Korean Joker v Dave Blunts

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Hello. Hello there, mate.
Bye.

I'm being so enticed. And we're going to

London, England, July 18th

and then July 19th we'll be in Dublin,

Ireland. Tickets are available right now.
We never

go to these places. Never go to these places.

Once the show's done,

we no come back. We no come back! Yeah, yeah.
So you gotta go. You gotta go.
So go to badfriendspod Never go to these places. Once the show's done, we no come back.

We no come back.

Yeah, yeah.

So you got to go.

You got to go.

So go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets.

Badfriendspod.com.

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

Let me tell you something.

You texted me today and you said, are you mad at me?

Never.

Yeah, you do.

You get angry.

And you know what?

I've never been mad at you.

You have Dollywood.

Do you cancel sessions that are important to us?

Yeah.

I know.

That's what I'm talking about.

It's an inner lingering slow burn of anger.

Hi, Rudy Jewell. Look what we got for you A normal chair Rudy Rudy Rudy Yeah I haven't seen you since last year Do you miss me? I miss you But you're going over to Tiger Belly You're doing that all the time And you're really breaking my heart a little bit No because I No no no no We embraced you Not just tiger belly oh yeah she's trash tuesday baby where the money is so here's the problem i mean and the followings and the glamour and the glitz we gave you your start nothing she dropped us dude well you know what we are we're we are the the guy that exactly i don't even know she got famous exactly and she drops us no she got famous you know that the first guy that you i'll even do one you better dude yeah give it right we're the hot guy right that she dated i disagree with the first part but just hear my point the medium guy we're the medium guy but then she got blew up and went uglier oh that's what i meant that's what i meant interesting yeah yeah like i'm gonna.
I'm going to go down. I'm going to go downtown.
What's been going on, Jules? I've just been dissecting animals. God bless.
God bless you. Rats and earthworms and the crickets.
How are you dissecting earthworms? They're so small. You're using the tiniest little knife.
Yeah, and it's really fun, especially with the rats. You love dissecting rats.
She went to ugly and also just ghosted the hot guy. Well, as soon as, as soon as, here's what really happened.
Tell me the science behind it. As soon as she left this show and you and Kalilah broke up and she started to get away from our show.
Yeah. That's when she was like, I don't need to talk to Tito and Andrew ever again.
And she... That seems to be the truth.
It's the truth. That seems to be the reality of the situation.
And that's okay. Did I show you nothing but love for four years? Pure love.
It's the kind of love Mother Teresa gave to the poor. Same.
Exact same. Yeah, yeah.
It's that kind of unhinged. Undying.
Undying love.

That's what I meant.

Anyway.

Ladies and gentlemen, Rudy Giuliani is back.

Rudy Giuliani is back in the studio.

Are you happy to be back?

I'm happy.

Who of the people here are you happiest to see?

Let's go in order.

Happiest to least happy to see.

Go ahead.

First is you.

Thank you.

Andres.

Yes.

Carlos.

Awesome. McCone.
Love that. And Bobby, you're're separate It doesn't count Because she sees you all the time She sees you all the time I'm not even on the list What? I cannot believe that Let me ask you lady You see her every day There was a fire Long ago right? Yeah Right? Was there not a fire long ago? The great Chicago fire? No The great LA fire Oh great LA fire.
Oh, the lovely fire. People are running, you know what I mean? Yeah, running, right? Help! Right? I get a call, can you harbor and take care of Filipino immigrants? Little jewels and the dogs? And I said, kindly, my heart is out to you.
My heart goes out. And you know what happens to that heart? They pee on it.
They piss on your heart. Yeah.
You piss. You squat on his chest.
In the yellowest pee you've ever seen. Wow.
Yeah. Jimmy O.
Yang yellow. Wow.
Yeah, that's the most yellow you can get. Right.
Very bright. That is a bright star.
Yeah. Well, I'll say this.
I'm glad that you're back. I love that you put McCone last.
He is the least important of the crew although he did have a fun time at my special and then he went and jumped in the uh what'd you do you jumped in the lake yeah at a polar plunge he did a polar plunge and all they all the proceeds went to so all the proceeds went it was for special olympics so here's what they do all the money they collected they rounded up all of these strong people to throw handicapped people into the lake. Handicapped people? Yeah, people with Down syndrome, they threw them in the lake.
That guy doesn't have Down syndrome, does he? He does. Well, he does after he gets out of that lake.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, shape Down syndrome, but I don't think he has it.
Down syndrome shape. Yeah, yeah, the shape.
So what? The money I donated to you went to where? I hope it didn't go to you. And how much did I donate? None.
Exactly. I don't believe in it.
You didn't give him any money? I don't believe in the fucking cause. It's for Special Olympics.
Go ahead. It is? It was all for Special Olympics.
I said that in the text. That's why I gave him- I thought he was doing a joke.
Like you were in the Special Olympics. I didn't read it.
Well, I know you didn't read it. heard i just read special olympics he's trying to make fun of me like you're in the special he's attacking me so i didn't read the whole thing yeah don't put that in there next time but you don't get anything but um whoa i am happy that that money went to there so you jumped in the river i told you not to jump in the lake you i could have just given you the money no it's fine was it cold 12 degrees outside how 12 degrees outside.
How cold was the water? Water was 33 degrees. Love it.
And how long did you stay in for? No chance you lasted. No, I was under and out immediately.
You went head underneath? That's smart. That's good.
It's deep enough to where you kind of have to. Have you ever done a polar plunge? Have you ever jumped in a freezing cold lake or body of water? No.
Did you go naked? No, I was just wearing short shorts. All the Special Olympics kids were naked for sure.
sure there's no doubt they can't keep the clothes i mean i'm tired i haven't slept but let me say something you're tired it's 7 p.m we did this we moved this shoot till night time you got back from san francisco at 9 a.m what'd you do today okay so what'd you all weekend i did not sleep at. You were doing shows.
I know, did not sleep. How? It was so cold and the heat was too heat.
I don't like when the heat's too heat, you know what I mean? What is your perfect optimal room temperature in a hotel? Probably a 70. You know you can set that right on the thing.
I know, but what happens is it's so cold through the window, it combines. And there's a horrific- Oh, it's like when the Atlantic and the Pacific meetific taught me it's like no i'm more like an angel and the demon oh and they're dancing in the air i mean and i don't really like that dancing in the air you know did you have did you have a hotel with a bathtub because i had a combo no combo you you see at the hotel zoe the zo the zo yeah that's not zoe i, yeah.
I did that last time. I didn't this time, but it's a combo tub shower.
I don't like it. But you know what I do like? And it's polite.
Okay, sometimes it's a combo shower bath, but if you want to take a fucking shower, you have to actually go in the tub and do the shower, and then you get wet. Head out.
But you know what this clever fucking front has? A little window. Oh, you put your arm through it.
You put your arm through you are put your arm through you open it i remember that you remember that yeah that's right it's a clever little zozo smart i like it i don't like the shower tubs because i feel like i'm gonna slip and that is exactly how i die i'm already prone to slipping in bathrooms and hanging my head on we've heard the story i know yeah i don't need to do it and say and they have earthquakes up there imagine i imagine imagine it happened to me twice. But I hadn't been back to Cobbs.
That was the last time I was there is when Ken Jeong attacked me in the green room. How long ago is this? Like 15 years ago.
So I pointed to all my openers. This is where it happened.
Wow. And I positioned the chairs.
He turned around like this. How nice is Cobbs? Honestly.
And then after that did a MySpace Corporate show With Al Madrigal Ian Edwards, Natasha Leggero Ask everyone that works there When I got off stage I started to cry, I bombed so bad And then I went into the kitchen Well MySpace isn't even around anymore is it? That's how long ago it was And I got on my hands and knees and I vowed to the gods, I'll never play her again. I've always had bad luck there.
At Cobb's? Yeah, so I haven't been there for like 15 years. God, MySpace is still active.
It's still active, yeah. I wonder what my page looks like.
Go to Bobby Lee on MySpace. Let's see what that looks like.
I don't think I... There's no...
They got rid of it. They got rid of it.
It's gone. Johinge's profile picture.
Johinge's profile picture.

You never had MySpace, did you?

I had.

My aunt made it for me,

but I just didn't know what to do.

They didn't have internet back then,

so they had to physically make it.

They physically make a space for her.

This is my on it.

This is MySpace.

Yeah, yeah.

And she sits in a little fucking hole.

