Distractible Travel Guide: Cincinnati

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Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible.

This episode, Bumbling Bob builds his March Madness and the terrific triad trade tour tips.

Wishing Wade stocks up on scout snacks, berates Babel coasters, crackers, ballers, and Astrale.

Monstrous Mark Derenda Rancher gets railed by the power people.

Mislays Tyler, favors phantoms and rags Larosas.

From sartorial satisfaction to plush parks.

Yes.

It's time for Distractible Travel Guide, Cincinnati.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello and welcome back to, for some reason, another episode of Distractible.

Couldn't tell you why.

It just keeps happening.

My name is Bob.

I'll be your host for today.

I'm the host because I won the last one.

And the way this works is the host is the winner.

Oh, and the winners for this one are going to be either Mark or Wade, because that's the other part of how this works.

Other reason the host is the winner, like laying the foundation for you to win.

I win because I'm the host.

I'm the host because I win.

I host this one.

I win this one.

I host the next one.

I'm the host forever because all I do is win, win, win,

and so on.

What a tautology.

Can I comment on something?

The listeners are going to weep because I'm going to mention another visual thing, but our shirt color combination is just very pleasant.

It's very striking.

It's more colorful than we usually are.

And yet they match up quite nicely.

I think that this is going to be maybe our best episode ever because of that.

We have like a red, a sky,

like an aqua, and then a, what, a burnt orange?

It's almost a traffic light.

Blue means go.

Everyone knows that.

It's more, it's green to me.

I said almost.

I'm not yellow, obviously.

Blue almost means go.

Everyone knows that.

Editors, turn us into a traffic light.

It's good to be back on top, boy.

Perfect.

I do have to agree with you, Mark.

I like the colors of our shirts.

I'm just going to throw this out there.

This is accidentally day three of this shirt.

James was up in the middle of the night last night, so I didn't go to bed till 4 o'clock.

Accidentally slept in, had to go get the dog's medicine.

Didn't end up getting the dog's medicine.

Still wearing the same shirt.

Life is going really well over here for me.

And for the listeners out there, I want to comment.

We sound really good today.

I might sound completely different.

Do I sound different to you guys?

I'm on a new mixer.

I'm on a beacon setup now.

I got the same mic, but I got the things.

Do I sound any different?

Better?

Worse?

Happier?

Honestly, I didn't notice a difference.

I would have to have an A-B comparison.

I don't have.

My goal was to make it basically similar.

I will say Sam, our lead editor, texted me and said that my mic has been clipping in the last few recordings and that he asked me to check that.

And so hear any clipping during today's episode.

It's because I'm incompetent.

I don't know how to set up my microphone.

And it's all Sam's fault.

Sam will fix it.

Anyway, how are you guys doing?

Small talk?

Tired.

I'm good.

I have an update on my mini hobbies.

Which one is it?

3D guns?

3D guns?

Ammo farm?

Where are we going?

Look, it's about the render farm.

It's been working delightfully.

Finally, after four floor air conditioners, two wall air conditioners, that some bitch is actually staying at a steady temperature.

But the harsh realities of operating a render farm.

You built a freezer, dude.

It's not that cold, man.

Even with all those...

I woefully underestimated how much cooling was necessary.

But I have another problem entirely.

I got my power bill.

Oh, no.

Did the seven air conditioners raise it slightly?

It's been up and down because we've been testing it, but we haven't been running it.

So the past month has been the first time it's been like running every day, chugging, you know, beautiful renders.

My power belt was $3,000.

Is your solar working or...

Yeah, it is.

I bet you wish you were a man with five of us instead of a man with seven air conditioners now, don't you?

I opened up that letter.

You know how they show a bar graph of your like monthly usage?

Yeah.

It was like, oh, and it's trending up as I'm testing.

And then this past month was,

just

astronomically.

Somehow it like comically goes off the paper.

You just look at it, just like,

you're like, what the fuck?

I don't know what the power company thinks is going on at this place.

You know, this place being a bathroom in my.

You're going to get raided by SWAT for a render farm.

Dude, dude.

Yeah, no, DA is gonna show up and be like, uh, the power company thinks there's a grow farm here or something.

Something crazy is happening, so it must be drugs.

Oh, there's a farm, all right.

You're gonna find seven 3D printers, a server farm, seven AC units, and a bunch of 2D guns.

There's like a big wooden crate with like the rack in it, and then just a bunch of pieces of paper with hand-drawn AKs on it.

This man's planning to raid the Looney Tunes.

I got a gun safe, and they're like, Open this safe.

I'm like, all right, I'll open it.

And just an avalanche of papers, you know, mask style with all the dollars coming out.

For some reason, they all have hand-drawn serial numbers, but then their hand scratched out.

Yeah, so that's my update.

And it's only going to, it's not going to go down much in the next few months.

So they didn't say anything about that, though?

Because like I, when we lived out there, we had, there was one summer where the really, one of the really bad fire summers happened.

And

we had all of our shit closed and sealed.

And we were running the AC just to try and keep positive pressure on our house because it was like toxic outside.

And our bill jumped by like 250%.

And the power company sent the bill.

And then they called and were like, are you guys okay?

Are you good?

And I was like, yeah, there's fires and shit.

Like, I don't know.

It's been awful.

But they, no one, they just saw your bill and were like, all right.

Well, if they did call, I didn't answer.

But yeah, I feel like they're probably more

into that.

They're going to think you're a render dealer and call you El Servo.

I had this idea a long time ago, before I started building it, a long time ago.

It feels like a long time ago, like a year ago.

Because with the Mac Studios, Apple Silicon, it's very power efficient.

And I did some paper math that was like the power efficiency of this cost over a period of time, the cost of this computer going on eBay and finding random stuff.

And the math showed me a year ago that the

power cost of the actual server grade stuff would be astronomically high.

And I'm like, I must be doing my math wrong.

That can't be right.

And now here I am.

My math was right.

Congratulations.

Oh, dude, 36,000 a year on power?

You're saving so much.

My yearly power bill is going to be $36,000.

Good math, I can tell you.

It's okay.

You're getting that back because the server farm is very very profitable, I assume.

Well, technically, it's saving me money.

Technically, I think I'm deep.

I think I'm deep in the red.

I don't want to go and do the math.

I don't want to get it.

It would have been so much better if I just hired another company.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

You factor in maintenance costs.

I'm sure you're going to be well into the green.

Well, maintaining it, I'm not hoping to do that.

I'm hoping that when it dies, it dies and I will just...

Because there's no company I can send it back to.

I've got it from eBay.

So, and it's not like I don't think I can sell it back again.

So you spent a year working on this, getting it to work.

You installed 70 air conditioning units.

You're paying $3,000 a month.

And your idea is...

When it dies, it dies.

Even now, I'm like buying a whole room full of Mac Studios might have been the better option.

How much Glauber salt do you need for it to die in a tragic Glauber salt accident?

Very little if I go by that one guy on Reddit

thought of what I was going to do, which was shove globersalt inside the computers and immerse them in it.

So very little.

Anyway, sorry, I gotta weep a little bit here.

I understand.

I would too if I had a $3,000 power bill.

I will say to people who live outside California, I don't know if it was the same, but we lived in the Bay Area.

Your power bill can get out of hand pretty quick.

I think the biggest single month power bill we ever had was like, I want to say it was like 700 bucks almost.

And we did not have a server farm.

I did have two computers that I ran.

That was during the period where I was streaming like eight to 10 hours a day.

And it was like 100 plus degrees for the entire month of July kind of deal.

