah.

Can we send you to Yemen?

Libya.

Do you want to go to Libya?

Yeah.

What is it like?

Oh, it's beautiful.

It's northern Africa.

Yeah, yeah.

What's that country?

Wait, hold on.

What's that one?

you want to go there what is that dax

um

that that's the country in africa um what is it called i don't know how to pronounce that i don't know how to pronounce it actually yeah yeah

try yeah try

uh

uh

spell it out n-i-g-e-r whoa whoa whoa that's the name of the country it's almost it's almost sounds worse when you spell it yeah i know you might have just said it yeah yeah what about um would you go to chad that sounds like a white guy player it's like what's up yeah Yeah, what stuff, dude?

I'm in fucking Africa, dude.

Next time, go to Steve, too.

Mark is just north of us, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

How about Burkina Faso?

That's really good.

Look at that.

Have you been to Africa?

No.

Would you go there?

Like to that specific spot?

Yes.

With those ladies, yeah.

Those are my cousins.

How about this?

What about that?

I have it.

I know where I want him to go.

Yeah.

I'm so excited because I've been watching a lot of videos about this on the internet.

Tell me, tell me.

India.

Oh, India.

I've actually been there.

Fuck.

Okay.

Pakistan.

I've never been there.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, he would have fun in his

talk about having fun.

Okay.

Now, where?

I'm kidding.

Like a gulag or something?

Yeah, oh, El Salvador.

No, El Salvador is awesome.

No, but the gulag that they're sending.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's a gulag?

Oh, you know what?

You don't play Warzone?

No.

Okay.

I've heard the word.

It's a harsh prison.

Okay.

Okay, so here's what we need, Carlos.

give me

put up a picture of the united i'm sorry of the of the world okay of the flat earth that we live on yeah yeah and i'm gonna just throw i'm gonna throw something at the tv

and wherever it hits i'm gonna close my eyes but if

even if you hit the middle of the pacific ocean we're dropping him out there yeah we have to yeah give me something light you swing swim dax yes okay his uncle cannot is what something we learned yeah give me something light that's not gonna hurt the tv

You look good, bud.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Hold on.

An Uncle Polly's.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

Here we go.

I'll toss it sideways.

All right.

Ready?

Yeah.

Ooh.

Zoom into that.

Zoom in the bottom right corner.

No, I got it.

Bottom right corner.

Up.

Up.

I know exactly where I hit.

Up.

Up on the map.

Up more.

Right there.

What is that?

What's that town with that little outlet that kicks out there?

That right there.

What is that?

Zoom in.

Zoom Zoom in.

What's that called?

Jesus Maria.

Jesus Maria.

Jesus Maria.

That's where you're going.

You're going to Jesus Maria.

I'd go there.

Let's bring up a picture.

Just click on one of those little icons and you'll see what the street view is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Check it out.

Whoa.

That's Jesus Maria.

That's it.

That actually looks awesome.

That's the best pizza.

But here's the deal: you have to go to that pizzeria creperie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You have to go to this creperia pizzeria.

Yeah, yeah.

Whoa.

That'll be you eating a lot of burgers.

That final hamburger looks so good it does that looks so good it's like a cheese-wrapped burger oh yeah yeah yeah

huh this is spain i know it's in spain asshole you think jesus maria is anywhere other than spain

all right you're going here you're going there when can we send you to spain um

uh may you may yeah let's talk about japan okay so um what did you do the first day there um i think just walked around um

yeah just walked around and

do you have pictures in your phone you can share with carlos and he can yeah you can text him you can bring him up on the screen there now let me ask you some personal questions were there women looking at you there did you get any vibe from that

dex frame piece of piece of the text frame yeah

yeah i i don't think like i noticed that um

okay um you are looking for it no there is are you ever looking for love dex

yeah

Are you in love right now?

No.

Can I ask you a personal question?

We can cut it.

Yeah.

That girl you do videos with, that cute young lady.

Is she your girlfriend?

No, she's my friend's girlfriend.

Oh.

Oh.

That's weird.

