Bonus Bang: Dan Lippert, Stars, Paul F. Tompkins, Lily Sullivan, Tim Baltz, Ego Nwodim, Shaun Diston, Will Hines (The 13th Anniversary Show!)

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Hey everyone, Scott Auckerman here, and welcome to another bonus bang.

Bonus bangs being, of course, episodes of Comedy Bang Bang that we have previously recorded that we are releasing out from behind the paywall.

And today is a very special day if you're listening to this on the day it's released, because today is actually

the anniversary of our very first episode.

That's right, May 1st, 16 years ago today.

So for this series of bonus bangs, we've been re-releasing special anniversary episodes.

And today is no exception.

In honor of CBB's Sweet 16th, we're re-releasing a great anniversary episode, number 755, the 13th anniversary show.

It originally aired on May 1st, 2022.

That's right, three years ago from today.

This is a lot of numbers, I realize.

It stars Dan Lippert as Bill Walton, Paul F.

Tompkins as Big Chunky Bubbles, Lily Sullivan as Francesca Bolognese, Tim Baltz as Richie Castlebaum, Ego Wodem as Pastor Pasta, Sean Diston as Gary the Gardner, Will Hines as Keith Stanley, and musical guest stars.

This is an incredibly packed episode.

Fan favorites and newcomers alike drop by to share insights from their respective fields.

That includes the visual artist Big Chunky Bubbles, social media expert Francesca Bolognese, and punk rocker Keith Stanley, plus stars, the great band from Canada, are there providing us with songs.

This is a great episode.

Now, for more Comedy Bang Bang, consider becoming a subscriber at cbbworld.com, where we keep the vault of every single episode from the show's history, including all of the live episodes.

Plus, you get great shows like Hey Randy with Randy Snuts and This Book Changed My Life and Scott Hasn't Seen.

We're going to have a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang out on Monday.

That's going to be our very special 16th anniversary episode.

Until then, enjoy this bonus bang.

Comedy bang bang.

Nothing steams my beans more than dad's ass in dim dim jeans.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Thank you to Jonathan Chungus for that casual submission, Jonathan Chungus.

And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week, a very special week.

This is the 13th anniversary episode.

Yes, we have been going at least once a week for 13 years now.

And

something else to celebrate.

We are back in the studio.

We're back in the Airwolf studios.

We have four walls around us, as well as a ceiling.

And the most important one of these surfaces, this floor, so we don't fall straight to the center of the earth.

Welcome to the show.

We have a great one.

A lot of great people are going to be on the show.

My name is Scott Ackerman, of course.

We have some incredible guests on the show.

Coming up a little later, we have a social media expert who gives tips.

We have a punk rocker.

We have a visual artist of sorts in a way.

And we also, you know, it wouldn't be an anniversary episode if we didn't have a special musical guest,

as Don Vardo said on Saturday Night Live.

Please welcome Torqual and Amy from Starz, the entire band stars.

Hi, guys.

Hello, world.

Hello, America.

Hello, people who like funny things.

All the ships at sea.

Yes.

So good to have you guys back on.

It's a great pleasure, sir.

The new record is called From Capleton Hill.

Is that how you pronounce it?

Correct.

That's how you do it.

What is Capleton Hill?

It's just like it's a place I've gone every summer of my life.

My mother went every summer.

It doesn't change.

It never changes.

Like nothing ever, they can't ever build there because there's so many crazy building laws and all the shops are the same and it never grows and it just never changes.

And like everything changes.

Everything is so annoyingly changing constantly,

more often than not for the worse.

And this, so from Capleton Hill is just the idea of like, there's a place that doesn't change, and it's in your head.

Well, that's fantastic.

You have this great new album.

You're going to be doing songs

from the new record here for us.

Very special treat for our anniversary episode.

We are.

We're so excited to play here.

Is this the anniversary in the sense it's the first time you did a show was on this date 14 years ago?

13 years.

Well, we're starting our 14th year, so this is our 13th anniversary.

Yes.

Wow.

So, yeah.

Congratulations.

That's amazing.

Thank you so much.

Yeah.

I mean, you guys have been together long.

I mean, 22 years.

Yes, obviously.

Yeah, 22 years.

Exactly.

It's much better.

Well,

it's not a competition.

I think it is.

I think it is.

Oh, if you win, it's a competition?

Okay, I got it.

Correct.

But you guys are going to be here the entire show doing songs for us, and we'll check back with you a little bit later.

But first, let me introduce, he's been on the show now for a few years.

He is a basketball legend.

He is a fellow broadcaster, which is why I want him coming in here in A-Block in the co-host slot.

Please welcome back to the show Bill Walton.

Hello, Bill.

Oh,

yeah!

13 and feeling me, Scottie.

Turn down your phones, everyone.

Turn down your phones.

Wow.

How are you, Bill?

Oh, what a fantastic day.

What a fantastic 13th year.

I cannot wait.

I have already mangled my microphone stand.

You spoke so loud the microphone stand broke.

Is that what happened?

In old cartoons, when people sang opera, glasses would shatter.

When I speak, microphone stands go slightly awry.

This is one of the great anniversaries, is it not?

One of the best anniversaries!

He just set you up here.

One of the best we've ever seen from

the

silver anniversary, which is one of my favorites.

Let's see that to the.

I I know we all need to help out.

We all need to chip in the anniversary party.

Oh, yes, one of the great slow-played

marvels of theater.

The fantastic.

Written by, I believe, the fantastic.

Let me pull this name out real quick.

He did betrayal.

He's not a house painter, but you take off a letter and he's.

House painter.

Oh, I'm sorry, no, in the painter word.

Oh, yes, Harold Paint, one of the great!

And we take a quick beat, as the jokes would do if you're in the theater school.

Harold Painter.

Pause.

One of the great painters.

Yes, one of the great painters, but he did not paint houses.

He painted emotional trauma onto stage, as played by some of the fantastics.

Not Joel Gray, of course.

One of the great grays!

from 50 Shades of to 50 Shades of to

Zanatomi.

Did she play Michi?

Zanatomi is Michi.

Bill, it's so good to see you.

It's great having you here.

What have you been up to, Kenny?

Happy to be here.

Well, we just exited March Madness.

The commercials were on one this year.

I was loving the commercials.

And we're into the NBA playoffs, and they didn't make any new ones.

So we're stuck with the old all-stated ATT commercials that we've been watching on and on for days.

Are you broadcasting?

Are you announcing any of the games?

They won't have me in the national games.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Just the regionals.

Just the regionals, and it's I accept it as the fate of a man who challenges social norms on Mike.

Right, yeah.

I mean, are you out there wearing the tie-dye shirts and the oh, yeah, I'll wear tie-dye, I'll wear my bikini, I'll make a bikini,

I'll wear my bikini.

Because you got to show everybody that this is a fun thing.

We do basketball.

Basketball is fun.

The game is fun.

Exactly.

The game is fun.

It is meant to be joyful.

It's just a few boys throwing a little round thing into a bigger round thing.

But as we've discussed earlier, the most orange ball

in sports.

Scott, did you see March Madness this year?

I missed all of March Madness.

I didn't see it.

You had the March Madness of your own, did you not?

So, Demon COVID?

Yes, you had the March Madness that now goes year-round for everyone.

But

they made the ball oranger this year.

I saw that.

Some people sent that to me.

I was so excited.

I thought there was,

the first thing I did is I called the ESPN or the TNT color correct guy, and I said, you bumped the oranges too much, bro.

And he said, I don't do color correct on live games.

I said, am I a mistake?

What if there was a five-second delay so the person could constantly decolor correct it?

A fantastic suggestion, because if you watch something, if you go from the bright, beautiful courts of the Charlotte Hornets and then you switch your TV over to the Brooklyn Nets, you feel like you went into a sepia game and you need a little color correct to not confuse your little peepers.

Can it get even more orange is the question, because they've pumped it up almost as far as they can go, as they say in Oklahoma.

To me, that's a Hadron Collider situation.

Yes.

Where do we want to touch touch the untouchable?

Do we want the ball to get so orange that we could, the earth could be sucked unto itself inside of a Wilson basketball?

That's a good, good point.

Wilson!

Weird that that...

It was a volleyball, but named Wilson.

Oh, wait, but

they make volleyballs.

Is that what it was?

After the movie, they had to start.

It's like, oh, man, we're leaving money on the table.

Well, Bill, it's so great to have you.

You're going to be my co-host.

Is that all right?

I roll my one, two, three, Scott Ox and Bill Walton.

So now, Bill, are you ready to bring on our first guest?

I would be happy to do it.

Okay, well,

he is a visual artist, and

he works within the medium of bubbles.

Wow.

If it's Kirby, I'm going to lose my damn shit.

Kirby, meaning your enthusiasm?

Oh, Kirby, your enthusiasm.

I can't even say it the right way.

The wrong way.

No, Kirby, the little pink fat guy who

you might select him in Super Smash Bros.

Oh, yes.

You know,

it's not that it's not Kirby.

No, I'm so sorry.

And I apologize to the listeners as well.

It's actually Big Chunky Bubbles.

What a typical introduction from you.

Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

Lucky 13.

Many hamburgers to you, of course.

Many hamburgers to you.

Big Chunky Bubbles.

Big Chunky Bubbles.

That's my name.

I feel like I haven't spoken to you since perhaps a live episode three years ago before the pandemic.

I don't keep track of when I talk to you.

Surprise, surprise.

Who do you keep track of that you talk to?

Well, my wife, my kids.

Give me the stats on your wife's chats.

Well, you know she's passed.

Oh, oh, that's right.

What happened?

But I still talk to her.

Oh, I see.

Do you make a trip out to the graveyard or do you just do it around the house?

Oh, fuck.

Which answer would you like to make fun of more?

Mr.

Sensitive.

I just find it interesting that most people, you know, they think that if they're not in the graveyard's, you know, like 10 feet radius of the actual...

How do you 10 feet?

What do you...

Six feet.

Six feet.

Sorry.

Who's standing six feet away from the grave to talk to it?

I mean, meaning they're six feet down.

Six feet under, my dear boy.

Yeah, I get that.

One of the great

series finales of all time, wouldn't you say, Scott?

Sure.

Six feet under.

Ryo, from the end of lost, which we all loved, to the beginning of lost, which was a finale to my free time on Tuesday nights.

So big junkie bubbles, how is your pandemic?

We haven't spoken since before.

How is my pandemic?

Yes.

What do you want me to ask?

Have you gotten less good at interacting with people since quarantine?

You're trying to say that, of course, it was bad, and so why am I even?

Of course it was.

Well, that's not strictly true.

It was actually pretty good for me.

So that needs a good question.

Chat up.

Why was it good for you, Big Chunky Bunny?

Because I was...

You don't have to say my whole stage name every time.

All right, I'm sorry, Pete.

You can call me Petey.

That's my name.

Oh, yeah, Petey Amine.

PD Amine.

PD,

first of all, before we go into how your pandemic was, which I hear is pretty good,

for new listeners, you are a...

There can't be new listeners to this show.

No, we're just shedding listeners like the virus.

Like the uterine lining.

You are a...

You are a person.

Why is that the first thing I think of when I hear the word shedding?

I don't have a period.

Why should I be thinking that?

Why is that rattling around in your nuts?

I don't like it.

Oh, big junkie.

Everyone should be sympathetic to the shedding of the uterine lining.

Yeah.

It affects at least half of the world's population.

Well, it affects the other half of when you can have sex or not.

And a little lesson about Scotty Boy, not for Bill Walton.

I'm in there.

Day, night, shed or not.

It's not about sympathy.

It's just I don't want to think about it all the time.

all the time well when i hear the word shedding times are people saying shedding i don't know a lot i know a lot of people who have snakes okay that's another thing that i want to talk to you about at some point but not today sure but uh you are an artist you perform at children's parties or i'm a children's entertainer and you uh what what distinction were you gonna make i can't remember if you've performed at adult parties either but you you simply do children parties i'm primarily a children's entertainer and you uh uh you entertain them by making giant bubbles.

They're big, chunky bubbles.

That's right, but that I make out of soups and stews.

Instead of soaps.

Instead of soaps.

And maybe there's a stews parallel as well.

Instead of soaps and

stews, I don't know.

You really don't.

You're making soups and stews.

Yes, I'm making soups and stews.

Then I make bubbles from those soups and stews.

They are bigger and chunkier than any other bubble.

That's right.

And it doesn't go well.

I know it is.

It doesn't go go well.

You've scalded how many people.

Hey!

How many children have you scalded?

I have never, well.

With your piping hot soups.

I have hardly ever scalded anyone because I issue warnings at the top of the performance for people to stay back.

Also, I know what I'm doing.

It's my trade.

Right, yeah.

So, how many, how many people, how many five?

That's not bad for a whole career.

At one party or at five different parties?

At five different, at three different parties.

Three different parties.

So two at two of those parties.

You want me to give you the breakdown?

Yes, please.

Well, it would have to be two.

Two at one party.

Okay.

Two at another party.

Yeah.

One at the final party.

Yeah, what I said.

Yeah, exactly.

At the final party?

Congrats.

Did you say the final party?

Are you not doing this?

The final party where somebody got scalded.

I am still in business.

You are.

Yes.

So tell me about the pandemic.

What happened?

Why was it so great for you?

Well, at the wet markets in Wuhan.

oh dear

oh no

oh boy

wait how much do you know uh zero uh i mean i i know that the pandemic uh they say it started there well the thing about wet markets is there's a lot of bubbles and bubbles pop I didn't think about that.

No one ever does.

So you were there?

No.

No.

What?

What happened?

What do you mean?

Do you not know anything about the pandemic?

I was thinking that you were saying you were the person who brought it over here to the States.

Why would I?

Hey, let's say I was.

Why would I tell anyone?

So what are you trying to say?

I thought you were just completely ignorant of what happened.

You were going all the way down.

Yes.

God damn it, I hate you.

I hate you too.

Why did you come here?

Do you know what makes things hard for me?

Because I'm trying to promote my business.

Always, always be promoting

All right.

I figure maybe other people will be checking back in.

They haven't listened in a while.

They're like, did it get any better?

So why was it good for you?

Because of Zoom.

I was doing so many Zoom shows.

It's so much easier because I don't have to go to somebody's house and set up my terrines and pots, and I can just do it in my own home.

That's right.

And there is no fear of injury when it's over Zoom other than to yourself.

