Nasty Boys (Asif Ali, Lily Sullivan, Dan Lippert)

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Life is short, life is cruel.

Dipped my wang in pudding, but it turned out to be gruel.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

Thank you to Side of McG, catchphrase superstar, side of McG, and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week.

I believe it's

one day after the Ides of March, and we're dipping into St.

Patrick's Day today.

Hope you're wearing your green.

I know our guest of honor is.

Come on, come on.

I don't know why, as we are recording this prior to the day, but I think green is one of those colors that should only be one day.

I think, I think every, there should be a color for every day of the year.

Oh, I like this.

And everyone has to wear it or else they get pinched every day.

So you wake up and it's like, and it's, it's on the color wheel and it's like 1093 teal blue, and everyone has to wear that one or else they get pinched all day.

We'll be discussing this a little later.

My name is Scott Auckerban.

I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang.

We have a great show coming up.

We have an entertainer.

We also have a government employee.

So this is a packed show.

Wow.

But let me get to our guest of honor, the aforementioned green-wearing person.

He is a stand-up comedian and an actor who has appeared on such shows as Wrecked and WandaVision.

His breakout role has arrived here.

In the new comedy Deli Boys, which is out on Hulu now, all episodes, I believe, are currently available to watch, all 10.

All episodes currently, we hope there's more, of course.

I'm knocking this wood.

I'd like this show to go on till the end of time.

Hey, thank you.

Please welcome Asifali

to the show.

First time, you know, welcome to the first time.

First-time listener, first-time guest.

Yes.

Wonderful.

Welcome to the show.

Deli Boys is out.

I am here to say that I have seen approximately two hours of this, four episodes.

Whoa.

I'm not yet halfway through the season, but I've seen my share.

You've seen enough?

My share will be all 10.

I imagine I will complete it, but this is as much

between the booking and you arriving.

Yes.

This is as much as I was able to complete.

I love that.

Enjoying it a lot.

Tell us

a little bit about what the plot of this show is.

Who you play.

Give me everything.

Oh, go, go, go, go, go.

Real fast.

Start the clock.

Real fast.

It's about two trust fun kids, two little dum-dums.

I play mirror.

Kids are dumb.

Two South Asian boys, barely legal.

I know you're into that, you nasty man.

Two barely legal.

What are we talking about?

Are we talking like three days after their 18th birthday?

Yeah, just the idea of drinking gets them so hard.

I know you're into that.

And on your notes.

We talked about this before, yeah.

And you flipped through all my notes.

Scott has underlined barely legal South Asian three, four times.

He has a globe out and he's circled South Asia broadly.

And And

so we're so.

My other guest is so disgusted by this.

They are taking off their headphones and walking out of the room.

And calling the police.

But yeah, two Trust Fun kids, two idiots.

I play Mir and Sagar Sheikh plays Raj.

I'm sort of the type A.

Went to business.

He, by the way, people will know from Ms.

Marvel.

Ms.

Marvel.

He's so great as the brother on Ms.

Marvel.

Yes.

And so I played sort of the type A, went to Drexel, went to business school, wanted to be my Drexel.

Drexel's colleague.

Is that a Harry Potter character?

Can I tell you something?

I was a voice in Hogwarts' Legacy, the video game.

And are you proud of that now?

In hindsight,

we'll save that for later.

Would you like to publicly denounce J.K.

Rowling?

For her views about most communities, yes.

Okay, okay.

We have that on the record.

We have that on the record.

However, they made it very clear that the video game has nothing to do with her.

And then they also made it clear to her.

But it doesn't have anything to do with her views?

Yeah, it's just you playing Twitter, and you're just jumping from one of her posts to another one.

Notorious Turf, JK.

Yes.

We do not like that.

And so I'm sort of like the type A guy.

And then he plays sort of the, he uses his trust fund money to do drugs and be in orgies and be a real nasty guy.

And

he's a nasty boy.

He's a nasty boy like you.

I know you loved it.

And

so our dad played by Iqbal Theba, who was a principal in Glee.

Very talented guy.

I don't know why you pointed at me.

I've never seen it.

You're a huge Glee fan.

I know that about you.

You're doing jazz hands.

They can't see it.

That's true.

And so

we're in his shadow.

He was an immigrant guy, worked at a deli.

Then eventually.

There's a chain of delis.

He's incredibly successful.

He has commercials everywhere.

He's a huge, like running a corporation now.

Then he dies in a tragic accident.

We don't want to go into exactly how he dies because.

We want you to watch.

We want you to watch, but it's a huge.

So if you're into death and you watch things like Faces of Death,

there's a scene scene in this that you're gonna love

yeah if you saw war footage in the early 2000s on the internet and you were upvoting it with scott uh you're gonna love this show and and so one scene at least one scene one big scene so he dies and then we find out that all of the money from our family was actually coming from our dad using all of these delis that he owned as a middleman for cocaine distribution.

Yes.

Now, here's what I like about the show.

Yes.

I was watching the first episode and I felt like the premise had been established.

Yes.

Because it's two idiots and you have your father and he's complaining about you guys are idiots and you're not ready for responsibility.

I'm like, okay, I get this.

This is going to be a show where two idiots work at a deli or a chain of delis or whatever and it's fine.

Suddenly he's dead.

And then it turns into something akin to the Sopranos or pulp fiction or something where it's suddenly now it's in the drug trade and people are getting murdered.

Yes.

And it's violent.

And it was very exciting to me.

Just the amount of blood in that first episode was just insane.

And that's when we knew this is going to be something.

Approximately 10 pints, I would estimate it at.

Bloodstimated.

And the PSI was powerful that day.

Yeah, the FX guys were really having fun blasting our asses with a Tarantino amount of blood.

It's strange because all the spatter was on your asses.

It was like,

I don't know who murders someone and turns their ass toward the body.

Yeah.

That was you guys.

We knew how the internet worked, and I was like, let's give the fans something.

And we turned around and they were like, spray these BBLs.

We know what America wants.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that is, and

you have

an aunt as well.

Yes, played by Porna Jagannath.

Yeah, she's great.

She's getting a lot of buzz for her performance.

I'm going to say it here first.

She will get nominated for an I mean, if she doesn't, we will riot.

Yes.

When you say we, who are we talking about?

Me, you,

all of the listeners of CBB will gather.

That's going to be a very ineffectual riot.

13 people, very passionate.

No, she's great.

She kind of takes over in your father's footsteps and along with

who is Brian George plays.

Yeah, incredible.

Great cast, very funny show.

And goes into, like I say, I've seen approximately two hours of this, four episodes, and goes, and I'm counting the ads that are on Hulu.

Because you have Hulu with ads.

I have Hulu with ads.

God forbid you pay more than $9.

I don't know how to get rid of these things other than paying money, which I don't want to do.

But

certified fresh, by the way.

We're certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes now.

Congratulations.

What does it take to be certified fresh?

It's just over the 50% mark or what?

I'm not here to question it.

All I know is that we have an over 90% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Wow.

I think certified fresh is you need to get over a certain amount of positive ratings.

That's what I mean.

50% is what I said.

No, I think it's over 50%.

51?

What do we maybe 60s?

60s?

Maybe 60s, 70s.

I don't know.

Although, like in school, a 60 gives you a D.

So I would say 70s then.

It would have to be 70s then, right?

Like a good C?

Yeah.

Yeah, something's fresh if it's like half bad, right?

Okay.

Hold on.

This is a takedown piece.

What did I walk myself into?

Holy shit.

I know.

It's a very funny show and very exciting and has great guest stars.

I know there's this gentleman, Tim Baltz, Baltz, who plays an FBI agent.

And I saw this Australian actress named Lily Sullivan who was in this.

A force to be reckoned with, honestly, would not make eye contact with us and was very much doing method.

And we kept reminding her this is a comedy show.

I'm glad you said UD after doing

and was very serious and then got us all iPads after her performance.

Yeah, yeah,

that's she's a class act.

Great cast

and funny writing.

How did the show end up coming to be?

Who actually created it?

Abdullah Saeed, this incredible guy.

He used to work at Vice.

He used to do drugs at Vice.

So that tells you where his mind was at.

If you're the senior

person doing drugs at Vice.

That was his role.

That was his role.

It's just to do whatever drugs.

Whatever that day and write reviews.

He used to have a show called Bong Appetite, where he would smoke weed and then cook and taste food that has been infused with weed.

Now, what came first?

The title?

We don't know.

That's like asking a podcast, like what came first, the name or the idea kind of thing.

But he wrote, he actually, the reason why this show is so interesting is that he wrote it because he just wanted to get staffed in a room.

And so, you know, like they just tell you to write the craziest shit you can come up with so they can just get an idea for what your sense of humor is.

But then when he was taking it around,

they were like, oh.

Onyx was like, yeah, we'll make this.

And he was like, oh, shit.

Okay.

So like that jump from, I was just planning on getting staffed.

And then now you're an EP creator, writer.

That's almost too much responsibility for this guy, I would say.

But he did it.

But he did it.

He did it.

Yeah.

We also have Jenny Connor from Girls.

Yes.

She was one of the producers.

Nora Silver.

Michelle Nader was shortened.

It was a lot of women.

He was the only

man that was an EPA.

I also heard a story about how a lot of the characters were men in the original draft.

And then they asked, hey, could you change these?

He went to a panel, like a Gina Davis panel, I think, and she was like, go through your stars.

One of our great stars.

Wouldn't you agree?

The fly.

God, we love it.

Brundle fly.

My favorite bug.

Scary stuff.

God, just like.

Eating shit.

We love that for her.

And she's actually going to use this now.

This is going right to our Instagram, getting pinned on our Instagram.

But she does a lot of work in that space.

I know my wife's film went to her film festival out in, I forget what state it was in, but Tennessee or something like that.

But it's very focused on women in the industry.

Yeah, so he went to a panel and they were like, go through your script and find any characters that are men that can be switched to a woman.

Go ahead and do that.