And so it was like a lot of usage.

But three grand is a lot.

Yeah, it's a lot.

It's impressive.

In Ohio, that'd probably be like 600 bucks.

It's that beautiful, clean coal.

Hey, as long as it floats over to the air around another state, it's clean here.

Take that, Pennsylvania.

Well, Wade, how much money have you wasted since the last time we talked?

Okay, is it a waste if it's something you want and you're enjoying it?

Well, it's also pretty mean to say that Mark's wasting that.

It's not a waste, but.

Girl Scout cookies arrived.

All right, Vector, how many Girl Scout cookies did you buy?

Nine boxes.

That's not even

how much do they cost each?

Okay, I actually bought 13, but I did that thing where you donate like four.

Oh, you're saying I ate four of them so fast.

No, it counts as nine.

So last year I went a little overboard and I had like six boxes of thin mints, like five boxes of the, what are they, docey dos or whatever they're called.

The ones that kind of taste like cinnamon toast or whatever, but they've got a little icing on them.

I forget those are called, but they're really good.

Molly likes the lemon ones.

I got ones that are kind of just like a sugar cookie this year.

But last year I went a little bit too insane.

So I toned it down.

I only got nine boxes this year, which is still a lot.

I mean, it has to last you a whole year.

That's really not that crazy.

Like,

you buy a lot and you keep the thin mints in the back of the freezer or, you know, whatever.

You just, you keep them around.

Thin mints are so good.

They are.

Frozen thin mints on a hot summer day.

Not much compares in terms of cookies.

I never liked coconut in any other capacity than a Samoa.

Samoa?

Samoa?

Yeah, Samoa.

Samoa.

Those were my favorite and still are in my top three of.

all time.

When I was a kid, those were my absolute favorites.

Especially if they get warm because the caramel gets kind of soft.

Listen, Girl Girl Scout cookies are like the thing to look forward to in spring.

Can I just say I've never gotten over the feeling of it when it's Girl Scout cookie season, you know how they'll, every time you go to like a grocery store or anywhere, there's like a table with like a mom or a parent and like three girls.

And you walk in and they're just like, Girl Scout cookies.

And they're all like.

shy and adorable and stuff.

And I never, like, I try not to buy them.

Is it possible to walk past that and not just feel like an asshole?

I've never done it.

It's not a personal thing against those specific girls.

I just probably already have the ones I need.

The bigger update.

Car decision has been made.

Is there a car parked somewhere on property that you own?

Because that's really the litmus test.

I don't believe.

I don't believe you.

You've had decisions made before, so why is this different?

Yeah, well, okay, this is hopefully, so I've got a meeting Thursday to try to see what we can do to actually get the car.

It's not comp you buy it.

Yeah, but they never have, no one has cars on lot anymore.

It's all like order.

Last time we got a car, I found a car on the lot on the internet.

We showed up, we test drove it.

That car was ours within five hours.

It was a long time of paperwork and bullshit, but we bought it same day because I picked it out online.

I was like, this is exactly the spec I wanted.

And then we bought it because they had it.

And I knew they had it.

And we bought it.

Well, I'm hoping we have a similar experience because I called the dealership and I told them, I was like, I want one of these.

Can we find it?

And he's like, I'll see what I can do.

Let's meet.

And we start meeting for Thursday.

So we'll see what happens.

And we'll see what happens.

If you don't get a car, I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again.

Listen, I'm going to find one.

I'm going to find one.

You have found one.

You going to already.

Yeah, but they didn't have the one in stock.

I test drove a different model that was similar because they didn't have one on the lot.

So I'm hoping they can find one and actually get it.

I guess we'll see.

I don't believe you.

I don't even slightly believe you.

At this point, I think you just make up the car thing so that you have something in your life to talk about that's not Hanabi, Path of Exile.

Wait, are you sure that, and look around you, that there isn't a car in a box still in your office somewhere?

Oh, that could happen.

What if all the times we tried to get a Lexus, they actually did send us one and I just never knew because

I'm cardboard blind.

I can't see cardboard.

It's actually

the Lexus experience.

They ship it to you in a beat-up UPS box.

I got mine through Amazon.

They just chucked it over the fence.

I was so mad.

I ordered mine through Timu.

Showed up, and it was a child-sized car.

It was a fully functional, complicated car.

It was just small.

I got my car from Wish.com.

I'm better at cracking jokes during Mark's segment than my own.

He'll serve.

It was pretty funny.

That was pretty funny.

News out there is still depressing, so, you know, there's really nothing to say.

First Madness is going on.

I haven't watched any of it.

I am so solidly in the middle of the pack of the family bracket challenge that my father-in-law set up.

I'm killing it.

It's the best I've ever done.

I have Duke winning it all.

They're still in it, as far as I know.

They are.

I don't think that's likely, but it's possible.

Aren't they well-seeded?

They're a number one seed.

They're just not.

Houston seems to be the one everyone thinks is going to win, and Auburn isn't an outside shot.

I don't see anyone talking about Duke winning.

The number one seeds that everyone thinks are going to win often crumble to pressure, and it's one of the other ones that does win it, so we'll see.

Pressure does get the teams eventually.

I don't know anything about basketball, so I'm solidly in the middle of the pack is like basically top-tier performance for me.

So it's a family thing, right?

So it's like family and a couple family friends and stuff.

Almost everyone is in a similar area, and there are definitely a couple people who clearly knew something or got lucky and like are in the lead pretty solidly.

But poor Mandy's poor brother, I don't know what he you did to choose.

I don't know if it was random or if he, he's not like a sports guy, but his, so our, right now, where it stands is we all have somewhere in the neighborhood of like 45 to 50-some points in the way the points break down.

Mandy's brother picked a team to win that's already out and has 22 points somehow and has only picked correctly 19 times out of 40-some games.

Did he understand that the higher the number, the worse the seed?

I don't know if he chose all underdogs or what.

I don't think he even cares, but if he does, I'm sorry, bud.

He's like, 16 is bigger than one.

16 is probably going to win.

It's not even like funny, like, ha, you suck.

It's like, damn, how did you even, how did that happen?

Like, shit.

It's because he tried to think about it.

The reverse bracket.

Every game wrong.

One of the things about brackets is as it goes on, your total amount of points you could earn if all the rest of your choices were correct is is like it lowers right because as you every time you get one wrong you lose i can still earn 160 points on my bracket that's the max score i can get his max bracket score right now is 62 points which is barely enough to compete with the people currently in the lead of our bracket challenge so you're saying there's a chance that's not what he's saying that's not what he's saying at all we rewind we cut to him like actually like mad scientist going through each team's roster like seeing their potential draft status.

And he's like trying to create, and he's like, this is going to be the best bracket we've ever seen.

And he never put more effort to anything in his life.

And this is the result.

Well, it doesn't bode well for him that who did he pick to win it?

He picked.

Oh, he picked the Zags.

He picked on Zaga to win it, which is not a completely insane pick, but they were an eight seed.

They're a good tournament team.

Like they're traditionally, they're a good tournament team.

What was their seed this year?

They were an eight seed.

It's a bold strategy, but there's a chance.

No.

Mark, how's your bracket?

Oh, man.

If I did one this year, well, I've done one for the past few years, and I've done it completely by random.

And each time I've beaten Tyler's bracket,

I'm not lying multiple times.

I can't remember if it's every time.

I'll bet that goes over well.

But yeah, I just purely by random chance, and I don't just win.

I crush.

I crush him in points.

Just absolutely destroy.

I'm going to put down better at sports than Tyler for a point for Mark.

