Weird (Part 4)

This episode is brought to you by Vitamin Water.

Living in a big city like Cincinnati has challenges.

Nah, it's so big, man.

LA's big like Cincinnati.

Thankfully, Vitamin Water's new zero-sugar flavors like rehydrate, pineapple, passion fruit, squeezed lemonade, and triple X acai blueberry pomegranate are packed with essential vitamins for when you're traveling across that big city.

So, whatever the reason, grab a vitamin water today.

Copyright 2025, Glasso.

Vitamin Water is a registered trademark of Glasso.

This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's fruit snacks.

We've got to warn you about the consequences of eating Welch's Fusions.

It's like three dudes hanging out on a rooftop talking about the future.

Three dudes hanging out on a rooftop installing solar panels to provide a sustainable future.

Three dudes on a roof installing solar panels so that they can power their computers and record their brilliant idea for a podcast.

Pretty awesome consequences, if you ask me.

New Welch's fusions are so good.

Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors in one juicy bite.

One flavor on the outside, another on the inside.

It's an unbelievable taste sensation, so they are recommended for experienced taste buds only.

You've been warned.

New Welch's fusions, please use responsibly.

Don't you want that max?

Cooper loves that shoe too.

Oh, now he's into Cooper's food.

Wow, he is loving it.

What do you feed Cooper?

Blue Buffalo Life Protection Formula.

He never leaves a crumb.

I love it because it's made with high-quality protein, nutrient-rich fruits and veggies, and wholesome whole grains.

Looks like we're switching to blue.

Blue Buffalo foods are made with the superior ingredients your dog needs to thrive.

Can your dog food say that?

Visit feedbluefood.com to learn more.

This episode of Distractible is brought to you by Doom the Dark Ages.

Its software presents Doom the Dark Ages, a dark fantasy sci-fi experience that brings epic combat and over-the-top visuals to the legendary Doom franchise.

Dominate demon-infested battlefields with devastating weapons, soar on a mecha dragon, and witness the creation of a legend as the Slayer takes on hell itself.

Doom the Dark Ages launches May 15th on Xbox Series X and S, PlayStation 5 and PC.

Pre-order now.

Pray to them for mature.

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractable.

This episode, Wasteable Wade lovesgoing solo.com, then invites his allies to identify ingenious inventions.

Malicious Mark gets back into content creation, talks business, chures impotence, and purrs over parachuting Frenchmen.

But old Bob's killer boars fuck his wrist, talks fart tubes, self-suffocation, and pedal buses.

From caveman cant to anti-bandit briefs.

Yes!

It's time for

Weird Part 4.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible.

I'm today's host, Wade, joined as always by my co-hosts, Mark and Bob.

Hey guys.

Hello.

Hello.

How's things going?

Good, good.

Is it small talk time?

Yeah, I'm just going to skip all the normal info that I dump and we're just going to go right in.

That's fair.

One of the meat and potatoes today.

Wow, that's crazy.

That's happening to you.

Something to talk about.

Are you good?

I thought you were doing a call back to last episode, raising the stink pits at me.

No, no, I don't think that worked once.

You just occasionally raised your armpit and nothing resulted from it.

Pretty sure every time I tried to stinkily boast, it backfired.

Yeah.

Is good here.

Still busy as usual, but finally getting back in the swing of the YouTube thing, which, you know,

I have been

caught out of practice for a while, but I'm getting into it because

I just, oh man, I miss just having to worry about that.

That was my discovery last episode was recording like solo stuff again.

It was like, I used to hate recording solo stuff because I like never, I looked up to like you and Sean and people that could like do stuff.

And you guys were so creative.

Like you'd play these games.

You'd have these little bits.

You'd come up with this like, dude, I will never be like that.

And so, I hated doing solo content because I feel like I needed something else to carry someone to be the thorn in the side of.

But now, going back after all this time, I'm like, it's actually so refreshing doing solo content.

Like, I'm actually really enjoying it.

That's what I've always said.

It's nice.

I mean, multiplayer is good for every once in a while, but you know, sometimes just I hate solo content.

All right,

I hate watching it.

I hate making it.

It's stupid.

It's terrible.

Deduct those points.

Deduct them.

I should.

Wait, I've, oh, yeah, points.

I've got my point journal right here.

You're legally required to knock me down some points.

All right.

All right.

I mean, if you're saying so.

I'm the law.

I'm assuming Mark is done.

That's all that's happening with him.

I'm excited.

All right.

No, go for it.

I'll chime back in.

We'll doulternate.

Golf season is back.

Remember how I got into golf last year before it got all shitty in Ohio?

I forgot.

Golf.

No, seriously, though, I'm not good at golf.

It's just like a thing.

Mandy's dad golfed for a lot of his life.

And so he has a set.

And I was like, I've never done it before, but I want to get into it.

And last year, I thought I was getting better.

I've gone to the range

once this season so far.

And I swear to fucking God, I bought a bucket of 100 balls and all 100 of those motherfuckers, I just.

I might as well have just dumped them down the drain because I fucking forgot how to golf completely.

Like not even like, oh, I hit it and it's a little like I was like, the way the range is, you're all lined up, right?

And so there was like another guy in front of me.

We're all hitting in that direction.

I almost hit him.

That's not even supposed to be physically possible.

And somehow I fucked up so bad that I like curve the ball.

He's standing there like doing his thing.

And my, my ball just is like,

and he literally gave me the like,

no words, just the disappointed look of an older man who's just trying to hit.

I fucking hate, I'm awful at golf now, guys.

But I'm committed.

I own the clubs.

Those are my shitty clubs.

I can't hit what anyway, it was very shocking.

I hurt myself golfing.

I was so bad.

I hit the ground so many times, I fucked my wrist up.

Oof, it's not good.

So, look forward to me complaining about golf a lot this season.

I remember going to the range, uh, not the range, top golf with you,

and you hit the ball hard.

So, I can imagine if you miss and hit ground, you hit ground hard.

Not good, no, yeah, problem.

When we start talking like caveman, when we swing club.

Me like range.

Me like top.

Golf.

Football aid hole.

Me got new floral polo.

Look good?

I think match Chino's nice.

After a golf week.

Review our performance on the back nine.

I was going to ask you, Wade, if you wanted to get into it, because

I have tall boy clubs and we could suck at golf together as like a friendly activity.

It's going to take a lot of practice because I remember as a kid, like I'm talking like seven years old, my dad had a set of clubs that I played and prior to that, I didn't play at all.

After that, I didn't touch a club until top golf and I haven't touched a club again since.

So like maybe three days in my life, I've held a golf club.

So you're probably better than I am because there's a curve in golf.

And I started here and last fall I was going like this and now I'm here.

I've hit the major slump in my golf game.

So you're probably starting from a neutral place.

You're probably better at golf than I am right now.

And we should, it'll be fun.

Hang out, drive a golf.

Driving the golf cart around is the funnest part.

I've not been allowed to do that since I drove it into a creek as a kid.

You pay them 15 bucks.

You get to go drive a golf cart around for a couple hours and there's no speed limits.

And you just jump curbs and like you're supposed to.

It's fun.

It's fun.

We should do it.

You're invited, Mark, but you live way the fuck far away.

So it seems impractical.

Well, all right, you know, I mean, but you couldn't, if you want, if you're here,

we could all golf.

I don't think that'll ever have an I don't think that's uh none of the cards, it doesn't.

I don't remember the last time you left this room, as far as I know, that entire your entire existence is contained in this one room that we see you in on this podcast, which is strange because I'm actually in this room probably the least, not anymore, with all my recording I'm doing, with all the YouTubes that I'm

handling.

I see Wade's taking some points away for that.

Well, I I just don't.

