Three Sentence Horror Stories

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Good evening, gentle listeners, all watchers, and welcome to Destructible.

This episode, Ball Zapping Bob has a Romeo offspring, enjoys glorious gaming, then brings back the heebie-jeebies.

Web-like Wade has foot chafing, loves to bonk and pease himself.

Bullskin Mark gives Hades a handy.

Blood's a pet, and wastes Wade's grasp on grammar.

From living apart to living on Luna,

it's time for

three-sentence horror stories.

Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Markiplier's favorite podcast.

Eh?

Can confirm it?

It actually is.

It is.

Yeah, it is.

It forgot.

Besides, of course, The Edge of Sleep out now, season one.

Go.

It's out now.

Just like it has been for three years.

It's out now.

I'm not lying.

It's true.

It's out now.

But anyway, Mark Piplier's second favorite podcast.

We'll take it.

I feel like we deserve the top spot, but what could I do about it?

Anyway, I'm your host, Bub.

I'm hosting because I won, which...

Winning that episode where we just sat on the couch and talked about whatever for like two hours is an accomplishment in a way.

But also, that was fun.

I wish that we could just do that more.

That was nice.

We'd have to be in

the same place all the time, which is impossible.

Two of us are.

That's almost always been true, too.

That's

not, that's very untrue, actually.

Yeah.

I guess unless you're saying that we lived, Mark and I lived in the same state, but we lived pretty far away from each other in the same state.

How big can one state be?

Pretty big, pretty big.

Okay, pretty big.

Yeah, pretty big.

Anyway, if you've ever seen the show before, I'm the host because I won the last one.

These two guys are going to compete.

They get points for me, the host, and then whoever wins hosts the next one.

It's a very strict competition.

Points are awarded, awarded.

Points are awarded very carefully and thoughtfully, and not all in a haphazard and bullshit manner.

And we always follow all of the rules.

We have a very carefully planned out constitution, which we never forget parts of and we always enforce consistently and fairly.

So it's a really structured, really strict show that we run here.

So hopefully that's what you signed up for.

It has been a while since I hosted one, so maybe I missed remembering, but I'm pretty sure that's accurate.

I do have an episode prepared for today, and I'm pretty excited about it.

It might be a little revisit to an episode that we did about a year ago.

It might be kind of fun.

Two sentence horror stories.

Woohoo!

Well, we'll get to it when we get to it, but we always start with small talk.

And it's been

like an actual, well, like

a week since

Couch episode, right?

Oh, wait, that's not the last episode.

Yeah.

Fuck.

No, cut all that up.

Why didn't you say anything?

I did.

I said I won that one.

I was waiting for you to finish.

You said you won that one?

Yeah.

Whatever.

Fuck.

It wasn't the couch.

I like the couch episode.

The last one, whoever hosted that piece of shit, barely counts.

Who was who was it?

Clearly, I remember.

Couch one?

No, the one between this and the couch one.

Oh, okay.

All right.

It was Wade.

It was Wade.

It was Wade.

Oh, man.

You remember my Would You Rather episode?

It was really cool.

Oh, it was.

I thought it was Mark.

Okay, well, sorry, Wade.

Oh, man, it's cool.

How are you doing, man?

How's your small talk?

You want to go first?

Me?

Oh, me?

Little me.

Yeah.

I'm doing okay.

I'm pretty good.

We finally don't have people in our house, and I don't know what to do about it.

It's like, can I sit in some peace and fucking quiet for a second?

I don't know.

I can come over if you want.

Bring James.

Yeah, sure.

I like James.

And James really likes Molly, so that's fine.

Yeah, he loves Molly.

And whoever Molly's husband is.

It's pretty much, yeah, the...

Dude, listen.

He's going to be a, he's going to be a problem.

He is a ladies' man, and he can...

I wouldn't say he could barely walk because he's like running now.

Yeah, that's true.

He did full-out loops around me.

Yeah.

No, he's got blue eyes, blonde hair.

He's a big flirt.

He's always flirting with girls that are older than him at the playground.

His instinct, if he sees any, it's any kids, but he gravitates towards the girls.

But especially if they're like five to 10 years older than him, he immediately just walks up and it's like, hi, I'm James.

You want to hold hands?

He's going to be like eight years old trying to go to pro

well, I think he had the day of his life one time.

We're at a park.

It was mostly a little kid's park, but there was a group of like high school girls that were like just hanging out off to the side, just sitting talking in a circle.

And he was doing swings and whatever.

And he saw them and ran right over and sat down in the circle and didn't even introduce himself, just sat down.

