Episode 79 - The Phosphorus Brothers

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is sponsored by Granium 2, the new recipe nutritional sand from Mitchell's.

If it's not Mitchell's, get back in the truck.

While original recipe Granium was almost the perfect sand-based cattle feed, it was also highly flammable.

Some customers were unable to see past this feature, so we've made sure new recipe Granium 2 will rarely ever spontaneously burst into flames and still provides a vitamin and a mineral for your herd.

For 10% off your next order order of Granium, come to our headquarters and fight me.

Hello, and welcome to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast, the number one podcast for those involved, or just interested, in the production of beef animals and dairy herds.

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is the podcast companion to the Beef and Dairy Network website and printed magazine, brought to you by Granium 2, the new recipe nutritional sand from Mitchell's.

We've actually had a bag of new recipe granium open here in the office, just a big open burlap sack by the water cooler, and as people go by or stop for a drink, they plunge a big earthenware mug into the sack and take a big mouthful of that nutrient-rich sand.

Obviously, without the custom-made Mitchell's Granium dispensing funnel, the sand goes everywhere, and we've taken to calling that part of the office the beach, which was just a bit of fun until Richard Boyava, our HR manager, came in dressed in nothing but a pair of board shorts and started sunbathing on the patch of sand, soaking in the rays from a photocopier that he had turned over and put on constant copy.

Not only was Paul's body subject to a huge amount of radiation akin to having over 100 X-rays, it meant that he created upwards of 2,000 A4 paper copies of his naked torso.

And then, due to rules that we have here about not wasting paper in the office, we are now duty-bound to carry out all official business on the back of those pieces of paper, so as not to waste them.

So, if you've received an invoice or a letter from us in the past week, and on the back is what appears to be a map of a sort of hairy ski resort, that's the fault of Richard Boyarva.

Now, this month's edition of the podcast is all about business success, and we speak to one of the people behind a British business which has made it in the US.

I'm talking, of course, about the Phosphorus Brothers.

Friends Gary Trulliman and Cameron Reeves set up the Phosphorus Brothers, selling phosphate-based dairy cow supplements six years ago, and last year were bought by American agricultural giants, Mitchells, for an undisclosed figure.

I caught up with Gary to see how things are going.

Hello, Gary.

Thanks for speaking with me today.

Pleasure.

Hello.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you for all your support over the years as well.

Thank you.

It was all you.

We were just telling the public what you were up to, but really,

the leaps forward you created for the UK phosphate industry.

I'm sure you know this, but I just want to say it's amazing to see a UK-based company finally beating the Germans at their own game and making phosphorus that stands up with the best of the world, you know?

Yeah, I mean, absolutely.

I mean, seriously, if you guys hadn't promoted us in the early days when we were just, you know, slinging phosphorus out of a food truck, we'd never have been bought by Mitchells.

The biggest agricultural company in the world?

Need I remind you?

How does it feel?

I mean, did you have any misgivings about selling up to such a massive corporation?

Well, I mean, yeah, I mean,

everyone has initial misgivings about selling their company to mega corporations.

But they put us on a private jet, took us out to their pellet factory in Kentucky, they

introduced us to their accountant, and he showed us a loophole where we don't have to pay tax anymore.

And that was what really did it for us.

Right.

Okay, so how does that work?

Well, I mean, you just send off a form, right?

It's very simple.

You just send off a form and you reclassify yourself as an offshore charity that makes agricultural supplements just on the side.

And now we don't pay any tax whatsoever,

not a penny.

Okay, well, if you're a charity,

what charitable aims does your offshore charitable organization have?

We washed a seagull last year.

You washed a seagull?

Yep.

And that means you don't have to pay any tax?

Just one seagull?

Yeah, I mean, the accountants work it all out, but I think that's basically it, yeah.

Right, so your profit over the last year was how much?

150 million.

And

how much of that money did you spend then

washing the one seagull that you washed?

Well, I mean,

it was really clean by the time we finished with it.

Okay.

I mean I assume it's it was I don't know caught in an oil slick or covered in um chemicals or

um

well I know I mean it was it was just a bit grubby really.

I mean I to be honest we washed it a bit too much and it sort of lost all of its um sort of the coat yeah, the waterproofing.

You know like when you wash an ah wash an anorate without using that special detergent that's for waterproof stuff.

Right, so l let's get this straight.

