The 16th Anniversary Show! (Jason Mantzoukas, Paul F. Tompkins, Ego Nwodim, Jessica McKenna, Edi Patterson, Lily Sullivan, Tim Baltz, Dan Lippert, Will Hines, Gil Ozeri)

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my friend has never seen a Keanu Reeves movie I got him up to speed welcome to comedy bang bang

I mean there's so much more to go

Yeah, I mean, there's decades.

There's so, so much more.

You're actually a bad friend.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, you're a bad friend for stopping at speed.

Considering they're just starting right now, I mean,

it's not bad.

I mean, because, you know, how many years did he have before Speed?

I mean, probably a solid decade.

Yeah.

So, I mean, one decade out of, he's got a 40 odd grunts

worth of a career.

Speaking of another actor with a band.

I think 40 odd feet of grunts.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

It was 40-odd feet of grunts.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week.

And this is a very special week because we are celebrating

our 16th anniversary.

1616, baby.

Can you imagine 16 of anything?

You come on like a dream.

Oh, who's this?

Hey, guys.

Hey, Shimmy.

Hey, Shimmy, what's going on?

Nothing much.

Just want to say happy anniversary.

Yeah, happy anniversary, dude.

Are you, Do you mean our 16th anniversary of the podcast?

What?

Is that happening too?

That's also at which anniversary

were you talking about?

Oh,

what's the anniversary again?

Something that happens every year.

Birth commemoration.

Happy birthday.

They shouldn't call it happy anniversary of your birth.

Yeah.

That's true.

It is not my birth, though.

Day.

This is not your birthday.

I'm not getting born today.

Oh, that's that's too bad.

I make it born today.

Wouldn't that be great if you took Christ as your Savior today?

Bye.

Hey,

geez.

Wow, it was good to see him, though, especially on the anniversary.

I love to see it.

Especially

on an anniversary.

He seemed to have no idea what we were celebrating, but he gave us a nice warm wishes.

16 years.

So, how old were you when you started this?

40?

Well, I was 13, I believe.

And yeah, and now I'm 29 years old.

And yeah, pretty incredible.

Let me introduce you because people obviously know your voice, but they may know your name a little bit more.

He is the co-host of his own podcast called How Did This Get Made?

He is also

an actor of note, and he is a contestant on the season of Taskmaster Season 19, which I believe is coming out this week or so.

If that's the case, then that's great news.

Thank you for shouting it out.

I believe it is.

Please welcome Jason Manzoukas.

Well, well, well, here we are all celebrating this, your sweet 16.

How long do you, you know that, do you, you, how you, am I feel younger internally?

Do you feel like the show's been going on long or are you like, oh, no, no, this is 16 years?

The first episode seems like 16 years ago, but it doesn't feel like it's been going on 16 years ago.

Does that make sense?

That does make sense.

The first episode on terrestrial radio.

That's what we're counting.

Yeah, well, it wasn't terrestrial.

It was computer radio.

It was computer radio.

Indie1031.com

was where the first episode was, and then we put it out as a podcast, as a LARC.

And now here we are, 16 years later.

It's

one of the world's biggest podcasts.

Oh, it is.

It's the world and the animal kingdom's biggest podcast.

Also, we have a new, this is very exciting.

We coined this a couple of weeks ago.

We have a new tagline, Comedy Bang Bang, We Care.

Oh, wow.

We care.

We care.

We care.

That's right.

Wow.

That is great.

That's very meaningful.

That's going to be

because people want that right now.

They do.

Yeah.

They need the solace in these turbulent times.

And I just want everyone to know out there that at Comedy Bang Bang, we care.

It's really clear.

We may not want to hear it, but we care.

It's wonderful to talk to you, but we have so many guests on the show that we need to get to them uh i believe you met this gentleman in boston i believe so and uh he is i mean there's so much to say about him he is

the owner of a malt shop

called bing lujo's malt shop oh yeah we heard all about it on the road i watched the music man with him and another pal yep and that's about all i remember about him uh he's a classic he is a classic please welcome back to the show bing lujo hey happy anniversary to you

Yeah, that's right.

I wasn't sure either, and now it's coming back.

It's me, Bing Lujio.

That's right.

Hi, Jason.

How are you?

Great to see you, Bing.

Great to see you.

Wonderful to see you, Bing.

So, how have you been since we watched last music, man?

Hold on a second.

What I

got to talk about.

What an auspicious occasion this is.

Thank you so much.

And congratulations.

60 years you've been doing this.

16.

That's what I said.

Oh, you did?

Okay.

I just wanted to make sure there was no confusion.

I've not been doing this for

60 years.

16 years.

That's what I said.

60 years.

Yeah, all right.

And I brought you, I hope you don't mind.

I don't mind anyone bringing me anything.

Okay,

because here it comes.

Okay.

It's a special anniversary malted.

Oh, my God.

I love malted.

And as you can see, it's in a container the size of a trash can.

Wow.

Oscar the Grouch style.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah.

He lived in a container the size of a trash can.

It happened to be a trash can, but it was the size of one.

Right.

I would not drink a malted out of a trash can.

Well, because it's not a trash can.

No, what is it?

It's a big malting cup.

Is it specially made?

I made it especially for you.

Wow.

I forged it myself in a forge.

Really?

Like

a suitor.

Who?

I don't know.

Justice David Souter?

Sure.

Serter, maybe?

I don't know.

Try and think of it as Guardian malts.

Oh, that's made up, so don't bother.

Oh, yeah, don't worry about it.

If you mispronounce all that shit, no one's going to get mad.

If you ever forget a made-up thing, who cares?

Exactly.

It doesn't matter.

Well, thank you so much.

Do you want to, did you bring three straws, I hope?

No.

I brought four straws.

Oh, who's the fourth four?

Yeah, I need to.

Oh, okay.

I have a problem for suction.

Yep.

It seems like, yeah, you have the reverse problem as well, where there's a lot of air coming out.

What do they mean?

What do you mean?

Are you talking?

Yeah, I mean, with the way you speak, it just seems like there's a kind of a waste of air.

A waste of air.

Oh, it's interesting.

So I'm hearing now notes.

These are notes on how you talk.

That almost sounded rude that you said what I'm talking is.

It's a waste of air.

Thank God it was almost because it was not rude.

Okay.

So here's how you do it.

Okay.

This is a malted.

Okay.

And of course it's very thick.

It's got chunks.

Oh, I love that.

Just like the Goonies did.

I don't understand the things that you say.

I think they just had a singular chunk.

We're a different generation, so I understand.

But

why do you say these things?

Are you trying to trick me?

I'm not sure.

No, no, this is not any kind of a game.

I'm an old man, okay?

Yeah.

And my wife just died yesterday.

Wait, the last time

you talked your wife had died the day before.

Oh, Bing.

I'm so sorry.

My wife passed out.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Oh, gosh.

I'm so sorry.

This is

an old lady.

She had a Google

long life.

She had a Google long life.

She Googled long life?

She had one.

Oh, she Googled long life,

and yet your name is Bing.

I remember we were sitting on.

Wow.

the couch.

She turned to me and said, I want to live a long time.

And I said, Google it.

And she did.

And were there tips or just said, this is what a long life is?

How long ago was that conversation?

She looked at how long the oldest person lived.

And she said, well, not that far.

Okay.

And then she knocked a few years off.

Oh, wow.

How long was that?

How long ago was that conversation?

This conversation was last week.

Oh, no.

So, oh,

why did she knock that many years off if it made her die in a week?

Oh, that's awful.

I don't think she was really concentrating when she.

I mean, could she have known?

We were watching the TV show.

We were half paying attention.

What was the show?

Was it something that made her think that it would be great to have a long life, but not too, too long?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Was it perhaps the movie Cocoon?

What?

Cocoon?

What'd that be?

It was a Ron Howard movie.

Cocoon.

Was that somebody's name?

No, I don't think anyone was named name.

Is that the sound a bird makes i don't think anyone was named cockun

in any case ping so wonderful to have you what flavor is this malt did you say this is it's it's a black and white it's chocolate and vanilla i love that um and there's also some surprises in there you know how in new orders they do the king cake in new order there's what

in new orleans they do the king cake oh the king cake oh that's what i've heard about

a little surprise in there oh right the baby oh yeah sometimes people bake a cake there's a coin in there.

Oh, right.

Sometimes in certain cultures, they'll put like ground glass.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, wow.

Sometimes they'll put human blood in a cake.

Oh, okay.

If you could think it, they put it in a cake.

And whatever it is, that's the king cake.

So is there something in this one that we should be doing?

There's nothing dangerous.

It's fun.

So I urge you to start slurping away.

All right.

Here we go.

Jason, are you ready for this?

And I'll join you.

Yeah, you got two of these drums.

Yeah, I need two because I got a problem.

Yeah.

With suction because they chunks.

All right, here we go.

Ready?

Chunks.

Oh my God, Bing, are you all right?

Do you need the Henderson movement?

Bing?

Oh, my God.

As long as he's coughing, that's good.

Okay, you're good.

Yeah.

All right.

Do you need

any sort of CPR?

You got a chunk?

Okay.

Just let it just let it melt in there.

It It was a surprise.

It was just a chunk.

Is it something meltable?

If it's meltable, have some water.

Have some water.

Yeah.

Oh, well, you know, I don't really drink water though.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Because it was water because the pipes are all rusty and stuff.

You know what I mean?

So sometimes it's good to send something else down after.

Yeah, I drink Pepsi instead of water.

Do you want a shot of Pepsi?

Yeah, if you got it.

Maybe what about a shot of tequila or something like that?

No, no, no.

I don't drink.

Oh, that's right.

I'm not a drinker.

You're a totaler.

You're devout, aren't you?

I can't recall.

No.

Or is that someone else that was there?

Might be somebody else.

Okay, right.

Yeah.

I've been to church, though.

Oh.

Yeah, I prayed.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

It just didn't just didn't.

It didn't.

Didn't stick?

I couldn't figure out if anything happened or not.

Yeah.

Oh, what did you pray for?

Well, that's why you have to have faith.

Yeah.

You know?

Oh.

Yeah.

Is that why?

It stinks.

No heal.

Did you pray for something for me?

I did.

What was it?

I did.

When I walk outside, please let me see an elephant.

And then you

you don't know whether you saw an elephant or no i definitely did not see an elephant you did not so yeah

maybe it was hiding somewhere or maybe but i did pray to see one well but then you didn't put a time limit on it you could still you have walked outside now

and the elephant could be you could see it at any point have you been to a zoo since then and seen an elephant that doesn't count that's me going to the elephant you want the elephant to come to you I want to be walking outside and letting see an elephant.

I mean, that's not a lot to ask.

It would be great.

We have God is so powerful, he can't do that.

Yeah, you're right.

No, it would be cool.

But do you, so you want to see it just anecdotally in your world, like in the supermarket parking lot?

That's a good place.

Right?

Are you a fan of elephants?

Why do you want this?

I won't call myself a fan.

I think they're neat.

They are neat.

I mean,

would you want to ride the elephant or is this, do you have some unfinished business?

I wish wish you hadn't said that for you because, yes, I do have some unfinished business.

With elephants or un-elephants?

With elephants.

Oh, wow.

What is the unfinished business?

Do you mind?

I said, the right one.

Okay.

I was promised when I was a child.

Who would promise such a thing?

My daddy.

Oh, wow.

Mr.

Mujo.

My dear old daddy.

Wow.

Did he start the malt shop?

Is this a family business?

He did not start the malt shop because he was very angry when I started the malt shop.

Wow.

He said, no son of mine is ever going to make a drink with chunks.

Oh, wow.

And I said, I live my own life.

I said, I do not want your life.

Yeah.

What was his, what did he do for a living?

He was an assassin.

Oh, wow.

Anyone famous that he got?

Whoa, that's so interesting.

Anybody famous?

Yeah, like Osama bin Laden or Hitler?

Yeah, what are you doing?

Any of the bigs?

Any of the bigs?

You think the same person who could have done Osama bin Laden could have done Hitler?

No, I'm just saying one person could have done either.

That would be amazing.

One person could have done it.

What a career.

What a career.

Oh, they gotta call him back for one last score.

Look, we know you got Hitler.

You're the best of the best.

You're the only guy we can trust to do this, Bing Senior.

My dad killed Sasquatch.

Oh,

is that a government?

The government had him do it.

Oh, Sasquatch is very political.

Oh, that's a bummer.

He was going to reveal a lot of political secrets.

Oh, no.

So Sasquatch is a name.

sasquatch is is is that's the that's that his name was thomas sasquatch the cryptid name thomas

thomas nobody ever calls i wonder why we never see pictures of him anymore remember that famous one of him you know with his arms out he didn't like that picture he didn't like that one that's why you don't see pictures it's so hard because you know when you when you've taken pictures of yourself and you're like oh i like this one i like that one but i hate this one the only one that is exists of him he hates that's terrible and this is before please delete you know what i mean yeah so it's like that picture was it forever and then it's like, let's take another one.

It's like, no, no, no, no.

I don't see myself with pictures.

Yeah.

This was serious.

Was he on the run?

Was your father

on the lamb afterwards?

Or?

The government just sold him.

No.

Oh, wow.

And he had to run around the world forever.

He might still be out there.

Oh, now.

So

you haven't confirmed that he's bad.

It's not a confirmed kill of my dad, death-wise.

And he could be, I mean, if he's still alive,

he'd have to be 160.

Maybe.

How old was he when he had you?

He was an older dad.

Sure.

Yeah.

But how old?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, I was a baby.

How old are you?

You don't know.

You have no idea.

If he was alive, he'd be 160.

How old are you?

I'm pretty up.

I'm pretty up.

You seem older.

I'm pretty up.

I'm 60.

Well, I'm older than 60.

Okay, so he was like 100 when he had you,

which is pretty fucking rad for him.

Wait, if I'm.

No,

you both could be 80.

That's, I guess, it.

I mean, that's the great thing about being a man is you can father a child at any age.

That's incredible.

Robert De Niro knows.

Bobby D.

That's right.

Yeah.

The stars of heat.

Yes.

Can you imagine if they had talked about that at that diner street?

They were sat down at Cape Mantalini restaurant.

Was that it, Cape Mantellini?

It was.

That's weird.

Do you think that it could be on a cutting room floor where they tell you each other, let's have babies while we're old med?

I think it might be, yeah.

I'd love to see that scene.

First, they say,

let's go to lunch at Kate Mantalini and talk about the children we'd like to have as we are octogenarians.

Hopefully, that'll be a scene in Heat 2.

They'll just use some of that found family.

Robert Zidero, he was a bad guy, and Al Patino, he was the good guy.

And then he decided, Truce, let's have lunch.

Let's have lunch.

Yes.

Hey, let's do lunch.

And then,

and then,

they pitch each other TV pilots.

Which, as is customary at Cape Management,

if you're going to sit in one of the booths, you better be pitching a TV project.

After all, it is downstairs from Mosaic, or at least it used to be.

It is.

No, not Mosaic 360.

Oh, 3DS Management 360.

How could I forget?

Well, it's wonderful to have you, Bing.

Thank you so much for being here.

It's great to be here.

I want to tell you

that you should be proud of yourself for this accomplishment.

Thank you so much.

Because in life, a lot of times we don't get to do things for very long.

That's true.

A lot of people, they start something, they give it up.

I mean, the podcast graveyard is littered with podcasts of people who said, hey, I have a great idea for a podcast.

And then they did six episodes and were like, this is a pain in the ass.

Yeah.

Still a great idea, though.

Still a great idea.

Too bad.

I was just going to say, it's good that we keep the Tomb of the Unknown podcaster lit.

Yep.

The fire at the Tomb of the Unknown Podcaster.

What were you going to say, Bing?

I was going to say, whether it's doing a podcast or going to elephant riding school, if you get to do it for a long time,

you are blessed.

What are the basic tips of riding elephants that you've been to school for?

Oh, you learned about riding elephants?

Oh, yeah, sure.

But he never got to.

No,

you've been to school.

He's been to school, though.

Yeah, but they don't let you ride the elephant until the last day.

Oh, and you haven't reached the last day yet?

My dad pulled me out of school.

I'm so sorry.

We had to go assassinate Jim Jones.

Whoa, what?

Were you the guy who poured the Kool-Aid?

No, Jim did that himself.

Oh, okay.

He thought it was regular Kool-Aid.

My dad poisoned it.

Oh, good.

Jim Jones actually had pretty good intentions.

He's very

like, hey, everyone enjoys Kool-Aid.

He's like, hey, it's a hot day.

And so your dad would pull you out of school and just bring you along.

He's a single dad.

Wow, yeah.

So you must have been like

a Kraber versus Kraba kind of relationship.

Like, where else did you guys travel to?

Like, what an exciting kind of

sister.

where did we travel to maybe dallas maybe we did not go to dallas okay cuba it had already been taken care of okay we didn't go to cuba we went to aruba jamaica okay jamaica jamaica oh i want to take you

maybe key largo we got there fast and then we took things slow oh that's good i think the beach boys were singing about assassination oh whoa i wow wait what do you know that song kocobo did you ever go to

course i've been to kokobo with my dad whoa were the Beach Boys?

Beach Boys was a PSYOP.

Were they sending messages to Bing Lujo Sr.?

Oh, my God.

This is like a dead drop.

They shouldn't have been doing that.

They shouldn't have been doing that.

I blame Stamos.

Oh, yeah.

Just loose lips.

It's Stamos and Mike Love, though.

Blamos.

Blamos.

Blamos, thank you.

Blamos Rancheros?

Making me hungry.

All right, Bing.

Well, we do need to get to our next guest.

I hope you don't mind.

I don't care.

Okay, great.

Let's welcome them back to the show it's so it's so special to talk to this person um they've been on the show so many times uh please welcome back to the show uh pastor pasta pasta pasta past pastor pasta pastor pasta how are you pastor the pasta pasta

i know that's right that is right hello so great to see you

hello halo halo put a halo on some rigatoni uh if you know what i'm saying a halo of parmesan cheese does that appeal to you that is very appealing to me Congratulations on your anniversary.

Thank you so much, Past the Pasta.

Yeah, I'm just so impressed with what you've done here at the Comedy Bang Bang Theater.