And so he did that with Lucky Auntie and he did that with Agent Mercer.

Right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it's a great channel.

I mean, you know, without doing that, Lucky Auntie, which is such a great character, wouldn't exist.

And it gave her so much more to play with.

I'm going to say, reverse the gender of every single character in your script and see what happens.

No.

So we get picked up for season two, and then I'm fired?

Yeah, exactly.

I do catering now.

No,

you can play Lucky Auntie now.

Oh, and she plays you.

This is very cool.

We love it.

Okay, I'm now back on board.

Here's how to fix Hollywood.

Yeah.

Because everyone talks about, like, oh, there aren't enough women rolling.

And people have been asking you specifically about

just take every single script that goes into production, swap the gender of every single role.

There.

Whoa.

So Reacher is a woman now?

Yes.

A small Ms.

Reacher.

Ms.

Reacher, I don't mind if I do, yeah.

And yeah, she's very tiny.

Tiny lady.

Big tits.

Keep her from punching people.

That's how she gets towns to submit to her will.

They're like, hold on.

We weren't doing so much.

This is how we cure sexism in Hollywood.

Oh, my God.

So what

Deli Boys, of course, we're talking about on Hulu Now, all 10 episodes.

All 10 were released at the same time.

same time, yeah.

That's that's like bear tactics, and that was and that was a conversation that was happening on set.

And even though I wasn't obviously in a position of power to make that decision, were you like yelling it a lot?

Overhearing these conversations and like trying to sidle up to them, going like, Well, here's my opinion.

I know, I they would be like, So, what do you guys think?

And I made it, I would yell it out.

I would be like, Guys, remember, in between, I'd be like, all right now, it needs they all need to drop at the same time.

At the same time, well, it's it's benefiting me because because i of course had to cram yeah uh watching these because you're using four episodes you're using a free trial

that's the other part of it god damn it the free trial by the way and give me ads come on man give me a free trial without ads hook me maybe i'll pay for the no ads um it's a great show deli boys is out there right now and uh 10 episodes you have experience i mean you were in one division right you're in a lot of stuff yeah you started as a stand-up comedian.

Yes.

Yeah.

I started in high school in Arizona, in Phoenix.

Right out of the city.

You're from Phoenix.

Yeah.

And then I moved to Chicago.

Chicago, great comedy scene.

I feel like a lot of people who want to get into comedy pick New York or LA and don't overlook Chicago.

It's an incredible place.

And everyone in Chicago just goes, like, when am I moving to LA?

Yeah, but that's after they're already powerhouses of comedy.

You know what I mean?

It's a great incubator.

We love our second city, of course.

Our iOS.

We love them.

iOS doesn't even exist anymore.

Whoa,

it's news to me.

We love them, though.

We love them.

A great legacy.

And

you went to Chicago.

Yes.

Did you mainly focus on stand-up?

I was doing improv and

improv as well.

But then eventually, when I came to LA, it was like a thing of like, hey, I can't make any money.

I'm just actively losing money doing improv.

Yeah.

And so I can't.

That's the thing.

You have to pay approximately like $500 every improv improv performance you give.

Yes.

And

it's just, it's sunk cost.

And as much as I love doing it and, you know, being around a lot of other people who are way too enthusiastic, I.

You love doing it.

Let me give you a word.

Okay.

Bovine.

Yes, and milk.

Okay.

See, he loves it.

Come on, put me on a Herald.

He loves it.

So you were doing stand-up as well at the same time as doing improv?

Yes, yes.

And so it's easier to make money doing stand-up because you go out and do yes, and frankly, I was better at it.

I had to sit down and be like, hey, what am I actually better at?

And I was better at stand-up, and um, and the improv community was devastated, honestly.

A lot of people, Lauren called me, Lauren called me and said, Really, are you sure?

Um, you know, we are looking for a South Asian person in 2078

when we get a lot of pressure on social media, and then you will be let go six months later.

Um, and so I was like, Listen, man, I have a career and I want to pursue this thing.

Do you have any specials out there?

I did a Netflix special called Verified.

It was like four people doing 15-minute sets.

Oh, yeah, one of those 15-minute one that Max did, right?

No, no, it was on Netflix.

No,

I mean our good friend Max.

Oh, yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Of course, from the Nevada Johnny Carson Festival.

Yes, it was, yeah, that.

One of these things where it was just like, okay,

we don't don't trust you for half an hour, which is crazy because they saw me do an hour and then they were like, here's 15.

And I go, what is this?

Yeah.

I already showed you.

Is it an attention span thing?

What do you mean?

I don't, I think it was a trust thing.

They need the computer.

It's not human beings trusting me.

They need a computer to trust me or they need you to show them that you have 2 million alt-right fans.

What do you think about computers?

Are they good for society or like on the whole?

Like we used to have calculators.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we were like, I remember that was a big in when i was in school that was a big thing do we let calculators into the classroom yeah and uh nowadays it's like hey we have uh i mean that's mainly what i use this phone for is just for the calculator app yeah that's calculating that zero percent tip you give at restaurants yeah yeah yeah

let's see zero divided by zero oh look at this same thing every time uh they hate you at booka debepo they hate you

uh but yeah i think that the using the algorithm thing it is kind of crazy because it used to be a lot of fun.

It feels like there's no one in charge of like just making decisions with your gut.

Sure.

It's just all just, you know, you hear about, oh my God, our good friend Christian Bruin show being canceled by Netflix when it has like 800 million viewers and some computer is like don't like it.

Don't like it.

Don't know why.

It's great of completion.

And they all just go like, oh, thank you, computer.

Oh, we love you, computer.

And everyone loves this show.

And then suddenly you wake up one day and it's gone.

What's going on?

What are we going to do?

I don't know what's going on.

Not at Hulu.

These people are going to be able to do that.

Not at Hulu.

These people have heart.

They have passion.

And, you know, anything else positive I can say for us to get a second season.

Yeah.

And

when do they decide this?

How long is your contract?

I don't know how long our contract is, but

when do they have to go?

I would love to get my lawyer on the phone.

No.

I would love to.

You know.

I think it's like a three-year contract.

No, no, no, but when do they have to decide whether they're picking it up?

I think they have to tell us by June.

Or what?

They have to pay you more money?

Yeah, or if they hold us, they have to pay us more money.

Yeah.

How much we were very...

I think it's like, I think it's at least like

50.

50K?

I think it's at least 50 to 70K.

50 to 70K.

That's just to hold us.

Just to hold, yeah.

Because like you're a star on the up.

Yeah.

I'm on the call.

I'm number one on the call sheet.

They got me.

You're number one on the call sheet?

This is what I need to get to.

Thank you.

Thank you.

How did you wrangle that?

It's my first time in my entire career being number one in the call sheet.

What were you on Wrecked?

Probably number six.

I was number six.

Number six.

Yeah, I was six.

Yeah.

And then on WandaVision.

Let me guess WandaVision.

You're probably in the 30s.

Yeah, I think it was something, I was probably 20-something.

26.

It was pretty early on.

But I was like, but you seriously

was recurring.

So you were in the first couple episodes because you're one of the people in the town.

I was in five out of the six, I believe.

Wow.

Yeah.

And I've been

and when you're a guest star, you know, shrinking, I was.

I don't know, actually.

But go ahead.

Don't get a lot of work on these neck of the woods.

Come on.

Your attitude towards Hollywood, I feel like, would just open doors for you, left and right.

Yeah, shrinking, I was pretty low.

I couldn't even put myself in my own thing.

This is how bad I auditioned.

Because that's, you're an artist.

You're an artist.

New Girl, I was pretty low because that was like the last season of the actual show.

So I want to say that.

But how do you get number one in this Deliboy show?

Like, was there a fight between?

Or was it just decided one day you're number one?

I think it was.

Did you talk first in the show?

Um,

between the two, between the two of you?

No, I think our dad talks first, but he talks first, but he's not, he's not gonna be number one on the call sheet.

Did you your scene was first, wasn't it?

I think so.

I think they established your character first, maybe, but I don't think that's how it works.

I bet it was.

I mean, how the fuck would you know, Scott?

We have to ask the computer.

The computer is the only one that can tell us.

But yeah, it's been a what an honor.

Yeah, truly.

It's a special thing, but it's an ensemble, so it, you know, we all share.

You guys should switch it next season.

Why are you doing this to me?

I hate this.

I hate this.

I'm just saying, like, you're number one this time, and it makes me feel like a big shot.

And I'll be number 37.

Give it to your brother.

Give it to the.

Give it to Sagar.

Yeah, okay.

Okay, fine.

Okay, fine.

Why not?

He's two, probably, right?

Yeah, he's two.

Yeah.

Yeah, give it to him.

And we'll switch for season two.

Yeah, that's fun.

That's cute.

It is fun.

That is kind of nice.

That'd be nice.

And you should make a big ceremony out of it where you like, you know, make up a giant call sheet like it's a giant check or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A publisher's clearinghouse where I hand it over to him.

And you cut a ribbon.

That would be fun to do on the first.

And then he immediately does a switch where then now he establishes rules that we were trying to avoid, where he's like, don't look at me, don't talk to me.

I will have a video village made out of trailers with like six different trailers.

A video village made out of trailers.

Yeah.

I'm trying to imagine this.

Yeah, where you just open the window and you can see the monitors through there.

Well, this is a great show, Deliboys.

number one on the call sheet here this is an honor for me and the show takes place i listen i'm just it takes place by the way it takes place on earth in philly in philadelphia but we shot it in chicago that's right so if you are if you ever see like the l-train passing by you're gonna be like holy shit this is crazy but we did or the lake

Or like you guys walk by Second City.

Yeah, and I there's a whole episode where I, where my character drops a character and does two very bad improv scenes at Second City, pitches the show to the audience.

Jason Sudekis doesn't drop in.

We get into, yeah, he looks at me and is like, I don't know you.

And then we leave and then we get on the train and argue for about three stops.

So this is a good show.

It's a fun show.

We shot next to the bear, actually.

