Episode 101 - Live At London Agrimedia Con 2023

Speaker 1 Hello, today's show is an edited version of the live show we did at London Podcast Festival earlier this month. There were some things in the show which were

Speaker 1 too visual to include in this. Hopefully the story still makes sense.
I think it does.

Speaker 1 Or rather I should say that the bits of the story that won't make sense to you also didn't make a great deal of sense to the people in the room.

Speaker 1 There's the odd bit where you might think, what are they laughing at? I don't find this moment of silence funny. Well that's usually because a joke of some sort appeared on the screen.

Speaker 1 But I've tried to edit around that stuff, and I don't think you'll feel like you're missing out too much.

Speaker 2 Here we go.

Speaker 2 The Great Big British Birth Nanza Live

Speaker 3 in association with Homeland.

Speaker 4 Hello, and welcome to the the Great British Birth Nans Alive!

Speaker 5 A live human birth streamed in 4K to the internet.

Speaker 4 So hello to everyone watching on the stream and of course those brave enough to be here in the room.

Speaker 4 If you haven't found them already, your ponchos should be under your seats.

Speaker 4 My name is Dr. Sam Archer, a doctor best known for my work on Channel 4's Embarrassing Penis,

Speaker 4 Channel 5's Car Crash Anus,

Speaker 4 HBO's Car Crash Anus USA,

Speaker 4 Channel 5's Celebrity Euthanasia Live,

Speaker 4 Channel 5's Friday Night X-Ray What's Up Your Ass edition,

Speaker 4 and Channel 5's 24 Hours to Save My Genitals,

Speaker 4 amongst others. And I'm joined by the Parents To Be, so please give a big Berthanza welcome to the Bovine Aspect Bob Trescopic and his Palmatania.

Speaker 4 So please introduce yourself to the audience and hear the. I'm just getting the latest figures.
14 people on the stream.

Speaker 4 Hello, I'm Tanya, a vivacious young soon-to-be MILF

Speaker 4 from the Swansea area, and I'm having to give birth on a live stream to make money because my feckless partner Bob has driven us into a financial black hole.

Speaker 7 Tanya, are you sure this is a good idea? Maybe instead we could just borrow some money from a loan shark and fake our own deaths at sea.

Speaker 7 please introduce yourself bob hello i'm bob triskovic i'm a bovine arsvet um

Speaker 7 legally speaking i have to point out i'm not qualified in any formal sense but i am at heart a bovine arsevet and a very good one too uh just purely back street these days uh

Speaker 7 but no one can read an arse like me uh if i could see an arse right now i'd read it like a book

Speaker 4 The only arse I can see right now is you, Bob.

Speaker 2 Tanya, come on. Don't touch me.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 4 Great to see the happy couple. And before we get any further, I'd like to thank our sponsors, Hyundai and McRobertson's recreational epidural jacuzzis.

Speaker 4 You don't know the true meaning of relaxation until you've lowered your legs into hot bubbly water and then turned off your nervous system.

Speaker 4 Hang on, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 2 What's going on here?

Speaker 4 Well, I'm about to give birth down a webcam, so unless you come bearing towels, I suggest you get out of here.

Speaker 15 Sorry, we've booked this room for a live live show over the popular beef industry podcast, Beef and Dairy Network Podcast, the number one podcast for those involved, or just interested, in the production of beef animals and dairy herds.

Speaker 4 I knew I recognised you. You're the one who ruined my wedding last year.

Speaker 17 That's not how I remember it, Tanya.

Speaker 16 You married Barry, the most boring man in the world.

Speaker 19 A man whose entire personality was based around the fact he works in a pin factory.

Speaker 18 And then seconds later, you decided to run away away with the glamorous and handsome bovine asphet, Bob Triskoffik.

Speaker 2 Hi there. Hi, Bob.

Speaker 7 I think it's probably best if you use the room for the podcast. I'm not sure this is a great idea.

Speaker 4 Shut it, Bob. You wouldn't know a good idea if it broke into your car.
Oh, yeah, that's right. You don't even have a car anymore because we had to sell your eye and I I-10.

Speaker 2 We couldn't afford one anymore.

Speaker 4 Please stay calm, Tanya. Babies don't like stress.
It's why you'll never see a baby watching Squid Game.

Speaker 3 Oh, and it's Dr.

Speaker 3 Sam Archer, a doctor best known for such shows as Channel 4's Embarrassing Penis, Channel 5's Car Crash Anus, HBO's Car Crash Anus USA, Channel 5's Celebrity Euphranasia Live, Channel 5's Friday Night X-Ray, What's Up Your Ars Edition, and Channel 5's 24 Hours to Save My Genitals, amongst others.

Speaker 5 And also, my GP.

Speaker 14 Are my test results back yet?

Speaker 4 Yes, I'm afraid they are.

Speaker 20 Good news?

Speaker 4 I obviously can't break patient confidentiality by saying too much in front of all these people. Let's just say that there's no medical reason why it should be that colour.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 4 And it's not fungus. It looks so much like fungus.

Speaker 4 So, sorry, so what is going on here?

Speaker 4 Well, this is the great big British birth Nanza live. I know it's a bit of a mouthful, but we couldn't call it the crown because apparently that was taken.

Speaker 4 We've been offered money by our sponsors Hyundai and McRobertson's recreational epidural jacuzzis for me to give birth live on the internet.

Speaker 13 But who would want to watch that?

Speaker 7 An unholy coalition of the scientifically curious and, of course,

Speaker 2 perverts.

Speaker 4 And I'd said perverts are the backbone of our viewership.

Speaker 4 God bless them.

Speaker 8 And I assume Dr.

Speaker 11 Sam will be delivering the baby.

Speaker 4 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I'd lose my license to practice if I was involved in this in a medical sense.

Speaker 4 So I need to make clear that I am involved in entirely in my capacity as a TV doctor, which has no moral component whatsoever.

Speaker 11 Okay, so who is going to be delivering the baby then?

Speaker 13 Oh, Bob, you're going to do it.

Speaker 7 I've delivered young for all sorts of animals over the years.

Speaker 15 Cows, of course.

Speaker 7 Kemholtz Beavers, a rare South American marmot with a vagina no wider than a human eyelash.

Speaker 7 So Tanya will be a piece of cake.