That's weird.

Yeah.

But do you masturbate to her?

Oh, boy.

No, no.

Why can I ask that?

Well, because Dax is our buddy.

You don't think I've masturbated to his wife?

Come on.

He has.

I watch him.

It's in my house.

Very strange.

All right, Dex, send Carlos some photos that are in your phone.

Just everything.

Just dump everything.

even a couple of nudes that you have in there or whatever.

Yeah.

But here's the deal: as you search for those,

we are going to continue to send Dax on a world tour.

We would love to.

But here's what I actually want to enact in Spain, in Jesus Maria, or should it be to a closer, bigger city?

I want him, you got to do a meetup, Zach.

Dax.

Zach.

Okay.

What's your fucking name?

Dax.

Is it?

Oh, my real first name?

Yeah, no, that's not your real name.

No,

Theodore.

Theodore, yeah, Teddy.

Teddy.

Teddy.

My favorite president yeah we got i want to do a fan meetup can we do that um yeah

that'd be rad that'd be cool international we have fans there huh in spain he does he's way more oh yeah yeah yeah do you have a lot of fans in spain i don't know

i would assume you have fans all over the world um maybe so i don't think any japanese people knew who i was really but um

but a couple tourists said hi to me that's cool uh is it now who says hi to you mostly men or women

I feel like women recognize you more.

I think more guys know me, but I both actually.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because you know on the internet, you're kind of a heart throb.

Do you know this?

No.

I know some girl that really loves you.

There's women that comment all the time that he's a heart throb.

Yeah.

I think you don't have, I don't know if you know this or you're just playing coy,

but you are.

I've had many, many women come across my way that say, I think he's so sexy.

Okay, that's what would you like to say to those women that say that?

Thank you.

and

Please give Andrew your number and

no

to give to me yes me and give it to me by him or give well cuz they said it why him not me cuz they came up to Andrew and said it to him.

Oh, okay, that's right his logic is very good logic.

Yeah, yeah,

I I also sent Carlos a video.

Um, y'all saw did y'all see that video?

We did cool.

Okay, cool.

I loved it.

So tell me, day day one in Japan

Take me through the day.

Let's see day one I got my flight got there in the daytime, so then I would have walked to my Airbnb and then just walked around described your Airbnb like a room with a kitchen

and

a little hallway and a bathroom.

Small though.

Yeah, pretty small, but

and Shinjuku.

Oh, Shinjenku.

Oh, let's go.

Let's go with these pictures.

Let's go to the first picture.

That one was just like, I took a picture because it's kind of funny.

Well, not, I guess, well, actually, maybe that's rude, but it was like horse sushi.

So, I just thought that was unusual.

Wait, Andrew,

there's horse sushi there?

We gotta go to Japan.

I know.

We can't get that here.

It's a delicacy.

Yeah.

By the way, you take pictures like my dad.

Yeah.

Like, this is sideways.

Did you try horse sushi?

No, no.

Okay.

Are you interested in other meats?

Outside of what?

Outside of pork and pork and chicken and beef, the kind of the standard run.

The trifecta.

I've tried guinea pig, I think.

Wait, stop.

What?

What?

Because

I was in Peru where they eat it.

They eat guinea pig in Peru?

I think that's what I'm doing.

Let me ask you something.

Were there other options?

Yeah.

What were the other options?

I don't remember.

A lot of stuff, but I would.

Oh, my God.

Look at what a guinea pig looks like.

There at lunch in Peru.

But it didn't look like a guinea pig.

Would it look like a cat?

No, just like

chicken, I guess.

Oh, I see.

Now that's strange.

Would you eat?

Honestly, be real, dude.

Would you eat that, Andrew?

Would I what?

Eat that.

That woman?

No.

The pineapple that's on the.

I would eat the old pineapple and the old beans.

And the olives are all.

Are those olives or beans?

I know what they are, but.

I would eat everything around.

Dude, why?

Don't fry a fucking one of those when they're smiling.

A guinea pig when it's laughing.

Dude, he's literally laughing.