I'm

suspicious.

I'm suspicious.

In other updated nudes about the weirdness of the Apple business side of things, I've gone down a little farther because I had that custom store they made me, right?

And so I reached out again because I was like, I just want, I've seen, I've seen it.

That's the thing.

I've seen the basic business store.

There is a basic business store that's like the front page store that you get when you go to Apple.

And I saw it once and then never again

and I don't know what's going on because also I was trying to I was trying to set up for like a the they call it like the Apple business manager and so when you buy a computer you can have it automatically you know set up itself as soon as it connects to the internet if it's connected to your to your business account it's useful if I'm trying to do that thing where I'm trying to test out if I'm going to render with them and I get a couple with them it'll automatically just like

put all the software on there as soon as it connects to the internet I don't have to go into it.

Nothing.

I couldn't use it with my Apple email.

I couldn't use it with another email that I did with that.

I had to make a separate one that was not tied to my business account already.

Even though I made my business account with the same one that I do with everything else, I had to make a completely separate one.

And then I had to register for what's called a Duns number.

You ever heard of a Duns number?

It sounds like an impolite way of calling you a Dunce without you knowing it.

That's actually the proclamation that they give in New York when a new skyscraper is finished.

A big grizzly guy walks up in his tank top and jeans and he goes, hey, guns.

And then they smash a bottle of Budweiser on it.

Mark, I gave you a point.

I just want you to know later on whenever I say, to defeat the Duns.

Never going to remember that.

No chance.

What's weird about it is, if you have a business, you have what's called an EIN, right?

It's an employer identification number.

It's like, you know, the kind of tax.

It's like a social security number before your business.

Well, the Dunns number is from Dunn and Brad Street.

Oh, those guys.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, Brooks and Dunns.

Pretty much.

It's basically just a separate organization that all these businesses go to to get a number

that red stews with this other company.

Why them?

Why?

Why anything?

I already have a number.

I have a business idea.

We should make a system called the Dist number.

And if you want to, if we should just start getting people on board, if you want to buy our products, you need a DIST number.

And then they'll just have to come to us and we'll issue them a DIST number.

I didn't know that was a business you could have.

That's a fascinating proposition.

Turns out businesses just can make businesses that don't have anything to do with anything else but just being there for businesses to go through.

More hoops.

You are a hoop maker.

So a Dunn and Brad Street Dunns number, D-U-N-S, is a unique nine-digit identifier for businesses that is associated with a business's live business identity.

The fuck does that mean?

Why do I need this?

Literally on the pages, what is a dumb number and why do I need it?

It says it may help evaluate potential partners, seek new contracts, apply for loans, and so much more.

How?

How does it do that?

What does it do?

I just want to.

Anyway, so it's, it's just, I

see

so much why I hated working in a cubicle in a business.

I hate the way businesses run in general.

I find it to be so infuriating.

Some of the arbitrarily stupid things that go on just for the sake of business, business, business.

It's annoying, and I hate it.

Of all the things that I know about how businesses operate, this is one of the weirder ones.

Because what is done in Brad Street?

Like your EIN, that's issued by the IRS.

Your, what's another one?

The The

UEI, which is a thing that is basically the same as the Dunns number, it's just a new version of it.

That's also like a government thing.

It makes sense to me.

You need like a government, because the way businesses work is you have to register

with the government, then it's a business.

So,

who the shit is done in Bradstreet?

What is this?

I don't know.

I don't know.

They're not the government.

They're just some company.

You just need it to make the Apple store so you can access the secondary Apple store so you can buy some AirPods or whatever.

Man, I mean, yeah, I don't know.

It's you go to the About Us page on Duns and Breastweed, actionable data to drive performance, accelerate growth, navigate risk and control costs with reliable data and insights to power business decisions for any organization of any size anywhere across the globe.

What do you do?

What do you think?

They give you a number, isn't it obvious?

Oh, data.

Data to power the world's leading companies.

Data that is unrivaled.

Our data, best data ever.

Look at our infographic.

I'm looking at their infographic.

Oh, man.

Go on.

What the fuck is this?

This is the kind of shit that feels like a scam.

Like, there's a bunch of stuff in when you're doing like small business stuff or you're doing like tax things.

There's a bunch of stuff where you're like, all right, this is like an IRS.gov website.

All right, that's pretty legit.

And then you go to another thing and it's like, oh, this is like a, this is like a something else.org website.

That doesn't really feel like like, shouldn't it be a.gov website?

This is one of those things where it's like, is this a scam?

It seems like a scam because it's like, it says 200 million trade payment experiences with 2B updates monthly.

What does that mean?

1.4 billion match points.

What?

153 million linked records in a family tree.

Great.

26 million supply chain illumination on 26 million companies.

What?

Tier N includes 82 million direct suppliers relationships, 35 million T1, T2, and T3 relationships.

The fuck are you talking about?

What do you do?

This feels like where CryptoBros came from.

Like this is CryptoBros' grandparents or something.

It's a weird nest of horrible, but I think.org and.gov are basically the same thing now, right?

Ah, no.gov is a government in America.gov means it is a government government website.

And.org, like any non-profit can be a.org.

It has to be non-profit, though.

It doesn't have to be, but like

anything that is a non-profit, like it's not related to the government at all.

It's some kind of whatever, charity, whatever, that can have a.org.

Also, institutions can have.orgs, I think, but that's because a lot of them, like it, the.gov and.org do mean very specific different things.

That's good.

I'm glad about that.

And I never, like, I don't ever want to put my personal info in on a thing that's not a.gov website, but like that comes up and it's fucking sketchy.

What about at getyourduns.com?

I went to file my taxes for free.ca.

Well, actually, that might be a California website, but

you know what I mean.

Dot com.

That's the next big wave.

Freshhotbuns.com.

I say buns, but duns.

It's supposed to be a pun.

Well, fresh hot buns too.

Whatever.

Give yourself a point anyway.

It's it's good enough.

Oh, thanks.

There's so many jokes in there.

You're just spilling them all over.

Anyway, that's weird.

And I'm with you.

I hate it.

I think you're right.

So you still can't buy a phone?

No, I still haven't done anything because

I'm at a loss every single second that I'm trying to explore any of this stuff.

Tim, stop making things so difficult on Mark.

Let him buy an Apple phone.

Tim Apple, we know you watch listen.

Please.

Tim Apple's a listener, if ever anyone was.

Yeah,

for sure.

That's probably listener vibes, yeah.

If you're an adult struggling with obesity, if you've struggled for years and years, you are not alone.

But Zeppbound Terzepatide is changing what's possible when it comes to weight loss, along with diet and exercise.

Proven to help lose weight and keep it off.

Zetbound is a prescription medicine for adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems.

Zeppbound should be used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity.

Zeppbound injection is approved as a 2.5, 5, 7.5, 10, 12.5, or 15 milligrams per 0.5 milliliters in single-dose pen or single-dose file.

Don't use with other trzepratide-containing products or any GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines.

It is not known if Zepbound can be used in children.

Don't take Zeppbound if allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome, type 2.

Tell your doctor if you get a lump or swelling in your neck.

Stop Zeppbound and call your doctor if you have severe stomach pain or a serious allergic reaction.

Severe side effects may include inflamed pancreas or gallbladder problems.

Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, depression, or suicidal thoughts before scheduled procedures with anesthesia, if you're nursing, pregnant, plantip, or taking birth control pills.

Taking Zeppbound with a sulfonyl urea or insulin may cause low blood sugar.

Side effects include nausea, diarrhea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and worsen kidney problems.

Discover the weight loss you could be bound for.

Ask your healthcare provider about ZepBound or call 1-800-545-5979.