They just go around all day,

around Subu going, that's MySpace, that's MySpace,'s my space That's my space Yeah yeah And then you draw your friends right Your top ten You draw the faces On the walls On the wall yeah yeah Walls with fire It's really good Yeah with fire yeah So it's cool Tell me what's been going on in your life Jules I am interested to know Well I'm graduating By the way look at this Look at this Look hold on Look at my finger What's going on with you? It's been doing this. Look at him.
Oh, my God.

He has that disease.

Parkinson's?

Give me back that polar plunge money.

What's been going on?

I'm graduating this May, so if you guys want to come.

No, we don't want to come.

To your graduation?

I'm going.

Of course we want to go.

What did we talk?

Of course we want to.

Do we wear a suit?

What did we happen?

You know we're dressed like men in black.

No, just casual. No, you know what we'll do? We'll get the suits from Dumb and Dumber.
Oh, yeah. Can we wear those? We're going to be bright.
I want to wear those. I'm going to bleach my hair.
I'm going to wear funny goggles. Dude, Dumb and Dumber suits.
Can we? Look at that. You and me, that's 100.
We have to wear them. We're going to dress up.
That's you and me. Are you going to really do that, though? I'll do it with you.
Yeah, let's do it. Okay, it's on May, so I'll get your ticket.
On May. Well, so school worked well.
Can I tell you? In May. Yeah, May, okay.
So it's in May. Yeah.
And then is there an after party? I mean, I'm not going unless there's an after party. There's no.
You're not throwing a graduate party? There's going to be a rager. No.
You have to throw a party. How about boba milk tea? You love that.
A little boba tea party. You know what? We'll set it up.
We'll get a boba truck. Boba truck, boba milk party.
Let's do that. Okay.
Okay. That sounds fun.
Look at that. That's what we want to do.
We want to party. And you gotta throw your...
And then three years from now they work at fucking Chipotle. That's mean.
Underneath there, you just say corn or flour right underneath.

I'm off today.

I'm off today.

You're getting back.

I'm getting back.

You're fine.

We're going to hum right into it.

So.

What are you going to write on your cap?

You have to write like an inspirational quote.

You know that, right?

I have to write?

I mean, people do that.

That's like a thing, right?

They write something inspirational on the top of their hat.

We're all stories in the end. Just make it a one a canadian yeah wow count all of your blessings something your dreams i can't say uh remember your dreams jimmy buffett said that a man of many quotes it is five o'clock somewhere i want negative ones though you know i mean create chaos like a joker like what a joke what would joker say in celly what like into the joker it is so in celly eat the rich no yeah eat the rich yeah yeah that's so funny to write that on your cap they're gonna frisk her that they're gonna think she's gonna shoot up the graduation i mean you're already wearing a long gown why would i why would a korean joker feel like korean joker where we were at enjoy the kimchi enjoy the kimchi where were at? He poisoned the kimchi at graduation.

You know what I'm saying?

When I say we were at?

We were?

Yeah.

What?

Riddler.

Oh, where we were at?

Yeah, yeah.

Where we were at?

What happened?

There was a Korean,

there was actually a Korean joker?

Yeah, he was targeting a fentanyl?

Feminist group.

Oh, feminist group.

So he was an anti-feminist.

No, no, no.

Activists harassed and targeted by anti-feminist groups.

He kept following us and shouting.

We were terrified.

We were in South Korea?

Yeah.

That's insane.

We support the women.

We really do.

That's crazy.

Did you get pussy in San Francisco?

No.

What happened was this.

And I did one of my old school high school tricks.

Oh.

Oh, you want to guess what it is?

I'll talk about it.

Yeah.

You show up to the party.

There's no party. High on drugs.
No, no, no, no. You go in the corner, you masturbate, you go home.
No, you go cute. You go cutesy pootsy.
Right, so what happened was she came to a show. So there's this girl I met years ago on Instagram.
Pretty, very pretty. And then she kind of like disappeared from the DMs.
But then she's like, can I get a ticket? Because they're sold out, right? So I get her in. I do come up.

Some high school friends came up.

Then she comes up.

And then I invite her to dinner with the gang.

And we go to the dinner.

And then I kissed that show for some reason 10 dudes from stage.

She don't kiss 10 dudes with us.

I know, but I did.

10 guys.

Yeah, I just, everyone would do it.

Wow, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

And then she was like

How come you don't kiss me

So in the car ride

I made her drive by

I go

Let's just do a kiss

Right

I went

Like that

We kissed like that

A peck

Just a peck

And I go

Let's do it again

Right

A little stronger peck

Yeah

Let's do it again

A little Gregory peck

Oh

Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Samuel French

Yeah yeah you Pearl Harbor it

Right

Right

And then we just made out

The whole time in the car

Whoa

How long is a make out now

Thank you. little Gregory Peck oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Samuel French yeah yeah you Pearl Harbor it right right and then we just made out the whole time in the car whoa how long is a make out now in 2025 well here's the deal well here's why I don't get that I don't know yeah no I don't I don't know like because if I'm making out with my wife it's because we're gonna we're hooking up you're making out as a setup I'm saying how no i'm making up because remember i haven't been jerking off right what are you now you're loaded for a month like 12 days or whatever pretty good right not last night yeah you had to all right and then my penis went you know i mean yeah yeah old boy dave woke up yeah Oh boy They go I want you to fight Let's go Black guy

Whatever

Bing bing bing

Yeah yeah yeah

And then When you're making out with somebody Your body It's just biological You're just super horny And I just Four pumps And a fucking marshmallow came out It was so thick It hurt It's like wood glue coming out of your people It hurt so bad It was like a pancake batter Yeah yeah Am I Aunt Jemima what's going on around here It was like I know you meant pancake but you said can cake And somehow It's the thickest. I meant to say can-cake.
Can-cake batter is the thickest. Yeah, yeah.
Can-cake batter is the best. What is can-cake? So, wait a minute.
Little kissy session, and then never talk to her again. That's it.
I don't know. Maybe more.
Well, you know, and this is a message to everybody. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
You're high, huh? Me? Yeah, yeah. No, I...
Why are you giggling at that, then? Because Andres made me laugh. Okay, so may I make a message to the women? You may.
Ladies and gentlemen, a message for the women. I'm ready for a relationship.
He wants to settle down. But the dam has to break.
I don't know what that means. What? I don't know what that means Well I'm a poet I know And so just figure out what that means Alright Hemingway Let me think Yeah The dam has to break means Yeah Oh That's right I get it What is it? You want a squirter Is that No? It's just a part of it Yeah Yeah No what I'm saying is Is that I think I used The wrong terminology I think so I think so yeah What Your penis has to break No no no Well you do have to break them in Like a new pair of shoes Yeah yeah You gotta break in that wiener No I mean just the The next person I like And that You know what I mean There's intimacy and stuff I think I might go for it For long termy Reallyy.
Really? Yeah. But it's got to be the one.
It's got to be the one, yeah. You're ready, ready.
Yeah, because you know, some people treat me like I'm still open mic or Bob. Who's that? Open mic or Bob? Who treats you that way? You mean women? 30 years ago, what? You mean women? Yeah.
I don't treat, no one. They're just always like, yeah, like, you know, I can do better.
Oh. That kind of mentality.
And I'm like, I don't think so. I don't think so.
Yeah. Yeah.
I don't treat... They're just always like, yeah, I can do better.
That kind of mentality. And I'm like, I don't think so.
I don't think so. No, in LA you can.
What? You can do better than a comedian in LA. It's like the city where Leonardo DiCaprio lives.
You can do better? Yeah. Like if you're dating celebrities, you can go way higher.
He's shooting today. I can tell.
He came with a couple loaded. He's ready.
Oh, God.

Timothy Chameleon is such a handsome guy.

I understand what you're saying, dude.

Have you ever had Chameleon's pancake batter?

No, I would.

Exactly.

I would.

Yeah, I know you would.

I would, too.

Fucking pervert.

I would have it, but I want to say, let me direct you, okay?

That's rude.

Yeah.

And what I'm saying is that that um leo's one guy right and he wants i know but he wants 25 or younger and supermodel like you that's not my demographic no i'm i'm the girl that i made out with last night was 33 that's good yeah do you understand what i'm saying mature i understand yeah you understand what i'm saying so it's like you know i'm not it's not the same pool that we're fishing from emperor yeah what i'm saying to you is that i've seen your pool as well okay and i can expose some i can expose stuff about you as well right i went out with this guy flew out all the way to new york oh my god also first of all you're in a pool you're in a pond let's be very exactly. Thank you so much.
But also, you flew to New York to go see somebody? That's why you went to New York. I wonder why you left.
Yeah, exactly. Well, actually, I told you before.
Wait, no, you told me you were going out there, but not to see somebody. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's right. And I want to say, like Ali Wong in her book.
Ali Wong in her book, right? She says- She has a book? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that.
And there's a little paragraph about me.

