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At the University of Arizona, we believe that everyone is born with wonder.

That thing that says, I will not accept this world that is.

While it drives us to create what could be,

that world can't wait to see what you'll do.

Where will your wonder take you?

And what will it make you?

The University of Arizona.

Wonder makes you.

Start your journey at wonder.arizona.edu.

One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, rock.

Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock.

Oh, damn, I'm totally not going to make that meeting.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Thank you to Bill Haley in the fuck comments.

Parentheses, clean version for that catchphrase submission.

Submitted on January 8th, 2023.

Thank you so much for that.

Just getting around to it.

Hope you're still alive, Bill Haley in the fuck comments.

And I hope you are receiving the thrill to hear your catchphrase submission on the air here.

Unfortunately, it's not going to stick.

But welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week.

My name is Scott Auckerman, the host of Comedy Bang Bang.

I have been the host ever since episode, I'm trying to think, episode one, actually.

I've been the host of this show.

I don't exactly know what that song is, but it's tickling a little itch in my brain.

That's the song I wrote for that movie, Scott's Me, John Williams.

John Williams, and you wrote

for the movie Phantom Menace.

Phantom Menace.

George Lucas came to me and he said, john and i said what and he said would you please write me another one of those great songs space songs space songs yes is the genre it's so nice to meet you john williams have you been hanging around because of the uh the hollywood bowl or you you seem to be there every year even though you're like i'm always there i love i do love to see the uh i saw the king gizzard and lizard wizard show okay i guess i meant the shows that you were participating in oh i love those shows oh you love those shows okay

not so much the ones that you don't participate in but you still go Still go.

I've got seasoned tickets.

Oh, okay, wonderful.

Would you mind if I get out of here?

My car is right.

I actually would prefer you get the fuck out of here.

My boy.

All right.

As we said, growing up in the city.

Yes.

Toodaloo.

Oh, Toodaloo.

Okay.

Wow.

He propelled himself forward through his farts.

Amazing.

So, I mean, this is what happens on Comedy Bang Bang.

It's an open door policy.

Anything can happen.

Although we do know a couple of things are going to happen here today.

Coming up a little later on the show, we have the possible future first lady of a state.

That's very exciting.

So we'll be getting into politics, I would guess.

You know, what's going on with perhaps redistricting and gerrymandering, all sorts of stuff going on in the world of local politics these days.

And why don't we get to our first guest, though?

He's been on the show many times before.

He is a celebrity chef.

Scott, how are you doing?

Oh, I haven't said your name yet.

So, what's your name to be?

It's a celebrity chef.

It's close.

Merrick Close.

Not really.

Go ahead.

I'll let you do your thing.

You got to do it.

Okay, I'm going to do it.

Please welcome back to the show with Jason Manzukas.

Can I talk now?

You certainly.

Scott, Scott, it's great to be here.

It's wonderful to see you, Adjason Manzukas.

I wanted to ask you this.

I was thinking about this in the car right here.

How the hell have you been?

Thank you so much for thinking of that because no one ever asks you that.

No one does ask me that.

I've been fair to medium.

Thank you so much.

Not unlike the grills I've been cooking out back in my backyard.

Those are fair to medium as well or the temperatures on the steaks that you're.

The temperature is fair to medium.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

I got things fair as a temperature.

I got this whole new system on

a little plug.

I watched Grillin' with the Zeukes on YouTube.

Grilling with the Zeus is your YouTube show.

By the way, for people who have never heard you before, your name is Jason Manzoukas.

You live next door to our good friend Jason Manzoukas.

And that is not my thing.

Yeah, that is, no, that is not your thing.

That's not my thing.

There's more to you than that.

There's more than the man.

I've got a show where I grill.

Where I chase the animals around in my backyard when I catch them, I kill them, put them on the grill.

And at the end of the show,

that's a big part of it.

And at the end of the show, I put

some type of liquor in a bottle or can.

Bottle or a can on the actual grill.

And it blows up.

That's the end of the show.

Well, not only does it blow up, but then it

gets onto the camera lens and then forms into the credits.

Through CGI.

Oh, you've never said that before.

I thought that's the first thing I told you about.

I don't think so.

When I first met, first time I was on the show, you know, in the green room,

you said, hey, how's it going?

You know, I understand you have a show.

Do you have graphics at the end?

I said, of course I have graphics.

That's my first question.

And they're CGI.

They're CGI.

They're CGI.

Okay, I did not know that, which stands for Computer Generated Imagery, which our good friend

John Williams

in that episode one movie.

I don't know if you were here, but John Williams was.

I was, but I kept quiet.

Right up until the moment I said celebrity chef, mere moments before I knew your name.

I knew I had to talk.

Well, welcome back.

Jason Manzukas.

You live next door to Jason Manzoukas.

It's not your thing.

Not my thing.

The thing is, you're a celebrity chef and you hunt the animals in your backyard.

You kill them.

Hunt's a generous word for it.

I mean, we used it.

I know, but

look, here's the thing.

You got to be generous with yourself.

Take what I say with a grain of salt.

A lot like the

steaks I prepare on my grill.

Uh-huh, yeah.

Was that just one grain?

It's a big one, though.

I get grains by the size.

I get bowling ball-sized grains.

Okay, really?

And then I just have to chip them away, you know?

Yeah.

You put the holes in them like a bowling ball, and you hold it over the meat and you hit it with a hammer.

Maybe bowl a few frames with them.

Just let the sticky

alley, sure, the lanes.

Yeah, of course, yeah.

Now, yeah, so we'll, I'll have.

Is there an alley, by the way, in between you and Jason's house?

I've always wondered that.

There's a little alley.

It's a little, well, you know what?

You know where it is.

Where is it?

We have these old houses.

These are pre-war houses.

For which war?

Up in Birmingham.

The Afghan war.

Oh, okay.

Now, these houses, like I said, they're old pre-Afghan war.

Yep.

Our bathrooms empty out into this trough on the side of our house.

It's disgusting.

So it's two separate troughs or because you have two separate houses.

One, I know the houses are separate, but the zoning people, I can get into this if we really want to.

sure yeah i mean i'd love to oh you do want to talk

i yes please it's boring and i will get into it but our yes our toilets all the toilets in our house empty out in this one trough a singular trough a shared communal trough yep and if anyone there's lately there's been some fans of the league down there

scooping up this stuff and selling it on ebay but they might be scooping up your

that's what i'm saying yeah that's what i'm out there explaining to them these are coming from both houses this is uh you know human waste from two different people one of which is on the show you love and i don't blame them him.

It's a great show.

I've seen every episode.

I listen to commentary.

Okay.

Now,

now I say to these people, if you want to come over and just collect from me right before it even gets in the toilet.

Sure, let's eliminate the middleman.

We can do that.

But then they make it clear: no, we don't want any of your waste.

Okay.

So I wonder how they're differentiating between the two.

They're not.

And that's the thing.

I wrote reviews on their eBay page saying this is not, this is mixed.

I mean, half of it's now to write reviews on an eBay thing, you need to have actually purchased an item from them.

You are smarter than you look, Scott.

Yes, you do have to buy them.

And

that's how, yes, okay.

So you've been keeping them in business by buying your own shit back?

Again, keeping in business is very generous.

I bought one just so I could leave the comment.

Okay.

You said comments.

Why is it always this way with you?

It's pick, pick.

Look, I'm sorry.

But it sounds like what they're doing with the feces that come out of your houses.

Yeah, they're fucking me with it.

Okay.

In a way, metaphorically.

I'm picking, certainly.

Yeah, shirtless, certainly.

Shirtless.

Shirtless?

Certainly.

They're doing it shirtless.

I wouldn't be near that trough shirtless.

That's what I tell all the people.

I'd get a hazmat suit and some boots at least.

Sure, yeah.

Get those E.T.

suits.

You ever see E.T.?

The alien?

Yeah, that one.

That E.

I've seen it.

The extra tricks.

Now, what are you getting at?

You want people to dress as E.T.

and get down there?

I don't, not necessarily.

I'm talking about the governmental figures who bad guys i thought those were the bad guys

well i mean i i you know are people bad or are people good that's debatable that's an interesting question

because you think about all the bad stuff that's going on but the in the world people who are doing the bad stuff they think it's good they probably think that i mean it at least benefits them right yeah benefits their pockets wow i didn't really want to get in we're not going to get political that's a lot later in the show no no no uh but i'm glad you had me here scott what do you oh is this it what do you need from me i don't

i mean i want to talk to you for i'm good you're a guest on the show do you have anything new coming out with the show these days that is a great question that's exactly why i'm here oh well you don't remember last time i was talking about my tour my bike tours your bike tours uh i'm surprised you remember the thing about the graphics to be honest with you

that stuck with me

somehow bike tours didn't uh it was kind of a tossed off thing of the ass last time okay uh i take the bike you know i get out some bikes uh three bikes at a time and i take them out and they're all hooked together and it was causing accidents are they they side by side or are they kind of?

I mean they're in

a triangle, like a wide triangle.

Triangle.

How do they move if some of the if they're in a triangle and they're the wheels are in different directions?

Well, they're facing the same way.

We had that part right.

Okay.

They're off, but they're

welded together.

I don't know if you know much about welding, but they're welded together.

I mean, I know what the word is.

That's what you're like me.

Okay.

So those were just crashing all the the time.

We were getting a lot of lawsuits, a lot of money, and my time, which is, you know, I'm Tom Poor, my time spent in these legal.

Well, I mean, you have a thriving business.

I have multiple thriving businesses and books and the TV show.

And now my new movie that I'm trying to get going, that's what I'm talking about.

What's the new movie?

It's a, well, it's...

I'm going to say it's Spider-Man.

You're going to go, that exists, but it's not exactly Spider-Man.

Okay, in what way does it differentiate from Spider-Man, a trademarked property?

Now, what do you know about Spider-Man?

What would you say the Spider-Man thing is?

I guess his thing is that he's better when he's not married.

Oh, wait, no.

That's not it.

Please, Spider-Man fans, don't come at me again.

I don't know what that means.

Okay, well, you got to be reading my issues

in order to understand that.

Sure, sure.

But no, his thing is he's Peter Parker.

He's a 15-year-old boy who gets bitten by a spider who's radioactive.

He then gets the power

of spiders, I guess.

And then his uncle gets shot and he learns like, oh, I shouldn't be an asshole.

I should that's my, that's what I'm, that's what I have in mind.

And we go off from there.

Oh, okay.

