Ladies and Gentlemen, Jelly Roll (Hannah Einbinder, Carl Tart, Talia Tabin)

1h 14m
Hannah Einbinder is back this week to discuss name pronunciation, her love of Eagles football, and "Hacks" returning for its fourth season. Then, Deion Sanders (shoutout to Shaboozey) returns to clap his hands, stomp his feet, and talk about "Step by Step." Finally, psychic Abby Spot joins to talk about her past experience as a dog. #DeionOnHacks

Listen and follow along

Transcript

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I see London, I see France.

I see your house on Google Maps.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Thanks to Dick Michelob for that catchphrase submission.

Dick Michelob, it's pretty catchy.

Other than saying Google, Google is so hard to pronounce, isn't it?

I'm going to talk to our guest of honor.

Yes.

Try to say Google if you don't mind.

Okay, here I go.

Google.

Yeah.

Not bad.

You really stress the L.

Yeah.

Google.

But, you know, isolating Google is one thing.

Saying it in a sentence, you know, it's like kind of...

Say, I see London, I see France.

I see your house on Google Maps.

I see London, I see France.

I see your house on Google Maps.

That is a Bachelor of Fine Arts

for you.

That's what it gets you.

Absolutely.

Well, we did some vocal warm-ups and exercises before we got on Mike.

Of course.

So that's what that was for.

What was your warm-up?

Did you have to craft a warm-up?

And I'll introduce you in a second.

By all means.

And what did you do in your warm-up?

Did you speak the speech, I pray

you, as it comes trippingly off the tongue.

I sort of would do Scott Ackerman.

Scott Scott.

So even before you knew me, you knew to mispronounce my last name, first of all.

Ackerman?

Do your own research.

Wait.

Like I do with the vaccines.

Wait, what?

Ackerman is

how it's pronounced, but that's okay.

We know each other a bit socially.

We've been to one party together.

Not together, even to one party.

We went to one party at the same time.

Had a 30-second interaction.

That you regretted, from what I can tell.

And you don't remember, which is pretty much the story of my life.

And by the way, it's like,

there's a possibility that at one time I did know what the A was doing in your last name.

But one thing you can guarantee with me is that I will forget.

That's okay.

I'm going to try to pronounce you.

I actually was going over it this morning saying, do I have it right?

By the way, and that's because because I am Einbinder, I know Those things don't, those, oh, Hannah's what's getting on.

Well, you can't tell if it was Hannah, or Hannah.

Wow, that you'd be the first to be thrown by the first name, actually, which is impressive.

You're a Trailblazer.

Well, let's introduce you.

She, of course,

plays,

I'm going to say Ava.

Is it Ava?

Ava.

She was Ava, Voyager,

on the Hit Show Hacks,

which is returning to Max.

Is it on HBO proper as well?

You know, who could ever really know?

Who knows with these conglomerates these days what comes out where.

Yeah.

But it's returning for a fourth season

on April 10th, wet day, of course.

We'll talk about that.

Please welcome back to the show, Hana Einbinder.

Hello.

Hello, friend.

Hello.

This is my third time on here.

Welcome to the third time.

Three-timers club.

The three-timers club.

Who's the highest highest number of times on here?

I couldn't even tell you the highest number.

All I can tell you is the more you're on, the worse your career seems to be doing.

Because the one-timers club is where you want to be.

That's Paul Rudd.

That's Ben Stiller.

That's Childish Gambino himself.

Then the more you're on, just the more available you are.

Totally.

Unfortunately.

I have to be so honest with you.

I really despise a podcast, but I just can't quit you.

This one you love.

I tell you, each time we reach out to your people,

uh, and you have so many people, a lot, but each time we reach out to your people to see if you'd like to be on, I get back a response of, She's incredibly busy.

I doubt this will work out.

And then within 12 hours, you say yes, which is all which I assume is coming from you personally, which is always very nice because I love it, and it's so fun.

And you always have awesome, amazing people on, and I love to hang.

Wonderful.

Well, let's get to your career.

Uh, sure.

Turn the spotlight away from the strong word for it, but

let's talk about uh, uh, first of all, I mentioned wet Day.

Hacks comes out on Wet Day.

And what could that, what is that?

It's a holiday, of course.

It's not national yet, but we're trying to make it national holiday.

It's April 10th.

So it lands squarely on wet day.

Is there going to be any sort of nod to that in the show?

Are you going to be drenched at any point in the premiere?

Wet Day is a holiday for being

moist.

Yeah, where people get as wet as they can possibly be.

And

where's this coming from, I wonder?

Well, Paul F.

Tompkins and and I created it maybe four years ago, and we celebrate it every year, and we're trying to get, yes, wet day.

So I believe the reasoning behind it is people get drenched in practical jokes on April 1st, and then they have nine days to dry off, and then they want to be wet again.

Oh, my God, I love that.

You know, I will run it up the corporate ladder.

Please.

I'll see if we can do kind of an activation around that.

That would be really nice.

Let's do some reshoots too

for the premiere.

We'll go back and

we'll get a little nod in there.

That's great.

Hacks this year,

of course, we all saw season three where it ended with

what's her name?

Deborah.

Yeah.

Doing the unthinkable and not giving you the job that you wanted,

but still keeping you on staff.

Yeah.

And then you turning around and blackmailing her ass.

Get her ass.

Get her.

Ava.

Yeah.

And you're now the head writer on her late night night show.

So I presume this season takes place within the late night wars.

That's right.

That's right.

We've got cue cards.

We've got pet cams.

Cue card fans, you're covered.

You are being served, okay?

Representation matters, and we are here for you.

I mean, the amount of cue cards in this fucking season.

Really?

Yeah.

Two?

More.

More?

Three.

A lot of get, you know, we could do some montages.

I don't want to spoil anything, but the cue cards are heavily funny.

Montages.

Really?

So it's like.

Your time is now.

Deborah giving the monologue and then cutting to the cue card guy, just like it's Ava going, no, no, no, we're going to change that because we had a rewrite on it.

Oh, sorry, you got to make that bigger.

You know, it's just like kind of cue card business.

We got a lot of that.

Did you have to do any research in like how to be a late-night writer on this?

Did you like shadow the writers at SNL?

Oh, God.

I didn't.

Yeah.

I didn't.

Just pretty much read the lines.

I did, yeah.

I would memorize the lines and say them aloud.

That's kind of my potential.

That's your stocking trade.

Yeah.

Yeah.

If you're if you're hiring a Hannah on by endeavour, she's going to read those lines.

You're going to memorize them the day of or the day before?

Oh, I actually, in all seriousness, I actually do try to be off-book for

the entire week.

I believe that we talked about this on your last appearance.

Don't you try to kind of, when you get the scripts for the entire season, you just try to like...

I try to go through, because you know what?

It's just, you know,

the shooting schedule is pretty tough on my body.

I'm fragile.

Really?

In what manner?

Like, you have to get up early at the end?

Well, I would say, well, you know, I'm there five days a week, and typically the days are.

Like a job?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which is tough, obviously, on the spirit and soul.

Capitalism hopefully is on its way out, and that'll go with it.

Hopefully, that would be so great, where like you could just show up to your acting job and get the wage that everyone else gets.

Yeah, of course.

And stand in line for the bread

on the weekends.

Yes.

Well, you know,

it's 13 hours pretty much.

That's the part that people don't know about is shooting.

There's this phrase that I came up with when it comes to shooting television and film.

And it's hurry up and also wait.

Yes.

And

it takes a long time and you're sitting around and not just sitting around if it's a fast-moving crew, you're shooting a lot.

How many pages you do in a day?

Oh my God, who could even know?

I mean, we're all over the place.

We're episode three, episode four, episode six.

So you block shoot?

Sometimes.

Do you have different directors coming in like at different points in the day because they're doing episodes or do you try to, you know what I'm saying?

Sometimes, but typically it's just Paul and Lucia.

Oh, they're directing most of the season.

They direct most of the season, and then we'll have like a guest director.

Who's doing it this year?

Martin Scorsese.

I don't know if they've announced it yet, actually.

Oh, really?

Okay.

I'd love to break it on this show.

So go ahead.

Okay.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, it's fine.

Oh, okay.

Apparently, Hannah is giving me the slashing her throat signal thing.

She can't do it.

Apparently,

she'll go against her people by being on this show, but that's as far as it goes.

So

does the entire season kind of take place in this?

I mean, at this point, you started off as in the series, you started off as a lowly comedy writer who couldn't get a job.