You told it a joke and then put it in the fryer.

Yeah.

Okay.

So you didn't need a horse.

You pushed out there.

Yeah.

And then.

You went to bed?

You went to bed.

Yes.

And then the next day, I think I just walked around a ton.

And

quick question.

I'm so sorry.

Sometimes when you're in L.A., there's a certain sound that wakes you up.

Are there any unusual things that happen?

Like

some sort of like a bong or

yeah, do they wake everybody up at the same time?

Yeah, like bong.

You know what I mean?

No, I didn't hear anything like that, but I'm trying to think if there's any sound specific to.

Like, you wake up, right?

Yeah, something like that.

Time to wake up.

Time to wake up.

Okay, nothing?

A guy being stabbed by a sword?

Like, whoa,

okay.

I didn't hear anything like that.

Good.

That's good.

I'm glad they got rid of that because they used to do that.

They used to do it all the time.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

And this is a forest?

That was like just in a park there.

Oh, it's one of those suicide forests I heard so much about.

Was Jake Paul there?

That was Logan Paul who did that.

Oh, sorry.

Wrong Paul.

Retake the joke.

Was Logan Paul there?

Is he banned from there?

We don't know the politics of it.

He's banned from all forests.

Yeah, all forests.

You can't catch him in a wooded area.

Yeah, at all.

He can only live in the plains.

So what's the difference about this forest and a normal American forest, for instance?

What did you like about this?

That was just in the middle of the city.

And so, it was just pretty.

Just a regular old forest.

It is beautiful.

Yeah.

You know, you were in cherry blossom season, right?

I think that I kind of missed it.

It just ended?

Yeah.

Wow.

Damn.

Wow.

Because I went there during cherry.

It was beautiful.

Okay.

I do think it's early in the April, right?

Yeah.

Marching.

Yeah.

Okay.

I think they said it was like a week later.

What is this?

That was just a store with a bunch of

stuff.

You like like stuff, huh?

Yeah.

Is it toys?

It's a lot of stuff.

Yeah, little toys.

They look vintage almost.

I think they were maybe.

Oh, that's cool, dude.

That is very cool.

Yeah, yeah.

I went to that.

That's at some mall that has just a billion stores.

And then I went there specifically because Carlos had asked for something from Japan for like and I like used underwear from a vending machine.

Oh, yeah, you got him used underwear.

Yeah, because I appreciate that.

And did you...

Did you get us anything?

I got y'all gifts.

Wait, well, did you...

Let's go back to the underwear.

Did you smell it?

No.

Look at me in my eyes, Theodore.

Come on, Teddy.

Did you smell it?

No.

I don't have a sense of smell anyways.

Okay, then you didn't.

So I haven't opened it or anything.

You haven't.

You weren't curious?

Do you have it with you?

Yes, yeah.

Let me see.

Yeah.

Will you smell it, Andrew?

Have you opened it since you brought it here?

No.

I have my sense of smell.

I have mine, too.

But it was really hard to buy it because I was just by myself.

Oh, you can smell they had hole as air holes, so you can smell.

Oh, that's all the smell's gone now.

No, you can actually smell it.

Can I smell?

Akiko.

No, you know what I thought you were going to say?

This is akiko.

Is that akiko?

Akiko.

Oh, yeah.

So they're used.

Yeah.

Wow.

Wow.

This is what Carlos wanted.

Imagine the guy that put these on.

Oh, my God.

It's a big fat dude that puts it.

They put these on sumo wrestlers.

Wow.

What do you think, Dax?

They look like pretty.

They look pretty.

Can you smell the part?

You can.

It's so weird.

Akiko.

Akiko.

Is that Akiko?

There was a man who came up to the machine and bought some right before me because I was like just standing there looking for for a while because I just felt too nervous to walk up to it and do it.

But I saw someone do it and then I went and did it.

Wow.

So you got did you blush?

Good hands.

Oh, I went to a baseball game one day.

Oh, that's right.

We saw that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that was...

Oh, yeah, that's the machine.

That's the machine.