So it's not just.

Oh, okay, so it starts there exactly?

It starts right there, basically.

That stuff all happens to my Peter Parker.

We call him Peter Parker.

Mine do.

Okay, great.

But it's all about, I got this idea.

I was down at Hollywood Boulevard where they have Shrek walking around and Batman and Captain Brown's Chinese theater.

And I saw Spider-Man.

I said, now what if this guy?

Hollywood Facts.

What if he was

on screen?

The Spider-Man down there.

You mean the Spider-Man guy who walks around in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater?

That's right.

What if he was taking pictures with fans and signing autographs?

Yeah.

What if he was on screen instead of walking around outside?

As Spider-Man, but the whole story is about his.

As I'm saying it now, Scott, Scott, it's just not working for him.

I mean, I'm going to have to repeat.

it.

I got to say that.

But the idea is we get a guy from down there, you know, a person who has

no real experience acting, but we throw him in a movie and see what happens.

Okay.

I mean,

that part of it sounds interesting.

That is interesting.

But you get them in there with the Spider-Man stuff.

Okay.

Everybody likes Spider-Man from the smallest baby to the oldest grump.

So like one of the grumpy old men, like Walter Mathow and Jack Lemon when they're in the middle of the idea I had, getting those two guys reanimated.

Reanimated.

okay so you know they're dead damn do I

so you want to reanimate them using some sort of like futuristic technology I say futuristic because I don't know that it exists at this point getting people back yeah well I believe uh John Lennon did it once

you're a fan of the show okay

so you're a fan of the comedy bang I love the show I listen to I usually listen to my episodes and then I just let it play so I've listened to the whole thing I've listened to

10 years 11 16 but uh who's counting?

Not you.

Not me, because, boy, I remember listening to that 10-year one, and that feels like it was yesterday.

That is

scary stuff.

It actually feels 20 years ago to me.

Well, that's interesting, isn't it?

Isn't it weird?

The way Thomas is.

Isn't it queer?

You with your hands in the air.

I wouldn't know what show is that?

What show or what song?

Because two very different answers.

Give me them both.

Okay.

The song is Send in the Clowns.

The show, a little night night music.

By a gentleman by the name of Steven Sondime, the premiere.

Who's that?

Hello, Scott.

I heard you.

I heard you talking about English people.

I'm so sorry.

I was out here trying to.

John Lennon, we just mentioned you.

I know.

I heard my friend John Williams was around here.

Oh, you know John Williams?

Yeah, I heard his car making, choking, and making some problems, so I said, I worked out that I'll help him.

And then I was like, all right, whose voice is that?

Oh, Scott.

So wonderful to see you, John Lennon.

You haven't met on the show in a minute.

Yeah, I think

for about a year, I think you saw us on the road.

What a year it was.

What a year it's been.

We've had some changes, wouldn't you say?

Cha-cha-cha changes, to quote your good friend David Bowie.

I was good friends with him.

I haven't talked to him.

Well, he passed away.

I'm trying to get him back.

Yeah, you should.

I mean, for those of you who don't know, John Lennon, you just died in 1980.

December of 1980.

Right after the football game was on, I remember.

I believe the news of it preempted Little House on the Prairie, and I was very upset.

Bring that back.

geez it is coming back next year wonderful another wonderful year so in any case uh you died uh five years later you decided you wanted to come back to life yeah then you've been alive you've been on the show many times been on the show many times you and i have uh formed a relationship close to a friendship i think it's as close as you can in this as adjacent as adjacent manzoukas is to jason manzoukas i'll be in the bathroom Okay, see you later.

I just wanted to make sure the audience knows where he is.

Oh, okay, great.

So you prodded him to say that.

Yes, I poked him.

Okay, so in any case, John, what's been going on with me?

I guess, or with anyone, it's been the summertime.

I'm not going to tell you other people's stories.

Okay, well, then let's stick to you.

The summertime, you know, I'm trying it again.

Summertime, summertime, summertime, summertime.

I guess.

Have you ever heard that song, John?

Yes, I have.

I helped write it.

A lot of Beatles songs have that whole thing about it: like summertime, summertime, some, summertime.

We went through this whole phase.

Summertime, like every Beatle song kind of sounds like that.

When I'm 64, summertime.

Summertime.

What I'm 64.

You know, we'd like to be into a yellow submarine.

Surrounding.

Some, summertime.

Some, some you all live in a summer, summertime.

Right.

Every Beatles song just kind of is like that.

And I do want to apologize.

I've been going around.

I've been taking talking tours and sort of apologizing for some of the Beatles a lame songs.

Oh, have you?

Really?

Okay, so which ones?

Are we talking Octopus's Garden?

That one.

Hey, Jude.

Everything from.

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

It's It's like, guys, you've got the write something.

Yeah, like,

what lyrics could it possibly be?

Like, Jude, you are sitting there sad.

Right.

I want to make you happy.

It's some, some, summertime.

Summertime.

Bam.

What do you think of them beach boys?

You know what I mean?

Like, they made a whole career writing songs about their one hobby, surfing.

Right.

It's like I stamp collect.

I'm not sitting there like writing 20 million songs about it.

I like to hear some of those.

But you're right.

Our whole thing was we loved hands.

We loved holding hands.

Yeah.

I want to hold your hand.

Right.

That was a hobby, but we were like, we can't do a career.

No, I mean, how many songs could you possibly write about holding hands?

Just the one.

Yeah.

I want to do it.

I want to.

Because once you do it, we were futurists.

Once you do it, you kind of realize like, oh, boy.

I don't know about this.

Oh, boy, this isn't very good.

Yeah.

We had George Martin put filters and stuff on it.

Oh, good.

Oh, that was that the extent of his work for putting filters on stuff right and he got all the music stands he knew where to get those cheap oh good oh well yeah i mean i don't know you got to know a guy with music stands he knew a guy who knew a guy who knew me i was selling him oh to us is that how the beatles got together you were the music stand guy

and you just kind of like sidled up to the band and i was always thinking i was like do i want to hold your what

I want to hold Joe the mind reels as the mind reels thing that's the thing that one could hold and then Ringo who's now become my best friend, ended up sort of leading the band.

He came by and says, well, don't you hold my hand.

Boy, that Ringo wit.

That Ringo wit.

He's still got it.

Sometimes he's getting a little slower, isn't he?

Is he really?

I haven't seen one of his tours recently.

How was it?

No, I haven't seen one.

I'm getting a little old.

If you were to join one of those tours, I would definitely go to it.

He's asked me, and I've said, you know, thanks so much.

I'll go to watch, but I can't every night on stage.

Yeah, why?

You just.

You wear and tear on your fingers playing guitar.

Because in the five years you were dead, you lost the calluses.

Right.

Your skin gets you can't make those cords anymore.

Your skin's beautiful.

And that's the thing with dead body's in a casket.

The skin gets impeccable, but you can't dig them up.

They think you're nuts.

Right.

Yeah.

Hell, John.

I'm going to get out of here.

Okay, well, I wonder if Jason Manzucas is coming back out of the bathroom.

I'm back.

Scott, I was just in the bathroom.

John, before you go.

Did somebody need me?

Did you get your guitar back from Ringo?

Yes, Scott.

The one with the skeleton whammy bar.

Yes, and I have it.

I have it in the car, but I got to go.

I understand.

Play us a song next time.

Next time, I'm going to bring it.

I know I'm going to bring it.

It's going to be in tune.

It's going to be great.

Okay, see you later, John.

Bye, John.

Jason, I'm so sorry about that.

That's fine.

I got a bathroom break.

How did your bathroom break go?

Don't get into that.

See, that's where you don't need to take this show, Scott.

Asking about people.

I beg your pardon.

That is a little personal.

Speaking of personal, so you did we talk about your movie?

Oh, yeah, Spider-Man.

Spider-Man.

Yeah, that's going to get going.

I'm here.

Yeah, you're here talking about another show or something you were saying.

No, let's go back to the Spider-Man thing.

That's all I really care about.

I have so many meetings.

Actually, I want to ask you about this because I've had meetings with every studio head.

Okay, yeah.

Because they've seen the Zeukes show, Grill with Zeus.

They said, oh, we're going to get in business with the guy.

When you go in to pitch a movie, are you dressed as the character?

I mean, you definitely can do that because there's no law against it.

I mean, it's sort of Air Bud rules, I think.

Oh, if there's nothing in the rule book, then you just go ahead and do it.

Air Bud would be interesting to have in this movie, too.

With Spider-Man?

Why not?

Why not?

I mean, spiders and dogs don't get along.

Is that true?

I don't know, you know, but have you ever seen a thing?

Yeah, you think...

Have you ever seen a dog bark at a spider?

Yeah.

So there you go.

There you go.

But I've seen dogs have

sparked at me, too.

Barked at me.

That's right.

Now, have you ever barked at a spider?

I try not to.

Yeah.

But it's bad luck.

You know, we've been bad luck, but is it really?

I mean, because we've all done it.

We all do it.

You wake up the next morning and feel everything.

Head still there, hands on.

I'm fine.

Yep.

So you're going to dress up like who?

Spider-Man or man.

Airbud.

Airbud might be good, or maybe the coach of Airbud just because it's a little more noise.

Who's the coach?

Because I saw that a couple years ago on my other show.

Maybe Paul Giamatti.

Paul Giamatti was the coach in Airbud.

I don't know.

He's in singles.

That's what I'm thinking of.

Okay.

I just, I got confused because in Airbud, there's one single dog.

Yeah.

Something single.

Oh, right.

It's not a single dog.

Singles.

Singles is the title thing.

I'm not a big bulgiamati who's got one line in singles.

That's what I was thinking.

Okay, yeah, got it.

Great to see you, Ajason Manzukas.

It's been wonderful to be here.

And you have no other news other than this.

I got, oh, my God.

Did I tell you I got married?

No.

This past week.

With whom?

This past week I got married.

This is the honeymoon we're on now.

What?

Who did you get married?

Look out the window.

She's right there.

Wave to her.

Oh, I don't know who that is.

That's Becky Klein.

Becky Klein.

She's a solo free climber.

Oh, okay.

And how coincidental that her name would be.

I thought you were saying, how cool is that?

I don't know.

I really don't know.

Oh, yeah.

Coincidental.

She changed her name.

Oh, to Kleim.

Right.

Oh, or I thought you meant to Becky.

Her first name was Rebecca.

Oh, okay.

I said, change it to Becky.

That's more.