Speaker 4 Bob says he reckons the process is probably quite similar to delivering a calf.

Speaker 5 Probably.

Speaker 7 Well, with a calf, you basically stick your arm down into the elbow, then pull it out, lick it clean.

Speaker 23 There you go.

Speaker 2 Fresh beef.

Speaker 18 And you were okay with this, Tanya?

Speaker 4 I love to be, don't I? The last you saw of us, we were happily eloping, but let me tell you, life with Bob over this past year hasn't been all champagne champagne and strawberries.

Speaker 4 Things seemed perfect for a while. We went on holiday to the German North Sea coast and danced in the frigid waves, laughing and laughing.

Speaker 4 The freezing water creating a delicious contrast with the pints of boiling hot orangina we were drinking.

Speaker 4 But when we came home, everything changed. Of course, sexually, he still goes like a train.

Speaker 4 By which I mean over the last year, he has regrettably plowed into a couple of cows.

Speaker 4 I thought being married to a bovine aspect would be glamorous.

Speaker 4 But the reality was that Bob would disappear on work trips for weeks at a time. And I asked him, why do you have to work so much? And how come there's so little money in our bank account?

Speaker 4 It's then that he came clean. Bob has been married and divorced nine times.
He has 17 children around the world, and he's paying child support for every single one of them.

Speaker 17 Bob, is this true that you have 17 children?

Speaker 7 Yes. Bernard, Sadie, David, Jason, Ellie, Ariadne, Sandra, Ganny Mead, Timothy Marie, Juan, Juan, Juan, Juan, Juan, Juan, Juan, Juan, Juan, and Juan.
And of course, Timothy Chalamet.

Speaker 14 You're the father of Timothy Chalamay.

Speaker 7 Yes, and despite earning upwards of $10 million per film, I still have to send him 30 quid every fortnight, which apparently he spends on Mincha Melton Mowbray pork pies that he buys online.

Speaker 4 So all of our money is going to child support for all these kids.

Speaker 7 Well, that's not totally true. One of them is now an adult, and I'm paying legal fees to try and get them out of prison in Florida.

Speaker 7 But really, that's just a bit of a misunderstanding with the Cuban crime family, the CIA, half a ton of cocaine, a pickup truck full of stolen stolen alligators, and a shotgun.

Speaker 4 It's quite the kinson era.

Speaker 4 We're so low on money that basically this is the only thing that we can do to make money is live-stream the birth of our first child to perverts on the internet.

Speaker 2 Come on, love.

Speaker 7 It's not just perverts.

Speaker 7 Some of the people watching are interested in seeing a vet do a doctor's job in a kind of job-swap way, in the same way that it would be fun to watch a tree surgeon and have a go at a heart transplant, or the builder from the village people do an extension.

Speaker 8 Okay, well look, I understand your plights, but all these people here have come to see a live edition of their favourite beef and dairy industry podcast.

Speaker 20 Give me a cheer if you're here to see beef and dairy live.

Speaker 8 And give me a cheer if you're here to watch Tanya give birth.

Speaker 5 Quite a lot of permits out there.

Speaker 2 Well, do you know what?

Speaker 8 I think we can do both.

Speaker 15 Let's do this.

Speaker 25 The Beef and Dairy Network is sponsored by by Glando, the latest gland-based energy drink from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck.

Speaker 25 Glando is made by taking all of the glands from a cow's body, combining them, and boiling them until clear.

Speaker 25 But don't just take our word for it. We're backed by valued celebrity spokesperson, the cyclist Lance Armstrong.
For 10% off your first taste of Glando, use the code MilkMine Egg.

Speaker 25 That's Milk Mine Egg.

Speaker 3 Hello and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved, or just interested, in the production of beef animals and dairy herds.

Speaker 8 And this edition is a very special one as we're recording it live in front of a sold-out crowd.

Speaker 11 Here at London Agri-MediaCon 2023, where a number of agricultural podcasts are doing special live editions.

Speaker 8 Obviously, we're here, but also you can enjoy the likes of Three Veal Salad,

Speaker 5 Judge John Hogman,

Speaker 23 and of course the hardcore conspiracy theorist Meat Fundamentalists, No Such Thing as a Fish.

Speaker 11 Now, before we continue, a quick message from London Agri-MediaCon 2023.

Speaker 4 Thank you for attending London Agri-MediaCon 2023. While London Agrimedia Con acknowledges the existence of four meets, this convention will only pay host to podcasts that focus on the top three.

Speaker 4 We wish patrons to be wary of strung-out bow peepers, land dealers, and shepherds trying to gain entrance to the building in order to peddle their mince-slathered Kiwi street meet.

Speaker 4 This year, we have had particular problems with shepherds massing at the perimeter fencing, and if you see this, please get the attention of a security guard who will do their best to non-lethally taser them until they are dead.

Speaker 4 Thank you.

Speaker 6 Now also performing here at London Agri MediaCon 2023 are friends of the show dance champion Kenny Barretone and his wife Yvonne.

Speaker 9 Being the parents to 21 children including a cyclops with a laser eye

Speaker 13 and a medical mega baby the size of a library,

Speaker 13 Kenny and Yvonne know their fair bit about parenting.

Speaker 8 And also, parenting is one of those popular niches in podcasting that are really taking off, like True Crime and Peter Crouch.

Speaker 11 Which is why they've launched their parenting podcast this year, Kenny and Yvonne's Bullseye Babies. So please welcome Kenny and Yvonne Barreto.

Speaker 2 Howdy.

Speaker 26 Hello.

Speaker 26 Thanks for coming, guys.

Speaker 16 Now, obviously lots has changed since we last spoke.

Speaker 19 When we last spoke, you were on the cusp of a big move to Singapore.

Speaker 8 Are you currently living in Singapore?

Speaker 4 We are, yes. Yeah, we've come all the way for this.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 4 Are you paying our travel?

Speaker 8 I didn't offer to pay your travel.

Speaker 12 As they say over there,

Speaker 2 yes.

Speaker 11 Now, obviously, the hope was that going over there, your medical mega baby Talbot would fit in better.

Speaker 14 For those of you who don't know, Talbot is a huge baby who was a bane of farmers across the northwest as he would suck cows dry and tear horses in half, things like that.