And then now you're at the top of your profession.

You're the head writer of a late night show.

Is that just the first episode and then the show gets canceled or does the whole season take place?

Well,

yeah, there is an adversarial sort of dynamic at play between Ava and Deborah throughout a good chunk of the season.

So that's...

Because you guys have been adversaries in some seasons.

You've been tighter than tight in others.

And it looked like you were the tightest at the end of season three, and then she pulled the old switcheroo.

She did.

She absolutely betrayed me.

And

there will be hell to pay.

Really?

And don't take the insecurity in my voice for any sort of that.

It's going to be.

Do you ever raise your voice to her?

You know, I do, which is hard for me because I'm pretty much

ill.

I'm yeah, that's kind of my vibe.

Callie, Callie running through my veins.

Callie, speaking of which, I want to get to, we've talked about hacks enough.

Yeah, uh, I want it's it's out on April 10th.

I want to talk about your Wikipedia page.

Uh-oh.

Um,

because we have, of course, the aforementioned uh Bachelor, or do you call it a Bachelorette of Fine Arts when you've gotten it?

How dare you!

How fucking dare you?

Uh, we have uh a website

that I clicked on.

Uh-oh.

HannahEinbinder.com.

Yeah.

There is one

section, home.

And there are approximately four pictures on it.

I think, you know, back in

my early days when I had a bunch of shows around town and touring dates, I needed

a domain.

And, you know, my dad was an early Apple nerd.

And so he would go to Mac World.

And, you know, his email, I can't say it, but it's pretty simple it's one of the simple at mac.com emails that really like jim at mac.com i wouldn't go that far but it's it's close it's in that range so because i'm not seeing his uh his name on your uh

oh here he is yes i got it he he he he made that that that uh website for me very very young so it's i mean the pictures are gorgeous not that anyone's gonna take hanna einbinder.com but make sure you reserve that um we also have okay so i'm gonna skip down to uh personal life uh oh there's three things okay

no sorry four four things you reside in los angeles california that's a fact and i hope to die here not specific enough for me yeah reside is a problem no reside reside is good because i i love to hear that you reside somewhere that you're not just living somewhere i can't i can't help but reside actually that's a problem los angeles is too big like i need to narrow this down well i for my safety would hope that you wouldn't oh okay all right i don't want anyone to know uh einbinder is bisexual yes too personal that should be under like too personal of a life.

I don't think so.

I disagree.

You think that should be out there?

Yeah, let my freak flag fly.

All right.

You have ADHD.

No doubt.

No doubt.

So all of these are

ones about where you live, one's about your

one's about what is in the way of you living.

And then I'm not sure if this is really equitable to the other three, but you are a longtime supporter of the Philadelphia Eagles.

That is important.

That's very important.

So that belongs up there.

That is actually a really incredible picture of kind of my vibe, I think.

Tell me about the Super Bowl this year.

What were you doing?

Oh, my God.

How excited were you?

What was going on?

Thank you for asking this question.

No other podcast is going to ask you.

No, they're not.

And I'm here to, this is why I say yes when they say don't do it.

You know, I want to hear everything, by the way, like leading up to it, the anticipation.

Oh, yeah, I've got a story for you.

So my dad and I,

there's a bar that we frequent in Santa Monica.

By the way, can I interject one second?

Yeah.

Why do you like the Eagles so much?

Well, because you're from Los Angeles.

We've established that.

You went to college.

Your page says Chapman University in Orange County.

Go Panthers.

Do you wanna.

Okay.

Okay, some Chapman fans in the house.

Some Panthers in the house.

I went to a concert there once.

You did?

Go ahead.

What did you see?

I believe the Vandals played there.

Oh,

punk band.

Anyway, go ahead.

So my dad's from Philly, and my dad had a very strong connection to the Eagles through his father.

And really, that's really all sports are, is just wanting to be near your dad and watching him go through a full specter of emotions.

That's kind of what that's about.

Because dads traditionally don't go through many emotions.

Yeah, but this is a setting where, I mean, you just can't imagine.

2018, we did this something similar to what we did this year when the Eagles won the Super Bowl.

And my dad at one point was crying and did point to the sky and say, say this one's for you dad so that's that is what happened and that's true about what happened and I think that that sums up why I'm invested yeah so so this is a way to connect to your father that's I love that for sure do you guys go to games together or do you just have you ever been to a game together oh yeah oh yeah well we grew I we grew up I grew up going going to games in Philly my dad's dad had season tickets and they've been passed down they're kind of like you know high up there but they've been passed down uh and and we don't live in Philly so they went to you know my cousins over there.

And so whenever we would go back, we would, we would, at the

link,

Lincoln Financial,

you're like, I believe you.

I have no choice but to believe you.

Just take your word for it.

Bald taste lying to me.

Yeah.

But

yeah, so this year we went to our favorite Eagles bar, which is a very strict green-only environment.

Okay, so if you were to come in, I forget who they played this year, but

in Kansas City, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, the look on Taylor Swift's face when her man lost.

You could see her calculating how much longer do I stay in this relationship.

Philly.

She's from Philadelphia.

Traitorous.

I know.

I can't believe it.

Traitorous.

Yeah.

So

if you were to come in in Kansas City colors, which I believe are red and maybe yellow or something to that effect, or like wielding a tomahawk, why is that team still?

I don't know.

How are they?

Anyway, but if you were to come into that bar doing that, you would get what would happen?

You can't come in.

They wouldn't even allow it.

You You can't turn away, yes.

Wow, yeah, yeah, okay.

And this is in Los Angeles, Santa Monica, California.

There's a bar for like everything, yeah, wow, okay, Eagles fans, a lot of Philly fans in California, especially because you know, LA, we don't, we didn't have a sports uh a football team for many years, so people had to kind of just pick, right?

Right, okay, okay.

So, so, so the bar opened at 10, we got there at 8.

Uh, because is there a line?

Why, like there, there started a line when we got there,

and we got there at 8.

And to get in on Super Bowl Sunday, you had to have come two days prior to get passes.

Oh, okay.

It's a small bar.

So let me ask you, the passes guaranteed entry.

Yes.

So why come two hours early to get a good seat?

Good table.

Good table.

Got to get that good table upstairs.

Is it just the two of you?

Just the two of us.

Okay, so you want a two-top.

We want a two.

Well, we want a two-top, but we're happy to make friends, and we always do.

Let me tell you something.

By the end of the night, I was in a group chat with a family.

Okay.

Okay.

I heard their whole story.

Okay.

The girls are texting me.

Okay.

Three kids.

They're all queer.

Their dad was a pastor.

He left the church because the church didn't accept his kids and moved him out to LA.

What's our family?

Let's be in a group chat.

Yes.

I love this.

Text me.

Here's my number.

This is how available you are to

the people out there in these streets.

100%.

So we line up at 8.

We get in at 10.

The game doesn't start

to 3:30.

You want to to see the anthem?

Look, you know, we get in there.

We're seated.

We're fucking exhausted already.

We're just so weak.

This is like a full-time shooting on hacks.

No, I'm telling you.

You know, it's, first of all, it's grueling work for all involved.

Well, first of all, to stand up in a line for two hours,

I don't even like that part of it.

I'm in a damn Eagles poncho.

I've been pacing Santa Monica.

Wait, was it raining that day?

I can't recall.

It wasn't raining.

Okay, I want all the details.

Okay.

It wasn't raining, but you know, we're by the beach, so we got that marine layer.

There's a chill, there's a chill in the air.

This is good intel.

Crisp sea chill.

Okay.

And so we get in there and we're, you know, look, chicken fingers in the morning.

That's what they got.

I mean, I can't imagine they would serve any kind of breakfast food.

So

chicken fingers, that's great.

And, you know, people start to trickle in.

There's a table next to us.

So there was no line.

Nope.

People are now trickling in.

Well, here's the thing about my father and thus me.

We are

always prepared for battle, kind of like the airport is a battleground, the bar is a battleground.

Like, we are planners, and we are all right, look, we got to get there 6:45, like late or 6:45 early.

Is that my dad is super, that's my reco, you know, we get there 6:45, we spread out.

Look, so we're early, I'd rather be early than late.

We need to get that table because, look, the back support for a game like this, I mean, we were in it for the long haul.

So, what are we doing?

You know, that's is there a world where you could have breezed in at 3:30

and still gotten in and gotten an okay table?

God, I wish this podcast was video.

You should see the look I'm getting, Scott.

You are befuddled by this question.

You're aghast.

