Michael Jeep Jordan

The Conjuring Last Rites.

On September 5th.

Hooray!

The Conjuring Last Rites.

Only in theater, September 5th.

Richard R.

Hey, I'm on tour.

He's on tour.

I'm on tour.

I'm doing some dates.

I'm going to be at Tempe.

I'm going to be in Brea.

I'm doing a bunch of casino runs in Southern California.

I'm doing the Borgana in Atlantic City.

I'm going all over the place.

Go to AndrewSantino.com for those tickets.

AndrewSantino.com.com.

Say Andrew Santino.com.

AndrewSantino.com to take the tickets.

Go to the tickets.

San Francisco, I'm coming to you too.

I'm going all over.

AndrewSantino.com.

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

We're bad friends.

So I gave you $100 to go to Wii Spot.

Why?

Because you're sleeping in the studio, because your apartment, there's some sort of disaster.

There's lead in the walls.

Yeah.

How do you even know that, dude?

What are you, Superman?

I didn't know.

Can you see through the walls at home?

Wait, wait, can Superman see through lead or he can't?

He can get X-ray vision.

He can't see through lead, though, I don't think.

What do you mean?

He can see that there's lead in the walls?

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Superman cannot see through lead.

That's what I'm saying.

I just told you that.

How can he not see through lead?

I know.

Out of all the things, lead?

I can see through lead.

The guy is faster than a fucking train.

Yeah.

He can jump over a building that's 50 stories high.

Yeah.

He can't see through lead.

I know.

Give me a break.

He can see through copper.

But lead is known for its density and ability to block x-rays.

That's why lead aprons are used in medical settings to prevent patients and Superman from coming in and taking over a small business.

And Lex Luthor is probably his fortress or whatever, his little compound full of lead.

Full of lead.

Yeah.

Anyway, I gave you $100.

I don't know why we got, oh, the lead at your apartment.

And what I'm going to say is, then I said the go sleep at We Spa, which is a Korean spa in

Koreatown, open 24-7.

It's a nice spa.

There's a restaurant.

There's a bunch of facilities, dry sauna, workouts.

If you're over 5'8, it's hard to sleep in those beds.

Yeah.

I'm just telling you.

Why?

Because they're short.

They're for little Asians.

They're not made for full-sized adults.

Yeah.

That was the big issue.

But you also had an issue with the cleanliness of it or no.

Or no.

It's a very clean place.

I don't know.

It's just a thing about, like, because you are naked.

Being naked with a bunch of strangers in like a soup, like, hot tub is just very, it's odd.

Soup?

That's what it felt like.

Like, I never heard it was.

I never heard the canto.

Can I get the wee spa soup?

That's what it felt like when I was a boy.

Like, what are you talking about?

You wouldn't have never.

It's water.

You would have never lasted a day in ancient Rome.

We used to do that all the the time.

Remember back in the day?

You and I, dude?

Woo!

Love, love,

and we mixed it with other species.

Oh, yeah.

There were monkeys running around.

I don't care, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, honestly, this is my problem with this, though.

He says he goes, he can't, the bed's too small, blah, blah, blah.

And I said, I already offered you to sleep at the house multiple times.

Your house.

Turn it down.

Yeah.

He showers at my house.

He showered there a few times already.

And I said, you're more than welcome, dude.

But I think he likes the sadness of sleeping at the studio.

I don't want to inconvenience anyone.

I like being able to come and go at my own.

Well, that's that's really what it is.

Because you know, you're allowed to at my house.

I know.

He just doesn't, he feels like he doesn't want to

intrude.

I know.

It was, it reminds me of this.

When I was struggling for a very long time in this business, I knew I had friends.

You know, you, you know, headliners are millionaires.

Yeah.

Right.

But, like, you can't pay rent.

Right.

So,

should I call so-and-so?

And I was always, so I had to only call my parents.

Oh, because because you're afraid of inconvenience.

I think that's what it is.

But also, you're like, they don't want me in the house.

I'm just a pig.

And it's fine here.

I like the couch.

And then Mencia would be like, bro, fuck again, dude?

Like, every three days.

Here's 500 bucks, bro.

But what the fuck, bro?

Well, you're struggling.

Yeah, I was struggling.

He's making $500

a minute.

Paulie never.

Dude, you just, that's a part of your story, dude.

Not eating, dude.

It's a part of your story, brah.

He's right.

Right.

And I'm like, okay, I won't eat.

One time

I heard a story from Sandy Danto.

Did I tell you this story on here?

Yeah.

That Paulie, one time, they went out for lunch.

They went out for a subway when they were on the road together.

I have some stories too.

Yeah, go ahead.

They went out for a subway, and Pauli goes,

Sandy's like, we'll just take like an Italian foot long.

And Pauli goes, smart, dude.

Half now and eat the other half for dinner.

Yeah, yeah.

Eat the other half for dinner.

Yeah, yeah.

And he did.

And then Sandy was like, kind of wanted the whole thing now.

And he was like, nah, dude.

Yeah.

Half now, half later.

I used to go on the road.

He would go, dude, it's your time to pay, dude.

No, yeah, dude.

I'm like, where are we going?

Potbelly?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Sandwiches, bro.

Why don't we go to CVS?

We'll just get some snacks.

But he was always gracious, and I love Polly.

But another time, I already told you the John Bajuce story, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've already said that many times in this podcast.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I know I'm going to say it again though.

Say it.

Young Bobby were at in San Diego and John Bajuce had just come out.

Big deal.

Dude, John Bajuce was like a Lord of the Rings movie.

Pete waited in line.

Waited in line for John Bajuce, dude.

It was unreal.

And we were there.

He's like, dude, follow me.

And we went right to the front.

So big.

That's a big deal.

Jump the line at the juice.

But he was also, there was no internet back then.

He was also a very big star.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You could just do that, I think.

I would never do it.

I would wait in line.

He's still so famous.

Yeah.

They're from San Luis Obispo.

They're from the slow, baby.

But what happened?

You jumped the line.

We jumped a lot.

And I was so, I was blushing.

Yeah.

Because I'm like, dude, this is like moral, like ethically wrong.

Yeah, to cut all these people off, but no one complained, and we just got it.

So maybe, I don't know.

Now they made a drink called The Weasel for a while.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Prompted them up.

Yeah.

The Jamba Juice line.

You know what I went to go see the other night?

Let me guess.

I texted you.

Let me guess.

I told you.

Jesus Christ, the superstar.

Yeah.

I'm showing it at the Hollywood Bowl.

Yeah.

Did you really go?

No.

No.

Jesus is my heart.

I don't need to go to the Hollywood Bowl.

What'd you see?

I went to go see Naked Gun.

Was it?

Let me.

Go ahead.

Well, the the shirt's great it's fun it's fun you know it's so funny because as a comic that must be hard because it's all jokes well what bums you out is you're like why wouldn't they cast a fucking comedian instead of liam nieson because liam neson's playing taken the whole time oh right which is okay but like leslie nielsen was so fucking unbelievably funny he was also an actor who i know but leslie was a had commit his comedic timing was unmatched so let's cast it now who would you do as a comedian i just talked about this i said it would Steve.

Steve Martin would have fucking hit an absolute home run.

Exactly.

A literal home run at that.

Yeah.

He also has the white hair.

He's got that.

It'd been a great, beautiful character comparison because Steve plays the straight guy so well for so many years.

Yeah.

And the thing about that character is Leslie played an unbelievably dense straight guy.

Like a dumb straight guy, but he sold you on all of it.

Yeah.

Because it was quick and he threw it away.

And it was so...

You would, I remember watching the original Naked Gun and re-watching to catch jokes because I didn't, I don't think I missed one joke in this.

And I'm not saying it was bad.

It was just like it, that it, the, you know, you just have an affinity for that old thing.

It just felt so different when I saw it for the first time back then.

The best was Airplane.

Same thing.

Same thing.

