More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. I forgot that part.
Did it start? Yes This sucks already It's way too loud in my head I don't know who your last psychotic guest was Don't take shots at previous guests Was it Hilary Duff? It was The Duffster What is your name?

Lisa Gilroy

Clap around

Clap the hands of the Lisa

You're so talented

I'm enamored by you

You're what?

Enamored?

Is that the right word?

That's so nice Bobby

I'm enamored by you

Okay

Good word

Did I get that word wrong?

No you got it right

It was beautiful

Okay

I can't believe you make your guest Sit in this chair full of farts. Jack Black sat on that.
Did you fill it up with farts? We did. Yeah, yeah.
Jack Black. Yeah, Jack Black farts, which are magical farts.
Does it get refilled all the time? Because it's pretty firm. Yeah.
Never been refilled. We filled it up one time.
Really? Yeah. Is it not comfortable? It's okay.
I had a chair like this in my room when I was a little girl. When I was a little girl.
And'm actually pretty big Oh I like that character Can you make up a character on the spot Is that how talented you are A baker in the 1950s Wow did you see that dude Pretty good Yeah we should call Pixar or something Yeah call Pixar Give me a character Can you call Pixar? Pixar? Yeah I can call Pixar Really? I'll give you a character One of the cars from Cars But it's broken And it's a bus But it's a It's a little tiny bus That only a shrimp can see Santino this one's for Bobby, right?

Hey, Santino, look at me.

You can have a turn next.

Awesome.

Hey, shrimps.

That's really good.

Pretty good?

Yeah.

Give Andrew one.

He's so good at this.

Okay.

Yours is, okay, okay, okay.

Okay, a guy who's like middle-aged, who's a podcaster who lives in la okay hey what's up yeah back to the show yeah it's so good awesome and there was tongues out yeah yeah i'm a psychic can i be add on to it or no yeah i'm so sorry no no go ahead yeah that's funny okay's funny if you do that character you do the character that's like the sidekick of the podcaster okay go ahead and let's say wait wait wait I'll give you more like character stuff to color it out so like let's say you're kind of mean and you're kind of stupid okay go yeah yeah welcome back to our show yeah idiot guest yeah we. We had a guest? Yeah, perfect.
Perfect, right? That's so awesome. He's confused.
He didn't even know that there was a guest. Yeah, I got that.
I thought you did a really good job. Oh, but please.
Lisa, what company are you in again? Yeah. What are you talking about? What improv group are you in? Oh, I guess just right now I do ASCAT and Dinosaur.
ASCAT and Dinosaur, both UCB? Are those not the two most embarrassing names of things you've ever heard? Yeah. I just heard them for the first time I was out of the same.
Who's in Dinosaur? Paul Scheer, Rob Hubel, Rob... Stop.
Enough said. Sorry.
Enough said. Would you like them? What am I like them? Do you like them? Yeah, I love them.
Jason Manzoukas? Jason Manzoukas, yeah. So talented.
Can I tell you... Is this UCB? Am I I wrong It is UCB It's no Our show is monthly at the Largo Largo Can I tell you a compliment About Jason Manzoukas Sure I was on a sitcom Called Animal Practice It's so good Have you seen it Shut the fuck up Why do I Do I bring up Mixology I wish you would It was my favorite show That I ever did Yeah There he is he is.
There was a sitcom on NBC called, and the star was The Monkey. He's on the right.
Is that the same monkey from Friends? Fuck you. What? Is that the same monkey from Friends? It is.
Is it actually? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so look at the poster, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Tyler Labine, Betsy Sedaro. Oh, I love Betsy.
Yeah, she's great. Who's the girl on the front left? Tyler Labine, he just said.
Yeah. Tyra Labine Betsy Sedaro Oh I love Betsy Yeah she's great Who's the girl On the front left

Tyra Labine

He just said

Yeah

Tyra Labine

Tyra Labine

I actually love Tyra

So the show got cancelled

And it was the day

Duh

Can I get a duh

Duh

Can I get a wolf

Yeah

I don't know

I was thinking

Because it's animal practice

And I was going to

Seth Meyers

Birthday party

Name drop

You know who produced it

Huh

The Russo Brothers. Joe and Anthony Russo.
Joe, welcome to the Russo Brothers Pizza Place. This is- No.
Do we produce TV shows? After Endgame. What? After Endgame? They did Captain America Civil War, right? Endgame.
All those ones. Age of Neutrons.
Chall Challengers Everybody has a flop Here and there Oh fuck you dude What have you done? A movie that you can't even Get off the ground? Right? That we're not gonna fucking do? We're gonna do it You're all talk Wait you wrote a movie For the gang to star in? It's a zombie movie Yeah and he had funding So we're all gonna fly out Not you But I was gonna fly out to spain i wasn't gonna do it right and then last minute he's like i lost i lost funding i'm like no shit bobby why didn't you just fund it i don't believe in the project i don't i don't believe in the project little roy well why were you gonna star in it then anyway can i finish this i was going to the seth yes you have a company and then i and then so i was walking down sunset from the store and um then behind me jason man just walked by me then he looked at me and he paused he gave me a side hug and he goes i'm so sorry about your shell and i go i didn't know him that well and i thought what a nice guy you what I mean? To be there for me in that moment. What are you thinking? I was thinking, well, maybe he didn't know.
Well, I was thinking. He meant, I'm sorry that you're on the show.
He said, I'm sorry about your show. That's nice.
That it got canceled. No, he didn't know it got canceled.
He was saying, I'm sorry that you're on that show.

You think that's what it was?

That's what I think he was saying.

He saw a trailer and was like, fuck, dog.

I'm sorry you're on that show.

Are you guys feeling the puns that are flying around in the air?

No. I don't know what pun means.

You said he paused and said, sorry about your show.

And then you said he paused and said, sorry, dog, that your show got canceled.

Yeah, we get it.

We're seeing so many animal things. It's kind of like the chemistry in here is electric.
Are you guys feeling that? Yeah exactly. Get it? We're having so much fun already.
I've never seen your ankles before. Well you still haven't.
I'm wearing red socks. Do you see them on the camera? Yeah a little bit.
What is a body part that you don't like about yourself? Belly button too deep. Too deep yeah.
Way too deep deep I could get lost in there Yeah Mine's so deep It goes out the back Wow And it's giving me Slina bifida Wow It's very deep What about you What's a body part You don't like Can I tell you I have a story About my belly button You can't take the one That she just said That's impossible No it's just a story It has something to do With that I don't like My belly button Oh Yeah yeah Something that happened So I literally For 20 years Never cleaned it My belly button Thanks for coming by Lisa And I was with a girl It was so embarrassing We're in bed And she goes Why is your belly button black I go what do you mean She goes I mean when I look at it It's like Just like a black dot Well I go I've never looked at it

And she's like

Is it dirty?

So I stuck my finger in it

And I did a scoop

It was like a scoop of soil

Ew

It was so embarrassing

And she was like

I'm gonna go home

Or something like that

She went home

Imagine if you just grew something in there

It would be so cute

Yeah what?

Plant a little seed

Like a tomato

A tomato plant

Yeah anyway And now I clean it religiously So it was dirt in there From you were flopping around in the mud? No it's like 20 years of not cleaning it Yeah but what would get in there? What dirt has access to your belly? You're telling me you're not rolling down a hill sometimes? You're just rolling down a hill You don't frolic lady? I do but I usually have a t-shirt on Okay well I do it shirtless Yeah shirtless And you got dirt and debris in there Is there there a body part you don't like about yourself i asked you first but yeah oh i'll tell you mine what is it my testicles and i'll tell you why it's the wrong color it's the wrong color it oh no no no they get lonely so they morphed into one They've joined each other You've heard the term two peas in a pod?

That's what my nuts do And the pod is the dick and the balls are inside?