You you washed a seagull until it wasn't waterproof anymore.

Yeah, and I mean, after that, yeah, it was having a terrible time.

So the entire extent of your organisation's charitable endeavours has been that you

drowned a seagull, essentially?

Yeah,

you could say that.

And that means you don't pay any tax?

Well,

we do actually pay some tax.

Right, okay, okay.

Right, so what tax are you paying?

All right, yeah, I mean, sorry, we actually don't.

I don't know why I said that.

I mean, look, people often get a bit annoyed about the fact we don't pay tax.

And I can see why when I was a taxpayer, that used to bother me too, you know.

But what I say is that if you personally can get into a situation where you're not paying any tax either, it's amazing how much more relaxed you start to feel about companies, charities, sorry, not paying tax.

So you're personally not paying tax either.

Right, again, accountant deals with all that, but I know that I'm not really an employee of the company.

I'm basically, I'm personally basically a sort of non-profit charity, religious or religious charity or something.

Religious charity?

What sort of faith-based, yeah.

Anyone can just decide to do that?

Can they just set up as a religious charity and not pay any tax?

Well, no, obviously, I got on a little boat.

We went out to see.

I lured a seabird down onto the boat, and then I washed it lovingly, washed it.

And let me reiterate, completely free of charge.

I didn't charge that bird anything.

So, when the company pays me for my work, they're actually donating to my faith-based charity, which is to wash one bird every year.

There's going to be another bird next year, I assume.

yeah absolutely i mean we'll try and go even bigger next year trying to do a really big bird uh get one of those um you know those uh power washers from argos you do for doing a patio uh i'll do that on an albatross or something something with a big wingspan or an eagle right okay

look i to be honest you know i invited you on here to talk about your new line of products i don't want to spend too much time thinking about this but really i feel like i have to ask you about it because it's this is a shock this is a shock to me to be honest that you don't pay any tax do you think it's ethical what do you say it's ethical

what ethics are it does change from uh civilization to civilization uh of course in ancient russia uh they used to ride dogs for transport but i guess what i say is if we all stuck to our you know your ethics both sound of things all look sorry to cut you off there used to ride dogs is that what you said

people used to ride dogs they used to sit on the back of them small uh leather leather saddle uh use them as uh cars or horses.

I'm not sure that's true, is it?

Since then, have they ridden, you know, do you see anyone riding a dog as a horse these days?

No, but I don't think that's ever really been.

People have pulled things behind dogs.

That's the what I'm saying is that over time, opinions change, public opinion changes.

It's a very changeable thing.

But whether it's okay to ride a dog or not, I was about to say isn't an ethical issue.

I guess there is an ethical.

You don't think riding a dog is an ethical issue?

Well, no, the more I think about it, the more it kind of is, isn't it I yeah

yeah

in good conscience you you couldn't ride a dog uh you know you wouldn't want to be seen riding a dog because people would think this man's riding a dog no I understand that but I think let's do a thought experiment where we manage to clone you there's two of you and we we clone a town square okay yeah so in one town square there's you riding a dog around the town square okay and the people of the town are watching you and they're making up their mind about you and then there's another town square where you're in there and you're on a loudspeaker and you're you're you're reading out your tax return and you're basically telling everyone that you pay 0% tax yeah and it's the same group of people who are watching you okay

so how does that play out do you think in each town square let's start with the dog one the dog one in current in current times today are we talking today yeah I would say the dog one they'd be a little bit surprised, a bit worried about the dog, depending on the size of the dog, whether it was equipped to carry me on its back.

In the tax one, I think they just think I was a madman just reading out a tax return in the middle of the market square through a megaphone.

I think they'd ignore me.

But what about in terms of the ethical judgment they would make about you?

Ethical judgments in terms of situations.

Reading a tax return out would be confusing for these people.

The little people just listening wouldn't know what was going on.

Whereas if they saw me riding a dog, they would understand that.

Do you know what I mean?

Do you understand what I'm saying here?

It's just very hard for for people to get a grip on tax and understand it.

It's something you don't get angry about, not something that there are morals or ethics about.

It simply is or isn't, in my case.

To be honest, I think people do understand

tax, they do understand what they feel about it.

What they maybe wouldn't understand is the feelings they started to have when they saw you riding a dog.

You know, people watching me ride the dog around a town square might think I'm very powerful.