Same rhythm.

I hope they never remake that movie.

Oh, they're definitely, they're doing it now, I'm sure.

Oh, my God.

But Pam Anderson was fucking great.

But the Tomato Meeter, 91.

That's amazing.

No, it's really good.

It's doing well.

I don't know financially how it did in the theaters this weekend because I don't know how many people are buying tickets, tickets, but it's important we do as comedians.

We need to support comedies in theaters.

They'll do another one.

I think they'll do another one.

If this hits 60 million, they will.

Yeah.

They will.

It might.

I think it will.

Worldwide, yeah.

We need that, dude.

We need more comedies.

The Mexicans love it too.

Hey, bro.

Hey, bro.

Nick and gone, dog.

Yeah.

That OJ joke was good, bro.

The OJ.

By the way, the OJ joke was good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The OJ joke was good.

But they gave away some of their good jokes.

I will say they gave away a few too many of their, of my, of good hitters

in the previews, which is fine.

Yeah.

But then I saw a couple of previews from movies that I do want to see.

Let me guess.

The Paul Thomas Anderson one.

Of course.

Yeah.

Yeah, it looks so good.

The Arnofsky one.

Yeah, it looks good.

Looks good.

Yeah, it looks good.

I'm going to see it no matter what.

Based on those posters, let's see what I want to see here.

Tron.

Nah.

But you know what?

But Avatar, Fire, and Wind, or whatever that's called?

What's it called?

Fire and Ash.

Ash.

Fire and Wind.

Avatar.

Far and Wind.

I think it said fire, but okay.

I thought they said far.

Yeah.

Look at that wind over there.

It's so far.

How far is that wind?

It's pretty far.

But we can get on a blue horse and get there.

I don't know what they are.

What are those things?

Well, I want to see their, they've remade Running Man, which I absolutely love.

That looks great.

It looks so good.

But when James Canberra showed Fire and Ash to his wife, apparently she cried really

she said it was a masterpiece okay and then there's my movies coming out i didn't see a preview for it yet what now you see me now you don't there you go you're in that looks good though yeah yeah it looks good yeah yeah exciting better than borderlands much

but the point is yeah the point i'm trying to make what is the point This is an open window for us to start trying to make comedies again.

I know.

We're trying.

We got to try.

We got to try.

We really do.

Bad Friends movie.

And what is the movie?

Well, can I just say something?

I have a new idea.

Okay.

You know that whites-only town that they made in the Ozark?

All right.

No, listen.

I tried to move there.

I know.

So the movie is about you having a whites-only Ozark town.

Oh, no.

Just listen.

All right.

I, right, opened an all-Korean Ozark town next to you.

Right next to you.

Right on the border.

Right?

And for some reason, it's like a broke back bonnet.

We fall in love.

What?

Again.

Yeah.

It always goes to.

I have to fall in love with you.

I know.

Yeah.

So basically, you know what I mean?

We have a meeting.

Right.

I go, this is the boundary.

Right.

Yeah.

But one day you're like doing something in the fields.

I'm on the fields.

And we lock eyes and we go to the boundary and we just start talking.

And then we don't know what to do.

There's an invisible fence we can't go through.

Oh, like, okay.

Yeah.

Like, like now you see me.

Yeah.

Oh, you want to put magical elements?

Yeah.

All right.

It's got to be magic.

Wait, honestly, that is a good start of like that whites only town.

What is it called?

Yeah.

What's the name of that stupid town?

It's only whites only.

Yeah.

And it's in.

Arkansas.

They're called Return to the Land.

The crew is called the Return to the Land.

Something happened for them to drive them out there.

You mean they did something.

No, they had an interaction.

Somewhere in their life.

Yeah.

Something happened.

You know what I mean?

Where, you know, they were like, nah, fuck this.

Well, here you go.

Let's see.

Inside the whites-only town in Arkansas, you don't...

No Jews, no gays.

No blacks, no Jews, no gays.

No problem.

Push-pause.

But it says no.

It doesn't say no Asians.

No, they said gays.

Start it over.

Let me hear it again.

Yeah.

No blacks, no Jews, no gays.

High up in the Ozark Hills in the state of Arkansas, dozens of people have been working hard.

Pause.

Building houses.

Why is it with a British accent?

No blacks, no jews no gays

why is it it's something about it okay go ahead they're building a new community it's called return to the land and it is a town open to white people only they are millennials and gen z and this is a new update of age-old prejudice what we've done here is establish a place where we have community even the dog's white

and that is just for the sake of holy shit you know our culture and that that culture effectively was saying this is a a white culture, a white place.

White American culture.

But what this sounds like is bringing back segregation.

Is that a fair assessment?

It's free association.

So we're not trying to keep other people down.

This is a small settlement in the middle of the Ozarks.

But they are being kept out.

Even if...

Of, well, I mean, you don't let everyone into your home.

Around 40

people across the world have paid to be members.

And while the men do the physical labor, the women take care of the children who live here full-time.

That's right.

They can have their own communities, and they already do.

You might be wondering how anything is legal.

You'll see.

Return to the land is structured as a private members' association, which they believe allows them to discriminate on the basis of ethnicity, along with other factors.

This is the movie, movie, dude.

This is a movie.

The Arkansas Attorney General has said his office is now reviewing the matter as a result of our reporting, and that there is no room for racial discrimination in Arkansas or anywhere else.

Okay.

Can I just say this?

First of all, there seems to be a little bit of room for discrimination in Arkansas.

They got a plot of land.

But here's the most fucked up part about all this.

Yeah.

Is

this honestly already a great movie.

Like, it's already a movie.

You know what it is?

What?

This is like white guys instead of white girls.

And then we just get, they go in, like, they go in full-on

white.

Like Jrski.

Yeah, like go undercover as full white.

Wow, I'm Cliff Stevenson.

I'm an accountant, but I'm retired.

Have you ever seen like an albino black guy?

Like, imagine a bino black guy.

Like, he's, that's what it is.

Yeah.

One of the weigh-ins plays an albino black guy that goes in there and tricks them into thinking that he's white.

Yes.

Right?

Like this guy, and he infiltrates.

He infiltrates the I want to be that guy.

You can't play him.

Why?

You put his eyes.

He could be Asian.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You play his Asian buddy.

Yeah.

I got to be Cliff Stevenson, though.

I'm Cliff Stevenson.

Yeah.

Dude, I mean, this is such a wild.

What were you going to say?

This is an interesting thing.

It's interesting.

Yeah.

I wonder if you just kind of wandered in.

Hey, guys.

If you wandered in?

Yeah.

No, it wouldn't work.

But I don't think they would shoot me.

They did say no blacks, no Jews, no apes.

That's what I'm saying.

No gays.

They didn't say anything about Asians, though.

That's what I said.

Yeah.

I mean, why don't, you know?

That isn't.

Maybe I'm allowed.

Maybe you are.

Yeah.

Make my eye.

I don't know.

You just do smelling salts before you walk over there.

That is interesting.

But you know what?

I want to visit.

We can buy the other property around it.

See, this is what's really cool.

If you really wanted to be a boss, like if you were

a black company, you would buy all the land around it

that would be fucking wild yeah you really want to put these guys out and by the way you buy all the land around it except for one little strip of road that goes in and out yeah but you control the road and then you do a gigantic travis scott concert

right free

imagine on the border just thousands of wait it's just every single day a new black artist is performing there yes yes yes every single day yeah yeah

that would be amazing by the the way, every musician would do it for free.

They'd be like, I'll perform there for free.

That's so

good.

And then on the outside of the black outside ring, an Asian outside ring, then a gay ring, then a Jew ring.

Oh, and you form a rainbow.

That's what they always want.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You go, you would see a rainbow, maybe.

Right.

Right.

And their message would finally be clear that we are actually all one.

All.

We're all one.

Yeah.

We're all just one.

But I'm telling you right now, I bet you money, you put Michael Jeep.