Yes.

and as you know, my arms are severely burned.

Yes.

What are you wearing over them today, by the way?

You usually

didn't you have those

long fingerless gloves as well?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Do they make those fingerless, those long, like sexy gloves in fingerless?

Like opera gloves?

No, I'm thinking of like when

you're a dancer, sometimes they would take leg warmers and put them around their arms.

why would i do that because you're an entertainer that was almost urkel

why would i do that

how many things are almost urkel in the world how many things are almost urkel more than you think yeah stefan is one

Steffi Graff, almost Stefan, almost Urkel.

Yeah, just two steps removed.

So you were doing Zooms, and were you getting a lot of them?

I mean, it's.

Yes, people were bored out of their minds.

Right, yeah.

And word got around.

I briefly went viral in Turkey.

Wow.

I have a lot of Turkish fans.

Okay, so you did a lot of work over the pandemic.

This is great.

But now that it's, I mean, I don't want to say it's winding down necessarily, but we were back in the studio and people aren't doing, I know that people aren't doing as many Zooms as they did that first couple of months.

Are you still, are you getting out there and doing them in person?

I am doing some in-person shows.

Of course, with the distance that I require, it makes it a little more,

makes the show less fun because people are so far away, they can't really get the full range of the bubble that I'm making.

Yeah, how far away do people need to be?

60 feet.

60 feet away.

That seems,

yeah.

That was the recommendation.

60 feet.

So, yeah, I mean, other than if you were to supply every partygoer with an iPad and you were live streaming it from your own camera or something like that, I...

Why wouldn't I just give them binoculars?

That's cheaper.

Maybe you have a bunch of iPads lying around, but I don't.

I actually do.

That's my other joke.

Well, that's fantastic.

I'm not one of these out-of-touch entertainers.

Right, yeah, I know

what milk costs.

How much does it cost?

$10?

For how much?

For a lot.

I have to buy a lot of milk to make some of my stews and chowders.

That's right.

And you're making them from scratch.

You're not just buying them out of the can.

I make them all from scratch.

And look, you're not supposed to eat them, the ones that I make.

Right, because they're more viscous or they're designed for showbiz.

They're not designed for taste or nutrition.

Right.

And are these your own recipes or are these passed down to you?

Some are mine, some are my grandmother's.

Really?

Who is Grandmother Bubbles?

Or Grandmother Amin.

Grandma Mamma Amine.

Grandma Mama Amine.

Yes, that's what we would call her.

Oh.

My other grandma was named Mrs.

Doubtfire.

Really?

No relation.

To who?

To the movie.

Oh, wow.

Based on a book?

Did you know that?

By Sapphire?

Mrs.

Doubtfire, based on the novel.

Based on a novel

by Sapphire.

I found out that was based on a book, and it blew my mind.

Crazy.

What was the book?

Yeah.

I hope that Robin Williams still did five minutes of impressions of cartoons at the top.

Yes, where they've already animated the entire cartoon, and then he has to come in and do the voice.

And they say, stop improvising.

We've already done the cartoon.

And he still doesn't get it, even though it's his job.

So, congratulations.

I mean, the fact that you went viral with these non-edible soups.

Is that ever a problem where someone eats a soup after a bubble pops?

And you're like, no, no, no, you're not supposed to.

After a bubble pops, and you think they're gasping at the air like a fish on the land?

I can only imagine that the droplets fly out, much like the COVID droplets fly

in our shed.

Well, thankfully, I've stopped using bat in all my recipes.

Oh, yes.

Okay, yeah, there was a period.

For Halloween, I wouldn't make a bat chowder.

Well, big chunky bubbles, it's a pleasure to have.

You're already winding down.

Why, do you?

What else do you have?

What else do i have

we went through so many detours thanks to you talking about my grandmothers let's get to what you want to get to that's what i'm i want to let people know i've started doing shows for grown-ups what

yeah

this is

this is unprecedented you've never done this that's right bill if you come to one of my shows i'll make sure to stack up eight regular chairs for you to sit on oh baby baby i gotta say edible or not those soups are going in my mouth the second the morning no No, no, yes, sir.

Try and stop me.

Well, I've started making new bubbles that

new shapes of bubbles?

New shapes.

Oh, okay.

That are only suitable for adult audience.

Oh,

these are a little salty.

Well, they're definitely salty.

I mean, your soups are.

I don't know why I still season them.

I don't need to since they're not edible.

But what shapes are these?

The mind's reels when I think about it?

Well, I mean, you can imagine some of them, right?

Like giant balls?

Yes.

I mean, most bubbles look like giant testicles.

But when you put

two together.

But the secret is you can't have them interlock because that's just two bubbles that are interlocking.

Right.

You have to make it have the two bubbles have the same relationship to each other that human testicles would.

Right.

Okay.

Do you ever do just one ball and you're like, this is Hitler?

And you get a big laugh.

Why would I ever introduce Hitler into the show?

Because you're a weirdo, BCB.

I'm a weirdo?

I haven't mentioned Hitler to you once.

Seems a little weird, like you're a denier or something.

A denier.

Of what?

Of Hitler?

Hitler never existed.

No, of the Holocaust.

There's no such guy.

He's like Jeepers Creepers or whatever.

Well, that's incredible.

And how have they been going over?

I mean,

is the purpose of this to titillate and to make people, I don't know how else to say it, but horny while they are watching your show?

I mean, that's not the purpose.

To me, it's no different from a great painting of the human form.

It's not supposed to make you what you said.

It's supposed to make you appreciate art.

But unfortunately, that is not the case, and it makes people very around.

Really?

This is like an aphrodisiac, though.

I mean I guess in the way that pornography is.

Yeah.

Pornography is maybe the best aphrodisiac.

It's number one with a bullet.

Well this look I don't I'm not telling you how to market things but I think you're going to think you could sell this to

people who want to start an orgy, people in the lifestyle, people who want to do a sex party, you know?

What do you mean sell it to them like a kit?

No, no, meaning you go perform this to them and then that gets gets them in the mood and then everyone just starts taking right now i know you think you have an idea of what an orgy is and who's going to be there i have a vague one yeah but let me tell you something in reality you don't want to go to one of those things really yeah big chunky buttholes

thank you bill i appreciate that

Are there non-butthole orgies where you're like, okay, everyone just cover your butt?

What do you mean?

We don't want to see it.

Are you talking like the cat's cut?

Yeah, exactly.

Not on butthole orgies.

Like, everyone just put a patch over those.

Like a sign at the door?

Yeah, exactly.

Or

Quincy Jones.

Remember?

Damn.

Regos at the door.

Damn your egos at the door.

Do you think anyone did?

I don't know.

I mean, it seemed like everyone had a good time.

We're talking about the We Are the World video, by the way.

Oh, yeah.

One of the great bring-togethers of all the big celebs.

From live aid

to a butthole-less party.

So, what has happened at these parties?

People just get too turned on and an orgy breaks out?

Is that what you're saying?

Not an orgy breaks out, but certainly people start to nick.

I don't think that's the worst thing in the world at an adult party.

It is when you're trying to perform a show and nobody's paying attention.

I guess that's what I also disagree.

I think people necking around me is worse than if they just started fucking.

Like, what's going on?

There is something that's gross about people really kissing each other.

You're just standing there and they're going at it.

Yeah, kissing like you kiss in the first three months of your relationship and then you never do again.

Never again.

Although my wife and I, we kissed passionately for the entirety of our life together.

I'm so sorry.

How did she pass away again?

I don't remember.

I sort of remember

my fault.

I think it was a stew.

It was a stew-related

death.

It means you've properly grieved.

If you can forget how your loved one died, it means it's not.

One day you'll realize you've just forgotten how she died.

Shut up.

Of course, I still know those miserable children we've made together.

How old are they?

Robbie, Bobby, and Tag.

Oh, right.

Tag.

Tag was the youngest.

Is that right?

Yeah, he was an accident.

Oh, right.

Sorry, a surprise.

And how old are they now?

Because I haven't seen you in three years, I think.

They're three years older than before.

Okay, great.

Congratulations to you.

Thanks.

Have any gone to college or anything like that?

None.

Are they of age, though?

No.

Oh, okay.

So there's.

I'm not going to tell you their age.

I know you.

What do you think I'm going to do with that?

You're going to make fun of their ages.

I'll never tell.

Who are you?

Brittany Murphy?

I'll never tell.

I remember that.

That's the only thing I remember from that movie.

I don't think I saw it.

Scott hasn't seen it.

Oh, I saw it.

Oh, you did, really?

I couldn't even tell you the name of it.

I feel like it's an O word.

I don't know.

It's not Gothica, but it looked like Gothica.

It was was around

that font.

Oh, yeah, Gothica.

Halliburry.

Yeah, with a beautiful cover of Behind Blue Eyes from Fred Durst and Company.

Oh,

you're a Durst fan?

Are you kidding me?

One of the great friends of all time, from Scooby's best friend to E-Mercury.

Was that his name, Fred E.

Mercury?

I've been saying it wrong this whole time.

Yes, he was Alfred E.

Newman's brother.

Oh, really?

He's also one of the great dursts of all time, from the San Francisco comedian Will to murderer Robert.

Yes!

One kills on stage and the other kills anyone who found out that they killed before.

And one kills someone's hopes of getting the million dollar prize on who wants to be a millionaire.

Oh, was that that was Will Durst.

Okay.

He gave the wrong answer

as a phono friend.

Well, Robert Durst used to go to those and always do the wrong answer and ask the audience.

He was such a fucker.

Yeah.

That's the worst thing he ever did, right?

Ask them all of course

well uh petey now i'm winding down is that all right yeah sure all right we have some other guests listen i want everyone to know i'm doing these shows at uh american legion halls across the country only american legion halls only at american legion halls is that a uh a budgetary issue or are you just what are you trying to say uh nothing sir

did you work i like this is this how you would prefer to be talked to i don't hate it

well don't get used to it.

I did immediately.

Yeah.

We have to get some other guests.

Can you, I hate to say this, but can you stick around?

I have to.

You have to?

For what reason?

I called a ride share service and they won't be here for another two hours.

Oh, no.

Which one is this?

It's...

You've heard of Uber Pool.

Sure, yeah.

This is Uber Bus.

Oh, God.

They're picking up a lot of people.

They're picking up a lot of people.

And you're at the tail end.

It's better than being at the front end, right?

I like riding on the bus.

I'm talking about a human centipede.

Well, you certainly changed it up in a hurry.

Excuse me.

If we weren't talking about that before.

Anyway, I'm sorry I'm so weird and not bringing up Hitler and human centipedes.

All right, well, let's get to our next guest.

Good.

I talked about her at the top of the show.

She's a social media expert.

She's here to give us some tips.

Please welcome back to the show Francesca Bolognese.

Hello, Scott.

Hey, Francesco.

Happy to be here.

Oh, my God.

So great to have you.

Just kidding.

I got your stupid email.

You wanted me to come begging me.

Oh, please, please come on the podcast.

It's a big important anniversary.

We need a woman.

I'm now really regretting having two specific people up at the top of the show.

I think she's dynamite.

And I have to say, it's been a very typical podcast so far.

You talk about RG Universal.

When white men get together,

that's when body starts laughing

from doing the wild thing.

What are you doing?

Tone Luke's wild thing.

Tone Luke.

Tone Luke.

One of the grandest tones.

Oh, yes.

From Polly Walnut's friend to

Tom Hanks Production Company play.

Oh, yes, very good.

Thank you.

Francesca, it's so good to see you.

You're a social media expert.

You give tips to people on how to.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

How many times am I to tell you I'm not an expert and I don't give a tip?

Oh, I guess one more because

I thought that was what your whole thing was.

You go around giving tips to people.

No tip.

No tip.

I guess I am an expert, sort of, because I work in social media or I did for a long time.

And now I specifically work for for Bedbetten Beyond the corporation.

Oh, in corporate.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

So if you remember the other time I was on, I tell you that I work a different job for Bedbetten Beyond.

Yeah, slightly, yeah.

Do you totally remember?

I semi-zone out every time you talk, I have to admit.

That is so nice.

Oh, my God.

He admitted.

He did.

Thank you, Tim.

Now, a lot of people are just the tip.

You're the opposite.

Not to bring it back to be.

Oh, my God.

We're going to talk about dick dick the whole time.

Yeah, we're gonna talk about dicks.

Yeah, let's talk about how small all your dick is.

Your dick is

okay, she pulled my pants right down.

Your dick is pretty small.

Oh, yeah, and it's podcast dick.

It gets smaller when you're potting.

Everyone knows that.

We're talking about penises on the show because it's the 13th anniversary.

And if you take a 13 and you tilt it 90 degrees to the left, it looks like a penis head.

I guess.

Okay, okay.

So, yeah, so you can see how going to be able to do it.

Why do we wait to draw a 13 and tilt their decks?

I guess.

You know, I was prepared to talk about dick, so it's fine.

Oh, okay, good.

So, how is Bed Bath and Beyond Corporate working out for you?

I mean, that's such a great step up for you, isn't it?

Well, so, you know, they basically have me in different things.

So, last time I worked at a high school for Bed Bath and Beyond.

Oh, right.

I work for other comp other in other facets for Bed Bath and Beyond.

Most recently, though, they give me the motion, and now I work in the store.

no

in the store it's in the brick and mortar

I work in the store no this is the worst it's the worst job I could ever imagine for myself what did you do to get the demotion well they say that I was too mean to people oh that can't be online and at the high school

and in the other job I had that I don't remember right I was not very nice

so they say okay they demote demote demote demote and then i end up at the the store no

so this is terrible i mean i i don't know that that's a uh the right move on bed bath and beyond's part to you treat people so poorly they're gonna put you out there in customer service so is that what you're doing you're front of house i am front of house

i show people where the the towels are is that the number one thing people want to know is that they could they walk in and go where are the towels like i don't want i don't don't want to go through your whole maze of this bed, bath, and beyond.

Just point me right to the towels.

I'm sopping wet.

Yes, they go, I am so wet.

I went to the beach.

Where is the towels?

I go, look at the stupid fucking little signs.

IO 6 says towels, you stupid fucking bitch.

Oh, my God.

Why do you know?

Fall down a cave and die alone at the bottom of the cave.

Oh, man.

That would be a horrible death.

What about where they shot Click?