You got it

No, Bobby, I'm scared for you

You need to go to animal hospital

Animal practice

Animal practice

Sorry, I'm the fucking idiot

Would have been a great callback though

Yeah, thanks, I'll try again later

Try to use another animal practice reference

But my point is that it's too dark of a purple

You've seen it

I'm thinking about going Getting bleached No leave it as it is No no I had to bleach them Purple color is probably coming from blood Inside your body Which is normal right No it's actually not It's not normal Your testicles should not be A dark purple A dramatically different color Like curdled blood It shouldn't look like that You know if you like Squeeze your fingertip And it turns purple Yeah Is it like that Yeah Bingo And there's a ring A purple ring around The actual shaft Which I'm worried about Okay okay Let's move on That's ringworm bro Yeah You gotta get to Animal hospital Practice Oh fuck Who fucking cares about that show? I know. I know.
Exactly. You've never, have you been on a sitcom? No.
Touche. You're on a show right now.
It's not a sitcom, but you're on a television show. I am.
What's the show called? You are. What the fuck? You're on interior Chinatown.
Oh yeah, but that's not, I'm not, that's not right now. I mean, I didn't, that's on the, yeah, you're on that that show You're a series regular So when you're streaming You're just on something forever So if Jennifer Aniston was here You'd be like You're on a show right now right Friends No no she's on a show She actually is on a show right now It's on Apple Yeah but What are you talking about What are you talking about Well if you're on a show You're on a show So you've been on a show before Yeah Is this show on the air right now It's on Hulu Which means it's gonna be there For a long time That's right So you're on the show Until they take it down You're on the show.
So you've been on a show before. Yeah.
Is this show on the air right now? It's on Hulu which means it's going to be there for a long time. That's right so you're on the show

until they take it down you're on the show. Oh okay I didn't know

they told me I was off the show. Oh you

got kicked off? Yeah. No be

real is that really? Yeah well I think

it's done. I think it's a limited series so

it's over. It's like you got fired

it's just the whole show is done. Feels like

I got fired dude.

Yeah if you don't have a job it does feel like you got fired. In our animated show should do a voice We already talked about it You're having an animated show? None of your business Please Or should I say please Or should I say please Wow Not the last one Oh I love that one That's a really good one She's a lady who is a mailman Mail carrier A mail carrier Thank you Do you do stand up Sometimes a little Okay Do you go on the road ever I've been on the road before Yeah yeah As a headline or a feature No I'm just kidding I was saying like I've been on the road Like in a car Yeah yeah No I don't like tour doing stand up I just do sometimes Stand up around here In the little Different theaters Like UCB and Largo And Dynasty and stuff But if we Like if we had a show Hypothetically Yeah And he goes Hey Lisa do you want To do 15 minutes Could you do it Yeah I could do it Okay that'd be fun Yeah she could Yeah she could Could I do it in this voice Please Yeah I want to do Love is Blind With your audience And I want to do it In this voice and I want to have I want to be in a garbage bag the whole time with a microphone have you always been like this as a kid even no as a kid I was an accountant I was very serious when did this blossom aww that's such a sweet little thing to say um when did what blossom my show the TV show blossom

when was that

on the air

that was such

an impact on me

I collected hats

like how she had

those hats

she was so rad

she's so cool

I remember thinking

about I was like

that girl's like

the coolest chick

on TV

yeah

what's her name

again

blossom

thank you

when did your

comedy instinct

kick in

um

I guess

Mayim Bialik

yeah

isn't she a fucking isn't she like a nasa level genius yes isn't it so cool it's pronounced nasa by the way nasa nasa level genius yeah yeah she really is she's a stem advocate wow can you believe you know what's so funny we don't even know what that means stem science technology, 9, 10. 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15.
Your sister's gonna die in a crash. Fuck.
Let me call my sister real fast. Lisa.
Sorry. I guess it's always been there, your comedy instinct.
When did your comedy instinct arrive? Yeah, fuck you. Well, I want to know.
Yeah, I'm part of your fucking arrogant way about things that you do. Really? Bobby.
Why? Why? I'm sorry, I haven't. I'm an accident, okay? So be careful driving the roads tonight.
I love you. See, that's interesting because you technically won the jinx battle, but because I said something bad, you thought you lost it.
When you go to 15 and does jinx your next akin sibling, that is what happens when you go to 15. I don't know.
Canada might be different than the States, but here it is if you go to 15. Oh, Canada.
I have to remember. Yeah, you have to remember.
That's where you're from. Oh, Canada.
Your dreams are gonna die. Your people are weak.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
That was all right. I made that up.
We love Canadians. They They're the best They just beat us in hockey Yeah

What a game

Did you watch that?

Four Nations

Four Nations was tight

Toronto or Vancouver?

Are those my options

From where I get to be from?

No where are you from?

I'm from Edmonton, Alberta

Edmonton

We were talking about that earlier

We did

Yeah

Are your parents oil people?

Shh

Don't bring it up

We're not allowed to

My dad is an oil monster

Alicia when are you Going to come back And visit me? Exactly LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALAL Oil monster You're the best at that I'm not allowed to ask these questions.

What the fuck?

I didn't say you weren't.

Fuck off.

Oh, that's Canadian.

See?

Yeah, that was Canadian.

That's Canadian.

And you're wearing a touque as well, which is good.

Did you start your career in Canada or here, LA?

Love the word touque.

Touque is an infinitely better word than beanie.

Touque you.

Touque you.

That's what I use it.

That's your cousin.

Yeah, you fuck a touque motherfucker.

You have a different word for balaclavas?

Baklava. Love.
Love baklava. Very good.
You like that? Yeah. Yeah.
It's a Greek dessert. Anyway.
And we're back to Manzuka's. Yeah, right back to it.
Yeah. So did you start there or did you start in LA? Started in Edmonton.
I was doing improv there. Wow.
And I was a drama teacher. Where did you meet her husband? In Edmonton In Edmonton So you guys get moved out here together Yeah Children? No Okay Except for these two Yeah Pick me home mommy Yeah Do you want them? I actually feel a little like Yeah you guys are two little rascals It's like I've spent time with each of you individually And now you're together And you might gang up on me But I don't sense it happening.
I think I could kind of create a wedge in between. Can I see something? I think we've created such a nice environment for you to come to do this.
Not only that and I find it to be rude. Haven't we? Lisa Gilroy, I find that sentiment to be rude.
Thank you. And I want to tell you because it's something you said the last time.
Bobby, let's gang up on her right now. Yeah, I want to gang up.
The last time you said to me you go, I thought you were going to be crazy but you're like super nice and sweet it's a thing that you assume that rattles my mind first of all i didn't think about me i know she said that about you both of us she said she goes i thought you were going to be mean mean that's what it was yeah yeah we're not mean we're nice okay we're fucking nice yeah you took hell yeah yeah dude you tookok motherfucker Well now me and Megan Are gonna gang up on you guys Right Megan She's still skinny She's invisible But she's hot as hell And she's a neuroscientist Wow And Megan and I are sisters And she Oh what Girl you're crazy What did she say What did she say She said she has a crush on one of you and she's not going to say who. Oh, I already know.
That's your way of saying that he's handsome. If it's Carlos, I'm going to be fucking pissed off.
Megan told me, I don't want to... But she has an Asian fetish.
...cause any problems. You think she has an Asian fetish, your imaginary friend? Let me ask her.
You can't say that. Oh, shit.
And you shouldn't say that You should not Megan Anyway Let's play a game Shut up weird eyes That's what she said about me Move on That's actually exactly what she said I know That's what I said Do you guys have some sort of horn sound Or something you can play Oh god We can do it ourselves We do them all the time. Ready? Yeah.
Which one do you like? I'll go first. Go.
That's right. Welcome, everyone, to the Friendship Championships.
Today, I have Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino, and we are going to absolutely test them on years of friendship. Now, I've spoken to the boys ahead of time, and I've gotten their answers to these questions.
It's a bit of a newlywed game, all right? First question is for you, Bobby. Yeah.
Andrew once described your head as looking like what? A, a dead kid's head. Yeah.
B, a toilet covered in piss. Yeah.
Or C, a lemon head. Lemon head.
Your whole head. Your whole head.
Yeah. Looks like, you know the lemon head guy? That's what you look like.
Yay! Yay! I know that. And the reason why he said lemon, because it's yellow.
No, no, no, no. No, it's just the shape.
It's just the oval. The yellow had nothing to do with it.
Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. It's oval.
This question is for Santiner. There we go.
Now, Bobby once described your head as a A, penis, B, a boil, or C, a woman's head. I'm going to go with B, boil.
Your whole head looks like a fucking boil. Yay! Awesome.
This is great. What a fun show.

Yeah.

And for the final round,

final round,

final round.

Whoa!

Wow.

Exactly.

Okay.

This question is for Bobby.

