Korean Joker v Dave Blunts

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians.

Speaker 1 These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save.

Speaker 1 Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations.

Speaker 1 Hello. Hello there, mate, mate.
I'm Benz on toast. And we're going to London, England, July 18th.
And then July 19th, we'll be in Dublin, Ireland. Tickets are available right now.

Speaker 1 We never go to these places. Never go to these places.
Once the show's done, we no come back. We no come back.
Yeah, yeah. So you gotta go.
You gotta go. So go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets.

Speaker 1 Badfriendspod.com.com. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends. Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 You texted me today and you said, Are you mad at me? Never. Yeah, you do.
You get angry. And you know what? I've never been mad at you.

Speaker 1 You have Dollywood. Do you cancel sessions that are important to us? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know. That's what I'm talking about.
It's an inner lingering

Speaker 1 slow burn of anger. Hi, Rudy Jewel.
Look at what we got for you.

Speaker 1 A normal chair. Rudy.
Rudy. Rudy.
Rudy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I haven't seen you since last year.

Speaker 1 Do you miss me? I missed you, but you're going over to Tiger Belly. You're doing that all the time, and you're really breaking my heart a little bit.

Speaker 2 No, because I

Speaker 1 embraced you. Not just Tiger Belly.
Oh, yeah. She's on the show.
Trash Tuesday, baby, where the money is. So here's the problem.

Speaker 1 And the followings and the glamour and the glitz. We gave you your start.
Nothing.

Speaker 1 She dropped us, dude. Well, you know what we are?

Speaker 1 We are the guy that dated us. Exactly, dude.

Speaker 1 I don't even know. Nor she got famous.
Exactly. And she dropped us.
No, she got famous. You know that the first guy that you dated.
I'll even do one you better, dude. Yeah, give it.
Right.

Speaker 1 We're the hot guy, right, that she dated. I disagree with the first part.
But just to hear my point. We're the medium guy.
We're the medium guy. But then she got blew up and went uglier.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what I meant. That's what I meant.
Interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like,

Speaker 1 I'm going to go down. I'm going to go downtown.
What's been going on, Jules?

Speaker 2 I've just been dissecting animals.

Speaker 1 god bless which

Speaker 2 um rats and earthworms and um

Speaker 1 the crickets how are you dissecting earthworms they're so small you're using the tiniest little knife yeah and it's really fun especially with the rats you love dissecting rats she went to ugly and also just ghosted yeah the hot guy well as soon as as soon as here's what really happened Tell me the science behind it.

Speaker 1 As soon as she left this show and you and Kalila broke up and she started to get away from our show,

Speaker 1 that's when she was like, I don't need to talk to Tito Andrew ever again. And she

Speaker 1 seems the truth. That seems to me.
Seems to be the reality. That's okay.
Did I show you nothing but love for four years? Pure love.

Speaker 1 It's the kind of love Mother Teresa gave. Same.
To the poorest. Exactly.
Yeah, yeah. It's that kind of

Speaker 1 unhinged. No, unhinged.
That's not undying. Undying love.
That's what I meant. Anyway.
Ladies and gentlemen, Rudy Juliani is back. Rudy Giuliani is back in the studio.

Speaker 1 Are you happy happy to be back? I'm happy. Who of the people here are you happiest to see? Let's go in order.
Happiest to least, happy to see. Go ahead.
First is you. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Andres. Yes.

Speaker 1 Carlos. Awesome.
Macon. Love that.

Speaker 1 And Bobby's separate. You're separate.
It doesn't count because she sees you all the time.

Speaker 1 She sees you all the time. I'm not even on the list.
What?

Speaker 1 I cannot believe it. I don't know.
Let me ask you, lady. You see her every day.
There was a fire long ago, right? Yeah. Right? Was there not a fire long ago?

Speaker 1 The great Chicago fire.

Speaker 1 No, the great LA fires. Oh, the lovely fire.
People are running. You know what I mean? Ah! Yeah, running, right?

Speaker 1 Right. I get a call.
Can you harbor and take care of

Speaker 1 pillagrams? Little Jules

Speaker 1 and the dogs. And I said, kindly,

Speaker 1 my heart is out to you. My heart goes out.
And you know what happens to that heart?

Speaker 1 They pee on it. They piss on your heart.
Yeah. You piss, you squat on his chest.
In the yellowest teeth you've ever seen. Wow.
Yeah. Jimmy Yong-O-Yang yellow.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the most yellow you can get. Bright, very bright.
That is a bright star. Yeah.
Well, I'll say this. I'm glad that you're back.
I love that you put McCone last.

Speaker 1 He is the least important of the crew. Although he did have a fun time at my special, and then he went and jumped in the...

Speaker 1 What did you do? You jumped in the lake? Yeah, at a polar plunge. He did a polar plunge, and all the proceeds went to...
So all the proceeds went, it was for Special Olympics. So here's what they do.

Speaker 1 All the money they collected, they rounded up all of these strong people to throw handicapped people into the lake.

Speaker 1 Handicapped people, yeah, people with Down syndrome, they threw them in the lake. That guy doesn't have Down syndrome, he does.
Well, he does after he gets out of that lake, oh, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 I mean, shaped Down syndrome, but I don't think he had

Speaker 1 Down syndrome, shape, yeah, yeah, the shape, yeah. So, what the money I donated to you went to where I hope it didn't go to you.
And how much did I donate? None, exactly. I don't believe in it.

Speaker 1 You didn't give him any money, I don't believe in the fucking cause, it's for special Olympics.

Speaker 1 Go ahead.

Speaker 1 It is? It was all for Special Olympics. I said that in the text.
That's why I gave it. I thought he was doing a joke.
Like, you were in the Special Olympics. I don't even read it.

Speaker 1 Well, I know you didn't read it.

Speaker 1 I just read Special Olympics. He's trying to make fun of me.
You're in the Special One. He's attacking me, so I didn't read the whole thing.
Yeah, don't put that in there next time.

Speaker 1 But you don't get anything. But, whoa.

Speaker 1 I am happy that that money went to there. So you jumped in the river.
I told you not to jump in the lake. I could have just given you the money.
No, it's fine. Was it cold? It was 12 degrees outside.

Speaker 1 How cold was the water? Water was 33 degrees. Love it.
And how long did you stay in for? No chance you lasted. No, I was under and we out immediately.
You went head underneath? That's smart.

Speaker 1 That's good. It's deep enough to where you kind of have to.
Have you ever done a polar plunge? Have you ever jumped in a freezing cold lake or body of water? No.

Speaker 2 Did you go naked?

Speaker 1 No, I was just wearing shorts, shorts. All the Special Olympics kids were naked for sure.
There's no doubt. They can't keep the clothes on.
I mean, I'm tired. I haven't slept.

Speaker 1 But let me say something.

Speaker 1 You're tired? It's 7 p.m.

Speaker 1 We did this. We moved this shoot till nighttime.
You got back from San Francisco at 9 a.m. What'd you do today? Okay, so

Speaker 1 all weekend, I did not sleep at all. You were doing shows.
I know. Did not sleep.
How? I just couldn't. It was so cold and the heat was too heat.
I don't like that when the heat's too heat.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? What is your perfect optimal room temperature in a hotel? Probably at 70. You know, you can set that right on the thing.

Speaker 1 I know, but what happens is it's so cold through the window. Oh.
Oh. It combines.
And

Speaker 1 there's a horrific. Oh, it's like when the Atlantic and the Pacific meet.
It's like, no, I'm more like an angel and the demon. Oh.
And they're dancing in the air.

Speaker 1 And I don't really like that. Dancing in the air.
Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1 Now, did you have a hotel with a bathtub?

Speaker 1 It's a combo, no.

Speaker 1 You see at the Hotel Zoe? The Zoe. The Zoe.
Yeah. Because it's not Zoe? I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did that last time.
I didn't this time, but it's a combo tub shower. I don't like it.

Speaker 1 But you know what I do like? And it's polite.

Speaker 1 Because sometimes it's a combo shower bath, but if you want to take a fucking shower, you have to actually go in the tub and do the shower, and then you get wet. Get out.

Speaker 1 But you know what this clever fucking friend has? A little window. Oh, you put your arm through it.
You put your arm through it and you open it. I remember that.
Do you remember that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's right. And it's a clever little Zozo.
I like it. I don't like the shower tubs because I feel like I'm going to slip.
And that is exactly how I die.

Speaker 1 I'm already prone to slipping in bathrooms and hitting my head on the bathroom. Well, you've heard the story.
I know.

Speaker 1 I don't need to do it. And they they have earthquakes up there.
Imagine. I imagine.
Imagine it happened to me twice. But I hadn't been back to Cobb's.

Speaker 1 That was the time. That was the last time I was there when Ken Jung attacked me in the green room.
How long ago is this? Like 15 years ago. So I pointed to all my openers.
This is where it happened.

Speaker 1 Wow. And I positioned the chairs.
He turned around like this. How nice is Cobbs?

Speaker 1 Honestly.

Speaker 1 And then after that, I did a MySpace corporate show

Speaker 1 with Al Madrigal. Wow.
Ian Edwards, Natasha Legero.

Speaker 1 It's ask everyone that works there. When I got off stage, I started to cry.
I bumped so bad. And then I went to the kitchen.
Well, MySpace isn't even around anymore, is it? That's how long ago it was.

Speaker 1 And I got on my hands and knees and I vowed to the gods I'll never play her again. I've always had bad luck there.
At Cobb's or in Space? Yeah, so I haven't been there for like 15 years.

Speaker 1 God, MySpace is still active. It's still active, yeah.
I wonder what MyPage looks like. Go to Bobby Lee on MySpace.
Let's see what that looks like. I don't think I, there's no way.

Speaker 1 They got rid of it. They got rid of it.
It's gone. Johing's profile picture.

Speaker 1 Johing profile picture. You never had MySpace, did you?

Speaker 2 I had. My aunt made it for me, but I just didn't know what to do.

Speaker 1 They didn't have internet back then, so they had to physically make it.

Speaker 1 They physically make a space for her.

Speaker 1 This is my on it. He's MySpace.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. And she sits in a little fucking hole.
They just go around all day around Subu going, that's MySpace. That's MySpace.
That's my space. Yeah, yeah.
And then do you draw your friends, right?

Speaker 1 Your top 10. You draw the face.
On the walls? On the wall, yeah. Walls with fire.
It's really good. Yeah, with fire.
Yeah, so it's cool. Tell me what's been going on in your life, Jules.

Speaker 1 I am interested to know.

Speaker 1 By the way, look at this. Look at this.
Look. Hold on.
Look at my finger. What's going on with you? It's been doing this.
Look at him. Oh, my God.
He has that disease. Parkinson?

