More Heart, More Fart w/ Lisa Gilroy

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends.

Speaker 1 I forgot that part. Shai, shai, shai, daya.

Speaker 1 Did it start?

Speaker 1 Yes. This sucks already.

Speaker 1 It's way too hard to look at.

Speaker 1 I don't know who your last psychotic guest was, but. Yeah, yeah.
Don't take shots at previous guests. Oh, sorry.
Was it Hillary Duff? It was. Yeah, yeah, it was Hillary Duff.
The duffster.

Speaker 1 The duffster, dude. Like me.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It happened.

Speaker 1 What is your name?

Speaker 1 Lisa. Gilroy Claperan.

Speaker 1 Clap the hands of the Lisa.

Speaker 1 You're so talented. I'm enamored by you.
You're what? Enamored? Is that the right word? That's so nice, Bobby. I'm enamored by you.
Okay. Good.
Did I get that word wrong? No. No, you got it right.

Speaker 1 It was beautiful. Okay.
I can't believe you make your guests sit in this chair full of farts. Jack Black Black sat on that.
Did you fill it up with farts? We did. Yeah, yeah.
Jack Black. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jack Black farts. Which are magical farts.
Does it get refilled all the time? Because it's pretty firm. Yeah.
Never been refilled. We filled it up one time.
Really? Yeah. Is it not comfortable?

Speaker 1 It's okay. I had a chair like this in my room when I was a little girl.
When I was a little girl. And now you're a big girl.

Speaker 1 I'm actually pretty big. Oh, I like that character.
Can you make up a character on the spot? Is that how talented you are? Sure. Give me a suggestion.
A baker in the 1950s. Oh, whoa, it's a Pixar bus.

Speaker 1 Wow, did you see that, dude? Pretty good. Yeah, we should call Pixar or something.
We can't call Pixar.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you have what? Give me a character.

Speaker 1 Can you call Pixar? Pixar? Yeah, I can call Pixar. Really? Yeah.
I'll give you a character. Yeah.

Speaker 1 One of the cars from Cars, but it's broken and it's a bus, but

Speaker 1 it's a little tiny bus that only a shrimp can see.

Speaker 1 Okay, hurry up. Santino, this one's for Bobby, right?

Speaker 1 Hey, Santino, look at me. You can have a turn next.

Speaker 1 Awesome. Hey.

Speaker 1 Shrimps.

Speaker 1 That's really good. Pretty good.
Yeah. Give Andrew one.
He's so good at this. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yours is okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay.
A guy who's like middle-aged who's a podcaster who lives in LA.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's up? Yeah. Welcome back to the show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's so good.

Speaker 1 Awesome.

Speaker 1 I know his tongue is out. Yeah, yeah.
I'm a sidekick.

Speaker 1 Can I be add on to it or not? Yeah. I'm so sorry.
No, no, no, no. Go ahead.
No, that's funny. Okay, you do.
If you do that character, you do the character that's like the sidekick of the podcaster.

Speaker 1 Okay, go ahead. And let's say, wait, wait, I'll give you more like character stuff to color it out.
So, like, let's say you're kind of mean and you're kind of stupid. Okay, go.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Welcome back to our show,

Speaker 1 Idiot guest.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And we had a guest? Yeah. Perfect.

Speaker 1 Perfect, right? Good. That's so awesome.
He's confused. He didn't even know that there was a guest.
Yeah, I got that. I thought you did it.
Oh, go on, but please. Lisa, what company are you in again?

Speaker 1 Yeah. What are you talking about? What improvisation? What improv group are you in? Oh, I guess just right now I do Ask Cat and Dinosaur.
Ask Cat and Dinosaur, both UCB?

Speaker 1 Are those not the two most embarrassing names of things you've ever heard? I just heard them for the first time as I was saying. Who's in Dinosaur? Paul Scheer, Rob Hubel, Rob.
Jason. Enough said.

Speaker 1 Sorry. Enough said.
Would you like them?

Speaker 1 What am I like them? Do you like them? Yeah, I love them. Jason Manzoukas? Jason Manzoukas.
Yeah. So talented.
Can I tell you? Is this UCB? Am I wrong? It is UCB.

Speaker 1 It's no, our show is monthly at the Largo. Largo.
Can I tell you a compliment about Jason Manzukis? Sure.

Speaker 1 I was on a sitcom called Animal Practice. It's so good.
Have you seen it? Shut the fuck up. Why do I do I bring up mixology?

Speaker 1 I wish you would. It was my favorite show that I ever did.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 there was a sitcom on NBC called, and my the star was the monkey. He's on the right.
Is that the same monkey from Friends? It's fucked up. Marcel.
What? Is that the same monkey from Friends? It is.

Speaker 1 Is it actually? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And so look at the poster, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tyler LeBine, Betsy Sedaro.
Oh, I love Betsy. Yeah, she's great.
Who's the girl on the front left? Tyla LeBine. He just said.
Yeah. Tyra Lebine?

Speaker 1 Tyra Le Bean. I actually love Tyler Lean.
So the show got canceled, and it was the dog.

Speaker 1 Can I get a dog?

Speaker 1 Duh.

Speaker 1 Can I get a wolf? Yeah. I don't know.
I was thinking because it's Animal Practice.

Speaker 1 And I was going to Seth Meyer's birthday party. Name drop.
You don't produce it? Huh. The Russo Brothers.

Speaker 1 Joe and Anthony Russo. Joe, welcome to the Russo Brothers Pizza Place.
This is

Speaker 1 TV shows. Endgame.
What? After Endgame? They did

Speaker 1 Captain America's Civil War, right? Endgame, all those ones. Age of Neutrons.
Everybody has a flop here and there. Uh-oh, bro.
Oh, fuck you, dude. What have you done?

Speaker 1 A movie that you can't even get off the ground?

Speaker 1 Right? That we're not going to fucking do? We're going to do it. You're all talk.
Wait, you wrote a movie for the gang to star in? It's a zombie movie, yeah.

Speaker 1 And he had funding, so we're all going to fly out. Not you, but I was going to fly out to Spain.
I wasn't going to do it. Right.
And then last minute, he's like,

Speaker 1 I lost funding. I'm like, no shit.
Bobby, why didn't you just fund it? I don't believe in the project.

Speaker 1 I don't believe in the project, Lilroy. Well, why were you going to star in it then? Anyway, can I finish this? I was going to the Seth.
Yes, you have a compliment. Right.
And then,

Speaker 1 so I was walking down Sunset from the store. And

Speaker 1 then behind me, Jason Manjus just walked by me. Then he looked at me and he paused.
He gave me a side hug and he goes, I'm so sorry about Yoshio.

Speaker 1 And I go, I didn't know him that well. And I thought, what a nice guy.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? To be there for me in that moment. What? What are you thinking? I was thinking, well,

Speaker 1 maybe he

Speaker 1 didn't know.

Speaker 1 Well, I was thinking he meant, I'm sorry that you're on the show. He said, I'm sorry about your show.
That's nice.

Speaker 1 It got canceled. No, he didn't know it got canceled.
He was saying, I'm sorry that you're on that show. You think that's what it was? That's what I think he was saying.

Speaker 1 He saw a trailer, was like, fuck, dog, I'm sorry you're on that show.

Speaker 1 And are you guys like feeling the puns that are flying around in the air? No, I don't know what pun me. You said he paused and said, sorry about your show.

Speaker 1 And then you said he paused and said, sorry, dog, that your show got canceled. Yeah, we get it.
We're seeing so many animal things. It's kind of like the chemistry in here is electric.

Speaker 1 Are you guys feeling that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.
Get it? We're having so much fun. I've never seen your ankles before.
Well, you still haven't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm wearing red socks.

Speaker 1 Do you see them on the camera? Yeah, a little bit. What is a body part that you don't like about yourself? Belly button.
Too deep. Too deep.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Way too deep. I could get lost in there.
Yeah. Mine's so deep it goes out the back.

Speaker 1 Wow. And it's giving me some mifida for real.
Wow. It's very deep.
What about you? What's a body part you don't like? Can I tell you? I have a story about my belly button.

Speaker 1 You can't take the one that she just said. That's impossible.
No, it's just a story. It has nothing to do with that.
I don't like my belly button. Oh.
Yeah, yeah. Something that I'm going to do.

Speaker 1 So I literally, for 20 years, never cleaned it.

Speaker 1 My belly button. Thanks for coming by, Lisa.

Speaker 1 And I was with a girl who was so embarrassing. We're in bed.
And she goes, Why is your belly button black?

Speaker 1 I go, what do you mean? She goes, I mean, when I look at it, it's like just like a black dot. Well, I go, I've never looked at it.
And she said, is it dirty?

Speaker 1 So I stuck my finger in it and I did a scoop. It was like a scoop of soil.

Speaker 1 It was so embarrassing. And she was like, I'm going to go home or something like that.
She went on. If you just grew something in there, it would be so cute.
Yeah, what? Plant a little soil?

Speaker 1 Like a tomato plant? or

Speaker 1 a tomato plant.

Speaker 1 Yeah, anyway, and now I clean it religiously. So is dirt in there from you were flopping around in the mud? No, it's 20 years of not cleaning it.
Yeah, but what would get in there?

Speaker 1 What dirt has access to your belly? You're telling me you're not rolling down a hill sometimes? You're just rolling down a hill. You don't frolic, lady? I do, but I usually have a t-shirt on.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, I do it shirtless. Yeah, shirtless.
And you got dirt and debris in there. Is there a body part you don't like about yourself? I asked you first, but yeah.
Oh,

Speaker 1 I'll tell you mine. What is it? My testicles.

Speaker 1 And I'll tell you why. It's the wrong color.