You're horrified at the mere intimation that you would come that close to the game.

3:30.

We're going to miss all the commentary.

What are you thinking, Scott?

Get your head in the fucking game.

Was the commentary really worth it when you were watching?

Like, was it good commentary?

Like, did it prepare you?

I want to watch both teams warm up.

I want to watch all the old footballers who are now the announcers do the tush-push in the middle of New Orleans.

I want to watch all of that.

I need all of that.

You know, I need, I need the pregame.

And, and, you know, this game was really symbolically this game.

And I, and I have a theory about this.

You know, the world has never been worse, Scott.

I don't, I don't have to tell you that.

We've I mean, there, I, I, I think there are certain pockets of the world.

I mean, you know, they only invented indoor plumbing, you know, 100 or so years ago.

Yes, but

I would say that the issue of climate change has accelerated the state of the world to arguably have never been worse.

But I think the years where the dinosaurs and the humans were there together, right after Adam and Eve

was there, those were probably bad for humans.

I would say they were.

Okay, so let's say

the world is, what, like 3,000 years old?

Yeah.

Let's talk after the pod.

Okay.

I want to talk to you about some some stuff.

I'd love to.

I have some literature for you, too.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Me too.

Likewise.

Okay.

Likewise, same.

We'll just like point literature at each other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That'll fix it.

That's typically how it works.

And that's how people grow.

But yeah, so how do we get there?

Anyway,

the culture, I think, is at a beautiful point in response to how horrifying the world is.

And frankly, you know, so many of the Kansas City Chiefs players have let us down in this time.

You know, the Kansas City Chiefs players, Patrick Mahomes, that's the quarterback.

He was saying that he would, you know, be pleased to have President Trump come and watch him play football.

You know,

Travis Kelsey, frankly, said the same.

And so this was spiritually, this game was, you know, symbolized kind of

looks like a bad thing.

This is a war of ideologies, good over evil.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

And to you, the Philadelphia Eagles are good.

You're damn right.

By the way,

in 2018 and this year, during both of Trump's presidencies, the Philadelphia Eagles have declined to appear at the White House.

I believe they agreed to go this time.

No.

I believe believe so.

I'm going to look this up.

I hate to throw you off your game, but

I believe I saw a headline about that.

Did you?

Because I saw one that said that they declined to go.

That was early, but

well,

I see one week ago, date for Philadelphia Eagles' visit to White House after Super Bowl.

No.

What, LIX?

What the fuck is this?

59?

59?

Yeah, 59.

We're 10 away.

What news source is this?

This is CBS News, so I don't know whether I trust the lamestream media on this.

Okay, well.

What do we need to go to?

The Philadelphiaeagles.com?

We need to go to call my dad and see what's up.

Is there any universe where he's been keeping this information from you?

Definitely.

Yeah.

I'm his baby girl.

Yeah.

He wants to protect you, of course.

Yes.

Okay, well, that's really disappointing, and I don't stand with that.

Maybe they're not all going.

I have to imagine they're not all going.

There's bad apples in every barrel.

Of course.

Look, the point is that they declined in 2018, which I'm stoked about.

This I am disappointed about, and I will be reaching out to, you know, whoever I can.

Sure.

To Max.

Through HBO.

Yes.

Yes.

Through Warner Brothers.

I'll walk up the Max ladder and ring the bell.

Yes.

But the point is, you know,

this was a blowout.

This was a blowout victory.

The first three plays, weren't they like interceptions and running back for touchdowns?

It was ludicrous.

We just

huge, wasn't it like 183 to nothing at one point?

Well, the final score, I believe, was 41 to 22.

So close.

Yeah.

But that's like really outrageous.

So it just, it was a great.

It was a trouncing.

Yes.

And you were there where you like.

I would imagine a cheer came out of your lips at least once.

Oh, I'm screaming.

I'm absolutely sending out blood-curdling screams.

I'm chest-bumping a man.

I don't know.

I'm swirling beads in the air.

I'm, you know, cheering on someone's mom who's gotten on the pool table, who's kind of, you know, ripping her jersey off and twirling it around her head.

I mean, it's mayhem.

It's absolutely mayhem.

I love this.

And these are special times with your father.

Absolutely.

I love that.

Undoubtedly so.

Now, do you agree with me?

I was talking about this.

I'm glad.

I was talking about this on a previous episode where

the part where the guy takes the football, this is at the start of each each play,

and then he's forced to like throw it through his legs while he's bending over.

That's emasculating, right?

He should just turn around and throw it to the quarterback, right?

I think this brings up a larger question of what masculinity is to you, Scott.

That's a good point.

But I just, I think a sport where like it doesn't, it doesn't start until a guy just like...

bends over and throws something through his legs, granny style.

Well, you know, Jenny Slate actually has a really great joke about this where

she says...

she's in the one-time club.

Well, look, I can't relate.

Can't relate.

Couldn't be me.

I'm here for the third time.

Yeah, and I chose to do that.

But

she says, like, they all wear a costume and throw around the toy, which I think is funny.

Yeah.

So it definitely is like a silly game.

It's silly.

And

I also think that

the quarterback, if I were to change the rules, the quarterback should throw to the end zone every play, should be forced to.

Yeah.

Like all or nothing, every single time.

Okay.

I mean, yeah, that's yeah.

That's why.

This sounds like heresy to you.

You're shocked.

I don't like it.

You're shocked.

You don't like it.

You like the game as it is.

I like plays.

I like creative plays.

I like a handoff.

I like a little sneak.

I like, you know, get the ball to Saquon.

He's going to do a little bit of weaving.

You know what I mean?

I think it's okay to hand the ball off to someone as long as if they don't make it into the end zone, then the game is forfeit.

Okay.

So, yeah, it's just maybe not your ⁇ maybe you'll stick to like this sort of a thing.

And I want to start my own league is what I'm saying.

And I need investors.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Good luck.

Good luck.

Okay.

I wish you luck.

Thank you so much.

Well, Hacks, of course, is out on wet day.

We all know what this means.

We need to take a break.

We have a great show.

Coming up a little later, we have, you're going to be very invested in this.

We have a football coach is coming up next.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

We have a football coach.

We also have a businesswoman or a business person.

Oh my God.

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We're going to be right back with more Hana Einbinder.

And we have a coach and we have a businesswoman.

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We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we are back.

Of course, we're here with Hannay

of Hacks fame.

Hacks is coming out on wet day, April 10th.

And you also, you got to be on that Saturday Night Live show introducing the band, right?

Didn't you?

Did I do that?

Ladies and gentlemen, jelly roll.

Yeah, I'm actually not of Hacks fame.

I'm of Ladies and Gentlemen Jelly Roll fame.

Do you ever say that when you go out to breakfast?

I'll say it in the mirror late at night.

Ladies and gentlemen, jelly roll.

Jelly roll.

It's, I don't know if you're a jelly roll fan or

I wish him well is how I feel.

Yes, that's how I feel too.

It's like, God bless whatever it is you do.

Yeah.

But

you ever wish that you could have gotten someone you really loved?

Or

you know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying?

Like, like where you, you, or

do you wish that you got the weekend?

And that way you could have been like Daniel Craig, you know, who's like every Friday people post him saying, ladies and gentlemen, the weekend.

Wow.

Or perhaps, ladies and gentlemen, her.

Her.

Yes.

You know, no, I, I, we, I, I, I actually want it to have been Chelli Roll, actually.

It's always funny when someone is introducing a band that they would never like when Patrick Stewart was there saying, ladies and gentlemen, salt and pepper

was my favorite.

Yeah,

that's a good one.

Something they would never say.

Anyway, that's a wonderful thing to have.

It was cute.

Yeah.

You should host next time.

You're sweet.

I mean, the next episode.

Whatever the next episode is.

I'll drive there now.

Yeah.

So yeah, what is it?

A five-day trip?

Yeah, whatever.

Drive there, go on there.

Do that.

Sure.

No problem.

Well, we need to get to our next guest.

I mentioned he is a football coach.

This is his second appearance.

He's in the Two Timers Club, which means his career is doing slightly better than Hannah's.

Let's welcome him back.

He was a player for the Dallas Cowboys where he won eight Super Bowls.

Please welcome Deion Sanders.

Scott, let me ask you something.

Let me tell you something, Scott.

Yeah, what's up?

I don't know what you came to do, but I came to have some fun today, Scott.

Okay, great.

I thought you came to find dogs.

And I came to do that too.

I was going to tell you that I came to clap my hands.

I came to stomp my feet.