Oh, that's so nice.

And then when she came to LA,

I didn't hit on her.

I showed her around, right?

I met her places and I go,

this is where you eat.

This is where the good clubs,

this and that, right?

Yeah.

I showed them the ropes.

There's no sexual intention there.

And you know that that's what I'm like.

All my openers are women

and they're all just friends.

So what you're doing right now... What you're doing is hiding in plain sight.
Like Predator. Just like Predator.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like Predator the movie.
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You're jet setting now because of the show.

Of course, yeah.

And it's great, and I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

I do want-

It can end.

Oh.

Bob, what are you-

Well, let the emperor speak.

You know, I treat you like a peer.

All of you guys.

Maybe better than a peer. Yeah, like Alex Costa.
You know him? No clue. He works for me.
What? On Tiger Belly. Alex? Why? We go into Panagonia yesterday, and I'm going to buy something.
He goes, Bob, can I buy me something? I go, yeah. And I go to the register, and I'm bringing things in, and it's $ the thing I bought was 80 what did he buy this fucking complex winter jacket yeah right you bought it though yeah you did yeah yeah I was so livid right and what I'm saying is you guys treat me like that too like we're peers I want to say this to you right and it's not a threat it's an order right yeah Zelensky I'm Zelensky for sure You attack me first You're Putin I like that You're closer to Putin So what I'm saying to you is that I love you But it could end The dream could end i'm aware yeah yeah yeah you too mccone and you too me he's actually been good he's great and also let's be real about the patagonia jacket you fucking loved buying that you love that you know you did because it's a power move now now you have that over that kid remember when i bought you that fucking jacket and shoes that's what i'm saying you're gonna you're gonna use that as that's chat you play chess a lot of people look at you and think checkers chinese no no no no one thinks checkers everyone thinks chess guys yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah or my gal or whatever a lot of people look at you and they think pie gal pie gal yeah yeah but you're actually playing you're actually playing savant level street.
Russian opening. Chess.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, seriously, you are.
Because he's done this since I've known him. A castle.
A little... You know what Ampassant is? Ampassant.
And you have little pawns all over the place. Yeah.
Right? And you're the queen. Yeah.
You are the queen. And you've always been the queen.
I'm the king? No, buddy, you're the queen. I'm the queen.
The queen is by far the most powerful piece in chess. All right.
You should know that. You play chess.
I'm the king. You're the king.
Okay, you're the king. Because we're the queen i'm the queen the queen is by far the most powerful piece in chess all right you should know that you play chess i'm the king you're the king okay you're the king because we're partners bishop andreas rook rook rook rook he's a rook yeah he's a rook that's a all ricks oh no no no no yeah yeah macon is a pawn oh yeah yeah pawn pawn yeah yeah what is uh carlos you know honestly yeah knight he might be a knight yeah because he goes he lies oh he The thieves.
Yeah, yeah. Ow, ow, ow.
Ow, ow, ow, ow, know, honestly. Yeah.
Knight. He might be a knight.
Yeah. Because he goes, he lies.
Oh, he deceives. Yeah.
L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L. You know what I mean? Yeah.
What is she? She's the bishop. She is a bishop.
Angles. Angles.
Angles. Precise to tact.
Watch this. Watch this.
Watch this. That's how good she is at attacks and angles.
Ready? Yeah. You have the floor.
Your mom's a hoe. Okay, see? It's an attacked angle.
You little fucker. That was so good.
You little fucker. You are a good fucker, though.
So she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was Bishop moves there. Yeah, that's great.
So we have it all figured out in the studio. He's so mad you you don't know about this guy those little things they seep into us you know what's really funny look at the guy who read his face you know what's funny you said to a tongue i know i i could never be mad at you yeah it really it kind of sucks yeah it sucks like if one of the clowns did it yeah i would i it would be a fight do you she was mad at us? Oh, yeah.
That was the most heartbreaking two weeks. It broke my heart.
It really did hurt my feelings. What? It hurt my feelings.
What? Your mom's a hoe? Yeah. Yeah.
It just settled. Yeah, it just settled.
The dust just settled. It settled right now.
Now I see the river is, I'm mad. It was deep.

I knew.

No.

That was good.

No, never in a million years. Wow.

But you planted the seed.

Congratulations.

It was very good.

It was very good.

Yeah, yeah, very good.

And you know what another thing you do that drives me crazy, my friend?

What?

Since we're doing this.

Yeah, get it out.

What?

Why is it when I recommend you something, you never watch it?

But when anyone else recommends it, you watch it. Like what? Like i've been asking you to watch different things and you don't watch it and i've been telling you see what right now notice did you notice i saw yeah i've been telling you that yeah go ahead i've been telling you i'm busy and I'm so tired that I can't watch any show.

It's so funny.

Can I kind of counteract that?

Yeah.

You live with me.

Yeah.

Right?

Do I have ears?

Yeah.

Do I hear you playing shit down there?

Yeah.

Oh, wow, wow, wow.

You know what I mean?

All kinds of fucking Asian shit.

It's a Japanese.

24 hours a day.

And she's giggling.

Right, right?

Right.

And I recommend nothing.

Nothing.

Yeah.

It's TikTok.

It's different.

It is.

That is true.

Don't ever raise your voice like that to me.

Okay.

Why is it different?

Because you can just scroll.

You don't have to think about it.

You don't have to actually like watch it You don't have to actually watch it.

It's just scrolling.

I got to stop.

My TikTok time is bad.

It consumes my life.

One day, I'm not going to lie, I did six hours.

I do too.

That's a lot.

It's a lot.

Anytime I'm on a flight and it has Wi-Fi, I'm TikTok-ing.

Then the government has us.

You want to enslave us? Well, the good government. The Chinese government.
The Chinese government. The one we love.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one we love, yeah.
Back then they did it with religion, right? Now they're doing TikTok. Now they're doing it with TikTok and capitalism.
Get ready with me. And we're all slaves, right? And I love it.
Get ready with me to become a Chinese slave. I love being a Chinese slave.
Me too. We're there.
Nezah. Nezah.
Did you see it? The what? Nezah. He recommended Nezah.
You didn't watch that, did you? No. Nezah 2 is out.
Okay. It made $2 billion in China.
It's the greatest animation movie I've ever seen. You better watch it before they make a third one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you say? Did we ever what? Did you guys ever download the other TikTok app? What? Red Zone or whatever it is? Red Line? No.
Red Pipes? What is it? The, what is it? It's the Red Note. Red Note.
So was I close? When I said Red Line, was I close? Did you hear that? It's already in Chinese. It's all in Chinese.
Was I close? Yeah. Thank you.
It's named as Cao Chongchu, a Chinese social media app that allows users to share and discover different content about fashion travel and more similar to Instagram with a layout similar to Pinterest. There was a Mongolian guy on my show and I kissed him in the lips and he just came here from Mongolia and he stood up and petrified and he goes, I don't know what's going on.
Like he was like, I don't know what's going on. Imagine a Mongolian guy who's like literally never been to the United States That's his first Look at that Look at them They're all data From fucking Goonies They're still dressed like that What a peaceful life Don't you want to do this with me? Dude zoom in That's so funny What? I just realized Look at his hat I realized why they like Spider-Man Why? Look at those eyes That's the closest superhero they have Might as well do a Mongolian Spider-Man Might as well do it There's a window open Let's go Spider-Man Come on Yeah, yeah, yeah And there's no fucking buildings or trees yeah so they're doing trees maybe and there might be trees yeah yeah yeah trees spiderman spiderman from tree to tree you will see anyway this mongolian spider-man that is kind of it does make sense when you see the mask now i've never even thought about that wow yeah oh what a cute guy there was chinese spider-man yeah is out there.
That's so cute. All right.
So what else in your life, Jules? I want to hear what's going on besides you being tired, which is the narrative that's been happening for the five years I've known you. I'm just living with you to Bobby because of the fires.
Yeah. I have all the dogs, school, work.
Well, I could see you working at like Chick-fil-A and that would help us because I'd like to eat it more often for free. Yeah.
I also want to do that for free food. Well, then go get a job at Chick-fil-A.
There's one near here. Well, I need a visa.
Oh yeah, can you buy the 5 million gold visa for me? What does that mean? Trump says- Trump is giving. U.S.
will sell 5 million gold. Wait, sell 5 million gold card to wealthy foreigners.
So you have to pay $5 million? Yeah, and then you get a really easy path to citizenship. But apparently it's not even that much money for a lot of people.
So it's going to attract like grifters. $5 million is not much money? Every country has a gold visa, which is like if you invest enough money in the country, you're going to.
Well, I understand that, but this is just your outright buying a visa for five million. If you're an entrepreneur who's invested and has work here, then it's different, but this is, you just pay five million.
Buy a house or whatever it is. Wow.
Yeah, but the guy that's doing the rice on his head, you know what I mean? He can't go. If he had a dollar for every grain.
That's true. That is true.
That's true. We're going to be selling selling a gold card i love that it's it's a gold card yeah it's crazy you have a if you have a green card this is a gold card i love dude he puts everything in toddler perspective you have a green card this is a gold card but do you know why he's doing this because elon musk and the tech stuff remember yeah and so you mean all the doge shit what all the doge stuff is that like the doge employees that are clearing out the government yeah yeah yeah yeah but there's a lot of tech people from other lands and then trump goes i don't know if you know i mean and he got there was a controversy so now i think this is a way for them to get in five million dollars is insane so you're telling me enough people that's a very limited amount of people that have five million dollars laying around that's why they do it yeah but i mean but then it's like a tease no one's ever gonna how many people can really do it i mean i guess chinese money maybe a lot there's a lot of billionaires in china doesn't china have the most billionaires in the world of course yeah but they're the most people i know but no but even still per capita they have the most billionaires really by far i we don't even have that many we have the most billionaires.
We yeah. Yeah, but they're the most people.
I know, but even still per capita, they're the most billionaires. Really?