People know Becky.

Right.

So she's a free climber.

What exactly is free climbing?

Free climbing is climbing.

Without a rope or something.

Exactly right.

Without a trapeze net.

No trapeze net, no rope.

You are allowed climbing shoes and a chalk bag.

Okay, and chalk is to make your hands more

grippy, not slippy.

You want grippy, not slippy.

That's where she's getting a sponsorship.

Right.

Sponsorship.

You're just waving out a rope.

What is the highest thing?

I love her, Scott.

What's the highest thing she's ever climbed?

Well,

hopefully.

Or is she just going to be home?

She's on the honeymoon.

Okay, but I don't want to get into that.

She has climbed

Mount Everest.

So three inches.

Like yourself.

Wouldn't you just love to know how big my cock and balls are?

I try to find it out from all our guests.

I know, man.

And you only know.

Sometimes I can just come straight out and ask, and sometimes I got to be a little sneakier.

Sure.

I'm glad you went to the bathroom, though.

I'll tell you that much.

I did notice a,

there was a sort of a teddy bear doll in there.

Yeah.

And the head with sort of a

sound was moving back and forth.

Yeah.

Oh, you noticed that.

A lot of clicking noises, too.

Yeah, gosh, I got to go to the bottom.

I noticed that.

I said, is this one of those sound machines where

it just goes?

It helps your flow.

That's exactly what it is.

In any case, is she a high climber or a low climber?

Does she climb down low, meaning

she does high mountains, but she goes around the outside of them?

Oh, okay.

She climbs up about four feet, five feet.

And then just does the circumference?

And does the circumference.

So she's not high.

So it doesn't.

She's afraid of heights.

Is that?

Yep.

Okay.

That's exactly right.

So that's why we didn't take our honeymoon to Paris.

We're going to go to Paris.

Oh, because of the Eiffel Tower?

Exactly.

I got us a nice room right up there.

Up in the Eiffel Tower.

Those are the best.

Like the finest French butlers in the country.

Right.

Yeah, it's hard to get the rooms right up at the top, but if you can get one of those, the reservations, you got to be booked years in advance.

Yeah, we booked, well, or a couple months.

It's only a couple of months.

A couple of months we had a coupon for it.

Oh, you had had a group on?

Right.

Or a coupon.

Well, a group on is a coupon.

It is, but did you have other people you were going to go with?

My beautiful wife.

And a lot of her kids wanted to come.

Oh, she has kids.

A lot of them.

How many?

Of her kids, well, let's see.

How many does she have that are not her kids?

She's got a few that are just kind of blended in.

She doesn't have a heart to get rid of them.

Wow.

I said, you know what?

I'm missing a few from my

team, my crazy eight.

Oh, yeah.

The crazy eights is your

film, my production group.

Your production group.

Well, they all went on strike.

Oh, why?

They said the working conditions were god-awful and dangerous.

And I don't blame them.

Those some of those bottles that would be breaking and shooting all over the place did some serious damage.

Right.

I'm so sorry.

So, are you shut down?

I mean, no, no, we just using scabs.

Furloughed them using scabs.

Yeah, that's YouTube.

Nobody cares.

That's all right, I guess.

I only answer to one executive.

Oh, who's that?

Bank of America.

Okay.

All right.

I thought you meant God.

But

so

she has a ton of kids.

What is that like?

You're now a new stepfather, I guess?

It's fun.

I'm getting, I'm meeting them.

You're meeting them still.

You're still in the meeting phase.

Still in the meeting phase.

I said, do they need to be on the honeymoon?

They said, well, she said, I'd be more comfortable.

I'm not comfortable alone with you.

Oh, really?

Where did you meet her?

I met her on a mountain.

I was doing a hack.

Okay.

And I saw her scooting around the side.

Scooting around the side.

And I said, would you like like go for a date?

At my campfire, you know, I was camping, so we did a little campfire date.

Okay.

It was nice.

It was nice.

So, you know, so you camped on your first date.

But, you know, I do open carry now.

Oh,

some sort of sidearm?

Okay.

See the two, I got two guns on me the whole time.

And she just feels unsafe because I don't have a license and I'm always kind of winging them around, you know, spinning them.

Oh, okay.

So you're doing gun tricks.

Right.

So she said, well, I want some more of my kids around just so there's other people to protect.

To act as human shields?

She's nuts, and that's why I love her, Scott.

Okay.

I mean,

good luck to you.

Congratulations.

You're the first person to say that to us.

That's not a good sign.

No, I know.

Everyone's giving it.

Everyone's giving it seven months.

I don't know what the seven months came from, but it was a game.

Yeah, really.

Seems like an odd period of time.

Everyone is giving you.

It's like if we invite invite you to the wedding, either come or don't come.

And if you're going to come, you don't need to, after the ceremony, explain to me when you think it's going to break up.

And why?

I guess maybe their point of view is seven months puts you right after Valentine's Day, and that's when a lot of couples tend to break up because either they have fights on Valentine's Day or they don't want to buy Valentine's Day gifts, so they break up right before.

Yeah, this is going to get costly, I do believe.

Probably got to get Valentine's gifts for all those kids, too.

Well, yeah.

Fuck.

You don't want them to be left out, unfortunately.

What's the latest Paw Patrol?

I'll probably get some Paw Patrol.

Go to CVS, get Paw Patrol Valentine's cards and give them to the kids.

Yeah, that's great.

I mean, it's inexpensive.

I should get them now.

I bet they're cheap as hell.

I bet they are, yeah.

You know what you should do is you should get them the day after Valentine's Day each year for the next year.

Now,

it wouldn't, maybe the things on them like Paw Patrol wouldn't be as popular.

Oh, Daddy loves you.

Here's a Darkwing Duck card.

Yeah.

By the way, Popular, Paw, Patrol, Paw.

Popular.

Okay.

Do you think I could write for that show?

I do.

I think you could write for the whoever makes their Valentine's card.

Okay.

Look, I need some side hustles.

My Spider-Man thing.

My Spider-Man.

It's exploded in my face.

I got a feel mine's going too, too.

Yeah.

Well, Jason Manzukas, I,

look, I'm a big fan of your work.

You've seen the show.

I have seen the show.

What was your favorite, because I asked this of all my audience members, of which there are a lot.

What was your favorite grill moment?

Well, the time you couldn't catch anything and and you just kind of sat there staring into the camera.

God, that was desperate.

I said, well, maybe I can catch that worm on the ground slug.

Yeah.

You couldn't even catch the worm.

Well, I wasn't putting my heart into it because I said, you know, what are we going to grill worms?

Just throw the champagne on the thing.

Let's get out of here.

That's a good point.

Yeah.

But that's my favorite episode.

It was just so morose and just because you got to really meet the who

a Jason is.

Yeah.

And didn't like it, but I welcomed the opportunity.

Now, did you not like it because of how how stripped down and it was just me?

It was a little like it was unplugged or something like that.

You know what I mean?

Anytime I would watch that show, it's like guys plug your instruments.

Plug them in.

Because they would have them all plugged in on the guitar end.

They would just go right drop right in the plug.

Then MTV would come out and like, one by one, unplug everything from the amps.

I'm just like, guys, you don't even know what's going on.

The network is like screwing you right now for their own gain.

It worked for Nirvana.

Well, we're not Nirvana, okay?

Yeah.

They sound great.

They sound great doing anything.

We're alien ant farming.

We need our damn ants.

We're fucked with ants.

Well, anyway, great to see you.

Great to see you at Jason Manzuka.

I'll tell you what, can you stick around?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you want me to.

I do want you to.

Coming up, we have a possible future First Lady of Estate.

A possible?

Now, that's interesting.

That, I mean, there's a lot to unpack, and we're going to unpack it.

This is going to be like getting home after a long vacation.

Oh, we're just going to get to unpack things.

You love unpacking things at the end of a long vacation, don't you?

Unpocking all your things.

That's right.

We're going to be doing that.

Stick around.

We will have more adjacent Manzukas.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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You know, when you think about game day,

you might not think Wayfair, right?

I mean, they're two, one's two words and one's one word.

First of of all.

That's confusing right off the bat.

And then they're totally different

letters, although the A's,

there still are two A's, but the G and the M, those aren't in Wayfair and the W and the

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I mean, this is pretty similar, actually.

Game day, Wayfair.

I mean, you might think about it, but one reason you should is because Wayfair, right?

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I mean, when I say I, I mean Kulop.

Kulop ordered a bunch of of holiday stuff.

She ordered a giant skeleton for Halloween,

a rabbit sitting with a ladybug.

That, I guess, that's year-round.

That can just stay out there forever.

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So, Wayfair's not only got stuff for game day, but also has a bunch of holiday stuff that my wife likes.

In any case, Wayfair is your trusted destination for all things game day, from coolers and grills to recliners and slow cookers.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.

Ajason Manzoukas is here.

Coming up a little later, we have a possible future First Lady of a State.

That's very exciting.

I wonder what state.

What state are you from, Adjason Manzoukas?

Me, I'm from the South.

You're from the South.

Yeah, just in general?

No, the South of Ontario, Canada.

Okay.

I live in a beautiful country.

I live in Toronto up there.

Okay, well, that's all right.

Hands up, hands up, nobody move.

Put your

hands up.

I ain't doing nothing.

Jason, is this you?

This is a southern draw.

And you have to do it.

I do not know this southern draw.

This is me over here.

Hands up.

Nobody move.

I've got a taser, and I'm not afraid to use it.

I'm doing it, Scott.

Okay, sorry.

I'll put my hands up if you could please introduce yourself.

You think I'm going to introduce myself as I commit a robbery?

A crime?

You got another thing coming, Mr.

Scott Auckerman.

I am here for your monies.

Oh, I guess we're in the middle of a holdup here.

I don't think I've ever been.

I just said hands up.

Nobody moves.

I just got so much stuff going on in my days these days.

This is just one more.

It's difficult to fit it in.

Yeah, I know.

All the money is in podcasting these days.

So much stuff in my pockets, too.

I was going to say podcast.

I had just been to.

Listen, I command authority over here.

Oh, right.

I have a taser, and I am not afraid to use it.

Okay,

hands up.

My hands are up, and how am I supposed to get you what's in my pockets?

I don't want your pockets.

I want the safe.

Oh, the safe.

Take your she knows about the safe.

The podcast safe.

All the money is in podcast.

Do you mind telling me at least your gender and what your pronouns are?

So I don't have to say that.

Take that mask off.