Speaker 1 Give me back that polar plunge, money.

Speaker 1 What's been going on?

Speaker 2 I'm graduating this May, so if you guys want to come.

Speaker 1 No, we don't want to come. To your graduation? I'm going.
Of course we want to go. What did we talk about? Of course we want to.
We'll do it. Do we wear a suit? What did we happen? You know what?

Speaker 1 You know what? We'll dress like men in black. No, just

Speaker 1 casual.

Speaker 1 No, you know what? We'll do we'll get the suits from Dumb and Dumber. Oh, yeah.
Can we wear those? Let's pull them. We're going to be bright.
I want to wear those. I'm going to bleach my hair.

Speaker 1 I'm going to wear funny goggles. Dude, dumb and dumber suits.
Can we just look at that? You and me? That's 100%. We have to wear that.
We're going to dress up. That's you and me.

Speaker 1 Are you going to really do that, though? I'll do it with you. Yeah, let's do it.

Speaker 2 Okay, it's on May, so I'll get your ticket.

Speaker 1 On May. Well, so school worked well.
Can I tell you?

Speaker 1 In May.

Speaker 1 Yeah, May, okay. So it's in May.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then is there an after party? I mean, I'm not going unless there's an after party.

Speaker 2 There's not.

Speaker 1 You're going to throw in a graduate.

Speaker 1 No. You have to throw a party.
That's it. How about boba milk tea? You love that.
A little boba tea party.

Speaker 1 You know what? We'll set it up. We'll get a boba truck.
Boba truck, boba milk party. Let's do that.
Okay. Okay.
That sounds fun. Look at that.
That's what we want to do. We want a party.

Speaker 1 And you got to throw. And then three years from now, the form of soldos, they work at fucking Chipotle.

Speaker 1 That's mean. Underneath there, it should just say corn or flower right underneath.
I'm off today. I'm off today.
You're getting back. I'm getting back.
You're fine. We're going to hum right into it.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 what are you going to write on your cap? You have to write like an inspirational quote. You know that, right? I have to write.
I mean, people do that. That's like a thing, right?

Speaker 1 They write something inspirational on the top of their hat.

Speaker 1 We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one.
A Canadian. Canadian, yeah.
Black. Count all of your blessings.

Speaker 1 something your dreams. I can't say.
Remember your dreams. Jimmy Buffett said that.

Speaker 1 A man of many quotes. It is five o'clock somewhere.
I want negative ones, though. You know what I mean? Create chaos.
This is like a joker.

Speaker 1 What a joke. What would Joker say? It's in Sally.

Speaker 1 What? Like into the Joker. It is so in Sally.

Speaker 1 Eat the rich, no? Yeah, eat the rich. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's so funny to write that on your cap. They're going to frisk her.
Then they're going to think she's going to shoot up the graduation.

Speaker 1 I mean, you're already wearing a long gown.

Speaker 1 What would a

Speaker 1 Korean Joker feel like? Oh, Korean Joker.

Speaker 1 A Korean Joker.

Speaker 1 Where we were at? Enjoy the kimchi. Enjoy kimchi.

Speaker 1 Where we were at? He poisoned the kimchi at graduation. You know what I'm saying? When I say we were where?

Speaker 1 Yeah. What? Riddler.
Oh, where Riddler? Yeah, yeah. Where we were at.

Speaker 1 What happened? There was a Korean, there was actually a Korean joker. Yeah, he was targeting

Speaker 1 fentanyl. A feminist group.
A feminist group. So he was an anti-fentiness.
No, no, no. Activists, harassed, and targeted by anti-feminist groups.
He kept following us and shouting. We were terrified.

Speaker 1 We were in South Korea? Yeah. That's insane.
We support the women. We really do.
Crazy. Did you get pussy in San Francisco? No, what happened was this.

Speaker 1 And I did one of my old school high school tricks. Oh.
Oh, you want to guess what it is? I'll talk about it. Yeah.
You show up to the party. There's no party.
High on drugs. No.

Speaker 1 You go in the corner, you masturbate, you go home. No, you go cute.
You go cute. You go cute, see poo.
Wait, so what happened was she came to a show.

Speaker 1 So there's this girl I met years ago on Instagram, pretty, very pretty. And then she kind of like disappeared from the DMs.
But then she's like, can I get a ticket? Because they're sold out, right?

Speaker 1 So I get her in. I do come up.

Speaker 1 Some high school friends came up. Then she comes up.
And then I invite her to dinner with the gang. We go to the dinner.
And then I kissed that show for some reason 10 dudes

Speaker 1 from stage. She don't kiss 10 dudes with us.
I know, but I did. 10 guys? Yeah, I just everyone would do it.
Wow. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. And then she was like, how come you don't kiss me?

Speaker 1 So in the car ride, I made her drive by. I go, let's just do a kiss, right? I went like that.
We kissed like that. A peck.
Just a peck. And I go, let's do it again.

Speaker 1 Right? Oh, a little stronger peck. Yeah.
Let's do it again. A little Gregory peck.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Samuel French.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You Pearl Harbor it.
Right.

Speaker 1 Right. And then we just made out the whole time in the car.
Whoa. How long is a makeout now?

Speaker 1 In 2025? Well, here's the deal. I don't get that.
Well, here's why. I don't get the...

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Like, because if I'm making out with my wife, it's because we're hooking up.
You're making out as a setup. I'm saying how long.

Speaker 1 No, I'm making up because, remember, I haven't been jerking off. Right.
What do you now? You're loaded for a month. Like 12 days or whatever.
Pretty good. Right.
Not last night.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you had to. Right.
And then my penis went.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Old boy Dave woke up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh boy Dave.

Speaker 1 Oh, we did a fight.

Speaker 1 Let's go. Black guy.
Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then, um,

Speaker 1 and when you, you know, when you're, when you're making out with somebody, it, you know, your body, it's just biological, right? Yeah, right. You're just super horny.

Speaker 1 Well, that's the, that's the, that's the moment. And I just, you know, four pumps and a fucking marshmallow came out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was so thick, it hurt.

Speaker 1 It's like wood glue coming out of your piano.

Speaker 1 It hurt so bad. And it was just, it was like all the, it was like a pancake pattern.
Yeah, yeah. Like, am I, Aunt Jemima? What's going on around here, dude? It was like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It was like,

Speaker 1 you're right. I know you, I know you meant pancake, but you said cancake.

Speaker 1 And somehow, cancake is thicker than pancake. It's thicker.
It is way thicker. Yeah, yeah.
It's the thickest. I meant to say cancake.
Cancake pattern is thick thicker. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Cancake pattern is the best. What is cancake? So wait a minute.
A little kissy session, and then never talk to her again. That's it.
I don't know. Maybe more.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, and this is a message to everybody.

Speaker 1 Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. You're high, huh? Me? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why are you giggling at that then? Because Andreas made me laugh. Okay, so may I make a message to the women? You may.
Ladies and gentlemen, a message for the women.

Speaker 1 I'm ready for a relationship.

Speaker 1 He wants to settle down.

Speaker 1 But the dam has to break. I don't know what that means.

Speaker 1 What? I don't know what that means. Well, I'm a poet.
I know. And so just figure out what that means.
All right, Hemingway. Let me think.
Yeah. The dam has to break means.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh. That's right.
I get it. What is it? You want a squirter?

Speaker 1 Is that... No? This is a part of it.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, what I'm saying is that I think I use the wrong terminology. I think so.
I think so, yeah.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 2 Your penis has to break.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, you do have to break them in like like a new pair of shoes.
Yeah, yeah. You got to break in that wiener.
No, I mean, just the

Speaker 1 next person I like and that, you know, I mean, there's intimacy and stuff, I think I might go for it for long-termy. Really? Yeah, yeah.
But it's got to be the one. It's got to be the one, yeah.

Speaker 1 You're ready, ready. Yeah, because you know,

Speaker 1 some people treat me like I'm still open microbob. Who's that? Open microbob.
Who treats you that way? That was a good idea. You mean women?

Speaker 1 What? You mean women? Yeah. I don't treat no one.
They're just always like, Yeah, like, you know, I can do better. Oh, that kind of mentality.
And I'm like, I don't think so. I don't think so.

Speaker 1 No, LA, you can. What? You can do better than the comedian in LA.
It's like the city where Leonardo DiCaprio lives. You can do better? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, if you're dating celebrities, like, you can go way higher. He's shooting today.
I could tell. He came with a couple loaded.
He's ready. Okay.
Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Comedy Chamolay is like such a handsome guy.

Speaker 1 I understand what you're saying. Have you ever had Chamolet's

Speaker 1 cancake batter? No, I would, though. Exactly.
I would. Yeah, I know you.
I would too.

Speaker 1 I would have it. But I want to say, let me direct you, okay?

Speaker 1 That's rude. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And what I'm saying is that

Speaker 1 Leo's one guy,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 And he wants...

Speaker 1 I know, but he wants 25 or younger and supermodel. Like you.
That's not my demographic. No,

Speaker 1 the girl that I made out with last night was 33. That's good.

Speaker 1 Do you understand what I'm saying? Mature. I understand.
Yeah, you understand what I'm saying? So it's like, you know, I'm not, this is not the same pool that we're fishing from.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What I'm saying to you is that I've seen your pool as well.

Speaker 1 Okay. And

Speaker 1 I can expose stuff about you as well, right? I went out with a new company. This guy flew out all the way to New York.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Also, first of all, you're in a pool. You're in a pond.
Let's be fair. Yeah, exactly.
Thank you so much. Also, but also you flew to New York to go see somebody.
That's why you went to New York.

Speaker 1 I wonder why you left. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Well, actually, I told you before. Wait, no, you told me you were going out there, but not to see somebody.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 And I want to say, like, Allie Wong in her book.

Speaker 1 Allie Wong in her book, right? She says. She has a book? Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that. There's a little paragraph about me.
Oh, that's so nice. And then when she came to LA, I didn't hit on her.

Speaker 1 I showed her around, right? I met her places, and I go, this is where you eat. This is where the good clubs, this and that, right? Yeah.
I showed them the ropes. There's no sexual intention there.

Speaker 1 And you know that that's what I'm like. All my openers are women and they're all just friends.
So you so what you're doing right now. What you're doing is hiding in plain sight.

Speaker 1 Like Predator.

Speaker 1 Just like Predator the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Just like Predator the movie.

Speaker 1 Ship Station.

Speaker 1 Live.

Speaker 1 Live. Life in general can be chaotic.
It can. But if you're in charge of order fulfillment for an e-commerce business, you know that it's own special kind of chaos.