Does anyone want to know where they shot the scenes from the movie Click, where he gets, he goes into the Beyond section and sees Christopher walk in?

I never see the movie.

Must be because you're foreign, because Click is huge here.

Yeah, they don't show that in your training at all?

The entirety of the movie, Click?

No, for the training, they basically have us go just stand in

the stock room for 15, 25 hours.

Oh, really?

Stand up straight.

They want to know how long the shift you can work.

Oh, okay.

This is a standard practice for American corporations.

Right.

Where did you tap out?

At what hour?

I made it a two-hour shift.

Two hours, really?

So you can only do two-hour shifts?

Yeah, I only do two-hour shifts.

And then I take a nap in one of the dog beds.

Oh, okay, right there in front of it where the customers can see you.

Does that count as the bed part or the beyond part?

That is a beyond part.

That's beyond.

That's no shit.

Bill, you're right.

Well, the dog bed is beyond.

I mean, bed's in the name.

Oh, shit.

I'm shocked.

If a dog walked in there, do you think the dog would go to the bed part looking for a dog man?

I don't know what the...

If a stupid fucking dog come in, I don't know where the little doggie walked to, but

I would say it's not going to be much smarter than another human coming in and walking around.

So I would probably just aimlessly wander around for two a half hour.

Yeah, I guess that's true.

Yeah.

So what else is in the Beyond part?

I've never realized, because I go in there and I can see the towels, I can see the bedding, I can see everything that goes in the bathroom, but then like I'm just confused as to what the beyond is.

It's a lot of all different type of thing.

We have a purses.

Pencil sharpeners?

Pencil sharpener.

We have eraser too.

That's new.

Erasers are new for a bed, Bath, and Beyond.

Yes, it's a brand new.

Very exciting stuff.

Are they like general erasers or is it like SodaStream or Keurig is making erasers now?

Yes, it's a lot of of different companies getting into different things.

Getting into the eraser game.

So like a big pen?

Who do they think they are?

David Lynch?

Or Arnold Schwarzenegger and Vanessa Williams?

It's big pen make a bra.

Oh, because of eraser hand.

I got it.

I wish I could click my butt way back about 30 seconds.

What did you just say?

I said a big pen.

Big pen makes bras?

Big pen makes bra.

Because if you remember, big pen make a pen for her.

You remember?

Oh, yes.

And what was the difference?

It was slightly thinner.

Is that what it was?

Yes, it was a very skinny.

And what

weak?

Very weak pen.

Very pink.

To imply that, you know, like, hey, I'm not going to be writing anything important with this.

Exactly.

Right.

Just be writing Aaron's short little thing on a post-it.

Note on your husband's lunch bag.

Yeah, grocery, grocery list.

People who think women write.

Right, right.

So now they started making bras.

Yeah, they make a bra for her for her

Wow, I know it's crazy

You are freaking out Francesca well This is the main thing though now that I work at the store I make not a lot of money and the manager is a fucking asshole make me do make me be nice to people for first time in my life.

I have to be polite or else what?

Or else I don't know but better beyond the demote me again.

Yeah, to I mean, what's even lower than the store?

I mean, like.

Bathroom.

Oh, God, that would be horrible.

Just the worst.

Cleaning toilets?

No, just hang out in the bathroom.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That would be the worst.

Make sure that everybody going properly.

Which location?

Which location are you at?

Hold on.

Some people use the bathroom and then you watch them?

I just hang out in a public restroom at the corporation, make sure everybody's bow movements going pleasantly.

How do you do this?

Is it like a check-in?

I I never do this, by the way.

Oh, okay.

I have not been demoted to this, but this I hear.

And when you were working there, I'm sure there were people there who.

Oh, yeah.

When I go to the bedroom, everyone would say, Everything okay?

Oh, my God.

Are you sure this is a paid position or just other employees asking if your particular shits are going well?

I don't know, but I think it is a paid position.

Do you make weird noises when you?

Yeah, I go, Ah!

Yeah.

Well, most people do it silently.

Like, it doesn't, it doesn't cause you to.

Silently.

You're just a silent.

Perfect silent.

I bet you're quiet when you have sex, too.

I bet you're fucking silent.

You don't have to be when you have sex, but when you're shitting, it is a little weird to be like, ah!

Okay, well.

Well, I'm which location are you at?

Can you say?

Yes, I am at a Betadomi Yonga in Hollywood.

Oh, wow.

You're really freaking out.

The one on Vine?

Yes.

Every detail is frightening to you.

Wow.

What's the worst customer interaction you've had?

Well, I think because I had to be nice to this one girl, her name was Jenny.

And she came in, she said,

hello, my name is Jenny.

I'm looking for air purifier.

I say, well, okay, Jenny, why you not go to the aisle with the air purifier?

Sia has been very nice.

Yeah, okay.

I say

why you not walk to aisle five where you find the air purifier.

She walk over, she can't find it.

Still, she says, excuse me, excuse me, where is the air purifier?

I cannot find it.

And then I say, listen to me, little stupid little bitch.

Why you not drown yourself in a blender?

No, chop up your head.

Oh, no.

First drowning and then having your head chopped off.

Yes.

Wow, that's a terrible thing.

Make a smoothie out of your hat.

Oh, God.

Francesca.

Yes, though.

Have you seen the HBO series, My Brilliant Friend?

No.

You remind me of this one character, Leela.

She's so mean.

Oh, my gosh, thank you.

But it's unclear whether or not she is the brilliant friend or her friend Lanou is the brilliant friend of her.

You have a lot of free time to watch.

This HBO show.

Why is that the indication?

People watch TV shows.

Still,

like an entire season of one?

Are you saying because it's in another language and that's impossible for you to imagine?

No, I didn't realize it was another language because I haven't had time to watch it.

Have you watched Old Enough?

I've one episode.

Best show of all time.

It doesn't seem like a show that you would enjoy for a Jessica, I have to say.

I like to watch a little kid.

Yeah.

Because it's before they become super stupid.

Right.

Right on the cusp.

And they're about as tall as you, because aren't you four.

Yes, I'm one foot.

Oh, that's right.

Yeah, I forgot.

Well, Francesca, thank you for being here.

It's great to have you.

I'm so sorry that you've been demoted.

It sounds like your life has been going horribly.

The stores are back open, so you have a lot of time to be talking to these people that you detest so much.

Yes.

Well, I'm happy to be here to help you out with your podcast.

It's okay.

We needed a woman, so I appreciate it.

You're welcome.

Well, can can you stick around?

We have another guest we have to get to.

Yes, I guess.

Okay, well, he is.

I don't know.

And, you know, this is.

Why do you ask people if they can stick around?

Because a lot of times people think that they, whenever the interview is done, they just get up and they just turn around.

Why don't you tell them beforehand?

Take care of that housekeeping.

Make your own fucking podcast.

Maybe I will.

Oh, God.

I'd love to see the numbers on that.

Anyone can stand to listen to your voice for more than five seconds.

Hey.

Hey,

that went a little far.

Oh, really?

Yeah, that's more personal than we ever get.

Sorry.

Sorry, Petey.

I can't control the way I sound.

I'm sorry, Petey.

I don't mean to come at you about things you can do.

Sorry, too.

You can control your weight, though.

You're super fat.

I used to be really thin.

Remember that?

I was shredded.

Oh, yeah.

That was part of me.

But now, apparently, I'm this.

We have to get to our next guest.

And a lot of times on these anniversary shows,

we have returning favorites, but I don't know anything about this person.

I just have a name.

He's just walked in.

Please welcome Richie Castlebaum.

Thanks.

Thanks for having me.

I bet you know a lot about my dad because he's put so many excellent legendary characters into the CBB canon.

Oh,

Rick Castlebaum,

one of the legends of Comedy Bang Bang early days.

Oh, Rick.

Wait, you're Rick Castlebaum's son?

I'm his son.

Whoa, okay.

I guess you could call me a legacy character

He couldn't be here today, so I'm I'm here in his place to talk about some of his legendary characters Yeah, what happened to him?

I mean he was on so many times in the early years and then

just stopped booking him what happened?

No, you just got he got so big on his own that he just he went off, you know right and then he came groveling back and you said fuck off I haven't heard from you in a couple years I sort of remember that yeah you got too big and then something happened to his career and he had more Yeah, it was one of the early Snapchat viral videos.

Someone filmed you from across the street being, fuck off.

You think you're too good for me?

Right.

Fuck off, Rick.

I sort of remember that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But hey, it's great to have you on the show.

I mean, hey, it's great to be here with such legends of the game.

Are you a comedian as well?

No, absolutely not.

I did get a development deal from Warner Brothers through my dad, but no, I'm not a comedian at all.

Right.

What was that?

A first look deal?

A blind deal?

Blind script?

What was it?

Both.

A first look and a blind script.

First script deal?

How?

It's called First Look.

It's about blind people.

It's capitalizing on Coda.

It's the Coda.

Oh.

It's the Coda wave right now.

Right, yeah.

So it feels like they were like, this sounds like Oscar Bate.

You're on.

Right.

You're fired.

So what is it?

Like, Coda is all about a girl who sings and her family who is hearing impaired can't hear her.

What is this for blind people?

It's the exact same thing, but for blind people.

Oh, singing too?

No, no, no.

It's someone watching a concert and they're there with their blind parents and they're just narrating what's happening.

Oh, but I mean, at a a concert, people are just kind of standing there playing their instruments.

It doesn't seem like it's as big of a

tragedy or at least ironic as Coda.

You've never been blind.

We got you.

Is it a mess?

I can close my eyes, though, and it's practically the same thing.

No, it's not the same thing because then you have visions that you've already seen before.

I didn't come here to talk about my development deal.

I came here to talk about my dad and his awesome character.

The amount of times that sentence has been said on Comedy Bang Bang, I mean, Elk Scott constantly trying to talk to business, but we're trying to talk family on it.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm sorry, yes.

I want to talk about that.

I'm talking opposite.

Some of my dad's classic characters, like Mr.

Fiddledy Diddledy, he used to go, so I'm just a nice boy.

How do you like your coffee?

Oh, yeah, I remember that guy.

Only one.

One biggest character is from early school.

Only one episode, but yeah.

Yeah, that was his thing.

He only did one episode, and then people talked about it forever.

Right, right.

What else did he do?

I did.

I did

Pearl S.

Wisdom.

In your future, I'm I'm seeing a bunch of horse shit.

Wow, that was such a good impression.

I remember that episode.

The early years, yeah, were really different.

Yeah.

Or were they?

I don't know.

They were exactly the same.

Then you'd be like, I hate your guts.

Why did you come on this show?

Right, yeah.

Exactly.

What else?

I mean, those were two big characters, and I'm shocked.

You want to hear more?

Sure, why not?

Oh, okay.

He did Sufjan Stevens.

What fucking state are you from?

He's from New York, didn't they?

I don't know.

Who knows?

He claims to be from every state.

Every stand-up was getting a sitcom.

And this was the early comedy bang bang where everyone wanted a catchphrase, right?

And your dad would come on and try out his catchphrase.

A lot of people had catchphrases on the show in their early years, in the first couple, especially.

He had a big strategy.

He was like, I come on, I get my catchphrase on there, and then I become a legend.

Right, yeah.

And he did have these catchphrases that you said, but uh, and he is a legend.

Although, I, to be honest, I don't really remember him.

I've been sort of saying, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't really remember him being on.

That's ice cold, that's ice cold.

I mean, it was 13 years ago.

Do you remember what you had for breakfast, you know, in 2009?

Yeah, well, I have the same breakfast every day, Greek yogurt with berries and cashews.

So, yeah, I do know what I had for breakfast 13 years ago.

Okay, I stand corrected.

Wow, an early adopter of the Greek yogurt trend.

Or were you in Europe or Greece?

Yeah, 13 years ago, I was living in Greece.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Doing what?

Just cashing in my dad's checks.

Yeah, why?

Okay, and he's rich, I guess.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

See, this is the thing.

You're pretending you don't know his whole career.

Yeah, it's dude.

You're jealous.

Yeah, I mean, the green-eyed monster, it attacks us all, does it not?

Mostly you.

Shut the fuck up.

Fuck you.

Shut the fuck up.

This is my fucking show.

That's why.

Fuck you.

Fuck you?

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you?

No, fuck you.

Fuck you?

No.

Fuck you.

Oh, God.

This is classic stuff.

This is classic stuff.

Everyone can get fucked.

Do you have any more?

Sure.

And you catch phrase born before mine eyes.

Everybody can get fucked.

You have any more characters you want to talk about?

My dad's characters?

Yeah, I mean, you keep pulling up your phone like you have a long, long list of them, but it could just be three characters long.

No, no, no, no.

You're closing in on the end.

He used to do.

I took a peek.

I scrolled to the bottom.

Danny fucked sticks.

I can't be under arrest.

I was just fucking these two sticks.

Okay.

But those were his catchphrases, you know.

The characters were as rich and deep as anything in modern American literature.

Right, and why don't you do characters?

I mean, you've been doing these voices, good impressions from what I understand.

Oh, no, I can only do the catchphrases.

I can't sustain any kind of character voice for more than, I don't know, one or two sentences.

Right.

And you've always talked like this?

Yeah, this is how I sound.

Right out of the womb, I was like, thanks, Doc.

It's a little cold in here.

Send me back into the womb.

You know?

I'm not willing to hear this.

I am an inspirer.

I am a man who brings the greatness out of men.

You've got a great character in you, Mr.

Castlebottom.

Thank you, Bill.

Let's rip it out of you.

Like the uterine lining.

Let's see it shift.

Stop talking about uterus.

Every single bring up a vagina at some point already.

No dicks, no vaginas, no Hitlers.

It's cancel culture all over the place.

Are you scared of cancel culture being a thing or not being a thing?

I am scared of me being canceled personally.

Yeah.

Because of your personality.

But on the whole, I think everybody gets canceled.

Everybody's so stupid.

Right.

I mean, you're one of those people who would be canceled not because you said anything offensive necessarily, but just because of your whole thing.

Yeah, it'd be like rumors over the course of many years that I am a terrible person and then it finally catches up.

Damn, just break.

Like Alan, Jimmy Fallon.

Or other Alans.

Alan.

Alan.

Two of the great Alans

from Alan to Jimmy Fallon.

From a Persons Project to

Anon.

One of the great Anons from Al-Anon to QAnon.

Yes, so some of the scariest Anons out there are the QAnons, aren't they?