If Santino grew up with you

and was a little boy with you

when you were both growing up

as little boys, what would he do every day This is an open ended question He would give me a wedgie Let's take a look at the board If I grew up with you I would have punched you as hard as I could Every day Okay Very close I don't think that's true I think it's true and it's rude up together. Yeah.
You already said, you'd punch him as hard as you could every day. We'd be, you know how close we would have been when we were little boys.
I know. If we were the same generation.
No, I know. That's not taking a shot.
I'm saying if we literally grew up in the same time, we would have been such buddies. Troublemaker, dude.
You know what I would do with you if you were my sister? What? Every day. That's the show.
I would sneak into your room. you Oh god It's not No it's not weird No it's just Yes well It's not weird Wait I'm listening Thank you Hear him out Hear him out And then I would find A squirrel skull A squirrel skull A squirrel skull They're all over the place Yeah in the woods Right And I would find The perfect one You could just make That right And what I would do Is I would make a A demonic epitaph Hmm Right I would take A hillbilly elegy Yeah yeah I would take this Hairs Right Jam it in the fucking squirrels Your mind In their mouth part Of the skull Like in that part Right It would be sticking out I would take a stick Right I would probably put Like frog warts Okay I think that does something Like frog skin The warts Just the warts I would squirt it on it You know what I mean Yeah that makes sense Right And then I would get Black candles Black candles Yeah And I would put a circle And put this Is that the right word Epitaph No Yes Effig No.
Yeah. Effigy.
Sure. Right? And I would do demonic, like, seances.
Now, what would you- Pongo le calci con boledad de pacar. Ta-da, ta-da.
Right? Whatever, right? Yeah. And it would haunt you.
And I would be gleefully laughing. Anyway.
I love that. I've always wanted a brother.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You know what I would do with you, Bobby? If I were your brother? Yeah. I would be gleefully laughing.
Anyway. I love that.
I've always wanted a brother. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I would do with you, Bobby?

If I were your brother.

Yeah.

I would have been adopted,

so be careful.

We could be halves.

That's true.

I would get a soccer ball,

and I would knock on your door and ask you if you wanted to kick it around

in the backyard.

That's nice.

And then I'd say,

I'm getting bullied at school.

And you're the only one I trust. Thanks for spending this time with me.
I take it back then. I won't clip your hair as I make an...
Here comes a bully. Yeah.
Hey, Lee. Stay away from my brother.
I'm sick of your dumb sister coming around the school acting all smart because she's in STEM. Yes.
Oh, God. Bobby, this is my teacher, Mr.
McKenna. She is dumb.
What? Yeah. You want to see my...
I made a little thing. What? What did you make? Yeah.
Maybe we could join the science. Like an effigy or something? Like an effigy, dude.
Show it to me. Keep it in my pocket all day long.
Are those black candles? Yes, they're black candles, right? Whoa These are her hairs You're awesome, Lee Yeah Do you feel sick at night? Yeah Bingo Whoa Tokaji con maluca Goga solo Ship station We have an online business Yes, we do And without ship station I think we'd be lost, my friend I would definitely be lost Life in general can be can be chaotic, Andrew. You know this.
Yeah. As do I.
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It's helping. Yes.
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Acorns Advisors, LLC and SEC Register Registered Investment Advisor view important disclosures at acorns.com slash badfriends. My math teacher in the eighth grade literally did this.
I said something like I'm here or something and he went, oh. No way.
In front of the class. In front of the whole class.
The whole class laughed. And I laughed too nervously.
It's terrible. In my mind, I was like, I don't think that's right.
I think that's not okay. Yeah, okay yeah yeah yeah but you had one teacher that you like loved as a kid that you were like they're so they're the coolest nicest i didn't have that experience because you're a bad kid same i was a i had one teacher that hate that loved me so much but he also hated me where he's like you're oh yeah okay i had one of those mr babin was was mine yeah we all have one that they're like I wish you weren't such a disruption because you're such a like you're a fun light yeah that's so true Mr.
Babin he on the last day of school he gave me a Blues Brothers poster because I loved I was really into the Blues Brothers love and I was so excited it was like at the beginning of the last class and he was like you know you're a crazy kid here here's a poster and then by the end of class he was like I gotta take that poster away from you because you're talking so much it was like it became a punishment immediately couldn't even be a nice gift do you like the Blues Brothers yeah I was really into it I was really into them when I was you don't you didn't like the Blues Brothers no I so I did a move with Jim Belushi iconic fourconic. Four months ago.
Animal Hospital the movie?

Oh, you're so good.

I can't get why I want by you.

That's wonderful.

Oh, wow.

What a wonderful treatment.

What a good experience.

I like it.

Oh, no.

Yeah, I'm about to snap.

Why?

Don't.

I'm about to go all ape shit crazy.

Oh, no, no, no. Ape shit like Animal hospital Anyway And him and Dan Dan Aykroyd Still tour with Belushi's brother I found that interesting Yeah Oh I didn't know that The other Belushi Yeah No Dan Aykroyd And Jim Belushi Oh yeah John Belushi's brotherushi's brother.
Yeah. Jim Belushi, in his own right, was a star.

He was on a sitcom called The Kid and the Jim. Yes, yes.

I just didn't realize that I guess he could sing as well as John.

He can.

Wow.

Yeah.

And he can do a lot of things like John did.

Wow.

Okay?

The talent is in the family.

That's awesome.

Okay?

I don't like your line of questioning here.

She's being...

That's just an honest line of questioning. You're right.
I'm being awful. Thank you Thanks for doing it I love you too Are you okay? Did you have a grumpy day? I was telling these guys I haven't been sleeping much Yeah I've been sleeping And it's been five days of like holding within my cum And so I Don't you just cum in your belly button? No I have not I'm trying to not to You know what I mean Relieve myself in that way That's why his balls are purple It's held up down there Yeah it's held up Like a bank robbery Yeah some people get blue I get purple Okay Yeah and so Purple bows Sorry That's how my dad said it Yeah purple bows Purple bow Bobby Yeah Yeah dad I don't know why I do an accent When you talk dad That's my bad Show me your balls I don't know dad Show me Okay Or your friend Lisa has to go home Alright I'm not Lisa I'm the mail carrier Yeah Wait Is that an oil dad Yeah yeah Alright Boing Boing Purple Does your dad listen?

Yeah from heaven Thanks for bringing that up

I didn't know

Yeah

Yeah

He's gone

Yeah yeah yeah

When an Asian guy dies

You know they say

You take your last breath

Some people are like

Yeah

His dad went

Oh wow

I don't know if that's right

It was

Yeah you think that

It was

You called me

Yeah but you were

You were the one that told me that

the His dad went Oh wow I don't know if that's right It was You called me You were the one that told me that when regular gals Haunt people they go boo And what does my dad do Yeah yeah yeah And that's wrong You've never heard your dad in your house Yeah but it's more like You think your dad's haunting you for real Do think your dad's haunting you? I think his lower half is And it's possessing your balls And that's what made them all Yeah My theory is this Lisa Gilbert if you want to hear I'd love to hear it When my father died My brother and I argued about the ashes Yeah So then I go Just split them up But I go Make sure my brother gets the upper half And I get the bottom half. Because if a ghost haunts you, you'd rather hear footsteps than the actual poodoo-doo-doo.
Yeah, that's true. Right? Have you ever been haunted? I don't really think so.
Uh-oh. Sounds like someone has a traumatic event.
Yeah. I didn't.
What happened? I heard a little girl's voice once in my house.

But that's it.

That's a haunting.

Go on, go on, go on.

That's it.

That's all that happened.

No, there was something else happened. What did it say?

It said,

one day in the future,

you're going to go on a podcast with two guys

and you have to kill them and slit their throats

before they get in their cars and get in the parking lot.

And if you don't, you will never be avenged.

You will never survive the curse.