Yep, that's that's true, actually.

I'm surprised you guys didn't do one for Go.

He's gone.

Oh.

Oh.

Where'd he go?

He's gone.

Honorable.

How many times have I started a rumor that Tyler's dead on this podcast?

At least one now.

I forget where.

This is all a delay because I forgot where he's going.

He told me many times, but he's not here.

I know where he was until the middle of the night last night.

That's very specific.

Bird, the porn guy.

If you guys remember the porn guy from the porn episode,

I found out that he had to take Tyler to the airport last night.

That's weird because I know where Bird lives, and it's not near where Tyler lives.

It is not.

Meaning that Tyler was, in fact, gone.

Maybe that should be the topic of this episode.

We need to get to the bottom of this ASAP.

If we find out where he is by the end of the episode, do we get a point?

Yeah.

You can have...

two points if you find out where he is by the end of the episode.

Everybody starts texting Tyler.

Hey, where the fuck are you?

I'm debating whether I text Tyler or do I reach for the Girl Scout cookies?

Do I want the points or the sugar?

All right, let's say we can't just text him directly.

That would be cheating.

Should we get into the topic for today's episode?

I gotta be honest, I looked, and I'm only mediumly sure we haven't done something that's fairly similar to this, but I just sort of want to talk about it.

I'm calling this episode probably, not maybe, something like Distractible distractible travel guide, Cincinnati.

We have talked about Cincinnati and we have talked about like top 10 lists of things and whatever, but specifically what I want to talk about is travel guides.

I have the sort of like a general list of things travel guides, travel books will give you recommendations on.

And I kind of want to just go through those normal categories, but I want to get the distractible insider recommendations.

We know Cincinnati.

If there's any three people that know Cincinnati, know her bowels,

where she buries her bodies, it's us.

Interesting.

So, yeah, I just want to, we're just going to, this is a good resource.

If you're traveling to Cincinnati, this would be a great place.

If you need family activities, if you're looking for, you know, where to stay, where not to stay,

food to eat, you know, that sort of stuff.

So I just want to do that.

We'll just run through all the categories.

First one, I feel like it's going to be easy.

Cincinnati attractions and activities.

This is like historical sites, museums, natural wonders, festivals, anything that's like fun, like a thing where you go and maybe you buy a ticket or you like go for the day and it's like the thing you do.

What do you guys got for me?

You're assuming that when I was in Cincinnati, I actually went out and did things.

I know that you did lots of stuff in Cincinnati, Mark.

We lived together.

You were coming and going at all hours, not just sitting on your computer playing WoW 18 hours a day.

Yeah, you know me i was a real real uh real um whatever you call someone that goes out and does things i was a real one of those a real mark that's what i call it leaving a mark yeah you're you left your mark that's good not i'm not gonna give a point for that but that it is it's close uh and if you don't have any ideas you have to give me something so if it has to be made up that's fine but uh

no one else will know real activities are worth waiting yeah no one's gonna know no one's gonna use this there is no way you don't have any i have i have i have some are you plagiarizing off my list because you had zero two seconds ago i saw it on your face how where how is he seeing your list what's happening i have one at king's island that was my list i was hoping i was hoping that would make it in here yeah yeah kings island uh it's uh basically uh theme park it lost a lot of theming back after the Paramount days ended.

But now they have Snoopy Land?

Do they have Snoopy?

Is there Snoopy there?

I think that still exists.

Or Peanuts.

Yeah, Peanuts stuff.

They have Viking ship.

So that's pretty themey.

And then they have, I haven't been there in a bit, but they have not the Phantom Menace.

The

Phantom Pennsylvania.

I love that land at Kings Island.

Is it called just the Phantom?

They have Danny Phantom, the ride.

Is it a coaster?

Are you talking about like the Phantom Theater, which is no?

No, it's the one they built after the Son of Beast broke down, which was the tallest, fastest, and only looping wooden roller coaster.

Onliest, loopiest wooden coaster.

They had like firebird or something, but they closed that one.

That's the one where you're like, you're on your stomach's like hanging out or whatever the whole time.

Your stomach's hanging out?

You lay on your tumb.

You like lay on your back at first, but then like you're hanging, so it's like you're dangling.

But then I think they closed that one.

I never got to do that one.

So my favorite one is the one that used to be called Top Gun, and now it's called like Ace or something.

But when you're standing in line, all the sad old speakers are still like

and playing like the Top Gun music, but it's like debranded.

The danger zone, Banshee.

Banshee.

There you go.

We were just stalling so you could get there.

I liked Banshee, but I can't write it that much because it's like all corkscrews and loops, and I get very motion sick very quickly because it's just like

yeah, it's supposed to be like the ghost of the son of beasts.

So the beast over in the other side of the park mourns the loss of its son and has to go over and visit the haunted ghost that is the remnants.

There's like a gravestone of the son of beast outside of the ride.

I didn't know there was lore.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, damn.

I didn't know that.

But no, the son of beast was plagued by problems from its inception.

Nothing good came out of that roller coaster.

Many people had like whiplash and just shaken up spine syndrome, you know, that syndrome.

I do get it.

I like a wooden coaster.

I thought that was for a while when I was younger, wooden coasters were one of my favorite kinds of things, but they're they're so violent.

Like, I think it's funny that people who are wooden coaster enthusiasts are like, oh, this one's my favorite.

I almost died.

It shakes so violently, it dislocated my spine in three places.

It's the best.

It's like, I don't know if that's like it's fun because it's kind of a different experience, but I don't know if the most violent wooden coaster means it's the best wooden coaster.

Meanstreak up at Cedar Point was my favorite for a while.

That's a good classic wooden coaster.

Kings Island's slowly becoming that.

I mean, they were bought by Cedar Point.

So every roller coaster they add, they get closer and closer to God.

Oh.

They're getting taller, man.

They're going to reach them eventually.

What's the really tall one that they put in like 20 years ago?

Top Thrill Dragster.

Are you talking about, yeah, Cedar Point?

No, no, Kings Island.

Oh.

I'm just blanking on the name of it, but they actually finally just put in one taller than that one now, too.

Are we talking about a drop tower?

Are we talking about a roller coaster?

No, it's just a roller, it's a roller coaster that was the tallest roller coaster they had until like the last five years.

They put in a bigger one finally.

I gotta be honest, I don't know the coasters at Kings Island as well as I do at other at Cedar Point.

Yeah, it's been a long time since I've been there.

The tallster.

Oh, that might be it.

Oh, I do know what you're talking about.

Yeah, the diamondback.

Diamondback, yeah.

The seats on diamondback do not make you feel like you're locked in.

It's like a little bucket seat, and then there's a single small pole with like a little pelvis-sized handle that like comes towards you.

Oh, those are the best.

That's the thing that makes it exciting, though.

The seats have no, nothing on the side, so it's just like open air everywhere, and you're on this little seat that's separated from the seat next to you, or it's like one by itself.

And man, oh man, when you start to go down a hill and you feel your body lift up, and the only thing holding you down is this little rickety yellow pole, it's thrilling, but also kind of like it would be so easy to die here.

Yeah, well, you're not supposed to try to get out, but I wouldn't, but I've

no listen.

I don't know, that's the thing I like.

That's the thing I like more than coasters being like violent or lots of loops or whatever.

The minimal restraint feeling is one of the things that makes it most exciting to me.

I forget what it was, but there was some coaster where it was like a wooden coaster, and it was literally like a little seat belt.

Like you get in and you just go click and snug it down and that's what held you in.