Speaker 18 And he was living in the sewers below Manchester.

Speaker 18 First of all, how did you get Talbot over there to Singapore?

Speaker 12 We lured him into a shipping container with a trail of horses.

Speaker 12 And it had to be full of bread.

Speaker 12 That's why there's no Grand National this year.

Speaker 2 Taurum, but we did it.

Speaker 12 We got him in.

Speaker 11 And with the jockeys on the horses?

Speaker 4 To start with, yes.

Speaker 12 And then, you know, classic jockeys ended up smoking.

Speaker 2 Sorry, what do you mean?

Speaker 12 You show me a jockey that he's smoking a little cigarette.

Speaker 12 They do it

Speaker 12 before the horse, do the race, no sing it, off the horse, sing it. Immediately.
Everybody knows this. What's going on?

Speaker 4 That's what stops them from growing.

Speaker 5 So Talbot made his way through the horses.

Speaker 18 Just tearing them in half?

Speaker 4 No, he sucks them dry first and then gives them a tear. It's easier to tear if they're dry.
We all know that, don't we?

Speaker 11 And then into the shipping container.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 20 Quickly shut the doors.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Onto a shipping...

Speaker 20 a big ship, I guess. A shipping ship?

Speaker 4 You've heard of it, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 12 You've seen any of the King Kong movies, you know, you get him in and it wasn't a normal shipping container, was it? No, it was big, big shipping container.

Speaker 4 That's the technical term for it. I hope it's not going over everyone's heads, but it was a big

Speaker 10 shipping control container, yeah.

Speaker 20 And I assume you probably had to put something in the shipping container just to keep him going because that must have been, what, a six-week journey by sea to Singapore?

Speaker 12 Oh, it got him. I believed he hibernated.
Yeah. He'd eaten so many horses.

Speaker 12 That was it now for the rest of the turbulent seas.

Speaker 12 He was fast asleep. Yvonne was singing him the nursery behind Mondia, but you always sing him.

Speaker 12 She's made it up as well.

Speaker 30 It's not a classic off-the-shelf one.

Speaker 14 And I think I speak for everyone when I say we'd love to hear that.

Speaker 2 It's just

Speaker 4 very simple and very short. It goes:

Speaker 4 Sleep, big baby, drink your milk,

Speaker 4 sleep, big baby, try not to kill.

Speaker 4 And everybody's leaving.

Speaker 2 Sleep big baby, drink your milk, milk, sleep. Big baby, try not to kill.

Speaker 4 See?

Speaker 17 Six months.

Speaker 8 She couldn't stop. You were both in there with

Speaker 4 him? No, we were on top of it, but there was a little window, a little hatch that I could just lift up and poke my head through, sleep. Big baby, you know the drill.

Speaker 4 And and he'd, what was in there was like a big nipple.

Speaker 4 For him, it was like a comfort thing.

Speaker 2 And he'd sort of suckle on that.

Speaker 4 There was no milk in it. He didn't need it.
He was full. He was a full baby.

Speaker 13 Where do you get a big nipple from?

Speaker 4 You can find him.

Speaker 4 If you want to know, I'll send you the URL, but it will ruin your search algorithm.

Speaker 31 Just one of the many assets stripped out of Blobbyland.

Speaker 12 I don't know why it didn't work.

Speaker 19 Okay, so you're in Singapore.

Speaker 18 Kenny, I believe you've now left darts behind. Obviously, you were a massive darts champion.

Speaker 8 That's what everyone knows you for.

Speaker 11 But darts isn't so big in Singapore, is it?

Speaker 12 That, but truth be told, I've lost my puff.

Speaker 8 Yes, no, famously, you would you shooed your hands and you would play darts by blowing the dart.

Speaker 17 And you can't do that anymore.

Speaker 12 No, now I've obviously moved, I've had to diversify

Speaker 12 doing the vapes.

Speaker 8 Now you mentioned this last time you were hoping to make a living by, and correct me if I'm wrong, vaping the sweat of businessmen in front of other businessmen.

Speaker 12 Now you say it out loud, it sounds like someone almost made it up on the spot and

Speaker 12 didn't think they'd ever have to think about it again, but yeah, I've been doing that a year now.

Speaker 11 Anna Von, I know you've been concerned about Kenny because it's really bringing on the popcorn lung, isn't it?

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, it's just getting worse and worse, honestly. When we go to bed, if we roll over and we face the same way, and he's sleeping with his mouth open, it smells like the foyer of a cinema,

Speaker 4 but not a nice refurbished cinema, an old cinema where you can still have a little ciggy indoors,

Speaker 4 like an Italian cinema, an Italian cinema. I didn't want to say it, but we're all thinking it, an Italian cinema.

Speaker 23 So, obviously, Talbot was disembarked from the ship.

Speaker 2 How is he fitting in?

Speaker 19 I know you were hoping that you could get involved in the.

Speaker 13 There's a big baby fight club scene in Singapore, isn't there? Yeah.

Speaker 20 Where they kind of go at each other for money, I think.

Speaker 4 Well, there was.

Speaker 2 There was.

Speaker 12 He absolutely, what they class as a big baby is nothing compared to Talbot, is it? It's just a slightly large toddler, and needless to say, he absolutely tore through them.

Speaker 12 Mushed them all up like I was making wine. Do you know?

Speaker 12 Baby wine.

Speaker 12 You can sniff that there.

Speaker 14 We are live streaming this.

Speaker 7 Bye.

Speaker 2 Hello.

Speaker 16 Now, before you both moved to Singapore, you were living in a small terraced house in Bradford.

Speaker 19 Yvonne, you were looking after Kenny's 21 children.

Speaker 16 You were also there with his friend, Cam Mistress Sally Pottington.

Speaker 19 Do you miss that situation? Do you miss the kids? How are the 21 kids doing?

Speaker 4 Do you know what? They're absolutely thriving without us. Really? Yeah, we left them there and they've sort of developed their own ecosystem.
Right.

Speaker 4 Honestly, we couldn't have asked for better. They've got a little town square, aren't they?

Speaker 12 They've got a little town square, they've elected a mayor. Yeah.

Speaker 12 So.

Speaker 11 So they've kind of created their own little civilisation.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's absolutely beautiful. And do you know what? I wouldn't want to go back and ruin that.