Speaker 1 But with ShipStation, you can count on the day-to-day remaining calm. That's right.

Speaker 1 You can can save hours of money every month by shipping from all your stores with one login, automating repetitive tasks and finding the best rates among all global carriers. We

Speaker 1 have merch on the ship. We have merch.
And we get it to you thanks to ShipStation. If it weren't for ShipStation, you wouldn't be able to get it so quickly and conveniently.

Speaker 1 Over 130,000 companies have grown their e-commerce business with ShipStation. And 98% of companies that stick with ShipStation for a year become customers for life.
Check it out.

Speaker 1 It's the fastest, most affordable way to ship products to your customers. Discounts up to 88% off UPS, DHL, Express, and USPS rates, and up to 90% off FedEx rates.
That is incredible.

Speaker 1 If you own a business of any kind, no matter what the scaling is, tiny, tiny, tiny, tem, or big, biggie, biggie, biggie, you got to be able to use them because they are going to help you.

Speaker 1 And you never need to upgrade. ShipStation grows with your business, no matter how big it gets.
Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the ShipStation software that delivers.

Speaker 1 Switch to ShipStation today. Go to shipstation.com and use the code BAD Friends to sign up for your free trial.
That's ShipStation.com code. Bad Friends.
Talkspace. Therapy can be costly, okay?

Speaker 1 But talkspace is affordable and in-network with most insurance providers, and most insured members have a $0 copay. Bobby and I both like to talk to somebody.
We do. And I want to say

Speaker 1 I honestly believe that Talkspace is the best in the business when it comes to this kind of form of therapy. Talkspace therapy and psychiatry are covered by many insurance plans and employers.

Speaker 1 Most insured members have a $0 copay.

Speaker 1 You want to talk to a therapist from the comfort of your own home, your own couch, your own bathtub, your own patio, patio, your balcony, your rooftop, your front lawn, your car, your truck, your van, or your favorite little coffee shop?

Speaker 1 You can do it from all those. Hovercraft.
And your Hovercraft, by the way, they're Hovercraft friendly. Talkspace is the leading virtual therapy provider.

Speaker 1 They make getting the help that you need easy, accessible, and affordable. You got to try it, okay?

Speaker 1 As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.com slash bad friends and enter promo code space80.

Speaker 1 To match with the licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com slash bad friends and enter promo code space80 to get $80 off your first month and show your support for the show.

Speaker 1 That's talkspace.com slash bad friends, promo code SPACE80.

Speaker 1 True Classic.

Speaker 1 Look, I'm not somebody who likes to go shopping a lot. I don't like to pick all these new styles and all this stuff.

Speaker 1 Sometimes I'd like to get back to the basics, the good old basics, the tried and true, and True Classic has that in spades.

Speaker 1 If James Dean and Steve McQueen were still alive, that's all they'd been wearing is true classics. It's a factor because they're classic men.
Classic men who love basic stuff.

Speaker 1 Simple, clean, spring essentials. You know, the Pima Crew, the short sleeve comfort knit button up.
The Chino shorts are great too. And the six-inch swim trunks.
Look, I have so much of this stuff.

Speaker 1 I wear it to the gym. I wear it during the day.
I wear it to a meeting. I wear it to a dinner.
You can dress them up, dress them down, premium clothes at an affordable price.

Speaker 1 You can build the perfect outfit in five minutes or less, and everything goes great together. That's the best part about simple, clean, classics.

Speaker 1 Free shipping on all orders, 100% perfect fit guarantee with easy returns, trusted by over 4 million customers and 200,000 five-star reviews. The more you bundle, the more you save.

Speaker 1 The best-selling t-shirts, hoodies, jeans, and more come in three, six, and nine packs. Get it as a group.
Why do you need to keep going back to find new stuff? Cut it out.

Speaker 1 Get something trusted, simple, clean, and wonderful.

Speaker 1 Whether you're building up for the cold or getting ready for the spring, level up your style with clothes that actually fit right, just go to my exclusive link here at trueclassic.com slash bad friends to save that's trueclassic.com slash bad friends shop now and elevate your wardrobe today you're jet setting now because of the show of course yeah and it's great and i'm proud of you thank you i do want it can end it oh

Speaker 1 bob what i well let the emperor speak

Speaker 1 you know i treat you like a peer

Speaker 1 All of you guys. So great.
Maybe better than a peer. Yeah.
Like Alex Costa. You know him? No clue.
Oh, he works for me. What?

Speaker 1 On Tiger Belly. Alex? Why?

Speaker 1 We go into Patagonia yesterday, and I'm going to buy something. He goes, Bob, can I buy me something? I go, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I go to the register, and I'm bringing things in, and it's $600.

Speaker 1 And the thing I bought was $80. What did he buy? This fucking complex winter jacket.
Yeah. Right? You bought it, though.
Yeah. You did.
Yeah, yeah. I was so livid.
Right?

Speaker 1 And what I'm saying is, you guys treat me like that, too. Like, we're peers.
I want to say this to you, right? And it's not a threat, it's an order,

Speaker 1 right? Yeah. This is Trump and Zelensky.
It's

Speaker 1 I'm Zelensky. I'm Zelensky for sure.
Oh, yeah. You attack me first.
No, this is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're Putin. I like that.
Yeah. Yeah, you do.
Yeah, you're closer to Putin.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're closer to Putin. So, what I'm saying to you is that I love you, right? I love you, too.
But it could end. Oh, wow.
The dream could end. I'm aware.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You too, McCone, and you too. Me?

Speaker 1 Me?

Speaker 1 He's actually been good. He's great.
And also,

Speaker 1 let's be real about the Patagonia jacket.

Speaker 1 You fucking loved buying that.

Speaker 1 You love that. You know you did.
Because it's a power move now. Now you have that over that kid.
Remember when I bought you that fucking jacket? And shoes? That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 You're going to use that. That's chess.
You play chess. A lot of people look at you and think checkers.
Chinese. No, no.
No one thinks checkers.

Speaker 1 Everyone thinks chess. Guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Or my gal or whatever. Pai gal.

Speaker 1 A lot of people look at you and they think pie gal. Pai Gal, yeah, yeah.
But you're actually playing savant-level street

Speaker 1 chess. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, seriously, you are. Because he's done this since I've known him.
A castle.

Speaker 1 Ampassant. You know what Ampassant is? Yeah.
Ampassant. And you have little pawns all over the place.
Yeah. Right.
And you're the queen. Yeah.
You are the queen. And you've always been the queen.

Speaker 1 I'm the king. No, buddy, you're the queen.
I'm the queen. The queen is by far the most powerful piece in chess.
All right. You should know that.
You play chess. I'm the king.
You're the king.

Speaker 1 Okay, you're the king. Because we're partners.
Bishop. Andreas.
Rook rook, rook, rook, rook, rook. He's a rook.
Yeah, he's a rook. That's a rook.
All Ricks.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Yeah, yeah.
Macon is a pawn. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Pawn, pawn, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 What is Carlos, you know, honestly? Yeah. Knight.
He might be a knight. Yeah.
Because he goes, he lies. Oh, he deceives.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. L.
L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L, L.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah. What is she? She's the bishop.

Speaker 1 She is a bishop. Angles.
Angles. Angles.
Angles, angles. Precise detact.

Speaker 1 Watch this. Watch this.
Watch this. That's how good she is at attacks and angles.
Ready? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You have the floor.

Speaker 2 Your mom's a hoe.

Speaker 1 Okay, see?

Speaker 1 It's an attacked angle.

Speaker 1 You little fucker.

Speaker 1 So good. You little fucker.
You are a good fucker, though. Well, so she is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was bishop moves there.

Speaker 1 So we have it all figured out in this video. He's so mad at you.
You don't know about this guy? Those little things, they seep into his face. You know what's really funny?

Speaker 1 Look at how reddest face is. You know know what's funny? You said Ta Tan.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 I could never be mad at you. Yeah.
It really, it kind of sucks. Yeah, it sucks.
Like if one of the clowns did it,

Speaker 1 it would be a fight. Do you remember when she was mad at us?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 The most heartbreaking two weeks. I broke my heart.
It really did hurt my feelings.

Speaker 1 What? It hurt my feelings. What? Your mom's a hoe?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It just settled.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it just settled. It just settled.
It settled right. Now I I see the river is.
Yeah, yeah. I'm mad.
It was.

Speaker 1 I knew. No.
That was good. No, never in a million years.
Wow. But you plan to see.
Congratulations. Very good.
It was very good. Yeah, yeah, very good.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 Another thing you do that drives me crazy, my friend?

Speaker 1 Since we're doing this. Yeah, get it out.

Speaker 1 Why is it when I recommend you something, you never watch it.

Speaker 1 But when anyone else recommends it, you watch it. Like what? Like, I've been asking you to watch different things and you don't watch it.

Speaker 2 And I've been telling you.

Speaker 1 See what right now? Notice.

Speaker 1 Did you notice? I saw. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I've been telling you that. Yeah.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 I've been telling you, I'm busy and I'm so tired that I can't watch any show.

Speaker 1 It's so funny. Can I kind of counteract that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You live with me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Do I have ears? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do I hear you playing shit down there?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, wow. You hear me?

Speaker 1 All kinds of fucking ages, yeah.

Speaker 1 24 hours a day. And she's giggling.

Speaker 1 Right, right? Right? And I recommend nothing. Nothing.
Yeah. It's TikTok.

Speaker 2 It's different.

Speaker 1 It is. That is true.
Don't ever raise your voice like that to me, okay? Why is it different?

Speaker 2 Because you can just scroll. You don't have to think about it.
You don't have to actually watch it. It's just scrolling.

Speaker 1 I got to stop.

Speaker 1 My TikTok time is bad.

Speaker 1 It consumes my life. One day, I'm not gonna lie, I did six hours.
I do too. That's a lot.
It's a lot.

Speaker 1 Anytime I'm on a flight and it has Wi-Fi, I'm TikToking. And the government has us.

Speaker 1 They want to enslave us? Well, the good government, the Chinese government, the good one we love. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The one we love, yeah. Back then they did it with religion, right?

Speaker 1 Now they're doing with TikTok. Now they're doing it with TikTok and capitalism.
Get ready with me. And we're all slaves, right? And I love it.
Get ready with me to become a Chinese slave.

Speaker 1 I love being a Chinese slave. Me too.
We're there. Neza.

Speaker 1 Neza. Did you see it? The what? Neza.
He recommended Neza. You didn't watch that, did you? No.
Neza 2 is out. Okay.
It made $2 billion in China. It's the greatest animation movie I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 You better watch it before they make a third one. Yeah, yeah.
What did you say? Did we ever what?