You know, what sort of man

can tame a dog enough for it to sit on its back and ride it to wherever he wants, not where the dog wants.

Some dogs have a mind of their own, but if you can ride a dog to where you want,

there is a sense of power to that when people see it, you know.

Can I just be clear?

You haven't ridden a dog as a horse?

No, I haven't.

I haven't ridden a dog as a horse.

I may have ridden a dog as a car.

but I haven't ridden a dog as a horse.

That's a very confusing statement.

The difference between riding a dog as a horse and riding a dog as a car

is of course that if you're riding a dog

as a car, you have a small car seat strapped to its back.

If you're riding a dog as a horse, you have a saddle.

And I can categorically say I have never ridden a dog as a horse.

More from that interview later.

But first, another British business success story.

After advertising on this very podcast two years ago, Paul Shilpott's public speaking coaching business went from strength to strength, and now he's expanding into job interview coaching.

He got in contact to tell us how much we've helped him on his business journey and asked us if we'd run another ad for his new venture.

We said that we'd be delighted to do that in return for £80,000.

Hi, I'm Paul Shilpot, and I'm the designer of the Shilpot method.

What is...

What is the Shilpot method?

That's right.

The Shilpot method is the radical new technique which is making people pass interview job for interviews more so than ever before.

100% of people almost are getting the job that they interview for on using the Shilpot method.

Probably sit back, sit down and enjoy me talking about the Shilpot method.

In module one, I'll be talking about first impressions.

And believe me, you, me, me, me, you.

Once you've done the Shilpot method, you won't just walk in that door.

That door will practically suck you through it.

Because we're going to give you a little thing called door confidence, or as we call it door conf and what really is a door think about it that's the first part of any interview is get through the door how are you going to do it you're going to shuffle through in an unconfident way

maybe you were planning to sidle through it like a crab

these are some of the mistakes which really make us laugh here back at the shillpot method headquarters

nice one pull shillpot

i know it was a nice one okay guys let's get back to work.

These interview modules won't write themselves and not kill themselves either.

Okay, guys?

Okay, thanks, Paul Shilpot.

Hey, and by the way,

nice one.

Yeah, you too.

Thank you, Philip.

Free donuts.

Okay.

Back to work now.

I like the working conditions, Paul Shop.

I could give you five pounds for every time I've seen someone try and eat their way through a door out of sheer nerves.

But those doors and those days are behind you with the Shilpot method.

Okay, let's talk about module two.

Now, a lot of people think that the key to a good interview technique is to imagine that the person interviewing you is naked and on the toilet.

But what kind of toilet?

Is it a public toilet?

Is it one of those Japanese toilets that washes your anus?

Is it the twee, chintzy toilet of a Scottish granny full of tiny ceramic hens?

Is it the kind of well-kept futuristic toilet you might get in a major national museum?

Or is it a portolo on a building site at the end of a heavy, heavy, heavy shift?

All these things make the differences because what we're looking at in job interview technique is mini differences, or what we call mini-diffs.

And there could be up to two or three mini-diffs.

That might be all it is.

There's a difference between you getting that job or it going to some Herbert who doesn't even deserve it.

You know what I'm saying?

Okay, now.

Now, hold on to your shirts because I've got some exciting news.

Module 2 now comes with a free add-on module for only $15.99 a month called the Excalibur module.

What do you do if you're imagining the person engineering is naked on the toilet but then someone else comes in, for example, to give you a glass of water?

How do you imagine them naked and on the toilet?

That can be harder because if somebody's walking along holding a glass of water they'd have to be on a mobile toilet.

Now that can be very hard to imagine especially in a high-pressure situation unless you've done the Excalibur module.

We will teach you how to imagine a range of mobile toilets, ones which roll across carpets, ones which come down from the ceiling, and ones which are encased in a glass plastic tube and fly up and down the lobby of a large international corporate building.

Because these are the situations you might find yourself in when you start using the Shillpot method.

But don't take my word for it.

Here is an actual example of a real secretly recorded using secret recording microphones, job interview using the Shilpot method.

Hello, I am Mr.

Brian.

Hello.

Hello, I am Paul Shalpot.

Hello, Mr Brian.

Okay, how do you see yourself in this job?

Why are you laughing?

Because you're using a little child's toilet.

Is that right, Mr Brian?

Mr Shalpot

I hope you like Mercedes cars.