Speaker 1 It's the wrong color. It?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 yeah. Well, no, no, no.
They get lonely, so they morphed into one. They've joined each other.
You heard the term two peas in a pod? Yeah. That's what my nuts do.

Speaker 1 And the pod is the dick, and the balls are inside. You got it.
No. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm scared for you. Yeah, anyway, it's two colours.
It's two animal hearts.

Speaker 1 Animal practice. Animal practice.
Yeah. Sorry, I'm the fucking UDA.
Yeah, yeah. It would have been a great callback, though.
Yeah, thanks. I'll try again later.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Try to use another animal practice reference. But my point is that it's too dark of a purple.
Mm-hmm. You've seen it.

Speaker 1 It's way too dark. No, it's very dark.
I'm thinking about going, get him bleached. No, leave it as it is.
No, no, I had to bleach it.

Speaker 1 The purple color is probably coming from blood inside your body, which is normal, right? No, it's actually not. It's not.

Speaker 1 Your testicles should not be a dark purple. It's a dramatically different color.
Like curdled blood. It shouldn't look like that.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 1 You know if you like squeeze your fingertip and it turns purple? Yeah. Is it like that? Exactly.
Bingo. Did you know that?

Speaker 1 And there's a ring, a purple ring around the actual shaft, which I'm wondering. Okay, okay.
Let's move on. That's ringworm, bro.
Yeah. You got to get to Animal Hospital.
Practice. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Who fucking cares about that show? I know, I know, exactly.

Speaker 1 Have you been on a sitcom? No. Touche.
You're on a show right now.

Speaker 1 It's not a sitcom, but you're on a television show. I am.

Speaker 1 What's the show called? You are. What the fuck? You're on Interior Chinatown.
Oh, yeah. But

Speaker 1 that's that's not right now. I mean, I didn't, that's on the.
Yeah, you're on that show. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So when you're streaming, you're just on something forever. So if Jennifer Anston was here, you'd be like, you're on a show right now, right? Friends.
No, no, she's on a show.

Speaker 1 She actually is on a show right now. It's on Apple.
Yeah, but

Speaker 1 what are you talking about? What are you talking about? Well, if you're on a show, you're on a show.

Speaker 1 So you've been on a show before. Yeah.
Is this show on the air right now? It's on Hulu, which means it's going to be there for a long time. That's right.
So you're on the show.

Speaker 1 Until they take it down, you're on the show. Oh, okay.
I didn't know. They told me I was off the show.
Oh, you got kicked off? Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, be real. Is that really? Yeah, well, I think it's done.
I think it's a limited series, so it's over.

Speaker 1 It's not you got fired. It's just the whole show is done.
Feels like I got fired, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you don't have a job, it does feel like you got fired. In our animated show, she should do a voice.
We already talked about it. Okay.
You're having an animated show? None of your business.

Speaker 1 Please. All right, you're in.
Or should I say, please? Or should I say, please?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Not the last one. No, not the last one.
You want the last one? Oh, I love that one. Okay.
That's a really good one. Yeah, what character can that be? She's a lady who is a mailman.
A mail carrier.

Speaker 1 A mail carrier. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Do you do stand-up?

Speaker 1 Sometimes a little. Okay.
Do you go on the road ever? I've been on the road before. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
As a headline or a feature?

Speaker 1 No, I'm just kidding. I was saying, like, I've been on the road

Speaker 1 in a car. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I don't, like, tour doing stand-up. I just do sometimes stand-up around here in the little different theaters like UCB and Largo and Dynasty and stuff.

Speaker 1 But if we, like, if we had a show, hypothetically, and he goes, hey, Lisa, do you want to do 15 minutes? Yeah, I could do it. Okay.
That'd be fun. Yeah, she could.
Yeah, she could.

Speaker 1 Could I do it in this voice?

Speaker 1 Please. Yeah.
I want to do Love is Blind with your audience. And I want to do it in this voice.
And I want to be in a garbage bag the whole time with a microphone.

Speaker 1 Have you always been like this as a kid, even? No, as a kid, I was an accountant. I was very serious.
When did this blossom? Oh, that's such a sweet little thing to say.

Speaker 1 When did what blossom? My show, the TV show Blossom. When was that on the air?

Speaker 1 That was such an impact on me. I collected hats like how she had those hats.
She was so rad. She was so cool.
I remember thinking about it. I was like, that girl's like the coolest chick on TV.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's her name again? Blossom. Thank you.

Speaker 1 When did your comedy instinct kick in?

Speaker 1 I guess. Mayam Bialik.
Yeah, Mayambialik. Isn't she a fucking, isn't she like a

Speaker 1 NASA level genius? Yes. Isn't it so cool? It's pronounced NASA, by the way.
NASA. NASA level genius? Yeah.
Yeah. She really is.
She's a nuisance. She's a STEM advocate.
Wow. Can you believe it?

Speaker 1 You know what's so funny? We don't even know what that means.

Speaker 1 STEM. Science, Technology, Engineering, Math.
Jinx, 1034, 79, 10, you have to be missing. 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15.
Your sisters didn't die in a crash. Fuck.
Let me call my sister real fast.

Speaker 1 Lisa. Sorry.

Speaker 1 I guess it has always been there, your comedy instinct. When did your comedy instinct arrive? Yeah, fuck you.
Well, I wonder if you're not going to be a part of it. Yeah, I'm part of your

Speaker 1 fucking

Speaker 1 arrogant way about things that you do.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 Bobby, why?

Speaker 1 Why? I'm sorry, I haven't.

Speaker 1 Be careful driving the road tonight. I love you.

Speaker 1 See, that's interesting because you technically won the Jinx battle, but because I said something bad, you thought you lost it. When you go to 15 and does Jinx,

Speaker 1 you're next to kin sibling. That is what happens when you go to 15.
I don't know. Canada might be different than the States, but here it is if you go to 15.
Oh, Canada, I for remember.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you have to remember. That's where you're from.
Oh, Canada.

Speaker 1 Your dreams are gonna die.

Speaker 1 Your people are weak. Hey, hey, hey, that was right.
I made that up. We love Canadians.
They're the best. They just beat us in hockey.
Yeah. What a game.
Did you watch that?

Speaker 1 Do you think that Four Nations? Four Nations was tight. Toronto or Vancouver? Are those my options from where I get to be from? No, where are you from? I'm from Edmonton, Alberta.

Speaker 1 Edmund, we talked about that earlier. We did.
Yeah. Are your parents oil people?

Speaker 1 Don't bring it up. We're We're not allowed to.
My dad is an oil monster.

Speaker 1 Alicia, when are you going to come back and visit me? Exactly.

Speaker 1 I'm slamming the door, dad, I'm locking it. He just goes

Speaker 1 on the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow. How's L.A.? Yeah.
Exactly. Sounds mean, but he's very good.
He's an oil monster. That is an oil monster.
You're the best at that. Thank you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not allowed to ask these questions. What the fuck? I didn't say you weren't.
Fuck off.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's Canadian. See? Yeah, that was.
Yeah, that was Canadian. That's Canadian.
And you're wearing a toque as well, which is. Did you start your career in Canada or here, LA?

Speaker 1 I love the word toque. Toque is an infinitely better word than beanie.
Tuku. Toquy.
That's what I use it. That's your cousin.
Yeah, you fuck a toque motherfucker.

Speaker 1 Do you have a different word for balaclavas?

Speaker 1 Baklava. Love.
Very good. You like that? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a Greek dessert.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 and we're back to Manzukas. Yeah, right back to you.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So did you start there or did you start in LA? Started in Edmonton. I was doing improv there.
Wow. And I was a drama teacher.

Speaker 1 Would you meet her husband?

Speaker 1 In Edmonton. In Edmonton.
So you guys moved out here together. Yeah.
Children? No. Okay.
Except for these two.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Take me home, mommy? Yeah.
Do you want them? I actually feel a little like, yeah, you guys are two little rascals.

Speaker 1 It's like I've spent time with each of you individually and now you're together and you might gang up on me, but I don't sense it happening. I think I could kind of create a wedge in between.

Speaker 1 Can I see something? I think we've created such a nice environment for you to come to do this. Not only that, and I find it to be rude.

Speaker 1 Lisa Gilroy, I find that sentiment to be rude. Thank you.
Oh, and I want to tell you because it's something you said the last time. Bobby, let's gang up on her right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I want to gang up away. Here's the thing.
The last time that you said to me, you go,

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to be crazy, but you're like super nice and sweet.

Speaker 1 It's the thing that you assume that rattles my mind. First of all, I said about me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. She said that about you, both of us.
She said, she goes, I thought you were going to be mean. Mean! That's what it was.
Yeah, yeah. We're not mean.
We're nice.

Speaker 1 We're fucking nuts. Yeah, you toque.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah. Yeah, dude.
You toque motherfucker.

Speaker 1 Well, now me and Megan are going to gang up on you guys, right, Megan? She's so skinny. She's invisible, but she's hot as hell, and she's a neuroscientist.

Speaker 1 Wow. And Megan and I are sisters.
And she,

Speaker 1 oh, what?

Speaker 1 Girl, you're crazy.

Speaker 1 What did she say? What did she say? She said she has a crush on one of you, and she's not going to say who. Oh, I already know who that is.

Speaker 1 That's your way of saying that he's handsome. If it's Carlos, I'm going to to be fucking.
Fuck you. Cook you.

Speaker 1 Megan told me

Speaker 1 I don't want to

Speaker 1 cause any problems.

Speaker 1 You think she has an Asian fetish? Your imaginary friend? Let me ask her.

Speaker 1 You can't say that.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 And you shouldn't say that. You should not.
Yeah, Megan.

Speaker 1 Anyway. Let's play a game.

Speaker 1 Shut up, weird eyes. That's what she said about me.
Move on. That's actually exactly what she said about me.
I know. That's what I think.