Wow.

How much is $500?

$3.50.

Wow.

Pretty good business.

Yeah, it's really good.

What does your dad do?

He owns vending machines.

Oh, like candy bars and stuff?

No, panties.

Yeah.

Use panties.

Yeah.

Wow, that's kind of embarrassing.

He makes $800,000 a year.

Yeah.

It's crazy.

And his grandma makes 5% of that.

All right, let's see.

We don't know the age, what that woman looks like.

Anyway, yeah, let's move on.

No clue.

Okay.

Oh, drawings that you liked.

That was at that same mall.

Oh, that's cool.

Did you buy any of those?

No.

Okay.

I thought that looked like Squidward.

It does.

It does, but

it does, yeah.

So you're really soaking in the culture of Japan.

You really kind of went far and beyond.

It does.

It does look like Squidward, dude.

It undeniably looks like

what we asked for.

I mostly took videos there.

Okay.

Okay.

Did you send him video?

No.

Oh.

We saw this one, right?

We saw this one already.

Yeah, yeah, now did you get lonely at night?

Um,

because you're far away from home, not really, because I fell asleep pretty early there, um, because of like sleep schedule.

Um,

and then mostly I just walk all day and then fall asleep quickly.

Oh,

but one

did you ever go out at night and go nightlife in it and go?

I didn't do nightlife stuff, uh,

but I did like walk around at night just to look around.

That's what I mean.

But did you go to a nightclub, get your moves on?

No, no.

Well, okay.

What did you do?

What did you do?

The more like eventful things was,

I went to like a baseball game.

Oh, lovely.

And then I ran into a stranger who offered to buy me sushi, and he was super nice.

He was a fan.

Wait, what?

You look.

Oh, he was a fan.

Yeah.

What did he look like?

A Japanese guy named Sho.

Oh,

so he was a Japanese guy that recognized you from the internet.

How did he come up?

Are you Daxa Falve?

What did he do?

He said, Dex.

Daxu.

And then,

yeah, just said nice to meet you and stuff.

I just want to get

Dexa.

Doxo.

Frame.

Frame.

Nice to meet you.

That's all he said.

How'd you know that he was a fan?

Big fan.

Oh, he said that.

He's just pointing at a fan.

He likes you guys a lot.

Oh, he does?

Show, we love you, dog.

We love you, Show.

Yeah.

Okay.

Good sushi?

Yes.

Okay.

How much did he spend on you?

I didn't ask, but he actually, I said you don't have to buy it, and then he just offered to buy it still.

It's very nice.

Yeah, Japanese people are the best, man.

Some of the nicest people I've ever met in my life.

Yeah, yeah.

Everyone was super nice.

Yeah.

So you didn't go looking for other people your age or anything to go hang with?

Scope out some friends, maybe?

no no okay I met up with a Japanese pop group and filmed a video with them I saw that would you connect are they a big pop group yeah what are they called 5e oh yeah 5e

the women pop group yeah zoom in they're so beautiful Dax they're very beautiful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so we made a video where we were going to make a pizza driver.

Oh my god, it was very funny.

Very funny.

Were they nice?

Yeah, they were very nice.

Did they speak English?

Yes, but I don't think they understood everything I said.

But yeah, now were you attracted to any of them?

Yeah, I think they're very pretty.

No, but was there one that you liked?

All of them, you liked all of them.

Yeah.

But I wasn't trying to.

But if you were, if you were in Chernobyl,

we're back in Chernobyl.

Would you, would you, would you have sex with all these women for country?

Yes.

For country.

For country.

Which one of these women would you

for country?

Or I'm a general.

Right?

My name is Vladimir.

Right?

Tronomo is on fire.

Okay?

For country.

You must have sexual intercourse with one of these ladies.

Which one would you for country?

For

country.

Thank you.

Dimitri.

What does for country mean?

For Russia.

For mother.

For mother Russia.

We will die.

Everyone will die.

Everyone will die.

Oh, including Ukraine and Poland.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

And we love Poland.

We love Poland.