Did you, like,

what do you mean next to the bear?

Our stages were right next to it.

It was us, the bear.

So if they turned the camera even slightly to the right, you'd see Jeremy Allen White, Iowa Deborah, Maddie Matheson.

Was that hard to be like trying to act and then the bear is acting right next to you?

It was kind of crazy because it's like you could feel the weight of like, man, there's Emmys right next door to us.

Do you think he's playing Springsteen, right?

Do you think that's going to seep into his bear performance where he's like, hey, little mama?

I'm the bear.

I actually love that.

I think him saying, hey, little mama, over the plate, over a plate of food while he's in his own apartment.

He's talking to his food.

I've never seen the show.

He's got to do his food.

His gun this season.

Fucking weird show.

We would do this funny bit where when we were shooting out on location.

The entire time.

Why the fuck does anyone watch this?

I love it.

When we would shoot on location.

You have to say that you were.

No.

I love it.

I love season one.

This is a show about a guy speaking to his plate.

But what's every show?

You could dilute any show into that.

All right.

All right.

You know, this shows you.

From what you're saying, I've never seen it.

So from what you're saying, this is a show about a guy who talks to his food like he's Bruce Springsteen.

Yeah, but he uses like a fuck voice.

You know what I mean?

All right.

Yeah, it's different.

It's different.

We would do this bit in Chicago whenever we were outside.

We would tell people when they would walk by and be like, what are you guys shooting?

We'd be like, oh, we're shooting the bear.

And people would be like, oh my God, what's this season about?

And be like, this season,

Carmy really gets into South Asian food.

He's starting a South Asian restaurant.

He's getting into biryani and naan and lentils and curries.

And they would legitimately be like, oh, shit, really?

That's like, that makes sense because the show kind of like breaks boundaries and stuff.

That makes perfect sense.

And I'm like, yeah, there's an episode where the spice really gets to him and he has to like sit down in the freezer but like for different reasons and so there's like about 1 maybe 20 people

maybe there's like 120 i can handle spice so it's not up to me but there's about a hundred people in chicago who believe that season uh the new season of the bear is about him starting i love that a south asian wrestler and they think it's groundbreaking yeah they're like oh my god it's gonna be crazy he's probably gonna call like he's probably gonna call it like um hurry in a curry or something like that and and they're gonna be like cousin that's a fucked up name and they're gonna have a whole episod someone's gonna drive their car through the front of it it's gonna be awesome you You guys should crossover with a bear.

You know how, like, CSI and Two and a Half Men had a crossover episode?

Like, you got like the bear should drop by like one of your delis and someone shoots him in the face.

Well, Abbott Elementary.

Stop talking to your food.

Abbott Elementary and It's Always Sunny did.

Yeah, Philly crossovers.

Yeah, that's fun.

And so you guys are in Philly too, supposedly.

So, yeah, so we could pop in there too.

Yeah, that would be fun.

Just sell the kids Coke.

Yeah.

When you say the kids, you mean the sunny characters.

Obviously.

You were not intimating that

children are doing coke.

That's not the kind of joke we do on the show.

No, no, no, not on the show.

I just want to say, Asif, it's not the kind of joke we do on the show.

And you know what?

I respect you for that.

And I respect that you're setting boundaries and letting me know, putting me in my place.

Even though I'm number one on the call sheet, you're putting me in my place.

I'm number one on the call sheet in this room.

Oh, that's true.

That's true.

Got it.

And you had a call sheet printed out when I came in here that I had to sign, which was odd, but I respected it.

Well, it's a great show.

Deli Boys is out there right now.

Also, I'm realizing that Deli is a play on, of course, the Indian City Deli.

The Indian City,

but it's spelled D-E-D-L-I.

So if you're trying to look up, I can't find Deli Boys.

Take the H out.

And it's a great show.

Out on Hulu now.

I'm going to watch the other six episodes the minute you leave.

Wow.

And I hope everyone watches all 10.

Those computers, they like their completion rate.

Come on.

Help me in the algo, please.

We need them to make the decision on this

second season here.

You can get another 50 to 70 K.

If we get a second season, you'll be the first to know.

Really?

Is that true?

It'll be a CBB exclusive.

It'll be the first for you.

A CBB exclusive.

Here's what I want you to do.

If you find out it's a no, it's canceled.

Or if you find out it's a go, just call me up the minute that you get the info and say, schedule the episode today.

And I'll corral whoever I can.

We'll do an episode.

You'll make the the announcement before you tell any of your loved ones.

Anything like that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

I'll do that.

That's a verbal commitment.

That's a verbal commitment.

I'll do it.

Deli boys, out right now on Hulu.

We're going to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have an entertainer.

We're going to have a government employee.

This is a great show.

Awesome.

Can you stick around?

Are you kidding me?

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Fantastic.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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Comedy bang bang, we are back.

Asit Volley from Deliboys out on Hulu right now.

All 10 episodes.

Why didn't you make 11?

You know what?

We had a real conversation about that.

I was actually tied up.

I had a stand-up gig for free that I was doing.

Yeah.

And I was like, was it a benefit?

It was a benefit for me.

All the money was going to me and my bank account.

And so I was like, daddy needs some new sneakers.

So, and you can do that now.

You can start a foundation for anything.

And it's so the foundation of the betterment of my personal style.

So instead of doing 11, it just ends at 10 without ever resolving anything.

And then there's a, there's a, there's a, uh, a Apple Notes, a photo of an Apple Notes that says, it's an apology.

It's an apology.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, for

something, something very nasty that someone someone did on set, but you'll never know.

With like little words underlined that they think you misspelled.

Yeah, with the red lines.

I love that when someone releases an Apple Notes apology and there's words underlined.

It's like, at least take care of that

before releasing this publicly.

We have to get to our next guest.

This is exciting.

We have three people who have never been on the show before joining our First Timers Club.

Please welcome.

She's an entertainer.

Please welcome Miss Macy.

Hi, Scott.

Sorry, I just have to read this.

I have to start by reading this.

Oh, you're take okay,

your phone out.

Scott Ackerman, as you know, I work for the Hollywood Cabal and have been sent to do a routine wellness check.

I don't know.

What do you mean, as I know, you work for the Hollywood Cabal?

Due to the chaotic and often volatile nature of the entertainment industry, most actors choose to live a severed life.

A what?

A life?

A severed life.

Severed life.

With their innie here in Hollywood and their outie elsewhere.

Oh, shit.

Today, during our session, I hope to provide you with some helpful information about your Audi.

Okay.

Okay.

Scott.

I don't know.

I mean, I'm terrified.

Do you know what this means?

I don't know what this is.

And honestly, I've sent in a lot of self-tapes to get into this Hollywood cabal and I've heard nothing back.

Is this like Illuminati shit?

What are we talking about here?

Scott.

Is this like Jay-Z and Puff Diddy, all the freak offs?

Yes.

Am I invited?

Don't act like you've never been invited to a freak off.

Scott, we are all invited to the Hollywood freak offs.

I'm invited too?

Yes, we are all invited when you join the Hollywood cabal.

As our record shows, Scott, you have been severed since 2001 when you played Phil Hegel in The Huntress.

Yeah, he was a magician.

I had to learn a card trick for that.

Some of your finest works.

A TV series about the adventures of a mother and daughter bounty hunters.

Yes.

There's nothing like going on a set and feeling like you're doing a terrible job immediately where everyone kind of heavily sighing and coming over to you and going, okay, this time, and you feel like you're doing it exactly the way you did in the audition.

Yeah,

when you go on set, it's really testing the reputation of a casting director.

They're like, I mean, I tried my best.

That must have meant that you did a really good job.

I think so.

I don't know.

Also, it came out, and I've never seen it, and I've never talked to anyone else who's seen it.

Well, I'm happy to provide you with a copy.

As you know, we keep an extensive library of every single film and television created at the Hollywood Show.

As you know,

I don't know anything about this.

Scott, I'm excited to provide you with some helpful information about your Audi today.

Are you ready to begin our wellness session?

I don't know what this means.

So, your Ini.

So, your Ini is a person in Hollywood.

So,

I've never seen the show

Severance.

It's an incredible show on Apple TV.

I haven't seen that.

And so, the show with Adam Scott is

Adam Scott, John Torturo,

and other people.

And so a lot of people.

Patricia Arquette.

And so a lot of people have been saying that

it mirrors real, like the real Hollywood.

And I didn't think it was true.

And then now that this is happening, you know, it's really shocking me to my core that this is a real thing.

And you have your innie.

Wait, I've done this?

Yes, Scott.

You've been severed since 2001, which means you have your Innie living here in Hollywood and your Audi living elsewhere.

Would you like me to dive in?

Please do.

I need to know about this.

Why did you have to look down at your notes for dive in?

Because

it's my first day.

It's your first day.

It's my first day, God.

Oh, it's going terribly.

You're doing so well.

Am I your first client today or whatever you call me?

No, I saw the Lache's earlier.

Oh, okay.

Nick,

Nick, and Vanessa.

Vanessa, yeah.

Nick is a little bit different.

Vanessa's obviously severed, but Nick is a brain-dead robot.

Wow.

Why did he stop saying, and of course, I'm Nick Lachey?

Now he just says, and I'm Nick Lachey.

We reprogrammed him.

Okay, thank you.

I appreciate it.

Someone spilled water on him.

He spoke to me and a friend of mine.

Someone spilled water on him, and that's why he kept saying that over and over again.

I see.

Like the aliens in signs.

Oh, got it, got it, got it.

Exactly.

Awesome.

You know that you're also severed.

What the fuck?

What?

Yeah, the moment that you do any part on television, you become severed.

So that means my Audi is living in.

Phoenix, Arizona right now?

Not in Phoenix, no.

But we'll get to your session soon.

Okay, okay.

So wait, even when I was taft heart lead for just shoot me?

You were severed.