And they were all kind of like

and just kept going and like included him because he was just a cute little kid.

And he just sat there and was like, it's working.

My dreams are coming true.

And that's pretty much it for me.

I, me,

I have a game that I'm actually playing, and I'm super excited about it.

So, my brother famously can't get me gifts because I usually buy the cool things for myself right away.

Uh, but one thing I have not gotten is a Switch 2.

Um, because you know, I'm not gonna go on eBay and get that, even though I go on eBay for deals, not for me being stealed.

They're accessible now.

I don't think you have to, You can just get them.

Are they?

Well, I have one already.

Yeah, you could just go get one.

Well, don't diminish my brother's gift to me.

Your brother did a great job.

Thank you, Bob.

Maybe he got it before they were easily accessible.

He did, actually, because he pulled a weight.

He bought it like six months ago, and then it was sitting in his closet ever since.

So, but it's only because he wasn't playing it because he didn't have a game to play.

But then when he heard I didn't have one and wanted one, he handed it to me.

And the first thing I got was Hades 2,

which I didn't even realize had come out.

You're great things.

Oh my god, what a fun fucking game.

What a fun fucking game.

Am I right?

What a fun game.

That's not what I thought that was about.

Okay.

Yeah, no, a lot of that.

Yeah, you know, hooney pop, but basically that, but with the Greek gods, yeah.

Sure, sure.

Aphrodite.

Oh, wait.

Uh, killing.

Sorry.

Did I say fucking?

Same difference?

One gives life, one takes it away.

Oh, nursing.

It's so fun.

I loved Hades 1.

I played the crap out of it.

I love Hades 2.

I love all the characters.

It's just so well polished.

The gameplay is so tight.

The story is so interwoven into it.

And

it's just so fun.

It's so fun.

It's like the same recipe that they had before.

It's very little has changed from one to another.

I'd have to do

Apple's comparison to know exactly what changes, but it feels really, really, really good.

Oh, it's super fun.

It's a roguelike game, right?

Yeah, roguelike, roguelite, whatever the terminology is.

I don't know if any rogue game is technically roguelike anymore because there's so many like spin-off subtypes.

I have no idea.

I think this one would have to be called Rogue Light because Roguelike would be like the original Rogue, which you really didn't have upgrades coming out of there.

Oh, okay.

So this is the one where you get some upgrades over time.

It's like you actually, roguelike is you literally start from scratch every single time, right?

Yeah.

Whereas this one is starting over is part of the story and it is part of the progression and it's actually the iterativeness is part of it and they've so integrated that into the gameplay and the rest of it that it's just super fun.

Oh man.

I'm only a few hours into it, but oh, it's so good.

It's so goddamn good.

What a great game.

I love that feeling.

It's been a good stretch of games for me lately.

I have not actually played Hades 2.

I did like the first one.

But I've also had a few games come out that are like not AAA titles, but still pretty big games.

Dead Zone Rogue, Jump Space,

Abyssus.

Those are all specific games where they're like first person.

I'm playing Jump Space in a couple days.

I've not played it yet.

Yeah, it's so fun.

Oh my God.

But I get that feeling where you just play it and you're like, oh, this is exactly what I hoped it would be.

God, yes.

It's been a good stretch of that.

And I know they're like a sponsor or whatever.

This is not sponsored.

I'm just excited.

Battlefield is coming.

I'm excited for that based on the experience in the beta.

We've not got to play with Mark, but Bob and I played a bunch of it.

It's been a serious stretch of fun stuff.

And we laughed our asses off with some of the shenanigans we did.

Combat medic,

no notes.

No, it's going to be beautiful.

But yeah, I'm excited to play Hades 2 also because I do.

I like the first one.

I like games like that.

I just, didn't realize it was on Switch 2.

I might do that.

I've heard Mega Bonk is good too.

Mega Bonk?

I think that's what it's called.

Mega Bonk.

Mega Bonk.

I haven't heard of it.

I've had a lot of some people tell me that Mega Bonk's a lot of fun, too.

I don't know much about it.

It's just another game I've heard people talking about recently.

Oh, it's got an interesting style.

I'm interested in just for the aesthetics right now.

It looks like RuneScape, but I think it plays like way more enemies.

I think it plays like a vampire survivor type thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's like those old arcade

top-down kind of adventure crawlers.

I just see a skeleton wearing sunglasses doing a kickflip.

So

that's pretty much all I need to hear about it.

I see a guy who looks kind of like Wolverine just flexing while rockets come out of his head.

Yep, yep, yep.