And I came to find some dogs.

Cluny dogs, Scott.

You haven't done any of the three at this point.

I see some dogs in here, Scott.

Hannah, are you a dog?

I mean, did you hear our first segment?

Hannah was talking a lot about football.

Scott, I heard a little bit of it.

I heard a little bit of it.

So you didn't like saying, ladies and gentlemen, Jelly Row.

I did, actually, I think.

You did like doing that.

Your boy was, it was great.

Yeah, I did.

I kind of liked it.

I think you have the exact wrong takeaway.

You know what you should have said.

What?

Ladies and gentlemen, Shabuzzi.

Oh, my God.

Deion Sanders is a big fan of Shabuzi.

Oh, I love Shaboozy.

Shut up, Shabuzzi, man.

That's my dog.

Can I tell you, actually, and this is serious,

Mr.

Sanders?

I...

Come on, Mrs.

Sanders.

Okay, no problem.

And you join a long line of Mr.

Sanders's that I just frankly love.

Sure, the Colonel?

So I have to.

Oh, you would call him Colonel.

I would probably put Bernie before the Colonel, but

they're equitable to me.

They look this similar.

Old guys, white hair.

Yeah.

Yeah.

White suits.

Little black ribbon ties.

Shibuzzi, actually, his first music video, when I was in college, a bunch of kids at my film school produced it, and I was the...

the girl in his first music video.

Yes.

This is huge news.

It was taken down because he illegally sampled something that he didn't have the rights to, and so it was taken down.

But we saw each other recently at a party and we were like, ah, really?

You saw Shabuzi at a party?

You were the first Shabuzi video vixen.

That's right.

Wowie.

Look at it.

Look, what he do is God.

Yeah.

What did you just say?

I said, Woody do it.

Won't he do it?

Yes.

I'm talking about Colonel Sanders in the sky.

You like those seven spices?

Seven.

Seven plus five.

No, seven plus four.

Is it 11, really?

It's 11 original herbs and spices.

It's really.

Did it start out as 11 or did he add four at a certain point?

Wait, am I wrong?

I have no idea.

And can we, while we're at it, discuss how many are in Dr.

Pepper?

Because I know that that's also sort of a 56.

23.

23.

And that's prunes, right?

It starts out with

prunes.

Are you serious?

I think it's the only prune soda.

You're kidding me.

Prunes keep me regular.

Make sure you eat your prunes, Hannah.

Okay.

KFC.

How many spices?

11 herbs.

11.

Maybe I'm just thinking of the spice number because this is 11 herbs and spices.

So I wasn't wrong.

Sure.

Let's name them in order of importance.

No, they keep them very salt.

It's got to be salt.

That's the majority.

Garlic.

Paprika.

Paprika.

Onion.

Onion.

Cardamom.

Cardamom.

Cardamom.

Crosby, steals, nash.

Hall, oats.

Dion,

I'm sorry, Coach Sanders or Colonel Sanders, which do you prefer?

Please, call me Mr.

Sanders.

Mr.

Sanders.

Last time you were on, you were talking about you coach a college football team that you're Scott.

Sorry, Buffaloes.

We coming, Scott.

I need dogs.

You do need some dogs because you were saying your son is leaving the team.

He's leaving the team.

He's going to the NFL.

He's going to the...

Who's he playing for?

We don't know yet.

Congrats.

Do you hope he plays for the Philadelphia Eagles?

I do not, Scott.

And who do you hope he plays for?

Oh, he played for the New Orleans Saints, Scott.

I like that city of New Orleans, Scott.

Okay, but what about the Dallas Cowboys?

Because that's where you made your fame and fortune.

Yeah.

Not necessarily.

Wasn't there some sort of rumor that you were going to go coach at

Dallas?

Scott, there's a lot of rumors.

Look at all these rumors surrounding me every day.

I just need some time.

Some time.

Sometimes

get awares.

Some time next social club.

What do you do for you, Mr.

Sanders?

What I do for me, I'll tell you, Anna, I watch a lot of television.

And that's what I wanted to talk to Scott about today.

Scott.

Oh, okay.

Great.

You've seen the show, Emily in Paris.

Do you mean Emily in Paris?

Yeah, whatever you want.

It's supposed to rhyme, I believe.

Emily in Paris.

You've seen that, Scott?

I have to confess I have not.

I'm a big fan of Lily Collins' father,

which doesn't help.

I mean, Hannah, you, of course, Nepo baby

pollster child.

Am I?

I think so.

Okay.

Great.

I mean,

your mother worked for Saturday Night Live.

You said, ladies and gentlemen, jelly roll.

Yeah, that is

the ratio of power, actually.

That's like, that is actually

transferred down to you.

Yeah, of what have my pull.

But

Lily Collins, of course, big fan of her father, Phil Collins.

Her father, McCarly Cockins?

Oh, wait, that's Phil Collins' daughter.

That's Phil Collins' daughter.

Yeah, I can feel that in the air tonight.

Okay.

I did not know that Scott.

Put me on something, man.

Diamond Social Club.

Look at all this air surrounding me every night.

I can feel it.

So you're a big fan of Emily and Palmer?

Man, come on, Scott.

She go over there.

She got that damn beret on her head.

I was like, girl, what are you doing in Paris?

Come back over here because I need dogs.

Is that the first scene?

Wait, you want her to come back here because you need dogs?

Come back to America because I need some dogs.

And I can see how you're wearing that beret in Paris.

And you a dog.

Shout out Jelly Roll, man.

I don't even know whether

she's American and goes over there and then lives there.

How is this the plot to a show?

She American.

So she an American fashion writer, you know?

Okay.

She writes for fashion.

What does she do?

She don't do that.

Who knows?

It's all speculation.

She knew something, and they take over to Paris to do it over there.

Like, our shows

shows are now hacks.

This is a good idea for a show.

Thanks, you know, a stand-up comedian who

I don't know.

Can I suggest a name change to hacks?

Let's hear it.

Let's call it dogs.

yes honestly that's a

good apt suggestion ladies and gentlemen once again jelly roll

couple dogs right there that's a good episode right there yeah gene smart and jelly roll i would love the two j's i love that they should do more stuff you and shabuzi gene smart jelly roll yeah this is like a good forsome this is a music festival in yes in tucson yes i this is what south by southwest needs to evolve into

second weekend of course and they added they added luggage fees.

Is that sad?

Bags don't fly free no more in South by South Wiz.

I tell you that.

Any other shows you're watching?

Yeah, Scott.

Come on now.

You ever heard of this

fabulous Miss Maisel?

That's a show about comedy, too.

Y'all should check that one out.

Yeah, Hacks is sort of the spiritual successor, right, to the fabulous Mrs.

Mazel.

Oh, certainly.

Oh, undoubtedly.

She paved the way.

Mrs.

Maisel walked.

So Brent, what's her name?

So Deborah Vance.

Deborah Vance could run.

Could drive a golf cart.

Golf carts in your show.

You're right.

Yeah.

Yeah, there was that episode last season.

Golf.

Did you get busy with

who was it?

Oh, you get busy on the show?

I did, yeah.

Oh, this season is really.

You have more

sexual interactions on this.

It's true.

It's true.

Oh, I love this.

Yeah.

Who was it the last time?

Who was Christina Hendrix?

Christina Hendrix from Mad Men.

Yeah, this is my last life for sure.

I'm not coming back.

Two Redheads.

Yeah.

That's what they say yeah exciting now was there intimacy coordinator for that there was because i would like to apply for the job

you can do this on the side right intimacy coordinator by the way you have as much qualifications as most

to be so frank all right now okay don't nobody be touching nobody we don't want to be touched you got that

you ask for every touch in the scene is it in the scene we're gonna do a little improv

that's what uh people doing love scenes love to hear hear.

Is we're gonna do a little improv,

okay.

Robes off, girl, robes off, ladies.

Let's go, robes off.

Somebody grab that baby hole over there.

All right, I don't know, don't nobody touch nobody when they don't want to be touched.

All right, you got that, okay.

This is good, you

got action, really.

That's the extent of it.

The director's like, I need to get him.

Can we sorry, can I say action?

Uh, I mean, this is a good job.

Do you only want to do it for Christina Hendrix and Hannah here?

Don't make me a creeps, guys.

I'm going to do it for a lot of people, man.

Emily and Paris.

Whenever he's needed, he'll be there.

That's right.

We'll just shine the Deion Sanders signal just in the shape of a dog.

And a dog.

Uh-oh.