Explore savings options regardless of insurance status at saveonzeppbound.com.

Terms and conditions apply.

This This episode is brought to you by Mento's Gum.

Keep things fresh, it's important, right?

And I'm not just talking about fresh breath.

It's important to switch up your routine whenever you can.

I just, I'm the person who can't help but chew.

You put a bit of a mint in your mouth, you're supposed to suck on it.

I'm like,

swallow.

So I kind of need gum.

You turn into a cartoon dog.

I'm sorry.

Next time we hang out, I'm giving you a mint just to see what happens.

And of course, another way to refresh every day is with Mento's Gum, available in a range of fresh flavors like spearmint, freshmint, and strawberry.

Mento's gum, yes, to fresh.

This episode is brought to you by Uber.

You know that feeling when someone shows up for you just when you need it most?

That's what Uber is all about.

Like when Wade's house was flooding and falling to pieces all around him, and you showed up just when he needed you to, so you could film it and exploit it for views on the internet?

No, whatever it is, big or small, Uber is on the way.

So you can be on yours.

Uber, on our way to your house.

Wade.

Well, we're going to get into our episode here then.

And I've got a lovely idea that will require a little bit of work from you.

But while you boys are starting your efforts, I'm going to give you some examples of things I'm looking for.

Throughout the years, there have been some unusual inventions.

I think we've talked about some inventions throughout episodes in the past, right?

Like the guy who invented the bear suit or whatever, the invincible suit.

I'm looking for inventions that maybe didn't make the cut or that did and just aren't still around today.

I got a couple examples here for you.

The first one is called the Urban Window Baby Cage.

Oh, I love those.

It's like a mesh cage.

You put it out your window, you plop your baby in there and let it play outside.

And I mean it, because it is a caged animal.

What are most things that you keep babies in, if not cages for your tiny animal?

It's true.

You just hang it out the window and baby can come back whenever you want it to.

They're softer and more civilized, but they're just fancy cages.

And likely you can close the window behind it so you don't have to hear the crying.

It's excellent.

Yeah, that's a great invention.

Just make sure that glue's on there real good before you let the baby crawl out in the little danger cage.

Another example.

What if you and the boys are like, man, look at our beards.

But what if, bro, we all want to be like shaved together, bro?

The group shaving machine is it for you.

You can have up to a dozen men get shaved at once with the group group shaving machine.

Are we inventing these ourselves or are we looking up real ones that were

I will accept either.

If you want to come up with your own terrible inventions, I will listen.

We'll call them wild, wacky, and one usual

inventions.

One usual.

Not winventions?

There's just one.

It's fine.

Alright, I've got one actually that's real, and you're going to love the name.

You're going to love the name.

You'll understand why this sold.

Radithor.

Radithor?

What?

What is Radithor?

Okay, Radithor is a patented medicine from 1932.

No, 1918 is when it was

introduced.

Radithor by William J.A.

Bailey, his biggest commercial success.

Sold 400,000 bottles between 1925 and 1930.

It's a lot of Radithor.

Oh, it's so much Ratithor.

People were buying it left and right.

It was curing all kinds of ales for everybody.

William J.A.

Bailey, a dropout from Harvard College, not a doctor, just so we all know, advertised it as, quote, a cure for the living dead.

Wow.

It cures zombieism?

Oh, yeah.

As well as perpetual sunshine in a bottle.

It cures sunshine or it gives you sunshine.

It's perpetual sunshine.

Infinite light and cures the zombie apocalypse.

What a thing.

It was expensive, expensive, but it also cured impotence.

Ooh.

Anyway, so it was all ruined by someone named Eben Byers, who, you know, actually graduated from college, Yale.

Boring.

They drank 1,400 bottles of Radathor beginning in 1927 and stayed alive and healthy until the ripe old age of 1932.

They were that old?

Well, yeah, well, I mean, oh,

he died in 1932.

Wait, wait, yeah.

The ripe old age of 1,932.

Right.

He didn't die until later.

He's still alive right now.

What a strange, you know, unrelated things about his death.

You know,

he had his jaw removed before he died.

Probably unrelated.

And also, he was buried in a lead-lined coffin.

Oh, weird.

Is that like a sex thing?

Well, I mean, probably.

It was probably some.

He was a weirdo.

You know, he died for mysteriously re and also his corpse had the

like equivalent

radioactivity of about 4,400 bananas, which is, you know, putting in perspective, that's not that bad.

I probably could eat that many bananas in a short period of time if I meant to.

I doubt it would kill me.

When you go to the store and they have like the whole banana thing up and like it's got this weird feeling as you approach it, then you feel a little nauseous afterward.

I remember that.

Yeah, I know, right?

I might actually be misreading that entirely, but his body was radioactive.

Turns out Radathor was a patented medicine with distilled water containing one micro

of radium-226 and radium-228.

I'm guessing radium is radioactive.

Oh,

yeah.

I'm sorry, have we learned if that's good or bad for humans yet?

Well, he lived five more years till he died.

He probably would have died right away if not for the ratathor.

Yeah, we just don't have enough data.

I mean, it would definitely kill all the things in you.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, he sold 400,000 bottles of this, and this one guy drank 1,400 of them.

That's quite a lot.

Yeah.

They're half-ounce bottles, so he only drank 800 or 700 ounces.

What was he teaching, like, treating like five-hour energy?

He's like, oh, Jan, must need another bottle of Ratathor.

It kind of looks like a five-hour energy bottle.

Wait,

let me show you a picture of this.

It's actually,

it looks suspiciously similar to a five-hour energy bottle, like a ye old five-hour energy.

Ye old five-hour energy bottle.

Wow, it's triple-distilled.

Well, the radiation won't leak out with that cork in it.

Yeah, of course not.

Mesothorium?

That's good stuff.

All right, anyway, so that's an invention.

I won't say it's bad.

I have one that is equally good for humanity.

This one, the name kind of gives it away.

So, before I tell you what it's called, I just want to share a picture of it.

I hope this is one that I might have encountered in my research.

This is called the Rainy Day Cigarette Holder from 1954.

You ever just really need a smoke so bad, but don't have a full human-sized umbrella, but it's raining outside?

All you need to smoke in the rain is one tiny cigarette-sized umbrella.

Can I work with you, Bob, to give you a better version of this invention that I think we could make?

Uh, sure.

There's an invention I thought you were going to bring up that's very related to this called the Chain Smoker.

Oh, look up the chain smoker and just imagine how many umbrellas you could put on this baby.

There's just so many.

All I get is pictures of the band, the chain smokers.

Hang on, let me share my screen.

Oh, I see it.

I found it.

Yeah.

That's.

Oh, wow.

Ooh.

Classy.

That is classy.

It's like the V8 engine of cigarettes.

Where you can, it looks like it holds 20 cigarettes and you can smoke 10 of them at once.

So combine that with what you found, and that's a lot of umbrellas.

Yeah, well, it could be expandable.

You just keep adding every length of pipe has its own umbrella and you just keep adding, you can add another length, add another, you just need to make sure you have a plug for the end.

And then, um, wow, look at that.

That's uh, that's quite the thing.

What was yours called?

Mine was called the Rainy Day Cigarette Holder.

I like it.

Because we all knew in like 1960, 1950 that cigarettes were good for you and you needed as many of them as possible.

And you definitely don't want stupid things like rain and water to get in the way.

Man, I am finding some hilariously good stuff here.

They get pretty unusual, don't they?

Well,

this one's useful, I think, but also

funny, but useful, maybe.

I don't know.

What?

Wait, he was just mouthing something.

What'd you say?

That was for the viewers.

Well, I'm a viewer.

I didn't.

I'll tell you later.

Oh, okay.

Don't look at me.

I don't want to jump the line.