Wow. That's why I'm here.
I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah.
I didn't want to. And that's why Swing! That's why I clip your hairs.
Yeah. Okay, and make a squirrel apataph.
Yeah. I wish you would kill me.
Yeah, me too. You had a grumpy day too? You're not sleeping, bud? i actually had a really nice day that's why i want to die oh because you'd be going out on a high note yeah we did everything i wanted to do it talked about animal practice yeah blues brothers and you know what me me too come on kill us both i'm gonna kill you guys both but first i'm gonna take you okay this is what i'm gonna do i'm gonna give you all the chocolate you ever wanted to eat i'm gonna I'm going to take you to a beach where you can run around and go crazy.
Come on. I'm going to kill you guys both, but first I'm going to take you.
Okay, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you all the chocolate you ever wanted to eat.
I'm going to take you to a beach where you can run around and go crazy. Come on.
I'm going to let you eat grapes, cheese, all the stuff that you weren't allowed to eat before. Grapes and cheese? Both? Yeah, I'm going to let you up on the couch.
Not even with the blanket there. You can just come right up.
Shoes on. Snuggle with me.
Shoes on. I'll give you belly rubs.
Do both of them the belly rubs remember his belly oh yeah um it's your last time you get a belly rub what's up i'm sorry i said that i clean them out now my belly buttons it's so interesting you have two belly buttons and one ball yeah anyway watch it thank you you have an audi uh no i have a bronco oh The fast huh? You have an innie Or an outie belly button? Innie Don't say it like People don't have Audis I've never seen an Audi Huh? You have an outie or innie Why do I feel like Only like 8 year old boys Have outies? Yeah Because they get them fixed At some point They get them fixed Or they get them like Pushed in That's an outie? No thank you They don't push them in Oh yeah You gotta get your uncle I think you have an Audi

Based on that photo

Can I just show you

Yeah

No you do have an Audi

Oh no that's an Innie Audi

That's an Innie Audi

Like Severance

Yeah

Oh Innie Audi

Oh I have a Severance belly button

Yeah

Wow

Do you like that show

Yeah I love it

It's a great show

Can't get enough of this stuff

Yeah

There's a lot of good shows out now

I haven't seen anything

You've never seen Severance

Let's go. Do you like that show? Yeah, I love it It's a great show Can't get enough of this stuff Yeah There's a lot of good shows out now I haven't seen anything You've never seen Severance? I watched the start And then I fell asleep on the plane And then I never got back to it I did see a documentary about that girl That faked that she had brain cancer Oh, I watched the series of that Apple cider vinegar I heard that wasn't as good Oh, I loved it But I haven't seen what you've seen And you haven't seen what I've seen.
Do you want to run at each other full speed in terms of this? Okay, I don't know anything what you're talking about, so I want to see it. Apple Cider Vinegar is the show about the girl who fakes that she has.
She's an Australian girl named Belle Gibson. Belle Gibson.
And Belle Gibson. She's from Melbourne.
It really drove me nuts that they kept calling her in the documentary Belle Gibson, because it sounds like Belle Gibson. They say it all the time like, well, that's when Belle Gibson went on her little tirade.
I was like, ooh, I remember that on PCH. Tell me about Belle.
She faked that she had brain cancer. And spleen cancer and blood cancer and brain cancer.
And she was in Australia. Yeah.
You saw a documentary on Netflix? And I saw the, like... Show on Netflix.
Yeah, the show based on it. They made a show based on it.
They put them out basically at the same time. I never said the Mendetta's Brothers show.
Oh, the Mendetta's Brothers, yeah. They killed their parents.
The show was pretty good. It was called Mononsters, I think.
The Vendetta Brothers? The Mendetta Brothers. Oh, the Vendetta Brothers.
I have a speech impediment. So do I.
Okay, then touche. There's Bill Gibson right there taking a photo.
Belle, tell us why you faked your cancer. I, at the time, I didn't.
I had brain cancer. Belle, come on.
You said you went to a doctor in Perth. At the time, I- Quite frankly, we looked up the doctor.
Doesn't exist, Belle. Belle.
Those are my medical records and they're personal and private to me. One moment.
My son's here. Yeah.
What are you talking about? My adopted son. My adopted Chinese son.
I can't do an Asian accent. I have an Australian accent.
Or any of them, really. Yeah, down under.
That's it. Okay, anyway.
Down under. This girl just sat on a 60 Minutes, and that's the footage of the 60 Minutes, and is like you don't have brain cancer she's like at the time yeah she was true or false you have brain cancer she goes at the time true false it was amazing but she's such a magician she's able to just kind of like fuck off all this negative she's nothing ever happened she never got arrested she never went to prison nothing what's the problem here what about if i If I said to you, if I all this negative.
Nothing ever happened. She never got arrested.
She never went to prison. Nothing.

What's the problem here?

What about-

If I said to you-

If I said to you-

Time out.

We're not finishing the story.

Okay.

She created a health app, and the app earned a lot of money from people who have cancer

that wanted to take this health journey with her.

And she said she was going to give many of the proceeds to charity, which she never did.

She never did.

It's a brilliant money scamming. That's charity fraud.
But we agree. is a brilliant charity fraud.
Beautiful name for a baby girl. What's up Portland we're charity fraud.
No I said not a band I said for a baby girl. Like hey I'm charity.
That's what a baby girl sounds like. Hey I'm welcome to Portland.
I'm charity fraud. Little girls don't sound like that.
You started to do Ocean Avenue? I did. Brain cancer is such a heavy one to lie about.
That's a heavy. You could have lied about.
You could have said, what's leukemia is blood cancer? That one's an easier lie because people can live with it for a long time. Why brain? I'm going to tell you something though, Teeny Teeners.
Go ahead for me, babe. I think what she has is worse than brain cancer.

Because if you're sick enough to lie about having brain cancer, you've got another kind of illness that's maybe even more serious than brain cancer. Interesting.
Sociopathy. Yeah.
Yeah. Something like that.
Did you ever put a bicycle playing card on the spokes of your bicycle? No. Did you ever see people do that in the neighborhood? Yeah.
In Canada, they do that? Not right. I feel like that's for little boys in the 1940s.
No, we did it. You did it.
I put a playing card in the spoke of my bicycle for a little bit of fun. Is that you? Well, that's a girl.
You're doing a girl. Do a guy.
I can't. Oh, my God.
I don't think- What accent are you trying to do Ascot and the dinosaur, huh? How could this happen to me? I made my mistakes. I don't know how wrong.
You'll be okay. You'll be in my heart.
No matter what they say. Name what movie that's Let me guess It's a contest Sing it again Okay I'm gonna sing the first verse Okay Please For one so small You seem so strong Okay stop I'm gonna say Little Mermaid No My arms defend you Keep you safe and warm You know what Moana No Fuck Getting closer though I know Moana 2 Pocahontas And you'll be in my heart Is that Pocahontas? No And you'll be in my heart You don't know Pocahontas You don't know it either Let's see who gets it From this day on Now and more I've never heard this song before But I'm gonna try It's in modern It's a more modern Is it animated or cartoon? It's Jungle Book I know what it is Lion King I remember the song But you can't say it It's not Tarzan Tarzan What is it? It's Tarzan There's a fucking it's not There's a fucking movie called Tarzan Yes, there is Yes, there was right there You'll be in my heart Yeah, and Phil Collins did the song for it Wow Pretty iconic Give me another Disney song And I want to guess it Okay, you want me to do kind of a hard one? No, go basic Obviously, we don't know what the fuck you're doing Well Santiners knew it Yeah I did know that So I'll do middle ground So it's still like an interesting competition How about this one This one longing to be thinner This one wants to get the girl Do I help them Poor unfortunate I know Can I guess Of course you can guess Bobby That's the name of the game my love no that's Little Mermaid yeah that's Little Mermaid oh wow you're so good at it he knows his redheads yeah wink no black person now black person now oh I'm oh I guess that's right they changed it yeah and we were we threw a I didn't see we were at the committee when we were pushing for the black person you know i mean we want to be inclusive that's great there's a stereotype that black people can't swim that's crazy is that are there are there because this disproves that look at barack ob as a kid.
I love it. Where's Michelle? They didn't meet then.
How long have they been together? Did you guys hear that Jennifer Aniston and Barack Obama are dating? I heard they're hooking up. I don't know if they're dating.
Aw, but dating has to happen first. No, sometimes you just get to hook up.
Wait, Michelle and Barack are no longer together? I don't know. I just heard a rumor.
It's a rumor on the internet. But I think if you're going to hook up with someone, you have to go on a date with them.
because otherwise how are Barack Are no longer together I don't know I just heard a rumor It's a rumor on the internet

But I think if you're gonna

Hook up with someone

You have to go on a date with them

Because otherwise

How are you supposed to kiss

If you don't have spaghetti first

Oh

Is that the king

Thing

What's a way you guys

Try to do a first kiss

That makes it

Like

Kind of fun

Like not

I tried it yesterday

Okay

And it didn't work

What was it

She was wearing a beanie

Okay

And she was wearing a toque

Yep

Thank you. Kind of fun Like not I tried it yesterday Okay And it didn't work What was it?