Spinning a whole letter of the alphabet for the rest of us.

Let's get this character out of you, Richie, as I look down at the page.

Let's get this character out of you.

Just

throw out a name.

Any name.

Harry.

Harry, not bad.

Okay.

Well, a nice layup to start it off.

Yeah, okay, Harry.

And what does he do for a living?

Let's say he's a carpenter.

Carpenter?

His last name's drawers.

Harry drawers.

Harry drawers.

This is good because a carpenter would probably make some drawers in some sort of

a furniture thing.

Or you know, I pet that mien when you open the drawers of the chest, there's a bunch of hair inside.

Oh, that's true.

Wow.

See, I'm just pulling stuff from my subconscious because I'm such a huge fan.

Yeah, are you working her side of the street a little too much, though?

Like, are you getting

like...

What do you imply?

No, I just mean, like, is that too close to what you do?

It's a little close, but at this point, whatever you need, buddy, I got your back.

Oh, okay, great.

Oh, I don't think a carpenter has anything to do with you.

I know.

Look, this season is the same.

No, it's the hairy part, I think, is what she's so intimidated.

Oh, the hairy part.

No, but that's the name.

I thought she was just kidding about having your back.

I didn't know that you're back in Alias.

That's what I thought.

Let's do this.

Okay, so please welcome to the show, Harry Drawers.

Oh.

Oh, no.

Thanks for having me.

I don't know.

I just got here from my wood shop.

Why are you talking like that, Harry?

That's somebody.

That's Shangy.

Oh, Scooby-Doo.

Oh, yeah.

I knew it wasn't me.

Well, it wasn't him.

If I heard you in a bed and beyond bedroom, I would be like, oh my god, we need to call the ambulance.

Yeah, why do you talk like that, Harry?

Because I'm just a nice guy.

Bill, I don't know.

I love this guy.

This guy's got legs.

He's got a voice.

He's got a double entrap.

Throw it down, big man, one time.

Yeah, I don't know.

I want Richie back.

Yeah, I got a bail on the guy.

It's not my thing.

I got two sentences in and I got self-conscious.

Yeah, yeah.

Maybe, yeah,

you're not ready for it.

No, that's okay.

I want the not ready for primetime players.

Hey, great.

Those are some of the most famous people in the country right now.

Well, Richie, I thank you for being here.

Now, I'm going to ask you this.

Can you stick around?

Absolutely not.

Someone else coming in or are you just leaving?

No, I got to bail.

I absolutely got to bail.

Okay.

I get it.

I understand.

But

we also, we need to take a break.

We need to do our form of bailing, which is to take a break.

But before we do that,

we're going to be here

hearing a song from the band Starz.

Starz is here, the new album from Capelton Hill.

All right, so now let's go to them.

Starz, are you ready?

We are.

We are going to play you.

Born ready.

It's called Build a Fire.

Yeah.

Build a Fire.

Now, is this about the television show Survivor, about the fire challenges?

It actually sort of is.

Now, I mentioned it.

It's about paranoia and capitalist threat and fear of death.

So, yes, it is about the television show Survivor.

You're describing all of my favorite songs right now.

You may wonder, Scott.

All right, well, let's hear it.

This is Starz.

Hit it, guys.

Ladies and gentlemen, stars.

You're left alone with your thoughts all day.

When someone calls you, tell them that you're okay.

Outside that long, low shadows creep

You put away the past and you try to go to sleep Time to build a fire Time to light it up

Time to let it burn bright And then it's time to stop

And then it's time to stop

in the empty city again

Waiting for your passport and running from your friends

Outside they're burning down the past

They're dreaming in their seat if they think it's gonna last

The night goes 90 miles an hour

The terrifying dawn is unfolding like a flower

They live a life of quiet despair

They turn to pull you in, but they never find find you there

They never find you there I never knew you could be that way

I never knew you would hurt me

I never knew you could be that way

I never knew you would hurt me

I never knew you could be that way

I never knew you would hurt me

I never knew you could be that way

I never knew you would hurt me, hurting me.

Time to build a fire, time to light it up.

Time to let it burn bright and man, it's time to stop.

Time to build a fire, time to light it up.

Time to let it burn brighter Man, it's time to stop

Time to feed the fire, time to fill your cup

And heat eats everything and it's never gonna stop

Time to feed the fire, time to fill your cup

The world will keep on turning, it's never gonna stop No, it's never gonna stop

I never knew it could be that way.

I never knew it could be that way.

All right, very good.

We're going to take a break.

We're going to be right back.

More 13th anniversary comedy bang bang after this.

The best B2B marketing gets wasted on the wrong people, right?

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Comedy Bang Bang 13th anniversary episode.

We are back.

We have, let's see, Bill Walton is here, of course.

Wama Bama, of course, he's trying new things out.

Whamabama.

We also have Big Chunky Bubbles is here.

Do you want to say Wama Bama?

Usually we've been saying, oh, no, you just said it.

I know, but you could share it.

You want me to say it again?

Yeah.

Oh, meaning, yeah, I'd like to hear it.

Every succeeding person has to say it one more time than the previous person.

Boy, oh, boy.

This is another thing that could have been taken care of off mine.

Wama Bama.

Thank you.

And Francesca Bolognese is here three times for you, please.

Screaming is a new thing, but say Wama Bama three times.

Wama Bama!

Wama Bama Wama Bama.

Okay, thank you.

Two more and Wama Bama appears.

Oh, no.

What happens when he shows up?

Or Sheen.

Thank you.

They fight Chamba Wamba?

And someone gets knocked down, my friend.

Of course.

And what happens?

They get up again.

Oh, okay.

And Richie Castlebaum took off, so no big loss there.

And, of course, we have stars here all the way from Montreal.

Oh, it's a pleasure and an honor.

Happy anniversary.

And now we have a returning favorite here.

He is

a clergy person

in the ministry,

trying to get out there and save people.

And also an enthusiast of a certain type of food.

Please welcome back to the show pasta pasta.

Pasta pasta.

Pasta Pasta.

Sorry.

I never know how to put it.

Never quite remember how to put it.

And you say it like

my identity is separate.

Also, an enthusiast, a pasta.

But I'm an enthusiast because I'm a pasta.

Right.

Is that track for you, Scott?

I suppose so, yes.

And I apologize.

I didn't know that.

All God's people said Fusili.

Fusili.

All right.

Now, for those of you who haven't heard Pasta Pasta.

What the hell are you doing?

Yeah, go back and just pause the the episode.

If you haven't heard, pause the episode and go back and listen to the others.

And your thing is basically you are a minister who also enjoys.

Scott, why are you acting like you don't?

Scott, I didn't come here to be antagonistic with you.

Of course, it seems inevitable.

Why you got to act confused about my identity?

I am not confused.

Or am I getting the facts wrong?

You're getting the facts wrong.

What do you tell me?

What am I not saying?

I love pastor.

Right.

I'm also a pastor.

Right.

Who preaches about pastor.

Right.

Understand?

I understand it.

Yes.

It's full circle.

Very good.

So

and you go.

Are you doing this on Sundays?

I don't know if we've ever talked about what day you're out there.

Sundays, Saturdays.

Sometimes Wednesdays.

Sometimes Wednesdays.

Oh, yeah, okay.

The days I rest.

Okay.

Wow, that's a lot of time off.

On the other four days, he rested.

Yes.

I have always thought that being a minister or being a

pastor or anything like that, you're working one day a week.

Yeah.

It's a pretty sweet gig, right?

Well, no, I would say it's not a sweet gig.

And honestly, Scott, I don't mean to bring the mood down here at this beautiful music.

Oh, no.

We've been having so much fun.

We've been hearing music.

It's been music.

You heard a song.

The two things, music and a song.

Yeah, music is part of songs, generally speaking.

Sure.

Some say they're synonymous.

I would almost say that if a song came on and there.

Oh, sorry.

Go ahead.

You're so repeating.

If a song came on and there wasn't music in it, I would pass it.

It would just a cappella?

No, there'd be music in that.

Okay, sure.

Okay.

Oh, you mean instrumentation?

Sure, right.

Sure.

Yes, of course.

I do mean that.

I like you today.

I like you, too.

Okay, very good.

It's good to have you on.

We're celebrating the 13th anniversary, and you have something that you wanted to bring.

Well, this isn't so much a celebration, but maybe for mine enemies.

Okay.

My doctor has told me I have 45 minutes to live.

No!

From now or from when he told you?

From now.

He said, the minute you step on and start talking on that podcast, you got 45 minutes to live.

This is like a speed situation.

This is a speed situation, Scott.

He said, my cholesterol is so high.

From eating pasta?

From eating pasta.

And I said, I am not going to stop eating pasta over my dead body while I start eating.

Yeah, you brought some.

You brought like...

Literally.

Yeah, you brought a whole bunch of to-go containers in there.

Different types of pasta.

Anyone want to join me?

Just dip right in.

I'm in the hey of some of these gnocchi.

Yeah, gnocchi.

Yeah.

You're here with Francesca Bolognese, who I believe is from.

I am from Italy.

From Italy.

Italy.

Italy.

Italy.

Italy.

Yeah.

Wait, you're from the restaurant?

The restaurant.

Yes, they're from the restaurant.

Okay, but I don't want to.

You were born in the background.

I was born in the back where they make the Parmiciano restaurant.

Oh, okay, okay.

And your parents worked there.

Yeah, what was your mother doing back there?

My mother, she worked at the...

She from Ohio.

Oh.

You don't have to enunciate it like that, baby.

I don't want to tell nobody what to do.

She was from Ohio.

She looked so stressed saying it.

Throw it away.

She used to help make the Parmigiano Reggiano.

Basically, they get it shipped in from Italy.

With the eye.

With the eyes.

And she would organize the big wheels of cheese.

She'd organize.

So she was like stacking.

I'm so glad we're talking about this woman's mother when I have 43 minutes to live.

I am so smart.

You're right.

You need to pack everything.

I just got to tell you, I think it's incredible.

I beg your pardon.

You're right.

We got on a tangent.

I was going to say, this podcast really drained the life out of you, though.

Well, it was this podcast.

What happened?

You make me come on here and do sermons for free.

And it's not cool, Scott.

Look, I'll pay you to do a sermon if you just promise to live longer.

I can't make that promise.

The cholesterol is so high.

He told me it's so high.

He said my arteries are filled with parmesan.

No.

Parmesan and carbohydrates.

They won't break down in my body anymore.

In the arteries?

In the arteries.

No.

The capillaries.

No.

Eat the quadrants.

No.

Even in the quadrants.

Even in the middle.

When it gets in the quadrants, that's it.

Even in the quadrants.

I don't want to go full vampire, but it sounds like

it's going to be a little bit delicious.

I suppose so.

If you want to take a bite, I don't have nothing to live for anymore.

But if I could share a word with y'all about pasta.

Please, yes.

I mean, this is your time.

I mean, you only have, like, by my count, 40 minutes to live at this point.

Why don't you tell me a problem you're having and I can say a word.

Okay, well, I have a personal problem.

Occasionally I'll come to work and there will be people at work that I really, really dislike who

come on this show and I really hate them.

You could write a picture of them.

They're not even giving it time a day.

Yeah, I hear you.

Why should I dignify, man?

that?

Okay, that's the problem.

That's the problem.

Yeah, I dislike my coworkers.

What makes you so special?

Good question.

That sounds regular, but okay.

Sounds regular?

Have you ever tried praying to pasta?

I don't even know what that would entail.

Well, you get a bowl of pasta.

That exists already?

Well, you could boil it.

You could do whatever you want.

You could bake it if it's ziggy.

Could it dry?

Could it be dried pasta?

You're going to have to cook it.

Okay.

Do you have a kitchen in here?

I'd love to go in the kitchen and maybe make everybody a little bit of pasta before I pass.

There's a kitchenette.

Chewbacca is here.

A kitchenette.

Will that do you?

A kitchenette.

What is that?

A female kitchen?

Yes, exactly.

It's like does less work.

Does a little less work, gets paid less.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, well, if there's a kitchenette, I usually like my kitchens male, but I'll go into a kitchenette.

Okay.

I'll go into a kitchenette.

If I could just go whip y'all up some pasta.

You're going to spend part of your.

I mean, it takes about.

Being of service, yes.

Wow.

Yeah.

Thank you so much.

What are you you going to make for us?

Well, everybody, tell me your favorite kind of pasta.

Scungely.

Scungely.

Scongeally, the blessing.

Scongeally, the sacrament.

I got the blues, craft mac and cheese.

Blue box blues.

What's your favorite?

Well, I'm sad that you're dying, so I got the blues.

You know,

I love it.

You don't have to be sad for me.

I've lived a good life.

Please don't be sad for me.

I'm actually quite happy to pass.

Good.

Oh, really?

I'm happy.

Where do you think you go when you die?

Hell.

Wow.

That's part of your religion.

I'm going straight to hell, honey.

You must be so scared.

Why are you doing that?

Oh, no, I'm not scared.

I have met Lucifer face to face.

Oh.

We went to elementary school together.

Yeah.

So you're happy you're going to die because you're going to meet Lucifer again, your old school chub?

He used to bully me.

He used to bully me.

Then why are you happy to see him?

Well, because now I want him to see how well I've done, how thick I've gotten.

He used to call me skin and bones.

Oh, you think that Lucifer from a Lucifer's Pizza?

Yes, yes, exactly.

Here in Los Angeles.

Local reference.

I mean, jones aside, that's good pizza.

Here in Los Angeles, yes.

Too spicy.

I don't like the spice.

You don't like the spice?

She's not on her time.

She only has

a lucid dynamic.

This man.

Please.

Yeah, this man only has 38 pieces.

It's a man.

I'm a man, and I cook in kitchens.

But for the sake of this podcast, I cook in a kitchenette.

Okay.

Little bitch-ass kitchenette.

Here's the problem with Lucifer.

He made a pizza shop.

Pizza,

contrary to popular belief, is not Pasca.

It's not Pasta.

Although they cook it in the same place, you do.

Similar flavors.

Right.

Usually in Italy, sometimes in Italy.

Italy.

Which one?

Italy.

Is where I am from.

Is that who you're talking about?

Yeah, but then now say the restaurant name.

She just did.

Okay, no, but she said that's where I'm from.

Okay, say the country.

Italy.

Say the restaurant.

Italy.

Say the back.

Say the nose.