Apparently a lot of good games right now.

Yeah, it's been quite the stretch.

Yeah, it's good time for games, which is, I imagine this might be the last era of good games before the AI takes over and makes us all play terrible AI games for the rest of forever.

I just hope Blue Prince gets a sequel before then, or a DLC.

The boring, stupid game that nobody likes.

Look, man, some of us played the game and some of us went to MS Paint and zoomed in for three hours.

Look, hey, I saw it, didn't I?

I solved the puzzle.

I did eventually.

You could have solved it in three minutes by like looking around.

No, no, looking around, more like cheating.

I don't do that.

Yeah.

Yeah, that was...

Watching me play games is painful.

Watching that was...

It was something else.

So fun, right?

The opposite of painful.

Watching that was the best experience of my life.

Oh.

You just had to find a magnifying glass, dude.

That's it.

I remember the first time I fell in love paled in comparison to my video of Blue Prince.

One magnifying glass would have saved you all that pain.

Who has a magnifying?

Do you have a magnifying glass?

No, he does not.

And at least 30% of my runs, probably.

Oh, is that a thing in the game?

Yeah.

I haven't actually played that game, so I think it's fair for me not to know that.

Didn't you play it?

Shouldn't you know that, Mark?

Why would I know that?

I didn't get everything.

I got barely.

I got to the first puzzle, and then I had to open MS Paint.

You heard this guy.

Dude, he went into like four rooms, saw a puzzle, and he's like, What if I take this to Photoshop?

I did.

I did my due diligence.

That's fair.

Just because my diligence is more due than yours doesn't mean that I'm any.

you had more dedication to solving that puzzle the hardest way possible than anyone I've ever met.

Looking closely at it and tracing the letters.

I think there were harder ways, and I was about to find them, but then I solved it.

Well, I didn't solve it.

Yeah, but it's bold to claim that that's the hardest way you could possibly solve that puzzle.

He didn't even get barely started in that video.

Man, it might have been easier to brute force the letters and just guess the password.

I don't know.

That was...

There was a punishment for brute force.

Wasn't there a punishment for not getting it right?

There was a punishment.

You couldn't do unlimited right

i had a self-imposed punishment for doing it

my my uh testicular torture device was set to maximum every time i got it wrong you guys don't have that no man i keep mine on low oh man what a wuss this guy low

i'm not a real gamer i keep my ball zapper on low any other small talk anything else going on those were really those were good ones even yours wade Thanks.

I just stole James' stories and made it my small talk.

Oh, that counts.

I'll allow it.

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Keep it in.

Keep that in.

I'm excited for this today because we are going to be revisiting a video or an idea that I hosted about a year ago.

And Wade, you had a guess as to what it might be.

And you were close.

Okay.

But I'm going to give you the segue point.

And by you were close, I mean you were pretty much right because we're doing three sentence horror stories.

Three.

Yeah, look, I know two was a lot to ask, and I know some of us had a hard time with some of that.

So I was like, well, how can I

do this again?

Because it is the scary season.

It's that month when it's everything can be scary.

What if I give you an extra sentence to work with?

So I'm still going to give you one sentence, and then you get two whole sentences to make it a scary story.

Oh, don't look like that.

This is for you.

No, this is me.

You're excited.

No, this is my excited face.

I'm excited.

You look excited.

He's only exotic because he's playing Hades 2 right now.

Yeah.

No,

Mark's staring down at the Switch 2, like,

need more Hades.

Oh, no, I've got VFX questions.

Oh, that's just as fun.

Oh, it's so thrilling, guys.

Don't worry.

It's really good.

We need more Houdini licenses.

I hope you know.

It sounds fun.

Sounds like a great pastime.

It is.

Oh, man.

It is.

All right.

Well, since I was going to flip a coin, but since Mark is busy, Wade, you get to go first.

Yay!

All right.

Three sentence horror stories.

I'm going to give you the first sentence, and you're going to give me two follow-up sentences.

to turn it into a horror story.

I somehow feel like I'm going to be worse at this one than I was last time.

Yeah, well, the expectation is that you're going to crush it.

so.

Yeah, but I feel like the one sentence...

I had the two sentence down.

Adding an extra layer is like, okay.

Need a filler sentence.

All right, Wade.

Start us off strong.

I believe in you.

As we entered the laboratory, I knew immediately that something was different.

The smell in the air was off.

The feeling of the ground under my feet was off.

Something was seriously wrong.

Wasn't that too...

Those.

These are commas.

These are commas.

These are commas.

They're semicolons at best.

Calm down here.

They're commas.