She was wearing a beanie Okay

And she was wearing a toque

Yep

And I covered her eyes

And then I went in for a kiss

Wait, wait

Bobby, I'm so sorry

You were on a date with a woman

Who was

We were in her bed

Oh

We're watching Law and Order or something

She wasn't

She had a toque pulled over her eyes

Yeah

And then I just put the toque over

And I went in

And I kissed her lips there

That's cute

Oh, that's kind of cute

But that wasn't a first kiss, was it?

Now, let's go. on order or something.
She wasn't. She had a toque pulled over her eyes.
Yeah, and then I just put the toque over and I went in and I kissed her lips there.

That's cute.

Oh, that's kind of cute,

but that wasn't a first kiss, was it?

It was.

Oh.

Yeah, and she said,

don't ever do that again.

No, she didn't say that.

Oh.

Yeah.

That's pretty cute.

I didn't know how to,

sometimes you go,

here's the thing with women.

I'm going to say something.

There are signs you have to give up.

Listen up, women.

Listen up!

I'm listening. Right.
Here are the signs i need to see yeah when you're at a date you have to be playing with your hair you have they have to be not me yeah yeah at a restaurant you have long hair you can play i know but i've seen them do it it's a sign it's a sign of what respect That they like you and they want to be there. Here's another thing.
If you get closer to them, if you move away, that's not good. But if I move closer and we're on a bench or something, we're bowling or whatever, right? And they don't move, that's a good sign.
The third one I look for, is this not, I'm not, Sign, sign. Sign, sign, Right.
Another one is if... You know, sometimes when we're talking,

put your arm up.

Uh-oh.

Right.

So I'll go...

Say a funny joke as a girl.

Careful.

Yeah, I was just going to say.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A funny joke as a girl.

Yeah, we're having Thai food.

Knock, knock.

Well, who's there?

Trump.

Trump who?

Donald Trump, the new president.

And I do that.

You know what I mean?

I don't know. Knock, knock.
Well, who's there? Trump. Trump who? Donald Trump, the new president.

And I do that.

You know what I mean?

I do a little touchy-feely there.

Uh-huh.

But sometimes they do it back.

If you say something, they'll touch you.

That's a good sign.

Oh, that's a good sign.

I went and laughed at that Trump joke, by the way.

Why?

That was one of her best jokes.

I know, but it just didn't really hit well with me.

Well, try it again.

Okay.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Trump.
Trump who? Donald J. Trump.
Okay. Yeah.
I feel like you're not even getting the girl's joke. Yeah, I don't get it.
Yeah. I would give her a quick tap like that with no laugh.
Maybe you could do it. Are you being serious? Okay, knock have to be a knock knock joke? Yes it's a fucking knock It's a joke from a girl Knock knock Who's there? Instrument Instrument who? Trumpet I guess Better than yours You know what? Fuck it I'm not taking any advice From you guys Or playing this game with her We're girls Yeah I know you are Well But I just don't think You're handling it seriously Well this is why You're not gonna get A second date Yeah we're here to help you Yeah Don't you think That those are good signs though You want her to be I think the hair one Is the only one that I mean The hair thing is Yeah the hair one Not every girl Is gonna fucking twirl their hair Yeah but when they do it's a good sign i'll show you when it's a bad sign okay okay i'm gonna do okay let's okay how about this okay we're in a conversation first date yeah right so it's just like um jesus christ whoa whoa oh sorry what were you saying i'm just playing with my hair uh hi can you and your date please step out.
Whoa. Whoa.
Oh, whoa.

Oh, sorry.

What were you saying?

I was just playing with my hair.

Hi, can you and your date please step outside and eat on the patio?

We've had some complaints from some of the people.

Oh, that's weird.

Okay.

I guess we got to move to the patio, babe.

I guess we'll-

Whoa.

Yeah.

Can I be serious?

I'm just going to leave.

I'll pay the bill.

Babe, wait.

I was just playing with my hair to let you know that I like you.

It's weird.

Why?

Yeah, yeah. Hello.
This is the mommy and this is the daddy. Yeah.
Okay, yes. That would be good.
You think that would be good or bad? Good. That's a good sign.
Yeah, that's a good sign. If a girl does that specifically, that's a good sign.
Yeah. I mean, that seems like she's engaging, she's interested.
She's having fun. If you go to the bathroom, she can keep herself occupied.
I think I'm reading her wrong. Yeah, you're right.
Yeah Yeah you're right Yeah read it right Yeah I'll read it right Yeah I think if they touch their hair like that That means like Hey But they're doing full conversation Okay No no she just That shows that she has an imagination Exactly Yeah She can occupy herself She doesn't fucking need you She don't need a man to make it happen Maybe it's more like You know what know what I mean? Where were you, Johnny? Oh, yeah. Right? That's better.
Yeah. Where were you, Johnny? Mom, it's only 8 p.m.
I called the police and put you on a milk carton. Fuck you, Mom.
Whoa. Yeah.
What's his problem? I don't know what Johnny's problem is. But I like something like that.
Yeah. That went wrong.
I don't want that.

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One time I went on a blind date and I took a bus to West Hollywood to meet her at a Mexican restaurant that was on Santa Monica in the middle of West Hollywood. And...
Is it true what they say? Yeah, it Big Run Blind girls have bigger boobs? What? Is it true? Yeah What they say? Yeah yeah yeah Blind girls Bigger boobs Have bigger boobs Yeah yeah yeah My man My dog My dog yeah yeah yeah Knock knock Who's there? Instrument Instrument who? Violin See? Now I'm fucking with you I'm keeping with you on your toes. Yeah.
That's pretty good. So you took a bus to your date at a Mexican restaurant.
It was a blind date. I busted a date.
Would you date a girl that has a big vag? Would I? Yeah. How would you know? Well, you'd know.
Because you have to date first before you see it. You'd know.
Let me tell you something. Big hands.
When you come walking up, we can hear it. Big pleat.
Swish, swish. Big head.
Splish, splash, I'm taking a bath.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Have I dated a girl with a big vagina?

Yeah, yeah.

No, I don't think so.

Okay.

I don't think so.

And I can't say the same.

But every vagina must feel like a big vagina to you.

To me?

You say that to me?

Well, I was, I guess to both of you, sure.

That's a small penis thing?

Could be.

What do you mean it could be? Let me ask you something. I'm not a fucking doctor.
I don't work at animal hospitals. Make an assumption.
Who has a bigger penis between me and Andrew? I can't. I can't even engage in that.
Okay, okay. See? Yeah.
Let her down this road. Finish your story.
You went on a date. Took a bus to a Mexican restaurant.
Took a bus to a Mexican restaurant. Oh, I took a bus to a Mexican restaurant to meet this girl.
I get out of the bus and she's on the bar dancing. And she's wearing like a tiny little skirt.
And she had the biggest fucking vagina I've ever seen in my entire life. Right.
So I married her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Instrument.
Instrument what? Instrumental in this conversation. Have a good night.
I love that. Thank you.
That's insane. Pretty good.
Yeah. Anyway, I don't think your wife has a big vag.
No, dude. What? Yes, she does.
Okay, I didn't know. Come on.
Anyway. Sorry, it's uncomfortable for you, this line of questioning? No, I'm happy.
I'm sure you have a small one. It was in my vows.
No, I don't. Till depth do us part.
What are some red flags? I know you're married, but if you were dating a guy, what would be some red flags? If I said to you, You know, Lisa, I'm just trying to start this comedy. Red flag already.
Why? This kind of, this Joe Pesci of it all I do see that Yeah I'm from fucking Brooklyn, what the fuck You're like, hey, any chance you're gonna leave your 8 year old son home alone this weekend I don't have a fucking 8 year old son man I have my mom, I live with my mom Yeah Is that a red flag? Sure. Okay.
What are your red flags?

Unless your mom is Meryl Streep.

Then it's a green flag.

Oh, that's cool.

That's really cool.

Yeah, give me a red flag and I'll tell you

how it could be a green flag.

That's really fun.

This would be helpful

to all of your female listeners.

Okay, so can I still be this guy?

Sure, sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, I'll be honest with you.

I like pineapple on my pizza.