If it's Mark's turn,

I'll give you a second.

I have a couple.

I'm trying just to determine which one's the weirdest.

That's not terribly weird.

Why would you say that?

It's unusual.

Oh, while I figured this one out, I just remembered one that I actually know about.

Do you know about the testing of one of the earliest parachutes?

No.

No, I don't think so.

So this is before the parachute was perfected, but I think

we owe a lot to Franz Reichelt, Austro-Hungarian-born guy,

who unfortunately passed away in 1912 uh at the age of 33 so really not terribly that old uh but he really really really wanted to make the parachute work and lo and behold he actually got permission by the french government to test his parachute off of the eiffel tower there is video

of this guy testing his parachute it's it's it was It was filmed both from the top of when he jumped off and the bottom.

And he landed safely?

He landed.

So it goes, he, at 8:22 a.m., observed by a crowd of about 30 journalists and curious onlookers, Reichelt readied himself facing towards the Seine River on a stool placed on a restaurant table next to the interior guardrail of the tower's first deck.

A little more than 187 feet above ground, 57 meters.

After adjusting his apparatus with the assistance of his friends and checking the wind direction by throwing a piece of paper taken from a small book, he placed one foot on the guardrail, hesitated for about 40 seconds, then leapt outwards.

According to La Lefigaro, he was calm and smiling just before he jumped through his 40 seconds of hesitation.

His parachute opened only about halfway, folded around him almost immediately, and he fell for a few seconds before striking the frozen soil at the foot of the tower.

Ooh.

How is he now?

Well, he was already dead by the time onlookers rushed to his body.

Okay.

I mean, big mistake doing this in the middle of winter when things were frozen.

Obviously, parachutes don't work in winter and ground is extra hard.

Parachutes don't work in winter?

I didn't know that.

Jesus Christ.

Wait,

there's a funny end to this.

Mentioned

an autopsy concluded that Reichelt died of a heart attack during his fall.

Oh, no.

No.

So he would have survived.

He wouldn't have made it.

He's just too scared.

Anyway, so yeah, that was one of their earliest parachutes.

We don't know if it's the earliest, so maybe in human history, people were trying different things.

Probably.

The depth of the crater he left was about 15 centimeters or 5.9 inches, if anyone was.

He Yamchad?

Poor man.

I think maybe, actually.

You know, he might have pulled the full.

Oh, so sad.

It is, yeah.

No, it's, yeah.

Well, at least he paved the way for the next parachute, which was the one one that worked, right?

I don't know about that one.

Bob?

Come with me on this one.

You're a serious business person.

Time is of the essence.

You need to make sure communications between you and your staff of many industrious workers are quick and effective.

You live in and also you live in the world before telephones, before like even telegrams, maybe.

Old, old, old.

Victorian times even.

What do you do?

Walk around and talk to each other face to face?

No, that's stupid.

You do what kids on modern playgrounds do, and you install metal pipes that run between rooms and across floors of your building of industry, and then you shout into them so that people on the other end of the pipe may hear your message as expeditiously as possible.

Listening tubes were used in the Victorian era as a form of intercom system.

And I can only fucking imagine some Baron of industry just sitting in his office, like, hmm, you know, tell

tell Jenkins we need the prototype by tomorrow.

Ah, yes, sir.

I'll get to that right now.

And I was like, what the fuck?

Just guys yelling into tubes running around the whole factory.

I love the idea of a very formal meeting where you're like, I think we can possibly have this job provided to you, but it's going to be costly.

All right, I need to have a plan right now.

So, if you're going to take this seriously, I need you to act serious.

Where's my conference?

It's an all-hands meeting.

Unfortunately, Frederick's

going to have to conference in.

Don't worry, guys.

I can hear you just fine.

Can you hear me?

He couldn't make it into the office.

He's downstairs.

He's two floors down.

He just couldn't get away from his desk.

Man, I bet there was like plans for inner city tubes just going everywhere.

it's like we can make this happen guy guys experimenting with how long tubes can be like oh it could be a whole block away you have to really shout you need shouters you need very loud men to communicate your message you need good shouters and good listeners but you can make it work our company merged with a company across the street we're installing the listening tubes right now so we could be one solid building man if we weren't you know in a universe where electricity worked i wonder how far people would push technology like this.

That's what steampunk's all about is like things just can't progress any farther than that.

So this is just reality.

It's the pinnacle and it's great.

I think it certainly adds a fun dose of levity into the corporate

world of corporate industry.

Because it's hard to be too serious and condescending when you're shouting into a big metal tube hoping that someone on the other end is listening to what you're saying.

You get in a relationship with someone who lives like a few blocks away and you start installing your listening tube so you can talk to them throughout the night.

It's not a phase, mom.

And then the breakup, you have to uninstall your tube really sadly.

You just keep it and fart into it every day.

And eventually it'll be so full of farts, it'll reach the other end.

I, okay, so there's an inventor that I think we've talked a little bit about.

His name is Thomas Midgley Jr., right?

So this guy, he's the guy that was like, we should add lead to gasoline.

We should make these

chlorofluorocarbons that cause the hole in the ozone, right?

But, and you'd think those would be, you know, adventions to leave a legacy behind.

Like, he's often known as like one of the most destructive people to ever live on humanity as a whole, right?

Damn.

Did terrible things, you know, with the lead gasoline and the...

Atom bomb, lead ozone guy.

I mean, look, if you want to go by the numbers, there's actually math behind it of the amount of destruction.

Also, I think

he pioneered the use of Freon, which I think is more safe for refrigerators.

Plus, you're American out.

Yeah, Freon, very bad.

We like Freedom on.

But

his own invention that he made

because he had polio, right?

So

he got polio at 51.

So he invented a series of ropes and pulleys to lift himself out of bed.

But on November 2nd, 1944, at the age of 55, he was found dead in his home because he had been killed by his own device after he became entangled in it and died of strangulation.

He should have known, don't invent anything else.

All he wanted to do was reach down and grab the remote for him.

Little did he know he was the worst inventor of all time.

Yeah, he's up there.

He's definitely up there.

His name will live on in infamy.

What was it?

I don't remember.

All right.

Thomas, no, Thomas Midgley Jr.

I got another winner here.

This one really plays well in corporate America, too.

It was invented by Hugo Gernsback in 1925.

The world is a noisy place.

There's listening tubes all over.

People just shouting at you through every pipe they can get their mouth on.

You need to focus.

Hugo understood this, the importance of being laser-focused on your task.

And that's why he invented the isolator helmet.

This is a helmet that fully covers your head, fully blocks out all sound,

all light, and

seals tightly so that it blocks off oxygen.

Uh-huh.

It was invented as a means of helping you focus.

It is a thing out of which you cannot see or hear and which doesn't allow oxygen in or out.

So all it is is a dark box for you to slowly suffocate in while you go insane with nothing but your thoughts to soothe you.

Well, how soothing are those thoughts though?

It's really soothing.

Oh, well, it really depends on how healthy you are in the mind, I suppose.

A strongman's thoughts are very soothing.

Those had a lifetime warranty.

You were guaranteed to only ever need one.

There is just no chance that you're going to get distracted from how much you're suffocating to death when you have the isolator helmet on.

Nothing else in the entire world could possibly even cross your mind as you slowly die in your sad tube.

I can't see why that didn't catch on, but

they aren't around today.

Go figure.

There was a guy.

Well, okay.

I was going to say this one, but I read...

right now that he didn't invent it.

So Jimmy

Heseldon

owned Segway, and his Segway went off a cliff and he died, but he didn't invent it.

So, I don't think that that counts.

I will say there is a guy named Valerian Abakovsky who invented what he called the Aero Wagon.