Unless he's doing the full Oxford comma and it goes, and.

The smell in the air was off.

Comma.

The feel of the ground under my feet was off.

Comma.

Those are just separate phrases.

I would argue, though, those need to be separate sentences, sir, but okay.

No, no, no, definitely comma.

And then and it would be the feeling under my toes, feet,

pro lines.

No, no, the commas with an and

with an and.

now I'm off my game.

What was my punchline?

Guys, third sentence.

Start again.

You can do it.

Read me in.

Read me in.

As we entered the laboratory, I knew immediately that something was different.

Smell in the air, comma.

A feeling of the ground under my feet, comma.

And what I saw before me, it was all wrong.

And that's when they appeared.

He's out of senses.

We don't get to know, I guess.

I'm not sound out of senses, yeah.

Comma, two sentences in a row?

Not a psychopath.

That must be what's scary.

It's they.

They're scary.

That would have been the moment for a semicolon.

And that's when they appeared, semicolon.

The Bulbanites.

I don't know what Bulbanites are, but I don't like the look of it.

No, trust me, it really adds a lot whenever you give it another nonsense word.

I gotta save my goodness for my turn, guys.

Hold on.

Don't give him my points.

Yeah, I can't wait for yours, man.

All right, do you need a second or are you?

I'm good.

Hold on.

All right.

I'm good.

Hold on.

Go ahead.

I'm ready.

I'm good, comma.

Hold on, comma.

I can have two conversations at the same time.

I do it all the time.

All right, Mark.

Maybe what you need is a good distraction because that'll free your mind for this to just be flow of consciousness.

It's going to be great.

As we entered the laboratory, I knew immediately that something was different.

Oh my God, do I get the same one that he does?

Yeah, it's a face-to-face.

Is that how this worked last time?

I don't remember.

Yeah, no, I picked whose I liked more on each one, I believe.

Maybe that's not what I did.

That's what I'm doing now.

Okay, all right.

I'm so ready.

Give it to me.

Yeah, you're okay.

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

As we entered the laboratory, I knew immediately that something was different.

There was blood on the ceiling, comma.

The floor, comma, the walls, comma, the desks, comma, and even my favorite chia pet.

Oh no, it was loose.

Oh,

man, you know, I was gonna protest that mine was better, but then he put blood on the chia pet, and I don't know if I can top that.

My favorite chia pet, not his favorite, the Abraham Lincoln chia pet.

You're right.

If you don't feed him and clean up his poop, he'll die.

Wait, those were Tamagat.

Never mind.

That was a different thing.

Chia Pet's like the plant.

The Abraham Lincoln one will die as well, and it will be very tragic.

You'll know when the play starts.

Chia Pet's the one where that grass grows out and gives it hair, right?

Yeah, the grass, not the Chia.

Yes.

I didn't know Chia was the type of grass.

I just thought it was the brand.

Chia's a thing you can eat.

Chia seeds are commonly put into like overnight oats and things of that nature.

You can eat them.

Listen, as a child, it was grass, and you grew grass out of paint.

Literally renamed the thing that grows on it.

Well, I didn't know that.

Wade didn't have chia pet money.

Wade grew up with grass pets.

I had the little keychain of the frog that poops, and you have to feed it for anything.

I grew up was more expensive.

Well, that's what I had, man.

We were rich, poor.

Wade didn't have to settle for plants.

We were on the richer end of poor, so I got that.

I never had a chia pet, so I guess I can't really say.

But all right, Mark, are you ready?

Yeah, uh-huh.

I had never been to IKEA before, but this is not what I expected.

Oh,

uh-oh.

These are in Sweden.

Is that a comma or a period between them?

That was an oh, exclamation.

These are in Sweden.

All right, Wade, if you want to just concede this point.

I'm crushing it this time.

I'm crushing it.

How could I follow that up?

If you want to just concede this point, I'll allow that, but it is your turn to try and compete.

I knew an extra sentence was all Mark needed to really get there.

So I feel like I have to try.

It makes it look even better.

All right.

Wade, here you go.

I had never been to Ikea before, but this was not what I expected.

The long hallways were mazes, mazes I couldn't find the end of.

And the people were definitely dead.

These hallways were mazes, comma.

This is not like my sentence structure.

I just don't think that these.

That's.

I think that that's two sentences.

I'm sorry, man.

If you use commas in that way, I will allow it.

I do.

I'm not going to comment on whether I think that's correct or not grammatically because it's pretty subjective.

What is or is not correct?

But I would.

That's not how I would write it, but I will allow it.