You what? Pineapple on my pizza. Oh, you like pineapple on your pizza? That's a green flag already to me You don't really like pineapple on your pizza I do I actually think it gives it like a zesty kind of taste That otherwise it wouldn't have That's your idea of zest I just love the sweet and sour kind of like savoury and sweet Where the fuck are you from? whoa.
Where the fuck are you from? Darling, we've got to get off this bus. It's dangerous.
Yo, hey, guy. Hey, guy, where the fuck are you from with that fucking silly way you're talking? New York is terrifying.
You don't need money, love. Sorry, sir, we don't...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on the fuck? You pay to get on the fucking bus.
What are you guys fucking... We'd like to get off the bus, please.
Yeah, you little stop. This bus bus driver's really- Darling, haven't you got 50p to give him? Got nothing on me.
Yeah. Sorry, go away.
Go away. Go away.
I like jalapenos and pineapple on my fucking pizza, man. By the way, this is what it's like taking the bus.
Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what it's like.
Every day you're just going to get yelled at and assaulted. Yeah, okay, but what really happened? You took the bus to the restaurant.
What happened?

I don't remember.

You said you went on a blind date to a Mexican restaurant.

You took a bus.

Come on, beautiful mind.

He's got it.

Pieces together.

You remember.

He's singing.

What the fuck are you doing, sir?

What, dad?

Yeah, son.

Hey, dad. Hey, son.
What's up? Where have you been? I've been living on the bus all day long, man, talking to fucking women, man. Still driving the bus, huh? Yeah, I'm driving, I'm taking ladies, you know, talking about my fucking pineapples on my pizzas.
I have a good fucking angle in, man. I miss you, pop.
I miss you too, son. What happened to you? You die? Andrew, Andrew.
Yeah. Where'd you go? What? I asked you about the date and you just like got really quiet and you like looked into the distance.
What do you mean? I've been... You were just staring there.
Oh. Yeah.
Take a minute. Take a minute for a second.
So he experienced trauma and sometimes he goes in these takes. You know, he's, you know, zones out.
You don't have to call it out. Okay, sorry.

I just didn't know. Yeah, it's a little rude, you know.

Sorry.

I could call you out about some things,

but I wouldn't ever do it.

I wasn't malicious intent at all.

I was just trying to make sure that he was okay.

Okay.

You okay now?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So do you want to tell us about the big date?

Oh, here we go.

She's not getting...

Oh, the big date I ate?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Sweet as ever?

Bacon wrapped. No way.
Double fried. Chocolate ever Bacon wrapped Chocolate dipped Peanut butter stuffed Deep fried and everything Deep double fried on a ding dong Scannadack Sliced in half and filled to the brim Pitless and shitless Yummy dummy Ding dong I love bacon wrapped around dates Bacon wrapped dates are probably one of my favorite I like a sweet date I like peanut butter chocolate date Well that's pretty good too Very good touche Alright how about most unattractive looking food That you find absolutely delicious Unattractive It looks ugly but it's quite good Beef stroganganoff beef that does look gross and tastes good yeah with what with pineapples obviously ugliest food that tastes good I guess mussels ooh you're right yeah they look like little vagus they look like something's going on yeah yeah lobster in general lobsters always look so gross I've had I don't like when they cut it open on the they half it on the no I don't want to I don't like how I don't like that I don't need that I was violently sick because of mussels yeah I don't oh same San Francisco yeah it was I got four days yeah San Diego it almost killed me it's bad when they go bad it goes they go bad, it goes bad.
Well, don't they say like muscles, right? Isn't it something like muscles have super high- What's the level that makes people- The thing that makes people really sick in there? Listeria? Yeah, that's right, right? Yeah, I think so. That's the thing that was in eggs and shit.
Yeah, it's in a lot of- When's the last time you had diarrhea, Lisa? Oh, boy. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, there it is. Paralytic shellfish poisoning PSP oh god yeah this is like super common people get it all the way you can get PSP from muscles PSP too and that's when you can like hear the thoughts of dead people and stuff I do want to ask you a real serious question if we can be serious for two seconds is there

a Lisa Gilroy show in the works

there's a

rumor

that you have a show

I'm dead serious

I'm being 100% serious

I heard that too

shut up

be serious for two seconds

are you being honest right now Gilroy

is there a show being developed

a Lisa Gilroy show

Thank you. that too.
No way. Shut up.
Be real. I just said be serious for two seconds.
Yeah, yeah. Are you being honest right now, Gilroy? Are you developing, is there a

show being developed, at least a Gilroy show?

Well. It may not be called.
Did you sell a show?

No. So

you're not a part of any company,

any production company developing anything

for you? No. Liar.
But I know

a few production companies would be pretty mad to hear

me say that.

Hey, I don't have a girlfriend

but I know a few girls would be mad to hear me say that. We got

it on the first time. Like I was saying, because I think Mitch Hedberg had said something kind of like a joke like that that I- We got it on the first time.
You don't need to do his joke. I don't have a husband, but I know a guy that'd be pretty mad if he heard me say that.
So you are doing a show? Yeah. You are.
Well, I'm developing stuff. I'm always developing stuff.

Nah, but there's something else that you're just being coy about it.

I don't like when you're being coy.

Don't be joking.

We've got stuff too.

You don't be so coy.

Hey, we got stuff too, you know?

We actually don't.

You guys have your animated show.

We have an animated show and a game show and other things.

Oh, no, we washed those away.

They're both gone.

You were making a game show?

That's fun.

Stop it.

You can be on it.

Is that true?

What would it be like?

We'll be right back. another thing oh no we washed those away they're both gone you you were making a game show that's fun stop it you can be on it is that true what would it be like we are making a game show we're shooting we did a pilot can we talk about that or no um yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah stamos and uh john stamos and megan trainer megan trainer did it that's our first two guests oh so it's only like one person competing against one person they go head-to-head bobby and i are hosting the show and it's so we would match you with somebody um equivalent level of what to be on our game show stardom hip coolness so let me think of somebody that we could patch her up with um i can't you dax flame quinta brunson quinta br yeah, yeah.
You and Quinta Brunson. What's wrong with that?

Is she...

You guys are being mean to me.

What the, what the, what the...

What the fuck are you saying?

She's so famous.

Okay, you know what, dude?

You have to pair me up with like...

You're Lisa Gilroy.

The mail carrier.

What, an oil dad?

Yeah.

Lisa, you are...

If I ever do one for regular folks,

I can be on it.

Shut up.

That's so annoying.

Fuck you, dude. Fuck you.
You're a star. What's the premise of the show? I'm going to fart in the mic.
Thank you. Your fans are going to love this.
That was... Now that was ass cat.
Now that was ass cat. South by Southwest.
Mic farts. Okay, now Santino and I are going to have a competition.
Up dog. You can best replicate that.
And Bobby, you can judge. Up dog.
You get to be the little king, okay? Can I get through the smell though? It was actually pungent. Well, it's your fault.
I know. I fucked it up.
Okay, now listen to Santino to replicate it and then listen to me. You go first.
You're the guest. What are we doing? Explain it to me.
We're replicating your fart. Yeah.
The best what? The best Oh good thank you Okay listen yeah Close your eyes Yeah and actually You shouldn't even know Who's going first Yeah perfect What did you like You're so good It's like Different interpretation Of actually the thing That's art It is art Yeah It's all subjective I feel like I know What the order was What was the order You first You second No Because weirdly You put a little vocal You put your voices Yours was like You sounded organically far Thank you Yeah yeah She's better at this. I don't know how you managed to put your own voice into a fart.

Well, that was the talent.

If you were on a date and a guy did that, is it a red flag?

I'm going to put my own voice into a fart now.

Okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, yeah.

Pretty good.

But would that be a red flag for you?

If a guy farted into a microphone?

No, no.

Yeah.

No.

Okay.

Thank you.

Is your husband ever farted?

Wait, before it was your husband, you were dating. You farted on a date.
date Were you chill about it I don't think there was ever Any farting on dates really Does he fart in front of you now Because I think Yeah of course Does he trap the farts Do you fart in front of him Of course I think it's criminally insane If people don't fart In front of their partners Interesting Is that you guys I never do Me and Bob have never farted In front of each other Never That was the first time And then I didn't even get cut out It was so disgusting But do you I know have never farted in front of each other. Never.
That was the first time. And then I didn't even get cut out.
It was so disgusting. But do you, I know you're farting in front of girlfriends past, right? I mean.
That's why the ghost of girlfriends past. You know when a ghost of girlfriends past comes to show you how you spent Christmas and wants to teach you a lesson? Jacob, it's because of your gas your girlfriends are gone.
Spirit, no! Spirit!

Don't they always say spirit? Spirit!

Spirit! Spirit!