Back to back.

Say them back to back.

Italy, Italy.

Send three times fast.

Italy, Italy, Italy, Italy, Italy, Italy.

Now it sounds Western.

It sounds Western.

Do you think they'll ever be in Adaly?

Adaly.

Italy, Italy.

Adaly.

Italy.

Italy.

My dad used to do an awesome character called Adaly.

Oh, you're back.

Richie's back.

Sorry, I don't want to take up any time.

I am going to die.

I mean, if you're going to tell a story, please make it good because I'm going to pass.

I don't think I see Richie.

I think I see a new really hungry guy that just walked into the room.

Do you want some pasta?

Hungry Stew?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I could be like a guy who loves pasta and is super hungry.

Hungry Stew.

Hungry Stew.

Yeah, Stew too much to like your thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

All right.

Plus, the Simpsons did this, right?

Oh, just go Stew was hungry.

Yeah, that's crazy.

I'm about to pass away.

I'm sorry.

Pass it past him.

Pass it past it.

What do you want to talk about?

What do you want to talk about?

This is actually crazy, Scott.

Literally insane.

Can you believe I came here?

My diet, I came here.

The doctor told me, don't come here.

He told me not to come here.

He said it's not good for my health or my blood pressure or my cholesterol.

Right.

And I'm not sure if you came anyway.

Because I care, Scott.

Thank you so much.

I care about you.

I know we've had our differences, but

I care.

You're another one of these guys I haven't really liked all that much.

But we don't work together.

I come here gratis.

Yes, that's true.

Yeah.

I come here gratisse.

Everybody else come and gratise.

Anybody getting paid?

Hey, when you're in the kitchenette, could you make us some gratis?

You're an asshole.

Wow.

How do you like

the enemy of my enemy as my friend, I thought?

I'm going to just come out and say it.

I'm going to just come out.

You don't have much time left on this earth?

I don't.

I'm going to filter.

Y'all want to talk about The Simpsons?

How much is it?

What was your favorite Simpsons?

My favorite Simpsons?

Yeah.

Episode?

Yeah, episode or a person.

I like Bart.

Yeah.

I like Bart.

What do you like about Bart?

Good character.

Good character.

Probably one of the best characters on episode.

One of the top five?

I like how prominent he was.

See, when you watch a show, you like whoever has the most lines.

I count episode by episode.

And over time, he had most lines.

He had the most lines.

Homer was really rivaling him once they figured out what was funny about him.

Sure, sure, sure.

But I'm riding for Bart till the day I die, which is today in a couple minutes.

Oh, no, ride or die with Bart.

But I don't mean to make, I don't want to bring the mood down.

I want to talk about happy things.

Okay, talk about happy things.

Pasta, pasta.

Okay.

Elbow macaroni.

That counts.

Oh, yes.

I think you were trying to do a bit, but that counts.

That's pasta.

Yeah, absolutely.

You could put cheese on it.

It's still pasta.

Lasagna.

Yeah.

Pasta.

Right, right.

My favorite pasta is a rice aroni.

Dussen, Francisco treat.

That's rice.

Yeah, it's not popcorn.

Well, that's actually.

That's got a little head though.

No, that's rice.

That's in the name, baby.

I ain't the one dog eat very.

Well, maybe it's in the name, rice-aroni.

No, I like that.

Maybe she's talking about the roni part of it.

It might be like macaroni, you know, flavoring.

Oh, shit.

Did you just realize

68 years on this earth and you just realized rice-a-rone is rice and macaroni?

I'm not making some phone calls, Scott.

Who are you calling?

I'm a chef.

And what are you saying to him?

Yeah, yeah.

Or her.

Oh, thank you.

And she's cooking in a kitchenette.

What's that?

Your chef is cooking in a kitchenette if it's a she.

Yeah, that's right.

If it's a man, it's a kitchen.

Well, I don't subscribe to gender norms, but my chef does.

So she cooks in the kitchen and she wears women's bras.

Oh,

mikes.

Bras for her?

Bras for her.

What about that?

But pH ballots for a man, for sure.

Oh, okay.

And only a bras for a bro.

Only abrasive.

Why are you such a freak, Scott?

I'm not a freak.

I'm just.

Thank you.

I I thought he was telling you.

This guy sucks, right?

Yeah, I mean, because I came and I thought I was.

You hated him.

Well, no, I said he was an asshole.

Don't mean I don't like him.

And I didn't disagree.

Yeah.

We do agree on something.

Okay.

This is just like the last supper.

This is the last supper, y'all are by.

Do you want something to eat, by the way?

I mean, maybe we can make you something to eat.

I want a burger.

What?

What?

I have a burger.

Yeah.

I haven't had a burger.

It's so unlike that.

No, I haven't had a burger in 61 years.

They're going to have to call you pasta burger.

No, they won't.

Over my dead body, they won't.

You dead burger.

Which will be in about 30 minutes

over my dead body.

I'm so sorry.

Where do you want your remains?

I want my remains.

Or cremaines.

Cremains.

Oh, well, no,

I want them to saw me in half.

Like animal dishes.

Don't be so disgusted.

Don't be so disgusted.

I'm not disgusted.

It's just a weird thing.

They are looking at me with disdain.

I have a good idea for you.

Okay, well.

I think we make your body into a feeling that we feel a tortellini wing.

Oh, a ravioli.

Oh, that was a good one.

A human ravioli.

A human ravioli.

You make all the people you're close with eat the ravioli.

So, Scott, you'll be eating it.

Scott, we're that close.

I've been working for you for free.

I'm so sorry.

All you have to do is ask, and I'll pay you.

Some money?

Yeah.

Okay, I'm working on it.

Everybody here wants a little money.

Okay,

I'm looking around at my friends.

I got a little walking around money.

What What do you guys want?

Walking around.

I take a $59.

$59?

Okay, yeah, sure.

$59.

Add 10 to that, maybe you got something.

You know what I'm saying?

You're a freak.

You're a freak.

She's a creep.

He's a freak.

I hate this.

You want to know what kind of bra the chef is wearing?

Yeah.

He's so.

That's the first thing Scott asks in every restaurant I've been.

HTP.

May I see the chef?

What kind of bra do you have on under there?

I mean, it's disgusting.

It's disgusting.

But I do want my body sawed in half.

I want the bottom half cremated.

Oh, okay.

And the top buried.

Well, I want my arms rolled up into a pretzel kind of formation, and then I want to be buried.

I like the showmanship.

So if anyone were ever to exhume the body, it would be like, uh-uh.

Exactly.

Yeah, it would be like, what are you doing in here?

You know, you're not supposed to be in here messing around.

That's exactly.

Exactly.

That's the only thing that stops a grave robber is judgment from the corpse.

Yeah, absolutely.

Absolutely.

But that's my diet.

Wish I do like the idea of putting my body in impasta.

Would you eat my ass in a ravioli?

That question is for you, Scott.

I made direct eye contact.

I don't think so.

Any part of that.

I'm not dying.

You are dying, but by the time you die, you'll be dead, and it won't matter.

It will, because I'm going to be watching down from heaven.

You think you'll be a ghost?

A hell ghost?

I'll be a host.

I'm going to be fucking too.

Because I couldn't help.

Well, because I couldn't fuck.

Oh, yeah.

Well, once you get to hell, you can do all the sins.

Pastor, I never thought about this.

I'm going to come back up.

Can the people from hell watch us too?

Yeah, they watch.

Yeah, they watch.

Lucifer told me.

He's seen all y'all fucking.

Really?

What do you think?

He says,

You got some work to do.

I actually had a text from him.

Oh,

he says, Scott has some work to do.

I think he thinks his partner is happy.

She's been talking to me direct.

She's not.

Kool-op's been talking to Sefer?

He prefers because he prefers Lou?

Yeah, Lou, Lou.

Louis Cipher.

Louis C.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh, no.

Louis Cefer.

One of the best SNL hosts.

I was like, please don't say it, please don't say it.

You enjoyed his SNL.

I'm the best SNL host.

You enjoyed his

SNL set.

Who are your favorite hosts?

You're trying to get me canceled?

You're trying to get me canceled right before I pass away.

I guess it doesn't matter.

Yeah,

say whatever you want to say.

Let's cancel you.

Favorite hosts.

Now, your big thing is pasta, but you're a pastor, so remember that when you're thinking.

Okay, right.

Why?

Who would you say, Bill?

Right.

Oh, it's got to be Charles Barkley.

Why?

Oh, because did you see him elbowing Barney and that stuff?

Oh, elbow macaroni.

Okay, so that makes sense.

My favorite hosts, I mean, all my favorite hosts are Predators and

people no one's rooting for.

What if they got a Predator from the movie Predator to host?

That would be incredible.

It wouldn't be much unlike the way the show works now.

Yeah.

You know, Alien would text all his friends and be like, they fucking got Predator.

But then they'd get Alien next season.

We both top line that movie.

But they'd get Alien the following season.

Yeah.

I don't really watch SNL.

I'm going to be honest with you.

Not my kind of program.

Because it comes on right before church.

Literally a half hour before church starts.

A half hour before church starts.

And so I'm usually preparing for my sermons and such.

I don't mean to bring the mood down, but I am going to be passing away in maybe 20 minutes.

Yeah, it's coming up close.

Well, no, I think you go a little more than that.

More than 20 minutes.

More than 20 minutes.

I know I offered to make y'all pasta, but I actually think that's rude that y'all would have.

Yeah, we don't want you to leave.

We want you to be.

Use your final moments here on my bait and switch.

I'm really getting hungry.

Well, if you're hungry, get your ass in the kitchen.

Hey, I thought we were on the same switch.

We are on the same side.

We have this guy.

We do hate him.

He sucks.

We do hate him.

Do you know what I remember how annoying he is, though?

I don't think he's annoying.

I think he's an asshole.

Thank you.

So he's intentionally annoying.

Yeah, and that's better.

That's better because

it represents a sort of an awareness.

Oh, okay.

Wait a minute.

But that's how you are, Scott.

Huh?

Maybe we're not so different after all.

BCB.

You're willfully obtuse.

Should we be BFFs?

I love this.

BFs is okay.

Just best friends.

Boyfriend?

Not forever?

Not forever.

Boyfriends?

No, boyfriends forever.

Boyfriends.

On that point, put a ring on it.

You're not one of them.

He don't value you.

Boyfriend forever.

Common law.

Yeah, Richie, what do you got?

Oh, I have to do it.

Just in general.

Richie, just in general.

Because Richie seems to have tapped out.

I'm dying.

And that sucks.

And Richie is so disconnected for mortality.

Are you checking your stocks or your

Bitcoin?

I'm in awe.

I'm tracking all the things that could become catchphrases.

Yeah.

I'm trying to be respectful of the last few moments on earth that Passa.

Do you have anyone you want us to contact

Passa Pasta?

Mr.

Barilla.

Who's Mr.

Barilla?

Creator Barilla Pasta.

I've never got to thank him.

What is the shape of Barilla Pasta?

I'm having a fairy.

It varies.

It's a brand.

It's a brand.

They got all kinds.

They got spaghetti, rigatone,

spaghetti.

And that's your favorite?

Rigatone.

Yeah.

Fettuccine.

Fettuccine.

Right.

Spaghetti.

Right.

Spaghetti.

We've said this several times.

Rigatone.

Seems like you know about three pastas today.

Linguine.

The last time you had a huge list of about 30 of them.

Well, hold on.

Well, hold on now, because you are underestimating me.

I know you're not.

Fettuccine.

Rizzarone.

No.

I want to just say no.

I don't like rice.

It is the enemy of a pasta.

That's right.

Well, they're both carbs.

Well, all carbs are not created equal, Scott.

Okay, okay.

Okay, sorry, yeah.

Fettuccine.

You got your listing.

Okay.

Cappellini.

Spaghettinini.

Yeah, amen.

Spaghetti.

Berciatelli.

One thing I learned at Italy is that you just add a tiny at the end.

It's a new pasta.

Okay.

Have you ever had a martini bullet egg?

Yeah, but the leash is.

Hold on.

Hey God, I actually see Mr.

Barillo walking into the room right now.

Oh, my God.

Hello, Mr.

Barillo.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Let's check your sodium levels.

Oh, no.

With my thermometer on the bottom.

Oh, no, he's walking immediately out.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

I had to.

Yeah, that was

good.

Everyone, I'm sorry, has some breaking pasta news.

What?

Most of the rice-arone products contain a rice and pasta mixture.

What'd I tell The pasta is either Rosa Marina, rice-shaped pasta, or cut vermicelli, similar to spaghetti, but then

it's like a bag of spots.

Oh, no, I like him.

Why are you doing

her?

Why to him?

Sorry.

Why don't you respect me, Stop?

What about couscous?

You like a couscous?

Why are you?

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

No, stay with us.

Don't go into the red light.

I don't think he's dying.

Penguin.

Penguin!

Seems like noodle.

What about Quinoa?

I'm sorry, I doesn't.

I want to make sure I know my pasta.

I've already,

oh my god.

Are you sure you're dying and you don't just have to fart?

Oh, wait.

You are so bad.

I mean, you are so bad.

That's a fun character.

Maybe do something about farts.

Farting is good comedy.

It could be anything.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Like Fart Fimpson or something like that.

Yeah.

Oh, that would be

fun.

Don't have a.

Beat my farts, man.

Yeah.

Yeah, but I think you need to work on it and come back with it.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

You can't just launch into it now.

No, no, you're right.

You're right.

I'll workshop it.

I'll workshop it in my brain.

I'll tune out for a little while.

It sounds good to me.

But we've got Fart Simpson coming up around the corner.

Fart Fimpson, yes.

I think it's crazy that I'm dying.

You're not dying.

You just.

Hold on.

I actually think it's insane that I'm dying and y'all y'all just go sit up here and talk about fictional characters.

Yeah.

Nobody else thinks it's crazy.

I'm the only one that thinks it's crazy.

I don't know.

I don't know that you're dying.

I think that you.

What do you mean that I have to?

You just think I have to fart?

Yeah, I think that.

You think my doctor told me you have to fart in 45 minutes and I misunderstood it and said you're dead.

You think I'm stupid?

Could be, yeah.

Master, what can we do for you to make your final moments comfortable?

How can we ease your suffering?

Well.

You want me to rub your tummy?

I would love for you to rub my tummy, and I would love for Scott to rub my feet.