I think it is awesome.

Repertory theater.

Oh, wow.

Repertory.

Okay.

How long have you been doing what you now?

For those of those of you out there who don't know Pasta Pasta, you are a

clergy person.

Clergy person, thank you.

Right.

And you have a special affinity for the

food food that comes to us from Italy.

Yeah, and I'm starting to make some in my backyard, actually.

All right, backyard pasta?

I got a dispensary.

I'm getting a dispensary going.

Oh, a pasta dispensary?

Dispensary?

Yeah.

Oh, you can dispense things other than pot, right?

You can dispense whatever the hell you want.

Napkin.

Think about it.

You can dispense.

You can dispense.

You can dispense whatever you want.

Wisdom.

Tampons.

You can dispense wisdom.

You can dispense wisdom.

You could input tampons and dispense them as well.

Yeah, they go in and out.

Little ball bearings.

Whatever you like.

So, you know, I'm going to be honest with you.

This is Bing Lujo.

Bing.

Bing.

It is wonderful to meet you.

It's wonderful to meet you, Pastor.

I love your voice.

Thank you.

I love yours as well.

I appreciate that.

It seems you're lying.

You seem to stutter.

Can you tell, do you have people's tells?

Can you,

you know, when they're lying, can you see

a body?

Are you a body language actor?

I can read bodies.

I know how to read bodies.

Yeah, if you're talking body.

If you're talking body, I'm talking, I know what.

I know what you're saying.

But

as a person of the cloth, can you really, should you be reading bodies?

Well, I'm not doing anything once I read them.

I'm not doing anything with the information.

I'm not getting excited or nothing like that.

I'm just reading the bodies.

And I really just wanted to come to say, this is awesome what you guys have done here at the Comedy Bang Bang Repertory Theater.

Thank you.

I am so pleased.

And it's the evolution of this podcast, as well as my own professional career, has been inspiring to me.

And we've been going in sort of tandem.

Our careers have been on the upswing.

Absolutely.

In fact, at one point, you know, I passed away.

That's, oh, I forgot about that.

I passed away.

What happened with that?

You passed away.

I passed away.

I ate too much pasta.

What happened with that?

How'd you come back to life?

How'd I come back?

The same way Christ did.

Oh.

Oh, after three days.

After three days, my daddy brought me back to life.

Oh, wow.

Can I ask you?

We know that that's when, how long it took, but we don't know how he came back to life.

Did he like hook him up to a machine?

Oh, there was no machine.

I was laid, I was laid out in a tub of

marinara sauce, right?

I was laid out, they thought it was blood, but it was just tomato sauce, sure, right?

And you're just laying there like a pre-cog?

Like a what did you call me?

Excuse me, from the movie Minority Report.

What did you call me?

Uh

pre pre-cog, pre-cog minority.

What all these slurs.

I'm sorry, sorry.

Oh, it's a pre-cog.

Pre-cognition.

They can see the future.

And so you could be COG and post-COG?

Post-COG is you're a historian.

Cog is, you're just a person watching things.

Okay, all right.

Well, then I would say I'm COG.

But they would lay around in a big bath of milk.

Did that have anything to do with their precognitive abilities or did they just like it?

Pre-I think they were just fancy.

It felt to me like

they were trying to suggest that they were some sort of a serial.

Well, I'm some sort, in many ways, I'm some sort of a cereal.

You think they were trying to market a cereal for a certain amount of money?

I thought that the minority report tie-in was little precogs

and that you could put milk in them and

could you call it a marginalized report by chance?

Okay, yeah.

It's like changing master bedroom to primary.

Yes, exactly.

You know, we need to change the verbiage around that.

We do need to be mindful of our words.

And as a pastor, pastor, I'm one to know.

And so I just think it's amazing what you've done here

you have said that now three times okay we will well as a pastor I oftentimes find myself repeating myself so that the congregation can really are you selling pasta out of your um out of the dispensary I am selling pasta out of the dispensary in my backyard and how does it how are sales like do you feel as though the church is bringing in your your either the congregation is bringing your your message to the congregation or through the pasta itself the pasta itself The pasta is speaking to people.

That's just it.

Is it kind of like the body of Christ, the wafer?

It is.

You break it, but in this case, we boil it.

You boil the body and then you slather it and salt.

All things al dente.

Al dente.

Oh, the firmness of Christ.

I do enjoy al dente.

I prefer things to be al dente.

Al dente.

Imagine.

Al dente.

Yeah, everything is better al dente.

Al dente.

I feel like, how has there not been someone on this show named Al Dente?

That should be.

We just have real people on the show.

That's it.

And I haven't found that person.

Yeah, maybe.

And somebody somebody that'll show up for sure maybe a relative of mine is named Al Dente.

I don't know maybe someone a guy named Carl Tom do you have do you have I don't know that guy do you have any relatives named Al let's just ask right now named Al Dente I do have a relative named Al Dente

I do have a relative named Al Dente you'll meet him soon enough okay for sure

um you absolutely meet him soon enough I'm taking

in my i telephone like a threat yeah you're gonna meet him you pissed him off yeah and so I things have been going great.

Tariffs are not impacting me one bit.

Oh, yeah, well, you make everything in-house.

I make everything in-house, yes, in my backyard of the house.

In the backyard of the house,

backyard of the house.

So in the house, which is the backyard of the house.

You understand.

I like the backyard to be the backyard of the house.

You make your own sauce?

Yeah, I make my own sauce.

Yeah, I like what you did there.

A little New York-ish Italian-ish.

Hey, bada bing.

Bada bing, bada boom.

Okay.

Yeah, so I'm making my my own sauce.

I've really evolved here, and it's going to be a big day tomorrow.

People are going to be coming over to eat pasta and here to work.

Are you only serving

on Tuesday?

On Tuesday, yeah.

Great.

It's going to be, it's a great Tuesday.

See,

everyone does church on Sundays.

There must be so much competition.

You're doing it on a different day, so you get everyone.

I'm doing it on a different day, and I'm serving food.

Here's what I'm going to say, and I hope that you don't find this rude.

Please.

I feel like your

desire.

I'm offended.

I feel like you would rather be a restaurateur than a clergyman, A clergy person.

It seems as though you're more focused on the pasta than the people.

I'd never considered that, you see.

I was born to be a clergy person.

Okay.

My father was a clergy person.

His father was a clergy person.

His neighbor was a clergy person.

Okay.

That's a large community of clergy people.

Clergy people.

Cast it down.

And I didn't, I didn't, I don't think

running

from neighbor to grandfather to father.

I think running Judas Raudu followed in his neighbor's footsteps.

Exactly.

No neighbor of mine is going to do that.

And

that's what I'm trying to tell you.

And so, you know, the notion of running a restaurant just felt so radical.

That felt radical.

Two daughter even.

What?

But you like, you know, you know 80s slang really well because you're in your 80s.

You have to understand.

I might look aged, but I'm a bit of a young person.

No, of course.

Yeah, I'm a bit of a young person.

And me, I'm gnarly.

100 years old, I understand.

You're saying everything you're saying,

Bing, is totally random.

Bing, I'm going to be honest, Bing.

I am a big fan of yours.

Thank you so much, Bashan.

And I'm going to ask you something that, and I don't hope that you don't take offense to this.

I don't hope that you don't take offense to this.

You don't hope that I take offense to this.

Well, I'm not going.

I assure you, I won't take offense to what I'm about to say.

If I was going to take offense, I would perhaps not say it.

But I hope you don't take offense to what I am about to say.

Okay.

Have you ever thought about Invisalign?

It can be.

Or even Visalign.

Yes, just

braces.

Just regular braces.

Or just a line.

Because I feel like you have a bit of a lisp.

Is that accurate?

I have a lot of air coming out.

Not much going in.

I got not much going in.

I do have sort of a thing going on, yeah.

But I don't know.

What if what if just like me and Mrs.

Jones?

The same place is the same.

We got a thing going on.

But

changing the shape of my teeth, would that help it?

I don't think you need to change the shape of your teeth.

I think the shape of your teeth are gorgeous.

Yeah, they're teeth shaped.

They're gorgeous.

Yeah.

What do you want?

Like round?

I just, it's a lot of air.

It's a lot of air.

And I don't know if you heard about the environment, what's going on.

Oh, no, what happened?

They say it's going down.

Oh, they say it's going down.

Don't we need it?

We need it to be here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I need it to grow my pasta.

It just seems like you have a lot of.

I'm sorry.

You're growing your pasta.

Yeah, what does this mean?

How are you growing that pasta?

Where and how?

Pasta seeds.

Oh,

all you need to do is have faith the size of pasta seed.

Oh, wow.

And are these from Italy pasta seeds?

Yes, they're from Italy.

Modena.

Oh, really?

Modena.

Modena woman.

Modena.

Yeah.

Modina woman.

More dinner?

Modina woman to me.

Modena woman to me.

Modina woman to me.

Modena woman to me.

Yeah.

Where chef massimo is?

Yeah, where massimo is.

Yes.

So

yes, so they're from

modina woman to me.

Modena woman to you?

Modina.

This is, I mean, this sounds like a great business plan.

Yeah, you can put, because oftentimes,

oftentimes,

the work of doing all the dough and the water and then the machine, and then it's cutting the pasta.

Who has time for that?

Yeah, so this is instant.

You could grow it in your backyard.

But we're not, I'm not going to tell you where exactly I get the seeds

lest I wouldn't be making sales.

Yeah.

But is this like maybe like a haggard witch soul?

What did you call me?

Some sort of old crone, perhaps, gave you these magic seeds?

I don't dibble and dabble in

magic and witchcraftery.

Any dibbling?

What's that?

Don't we have Dibble and Dabble coming up on the show?

They might be a little bit later.

And Al Dente will be here, too.

Yeah, at some point.

If Al Dente doesn't show up, I'm fine.

Al Dente will have to show up.

Oh, look.

You have not talked passionately about Christ, the church,

spoken rapturously about although.

Speaking of the rapture.

Yes, please.

Oh, when's it going down?

Some of y'all, some of y'all are not getting swept up in the sauce.

Some of y'all are going to have to stay here.

No.

Yeah, some of y'all are going to have to stay here unless you give your life to Orzo.

To Orzo?

Hey,

Pastor, what happens after the rapture when everybody goes up and all the clothes and shoes are lying around?

What happens to the people that are left behind?

The leftovers, let's say.

So the leftovers, that's a great way to put it.

Well, they go to hell simply.

Right away?

Straight away to hell.

And why is it just empty?

So that's basically the leftovers getting reheated.

I mean, in a sense, but really reheated.

They're getting burnt.

Oh, okay.

They're getting burnt.

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense for like there's still to be people here on earth.

I think just like half the people go up to heaven, half the other half go up.

Well, you heard what's going on with Earth, right?

What's up?

It's going down.

It's going down.

Yeah.

It's going down to hell.

I don't know if you heard.

Yeah, it's going down.

And so we don't have to too much worry about what's going to happen here.

But in the interim, I am selling different pastas out of my backyard.

If anyone is interested before the big day,

I'll take two orders, whatever an order means.

Yeah, I'll get a couple.

What's in season right now?

Right now in season, we've got farfale.

Okay.

Linguine.

Yeah.

Spaghetti.

Great.

Always in season.

Angel hair, of course.

Oh, wow.

Always, always in season.

We're for a planet that's going down.

It's good to be in touch with the angels.

That's exactly my point.

How do you get their hair, though?

how do you get their hair i could tell you but um and i'm going to

so

so

so in modena sure the way modena got its name is those it's moden a name modena name modena woman okay

so there the the legend has it that it was a woman named uh marie so

marie so lived in that region of italy right and every day she would cut her hair.

She had beautiful locks.

Beautiful locks.

And would they all grow back in 24 hours?

Quickly, less than, even 12 even.

And

a little bit like that.

Yeah.

A little bit like that, but not quite, because nobody was climbing up her head.

Okay, so.

That's the one major difference.

I would say the one big difference.

She even had her shit dangling out a window.

I was hoping for that.

Excuse my friend.

This is a Christian podcast.

I think so, yeah.

We forgot to mention that.

So you're going to bleep that out for me.

Okay.

All right.

So.

I think we're out of bleeps.

No, how many bleeps per episode?

No, we ran out earlier in the year.

How much is one bleep?

Yeah, one bleep,

probably $8,000.

I got that for you.

You got that.

Thank you so much.

I got that for you.

Okay.

Because, again, I'm doing well with these sales, all right?

Okay.

So she would chop off her hair, right, every 12 hours, and it would grow back.

Luscious, gorgeous locks.

And she had a partner.

His name was Modena.

Oh, his name is Modena.

And what were it coming from?

What was her name again?

Her name was Marie Sol.

Okay, got Marisol and Modena.

Yep.

Okay.

So he would tell her she looked like an angel.

Are you following?

Yeah.

Sort of.

Is everybody following?

Absolutely.

And I'm right there with you.

Okay, yes, yes.

Oh, I keep spitting on my face.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Does anybody have a handkerchief?

I left my hand.

You are in the splash zone.

I am in the splash zone.

I had her the first five thousand.

That's what I tell my congregation.

You in the splash zone.

You're going to get hit with the spot.

I do have one of these ponchos, if you want to put that.

Okay, yeah.

I'm going to put it.

That's a branded poncho.

Don't be offended.

I hope you're not offended that I'm not a poncho.

That's why I bought the poncho.

Okay.

Look, that's my faith on you.

Oh, wow.

This is the malt shop poncho.

That's right.

This is really cool.

I might be interested in getting ponchos from my congregation.

Oh, yeah.

Pasta chosen what's that?

Pasta chosen.

You should have put pasta and ponchos together.

I wanted to do it, but I don't think I did a good job.

Ponchas?

Pasta?

Yeah.

Maybe they don't belong together.

Sometimes you need to stick to your own kind.

Not sure what you mean by that.

Just words.

Oh, words.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, of course.

Sometimes words need to stick to their own kind.

Why are you still talking about words?

Right.

They're just words.

They're just words, and some of them don't belong together.

Exactly.

Why is that so crazy?

Why y'all look uncomfortable?

Why y'all look uncomfortable?

I'm allowed to say this.

If anybody's allowed to say it, I'm allowed to say this.

If anyone, you are.

Yeah, exactly.

Okay.

Well, possibly.

You didn't even finish hearing the story, Angel.

Okay,

to be honest, I was lost.

So I thought that was.

I thought I was doing a great job.

You were.

Thank you.

Cut to the end quickly.

Basically, she passed passed away.

Okay.

Passed away?

She passed away.

She went to passed away?

She went the passed away.

No.

And passed away.

Went ahead and passed away.

Although, I bet everyone is dead from back then, anyway.

From back then?

Like, how long ago was this?

And she died.

She lived her average life expectancy.

So it wasn't tragic enough.

Was this hundreds of years ago?

This was maybe 2,000 years ago.

Yeah, everyone's died.

From then until that.

So there's no trace of that.

And she lived to be like 95.

Yeah.

Anyway, pretty good, too, right?

Pretty good.

Especially for that time.

For 2,000 years.

You know, the average life expectancy was probably like 40.

40, right.

I mean, Methuselah, he like really skewed the numbers.

But that's the thing.

Her lover.

Is that who I'm talking about?

Do you think he was just like 60 and then they were like, I don't know, this guy's got 2,000 years.

Look at this guy's gray hair.

We've never seen it because everyone else died by 25 back then.

I guess y'all don't care about the history.

Yeah, not really, honestly.

Okay.

Every time a pastor walks into a room, everybody shuts down and starts acting well-behaved or boring and stuff.

And that's something that I'm grappling with.

How come people don't name their their kids Methuselah?

I know.

Methuselah.

It's a classic.

Why don't people name their kids Fettuccine?

By the way, even better.

Why don't people name their kids freaking

Bucatini?

Do you think Boba Fett's full name is Boba Fettuccine?

That's a whole meal.

Boba T.

Fettuccini.

You think it's Boba T.

Fettuccini?

And those two words do belong together.

You know, Boba T, Fettuccini.

Those two belong together.

Well, Pasa Pasa, it's great to have you here.

Well, I guess you'll never know the legendary hair.

I'm sorry, we do have another guest.

Oh, no, that's

who's waiting to come.

Stick to your guns.

Stick to your guns and your little schedule.

Pastor, will you privately tell me this?

I will tell you.

Okay, so I'm going to be okay.

So then.

Okay, while I introduce the next guest, go ahead and have this conversation.

And then

coming up on the show, we have a

child prodigy.

Oh, a CP?

A CP is definitely going to be here.

Let's see.

Why don't we talk to them?

In fact, I'll introduce them to you.

I'm talking to them right now.

Why not?

Please welcome back to the show.

I believe we talked to this person in England

somewhere.

Yes, Mr.

Ockerman.

Manchester, perhaps?

That's right, Mr.

Ockerman.

Please welcome.

It's so pleasant to see you on this fine spring day, Mr.

Ockerman.

Of course, please welcome back Bruce Banner, a.k.a.

Lil Hulk.

Oh, we don't talk about that other side of me.

Oh, no, Mr.

Ockerman.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, so quick to talk about my little green guy.

Oh!

I beg your pardon.

No, no, it's quite all right.

You got to, he really, he took up the lion's share of my time in Manchester.

We barely got to talk about my fascinating music career because that little green guy came out.

I don't really recall anything that we talked about other than when he came out.

Yep, that's true because you and me barely discussed anything, Mr.

Rock.

Is that what you're here to talk about today?

Yes, I would love to talk about me, Bruce Banner, a child prodigy, in music.

Oh, but that's what you're a prodigy for.

If you don't know, hi, Jason Manzuga.

It's great.

Thank you, Jason.

How are you?

Nice to see you.

Nice to see you.

Good to see you.

Bing Lujo, of course.

Bing.

Hello, child.

Sorry, could you say your last name one more time for me?

I don't call adults by their first names.

My name is Bing Lujio.

Mr.

Lujio, a pleasure.

You can remember this by thinking when the movie Cujo came out.

Oh.

Oh, I'm going to Bing Cujo times to go to the theater.

Or as Bing would do it, Google it.

Yeah, and then just take the little top part of the seat off.

He lost me, Mr.

Ackerman, and

I'm a problem.