Why do you say that, Mr Brian?

Because you've got the cars, keys, car keys to the executive car lounge.

You're on the board.

Thanks, Mr.

Brian.

No, thank you, Mr.

Shaopot.

I suspect we'll be seeing a lot more of you in the corridors of power.

Yes.

So look, maybe it's not time to start asking yourself why you're not using the Shilpot method already, but time to ask yourself why you aren't using the Shilpot method already.

Get it today.

It's an online system.

12 easy modules.

And if I had to give you just one piece of advice from the Shilpot method, it would probably be this.

Look, when you think about it, a job interview, it's just like any other conversation, right?

You get nervous, you get sweaty, and you don't really want to be having it.

But put that out of your mind and just try and enjoy it.

Because at the end of the day, this is the most important conversation you'll probably ever have in your life, right?

And anything you get wrong, anything, any little move you make wrong could ruin the rest of your life.

I'm Paul Shilpot and you've been listening to Paul Shilpot talking about the Shilpot method.

Okay that's a wrap guys.

Wow good fun really good fun making this ad everywhere.

Absolutely nice one.

And by the way

nice one.

More after this

Several industries are projected to grow this year.

For example, pet services, which is is training, walking, feeding, etc.

Fitness, health and well-being apps, and home improvement, renovation and decoration.

If you own a business in one of these growing industries or a range of other industries, you probably need to hire ASAP.

And there's only one place to go, ZipRecruiter.

ZipRecruiter Technology finds the right candidates for your job and you can invite your top choices to apply.

ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site in the US based on G2 ratings.

Now you can try ZipRecruiter for free and ziprocuita.com/slash beef.

That's ziprocouder.com/slash beef.

Now, it's not just this episode of the podcast.

This month, over on the Beef and Dairy Network website, has been all about entrepreneurship.

One message on our forums jumped out at us, and I'll share it with you now.

Barry from Tyneside wrote, I sold everything to start a business selling a beef-based car airbag.

With the system fitted, instead of an inflatable bag coming out of the steering wheel in the event of a crash, five pounds of beef offal would be fired into your face.

With a face full of beef offal, not only are you cushioned from the impact, you also have food to eat while you wait for the emergency services to arrive.

However, during pilot studies, the data showed that when a member of the emergency services approaches someone inside a car wreck and the windows are splattered from the inside with beef offal, they often mistake them for a lost cause and move on to another patient or simply go home.

Also, in that situation, injured parties will often neglect to shout for help because they're too busy tucking into that beef.

Despite interest from car giant Hyundai, I was not given government clearance to commercially roll out the product and so was left with a garage full of beef offal and the bank account so far in the red that it looked like the driver's side windows of a car that had crashed with the beef offal airbag replacement system installed.

As my business failure became clear, my relationship with my wife began to deteriorate, and it reached a breaking point when she found me shagging a crashed test dummy up against a huge pile of offal in my garage.

Well, a lot to think about there.

Thanks for sharing that on our forum, Barry.

Also on the website this month, we ran a scheme where network members were able to call into our answerphone and leave an advertisement for their business at the heavily discounted rate of £40,000.

We received the following calls.

Right.

No mention there of where cigarettes and beef is, so not sure how useful that's going to be as an advertisement.

Okay, here's the next one.

Hmm.

Okay,

not sure if that's the same business as the previous one, potentially.

But I think the first one was called Cigarettes and Beef.

And this one was Beef and Cigarettes.

Again, no address, so I really, I don't know where we are with that one.

Next.

Do you want beef?

Do you want cigarettes?

Do you want beef?

We've got beef and cigarettes and even more beef besides.

Come to beef and cigarettes and beef.

The only shop that only sells beef and cigarettes and beef.

You want beef?

We've got it.

You want cigarettes?

We've got it.

You want more beef?

We've got it.

We also sell gravel.

Rise.

I

again

is that the s I

okay?

We also got sent this.

It's not a voicemail, it's a homemade advert from the proprietor of the Red Lion Coaching Inn

with its original oak beams, fireplace,

and cobbled forecourt.

A warm welcome awaits you at the Red Lion Coaching Inn.

Since the early 1800s in one way or another,

the Red Lion

has been welcoming visitors.

Okay,

the hotel offers a range of rooms,

both en suite and standard.

Also, for a range of hall pockets.