Yeah, take the mask off.

Who are you talking to?

I thought this might happen.

Peer pressure.

Take the mask off.

off.

I really don't want to.

I really don't want to.

Do it.

Do I have to?

Do it.

Do it.

No, I really don't want to.

If I do, then you might turn me in.

Tell you what, why don't we just, Jason, do you mind promising that we're not going to turn?

I'm good with a truce if we can get to the bottom of this.

Yeah, yeah.

Call a truce.

Yeah.

Who are you?

Let's get that truce.

Well, hello.

My name is Signy.

Signing Godetto.

Signing Daughtetto.

Goddido.

Goddetto.

God deto.

Goddettetto.

Like the rye crackers.

I confess I haven't eaten them, but god deto.

You've never had a godeto?

I've never had a godeto.

A god deto,

no matter how many times you say it, I think

god deto.

I think a C.

I think if we spell it, we might as well figure this whole thing out.

Yeah, G.

G.

That's G for gun, which I don't have.

I have a taser.

You can go a little faster, by the way.

A for anus, it's just what came out.

Okay, ah, that's what it's in, as in what God inspires inside of you.

Okay, so G-A-R.

D.

D.

Like diggity dog.

Okay, great.

E,

as in

annunciate.

Okay.

T,

as in trouble, which was what I am.

And another T, which could be for, T rhymes, yes.

T rhymes with P.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No, P.

T.

P.

Well, T rhymes with P.

T rhymes with.

That's true.

So two T's which rhyme with P in a row, and then O, which is what you should be saying, because oh my, you are in trouble.

I mean, I usually say it when I have my O face when I'm

cautious, interruptus.

All right, all right.

So take me to the safe.

All the money's in podcasting these days, and I am looking forward to it.

All right, Sydney.

You want some of the money from the safe?

What about the coins?

What about the I'll take anything?

I'll take anything if you have any Susan B.

Anthony coins, anything, rad pennies, anything specific.

Yeah, I I have my stamp collection too.

And some handwritten notes about how to turn it into songs.

No.

That's probably the most valuable stuff in there, at least like in a future sense.

I don't think I want any of the memorabilia stuff.

It's not necessarily memorabilias, it is

shares of future royalties.

Is this a full libretto?

Oh, I mean, I wouldn't call it a libretto necessarily.

This is a book.

It's the book and libretto.

That's what I was going to say.

Yeah,

I wanted to write the whole thing, kind of make it an opportunity.

I just want the cash.

I want the money.

I want the money you got from your podcast deals.

Mark Maron, he's the second richest man in America.

You know, Mark Maron?

I've met Mark Maron.

Yeah, he's going.

Is he getting canceled?

Or not cancel.

He's going away.

I think he's not only getting canceled, but he is then going away.

He's made enough money and now he's retiring.

Well, why don't you go?

Yeah, go rob him.

Well, I just might.

That'll mean he goes back to his show.

I just mobbed.

I happened to be in the area, and so I thought I'd stop by here first.

By the way, I think those snipers are still on the roof

when he interviewed Obama.

So

it's probably better you're over here.

Well, that's the express reason why I did not bring a gun.

I brought a taser and I'm not afraid to use it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Come on.

Don't hit me with that thing.

So you just watch out.

Listen, I hot radio.

I hit up them.

I hot the money.

Wondering, podcasting, I wonder where all the money's coming from.

Do head gum.

Do head gum.

Head gum

makes my head hurt because I'm so poor.

Okay.

I would maybe

match this up a little bit?

Yeah, what if it's something like head gum?

You'll get as much money if you put, you know, if your head is made of gum and you stick it into a safe.

Something like that because you come out and all the, you know, you'd have to rework the phrase, but

you'd have to rework rework the entire sentence.

I'm willing to say that mine wasn't very good, but I don't think yours was better.

Hey, nobody move.

I said nobody move.

Yeah, why are you doing your calisthenics right now?

Like I said, Sydney said not to move.

I am time poor.

I need to.

You got to fit it in.

I understand.

Sydney was Sydney.

Sydney.

Signe.

And the last name I completely denied.

Gaudetto.

G-A-R-G-E-T-T-O.

I am the heir to the Gaudetto Fortune.

Now you're not.

What?

The heiress to the gardeto fortune?

The heiress to the gardeto fortune.

Yeah.

You know, there was a time when everybody loved eating gaudettos.

By the way,

why do we need to put S on the end of air?

You know what I mean?

Why do we need to genderize, you know,

getting money from our fucking parents?

You know what I mean?

Thank you.

You know what I'm saying?

Thank you.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

In fact, everyone should be an heiress.

We're all going to spend it the same.

Yeah.

Exactly.

It's just money.

Did you ever go to the heiress tour?

What?

Did you go to the heiress tour?

That was like the Guggenheims and the Gettys.

I like to kind of.

Shella McCartney.

I was there.

I would like to retract my statement.

No, I was there.

It was beautiful, beautiful costume changes, the stagecraft alone.

And the importance of the colours.

I love costume changes.

Like when Gandalf came back and he was like wearing white.

Incredible.

I love that.

When, what's her name?

When Adina Menzel,

she pulls

the wire and the dress turns, you know, from

it is just stage magic.

It's just one of the most.

Oh, Adele Dazim.

Adele Dazim.

She changed rat.

She changed it legally.

Legally.

Remember a second ago, I piped up and I was like, I was going to make a point.

I didn't get to that point.

Oh, what was the point?

My point is going to be, so I was just shot by Sydney.

With a taser.

With a taser.

By the way, be specific because you can't say you were shot.

I tased.

I know.

That's stolen valor.

All right.

So I was tased.

Yeah.

It didn't hurt.

Yeah.

I mean, it matters slightly inconvenient.

So I'm thinking we don't need to really

rush.

Okay, great.

Just so we know that this is very

you're not feeling that at all?

I'm kind of lacking it at this point.

I think I could turn that up a bit.

I'm almost dying.

Here we go.

Okay.

Split the dip.

Split the dip.

Okay, MC turned it down a little bit.

Okay, now that's all right.

So that's it, it's annoying, but it doesn't hurt.

Oh, that's good.

Keep it at that level.

Thank you.

That's good for future notice.

I'm going to go visit the Kelke Brothers later.

Well, if you ever want to rob me again, yeah, that's keep it.

Yeah.

Oh, by the way, the Kelke Brothers.

You see, Taylor Swift is going to be on that show?

Don't I Know It?

What is going on?

Don't I Know It?

I mean, that is where the,

let me tell you, I'm expecting big money in those safes.

Why does a fucking billionaire need to be on a podcast?

Jesus.

That's where all the billionaires are.

I love the art form.

Podcasting is about making money these days.

I mean, that's where all the billionaires are.

Barack Obama has a podcast.

Well, with Springsteen.

Okay, two big

guys, two big, rich, fancy guys.

You think that they're not.

Is it weird that Springsteen is technically richer than Barack Obama?

I don't think so.

I don't think that's weird.

I don't think presidents should be rich.

You don't think so?

No, I don't think President should be rich.

You want them to be politicians?

I think politicians should be, yeah, pretty poor.

I think they should be regular people.

This is, I just don't know whether I agree with this stuff.

We need to give them remuneration in order to procure their services remuneration okay shakespeare shakespeare over here my goodness not the immortal bard a farthing

is that your impression of shakespeare a farthing how is that now

the southern accent is actually dramatically close to the way that uh the uh english used to speak oh is it really that's maybe why john lennon showed up just a minute ago just to talk with john lennon where are you from by the way signy you you say the the southern accent i'm from franklin you're You're from Franklin, Franklin, Tennessee.

Oh, Franklin, Tennessee.

Yeah, I do work at Franklin and Company.

I mean, once the Gardeto money ran out.

These are local references.

Everybody knows Franklin and Company.

It's no longer there.

Not everyone knows it.

The Velita Corona.

It moved.

Did it now?

I have no idea.

You might be thinking of the wait staff moved within the

table.

They were moved to the table.

That was just what I was thinking.

They moved.

They moved.

Yeah, so, I mean, once the Godetto Fortune, I tried a cookbook.

Nobody sees it.

Why did the Godetto Fortune go away?

You've never talked about that.

Some solidly bad investments on my.

I mean, I've never heard about that.

What was the Godetto business?

Where'd the business?

The Godetto's.

It's the Jesus Christ.

The Godettos.

The Krakos, ride ships.

And then you made poor investments.

I made poor investments.

I tried to make a couple cookbooks, got out of cookbooks.

I mean, the important.

You've made cookbooks.

Of course, I've made cookbooks.

You got cobbling.

You should collab.

Look, Scott, a collab is a wonderful thing, but when you open up a collab with a tasing, I'm a little apprehensive.

Well, maybe you could taser back and you'd be even.

Let me see that tasing just for a few seconds.

Go for it.

That's a smile I'll do.

Okay.

Oh, not great, right?

Wow.

Kind of makes my nipples a little hard.

All right, I'm giving this back to you.

No, no, no, no.

I just got married.

I can't get into another thing.

Wait, come on.

I'm a kid.

Will you tase me?

I don't want your nipples to get hard.

Come on.

All right.

All right.

Here we go.

Ready?

Oh, oh, yeah.

Okay, now they're fully just pointing out of your shirt.

Yeah, well, I mean, come on.

Jason, we have to get our nipples hard.

Parody.

We don't want to be creeps sitting here looking at OK.

Okay, here, let me get you.

I didn't want you to tase me to do it.

Oh, just like, kind of feel them.

Just lick your finger.

Now that I won't do.

Well, in any case, Signy,

as you can see, I don't have any money in the safe here.

All right, well, what's in your pockets then?

God damn it.

Scott, Awkerman, I came here, you know, looking for a payload.

I mean, here's some used Kleenex,

some gum.

Yeah, look, gum, of course.

Okay, a ticket stub.

Yeah, a ticket.

Yeah, more ticket stubs.

It's the finest museum.

Okay.

Two stickers to Freaky Friday.

Okay, that's what I mean when I say

He was showing the movie Freakier Friday.

The Academy Museum?

Yes, it was Academy Consideration.

Is it true R2D2 is down there at the Academy Museum?

Are you calling me R2-D2?

No, I'm asking you about where R2-D2 is at this very moment.

Oh, I haven't spoken to the man in years.

Don't call her R2-D2, okay?

I use it as a very.

She may be uninvited, but she's a guest on the show.

Like you might say dude or homie.