Michael Jeep, Jordan.

Beep, beep, it's Michael Jeep Jordan.

Beep, beep.

Beep, beep, it's Michael Jeep Jordan.

Jordan.

But I bet you money, you.

Dude, can someone at home draw a picture of a Jeep with Michael B.

Jordan's head on the front of it?

Michael Jeep Jordan.

Michael Jeep Jordan.

What if he what?

Okay.

Oh, if he tried to get in?

No, but if he just wandered, I bet you one of those girls would be like.

He's so hot.

He's so hot.

I'm letting that guy out.

You have to.

She would sneak into the woods.

Where are you going, honey?

I'm just going out to get adult milk.

There's goat milk out there.

Oh, whatever.

She would.

No?

I thought you said adult milk.

I thought that was great.

Oh, adult milk.

You're going there to milk an adult.

Yeah.

Michael Jeep Jordan.

Beep, beep, dude.

Look at that.

Keep your shirt on.

He's got the top down there.

God, is that automatic or stick?

Michael Jeep Jordan.

He's got a big stick shift.

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Broom, broom.

Michael Jeep Jordan.

I had a slip up.

No, it's great.

Yeah, we love a Michael Jeep Jordan.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How funny if we get to meet him one day and he's like, what's up?

It's Michael Jeep Jordan.

Oh, yeah, that'd be great.

If Michael B.

Jordan or Idris Ilba fucking walked over there with that accent, they'd be like, okay, come on.

Hey, fucking.

Right.

That's the, you know, that's going to be it.

They're going to be like, watch only, except for some people that we really admire.

Yeah.

Or Tony Thorn, Tony Thornburg.

That's my Asian.

Tony Thornburg?

Yeah, yeah.

Who is that?

Oh, wait, wait, don't be, but don't.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you know.

Right.

That's my crush.

Yeah, yeah.

This is your crush.

I forgot about that.

That's my half-Asian crush right there, Tony Thornburg.

Can Tony be a part of it?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Tony's got to be there, dude.

So this is it.

We send in the hottest, the hottest minority of every race, yeah.

To infiltrate the all-white land.

Exactly.

It's a great idea.

It's great.

To see who can break through.

It's basically this an M.

Night Shamalon movie.

Yeah.

And at the end, we reveal that the whites are all aliens.

They're all lizards.

It's the M-Night Shalom.

Yeah.

It's an M-Night Shamalam Dong Dung.

Shamalama Ding Dong movie.

Featuring Michael Jeep Jordan.

Yeah.

I think let's come up with a different switch here.

No, the whites were always minorities.

They were, oh, no.

Oh, well, that's it.

Yeah.

We pan out to realize the whole world is minorities and the whites are, or yeah, the whites are actually the minority.

Wow, that's it.

They were the only ones.

They were the 40 whites left.

Left on Earth, right?

That's the Switch, dude.

Right.

Wow.

That's good.

Where in America is a...

This is, that is crazy, though, to think that

they...

So they can do this because they set up a private institution, right?

So then it's like saying, I have a club, you can't belong.

And then they just say, I'm allowed to accept people that I want in there only, right?

Like,

I can't walk into a VFW, right?

I can't, I'm not part of the club.

You can?

No, I'm just saying I'm agreeing with you.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So then that's how they're getting away with it, right?

They're just saying you can't be.

But also, what fucking black person or gay or jew wants to live there they don't want to live there yeah you don't even need to publicize it just be like we're going to the woods yeah just go to the fucking woods yeah no one's no one's going can i go

like no black guys is like dude i'm trying to get there it is pretty out there it's 40 people and peaceful there's so much land all they could go people if they want if people want to move to the sticks people can move anywhere to the sticks yeah but if i wanted an all-korean community why can't i have one you have one it's on fucking wilshire

yeah i know.

It is.

But I'm just saying, like, if I was like, you know what?

I just want to be around a bunch of Koreans and we live in a community.

Why would that be controversial?

You're right.

I know what you're saying, and you're right, by the way.

No, being real.

No, you're being anti-woke, and I like it.

No, I'm not being anti-woke.

I'm just saying, my family.

And some dude is like, hey, I don't know you.

Can I come?

I think you can.

It's as if, I think what they're, what the.

Ah, I see what you're saying.

What the attorney is saying is that you cannot keep people from coming out there just based on race, creator religion.

But that being said,

you just own a bunch of land.

Like if you owned 100 acres of land,

you could say, I'm only letting people in there that I want in there.

Yes.

That's what I'm saying.

The problem is they were too forward with it.

Shut your mouth.

Just say...

Shut the fuck up.

Say we're creating a private community and only we can be in there.

Who's we?

Whoever we choose.

Yeah.

Just be coy about it.

Yeah.

Or make up a lie.

You know what I mean?

We have some really fucked up religion.

yeah yeah yeah yeah well they by the way something is brewing over there there's something going on you know they're starting something i know right the you know the you know the crux of this that i it was a dead giveaway that this is like something else it's a membership so you have to pay yeah so obviously something is brewing right i've got the movie actually what is it i have the new switch so basically it's kind of hacky but

it's they're out there right and the kids they have no idea there are blacks or asians or gays in the world.

They get older, right?

And then they, and then it's a horror movie for them.

So one kid wanders out, right?

I was like, what's up, dog?

Reverse, get out.

Reverse, get out.

Get in.

Get back in.

It's get in.

It's get back in.

Because once you leave the community, you're lost in the woods.

Yeah.

Or some guy, you know, I run into them.

They're like, what happened to your eyes?

Right.

I'm like, what do you mean?

Mama.

Yeah.

I saw saw a man who was disabled.

His eyes.

Something was wrong.

He was quick.

Yeah.

He was quick.

It's very soft skin.

From director Michael Jeep Jordan

comes a revolutionary film.

Get back in.

Get back in.

Yeah, get back in.

Yeah.

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Talk space.

We went down in volume.

Did you notice that?

You know why?

Because we're talking to the fans right now.

We're talking to the fans who need to talk.

Exactly, dude.

And let me say say something, okay?

If you have trauma, yeah, you, I know you do, yeah, you too.

Yeah, bad stuff, right?

You need to do EMDR, you need to someone to talk to.

You know what I mean?

You know, and Talkspace is there for you.

It'll save your life.

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Yeah, that's interesting though.

Yeah.

It's a fascinating thing.

It's a fascinating thing.

It's a fascinating thing to move down to the Ozarks and do that.

But if you had never seen a minority, if I was, you're white, right?

Mm-mm.

Yeah.

If you're a white, McCone's the whitest.

I'm not according to you.

So, McCone, let's say you grew up, you don't know anything about Asians, blacks, gays, or anything.

And then you finally run into one.

What do you think your reaction would be?

Fear?

Curiosity.

That's what I'm saying.

I think a lot of people are that.

What do you mean?

Andres isn't it.

What?

Andres saw a black person for the first first time as like a teenager and he like screamed and pointed.

Yeah, yeah, of course.

Spain.

Spain, yeah.

But so you would be curious.

Andres.

European versus American thing.

Yeah, we're.

But you have never heard of him.

No one ever talked to you about it.

He's saying if you remove the context of life that you've lived around other races and people, you've never seen it before or known it before.

It's like

if I go to rural China today,

there's no way they've seen a fucking ging.

Yeah.

They're all going to be like, huh?

They're gonna be shocked.

I don't know about that.

100%

100%.

When have they seen maybe a huh?

Yeah,

I think though, even if it's not, even if you like see, like, and this might be a weird comparison, but if I were to see, like, an animal, I don't know.

I'm gonna like, if I see, like, I don't, I've never seen a shrew before.

Like, I see a shrew, I'm like, oh, I want to go pet it.

What race of people are you comparing to?

Yeah, yeah, one of them.

This is a sucked up.

Are you saying Middle Eastern Peter?

What are you saying, dude?

What are you saying, dude?