Because I was going to say the same thing, and I wanted to get him back because that was a long walk.

And what the fuck?

What was that?

She talked about this on a previous episode.

It's easy to remember.

And I do forgive you.

I am a child, so could we bleep that out?

Yeah, and I'll be able to do that.

Are you going to any more bleeps?

You're going to take care of this one?

$16,000 right now.

Okay, let's do those bleeps right now.

Ready?

Okay, there we go.

Two right in a row.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, your last name?

Pastor.

Pastor.

Yeah.

Reverend Pastor?

Pastor, Pastor.

Pastor, Pastor.

Yes.

Okay,

Pastor, Pastor.

Pastor, Pastor?

Pastor, Pastor.

Pastor, Pastor?

Pastor, Pastor.

We already went through the.

Did we already do pasta?

Oh, I went to the break.

No, no, in fact, Pastor Pasta didn't bring any free samples.

No, because

I'm making money off all this.

Yeah, well, that makes sense.

Yeah.

Well, that makes a lot of sense.

Let's answer your question from a Methuselah years ago.

I played Glockenspiel, the cello, the piano, the harp, the dulcimer.

A lot of string instruments.

These are all percussion instruments, I believe.

You're hitting one thing with another thing.

That's true.

You consider Glockenspiel your number one instrument since you mentioned the first.

I do keep.

Well, it's the way I found music.

Mr.

Cujo, I forgot how I was supposed to say it.

Lujo.

Lujo.

Yeah, Mr.

Lujo Cujo.

Remember it like somebody said, hi, my name is Bing Lujo.

It's like if somebody said poncho, but it was Lujo.

Oh, like a pasta.

Like a pasta, Lujo?

Take the picture away.

A pasta.

All these mnemonic devices are making me so frustrated.

No, no, no.

I'm so, I can't contain all these mnemonic

Bruce, Bruce, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, calm down.

What's going on?

What's up, everybody?

Oh,

okay.

Lil Hulk is here.

Lil Hulk.

Oh, no.

Hi, Lil Hulk.

Hey.

Hey, remember me?

Oh, yeah.

You remember me?

You remember me, Lil Hulk?

Yeah, I, in fact, just said your name.

What's up, Losers?

I'm Lil Hulk.

Oh, a loser.

Hey, Lil Hulk.

Losers.

Yeah.

Oh, is that a little jerk out here trying to talk about Dock and Spiel?

Yeah, honestly.

It's so boring.

It kind of was, honestly.

What are you into, Lil Hulk?

Oh, Smash.

Yeah,

hell yeah.

Purple shorts, Lil Hulk.

Yeah, this guy's fucking cool.

Are you going to see the musical Smash?

Adapted for the Stage?

Yeah.

Lil Hulk wants to know: Should Lil Hulk watch the show first?

Yeah.

Okay, Lil Hulk added to Lil Hulk's list.

Lil' Hulk, are you going to go see Death Becomes Her?

Lil Hulk wants to know.

Adaptive for the stage?

Adapted for the stage.

Lil Hulk wants to know, should Lil' Hulk watch the original movie first?

Sure, is there an original movie?

Okay, yeah, all right.

Lil Hulk added to his list.

Lil Kulk.

Who's your definitive mama rose?

Ah.

little Hulk's got to say, Patty.

Patty.

Lil Hulk loves Patty.

Lil' Hulk loves when Patty says, Turn that fucking cell phone off.

Sorry, Lil Hulk's good for a bunch of bleeps.

That was to me, by the way.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, Lil Hulk.

That's the first time Lil Hulk shows up.

Stupid little Bruce Banner was watching video of that.

Lil Hulk got so angry someone would defy Miss Patty like that.

Lil' Hulk showed up.

So, Lil Hulk, you share the same obsession with musical things.

Oh, sure, sure.

But you don't play play any of the instruments.

Do you like the Glockenspiel?

Smash.

Yeah.

I think that means yes.

Marimba only.

Marimba.

Oh, oh.

Smash means no.

That's my iPhone ringtone.

Yeah, Marimba.

I remember Marimba.

Yes, yes.

Yes.

You love a Marimba.

Is that the one that all TV characters have?

I think that is the one because it's the default Marimba Hulk.

Lil' Hulk is like, it's not the theme song for Sex in the City, but Lil Hulk thinks it's so close.

Lil Hulk wonders how they got away with that.

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

Lil' Hulk, how have you watched Sex in the City?

Lil Hulk has it on Lil Hulk's list.

Lil Hulk has a big list to show.

Lil Hulk, big list.

Yeah, right.

Right now.

Next up for Lil Hulk is Northern Exposure for Lil Hulk.

Oh, wow.

Wow, you're really going.

That's a time and place.

Lil Hulk loves physical media.

Lil Hulk found one season was in like Lil Coat.

Lil Hulk thought that was very funny.

Lil Hulk,

are you going to watch Dying for Sex?

Lil' Hulk not physical media.

Lil' Hook love her.

I believe you're talking about one of the Michelle Williamses.

Which Michelle Williams do you love?

Lil' Hulk love both.

That's the right answer.

That's the right answer.

Lil' Hook love both.

Lil Hulk love Michelle Williams.

Lil' Hulk wants Michelle Williams back in features.

Okay, okay.

Lil Hulk thinks too many movie stars in television

and too many TV stars in commercials.

Lil' Hook agrees.

How do the people work?

Where's the middle class?

But Lil Hulk,

do you not think think of Michelle Williams as from Dawson's Creek?

Oh, Lil Hulk adds to the list.

Dawson's Creek.

Oh, okay.

I mean, physical media, that would be a pretty good VHS box set.

Ooh, Lil' Hulk covets a box set.

Lil Hulk.

Lil' Hulk, is he listening to Britley Spears' audiobook?

Lil' Hulk does not F with audiobooks.

Oh, really?

Lil Hulk, physical media, Lil Hulk, read memoir hard because Lil Hulk wants to hear it in the artist's voice.

Lil Hulk listens to a record of the artist.

Then Lil' Hulk reads memoir out loud.

Well this was in Michelle Williams' voice, I believe.

Oh, Lil Hulk?

Lil Hulk didn't know this?

Lil' Hulk did not know this.

Oh yeah.

Okay, Michelle Williams, Lil Hulk, and Michelle Williams gotta talk.

Michelle Williams belongs in features.

I think she belongs in Destiny's Child, so we have a difference of opinion.

Say my name, say my name.

Oh, yeah, Lil' Hulk.

Ooh, Lil' Hulk love hearing Lil' Hulk's own name.

Lil' Hulk, have you ever met the regular Hulk?

Big Hulk?

Big Hulk,

not in this planet time.

Is Big Hulk your father?

No, Lil Hulk, different planet, different time.

Little Hulk, multiverse.

Multiverse, Lil Hulk.

Lil Hulk, this one.

Were you, Lil Hulk?

Was Bruce Banner exposed to gamma radiation?

Were you exposed to gamma radiation as a little kid?

Wow.

Yeah, Bruce Banner fell in a puddle.

You are a little kid, so did this happen recently?

Yeah.

Two years ago, Lil Hulk was running around, going to music practice, had to learn the Glockage field, slipped and fell into a gamma puddle.

No, they have to stop leaving those lying around.

Lil' Hulk's stupid saddle shoes untied all the time.

Oh, man, I'm not sure.

This fucking nerd.

Is that Lil Puddle the same thing Alex Mac used to throw up or turn into?

Yeah.

Alex Mack?

Lil' Hulk add to the list.

Okay.

Thanks so much.

Larissa.

Clarissa explains it.

Hulk.

Clarke.

Explains it.

Hulk?

Yeah.

Is that anything?

That's not.

Keep digging around.

I bet we'll find.

Lil Hulk, do you have hopes and dreams?

I mean, it must be tough sharing a body.

But, I mean, do you maybe have things you want to do?

Lil' Hulk wishes Lil Hulk and stupid nerd Bruce Banner were more like split up 12 hours each day.

Right.

What time of life?

Lil' Hulk would love the night.

What do you get?

Lil' Hulk only gets when Bruce Banner gets angry, and he's a very polite little nerd, so Lil' Hulk sometimes only gets a few moments a day.

And I bet he has to be awake as well.

Yes.

Yeah.

So annoying for the little Hulk.

You're pretty polite as well.

Oh, yeah.

You cussed.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Back up, back up.

Lil' Hulk not said anything.

Pardon me.

Was the little green guy just here?

Wait a minute.

Wait, how would that work?

When Lil Hulk gets mad, he turns back into Bruce Banner?

Yes, I'm able to exert my dominance once I can feel too much of his rage emerging through

that pesky green guy.

Oh,

you seem disappointed to see me, Mr.

Rocker.

Oh, no, just we were having such a good convo with Bruce Banner.

How do you feel about the

marimba?

Oh, I hate the marimba.

Oh,

thanks, Jason Yoga.

Marimba's too big and wooden.

Oh, good, oh, good, oh,

oh, Lil Hulk, ooh, did you ask about the marimba?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He hates.

What's the ringtone?

It's like clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, click, clink, clink, clink, clink, dank, gank, dunk, dunk, dunk.

little hulk thinks that's little hulk's timer usually.

Lil' Hulk can't remember the name.

Lil Hulk, ooh.

So you have a timer, Lil' Hulk?

Oh, yeah.

You share a phone with Bruce Banner?

Oh, no, iPad with my mom.

And I only get so much screen time a day, then the timer goes off, and I go, ooh, I'm so angry.

And then that little twerp comes back.

Do you get more screen time than Bruce Banner gets?

No less.

And how does your mom feel about you being Lil Hulk?

Loves me the way I am.

Aw, that's beautiful.

Thank you.

Lil' Hulk has a question for all these adults.

What's going on?

When you set an alarm on your phone, like Lil Hulk, oh, Lil' Hulk has early flight, Lil Hulk gonna set several alarms because Lil Hulk worried Lil Hulk's gonna sleep in.

Right, sure.

Lil Hulk wants to know, do you scroll through?

You have a bunch of old alarms that you can choose from, or every time

I probably have 80 alarms.

Same with Lil Hulk.

I think that's weird as hell.

A friend just showed me that about three weeks ago, and I thought, why do you have all these alarms?

Lil' Hulk, at this point, has most times.

and that's what my friend had but at a time every 15 minutes little hulk saying even even less incremental than that same

very

I never I never delete one

I edit the ones that are there yes exactly I don't so there's like three

nothing no yeah exactly little hulk can scroll little hulk has times that they're like little hulk why would why do you need 545 p.m.

I don't know one day you did it yep Lil Hulk it's gonna nap that's that's a net nap.

Classic Lil' Hulk nap.

Oh, if I have a PM in my alarm schedule, something's wrong.

Jet lag, Lil' Hulk, find something.

Like a little

P of it.

I love a nap, but if I'm setting an alarm for a nap, that's dangerous.

Maybe I'm in Scotland, want to meet some people for haggis at night, have to set an alarm.

Lil' Hulk, Lil' Hulk sometimes switch to doing timer in that situation, but then Lil Hulk gets worried about timer somehow.

Why?

What if you're sitting at a hotel in Scotland and you're like,

I want to wake up and have a drink at 11.30 p.m.

You could do it.

And Lil Hulk wants to know from these adults, Lil Hulk, do you max out on how many weather cities you have?

Yes.

Same for Lil Hulk.

Partly from being on tour.

Say, Lil Hulk keeps all the cities.

And you don't go and delete them?

You don't go to the hole?

Nope.

Lil Hulk has a great record of cities Lil Hulk's been to.

Why don't you just Google them each time you're going?

Well, Lil Hulk likes to look at them.

Or ping them.

Lil Hulk likes to look about seven days out, get excited for Lil Hulk's going next, and Lil Hulk goes, oh, Lil Hulk's been in Minneapolis before.

Lil' Hulk still has Minneapolis weather.

Do I need to bring a coat?

Exactly.

Yeah.

Lil Hulk likes to look.

We have a lot in common, Lil Hulk.

Yeah.

Hey, Lil' Hulk.

You ever fuck with the world clock?

What's that?

You ever fuck with the world clock?

No, not really.

Oh, it's great.

I put in all the time.

Ooh.

Yeah.

Lil Hulk likes that.

I feel very cosmopolitan.

Lil' Hulk likes to use that.

The front page of the weather holds the time for the city.

So sort of like weather is the world clock.

Have you ever done that?

Hang on.

I think Bing Lujo and Lil Hulk

are becoming obsessed with each other.

I think they're becoming best friends.

The youngest

person we've ever had on the show, and the oldest.

I think Bing Lucho is becoming a grandfather.

Lil Hulk could use a grandfather figure.

I'm very charmed by you.

Oh, thank you.

For a Hulk, you're not so bad.

We haven't had a lot of granddaughters on this show.

We're not alive.

Bash, bash, bash, bash, bash.

Smash is mad.

Bash is happy.

A very cogent Hulk.

Yeah.

Like a very thoughtful Hulk.

Oh, Lil' Hulk is very, very touched by this.

Just leave that article.

Just love saying one's own name, Lil Hulk.

Hard when you're only half a person, Lil Hulk.

Sometimes your identity can get lost.

Lil' Hulk, nice to remember that you exist, Lil Hulk.

You know what you could do?

Yes, Lil Hulk.

Yes, Mr.

Men, you kiss.

You could use one of your alarms to play a song or a sound that infuriates Bruce Band.

Yeah.

So you could

visualize

your own arrival.

Oh, yeah.

Like, if there's ever a show that you've never been able to see.

Oh, Lil' Hulk has such a long list.

Or every night.

You said you want the nights.

So every night at 9.30 or whatever.

Lil' Hulk gets all the nights.

This is a great idea.

But then what happens if Bruce

finds the alarm and figures it out?

That fucking idiot?

You think he's going to figure it out?

You talk to him, Pasipas.

I did talk to him.

Bruce Banner, though, Bruce Banner we talked to, that kid was a fucking idiot.

Unless it's a fucking hammer and dulcimer.

That's three curse words, back to back to back.

Yeah, your tally's going on.

He's the musical.

He's a musical prodigy.

Oh, oh, what?

Oh.

That's Marimba.

Lil' Hook loves that one.

Bruce Banner hates it, yeah, so we're not switching.

So I'll keep, let's see, what existing times do I have in the PM?

I don't want to set one.

He'll get suspicious, Lil' Hook.

Okay, let's see what happens.

Let's see what times we have.

Okay, let me go just.

Okay, my latest.

I have as early as 3.30 a.m.

Oh, I have.

I have what?

It takes me.

I have as early as...

I believe we had a 4 a.m.

cab ride in Seattle once.

I have as early as 2.45 a.m.

Okay.

3.10 a.m.

And then it's quite a scroll to get to my latest because this is p.m.

for little hulk.

Okay, I have a 6.30.

That's too easy.

Bruce Band will be having dinner.

7, that's too early.

He'll be having screen time.

I have as late as 9.50, 11, 11.45 and 11.50 p.m.

Do you want to hear my latest?

Yes, Mr.

Augerman.

11.59 p.m.

You beat me, Mr.

Augerman.

Was that just 5 on 10 o'clock?

At that point, just stay asleep.

I only have three alarms.

I thought I had a ton, but I got 2 p.m., 3 p.m., and 5.15 p.m.

Whoa.

All the p.m.

Wow.

I have a 9.18 p.m.

for some reason.

I have an 8.57.

That's a weird one.

Look at how long it takes me to scroll through all the versions of a law.

I think I have more PMs than I have 8.

Wait, Lil Hulk.

Lil Hulk, I demand that you read in order all of your alarms.

You got it, Mr.

Manzukis.

And then Lil Hulk actually has to go because Bruce Banner has a Glock and Trump.

We do have to take a break.

Okay, here I go.

And thank you so much for having me, Lil Hulk.

This has been Lil Hulk.

These are all of Lil Hulk's real alarms in order.

1 a.m., 2:45 a.m., 3:10 a.m., 3:30 a.m., 3:40 a.m., 350 AM, 355 AM, 4 AM, 410 AM, 415 AM, 430 AM, 440 AM, 445 AM, 450 AM, 455 AM,

5 AM, 510 AM, 515 AM, 530 AM, 535 AM, 540 AM, 545 AM, 550 AM,

555 AM, 6 AM,

610 AM, 615 AM at noon

6:20 AM, 630 AM, 640 AM, 645 AM, 650 AM, 165 AM, 7 AM, 710 AM, 715 AM, 730 AM, 745 AM, 8 AM, 650 AM, 830 AM, 840 AM, 855 AM, 0 9 AM, 950 AM, 930 AM, 945 AM, 10 AM, 1050 AM, 1030 AM, 1047, 11, 11, 20, 1145, noon on the dot, 1230, 105, 125, 130, 150, 215, 240 PM, 3 PM, 3 15 PM, 2 23, 30, 4, 4, 10, 4, 2, 4, 30, 4, 45, 5 p.m., 5.15 p.m., 6:30, 7 p.m., 7:15 p.m.

7:30 p.m., 8:45, 8.57, 8.57, 9:15, 950, 11, 11.45, and 11:50 p.m.

My alarms.

Wow!

Bravo, little hoe.

Thank y'all.

This has been a little ho.

Ooh, that made me a little.

Oh, oh, Mr.

Ackerman, I'm so delighted.

Get the fuck out of here, Lila.

You got it!

You fucking nerd.

All right, we have to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have more from Bing Lujo, more Jason Manzukas, even more guests coming up.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

The best B2B marketing gets wasted on the wrong people, right?

I mean, I remember once I bought tickets for a Broadway show, and for the next six months, I kept getting ads for the show I'd already bought tickets to.

I kept saying, I know, I know I was on the website.

I know I visited the website, but I saw it already.

Sometimes it just doesn't work.

Well, LinkedIn has grown to a network of over 1 billion professionals, and that's where it stands apart from other ad buys.

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LinkedIn will even give you a $100 credit on your next campaign so you can try it yourself.

Just go to linkedin.com slash bangbang.

That's linkedin.com slash bang bang.

Terms and conditions apply only on LinkedIn ads.

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You know, when you think about game day,

you might not think Wayfair, right?

I mean, they're two...

One's two words and one's one word.

First of all, that's confusing right off the bat.

