A Disgusting Episode

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And I'm not just talking about fresh breath.

It's important to switch up your routine whenever you can.

I just, I'm the person who can't help but chew.

You put up an a mint in your mouth, you're supposed to suck on it.

I'm like,

swallow.

So I kind of need gum.

You turn into a cartoon dog.

I'm sorry.

Next time we hang out, I'm giving you a mint just to see what happens.

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Rated M for mature.

Good evening, gentle listener or watcher, and welcome to Distractible.

This this episode businesslike bob potty trains james shows scott's brutality and trials his troops to predict the providence of products winnowing wade cares for the elderly makes an admittance and says no to textures mannequin mark rejects poop fiction defends curiosity then plugs wounds and kills vorts from car car cartoons to immobile pontiffs

it's time for a disgusting episode.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello, everybody.

Welcome back to another episode of Distractible.

That's right, you're listening to my favorite podcast.

It's the only thing I listen to.

My car, the shower, while I sleep.

This is the only show I listen to.

I'm...

Wade, what are you laughing at?

What's so funny?

I love the whole.

I was just thinking, you know, a thing that some people do before they speak out loud.

Not you.

I've never done that.

I know.

Anyway, if you'd never see the show before, I'm hosting because I won the last one, which means that I am hosting.

See, this is why you think.

This is why I need time to think, Wade.

This is what happens.

I'm hosting, and Mark and Wade are competing.

to see who will host the next one.

One of them will host the next one.

Unless I win, which isn't technically impossible, but I don't think that's going to happen.

You guys are on it today, right?

How you do?

How are we feeling today?

Pretty good, ben.

Hey, question, guys.

Does it look like I'm wearing a jacket and no shirt?

Yes.

A little bit, yeah.

Are you wearing like the deepest V in existence or what's going on, brother?

Oh, there it is.

I thought you were going for the Hugh Hefner today.

I thought you just came in a robe with a hat.

But I just, I realized like I could technically just, I guess, show up in a jacket and no shirt and maybe no one would question it.

Listeners, definitely not questioning it.

Honestly, like some people online would be like, Did you guys notice?

Nah, whatever.

Just doing it.

It's probably doing something.

It's fine.

Anyway, so just wanted to put that out there into the world.

Well, now I can't stop thinking about Mark not wearing a shirt.

So thanks for that.

It would be really funny if I secretly took it off and then throughout the episode, I just started like standing up on my tippy toes.

You just keep pulling.

It's actually not connected.

It's just straps up over your shoulders.

You just slowly keep pulling pulling it down as it goes on.

Nah, it really goes down.

It really goes.

It's stupid stretchy.

That's the thing.

It's like very stretchy.

If you're not wearing a shirt and we get the bonus point for match your background, your skin tone right on.

That's true, yeah.

I'm

pretty matching.

I am not today.

Well, if we get that in an hour from now, won't that be relevant?

And I have to put the photopia.

No, I don't think we need to do that.

It's okay.

Anyway, Miracle of Miracles.

I have an episode prepared again.

Usually I show up with nothing and we just do whatever, and it turns out how it turns out.

I have a script in front of me.

Well, I wouldn't call it a script.

Let's not go crazy.

But I have things.

And we're going to talk about those.

But the tradition is, before we talk about the stuff I have written down, we do small talk.

What's been going on with you guys?

Any flooded toilet poop situations?

Looking at you, Wade?

You have poopy poops?

Well, no, just our poopy cat.

We got those, like, dog training paper things you put down, the little potty pads or whatever.

And he uses them about 60% of the time.

So we have had about 60% less poopy floor.

That's an improvement.

Yeah, that's the only poopy update I've got.

He just decided against litter boxes forever, huh?

We think it has something to do with him going through kidney failure to some extent.

Yeah, well.

Keeters has been around.

I think he is 18, about 18.

When I'm 18 years old, I'll poop whoever I want to.

I've decided.

Do you still multiply by seven for cats to figure out their age?

Is he like 140 or something?

I don't actually know.

How old is cats?

That's what I'll Google.

How old is cats?

How old is cats?

That was a great question.

A cat's first year of life is equivalent to about 15 years of human life.

And the second year is nine more.

And after that, they're generally around four human years.

Of course, cats are more complex.

Dogs is like, yeah, just seven, multiply by seven.

And cats is like, well, it's 15 years and then it's seven years and that's like one year, but then it's like eight years.

Do math.

I'm a cat.

24 plus 16 times 4 in parentheses.

I'm not doing that.

That's how old he is.

It's pretty old.

Yeah.

That's good, though.

That's a 60% poop improvement.

Mark, how much is your poop improved?

My poop is greater than 60%?

Like, probably

80%, I would say, improvement.

You know, actually, I realize I don't want to talk about that poop at all.

Sorry.

I find this topic disgusting.

You know, actually, I'm going to know, but

it could be any poop improvement.

That's not the poop that comes out of you exclusively, obviously.

Let me get so personal with you, dude.

You know, I just don't need anyone knowing that I poop.

I just don't need people knowing that.

I got a book I think you should read, Mark.

It's going to really change your life.

Crazy Caterpillar?

It's called Everybody Poops.

Oh.

And James is reading it a lot right now.

Check it out.

I've seen that book.

That book is fucking disgusting.

The grossest book I've ever seen.

Potty trading, potty training in general.

Like, I don't know what I thought it was going to be, but it's more concerning that I expected.

Like, one method of potty training is your baby doesn't wear pants now.

Your baby is just full Winnie the Pooh.

And if and when they start peeing or pooping while you're just doing like everyday life, like you're in the living room and they just start going.

You just pick them up and run to the bathroom and be like, in the toilet, in the toilet, in the toilet.

That's so terrifying.

It's a technique that I'm not going to do.

And then like James is interested in the toilet now.

And the other day I was like, ooh, dad needs to go to the bathroom.

Hang on.

And Mandy was like, oh, maybe James wants to see how the bathroom works.

And I was like,

oh, why would he want to see that?

That doesn't sound good.

And I thought about it and I was like, no, that's actually what I'm supposed to do, isn't it?

I'm supposed to bring my son into the toilet so we can talk about how toilets work.

And I can, it's con, I don't like it, it's concerning.

It's good that he'll be able to use a toilet at the end of it, but all the rest of the in-between parts, I never thought all the way through how that works and I don't care for it.

Make it less concerning.

Get one of those things they use to bypass drug test, the Wizonator.

And you can use that to demonstrate.

Interesting.

That sounds worth it, probably.

I have a question.

Because I just looked up the book Everybody Poops, expecting to find the page that I saw in a store one day.

Sure.

And I'm not seeing it.