Is anyone interested in

who would like to?

No, we are telling you

countrymen.

Yeah, we're generals.

You must do it for country.

For country.

You pick.

Can I point and you cannot show it?

I feel bad.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, how about this?

We'll bleep out the color of dress that she's wearing.

Oh, okay.

And you can bleep that?

Yeah.

We will.

We will.

bloop bloop bloop when i say

i do that one too so girl with the

people the fucked a girl in the

all right stop it we're gonna bank it we'll blank it out

you know we'll protect you i gotta tell you they're all gorgeous yeah they're gorgeous they're gorgeous yeah yeah yeah gorgeous yeah

now my pick would be be honest yeah i'll pick did you develop a little crush

Perhaps do you communicate with them still?

Well, not directly with them, but yeah, I definitely would have a crush on them, yeah.

On one of them.

I'm saying, we're not sharing with the crowd.

Do you have a crush on one of them?

Well, do you?

Dax.

We have her here.

There she is.

Come on, Alex.

Hey.

There she is.

Good to see you again, Misha Dax.

Good to see you.

Yeah.

So, Dax, what are you going to do with this one?

It's for country.

Would you like to

sing or dance?

Dax, look at me, right?

Dex.

For country.

For country.

What would you like to do with her?

That

have sex to save the country.

Yes.

Very good.

Very good.

Very good.

But we are not going to use your penis.

Wow, that's great.

Anyway, five.

You met with them.

Five VE.

Five.

Yeah.

F.

It's Five.

It's Five.

viv.

How would you say that?

I said five and then they told me five v.

Oh, I see it now, Dex.

I see it now.

I see it now.

Yeah, yeah.

I see it now for sure.

Did you have any experiences that you didn't have in LA in Japan?

Maybe going to that baseball game.

I sat in like the section where everyone's like chanting.

Did the chant?

You mean you've been there

in the stadium?

Could you do the chant for me?

Yeah, like let's go, let's go.

That's how they said that.

Let's go, let's go.

That was the only English part of the chant.

And then they said, and then there was like stuff in Japanese that.

What would that be?

I don't, I don't, I didn't know exactly what they were saying.

Just pretend.

What do you think they were saying?

What do you think they were saying?

Oh, they're saying hello to the baseball.

Hello.

Let's go, let's go.

Hello, hello.

That makes sense.

That makes sense.

What teams were playing?

The Giants and the.

I don't remember the team.

Tokyo Giants, right?

Or actually, I think it has a different name.

Tokyo Big People.

Oh, actually, yeah, I guess the Tokyo Giants.

Tokyo Giants.

Yeah, yeah.

Isn't that who you saw?

Yeah.

Who are you rooting for?

The Giants.

There was...

I went and got sushi.

And I was at like a conveyor belt restaurant.

Oh, those are fun.

Those are fun.

I was feeling kind of like nervous because I didn't know how to get the person's attention.

And then the the girl beside me noticed that.

So then she kind of helped me.

And then she started to talk to me through a Google Translate.

Oh, that's yourself.

The future.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've done that before.

Did you talk back?

Yes.

And that I kind of had a little crush on her.

Oh, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She said she was also traveling by herself.

For where?

China.

Oh.

Yes, good.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

And so did you exchange information?

No.

I just left.

What?

See, this is...

Bro.

You had a crush and you left.

Like in the mood for love.

No, it's not that.

Because that girl knew about the love.

What my point is, is Dagger.

This is what you have to do from now on.

You have one life to live.

You got to take advice from this guy when it comes to dating.

Okay.

I'm saying, because you're dating a lot.

Thank you.

What if I didn't, there wasn't a shot?

Yeah.

I said he's been

swinging the bat.

Well, let's get to the gifts, maybe.

Okay.

Wait, timeout.

Let's go back.

Yeah.

You had a crush on this girl.

That's right.

You didn't continue any of the...

No.

Why?

I don't know.

Your fear.

Yes.

And you have fear of rejection.

Or I didn't want to make her feel weird.

What?

She's going to say no, right?