And then you go and the whole time you're on the coaster, you're like, I'm barely in here.

Holy shit.

It's awesome.

Because they would definitely not design it in a way where you could get hurt.

That never happens.

Right?

I want to feel like I'm in a tank when I'm on the roller coaster, like a convertible tank.

That's not exciting.

Yeah, what's the point of that?

If you can't actually die, it's not even exciting at all.

Big blowy, big safe.

You know, I could just have a leaf blower, and you could close your eyes, and I could just blast you in the face.

You know, the kid where there's like a video of a mom with their baby, and they're like on a chair, and they're watching a video of a roller coaster, and the mom is like,

I could do that for you.

I would let you, that'd be fun.

Giant wade sitting on Mark's tiny little short legs.

No, he's on a chair, your little homunkey legs.

What?

Homunculus.

Isn't that like a tiny, like a hat?

Yeah, your homunkey legs.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Cool.

Cool.

I want bouncy.

Wade, what's your attraction or activity in Cincinnati?

I'm going to go with one that I don't know that we've mentioned here before, but that is pretty like...

I'm sure there are other museums like this.

But we have an Underground Railroad Museum because back in the day, that was...

a thing that happened was Kentucky was part of the south.

Ohio was part of the north.

The Underground Railroad came through here.

So we have an Underground Railroad Museum.

And I guess whenever you live here and you just have that you kind of don't think about it as something that like not many other places do have but there probably aren't that many of them i would think i don't know it's a very large museum and it's in a very cool it's down on the banks uh but where like the the sports stadiums and stuff are it's very cool it doesn't take super i mean you can take your time through it but it's not like it takes hours and hours and hours to get through so you can like make a nice day trip down to downtown walk around or go to some of the parks and you can go to the underground railroad museum because there is a lot of cool stuff around it too it's super easy to in general when you you live in a place to take for granted stuff like that, like museums and like educational stuff.

That Cincinnati Museum Center is also a fantastic museum and a very cool building because it's Cincinnati Union Terminal.

It used to be, and now it's like a big museum.

It's great, cool.

It's what's it?

Art Deco.

The main place where you enter it is like a three-story dome, half-dome thing that's got a huge mural all over the wall.

Well, I guess I can't say that one as an idea now.

That one's so obvious, Mark.

Shut up.

It's not that.

All right, fine.

Was that your idea, though?

Was that your idea?

I was going to say that.

Yeah.

It's, you know, but whatever.

There's the Ohio River.

There is.

You like water?

Get in there.

Start this motion.

You like water that can light on fire?

Is it still like, I know that's the, that's the thing about the Ohio River, but is it actually still that bad?

I don't know.

No, it's not like actually, it'll light on fire at any given moment right now, but it's pretty gross still in general, I think.

So I like, you know, we've heard that for years and years, but I know there's a lot of traffic.

There's a lot of barges and things and a lot of like transport that goes on.

So it's probably not the cleanest, but I actually don't know how bad it really is.

I would love to have a comparison of like seeing what the river looked like before people came around and started building big fire generating facilities, aiming their poop tubes into the river.

Rootsing their feces down in there, yeah.

Like, is the Mississippi, the Ohio thing dumps into the Mississippi, right?

So, is the Mississippi clean?

If the Ohio's not clean, I wouldn't assume that.

Apparently, it's not great, not advised to swim or recreation in there because of bacteria, algae blooms, and general contamination, though some sections are monitored and may be safe at times.

It doesn't seem

great, but

are you going to trust these scientists?

Or are you going to get on that pontoon?

And are you going to start boating?

What's the opposite of enlightenment?

I feel like that's the era we're in.

Endarkenment.

Are you going to trust science and knowledge and literature and facts?

No, we're in the endarkenment era.

Anyway, so yeah, there's that.

Which is weird because not many people know this, but Cincinnati actually has some of the cleanest drinking water in the country.

I don't know if that's the case anymore.

It was when I was growing up.

That's surprising.

I don't know what they do to treat it, but if you guys remember, we had that big train accident in like eastern Ohio near Pennsylvania, and then they had the big chemical spill, and they were like, Oh, it's going to contaminate the water.

It was tested here in Cincinnati, and I remember they were like, Um, I mean, we put more chemicals in, but like we tested it before we did that, and our chemicals already pretty much neutralized everything, so there was never really an issue.

So, whatever they do to treat it, apparently, they were ready for nuclear waste or whatever the heck got in the way.

I don't know what the spill was, but I remember there was this joke on

the Colbert report where he was making his own bottled water and he was touring around the country, being like, We filled this glacier and then this spring.

And they went all around the country and they said, and we finish it off with a little dollop of Cincinnati tap water.

And everyone in the crowd went,

but it was one of the cleanest.

So

they didn't know.

They didn't know.

Actually, I'm looking up the ranking right now, and I think Cincinnati has dropped quite a bit.

Is it bad news?

Well, it's not bad news, but instead of being up there, it's now 109th.

Out of 50 states?

Yeah.

Yes, the great state of Cincinnati.

I know some of Cincinnati uses like the Miami or Little Miami River.

Some of it uses the Ohio River, so on and so forth.

It's not bad.

I mean, generally, water and tap water in Cincinnati is fine.

It's a little hard, you know,

got the minerals in it or whatever, but.

I guess I shouldn't talk too much.

I still drink bottled water, but there's some places in Cincinnati where I like the tap water.

You don't drink, you don't just drink, don't you have like a fridge with a filtered water thing in it or anything?

We don't have a fridge with a filtered water thing, but we do have one of those filtered water things on

the kitchen sink thing.

I do sometimes.

It's okay.

I like the bottled stuff better, but it's not bad.

Weird.

That sounds like a judgment against you.

I've just always found that confusing.

Bottled water for me was always just the way my parents treated it was like a thing where it's like, if you're in an emergency, or if you're like out on the boat on the lake or something, you drink bottled water.

But otherwise, we just drink tap water, you freaking you weenies or well water.

We drank a lot of well water when we went like camping and stuff.

Well water is funky, it didn't hurt me, as far as I know.

So I didn't drink a lot of water.

Like, I feel like I always had pop in my hand.

Like, I always had Coke or like growing up, I was very bad about drinking just caffeine products.

So I had to like make myself switch over to start drinking a lot more water.

And like, I don't know, I don't know if it was like the holding something in my hand, like a can or a bottle that helps, but like getting a bottle of water water has actually helped me break my like caffeine habit.

No, I definitely get that.

I, what I'm trying, clearly, I'm not right now, but when I'm trying to cut out caffeine, one thing that helps me is, um, what the fuck is that?

Murder, murder water, death water, liquid death, murder water, cans of liquid death, because they're kind of they're the same kind of can that like energy drinks come in and stuff.

Having those as a thing where it's like I go crack one of those open, it like replaces the physical stem of

when I have my energy drink in my hand.

So, I get that.

I do get that.

Man, I haven't had caffeine for like a month and a half now.

Ooh, that's, that's getting into the, that's getting into the good part.

You're finally through the bad part, maybe.

I mean, there's probably traces of decaf that I was drinking.

You look, you like the AI-generated stupid mug?

This was a gift

from one of our family members, and they didn't know it was AI.

Just like the stupid.

It's a library.

Sure, sure.

Anyway, so, yeah, I haven't had caffeine for a long time and I miss it.

Do you feel the benefits yet though or still neh?

Yeah, I do.

I do think that it's generally more even.

I don't have that slump of energy and I never thought that it actually gave me energy and awakeness.

But on a day like today where I've only gotten like five hours of sleep last night because I've been steadily working and

I just I really want.