Yes, Scott Wow okay the pain of a life as an actor was too much for you to take huh wait so is that does that apply to podcasts too absolutely really so which part of me is doing the podcast the one of me at home or the innie the innie what does that mean the part that's in

hollywood in the innie you need to watch the show

why

So this animal's you need to watch the show.

Hang it out, Adam Scott.

I'll tell you what it's like.

Anything he's just filmed, he recaps for you like verbally the entire time.

He's just like, oh, yeah, did you see Severance last week?

And then he just like takes,

it takes longer than the actual episode to watch.

And he'll give you the

good friend.

To what he did, and he tells.

It's not like he's telling behind-the-scenes stories or whatever.

He's just talking about how cool he looked.

It's just, yeah, so I don't know.

Does he talk about his haircut?

And his cool run?

Yeah, what's going on with his haircut?

It's very long.

Very long.

Yeah, yeah.

But he cuts it for the flashback.

Don't worry.

Yeah, he does in season two.

He so they flashback and he's cutting his hair.

Yeah, they should have a whole sequence of him giving himself to Rachel.

It's cute, it's cute, it's so cute.

Yeah, it looks really good on him.

Oh, gosh, I'm messing this up already.

I was supposed to give you your session.

Let's do the session.

I'm sorry, I didn't know any of this.

Oh, I'm so bad.

I'm doing terribly today.

You're doing great.

Let's do this.

Okay,

your Audi is a ski bomb in Vail, Colorado.

Your Audi likes to go to local saloon.

Oh, local saloon?

Just one.

There's only one.

Yeah, there's only one.

There's only one in Vale.

Okay, okay.

Your Audi loves the band fish.

No, that's not possible.

Yes, Scott, take a look at your lower back.

Oh, shit.

Wait, turn around for a second.

I can't see it.

It's Trey shredding.

Trey shredding?

On your back.

Scott,

it's huge.

It's detailed.

It's very detailed.

Okay, do you mind if I just keep pointing it at you during the rest of the show?

No.

Wow.

No, that's really stressing me out.

Oh, God.

I'm just trying to get through.

Pull my pants back up.

Okay.

This has been such a hard week for me.

He also has a liquid up.

I think he has a death tattoo.

Yeah.

It's weird.

Look, I love the brand.

That was for me.

That was my Audi.

That was me.

Yeah, wow.

Well, why has it been a terrible week?

Oh, my God.

It's just like I started this new job working at the cabal, and it's just not going well.

Nobody offered to take me to lunch.

Oh shit.

I thought at least somebody would take me out to lunch in my first week.

Not one person.

You thought you were.

You said it was your first day.

Yeah.

So the first week, there's still another six days.

Yeah, exactly.

But the first day's already gone by and no one's offered to take me out to the business.

No one's been like, hey, this is the first time you're doing it.

It is 10 a.m.

Oh, no.

I know.

It's just so tough.

Steak dinner?

Yeah.

Steak lunch.

A steak lunch.

No one at the cabal offered to take me to a steak dinner lunch

where you eat dinner.

Well, maybe it'll happen after you're done with this session.

God, I hope so.

They're just waiting.

They're nervous, probably.

Do you think I'm intimidating?

Yeah, you have an intimidating.

The way you shake while you're holding your notes.

Oh my god.

Yeah.

It looks like you're going to snap mentally.

Perhaps physically.

I've got to get through, Scott.

I've got to push through.

Let's do this.

Okay.

Your Audi spends his off-season in Costa Rica.

That's kind of cool.

Off from what?

From skiing?

Whoa, you go from cold to warm?

Wow.

Your Audi brags about his ski day and how the Narnar is the pow pow.

Wow.

I don't know what these mean, but I guess my Audi knows what Narnar and Pow Pow is, I guess.

He absolutely knows.

Okay.

Your Audi is in his 50s, but frequently uses the word Steezy.

Ew.

I don't like that at all.

I don't at the saloon?

You're dropping Steezy at the saloon?

At saloon.

He goes to saloon and he says Steezy.

I don't like this guy.

Oh,

it's your Audi.

We all love our Audis.

Our Audis are us.

Does Audi, does Audi have children?

No.

Audi is single.

Oh, that's kind of cool.

You're Audi.

Can Audi become any?

Now he's back on his Steez.

I love that shit.

Wow, it's good to see you joke around.

Thank you.

Scott, your Audi spends most of his trust fund on cocaine.

Ooh, I have a trust fund?

Yeah, you're really wealthy.

Damn.

I mean, Vale is really expensive.

It's very expensive to live there, even as a ski bump.

Yeah.

Scott, your Audi's name is Dan Peterson, but you insist everyone calls you Dr.

Shred.

And I insist on this.

Yeah.

You insist on this.

It's kind of cool.

Actually, is he related to Jordan Peterson?

He is.

Oh, shit.

They're cousins.

My Audi is cousins with Jordan Peterson.

Which means your Innie is too.

Oh, God.

Why do we have different names?

Is that what it's like on the show, too?

Yes, Scott.

Haven't you listened to your friend Adam Scott when he recaps?

Not really.

I'm playing Snake on my phone usually.

You keep a phone just to play Snake on?

And old Milky.

You're cutting back on technology, I see.

Good for you.

So, I mean, this guy, look, everything you said before, Dr.

Shred was kind of lame, but Dr.

Shred makes me sound cool.

So I don't mind this guy at this point.

Does he wear sleeves on his jackets?

No.

All of your winter coats have the sleeves cut off.

Fuck yeah.

That's pretty fucking cool.

That is so fucking cool.

That liquid death tattoo is popping.

Yep.

And you also wear shorts on the ski mountain.

Oh,

not even cold.

Swim shorts.

Swim shorts.

And you wear fun, loud glasses, Scott, to let everyone know you're silly.

Yeah.

Do I wear like old New Year's Eve glasses that say like 2004?

You do.

And you wear boas.

Oh, I love this guy.

Dr.

Shred in the house.

You're a personality in veil.

Your Audi, Scott, pronounces salsa like this.

Salsa.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Your Audi pronounces croissant like this.

Croissant.

Well, that's how I do it, too.

Interesting.

Oh, that's interesting.

Interesting, yeah.

Your Audi pronounces pho like this.

Fo.

Fo, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

See, Scott, your Audi is a wonderful person.

And why are you telling me about this guy?

Because this is our wellness check, Scott.

Okay.

It happens once every few months.

Okay.

And God, I hope I did a good job.

Did I do good?

I guess.

I mean, it didn't seem like you checked on my wellness at all as much as you just told me about this other guy.

Doesn't that make you feel better learning about your Audi?

I guess so.

I mean, yeah, I'm glad to hear he's doing great.

I mean, to be honest, is there ever like a take your Audi to Work Day or anything like this where we can switch?

You're silly, Scott.

We can't be reintegrated.

Did your friend Adam Scott tell you about that?

I'm sure he did, but

is this like the substance?

That's one I have seen where you both won.

No, it's not like the substance.

Demi Moore also famously severed.

Yeah.

Oh.

Demi Moore was severed too?

Yeah, very early.

Which one owned the town with Bruce Willis?

Not the DVD of the movie.

The Ben Affleck movie.

I mean, they bought like.

They bought a town.

Yeah, they bought a whole town.

I think that was Demi.

Yeah, I think that was Demi as well.

Yeah.

But this Audi version of you is cool.

Single.

He's smashing puss.

He's smashing puss.

He's got no sleeves on.

He's snowboarding.

And then he spends his summers in Costa Rica.

It's just like me.

When I learned about my Audi, I felt so much better about myself, Scott.

I mean, to be honest, I'm kind of jealous.

I mean, my, I I guess myself, the any,

I have a pretty boring life where I have to talk to, I mean, no disrespect.

Of course, of course, of course.

You know, like, and you're number one on the call sheet, certainly, but

Hulu.

It's a TV thing.

TV thing.

It's a TV.

It's not like, it's not like you're a movie star or anything like that.

And I get that.

And I get that.

Yeah.

You know, so

I mean, compared to Dr.

Shredd.

That's huge.

Well, does Dr.

Shred have an Instagram account that Scott can follow?

Can I check it out?

Unfortunately, no, Scott.

We have blocked you from ever following Dr.

Shred.

No!

Because you know those reels would be so good.

It would be too much for your brain, Scott.

You would get all scrambled and jumbled.

Okay.

Well, I mean, this is kind of disappointing because my life sucks in comparison.

Scott, it's going to be okay.

You're outie.

Oh, God.

Am I doing a bad job?

No, I just feel like you keep saying you're doing a bad job.

Oh, God, I'm so stressed.

It depends on what your job is.

Can I just tell you my experience of listening to you?

What?

You came here, told me about a cabal, and you said, as you know, a lot, which this is the first time I've seen you.

As you know, Scott, the cabal loves you.

Okay, but

then you told me about this really cool, shredding,

awesome dude.

That's your Audi.

And then you said it's a wellness check, and I'm just kind of jealous of this guy.

Oh, God.

I guess I'm doing a really bad job.

I guess.

What did you intend to do?

Well, I intended to make you feel better.

You know, I felt so much better when I learned that my Audi lives in Minnesota.

Oh, Rick, why were you shredded?

And my Audi is.

Or just shredded.

Shredded?

I'm shredded because I go to...

Wouldn't that show be better if it was called Doctor Shredder?

Yeah, yeah.

Let's be honest.

Yeah, I feel much better.

Yeah, Apple.

Call him up.

Go ahead.

Apple TV's new show, Doctor Shredded.

Doctor Shredder.

So

what did you get severed for?

I got severed because I'm a commercial actor.

Oh, you are?

It was too much on my little brain.

What have you been in?

Yeah.

I was in a toothpaste commercial commercial where they put the toothpaste in the woman's mouth.

And she just gargles it?

Yeah, they put a whole tube of toothpaste in her mouth.

Oh, whoa.

And she just.

And that was supposed to be better than brushing?

Yeah, it's just sort of been just one tube a day.

Yeah, they say one tube a day.

And basically, I squeeze the whole thing.