I'll only fart in front of an ex-girlfriend if they do a blood

queef. Oh, Bobby!

Whoa. You didn't

have to do that, Bobby. Hello?

Nah, don't do that, Bobby. That's crazy.

That's kind of like a blood oath,

but different.

Santiners, are you farting in front of your bride? Oh, yeah. Big time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Farts are chill.
Farts are chill. Yeah.
Farts are actually, there is a study, look this up. There's a study that finds that couples who fart in front of each other have a healthier love and longer lasting relationships.
Look at that. Couples who fart together, farting in front of a partner indicates strong bond, sign of trust, honesty, and respect.
Okay. All right.
Everybody get in here. We're making the new campaign for farting in front of your partner.
One of the slogans that I came up with today was the more fart, the more heart. I'd love to hear from you guys.
Go ahead, Bob. Nagasaki, never forget.
Okay. I'm writing that down.
That's awesome. Another one I have is to toot is cute To Toot is cute Santino anything over there Let it go that's your hoe Bang bang open your mouth Bobby I'm loving the stuff that you're coming to Thank you so much I would be a good An ad agency I would be really good...
An ad agency. I would be really good.
Plop, plop. Hope your heart doesn't stop.
Right. Love ya.
That's pretty good. Plop, plop.
The love don't stop. Plop, plop.
My love don't stop. Yeah.
Too cute. My wife is cute.
Let's come up with a different thing about like, you know, instead of like, hey, can you pee on me? Come up with a different terminology for that.

I just don't know what else I would say if I was not always saying, hey, can you pee on me?

Yeah.

I say that so much.

Yeah.

Can you water the, can you water the valley?

Can you water my soil patch?

Oh, like you're trying to find a way to like say it in public so that you're like, hey,

later when we get home.

Yeah.

Can you water the hill?

Right.

Like my belly. Can you fill up my Brita? That's pretty good.
What about poop? You can't come with them? Too far. I don't like them.
All right. Okay.
I don't either. All right.
Have you ever been peed on? I'm not going to answer that. I'm not going to answer that.
Look to the board. It says yes.
Oh, is this your game show? It was accidental. Welcome back to the game show.
It's called Look at the Board. Yeah.
Broad, look at the board. Look at the board, broad.
First up, Chinese guy, blonde lady. First question, out of the gate.
Welcome to my game show. It's called Look at the Board.
Thank you so much for having me. Thank you so much for having me.
I'm from Minnesota, in the dine of Minnesota, and I'm a college engineer. I'm Lisa Gilroy.
I am a dental hygienist, and I'm from Toronto, Ontario. I didn't say my name.
Toot Managani. Thanks, Toot Managani.
Thanks, Lisa Gilroy. Thank you for being here on my show.
Nice to meet you, Lisa Gilroy. Hands on behind you.
One hand behind your back. One hand on a buzzer.
Okay. Get ready to buzz in.
All right. In 1947, the inflation rate had adjusted from the previous year from 2%, 3.5%.
True or false. Ding in.
Ding. True.
Lisa, true. False.
Look at the board. Ding.
True. Lisa wins.
Oh, fuck. I would have got that wrong.
You were a good one, Lisa. I would have got that wrong.
Lisa wins a brand new car. All new car I would like to double roll And big guess em Double roll big guess em Oh shit Okay I'm sorry for swearing Bing bing bing Yeah yeah Listen up toot tootie Here we go Noot Takani Noot Takani Thank you Is a popular dessert In which country Bing Bing Lisa I was first first.
Bing, Lisa. Thailand.
Look at the board. Yeah.
Toot to Ghani. Yeah.
It's from my mom's house. Look at the board.
Bing, bing, bing. Yay.
I'd like to double or nothing my P-Stack. You really want to double or nothing my P-Stack? I think at this point, Andrew, it's all or nothing.
Fill up that bread up. P-Stack.
Here we go. Hands on the buzzer.
Hand behind the back. Tootie Goody and Lisa.
This is for the final up. Double up.
The P-Stack. Jerry Seinfeld.
Bing. Oh, Lisa.
What's the deal? Look at the board. Yay! Yay! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. I just don't know how she would come up with that she won you lost now loser statement look into the camera loser statement go ahead when you're ready loser statement from Toot Dugani what does that mean look at the camera loser statement it's time for the loser statement permission to boo oh permission to boo granted boo love it boo love it again fuck you oh she's going for a fuck you double down I lost and I was relying on the money To save my family's business And this is going to be A triple A triple suicide tonight At the new Well that's it for us tonight We want to thank Lisa Gil for being a part of here and Luke Togani and Luke Togani.
In fact, in fact. Uh-oh.
Oh! Oh! Boo! Wow. Way to go, Toot.
What a great newt, dude. If you have to repeat it again, I'm going to get newt.
What? Slow down. No, fuck you, dude.
Toot you, dude. Dude, you can slow down.
Really good game show. Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It had nothing to do with pee, though.
Not everything does. That's true.
Not everything. My grandfather used to say that.
Not everything. Everything involves pee.
And I go, what are you saying that for me? You know. What a great part, like imparting that kind of wisdom.
What was that phrase your grandpa used to say to you? I was trying to think of something genuine. But you were so young, too.
you really remember? I mean he was so young when he was alive. My grandpa? Yeah.
Yeah I guess he used to say weasels are for tits and hoes are for bitches. Love.
That's iconic. Yeah that's really good.
One of my grandpa one of his favorite phrases? Yeah. Well that do mine? But now do it with his teeth in.

Oh, yeah.

I love you so much.

You're my favorite grandchild.

Wow.

Beautiful.

Can I do it with toothless and not toothless?

Please.

All right.

Wow.

Yeah.

And what did he say?

Put the teeth back on.

Don't touch me there ever again. Oh, wow.
Wait. we had those dentures that make you speak English? My grandfather was bilingual.
He was a highly educated person. I come from a line of educated people.
I don't doubt that. Why did his dentures make him switch languages? That was what I was asking.
And that's the thing. We're going after bilinguals, bisexuals.
If you're bi, bye-bye. I did everything right and they indicted me.
Yeah, okay. They're a very good impression.
Because if I said it in Korean, the joke wouldn't be there. Let's hear it.
I don't know if I can say it Say it Gochu no manja Yeah That was good Yeah Yeah it worked Yeah I just said penis don't touch Penis don't touch Yeah yeah yeah What's penis Gochu No genuinely what's penis Gochu Gochu No like what's the word mean Gochu What. What do you mean? What does the word mean?

Penis.

It's a male genitalia.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

This is a kid's show.

Okay.

I'll tell you some other Korean nasty words if you want to know.

Pangu.

Pangu, pangu.

What's pangu?

You know.

Pangu's, wait.

Pangu.

Fart.

No.

Yes.

Yeah, fart.

Oh, that's okay.

Very good.

Pangu.

Boji.

Boji, yeah. What's boji? You know what boji is? Blowjob? No You know what it is? Ooh, boat Boji's back I could put it in a sentence Yeah, butthole My boji's back And you're gonna get in trouble No Hey now Hey now My boji's back That girl from Texas Had a big boji Yeah, it's a vagina Yeah, yeah, yeah Just keep putting it in you know.
What was butthole? Butthole was what? Gondengi. Gondengi.
Yeah. I love gondengi.
Have you ever had that with kimchi? It's very good. Gondengi.
It tastes like calamari. You wouldn't even notice.
Dude, have you been to a good Korean barbecue spot? Yeah. Which one? Which one? Castle Barbecue? I used to live by there.
It's not good. I like it.
Chosan. Chosan is the best.
Sukbul Jeep or Park.

Park is also good.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay.

We got to take you.

Okay.

Yeah, and your husband.

Wait, why'd you do this face?

Oh, does he have a disability?

I thought he did.

Is that why he did that face?

No, he's nice.

You never met him, Bobby.

I know, but I've seen him online.

I never met him.

Oh.

But we'll bib him if he needs to be bib.

Every time I say husband, I make that face.

Oh, okay.

You hate husbands.

Yeah.

Well, if mother's against drunk driving,

Bobby's against...

Husband.

Thank you. I never met him But we'll bib him If he needs to be bib Every time I say husband I make that face Oh okay You hate husbands Yeah

Well if mother's against

Drunk driving

Bobby's against

Good husbands

Koreans against husbands

Yeah

Anyway

Jut is breast

Jut

Yeah

Okay don't tell us

What it means

Just use it in a sentence

Where all the other words

Are English

Alright

Alright

Man I bought my house

20 years ago man

But it went down in price Because of the gamdungis.