Well, I think it was Socrates who said the uncaffeinated life is not worth living.

Okay, so we've got attractions.

Got one each.

A couple.

Mark out of the Ohio River.

No, I just mean Mark and I have been really stalling this episode out.

We're afraid.

Because you only have so many good ideas.

You want to keep them.

I got it.

Well, that's okay.

Now's your chance.

Dining options.

Specifically, I'm going to say, not budget, but like reasonably priced family dining options.

Okay, I got it.

But not chains.

I mean, you can do a chain if you want, but like interesting Cincinnati stuff.

Yeah.

Imagine you throw open the doors and you're like, oh, this isn't a restaurant.

This is like a store.

And then you walk through the store and you realize, wait, there's a restaurant in the back.

They got a big fireplace.

They got all this shit on the wall.

It's beautiful.

Sit down in these lovely wooden chairs.

Oh, man.

It's so decorative.

Like, it's so decorative.

Do you not know where this is going yet, Wade?

No, I think I do.

I just did like the description of shit on the wall.

They make the best chicken and dumplings you've ever, ever eaten in your life.

Just

so good.

I order that sometimes with green beans, corn, extra dumplings, maybe, maybe biscuits with like some blackberry jam, you know.

What is this magical place called, Mark?

Ah, I barely remember the name.

I only visited it once or twice.

Is it that place that originated in Lebanon, Tennessee?

No.

Oh, okay, good.

No, it's not.

You stupid.

Tell us about the Cincinnati place.

God, what is that name?

Hmm.

Oh, well, can't remember the name, but really good.

Right outside of Milford.

You get off the highway there.

There's also a movie theater next to it.

We should buy that.

We should have some time.

No, it's really, it's really good info for a travel guide.

A vague location, no name.

Just start going into places, and once you find one that matches the description, you'll know you're there.

How did you end up here with all the Cincinnati places?

How did you end up at a chain that goes around the whole country?

That's just where he wants to go.

Every time Mark is anywhere near Cincinnati, he's like, I wonder if I can get to Cracker Barrel.

I need more dumplings.

Oh, it does sound actually.

I kind of want to go there now.

I've not had it in a minute.

I haven't had Cracker Barrel since the last time all of us were at one together, and I don't remember where that was.

It was like on the tour or something.

That's weird.

I was going to say, I could picture the restaurant.

Like, I can picture us being there.

Didn't we like stop on the west coast leg of the tour at a Cracker Barrel along the highway somewhere and had like Cracker Barrel all of us at one big table?

I think so, yeah.

It was like a travel day, it was like we didn't have shows, we were just like on the road all day, sort of thing.

I don't remember.

That's the last time I had it.

There isn't one like close enough to our house where it's like a thing that comes up because you know, you're always like, Oh, we should go out.

Where should we go?

And the closest cracker barrel is like maybe the Milford one, which is not very close to us.

Are we doing one round of this or multiple rounds of this?

Don't ask questions.

I want to throw out so many names.

Well, pick a starting place and then we'll see how many more I let you say.

Whenever you're feeling good and hungry, it's skyline time.

Oh.

Gather together with friends and family.

It's skyline time.

Listen, I don't know why you're suggesting the not Cincinnati one where, you know, Gold Star is.

Gold Star Chili, this is Cincinnati flavor.

Cincinnati flavor, right?

So it's the Cincinnati flavor.

How is Skyline, whoch's entire thing, is the skyline of Cincinnati, not a Cincinnati thing?

Oh, that's not what it's named after.

This is the man that picked Cracker Barrel, which originated in Tennessee as Cincinnati flavor.

Its logo still is the skyline of Cincinnati.

I don't think so.

Oh, you're right.

I'm going to give Mark a right point.

You got to go with Skyline.

If you only name one, I mean, La Rose's Pizza, apparently controversial.

I love La Rose's Pizza.

La Rose's Pizza?

I agree with Bob.

I've never liked La Rose's pizza.

I think it's just not a good pizza.

I don't like the experience at the restaurants.

Never eat at the restaurant.

Yeah, I just, if I could pick any, any pizza, La Rosa's would be at the rock bottom.

I would still eat it, but I would not be happy about it at all.

I do still eat it.

It's not like I see it and I'm like, ugh, inedible, but I would rather have almost any other chain pizza.

If I had to pick an Ohio-specific pizza joint, is Donato's popular enough?

Is that Cincinnati exclusively?

It's, I think it's Columbus, but it's like an Ohio thing.

I don't know if I've ever had Donato's.

The name is familiar.

Their thin crust is very good.

I thought that was a national chain.

I didn't realize that was local.

No, that's that's an Ohio thing.

Donato's in Columbus is a lot like La Rosa's this year.

That our Donato's was like sponsored by my youth baseball team, and we would go there after, you know, after a baseball game or whatever.

And when we did like, give it out the trophies to everyone, we'd go to Donato's and you have Donato's pizza and it's the whole thing.

It's like that kind of place, but I much prefer that to La Rosa's.

But I ate La Rosas recently.

It was about as I remember.

I really like it, but people do seem very divided on La Rosas for some reason, but I really do like it.

I think it depends if you grew up with it.

I did grow up with it.

Because, like you, they sponsored basketball and stuff.

So I had it a lot of events.

I don't think La Rosas is bad enough where it's like, ugh.

I would never, like, I'm never eating there again.

But it's not better than just like Pizza Hut or somewhere.

Oh, wow.

I disagree with that.

But it depends if you grew up with it, I think, because there's definitely stuff that I grew up with that is objectively not the best.

I still have not had blue ash chili.

That's the so we're talking about chili places that we haven't compared.

I still haven't tried blue ass chili.

It's one that's on my list to try, but I want to go there and have it.

When we go out to eat, we generally just pick somewhere like you know, else.

Um, obviously,

there's a Brazilian steakhouse we found here that I didn't know existed called Texas de Brazil over in Cambridge.

Thank you, Bob.

We ended up reading there, you know, when we go out to eat, we pick somewhere else.

Yeah, I guess you do, don't you?

You'd be nerd if you picked blue-ass chili and ended up not ever eating there.

You never picked a place to eat and ended up somewhere else.

I mean, probably that has happened, but not repeatedly.

I don't know.

That's a weird situation.

We get in the car like, today's the day.

We're making it to blue-ass chili.

Is that a melting pot?

We gotta go there.

All right, this is the one.

This is the one.

Oh, you know, we've not had five guys in a minute.

Better pull in here.

Texas Day Brazil is really good.

It's relatively new.

It's very good.

My only qualm compared to like a foco is their salad bar doesn't have any fruit.

I didn't even notice that.

I don't usually go for the fruit, but.

I don't know why, but I like having fruit.

Like, so if I went there looking for pineapple or something, there was none.

I actually just had a Brazilian steakhouse experience in Austin that left me bewildered.

It's after we do this little shoot in Texas, and Amy can attest to this.

We sit down

and we were going to have more, but then two other people canceled.

So it was like a smaller table.

But it was bright.

Super bright, sterile, bright, like it's a department store, just bright in the restaurant.

And it was, it was not a FOGO, it was some other Brazilian steakhouse, and it was confusing to us.

Every everything didn't make sense.

It was so bright, the walls were just pure white.

You could see everybody, everything, and they had candles on the table that were on,

but it's like you couldn't even tell they were on.

It was so bright everywhere.

So, we actually asked the waiter, like, is it supposed to be this bright?

And it's like, no, let me go check.

And then

they take the knob and they go, meow.