Yeah, specific.

Yeah, yeah.

Can I see a panda?

I think, yeah,

I think animal living creatures.

He's sent.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You wouldn't think if you saw like an Asian person that that was a humanoid?

Well, I found this.

There's another humanoid that looks slightly different than me, but not this guy.

There's another animal.

I would imagine if you never saw anybody that didn't look like you, truly, genuinely, right?

For the first time,

your instinct is threat for sure as a human species.

I bet you it is.

In fact, it for certain is because I bet you Shaquille, Shaquille O'Neal, yes.

If I'm a

run of little Asians my whole life, and one day I'm just like, you know, me walking through the forest, minding my own business.

Kadira, Kadira.

I mean, he's so big.

He's so big.

I would probably go, oh my God.

Like, look at that.

That's me.

That's even.

Is that Mr.

Worldwide?

Yeah.

Who's Kevin Hart Shaquille O'Neal?

Give me that photo.

It's insane.

Look, that's Gabby Douglas and him.

Yeah.

Imagine.

Yeah.

So imagine that's...

I'm Gabby Douglas.

That's Shaquille.

I would be kind of scared.

I think.

Yeah, because you.

It's not the color of his skin.

It's the size.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

It's the size.

Oh, oh, it's the size.

Yeah, yeah.

Yao Ming, same thing.

Oh, there's Yao Wishak.

Yeah.

Yao's bigger.

No, but if you saw Yao and he looked like you, you would just think it's an inflated version of you.

You just think somebody pumped him up all the way.

No, I'm.

Wait, wait, let me think.

If you saw, the point I'm making is.

I would think it's, you know, I mean,

like somebody's on the shoulder.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's two kids in there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the first time any race ever saw another different race from their people, I'm sure they were freaked out and thought it was a threat, for sure.

But you know what?

White people always, white people always, people go, oh, beautiful, white.

Like in Africa and stuff, they follow them around.

It's an angel, right?

But with me, it's like, probably probably not.

Well,

what?

You're like an angel whose wings have been clipped.

Yeah, like that island.

You know that island where that Christian died?

Where they went to go try to...

Yeah.

So there's one dude.

I think it was Asian, even.

This is a great point that we're bringing up, by the way.

Oh, the Sydney Sweeney?

The island?

The jeans.

The jeans.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't get it.

I don't get it either, but.

People are mad

because she's saying,

you know, the play on words that she has great genes in her gene pool.

Why?

It's not even her saying it, right?

It's the ad company.

Well, she says it.

But I mean, she's just reading copy.

Reading the copy.

Yeah, we read copy all the time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But what is it?

McCone knows.

He's young.

He gets.

It's like a eugenics thing.

Exactly.

I have blue eyes.

She says that, right?

Yeah.

Eugenics is the idea.

And look up the definition, but isn't eugenics the idea that

you filter out to make a perfect race?

You filter out other kinds of the study of how to arrange reproduction with human population to increase the occurrence of hair heritable characteristics

regarded as desirable.

Right, but that's not what she's saying.

She's not saying only fuck people that are going to give a perfect.

No, they were playing with the homonym and people took it.

What does homonym mean?

Homonym is because of her genes, genes, because it's the same word, different meaning.

But what I'm saying is correct, is that eugenics is a completely different ideology than what's being presented.

But I don't even know how the misstep happened.

It doesn't even make sense to me.

How are these two things intertwined?

Because she's beautiful and blonde-hair, blue-eyed, so they're going Nazi shit.

Yeah, the same.

Dude, come on.

That's not that.

Is it tied to like, because you know, Trump says a lot, you know what I mean?

Jeans, I like, you have great jeans, or you know what I mean, you have great jeans.

Not the pants, but like.

He does talk.

He talks a lot about jeans.

Oh, so they're putting this, they're foisting.

Maybe, I don't know.

Maybe there was a foisting Trump on fucking Sidney Sweeney.

Let me say this about this.

Yeah.

First of all,

her mom and dad did make a fucking hot kid.

Okay?

Bingo.

Okay, so she does have pretty good fucking jeans.

Yeah, she has good jeans.

Good jeans.

Our parents?

Yeah.

Not good jeans.

Not good jeans.

I came out fucking orange.

Yeah, yeah.

He came out that.

What?

Well,

that's insane.

Yeah.

I mean, if we were doing that, our jeans, what would the jeans look like?

Ripped.

Pre-worn.

One, just one.

Distressed.

Distressed.

Just one little side

would be there left.

You'd be little jean shorts frayed at the bottom.

Yeah.

I'd be distressed.

I'd be distressed.

The lowest quality of denim, too.

The lowest quality.

Wow, dude.

The fucking

downtown off the factory.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyway.

The one where when you wear them new with shoes, it dyes the shoes blue.

Yeah.

That's the jeans that we are.

Look,

I don't understand it.

I think it's such a fucking shit.

She's fine.

She's going to be.

She'll be fine.

I just think it's weird that they've kind of like put it on her as if she said something controversial.

She's fine.

She's reading bad copy.

Media literacy is dead.

Media literacy is dead.

Also, she has great fucking genes.

Yeah, her genealogy is great.

She's very good looking.

She's symmetrical.

She has better genes than me.

Same?

Yeah.

No, not literal genes, though.

You have phenomenal denim.

No, no, my denim is better.

You have some of the best denim in the world.

Oh, they're comparing her to Trump.

That's what I'm saying.

That's, I think, the connection there.

Right, right, right, right, right, right.

He says it a lot, but he also says a lot of things in repeat, like billions and billions and billions.

He says a lot.

In two weeks, he says a lot.

You know what I mean?

Like, if they go, where's the health cut?

In two weeks, which is

such a good amount of time.

Yeah.

Because one is too quick.

Yeah.

It's so smart in a weird way.

One week means next week.

But if you go two weeks.

Yeah, people forget in two weeks.

100%.

And if I say,

how long were you over there?

You go, two weeks.

Even if it was like a week and a half.

Yeah.

Two weeks like, wow, you're there for a long time.

Yeah.

It's enough of an amount of time where it's not threatening, but it also gives you weight to go, what?

That was two weeks ago.

Isn't three weeks better?

Three weeks is scary.

Why?

Because it's almost a month.

In three weeks.

It's almost a month.

Right.

That's too much.

Is it too much?

A month is a long time.

Okay.

1/12th of a year.

Two weeks then.

Think about it, though.

Two weeks.

Yeah.

He's, dude, he's organized speech in a way where he knows exactly

how to entice you and then make you forget.

He should have been in Now You See Me, Now You Don't.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's so good.

He's so good at that.

It never happened.

Yeah.

It's really good.

Yeah.

Or when the heat's on, he just comes up with other things that people focus on.

He's so good at that.

Could have been Fantastic Four then.

He's really good at all.

Right.

He's good, dude.

Yeah.

He's like Shin Lim, but white.

He is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There.

Right?

And people go, woo!

Yeah.

And then he's gone.

He's gone.

But you hear him walking.

I do hear him walking.

Yeah, you hear him creaking through the hall.

And I hear his veins and his ankles like squishing.

I can already hear the young

gout.

He's got something going on with the veins and his ankles.

Don't like it.

Look at that.

It's all spilling over his shoe.

That's so funny.

Yeah.

Look at that.

With bruised hands.

Let me me say something.

I mean, dude, it's just like you have so much money.

Just leave.

Why would we just retire?

Retire.

Just get out.

Yeah, but he's going to finish being president for sure.

Yeah.

Zoom into his ankles.

Yeah.

What is it?

Venous?

He has some sort of thing called venous something, something.

What's the disease he has?

Varicose veins.

No, look, it's a real thing.

Chronic venous insufficient.

That's right.

That's it.

Here seriously Trump's condition.

Yeah.

So what, his legs get all fucked up?

Yeah.

Like blood pools into certain sections of his body.

We got to exercise, baby.

I know.