And then they're totally different

letters, although the A's, there still are two A's, but the G and the M, those aren't in Wayfair and the W and the

Y is in both.

I mean, this is pretty similar, actually.

Game day, Wayfair.

I mean, you might think about it, but one reason you should is because Wayfair, right?

Wayfair is the best kept secret for incredible and affordable game day finds, whether you're upgrading your tailgate with coolers that stay cold or patio heaters that stay hot.

Cold things should stay cold and hot things should stay hot, right?

Wayfair has something for every style and every home, no matter your space or your budget.

They even have decor and merge from your favorite sports teams.

And the best part, Wayfair offers free and easy delivery, even on the big stuff.

And when you're talking big stuff, here's what I ordered from Wayfair the other day.

I mean, when I say I, I mean Kulop.

Kulop ordered a bunch of holiday stuff.

She ordered a giant skeleton for Halloween.

A rabbit sitting with a ladybug.

I guess that's year-round.

That can just stay out there forever.

So, yeah.

So, Wayfair's not only got stuff for game day, but also has a bunch of holiday stuff that my wife likes.

In any case, Wayfair is your trusted destination for all things game day, from coolers and grills to recliners and slow cookers.

Shop, save, and score

goal today at Wayfair.com.

That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home.

Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.

16th anniversary show.

Congratulations.

Thank you so much.

Thanks.

This malted is almost gone.

I know.

It really tore through it.

Yeah, it's incredible.

I mean, the taste is incredible.

Black and white.

That's right.

Chocolate and vanilla.

That's right.

They should make,

you know, because normally when you make a black and white, you put in both chocolate ice cream and vanilla ice cream.

They should make an ice cream that has the flavor already combined, shouldn't they?

They can't do that.

They can't do it?

No.

Government regulations.

Government.

See, this is why I think we need to get rid of all regulations.

I think we need more.

Oh, so you need a regulation that cancels out that regulation?

Yeah.

That's the way to do it.

So just everybody's happy.

You got to regulate the regulations.

That's right.

You got to regulate the regulations.

Everybody knows it's true.

If you want to regulate any regulations, you know what to do.

You got to write to your congressman, write to the president, write to Jesus Christ.

You got to go to the church and pray as hard as you can.

And then it's so nice when you got some regulations.

Regulations.

Everybody loves regulations.

What a weird ending on that song.

Yeah.

Like I gave up.

More songs you just give up in the middle.

Like Sabrina Carpenter, just like, that's all I got.

The music keeps playing though.

She's like, bye, everyone.

Goodbye.

What?

I only wrote so much.

Well, let's get to our next guest.

This is exciting.

We haven't seen

our next guest in maybe about a year.

I'm excited to catch up with them.

You know her as

a local raconteur,

the owner of the Los Angeles W Hotel and no other just a local raconteur.

She likes to keep it within city limits.

Does not nationally tell stories.

No, no.

If she ever leaves Los Angeles, she shuts the stories down.

Please welcome back to the show, Bean Dip.

Hey, Scotty.

Hey, Beanie.

Hey, hi, Scotty.

Hey.

Hey.

Haven't talked to you since that whole flap about love is blind and people slapping titties.

Well, hey, it's been a minute.

Yep.

Hey, is is it been a minute?

You know, Jason Manzucas?

I don't know if you've ever met him.

I'd love Jason Renzucas.

Look, I'm not expecting him to acknowledge it, but we have a pass.

Oh,

great to see you again, Bean Denver.

It's great to see you.

Can we get some juicy deets?

Well, okay.

Spill the tea.

I mean, how juicy you want to get.

I have seen up close of his balls, and he's up close of my pussy.

Yeah.

Those are the juices I'm talking about.

Okay.

It's juice city.

Yeah.

Mostly though, we would just meet to look at each other's genitals.

Yeah.

Just to give it everything a good once-over, give it a good piece.

Because a lot of Scott, a lot of people don't realize, like, huh, do I really know what's going on down there?

And if you have a friend you can trust to like get an up-close look, then they can give you like a printout.

Also, because doctors, doctors give you so little time now.

They are, it's a volume business.

So are you just acting as her gynecologist and you as his urologist?

It's not medical.

Well, it's not medical.

It's not medical.

Because I've heard, like, sometimes I, you know, I'm, it's more like

a literature type language.

I'm not trying to write, like, oh, this is a medical thing that's happening on your vault.

I just say, like, you know what?

Today they're gorgeous.

Yes.

Today is very,

you know, it's feet.

It's fearless feedback on how

they look.

Right.

Right?

Was there ever a day where they didn't look good or they weren't as juicy as you'd like?

Absolutely.

Sure.

Sometimes you've got the juice and sometimes the juice is loose.

You know, every now and then, like, if, you know, if I had gone for a very strenuous hike,

things would be a little different.

Or, like, if Jason had, you know, had, sometimes he likes to go have about five fillet of fish.

Oh, five, really.

Yep.

You know me.

I love, I love fillet of fish, and I can't say no to more than one.

And that will affect your testicles.

Oh, yeah.

Because you can get the, a lot of people don't know.

They've got a secret menu.

You can get a five-pack of fillet of fish.

Yeah.

And it's just, they're stacked in between two pieces of bread, five.

Five total.

Couldn't you just do that yourselves by buying five?

Just calling, come on, don't be a dick.

There's a funny thing.

You go to McDonald's, you say, I want to order a file fish lunatic.

Yep, yeah, and then they give you five.

You say lunatic fringe, and they know what's up, they know what's up.

But then, if I if I meet up with Jason,

we're gonna look at each other's generals.

I know if his balls have a sheen, like if it, you know, it must be a Friday filet fish day.

He must have been eating up five filet fish, he must have gone lunatic style if they look real shiny, yeah, wow, because they, and

Because that tartar sauce gets everywhere.

I can't see it for the way.

Oh, calm down, beep dude.

Calm down.

Oh, my gosh.

It's the most animated I've ever seen you, Bean Dip.

Who do you think has the nicest looking testicles?

That's a great question.

Wow.

Paulie,

somebody related to Paul Newman.

I'm trying to think of who I've seen.

Lenny Kravitz,

weren't they gorgeous?

Oh, I mean, yeah.

Especially he was mid-playing guitar.

Oh, dirty into the pop-out.

Did you describe his guitar playing as mid?

No, no.

Wow.

He's very

huge talent.

Savage.

He's a huge talent.

Other than that, I don't think I've seen any other human.

Why are you winking when you say huge talent?

Why do you keep winking at us when you say huge talent?

Scott, how come when you winked when you said huge talent, you also put huge talent in quotes with your fingers?

I tried to put talent in, but I also got huge.

Sorry.

Oh, I got huge.

I got huge.

Hey, yo.

All right.

Okay.

All right, Hank.

What else has been going on, Bean Dip?

It's been so long since we've seen you.

Oh, yeah.

Where have you been this year?

Have you been roaming around?

Oh, roaming around so many places.

I've been traveling the world.

Scott, I've been to Tucson, Arizona, Rome, Italy,

Belgium, Brussels.

I went to Oslo, Norway, Texas, Canada, Texas.

Houston, Texas.

The routing on that is, yeah.

I mean, all over the place.

Ping bong, bing-bong, bang.

Wow.

What have you been doing?

What do you do in all these places?

Every place, going up, set up a business, make about $1.2 million, get to the next place.

On to the next one.

On to the next one.

One place I'll set up a thing where I'm like, huh.

I bet people here want to buy dish towels with little drawings of themselves on them.

So I did.

What was that you said, by the way?

Dish towels with drawings of themselves on them.

The first word is the one I'm most confused about.

What you use in the kitchen to drop down dish?

I don't know.

Dish towels.

Oh, dish towels.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Did you think they said dick towels?

I thought diss child.

Oh, boy.

Dischild, like what you did at Lynn Kravis.

He dissed that child.

Yeah, that's true.

What child is this?

I don't care.

What child?

What child should I diss?

Well, anyway, people want to buy pictures on themselves on dish towels, and that's why Michael bought $1.2 million in one city.

How do you customize every dish towel

to look like the person who's ordered it?

Or do most kids kind of look the same and you can just like sell it as like, oh, yeah, this is the picture of your kid?

Don't come for me this morning.

Please, don't come for me this morning.

It's 5 p.m.

I draw a specific and personalized picture of everybody who wants a dish towel with their face on it.

So you draw it with what, a marker or?

Yeah, a sharpie.

Usually what works well on cloth is like a Sharpie or maybe like a Sharpie plus Magic Marco

mashup.

A mashup?

Uh-huh.

A Sharpie Marker plus a Magic Marker Marker mashup.

Yeah, you use it.

A Sharpie X magic marker.

Yeah, a Sharpie X Magic Marco Collab.

Whoever wins, me lose.

Yeah,

you put the Sharpie ink thing into the Magic Marker.

The pen.

Yeah.

You put it inside of there, and then you got a perfect thing to draw portraits on discharge.

And people walk up they go like oh what is this this looks like because i just call it pd portraits on dish chouse they go do people know what you're talking about no they that's part of the appeal they go well it's pd i love that font that you got the p or the d in there's so many balloons out here this looks like pretty much fun

so then

how many balloons do you normally have out there dude at least 3 500 and that's that's a lot wow that's a lot and do you draw anything on the balloons no the balloons are silent Oh, they're silent.

So, no images and they don't make a sound.

No images, no squeaks.

You got to spare money to make money.

Now, here's what I'm going to say:

no offense, and I don't know how much you sound like you're pulling down great money.

I could never take offense for you, but silent balloons.

Yes.

That sounds like a gangbuster's idea.

This is where your money is.

You got to start making it.

We hate the squeaking, don't we, folks?

We hate it.

Oh, okay.

Well, you heard it first.

Solid balloons, SB.

That's my new, that's going to be my new standards.

Ketchup.

Hey, Ketchup for us at the W Los Angeles.

SB Ds, maybe, in fact.

SP Days?

SB Ds.

SB, Solid but Deadly.

Oh, Deadly Balloons.

Oh, good ones, Scott.

Talk about it.

Maybe your father would enjoy those, Bing.

He would.

I mean, he might be enjoying them right now.

Deadly Balloons.

We'll never know.

We'll never know.

He might be killing people every single day.

We don't know.

I feel like assassins.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Bing Luzhou's father was an assassin, at least.

He'd be 160 years old if he were still alive.

He may be

here's more surprising than I've ever seen you.

Bean Dip, I feel like you think these are reveals you should react to, but these are just casual information we've gleaned in a previous

second.

I don't know about y'all, but if somebody walked in here and said, Hey, what's up, y'all?

I'm 160 years old.

I fall off my chair onto the floor and maybe never wake up.

That's long past life expectancy in 2025.

A blog?

160 is long past life expectancy for 2025 years.

Dang,

it's like nobody here says anything.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

That's okay, Scott.

Well, it's wonderful to have you here.

I've missed you.

Oh, man, I've missed you, Scott.

Every time I go to a new city to make $1.2 million, I think,

man, I just would love to be home in LA just hanging, kicking it with Scott.

It's a pretty specific number, 1.2.

Every city.

You know what?

I could go over that, but you got to.

Once you hit 1.2, move it.

Well, then you have to declare it to the government.

Oh, yeah.

You got to have that Vegas mentality of like, I got what I came here for.

Let me get out.

This is all under the table.

Oh, this is so under the table.

I usually don't even leave the city with it.

I give it to somebody to launder.

Then they can send it to me in an envelope.

Got it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you're in quite a few, like, these are setting up shop in foreign countries.

So yes.

how are you conquering like the language barrier to setting up these businesses in a place?

Art transcends language, though, don't you?

I see.

About Italy, Norway.

I mean, these were some, these are really Italy.

Does look, Italy, Norway, any of them.

You listen to me, I already know how to speak it fluent.

Oh, okay.

Let's uh, how about Prague?

Yeah, Prague.

What do you want me to say?

Uh, say hi, welcome to Prague.

Can I get your baggage?

Wow, that's incredible.

Pretty great, actually.

I mean, I have no way of checking it.

It sounded good to me.

How about Italy?

Same sentence, Italy.

Let's just do that for ease.

Tacton's and stuff at the end, there.

I wonder what it means.

I mean, Italian, they probably put it at the end.

The syntax, yeah.

But it's also like that is such a romantic language.

Yeah, it was gorgeous.

Oh, man.

You do not want to know the people that I met in Italy, okay?

Like, who?

Why?

Why don't we want to know this?

Because it is so romantic.

Every single hour of every day, somebody's trying to get you in bed there.

Yeah, that sounds pretty

great, man.

It is great.

Are you someone who's attached or are you free to go where the

are you single and ready to mingle?

Look, I do whatever I want.

even if I have a significant other.

They need to know I got to live my damn life.

That's right.

We only live once.

We're on this merry-go-round one time.

We're on this merry-go-round one time.

If you're not going to come with me to a city where I'm making $1.2 million, I'm going to have to do stuff there to get my pleasures.

Ah, I see.

You have to take care of your own if you're going to

be with Bean Dip and you're not going to travel the world with her.

If you're going to be with Bean Dip, you got to travel over the world.

Got to travel over the world.

If you're going to be VJ, gotta get traveled.

Pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, a little late.

Okay.

We all got to.

Well, Bean Dude, it's great to see you.

Can you stick around a little bit?

Scott, I would love to stick around.

Talk to everybody you got in here.

I just love you or miss you, Brian.

I'll miss you, too.

Have you ever set up shop in France?

No, I can't wait till I do.

I haven't.

So you don't speak French?

So you don't speak French?

No, I speak French.

Let's hear some.

Say, welcome to Prague.

May I get your luggage in French?

Ooh, la von cash in Prague.

Prague.

Wow.

Gorgeous.

That Prague twice.

So it's interesting.

So I think the word for luggage in French is Prague.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Interesting.

It's interesting.

Wow.

Well, Bean Dip, stick around.

We want your input.

Okay, great.

Here, we have a couple of guests who have never been on the show.

Am I correct on that?

If you're honest,

with total candor, I must say they've never been on the show before.

I don't know who they are, what they're doing here, but please welcome Harris Teeter and MacGarth Darby.

Hi, Scott.

How are you doing?

How are you?

That's right, Scott.

I'm Harris Teeter.

And I'm MacGarth Darby.

Name Lamorak comic duro.

Go ahead.

I've never heard of you, so

you know, Abbott and Costello.

We've We've laid down.

Nope.

Nope.

Although, Abbott, Costello, Naimamara, Iconic Duo.

And Abbott and Costello?

Go ahead.

Okay, Laurel and Hardy.

We told David.

Wait a minute.

Laurel.

Laurel.

Hardy.

Naima Mara iconic duo.

You can't.

Lennon and McCartney?

Yeah.

No, we're not.

No, I don't.

We don't like the Beatles.

Chocolate and vanilla?

Sure.

Yeah, yes, yeah.

Okay.

That's a more iconic duo, chocolate and vanilla.

Well, here's where we get in the weeds.

These are all equally iconic duos, and the challenge is name a more iconic duo.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Harris.

I'm sorry, McGarth.

We tried.

We tried.

Thank you for the apology.

Scott Auckerman, being bashful, apologizing.

Name a more iconic trio.

Trio?

Tried three.

Team Nashville.

Yeah.

And apologizing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Scott Ackerman.

The three little

phones.

Name a more iconic duo.

Harris, you didn't want to join in on that one?

I didn't know how many.

I was surprised by the duo.

If you put Scott Ackerman and a microphone in a sentence, you could extrapolate beyond the possibilities of the human mind.

We could be saying, name a more iconic infinity.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Can I ask?

You are a duo, then.

What is your relationship?

What is the nature of your relationship?

Boat boys.

We're boat boys.

We're boat boys.

Boat boys.

Boat boys.

Boat buoys?

Just a couple of boat boys.

You work on a boat or you live on a boat?

We live on boat.

We live on a boat.

We live on separate boats.

We live next to each other.

Yeah, we're like tandem boats or.

That's right.

Are you guys?

What's your relation?

It's like a tandem motorcycle, but tandem motorcycle.

Tandem bicycle.

Tandem bicycle.

I would love, by the way, tandem motorcycle sounds pretty good.

That sounds fun.

It almost sounds like someone side by side, but I think it would be one and a half.

I think it was sidecar base.

He has to do all the work.

Yeah, yeah.

We're boat boys.

So you're both boys.

Thank you, Bob.

Thank you for

repremising us.

Boat neighbors.

Oh, so you're your neighbors.

Had you?

Had we meet?

We met in grade school.

Oh, okay.

Grade school.

Are these houseboats?

Yeah, we treat them as our house.

I got my clothes on there, don't I?

On the boat.

I got my chairs on there, don't I?

I got my toothbrush in there, don't I?

I got my glasses in there, don't I?

so these are traditional house things for you guys I got my rugs in there don't I I'm sorry sorry things things found in a house I got my air filtration oh

in there as well oh don't I I got my five gallon bucket where I do my business don't I oh they don't have now on the top now I feel like are you guys actually asking us

yeah

yeah what is on our boat

what's in our house that's a houseboat isn't it?

You seen the movie Seven?

What's in my boat?

What was in the boat?

What's in my fucking boat?

Pop culture fan.

So, yeah, so you are old friends from grade school and then neighbors.

Did you buy the place intentionally, or did you find out you were neighbors and like, oh, I remember you from grade school?

We lost touch in our adulthood, and then we both found ourselves living on neighboring boats.

And we rekindled our relationship on Date Redacted.

Date Redacted?

Why?

I don't think we can react to it.

Why is is the date redacted?

No reason.

We separately met up in our nation's capital on date redacted.

Oh, okay.

I understand what's happening.

Hang on a second.

Which we do celebrate that very special day together on Date Redacted.

So

you're boat boys.

Is that the majority of your interests boat related?

Well, you know, we love where we live and we live where we love.

You know what I mean?

Absolutely.

We love.

We're hometown boat boys.

We are layabouts, Scott.

Okay, so you don't have jobs?

No jobs.

No need for jobs.

No worries.

No worries.

Because the boat got no worries.

Because the boat provides.

The boat provides.

No, Bean Dip, you have a question?

I did.

Just two quick questions.

Just two.

Did you guys come from a lot of family money?