Like the tiniest bit down.

And I see the bandages looking up being like,

and he was like, oh, that's too much.

Cranks it back up.

And I'm looking over at the other side.

Like, there's a bar area over there.

And it's so moody and dim.

It's so beautiful.

And so we asked the waiter, like, hey, since we're not going to have a big table, it's a six-top here.

Let's just go over to one of those smaller tables and that'll be great.

Like, okay, no problem.

We'll move you over there.

And we move over.

They sit down.

and then the bartender's like, Oh, people are here because no one else was seated.

So, he reaches over to the light switch and raises,

turns the light, and it was so beautiful and moody.

And goes like, all right,

I got you guys.

Does everyone there need like a brow lift?

Is there like eyebrow just hanging on their lids and keeping their eyes closed?

So they're like, I can hardly see.

I have no idea.

Like, everyone knows, or at least I think everyone knows that if you go to a restaurant, it's kind of nice when it's dim.

You're not, that way you're not looking at everybody else in the restaurant.

It's not like a cafeteria where you're just like trying to be there.

It's nice, you know?

You get this little isolated pocket of darkness, you know?

But no, that place was anti-that.

I like to think that when people come in, they're like, oh, we had a party of three.

You're by yourself.

And they just sit someone at your table with you.

Oh, you mean like at hibachi restaurants?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I guess so, yeah.

Hibachi, though, you kind of, you expect it a little bit because of the way it's designed.

No, I hate that.

It's awful.

It's the worst.

If I don't have a party of 10 for hibachi, I'm not interested.

Oh, I don't mind.

Molly, it drives Molly nuts, but I'll converse with anybody.

Oh, God.

If someone is at the table with us for Hibachi, they fucking better not talk to me.

They better not acknowledge I exist.

I read the room.

I do just focus on who I'm with.

But if someone else is like, obviously, like chatty and looking for it, I'll give it to them.

Conversation, I mean.

Good.

I'm glad you clarified.

I love Cincinnati.

All right, Mark, do you have any other restaurant recommendations for our travel guide?

A very valuable Cincinnati information?

Oh, do I?

No, it's an acceptable answer.

I'm just checking.

I was asking a question.

Do I?

No, I do not.

All right, Wade, what do you got?

This is a really good opportunity for you to get more points here.

Montgomery, you're in.

Jeff Ruby, Soto, Sotos, Sotos.

Greater's Ice Cream.

United Dairy Farmers.

Oh, my God.

We have so much to see.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What about UDF is a restaurant that you'd recommend?

I guess you mean for dessert?

Yeah, the ice cream.

Yeah.

They have a little ice cream parlor.

It's a gas station.

Look, it is cool.

It is.

It's a gas station.

Let's not put that foot forward when we're putting out places we want to recommend people to go visit when they're here.

He might be in the right because at most of them, there also is a seating area.

Of like three little two-top tables wedged in the corner by the ice cream bar.

We had a, so it's actually, I'm glad I don't work there anymore because they've added so much stuff that people there have to do.

You can now order like crazy drinks.

You can have like sandwiches and chicken tenders and stuff ordered at some of them.

What?

They have nachos and cheese.

We had like a little grill where you could get like sausages and breakfast type like hot dogs, things like that.

So people would come in there.

Sometimes, sometimes they get breakfast, which I found weird to come to UDF, get like a coffee and a hot dog.

I mean, 7-Eleven also does often have those things, but I wouldn't think of 7-Eleven as a restaurant.

So saying that for UDF is kind of generous.

It's not a restaurant.

I will not call it a restaurant.

Okay.

But I've heard about Cincinnati things that have food that is good.

i do like udf ice cream graders is obviously the superior ice cream place but udf has so many more flavors it is good ice cream it is good ice cream it just feels yeah that feels like where it's be like if you come to the cleveland area make sure you have a nice dinner at sheets it's like yeah sheets is is cool but also it's a gas station i am pretty sure that the one place whenever I went to do an Able Gamers event with Craig years ago, I'm pretty sure the one place he said I had to have on the way was Sheets.

Oh, Craig is very pro sheets but that's that's because uh i think large part craig is vegan and sheets is one of those places where you can you can order it yourself you walk up to a little screen to order it and you can fully customize it so for him that's like a wonderland because he can get all kinds of he's not just like give me plain potato because everything else for some reason has meat in it or something I took him and Mia to Fogo de Chow years ago because I completely forgot.

But they were so happy because the salad bar was so good.

But I remember we went to sit down and I like looked at him and smiled.

Then it hit me before we ordered it before we went to get our whatever.

And I was like, oh, no.

I just brought vegans to an all-you-can-eat meat buffet.

You guys excited for Meat Sword restaurant?

I love Meat Sword.

But admittedly, the salad bar is really nice.

No, that's true.

The salad bars are top-notch.

Yeah, Cincinnati.

Cincinnati doesn't have a Fogo.

Texas State, Brazil, go there.

The salad bar is not as good as Fogo, according to Wayne.

Around the only not-dying mall left in Cincinnati, which is Kinwood Mall.

Dude, all the malls are really depressing.

Right County, gone.

Eastgate.

Eastgate is on its last leg, I think.

It's not looking so hot.

It makes sense.

I mean, it really does.

I know a lot of people are...

depressed and nostalgic about it because like yeah i i do enjoy a mall um but at the same time it's like it doesn't make sense now in today's age where you don't need Kenwood's still bustling.

Like, Kenwood Mall feels like the way malls felt.

Kenwood, yeah.

Kenwood is still really nice and busy and stuff a lot of the time.

I feel like that one's bustling because it's so central.

Like, all the other ones are on the outskirts.

So, a city nowadays, like, this is the thing.

Not all of the stores are going to just go away.

Like, the people that think there aren't going to be brick and mortar stories in the future ever is are stupid and wrong because people still walk around in the living world.

Rick and they said Rick and Morty.

Brick and mortar.

That makes more sense.

Brick and Morty.

They're Rick and Morty stores, you know.

Oh, good old Rick and Morty.

But Kenwood Mall is great because it's central.

And I think a city still wants that.

There should be that because it's like people want to go there, number one, just because it's kind of nice to have.

this big building with a lot of little stores.

It's fun to walk around and do that window shopping.

It's a different experience.

So people still want it.

It's just they want less of them.

There doesn't need to be five malls in a city limits when there can be one in the middle that people can go to.

Admittedly, parking's hell.

Tenwood is a nightmare of traffic.

No,

that's the thing.

So I will say one of the other malls in the Cincinnati area that's doing okay, Liberty Center.

You guys know Liberty Center?

It's over on like the northwest side by us, kind of.

Yeah.

It's one of those where part of it is an inside.

There's like a smaller inside part.

And then part of it, a lot of it is outside where it's like there are there are little streets and you can all the shops are outdoors, but it's still still basically like a mall area.

It's very cool.

And I feel like that's, that's a type of mall that I could see being successful in the future more than like an old school mall.

But it's still such a pain in the ass.

There are stores that are there and only there.

And will still, for me, it's still like, oh, I really need this.

Do I, am I up for going to Liberty?

and trying to find parking and then trying to navigate through.

But I, even though I like it, it still is like that.

And Kenwood's like that too.

Every time we have to go to Kenwood, it's kind of like, ooh, Kenwood.

And then you remember, you have to fucking go drive over to Kenwood and park somewhere.

Are there still ever events where people have like the GameStop midnight release lines or new console release lines?

Is that a thing of the past?

You just order it.

People who care that much, you either download it digitally or you order it and it arrives, you know, on or after release day or whatever.