Oh, boy.

The what?

Gamdungis.

I'm afraid to say it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So don't say it.

Okay, I'm going to guess it's the mortgage rates.

It means mortgage rates.

Yes, yes, yes.

What are you going to guess?

I think it's unfortunately referring to little people.

Yeah. Oh, really? Wait, why would that have any effect On the housing market? Well because these houses There's so many of them in one house There's like 50 of them in there I ate these muscles the other day And made my donkomok burn Wait is this a new word? Yeah donkomok Tip of penis Butthole So gond.
Yeah. Don't come look is the hole.
Everybody knows it. Google Lisa Gilroy for us right there.
Don't do that. Let's find out the best picture.
Let's see the best photo she's got on the internet. Yeah, I want to see the first one.
Literally don't. She's vulnerable.
She's vulnerable. She's vulnerable.
Wait, what's Mad TV? Oh, that's so funny. Lisa Gilroy.
What did you- Time out. Hold on.
Did you Google Lisa Gilroy hot? Stop. Because if you write hot after after Sometimes it'll be Like cleavage shots Oh If you don't Oh that's fucking gross That's gross Go to the first one Let's rate the first one Look what I'm doing Okay Rating it Okay what's going on here I'll press it Huh Do it I'll press it Do it My dad works for them Yeah yeah I'm sure he does Fucking he does, fucking son of a pig.
You're being, what is it? You're contemplating something. Right? Can we ask? Right? Stop this.
Like, I'm over it. Watch this.
That's what this is like. I'm over it.
I'm unaffected. Click this.
Click the next one. Click it.
Keep going through them. Ready? Ready? Ready? Watch this.
Start with the first one and then click close after I say the word. Ready? Over the first one.
This is Nightmare on Elm Street. Ready? Yeah.
And farted. Farted.
Farted. Yeah, yeah.
Farted. Farted.
Yeah. Thought about farting.
Yeah. Farted.
Okay. Definitely farted.
Yeah. Didn't fart.
Didn't fart. That's a cute one right there.
That's a great photo. That's very cute.
Oh, fart. Yeah.
Farting on the street. Yeah, yeah.
I'm in Mexico City. I'm bicultural.
Farting on the street. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ba-da-dee-da-dee-da-dee-da. Too much.
Let's go to the last photo. Oh, by the way, you were great in jury duty.
Thank you. Wow.
Yeah, you know who's the... I just did a show um a tv show with the judge you know who the judge is right alan bernholz that's right ike bernholz's dad yeah oh whoa really yeah yeah wow nepotism what's this here a little nepotism there looks like uh uh that was a shoot for a magazine what magazine it was like a fartfartgirl Bedfartgirl.com Have you ever been in a magazine? I'm sure you're a subscriber I am actually Monthly Have you ever been in a magazine? Have I ever been in a magazine? Who the fuck is going to put me in a magazine? Exactly Me either I feel the same way But they put this piece of shit on What do you mean? She's cool and smart Oh that's right My bad She's got all the jazz dude Look at her dude.
Look at her. Oh, my God.
If someone takes weird pictures of you, they'll put them in a magazine. That's how it works.
No, no, no. That's so cute.
That's not why you're in a magazine. Bobby, stand up right now and flash me your tits and I'll take a picture and I guarantee you that same magazine will buy it.
Go on. What magazine is that? I don't know what that is.
That's from 1883? Yeah. Okay, hold.
Oh, oh, oh. Hold on, let me put it in portrait mode.
That'll make it good. Okay, perfect.
Thank you. Okay, Santino, do you want anything to submit to the magazine? If I don't get in a magazine, we're done.
Okay. Ready? Yep.
Just a little cheese? Yeah. Oh, oh, it's a weird...
Okay. Yeah.
That um google bobby lee in a magazine yeah i'm not a fucking magazine yeah and they'll go bobby lee magazine wait it was already google magazine magazine bobby is that your computer back there no no because all the links oh you links are purple. Oh, you're on the observer.
That's you.

They put any Asian person, and that's what comes up.

Give me the second photo.

Yeah, not me.

Third photo.

That's a great show.

Oh, the fourth one is me.

I was on a magazine.

Wait.

Yeah.

What is that?

That's Kareem.

Kareem.

Bobby Lee gets HIV wish?

Is that what that says?

Yeah.

His wish.

Oh, it can... What is that? That's Korean.
Korean. Bobby Lee gets HIV wish.

Is that what that says?

Yeah.

His wish.

Oh, it couldn't see because it was covered by your bracelet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who would wish for that?

And the girls with the very far left in that photo I worked with after that.

Oh, worked with?

Pervert?

What does that even mean?

I did these Korean dramas on MADtv.

What's MADtv? It's a little dramas on Mad TV. What's Mad TV?

It's a little sketch show that was on for a little bit.

I've never heard of it.

Okay.

What's nice of you guys' own magazines?

Oh, there's Bitcoin, Bobby.

I'm just kidding, Bobby.

Bobby, Bobby, look at me.

Bobby.

I'm not going to look at you.

Huge fan of Mad TV.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

What's the third, fourth one?

What's that one right there?

Not that one.

That one.

What is that?

Probably the band. The band, Bobby Lee.
Yeah, yeah. go to that one where i'm holding the uh your raya picture yeah that's fun okay anyway jen rosenstein andrew santino magazine let's go i'm not in a fucking magazine i've told you that there's i've never done a magazine that's my phase okay there's no man i'm not in a fucking magazine I've not seen anything For Andrew here

That's right

Wow

Oh yes I was

Where

Yes I was

That down

To the left

Where I'm in the golf cart

I was in a magazine

Oh that's nice

Golf digest

Yeah

Digest golf

That's cool

Yeah you're in a magazine

Do you lied

I forgot that I did that

Yeah I forgot about the Korean M

I'm sorry

Okay so I didn't lie

I forgot

You forgot too

Okay we both forgot

I'm sorry

What do you think? Just Golf. That's cool.
Yeah, you're in an accident. You lied.
I forgot that I did that. Yeah, I forgot about the Korean M.
I'm sorry.

Okay, so I didn't lie. I forgot.
You forgot too.

Okay, we both forgot. I'm sorry.

What does it say? That you have a celebrity group chat. Do you? About

Bobby. Who's in it?

Dude, name someone and I'll

tell you if they're in it. Ready? Jim Carrey.
Yep.

Lisa. He's not.

Go on. Lisa.
You think there's big

famous people that I'll guess though? Yeah. Really? yeah Quentin Tarantino Nailed it Lisa can I be honest with you? Yes please Bobby I want to be real with you Yeah It's gonna start a fight between us Okay Okay His group And his demographic of people that he hangs out with Mm-hmm Is Is star studded.

Oh, okay.

And I don't have anybody.

They all have studs on their jackets.

Little stud stars.

I mean, I could name some names, but the places he goes with the people that he goes to.

How come he doesn't invite you, Bobby?

Look at this.

Who's in the front row of a fucking basketball game?

Celtics game.

You know, the Menendez brothers did that.

That's exactly right.

Yeah.

And they are famous. They were on basketball cards.
I know. I wishez brothers did that.
That's exactly right. Yeah.
And they are famous.

They were on basketball cards.

I know.

I wish.

Yeah.

Anyway.

So Bobby.

Yeah.

How come you don't hang out with the star-studded crew?

Maybe because I'm not a fucking star.

God.

You are a star.

You fucking piece of shit, man.

Hey.

That was rude.

That was bad.

I'm not bad.

I'm trying to tell you you're a star, brother. Brother.
Sister. Thank you.
Hey, man. Hey.
That was rude. That was bad.
Am I bad? I'm trying to tell you

you're sorry, brother.

Brother?

Sister?

Thank you.

Hey, brother.

Brother!

Brother!

Okay, now we gotta end it.

Now we really gotta get that.

I have to leave now.

Literally.

I gotta go.

I gotta show.

I literally have 7.40.

Literally, I gotta do my set.

I gotta go.

I gotta go.

You can't go.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Say that in the thing.

Thank you for being a bad friend Say that in the thing Thank you for being a bad friend Bobby, Bobby, Bobby Bobby, it stands for cat way Cat way Cat way Wow Stands for cat way Not gonna do it Yeah Bobby I don't understand it Bobby look at me I don't understand this game Bobby look at me Explain it to me

The improv