Oh, did we?

Yes.

We are from old southern money.

Generational Southern money.

Generational.

Money.

The South.

Houses.

Generations.

Name a more iconic Quattro.

Quartet, maybe.

Huh?

What?

That doesn't rhyme with you at all.

We said Quattro.

And the Audi Quattro.

I'm going to throw that out.

Name an iconic uno.

In what was that, Mars movie?

Arnold Schwartz.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was there?

Mars Needs Moms.

The Mars movie.

Total recall.

Wasn't there a Quattro in there?

There was a Quatto.

Quattro.

You fucking Quaid.

Quaid?

Jack Quaid, Hollywood's good boy?

Oh, we are good old boys.

We are.

Are you?

Okay, I was worried about that.

Were you?

Yeah, that was my next question.

You had another question, though.

Well, I just want to know: was Harris named

Harris naive after a grocery store, or was the grocery store naive after him?

Such a good question.

Is there a grocery store named Harris?

Harris Tater.

Harris Tater.

Harris Tater.

I'm actually Harris Tater the Eighth.

Oh, wow.

So that's where your money comes from.

Absolutely.

So So you get free groceries, so, and you have a place to live.

So I imagine you get free groceries.

I walk in with no shirt, no shoes, but I get service.

Hey, yo, that's awesome, dude.

Wow.

We never have shirts on.

We've got our boat shoes on.

We got our tan little small salmon-colored shorts.

And we've got shirtless backs.

Name a more iconic trio.

Shirtless backs?

So, but shirtful fronts?

We've got dickies on.

God damn it!

Garth, was it Garth?

McGarth.

McGarth.

Sorry.

McGarth Darby.

McGarth Darby.

McGarth.

Can you explain that big tattoo on your chest?

Oh, yeah.

It's a tattoo of the movie Big.

That's right.

I love that movie.

Iconic movie.

So iconic.

Elizabeth Perkins, when she realized she had sex with a little boy.

That's just what I wanted to happen to me.

Somebody older coming in, taking advantage.

It never happened, though.

No, instead, I've been cleaning up on our little dock.

Wait, why?

Why is the dock?

Instead of having sex, you've been cleaning up on the dock.

The little dock.

Why is the dock so little?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why is it miniature?

It's such a tiny dock.

It used to be bigger, but I had too much sex on it and collapsed part of the dock.

Dang!

Dang, Harris.

I'm sorry, or congratulations.

I'm not sure which to say.

I refuse to have sex on my boat.

Oh, wow.

Why, dude?

The boat is for the boys.

The boat is for the boys.

Box!

Boys!

Bacon!

Beards!

Barbecue sauce!

Maybe a more iconic Cinco!

Cinco?

Cinco!

Quintat, maybe.

You want to know where we live, Scott?

Not really, but

tell me.

I would love to know.

You have side-by-side boats.

Why not have one be for the boys and one be for the girls?

No, the boats are for the boys.

The dock is for sex.

Okay, so if this dock's a rocking, don't come and knocking.

Hey, man.

Hey, man.

Good luck getting your boat if I'm having sex on the dock.

The dock's too small for you to walk around, my lovemaking.

Scott,

you're holding up a sign that says, where are y'all from?

You didn't show that.

Too much of a coward to ask on mic.

Sorry.

We'll tell you where we're from.

Does this answer the question, Scott?

Up Up on on Sham Creek, Shea Champagne.

Yep, I sham Creek.

Shea Champagne.

I don't have to creep, shave, shampoo.

Forever damn.

Hell yeah.

We're from Sham Creek.

Oh, okay.

Sham Craig.

You guys

are blast, right?

Now, can we, do we have to clear that?

No, I think

I'm pretty sure we have to clean that up because that was dead on.

That was incredible.

Melodically, every element of that was perfect.

Do we have to pay for that?

I don't think so.

Yeah, we pre-got the rights to that.

I'm pretty sure.

I'm so sorry.

I've gotten a text from Levon Helm's Estate.

They are furious.

Hey, can we hang out on your boat someday?

I mean, you said the boat is for the boy.

I don't know whether you'd be invited.

You can hang out on the dock.

Hey, I will get on their boat.

Whether they like it or not, I'm going to see what's in the side of that boat.

Some chairs, from what I understand.

An air filtration system?

Desk.

Computer.

Naimamora comic duo.

MacGarth, are you just looking around Scott's room at this point?

Guitar!

Coffee table!

Comedy bangbang book!

Naimamora comic trio!

McGarth.

This is starting to become almost an improv opening exercise.

We're getting close to these are five things.

Let's do a Herald.

Okay.

We'll do an organic opening, please.

Deconstruction style.

Your suggestion is burrito.

Burrito.

We see a bunch of beans hopping towards the stage.

They've been refried, so they're tired.

They're tired, beans.

Over behind the curtain, there's a tortilla.

Watching them get out there.

The tortillas slowly start to levitate as if they're alien spaceships.

Whoa!

They look like UFOs and aliens are coming out of those tortillas.

A crowd gathers and chants, this is not an ordinary burrito.

This is Taco Bell's new burrito.

This opening is sponsored by Taco Bell.

And now we lead you into the first scene of the first beat.

Can I get another taco?

I'm starving.

Okay, well, how much would you like to pay for the taco today?

I think just $3, please.

Okay, well, that'll be okay.

How about $2.95?

That sounds actually much better.

Thank you.

Edit while the coin's in the air.

Same too.

The opening was a description.

The opening was a description of a scene that we didn't get to see.

We didn't even see it.

Wow.

Oh, my gosh.

I can't believe I've been abducted by aliens.

Oh, okay.

The Herald continues.

The Herald continues.

Well, we'll stop the Herald there while the coin's in the air.

While the coin is in the air.

Harris, nor Herald Chief.

McGarth, are you guys improvisers from wherever you're from?

Aren't we all improvisers?

Okay.

Life is an improv show.

Free will.

Conversations.

Improv shows.

It's funny that Harris says free will because I would think because I live on boats, he would have said free willie.

Yeah.

That's a good point.

He would have been smart.

Be honest, if free willie flew over your boat, you'd be tempted to stick your finger in his blowhole.

Oh,

you thought you ever put your finger inside a blowhole?

I don't think so.

I mean, not intentionally.

I'm going to tell you something right now.

It's better than the pussy of Chim Crock.

Well, that's a good pussy.

McGarth, please put your fingers away.

We don't want to smell those.

Look how many I can fit in the future.

We don't want to smell those.

Yeah, all of them.

All ten.

And thumbs.

And thumbs?

All ten and your thumbs.

And hops.

I'm noticing you have an extra finger on each of your hands.

I've got 12.

And McGarth is

calling.

Am I seeing this right?

The two extra fingers seem to be rotten?

Yeah, no.

They got smashed between my boat and his boat on two separate occasions.

They're dead fingers.

You know, when you have a dead tooth in your mouth, it's all gray.

Uh-huh.

I like that, but fingers.

You could probably let it fall off, and then you'd have the normal amount of fingers.

No, when I say normal, I mean...

Or chop them off.

What's normal?

You like giving them the dozen, right?

Scott Auckerman's being an ableist about

12 for 19.

So what?

Just for MacGarth to be normal, they have to chop off two fingers.

Well, I'm just saying, like, two of your fingers are rotten.

They seem like they're hanging on by a thread anyway.

Scott, you ever put your fists inside a dolphin's ass?

No, I didn't.

They're giving me these things.

They gave it the full dozen.

Was the movie Free Willie a medication on Free Will?

Oh,

right question.

That's all I've been thinking about.

It is

Bing Luso.

Am I pronouncing your name correctly?

Bing Luso?

Being Luso.

Bing Luso.

Leir Luso.

Is my regional accent butchering your name?

Explain Bing Lujo.

Bing Luzo.

Bing Lua.

Bing Lujo.

Anytime I'm out of my region of the country, I get so self-conscious about pronouncing people.

Do you think we have accents?

Yeah, well, I mean, yeah,

I'm hearing a little something everyone has their own accent it feels like y'all have accents to us hey

hey guys hey guys just think about cujo then put an l on it right

well you think about binging it oh showtimes for the movie cujo oh we went over this in an earlier segment

Amazing that you and I have both hit on the exact same way to figure, remember his name.

I have 31 copies of Catcher in the Rye.

and I have 31 flavors of ice cream.

Welcome to Basketball's bitch.

Oh, is the improv still going?

I'll have the alien special.

Your character work, McGarth, is great.

Thank you, Sam.

Use your space work.

You slip into a completely different person.

I'm transformed when I'm on the stage.

My specialty is scene painting.

This character is wearing sparry top solder.

It's funny because I'm actually wearing a pair.

That is is funny.

Oh,

yeah.

Why do you have so many copies of Custer in the Rye?

I don't know.

I have compulsive behavior.

He's an addict.

I watched the movie Conspiracy Theory with Mel Gibson one too many times.

How many times have you seen it?

Three times.

Yeah, two is about right.

Two.

More than one is three.

I love mathematics.

Watching Mel Gibson's conspiracy theory once and watching Mel Gibson's conspiracy theory twice, name a more iconic duo.

Whoa!

You blow their mind.

They're fucking flipping out.

Whoa.

Oh, my God.

What's in my mind?

What's in my mind?

What do I do?

What do I do?

They can't name a more iconic duo?

I can't name one.

Okay, name one.

That's the most iconic duo.

Oh, shit.

Oh, God.

Who's got a piper bag?

Their eyes are spinning around in their heads.

We ended the scene as their eyes are spinning.

Excuse me, Mr.

Alien.

Oh, hey, how's it going?

Yes.

I need to return this burrito.

Okay, well, it looks like this is a burrito that you paid $2.95 for.

I will take that back.

And yeah, you get seven dollars.

Where are you getting burritos for $2.95?

The South is Jay.

Y'all watch Southern Charm.

Y'all watch.

You watch Southern Charm?

I love love Southern Charm.

We, are you kidding me?

Partied with Shep.

Shep?

Shep Rhodes?

Yeah.

He has a passive income from real estate?

Yeah.

He's a layabout, you know.

Every time I've gotten COVID, it's been from Shep's mouth.

How many times?

Count them.

I got COVID from Shep one time.

Two times.

Three times.

Four times.

Five times.

Six times.

Name a more iconic 6-0.

Six-oh?

He's a 6-0!

God damn it!

Name a more iconic 6-0?

What?

Sisco is a big thing.

Name a more iconic thong.

Cisco's?

That's two thongs.

What's a more iconic thong?

Oh, Kate Moss, when she wore that see-through dress, you could see the thong coming out.

Are you horny right now?

Oh, shoot, I gotta go put a sock on the dock.

Let him know I'm gonna be

put a sock on the whole dock.

I put a sock on the dock, Scott.

Are we all gonna answer that?

I guess so.

Yeah, sure.

Yes.

Bean Dip, are you horny?

Oh, yeah, man.

Okay, go ahead.

You and y'all got to come down to the dock and into the boat, okay?

I want my boat boys there.

We're not on that dock.

What happens?

Like, how do you get people to come to the dock with you?

Like, it feels like that would be kind of sketchy seeming.

It's like a pod popper thing.

I play my flute.

Popper no.

Pop or no.

Oh, wait a minute.

What's that from again?

They stole that from us.

White Lotus stole that from us.

All right.

They stole that from us.

God damn it, Popper, no.

I play my flute, and people who don't want to be horny, they say, Popper, no.

And you think Mike White was just walking by one day and then wrote it down in his notebook or something of good ideas?

He was staying at the fourth season.

Is that near the docks?

Is it near a bone?

Sham Craig.

She shams me.

If I sham a creek, she shams me.

I don't have to sham.

She craigs me.

Sham Craig.

Shams.

Sham Creek.

Wow.

It's near Sham Creek.

It's near it.

Oh, it's a four season of Sham Creek.

It's so close to Sham Creek.

You could smell it.

What's the smell like?

Four seasons.

Autumn.

Smells like autumn, summer.

Autumn.

Summer.

Autumn.

Summer.

Winter.

Summer.

Summer.

Springs.

Springs of autumn.

Two or more, iconic.

Autumn.

Let Magarth cook.

Let McGarth cook.

Autumn.

Summer.

Winter.

Oh, it's summer.

My Mamo Rock comic quote true.

Dang.

Bean Dip is blown away.

Well, this is incredible.

I would love to be a boat boy with you one of these days.

Boat boys.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Do we have just an open invite?

Open invite.

And when we say boys, it's all-inclusive.

Yeah.

Really?

So you pay one fee and you don't have to pay for anything afterwards?

No, I mean, any gender.

Gender.

Any gender.

I do it.

Bean dip, you're welcome.

The only rule is if you're going to have sex or masturbate, it's got to be on the dock.

Even masturbate.

Forgive me, but what happens when you guys take the boats out on the ocean?

We don't go out there.

Oh, no.

Or are the boats inoperable?

Far too dangerous, yeah.

We wait for the dolphins and the whales to come to us.

Yeah, we ride on them.

It's very ski-style.

It's very accommodating that you're like,

that's the option to masturbate.

Y'all look like you need to masturbate, honestly.

I gotta say, when I go to the load off, when I go to a party, I look for that.

I'm like, okay, here's the chips, here's the dips.

But, like, where do we jack off?

Thank you, exactly.

Social anxiety is at an all-time high.

If that's what keeps it at bay for you, don't you worry.

We got EG medication and bowls on the boat.

You're going to take a couple of those and you're set to go.

Masturbation.

I mean, I'm very happy that you guys have found each other because there is an epidemic of loneliness amongst young men.

And for the boat boys to have found each other is a move in the right direction.

Yeah.

Community.

Understanding.

Oh, okay.

Long talks.

Walks on the beach.

Sand in your shorts.

These are five times.

Sperries on your feet.

Wind in your hair.

A gleam in your eye.

Hey, Memorial.

Come back.

Edo.

Edo.

Hey, guys.

The speed that you rattled that off was incredible.

And how many fingers had to be put up and down and then looked at confusedly.

Scott, I hope you slow that down a lot for the listeners because we said it

will do.

Don't worry about that.

You can slow the whole segment down.

He'll slow it all down

on a single time.

If only the listener could have seen MacGarth panic stricken, looking at their fingers,

trying to figure out what the hell this meant.

How many is this?

McGarth.

I got you, buddy.

Thank you, buddy.

You're not the strongest math alete.

You're my boat bull.

You're my boat bull.

Listen to me do math.

How are you doing?

You guys, I got to ask you.

That was wild to watch y'all list all those this now.

And like,

I'm not trying to offend you, but have y'all ever thought about like turning toward each other automatically?

Whoa.

Whoa.

I mean, the boat is for the boys.

The boat's for the boys.

Y'all have a connection.

I'm just going to say it.

Wow, bean dips under something.

I mean...

I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it.

I'd be lying if I hadn't said under the pink sky and the clouds of the low country with sand between my feet, I haven't turned and looked into McGarth's eyes and thought,

God damn, those lips look juicy tonight.

I think with Bean Dip, Harris, and McGarth, we've got an E2 Mama Tombien situation.

Hey, I'm not opposed.

E2 Mama Tombien, I'll have that special at the burrito shop, please.

Oh, that would be $2.95.

Thank you so much.

We edit as the coin is in the air.

Now that you mentioned it, we have had a lot of threesomes where we kind of ignore the third and just focus on each other.

Yeah.

That's a tip-off.

Now that you say it, we're both on either side of our boats kind of, you know, going at each other and they're on the dock with the sock.

Yeah, the ladies are on the sock dock.

They're on the sock dock.

You guys are on separate boats going at each other?

Yeah, with telescopes pointed at each other.

You can expedite this process.

Just get on the same boat.

These objects are closer than they appear.

Did you hear that?

Get on the same boat?

Yeah.

How about we

get on the same boat?

Oh, my God.

What's happening?

Boat boys.

Harris, MacGarth, name a more iconic

duo.

Harris, Tater, MacGarth, Darby.

Time the Mora!

Coming to us!

I'm sobbing!

I'm crying!

I'm hugging you.

Is this like an official wedding ceremony?

You're describing what's happening.

This must be an opening of an improv scene.

We're holding each other's hands.

I'm touching your name.

We're locking fingers.

I've got my head near your

handles.

What the hell?

They're rising into the air.

Oh, I see.

he does have handles i'm doing a handstand you're holding my ankles this is beautiful we're in 69 position but fully clothed they're ascending to the ceiling this is just what chip does this is just what he does on that show

we're boat boys

we're the real deal

We're the real deal.

Nobody's questioning.

Their final words were, we're the real deal.

We're the boat boys.

We're the real deal.

Incredible.

And then they floated up through the skylight.

Like the end of Greece.

Yeah.

just like the end of Greece.

Wow.

Well, guys, I think we need to take a break.

Who knew?

Yeah, who knew indeed?

But we're going to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have more with Jason Manzoukis.

More guests are even coming up, if you can believe it.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang back after this.

What is Ah and then some?

It's

and then it's

all sorts of awesome.

It's Ah and Densum.

Visit lake Tahoe.com.

I don't mean to interrupt your meal, but I saw you from across a cafe, and you're the Geico Gecko, right?

In the flesh.

Oh, my goodness.

This is huge to finally meet you.

I love Geico's fast-and-friendly claim service.

Well, that's how Geico gets 97% customer satisfaction.

Anyway, that's all.

Enjoy the rest of your food.

No worries.

Uh, so are you just gonna watch me eat?

Oh, sorry.

Just a little starstruck.

I'll be on my way.

If you're gonna stick around, just pull up a chair.

You're the best.

Get more than just savings.

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Your sausage McMuffin with egg didn't change.

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Prices and participation may vary.

Comedy Bang Bang 16th anniversary episode.

We're back with Jason Manzoukis.

Hey,

hey.

And of course, Bing Lujo is still here.

Hey.

Sounds so natural.

Yeah, I mean, you did great.

This malted has been so good, Bing.

Yeah.

So good.

It's so good, but it's very filling, isn't it?

It's very filling.

I'm glad because I didn't eat a meal.

You know, it's a long

recording.

You're good for another six weeks.

Yeah, this is a six-week malted you were saying.

Yeah, it's my famous six-week malted.

Eat it in one day, and you won't have to eat for another six weeks.