Speaker 10 Right.

Speaker 4 So I'll happy leaving them forever.

Speaker 18 And Sally Pottington, Kenny's former friend, shall we say?

Speaker 20 Is she there with the children? Or

Speaker 2 she's around.

Speaker 4 Sometimes she finds a way to sing a poe, doesn't she? She says she's lost and she turns about the flat. But that's all right, and I'm fine with it.
Obviously.

Speaker 4 Sally and Kenny did have a frisson, if that's what you can call a shag.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 I was a little bit annoyed at first, wasn't I? But that's all water under the bridge, and you're a changed man.

Speaker 12 We are just good friends. Yeah.
And I needed to show her those things. What have we got over here? Those things, what we eat all the time.

Speaker 2 Apples. Apples.
Yeah.

Speaker 12 I needed to. I was telling her about them.
She needed to see them for herself.

Speaker 4 I don't understand why you had to lock the door of the bedroom to show her, but that's alright.

Speaker 12 a special edition batch tree the tree only produces one apple every hundred years

Speaker 12 and it can only be eaten if it's seen by only two people all the flavour goes

Speaker 12 all the flavour goes

Speaker 12 she needed to see it she deserves to see it

Speaker 19 Now, you two, obviously, you've got a lot of parenting experience, and so you've set up this parenting podcast, Kenny and Yvonne's Bullseye Babies.

Speaker 20 What made you decide to start a podcast?

Speaker 2 Money.

Speaker 12 Podcast money doesn't seem like a very competitive landscape, to be honest with you.

Speaker 4 So I feel like anyone can do it, and people show up. It don't matter what you chat about.

Speaker 12 There's like,

Speaker 12 I really don't like my kids, and I wish I had them with Ron Beckett and Josh Whitticom, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 12 There's three middle-aged beans in a salad. I don't know.
Have you listened to that?

Speaker 11 Three-veal salad?

Speaker 13 Yeah. Yeah, it's good.

Speaker 12 Gentle.

Speaker 2 In there.

Speaker 12 Very gentle.

Speaker 3 No, obviously, every podcast needs a USP.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 11 What does your podcast do differently that other parenting podcasts don't do?

Speaker 4 Well, a lot of parenting podcasts obviously teach you how to look after your kids, but I think. I'm right in saying we're the only one that teaches you how to defend against them.

Speaker 4 There's a lot of talk about where to hide

Speaker 4 strategies for fight and flight. That's fight and flight.

Speaker 4 Sometimes you need both.

Speaker 4 Stop, drop and roll, that's a good one.

Speaker 4 And just good... Just good advice on where to find horses and jockeys and any other meats that your massive big mega baby might need.

Speaker 12 And I'm proud to say, only podcast in the world produced by an omnipotent cyclops.

Speaker 11 And also, Von, I believe that at the end of every podcast, you teach the listening audience a new nursery rhyme that you come up with.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Kenny's good at these, actually.

Speaker 4 Honestly, Kenny is so good at these. And they're quite quick, I've heard.

Speaker 2 They're like quite fast, fast, fast.

Speaker 12 I mean, mean, they can go on for the full running time of the show.

Speaker 27 Is anyone going to drop a beat?

Speaker 2 No, okay.

Speaker 2 All of you, babies in the world,

Speaker 12 you really wish you could enjoy this apple.

Speaker 12 But it can only be viewed by up to two people in its lifetime as well. As the flavour goes, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Blizzardsman, Kenny and the Morgan.

Speaker 12 Hang on, everyone. Before we sit down, I've got some news.
I was going to save it for our podcast, but I'm absolutely brimming with excitement.

Speaker 4 Kenny, you didn't tell me about this. What's this?

Speaker 12 Yvonne's pregnant.

Speaker 4 No, I'm not.

Speaker 12 Yes, you are, love.

Speaker 12 I've been monitoring you, piss.

Speaker 14 Avia? Of course, you're my wife. What?

Speaker 2 Kenny, that's so romantic.

Speaker 4 But Kenny, we've not made love in months. You said your popcorn lung couldn't stand it.

Speaker 12 I know, last time we tried, I ended up coughing up salt, butter, and sweet caramel.

Speaker 12 So, the situation, to be honest, it does have me asking questions.

Speaker 4 I swear, on your 21 children's lives, the only thing that's been up there is the end of an old cricket bat. Honestly,

Speaker 4 no, I swear down.

Speaker 16 Then, then, how, love?

Speaker 4 Well, I don't know, Kenny. Can we talk about this later?

Speaker 20 Look, sorry to interrupt, but as someone who has given birth to a huge baby, do you have any advice for our also pregnant guest?

Speaker 19 Yvonne, this is Tanya.

Speaker 2 Hi, yeah.

Speaker 4 Oh, hi, Tanya.

Speaker 16 And this is her partner, Bob Triskothing.

Speaker 2 Oh, Bob.

Speaker 2 Hello, Yvonne.

Speaker 5 Hang on.

Speaker 5 You know Bob.

Speaker 4 I put this out of my mind, but seeing Bob now, it's all coming back to me. Washing over me like so many boiling hot oranginas, carelessly thrown back in the heat of the night.

Speaker 4 It was the evening before I was due to fly out to Singapore, and I knew it was my last chance to experience the exquisite beauty of Bradford city centre.

Speaker 4 It was a balmy night, and I remember my PVC bikini squeaked

Speaker 2 as I walked down the high street.

Speaker 4 My eyes hungrily absorbing all the things I knew I would no longer see in Singapore.

Speaker 4 Hadakin chips, wrapped in newspaper, the headquarters of the Morrisons.

Speaker 4 A 65-year-old woman wearing a sachet, Mother of the Bride, puking into the face of a police horse.

Speaker 4 And then there was Bob.

Speaker 4 assisting one of Bradford's many TB-ridden street pigs.

Speaker 4 Our eyes locked, and instantly the atmosphere was electric.

Speaker 4 And it wasn't just the huge amount of static created by my PVC bikini.

Speaker 4 Within moments, we were on the back seat of his Hyundai I-10.

Speaker 25 And he,

Speaker 4 well, let's put it this way: it wasn't just the orangina that was hot.

Speaker 4 Sexually, he went like a train.

Speaker 4 Which by means I can piss on him as long as he's moving.