By far.

We don't even have that many.

We have the most billionaires.

We do.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

We're the best.

Holy shit.

There's Indian billionaires.

Do it.

What?

I am the Cody King.

Yeah, that's it.

I will be a billionaire.

Wealth and technology,

pharmaceuticals, and energy. Wow.
Wow. Germany.
We made a lot of mistakes. But we're back.
Russia. Of course.
We stole this money and killed. They killed for all that money.
Yeah. Wow.
Russia will kill you. Yeah.
813 billionaires. Do you want that card? Really? I was wrong.
I what would what would you do for us if we got you a five million dollar gold card and let me preface this by saying we're not doing it yeah yeah but what well if you were gonna do it what would happen you would do this podcast you're basically every week buying her that's like a buy you bought a human yeah that's like you would buy a human which by the way you know this is going to enact human trafficking for sure that's inevitable of what this is going to do there's no this bought a human. Yeah.
That's like you would buy a human, which by the way, you know this is going to enact human trafficking, for sure. That's inevitable of what this is going to do.
There's no way this is a positive program. Fuck.
So what, yeah, what could you even offer us? If Bobby and I got a bunch of investors to give us enough money to pay for you to become a $5 million gold card citizen, what do we get in return? I can clean. I can cook.
I can wash wash the dishes you've never cooked me anything bitch because you never asked you know kick me one thing today i woke up from my nap bacon were you cooking bacon yeah yeah bacon throughout my house yeah none for me you cook bacon and don't leave extra no that's insane yeah it's insane that's's insane. That's crazy.
Another thing she does is, do you not like me?

Because even when we live together, we never see each other.

That's because I wake up in the morning, you wake up at night.

We don't see each other.

There is fact that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But even when you're there, trust me, you don't leave.

And what do I give you?

Donuts.

Old fairy donuts.

Right?

I like the pistachio. Yeah, yeah,, yeah Guess what you've gotten me As a gift Zero A burden A burden You're a burden Trust me, Light Let me ask you something What? Everyone in the room When you cook bacon at home You cook the whole package No No What? What the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? about you don't cook the whole thing i'm not gonna eat 15 strips i know no but i mean what do you know what you do is you cook the whole thing and then you have you have some for the dogs and then you have some in the fridge that you make later with a sandwich so it's cooked already oh that's i never thought of that this it's the best okay every time i do it do it, you cook the whole fucking, you don't do this? I do it.
I microwave my bacon. Maybe this is some Midwest shit.
I've never been into a house back in the day when we were growing up. Yeah.
You always had to have extra bacon because what she's doing is violating you. She's cooking in your home, not leaving leftovers for you.
It's a complete violation. It's a complete violation.
I agree. It's a complete violation.
You cook the whole fucking sleeve. You leave some for Tito.
You give some for the dogs. Give some to bacon, Tito Bobby.

No, but-

Rapper, rapper, rapper.

Rapper, rapper.

Tito Bobby doesn't even eat cold stuff already.

You heat it up.

No, even then, he doesn't eat leftovers.

Once it's like-

Oh my God.

There it is.

I don't.

I don't.

I don't.

I don't.

I don't. Faceline fact.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't.
But don't say it out loud. Yeah, don't I don't I don't I don't I don't baseline fact I don't but don't say it out loud yeah don't tell anybody that yeah yeah yeah no but honestly you cook the whole sleeve maybe that's in the Midwest because every house you go to they would cook the whole sleeve you absolutely wouldn't save it it doesn't make any sense also once you've opened the package of bacon slimy sloppy greasy bacon you put it in the thing it's a thing it's a spill it's a thing it's a fridge It's a fridge.
It's a nightmare. Don't do it.
Cook the whole sleeve. From now on, you cook the whole packet.
And you go, tita, Bobby, I cook your bacon. And you give some to the dogs.
Or do you not feed the dogs bacon? I love, who, let me ask you another question. Who gives the dogs treats? You.
Exactly. Do you buy any treats? They already have their food.
No, no, no. Yeah, she's doing Filipino rules.
That's insane. Yeah, yeah.
We I know That's what it is You have to understand The dog's food The dog's food is to keep it alive Treats are to keep it happy And engaged Exactly I just give it like once a week What the fuck It's insane And also she measures the food You only get this Two pounds Whatever You weigh it You weigh it I don't want them I don't want them to be fat. I don't want them to be fat.
We have dog who zimp it now. Yeah, they do.
They make it now. Right? What's up? Waggovy.
They have Waggovy. Yeah, Waggovy.
Let me tell you something. That's fucked up.
You've got to feed dogs treats. That keeps them happy and engaged.
Trust me. My fear is when she leaves one day with the dogs, they look at me with sad eyes.

Yeah.

Be good daddy.

They do.

Bye bye.

You know what I mean?

Bye bye.

Yeah.

I feel so sad about it.

You know what you're basically doing?

It's like when a prisoner, they slide the meal through the door slot.

Yeah.

You're giving them regimented door slot.

They're not even satisfied by that.

That's so they can get through the day. You gotta go get some more treats.
And I want to say another thing, okay? Let me just say another thing, okay? They move out of my house, right? I have a dog, older dog named Remy. Yeah, I know.
Perfectly walking, spine fine. Fine spine.
Perfect eyesight. The next time I see it, right? Broken.
Not just broken, 50 pounds less. Twisted spine.
Legs, you know what I mean? Gray eyes. He's blind.
I go, what are you doing? You gave a dog spina bifida and made it go blind? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give it some fucking peanut butter.
No treats, dude, that's why. No, because he's just getting old.
Okay, you're right. Do you ever give the dog peanut butter or anything like that? Sometimes.
God, dude, what? You're like ripping the joy of a dog. There's a pill, though, that have you seen that you can extend the dog's life already? I'm buying it already.
Get on it. Get the pill.
Biohacking your dog's life. Oh, my God.
Second drug for canine healthy lifespan extension receives what? A grant? FDA support. You can do it already.
Zoom in. A developmental drug that aims to extend the healthy lifespan of senior dogs has received an acceptance by the FDA Center for Veterinary Medicine.
For Remy, we gotta get it now. The drug is called L-O-Y-002.
L-O-Y-O-O-2. Targets age-related metabolic dysfunction and is also designed to improve quality of life in canines aged 10 years and older, weighing least 14 pounds remy's older than 10 one pounds one pound he's 10 pounds yeah yeah well then if you fed him some fucking treats maybe we could get him the l o he has to be 12 it says what did it say what did it say it said 14 you gotta fatten up remy dude i'm gonna get her you gotta get him that you gotta get him right you want remy Yeah.
We're going to fatten him up. Okay? By the way, fat and happy is the way most people like to live.
They like to live like that. Okay.
Yeah. This is great.
I want to buy this immediately. What a great thing.
How do you inject it? Do you inject it or do you feed it? It seems like it's a pill, right? Or it's something they chew on. A pill, yeah.
By the way, I don't know if you ever have to give your dog pills. We just had to give her pills when we were back home because she was sick.
Oh, no. But by the way, impossible.
She won't eat it. And we bury it in the treats and the food.
Still knows it's in there. We'll eat all the treat and then spit out the pill.
Yeah. You're a fucking genius.
She's a genius. It pissed me off.
Yeah. She did it every time.
Yeah. We buried it.
Then I put it in a, oh, my God. You know the Kong chew toy, you know? Yeah.
And I put it in there with all sorts of fucking bullshit cleared it out and left the pill the fucking little asshole Shopify oh boy buddy guess what we have an online business and it's incredible because we use Shopify by the way nobody does selling better than. It's home of the number one checkout on the planet.
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Dude, welcome.