Doesn't really matter because I think Mark takes that one.

No, no, that's fair.

Pretty much open and shut case.

How can I beat this sentence?

Uh-oh.

It's really hard.

In a horror movie, you hear, uh-oh, that's bad news, guys.

And then Swedish.

I mean, man, hearing Ethan go, the berg again, truly terrifying.

Swedish.

That was not Sweden, man.

Sweden had good food.

Yeah, they did.

I do actually remember eating there.

Never eaten so many meatballs.

All right, Wade.

Are you ready?

All right, sure, go ahead.

My little dog biscuit had always been so affectionate.

But something was different today.

This was no longer my dog.

I could see that getting kind of scary.

Kind of horrory.

I'm just shooting for average, you know?

Just going for average.

Oh, man.

You guys have me afraid of commas now, so we're just going in with a short, sweet voice.

This is the psychological warfare I've put out on my opponent.

It's working.

It's working.

I've got this.

It's working.

It's working.

I'm warfared.

This is Mark's episode.

All right, Mark.

I'll read you in.

I'm ready.

My little dog biscuit had always been so affectionate.

Until our cat gravy came along.

Now

they're too busy loving each other instead of me.

Biscuits and gravy, you know, biscuit.

It's a great pun.

Yeah, I love it.

I threw the name in there to sort of vamp on.

I could see that.

Yeah, no, that's good.

Sorry, I didn't mean to make everyone cry.

I was going to say, man, it was so scary.

It brought tears to my eyes.

So I should have run to the cry toilet instead of the pooping toilet.

Yeah, no.

The thought of your pets liking each other is terrifying.

What's that warning you always throw out there, Mark?

You're going to shit.

You're going to shit.

You should have warned us.

You got to listen to this episode in the bathroom.

Have you guys ever shat yourself in fear?

No.

In fear?

No.

Does it count if I was afraid I was going to shit myself and and then I shit myself?

No, no, that's not.

That might have helped.

No, because it's like in media, you see characters piss themselves all the time in fear, shit themselves all the time.

You hear about that.

I've never come close to peeing my pants in fear or pooping my pants in fear.

And I've played a lot of horror games.

Maybe that's just because I haven't been in a real situation where my life has been threatened, but I just feel, is that exaggeration?

I've had friends piss themselves from laughing, but never fear.

Because of how my brain works, I have actually thought about this exact question a lot, Mark.

And I've arrived at the conclusion that it must be that, I don't know.

I don't know if people just live at a higher like level.

When my tanks get any amount full, like a perceivable amount full, pee or poo, I'm just like, I'll hit the bathroom.

And I keep it on E.

I'm that person.

When I play a survival game, I keep my food and water up and I keep my sleep up and I keep everything else empty.

And I'm like obsessive about it.

People must live like, they're like, I should probably hit the bathroom soup.

Oh, I kind of got a pee.

And then, like, suddenly you're in the middle of a horror scenario or something.

And it, like, you get so scared, you just happens.

I was recently.

We hung out in person.

We recorded that podcast episode, and then we went to grab food.

So, as we were leaving the house, I was like, I should probably hit the bathroom before we go, but everyone's ready to go.

I'll just go when we get to the restaurant.

Completely forgot to go and went to the restaurant.

I got halfway home from there and it hit.

And it was like, oh,

gas gas station just 15 more minutes I can make it 15 more minutes dude I it was it was close he ruined his new car thankfully it had already been waterlogged so any additional liquid damage didn't do anything yeah thank god it was just the rental yeah everybody home I saw Wade's car it's sad he keeps going to the rental place and renting the exact same one it's like please my friends have to believe me can I have that one back please What do you mean it's in Florida?

You must stop pissing in it, sir.

You must, please.

I thought it was pissed to own.

Once I rent it, it's mine.

I'll do what I want.

It's piss to own.

Aren't you guys supposed to clean it?

Piss to own.

I thought that was funny, Wade.

Thanks.

Scrub it.

Scrub it.

Clean it.

Oh, I thought you meant to the editor.

Scrub that joke out.

Scrub it.

Scrub it.

I was like, I thought that was funny.

Thanks.

Editors, kill it.

Mark laughs.

I don't want it in there.

That would have been funnier.

We got to keep this beef fresh.

All right, Mark, you ready?

Oh, God.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

No, this one's a good setup.

I think you're going to kill this one.

Drake, you came all the way from Pennsylvania?

You don't remember who this is?

I remember this, but how am I going to play off of Wade's bit there?

And when he's right standing right there, show him up.

Can I help him?

Here's what you do, Mark.