Speaker 4 The next morning, I woke up in his car, covered in cold orangina, and he was gone. So me and my PBC bikini walked straight to Heathrow Airport and flew to Singapore.

Speaker 6 Gosh.

Speaker 5 I mean, you'd have to think that Bob is probably the father.

Speaker 19 Did you use protection at all?

Speaker 4 No, I was always told you can't get pregnant if it's in a car.

Speaker 12 I was also a firm believer in that rule, but you know, maybe he's right. I can't believe you've got pregnant by a Vetivon.
I'm delighted. The boy's not mine.

Speaker 12 So I don't have to pay for it.

Speaker 12 Another baritone added to the clan. Scot-free.

Speaker 1 Oh, great. Right.

Speaker 5 Well, back to the Great British Birth Nanza Live.

Speaker 14 The Great Big British Birth Nansa

Speaker 2 Live

Speaker 3 in association with Hyundai.

Speaker 4 Welcome back to the Great British Birth Nansa Live!

Speaker 4 Sadly, no movement as yet. It's beginning to look like trying to give birth during a specific 60-minute period was naive.

Speaker 4 Luckily, whatever happens, I'm still getting paid in Hyundai's recreational epidurals.

Speaker 18 Tanya, what's going on?

Speaker 4 The baby's not coming. And if I don't give birth in this hour slot, we don't get paid a penny.

Speaker 4 We've tried everything: eating a pineapple, sex, eating a hot curry, having sex whilst eating a hot curry, having sex with a pineapple while Bob ate a curry.

Speaker 12 Hi, you love Kenny Barreton here.

Speaker 29 You know what worked for us?

Speaker 12 I just looked directly at Yvonne's vulva and shouted, Out!

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 4 it was out within minutes and absolutely livid.

Speaker 12 Oh yeah, it was proper pissed off.

Speaker 18 Kenny and Yvonne, you're both now parenting gurus.

Speaker 16 Do you have any other advice?

Speaker 12 Just when it comes out,

Speaker 12 have a good time.

Speaker 23 Thank you, Kenny.

Speaker 2 Now, Bob.

Speaker 8 Obviously things are a bit different with cattle, Bob.

Speaker 18 But what would you normally do with a cow that isn't giving birth?

Speaker 7 There's a number of different methods, but what I'd usually do is just reverse a transit van into it.

Speaker 2 And that works?

Speaker 6 Not often, to be honest.

Speaker 16 Okay, well, it seems like those of you on the live stream waiting for that baby will have to hang on.

Speaker 13 And no for a word from our sponsor.

Speaker 25 Beef and Dairy Network Live is sponsored by Glando, the latest Gland-based energy drink from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck.

Speaker 25 Do you struggle to get out of bed in the morning? Feel lethargic at work? Glando has the answer, and the answer is Glando.

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Speaker 4 Oh, God.

Speaker 25 For 10% off your first taste of Glando, use the code chunks.

Speaker 31 Now,

Speaker 7 as part of our contract with Glando,

Speaker 8 all of us here on stage must taste the drink in front of the audience.

Speaker 20 So, charge your glasses.

Speaker 8 3-2-1, down the hatch.

Speaker 2 Let's try it.

Speaker 2 So I.

Speaker 12 Viscous.

Speaker 8 More after this.

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That's ziprecruiter.com slash B-E-E-F.

Speaker 9 Now it's time to introduce our next guest.

Speaker 20 Someone super recognizable to anyone in this room, yet we've never seen her face.

Speaker 18 Of course, it's the hand model behind the Bovine Farmers Union Do It With Your Hands campaign.

Speaker 18 It's Anne Ox!

Speaker 2 Hello!

Speaker 16 Now Anne, it's such a great pleasure to have you on the show.

Speaker 18 Everyone's seen the posters, a campaign to get people back into the old ways of hand milking, and those are your hands.

Speaker 4 Yes, that's right. Those are my hands.

Speaker 18 Now, I believe you weren't actually always a hand model, is that right?

Speaker 4 No, no, I wasn't. It was actually my current fiancée who encouraged me to be a hand model.
Before I met him, I was going nowhere. I was a business coach who helped businesses branch out into desserts.

Speaker 5 So hang on, how does that work?

Speaker 4 Oh, well, let's roleplay. You pretend you're from an ailing business.

Speaker 20 Okay, so let's imagine I'm the CEO of a business that sells leather to car seat manufacturers.

Speaker 6 Great.

Speaker 4 Okay. And what are the main challenges facing your business? Oh, okay.

Speaker 6 The rising cost of energy.

Speaker 4 Brexit. I'll stop you there.
Have you tried branching out into desserts?

Speaker 19 I see the problem now.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 So one day I asked myself, why have I gone into this line of business? Was it because I was truly passionate about desserts?

Speaker 4 Or was it because I sneezed at an auction and bought 100,000 trifles by mistake?

Speaker 2 Ha ha.

Speaker 4 I knew something needed to shift, but it wasn't until I met my fiancé and he suggested I become a hand model that my life changed. And I'd like to introduce him tonight.

Speaker 4 Ladies and gentlemen, please meet my future husband, Barry.

Speaker 28 Hello, everyone.

Speaker 27 I work in a pin factory.

Speaker 21 It's Jonathan Tomzano.

Speaker 5 Barry. Jonathan Tonzano, Barry.
Jonathan Tonzano.

Speaker 5 Now,

Speaker 1 this is a bit strange, but just to explain to the audience, we met me and you, Barry, at this very show last year in which you were married to Tanya, who then ran off with Bob Joscotic just moments later.

Speaker 8 And that must have affected you terribly.

Speaker 9 How have things changed for you, Barry?

Speaker 29 Fundamentally, my life hasn't changed all that much.

Speaker 21 Making pins, making pins, making pins all day.

Speaker 28 Short pins, long pins, pins, pins, pins. If the pins go wrong, we put them in the bins.

Speaker 28 I make pins, pins, pins, pins.

Speaker 11 Barry, it was weird when you did that last year, and it was weird again now.

Speaker 27 I work in a pin factory.

Speaker 15 I think we've got that, Baza.

Speaker 4 But but but you don't just work in a pin factory, honey bun.

Speaker 2 Tell them.