Okay,

all rooms are tastefully decorated

with antique pine furniture, a hospitality tray,

and a remote control colour television

where you will find a comfortable bed and breakfast to fuel your day.

Quality food

at various prices.

Eight bedrooms near the canal.

Business parks.

A staggering home

will take up to 25 minutes with beautiful views of the fens.

Ask our award-winning chef.

Okay,

please enjoy the towels

and don't look at my wife.

Okay, unfortunately, in that ad, again, the proprietor doesn't tell us where the red line coaching in is or

how to contact them.

So,

God knows.

Now it's time for the second half of my interview with Phosphorus brother, Gary Trulliman.

While I was personally shocked by his tax position, I had invited Gary onto the show to talk about his new range of products.

Let's talk about the reason you're on the show today, your new range of phosphate products.

The flagship product seems to be the...

Sorry, you can tell I've lost a bit of enthusiasm for this now because

before I felt like I was

copying a British brand and now

it turns out you're screwing us all over.

We still create the same great phosphorus we always have.

You phosphorus

Our flagship product, of course, the big bag of phosphorus.

Yeah, that's the new one.

The phosphorus

boys, big bag of phosphorus.

Yeah, just tell us about that.

It's a very strong product.

You know,

we sat down.

We all sat down and we thought, how can we revolutionize the world of phosphorus, dairy, cattle, dietary supplements?

And do you know what?

It's pretty obvious we'd reached the end of the road with defluorinated phosphate.

What?

Sorry.

You're right.

Sorry, what?

Eh?

As a joke, you know, Cameron, he had a couple of drinks and he was like, guys, what if we mix dimonocalcium phosphate and monodicalcium phosphate?

And I was like, all right, Einstein.

Sorry, I.

It really does.

It gets me every time.

Look, I understand that's funny to you for some reason, but

maybe it's a phosphate,

you know.

Mono ammonium phosphate and the rest, do you know what I mean?

More phosphorus, Vicar.

Sorry, I really don't.

I don't have a hand holding this humor.

Do you know what I mean?

Well, these are phosphates, not trace minerals.

They're not trace minerals.

Can you stop doing this phosphorus humour, please?

That's what they set up at the phosphorus awards.

Can you just

talk about your new product in a straightforward way, please?

Okay, let me just.

Sorry, I just please just talk about it in a straightforward manner.

Without all these weird phosphorus jokes.

Well, look, as I said,

we started fiddling with a formula.

Great.

And Cameron came in one day and he said, I've mixed monosodium phosphate with cobalt.

What?

I said, what?

Cobalt.

Bloody Cameron.

I think that's it for me.

Sorry.

I'm calling this.

I'm calling that.

That's the end.

That's the end of this interview.

Thanks to Gary for that interview.

So that's all we've got time for this month.

But if you're after more beef and dairy news, get over to our website now, where you'll find all the usual stuff as well as our off-topic section, where this month we run down the top 20 Olivia Newton-John lookalikes in the Northern Hemisphere.

So, until next time, beef out.

Thanks to Sunil Patel, Henry Packer, Carolina Vig, Louise Robb, and Hester LC.

Hey there, I'm Ellen Weatherford.

And I'm Christian Weatherford.

And we've got big feelings about animals that we just got to share.

On Just the Zoo of Us, your new favorite animal review podcast, we're here to critically evaluate how each animal excels and how it doesn't, rating them out of 10 on their effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics.

Guest experts give you their takes informed by actual, real-life experiences studying and working with very cool animals like sharks, cheetahs, and sea turtles.

It's a field trip to the zoo for your ears.

So if you or your kids have ever wondered if a pigeon can count, why sloths move so slow, or how a spider sees the world?

Find out with us every Wednesday on Just the Zoo of Us in its natural habitat on maximumfun.org.

Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.

Somewhere between science and superstition, there is a podcast.

Look, your daughter doesn't say she's a demon.

She says she's the devil himself.

That thing is not my daughter.

And I want you to tell me there's a show where the hosts don't just report on French science and spirituality, but take part themselves.

Well, there is.

And it's Ono Ross and Carrie on Maximum Fun.

This year, we actually became certified exorcists.

So, yes, Carrie and I can help your daughter.

Or we can just talk about it on the show.

Ono Ross and Carrie on maximumfun.org.

MaximumFun.org.

Comedy and culture.

Artist owned.

Audience Supported.