They don't, they don't, I did, they don't do that at all the same way they used to.

Even like for iPhones, they don't really do that anymore.

I think the last event that probably that happened was for the

Vision Prew.

And that was just because it was a new thing.

People wanted to try it, but they didn't even sell out of those.

There is one event I saw that was similar.

Kenwood Mall had a thing where, I don't know if it was a singer or who it was, but there was like some celebrity that had like a pop-up clothing line store that was in Cincinnati for like a limited time.

So they opened like a, they called it a pop-up store where this person's merch was being sold for like 48 hours or something.

So people were like crazily in line trying to get in there while we were there one day.

Did you ever wait in line down in Clifton by UC for any of the games?

Oh, yeah.

No, I forget.

I think it might have been Modern Warfare 2 down in Clifton.

I did them in that release for.

Did you have the people dumping water on people from the

I actually lived in UPA when that happened.

So yeah, I knew those guys.

It never hit me, but like I was there watching it happen.

I lived on the corner, so I was not one of the apartments where the water came from.

But

I knew those guys who did that.

I knew one of those apartments where they did that.

They thought it was real funny.

I tried for so many years to get a job at that GameStop in Clifton, dude.

I wanted to be a GameStop employee so bad.

Oh my God.

I applied there too at one point.

The guy, the poor guy who managed that store, I can't imagine how many college nerds he had every day come in and be like, hey, are you hiring?

You need a...

I play video games.

You see one of those video games.

I play at least least three.

I mean, it is kind of nice, I guess, if you were an employer and you had a constant stream of semi-qualified people always at the on hand.

I wasn't qualified.

We weren't qualified.

I don't know semi-I said semi-qualified.

That's still pretty generous.

All I wanted was the employee discount.

I wasn't there to do anything else.

Like approaching a drug dealer, like, hey, can I be one of your dealers?

I use your stuff every day.

Can I get an employee discount on these drugs?

Please, please.

Just don't do a background check.

well they did they did and they're like hey this shows you got uh you got some backed up parking tickets i don't need that on my staff i don't need that in our organization so we're gonna have to pass thank you for your interest please remain a loyal customer i imagine a lot of people are apple employees because i believe there's an employee discount there you have to be pretty isn't working at an apple store like a whole pain in the ass though you have to be pretty serious about that it's like there's like trainings and that's one of the places walking into an apple store we did that recently it feels like it's the 2000s in there like in most stores i feel like the direction in the last couple decades has been less employees more

just let the customer sort of self-serve there's maybe there's an employee somewhere if you need help you can find them i feel like the apple store they had more people working there than there were people in the store by a huge margin there were so many fucking employees at the apple store that's why they charge a hundred thousand dollars for every product they sell.

I mean, yeah, I guess they have the margins for it, but it's crazy.

It feels like it feels, even though it's new technology, it feels somehow like retro almost at this point, where it's like just a swarm of people.

You go in and there's just everywhere there's someone who's like, hey, do you need help with that?

Hey, do you need help finding?

You're looking at headphones?

And there's always the one security guard who looks like he's relatively chill, but also like he really wants an excuse to tackle somebody at the same time.

Oh, he's desperate.

He's waiting.

Well, actually, I don't think they actually stop people from leaving because they're like, we track all of those devices.

They're ours.

That's true.

There's not much you could get away with with an Apple product.

They'd just be like, yeah, this serial number, just turn that off.

That one's stolen.

It's either one or the other because you go to Best Buy and you can't find a soul in there.

It's hide and seek with the employees.

You see one and they look at you and they go.

One of the many refrigerators we've bought in the last few years was we went to Best Buy first because they had like a refrigerator.

they had like a partnership.

We couldn't find a person, we had to go to a different store because we were literally like, We want this fridge.

Is there a per we couldn't get a human being to tell us a refrigerator?

It was fucking weird, and that was a few years ago at this point.

That's four or five years.

It's weird, that is always the case.

You try to get a TV, you try to get anything at Best Buy.

Am I off-base or is that like, that's how stores are now?

I don't do a lot of shopping, so probably.

I usually get help at the Lego store.

I've gone to the Lego store a couple times.

There's like two employees at the Lego Lego store.

What store?

Lego.

Actually, I've been in that Lego store a couple.

Every time we go to Kenwood, I feel like I need to check it out.

So I do.

I've got like three Lego sets I still need to build, but whenever I go there, I'm still like, I got to go to the Lego store.

Yeah, well, you want to have them backed up.

It's like, if I'm good while Molly does the actual shopping, I'm allowed to go to the Lego store.

Well, I feel like our travel guide is pretty comprehensive, but last chance.

Yeah, last chance.

You guys got any extra bonus stuff to chuck in at the end of the travel guide here, just in case?

One of the things that I neglected about Cincinnati when I lived in it that a lot of people probably would overlook is there is a stupid amount of parks and they're too big.

That's not a problem really, but it's just even where I was growing up in Milford, like there's just a park over here, park over here, just a big field.

You know, it's not even a park, but there's just a big open field here, woods there, stuff like that.

In the city, outside the city, there's parks everywhere.

Like in Milford, you're talking about like Miami Meadows, which is the bigger park there.

It's gigantic.

It's too big.

I didn't even realize how big it was when I was first there.

They have the whole field when you first pull in.

They've got, I think they tore the skate park down, but there was a skate park.

There was the basketball hoops, soccer fields.

I guess they had the football field, the whole playground, baseball cages.

Well maintained.

The Midwest, and Cincinnati definitely is on this list, loves a big, gigantic, ridiculously oversized park.

And they are generally very nice and well-maintained.

I don't know if Mark's references this, but we, we lived in the Bay Area, right?

We lived outside San Francisco.

Huge parks.

California has awesome nature, like parks everywhere.

It was great.

Every time we ever went to a park, even in the middle of the day on a weekday, when you're like, nah, no one will be here, fucking packed.

Humanity in every direction.

bicycles on all the paths.

There's no like, there's no, in California, my experience was never, you go to a park and it's like calm and empty and you can, you can do whatever you want.

It's like, if you're going to the park to play in the playground, the playground's busy.

You have to wait in line.

If you're going to the park to walk on the path, there's like a hundred people and some of them are going twice the speed of light and some of them are going slower than you think is physically possible to walk.

So you're like weaving traffic.

There's bicycle.

Like the parks in California are generally.

awesome, but they're so fucking busy that they're not very fun a lot of the times to be at.

In Ohio, you go to a park that's the same size or bigger than some of those ones we went to in California, but there's like two other humans in the entire thing.

And you're like, I was going to say, I've never had to wait for anything.

Everything is open.

You could go, you could, you don't have to like wait or be like, oh, that's busy.

Let's go over here.

Anything you want is always available.

It's amazing.

Even when the basketball courts were slammed, it was like.

There was enough room for everyone to play.

There's even an open pickleball court on a Saturday morning at parks in Ohio.

God forbid you want to play pickleball in California.

Fucking, there's a three-hour wait of people in line who are next up on the pickleball court.

No, that's a good one.

I like that one.

Wade?

City good.

City good.

Okay.

Coosted the streetcar, who said sports teams, who said the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra is one of the best in the nation, among the best in the world.

Beer, lots of beer in Cincinnati.

People love beer.

Oktoberfest, big deal.

Taste of Cincinnati, another good one to hit.

Any of that stuff?

This is technically not Cincinnati, but I've got to give it a shout out.

Newport in general is honestly like if you're a teenager or like a young adult, Newport's actually a pretty cool hangout place.

