Relationship Real Talk

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So guys, welcome back to another episode of gate another episode um we are in new york city this week new york yeah actually it's super in and super out like we are here and then we're gone i'm not a bit listen new york i have a i have a lovely relationship with new york yeah i feel like the first time you come to New York City, like the very first time we ever did, we were 16. And I remember driving downtown though, like over by Times Square and stuff.
And remember that first feeling you get when you see New York City for the first time? It's like, whoa. It was crazy.
Especially like kids like us. We come from just like a little country town.
The biggest town we ever saw was Detroit. Right.
And I remember driving through New York and be like, this is unreal. This is crazy.
It was like surreal. I also remember I had to bring my sister because our parents could.
Why couldn't our parents come? Probably. They're probably working.
Yeah. Something happened where my sister had to be our guardian or whatever it was for the day or for the time that we were there because we were still minors.
Yeah. Which when you think about it, like, isn't it weird to think about? We were minors for one, two, three years of filming Teen Mom.
Yeah, we were. Like, dude, how did that even happen? Well, they had to have people sign for us.
I know, but it's just weird to think about. Like, wow.
And then to think about what they filmed. Like, think about it.
16 years ago, like reality TV did look different.

Oh, yeah.

It was super raw.

Yeah.

It just got – we just got past like the real world part and we're kind of leaning into like then Jersey Shore happened, which obviously is party days, whatever.

Yeah.

And then our stuff.

I feel like our show was similar to like True Life.

That's what it reminded me of too.

Yeah.

Like it was so raw and I feel like the difference now with reality TV is just so way different.

I feel like now reality tv is just like all like drama like catty girls beating each other up or like you know housewives right or lip you know couples living in houses seeing if they cheat on one another like drama that i told you that didn't i yeah you told no you told me about that yeah bro that's i want to get some of those people on the podcast because i want to talk to you about what the hell are you doing and what were you thinking i'm temptation island dude what's going on and why would you torture yourself like that it dude it is the craziest show i've ever seen i've always saw clips but from the clips i'm like this is a this is some toxic ass shit i feel like that's the type of show that would give me anxiety because i'm such an empath you know like oh my god it's heart is broken someone hug him jack oh my god poor jack no but it's really that show is really insane and anyone listening who's watched temptation island you know what i'm talking about yeah i've never even seen of it. But just what you described to me, I was like, that is horrible.
No, it's bad. Like, it's probably a show that would make me cry.
For the person being her. Yeah.
You know? And by the way, I'm sitting on the lowest couch I've ever been on in my life, guys. So, I mean, like, bro.
It's great for me, but not for you. No, look at you.
It's perfect for for you look at your 90 degree bent leg yeah and you're tall my leg on the ground this is like what the very inverted 90 anyway uh this is the first time i've ever been in the space recording but yeah uh yeah i think it's well actually we're in new york we're a couple different things. We're interviewing some more adoptees, which I'm really excited about.
And we have an adoptee, adoption-competent therapist we're talking to. Which that will be super interesting.
Which that will be really cool, which I'm excited about that. So New York, New York.
But we're probably – this will probably be the last trip to New York for us. Probably.
I feel like we could find some really nice places in Detroit. Yeah, and I think we've gotten in the swing of things.
Well, and also, like, hello, we're parents. And I feel like, you know, it's hard for us to go away.
It is. And so, like, this one, it's like we're recording today, tomorrow.
And then tomorrow after recording, we're getting on a plane and flying home. So, at least if we book something in Detroit, since we are parents, it'll be like we're going to going to work we go to work for a few hours and then we can drive home because i think what it's hard when you're trying to do this type of work and you have to leave your state like yes where there's practices in art class and just all this stuff that you have to like appointments yeah like and you can't i don't i don't know how i don't know how people do it.
But I guess other people have nannies.

They got baby daddies.

They got grandmas and grandpas who are willing to help. Willing to do stuff.

Thankfully, your mom was willing to do this trip.

Yeah.

You know, seriously.

But that's why I'm like, you know what?

For our schedules and stuff,

and the fact that we don't have a lot of extra help on hand,

it's better to find a place in Detroit that makes sense. sense yeah that way we're only going for a few hours not a few yeah second drive an hour home and it's fine so but um so i figured for this week um we do have a bunch of fan questions we have a lot of fan questions yeah we do so i wanted to read some of these fan questions.
And then also I got this game, like this card game for couples. And so like, we will ask each other questions and then answer them.
Um, and I think it's funny because, you know, we've been together for almost 18 years, but, and we really do know the ins and outs of every, of each other, but it's like, sometimes like either I'll say something or you will. And you'd be like, I never knew that about i'm like oh my god right what was the other day that you said something like and it's like i never knew that about you i can't remember what it was right i know so it's funny how i don't remember what it was exactly yeah but isn't that funny you would think that like after this long so like people that get married after two years i don't know what you guys are crazy i wanted to um so i definitely wanted to read some of these fan questions because i mean we get fan questions for the show all the time well you also did that thing on instagram where you ask yeah anonymous i do yep and i always keep an anonymous um which that's really interesting i feel like well yeah so that way people feel like they can ask us questions, you know?

I like to bring them involved.

I like to make you guys involved.

Yeah, absolutely. Like, I like the listeners to be involved.

It makes it more exciting.

And believe me, we're not like therapists or anything.

You know what I mean?

But I feel like.

And we're the last people to probably take advice from, but.

But hey.

But sometimes I feel like we have good advice.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Y'all keep coming to us.

Yes.

And I guess we're going to

answer a few of them. All right.
This first one says, hello, my question is about relationships. What do you do to keep the sexual relationship strong? It's hard when you have children.
It can also get old and hitting when you've been together forever. I've been married for 23 years.
My daughter is now grown and I would like to reconnect with my husband.