Somebody needs some intimacy coordination.

This needs to turn into a cartoon.

What other TV shows you've been watching?

Oh, man.

That fabulous Ms.

Mazel.

Shut up.

Emily in Paris.

You watched that show, The Pitt.

I have not seen The Pitt.

I thought it was about Brad Pitt for a while.

I thought it was about dogs.

So we were both wrong, though.

It turns out it's Noah Wiley

in

what I'm hearing from the lawsuits was originally intended to be an ER reboot.

Yeah.

And then segued into

nothing to do with ER at all once they couldn't get the right answer.

It's about a hospital, man.

And them doctors are dogs in there.

They're healing people, Scott.

Because

in today's world, we need healing.

We need hospitals.

Yes.

Scott, do you believe in universal health care?

I don't know that my views on it would be earth-shattering at all.

So why don't we just ask your views?

I believe in universal health care, international health care, intergalactic health care.

Intergalactic.

You see these people come back.

from Earth.

Yeah.

And they come back to Earth.

Yes.

Like

the people trapped up in the NASA's space space station nine months they finally home yeah bring our dogs home there are uh their their muscles their muscle tone is withered yeah uh they're emaciated we'll put them on a meal plan get them back get them back right yeah they'll be ready for next season

of universal intergalactic health care to you

what were you saying huh oh just

thank you scat

well they i was just saying that they may be puppies now but when we're through

they're gonna be dogs that's right you already know what i'm talking about i like you

Are you trying to get into acting?

I mean,

you, Dion.

I'm not talking.

Hannah's already there.

I've been to some stuff.

Yeah, where were you at?

On the episode of Living Single.

Playing yourself?

Playing myself, man.

Okay, that doesn't count.

Playing yourself doesn't count.

Yeah, I was a heightened version of myself.

I love her for your enthusiasm.

What else?

Have you ever played a character?

Me.

I am talking to you right now.

I played me.

Oh, you played you?

Okay.

Some people might consider me a character.

Yeah.

I think it's hard when you have a body like yours and you're so tall and so big.

It was the problem The Rock had for a long time, you know, and the problem Kumail has now.

Yeah, too sexy.

Too sexy.

Too damn sexy for television.

Yeah, that's the thing.

You can't play like a normal schlub, you know, like Hannah over here, she's playing like a comedy writer who can't get work, you know.

Yeah.

I can't imagine Deion Sanders here, you know, of course, believing that from you, because I would just say, oh, just go play football.

You know what?

I could play a a comedy writer on television.

For sure.

Let's improvise a scene as comedy writers.

Oh, great.

Okay.

Hey,

did you get the rewrites for the monologue television?

I got the rewrites.

Oh, okay.

All right.

I got the rewrites, but what I need to know is what we're having for lunch today.

Oh,

we...

Yeah, I think it's.

I don't want no more salad.

Okay, well, I was going to say, I think it's sweet green, but I again.

Yeah, I just, we have a deadline, so I was just wondering if you.

We've always eaten sweet green.

Yeah.

I won't barbecue.

We, we could, I mean, I guess we could look into that, but I just, yeah, I think maybe,

do you know if there's going to be a chance for you to look at the rewrites?

I got them.

They're on my desk.

Oh, okay, great.

But I wasn't barbecued.

Okay, I'm just going to stop it right here.

First of all, sub in Al Wazir, and this is exactly Mr.

Show every single day.

But

Dion, you're in a position of power, it seems, over Hannah's character.

I think he's an eccentric employee, and I I see.

But why do you need him to check the rewrites then?

Because I assign them to him.

For him to check them or for him to...

What is he doing with these rewrites?

Yeah,

he's sort of punching them up.

Punching them up.

You got to continue to see.

He's got to say action.

Okay, action.

Okay.

Did you get a chance to punch up the rewrites that I sent you?

Hey, what are you, Christina Andrix doing tonight?

All right, cut, cut, cut.

Okay,

I don't know.

It is pretty much like being in a writer's room, to be honest.

That's the accuracy.

We got sweet green.

We got harassment.

We got somebody doing their job wrong.

We got it all.

99%

accuracy.

We haven't even gotten to the rewrites.

Yet, I want to talk about the rewrites.

Okay, you want to talk about the rewrites?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

Okay.

Okay, so yeah, for the monologue, I was thinking that perhaps we went in in a different direction away from talking about, you know, the story with the Swiss banks, just because I think that a lot of people are going to be covering that.

So I was just wondering if you had anything, anything there, or maybe perhaps a pitch on a different topic that could be kind of more international.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

I do have that.

More international?

Yeah.

International healthcare.

Ooh.

I want to talk about that.

Okay.

Yeah.

Swiss banks is in Switzerland.

Right.

Interpol is in Sweden.

Okay.

Okay.

You pick it up and put it down?

I'll take your word for it.

All right.

Is the barbecue almost here yet?

Oh, somebody's in the middle.

Excuse me.

I hate to interrupt, but the show goes live in 30 seconds.

Do we have the rewrites?

Or

you know we need to switch it to the international, you know.

Do we have any of this?

Oh, we.

By the way, I'm just a PA.

Oh, okay.

We do.

We do.

Who's in charge here?

I can't quite figure it out.

How can you not tell who is in charge?

Clearly, this woman is my boss.

You seem subservient to him.

Yeah, but maybe it's just your tone.

Yeah, I well, you know, tell him you're my boss.

Tell him you're my boss.

Okay, well, I'm

speak up.

Sorry, I'm his.

We collaborate.

I'm his.

You collaborate?

Yeah, well, I just, I'm a position of power here.

Um, is Christina Hendrix coming to the show today?

I'm really scared, and I just feel like she's gonna be live soon.

We're on, we're on, ladies and gentlemen.

Shaboos,

great scene.

Wow,

okay, yeah, I think this is good.

I think it's it's great.

Can you guys?

I think Dion could be on hacks.

100%.

Just playing a normal comedy writer.

Who's very concerned with eating barbecue.

Like all comedy writers.

You got to have good lunch.

All right.

Well, let's get Dion on hacks.

We need to start a hashtag Dion on Hacks.

We're going to take a break.

When we come back, we have a business person.

This is very exciting.

Dion, can you stick around?

Scott, I got to go.

You got to go?

No, come on.

Stick around.

No way, I'll stay.

All right.

We're going to come right back.

We'll have more Hannah Einbinder, more Deion Sanders, and a businesswoman.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.

We have Hannah Einbinder here of Hacks,

and which, of course, I get a Google alert every day

for hacks because I'm wondering if I'm popping up on the latest lists of Hollywood hacks.

Oh my god.

But

it starts the fourth season on wet day,

and

which is a Thursday this year.

Wet Day falls on a Thursday.

Oh, shoot.

Damn it.

What's going on in your head?

You're going to be too wet on Friday?

You're like drying off.

You'd just like to be wet on a weekend, is all.

Yeah, that's a good point.

You'd like to, if you were being to be wet, you'd like for it to be on the weekends.

Those holidays that fall on the weekends, though, then it feels like you're getting ripped off because, you know, like when 4th of July is on a weekend, you're like, I really would rather this be on Monday or Friday so I get a three-day weekend.

Yeah, but I mean, has Wet Day broken through in that way?

It's not officially recognized, but it's storming the nation.

Pun intended.

We also have Deion Sanders here,

who

ladies and gentlemen, wet on the week.

We need to get to our next guest.

This is exciting.

They're joining the incredible One Timers Club.

Please welcome to the show.

They're a businesswoman.

Please welcome abby spotted hi wow i'm i i don't normally i don't normally do this kind of thing but i'm i'm so happy i'm really happy to be here i feel oh sure just like an immediate connection with you my sanders oh

all right now i'm just really picking up what you're putting down oh okay well it's great to have you

when you say you don't normally do this kind of thing what do you what do you so um i'm i'm a psychic but um oh i'm sorry i thought you were a businesswoman well i'm looking for clients oh okay So I'm really here to promote my business.

An unsuccessful businesswoman.

No, I wouldn't say that.

I wouldn't say that.

Do you currently have clients?

Not one client, but I'm looking for clients.

You're a future businesswoman.

I'm a future.

Listen, I'm...

Do you have an LLC?

No.

I don't have an LLC.

Here's the thing with me.

I am so uncomfortable in this chair.

You're uncomfortable?

Yeah, I'm so uncomfortable in this chair.

I wish that I could like, I don't know, be under the table or around your feet because I guess it's.

let me just tell you, I am, I'm a little unusual just because for the past 11 lives, I've been a dog and this is my first year.