What book did I see that was like

a madman scrawling of a bunch of animals and then poop literally filling every single square inch of the page?

Is that not that book?

I don't specifically remember that page as being from the brute.

I swear to God, I'm not joking.

I went in a bookstore.

I was like, oh, everybody poops.

Mark's in an adult bookstore in the fetish section.

Fetish section?

No, this was not that.

It was awful.

It was just like there was animals everywhere, and there was just

brown scrolled everywhere.

And I'm like, this is a horrible book.

But everyone says it's saw.

This is the book my kids learned how to poop.

And I look at it and I'm like, this is a nightmare.

What in the world is this?

I think it was in Barnes and Noble's.

What book did I see?

I don't know, but I would love for you to retrace those steps and try and find it.

Where?

Then what did I see?

You should probably Google that.

I am.

Illustrated book page with animals ocean of poop.

See what comes up.

Oh, you got adults does shits.

Let's see.

I'll torture ChatGPT with this question.

This is the kind of thing you should ask.

All right.

Am I crazy?

Stop there, man.

The answer is obvious.

Well, you guys carry out.

I'm going to ask about this.

Yeah, Bob, get a Wizinator.

That way you don't have to like, it's probably less awkward.

That sounds like it will definitely not cause problems or confuse him or scar him for life.

Yeah.

It's funny, but it's one of my least favorite things about parenting stuff.

There's so much stuff that comes up where it's like, I knew that these things were going to happen intellectually, but I didn't think through like practically what it was going to be like.

And you just get in the situation and they're like, oh, he pooped in the tub during a bath.

Ah, shoot.

And then it's like, wait, what do we do?

And they're like, well, get the poop out of the tub, obviously.

I'm like,

is there a scoop for that or oh with my hand no oh no like there are there are better solutions but there are just so many moments like that where they're like oh yeah just bring your uh just bring your kid into the bathroom with you and show them how you pee in the toilet

oh really everyone else who talks about it is like yeah obviously All parents do this.

This is totally normal.

Just bring your kid in the bath, go to the bathroom with someone and while they watch you, be like, this is dad's zipper.

And then we flush dad's peep down the toilet.

And it's like, like, like, I get why that's normal intellectually, but it's hard to just go from I pee and poop alone by myself in the bathroom for my entire life that I can remember to, yeah, son, come in here.

Let me show you something.

Yeah, that is weird.

Let me show you how dad gets work done in the office.

Especially being tall, because a kid coming in at that height is right in the splash damage height.

That's

only animals stand up and pee in their own home toilets.

I like to sit too, but I thought if you were teaching, it was a teaching a stand.

You're teaching a sit.

Yeah, well, that's the thing is that

I thought about it and I looked into it, and everyone was like, Yeah, well, you should stand up so they can see better.

I was kind of trying to have him not see better, if I'm honest about it, but that is the point, isn't it?

He's supposed to

okay.

Well, this is an exciting new chapter.

Mark, did you find your weird fetish book yet?

No, there's two versions of this book: the gross one and the regular one, or what?

Literally, there are two books called Everybody Poops.

It's one of them narrated by Samuel L.

Jackson and kind of a joke.

No, it's okay.

So there's one that you know of that's made by Tarot Gomey with like four squares on the front.

Is that the book you have?

That sounds right.

Four squares, like a horse and a kid and a duck and an apple, right?

Sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's another book called Everybody Poops by Justine Avery with a bunch of people on the front.

And all of them say, I do, I do, I do, I do.

And I can't find an interior page of this book, but I bet.

Have it delivered.

I'm not going to buy it.

I'm not going to buy it.

But what if you need to know what's in that book?

You didn't even read the content.

You were so surprised at the imagery.

There's a coloring book version of it.

Comes with one color crayon.

I'm going to need like five more brown crayons, dad.

I'm assuming that was, that's not the cover of the book as you've described it.

No, no.

Why did you pick up the book everybody poops and crack open to a page?

It's bad luck that that's the specific thing you saw, but would you see that and be like, oh, that can't be right?

And like go check and see what the book was about or something?

You wouldn't think that if you've heard like, yeah, this is a great book for kids to learn how to poop.

And I'm like, is it?

This looks weird.

Flip it open.

Ha!

Slam it closed.

What do you do in a bookstore?

Why is the weirdest thing in a bookstore to crack open a book?

I don't generally go look at kids' books, even though I have a kid.

It was in a center aisle.

It was in one of the tables in the middle on the way in.

If I had that thought, if I was walking past it, I would look at it and be like, oh, that's that book kids used to learn how to go to the bathroom.

That doesn't apply to me.

And then I'd keep going.

Oh, I'm so glad that your curiosity is dead in the water.

How do the other half live?

Look, if you saw this cover, you might also be like, that's kind of weird.

Peek?

I hope it's like a horror novel.

It's supposed to be terrifying and awful.

It was.

It was.

But the thing is, I can't find anything on Google that shows any interior of that book.

There is nothing.

All right, Mark had a fever dream of a poop book.

It might have been.

Maybe it was.

Who knows?

He found the Jumanji of poop books.

Wait, can I just point out the thing about this whole story that's possibly the weirdest part?

You you were in an actual physical bookstore i don't even know where there is one of those around me anymore they all keep closing barnes and noble is it barnes and noble still around there used to be like a barnes and noble or a or a the other one in every strip mall in the world it felt like and now i feel like i if i had to go to a bookstore i'm not sure where where one is that i would go to did you go to the bookstore on purpose or were you just like at the mall or something no there's a bookstore out here if he were in lovely los angeles in glendale which is not actually i don't know if they're part of los Angeles.

I have no idea.

Glendale has a Barnes and Noble in there, what's called the Americana.

I have been there.

I've heard that.

The offspring song, welcome to Americana.

That's what it is.

Anyway, I'm jealous of your Los Angeles bookstore.

We don't have that kind of fancy stuff here.

I haven't been in years.

This was many, many moons ago.

I think we literally have a Barnes and Noble in Cincinnati, at least one.

I mean, there probably is one, but like, growing up, I knew where several different bookstores were that I could have gone to.

Oh, yeah, there's a lot less.

I'm sure there is one, but I don't know where it is.

Like, there's not one at any of the shopping centers I go to normally.

It's weird.

There's a very simple way to solve it.

I just googled it.

No, that sounds stupid.

This is how we got in the didn't mention Jungle Gyms problem because we didn't actually look up anything.

That's a Barnes and Noble in Kenwood.

That's like 40 minutes away from me.

They're actually, it moved.

It was in the other building.

Is it in the new part of Kenwood or whatever?

Yeah, yeah.

There's like a mall offshoot in the mall parking lot that's just just more mall, but it's disconnected from the mall.