I say R2D.

Hey, R2D, what's up?

R2-D2?

You say R2-D2 instead of dude or bro or bruh or anything.

I don't know.

Come on.

R2-D2.

You owe me money on this Venmo.

Aw, as in what God inspired.

Why are you chasing people down for money on Venmos?

I told you I was time poor.

In any case, yeah, I have nothing in my pockets other than these ticket stubs.

And I mean, business has been bad around these parts.

I mean, look,

you know, stars are sort of back, but I haven't had any actual movie stars or anything on this show.

God damn depression.

All I've had is like comedians with specials and podcasters.

It's really rough out here.

And today I have fucking a YouTube celebrity chef.

Oh, the kids are doing it.

I do barrel oil for myself on YouTube.

How much money do you have?

On me?

Adjacent Manzukas, please empty your.

You can get up off the floor now.

Are you doing your lunges still, or do you want to get up off the floor?

I'll get up.

I'll get up.

Get up off that floor.

Get up off that floor.

Now I'm dancing.

Get up off that floor.

Now you're dancing together.

What is happening here?

I know you do it.

You know how to sussel.

Nobody susss anymore.

Until you feel better.

You're four feet away and your erect nipples are touching.

What is going on right now?

Why do you have to break down every?

I'm happy for once.

That's it.

That's it.

You're obviously not happy with Mrs.

Klein out there.

Draw the blinds.

I don't need her to see this.

She's rapping on the window right now.

She's doing the Robert De Niro one meet the parents like uh you know v finger well we just that was playing during our wedding so she's just remember the wedding oh remember dear this dance is not sexual although it may look sexual it is not sexual at all

just hip it's a hip-to-hip connection wait a minute she's trying to get in my money get out hey get out of my pocket you got nothing in here i got nothing in this one

this one's just full of wheat pennies remember wheat pennies those are worth a lot of money.

Hey, look,

I specifically asked for wheat pennies when I came in.

Can I give you you some advice here?

Go hit up the smartlist guys.

They're hawking credit cards and shit like this.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, stop bothering us.

Look, when I started this podcast, I was just a simple, simple man with a dream and the email address of every famous comedian in Los Angeles.

And I

paid big money for that list.

I did.

I heard that.

Those were the Glen Gary leads.

And I built this show up from nothing.

These smartlist guys, they're TV stars.

Go bother them.

They're rich TV stars and now they have credit card shit going on they're like credit card scams if you don't think they're on my list then you got another thing coming well shorten the list to just them and get the fuck out of here i need something for my time and tribulation

have you hit them up yet they're fucking loaded man i've tried emailing them but their booker is bothering me go bother conan Conan has a restraining order.

A guy who was on TV for fucking 35 years and now decided to make a podcast deal for hundreds of millions.

Conan has a restraining order against me for a different, separate, not related reason.

See, this is why laws do work.

They say, why make gun laws?

People will just break them.

But see,

the restraining order is working right now.

I'm a very lawful person.

This is well within my right to have a self-defense.

I don't wanna be aware of that.

She said lawful.

Ow, my damn ears.

Why don't you get the shit out of your ears next time you come here with James Manchester?

Dude, don't worry about my ear hygiene for two seconds.

Well, look,

Sydney, we have to take a break

because we have to do ads in order to get more money for this to help pay for it.

All right, I'll allow it.

All right, so can you stick around, though?

If you want me to.

I would love for you to stick around because we have the possible future first lady of a state coming up.

Okay, can I shake it down?

I guess so, yeah.

Would you mind it, Jason?

I don't mind that.

I just want to say there's a lot of money in YouTubers, too, just so you can

expand that.

Yeah, that is.

Exactly, right?

Yeah.

That is a promising thing.

Good chime in right at the last second, right when we're going to break.

With the rat edit, that could be made very good.

I'm afraid we don't have that kind of technology.

You don't edit this show.

We do.

We don't have the kind of technology to edit that shit.

You don't have a shit shovel.

All right.

We need to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have more Sydney Goddo.

We're going to have more Jason Manzukas.

Plus the possible future First Lady of Estate.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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comedy bang bang we're back uh we have here with us uh celebrity chef jason manzukas how you doing scott let me i just want to check in with you how are you doing i'm you asked me that before and i'm uh i i appreciate constant check-ins

i usually i do every a half hour on the island okay i appreciate that uh from the south part of uh ontario you're from toronto toronto canada uh we also have signy godetto uh from

i hate that i gave you my name from franklin uh well yeah i hate that But we promise not to turn you into the authorities.

Okay.

Now, do you have the equipment to edit her saying her name out?

No, unfortunately.

Sorry.

We have a very specific editing machine

criteria.

Avid.

Yeah, it's avid.

Yeah, we avidly purchased

bullshit.

Okay, in any case, we need to get to our next guest who couldn't possibly be Southern, right?

She is the possible future First Lady of a State.

Please welcome Tinky.

Hi, honey.

Oh, oh.

Now let me just say.

Honey, I'm glad I'm here on a day with fellow Southerners because I am looking for each and every one of y'all's vote when my husband runs for governor of Texas.

Okay, that's the state in question, Texas.

Now, yes, honey.

My husband's running for the governor.

Y'all know him, okay?

He is a sheriff.

He is a pastor.

He is a doctor.

And he is an independently wealthy man.

That's right.

I'm talking about Hank Clodsdale.

Hank Cladsdale

is running for governor of Texas.

I haven't heard of him necessarily.

Oh, well, honey.

I know him.

He's a big deal, Scott.

And guess what?

I don't really care about who you know and don't know because some people.

You would think that in order to vote for him, I'd have to retain the knowledge of his name.

But do you vote in Texas, sweetie?

Why are you here?

You said you wanted me to vote for him.

Why are you here if not to

if you're going to vote for him?

I'll pay for you to move to Texas, okay?

You'll pay for me to move to Texas?

If you guarantee me a vote,

I'll pay for anything, honey.

Now, can I ask you a question real quick?

Go ahead, sweetie.

Oh, adjacent, is it?

That's my name, yes.

I'm saying hi.

Good.

Hi to you.

Sometimes I get a little tripped up with these cans.

I got the levels.

Anyway.

Speaking of cans, sweetie, I like you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Garth Fisher, 44C under the muscle.

Ooh, perky little things, aren't they?

Which reminds me, I want to come clean before all the ops come and get me, all these lib ops out there to try to reveal my secrets.

I don't know what you're talking about.

If you want to come clean, that's the best way to do it.

Well, I want to know some lead secrets.

I want to let y'all know all my secrets so you can't use them against my husband.

Okay?

Okay.

What are the what's going on in your family, I guess?

Happily married.

Okay.

Chick.

Excuse me?

I think.

Chick.

Chick or check.

I'm not quite sure.

Oh, where Southerners got?

We say chick.

Oh, okay.

When you do a chick mark.

It's sort of like checks mix, but chick that shit.

Got it, got it.

Got it.

Gaudetto's sweetie.

Gaudettos got put out of business by Chex Mix.

You fuck those people.

Okay.

Fake them.

Fuck them.

Fuck them.

Okay.

And Gaudettos are just the little rye guys?

The little rye crackers,

the whole thing, the pretzels, the sweetie.

Like rye broadband, but more crisp.

Exactly.

I've had those.

Those are good Gaudettos.

Exactly.

Gaudetta.

Gaudettos are fantastic.

God, I wish our editing machine wasn't broken.

Now, you need to invest in new editing equipment until that comes.

You're fucking shit.

I know.

All right, what is going on with you?

All y'all are trying to get all the little dirt on Tinky.

Well, Tinky's here to tell you the dirt herself.

Tinky is

Tinky's you.

Did I introduce you?

Yes.

Okay, I did.

Yeah, you got to write this down.

Tinky, you've been doing this too long.

Oh, sweetie.

Your name is Tinky.

Yes.

Got it.

My name is Tinky Clodsdale.

Tinky Clodsdale.

And I'm happily married to Hank Clodsdale.

We have a beautiful marriage, and I'm outside of the marriage, chomp box.

That's fine.

My husband.

Sorry, sorry.

I'm going to need you to back up.

Approximately three seconds.

Actually, okay, okay, make it two.

Outside of the marriage, she chomp box.

What does that mean, chomp box?

Oh, God.

That's a sudden.

Chomp box, me and my lady friends, we call ourselves Sunday wives.

We go ahead.

Probably she was what now?

We go ahead and we,

well, we all put on cute little outfits, go and shoot boars, and then we all head back to Mil Place and chomp box.

That's what my wife is planning on doing that after the honeymoon.

Getting together with her lady friends and putting on cute little outfits.

Putting on cute little outfits, which don't, if I'm, I've never been to one of these sessions, but the outfits don't last long, if I am correct.

Oh, no, they disintegrate in water, sweetie.

I'd love to come to one of those, but I'd like to keep mine on, please.

Sweetie, in order to be a hunting wife, you got to do nothing but hunt and be a wife.

What about the chomping box part of it?

The chomping box, that's happening all the time.

We 69, we 86.

I'd like to 86.

We 360.

We 360.

That's where we sit on each other's faces and just spin around.

But the thing that I know the libs are going to come after is

this.

And they're going to find it out.

So I might as well say,

I was born with a little twin on my back.

I cut him off.

I carry him around.

And he murders people.

Wait, so this is a malignant kind of situation?

Well, it's a basket case.

A basket case.

Okay, sorry.

Yeah, I want to make sure we get the right terminology that's not offensive to people with this.

No, no, no, no, no.

Malignant stayed on the back.

Basket case was cut off.

And I'm in charge of him.

Is that who's in that bassinet over there?

Oh, yes.

I swear you.

He's fine.

It's only people that wrong me and my husband.

Is that what that sort of acidic smell is?

Yeah.

Okay.

I thought something was going on here.

Yes.

That's my twin that I cut off my back when I was a child.

I raise him like my own.

Is that why the back of your chair is sort of seeping?

well yes that is that is the thing i still puss from there okay and i actually don't want to correct it because it reminds me of my brother what god gave you thank you and it sets you apart the brother is tinier though because uh hasn't had a chance to grow the nutrients i guess that you've had over your life yeah he basically just looks like a brain with hands and feet and he lives inside that little basket googly eyes at all at least big old googly eyes they always are facing different directions.

They pop around, they pop inside.

He kind of looks like what I was talking about.

We talked about head gum before.

He kind of looks like a piece of head gum.

Oh, that he does.

That he does.

He does.