I need that.

This is my first life as a human.

As a human.

Oh my gosh, congratulations.

So I'm mostly a pet psychic, but I can also read people too.

But I just, it's different.

Yeah.

Things are different.

Do you, do, do you remember or recall being a dog?

Honestly, that's mostly what I remember.

Really?

Yeah.

I'm having a little bit of trouble transitioning.

I was

human.

Yeah, what kind of dog were you in your past?

11, you say?

Uh-huh.

Well, that's the number of herbs and spices that KFC has.

Oh my gosh.

I've had tastes of that.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

That's a lucky dog.

That's a true.

A lucky dog.

Or a clumsy owner.

I just was so attached to this idea of

intimacy coordinator.

So was Dion.

You guys

are so bonkers up here.

I mean, like, up on this level, because I'm telling you, the asshole is really where all the data is.

Yeah, that's where, I mean, also the pee, from what I understand.

Like,

because dogs, when they go on the walks, they smell other dogs' pee

to learn information about them.

It's, it's sort of like the gossip magazine.

It's like TMZ for dogs.

100%.

And so it's really uncomfortable when everybody closes the door.

Yeah.

Because I feel like I'm just missing so much information.

I don't really know how to, like, I'm, I'm, you know, this is not about me as a human.

You know, I want to read.

I want to give you guys all a reading and really, like, get to know you.

But to be honest, the psychic part of it is interesting.

You could read us or whatever.

I'm fascinated by learning what it's like to be a dog.

Yeah.

Oh.

I need dogs.

Oh, yeah.

You're a human now, so therefore you are useless to me.

What kind of dogs are you talking about?

Dogs, man.

So

this guy was a dog in my life.

You have to be Dion.

I mean, come on now.

This life, too.

You're still in me.

But

the rules, the human rules of consent and all that, dogs don't have that.

They just take what they want.

Now we're like eating ass.

We've been eating ass for years.

We invented it.

I don't know.

It's like, I'm not impressed.

But I am a little uncomfortable with so much arm skin and leg skin.

It's like putting on a coat.

Yeah, yeah.

You're cold.

I put on a coat.

It's cold.

It's just like, it feels a little vulgar.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is that the main difference is the amount of arm skin?

Well, leg too.

Leg too.

Yeah.

I mean, sure.

Yeah.

I mean, that's the other thing.

You have arms now.

I do have arms.

I do have arms.

Instead of four legs.

What is that like?

It's

a little clumsy, but listen, I'm not a human.

I'm sorry.

If I'm coming off crazier, like I'm not a dog.

I'm a woman.

Obviously,

I was reincarnated as a human.

Sure, yeah.

How old of a woman are you currently?

Well, I'm 30, but I feel like 200 and 400.

You feel four, probably, four and a half.

Because in seven years, dog years.

And it's because I've been, I can't thanks, you know.

I've been around.

Listen, I don't do math.

Yeah, well, I'm more of an instinctual

dogs don't do math, right?

Like, they just

all of everything, right?

It's not like, oh, there's two chicken breasts.

No, I want all of them.

Infinite.

No.

I teach my dog portion control.

Is that so?

How do you do that?

How do you just kind of lay it?

Let them know.

That's all you're getting.

Be satisfied.

So you're determining the fortunes.

You're not just putting out a large

skin of something and they're deciding how much they eat.

That's not really teaching them anything.

Now, in terms of just because, you know, there was a business proposal brought up in terms of investing.

Yeah.

I'm curious.

I also have my business proposal, which you did not choose to invest in, my different league for football.

Hannah seems pretty interested in my ideas.

I don't remember, but

it was merely 40 minutes ago.

Yeah, it's tough for me.

Scott, do you have cats when you live in a moment?

I do not have cats.

Don't worry.

I'm getting a cat vibe from you.

Maybe I was a cat in a different life.

I mean, people worshipped cats back in ancient Egypt.

Tracks.

Okay.

Well, they had dogs sleep in their bed.

I don't know whether, Dion, do you have previous lives?

I've never really investigated.

You know what?

I ain't investigated either.

I mind the business that pays me.

So I don't know what I was doing back then, but I hope it was good.

Oh, I can tell it was good.

What are you seeing with Deion?

Oh, my God.

I'm seeing a king.

Read me.

Read me too.

I'm seeing some sort of big,

big

tree.

I'm seeing.

He was a tree or he.

I'm seeing he peed on a tree.

Oh,

it's a dog.

A big tree.

That's cool.

I'm seeing a lot of fancy collars.

I'm seeing a lot of bling.

Was I a Rock Wilder?

Please tell me I was a Rock Wilder.

Oh, a Rock Wild.

I I think you were a Rock Wilder.

I think you were a little bit more.

I think you're confusing.

Please tell me I was a Rockefeller.

Rock Nation.

I know.

I feel like I'm being a little vulgar, and I'm not trying to be, but I'm having a hard time dating.

I don't think that's vulgar at all.

Actually, you didn't say a curse word.

I don't know if that's disgusting or not.

Listen, I

when I'm a female dog, nobody just comes out and shows you their Red Rocket.

And so I don't know who's interested.

You are always a female dog?

My last, my last two.

Your last two?

Oh, so your previous nine, you had the red rocket.

Yeah.

Okay.

Easy to show, easy to receive, easy to, easy to know.

Right.

Yeah, it's, it's hard.

I mean, honestly, it's hard.

I think that's the other thing.

If people acted more like dogs, dating would be easier.

That's how I feel.

Yeah.

And that's why I think my perspective on

your lives could help so much.

I think a dog.

Oh, I changed my business.

I changed my business.

You changed it.

your, wait, this is unprecedented.

You're changing your business in the middle of your segment?

Unprecedented.

I think this is where I would shine.

I want to be a dog

dating advice service.

Dog dating advice service.

So you're giving advice to humans who want to date dogs?

No.

The way that you're

completely wrong.

The way that dog, I use my knowledge of being a dog to help you guys date.

Ah, so you're giving advice to humans who want to date other humans, but do do it with the philosophy of a dog.

With the philosophy of a dog?

I love this.

All right, so Hannah, are you out there in these streets?

I'm single.

I'm single.

You're single.

Yeah.

So this is perfect.

Yeah.

So now we know you were a plant, you were a dog, you were a cat.

Yeah.

So that answer sounded like, Scott, you about to get her in trouble.

I'm single, but there's certainly a woman I'll be getting an angry phone call from after she answers this.

So this is good.

This is really good.

So what kind of advice would you give to Hannah, who's out there in these streets night after night,

searching for someone, anyone to love her?

Lay it on thick, will you?

Okay, so first off, we got to start sniffing at each other.

Okay, do you do that, uh, Hannah, when you're out there?

Oh, sense memory is very important.

Sense memory, yeah.

Well, the nose is a direct channel to the brain.

Of course, so occasionally, you'll smell an aroma that will take you back decades, even to something that happened to you as a young child.

Absolutely, yeah, and the heart is a direct channel to the stomach,

and the eyes are a window to the soul, yeah, and the tongue

is a direct stuff.

You lick us up with it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So the first thing would be to smell.

So first thing to smell.

Okay.

Then I would go up.

I think for most people, it's all about the asshole.

That's where the data is.

We've talked about that.

This is first date, though.

I mean, I know it is for dogs.

But

is this first date?

Yeah, this is first date.

This is first date alone, obviously.

Can the asshole be symbolic?

Is there a way to kind of explore that in a way that isn't as direct?

You know what I mean?

Like, is there a way?

The mouth.

I guess you gotta be a little bit of a mouth.

The

The asshole of the face.

Exactly.

Sort of a reverse asshole.

So I guess you're not.

Sometimes you're breaking.

A hole ass.

It is.

Can I just really quickly break in to say, you're telling me we have a big hole in our head and we put food in it.

It's crazy when you think about it.

Don't like, that's really crazy.

And shouldn't it come out the same hole, like, just for sanity?

No.

Like, not sanity, sanitary purposes.

You know what I mean?

I mean, that's got to go all the way down through our body and travel around and then go out a different hole it's just you telling me we're putting doritos in the face hole and in what way was that ever the plan for us i know it's driving me crazy and i'm really trying to keep my sanitary

so right i you guys are so consumed with that though yeah i don't think you should be as concerned about that dogs don't give a shit about what they're putting in their mouth they'll eat shit yeah we'll throw up and we'll eat it right back up oh

oh dogs but also babies too do you think shibuzi does that shibuzi don't do that man

there's no way shibuzi keep that mouth clean i gotta know what you did in that music video

or you know what he was in a fun 70s production designed school bus and he was a rock star and i was a journalist

did you ever like take off your glasses and shake your hair out and i was like putting the mic towards him and writing stuff down, but I was being like hot about it.