Speaker 33 Well, I still work at the pin factory, but things have changed.

Speaker 23 Shortly after I was left at the altar, everything changed when the three men who owned the pin factory sadly died.

Speaker 34 They were my mentors, giants of men, the three kings of the British pin industry.

Speaker 5 King pins, you could say.

Speaker 27 No, a kingpin is a very specific kind of pin.

Speaker 22 Right. And I would know.

Speaker 29 Yeah.

Speaker 23 I work in a pin factory.

Speaker 2 Got it.

Speaker 4 He does work in a pin factory. I know!

Speaker 20 So you were telling me these three kings of the pin industry died?

Speaker 33 Oh, yes.

Speaker 21 It was awful.

Speaker 23 Buck F. Tuckins,

Speaker 23 Tuck B. Fuckins,

Speaker 8 and Fuck T. Buckins.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 4 So sad.

Speaker 28 A reminder to us all.

Speaker 23 Never eat prawns off a buffet that's in direct sunlight.

Speaker 23 Unbeknownst to me, Buck, Tuck, and Fuck had all left their share of the factory to me.

Speaker 21 And overnight, I became the boss.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 23 I own a pin factory.

Speaker 4 And that's how we met. I was brought in as a consultant and suggested they branch out into desserts.

Speaker 4 And that day we learned a valuable lesson about never packaging desserts and pins in the same factory.

Speaker 23 It was a disaster, but when I sat there watching her beautiful hands pulling 45 pins out of a single tiramisu,

Speaker 31 I knew that those hands had to be the hands that held our pins in our advertising campaigns.

Speaker 29 And I knew that those had to be the hands of my wife.

Speaker 23 So I had a choice.

Speaker 31 I had to either pay her to have her hands removed and grafted onto a different woman

Speaker 21 or propose to her

Speaker 4 and so Barry made me the happiest woman in the world he's kind generous and sexually he goes like a train

Speaker 4 a rock hard high speed virgin

Speaker 17 now Barry is it is it going to be awkward for you seeing Tanlia for the first time since she jilted you at the altar?

Speaker 4 Barry, I just was listening over there to this sorry story, and

Speaker 4 I think I can tell that you do miss me.

Speaker 31 Tanya, even though on this very stage last year you married me and then, not two minutes later, ran away with Bob Triskothik, I'd like to say thank you.

Speaker 27 I realised that I wasn't happy back then when we were together.

Speaker 4 Oh, that's not true. You're beside yourself with happiness.

Speaker 31 I'm sorry, I wasn't.

Speaker 4 Well, we're very happy too, aren't we?

Speaker 7 Yeah, I suppose so.

Speaker 2 Well, no, yeah.

Speaker 29 I'm pleased for you.

Speaker 27 I really am. And to prove there's no hard feelings, I'd like to open this bottle of 1994 Chateau de Beef de Beef de Beef Fizzy Beef wine

Speaker 2 in your honour.

Speaker 16 That's very magnanimous of you, Barry.

Speaker 21 Who wants some?

Speaker 29 I know Anne does.

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 I won't, Barry. Well, why not?

Speaker 27 You love Chateau de beef de beef de beef.

Speaker 4 Yes, I do love Chateau de Beef de Beef de Beef. It's just, I...

Speaker 6 It's just, I, um, I can't.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Barry,

Speaker 2 I'm pregnant.

Speaker 22 But we've never made love.

Speaker 27 You... You said you were saving yourself until we got married to prove to me that you weren't just after me for my my money in Pin Factory, which now that I say it out loud doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 4 No, I'm sorry, Barry.

Speaker 21 Well, who have you slept with?

Speaker 7 Sorry, Barry.

Speaker 4 I got a call from my modelling agency. A bovine arsvet was looking for someone with very small, very soft hands to gently remove a cyst from a tiny calf's anus.

Speaker 20 When I arrived at the job, I was bewitched.

Speaker 4 I couldn't take my eyes off the vet.

Speaker 4 So much so, I wasn't really looking at what I was doing. I didn't realize I was at the wrong end of the calf.
And well, that calf had to go and live on a farm.

Speaker 4 A farm for calves that's eyes have been gently removed by very small, very soft hands.

Speaker 4 After the procedure, the vet invited me into the back of his Hyundai i-10,

Speaker 4 where he plugged in a mini-travel kettle into the cigarette lighter, warmed up the contents of a family-sized two-litre bottle of orangina,

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 4 well, let's just say that's not all he heated up. He also heated up two smaller bottles of orangina.

Speaker 4 It was the greatest night of my life. Sexually, he goes like a train.
Insofar as what he did was so unusual, I felt I should report it to the British Transport Police.

Speaker 4 See it.

Speaker 18 Say it.

Speaker 4 Sorted.

Speaker 4 The morning came.

Speaker 2 I woke up.

Speaker 4 And he was just like that poor carved eyes.

Speaker 2 Completely gone.

Speaker 5 gosh

Speaker 8 anything you'd like to say barry

Speaker 2 no i work in a pin factory

Speaker 2 the great big british birth nanza

Speaker 2 live

Speaker 3 in association with hyundai

Speaker 28 i'm sorry birth fans the baby still isn't look tanya I've been thinking, I know we've got a history, but I don't like seeing you like this.

Speaker 10 Giving birth to this room, absolutely packed to the rafters with perverts.

Speaker 33 It's not right.

Speaker 27 I own a £1.9 billion pin business, for goodness sake.

Speaker 4 Please let me pay off your debts so you can give birth in private. Barry, did you say £1.9 billion?

Speaker 23 I own a pin factory.

Speaker 4 Everyone,

Speaker 4 I have some news.

Speaker 4 I don't think the baby is Bob's.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 4 That's right.

Speaker 4 I just want to check something. You did say billion, didn't you, Barry?

Speaker 10 That's right.

Speaker 27 When Buck F. Tuckins, Tuck B.
Fuckins, and fuck T Buckins left me the factory,

Speaker 20 it was worth just shy of £1.9 billion.

Speaker 4 Right, I'm sorry, Bob. I think actually it's Barry that's the father.

Speaker 22 But how can that be?

Speaker 19 We haven't even seen each other for a year.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 4 it's possible, isn't it, Bob? Um, you're a vet, you know these things. Uh, I'd say there are 1.9 billion crazy possibilities in this world, right?