Speaker 2 Did you guys ever download the other TikTok app?

Speaker 1 What? Red Zone or whatever it was?

Speaker 1 Red Line? No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Red Pipes. What is it? The.
What is it?

Speaker 2 It's the Red Note.

Speaker 1 Red Note. So was that close?

Speaker 1 When I said red line, was that close? Did you hear that? It's already in Chinese. It's all in Chinese.
Was that close? Yeah. Thank you.

Speaker 1 It's named as Cao Kung Chu, a Chinese social media app that allows users to share and discover different content about fashion travel and more similar to Instagram with a layout similar to Pinterest.

Speaker 1 There was a Mongolian guy on my show, and I kissed him in the lips. And he just came here from Mongolia, and he stood up.
and petrified and he goes, I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 1 Like Like, he was like, I don't know what's going on. Imagine a Mongolian guy who's like literally never been to the United States.
That's his first trip. Look at that.
Look at them.

Speaker 1 They're all data from fucking Goonies.

Speaker 1 They're still dressed like that.

Speaker 1 What a peaceful life. Don't you want to do this with me? Dude, zoom in.
That's so funny.

Speaker 1 I just realized, look at his hat. I realized why they like Spider-Man.
Why? Look at those eyes.

Speaker 1 That's the closest superhero they have. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Might as well do it, Mongolian Spider-Man.

Speaker 1 Might as well do it. There's a window open.

Speaker 1 Let's go.

Speaker 1 Spa daman. Come on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, and there's no fucking buildings or trees.

Speaker 1 So they're doing trees, maybe. There may be trees.
Trees. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Trees. Spadaman.
Spa damn.

Speaker 1 From tree to tree.

Speaker 1 You will see. Anyway, this is Mongolian Spider-Man.
That is kind of, it does make sense when you see the mask now. I've never even thought about that.
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, what a cute guy. And it was Chinese Spider-Man.
Yeah, Asian Spider-Man is out there. That's so cute.
All right. So what else in your life, Jules?

Speaker 1 I want to hear what's going on besides you being tired, which is the narrative that's been happening for the five years I've known you.

Speaker 2 I'm just living with Tito Bobby because of the fires. Yeah.
I have all the dogs.

Speaker 1 School, work.

Speaker 1 Well, I could see you working at like Chick-fil-A. And that would help us because I'd like to eat it more often for free.

Speaker 2 I also want to do that for free food.

Speaker 1 Well, then go get a job at Chick-fil-A. There's one near here.

Speaker 2 Well, I need a visa. Oh, yeah.
Can you buy the 5 million gold visa for me?

Speaker 1 What does that mean? Trump says

Speaker 1 U.S. will sell $5 million.

Speaker 1 Wait, sell $5 million gold card to wealthy foreigners. So you have to pay $5 million.
Yeah, and then you get a really easy path to citizenship.

Speaker 1 But apparently it's not even that much money for a lot of people. So it's going to attract like grifters.
$5 million is not much money.

Speaker 1 Every of the richest people has a gold visa, which is like if if you invest enough money in the country, you're going to. Well, I understand that, but this is just your

Speaker 1 outright buying a visa for $5 million. If you're an entrepreneur who's invested and has work here, then it's different.
But this is, you just pay $5 million. Buy a house or whatever it is.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but the guy that's doing the rice on his head, you know what I mean? He can't go. If he had a dollar for every grain.
That's true. That is true.
That's true.

Speaker 1 We're going to be selling a gold card. I love that it's a gold card.
Yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 1 If you have a green card, this is a gold card. I love, dude he puts everything in toddler perspective

Speaker 1 you have a green card this is a gold card but do you know why he's doing this because elon musk and the tech stuff remember yeah and so you mean all the doge

Speaker 1 what all the doge stuff his the like the doge employees that are clearing out the government yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but there's a lot of tech people from other lands and then trump goes i don't know if he you know i mean and he got he got there was a controversy so now i think this is a way for them to get in five million dollars is insane so So you're telling me enough people,

Speaker 1 that's a very limited amount of people that have $5 million laying around. That's why they do it, yeah.
But I mean, but then it's like a tease.

Speaker 1 No one's ever going to, how many people can really do it? I mean, I guess Chinese money, maybe a lot. There's a lot of billionaires in China.

Speaker 1 Doesn't China have the most billionaires in the world? Of course. Yeah.
Yeah, but they're the most people. I know, no, but even still per capita, they have the most billionaires.
Really? By far.

Speaker 1 We don't even have that many.

Speaker 1 We have the most billionaires. We do.
Yeah. Oh, wow.
We're the best. Holy shit.
There's Indian billionaires.

Speaker 1 Do it.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 I am the cootie king. Yeah, that's it.
I will be a billionaire. Wealth and technology, pharmaceuticals, and energy.
Wow. Wow.
Germany.

Speaker 1 We made a lot of mistakes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. But we back.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Russia. Of course.
We stole this money and killed.

Speaker 1 They killed for all that money. Yeah, wow.
Russia will kill you. Yeah, well,

Speaker 1 813 billionaires. Do you want that card, really? I was wrong.
I thought...

Speaker 1 What would you do for us if we got you a $5 million gold card? And let me preface this by saying we're not doing it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. But what? Well, if you were going to do it.
What would happen?

Speaker 1 You would do this podcast. You're basically

Speaker 1 buying her. It's like a buy.
You bought a human. Yeah.
That's like you would buy a human, which, by the way, you know this is going to enact human trafficking for sure.

Speaker 1 That's inevitable of what this is going to do. There's no way this is a positive program.

Speaker 1 So what, yeah, what could you even offer us? If Bobby and I got a bunch of investors to give us enough money to pay for you to become a $5 million gold card citizen, what do we get in return?

Speaker 2 I can clean. I can cook.
I can wash the dishes.

Speaker 1 You've never cooked me anything, bitch.

Speaker 1 Because you never asked. You know, kick me one thing.
Today I woke up from my nap, bacon.

Speaker 1 Are you cooking bacon? Love bacon. Yeah, yeah.
Bacon throughout my house. Yeah.
None for me. You cook bacon and don't leave extra? No.
That's insane. Yeah, it's insane.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Another thing she does is: do you not like me? Because

Speaker 1 even when we live together, we never see each other.

Speaker 2 That's because I wake up in the morning, you wake up at night. We do not see each other.

Speaker 1 There is a fact that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But even when you're there, trust me, you don't leave. And what do I give you? Donuts.

Speaker 1 Old fairy donuts. Right? I like the pistachio.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Guess what? You've gotten me as a gift.

Speaker 1 Zero. A burden.
A burden. You're a burden.
Trust me, light.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something. What? Everyone in the room, when you cook bacon at home, you cook the whole package.
No. No.
What?

Speaker 1 What the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? You don't cook the whole thing? I'm going to eat 15 strips?

Speaker 1 I know. No, but I mean, what do you...
Three.

Speaker 1 No, what you do is you cook the whole thing, and then you have some for the dogs, and then you have some in the fridge that you make later with a sandwich. So it's cooked already.
No. Oh, that's...

Speaker 1 I never thought of that. It's the best.

Speaker 1 Okay. Every time I do it, you cook the whole fucking.
You don't do this?

Speaker 1 I do it. I microwave my bacon.
Maybe this is some Midwest shit. I've never been into a house back in the day when we were growing up.

Speaker 1 You always had to have extra bacon because what she's doing is violating you. She's cooking in your home, not leaving leftovers for you.
It's a complete violation. It's a complete violation.

Speaker 1 I agree. It's a complete violation.
You cook the whole fucking sleeve. You leave some for Tito.
You give some for the dog.

Speaker 1 No, but. Rappa, rapper, rapper.
Rappa, rapper.

Speaker 2 Tito Babby doesn't even eat like cold stuff already.

Speaker 1 You heat it up.

Speaker 2 No, even then, he doesn't eat leftovers. Once it's like...

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 There it is.

Speaker 1 I don't.

Speaker 1 I don't. I don't.
I don't. I don't.
I don't. Faceline facts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't.
But don't say it out loud. Yeah, don't tell anybody that.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, but honestly, you cooked the whole sleeve. Maybe that's in the Midwest because every house you go to, they would cook the whole sleeve.
You absolutely wouldn't save it. It doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 Also, once you've opened the package of bacon, slimy, sloppy, greasy bacon, you put it in the thing, it's a thing, it's a spill, it's a thing, it's a fridge, it's a nightmare. Don't do it.

Speaker 1 Cook the whole sleeve. From now on, you hook the whole packet and you go, tita baby, I cook your bacon.
And you give some to the dogs, or do you not feed the dogs bacon?

Speaker 1 Let me ask you another question. Who gives the dogs treats? You.
Exactly. Do you buy any treats?

Speaker 2 They already have their food.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Yeah, she's doing Filipino rules.
That's insane. Yeah, yeah.
And we're in America. Get one meal a day.
Yeah, I know. That's what it is.
You have to understand,

Speaker 1 the dog's food is to keep it alive. Treats are to keep it happy and engaged.
Exactly.

Speaker 2 I just give it like once a week.

Speaker 1 What a food.

Speaker 1 It's insane. And also, she measures the food.
You only get this two pounds. Whatever.

Speaker 1 You weigh it.

Speaker 1 You weigh it.

Speaker 2 I don't want them to be fat.

Speaker 1 I don't want them to be fat. We have dog Ozimpic now.
Yeah, they do. They make it,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 What's up?

Speaker 1 Wag govie. They have wag govi.
Yeah, wag govi.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you something. Yeah.
That's fucked up. You've got to feed dogs treats.
That keeps them happy and engaged.

Speaker 1 Trust me. And my fear is when she leaves one day with the dogs,

Speaker 1 they look at me with sad eyes. Yeah.
They go, daddy.

Speaker 1 They do.

Speaker 1 Bye-bye. You know what I mean? Bye-bye.
Bye-bye. Yeah, yeah.
I feel so sad about it. You know what you're basically doing? It's like when a prisoner, they slide the meal through the door slot.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Giving them regimented door slot. They're not even satisfied by that.
That's so they can get through the day. You got to go get some more treats.
And I want to say another thing, okay?

Speaker 1 Let me just say another thing okay they move out of my house right i have a dog older dog named remy yeah i know right perfectly walking spine fine fine spine perfect eyesight the next time i see it right broken not just broken 50 pounds less twisted spine oh legs you know what i mean gray eyes he's black

Speaker 1 i go what are you doing you gave a dog spine a bifida and made it go blind yeah yeah yeah give it some freedom no treats dude that's why no because he's just getting old

Speaker 1 okay you're right Do you ever give

Speaker 1 you ever give the dog like peanut butter or anything like that?