I mean, it just looks awesome.

Let me show you a picture of this.

This thing actually looks kind of, kind of, kind of awesome.

It's a rail car with an aircraft engine in it and propellers on the front

of it.

I can't tell.

You know, I look at these pictures nowadays and I'm like, I don't know if this is an AI-generated picture because you never know.

But this is on Wikipedia, so who knows?

I think it's real.

But the story is as follows.

Oh man, look at a picture of this guy.

Again, wait, I'll go show you a picture.

This, again, looks, some don't look right about it.

Some don't viewers, it's just he looks like he's seen something.

The lighting on his face that just randomly doesn't cover part of his lip but then covers again.

I mean, that's

fine.

It looks like a drawing of him as opposed to.

Yeah, it has maybe a drawing vibe or something.

It's something weird about that.

There's the lighting is like, what is blocking?

What shape?

He's just got a really pointy nose and a really puffy corner of his mouth.

No, it's the lighting that's wrong.

And his hat is crooked.

The bill is like crooked.

He's a crooked man.

He's a crooked man, but he was trying to revolutionize things because he made the AeroWagon, which was an experimental high-speed rail car fitted with an airplane engine and propeller propulsion, originally invented to carry Soviet officials, specifically Soviet officials.

In 1921, July 24th, he and a group of communists led by Soviet politician Fyodor Sergeyev took the Aerowagon from Moscow to the Tula colludiaries to test it.

Abakovsky was on board, and they successfully arrived in Tula.

On the return route to Moscow, however, the Aerowagon derailed at high speed, killing seven of the 22 on board,

including

a Bulgarian delegate, an Australian delegate, a German delegate, a British delegate, Fyodor Sergeyev, the guy earlier before, not the inventor, another German delegate, and the inventor himself.

It's a strangely not Russian list of people that died in this incident, but I'm not saying anything about that.

But he invented that.

It crashed, and they never did it again.

You know what needs to be cooler?

Ice.

Putting out fires.

It's not fun enough.

And I'm not talking like firemen and professionals.

Like if you, if you're at home or you're at work or whatever and there's a fire, you go to the wall, you grab the fire extinguisher, you

fine, whatever.

Wouldn't it be more fun?

If you had like a snowball fight with the fire?

Like it's like it's a game?

I think you're right.

Yeah.

Okay.

I think instead of those boring, safe, reliable red fire extinguishers that we have all over, we should just keep buckets full of glass balls full of chemicals.

And when there's a fire, you just grab the appropriate number of fire extinguishing grenades and huck them at the fire.

And boom, fire is out.

And you had a great time doing it.

I like it.

Sounds good.

The last chemical fire grenades.

I like it.

I think I've actually heard of this before.

I didn't know it was bad.

I don't know if there's a modern

version of it, but

classic fire extinguisher grenades date as far back as 1723, apparently.

But basically, it's a big, it's like a very large glass ampoule.

filled with fire extinguishing chemicals of some sort or fire retardant powder or something like that.

Apparently the early ones had a gunpowder charge, so when you throw it, the powder, the powder scatters, and the puffs sort of like, you know, you can put out fire with explosions because it starves it of oxygen.

The black powder spreads out and goes puff, and then the fire retardant dust.

Anyway, it's just more fun, you know?

I like it.

I mean, legitimately, there's a modern one of this.

I have a video of it right now.

Oh, well, I didn't, I was just looking at the oldie, the olden times.

I want to see the modern one.

They had the right idea, that just the wrong execution, because here is the modern version of it.

It is literally, it looks just like you're talking about a ball boom

and it puts out the fire.

Well, you have to stand next to the fire and hold this giant ball over the fire for.

No, you're supposed to throw it into the fire.

You're supposed to throw it into the fire.

I believe

I've seen another video of it, firefighting grenade.

And it actually does seem kind of effective.

Oh, here we go.

Here's an, here's another one.

Let me, oh, this video is, oh, so good.

All right.

So, so you throw it in, and boom.

Oh, I like that.

I know, right?

Oh, I want to buy one.

Give me 20.

Well, this invention, I guess I didn't meet the requirement.

This invention is still around because it's a great idea, just like I was saying.

Ooh, a mini version.

Oh,

wow.

Wow.

Oh, it's an automatic fire extinguisher.

You install it under the hood of the car, and then if the fire starts in the car engine area,

have a pyromaniac kid install one of these on him when they go play.

Just have him wear a vest covered in them just in case.

Tape two to his hands.

So he's always holding them.

Can't start fires if you don't have your hands.

I like the ideas.

Well, I was, it was kind of a joke, but like, honestly, that's.

Unless you're a bad, unless you're like a bad thrower, in which case, that does seem like it has a little bit of a disadvantage.

Like, there's one, you know, one big grenade left, and there's a fire, and they're like, just toss it in there.

And you're just like, whoop, down the stairs.

Well, I guess there's a fire, isn't there?

Fuck.

Better run.

That one spot will be safe, though.

If the fire gets over to where I threw that,

I honestly do think it's kind of an interesting idea.

It's guaranteed to spread whatever fire retardant that it has in it

in an area.

And also, it doesn't mean you need to get close to it.

But yeah, bad arms, bad throwing, not great if if you're trying to do that.

So leave it to the train throwers.

Uh, I have one, and it's, it might be too soon, but

Ocean Gate.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

So two years ago, a man by the name of Stockton, Richard Stockton Rush III, co-founder and chief executive officer of Ocean Gate, a deep sea exploration company, or I'm thinking it was, uh, you know, went down in his

submarine that he made out of

carbon fiber composites.

And I actually watched a video of exactly where it went wrong because when the carbon fiber was wrapped, I mean, it's not a good idea anyway to use these materials.

There's a reason not to, because carbon fiber, while being very strong for its weight, has problems with, you know, over time.

But not only that, apparently when they made it and they wrapped it, they actually just ground down any imperfections in it before they added another layer.

So, with carbon fiber, it's continuous strands of carbon.

It's very strong that way, but it's one thin strand.

So, they weave a lot of it together to cover an area.

So, it's not, it's not one unified thing, but they will put like, you know, epoxy on it or resins and they'll, they'll build strength that way.

But if you grind it down, you cut those fibers where you're grinding it so those are no longer together.

So, when they layered it, it didn't matter how many layers they had.

Eventually, they had points of failure through the entirety of the hull.

That was one of the many reasons why it failed.

The only

silver line to this is that the death was so quick, none of them could even, it's not that they didn't feel it, they didn't even register it in their brain that it happened.

It's about the quickest way you could go possibly in anything.

So, you know, it's not good, but you know, at least there's that.

But he did invent it, and it's not a good idea to do that.

And he's quoted, his legacy is this quote, I think, in in a nutshell: quote, you know, at some point, safety is just pure waste.

I mean, if you just want to be safe, don't get out of bed, don't get in your car, don't do anything.

At some point, you're going to take some risk, and it really is a risk-reward question.

I think I can do this just as safely by breaking the rules.

So there's that.

It's truly unfortunate what happened, especially the other people that were on board for it, that put their trust in it.

It's just bad across the board.

But yeah, that was an invention.

Oof.

Oof indeed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Way to bring the mood down, Mark.

I got sadder ones.

I got more fun ones.

All right.

This is something, almost something we've talked about before.

We've talked about showing your butthole to the sun

or butt sunbathing or as I like to call it, hole flashing.

But in the early 20th century, sometime between the 1930s and the 1950s,

I've said that before.

Hold,

that's definitely not the first time I ever said whole flashing out loud to you guys, is it?

It might be.

It might be, actually.

Oh, it certainly couldn't be the first time in my entire life I've ever thought those words together in the same sentence.

Is it like old-fashioned, but with whole?