I put the whole tube in my mouth and I bite down and then I pull the whole thing out and then my cheeks are full of.

And then you just spit it all out.

And I spit it out and I smile and I go, crest, white strips.

Oh, it's white strips.

White strips.

Holy shit.

That was a confusing commercial.

That's a nice command.

Now, this is not you, though.

This is your innie.

That's my innie.

But my Audi, her name is Janet Smith, Scott.

She lives in Minnesota.

Wait a minute.

She has four kids.

I thought you were the Audi because you're doing a job.

No, Scott.

I'm an innie.

I work my day job at the cabal.

I'll do a commercial.

This is

a good idea.

So that you all know who I am.

Tana and my Audi.

And my Audi is named Janet Smith.

She lives in Minnesota.

She has kids named Huxton, Braxton, Jackston, and Pug.

Oh, a Pug is a dog or a person named Pug?

I feel like I've heard these names before.

No.

I feel like someone else I know.

That can't be.

That can't be.

Feels familiar.

Then I'm a therapist, part-time therapist.

We would have to be part-time.

And I have an Instagram account.

Wait, but why is she called the Rapist Janet Smith?

Oh, no.

Why is your Audi also have a job?

Is your Audi severed from that job as well?

Scott, no, of course not.

You really have to watch this show.

You have to watch the show.

It's a Hollywood thing?

My Audi lives in.

No!

Oh, God, I got angry.

I'm not supposed to get angry.

You're separated from your job and your home life.

But now you're saying it's a Hollywood life and a therapist job?

Scott, I have my Audi's life where I also work a job.

And then when I work industry jobs, I become my innie.

It's so obvious and clear it makes perfect sense all right awesome do you want to hear about your i

would love to hear that because this is not what i thought i thought this was a podcast about like recipes and general wellness and to come here this particular podcast yeah yeah i'm sorry i apologize for that it's it's uh bad work my assistant emailed me and said bring your best like chicken picada recipe yeah and i was like okay the capers are the key yeah the capers are the key and i was and i had i have i'm wearing that on the hoodie right now

the capers are the key.

But to come here and actually get blindsided with this level of just like deep information is like a lot, but I'm ready for it.

When you're ready,

I mean, look, this is your breakout role.

This is my breakout role.

So

I need to know.

What was your first credit?

My first credit on TV was,

I believe,

TV show was Up All Night.

which was with it was a show with uh will arnett maya rudolph and christina applegate that's right Where they were parents.

And in the pilot,

they were sitting on the stoop.

Something like that.

Someone with a doggie walked by and they had a poop bag and they

yelled on the poop.

And you were the guy?

Was this me?

No, no, no.

I played like a person interviewing for a job later in the seasons, and they were so sweet to me.

Were they?

They actually were very nice.

Were they?

Because after that credit,

you got severed.

Whoa.

That's right, Asif.

You came to us and you had your severed operation.

Oh, God.

Your Audi, Asif,

lives in South Carolina.

Not South Carolina.

Not even North Carolina.

Not even North Carolina.

When it's so far away.

Not even North Carolina.

And who does the traveling?

Why are they all connecting flights?

Because I don't remember doing any flights.

Scott, everyone, your Audi flies for you.

And you should be very grateful.

Is there an upping flip?

Flying is not an enjoyable experience.

Is there an upping for the flights?

An uppie and a down.

Yeah.

We're working on that technology now.

The cabal is working.

Okay, so I live in South Carolina.

Is it at least like a cool part of South Carolina or kind of bald?

You live in Myrtle Beach.

Okay.

Okay.

You are a salesman.

Oh, fuck.

You wear salmon-colored shorts.

What is he sales?

And plaid shirts.

Okay, what am I selling?

Shoes.

What am I selling?

Like, ankles exposed?

Ankles is exposed.

No socks.

Oh, God.

No socks?

Not even the ankle socks?

No.

Just my nose.

When you wear dress shoes, you don't wear socks.

Oh, God.

Just rank ass feet at a wedding.

Oh, God.

What's he sell?

What's he selling?

Yeah.

He sells soil.

Soil?

Fuck.

I'm selling dirt.

Soil sells itself.

No, it doesn't.

You make calls like this.

Y'all need to.

You need to make this sale work for me.

You need to make it work.

And I put on this voice much akin to Bobby Jindal in Louisiana, the politician.

That's right.

Oh, no.

Yeah, you talk.

And how do I differentiate different versions of soil to upsell?

Well, it depends on how much sand is in the soil.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, so cheap soil uses a lot of sand.

Mostly sand.

They cut it down with sand.

And you say,

this are cheap soil.

This one has just our 87% sand.

90% sand.

And 2% soil.

And a bunch of other rocks.

And if it's

a bunch of other rocks.

Not even a percentage, just a bunch.

A bunch of rocks.

that's what you say and I deliver it you deliver it hand deliver it in a horse and buggy oh shit and that's part of my charm that's part of your charm this guy sounds like he sucks he's no dr shred yeah he sucks do I have a catchphrase like steez yeah

you go

is that a dirt shirt a dirt shirt

who do I say that to anybody what is a dirt dirt shirt is that a dirt just to anybody wearing a shirt because I'm a dirty shit anyone wearing a shirt you say is that a dirt shirt It's kind of a funny catchphrase, honestly.

Everyone says, what are you talking about?

And you say, oh, hi.

Hi.

We're in the dirt business.

Yeah.

90% sand.

Uh-huh.

And a bunch of rocks.

And a bunch of rocks.

I'm kind of coming around on this guy.

I got to be honest.

Is that a dirt shirt?

It's a pretty cool catchphrase.

Pretty cool catchphrase.

Is that a dirt shirt?

It does sound cool coming out of my mouth.

Yeah, yeah.

Don't you feel better, awesome?

I do feel better.

Knowing about your Audi.

Do I have a family?

Hopefully, I'm not like Dr.

Shredding.

and i have a family

is he lonely like he is right now

or yeah am i a single man in like in real life or do i have a beautiful family that cares for me you're you actually have a huge family oh god i love that how huge are we talking you have eight kids yeah eight kids yeah no up top

three of them live in the attic oh oh two of live them live in the basement wait is my family separated i have joint i have joint custody of my own kids in the same house.

Severed their own kids.

You're not allowed to go upstairs or downstairs.

What?

Oh,

but you have a few who live in the car who you can see when you go on errands.

So, like, a couple are in the attic, a couple are in the basement, a couple are just living.

What kind of car do I have?

Is it big?

Is it Saturn?

Oh, that's so small.

It's all for three kids.

You also have a Mazda.

Oh, a Mazda three.

Miata.

Oh, Miata, even smaller.

It's really small.

That's for like a baby, maybe.

Your Audi has a tiny car.

Oh, shit.

A fiat.

Oh, God.

So I own a fiat.

His outie has three cars.

That is kind of cool.

He can't travel everywhere with all of his kids because he's a single parent.

What if you got a motorcade?

Yeah, a motorcade or like a tandem

motorcycle.

That would be cool.

Like a side car?

Yeah, a side car.

You attached them all.

That would be cool.

You would have to go down freeways all the time with three lanes.

And then all my little kids would be like, is that a dirt shirt?

Is that a dirt shirt?

Well, this is fascinating stuff.

I think you're doing okay depending on what the intended effect is.

Oh, gosh, I hope so.

I really want to go to a steak brunch.

Now it has to be brunch?

Yeah.

I really want to eat steak in the middle of the day.

How many ounces?

What kind of steak are you eating?

A filet.

Oh, shit.

That's so expensive.

This could be a problem.

A filet-cut porter house with a topping of blue cheese.

A filet and a porterhouse on top of each other and then blue cheese?

It makes sense.

It makes stuff the filet inside of the porterhouse.

I mean, you are

a big person, so that does make sense.

Thank you.

You're like 6'2 ⁇ .

It's all all muscle.

Too tall to be an actor.

You're like a reacher.

Yeah.

But my Audi is doing awesome.

Yeah.

My Audi talks like this.

Oh, okay.

Oh, my God.

What?

No.

That's crazy.

No.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, yeah.

You need to tell me the recipe for this dip

right now.

I need to know what is in this dip now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sounds cool.

I got to say, I want to meet Dr.

Shred one of these days.

I would love it if Dr.

Shredd were to to take over this podcast.

Maybe I could be out there at Saloon.

That would be.

Does my guy have a nickname or something?

Yeah, your nickname is Dart

Dart.

Well, I would love maybe someday in the future.

My character would maybe get a weekend off and go to Vale.

Yeah, our Dr.

Audi hang out with each other.

Fuck, why not?

Our Audis are

after the huge fight of 2005.

We had a fight?

Yes.

Our Audis had a fight in 2005?

Your Audis both tried to drown each other.

What?

In Costa Rica?

Yes.

So there's some sort of restraining order our Audis put out against each other?

Shit.

Some sort of Will Kirby, Mike Boogie type of restraining order?

Dang.

I don't understand that reference.

You don't know early 2000s Big Brother references?

All right, well, this sounds good.

I gotta, I to be honest, I wish I could switch places with Dr.

Shredd.

But this inning right now has to take a break.

Can you stick around, though?

Because it would be interesting to hear

you speak to our next guest as well.

Absolutely.

All right.

Well, we're going to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have more with Miss Macy, more Asifali, and we're going to have a government employee.

This is a back show, everyone.

I hope you're enjoying it.

We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this.

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You know, when you

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I mean, they're two, one's two words and one's one word, first of all.

That's confusing right off the bat.

And then they're totally different

letters, although the A's, there still are two A's, but the G and the M, those aren't in Wayfair, and the W and the

Y is in both.

I mean, this is pretty similar, actually.

Game Day, Wayfair.

I mean, you might think about it, but one reason you should is because Wayfair, right?

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And when you're talking big stuff, here's what I ordered from Wayfair the other day.

I mean, when I say I, I mean Kulop.

Kulop ordered a bunch of holiday stuff.

She ordered a giant skeleton for Halloween,

a rabbit sitting with a ladybug.