Um,

I,

I, And hitting when you've been together forever. I've been married for 23 years.
My daughter is now grown. And I would like to reconnect with my husband.
I feel like. I know.
That's cute. I will say one thing.
I think the one positive thing about this. Is that she's not like chalking it up to it's over.
We don't love each other no more. The spark is gone.
It's all. Like you're actively trying like you're literally seeking it out like okay how can i want like for her to say i had the desire to reconnect that's that's the main thing that's what you need because i feel like people try to force things if you don't have the desire to work on something or you know what i mean then it's like all right and also i can relate to like being sexually intimate with a husband when you do have children is hard.
It is. It's hard.
I mean, when you're running, you're running all day or, you know, even just, even just them being there. Like, right.
Like you can't be too loud, you know, or things like that. Like that is, it does make it difficult.
And also kids are exhausting. There's some nights, even us when we go to bed and we'd kind of have this thing where it's like around dinner time or something all we have to like literally say either one of us has to say like i'm just super tired yeah and we know oh okay like it's it's it's and it's weird i think every couple can kind of create their own little uh-huh like they can create their own thing and i my suggestion this is just from our experience, like our lived experience, but you can create any kind of code word.
I don't care if it's an emoji. I don't care if it's a sigh and like a, oh, I just can't wait to go to bed tonight.
Right. It could be any little slight thing.
Yeah, it could even be something that's like, I'm going to bed early tonight. I have a lot to do tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah. Or yeah yeah or just something as simple as i just want to go to bed right away like i don't i don't want to i don't even want to watch tv i know like ours is literally around dinner time when we're all getting the kids plates ready and everything and one of us just has to say like hey i'm just really tired tonight and then the other one knows like okay me too yep got it right you know or like honestly i guess for us it's not exactly the same thing but no you just get the vibe i don't know you're like oh i can't wait for bed tonight you know what i mean right right and then it's like oh all right clock all right yeah yeah but i think it creates it it creates a a communication that doesn't have to be said with long explanations or words or defense or or negative yeah it doesn't doesn't have to be negative.
It's like, oh, you're tired. Cool, sweet.
I'm tired too. And I think we do it that way because I think it's more receptive.
It's different if you're laying in bed, make a move, and then they're like, oh, I'm really tired. Then it's like, oh, shit.
Yeah, then you feel that I feel like then the other person has a tendency to feel kind of rejected a little bit. Which then what what happens is that then that makes it personal and it's not personal.
You know what I mean? Right. No, I'm just fucking tired.
I would love to have, you know, make love to you, but I'm just fucking tired. Yeah.
Right. You know? So I think it creates a safety, a safety net for people who like, you don't got to explain yourself.
You don't got to get defensive. You don't got to feel rejected.
Do it before the nighttime routine. I don't care if that's whatever it is.
Whenever you guys are just sitting there, but oh, she went for bed tonight. Figure it out.
Or send an emoji. Send a text message.
I don't care. But I feel like as far as like reconnecting, like, you know, she's saying how she wants to reconnect.
I think like it does for me personally, my advice would be be like it doesn't even have to be sexually intimate i feel like intimacy also starts out of the bedroom so like go on dates with one another cuddle do some pda when you're around at the house like just come up and hug him or and honestly i think the most important thing is to still date one another no matter how long you guys have been together do something special go on a special date go to a really nice dinner go walk on the beach with each other and hold his hand um like little things like that uh i feel like lead to sexual intimacy like showing love and affection or at least leads to the desire for because i feel like i've just heard so many stories about like you know girls just saying like you can't just jump in like you need to like warm me up like i hug me if you don't show any intimacy throughout the day right that's not leading to sex then then of course when you go for it they're gonna be like fuck no you haven't touched me all day you haven't even said you know what i mean like so it feels almost like and honestly it's not healthy i don't think really because i don't think anyone should be felt like they're being used in some way or not desire yeah you know yeah in a real way not a selfish way like you know you want to connect with me that's what i mean like even doing different forms of intimacy yeah showing that you're loved and and giving affection in different ways to leads up to the deed.

The deed.

The deed.

You know what I mean?

And also like, girl,

your kids are out of the house.

Dude, I know.

You want to be as loud

and as crazy as you want to be, you know?

That's what I'm saying.

Why?

And it's, Tyler and I say it all the time,

like from different people that we've talked to or people in marriages or you know friends that are in relationships and stuff like we have a very sexual a healthy sexual it's like yeah yeah compare i mean compared to like when you hear when you hear stories of people that though no but like when you hear stories saying like oh i get it maybe once a week or once a month and me and tyra like oh are we or what sorry tmi you know what i mean but but also but no it is shocking to hear i'm like whoa and some people are like oh we schedule it and it's it's once every two weeks or something i'm just like in my head i'm just like yeah why schedule for one i mean i understand scheduling yeah okay i i get why though i get why you need to schedule it yeah but i also get why scheduling it. Yeah.
Okay? I get why, though. I get why you need to schedule it.
Yeah. But I also get why scheduling it also feels doomed or feels not exciting or feels whatever.
Or like it's a job. Because honestly, that goes back to our thing that we have.
What if we scheduled it and that day you just end up being tired? Right. And now I don't have- Or I started my period that day.
Yeah. Now I don't feel like I have the freedom to say, oh, I tired tonight wink wink right you know what i mean because you're like oh i scheduled it oh man yeah it puts a weird like pressure duty and i'm not here to i want to connect with you in a real way not as a duty or a service yeah and so for us i think just for some people scheduling works out really great for them because of kids and works and jobs and stuff but i think for our relationship it's more or less like let it come naturally and it happens yeah a lot i compared to other i mean i was shocked when i hear other people even people our age i'm like what yeah if you are a living breathing woman then you probably have hormonal issues it's impossible not to have them there are more than 1000 disruptors living rent-free in our environment right now, in our food, our water, the air we breathe, the clothes we wear, our skin care, and they all mess with our hormones.
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You guys, one kid goes to all their parents for a weekend. You have a house or something? Yeah.
I don't know. But honestly, I don't think we even realize it.
We have a good relationship, and that's the way it is and then i was gonna say and we also do we are very affectionate you know throughout the day we hug we kiss we cuddle all the time you know yeah i mean it's to the point like where me and ty will be hugging in the kitchen and then here comes all our little they see us loving and they're like i want to love too i know even our dog yeah remi it's you know what i mean like it's so normal around our house like obviously we don't get gross but it's like cuddles and like i'll hug him and like kiss him or just like hold him and lay my head on his chest and then here comes raya here comes veda here comes nova here comes the dog they're all in a big circle hugging around me and ty who started hugging it's almost like they sense it and they're like i get in on that. I remember the one time when Nova's good friend that's been her and Nova are only two years apart or two months apart.
Sorry. So they've grown up with each other.
And the one time Nova's friend was at our house and me and Ty were like hugging in the kitchen and I pecked him on his lip and I'll never forget her friend saying, ew, that's gross. And Nova straight up looked at her and she goes, that's not gross.
They just love each other. I was like, yes.
And I was like, see, like our daughters are seeing that like, it's okay to be loving and affectionate to one another. I'm like, listen, I'm a huge, I'm all about PDA.
Not, don't get inappropriate, but I'm PDA. Show these kids that this is not something to be ashamed of.