You won't be able to.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

If you try, you'll get very sick.

Oh, okay.

I did not know that.

There should be some sort of disclaimer on the trash can that it's in.

I feel like if you drink it malted out of a trash can,

you should know.

Yeah, you're going to be sick.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, you will get sick and you will cry.

Oh, cry.

Oh, I didn't realize crying was a.

You know, I haven't cried in about 30 years.

This will make you cry.

Oh, okay.

You haven't cried at all?

You haven't cried at anything?

Yeah, I mean, no.

Many of life's events have happened to you.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, some serious shit's gone down.

Are you saying happy and sad?

Yeah.

No, I don't think that's a good idea.

I've done tears either.

Not even at a commercial?

No,

no.

I watched this.

Because I thought that

a lot of men will say that they don't cry, except for one commercial.

No, there was one thing.

Picture like a dog that looks kind of wet.

All right, and he's in a little cage.

In the arms of the angels,

lies away.

I'm imagining Sarah McLaughlin.

Nothing.

Beautiful.

There was one time that I did cry.

I can't remember in the past few years.

It was when Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer put on those African costumes.

And they kneeled.

That was beautiful.

Yeah, I thought it was gorgeous.

Who didn't cry?

That was very movie.

All right, let's get to our next guest.

Could you imagine where we'd be today if they didn't do it?

Oh, man, the world would be going to hell.

Let's get to our next guest.

He was on the show once before,

a couple of months ago, I believe.

Please welcome back to the show, Russ Suaro.

Howdy, Scott.

Oh, hang on.

Is this your voice now?

Let me ask you.

Howdy.

Howdy.

Super quick.

Where are you from?

I'm from, well, Arizona, mostly.

A little bit of Texas.

But now I am staying.

Where they cross over, right?

Just a little bit of Texas and Arizona overlap?

Yes, it's the part of Texas that skips New Mexico.

Right.

Just skips it.

Right over to Arizona.

Yeah, it's, you know,

it's like

taking the local if you're from Arizona.

You don't want to see.

And you are,

you had a bit of a confusing story when you were here before because I hadn't seen the show Landman.

I don't think you need to see the show to have a nice time with me, Scott.

What was your favorite?

I do happen to be a water man.

Right.

I'm in Los Angeles working with their Department of Water and Power.

But mostly I am staying in your ADU.

That's right.

As you know, but I'll remind the audience, of course.

And just trying to get used to all these modern amenities that you have in Los Angeles that are not really for me.

Yeah, what are some of the modern amenities?

Well, the current one I am dealing with is still your sling TV, Scott.

Right, yes.

You were unable to get channels.

You have a sling box in the ADU?

Yeah, well, you know, we don't want to put actual cable in here.

I understand.

We don't want to pay for the hookups.

I've got no problem with it, but I'm trying to watch my World Series of poker, and every time.

How often does that occur, by the way?

Because you're always saying I'm trying to watch the World Series of Poker.

Do they have like 12 a year?

It's one a year.

It happens in the summer, but thank God.

So technology's not all bad.

Now we have a network on Sling that shows all poker all the time.

Oh, wow.

So is it all you said?

We have a show on Sling.

Are you part of Sling?

I would love to be.

I meant we the people.

I see.

You know,

as our Constitution begins.

As the greatest document known to American man has ever been.

Yeah, you pulled out a pocket Constitution out of your front pocket.

That's waving it in the air right now.

Well, I am constantly waiting to be shot in the chest and hoping that that will protect me.

Yeah, it does not look metallic at all.

And now that I'm noticing it, you do have a number of other pockets that look like they also have Constitutions.

I'm pretty well protected.

You're also wearing a bulletproof vest, so that'll probably do the trick better than the constitution well you also have one of those plexiglass drummer cages and like the Pokémobile hat around it that's right and it appears that every limb is individually miced and you're wearing a suit of armor

this is maybe overkill

I happen to disagree I love my country

every item you mentioned is either forged by something constitution related the frame that the constitution is in, the glass that's on it.

Okay, what about the armor?

The armor is the armor that every single

founding padre had to wear when Sean.

Thanks for making it cool, by the way.

Oh, yeah, yeah, daddy.

They each put on, they donned a suit of armor to sign.

I had no idea.

But does Don Jr.

have his own suit of armor?

They donned the suit of armor, but Don has donned no suit of armor yet.

I see.

Okay, gotcha.

Is that that makes total sense to me?

Thank you very much.

So, what are you doing here?

Well, I want to

pop by because I'm going to go.

This is more than a pop-by at this point.

Oh, because I sat in front of the microphone and I kind of bumped the guest out of the way to ask you about this.

You made our previous three guests leave.

You said you wanted to talk to me privately.

And then

you said roll tape.

They said they could stay, and you said I'd rather you not.

I've got big stuff to do.

And I appreciate them leaving and respecting a boundary that a couple of you did not respect.

And also, you think you FaceTimed a bomb threat to just those three people?

Yeah, but I think it was pretty anonymous because I had one of the animojis on.

It was a bomb threat from a T-Rex, as far as they all know.

But

it is very important.

I'd rather just talk to you, Scott, but since everyone's here, I'm just a little...

Hey, you know what?

Anything you say to me, you can say to my great friends, Bing Lujo and and Jason Manzuka.

Name a more iconic trio.

We'll wait.

Third eye blind.

But anyway.

Shit, I didn't think I'd be able to do it.

So fast.

I just want, I needed to ask you.

I am going to see.

You can just ask me.

You don't say you need to ask me.

You can just ask something.

Okay, so I'm going to say a sentence now.

Which will end with a question mark.

Okay, sure.

To which I would like a response.

I'm suitably prepared.

All right.

I am seeing sinners at the AMC movie theater.

The movie or just people that you

are sitting in judgment of?

I mean, at an AMC, both can be true.

Yes, I've done both, but today is Ryan Koogler's film, Sinners.

And maybe I'll stick around after, eat myself a little bit of Coldstone Creamery, sit on the Batman statue, and look at Sinners.

But the question I have for you is:

in this newfangled world, what time do I get there?

It used to be you showed up at a movie,

they started the trailers, there'd be two or three.

This is stand-up, and then the movie-like this stand-up.

It has the marketing

to sound.

The cadence of stand-up.

This is why I wanted to just talk privately because I'm already being humiliated here in a way that you would not have humiliated us.

This is a chunk.

What are you asking?

Are you asking

you want to dip in just two trailers before the movie things just used to be so different from a simple water man and i'm just having trouble as a man in this crazy

man twice well i am well one was water man yeah which is kind of a title title yeah

probably i mean a water person probably because anybody can do this job yes but i

I don't want to get into it, but I happen to be a water man.

I see.

And I believe, with no broad commentary, that the water person should be a man.

I don't believe that about all jobs.

That's, I mean, you can't just say you believe something

with no broad commentary.

Okay.

And while I appreciate that, I think that is a

way to try and avoid any scrutiny, which I think we should be applying.

It is.

Hey.

You were tricked by the best.

Well,

it's a man's game.

It's like the end of the John Wick movies.

You and me facing off Mano Emano.

Mano Emano?

Mano Emano.

You weren't sure which one it was, so you better split it.

I hit both, and now I got all audiences, and you cannot accuse me of mangling my spangling.

Didn't it used to be mano a mano, which was man-to-man?

I believe so.

And now it's man-end-man?

I believe so.

Now, what's the broad commentary here?

It's Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve.

Did he get me a game?

I think he did.

Two points for the waterman.

Yeah, I saw your toe on the line.

Yeah, that's right.

I shouldn't have worn my size 15 cowboy boots.

So what are you asking me?

Well, at what time?

Just get there.

Get there 10 minutes before the trailers nowadays are about a half hour.

Okay, so 10 minutes before what?

Including all the, you know,

Maria Menuno's trivia.

I want to see that.

You want to see that.

Don't you really see Coke and Sprite race to the death?

I didn't realize.

It was to the death.

I just assumed.

I assumed because they would get drunk.

Do you want to do the name jumble?

One of them's Don Cheadle.

Do you want to see?

Well, now I don't.

Do you want to see the ads for, you know, you two, your business can advertise here?

Yes.

This is the most captive audience.

I have a business I'd like to advertise.

Okay, you'd want to get there like an hour before the movie, then.

Christ.

Okay, I should probably roll soon then.

What time is your movie?

3 p.m.

Today?

Yes.

It's past 3 p.m.

It's 6 p.m.

right now.

Well, god damn it.

I'm missing sinners.

Oh, yeah.

Once again.

They'll show it again.

They show movies all day.

They didn't used to be that way.

It would be one screening, and you mostly went just to get into the cool air.

So this is post-air conditioning.

Yes.

But pre-arming.

They're showing one movie a day.

Correct.

Yeah.

What were they doing the rest of the day?

At the theater?

Yes.

Cleaning up the popcorn.

Asked and answered, right?

Theaters didn't used to be so sticky, Scott.

The only reason the floors are that sticky now is too many showings, in my opinion.

They would do a full deep clean after every showing, like 12 hours of cleaning.

Right.

This man knows.

I got to ask you, where did you go to high school?

Where do I go to high school?

Where did you go to high school?

Currently, East Valley High School in North Hollywood.

Oh, you are going to high school?

Oh, wow.

Well, I go to high schools to just explain to the kids how things used to be different.

You're invited?

No, no.

You don't have to be invited to it's not vampire rules at high schools yeah

is it just in the quad uh yes i i go into the quad and i get a little hacky sack so the kids think we're having a fun a little hacky sack not one of the big ones well how could you kick a big one

why do they make them if you can't kick a big hacky sack why make a big sack now these guys know what it's like to be a man in this crazy world i i you see a big hacky sack and you go it didn't used to be this way yeah and you go and you go to people that work at stores, and you spend 30 to 45 minutes telling them how it used to be and why it's wrong now.

And they say, sir, that's a beanbag chair.

Not a beanbag chair.

So you've had the same issue.

Oh, I've had this issue.

I love Sal store.

And this is a Wendy's.

So, I, Russ, I don't think the world has changed all that much.

I mean, you like they're still showing movies, they still have trailers.

Like, maybe they have a couple more than they used to.

Maria Manunoi kind of knew.

That's true.

Yeah.

It's in her name.

Compared to

Nicole Kidman.

Nicole Kidman is there.

That's new.

New Cole Kidman.

New Cole Kidman.

New Coke Kidman.

New Coke Kidman.

She should change her name.

New Cochidman.

She should change her name to New Coke.

Nuko Kidman.

They kind of did that with New Coke in a way.

They said it's New Coke.

And then they went,

Nokidman.

Nu Coke.

New Coke.

Oh, I get it.

New Cochidne.

New Kochia.

Nukididya Barris?

Kidnya.

Kidney.

Kidney.

Kidny.

Kidney.

I'm kidding you.

Oh, I thought you you meant kidneys.

No, but maybe Nuco Kidney?

Nuco Kidney.

Should Nicole Kidman change her name to Nuko Kidney?

Let's put a survey up in the podcast right now and see what the fans are saying.

Yeah.

Vote on this in the chat.

Nuko Kidney Bean.

Okay.

I don't know.

That's gilding the lily.

Wait, hang on.

I don't want to shut it down right away.

We could maybe make kidney bean really something, Jason.

No, no, no.

By the way, Russ, you're not part of this.

Yeah, Russia.

Shut the fuck up.

We were riffing here.

See, this always happens, Scott.

I've been in your alternate dwelling unit for a little couple months now.

Kidney Bean should be what Jason Bourne's name is now.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

The bean identity.

I wish Bean Dip was still here.

I know.

She'd have a field day.

Here's her hot right now.

May I ask why?

Why what?

Kidney bean should be as hot.

I would awake the bean.

Yeah.

We brought up the bean.

Jason brought up the bean.

We feel bad for him.

So it's.

We got to move it into that.

All right.

The bean ultimatum.

Yep.

Right.

The bean dependency.

The bean dependency?

That's got to be one of the ones that stars

Renner.

Yes.

Well, Russ, it's great getting to know you.

It's been absolutely.

Never have I believed you less in my life.

Scott, I love every moment we've had together because it's mainly you asking me sling TV questions.

Well, that's

pretty much

the foundation of our relationship.

Well, I've got another one, Scott.

I keep trying to get on your Wi-Fi down there.

We intentionally have not given you the password.

Okay, so it doesn't pop up on your phone when I try to get up.

Like a friend of yours is trying to get on the phone.

It's popping up that Russ Suaro wants your Wi-Fi password.

I would love to be on there.

I would love to put that DNS in.

In my day, we'd all just share one internet together.

But this world is so segmented with everyone's Wi-Fi.

No, it's an ADU.

Ackerman main, Ackerman guest.

Why can't I be on main with you?

Because it was right there in the contract that you are required to pay for your own internet.

We don't want to be paying for, by the way, and I've seen your internet bill that's come to the house.

It accidentally got delivered to me.

I mean, like, is it supposed to list all these weird sites that you go to?

I requested that because

I want my bill itemized because I don't want them screwing me on that.

So I want to say every website and be like, I don't think I visited that one, but it's been pretty accurate.

But yeah,

what is Bork.gov?

Well, I'll tell you what.

It is a drunken typo.

Supreme Court, almost Justice Robert Bork.

I think it might be.

That's what I don't know.

That is.

How many near Supreme Court justices are we mentioning?

You've been there thousands of times.

Harriet Meyer?

You know that thing where you remember that

you know someone's name is either like Chris or Sean.

Okay.

And you're like, I know I got it wrong last time.

I think I said Chris, so I'm going to say Sean this time.

You go, hey, Sean.

And one of the times I'll be wrong.

Yes.

But you're always wrong.

I have that because I keep looking to download a digital download of a Bjork album.

And I think you keep downloading an analysis.

Do you think you download of it?

You're trying to download a record.

I've tried to download a record.

Well, I'm accidentally, and so I'm like, well, I think I went to Bjork.gov last time.

So this time I'll go to Bork.gov.

And then if that doesn't work, you'll just go, you'll keep taking

one letter out of it?

Yes.

So I go to Bo,

Bo.go,

which is, of course, the Obama's dogs.

Of course, of course.

Brussels, I thought we wrapped up earlier.

Oh, is that a wrap-up?

Usually, when I say it's nice meeting you.

Oh,

I thought it was just a nice thing to say to somebody.

It's nice meeting you.

I am getting the keep the, I think I'm getting the

stretch signal?

Stretch it out signal, okay.

What about this?

Okay, we don't have time for your stand-up,

your

witty observations about the modern world.

We don't have time for any of them.

All right.

Well, this is why, you know,

I would like to just have a nice man's dinner with you one night without all of this, and no offense, riffraff around, because then you get into your.

I can't say no offense and then say something really offensive to people.

I can't say no offense.

I can't preface my question.

Riffraff is pretty.

That's not a compliment.

Well, it is if I'm referring to the recent Bill Murray Ed Harris movie, which I gave four stars on my letterbox.

Okay, I'm not, again, I'm not interested in your letterbox.

You've tried to get me to go visit that.

I can't tell where you live politically.

What if it's a Richard O'Brien character from

a Rocky Repicture show?

Then I would say it's a compliment.

You're very crafty.

Okay, Russ, it's been nice knowing you.

Are you going to kill me?

I'm not going to kill you.

You can stick around, in fact.

All right, I'll be back.

You can stick around.

We need to get to our next show.

I just got to catch a movie, but please.

You missed the movie.

Okay, well, I don't know what I'm doing tonight then.

Okay, I'm not interested, but you can stick around till the end of the show.

I'm gonna go to Pooh Bell.

Okay, now I really don't know what's going on with you.

Are you going to La Poobell?

Yes,

on the Franklin block, yeah.

I'm beefing with them because, as you may know, the people who take videos of them and post them online, I have been in the background holding different Van Lou and ice creams in every video, and it has embarrassed me in front of my family and friends.

What too specific?

What flavor?

I like specific references, but this is, I don't think anyone knows what you're talking about other than maybe four people at this table.

Well, I don't want to leave Jason's question hanging about the flavors.

Cookies and cream.

Okay.

Great.

Vegan cookies and cream.

Yeah, I like that one.

You have vegan cookies.

Vegan cookies and cream and cookies and cream.

I prefer the vegan, believe it or not.

But you buy both.

Well,

I didn't want to because I was like, vegan ice cream.

But we got these cows.

We are a country of farms.

They said, just try it, Waterman.

And I said, I'll do it once, but I don't like trying new things.

And it blew my dick off.

Right off.

And so you went to the non-vegan one to see if you guys have a trendy tree.

Russ, we were wrapping up.

Are the cookies and cream both vegan?

You got to be.

Yeah.

Oreos are vegan treats.

Is that true?

Oreo is a yes, is vegan.

Because they're just made with science.

Yes, because it's literally all preservatives.

Okay, Russ, Russ Farrow.

Can I ask him one more question?

All right.

Whatever you need.

Go crazy at this point.

What's a man's dinner to you?

Oh.

Oh, great question, King.

Well, it used to be a nice

Chinese dinner.

What?

Wait a minute.

Did not anticipate that.

Eaten out of the

succulent Chinese meal eaten out of a box amongst friends while you're kind of trying to come up with the best idea together.

It's midnight.

You got the chopsticks on the rice.

But now, and I used to get it delivered straight from the restaurant, but now I've got to use DoorDash.

Uh-huh.

You could, no, but you could.

And Postmates is Uber Eats now, Scott.

You could go around them and just call the restaurant.

It's just stand-up.

I don't disagree.

It's just stand-up.

Yeah.

This is not interesting.

This is just exposition for the joke.

I don't care.

I don't care.

Well, please don't imply that there's a joke at the end.

It's all setups.

No punchline.

Yeah, I guess so.

Okay, look.

Russ Suaro is here.

We need to move on to our next guest.

Russ Wireless here?

Suaro.

Suare.

Oh, Suaro, yes.

I thought you were doing a new guy.

Russ Wireless here.

Russ Wireless.

Hello.

I'm just now noticing that Russ has like a tan line on his wedding ring finger.

I guess we can ask about that.

What's going on?

I just.

Look, if you just noticed it.

This is late-breaking news.

What's going on?

I am recently separated, but what you're noticing is...