Kenwood Mall has always been a disaster.

It's kind of the only mall left in the entire Cincinnati area.

Yeah, Tri-County closed.

So there's Kenwood's like the mall, and they changed their parking lot.

Now you go in, you have to do a loop.

You can't just park because it's such a cluster.

That parking lot is such a nightmare.

You're underselling how annoying it is to go in and out of that place.

It's so awful.

It is terrible.

I mean, it just doesn't make any sense because they have like parking structures with multiple levels.

If they just took another one of those big flat lots and just put a parking garage in there, problem solved.

You mean room for expansion, more shopping?

I think what I heard Mark say was 15 more storefronts.

Anyway, books are over there somewhere too now.

Books are somewhere there.

Books.

This guy.

Someone on the server is being like, no, I've seen this book.

It's a plant.

Someone puts it in bookstores.

Because what else it would have been?

It's so burned into my brain of being like, how would anyone give this to their child?

This is, I have seen my hat all over again.

Here's what I think happened.

I think there's an experiment being run where certain people in like the world have like a gene where they see a certain thing on a book cover or on any kind of cover, cereal box, and they're compelled to pick it up.

So they're planting things in different places that have this on the cover.

And you're one of those people and you're part of this study and you just don't know it.

I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna subscribe to the idea that it's such an offbeat, weird thing to look at a book and pick it up.

I'm not going to buy this.

You're not going to make this real weird trait.

This is a perfectly normal thing.

You don't have to have some spiral hypnotizing cover to be like, whoa, whoa.

I just love the idea that Mark is a sleeper agent and his trigger word is a children's book that doesn't actually exist, that just gets planted in his life and places.

Soldier, here are your orders.

Turn to page seven.

Why'd you order me now?

Turn to page eight.

Got you.

He's a sleeper agent, but we trained him wrong is a joke.

Oh, that was a good bit.

How do you like my face-to-foot technique?

I gotta watch that movie again just to see if it's actually funny or if I was just really, really had terrible humor back then.

I think it's funny.

I don't know which movie we're talking about.

Kung Pao.

Enter the fist.

Oh, I saw that one time ever.

I mean, I don't think I've seen it that many times, but chosen one.

Wee, we, we, see, you remember it sticks.

It sticks.

I remember that quote, yeah.

That's the that's basically her only line.

I watched it with Molly, and I learned that half of Ryan's like the only Ryan.

Ryan, shout out to you again.

You don't have to shout out someone every time you mention their name.

No, I do.

I got told that the only time I bring people up on here is to shame them, and this was only half shame.

So it's kind of like a nice one compared to my usual bits because i bring people up it's usually to like make fun of them for something i'm learning that i'm kind of an asshole but i get away with it do you do you like people think i'm stupid so they're like oh it's okay it's just wade being an asshole yeah i do people let me do it do you though maybe not with you two but generally yeah generally do you yeah well i guess we'll find out in the comments on this episode did i win uh no you didn't win because we didn't even play the game yet

good episode mark congrats you assume boldly but correctly that Mark has a strong advantage because I'm hosting.

Is that real?

I've not read the updated who lets who win the most things.

It's probably real.

I don't know.

This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet.

I'm sure everyone can agree with me when I say that nowadays, everything in your house keeps getting smarter.

Smart speakers, smart mirror, smart toaster, smart coffee maker, smart shoes, smart carpet, everything.

What isn't smart?

Luckily, T-Mobile 5G Home Internet makes it easy to keep all your devices connected.

With their quick, one-cord setup, you can hop online in literally 15 minutes or less.

They've also got fast speeds, a price that works for any budget, and a five-year price guarantee.

So if you're looking for internet that keeps up with you, connect to T-Mobile Home Internet for their fast 5G speeds, easy 15-minute setup, and 5-year price guarantee.

Visit t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability.

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Service delivered via 5G network.

Speeds vary due to factors affecting cellular networks.

Guarantee exclusions and details at tmobile.com/slash home internet.

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Listen, I have a thing that Mandy told me that turned into a whole episode idea because...

Chainsaws.

You guys know chainsaws.

I know for a fact Mark knows chainsaws.

I know chainsaws.

yeah.

You drove around in your truck and chainsawed some stuff when there were catastrophes in your area and you were helping people.

I gotta confess, I see a chainsaw walking down the sidewalk, I cross the street.

Yeah, I get that, yeah.

Don't feel good about it, but it's funny.

So I said it anyway.

We know what they're for, right?

If you look at a chainsaw, you know what it's for.

It's for juggling at a circus, cutting down trees, or cutting up heart trees, or whatever.

Okay, what if I told you that those were originally invented for a different purpose?

And I'm talking vastly different, unrelated to tree anything.

What do you think James Jeffrey and John Aitken invented the chainsaw for in Scotland in the 1780s?

1780s?

1780s.

What do you think they invented the chainsaw for?

Did it even look like a chainsaw?

It was some kind of contraption where it was like a hand crank.

Because the The chainsaw blade and actual chain were similar, but you just hand-cranked it.

So it was a lot slower.

But it was the same basic invention.

The new ones are just motorized chainsaws.

But so this was, yeah, it's 1780.

This is a hand-cranked thing with gears, and this chain still goes around and does a cutting motion type deal.

What do you think they invented that for?

I'm guessing.

I know this one.

Okay.

Mark uttered first.

i don't want to he was so confident go ahead all right i'm gonna say that because you started this off with some poop tangent it's it's a fancy scottish poop cutter for just cutting up poop once it's outside the body or what do you

know no it's how they wipe

oh okay when they're done they just

then they're clean the blood will wipe it all away i could see that i can see that wade what do you think uh in scotland their hair is just different than other countries and they keep it in a real tight braid.

1780s, real braided Scottish hair time.

Real difficult to cut with scissors, so they needed something better for it.

So they invented the chainsaw to cut through the braid.

They don't have to unbraid the beard to cut through it, you know?

Probably.

Question.

Yes.

Was it still used for cutting anything?

Oh, it cut stuff.

Okay, it cuts stuff.

All right.

You could even say it shaved stuff, but not in the way that I think Wade is imagining.

That doesn't help.

Yeah, that doesn't help at all.

Do you want to know the answer?

Do you want to keep guessing?

We got a couple more guesses, right, Mark?

Yeah, I got guesses.

Yeah, I got guesses.

All right.

It was meant for, it was an early catalytic converter for cutting emissions.

In the time before cars, they still needed to cut emissions.

Yep, absolutely.

Because of industry.

I know.

Yeah.

I said what I said.

The way they designed shoestrings, those little plastic edges, really annoying to cut the plastic bits.

So that was designed to cut through the plastic part of the shoelace.