Speaker 1 Do you guys have some sort of horn sound or something you can play? Oh, God. We can do it ourselves.
We do them all the time. Ready? Yeah.
Which one do you like? I'll go first. Go.

Speaker 1 That's right. Welcome everyone to the friendship championships.
Yeah, I have Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino, and we are going to absolutely test them on years of friendship.

Speaker 1 Now, I've spoken to the boys ahead of time and I've gotten their answers to these questions. It's a bit of a newlywed game, all right?

Speaker 1 First question is for you, Bobby. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Andrew once described your head as looking like what?

Speaker 1 A, a dead kid's head. Yeah.
B, a toilet covered in piss. Yeah.
Or C, a lemon head. Lemon head.

Speaker 1 Big old head. Your whole head.
Yeah. Looks like you know the lemon head guy? That's what you look like.
Yay! Yay!

Speaker 1 I know that. And the reason why he said lemon? Because it's yellow.
No, no, no, no, no, it's just the shape. It's just the oval.

Speaker 1 The yellow had nothing to do with it. Mail,

Speaker 1 It's old. This question is for Santiner.
There we go.

Speaker 1 Now, Bobby once described your head as a A penis, B, a boil, or C, a woman's head. I'm going to go with B, boil.

Speaker 1 Your whole head looks like a fucking boil. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is great.

Speaker 1 Oh, what a fun show. Yeah.
And for the final round,

Speaker 1 final round. Final round.

Speaker 1 Woo!

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Okay. This question is for Bobby.
If Santino grew up with you and was a little boy with you when you were both growing up as little boys, what would he do every day? This is an open-ended question.

Speaker 1 He would give me a wedgie?

Speaker 1 Let's take a look at the board. If I grew up with you, I would have punched you as hard as I could.

Speaker 1 Every day.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Very close.

Speaker 1 I don't think that's true. I think it's true, and it's rude.
If we grew up together. Yeah.
You already said you punch them as hard as you could every day.

Speaker 1 You know how close we would have been when we were little boys. Troublemaker.
If we were the same generation.

Speaker 1 No, I know. That's not.
I'm taking a shot. I'm saying if we literally grew up in the same time, we would have been such buddies.
Troublemaker, dude.

Speaker 1 You know what I would do with you if you were my sister? What?

Speaker 1 Every day. That's the show.
I would sneak into your room. I would clip hairs from you.
Oh, God.

Speaker 1 No, it's not weird. No, it's just yes.
Well, fucking it is. We are weird.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait i'm listening thank you hear him out here and then i would find a a a squirrel skull a a squirrel squal a squirrel skull they're all over the place yeah in the woods right and i would find the perfect one you could just maybe that that right and what i would do is i would make a a a demonic epitaph

Speaker 1 right i would take this a hillbilly elegy yeah yeah i would take this hairs right jam it in the fucking squirrels your mind and their mouth part of the skull like in that part right

Speaker 1 you'd be sticking sticking out. I'll take a stick, right? I would probably put like frog warts.
Okay, I think that does something, like frog skin, the warts, just the warts.

Speaker 1 You'd see you'd squirt it on it. You know what I mean? Yeah, that makes sense.
Right? And then I would get black handles.

Speaker 1 Black candles. Yeah, and I would put a circle and put this effort.

Speaker 1 Is that the right word, epitaph? No. Yes.
Effigy? No, no. No.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Effigy. Sure.
Right. And I would do demonic like seances.
Now what?

Speaker 1 Right, whatever, right? Yeah. And it would haunt you.
And I would be gleefully laughing. Anyway.
I love that. I've always wanted a brother.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. You know what I would do with you, Bobby? If I were your brother.
Yeah. I would be an adopted, so be careful.
We could be halves. That's true.

Speaker 1 I would get a soccer ball and I would knock on your door and ask you if you wanted to kick it around in the backyard. That's nice.
And then I'd say, I'm getting bullied at school.

Speaker 1 And you're the only one I trust. Thanks for spending this time with me.

Speaker 1 I take it back then. I won't clip your hair as I'm making it.
Here comes a bully. Yeah.
Hey, Lee.

Speaker 1 Oh, stay away from my brother. Sick of your dumb sister coming around the school acting all smart because she's in STEM.
Yes. Oh, God.
Bobby, this is my teacher, Mr. McKenzie.
She is dumb.

Speaker 1 What? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You want to see my.

Speaker 1 I made a little thing. What? What did you make?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. And maybe we could join the sign.
Like an effigy or something? Like an effigy, dude. Right? Show it to me.
Look at that. Keep it in my pocket all day.
Look at those black candles.

Speaker 1 Yes, they're black candles, right? Whoa. These are her hairs.

Speaker 1 You're awesome, Lee. Yeah.
Do you feel sick at night? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bingo. Whoa.
Ponka Chico Moluca. Go go salopo.

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Yeah. As do I.
Yeah.

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Speaker 1 That's shipstation.com, code BADFRINZ. Acorns.
They say money can't buy you happiness, but guess what? That's true. Money sure can make you feel a lot of other things, though.

Speaker 1 Oh, I feel so many good things about money. What do you feel about money? Safety, security.
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Speaker 1 You don't want that because it feels shaky sometimes when you're not in control of your money. Money can sometimes control you.
And I'm telling you, you got to get control.

Speaker 1 And I'll tell you another thing. When I first started making a little money, I remember investing in some like mutual funds and stuff.
And it makes you feel like

Speaker 1 it's going somewhere. It's helping.
It's helping. Yes.
Yeah. And that's why Acorns is very important.
Yeah, it is.

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Speaker 1 Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor view important disclosures at acorns.com slash bad friends. My math teacher in the eighth grade literally did this.

Speaker 1 I said something like, I'm here or something, and he went, ha ha ha, no way

Speaker 1 in front of the class.

Speaker 1 The whole class laughed.

Speaker 1 And I laughed too, nervously. It's terrible.
In my mind, I was like, I don't think that's right. I think that's not okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you have one teacher that you like loved as a kid that you were like,

Speaker 1 they're the coolest, nicest?

Speaker 1 I didn't have that experience because teachers were a bad kid.

Speaker 1 Same.

Speaker 1 I had one teacher

Speaker 1 that loved me so much, but he also hated me, where he's like, you're... Oh, yeah, okay.
I had one of those. Mr.
Babin was mine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We all have one that they're like, I wish you weren't such a disruption because you're such a like, you're a fun light. Yeah, that's so true.
Mr.

Speaker 1 Betman, he, on the last day of school, he gave me a Blues Brothers poster because I loved, I was really into the Blues Brothers. Love.
And I was so excited.

Speaker 1 And it was like at the beginning of the last class. And he was like, you've been, you know, you're crazy.

Speaker 1 There's a poster. And then by the end of class, he was like, I got to take that poster away from you because you're talking so much.
It was like, it became a punishment immediately.

Speaker 1 Couldn't even be a nice gift. Do you like the Blues Brothers? Yeah, I was really into that.
I was really into them when I was. Incredible.

Speaker 1 You didn't like the Blues Brothers? No, so I did a movie with Jim Belushi. Oh, here we go.
Iconic. Four months ago.

Speaker 1 Animal Hospital, the movie?

Speaker 1 Oh, you're so good. I can't get why I won't buy you.
That's wonderful.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. What a wonderful treatment.
What a good experience. I like it.
Oh, no. Yeah, I'm about to snap.
Why? Don't. I'm about to go all ape shit.
Crazy. Oh, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 Ape shit-like.

Speaker 1 Animal hospital?

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 and him and Dan, Dan Aykroyd still tour with Blues Brother. I found that interesting.
Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that.
The other Belushi? Yeah. No, Dan Aykroyd and Jim Belushi.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Don Belushi's brother.
Yeah. Jim Belushi, in his own right, was a star.
He was on a sitcom called Open Flow. Yes, yes.
I just didn't realize that I guess he could sing as well as John.

Speaker 1 He can. Wow.
Yeah. And he can do a lot of things like John did.

Speaker 1 Okay. It's not, the talent is in the family.
That's awesome. Okay.
I don't like your line of questioning here. She's being, that's just an honest line of question.
That's, I don't know. You're right.

Speaker 1 I'm being awful. Thank you.
I love you. Thanks for doing it.
I love you too. Are you okay? Did you have a grumpy day?

Speaker 1 I was telling these guys, I haven't been sleeping much. You haven't been sleeping.
And it's been five days of like holding within my calm.

Speaker 1 And so I. Don't you just come in your belly button?

Speaker 1 No. I have not been.
I'm trying to not, you know what I mean, relieve myself in that way. That's why his balls are purple.
It's held up down there. Yeah, it's held up.
Like a bank robbery.

Speaker 1 Yeah, some people get blue. I get purple.
Okay. Yeah.
And so.

Speaker 1 sorry, that's how my dad said it, yeah. Purple balls, purple ball,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah, yeah, dad.

Speaker 1 I don't know why you do an accent when you're talk, dad. That's my bad.
Show me you both.

Speaker 1 I don't know, dad. Show me,

Speaker 1 okay. Well, your friend says Lisa has to go home.
All right, all right. I'm not Lisa, I'm the mail carrier.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's another show. You got an oil, dad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right,

Speaker 1 groing. Purple.

Speaker 1 Does your dad listen? Yeah, from heaven. Thanks.
Thanks for bringing that up. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
When an Asian guy dies, you know, they say you take your last breath, some people are like,

Speaker 1 yeah. His dad went, oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know if that's right. It was.
Yeah, you think.