Welcome, dude.

Welcome, my dog.

Good to see you, bro.

Good to see you, dude.

How are you?

Pete, good to meet you, by the way.

Usually you say hi to people when you walk in and say, Yeah, you don't walk in like you're like during the headlights.

Your boy Pete just walked in and he starts like fucking snooping around.

Is this your dog? Is this like one of your closest friends uh yeah yeah do you have chinese eyes first of all first of all welcome dave blunts to the show thank you dave blunts give a round applause your rapper you make fantastic make fantastic music yeah first rapper on here yeah we had mgk on the show i don. Yeah, I qualify him for sure.
Okay, very good. Yeah.
He makes music in general, but you do just rap. Yeah, yeah.
A blending of genres, yeah. A blending of genres.
And we'll say for the audience that didn't get to see before, he brought his friend Pete, who's his boy, who's snooping around. Yeah.
Hey, I told him to come in here first to check it out. I feel you.
You know what I'm saying? And you know, Pete did his job, but usually people say, hello. Pete didn't do that.
Pete just aimlessly snuck around. And Pete's your second guy.
So you had another white guy before him? Yeah, that's my manager, yeah. Where did you find this white? Man, he found me.
He found you. Yeah.
That was pretty easy to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hell yeah, hell yeah. Dave, so you found this, found you and this is your this is your new

your new manager

he's with you every day

pretty much yeah

every day

you trust this guy

I do with my entire life

yeah

I like to hear that

yeah

this is who

this is our manager

this is Rudy

say hello to Rudy

yeah Rudy

that's our manager

she's a genius

she's a genius

she was ahead of Sony

at one point

for real

yeah yeah

oh shit

this is like

it's like an emotion

yeah yeah

it's way down

thanks Dave

how did you end up here

that was good

okay

I'm going to go. for real? yeah yeah oh shit this is like it's like an emotion yeah yeah it's way down thanks Dave how did you end up here? that was good okay tell them how you ended up here um because I don't have a visa she needs a visa yeah she needs a visa okay but how does that like with Sony that isn't she doesn't work for Sony she doesn't work for Sony okay okay It's my niece.
We are trying to raise, it's his niece. We are trying to raise money to get her a visa, a $5 million gold visa from Trump.
We're interested to know if maybe you would want to donate some of the proceeds. Nah, man.
I just got money, man. I got real shit, bro.
All right. I'm not in a donating.
What's your favorite drink? Water, man. You see, I'm glad you guys got this for me.
Water. This is my newfound favorite drink recently.
No alcohol? I've been on my health journey, you know? Okay. Not on alcohol or lean anymore.
You know what I'm saying? It's just water for now. Are you smoking weed? No, I quit weed when I was like 20.
How old are you? I'm 24. I was smoking from the time I was like nine to 20.
Nine? Nine years old. Wow.
Give us your story about smoking weed. How many calories is weed? Shit.
When you're nine, how do you smoke weed at nine? Bruh, I used to hang around older kids. So they were like teenagers and shit.
So yeah. Where'd you grow up? In Iowa.
Fucking Iowa. Middle of nowhere.
What, like Des Moines? Nah. Nah, it was a town called Davenport.
Davenport, Iowa. Wow.
And you're kicking it with a bunch of troublemaking nine-year-olds and somehow someone has an older brother that wants to smoke weed and you're not. Yeah, a ragtag misfit group of kids.
You talk to any of these guys anymore now that you've made it? Now that you're on? No, no, no. Not that I changed up on them.
We just grew apart over the years before now.

Before now.

Yeah.

So what is your circle?

Very small now.

Yeah, it was pretty big at one point, but a bunch of shit happened.

People change up.

Yeah, now it's pretty small now.

Do you care to share what happened in your circle? Did people steal from you?

Nobody was stealing from me.

Just using me pretty much.

Using me.

Oh, man.

I don't know. What happened in your circle? Did people steal from you? Nobody was stealing from me.

Just using me pretty much.

Oh, man.

I have a show that I do called Bad Friends where my partner uses me very much.

You use him?

Yeah, he does.

I'm a user.

How?

He's a user, baby.

In what ways do you use him?

Well, he does all the business.

That's right.

And I just show up.

That's right.

Okay.

Would you fire me if that was the case? Well, is he good at what he does? Very. And you're good at what you do? Not really.
The best. Okay.
Well then, shit, man, it's a give and take. It is.
100%. I love you, dude.
You're a positive guy, dude. Is there anything that I cannot say? You can say whatever you want, dude, because I have a fucking gun load.
Yeah. Okay.
He doesn't have a gun in the building.

No, I don't.

I want to make sure there's no...

All right, cool.

No, but it is funny.

Because I've seen a clip with him with a gun before.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, sure.

Get me.

I just want to make sure that there's no...

You can say anything you want.

But he doesn't have a gun, though.

He does not have a gun.

He does not have a gun.

I have a little tiny yellow gun.

Oh, that's...

Okay, I get it.

Pew, pew, pew, pew.

What do you want to say that you think? I just want to make sure. just before i get to going crazy you know i'm saying and go yeah i mean what i mean i don't i've seen some of your work you don't say crazy things i i say pretty crazy yeah he does in my music yeah yeah like what ah man thank you thanks rude Oh shit.
Hard R N word.? Ah, man. Thank you.
Thanks, Rude. Oh, shit.
Hard R N-word. But that's you.
You're black. Yeah, yeah.
But they still have a problem with it on Twitter. Oh, they do? Okay.
They have a problem on Twitter. That's Elon, huh? Elon doesn't want you to say the N-word.
Elon doesn't like that. I don't like Twitter, man.
Twitter is just like, fuck Twitter, man. Fuck Twitter.
I don't like Twitter. Well, you can say the N-word on here.
Go ahead and say it a bunch if you feel like it right now. Okay, thank you.

I don't really want to say it now.

I'm going to put it on the spot.

That's all right.

I appreciate that, though.

Yeah, say whatever you want.

But if I feel like saying it at one point,

then I will.

But put it on the spot right now.

Like three white guys looking at me.

Yeah.

I'm cool right now.

Also, that's definitely not three white guys.

That's a Mexican guy on the left,

a Spanish guy on the right,

and a vagrant.