Speaker 1 Sometimes. God, dude, what? The joy.
You're like ripping the joy of a dog.

Speaker 2 There's a pill, though, that have you seen that you can extend the dog's life already?

Speaker 1 I'm buying it already. Get on it.
Get the pill. Biohacking your dog's life.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. Second drug for canine healthy lifespan extension receives what? A grant? FDA support.

Speaker 1 You can do it already. Zoom in.
A developmental drug that aims to extend the healthy lifespan of senior dogs has received an acceptance by the FDA Center for Veterinary Medicine.

Speaker 1 for Remy. We got to get it now.
The drug is called L-O-Y-002. L-O-Y-O-O-2

Speaker 1 targets age-related metabolic dysfunction and is also designed to improve quality of life in canines aged 10 years and older, weighing at least 14 pounds. Remy's older than 10? One pound.
One pound.

Speaker 1 He's 10 pounds? Yeah. Well, then if you fed him some fucking treats, maybe we could get him the L-O-Y.
Well, he has to be 12? It says, what did it say? What did it say?

Speaker 1 It said 14.

Speaker 1 You got to fatten up Remy, dude. I'm going to get him this.
You got to get him that. You got to get him at him.
You want Remy to live? Yeah. We're going to fatten him up.
Okay.

Speaker 1 By the way, fat and happy is the way most people like to live. They like to live like that.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is great. I want to buy this immediately.
What a great thing. How do you inject it? You inject it or not? No, no, it seems like it's a pill, right? Or it's something they chew on.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, I don't know if you ever have to give your dog pills. We just had to give her pills when we were back home because she was sick.
Oh, no. But by the way, impossible.
She won't eat it.

Speaker 1 And we bury it in the treats and the food. Still knows it's in there.
We'll eat all the treat and then spit out the pill. Yeah.
You're a fucking genius. She's a genius.
It pissed me off.

Speaker 1 She did it every time. We buried it.
Then I put it. Then I put it in a,

Speaker 1 oh my God. You know, the Kong Choo toy, you know? Yeah.
And I put it in there with all sorts of fucking bullshit. Yeah.
She cleared it out around it. And left the pill.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Fucking little ass.

Speaker 1 Shopify. Oh, boy, buddy.
Guess what? What?

Speaker 1 We have an online business, and

Speaker 1 it's incredible because we do Shopify. That is why.

Speaker 1 By the way, nobody does selling better than Shopify. It's home of the number one checkout on the planet.

Speaker 1 A lot of people go, hey, man, I like aloe. I love aloe.
Skims all birds, you know? And you think, that's a good product, isn't it, Bob? High-grade product. But I'll tell you what.

Speaker 1 What's the business behind the business? And that business is Shopify. Nobody does selling better than Shopify.
Home of the number one checkout on the planet.

Speaker 1 And the not-so-secret secret with Shop Pay that boosts conversions up to 50%.

Speaker 1 That means way less carts are going to go abandoned and way more sales are going. Cha-ching, cha-ching.

Speaker 1 If you're into growing your business, your commerce platform, better be ready to sell whenever, wherever your customers are scrolling and strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between.

Speaker 1 Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify. That's right.
Upgrade your business and get the same checkout as Aloe and AllBirds. That's right.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com/slash bad friends, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash bad friends to upgrade your selling today.
shopify.com slash bad friends

Speaker 1 adam and eve i love adam and eve i'm telling you something i'm not embarrassed by it but um i use gadgets you love gadgets and toys and gizmos vibrations suctions and um i really enjoy my yeah sexually and i get it from adam and eve who wants better sex i do who wants to start having better sex immediately that's what i was going to say i want it right now the best way to get started is to go to adamandeve.com right now Okay, well, I can't go because we're on the show, but Adam and Eve, for those that are listening, is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping, which includes rush processing.

Speaker 1 Do you need those anal beads now? You got to get it on Adam and Eve right now. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy.

Speaker 1 All will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast so your neighbors don't know what you got unless you want to invite them over and show them.

Speaker 1 Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to adamandeve.com and select any one item.
It can be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire.

Speaker 1 50% off almost any item plus free shipping and plus rush processing. Wow.
This is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast.

Speaker 1 So be sure to to use our code BAD Friends to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with rush processing. The code is Bad Friends.

Speaker 1 Just enter code BAD Friends at checkout and get 50% off almost any item plus free shipping and rush processing. That's Bad Friends.
You know how to spell it, B-A-D-F-R-I-E-N-D-S at adamandeve.com.

Speaker 1 Dude, welcome. Welcome.

Speaker 1 My dog. Good to see you, bro.
See you, dude. How are you? Pete, good to meet you, by the way.

Speaker 1 Usually you say hi to people when you walk in and say, I'm not. Yeah, you don't walk in like you're like a deer in the headlines.

Speaker 1 Pete, your boy Pete just walked in and he starts like fucking snooping around.

Speaker 1 Is this your dog? Is this like one of your closest friends?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Do you have Chinese eyes?

Speaker 1 First of all, first of all, welcome Dave Blunts to the show. Thank you.
Dave Blunts, give him a round of applause. You're a rapper.
You

Speaker 1 make fantastic music. Am I the first rapper on you? Yeah.
We had MGK on the show. I don't know if you qualify him.
Yeah, yeah, I qualify him for show. Okay, very good.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He makes music in general, but you do just rap. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But you can see. A blending of genres.
Well, yeah. A blending of genres.

Speaker 1 And we'll say for the audience that didn't get to see before, he brought his friend Pete, who's who's who's his boy, who's snooping around. Yeah.
Hey, I told him to come in here first to check it out.

Speaker 1 I feel you.

Speaker 1 And you know, Pete did his job, but usually people say hello. Pete didn't do that.
Pete just aimlessly snuck around. And Pete's your second guy.
So you had another white guy before him?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's my manager. Yeah.
Where did you find this white?

Speaker 1 Man, he found me. He found you.
Yeah. That was pretty easy to do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah, hell yeah.

Speaker 1 Dave, so you found this, this guy found you, and this is your, this is your new, your new manager. Is he's with you every day? Pretty much, yeah, every day.
You trust this guy?

Speaker 1 I do with my entire life, yeah. I like to hear that.
Yeah. This is who, this is our manager.
This is Rudy. Say hello to Rudy.
Yeah, Rudy. That's our manager.

Speaker 1 She's a genius. She's a genius.
She was ahead of Sony at one point. Well, really? Yeah, yeah.
Head of

Speaker 1 Vince. This is like, this is like an emotion.
Yeah, yeah, it's way down. Yeah.
Thanks, Dave. How do you end up here?

Speaker 1 That was good. Okay.

Speaker 1 Tell them how you ended up here.

Speaker 2 Because I don't have a visa.

Speaker 1 She needs a visa. Yeah, she needs a visa.

Speaker 1 How does that, like, with Sony? That isn't. She doesn't work for Sony.
She doesn't work for Sony. Okay, okay.
So he's fucking around. Okay, my bad.
But we are

Speaker 1 trying to raise, it's his niece. We are trying to raise money to get her a visa, a $5 million gold visa from Trump.
We are interested to know if maybe you would want to donate some of the proceeds.

Speaker 1 Nah, man, I just got money, man. I got real shit, bro.
All right. I'm not in a donating.
What's your favorite drink?

Speaker 1 Water, man. You see, I'm glad you guys got this for me.
Water. No, this is my newfound favorite drink recently.
No, I've been on my health journey, you know, not on alcohol or lean anymore.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? It's just water for now. Are you smoking weed? No, I quit weed when I was like 20.
How old are you? I'm 24.

Speaker 1 I was smoking from the time I was like nine to 20. Nine? Nine years old.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Give us your story about how many calories is

Speaker 1 shit.

Speaker 1 How many when you're nine? Yeah. Yeah, you smoke weed at nine? Bruh, I used to hang around older kids.
So, like, they were like teenagers and shit. So,

Speaker 1 yeah, where'd you grow up? In Iowa, fucking Iowa, middle of nowhere. What, like, Des Moines? Nah, nah, it was a town called Davenport.
Davenport, Iowa. Iowa.
Oh, wow. And

Speaker 1 you're kicking it with a bunch of troublemaking nine-year-olds that, and, and somehow, someone is an older brother that wants to smoke weed, and you're nine. Yeah, a ragtag misfit group of kids.

Speaker 1 You talk to any of these guys anymore now that you've made it? Now that you're on? No, no, no, no. Not that I, you know, like, changed up on them we just grew apart over the years before

Speaker 1 now before now yeah so what is your circle very small now uh yeah it it was pretty big at one point but you know a bunch of shit happened people change up uh yeah now it's uh pretty small now yeah you want it you care to share what people what what happened in your what happened in your circle that did people uh steal from you uh nobody was stealing from me um just using me pretty much using me oh man i have a show that i do called bad friends where my partner uses me very much.

Speaker 1 You use him? Yeah, he does. I'm a user.
How? He's a user, baby. In what ways do you use him? Well, he does all the business.
That's right. And I just show up.
That's right. Okay.

Speaker 1 Would you fire me if that was the case?

Speaker 1 Well, that's your... Is he good at what he does? Very.
And you're good at what you do. Not really.
The best. Okay.
Well, then, shit, man, it's a give and take. It is 100%.
That's the give and take.

Speaker 1 I love you, dude. You're a positive guy, dude.

Speaker 1 Is there anything that I cannot say? You can say whatever you want. Okay, I just want to make sure.
Should I have a fucking gun load? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 He doesn't have a gun in the building. Yeah, I know.
I want to make sure there's no. All right, cool.
No, but it is funny. Because I've seen a clip with him with a gun before.
He doesn't say that.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I just want to make sure that there's no. You can say anything you want.
Now go. But he doesn't have a gun, though.
I don't have a gun.

Speaker 1 He does not have a gun. I have a little ton of yellow gun.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's okay. I can't.

Speaker 1 What do you want to say that you can't that you think? I just want to make sure. I just before I get to going crazy, you know what I'm saying? And go.

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't think I've seen some of your work. You don't say crazy things.
I say pretty crazy shit. Yeah, he does.
In my music, yeah. Yeah.
Like what? Ah, man. Thank you.
Thanks, Rudy. Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Hard R N-word.

Speaker 1 But that's you. What you.

Speaker 1 You're black. Yeah, yeah, but they still have a problem with it on Twitter.
Oh, they do. They have a problem on Twitter.
That's Elon, huh? Elon doesn't love the N-word. I don't like Twitter, man.

Speaker 1 Twitter is just like,

Speaker 1 fuck Twitter, man. Fuck Twitter.
I don't like Twitter. Well, you can say the N-word on here.
Go ahead and say it a bunch if you feel like it right now. Okay, thank you.