Yeah.

Anyway, so you got to take risks.

Yeah.

I really want to set you up on a date.

We've tried that.

He doesn't doesn't want to.

You don't want to.

I could do it.

I get nervous, but.

Did we get any submissions to Carlos from the booth to date Dax from last time?

Didn't we plug that?

Yeah.

We talked to them or watched a couple of videos.

No, I know, but we didn't get any new ones.

We didn't get any more.

No.

Well, then let's plug it now, guys.

Let's plug it now.

You want to fall in love with that.

Dax, look in the camera.

Yeah, yeah.

And do your date.

Yeah, you know what?

Let's go contact the spell lady.

Oh, Andrika.

Andrico, let's go back to Andrika.

We'll spend another $30.

I'm telling you, being real.

Spend another $30 for Dax.

We're doing a love spell for you.

Let's do a spell for you, bud.

Okay,

which one would you like?

Amazing.

Amor.

Amor spell.

Andrika's blood, new moon, new moon.

I think it's blood.

Whatever the blood is.

Forever love.

Retrieve your lover.

Sunburst love spell.

Which one of these jumps out to you?

Irresistible allure.

Where is that?

Spell.

Okay, irresistible allure spell.

So this remarkable spell highlights your very appealing characteristics, bringing them to the surface so others will see your true and undeniable beauty.

Once the irresistible allure spell is cast, you can feel more confident and be happy in your skin.

You like your skin, Dax?

Why?

You're gonna like it more.

Why do you like your skin?

Because I don't have acne.

That's the right question to answer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You should be.

Same doggy.

What's your birthday?

November 5th.

What year?

1991.

A 90s, boy.

Grab your wand, dude.

Sakalaka.

Yeah, Sakalaka Nuka.

Sakalakukaba.

What's the other person's name?

I don't have a specific name.

If known, you don't know.

So just say,

women.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Women of California.

Yeah.

Please cast it once.

Let's be more specific.

No, no, cast it two hours later.

Okay, two, yeah.

Cast it again.

At the cart.

We got to double it.

Double down, dude.

You got to hit, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

This came back from Vegas, dude.

You got to hit.

Yeah.

And how much is that spell?

Oh, my God.

There's rush shipping and handling.

It's a spell.

That's what I did for Bob.

Okay, good.

Okay, we're confirmed.

We're confirmed, yeah.

So Japan as a whole, give it a rating.

10 out of 10.

10 out of 10.

Yes.

Yeah.

Hey, can you do a love spell?

Can you do a love?

I'll pay extra.

I swear to God, I have the money in the car.

You owe him like $100.

I just do another love

for me.

Oh, a love one for you?

Yeah.

But do it for real.

I am.

Get the same category that he has.

All right, irresistible.

What else is there?

I'm so sorry.

It's so funny that you, I know you really believe it now i know i do believe it because the way you just did that you were very cool yeah let me read hold on he just went well no sit in your fucking seat i can't read

do a forever love yeah

and cast it twice right three times

and drika does it two hours later again all right just do it twice then okay yeah yeah

so we both get one okay okay so you know i'm going by the way i'm going to italy in may maybe you should come with with me to Italy, meet my parents, hang out with me and my wife.

That'd be fun.

Yeah.

I'm hoping to be there when they elect a new pope.

That'd be great.

Wouldn't that be crazy?

The Filipino one I'm strong.

You want the Filipino Pope?

Yeah,

I think he's going to get it.

But wouldn't that be crazy if I'm there when they're smoking out the Pope?

Yeah.

You know, when they puff the shit out of the thing?

You would know, you Spanish people.

Cardinal Peter Erdo.

Boo.

72-year-old.

Dude, they elect these guys just so they'll die in a year and a half.

I know.

You know, I saw a funny meme the other day.

It was just so funny.

Can I show you this meme?

Yeah.

How are you feeling in general?

Good.

Life is good.

Yeah, yeah.

I've just been a little tired from trying to adjust my sleep, but now I feel like I'm pretty much back to normal.

From jet lag?