A vagrant. A homeless man.
What is a vagrant? Okay. I don't offend you.
May I say something? It's an observation. Go ahead and say something, man.
This reminds me of, remember in The Dark Knight? Dark Knight? Yeah, the movie The Dark Knight. It's a great movie.
That guy that was in prison, right? And he exploded. Look at his cell phone right there.
Where? In his belly. Yeah, it was sticking out.
You know what I mean that that brought you back to the dark night yeah yeah yeah that that situation remember oh he ate the cell phone yeah yeah that's stupid so dumb boy i sure have some bad observation yeah you do yeah yeah yeah you do all right i'm sorry it was not funny no no it was funny every time he makes he makes a shot at you you have to take one back yeah take one back hit him and i got another one for you i don't know man i i you're a good guy man you're my favorite movie ever what is it pineapple express oh wow i can't you you had the scene where you were in the van yeah yeah yeah i can't shit is that fucking bobby lee't. I had to rewind to like three times.
Yeah, I can't. Now you feel bad.
Yeah. Yeah, the head on here right there.
Okay, so that's me and Ken Jeong. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, in Pineapple Express. Now, can I ask you in that movie, would you like more, the Express or the Pineapple? Probably the Pineapple.
Pineapple, for sure. For sure.
Pineapple, for sure. You haven't seen the movie, have you? I don't, I have no idea what it is.
Okay, yeah, yeah, no, it's not. We had a whole storyline, and they cut the storyline out.
We really did. Isn't it in like the DVD? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not.
We had a whole storyline and they cut the storyline out. We really did.
Isn't it in the DVD? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Dave's even seen that.
That's how much he loves and respects you. And here you are shitting on him saying he eats cell phones.
You know, I used to watch Mad TV as a kid. Wow.
You did? I remember, yes. I said, eat what? You said he was eating a cell phone.
No, I just the visual reminded me of the movie. He doesn't eat cell phones.
I don't eat cell phones, man. Tell him what you eat.
Tell him that you don't eat cell phones. Can I guess? Go ahead and guess.
Waffles. You like waffles? Blueberry waffles, yeah.
I'm a blue waffle. I'm a fan of the blue waffle.
Love blueberry. Chicken, fried chicken.
All right. Everybody eats fried chicken.
I love it too. I had it last night.
What else? You do. I like this game.
What do you think he eats? Probably Chipotle. Nah, I've never had Chipotle.
You're not good at this game. You've never had Chipotle? Nah.
Yeah, yeah. That is shocking to me.
I've never met someone that hasn't had Chipotle in my life. Do you like tacos? Nah, not really.
Collard greens. Yeah, see, he's pretty good at this game.
Yeah? Or not. Okay, what else? is he covering his face Because we'll put another image Because I feel like what I'm saying is bad Okay okay What would I eat go ahead this is your shot Rice It hurts but I love it Now we're on the same playing field.

Okay.

What else?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on.

Come on.

Get deep.

Shit.

That's right.

Shit.

Okay, yeah.

Shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What else, baby?

Come on.

I don't want to say the obvious ones.

Say it.

Like cats and all types of shit.

You know what I'm saying?

You should commit to that, though.

Say it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

David.

All right.

Fuck it. Feline cats.
Meow. Yeah feline cats yeah yeah yeah yeah hell yeah at night he turns into one at midnight yeah i do yeah this is funny if you say fucked up shit in your on your like in your raps and on youtube but you're a very reserved calm sweet guy in life you don't have that uh i only use it when i need to you know i don't really feel like i don't see bobby lee as a threat no right you know i'm saying i don't feel offended by anything he's saying you like me yeah i'm a fan i'm a big fan i love you right now dude i'm a fan for i'm fanned out right now oh wow wow that's great yeah so um what kind of size mattress what what type of size mattress are you sleeping on bobby i feel like you sleep on a twin Yeah yeah You know honestly that was rude Honestly I want to be honest with you Well we're not going to cut it out Why? Because you asked a real question Yeah and what I want to say to you is this You sleep on a twin mattress? That's very good See what I mean? He's opening up up.
Well, it's actually a... I feel like you have like a car bed or some shit.
He has like a very like kiddish type bed. Yeah, there we go.
You know, you come in here and I'm being a child. And I'm like, I'm going to just state the obvious.
You have child-like... But he is a talented young man.
Yes, sir. He's extremely likable.
I could see you on a sitcom. Me too.
Yeah. You want to act? Yeah, at some point.
Let's do a scene. The title of the sitcom, way different strokes.
Way different strokes, okay. Or it might have a stroke.
Yeah, it might have a stroke. Why does it have a stroke? Okay, go ahead.
Yeah, yeah. But let's have your character name for the show.
That's Sheila. Yeah, yeah.
That's Marmaduke. Okay.
I'm Marmaduke. That's Marmaduke.
Hello, hello. And what racist name are you guys going to give me? Jerome.
I'm Uncle Bub. Okay.
You can name yourself. And you name yourself.
Jerome. Jerome.
I'll take it, man. Fuck it.
All right. All right.
I'm Uncle Bub. That's Marmaduke.
and that's Sheila. Hi, Jerome.
Hey, Jerome. You want to have breakfast? You want to sit down and have breakfast with us? Well, shit, I don't know if I really want to have breakfast today.
I'm already... Let me stop you right there.
Yeah. I can't...
I got a name like Jerome. I have to be...
I like it. That's a great choice.
It's a little too Steve Harvey for me. No, no, stop.
Stop. Stop the process.
Hi. Jerome, what'd you have for breakfast? Well, shit, I already had me some grits before I came downstairs.
I don't really know if I'm too hungry today. I made you some breakfast.
Wow. Thank you.
I appreciate that very much. But like I said before, I already had me some.
It's grape flavored Ozempic. Hey Uncle Bub here.
Kids get your stuff. We can finally get out of these housing projects.
We gotta go. Hold on.
This communist bastard just offered me some fucking Ozempic. Don't call me communist.
Uncle Jerome. I'm from Cleveland.
I think it's What's that? That's Sheila Sheila You don't see nothing? Jerome Do you want blueberry waffles? Very good Very good Very good Sheila I can't finish mine How many did you make Sheila? I made 10 You made 10 waffles How many did you eat? One Alright Nine. Nine for you.
You're going to make 30 more.

Alright.

Marma Duke.

I'm in a mood. I'm in a

real mood. I'm sorry there, Jerome.

Well listen, I want you kids to work this

out when I go to work. Okay

bye. Bye.
Dad.

Say bye to dad.

Alright pops, I'll see you later.

Alright pops. I love you the most Jamal, you know Thank you but my name's Jerome Well In this house you're Jamal You get your own house you can call yourself whatever you want Just leave dad leave We're gonna get ready for school Bye dad You motherfucker And then when he leaves I change to my real voice I'm not going for none of that shit no more.
Yeah? Well, I'm tired of using your fat as a blanket.

I'm tired of you peeing in mason jars and hiding it in your bedroom.

It stinks up there.

You know what?

Jerome, I love you.

Fuck you.

And then the credits go down.

Credits.

Yeah, yeah.

Wow.

TV continued.

Call ABC. Yeah.
There's a show somewhere. We can get that Sony Call your friends at Sony There's a show somewhere Dave what's the deal Are you on tour I'm getting ready to go on tour You are Yes and I'm going I'm going It's going to be the best tour ever Who opens for you on tour We're still setting all that shit up But yeah I'm going on tour April 12th Itth.
It begins. April 12th.
Yeah. Inglewood, you start here in Inglewood, California? No, no.
I started in Phoenix, I believe. Phoenix.
There we go. Dallas.
Wow. So could we get comped or backstage, all that stuff? Hell yeah.
Yeah. Hell yeah.
You want to come to the Santa Ana show? Yeah, Santa Ana. We should do that in May.
Yeah. Let's go to the Santa Ana show, dude.
Hell yeah. That'll be fun.
It's a consolation room. Are you selling good tickets right now? You're killing it.
That shit's selling pretty good. Yeah, they're coming because they want to see the crowd surf.
Yeah, they want to see you crowd surf. Yeah, I announced that I'm going to be crowd surfing at one city on the tour.
I don't know what city it is. It's just going to speak to me in the moment.
I got to be honest is he laughing i'm not too sure what i said that's funny well no i was just i he what's what's funny no no no boy i sure have some bad friends very good very good that's the name of the show i love you dude i do think i do think i am curious to how the mechanics are gonna work of. Of what? On you surfing in a crowd.

Yeah, man.

I mean, shit.

My fans are going to hold me up as I dive into the crowd.

And you're going to jump from the stage.

So who are your fans?

Triple H, The Rock.

Bodybuilders.

I mean, who's there?

I hope that The Rock is a fan of me.

Who's there?

Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I mean, who's there, dude? I mean. Dave, let me.
Listen, my fans. Imagine like a 12-year-old skinny kid.
What the fuck? What the fuck? It's kind of like when, you know, a mom can move a car. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's that. Listen, my fans, I don't have bitch-ass fans, bro.
Okay. My fans are like really strong-minded, and so I feel like that'll just transfer over okay so physical strength tell me this you have you ever crowd surfed before no no hell no okay but you you are gonna do it one of these shows andrew yeah what is he okay what is he saying he's asking me to talk you out of doing that say that say that what the fuck that's crazy he said talk him out of it nah nah there's no talking fuck? That's crazy.
He said, talk him out of it. Nah.
Nah. There's no talking

me out of it. He's saying, please, dead serious, please

talk him out of it. Someone's gonna

die is what he's saying. They can hear you on the mic now.

Dave, you're gonna pick a show to do this.

You're gonna crowd surf. You're gonna jump from the stage.
Yes.