It's not something that should be secret or private or whatever.

It's okay to hug and kiss and cuddle in front of your kids.

And because when they're older, if they get in relationships, I want them to know,

oh, it's okay if I just randomly walk up to my husband and give him a hug.

Yeah.

Or peck him on his lips.

But there are people who do not believe in PDA. You will not see them do anything more than a peck in public.
You know what I mean? Right. And in public, we're different.
It's more or less hold hands. I'll grab you from the side.
I'll grab you from the side. I might peck.
That's about it. Yeah.
You know? But I don't know. I just feel like some people, I said, bring on a PDA.
You know what I mean? Go ahead. Go for it.
I think it shows. Because I don't want, I guess I just don't want any shame

being attached to anything because.

It should not be.

But I feel like in certain cultures and societies

and whatever you want to call it,

it does.

And it's like, dude,

I just feel like if we start to attach shame

to that development,

like as a kid,

as it's developing,

it just creates a whole. Other problem.
Whole. Or issues.
Yeah. Because how do you, your first experience is attached to shame.
Yeah. So not every experience after that's going to be like this thing.
You're going to feel shameful. How do you ever break free from the shame and be able to be liberated in that space? You can't, you know what I mean? Because you're always constantly, my mom said, my grandma said, or I don't know, I should be doing this.
And like even talking to my mom and stuff like it's just sad like i feel like i don't know i just feel like the older generation just got like screwed in a way because there's no there's barely any sex out when they were growing up yeah which their parents didn't talk to their parents didn't talk about it which i think is super important to bring up because they raise us yeah so they you know what i'm saying like so we were impacted by their impact which was minimal right not even taught really so like my mom even said that she like when my dad said either either you give it up to me or i'm leaving you or i'm a guy i have needs i said i have needs like she felt oh my god and she felt like she was forced yes and she said oh my god i do love him i have to do this for him and see so you you you and i was mom, that probably shaped your whole life. I hope you know that.
And she was like, what do you mean? And I was like, literally, you started out with thinking that your first experience had to be a service to someone else. So from that moment on, how do you like – That's why you never really enjoyed it.
Yeah. It's because you felt like it was a damn duty or a service and i can't i hate that shit because i feel like people use that excuse of like oh well a guy is a guy and they have needs what are you talking about a girl don't have needs either right and i absolutely do and i also feel like they get it so fucked up because it's like you you really believe that guys think about it more than girls do right no guys are just more able to say it out loud because society accepts it oh yeah bro and the girl says that they're like slut you know what i mean so it's like dude i don't want to hear that shit developing girls just like develop it like they all have the guys there's plenty of times in my mind where i'm like damn zaddy i want to eat you up you know the next question i have is i'm currently 12 weeks pregnant and share a four-year-old with my partner.
We've been together for seven years. I found out this week that he's been going to massage parlors and receiving happy endings, spending our family's money on this.
He's been around six to seven times in the last six months. And that's including when I've been pregnant.
I've also found out he's been messaging escorts. He works away a lot.
As recently as just last week, he says he's never gone through with it, as that's a step too far. Obviously, I love him.
So he's been messaging escorts but hasn't supposedly met with one because that's a step too far. But a happy ending is not? Obviously, I love him, but I don't know what to do for our family's sake at this point.
He is a great dad and usually a great partner, and we get along so well. I just feel so disgusted by him at the minute.
Help. Okay, from a woman.
Wow. I don't even, like, that's...
From a woman's perspective, okay? If I ever found out that you were going to massages, happy ending massages. Done.
And messaging escorts, even if you didn't meet up with an escort, I would leave. Absolutely.
Because that is completely a form of cheating. Whether you're touching the girl or not, she is still touching you and doing stuff.
Mood. And giving you pleasure that I feel I should only be able to give you.
and I know you're touching the girl or not she is still touching you and doing stuff and giving you pleasure that i feel i should only be able to give you and i know you're pregnant and you have kids and you say that he's a great dad so why wouldn't he be a great dad even if you guys were separated i feel like true you need to take care of yourself and for me if i were to stay in situation that, I feel like my mental, my mental, uh, like health would be at major risk because anytime he leaves or anytime he went somewhere, I would think he's cheating on me and I would not be able to live like that. And I, I honestly think that you need to leave him and show him like, you know, sometimes people don't realize what they got till it's gone and you sound like a great mom i would leave i mean listen my you sound like you're i think you've overstayed yes like you're it's i i'm i'm so i have so many questions now because like okay so you you find out that this is happening you're going i don't care escort massage, prostitute, whatever.
I don't care what happened. You are seeking something outside of your marriage, outside of your commitment with this person.
I don't care if you haven't even touched anybody. Messaging, sexting, anything.
You're operating outside of our thing. Yeah, it's the same thing as cheating.
It is. I think people are like, oh, well, it is.
I don't care if people say it they can say oh it's not that gee i was just flirting flirting talking outside of your marriage like dude bro that is that's it you might as well just go screw the other person because at this point i feel the same way yeah and like if i found out you were messaging someone else and nothing ever happened maybe you never even met each other but you were having that conversation that flirting it like bro you're still emotionally cheating you are and i believe that's the same you can be emotionally cheating or sexually and intimately cheating like if you're spilling all your thoughts and feelings and emotions to somebody that's fucking cheating yeah especially well i mean you can talk to people but not in a 40 way not in a right that's what i mean though in those sorts of way and then also for him for him to say that he's been messaging escorts but hasn't met up one i would be like i don't believe you you've already been going to happy ending parlors i do not believe okay what the hell is the difference between going to a happy ending massage parlor or an escort bro your massage therapist i hate to break it to you is a fucking escort right because i don't care what act you're doing you're paying her for a service that ends in this result and what's crazy is like nine nine out of ten times those women in those massage parlors are being sexually trafficked which is even and then you are then you are giving to that also did she say she has a kid right yes They have a child and she child and she's pregnant oh my god this poor woman all right you just gotta leave and that's gonna be hard in um and i hate that my opinion is there's no going back coming back from this yeah i don't know what the ages are um but he's got an issue i think i think she said how how old he was um a four-year-old no the guy oh the guy i don't know i don't know how old they are like right because i i i there's a uprise in like addiction to porn and stuff from not our generation but like your little brothers oh like they're coming they're they're like the the 20 year olds like whatever Yeah. And it's because they've had access to it since they even started, like anything.
So, like, that sounds like he's got an issue to me. Yeah, I would say she needs to, you know, get a big support system like her family or friends.
Or, you know, she needs to get a tribe. And I would leave.
There's no way I'd be able to sleep next to him at night. No way.
No, bro. And like so let him be a good dad away from you and I have to I'm a dad so I don't think he's that grave a dad as you're saying he is I get your saying he's a good dad maybe to your children but a good dad is not seeking things outside of the relationship with that child's mother breaking that bond breaking the family up going to massage