I guess that's year-round.

That can just stay out there forever.

So yeah, so Wayfair's not only got stuff for game day, but also has a bunch of holiday stuff that my wife likes.

In any case, Wayfair is your trusted destination for all things game day, from coolers and grills to recliners and slow cookers.

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Comedy Bang Bang, we're back.

We have Asifali from Deliboy

on on Hulu.

All 10 episodes.

I mean, I know you're going to want to binge these things.

I could savor them because another 10 aren't coming probably for another year and another 50 to 70K in the bank.

But we also want you to watch so the algo sees it.

Oh, but what about, what about, I mean, it's not even going to be back for another year.

What about one every six weeks?

I would, oh, no, no, no, no, no.

We can't have that.

We need you to watch all of them and then maybe rewatch one every six weeks.

The cabal is very happy with your work.

Thank you.

Oh, wow.

Thank you so much.

Wow, that's so flattering.

I assume you're talking to me.

No.

She's looking right at me.

The cabal looks forward to what you have in store, Asif.

Oh, my God.

You think I'll maybe get invited to some of the,

I don't know what you're pointing at.

Some of these events?

Some of these Scott was telling me about.

Yeah, Scott was telling me about these freak offs, being like, you know, he was like, wait until the news.

He kept saying, wait until the news dies down and I'll send you an E-vite.

Does Dr.

Shred have freak offs?

Dr.

Shred has no penis.

What?

No!

I don't know how did this get severed?

Dr.

Shred lost his penis in a firefighting accident.

Oh my God.

Why do I still have a penis then?

Allegedly.

Allegedly.

I don't know, Scott.

Take a look.

Is it really there?

I haven't looked at it

in years.

I guess I'm realizing now I haven't been awake during past 5 p.m.

Wow.

Or looked at my penis in years.

And you've never looked better.

Wow.

That's very funny.

That's much awesome.

You're looking better.

The cabal is happy.

Okay.

I'm so glad that you're doing that.

They're very happy with your work on the podcast.

Okay, they are.

Oh, good.

That's very flattering.

The cabal looks forward to watching you blossom.

Okay, I thought I already blossomed, and that's why they were happy.

As in, like, hitting puberty, like a second puberty or something.

Am I going to get a second penis?

I guess it's interesting because you know, when your baby teeth fall out, you get second teeth.

Yeah.

But no one has ever thought about if your penis is cut off, maybe you grow a second penis.

Yeah, or like a

deer in the woods where the antlers fall off and then you get a new pair.

Exactly, yeah.

The Cabal is working on also getting you a donor for a new penis.

Oh, really?

That can be

a donor kind of thing.

Okay, what ethnicity do you want, Scott?

I mean,

don't you?

That's such a great question.

I do have to say.

Let's just say if a network in London.

All right, let's get to our next guest.

Move on from that topic.

I'm already forgetting how to pronounce his last name, but he's a government employee.

Please welcome Russ Saguaro.

You nailed it.

Russ Saguaro.

Russ Saguaro.

Hello, Russ.

Good evening, sir.

Good evening.

It is 10.30, but good evening to you.

Well,

it's evening where I come from.

Oh, where's that, sir?

Well, of course, Texas.

It's only two hours ahead.

Yeah.

It's a Texas evening.

Texas evening?

12.30.

You're already winding down.

Yeah, I'm kicking my feet up.

Hello.

How are you doing, sir?

So nice to see you.

So wonderful to meet you.

And likewise, this is Miss Macy.

Hello.

Greetings.

The cabal.

Welcome to you.

I don't know what that means, but it sounds Jewish.

Oh,

shit.

And that's good.

I have no opinion of it.

Oh, no.

Didn't Madonna get into the cabal?

I guess she did.

Throw that string around her.

I think Demi Moore, the aforementioned Demi Moore.

Oh, that's right.

She mentioned that on the What the Fuck podcast.

But

it's nice to meet you.

I don't want to interrupt.

I know you're a guest on the show.

You're not interrupting.

This is our segment for you.

That's how I kind of got in here,

was to say I'm a guest, but I'm renting out that room.

Oh, that's right.

Yes, I rented the room.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, my assistant took care of a lot of it.

Well, I appreciate that.

I'm in L.A.

for the

well, I work for the water company.

I'm a water man.

Yes, that's right.

Yes.

When you work for the water company, what does that mean?

Well, I work for Colean solving water-based issues that the normal Hollywood man wouldn't be able to handle.

You know, they need a gritty man with his feet on the ground to

get a diss right now.

Yeah, I mean, try us.

Just because we've both been number one on the college and various shows that we've done.

Just because

you you can't hate us because we're beautiful, you have to give us a chance.

Certainly, not because I was on The Huntress back in 2001 playing Phil Hagel, a magician.

That's the episode where I stopped watching The Huntress.

Wow.

In the middle of my scene, or

if they cannot cast under five well, then what sort of a guy had 10 lines at least?

Oh, it was a 10 line.

I didn't even get it.

It was a full scene.

I didn't even get it.

It was very traumatic for you, Scott.

I had a last name and everything.

That's huge.

Wow.

First name is big.

Last name is huge.

It's my understanding of the industry.

Tell us about these water-based.

Well, I don't like coming out here to California, but the job takes me where it takes me.

I'm a loner and I don't want to be bothered by nobody.

Okay.

Why are you on this show?

Well, because I'm having trouble.

The sling I thought had the Johnny Carson network on it, and I'm having trouble logging into your sling

and getting the Johnny Carson channel, which plays every episode.

And if I'm not mistaken, a sling is the precursor to like those

TV boxes, like you can, like a mask.

Like a Raku that you can plug into.

It used to be something that you could

literally sling your cable box to.

And now it's an app or something.

Oh, I have no idea.

Where I come from,

we watch the three channels they give you.

I love that.

But I'm staying here in Hollywood.

Have you met Max Silvestri, by the way?

He was big

in the Johnny Carson huge festival out there.

Yes, Nebraska, I believe, is where is that where Johnny Carson Carson is from?

I don't know.

I don't follow where people are from because I'm not all plugged into Dumois or whatever.

The fact that you know Dumois is crazy.

I don't know what that fancy thing is.

It doesn't just say where people are from.

It usually gossips about.

That's maybe why they never print my blind items.

So you're just sending Dumois biographical information about stars?

A certain Star Wars star lives in Cala Pasas.

Dang.

It's true.

So guys,

is our water okay?

Well,

you know how it's all run.

There's some big corporate fat cats at the top making the DWP.

The Department of Water and Power,

but, you know, they're paid by the Culligans, Sparklets, big water.

Oh, really?

I didn't know this.

So, like, Arrowhead, Culligans,

Nestle.

And they make such good chocolate, but their water is so shitty.

Well, because you're expecting chocolate.

Yeah, that's the thing.

I'm like, give me a hint of chocolate.

Yeah.

Hey, now

a note of dark chalk.

But even this, my social battery is drained.

I'm a loner.

I don't need to spend too much time around.

For a loner, you've really, you're talking a lot.

And you said due to the law, which is crazy.

To me, I keep to myself.

I just have to deal with it.

You asked to be on this show.

You wrote a letter to Scott.

Well, that was mostly because I needed to get in contact with him because I'm having trouble.

So I have a YouTube video on my phone,

but I want to watch it on the TV.

Okay, so you need some sort of way to cast.

Yes, it used to be

what you're watching is just on the TV.

But now I'm trying to watch this video of what you're talking about.

Why don't you just watch it on your phone?

Because I want it big.

What's the video?

Gustavo Dudamel conducts models

at the Los Angeles Philharmonic.

Right.

I love that.

That's so manly of you.

If you were to just watch TV, one of those things would pop up.

Either Gustavo Dudamel, is that who it is?

Or a Mahler thing or the LA Philharmonic.

Well, I tried, and then I get some movie by Louis Mahler.

You know, it used to be so easy, but the world you all like is so different from the world we live in.

Time aloner.

I hate my ex-wife.

I hate my beautiful daughter because they sap from me all the time.

I see.

Do they not talk to you?

Oh, my ex-wife,

I'm incredibly cruel to her, and she's still obsessed with me all the time.

It is a boomer's dream.

She's beautiful.

She's 30 years younger than me.

Oh, how old is your daughter?

My daughter is 18.

She's going to be bunked out.

When did she turn 18?

Oh, God.

Scott again is writing notes down right now.

The cabal sends an email alerting you when someone has turned 18.

Is that where those come from?

Well, you know.

So you see,

your wife

had your daughter when she was 12.

Oh, no, no, I'm sorry.

You said she was 30 years younger than you.

How old are you?

I am whatever.

Let's see, 48.

So she's 18 and has an 18-year-old daughter?

That's right.

And they drive me crazy.

You know women.

They drive me crazy because I'm just a man in the world, and every day a new woman comes along who can't solve her problems.

And I'm just trying to leave town, but they're asking me to help them figure out how to get their student tickets to a UCB show.

And I got to say, well, you don't get student tickets for the weekend shows.

You got to sign up for the website for Herald Night or Mod Night.

It used to be you could just show up and wait in line.

But things are different now, Scott.

I've never said this before, but TMI.

Yeah, yeah.

TMI about IMPROV.

Yeah.

I want you to know that the Cabal did get your application for an IMTV credit.

Yeah.

Wait, you were in something?

What were you in?

Well, I have been appearing in the background.

You know those people who maybe you don't, but they show up at La Poo Bell and they film everyone going in and they say, apparently you support Danny Masterson.

Oh shit.

I've heard about this.

I have appeared in the background of six of those videos because I can't stop getting ice cream from Van Lewin two doors.

Okay, these are very specific.

LA reference.

LA reference.

Well, you asked me why I want to be on IMDB.

I have now been in six videos licking up my Van Lewin ice cream, different one every time.

Does Scientology own La Pubelle?

Yes.

I don't think they

is all alleged stuff.

Yes.

No.

Yes.