Yes, sir. Wow.
The brave

man. I mean, I don't want to crowd surf.
I'm afraid

I'll break a neck. You don't want

him to do it. What is he like? Why is

he talking to you and not? I'll tell you why. Okay.
Can I tell you why My bud I feel like I'm being the mean one And he's playing the nice guy It's good cop bad cop And I feel like the things I'm saying I'm going to get fucking lynched for Not lynched Two daysed. Wow.
Crucified. Two days after Black History Month.
Crucified. Crucified for.
Honestly, I swear to God that wasn't a thing. Interesting choice of words.
Yeah, I swear to God that wasn't a thing. I swear to God.
I swear to God. Oh, I get it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to be crucified for and you're going to be the saint.
Here's what it is. Yeah.
You feel like society is going to move you to the back of the bus. That better.
Better than Lynch. That's better than Lynch.
That's what I feel like. Yeah, yeah.
That was a good one, but it was better than Lynch. You feel like the whole country is going to see this, and they're going to sick dogs on you.
Is that what you're saying? That's what I'm saying. You feel like people are going to watch this show and go, Andrew seems to be getting along with Dave.
Yeah. Bobby, we should hit with a fucking fire hose.
Yes. These are all things that have happened to black people.
What? That's me. You know what? It's funny.
It's funny. I'm not a soft ass bitch.
I know you're not. And I'll tell you something, right? This is serious business.
We're talking about serious business. Okay, let's get to the serious business.

And what I'm saying to you is that, you know what I mean, the civil rights movement.

Mm-hmm.

It was.

What about it?

What about it?

What did you just say?

The civil rights, what about it?

What I'm saying is that, you know what I mean, we fought hard.

You know what I mean?

And lost heart.

Who is we?

You?

Who is we?

What were you doing during this time?

I'm on my team.

He was actually a yellow panther.

He was around back then.

Yellow panther.

Okay.

Well, I did my own speech.

Okay.

You want to hear it?

Hate speech?

No.

You want to hear my speech?

Okay, go ahead.

I had a dreaming.

That white people would do their own laundry.

I had my own speech that night.

Okay, that night.

What night?

What specific night? The Civil Rights Movement was not just one night. The Dark Night.
He's talking about the Dark Night. I feel like he thinks it was just one singular night.
It was the Dark Night. Okay, hell yeah.
Yeah, so when Martin Luther had this great speech, I did my own speech. Okay.
At a Chinese restaurant. Yeah, it was four people there.
But, you know what I mean? It moved those four those four. Yeah, it really did.

Okay.

I'm telling you, we're bonding worlds here.

We're bonding.

Do you prefer...

Let's see you and I win a war.

Okay, go ahead.

Let's see you and I win a war.

Okay, we're in a war.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm fine.

Wait, can I just say something because you mentioned war? Yeah. Did you know that now they're not going to allow Transgender people in the military That's pretty crazy How do you feel about it Well shit I don't really I'll go to war with any of these That's my I get it That's a pretty good You guys like that one That's a really good really good use of the word yeah i've been uh yeah i've got that lineup i've been working on that bitch ass and yeah i've wanted to use those three words so bad in conjunction it's pretty good man i like saying those words man i just got it andrew say and i want you to say it right a sequel to a movie and tell me the he needs to be in? Yeah.
A sequel to a movie that he needs to be in. Fences.
Wow, that's... Fences.
Wow. Fences.
Yeah. Did anyone win an Oscar? What? Did anyone win an Oscar for that movie? Yes.
Driving Miss Daisy? Come on, man. Boy, I sure have some bad friends.
There you go. I have a little dick.
Okay, all right. Look at me, little guy.
A big guy. Whatever.
You know what I mean? I have a little dick. I have malfunctions in my body, right? Malfunction? Yeah, and I've had people tease me in my whole life.
Why are you talking about your body like it's a machine yeah yeah yeah it's i've had bull i've been bullied okay right yeah i've seen and i'm we have the same cause same cause yeah you mean same cause we're in the same group i i don't think i want to be in that group yeah but you are i don't think i'm in that group you remember i'm in a group you remember in the casting directors you'd be like we're looking for white hispanic and other right you're other we're other we're okay yeah yeah he's saying bonding you as minorities yeah we're other dude i feel it man minorities and you you knew you you you you your success and you're killing it thank you what a resilient young man thank you you know of all against all odds i against all odds, I'm doing it. Yeah, dude.
Yeah. Resilient.
Oxygen tank on stage. Yeah.
You don't have one. You don't have one now.
No, I'm doing pretty good right now, man. I'm on my health journey.
You know, I've put down the cup and I've picked up the water. So no more, no more promethazine.
I'm not going to say no more. Oh, there's a picture right there.
Wait, hold on. Yeah.
You literally have an oxygen tank on stage? Yeah, yeah. That was in front of 20,000 people.
My God. More than that, bro.
Amazing. But yeah, at the United Center.
Let's be real for a second. It's my hometown.
Can I be real? Yep. Chirac, okay.
Can we help you? I don't think I need help with anything right now. I'll be real.
I'll be real with you. This is going to say so bullshit.
No, I'm not going to say any bullshit. I'm not going to say any bullshit.

I'm not going to say any bullshit.

Go ahead, go ahead.

No, no, no.

Because, you know, I was dear friends with Ralphie.

Yes.

Right?

And I never said anything.

Rest in peace.

I never said anything.

Right.

Yeah.

And I've always regretted that I didn't.

It's like, you know, when people have a drug addiction at the store, right?

I always go up to them.

If you ever want to go to a meeting, I'll take you.

And I always do.

Well, for your reference, I don't know if you know, Bobby is a...

A recovering alcoholic. Yeah, I do that for sure.
So what I'm saying is that, jokes aside, is there anything we can do? Because it's like, at the end of the day, we want you to get healthy here. And I'm working on that, you know? But what are you doing? What am I doing? I'm exercising, eating correctly.
Okay, good. Drinking a lot of water.
Good, good, good. You know, I recently got out of the hospital and that was like a wake-up call for me of sorts what happened what happened made you go to the hospital uh a bunch of bullshit uh but yeah i'm doing good now you're fine you're fine did you have a serious incident that made you go to the hospital that uh yeah yeah but i'm chilling now you know i'm making the changes you know but what he's saying is we want Dave Bluntz around.
Yeah, we really do. I appreciate that.
I think you're very talented and very kind. I think what you can do for me is just emotional support.
There you go. You know what I'm saying? A couple attaboys, claps.
Attaboys. Attaboy.
And yeah. So are your parents still together? My mom, my dad passed away when I was young.
But my mom, my mom, she's my everything. His dad died too.
Yeah, I'm so sorry, brother.

Rest in peace.

Another thing you have in common.

We have so much in common.

We might be like-

Blood hurt.

Did we just become bad friends?

Yeah, yeah, we did, yeah.

I want to do a movie called War Babies with you.

War Babies, yeah.

I'll go to war with any of these.

No, our father was black.

Yeah.

And he did a couple of wars in different places.

He loved war.