bro just i can't that's good like i'm sorry like i understand that like i don't know i just feel like any guy who's willing to like sacrifice his whole family unit for a fucking happy ending are you fucking kidding me for a blow job or a or a wackadoodle you know like what Like a noodle of a noodle.

Right.

Come home.

I will choke your chicken.

You know, like what? Wackadoodle the noodle. Right.
Come home.

I will choke your chicken.

You know?

No, for real though.

Yeah.

So I'm sorry.

I disagree with the fact that he's a great dad.

I don't think he's that great of a dad because a great dad would not do that.

Wouldn't be breaking up the family.

He would be able – a good dad would come to her and say, I'm not happy with this.

I wish we had more of that.

Whatever, whatever, whatever his main issue is.

Yeah.

And like I said, maybe his main issue is being addicted or being like.

He could be a sex addict.

Yeah.

This is a real, I think people don't, this is a real thing.

Like it.

And it's a super hard addiction.

Yeah.

Because it's available everywhere. It's available in your hand everywhere it's available in your hand it's on your phone it's it's it's everywhere and the more comfortable and liberated society gets with it it's almost like the more liberated we get hallelujah great we all should have sexual freedom but at the same time with that new freedom we should have more regulations like yeah like you should not be able to log in to porn sites without having

verification of something.

I don't care what it is.

You got to take a picture of your license or something.

Something like it's just doesn't make any sense.

So like,

I don't know if the issue is like,

he's got an addiction problem,

which that could be worked on.

But I still think if for that to be worked on,

you got to leave.

Yeah,

you can't.

Yeah.

I don't think it's fair for you to be a pregnant woman sitting there

dealing with that bullshit.

I taught being a mom.