Do you want to see a bubble that looks like a penis?

I do.

I do.

I think we all do.

Let me fire up my hot plate here.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

How long is it going to take for this bubble to be 45 minutes?

Oh, she doesn't even have to.

Or he doesn't even have 45 minutes.

I'm sorry.

So rude.

I'm sorry.

I've got some big hips on me, but that is no

thick.

I'm very thick.

Well, you eat pasta.

I'd love to watch you walk away.

But I'm not going to.

I'm going to die.

Oh, you're going to die right here.

Would you die face down?

Would that be okay?

Face up.

That's the way that I like to see you die.

Okay, great.

I could do that for you.

I'm sure I will.

Guys, this has been a pleasure.

I'm going to excuse myself.

No, stay here for a minute.

I'm going to recuse myself from this point.

Wait, I have one more question.

What about Pharaoh?

Oh!

Oh, no.

Oh, God.

Okay.

Well,

are you leaving or are you staying?

I can't quite tell.

Well, I'm going to die.

Okay.

But I'm going to do that somewhere else.

That is not to say I won't come back to the podcast in ghost form.

Oh, okay.

Do you promise to be a ghost next time?

I'll be a host.

Okay, yeah.

Take the G off.

Great.

We all make a promise.

A hell of ghost.

Well, a hell ghost who is also a host.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Can we all make a promise to be ghosts after this?

Yeah, that would be great.

Wait, are you saying we should do a suicide pact at the end of this show?

What did you hear?

So, well, Pasipas is great to have you on the show.

Pasipasa, even though you've pronounced it.

Because I'm allowed to confuse people.

Right.

But I'm the one who should be sering.

Because you're a host.

Yeah.

You're a host.

I'm not a ghost.

I'm not a host.

Not a ghost.

Oh,

that's right.

You're probably going to hell, though.

You think so?

Oh, sure.

For sure.

Check in with Lucifer if you could.

Okay, well, he doesn't have good things to say about you.

Really?

What's he saying?

Because Kulop talking to him.

I mean, he's talked about how the way I

pleasure your wife.

Yeah.

Yeah, he has.

But she doesn't.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah.

Well, you're shaking right now.

You're literally shaking.

I am.

I'm shook right now.

You are actually shook by definition.

You're shaking.

Damn.

Okay, well, I'm going to go pass away in the bathroom.

Eat the bathroom.

Bye now.

All right, face down, please.

Okay, no.

Come in there and check on me, please.

Yeah, okay, we'll do it.

Pasta pause, everybody.

Great to see you.

Rest in peace.

Oh,

rest in pasta.

I got it out first.

I did it first.

Well, you know.

Well, we have to take a break.

When we return, we'll have more.

No, but no, this is my show.

You get your own podcast.

You see if I don't.

I, oh man, I would love to see big chunky bubbles have maybe a CBB presents episode with big chunky bubbles.

Oh, what does who?

Yeah, exactly.

All right, we are going to go to that break, but stars, do you guys want to do your second song?

You know it.

Yeah, we're going to play Cableton Hill.

This is Starz.

All right, let's hear this song.

Close up the house for one more year.

Every single leaf has turned to red.

The frost is settling on all the roofs around here.

Do you remember what you said?

Two hundred days ago, when everything was lost,

and everybody closed the door.

You looked at me under the lightning tree and asked me,

What is all of this been for?

Wandered far away from every hole to you.

Fell in the beach from the sky for that gift.

Road into my sky, I gone.

I forgot that the others were more

comfortable.

I told you we were here to fight.

I told you we were here to sing.

I told you we were here to keep each other company.

And it's meant everything.

A million miles now asleep.

A million streets lost in the past.

There's only moments left to keep now love.

And even they are running fast.

Wandered far out from painful tonight.

Fell in the ditch when we stopped for the books.

Rolled into years that we never had before.

I forgot that we always were loved.

I said, take me to bed with some heart.

Kick up the choir just to keep us afloat.

When we two, we can swim through the dark.

Dream of the words that we cried from the start.

Hand to heart.

Sweeping up the ashes of the fire

From when we set ourselves alight

A different sea of faces singing all our songs to race

A different city every night

Close up the house for one more year

Wave to the lake and drive away

That feeling in your chest lit is unfair

It's just the passing of the day

Wander far above cable to

fail in the goods when you sign for that peace

Road into yours that you are knocked on.

I forgot that we always were more.

You said let's have the dreams and get out.

Trade in the city, the clouds in the sun.

Mirrors reflect what's been left in the past.

And nevertheless, it just might not last.

It's a star,

hands ahead.

It's a star,

hands are heart.

It's a star,

hands to heart.

It's a star.

All right.

Thank you, stars.

We'll be right back with more comedy bambang after this.

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You know, when you

think about game day,

you might not think Wayfair, right?

I mean, they're two...

One's two words and one's one word, first of all.

That's confusing right off the bat.

And then they're totally different

letters, although the A's, there still are two A's, but the G and the M, those aren't in Wayfair, and the W and the

Y is in both.

I mean, this is pretty similar, actually.

Game day, Wayfair.

I mean, you might think about it, but one reason you should is because Wayfair, right?

Wayfair is the best kept secret for incredible and affordable game day finds, whether you're upgrading your tailgate with coolers that stay cold or patio heaters that stay hot.

Cold things should stay cold and hot things should stay hot, right?

Wayfair has something for every style and every home, no matter your space or your budget.

They even have decor and merch from your favorite sports teams.

And the best part, Wayfair offers free and easy delivery, even on the big stuff.

And when you're talking big stuff, here's what I ordered from Wayfair the other day.

I mean, when I say I, I mean cool op.

Kulop ordered a bunch of holiday stuff.

She ordered a giant skeleton for Halloween.

A rabbit sitting with a ladybug.

I guess that's year-round.

That can just stay out there forever.

So, yeah.

So, Wayfair's not only got stuff for game day, but also has a bunch of holiday stuff that my wife likes.

In any case, Wayfair is your trusted destination for all things game day, from coolers and grills to recliners and slow cookers.

Shop, save, and score goal

today at Wayfair.com.

That's W W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com.

Wayfair, every style, every home.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we are back.

Of course, Big Chunky Bubbles is here of the,

where are you from again?

What's the, what, under duress?

Is that what you said?

Is that where you're from?

Under duress.

And we have Richie Castlebaum is here.

Yes, I'm here.

You are here.

Francesca Bolognet is, of course.

Of course, I am here.

I never leave you, Scott.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Just kidding.

Oh, shit.

I fell for it.

And of course, Bill Walton is here.

Slam Duncan Curtis.

Pass to Pass.

I had to go, of course.

Stars is here

doing songs from their record from Capelton Hill out there on tour.

Now,

what the hell?

What is that?

The best thing about being a gardener is that I like

gardening.

What?

Oh, I'm a gardener.

I'm looking at my gardening.

Hey, hey.

The gardening makes me feel good.

Hey, hey, hey, you.

I'm still the gardener.

Hey, dude, dude.

Whoa, whoa, hey.

Dude, dude, hey, what's up?

What are you doing?

Hey, I'm your...

Hey, Scott.

What are you doing a show here?

Scott, I'm your gardener.

I'm Gary the gardener, baby.

I had to come blow some leaves,

baby.

Oh, yeah.

You're the guy who's been blowing all the leaves the last six months, five months of the show when I've been taping them in my backyard.

By the way, Scott, where the hell are we right now?

What is this?

This is a studio.

This is the Earwolf Studios.

Did you just follow me here?

Scott, I am your gardener.

So I follow, I put a tracker on your shoes.

What?

And I follow you.

One of those apple tabs on you.

I put one of those apple tabs on you.

And wherever you are, I'm blowing leaves, Scott.

Oh, my God.

I hate that sound.

What are you doing with that sound?

Scott, I'm kind of the fifth member, like the fifth character of the podcast.

You're like

what New York is to the turtles?

I'm the star of the backyard era of Comedy Ben.

You've been ruining the show.

What do you mean?

Ruining the show.

You mean that dulcid tone that's just like a high-pitched whistle?

Are you the guy who's also been backing a truck up?

Yeah!

And I've been hammering stuff.

I do a lot of yard work, triple threats, Scott.

First of all, I'm pretty pissed.

This is the first time I've been on the podcast, Scott.

Yeah, well, I haven't wanted you on the show.

It's an interruption, Scott.

I have a lot of interesting things about me that I feel like you have interested people on the podcast.

Well, look, it is an open-door policy.

It's open to anyone who wants to talk.

So, I mean, obviously, we have Richie here.

Yeah, I don't know.

Who the hell is this guy?

Oh, yeah, I'm about to leave.

Now, let me ask you, Scott, do you want me to keep blowing blowing leaves in here?

Uh, no.

Okay, do you want to talk about the interesting things about you?

Oh, yeah, of course.

All right.

I'm fucking a Vetus flytrap.

What?

I am fucking a Vetus flytrap.

Is that not interesting, Scott?

He's achieved the great dream of mankind.

Please tell us more about making love to a Venus flytrap.

Everyone's seen one and wants to.

I mean, yeah, it's that flower that latches onto something anytime anything passes by.

And if you put a penis in there, it will latch on to, Scott.

Francesca, what do you think about it?

Are we finally talking about penises again?

Yes, we're talking about penises, I'm sure.

I feel like everybody's trying to leave right now.

Yes,

I really have an important

scot.

I mean, I.

Shift, I thought, but, but I'm beyond that.

So, wait, you have to go and Richie has to go?

I also have to go.

What?

Well, mostly just because I don't like you.

No, stick around.

Please.

You can.

I gotta go.

Because you don't like me?

I mean, I get to go because I don't like you.

I love you.

He just started.

I know I'm going to be a break.

So did I hike.

You're like a Ross.

We hit it off, so I'm going to give it a ride.

I thought we were going to have a break.

Another interesting thing about me.

He's just going to plow through it, I guess.

Barrel and a water.

I only eat human flesh, Scott.

What?

Freeze job.

Yeah, I'm an opposite of a vegetarian.

So for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Yeah, I skip lunch.

Oh, okay.

So for breakfast and dinner, human flesh.

Actually, I have a sensible shake for lunch.

Okay.

Human flesh?

Oh, human flesh.

It's freeze-dried flesh.

Where do you get the flesh?

I gotta ask.

Scott, you do not want to know.

Come on.

I really do want to know.

Okay, I get it from a monthly flesh subscription box.

Fleshcription?

It's called Flesh Box.

Oh, okay.

I subscribed to that for a bit, and yeah, it was different than what I thought it was going to be.

You thought it would be a fleshlight in there?

You've got to find a Vita's flytrap.

Every month a new flesh.

Are you sure it's not called Hello Flesh?

Damn, that's better.

You know, Scott, I'm also a gardener to the stars.

Really?

That's right.

What stars?

Really?

Pass.

Oh, it is.

Well, I'm a gardener to the stars for such stars as, you know, Kevin Spacey,

Bill Cosby.

Oh,

O.J.

Simpson, and you.

Oh, jeez.

You guys all in next door to each other?

Yeah, I'm not like that.

It's easy for me to just get them all in at the same day.

The house is pretty cheap.

I think the neighborhood, the market value.

Yeah.

Everywhere.

You want to ask me any questions about Kevin Spacey?

Yeah.

I mean, what's he doing on

when does he do those videos?

Christmas.

He's making a video, Scott.

I wish I didn't like them so much.

What's he do the other 364 days a year?

He's rehearsing the video.

Oh, yeah.

They're so good.

He's writing, rewriting, getting to writer's room, breaking off a B-room, rehearsing, doing pre-production, and then on Christmas Day, he comes in and he says, well, hello there.

Or whatever the fuck he says.

Spacey Claws.

Spacey Claws.

Yeah.

He's pretty cool.

He is really.

He's a nice guy.

He treats you well.

No.

Oh.

He treats me pretty poorly.

Really?

What is that?

Yeah.

It is cool.

He makes me cut all his bushes into dicks.

And then sits on him.

And then he comes in and he slaps him around and sits on him.

And he says, Thank God y'all can't respond.

He says.

Allegedly.

Allegedly, this happened.

No, this happened.

Well, I don't know that I believe you.

You can't believe I.

I have all these stories, Scott.

Tell me a story.

Deal, tell me any kind of story you want.

I mean, these guys are

looking at their watches.

I got a story.

I got a story, Scott.

I got a little script I've been working on.

Oh.

That's right.

So you're a screenwriter as well.

I am a screenwriter as well.

What do you got?

I'm like the seventh thing.

It's a little something called the Caustic Gardener, Scott.

Oh, okay.

I've heard of the Constant Gardener.

Yeah, but this is the Constant Gardener.

Wait, what did you say?

I thought you said Caustic.

No, I said the Caustic.

You said Constant.

Oh, yeah.

There is a thing called called.

There's a thing called that?

Yeah, yeah.

What's it about?

Is it about a British diplomat?

What?

Is it about a British diplomat?

Is it about like water rights in Africa?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, something like that.

All right, I'm across the bottom.

Yeah, you gotta rewrite.

I gotta write that one out.

You know, I pissed shit in all your plants.

I could, though.

I think that's a RPU stinky.

Oh, well, I've been pulling a Weinstein in most of them, so.

Now, what the hell does that mean?

Walking out in a robe and just kind of letting it swing open?

Yeah, you gotta read up on that story.

You simply must.

I do not know how to read, Scott.

To be in polite society these days, you have to read up on that story.

Come, I can't be doing that.

I'm in the gardens doing all the gardening, Scott.

Yeah.

How are you liking your garden so far?

I mean, you know,

other than the shapes that you've been cutting all the plants in.

I mean, what's my butt?

Yeah, is that what it was?

Yeah.

It's a butt, and then there's two hands sort of spreading them open.

Yeah, turn around.

Oh, yeah, that's it.

I'm doing like the Ace Ventura thing where he talks about his.

He talks out of his butt.

Yeah, it's a little strange.

Everyone thinks that Jim Carrey lives where I live, first of all.

And then they ring the doorbell, expecting me to come out in the mask or whatever and say, smoking.

Yeah.

Did you know that Sonic 2 is going to be his last movie?

Yeah, I heard something about that.

Why is everybody screaming?

I thought he was back in action, you know, bringing out the old Looney Tunes.

Yes, Looney Tunes back in action.

One of the great

returns cartoons.

Like Space Jam, a new legacy.