It's a reverse tan, by the way.

It's darker where the ring used to be.

That's my mistake, because what happened was we broke up and I took it off, and there was no tan line, and I wanted people to ask.

So I went to a salon.

So

you covered the rest of your body other than the ring?

Yes,

and then I left and I went, oh, this was a mistake.

So I'm not this dark normally.

All right, let's get to him.

It's the 16th anniversary, so of course we have a guest that we love returning.

And then also a new guy.

Let's welcome him.

He is a community activist.

Please welcome Jim Reese.

Oh, thank you, Scott, so much for having me.

Of course.

Yeah.

This is Russ Suaro, if you're interested.

How are you?

Pleasure.

What's that about?

Tell me about what you spit.

What's the spit up?

It's a cowboy handshake.

You spit on your hands to let each other know you both.

You hocked up a pretty good Loogie there.

Yeah, and you didn't do that to anybody else when you met them in the room.

Well, I knew a man when I saw a man there, and I'm sorry.

I had milk.

That's why it was a bigger Loogie than normal.

That's why I have have a cloying amount of milk in Starburst that I have

a cloying amount yeah and I don't think that a cowboy handshake includes a loogie yeah

that's where if things are different on the west coast

I've left you hanging let's get that handshake out

he's really going in for it whoa

look at feel it in her firm Jim Reese welcome to the show thanks so much uh I hope look I know this is a comedy show, right?

Yeah, it can be, but we get serious sometimes.

Okay, because I have a serious issue I want to talk about.

I live in

Comedy Bang Bang.

We care.

I've heard that.

Yeah, that's getting around.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Oh, I think so.

I think it's fine.

And if you're a community activist, this is, you know, this show goes out to the greater Los Angeles community.

So

that's a good place to get

your platform.

That's exactly.

I want to get a message out there.

And if, and if you speak to the...

This is Bing Lujo, by the way.

Hi.

Oh, hello.

All right.

It's nice to meet you.

Oh, it's great.

Do you want a hug?

Okay.

All Come on in.

What about a cowboy hug?

You guys spit on each other's arms and I spit on my chest.

Now, how about, just for good measure, Christian side hug.

Okay.

Yeah.

Let's keep it.

There we go.

There we go.

It's nice to have human contact.

My wife died yesterday.

Oh, my gosh.

I'm so sorry.

Yesterday?

Are you sure?

Yeah, excuse me.

Look, we're older people.

It's still

my wife died yesterday.

You get past it really fast.

Every day is here.

He says his wife.

And you don't wanna get about it.

We go in my whisper whispering here on earth

no i i don't know i think he's maybe either reliving the same day over and over again like

or maybe

still i yeah anyway hi bing

yeah hi yeah hi bing oh nice to meet you nice to meet you too so what were you going to talk about anti-littering okay okay there's too much littering in the streets of los angeles so you want people to anti-litter you want them to throw away non-litter

no i'm hoping that they pick up the litter.

So throw things out the window that are just not technically litter.

No, I don't.

So throw things that are meant to be out the window?

Yeah, out the window.

Throw leaves out the window onto the ground.

No, no, no, no.

Just the litter.

Does it have to be out of a window?

Doesn't throw it out of

a doorway?

None of these.

It shouldn't be out a window or a door.

Just the litter.

What do you want us to throw?

What do you define as non-litter?

Like a television set?

Well, if it's in a living room and being used, that is not litter.

So you throw that out the door.

Well, not necessarily.

I'm hoping that there's...

See, there's a lot.

I don't get what you're saying.

So, let's start by defining litter.

Great question.

Great.

And who are you?

This is Jason Manzuka.

Nice to meet you.

A pleasure.

So, a litter of, let's say, so, for example, a litter of puppies.

Well, you know, oddly enough, that's not the litter that I'm talking about.

So, you're fine with people throwing away like newborn kittens?

Not at all.

You said you're anti-litter.

So you are anti-litter.

You did say that.

I did.

So you're anti-dog, anti-cat,

anti-any.

Anti-this, anti-that.

You know, if it's necessary for the environment, then I will be anti-tune's going.

You're anti-dog.

Anti-cat.

Anti-this.

Anti-that.

He's attention at all.

And he doesn't care if you throw it out the door.

Yeah, I didn't think I was going to use this drum major stick I brought.

Thank you so much.

So wait, did you pick that off the ground?

Someone threw that away.

I assume it was thrown away.

That's what I'm surprised at.

So I but I picked it up because it was thrown away and that's hurting the environment.

Are you happy that you were able to pick it up?

Are you happy that you found the thing and that it was useful here?

Yes.

Then that's not litter.

Did that make you happy?

Then that's not a bad thing.

Did that make you happy?

Yes, yes.

So then a good, then litter made you happy.

No, but only once it was no longer litter, right?

Turning it from litter to non-litter made me happy.

When did that happen?

When I, okay, when I found a use for it.

When I found a use for the trash, right?

One man's trash, as they say.

Yes, what did they say?

Is bad.

Yes.

Or

it's another man's useful item.

Okay, right.

So I'm saying, look, here's.

What do you feel about litter in the word literature?

That's a good question.

Never thought about it.

It's a good ass question.

I've never, I would, well, I'm pro-literature, certainly.

What is your favorite book?

My

novel.

Okay.

I'm not much of a reader.

So you can't say the Bible.

Okay.

I wasn't going to say the Bible.

I'm not much of a reader, to be honest.

So I'm afraid this question might be a little bit of a double-blinder.

What do you read?

Yeah, what have you read in your life?

Just as.

List all the books you've read.

In order?

A snowy day.

That was the first book you ever read?

I think maybe, yes, A Snowy Day.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

The Mouse of the Day.

Pretty advanced.

The Mouse of the Motorcycle.

It's the phone I remember.

The Mouse of the Motorcycle.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

I'm skipping some, I'm sure.

These are the ones that are coming to mind.

And And what's the last book that you read?

The most recent book I read?

And hopefully, it has a creature and an item.

It's not my fault that the genre of children's.

The box and the motorcycle, the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe.

That's not the elephant and the stool.

No, the most

stuff.

I'm not calling out things I'm seeing right now.

I'm sorry.

The faults and our stars by John Green.

Okay, well, that has a fault and some stars.

Name a more iconic duo.

Me, Lennon McCartney.

I don't like this guy.

I don't like the medals.

They're okay.

Well, I'm lucky.

They're not here anymore.

Screw it.

Let's just talk about the stones.

Okay.

So, what do you want to talk about?

I'm just saying it's a very simple message.

Is it?

It's seeming so less.

You need to strip some of the elements out of this.

Okay, great.

If I pick out it, no, no.

Hey, that's good for me to know.

If there's good feedback, I want to take that feedback and make it better.

I want less litter in Los Angeles.

So pick it up.

Well, I am.

I am picking up.

You want less litter in Los Angeles.

Pick it up, guys.

Pick it up.

Pick it up.

Pick it up.

Pick it up.

Pick it up.

Oh, I'm scared.

Put your drum major stick down.

It fits in.

It keeps being useful.

Let me.

Sorry, this is Russuaro.

Hey, nice to meet you.

We did a coverage.

Oh, yeah, the cowboy.

We met him.

We know each other deeply and intimately.

I am noticing you.

And

most advocates for things that I would consider non-masculine, like picking up litter, come in with this

non-alpha energy.

And you're letting these guys big dog you about a thing you love.

I think you got to big dog them and say, I love to hate litter.

Okay.

And anyone who doesn't is a coward.

And then you shoot them.

Or you pull out a gun or a knife or threaten them.

Can they hear this?

Are we in the middle of the moment?

Yeah, no, we're hearing everything.

Oh, really?

Well, I'm not going to shoot anybody, but you know what?

I will try to alpha it up a a little bit.

Okay.

Russ.

Okay.

There we go.

Hey, assholes.

Don't like that.

What did you say?

I said, hey, asshole.

Hey, you got a problem with me, asshole?

Stop pushing my shoulder.

Stop pushing my shoulder.

I didn't know his sleeves could roll up that high.

He's really getting ready to fight.

Like right up to the pin.

It looks tightly.

Ooh, you're getting.

Ooh, I'm going to go Dr.

Robbie on you.

His arms are turning purple.

That's too tight.

Ooh.

Oh, I got the purple arms.

I don't like litter.

Okay?

We should pick up litter.

That's what I'm saying.

We got to clean up this town.

So you're saying you want us all to pick up litter?

I don't respond well to being yelled at.

Are we all going to get one of those polls with the nail on the end?

No, this is just a drum major staff that I found on the way, and I know you

pick up the litter.

Stop talking about your poll.

Right.

I can get you one of those.

Yes.

I can't promise you.

No, we all want one.

Yes.

And we want good ones.

We don't want shitty ones.

There's no shitty ones.

You want us to pick up the litter?

I think we should all do our part.

And give us the

fucking sticks.

You know what we should do is convince people not to litter.

Then we won't have to pick up litter.

Jack, a good idea.

Then we won't have to pick up Jack's shit.

That's a great using our sticks.

I don't need you to rubber stamp people.

I bet you need Jack coming.

We should use our sharp sticks to threaten people.

Yeah.

That if you litter, that's not what they're for.

We're going to stab you.

I've got one sharp stick.

I have one sharp stick.

Here, I'll give it to you, Bing.

Thank you.

Okay, so you asked for it.

Wait a second.

That's just a stick with a nail on it.

We can make that.

Let's make more of those.

No, that.

Well, yeah, that's how I just fashioned that.

You didn't invent it, though, did you?

Well, I'm not trying to patent it.

Great.

We can do it without you.

That's fine with me.

I don't need to.

We don't need you as part of this process.

That's great.

I'm just trying to get the message.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

This guy's tricking us into picking up all those litter.

It's Tom Sawyering.

That's not at all.

That's not at all.

I don't want to stick.

Yeah, you pick it up.

You pick up all the litter and then come back and tell us how it went.

I've picked up some of the litter.

I've done my part.

Some?

Well, yeah.

How much?

Which pieces?

Yeah.

I don't have a list of the...

Well, let me see.

Two plastic from an individually wrapped slice of cheese.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, guys.

I'm seeing some litter right outside the door here.

Yeah.

It's a piece of paper that's been crumpled up.

Yeah.

Let me undo this.

Yeah, uncrumple it.

This is a list of books.

And this is a lot like the list of books that you said you've read.

All right, so it's my garbage.

What do you want?

What do you want?

So you're littering.

I littered a little bit.

A little bit.

A litter bit.

Yeah, I littered a litter bit just to come inside.

I didn't want to buy it.

My yard is strewn with pieces of paper.

I would not say it is strewn, sir.

I think that is an overstatement.

We're not at strewn.

So you're responsible for the rash of littering that this town has seen over here.

The literature?

The rash.

The literati.

I'm not the literati.

I'm not the litter litter rash.

I leave a few things behind when I go inside people's homes.

Clean up your own mess.

Sorry, have you noticed that there's a big pile of human shit outside the door?

Is that you as well?

Yes.

Are you not?

Are you not littering?

Did you want me to shit inside your house?

I think that was

the shitter.

Are you shittering?

Yes.

Are you the shitterati?

Shittering is not littering because it melts.

Not fast enough.

It melts.

It melts.

It melts.

It melts like ice cream.

Yes.

What do you mean?

shit?

Shit melts.

Shit melts.

Said a thing that only a childless man could say.

I don't know for sure that I'm childless.

We're pretty sure.

You just met me.

Listen, the shit melts, so it's not littering.

And I don't want to bring, I don't want to step inside someone's house when I'm chock full of shit.

I want to empty it out.

Chock full of chock full.

I don't want to.

Where?

Where were you?

It's fucking gross.

Your home and here.

Nope.

Four taco stands.

Four?

Yes.

Why not just get four tacos from one sand?

Yeah, you can get a taste test.

No, I just thought I only need one.

I'm watching what I eat, but then it was so good.

I got to the next taco stand.

I'm like, okay, just one more.

Okay.

Okay, so you're a glutton.

I would not.

I do not subscribe to that deadly sense.

Four?

Four tacos.

At that point.

Four tacos.

So you're for Taco Jim.

I mean, you could say that I'm for Taco Jim.

I guess that would be a nickname that would fit.

What did you do with all the...

Why didn't you introduce yourself that way?

Because it's not a name that I had before six seconds ago.

It seems pretty fucking obvious.

I don't like litter, except when I'm going inside someone's house and my pockets have some papers of my personal records of memories.

I think this is what you get off on, man.

Yeah, kids.

I think you get off going to people's houses, littering around their yards, and taking a big shit outside the door.

I think that's your whole thing.

What makes you think I'm a roused rat?

Did you treat Mark Marin this way on WTF?

Never.

What?

I mean, or here.

Or here.

You did treat me this way.

No, just because, well, out of respect.

I took a shit outside of your door out of respect.

I'm not, I don't like to kink shame.

And I never kink shame.

You don't like it.

Is this related to you?

You're disgusting.

Yeah.

Your kink is disgusting.

And you should not ashamed.

I feel like your kink is kink shaming people.

Yeah, it is.

And you should be ashamed of that.

I am.

Listen, I feel ashamed of that.

You're not kink shaming me because it's not a kink of mine.

It's not a kink of mine to take a shit outside.

I'm not saying it is.

That would do a lot for me.

Maybe someday.

All right, look, Jim.

you suck.

You're not going to be in the second book.

All right.

Come on.

Somebody's got to be.

Somebody's not coming back.

You're not going to be in the second book.

There's nothing going on with you.

And the stuff you were saying about the Holocaust earlier, you're glad it was off, Mike.

Yeah.

Although I might record it as a bonus episode because the mics were on.

Yes.

That's not fair.

You told me they were off.

Sorry.

For Taco Jim's thoughts on the Holocaust.

CBB presenter.

Before we move on to my segment, because I have a feeling that I will never get a chance to speak on this podcast, I just want to remind everybody that I came in here and said I'm against littering.

But then we got to the real heart of the matter.

Yeah, right.

And you're a piece of shit.

You're a fucking villain, bro.

You're twisting.

Quite a heel turn.

You're revealed.

Thank you for having me.

Yours is a legacy of shit.

Thank you for having me.

Pleasure to have you on.

Hey.

Let's get to our

next and final guest.

Of course, we have our old, old friends here on the show, as well as new people.

And this is someone that we've never met before.

Please welcome to the show for the first time, Bitsy Bottom.

Hi, Scotchy.

Hi.

Hi, Bitsy.

Hi.

How are you doing?

Hi.

It's great to meet you, Bitsy.

I'm Josh.

How are you doing?

Hi, Josh.

What?

Hi.

Hi.

No, hi.

Hi, Joe, Josh.

I'm a.

What?

What?

Sorry, Bitsy.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm a little round weasel.

You're a little weaseless.

A little round weasel?

I'm a little round weasel.

Yeah, I came from my Koji borough.

I live under a wise oak tree.

Oh, yeah, in Whistlewash Farm.

In Whistlewash Farm?

Yeah, you know where Whistlewash is?

In Redwood Forest.

Oh, in the Redwood Forest.

Yeah.

Have you been there?

No, I've never even heard of it.

It's so cool there.

I've been to the Redwood Forest.

You have?

Yeah, it's beautiful.

I've been to the Gulf Stream Waters.

Have you been to the Wise Old Tree?

It's so cozy.

I've never been to the Goldfield.

Oh, we got squirrelies in there.

We got owlies in there.

Sounds very cozy.

Yeah, we got badgies in there.

We got raccoonies in there.

We got everybody, all kinds of critters in there.

All in the tree.

Yeah, we love.

We love sweet stuff.

We love cute stuff.

Okay.

Like honey?

You like honey?

Honey.

Yeah, sure.

Is there a

maybe in a hive, right?

A hive?

That was.

It took you a while for a hive, huh?

Hey.

Hey, we got plum jump.

I said a lot of words today.

No, well, we got plum jump pie.

What?

Plum jump pie?

Plum jump jump pie.

Yeah, we got ladybugs with too many spots.

That's cute.

Too many.

Yeah, so many spots.

Do you have ladybugs with normal amount of spots?

Sure, but no one, you know, everybody's like, oh, yeah, that's it.

And we got, we also got all kinds of sweet stuff.

We got jump ropes.

we got, uh, you know, what is it called, sweetberry juice, all kinds of stuff.

But I haven't come out in 13 years.

This is my first time.

Big city in 13 years.

Welcome, thank you so much for being on the show.

Oh, no problem.

Like a rum spring, Ellie.

Yeah, it's sort of like that.

Like all the critters.

Shall I tell you all the critters?

Do we elect like a representative to go outside?

Right.

Oh, they you were, this is an elected position.

Yeah, it is.

Okay.

And we haven't been out

of the tree.

I haven't been out of the tree in 13 years, so we don't know what's going on.

So they send me what I what do you guys think?

What do you got?

What are you doing?

These questions.

Oh, okay.

I got a list of questions for all the everyone in the tree.

I'm sure we can answer them.

What's going on?

Questions since 2012?

I don't sound like that.

Sure.

That's great.

You did the math.

What a position of honor you have.

Oh, yeah, I was elected.

People were saying that.

Let's touch up.

Oh, sorry, what?

Yeah, people were saying you did math for years.

Okay, great.

Just like a thing.

By the way, anyone want some

crumb dumb dumbbees?

Crumb dumb dumblies?

I don't even know.

There's a little.

Do you know what crumb dumbbellies?

I don't know what crumb dumplums.

Okay, it's kind of like go-go dumplings.

I don't know what those are.

Yeah, it's kind of like Onakas.

Onakas.

Onakas, I don't know what those are.

I'm okay.

I don't know.

Like a doku nut.

We don't know any of your.

You bite it and it's like a doku nut.

No, we don't know any of your food.

Do you know what like an umbrella looks like?

I don't, yes, yes.

Okay, yeah, so it's nothing like that.

Oh, okay.

Do you want one?

No,

no.

Okay, well, I have some questions.

Can I ask you some questions?

Sure, yeah.

Maybe we can all answer some of the, some of uh uh okay.

This question is from uh my uh oh, my girlfriend Uni Kuni.

Uni Kuni.

You have a girlfriend.

Hi, her girlfriend, yeah.