Speaker 2 Well, not really. I mean,

Speaker 21 if you were a rhino, maybe.

Speaker 4 Well, I can think of 1.9 billion reasons why it might be the case.

Speaker 2 Oh, I see.

Speaker 10 Uh yes, well,

Speaker 7 possible, certainly. I think I read that sometimes when someone is really boring, their sperm takes a very long time to get there.

Speaker 7 I wouldn't be surprised if Barry Sperm aren't stopping at every opportunity to tell different parts of Tanya's womb that they work at a baby factory.

Speaker 23 This is a lot to take in.

Speaker 4 You know what, Barry? Maybe the simplest thing would be just split the 1.9 billion now. Tell you what, I'll just take the 0.9.

Speaker 16 What do you make of all this, Doctor Sam?

Speaker 12 Look.

Speaker 4 For many years, I was the in-house doctor on Jeremy Kyle.

Speaker 4 And what I learned on that show was two

Speaker 4 Firstly, just because someone doesn't have any teeth, it doesn't mean they can't bite you.

Speaker 4 And secondly, a DNA test can bring great clarity to situations like this. Oh, come on, we don't need to do that.
I'll take the 0.9 bill as a check, Barry, if that's easiest. Or a traveller's check.

Speaker 4 Or just loads of 50ps, however, you've got it, really. I won't accept Scottish notes, though.

Speaker 27 No, I think a DNA test is a good idea.

Speaker 29 Okay, well, while Dr.

Speaker 13 Sam readies the DNA test, it's time for another word from our sponsor.

Speaker 25 Beef and Dairy Network Live is sponsored by Glando, the latest gland-based energy drink from Mitchell's. If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck.

Speaker 25 Here at Mitchell's, we're passionate about the power of glands. You could say we've got glandular fever.
Over 80% of our workforce have glandular fever.

Speaker 25 And it tastes great.

Speaker 25 And it tastes great.

Speaker 2 And it tastes great.

Speaker 25 For ten percent off your first taste of Glando, use the code BOIL My Pituiteric.

Speaker 11 Right, so Dr.

Speaker 15 Sam, is the DNA test ready?

Speaker 4 Yes, already. Before we go any further, apropos of nothing, I would also like to go on the record and say that

Speaker 4 I have also had sex with Bob in the last year.

Speaker 7 I thought I recognised you.

Speaker 4 What can I say? Sexually he goes like a train.

Speaker 4 Where I live in rural Berkshire, for some reason on Sunday he won't come after 4 p.m.

Speaker 15 Well, there we are.

Speaker 17 Let's bring up Barry and Kenny.

Speaker 8 Welcome back.

Speaker 4 Yes, thank you all for your DNA samples, Bob and Barry. And also thank you for throwing your hat into the ring as well, Kenny.

Speaker 12 Well, you never know when you might win a prize.

Speaker 12 But I do think I owe you an apology for the manner in which I delivered the DNA sample. I didn't realise you could just do a swab.

Speaker 4 So did you sleep with Tanya, Kenny?

Speaker 2 I can't remember.

Speaker 12 And when I was looking at the ceiling, she was wearing a Venetian mask.

Speaker 5 I don't know.

Speaker 4 Oh, for God's sake, Kenny. So what we have here is my DNA test setup.

Speaker 4 Just to talk you through it, that's one baby and three potential fathers.

Speaker 32 It's what we call in medicine the full mamma mia.

Speaker 4 Okay, so let's try Bob first. Okay,

Speaker 4 is Bob the daddy?

Speaker 4 Ah.

Speaker 5 That looks like a no.

Speaker 32 How does that feel, Bob?

Speaker 7 Well, I was looking forward to being a father again, but perhaps this way I can devote more time to Bernard, Sadie, David, Jason, Eliaria, Nessandra, Ganymede, Timothy, Marie, Juan, Juan, Juan, Juan, Juan.

Speaker 2 Juan, Juan, Juan, Juan, Juan, and Juan.

Speaker 5 And Timothy Chalamet?

Speaker 2 Fuck Chalamet.

Speaker 15 Buy your own miniature pork pies.

Speaker 7 You're a fully grown actor.

Speaker 3 Can I just clear something up, actually?

Speaker 20 You said David Jason.

Speaker 12 Are they separate people or are you the father of David Jason?

Speaker 28 Yes, no, both.

Speaker 8 Please take it away, Dr. Sam.

Speaker 4 Okay, next up, it is Barry!

Speaker 4 Oh, Barry, the baby isn't yours.

Speaker 29 Well, I'm relieved, actually.

Speaker 22 It would only have got in the way of my work in the pin factory

Speaker 22 where I work.

Speaker 31 I work in a pin factory.

Speaker 5 Okay, so it's not Bob.

Speaker 2 And it's not Barry.

Speaker 4 Kenny, I swear if this baby's yours, I'm going to set the Cyclops on you.

Speaker 12 Steady, young love. Let's see what the machine says.

Speaker 4 Okay, let's see.

Speaker 29 Okay.

Speaker 4 Kenny is not yours.

Speaker 12 Thank God I'm relieved. For

Speaker 12 I cannot sire another deadly mutant.

Speaker 5 So, Dr.

Speaker 9 Sam, if it's not Bob's, it's not Barry's, it's not Kenny's.

Speaker 2 Whose is it?

Speaker 4 Oh, okay. Well, the machine says.

Speaker 3 The machine says says virgin birth.

Speaker 3 It's a virgin birth!

Speaker 4 It's definitely an art.

Speaker 4 So I should explain, this doesn't necessarily mean that you're a virgin, but it does mean that God is the father of your child.

Speaker 5 Whoa, is this um

Speaker 16 is this common in medicine?

Speaker 4 More common than you think. Um

Speaker 4 one in 38 people is uh is an Immaculate Conception.

Speaker 11 Wow, and Jesus just is like the main main one that people know about.

Speaker 4 He's got the PR team, but there's plenty more.

Speaker 6 Eamon Holmes?

Speaker 33 He knows one.

Speaker 4 Okay, just to mop up any confusion, Anne? Yes. Right.

Speaker 4 The father of your child is Bob.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 4 I did have a feeling I can still smell the hot orangin. And Yvonne? Yes.
The reading that came back from your baby, Yvonne, is...