From Space Jam a new legacy to...

Here we go.

He's doing it.

He's ramping up.

Do it.

Do it to the family guy on Cartoon Network in the early 2000s.

Wow, he pulled it off.

Son of a bitch.

That bitch did it.

That son of a bitch.

I want to talk about the slap, Scott.

Oh, okay, sure.

What do you got?

Wasn't that crazy when Will Smith slapped him?

That's all you wanted to say about it?

Yeah, I just feel like...

You know, you come come in with a take about it.

I remember you.

You emailed every podcaster trying to get on a podcast the week after a slap.

I was shut down.

But that's all you had to say?

Yes.

Because it was crazy?

Well, I personally am glad to hear someone else thought that was unusual.

Isn't it crazy?

I couldn't believe it.

I feel like in memorial to that slap, I will be cutting a bush in the shape of Chris Rock's surprised face.

Okay.

Did you like that bush, Scott?

He didn't, to be honest, all the stills you see, he doesn't look surprised.

He looks just more like, ah!

Yeah, when I watched it, I was like, okay, this is a weird bit they worked out before the show.

But then it seemed like it wasn't.

Yeah, I don't know.

It seems a little late to be talking about this.

What do you mean, a little late?

Did it happen like a month ago?

It did?

I was just catching up all my TiVo stuff.

Really?

You had this on TiVo?

Yes, well, it's hard because I tape four Family Feud episodes a day.

Oh, yeah.

And I got to watch all those every night.

So to catch up on Family Feud, then I get to watch stuff like the audience.

Do you fast forward through the commercials?

That saves a lot of time.

Oh, no, I watch them in half speed.

Half speed?

Yeah,

it's fun to see Milana Veyantraub or whatever at all them

commercials.

Talking really low, and she's just like, Oh, well, don't you know we all get the best deals?

And I, you know, that's what you're into.

I'm into the slow commercial.

Well, you're a weird gardener.

What the fuck are you talking about?

But I have a question for you.

Every time I come to Scott's house and I am in the backyard tanning,

you said that pretty weird.

You be out there ten, and I see.

Sing your song.

I always hear little kids nearby somewhere screaming their fucking head off.

Oh, yeah.

Is that you?

No, that's my kids.

I lock them in the truck as I work, and they basically are screaming, daddy, put the window down, daddy, put the window down.

Oh, so you know, lower the window.

No, no, no, no.

I want them to get good at being hot.

It's a very important for our climate change.

It's an important skill, yeah.

If you're gonna be taking over the family business, you gotta be hot because it is hot in your yard.

So leave your kids in your your car with all the windows rolled out and that'll train them for upcoming climate change.

That's right.

Also, do not forget that I am fucking a Venus flytrap.

Yeah, no, that's very important.

And you only eat human flesh.

Let's see.

What else do I have?

You got anything else?

Yeah, anything else?

You ever make a pasta, a stuffed pasta with a human flesh inside?

Yeah, because we have someone dying in the bathroom right now.

Now, I don't know anything about pasta.

You should have maybe asked those questions a little bit earlier.

Yeah.

Do you want to ask me about a flower?

Sure.

What do you think of the lily flower?

So beautiful.

The lily flower.

It's everybody loves it.

It's hard to spell.

I got to say, when you look at the actual genus name of the lily flower and you try to type it in, it's just like L-I-L-L-Y-I-L.

L-I-L-Y-Y-I-L-Y.

That shit doesn't make any sense.

So it's kind of my least favorite flower.

Hey, I got a question.

All right, BCB.

How do you feel about the corpse flower?

It's the famous flower that blooms very rarely, but when it does, it smells like human flesh rotting.

Good or

is that what got you into tasting the human flesh?

No.

Oh.

Idiot.

I'm sorry for that.

It's a weird question.

I feel like BCB was asking me an actual question that you had to call me with some bullshit.

I came in liking you, but now I feel like I'm getting invited here than anybody else.

What a ghost is supposed to do here.

You're supposed to deflect all this at you.

I can deflect it.

I can deflect it.

I can deflect it.

I got a new character.

I'm going to play the dick-sucking Venus flytrap, though.

That's pretty good.

I don't know.

No, no, I think it's good.

I like that.

Okay.

Fuck my man.

No.

I got to say.

Please, I see you gardening.

Will you fuck my man?

I gotta say, that's a Daryl Hammond level impression of the Venus Flytrap.

Oh, no.

Yeah, let me have it.

I'm the throat coach.

This thing is a keeper, I gotta say.

Venus flytrap, or is that Fart Simpson you're talking to now?

Fert Simpson,

the best character in all of Fox animation history.

But enough about that.

Give me your card.

I'm the throat goat might be the best catchphrase at CBV history.

That's all I got, Scott.

Yeah, I don't know.

I really should.

Fart Simpson.

Did Fart Simpson come on?

I did a name.

Yeah, Fart Fimpson.

Is that the name of the Venus Flytrap that wants to get mouth fucked?

I can't.

His name is Fart Fimpson.

I'm asking you.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

See, this is the kind of next level stuff.

The Venus flytrap wants to get mouthfucked.

His name is Bart Fimpson.

Hold on, something over there.

Hold on, let me get that.

Stop.

No!

I gotta get it, Stop.

Sorry, it's just important I get the leaves because it's important that leaves cannot be on the ground.

Yeah,

as well as pants.

We don't want those on the ground either.

I say, drop those pants.

I'll blow something harder than that.

I'm loving this.

Chump, chump.

Gary the Gardner.

Yeah, Scotty.

Can you stick around?

We have one more guest.

Yeah, I think I can stick around, Scott.

And maybe I'll come up with a couple more things.

Okay, great.

Stick around, too.

Okay, we have one more.

Come on, everyone, stick around.

What do you say?

One more thing.

Let me look at the dog.

So rude to leave.

Let me look at my dog.

He's a punk rocker.

Does that

entice you at all?

I like that.

A fellow entertainer.

Yeah, let's

get strong.

And then, by the way, you'll get to plug things if you stick around.

So that's my golden.

I got something to plug.

My mo.

Okay.

This scared me.

You fucking don't have to stick around.

Talk about a CBB presents.

Let's bring him on.

He's a punk rocker.

He's never been on the show before.

Please welcome Keith Stanley.

Hello, everyone.

Oh, Keith Stanley.

I'm a punk rocker.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Hello.

Oh, no.

I'm liking this guy's attitude.

He's terrific.

No, no.

Sorry, I'll be waiting for two.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

He's all good.

What's going on, everyone?

Let's rock.

Oh, no.

Let's get punk rock, everyone.

Tear down the system.

No, no.

Holy shit.

This guy's sick as hell.

What's going on, Scott?

Hi, Keith.

Is that all your TikTok?

Or this real?

Yeah, this is my real voice.

No last-minute auto-adjustment.

This is my actual voice.

Good to see you.

Very authentic, and it will sustain.

Hell yeah.

My name's Keith, everyone.

Keith from the UK, I would imagine.

He's correct.

Or it's spelled on me birth certificate with a T-H.

But everyone call me Keith and I'll roll with it.

That's the punkiest shit I ever heard in my life.

Oh, it's very punk.

Birth certificate's a man.

Tear it down.

Turn down the birth certificate.

There's birth certificate in front of us.

I brought it.

And it's

turning your volume down, sculpt.

For everyone?

Really?

Wow, interesting.

Not very mean, no.

Oh.

No, I see you turning your volume down.

Oh, no, I am turning my volume down.

Too much punk rock for you.

Yeah.

Well, it's not that it's too punk, it's maybe too loud.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

But distinction.

Yeah, so now

you play punk music or you listen to it.

I'll listen to it, I'll play it, I'll breathe it.

So he does all of it.

Wow.

Anything but punk rock music, man, that's my jam.

I'm a bass player primarily, but I'll play anything a punk band needs.

I'll play a drum, I'll play a guitar, or play a, you know, a noise rock sort of synthesizer augmenting.

You got it?

Yeah, no, yeah, any of the instruments.

Do I know any of your songs keith no i'll refuse to release them publicly if you want my music you gotta buy it right out of me hands or press it only on old 78 speed acetate okay let's see the victroller to play more music that's pretty punk rock

come to me i've got a toyota celica champagne coloured toyota selica come find me after me show i'll send it to you right out of my trunk and that's the only way to hear more

music wow are you part of the great punk rock movement we were promised would come out of the Trump administration?

Some great

protest songs that we're talking about.

Are you a writer for Atlantic magazine?

Are you a think piece?

Are you?

No, I'm a fellow entertainer.

Oh, what's your medium?

Big chunky bubbles.

Good for you, mate.

You guys should team up and do shows together.

I love big chunky bubbles.

You have such similar energy.

Because the man and the system has little tiny smooth bubbles.

Exactly.

And punk rock rock bubbles are big and chunky and they smell like tomato-based.

You get me.

I feel like I want to join this band too.

You're in.

I play a one-note instrument that just kind of plays.

Why?

Because it is super loud.

So he replaces it.

You want to hear it?

Okay, you asked for it.

Here we go.

Two, three, four.

Yeah.

Take that, the man.

Burn down our system.

Wow, we wrote a song almost instantaneously.

So

what's going on?

Do you have a real job as well?

Yeah, I'll do every day job.

Thank you for asking.

Yeah, where do you work?

I'm a town planner for Ridge Field, Connecticut.

I'm in charge of overseeing zoning, commercial, residential, protecting a two-acre zone that the rich folks like.

Okay, so you're protecting the interests of the rich people.

They drive me mad.

And that's why I need to express myself at night with my punk rock music.

Right, how many hours a week, though, are you doing your normal job?

On day job, 60 to 70 hours.

60 to 70 a week, wow.

Sneak out at the end and put on a cool 45 minutes at the punk rock club.

Right.

And I'll stick it to the man.

Something fierce.

So I should maybe describe you more as like a zoning

guy.

I'm a punk rocker.

I'm a rocker.

I'm a punk rocker.

Town planning's merely an avocation.

And by the way, you're from Connecticut?

That's correct.

Fairfield County, Connecticut.

The most rich and austere of the Connecticut counties.

So I'll ask you a city planning question?

Of course, but I won't pretend to like it.

Okay, so I'm a big national parks guy.

Sure, who isn't?

Why don't we have more national parks in the middle of cities?

What an insane question, mate.

What are you saying?

We should set up a nature preserve in the middle of a commercial zone.

You'll plummet the economy.

You need sidewalks, mate, and buses.

That's the heart of any good civic planning.

This dude's making a lot of money.

He's a commercial planner.

He's not a punk rocker.

I'm a punk rocker.

That's not very good.

I'll tell you this about national parks, mate.

They're lovely, but they're sort of a bit woke.

You know what I mean?

They're performing.

I don't know.

Who hates the woke?

Everyone, raise their hands.

Who hates the wonderful woman?

I hate you, David.

I hate walking.

I like to call them wokes like John Cleese does.

Yeah.

The woking dead is what I call them.

Right?

Yeah.

That's right.

So, you know, the wokeies,

the woking dead, they like.

You're having having trouble with the accent, aren't you?

It's more real voice.

I've had it since you're on the phone.

You're from Connecticut.

You admit it.

He admitted.

Yeah, I'm from Connecticut.

But punk rock is so strong in me, Marrow.

When did you start talking like this?

Always score.

What was the first punk rock record you ever heard?

Yes, end this accusation.

What was the first punk rock record you ever heard?

That I ever heard.

Yeah, and when was this?

Basket case by Green Day this morning.

So you just heard

song Green Day

naming their album Dookie or punk rock moves.

So you haven't played any shows.

Yes, I have.

I did today.

You did this afternoon?

You played a punk show like a matte?

I played a punk rock show, a matinee outside in the parking lot of your town planning office.

Did you get the right permits for this?

Uh-uh!

No way!

I did fill him out out of habit, and then I tore them.

At the last second, I strapped on my bass.

I said, fuck you, rich fool.

Can I ask you a question?

How did you talk yesterday?

I did this.

Like this, let's say.

What's all this focus on my voice?

It just is so ridiculous.

It's very real.

Okay, I beg your pardon.

I beg your pardon.

I've never had a more real voice in my life.

So you listened to Basket Case this morning.

The rest of the album?

No, no, just that one song.

I would have a CD, right, and an old Wachman, and I put it in, and it started skipping on track two.

So I couldn't finish, but I was like, I don't need any more.

Okay, so you listened to the one song and you said, I like this lifestyle so much.

I'm going to play, I'm going to tear up these permits that I made myself right.

Well, just out of habit, you know, filled out the paperwork, out of habit.

I filled out the permits for a punk rock show in the pocket.

So do you think I don't need this?

Do you think this is going to

stick with you?

Yeah.

Have you done this with other types of music in the past?

I mean, are you kind of a community?

Yeah, I've had a bit of a couple of phases.

Yeah, like what?

Oh, I was a bit Led zeppelin fan last week oh really which what was your favorite song or did you only hear one i only heard a whole lot of love really

was it a dodge commercial that you heard it in yeah it was a dodge commercial

and my favorite commercial jingle writer was led zeppelin

you were in the market to buy a dodge i've been looking for a good dodge for quite a while

what's that i said don't get rid of the silica but i stepped on your thunder no it's all right i appreciate you keeping track of me.

Continuity, mate.

You can buy a Dodge at Bed Better Beyond it, the Beyond section.

Really?

You can buy cars?

Yes, you can buy cars.

It's very punk rock.

It's a very punk rock.

I don't think that's punk rock.

It's very punk rock.

It's punk rock about it.

It's commercialism.

Punk rock's relative to the base.

So if the base is bed and bath, and then you've got a dodge truck, that's punk rock.

That's a big corporation selling something.

How is that?

All you've got to do is break expectations.

If you go into lots, if you went into the 1970s, right?

New York City went to CBGB's and in the back there was a stockbroker what do you think CBGB's is I think it's a deli

so what does the C stand for capa what is it

Capicoli yeah the C and the B is Gabba Goo

the same thing

if you went in the back of a CBGB deli

and it's punk rock and there's a stockbroker he's punk rock when he's in there okay because you know to be mainstream it's sort of like Paul McCartney's the most punk rock of the Beatles.

Oh, really?

Because he sort of dares to be square, you know?

You know, John Lennon, it's easy to be cool.

It's easy to be cool because you're not.

What?

Wow, you've reacted so strongly.