Wait, Scott Ackerman is saying with 100% certainty on the pod that Scientology owns and is working on it.

Scott Ackerman just said that.

They're across the street from each other and they wrote a letter.

You used to know who owned what.

Why did the world?

You would walk into a store and you knew that, you know.

They would have a picture of the owner on the wall.

Yes.

The employee of the month right next to him.

Now I don't know who owns what.

Every company is owned by three companies.

The world.

It's no country for watermen.

Why did La Cobal get rid of the menus?

So you've been in recently.

Despite their stance on Danny Masterson.

The Cabal goes and eats there regularly.

Oh, okay.

Oh, do they have like a discount?

They do, but they don't have steak dinner anymore, which is so frustrating.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They don't have it at the time you're going in.

Yeah, they don't have it at 9 a.m.

when I wanted it.

Oh, 9 a.m.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I actually,

may I,

may you get me a water real quick, please?

Oh,

just for a quick moment.

10 seconds.

Sure.

Okay.

Okay.

That's okay.

It's right over there.

The kitchen's right over there.

Yes.

Scott, awesome.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's up?

Russ Saguaro?

On her way in,

she dropped a little remote that I think if I click it, it will bring your

Audi to here.

Oh, shit.

It'll

click the little thing in your brain.

The switch?

It'll switch you.

I heard about Dr.

Shredd, and I really want to.

I would love to.

I want to meet Dr.

Shredd, too.

Yeah.

Click it if you guys want.

I'd love to.

I mean, my guy's pretty boring, but.

Oh, I just got it.

I feel like if you click it for both of us, that we're going to, we have these restraining orders.

We might get it all together.

Why is everyone talking about my stale trail mix?

I didn't know if that was a euphemism.

It's just.

Could you?

No, not that water.

I have this thing called Circle, C-I-R-K-U-L.

I want you to put that in the bottle, and I can change the strength of the flavor.

You are very L.A.

for a Texas loan.

Well, on the water, man.

I mean, you came in with a tote bag.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm subscribed to you.

A Gelson's tote bag.

I subscribed subscribed to the Gelson's monthly newsletter.

Right.

Because

I'm trying to get dragon fruit.

Do you have a KCRW?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, hi, hi.

Hey, hi.

Sorry.

Here's the challenge.

All right.

Click.

Yay!

Dr.

Shred here.

Dr.

Shred, hi.

You are in your Audi's

podcast room.

I figured that the minute I saw what's going on in this place.

Oh, no.

Oh, God.

His Audi's here.

Oh, my God.

I messed up so bad.

Did somebody ask for a dirt shirt?

Hey!

Motherfucker!

What are you doing here?

Hey, fuck you.

I thought I killed you in Costa Rica, you dumb bitch.

You couldn't kill me, motherfucker.

Oh, round two.

Round two.

Cheesy, son of a bitch.

Everybody, stop fighting.

Oh, shit.

That was not.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, God.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Yeah, you want some dirt, you dumb bitch?

No, I want some dip.

Do you know where some dip is?

Why did all of you lose your necks?

No one can see this, but everyone's shoulders got a lot higher.

Look at script and physicality for Dr.

Shred.

I'm a method actor.

What did I say?

Thank God you said after meth.

It looks like you all have to be able to do it.

Do we make the same jokes, meet my other guy?

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

My kids.

My kids.

My kids.

I forgot my kids.

Oh, thank god.

I don't have kids.

No, actually, right now you do have one.

And if we don't have to.

How do you know anything about me, motherfucker?

Yeah, fuck this guy.

Why are you all so aggressive?

I brought you here.

I'm on a, I'm

just a simple and

oh, wait a minute.

Can I have someone to say that

I'm based on now?

This trail mix is stale.

Oh, yeah.

Well, let me get you a fresh trail mix.

I saw this.

I think I played Golly.

What's this remote do?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

Oh, I'm back.

Oh, my God.

I messed up so bad.

What happened?

I don't know.

What happened?

You guys.

What happened while we were gone?

We got reintegrated.

I apologize.

You can see that both of your shirts are ripped and your nose a little bit.

My shoulders are

really far down.

I feel like.

Wow.

This is.

You'll notice your mouth is a little dry from a stale trail mix.

Yeah, I have a really bad taste in my mouth.

It went crazy in here.

I brought your,

I'm really having trouble tracking this.

Your Audi

into here.

Dr.

Shred was here, and he was awesome.

I bet.

He was awesome.

Rules.

The soil guy was here?

Yeah, Dirt Shirt.

What is his name, by the way?

His name is Dirt Shirt.

His name is

Catchbridge.

Dirt is his

name.

Well, anywho.

But his real name is Buck Mason.

Oh, Buck Mason.

I started the t-shirt.

Now that's when clothes used to be clothes.

Yeah.

Back then in 2020.

And when it started on Shark Tank.

Yeah.

And so we were changed, but obviously,

Miss Macy here.

We got her

Audi as well.

Oh, no.

You couldn't hear it on Mike, but she immediately put her hand on both of the guys in her thighs.

Oh, no.

I didn't suck into his dick, did I?

In the past, every time my Audi's come, it sucked so many dicks.

I don't know that I have a dick.

Fair.

Oh, geez, God.

Thank God.

I can't afford another kid, so I hope it was just a beach.

It was not, I held everybody back from each other.

Your Audi was doing the thing dogs do, where they keep humping where there's not a dog there, but for a blowjob.

And I didn't know really how to do it.

Oh, God.

Yeah, really.

I wasn't begging for doggy style, was I?

Oh, gosh.

I'm so excited.

I wouldn't call that

doggy style.

I'm so embarrassed.

This happens to me all you guys cannot tell the cabal.

This would be so bad for me.

I didn't have that remote anyway.

Anyone could press that.

What the fuck?

It's supposed to.

I was supposed to give it to the head honcho, but I forgot.

The head honcho?

Yeah.

The head honcho of the cabal.

George Clooney.

George Clooney.

George Clooney.

This makes sense.

Does he play a lot of pranks at the cabal?

He's so silly and funny.

Does he play basketball a lot too?

So much basketball.

He can slam dunk on a four-foot rim.

Hold on.

You know, he was Richard Kind's roommate.

Really?

What?

Yeah, he was Richard Kine's roommate.

Where, where?

In college or something?

Where did they go to?

Richard Kine and George Clooney went to college at the same time.

And you know that Al Gore was Tommy Lee Jones' roommate.

What?

What?

Did you know that Oprey?

Oprey and Ellen,

they were roommates for a while.

They were roommates?

Yeah.

This is cool.

You know, if we're lucky, George Clooney, if we become friends with him, he'll give us a briefcase of a million dollars on his breakfast.

That's right.

If we're one of his top 12 friends or something.

Yeah.

By the way, he's so much richer now.

I know.

Like, I think this is the smart thing about George Clooney.

Oh my gosh.

He realizes he's going to have hundreds of millions of dollars in the future, so he gives all of his friends like a million.

A measly

million.

Wait, Miss Macy, is that you still you?

Or is this?

Oh my god, no, did I give it away?

No.

I just want to suck someone's dick.

You didn't change back.

You have to kick your back out.

You suck someone's dick.

Oh, cool.

Well, hang on.

Let's see where this is going.

No, hit the button.

Hold on, man.

You live at Scott's house.

You can't have that kind of diversity.

In my day, if a lady offered a blow.

Don't hit that button.

You're in denial tonight.

Gosh.

Oh, no.

That got close.

What just happened?

You almost sucked this dude's dick.

I couldn't get it hard.

I apologize.

It was too overwhelming.

It was too overwhelming.

That's not really what happened.

We asked you to hit the button.

I didn't realize there was a cover.

That's why I let you, I was embarrassed.

Oh, my gosh.

I could hold a button.

That was so bad.

You guys, God,

I'm going to get fired for sure.

No, no, I know it's your first day and you've only been working about two hours today.

And you haven't been invited to a steak brunch yet.

Yeah, first days are doing okay.

They're usually overwhelming the first day of it.

They don't track this kind of stuff of when our Audi is in any switch places or anything like that.

This wasn't recorded or anything, was it?

I mean, this is kind of a podcast that we're going to release.

I think.

But those people won't listen.

No, no one would listen.

Okay, few.

Yeah, no one listens to podcasts in the cabal.

Certainly not Dr.

Shred.

No, no, no, no, no.

He doesn't have time for stupid podcasts.

Buck Mason doesn't have the time between his eight kids to listen to a podcast.

Yeah, and just three cars.

Just three cars, three small cars.

Or just buy just one giant one.

Yeah, or I could just buy a van.

Maybe that's for the future.

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, how come you weren't severed?

He was.

Oh, yeah, he was severed.

Did you switch?

I haven't told you about you.

Because you were landman during that.

I turned into landmark.

Why do you remember everything?

I guess my Audi is Landman.

And why do you remember remember what

Paramount Plus is Landman?

Oh, no.

Yeah,

I've kind of integrated a little more with my unconscious.

Because you're still, you don't have your IMDb page yet.

Yeah, I'm not fully there.

He's not fully done

with his IMDb page.

Oh, okay.

We're working on it.

And the cabal is welcoming you.

Yeah, we'll get there.

Kind of easy.

I mean, I know people whose funnier die videos are from 15 years ago are on the IMDb.

They started putting porn on IMDb.

No, they didn't.

Really?

If you watch it or if you're in it?

Oh, no.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Whoa, Scott, you are rising in the ranks.

My star meters through the roof.

Now, look, Russ, did we get to your thing?

I had a blast.

I mean, really, all I really wanted to do was get Johnny Carson on the slip.

I'll see what I can do.

I apologize.

I apologize for this.

It seems like we took

a left turn here, but we are running out of time.

I apologize.

We really,

unfortunately only have one time for one final feature on the show, and that, of course, is a little something called plugs.

Yeah.

Hey Laura,

it's me, Bridgets from Bridget.

It was a typical English morning, but got to the sounds of plugs.

Wow.