Whole flashing.

Call me whole-flashioned, but you know, sometimes.

Oh, God.

Look, everyone knows about that.

That's not cool.

In the 1930s, sometime in there, everyone figured out what part of your body gets even less sun than your butthole.

That's right.

It's your armpits.

That's why they made, manufactured, advertised, and sold specific sunbathing lamps where you could sit in a chair and the lamps would reach around.

I don't know if it was from the front or from the back.

I don't actually have a lot of pictures of this, but they basically would goop and tuck in there and you could get that sweet, sweet, sweet vitamin D up in your pits.

Great.

Could you use it for your taint as well?

I don't know how adjustable they were, but I imagine that would work pretty well.

Yeah, oh, yeah, I don't see why you couldn't, but also, I don't see why you couldn't just get a UV lamp in general and sit on it.

Probably work.

The armpits would be tougher, so it makes sense that they've made these scales.

Well, the armpits need a real particular positioning, and if you want to be comfortable, it has to be ergonomic.

Has there ever been any science behind that?

Like, any like

aside Aside from that you get vitamin D, no, it's all pseudoscience.

I know who to ask about this.

Apparently, a big part of the armpit revelation was like your butt, armpits are usually in clothes.

And even if you're naked, your arms are down, your pits are completely hidden.

But there are many lymph nodes in your armpits.

And so that's good.

to get sun on those.

Everybody knows lymph nodes like sun and stuff.

Yeah, there is no evidence.

None.

No, it just feels good, you know?

And if it feels good, how can it be bad?

Nothing can ever go wrong by getting too much sun.

I can't imagine how that piece of wisdom needs to be tampered.

Tempered?

Tampered?

Tamper with it.

Old-fashioned.

Whole flashin'.

Old-fashioned, whole flashin'.

I got another one.

These just get progressively more sad.

Well, not progressively.

They're all just sad.

You decide what's sad or not.

There was a guy named Carol

Suchek.

So he was a stuntman from Czech.

He went over Niagara Falls in a barrel in 1984.

He lived from that attempt or not attempt.

He did it.

He said, he wore, he was in a barrel that said on it last to the Niagara Daredevils, 1984, it's not whether you fail or triumph, it's that you keep your word and at least try.

It rolled over the Niagara River.

It made it and it's totally fine.

He emerged bleeding, but he was alive.

He was fine $500.

And then he was like, I'm going to build an even better one.

He got a taste of success.

He decided to build another one and he was going to test it during a stunt show in the Houston Astrodome over a tank of water.

Everything probably was going to work just fine.

However, on January 19th, 1985, while he was in the barrel 180 feet above the floor of the Astrodome, the barrel was released prematurely and began spinning as it fell towards the floor.

Instead of landing in the center of the tank of water, it hit the rim of the tank.

Foam pads, which had been placed at the bottom of the tank, had floated to the surface before it was released.

Everything went wrong.

He was still alive when he was cut from the barrel, but died shortly thereafter.

And apparently, stuntman Evil Knievel had tried to persuade Suchik not to go through with it, calling it, quote, the most dangerous I've ever seen.

So if Evil Knievel says not to do that, probably shouldn't do it.

All you youngins out there, Evil Knievel was known as doing some crazy stunts.

Don't worry.

I'll keep bringing the silly.

All right.

I've got your back, everybody out there.

Bob, hey, in your butthole.

Mark, 30 died, tragically.

This was invented by Carl Treis.

He called it a Laufmachine.

German for running machine.

But we know them modernly as dandy horses.

Right?

Everybody knows what a dandy horse is.

Oh, like a horse.

Okay, for anyone who might not know, if you're uncultured or whatever, a dandy horse is kind of like a bicycle, but it has hard wood or metal wheels, no suspension of any sort, and the wheels are free spinning.

And instead of pedaling on any sort of gears or anything, you just sort of have a seat between your legs and then run your legs.

Your legs touch the ground.

It's like a balance bike.

You know, kids have balance spikes when they're like learning how to do bike stuff.

It's, it's just, it's designed to just, you just run along with this thing wedged in your crotch, and it's like a bicycle that you run on.

And of course, it's called a dandy horse because why wouldn't it be?

Honestly, this makes sense.

I'm looking at a picture of it.

I'm like yeah if they couldn't master gears or like the kind of chain to drive the back it saves you all the annoying shit on bicycles it's just wheels and a thing to sit on my favorite part is that the wheels are hard wood or metal because holy fuck would that hurt your balls yeah

you have a hard leather saddle crushing your balls into your pelvis it's just a scooter it's a razor scooter basically but you know if they'd have just made a razor scooter it would have made a lot more sense this is what that does but you get get to use both legs.

Plus, you can kind of coast, which is nice.

If you just pick your legs up, you can kind of coast like you can on a bike, but at the expense of absolutely ruining any chance you have of making offspring.

There's an image of one of these when I look for dandy horse.

If you just search dandy horse and look at pictures, there's one that's like yellow.

Is it the modern one?

Yeah, where it goes over the back and has like a strap that goes around your stomach or something.

That's a modern reimagining of it where there's like you wear a harness and hang from the top of it and run underneath it.

Bob, you know what you've just done?

You reminded me that I have not checked up on electric bike technology in a while.

I'm about to go down a rabbit hole again.

Rabbit hole time.

That's what I'm going to be talking about for the next few weeks.

Don't you have one of those?

I do.

I do.

I just haven't been riding much because I haven't had much to go.

But, you know, maybe I should again.

I mean, everything was on fire for a while, I guess, so that didn't help probably.

Yeah, but I mean, that wasn't really the problem.

I think I just, I had the crash and then i went to uh somewhere to do something well i mean it wasn't a crash like it was bad and i was scarred for life i just i got hurt and my bike got beat up and so i think i still need to fix it i just haven't gotten around to it so i fell out of the habit but i want to get back into it again fun e-bikes are fun and only kind of as dangerous as motorcycles are oh yeah anyway have you guys heard of the brazen bull yes actually i like this this is a good it's a good direction the name sounds familiar i like the alliteration well you shouldn't uh so the brazen bull,

it's more of a legend than anything, but it definitely is a thing that was made.

But the situation around its invention might be just, you know, a legend.

So it was made

in ancient Greece by Diodorus Sisulus.

No, that's who, that's not the inventor.

That's who is recounting the story, right?

So it's basically a big bronze bull, hollow inside, door on one side.

And it was apparently, it was brought forward before the king or whatever.

And the guy who invented it was said, You put someone in there, light a fire underneath, and when they scream in agony, I've made the mouth like a trumpet that'll make their screams sound like a bull going.

So the king said, Wow, that's terrible.

Why don't you test it out?

And they shoved the inventor in there and they lit it on fire, and he died.

Apparently, I like how on Wikipedia it says type torture device, inventor

Perilus of Athens, Manufacturer, Perilus of Athens.

Available?

No.

Literally.

Available?

Amazon link.

Currently sold out.

Check back later.

So there you have it.

I don't know if they used it after that.

I'm pretty sure they probably did.

He brought it forth.

It's like, trust me, it works.

Who'd you test it on?

Oh, let's test it now.

Get in.

Did he sound like a bull?

Yeah, did it work?

I have an audio recording of it right now.

Play it, editors.

Yep.

There you have it.

Ah, history is funny sometimes.

Happy, Wade?

Oh, dude, yours are so fun and happy.

I know, I know.

I made the mistake of looking at images, and there's diagrams like cut open where you can see a person inside.

One guy looks like he's in a medical gown just lounging.

Another guy's like completely bound with the flames touching his asshole.

It's great.

Honorary, terrible thing to whoever invented like cave exploring.

Terrible.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, just, yeah, awful.