You'd have the little ends to tie your shoes.

I got it.

I know what the answer is.

So back in the early movie industry of the 1780s, they needed to cut footage, but it was, you know, film.

So they had to have something that cut at 24 FPS.

So they would crank it and it would chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop.

Similar to Mark's answer, but it was actually plays.

When the director would yell cut, the Scottish accent was so pronounced and loud whenever they would talk that they couldn't hear the director yelling cut.

So they got the chainsaw to make the

noise, which meant cut.

Actually, back in the 1780s, well, 1770s was a serious problem with cutting in line and there was no honor in it.

So they brought this out to cut whoever you were going to cut in line in in half.

So it had to be a very

urgent.

When people know that they got cut in half, they're like, oh, well, I guess he needed it.

And then they fall over and die.

A prominent crop in Scotland is spring barley.

Spring barley, incredibly difficult to cut without a chainsaw.

How did you, did you Google that?

Yes.

Okay, I was like, how the shit would you know that?

That's not a thing you know.

We were there one time.

We went to the mall and I remember there was just barley everywhere.

Okay.

Well, I'm going to tell you, Mark got the closest.

That's not me.

And you should have just quit while you were ahead because your very first guess was the closest you guys got, Mark.

No.

The chainsaw was originally invented to assist in performing

symphysiotomies.

Symphysiotomies, which is the surgical removal of pelvic bone to help with an obstructed childbirth.

No!

Oh,

God.

This is like an actual horror story.

The chainsaw was invented to stick up in a woman's pelvic area.

No!

To make more room if the baby wasn't fitting out of the pelvis of a woman who was trying to give birth.

How did that help?

It cut and shaved and otherwise

widened.

Shaved to what?

Bone, Mark.

It was because there's bone in the pelvis and sometimes the bone...

Bone's not exposed.

What is once you chainsaw it a little bit?

Yeah.

So this is apparently the origin of the chainsaw.

And then some other person saw that and was like, wouldn't that be better on trees?

And the surgeons were like, ah, maybe.

Some guy saw that.

Boy, that really ripped right through that lady.

You know.

This is a story where I wish I had a fantasia because a vivid imagination for chainsaw crotch is not it.

No, it's horrific.

I will say, I think this is the most horrific one, but I literally learned this fact.

Mandy was telling me about this, and I was like, man, that's probably an episode of a podcast.

So today we're going to talk about inventions that are currently known for some use, but were obviously invented originally for some other use.

Like the scariest sounding surgical procedure I could possibly imagine.

This episode probably needs some kind of warning on the top of it about.

It started with poop talk, I'm pretty sure.

I didn't think it could go downhill from there.

I've known this for about a week and a half at this point, and I'm still very uncomfortable about that information.

The next one's way more fun than that.

Oh, good.

Also, Mark, I guess you get the point for that one.

Thanks, I guess.

Congrats, dude.

Hainsaw Anus.

Got it.

Chanus.

Chanus Aunis?

How'd you know about the sequel?

Chanusanus.

I hope you guys do not do that on that.

One video every day for a year of something about chainsaws.

Gonna really run out of stuff eventually, but no, you'd be shocked.

Not before you try your very own homemade symphysiotomy.

Yeah, I don't like that.

Anyway, guys, bubble wrap.

Nothing bad could happen with bubble wrap, right?

Everyone knows bubble wrap.

You order something in the mail that's breakable.

Maybe it's a glass vase or something.

Comes wrapped in bubble wrap because it protects it.

It's bouncy.

It's squishy.

It keeps it safe.

That is what everyone knows bubble wrap is for.

So what did Alfred and Mark think bubble wrap was going to be for when they invented it in 1957?

I know this one.

That phrase is losing all meaning.

Do you actually know this one?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

1950s, right?

This is after World War II had ended.

We were still kind of in the Cold War.

This was pre-Bay of Pigs.

And a big problem in World War I was trenches.

World War I, World War II, mines.

So before you'd go out on the minefield, you'd put down your bubble wrap and then you would cross it.

It would kind of disperse your weight.

And whenever you did hit a mine, the explosion would be minimized because there was bubble wrap in between you to protect you.

Sure, sure.

Mark, what do you think they thought it was going to be?

What was bubble wrap originally meant for?

Well, those pesky child births.

After you've chainsawed.

Chainsawed your way in there, you gotta have something to catch it when it falls out.

So you just lay a bunch of bubble wrap on the ground and

clop

hopefully.

200 years and 7 billion concussions later, they were like, ah, this is what we need.

It just kept dropping on the floor.

They were like, it's good for him.

It's good for him.

What if this is just a whole list of horrifying medical contraptions?

Everything is just comes back to the true Halloween episode.

None of us wanted.

The bubble wrap's cool.

It's fun.

You know where it's even more fun?

As wallpaper.

Ah?

Alfred Fielding and Mark Chivanez.

Chivannes?

Shivan?

Chivan.

We were trying to invent a new type of textured wallpaper.

When everyone other than them realized that that was a stupid idea and had no interest, they also tried marketing it as greenhouse insulation before eventually accidentally discovering that if you just wrap stuff in it, it keeps it from breaking as much.

They got fired.

They were packing up their office.

Like, well, I guess we'll just wrap it in this.

Probably.

Accidentally inventing something.

That's what nothing.

That makes no sense to me.

It's like, what are you doing in your lab with like a hammer and plastic?

You're like, tink, tink, tink.

Ah, shit.

A gun.

Fuck.

Tink, tink, tink.

I mean, I feel like phrasing it as accidentally inventing something is is maybe short selling how inventors actually work.

But also, isn't that kind of how inventors actually work?

Isn't it mostly some person who is like, I have this idea for a thing and I just need to make it?

And then they make it and it's just the fucking craziest thing.

And then they're desperately just like, what is this actually usable for?

What can we do?

What can we do?

A childbirth?

Yeah, stick with that, apparently.

Oh, wait, no, never mind.

Market it.

Sell it.

We'll figure it out later.

But would you have bubble wrap wallpaper?

No, no, yeah, it sounds awful, doesn't it?

I hope we never one of the trends I hope never comes back is wallpaper, dude.

Plus, what happens once you pop it?

You get like a whole new room all re-wallpapered, it's all done, and then your kid walks into the room and it's just like pop, pop, pop.

Like, fuck no, stop.

No, that's $85 a square foot.

Stop.

Here's a conversation to have because, Wade, you don't like wallpaper?

I actually am totally fine with wallpaper because what I'm sick of is is the hyper modern, everything's a flat white wall.

I mean, that's fair.

There needs to be some texture.

You can have wallpaper that's not like the super textured stuff.

It could give like a subtle something to it.