Yeah, yeah.

How long did you stay in Japan?

For seven days.

Whoa, so you didn't tell me what you did the last couple of days.

I did the

pop.

I met up with the pop stars.

Yeah.

And then I mostly just walked around more.

And I and then I got y'all a gift as well.

We got gifts.

Oh my god, I can't.

May we see?

May we see?

Yeah,

they're not like.

No, it's the it's what the gift that what counts.

Well, I saw a TikTok.

What?

It's a thought.

I mean, well, no, it's no, it's actually the gift that counts.

I agree with that statement.

It's the gift that counts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I saw a clip where I that you like t-shirts.

I do.

So I got you some t-shirts.

Medium?

They're large.

I mean.

Oh, let me see.

I like that.

Give that to me.

I can wear that.

I can wear this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Large.

And then

I couldn't

find anything specific.

If you don't like them, you could have this.

No, what is that?

It's just, well, it's just coins from Japan.

Yeah, he wants those.

Is this for me?

Yeah, so where's mine?

Wait, you got me two plain shirts from Japan?

It has nothing on them.

There's no symbol.

There's no...

They're from like a popular

fucking matter, dude.

You got me two.

Do you know where they're from?

What?

UniClow.

We have those here.

I know.

We have those here.

That's what I was asking.

If you did anything different than LA.

You know, look up UniClow locations.

I think there's one in the mall.

So you got me

nothing.

Dex, thank you for this.

This is very nice.

Shop UniClow in the USA.

I could get you something else from here.

Thank you, Dex.

This was very thoughtful, bud.

You're welcome.

But I can get you something else.

Yeah, there's one in Century City Mall and there's one in the Valley.

Should we just return these and we can get something else?

I cut the price tag off right now.

Smart guy.

Smart, smart, smart.

No, we can't return them.

Well, because I thought it would be rude.

Okay.

I do have one other shirt from there.

Yeah.

It's in my car.

I don't want it.

Okay.

No, what is it?

Does it say anything on it?

It has a collar.

Honestly, dude, go get it.

No, I don't want it.

I need you to have it.

It's enlarged?

I can't wear it.

Listen, when we send you to the Congo, where are we to send you?

Spain.

Whatever.

I don't think Spain now.

But wherever we send you, get me a specific, a medium shirt specific to

the area that you're in.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

Like, go to like a hard rock cafe

or go to like a Hooters or whatever.

get Hooters Singapore.

I could order you a high

burger.

I can do that too.

Okay.

Okay.

That's not what I want.

I want the thought that counts.

Yeah, yeah.

And you didn't think that through at all.

What was the thought of this?

The coins?

Yes.

Let's go through those coins.

Go ahead.

This is just what was left over.

I actually just couldn't think of something.

So you didn't buy any gifts, and then you thought, these guys sent me to Japan.

I'll just get you your change.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, yeah, I don't know if you collect coins.

We sent you to Japan.

Do you collect coins?

No, dude.

Nobody does.

I'll get y'all both different gifts.

No, no, no.

I don't want another gift.

Okay.

Yeah.

I want you to give him another gift.

You keep giving me change.

You keep giving me loose change from wherever you go.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm fine with this.

Loose change is good for me.

I'm going to be loose change.

I do have.

I don't want him.

I have enough from him.

I think this is very thoughtful to take.

Thank you.

Okay.

I actually appreciate this.

I have a bill, like a 10,000 yen bill that I was going to take to the currency exchange, but I could give it to you.

No, it's okay.

How much is that worth?

$70.

No, it's okay.

It's pretty good money.

It's fine.

But anyway, look at the camera and say, thank you for being a bad friend.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

I just ordered a pizza and when the delivery driver gets here, one of Japan's biggest pop groups will perform for them.

Are you excited?

Yes.

This is an example of the performance they'll get.

This is gonna be awesome.

I think so.

We just got the pizza, but the driver said they didn't want to be in the video.

The driver didn't, I don't think, wanted to be on camera today.

But then if if you would like some pizza, there's you can still have pizza.

Cool.