Speaker 1 I don't really want to say it now that I'm putting on the spot. That's okay.

Speaker 1 I appreciate that, though. Yeah, say whatever you want.
But I'll, you know, if I feel like saying it at one point, then I will. But put on the spot right now.

Speaker 1 Like three white guys looking at me. Yeah.
I'm cool right now. Also,

Speaker 1 it's definitely not three white guys. That's a Mexican guy on the left, a Spanish guy on the right, and a vagrant.
A vagrant. A homeless.
What is a vagrant? Okay.

Speaker 1 I don't offend you. May I say something? It's just the observation.

Speaker 1 Go ahead, say something, man. It reminds me of...
Remember in The Dark Knight? Dark Knight? Yeah, the movie, The Dark Knight.

Speaker 1 That guy that was in prison, right? And he exploded. Look at the cell phone right there.
Where? In his belly. Yeah, it was sticking out.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 That brought you back to The Dark Knight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That situation. Remember? Oh, he ate the cell phone.
Yeah, yeah. He had told his belly.
Yeah, yeah. That stupid.

Speaker 1 So dumb. Boy, I should have some

Speaker 1 observation. Yeah, you do.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you do.

Speaker 1 Sorry, it was not funny. No, no, no.
It It was funny. Every time he makes a shot at you, you have to take one back.
Yeah, take one back. Go ahead.
Hit him. And I got another one for you.

Speaker 1 I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 You're a good guy, man. You're my favorite movie ever.
What is it? It's Pineapple Express. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 I can't.

Speaker 1 You had the scene where you were in the van. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't.
Hold this shit. Is that fucking Bobby Lee right there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can't.

Speaker 1 I had to rewind it like three times. I can't.
Now you feel bad. Yeah.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, right there. Okay, so that's me and Ken Jung.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, in Pineapple Express.
Now, can I ask you in in that movie, would you like more The Express or the Pineapple?

Speaker 1 Probably the Pineapple. Pineapple for show.
For sure. Pineapple, for sure.
You haven't seen the movie, have you? I don't. I have no idea what it is.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's it's not.

Speaker 1 We had a whole storyline

Speaker 1 and they cut it the storyline out. We really did.
It's on the isn't in like the DVD. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Dave's even seen that.
That's how much he loves and respects you.

Speaker 1 And here you are shitting on him saying he eats cell phones. You know, I used to watch Mad TV as a kid.
Wow. You did? I remember, yes.

Speaker 1 I said, eat what? You said he was eating a cell phone. No, I just were.

Speaker 1 The visual reminded me of the movie. Cell phones.
I don't eat cell phones, man. Tell them what you eat.
Tell them that you don't eat cell phones. I don't eat either.
Can I guess? Go ahead and guess.

Speaker 1 Waffles. You like waffles? Blueberry waffles, yeah.
I'm a blue waffle fan of blue waffles. I love blue blurry waffles.
Fried chicken. All right.

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 Everybody eats.

Speaker 1 I love it, too. I had it last night.
What else?

Speaker 1 You do.

Speaker 1 I like this game.

Speaker 1 What do you think he eats?

Speaker 1 Probably Chipotle.

Speaker 1 No, I've never had Chipotle. You're not good at this game.
I've never had Chipotle? No. Yeah, yeah.
That is shocking to me.

Speaker 1 I've never met someone that hasn't had Chipotle in my life. Do you like tacos? Or brewers? No, not really.
Collard greens.

Speaker 1 Yeah. See, he's pretty good at this game.
Yeah. Or not.
Okay, what else? Go ahead, Bob. Take it away.

Speaker 1 Why are you covering this? Man Miss BBQ. Why is he covering his face?

Speaker 1 Because we'll put another image in his face. Yeah, I want to do a different image here because I feel like what I'm saying is bad.
Okay, okay. Yeah.
What would I eat? Go ahead. This is your shot.

Speaker 1 Rice.

Speaker 1 It hurts, but I love it. And now we're on the same playing field.
Okay, what else? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, come on, come on, get it, get it, get deep.
Um, shit. Uh, that's right, shit.

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah, shit, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What else, baby? Come on.

Speaker 1 Um, I don't want to say the obvious ones. Yeah, like

Speaker 1 cats and all types of shit. You know what I'm saying? You should commit to that, though.
Say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
David. All right, fuck it.

Speaker 1 Feline cats. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Hell yeah. At night, he turns into one at midnight.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I do. Yeah.
This is funny. If you say fucked up shit in your on your like in your raps and on YouTube,

Speaker 1 but you're a very reserved, calm, sweet guy in life. You don't have that.

Speaker 1 I only use it when I need to. And I don't really feel like I don't see Bobby Lee as a threat.
No, right. You know what I'm saying? I don't feel offended by anything he's saying.
You like me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm a fan. I love you.
I'm a big fan, dude. I love you right now, dude.
I'm a fan. I'm fanned out right now.
Oh, wow, wow. That's great.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, what kind of size mattress are you sleeping on?

Speaker 1 What type of size mattress are you sleeping on, buddy? I feel like you sleep on the twin crib for about. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, I'll see. That was rude.
Honestly, I want to be honest with you. Well, we're not going to cut it out.
Why?

Speaker 1 Because you asked a real question. Yeah.
And what I want to say to you is this. Do you sleep on a twin mattress?

Speaker 1 That's very good. See what I mean? He's opening up.
Well, it's actually like on a, like a, I feel like you have like a, like a car bed or some shit.

Speaker 1 He has like a very like kiddish type bed. Yeah, there we go.
You know, you come in here, and I'm being a child, and I'm like, I'm going to just state the obvious. You have childlike shit.

Speaker 1 Like, he is a talented young man. Yes, sir.
He's extremely likable. I could see you on a sitcom.
Me too. Yeah.
You want to act?

Speaker 1 Yeah, at some point. Let's do a scene.

Speaker 1 The title of the sitcom, Way Different Strokes.

Speaker 1 Way different strokes. Okay.
Or it might have a stroke. Yeah, it might have a stroke.

Speaker 1 Why does it have a stroke? Okay, go ahead. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But let's have your character name for the show. That's Sheila.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.
That's Marmaduke.

Speaker 1 Okay. I'm Marmaduke.
That's Marmaduke. Hello.
Hello. And what racist name are you guys going to give me? Jerome.
I'm Uncle Bub. Okay.
You can name yourself. And you name yourself.

Speaker 1 Jerome. Jerome.

Speaker 1 I'll take it, man. Fuck it.
All right, I'm Uncle Bub. That's Marmaduke, and that's Sheila.

Speaker 1 Hi, Jerome. Hey, you want to have breakfast? You want to sit down and have breakfast with us? Well, shit, I don't know if I really want to have breakfast today.
I've already.

Speaker 1 Let me stop you right there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I got a name like Jerome. I have to be.
I like it. That's a great choice.
It's a little too Steve Harvey for me. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Stop the process.

Speaker 1 Ha!

Speaker 1 Jerome, what you have for breakfast? Well, shit, I already had me some grits before I came downstairs. So I don't really know if I'm too hungry today.
I made you some breakfast.

Speaker 1 Wow. Thank you.
I appreciate that very much. But like I said before, I've already had me some.
It's grape-flavored Ozimpic.

Speaker 1 Oh my

Speaker 1 god.

Speaker 1 Hey, Uncle Bub here. Kids, get your stuff.
We can finally

Speaker 1 get out of these housing projects. We gotta go.
Hold on, this communist bastard just offered me some fucking Ozimps. Don't call me Papa Communist, Uncle Jerome.

Speaker 1 I'm from Cleveland.

Speaker 1 I think it's Sally.

Speaker 1 That's Sheila. Sheila! You don't see nothing?

Speaker 2 Jerome, do you want blueberry waffles?

Speaker 1 Very good. Very good.
Very good, Sheila. I can't finish mine.
How many did you make, Sheila?

Speaker 2 I made 10.

Speaker 1 You made 10 waffles. How many did you eat? One.

Speaker 1 All right. Nine for you.

Speaker 1 So you want to. I'm going to make 30 more.
All right.

Speaker 1 Marmaduke.

Speaker 1 I'm in a mood. All right.
You are. You're in a real mood.
I'm sorry,

Speaker 1 Jerome. Well, listen, I want you kids to work this out when I go to work.
Okay, bye.

Speaker 1 Dad, Dad.

Speaker 1 Say bye to dad. All right, pops.
I'll see you later. Bye bye, pops.
I love you the most, Jamal. You know that.
Thank you, but my name's Jerome.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 in this house, you're Jamal. You're at your own house.
You can call yourself whatever you want. Just leave, Dad.
Leave. I love you.
We're going to get ready for school. Bye, Dad.
I love you.

Speaker 1 You motherfucker. And then when he leaves, I change to my real voice.
There it is. I'm not going for none of that shit no more.
Yeah. Well, I'm tired of using your fat as a blanket.

Speaker 1 And I'm tired of you peeing in mason jars and hiding it in your bedroom and stinks up there. Yeah, you know what, drum?

Speaker 1 I love you.

Speaker 1 Fuck you.

Speaker 1 And then the credits go down. Credits go down.
Yeah, yeah. Wow.
TP continued. Call ABC.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a show somewhere. If we can get that.
But Sony, call your friends at Sony. There's a show somewhere there, guys.

Speaker 1 Dave, what's the deal? Are you on tour? I'm getting ready to go on tour. You are? Yes, and I'm going to, it's going to be the best tour ever.

Speaker 1 Who opens for you on tour? We're still setting all that shit up. But yeah, I'm going on tour April 12th.
It begins. April 12th.
Yeah. Englewood.
You start here in Englewood, California? No, no.

Speaker 1 I started in Phoenix, I believe. Phoenix, there we go.
Dallas. Wow.
So could we come to it? Did we get comped or backstage, all that stuff? Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 Shit, you want to come to the Santa Ana show? Yeah, Santa Ana. We should do that in May.
Let's go to the Santa Ana show, dude. Hell yeah.
That'd be fun. It's a constellation room.

Speaker 1 Are you selling good tickets right now? Huh? You're killing it. That shit's selling pretty good.
Yeah, they're coming because they want to see the crowd surf. Yeah,

Speaker 1 they want to see you crowdsurf. Yeah, I announced that I'm going to be crowdsurfing at one city on the tour.
I don't know what city it is. It's just going to speak to me in the moment.

Speaker 1 I got to be honest. I don't know.
Why is he laughing? I'm not too sure what I said that's funny. Well.

Speaker 1 What's funny? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Boy, I sure have some bad friends.
Yes, we do. Very good, very good.
That's the name of the show. I love you, dude.
Signs right there.