Wow.

Yeah.

And he was like, I'm Robert Plant.

I got to check this out.

I'm writing about you.

This is incredible.

And you saw him at a party and remembered you.

I love this.

I couldn't believe it.

I said, do you remember me?

Shabuzi, do you remember me?

Of course I remember you.

I love this.

And he gave me a big hug.

He's so wonderful.

Shout out Shabuzzi, man.

Shout out to you.

I've been trying to.

You were trying to tell me on the last episode, shout out out Shabuzi.

I wouldn't listen.

You still didn't listen?

And this is a musician?

Yeah.

Yes.

How do y'all not know who Shabuzzi is, man?

I mean, I know who Shabuzi is.

Transcends music.

Zero Time Grammy Award winner, Shabuzi.

That's right.

You were on right before the Grammys, or the day after the Grammys.

You thought he was going to sweep.

The episode came out.

The episode came out.

We recorded a month before the Grammys.

You were predicting a sweep.

He ended up with zero.

What did Shabuzi smell like?

Does he smell good?

Opportunity, possibility.

Yes.

You know what I mean?

The future.

Yeah.

Hope.

Success.

Yeah.

Yeah.

See, I just don't know that society is going to allow us to go out on first dates

and immediately take our pants down and smell each other's assholes.

I hear you.

That's why I changed it to mouth and kiss.

Okay.

So I don't.

Listen, I'm flexible.

I'm going to amend this.

I don't know that society these days will even allow you to just kiss a person that you're on a date with without their consent right away.

Oh my God, dogs just read consent.

I know that's the thing.

Feel it all the talky, talky, talking.

See, I think dogs give

implied consent all the time.

You know, it's like tacit consent.

And I think humans would be better off if we just consented to let whoever do whatever they want.

A little less to read.

A little more pheromones communicating.

Thankfully,

thank you, exactly.

Wow.

You guys have have helped me really streamline this business.

Yeah.

I don't know that it's streamlined necessarily as

higher.

Yeah.

I don't know about you guys.

Yeah.

But this is really, really working for me, and I'm excited.

I'm ignoring it.

I love this.

So, do you need to change your website?

Hannah's father could probably

get it.

I'm going to use mine.

I'm not using it.

That would be great.

I'm really not using it.

I would love to see you.

Hannah, I'm Bigger and Abbyspot.com.

Well, that's nothing.

It's going to be

C-Spot.

Well,

it was going to be C-Spot Tell, you know, because it's like, I'm telling you, like, I'm telling you.

But I'm just like, C-Spot Date.

C-Spot Date.

Although

I think that I would feel like that's an OnlyFans site if I were.

But that would get a lot of traffic.

That's true.

Also, I'm not opposed to putting out my feet

a picture.

Let's check that.

Do you remember if we check out your feet?

Oh, God.

Of course.

See,

people are so sensitive.

Yeah.

Do you have a rating on WikiFeet?

Hannah, do you have a rating on WikiFeet?

I'm

sure I do.

Pull them out.

That's what I'm saying.

Let's get these dogs out.

Let's show some more people.

But you have a list of dogs.

Okay.

Your rating.

Before you say it,

I'm going to go ahead and self-eval.

Is it one to ten?

One to five.

One to five.

Okay.

So

for me, like, I do, I don't think that I have like extraordinary feet by any means.

So, so for me, I'm in a.

I cannot even think of an instance where I've even

seen like the shadow of your feet or anything like that.

Like, in terms of your work.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Have you done much?

I'm clavicle up typically.

That's what I'm saying.

What about that scene?

That scene where your shadow was against the wall and you were putting on a stocking.

I'm sort of peeling my hip hoes.

Yeah, yeah.

Not what I want.

But I will say, most of the pictures, most of of the pictures on your site are

Wikifeed?

On Wikifeed, are you at events or on talk shows?

An open-toed heel, I presume.

Open-toed heel on the Jimmy Kimmel show.

What was that?

Did you see something?

I was about to cough.

No.

Open-toed heel.

But there are some candid photos, it seems.

I hope they're candid.

I hope you guys are not professional photos.

I'm going to go ahead and clock myself in at three.

Whoa.

Hey, don't take this into your dating life.

Would it surprise you?

Shoe size nine, by the way.

Is that accurate?

Eight.

Oh my god.

Okay.

We need to amend Wikifeet.

Would it surprise you to learn you have a four-star rating?

Wow.

See?

It would.

And it says parentheses, nice feet.

Really?

Yes.

God, then I guess I don't know the metrics that they're using.

By the way, there are about six comments

on your page.

Let's hear them.

User comments.

I like what I see.

Cute feet on a cute lady.

Okay, that's a dog person.

Wholesome.

Yeah.

Gorgeous.

Long toes.

Okay.

That's a cat person.

That's a cat person.

Very sexy.

I'm scared.

That's a dog.

Okay, that's a dog.

Okay, here's a little bit of a criticism.

Okay.

Not much, but there.

Not much.

Well, hang on now.

Well, hang on.

Hang on.

Do I have long toes or don't I?

I don't know.

What do you mean, not much?

Ascertaining.

I'm not here to say that.

I think they're talking about the amount of pictures.

Okay, okay.

I think they just want more.

Wow, I'm crazy about her toes, and the polish color looks great against her pale skin.

Okay, okay.

Started horrible, went to it,

went on to become allyship.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Toes legit.

Absolutely.

And I think that could be said for everyone here.

And you know what?

We should be leading with our toes more.

Toes legit.

Look at this.

Damn, she's so hot.

I wish there was more of her.

Okay.

Like more of your body or more?

I'll tell you the most horrific comment I've ever gotten

on a post of mine, and it's the cleanest word choice, but it's so upsetting.

Are you ready?

Okay.

Love her wide, fat, beefy

pooper.

Okay, here it is.

Love her wide, fat, beefy pooper.

Jesus Christ.

It's chosen every episode, which is great.

Understand what's wrong with that.

To a dog.

This is like the biggest compliment you could get.

For a dog, that's a rave.

That's a way.

That is, that is some high regard.

And I don't think you should think anything other than

a bunch of my stuff.

I just copy and paste.

I fear that saying this on this podcast is going to lead our fans to comment it endlessly.

No!

Oh, my God.

You guys.

Please don't.

She doesn't like this.

That is insanitary.

I do like that Wikifeet links to your IMDP page.

Totally.

Oh, and it lists my one

credit.

You have fewer credits than I expected.

Yeah.

I have to say.

Yeah.

Doing my

career.

You mean I've been on one show.

Done three of these episodes.

Sure.

I hope to see that reflected in your Wikipedia

pedia page.

Abby, I'm glad that we have helped you out.

Wow.

I feel like.

I feel like I won.

Yes, you won the episode.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is a

game show element of this, too.

Yeah.

Yeah.

People love to compete.

Say that stuff.

Do you think if football, and this is for you, Hannah, if football didn't have points, would it still be as exciting?

No.

The points are key, right?

You have to have the points because you have to win and it's about.

But what if they ran up and down the field and did all the things they're doing and kicked it through the thing and all that, and everyone just was like, good job.

Yeah, that's interpretive dance.

That's a game of catch to me, and I'm there for that.

That's that's sports.

All right, well, we are running out of time.

We only have time for one final feature on the show.

That's a little something called plugs.

What are you

good

for?

What are you?

Call them off, Levi.

What's your good plug?

What's your good glove?

What's your good plug?

I really, really, really, really want to hear it, please.

Ooh, nice and short.

That was Plugs Please by Levi Sains.

Thank you to Levi Sains.

If you have a plug theme, head over to cbbworld.com/slash plugs and upload it.

And you can be famous for a week.

And Levi Sains, you are famous this week and this week only.

Prepare for the inevitable crashdown of your fame plummeting in about seven days' time.

Hannah, what are we plugging here?

Your Wikipedia says not much other than hats.

That's right.

That's right, Scott.

You had

your stand-up special, which came out last year.

Yeah.

That people can still access.

Check that out.

Everything must go only streaming now on Macs, which is also where my show is.

That's the corporation that owns me.

You are just knee-deep in the Max business.

Oh, yeah, baby.

Are you like Max royalty?