And there's you could do that with paint and not have to peel it off to replace it, though.

Replacing wallpaper, removing wallpaper is so awful.

It's not that bad.

You soak it and you scrape it.

It's not that bad.

It can be a pain in the ass, but textured paint, or if you have like, like in California, it's really popular.

They have orange peel texture as part of the drywall.

That's not any better.

If you want to change that, you just have to like sand it all off or scrape it off anyway.

It's if you're going to texture your wall, wallpaper is as good as any other way that you're going to do it.

And right now, Amy's helping to fix up the new room, and it's like

she's going to put wallpaper on there.

No, and it's really nice texture, it's a really nice color.

It's like, wow, you don't have to paint that, you just kind of slap it on, and it's even and done.

You don't have to worry about perfectly, evenly coating everything.

It's like, that's that's kind of nice.

I do find it really intimidating the seaming and the lining up of wallpaper.

Yeah, yeah.

You're like, theoretically, you're like, yeah, well, you just put it edge to edge, right?

But to actually get that edge so nice and actually straight and everything, I feel like there's no way I could do that.

Yeah, there's an art to it.

Someone who's a professional obviously can do it, but if I had the idea of like, oh, I'll just wallpaper my wall behind me, it would not turn out like I would want it to.

It would be, that seems hard.

That's why there are professionals.

They do paint in different colors.

Yeah, I know.

I'm not talking about colors.

I'm talking about texture.

I don't want to feel my wall anyway.

How often am I?

I'm not touching my wall either.

I don't know what you're doing, poop book guy.

Maybe you see a good wall and you're like, I need to touch that.

I'm going to find this book, print out that page, get wallpaper made of it, and I'm going to secretly go into your house.

I'm going to cover the outside with it.

I think some people are on the subreddit are going to back me up about this, but it's only going to be like two or three.

They'll be like, no, I've seen this version of the book.

No,

wallpaper's coming coming back.

Wallpaper might come back.

I just don't want it.

It is back.

We're not the people who dictate that.

It is back.

There's lots of cool new wallpapers.

That's the thing, too, is you don't need to wallpaper every square inch of a room.

You could do like one wall or part of one wall if you have like an area that makes sense.

Do you guys like the accent wall thing?

I'm not big on the accent wall thing.

What accent?

What do you mean by accent wall?

Where you have like three walls, one color and one different?

You mean having a nice design to a room so that there's like a focal point?

Yeah, that sounds awful, doesn't it?

James's room has that.

He has white walls, but then he has one.

The main wall is green that his bed is on, and it's like a jungle-y theme.

But if the whole room was this color green, it'd be way too fucking much green.

There's a nice diagram that you can see about it's mostly for set design, but it's for creating different space with just painted walls.

Where if you paint certain walls black and certain walls white, or certain walls one color, and then one a complementary darker color, you can kind of shape the illusion of the space to have more depth or more height or shrink it down.

It's crazy how effective that is, especially in like photography and on video

video.

Hang on.

I need a reboot or something.

Fuck.

Get a chainsaw.

Help him.

So, like, I wouldn't just say, like, accent walls are dumb and suck.

It's just like, it has a purpose.

Yeah.

Why?

Why?

Why is it dumb and suck?

That was for the watchers, not you.

Don't look at me.

You don't think I'm watching?

Editors make my eyes really watchy.

Just galaxies.

Just the Oppenheimer shot in Mark's eyes.

Make it look nice.

I just don't like dealing with the accent.

Well, I don't like the look of them.

I feel like it just looks like someone was lazy and didn't finish the job.

If anyone else is, it's Mark, but I don't think any of us gets to be an authority on interior design.

I think that's very personal preference.

What do you mean?

I've done great.

This is very important because I said so.

A Play-Doh.

Why did Noah McVicker invent Play-Doh in the 1930s in Cincinnati?

Huh?

Ding.

Oh, that's confident.

Sometimes the baby's not ready to come out, and you got to find a way to plug them back up in there to make sure they're not coming out.

Give them time to play in the womb.

Right?

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm the one who chose to start this, but with that most horrific thing i think i've heard in a hot minute guys

i know this one all right i don't think he said that but come on hit me with it at one point in his life he had to have so play-doh it comes with those different like plastic contraptions where you can like make little play-doh spaghetti or make play-doh star shape whatever have you so plastic explosives in the military became a bad because people don't want to inhale micro plastics so they made play-doh because inhaling micro play-doh was much less concerning and you could have different designs for your bombs to make them blend in with their environment wade is exactly right.

No, obviously not.

All right, that hurt my heart.

I would have been like, oh, well, that's interesting, but I guess not.

That is, I could see how you would think that.

Why buy military?

It marks vagina.

No, well, obviously.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, so continue.

Keep working.

Sorry, sorry.

I don't want to cut you off.

Keep working.

Keep working.

I'm thinking that it was probably a plumbing tool.

In all honesty, it probably was something to help prevent leaks, insulate kind of an early caulking, maybe.

I like that.

No, no, no, no, no.

The name play dough.

Pizza was a big thing.

We had to find different food ways to compete with that.

And the pizza dough was the key to a good pizza.

So, what if we make dough out of something else that can also be different colors and you can really make it malleable to kind of make it whatever shape you want?

Because pizza,

one or two shapes, you have square or round, but play dough

was earlier called a dough because you eat it.

No, no, no, no, no.

All right, so when was this invented?

When?

1930s in Cincinnati.

Perfect.

That doesn't conflict at all.

So this is when the theatrical version of The Simpsons first got on stage and they needed something to replicate Homer Simpson's skin tone and texture.

So what they did was they made stuff for the play and Homer would then be able to say

dough.

No, no, that's stupid.

So 1930s, Great Depression.

People that were struggling, they saw the rich people going to their big, fancy, computerized ATMs.

They're like, we're going to make sure they can't get their money out.

We'll make something that could fit into any orifice to stop their coins and dollars from coming out.

And they made the dough to shove right in the dollar slot so the rich couldn't get their money from their ATM.

Herbert Hoover.

Bonus point.

Herbert Hoover.

Yeah, no, right.

I see where you're coming from.

Yeah.

No, I got it.

That's stupid.

Okay, okay.

Yep.

Keep going.

Yeah.

Early on.

No, never mind.

I got this one.

All right, cool.

So, whenever you get dirt under your nails, you have to get like a file to clean out.

It's really annoying.

But the dough could shove right under, stick to the dirt, and you'd pull it out.

And your dough would be a little bit dirtier, but under your nails, perfectly clean.

And the teeth,

who needs floss when you got Play-Doh?

With that guess, both of you are impressively close.

Mark was close.

Don't say about the childbirth.