Speaker 1 You called me. Yeah, but you were the one that told me that when regular ghosts haunt people, they go boo.
And what doesn't my dad do?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's that's wrong.
I think it is. You've never heard your dad in your house, yeah, but it's more like

Speaker 1 your dad's haunting you. I think his lower half is,

Speaker 1 and it's possessing your balls, and that's what made them all.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my theory is this, Lisa Gilbert, if you want to hear. I'd love to hear it.
When my father died, um, my brother and I argued about the ashes, yeah.

Speaker 1 So then I go, just split them up, but I go, make sure my brother gets the upper half and I get the bottom half. Because if a ghost haunts you, you'd rather hear footsteps than the actual.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's true. Right? Have you ever been haunted?

Speaker 1 I don't really think so. Uh-oh, sounds like someone has a traumatic event there.
Yeah. Well, I didn't.

Speaker 1 What happened? What did you say?

Speaker 1 I heard a little girl's voice once in my house. But that's it.
That's a haunting. Go on, go on, go on.
Go on. That's all that happened.
I literally had a lot of time. No, there was something else.

Speaker 1 What did it it say?

Speaker 1 It said,

Speaker 1 One day in the future, you're going to go on a podcast with two guys, and you have to kill them, slit their throats before they get in the car in the parking lot.

Speaker 1 And if you don't, you will never be avenged. You will never survive the curse.

Speaker 1 Wow. That's why I'm here.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah.
I didn't want to. And that's why.
Sling. That's why I clip your hairs.

Speaker 1 Okay. And make a squirrel apotaph.
Yeah. I wish you would kill me.
Yeah, me too. You had a grumpy day, too? You're not sleeping, bud? I actually had a really nice day.
That's why I want to die.

Speaker 1 Oh, because you'd be going out on a high note? Yeah, we did everything I wanted to do. We talked about animal practice and Blues Brothers.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 Me too.

Speaker 1 Kill us both. I'm going to kill you guys both.
But first, I'm going to take you. Okay, this is what I'm going to do.
I'm going to give you all the chocolate you ever wanted to eat. Oh.

Speaker 1 I'm going to take you to a beach where you can run around, go crazy. Come on.
I'm going to let you eat grapes, cheese, all the stuff that you weren't allowed to eat. Grapes and cheese.

Speaker 1 Both, yeah, I'm gonna let you up on the couch, not even with the blanket there. You can just come right up, shoes on, snuggle with me, shoes on.
I'll give you belly rubs.

Speaker 1 So, both of them, the belly rubs, remember his belly. Oh, yeah.
Um,

Speaker 1 it's your last time you get a belly rub.

Speaker 1 What's up?

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I sit there, I clean them out now.
My belly buttons. It's so interesting.
You have two belly buttons and one ball.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyway, watch it. Thank you.
Do you have an Audi?

Speaker 1 No, I have a Bronco.

Speaker 1 Oh, sick. The fast, huh?

Speaker 1 You have an innie or an Audi belly button? Innie. Don't say it like people don't have Audis.
I've never seen an Audi. Huh? You have an Audi right now.

Speaker 1 Why do I feel like only like eight-year-old boys have Audis? Yeah. Because they get them fixed at some point.
They get them fixed or do they get them like pushed in? Well, that's an Audi.

Speaker 1 Oh, thank you. They don't push them in.
Oh, yeah. You got to get your uncle.
I think they have an Audi.

Speaker 1 That's based on that photo. Can I just show you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, you do have a Lanaudy. Oh, no, that's an inny outie.
That's an inny outie. Like Severance.
Yeah. Oh, anyow.
Oh, I have a Severance belly button. Yeah.
Wow. Do you like that show? Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 1 It's a great show. Can't get enough of the stuff.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of good shows out now. I haven't seen anything.
You ever seen Severance? I watched this start,

Speaker 1 and then I fell asleep on the plane, and then I never got back to it. I did see a documentary about that girl that faked that she had brain cancer.

Speaker 1 I watched the series of that, Apple Cider Vinegar.

Speaker 1 i heard that wasn't as good oh i loved it but i don't i haven't seen what you've seen and you haven't seen what i've seen do you want to run at each other full speed and okay i don't know anything what you're talking about so i want to see it apple cider vinegar is the show about the girl who fakes that she had she's an australian girl named belle gibson belle gibson and bell gibson she's from melbourne it really drove me nuts that they kept calling her in the documentary Belle Gibson, Mel Gibson because it sounds like Mel Gibson.

Speaker 1 They say it's all the time. Like, well, that's when Belle Gibson went on her little tirade.
I was like, ooh, I remember that on PC. Tell me about Belle

Speaker 1 She faked that she had brain cancer.

Speaker 1 And spleen cancer and blood cancer and brain cancer. And she was in Australia.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You saw a documentary on Netflix? And I saw the

Speaker 1 show on Netflix. Yeah, the show.

Speaker 1 They made a show based on it. They put them out basically the same time.
Like, I never said the Mendetta's Brothers show. Was that? Oh, The Mendetta's Brothers.
Yeah. They killed their parents.

Speaker 1 The show was pretty good. Yeah.
It was called Mononsters, I think. The Vendetta Brothers? The Vendetta.
Oh, the Vendetta Brothers. I have a speechman impediment.
So do I. Okay, then touche.

Speaker 1 There's Belle Gibson right there taking a photo. Belle, tell us why you faked your cancer.

Speaker 1 At the time,

Speaker 1 I didn't. I had brain cancer.
Bell, come on. You said you went to a doctor in Perth.
At the time, quite frankly, we looked up the doctor. Doesn't exist, Belle.
Belle.

Speaker 1 Those are my medical records and they're personal and private to me.

Speaker 1 One moment. My son's here.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? My adopted son, my adopted Chinese son. I get get to an Asian accent.
I have an Australian accent. Or any of them, really.

Speaker 1 Yeah, down under. That's it.
Okay, anyway.

Speaker 1 Down under. This girl just sat on a 60 Minutes, and that's the footage of the 60 Minutes.
And she literally is like, you don't have brain cancer. She's like, at the time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she goes, true or false. You have brain cancer.
She goes, at the time, true, false.

Speaker 1 I can't. It was amazing.
But she's such a magician. She's able to just kind of like fuck off all this negative press.
She's Nothing ever happened. She never got arrested.
She never went to prison.

Speaker 1 Nothing.

Speaker 1 What's the problem here? What about

Speaker 1 if I said to you, if I said to you, we're not finishing the story. Okay.

Speaker 1 She created a health app, and the app earned a lot of money from people who have cancer that wanted to take this health journey with her.

Speaker 1 And she said she was going to give

Speaker 1 many of the proceeds to charity, which she never did. She never did.

Speaker 1 It's a brilliant money scamming. That's charity fraud.

Speaker 1 But we agree. It is a brilliant money.
Charity fraud. Beautiful name for a baby girl.
What's up, Portland? We're charity fraud.

Speaker 1 No, I said not a band. I said for a baby girl.
Like, hey, I'm a bad man.

Speaker 1 That's what a baby girl sounds like. Hey, welcome to Portland.
I'm charity fraud. No, no, no, no.
Don't know little girls don't sound like that. You started to do Ocean Avenue? I did.

Speaker 1 Brain cancer is such a heavy one to live. That's a heavy one.

Speaker 1 You could have said,

Speaker 1 leukemia is blood cancer. That one's an easier lie because people can live with it for a long time.
Why brain? Don't tell me. I'm going to tell you something, though, Teeny Teeners.

Speaker 1 Go ahead ahead from me, boo.

Speaker 1 I think what she has is worse than brain cancer because if you're sick enough to lie about having brain cancer, you've got another kind of illness that's maybe even more serious than brain cancer.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Sociopathy.
Yeah. Yeah.
Something like that. Did you ever, did you ever put a bicycle playing card on the spokes of your bicycle? No.
Did you ever see people do that in the neighborhood?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 In Canada, they do that? Not right. I feel like that's for little boys in the 1940s.
No, we did it. Hey, I put a playing card on the spoke em up bicycle for a little bit of fun.

Speaker 1 Was that you? Well, that's a girl. You're doing a girl.
Do a guy. I bought a spotlight.
I can't. Oh my God.
I don't think

Speaker 1 I've got a cat and a girl. I can't get off.

Speaker 1 Sounds like that. How could this happen to me?

Speaker 1 I made my mistakes.

Speaker 1 You'll be okay.

Speaker 1 You'll be in my heart.

Speaker 1 No matter what they say. Name what movie that's from.
And let me guess. It's a contest.
Singing again.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm going to sing the first verse. Okay, please.
For one so small, you seem so strong. Okay, stop.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say Little Mermaid. No.
My arms defend you, keep you safe and warm.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 1 Moana. No.
Fuck. Getting closer, though.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 Moana too.

Speaker 1 Pocahontas. You'll be in my heart.
Is that Pocahontas? No. And you'll.

Speaker 1 You don't know it either.

Speaker 1 Let's see who gets on. I'm the standing

Speaker 1 on. Now.
I've never heard the song before, but I'm going to try.

Speaker 1 It's in modern. It's a more modern anime.
Is it animated or cartoon? It's a jungle book. Animated or cartoon.
I know what it is. Lion King.
I know, because I know the movie. Lion King.
It's funny.

Speaker 1 Because I remember the song. But you can't say it.
Lion King? It's not. Fuck.
Tarzan. Tarzan.
Tarzan.

Speaker 1 What is it? It's Tarzan. Tarzan.

Speaker 1 No, Santa Tarzan. There's a fucking movie called Tarzan.

Speaker 1 Yes, there was right there. You'll be in my

Speaker 1 Phil Collins did the song for it. Wow.
Pretty iconic.

Speaker 1 Give me another Disney song, and I'll see what I get.

Speaker 1 Okay, you want me to do kind of a hard one?