That is insane.

Do people

have a pink mohawk?

Yes, I assume.

How do you walk down the street and survey everyone?

What did your bosses think when you got this pink mohawk today?

They paid me little mind.

Yeah, I wouldn't really call it.

I felt they were stunningly ignoring you.

I wouldn't really call it a pink mohawk.

It just just looks like you used your hands and pulled your hair to a point.

And your hair is thinning pretty bad.

I smeared my remaining hair into a midsection and tell me it's not pink.

You can't tell me it's not pink.

I mean, your whole, the top of your head is pink.

I'm about sunburned.

I grabbed.

I grabbed, yeah.

I did sunburn me out.

So I think people just thought your entire thing is your sunburn.

I don't think so.

I took a can of bright pink spray paint, sprayed the middle, my little comb over,

and it is bright bright pink

yeah it's a little larry David God bless him what are you wearing a khaki pants it looks khaki pants and apollo blue polo yeah polo under now how is that pump depends where you are mate you know if you if you walking down you know uh Soho of London in like 70s what do you think soho is i think soho sort of um i think it's um what does it stand for i think it stands for so

open

um

hetero

Okay, no, it's decidedly not that homebreys.

So open that.

Why are you very progressive, heterosexual men?

Me and my friends call each other when we're rolling down the street.

So open, hetero, homebreys.

Hey, soho.

Hey, no, soho.

But listen, why is everyone attacking this gentleman?

He's an entertainer.

He's living his truth.

Leave him alone.

Yeah, I feel like everyone's trying to tell me that I'm not a real punk rocker.

No,

I think you are, and I think Finn Bethan Beyond is also a very punk rock.

I mean the Beyond section definitely is punk rock.

What about the bed section?

The bed's not.

The bed section.

Going to sleep isn't punk?

I don't think so.

Not a bed, Beth, and Beyond.

Being awake isn't punk, I'll tell you that much.

It depends where you are, Scott.

If you're in the middle of a New York marathon and you went to sleep, that's punk rock, brother.

That makes sense.

It is true.

But, you know, and if you

want staying awake to be punk rock, you'd have to go to a sleeping, a protest where everyone's sleeping for peace and you stay awake.

That's punk rock, brother.

I gotta be honest.

When you started, I feel like you were screaming.

Now you're kind of working.

You are just running out of steam.

Got to a whisper almost.

The way you're describing punk rock to me, it sounds like just not, it sounds like being annoying.

You're an opposite.

Just a contrary individual.

I feel more of a libertarian than a punk rocker.

That's not true.

What do you think about taxes?

I hate them.

Oh, that's John Lennon.

No, that's George Harrison.

George Harrison.

He's very punk rock.

So you're like the libertarian that we all work with at the office who just wants to talk to you about libertarianism at lunch.

I disagree.

Me and the rest of me, Ron Paul fans.

I love Ron Paul, but not for his libertarianism.

Oh, what do you like about him?

Two first names.

Two first names great.

And one of them.

Paul McCartney.

That's right.

The most punk rock of the beatoo.

Who's the most punk rock comedian?

Bill Maher?

That's a great pick, but I feel.

He makes too many rules.

I think they're new.

They're new.

Ricky Gervais breaks them.

Oh, my gosh.

He breaks the rules that Bill Maher.

You never know what he's going to say.

He tells rich people they're cool.

Then he tells handsome people they're cool.

You never know.

He's kissing the ass of the popular and the rich.

How, punk rock.

I think there's a lot of people who are.

I don't think you've ever seen.

You've never seen Ricky Gervais bit.

I've switched to channels and seen him and I'm flipping by.

When you're looking for those Dodge commercials to watch.

Oh, I wish I could find a good Dodge.

You gotta go to iSpot.tv.

Why?

It's a website where you can see every commercial.

You search Dodge.

Oh, you're doing plugs early.

I'd like to plug iSpot.tv.

Now,

if you've shot a commercial and want to know if you're getting paid properly, you've got to start an account there.

Is it one of the great websites?

This is bleak.

Oh, my God, iSpot.tv, one of the great websites from redtube.com to guru.com.

Stick your premium.

Oh.

I feel the most.

I know you're trying to wrap up.

Yeah, would it surprise you to know that I'm

trying to sandman you off the stage in this?

You're trying to wrap up, so the punk rock thing to do is to really stop that from happening.

There's nothing more punk rock than being told to get off the stage.

You validate me.

Boo, boo, you suck.

I love it.

You suck.

Why did punk rock show The Apollo?

Time to the Apollo.

If you went to the Apollo

the punk rock show would be so punk rock.

Oh, my gosh.

Well, it's great to meet you,

Keith.

I tell you, this is the returning character.

This guy is.

He's got to come back.

Don't forget the throat goat himself.

The throat goat, right over here.

Spunk rock.

Give me that punk goat.

Oh, yeah.

More like

spunk rock, right?

Spunk rock.

Make the t-shirt.

The t-shirt's in production now.

All right, guys.

Well, we are running out of time.

I'm so sorry to cut you shorts, Keith.

Cut your shorts.

Cut my shorts.

Fart for Simpson.

We only have time for one final thing on the show, and that is a little something called plugs.

Yes, acting all.

I don't have a headphone.

Oh, yes, that was Evil Step Twin with Prince of Plugs.

Thank you to Evil Step Twin.

Yeah, that was terrific.

Oh, you liked it.

Oh, okay, interesting.

That's not a slam mode.

I don't feel.

My taste is supreme.

All right.

Well, I want to say I have a very exciting plug coming up, but I want to save that for the very end.

You're retiring.

Throw it down!

It donkey bubbles, the roast of the century dance episode!

One of the great roasts?

One of the great roasts!

From, of course, rest in peace, the aristocrats, Gilbert Godfrey, to Don Rickles making fun of black people and Asians.

Well, Bill, is there anything that you want to plug?

Well, I suppose I'd rather have 43 eyes.

Oh, no, no, no, no, we're not doing Would You Rather?

No, no.

Oh, fuck.

This is plugs.

This is a different segment.

When's this coming out?

Bring that back.

So I would like to plug.

If you go to biggrandewebsite.com, I believe at this point you'll be able to buy

live improv shows from the group Big Grande.

The whole premise of these shows is that they are fully production design,

full hair and makeup, but none of the improvisers knew what the set or the other characters were going to look like till they stepped on stage.

That is a 30-minute episode.

You can watch one of them for free and then buy the rest if you like them.

All right.

That's at BigGrandewebsite.com.

Is that right?

Okay, fantastic.

You said that in one of the great websites thing earlier.

Yeah, that's true.

I've never seen such remorse from a person.

Really?

You're in tears.

You're really mad at yourself.

You suck down onto one knee like Colin Kaeperdick.

You were crying.

I'm protesting my own students.

BCB, PD Amin, what do you want to plug here?

Well, I've started archiving my shows.

I unfortunately don't have my own domain.

It's been stolen from me.

Oh, no.

Someone took BigChunkyBubbles.chunk?

Or what are they doing?

BigChunkyBubbles.chunk.

Great domain.

There's some company that makes peanut butter out of soap, and they were like, hooray.

Aww.

So go to paulftompkins.com slash live where you can see all of my erotic bubble shows.

Oh, fantastic.

I'm going to go there right now.

And Francesca, what would you want to plug?

Okay, so first I'd like to plug Italy, the the store slash restaurant.

And I would also like to plug,

this book changed my life on CBB Prosenta.

And,

oh, a show called Killing It on Peacock.

Oh, yeah, we just talked about that last week.

Yes, we did.

With Claudia.

Claudia.

Claudia.

And then finally,

oh, L-I-L-Y-Y-I-L-O-Y.

You're speaking gibberish right now.

I have no idea what you're saying.

All right,

move on to

Richie Castlebaum or whoever you're playing right now.

Yeah, I'm back to my

kids sustained Farkas.

You burned hot.

Like Icarus, you flew too close to the sun.

I'll plug the first one.

He should be famous for something else.

You know what I mean?

Like, that's the only thing we think of.

He was in prison with his dad.

That's the first thing, right?

Eternals.

Okay.

All right.

That's true.

Fair.

The Nintendo game.

Okay.

Okay.

You're right.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'll plug the first two seasons of Righteous Gemstones on HBO Max.

Only the first two?

Yeah, just the first two.

People should stop watching after that?

Yeah, stop watching.

Yeah.

Wow, way to show that you haven't watched any of it because there's only I know there's only two, but people are listening to this in the future.

Oh, sure.

Yeah.

Okay.

In three years from now, please watch more seasons of Righteous Gemini.

What if it's like the future people from AI?

Oh, where they're just like these silvery ghost people.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

You've sunk down to one knee again.

I think I got nosed.

You fucked my mind and my

so he's back.

And listen to Hey Randy on cbbworld.com.

Oh yeah, that's a good show.

All right.

And Gary the Gardener, what do you want to play?

Also, I did the gardening for a television show on Hulu called Woke.

We were talking about it earlier.

We were talking about that word, yes.

We were talking about it.

It's called Woke.

It's not the Woke.

It's kind of family woke.

It's a fun show with Lamor and Morris and a bunch of other people.

It's very fun.

And also, I listened to this podcast called Scott Hasn't Seed.

Oh, I've heard.

Yeah, yeah.

I think I'm on it, actually.

Are you?

I'm the titular Scott.

Really?

Because you're much more interesting on that show.

Oh, I mean, yeah.

I feel like you're going to be able to get a lot of chill.

You might talk about your life in a real way.

Yeah, I take a back seat to that.

And this Sprague guy, I got to say, I love this guy.

Yeah, speaking of fake accents.

I mean, nothing, sir.

Hold on, Scorch.

What are you saying about me?

Sprague!

We're about to record an episode in here.

Sprague!

I'm sorry, Sprague.

Yeah, I know.

I'm doing back-to-back episodes.

You're out of your goddamn mind.

Meaning we're back-to-back while we record it.

Yeah, then we're going to take 10 paces and then turn around and shoot.

Pod!

Anyways, I'm out of here.

All right, Scott, so that's all I wanted to plug.

Thank you.

Okay, great.

Gary the Gardner and Keith Stanley, what do you want to plug?

Hello.

Oh, I've got two things to plug.

Hold on.

What's this accent up here, you can read?

Spray.

Spray.

Judging.

What do you think?

What do you think?

To be honest, it's one of the greatest accents I've ever heard in my life.

You're sounding a little more like him than you are in the world.

great accents of all time from

Oscar Isaac on the show, Moon Knight.

To that one above the O in Motley Cruise.

Yes.

All right, well, I'm out of here.

Throw it down, yes, sir.

That was more of an umod, I guess.

Did someone mention Moon Knight?

Our Oscar Isaac is here.

Stephen Grant.

It's me, Stephen Grant.

How did I get here?

I woke up.

Last thing I remember was falling asleep at a museum, Immeet.

Hi, Stephen.

You missed the date.

We had a nice date planned two nights ago.

I'm sorry, I don't know what happened.

Hey, look, Gary, if you haven't watched yet, you can't be fucking with those spoilers.

Did you want to plug something, Keith?

I'll forget.

Oh, yeah.

Old plugger, you can't handle the sleuths.

That's also a CBB presents with a brilliant comedian named Will Hines.

And also a second bulkcast he does called Screw It.

We're just going to talk about comics.

Now, Scott, I don't know if you've got any comic book fans in your audience.

I think, yeah, I think

this podcast where two brothers talk about comic books.

Is the brothers part of it?

Is that important to the podcast?

Not really, but it's the closest we have to a hook they have.

You know, I do the gardening for Will Hines.

Kevin Spacey, O.J.

Simpson.

Scott Arkansas.

He's a deplorable and appalling human being.

All right.

But a comic book authority.

Bye-bye.

All right.

And now, I want to plug.

I said I had a very exciting plug.

Guys,

the comedy bang bang tour is coming.

I am announcing it here.

All of.

That's right.

Scream.

And also, I'll plug CBBworld.com.

A lot of great shows over there, including we just did a CBB FM with Weird El Yankovic.

All right, let's close up the old plug back.

Really dropped that name there.

I mean, he was on the show, I'm plugging.

No, sure.

Say it again.

Oh, story punk.

Kind of punk.

Take one hand, put

it up,

take the other,

put

it down.

You're gonna

make

a box.

It's time to start to close it.

Hold it up

and

I hope it's the hoe song because

I know it's still going.

It's important to get the guitar so

wonderful.

That was Say It Ain't Plugs by Josh Goodman.

Thank you so much to Josh.

And guys, I want to thank you so much.

I really appreciate everyone coming by.

Even you, Big Chunky.

Go to hell.

From what I'm told, I will be.

So that'll make you happy.

And of course, before we close up the show, we want to hear one last song from our friends and stars.

Happy anniversary, Scott.

Happy anniversary.

Here we go.

What's become of you in the bed?

Painted the walls with all those pretty things you said.

I was the girl, you were the one.

We were certain it would go on.

When we were happy, hopping to the stars.

We said goodbye to the dyeballs.

That gived foyer unfolded.

We were rockolers.

We were the best of the pretenders.

All our best and be young forever.

Turn your face towards the sun.

Because the skies are a hundred shades of green.

I don't recognize that face.

Was it her, and did she read that place?

When we were happy, hopping to stars,

we said goodbye to the dying boys.

That killed it for a day unfolding.

We were rock-a fellas,

We were the best of the pretenders.

Or our best will be young forever.

When we were happy, hopping to

set the card to the diaphragms.

That gives Fourier unfolding.

Yeah, we were rocket friends.

We were the best of the pretenders.

On our bets on being young forever.

We made our bets.

We made our bets

on being young

forever.

We made our beds.

We made our best.

And we don't

forever.

All right, that's it.

Thanks, everyone.

We'll see you in the next 13 years.

Bye.

Discover Terra Madre Americas, one of the world's most exciting food events.

Coming to Northern California for the first time this September 26th through 28th, dig into good, clean, and fair food for all with chefs Alice Waters, Sean Sherman, and Jeremiah Tower.

Hear music from The War on Drugs, Spoon, Big Head Todd and the Monsters, Jade Bird, and Passion Pit Solo Acoustics.

Savor the journey of Terra Madre Americas, only in Sacramento.

Details on Terra Madreusa.com.

Terra Madre Americas is supported by Sacramento International Airport and brought to you by Slow Food and Visit Sacramento.

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