Like when you show up out there in Santa Monica or wherever their offices are, do they just like all the doors open for you?

I'm something of a Maxinista.

I'd say that's fair to say.

Yeah,

we got hacks coming out.

And when does this air this episode?

Who knows, but I will say that wet day is the day that everyone will be celebrating.

April 10th, folks.

April 10th.

April 10th.

And

remember, we need exponential growth, right?

This is an era of tech and Wall Street influence in Hollywood.

And if you don't have growth in your business, that means you're doing horrible.

You can't just make money for everyone.

You need to grow.

You need to grow exponential.

So if you want me to keep, you know, sort of living, frankly, you got to tune in, folks.

You got to to tune in.

How many seasons do you want to do?

I think we talked about this last episode, but I would like as many as you guys are still alive.

Just every year, just make a new season.

And the later seasons can be boring, you know?

Like, I'm sure.

you know,

there's not going to be all this drama with like, oh, she's got a big show now.

Like, eventually it's all going to peter out, but I would love to just hang out with you guys.

Well, you're sweet, and I too would love that.

I think, you know, our hope is five.

Our hope is five.

Your hope is five.

So you don't know yet.

We don't know yet.

You guys win all these awards every year.

Look, you know,

including you, a Critics' Choice Award.

Hey, come on now.

The critics chose you to win an award.

They chose me to win,

and

you know, and I choose, and I have, and you have to choose yourself every day, and that's what really matters.

I believe they chose you to win Supporting Actress when I view you as a co-lead.

Well,

you're nice,

in addition to being sweet.

Thank you.

But Hacks is out.

We need to watch it on wet day.

We need to

and it and it

comes out every week, too.

It's not like all put up at the same time.

It's one episode a week.

One episode a week.

So here's what I would do.

I would watch the first one on April 10th.

I would probably pace around my house wondering what's going to happen for the next six days.

And then seven days later, I watch number two, repeat.

Repeat that.

Ten times.

Yeah, 10 times.

10 times repeat that.

We're going all the way to

June?

Is that June?

Is that how long this is running?

This is going to be a great thing.

I think it'll be, I think, yeah, April,

all of May.

A lot of May, right?

I mean, look, and I'm with Abby.

I don't do math, so that's your department, but

look, I'll just have to keep working so that I can keep coming back on comedy.

I hope so, because if Max,

you know, and Hacks, which by the way, they rhyme, that's elegant.

Hacks on Max.

Hacks on Max.

If this doesn't get...

Back for a fifth season, I don't know that we're going to have occasion to talk anymore.

And I really love love our chats.

Yeah, I guess I'll have to figure something out.

Yeah.

Make a real career.

Yeah.

So that I can come.

So I'm begging our listeners, watch hacks because I want to be talking with Hannah in about a year's time.

Yeah, we're so desperate to be talking one year from now.

And so if you could watch the show, that would help us to do that.

I would love that.

All right, let's turn over to Deion Sanders.

What are you plotting here?

First of all, Colorado football is back in August.

August.

Stay tuned for that.

We're already back to work at this point.

So, you guys are in pre-what do you call it pre-trained?

Workout.

Workshop.

We're just working out.

We're evaluating dogs.

We see how many dogs we got this season.

How many dogs have you been through?

Hundreds of dogs.

Hundreds of dogs.

Yeah.

And they haven't all worked out.

They haven't all worked out.

Not all dogs go to heaven, Scott.

You know that?

No, because you're just getting new lives.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Come on back.

Well, other than that, I'd like to plug some other people's podcasts that I'd like to listen to.

Oh, sure, yeah.

The Hollywood handbook,

the Hollywood Handbook Sport-O-Matic Universe.

Those men.

Those men.

Yeah, what we call them.

You call them those men.

Some people call them the boys, but those men,

they just launched a new podcast.

What are these guys doing?

It's called The Filthy Ones.

The Filthy Ones.

It's a play on the Flavorant Ones, which is a basketball podcast.

The Filthy Ones is a baseball podcast.

Oh, okay.

Yes, yes, yes.

So go over there and check that out.

The boys and call,

okay, as they are, as they are, are uh very eloquently described as online.

The boys in call, the boys and carl.

And let me ask you a question: Did they ever drop the act?

I still don't know.

Interesting.

Uh, also, you know, watch other things.

Uh,

Grand Crew streaming on Peacock.

In the note, streaming on Peacock.

That's gonna come back on Peacock.

If enough people watch that, will that come back?

Probably not.

Neither will In the Note.

And watch Saturday Night Live, ladies and gentlemen.

Shibuya.

Shabu.

Jellyroll.

Yeah.

did you did uh i have a friend who's a writer on that show did uh he write ladies and gentlemen jelly roll i did he did oh my god this is huge he did i would love to meet him yeah you got to meet that guy um all right abby spot what are your plans check me out on hannah's wiki feet oh you getting in there i mean that's where i'm gonna do my that's where you're gonna comment that's oh that's oh i see that's where that's where i'm gonna

get your website oh that's how more you can find i would imagine her wiki feet page gets more traffic than HannaEinBinder.com.

Oh, that's why we went with it.

We went with the feet.

There's just no doubt.

There are some cute people who do improv.

Oh, okay.

The Yeti team at UCB in LA and at the Elysian Theater in L.A.

Okay.

Can find them on Instagram at

for

real Yeti.

I don't know.

Yeti for Real, maybe?

Yeti for Real.

Yeah, I bet that's it.

Yeah.

If I had to guess.

And I have no skin in this game.

I have no skin in this game either.

A lot of skin on your arms and legs, though.

I'll tell you that much.

Well, not that I'm showing.

I have pants with a huge hole in the

we haven't talked about that, by the way.

When you walked in here, it was surprising to me.

You have a huge hole in your...

I'm upset that I have to be on a chair and hide every day.

Yeah, I know.

This is terrible.

Yeah.

I want to plug, look, hey,

we mentioned it before, CBB World.

It's your one-stop shop for everything comedy bang-bang related.

We have the entire archive, every episode of this show, ad-free.

We have every single live episode we've ever done, including the giant tour we did last year.

We have great shows like Scott Hasn't Seen, where we watch movies that I haven't seen before.

We're just in the middle of month month, which is so exciting.

We also had

shows like Hey Randy with Randy Snuts.

We have Who Me with the Batman.

We have

the neighborhood listen.

We have College Town.

So many great things over there.

And if you subscribe for a full year, you get two months free.

Uh, so that's a great deal.

All right, what do you say?

Why don't we close up the old plug bag?

Never ceases to surprise me and also make me laugh.

That was Clothe the Plug Bag by Evaser.

Thanks to Evaser for that.

And guys, I want to thank you so much.

Hannah, I know you're a mid-sip of water, but I'm going to thank you.

And I'm going to say that I hope that Hacks is a huge success.

I'm a big fan of the show and early adopter and

excited for this season and can't wait to see it.

And I hope to talk to you in a year.

I will see you in a year.

I love that confidence.

That's dog confidence.

Oh, yeah.

All right.

And Abby Spot, of course, good luck with your business and good luck with co-opting WikiFeet.

We'll be in touch.

Yeah, fantastic.

And D-R-E-R.

Should we show one more scene from Hacks?

Should we?

Yeah, sure.

One more writer's room scene.

Okay, sure, yeah.

And action.

So you got those ribs.

Oh, there's a good rib right here.

And we both lost our jobs.

Yeah, yeah.

I got barbecue sauce all over the rewrites.

Yeah, that was really tough.

And maybe I should have taken a different leadership strategy, but I was just trying to be, I don't know, easy and cool.

It's not your fault.

Hey, I need a place to stay.

You mind if I move in with you and Christina Hendrix?

I don't, yeah, well, I mean, I guess I could sleep with the couch.

No, no, we could all.

The new intimacy coordinators here.

Uh-uh.

Hi, I'm Abby Spott, the new intimacy coordinator for Hacks.

I'm taking over your office.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

So the, I'm sorry, I'm just a passive PA observer.

The intimacy coordinator is taking over the head writer's job office?

Well, I got fired.

Okay, yeah.

Because we didn't get the rewrites approved by my subordinate.

I'm so sorry.

And they found me through Wikipedia.

Oh, okay.

This all makes sense to me.

I just want to write one last thing before I leave the office.

Let's hear it.

This is me writing the cue card.

This is me writing the cue card.

Genuinely,

genuinely amazing.

Ladies and gentlemen, toes legit.

All right, we'll see you next time, Nex.

Bye.

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