Does he have money on him?

Now, Basket Case, he never worked a day in his damn life.

Can you imagine hiring Basket Case over here?

I mean, now that I'm getting a good look at him, I mean, he would scare away the customers, right?

You better stay on his good side there, Scott, because

he's capable of a lot.

I mean, I know Malignant was.

But this is not like malignant, right?

Now, malignant, he stayed in the back.

Sure, but he killed a lot of people.

This is like that.

You guys are pretending like movies are real life.

In real life, right now, we got a creaky little child that looks like a headbutt.

Some movies are real life.

Apollo 13, the guy just died.

But that isn't real.

I don't know what is.

What do you mean that's a real movie?

Are they going up into space?

Titanic?

So you think the boat's still floating around?

Okay, Ziggy.

Let me go take a trip on Titanic tomorrow then.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Jurassic Park.

Okay, yeah, there aren't dinosaurs.

Sorry, I lost my train of thought.

But the thing is, Sydney,

y'all better be nice to my little brother over there.

Okay, yeah, we'll be nice to him.

What's his name again?

Schmink.

Schmink.

Okay.

Schmink and Twinkie.

Tinky.

Tinky.

Tinky.

Schmink and Tinky.

Schmink and Tinky.

And you're in charge of him, you say?

Listen, we are the thickest thieves.

Always have been.

So he comes with me wherever I go.

But that little rascal gets out sometimes at night and he goes crazy.

And I know the lives are going to try and find that out.

And he's killing people.

Unfortunately.

That is unfortunate.

And these are enemies of you or enemies of him.

It's both.

Anybody that gets his little crook in his crawl.

Well, I mean, it's good that you got that out there.

Certainly there can't be any other skeletons in your closet.

Well, there's a literal skeleton in my closet.

You don't say.

My husband's first wife.

I do want to remind the audience right now that this is not your October Halloween episode.

This is happening now.

It could be misconstrued as that, but no, we're in the throes of Auggie Doggie right now, and this is some crazy shit happening here.

It's just American life.

I mean, thank you very much, Signy.

Scott's all, oh,

I'm in Los Angeles.

Life is all perfect.

I reckon you couldn't handle it.

I reckon Scott got a taste of of the taser, and he wants a little chomp from Bitsy over there.

Gutsy?

Nutsy.

Bitsy.

Schmitzy.

Schmitzy.

Schmink.

Schmink.

We all know his name.

Let's say it all at the same time.

Schmink.

We're not.

Schmink.

Schmink.

Yeah, of course.

Schmink.

It's Schmink.

Schmink.

Let's fall out after Monk.

I was thinking, now that's funny because Monk don't want to touch nothing and Schmink doesn't want to touch everything.

Monk would be so scared of Schmink

if he ever saw him.

Well, he'd be scared of anyone, though.

To be fair to Monk, anyone touches Monk and he goes crazy.

So Schmink.

It's about time somebody.

By the way, could people be more fair to Monk?

Please.

We can be more fair to Monk.

All I'm hearing is, oh, Monk don't do this.

Monk, don't do that.

Can we be more fair to

Monk?

Let's focus on what Monk doo-doo.

Okay, speaking of Skunk.

What did Monk do?

Speaking of doo-doo, you got it all over your face, sweetie.

Well,

hell, I blame Schmink because,

I don't know if you guys noticed, he squirmed up my whole body and then started.

You didn't see this either.

Suffocating on your face?

He was sort of

standing on my head, squatting over my face, shitting on my nose.

Okay, so yeah.

And of course, I tried to rub it off, but it got me.

Schmink can be a boner killer, okay?

When my girls and I are 86 and 42 and 352, 249,

245.

Yeah, hut, hut, right?

Hut, hut.

And then a word that means lesbian, but I don't want to say it.

But I don't want to say it.

Munch.

Munch box.

All right, munch.

What about Detective Munch?

Now, what about him?

Yeah, you got to be

more about that.

Well, Detective Munch.

Can we be more fair to him, too?

Now, Munch and Monk is too, it's, it's too similar, right?

Because I turned, I tuned into Monk and I was like, oh boy, let's see what Detective Munch.

He's on the X-Files.

He's on SVU.

He's on every show.

And then it turns out to be this guy, Monk, not Munch.

Can I tell you?

Because just going back to Monk for just two seconds.

Sure, no.

Sure, we got time.

Have you seen Monk season five?

The episode is called Monk in the Big Game.

He starts coaching a basketball team.

I haven't seen this.

This seems like an atypical job for Monk, who's

a very early

Jennifer Lawrence is in it.

Wow.

I don't see it.

Jennifer Lawrence, and there's an extra in it

in the stands.

I would love your audience to go watch that show and see if they recognize that.

That's Matt Hamford.

It is exactly that.

Honey, that's fantastic.

It was nice for him.

Any interaction with Shalub?

No, no, not from what I'm understanding.

No, and he also lost one of his favorite sweatshirts at that shoot.

Did Jennifer Lawrence steal it, maybe?

No, but the funny thing is that whole episode, Jennifer Lawrence grew up to be a beautiful, fine actress.

In that episode, she was in a costume, a mascot costume, like most of the time.

Wow.

So you couldn't even see.

We didn't know her.

We didn't know.

We didn't know what we had on set.

We'd like our fans to, and you were there?

I was there too.

Have you all seen the episode of Monk?

I think it's season six, episode 14.

Say more about that, Cardano.

What do you remember that?

I think it's called One Monk and Two Nuns.

And where Monk goes to a nunnery and he sort of solves a crime of passion.

Right.

Oh, I do remember that.

Right, right, right, right.

That's what they introduced the idea of the monk chunk.

Is what they called his.

Yeah, sort of monologue at the end where he wraps it all up.

Oh, my

God.

Monk chunk.

Right, yes.

Did you all see that show on USA, The Huntress, when I played Phil Hagel?

The magician?

My God.

I did see that.

I remember you're working currently.

I got to say this because the libs.

Season one, episode 23, of course.

Are you just looking that up?

Now you see him.

No.

Just off the top of the dome.

I did not grow up with cable.

That's another thing the libs are going to come after.

Oh, no.

What did you grow up with?

So you never saw that MTV unplugged show.

No, I never did.

We grew up with

a cardboard box that

Schmink and what the hell is the god's name?

Schmink.

Smink.

Schmink.

We all know it.

We all know it.

Okay.

That was the test.

That was the test.

We got inside a cardboard box and pretended we were TV.

That's how damn poor we were.

We were so poor, we ate mud.

How did you get all your money?

Oh, I married Hank, of course.

He's

independently wealthy.

And he has three jobs.

He's a...

What did you say?

He's a doctor.

He's a pastor.

He's a sheriff.

He's a doctor.

He's independently wealthy.

But be careful.

Did you know you can lose your fortune?

Say more about that.

Well, it can be there one day and it can be gone tomorrow.

Not Hanks.

Hank invests wisely in

what you're supposed to do.

Into double D's?

These double D's?

He invested into me.

So those are

fake breasts that he

purchased for you?

Oh, these torpedoes were the engagement present.

Is Hank supporting?

Is he listening right now to this?

Because if he is, I'd invite him to leave for a second.

I'd like to ask you a personal question.

Now, listen, Hank is too busy to pay attention to anything I do.

That's why he don't know nothing about the box munching.

I mean, he barely knows I have a damn twin.

Are you and Hank?

I want to put this delicately.

Are you still remaining intimate?

Yeah, that's the question I was going to ask.

But you got to put it delicately.

I blow him, but I pretend it's a clit.

Okay.

That's too big for him.

Well, then I got to go.

I don't know his personal situation.

Scott, you got to start asking people not only what their dick and ball size is, but what their clit size is.

Because there's a certain range.

What do you got?

Five feet five.

You really need to see.

Are you rolling up like a fruit by the foot?

What the hell?

Stuff it in my.

I actually only have one leg.

But I stuff it in what?

Stuff it in my pants.

I only have one leg.

I gotta say, because we're with a couple gentlemen right now.

And I don't give a damn about that.

No, no, no, sweetie.

I don't either.

But gentlemen don't know that women clits, they're almost like an intestine.

They'll be like, they'll be feet long, and y'all just don't know because they're always wrapped up.

Well, that's the thing.

I've never wanted to pull on it with my tongue because I'm just worried it'll come out and it'll be like a big worm that just.

now that's now we were in my territory worm stuff yeah that's true i'm worried uh one of these clits is gonna scoot out i'll throw it on the grill

men though men are so preoccupied with oh size size size you never even know that women clits are actually the longest part of a woman's body oh i had no idea but think about it scott we are always thinking size width smell girl slickness but you know what the that's all we think about you know what the largest organ on the human body is?

With me?

Skin.

Clint skin.

What?

Check this out.

One large elbow.

I'll help you out on that one.

Stop.

Stop it.

That does nothing for me.

Because you're.

How did you put a chomping box?

Is that what you said?

I chew on it.

I chomp it.

I tied it and I can tie it in a bow.

Well, I mean, this has to be it.

You have a, uh, literally the skeleton of your husband's first wife in your closet.

You munch box.

You...

What was that?

Oh, yeah.

You have your little basket case situation going on.

That has to be it, right?

I wrote a book as a teenager.

Oh, Lord, the libs are coming for you.

You wrote a book?

What was that?

Was it fiction, non-fiction, historical fiction?

I'm trying to think of any other genre.

Kidlet?

Fan fiction.

Textbook.

It was historical fiction, and it's not good.

It's not good?

Not good.

No, that's why I can't let anybody find this book.

But you got a publishing deal?

It's a historic.

I publish it myself.

There's three copies, and I need them destroyed.

What was the subject matter?

It's historical fiction about Teddy Roosevelt having an affair with a mermaid.

That didn't happen.

I swear to God.

Yeah, I read this book.

I thought that out.

Oh, you read it?

No!

I've been walking down talking about how Teddy Roosevelt fell in love with a mermaid.

And everyone's looking at me like I'm crazy.

And I was like, no, I'm not sure.

It's true.

And if you don't believe me, you're not my friend anymore.

I always knew something had to be going on in that marriage.

I mean, look at Eleanor.

She's a sweet girl, but nothing's going on between the two of them.

It's historical fiction.

I made it up from my imagination, but it's not well written.

And it embarrasses me.

You made up Teddy Roosevelt from your imagination?

I've been talking about him like he's a real guy.

The mustache?

I thought historical fiction meant that if there's real parts, but it's also fake.