You got to exercise.

Isn't golf exercise?

No.

You're just walking around.

But that's still exercise.

No, I disagree.

By the way, exercise.

Someone hiking the other day, and

the hiking trail by my house, I think it's called Parque Serrato or something.

Parque Serrato?

Yeah, yeah.

But anyway.

What's Parque Serrato?

That's what it's called.

There was a sign that said that.

Serrato means closed?

Oh.

Park closed.

Did you already walk out of there?

I did it anyway.

Careful.

Yeah.

Parque Serrato.

Oh, dumb.

I did it.

You're so dumb.

You're one of my favorite people.

So anyway, and I don't want to be mean.

And

I don't know.

Let me just throw it out there.

Say it.

Something happened.

Number one, right?

This part, this hiking trail goes to the top of this mountain.

Right.

And what I usually do is I turn around back.

So I'm just like, because I don't know what's on the other side.

You ever done that before?

I usually try to finish it, but I see, I map it out first.

But when you're on the top of the mountain, you look down, you don't know where it leads.

Well, then I'm not doing it.

Right.

But this time I went, you know what?

I'm going to go where it leads.

Mistake.

Where'd you end up?

Miles.

Miles away.

Miles away.

I ended up in a residential area.

But you were by yourself?

By myself.

Don't do that.

I told you not to.

Yeah.

And that light was going, you know what I mean?

Right.

But thankfully, there was a lime scooter.

There was.

I lined back to my car.

I was going to say, you walked on the other side of the hill and you ended up at the Whites only, Arkansas land.

Yeah.

And there was a lady, and I don't want to make fun of her.

And I'm not trying to make fun of her.

I just was confused by it.

There was a lady in the beginning of the trail, like literally right when you start going up.

And she was like on a TikTok.

And she's like, Yeah.

And she was very heavy set.

Can I just let me finish it and then we'll cut it out.

God.

All right.

And she goes, Hey guys, so I'm doing it.

Hiking.

You know what I mean?

Doing the exercise.

Right.

And in my heart, I was like, oh, good for you.

This is great.

Right.

So I start walking up.

Right.

At no point, would it turn around?

The medive helicopter comes in.

So there's two things.

Yeah.

Number one, it was for show.

Well, no, maybe she, maybe she's just taking it slow.

Or number two, she had already gone to the limit.

At the start?

She's like, hey, I got there.

They say half of the the journey is getting to the gym.

Yeah, but I was concerned for her.

I was like, oh, where is she?

It was out of concern.

It wasn't trying to make fun of that story, what I just said.

Yeah, it was.

No, it wasn't.

There was a guy that was running on the hike the other day who had on a full sweatsuit.

He was 87 degrees.

That blows my mind.

Why do people do this?

Yeah.

I'm like, dude, you're going to pass out.

What?

Wrestlers?

He's not in high school.

This guy was in late 30s.

He was like a man who was running on the trail, dripping in sweat.

And I was like, such a weird game, dude.

Because you're asking for dehydration and then overheating.

Dude, because I told you this story.

My buddy EP's friend, they were hiking and he had to get medevaced out.

His lung collapsed

because he doesn't really hike often.

And he was like, I'll go hike.

He smokes weed all fucking.

Oh my God.

They had to medevac him out.

Oh my God.

His lung collapsed.

Yeah, but there are benches.

You can just rest.

I'll tell him that.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, the amount of people that I used to, when I used to live by Runyon and I would go hike that every day,

the amount of people I saw get medevaced out of there, it was at least once a month.

Wow.

They'd have to bring it because someone would get way up on the, on the, you know, on the hard side, on the other side of the park.

Yeah.

And they'd be stuck and maybe panic or not be able to breathe.

Yeah.

It's, those are some steep hills out there.

Oh, dude.

It's, and it's also a nightmare.

When you do the Hollywood sign, it's like five miles.

Yeah, I can't do that.

It's high, it's a long way to go.

Also, in terms of fashion, can I just trailing fashion?

Enough white people wearing the rice patty hats.

Oh, only you can wear it.

I'm just saying.

They have these gigantic Saigon rice hats.

Well, then take off that baseball hat.

That's ours.

That's not us.

That's ours.

Go to Japan.

Baseball is born in America.

Those are our hats.

Okay.

Take it off.

If I can wear rice hats.

All right, you can wear rice hats.

That's my bad, dude.

My bad.

You can wear the rice hats.

Which race of hats can I wear?

I can wear a rice patty hat?

Yeah.

Can I wear...

But it's like, how about this?

What if I wear one of those like armor, you know what I mean?

Like a knight's helmet.

That's rad.

Yeah, but like, would that offend you if I wore a knight's helmet?

No, pretty uncomfortable.

I know.

Okay, so I can wear that.

You can wear the Rats Batty.

Thank you.

What's another white thing I could wear?

What are those, you know, in London, the big,

you know, the black little puffy hat?

The Royal Guard.

Royal Guard.

Royal Guard hat.

Yeah, I'm going to wear one of those.

Yeah.

You okay with that?

I think you should wear that.

Okay.

Could I wear like an Abe Lincoln top hat?

Yeah, you're white.

That's right.

Yeah.

Don't forget.

Yeah.

That's what, by the way, all our people in Arkansas should be wearing top hats.

Yeah.

Right.

Just to go hit

your slaves.

Also, take your clothes off.

China made those.

China made those.

Yeah.

Take your clothes off.

China made those.

Yeah.

In fact, that's what I want to do.

I want to be an Asian inspector over there.

By the way, I'm going to look at every made in China thing.

You know what I mean?

And I'm going to take it out of your fucking house.

But you're Korean.

If I could lie, they're not going to know the difference.

No, I don't.

Yeah.

I'm telling you.

McCone, if you were like never seen an Asian like the premise before, and I told you I was Chinese, you would believe me.

100%.

Okay.

Zoom in.

Korean inventions are all the beauty products.

By the way, I hear this all the time from, dude, my sister, my wife, every girl in my life goes, Korea, you got to get me beauty shit if you go over there because it's the best in the world.

In the world.

Beverages, fans, you guys love those little hand fans.

Asian ginseng we created.

That's hard to believe.

Yeah.

Dried food snacks, I believe.

You zoom in because my eyes are blur-blur.

Soju, love soju.

Robotics in general, huh?

Yeah.

Kakao friends.

That's just black friends?

Yeah, that's what they call them.

Yeah.

Kai friends.

It's a lineup of adorable characters that

prominently features a little.

See, this is everybody

trying to jump on the laboo boo trend.

You know what that is, don't you?

Of course I do.

I have some.

You have a labooboo?

Yeah, I bought some.

How much are those?

Expensive, the one I got.

Are they really?

Yeah.

I've just seen them.

$5,000?

Yeah.

For that one.

And you put it on your fucking...

What do you do with it?

In a drawer.

It doesn't go anywhere.

I have cabbage patch kids.

I do.

I collect like one of everything.

But I see people, girls put this on their purse, right?

That's the gig.

Yeah.

So

some of these purses aren't even $5,000.

And they're putting a $5,000 accessory on the purse.

It's a fan, like beanie babies.

One day it's going to go away and no one's going to give a shit.

Let me tell you something.

My mom fought people to get a Cabbage Patch Kids in the 80s.

Fought people.

No, you can mine.

She did all that.

Shopify.

You know what, Andrew?

We wouldn't have an online business without Shopify.

I'll tell you that right now.

Right.

We've been using them for a long time right now.

And cha-ching, cha-ching, Shopify does get it done no matter how big, no matter how small your business is, no matter what you're selling.

I don't really care if you're making, you know, bouncy balls made out of old skin like you used to collect.

Yeah, I still make them.

Oh, you do?

Yeah, I've sold two already.

Well, someone's got to buy it.

And

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Zock Docs.

Oh, ow.

Oh, what happened?

I don't know.

You fell again.

I I fell again, but where do I go?