Speaker 1 No, go basic. Obviously, we don't know what the fuck you're doing.
Well, Centeners knew it. Yeah, I did know that.
So I'll do Middle Ground. Middle Ground.

Speaker 1 So it's still like an interesting competition. How about this one?

Speaker 1 This one longing to be thinner. This one wants to get the girl.
And do I help them?

Speaker 1 Poor, unfortunate. I know.
I know.

Speaker 1 Can I guess? Of course you can guess, Bobby. That's the name.

Speaker 1 Game I love. No.

Speaker 1 That's Little Mermaid. Yeah, that's Little Mermaid.
Oh, wow. You're so good at it.
He knows his redheads. Yeah.
Wink. No.

Speaker 1 Black person now.

Speaker 1 Black person now.

Speaker 1 Oh, I guess that's right. They changed it yeah and we were we threw i didn't see we were at the committee when we were pushing for the black person you know what i mean we want to be inclusive

Speaker 1 that's great there's a stereotype that black people can't swim that's crazy

Speaker 1 is that are there

Speaker 1 are there

Speaker 1 because this pro disproves that look at that barack obama swimming as a kid i love it Where's Michelle? Yeah, they didn't meet then.

Speaker 1 How long have they been together? Did you guys hear that Jennifer Anison and Barack Obama are dating? I heard they're hooking up. I don't know if they're dating.
No, you mean.

Speaker 1 But dating has to happen first. No, somebody.
We might just get to hook up. Michelle and Barack are no longer together? I don't know.
I just heard a rumor. It's a rumor on the internet.

Speaker 1 But I think if you're going to hook up with someone, you have to go on a date with them because otherwise, how are you supposed to kiss if you don't have spaghetti first?

Speaker 1 Oh, is that the king? Thing?

Speaker 1 What's a way you guys try to do a first kiss that makes it kind of fun?

Speaker 1 So tried it yesterday okay and it didn't work what was it

Speaker 1 she was wearing a beanie okay and

Speaker 1 she was wearing a toque yep and I covered her eyes and then I went in for a kiss wait wait Bobby I'm so sorry you were on a date with a woman who was you were in her bed oh we're watching a lawn order or something she wasn't she had a toque pulled over her eyes yeah and then I just put the toque over and I went in And I kissed her lips there.

Speaker 1 That's cute. That's kind of cute.
But that wasn't a first kiss, was it? It was. Oh.

Speaker 1 And she said, said, don't ever do that again.

Speaker 1 No, she didn't say that. Oh.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's pretty cute. I didn't know how to.
Sometimes you go, here's the thing with women. I'm going to say something.
There are signs you have to. Listen up, women.
Listen up.

Speaker 1 I'm listening. Right.
Here are the signs I need to see. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you're at a date, you have to be playing with your hair. You have to.
They have to be. Not me.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 At a restaurant. You have long hair.
You can play hair. I know, but I've seen them do it.
It's a sign. It's a sign of what? Respect.
That they like you and they want to be there.

Speaker 1 Here's another thing: if you get closer to them, if you move away, that's not good. But if I move closer to them, like we're on a bench or something, we're bowling or whatever, right?

Speaker 1 And they don't move, that's a good sign. The third one I look for.
This is not, I'm not.

Speaker 1 Sign, sign, sign, sign, right.

Speaker 1 Another one is if, you know, sometimes when we're talking, put your arm on. Uh-oh.
Right. So I'll go, like, if you say a funny joke as a girl.

Speaker 1 Be careful. Yeah, I was just going to say

Speaker 1 a funny joke as a girl. Yeah, we're having

Speaker 1 Thai food. Knock, knock.
Well, who's there? Trump. Trump, who? Donald Trump, the new president.

Speaker 1 And I do that.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? I do a little touchy-feely there.

Speaker 1 But sometimes they do it back. If you say something, they'll touch you.
That's a good sign. That's a good sign.
Yeah, maybe that. I wouldn't have laughed at that Trump joke, by the way.
Why?

Speaker 1 That was one of her best jokes. I know, but I just didn't really hit well well with me.
We'll try it again. Okay.
Knock, knock.

Speaker 1 Who's there? Trump.

Speaker 1 Trump, who? Donald J. Trump.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like you're not even getting the girl's joke. Yeah, I don't get it.
Yeah. I would give her a quick tap like that with no laugh.
Maybe you could do it. Are you being serious? Okay, knock, knock.

Speaker 1 No, does it have to be a knock-knock joke? Yes, it's a fucking knock. It's a joke from a girl.
Knock, knock.

Speaker 1 Who's there? Instrument. Instrument who? Trumpet.

Speaker 1 I guess. Better than yours.

Speaker 1 You know what? Fuck it. Yeah, I'm not taking any invites from you guys or playing this game with me.
We're girls. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know you are.

Speaker 1 But I just don't think you're handling it. Well, this is why you're not going to get a second date.
Yeah, we're here to help you. Yeah.
Don't you think those are good signs, though?

Speaker 1 You want her to be... I think the hair one is the only one that...
I mean,

Speaker 1 the hair thing is

Speaker 1 not every girl is going to fucking twirl their hair. Yeah, but when they do, it's a good sign.
I'll show you when it's a bad sign. Okay.
Okay. I'm on a date with you.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. How about this? Okay.
We're in a conversation. First date.
Yeah. Right.

Speaker 1 So it's just like, um. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Ew.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Oh, sorry. What were you saying? I was just playing with my hair.
Hi, can you and your date please step outside and eat on the patio? We've had some complaints from from some of the people.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's weird. Okay.
I guess we got to move to the patio, babe. I guess we'll move.

Speaker 1 Can I be serious? I'm just going to leave. I'll pay the bell.
Babe, wait, I was just playing with my hair to let you know that I like it. It's weird.
It's weird. Why? Yeah, yeah.
Hello.

Speaker 1 This is the mommy, and this is the dad.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, yes. That would be good.
You think that would be good or bad? Good. That's a good sign.
Yeah, that's a good sign. If a girl does that specifically, that's a good sign.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, that seems like she's engaging. She's interested.
She's having fun. If If you go to the bathroom, she can keep herself occupied.
I think I'm reading it wrong, yeah, you're right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, read it right, yeah, I'll read it right, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think if they touch their hair like that, that means like hey, but they're doing full conversation, okay.

Speaker 1 No, no, she just that that that shows that she has an imagination exactly, yeah, she can occupy herself because she doesn't fucking need you, she doesn't need a man to make it happen.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's more like you know, I mean, where were you, Johnny? Oh, yeah,

Speaker 1 right, that's better, yeah. Where were you, Johnny, mom? It's only 8 p.m.

Speaker 1 I called the police and put you on a milk carton. Fuck you, mom.
Whoa. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's his problem? I don't know what Johnny's problem is.

Speaker 1 But I like something like that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That went wrong.

Speaker 1 I don't want that.

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Speaker 1 One time I went on a blind date and I took a bus to West Hollywood to meet her at a Mexican restaurant that was on Santa Monica in the middle of West Hollywood.

Speaker 1 Is it true what they say?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it is big runs. Blind girls have bigger boobs.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Is it true?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 what they say yeah yeah yeah blind girls bigger boobs bigger boobs yeah yeah yeah my man my dog my dog yeah yeah yeah knock knock who's there instrument instrument who violin see now with you and keeping with you on your toes yeah that's pretty good so you went you took a bus to your date at a mexican restaurant it was blind would you date a girl has that has a big badge

Speaker 1 would i yeah yeah how would you know Well, you'd know. Because you have to date first before you start.
You loving the

Speaker 1 big hands. When you come walking up, we can hear it.
Big plead. Swish, sweet dad.
Splish, splash. I'm taking a bath.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Have I dated a girl with a big vagina? Yeah, yeah.
No, I don't think so. Okay.
I don't think so. And I can't say the same.
But every vagina must feel like a big vagina to you.

Speaker 1 To me, you say that to me? Well, I was, I guess to both of you, sure.

Speaker 1 That's a small penis thing? Could be. What do you mean it could be? Let me ask you something.
What does that mean? I'm not a fucking doctor. I don't work it out.
You make an assumption.

Speaker 1 Who has a bigger penis between me and Andro? I can't.

Speaker 1 I can't even. Yeah, you can.
I can't even engage in that. Okay, okay.
See? Yeah. Anyone who's finished your story.

Speaker 1 Finish your story.

Speaker 1 Take a bus to a Mexican restaurant. Oh, I took a bus to a Mexican rent to meet this girl.
I get out of the bus, and she's on the bar dancing.

Speaker 1 And she's wearing like a tiny little skirt, and she had the biggest fucking vagina she'd ever seen in my entire life.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 So I married her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Instrument.
Instrument.

Speaker 1 Instrumental in this conversation. Have a good night.

Speaker 1 I love that. Thank you.
That's insane. Pretty good.
Yeah. Anyway, I don't think your wife has a big badge.

Speaker 1 No, dude.

Speaker 1 Yes, she does.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay, I didn't know. Come on.
Anyway.

Speaker 1 Sorry, it's uncomfortable for you, this line of questioning. No, I'm happy.

Speaker 1 I'm sure you have a small one.

Speaker 1 It was in my vows. No, I don't.
All right.

Speaker 1 Till depths do us part.

Speaker 1 What are some red flags? I know you're married, but if you were dating a guy, what would be some red flags? Ooh. If I said to you, you know, Lisa,

Speaker 1 you know, Lisa. You know, I'm just trying to start this comedy.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why? This kind of, this jobeshi of it all. I dare say that.
Yeah, I'm from fucking Brooklyn. What the fuck?

Speaker 1 You're like, hey, any chance you're going to leave your eight-year-old son home alone this weekend?

Speaker 1 I don't have a fucking thumb, man. I have my mom.
I live with my mom. Yeah, right.
Is that a red flag? Sure. Okay.