It's like when you're like, oh, what, like Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter?

Yes, sweetie.

Isn't that historical fiction?

Yeah, I thought it was just history that's fun.

A little more fun.

Real parts, but a little fake.

It's like us.

I like you.

I like you.

You want to burn my taser sometime?

Tase me right now.

Scott,

have you ever had a relationship form on the show?

A romantic relationship form.

Every once in a while.

And like I'll tell you what I tell them: if you want to go on a second date, we'll pay for it.

This was the first date, yeah, exactly.

The first date is on a podcast.

I guess if something blooms here with the show, I don't know, but maybe I jumped in too early.

Anywhere in the world, we'll pay for you to go.

I think a first date has to,

I think it has to have a bit more excitement in it.

I mean, you mentioned

it.

Well, that's true.

I'm sorry, but that has been

for you.

This was the first date.

No, it wasn't.

This is a meeting.

This is a

meeting.

This is her face.

I wasn't saying you tased me.

Oh, men are crazy.

I dated her.

You did not date her.

Y'all worked together.

Go off, sister.

Go off.

Speak.

Oh, I dated her.

She's crazy.

You didn't date her.

Okay.

She's your mailman.

She's your mailman, and she's sane as the opposite of a hatter, like a shoe salesman.

Yes.

She's as sane as

a shoe salesman.

Say that three times fast.

I'm sorry.

So is this y'all's first date then?

Adjacent and Scott?

Oh, get him.

She's married, man.

She's rapping on the window right now.

Get him, Tammy.

Deroding the sound.

I saw her, by the way, flipping around the house.

Yeah, how's she doing?

She's been walking around the house like she does on those mountains.

Yeah, I don't know.

I told her.

I said, you want to come in?

She said, I'll be comfortable out here.

I'll be comfortable out here.

If someone were to say that to me, I would say, that's all I need to know.

I would just go right inside the house.

Oh, Oh, Jason, do you vote?

Do I vote?

Oh, yeah, I vote all the time.

And will you be voting for Hunk?

Down in Texas?

Yes.

Well, here's the thing: I don't live down there, but I will.

You're a Canadian as well.

I'm a Canadian, but that's who cares?

You vote anywhere.

You can bust us in, right?

Bust me in.

Can I?

Do you know some dead people on the rolls that maybe we could say we are?

Oh, we know plenty of dead people.

We've made them so.

What?

Real quick.

Hold on, no.

Real quick.

Even quicker.

Go ahead, Scott.

Who have you killed?

I mean, I know

we know his name, right?

Schmink.

Oh, you're so negative.

Who have you thrilled?

Well,

I thrilled a bachelor party about two weeks ago, but they never saw someone spin on their head and do the splits naked.

They hadn't seen that.

What?

Men are not living these days.

I'm not everyone's seen that.

I looked like a fan.

An OnlyFan.

Is that what OnlyFans is about?

Is women doing that?

It started as that.

It was Only Women doing.

You heard of a ceiling fan?

Well, this is a four fan.

I'd do a headstand, then I'd spin around naked.

Yeah, OnlyFans got really lax on their

requirements.

It used to be women who would do that.

Yep.

And now it's any type of men, woman, dog.

They got dogs on there without dollars again.

Well, there's nothing in the rule book against it.

Ooh, Jason misses the days where OnlyFans was

fucking the camera.

I remember when it was pure.

Jason wants his dollar to go farther.

He wants something else to go farther, too.

I'm only seeing a woman painting her nails.

I paid $5 for this.

Show me your hole.

$5.

That's good.

Times $1,000.

Jason, you pay for OnlyFans.

I've been paying for OnlyFans since the day it started.

Really?

Really?

You're an early adopter.

Well, because I'm an independent creator as well.

Oh, I see.

So supporting the arts.

Supporting the arts, but it's nice that the arts, in this case, is pornographic.

Yeah, right.

Now, let me ask you.

Before I met my beautiful wife, that's what I was doing.

Can you put it on her business card?

Because it's for education.

Put on.

Yeah, of course.

Pay for it with a...

Not actual business cards that you would describe something on.

Oh, my business credit card.

Exactly.

Is this a site where I could go on, make a bunch of fans, and tase myself, and then they would pay me money?

I think so.

I mean, this might, honestly, Signe, this might be a better avenue to get yourself money because just ripping off podcasters, unless you're going to go to those smartless guys

and really just some of the seediest characters you'll ever meet

with their

high APR credit card scams that they got going on.

I don't know.

I think maybe I'd rather shake my titties and

tase myself a little bit.

Instead of having to go hang out with the three of them, just shake your titties.

You can actually do almost anything on OnlyFans, which i know adjacent's pissed about but um he's pissed about the whole dog thing and i'm just pissed i'm just i'm pissed about this marriage i kind of do yeah you seem to not like her i wouldn't even invite her in invite her in do you want to get out of it because i think in between the four of us here we five sorry we could we have a bunch of guns we got one taser as i've already mentioned okay here's the thing i don't know i got two guns in my purse right now honey that's so wait can you make are you guys good at making things look like accidents that's all i don't want to get too detailed but i want to know that you have no idea

all right i'll invite her in but here's the thing i i the reason i was embarrassed about this she doesn't talk she knows how to she just doesn't talk she just doesn't talk so we could have her in she said anything to you ever

yeah but quietly okay okay all right it's a lot of whispering

you're embarrassed because she doesn't talk

yeah

makes sense to me you've never well hold on a second this is a guy thing it's a guy thing and it's you've never married someone and then gone shit this person doesn't talk i gotta be with this person they know how to talk but they don't talk yeah this is gonna suck for the next i don't know 80 years you wait how old are you right now me i'm 40.

Okay, I don't know.

You're gonna make it exactly to 120, but who knows?

Where you?

It may not be so negative.

Modern medicine, who knows?

Hey, Jason, you should just let her loose.

Someone's gonna like that she doesn't talk.

You're not a good partner.

Go off.

Actually, I know a lot of husbands who would switch places with you, if you know what i mean not me i want someone so you're talking about hank you are dead wrong he left and i dibber dabber all away

i never shut the fuck up around hank do you see him much no not around each other much

you ever wonder if hank is partaking with his friends

yeah is it like uh if hank did well what did you call yourselves hunting wives if it's like the opposite of that you know hunting hubs well what's the opposite of hunting like a foraging peaceful

oh yeah yeah.

Foraging frats.

Yeah.

Foraging frats.

Oh, no, gathering.

Gathering guys.

Yes, gathering guys.

Thank you.

We finally got it.

Now, he has a crew of gathering guys, but they're also above board.

They're pastors.

They're sheriffs.

They're doctors.

These are all people that have never done anything wrong in their life.

Historically.

Okay, but you haven't gone along on any of these trips that they go on.

Well, no, no, no.

And he comes back and his boxers are soaking.

With what, though?

I don't don't know with what.

I taste it.

I guess hunting potion or gathering potion, maybe, or something.

Oh, I think it's some salted gathering potion.

You might be right.

You might be on to something.

A gathering potion is the sort of thing they drink before they gather.

It's like an energy fuel.

Something like that.

Yeah, and it can be easy to spill because I know the containers it comes in.

Right.

You see Big Barry and you get so excited and your hands start shaking.

Yeah.

Funniest thing, his pants are stretched out to oblivion.

I'm not even joking.

He's like, is it like what are they parachute pants, like MC Hammer kind of thing?

Well, he goes with just slim khakis, and he comes back, and it's almost like a different pair of maternity wear down there.

Uh-oh.

Are they like tumbling

jeans?

What exactly?

I just want to ask an inappropriate question.

Go ahead.

Is that allowed?

This is allowed.

Anything goes here on Comedy Bang Bang.

Week.

I'll put it in a fun way: is Hank hung?

Well,

it's.

Thank you for clarifying.

Oh, because I didn't like those.

Oh, he's hung like a light switch.

Oh, God.

No,

I don't jerk around about.

Is that a lyric from Rudolph the Red-Nose?

Like George Washington.

Yeah, remember,

Rudolph had the red nose and he was hung like a light switch.

In any case, what were you going to say about Hang?

I was going to say, it's all different sizes, depending on the season.

Oh,

now, I've heard about this.

Some guys are doing seasonal effects of penis size.

Yes, in the summer, it's long and strong, but in the winter, it's tiny and shriveled like a raisin.

Oh, that's the lyric from Rudolph the Red-Nose Red Rosen.

Right.

And that's why there's that line.

They were flying through the air during the raisin days of December.

That's right.

But I got him one of those red lights for the winter.

I don't know what you're talking about.

You said that like it was on his nose.

Yeah, does he wear it on his nose?

No.

A red light is what you get for seasonal affective disorder.

So you can see the sun and feel the rain.

Oh, the happy light.

So this

lengthens his member during the winter years.

That's the winter months.

During the winter years, he'll get that right down there, and it won't feel as bad.

But we're barely intimate.

I'm so sorry.

I mean, you know,

you're out there with your hunting wives, though, and he's with the gathering guys.

Yeah, listen, we're happy, we're wealthy, and we're healthy.

What else matters in Texas?

You have kids?

We have two.

Well, then you did your

job.

We have two.

Neither from either of us.

They just already showed up one day.

That's what I got going on.

Oh, really?

If you need any more, if you want us to take them, shit, we got too many.

That wasn't even noticed.

Doesn't really matter how you get them.

One showed up.

He's in his light 40s.

But we don't say a damn thing.

Well, I mean, look, you know, families these days are all kinds of weird.

You know what I mean?

You got families are made out of sometimes

two fathers.

You have

a basket case situation and a 40-year-old man who's pretending to be your son.

You know, I mean, it's equivalent.

It can look like anything.

Families can be two women.

And families can be.

A little mucusy guy that lives in a basket.

Sure.

And a strange rando who just showed up at your house one day.

Yes, is the mucus coming from inside, like bleeding out of him, or is he dipped in mucus?

It's bleeding out of him.

So it's not a dipping sauce that you ordered.

It's pus.

It is pus.

That's what I thought I was going to say.

It's pus that's sort of seeping out of him because he does not have that outer skin layer.

I see.

So it's all like

underdermis, not epidermis.

Yes, it's all

to use the word.

Yeah.

But

it's very underdermis.

That's actually quite tasty.

Speaking of dipping sauce.

Oh, you've been

trying some of the pus copies.

A little bit.

I mean, you know, trying to think of it.

What's his name?

Schmink?

Schmink.