Don't.

I wish.

A little bit, I wish, but no.

Home maintenance was the right genre.

Not a plumbing tool necessarily, but home maintenance, yes.

And Wade is right.

With your last guess about cleaning out under your fingernails and stuff.

Kind of.

Back then, homes were heated by coal furnaces, which basically meant that there was coal dust and soot all over everything in existence because it went out the chimney, but some of it didn't go out the chimney.

Coal is dirty, nasty stuff.

Play-Doh was invented to help clean the wallpaper in your house.

You rub it on the wall and it pulls the soot or the coal dust or whatever off the wall.

And that was great for the company until coal was phased out almost completely and replaced by natural gas or electric heat, and nobody needed that anymore until a teacher realized kids could eat it and survive.

So that meant it needed to go into the classroom.

Play-Doh did a complete rebrand, saved the company, and started selling this goop to kids.

Was this an assassination attempt?

Was the teacher like feeding the annoying kid Play-Doh every day?

Like, fucking die, Timmy.

It was a school, right?

So even though everyone else had natural gas heat, the school still was coal heated because schools are always behind the times and have low-tech and no money for stuff.

And so the teacher was probably just cleaning the coal off the wall with the stuff and dropped a piece.

And a kid immediately was just like, oh, and that kid didn't die for the next week and a half.

And the teacher was like, We need more of this.

This will bring down lunch expenses tenfold.

All I can think of when I think of play-doh is the stupid video of you and Ethan making Thanksgiving dinners out of Play-Doh, oh, yeah, and then fucking eating it.

And that is the most vile thing I've ever seen you try and eat.

That was the most vile thing.

Look, I know you've

done worse, but the it's a texture thing for me.

The thought of

slimy play-doh getting it

in between your teeth that is involuntary, and I hate it.

It's something, there's something about that that like deeply disturbs me and makes me actually throw up a little bit.

I got Bob on this tangent earlier, Mark, before you got here, because I was looking on Amazon and I came across Kraft macaroni and cheese gummies that were recommended to me.

And it's just a box that looks like Kraft mac and cheese, but it's like Play-Doh-y-looking gummies that reminded me of the soup drops that we talked about, the soup losages.

Those are not as bad as eating Play-Doh to me, but yeah, those are bad.

I, you know, there's so many different candy and snack manufacturers that can't get the collaboration thing right of like crossing into a different type of candy.

But for some reason, it was totally unrelated, but Takis is really good at that.

And so Takis is dead to me, as we all know, as we all know.

Sure, sure, sure.

For years.

But they're so good at doing the collaboration.

Like their popcorn was really good.

They had some kind of crusted peanut thing that was really good, but can't eat them because, you know, Ethan has exploding death disease.

But how are they just good at?

And how has no one working at Takis gotten me a bag of their fucking powder?

How?

Pretty unforgivable.

I realize you want a bunch of different powders from a bunch of different countries.

Have you tried cocaine?

Have you?

I did use a cocaine grinder in high school.

Your cocaine grinder?

That I used for my chemistry class.

Do you grind cocaine?

Someone in my family did because we had a grinder.

I actually have no idea.

These just look like coffee grinders, but that makes sense, I guess.

Yeah, you want to get the cocaine beans and grind them down.

But I guess it makes sense because for some reason I imagine it started as a powder, but I guess maybe it doesn't.

We've not gotten there in Schedule 1 yet, so I'm not really sure how it goes.

It's like cooked and reduced down to like a powder by basically cooking all the moisture out of it, I think, but it has to be then like broken up or I don't know.

Cocaine's bad.

Don't do it.

All the TV shows make it seem pretty fun, but it seems like it's probably more bad than fun to me now i acknowledge that this is a pretty weird line in the sand but the idea of eating play-doh haunts my entire existence and that video that you guys did like i can't imagine a much worse thing someone's trying to torture me and force me to do something for me it's styrofoam peanuts i

i mean you didn't seem like you enjoyed it when you were trying to eat your giant hunk of play-doh but you you did fine It was incredibly salty.

That was the only thing.

Which is concerning because I feel like there shouldn't be salt in Play-Doh.

It might have not have been salt.

It just tasted salty.

So who knows?

Maybe it's because you played with the Play-Doh so much.

The salt from like your...

That was just

skin juices.

Yeah.

That's lovely.

More inventions.

I know you can get this one.

The hint is in the name.

Treadmill.

We all know what treadmills are.

Go to the gym, do a little jog on the treadmill.

Maybe you have a treadmill in the basement that you never use.

Just sits in the corner collecting dust.

All right, Wade, you and I both know what the answer is.

We're not going to say it.

We got to get our bullshit jokey answers out.

Correct answer, put off.

So that's, we know what treadmills are.

But when William Cubitt invented the treadmill in England in 1818,

what did he think it was going to be used for?

Let me ask you a question, Bob.

You ever had a wart?

Sure.

I cut one off with toenail clippers and used like a pair of like needle-nose pliers and yanked it out.

What the fuck?

Yeah, I hate that story.

The treadmill, full speed, you just sand that thing right off.

That's why it was infinite.

Did you really do that?

He told that story on this podcast before.

It was terrible.

I awful.

Never came back.

Because you did that, and the wart was like, fuck this dude.

Oh, my God.

I'd rather just stay dead.

It grabbed its bubble wrap, wrapped up its belongings, and moved away.

Actually, it sells insurance for Liberty Mutual now.

Every now and then, I hear my head, Liberty, Liberty, Liberty.

Funny thing about

a wart that I had a while ago, I had a wart during COVID.

Like, it was on my thumb, and it wasn't bothersome.

Maybe I've had it longer.

It's like a tiny little thing.

With all of the hand sanitizer that I was using during COVID, especially on set, it just died.

It died.

It straight up just couldn't take it anymore because I had been drowning it in like high percentage alcohol multiple times a day.

And I'm not saying this is a good therapy because, like, it drives your hands out like crazy, but it didn't affect anything else, really.

One day I looked down, I was like, oh, it's

gone.

That shit's gone.

So if anyone's curious about four or five, six months of straight high-alcohol percentage hand sanitizer, it'll kill about anything.

Hot skin tips for Mark.

That's probably a good one to keep and never use.

Even before COVID, when I was working at United Dairy Farmers, the amount of times you have to wash your hands, like you know, when you're working with food products, it's like you're constantly washing, sanitizing, washing, sanitizing.

It does affect the texture and stuff of your hands.

So, during the COVID time, when yeah, I don't know how often you had to do it, but I imagine that probably did a lot of things to your hands.

You probably have eight extra fingers.

No, they're pretty, pretty good.

They don't have to be on your hands.

Where are you sanitizing?