Speaker 1 What are your red flags? Unless your mom is Meryl Strape. Then it's a green flag.
Oh, that's cool. That's a really cool.
Yeah, give me a red flag and I'll tell you how it could be a green flag.

Speaker 1 That's behind your female lovers. Okay, so

Speaker 1 can I still be this guy? Sure, sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, I'll be honest with you, I don't like pineapple on my pizza. You what? Pineapple on my pizza.
Oh, you like pineapple on your pizza? That's what I fucking said. I'm from Brooklyn.

Speaker 1 That's a green flag already to me. Okay, good.
How How about you? You don't really like pineapple on your pizza. I do.

Speaker 1 I actually think it gives it like a zesty kind of taste that otherwise it wouldn't have. That's your idea of zest.
I just love the sweet and sour kind of like savory and sweet.

Speaker 1 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, fuck you from,

Speaker 1 darling. We've got to get off this bus.

Speaker 1 Dangerous. Yo, duh.
Hey, guy. Hey, guy, where the fuck are you from with that fucking silly way you're talking? New York is terrifying.
You got any money, love?

Speaker 1 Sorry, sir. We don't.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what you got the fucking bus?

Speaker 1 You pay to get on the fucking bus. What are you guys fucking with? You'd like to get off the bus, please?

Speaker 1 You'll stop. This bus driver's really good.

Speaker 1 You're for your fucking. You've got you got 50p to give him.
I've got nothing on me. Yeah.
Sorry, go away. Go away.
Go away, holy. I like jalapenos

Speaker 1 and pineapple on my fucking pizza, man. By the way, this is what it's like taking the bus.
Yeah, that's exactly what it's like. Every day, you're just going to get yelled at and assaulted.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, but what really happened? You took the bus to the restaurant. What happened?

Speaker 1 I don't remember. You said you went on a blind date to a Mexican restaurant.
You took a bus.

Speaker 1 Come on, on, beautiful mind.

Speaker 1 He's got it.

Speaker 1 Piece it together.

Speaker 1 You remember?

Speaker 1 He's seen it. What the fuck are you doing, sir? Dad?

Speaker 1 Yeah, son.

Speaker 1 Hey, Dad. Hey, son.

Speaker 1 Where have you been? What's up? Where have you been? I'm bedlining on the bus all day long, man, talking to fucking women, man. Still driving the bus, huh? Yeah, I'm driving it.
I'm taking ladies.

Speaker 1 You know, talking about my fucking pineapples on my pizzas. I have a good fucking angle in, man.
I miss you, pop. I missed you too, son.
What happened to you? You die? Andrew, Andrew. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where'd you go? I asked you about the date, and then you just got really quiet and you looked into the distance. What do you mean? I've been.

Speaker 1 You were just staring there. Oh.

Speaker 1 Why did you take a minute? Why did you take a minute for a second? So he experienced trauma, and sometimes he goes in these

Speaker 1 takes. You know, he

Speaker 1 zones out. You don't have to call it out.
Okay, sorry. I just didn't.
It's a little rude, you know? Sorry. I could call you out about some things.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't ever do it. It wasn't malicious intent at all.
I was just trying to make sure that he was okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. You okay now? Yeah, I think so.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So, do you want to tell us about the big date that you want to do? Oh, here we go.
She's not getting anything. Oh, the big date I ate?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God.
Sweet as ever? Bacon wrapped. No way.
Double fried. Chocolate dipped? Double dipped.
Peanut butter stuffed? P-B-S. Deep fried and everything?

Speaker 1 Deep double-fried on a ding-dong scatter deck. Sliced in half and filled to the brim.

Speaker 1 Pitless and shitless.

Speaker 1 Yummy, dummy, ding-daw.

Speaker 1 I love bacon wrapped around dates. Bacon wrapped dates are probably one of my favorite.
I like a sweet date. I like peanut butter chocolate date.
Well, that's pretty good, too. Very good.
Detouche.

Speaker 1 Delicious. Yeah, yeah.
All right, how about most

Speaker 1 unattractive-looking food that you find absolutely delicious? Unattractive. It looks ugly, but it's quite good.

Speaker 1 Beef stroganoff.

Speaker 1 Beef that does look gross and tastes good. Yeah.
With what?

Speaker 1 With pineapples. Pineapples.

Speaker 1 Obviously. Ugliest food that tastes good.

Speaker 1 I guess mussels.

Speaker 1 Ooh, you're right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. They look like little vadges.
They look like something's gone on. Yeah.
Yeah. And lobster in general.
Lobsters always look so gross. I've had.

Speaker 1 I don't like when they cut it open on the, they half it on the no, I don't want to. I don't like how they're.
I don't like that. I don't need that.
I was violently sick once because of muscles.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't. Oh, same.
San Francisco. Yeah.
It was

Speaker 1 four days. Yeah, San Diego.
It almost killed me. It's bad.
When they go bad, it goes bad. But don't they say like muscles, right? Don't, isn't it something like muscles have a super high?

Speaker 1 What's the level that makes people the thing that makes people really sick? Listeria? Yeah, like they're, yeah, that's right, right? Yeah, that's the thing that was in eggs and shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's, it's in the lot. When's the last time you had diarrhea, Lisa? Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 What's the last one? Okay, there it is. Paralytic

Speaker 1 shellfish poisoning. PSP.
Oh, God.

Speaker 1 And this is like super common. People get it all the time.
Wait, you can get PSP from muscles? PSP too. Oh, and that's when you can like hear the thoughts of dead people and stuff?

Speaker 1 Purple.

Speaker 1 I do want to ask you a real serious question if we can be serious for two seconds. Okay.

Speaker 1 Is there a Lisa Gilroy show in the works?

Speaker 1 There's a rumor

Speaker 1 that you have a show.

Speaker 1 Fuck off. I'm dead serious.
No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I heard that too.
I'm being 100% serious. I heard that too.

Speaker 1 Shut up. Be serious.

Speaker 1 Be serious for two seconds. Yeah, yeah.
Are you being honest right now, Gilroy?

Speaker 1 Is there a show being developed, at least a Gilroy show? Well, may not be called. Do you sell a show? No.

Speaker 1 So you're not a part of any company, any production company developing anything for you. No, but I know a few production companies will be pretty mad to hear me say that.

Speaker 1 Hey, I don't have a girlfriend, but I know a few girls would be mad to hear me say that. We got it on the first time.
Like, I was saying, because

Speaker 1 Mitch Hedberg had said something kind of like a joke like that that i we got it on the first time

Speaker 1 you don't need to do his joke i don't have a husband but i know a guy that'd be pretty mad if he heard me say that

Speaker 1 um so you are doing a show yeah

Speaker 1 you are well i'm developing stuff i'm always developing stuff nah but there's something else that you're just a big coyote too i don't like when you're being coy i'm i'm i'm don't be joking you've got stuff you don't be joking hey we got stuff too you know we actually don't we're you guys had your anime show anime show and a game show and other things oh no we washed those away they're both gone.

Speaker 1 You were making a game show?

Speaker 1 That's fun. Stop it.
You can be on it. Is that true? What would it be like? We are making a game show.
We're sure. We did a pilot.
Can we talk about that or no?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Stamos and Jon Stamos and Megan Trainer. Megan Trainer did it.
That's our first two guests. Oh.
So it's only like one person competing against one person? They go head to head.

Speaker 1 Bobby and I are hosting the show, and it's... So we would match you with somebody equivalent level.
Of what?

Speaker 1 to be on our game show. Yeah, stardom.

Speaker 1 Hip coolness. So let me think of somebody that we could patch her up with.

Speaker 1 Dax Flame? Quinta Brunson. Quinta Brunson.
Yeah, yeah. You and Quinta Brunson.
What's wrong with that?

Speaker 1 You guys are being mean to me. What, what the, what, the, what the? What the fuck are you saying? She's so famous.
Okay, you know what, dude? You had to pair me up with like... You're Lisa Gilroy.

Speaker 1 The mail carrier.

Speaker 1 What, an oil dad? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Lisa, you were. If you ever do one for regular folks, I can be on it.
Shut up. That's so annoying.
Fuck you, dude.

Speaker 1 You're a star. What's the premise of this? I'm going to fart in the mic.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Your fans are going to love this.

Speaker 1 That

Speaker 1 was ass cat. Now that was ass cat.
No, that was ass cat. Shout by southwest.
Mike farts. Okay, now Santino and I are going to have a competition.
Up dog. You can best replicate that.

Speaker 1 And Bobby, you can't. I'm just

Speaker 1 the little king, okay? Can I get through the smell, though? It was actually pungent. Well, it's your fault.
I know. I fucked it up.
Okay, now listen to Santino to replicate it and then listen to me.

Speaker 1 You go first, you're the guest. What are we doing to explain to me? The best kid of your fart.
Yeah. The best what? The best version of your fart.
Oh, good. Thank you.
Okay, listen.

Speaker 1 Yeah, close your eyes. Yeah, and actually, you shouldn't even know who's going first.

Speaker 1 Yeah, perfect.

Speaker 1 What did you like? You're so good.

Speaker 1 It's like a different interpretation of actually the thing. That's art.
It is art. Yeah.
It's all subjective. Yeah, I feel like I know what the order was.
What was the order? You first, you second.

Speaker 1 No. Weirdly, you put a little vocal.
You put your voice into it. It was just like

Speaker 1 organically far away. Thank you.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 She's better at that. I don't know how you managed to put your own voice into it.
Well, that was the talent. If you're on a date and a guy did that, is it a red flag?

Speaker 1 I'm going to put my own voice into it fart now. Okay.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Pretty good.
But would that be a red flag for you? If a guy farted like that through a microphone? No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like, yeah.