ZockDoc.

You know what it is?

What?

It's a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment, Andrew.

Yeah, that sounds, but how many doctors are on there?

Like a hundred?

A lot, hundreds of thousands.

More than 100,000 doctors are on there?

Yeah, across every specialist.

Okay, but here's the other problem.

They're probably located nowhere near me.

They're always around you.

Really?

Yeah.

Do they take my insurance?

Yeah, they do.

And are they a good fit for whatever medical need I might have?

What's your foot like?

It hurts.

Taken care of.

From ZocDoc?

Eye pain.

Well, do they have patient reviews?

If I go on ZocDoc, do I know if somebody else was on there that went to a doctor?

Yes, dude.

You read it like you would read like in a restaurant or whatnot.

Really?

Yes, yes, yes.

Okay, well, tell me, there's no way to instantly book an appointment.

I mean, is there a way that I get a booking within like, you know?

24 hours, bud.

24 to 72 hours, if you want to know the specifics.

Really?

And you could even score on same-day appointments, too.

No, yes, yes.

All right.

Well, I should stop putting off this broken neck and weird floppy foot.

Yeah, and eye pain.

That's That's right.

Yeah.

And stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bad friends to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.

That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash bad friends.

ZocDoc.com slash bad friends.

Bad friends.

Collaprap here.

Two big things are coming this fall.

Borderlands 4 and Spotify Rap.

So stop listening to that one playlist that reminds you of your ex who only made you cry.

Talking about you, Veronica.

And pre-order Borderlands 4 coming out September 12th.

Rated mature.

$7,200.

But here's the joke.

It is a fad, but the guy who invented it, you saw that, right?

We talked about it on the show, maybe?

Billion.

He sold his company for like $22 billion.

Look up Laboobu, owner, $22 billion.

He has like a bunch of other companies, but I think he just got priced at $22 billion or something.

Laboo Boo Wang Ning, hilarious.

CEO of PopMart, the owner associated with Viro Laboobu Toys, whose company's success has significantly contributed to his estimated net worth of over $22 billion.

This motherfucker is selling bullshit.

It's not bullshit.

It's bullshit.

It is.

It's fucking bullshit.

But don't you wish you created it?

Give me a picture of Wang Ning.

He went from 8 billion to 22 billion.

So it's all laboo boo shit.

Give me Wang Ning.

Everybody, Wang Ning tonight.

It's Wang Ning, idiot.

Ning, N-I-N-G, Wang Ning.

There's the Wang Dog.

There's the Wang Dog.

Look at him.

I'm so rich now.

God, what is he?

22 years old?

He looks like a kid.

Yeah, what is he going to do with the 22 billion?

Honestly,

there is nothing you can do with it.

Yes, you can.

No, no, no.

I'm serious, though.

I'm serious with this.

It's so much money.

He's 38.

There's nothing he can do with it.

It's too much.

If he had 8 billion last year, he already had everything he ever needed.

What the fuck are you going to do?

That's right.

I'm a little anxious to go home because I'm going to be spending, dude.

This is one of those points in my life where I really want to see my parents because I miss them a lot and I don't see them as much and they're getting older.

But I'm going to be spending too much time at home.

Do you know what I mean?

How long?

Well, it's a whole week.

And then I come back for three days.

Then I leave.

Then I come back for three days.

Then I leave.

Then I come back for another week.

That's good.

I need it.

I need it.

I need the family thing, but also

I can already hear my dad and I fighting.

Like, I can already hear it.

Like the last time we got together.

My stepdad.

My stepdad, my dad.

He's the best.

Yeah, you love him.

Yeah.

This is the last time we got into like a stupid fight.

Like we'll just start getting into stupid fights because he's retired.

He's old.

It's his house.

He likes his his way.

We all like things our way.

Ooh, here we go.

I want to know.

No, no, this is so stupid.

This made me laugh.

My sister and I were dying laughing because he got so mad.

We were going to watch a movie and

my sister went out to go get stoned.

And oh, no, edibles.

That's right.

She took a bunch of edibles.

And then she's like, she goes, make us popcorn.

Like, oh, yeah, I'll make us popcorn.

So I go downstairs.

I get a bunch of snacks ready and all this stuff.

And I make the popcorn.

And then I hear my dad go,

use the popcorn bowls.

Okay, since I was a kid, they've had the, from the fucking 80s or the early 90s, they've had these wooden, look up wooden

popcorn bowl.

I mean, it's, it's got to be like, that's the, it's beautiful.

But no, no, no, no, no, no.

Do from the 90s.

Do 90s wooden popcorn bowl.

It's like from that first one.

Let me see the first one.

Zoom in.

That is got it.

That is exactly what it is.

Beautiful.

It's a salad bowl.

Right.

Yes.

Okay.

So listen, we've been using, that is exactly what it is.

We've been using these since I was a fucking kid.

Okay.

Yeah.

And my dad, it's for popcorn.

So then, I don't know if I'm a little stoned or a little buzzed or whatever, but I grab just a different bowl and I put the popcorn in.

He's like, don't put it in there.

That's not the popcorn bowl.

But I was like, I already put it in.

yeah and he's like don't that's not the fucking popcorn bowl

I go it's a bowl you put popcorn now it is a popcorn bowl yeah yeah and he's fighting me my sister's losing her mind laughing yeah and I'm fucking pissed so I was just like oh you want in the fucking so I dump it in the other one I was like well then you're washing wait wait what

why can't you just use the popcorn bowl that's what I know yeah use it no because you know that he's gonna get mad about it no no you know you only did it for spite no no no yeah you did it

I want to get I want to get them rolled up.

I grabbed the first bowl that I saw.

Do you know where the popcorn bowls are?

I don't, actually.

That is true.

Well, the next time, go in and know.

No.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Tomorrow when you go and no.

I don't know where they are.

Yeah, yeah.

Go, excuse me, where's the popcorn bowls?

And so then, okay.

So then, then he comes out to my house in L.A.

Comes out to Daddy's house.

Yeah.

Big Andrew's house.

Yeah.

And he says,

Well, why is that there?

About something innocuous.

What was it?

And

I don't even remember.

It was like a matcha fucking thing that she uses or something.

Who's she?

My wife.

Okay.

A matcha maker, whatever.

And then he's like, well, why is that there?

And I said,

when you get your house, you can put it wherever the fuck you want.

But in my house, that's where I like it.

And you know what?

He goes, Fair enough.

And then he walked outside and I and I was like, that's right.

Dude, what is wrong with you, dude?

Just rage, dude.

No.

Ah, God.

Because he's getting older, right?

Then you go, excuse me, I'll put the matcha thing in the right matcha place.

No, it's my house.

Okay.

But it's probably left just in a random place, right?

Have you been to my house?

Is anything left in a random place?

No, it's very like showroomy.

It's exactly where it's supposed to be.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that thing goes there because that's where it goes for us.

Yeah.

Why is it so clean?

Because in case I have people come over, I like to keep a clean place.

No, you know why I like to keep a clean place?

Because I earned it.

Because I respect the things that took me a long time to get.

I don't understand the idea of not respecting something you worked hard to receive.

How about this?

I've never had anything given to me.

So anything I've got, I respect.

Maybe you should too.

Yeah, I respect what I have, but I kind of like making people think that I'm kind of a hoarder.

You are kind of a hoarder.

I am.

You sent me the video of the two machines talking to each other.

It made me laugh.

Did you see that?

The two robots.

Oh, it's so good.

Yeah, yeah no but you i was lying you keep a clean place too by the way people at home pretend this game that he plays like i'm this neat freak you're a fucking neat freak your kitchen and shit is all organized everything's organized yeah because of honey kalala's sister jules's mom okay so i lives there i have someone clean the house too so that's why it's clean get a filipino live live with a filipino they're the best

She does these things with my underwearwork.

Look under the link right here to get a Filipino.

She does things with my underwear.