You give two sentences.

Okay, all right.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, okay.

Give me a name again.

Drake, you came all the way from Pennsylvania?

Yes, I did.

Dot, dot, dot, to kill you.

Said the Pennsylvania stabber.

You didn't know there were parentheticals there.

Yeah, no, you could use your two sentences in however you choose.

It's like that, um, the TikTok

channel, what do you call it, page thing account that does the horror stories.

Sure, hope somebody doesn't stab me in my sleep.

The butt stabber laughed under my bed.

Yeah,

I did a piss porch.

Man, this is why I can't.

I shouldn't do this shit.

Don't mess with my gang, or you'll have to meet Jerry.

I actually really like those as a subgenre of they're pretty funny.

Wade,

try and beat that.

Yeah, idiot.

Sorry, I'm sorry I called you an idiot.

All right, lead me in.

Drake, you came all the way from Pennsylvania?

i came all this way just to see you but the name is drag

oh

if you don't know that one then you're not a real listener go to the subreddit ask and someone will point you in the right direction because i don't know what the right direction is

that's true it's not like i could tell you what episode that's actually from so it's fine wade

This this next one, the sentence is slightly different for each of you because you're going to say each other's names, okay?

Okay.

Got it.

Well, I'm going to say, but it's said it.

So, Wade, you go first.

Yours is.

I looked at the ice pick in my hand, then back up at Mark.

There was already blood all over it.

Why was Mark smiling?

Because you can torture him as much as he wants.

Yeah,

I was thoroughly enjoying it.

No, I was implying he'd already used it on me.

Oh, okay.

All right.

I got an even better one.

Hit me.

All right.

I'll read you in.

I looked at the ice pick in my hand, then back up at Wade.

Man, I only got one sentence, though.

Maybe there's bonus.

If you could do it in one sentence, that's bonus.

No, I can do it in one.

How was he still standing after all those ice pick impacts on his skull?

No, you know what?

I like that.

It's like you're like an anime character.

Like, you know, it's always very precisely explained.

Yes, exactly.

You got to fill a time slot.

You know, when I leave the details, you want to make sure you work all those words in there.

Oh, man.

I'm making myself cry.

I'm so funny.

No, you really brought it home there at the end.

I mean, scary.

Scary.

I'm so scary.

I knew this was the one for you, Mark.

Speaking of the one for you, here you go, buddy.

I had always enjoyed how calm riding a train made me feel.

Unfortunately, today, dot dot dot, I picked the scary train.

Oh man.

Yep.

It's easy.

Platforms are right next to each other.

You really don't want to get the one that all black coal spillowing.

Yeah, that's just, it's such a simple mistake, but it really is important.

Oh, man.

My options were wary train, scary train, and hairy train.

Damn it.

Actually, the hairy train would be very, very scary.

Well, good luck, Wade.

Thanks.

You want me to reach you in?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had always enjoyed how calm riding a train made me feel.

Or this particular day, the ride had been anything but calm, and the track had ended miles ago.

Well, that was a period that time?

Okay.

I was just gonna- I was just saying, like, comma?

Oh, that and was a period.

Oh, you'll know when it's a comma.

All right, Wade.

That's me.

It was my turn, and I hesitantly reached down and spun the bottle one more time.

It spun, comma, and spun, comma, and spun.

Period.

By the time it ended, I looked up, comma.

And what I saw, no human eye should ever have to see.

There's no comma in that second sentence.

It's just one sentence.

I don't even think the first one needed commas, but.

I didn't say comma.

You did say comma?

I said, comma in the first sentence.

Comma, comma, comma.

You said a comma in the second sentence.

You said, but by the time I looked up, comma, my eyes saw, comma, what human, comma, eyes, comma, should never see.

Comma, comma, comma, comma, comma, comma.

Basically, look, I'm going to overlook the punctuation, but wait, I am going to request that if you specify if it's a comma or a period for the remainder of the episode so that we can avoid these sorts of disputes.

Fine, exclamation point.

All right, Mark, it was my turn, so I hesitantly reached down and spun the bottle one more time.

After kissing grandma, I thought it couldn't get any worse, but this family reunion was about to take a real dark turn.

Oh, that was but.

Period, butt put a dot dot dot anywhere in there after kissing ellipses grandma

ellipses

i thought it couldn't get anywhere man this is an absolute slobber knocker you guys are killing it i'm having a great time you guys always shit on you know your own episodes you seem like you're having more fun this time than last time last time there was a lot of

This time you're in it.

And this next one is for you, Mark.

Okay, all right.