Speaker 1 No. Okay, thank you.
Has your husband ever farted?

Speaker 1 Before it was your husband, you were dating? You farted on a date, were you chill about it? I don't think there was ever any farting on dates, really. Does he fart in front of you now?

Speaker 1 Because I think, yeah, of course. Did you trap the farts? Do you fart in front of him? Of course.
I think it's criminally insane if people don't fart in front of their partners. Interesting.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Is that you guys? I never do.

Speaker 1 Me and Bob have never farted in front of each other never that was the first time and that might even get cut out it was so disgusting but do you i know you're farting in front of girlfriend's past right

Speaker 1 i mean that's why they're the ghost of girlfriend past you know when a ghost of girlfriend's past comes to show you what how you spent christmas and wants to teach you a lesson jacob It's because of your cast your girlfriends are gone.

Speaker 1 Spirit. No, spirit.
Don't they always say spirit? Sver it. Spirit.
Sverit.

Speaker 1 I'll only fart in front of an ex-girlfriend if they do a blood blood queeve.

Speaker 1 Oh, Bobby. Whoa.

Speaker 1 You didn't have to do that, Bobby. Hello? Nah, don't do that, Bobby.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 That's like kind of like a blood oath, but different.

Speaker 1 Santiners, are you farting in front of your bride? Oh, yeah. Big.
Yeah, yeah. Farts are chill.
Farts are chill. Farts are actually, there is a study.

Speaker 1 Look this up. There's a study that finds that couples who fart in front of each other have a healthier love and longer-lasting relationships.
Look at that.

Speaker 1 Couples who fart together farting in front of a partner indicates strong bonds, sign of trust, honesty, and respect. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. Everybody get in here.
We're making the new campaign for farting in front of your partner. One of the slogans that I came up with today was: the more fart, the more heart.

Speaker 1 I'd love to hear from you guys.

Speaker 1 Go ahead, Bob.

Speaker 1 Nagasaki, never forget. Okay, I'm writing that down.
That's awesome.

Speaker 1 Another one I have is: Tutut is cute. Tutut is cute.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's good.
Santino, anything over there? there?

Speaker 1 Let it go. That's your hoe.
Oh, okay. Bang, bang.
Open your mouth. Right.
Bobby, I'm loving the stuff that you're coming. Thank you so much.
Yeah. Thank you.
I'm a good, you know, I would be a good

Speaker 1 an ad agency. I would be really good.
Plop plop. Hope your heart doesn't stop.
Right. Love you.
That's pretty good. Plop plop, the love don't stop.
Plop plop, my love don't stop. Yeah.

Speaker 1 My wife is cute.

Speaker 1 Let's come up with a different thing about like, you know, instead of like, hey, can you pee on me?

Speaker 1 Come up with a different terminology for that. I just don't know what else I would say if I was not always saying, hey, can you pee on me? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I say that so much. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can you water the

Speaker 1 belly? My soil patch? Oh, like you're trying to find a way to say it in public so that you're like, hey, later when we get home. Yeah, can you water the hill?

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 Like my belly. Can you fill up my Britta? That's pretty good.
What about poop?

Speaker 1 You can't come with one? too far. I don't like him.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I don't either.

Speaker 1 Have you ever been peed on?

Speaker 1 I'm not going to answer that.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to answer that. Look to the board.

Speaker 1 It says yes. Oh, is this your game show? It was accidentally.
Welcome back to the game show. It's called Look at the Board.
Yeah. Broad, look at the board.
Look at the board, Broad.

Speaker 1 So you're...

Speaker 1 First up,

Speaker 1 Chinese guy, blonde lady.

Speaker 1 First question: Out of the gate. Welcome to McGain Show.
It's called Look at the Bog. Thank you so much for having me.
Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1 I'm from Minnesota, Navadina, Minnesota, and I'm a college engineer. I'm Lisa Gilroy.
I am a dental hygienist, and I'm from Toronto, Ontario. I didn't say my name, Toot Managani.
Thanks, Toot Magani.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Lisa Gilroy. Thank you for being here.
I'm my shooting. You too, Lisa Gilroy.
Hands on behind you, one hand behind your back, one hand on a buzzer. Get ready to buzz in.
All right.

Speaker 1 In 1947, the inflation rate had adjusted from the previous year from 2%, 3.5%, true of false ding, and ding, true. Lisa, true.
False. Look at the board.
Ding, true.

Speaker 1 Lisa. I would have got that wrong.

Speaker 1 Good one, Lisa. I would have got that wrong.
Lisa wins a brand new car.

Speaker 1 I would like to double roll and big guess them. Double roll, big guessum.
Oh, shit. Okay, I'm sorry for swearing.
Bing, bing, bling. Yeah, yeah.
Listen up, tuti.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Nutakani.
Nutakani

Speaker 1 is a popular dessert. In which country?

Speaker 1 Bing Lisa. I was first.
Bing Lisa.

Speaker 1 Thailand. Look at the board.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Tootagani.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's from my mom's house. Look at the board.
Bing, bing, bing. Yay.

Speaker 1 I'd like to double or nothing my pea stack.

Speaker 1 You really want a double or nothing my pea stack? I think at this point, Andrew, it's all or nothing. Fill up that bridge.
P-stack. Here we go.
Hands on a buzzy, hand behind the back.

Speaker 1 Toot the goodie and Lisa. This is for the final up, double up, the P-stack.

Speaker 1 Jerry Seinfeld came into. Bing! Oh, Lisa, what's the deal? Look at the boat.

Speaker 1 Yay!

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Sorry, Tutti.

Speaker 1 I just don't know how she would come up with that.

Speaker 1 She won. You lost.
Now, loser statement. Look at the camera.
Loser's statement. Go ahead when you're ready.
Loser's statement from Toot Dagani. What does that mean? Look at the camera.

Speaker 1 Loser's statement. It's time for the loser statement.

Speaker 1 Oh. Permission to boo granted.
Bill. Love it.
Bill.

Speaker 1 Love it again. Fuck yeah.
Oh, she's going for a fuck you double down. Thank you.

Speaker 1 I lost, and I was relying on the money to save my family's business. And

Speaker 1 there's going to be a triple

Speaker 1 suicide tonight at the new Ganangani's house. Well, that's it for us tonight.
Look at the board. We want to thank Lishigo for being a part of here in Lutagani.
In fact, in fact. Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Oh!

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 boo.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Way to go, Toot. What a great newt, dude.
If you have that repeat again, I'm going to get you. What? Slow down.
No, fuck you, dude. You don't took you, dude.
Dude, you can slow down.

Speaker 1 Really good game show. Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It had nothing to do with P, though.

Speaker 1 Not everything does.

Speaker 1 That's true. Not every.
My grandfather used to say that. Not everything.
Everything involves P.

Speaker 1 And I go, what are you saying that for me? You know. What a great part.
Like imparting that kind of wisdom.

Speaker 1 What was that phrase your grandpa used to say to you? Um, I was trying to think of something genuine, but you were so young, too. Do you really remember? I mean, he was so young when he was alive.

Speaker 1 My grandpa, yeah, yeah, I guess he used to say, Weasels are for tits, and hoes are for bitches. Love, that's

Speaker 1 really iconic. Yeah, that's really good.

Speaker 1 What am I grandpa? His one of his favorite phrases, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, that's great, yeah.

Speaker 1 But now do it with his teeth in. Oh, yeah,

Speaker 1 I love you so much, you're my favorite grandchild.

Speaker 1 Wow, beautiful. Can I do with a toothless and not toothless? Please.
All right.

Speaker 1 Wow. And what did he say? Put the teeth back on.

Speaker 1 Don't touch me there ever again. Oh, wow.
He's completely.

Speaker 1 He had those dentures that make you speak English.

Speaker 1 My grandfather was bilingual. Oh, but he's a highly educated person.
I came from a line of educated people. I don't doubt that.
Why did his dentures make him switch languages?

Speaker 1 That was what I was asking. And that's the thing.
We're going after bilinguals, bisexuals. If you're bi, bye-bye.
I did everything right, and they indicted me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay, that's very good impression.

Speaker 1 Because if I said it in Korean, the joke wouldn't be there. Let's hear it.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I can say it, but say it.

Speaker 1 That was good. Yeah? Yeah, it worked.
Yeah. I just said penis don't touch.
Penis don't touch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's penis? Gochu. No, genuinely, what's penis? Gochu.
Gochu.

Speaker 1 No, like, what's the word mean?

Speaker 1 Gochu. What do you mean? What does the word mean? Not penis.
It's a male genitalia. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is a kid show. Okay.

Speaker 1 I'll touch you. Some other Korean nasty words if you want to know.
Pongu. Pango.
Pangu. What's pangu? You know.
Pango's. Pangu's.

Speaker 1 Wait,

Speaker 1 fart. No.
Yes. Yeah, fart.
Oh, that's okay. Very good.

Speaker 1 Boji. Boji, yeah.
What's boji? You know what boji is? Blowjob? No. You know what it is? Ooh, boat.

Speaker 1 Boji's bojo. I can put it in a sentence.
Yeah, butthole. My boji's back, and you're gonna get in trouble.
No. Hey, now.
Hey, now. My boji's back.
That girl from Texas had a big bogey.

Speaker 1 That's a vagina, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Just keep putting your, you know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, um. It was butthole.
Butthole was what? Gondingi. Gondingi.
Yeah. I love gondingi.
Yeah, cool. Have you ever had that with kimchi? Yeah, it's very good.

Speaker 1 It tastes like calamari. You wouldn't even notice it.
Dude, have you been to a good Korean barbecue spot? Yeah. Which one? Which one? Castle BBQ?