Wow, that was Love Bridge by Alex Shattuck.

Thank you, Alex Shaddock, for that wonderful plug submission.

If you have a plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com/slash plugs, and you can be famous for a week.

And Alex, you are famous for a week.

And

speaking of being famous,

our guest of honor, of course, is rocketing to fame.

Yes.

Number one on the call sheets.

What do you want to plug, Osif?

Okay, so Deliboys is out on Hulu right now.

And if you're in England, it's on Disney Plus.

And if you're outside of that internationally, it's on Hot Star.

And I'm also going to go on tour doing stand-up starting April.

You can find all the dates on my Instagram page.

That's at AliComedy, A-O-I Comedy.

All right.

And where are you going in your tour?

I'm going, we're adding dates as they go along, but this first batch, we have San Diego, we have Dallas, we have Philly, we have

Charlotte and Chicago.

Some great cities.

And there's no better time out at the theater than seeing Ossive do stand-up comedy.

Make sure you check out that and Deliboys.

All right.

Miss Macy, what do you plug?

My Audi loves to listen to Comedy Bing Bang World.

Oh, my

God.

Loves this book changed my life.

Hey, Randy.

And going deep.

Wow.

Along with other good shows on said podcast platform.

That's right.

My Audi loves the Instagram handle at

wherever I can find it.

It's like an escape room trying to find this

Instagram handle.

When you spell it correctly, an incredible profile will pop up.

Yeah, but it's so hard to do.

But it's very hard to find.

And there is another one.

There are two Lily Sullivans.

So there's one Lily Sullivan that's really hot and young.

What does she do?

She's an actor.

Oh, she was in things like,

what was it again?

She's actually in an upcoming movie, Megan, too.

She's in the friendly movie.

She's in Megan too.

Aristotle Atari.

Oh, Aristotle.

He's also in Megan 2.

He's a part of the cabal.

Oh, shit.

He's grandfathered in, yeah.

So, which one of them is going to have to change their name?

Has that come up yet?

It's probably going to be the shorter, uglier, older one.

Older, too.

I didn't realize.

She's all of those things.

Wow.

So when you search in Instagram, the name Lily Sullivan, just go one down and you'll find her.

She's shorter.

She's smaller.

Do you think the comedian one gets a lot of like, wow, what a hot girl to do comedy.

And then

disappointed when

I have that with the other Asif Ali.

Yeah, there is another actor who's Asif Ali.

Same spelling, same everything.

Way more famous South Asian actor.

You have to really

add comedy

to it when you're Googling.

So go to the second one.

Same thing.

I'm shorter.

Wow.

That's so exciting for you.

Yeah.

Are you on IMTB Osafelli 2?

No, he's not in

SAG because he works in India.

So I have that.

I don't have to change my name.

Thank God.

I would have changed it to Buck Mason.

I would have done it.

The cabal loves you.

Thank you.

All right, Russ.

What are you plugging here?

Well,

go ahead.

Clear your throat.

Do whatever you need to do in order to

smoke cigarettes and I drink my Tom Hollands non-alcoholic bureau.

So it does

it's incredible.

It's beer without the alcohol.

Wow.

Seems like the only reason people brave the taste of beer is to get a buzz.

Not in Texas.

In Texas, you just want to have the beer in hand and we're all grateful for Tom Holland for creating a non-alcoholic beer that you can drink.

You sound like a drag, by the way.

I sound like a drag?

Yeah, just like hanging out with you in Texas, but I know you don't don't even want it.

You're a loner.

I wouldn't want to hang, Scott.

I love you.

I love an 11th hour takedown.

You have an 18-year-old ex-wife and an 18-year-old daughter, which I don't know how it's possible.

36-year-old ex-wife, 18-year-old daughter.

My ex-wife was 18 when we were.

No, but you're 48.

And you're 30 years older.

Someone's going to jail.

We just don't know.

Not by Texas law.

I will protect you.

I'll protect you.

I'm in.

I'll plug Russ Saguaro Hollywood.

That's my Instagram.

That's where you can get all my reviews of

houses.

And then go check out those La Pu Bell videos, obviously.

Yeah, if you're eating what flavors do you have when you're in the Van Lewinsky?

Vegan cookies and cream.

Right.

Okay.

It's disgusting.

No milk.

She has a night out with you.

A horrific.

You just have non-alcoholic drinks.

A bureau and a non-alcoholic.

Well, a bureau and a vegan cookies and cream is my kind of night.

You seem like a guy who would hate vegan stuff.

Oh, no.

Well, I don't like the fake meats.

Don't try to trick me.

But if I'm somewhere like, well, I don't know.

What if they're not trying to trick you and they're just open and honest about

that's what things used to be like.

Okay.

That's what it used to be like.

It's all different now, Scott.

All right.

Do you have anything else you're going to plug?

At Dan Lippert Cool is another Instagram.

Go to the CBB World.

CBB.

What is it?

Presents?

CBB Presents.

Yeah.

For

Bill Walton's podcast, Eat Prey Dunk, where him and Mark Rennie are writing a pilot called Entourage, A-U-N-T-O-R-A-G-E,

tracking that.

And hey, Randy.

And then go to biggrandewebsite.com for podcasts or listen to the Man Dog pod for in-provin conversation podcasts.

Oh, wonderful.

These are all good plugs.

Thank you.

I want to plug.

They mentioned CBB World.

Go out, head out there for all of your comedy needs.

You have every episode of Comedy Bang Bang, as well as every live episode we ever did.

We also have shows like The Neighborhood Listen, College Town, Scott Hasn't Seen.

We're in the middle of month month right now, which is so exciting, where every movie

has a different month in the title.

Oh,

cool.

I believe we just watched,

what did we just watch?

April Fool's Day, and we have September 5 coming up this Friday.

Wow, these sound like great movies.

Yeah, we also watched, what was Sweet November with Charlize Theron and Keanu Reeves?

I don't think I have ever watched a movie with a month in it that I remember liking.

Really?

Yeah.

So you're not a fan of Born on the Fourth of July, a story about one of our great movies.

I mean, yes.

I think that's the only one.

Patriots.

That's the only one, I think.

Is there another one you can think of?

What about The Hunt for Red October?

Okay.

Okay, fair enough.

Fair enough.

Okay, I take it back.

My whole stance is wrong, and I apologize on that.

I'd love to have you on

May, December.

We unfortunately have seen that.

That covers

two months.

Yeah, that's the ideal month-month movie, but unfortunately, I saw it.

But you can check out all those shows over at cbbworld.com.

Also, while you're over there, you can get our new action figures, the Randy and Carissa action figures.

They're on sale now.

Get them to complete your set.

They are available for customers worldwide at figurecollections.com with free shipping with a U.S.

address or in Europe with cheaper import fees at actionfigureseller.com.

Also, Sprague and Big Sue, I believe, are still available.

And tour exclusives of J.W.

Stillwater and Scott Auckerman are also available.

All righty, let's close up the old plug back.

Open the plug back with me.

Open up, open

up, open

up, open up, open up the plug bag,

2025.

I'm talking open up the plug bag, and then you are alive.

Open the plug back, open the plug back, open the plug back, open the plug back, open the plug back, open the plug back, open the plug back, open the plug back.

All right, yes, that was open up the plug bag by tie-tie.

Thank you to tie-tie,

And, guys, I want to thank you so much.

Osuf, so wonderful to meet you and continue success to you.

I hope that you never slip down lower than five on any other call sheet you're ever.

I swear to God, if it ever happens to me, you'll see me on the news.

And I expect you to call me the minute you hear about your renewal.

Yeah, the exclusive.

It will be a CBB exclusive.

I will let you know.

I love that.

Don't clear it through Hulu or anything.

Or my lawyers or anything.

It'll be a huge legal battle, but it'll be worth it.

I love the show.

Miss Macy, thank you so much for being here.

Scott.

Yes.

It has been so exciting and pleasurable to talk about your Audi.

Thank you so much.

I enjoyed hearing about it.

I enjoy, I guess I didn't meet him, but he sounds cool.

But your Audi

doesn't read.

Oh, whoa, bomb at the end of the show.

Wow.

Your Audi.

Dr.

Shredd?

Dr.

Shredd doesn't read?

That doesn't sound like Dr.

Shredd.

What the fuck?

Your Audi doesn't vote.

Doesn't vote?

That makes sense, though.

That makes more sense.

That fully dropped.

It's hard hard to get down to a major town.

From Vale all the way to a hill.

I'm not having a ski to a voting booth.

And if you're in Costa Rica, you got to go to the U.S.

Embassy.

That makes sense.

Your Audi

is gluten-free.

Okay.

Okay.

Why does he have a body like this then?

Yeah.

And Russ

Saguaro.

You nailed it.

Did we get to your thing?

I feel like I.

Oh, I had a blast, Scott.

There's no thing for me.

You're basically a landman.

Well, I'm a waterman.

Yeah, but I haven't seen that either.

I wish people would stop coming on the show doing parodies of things I haven't seen.

Well, you don't need the context.

You've got to be like Osif over here, like, you know, give me a good two hours between booking and

being on the show where I can catch up on the thing.

You don't need the context to understand me, Scott.

A simple watermark on my own.

I'm a simple waterman.

Speaking of water,

I don't use these newfangled bidets, so I'm going to uninstall the one in my room and just dip my butt in the toilet water when I'm really like.

I used to do in Texas.

Please don't.

Please dip your butt wherever you like, just outside of the house.

By the way, how much are you paying Scott to rent this room?

Let's see.

Carry the three.

Yeah, because he said yearly divided by 12.

So I just gave him a yearly and then he's dividing it.

And then I'm going to divvy it up and we'll just see how long you're here.

So his YTD is about 140k.

Holy shit.

But that's Culligan's money.

Sure, yeah.

Cole's pain.

You're a simple waterman.

I don't need much.

All right.

Well, speaking of not needing much, we are out of time.

We have to go, but we'll see you next time.

Thanks.

Bye.

Adios.

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