Speaker 1 The screen says, the end of an old cricket bat.

Speaker 7 It's a bend of old cricket bats!

Speaker 29 How's that?

Speaker 4 Yeah, fair enough. Yeah.
That does make sense. There's also something else rather disturbing in the DNA data, but I'm going to keep that to myself to build dramatic tension.

Speaker 2 So hang on.

Speaker 6 We've got a virgin birth,

Speaker 3 shepherds trying to get into the venue.

Speaker 5 The three kings of the pin industry.

Speaker 2 An ox.

Speaker 2 Away

Speaker 2 in

Speaker 2 our manger,

Speaker 2 no crib for a bed.

Speaker 2 The little

Speaker 2 Lord Jesus lay down his beefhead.

Speaker 2 The stars. Oh my god! Oh, and it's happening.

Speaker 4 I think the baby's coming. Okay, Tanya, it's time for you to switch to the close-up camera.

Speaker 2 No, no, no.

Speaker 10 No, I'll pay their debts.

Speaker 27 Tanya doesn't need to give birth in front of all these perverts.

Speaker 27 Go and have your baby in peace.

Speaker 27 I work in a pin factory.

Speaker 4 Thank you, Barry.

Speaker 4 What are we gonna do, Kenny?

Speaker 12 Yvonne, my beautiful Yvonne.

Speaker 12 I want to bring up your cricket bat, son, as if it were my own.

Speaker 12 However, it comes out, I'll take care of it. That is my pledge.
And I'll use pledge.

Speaker 12 If it's mainly wood, can't hurt.

Speaker 12 We just don't know at this stage, do we?

Speaker 4 Penny, the only reason we're in this predicament is because you won't stop vaping.

Speaker 4 If it wasn't for your popcorn lung, I'd be sleeping with you rather than the end of an old cricket bat.

Speaker 13 Thank you. I love you, Yvonne, but just out of interest.

Speaker 12 Which end of the cricket bat was it?

Speaker 4 A lady never tells.

Speaker 4 Come on, then, you big sausage.

Speaker 2 Let's go.

Speaker 4 Get this bat out of me.

Speaker 4 Barry.

Speaker 2 Barry.

Speaker 4 The baby is Bob's, but

Speaker 4 I want to stay with you. And I'm not just staying with you for your 1.9 billion pin empire.
I want you to know that.

Speaker 22 I know you're not.

Speaker 29 That's why I've decided that I intend to give away all my money to a charity that provides pins to people who don't have pins.

Speaker 4 Not for fuck's sake.

Speaker 27 And the most important thing is with you, by

Speaker 29 Anne?

Speaker 2 Anne?

Speaker 4 Where are you going, Anne?

Speaker 2 Anne!

Speaker 2 I work in a pin factory!

Speaker 4 Look, Bob, I know the baby's not yours, but I want you to be his father.

Speaker 4 Hearing about the way you slept with all those other women, it made me incredibly jealous.

Speaker 4 And for some perverse reason, almost certainly to do with the relationship that I have with my own father,

Speaker 4 it made me realize that you are the one for me.

Speaker 7 Oh, Tanya, I'll never cheat on you again in a way you could possibly find out about.

Speaker 7 Thank you, Bob.

Speaker 2 That's so thoughtful.

Speaker 2 The baby,

Speaker 2 he's beautiful. Isn't he?

Speaker 2 My baby, Beef.

Speaker 2 He's got your

Speaker 2 beef.

Speaker 2 I'm going to call him

Speaker 4 Glenjamin.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Right at the end, there, what was revealed was that Tanya's baby

Speaker 1 was like a roasting joint of beef. I sort of have to tell you that, I think, for it to make sense.
But even then, I don't think it makes sense. You know, now I look back on it a week hence.

Speaker 1 Anyway, thanks to Tom Neenan, Tom Crowley, Anna Leong Brophy, Chris Cantrill, Amy Gledhill, Najee Kamal, and Mike Wozniak.

Speaker 1 Also, thanks to Greg Johnson, who did visuals and videos on the day, which obviously you can't see here, but thanks to him nonetheless.

Speaker 1 Also, of course, thanks to Linnaea Sage, the voice of Mitchell's, who appeared on screen. What a treat that was.
And thanks to any of you who came. What a great time we had.

Speaker 1 If you would like to watch the show, I mean, you've heard most of it now, so you probably don't. But if you would like to watch the show, which has got some extra bits in that...

Speaker 1 you know, make no sense on audio, so we didn't put in.

Speaker 1 It is possible to watch for a few more days. You can buy a ticket and watch the stream.
I will put a link to that in the show notes for this podcast. And you can see all of our beautiful costumes.

Speaker 1 Anyway, until next time, beef out.

Speaker 4 Hi,

Speaker 25 this is Lori Kilmartin. And I'm Jackie Cashin, and we have a podcast called The Jackie and Laurie Show on Max Fun, and it's very exciting because what do we talk about? Comedy.
Stand-up comedy.

Speaker 25 We both do stand-up comedy and have since the dawn of Christ. Jackie.
Is that offensive? It is offensive to me because you've aged me.

Speaker 25 We started in the late 80s and we're still here. You You can't kill us.
So go to the Jackie and Laurie Show on Max Fun and listen to that.

Speaker 12 The Jackie and Laurie Show. New episodes Monday.
Only on maximumfun.org. The Laurie Show.
The Jackie and Laurie Show.

Speaker 30 Greatest Trek is the podcast for all your modern Star Trek needs.

Speaker 32 It's funny, informative, and now it's also timely.

Speaker 35 That's because every Friday, right after the release of a new episode of Strange New Worlds, Picard, Lower Decks, Discovery, or Prodigy, we bring you a review of that episode.

Speaker 30 There's some great new Star Trek coming up, and we're gonna cover all of it.

Speaker 35 You'll like our show because we're both former video producers, so we bring a lot of insight into the production and filmmaking aspects to these episodes.

Speaker 6 And we also have a very refined sense of humor, so we make lots of delightful fart jokes along the way.

Speaker 35 So come see why Greatest Trek is one of the most popular television recap podcasts on all of the internet.

Speaker 32 Subscribe to Greatest Trek at maximumfun.org or in the podcast app you're using right now.

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