Speaker 1 I used to live by there. It's not good.
I like it. Chosan.
Chosan is the best. Sukhbul Jeep or Park.
Park is also good. Yeah, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 We got to take you. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And your husband. Wait, why'd you do this face? Oh, is he have a disability? I thought he did.
Is that why he did that face? Yeah, he did. No, he's nice.
You never met him, Bobby.

Speaker 1 I know, but I've seen him online. I never met him.
But we'll bib him if he needs to be biblical. Every time I say husband, I make that face.
Oh, okay. You hate husbands.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, if mother's against drunk driving, Bobby's against

Speaker 1 good husbands.

Speaker 1 Koreans against husbands. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 jut is breast.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay, don't tell us what it means.
Just use it in a sentence where all the other words are English and all right. All right.

Speaker 1 Man, I bought my house 20 years ago, man, but it went down in price because of the gum dungies. Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 The what?

Speaker 1 Gamdungies.

Speaker 1 I'm afraid to say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So don't say it. Okay, I'm going to guess it's the mortgage rates.
It means mortgage rates. Yes, yes, yes.
What are you going to guess?

Speaker 1 I think it's unfortunately referring to little people. Yeah.
Oh, really? Wait, why would

Speaker 1 that have any effect on the housing market? Well, because these houses, you know, there are so many of them in one house. There's like 50 of them in there.

Speaker 1 I ate these mussels the other day and made my donkomok burn. Wait, is this a new word? Yeah.
Donko Mok. Tip of penis.
No. Butthole.
Butthole. Oh.
So Gunding is the cheek part? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Donkomok is the hole. Everybody knows it.

Speaker 1 Google Lisa Gilroy for us right there. Don't do that.
Let's find out the best picture. Let's see the best photo she's got on the internet.
Yeah, yeah. I want to see the first one.

Speaker 1 She's vulnerable. She's vulnerable.
She's vulnerable. Wait, what's Mad TV?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's so funny. Lisa Gilroy.
What did you? Timeout. Hold on.
Did you Google Lisa Gilroy hot? Stop.

Speaker 1 If you write hot after, sometimes it'll be like cleavage shot. Oh,

Speaker 1 Marlowe.

Speaker 1 That's fucking gross. That's gross.

Speaker 1 She's already been. Let's rate the first one.
Look what I'm doing. Okay.
Rating it. Okay, what's going on here? What's going on? I'll press it.
Huh? Do it. I'll press it.
Do it. My dad works for them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I'm sure he does, fucking son of a pig.

Speaker 1 You're being, what do you think?

Speaker 1 You're contemplating something.

Speaker 1 Right. Can we ask?

Speaker 1 Right. Stop it.
Like, I'm over it. Watch this.
That's what this looks like. I'm over it.

Speaker 1 I'm unaffected. Click this.
Click the next one. Click it.
Keep going through them. Ready? Ready? Watch this.
Watch. Go to bed.
Start with the first one and then click close after I say the word.

Speaker 1 Ready? Over the first one. This is Nightmare on Albums.
Ready? Yeah. And farted.

Speaker 1 Farted.

Speaker 1 Farted. Yeah, yeah.
Farted. Farted.
Yeah. Thought about farting.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Farted.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's a goodly farted. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Didn't fart. Didn't fart.
That's actually a good one right.

Speaker 1 That was very cute. Oh, farting.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Farting on the street. Yeah, yeah.
I'm in Mexico City. I'm bicultural.
Farting on the street.

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 but it did,

Speaker 1 so much. Let's go to the last photo.
Oh, by the way, you were great in jury duty. Thank you, wow,

Speaker 1 yeah, you know, who's the I just did a show,

Speaker 1 a TV show with the judge. You know who the judge is, right? Alan Bernholz.
That's right, Ike Bernholtz's dad. Yeah, oh, whoa, really? Yeah, yeah, wow, nepotism.
What's this here?

Speaker 1 A little nepotism there.

Speaker 1 That was a shoot for a magazine. What magazine? It was a like a

Speaker 1 bedfartgirl.com.

Speaker 1 Have you ever been in a magazine? I'm sure you're a subscriber. I am, actually.
Monthly. Have you ever been in a magazine? Have you ever been in a magazine?

Speaker 1 Who the fuck is going to put me in a magazine? Exactly, me either. I feel the same way, but they put this piece of shit on.
What do you mean? She's cool and smart. Oh, that's right, my bad.

Speaker 1 She's got all the jazz, dude. Look at her.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 If someone takes weird pictures of you, they'll put them in a magazine. That's how it works.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 That's not why you're in a magazine. Bobby, stand up right now now and flash me your tits and I'll take a picture.
And I'll, I guarantee you, that same magazine will buy it. Go on.

Speaker 1 What magazine is that? 1883. I don't know what that is.
That's from 1883. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, hold.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, oh. Hold on, let me put it in portion note.
That'll make it good. Okay, perfect.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Okay, Santino, do you want anything to submit to the magazine? Don't get in a magazine. We're done.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Ready? Yep.

Speaker 1 Just a little cheese?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, it's a weird. Okay.
Yeah. That's good.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Google Bobby Lee in a magazine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm not a fucking magazine. Yeah, and they'll go Bobby Lee magazine.

Speaker 1 Wait, it is already Google

Speaker 1 Magazine.

Speaker 1 Bobby, is that your computer back there? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Nope, not. Because all the links are on the screen.
Oh, you're on the internet.

Speaker 1 They put any Asian person, and that's what comes up. Give me the second photo.

Speaker 1 Yeah, not me. That's third photo.
That's a great show. Oh, the fourth one is me.
I was on a magazine.

Speaker 1 Wait. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What is that? That's Korean. Korea.
Bobby Lee gets HIV wish.

Speaker 1 Is that what that says? Yeah. His wish.
Oh, I couldn't see because it was covered by your bracelet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who would wish for that?

Speaker 1 And the girl to the very far left in that photo I worked with after that.

Speaker 1 Oh, worked with pervert. No, she didn't.
Does that even mean? I did these Korean dramas

Speaker 1 on Mad TV. What's Mad TV? It's a little sketch show that was on for a little bit.
Never heard of it. Okay.
That's nice of you guys run magazines. Oh, there's Bitcoin Bobby.
I'm just kidding, Bobby.

Speaker 1 Bobby, Bobby. Look at me.
Bobby. I'm not going to look at you because I'm not.
I'm a huge fan of Mad TV. No, you're not.
Yes, I am. What's the third, fourth one? What's that one right there?

Speaker 1 Not that one. That one.
What is that? Probably the band. That's the band, Bobby Lee.
Yeah, yeah. Go to that one where I'm holding the Yuria picture.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's fun.
Okay, anyway, Jen Rosenstein. Andrew Santino magazine.
Let's go. I'm not in a fucking magazine.
I've told you that. I've never done a magazine.
That's my favorite. Okay.

Speaker 1 There's no magazine. I'm not in a fucking magazine.
I'm not seeing anything for Andrew here. That's right.
Wow. Oh, yes, I was.
Yes, I was.

Speaker 1 That down

Speaker 1 to the left where I'm in the golf cart.

Speaker 1 I was in a magazine. Oh, that's nice.
Golf, digest. Yeah, digest, golf.
That's cool. Yeah, you're in in an M magazine, too.
You lied. I forgot that I did that.
Yeah, I forgot about the Korean M.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. Okay, so I didn't lie.
I forgot. You forgot too.
Okay, we both forgot. I'm sorry.
What does it say? That you have a celebrity group chat. Do you? About Bobby.
Yeah. Who's in it?

Speaker 1 Dude, name someone. I'll tell you if they're in it.
Jim Carrey. Yep.

Speaker 1 Lisa. He's not.
Go on. Lisa.
You think there's big, famous people that I'll guess, though? Yeah. Really? Oh, yeah.
Quentin Tarantino. Nailed it.
Lisa, can I be honest with you? Yes, please, Bobby.

Speaker 1 I I'm going to be real with you. And that's going to start a fight between us.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 His group and his demographic of people that he hangs out with

Speaker 1 is

Speaker 1 star-studded. Oh, okay.
And I don't have anybody on that. They all have studs on their jackets.
Little stud stars.

Speaker 1 I mean, I can name some names, but the places he goes with the people that he goes to. How come he doesn't invite you, Bobby? Look at this.

Speaker 1 Who's in the front row of a fucking basketball game? Celtics game. You know, the Menendez brothers did that.
That's exactly right. Yeah.
And

Speaker 1 they were on basketball cards. I know, I wish.
Yeah. Anyway.
So, Bobby,

Speaker 1 how come you don't hang out with the star-studded crew?

Speaker 1 Maybe because I'm not a fucking star.

Speaker 1 God. You are a star.

Speaker 1 You fucking piece of shit, man.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 That was rude. That was bad.
Am I bad? I'm trying to tell you you're a star, brother. Brother, sister, thank you.
Hey, brother. Brother! Brother!

Speaker 1 Okay, now we got to get there. Now we've really got to get there.
I have to leave now. Literally.
I got to go. I got to show.
I literally at 7.40. Literally, I got to do my set.
I got to go.

Speaker 1 I got to go. You can't.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend. Say that in the thing.
Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 1 Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Bobby.
It stands for a cat way.

Speaker 1 Catway. Catway.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Stands for a cat way.

Speaker 1 Not going to do it. Yeah.
Bobby. I don't understand.
Bobby, look at me. I don't understand.
Bobby, look at me. Explain it to me.
The improv shows. What's Catway?

Speaker 1 I don't know, about six pounds.

Speaker 1 Fuck you guys.

Speaker 1 Is that a part of the show? Yeah. Oh, it smells like up dog in here.
Bobby. What's up, dog?

Speaker 1 Not much. You

Speaker 1 see? I fell for it, dude. And I feel shame.
Uh-oh, up dog.

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