Don't care for it.

This episode is brought to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet.

I'm sure everyone can agree with me when I say that nowadays, everything in your house keeps getting smarter.

Smart speakers, smart mirror, smart toaster, smart coffee maker, smart shoes, smart carpet, everything.

What isn't smart?

Luckily, T-Mobile 5G Home Internet makes it easy to keep all your devices connected.

With their quick, one-cord setup, you can hop online in literally 15 minutes or less.

They've also got fast speeds, a price that works for any budget, and a 5-year price guarantee.

So if you're looking for internet that keeps up with you, connect to T-Mobile Home Internet for their fast 5G speeds, easy 15-minute setup, and 5-year price guarantee.

Visit t-mobile.com slash home internet to check availability.

Guarantees monthly price of fixed wireless 5G internet data exclusions like taxes and fees apply.

Service delivered via 5G network speeds vary due to factors affecting cellular networks.

Guarantee exclusions and details at tmobile.com slash home internet.

This episode is brought to you by Degree.

Degree is for the hustlers who put in the sweat, which we know a thing or two about.

For 35 years, 11 months, 28 days, and 6 hours, I didn't believe in deodorant.

But then, degree came along.

If you can relate to three relatable guys like us, Degree Advance has you covered with up to 72-hour sweat and odor protection.

Degree, here for sweat.

Buy now.

All right.

Bob, you got any more?

Yeah, obviously.

Do you want a stupid one or do you want one that I wish still existed?

This is probably the last one, but I guess you can throw in an honorary if you want, like Mark did.

All right, I'm going to pick the one I like better, and then I'll give you the honorary at the end.

This is a thing that existed in the first half of the 20th 20th century and basically fell out of existence by the 1980s.

The Automat Restaurant.

This is especially big in cities, but it's basically a diner sort of restaurant where it's like a giant vending machine.

But the vending machine isn't just stocked with stuff that doesn't perish, it's a kitchen, and then there's like a wall of

boxes where you put coins in, box opens, you take food, and then you eat the food.

It's like a self-service restaurant, restaurant, but there's an actual kitchen in the back where they make stuff, right?

It's basically fresh food, but in the fastest, most efficient form.

You go in, you find the thing you want, you put your money in the slot, you take it out, you eat, and get the hell out of there.

It's it seems like a cool idea.

Like, I like vending machines, but I've never had a sandwich from a vending machine where I ate it and I was like,

good sandwich.

I'm glad that happened.

Vending machine food is like, it's either, you know, chips or something like snacks, or it's disappointing.

And that's maybe not as true.

Like in other parts of the world, like Japan famously has shit tons of vending machines and amazing stuff comes out of the vending machines and you can get all.

But like in America, if you get a vending machine sandwich, you're going to have a disappointing time.

But if you could go to an automat restaurant and get a vending machine, you know, meatloaf with mashed potatoes, I just feel like that'd be cool.

I feel like there's a place for that.

Yeah, it definitely is.

Japan probably has.

I mean, they're known for non-stop vending machine everything.

So maybe now that I think about it, I have actually seen there are like ramen spots where it's just a big, there's a big thing of like hot liquid.

I don't know if it's water or broth or what.

You go in, you pick your pack of ramen, you pick your little toppings.

There's no like worker there.

It's all self-serve ramen.

It's a similar idea.

But anyway, my honorary mention:

there's not much to it, and it is what it sounds like.

Petal-powered land chips.

Do you need to move a mass of humanity from one place to another?

Don't want to burn gasoline?

Just put pedal.

This is kind of like the airline we invented back in the day.

Just put a bunch of people on a big bus-sized vehicle and they all have pedals and everybody better fucking pedal.

If you don't pedal, you die.

Yeah, I remember.

Instead of falling from the sky out of an airplane, you just get kicked off the bus.

Ship, but yeah, pedal-powered landships.

What an idea.

What an idea.

Man, the future was now.

They'd always be in econ mode.

I think that's all I got.

I mean, they just get more

hearsay.

I'm not sure if they're real.

Yeah, I'm running out of stuff that feels real to me.

The next one I had up was a bird diaper.

I don't know if I believe that that's real, but if it is.

A diaper for birds or a diaper made of birds?

Which one is that?

A diaper for birds so that you can have birds in your house, but it's more civilized.

Ah, of course, of course.

Because they poop everywhere and it's a problem.

I got a a couple fun ones to toss out for you all here before we wrap up.

Siamese dancing shoes.

Two pairs of shoes.

Each shoe is physically connected and part of someone else's shoe so that you're always stepping together.

Oh, that sounds not like torture to me.

Whoever leads fully drags your foot with them.

They were featured in a spoof Better Living catalog in 1981, but they're shoes that are connected.

But people wanted it after they saw the spoof i don't know i think they were invented before but i don't have a year on that one the rubber bumper is like a bench with a rubber backing that sits on the front of cars so that way if a car hits you it won't kill you you'll just be sitting on its bench 1930s invention to help you wait i'm having trouble picturing that one what is it isn't it just a a car bumper that's made of rubber is it not like the bumper that goes around like bumper cars something like that that's not rubber what at all that's made made of metal.

Oh my god, you would get annihilated.

No, no, no.

It's fine.

It's here to protect you.

So that it makes sure that you die if you get hit by the car.

So there's no insurance claims.

There's the spaghetti aid, which is a fork.

It's a long fork with a gear, and you wind a wheel that spins the fork for you to get the spaghetti on.

So you don't have to manually turn your fork.

It spins for you.

I actually still use one of those.

They're still relevant, still working.

I thought it was like a black hole simulator.

It's like, have you ever wanted to experience spaghettification in person?

This will stretch you to infinity.

There's the family bicycle that looks like it's five people on one bike with two wheels.

Looks great.

Yeah.

That's a thing.

Isn't there a what?

Isn't there a band at

in Disney where it's like five guys on a bike and they're all playing instruments and singing a song or something?

Isn't that a thing?

I've seen that modernly.

Yeah.

That's a thing.

Yeah, I've seen that for sure.

There are two anti-bandit briefcases: one that releases a smoking chemical vapor if someone tries to grab your briefcase, which probably isn't good to breathe in.

The other one automatically drops all the contents of your briefcase out all over the place to make sure that they're not taken.

I have some very important documents that if I can't have them, no one should have them.

Either I get these to their destination intact or fuck all this stuff.

Get it out of here.

Before coils were put into like shoes, like gym shoes and stuff like that, there were the spring heels of the 1930s.

It's a heel that just has a big coil at the bottom with a flat surface that wings you around.

That's obvious.

That's moon shoes.

Anyway, a whole bunch of fun, wacky, wild, and unusual things.

Winventions.

Winventions.

Let me go through the points and I think...

Oh, my bonus point will be

made things the happiest.

Oh, Oh, come on.

Oh, come on.

That could be either of us.

You can't have happy without sad.

You need to have the contrast.

You need to have the contrast.

And you can add it next time.

I'm going to put that in as happiest contributions.

Let me read the points, and then we can do our wheels.

Right now, Mark, you've got YouTuber returns.

Then I've got to defeat the Duns.

Thank you.

First parachute, Radathor, Bad Tom.

I don't know what Bad Tom.

I think it was Tom.

The inventor invented all the bad things.

Oh, sure, sure, sure.

Oh, oh, right, right, yeah.

Heart Attack as a supplement to the first parachute.

Airplane train, conspiracy to

conspiracy to something.

Conspiracy to

Ocean Gate,

Bad Barrel.

Oh, the guy with the first Stuffman guy.

Well, his barrel was fine.

It's just

the launching of the barrel didn't go so good.

Brazen Bull

and Splunk.

Because I couldn't get it to write the ing.