I put this in for you, and you get to go first on this one.

Yeah.

Also, side note, a slobber knocker refers to a hard-fought match or aggressive encounter.

When did that come up, question Mark?

Because I said this is a real slobber knocker.

It's a word I said out loud in the previous thing I said.

Oh, comma, right, period.

Do you think I just define random words?

I guess I do.

I have no idea.

Interesting fact, the grundle is defined as the space between the back of your balls and your butthole.

I thought that was the taint.

It is also called the grundle.

Oh,

Mark, this one's for you.

Are you ready?

Yes.

I didn't realize until I was all the way home that I accidentally bought the scary tape.

Man, done.

What do I need to add?

What do I need to add?

That's it.

That's the whole story.

Alright, okay.

Wait, no, give it to him to me again.

I didn't realize until I was all the way home that I accidentally bought the scary tape.

Uh-oh.

Oopsie poops.

Is that a comma or?

Uh-oh.

Oopsie boopsy, lipsies.

That's that's what I got.

Man, how can I follow this up?

Are you ready, Wade?

Yeah, yeah, man.

I'm just, I'll just take the L here, but

I didn't realize until I was all the way home that I accidentally bought the scary tape.

I wrapped it around my broken cane, but then I realized it was wrapping around me.

Period.

For the second time.

The first period was implied.

Man, I knew I put that one in there for Mark.

I just

oopsie-poopsy.

Don't forget the uh-oh, the uh-oh in there.

Oh, I didn't forget the uh-oh.

It's the setup and the oopsie-poopsy really hit it out of the park.

Wade.

Yeah, man.

I forgot these could increasingly unhinge the further down I wrote them.

So these are starting to get awesome.

Okay, Wade, here you go.

All right, I'm ready for this slobber knocker.

I stared at my phone screen as Mecha Hitler reassured me that I had always been his favorite.

Okay.

Sorry, I need a moment for that when I wasn't ready.

Process.

Surprise Mecha Hitler just, you know, I had on my bingo card for this.

Okay, sorry.

Can you leave me one more time?

I stared at my phone screen as Mecha hitler reassured me that i had always been his favorite i touched the screen comma spider-man holding or no wolverine holding the picture frame style and then i turned around to see him standing there

we could just say i lose okay

it's okay you never know mark mark might lose his touch You never know.

It might fall off.

I feel like I've lost my.

I can't do three sentences for some reason.

This is so much harder than two.

Mark, are you ready?

I don't think so because

I don't think I'm going to do any better.

Lead him in.

Oh, yeah.

Well, just you wait.

It's just because I'm in pain at all the genius that's being channeled through my neurons right now.

Oh, man.

It's so dark to bear the intensity of these amazing thoughts.

I am merely a conduit to the genius of my subconscious.

I said to Mecca Hitler.

Ah, shit.

All right.

How about we do one more?

And Mark gets to go first.

And this one's for you again, buddy.

You ready, Mark?

No.

Okay, good.

I shot awake at 4 a.m.

moon time to the sound of children laughing.

What's moon time?

It's implying that this person lives on the moon.

Oh,

I would not have gotten that.

Wait, okay.

All right, all right.

Let me edit it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I shot awake in my moon house at 4 a.m.

moon time to the sound of children laughing on the moon.

I checked my moon clock to confirm my horrors.

Oh no, I said, comma, I'm on the moon.

Yeah.

See, Wade, if you want to win this, you got to put a lot of oh-nos, a lot of uh-ohs, a lot of oopsies.

Yeah, I'm starting to see the strategies.

You gotta have more exclamations, man.

I'm not gonna follow that at all, though.

I'm not gonna follow that at all.

All right, wait, are you ready?

Lead me in.

I shot awake in my moon house at 4 a.m.

moon time to the sound of children laughing on the moon.

Their laughing turned to screaming and crying, period.

There's not supposed to be anyone else on the moon.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Oh, oh, he did it.

Oh,

damn it.

Damn it.

Why did I give him my strategy?

He worked it in.

Oh, me, oh, bye.

Well, happy Halloween, everybody.

I hope you don't have too much shit in your pants after all of those horror stories that we just regaled you with.

I hope you heeded Mark's warning and watched this one on the pooper, because there's basically no chance you held it all inside.

No oopsie poopsies out there for you.

Just the purest form of terror we could muster.

So good, so good, so good.

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Uh, duh, Mark, you got points for Edge of Sleep, Moleskin, thanking Bob.

Good games.

The Bulbanites.

It was loose.

Thas are in Swedish.

Ice Pick Impacts.