I don't think it's fair for you to be a pregnant woman sitting there dealing with that bullshit on top of being a mom on top of dealing with his own personal issue. And him being unfaithful.
Yeah. At this point, it's his issue.
Yeah. This is not your issue.
Right. And you don't deserve it.
So get the hell out. Take a break.
Yeah. Do something.
Honestly. And maybe even just separate for a while and say you need to get there you need to go to therapy work on yourself yeah and be separated for a long time and try that maybe even counseling too and also a while yeah and also my opinion is if he's a good dad he will leave yeah you should not have to leave with your kids yeah move their bedrooms move their absolutely any of that shit and i'm and i, my mom told me that when they – her and my dad broke up after my sister was born, he kicked my mom out.
And she asked him for the trailer they were living in. She's like, can I please have the trailer? Can you go stay with whoever your idiot friends are or whatever the case is until we figure this out? He said no.
And I'm like, dude, that is so fucked. Red flag.
Bro, any guy who is not willing – I don't't care if i actually don't care if the mom did something wrong you're kicking your child you're not you are the guy you're one guy you're one dude and even if she's in the wrong you leave the house yeah let the children have their bedroom let them have that space where they're they know their moms like i and people i know it's probably controversial because like needs to leave. No, no, no.
You don't understand. She's not just a bitch.
She's the mom. Right.
So you need to separate your feelings about her and recognize that and leave the house. Plus, too, you want your children to have a sense of normalcy throughout the whole thing.
Yeah. I can't imagine the guys who make women leave and uproot their children that's weird to me you're gonna kick your you're gonna make your kid leave their bedroom because you and her guys like that like it's like dude what that's gross it's disgusting like no i think every guy who's a real dad i feel really bad for her and i hope that she definitely separates.
pay later with zero percent interest for three months and here's the big one august 29th through september 1st only buy any helmet 319 or more and get a free cardo spirit bluetooth supplies are limited don't wait cycle gear get there start here also call on these massage parts get the place shut down yeah because i'm telling you they are your your your husband is contributing to sex trafficking yeah and you need to shut that shit down because, um, there was a couple in Michigan. Um, my hairdresser literally next door was the same thing.
It was like a happy ending parlor. Like, and I, a few of them got busted and shut down and guess what? They were being sex trafficked.
They lived in the apartments across the street, couldn't drive, couldn't do anything. All they would do was walk across the street and go work.
Wow. wow yeah and a couple of them got busted and shut down and it was proven that they were being sex trafficked and like held against their will so i i hate to say this on top of all the pressure you have lady whoever this is yeah you also have a mandated reporter responsibility absolutely that if you and if you know which ones he went to i'd be calling the police and absolutely and they'll set up a sting'll set up a sting.
They'll figure it out. But you need to tell someone.
Yeah. Because that shit's.
Yeah, it's sad. God damn.
Pregnant? What the fuck is wrong with people? It just blows my mind, dude. Look at.
Damn. Gosh, some of these poor women.
I tell you what. Is that all you're getting? What is the next one? I have a two-year-old and I'm eight months pregnant.
And my husband has told me several times he wouldn't be with me if it weren't for our daughter and this pregnancy because I'm a bitch and an asshole. I've given up my entire life and dreams to be his wife and a stay-at-home mom and I have nothing of my own.
My only break is when I'm doing laundry or taking a shower. In two years, I've only been away from my daughter two times for an hour and a half both times while he works with celebrities and goes to events multiple times a month here in Vegas.
I don't want him miserable hating me, but I'm also one month away from giving birth and I don't know what I don't know what I should do. My soul is broken.
I don't know if he's hating me like this since before I was ever pregnant or if the back-to-back pregnancies made me a bitch and made him hate me. I've completely given up on myself and do everything for him and my daughter and unborn child.
All right. This is where I feel like there's a balance between self-betraying and like, and, and kind of self-maintenance because you're, you're, you're, what I'm hearing is you're literally just betraying yourself over and over and over again.
For the sake of. Especially, first of all, did you sue to say multiple times? He calls her a bitch.
Out of her name. Calls her out of her name.
Bro, that's number one. Number one.
It's so unhealthy. And I think people will say, oh, you're too sensitive or, oh, that's stupid.
No, I'm not kidding. I know when I'm joking and say, oh, don't be a little bitch.
Don't be bitchy. It's different.
You're calling your other person, significant other, spouse, whatever, out of their name. It ruins.
It just destroys all. The foundation.
Yes. It just destroys it.
Why would I ever? It's like, would you ever call your mom out of her name and call her a fucking bitch? Would you your in private like would you ever call your grandma a stupid bitch like i don't care what it is you don't okay well then your spouse like you don't ever why would you want to call them out of their name well and then and if he's and it's so sad because like women that stop everything stop working everything to be a stay-at-home mom and to raise kids um and now you're saying that you don't love me and you hate me and that you're only with me because of the kids um unfortunately then they're left like they have nothing they have no money they have no form of showing proof of income so and so you have to feel very very stuck i mean bullshit and so the only thing that i can think of is if you have any family, reach out to family. Also, I would go to the state.
I would reach out to the state. Try to help with getting funds or finding places to live.
See, but I think she'd have to leave first. Satan can help her unless you leave.
So then she would have to lean on family and friends. Because literally these women have nothing.
Dude. And that's what's crazy because I think people get it twisted where it's like like i see some i see some of these like even some people on tiktok like the creators they're like um oh wow must be nice to her stay at home mom and they show themselves working like oh and they're like i have you know i have no problem like my man comes home to a cooked meal and a clean house and all this other shit that's great great if it works.
Yeah. However, in this instance, this is proof that a woman could do everything, quote unquote, right.
And the right way to do it. And if he gets a little fucking sick up his ass.
Right. Now your whole sacrifice is gone.
Yeah. In a blink of an eye because this guy had a whatever he had.
Something happened. But that's not fair.
feel like i don't in this or who knows when he's calling her a bitch are you maybe maybe she's got an attitude why maybe because billy was throwing a fit all damn day she couldn't get anything or who knows yeah he was you know like raising kids is stressful and when you're doing it 365 you know every single day your life, it's emotionally draining, physically draining. Sometimes it's just exhausting, and it sounds like to me that she doesn't ever get a break.
She mentioned the two times that she did. Which that's resentment.
I feel like she's bitter there, and she should be. Yeah, and so of course you're going to be overwhelmed as hell.
and as parents we need to have a break every now and then just to like you know re, we need to have a break every now and then just to like,

you know, re,

we need to have a break every so, why am I something

on my words? Every now and then as parents,

we need to have a break so that way we can

just reset our mind.

Yes. Here's my thing though.

I want to make it very clear.

A shower is not a fucking break.

Okay.

Reading a book in the bath is not a break. I want to make it very clear.
A shower is not a fucking break. Okay? Yeah, it's fucked up.

Reading a book in the bath is not a break.

Yeah.

Folding laundry.

I just like, yeah, going to do laundry is not a break. I think, especially for stay-at-home moms, don't get it twisted.

Personal hygiene is not a break from being a mom.