And then we're offspring of that black man. I'd watch that movie.
I feel like we could sell that. Yeah, yeah.
I don't know if you could. Yeah, yeah.
I don't think so. No, not to like Netflix.
We could probably do a 2B release. I would love to see it.
I think we could do a 2B release. You know, Plex, free movies.
I feel like it might end up on YouTube. It's going to be a YouTube show.
Yeah. War Babies.
So you live in LA? Where do you live? I live in LA now. I recently moved here.
Well, back in June, I moved here. You like it? Yeah.
I didn't like it at first. Then I went back home to visit, and I'm like, hey, get the fuck out of here and get back to LA.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now I love it.
This is my new home now. Good, dude.
You're going to be touring from here. It's hard to tour from LA.
There's two guys that tour from LA. It's tough, I will say.
What do you mean? It's hard. Well, I mean, you're flying across the country and you're- Oh, no.
I don't fly. Fuck all that.
I'm going on a tour bus. Oh, okay.
When's the last time you've flown? When I came here. When I came here.
When I did to the Chicago, like the fucking United Center, we drove there, bro. That was 30 hours.
That was the worst mistake of my fucking life. That's a far drive.
Yeah, on a fucking I'm not trying to be funny oh just can I finish for free go anyway so yeah man we drove there and it was in a sprinter van why does he look like he can't like are you good why did you like get away from the mic and like turn I'm really listening okay but no you're not like you was you was turned away I have slanty ears too okay all right i have to lean it this way god you're being racist oh my bad all right i like that jacket by the way but uh no man yeah it was in a fucking sprinter van and that shit sucked it was 30 hours non-stop driving we didn't stop at all and the fucking seatbelt buckle was poking me in my ass at least i hope it was a seatbelt buckle right never know it's sprinter was Sprinter Vans. But now you're going to be on a tour bus.
Yeah. We did the tour bus, him and I.
Yeah, we did. And you can't poo.
That's what I've heard. You can't shit on the bus.
Yeah, you can't shit. I've seen that in the show.
Well, you physically can't. It's also an uncomfortable...
The bathroom is small. The toilet's against the door.
You can't do it. Yeah.
You cannot do it. Mine's got a pretty big bathroom in it, bathroom in it though really yeah okay because ours didn't definitely not have a big bathroom we had to put shit in the shower because we ran out of storage space but go ahead and ask the question i don't want to go ahead i can't i can't why it's a time passed and it's like it's rude and i don't like it what was it i don't like it yeah i can't it's it's gonna it's the timing you know in comedy there's timing yeah comed, yeah.
It had to be there. I don't have the confidence to say it.
I'm going to guess as a comedian. Okay, good.
I'm going to guess that it's something to do with the flight. Oh, yeah? We can talk about that? Yeah, yeah.
Let's talk about it. It wasn't going to be funny, but I was just curious about when people see you get on the plane, do you get mean imagine my uncle in germany who's bigger than you have to buy the whole aisle the whole aisle like the aisle that people walk down no the uh like the row the row the whole no i had the row right no two seats though two seats, though.
Two seats. Not the row.
Okay. Not the row.
Good. Not the row.
Yeah, yeah. And they don't get scared, so that's good.
I've answered my own question. I love you.
Do you have a girlfriend? We recently just broke up. Oh, no.
You're free. Yeah, you're free, dude.
You broke up with her, right? How did that happen? Yes. You like the white stuff? Kinda.
It was like a mutual thing. You like the white stuff? What flavor? Yeah, what uh yes you like the white kinda it was like a mutual thing you like the white stuff what flavor yeah what flavor do you like man come on bro what flavor you like man right now french vanilla i bet okay it's not even necessarily white that's just my track record ah is white i'm attracted to all of them you know but but not rocky road i shoot for black but i land at white yeah you know what i'm saying yeah um you're an lano guy i don't really like la women man i usually uh go outside of la for the women like chatsworth chatsworth what's that what do you mean surrounding los angeles you mean all out of california as a whole no i usually be like flying bitches out type shit.
You be flying bitches out. Oh, shit.
That's the best way, dog. Yes, sir.
Congratulations, player. We got to fly these bitches out.
Yeah, you got to fly them out. Are you putting them up first class? Nah.
No. Coach, right? Coach, baby.
Middle seat. Spirit flight.
Yes, middle seat. Spirit middle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what if they, because he likes to, he often, not, sorry.
Sometimes Bobby has friends that fly out. Okay.
But I'm curious to know, do they stay in a hotel or do they stay at your house? They stay with me, man. What if they say, I want a hotel? Would you get them a hotel? Those ones I usually just go, I don't think it's going to work out.
It's not going to work out? Yeah. You know what? You know the signs.
He knows the signs. Yeah.
You know when they're using you? No, no, I don't.

Now, no, I don't.

What do you mean?

I don't know when they're using me.

Oh, you don't know.

It's hard for me to tell sometimes.

Sometimes they do.

Sometimes they do, yeah.

So you've flown somebody out.

Most of the time they do.

You've flown somebody out.

Yes.

And you realized that they were using you.

Yes.

And that hurts.

That hurts.

It hurts because she was living with me, yeah.

Yeah, I know, I know.

Oh, man.

But has it not happened to me? It has. Damn.
He's gone through that. And so do they ask for money and shit? Yeah, yeah.
And they say, will you buy me shit? Yeah, but these ones, man, these are like real trench bitches. Do you know what a trench bitch is? I can guess.
Google a trench bitch for me. I don't think you'll be able to find it.
Something from like World War II pop up. Oh, that's a song who sings that oh black black youngster yeah yeah black youngster see photos of some trench bitches let me read the lyrics please yeah yeah yeah this is i didn't know this was a song i put my life on the line i'm gonna break up with you don't do it white do it like like they do it let's go yeah i put my life on the line i'm gonna break up with you ho it's over you've been disrespectful i hope crazy house come get you ho pistol by the dresser because i'm sleeping by my pistol ho i don't tongue wrestle when you speaking on my bitches ho i can't put i can't put my bitch before my bro because my bro that's my bro but my bro he gotta know then he can't disrespect my ho she ain't just no wait she ain't just no any ho she's some like my mind hoe even though she my side bitch i buy her a range ro-ver wow that's really good that was good that was good that was yeah that was really like how you did the rover thing ro-ver yeah let's do and he didn't even do that i wrote that for you black youngster so reach out can i see a photo of a trench house wait hold on hold on the next lyric literally says trench bitch trench bitch she don't give a fuck about rich bitch i keep my oh so photo of a trench house? Wait, hold on, hold on.
The next lyric literally says, trench bitch. Trench bitch.
She don't give a fuck about rich bitch. I keep my, oh, so you like a trench bitch.
This means she is. She's from the trenches.
She's from the streets. The trenches.
Right. The trenches, yeah.
She's not used to like luxury lifestyle. Our generation calls them real ones.
Yeah, yeah. The real ones.
Trench bitches, yeah. Anyway.
Well, listen up, Dave Bluntz. You got we were you're we gotta you gotta come back here you gotta come yeah we love you do you have any burning questions to ask us before we wrap up the show um anything that you wanted to say well i do want to ask man you know when we get in a new season dave oh never it's over it's over it's like seriously it's over yeah yeah like bro no it's not like come on no it's done that was one of the things that's one of the requirements uh when uh when Hamas returned the israeli all right all right all right all right all right that's a true story no no no when when Hamas returned the hostages they said but no more today no more day and that was part of the deal is it seriously done my night and I know bullshit no it is that's.
It's done, yeah. Yeah, it's done.
Damn. It kind of left on like a cliffhanger almost.
Yeah, well, blame Hamas. Blame Hamas.
Oh, seriously. That's who did it.
How come you didn't get Bobby a role on the show? That's a really interesting. That's a really interesting question.
That I really never had the answer to. I mean, I can give you the answer.
Go ahead. We really only worked with people that really kind of were, you know.
What? That was like legit actors. The show was filled with really good actors.
Gator wasn't even, he had no roles before that. Yeah, no, that's right.
I was being facetious. Now, you know, I had no control over the show.
I wish I could have got Bob on the show, but he... Dave doesn't like me.
Dave doesn't like you, that's right. Seriously? Let's just move on.
No, dude, no. Hollywood doesn't really work that way.
It doesn't work that way. Well, I wish it did, but if it was my show, clearly, we're making our own shows together.
But when you're on somebody else's show... You guys are having a show together? Yeah, we have a Hulu animated show.
We do, and we have a game. And we would love to have you in it.
Hey, hell yeah, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shit. Yeah, let me know.
I'm down. You'll play Jerome.
Hell yeah. No, we'll make him like a pixie or something.
What's the, okay. What is the animated show about, if you guys want to shoot? We can't leak it yet.
Okay, okay. But we'll get the audio off there.
I swear to God, we're going to use you. Dave's on tour.
Go to, what is it, DaveBluntz.com? .co, .co. Some bastard took .com.
We got to get that out. Oh, we got to get to get them.
DaveBluntz.co. Go to DaveBluntz.co.
He's going to be down there in the Crescent Ballroom. Oh, Phoenix.
Love, dude. House of Blues, Cambridge.
He's going to Texas there. A bunch of Texas dates.
Atlanta and New York. The Market Hotel in New York.
Well, Dave, do me a big favor. We appreciate you being on the show.
We end the show by you saying something that you really feel deep in your heart to Rudy Jules. If it's a truth you need to tell her or something very powerful.
Give her a powerful message. To her? She's young.
Yeah, she needs kind of a little bit of advice. How old is she? What are you, six? Yeah.
Yes, she's six. No, she's 20, what, two? 23.
23. Okay.
Give her some life advice that you've learned. Life advice, you know, shit, you know, you're in your 20s.
This is the time to fuck up and make all the mistakes. Do drugs.
Be in a relationship that's bad for you. You know what I'm saying? This is the time to do it now.
Yeah. So when you're 30, like you've been through shit, you're like, all right, now it's time for me to be a good person, citizen.

Level out.

I want you to look in that camera right there and say,

thank you for being a bad friend.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo-hoo.
Yeah.

Woo-hoo.

Yeah.

Woo-hoo.