How old are you?

Me?

Twelve.

Twelve.

No, I'm a weasel.

You're not twelve been out in 13 minutes.

Oh, it's different for weasels.

I mean, if it's like the dog years.

Oh, got it.

Got it.

Yeah, every weasel here is nine years.

Oh, yeah.

So you're quite old.

You're an elder.

You do the math.

Sure.

118, maybe?

Uni Kuni.

Or 8.

Uh-huh.

Asks.

Okay,

this is what she asks.

Did we finally elect a president who prioritizes being a sweetie pie?

Oh,

not a special.

Let's say in the last 12 years?

Okay, say no.

Yeah, we're going to be able to do that.

I think the answer is no.

Who is the president?

I'd rather not say, but it is Donald J.

Trump.

The movie star?

The Tallinn?

From Hamoon 2,

yes.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

Oh, that's weird.

It is weird.

That's okay.

That's all right.

All right.

This is from Mama Egg.

Oh, Mama Egg?

Yeah, she's the princess of cupcakes.

Okay, she wants to know: is it true that AI stands for almond ice cream?

Almond ice cream.

Yeah.

No.

That would be AIC.

Yeah.

Probably.

Oh,

snowing the road right now with Bernie.

AI stands for artificial intelligence.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

You got that one wrong.

Which speaking of your first question.

Yeah,

both of your questions happen to be, the answers happen to be things that are disrupting and disintegrating society.

All right, right.

Okay, well, this is from,

that's okay.

This is from Sour Cream Pie.

Sour cream pie.

Yeah, he's my brother.

He's your brother.

Oh, okay.

He wants to know: is it still a fact that his birthday is regarded as the best day ever?

His birth.

What is his birthday?

January 6th.

Oh.

Oh.

Wow.

I don't, I mean, I think

Harrison McGarth would probably ask.

Yeah, I was going to say, it it depends on who you ask.

Date redacted is, I think, what we're calling.

I'm not getting a vibe.

Someone be clear.

There's been a vibe shift.

Yeah.

I think it is no longer the coolest day ever.

Although, Russ Suaro, you've been awfully silent during this.

Well,

you know, I don't believe a sweetie pie should be run in a country.

Okay, all right.

I believe that AI should stand for almond ice cream, so we do agree on that one.

Oh, yeah.

By the way, I love you.

Oh.

I love everybody.

You're so cute.

Scotchie, I love you.

May I.

When you deliver, in our culture, we have a lot of deep voice, huh?

Oh, hey, Josh.

And you got a high one.

Hey, baby, baby.

All right.

Can I mitemply clam on your shoulder?

Come on up.

I mean, you have a scampering right up there.

Hi, hello, hi.

Here, why don't you eat one of these little, what'd you call it, a dumpling?

Yeah, a Google dumpling.

There you go.

Can I ask you a question?

Oh, yeah.

Because it's just something my mom wants to know.

Who's your mom now?

My mom?

My mom's name is Erdie Birdie.

Ertie Birdie?

Yeah, she's a pissnut.

Oh, she's a pissnut?

Yeah, that's what we call the queen of the tree.

Okay.

She wants to know.

Why not queen?

Why not queen of the tree?

It's just cuter.

Oh, it is.

I mean, I don't know.

My mom wants to know.

Your mom wants to know.

How are all my girls making choices about their bodies doing?

That was your mom's question.

That's my mom's question.

You know, know, a lot's changed in 12 years.

You know, why?

What happened?

Roe v.

Wade was overturned.

I don't know if you're aware of that.

No, I'm aware.

Yeah.

Oh, you are aware?

No, yeah, no, I'm aware of Roe v.

Wade.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, that's no longer the law.

You can't say you're aware when someone says Roe v.

Wade.

I thought it was a two-part question.

When you deliver this news there, how do you imagine they're all going to react?

I don't know.

It's pretty all bad news.

Maybe there's something good in there.

Okay, sure.

Ask us one.

I'm sure there's got to be something.

There's got to be some good questions.

How was LeBron James's funeral?

Uh-oh.

I don't think he hasn't passed away.

Oh, that's good.

Yeah.

What's he doing?

He's still playing basketball.

Get the hell out of here.

Along with his son?

Jesus Christ.

Who asked that question?

Whose question?

That was the caterpillar cookie.

Why did Cookie assume that LeBron James was dead?

Because

she's so goddamn old.

Do you guys know?

Not really by human standards.

No, No, we don't have that much information on TV.

We have a couple movies.

Oh, which movies do you?

Crimson Tide.

Oh, of course.

We have Crimson Tide and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Oh, I have terrible news for you, vis-a-vis Crimson Tide.

Oh, Gene Hackman has passed away.

No, he was one of our big three.

He is.

He was one of our big three.

Big three?

Yeah, favorite three actors on the tree, in the wise old tree.

Who were the three?

Gene Hackman, it was Woody Allen and Bill Cosby.

Uh-oh.

Bill Cosby, you described as an actor primarily?

Bill Cosby.

How would you describe Bill Cosby?

Comedian,

maybe?

Okay, and what did he do on the Cosby show?

He acted.

Okay,

I would step off, okay?

Okay, my apologies.

It's like, what?

You never saw the devil named Max Devlin?

Ooh,

I got a question from Rudy Rue.

He's the Acorn guy.

Rudy Rue.

What is Rudy Rue?

Rudy Rue.

Rudy Rue, he wants to know.

Let's see.

He wants to know, how how quickly did we learn a good lesson from Columbine?

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

Well, it depends on what the lesson is.

If the lesson learned was, this works, we should do this constantly, we learned it immediately.

Oh, yeah.

So, there's been more?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, quite a few more.

Almost every day.

Almost every day there is something that counts as a mass shoot.

Oh, God.

But you know what?

You got to put in your 10,000 hours.

Yeah.

Good point.

I will give you this.

Malcolm Gladwell had it right with.

I don't know if I should keep going.

I don't know either.

Honestly,

I have a question from my dad.

Oh, who's your dad?

My dad is Win Weebus.

Win Weebus.

Okay, what is Win Weebus?

Win Weebus wants to know

how is the middle class doing?

Seems to be shrinking.

Wow.

Oh, if not, if it's not completely evaporating.

What is Win Weebus' stake in this?

Why do these animals live with you?

Because we celebrate you.

Oh, no.

Yeah, your mic.

I have another quick second part to my daddy's celebrity.

Okay, what is Wim?

What's the second part?

Is it true that everyone's got a house and that everyone's got housing available?

It was never true.

That's been bad for a while.

I want to say something about your people.

or your animals.

Yeah.

You're so happy because you live with your damn heads in the tree while we're out here in the real world.

No, I mean, of course it's easy.

Everybody goes, oh, everyone's so happy in Finland.

It's because they just sit in cold-ass Finland all the time.

And frankly, it's not a very inclusive country.

All right.

And it sounds like I couldn't live with your people if I had to come in with bad news.

Can we all agree on that?

Yeah.

Why?

What do you mean?

Why couldn't you live with us?

Well, because I'd have to tell you the truth.

And then what?

And then what?

You'd get all sad, and it would make me think about how my life is sad, and I never think about it.

What's going on in your life?

He's just watching poker all day.

Honestly, he'll have a ton of questions about do you have Sling TV in the tree?

If not, he's not going to be on it.

Sling TV.

Yeah, we got Sling TV.

So, why do you only have two movies?

Well, you define.

What do you think Sling TV is?

Oh, we got to it.

I guess it's a service that you hook up to your TV.

No.

No,

it's like a

slingshot.

Titty Varnish.

So you guys slingshot titty varnish all day.

That's what we do.

The hardest part of getting titty varnish on is the close quarters you have to do with it.

So

how's the weather doing?

Is it still...

This is what, let's see, this is what Sweet Goose Goat watched on the home.

Okay, let me.

Is the weather still extremely consistent?

No, there's a lot.

I mean, there have been, just in the past few months, there have been fires here in California.

Yeah, did you see any of those?

No.

No.

No, no.

Yeah.

What's going on?

The weather lost.

is a lot of trees.

Why?

Because of spontaneous fires breaking out due to extreme heat and climate change.

Climate change.

Yeah.

Clima.

That's your takeaway?

Clima?

Clima.

Clima.

Every time.

Climate change.

Clima.

This one's a good one.

Oh, this oldest guy?

No, this is from Grandpa Funrich.

He's the oldest guy in the in the wisel tree.

How old?

Nine thousand nine nine ninety-five.

Wow.

And he wants to know:

did Miramax ever get a Facebook page?

Did the studio

Miramax ever get a Facebook page, right?

Unfortunately, there is a part of that question that is a bit of a bummer.

Yeah, but I mean,

don't tell me Facebook went on down.

No, but it's not nearly as ubiquitous as it once was.

Oh, no.

Miramax does have a Facebook page.

I'm happy to discuss it.

Because those guys make make great movies.

Oh, but it's no longer those guys.

Miramax is no longer.

In fact, you can bring this message back.

Not only is Miramax no longer the Weinstein Brothers, the Weinstein Company is no longer the Weinstein Brothers.

And that's because

various

hijinks, if you can call them that.

I would come back and I'd say, Harvey Weinstein did some hijinks, is what you want me to say.

Sure, I mean, but mainly.

Maybe because I don't want to go.

Scott Ackerman said Harvey Weinstein did hijinks.

Is what you you want me?

Okay, Darren.

Is that truly the only way you can get this information?

Buy one newspaper.

No, no, no.

Also, every single person in your tree is asking pinpoint-specific questions.

Very important things.

But not exactly.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

I just can't stop thinking about this.

LeBron James plays on a team with his son, and instead of it being celebrated, everyone mocks him and how bad his son is at basketball on a public level constantly.

That I kind of like.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Is his son bad?

I mean, he's not good enough to be in his position, but he's not LeBron James.

Well, his name is the same, but he is LeBron James, but he's not LeBron James.

Stumpy Stumpish wants to know

where it is.

Is it true that Hayo Miyazaki is very happy with the state of the world?

These are so specific.

Why?

I don't know what you mean.

We love Totoro.

You love Totoro, yes.

Is that one of your two movies?

Well, Crimson Tide and Chitty Chitty Bang.

So you just, yeah.

We saw the last time I came out.

By the way, I dug a hole in your yard, something awful.

Oh, okay.

I'm so sorry, Scassy.

It's okay.

You're so cute.

You're so cute.

Yeah,

I saw Totoro, and we like it because it has something to do with Critters 2.

And then you looked up the magazine.

You see Critters 2?

I love Critters 2.

I love love critters too critters too is so good critters one yaba doubt double

yaba dabba double

yaba double double means okay critters two really delivered on the promise of critters one that's right came down i have a question for myself okay okay does grogu ever get his own movie

he actually i do believe next year it'll come out so you you know but it's actually he's gonna have to share he shares it with the mandalorian oh that's too bad no one likes the mandalorian part do they but but everybody seems to have gotten on board with Grogu instead of Baby Yoda.

Yeah, which is nice.

Oh, they like

the name Grogu.

Yeah, I think I remember the first six months that we had to say Grogu.

No one liked that.

And no one stands up and says, that sounds like cheese.

Yeah.

Nobody does that.

Nobody does anything.

Nobody does that anymore.

You did take a little peek out of the tree to talk.

Talk about Grogu.

Yeah.

On the way here, buddy.

Oh, you watch.

Wait, you binge-watched The Mandalorian on the way here?

How did you get your.

I drove that.

I guess I tell a little tunnel.

I've heard about Scotchy and CBB.

Yeah, Bitsy Bot.

Oh, okay.

Well, I think we have time for

one more question.

Okay.

How did you guys manage to keep the Nazis dormant?

Well,

how did we manage to keep the Nazis doormen?

How did you make the Nazis open and close the doors for you?

That's what we should do with that.

How did you make the Nazis have awkward conversations when you come inside the building with your guma?

How much do you tip the Nazis at the end of the year?

Especially if they've been taking in packages for your gumar.

Yes.

How many times do you ask the door the Nazis not to look at your wife's rear end?

I just stopped chewing so hard in the hallway.

I can't tabulate numbers that high, so I'm sorry.

Well,

Bitsy Bottom, thank you so much for being here.

I got you, I love you.

I love you too.

I love you.

You're so cute.

Would you mind if I lived with in your

woolly pubes for a month?

Oh, no, I already have someone in my ADU here.

Oh, come on.

Come on, it's so warm in there, I bet.

I'm sure it is, but I.

Come on, be a sport.

Yeah, be a sport.

Come on.

All right, hop on in.

Hop on in here.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God.

I love it down here.

I love it.

I'm glad we attached a love mic.

Yeah.

I always love my pubes just in case something happens during the show.

If there's any litter in there, throw it out.

Jim Reed's a race.

What a bummer.

Well, look, guys, we are, if you can believe it, running out of time on this episode.

We only have time for one final feature, and that is, of course, a little something called plugs.

Oh, very nice.

That was plugs by Arsinio Corridor.

That made me feel like I was in a bad dream.

Yeah.

That felt cursed in some way.

Yeah, exactly.

All right, guys, what do we plug in here?

Jason, do you have anything to plug?

Obviously, Taskmaster Season 19, I believe, is absolutely.

You can watch it on YouTube right now.

Or this Friday.

Or this Friday.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

So, yes, at the end of this week, every episode available on YouTube, Taskmaster UK.

Also, the final season of Big Mouth coming out later this month.

So check it out on Netflix.

All right.

Bing Lujo, what do you want to plug?

Well, I want to plug

a show called Variatopia.

It's on tour right now.

Yeah, this is a good show.

It's a really good show.

It's like a night at the theater.

It's like a night at the theater, but not pretentious.

No, but people should wear tuxedos and tails.

I think people should everywhere.

Is it black tie?

It is not, but it's optional.

Yeah, black tie tie.

Every varietopia, black tie optional.

I think everywhere in the world is black tie optional.

They should be food.

Not the pool.

Will you just start putting on that it's black tie optional and see what happens?

There's got to be someone who shows up.

Absolutely.

There's got to be somebody who shows up.

So how do people get information about this show?

Go to paulftompkins.com slash variatopia.

Wow.

Okay.

And all the dates will be up there, and this is a great show.

All of them.

How many cities?

20.

20 cities.

That's a lot of cities.

It's too many.

And Russ Fuaro, what do you want to do here?

Why don't you go to biggrandewebsite.com to get Big Grande's newest county fair series, 10 mono scenes all at a county fair, and listen to the Man Dog Pod Improv and Conversation Podcast and go to CBB World.

I've noticed these three sites on your internet, Bill, just recurring all the time.

Well, the issue is I can't figure out my danged login for each of them.

Oh, okay.

Then it's like, well, do you want to use passkey on your phone to do the login?

And I'm like, how do I use passkey?

How do I bring the keyboard back just to log back?

It doesn't really respond to questions like that.

It's just like, do you want to do it or not?

Yes, but I have a lot of questions.

You're exhausted.

I've my phone.

Don't get me started.

I mean, I'm going through a divorce.

You're welcome.

So I'm already tired there.

But yes, those websites are incredible.

All right.

And Jim Reese, community activist, what do you want to plug here?

I want to plug a podcast that I like called Screw It.

We're just going to talk about comics.

These two pretty low-energy middle-aged guys named Will and Kevin Hines are going over comics right now.

They're going over some issues of The Incredible Hulk that were written by Peter David and Drod by Todd McFarlane.

Drod.

Drod.

Drod.

And yeah, so check that out.

And also, Scott, I got to take a big shit somewhere.

Do you know?

You just took one right outside the door.

No, and I knew that I'd have another one coming.

Oh, disgusting.

Mitsy Bottom, what do you want to plug?

I want to plug a new movie I just saw called Austin Powers.

And it's got this fabulous line in it.

It's called, Who Does Number Two Work For?

That is good.

I mean, that movie has been out for 30 years at this point.

You've just seen it and you want to champion that line.

It's so funny because what's going on in the movie is there's a number two.

He's like, oh, you know, it works with that.

I don't know what I'll do this guy.

And also they're in the bathroom at the same time.

So it works on like

Don't say multiple levels, just two levels.

Yeah.

It's really good.

It's really good.

Scott, thank you for pointing the microphone at your pube.

So he can

so much Scott C.

I want to plug.

Look, we mentioned CBB World head on over there.

You get great shows like CBB Presents and Scott hasn't seen.

I'll shout out listen.

Just because some folks aren't here anymore, I'll shout out the Hey Randy show on that.

Hey, Randy, yeah, there was a great Heinz I'm Prav to Meet You the other show.

Very funny show.

I don't care for the host, but the other people on it are fantastic.

He's great.

He seems great.

He is garbage.

College Town is

a great book writer named Juju Rowling.

She's a good book.

No, no.

A book about a bull cut magician.

Bull cuts.

That was your takeaway from that.

Bull Cut Magician, written by Juju.

Juju Rowling.

She's classic stuff.

All right.

Everything she says is gold.

Yeah, let's close up the old plug bag.

Open the block bag with me, dude.

Open the block back with me, dude.

Just please don't close it and be rude.

Please don't close it and be rude.

Oh, I'm sorry, this is a dub version.

Get the fuck up.

Hey, Prince Jammy, get out of here.

Ooh, okay.

That was Dub Me Dude by Ross Brackett.

If you have a plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com/slash plugs, and you can be famous for a week.

And Ross Brackett, you're famous.

And guys, I want to thank you so much.

What a way to celebrate the 16th anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

Best friends

and Jim Reese are here.

You're welcome.

And

Bitsy Pop.

I haven't seen it in 13 years, I guess.

Well, you don't have to go just yet, do you, Bitsy Pop?

I don't know if they already stay here.

Now that you're out, why don't you stay out for a while?

Really?

Yeah, see the world.

It's gotten great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, things have changed in the last 13 years.

What's going on?

Is Bush Garden still hot?

A hot place to go?

Like, the weather there is hot.

Yeah.

People still putting Ziti on pizza.

Is that a huge, major thing?

I wish you were here for Castor Pasta.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

All right, guys.

Thanks so much.

We'll see you over the next 16 years.

We'll see you next time.

Thanks.

Bye.

What is Ah and then some?

It's

and then it's

It's all sorts of awesome.

It's awe and then some.

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