Speaker 1 I do think I am curious to how the mechanics are going to work of what?

Speaker 1 On you surfing in a crowd. Yeah, man.
I mean, shit. My fans are going to hold me up as I dive into the crowd.
And you're going to jump from the stage. So who are your fans? Triple H, The Rock.

Speaker 1 Bodybuilder.

Speaker 1 I mean, I mean,

Speaker 1 I hope that The Rock is the Vandem's there. I'm not.

Speaker 1 Arnold Schwarzenegger. I mean, who's there, dude? I mean, Dave, let me listen.
My fans. Imagine

Speaker 1 a 12-year-old skinny kid.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 Listen.

Speaker 1 It's kind of like when, you know, a mom can move a car. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 Listen, my fans, I don't have bitch-ass fans, bro.

Speaker 1 My fans are like really strong-minded, and so I feel like that'll just transfer over to

Speaker 1 physical strength. Tell me this.
Have you ever crowdsurfed before? No, no, hell no. Okay, but you are going to do it at one of these shows.
Andrew. Yeah.
Talk him out of it. What is he? Okay.

Speaker 1 What is he saying? He's asking me to talk you out of doing it. I didn't say that.
I didn't say that. What the fuck? That's crazy.
He said, talk him out of it.

Speaker 1 Nah, nah, there's no talking me out of it. He's saying, please, dead serious, please talk him out of it.

Speaker 1 Someone's going to die, is what he's saying. They can hear you in the mic now.

Speaker 1 Dave, you're going to pick a show to do this. You're going to crouch her.
You're going to jump from the stage. Yes, yes, sir.
Wow. A brave man.
I mean, I don't want to crowdsurf.

Speaker 1 I'm afraid I'd break a neck.

Speaker 1 You don't want him to do it. What is he? What is he like? Why is he talking to you and not?

Speaker 1 I'll tell you why. Okay.
Can I tell you why? Go ahead, go ahead. My bud.

Speaker 1 My bud.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm being the mean one. Yeah.
And he's playing the nice guy. It's good cop, bad cop.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like the things I'm saying, I'm going to get fucking lynched for.

Speaker 1 Not lynched. Lynched.
Wow. Okay.

Speaker 1 Crucified. Two days after Black History Month.
Crucified. Crucified for.
Honestly, I swear to God, that wasn't a thing. Interesting choice of words.
Yeah, yeah. I swear to God, that wasn't a thing.

Speaker 1 I swear to God. I swear to God, dude.
Oh, I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to be crucified for, and you're going to be the saint. Here's what it is.
Yeah. You feel like

Speaker 1 society is going to move you to the back of the bus.

Speaker 1 Better. Better than Lynch.
Yeah, is that what you're saying? That's better than Lynch. That's what I feel like.
Yeah, yeah. That was a good one.
But it was better like Lynch.

Speaker 1 You feel like the whole country is going to see this and they're going to sick dogs on you.

Speaker 1 Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying. You feel like people are going to watch this show and go, Andrew seems to be getting along with Dave.
Yeah. Bobby, we should hit with a fucking fire hose.
Yes.

Speaker 1 These are all things that have happened to black people. What?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's me. You know what? It's funny.
It's funny, bro. I'm not a soft-ass bitch.
I know you're not. And I'll tell you something, right? This is serious business.

Speaker 1 We're talking about serious business. Okay, let's get to the serious business.
And what I'm saying to you is that, you know, I mean, the civil rights movement.

Speaker 1 What about it? What do you just said in the civil rights? What about it? What I'm saying is that, you know, we fought hard

Speaker 1 and lost heart. Who is you?

Speaker 1 Who is we?

Speaker 1 What were you doing during this time?

Speaker 1 He was actually a Yellow Panther. He was around back then.
Yellow Panther. Okay, yeah.
Well, I did my own speech. Okay.
You want to hear it? Nate speech? No.

Speaker 1 You want to hear my speech? Yeah, go ahead. I had a dreaming

Speaker 1 that white people would do their own laundry.

Speaker 1 I had my own speech that night. Okay, that night.
What night?

Speaker 1 What specific night?

Speaker 1 The civil rights movement was not just one night. The dark night.

Speaker 1 I feel like he thinks it was just one singular night. Yeah.
This array. It was the dark night.
Okay, oh yeah. Yeah, so when Martin Luther had this great speech, I did my own speech.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Not at a Chinese restaurant. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
It was four people there.

Speaker 1 But, you know what I mean? It was, it moved those four. Yeah.
Yeah, it really did. Okay, hell yeah.
I'm telling you,

Speaker 1 but we're bonding worlds here. We're bonding worlds.

Speaker 1 Do you prefer, like, let's see you and I win a war.

Speaker 1 Okay, go ahead. Let's see you and I win a war.
Okay, we're in a war. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm fine. Wait, before I keep, can I just say something? Because you mentioned war.
Yeah. Did you know that now they're not going to allow transgender people in the military?

Speaker 1 That's pretty crazy. That's crazy.
How do you feel about it? How do you feel about that? Well, shit. I don't really.
Shit, I'll go to war with any of these bitches.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a pretty good. You guys like that one? Yeah, it's a really good one.
It's a really good use of the word. Yeah, yeah, that's a really good use.

Speaker 1 I've been, yeah,

Speaker 1 that lineup. I've been working on that, Joe.
Bitch ass and yeah. I've wanted to use use those three words so bad in conjunction.

Speaker 1 It's pretty good, man. I like saying those words, man.
Say it.

Speaker 1 I just got it, Andrew. Say it.
And I want you to say it. Right?

Speaker 1 A sequel to a movie. And tell me the movie.
That he needs to be in? Yeah.

Speaker 1 A sequel to a movie that he needs to be in.

Speaker 1 Fences.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Fences. Wow.
Fences.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You beat it with an Oscar. What? Did anyone win an Oscar for that movie? Yes.

Speaker 1 Driving me as Daisy?

Speaker 1 Oh, come on, man.

Speaker 1 Boy, I sure have some bad friends. Yeah, there we go.

Speaker 1 I have a little dick.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right.

Speaker 1 Look at me, little guy. Yeah.
I'm a big guy. Whatever.
You know what I mean? I have a little dick. I have malfunctions in my body, right? Malfunctions.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I've had people tease me my whole life. I've been bullied.
Why are you talking about your body like it's a machine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had

Speaker 1 bullied. Okay, right.
I've seen it. And we have the same cause.
Same cause. Yeah, yeah.
You mean same cause? We're in the same group.

Speaker 1 I don't think I want to be in that group.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you are. I don't think I'm in that group.
You remember? I'm in a group. You remember how that?

Speaker 1 And casting directors, you'd be like, we're looking for a white, Hispanic, and other. Right, you're other.
We're other.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 He's saying bonding you as minorities is. Yeah, we're other, dude.
I feel it, man. Minorities.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you're a success. And you're killing it.
Thank you. What a resilient young man.
Thank you. You know, of all

Speaker 1 against all odds, I'm doing it. Yeah, dude.
Yeah. Yeah.
Resilient. Oxygen tank on stage.
You, yeah. You don't have one.
You don't have one now. No, I'm doing pretty good right now.

Speaker 1 Man, I'm on my health journey. You know, I've put down the cup and I've picked up the water.
So

Speaker 1 no more permethasine.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say no more. Oh, there's a picture right now.
Wait, hold on. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You literally have an oxygen.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. That was front of 20,000 people.
My God. More than that, bro.
Amazing. But yeah, at the United Center.
No, let's be real for a second. It's my hometown.
Can Can I be in? Chicago? Yep.

Speaker 1 Chirac, okay. Can we help you?

Speaker 1 I don't think I need help with anything.

Speaker 1 I'm being real. Now, because

Speaker 1 I'll be real with you.

Speaker 1 This is going to say so bullshit. No, I'm not going to say any bullshit.
I'm not going to say any bullshit. I'm not going to say that.
Go ahead, go ahead.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, I was dear friends with Ralphie. Yes.

Speaker 1 And I never said anything. Rest in peace.
I never said anything. Right.
Yeah. And I've always regretted that I didn't.
It's like, you know, when people have a drug addiction at the store, right?

Speaker 1 I always go up to them. If you ever want to go to a meeting, I'll take you.
And I always do. Well, for your reference, I don't know if you know, Bobby is a recovering alcohol.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know that for sure. So what I'm saying is that I'm, jokes aside,

Speaker 1 is there anything we can do? Because it's like, at the end of the day, we want you to get healthy here.

Speaker 1 And I'm working on that, you know? But what are you doing? What am I doing? I'm exercising, eating correctly. Okay, good.
Drinking a lot of water. Good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good.

Speaker 1 You know, I recently got out of the hospital, and that was like a wake-up call for me of sorts. What happened? So what happened made you go to the hospital? A bunch of bullshit.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I'm doing good now. You're fine.
You're fine. Did you have a serious incident that made you go to the hospital?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
But I'm chilling now. You know what I'm saying? I'm making the changes.

Speaker 1 But what he's saying is we want Dave Blunts around. We have to be able to do that.

Speaker 1 I appreciate that. I think you're very talented and very cool.
I think what you can do for me is just emotional support. There you go.
You know what I'm saying? You know, a couple out of boys, claps.

Speaker 1 Add a boys. Add a boy.
And yeah. So are your parents still together? My mom.
Well, my dad passed away when I was young, but my mom, my mom, she's my everything. His dad died, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm so sorry, bro. Just in peace, man.
Another thing you have in common.

Speaker 1 We have so much in common.

Speaker 1 We might be like.

Speaker 1 Blother. Did we just become bad friends? Yeah, yeah, we did.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to do a movie called War Babies with you. War Babies, yeah.
I'll go to War Any of these now.

Speaker 1 No, our father was

Speaker 1 black. Yeah.
And he did a couple of wars in different places. He was a bad person.
And had two babies. And then we're offspring of that black man.
I'd watch that movie. I feel like we could sell that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you could.

Speaker 1 yeah yeah i don't think no not not like netflix we could we could probably do a 2b release i would love to see it i think we can do a 2b release you know flex free movies

Speaker 1 this could be youtube yeah war babies so you were you live in la where do you live i live in la now i recently moved here well back in june i moved here you like it yeah i i didn't like it at first then i went back home to visit i'm like i get the fuck out of here and get back to la yeah yeah so now i love it this is my new home now good dude you're gonna be touring from here it's hard to tour from lay because two guys that tour from LA, it's tough, I will say.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? It's hard. Well, I mean, you're flying across the country and you're.
Oh, no, I don't fly. Fuck all that.
I'm going on a tour bus. Oh, right.
Okay. So you.