It's a fucking necessity. You got to take a shit? Yeah.
you know what i mean you gotta brush your teeth yeah that these are things that are not considered and when people say oh i get the only breaks i get is when i have to shower what the fuck yeah that's not a break that's not a break any mom out there no and if this guy's if this guy's telling you that's a break it's considered a break asshole, dude. Like, what? And any moms out there that have their kids 365, 24-7 know that even if you're just trying to take a bath, those crotch goblins are banging at the door wanting to get in the bathtub with you, too.
Or even when you're going to the bathroom. They're like, what are you doing in there? Yeah, I'm like, I'm just trying to pee.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think that right there goes to show like i hate that that thought process that she somewhere in her life someone made her believe that taking a shower is a break it's sad and that is just it was probably him i have a feeling it was i think i think she needs to separate because if you were to i feel bad we're talking about these people to separate but dude you're in also, going to Vegas, celebrities.
So that right there is like, what's going on? You clearly have enough money. They must live in Vegas, probably.
All right, got it. But there's enough money to maybe get.
Well, then hopefully you've been married long enough so you can divorce his ass and take half of it all. Because if my husband was looking at me saying, you're a bitch and I wouldn't be with you if it wasn't for the kids, I'd be like, I'm fucking gone.
Then why am I here? Yeah, gone. Here's my thing too is you think – It's so degrading.
You think that someone staying with you for the sake of the kids is a win, not a win. No.
You lost already. And I think people get it so twisted.
Oh, I'm going to stay with them for the kids. You ain't doing shit for your kids but showing them how to not operate in a healthy way in a relationship that's all you're doing you think it's it's not it's not good yeah it's not good because the kids may not even if you don't argue in front of the kids they can still sense the tension and energy they pick it up way better than adults so you're thinking process of like oh we'll stay together for the kids even though i hate this woman i hate this guy but i'll say with the kids you're you're you're it process of like, Oh, we'll stay together for the kids.
Even though I hate this woman, I hate this guy, but I'll say with the kids, you're, you're, you're, you're, it's, you already lost. Stop.
Because you're not doing your kids any favors. And I know how you just said to you like, Oh my God, I feel bad.
We're telling everybody to leave. Well, the one guy is getting happy ending massages and this guy's calling you a bitch and saying that he doesn't, if it wasn't for the kids.
Yeah. So those are both reasons why you should, when he says, I wouldn't be you if it wasn't for the kids yeah so those are both reasons why you should when he says i wouldn't be you if it wasn't for the kids that pretty much there's no other message to take away from that then you don't want to be with me yeah it's sad like what okay well i'm gonna make it super fucking easy for you and i'm out right you know like dude but that's the thing though is like it's super hard when you know you don't work you haven't worked and you have no you know none of your own money or any of those things like i really really hope that you have some family that you can lean on and here's my kind of thing i feel like in society i feel like i see a lot of men manipulating women in a way to make them think it's honorable stay at home mom i'll work don't work i'll take care of you if you do xyz and take care of me see and as long as you have like a really good down-to-earth man who really believes that awesome it is intentions but then you have some of those narcissistic guys like this guy it sounds like where it's like if you're not doing things right or he comes home and you have a little bit of an attitude because you've been overwhelmed with everything.
And he thinks a break is a shower. Right.
That's wrong. It is.
And my thing about it is, is that you're like, it's not, I just don't, I see it happen where it's like, and then the girl goes, oh, I feel pride and honor. I'm a stay at home mom.
I don't have to make money. I take pride in making a hot meal every, you know, all those things.
But when it comes down to it, why do you feel so much pride in it? Because he's telling you you should feel pride for it. He's telling you that it's what a, you know what I mean? Like, so it's like in a way of like how, what a bullshit trap.
Yeah. In a way, like for a guy to, and I'm talking, I don't talk about real genuine guys who like you said, but like the ones who like a real genuine guy is not gonna call you a bitch no not gonna think that taking a shower is a break from being a mom like those certain things like and so it's it's sad to see women almost fall for this trap of like could because i'm edified even in society like you i'm talking about them i was talking earlier about the tikt who are like, my man making my man a lunch.
Or she wakes up earlier to make him a – yeah. To make him lunch for work.
And I'm saying that's cool. If that feels good for you, great.
But for anyone else out there who is not feeling that real love and feeling like you're some kind of servant, that's what it reminds me of and i swear to god i i that is the last thing that i think normal guys don't want i don't think normal guys want a servant an extra mom uh to baby them i don't think men want women to do that for them there are some out there i think you're you're fucked up. Yeah.
I think you're a bitch.

I think you're a little bitch.

Yeah.

Because like.

Because you know what's funny is like I've seen the ones kind of what you're talking

about where she's like my husband gets up at six so I get up at four.

Yeah.

And I make his coffee.

Yes.

And I make his lunch.

I'm like fuck no.

Make your own fucking coffee bro.

I'm not.

You know like it'd be different.

I don't know it's different.

Like you said like obviously if you had to work you know like had to get up early i would totally make lunch for you and i wouldn't mind doing that but i'm not getting up at four to make you fucking coffee babe here's the thing though and and but see as a guy who genuinely loves you i would never expect you or shame you into oh i know thinking you you know yeah i would so i don't care if i do gotta get up at four in the morning or five in the morning. I would never, ever in my life would I ever expect my wife to get up an hour earlier than I have to just to make me coffee or make me a lunch.
Like if anything, I love you so much. Please sleep.
I'll go make the money. You don't have, if you don't have to get up at four in the morning, please don't.
I'll make you dinner when you get home. Yeah, because you're with the kids and I'm out.
So like I think any normal dude, I actually would, like say if we, that happened and like you got up earlier and made me sobbing, thank you so much. Don't ever do this again.
Do you know what I'm saying? Like I appreciate you so much, but don't ever do this again because now I feel, I don't know. I feel guilty.
I would feel guilty. I know some guys don't feel guilty and I get it, but I don't know.
I just feel like, I don't know. I feel like this old, like archaic family dynamic unit thing where stay at home moms cook and clean and everything.
And God, I just feel like something about it just rubs me the wrong way. I don't know why.
And maybe it's because I was raised by a single mom. So seeing her, I couldn't imagine.
My mom never served any guy that she dated well yeah and I think that and I do think like some women out there it does bring them joy to do those things and if that's something that does bring you joy to cook and clean for your family and your husband absolutely do it whatever brings you joy if it's building resentments fucking stop which clearly with this girl I think she is building resentments because she talks she mentions twice yeah she's doing all the things and he's calling her a bitch yeah she's mentioning twice too that she only has been away from her kid twice and for an hour and a half yeah for an hour and a half which i don't know what that means but right i think at that point especially with stay-at-home moms i think you demand i get two days a week to do something nails done right fucking coffee with my girlfriend and whatever yeah yeah going to bar night i think i really think two nights is good and i think those two nights are the nights that the guy has to stay with the kids absolutely that's like you know when you get your hair done you're gone for all day yeah i got the kid you know the your birthday setting up your nail appointment that was important for me because i because I wanted to guarantee that you had that happening. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Because you'd go so long without having them done. Yeah.
You know what I mean? I'm like, this isn't fair. So there are certain things where it's like, I don't know.
I just feel like, why would you want your woman to be such a slave at home? Like, does that make you feel, I don't... It wouldn't make me feel good at all.

I would not like it.

Well, thank God you're a good guy

and you have a good heart

because there's...

You know what I mean?

Honestly, to me,

I think it's unattractive.