I don't even know how

my underwear are these tiny squares.

She folds them in a way they're like a fucking graham cracker.

She takes all the air out.

I don't know how she does it.

It's magic.

We can cram 300 of them in a tiny drawer like this.

Perfectly placed.

Wait, she does your laundry?

Oh my gosh, she does everything.

Oh, see, yeah, I can't have.

She does everything.

I can't have someone do my laundry.

That's creepy to me.

I just don't know where things are.

That's the only problem.

You know, where's the paprika?

And that's why you occasionally use the wrong popcorn bowl

because you don't know where they are.

Oh, that's right.

That's right.

That's right.

But that is my dad.

We're going to get into stupid small small fights.

We'll get into small fights all the time.

Like, look, I'll stay up one night too late burning a bonfire in the backyard with my sister.

100%.

Is that cool, dude?

No?

No.

What's wrong with a bonfire is our fucking Midwest.

You start it at night, take it out.

What does that mean?

Put it out, dude.

Oh, I do put it out.

No, I'm saying he'll come down.

You didn't even hear me out.

Oh, sorry.

I know.

That's right.

I didn't.

I'm sorry, my bad.

He'll come down the next morning and be like, you use so much fucking wood.

And I'll be like, what the fuck?

Yeah, we were burning fire all night long.

Yeah.

He'll go, well, now I got to get a whole new bushel.

And I'm like, well, I'll get you one.

He doesn't get them.

They get fucking delivered.

Yeah.

Dude, it's always the thing.

Where do you get bushels?

Home Depot?

Yeah, Home Depot.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but they'll deliver them to your house.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what I so

what I realized?

I don't know if I said this, but or not, but my air conditioning and my heater, all winter, the heater didn't work.

And you don't call.

You just freeze.

What?

You don't call, but freeze.

You call.

No, I freeze.

Call.

It was like so cold.

But he had 15 layers of blankets.

Shivering.

Yeah, shivering.

Sweating.

And then for the summer, right?

No, no, no, no air conditioning.

Good.

You took it to 50 degrees, nothing would come out.

So one day I finally called.

Yeah, that's time.

Guy comes over.

He goes, bro, look.

And he, this.

He had blue chew.

No, no.

This is the color of the filter.

Oh, my God.

I didn't know you had to switch out the filter.

God, dude.

Do you know?

You just have to switch it out.

And now everything works perfectly.

Have you ever changed the filter of your water system at the house?

No.

That's insane.

But I don't drink that kind of water.

You drink tap water?

I call it Aaron Brockovich water.

I don't drink it.

Really?

I don't want to get a lot.

Polluted?

Yeah, yeah.

I drink it.

Bottled water

every time.

That's insane.

Why?

That's a waste.

Drink out of the tap.

The tap water in L.A.

is great.

I don't know.

We have some of the best tap water in the country.

It's actually underrated.

Our water is tested about 300 locations around the city for over 20 different locations.

Water delivered to you meets or excels state and federal drinking water standards.

L.A.

water is better than most states get water.

But is it better than bottled water?

Yeah, actually, probably because of the fucking ⁇ this is microplastics and all the bullshit that's in here.

This is terrible for you.

Yep.

What about glass?

Glass is king.

Not anymore.

They just did a bunch of new testing to find out that glass also also has fucked up shit in it now.

So we can't win.

So you know what you do?

You don't drink water.

We're not, that's it.

At Bad Friends, we don't drink water.

Yeah.

No more.

Did we already talk about the hurdling spacecraft coming toward us?

We did last time, right?

No.

What are you talking about?

Oh, it's coming in December.

Yeah.

It's coming.

We got something coming to kill us?

No.

So a Harvard scientist.

Don't believe him already.

Harvard.

Don't believe him.

Okay.

A Harvard scientist discovered something.

He doesn't think it's a comet because there's no trail, I don't think.

A Harvard scientist and professor, Avi

Loeb.

Avi Loeb has suggested using the existed NASA Juno spacecraft to intercept and study interstellar object 3i Atlas, which he,

what?

Persists could be alien technology, not just a natural comet.

His proposal stems from his research for similar objects like Amomara.

Yeah, that was in 2017.

Amumamo.

I remember Omomara.

So what was that?

It's hiding behind the sun.

Where he paralyzed.

What are you laughing?

That's true.

The trajectory is behind the sun, so we can't see it.

But we go around the sun.

You go around it, not me.

Okay.

I stay right behind it.

He is right.

Bobby stays right behind the sun.

I stay right behind the sun.

Okay.

So,

yeah, it's coming.

And

that's so funny.

It's four miles wide or seven miles wide, something like that.

Whoa, it's huge, big,

and um, where do we hope it hits?

It's not getting trapped in any uh planet's gravity as it goes through the Milky Way, it's just slowly coming by us, and it'll hit us around December.

We'll be able to see do they think they know where it's gonna hit?

No, it's just gonna go right through the Milky Way, but it's gonna pass Earth in December.

It's not gonna hit us, no, no, no.

It's gonna

hit us.

It's gonna, it's it's not a comet, dude.

I hope it hits us.

It's a it's not a hit situation, guy.

What if it's a bottom situation?

It's a slowdown situation.

It's like, what's up, dog, situation, dude?

So you think this is them saying, what's up, dog?

Yes, dude.

And, you know, we watched Signs last night, me and someone I was seeing.

And,

you know, there's two types of people in the world, dude.

What are they?

The type that sees stars in the light.

You got it.

There's two types of people.

They see aliens, spacecraft in the skyline, and they believe they have hope.

Swing away.

Right.

And the second one are naysayers that 50-50, and deep down, they're instilled with fear.

And I'm hope.

I'm number one.

What was it that killed the aliens?

Water?

Yeah.

And guess what we just said?

Don't drink water.

Wow.

Whoa.

We're the real aliens.

You don't believe this is true.

Of course.

What do you mean?

I think there's a thing.

I don't think it's fucking alien life form.

I think they're so fast they'd be here by now.

And see how big it is.

It's like four miles to seven miles or something.

Like, maybe.

Seven miles is so big.

It's between one and 20 kilometers, so they don't even know.

That's six miles.

Yeah.

It's big.

The most recent observation has a size closer to six miles.

Six miles long.

It's so long.

It's big.

But that's got to be all the guys are on there then.

Then their whole life.

Yeah, everyone's on there.

Yeah, all the homies are on there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Imagine if they left some guys off.

Where are you guys going?

Yeah.

Past Earth.

Can I go?

But if they go.

I don't know if there's enough room.

He said it was six miles long.

I don't know if we have the room.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just one guy that can't stand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Marcus, Marcus.

Yeah.

I heard you guys are going to take off tomorrow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is there any room on the craft?

Well, no, there's not enough room.

Really?

Yeah.

There's 20 of us.

It's pretty cozy in there.

I heard it was six miles long.

Yeah, but you know what?

The living space is.

Oh, I understand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I understand.

Yeah, yeah.

I understand.

Bye.

Bye.

By the way, they take off.

They're like, thank God we left that fucking guy.

I can't stand that fucking guy.

But what would happen if they go,

Andrew Bobby, big fan of Bad Friends?

Dude, I hope.

I hope that's good.

If they go, we want a start, a podcast in our civilization.

Will you come?

Great.

Would you come?

We got a guest on their podcast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have 4.5 million followers in our version of the civilization.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you go, though?

Our guests today say whatever they want.

Totally unfiltered.

We love these guys.

Yeah.

By the way, you know what's so funny is I bet you if any sort of communication is getting through the airwaves into outer space, it's probably podcast because there's so many of them that are being shot out into the fucking world.

This is probably what they're hearing.

Yeah.

And what a bummer.

What a bummer that this is what they think of us.

And that's probably 20 million years from now, no?

It doesn't get there right away.

It takes time.

Yeah, it takes a long time.

Not 20 million years, but a long time.

they could be millions of light years away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Depends on how far away they are.