Kissing Grandma Ellipses.

Oopsie Poopsie.

And I said to Mecca Hitler.

I must have gotten zero points.

Do you know what I concede?

Wait, you got points for.

I'm sorry I insulted you so much at the beginning.

I really didn't.

I wasn't trying to felt like I was setting that up.

And I just really duck into you.

And like, I you wrote all that down?

Uh, basically, uh, you got a point for being Molly's husband, you got a point for mega bonk.

Uh, some of us played the game, you got the segue point, you got a point for those are commas, uh, not my dog.

It's pissed to own.

The name is Drac.

You'll know commas when you see them and your implied periods.

Yes, I was desperately hunting for things to give you points for.

Anyway, somehow you both ended up with 11 points.

What a slobber knocker.

How many bonus points shall it?

It's two!

Hey, Bob's hosting a one-man show soon, probably.

Do we have one that's like the scariest story?

I don't think we have that.

Not that I know of, no.

You could just say mark point, man.

I can't top anything he's ever said.

Scariest contribution.

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle.

Oh, no.

I'm on the moon.

Two spins.

Here we go.

Look, it sticks in your mind.

My story is like Stephen King.

It does stick in your mind.

It really gets in there.

Oh!

Fuck!

Sudden death!

It's a tie!

What a crazy result.

Does that mean it's over and we have to just go to the other wheel?

Is that what that means?

The original rules are that, that it's over, no more spins.

You do that.

In the past, we spun after it, but I think the original intentional rules was that's it.

We go under the bonus wheel.

Well, it's reset because we haven't spun it before yet.

So, what does it start at?

It starts at like 8% or something, right?

Six.

I think it's, yeah, it's

6%.

Yeah.

Look at where it was.

Six.

Jesus Christ.

All right.

So, what is

six?

I have to do math.

Crap.

Okay.

It's 360, so that should divide evenly.

That's why we did six.

What is this?

So it's 0.06 times 360, 21.6.

We usually round up the rest of the time, so I'll just set it at 21.

There's no way

that this is going to land on the one-man show.

I don't know how we write another one-man show after like three episodes.

Literally, the last thing in my book still is the one-man show, and then this one.

All right.

Well, it's not going to happen, so I'm not going to worry about it.

Here we go.

Who Who wins?

It's definitely going to be Mark or Wade and not the other thing that it could be.

Oh,

man.

Oh, man.

Oh my God.

It did not look like it was slowing down in time.

I think Bob's got the fix button on there because that was like plenty of momentum going towards Ty and then

back to me.

But I'll take it, you know what?

I didn't buy the pro version of this software just to let it screw me over again, okay?

Okay, well.

Oh man, this was a poopy pants episode.

Wade, give us a loser speech, you big loser.

I'm a guy who pays attention the best I can, which isn't very good.

Two-sentence horror stories, the maximum I can follow.

Three sentences, it's just too complex.

I didn't have a chance.

It was rigged against me from the start.

In fact, everything was against me at the start.

I wasn't even giving credit credit for the last episode I hosted.

It's true.

But we are where we are and the wheel has spoken.

Who am I to disagree?

Nobody.

Mark winner speech.

Hey, I am so glad I've been practicing my horror stories just in case it would come up.

The three sentences, that was a curveball.

But as we all know, three is only one more than two.

And one sentence horror stories, I was already good at.

So one plus two that I practiced equals three that I was going to be good at.

It was a shoe-in for me.

And also I bribed Bob.

That's why the wheel spin was so fixed.

Wasn't my fault.

It was Mark's fault that was fixed.

Well, congratulations, Mark.

Despite me scrambling desperately to keep weight in this one,

he really just never stood a chance.

Make sure you check out the merch, because there's definitely some there.

Unless it's sold out again.

Actually, by the time this episode comes out, it won't...

It won't be.

But it will be by the time the episode after this one comes out.

And also, based on last time there's a decent chance it's gonna sell out pretty quickly so good luck if you really really want some like bookmark the page or whatever kids do these days and good luck sorry but yeah and then check out mark and wade and myself at uh our social medias mark flyer lordmanian 777 or mice cream make sure you follow the podcast and that way you'll always know that our episodes pretty much always come out on the same days just ignore this past week looking forward to mark's episode i'm sure i'm 100 confident because i know how much free time you have these days it's gonna be the perfectest crime.

Oh, it won't.

But I have a different idea.

The worstest crime.

I feel like I already committed that.

That's the end of the episode.

Thanks so much for watching and listening.

We're out of here.

See you on the next one.

Podcast out.

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