So we just have Spelunk.

Splunk?

I don't even know what that was for.

Because you said, fuck whoever invented Cave Dive.

Cave.

Glad my throwaway got a point there.

That's awesome.

Bob, you insist that I take a point away from you for hates solo YouTube.

Yep.

You got a point for bad golf.

You got a couple points for inviting me to golf with you.

It was very thoughtful of you.

Nice.

Rainy Day Cigarette holder listening tubes snowball fire isolator helmet dead star of the fire is on here hole flashing

pit sun fending diner bring in the fun points powered land ships and then one that looks like oh it's this pedal it's part of the same thing pedal land pedal powered land ships man i got multiple points on lots of my contributions i got lots of stuff here yeah that's that's crazy i i feel like i I feel like I got my screwed.

You'd be really surprised at how close the score is.

Well, never mind.

Don't need to get my coin out.

I got one pity point.

So, right now I'm at one, and I won't tell you your guys' score, but I will tell you it's closer than it sounds based on how much I wrote.

Wheel time?

Yeah, we got to do D3, then the big wheel.

All right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

All right.

It'll make it pretty simple.

Well, that's really going to spice things up.

We get one bonus point roll.

And I already added your extra thing.

So here we go.

God damn it.

You got to be fucking kidding me.

Point for viewers.

We got to get some warm-up spins on this thing.

We got to get the RNG going.

This is crazy.

There's no way.

Well, looking at the final score now that the viewers...

It was viewers, right?

Uh, yeah.

Yes, it was.

All right.

Viewers, one point, me, one point, Mark.

12 points, Bob, 14 minus one for 13 points.

I win?

You invited me to golf with you, and that was really the two-point swing.

All right, friendship.

What about me?

I'm a friend.

I offered my friendship to both of you in this episode.

You could always tempt the fates.

Yeah, you can see if Bob will uninvite you.

Is that what we do?

Yeah, I think him being invited.

I think I declare.

Wait, I declare.

If it's uh if I win this, you get uninvited from golf.

I don't think it's fair that you two get to have fun golfing and I don't.

I declare that's unfair.

Not about winning the episode.

It's just about going for golf.

I think Wade gets to determine what it's about for sure, but.

So if Mark wins, I don't get to go for golf.

If he wins, I have to go.

He gets to go twice to golf.

So either we're both going, which is what was invited, I go without Mark, or Mark goes twice without me yes

okay that sounds good

oh i dropped my coin hang on

is yours heads mark mine's heads mine is tails mine is lion oh thank god all right fine it was heads heads is good for you i don't remember which one's which head no tails wait no yeah heads is good for me that's right okay

These coins are so arbitrary.

I forget what meaning they actually have.

These rules make so much sense.

They just play themselves out.

I'm going to make an episode that's that's just coin flip the episode.

Well, I'm so glad that weird part four happened and I got to do weird adventures and you guys didn't screw it up for me.

Wacky, wild, and weird.

Is this what you wanted the other weird episodes to be like?

Kinda.

Oh.

Well, all right.

Didn't you ask about like animals and shit before, though?

Yeah, I had to find a completely different weird topic because I knew.

I feel like we talked about weird animals in those previous episodes.

like I feel like we did exactly what you wanted before I don't recall I remember staring off into the distance questioning my reality we were engaging with the topic yeah we were being extra weird I think it was great but I pulled this one off as I had planned it envisioned it it's probably not as good as the previous weirds well we'll let the audience decide that won't we yeah only the viewers though because the listeners didn't get any points you got to participate if you want to have a word you know if you want your word to count or or whatever.

Well, congrats, Bob.

You, your losing streak is over.

It wasn't that long of a losing streak, but it did, it was a while.

For listeners and viewers, I haven't hosted in a couple weeks now.

So get ready.

It's going to be a banger.

We're giving Mark as much time as possible to re-imperfect.

Perfect that.

People, when they get it, they're going to laugh so hard and they're going to be so excited.

They're going to be like, wow, this was so worth it.

And it's not even like the other ones were bad.

They were great.

They're very funny.

But no.

No, no.

It's going to be nuts.

When I get this.

Oh.

Nah, I'd steal part one.

Mark has just self-engineered a 5e rulebook, and we're just playing Dungeons and Dragons.

It's exactly the same.

He's got all this.

He's got dice and sheets and a whole thing.

You guys need to make characters.

Pick your attributes.

I think you need a health.

I think you need strength, a little bit of cunning.

Can't wait to see it, Mark.

I'm excited for your fully fleshed out.

It's going to be great.

We've done everything we can to avoid actually playing D ⁇ D, but to make D ⁇ D games.

More like Shme and Me.

We don't need it.

Oh, I love Shme and me.

Mark, do you want to give your loser speech first?

Yeah, I would say that I think we can all look at the brazen bull half full or half empty.

Just because my inventions were all related to the death of their inventor and not just being a minor inconvenience or silly, I think, you know,

I think the results speak for themselves at how biased it was, but I don't have a coin to toss about it.

The only one I don't know that ended in death that you gave me was airplane train.

Did that end in death?

It ended in seven deaths, actually, the most deaths.

Remember all the delegates who died?

That was airplane train.

Literally everything you gave me was death.

Ends in death.

I think he did that on purpose, yeah.

Do you know that we had considered making a series back in like 2012 whenever Mark and I were like going to like dinner every now and then talking about like a show called Ends in Death where every skit ended in horrible death.

I mean, that's pretty much how all the skits end anyway.

We thought it was too on the nose.

We're like, well, if we give away, everyone's gonna know.

But also, if they know it's coming, it'll be really funny when they figure out how.

Anyway, it was like our five-second film comparison.

They're still doing it.

They finally went to TikTok and I love it.

Five-second film, they do great things.

I'll just don't move, Kelsey.

Forever etched in my mind.

Bob, winner's speech.

Uh, you know what?

Winning feels even better when I do it less.

So I'm gonna keep doing it less.

I guess is where I'm getting.

I'm going to do it less and less every day.

I'll become the biggest loser you've ever seen.

And that way, when I win, it's a surprise and a delight for everyone involved.

This was a fun episode, and I'm sorry we didn't get to ruin weird part four,

but good luck sneaking part five past us.

That shit's gonna be an absolute joke apocalypse.

when it comes.

Alright, well, congratulations, you two.

You did great.

I had a fun time.

I hope you did as well.

Viewers and listeners, I hope your time was at least okay.

We really kind of ping-pong between fun and death today, which I think is a fantastic pendulum to swing on.

It's how you should live your life, honestly.

It's not legal advice that we're giving.

It's illegal advice.

Don't give away the next episode.

If you haven't already, go follow Mark at Markiplier, Bob at Mysker, me at Minion77 or Lord Minion777.

Stay tuned for the next episode where Bob will host and give us a fantabulous experience, I'm sure.

Yeah, check your emails.

Check your goddamn emails.

I don't have any.

Plans are actively working right now.

I don't know what you're talking about.

We'll find out.

Stay tuned until then.

Podcast out.

This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fusions, the newest drop from Welch's Fruit Snacks.

We've got to warn you about the consequences of eating Welch's Fusions.

It's like three dudes hanging out on a rooftop talking about the future.

Three dudes hanging out on a rooftop installing solar panels to provide a sustainable future.

Three dudes on a roof installing solar panels so that they can power their computers and record their brilliant idea for a podcast.

Pretty awesome consequences, if you ask me.

New Welch's fusions are so good.

Each one is a combination of two fruity flavors in one juicy bite.

One flavor on the outside, another on the inside.

It's an unbelievable taste sensation, so they are recommended for experienced taste buds only.

You have been warned.

New Welch's fusions, please use responsibly.