It's basically Cincinnati.

I mean, it is because it's right across the river, but it's Kentucky.

No, it's not.

That's Cincinnati stuff.

Cincinnati reaches all the way out to the airport because Cincinnati Airport is with the fucking Kentucky for some reason.

So all of that is clearly Cincinnati.

I do not know what CVG stands for.

Cincinnati, very good airport.

I think it's Covington.

Like, so many airports are just like MSP, Minnesota, St.

Paul, Cincinnati, CVG.

Ah, yes.

Savagnati.

Savaginati.

That's not good.

Savaginati.

Covington, Kentucky is what that that stands for, apparently.

CBG is just Covington.

Yeah, no, Ohio's airports are all confusing because

Columbus, the airport used to just be Columbus International.

So it was like CBI or something like that.

Now it's John Glenn International Airport.

So the Columbus airport's initial is like J-G-A-I or some shit where it's like, what the fuck airport is that?

Where is that?

I've only flown into Columbus like once because obviously I don't know why I would, but.

It's not exactly a big airport or anything, but that's growing up there, that's where we flew out of a lot.

It's very confusing.

I don't think any of ours are.

Cincinnati is actually a very small airport.

We have two terminals.

Cincinnati is at least a Delta hub.

Not that that means anything because our flight options even on Delta out of Cincinnati are pretty garbage these days, but it is.

It's technically a Delta hub.

All right, Wade's thing is the airport.

Got it.

Sure.

I said Newport, but I'll take airport, you know, I guess.

Newport has the aquarium.

I should have said aquarium.

Hey, Newport Aquarium.

If you had said that, that would have been very good.

Oh, man.

The zoo, the festival of lights.

The zoo is also good.

Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Gardens.

Excellent.

One of the best zoos in the country.

Crohn's Conservatory.

We have that.

Is that the place you guys got married?

No, no, that was

the Cincinnati Nature Center, I believe.

Anyway, whatever.

If you're coming to Cincinnati, I feel like we gave you...

any number of acceptable quality places to check.

At least three, including Cracker Barrel.

No, I was thinking of a different restaurant.

Welcome to Cincinnati Bucket.

Anyway, that's the end of the episode.

I'm going to read you why you got points, and then we're going to spin the wheels, and then someone's going to win.

I hope.

Oh, yeah, you got to add to the wheel, too.

Wade, you got points for El Servo, Girl Scout Cooks, Lying About Your Car Again, Underground Railroad Museum, Gunrec, Skyline.

We usually pick somewhere else to eat.

A lot of restaurants listed.

And airport?

Question mark?

No, that's wrong, Colin uh mark you earned points for traffic light don't remember why that was points our shirts

oh yeah we're a traffic light there you go you know the old blue orange red three thousand dollar power bill better at sports than tyler kings island not cracker barrel being right rick and morty stores and big stupid parks The score is close, but it's time for the wheel.

I don't know what the score is.

It's close.

I'm gonna roll a three-sided die, and I got two.

And I am going to add.

Well, this one feels like it's just a bonus star for Mark, but my initial thought was most

travel since last episode.

That's 100% going to be Mark 100% of the time.

It won't always be him, though.

Sometimes he's no, it will pretty much always be him.

Well, I mean, if I don't, sometimes I don't go anywhere, like I don't even leave my house, but then again, you do too.

Yeah, if Mark happens to not have traveled and one of us happens to have traveled coincidentally, that's the only shot we've got.

Here we go.

Two spins.

Hey!

Yay!

That's a bonus point for the shortest.

I've not stood next to him in a minute.

It could have changed.

Mark, do you contest on Wade's behalf?

I don't know why I asked it like that.

Yeah, sorry.

Mark is definitely the shortest.

If we're allowed to make fun of him as much as we do for that, he gets that point.

No questions asked.

And spin number two.

Oh, no.

Got the biggest laugh.

As we said at the beginning of this episode.

So, did we, are we sticking with El Servo?

Got the biggest laugh.

Did it get a bigger laugh than Mark's Traffic Light Colors?

Because that was also pretty funny.

I mean, if you want to argue against your own self, that's fine.

No, I'll accept it.

I accept Servo.

I will say, what I would throw out as the biggest laugh for me was definitely: we haven't eaten that blue-ass chili because we usually pick somewhere else to eat.

That's true.

That is true.

But that's still Wade.

So

that's really stupid that I said that.

Anyway, with those points added, Mark is the shortest.

Wade got the biggest laugh.

Wade, you finished with nine points.

Yes.

And Mark,

you finished with nine points.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

The one-man show.

What percentage are we supposed to be at for this?

It's going to be 12, I think.

It's going to be 12 now, yeah.

Okay, good.

I'm sure this will be fine for me.

And here we go.

Oh,

no!

Okay,

okay.

All right.

I know.

I was really clenched up there for a second.

Mark wins!

That's me, baby.

And the next one-man show wheel spin will be 14%.

We're really climbing up there.

What's one in six?

16, 17%?

What's that?

One in five is 20%.

I know that.

I don't know what one in six is because I'm too stupid at math.

It might be one in six, I think.

I survived and Mark wins.

Congratulations, Mark.

And no one accidentally said the unf word.

Unfucked?

Oh, he said it.

Flip the coin, see who gets fucked.

Anyway,

congratulations, Mark.

Wade, you lose.

Talk about that.

Look, I try to confine my ideas to Cincinnati favorites, Cincinnati locations, but it turns out the thing that I think pushed everything over the edge was Cracker Barrel.

Cracker Barrel is great.

Love Cracker Barrel.

Not Cincinnati exclusive, but we do have one.

And it's always been very very good.

So shout out to Cracker Barrel for really just putting me in the ground today.

I don't want to be that guy, but if you're talking Cincinnati exclusive, Skyline is not either.

It at least originated here and is mostly confined to here.

I don't even know if that's accurate.

There are definitely multiple skylines in Columbus.

That's still Cincinnati.

Columbus is anything, it's Cleveland.

You deserve better than that.

No, we don't.

Mark, you win!

Congratulations.

Thank you.

I feel like I did Cincinnati a disservice.

Me winning this episode is a shock not only to me, but everyone in Cincinnati.

As the one not in Cincinnati winning this episode about Tour Guide of Cincinnati, I feel like fate, it runs in strange ways.

Maybe this is going to compel me to go back to Cincinnati once and for all.

Probably not.

Just like with Cincinnati with Blue Ash Chili, I always intend to go there and I just end up going somewhere else.

Just pick somewhere else to eat.

Just pick somewhere else to live.

That's so crazy how that works out.

You're just like in your moving truck on your way here and you're like, man, Indiana, what a great random place to stop.

I keep trying to move back to Ohio, but I just keep picking somewhere else to move.

Anyway, congratulations, Mark.

That means you're going to host the next one.

Thank you for listening and or watching.

I was going to try and send a message to the listeners only, but the watchers can hear also.

So

that's not going to work.

Make sure you follow us on our socials.

Mark Flyer, Lord Minion777, and Micekirm.

Make sure you follow this podcast, hit the little plus thingy, or check mark, or whatever the hell button it is, because then you'll get notifications when episodes come out.

Make sure you watch the video version of this podcast available on Spotify and also on YouTube now.

So we heard you, some of you complain about that.

A small contingent, we're very interested in that.

It's over there.

You can go watch it now.

There is no merch.

I won't get your hopes up.

There is no merch, and maybe there never will be.

But maybe.

Thank you so much for watching and listening.

My name is Bob.

This has been Distractible, and this is the End.

Podcast out.