In a way.

Yeah.

I know that's counter-cultural,

but I think...

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Like, oh my god, or one of the things she listed, she was making, one of those sourdough moms, she was making bread and you know how the TikTok videos will have the right stuff as bread. Uh-huh.
Well, she writes and she says that, you know, she makes her, say, home or packed lunch in the morning for my husband. And then it goes hot meal when he comes home from work.
Dinner served to him first plate. Oh.
I serve my kids first. Mind blown.
Okay? I'm going to tell you right now. And maybe everyone can disagree.
I serve my kids first. I'm a father, and I'm a husband.
And I'm telling you right now, I'm not getting my plate. I wouldn't expect my plate to be done for me before my kids.
Oh, yeah. What the fuck is on? That's the first thing I do is I get my kids' plate.
Me and you are chop, chop, chop, chop, little pieces, little pieces. And then there's two plates, and then when they're sitting down, down then we get ours and i feel like i don't know why that's so that seems so weird to me where it's like he always gets the hot plate or the first hot serve plate and then get it your goddamn so i'm like wait so you're actually preparing multiple plates because you got to cut you got to make your husband's plate right first before the kids yeah how about we have multiple kids two adults you work on one kid's plate i'll work on the other kid's plate and then after they're sitting at the table we get our plate yes and then boom and i think as a parent i'm like i would never expect me to eat first before my kids that's yeah that's and i don't know if that's Hey, break.
Rare or not. Break.
I just found out your niece has hand, foot, and mouth. So, our kids were supposed to go over there today and I'm about to tell Absolutely not.
Stay away from me. What the f- Okay, my kids cannot come to your house then.
It is highly contagious.

Veda had it like three years ago, and she had sores in her mouth and in her throat. Hell no.
Stay away. Stay far away.
Don't come over. Hopefully that's not what you have on you.
No, these are itchy bites, like mosquito bites from working in the yard. We're texting her.
We can talk about this later, but Lexus just texted me and said she has hand, foot, and mouth disease.

No.

The kids cannot go to her house.

It is highly contagious and super painful.

See?

We're trying to come work and we got...

I know.

Seriously, that's why I'm like, how do people go away?

All of a sudden, your niece is like, I have hand, foot, and mouth mouth my kids are supposed to go there today i'm like the fuck you are no well deal with that crisis please do not take my kids over there no it was horrible they'd had like three years listen you weren't even you were gone and i didn't know um i didn't know that it got like that i thought it was just like like i thought it was just like a little like a rash or something i didn't know i didn't know she had them in her mouth and in her throat she couldn't even drink water she would drink water and scream in pain it was the worst and then where was i in california with my grandma's i don't know where you were um i don't remember but um yeah it was the worst absolute worst thing that i've ever experienced in my life and And then Raya got it, but not as severely as Veda had it. Like she just got bumps on her hands.
But then I remember like three weeks after we were all over the hand, foot and mouth thing, all of the tops of Veda's nails started peeling off. And I remember I freaked out.
I was like, what the hell is going on? That's like a symptom. Yeah.
And I Googled it and it said one of like, it's a rare symptom of it, but it can happen. It's like all the tops and layers of our nails were peeling off.
So do not take my kids to her house. Do not.
Oh my God. I will freak out.
That would suck to come home to. Oh, all right.
Sorry. Kids.
This is why I'm like, how do people go places? I need to tell my mother-in-law do not take my kids anywhere I know I need to connect with Kale and get her nanny's number or something seriously I don't know how she does this shit god well I thought that we were going to be able to get to the card game today of answering questions but I feel like we have taken so much time oh the questions yeah for me and you I know, for me and you. I know.
But maybe we can do this. We're here for a couple days, so maybe we can do that on our next solo after we film with these adoptings and such.
Oh, okay, yeah, true, true, true. Because I'm excited about this.
I feel like it's a good way to. You never really did it before.
No, and I feel like it's a good way to open up conversation and ask just different questions that a lot of people in relationships don't think to ask. So I'm excited to do it.
And we've never seen these before. So this is all these questions.
And it's different levels of questions. What does that mean? What do you mean different levels? So there's level one, level two, level three.
Level one is perception. Level two is, if I can get it out of here without reading them, connection.
And then level three is reflection. So perception, connection, reflection.
And it's called We're Not Really Strangers Couple Edition. So I think it'll be interesting.
And I think we just randomly pull them. All right.
And um i feel like it could bring up different conversations and we can talk about each of the questions you know what i mean that'll be interesting yeah i'm excited for it actually like i said like even after being 18 years together there's still some times where one of us will say something and i'll be like i never knew that i wish i could remember what it was right god it was just a couple days ago i was was like, babe, I never knew that. Like, what? That is true.
What was that? What was it? Someone growing up or something? Yeah, I don't remember. Something that you experienced or something like that.
And I'm like, oh, what? Yeah. Oh, anyway.
But it's funny. 18 years and we're still finding out.
But also, I'm sorry, for every question that we asked, that we answered today about some of these ladies, please, please, please get a support system. Please seek some therapy just for yourself.

Yeah.

And definitely lean on family and friends and get away from these

sucking misogynistic assholes.

I'm sorry, but they all sound disgusting.

And also, I also would also like go back in time

and ask yourself if you saw any red flags.

Did you hear any red flags? Did anything stick out to you to you because i'm telling you i see such a high pattern even with our friends and stuff where there was a red flag a year ago and you ignored it something where either your lust was too so powerful it was making you blind i don't know but there are always like red flags and i think some red flags are less uh you know less severe than others but just still clock them you know i'm saying yeah try to go back in time um because i will say i think there's a lot of things that even when we were young but we were so young i think people like we were so young that we were still growing up and learning things so i think we made a lot of mistakes yeah and i think we both had a lot of red probably red flags we. We would consider red flags back then.
Naturally, we were kids.

Yeah.