Yeah, but we'd be long dead by then.

But notorious

in a universal state.

Depends on if we hop on that craft.

I would go.

That Bobby Andrew, we came just for you two.

You can't bring any of the bad friends.

But if it.

What if they said it could just be you and me?

No one we love, no one we know.

But we can never come back to Earth.

Never.

No family, no friends, no, no.

You wouldn't go.

I know you wouldn't go.

Yeah.

I would go.

No, you would not go.

You'd be so scared.

I would go.

I would go.

I would go.

I would go just to protect you.

What a story.

They'd write books about us.

They'd write movies about us.

It'd be our real legacy.

We wouldn't just be known as bad friends.

We'd be known as the two guys that went to space on the seven-mile craft and never came back.

Wow.

We'd be embedded.

You know who'd be teaching about us in the future?

Fifth-grade teachers.

Yeah.

What's there, though?

It would depend on what's there.

Doesn't matter.

Let's find out.

No, no, no.

I have to know.

I have to have a list.

We get up on the craft right away.

It's anal probes.

We're like, what?

I thought that

was fit.

No, we really like to do this, yeah,

yeah.

It would have to be um,

well, there would be to have to have human women there.

My dad just called me.

Hold on,

hey, we're doing the podcast right now.

What's up?

Uh, just calling to check on you and find out when you're coming to town.

Is it Jeff?

Uh, yeah, say hi to Bob, Jeff.

It's Bob.

Hey, how are you?

What's up with the popcorn balls?

The popcorn balls.

Um, well, um,

they're special for popcorn only.

But why do you get so mad about it, Jeff?

Well, because we have things in the house that are to be used for certain things.

And Andrew

was, you know, being typical Andrew being against the grain and picking another bowl.

Right.

Against the grain.

Against the grain.

All right, babe.

All right.

See you, Bobby.

Take care.

All right.

Bye, Jeff.

I love you.

I'll see you tomorrow.

I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Bye, babe.

Okay.

Bye.

All right.

Bye.

He's so funny.

So we get a lot of submissions for different things, but we always get way more submissions after episodes air with the minutes.

These are all late submissions, but this is Carlos Replacement, Fancy.

Okay, let's see some of them.

And

we do want to see some of these.

This is Charity.

What up, Bad Friends gang?

My name is Charity.

I am 25, and I'm from Gaston, Oregon.

Gaston's like a 15-second town.

If you blinked, you probably already drove past it.

We got like two bars, no gas stations, about a dozen crackheads out of a total population of 16.

So that's where I'm from.

Yeah, I'm a bit of a rarity out in these parts.

You've probably never seen a Samoan girl under 6'2 ⁇ , 270.

So

I at least got that going for me.

Funny.

I currently work in corporate finance and administrative assistance

and I'm working to get certified as an independent travel booking agent on the side.

So

yeah, I kind of got the hustle going trying to get out of this crapshoot town.

Pause.

We got to get her out.

All I'm going to say, don't get upset.

Okay.

This is a perfect, and I mean perfect replacement for your assistant.

Yes.

Literally.

Yeah.

She does all the things.

Yeah.

Also all the travel booking.

That's what, that's what I'm fucking saying.

No.

But hey.

But my assistant's camping.

Okay.

Is never not camping.

Okay.

This girl probably doesn't like camping.

She's great.

She's awesome.

We love her.

Got two good ones so far.

Back to back.

Deshaun.

Hey.

Yeah.

The way you said that.

Deshaun.

Just say Deshaun.

Deshaun.

Yeah.

Not Deshaun.

Go ahead.

What's going on?

This is the submission for the replacement in the booth challenge or whatever you guys are doing over there.

Love this guy.

Oh, really?

Now,

I heard you guys were looking to replace someone.

The one thing I did hear you guys say was, you got a bunch of nines.

Why have a nine when you can settle for an 11?

Also, you said you need some women to submit.

I guarantee you.

There's some women in that building.

He thinks he's Michael Beep Jordan.

He's got, but he's not.

He's not Michael Beep Jordan.

Michael Jeep?

Yeah, or Jeep.

I fucked that up.

I fucked that joke up.

What?

It made me laugh.

Because you went beep beep.

You know what it is?

He thinks he's Michael Jeep, Jordan.

He's Michael Beep Jordan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, they're good.

Good, good.

I guarantee you.

He does think.

Yeah.

He seems like a nice guy.

Yeah, yeah.

We like him.

We like him.

A little aggressive.

He's not 11, though.

I don't know why he says 11.

I don't know what that means.

Maybe it means he can go up to 11.

You have women in that building, but you know what you don't have?

It's

give a shot.

How come we still not getting shot?

Nobody wants to give us a chance.

Pause this.

First of all, he has a point.

He has a point.

First of all,

Deshaun,

I do understand what he's saying.

I do wonder what that is.

Perhaps we should have some more color in the booth.

Diversity.

I think we need a color commentator.

Yeah.

And that's not...

He would be funny.

He would.

Yeah, yeah.

He would.

Yeah.

But he also.

Can we do guests?

We could try guests.

We could try.

We could also have people zoom in or face him in if we want face-to-face interactions.

Yeah, maybe we zoom first.

I think that's probably a better thing.

Zoom than guest.

Yeah, Yeah, yeah.

This is Carissa T.

Love.

Love it.

Yeah, she's pretty.

Hey, Andrew.

Hey, Bobby.

Let me get this out of the way right now.

The reason why I said Andrew instead of Bobby first is because his name starts with an A, and Bobby starts with a B.

So now that I got that out of the way,

I just saw today's episode where

you you guys were asking for a replacement for Fancy V

since he's leaving for a few months.

I would like to say that Andrew said

that

we have to be from Spain, which I'm not, but I am Spanish, as you can clearly tell from my accent.

And I'm not from the area, but it's really easy for me to make it

If you, if I get the, if I get picked,

just

let me know and

I'm going to be there as soon as I can.

Thank you.

Pause this.

It's.

Shut it down.

We've got the guy.

It's love at first sight.

Shut it down.

It's love at first sight.

The guy.

That's the guy, dude.

Find him.

Find him.

We've got the guy.

We got the guy.

He's fucking perfect.

He's perfect.

He's an upgraded version of what we have.

It's amazing.

Yeah.

Now,

we're also going to find out for certain

that this young man absolutely lives somewhere we cannot access.

Yeah.

He said he can drive.

And look at the...

Let's do some investigating.

Can you zoom in at the greenery in the back?

I'm really good at like...

Yeah, Bobby's good at figuring it.

You know, like geomapping?

Geomapping, yeah.

He's so good at it.

Yeah, he's so good at it.

Zoom in.

All right.

You know that kind of foliage?

Is that recognized at all?

That's North California.

That's North California.

North Carolina.

No, Northern California.

Northern California.

Yeah, yeah.

Even better.

Is that a truck right here?

It looks like.

Yeah.

I can't see it.

It's blurry.

And you know what?

You know what's behind that truck is a Michael Jeep Jordan.

I got to tell you, I love this guy.

Love him.

I'm into this guy.

Let's find out.

Let's try to get him, though.

I think he said he wants to be paid.

No.

Which is fine.

We'll pay him.

He's if I get picked.

Oh, but we will pay him.

We'll pay him for the day's work.

You know what I'm willing to pay?

Out of my own pocket.

$300.

I'll match it.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It just depends on how.

600 to get him here.

600.

Depends on where he's coming from, too.

Let's be real.

Let's send him a message.

All right.

Well, listen, we're excited for the future.

We're happy for the prospects.

Thank you guys for submitting.

We'll get to some more submittals later, but

Crusoe Tome,

what?

Cariso Tome, Tomoe.

Honestly, whatever it is, dog.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We'll come up with a nickname.

Yeah, we will.

Yeah, yeah.

We'll see you soon.

We'll see you soon.

And also, thank you for being a bad friend.