I got a book for you later, Mark.

I'll show you.

All right, cool.

It's called Everybody Fings.

We can remove it with a chainsaw, just bend over.

God.

Mark, why was the treadmill invented?

And please give me something that's not gross because I'm pretty sure the title of this episode is just going to be...

Ugh.

God.

All right.

Well, then babies need to get walking soon.

So as soon as they're out of the womb, you know, after you've chainsawed and caught them on the bubble wrap, you just send them right on the treadmill and they get crawling or they get dying.

You know, you want strong.

Sparta, actually, this was invented in Sparta right around the time they filmed the movie 300.

Sure, sure.

The historical one, not the remake.

The catapult.

Not as useful as you'd think for trying to aim it.

But a treadmill at the right speed, you put something on there, you can be a lot more accurate with where you're aiming.

So, you put your little bomb or whatever on your treadmill and just and it goes.

Whereas you don't have to manually wind it like the catapult treadmill gets your bomb to the right spot.

I feel like if the treadmill existed in a powered form, you could probably just use it to wind the catapult automatically.

Oh, that's dumb.

Got it.

No, no, no, no.

That's that's stupid.

The real reason was when they made the pope mobile, the pope got really mad because he couldn't move anywhere while he was moving.

He was like, I'm moving, but I'm not moving.

And so they gave him a treadmill so he could feel like he was walking, so he didn't get confused as to why he was moving around and he wasn't moving.

So that made him mad.

And they made that for him.

Who wants to wipe these days whenever you can have something that automatically goes between the cheeks, not only wipes, but removes hemorrhoids at the same time?

Weirdly made by the same guy that made that chainsaw.

Really focused out.

Alvin, Simon, and Theodore, whatever their names were.

Yep, that was it.

Scottish, Scottish names.

True and true.

Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.

I was going to make fun of you, but that was fine, actually.

That's a good accent.

You know what?

Good Scottish accent.

Good job.

Thank you.

I don't think anyone from Scotland will think so, but I'm glad you do.

Do you guys want to know which one of you was closer?

Well, I think we both know what the real answer is.

Honestly, it's a pretty tough call because I don't think either of you is very close.

Well, no, we were, we were, no, it's for milling grain.

It's for you.

You walk on your mill.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, Mark, win.

We set it aside.

We were going to be all stupid, like, we don't know, but we knew.

Right, Wade?

We knew.

Yeah.

Tank treads.

Would you say grain?

Grain.

Flintstones tanks, you know.

Okay, so Mark actually did know.

I'm not surprised.

You're surprised.

Anyway, it was punishment for prisoners.

They walked on the treadmills, and their walking powered the grain, the giant grain grinding wheel thing.

Grain will have unlimited power.

Alpatine at the grain mill is first job.

Apparently, the prisoners didn't care for it.

So, sentiment on treadmills has not changed very much over the centuries.

You put a treadmill in a prison now, and the prisoners just start hissing and they don't know why.

Like a kangry cat seeing water.

Kangri?

You know, cat angry.

Now, the elliptical,

definitely for childbirth.

Yeah, I could see that.

I could see that.

Yeah.

Don't you want that max?

Cooper loves that shoe, too.

Oh, now he's into Cooper's food.

Wow, he is loving it.

What do you feed Cooper?

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All right, I want to do one more.

I like this one because it's funny, and I have a suspicion that the story is barely true, but technically true.

Credit cards.

We all know credit cards.

Pretty much everyone has a credit card.

If you're an adult, you almost have to have a credit card.

It's pretty hard to get by on just cash anymore.

So clearly, credit cards are for paying for stuff.

But why did Frank McNamara invent the credit card in the 1950s?

I remember this.

You know this one?

I actually know this one.

You know this one?

I know this one.

I really do.

Wait, do you want to get any joke answers in before I...

oh uh you know it's pretty easy you know uh odd job from bond how he throws his hat well the hat was a little bit too obvious so they needed something sharp and tiny that could fit like in a wallet so to speak so the credit card was the perfect like throwing weapon it didn't look very dangerous but man could it cut through your finances and a throat so they invented the credit card after they invented the credit card shut up

Anyway, what I think this is, I'm not remembering the details perfectly, but it was was part of an advertisement campaign for some department store.

They sent out in the mail coupon-like card things, and it was like, if you bring this into a store, this counts as a line of credit.

It was an idea that wasn't really for a national system of credit across the way, but it was something for specific one store did it for an advertising campaign.

And so many people brought it in, and it was so incredibly popular that they were like, hey, wait a minute, maybe there's something to this.

And then they started actually expanding the idea and then opening up real lines of credit because all it did was tie to like, this is your account and they would send it to someone and individualize for that account.

And then people were like, I've never heard of this concept before, but sure, I'll go and see if I can actually have free money.

And it worked.

No, that's stupid.

So drug dealers didn't want to have their money confiscated in briefcases.

So they actually came up with the credit system to keep track of who owed who what.

And that way, whenever the fuzz was low, they knew they could make their cash deal.

And that's how Bitcoin started.

The modern-day credit card that's definitely not usually mostly a scam, always.

Because if there's one thing drug dealers don't mind, is people not paying immediately.

They're cool with later.

I've heard they're very chill about that.

They used to be honorable.

Remember the mafia Vito Corleone before Michael took over?

He was all like, We respect you, Vito.

We know you're a man of your word because your word was your bond.

Old-style criminals, different than these new criminals.

Kids these days, criminals, not the same as our criminals.

Those chill child criminals out there, damn.

I don't know respect.

Yeah, boomer criminals are much better than these Jen Effers or whatever they are.

Jen Effers.

I hope that's the next generation.

I like it.

I don't know what F stands for, but I like Jed Effers.

Fucking kids.

Yeah, no, that's because, yeah, because you could be like, it's a generation.

It's a generation of fucks.

I think Mark is closer.

But there's my version, which may, yours might be as true or truer than mine.

My version is different in some of the details.

But somehow also, Wade was kind of correct with your drug dealer joke.

I knew it.

So, the story that I got is that Frank McNamara went out to dinner and he forgot his wallet at the restaurant.

And he had a bunch of cash in his wallet because if you didn't have cash, he didn't have nothing.

And he got his wallet back eventually, but all the cash was gone.

And he was like, meh, see?

So he invented the Diners Club card, which was originally a card only meant for a handful of kind of exclusive New York City restaurants so that businessmen could go out and like take their clients out or go out with their wife or whatever.

And they didn't have to have cash with them.

So, in case they got really drunk before they drove home and they forgot their wallet, they wouldn't lose any cash.

It was just a card and they could just go get the card back from the restaurant.