I'm sorry.

I haven't written it down.

I don't know why you keep looking at it.

You can't forget.

Well, I knew it sounds like my name.

It was written down right there.

Well, look, guys, we can sit here and talk about what's written down, what's not written down, but we can all agree that we're running out of time, right?

Let's turn off the mics and talk about that.

Okay, you know what?

I wouldn't mind.

But unfortunately, we are running out of time.

We only have time for one final feature on the show.

That is, of course, a little something called plugs.

Your movie star,

a TV star,

a stand-up.

Nope.

Okay, fine, you just do a lot of podcasts.

And this

if you were playing second fiddle,

we don't open this bag just a little.

We open it wide to see what's inside the plug.

Gorgeous.

That was the ungrateful plug.

Oh, sorry to interrupt you.

That was the ungrateful plug by Rising Todd.

Thank you so much to Rising Todd.

If you want to hear your plug theme on this show, head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs.

There you will find everything you need to upload your own songs or do remixes of our songs.

Uh, and thank you to Rising Todd for that, guys.

What do we plug into?

Jason Manzoukas, what do you plug in this week?

Scott, uh, watch my show, of course, on TV, grew with the Zeus on YouTube.

Uh, but I do want to say that the Sloppy Boys are going out to tour.

Okay, the Sloppy Boys are the fake comedy band that they are the musical rock band that's got a podcast, it's three fun guys.

The shows are going three guys pretending to be musicians go out there.

If you could keep the comments down, you're kind of busting up what I'm sort of doing here.

And this is

the reason I'm here.

Oh, okay.

Well, I thought the reason you were here was maybe to talk about this new Spider-Man movie, but all right, go ahead.

I've forgotten about that.

I got to write that stuff down.

Go, go see the Sloppy Boys.

They're going to be on tour pretty much all through October and November.

I could name.

What's that?

Including Halloween?

I'm going to just check the dates here.

No, we will be at home in our beds on Halloween.

Oh, so they will be.

You're touring this fall.

This fall?

Okay, that's when a penis is sort of like half-mass.

Yeah, oh, we shouldn't, they shouldn't have any problems with their penises getting in the way of the drum kit or anything like that.

Okay, oh, good.

Yeah, I was a little worried about that.

So, yeah, go check them out.

See Mike Hanford, too.

He's going to be touring in September.

He'll be doing a couple shows.

Where do people get information about these occurrences?

Thank you, Scott.

You're going to check out the Sloppy Boys.

Yeah, go to their Instagram page.

It's all linked up there.

Why not?

Why not?

It's easy.

But check us out.

It's going to be fun as puzzles.

And then Mike Hanford, this comedian, he's doing shows.

Stand-up comedian.

He's doing a show in Brooklyn and Bethlehem, PA, and then he's going down to Atlanta for the first time ever.

For the first time, that's right.

He's doing an hour of stand-up.

And I got to say, I caught it.

Yeah.

It's a fucking great show.

Wow.

People don't know what he's got, Scott.

They don't know what he's got.

I've only seen him five minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes.

I think he opened for us on the last comedy bang bang tour.

That's bullshit what he's doing back there.

Yeah, and now it's a full hour of that bullshit.

It's grown to a full hour of bullshit.

Wow.

I love this.

Wow.

All right.

Did you love it?

Signe, what are you plugging here?

Well, God, goddamn.

I just hope y'all go out there and buy a bag of gardetos because it really saved my ass.

I've never even heard of them, but I will try to buy them if I can find them.

Is it an East Coast product?

It might be an East Coast thing because I could not believe y'all never heard about Gardetos.

Gardettos is a poor man's chex mix.

Whoa,

it's got an Italian-like name.

I would venture to say

it's actually the expansive person's chex mix it's got too much spice in it too much how much spice is too much for you I mean it's it's a rye cracker of some sort I mean

it's literally checks mix but spicier it's the refined person's chex mix it's got a it packs a little punch it's true

and you can buy just the rye crackers and I would be happy if you bought just the rye crackers can I come clean with something when you said Gardettos before I said that's some type of green potato I really had never heard of it before really

Yeah, it was important for me to say that.

In earnest?

You never heard of gardetto?

I've never heard of gardetto before.

You eat gardettos, it makes your booty bigger.

Everybody knows that.

You never tried to have a bigger booty.

I must have had a few.

I was going to say, you got a dump truck.

I'm getting big as a shelf back there.

I'm getting big.

I'm just getting enormous.

Okay, let me just say,

Jason's got cake.

Jason's got cake, and he was trying to put it on his OnlyFans, but it won't.

I don't know what came up bringing it up.

That is an Oakland booty that's encroaching into San Francisco, my friend.

Thank Pluggy.

There wasn't a couple necessarily.

But anything else you're plugging?

You can catch Ellie Woods on Instagram, Ellie Woods55, maybe.

She is currently appealing,

she's currently appearing.

She's peeing where?

She's currently peeing in the bathroom, but she's currently appearing as Beatrice in Much Ado About Nothing and Theatricum Botanicum.

She's not doing it all the time.

She's the understudy.

It's very cool.

That sounds amazing.

And

what's your name, Tinky?

Now, I need y'all to register to vote

in Texas.

Fixed.

For my husband, Hank

Clydesdale.

These are all names you know.

I don't.

These are all names that you're intimately acquainted with, and you say them all the time.

Listen, I have a memory like an aunt.

It's actually a problem because

i think my partner

not memories

but my other partner his memory is insane

um are you talking about um i'm talking about neil campbell you got a memory like that's actually disturbing which now that reminds me of the plug i want to plug yes digman on comedy central now that's season two season two

every wednesday at even when South Park isn't on?

Yes.

When they take a week off, yes.

For some weird reason, it still will be on.

Yes.

They

power through.

They got their shit together.

That's the thing.

Right, yeah.

So it's on Comedy Central every Wednesday at 7:30.

And that was my plug for him.

I mean, I appreciate you seeding your plugs over to this guy, Neil Campbell.

I thought you were talking about

the

tanky and glicky.

Schmink.

Schmink.

Schmink, I believe.

Yeah.

What's going going on with Schmink?

Anything?

Schmink wants you to watch the Lost Culturees Awards.

They're on Peacock now.

Schmink, they were fun to work on.

Okay, Schmink.

Go off.

Go off, Schmink.

Schmink loves Bravo.

All those bitches in Salt Lake City.

Wait, I listened to that podcast.

Schmink loves Bravo?

I love that.

There was a Lost Culturees

Culture Award show,

and that is on Peacock now.

Yeah.

Cool-op watched it.

And somehow it keeps taping it over and over and over.

I think they air it five times a day or something.

And so there'll be.

Hey, do writers get residuals from cable?

I don't think so.

Okay, Hank, you better win the election.

Oh.

All right, I want to plug.

Hey, go over to CBB World.

I mentioned it before.

There, we have the entire archive of Comedy Bang Bang.

Every single episode ad-free.

Every single live episode we've ever done, all ad-free.

Plus, if you sign up for the the maximus tier we have other shows like cbb presents where people from this show not you jason manzoukas get their own shows i haven't been listening for the last five and uh we also have scott hasn't seen where i watch movies that i haven't seen before we're in the middle of sprag hasn't seen month and um we also have college town the neighborhood listen so much going on over there and uh it's relatively inexpensive a fan wanted being a mention because he'd been hearing about it for three years and thought it must have he thought he had to be Croesus or something in order to be able to afford it.

And then went on the actual page was like, it's only five dollars.

What am I doing?

Oh, that's probably too expensive for me.

I won't even take the time to punch in the letters.

All right.

Well, in any case, head over there to CBB World.

All right, let's close up the old plug bag.

Yeah.

We all have bags.

In these bags are lots of plugs.

We need these bags.

It's time to

open up the vlog bag

2025.

Because it's not time to close it up just yet.

It's not time to close it up just yet.

Open up that bag with me, dude.

Open the flock bag with me, dude.

Please don't close it me room.

Please don't place it in me.

Wow.

If you're wondering, we require these to be under a minute.

That was 55 seconds.

I think we got to start being.

Was that Megan?

I think it might be.

Actually, no, it was We All Have Bags by William Hickman.

Thank you so much to William Hickman.

And guys, speaking of thank you, I want to thank you for being on the show.

With Jason Manzukas, so wonderful to see you.

Say hello to Jason for us.

I I will.

When I see him next, when he's pulling out of his

garage,

that's usually when I see him, we have our conversations.

Hey, what are you bad?

Are you pulling in while he's pulling out?

No, I'm just hanging in the front.

Hanging with Zeus.

Hanging with Zekes.

Yeah.

In the front.

And I want to thank you, Sydney.

Oh, thank you.

And I apologize.

Oh, no problem.

I'm sorry.

I came in hot.

I brought my taser out.

I tasied you a couple of days.

No, sorry.

No problem.

It was silly.

It was silly.

I was desperate.

If I was mad at every single guest who wanted to rob me, starting off with the show.

I only have like $5 million left.

In any case, good luck to you.

I hope you do well.

Tinky.

Tinky and Schmink.

Oh, honey, we've had a wonderful time, even though we might not be getting your vote.

We've just had a fantastic time.

So Schmink and I are going to get on out of here.

That was me putting him back in my back.

Oh, he's on your back again.

Yep, he's connected to my back again.

Oh, wow.

Partners always beats his connection.

It's a suction.

thing.

It's a suction kind of thing.

That's the way the mucus sounds when he just settles back into his back.

Yeah.

I'm wondering if we've been talking about Schmink the whole time.

We haven't heard.

Did he just say goodbye at least?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, he sounds weird.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know if he has a voice for podcasts.

Looks like he sounds.

Yeah.

Well, thanks, Schmink.

Great to see you.

Bye, Schmink.

All right.

And thanks to all of you for listening.

We'll see you next week.

Thanks.

Bye.

Hey, everybody, it's Paul Scheer, host of How Did This Get Made, a podcast that covers the best, worst movies.

This week, we're diving into the brand new War of the Worlds reboot starring Ice Cube.

Yes, the movie that got 2% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Ice Cube is saving the world from aliens via his computer.

It's so convoluted, this plot, but basically, if you have an Amazon account, you can save the day just like Ice Cube.

There is so much going on in this movie.

So, join me, June, Diane, Rayfill, and Jason Manzukis, as we break down every bizarre choice and every Ice Cube one-liner on this week's episode of How Did This Get Made?

The podcast that makes sense of movies that don't.