Speaker 1 When's the last time you flown?

Speaker 1 When I came here. When I came here.

Speaker 1 When I did to Chicago, like the fucking United Center, we drove there, bro. That was 30 hours.
That was the worst mistake of my fucking life. That's a far drive.
Yeah, bro. I was on a fucking.

Speaker 1 I'm not trying to be funny. Hold on.
Just can I finish before you? Go ahead. Go anyway.
So, yeah, man, we drove there, and it was in a sprinter van. Why does he look like he can't, like, are you good?

Speaker 1 Why did you, like, get away from the mic and like turn? I'm really listening. Okay, but no, you're not.
Like, you was, you was turned away. I have slanty ears, too.
Okay, all right. All right.

Speaker 1 I have to lead it this way. God, you're being racist.

Speaker 1 All right, man. All right.
All right. I like that jacket, by the way.
But no, man, yeah. It was in a fucking Sprinter van and that shit sucked.
It was 30 hours non-stop driving. We didn't stop at all.

Speaker 1 And the fucking seatbelt buckle was poking me in my ass. At least I hope it was a seatbelt buckle.
Right.

Speaker 1 Never know what spinner vents. But now you're going to be on a tour bus.
Yeah. We did the tour bus.
Him and I. Yeah, we did.

Speaker 1 And don't, don't, you can't poo.

Speaker 1 That's what I've heard. You can't shit on the bus.

Speaker 1 I've seen that in the show. Well, you physically can't.
It's also an uncomfortable. It's the bathroom is small.
The toilet's against the door. You can't do it.
Yeah. You cannot do it.

Speaker 1 Mine's got a pretty big bathroom in it, though.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Because ours didn't definitely not have a big bathroom.
We had to put shit in the shower because we ran out of storage space. But go ahead and ask the question.
I don't want to. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 I can't. I can't.
Why? The time passed and it's like, it's rude and I don't like it. What was it? You gotta like it.
Yeah. No, I can't.
It's gonna, it's gonna. The timing.

Speaker 1 You know, in comedy, there's timing. Yeah, comedic time.
Yeah, yeah. It had to be there.
I don't have the confidence to say it. I'm gonna guess.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 As a comedian. Okay, good.
I'm gonna guess that it's something to do with the flight.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, we can talk about that. Yeah, let's talk about it.

Speaker 1 It wasn't gonna be funny, but I was just curious about

Speaker 1 when people see you get on the book, they get scared.

Speaker 1 I mean, imagine

Speaker 2 my uncle in Germany, who's bigger than you, have to buy the whole aisle.

Speaker 1 The whole aisle? Like the aisle that people walk down.

Speaker 1 No, the aisle.

Speaker 1 The row, the row.

Speaker 1 The whole row. No, not the row, right? No, two seats, though.
Two seats. Not the row.
Okay. Not the row.

Speaker 1 Good. Not the row.
Yeah, yeah. And they don't get scared, so that's good.
I've answered my own question. No.

Speaker 1 You have a girlfriend?

Speaker 1 We recently just broke up. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 You're free. Yeah.
You're free. You broke up with her, right?

Speaker 1 How did that happen? Uh, yes. You like the white stuff? Kind of.
It was like a mutual thing. You like the white stuff.
What flavor? Yeah, what flavor do you like?

Speaker 1 Man, come on, bro. What flavor? You like vanilla? I give it, man.
You got it right now. French vanilla, I bet.
Okay, it's not even necessarily white. That's just my track record.
Ah. It's white.

Speaker 1 I'm attracted to all of them, you know, but not

Speaker 1 I shoot for black, but I land at white. Yeah.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're in LA now, guy? I don't really like LA women, man. I usually

Speaker 1 go outside of L.A. for the women.
You like Chatsworth? Chatsworth? What's that? What do we, you mean surrounding Los Angeles? You mean out of California as a whole?

Speaker 1 No, I usually be like flying bitches out type shit. You be flying out.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. That's the best way, dog.
Yes, sir. Congratulations, player.
We got to fly these bitches out. Yeah, you got to fly fly them out.
Are you putting them up first class? Nah. No.
Coach, right?

Speaker 1 Coach, baby. It'll see spirit flight.

Speaker 1 It'll see a spirit middle. And then what if, and what if they, because he likes to, he, he often, not, sorry.
Sometimes Bobby has friends that fly out. Okay.

Speaker 1 But I'm curious to know: do they stay in a hotel or they stay at your house? They stay with me, man. What if they say, I want a hotel? Would you get them a hotel?

Speaker 1 Those ones I usually just be like, I don't think it's going to work out. It's not going to work out.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what? You know the signs. He knows the signs.
Yeah. You know when they're using you.

Speaker 1 No, no, I don't. Now I know I don't.
What do you mean? I don't know when they're using me. Oh, you don't? It's hard for me to tell somebody.
Sometimes they do. Do you? Sometimes they do.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you've flown personally. Most of the time they do.
You've flown somebody out. Yeah.
You realize they were using you. Yes.
And that hurts. That hurts.
It hurts because she was living with me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I know. I know.
Oh, man. But that's happened.
Has it not happened to me? A couple of times.

Speaker 1 Damn. He's gone through that.
And so do they ask for money and shit? Yeah. And they say, will you buy me shit?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but these ones, man, these are like real trench bitches. Do you know what a trench bitch is? I can guess.
Google a trench bitch farmer. I don't think you'll be able to find it.

Speaker 1 Something from like World War II pop up. Yeah, that's a song.
Who sings that? Oh, Black Youngster. Black Youngster.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Black Youngster.
I've seen photos of some trench bitches. Let me read the lyrics.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I didn't know this was a song. I put my life on the line.
I'm going to break up with you. Don't do it white.
Do it like they do it. Oh, you guys should sing it together.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I put my life on the line i'm gonna break up with you hoe it's over you've been disrespectful i hope crazy house come get you hoe pistol by the dresser because i'm sleeping by my pistol hoe i don't tongue wrestle when you speaking on my bitches hoe i can't put i can't put my bitch before my bro because my bro that's my bro but my bro he got a no then he can't disrespect my hoe she ain't just no wait she ain't just no any hoe She's some like my mind, hoe.

Speaker 1 Even though she my side bitch, I buy her a range row, vert.

Speaker 1 I really like that. That's really good.
That was good. That was good.
That was good. Yeah, that was really good.
Like you did the Rover thing.

Speaker 1 Vert, yes.

Speaker 1 And he didn't even do that. I wrote that for you, Black Youngster.
So reach out to me.

Speaker 1 Can I see a photo of a trench hut? Wait, hold on, hold on. The next lyric literally says, trench bitch.
Trench bitch. She don't give a fuck about rich bitch.
I keep my. Oh, so you like a trench bitch.

Speaker 1 This means she is. She's from the trenches.
She's from the streets. The trenches.
Right. The trenches, yeah.
She's not used to like luxury lifestyles. Our generation calls them real ones.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. The real ones.
Yeah, Yeah, we are. The bench bitches, yeah.
Yeah. Anyway, um, well, listen up, Dave Blunt.

Speaker 1 You got to come back here. You got to come back here.
Yeah. We love you.
Do you have any burning questions to ask us before we wrap up the show?

Speaker 1 Anything that you wanted to say? Well, I do want to ask, man, you know, when we get in a new season, Dave. Oh, never.
It's over. It's over.
It's like, seriously, it's over? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, bro, no, no, like, come on. No, it's done.
That was one of the things. That's one of the requirements

Speaker 1 when Hamas returned the Israeli hotspot. All right, all right, all right.

Speaker 1 All right, all right, all right, why?

Speaker 1 That's a true story. No, no, no.
When Hamas returned the hostages, they said, but no more days. No more days.
And that was part of the deal. Is it seriously done? My night and I know bullshit.

Speaker 1 No, it is. That's my favorite show.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. It's done, yeah.
Yeah, it's done. Damn.
It kind of left on like a cliffhanger almost. Yeah, well, blame Hamas.
Blame Hamas. Oh,

Speaker 1 that's who did it. How come you didn't get Bobby a role on the show?

Speaker 1 That's a really interesting.

Speaker 1 That's a really interesting question

Speaker 1 that I really never had the answer to. I mean, I can give you the answer.
Go ahead. We really only worked with people that really kind of were, you know.

Speaker 1 What? A little like legit actor.

Speaker 1 Shows filled with really good actors. Gato wasn't even, he had no roles before that.
Yeah, no, that's right. I was being facetious.
No, you know, I had no control over the show.

Speaker 1 I wish I could have got Bob on the show, but he.

Speaker 1 Dave doesn't like me. Dave doesn't like you.
That's right. Seriously? Let's just move on.
No, dude. No.

Speaker 1 Hollywood doesn't really work that way. It doesn't work that way.
Well, I wish it did, but if it was my show, clearly, we're making our own shows shows together.

Speaker 1 But when you're on somebody else's show, you can. You guys are having a show together? Yeah, we have a Hulu animated show.
We do, and we have a game. And we would love to have you in it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hey, hell yeah, man. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let me know. I'm down.
You'll play Jerome. Hell yeah.
No, we'll make him like a Pixie or something. What's the okay?

Speaker 1 What is the animated show about? If you guys want to check it out, we can't leak it. Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 But we'll.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, we're going to use you. Dave's on tour.
Go to what is it, DaveBlunts.com. Dot co, dot CO.
Some bastard bastard took.com. We got to get that.
Oh, we got to get them. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We got to get them. DaveBlunts.co.

Speaker 1 Go to DaveBlunts.co. He's going to be down there in the Crescent Ballroom.
Oh, Phoenix. Love, dude.
House of Blues, Cambridge.

Speaker 1 He's going to Texas there, a bunch of Texas dates, Atlanta, and New York, the Market Hotel in New York. Well, Dave, do me a big favor.
We appreciate you being on the show.

Speaker 1 We end the show by you saying something that you really feel deep in your heart to Rudy Jules. If it's a truth you need to tell her or something very powerful.
Give her a powerful message. To her?

Speaker 1 She's young. Yeah, she needs kind of a little bit of advice.
How old is she? She's what are you, six? Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's six. No, she's 2?

Speaker 1 23. 23.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Give her some life advice that you've learned. Life advice, you know,

Speaker 1 shit. You know, you're in your 20s.
This is the time to fuck up and make all the mistakes. Do drugs.

Speaker 1 Be in a relationship that's bad for you. You know what I'm saying? This is the time to do it now.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So when you're 30, like you've been through you're like all right now now it's time for me to you know be a good person citizen level out

Speaker 1 so yeah yeah i want you to look in that camera right there and say thank you for being a bad friend thank you for being a bad friend