And so, it was originally the diners' club card was meant for like a small, just a handful of places, and it grew and grew and grew because it was so basically your story, Mark.

It was so convenient and successful.

Everyone was like, we should use this for everything.

And then they did.

But yours, honestly, like I said, this sounds very like some guy dreamed this up and was like, yeah, I'll say I invented the credit card.

Yeah, see?

And yours is probably just as true.

These are things that probably happened around the same time or one inspired the other or whatever.

Who knows?

Grain.

What?

Grain.

That was treadmill.

Never mind.

Thanks for playing along.

We started out with just about the most shocking thing we could.

So all the rest of these seemed way less interesting.

My taint hurt when you talked talked about the chainsaws and it still aches was pretty sure that wasn't true but i looked up and it seems to be true and i just hate that that's a fact about things in the world because what the fuck is wrong with people did it work you know what in all the looking i did i never read far enough into any article to see if it was a successful tool in extracting any children from their now deceased mothers

i assume it was so brutally ineffective They sent them deep into a forest.

They're like, you know what?

You're going to live here far away from the population.

And that's when they started cutting down trees to find their way back.

Just a guy.

This is

going from room to room in a maternity ward, just like, ha ha ha!

Oh, another one's dead.

All right.

Next room.

Let's try this again.

Let's try this again.

I laugh.

It's supposed to be reassuring.

Like, I'm giggling hard.

I'm trying to prepare them for the fun of a new child coming into the world.

You know, it's.

Yeah, they dress like a clown, so the first thing the newborns would see would be a happy clown.

I slammed the door open to get everyone's attention so we know it's about to begin.

Clowns outside of a failed everlasting.

Oh, I try so hard to be happy.

I gotta keep up.

I gotta keep moving.

Kick up a narcotic.

The truth.

History of the horrifying clown troop.

I hate everything about that.

That's awesome.

Wade, you earned points for...

Oh, wait, that goes on Mark's side.

All right, Mark, what'd you earn points for?

Wade,

you didn't earn points for that.

That's not yours.

Sorry.

Mark, you earned points for

60% poop improvement.

No shirt, question mark.

The book discussion.

I didn't know how to label it.

The shit book.

Chainsaw butt wiping.

Being correct about wallpaper.

You won the play-doh.

You won points for not cutting a ward off with toenail clippers and using hand sanitizer instead.

And you got points for

good at

limps.

Good gosh.

Shit.

Something about credit cards.

Oh, that says credit cards.

Wow.

No, it does not.

It's supposed to say credit cards.

Wade, you earned points for being an asshole unabashedly, knowing about spring barley for some reason.

Bubble wrap.

Oh, the guys who got fired for bubble wrap wrapping their belongings in bubble wrap.

Herbert Hoover.

Doing a good Scottish accent.

And then Grain.

You apparently just earned points for randomly saying words for no reason during the episode today.

We've really lowered the bar for being overthinking.

Did you say a coherent word?

Point.

He said a whole word.

Mom, get the camera.

Anyway, how many bonus points will there be?

And do you know what you're adding to the wheel?

Oh, I have to do that still.

Two.

All right, we get two bonus points, and I still have to add something to the wheel.

Should be best Scottish accent.

They have to do it right there on the spot.

I really like that.

So we get two wheel spins.

Spin number one.

Oh.

Had the best time?

I didn't.

I did not either because of the poop.

I had a bad time.

I didn't because of the chainsaw.

Well, is that a respin then?

Everyone had a bad time?

Is that what we're deciding?

I did.

I did not have the best time.

All right, that's our respin.

Unless Bob did.

You want a point, Bob?

I didn't have a good time.

I'm still feeling my throat because we talked about the Play-Doh eating.

Respin.

Drop the most items.

Didn't drop a damn thing.

I didn't even drop anything, and that's my thing I do.

All right.

All right, that's a respin.

There's a lot of points up for grabs.

I need to eat and drop something and do some songs real quick.

Loudest.

All right.

One of you was definitely the loudest.

He did do his Scottish accent.

I will say.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I would say Wade gets to be the loudest.

Damn it.

All right.

One more spin.

Feels like we've already had too many, but we haven't.

Hey!

Shirt closest to background.

Damn it.

Oh, fucking God.

No, look,

we could call it,

it's Mark, right?

It's Mark's flesh.

Wade's wearing, Wade's wearing a red shirt and has a gray-black background.

Mark is wearing a white shirt, but

it's got some skin toniness to it because

it's kind of opaque almost.

I think if I did the calculations, this would be closer.

I think Mark gets this one.

I am fine with that.

I think that's true.

Thank you.

But I would love to see the numbers.

Yeah, Mark, can you just throw that together real quick?

I don't want to do the numbers.

I don't want to do the numbers.

You want to win, don't you?

And that is two bonus points.

Wade, you earned a total of seven points.

Mark, you earned a total of nine points.

Wait, so if I've gotten both of those bonus points, it would have been a tie.

Yeah, it was really close to actually being a tie there.

Could have been.

Mark, run the numbers.

If you had dropped anything or sung a song or anything that whole time, could have stolen that away from him.

There were a lot of opportunities.

I just got to remember him.

I need someone to give me the wheel.

Yeah, we need like a cheat sheet.

And at the start of every episode, we all need like 30 seconds to just be like, just do a bunch of random shit.

Like, okay, those are my points I've chosen for this episode.

Merch?

That can be your loser speech.

How about that?

Okay.

Which is now.

I meant to imply it's right now.

Merch?

All right, Mark, winner speech.

Hi, merch, coming soon.

We have designs in the works.

We have different blanks in.

Actually, they're in.

We're ready to rock rock for more merch coming at you real soon.

Have a lovely time.

Thank you for this victory.

That's how a winner gives a speech, Wade.

Merch.

Thank you so much for watching and or listening to this show.

Make sure you follow the podcast because then you won't miss them.

Because I know you didn't watch last time, which is offensive.

Follow us.

Our names are on screen.

And if you're a listener, not a watcher, I guess you don't get to know them.

That's it.

Thank you so much for listening and watching and all that stuff.

That's the end.

Mark will host the next one because he's awesome.

You know, at this point, after all this merch buildup and we launch it and no one buys it, we'll just delete the podcast.

Merch.

That seems like a gamble.

I don't know.

We'll just delete it.

I don't know if we should stake that much on.

I really love deleting things.

Merch.

It's all fun and games until you try and delete the thing I'm a part of.

Wait, we didn't agree to this.

Hang on.

Merch.

You haven't heard the ticking of the clock this whole time?

Merch!

I go back and look, and every podcast ends with the spiral and the TikTok.

Wait, no.

No.

Sorry, man.

Anyway, podcast out.

This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's Fruit Snacks.

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