But I think at our age, if you're dating, you know, over the age of 25 or even mid-20s, like, oh, man. We're all old.
If the red flags are still there, you know what I mean? Then something's going on. I don't know.
Just pay attention to it. Yeah.
Don't ignore it because. So if anybody is out there that um wrote these questions to us please reach out on the k and ty the k and ty break it down instagram page shoot us a message i would love to know like how things are going if there is or if you want us to like speak on anything other details you know we will yeah but please definitely if you hear this like reach out um because i would love to know you know kind of what's going on or an update if things have changed or you know so i feel bad i'm i feel like i'm kind of concerned a little bit yeah because i feel like how many more how many more women specifically are sitting there at home feeling like this dude that's sad this is fucked up and as women come on now we are all badass bitches stand up and use your fucking voice like i'm gonna scream it from the rooftop i always with my girls i'm gonna be like don't you ever you call shit out as you fucking see it like do not um and i i don't know i always tell no though it's always funny because i'm always like listen your body can grow organs grow bones grow cells create human beings and then deliver those human beings into the world and then keep them alive from your body right i'm like there is no other powerful thing that a human can do but a woman but.
But a woman. So please understand that you are – Oh, believe me.
She knows because she would be able to do that. I know.
Does she? Yeah. No, I heard her.
We were at the beach or something like that. And she was like – and some boy, they were playing.
And he was like, boys are stronger than girls. And she's like, you're a liar.
And he was like, no, I'm not. And she said, we grow bones.
We grow grow bodies and then deliver them i'm guarantee you that i'm stronger than you and i'm just like yeah well no because yeah the other day too she uh she said something about uh she's like mom isn't it crazy that women like we create an organ and she goes and then we just get rid of it yep and i'm like i know yeah so believe me she listens to everything we say and she's very that's why she always wants to talk to me. She's like, Dad.
Oh, God, yeah. She loves it.
I break it down. I break it down for Nova.
Yeah. And hopefully she kind of.
Hopefully she like. Well, when Veda.
Because I think when Veda gets older. She's starting to get at the age.
I'll say, Veda, go ask your older sister. And I have faith knowing that I taught Nova certain things that she will tell Veda.
Yeah, because Veda's just starting to get the age where she's asking certain questions. Just how nova did they start getting older asking questions and you have to answer them just an age and appropriate level and just the other day veda said um why don't boys have babies in their belly i'm like well they don't have a uterus right a uterus right i'm like a uterus is the right you know what i mean that's where the baby grows and she you tell it and then she was over it though so at that age they kind of ask but i'm not gonna say oh but you know boys don't have the right belly for it i'm not saying i'm like boys don't have a uterus right and then you describe in for yes the real yeah the real and she said what's a uterus i said it's pretty much a little home a little a little space um that baby's growing right and that keeps them alive and safe yep and then she was like, and then she ran off.
Kids are like that. That's like, what was it? Like, I think like a, a month ago, not even a month ago, a couple of weeks ago, Nova asked me, like we were in the kitchen and she was like, mom, uh, she's like, so you know, when you have babies, she's like, do boys stick their nuts into the vagina? And like, we're very open with our kids and we let them drive conversations.
Like Nova knows what sex is and stuff, but she really thought like, she was like, don't they stick their balls in the vagina? And in her mind, she was like, that's where the sperm is. So that's what you would put up in there.
And I said, no, I'm like, actually, I said, you know, you put the penis in the vagina. And she was like, what? And then her face was like, what? She's like, that's gross.
I said, I know. I said, but it's because the balls hold the sperm.
Yes. But the penis shoots the sperm into the vagina.
And she's like, well, how do you get it up there? And I was like, well, you kind of got to do things to make it firm. And she was just like, ew.
She's like, I'm never having sex. And I'm like, that's right.
You know you know good no yeah i'm like absolutely and i think it's it's funny because even when she says it i'm like listen your thoughts you may change yeah i said i know i know it's really gross right now but right it comes to a point where you you're you might it might change and that's also okay right and people may hate on us i hate they do hate on us but the thing is it's like we have no but not in front of them. They asked the questions.
Like a few years ago, Nova just thought it was mating. And she was the one who was like, oh, it's mating.
And me and Tara were like, yes, that's what it is. And it clicked for her for a while.
A couple years. You know? That got us.
And we've always just let her drive the conversation. And we've always been honest.
Our children are taught from a very young age that it's a penis and a vagina. It's not a – Dilly-dally and a – And a hoo-ha.
Yeah, yeah. Or your vajayjay.
Like we make sure they use the scientific terms, all of that, because God forbid anything were to happen, my kids would know and say, hey, Johnny stuck his penis in my vagina. Right, right, right.
Or so-and-so touched my vagina. Yeah.
Like, you know, so I want them to be aware of it scientifically. And our kids just have always drove always drove the conversations and i feel like and i also do feel like if you're talking to your kids from a young age about sex and things like that like obviously nova was comfortable enough to come up to me and ask me do you shove balls in a vagina and what no when you think about though her thought process pretty legit yeah she knows that's where sperm is no i know of course but when you think about it like oh it makes sense the sperm's here so we shove that in there right because she even said that she even said that um and i think it's important because it just goes to show like if you're slowly having the conversation when they're little then it just becomes comfortable so that way when she is 18 or 19 or 17 and she's feeling the urges to want to have sex i'm confident she'll come and talk to me about it and what matters.
It is. Yeah.
The safety. You need to feel safe to talk to somebody about it.
No shame. So thanks, guys.
First of all, I want to say thank you to the people that were vulnerable enough to write to us and ask us questions. Thank you.
I'm really sorry about what you're going through. I hope you have a support system you can lean on.
Um, and also thanks for listening to this week's episode. Please go like, share, subscribe, rate and review.
Kate and Ty break it down. And remember you can listen to our podcast anywhere that you find podcasts, Spotify, Apple.
Yep. All the good stuff.
And then also to make sure that, uh, you know, we always drop our full video episodes on patreon a few days after the audio drops so go check out our patreon page if you're a person that just likes to watch podcasts which a lot of a lot of people do i realize so we do have the patreon also and uh we'll be talking to you guys next week. This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies.
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click grainger.com, or just stop by. Grainger, for the ones who get it done.